#please let me post this I’ve tried three or four times

[im-okay-mj]

Angel? Ugly? More unlikely than they may think!!

@pathologising

[avocad1s]

Bring Back What Once Was Mine

Chapter Summary: Lumine tells the False Creator some fabricated news. You are confronted by the Prince.

Characters Mentioned: Multiple Characters Mentioned

Content Warning: Cult and Religious themes ahead! You've been warned. I would also say this deals with slight Yandere themes as well!

Reader is the true creator of Teyvat. GN! Reader

Part Three Part Four (You are here!) Part Five

I’ve re-read this multiple times but I think if I read it again I’ll grow to hate it and delete so I’m just gonna post it

Even with the moonlight spilling through the campsite, you could hardly make out the features of his face. His grip on your hands was firm but not tight enough to cause you any discomfort, it didn’t seem that he was going to let go any time soon.

“Oh how I’ve waited for this…. Waited for you.” He breaths out.

You simply stare at him, not saying a word. Had he been following you this whole time? If so, how come you weren’t alerted to his presence?

His smile drops at your silence, “don’t be alarmed Your Grace. I have no intention of hurting you! I just want to talk for now.”

He looks behind him for a moment, as if he were looking out for someone, perhaps Yelan. Once he looks back, his smile and soft gaze return.

His tone is unbelievably sweet. You could feel his hands shaking, and based of his demeanor, you assume it was due to excitement. Even if he was trying his best not to show it.

“I’m Aether.” He introduces, smile never fading.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Your Grace” He replies, “I need your help. Khaenri'ah needs you.”

You raise your brow, “Khaenri'ah?”

He nods eagerly, “I am going to restore your nation back to its former glory, and now that you’re here, I have no doubts that we can bring it back.”

“Wait a minute,” you say, “you’re not of this world, why do you care about some ancient nation from five hundred years ago?”

His closes his eyes for a moment, “you’re right. I’m not from this world, but I’ve been here since that nation stood tall and I got to experience everything it had to offer. Everything you had made.”

He caresses the back of your hands with his thumbs, “Your Grace… when you returned to Teyvat few days ago, we in the Abyss we’re immediately aware of your presence. I tried so hard to find you, and I’m mad that I didn’t find you first. I should be the only one allowed to help you, only I know the truth of this world.”

“The truth of this world?”

Aether pulls you to stand up with him, “I know this may be hard to hear, but please listen to me.”

You could feel the anxiety crawl up your back as you wait for him to continue talking. You’ve been so blindsided by the False Creator that anything else that happened in Teyvat wasn’t a concern for you at the moment.

“The archons are taking advantage of your kindness,” he begins, “your world is becoming corrupted because of them. Teyvat never had this many monsters on it before, and it’s all their doing.”

You pull your hands away from his grip, his eyes widen but he lets go. “I know how it may sound but I would never lie to you Your Grace.”

You cross your arms looking away from him, “this is a lot to take in. Are you trying to tell me that I cannot trust my own Archons?”

He shakes his head, “I would never tell you what you can and can’t do, I’m just telling you do not be blinded because you know them from the past. It’s been centuries, they can change.”

Aether reaches out to grab your hands again, you put up no fight as he laces his fingers with yours and he smiles gently. “Come with me Your Grace. Together, we can get rid of the fake you on the throne and make Teyvat whole again. The Abyss will welcome you with open arms.”

“I’m not letting them go anywhere with you.”

Behind Aether, Yelan was holding a few sticks in her hand, but you could tell she would drop them at any moment if she had to go on the defense.

“You know for someone who doesn’t want anyone to know they’re on Teyvat, a lot of people keep finding you, Your Grace.” She teases.

Aether gives Yelan a death glare but makes no attempt to unlace your hands, “you cannot protect Their Grace like I can and how dare you talk to them like that?

She scoffs at his words, “I’m letting them go anywhere with someone from- what did you say?- oh right, the Abyss. You hate humanity. Their Grace will stay here where they belong.”

He scowls but brings his attention back to you, “it seems that we are already out of time.” He lets go of your hands reaching into his pocket to hand you a particular flower. “The next time we meet, I will not allow anyone to interrupt us… and I hope that you join me in the future.”

He turns around shoving his way past the girl walking off into the darkness.

“If we have to collect fire wood later I’ll take you with me, it’s too dangerous for you to be alone.” Yelan states taking a few steps toward you before dropping the sticks on the ground. “You Grace, just like with the Fatui, the Abyss cannot be trusted. I would even say they are more dangerous, whoever that man was, you should stay far away from him.”

You say nothing staring at the flower in your hand, you recognized it’s origins the second you saw it, the flower was from Khaenri'ah. Was this his way of telling you that everything he said was the truth, that he actually was around before and during the destruction of the nation. You bring the flower close to your chest closing your eyes.

“Erm, Your Grace?”

You jump at the sound of her voice, “sorry I’m just a little distracted.”

She gives you a reassuring smile, “don’t pay any mind to whatever he said. He was probably just trying to trick you and use your powers to destroy humanity.

Yelan kneels down fixing the sticks to build a fire. Even though you nod at her explanation you couldn’t help but feel relieved that she didn’t hear everything he had told you. Trying to explain the fall of a nation that no one should know existed anymore would be impossible, especially since you still had questions about it yourself.

“Here let me do it.” You kneel down using the Pyro element to light a small fire on the wood.

Both of you sit in front of the fire in a comfortable silence, but your mind kept going back to everything Aether had told you, was he telling you the truth? Or should you believe Yelan who said that he just wanted your power for the destruction of humanity.

“You should try getting some sleep Your Grace.” Yelan whispers, “I’ll keep watch over you.”

The overwhelming sense of fatigue washes over you, “are you sure?” You ask. She nods, “Of course, I would never forgive myself if something were to happen while you’re with me and I don’t think anyone else would forgive me either. The last thing I need is two Adepti mad at me. Please sleep.”

With that final reassurance you let yourself relax in the soft grass, the ancient flower Aether gave you laid by your side as you stare up at the stars. You couldn’t help but wonder how many more people were after you. The Fatui, the Abyss, and probably the Archons as well since the Gnosis alerted your presence to them.

You let out a breath closing your eyes. Wondering who you could possibly run into next.

A few days ago, Sumeru City

“Lumine you’ve returned, but you don’t have who I asked for…”

A few hours after Lumine and Nahida split away from the true Creator, they returned to Sumeru City. Nahida entered Irminsul like she said she would and now Lumine stood in front of the False One like before. Yet it felt different this time, if she were to mess up it wouldn’t just be her life at risk, many others were counting on her as well. The real Creator was counting on her.

The Traveler bows stiffly at them, “I have some… news regarding the task you gave me.”

They told their head at her statement sitting up straight in their throne. “Well, what is it? Don’t tell me they got away.”

“No Your Grace, it isn’t that. I managed to locate the individual I told you about. When I told them to come with me I guess they got suspicious that I was going to bring them back here and they took off running. While I was pursuing them, they fell off a ledge and…”

“Are you telling me that they are dead?”

Lumine, who was still bowing, nods a bit. “Yes, I checked myself.”

The False Creator lifts themselves of the throne walking slowly down the staircase until they stood right in front of the girl. They grip her chin lightly bringing her gaze to meet theirs.

“And where is their body now?”

“I pushed it into the river… I assumed since they look like you, no one else should see them.”

They smile, “how smart of you, but I’m still disappointed. All of amazing stories I’ve heard about you and you couldn’t do one thing I asked of you. I’m disappointed…”

Lumine swallows trying to keep her composure, she hadn’t felt this terrified since she had seen the defiled Statue of the Seven.

They let go of her chin crossing their arms behind their back, “now what should I do with you, Traveler? Can I trust you?”

“Yes your Grace! I will never tell anyone about this…”

They nod at her declaration, “don’t worry I trust you, but I can’t help but get a bit paranoid at times. So I hope you understand why I have to do this.”

“Do what?” She asks.

“Guards!” They call out and almost immediately a dozen Sumeru guards enter the room bowing as they await their orders.

“Take her and the fairy away. They’ll be staying in Sumeru for a little longer.”

The guards waste no time surrounding the Traveler pulling them away from the False Creator, Lumine tries to fight them off but there was too many of them.

“Don’t worry.” They say a smirk on their face, “I have no intention of hurting you or your companion, but I cannot risk this information getting out to any else in Teyvat.”

The Traveler is pulled out the room without another word the last thing she heard is the False Creator asking one of the guards to find Nahida immediately.

In Liyue, present day

“Wake up sleepyhead…” a voice sings.

A groan leaves your mouth as you turn over.

“Do I have to throw water on you? C’mon time to wake up!”

You open your eyes and your met with a kneeling Yelan who smiles at you.

“Ah, there’s those beautiful eyes.” She coos, “it’s time get moving if you want to make it to Liyue Harbor before sunset.”

You sit up rubbing your eyes, “you let me sleep through the whole night? Aren’t you tired?”

“You looked exhausted. Don’t worry about me Your Grace, I’ll be fine.”

Yelan holds her hand out to help you stand and you accept rising to your feet. Not without grabbing your flower first.

“Are you going to keep that?” She asks.

You look down at it, “well it is beautiful.”

“Alright,” she hums stomping out the campfire, “you ready to leave?”

You nod, “let’s go.”

Somewhere else in Liyue

The eleventh Fatui Harbinger was looking for someone.

It was supposed to be a close kept secret between him, the Tsaritsa, and the other Harbingers but he had accidentally slipped and told some of the soldiers under his command due to his anxiousness.

That slip up might’ve cost him what he was looking for.

He stares coldly at the few soldiers that kneeled at his feet, they were the ones he had sent to the Chasm.

“Lord Harbinger! Please forgive us!” One of them cry.

“We had no idea someone was listening to what we were saying.”

He scoffs at their excuses, “you’ve heard the saying about Liyue, there are ears everywhere. If you were under the command of any of my comrades they would waste no time in killing you.”

They tense up, even thought their eyes wasn’t visible due to their masks, they made no effort to meet his gaze.

“You’re lucky that I am in a good mood but that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Find that woman.” He waves his hand and they take off.

When he and the other Harbingers witnessed the glowing of the gnosis, it had cleared many doubts he had about what the Tsaritsa was thinking.

To clarify, his doubts were about the Creator. Or rather, the False One.

The Fake Creator had been on Teyvat way before Childe was born so as he grew up with his parents had told him all the amazing things they had done.

Then he fell into the Abyss and that’s when he first encountered the idea that the one on the throne wasn’t who they claimed to be. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind putting his focus on his family until he joined the Fatui.

In the Fatui is when he was reintroduced to The Creator not being, well, The Creator. Now it wasn’t something he could just push away, he actually wanted to know if it was the truth or not. The Tsaritsa explained to him that if they collect all seven Gnosis they can summon the real Creator back to Teyvat.

So when the Jester sent him to Liyue to collect Rex Lapis Gnosis, he jumped at the opportunity.

“Lord Harbinger…” a timid voice says, “we had located the woman.”

“And?”

“You were right, they are with her.”

“Lead me there.”

-

They were right. His soldiers were right.

A few meters up ahead he could see them and the woman he instantly recognized to be Yelan. She had popped up on the Fatui’s radar years ago due to her… persuasive methods of learning Fatui secrets from the lower ranks.

It felt as if he was frozen to the ground, he never expected to find you in Liyue. He believed someone else would’ve been the one to find you, but no, it was him.

He felt so lucky, he was going to be the first Harbinger you’d talk to.

-

“…and that’s how I got this jacket.”

You laugh a bit, “well aren’t you a sneaky one?”

“You’re right, she’s always sticking her nose in business that doesn’t involve her.” Childe smiles directly at you as Yelan puts her arm up in front of you defensively.

“I knew we’d run into you, but I didn’t expect it to be this soon.”

Childe laughs, “well I hope you don’t mind me taking Their Grace off your hands then?”

Yelan’s eyes narrow, “Their Grace isn’t something you Fatui can just take as your own. They are going with me.”

He rolls his eyes at her directing his attention to you, “Her Majesty the Tsaritsa has been waiting for you for a long time Your Grace. Come with me to Snezhnaya.”

Yelan looks back at you, “Don’t listen to him. This is the Fatui Harbinger Childe that I told you about. His motives are unknown.”

You look at the Yelan then at Childe.

“We in the Fatui would never hurt our Creator.” He states.

“What does Snezhnaya even have to offer Their Grace?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.” He argues.

“Both of you stop fighting!” You say suddenly causing both of them to look over at you. “What does the Tsaritsa want from me?”

His dull eyes light up at your question, “Her Majesty believes she knows where the False Creator comes from. So as soon as you made your presence known, we began searching for you.”

You step closer to him despite Yelans warnings.

“She found out where the False Creator came from?”

Childe nods, “please come to Snezhnaya with me Your Grace. The False Creator is the reason you returned, right?”

“You’re right.”

“Then we shouldn’t waste anymore time.” He clasps his hands together.

You turn giving Yelan reassuring smile, “Yelan. Thank you so much for your help up until this point, and I will never forget everything you’ve told me but I have to go with him. If whatever the Tsaritsa knows is right, that could change everything.”

She nods bitterly, “if you must go, allow me to come with you. I’ll protect you with my life.”

You reach out grabbing her hand, “That’s sweet of you but I can’t. Even if I needed protection I can tell that he is way too powerful for you to defeat on your own. I promise that I will return to Liyue.”

She hold your hand tightly, “alright then. I’ll wait for your return.”

And with that, You leave Yelan alone as you walk off with Childe.

“How are we getting to Snezhnaya?” You ask.

“By boat, it’s waiting for us right outside Liyue Harbor.”

“Right outside?” You raise a brow.

He laugh a bit, “Well people from Snezhnaya aren’t welcome in other nations anymore. It would’ve drawn unnecessary attention us if we anchored at the dock, and I doubt the Liyue Qixing would let us be there anyway.”

You suppose his explanation made sense, he wasn’t the only person to tell you how unwelcomed Snezhnaya was in other nations.

“Your Grace,” Childe says after a moment of silence. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, it’s not like there’s anything else to do.”

He keep walking but stares at you, “what did Yelan tell you? About the Fatui I mean.”

“She told me that you all have done terrible things and how a few years ago you all had an unprecedented amount of power in every nation.”

He hums, “I see…”

It falls silent once more, as you both continue walking towards the nation of Geo.

-

A few hours after you had split with Yelan and decided to join the Fatui Harbinger Childe, you two (and the rested of his crew that trailed behind you) arrived at Liyue. All you had to do was walk across the bridge and you’d be in the Harbor.

However Liyue Harbor wasn’t your destination anymore.

Right off to the side of the bridge was a fairly large sized boat, Childe leads you to the hatch allowing you to step on first then he follows.

“The trip to the Zapolyarny Palace is only a few hours,” He explains, “but you’re going to need this when we get there.”

Childe digs through a chest pulling out a luxurious coat, it was made out of the finest materials Teyvat had to offer.

“One of my comrades had this custom made just for you. Well actually he had way more than one made so no matter who had encountered you first, you would have something to keep you warm once we enter Snezhnaya.”

You take the coat from him, the second the material touches your fingers you could tell how expensive it was. There was an insane amount of care and respect put into making this.

“That is very sweet of him,” you mutter, “I should thank him once we arrive.”

He lets out a sigh resting his head in his palm muttering to himself, “it will only go to his head…”

You want to laugh at his comment but decide you should pretend you didn’t hear him. Looking out to sea, your mind finally fills with everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours.

Even though Childe told you that the Cryo archon figured out where the False Creator came from, you kept thinking about what Aether told you the night before.

Should you trust the Archons? Was the Tsaritsa leading you to Snezhnaya with a Trojan Horse? Or was it Aether that was lying to you.

You try to shake the thoughts out of your head, it would only be a few hours before you know for sure.

An unknown location in Sumeru City

It had been days since Lumine had been thrown into this dungeon. It wasn’t the same place the Sages had put her a year ago, it was probably a precaution so that none of her Akademiya friends found her.

“Traveler” Paimon whines, “what are we gonna do?”

Lumine brings her knees to her chest, “I don’t know Paimon. No one knows we are here, we have no way to reach out to the Creator or Nahida.

The fairy flys around sadly for a moment before her eyes widen, “wait a second! Why don’t you try reaching out to Nahida in your dreams.”

Lumine picks her head up, “you’re so smart Paimon! Maybe not using you as emergency food was a good idea.”

Paimon scoffs, “this is not the time for joking around! And for the last time, Paimon is not emergency food!”

The Traveler moves to lays down on her back steadying her breathing as she closes her eyes. Soon enough, she falls into a light slumber trying to the best of her ability to reach out to the Dendro Archon.

..

“…Nahida…?”

“Lumine…?” A familiar voice says, “I can hear you, where are you?”

“The False Creator. They locked me in some dungeon.”

“That’s horrible, did they not believe you?”

“No, I think they believed me… did you find anything in Irminsul?”

“Yes… it’s horrible… I’ve been searching for you everywhere to tell you.”

“Well, what is it?”

“The False Creator… they were created by Celestia.”

Note: this part took way longer to put out than the others, but I just want to say thank you so much for all the love on this series and for all the follows and reblogs you all have given me. I never expected this story to do so well!! :’)

And I know, I know, many people have maybe Celestia the enemy in SAGAU (be cuz they are) but I just trust me :>

© avocad1s please do not plagiarize or post to any other website

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[emberfrostlovesloki]

Baby Fever [Emily x Reader]

Photo Credits Left and Right (@meditando-en-paris) Center (@emily12o1970)

Prompt: The reader asks Emily if she wants to have a baby together. While this is a surprise, Emily has a little question of her own for the reader.

Pairing: [established relationship] Emily x Non-BAU!reader. The Reader uses she/her pronouns 

Category: fluff/comfort

Word Count: 6.8K

Content Warnings: Slight angst, talk of getting pregnant, food and alcohol are mentioned, implied intimacy, discussion of politics. If I missed any, please let me know.  

A/N: Hi all! I’m so sorry it’s been a while since I’ve posted any fics in a while. The end of the semester has been wildly busy. However, I return with an Emily fic for @imagining-in-the-margins March and April writing challenge. I made my own prompt that is, a member of the couple isn’t sure they’ll make a good parent; they are reassured by a friend that they will be perfect. This is a continuation of my Moschino and Muddy Water series. You can find parts one, two, three, and four here (linked) You can read this as a stand-alone as well, you just need to know the reader works for a senator. This story kind of humbled me and challenged me as it took a long time to write and I needed to do lots of edits on it. But that is a good reminder for me. Writing can be hard, but it is worth the result to see you can come what you can come up with. If you enjoy this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! Love Levi - ❤️

List with all stories 

y/n = your name 

y/s/t = your skin tone 

_y/f/s_ = your favorite scent

Emily walked into the living room of her apartment. y/n and she had recently repainted it a neutral beige that Derek had described as “sad sand” at brunch with Penelope, Spencer, JJ, and Will last month. y/n had nearly choked on her drink as he made the remark. It had been y/n’s idea to repaint their space to a more relaxing color. When y/n had suggested it, Emily had said, “Oh, what brought this on lover? Wasn’t it you last week who mentioned the security deposit on this place?” Em liked teasing y/n about these things because y/n was always a little more impulsive about things. Their dynamic remained light despite the hectic nature of their jobs. The ability to relax and joke in their off time kept both y/n and Prentiss sane. However, they were good at reading each other, most of the time. When things felt heavy or the job was pushing them to the edge of a breakdown, the jokes and teasing went out the window. 

Only once had y/n made a joke in poor taste about a case that Emily had not yet fully described, and the tall brunette had snapped. y/n had looked at her girlfriend with shock. Prentiss never spoke to her in this tone nor with the angry expression she had on her face. The silence in the room after Emily's outburst was deafening. Emily instantly felt guilty for how she had reacted. Prentiss cleared her throat and tried to apologize, but y/n said, “Save it. I need a minute.” y/n had moved back to their room and closed the door, and burst into tears. ‘A minute’ turned out to be a long sleepless night for the couple. y/n tossed and turned and wondered if she was overreacting and what she had missed about Emily when she came in with her go-bag. She had seemed fine to y/n as she came in with a smile and normal attitude. Meanwhile on the couch, Emily wondered why she had reacted with such venom. y/n was only trying to lighten the mood, and she hadn’t said how horrible she felt. If she had, Emily knew y/n would hug her and kiss her and make her feel better inside of cracking a joke. Prentiss sat up and looked out the open window onto to the street as a few cars drove by. Emily wondered what brought those driving out so late. Who were they and where they were going? She wondered if they were happy. She slumped back into the couch cushions and missed the warmth of y/n’s snuggled up in front of her and the cool feel of their sheets over them. 

In the morning, both Em and y/n had gotten up at the same time. Prentiss moved into their room which she found unlocked. y/n looked up at her. Em could see that she had been crying and the lack of sleep on y/n’s face. Before Prentiss could say anything, y/n stated, “I’m sorry, Emily. I’m sorry for how I acted. Immature and like a child. You didn’t deserve that.” Emily dropped her head and replied, “I’m sorry too. It was wrong of me to shout at you like that. You were just trying to make me happy.” y/n swallowed and said, “I was, but I must have been missing something. Would you tell me about the case, or what caused you to act like that?” 

Prentiss nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed taking y/n’s hand in hers. “Yes. Let me explain. Thank you for giving me the time and care to listen.” After a long conversation, the pair set up some boundaries about not keeping things inside after cases for Emily and taking time to check in after she got home for y/n. y/n knew Emily had been acting okay, but in reality, she wasn't. y/n noted that if she was in Emily’s shoes, she might want to laugh after work and a case and y/n thought Emily might feel the same way. So after they had talked and kissed and made up, they both felt a bit crusty and decided to take a shower together. 

It felt wonderful as Emily’s strong hands moved down her y/s/t’ed shoulders and back. The soap suds moved down y/n’s back and Prentiss rubbed them over her lush behind and thighs. y/n sighed into the touch. When Emily had finished rinsing y/n off, y/n turned and had Em face the water. y/n placed a dollop of her shampoo that smelled of rose and juniper berry in her palm. Prentiss smiled as y/n’s fingers brushed through her silky dark strands of hair massaging her scalp and then making sure that all of her locks were coated in shampoo before turning Em to rinse off her shoulder-length hair. After a few more minutes the water started running tepid, and y/n and Emily got out and dried off. They spent the rest of the Saturday morning lounging around and getting coffee from the fancy place two blocks over. It felt lovely to be back and not have an argument hanging over them. As y/n opened the door for Prentiss, she thought about how they worked together. They had their moments and arguments like any couple, but all in all, they were steady. It seemed that steady was something new to both of them, and it made them happy and secure in one another. It had made y/n so happy and secure that it had got her thinking about roots, about the future. 

A few weeks later, y/n woke up early and realized that Emily was up. She snapped her laptop shut. The sound had Em turn around and look at y/n with just a hint of concern in her dark eyes. y/n smiled and got out of her seat saying, “Good morning, baby. How did you sleep?” Emily’s face broke into a soft smile and she replied, “I slept well. I love it when you’re the big spoon. It makes me sleep like a baby.” y/n got up and wrapped Em in a hug and whispered in her ear, “Well, I’ll have to do that more often then.” y/n inhaled her smell and tried to hide the blush on her face before pulling back and saying, “Do you want some breakfast and coffee? Or maybe a mimosa. I feel like cooking something if you want.” Prentiss nodded and said, “I think I could go for some blueberry or chocolate chip waffles if you’re down to make them.” y/n nodded and replied, “Of course. What are we feeling for drinks?” Em let out a small laugh and said, “Well, how about I make us lattes and you pop open some prosecco? We’ve still got juice in the fridge too. I’ll get the glasses.” y/n nodded knowing that Emily didn’t like popping corks --  a quirk that y/n thought was so cute. Em turned away to get the fluted glasses for the mimosas and while her back was turned she considered how y/n had been acting the last few days. It was like she was holding some secret. When y/n’s computer was in front of her, y/n always seemed to close it quickly or move it so she couldn’t see the screen. It wasn’t only that. Sometimes she was on the phone and talking quietly to someone she didn’t know. The pit in Emily’s stomach grew. And yet when she looked back at y/n who was humming her new favorite song while pulling eggs out from the middle row of the fridge. 

This was so unlike y/n to hide things from her. When it had first happened, Emily thought that maybe y/n was cheating but that wasn’t something that y/n would do unless she had really misread her girlfriend and their relationship wasn’t going anywhere. This bothered Prentiss because she was planning on asking y/n to marry her in a month on their second anniversary. Even if things weren’t good with them, which y/n’s behavior indicated otherwise, Prentiss was uncomfortable with y/n hiding things from her. Em had a good way of feeling out people, and y/n had seemed more excited to be with her recently, so all of the messages both verbal and nonverbal were throwing her for a loop. Prentiss was going to talk to JJ and Penelope about it on Monday to see if they had any insight into what was going on. At this point, y/n and the rest of the girls on the BAU were thick as blood. Em took a breath and decided to not let her self-doubt ruin their relationship. She had let that happen before, and even though it had turned out to be a good thing, Emily didn’t want to do that here. She loved y/n, and she knew y/n loved her. If y/n needed to tell her something, Emily knew she would, even if it was something difficult to hear. Prentiss fixed her face and took a breath before setting the glasses on the counter for y/n who leaned in and gave her a kiss before she moved to the coffee maker. 

y/n started mixing up the waffle batter. y/n didn’t like keeping things from Emily, but this was such a big subject to even bring up, and she wanted to have all of the facts beforehand. Not so that she could try and argue her point with Emily, but so she was sure it was what she wanted. But the more y/n looked at their options of getting pregnant, the firmer y/n was about her desire to start a family with Em. It was a conversation they had had before. A shared desire to have kids and raise them in a house full of love and tenderness that neither y/n nor Emily had had as children growing up on opposite sides of the globe. So the topic of wanting kids wouldn’t be a shock, just how quickly y/n was bringing it up. And if Emily said she needed more time, y/n would wait, but she couldn’t deny that her baby fever was growing thanks to JJ’s pregnancy and some recent laws passing. The whole idea made y/n’s stomach flutter in both delight and worry. Thankfully y/n was almost ready to tell Em, and again there would be no secrets to hold, just a future to plan, whatever that looked like for them. 

         The following Monday at work, Emily found Penelope in her office with its room full of screens and trinkets. Prentiss smiled at how Garcia’s personality shone through wherever she was. Em found the tech whizz inspirational in that way and many others. Garcia was busy typing something on her laptop and Emily had called her name twice already. Without any other options apart from pulling the plug on one of Penelope's babies, Emily tapped her on the shoulder instead. The genius shot out of her seat and Prentiss was eternally grateful that Gacria wasn’t holding one of her large cups of soda. “My God Emily, are you trying to get me out of my skin?” Penelope retorted when she had caught her breath. Em smiled and said, “It was that, or pull the plug on your computer. I thought you’d appreciate the latter. I did call your name twice.” Garcia let out a shaky laugh and said, “Okay, well lord, I have to stop listening to music so loud when I’m at work. Hotch got mad at me for it once already and somehow he’s always right because I don’t want to be scared like that again. So what brings you to my cave today dear? Need me to cast a love spell on you?” Prentiss laughed and replied, “Well I’m okay on that front. A clarification spell might be more in order. Are you back on the RPG game again?” Garcia blushed and said, “Maybe, maybe not. Anyhow, does the team need my presence?” Em nodded her head no, sat down on the ledge of Penelope's table, and said, “Not right now. I was just wondering if y/n had talked to you recently. She’s been acting kind of strange in the last three weeks and I just wanted to know if she has something planned?” 

Penelope was buzzing in her seat because she had an answer but had promised y/n that she wouldn’t say anything to Emily about it. y/n had discreetly asked around the office if anyone knew someone who had IVF treatments before and would be willing to talk candidly about the process, how much it cost, and the pros and cons of the procedure. The only other person who did know someone who had gone through In Vitro Fertilization was Rossi, but Dave didn’t think that person would want to discuss such an intimate part of their lives with a stranger, even if it was a friend of his. However, Penelope had a good friend named Shayla back from her college days who was now a happy single mom and had moved to the Virginia area last year for a new job with her little boy. y/n had met Shayla once before, and when Garcia brought her up as a possibility, y/n almost begged her to ask Shayla if she was comfortable talking about the long process. When Pen brought it up in their next catch-up call, Shayla happily agreed to share her knowledge. She had done plenty of research before deciding to move forward with having a child on her own, understood the great sacrifice and fears that could come with it, and was happy to give any helpful information she had. Of course, this conversation had prompted Penelope to ask y/n why she was asking and y/n had revealed that she was thinking of asking Emily to have a baby with her. Garcia had freaked out, jumping up and down in excitement. y/n had to stop her from running out of the room and shouting at anyone that her friend was getting pregnant. Once the blonde analyst had settled down, y/n took a breath and said, “Now Penelope. I know you’re excited but I’m just in the research stage which sounds calculated when I put it like that, I haven’t told Emily about this yet and I need to be sure I feel confident before I spring this on her. Could you please please, please not tell her?” Garcia nodded seriously and said, “My lips are sealed. I pinky promise.” y/n let out a sigh of relief. 

But as Garcia was faced with Emily now, it wasn’t as easy as telling y/n her secret was safe. It was threatening to burst out of her seams and she needed to come up with an excuse fast or risk losing a dear friend in y/n. Penelope cleared her throat and said, “Hey, Em. I kinda stayed up all night playing that game and well as you can see I’m running numbers for Stan’s team….” She gave her best pleading eyes that seemed to work on everyone. Prentiss let out a soft laugh and replied, “Alright, What flavor do you want grape, Cola, or orange?” Pen smiled brightly and said, “Orange, please. You are a lifesaver!” Emily patted her on the top of her blond head and said, “Well just hope Hotch or JJ doesn’t call a new case while I’m gone. You should get someone to install controls or something on your system at home to stop you from staying up twenty-four-seven.” Garica scoffed, looked at Emily’s retreating form, and said, “Baby, if anyone could crack into my harddrive, I’d let them.” As Emily moved out of the office and toward the 7-11 to get Penelope’s soda, she felt relieved. Not that she fully believed nothing was happening with y/n, but if the team hadn’t noticed anything, then, it made her feel better. Once Emily was out of sight, Penelope whipped out her phone and texted y/n: “Emily is asking questions, baby girl. I’d start thinking about asking her soon or she might find out what you’re doing.” 

The week moved by quickly with lots of paperwork for Emily and the start of a new campaign cycle for y/n who moaned about it as much as possible without being annoying to Em. It didn’t help that the senator y/n worked with had gotten themselves into another scandal that was rocking their office and party. When y/n was going on a rant about corruption on Friday night Emily hugged her from behind, kissed her temple, and said, “I’m sorry sweetheart. I know it’s annoying, but you're good at your job even if it’s a bad system. But that doesn’t make you bad.” y/n relaxed into Prentiss’s embrace. y/n let out a sigh and said, “I’m sorry for going off. I know it’s annoying.” Emily nuzzled her face into y/n’s neck to relax her further as she whispered, “Don’t apologize y/n. Work can be agonizing sometimes, I know that as much as anyone. If it bothers me I'll tell you. Now, how about we do something fun tomorrow? We could get brunch at that place we like in midtown. You know the place where you asked me out officially?” y/n’s face broke out into a smile and she said, “I’d love that Em. Sorry if I’ve been a little distant right now. I’ve been thinking about some things and I want to share them with you in the morning. It’s nothing bad or anything, but something I just want to discuss with you. You’re everything to me love, and I’m so happy we’re together.” Prentiss’s heart fluttered knowing that y/n was finally going to tell her what was going on. Her words were reassuring, that it ‘wasn't’ bad’ or ‘anything bad about her,’ but even so, her nerves sang inside as they both headed to bed. 

In the morning, y/n woke up slightly early for a Saturday and got into a hot shower. She washed her body in _y/f/s_ed body wash. She then moved to her hair and shampooed and conditioned it. Lastly y/n shaved so her legs were smooth. When she stepped out of the shower, Emily was up. y/n walked into their room in a towel, and Em looked up from the bed, Her brown eyes got wider and she said, “Well, good morning, love?” y/n smiled and said, “Morning sweetheart.” y/n dropped her towel, and lazily crawled on the bed. Emily followed her with her eyes and her tongue slipped out of her mouth and wetted her lower lip subconsciously. y/n grinned and moved over Emily’s body and kissed her gently at first and then with more passion. Em snaked her hands around y/n’s hips. Once y/n’s tongue was slipped into Emily’s mouth, her fingers moved to y/n’s hair and tugged it gently at the root. After y/n and Prentiss were desperate for air, y/n pulled away and moved onto her knees before saying, “Maybe we should get dressed or we’ll miss brunch sweetheart.” Emily whined and said, “Do we have to?” y/n laughed and replied, “I think so. I’m in need of a good mimosa and waffle. Plus, we can get right back to this when we get back if we want.” Emily sat up and brushed her thumb over y/n’s jaw before saying, “Alright love. Give me a few minutes to get ready and we can go. It’s good if we go sooner though because you know how crazy that place gets after 11:00.” y/n nodded in agreement as she moved to the closet to pick out a spring dress and some matching jewelry while Emily used the bathroom and vanity to get ready. Emily chose a pink jumpsuit that fit her curves perfectly and was strapless showing off her lovely shoulders and neck. 

y/n and Emily got to the restaurant before the big rush and were seated outside at a quiet corner table surrounded by a fence and hedge that gave the space a cool and calm feeling away from the bustle inside and the rush of cars outside. A waiter came and got their drink orders and while he was there, Emily and y/n also ordered pain au chocolat. Emily got a glass of white wine and y/n got a pomegranate mimosa, and they both got coffee. The lean man noted what they wanted and moved away. The wait time at this spot was longer giving people time to relax and talk. y/n looked at Emily wondering if she should start the conversation. Emily returned y/n’s smile, her face looking radiant in the glow of the midmorning sun. Prentiss shifted in her seat and said, “You’ve been looking so happy the last few days. Whatever it is you have to tell me I just want to say I’m so happy to see you like this. I wish every day could be like this. That there wasn’t the stress or worry of our jobs looming over us. But you make me feel safe and seen every day, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

Once Emily said the words aloud, the idea in her head sprang so full and bright that she felt like she might be bowled over by a small breeze. The idea had been there for a few months but she hadn’t planned it. Certainly hadn’t even dreamed of it being like this, but it felt so right. When she looked over at y/n who was clearly saying something, Emily thought for a brief moment that she might be looking at the sun, blinding it it’s light and radiance. Prentiss cleared her throat and mind and finally heard y/n repeat, “Are you alright darling? You were in your own world there for a second.” Emily nodded now knowing what she was going to do and said, “Yeah I’m good. I just had an idea. So I suppose I have something to tell you too. But you go first. What was it you were wanting to tell me today that you’ve been so secretive about?” y/n blushed and felt better now that they both were going to say something, though she had no idea what Emily had up her sleeve. y/n replied, “Well why don’t you go first.” Prentiss shot back teasingly, “No you first.” They repeated this one more time before they both blurted out at the same time: 

“I want to have a baby with you.” 

“I want to marry you.” 

When Emily and y/n both registered what the other had said they were stunned into silence. y/n felt her chest tighten with emotions that threatened to bubble over. She composed herself first and asked in awe, “Emily Prentiss, are you proposing to me right now?” Emily took a shallow breath in at what y/n had said about wanting a baby and y/n’s question and, she said, “I am, sweetheart. It just felt right right now. I don’t want to spend another day without you being mine in the most real way possible. Time just goes by so fast and as soon as we know it we’ll both be grey and have bad knees. We’re both gone so often from each other so I’d like you to be mine if you’re willing to be. y/n, will you marry me?” Emily got out of her chair and onto one knee. Again she was glad they were in a quieter part of the restaurant. y/n nodded her head yes and fell to her knees next to Em embracing her in a hug and saying, “Yes, Oh of course I will. I love you so much, I want my whole life with you.” They both stayed there for a moment on the brick floor before Emily raised her head from y/n’s shoulder wiping her own eyes of the salty liquid at her corneas before pulling back and helping y/n to her feet. They hugged properly with a tight embrace that said they would never be apart for longer than they had to be, and even when they were apart, they would still be together. Em pulled back and said, “I’m sorry I don’t have a ring for you, but it just felt right to ask you now. I promise I’ll get you one that’s just perfect.” y/n smiled and said, “I know whatever you pick out will be perfect love.” She leaned in and planted her mouth on Emily’s and they both let go of each other with a feeling of lightness and ecstasy that neither had expected this morning in bed. Just as they both sat down, the waiter returned with their pastries and drinks on a tray. He set all the plates and glasses down and said he’d be back in a bit to see if they needed anything else. 

Once he had gone, y/n and Emily raised their glasses to their engagement and y/n said, “To the best fiance I could ever ask for!” As they clinked glasses Em added, “And to my favorite person in the whole world.” They both took sips of their drinks and what y/n had said resurfaced to the front of Prentiss’s mind after the euphoria of y/n saying yes to her proposal dimmed slightly. Em leaned forward and asked, “y/n you want to have a baby?” y/n flushed and nodded sheepishly. Suddenly talking to Emily about this made her feel nervous. With a steadying breath y/n replied, “Not just a baby Em. I want to have your baby. I’ve been researching reciprocal IVF. Looking up what the procedure is like for both parties, how expensive it is, and where there are clinics nearby that we could visit and consult with. I even went as far as talking to some people who’ve done it before to see how their experience was for them. That’s what I’ve been researching for the last few weeks. And I know this sounds so fast. Like I’m rushing. I don’t mean to pressure you into making a choice now or next week or month or even year. I just want you to know that I’d love to build a life with you. A life that might include children in the future if that’s something you're interested in. I just wanted to have all the facts I could about what that would possibly be like before springing something this big on you” Emily absorbed the information and took a sip of her drink. She said with a smile, “Look at you doing your research. Not that you don’t research, but I think we’re rubbing off on each other. You’re making me more comfortable in making big moves like proposing while I’m making you research a topic as much as possible.” y/n laughed and said, “Well, I guess that makes us pretty compatible, huh.” Emily chuckled and continued to think about what y/n had just said. 

It wasn’t something they had talked about recently, but children was a topic of discussion they had had and it made Emily relieved to know that y/n left that secure in their relationship that it was something she was seriously thinking about. Now that they were engaged, it only made more sense, even though y/n couldn’t have known that coming into today. For a moment Emily pictured y/n cradling their baby, and then a toddler running around their apartment, and the child grown up and going off to school. Prentiss pulled herself from the film playing in her head. As lovely an image as it was, it was a lot to think about. She lifted her eyes up to y/n’s nervous gaze. Prentiss moved her right hand to y/n’s and held it across the table saying, “I think that’s a beautiful idea y/n. It is a lot to think about. I do appreciate that you’re comfortable enough to tell me something that’s really important to you. Would you mind if I give it some time to think through?” y/n squeezed Emily’s palm and replied, “Take all the time you need love. There’s no rush.” Prentiss felt a surge of warmth move through her not associated with the fact that she was sitting in the sun. Having someone as passionate and who understood her so well was the best thing that could have happened to her. Emily did wonder if something had prompted y/n into her desire for children. She’d never been one to have baby fever before now and the shift was interesting to her. 

Emily watched y/n sip her drink and relax in her chair a bit. Prentiss asked, “Sweetheart, what sparked your desire for kids if anything? Or did it just sort of happen?” y/n sighed and said, “It’s been coming for a while I think, but things have made it speed up for me I suppose.” Emily nodded her head as if to say, “Keep going, love.” y/n placed her palms flat on the table and continued, “I guess that so much crazy stuff has been happening in the country recently. I know you know that. We both do as we work in the government, but the upturning of Roe V. Wade and all the crazy abortion bans popping up all over the place. I suppose I just don’t want to be too late. Like one day we both decided it was time and by then we didn’t even have that option. I don’t mean to sound melodramatic or to push you in any way, we have time, it’s just made me prioritize some things in my life that I hadn’t given too much thought to before now. I mean if Alabama can almost stop IVF then I’m afraid of what might come after that. I suppose having a child became more important to me the more things like that happen here.” 

Emily gave a soft smile, she could more fully see where y/n was coming from and it made sense with her personality. Em moved her hand across the table and stroked her cheek gently before saying, “That makes sense darling. I’m going to have to think about it for a while before we do anything, but maybe when we get home, you can tell me a bit more about the process, and the cost. If we commit to something like this we’re going to need to be saving for some time.” y/n chuckled and said, “Take all the time you need darling. We can save money for that and a wedding too.” Emily paused and said, “Do you mind if I don’t tell the team right away about the engagement? I just want to get a ring and have it be a bit more put together because once I tell them, we’re going to be swamped with questions from JJ, Garcia, and Rossi.” y/n snorted and covered her mouth at how accurate Emily was. She could picture that conversation happening and how Garica would pounce on Em and then how she’d get ten calls for Penelope and then some texts and another call from Dave congratulating her. Since y/n had gotten to know the team more, Rossi had become a father figure which made her heart warm. y/n replied, “Yes, of course sweetheart. That will be a day to remember. Almost as exciting as getting to say yes to you Mrs. Prentiss.” 

Shortly after this their waiter came back and got them a second round of drinks and they ordered some plates to share. The weekend flew by as always, and Emily showed up at Quantico with an excited air about her. The team slowly rolled into the bullpen on work days like they normally did. Em and JJ passed through security at the same time, and JJ who was now very pregnant asked Prentiss, “You seem preoccupied today. Is something up?” Emily tried to stay cool and said, “Nope, well apart from the fact that y/n and I had a late night last night.” Em gave JJ a wink and JJ shot her a sly smile replying, “Well that would make you pretty tired I suppose.” Emily laughed and the two women moved up to their floor. Prentiss hadn’t been lying about y/n and her last night. They’d spent a few pleasurable hours both in the shower and the bed solidifying their bond. Telling one truth and omitting two others felt better than a flat-out lie. Emily was a mix of emotions today and it did make her feel and perhaps look different which she was trying to hide. She was incredibly happy about the unofficial engagement but nervous about y/n’s question. It was more than a question, it was a whole new part of their life if they pursued it. Emily spent a good deal of the morning telling Spencer and Penelope that nothing was wrong and that she was fine but tired. Even Aaron gave her a look saying that he knew something was up. But Hotch didn’t always have the time for gossip and he trusted and knew Em enough that if she was having a serious problem, she could come to him anytime night or day. By lunch time, Prentiss felt a little bit more emotionally drained than she had coming into work. She hardly noticed Derek sneak in behind her to use the microwave when her leftover pasta was finished reheating. 

Morgan said over the hum of the microwave, “So you told Spence and Garcia everything is fine and you gave Hotch that look that it’s all cool and they left you alone, but you're one of the most put-together people on the team and something is off. Keeping secrets is a burden and I’d think you’d like at least one person to know what’s playing in your mind on repeat. Listen if we go on a case or something then it might make you slower. Would you please tell me what’s going on? I won’t tell anyone else. You know I’m also good at keeping a secret.” Derek’s appearance startled Emily, and she jumped at his first few words but calmed quickly as she listened more intently to what he was saying. She bit the inside of her lip. The problem was she knew Derek was right and somehow that bothered her. However, Morgan would be as good a person to tell as any. Their bond was strong, but not as interwoven as the rest of the team. And he was good at keeping quiet. Prentiss deflated slightly and decided to be honest with Derek saying, “Okay but this stays between us, please?” Morgan nodded his consent and indicated for Em to continue. Emily thought of the proposal but knew the issue that was bugging her was what she should say. Finally, she stated, with a slow caution, “y/n wants to have a baby with me.” 

That response was far from what Derek had been expecting, and he blinked a few times just to ensure he’d heard correctly. Slowly a smile crept to his face replying, “That’s amazing, Em!” Emily nodded lightly and Derek was confused as to why she wasn’t showing the same joy he was. He cleared his throat lightly and asked, “Do you not want that Emily?” Prentiss let out a long sigh and said what she’d been thinking about since last night: “I do think I want kids in time. And y/n and I have talked about that before now. We talked about it before we became serious.” Derek was confused by her hesitation and asked, “Is y/n like, rushing you into this?” Emily nodded no and replied, “No not at all. She knows me too well for that. She did a bunch of research beforehand and told me there wasn’t any rush. And also that if kids wasn’t something I was interested in she and I could talk about it.” This reply left Derek even more confused and he scratched the back of his head. Finally, Morgan asked, “So, why are you upset exactly?” Em came out with it and said, “What if I’m a bad mom? I can see y/n being the most loving and caring parent in the world, but my track history with my mother just doesn’t indicate that I’m going to be that competent a parent.” 

When Emily got to the point of contention, Derek couldn’t help but chuckle, and Prentiss lightly slapped his board arm and said, “Don’t laugh at me, Morgan.” Derek managed to stop his chuckling and say, “I’m mainly laughing at your wording, Em. I don’t think any parent would say they are ‘competent.’ And if you’re going to question me on that, ask Hotch if he thinks he’s a competent parent with Jack or JJ with her baby. I swear no one has it all figured out.” Emily was still hesitant and Derek continued, “Emily no matter what you decide it’s going to be the right thing. I know you and y/n won’t jump into anything, but if you ask me, I think you’ll make a fantastic parent.” Emily could tell that Morgan was no longer joking and she asked, “Why do you say that?” She was genuinely curious to hear how he would answer. Morgan leaned against the wall and replied, “Well you could just call it intuition, but the other sign to me is how in tune with yourself and y/n you are. You notice things about everyone, especially y/n. If you decide to have a kid together that will be the most loved child ever. You may not have it all figured out, but with how much you care about each other, I know you and y/n will figure out the rest. You’ll be a great Mom Em.” Emily felt her heart warm slightly and the original image of a child running around her and y/n’s apartment, or the park, or a variety of other idyllic scenes came back in a rush. She knew this wasn’t always going to be the reality, but she felt encouraged and replied to Morgan, “Thanks, Derek. I appreciate that. And thanks for letting me ramble.” Derek smiled again and was happy to see Emily happy. He said, “You got it Em. And my lips are sealed.” Emily felt much better the rest of the day having one person know what she was thinking about. It helped so much that after she had talked about it, she found it much easier to work. 

It was a few weeks later as Prentiss had found the right ring for y/n, and she and y/n had talked about breaking that set of news to the team that Emily came up behind y/n who was standing at the kitchen counter. Prentiss hugged y/n gently from behind and said softly in her ear, “y/n, I want to try. I want to try for a baby with you.” y/n froze and then turned around slowly in Emily’s arms and said, “Really?” Emily nodded and replied, “Really baby. I want some time before we go for it, but I want to be with you.” y/n felt her eyes well with tears of happiness. Her life had felt so empty and barren before she met Emily. Now life felt so full. She was getting married to the best woman ever, and they were planning a family. A lot was yet to come in their journey, but for now, everything was perfect. As the tears started rolling, y/n mouthed, “I love you so, so much Emily,” as she leaned in with her tear-stained face and kissed Em with all the love she could give. Emily wrapped her arms around y/n and kissed her back. Yes, time went quickly, but together they would make the most of every minute there was between them and the family they were planning.

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A little sub Nete for all the hoes

Good GOD I have too much time on my hands (and still not enough to get my shit done??? WTF)

Anyways here’s a drabble/head cannon of sub Nete (ALSO I HAVE NEVER POSTED SMUT B4 PLS DON’T BE MEAN TO ME)

Warnings- I literally just said tf. Nah jk, orgasm denial, no use of fem pronouns I don’t think?? Sub Neteyam, cursing

***

“Eywa baby please” he whines, writhing on your matt desperately

He was truly, quite a sight to be seen as he lay there with his cock and lower stomach all covered in your spit and pre-cum, sweating, panting and his hands in fists as he desperately tried to keep them away from your hair.

You’d been denying him an orgasm for the past thirty minutes or so and he was about to break.

You ran just one finger up and down the underside of his cock, watching him shudder and shake at the slightest touch. “Nngh yawne, I’m gonna—” you quickly retracted your hand and he let out a cry of displeasure as you let out a derisive laugh “Just from that? How desperate are you?”

“So desperate, so desperate, please sweetheart” he begged you. You hum through your nose as you take one glance up and down him, you gently take his hand in yours and he clutches it tight enough to break the bones, but you pay no mind to that. “Make it till ten and you can cum, before that I’ll ruin it for you”

He audibly whimpers, face full of distain and you can see his own self-doubt “I know you can do it pretty boy; don’t you want to cum?” he nods vigorously “Where?”

“In you—I-inside you” You chuckle and crawl up his body until your sitting on his pelvis, the look on his face is so desperate, you almost felt bad for him. Almost. You rub your finger over his bottom lip, he’s clinging to any physical touch you give him as he kisses your finger over and over. You guide his face to yours and give him a sweet kiss, as you line his cock up and slowly sink down on him. You’ve learned to love the sting after so many nights of having sex, the pain and the pleasure enticed and exited you at the same time.

Neteyam was moaning pathetically into your mouth, he could even kiss you back for all the noise he was making. “God damn” he cried quietly. “Ready?” he can only nod.

You begin to ride him, slowly so he’ll at least have a chance to make it. “One” he lifts his hand up and bites the back of it to quiet himself.

“Two” the tortured look on his face is so sexy you cant help it, you wish you had a human camera to capture the way his eyes are pinched closed and his nose wrinkled.

“Three” Actual tears are falling down his cheeks now, though his eyes are tightly closed.

“Four” his abs are flexing violently as he throws his head back, so desperate to cum yet trying not do so at the same time.

“Fffive” you drawl, rubbing your hand on his chest and feeling his racing heartbeat

“Six”

“Seven” He snatches his hand away and clutches his hair with both hands, looking down to where you’re fucking hum and then groaning and throwing his head back again.

“Eight, just two more baby” he’s actually crying now, frustration, stimulation and pleasure all mix in his head.

“Nine. You can touch Nete” his hands leave his hair to grasp your hips tightly, he’s breathing raggedly and sniffling in between breaths

“…Ten”

His whole back arches off of the ground, making sure his whole dick is inside as his body shakes and pleasure consumes his whole being like a tidal wave. He’s grasping your hips so hard, fucking you up and down on him like a ragdoll as he rides through his orgasm. “O-oh y/n” A few more sloppy thrusts and he collapses back onto the ground, staring up at the ceiling in a sort of drunken haze.

You watch him adoringly as you stroke his face, his lips, his jaw. He’s not quite back from whatever you did to him, so you wait patiently for a few more moments until his mind clears.

“Holy…”

You laugh and kiss his forehead, sliding him out of you gently, you can feel maybe two tablespoons of cum drip down your legs as you do. “I don’t think I’ve cum that hard in my entire life,” he says breathlessly, then turns to you, sitting up “Thank you yawne. I love you” “I love you too pretty” you coo, nuzzling your nose to his “Let’s get cleaned up”

[maaikeatthefullmoon]

This week I have mostly been reading...

May 20-26th, 2024

Hooray, I’ve managed it for the second week in a row! *If you have written/illustrated one of the works I've mentioned and I've not tagged you, please let me know!*

Completed works I've read this week:

Under Construction by @summerofspock Rated E – Honestly, this one can be summed up by the rather excellent tags ��there was only one wifi’, ‘weaponized coziness’, ‘erotic woodchopping’ and ‘emotionally significant flannel’ (as in the shirt, not the miniature towel for cleaning one’s self…). It’s cosy, it’s Hallmarkian, it’s disaster puppy Crowley, and Aziraphale has a beard. 10/10 no notes.

Temporal Adjustment by @ukcalico & @vavoom-sorted-art Rated E – Written by Calico to accompany the ever-wonderful vavoom’s art, it’s a Post S1 Ritz scene which plays with time and some *very* spicy scenes. Three chapters of mild D/s content – mind the tags if you’re new to that world.

Sweet Dreams: A Companion Fic by @sixbynine-da & @vavoom-sorted-art Rated E – went down a vavoom rabbit hole, which is truly a delightful hole to go down…pun erm…not intended? But perhaps it was. Anyway. The tags initially had me hesitant to read this one (blood drinking, blood as lube) but it was a much more minor point than I was worried about and it ended up being a beautifully accepting, tender, loving story. I shed a couple of tears at this one.

You Can Stay At My Place, If You Like by AstroGirl Rated T – A lovely, touching piece about the moment A & C switch corporations/bodies and get to experience each other’s thoughts and feelings. Both POVs are written throughout the story, which adds a richness and emotion to it.

If It Looks Like A Duck, And Buzzes Like A Duck, It’s A Sex Toy by @quefish77 Rated M – Look at me bring the tone down after the last recommendation, but ho hum. This one had me weeping with laughter. Once again, the tags tell the story for me: ‘Look if you’re here for medical advice I got bad news for you’, If you don’t say WTF and laugh at least 3 times I’ve failed’, ‘Tags Are Fun’, ‘How many will you read before you roll your eyes and read the fic?, ‘Congratulations! You made it to the end of the tags’, ‘I lied there are more tags’. Yes…there were more tags. I laughed continuously throughout the entire fic, so I’m not sure if that counted as more than three times, and I read all the tags before I started reading, but I can guarantee this does not disappoint, but then none of Quefish’s work ever does if you’re looking for humour.

Aziraphale’s Diaries series by azzfell & @fellshish Rated T – This is a four-part series of humorous, fluffy diary entries written by A. 1. Empirical study on the principles of snake care – A tries to look after C as you would a snake…be ready to cringe and facepalm and giggle 2. Experiments of an angel who has read entirely too much fanfic – A finds fanfic. Tries some of what he’s read on C. Yikes. 3. How to be a demon: a brief history of the Arrangement – I can’t describe it any better than the authors’ description: “The Arrangement: the hard and challenging life of an angel who tries to make a demon do good deeds, and in turn has to perform temptations and wear devilishly sexy outfits.” 4. Adventures of a mystery shopper in the bookshop – this was by far my favourite. A puts C in charge of the bookshop…and then mystery shops. I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

Lit by @fellshish Rated T – C decides to take a Uni course on literature (for absolutely no reason whatsoever…definitely not because he wants to impress a certain angel with his literary knowledge, nope, nuh uh)…but it turns out to be slightly different to what he was expecting…and they’re discussing Good Omens. Shit.

If You Touch Me You’ll Understand What Happiness Is by locketofyourhair Rated E – It’s no secret I like a bit of angst. You need only read what I write to get smacked round the side of the head with it. This one’s got it in spades. C confesses their love for A – repeatedly – through time. To keep them safe, A erases the memory of the confession each time. But A never forgets. Ouch. It does have a happy ending, though. Phew.

Lace And Gold Braid by @elsajeni Rated M – After rescuing A from the Bastille, C went to bed for 70 years. He never actually said he was sleeping. This fic goes into lots of delicious detail about A’s slutty, slutty outfit. The imagery is really well written and it has a podfic!

WIPs which have updated this week (which I devour as soon as I get the update!)

There Is A Light And It Never Goes Out by @phoen1xr0se Rated M - A is a researcher (puffins!), C is a lighthouse keeper on the island where A has run away to to escape his problems and do his research. The author has recently spent a week studying puffins - which is the ultimate dedication, if you ask me. Ch 9/26 posted this week

Find The Light by @klikandtuna Rated E - Headmaster A and Rockstar C. The story teases out a fraught history between them whilst keeping a tension between them in the modern day. Ch 6/? posted this week.

Terminus by @emotional-support-demon-crowley Rated T - Astronaut A is guided back to Earth by controller C after 92 years in space. There are many difficulties both of them have to face and they develop an amazing rapport. Ch 16/17 posted this week.

Oddity by @tsyvia48 Rated E - Actor C is contracted by (useless) Gabriel to guest curate an exhibition at the museum where A works. After getting off on the wrong foot, can they work together to pull off this show? Ch 23/26 posted this week (note increased chapter count!)

Under The Summer Stars by @pannotbread Rated E - This wonderful fic has taught me more about physics than school ever did (mostly because I never did any physics, but...well). A & C have to share their time at an observatory because there is Only One Telescope. Not only will you learn about astrophysics, astrobiology, and astroecology, you'll also read some of the most poetically, beautifully written masturbation scenes I've ever seen. *ahem* Ch 7/13 posted this week.

Exodus2 by @tismrot Rated E – Human AU set in a dystopian future. The summary says it best, really: Ezra studies programming at the University of ha-Gan. He’s as determined as he is damaged, as fastidious as he is precise, and likes to believe he'll stop at nothing to achieve his goals. His beliefs are challenged when a new student appears late to the first Ethics module lecture - and his life is changed forever. It's the future, it's dystopian, it's cyber and it's punk. It's political, grimy and slick with tears, lube and chemical snot. TW: Sex, drugs, trauma. Ch 28/35 posted this week.

Free by well, me: imposterssyndrome Rated E - A & C meet (again?) in an acute mental health ward after both having had mental health crises. A runs a bookshop but is very much under his parents' control. C has been homeless since childhood and has struggled his entire life. They do not trust each other when they first meet, but feel strangely drawn to one another all the same. Where will this lead them? This is a passion piece for me. There is a lot of lived experience in it, and extensive research from both professionals and peers. It has been a real journey for me to write it, and as I'm coming closer to the end it's becoming very emotional for me. Ch 45/? posted this week

Want more recommendations? This is last week's list.

[pxndorasdream]

Experiment 101 — Part 1

AgedUp! Neteyam x Fem!Human! Reader

Words: 3K

Warnings: Mention of neglectful parents, kidnapping (I’m still learning on how to tag these, so please tell me if I’m missing something)

Summary: Y/N is kidnapped by the RDA and then brought to Pandora where they use her and three other people as lab rats, but can they escape the sky people? And what if some Na’vi brothers find her unconscious in the forest?

Notes: Heeey, sooo this is the first story I post here, I hope you like it <33 English is not my first language so have mercy on me. Also, Neteyam and Lo’ak doesn’t appear till the end, this is more of like an introduction to Y/N and what happened to her. I’ve already planned a few more parts, so let me know if you’re interested ;)

3rd Person POV

Proofread ig

Life on Earth was harsh. There was no bright colors, only the gray of the concrete surrounding everything. It was sad. The place that had been once paradise on Earth, was now pure concrete.

War was something people were used to, fighting over anything. Like I said, it was sad.

But sometimes life wasn’t that bad when you have a loving family around. Sure, the lack of nature and the constant war surrounding humans was depressing, but once you’re with someone you love -and loves you back- all the problems seem smaller.

But unfortunately, that was not Y/N’s case. She was alone. She had no one. Well, she still had her parents, but they meant nothing to her. They were both just strangers to the girl.

They didn’t even noticed when their daughter disappeared for several days, only returning home to grab a few things and made her way out once again.

They also didn’t noticed the bruises that formed all around her body, like I said, they weren’t parents of the year.

The truth is, she was kidnapped by a group of men. And not only her, there were a few other people in the same situation as her.

There were two boys, maybe around their late teens, and another girl that seemed a bit older than them.

“What the hell do you want from us!?” One of the guys asked, the blonde one, more specifically.

The masked men that kidnapped them didn’t say a word. They just remained quiet, causing fear on the four hostages.

“Can somebody tell us what the fuck is happening?” The oldest girl said this time.

But again, nobody answered.

A few minutes later, the men left the room, leaving the four victims alone. The other boy stood up and tried to open the door, but to no one’s surprise, it was locked.

“Hey” Y/N heard the blonde boy talking, but she didn’t pay much attention, being consumed in fear of what possibly will happen to them. “Hey” She heard again, turning her head to meet the boy’s gaze.

“Yeah?” She replied a bit uncomfortable.

“What’s your name?” He asked. The girl looked at him in disbelief. Is he seriously trying to make small talk while being kidnapped? “C’mon, I mean, we’re all locked up here against our will, so maybe we should at least know each other's names, right?”

She looked to the others, noticing they were paying attention to the blonde guy. She sighed. “I’m Y/N”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N, I’m Cameron” He said, then looking at the two people left.

“My name’s Madison” The oldest girl said, looking a little afraid.

“Well, I guess that only leaves me… I’m Thomas”

Soon enough the men were back, but with a new person joining them. It was a woman. “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, I’m General Ardmore, and I have an offer for the four of you” She said with no expression on her face.

“And for that you had to kidnap us?” The blonde boy, now known as Cameron, replied with a mocking tone. What on Earth is this guy doing?

“Shut it” The woman demanded. “You’ll be grateful that I took you out of your shitty lives” She paused for a second. “I assume you have heard about some planet called Pandora, am I right?” The four of them nodded. “Well, we need some… volunteers, if you want to put it that way. We have some experiments we’d like to try”

“By volunteers you mean us, I guess” Y/N dared to speak for the first time.

“You’re correct, miss Y/N” Ardmore responded with a sarcastic grin. “The four of you are alone. You have no one, so I guessed you won’t be missed if we take you to Pandora”

What a bitch, Y/N thought to herself, but the woman was correct, at least in her case, no one would notice she’s missing.

“And what will we have to do?” Thomas asked.

“Don’t worry about it, for now, we leave in 24 hours, in the meantime, you’ll be granted the opportunity to go back home and grab a few personal things for your survival up there, but don’t even think about escaping, because we will found you and you won’t like what’s next, am I making myself clear?” All of them nodded, but the woman wasn’t satisfied. “I will repeat myself one more time and I want you to answer me right… Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes ma’am”

“Fine, escort them to their homes and bring them back to me in less than 12 hours, okay?” She then asked the men guarding the place.

“Yes ma’am”

A few hours later, they were boarding an actual spaceship, every little kid dream, but it wasn’t in a way they enjoyed.

Everything surrounding them had the initials ‘RDA’, making the girl wonder what that meant. Y/N then walked towards some strange looking thing, it kinda look like a modern coffin.

“Alright, this is a cryosleep capsule, you’re going to get in one of these and sleep till we get to Pandora, okay?” A scientist explained to them what was going to happen next.

“So, how does this exactly work?” Madison asked with curiosity.

“These things basically freezes you and that maintains you alive and well for long periods of time, when you’re in cryo state you don’t dream, and don’t need food or water, it’s like you’re being put in pause” He explained. “It basically keeps people in perfect shape, they don’t age a second, it’s quite awesome”

“And why do we need to be in one of these?” Y/N asked.

“It’s because the trip to Pandora last about six Earth years, and we don’t want our people being six years older that when they left”

“Six years?!” Cameron asked in shock.

“Yeah, blondie, don’t you know how space works?” Y/N asked him and a small laugh slipped through her lips.

“We’ll, then, hop in.” The scientist told them, the four of them doing it. Y/N laid down in the cryo capsule, the only thing in mind was hoping her life in Pandora would be a little better than on Earth, but oh, how wrong was she.

It seemed to have been only a blink of an eye for her and the three others, but after six years of traveling —which felt like a second to the four young guys—, they were arriving at Pandora.

Well, not exactly. They arrived at the RDA base, which was exactly like Earth, the gray color predominating the place. But surrounding that boring looking facility, a huge forest was in sight. Seeing the color green for the first time in quite a while, Y/N thought maybe life in Pandora wasn’t going to be so bad.

She was wrong. Life in Pandora was hell, no, it was worse than hell. Or at least on the RDA base. She would rather be sent to hell to serve Satan himself than stay there for one more day.

Being an experiment to the RDA people was horrible. She was in a dark room with 5 cells, one for each person, and one free. They were glass cells, and someone was always watching them. If it weren’t the scientists trying to observe the effect of the serum they previously injected in them, it was some guard.

They were never alone. It was hell. They didn’t know what that serum was supposed to do, but they came to the conclusion it wasn’t working, every three days some new serum was injected into their body, and each one had different side effects. It was torture. They were in pain for the next few days when the serum entered their body. They were just torturing them, there was no effective serum, so they kept going on. It was killing them.

But one day, after 2 years in Pandora, the serum seemed to have worked. The scientists seemed happy, and so did General Ardmore. They wanted to try and confirm the serum was finally correct, so the RDA organized a trip to the forests of Pandora.

A few days later, the soldiers were getting ready to enter the deadly forest, some scientists came as well, just to assure the well-being of the four people, well, not their well-being but to control the effects of the serum on them.

The four of them were given a mask, which someone later explained was for them to be able to breathe outside.

“I feel like fucking royalty walking with all these guys protecting us” Cameron said to Y/N while walking toward the forest.

She raised her eyebrow at him. “Are you for real?” She asked. “They are not protecting us, they are just making sure their little lab rats are ok with the serum”

He shrugged. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood, jeez”

Y/N rolled her eyes but a small smile escaped her lips. “Sure, whatever”

Their hands were handcuffed in front of their body, just to make sure no one tried to escape, so they had limited mobility. “Ok, we’re here. Let’s get it done.” Y/N heard a soldier talk. Then they all stopped walking, all of them with their eyes pointed at the four people. “Take out your masks” He said again.

“What? No!” Thomas replied angrily. What the hell, aren’t these supposed to be to not die while outside?

“There’s no way we’re taking these off, we’ll die!” This time it was Y/N talking. “You said Pandora air is toxic to humans, and that just breathing it for a second will make us faint, and in four more seconds, die?!”

One of the scientists sighed. “Get to your main mission, we will take care of them” She told the soldiers accompanying them, "We'll see you back here in 20 minutes, okay?”

The soldier rolled his eyes. “Yes ma’am” He said and later they went further into the forest, only leaving the four guys with some scientists and a couple of soldiers.

“Do you know what the serum is supposed to do?” The scientist asked. The four of them shook their heads. “This serum is supposed to make humans breath Pandora air without any fatal consequences, and you just happen to be our test subjects” She grinned. “So please, do as I said so and take. of. the. masks” She said losing her patience.

None of them obeyed. They weren’t idiots, what if the serum doesn’t work? “Take their masks off.” The woman now said to the soldiers. They obeyed and they walked towards Y/N and the others.

“Please, don’t” Madison said with fear in her voice.

“Shut it” The woman replied.

The men took Thomas and Cameron masks first, and it seemed like they were holding their breaths. Next, they took Madison and Y/N’s. The two girls doing the same as the boys.

“Breathe” She commanded. Neither of them did it. “Breath. Now!” But still, no one obeyed. But humans can only hold their breath for a while. After one minute, Madison took a breath, followed by Thomas, then Y/N and finally Cameron.

We’re going to die, Y/N thought, but after 30 seconds, they were still alive and felt okay, whatsoever.

The scientists started to cheer, still with their gazes on the four people in front of them. The serum had worked. Finally.

But the sound of gunshots followed by some screams wiped the smile off their faces.

“What is happening?” the woman asked the soldiers, but they only shrugged, pointing their own guns to the source of the sound.

“Withdrawal, withdrawal” They heard someone shout, shortly after, the soldiers from before were running towards them. “We have to go, now!”

“The natives found us! Withdrawal!” Another soldier shout just before being pierced by an arrow.

The sound of gunshots and screaming stunned Y/N, who was only looking at what was happening. She didn’t know what to do. A hand grabbing her forearm caught her attention. It was one of the scientists, but she didn’t want to go with them.

What was worse? Going back to the RDA base and being a fucking lab rat for another two years, or getting lost on Pandora’s forest and maybe being killed by an animal or some natives? She definitely didn’t want to be trapped on the base for one more second, so she freed herself from the scientist's grasp.

The other three saw this and tried to do the same, but only two of them were successful, Madison couldn’t lost the scientist that held her, and she was taken once again.

A few seconds later, no RDA people were left there, only Y/N, Cameron and Thomas. The gunshots and screaming stopped, the silence was restored and the only sound that could be heard was the wind going through the leaves of the tall trees.

“So… I guess we’re free” Cameron started the conversation.

“I think so” Thomas replied.

Y/N watched the two men. “I wouldn’t call this ‘being free’, we’re just lost in the forest. What are we supposed to do now?”

A new sound was heard by the girl. It was something moving on the trees. “We are so dead” Cameron said, he also heard the sound. “It was nice to meet you, guys, although I would’ve liked more to have met you in other circumstances”

“Yeah, maybe meeting you while being kidnapped and used as lab rats wasn’t the best, but it is what it is, now we’re going to die in some weird animal hands, so I guess we lived a shitty life and we’re going to die in a shitty way” Thomas replied.

Y/N looked at them annoyed. “Guys, stop making things even sadder!” She wanted to say something more but her chest started to hurt.

“Y/N! What is happening?” Cameron asked worriedly, but soon his own chest started to hurt too. Thomas was in the same situation as them. The three of them grabbed their own chest with their hands still handcuffed, trying to breathe, but it only hurt more. They began to lose consciousness and soon enough, they were lying unconscious on the ground.

It seemed the serum didn’t work once again.

From the top of the trees, two young Na’vi watched the humans lying unconscious on the forest floor. “Bro, we have to go there” Lo’ak said with his gaze still on the humans.

“Are you mad? What if they wake up and try to kill us?” Neteyam asked, looking at his little brother like he was crazy.

“C’mon bro, haven’t you noticed? They don’t have an oxygen mask, they are unconscious! They won’t wake up, and if they do, we knocked them out again”

“Fine, let’s go!” The oldest said, making his brother smile. “But…” Lo’ak’s smile faded. “We call dad right after” Neteyam said.

Lo’ak rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine, whatever, lets just go”

The young Na’vi came closer to the three human bodies lying unconscious. They were quite curious. They saw them surviving more than half a minute breathing Pandora's air, there was something weird about them.

“Did you hear when they said they were kidnapped?” Lo’ak asked his older brother, who nodded.

“Yeah, and that they were lab rats or something like that” Neteyam replied while looking closely at them.

“We definitely should call dad” The youngest said. “Even if he gets mad for not returning with the others right away the soldiers left”

“I’m on it” Neteyam touched his communicator. “Dad, we have some humans here, they are unconscious”

“What do they look like?” The oldest asked through the communicator. “And why are you still there?”

Lo’ak rolled his eyes. “I told you'' He whispered to his older brother.

“There are three of them, two guys and a girl, they look young, maybe like 19 or 20, and they’re handcuffed”

“What? Handcuffed?”

“Yes, and we heard them talking right before they were knocked out, they said some things I think you’ll find interesting” Lo’ak intervened.

“Fine, what’s your location?” Jake asked his sons.

“A few miles away from the base” Neteyam replied.

“Fine, I’m coming, do not move and make sure they don’t wake up” Their father ordered.

“Copy sir” The two youngest Sully boys replied. “What do you think lab rats meant?” The youngest asked. “I mean, I know what lab rats mean, but what do you think the RDA was testing with them?”

“I guess we’ll find out sooner or later”

Jake Sully arrived with a few other warriors at the spot his sons were waiting for him. “We’ll talk later” He said, both boys knowing they were in trouble for not going back home after they attacked the sky people. “They look young”

“I told you” Lo’ak said, gaining a bad look from his father and a hit in the head by his brother.

“We’ll take them to our base, have Norm and Max check on them, and when they wake up, we’ll question them” Jake said to his warriors, who nodded. “They aren’t wearing oxygen masks, are they even alive?” He seemed to finally notice the obvious.

“They are pretty much alive, sir. We’ve heard them saying they were kidnapped by the RDA and that they were just lab rats to them, I guess that has something to do with them not wearing a mask” Neteyam replied with a serious face, gaining a mocking look from his brother.

“Fine, take them to the base” Three warriors lift the sky people and started to get back. “And you two are coming with me” Jake said to his sons.

He was angry at them for not following direct orders, but he was more intrigued by the unconscious humans he just saw, and he wasn’t the only one. Neteyam and Lo’ak couldn’t leave their minds either.

Let me know if you want Part 2! ;)

[thewritersalchemist]

Brandon Sanderson did make smart career choices, but they might not be what you think.

(originally posted on a different writing blog in March 2022)

This is NOT another post breaking down “what you can learn!” from Sanderson’s massive Kickstarter earlier this month. Well, it kind of is, but it’s the opposite of some of the others.

Buckle up, it’s unpopular opinion time.

On March 1, 2022, fantasy author Brandon Sanderson announced a Kickstarter: pledge to help him publish four standalone novels he’d secretly written during the pandemic. He and his team set a goal of one million dollars, and he estimated they would get two to four million total.

In three days, the Kickstarter had reached twenty million dollars, and it currently (as of March 27, 2022) sits at thirty-three million dollars.

The publishing world was—and still is—staggered.

In the last three weeks, I’ve seen a dozen indie authors and marketers try to break down that massive success and what lessons others can take from it for their own careers. Most of them write to various Amazon markets. Some of them made good points. One thing everyone keeps repeating is that Sanderson has made “smart career choices.” But every time, I’ve walked away from those articles shaking my head. Most of the articles seem to be missing the biggest and most important point. It's hard to talk about taking lessons from Sanderson’s marketing before you talk about lessons from his WRITING career.

A few facts:

The four novels Sanderson will be publishing with the Kickstarter money are already written. He wrote them for his wife (and because he wanted to explore new stories) during the pandemic.

He will be publishing them through his own company: Dragonsteel Books. He created the company to publish special editions of his books, carry his book swag*, and have an alternative option for people to buy his books if Amazon ever stops selling his books again.**

Sanderson has a reputation for being reliable with his book publishing. If he says he’s going to publish something, he does it, and he tries to keep fans updated as he goes.

*Book swag / book merch = special items created for fans of books. **Years ago, Amazon briefly stopped selling his books because of contract disputes. You can read more about it here.

And some facts about Sanderson himself, if you’re not familiar with his work:

His first book to be published—Elantris—came out in 2005. It was the sixth novel he wrote, and it was published by Tor. It took eighteen months for someone to read the book and then call him about it.

Before Elantris was published, he’d written thirteen novels.

He now has so many novels out that Wikipedia has a separate article for his bibliography.

He was handpicked by Robert Jordan’s wife to finish the Wheel of Time book series, and he was on the writing team for the Wheel of Time TV series.

So what were Sanderson’s “smart career choices” as a writer?

He didn’t write to market. This is going to be the most unpopular opinion of all, but hear me out, please. Sanderson tried it. Back before Elantris was published, after a lot of people told him his books weren’t being accepted because they were too long and didn’t have the popular format and tropes of the time, he tried writing to market. He’s said those were the worst novels of his writing career. So he stopped. He went back to writing what he loved. That love and passion kept him writing books that have resonated with fans for almost twenty years now. If we’re going to talk about why his fanbase loves his BOOKS so much, let's start with how much HE loves what he wrote and how much that love spills over in how he talks about his books.

He constantly pushes himself to improve. He knew from the beginning that he needed critique, and he got it. Since college, he’s been in critique groups and had alpha readers, and they keep pushing him to be better too. He himself says that some of his earlier books (yes, the published ones!) aren’t his best. He’s honest that he keeps wanting to do better and looking to improve.

When he made plans about publishing, he didn’t just think about it like a writer. He thought about it like an author. He figured out his writing pace and he tried to be consistent with that. You can talk for hours about how he finishes books and how that “makes him better than Patrick Rothfuss and George R. R. Martin,”*** but I don’t see many people talk about how Sanderson learned from them and others and FIGURED OUT what he had to do AHEAD OF TIME so he wasn’t doing that to his fans, intentionally or accidentally.

He also approached his published author career like a reader. He treated his fans like he would have wanted to be treated as a reader. He used social media to connect with them and to keep them posted. He was and still is actively involved in his fandom.

He’s given back to the community. He’s taught at university for years; he’s talked at conferences; he’s free with his advice on his writing podcast; he’s given fans advice for years at cons and book signings and through his website, and he always has a smile for his fans.

***I’m not going to discuss Rothfuss’s or Martin’s choices; I don’t know what’s going on in their lives, and I think there’s a difference between authors having a responsibility to finish a series and authors ‘owing’ fans the way their particular fans claim. This is only about Sanderson and his decisions.

THESE were his smart career choices. THESE are the reasons his books are so popular and why his Kickstarter got to twenty million in three days. Sure, finishing Wheel of Time helped get his name out there to some readers, but the majority of Sanderson’s fans don’t talk about Wheel of Time like they talk about his own books. Wheel of Time fans (some of them) talk about being grateful he finished the series, yes. But Sanderson fans talk more about Elantris, Mistborn, and the Stormlight Archive.

If we’re going to break down Sanderson’s success, we have to go back further than his marketing. We have to look at his foundation and be honest about why and how he is where he is.

If you write to market, three things sell your books:

your ads

your other marketing (but mostly your ads)

and how well you followed the recipe for that market

Whether your plot and characters are objectively well written doesn’t matter as much. (I'm not saying it doesn't matter at all.) Why? Because the recipe is what the ads sell. So if you’re good at following the recipe, readers will keep coming back after their first few from you. Not so much if you like to change recipes a lot or can’t follow one well. You might get other readers, but you won't get that particular market's readers.

I’m not dissing writing to market. If you DO mostly write to market, you won’t be able to take many lessons from Sanderson’s Kickstarter success (or his career in general) because Sanderson’s marketing isn’t what keeps his fiction selling. His writing is. His fan interaction is another huge part.

A note on consistency.

Sanderson is a prolific writer. He can sustain a publishing pace that many people can’t. I can’t, for sure. I would LOVE to be that prolific, but I’m not there, at least not right now. Being consistent doesn’t mean you have to publish every year or write every single day. It means finding what pace works for you and then being consistent with that. If that means publishing once a year, good for you. If it means once every three years, go for it.

Building a fanbase takes time. Sanderson has been publishing for almost twenty years, if you count how long the process took for Elantris. He’s been writing for twenty-five years. No one likes to hear that something they want right now takes time, but it’s the truth. Building a consistent fanbase takes time, and it does tend to take more time for indie authors than traditionally published ones.

I've worked with a lot of competitive write-to-market indie authors. I know exactly how unpopular this opinion is. But for all the authors wanting to really understand the writing craft and find the path that helps them build their own consistent career of putting out good stories, this post is for you. If you're asking “Why is Sanderson so popular that his Kickstarter reached twenty million in three days?” and wanting to know what you can learn from it . . .

This is why. And this is what you can learn.

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

when one leaves, another arrives

pairing: neteyam x female omatikaya!reader, lo’ak x female omatikaya!reader

WC: 11.8K (she’s a big one)

warnings: cursing, mentions of blood, r being emotionally messed up, lo’ak and r share a moment. should be it!

summary: when you lose someone close to you, you close yourself off from everyone else. except for one person.

A/N: i wrote this when i haven’t even seen the movie, only edits and clips on tt, so forgive me (i have now seen the movie by the time i’ve posted the fic). ITS FANFICTION LET ME WRITE WHAT I PLEASE!!! also neteyam and lo’ak are probably a bit ooc, but you know we only saw hints of their character in this movie, IM TAKING CREATIVE LIBERTY. also pretty much movie ages for our characters, r is same age as neteyam.

thank you to my lovely friend @alecmores​ for being my proof reader as always and leaving funny comments for me to giggle about. also if any na’vi is misspelled blame pandora wikifandom and the online na’vi dictionary.

reblogs are appropriated💗

been sitting in the drafts since feb25

masterlist

Numb

That’s all you felt, your whole body numb to the touch. Felt like you were floating, skin no longer touching the ground, only the stiff breeze that would ghost through you. You weren’t even sure if you were breathing at this moment.

Eclipse 

It taunted you as your eyes stared at the heavens above. Cold, wet tears streamed down your dull blue cheeks, while another dull blue face stared lifelessly at the darkened sky. Lifeless eyes that used to hold so much love and admiration within his glowing golden eyes.

Shaking

Your body was shaking, hands unable to stop the tremors that reached your fingertips. Lips quivering as you tried to hold back the scream that wanted to rip from your throat, the whimpers of pain that built up in your chest, and were just waiting for the scale to completely tip before you crumble.

The waves were crashing loudly against your boulder, it almost felt like they were shaking your rocky asylum. There were only four bodies stationed on the jagged stone along with a burning fire in the near distance. Everything felt like a realistic nightmare, something your mind conjured to tear you away from the sugary sweet dreams that you would slip into. But this wasn’t a nightmare or dream, this was reality. Something you constantly had to remind yourself before your brain could trick you into ignorance.

There was a ringing in your downturned ears that soon started to pick up choked sobs that flicked your ears at attention. You looked away from the darkened sky and down at your three companions.

Neteyam. Once alive and full of energy, gentle touches, and commanding tones were all left behind and just a corpse with his head laying on your lap was left behind. One hand cradled his cheek, wishing to feel movement or heat while the other brushed his braids, something you always did when he rested his head on your lap. You wished to see his easy smile one more time, just for a moment, you needed the image fresh in your brain.

Tsireya was the one quietly crying, her hands holding onto Neteyam’s legs. You wanted to comfort the girl, this is probably the first time she’s had to feel the pain of losing a close relationship, the Metkayina clan not forced to see the horror of war every day for the past few years. She was a sweet girl, a caring soul, she didn’t deserve to witness this pain.

Lo’ak was the last one of your group. He was staring toward the burning and drowning ship, you weren’t sure why, but taking note that Jake and Neytiri were missing, along with Spider, Kiri, and Tuk not around; the only answer you could think of was the ship. He dropped to his knees, eyes staring down at his dark red palms, palms covered in Neteyam’s blood as he tried to save him. He took another look at the ship before facing you and Tsireya.

“I- I have to- I have to help them.” Lo’ak took stuttering breaths.

You saw Tsireya shake her head, barely heard the pleas for Lo’ak to stay on the rock with the thre- with the two of you. But you knew Lo’ak, you knew that even if his dad told him to stay, he would follow him to the ends of Pandora, just like Neteyam did with him.

He knelt in front of the shaking girl, a hand coming up to hold her cheek for a second before he walked to you. Both hands rested at the side of your head, his fingers seeping into your braids with his extra finger touching your jaw.

“I’ll be back. I promise.” Neteyam used to tell you that all the time when he was allowed a position in the raids.

Lo’ak pulled your head forward and his lips met your forehead, and they were held there for almost a minute before he pulled away and jumped off the rock and into the crashing waves. Leaving behind two shaking and emotionally wrecked girls that held onto a corpse of a friend and loved one.

“He’ll be back,” you choked out to Tsireya, “they’ll all be back.” Reassuring the both of you, needing just that tiny bit of hope to stay above the dangerous waves. Your hand continued its comforting motion of pushing Neteyam’s braids from his face.

-

Pandora forest

Your feet jumped from branch to branch, the ground below leaving behind a trail of bioluminescent spots before they disappeared. Light chuckles floated from your parted lips and into the open air, the breeze able to carry the sound further out. The nightlife of the forest filled your ears, something you’ll never get used to, in a good way.

You slowed down after having ran and leaped for a while, needing a minute to take in your surroundings. Your chest moved up and down pretty fast with your mouth panting for air, and fists landing on your hips to rest. Your ears flicked at each little noise, but you were trying to find the specific sound you wanted to hear, nose twitching in the air for the right scent combo.

A twig snapped and you knew already you found him. You crouched down, body low to the bark as you followed the direction the noise came from, not wanting to spook your target. You jumped to a branch below yours and surveyed the surrounding flora. You grabbed your bow and nocked an arrow in the string and waited with bated breath for any new signs. Another twig snapped, the opposite direction you just came from, you were on high alert now.

You counted in your head, to keep your heart steady and to count when the next noise might occur. It wasn’t until twenty did another sound appear, this one much closer now. You thought you were ahead in the game but looked like you just lost so you put away your arrow and sat on the soft moss, waiting for the boy.

Lost in your thoughts, staring ahead into the open air, the feeling of two hands landing on your shoulders almost made you jump and that would end up resulting in your possible death due to gravity.

“I win.” A high-pitched voice spoke into your ear.

“Neteyam!” You twisted to look at his boyish grin, “don’t sneak up on me! I’ve told you multiple times!”

He just laughed at your raised voice and moved to sit beside you, thighs touching and fingers just an inch away from touching. You wanted to make a move but were too scared so you stayed content with your slim fingers ghosting near the other.

It was well past the eclipse and both you and Neteyam knew you shouldn’t be running around in the forest at night, but it was always so peaceful and sometimes the only time either of you could be alone together without parents or siblings hovering or clan duties getting in the way.

The two of you could just get lost in nature and each other and it was the most magical thing you got to experience.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” You voiced to the silence.

It took a minute before he responded, “nervous, but yes. I’m excited.” His pinky tapped yours.

Tomorrow a couple of young hunters would complete their iknimaya and finally earn their ikrans and then later that night they would go through uniltaron, the dream hunt. You originally were going to join Neteyam in the rites of passage, but you felt you weren’t prepared enough, so you decided to wait a bit longer. At first, you were embarrassed to tell Neteyam that you were going to take longer, but he reassured you that it was completely fine and that he was proud of you with either decision you made. It made your heart grow with love.

“Should probably head back. Long day ahead of you.” You stood from your seated position and threw your bow over your shoulders, waiting for Neteyam to follow your actions.

You looked down when you noticed he was still seated and to your shock he was already looking up at you, an easy smile adoring his stunning features. He did look like his mother, a stunning woman with a strong will and a loyal heart.

“What?” You whispered the question.

He gave a light shake of his head, his smile never fading, “nothing. Just… just appreciating.” And he grabbed his bow and stood up, eyes level with each other. Both standing at around six feet and a few inches, neither hitting your growth spurt yet. You don’t know how you’ll feel when Neteyam is taller than you one day, even if it's just by an inch or two.

The two of you stood face to face, no one talking, only watching. Eyes danced over the other's features, memorizing every stripe and every glowing dot gracing their blue skin. If you could freeze time, you would do it at this moment, not wanting to leave the quiet night. You so badly wanted to reach up and caress Neteyam’s cheek but held yourself.

Instead, you cleared your throat and broke eye contact, “race you home?” And the smile he flashed gave you your answer and you took off without a warning.

Giggles and shrieks of joy followed you two home all the way, music to your ears.

-

You were still numb, your ears were still ringing, and your stomach grumbled but you wouldn’t touch a single fruit. It still didn’t feel real, none of this felt real. The battle was over, the injured were being tended to, and families were reuniting with tears and hugs. But your family, your family was grieving and preparing for a funeral that none of you thought would come for many moons in the future.

You just sit in a corner with your knees pulled up to your chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, your head resting atop the joints, staring into the void. You haven’t moved from the tiny spot since you all came back to your pod, Jake and Neytiri leaving with Neteyam’s body to bring to Ronal and have him prepared for his final living goodbye. Kiri and Tuk were huddled together in another area of the pod, Tuk sitting in her lap with Kiri stroking her hair and whispering soft words. Lo’ak sat outside with his feet in the water. He probably wished Tsireya was with him but she was pulled away by her family to help with preparations. You wanted to be there for him, someone needed to be there for him, he thought Neteyam’s death was his doing when it wasn’t; it was the sky people’s war that did it.

You finally found that bit of strength to move, Lo’ak needed someone at this moment and you knew Neteyam would want his brother to know that he loved him. With cracked joints you finally moved from your spot, arms wrapped around your waist for a phantom comfort and you walked slowly towards Lo’aks’ hunched figure. Your feet stop just a few steps away from him, just watching how his back muscles moved with his breathing, how his head would move slightly when he would focus on something else.

You didn’t say anything as you sat next to him. He didn’t say anything as his eyes took notice of your appearance. No one said anything, just two sets of golden eyes staring out at the dimming sky that was slowly dipping into the endless ocean.

You took the first step, one arm reaching out to gently touch the bicep close to you and then you slowly glided the hand down his arm until your palm fell atop his knuckles. Your four fingers settled in the open space between his five digits, a light squeeze was all you gave, but still no words.

“I’m sor-“ “It’s not your fault. None of it.” You immediately stopped him.

Silence once again.

Hands still touching.

Waves playfully pushing and pulling.

You leaned your head against his shoulder, Lo’aks falling atop yours after a second. Then you moved your hand off his and threw it around his waist with your other following, wanting to give him warm physical comfort. Knowing a hug was something he needed at this moment, to feel grounded, to feel loved, to feel seen.

An abrupt cough makes your head turn over your shoulders. Jake and Neytiri stood in the opening, both their faces littered with cuts and stitches, eyes darker and dull. You pulled away from Lo’ak and stood from your spot, walking over to the two taller na’vi.

“We must prepare.” Was all Neytiri said before holding her hand out.

- 

High camp

The air was thick with tension, everyone on high alert for the day, no, not just the day. Everyone has been on alert for the past two years.

The sky people have brought war back to Pandora, back to the Omitikaya people and your home. The demons bring fire to burn the trees and flora, to bring extinction to the animals that roam freely. Their metal weapons are much stronger than your bows, and many people die or are injured each day during a raid or battle.

Jake Sully is very high-strung, he’s quick to snap at someone out of line, and even more angered when the people he’s yelling at are his children. Neteyam and Lo’ak stand with their tails between their legs and heads tilted down, Neteyam receiving the harsher words that struck his heart.

You would watch from afar, hands rubbing your banshee in comforting motions as your heart broke at the pain written across their faces. You just waited, waited until Neteyam was dismissed by his father and he would head immediately to find you and distract you with his pretty smile.

“How is palï?” His own hands stroked down the side of her neck, soft purrs heard from her throat. You chuckled, “happy now that you are here.” Just like you were happier he was now with you.

Your smile dropped just a bit when you remembered a few minutes ago, “is everything…is everything okay?” His hand slowed then stopped before dropping to his side, eyes facing away from you.

“Just Lo’ak doing dumb shit again and me getting my head ripped off for not keeping a close eye on him.” “Hmm.”

Men and Women were moving to and fro in the caved holding. Some were slow with their heads bent down as they conversed with the person beside them, or warriors carried their bows with their heads held high as they rushed past everyone. People were going in and out of Mo’at’s tent, many exiting with wrappings covering wounds they gained during the war effort. You could hear the faint sounds of ikrans screeching in the distance mixed with the gleeful giggles of na’vi children.

“Would you like to go somewhere quiet?” You abruptly asked.

Neteyam’s ears twitched at your question, eyes widening just a bit but then softening with a tiny curve of his lips. A meek nod was all you needed before you wrapped a hand around his wrist and pulled him behind you and further into the cool mountain. It was a small area further back, the shadows helping in keeping the carved-out piece a secret to one who isn’t curious, but you were one curious cat.

Since your parent's passing, you would travel through high camp in silence, a ghost among the living just trying to survive by yourself. You lived with the Sully’s since they were like a second family to you, but being around them, seeing the love they have for each other and how much they care about everyone’s well-being, it just twisted your heart. So at night when everyone was asleep and the camp was quiet, you would sneak out and roam around, just needing to be alone and wallow in pain and you needed to find a place within the camp where you could step into the shadows and disappear just for a few hours. And you found it.

With Neteyam still being pulled behind by you when you abruptly stopped, his chest ran into your back making the both of you stumble for a moment. Light giggles escaped without thought before you reluctantly let your grip slide from his skin, but you didn’t get far before Neteyam reached out on his own and intertwined your hands together.

You felt warm all over at the simple action.

“Ma ‘teyam, I’ve- I’ve been missing you. As of late.” You dipped your head down, flustered at the sudden words leaving your mouth. It wasn’t a declaration of love, though it was in your ears.

“I’ve been missing you too, ma tanhì (my star)” Almost a whisper to the winds was his reply, but a whisper that blew near your ear making it twitch at the caressing touch.

Involuntarily your eyelids fluttered closed and a breathy sigh left your chest. The silence only grew in tension when a finger was hooked under your chin and pushed your face up, eyes focusing in on the speckles of glowing dots dancing along Neteyam’s face and body. Your own personal sky of stars to gaze upon.

“(Y/n), there’s something I’ve been wanting to confess to you for some time now. But it seems you gave me the perfect opportunity, and I will try to say the words before they evade my mind.” His thumb swiped over your chin, along with a swift feeling of him touching your bottom lip before it was gone too soon.  All you could do was tilt your head with your eyes firmly set on Neteyam’s, waiting intently to hear what’s been on his mind for this long.

He licked his lips, eyes moving side to side, “as you know it’s been a while since I’ve become one of the People.” Another simple nodding of your head, “I as well.”

“Yes. And we both have fashioned our bows out the branches of the home tree, both of us mighty warriors and aiding our clan in a time of crisis-” “Neteyam I’m well aware of these events. I’m living through them, along with them added to my songcord.” A mindless giggle showed your delight in this scene.

Neteyam gave a huff, “yes, yes. Now if you’ll allow me to speak before I lose my small ounce of bravery-” “Yes, sorry. Continue… sorry.”

A hand still twinged with yours and his thumb ran over the back of your hand, “Since we’ve become one of the People, and crafted our bows, the only thing left is to… is to find a mate.” You sucked in a breath.

He wanted to find a mate.

You understood, courting could take months and usually you’re not officially mated before Eywa until you are a full-fledged adult, so there was still plenty of time for the both of you. But hearing that he’s thinking of someone who he wants to court,  hurts like a knife being twisted between your ribs.

“Have… have you,” you had to swallow past the thump in your throat, “have you already chosen. The one you wish to begin courting?” You needed to step away from Neteyam’s intoxicating self.

You tried stepping away discreetly, but before you were even two steps away Neteyam pulled you right back in, even closer than before. Toe to toe, chest to chest, your whole body so close to touching but only an inch of air separated your bodies from molding together. The hold he had on your hand didn’t loosen, only held tighter, like he was scared you could run away at any moment. During this discussion, you wished to vanish into the forest and not come back until sunrise.

“I have. I’ve had my eye on her for years, long before my rites of passage. She’s very special to me, someone who’s been by my side through many of my hardships, lifting me back up to the light from the darkness I was walking towards.” His eyes stayed on your linked hand, “she is beloved by my family, each one of them having a special relationship with her already, so I don’t have to worry about them turning her away,” he breathed a laugh. “She is a fine warrior, her skills growing each day, and might even surpass my sa’nok (mother) one day.”

Neteyam took the final step. Hands squished between your bodies, your chest touching, and every breath you took caused your top to brush against Neteyam’s chest and move it out of place just a hair. Your breaths mingled with your lips in front of each other, it took every last bit of strength within you to keep your eyes trained on his face rather than his tempting lips.

“Neteyam-” “I hope you are understanding what I’m trying to say.”

Your will broke and your eyes dropped before meeting his eyes again, “I think it best if you say it aloud. I’m a bit thick in the head.” A comment Neteyam has made to you before.

He wetted his lips, “(Y/n), ma tanhì (my star), would you allow me the honor of courting you, to eventually in the near future, become my mate for life?” He almost vibrated with energy, nervousness or anticipation, or even both was your conclusion.

“Neteyam, ma atan (my light), I would cherish nothing more and it would be a pleasure to become your mate.”

-

The air felt still, thick that you almost suffocated from a simple intake of air. The water felt still, even though you rode on the back of your ilu, ripples following the creature. It felt like everyone was holding their breath, worried that even the most simple release of air would cause something further to shift in the world. But nothing worse could happen, not in your mind, your worst nightmare came true and you still can’t process it.

Jake and Neytiri were at the front of your group with Tuk seated behind her mother, Lo’ak and Kiri with Spider behind followed up the rear and you were at the very back. Everyone was painted with white stripes down their face, Neytiri fashioned with a woven headpiece and the necklace Neteyam wore when he died. A hand went to your neck, another intricate woven piece of jewelry that Neteyam would wear, it also happened to be the one he wore the night he asked to court you.

The tears dripped down your face, you didn’t make an effort to wipe them away, they would just keep coming.

Many of the Metkayina stood in the shallow waters of the Cove of Ancestors, further away from your family. You saw the familiar faces near the front, the Olo’eyktan and the Tsahík, both of them stood tall and held themselves high. You saw the tear-stained faces of Tsireya and Ao’nung along with Roxo just off to the side of the leaders.

The ilu tugging Neteyam’s leaf finally stopped at its designated spot, silently telling all of you that this was the end. Jake, Neytiri, Tuk, and Lo’ak slid off their creatures and into the water, treading themselves on each side of his body, his mother and sister on the left with his father and brother to the right. You so badly wanted to join them, wanted to touch the boy you loved so badly one final time before his body was taken away from the physical plane. But you stayed back, you weren’t his mate, you were just the girl he was courting, his girlfriend- something that Jake said was between the stages of friend and mate; you were just a friend that left their home behind for a boy that stole your heart and made you a part of a loving and protective family.

So it was just you, Kiri- who you thought should have joined the others but didn’t push her into it, and Spider who watched his blood-related family give their final caresses to his skin. The kisses to his forehead by Neytiri, the fingers reaching out to his for the hand that rested atop his shoulder then a feather-light touch to his cheek by Tuk, the hand that patted down Neteyam’s tied back braids by Lo’ak- something Neteyam used to always do on the younger boy, and Jake. Jake, who still seemed in shock, that he didn’t make for a comforting gesture.

Once Neteyam was free of the giant palm leaf, Tuk and Lo’ak moved further back to where the three of you stayed. Jake and Neytiri shared a look before taking their breath and diving under the water with Neteyam between them.

You slid off the ilu saddle and floated on the right side of Lo’ak, Tuk as always was beside Kiri if it wasn’t her mother. With the water stinging your eyes just a bit, you watched as Jake and Neytiri swam down, down, down until they were just above the glowing anemone and they released their hold on their boy. They kept themselves afloat while his body succumbed to gravity or the pull toward the Great Mother, and once they touched his deep blue skin, he was covered in golden glowing light before his body was completely gone.

If you weren’t submerged under water you knew the tears would be running at the speed of a waterfall, your nose clogging with snot, and your throat choking up causing hiccups and stuttering to your breath. With a glance to your left, the sight before you broke you even further. Lo’ak, with his left hand, held out for his brother to take, was choking out sobs that were silenced by the water, only the air bubbles leaving his open mouth told you of his cries to the Great Mother. 

Swiftly you reached out and linked your hands together, he needed someone to ground him from slipping away and you just needed to feel living flesh.

-

You couldn’t sleep, sleep had been avoiding you for weeks since your arrival to Awa'atlu, always tossing and turning on your mat. Eventually, you started to leave the mauri when the darkness would slip away through your fingers, finding yourself either sitting on the roped walkway with your feet swaying in the water or you would venture towards the sandy beaches and stare out into the open water.

You weren’t sure when he noticed your absence, but one night when you walked to the beach, you heard footsteps that were muffled by the grains on the floor and the push and pull of the water. Your heart rate picked up, you didn’t have any weapons on your person, and you chose to leave your knife with the others. But your panic died down when you saw the noise coming from someone who wouldn’t lay a harmful finger on you, but for sure would punch someone just looking at you wrong.

“Ma ‘teyam.” You all but sighed as he got closer.

He instantly pulled you into his arms, one arm around your waist and the other pushing your head into the crook of his neck. Your limbs wrapping tightly along his waist, your hearts beating as one, chest to chest. Fingers started to run through the free strands of your black hair, tiny circles by the pads of his digits.

“What is wrong ma tanhì?” He murmured by your pinned back ear.

You huffed a sigh, unintentionally tickling his skin, “sleep escapes me. No dreams enter my mind, only darkness and even that leaves me to my thoughts.”

He hummed, hands continuing their rhythmic motions, giving your bodies a light sway with the wind. Then he just stopped, hands landing on your biceps giving a light push away. His eyes held so much love within his tender gaze, “why don’t we go for a swim? We could star gaze, we haven't done it for a while.” And an instant smile split your face.

The two of you floated on your backs in the middle of the water, the water safe within the mauri pods. The quiet night was the only thing surrounding the both of you, the water was still with only a few ripples here and there causing a push to your bodies. Your backs floated atop the darkened water, hands clasped together to keep from drifting apart, braids and loose strands snaking around your heads as two sets of golden yellow eyes focused on the glowing stars above.

-

One Year Later

The memory vanished into the air from your mind, and the last thing you felt was your heart growing warm at the sight of Neteyam’s breathtaking smile before he pulled the both of you into the cool water.

Your legs were hugged to your chest with your thin arms wrapped around them tight, your chin digging into your kneecaps while your eyes stared out into the open water. You thought about going in, either to look at the stars as if he was floating beside you or to drown yourself and join him with the Great Mother. You knew the latter would win more in this situation, so you kept yourself grounded and forced your mind to go blank, the lull in the water helps.

You shifted a hand through the sand beside you, the texture feeling nice on your skin. Eventually, you got bored, but you didn’t want to head back, so you just laid down and let the scratchy grains cling to your skin and burrow into your hair. You turned on your side, back facing the homes with you facing the swaying trees, but you let your imagination run.

You pretended that you were lying beside Neteyam, both facing each other with only an inch of separate space. A hand from both of you resting in the middle, fingers doing a mindless dance of touching and curling, bringing smiles to your faces. You would move closer, your hand that lay on the ground would make contact with his stomach, and his muscles would flex automatically with the graze. Neteyam would move his head closer, a quick bump of your nose, giggles spilling from your lips. He would throw an arm over your waist, knuckles gliding along your back, and you would lift your hand from the ground, let your palm rest upon his plump cheek, and thumb would stroke the stripes decorating his skin. And you would clear the final milometer of air, lips a breath away, you would look into his piercing eyes and with all the bravery you could muster, would whisper the words only meant for his ears.

“Neteyam… ma ‘teyam… I see-”

“(Y/n)?”

Your hand dropped from the air and sunk into the cool sand, you didn’t even bother to turn and face the approaching voice, you already knew who it was. It was always you and one other person who would leave the home for hours and wallow in pain.

You felt his body heat, skin just barely flicking over yours. You felt his eyes on you, you knew they would drip with pity and pain for you, and you didn’t want it. You were a mighty warrior, you withstood your cuts and bruises and persevered in the battle, even your mental ones.

“(Y/n)... I’m here- I-” “Lo’ak. Stop.” You closed your eyes, the tears making a comeback. You still kept your back to Lo’ak, not finding the mighty warrior in yourself to withstand this battle, instead shrinking away from the fight.

He didn’t say anything again, you didn’t say anything again, and the silence enveloped the bubble. With the sound of shuffling you thought he got up and headed back to sleep, probably knowing how guarded you are these days, but he didn’t leave he walked around you and laid beside you.

With the past year, you’ve closed yourself off, built a stone wall high to the heavens, and wrapped around the world. Only allowing small slips into the cracks, sea shell collecting with Tuk, enjoying the flora and fauna with Kiri, weaving baskets and jewelry with Neytiri in the mauri, and you’ll do whatever you can find with Jake. With Lo’ak, there was something that pulled the both of you a tiny bit closer. Be it the Great Mother, grief, Neteyam, or all of it together, you and Lo’ak always found each other in times of comfort.

You peeked your eyes open, Lo’ak watching your every breath, an arm pillowing his head with the other hand in the open space. It felt weird that he was in the same position you imagined Neteyam, but you didn’t think anything of it.

“(Y/n), I miss him. I miss my big brother.” Lo’ak’s voice was small, cracking on the words him and brother.

You didn’t speak, something you often did these days, you just linked your sandy hands together. You gave a squeeze knowing it would silently say to him, ‘I miss him too’.

Before…everything, you were a pretty touchy person. At least when you were super close and comfortable around the individual. And because you were comfortable around the Sullys you would express your love through all forms, touch sometimes being the easiest with the quick access. But after- after he was gone, you reclined into yourself, like you were waining off the feeling of na’vi skin. But Lo’ak was someone you felt naturally drawn to just touch, and it made you hurt because you always felt that way about Neteyam. Sometimes you didn’t want to be separated for even a second, needing to have a finger touching or your tail grazing by his legs.

You were worrying a bit that Lo’ak might be taking your intimate moments, your touches as something they weren’t. You loved Lo’ak, but only as a brother. Neteyam always filled the spaces in your heart. Friend, partner, ‘girlfriend’… future mate, your future husband. No one could fill those holes, they’ll always be empty until you die.

“Have you visited?”

You blinked your eyes, focusing back on the present. Lo’ak was just watching you, waiting for some type of response to his question. You heard him, faintly, but still heard. 

You didn’t say anything, the quiet your nonverbal answer.

“I haven’t either,” his thumb ran over your knuckles, “I’m too scared.”

“Why scared?” A hushed whisper.

He shrugged, “might argue with me or something. Tell me it’s my fault, which is t-“

“False. Sky people are at fault.” A constant reminder from you to him.

Silence once again. Talking always takes too much energy for you.

“Would you be willing to visit him, together?” Lo’aks’s question drifted into the air. 

“When we are ready, we will go. Together.”

-

Two Years Later

“I would like to visit Payakan.”

Lo’ak sat up from his lying position and looked down at you, his head blocking the blinding sun rays. You just peered up at him, face completely neutral.

“W-why?” His feathered brows furrowed, “it’s not safe.”

You cocked your head, striped brow raised, “never stopped you before.” A ghost of a smile mixed with some teasing.

Lo’ak scuffed and rolled his eyes at the remark, but you saw the smile. He looked at the open water for a moment before looking back at you. You could see the tiny gears turning in his head, probably weighing some pros and cons to your proposal.

He stood up and held a hand out, his answer to your request.

With a firm grasp, you let him pull you to your feet, his growing muscles pulling you against the gravity causing a light crash with your chests meeting. His free arm wrapped tight around your back to keep you from stumbling, it caused your breath to stutter and get caught in your throat before you cleared it.

“Lead the way, mighty warrior.” A quirk of your head caused Lo’ak to move, arm off your waist but the hand still held in yours.

He called his ilu with a yelp and grabbed the saddle. You didn’t bother calling yours, you still weren’t the best at riding even after living here for two years. Neteyam usually helped with your teaching and would have you ride with him when going out. You didn’t bother with learning further, not wanting to explore without him.

“(Y/n),” Lo’ak grabbed your bicep, “come on.”

He slid on the saddle with you just behind. His left hand holding the bar tight before looking over his shoulder and tapping your thigh with his right hand, “hold on tight. Breathe deep.” And he went under.

The crystal clear water past the reef felt like a whole new world. Almost nothing for the eye to see except for a few rocks that broke the surface, but other than that everything was below the surface.

“Where’s Payakan?” You whispered in his ear, it twitched against your nose.

“Uh, should be around here. Sometimes he finds me before I do.” His head looked side to side, trying to find the giant tulkun in the vast ocean.

You wrapped your arms around Lo’ak’s abdomen and leaned your head between his shoulder blades. Your ear could faintly hear this heart beating as he touched your forearm with his fingers, his heart speeding up just a bit.

“Is Payakan friendly?” Voice slightly muffled.

“Yeah. As long as you don’t provoke him or offend him. But he’s my spirit brother, he’ll accept you happily.”

“The sea gives and the sea takes.” Words you heard from Tsireya during lessons.

Your heart lurched at the phrase. Lo’ak lost Neteyam to the rocky seas with a fire burning in the distance but gained a Metkayina spirit brother in the calm and clear seas. Eywa must keep a balance of life, but this wasn’t a balance.

“Oh! (Y/n), look!” He eagerly tapped your arm and pointed to the horizon.

In the blink of an eye, a tulkun appears before the both of you, its eyes watching intently. It made some noises of communication, out of happiness or a threat, you couldn’t tell. But Lo’ak happily slid from the saddle and swam beside his eye and gave a very open hug to the creature. Its eyes closed and hummed a higher pitch, happy.

“(Y/n), come.” Lo’ak held a hand out for you.

You quickly joined the two, Lo’ak’s hand moving to place yours along the tough skin of the animal. A smile was pulled at your lips, you weren’t sure why, but you didn’t think too hard about it. You felt extremely happy for the first time in two years and you’ll absorb the feeling into your bones.

“Payakan, this is (Y/n). She’s part of my family.”

“Hello. Lo’ak speaks very highly of you. I’m grateful for the opportunity to meet you.” Your hand moved in soothing circles.

Another higher-pitched hum, “he likes you.”

Your attention away from Payakan focused on Lo’ak. He sat on the floating fin, hips and lower half submerged in the water with his torso and up dry. He held a delicate smile on his lips, small indents on either side. His eyes which were already focused on you looked gentle, his lids dropped just a bit, and his golden irises held a tiny spark.

It caused a shiver to run along your spine.

-

Three Years Later

Your lower half sat in the shallow waters of the beach. Water pushing and pulling, lapping at your body giving a gravitational pull, a pull that you resisted each time. Your hands would dance atop the surface, palms skimming the pleasant texture and fingers doing quick taps that cause a tiny plop.

You watched with fondness as Kiri lay on her stomach with her body submerged below the clear waters. One arm kept her upper body from dropping into the sand while the other ran through the still grains. Something so simple and she was mesmerized, you loved it.

With a turn of your head, you noticed two figures further down the beach, one teal and the other blue. Tsireya and Lo’ak. They were sitting beside each other, you couldn’t tell much about their conversation, neither giving off blatant expressions. They seemed to be making jewelry or carving, maybe both, each doing their own thing while just wanting to enjoy the other's company.

They looked happy, at peace. You felt glad for them.

“They make a good couple.” Kiri’s sudden voice causes you to jump a bit. You just nodded, “they do. Maybe they’ll mate when older. He’s been into her since we arrived.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

Everyone is tired and wishing for rest, hoping they grant uturu to your family. Neteyam and you automatically stand beside each other, fingers grazing as you walk to the formed crowd. With your curious eyes, you try and take in everything around you, from the people to the village, and it amazed you. And then with the perfect timing, you noticed a girl slipping into the water before making her way to the shores, and you heard a slight gasp. With a slight turn of your head, you noticed how Lo’ak couldn’t take his eyes off her, he was instantly fixated on the beauty.

You bumped your hand against Neteyam’s calling for his attention.

“It seems your brother has found a potential mate,” a quick chuckle, “if they allow.” Was all Neteyam followed up with.

“(Y/n), did you hear me?” Kiri’s fingers dug into your ribs.

You shifted away from a potential second attack, “no. Sorry, a memory came to mind.”

You ignored the eye roll she gave, “I said, but it seems like Lo’ak might have affection for someone new.”

A furrow came to your brows, “where are you hearing this? Do you not see the way he acts around Tsireya? He acts like a skxawng about… ninety percent of the time, and that’s just now. It used to be a bit higher.”

She licked her lips and her eyes dipped to the ground before meeting yours, “there’s something different…in the way, he looks at- his eyes hold something when he gazes upon you.” You couldn’t believe the words leaving Kiri’s mouth, “his eyes hold something when he gazes upon you.” She was wrong, simply wrong.

“You are wrong.” You shook your head at her absurdity, “Lo’ak doesn’t see me as anything other than another sister.”

She huffed, “(Y/n), I don’t know if you ever knew this, but when Lo’ak was younger he would tell me how he admired you. You probably thought nothing of it, but he would try to follow you around like a lost direhorse. I noticed the tiny scowls that came upon his face when Neteyam would steal away your attention. Plus he’s the only one you’re physically affectionate with besides-“

“I’m affectionate with all of you. Neteyam was extra special in my heart, he was my promised mate.” You started to get defensive.

She placed a hand on your shoulder, “yes, I understand. I just notice how the two of you hold each other in the night, Lo’ak holds you firmly to his chest with his arm over your waist and you will have your face tucked under his jaw.”

Your ears twitched, “I’m just trying to say, be careful. The both of you. Someone is gonna get hurt, and we’re just starting to heal our wounds.” Were her last wise words before standing up and walking away.

-

Three Years and Five Months Later

“I want to go to the cove and see Neteyam.”

You turned your head to the side, and bits of sand scratched your skin. Lo’ak kept his eyes on the sky, hands clasped over his stomach. You looked away when he didn’t meet your gaze.

“You are ready?”

“Not really, but I need to see him again.” It seemed like he had more to say so you waited, “are you ready?”

This time you knew he looked at you, the movement caused your ears to twitch at attention.

“No. But his face has started to blur and I lost the sound of his voice, his laugh. I miss it all, so it must be time.” You pushed off the ground and hunched over your legs.

His hand touched your back and you flinched before relaxing. Kiri’s words from a few months ago echoed in the back of your head. “If you are not ready, we can wait. You said we would go together when the both of us are ready. I’ll wait for you.”

You peeked at Lo’ak, something about that last part struck a chord with you. You see how his brows were raised just a bit and pinched in the middle, eyes open and clear. Full of understanding and love.

You fear Kiri’s words are becoming true.

You licked your lips, “we’ll go to the cove.” And you instantly stood up and walked away, Lo’ak following a step behind.

The both of you trod water for a bit once you reached the spirit tree, fully realizing that you're finally gonna see Neteyam again after three years. With a look to Lo’ak and a nod from him, the both of you took a breath and dove under and down.

As you stared at a tendril you started to think maybe you weren’t ready to see him, but with your hand being tugged by Lo’ak, you pulled your queue from behind your back and let the moving tendrils be pulled closer until they connected with your mind.

..

You were back in the forest.

It was midday, and the bright sun held high in the clear blue sky, not a cloud in sight. The grass was a luscious green, soft beneath your bare and calloused feet. Helicoradian and Octoshroom stood at their tall heights, you hit a few helicoradian causing them to shrink in on themselves which brings a laugh of joy out of you.

You walk to the stream where you and Neteyam would usually hang out during the day when both of you were free to escape. As you get closer the sound of the rushing water causes your heart to speed up just a bit, you’ve missed that sound for a while without even knowing.

When you entered the clearing, pushing a few low hanging leaves away from your face, your breath caught in your throat and you almost tripped over an unseen root. Head popping away from the rushing water and in your direction, Neteyam.

He hasn’t aged a day, which, obviously. But it just causes you to freak out a bit, you’ve grown three years, would he see you as past you or present you?

But focusing back on the boy you’ve missed so much. His usual head of braids, feathers, and beads were missing, just a curtain of dark black strands falling over his face and shoulders, it must have been a washing day. He’s also free of a necklace and armband, you notice his knife and bow are near the banks.

“(Y/n), come join me!” His voice made your chest rumble. Has it always been this deep?

“No tricks?” You stepped closer.

“No tricks,” he echoed back.

“Are you naked?” Hands at your hips.

He rolled his eyes, “obviously. Will you hurry up?”

“Nìhoet (perv), turn around first, skxawng.”

“We are to be mated, I’m allowed to see.”

“Not for a while, ‘evengan (boy). Turn.”

He put his hands up in surrender and turned, his toned back showing off his defined stripes. Quickly you stripped yourself of your feathered top and loincloth and rushed into the water with a splash.

You swam up to Neteyam who turned around at your disruption to the quiet. You kept your body under the water with just your head peeking free, your hair a halo behind you.

“I’ve missed you, oeyä sayrìp (my handsome).” A hand touched his cheek before pushing the free hair away. Needing to see all of him.

A hand fell atop the one resting on his cheek with his free one sitting along your jaw, thumb gliding with your stripes as his other three fingers dug into the root of your hair.

“I’m right here, oeyä sevin (my pretty).”

You teared up at that. He says he’s right there, but he’s not. You can’t touch him or converse with him whenever you choose to, you have to make the journey to the spirit tree now just to see figments of memories you had with him. And it seems he doesn’t even know he’s dead, so you can’t tell him these qualms you have.

“Ma tanhì, what hurts you?” Both hands hold your face, caged in his clasp.

You hold his wrist and close your eyes, the tears leaking from your waterline and down your cheek. You feel him wipe them away. You have to bite your lip to compose yourself.

His lips kiss your forehead, they linger and it breaks you even further. He pulled away and you said the words that have been lingering on your tongue.

“Ma Neteyam, Oel ngati kameie (i see you).”

He smiled, that easy smile you always loved seeing, “I know.” And he pulled you close with the hands still on your face, and pressed his lips against yours.

-

Your eyes peeled open.

All you saw was the bright light of the tree with your queue still attached before you pulled it free. You turned your head to the left where Lo’ak was floating, he still seemed to be connected, his eyes closed and hand still held firmly in yours. You bit the skin of your bottom lip and squeezed your eyes shut.

This was the reason you waited to visit because you knew that when you saw him again, it would break you like the first time. He didn’t get enough time with you, with his family, with himself. It wasn’t fair, this was the cruelest thing Eywa has ever done to you.

With a pull to your arm, your legs automatically began scissor kicking you back to the surface. You took a gulping breath when you broke the surface, droplets of water running into your eyes and on your mouth, and your ears almost felt clogged. You pushed your heavy limps back to the ilu, biceps straining with the sudden weight before flopping on the saddle, ready to leave.

“You okay?” Lo’ak asked as he saw beside the animal, left hand on the saddle while his right touched your knee.

You looked away before making eye contact, “just tired.” Both emotionally and physically.

Lo’ak watched you but didn’t say anything, he just climbed in front of you and told the animal to go home.

When you reached the shore you quickly climbed off and walked away, needing to be completely by yourself and allow yourself to wallow or break down or just stare at nothing. You just wanted to be alone. But of course, with Lo’ak, he’ll come chasing after you.

“(Y/n). Come on, we should head home.” And when his hand grasped your wrist, you exploded.

With a blind rage in your heart, you barred your fangs and released a hiss from deep within your chest. He let go of you and you stepped away before running into the trees. The instant regret took away a bit of the fire in your heart, you’ve never bared your fangs at any of the Sullys, even in playful moments.

As you walked through the small jungle area of the island you scrubbed your hands over your face, trying to erase any evidence of your tears. Cheeks flushed with your blood rushing and eyes touched with a red hue in the whites, chest heaving with hiccuping breaths and your ribs hurt with every few beats. Finally, your knees just gave out causing you to collapse to the floor, a deep growl building in your throat.

With a scream, you cried to the Great Mother, begging and pleading for Neteyam to come back. As exaggerated as it sounds, you needed Neteyam to breathe, to live. He unknowingly gave so much purpose to your life, you planned a future with him, you talked about children when you were ready. Pandora doesn’t have the same vibrant colors you use to see every waking day, it doesn’t hum with the high-pitched energy that you felt in your bones. Everything was dull and gray, the food tasted bitter on your tongue.

In your moment of heaving air and pleading to the air, arms snaked around your waist and pulled you in tight against a solid chest. You indulged for just a moment, pretending it was your beloved, but the voice snapped the trance.

“Just pretend,” he kept his voice low, “pretend you are in his arms. Say the words to free your heart.”

Your cries died off, your brows furrowed at his words. You tried to turn your eyes on him, but he removed a hand from your waist and draped them over your eyes, blocking out everything unimportant. You heard the water crashing, the wind brushing the leaves and grass, and your ears twitching with every breath that touched the sensitive skin. His skin was a warm comfort, chest pressing with every breath released, the pads of his fingers just a bit rough from time, the arm still holding your waist was a welcome weight.

“Talk to me, ma… ma txe’lan (my heart).” A nice pet name, but you heard the hesitance, and ignored it.

You touched his forearm, “ma ‘teyam… how I yearn for you day and night. Fruits aren’t as rich and juicy, the sky isn’t as bright and clear, and the children’s shrieks of joy aren’t as full in my heart. You were the air I breathed each second and now with you gone, I feel like I am suffocating. So right now I am angry at you. You had to be the fucking fkew tsamsyiu (mighty warrior)! I- I know how Kiri and Lo’ak- how they care for the human, Spider, but- you couldn’t be selfish or- or pull Lo’ak away. You couldn’t say no, he- Lo’ak, has such a soft spot in your txe’lan. And I know, I know already, I’ve told him plenty of times, it is not his fault. He just wanted his friend back, I understand. And- and I understand your actions, your family was in danger- our family was in danger,” you heaved a breath, “I- I am not angry with you, I’m angry with the sky people. They can’t leave us alone, touching and violating our home and destroying every beautiful gift Eywa has blessed us with. We should have been able to grow old… grow a lor (beautiful) family in the forest. We would teach them the way of the bow, grow them into fkew tsamsyius or zeykoyus (healers), and they would learn from Mo’at.” Your body slumped, and energy vanished.

Lo’ak felt the tears but didn’t speak, only kissed your temple. The kiss lingered and then another kiss near your ear, another to your cheek, a fourth one to your jaw that lead to a few more. You felt him turn your head, both hands touching your neck, you didn’t dare open your eyes, too lost in the spell to break it just yet. With your hands moving to take hold of his biceps, you felt the breath of air ghost your lips.

“Please,” you begged with your heart.

His lips pressed to yours hesitantly, waiting to see if you’ll push further or break away. You tilted your head just a bit, granting better room for your lips to properly move together. And within those few seconds of kissing, you knew. You knew that the spark that was usually there every time has disappeared, telling you that this wasn’t your Neteyam and that you couldn’t see Lo’ak in any other way than as a friend, a brother.

You pushed away, shame filling your blood. ‘You shouldn’t have done this’ ‘This wasn’t fair to Lo’ak’

“I am sorry. I- I shouldn’t have…” “(Y/n), would you mate with me?”

Your head snapped to Lo’ak, eyes wild with confusion at his sudden question. He looked serious, with no hint of mischief within his glowing eyes. His hands still held a firm hold on your neck, his fingers grazing your skin. His ears were pressed to his skull, awaiting some type of answer from you.

“I- I… why would you ask such a question? Whe- where is this coming from?”

He licked his lips, “Neteyam would want you happy. He would want you to have that family, to grow old with someone who cares for you as he did.”

‘No one could care for me as Neteyam did’

“It hurts to see you in pain and I would do everything in my power to take it away-” “You do not like or love me, Lo’ak. You are just confused, I have confused you.”

He shook his head, “no, no. I do, I do like you. I hold love for you that can grow with time-”

“Lo’ak! Stop this!” You wretched free of his hold, “mating is a serious affair. You should not be proposing this pairing just because I have lost my promised one. You say that you are doing this because Neteyam would want me happy, but what about you? Would this union bring love into your life every time you think about it? Because you are blinded by- by our- by my unintended intimacy. I have taken advantage of your comfort, I have twisted your thoughts. You do not love me. You do not see me.”

“Oel ngati kameie, (Y/n). I do,” Lo’ak tried to reach out to you.

You shrunk back, “do not throw those words around worthlessly!” Your arms wrapped over your stomach, “Lo’ak, I know that you had some type of- of feelings for me when we were younger. Kiri mentioned it to me. And with time I assumed they faded because when we arrived here you were instantly transfixed with Tsireya. I saw how your eyes followed her movements, your brows raising, the- the greeting you said to her that caused giggles to spill from her lips. I could feel that this was something more. And when our training started I saw how nervous she made you, how she said your heartbeat sped up every time she touched you, the both of you sharing dazzling smiles. Tsireya makes you happy, Lo’ak.”

A sigh left your lips, “do not throw your happiness away because of me.” Lo’ak tried to take a step towards you but you backed away, throwing a hand up, “I think it best if we are away from each other for a while. I- I need to heal properly and you need to rid yourself of these thoughts for me and focus on spending time with Tsireya again.”

-

Four Years Later

“Fkew Tuktirey! A glorious catch! The family will be proud.” You shifted her head of braids, her laughs filling the air.

The two of you trudged back to your mauri pod, Tuk holding the fish she was able to catch. She’s grown so much in four years, now age eleven and standing at shoulder height, it brought tears to your eyes, she was already starting to be confident and outgoing. Neteyam would be so proud of her.

As she ran ahead into the home you could faint voices having a conversation, voices talking loudly and over each other. You were worried someone was getting yelled at, but when you walked in it was a different scene than what you expected.

Near the entrance, Jake and Neytiri were seated on the ground, smiles brightening their faces in glee. And you noticed that two other bodies sat across from them, Tsireya and Lo’ak, their hands clasped beside their thighs. They all looked up at your and Tuk’s interruption to the home, but no smiles faltered at the intrusion.

“Sa’nu! (mom) Sempu! (dad) Look at the fish I caught with (Y/n)!” She hopped her way over to her parents. They both gasped and applauded her catch, Jake pulling her into his lap, pecking her face in quick kisses causing her to laugh. It was a joyful sight to behold.

“This will make for a wonderful dinner tonight. A celebration of two!” Neytiri boasted. You cocked your head, “what’s the other occasion?”

You took note of Jake and Neytiri sharing a look and Tsireya and Lo’ak doing the same, you and Tuk were the only two out of the loop. It wasn’t until Tsireya gave a simple nod that Lo’ak turned to you, “Tsireya and I are to be mated.” Tuk shrieked in delight before leaping to the couple for hugs.

“I always knew the two of you would come together,” a declaration heard by everyone but meant for Lo’ak. “You were always wise, (Y/n),” then suddenly Lo’ak did the gesture, hand to his forehead before dropping. I see you. The others might have thought it weird, but it meant a lot to you, Lo’ak finally understood you.

“Oh, Tsireya, I can’t wait for you to be an official family member!” Your arms are thrown over her shoulders. The two of you giggle with infectious joy and wiggle your bodies with buzzing energy. 

-

Four Years and Two Months Later

The waves crashed and cried, the thundering in your ears almost a welcomed melody at this point. The blazing sun of the late afternoon warmed your skin in a nice hug, and gentle kisses to your cerulean stripes.

Your back sunk into the grains of sand on the beach, the shade of a palm tree leaves bringing relief to your face. Your eyes were closed in peace with lips slightly parted to release puffs of air, hands clasped over your stomach as it rose and fell. With your hair free of braids and the wind blowing, your jet-black strands would tickle your chin or nose, a crinkle forming to stop an incoming sneeze.

Almost slipping into a calming slumber you missed the soft steps heading your way on the beach, the wind and water covering the tracks. It wasn’t until a crunching noise grew louder that you heard the sigh of someone beside you. So you peeled an eye open and in the corner you saw-

“Lo’ak. Did you need something?” You just closed your eye and waited for an answer from him. Body stays in its tranquil state.

He didn’t say anything, you only heard shuffling on his part. But you waited, letting him collect his thoughts since it’s been a while since the both of you have been alone together. It was nice to be around him again, but you knew it was for the best, for both of you.

There was a graze to your forearm and it made you tense up, the touch unwelcomed. You didn’t push him away, just turned your head and stared at the boy- the man before you. Your golden eyes squinted at his quiet demeanor, knees pulled up and head bowed with his braids falling over his shoulder and shielding his face.

“Lo’ak,” he jerked his hand away like you burned off fire, “why have you come here? It is best if we are away from each other.”

His head moved, “I’ve missed my old friend. Missed sitting in silence with you and just keeping each other company as we mourned for Neteyam. Missed having you join me when visiting Payakan, he misses you as well,” a quick laugh, “and I- I just missed being with you.”

You let the words sink in, digesting and absorbing every syllable and word. “I have missed you too, Lo’ak.” A simple confession. You saw the tiny smile on his face.

“Are you excited to be mated with Tsireya?” Wanting to have an easy conversation.

Lo’ak looked out into the clear waters, “yeah. I’m lucky she accepted me, flaws and all. She’s so perfect and gentle and sweet with everyone she meets, always having my heart squeeze with admiration for her. And she chooses me, reckless and carefree Lo’ak who’s always doing shit to get me into trouble or danger. The perfect girl chose the disappointment. It is almost like a dream.” His fingers twiddled, pulling at the joints or tapping fingers together.

“You are not a disappointment, Lo’ak.” A poke was sent to his thigh for his attention, “your family loves you very much. And, yes, some of the things they have said to you haven’t been the nicest, but they bubbled from a place in their heart from fear of losing you.”

He looked away, hands still fidgeting so you pulled the closest into your grasp as you continued speaking, “and you say you are lucky for Tsireya choosing you, but she is also the lucky one. She looks at you like you hung every star that sparkles in the night sky, you pull laughter from deep within her chest, her heart. She touches you with a fragile air, hands always clasped between your bodies or caressing your cheek as she gets lost in your eyes. I see all this from far away. And- and I envy the both of you.”

Lo’ak opened his mouth to speak but you stopped him still needing to speak your mind, “I am so happy that you are able to have this love in your life. You truly deserve the best Lo’ak and being with someone who makes your days brighter and heart lighter, Eywa has given you a great blessing.”

You saw his eyes gloss over with water forming and his tongue popping out to lick his lips. You said all that needed to be spoken, so now you let him understand your words and waited for anything to be said from his side. With his hand still in your hold you ran your thumb over his knuckles.

“(Y/n), I know these are probably the words you don’t wish to hear, but I too need to speak my mind as well.” His eyes bore into yours. You had a guess as to what he was going to say, but just nodded your head and let him speak.

“I did like you. When we were younger and I saw you in action for the first time, it was like Eywa crafted you with such care and precision. I was in awe, but Neteyam got to you first, so I kept a certain distance when it came to you. But when… when he died… I felt- I felt just a bit of hope that- that- I don’t even know now. But I do want to say… you were right. Us being separated helped clear me of confusing thoughts and feelings and allowed me to focus on the one who loved me right away.”

-

Four Years and Nine Months Later 

The beach was crowded. Every resident of Awa’atlu was present and dressed in their finest for the union of Tsireya and Lo’ak, the first pairing of different clans. Tonowari and Ronal along with Jake and Neytiri stood to the side of their children, and their siblings at the front of the crowd. You stood between Kiri and Tuk, a hand in both of yours.

You watched and listened as Ronal stepped forward, with her being tsahík she was the one to officiate the wedding, giving her blessings and wise words from Eywa. You saw the smiles pulling at the parents' mouths and the tears welling in their eyes, their children have grown up.

Tsireya with her hair intricately fashioned with beads and shells, her top that shimmered with pearls covering every inch of skin, but her smile and teary eyes were the most beautiful part of her. Her ever-expressive face showed that she was excited to spend the rest of her life with the man standing before her, ready to start a family with him in the future when they are further into adulthood. Excited to wake up every day to his face and arms wrapping her tight to his chest and falling asleep every night to the feel of his chest moving with every breathe and feel the light kisses he would place upon her hair or forehead before mumbling how he loves her and wishes her a good night.

With Lo’ak it looked like he was holding himself back from jumping into Tsireya and tugging her into a steering kiss. He wore a newly woven armband with a feather attached and an Omatikaya cummerbund, almost like his final goodbye to the forest before he gets his tattoos of the Metkayina warriors in due time. He held her hands tightly, thumbs constantly moving to show his nerves and excitement. His smile was ginormous, it was pushing his cheeks high and causing his eyes to squint, it was adorable. His tail was swinging side to side in a rapid movement and his ears were perked high, listening to every word being spoken by Ronal. His eyes shine with love, probably thinking of getting to kiss his mate whenever he wants, day and night nothing would stop him from a quick peck or a passionate melting of lips that caused hands to wander. He’ll enjoy all the loud and quiet moments in their home, just enjoying the other company as they do their own tasks. He’ll talk about his day over dinner and she listens with focused ears and watchful eyes.

The loud cheers of the crowd snapped you from your daydreaming, imagining you and Neteyam’s future.

Tsireya and Lo’ak share a kiss before the clan, their joining of queues and mating before Eywa would take place away from the eyes of others.

With a feast held in their name, everyone was in high spirits. The music was flowing and people were dancing, the food was cooked to perfection and in abundance, and the drinks splashed causing people to let loose. You clapped, cheered, and laughed with your new clan, your new home. Conversing with people your age and allowing yourself to make new friends.

When the eclipse was high in the sky you excused yourself from the festivities and walked to a secluded part of the beach.

As you lay on the beach with your hands behind your head and eyes staring up at the sky, you yearned for him once again. Yearned for his warmth and his touch, his voice and laugh. Yearned for the domestic life you envisioned yourself to have with him, imagining your children squealing and running amuck, but bringing endless light and joy to your lives, as he’d done to yours.

With almost five years passed since his departure, everyone has healed most wounds. There were still cracks and tears within your hearts that might never mend, but you knew that Neteyam was watching all of you. He would be smiling and almost shocked that Lo’ak mated before him, but he would be happy because he knew his little brother deserves every ounce of love. Neteyam would be happy that everyone is living their lives happily and growing more into themselves, with great love filling their bones.

And with that knowledge, he’s happily waiting with Eywa until his family can join him on the other side.

...

[littlerosetrove]

If. IF the show, for whatever reason, decides to stick with Eddie being (assumedly) straight, then boy will that be fuckin weird, disappointing and boring. And a disservice to Eddie considering how he’s been written thus far. 

If I may attempt to lay this out in the simplest terms. 

The entire time Eddie was married to Shannon he literally, metaphorically, and emotionally kept running away from her. As far as we can tell, not once did he ever truly allow himself to be vulnerable with her. Not in a way that matters for the health of a relationship/marriage. When Shannon tried to be vulnerable, Eddie shut that stuff down. 

Eddie was never vulnerable with Ana until literally when they broke up. He was never really invested in Ana or their relationship. His main investment was “get a new mother for Christopher.”

Same for Marisol, but somehow worse. He’s never been invested in their relationship nor Marisol as a person. He’s clearly been shown to be disinterested in her, actually. One way to avoid getting to know Marisol was using sex as both an avoidance technique (which he often did with Shannon), and using it as the only way for Eddie to accept any kind of closeness with Marisol. 

Hell we can even mention Kim. He’s not seeing her as her own person, but merely someone he can project his dead wife onto. 

When it comes to sex, frankly, Eddie does not seem to have a healthy relationship with it. Again, he’s predominately used sex as a combination of avoiding arguments, avoiding getting to know someone, and out of a sense of duty/obligation. The sense of duty plays into Eddie’s very heteronormative and frankly backwards/toxic stereotypes he has of what a male/female relationship in a marriage or otherwise should look like. ← This was inspired by both this fantastic 7x7 meta post by @sevensoulmates, and conversations I’ve had with @elvensorceress.  I genuinely question and wonder how often, if ever, Eddie had sex because he wanted to and not because he felt like he had to. I don’t think it means Eddie’s disliked every time he’s had sex, in part because let’s be real and keep in mind sex is biologically made/designed to feel good, but really. How often has he ever had sex because he actually wanted it? 

Important side note, I’ll always think that Eddie, out of the many reasons he needs to go back to therapy, is that he needs to learn healthy consent. He needs to know that if he doesn’t want sex he’s allowed to say no. He does not have to have sex because he’s a man, and “men should want and want to provide sex for their wife/girlfriend.” That it’s “a man’s duty to satisfy his wife/girlfriend.” 

Even with Shannon, Eddie’s relationships with women have been performative. He’s only been in and settled into relationships with women because it provides a comforting facade of “This Eddie guy here is a respectable man in a relationship with a woman and has a kid who he provides for, as he should.” ← Society, his family, his Latino catholic upbringing, and heteronormativity has taught Eddie this is what’s good and proper for him. That he should have and want to have a nuclear family (and that he must suppress what his heart really wants).

Three times (four if you include Kim) Eddie has consistently kept every woman he’s been romantically involved with at arms length. IF the show were to keep him straight, well they’ve been doing a shit job at making it look like Eddie even wants to be in a romantic relationship with a woman at all. To me Eddie very much comes across and reads as a repressed gay and demi man. 

Now if you have different views, perhaps you feel that I’m wrong in my interpretation and understanding of Eddie and Shannon’s relationship, or hell, maybe you think Eddie is bisexual, that’s fine. Neither of us are stupid for our thoughts and opinions on this fictional character. But please do not comment or reblog this with “well actually” or anything like that. I have my opinion in my corner over here, and you can have yours on your own, okay? Thank you.

[monstersandmaw]

Male werewolf x female character (Gabe & Odessa) - Chapter Twenty One (nsfw)

Disclaimer which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

___

Oof, folks. It’s been building to this, and some of you have added your thoughts on what’s going on, but I promise you he will tell her...

Content: werewolf transformation, shifted sex, knotting, biting (gentle, no blood), aftercare and fluff Wordcount: 4926

Catch up here:

Part One (sfw), Part Two (sfw), Part Three (sfw), Part Four (sfw), Part Five (sfw), Part Six (sfw) Part Seven (sfw), Part Eight (sfw), Part Nine (sfw), Part Ten (sfw), Part Eleven (nsfw), Part Twelve (sfw), Part Thirteen (sfw), Part Fourteen (nsfw), Part Fifteen (nsfw), Part Sixteen (nsfw), Part Seventeen (sfw), Part Eighteen (v. light nsfw), Part Nineteen (nsfw), Part Twenty (nsfw) 

Gabe’s back gave another great heave and, still human, he let out a roar that was all animal, bearing his teeth and snarling, head dropping forwards as he shook from the effort of holding back a transformation that had already started to take hold of him.

“God, Odessa, I’m so sorry,” he hissed. “I’ve never lost control of it like this… I… I don’t —” he broke off and half-swallowed a yelp of pain as his back twisted a little and he braced his arms wide on either side of her body to stop himself falling forwards on top of her. “Shit. I can’t… I’m…”

He retreated down the bed and his back curved upwards again like an angry cat.

“You can shift, Gabe” she said again, heart still pounding. “Let go. Don’t worry about anything else. Shift.”

Snarling and snapping, he pushed further away and she watched, fascinated, as he gave in to the wolf without another word.

Dark fur grew along his spine, and the grinding crack and clunk of bones realigning under his skin filled the air. His whole body trembled and jerked convulsively, claws growing, limbs elongating and skull changing, muscles tearing and reforming, a tail growing, until he crouched, hunched on all fours on the bed near her feet, breathing erratically.

“Gabe?” she whispered, hardly daring to breathe, let alone move. “Are you alright?”

His cock was still hard, she noticed unavoidably as she took in his new body. Achingly so, and it was huge like this; red and thick. The longer she looked at him, the harder he got it seemed, and in only a few seconds, it twitched and began to leak pre-come in a thick, steady stream onto the sheets below him. There was also a thicker bulge beginning to form at the base. Gabe whined and tried to shrink away, curling inwards on himself. His ears were back, his eyes were closed, and he looked the picture of miserable shame.

“Gabe, no…” she said. “No, don’t. Come back?” she asked as she sat up and extended her hand towards him, palm up. “Come back… Please… It’s ok.”

At that, he did finally look up at her with those familiar golden eyes. He looked so vulnerable, so uncertain. She nodded reassurance and smiled. He glanced down at himself in a wry, self-deprecating kind of way and tilted his head in a question.

“I want you, Gabe,” Odessa said with a fluttering laugh, and she found that she truly meant it. She’d had ‘human Gabe’ any number of times by then, but there was something about him in this form that made her core burn. “You’re still you, whatever form you take. I want you. And,” she added with a wry smile, “You clearly still want me…”

Cautiously, he nodded and then crawled up the bed towards her.

The sight of his black, clawed, paw-like hands on the stark white sheets sent a thrill through her and she bit her lip as she lay back once more, simultaneously relaxing and buzzing with renewed energy. He loomed over her as she lay there, and she smiled up at the werewolf who already had claimed her, body and soul.

With his inhuman hands splayed across her thighs, black claws glinting, he parted her legs and she opened willingly to him. He inhaled slowly, tongue starting to loll, and he lowered his great wolf’s head and pressed his cold, wet nose to her clit. She immediately bucked beneath him but he held her down with no effort at all. His jaws parted and he let his hot tongue rake over her, tasting her, and as he did, he let out a rumbling groan of pleasure. He licked her, tongue laving through the wetness that had gathered anew between her folds, and as he started to focus more on her clit and on her pleasure, Odessa’s body began to tremble and heave in time with every stroke of his tongue. The pads of his paws were rough on her skin and his grip was breathtaking, but the contrast between the strength of his body and the delicacy of his touch left her gasping and crying out.

“Oh my God, I’m going to come,” she grunted as the pleasure that had been growing in her core suddenly unfolded like a flower.

In a blinding starburst across her vision, she came against the heat and pressure of his tongue and he closed his mouth on her. His upper teeth pressed into her mound as if he were trying to devour her while his tongue pressed tight against her fluttering heat. She tried to lift her hips against his mouth but he pinned her down and growled at her to keep still. The vibrations ran through her whole body and she threw her head back into the pillows and yelled as a second wave tore through her right on the heels of the first.

Finally she came down, twitching and gasping for breath, and he drew back slowly. He licked her a few times, not wanting to waste any of the taste of her, and then he regarded her steadily. He was still the Gabe she knew when he wore this form, but he was also a little different. Human-Gabe was relaxed and affable and easy-going, but Wolf-Gabe was quiet and intense and very observant, the way a pack’s sentry might keep watch: cataloguing every movement and noticing every detail about her. It made her skin tingle just to bear his golden gaze on her.

His jaws were softly parted to show his teeth and the tip of his wet tongue, and his eyes glowed bright gold in a face that was as kind as it was inhuman. He loved her. Of that there was no doubt.

“I need you inside me,” she whispered.

His cock twitched visibly at that, and it drooled a thick line of pre-come down onto the sheets between her legs. Trusting her, he didn’t hesitate as much this time, and he prowled the rest of the way up the bed until he loomed over her with his inhuman hands braced on either side of her head and his cock leaking pre-come all over the sensitive skin between her legs every time it twitched.

Flushed red, hard, and messy, with the knot showing visibly at soft fur around the base, Gabe seemed more aroused than she’d yet known him, but still he began slowly, simply rutting his cock against her thighs and smearing the drooling pre-come all over her. When he met her eyes and understood that she really did want him like that, he lowered his muzzle to her collarbone and slowly opened his jaws. His huge teeth locked carefully around the bones of her shoulder and chest, and she bucked up into him with a broken, needy grunt.

“Oh my God, Gabe…” she breathed, revelling in the new sensation.

It was like being held, but it was so intense on so many levels. If he chose to — or if he lost control, she supposed — he could kill her in an instant, snapping her collarbones like kindling, but instead he just held her still while he rutted luxuriantly against her, savouring the pleasure and slide of her body against his.

“Gabe…” she said again, and she raised her hands to his chest, watching as her fingers sank and disappeared into the thick fur there. “I still want you inside me…” she reminded him.

A long, low, quavering note left his throat at that and his whole body fell still.

Then, without releasing his grip on her shoulder, he shifted his hips just a little and the searing heat of the tip of his cock nudged against her entrance. With Odessa wetter than she could ever remember being, and with Gabe even messier than usual, the slide of his huge cock inside her was easier than she’d expected, though the stretch was still immense.

This time, a long, high whine left him and his jaw quivered before he released her and bowed his back to drive himself all the way inside her to the hilt.

Except it wasn’t to the hilt, she realised as the bulge of his knot nudged at her sensitive entrance and he began to pant and whimper. He clearly wanted more, to slide completely inside her, but even lost in the wolf, he apparently couldn't bear the thought of hurting her.

At first he moved with an aching, cautious slowness that bordered on frustrating for her, but when he sensed that, he got a little faster and a little bolder, and the apex of each powerful thrust punched the air out of her in a low, inelegant grunt that he seemed to adore. He tilted his head, dark ears pricked forwards, and listened to every noise she made for him. It seemed to stoke his ardour and he gnashed his teeth, black lips peeling back to reveal huge, white teeth, while his red tongue lashed behind them as drool began to drip from his jaws.

As the minutes ticked by, and his pace and the depth and power of each stroke increased, Odessa realised that he was losing himself more and more to the sensations of their joined bodies, and she loved it.

She loved it because despite all  that unbelievable power, all that monstrous wildness in him, he cared for her.

Each time she sang him a new note of pleasure for him, he repeated the gesture to make her do it again, and each time she told him how wonderful it felt, he let out either a pleased growl or a chuffing whine. He scented her too, hunching his lithe back enough to bring his cheek to her neck without breaking the rhythm he’d set, before raising himself up to look at her with his pupils blown dark and wide, and his jaws slightly open and intimidatingly inhuman.

He used his new and bigger form to wring pleasure from her in ways she’d never experienced before, and she loved him fiercely for it. She found herself gently shunted up the bed towards the headboard each time his hips pistoned into her, and he picked up one dark, paw-like hand to close his clawed fingers around her breast as it jostled with the movement. Mindful of his sharp claws, he kneaded it luxuriantly for a few strokes before returning his palm to the mattress to buttress himself up properly.

This, she realised as his cock pushed deep against her inner walls in a gloriously slow stroke, was the closeness she’d been seeking all along.

“I love you, Gabe,” she whispered through welling tears. She felt full for obvious physical reasons, but her chest felt tight and her heart was beating in her throat. “I love you. I don’t want to leave. I love you.”

With a broken whine, he lowered his face one more time and nuzzled her neck and cheeks, desperately scenting her, rubbing his scent all over her wherever he could reach while his muscles trembled at the torturously inadequate pace he was inflicting on himself. He licked briefly at her mouth and her throat and his thrusts grew irregular and much, much deeper. He was shaking all over, but it was only after another few minutes of tempered bliss that she realised he was trying to restrain himself from sliding all the way in.

He was trying to avoid knotting her and it was all he could do to hold himself back.

Odessa wanted to weep at how blessedly careful he was being with her, and realised that he was never going to do it himself. She waited until he reached the apex of one particularly slow and gentle thrust and looped her legs around his middle. She tightened her hold on him, tugged, and pulled herself fully onto his knot.

With a flash of his wide, golden eyes and a snatched gasp of surprise, Gabe’s wolf jaws closed around her bare throat, teeth locking him in place like a vice around her neck, and he snarled long and deep and loud. Incoherent bliss rushed through every fibre of Odessa’s being as his knot swelled and filled perceptibly inside her, and her whole body went completely, instinctively slack beneath him with a softly-uttered ‘oh’ of pleasure.

A sensation of utter rightness and true ‘oneness’ with him was the only thing she could feel. Gabe started to rock and rut his hips repeatedly, frantically, against her, snarling and panting, but the movement was futile. They were sealed together, and he didn’t have an inch to move inside her. It felt incredible though and her core tightened, muscles clenching around him.

“Yes,” she smiled against his ruff, her body still limp with ecstasy.

His teeth dug into her but he never broke the skin despite the pressure. His hot tongue pushed against her pulse and drool slipped between his teeth to slide down her shoulder while he rutted wildly a few more times against her. He was growling and whimpering in time with each desperate, helpless thrust.

Then, only a few seconds after she’d pulled herself onto his knot, she felt his cock begin to pulse inside her.

His back rounded and hunched, his jaws tightened, his eyes rolled, and he started to come.

She could actually feel him spilling in huge spurts inside her, flooding her fuller than she’d ever been in her life, and the sounds he made against her throat were raw and deep and visceral. After a few seconds of lying there, pinned by his crushing weight to the bed, she felt his hands and arms slide underneath her shoulders, and he lifted her upper body right off the mattress. With his hands supporting her shoulders and lower back, he sat back on his heels and rutted up into her, still coming blindly, desperately.

Held upright but lolling weakly in his arms, Odessa let her head roll back. At the new angle, Gabe’s huge cock and knot caught her just perfectly inside, and at last the wave of blinding pleasure that had swamped her on first feeling his knot took her with it, and she came with a broken, convulsing wail.

Gabe threw back his head and howled.

It was a long time before Gabe shuddered to stillness, though he was still breathing hard and cradling her in his shaking arms. His cock still twitched and spilled the last of his orgasm inside her, and the only sounds in the room now were their shared, panting breaths and the occasional grunt from Gabe.

While she’d been coming, one of his hands had moved to cradle her head. His huge claws pricked her scalp a little and grounded her, and as the last echoes of her own orgasm rippled through her, she finally opened her eyes and found him staring at her.

As if he couldn’t quite believe what he had just done, Gabe slowly started to lower her down and regarded her, wild-eyed and panicky, ears back.

“Gabe,” she smiled, consonants still vague with pleasure. “That was perfect. You’re perfect. I love you, and I’m yours.”

At that last, he trembled all over and began to scent her again. He looked like he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

“Shh, it’s ok. I’m here,” she said, losing sight of her fingers again in the thick, soft fur of his ruff as she scrunched and tugged at it. “You feel so good…” She kept talking to him, reiterating that she had loved every second of it, until he slumped down on top of her, slightly askew to keep his weight mostly off her chest. He held her head in his hand and lay there, shivering and whining almost imperceptibly with each exhale. They were still tied together and the sensation of utter fullness helped to ground her.

While still idly stroking his fur, she wondered how long he would be locked inside her. She half-recalled him saying that because she wasn’t a werewolf, they probably wouldn’t technically be completely tied. Odessa didn’t feel like trying to move just yet, but she was pretty sure he was locked in place inside her as securely as if she had been a werewolf. They weren’t going anywhere for a while.

Before too long, she felt Gabe begin to fall asleep. His weight dipped incrementally down on top of her and he exhaled roughly, so she brought her hands to the soft fur around his left ear and stroked it. He flicked it and twitched up to look at her, and she smiled at him. “If you’re going to go to sleep, we need to change places,” she murmured.

He grunted in agreement, nodded, and then rolled, pulling her with him so that she lay atop his body, still joined to him. She could feel the tug of the knot against her when he moved, the pressure of it deep inside her, and experimentally, she squeezed her core around him. The most blissful pleasure she’d ever experienced rolled through her, and at the same time Gabe jutted his chin up and let out a long, quiet howl.

“You want me not to do that?” she asked but she didn't get an answer from him. He just lay there on his back with his throat completely exposed and his nose pointed to the wall behind him. “Gabe?” she asked, and did it again.

He made another noncommittal huffing noise once the reflexive moan had died away, and she laughed. She leaned forwards and scratched his jaw and fluffy throat with her nails in slow, luxuriant rakes, and he made low, happy noises in his throat. It wasn’t quite a purr — more of a rasping exhale — but it was evident that he was deeply contented, and she loved the feeling of lying on top of him with his knot locking her in place. His arms closed around her middle and he held her tightly. His hands like this were huge, dwarfing her lower back where the rough pads pressed against her skin.

Odessa loved every second of it.  

Perhaps a quarter of an hour or so later, his knot began to go down enough that his softening cock started to slip free of her, and she inhaled in surprise as she felt his release slide down her thighs. There was so much of it. “Oh…” she breathed. “That’s going to make a mess…”

“Mmph,” said Wolf-Gabe without opening his eyes.

“Don’t sound so darned pleased with yourself,” she laughed, touching the tip of his cold, wet nose with her fingertip. He half-sneezed in protest but otherwise didn’t move. “It’s going to ruin these sheets.”

He shrugged. That was clearly not a problem for Wolf-Gabe to worry about. That sounded like a Human-Gabe problem. She laughed at him and he finally cracked an eye open. Leaning towards her, he licked her nose once and flopped back down, clearly exhausted. She joined him, lying along his torso with her cheek resting on his collarbones, and she drifted into sleep along with him.

It hadn’t felt like it at the time, but the strain of taking his knot, and of being so thoroughly filled, had sapped her almost completely of energy, and when she woke a while later, she felt heavy and exhausted, and, she realised with a shiver, cold. Gabe’s fur would keep him more than warm in the room, but with her body exposed to the air, she had grown uncomfortably cold.

She sat up a little, and Gabe’s soft cock finally slipped all the way out of her, making him grunt and stir too.

“Any chance you’ll run me a bath?” she muttered, only half in jest and groaning as her insides protested the movement and her thighs trembled. She really did ache now, despite how good it had felt at the time, and she didn’t want to move any more muscles than it took just to talk. “I think I’ve had more sex in the last two weeks than I’ve had in the last five years combined,” she added.

Wolf-Gabe rumbled something that sounded very pleased about that statement, and then after another couple of minutes, he rallied his strength and rolled over. He let the movement tip her gently into the middle of the bed. Instead of getting up right away though, he licked at her neck where his teeth had left a string of tiny bruises like dark, freshwater pearls across her collarbone and over her shoulder.

He looked apologetic, but she smiled and stroked his fluffy cheek. “I would have told you to let go if I’d wanted you to stop,” she said firmly and he nodded. He tipped his head into the touch, eyes closing briefly, and then he laved his hot tongue affectionately over her chest and breasts. Goosebumps followed in the wake of the warmth and she shivered without the strength to swat him away.

Gabe seemed to adore the softness of her stomach and thighs, and he almost got lost in the feel of her body in his huge, paw-like hands. He nosed her thighs apart and licked across her sensitive folds, but when she twitched and grunted at the over-stimulation, he drew back and tilted his head to one side to expose his throat in apology.

“It’s ok,” she smiled. “You didn't hurt me. I wanted you to knot me, and I’m glad you did.”

A long, beautiful groan left him at that, but he gave one more lick across her belly and then stood and walked away to the bathroom. She wondered if Wolf-Gabe would have difficulty processing what he’d need to do in order to get the bath going, but before too long the sound of water hitting the tub reached her ears, and after another few minutes, she felt steady enough to sit upright and swing her legs off the bed. God, she felt tired and she ached beautifully. The sheets beneath her were a complete mess though. She stood shakily just as Gabe nosed the bathroom door back open and padded out on all fours this time, and she ran her fingers over his thick coat as he passed. He licked the outside of her hip and she laughed affectionately before vanishing into the bathroom.

“Bath’s almost ready,” she said a little while later as she stepped out with a towel around her, more for warmth than modesty.

To her surprise, she found that Gabe had returned to his human form while she’d been in there, the sounds of a transformation masked by the running water, and he was now sitting naked on the edge of the bed, his hands in his lap.

“You want to share a bath with me?” she asked. When she didn’t get any reaction from him, she frowned and crossed back to him. “You ok?” she asked, running her fingers through his hair.

He shuddered and exhaled a huge sigh, chest heaving, and he leaned into her touch. “Yeah,” he rasped.

“You didn’t have to shift back for me you know,” she said, wondering what had sent him a little sideways.

“Wanted to,” he said, eyes closed and still leaning the weight of his head into her palm. His voice was hoarse and gruff, and he sounded exhausted.

Odessa took his rough, lovely hands in hers, her towel staying in place with a fortuitously folded corner down her cleavage, and drew him to his feet and then into the bathroom. The water was gloriously hot, and she let him get into the bath first, legs parted so that she could sit between them.

When she sank in and leaned back against his chest, he let out a long, relieved hum of pleasure, and snaked his arms around her middle. He caressed the side of her head with his cheek again, not so much scenting her, she suspected, as just simply enjoying her presence through constant touch.

“I love you,” he whispered into a kiss that he pressed against her hair. “I love you, Odessa. I’m yours.”

The contact anchored them both as they lay in each other’s arms in the hot water, and while his hands began to wander and worship her again, there was none of the charged spark that had driven him to lose control earlier.

He did get valiantly half-hard behind her, but when she nudged her backside against him and hummed a question, he just shook his head. Instead, she let her fingertips play idly along his quads and around his knees, enjoying the feel of his skin and the soft hair on his shins while he cupped her breasts adoringly and pressed his palms across her soft stomach and kissed her over and over.

Drowsy and heavy with contented pleasure, she let him buttress her body up, surrendering completely to his touch.

When his fingers found their way between her legs again, her knees fell open as much as they were able to in the confines of the bath. Despite the heat of the water, she was sore from where Wolf-Gabe had stretched her, but with the warmth and the tenderness of his touch on only her clit and the surrounding, swollen flesh, she found herself sighing into his embrace again. Pleasure overrode any lingering discomfort, and she found herself aching to give him another one.

“Yes?” he asked with reverent surprise as he stilled his index and middle fingers and began kissing the shell of her ear instead, moving slowly down her neck as far as he could reach, raking and biting with blunt teeth until she gasped.  

“Yes,” she breathed, shivering and arching a little to get him to start moving his fingertips again. “Gabe, please…”

With slow, careful circles, he coiled her up again, and when she came it was almost without warning. With her head tipped back against his shoulder, moaning and sighing, and with his mouth on her neck and his fingertips pressed up against her clit on either side, it was so tender and overwhelming she began to cry.

He kissed the tears as they rolled down her cheeks and scented her again, all the while keeping his fingertips unmoving against her, holding her floating in that dreamy, in-between place for as long as she could bear it. Finally she slumped back into him and lay there, exhausted and on the verge of sleep again in the hot water of the bath.

It was only with a great effort of will on both their parts that they hauled themselves out of the tub, and after drying off, Gabe disappeared to fetch some clean bedding from the back of the wardrobe. In the end all they needed was a clean base sheet, since the duvet had been kicked off when he’d shifted, so with that done between them, she wriggled into some pyjamas and Gabe pulled the covers up around her as he climbed in beside her.

She lay facing him, and he curled up on his side too. Together their mirrored bodies almost made up the shape of a heart, though her half was smaller than his. Their knees touched, their foreheads touched, and their hands touched, but it wasn’t enough. She shuffled in close and burrowed against his chest while he rolled onto his back, one arm beneath her head and the other draped loosely across her waist. She slid her right thigh over his left and squeezed, and he kissed the crown of her head.

“Are you really alright?” he asked in a hoarse whisper, his left hand circling idly around her hip and backside. It seemed he couldn’t stop touching her.

“I’m more than alright, Gabe. If you don’t believe me and can’t smell it in my scent, I don’t know how else to convince you.”

He huffed a quick, shy laugh and kissed her forehead. “You smell happy,” he admitted. “And you smell like… mine,” he added, speaking into her hair. The words were so barely-audible that part of her wondered if he’d meant for her to hear them at all.

In the stretch of silence that followed, Odessa got the impression that there was something she was missing in all this; some extra depth to his worry that he wasn’t articulating, but she sighed, too exhausted to untangle it.

“You know,” she said drowsily, struggling to unpick exactly what she felt from the tangle of emotions in her chest. Silently, she blessed him for just lying there, with his thumb making small movements across her hip while he waited. “You make me feel like I’m… I’m the only thing in the whole world that matters to you.”

He swallowed audibly and kissed her forehead. “You are,” he said.

She squeezed him so tightly he actually wheezed and they both laughed. “Stop it,” she snorted, tapping his ribs with her fingertips. “How am I supposed to go home when you say things like that to me?”

He shrugged. “I’ll be here,” he said simply. “I’m yours. I’m not going anywhere.”

And with that simple knowledge tolling through them both like a midnight bell, they drifted off to sleep.

Odessa wasn’t sure where she ended and Gabe began as they lay with their legs intertwined and her torso draped across his, but she did know that she was exactly where she belonged.

__

Oh Gabe...

Next chapter (season finale) -->

Thanks for reading this far in their story, and I hope that you’ll consider reblogging this as well as leaving a like if you enjoyed it, as that will help others find it. One more chapter to go of Season One!

Take care, and I hope you have a lovely day/night wherever you are, and whenever you read this. And since it’s my first story-post of 2023, Happy New Year!

Masterlist | Ko-fi (tip jar)

[kourtniwritesagain]

Too Good to Be Part Two

A/N: Here’s the second part to the Too Good to Be series! There’s one more installment, which I’ll probably post within the next week or so. Part 3 is the longest of all, but I’m tinkering with it still. Hope you enjoy part 2! Also, only seven more days until the movie!!!!! 

There is only one week left of their two-week vacation, and Alex was dreading not seeing Henry every day. Living in two different countries…two different continents, really fucking sucked. Alex wants to make the most of the last seven days he has with Henry. Currently, they’re lounging in a hammock not far from the shore of the lake; Cash not too far from them, but allowing them to have privacy. June and Nora are in the cabin. Alex’s dad is getting more groceries. They’re planning on steaks and potatoes tonight for supper. They’re lounging in the hammock, Henry’s reading a book while idly playing with the hair at the nape of Alex’s neck. Alex tries his hardest to suppress the shivers with each passing stroke. It’s hard, though. And Alex knows that Henry knows because Henry, the dick, is smirking. 

“Something wrong?” Henry asks, looking down at Alex. 

“You’re a dick.” Alex tells him. 

Henry chuckles, a low sound in his throat that makes Alex want to bring out more of those noises…just not at his own expense. 

“It’s only fair I get a little revenge.” Henry replies. “You tortured me a few nights ago.” 

“You loved it.”

Henry says nothing, but Alex looks up at him and can see him blushing prettily. 

“Can’t even deny it, can you?” Alex teases. 

He gets a sharp, ticklish pinch to the nape of his neck for that. 

“HENry!” Alex let out a yelp, his shoulders scrunching up. 

“Be nice, or else there’s more where that came from.” Henry says. 

“You don’t wanna start this with me.” Alex warns as he tries to wriggle out of the hammock. 

“You’re disturbing my reading!” Henry shouts, trying to stay in the hammock. However, Alex has it spinning, and the men fall out, hitting the grass below. Alex fell on top of Henry with an ‘oof’. 

Henry looks stunned for all of three seconds before he narrows his eyes. “You’re in serious trouble.” 

Alex scrambles away and starts running. Cash barely glances his way. He looks utterly bored as Alex runs up to him. 

"Aren't you going to do something?"

"I am paid to protect you from outside threats, not your own stupidity." Cash yawns as he turns a page in the book he’s reading. 

"You're the worst bodyguard ever."

“He’s right behind you.” Cash tells him. 

Alex turns around, and, sure enough, Henry is standing there, looking down at him (damn those extra four inches). 

“Alex.” Henry greets.

“Dick Head.” Alex returns.

Henry tilts his head. “You really have no self-preservation, do you?” 

“I’ve been told that a time or two,” says Alex. “I’ve also been told I’m extremely attractive as well.” 

Henry rolls his eyes, but then grabs Alex by the waist and tackles him to the ground. 

“I’m heading to the porch,” says Cash. “Don’t kill him.”

“Dude! Do your duty to your country and help me from this foreign threat!” Alex is grappling with Henry now, but he’s at a disadvantage as he’s underneath Henry. And Henry plays Polo regularly. He trains for it. And Alex…well, he hits the gym, but it seems like that’s not enough because his hands are pinned with one of Henry’s and despite his tugging, Henry isn’t budging. 

“I know your neck isn’t your only ticklish spot,” Henry says casually. “But I’m unsure of what your other ticklish spots are.” 

“Baby, please!” 

“Pet names will, how did you put it last week, get you nowhere.” Henry responds, but he’s blushing. 

“You’re blushing.” Alex tells him, hoping to distract him somewhat. 

“And you’re about to be laughing.” And with that, Henry is tickling the left side of Alex’s ribs. 

Alex can’t even hold anything in. His ribs are easily his most ticklish spot. He bucks sharply, laughter immediately pouring from his mouth. 

“Hehehenry!” 

“Oh my lord, I had no idea you were this ticklish. Are your ribs your worst spot or something?” 

“Yehes!” Alex laughs, big belly laughter pouring out. He’s tugging furiously on his arms now, trying to protect his ribs as his shirt does nothing to help protect him from the ticklish jolts shooting through his body. Henry is kind of really good at tickling. It’s disconcerting for Alex because he knows his boyfriend isn’t going to be stopping any time soon. 

“This is brilliant.” Henry grins. 

Alex opens his mouth to curse at him again, but Henry hits this spot on his higher ribs that’s right underneath his underarm, and Alex lets out a very high-pitched (and slightly embarrassing) laugh. Alex finally frees his arms and crashes them down to his sides. Henry is undeterred; however, and just worms his other hand to mirror the one currently destroying Alex’s dignity. 

“Shihit!” Alex is laughing hysterically and trying to squirm away. Henry is wiggling a finger or two in between each rib as he concentrates on that awful spot on both sides of his ribs now. The tickling is intense yet gentle. Henry’s not digging in terribly, there’s no pain to it, which can happen with tickling sometimes. Instead, he’s all fingers and scritches and absolute destruction as he works his way up and down Alex’s ribs. 

“How were you able to hide this from me for so long?” Henry asks. “You’re a tickling menace, and my attempts at retaliation usually go sour.”

Alex is trying to gain the upperhand, but he’s losing. Every time he raises his arms to grab Henry’s, the stupidly attractive prince scrabbles his fingers into Alex’s underarms. Henry hasn’t moved away from Alex’s ribs except to hit his underarms. It’s wholly unbearable, and Alex is ready to beg for mercy. Having his most ticklish spot unceasingly wrecked for almost four minutes now (it seems like an hour), is getting to him. 

“Plehehehease! Enough with the rihihibs!” Alex begs. Henry slows his hands, but doesn’t stop tickling. 

“I’ve half a mind to completely ignore that request,” Henry tells him. “However, you saying ‘please’ is something I could get used to.” Henry’s hands move to Alex’s stomach, clawing lightly at the soft spot beneath his belly button. 

“Th-That’s nohot much better!” Alex gets out through his giggles. He’s trying to curl up and protect his stomach, but Henry simply readjusts himself on top of Alex each time. 

“I’m not trying to make it better.” Henry retorts. Alex glances up at him, eyes full of tears of laughter, and even though he’s being tortured, he can’t help but get a trill in his stomach (not due to the tickling) as he views at the gorgeousness that is His Royal Highness. It still shocks Alex that Henry is here...that he fought for Alex...fought for each other.

"Henry, baby, please!"

"You haven't asked me to stop...maybe someone else enjoys this." Henry tells him, still lightly tickling Alex's stomach.

"Sohoho what?" Alex retorts. "T-Tihihickling's fun!"

And it is. Alex isn't shy about it. He loves to tickle people, and he loves to be tickled. He and June had epic tickle fights when they were growing up. Nora wasn't super ticklish, but when they were together (and when they weren't) they, too, had tickle fights. June and Nora often teamed up on Alex, but he didn't mind.

Henry blushes when Alex says the word 'tickling'. His boyfriend enjoyed tickling even more so than Alex, but there was something that held him hostage to slight embarrassment. He was also just a super easy person to fluster. Flustering Henry was Alex's number one job.

Henry finally stops his attack, leans down, and kisses Alex. It's a soft kiss, a slow one. It makes Alex reach up for Henry's head to hold him against his lips. He feels Henry grin before the prince wiggles fingers on his ribs again. Alex barks out a laugh and grabs at Henry's waist, digging his fingers into Henry's hips. Henry immediately falls backwards and laughs.

"Don't forget, you're more ticklish than I am." Alex tells him as he offers his hand to lift Henry to his feet.

"You never let me forget, so I've no doubt I won't." Henry tells him wryly.

Alex pecks Henry's cheeks right as Alex's dad pulls in. "C'mon, let's help the old man with the groceries."

Henry nods and grabs Alex's hand as they walk towards the car.

"By the way, Cash, I'm totally going to get you fired." Alex throws to the Secret Serviceman.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, kid."

Henry laughs, and Alex flips Cash off. There's no heat behind the gesture. And once more, Alex is so thankful for the life he's living.

[shanardo13]

Obikin College Au - RA/Don! Obi-Wan/First Year! Anakin - Part Three

Honestly, at this point I should probably just start writing it, but I keep thinking of little ideas for this au and want to keep track of them, so I present to you: Part Three 😈

Link to Part One

Link to Part Two

At this point, they are becoming inseparable - Ahsoka would say insufferable. Both are applicable.

Whenever Anakin has errands to run, he texts Obi-Wan to come with him. Obi-Wan has started to do the same. Now most of their outings involve running errands for each of them.

Anakin: u free? I gotta hit Walmart and get supplies for my project.

Obi-Wan: yeah I’m free. Think u could get it from staples at the mall instead?

Obi-Wan: I wanna go to Sephora and Hot Topic. Need eyeliner and I wanna look at band shirts.

Anakin: omfg 🙄

Anakin: jk jk that sounds perfect! Meet outside subway station in ten?

Obi-Wan: sounds good!

And then they meet in front of the subway station like they planned.

They both bring earbuds to the subway, so really they could listen to their own music, but they never do. Instead they share a pair and sit huddled up together, taking turns picking songs.

They can both be kind of pretentious with music, so they work well together. Despite their differences, they impress each other with their knowledge and love of the same music.

“Anakin, Wings is leagues better than Plastic Ono Band, and anyone who doesn’t think so is just stupid.”

“Oh, McCartney is just bubblegum pop and we both know it, Obi. At least Lennon had substance.”

“Substance abuse issues, maybe.”

“Can we at least agree that Harrison’s work is significantly underrated?”

“Oh definitely. All Things Must Pass is the best post-Beatles solo album in my opinion.”

“Yes! Thank you! Do you want to listen to it?”

When they get to the mall, they immediately head to their favourite little coffee shop in the centre of the food court. Obi-Wan always buys, so Anakin usually makes it up to him by finding him a little gift.

“You just want your regular?”

“Obi-Wan, I’ve told you numerous times. I can afford my own coffee. You don’t have to buy it for me.”

“Shut up, I want to.” He turns to the employee and repeats their drink orders. “And a strawberry danish please!”

They sit in the food court while they drink their beverages and Anakin eats his danish, conversation flowing endlessly. Lots of inside jokes and giggles are shared. Then they continue on with their shopping.

They go to staples first, as Obi-Wan has dubbed it the ‘not-fun’ part of their trip.

“Anakin, you’re getting office supplies for a school project. Boring! Let’s get it out of the way first!”

“Okay, fine.” Anything for you! Literally anything you ask, any time, I would say yes. I’m at your mercy

They grab what Anakin needs at Staples and then head to Sephora.

Obi-Wan spends far too long sifting through various shades of black eyeliner. They all look the same.

“Anakin, which is better? ‘Midnight’ or ‘Jet Black’?” He holds up two pencils.

Anakin studies them. He tries really hard to spot a difference between them and to subsequently make a decision.

“Uhh… I guess, ‘Midnight’ ?” He suggests, pointing to ‘Jet Black’.

Afterwards they head to Hot Topic to look at the band shirts. This has both of them captivated.

“Anakin, it’s buy three get the fourth free. If we each pick two we can get the deal and then just split the cost for the rest.”

“Yes, Obi-Wan, I understand. But what if we each picked four?”

“You don’t need four new shirts!!!”

They settle on each getting two. When Anakin buys Obi-Wan a cool chain necklace with a scorpion on it that he had been eyeing, it’s only as a repayment for the coffee. Nothing else.

When Obi-Wan buys Anakin a pair of dangly sword earrings, it’s only because he thinks they would look really good on Anakin and he’s not too bashful to admit it. He wasn’t going to spend any time thinking about what that might mean.

“Please put them on! They totally suit you!”

“Oh fine!” Anakin obliges. They’re in the washroom after leaving Hot Topic. He puts the earrings on, as Obi-Wan watches him in the mirror.

“See! You look hot, Ani.”

“Oh, fuck off.” He mutters, blushing a fierce red as the two of them maintain eye contact in the mirror. You can’t just say something like that and expect me to be normal about it!

So Anakin walks around the mall, sword earrings proudly on display.

They go to Indigo because Obi-Wan is an English major and is passionate about literature. He wants to buy a book for Anakin to read so they can talk about it.

“I think you’ll really like Slaughterhouse-Five. Vonnegut is a very satirical author, and I think you’ll appreciate his dark sense of humour. Plus, it has science fiction elements! He uses aliens and a warped concept of time to highlight the trauma and impact of war. You’ll love it!”

“It sounds cool! I’ll give it a go!”

Anakin likely would have never picked it up on his own, but the way Obi-Wan’s eyes lit up and the pace of his speech quickened as he spoke with great passion about the novel made it entirely worth reading.

After the mall, they go to the park together. They sit down at a spot under a tree. Obi-Wan leans against the tree. He grabs a journal from his book bag and begins writing in it - just lil poems and thoughts. Definitely not about Anakin.

Anakin stretches out and rests his head on Obi-Wan’s lap. He starts reading the copy of ‘Slaughterhouse-Five’ that Obi-Wan bought for him.

They sit there for a long time in silence, each focusing on their own task but enjoying each others company.

Eventually Obi-Wan stops writing, putting his journal away in his bag.

The sun is starting to set, and as he glances down at Anakin, he notices how it highlights his features.

He notices the warmth of his skin brightened by the light - the gold of his curls enunciated in the glow.

He reaches down and rakes his fingers through the curls as Anakin continues reading.

“Thank you for today. Trips like this mean everything to me.” You mean everything to me.

Anakin stops where he’s reading and folds the corner of the page. Obi-Wan winces - he would never damage a book like that.

Anakin looks up at him, leaning into the fingers in his hair, practically purring. It’s enough to stop Obi-Wan from cursing him for folding the pages of a book.

“Of course, Obi. Things are always more fun with you.” He hums.

Obi-Wan smiles down at him, giving his scalp light scratches. I’m not thinking about kissing him.

“You’re like a little cat.” He ruffles his locks before pulling his hand away. He gives Anakin’s nose a boop.

Anakin huffs and pulls himself into a sitting position so they’re face to face. He stares at Obi-Wan for a moment, a devilish grin spreading across his face.

Suddenly, he stands up, reaching for Obi-Wan’s hand. “C’mon.” He says.

“Oh, what now?” Obi-Wan groans and grabs the offered hand, allowing himself to be pulled up.

“You’re going to buy me ice cream from the stand over there!” Anakin beams, interlocking their fingers and pointing to an ice cream cart in the distance.

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes but can’t control the smile tugging at his lips.

And so they go to the cart. Obi-Wan buys Anakin an ice cream cone. He wouldn’t do it if it didn’t make him happy - or rather, if it didn’t make Anakin happy which in turn made him happy.

As Anakin devours the cone they make their way back to the subway station. Their hands stay intertwined the entire way.

Mindlessly, Obi-Wan rubs his thumb up and down against Anakin’s palm.

All in all, it was quite a perfect day.

I promise at some point I’ll actually start writing this - I can’t promise I won’t post more of these before that though. 😎

[fandomgirlz01]

Don’t Leave Me Pt. 1

Marcus Pike X Reader

Imagine on my fandom instagram?: No

Prompt?: No

Request?: No

Requested prompt?: No

Edited: Yes

Word count: 5,153

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings here

You can listen to the story be read out loud here {Coming Soon}.

Post Date: May 28th 2023

Post Time: 3:16 pm

Summary: Together Marcus and the reader lead their team through a case. They get ambushed by part of Marcus’ past which makes the reader start to question things, but something goes wrong while they're out in the field. 

Third Person Pov:

After the whole Teresa thing and moving to D.C., Marcus had tried so hard not to get into other relationships, but then he met y/n. It was only about three weeks after everything and he’d still been feeling heartbroken– but who wouldn’t when a relationship fails as bad as it did? He’d walked into work that morning and the day went as normal as usual, until later when he was getting ready to go home. 

He remembers it like it was yesterday, when in reality it’s now been almost four years. He had just finished packing up his bag, getting ready to turn out the light on his desk as his phone went off. It was his boss asking for him to come to his office. 

Marcus’ Pov: *Flashback* 

“Marcus, would you please come to my office? I have something important to discuss with you,” my boss's voice floods over the phone and I sigh as I move my hand from the lamp to the phone. 

“I’ll be right there, sir,” I promise him as I hold down the button that lets me reply to him before letting go. 

I wait a moment to see if there’s any response, but it stays quiet. I grab my bag, switch off the light on my desk, and start to walk to my boss’s office. 

I take the elevator to his floor, walk down a few halls, then start to walk up to the door and go to open it. 

“Hold on, Marcus. Mr. Hudson is in a meeting,” Destiny, his secretary, stops me in my tracks. 

“Oh really? He called me in to see him,” I tell her and she shakes her head, smiling at me. 

“He did? He didn’t inform me. Hold on, let me page him and see,” she tells me. I nod and put my hands in my pockets. 

“Mr. Hudson?” she questions as she presses the page button down. 

“What is it, Destiny?” he responds and she looks back up at me. 

“Marcus is here. I wasn’t too sure if you wanted me to send him in or not,” she replies and there’s a pause as she waits. 

“Yes. Yes. Send him in,” he responds before we can hear him release the page button. 

“Ok, Marcus, you heard him. Go right on in,” she tells me as she waves me off to the door. 

“Ok. Thanks,” I reply before taking a step forward and opening the door. 

I pop my head in and leave a little knock on the door. Mr. Hudson pauses as he looks away from someone who’s sitting in the right chair in front of his desk. 

“Ahh, Marcus. Come in, come in. Take a seat,” he tells me as he motions to the left chair. 

“Uhh, ok. Is there something wrong, sir?” I ask him and he shakes his head with a small smile.

“Nothing's wrong, my boy. I just wanted to introduce you to your new partner. She just landed half an hour ago and will be starting on with you tomorrow,” he informs and I nod, even though I’m very shocked. 

“Y/n, this is Marcus, Marcus, this is y/n. Your new partner,” Mr. Hudson introduces us.

I am immediately in awe when I see the girl sitting beside me. She smiles and says something before holding her hand out to me. I shake out of my daze and give her a confused look. 

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I ask and she lets out a giggle that sounds heavenly to my ears, making it easily become my new favorite melody.

“I said, hi. I’m y/n,” she reiterates and I again shake my head. 

“Right. I’m sorry, I’m Marcus. It’s nice to meet you. I’ve just had a really long day,” I reply as I reach out and shake her hand. 

“It’s ok. Really, I get it,” she promises me with a soft smile that makes my hands feel a little clammy, but I ignore it and remember my pact I made with myself when moving here. 

“Don’t take this as an insult,” I comment as I take a quick look at y/n and she shakes her head. “But sir, why do I need a partner? I thought we said I wouldn’t need to have one. That I’d be head of department,” I reiterate what we talked about before my move. 

“We did, but I just thought that you have so much to do that it could possibly take some off of your back. Don’t worry you're still head, she’s just here to take a little pressure off,” he explains as he gestures to her and I shake my head in denial. 

“There’s not too much for me to do,” I petulantly argue even when I know he’s right. 

“Marcus, my boy… not to add insult to injury, but you look tired and overwhelmed. You’ve only been here three weeks and you’re already behind,” he explains, pausing to give me a quick questioning look. 

“I’m not overwhelmed…” I again argue and he sighs, shaking his head. 

“Look, Marcus. You are and I see that. This is your new partner and that’s final. She’s only here to help you. Came just to do that. Please let her help you,” he begs me and I sigh reluctantly. 

“Ok. I guess,” I agree and Mr. Hudson grins. 

“Great! She starts tomorrow morning. You’ll be sharing an office, so don’t be surprised if there’s an extra desk in there in the morning,” he adds on and I see y/n smile an award-winning smile. 

“I’m excited to get started, sir. Thank you so much for the opportunity. I won’t let you down,” she promises him and I frown at the way she says it. 

It’s almost like she’s making a point known as she says it and he just hums while nodding. She quickly goes to get up, but Mr. Hudson stops her by holding his hand out. 

“Hold on, y/n, we’re not done here. Marcus, you can go,” he informs me and I nod before getting up. 

“It was so nice to meet you, Marcus. I hope we can grow a good friendship,” she sweetly tells me and I can’t help but smile at her. 

“It was nice meeting you too, y/n. Me too, you seem sweet. I’m sure we’ll get along great. See you tomorrow,” I reply warmly and she smiles up at me, making my stomach do flips. I quickly push the feeling aside as I so desperately try not to ruin the pact I made with myself after moving here. 

~End of Flashback~ 

Marcus’ Pov:

I sit leaning back in my office chair as we work on the case we’ve been vigorously working on for almost a week. After being in the office for a few hours I can’t help but let my thoughts wander. I think over the last four years and I smile when y/n —who’s now my girlfriend— lets out a sigh while rubbing her face. 

After she became my partner, it took a while for us to get to know one another —because I so obviously closed myself off after Teresa— but eventually y/n got me to open up, making us become closer and closer until finally I asked her out. She got me to open up in ways I never had before. I eventually told her all about Teresa and we both agreed to take things slowly. Never did I imagine this is where we’d be almost four years later. 

“Knock, knock,” Ezra Bradford, our tech person, announces as she stands in the door frame. She pops her head in, breaking me out of my daze down memory lane. 

“What’s up, Ez?” I ask as and y/n and I look up at her.  

“We caught the money trail. We found them…” she tells us and I look at y/n, who looks at me in almost excitement. 

“Well, where does it lead to?” Y/n asks and Ezra takes a hesitant pause. 

“Well, that’s the thing. It leads back to Texas,” Ezra hesitantly tells us and y/n's excitement quickly fades away. 

“Welp, I guess this means we’re going to Texas,” I point out with a shrug and y/n sighs. 

“Ok. We’re going to Texas. Marc, do you wanna contact them? Or should I?” Y/n asks me and I shrug as I stand from my chair, stretching out a bit. 

“Either way. Come on, I’ll drive,” I tell her as I reach forward and grab the keys off her desk. 

She lazily stands up, looking like the epitome of tired and lets out an exhausted huff. I chuckle before pulling her into my side. We walk out of the room, coming to a stop just in the hall of the office we share before closing the door up and locking it. I then turn and pull y/n back into my side, swaying with her lightly as I look back at Ezra over y/n’s shoulder. 

“You can tell the boss, yeah?” I ask Ezra, giving her a questioning look and she nods. 

“Yeah. I’ll have him get the jet ready for you too,” Ezra agrees with a firm nod before pushing her glasses up. 

“Can you send the presentation to me, please, Ezra?” Y/n asks her and Ezra nods in agreement again. 

“Sleepy?” I ask as I look down at y/n, who’s now cuddled into my side and she nods tiredly as she lets out a very small yawn. 

“It’s been a very long week,” she bemoans and I agree with a soft hum as I leave a kiss at her temple. 

“Well, you can sleep on the plane,” I tell her and she nods again as she lets out a very quiet hum of agreement. 

“Alright, we’ll hopefully see you in a few days, Ez,” I tell her as I look back up at her over y/n’s shoulder again and she nods. 

“Go get the bad guys. I can send over whatever information you guys need to Texas’ tech guy. Just say the words and I’ll do it,” she promises and with that, she gives us a small goodbye and scurries off. 

“I’ll contact Abbott right now,” Y/n comments, using her phone to send a message to Abbott as she continues to tiredly walk beside me. 

We start down the first hall of many halls we have to go down to get to the car garage as I guide —more like pull— y/n with me. We walk a few more minutes before coming up to the parking garage, then walk the four rows of vehicles and find our SUV that we share. Her phone pings as I unlock the doors and she gets into her seat while looking at it. 

“Abbott says they’ll be happy to help. He’ll inform the team and we can brief them when we get there,” she informs me and I nod as I start the car. 

“Babe. You want your sunglasses?” she asks me as she holds them up and I turn with a smile at her as she gracefully smirks at me. 

“You know me better than myself,” I tell her and she smiles, giggling softly and putting her head against the headrest. She gives me an endearing look that makes me grin back at her. 

“Of course. I mean, we have been partners for almost four years now…” she jokingly rolls her eyes and I snicker at her. 

“And you’ve been more then my partner since I met you,” I tell her with a soft look, crossing my features.

“Awe, Marc. That’s so sweet, babe. You’ve been so much more to me too. I love you,” she replies with a grin that makes my heart soar. 

“I love you too, baby,” I parrot her softly as I lean across the center console and give her a peck on the lips. 

“Go bags are in the back, right?” she asks me after I pull away and I nod as I finally take my sunglasses from her hand. 

“Ok. Well, let’s get this show on the road then,” she says jokingly and I chuckle. 

I shake my head as I turn and start the SUV. Once it’s up and running, I make quick work of pulling out of our spot before driving us out of the parking garage. I drive for a while before finally pulling up to the private FBI airport and park. 

After parking, I look over at y/n to see that she’s asleep. I smile fondly before getting out of the car and going around to her side. I open her door and lightly rub her leg. 

“Hmmm, Marc, don't wake me, not yet,” she whispers out and I chuckle, shaking my head. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you have to. We have to get on the Jet, then you can go right back to sleep,” I tell her and she groans, shaking her head. 

“Come on, honey. Just think of it. The faster you get on the plane, the faster we can try my favorite breakfast place in Texas. You know the one I’ve told you all about?” I bargain with her and she groans again. 

“You mean the one with the awesome pancakes?” she asks softly and I nod. 

“Yup. The one with all the different pancake flavors. I bet you’ll end up with the banana blueberry,” I exaggerate while bouncing my eyebrows at her. 

Intrigued, she sits up and looks down at me, raising an eyebrow. I laugh and help her out of the car.

“Marcus Mario Pike, the hell is so funny?” she asks with a scowl that only makes me laugh a little harder. 

“Nothing, honey. Nothing at all,” I tell her as I reach up and smooth out her hair for her. 

“Awe, I had sleepy head again, didn’t I?” she asks with a pout as I pull my hand back with a soft smile crossing my face. 

“Yes you did, but I find it rather cute,” I respond and she huffs, crossing her arms. 

“Cute, my butt. Marcus, I am not cute when my hair is all frizzy and sticking up in the air,” she argues as I walk to the back of the SUV and open the trunk with her trailing after me. 

“Oh, but sweetheart, that is where you are dead wrong,” I argue back as I pull our go bags out of the back before closing the trunk. 

“I really don’t get how you see my half-dead asleep looks cute,” she snorts out in amusement and I smile as we both turn to start towards the jet. 

“I find everything about you cute, sweetheart. Just accept that nothing about you is even remotely close to anything else in my eyes,” I tell her and she stops to  scoff, shaking her head as she crosses her arms. 

“I will never understand you, Marcus,” she huffs and I smile, chuckling before pulling her into my side as I leave a kiss on the side of her forehead. 

“Yes. But you love me and as you always point out, always will,” I joke with her as we start walking towards the jet now. 

“Well, you got me there. I have no comeback for that one,” she admits and I burst out laughing as we finally come up to the jet. 

“Sir. Ma’am,” the pilot smiles before stepping aside and gesturing to the open jet door. 

“After you, ma’am,” he says with a flirty smile directed at y/n and I feel red hot anger take over, but shove it down. 

“Thank you. Marc, baby, sit with me?” she asks as she turns to me and I smile. 

“Of course, babe. I’ll always sit next to you,” I tell her and she grins, almost beaming as she pulls me into the jet. 

She pulls me in and I put our go packs down as she picks a place to sit before pulling me down in the chair next to her. She then cuddles up to me and I wrap my arm around her shoulder as the pilot now walks in. 

“Ok. I’m going to get started with take off. All I ask is that you two be buckled for the ascent, and then when we’re in the air you can roam around all you want,” the pilot explains as if we haven’t done this before, but I just nod in agreement to appease him. 

“Ok. I hope you enjoy the flight,” he says with a grimace as he slowly backs away before turning around and disappearing behind the door of the cockpit. 

“Well, that was awkward…” y/n whispers and I let out another laugh as I rub her arm. 

“Yes, it was,” I agree with her and she hums sleepily. 

“I love you Marcus, don’t you forget it. It’s no one else for me,” she tells me as she nuzzles onto my neck, making me chuckle as it tickles, but I gladly welcome it. 

“And I love you too, sweetheart. It’s no one else for me either,” I parrot her and she smiles softly as she pulls the blanket off the back of the chair. 

“I’m going to get some sleep. You should too, babe,” she tells me as she closes her eyes and I snuggle her into my side. 

“I think I may just do that,” I hum in agreement as sleep slowly starts to take me over. 

I wake up and look around with my eyes squinted in confusion for a moment, before fully remembering where I am. I look at the clock that’s up on the wall and deduce that I only slept for an hour out of the three hour flight. I rub at my tired eyes with my free hand before reaching into my pocket and pulling my phone out. 

Y/n subconsciously snuggles farther into my side, making me smile as I look down at her. I lightly rub her arm for a moment, hoping it’ll lull her back into a deeper sleep before turning back to my phone. I use my phone for a while before I get pulled out of my thoughts when the pilot's door opens. 

“I just wanted to inform you that we are about to land in Texas,” he tells me and I nod at him. 

“Thank you,” I reply to him and he nods once more before heading back to the cockpit. 

I turn my head to look back at y/n, who still sleeps soundly against my side. I move my shoulder a bit, making it nudge her and she groans before just going back to sleep. I softly nudge her again and she groans again before frowning. 

“Marc, what?” she mutters out in a grumpy tone, making me smile. 

“I hate to do this to you again, sweetheart, but we’re about to land,” I tell her softly and she groans as she finally opens her eyes. 

“Man. I’m so tired lately. Don’t know why,” she comments as she sits up. 

“I know. After this case, we should take some time off. Get you rested up,” I propose and she hums softly as she gives me a tired look. 

“That sounds nice, babe,” she agrees and I smile softly at her. 

I quickly pull her into my side again and leave a kiss on her forehead before she nuzzles into my neck. We stay cuddled up until we’ve fully landed and stand up. I grab our go packs as the door to the jet opens. 

Together we walk off the jet and to the car they have waiting for us. I grab the keys from the guy who holds them out for me and give him a thank you as I slap his shoulder. He gives me a nod and smile before walking off. 

I get into the driver's seat and y/n already sits in the passenger seat. She gives me a huge smile before I start the car up. 

“Do you remember the way there or do you want me to put it in the navi?” Y/n asks me and I shake my head as I turn the blinker on to pull out of the airport parking lot. 

“I think I got it, babe. Thanks, though,” I tell her and she nods before sitting back in her seat. 

“I’ll get the briefing presentation loading up. Ezra should have sent it over,” y/n tells me as she pulls her laptop out. 

“I’m sure she did. Ezra’s very thorough,” I add and she grins. 

“That she is,” she agrees with me. 

I drive for a while longer and before I know it, I’m pulling into the parking garage of my old work office. I pull into the parking lot and park before turning the car off. Y/n quickly unbuckles and starts getting out of the car. 

I, however, freeze as I realize who I’m going to have to see when I walk in. Y/n seems to notice that I’m not getting out and opens her door again. She slides back in and gently puts a hand on my bicep, but it still makes me jump as it pulls me out of my daze. 

“Marcus, are you okay? If you can’t do this, I can handle it. You go get the hotel that I’m sure we’re going to need,” she tells me and I shake my head. 

“No. I’m not leaving you alone to deal with my ex-fiancé,” I inform her and she smiles softly at me. 

“Marcus. If you can’t go in, that’s okay, baby. I can do it. It’d be hard, but I’m sure I’d be fine,” she again tries and I shake my head again. 

“No. No. I just needed a moment. I’m okay. I’ll come in with you,” I promise her and she smiles. 

“Ok. If you’re really sure, my love. Let’s go,” she agrees with a soft nod before getting back out of the car. 

I sigh once at the thought of how lucky I have gotten and shake my head before getting out of the car myself. I meet her around the back of the car and open the trunk door. I pull my go bag out and she grabs hers before putting it on her shoulder as I do mine. 

She goes around the car on her side and heads for the building with me right behind her. She stops at the front of the car to look at the building before looking at me. 

“We do this together, yeah?” she asks me as she holds her hand out for mine. 

“Together,” I agree with a smile as I grab her hand. 

With one last smile from her, we walk through the door. The door monitor stands when he sees us as he asks for IDs and we both pull them out. He looks over them for a second before stepping to the side and nodding as he motions for us to move on. 

We walk farther in and soon I’m walking down familiar hallways. I show y/n where to go as we hit the first floor. 

“Did Abbott tell you where he was meeting us or where to meet up with him?” I ask her as we walk and she turns to look at me. 

“He said to come to his office and he’ll do the rest from there. Said you’d know where to go?” she tells me and I nod. 

“Yup, I know exactly where it is. Maybe we’ll get lucky and not run into anyone on the way,” I respond to her and she smiles, squeezing my hand. 

I then lead her through the building and to the elevator. I press the button to Abbott’s floor and lean back against the rail. She cuddles into my side and I put my arm around her. 

Once the elevator comes to a stop, we wait a moment for the doors to open. After they do, we walk through them and into the big room. We look around all the desks, but nobody seems to look up so I just quickly start to lead her down the hall to Abbott’s office. 

“This place is so huge. Definitely more beautiful than our office. I see why you liked working here,” y/n comments as she looks around while we walk. 

We soon come up to Abbott’s door and I leave a knock on it. We wait just a few minutes before we hear him tell us to come in. With one last squeeze of y/n’s hand, I reach out and open the door before walking in. 

“Ahhh, Marcus. It’s so good to see you again. How’ve you been?” Abbott asks as he looks up from his desk as we walk in. 

“Good, good. This is y/n, my partner and girlfriend,” I tell him as I introduce y/n while pointing at her. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. Marcus, you picked a beautiful girl,” Abbott politely gives an affirmation to y/n that makes her smile. 

“Thank you, sir, but I wouldn’t say I picked her. More like she picked me,” I comment and y/n blushes. 

“No one picked anyone, we simply were made to meet one another,” she tells me and I smile before pulling the seat out for her. 

“Of course we were, sweetheart,” I tell her as I sit in the other seat. 

“Well, Marcus, how can we help you?” Abbott asks with a smile as he changes the subject. 

“Well, sir. We need your team to help us find a group of guys that stole a very important piece of work from the Washington museum. We tracked them here and need to get to them before they trade the piece,” I explain and he nods. 

“Do you have everything you need to brief them ready?” he asks and y/n nods. 

“Yes. I loaded it up on the way here. All I need is your tech person to help show me how to connect it to your database,” y/n replies and Abbott nods as he picks his phone up off the receiver. 

“Jason, I need you in briefing,” Abbott talks through the phone and he nods, humming before putting the phone down again. 

“Jason is on his way. He’ll show you how to connect. I’ll contact the team and have them all meet in briefing,"Abbott informs us with a light smile and y/n nods before standing up. 

“Thank you, sir,” she tells him with a smile and I stand up alongside her. 

“Come on, sweetheart. I know the way to briefing,” I tell her as I put a hand on her back as I guide her out of the room. 

We walk out of his office and straight to the briefing room right across from it. As we walk in, Jason stands there with a smile that grows wider when he sees me. 

“Agent Pike! So good to see you again,” he tells me before holding a hand out for a shake. 

“And you, agent Wylie, how've you been, buddy?” I ask him as I shake his hand. 

“Busy as always, how have you been in Washington?” he questions and I smile. 

“Life’s been going pretty good. By the way, this is my partner and girlfriend, y/n,” I introduce y/n, putting a hand on her back. 

“Oh that’s great news, how long have you two been together?” Jason asks with a smile at y/n. 

“Four years in a week,” y/n proudly tells him and my face falls. 

“That’s next week? Honey, I’m glad you said something now. I almost forgot,” I tell her and she playfully rolls her eyes at me. 

“Marcus, baby, it’s ok. I understand, we’ve been working on this case so much lately. It’d be hard not to forget what day or week it is with how much we’ve been in office the last few weeks,” she tells me as she squeezes my arm softly, making me smile. 

“I truly don’t deserve this girl,” I joke with Jason and he laughs. 

“Ok. What is it you guys need?” Jason asks and y/n smiles. 

“Can you show me how you guys connect your computers to the main screen?” Y/n questions as she holds her computer out to him. 

“Sure! I’d love to!” Jason replies as he takes her computer. 

“It's really simple. All you do is come over to the podium here and take this cord. Then just plug it in,” he tells her while showing her as I sit on the front table and she smiles enthusiastically. 

“Wow, that’s so much simpler then what we have,” she comments and he looks at her, shocked. 

“But you're DC. Isn’t DC like the highest building? Shouldn’t they have, like super advanced technology?” he asks and she giggles, shaking her head. 

“You would think they did,” but unfortunately they do not,” I add on and y/n nods. 

“It’s actually the worst. It always crashes and fails,” y/n explains and Jason shakes his head. 

“And the higher ups don’t fix it?” he asks, making y/n laugh again. 

“Nope. They care more about what’s in their offices than ours,” she answers him and he sighs. 

“Dang, that sounds annoying,” he comments and y/n nods. 

“Oh it most definitely is, but we love the job so we make it work,” I tell him with a shrug and he smiles. 

“Well, at least you love it. That’s gotta count for something, right?” he asks and y/n nods, smiling. 

“Oh it most definitely does,” she tells him before a throat clears from behind me. 

I turn around to see who it is and in the time I’ve been here, I really had forgotten about why I had been apprehensive to come back. That is, until now. My face falls at the site of Patrick and Lisbon holding hands as they look over us. For a split second, I freeze and just stare behind me as I look them over, noticing shiny rings on their fingers. 

I stay frozen, unable to move or speak as I look over at the girl I once loved now with someone else. It’s then when I feel another hand grab onto mine that I snap back to earth and turn to see y/n. She smiles softly up at me and suddenly all my anger washes away. I squeeze her hand to let her know I’m fine. 

I give her a questioning look and she nods subtly. So with one last sigh I close my eyes before turning to them and opening them to look at them again. 

“Patrick, Theresa,” I greet them with a small curt nod. 

To Be Continued…

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[unrequitedloveletter]

you’re laying waste to halloween- give me a trope or an AU (soulmates, best friends to lovers, etc.)  and a character, and I’ll write a fic for it that’ll be 1-8000 words in length. (you can let me know how long you want the fic to be, and if you want it on the longer side, the more specific you get about details and settings and specifics about the AU, the better!)

best friends to lovers with kaz?? maybe they grew up together and go through everything side by side and we just see their relationship grow deeper and deeper until their practically married

To The End- Kaz Brekker

Okay! Hi! First off, I'm so sorry that this took ages!! I wanted to have it written and out by Wednesday of last week but then my brain decided to nitpick the way that I'd written it by that time to high fucking hell. A storm hit late friday and we had a power outage as well, so I only had the chance to get this done at around 9:30 as of saturday, and it's being posted about three-ish hours later!! I hope that the length of this fic (a bit over 7000 words) makes up for how late this is :)

I did take it in a bit of a different direction than what you'd requested. and if you want me to rewrite, please go ahead and let me know, I'll definitely do so!

I do have Kaz and the reader touch in this fic, but that’s at the end of the fic and it’s after Kaz has worked on his touch aversion. 

Fic type- fluff

Warnings- mentions of homelessness and a few mentions that the reader grew up homeless, depictions of alcohol and alcohol consumption, mentions of crimes such as arson and theft, and a mention of cheating, as well as a few mentions of water and the way that it behaves in relation to Kaz's trauma

SEVENTEEN

As Kaz’s gaze moved to the water, head inclined to it with his exhaustion, he couldn’t help but notice your footsteps. They were one of many sounds on the boat as the sun rose and people woke with the knowledge that the shores of Ketterdam were barely fifteen minutes off, but Kaz had been able to recognize your footsteps for eight years by that point. It was habitual, and at seventeen, there was no undoing it.

The heist you’d gotten back from was one that quite literally took a night and a morning. As the boat approached Ketterdam shores, there was forty-five minutes left to sunrise, at minimum. Everyone had slept through the day to compensate, and while Kaz had tried, he’d gotten four hours and called it a night.

“You were out here when I left,” you said as you joined him, standing on his left. You rested a cup of coffee onto the boat railing, and Kaz took it, the two of you moving like clockwork. “Tell me that you slept, Brekker. Even for a minute.”

“Four hours. More than I’ve gotten since we left.”

He looked at you, watching you shrug as he put the coffee mug on the railing. You took it, holding the warm mug as you spoke.

“I can’t judge,” you said. “Barely got enough of it myself, but I always get antsy on the returning trips. Trouble always awaits.” You took a sip of the coffee, placing it on the railing. Kaz took it, and when you moved, resting your back against the railing and allowing it to face the water, your eyes on his as you moved.

“Back in Ketterdam,” you said. “I’ve missed it here.” It’d been a long few weeks, to say the least of it. After the Ice Court, you’d pulled a heist in The Wandering Isle, having gotten the information through a contact you had there.

“We all have,” Kaz said. “You, especially, it seems. We’ll get the money upon our arrival?”

You glanced at shore, nodding as a grin pricked the edges of your lips. “I see the contact. They’re ready to make the exchange, if a bit antsy about it.”

“Fourteen million kruge on their person, I can imagine one would be a bit startled by it, especially so close to the Barrel,” Kaz answered. “Worth it haul, I would say. Especially when you consider the amount of jewelry, but never again will I travel so far as the Wandering Isle for a heist.”

You turned your gaze to him, smiling at him as you did. “You would,” you quipped, and damnit, you were right. For the right price, Kaz was entirely sure that he would be willing to go to any small corner of the world, even if it took him months to manage to get there.

The two of you stood, side by side, as the boat docked. Kaz finished his coffee, and shortly thereafter, the seven of you—yourself, plus Kaz, Inej, Nina, Matthias, Jesper, and Wylan—were off the boat. You shook hands with your contact, they bid a good day, and while the seven of you headed toward the Crow Club to split the rewards, your contact moved toward the warehouse district and Sixth Harbor, where a boat waited to take them to the Wandering Isle.

As you all arrived at the Crow Club, heading toward a booth at the back, greetings were tossed at you as Rotty clapped you on the shoulder, victorious smile on his face as he joined up.

“Alls well and good?” He asked.

“The heist went off with—” Nina stopped, scooting in next to you in the U-shaped booth. “Well, fewer hitches than the Ice Court.” Matthias followed Nina, then Jesper and Wylan. Inej and Kaz were the last ones in the booth, Kaz sitting at one end while you sat at the other.

“Well and good, Rotty,” you gave him a grin. “Seriously. Don’t worry too much about it.” With the words, Rotty walked away, heading into a loud conversation with a few of the club regulars.

“So, when’s the next job?” Jesper asked. Inej snorted.

“We’ve just gotten back,” she noted. Kaz watched as you waved a waiter over, ordering drinks and food for the table. “Are you so anxious to commit another international crime? Are the two we’ve managed in the past six months not enough?”

Jesper didn’t answer, merely pressing a kiss to Wylans head, purposefully ignoring the jab. Later, Nina and Inej sparked a conversation that took the attention of the whole table. When food and drinks came, the chatter only continued. There was so much of it, in fact, that it allowed you to slip away without it being noticed by anyone else.

Except for Kaz, of course. Kaz had known you eight years, and in those eight years, he’d made a habit out of noticing.

He let Inej know he’d see her, Nina, Matthias, Wylan and Jesper back at the Slat, leaving the briefcase in Inejs care before heading out, leaving through a back door and making sure his cane wasn’t heard as he walked. Nobody would notice someone they couldn’t hear, and having nobody aside from the Crows know that Kaz had left would be better for the club, anyway. Kaz’s presence was intimidating, one that most were terrified of, and when they assumed he was around, it kept the patrons of the club from cheating, or assuming that an employee wouldn’t notice and alert Kaz to it.

He let his cane be heard as he left the Crow Club, rounding the building and being careful to duck out of view from any windows. He checked the Slat, with no luck. He checked Wylan and Jespers place, not finding you there, either.

It hit him suddenly; he’d seen you leave the booth, not the building. He would’ve known if you’d left the building. As much as Kaz enjoyed your company, you had your predictable moments. Kaz could often count on you to be sitting on rooftops, enjoying the sounds of the wind as it blew past your ears.

He went into the Crow Club once more, making his way up to the roof, and—yeah. You stood, facing the direction of the breeze. Your back was to him.

Wordlessly, Kaz approached, standing to your right without saying anything. He didn’t object to look down, merely looked at the Ketterdam skyline from the vantage point provided by the roof.

“Hi,” you said after a moment. “I’m sorry I disappeared.”

“I found you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” you said. When Kaz turned his head to look at you, he saw that you were almost smiling. “You always manage to, Brekker. Have you started doubting yourself?”

“Eight years as your closest friend? This last one spent—well—” As your partner? As a couple? Kaz couldn’t figure out how to say it. “No. At this point, in regards to you, doubt is not a word in my vocabulary.”

You did smile that time.

“Good to know.”

Silence lapsed between you two, your eyes looking over the skyline of Ketterdam, dotted with buildings before giving way to the water, the shadowy outlines of boats as they docked and left the harbor. Sunset had started, dousing the sky in pastel blues, purples, yellows and oranges, and still, even as beautiful as it was, Kaz found that he couldn’t tear his gaze away from you.

“Wonderful, isn’t it?” You asked, eyes still on the skyline.

“Yeah,” Kaz agreed, nodding even though you wouldn’t notice it.

“Seriously, Kaz. It’s fucking gorgeous,” you said. “I come up to the roof for this view, normally late enough that I go unnoticed, but it’s wonderful to have someone to share this with.”

Kaz nodded again, eyes still not having moved to the skyline. “It’s incredible, actually,” he said, eyes only watching your expression.

When you turned to look at him, Kaz quickly brought his eyes to the skyline, fighting off the urge to grin as he did. He could feel your eyes as you watched him, felt it as they moved to the ground and back to him again.

“I have to agree with your words,” you said after a moment. “Incredible really does describe this view perfectly.” But you were still staring at him, still watching his features as he watched the skyline, noticed boats as they came into Ketterdam or left it.

Silences between the two of you were comfortable. They’d always been comfortable, easy and not difficult like silences often were with others.

“We should get back inside,” Kaz said as the darkness took the sky over. “They’ve noticed our absences by now, I guarantee it.”

You gave him a grin, the two of you heading back into the Crow Club together as you did.

-

The following morning, Kaz woke to the sound of the rain. He pressed his head into the pillow, kept his eyes closed and took in the smell of coffee and the sound of your voice as you hummed an old Ravkan tune and it carried through his office, past the small archway leading to his room, and finally met his ears.

Kaz sat up, running a hand through his hair before grabbing his cane and moving throughout the room. First, to grab clothes and a towel, then to shower. Once he was done and dressed, his hair in the process of air drying, he found himself in his office.

“You’re in quite the chipper mood,” he noted as he watched you take the teabag out of the mug you’d plopped it into. You’d set the coffee on his desk, and when Kaz took a sip of it, he noted that it was almost cold. “What’s got you so giddy?”

“I guess I woke up on the right side of the worlds thinnest mattress,” you joked. Kaz leaned back in his chair, reviewing plans he’d worked on the night before, for a heist in the Zelver District. “I don’t know why I woke up like this. Maybe I’m just happy to be back? I genuinely don’t know.”

“Well, either way, we’ve got another job next week,” Kaz said. “Zelver District. Ten thousand.”

“Crew?”

“Us and the rest of the crows, as normal,” Kaz said. “Try to relax today.”

You took your mug with both hands, flinching as you registered the heat that the cup was radiating with the boiled water still inside it, though you didn’t adjust your grip. You merely set it on the windowsill and climbed up, taking it back into your hands and appreciating the warmth that spread to them as you did.  

“Relaxing is my every intent,” you said. “How’d you sleep?”

“About as well as you, though for less time,” he took another sip of the coffee, resting the mug near the corner of his desk. “No major jobs til the next heist. We need to lay low for a bit.”

“I don’t hate the idea of that,” you said. “I’m content to stay in here and read for a bit, if you don’t mind?”

“I don’t,” Kaz said. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want, Y/N.”

“Thanks, love,” Kaz forced his gaze to the papers in front of him, the scrawls of the plan he’d set in motion early next week, executing it with you and the rest of the crows later on. He tried not to think of the nickname too much, of the implications that came with it, tried not to blush as he tried not to think.

Eventually, when the coffee you’d set out for him had been long made, your tea long drank and the mugs rinsed and set back onto the small table where they were kept, Kaz heard the sound of the downpour, falling asleep in his chair whilst you fell asleep sitting on the windowsill.

NINETEEN

“Hey,” You greeted as you walked up to Kaz. He passed you a tea as you passed him a coffee. You’d known each other for ten years by then. Ten years of knowing glances, of walking side by side, talking about everything and nothing all at once.

The pair of you walked back to the Crow Club, not talking at all. Ten years, Kaz noted. Ten years and the silences were still more comfortable than half the beds in the Slat.

You walked into the Crow Club, and it was like your attention had been commanded with your mere presence. You greeted several people with swift nods before yourself and Kaz found a table near the back, Kaz sitting his cane against the back of his chair.

You drank tea and listened to Kaz’s updates, telling him a few stories from your meeting with the triumvirate in Ravka in regards to a jewel heist. You told Kaz all that they’d told you to relay to him, and he told himself he would work on it later, knowing himself well enough to know that he’d remember every single detail you’d offered.

When Jesper, Wylan, Inej, Matthias and Nina joined you, pulling up chairs and ordering waffles, Jesper and Nina were grinning.

“So?” Nina asked.

“Next fall,” you said. “Fifty-six thousand kruge. Not much, but a lot, when considering it’s coming out of the pocket of a country that’s long been in debt.”

“They’re pulling themselves out, bit by bit,” Jesper said. “Paying back their loans. Ravka is getting back on it’s feet.”

“Nikolai assumes they’ll be out of debt completely within the next two decades,” you said. “Seems like a long time, but it’s really not, all things considered. Two decades to get out of debt they’ve been drowning in for more than two generations? I would’ve assumed they had it done before any of us hit thirty.”

“Anything from Kuwei?”

“He’s well,” you said. “Apparently he’s dating a Tidemaker who he met while on a mission in the Wandering Isle. I don’t really know, he spoke rather quickly, as he was trying to get to Davids quarters to offer an assist with something relating to fire.”

“Good on him, then,” Jesper said.

Nina ordered waters, popping a toffee into her mouth as the waiter walked off. When the waters came, you all thanked the waiter. Kaz watched you ignore the flirtations directed at you, felt anger come up from somewhere within him, though he quickly repressed it.

“So, next fall?”

“Fifty six thousand?”

“Who’s on the crew?”

“Everyone here,” you said, gesturing around the table. “Annika could be a very wise addition to the team for this one, but whether or not we’ll ask her onto the team is something that Kaz and I have yet to discuss.”

“Making decisions as a team now?”

“We’ve been doing it this way on all major jobs?” Kaz found himself stating. “The Ice Court, the heist in the Zelver District—”

“Oh, you mean the one that almost resulted in seven arrests?”

“Don’t act as though we didn’t make it away in time, Jes,” you said. “There’s a reason that you said almost. We made it out in time, evaded the stadwatch, and here we are.”

“Well, even so, it’s neat,” Nina said, giving you and Kaz both a smile. “I never thought that Kaz would have it in him to consult anyone else. It’s wonderful to know that such a skill exists in his arsenal.”

“I mean, in fairness, they’re not just his partner, they’re his best friend,” Wylan offered. “It makes sense that he’d go to them for a second opinion.”

You took a sip of your water, and Kaz watched you lean back in your chair, content to let a conversation take the table over. You loved your contented silences, he knew. You met his gaze, and for a moment, a small, almost nonexistent moment in time, Kaz wished he had the strength to reach across the table and take your hand in his.

The game he played with his touch aversion was a game of give and take. It was good days, bad days, days wherein there was simply nothing, an oddball-ish kind of in between wherein nothing took steps forwards or backwards, merely just stayed in place, caught in something like a stand still.

“I was thinking about going to Ravka before the next big thing,” you said. Kaz had known Ravka was on your mind. You’d needed something of a break, to put it simply. A break from heists, from crime. You’d needed time to lay on a bed that was better than just half decent. Since you’d mentioned it, Kaz had been debating going with you, leaving the Slat and the Crow Club in the care of either Inej or Annika. “Take a bit of a rest.”

“Ravka is always lovely in October,” it was close to fall. August was coming to an end.

“Leaving the Slat in the hands of Annika for a bit?” Jesper asked.

“That’s currently up for internal debate,” Kaz said. “Weighing it out, but if you can’t find me by this time two months from now, you know why.” Jesper cheers’d his glass against Kaz’s, grinning as he did.

“You really do look like you could use a bit of a vacation,” Nina said. “Maybe use the time to get a proper haircut, hm?”

Kaz merely offered a shrug as he brought the glass of water to his lips, meeting Ninas gaze as he did.

“Never.”

Nina laughed, leaning back in her chair, and Kaz’s gaze drifted back to you.

You met his gaze, offered him a grin, silently cheers’d your glass against his. Kaz watched you become enveloped in the conversation, content to remain quiet as he did.

-

“There’s something odd about the two of you,” Nina was saying to you a few weeks later. The two of you were walking along Sixth Harbor, having finished a job in the warehouse district and on the way to fifth, where you’d rejoin Kaz and Matthias for the last part of the job before you and Kaz headed off on a boat to Ravka, where you’d relax and see the sights for the following two weeks. “I mean—not odd, necessarily. Everything about the two of you makes a plenty good bit of sense, but—” she stopped herself.

“But?”

“I’m a Heartrender,” she said. “I register heartbeats around me, oftentimes without meaning to. Every heartbeat is unique, a sound similar to the others but also distinctly different. Kaz’s heartbeat is loud. It’s always been loud, and the one thing I’ve noticed with him, is that the second he looks at you, it gets faster than I’ve ever heard it. Even if it’s for a moment in time, a split second glance that nobody notices, the two beats that happen while he watches you are quicker than the two before and the two after. It happens every single time, too. Always.”

You looked at the ground, feeling your cheeks grow warm as you heard Ninas words.

“Your heartbeat does, too,” Nina continued. “I noticed it when I’d first met you and Kaz when we were sixteen. You’d been standing a few feet away, but every time you’d look at him, your heart would start racing in an instant. I don’t know if you were in love with him then, but if you weren’t and if I was wrong, my ears have certainly fooled me.”

You crossed into Fifth Harbor as she spoke, and as you did, you caught sight of Kaz and Matthias. They were both standing, eyes on the harbor as they engaged in conversation.

“There it goes again,” Nina said, laughing slightly. She draped an arm over your shoulders, grinning as you finally registered your own heartbeat. Nina had been correct, your heart was going fifty miles a minute. She watched Kaz turn his head, meeting your gaze in the process.

“And, there goes his!” she said, laughing a bit more. “Lovesick idiots, the two of you are.”

“Yeah,” you said, nodding. As you approached, Kaz and Matthias moved to meet you halfway.

As you looked at Kaz, you couldn’t help but grin, because Nina was right.

Fuck, did you love Kaz Brekker.

TWENTY-ONE

Fall in Ketterdam was always cold. Over time, yourself and Kaz had grown to call it pre-winter rather than fall, as the closer winter drew, the colder Ketterdam got. By the end of October, temperatures dropped to the negatives at least once every few weeks, often finding a spot in the colder side of the middle ground.

As Kaz walked into the Crow Club, cup of tea in hand, he placed it on the table at which you sat, meeting with a member of the Black Tips to negotiate the ownership of a building before it escalated to the point of a war. He didn’t look at you as he joined Inej at the table she’d chosen, though he knew you were due to join them any minute. A bit of guesswork and bluffing on your part would have the Black Tips allowing the building to come into complete Dregs ownership, and within days, the building would be ready to open.

“How’re things going with the meet?” Inej asked as Kaz sat down.

“Seemed like it was going well, but we’ll find out in a matter of minutes,” Kaz said.

“Have they told you what they want to do with the building yet?”

“They’re turning it into a cheap diner for Barrel residents only,” Kaz said. “ID needs to be provided in order to eat there, unless someone living on the streets is brought in, and the cooks are required to make extra so as to have enough to feed a few of the people living on the streets throughout the city.”

“An anti-tourist establishment?” Inej asked. “That’s incredible.”

Kaz merely shrugged at that. “They lived on the streets once,” he said. “They don’t want to become a landlord, though, so this was the next best thing. For Barrel residents, no meal costs more than five kruge, and the homeless get them for free. They’ve set up an initiative, too. They’re buying out a few of the old warehouses in the warehouse district and paying the people on the streets to help get them fixed up. The Merchant Council is regarding them as one would regard a criminal less and less these days. I read recently that more jobs have opened up in the financial district and they’re paying for transportation there from the Barrel. More rooms in the Slat have opened up, and we’re letting people in until they can get on their feet without being a member of the Dregs being on that list of requirements. All per my loves request, of course.”  

“Ninas right about you, you lovesick fool,” Inej said teasingly. “It’s nice, though. I didn’t think you the type to be capable of being lovesick for anyone.”

“I’m not lovesick,” Kaz denied. “It’s a smart business plan, and if any of them decide they don’t like working for the banks or the merchants or whoever they end up working for, there’re jobs open most everywhere in the Barrel and the Zelver District. It just depends on which gangs territory they work in.”

Inej just gave Kaz a grin as you approached the table, sitting down next to Kaz as you sipped your tea, a victorious kind of glint in your eyes.

“The property is mine, Geels will be dead by tonight, and everything is already set in motion.”

“What information did you get on him?”

“Geels is having an affair with the girlfriend of the guy I met, something I found out this morning. I let him know and he gave me the property in a second before thanking me for telling him. I did it out of obligation. I don’t care if they’re a rival gang, nobody gets to cheat and get away with it.”

“Geels will come after you for that.”

“If he’s smart, he’ll do the opposite,” you said. “He’ll crawl into some hole in the world and never come out of it again.”

“If he doesn’t do such, I’ve got your six,” Kaz said. You grinned, meeting his gaze as he spoke, and Kaz felt his heartbeat grow a bit quicker, like Nina had often teased him about.

“For that, I have no doubt,” you said. “You’ve always had my six, and I’ll always have yours. To the end, Brekker.”

“To the end,” he responded, standing up as he spoke the words. “I have to meet with a member of the Merchant council in relation to a contract, and I’ll be late if I’m not heading out now. No mourners.”

“No funerals.” With the words, Kaz turned and walked out of the Crow Club

-

Kaz came home with a slight grin on his face, and it only widened as he saw you.

“Hi,” he said. You were standing, back pressed against the wall as you read through some plans for a heist that was to happen the following week. “The deal is in for the property that you’re turning into a shelter. Eliot Vales son is working for you, so he didn’t need any convincing. Pretty much just asked me to pull out the contract and a pen, signed it, and then treated me to a glass of wine and a few bottles from his personal cellar as a thanks for all the help you’ve given his son.”

“Eliot Vale is the guy you were meeting with?” You asked, eyes turning from the paper. “Goodness! I could’ve gone to that meeting with you, love. Will asked me to send along a happy update to his father.”

“Send along a letter,” Kaz suggested. “I’ll be able to help you fix up the drywall in the building over the weekend. The restaurant opens when?”

“The beginning of November, so long as I can get it in shape by then,” you said. “Provided that I work on the shelter just as much, it’s likely that they’ll open on the same day.”

“And the warehouse project?”

“It’s going a lot better than I expected,” you said. “I’ve met with the council and asked them to give me a hundred thousand to contribute to the wages of the people I’ve hired. I think it was because of Eliot that my request was approved.”

“You really are too good for this place,” Kaz said. You leaned over and tapped the papers against the desk, straightening them so that they made a neat pile, before placing them back into the binder you’d taken them from and closing the rungs.

“I love the life I live now,” you said. “I love doing what I do. Petty crimes, arson, theft, all of it, yeah. It’s among my favorite things about living here, but I grew up where so many others are now, on the streets. I hate seeing so many people going through the same. They need help, and I don’t care how many items I’ve stolen, how many places I’ve set on fire. If nobody on the Council will give it to them, I will. I don’t even care that they’re giving me the money I need to increase the wages a bit. They wouldn’t be doing so if Eliot had never been introduced to the council, if it wasn’t him to take Van Ecks place.”

Your dedication was more than impressive. It was admirable.

“Kaz, you understand it, too, right? I can’t keep letting them sweep the homeless under the rug like it’s nothing. I refuse to do so.”

“I get it,” Kaz nodded. “I kill for a cause, you live for one. We’re opposites that way.”

You nodded, the truth to the words settling in the quiet of the room.

TWENTY-THREE

You laughed a bit as you corrected another person who’d greeted you upon your entrance into the Crow Club. You sat next to Kaz, who’d been on one end of the U-Shaped booth, with you on the other, Matthias, Jesper, Wylan, Inej and Nina  sat between the two of you.

“The marriage rumor has gotten too far out of hand,” you spoke as you sat. Nina slid you the brandy she’d ordered for you, and you took a sip, enjoying the way that the sweet bitterness slid down your throat. “I’ve been addressed as Mx. Brekker nine times today! I’m being referred to as such in letters from the bloody Ravkan king!”

“Are we due in for another heist down there?” Jesper asked. “Been a bit since the last one, hasn’t it?”

“Something about a dress of jewels or something?—it’s a long story, Kaz and I will explain it when he’s sent along more context,” you said. “I’m at the point wherein I’m completely ready to stop correcting people.”

“You two are common law at this point,” Wylan said pointedly. “Ketterdam law says that a couple is in a common law marriage if they’ve lived together more than two years, and you two have shared the third floor for three years now.”

“If that means I can’t correct people anymore, I’m fine with it,” you said. “I’m too sick of having to do so to continue on, anyway. If Kaz is fine with it, so am I.”

Kaz shrugged. “I don’t mind,” he said.

“How’re things with the shelter?”

“They’re going incredibly. There’s fifty occupants now, where there used to be ten times as many. Zoya mentioned putting one in Ravka with my assistance on the project, and I wrote to her recently to see about creating a space for Grisha who’re on the run from angry slavers, setting up something at Fifth Harbor to direct them to Ravka. I told her I’d need her help with that, and I was hoping to get you on the project?” You turned to Nina, who was beaming.

“Yeah,” she said. “Always happy to help the cause. Anything you need.”

“Repairs need to be made at the restaurant, right?”

“A few minor things. The storm we had last week blew through a few windows that never got closed. I’m installing the lights and fixing up some patchy drywall this week,” you said. “I’ll close the diner for a night or two, deep clean it and give it a fresh coat of paint like it deserves.”

“I can install the lights,” Matthias offered.

“Wylan and I can help with the painting and Kaz can definitely sweep a floor or two.” Jesper offered.

“Inej and I will come around to keep you lot company,”

You grinned. “That sounds wonderful. Thanks, guys.”

“We love you, Y/N,” Nina said.

“Yeah,” Inej added. “We do love you, a bloody lot, especially Kaz.”

“Any from Will?” Kaz asked.

“A letter,” you said. “He’s in Ravka working with the royals for now. He’s just been promoted to communications liaison between Ravka, Ketterdam, Shu Han, Fjerda, Novyi Zem and The Wandering Isle. His boyfriend recently proposed to him, and they’ve bought a place close to the palaces with some of the money Will had been setting aside when he got his paychecks. I promised we’d pop in for a visit whenever it was we next found ourselves there, so around the time of the next heist.” With the words, you stood, giving Kaz a grin as you walked out, heading to the diner to make a list of all that needed fixing as a result of the storm.

-

By midnight, something of a miracle had happened. The walls had been painted, the floors swept and then mopped. Lights to replace the broken ones had been twisted into their sockets. The counters had been wiped down, the ovens and stovetops cleaned and then cleaned again to be sure that no dirt had been left behind. Cabinets had been dusted and wiped down.

As Kaz looked at the time, he realized it was just after midnight. Matthias hauled in another bag of flour as you put a lid on a container full of it. Matthias opened the bag as you grabbed the last container, pouring the flour into it. Matthias passed the bag to Kaz once it was emptied, who put it into a bin and placed the filled container into the cabinet where the flour was kept.

The seven of you walked out of your restaurant, heading to the Barrel with relative silence, at first.

Then, the rain, on a relatively clear night in Ketterdam, began. At once, everyone turned to look at one another, yours and Kaz’s gaze meeting while Ninas gaze met Inej and Matthias, Jespers gaze met Wylans.

“I hate Ketterdam,” Matthias said.

“I love it,” you said. “I met Kaz when the weather was like this. I’ve loved it as long as I can really bother to remember.”

“Meeting Kaz is as far back as you can bother to remember anything?” Matthias asked. You shrugged, bare hand brushing against Kaz’s as you stepped forward, face tilting toward the sky as your arms extended. Kaz paused, expecting the water to start rushing toward his ankles, only to find that it did, for a single moment.

“Shit, sorry!” You said, meeting Kaz’s gaze.

He shook his head, waiting still for the water to react. “It was an accident. You’re fine, Y/N.”

For a single moment, the water rose.

But then? After that?

The water receded.

It stopped.

You tilted your head to the sky, and, almost completely infatuated, Kaz watched.

“When I met him, I went through a bit of a butterfly effect. Seeing him and his brother as they walked past me on the way to meet someone, it got me right here. I’m grateful for that, so yeah. Meeting Kaz Brekker is, in fact, as far back as I can be bothered to remember.”

Kaz gave you a grin, feeling his heart grow lighter.

You were the love of his life.

Well, and truly, you were.

TWENTY-FIVE

Kaz swallowed thickly as his fingertips met yours. He watched your hand, watched his own, as he willed the waters to a distance, moved his fingertips down until suddenly, your palm was against his. He could grab your wrist if he moved just a bit more, hold your hand just as some part of him had been wanting to for eight years.

“Saints,” he said, unable to think of anything else to say. He moved his hand, grabbed your wrist lightly. When he looked up, feeling the burn of your gaze, he just nodded, and slowly, carefully, you did the same.

“Saints indeed,” you said.

Kaz stared, almost unable to believe it.

He’d started working on his touch aversion shortly after the last Ravkan heist, and it’d taken him two years to get to that, a lot of trial and error, steps forward and backward, giving and taking. It was a gut wrenching, sometimes painful process, but as he held your wrist, felt the cool feeling of the ring on your finger against his own, he wasn’t in pain.

For the first time in a long time, the touch wasn’t making him want to vomit, wasn’t reeling in the waters, flooding every single one of his senses like it so often did. He could only stare, shocked, unsure of what to do next.

“Where do we go from here?”

“I’ll make that the choice of the one with the touch aversion,” you said. Kaz held your wrist for another minute. Maybe it was two, maybe three or even five, but still, somehow, it felt like it’d been bare seconds.

He let go of your hand, willed himself to look at you, really look at you.

You looked genuinely thrilled.

“Hi,” he said, almost breathless.

“Hey,” you grinned.

Kaz, completely unsure whether he was making the right call, lifted a hand to your face, cupping the side of it. He waited for the water, waited for it to flood and pool at his ankles as it always seemed to, ruining even the moments that felt more than perfect.

“This is terrifying,” Kaz said. “I love it.”

“I love you, Brekker,” you said.

“I love you too,” he responded.

That night was the same as many other nights were. It always started with Kaz trying to hold your wrist, trying to get used to letting you hold his. Some nights, Kaz couldn’t even stand the way that your fingertips felt against his own, sometimes he needed to break when your palms met, other times he just couldn’t do It, but more and more, it seemed, you progressed passed that. Kaz felt ready to try something different, something more.

And then, much like it always had to, the water pooled in, and like clockwork, you let go of Kaz’s wrist and when he let go of yours, you stepped back, went through the bedroom to the office, got started on a coffee while Kaz gripped his cane, got the waters back to bay. You passed him the coffee, holding the mug by the handle where Kaz grabbed the body, the both of you operating carefully so as to make sure there was no accidental brushing of hands.

Kaz would apologize. You would tell him he didn’t need to, that you understood and were okay with things as they were. Kaz hated himself those nights, hated to think that you’d grown used to the fact that, up to that point, Kaz had only ever been capable of loving you from a distance, loving you with his back pressed against walls and doorways.

-

Inej, and Kaz had been walking through the Barrel, heading back to the Slat. “Are the rumors true?” Inej had asked at some point. “Y/N with a ring spotted on their finger and again with one on a chain while they bartended. You, with a piece of silver around your neck, one that many think has a ring attached to it?”

“It happened at the start of September,” Kaz said. “I should’ve told you, I know.”

“You could’ve written, but I understand why it slipped your mind,” Inej said. “Proposals, engagements, in our respective lines of work? There often isn’t time to celebrate them.”

“Please, Inej,” Kaz said as he registered that glint in her eye. “Don’t tell me you planned a party.”

“Nina did,” she said. “And, even then, it’s not a party. It’s dinner at the Crow Club to celebrate.”

“Thank the saints, then.”

“Don’t start hitting me with that bullshit,” Inej said. “I had to talk Nina down from a party in one of the most extravagant spots in the Financial District. You’re lucky I even managed that, but I do have the capability to be pushed towards wanting to tell her you’ve changed your mind.”

“I will pay you a thousand kruge to do the opposite.”

Inej laughed, and Kaz didn’t fight his smile.

“You’ve changed quite a bit in the past eight years,” Inej said a while later, when the Slat had been maybe eighty more steps off. “For the better, of course. I like this version of you.”

“I’m still who I was,” Kaz said.

“People have seen you and Y/N in the past few months, hands interlaced as you talked and walked about the streets,” Inej said. “I’m not saying that you’re not the same murderous criminal that you’ve always been, Brekker. If anything, I actually think you’ve gotten more prone to violence in these past few months. I’m saying that you’re not the same person you were when your relationship had just begun. I’m saying that you’ve become a better person because of them.”

“I love them wholeheartedly,” it was the first time that Kaz had allowed any kind of a statement to be said to anyone except for you. “I became a better man because I needed to. They just gave me a reason to want to do it, and I’m grateful for that.”

“You should be,” Inej said. “You should let them know as much, anyway.”

“I’m grateful for you too, Mrs. Ghafa,” nine years of friendship, of unexpected camaraderie, and that was where the two of them ended up. Talking as they walked to the Slat, preparing for another heist like so many others they’d done before. “Seriously. Thank you.”

“Any time, Kaz,” she said. “C’mon. I have to get into an argument with Jesper, Nina, Wylan and Matthias about who’s officiating the wedding.” Kaz looked at the ground as he smiled to himself.

He’d done it. He’d proposed. He’d proposed and you two were going to get married at a date you’d not yet decided, though you’d both agreed it had to be at some point throughout October.

As Kaz walked into the Slat, such knowledge was almost mystifying. He’d gotten himself exactly where he’d hoped, but simultaneously never expected to be,

TWENTY-SEVEN

Kaz’s bare hand cupped your face, the touch almost feather light, but you knew he was there. You could feel it, feel his skin against yours. When his thumb glided along your cheek, you felt lighter than a fucking feather.

His hand had been there, in that same spot, for maybe ten minutes, one hand against your waist, his gaze unwavering.

It was funny, really. Every time you looked at Kaz, you were almost convinced he was factory made, nothing more than a severely attractive robot who’d been sent to Ketterdam to commit crime and brood. It just seemed like there was no way for someone so attractive to be allowed to exist.

“I wonder often how I got so lucky as to meet you,” you said. “I don’t understand it, Brekker. I never have, and I think I’m alarmingly content with the fact that I probably never will.”

“I often think the same thing,” Kaz said. “I look at myself, knowing all that I’ve killed, everything that I’ve sacrificed for the utmost selfish reasons, and I get confused as to why I was allowed to have you still be apart of my life. I wondered it after my first kill, when we first joined the Dregs, when you almost died in the Ice Court.”

He took another step forward, pressed his forehead against yours, watching as your eyes closed before he closed his own, and waited for the water.

It seemed, though, on that day, the water would not make an appearance.

It seemed that Kaz had negotiated a sort of peace with it, at least for that moment. The water had long grown sick of the games they played together, had given Kaz at least a day of happiness, one wherein he made more progress than the day before and allowed himself to enjoy it.

“I wonder often why the universe allowed me someone so good,” he said. “I have spent many nights thinking that I don’t deserve you, Y/N. Not for all that I am, all that I have been.”

His words were met with silence, and for that, he was glad. He was sure he wouldn’t know how to respond had you said something in turn.

“Loving you has been the greatest thing that I’ve had the privilege of happening to me,” Kaz said. “I love you wholeheartedly, Y/N. I always have, and I know that I always will.”

“I would love you in death,” you said.

Kaz opened his eyes, separated only an inch from you. Your eyes opened shortly thereafter and your gazes met. Kaz was overwhelmingly in love with you. He’d been overwhelmingly in love as long as he could care to remember.

“I catch myself wondering how a man so beautiful as you are is allowed to exist from time to time.” Kaz laughed.

“I am not beautiful,” he said.

“You’re saintly.”  

“This, coming from the one who is often the most ethereal person in the room?”

“Often?” You asked.

“Always,” Kaz laughed. “Always the most ethereal person in the room, love. I apologize for my having misspoken.”

“I love you, Mr. Brekker.”

“I love you too, Y/N,” Kaz said, allowing his eyes to close. He paused, took a deep breath in and grounded himself a bit. “To the end.”

Kaz had never felt so content, as when he stood there with you, hand holding yours as yours was against his face, arm wrapped around your waist and forehead pressed to yours.

Often, outside of moments like that, ones where the water had receded and allowed him moments wherein he was so content he thought he was going to melt, he still had to lean his back against walls and doorways, still had to cast loving glances from a bit further of a distance.

There was a difference, though. Two years earlier, when Inej had said he’d changed, she’d been right. She’d absolutely been correct, as she most often was, it was just that Kaz had changed in more than the ways she’d described.

At seventeen, though he’d been in a relationship with you, there was still the thought in his mind that love was a weakness, one that could get someone killed, one that could result in a terrible kind of heartbreak.

At twenty-seven, married to you and more than happy in such marriage, he knew that his beliefs on love had changed completely, for at twenty-seven, he did not view love as weakness. He rather thought it the smart option to view it as strength.

[longhairedwriter]

just what I needed - part one

in which the girl of steve harrington’s dreams visits hawkins and their worlds collide.

steve harrington x original female character

(if you would like an 'x reader' version of this story please let me know! I am more than happy to write it that way!)

summary: as he tries to recover (again) from his nancy-induced heartbreak, steve meets ginger, a pregnant girl his age who is visiting hawkins to help her grandparents move out of town.

(set in the canon stranger things universe and timeline, after the events of season 4. also this is meant to be a multi-chapter story so it's a bit of a slow burn, but I promise it'll pick up in part two.)

content warnings: pregnancy, mentions of sex/sexual acts (in relation to pregnancy/conceiving), steve having mommy/daddy issues, minor use of explicit language (but nothing major that I can think of), please lmk if you find any more that should be mentioned.

word count: about 3.9k-ish (this is so long I'm sorry)

author’s note: so this is a concept I’ve been thinking of and wanting to write for awhile but I wasn’t really sure what to do with it/if people would want to read it (this is my first time posting writing/a fanfic on tumblr). I mainly write screenplays so this was a bit of a change for me, but I had the absolute best time working on it! I'm a bit nervous to post this just because it's my first time posting writing on here, but I really really hope you enjoy it. please let me know your thoughts and tell me if you’d like to read more of this story (I was planning on making it three or four parts total maybe if people are interested in reading it). your feedback is important and much appreciated! thank you so much for reading! <3

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steve harrington was in a pickle— not that he hadn't been in this exact same pickle before. he's been pining over nancy wheeler (again) because, as he’s put it about a hundred times to his friends robin and dustin, she was just one of a kind. steve was particularly heartbroken this time around though, as he had recently revealed his deepest, darkest secret to nancy while they were on the brink of death together; he told her he wanted to have six children with her. six. children. with her. her response was more than disappointing for steve— she reconciled with her boyfriend right in front of him, as if she were rubbing it in his face that she loved jonathan and not him. never him. just as he thought he finally had another shot with her, that he was maybe finally good enough for her, reality hit and his RV dream came crashing down around him, the girl he so badly wanted to share it with leaving him to pick up all the pieces. steve was, to put it plainly, absolutely heartbroken. heartbroken and lonely. he had even stopped bothering to ask any of the girls who came into family video to go out, because every date just left him feeling lonelier than he did before. and he didn’t go off to college like he thought he should have, so he was stuck in this small, haunted town until further notice. he had his friends, of course— robin and the kids— but they would all grow up and graduate and, he figured, leave town someday much too soon, leaving him behind. but on a crisp tuesday in september of 1986, when he least expected it, things began to look up for steve harrington.

__

“ginger, honey, hurry up— we’re leaving,” was the last thing twenty-year old ginger rodgers (a funny coincidence of a name that she never quite forgave her parents for) heard before strapping into the backseat of her mother’s mercedes. she and her parents were headed to hawkins, indiana to help (but it was really more like force) ginger’s grandparents move, because— as her parents kept saying— the town just isn’t safe anymore and isn’t what it used to be. after a tragic fire at a shopping mall and a freak earthquake, the midwestern town was hardly the same quaint dwelling that ginger’s parents had grown up in. as for her own childhood, ginger’s upbringing was pretty white picket fence— full of spring break trips to disneyland, carefully curated christmas card photos, and backyard barbeques— but she had since grown apart from her dear mother and father due to, as they liked to put it, her challenging lifestyle choices. in other words, ginger had fallen pregnant. it was a pretty standard college fairy tale: her boyfriend (who wasn’t even really her boyfriend, they’d just gone on a few dates, but she had benevolently insisted to her parents that he was her boyfriend when recounting the story) had failed to succeed at the apparently tried-and-true pull out method, leaving ginger to miss her period, throw up in the dorm bathrooms, and scurry off to the pharmacy around the block to discreetly buy a box of pregnancy tests (she made sure no one from any of her classes was in the store at the same time, just incase they wanted to sneak a peek at her shameful purchase). when the dreaded little pink plus sign menacingly appeared on the test stick as she sat anxiously on the toilet the week before finals, ginger knew her life would never be the same. she didn’t tell her not-boyfriend before leaving for winter break, never to return to campus in the new year. after a holiday spent in silence with her bewildered parents, who couldn’t seem to understand how their baby girl had gone off to college just a few months prior and come back to them with child, ginger opted not to go back to school for the time being. she would stay in her hometown and find a job, as at the time, her parents seemed to have slightly shunned her, and she didn’t expect them to help with the costs that this lovely new adventure would bring (even though they could definitely afford it). but despite the freshly minted cracks in their relationship, when ginger’s parents told her about their impending trip to hawkins to help her mother’s parents leave the apparently scorned town, she jumped at the chance to escape her currently mundane reality of retail work nightmares and weird stares from neighbors she’d grown up with. a change of scenery will do you good, her father had said when she inquired about the trip. a change of scenery, it would turn out, was just what ginger needed.

--

part one

“honey, here, why don’t you stop lifting things like I keep telling you and organize these,” ginger’s mother gestured to a disorganized stack of boxes that was really starting to pile up at the bottom of the stairs. helping her grandparents move was proving to be more challenging than ginger had initially expected— sure, she was pregnant, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t lift a measly box.

they were currently setting up for a yard sale (ginger’s grandmother had refused to let them call it an estate sale because that’s for old people) and despite her family’s badgering about how she shouldn’t be lifting anything too heavy and should just leave the big boxes for dad and that neighbor boy and his little friends who were coming by to help later, ginger felt useless. she had come all this way to help her grandparents move, and they wouldn’t even let her lift anything. never in her life had ginger wanted to carry a box so badly, so when her mother quickly became occupied with another yard sale matter, she decided to pick up a box that was probably too big and carry it out to the yard. as she carefully made her way outside, walking slowly but surely, she was caught red handed by an unfamiliar voice.

“hey, do you need help?”

ginger could barley see over the humungous box that was nearly toppling out of her arms, but from what she could see, the voice belonged to a handsome young man who looked to be about her age. he approached her, his legs making long strides, his long— and beautiful, ginger mentally noted— hair flopping with every step he took. she had almost forgotten about the box that was weighing down her arms as he came closer.

“oh, no thanks, I got it.” she politely turned him down as she placed the box down by the other yard sale stuff, hoping it seemed like she had carried the box with ease (it hadn't).

steve was finally able to get a good look at ginger without the giant box in the way, and his eyes almost widened as he took in the sight of her pregnant belly that protruded through her sweater— how old was she? he had thought that she was probably somewhere around his age based on her face (which, he thought, was unmeasurably beautiful) but was she older? and where was her husband? and why didn't dustin tell him that he had such a gorgeous neighbor? ginger’s sweet voice, which steve had decided in that moment was unforgettable, interrupted his frantic train of thought:

“thank you for the offer though,” she said as she herself got a good look at him. he really was beautiful to look at, she thought, especially his hair. she thought about running her fingers through it, wondering what it might feel like if it touched her skin.

“I’m steve— I’m dustin’s friend. I guess he isn't here yet but he said his neighbors needed some help moving stuff for a yard sale today, and I thought maybe there would be some things that could be useful for the earthquake relief center. I’m guessing… you’re the neighbor?” he cut himself off, hoping he wasn’t rambling too much, not wanting her to know that she was making him nervous.

ginger was too preoccupied with her own spiraling thoughts to notice, however. wasn’t dustin in high school? why was his friend so… manly? where were the little friends her mother had mentioned earlier?

“oh, um, this is actually my grandparents’ house— I don’t live here. I’m just in town to help them move. I’m ginger, by the way,” she formally introduced herself as she stuck her hand out to him. he graciously took it, trying not to worry too much about whether his palms were sweaty or not.

“nice to meet you. how can I help?”

“well, there are a ton more boxes inside that I actually probably can’t lift myself. here, follow me.” she led him through the front door and into the house. "thank you so much for helping out, that's really nice of you. I didn't realize how nice people were here," she turned back to look at him, smiling. steve wanted to look at her smile for the rest of his life. he hadn't felt this way about anyone in awhile, especially not after knowing them for less than five minutes.

"oh, it's really no problem. dustin loves your grandma, and any friend of that dingus is a friend of mine, apparently." shit, he'd just referred to a child-- it was dustin, but still a child none the less-- as a dingus without even thinking. he prayed that she wouldn't hate him. to steve's utmost delight, however, his comment had made ginger crack up with laughter. he decided it was his new favorite sound. maybe he should record her laugh on tape incase vecna decided to come for him next.

now high off her laughter, steve continued to trail behind ginger as she made her way to the pile of boxes by the stairs, which had only grown since she last saw it.

"so this is all yard sale stuff. but if you'd like to see if there's anything you could take to the relief center first, please, be my guest." she gestured towards the boxes. "what kind of things do they need over there?" she knelt down, starting to shuffle through one of the boxes.

just as steve was about to answer, ginger's mother waltzed down the stairs, carrying even more things in her arms. her eyebrow quirked when she noticed steve.

"dustin?"

"oh, no, mom, this is steve. he's dustin's friend, he came to help us out. isn't that so nice?" ginger quickly corrected her mother before steve had a chance to say anything, which was probably a good thing because his brain felt like it was short circuiting at the sound of her voice saying his name. he might not ever be able to get over it, he thought.

"that is very nice. thank you steve!" ginger's mother beamed at him.

"it's no problem at all. it's nice to meet you."

"likewise." she smiled as she added more unwanted things to the yard sale pile. "did your parents grow up here? I swear you look just like someone I went to school with... is your last name harrington?"

"guilty as charged." steve smiled awkwardly, hoping he didn't look as uncomfortable as he felt at the mention of his family.

"I knew you looked familiar! wow, isn't that something. you look just like your dad. but I bet you get that all the time."

steve grimaced at the mention of his father, trying hard not to show his discomfort. he hated that he couldn't escape the harrington name. and he was never close to his father, to say the least.

" yeah, sometimes." he forced a smile.

ginger's mother smiled, oblivious. "well, thanks again for helping us out. I've got to go see how things are going upstairs. your grandmother is supposed to be going through her closet but she's refusing to get rid of anything." she rolled her eyes jokingly as she ascended back up the stairs.

"I'm sorry about that," ginger said apologetically to steve once her mother was out of earshot. he looked at her almost as if to say why? but he knew that she'd already read him like a book.

"oh, it's okay. I do get that a lot, actually. benefit of living in the same town your parents grew up in, I guess." he tried to laugh it off but ginger saw right through his charade. she knew what it was like to have to pretend.

"yeah. I guess I'm lucky my parents moved." she gave him an apologetic smile and steve only fell harder for this girl he had literally just met. she decided to change the subject as she held up a set of bedsheets, showing them to steve: "could you take these to the relief center?"

"yeah, those are perfect, actually, thanks," he reached to take them from her, and as she passed them to him, their hands touched (just as he wished they would). steve wasn't sure if ginger had noticed (or cared), but she most definitely had (and she definitely cared). for some reason, the way his hand brushed up against hers had made her feel bashful, almost insecure. there's no way a guy like him could want her-- had she forgotten how pregnant she was? why would he be interested in a pregnant girl, especially when he looked like that? he could probably get any chick in this town, she thought to herself.

ginger sighed as she went back to the box she was sorting through, trying to exhale the butterflies that her new acquaintance had put in her stomach. she wanted to evict them but she couldn't seem to get over just how nice steve seemed. and looked.

"hey, is this you?" steve's voice, which sounded like how honey tasted, ginger thought, interrupted her stressful sorting. he held up an old photograph of ginger as a toddler; she was wearing a cowboy hat, her tiny arms squeezing a plethora of stuffed toys, her smile almost too big for her face. the memory made ginger smile fondly.

"oh my god, yes, that is me-- how did this get in here?" she laughed breathlessly as she took the photo from him, their hands unfortunately not touching this time. "my grandma must've forgotten to take the photo out of the frame or something."

"you were a really cute baby," steve said, though he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say. was that a weird thing to say? he hoped to every god in existence that it wasn't.

"I was, wasn't I?"

they shared a smile before a loud knock on the door interrupted their fleeting moment. steve continued going through the box he was working on as ginger went to answer the door.

she opened it to reveal dustin, who's eyes widened when he noticed ginger's pregnant belly.

"you're pregnant?!" he exclaimed before even greeting her, not at all intending to be rude. ginger laughed.

"no, I just had a huge lunch." she smiled as she moved aside, allowing the teen to come in.

"I take it you've met harrington, then? I saw his car out front." dustin inquired.

"oh yeah, he's right in here, actually. he's been so helpful," ginger confirmed as dustin followed her to the foyer where steve sat, sorting through some old sweaters. his eyes lit up when he saw the younger boy, which ginger thought was extremely sweet and only made her like him even more.

"henderson! you didn't tell me your neighbor's granddaughter was so cool," steve stood to greet his friend.

"yeah, she's the coolest. it's been too long," dustin looked to ginger. "but I still can't believe you're pregnant. like, you're literally with child," he went on excitedly in his very teenager way.

the mention of ginger's pregnancy made steve stand up straight. obviously he knew she was pregnant-- he had eyes, after all, and her protruding abdomen was nothing that could be hidden. but in the few minutes he'd known her, which felt kind of like a tiny lifetime to steve, the topic of her pregnancy hadn't come up. he wasn't sure if they were purposefully avoiding it or if it really just hadn't come up in their conversation yet. the dreaded fact that she probably had a significant other came flooding back into steve's brain, making him uneasy again.

"yup, I'm having a baby. it's not that big of a deal." ginger brushed off the teen's remarks.

"not that big of a deal? um, you're bringing a human into the world, I feel like that's kind of a big deal," dustin argued with her, totally oblivious to the fact that she clearly didn't want to talk about this right now.

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, yeah?" ginger tried her best to end the conversation. she picked up a box, holding it out to dustin. "could you be a dear and take this outside?"

"on it, boss." he took the box from her and retreated, leaving ginger and steve alone again.

"I'm sorry about him," steve broke the impending silence, feeling like he should be a man and address the situation, or something like that. but he really wasn't sure what to say at all.

"oh, dustin? it's okay, I expected him to be shocked." ginger smiled as she said it, but it was different than the smile she had shared earlier with steve. more forced somehow.

"why would he be shocked?" steve inquired cautiously. he had never been in a situation like this and really wasn't sure what to say. he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable or like she had to tell him something she didn't want to share with someone she'd just met.

"I mean, I'm a bit young to be pregnant, don't you think?" she smirked at steve almost jokingly as she said it, doing the thing that she did where she tried to make light of something that bothered her deep down.

steve didn't know what to say. he let out a small sound that was almost a stutter, but he just couldn't seem to find the right words.

"it's okay, you can say it. I'm too young to be pregnant."

"no, no, that isn't what I was going to say at all. I just... I don't know what I was going to say. I'm sorry, I'm not usually this awkward." he was telling the truth, he wasn't usually this awkward. he was never this awkward, actually. he was supposed to be cool and calm and collected. he had been king steve once upon a time, after all. but she made him feel like his stomach had turned inside out, in the best of ways.

"it's okay. I'm usually kind of awkward so I can't say the same, but I get it." ginger smiled at him. "I am too young to be pregnant, by the way. I think twenty is too young. but I mean, it's not like I did it on purpose."

she almost laughed at her own sentiment as everything clicked in steve's head. she was his age. she wasn't married, she wasn't even wearing a ring. he must be stupid, he thought. but then he felt bad for feeling excited about the newfound information-- who was the father of her baby? did he leave her high and dry to raise a child on her own? what a shitty thing to do. how could someone do that to her? steve decided that he hated whoever did this to ginger.

"I don't think twenty is too young," steve tried his best to sound unwavering, empowering. "I mean, I know we kinda just met but you seem really responsible to me. and really kind. you'll make a great mother, I'm sure of it." he believed every word he said. even though he'd only just met her, steve knew ginger wouldn't treat her kid how his mother treated him. her kid would be in good hands, that much he knew.

"wow, um, thank you. that's so sweet, steve. you don't know how much I needed to hear that." ginger tried her best not to tear up. maybe it was hormones, maybe it was her new crush on steve, or maybe it was the fact that nobody had ever said anything like that to her before. and she had really needed to hear it.

steve smiled at her before remembering the reason he came over to ginger's grandparents' house in the first place. he quickly began shoveling the pile of things he'd set aside to take to the relief center into a random empty box as ginger spoke again.

"it's been kind of hard, to be honest. going through this alone, I mean," she gestured to her baby bump. "it's just... I don't even know what it is. it's one of those situations that you hear about but you never think it'll happen to you until it does, you know?"

"yeah, no, totally," steve nodded, trying not to short circuit as his brain processed the fact that she was single. he tried to quickly convince his eager mind that he had no chance with her. and even if he did, she probably didn't want a relationship right now. she was pregnant, for god's sake. he had to leave her alone. but his stomach still fluttered none the less.

just in the nick of time, dustin came padding back into the house, holding a wad of cash.

"some people just bought a bunch of stuff! I know the sale hasn't officially started yet, but I didn't wanna turn them down. look at all this cash! here--" he handed ginger the money. "give this to nana."

"nana?" ginger laughed.

"we're close." dustin clarified. he had grown fond of the older woman over the years of growing up next to her. since her own children were grown up and her grandchildren didn't live nearby, she had sort of adopted dustin as a surrogate grandson of sorts.

"I should probably get going, I didn't see the time. I have to get this stuff to the relief center and then get my ass to work--" steve, who had become frazzled after realizing he was almost late for his shift, totally didn't mean to swear in front of his new friend (who he really really liked). he wanted to come off as classy, not crude. he made a mental note to ruminate on it later.

"oh, yeah, I'm sorry to have kept you so long! thank you so much again for all your help, seriously." ginger said as she walked him to the door.

"how long are you in town for?" steve bravely inquired. why would he ask her that? did he think she would want to go out with him? he really didn't mean to ask, the question just slipped out.

"I'm not really sure, it's kind of open-ended at the moment. until we get my grandparents and all their stuff out of here, I guess." ginger shrugged.

"would you want to hang out sometime? with me, I mean. if you're too busy or if you just don't want to I totally get it. but I thought I'd ask just incase you wanted to hang out with people your own age while you're here. or whatever." he rambled off his invitation as he mentally slapped himself. people your own age? why would he say that? he hoped it didn't sound rude or presumptuous.

"yeah, I'd love to. you know where I'll be!" ginger smiled at him as they stood in the doorway. she noticed how pretty his eyes were and she liked how they looked when he smiled. she knew he had to go to work but she didn't want him to leave yet. she could talk with him forever, even if it was awkward.

"o-okay, cool. I guess I'll see you around then." steve said as he made his way out of the house, starting down the driveway.

"see you!" ginger waved as she watched him stride to his car. he was really wearing those jeans. she tried her best to take a mental picture so she could remember the sight later.

steve almost dropped the box he was carrying as he attempted to smoothly hold it in one arm and open his door at the same time. ginger found the dorky moment excruciatingly endearing. she hoped that she really would see him around.

steve had the same thought as he drove away from the house. he wished he could have spent all day with ginger. hell, he would have settled for even five more minutes of time with her. nothing seemed like enough.

he didn't care that she was pregnant. he didn't care about anything other than seeing her again. he had to see her again. and he didn't know it then, but ginger was just what he needed.

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hi again! if you made it this far, thank you so much again for reading! I hope you enjoyed. please let me know if you liked this and/or if you'd like to read another part of this story :) xoxo

[nowandajenn]

Blue Christmas Twelve

Pairing: Chris Evans/OC Kelly

Summary: After almost three years of marriage, everyone would tell you that Chris and his wife Kelly are the most stable, solid couple they know. But behind closed doors, things are tense as they keep trying for a baby, to no avail. When a secret threatens to shake their solid marriage to it’s core, will they be able to pick up the pieces?

I do not consent to have my content, whether it be this story or anything else of my creation, posted by a third party on any other platform other than right here without my permission. This blog is 18+ and is not intended for minors. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Heed the warnings. This is a work of FICTION. I do not claim to know Chris Evans, his family, friends, or anyone on his team personally.

Warnings for this chapter: light drug use, language, mentions of adultery.

February 16

Some surprises aren’t all bad. Like getting a day in the middle of February that’s almost 60 degrees. Even at almost 10pm, it’s still in the upper 40s, so I’m taking advantage and sitting on our front porch in the swing desperately trying to battle my nausea, which sprang up out of nowhere like a wrecking ball, determined to take me down. 

I hear the door open and quickly stub out the joint and hide the rest of it on the bottom shelf of the little table next to me. Fuck, a lot of good that’s going to do since it reeks of pot out here, dumbass I think to myself. 

“Kelly?” 

I sigh in relief as I realize that it’s just Lisa. She closes the front door and walks over to where I’m sitting in her pajamas and slippers. 

“Take a load off.” I say softly. I pull the blanket back so she can sit down and offer it back to her once she’s settled. 

“Were you smoking weed out here?” she asks. 

“What? No. Absolutely not.” I tell her, trying not to grin. 

“Please. I raised four kids. I know what weed smells like. You’re busted.”

“Trying to combat the nausea. I don’t even get the relief of throwing up. I’m just stuck in that shitty state of feeling constantly nauseous where I’m like ‘God, either let me just throw up so I can feel better’. It’s awful.”

“I don’t miss that. The first four months I was pregnant with Chris, my head was in the toilet bowl.” 

We sit for a few minutes, just enjoying the slight breeze and sway gently in the swing. It’s one of the few moments of absolute peace I feel like I’ve had in months. Plus, there’s something about Lisa that is just so damn comforting and warm that it’s impossible not to feel good in her presence. 

“Have you told anyone else?” she asks softly, looking over at me. 

I shake my head. “I just…..I don’t want anyone to know until I figure out….”

“This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. All that time we tried and we tried and nothing was happening…..I prayed so hard for it. It just seems like having it happen now….it’s like the universe is laughing at me.” I turn my body a bit to face her. “On one hand, I AM happy. I want to be excited and tell people and get my hopes up. I want Chris to be happy and know that he’s finally gonna get his wish and be a dad. But on the other….I’m terrified. Even if everything goes right and we have a healthy baby….what if Chris and I can’t make this work? Am I going to be a divorced mom shuttling my kid back and forth every weekend and splitting holidays?”

“Kel, I wish I could see the future so I could have all the answers for you and tell you that everything was going to work out. But I know this; even if, God forbid, you and Chris can’t work this out, I know for a fact that you both would do everything in your power to make sure that this baby would be so incredibly loved and protected. You will always be a part of each other’s lives. You two are so deeply intertwined with each other. I think you’re trying too hard to focus on the future and you’re imagining all these scenarios that may not even happen. And I know it’s hard not to do that. You’re a planner; it’s what you do. Don’t make this decision based on what might happen or what you’re scared of having happen. Make this decision based on what YOU feel is best for you. I know how scared you are of all the unknown, but you’re not alone in this. I’m here for you, honey.”

Lisa opens her arms and I snuggle into her, letting the tears flow down my cheeks and into the woven fabric of the blanket. It’s a perfect mom hug. 

A week later, Chris and I are in his Audi, navigating the morning rush as we make our way to our first marriage counseling appointment. My stomach has been in upheaval all morning long, and I can’t even totally blame it on morning sickness. I feel like this is the thing that’s going to make or break us, and the thought makes me break out into a cold sweat. I reach over and grab my cup of tea out of the cupholder and take a sip, making a face. I really wanted coffee, but I didn’t think that was going to help my stomach any. 

Chris looks over at me and rubs my leg. “You okay?”

“I feel like I’m gonna puke.” 

I almost want to laugh at the look of alarm he gives me. “Hold on, I’ll pull over.”

“No, I- I’m just nervous and anxious and…..it’s not doing my stomach any favors.” 

Thirty minutes later, Chris pulls into a parking spot outside the nondescript brick building that our therapist’s office is housed in. He puts the car in park and exhales. It’s God Doesn’t Love You cold outside, and neither one of us are looking forward to getting out of the car. 

“Should we wait? 

It takes my brain a second to catch up with what he’s saying. 

“I’d rather just go in there and get this started. If we wait, I’m just going to get more and more anxious and build it up to be this big monster of a thing and freak the fuck out. I just….I wanna get to work.”

“I know…I just don’t want you to stress out more than you already are. I know this is going to be decidedly not awesome in any way.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m nervous.” he says in a shaky voice. 

“I know. But I honestly think…..as much as it’s going to fucking suck at first….I think it will be good in the long run. I think it will help. I’m just not really excited to rehash everything.”

Chris rubs his hand over his beard, mentally flogging himself for being such a fucking idiot. He reaches over and grabs my right hand and squeezes it. “I love you. I love you so damn much. Thank you for doing this with me. I don’t…..I don’t deserve you.”

I take a deep breath. “I love you too.”

I decide that I’m a little bit in love with our counselor about ten minutes into us sitting down with her. She’s younger than I thought she would be, and not at all what you would picture a marriage counselor to be like. Shelley Gray is a force of nature with smoky lavender hair, a blunt tell it like it is attitude, and an insanely cool office filled with interesting art and kick knacks. When we had set up the appointment, her office had emailed over a worksheet of sorts for Chris and I to fill out with basics about us, why we decided to start marriage counseling, and what we hope to achieve in the future. So, she pretty much has the broad strokes when we come in for our first session. She greets us both with a firm handshake and a friendly smile and invites us to take a seat on the insanely comfortable, squishy couch in her office. 

“I’m in love with your office.” I blurt out, not able to help myself. “I’ve been in a lot of offices, and this is the most comfortable, cool, relaxed atmosphere I’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you. My line of work can be really….harsh, for lack of a better term. It’s often really emotional and intimidating for the people that come to see me, so I wanted to kind of create a space that was relaxing and inviting. Why come into a space that’s cold and impersonal and then have to talk about hard things?” 

She sits in the overstuffed blue armchair across from us and settles in, grabbing her notepad and folder off the table between us. “Let me start off by saying this. Everything you say in the space of this room is completely and strictly confidential and falls under doctor/patient confidentiality unless one of you tells me something that makes me think you might have intentions of hurting yourself or someone else. Secondly, as I said before, couples counseling can be harsh. Most people that come in here are talking about things that are uncomfortable and ugly and not great. What I ask is that you both allow yourselves to be completely honest and open when you’re here. Couples often times try and censor themselves in the company of their spouse or partner because they don’t want to upset or offend, and they feel like they don’t want to make things worse. Which is all completely understandable. But censoring yourself and not being honest isn’t going to help anything. You’re just shoving metaphorical crap into the closet and not dealing with it. My job is to help you guys the best I can to deal with all the bad stuff and work through it without killing each other.” 

Chris and I both blow out a harsh breath at the same time, and it makes Dr. Gray smile. We start the session by dipping a toe in and the both of us giving her a little bit of insight into us as individuals and our relationship. 

“Okay, so now that I have a bit of background on you guys, let’s jump into why you decided to come see me. I know you guys filled out your pre appointment worksheet, but those aren’t going to give me the full picture of what’s going on.” She looks between both of us and notices that we’ve both stiffened up and look uncomfortable and I look like I’m about to cry. 

“Okay, let’s start a little smaller.” she says, turning towards me. “Kelly, you look like you got a bit banged up. What happened?” 

I look down at my left arm that’s still in the hinged brace and the walking boot on my foot. “I was in a  pretty bad car accident right after the first of the year. I’m still kind of….getting back to normal. Whatever that means.” I shrug. 

“How did it happen?” 

“I was coming back from the airport. It was really early in the morning, and I was really tired and just wanted to get home. In hindsight, I should have just called an Uber or something, but who the hell knows if that would have made a difference. The guy that hit me was coming off of working 3rd shift and fell asleep at the wheel. I survived, but he didn’t. And that…..I’m still trying to figure out how to process that.” 

Chris turns to me. “I saw the car.” 

My eyes go round. “What? When?”

“When you were still in the hospital. I went for a drive with Dodger to calm down and try and decompress, and I ended up at the junkyard they towed it to. Seeing how hurt you were….and then seeing what the car looked like…..I don’t know how the hell you survived that.” I see his eyes get glassy with tears, and he looks up quickly to try and keep them from falling. 

“I went to Chicago. That’s….that’s why I was coming back from the airport. That’s why I was on the road at that ungodly hour.” I say quickly. It’s the first time I’ve openly admitted that. We both know that’s where I went, but neither of us said anything about it out loud. 

“What was in Chicago?” Dr. Gray asks. 

I close my eyes and try my best to steel myself for this. This is it. It’s like a wound. It’s ugly and bloody and painful and you think that it’s going to start healing after a while, but then you find out there’s an infection festering in there. So then you have to cut it open and get all the rot out so you can finally, maybe get back to some semblance of normal. 

“The woman that I slept  with.” Chris says, almost choking on the words. Yeah, no matter how many times I hear that, it still feels like a sledgehammer right to the gut. Somehow, when it’s in my brain, I can compartmentalize a little bit. But when it’s said out loud? All bets are off. I grab the pink shag throw pillow next to me and squeeze the life out of it. My eyes start burning and I can feel my chest start to tighten up.

“Kelly? Are you okay?”

I squeeze my eyes shut against the burn and shake my head. I know if I try and open my mouth, something embarrassing is going to come out. Vomit or a loud wail. “You’re okay. Take all the time you need.” 

Fucking hell. How did we get here? How? How? How? 

“I can’t remember the last time I was okay.” I sob out, desperately trying to get the words out between tears and snot and hiccups. I’ve spent so much time trying to just HANDLE all of the shit that’s been piled on one right after another and deal with it and not break down, and it’s just all of the sudden TOO FUCKING MUCH. 

“I’m so fucking mad. I’m mad about everything. I’m mad that my husband cheated on me. I’m mad that he didn’t tell me right away even though I KNEW something was wrong.” I swing my gaze to Chris. “I KNOW YOU. I know your tells. I knew something was wrong, and I asked you about it over and over and you said everything was fine, when I knew that was a load of shit. I’m mad that I’m in pain every single day and I don’t know if it’s going to get better. I’m mad that I’m pregnant and I can’t go more than two hours without feeling like I’m going to puke up my stomach lining.” 

At this point, I’m red in the face and breathing heavily, and Chris is looking at me like I’m about to shed my skin and turn into a man eating dragon at any second. Dr. Gray pushes a box of tissues towards me and I grab a handful to wipe off the tears and snot. Suddenly, my stomach lets out a tremendously loud growl, and that just adds to my embarrassment. “Fucks sake.” I mumble. I skipped breakfast because I was too nauseous. 

The good doctor gets up and walks over to her desk, pulling open a drawer. I’m expecting that she’s going to fire us because one half of us is obviously insane and snotting all over her throw pillow, and I bury my face in my hands. 

“Here.” I look up and see her handing me a snack size package of chewy Chips Ahoy cookies. I look up at her with teary eyes. “I don’t always remember to take breaks for actual meals so I keep snacks in the office so I can just graze all day. And for moments like this.” I take the cookies gratefully and rip open the package, immediately shoving one in my mouth. 

I take a deep breath as I chew, trying to calm myself down. Great, session one and I’m already a basket case. This is going swimmingly. I sigh heavily and look up at the good doctor, who I’m already planning on putting in the will for just the cookies alone. “I swear I’m not crazy.” I say softly, rolling my eyes at myself because isn’t that what all crazy people always say anyway?

She chuckles out loud. “No, I don’t think you are. I think you’ve had a hell of a lot of crazy stuff happen to you in a really short amount of time. And if anyone could deal with all of that piled on them and not have a breakdown every now and then because of it, I’d really be concerned.” 

I turn to Chris. “I left for Chicago after we had that god awful conversation at the house. You know….for some reason, I had it in my head that if I could go and I could just see her and put a face to this mystery woman who kind of came in and bulldozed everything, it would help me start taking the first steps towards….I don’t know….working on dealing with it and….coming to terms with it? I don’t know, I feel like I’m not saying it right. So, I went back through my texts where you mentioned where you were staying in Chicago and I flew there and I checked in, and I almost chickened out of the whole thing. I mean, I flew all the way to fucking Chicago to confront the woman that my husband slept with. Is that a sane, rational thing to do? But I got dressed up, had dinner, and then went to the bar for a drink. And there she was. Jo. And she had no idea who I was until I showed her the picture on my phone of you and I. And I’ve never seen someone turn so white they were almost transparent. I would have laughed, but I was so sick to my stomach…..I said what I had to say, then I went back to my room and I threw up for two hours.” 

“Did seeing her and confronting her help, do you think?” Dr. Gray asks. 

“I don’t know. I mean, it didn’t change anything, really. I could just put a face to her. And in hindsight, if I had known what was going to happen to me on the way home, I would have just stayed here and been happy wondering forever I think.” 

She closes her notebook and looks at both of us appraisingly. “Well, we certainly have a lot of work ahead of us in the coming sessions, but you guys are both tough, and I think we’re all up for the challenge. I’m going to give you guys a workbook that you’re going to work on together. Some of it is for you each separately, and some of it is for you to answer together. Pick a time every week where you can sit down, uninterrupted and work on it. It can be a fun bonding exercise. Every week when you come see me, I’m going to give you a homework assignment to complete before you come see me again. If it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, don’t worry. There’s no pass or fail. All that matters is that you try. The first assignment is that I want you guys to have a date night. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It can just be cooking dinner together at home and wearing something nice. Whatever you decide to do. You don’t have to talk about any of the hard stuff, just have a nice time, together for a few hours. Try and put all of the baggage out of your minds for that period of time and just focus on being together, and how you feel when you’re with each other. Deal?”

Chris and I nod. “We can do that.” 

When we leave, I make Chris stop at McDonalds because the cookies only sated my hunger for about half an hour before my stomach was protesting again. When we pull up to the house, I’m still shoving fries in my mouth when I notice a rental car parked outside. 

“We weren’t expecting anyone to come by right? I don’t recognize the car.” I mumble through my food. 

“Not that I know of. Nobody texted me.” Chris says. 

We get out of the car and head inside and I almost drop the bag of food when I hear a voice I haven’t heard in person for about eight months talking and laughing with Lisa. 

“Holy shit. You’re here! How? When?” I squeal as my best friend Katie comes over and squeezes me as hard as she dares without hurting me. “I know you told me over and over not to fly all the way out here and just wait until I was due to come home anyway, but I couldn’t just sit on the other side of the world while you were here, going through all this stuff. FaceTiming just wasn’t cutting it.” 

“She showed up about 45 minutes ago. I didn’t even know she was coming.” Lisa told us. 

“You hid the knives right? All the sharp objects? Rat poison? Anything she could use to murder me?” Chris asks his mom, who rolls her eyes. 

“You and I are going to have a conversation later that you’re not going to enjoy. So I’m going to let you sit here and squirm while you imagine how THAT’S going to go, while I take my best friend and catch up with her.” Katie says, pointing at Chris. He’ll never openly admit it, but he’s lowkey terrified of her and I find it hilarious. 

She and I head upstairs to the guest bedroom to get her settled and Chris turns to Lisa. “Did she say how long she’s here for?” he asks. Lisa shrugs. “Undetermined. But I would do my best to stay on her good side, because even I can’t save you from her.”

"You're fucking kidding." Katie splutters as she wipes off the remnants of the mouthful of wine she just spit all over herself.

I shake my head. "Authentic no shit situation. According to my OB, about nine weeks at this point. Which, on top of everything else, is kind of blowing my mind."

"Yeah, I fucking bet. I can't believe you didn't tell me before now!" She rolls her eyes as she takes another guzzle of wine. "I can't believe you let him fuck you with his slut boy penis, especially after he told you that he fucked someone else and you were essentially living with your brother."

I make a face. "Listen, it was.....I don't want to say it was a mistake, but it was. But it wasn't. I was here looking for a dress, and he came home, and then things happened....and yeah. I'm still trying to decide if I should burn the dining room table."

"The table? Nice. That being said, I'll be taking all my meals at the breakfast bar."

I grab a pillow and toss it on her lap and lay down with my legs stretched out. "I'm trying to imagine having a baby right now. If you had told me three months ago that I was pregnant, I would have peed my pants from excitement. But right now I'm scared shitless."

"It's a lot. And I know you. You're going through every single scenario in your head and the worst case scenarios are the ones that are lit up in your head like a neon sign." I hate that she knows me so well.

"I want to be a mom. I want this baby. I just don't want them to grow up and end up being shuffled around between houses every other week and splitting holidays. And I know....there's a good possibility that might not happen. But it might. Nobody knows. And then you throw in the fact that I'm terrified about something happening to the baby...."

"Let me tell you something. As much as I fucking hate Chris right now and want to give him a one two combo to the throat and dick, I know this about him. IF, and that's a big IF, something did happen and you guys end up not together, I know for a fact that you guys would be the most normal coparents in history. Neither one of you would ever make that kid spend a single holiday without the other one, because you will love them so much that you'd be willing to put everything else aside. I know this."

I sigh and close my eyes.

Three days later, while Chris is on a business call, I manage to find that box that's been shoved on the top shelf of my side of the closet for the past two years. There's a thin film of dust on the top of the wrapping paper, which I wipe off gently. I bite my lip and close my eyes, imagining in perfect detail the contents of the box, even though I haven't seen them since the day I wrapped the box.

Chris is in the kitchen on his cell phone, pacing back and forth through the kitchen, living room, and dining room. I get tired just watching him. I put the box on the kitchen table and take a seat, waiting for him to finish up his call.

"Hey, are you okay? You look kind of green." he says, walking in and slipping his phone in his pocket.

"Yeah, I'm just....stomach is kinda...." I trail off. "Come sit down."

He sits in the chair next to me and I tap my fingers on the side of the box.

"Uh....So I've had this hidden in the closet for two years. I've been doing a lot of thinking....and.....well, open it." I tell him.

"Is it a head?" He asks with a smirk.

"Damn it, you got me. Be careful. After two years, that thing is going to be RIPE."

He rips off the wrapping paper, lifts the lid, and looks up at me. "Kelly...." he breathes. I wipe a tear away with my knuckle as he digs in the box. There's a tiny newborn baby onesie that has ducks all over it, a white one that says "Hello Daddy", a soft stuffed rattle that bears a vague resemblance to Dodger, and a white envelope. He rips open the envelope, and lets out a soft sob when he reads the front of the card.

"I wish that you could have found out like this instead of almost passing out in my doctor's office, but I thought this could be how I told you that I decided that as scared as I am, and how crazy this whole thing is, I want to have this baby with you. And I want us to rock this marriage counseling thing and become the Chris and Kelly that we've always been meant to be."

He stands up from his chair and helps me up, then wraps me in a huge hug. I can feel his tears dripping onto my shoulder, and it makes me cry too. "Thank you." Chris whispers. "You keep giving me these amazing gifts that I can never come close to deserving, and I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too. Daddy."

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