#plus a hoody or two because my state is starting to get cold

[leilanihours]

🗝️, prompt 5 + kate martin

# JACKET 'ROUND MY SHOULDERS IS YOURS

pairing: kate martin x teammate!reader

word count: 710

warnings: one suggestive comment

prompt: "here, take my jacket"

⭑ from lani: lyric from cornelia street and theyre in new york...but not cornelia street...who wrote ts fr 🙄

celly masterlist !

main masterlist !

YOU SHIVER WALKING through the cold yet vibrant streets of times square, skin covered in goosebumps as you brave the unfamiliar weather.

"y/n, please, it is not that cold," gabbie laughs, observing your shaking figure.

"i know," you shrug, "i'm actually hot."

"girl, you don't have to lie, it's okay," jada adds, "you just have to remember to bring your jacket next time."

"i swear i hate you guys," you say, shaking your head as you continue to subtly rub your arms in an attempt to warm up your body.

the night progresses, and you are just getting colder and colder. as a girl from the west coast, you were definitely not used to this type of cold. and even worse, you hated being an inconvenience, which is why you kept denying your friends' offers to give you their jackets.

you also hated being wrong. you wouldn't even buy a jacket for yourself when you would stroll through shops - you were stubborn if anything.

the one person who persisted despite your dismissive behavior was kate. your best friend and also the girl you were in love with.

you'd slowly started to fall for the girl throughout your years at iowa. to you, she was your other half on and off the court. but you had no idea if she felt the same way.

"y/n, please for the love of god take my jacket. you look like a penguin the way you're wobbling from the cold," she says, her blue eyes pleading for you to accept her offer.

you turn to her, seeing that she's already stripped out of her thick letterman jacket and is now walking beside you in a simple nike hoodie.

"kate, i swear i'm fine, please put your jacket back on, you're gonna get sick."

"you're crazy if you think i'm gonna let you walk around new york city in nothing but jeans and a long sleeve."

"i actually have socks and shoes on too so i'm good, i promise," you joke, trying to distract her from the matter at hand.

"y/n," she deadpans, clearly not giving up. at this point she had stopped the two of you from walking as she stood before you, her hands on either side of your shoulders.

she looked down at you with a certain look in her eyes, one that only happened to shine through when she talked to you.

the rest of your group had walked ahead, not noticing your stoppage, "kate, we're gonna lose them, let's go."

"y/n, i will tie you down if that's what it takes for you to put this on," she states with a serious face.

"kinky," you smirk playfully, trying to change the topic once again.

"y/n i swear-"

"okay fine!" you sigh, "i'll put it on."

"finally," she breathes out, "thank you."

she helps you slip into the large jacket, the sleeves a little too long for your arms considering the extra height kate has over you.

"why are you thanking me? i should be thanking you," you laugh.

"because," the blonde starts as you resume your path behind the rest of the girls, "i hated seeing you uncomfortable. plus i get to see you in my clothes," she mumbles the last part, but it doesn't go unnoticed by you.

"well, aren't you just the sweetest?" you smile, only half joking. kate was quite literally the definition of a sweetheart.

you often make the joke that if you were to look up the word "sweet" in the dictionary, it would just say "kate martin" plain and simple.

you jog ahead to walk with hannah and gabbie, leaving the blonde to watch you longingly.

"only for you, y/n, only for you," she sighs before catching up to the group.

little did either of you know that your fellow teammate, kylie, had been vlogging the past few minutes and had managed to catch your interaction with kate in the background.

it was nothing but a meaningless background detail until fans noticed the exchange and it became the highlight of the video in its entirety.

but, hey, at least they were able to notice the way you two looked at each other - something either of you couldn't even comprehend.

— leilani signing off ! 📁

[mialikeshockey]

Sick - Nico Hischier

part two to dancing in the rain

“I told you, we would get sick.” Nico says stuffy. Nico and I have been since for the past two nights. They have been pretty rough. It’s been hitting Nico harder than it’s been hitting me. Probably from how much I go in the rain, my body is probably used to it by now.

“At least we have the memory of it, think of it that way.” I tell him as he side eyes me. I know Nico hates being sick, he doesn’t like how weak it makes him feel and he doesn’t like to sleep all the time. He’s currently all cuddled up in bed with a hoodie on and sweats with two of our blankets.

He claims he’s freezing, I get the idea of making him soup. It will give him more of something to try to warm up his body. Plus, he hasn’t ate all day. It will also give him someone light in his stomach. I heat up some chicken noodle soup and put it in a cooler bowl so it wasn’t so hot on his hands.

“Neeks, I got you some soup if you’re hungry. You should probably eat, you haven’t ate anything all day and it’s going on four.” Nico rolls over to look at me, he smiles. “Thank you.” “You don’t have to thank me. Now eat up and try to not turn into an ice cube.”

I put his hood over his head and give him one of my pillows to sit up on. He starts slowly eating the soup and then I go make myself some tea. I walk back in the room to find Nico turning on the tv.

“I thought you said that you had a headache? I don’t think that watching tv is gonna help with that love.” I question him as I look over and see The Flash start playing.

“The Flash is worth it.” He says patting the place down next to him for me to come lay with him, I cuddle up to him. “Are you feeling any better at least?” I question him after he doesn’t talk for a bit.

“Yeah, kinda. I kinda wanna nap though.” Nico lays down and turns the tv off, I follow doing the same. “I’ll set an alarm for when you have to take meds next, okay?” He lifts his head up, “You also have to take meds, don’t forget to take care of yourself too.” I smile and Nico puts his head back down.

I wake up in the middle of the night and it’s freezing, Nico has all the blankets and I’m left in a hoodie and sweatpants. I tug on the blanket, hoping Nico would hand some over but he doesn’t move. I forgot I gave him melatonin with his medicine earlier to help him sleep. He’s probably having the best sleep that he has had since getting sick.

Definitely getting better sleep than I am. I go back to sleep and hope that I feel better in the morning.

In the morning I wake up to hearing water running, I don’t remember turning on the shower or anything. I sit up and rub my eyes. I look around and Nico isn’t in sight. Maybe he’s feeling better and wanted to take a shower. I get up and walk to the bathroom, Nico’s laying in the tub with a bath bomb and soup everywhere in the water.

“Morning.” He smiles, “So I’m taking this as you’re feeling better?” I ask, turning to get my face wash out. “Eh, I had a bit trouble sleeping after around 7 so I got in the bath with some warm water and now I’m kinda feeling better. What about you? Feeling any better yet?” “I struggled a little bit last night, because someone’s a blanket stealer. Other than that, I slept okay. I feel a bit better I think. It hasn’t really hit me yet.” I continue to wash my face and leave for Nico to finish his bath.

I sit on my bed and start reading my book that I started at the beach the other day. After about fifteen more minutes, Nico comes out of the bathroom with another hoodie and sweats on.

“Still cold?” I giggle as he jumps in bed, grabbing the blankets fast. “Perhaps a bit.” He smiles and cuddles up to my side. “What are you reading?” I move my fingers and show him the cover of the book.

He shakes his head, “I never was a really big book guy. I like movies more.” Nico states as he lays his head in my lap. I start playing with his hair until he falls asleep.

After a couple days I get over the cold I had but Nico still has it a bit. He swears he’s never gonna go in the rain again like that, but I guess I’ll have to test that when it rains next.

——————————————————————————

I did not proofread this so if there is any mistakes ignore them please 😭

[tittysuckersworld]

bsd sleepwear headcannons because i cant stop thinking about it

dazai: either missmatched pajama sets or like a old footy night gown and sweats. if its really hit he might wear a thin linnen nightgown shift but he still wears smth. also his bandages stay on most nights. (also onsies because i forgor when writing-)

atsushi: also has a pajama set or two, mostly given from the agency. but whenever he can he wears the onsies he has. if its really hot he sleeps in some comfy baggy shorts and a t-shirt

kyouka: also onsies. has like a nightgown but most of the time wears her onsies and feels comfortable in the hug of smth soft and warm :>

kunikida: matching pajama set, one for every day of the week scheduled so it works with his laundry and everything else. has an extra set or two and a onsie because family sleepovers are inportant for company moral

naomi and junichiro: matching onsies, a few nightgowns for naomi and some night shirts and slacks for junichiro. when its hot junichiro probably just wears a thin shirt and comfy pants wile naomi.. i dont wanna talk about it.

ranpo: constant onsies. all the time. honestly a miracle that he gets out of them in the morning. cannot sleep without being a little kitty cat or smth

kenji: honestly? just simple shorts and a shirt. very simple for a comfy contry boy. has a onsie as stated of the others but thats only for fancy occasions

yosano: only wears nightgowns. they have tryed to get her to join in with onsies but they feel too.. i guess entraping to her? just not her style. if it gets too cold she will double up on blankets if anything

fukuzawa: probably just wears jinbei(traditional japansese sleepwear from google) most of the time. tho also has a few old person night gowns like dazai and some onsies for sleepovers. also a tall pointy hat that slumps over. you can guess the ones ;>

okay i dont really know for those outside of ada- but um-

poe mostly ends up sleeping in his work clothes cause his layers look so so comfy- if not, pajama set and coat still because aforementioned comfy

lucy probably just wears a simple night dress. a little nice one but smth that also keeps her comfy

alutagawa sleeps in his outside clothes. he has mental illnesses(dw i do too eyebrowless bang man). if you can get him tho he will take onsies

gin has some pajama sets for most nights, and also onsies because let me have this. if i cant have them. they can.

ane-san also wears jinbei or honestly silken night robes/gowns. all fancy enough and made to be super comfy. plus some sorta loose silk pants and just djebdufjej comfy comfy girlboss. has a single onsie to match with chuuya

and the reason why had all these thoughts in first place, chuuya nakahara, the one who i have the exact ideas for!!!!!

he just wears some comfy pants. no shirt. choker depending on how he feels and his energy. and thats it. he might have some extra gloves or a dog plush with hand pockets built in but um. ya! actually he dose have that plush it was at first cruddily sewn together when he started in the mafia and only slept with his hoodie on even if he didnt like it because it kept his hands away. then over time it has been sewn over and over, patched up with little bits of his comrades he trusted to mend em up with. even some stuff from himself. is a stupid silly guy but fuck it i love hypothetically accesible stuffed animal design.

anyways goodbye from my self indulgent rambles and i gotta get to sleep

[she-karev]

First Date Part 2

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: Here’s part two of three the last chapter will be posted hopefully by tomorrow but for now enjoy this chapter. The next two chapters will be posted tomorrow.

Summary: Amber and Andrew go on their first date.

Words: 1898

It’s 6:45 and the T-Mobile stadium is already packed with people. I’m standing outside in the rain wearing my black North Face rain jacket holding an umbrella. I read that it rains in Seattle about 150 days out of the year which is more than it rains in Iowa or New York. I’m still getting used to the wet weather, I’m used to cold breezes though so that’s a good thing. I’m pretty much the only one with an umbrella because all of the other fans lined up outside are clad in either Yankee’s or Mariner’s hoodies.

I fully agree that the Yankee’s suck but the Mariner’s haven’t had a great season either so I just opt for a black v neck with skinny jeans, black combat boots and a red scarf around my neck. I decided to go with casual for tonight because we agreed to start slow and a dress with do me pumps doesn’t scream slow. He’s still trying to get past my relation to Alex and I am trying not to bring it up not that it’s hard not to. Plus talking about our families will open a Pandora’s Box of misery that will scare him away.

I finally see him get out of a cab and run towards me in his black jacket, jeans and a beanie. He looks at me with remorse for leaving me out in the rain for the past 15 minutes, “Hey I’m really sorry I had to move some things around and the cab I took arrived late and for some reason she likes to drive like a senior citizen. But I’m here now and I think if we hurry, we can get the good nachos.”

I shake my head at his lack of baseball knowledge, “Nachos aren’t the main baseball food it’s hot dogs. You know what we’ll discuss this later let’s get inside the line is long enough already.”

Andrew takes my hand in his and leads us inside the building where a long jam of people crowded one of the arched entrances. Andrew paused to pull out the tickets and gave one of them to me and held my hand as we kept walking with me behind him. The stadium wasn’t just filled with people it was filled with sounds too, from screaming to laughing. We took a few steps toward the shortest line we could find and soon I was between the wall and the crowd.

A sudden unease raced through me and I was familiar with it. No, no, not here, not now Andrew is oblivious to my racing thoughts and feelings of being trapped. I try to remember the breathing exercises I was taught but it’s been a while since my last incident and I left my Bcalm in one of my boxes back in my place because I didn’t think I would need it. I try to draw in breath but it was impossible. The air is stale and hot from all the bodies and it was like my nose was stuffed with plugs.

Panic hit me hard and fast and I froze in line even when it was moving. A coat of sweat was breaking out on my forehead, my chest tightened. Black spots started to swarm my vision and I knew in the moment what I needed to do but I couldn’t do it. Nobody noticed it I mean how could they? A girl having a panic attack in a large crowd is like a needle in a haystack. Fear paralyzes me in that moment and I couldn’t do anything even with the college kid behind me yelling at me to move up.

Andrew turned around and even in my state I could see him. He looks at me with concern and walks toward me and gently grabs my arm.

“Hey are you okay? What’s wrong?” I hear him talking to me but his voice sounds like it’s distorted which means this attack is just as bad as I fear.

I try to get past it and have words come out, a few get past my lips in a whisper, “P-Panic attack need…need to…b-breathe.” Andrew looks at me worriedly and immediately walks us away from the crowd. I clench his arm holding on for dear life and exhale as we exit the stadium. I have never been happier to feel the cold air and rain on me. I move away from him so I can get room to breathe and sit on the bench.

Andrew moves toward me and pulls my scarf away from my throat and it helps a lot. The rush of air is a welcome relief on my hot skin. It only helps a little and without the crowd I finally hear myself hyperventilating. I am so overcome with this need to breathe that I don’t even realize Andrew is here and witnessing me at my absolute worst. I would have gladly taken cursing over hyperventilating on a first date. 

Andrew holds my face in his hands and turns me to face him instead of the street, “Okay Amber look at me you’re having a panic attack it’s okay I’ve got you. Take a deep breath in do what I’m doing, nice and slow.” Andrew breathes in slowly and I copy him managing to pull a breath into my lungs, “Good again.” He repeats and so do I. Normally a new different fear would arise around Andrew’s proximity but instead his hands on my face and the rumble of his voice loosened the constrictions in my chest, “Do you feel better? Are you getting air in your lungs?” I stare at his serious and caring expression and nod, “Okay good let’s keep going until you feel better.” We kept breathing together a few more times and I felt my heartbeat steading and the tension exit my body.

When I finally felt more in control I pull Andrew’s hands away from my face and wipe my damp forehead with the back of my hand. Instead of facing him I rested my elbows on my knees and stared at the ground trying my hardest not to cry. I was about ready to sob not because of the panic attack but because of the shame and embarrassment that replaced the anxiety. I try not to look at him because I can imagine he looks scared and freaked out that his first date with me was trying to get me back from a panic attack. God, I want to die.

He rubs my back as a soothing gesture but I still don’t look at him, “Do you need anything? Water? I can run inside and get some.” I’m thirsty but all I want to do now is go home under my weighted blanket and never talk to him again.

“N-No I’m good…you should go though the game is about to start and you bought the tickets.” I try to give him a way out so I can save myself the shame but he is relentless as I see him shake his head out of the corner of my eye.

“I don’t care about the game.” I don’t know if he’s staying out of concern or pity, “Can you walk home or should I call us a cab? Where do you live?”

“Columbia City it’s a studio.”

“My place is closer we can walk there it might help you and you can spend the night.” I close my eyes at his kindness. Most girls would find it endearing but right now I feel like crawling under a rock and never coming out.

“You don’t have to.”

“I’ll feel a lot better if you did, come on let’s go.” Andrew takes my hand and we both stand up. I finally look at him and see that he’s genuinely concerned about me. I don’t know if it’s as a doctor or as a date but truth be told I don’t feel comfortable being in a tight space after what happened and his place is a lot bigger than mine. Hell, the on-call rooms are bigger than my studio so I nod and we walk side by side away from the park into the city at night.

After about 30 minutes of walking, I felt better as the cold air and movement was good for me and dispelled the threads of anxiety that remained. We didn’t talk the entire way, neither of us initiated conversation and I am so grateful for that because I wouldn’t know what to say or how to explain this. We finally reached the house which surprisingly looks bigger than most residents can afford in a big city.

“Nice place.” I say numbly, “I thought you were staying with Dr. Robbins.”

“Yeah, I was but her kid came back and I needed to move out so I’m living with Dr. Hunt until I find a place of my own.” I nod and look down in shame and he catches it, “Are you okay?”

I sniffle, “…I am so sorry.” He looks at me in pity over my sadness and tries to cheer me up.

“Hey, come on it’s just baseball at least I didn’t spill a drink on you or hit you again.” The corner of my lips goes up slightly at his attempts to make feel less like crap. Despite the slight amusement in his tone his eyes are dark with concern. I have had bad dates before but having a panic attack in front of Andrew and him coddling me like a child, God in heaven.

“I’m not a basket case.” I state bluntly trying to put it out there. Andrew looks taken back by what I said but responds.

“I never said you were. Come on you can sleep in my bed and I’ll take the sofa tonight.”

I look at him touched, could this guy be any more perfect and could I be any less? “You don’t have to do that. You can sleep in the bed with me I won’t mind.”

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t mind at all.” Andrew asks to be sure.

“It’s not like it’s the first time we slept together only those were much better circumstances and I wasn’t such a crock pot.” Andrew looks at me as if offended I’m being so hard on myself.

“Hey.” I look at him, “You are not a crock pot or a basket case. I’m pretty sure those terms are outdated and it’s okay I’m not mad. Don’t be so hard on yourself it’s not like you caused a panic attack to get out of some stupid game.”

“I really didn’t.” I say kicking myself again causing Andrew to be stern.

“Stop it it's not your fault. Let’s go inside and get some sleep okay?”

I nodded at his request and we headed inside the house without even speaking to each other. We go to his room where Andrew gives me a red flannel shirt of his to wear for the night. After taking my clothes off and slipping into the shirt with the bottom reaching the top of my thighs. I opt to shower in the morning because I’m exhausted and just want to pass out. As soon as I lay on my side in bed and pull the blanket to my neck, I close my eyes and let the lull of the night take me.

[tomurasprincess]

Oh hey, regarding merch on AliExpress: I would recommend avoiding that site if you’re looking for merchandise, unless you are fine with fake stuff. AliExpress has undoubtedly the best prices, but that’s because they either just take official art and put it on various stuff (keychain, pillow, etc) and sell it as official merch, or -even worse- they steal fanarts and sell them without the original artist knowing. Either way, the quality is really subpar, but that’s probably expected with prices like these.

Etsy, however, I can agree with in most cases! It’s often either fanmerch sold by the fan artists themselves, or the seller is selling genuine official merch. Personally, I’d recommend using Etsy for fanmerch!

There is btw a whole range of official Shigaraki and Dabi merch. Other villains have their own merch too but those two definitely take the crown I think.

You can find lots of it on AmiAmi.com! It’s a genuine Japanese shop that ships internationally. :D Depending on the merch, prices are a bit on the steeper side, but those are the prices you’re paying in Japan so no middleman fee or the likes.

Another shop I can recommend is CDJapan. It’s also a genuine Japanese shop like AmiAmi. Just be careful with articles that says “Proxy Item” because the shop is getting you those items from somewhere else and will bill you a rather high fee for it. n_n;; CDJapan is best when buying Japanese mangas/art books, but they also have a wide range of official merchandise.

I’m sure there are tons of other online shops out there but I find AmiAmi and CDJapan to be the safest + most fair in terms of prices. This, uhm, got a lot longer than intended, sorry;;;; I’ve been doing merchandise shopping since forever so if you have any questions or the likes, just hmu Ig? c:

Ahh. thanks for the heads up about AliExpress. I don’t care about merch being official or not, but I definitely don’t like the art stealing or the bad quality. I got a few shirts from Redbubble and was very annoyed that two of them already have holes in them (and I am not rough on my clothes, at all.) What sucks is that Redbubble has tons of designs that I absolutely love, but I’m cautious about buying through them again because of quality. 

I’ll definitely check out Etsy. I desperately want a a few more tshirts and a Shigaraki hoody of some sort.

As fort AmiAmi, a quick search didn’t really find much of anything for Shigaraki on there, at least in terms of shirts and hoodies. And CDJapan has no clothing whatsoever.

*cries openly about how hard it is to find Shigaraki clothing*

[sweatandwoe]

Butter

When you volunteered for the state fair, you didn't realize what you were getting into...

Butter Sculptor!Viktor x Fem!Reader!

Tags: Viktor being a bit of a creep, Lots of butter, misuse of butter, butter kink(?kinda), Suggestive but not NSFW, shitpost but also not Wordcount: 1k plus

-

When you volunteered for the state fair, you had thought it would've been outside. Helping set up stands, lines, painting some old equipment, or setting up some of the faux buildings.

Not to be sitting in a cold room, with windows peering in at you from behind. Luckily no one was viewing this section yet, not for a few days.

It was for a good cause, you reminded yourself. Bringing joy to your community and helping an overall feeling of togetherness.

You just wish the room wasn't so cold, and that you had worn a proper bra.

Or really just more layers. The room was cold and you were glad your back was facing the windows and not your front. Still you kept your arms crossed over your chest, just in case.

You observe the sculptures around the room. One is of a horse, another of a sailboat, and the third was of some amphibian creature curling in on itself. All were beautifully crafted... in butter.

You weren't sure why that medium was used for this sort of artwork, but hey you weren't about to judge it.

Finally, after waiting for so long, a man enters the room. Tall, with a cane to lean on as he walks, wearing a thick hoodie, some gloves and a pair of snow pants. Beautiful golden eyes and a timid smile are what greet you first, before he speaks. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, one of my associates was having an issue with one of the giant axolotls. Rio needs my touch to calm down sometimes."

Giant axolotls? You blink, but offer a smile in return, not dropping your arms. "That's alright! Gives me a break out of the heat." You lie, because well, he's a bit cute. And maybe cute enough he would be worth freezing your tits off.

"Still, I apologize, Miss." His golden eyes roam over your face, and the smile crinkles his eyes more. "I'm Viktor, I will be sculpting your beautiful face today."

You blink at the compliment, but it's not entirely bad you suppose. "Thank you, Viktor." You offer your own name. "Have you done any human sculptures before?"

"No, just objects and Rio one time." Golden eyes glance under long eyelashes. "But with such a gorgeous model, I'm sure to capture every detail."

You aren't sure what to say to that at all, except an awkward:"Thank you?"

He smiles, and it's like that comment was gone from your memory. The red glasses were on over your eyes, as you watch him remove his gloves and draw up a large mound of butter. The cane rests against the table he's sculpting on.

Viktor starts to work. Cutting away large chunks, until the shape is closer to your own head. Eyeing you for a few moments before he cuts off a piece.

Which shouldn't be weird, but he was eyeing you for a lengthy amount of time. At one point even for almost two minutes.

And then he asked you to lower your arms. "I'd rather not."

"Please?" His shoulders slump, lips lips pursing slightly. "It will just help the sculpture appear more natural."

"It's just-"

"Yes?"

You take your lower lip between your teeth, bite it for a moment while he watches enraptured. Letting go, you sigh. "It's rather... cold in this room."

Viktor tilts his head. "Yes?"

Okay, so he didn't understand. With a sigh, you lower your arms, revealing how your nipples also knew it was cold. "Just very cold in here."

Viktor seems even colder than you now, with how he suddenly freezes up. His lips part, but not to speak, he starts to breathe a little through his mouth. Golden eyes bulging slightly out of his skull, but when you move to cover your chest once again, he begins to shake his head rapidly.

"No, please don't." He swallows so thickly, that across the room you can see his throat bob. "You look so natural. Are they-" He cuts himself off, and turning red, looks back to the butter sculpture.

The red glasses were beginning to slide down your nose. Viktor breathing so heavily on the butter, it began to melt. In fact he was beginning to smooth out below your face with his fingers, and it looked like he was fondling it.

Fondling mounds of butter. Strikingly similar in size to your own mounds.

Okay yeah, red glasses were off, folded in your purse and you were now even more aware with how he was just staring at you. Hands dripping with butter, cupping your butter priests and rubbing them slowly. Dipping his thumbs over where your nipples would be, circling them.

Dear Janna, he was not doing that right? But no, he was. So heavily that the butter was melting enough that your 'head' feel off of your 'neck'. It didn't scatter across the floor, but one side had fallen in a splat against it.

He was still holding onto your butter breasts. "Viktor?"

Golden eyes blink, and he draws his hands away. They are slick with oil, and covered in little piece of the pale spread. "Yes?"

You stand up, hugging yourself. "I think I need a break now. A bit too cold."

"I could-"

"Viktor, please." You meant it to come out condescending, and maybe it was, but Viktor's pupils blow wide. And then you can see what you hope is a stick of butter in his pants. Dear Janna, let it be butter. "Viktor you've got-"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His face is turning red, when he glances down to himself. "It'll go down soon, I think."

You could believe it wasn't butter, with how it was even visible through snow pants. And that had a few own nasty thoughts running through your brain."I think I'm going to speak with Mr. Vander now." And you take a few steps to the door, only for Viktor to grab you with a slick hand, almost letting your wrist slip out.

"I'm so sorry!" He says loudly, looking honestly more apologetic now. "I-I don't deal with people. This is my first time doing another person's sculpture. Vander's idea."

He looks near tears, and so you can maybe take a little pity on him. "I won't tell, Vander. But you can't pop a boner just because you're doing their sculpture."

"I'm so sorry about that." The man is so embarrassed, red face and looking decently shameful. "I really didn't mean to. You're just very pretty, and I wasn't expecting your..." he trails off, gesturing to your breasts and looking away this time.

You sigh, moving to rub your temples, but after he continues to look so miserable for a moment, you offer half a smile. "I guess both of our bodies were just having natural reactions."

"I'm really, so sorry about this. And about how I was acting with the sculpture. I don't know where my head was at."

You hum, you hadn't brought that up, but you were glad he recognized his behaviour. And well, he was really cute, you decided as the rose colored glasses slide back on. "Maybe I'll come back tomorrow and we can try then?"

He looks uncertain, before he offers a weak smile. "Can I buy you some cotten candy at least, tomorrow? Before you come in?"

"Cotten candy is a very good bribe." You confess, smiling. "Just no more inappropriate behaviours."

"No more." He vows, looking far happier. "And please yell at me if I do."

"I will." You eye the mound on the floor. "Do you need help cleaning up?"

"No. Please, I don't want to make you uncomfortable." And soon with enough gestures, you were out the door. Walking down the steps after a minute of trying to decide if you would come back to see butter boy tomorrow, you turn to glance at him through the display window.

Only to see Viktor with his pants around his ankles, one buttery hand pressed to the door where you had left and the other flicking his wrist rapidly.

He turns slightly, and you could see he wasn't any butter boy with that manhood.

Yeah, you were definitely going to come back tomorrow and let him butter your biscuits.

-

Author's note: I wanna say I'm sorry, but I'm really not. Please feel free to yell at me in asks/replies, but it might fuel me to do it again

[nightowlwriting]

summary: steve is acting weird. avoiding you, being snippy and mean, leaving the room when you enter. all you want is your boyfriend back, but all he wants is to pretend you don't exist. when he's almost hurt on a mission, you do what you're made to do.

word count: 11k

reader specifics: no race/gender/sexuality/body type mentioned, no pronouns for reader used, powered!reader, insecure!reader

warnings: steve is mean to the reader in the beginning, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, canon-level violence, brief ptsd symptoms, slight description of blood, brief mention of racism in the '30s & '40s

brief mentions of: reader's parents being toxic, homelessness, past accidents, ableism in the past & present

note: this one hurt me lmfao. idk why this went the way it did but i'm not mad at it // also i am a queer, trans, disabled american. i have fundamental disagreements with things that marvel/the mcu as it stands for and some of the more nuanced things that you might not notice unless you're looking for it. this will take place in my writing because i cannot separate myself from the lens in which i consume/create content.

title credit: lil nas x

mobile masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his. Sure - he’s clever, righteous, courteous… You can’t forget he’s also drop-dead gorgeous because every trashy gossip magazine in a three-state radius of New York doesn’t let you forget. Neither does the sight of him waking up in your bed every morning. (Well, actually, maybe that would remind you if he was still fucking doing that.)

But lately, you’ve had to rely on the fucking tabloids to catch a glimpse of your super-hero boyfriend. The university class you had picked up on a whim at the end of the summer - Life & Times of the ‘30s and ‘40s - avoids any mention of Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos. Not that your classmates do because, Christ on a bike, those magazines manage to catch pictures of you and Steve in moments that you don’t even remember. Plus, you’re an Avenger too. It’s bound to catch some attention when you waltz into a college classroom.

You’re sure if you were an undergrad trying to fill a gen-ed requirement and were sitting next to someone who could kill you without blinking but also dating Captain Rogers you’d be a little distracted too. You try not to blame your classmates too much, but they do make it hard to concentrate with their -really dating Captain America?- and -wonder if I could get an autograph- whispers. None of that matters because you’re learning, really studying, in between missions and missing Steve and believing that maybe the gossip reporters are right.

Maybe he’s forgotten about you.

You grit your teeth and push the thought away. It does you no good right now, while you’re training with Peter. He’s working his way up to bona fide missions and, because you’re the only one on the team who has experience with real-life teenagers outside of saving their lives, it’s up to you to get him to the level that he needs to be. Plus, the mission where he’s going to get his gills wet is just you, Tony, Steve, Nat, and Bucky. You’d much rather be the one to train him because you won’t traumatize him.

Right now, though, you’re just kicking his ass to try and get rid of some of the tension in your body. You feel a little bad about it, but when you started as his mentor you told him point-blank that you’d never go easy on him. That meant if you were having a bad day he either needed to up his game or he’d have a bad day too. It appears he’s taken that to heart as he struggles to dodge the hits you’re throwing his way. He lunges out of the way when you try to land a right hook but practically walks into the leg sweep that sends him crashing to the ground.

“Awe,” Peter groans, letting his guard down. You take the momentary lapse of focus to grab him by the collar of the hoodie he’s wearing and haul him to his feet, jerking one fist back to cold-clock him but he beats you to it. You hear the sound of your nose cracking before you feel it but then the pain rushes you all at once. You’ve had worse but coming from Peter, the move surprises you. You don’t yell out but he does when you push him away from you and call the fight off. Peter practically yelps your name, hands up by his head as he watches you bend at the waist, both hands over where your nose is absolutely gushing blood. “I am so sorry, I just reacted-!”

“It’s fine, Pete,” You shake your head and stand straight again, the blood beginning to leak through your fingers, “Just go get me a towel, okay?” Peter practically trips over his feet to get something for your nose and as you track him on his way into the locker rooms, you see Steve, Bucky, and Nat. The latter are looking your way, eyebrows raised like they’re asking you if you’re okay. Steve hasn’t even broken stride in his conversation so you wave them off with a bloody hand. Peter’s back in a flash, pressing a wet towel into your grasp and snapping you out of your self-pity party. “It was a good hit,” You compliment as you wipe your face off, “I just wasn’t expecting it. Prob’ly wouldn't have landed it if I had.”

He wrings his hands, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s a good thing, Peter, means you’re getting better.” You deadpan, checking to see if your nose has stopped bleeding yet, “I don’t think you actually broke it, but I’ll go down to medical to check later.” You do your best to clean up your hands with the wet towel, but it’s so soaked with your blood that it mostly just smears it around. You grimace and shake your head. “Well, I should go now before our sparring match ends up looking like I murdered you.”

“I’ll go with,” He offers, “I’m the one who broke your nose.” You let Peter walk you down to medical even though you were originally going to refuse. Perhaps petty, but it was the way that Steve didn’t even look your way as you left that made you let the teenager walk you the two floors to where you’d be able to clean yourself up. He hums in the elevator and you know that he wants to ask you something - it’s the way he holds his mouth when he’s prying for information or keeping a secret that tips you off. Finally, just before the elevator opens, you sigh and turn to him.

“What, Peter?” He grins but then it falls when he has to skitter after you down the hall. Maybe that’s why it falls - the question he asks next nearly sends you to your ass.

“Is everything okay with you and Captain Rogers?” He easily catches up to you when you stop in your tracks, ignoring that you’re still bleeding a little bit down your face and you might be dripping blood everywhere from where it’s run down your arms.

“What?” You do your best to look confused like everything is fine, but Peter is perceptive. He may fumble around and be pretty awkward, but those are really just teenager things that he’ll hopefully outgrow. You should have known that when someone caught onto how bad things are on your end, it would be Peter. (You wonder if Nat or Bucky has brought it up with Steve, considering he’s spent more time with them in the past week than he’s seen you in the past month.) “We’re fine.” Your words are stilted as you begin walking to the medical wing much faster than before.

“I just thought I’d ask, well, because I’ve sort of noticed… Something just seems off, you know? Like, you two used to spend a lot of time together, and maybe it’s the recon mission coming up, but I was just thinking that you two really barely look at each other even when you’re in the same -”

“Peter!” You say his name much louder than either of you expected and both of you jump. “Peter,” You say softer, looking at the glass door to the medical wing instead of him, “Just leave it, okay? It’s nothing you have to worry about, kid.” Peter ducks around to open the door, forcing you to look at him. “He’s just focused on his stuff and I’m focused on getting you whipped into shape for this mission. We only have two days.” Once you’re inside and surrounded by the medical crew Tony keeps on staff, he thankfully drops it. You love Peter, you do, but it’s a lot like having a little brother. You can only love them so much before you want to fucking strangle them. Eventually, as the doctor checks to make sure he hasn’t broken your nose, you have to order him away to go study or something. “I’ll join you later,” You promise him as the doctor prods at your tender flesh, “I have an essay due soon.”

That’s another thing that’s been bugging you that Peter surely picked up on. Nearly everybody knew you were taking a course at the local community college, but nobody knew what it was about. You’d wanted to keep it a secret until you told Steve, but the day you had registered he’d flown out for a two-week mission without telling you or saying goodbye. After that, you decided it didn’t really matter if anyone knew what class you were taking, and keeping it a secret sort of spiraled from there. If they wanted to know they could look it up. Maybe it was petty, but you just wanted the class to be over and done with so you could forget that you really only picked it up so you relate to your boyfriend more.

If you can even call Steve your boyfriend anymore. You’re not so sure where you stand and, honestly, you’re really close to giving up on the relationship as a whole but you can’t do that. Before you were dating, you were friends, and Steve… He never gave up on you. Not once. How could you repay him by giving up on your relationship? The one that you thought was The One? Even if it hurts, even if you’re unsure more than sure these days, how could you? Somewhere, though, you know you deserve better. You don’t deserve the sinking, dark feeling that lingers in your gut for most of your days now or the way that you second-guess every move you make - even in the field. It’s dangerous but you can’t do anything to fix it.

You’re too scared. You know that eventually, it will happen, he’ll break up with you, but you’d like to put that day off for as long as possible. To relish in the love he once had for you, how pure and powerful it was. You’re sure that you’ll never experience anything like that again.

Hell, you might never fall in love again.

Those thoughts don’t do anything to help you, though, so you try not to have them. You get clearance from the doctor and get cleaned up as much as you can without taking a full body shower. The idea to go back to your room and take one crosses your mind but you know that Steve’s probably done training, probably heading back for his own shower, and you don’t want to open that can of worms. Instead, you go to the common room and drop into the couch between Peter and Tony. They’re talking about something something science something something, but you pull your stack of books and notebooks out from the shelf underneath the coffee table and continue outlining your essay from where you left off. The assignment was focused on how the end of WW1 changed American life and then how life changed leading up to and during WW2 but that had hit a little too close to home for you, so you’re writing about the racial tension and overall racism of the times. Tony and Peter keep talking over your back and then you hear footsteps heading toward the common room.

You barely look up when they enter - Nat and Bucky - because it’s fine. It’s normal. They’re just two of Steve’s best friends, that’s all, nothing to be jumpy about. You don’t even register that emotional pain that hits when you realize that, yeah, you’re not one of his best friends anymore. You doubt you’re even considered a friend in his book.

You groan and lean back into the couch, bringing your study materials with you. Peter glances over, skimming over your page and a half of shorthand, and gags. “Jesus, can you write like a normal person?”

“Oh, sorry,” You say lazily, not looking up as you continue to scribble in your incomprehensible code, “I do forget that some of us had privacy at home.” You lift your lips just a little bit to let Peter know you’re kidding, looking up at him through your lashes as you slouch next to him. He looks red in the face. “Besides, once you have to start doing mission reports you’ll be begging me to learn my shorthand and use my stenography machine.”

“I keep telling you that I can update that ol’ thing,” Tony draws your attention. For the first time, you realize that Nat and Bucky are on the loveseat looking at you expectantly. Steve is standing in the corner over their shoulder reading a book from the bookshelf in front of him. His back is tense and he looks like he’s not reading, just listening. You force your eyes back to Tony on your right and shake your head.

“No, because then you’d know my shorthand and it makes me too happy to see you spend hours trying to decipher it.” His eyes wander to your essay again, trying to find any patterns that he can use to figure out what the hell you’re writing on anything ever. He’s opening his mouth to make a smart-ass remark that will no doubt lift some of the weight off of your shoulders when another voice speaks up.

“Wow,” Steve doesn’t even look at you even as he says your name sardonically, “Way to be a team player.” Your mind comes to a screeching halt, trying to figure out what the fuck he’s playing at. Even Bucky and Nat look surprised at the cold way he spoke to you, Tony and Peter both gasping from your side. You can’t say anything, throat tight and burning with tears as you stare at your boyfriend with raised eyebrows. What do you say to that? How do you respond? You know it wasn’t a joke because he’s not laughing, not smiling, not even looking up from that fucking book in his hands. You can’t tell if you’re more hurt or embarrassed, but either way, you don’t want to stick around for someone to get the nerve to say something.

Instead of replying, you slam your textbooks shut and bundle everything into your arms. You doubt Steve even notices that you’re making such a hasty retreat but if he does, he doesn’t say a fucking thing. You feel like you’re in high school - practically running through an empty hallway with your notebooks and textbooks pressed to your chest, trying not to cry. It’s ridiculous. You’re a trained assassin, you’re an Avenger, you are strong and powerful and yet… And yet. You’ve given so much of your heart and soul to Steve Rogers that he can knock you down eight pegs without even trying. Without even looking at you. You can’t wait to go on this fucking recon mission, where you can put all of your focus on making sure Peter is doing okay and gathering the intel. Where you can stop thinking about how easily Steve Rogers seems to be pushing you to the side.

You spend the next two days writing your essay, ignoring almost everyone, and working on your essay. On the day of the recon mission, you’re running out the door for your eight a.m lecture, printed essay in hand, and reminding Tony that he promised to pick you up on campus after class for the mission.

You’re lucky that you went, too. You hadn’t counted on the professor making everyone stand up and tell the class the subject of their essays - didn’t realize that it would be twenty-five percent of the grade on the paper. You’ll never understand college professors and the weird shit they do, but the class is informative and entertaining. He goes around the room, starting on the opposite side of you, so you’ll be last. Great.

Several students did their papers on the propaganda of the time, one student was brave and did her essay on the ethical dilemma of the super-soldier serum and eugenics, and most of the other students focused on pop culture and how it changed. When your professor looks at you it’s almost like he’s expecting you to have done nothing but fawn over Steve and Bucky, considering you know them personally. He looks surprised when you clear your throat, stand and say: “I focused on the casual and institutional racism that faced non-white Americans at the time.” You almost preen when he looks impressed and then the shame fills you. It’s just… You want Steve to be proud of you. You want him to congratulate you on going back to school, even if it’s just for one class. You want him to be happy and surprised that he was the inspiration for taking the class.

Though, lately, the class has been more for you than for him. You like learning new things, pushing the boundaries of assignments, making people uncomfortable with the truth of the times you’re studying as told to you by two people who lived it. It’s nice. Normal.

Everyone needs a little bit of normal.

But, honestly, normal is fucking boring. By the time your class is over and you’re handing in your essay it’s like ants are crawling over your skin. A combination of nerves from the upcoming mission, a head full of fog from whatever is happening with Steve, and a little bit of fear at the thought of taking Peter into the field has you bolting for the door the moment your essay is taken from you. You’d worn your tac-suit underneath a pair of baggy sweats and a loose hoodie, so you don’t even bother slowing down as you head toward the car that Tony has waiting for you. He’s in the front seat, grinning at you from underneath his aviators and Peter is driving.

You slip into the backseat without thinking or looking at who’s there, tossing your bag in the back and peeling your hoodie off. “God, Tone, we’re goin’ to die before we even get to the mission with Petey driving.” You toss your hoodie back to join your bag and finally see who’s sitting next to you.

Of course, it’s Steve. He’s looking at you - but not really. He’s looking through you, like he can’t stand that you’re both crammed in the backseat of Tony’s electric car. His gaze catches you and holds you in place. Everything around you goes cold and fuzzy, making you miss Peter’s indignant complaining that he has his license so he should be able to drive… And then Steve scoffs and looks out his window, ignoring you. It stings but you have a job to do. You make some witty retort back to Peter, but it falls flat as you struggle out of your sweats. This is what life is, you think. Relationships aren’t meant to be forever - you learned that at a young age.

Until your accident at fifteen, you had watched your parents run out of helium, their relationship expanding and cooling in arguments, in days spent not talking, in trips to your grandparents without the other, in passive-aggressive computer searches for divorce attorneys left open for anyone to see. Then, after you were trapped between those machines - after you spent hour after agonizing hour with electricity pressing between your atoms, being torn apart and rebuilt as a young god - after that day you watched them expand against each other before the neutron core of their relationship collapsed on itself and the resulting supernova sent you to the streets. But then Fury found you. Then Tony, then Nat, then Steve.

Your parents exploded out from each other and the shockwaves ruined your life. At least now, your relationship with Steve is ending silently. There’s no explosion, no collapse, no rapid expansion to take over your cosmos. Your relationship with Steve is simply approaching the event horizon, where it will hang in the air until one of you takes the final step and you both become frozen, two collapsing objects on opposite sides of the universe. Maybe that’s what you already are. You feel so far away from him in the back of Tony’s car - like he’s eons and light-years away from you - and you feel so cold. Frozen, down to the bone. It makes you stiff in your replies to Tony and Peter, slow on the uptake when the car pulls up to the quinjet, nearing stasis and unable to respond when Nat asks if you’re okay.

Finally, you turn to look at her, nodding. “Fine,” You clear your throat, “Been a rough day.” You do your best to smile at her, but your face feels heavy. Your chest feels cold and tight, making you worry about your performance on the upcoming mission. When Peter shakes his head next to you, discreetly telling Nat not to press, you’re focused on Steve and the electricity humming in the most base part of your body.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. You turn away and force yourself to smile, throwing a weak and numb arm over Peter’s shoulders. “Are you ready for this, Pete?” You jostle him back and forth, leading him toward the sitting area behind the cockpit. “Gonna get your ass kicked?”

“Please,” He shoves you off, nervously laughing, “Not with the skills you’ve taught me.” He mimics throwing webs, making hissing noises under his breath, and you bark out a laugh, shaking your head.

“You’re payin’ my medical bills when I have to save your ass, Spidey.” You shake your head and strap in next to the wall, Peter taking the seat to your right. Tony, from the aisle across from you, points a thick finger your way.

“You don’t pay medical bills anymore,” He waggles his finger, “So you’ll just have to make him do your homework for a week.”

“Mister Stark!”

“He’ll have to earn shorthand to do your essays,” Nat chimes in from between Bucky and Steve, who are both doing their best to not look at you - or anyone really. “You willing to share that with him?”

You lean back in your seat and jab at Peter with your elbow. “Hell no, so I guess Spider-Boy better do his best.” The arachnid in question grumbles, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.

“No pressure, right?” He complains, “Not like I’m already nervous or anything.”

“You’ll do fine, kid,” Bucky pipes up, drawing your eyes back to Steve, “It’s goin’ to be a cakewalk.”

“Don’t jinx it, Barnes,” You warn half-heartedly, tucking in on yourself, “We need this to be easy.” From the look on his face - everyone’s face, really - you know that they heard you loud and clear when you were really saying I need this to be easy.

After an uneasy laugh from Bucky, a claustrophobic silence settles over you all as the jet begins to take off. You’re in for an hour ride and plan to spend it going over battle plans with Peter when harsh whispering catches your ear. It’s Bucky and Steve nearly crushing Nat between them until she gets up and sits across from Peter, rolling her eyes. Still, you try your best to run him through the actions you both had planned - the names, the setups you needed to execute them, everything. If something happens to Peter, you’ll never forgive yourself.

And then, cutting through your soft promptings to Peter and his equally soft replies, Bucky’s voice. “Leave it, Steve. Until after this mission.” Even Tony looks up from his tablet, curiosity piqued. Their faces are both red, set hard and angry at each other and your stomach drops. What the hell is going on that Steve ‘Till The End Of The Line Rogers is fighting with Bucky You And Me, Pal Barnes? You must shift, or lean too far into Steve’s eyesight, because for the first time in what feels like years he is looking directly at you - and seeing you, too. It makes your pulse jump and, almost instinctively, you want to reach out and ground yourself on the rubber of the seat underneath you.

You don’t get the chance, though, because Steve speaks. “No, why should I? This is clearly affecting the team.” He’s still looking - glaring - at you like you’ve done something wrong. “What’s the point of waiting? I’ve been waiting to talk about this.”

“Bo, I don’t think this is the time,” Bucky looks over his shoulder at you, then, and you know what’s coming. You know that it’s time, that Steve is about to break up with you in front of your teammates. Your friends. Your family. You steel yourself for the anguish you’re about to feel and then jerk your chin out, hardening your resolve.

“Buck, it’s fine. If Steve wants to address something, he can.”

Natasha says your name, a low warning over the hum of the quinjet. “I think he should wait.”

“Well, I’m not goin’ to wait!” Steve unbuckles himself and stands, “I have tried waiting, and look at where that has gotten me.” He puts his hands on his hips and puffs out a breath. You unbuckle and stand, too, unsure of where this is going. “You need to,” He holds one hand out, pointing at you while his voice shakes. You notice his hand is shaking, too, but fractionally. If you didn’t know Steve as well as you do you may have never noticed it. “You need to get it together.”

“I need to get it together?” You question, eyebrows nearly hitting the ceiling with how fast they shoot up. You’re not totally sure you’ve heard him right because what do you have to get together? The broken shards of your relationship? The information and research for your final paper? The awful way you’ve let yourself be treated for what seems like forever?

“You heard me,” Steve says, at the same time Bucky leans his head back and groans deep in his chest. “What? Someone had to say it.”

“We should wait for this,” Nat speaks up again, but lifelessly. She knows now that you and Steve are both on the warpath, neither of you are going to stop. (That’s also why the two of you work together as a couple so well. Very rarely are you both so worked up about something that you can’t back down, so the other is always there to meet you halfway and get you back to earth.)

“No, no, no,” You say, near hysterically, “No, he wants to do this now? Before a mission? Instead of the fuckin’ weeks we had to hash whatever crawled up his ass and died out? Be my guest. He’s already dragged everyone into this by treating me like a pariah.” You’re not sneering, but your teeth are gritted so tightly together you can hear them scraping and feel a tension headache beginning to bloom in your temples. Bucky looks… Almost incredulous at your statement. Like putting the blame on Steve is a dick move or something.

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy here?” Steve is curling his lip, glaring at you. There’s something behind his eyes, but he’s buried it so deep that you can’t reach it and figure out what it is. “I’m the bad guy, right. Right, right, right.” He scoffs, shakes his head, and then he’s running his fingers through his hair like he really can’t believe what you’re saying to him.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think?” You throw your hands out to the side and let them slap back down on your thighs. “You ignore me, you make me feel like shit, you talk down to me like I’m some insignificant foot soldier. How else am I supposed to take that, Steve?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe ask me what’s wrong? Maybe ask me why I’m acting like this, instead of ignoring all of your problems like a child?” He mirrors your moments, but the sound his hands make when they hit the outside of his suit is more powerful than yours. Fueled by anger, you think. Anger and whatever the hell was in the serum Erskine pumped into Steve.

“Ask you?” You repeat, near-hysterical, “Ask you? Oh yeah, let me get right on that. Hey, Mister Rogers? Mister Captain America? Mister Ignores-His-Partner-For-God-Knows-Why? Hey, just why are you doin’ that?” You’re surprised that you’ve said something so snotty, but you don’t back down. (Steve looks surprised, too, and Bucky has stood up next to his friend like he’s about to start berating you as well. At least he looks more cautious about it, like he’s not totally sure that this fight should be happening.)

The more surprising part of your fight is how fast it’s shut down. Tony and Nat stand at the same time and exchange a glance like they’ve surprised each other. “That’s enough,” Tony starts.

Nat cuts him off. “I don’t care if you fight this one out instead of talking, but if you do it before this recon mission you two are going to blow it. Do you understand me?” She looks dangerous, the sharp edge of a knife spiraling through the air. You force yourself to look away from her, from Tony, from Bucky, from Steve. She’s right. You know she’s right - especially on this mission. Peter is there, going to be in real danger even though there’s not supposed to be one Hydra agent in a four-mile radius. You have to clear your mind and focus on protecting him.

Steve seems to think the same thing because he stands down. When you watch him collapse in on himself, Bucky’s arms around his shoulders, into the little quinjet seats your everything aches. Heart, lungs, eyes - everything. Even though you don’t know what’s going on, what could have possibly happened to make your relationship sink this quickly and out of the blue, you still love him. He’s still The One for you. You still want to be the one to comfort him and make him feel whole when he’s struggling.

But you can’t. You can’t and it kills you.

The heat of battle makes a lot of things fade into the background. Important things like why the fuck are there Hydra agents here? and Steve is going to break up with you when you get back on the jet and Tony swore on the fucking limited edition AC/DC vintage tour poster he has in his office that this would be an easy in/easy out information mission. None of that matters, though, because you’re in deep shit. There are seventeen of them, all primed to the teeth with weapons made to take your team down permanently.

You’re practically glued to Peter, calling out commands and plans for him to initiate. It’s when all of your plans fall through that you take a hit from a heavy fist on purpose, hitting the ground hard. “Plan F, Spidey, Plan F!” You cover the instruction with a groan and then you’re back on your feet, working your way toward him.

“Plan F?” Tony says, somewhere above you in his suit. Your comms crackle ominously as another heat-seeking grenade is launched, interfering with the radio waves your tech relies on. You don’t worry about it, because you know Tony is on it. He’s your eyes in the sky.

Peter is the one who answers his question, watching your close hand-to-hand tilt out of your favor briefly. “Plan Fuck It, Mister Stark.” He grunts as he webs up a Hydra agent, jerking him away from where he was about to slip a knife up and under Natasha’s kevlar. You finally drop the guy in front of you, ignoring Steve’s disappointed Language! and toss one of your knives toward Nat for her to use. Tony is still laughing in your ear, wheezing as he drops down and snags the rifle from one of the snipers and then takes back off.

What your little protégé failed to mention about Plan F is that it’s not just chaos, but controlled chaos. You let loose, letting a soft current cover every inch of your skin as Peter switches to his conductive webbing and takes special care to not web any of his allies. Except for you - if you’re in the way and he catches you in a web it doesn’t matter because you’re you, alive with electricity that drops the men that get caught in the web, too. You rip out of the webs and turn the current off when one of your teammates gets too close.

More Hydra agents are pouring out of the woods, topping out their numbers around twenty-five. That’s twenty-five too many in your opinion, especially when you can see Peter getting tired, his anxiety spiking, his moves having more and more hesitation behind them. You need to get this over with quickly, but you don’t have the options to do that. Steve, Bucky, and Nat are really the heavy-hitters - you, Pete, and Tony are the only ones without serums despite all of your individual abilities. Desperately you reach out for a web that’s still connected to Peter’s arms, pulling him out of the way of a baton that’s about to come down on the back of his neck.

The baton the agent is wielding glints in the coming dusk, freezing you as Peter scrambles past you with a quick apology. You’ve seen that before - seen it, felt it, know it like the back of your hand. There’s no way that you could ever forget that weapon. The man stumbles when his hit doesn’t connect but then rights himself and searches for a new target.

A long, black baton that splits into two prongs at the end is heavy in his hand. Electricity crackles between the bulbs at the end, flashing in the setting sun and your memories. The man only has one, but if it was hooked up to a machine, spinning. If there were four, five, six. If you were pinned between them, screaming in the pain as they rewrote your DNA… You’ve only felt it once, but you’ll never forget it.

And now, you’ll taste it again. On purpose this time. The man holding the stun baton is going for Steve’s back - his strong back, the one that protects people, the one that holds the weight of the world, the one that lays in your bed, the one you see whipping out of rooms as you’re entering just so that he doesn’t have to look at you - and you can’t let that happen. It only takes ten amps to kill a regular human, but you know those things are cranked up to twenty minimum. You don’t want to see how many amps of current it will take to stop Steve’s heart. You’re between the baton and Steve before you can think about what you’re doing or what comes next, the hard bulbs settling unyielding into your side and cranking out maximum power for maximum damage as soon as the current is connected and able to flow from one bulb to the other.

The pain hits you and your throat catches on it. It burns through your body, setting everything on fire - your chest hurts as your heart protests the electrons and then your powers kick in, sweeping them into your very atoms and cells. You’re a live wire now, ears humming and body thrumming with power you’ve only dreamed of. It hurts, and it burns, and you feel tears rising in your eyes because you’re back there - back begging for death or for life or for God and god at the same time - but then it’s over. The man sees that you’re not seizing up, not dropping dead in front of him, and he takes three steps back.

It’s not far enough.

You’ve only felt like this once before - right after you were unhooked from the machine that changed your life and brought you to your new family. You remember how you looked when you were put in front of a mirror with all of the pent up electricity circling your body - how your eyes were filled to the brim and dripping with bright and blue electricity, the way it was jumping across your body, how you didn’t need to breathe because your body was fully saturated with pure, unadulterated power. You wonder if you look like that now and assume you do because you can see the bright blue reflecting in the terrified eyes of the Hydra agent.

Your suit, unlike everyone else’s, is not grounded. It’s metal, metal, metal. You’re made to conduct, born for it, and the earth beneath you comes alive with bright white as you release all of the energy, the power, surges down and out. You’re practiced. You can reach out and feel the synapses and neurons of every human being in the clearing, know exactly where your teammates are standing, and know exactly how to target everything but them and the pitiful amount of electricity their brains carry. You grin, something truly feral and unhinged, and you can see the fear in the Hydra agent. Then, you let go.

You know that everyone is going to be pissed. (Maybe not everyone.) You’re not built for this, not made to take down nearly twenty fucking people at once. As you let go, you feel what they feel. The seizing muscles, the stopping of their hearts, the inside of their bodies crisping against their bones. At that moment, that delicious moment, you see the universe.

You become God. You become everything - your mother and your father and God and god and anyone else who’s watching your life from the ether. You become the judge, jury, and executioner of souls that you don’t know from Adam. You become lightning, and thunder, and exposed nerves of the cosmos at the same time. The world bends to your will and you relish in it, taking that power in your fist and wielding it to protect the man you’ll love for the rest of your life and the family that you’ve made. You will stop at nothing to end this, even if it means turning yourself inside out to do it.

You damn near do turn yourself inside out too, but that doesn’t matter, does it? The blood spilling from your ears, nose, and eyes feels like heaven. It’s hot, and thick, and it’s proof of the power that your body holds. You’re a temple and a sanctuary, a war-room and a bunker, a field of flowers and a sun-dry desert. It does not matter if Steve doesn’t love you at that moment, because you are love and hate wrapped into one package. You are everything and nothing, spread thin at the beginning and the end of time.

And then none of that is true. You are just… You. Standing in a clearing, surrounded by twenty-something dead Hydra agents and your terrified, terrified family. It hurts to breathe and you can taste blood in your mouth, but that’s an afterthought. Steve is still standing behind you, but he is alive. That is what matters.

This is what love is, you think.

Pain and pleasure.

Even if he leaves you, you will always love him.

Pain and pleasure.

You’re weak at the knees when he finally turns to see you - and you’re a sight. Struggling to stand, fingertips blackened with soot but not burnt, blood pouring from your nose, ears, eyes… You look like death, but you feel like life. Someone says something behind you - Peter, maybe? Or maybe Tony, in your comms? - but you don’t hear it. Everything tunnels out, your weak knees finally collapsing as you keel backward.

Steve bears down upon you almost immediately. You’re halfway to unconsciousness when he wraps you up in his arms, keeping you from falling in with the pile of bodies around you. He’s saying your name, harsh and soft and then in a voice like he’s ordering you to wake up. You loll about as he drops you down onto a patch of clear grass, hands searching your body for wounds. When he skims over your side, where the baton has burnt through your suit and your flesh, you surge back toward being able to have cohesive thoughts. The pain brings you back, hands wrapping around Steve’s arm and calling out his name. “Steve! Fuck, that hurts!”

“Honey,” He breathes, “Fuck, we have to get you back to the jet.” His jaw ticks, hair dirty and loose from its normal style. “Why’d you do that?” Steve doesn’t wait for an answer from you, ordering Peter to web something up to carry you over your protests.

“I’m fine,” You argue, only slurring slightly, “I feel fine.” But you’re going to let Nat and Bucky load you up on the webbed stretcher anyway because it’s the first time Steve has cared for you in a long time. You want to relish in this moment, the way that he didn't say your name but called you honey.

Well, and because Natasha slides a thumb across her neck over Steve’s shoulder in a silent threat.

You groan when Bucky accidentally grabs your calf where there is an absolutely awful stab wound, but you wave off his apology. “How could you have known?” To be honest, you hadn’t even known it was there until his Vibranium hand was slipping against it and sending shockwaves of pain through you. Peter is next to you the whole time that you’re being carried back to the jet - Tony staying back to begin scanning the bodies of the Hydra agents for the information you need and any other information they may be carrying. The poor kid is nearly at a breakdown, so you reach out to him and shake his arm when his fingers twine with yours. “Chill out, kid, I don’t know how you got it into your head that this is your fault, but it sure isn’t.” He sniffles, but hands back with Steve as Bucky and Nat get you situated in the small medical room of the jet. They transfer you and then make to leave, only Bucky hesitating near the door.

“Stevie’s goin’ to be here soon and… I don’t know what made you do what you did but you have’t explain it to him. He’s bendin’ over backwards to figure it out, and we don’t have’a clue. Came out’a nowhere.” He looks at you for another moment before shaking his head and stepping out of the room. Your head is spinning, partially from what Bucky just said and partially from the pain and stimulus of electricity. You wait there, then, because this is it. This is the event horizon. You wait there, eyes closed, until you hear footsteps approach the med room, and then the door slowly opens. Steve says your name, holding all the finality and weight of an atomic bomb. You don’t open your eyes until he swings a chair next to the stretcher and lays a hand on your calf.

“You don’t have to do this,” You finally say, pushing yourself up onto your elbows to watch him. “I know that you don’t want to.” Steve only scoffs and begins to wash the stab wound using a packet of soap and a water bottle. You say his name twice before he looks at you, something between hate and hurt curdling into a glaze over his eyes that stops you in your tracks.

“Just let me do this. It is the least that you can do.” His words are painful and stilted, like it’s taking force to push them past his teeth. You lay back down and close your eyes, content to just feel the pain of Steve beginning to stitch you up and then dress the wound before you feel the pain of Steve leaving you like you knew he always would. (Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his.)

When he’s done he sits back and puts his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He heaves a heavy sigh and then shakes it off, “I’ll dress your burn, and then we’ll talk.” And normally, yes, you would agree but this is too important. You want to get it over with so you can lick your wounds metaphorically and dress them literally - and then you want to go home, you want to pack your bags, and you want to disappear and remake your life somewhere else.

Some far-off place where everyone you know won’t take one look at your face and know that you’re still painfully, deeply in love with Steve Rogers, end of your semester be damned. Family you’ve made be damned. You can’t sit around and be in love with him like a neon sign on a dark highway while it’s painfully clear that he hasn’t had a sign on his highway in a long time.

So instead of agreeing, you swing your legs over the stretcher and swallow your flinch when the burn pulls tight. Steve opens his mouth to argue but you give him a tight-lipped shake of your head and his jaw snaps shut. “No,” You say, voice not giving in to the emotion swirling in your chest. “I have let this go on long enough.”

It’s the wrong thing to say because Steve fucking scoffs again and looks away from you. “One day was long enough.” He says, cutting straight to your core. Okay, ouch. You take a deep breath and shake your head to try and bite back the tears that are inevitably rising in your eyes. If one day was long enough for him to realize he doesn’t want to be with you, why did he let it go on for nearly a full year? Why did he spend so long leading you on, pulling you by a thread before garroting your heart with it? What was the point?

“If you want to leave me, just say that,” You reply harshly, standing and wobbling away from him. He just watches you go, watches the way you struggle past the lead weights your muscles have become, the way you’re starting to feel the stab wound on your leg, the way the skin on your burn is beginning to blister and only just now losing its heat. He just watches you, where the Steve that loved you once upon a time might have helped. You turn your back on him, hands on your hips so that you can hide the way that you’re crying and your hands are shaking.

“If I want to leave you? If?” He says. You hear the scrape of his chair as he stands, “I think after what you’ve done, it’s not an if, sweetheart.” The way he says it tastes like iron. Steve never calls you sweetheart like he never calls you by your name. It’s always honey, lover, dovie. You don’t turn to face him because you’re struggling to keep yourself above water. “I spent so long thinkin’, wonderin’, askin’ myself - God damnit, will you look at me?” You turn slowly, not because you’ve never heard Steve speak like that but because his voice is desperate and raw. When you turn, you’re not sure what to expect. Maybe him, standing in front of you, broad-shouldered and disappointed like in those PSA’s he had to film once. Maybe he’d be angry, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed like he gets in meetings when he doesn’t agree with something but he’s out-voted. But you never expect to see him crying, lip wobbling, folded in on himself like a young boy instead of the strong, invincible man you’ve come to love.

He looks so different.

It hits you, then, that you’re not looking at Steve Rogers. Not really. He's not Steve Rogers, not Captain America, not even Captain Rogers. You see him as he was - before America spat it’s untruths all over him and injected him with a serum that changed who he was, is, will be. He’s not the able-bodied man that you know, not strong and unreachable, not the heartthrob that overshadows the team during press events. He’s not America’s Darling, not really. Not where it counts.

You’re looking at Stevie Rogers. Stevie Rogers who, for all intents and purposes, was supposed to die before he made it out of toddlerhood or soon thereafter. Stevie Rogers who the doctors said wasn’t supposed to survive. Stevie Rogers who grew up sickly, rattling painful breaths and never playing ball with the neighborhood boys. Who couldn’t walk until middle school when he got his braces off. Who never had a partner because Bucky, strong and handsome and tall Bucky, was always deemed the better option. Who believed in his country so much that he tried to sneak into the second world war, subjected himself to a painful medical procedure so that he could change his very DNA to be what the world wanted him to be.

Captain Steve Rogers. Captain America. Strong, blond, patriotic, resilient.

You’re sure that if men don’t want to go to therapy now, in the modern age, they certainly didn’t want to go in the ‘40s. So where did that leave Steve, your Steve, standing in front of you and looking small, and broken, and sad, and alone? Did they expect him to take his new, taller, working body and run with it? Did they not think about how he would lose a part of himself in the process? How did they expect him to go from disabled to abled without some disconnect?

You think about the You That You Were Before and the You That You Are Now, and how you lost a part of yourself when the accident gave you your powers and how you’d lose yourself if someone figured out a way to take them away. You Before formed your identity around being normal - living in a shitty home with shitty parents, sure, but normal - and You Now form your identity around your powers, your team, your job, your love. If you lost those things, what did you have left? Who would you be?

When Steve lost his identity and became everything that America wanted everyone to think that America was, what did he have left? Sure, he could tell himself that he represents America - strong and patriotic and just - but it must have conflicted with everything he knew about himself before that. You know that disabled people now know that American society is unjust, unfit for them with abled people not willing to make room to allow them to thrive. You can only imagine what it was really like for Steve in the ‘20s and ‘30s and ‘40s. What he had to do just to survive. (Medical experimentation, you remind yourself. Did they know it wouldn’t kill him? Did they know his body wouldn’t rip itself apart with the new sinewy muscle they were packing on? Did they care? Or was he just a body they saw as broken? A project to fix? To turn him into something more like them and call it patriotism?)

You shake your head at him, still filled with despair, and try to figure out what he’s talking about. “Stevie,” You start, pet name easily replacing what you had been calling him because it’s not fair to shoe-horn him into a body that doesn’t feel like his own. You wonder if he still expects the bone-grinding pain that he used to tell you would happen when it rains. He raises a hand, a strong and family hand, shaking his head.

“I just need to know why I wasn’t enough for you,” Steve looks sad, slouching in on himself like he’s expecting to get his ass handed to him in another alleyway and hope Bucky is there to save him. “I need to know why you wouldn’t just break up with me if you wanted to see other people so badly.” You suck in a shocked breath because, okay, that’s not what you were expecting. Between that and the paradigm shift you’ve had on how Steve must view his identity, body, and self, you’re stunned. Steve continues like he doesn’t even register that you look shocked and pale and now you’re crying because he thinks you’re cheating on him? “And I get it. I get it. You have no idea how much I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want me either, okay?”

You cut him off there because what the actual God damn fuck is he talking about? “No, Stevie, I’m not cheating on you.” You shake your head again and this, your statement, lights a fire in him. He still looks like Stevie rather than Steve, but there’s anger there. You imagine that’s what it might have looked like moments before he got himself in trouble back before he was serumed. “I’m not.”

“Oh, yeah?” He challenges, jaw ticking and chin jerking up, “Oh, yeah? You can’t lie to me. I know, okay? The act is up, it’s over, I know, okay? You can stop pretending.”

“Steve, I do not fucking know what you’re talking about but I”m not cheating on you!” You raise your voice, not really angry but more out of necessity. You need to get it out of his head that he is anything less than everything you want - that you could possibly love anyone more than you love him.

“I wanted to clarify something for you,” Steve says like he’s reading an old script from when he was just a beefy, red/white/blue stage prop for the American military, “I am excited to meet with you, but there are some rules. Do not talk about Captain Steve Rogers. I don’t want to hear about him,” As he continues to recite something that has clearly hurt him, you go lax. You know exactly what’s happened - your fists unclench, your jaw drops a little bit, and it feels like someone has gutted you, “I think it is wise to keep work and pleasure separate, and it’s a rule I will enforce heavily. I look forward to seeing you again.” He’s sneering at the end, tears falling down his ruddy cheeks.

“Steve,” You try again, but he cuts you off.

“Am I just work for you?” His voice is shaking more than you thought possible, and so are his hands. You’ve never seen Steve so off-kilter, so thrown, and it breaks your heart that yes, technically, you’re the cause of this. Before this, before this horrible misunderstanding, your relationship with Steve was the paragon of trust so neither of you cared if the other read emails or texts. You remember the email - the email from your fucking college professor - because it had made you so angry that he’d referred to your relationship with Steve as something as simple and base as just pleasure - like you could even put words to the galaxy of a relationship you had with Steve - that you’d gone to the gym to work off some of that irritation. You hadn’t wanted to take it out on anyone accidentally. When you came back from the gym, Steve was gone on that two-week mission that he’d left on without saying goodbye.

Oh, God. You feel sick to your stomach as the paradigm of the way that Steve’s been treating you shifts violently to the left. You have to physically hold yourself up and try to speak past the lump in your throat. Steve looks… Brokenly smug. Like he knows he’s right, but he’d rather gnaw his own legs off than be right.

“No,” You croak, “No, Steve, you’ve got it all wrong.” You want to reach for him, but it feels like the room is closing in on you. You’re second-guessing everything now - especially what you’ve just said. How many people said the exact same thing to him pre-serum because they said something meant for Bucky to him? How many times did he hear that when he was getting a new diagnosis, hoping for the best? How many times had his own mother said it to him when he told her something someone had said, fresh-faced and not yet used to the way that abled people sometimes treated disabled people? You think you might be sick. “That email was from my professor, Steve. I’m not cheating on you, I’d never.” He laughs darkly and sits back down in his chair, head in his hands again. You try to gather the strength to move toward him when you see his shoulders shaking, a telltale sign that he’s crying.

“A professor,” He says with a watery laugh, “Right.”

Finally, you realize that he needs you, needs to know you love him, that you’d do anything for him. You can iron out the kinks later - figure out why he didn’t want to come to talk to you past the original hurt, why he treated you so coldly, why he didn’t trust that you wouldn’t do this to him - but now, you need to show him that you’re here. That you choose him. That you’ll always choose him.

You make your way to him and set a shaking hand on his shoulder. For a brief second you think he’s going to shake you off but then Steve’s hand shoots up and latches onto where your hand is resting, dipping his head to press against your arm. “Stevie, please,” You say, unsure of what you’re asking him to do, “I picked up a class, just one, and it’s… I picked it up for you, it’s about the ‘30s and ‘40s and…” He looks up at you and he looks so broken - face ruddy and wet with tears, lip wobbling, chest heaving as he tries to not sob. His brows are knit and he looks confused, “I just wanted to be able to understand you better. You had to leave so much of yourself at the door when you joined the Avengers, had to leave so much of yourself in the ice… In Erskine’s lab… Stevie, I just wanted you to be able to be you when you’re with me. I wanted to know the you that you were before you became Captain America.” Your voice is shaking, knees knocking together, and honestly? You feel like you might blackout.

“What?” He rasps, “What?”

“He sent that email because too many kids signed up for his class thinking that they’d be able to look at pictures of you and Buck for a semester. Emailed me directly because he knows we’re…” You choke on your words, shaking your head because you’re not even sure there’s a we anymore, “Because he knows I’m on the team. Didn’t want me walking in and making his class about just a few years in the ‘30s and ‘40s rather than the culture of the time.” You don’t know how else to explain it to him, but Steve isn’t saying anything - practically isn’t moving or breathing- so you continue to try and explain what’s really happening as best as you can, “And - and that email made me so angry because he singled me out, didn’t email anyone else about it, and I left to try and work some of that out; I didn’t want to take it out on you, or let it spoil - let it spoil… But when I came back from the gym, you were gone. You were gone for two weeks and I didn’t know why.” You’re crying harder now and pretty sure that within the next sixty seconds you’re going to collapse if you don’t sit down.

Steve shakes his head, still looking like he doesn’t understand. “What?” He says for a third time, “A class? A college class?”

“I just wanted to feel closer to you,” You confess, “Just wanted to understand a fraction of your life without making you do the heavy liftin’ and teachin’ me. Shouldn’t have’t do that,” You’re sobbing, barely biting out your words as you realize that something you’ve done to strengthen your relationship with Steve has destroyed it, “Shouldn’t have to explain a whole different time just to feel loved, Stevie. Should be able to be with someone who understands without you havin’ to explain.” You’re not sure you can say Peggy’s name out loud, and you hope he understands what you’re saying without making you actually say it, “Should’a been able to have love with someone who knew, and I know I’m nothin’ compared to what you should’a had, but I want to be. I want to be in the same ballpark instead’a watchin’ from the stands.” You wipe your face with your free hand and look away from Steve when he stands in front of you. You don’t want to see the look on his face - what he’s thinking about what you’ve said.

He says your name and you glance at him, but his expression stops him in your tracks. Where Steve looked broken and hurt and fuming with anger to hide the anguish, now he looks stricken. You shake your head, “No, no. I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty-”

“You think that I care about whether or not you can understand the ‘40s?” He cuts you off, hands moving to curl around your biceps, “You think that I care whether or not you can relate to a time in history when you weren’t even thought of?”

“Of course I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, but you shouldn’t have to not care, Steve,” You argue, shaking your head, “That’s what I’m trying to say. You should be with someone who understands without explanation. I just wanted to give that to you - didn’t know that this would happen.”

“I should be with someone who loves me,” He argues back, “If you love me, that’s all that matters. My past be damned.”

“But your past is you!” You try to pull away from Steve, but he anchors you there. You’re dizzy from being so close to him after this long, but also because of how many different twists this situation has taken. You can barely keep up with how bad your communication with Steve has become - barely keep up with how you need to fix it, or how to fix it. “Your past is you,” You repeat when you realize that Steve isn’t going to let you go. “And you shouldn’t have to give that up so that someone will love you.”

“But you love me,” He says desperately, ducking his head so that he’s nearly nose to nose with you, “You love me, right?”

“More than anything,” You say, closing your eyes and relishing in the feeling of being so close to Steve, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, or anyone else. I’ll even stop goin’ to class if you want me to - Steve, I just can’t do this anymore. Can’t do this thing where you don’t talk to me about what’s botherin’ you.” You’re choking up, barely whispering, but you know he hears you. YOu can feel his warm breath on your face, “Nearly fuckin’ killed me.”

“I thought it was goin’ to be easier,” He breathes, nose bumping yours, “When you eventually decided to leave me for him. Thought I was savin’ myself some trouble.” You can practically taste his tears as they fall again, “Buck and Nat tried to tell me that you weren’t - that you wouldn’t - but I just couldn’t believe them.”

When you open your eyes, his are closed. This close to him you can see the soft freckles that are blooming over his eyelids, his soft eyelashes kissing his cheekbones. You can feel him breathing, feel him nearly pressed against you in a way that feels hauntingly nostalgic and terrifyingly fleeting; like you’ll be able to feel his warmth for years to come, but he’s about to disappear. “That’s okay,” You finally whisper, “It’s okay that you didn’t believe them. That you thought what you thought. It’s okay.” He shakes his head against yours, opening his mouth to protest, but you refuse to let him feel guilty about feeling this way - you have plenty of time to sit him down and talk to him candidly about the way he acted because of these feelings, anyway. “If I would have been in your place I’m not sure I would have believed them.”

“I treated you so badly…” He shifts and wraps his arms around you. It’s almost immediate - you relax into his arms and wind yours around his waist, keeping him pulled against you as he presses his face into your neck and you press your cheek against his chest. “So awfully.”

“We’ll talk about that, okay? But later. Right now you just need to know that I love you, Steve. I love you more than I can tell you - more than I can express.” You want to kiss him, but you can’t. Can’t kiss him, you need to wait for him to kiss you, for him to close that gap and show you that he still loves you like you love him. “We’ll have to have a talk, a long and hard conversation about this, Stevie, but for now… For now, I’m just content to be with you, okay? MIssed you so much.”

He sighs, nose pressing against yours again. “Missed you too, dovie. Missed you more than I can even say,” His voice breaks as his lips brush yours. Your relationship is not without its flaws and problems - Steve’s actions when he thought you were cheating on him are proof of that and, well, the fact that you didn’t realize what was happening, why it was happening, or a large part of your boyfriend’s psychological makeup having an impact on your relationship while it went unknown by you… There is a lot of work for the two of you to do, a lot of work to do, a lot of communication to be done… But you’d do it all for Steve, over and over again.

When he presses forward and presses his lips gently to yours, you know that he’ll do it all for you, over and over again, too.

[butterflyyeo]

jealous

pairing — han jisung x reader

genre — angst (?)

tw — slightly suggestive (?)

wc — 3035

a/n — yall idk wtf this is im trying my best to get better at writing angsty (???) stuff so im really sorry if this is absolute trash T^T. feedback is appreciated !!

———————————

you hadn't seen your brother, chan, for a long time, six months to be exact and of course you missed him dearly. when he called to tell you that he was coming home for a while you nearly cried of joy, however, the happiness faded when he mentioned that he'd be bringing his band mates, that meant changbin... and han jisung.

it wasn't exactly a secret that you didn't get along with jisung, and you never knew why. he always just irked you a bit, and on purpose too. it was constant bickering between the two of you, fortunately, chan and changbin had learnt to tolerate it. speaking of changbin, you actually quite liked him and he was rather fond of you too. chan knew this, in fact, chan saw all the underlying tension between you and the rest of 3racha. he was thankful that he was your brother, but he didn't have to intervene, he was fully aware that you could handle these things on your own. unless of course you asked for help, and in that case, he would go to war for you.

a sturdy knock hit the door a few times and you ran to the door, unlocking it.

"channie!!" you leaped onto him and hugged him tightly. he dropped his bags down to the floor just so he could hug you back. "i've missed you so much!" you said as you hopped down and picked up both of his bags.

he grinned, "i've missed you too, y/n."

your smile dropped almost instantly as you saw jisung leaning against the doorway, a smirk across his face that just made you want to slap him. faking a smile, you greeted changbin, "hey changbin! good to see you." he gave you a sincere nod and smile before picking up his suitcase. "now chan, shall i put these in the guest room?" you asked, chan was already going through the fridge, looking for food.

"mm." he mumbled. you took it as a yes and heaved his bags to the guest room, dumping them beside the bed. as you turned around to help changbin with his luggage, someone blocked your way.

"you didn't say hello to me?" jisung questioned, though, it sounded more like a statement.

huffing, you responded, "why would i?"

"because you love me," he said as he leaned in close. "and you missed me."

"you must be confused." you shrugged and pushed past him. that was too close for comfort. you thought as you walked out and picked up changbin's last bag.

"hey y/n," chan began, "what's for dinner?"

you sighed, "i'm gonna have to go shopping chan, i don't have enough food for all of you." you went to put your shoes on and a jacket too, since it was getting late and more chilly outside. "who wants to chauffeur me to the grocery store?" you joked.

"anything for you, my love." jisung said teasingly as he held his hand out to you.

"uh, i'd rather not." you swatted his hand away. "c'mon changbin, let's go!" you said while dragging changbin up from the sofa. he groaned, but honestly he didn't mind so much. he was just being a big baby.

the car trip was short and quiet, mainly because changbin was tired from all the travelling they had done to get to your house. plus, their schedule has been so full lately, they were lucky to have this time off.

wandering through isles, you began picking up ingredients and placing them intro a trolley.

"you really missed us?" changbin began, "me and chan of course..." he trailed off but a playful smile tugged at his lips.

"of course i am! jisung on the other hand..." you rolled your eyes, pushing the trolley along.

he chucked, "you really still hate each other? after all these years?"

you huffed, a little too obnoxiously, "yes. i do still hate him. and i'm sure he despises me too. i don't even know what it is... it's just... the way he treats me. he acts like he deserves my friendship, which he doesn't. it's something you earn."

"remind me to never piss you off." changbin laughed as he put a bag of chips in the trolley.

once you had everything you needed you put it through the register, changbin insisted he paid, since you were letting the three of them live with you.

shortly after you arrived home, you began cooking. while he wasn't the best, changbin offered to help as best he could. you actually thought it was really sweet. he passed you utensils, condiments and he even set the table.

meanwhile, chan was fast asleep in the guest room and jisung was showering in the provided ensuite. you turned to changbin and high fived him, "we're all done! i should wake up chan. you can start eating if you want." proud of his efforts, changbin sat down and began to eat.

gently pressing the door open to the guest room, you whispered, "chan? dinner is ready." you walked over to him and was about to softly shake him when jisung walked out of the bathroom, only a towel around his waist. his tousled wet hair dripped little drops of water down his chest and it was rather overwhelming to see him so exposed.

contrary to your thoughts, he couldn't care less, he enjoyed watching the way you panicked and blushed heavily. if this is what it takes. he thought.

"oh! um, jisung. i'm so sorry, i was just coming to tell chan that dinner is ready, i should've knocked or-" you blurted out in a quiet voice, weary of chan waking up.

jisung let out a low chuckle, "it's fine, y/n. i'll wake him up once i've dressed."

"thanks," you said as you went to leave, "wait... no snarky comment?" you puzzled.

he said nothing, just winked at you as you closed the door.

you joined changbin at the dinner table, sitting across from him. "how's the food?" you asked as you took a bite for yourself.

"y/n it's amazing! you're seriously a great cook. man, i wish i was this good." he said as he took a small bite of the spaghetti you had prepared.

at that moment, chan dawdled out the door and jisung closely behind. they joined you at the table and also began eating.

"don't worry about it binnie, i can teach you to cook, years of living on my own without chan seems to have payed off a bit." you joked.

"binnie?" jisung questioned the nickname you had given to changbin, whilst changbin sat there furiously blushing. he tried to hide it by lowering his head but that honestly seemed it give it away more.

"sounds cute." you shrugged, not thinking much of it.

chan cleared his throat, "okay so here's the plan for tomorrow," he began, taking another bite of spaghetti, "changbin and i have to go talk to JYP about an upcoming show we are doing, so we could be gone all day with that. there's lots to plan."

"wait a second, why am i not going? i'm apart of 3racha too." jisung stated.

changbin replied, "did you get the email from him?"

jisung shook his head, "well, no but-"

"then you're not coming." changbin grinned cheekily, knowing this upset jisung.

when everyone had finished with their meal, changbin stood up and collected all the dirty dishes, only to begin washing them in the sink. you quickly tried to stop him, "oh, changbin! don't worry i can do that." you said as you tried to take over, but he refused.

"no. you won't. dinner was great! you've done enough for today, if we are gonna be living here for the next few weeks then i might as well be of some use." he smiled at you before nodding to the tv, signalling for you to relax.

tired as ever, chan come over and kissed your head goodnight before going back to sleep. by now it was nearly 10pm, you had a late dinner but that was because they arrived later than expected.

you sat down on the sofa and began browsing movies. you decided to watch your favourite, even though you've seen it a million times. once he was finished with the dishes, changbin joined you on the sofa to watch the movie, you quickly filled him in on all the little details of the plot.

jisung was still sitting at the dinner table, scrolling through his phone, he was contemplating coming to join the two of you in watching the movie, but decided against it when he saw changbin put his arm around you. rolling his eyes and scoffing a little too loud, jisung stood up and went to the guest room he was sharing with chan. he tried his best not to slam the door but somehow that didn't happen.

"huh, wonder what's up with him?" changbin asked, looking at the door wide eyed. "i'll go check, sorry, i'll be back in a sec." he followed jisung into the guest room, you heard changbin quietly ask if he was okay.

what started as a whispered discussion soon became a hushed argument, you were worried that soon they would start yelling at each other. luckily chan was a deep sleeper, he also slept with earphones in, so you were pretty sure he wouldn't hear any of it.

the minutes passed and their quarreling continued, you debated going in there to try and make some peace but you decided against it, this seemed to be something personal between the two of them. instead, you switched off the tv and the lights, and went got ready for bed. as you were about to close your eyes you heard the jingle of keys and the sound of the door opening and closing. whoever it was, you knew they could take care of themselves, they were both adults and probably just needed some space.

when you woke up, it was around 7am. you quickly threw a hoodie on over your shirt, feeling a bit cold and walked into the living space to see changbin, sleeping softly on the sofa. it only just occurred to you that there wasn't enough beds for all of you in your current living situation.

you gently peeked into chan's room to see him sprawled out, sleeping a deep sleep. you smiled to yourself, knowing that he got all the sleep he deserved. the empty bed in the room didn't go unnoticed however.

it was jisung who left last night. and he didn't seem to be back yet.

slightly worried, you decided to cook up some bacon and eggs for when the boys woke up.

"morning y/n." you turned around to see changbin leaning against the kitchen counter.

you smiled, "morning! sorry if i woke you up, i'm just making some breakfast, you've probably got time to shower if you want to before you eat."

"serious? man, what did we do to deserve you?" changbin said looking at you sincerely.

you laughed lightly, "nothing, now go! and please wake chan up when you get out."

he just chuckled as he walked away and closed the guest room door behind him. you wondered if you should make enough breakfast for jisung, would he be back soon? if he wasn't, he could just re-heat it, you thought.

the last few pieces of bacon finished cooking so you begin buttering the toast, you made a lot knowing that chan has a big appetite and there was a good chance they wouldn't have time to eat today. your train of thought was interrupted once again by changbin.

"anything i can do to help?" he asked, he was dressed quite smartly, but you understood as he was going to console with JYP himself.

"nope! i'm just about done, plus, you wouldn't want to dirty your clothes," you said as you began serving breakfast.

"ah okay, i woke chan up, he wanted to have a shower so he shouldn't be too much longer." he said, "can i?" he asked, pointing to one of the cups of steaming hot coffee you set on the counter.

"of course!" you said. a question burned in the back of your mind and you wondered if you should ask or not. "uh, changbin..." you began.

changbin knew exactly what you were about to say, "he's okay, y/n. he just wanted some space." his eyes stared at the wall blankly. there was more to this than needing space.

"so.. why was he upset then? you guys had a pretty heated argument.."

changbin's eyes met yours, "i'm sorry you had to hear that." he took a sip of coffee, "we just had a bit of a disagreement, it happens all the time... you see, the thing is-"

"good morning to my favourite people!" chan said as he waltzed out of the guest room, also looking rather sharp.

you and changbin smiled at his enthusiasm, "morning!" the two of you chimed back.

"breakfast made? hot coffee? you seriously are the best sister in the world! it's like we're staying at a five star hotel." chan said picking up a mug of coffee.

you laughed, "i'm your only sister."

he shrugged, "still the best," he took a sip and hummed, looking around the room, "hey, where's jisung?"

"i don't know. i heard him leave last night." you said, placing two plates of food at the dinner table.

chan sent a red hot glare at changbin, knowing exactly why jisung would've stormed out. changbin looked away sheepishly.

"okay, well, breakfast is ready! eat up, you guys have a busy day." you said sitting down in front of a plate.

chan and changbin began discussing things for later with JYP, while you just sat their mindlessly eating your breakfast. you still couldn't help but wonder where jisung had went, and why he wasn't back yet.

you had completely zoned out and was just picking at the scraps of your plate when chan spoke, "well that was seriously great y/n! what a good way to start the day."

you smiled at your brother, "ah, it's the least i can do, maybe you could ask JYP if you can dedicate a song to me in return."

the three of you laughed and you began to clear up the plates while the boys finished getting ready. shortly after, they said their goodbyes and closed the front door behind them. although the door muffled his voice, you heard chan say to changbin, "you seriously fought over that again?"

you sighed to yourself, what were you going to do all day? you decided to finish cleaning up and have a shower.

you let the water run until it was warm before stepping in, you had to remember to be mindful because you often got carried away and distracted in the shower and lost track of time.

which is, exactly what happened, before you knew it you had been half an hour. shit, you thought. as you wrapped a towel around your body, you remembered jisung and how you saw a little too much of him after he showered. you blushed furiously just remembering it. that's when you realised that your feelings for changbin were just a deflection of the feelings you have for jisung. you're ridiculous, you thought. he hates you, despises you, enjoys making fun of you. you quickly ruled out the possibility of him ever returning the feeling and finished dressing.

you spent the day multitasking some of your studies while watching movie after movie, trying to be somewhat productive. your stomach suddenly growled and you checked the time, "must be time for lun-" you said aloud, "oh, it's 5pm." you laughed at your silly sense of time and how you had got carried away all day. but you soon frowned, 5pm and jisung still wasn't back?

since the boys weren't home you made yourself a light meal and sat at the dinner table alone, listening to some background music. it was actually quite relaxing. the evening golden sun shone through the window as you finished eating. you quickly began washing up your plate, when you heard the door creak open.

"oh, chan you're home! i just finished eating, but i can make something for you and changbin just give me a min-" but when you turned around to greet them, it wasn't chan or changbin. it was jisung. "jisung."

"are you gonna admit that you missed me this time? or do i have to leave for longer?" he smirked but you just sighed in relief. you hated to confess that you worried you wouldn't hear his stupid comments for a long while.

you spoke quietly, "of course i missed you. i was worried sick."

"oh? worried now?" he toyed.

"yes, worried! i heard you arguing with changbin and then you left!" you exclaimed.

his face turned away at the mention of changbin's name, "well sometimes changbin and i argue, it's normal."

you scoffed, "that's what he said."

"he told you?" jisung asked.

"no, he didn't tell me what you fought about, but it would seem that it isn't the first time because i heard chan scolding him after they left this morning." you admitted.

"they're not back?"

you shook your head, "nope," jisung looked away, "look, i just had dinner but is there anything you want?"

"yeah." he began.

"what would you like?" you asked.

"you." jisung said bluntly, catching you off guard. "and changbin wants you too."

it all made sense now. "oh, i, i see.." you said, quite taken aback. "jisung, it could ruin everything, we'd be playing with fire."

"i don't care, y/n." he said taking a few steps closer.

"but, chan is my brother." you said.

"he's my best friend." jisung countered, coming closer again.

"what about changbin?" you asked.

"he's also my best friend." at this point, jisung was standing face to face with you.

"hang on a second," you took a step back, hitting the counter, "i don't owe you anything." you whispered, pressing a finger to his lips.

he smirked, "but i owe you everything."

[barnesbabee]

[B]reeding Kink || C.S

[ꜱᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴇɴᴄʏᴄʟᴏᴘᴇᴅɪᴀ - ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ʙ]

Summary: He broke into your house, and now he’s breaking you. (it's not fucking consentual non-con it's just inmate!San istg)

Pairing: Choi San x Reader

Words: my fairy godmother said it was 4311 words

Genre: Smut

⚠ mention of drugs, breeding kink, mentions of blood, mentions of violence, inmate!San ⚠

  You woke up with loud banging on your door. It was so sudden, you didn’t know what time it was, what was happening, or where you were. It took you a quick second to scan your surroundings. 

    It was 2am, or so said the clock on your bedside table, and you were sitting up in your bed, startled and confused about the booming sound echoing through your house.

    You got up from the bed and hurriedly wrapped your robe around your body, however, just as you were getting to the living room to look through the peephole, the door burst open. You covered your mouth with your hand to prevent any noise from coming out and hid behind the sofa, praying to whatever wanted to help you that he hadn’t seen you.

    You closed your eyes tightly and started breathing heavily as you heard the loud footsteps roam around your house. 

    It was hard to breathe and you felt as if someone was pressing on your chest. 

    You opened your eyes slowly and peeked behind the couch. You could see a man… His appearance wasn’t clear as the whole place was dark, the only thing illuminating the room being the moon. He had a broad back and dark hair, that you noticed, and he wore heavy, black boots, that left a trail of dirt wherever he walked. 

   Who was he? What did he want? Why was he in your apartment?

   You hid back and waited until you could no longer hear him.

    The silence of his steps felt unsettling… Your chest rose and fell rapidly, and it took all of the courage you had to peek around the couch once more. 

    However, this time you were met with a man’s face. He wore a wide, Cheshire Cat-like smile on his face as he stared right at you. You could almost feel his warm breath hit your face…

    “Hello, doll!” 

    You opened your mouth to scream but the male was faster. He slapped his hand over your face, preventing you from yelling for help or anything of the sort. 

    The male approached his lips to your ears.

   “I’m gonna need your help doll…”

   You took a look at his appearance. He had on a white, stained, and slightly ripped wife-beater, along with a flashy orange jumpsuit. You examined his body carefully. His hair was damp and his inked, very well-built arms were shiny, he had been running. You were inspecting everything as carefully as you possibly could.. when you noticed.

     Was that blood!? 

     There were little spots and splatters of dried, red liquid all over his clothes, which made you widen your eyes. What the fuck had he done!? 

     He noticed your sudden change of emotions and realized you had seen the state of his clothes.

     “Listen, I don’t wanna hurt you. I need you to hide me, I’ll explain everything but you’re not in danger, yet.”

     The ‘yet’ at the end of his sentence sparked something in you and you began struggling under his hold. He gripped your arm and forced you to stop shifting.

    “Calm. Down. You’re not in danger, but if you call the police on me, if you yell for help, you will be. All you have to do is be a good girl and cooperate, because if anything goes wrong, all you need to know is that there are eight of us, if I get caught it won’t be looking too pretty for you.”

    You looked at him, eyes still widened and breathing very heavily.

    “You got it?” He asked.

     He slowly removed his hand from your mouth and placed it on his thigh. You were full-on crying in fear at that point. 

    The male said nothing, he just sighed and ran his hand through his sweaty hair. He also didn’t know what to do. He had no idea where the other seven were, he had no idea if they were still alive and he honestly didn’t know what happened next.

    “Y-you should take a shower.” You told him, as you finally felt the reek coming from him. 

   He looked down at himself and nodded. The male stood up and looked at you.

   “I can’t trust you though.”

   “W-what then? You’re just going to stink forever? Are you going to make me sit in the bathroom while you wash?”

   You were just mocking him, but from the way he shrugged you could tell he didn’t mind one bit to have you in the bathroom with him. You refused at first, but you didn’t really have much choice as he dragged you around looking for the bathroom.

    You sat on the toilet, facing the wall as you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

    “I can’t believe you’re okay with this.” You complained. 

   “I was in prison, doll, I had hundreds of men looking at my ass every day when I showered, having a girl in a bathroom with me isn’t exactly a nightmare.”

    You were both silent. The sound of the water hitting the floor echoed in the room and the water was so hot that the atmosphere around you two became foggy. 

    “Fuck, this is heaven…”

    You would’ve chuckled if you weren’t so scared and uncomfortable.

    “You know, we have warm water in there, but there are so many people taking showers at the same time so it just ends up being cold all the time. The showerheads are also really old, so they get clogged all the time and there’s barely any water coming out… You come out looking mustier than when you went in.”

    You smiled at that. You could tell he was a people person, he was comfortable enough in this situation to tell life stories and maybe that was the purpose, but you started slowly feeling a little at ease. So much so that you gained the courage to ask the question you were scared of. 

    “What were you in there for?”

    You had to know. You couldn’t have a conversation with him, you couldn’t not feel uncomfortable and uneasy without at least knowing. 

    There was silence, and the water turned off.

    “Murder.”

    Your eyes widened from the nth time that night and you felt all blood be drained from your body. The sense of fear and anxiety washed over you once more, and you didn’t know how to react. Should you run? Should you stay? Should you speak, or should you be quiet? 

    A little childish giggle sounded in the bathroom almost forcing you to look behind. He pulled the shower curtain to the side, and although this man was naked from head to toe right in front of you, your eyes were glued to his face. The giggling was creepy, you hated it.

    “I’m joking, I went in for drug abuse and distribution.”

    You took a deep, shaky breath and closed your eyes, letting your head fall forward. You shed a couple of tears out of stress and relief. 

    “You… fucking idiot.” You cursed at him, still feeling a little lightheaded.

    He giggled once more and wrapped a towel around his waist, after roaming about the bathroom looking for one.

    “Why… Did you have blood all over you then?” 

    He pointed at his abdomen, where a deep cut that your eyes had completely missed stood.

   “It was mine. Mostly… Listen escaping prison isn’t that easy and there’s trap wire and people shooting, if you’re not bleeding it’s because you’re Michael Scofield, and sadly we’re all kind of stupid.”

  Although he moved like the wound didn’t hurt, you couldn’t help but worry about it. You pointed at the ripped flesh.

  “Can I… Can I fix it for you?”

  He cocked his head to the side as he looked at you, silently questioning himself as to why you would want to help him. He shrugged, nevertheless. He wasn’t about to decline help…

   “I’d like that.”

    He tied the towel tighter around his hips so it wouldn’t fall, and sat down on the toilet you were previously resting on. You reached for the cabinet over the sink and took the medical supplies from it.

   “This is going to hurt a bit so just, distract yourself by telling me about you.”

   The male scoffed at your words.

   “I’ve been to prison, I don’t think I’ll be hurt by- oh f-fuck!”

   You giggled at his little curse as you pressed the gauze with hydrogen peroxide against his wounded skin.

   He rested his head against the wall and flexed his abdomen.

   “O-okay so, my name is San I’ve been in there for 2 years and- fucking Hell go easy on me!”

  You giggled and mumbled a soft ‘sorry’ as you listened to his stories. You tried very hard to focus on your job, but your eyes would sometimes wander around his torso and covered thighs.

  “I uh, I started selling drugs when I was eighteen, I got thrown out of the orphanage and my little sister came with me, and I wanted to make good money so she could go to university.” he paused for a second, wincing as you switched products “It was fine for a while, I made some friends there which was nice. I never really had friends, cause I kept moving from the orphanage to foster houses back and forth, so I never stayed in one place long enough to make lasting friendships… B-but it didn’t go so well cause I got caught in a swoop and the eight of us went in.”

  When he finished the story you had no idea what to say… You felt a little bad about what he had just told you. 

   “I’m sorry…”

   “It’s fine, life isn’t always kind. Plus,” he stopped to grab your chin and bring your gaze up to his “I never said I was a good person, doll. I just said I was tryna get my sister to a better place.” 

   You stared into his eyes for a second, before snapping back to reality. You stood up and mumbled something along the lines of ‘I’ll get you some clothes’ as you walked off.

  Some of your larger garments fit him quite well. A pair of large, black joggers and a yellow hoodie that looked stupidly big on you. He had to go commando however, since you didn’t happen to have a pair of boxers lying around.  

   You set up the couch for him to sleep in as you weren’t about to give up your bed for an inmate that had just broken in, but he seemed pretty content in the comfort of your couch. 

    “You sure you don’t need some company in there, doll?” 

    You chuckled at his bold attempt and pressed your tongue against the inside of your cheek. 

    “Yes San, I’d rather keep the convict at least one hallway away.” You joked.

    Although you felt a little more comfortable around him, knowing that he wasn’t 100% a scumbag, you couldn’t let your guard down. 

    Your theory was proven when you woke up not much later after you fell asleep with a shadow looking straight at you from the doorway. Not remembering that you had a guest, you yelled. 

    He immediately came rushing to your side and shut you up with his hand.

   “Why did you scream!?” San asked, panicking.

   You removed his hand from your face harshly.

   “Because a huge shadow man was standing in my doorway like a lunatic! What are you doing!?” 

  “It’s… It’s 7am I’m hungry.”

 You shot daggers at him through your sleepy, hooded eyes.

  “Do you not sleep?”

   “Not really…  We have a lot of sleep deprivation in there.”

   Somehow he had this habit of making you do things by making you feel bad. And this was no exception. 

   You groaned and dragged yourself off of the bed, feeling kind of embarrassed about how terrible you looked compared to him. Although his hair was messy, it still made him look good, as it further defined his jawline.

  You didn’t know what he wanted to eat, so you just pointed at your cabinets and began teaching him what was inside of each of them.

   As you did all of this, you realized how often he’d brush his dark locks back, in order to get them out of his face. You looked at your wrist and surely enough there was a spare hair tie on it. You offered it to San, who gladly accepted the item and tied his hair in a small ponytail.

  You started walking back to your bedroom, to resume your interrupted sleep, but a pertinent question popped in your mind, and sleep was no longer your biggest preoccupation.

   You turned around and walked back to the kitchen, to find San shoving his hand down the cereal box and eating it dry.

    “San… What’s your plan here? I mean, in the long run. You can’t just crash in my sofa forever.”

    The male in question looked at you, a suggestive gaze playing in his eyes.

   “I can always crash on your bed.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you as he said this.

   “I’m serious, San. This can be really problematic for me! Do you realize the trouble this could put me in? If someone finds out you’re here I’ll have so many legal complications! I’m on the fourth floor, why did you even choose my apartment!?”

   San went quiet for a second and looked at the floor.

   “You’re the 69th apartment…” He replied quietly.

   You rolled your eyes and turned around, stressed out about his response, while rubbing your temples.

  Before you could get very far, however, the man grabbed your wrist and made you turn around.

   “You’re right, I’m sorry… We agreed to meet up in an abandoned building a couple blocks down from where we lived. We needed to lay low for at least a couple of hours. I got lucky I managed to lose the coppers, but I don’t know about them…”

    He had sat down by the dining table and buried his head in his hands. For some reason, 

you felt as if you should comfort him, so you approached the male softly and pet his head slowly.

    “I can try to help with the smaller things!”

    But little did you know that that statement would soon come back to bite you in the ass, when you came home later in the day, after your very tiring night shift, and found eight very big men sitting around your living room, just chatting it up as if it was their own house.

    Ignoring the possibly dangerous men sprawled on your floor and couch, you closed the door and walked towards San.

    “What… The fuck.” You said through gritted teeth, trying to remain calm.

    “Well, you said you could help with the smaller things, and that side of the town was flooding with cops looking for us, so I figured we could come here to lay low!” He said, gesturing to his friends.

    You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply. 

    “When I said small things I meant maybe food or warm water to shower with. I didn’t mean I’d be the shelter for eight hooligans!”

    “What did you just call us?” One of them calmly asked. 

   You looked behind San to face the bleached haired male, who had a mixture of angry and offended on his face. It suddenly hit you that all of these escapee inmates were in your house, staring at you as you insulted them, and nervous tears started brimming in your eyes.

    “I-I’m sorry Sir, but you are sitting on my rug and you came from jail I think I’m entitled to be upset right now.” You told him, holding up your index finger.

     “Listen I’m sorry but overstaying my welcome-”

     “Oh, you think you’re overstaying!?” 

    Already sick of your snappy attitude, San gripped your arm and pushed you back against the wall, causing you to wince and drop your keys. His face was millimeters away from yours, so close you could feel his breath on you.

    “Listen doll, I don’t think anybody wants eight wanted criminals in their living room but you don’t have a choice, okay!? Neither of us would be here if we had a better choice but we fucking don’t, so why don’t you make this easier for all of us and cooperate?”

    You had no choice but to nod, as you swallowed nervously. San let go of you and sighed, disappointed that he had to resource to violence.

   There was an awkward silence, that the male you had known the longest felt the obligation to fill. 

    “So, uhm, these are my friends… “ He said and began introducing them one by one.

    Some of the men remained expressionless, only giving you a nod as a greeting, while a couple smiled politely and the rest chimed a small ‘hello’. 

   “Did you… All go in for the same thing?”

   “Friendship goals, right?” The male you now knew to be named Mingi said, stealing a smile out of you. 

   There was the heavy silence again… And you searched deep in your head for what could solve the awkwardness.

    “Are you guys hungry? I don’t have enough food here but I could go out and buy some chicken. I don’t think it’s safe to have people deliver.”

    They all agreed and so you went on your way, to buy food for all the unwanted guests. It was probably a bad idea to go out on your own and carry all this chicken and alcohol (that you bought hoping that the eight men would become bubblier and less threatening after consuming it) but you still thought that was a better scenario than being caught in public with a wanted criminal. So after about forty-five minutes of struggling, you managed to get into the house with three huge bags: two for the chicken and one for the drinks. 

    Their eyes all lit up once you stepped foot inside of the house and suddenly they resembled little kids. The men instantly attacked the food, proceeding to hurriedly unwrap the chicken.

    “Damn Y/N, were you in jail too?” San asked when he saw you hungrily devour the food. It seemed like you too hadn’t eaten anything that good in years.

    You quickly flipped him off and continued eating. 

  Your speculations were correct, and as the empty alcohol bottles started piling up, the room started echoing with happy chatter and laughter. 

   All of the stress and panic about the situation started washing off from them as the hours passed by and you had to admit, hadn’t they been wanted criminals you wouldn’t have minded being a part of their odd friend group.

    “H-hey Y/N, you should sit here, it’s more comfortable.” San joked with a sly smirk, as he patted his lap.

     “Keep trying, lover boy.” You told him as you rolled your eyes.

     San then placed his hands around your waist and pulled you to sit on his lap, keeping a slight grip on your body, soft enough for you to leave if you were uncomfortable. 

    “Was this a good enough try, doll?” He whispered in your ear.

    You said nothing, and your silence made him chuckle as he pulled you back, until your back hit his chest. Somehow he was right. It did feel more comfortable… And maybe it was the alcohol, or the fact that San was actually insanely hot, but all of the tension left in your body evaporated, and you felt yourself melt into his touch. 

    All of the sounds started fading into the background and you didn’t even acknowledge the rest of the boys, as all you could feel was the way San was drawing shapes on your thighs with his long fingers, and how you wanted them a little farther up your body. You pressed your thighs against each other, and this action didn’t go unnoticed by San, who squeezed them tighter in his hold and groaned in your ear. 

    You could feel a hard-on beginning to form in San’s pants, as it began poking your ass. You shifted in his lap, causing his boner to harden by the second. He gripped his waist tighter and pressed you down on his growing problem. 

     “I really want you, doll, I think you want me too…” He whispered in your ear. 

     “You’re imagining things San.” 

      He rolled his hips up and held you in place, so you could feel every curve of his fully hardened member press against you. Of course he noticed the way you inhaled shakily and giggled. Giggled. 

     San was indeed an intriguing person…

     He kissed a couple of spots on your neck, and bit down on an area he found softer, managing to steal a small whimper out of you. 

     A couple of heads turned towards you and they smirked, acknowledging what was happening, but not wanting to bother or steal the moment away. They turned their attention back to the other men, leaving you two isolated once more. 

    “Please, let me fuck you, doll… I wanna feel how well you clench around me. Will you let me do that?”

    Your mind was clouded by pleasure and curiosity, and so you stood up and grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards your bedroom, not even bothering to give him a verbal response.

    The second the male heard the door click, he pushed you against it with his body and smashed his lips against yours. His hands were obsessed with your hips and thighs, constantly squeezing them as you grinded against his crotch. 

     He tapped the back of your legs and you wrapped them around him. San carried you to the bed as if you were made of feathers, and even though his tongue was harsh against yours, the way he let you down on the bed was soft.

      The two of you only pulled away when the confinement of your clothes started becoming unbearable. You peeled the work clothes (that you had never changed from) hastily from your body. San undressed just as quickly, and he couldn’t believe his view. After all that time being incarcerated he managed to have someone so good looking so willing to fuck him… He smirked and slapped your thighs, proceeding to grab them as he kissed your jaw, then your neck, then your chest, then your stomach, only stopping when his lips were dangerously close to a place you’d be wishing for him to touch you. He stopped and looked up at you. God, he wished he could take a picture of you right now… All jittery and messy, needy and aching for his touch. 

   "F-Fuck San, please!“ You begged, finally, when the teasing became too much. 

   "Anythin’ for you, doll." 

  He teased your entrance with his tongue before entering two fingers, as to prepare you for what was to come. San squeezed and bit your thighs as his fingers entered you in a high speed. 

    "Oh my G-God, San- I want you in me." 

    He groaned at your neediness, and shoved the fingers that had previously been in you past your lips. 

    You maintained eye contact as you sucked slowly on his digits.

    San lined up his cock with your entrance and pushed into you slowly, causing you to wince slightly and bite his fingers. 

    The male immediately removed his hand and moved both his hands to rest on your waist. 

    "Y-you okay, doll?” He asked, afraid he’d hurt you. 

    "Yes- yes, move…" 

     San bottomed out inside you with a loud groan. He didn’t move for a second, trying to take in how tight you were and how good he felt. And even though he tried to hold back by starting to thrust into you slowly, he soon lost control. His hips snapped against yours uncontrollably fast and neither of you cared if the moans and whimpers could be heard in the next room. 

    "S-shit, look at you doll, taking my cock like a good girl-“ 

     You gripped his arms, digging your nails into his skin, loving the way he talked to you. 

    Something about seeing all of those artworks in san’s body made you feel more attracted to the male. 

   "You feel so good inside me Sannie.”

    The pet name and the little praise caused his cock to twitch inside of you, and you could tell he was almost there, by the sloppiness of his thrusts. 

    You wanted to see what he looked like in pure lust, you wanted to do the dirtiest things with this man, his sinful figure bigging out someone you didn’t even know you had in you. 

     "I-I need to cum doll, where do you want me to-“ 

    "Inside me! Please, please cum inside me San!” You begged as you clung onto him for dear life. 

    His cock twitched once more, and he looked at you with a mix of surprise and lust in his eyes. 

    "Y/N are you sure cause-“ 

    "Fucking breed me, San! I want your cum dripping out of me, please!" 

   The intensity of his thrusts increased as did the grip he had on you. 

    "You want me to breed you? Hm? Make you mine forever? Turn you into a bad girl for me? Y-you’re so dirty…”

   "Y-yes! God yes!“ 

    "Oh f-fuck!” Was the last thing he managed to yell as he buried his member deep inside of you, shooting white spurts of cum that covered your walls. 

    It was the way his body trembled and the way his mouth fell open with small whimpers that caused you to climax right after him. 

   His sweaty body collapsed on top of yours as he slowly pulled out, and you could feel the cum drip out of your hole. 

   For a couple of seconds all that could be heard was the heavy panting, until San lifted his head and looked at you. 

    "Fuck, I guess you belong to me now…“

[shus-whore]

STAY

SUMMARY: You’ve had a crush on Reiji ever since you met him, but maybe you were being too pushy. WARNINGS: angst, smut, mentions of anxiety and depression, reader is insecure about her size/weight, Reiji calls reader a whore a couple of times, not really public sex, but he fucks you in a classroom WORD COUNT: 4k

Seeing his raven hair and gloved hands from behind, a smile adorned your features. Running up to him, you began walking beside him.

"Reiji-san, need help with any experiments today?" You questioned eagerly.

"No." He stated coldly.

"Well, are you hungry?" You bared your wrist to him.

"No."

"Mmmmmm....... Is there anything you'd like me to do or help with...?" You stared up at him, a wide smile on your face.

He sighed.

"Leave. Please, leave. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm trying to spare your feelings. Stop annoying me, stop following me around, and stop offering to do things for me!  You're a bothersome woman. I mean, can't you take a hint?" He glared down at you, watching as the smile fell from your face.

"I- I-..." You looked down at the floor, swallowing your tears.

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"He really said that to you!?" They slammed their fist on the table causing everyone around to look at you guys, eyes wide. You let out a sigh. "Please don't make a big deal out of it, b/f/n. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and opinions of me."

"Tch. Like hell they are! Who would say that to such kind, beautiful person like you. Tell him to bring his ass to the front of the school so everyone can see me kick his undead ass!" They slammed their other fist on the table, a crack emerging.

You jumped, looking up at them with wide eyes.

"Please... please stop." You looked down at your wrist, sighing. Reiji wasn't the only one who wouldn't bite you, they all wouldn't, except for Laito. Maybe... it was your appearance...?

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You frantically pulled clothes from your drawer as your searched for your favorite hoodie. It was the most comfortable one you had, black, and it was baggy as hell on you. You loved it. Finding baggy clothing with your body type was difficult and annoying. Honestly, you hated shopping. It left you feeling self conscious and you never found anything that you really liked.

Pulling the hoodie from your drawer, you changed into some comfortable shorts, and that hoodie, then you cleaned the mess you made.

You fell back on your bed and stared up at the ceiling.

What were you supposed to do now?

You didn't want to cry, you were stronger than that. So what? His words were harsh, and you weren't feeling the most confident in the moment, but you'd get through it.

Usually, you'd be following Reiji around, asking if he needed help with anything. You sighed and placed your arm over your eyes.

You weren't going to cry.

You weren't going to cry.

You weren't going to cry.

So, why were you crying?

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Glancing at his doorway, Reiji quickly looked away and back down at his book. Where were you? Wait, what? What did he care you were? Anywhere but near him was perfectly fine.

He crossed his arms over his chest, sparing one last glance towards the door before continuing reading.

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The rest of that day, you made sure to keep your distance. Not only that, but you didn't even show up for dinner. Were you... avoiding him..? Usually, you would be all up on him, forcing him into hugs and never leaving his side.

Not like he missed it though!

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The ride to school was awkward to say the least. Even his brothers could feel it.

"Tch! Would you guys just make up!! The tension is so thick, how the hell am I supposed to breathe in this damn car!" Subaru was ready to kill you two.

"Pfffffft! Even Subaru the clueless noticed! That's how you know it's bad!!" Ayato was hunched over laughing.

Reiji popped him for this causing Yui to tense up. If Ayato was mad, she was collateral.

"Reiji!" He was ready to throttle the man, but Yui grabbed one of his arms.

"Ayato-kun!"

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest and glaring at Reiji.

So now  you were paying attention to him.

He immediately looked down at his book in hand, glancing up a few seconds later to find you looking out the window.

Your eyes were puffy and red. Had you been crying because of him..?

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"He what!? I'd pay money to see that!" You're friend laughed.

You knew they were trying to lighten the mood, but honestly, thinking about it made you feel worse. You averted your gaze to the floor.

"Oh no, Y/n, you're not gonna cry over that bastard, are you!?"

"Can we just drop this..?"

They smiled at you,.

"Sure, did I tell you about-..."

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Honestly, you hadn't felt this bad in a while. You felt like you were on the verge of tears every time someone glanced at you. Being this insecure was unlike you. Of course you have insecurities, everyone does, but it never usually affected you like this.

You kept your head down in the halls, messing with your hands, or sleeves, anything to calm your anxiety. Your heart was beating at 1000 miles a minute, your hands clammy, and you were working up a cold sweat.

You were literally trembling. It's just a fucking hallway. Why couldn't you walk down the hallway?

You knew they weren't watching you, you were probably forgotten in their minds, but that didn't matter.

You were on the verge of tears, your breathing unsteady. They were probably talking about you. No they weren't- but they could have been.

If they weren't talking about you earlier, they had to be talking about you now. You were walking funny, you could feel it. Actually, you looked funny too, huh? This uniform doesn't flatter you, does it? Your hair looks funny too, doesn't it?

No it doesn't. But it could have.

You speed walked to the bathroom, stumbling inside. Your legs were shaky, your nerves going crazy.

Crouching down to the floor, you held your face in your hands.

How did it get like this???

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You crouched there in the bathroom for a few seconds before collecting yourself and going back out into the hall.

You gripped onto the strap of your bag and made your way to class, trying not to stand out.

You could feel your hands clamming up again, and the cold sweat coming back.

You kept your gaze glued to the floor, trying not to trip, and watching to make sure you weren't walking funny. You were going to make it to class, and when you did, you were going to stop acting like this. That's what you repeated in your head as you walked through the hallway.

That was, until you collided with a broad figure, your bag flying onto the floor.

"S-Sorry !"

You crouched down, beginning to collect your stuff off the floor. You watched the feet of the person you previously collided with as they backed up and began to crouch down. wait... those looked like Reiji's shoes.

No, he must like a popular brand.

You looked away from his feet, praying to every god you could think of.

Please don't be Reiji!

The person crouched down and began to help you collect your fallen items. That's when you saw it, the glove.

Jumping back, you stood abruptly and grabbed your bag from the floor.

"Don't bother, I can do it myself." You glared down at him, e/c eyes burning into the hand that was reaching for one of your papers.

Ouch. "No need to be so harsh, Y/n. I caused you do drop your possessions, so I should help you collect them."

He collected the rest of your papers, and stood to hand them to you.

"Throw them in the trash, I don't want them anymore." You crossed your arms over your chest, turning to leave.

All he could do was stand there, mouth agape.

The trash?

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You skipped the rest of your classes that night, opting to sit in an empty science lab.

Reiji doesn't skip, so you're fine, and the only other empty room was the music room that Shu liked to be in.

You'd rather not go near that perverted man. He scared you.

Though, if you were being honest, you were hoping to see Reiji. Maybe just in passing, once, or maybe he'd come into the room. Maybe he'd apologize to you. Maybe he'd tell you he missed you.

Hah.

Wishful thinking, you guessed.

It's not like you were dating, why should he care if he hurt your feelings? I mean, seriously, y/n. He practically told you to fuck off.

You probably weren't his type anyways.

You pulled a chair up to the widow and gazed out at the moon.

You felt weak and stupid. I mean, he's literally never even showed signs of interests.

What were you expecting?

It's better that he told you straight up. Yeah. If you think about it, anyone else would lead you on in some sort of twisted kindness.

I mean, yeah, he waited a few months to do it, but he did it. Plus, who's to say he didn't figure out the day he told you. Maybe he thought you were just being nice to him at first.

"You know, Y/n, if you keep skipping classes, you'll end up like my good for nothing brother."

Your eyes shot to the door, red eyes meeting yours.

Should you jump out the window?

No. You're too high up.

"Can't you take a hint?" You stood, your chair dragging against the floor as you did.

Why couldn't you be the vampire?! He was blocking your one and only exit, and you couldn't even jump out the window!

"I think I was too harsh that day." He began walking towards you, and you cursed yourself for getting excited at this.

Despite your attitude, you really wanted him to be sorry. You wanted more than for him to apologize, you wanted him to realize he liked you. No matter how unrealistic your fantasy was, you so desperately wanted it to be true.

"You think??"

You started backing up, and he began to inch near you, grabbing your wrist before you could even genuinely consider jumping.

"You're not really going to jump out of the window because of me, are you?"

"Yes, I am." You pettily turned your head to the side.

Damn, you really hated him that much?

"C'mon, Y/n. Don't be so dramatic."

"Dramatic!?"

All the feelings previously were coming back and you just wanted to cry.

"You're a real asshole, you know that."

That's when he leaned forward, engulfing you within his arms.

You were going to faint.

He really wasn't trying to be a piece of shit. He was just not good with expressing himself.

It's not like he was trying to be insensitive, but he had hoped if you were going to jump out the window, it wouldn't be out of spite. Not that he wanted you to jump out the window. Fuck! See? He can't even express himself in his head, how could he to you?

"I'm truly sorry, Y/n. I regretted what I said as soon as I saw the look in your eyes. You know what they say, you don't truly realize what you've lost until it's gone. It seems I underestimated your importance to me. I was annoyed by my good for nothing brother that day, and I took it out on you. I dearly regret it, too. Please, forgive me."

Now this, this was unexpected.

"I-..." You really didn't want to be that person. You didn't want to forgive him that easily. You still remember the pain, your chest tightening. It felt like your heart was constricting.

You pushed his arms off and jumped away, looking back at him, his red eyes meeting yours.

His mouth fell open, the most emotion you'd ever seen him display to anyone.

"What did you expect? Did you think you could just come here, sweep me off my feet, give me some lame ass excuse for treating me terribly, as if you were ever nice to me, and expect me to forgive you? I'm just some bothersome woman who's feelings you don't know why you're sparing. I'm not going to be some product of your pity. You very obviously didn't want me not even a week ago, why the sudden change of heart? Just leave me alone. You know better than anyone how annoying it is to have someone continuously pester you after you've so obviously shown your distaste for their presence."

Your stomach hurt, your eyes burned, and your throat throbbed. The worst part was the way everything in you was screaming to forgive him, but being the stubborn person you were, you couldn't.

"You don't truly mean that, do you?" He took a step forward, eyes locked on yours.

Tears welled in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall, refused to say anything.

Each step he took forward, you took back until you were sandwiched between the wall and the person you least, yet most, wanted to be in this situation with.

He slammed his hand on the wall beside you, preventing your exit. "I suggest you calm yourself, Y/n. If your heart rate quickens at this rate, you may... well you get what I'm saying."

You let out a small squeak, more in fear than anything else. "Mind your ears, it's none of your bus-siness. Also, m-move your arm so I can leave." Fuck. Why are you stuttering Y/n!?

He leaned down, his hot breathe on your ear. "I can help you calm your nerves-" His right hand moved to rest on the small of your back. "If you would like."

You shuddered.

"But you have to ask." He smirked.

"H-Huh?..."

"Hah. You're so quick to forgive me now, even though I knew you were dying to earlier. What? You just want me for my body?" He teased, his mouth falling upon your neck, marking it.

"I- No! I h-haven't even forgiven you yet!" You protested.

"You haven't? Well then I should stop." He pulled away from you, turning to walk away.

It was now or never Y/n.

"W-wait a minute!" You called out, reaching out to him.

He turned to you, hiding his smirk as he did.

"Why, what is it?" He chuckled under his breath.

"Y-I I forgive you," You looked down at the floor, the tiles glowing with the reflection of the moon, nearly full, though not quite.

"You do? Thank you." He then turned again, beginning to walk away once more.

"Wait. Where are you going?" You called out.

"To class, where else?"

You blinked once. Then twice.

Did you read the situation wrong?

No way, what else was he trying to do?

"W-what about..? I..."

He smirked at you.

"Y/n, while I may be a vampire, I cannot read minds."

"Well... it's just... earlier you..." Your face lit ablaze, heat spreading across your cheeks.

"Earlier I?... He took a step towards you.

"You- you know..." You trailed off, hoping he'd get what you were trying to say.

"I seem to have forgotten, please, enlighten me."

"Well... y-you said you would help me calm my nerves..."

"Mhm..?"

"Might you... try to once more..?"

He let out a dry chuckle at this. You were so shy.

He caged you onto the wall once more, his breath on your ear once more.

"How do you suppose I do that?"

His hand was back on your waist, but this time he slid it underneath the fabric of your shirt. He licked at the shell of your ear, causing a surprised sound to leave your throat.

"Well... Like this, I would think."

He looked up at you, red eyes upon your e/c ones. Then, he pulled away once more, a smirk adorning his features.

"I don't really know what you mean by, 'this.'"

Grabbing his hand, you pulled him towards you.

You grabbed his tie, pulling him down to you, "You're teasing..."

He chuckled.

"If you'd answer me, mayb-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, your lips were on his.

Though he had nothing to compare it to, he was pretty sure you were a terrible kisser.

He could teach you, though.

"Mmm.."

Pulling away, he leaned in, whispering in your ear, "Quite sloppy, even for your first time."

Your face flushed.

"As if you could do any better."

He smirked, leaning in, his lips ghosting over yours.

"I think I can prove you wrong"

His glasses knocked against your face, causing it to scrunch when he leaned in.

You both laughed for a second, before your lips met once more.

With Reiji leading the kiss, it was 10x better. He seemed so skilled, and you couldn't help but wonder if he was actually experienced or just good at everything.

"So pretty."

He pulled away, beginning to trail kisses down your neck.

His hand trailed beneath your shirt, groping you beneath it.

You gasped, your hands curling in fists at your sides.

Were you seriously about to do this in an empty classroom at school? What if somebody walks in..?

Reiji let out a dry chuckle, his forehead meeting yours.

(FOREHEAD TOUCHES R SO INTIMATE I MIGHT CRIE)

"Nervous, yes? I won't do anything you don't want me to. Except bite you, of course." He added playfully.

(IDC WHAT U SAY IT'S CANON FOR REIJI TO BE SARCASTIC AND MAKE BAD JOKES.)

You reached your hand into the nape of his neck, grasping his hair there.

He groaned when you did this, which was definitely not your intention, but also definitely hot.

"You're not doing anything I don't want. It's just..." You glanced at the door.

"Oh? You want to be watched, don't you?" He smirked.

"I- No! Definitely not! W-Why would I-" He was teasing you again, wasn't he?

His lips met yours again, his cold hands meeting the skin beneath your shirt. He helped you out of it before removing your bra to stare down at your breasts.

Before you could cover them, his hands were on them, squeezing and pinching.

Your hand fell upon his wrists, tightly gripping them.

"R-Reiji-san," Your face felt hot, you felt hot in general. You rubbed your legs together ever so slightly in hopes he wouldn't notice.

You couldn't help yourself.

"Impatient, aren't we?" He chuckled before shoving his knee in between your legs.

"I tend to you so patiently with no worry of myself, yet you're ungrateful. That's fine. I'll just tend to one of my needs to make up for it."

"Eh!? I- No- I'm not- Ouch!"

Large gulps were taken from your neck, your knees slightly weakening. You honestly expected him to bite you, so you weren't quite mad. Just surprised.

Your hands fell from his wrists, one reaching into his hair, a strong hold placed there, and the other clenching into a fist at your side.

Pulling away, he smirked down at you.

"My my, how erotic."

The sight was quite pleasing to his eyes at least, your neck dripping blood down your shirtless torso.

He was really having the most difficult time holding himself back.

He sighed, reaching behind himself for a chair and pulling it forward. He sat down, reaching his arms behind your back and pulling you onto his lap.

"W-wait! Reiji-san! I'm too heav-" You choked on your words at the sight of his erection straining against his pants.

Reiji reached his hand into your hair, grabbing a handful at your scalp and puling your head back.

He began kissing and (softly) biting your neck, marking it as much as much as he could and licking up the blood dripping from your wound.

You let out a little gasp, grinding down onto his growing erection.

He sighed, releasing his grip on your scalp.

Sliding his hand beneath the edge of your panties, Reiji helped you remove them leaving you in just your skirt.

The fact that he hadn't removed any clothing made you feel even more exposed.

He grinned and ran his hand up your slit, teasing you.

He shoved two fingers against your entrance, his fingers disappearing within you.

"Ah... Reiji.." You gripped onto his shoulder harshly.

"Beautiful.." He sighed and began thrusting his fingers, your liquids dripping down his hand.

You clenched down on his fingers.

"Mmm... I don't think I can hold back anymore.."

His fingers pulled back, a lewd sound emitting from your heat.

He groaned at this, unfastening his belt and unzipping his pants.

He lined himself up with your entrance, an arm wrapped around your back, reaching around to the other side to grip your waist.

Pushing inside you, he let out a huff of air.

"Fffuck, don't clench so hard." He breathed out, his hand squeezing your waist tightly.

You clenched harder at the sound of his voice causing his grip on you to tighten, definitely leaving bruises.

"I-I-I can't. Not when you sound like th-at!" You squeaked out, falling against his chest to bury your face into the space between his shoulder and neck.

He smirked at this, thrusting up into you harshly.

"Oh~? You like it when I talk to you?"

Reiji held onto your hips, directing your movements. He had more length than girth, but still managed to stuff you full.

He leaned into your ear, "You like being fucked in the classroom, huh? Like that anyone can walk it at any moment? You want them to, don't you?" Reiji watched his cock as it disappeared within your cunt, pulling out all the way, only to be slammed back in.

You shook your head, tears wetting his neck at the intensity as you clenched and unclenched on him.

He chuckled, "Look at you, getting excited just at the thought."

You wanted to deny it because, really, you didn't want to be watched, but all you could do was let out muffled moans into his neck.

Grasping onto your hair, Reiji pulled your head away from his neck, your neck bared to him and moans unmuffled.

"Fuck, look at you. Such a whore for my cock. Bet you've been daydreaming about this, huh? Been thinking about this everyday? Trying to seduce me by throwing yourself at me?"

His thrusts increased in speed as he leaned forward to lick up your neck to your mouth, which he sloppily kissed.

His hand dropped from your hair to your heat, his thumb and index finger pinching at your most sensitive spot, causing lewd moans to leave your throat, increasing in pitch.

He lifted you up, laying you back on one of the lab tables, the temperature causing goose bumps to rise on your skin.

He pushed your right leg up to your chest, relentlessly thrusting into your cunt, enjoying the squelching sounds being produced.

"Mmm, I'm gonna cum. Spill it all in your tight little cunt. Fill you up with my seed. Mark you as mine. You'd like that, wouldn't you." Reiji reached his thumb down to your small bud once more, rubbing in slow, tight circles.

Your breathing became unsteady, arms curling around his back to pull him close to you and moans growing louder once more.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm gonna cum!" Tears welled in your eyes, you back arching off the table and your toes curling.

Your cunt spasmed on his cock, your vision going dark for a second as the most intense orgasm you had ever experienced racked through your body.

Reiji let out a groan before spilling his load inside you, riding out your orgasms.

Your arms fell limp to your side, exhausted.

"I must say Y/n, you're far more risky than I had expected." He let out a little huff, helping you sit up on the desk.

He fixed his pants before helping you get dressed.

Reiji grabbed your hand, and in the blink of an eye, you guys were in his room.

"H-huh..?" Could they teleport or something? And why his room? Didn't he just pity fuck you or something?

"Uhm... should I... leave?" You stared down at his feet as you questioned him knowing the answer was probably rejection.

"Well... If you'd like. I don't want to force you or anything. Though, I was sort of hoping you would stay."

"St-stay...?"

This was requested on my Wattpad.

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Just What I Needed: Part 4

A/N: 👀

Series masterlist

Word Count: 18.2k

You slowly blinked your eyes open, feeling relaxed and rested. Sunlight poured in through the window and filled the room with a sense of warmth in contrast to how cold you knew the late January air felt outside. 

A sigh of content left your mouth as you stretched and glanced around the room. Although it was no match to the comfort you felt in your bed at home, it was cozy and rather quaint. 

Frank was still laying at the foot of the bed, stirring awake as a result of your movements, but wasting no time in getting up so he could attack you with kisses. 

"Hey, buddy," you chuckled and started scratching behind his ears in his favourite spot. After a moment of giving Frank the attention he craved, your gaze then drifted to the corner of the room where an empty playpen rested.

In your hurry to get out of your house the night before and get to where your family was, you didn't even think of grabbing Mia's travel bed for her to sleep in when you got to Alice's cousin's house. Luckily for you, though, Alice's cousin was a grandma and had things in the house that Mia could use for the night. 

Usually, if you woke up to find Mia not in the spot you'd put her to bed, you'd panic. However, you had gotten used to mornings where you would wake up and know that Auston was already up and downstairs with your daughter, getting ready for the day. This situation was no different because you knew that either your dad, Alice, but more than likely Nate, snuck into the room and took her while trying not to disturb you. 

"Couldn't even warn me about someone taking Mia, huh?" You said to Frank as you sat up, chuckling at how he must've been so unbothered by whoever came into the room and grabbed Mia that morning, seeing as he knew they posed no threat to your little girl. "That's ok. I know you would've gone nuts if it was someone you knew shouldn't have been near her." 

Frank just made one of his typical noises in response to that, then licked your face once more before moving away so that you could get up. Before you climbed out of bed, you made sure to grab your phone from where it laid next to you on the mattress and not to your surprise, it was dead. 

You knew the battery died shortly after you got to the house, and then you got so wound up with trying to get Mia calmed down for the night. You must've forgotten to plug it in before you passed out from exhaustion almost as soon as your head hit the pillow, which you didn't overthink. So, with a shrug, you threw on one of Auston's hoodies that you grabbed the night before and headed for the washroom. 

As you brushed your teeth and washed your face, you couldn't help but smile as you listened to Mia giggling like crazy from downstairs. You then heard your brother just messing around with her and felt your heart swell at the thought of the two together. Mia and Nate adored each other, and it made you so freaking happy to see. 

Once you finished your half-assed morning routine, then packed up yours and Mia's things, you and Frank went downstairs, but you stopped in the living room briefly to plug your phone into the charger you spotted there the night before, then made your way to the kitchen to see your family. 

However, when you entered the room, only Mia seemed excited to see you. Meanwhile, your dad, Alice and Nate looked worried for some reason. 

"Uh, good morning," you greeted, then scratched your head awkwardly as they all looked at each other in a way that you didn't know the meaning behind.

"Mommy!" Mia said happily and began reaching for you from where she was being held by Nate on the other side of the room, noticing how she was already in much better spirits than she had been the night before. 

"Hi, baby," you replied, smiling as you approached the two and took her from your brother's hold. "Are you feeling better today?"

"Yeah," she answered, then laid her head against your shoulder. 

"I don't think her ear is hurting as much anymore," Alice was the first to speak as she smiled at you and Mia. "But it probably wouldn't hurt for her just to take it easy today to make sure."

"Well, we can do that, can't we, little miss?" You asked your daughter, to which she nodded in response. After placing a quick peck on her forehead, you then looked around at your family and could still feel that something was up with them. "Did something happen? You all just kind of seem… off for some reason."

You then watched as your dad, Alice and Nate, gave each other a hesitant look before your dad finally said something. 

"Have you talked to Auston at all?"

"No, not since yesterday," you explained. "I told him Mia wasn't feeling well before his game, but then got caught up with everything with coming over here and her not doing well, so I haven't talked to him since. Plus, my phone died. Why?"

"You, uh, you might want to head home to see him then," Nate said while looking at you nervously. 

"Wait, he's home?" You asked, feeling confused as your brother nodded. "But the team isn't supposed to be back until later this afternoon."

"Exactly," Nate replied again but still did nothing to help how lost you felt. 

"Nate, why do I feel you're not telling me something?"

At that, your brother sighed before glancing at your dad and Alice once more. 

"I woke up to five missed calls from him. So, I called him back like ten minutes ago to find out that he spent the entire night thinking you packed up your things, took Mia and Frank, and left him."

"What?" Was all you were able to respond with because honestly, you weren't able to comprehend such a ridiculous idea. 

Why the hell would Auston think you were leaving him? Was it something you said? Something you did? You raked your mind for ideas of what the hell happened that could've possibly made him come to this conclusion but came up with nothing. 

Then, with one final look at your brother, you adjusted your hold on Mia then went straight for the living room so you could check your phone. 

"What's wrong, mommy?" Mia asked curiously as she continued gripping on to you. 

"Nothing for you to worry about, baby," you assured her. "This is between your dad and me."

Once you entered the living room, you saw your phone light up with some kind of notification, so you knew it was on again, but weren't sure if you were prepared to see what would be waiting on the screen when you finally looked at it. So, after taking a deep breath, you held Mia close and braced yourself for what was about to come. 

The first thing you saw once you tapped your screen were the numerous missed calls and texts from Auston. However, there were also missed notifications from Ema, Brian, both of Auston's sisters, Mya, Steph, Mitch, Lexie and a couple more of your friends, all wondering where the hell you had gone. Although dramatic, some of the messages from Steph were her asking if you were kidnapped or decided to fall off the grid, and it wasn't until then you realized, with how overwhelmed you were with Mia the night before, it very easily could've seemed that way. Especially to Auston. 

And it wasn't even 9 a.m. yet. 

"Fuck," you whispered to yourself, but unfortunately, still loud enough for Mia to hear. 

She gasped, which had you glance at her right away. "That's a bad word."

"You're right, that is a bad word," you agreed, then unplugged your phone and headed towards the kitchen again. "But we're not going to repeat it, right? You didn't hear it from me."

"Yes, I did, mama," she responded, calling you out on your bullshit, then giggling when you gave her a surprised look. 

"Mia! The sass, I can't. You get that from your father."

"Nope."

"What do you mean nope!?"

You continued looking at her incredulously, which made her giggle even more, and that didn't stop until after the two of you were back in the kitchen. 

"Even Mia knows she gets her sass from you," Nate said and wasted no time taking Mia from your hold again. "So, what are you going to do with Auston?"

"I don't think there's much else I can do other than go home right now and talk to him," you replied, then glanced at your dad and Alice. "Would you guys mind watching Mia for an hour or so? I'm really sorry to ask, but I'd prefer that she wasn't there when Auston and I have this conversation."

"Of course we can watch her," your dad replied. "Sweetheart, it's ok to ask for help. And there's no need for you to apologize about it either."

"I know, it's just-," you started, then paused. "I guess I've been forgetting that lately. Maybe that's part of why I'm now in this situation with Auston."

Your family looked at you sympathetically but refused to comment. This was something you and Auston needed to work out on your own. No one else's opinion should matter. 

"Everything is going to be fine, hun," Alice said. "We love having Mia around, so please, you and Auston, take all the time you need. Just call us when you're ready for Mia and Frank to come home too."

"I will," you told her with a smile, then looked back to Mia and pushed her curls away from her face as she leaned against Nate. "I'll be back soon, sweets. Can you promise me that you'll be good for Pa, Alice and Uncle Nate?"

"I promise, mommy," she replied and began waving at you, sending you on your way. Almost as if even she, too, knew that you needed to go talk to Auston asap. 

Lastly, you looked at your brother and let out a breath. 

"Auston needs this conversation as badly as you do," Nate said. "Try to hear him out too. You know he's going to listen to whatever you have to say, but you need to do the same for him. It's the least you could do."

"I understand that," you replied. "But Nate, for him to just assume I'd up and leave him? What the hell is that?"

"I don't know, but if you don't at least try to see things from his point of view too, you're not going to solve anything," he stated, making you sigh. 

"How was he when you talked to him?"

"Not great. Relieved to know that you and Mia were somewhere safe, though."

"I see," you nodded in understanding. "I guess I should get going. I think I'll take an Uber, then once we're done talking, can you bring Mia and Frank home in my car? Mia's seat and everything is already in there."

"Of course I can," he responded. "Just call me when you're ready, and I'll bring them over."

"I will. Thanks, Nate."

After that, you ran back upstairs to grab your things and put them in your car so Nate wouldn't have to worry about them when he was packing up Mia and Frank. After that, you ordered an Uber, then said goodbye to Mia and the rest of your family before heading outside to get into the waiting vehicle and began mentally preparing yourself to face your husband. 

As soon as you were in the Uber, you texted Auston to say you were on your way home, then put your phone back in your pocket. You didn't think he'd respond. In complete honesty, you didn't want him to either because you just didn't know what to say about the topic anymore. 

You began thinking of how mad you were that he just assumed you left him. Had things really gotten that bad between the two of you? Sure, you knew with everything going on in life, and how you've been feeling lately, things had been a little rough between the two of you, but not once did the thought of leaving your husband cross your mind, and it hurt to know that Auston was at a point where he believed that you would. 

After taking a deep breath to calm yourself down some, you glanced at your stomach and were reminded that on top of all this, you were still approaching your 20th week of pregnancy. You were almost halfway through your pregnancy and were due to meet your baby in less than five months, yet you were feeling the shittiest you've felt in a really long time. There was no way you could've ever predicted being in this type of situation, but, you still were. 

When the Uber came to a gradual stop at an intersection and the road sign indicating you were about to turn down the street your house was on, you became nervous as hell. You began rubbing small circles over your bump, trying to soothe your nerves and in some way communicate to your baby that everything was going to be ok, but unfortunately, you weren't so sure of that either. 

By the time the car came to a stop outside of your house, your heart was pounding. You didn't feel ready to have this conversation with Auston, and you hated the thought of not wanting to talk to your husband about something, but you knew it needed to happen. So, with another deep breath, you thanked your Uber driver, then got out of the car and walked up the driveway. 

Needless to say, you weren't exactly expecting the scene you came across once you walked through the front door and looked into the living room. 

Auston didn't notice you at first. In his defence, you did enter the house very quietly, but instead of greeting you like he usually would, he stayed sat on the couch, staring forward at seemingly nothing. He was completely zoned out as he hugged onto his body pillow and didn't move aside from the deep breaths he took every few seconds. So, you took this moment to observe him even more. 

His hair was dishevelled, subtle dark circles were forming under his eyes, and it was clear that he was still wearing the black Nike t-shirt and joggers he more than likely changed into once he got home the night before. His facial hair was a bit more excessive than usual. Typically, he would've shaved a little bit by then, but over the few days, since you last saw him, it was apparent that he hadn't, and it just really tied into the whole look he had going on. Then you noticed the throw blanket that rested in a heap on the other end of the couch and could only assume that was because Auston spent the night on the sofa rather than upstairs in your bed. 

He looked rough and going off of how he appeared on the outside. You could only imagine how shitty he was feeling on the inside. 

A cool breeze from outside then drifted in through the open door, making you shiver but also snap you back to reality from the trance you'd fallen into while observing your husband. You knew you probably shouldn't prolong the conversation you were about to have any more than you already had, so with another deep breath, you closed the door loud enough that Auston would notice and your presence would be known. 

The sudden noise made him jump, but it wasn't long before he was standing up from the couch and looking at you, concern written all over his face as he did so. It took him a second to realize that he was still hugging the body pillow but was quick in tossing it back onto the couch before walking towards you.

"Hey," Auston greeted softly once he walked into the foyer, but came to a stop after acknowledging the absence of the other person he was also looking forward to seeing again, his mouth turning into a frown. "Where's Mia?"

"With my family," you told your husband as you took your boots off and hung up your coat, then stepped towards him. "Nate is going to bring her and Frank back in a little bit. I didn't think she needed to hear us have this talk."

"I see," he replied while nodding in agreement. You continued looking at him, unsure if you should start the conversation or he should, and you could feel yourself gradually becoming more anxious than you were in the Uber with each passing second, but luckily, Auston spoke up again, your name sounding from his mouth in a whisper as he did so. "I don't even know where to start."

"Ok," you said, tears already pricking at the corners of your eyes as you tried focusing on keeping your breaths even since it felt like your chest kept getting tighter and tighter. "I will then. Auston, how dare you think I would just up and leave you? It's one thing to think that'd I'd do such a thing, but for you to assume I would ever do that to Mia? You could do your absolute worst to me, and I still wouldn't be able to keep our daughter away from her father. I could never do that to her or you, and it fucking hurts knowing that you think I would."

"I know you wouldn't, and it was wrong of me to assume otherwise," he replied calmly. "And I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am for that being the conclusion I jumped to. My mom already gave me enough shit for that, but it was the only thing that made sense to me at the time."

"How can you even say that?" You scoffed.

"Because, since Christmas, you've been pushing me away! You've been pushing everyone away for almost a month now, and we've all been worried about you. I thought you'd talk to me about the things bothering you, you always do, but this time has been different for some reason. You closed yourself off from me, babe. I haven't heard anything about your therapist appointments since before the holidays. You've barely told me about your last doctor's appointment and how the baby was doing. I just feel like there's so much going on with you that you won't let anyone know about."

"Because I refuse to bother people with my problems, Auston! My mind can be a damn scary place sometimes, ok. I haven't felt like myself for these past few weeks, and that is no one's battle to fight but my own."

"Why don't you realize that you don't have to fight those battles alone?" Auston's voice cracked as he said that, which struck something deep in you. "We're all on your side, Y/N. We want to help." 

It was evident that he cared so much about you and your wellbeing. You've always known that, and you didn't mean to block out him or any of your loved ones, but what else were you supposed to do? You didn't even know how to explain what you were feeling to him, just that it wasn't good. So, you continuously tried to distract yourself from your thoughts, even though, deep down, you knew what you were feeling all revolved around your pregnancy. And you believed Auston had a right to know that.

"Please let me back in."

You hadn't realized that your gaze drifted away from him until he said those words, and when you looked back at him, his eyes were watering like crazy. That's when your tears finally broke free and began streaming down your face.

Just as you were about to reply to him, though, you heard the radio that was playing softly in the kitchen, change songs. The familiar guitar riff of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Under the Bridge and the distinctive voice of Anthony Kiedis wasn't loud or anything. Still, to you, it was deafening in how the lyrics resonated with the way you were feeling. 

The main difference between you and the lyrics was that you knew you had a partner and knew you had a friend in Auston. He hasn't given you a reason to doubt that. But still, if you were to say you didn't worry about things, well, that'd be a lie. 

"It breaks my heart knowing that our relationship is at a point where the thought of me leaving you would even cross your mind, though," you told him, your voice almost in a whisper. "And part of that is on me—a big part, which I get. I should've just told you what I was feeling and what was going on. I really don't know why I didn't. But Auston, you could've communicated with me too."

It was your voice that cracked then, and you were no longer able to keep in the sob that you felt building in your chest as soon as you started talking again. You didn't think much of it, but then you began sobbing uncontrollably and closed your eyes as you fought to catch your breath, but even that didn't seem to work. 

You felt as if you could collapse right then and there. Everything felt heavy. But before you could, Auston had his arms wrapped around you and was bringing you against his chest, keeping you up as you clung to him for support. By the way, he was shaking; you knew that he was crying as well, but couldn't bring yourself even to attempt to comfort him in some way too as he lowered you both to the ground, then pulled you into his lap. 

"Breathe, baby," Auston spoke softly as he rubbed small, soothing circles on your back, still making you a priority in all of this even though you were ready to rip him a new one only moments ago. "Slow down and just breathe for me, please."

Although you still took a few staggering breaths, you listened. Auston always held you against his chest like this when your anxiety got bad. It was a way for you to match his deep, steady breaths and eventually calm yourself down. It was also a way for him to remind you that he was there and wasn't going anywhere, which, honestly, was exactly what you needed from him at that moment. 

"I hate this," you said after a few moments, once your sobs turned into sniffles. "I hate feeling the way I do, I hate that I blocked out the people I care about the most, I really didn't mean to. But most of all, I hate fighting with you. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," he replied, then leaned away so he could look at you but continued holding you as he did so. "I think we both messed up in this situation. God, I knew we could be bad at communicating sometimes, but I never thought it would get this bad."

"It's not very fun."

"Not at all."

The two of you chuckled slightly as he pushed back some of your hair away from your face, but the moment soon passed when you noticed Under the Bridge came to an end and With Me by Sum 41 started playing. Another song you knew would just hit differently during a moment like the one you and Auston were in. 

"You were stupid to think I would leave you, Auston," you stated. "I'm well beyond the point of even thinking I could go on without having you in my life in some way. How do you not know that?"

"I do, and that's the thing," he responded, then paused, smiling a little bit as you reached up to wipe away a tear that still rested on his cheek. "You're right. I was stupid to think that. I just felt like I've fucked up so much lately and that you had every reason to leave me if you wanted to. I know it's not easy with me coming and going all the time. You are absolutely incredible with the way you take care of Mia. You know that, right? She adores you. Even with you being pregnant and facing your own troubles, you never falter when it comes to making sure that our daughter is ok."

"Because regardless of whatever is going on with me, I am Mia's mom first. Above anything else. She will always be my priority."

"I know. I've always known that which is why I'm pissed at myself for not thinking why you weren't here when I got home last night was because you were doing just that. Prioritizing our daughter. I know how hard it must've been for your stubborn ass to swallow your pride and ask your family for help. But, you knew that was what was best for Mia and yourself. I'm so proud of you for making that call, babe, and I am so sorry if my overthinking and assuming the absolute worst made you think otherwise."

"It's ok," you told him honestly, then shifted your position on his lap, placing a leg on each side of his so that you were straddling his thighs in a way because you wanted to be face to face with him properly. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, Aus. It's just- this pregnancy has not been easy. Nothing seems to be going right, and I-I'm at a point where I dread going to my appointments because I don't want to be told something bad again. I'm scared, and I didn't want anyone to see me like that. It makes me feel vulnerable."

"You can always be vulnerable with me," he said and made sure the two of you locked eye contact as he did. "I'm not going to hurt you, babe. I would never. You don't need to put up any walls. Be upset. Tell me what you're thinking like the other night when I missed dinner, for example. Don't let me off on that shit! If something is bothering you, especially if it's something I caused, please promise that you'll tell me about it from now on."

"That was kind of shitty of you, not gonna lie."

"I know it was, and I deserved to feel bad about it, but you care too much about others that you couldn't even tell me that."

"I didn't want you to feel bad about it, Auston. Ok, I mean, yeah, maybe a little bit at the time. But, you talk about not wanting to hurt me. I don't want to hurt you either, even if it is just a petty argument or comment. I love you too much."

"And I love you," he replied and leaned his head against yours. "You had every right to be mad at me that night, and you still do. But let me tell you that I suffered from thinking you left way more than you think. I was distraught. I just know that I need you in my life and the thought of you never coming home scared the shit out of me. Fuck, all of that drama on my part and for what?"

You laughed at that. 

"I can tell you were struggling by the body pillow and blankets on the couch. Couldn't sleep in our bed, hmm?"

"It was a rough night, ok? Sue me. And no, not while thinking I may never share it with you again."

"Good thing you never have to think that again then, right?" You asked and gave him a pointed look. "Because if you do, then we'll have real issues, Matthews. Right now, I'll give you a free pass because I know Ema would've given you an earful on my behalf already."

"You have no idea," he groaned and threw his head back dramatically. "I don't think I've ever been called so many synonyms of stupid all at once. It didn't help that Alex and Bre chimed in on it too."

"Sad I missed it," you teased. "And I promise to talk to you about everything, Aus. Please know that I really didn't mean to shut anyone out the way that I did."

"We all understand, babe, but I can assure you that everyone is going to be glad to have you back. Mitch and Steph especially have been missing you."

"I need to call them today. I miss them too."

You and Auston smiled at each other, then you noticed that all the weight you felt on your chest had seemingly disappeared.

"We're ok?" Auston asked before you could say anything else.

"We're ok," you repeated, then closed the gap between the two of you as you hugged him, happy with how the conversation turned out because you knew that he felt a lot better too. However, it wasn't long before he was moving away so that he could gently cup your cheek before leaning in again and connecting his lips to yours with a sweet kiss.

"I love you," you told him again while mumbling against his lips, not bothering to move away from him.

"I love you, more than anything," he assured, but unlike you, moved away so he could look at you again. "You, Mia and our little one on the way are my everything, Y/N. Please, never forget that."

"I won't, I promise."

About half an hour later, the two of you were cuddled up on the couch together, his body pillow and blankets completely forgotten. Auston laid between you and the back cushions, his head resting next to your bump as you mindlessly played with his hair, both waiting patiently for Mia and Frank to arrive home. 

After you and Auston cleared the air between the two of you, he then held onto you as he stood up off the ground and carried you into the living room. Soon after, he texted Nate to let him know that he could come over, and you didn't stop him. You were already missing Mia and knew that Auston was probably missing her a bit more. 

Luckily for both of you, your little girl was making her grand re-appearance as Nate brought her and Frank through the front door. She was giggling like crazy as Nate talked to her in a dramatic voice, but then saw how Frank booked it right for the living to greet you and Auston, and soon let out a squeal of delight once she spotted the two of you. 

"Daddy!"

"There's my girl!" Auston greeted her, smiling so freaking wide as he scrambled to get off the couch, but made sure to help you up as well before going over to take Mia from Nate's hold. "Hi, Mini! I missed you so much."

You couldn't help but smile too as you watched them, not missing how Auston seemingly held onto your daughter a bit tighter than usual and refused to let go. As you observed them, you leaned against the doorway of the living room and mindlessly rubbed your hand over your stomach but soon jumped when your brother nudged you with his elbow and snapped you out of your daze. 

"Told you everything was going to be fine," Nate smirked. 

"Whatever," you replied. "But thank you for watching Mia and Frank."

"Anytime."

The two of you then looked back to Auston and Mia as they chatted away. 

"What do you say we take Frank for a walk in a bit?" He asked Mia, to which she nodded in response excitedly. "Or better yet, how about when Mitchy gets home later, we see if he, Steph and Zeus are up for a little visit?"

"My Mitchy!"

"Yes, your Mitchy, baby girl. C'mon, let's go get you a little snack first."

You and Nate laughed as you watched the two, but before Auston could head down the hallway to the kitchen with Mia, your brother stepped away from your side and spoke up.

"Wait, Auston, before you go, I have a question," Nate said, then glanced between you and him. "For you and Y/N, actually."

"What's up?" Auston asked as he came to a stop and shifted Mia in his hold. 

"Ok, I know it's probably a weird thing to ask, but hear me out."

"Nate, just spit it out," you joked as you pushed away from the doorframe and went to stand with Auston and Mia. 

"Rude," your brother replied but brushed your comment off quickly. "I was thinking, well, if you're ok with it, that maybe I stay here with you guys for a while?"

"What?" You asked, surprised.

"Feel free to say no. It's just a suggestion. But, I work from home. That's why I could go to Florida with dad and Alice for so long, and I thought that maybe I could just stay here for a bit and do the same thing. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I know you haven't been doing great health-wise, Y/N, and I want to help. I'm going to be back here in less than two weeks for Mia's birthday as it is. What if I just stayed then?"

You continued looking at your brother, completely shocked because that was not what you were expecting him to say. But, it wasn't much to process. It was actually a very genuine offer.

"You've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?" Auston asked curiously.

"Since I was here at Christmas, yeah," Nate explained. "I figured it might be easier on you, Y/N and Mia to have an extra person here all the time, you know? Just to help out where I can and, of course, hang out with my favourite niece."

"Nate, are you sure?" You questioned. "You really don't have to."

"I want to, though. Or else I wouldn't have offered."

"Well, I have no issue with it," Auston stated, then looked at you. 

You just smiled, then shook your head. 

"I'd love to have you stay here with us for a while. I could never say no to getting to see my baby brother."

"Let's see how quickly that opinion changes when I do stay," Nate responded, making you all laugh. 

"How's that sound, mini?" Auston then asked Mia. "Uncle Nate is going to stay with us in a couple of weeks. Did you have fun with him, Pa and Alice this morning?"

"Yeah," Mia replied and leaned her head against her dad's shoulder. 

"And what did you all do?"

"Mommy said fuck," she blurted out, making you gasp this time as you looked at her with wide eyes. 

"Amelia!"

"Busted," Nate mumbled and gave you a look, to which you just scowled in return. 

"Did she?" Auston questioned your daughter, a playful grin tugging at his mouth as he did. "And did you tell mommy that's a bad word?"

"Mhm."

"And I thought we agreed you weren't going to rat me out, Mia," you said, then leaned over to tickle her a little bit. "But we don't say that word, ok? Even if mommy does. It's not nice."

"Ok, mama," she replied, then looked to Auston again. "Snacks, daddy?"

"Yes, of course," he told her, then rushed down the hallway towards the kitchen, making her start laughing like crazy again. You and Nate just gave each other knowing looks, smiling, then headed down the hall after them. 

~*~

The following days were the best days you’d had in almost a month. 

Everything between you and Auston was good, there were no further issues between the two of you and everything felt right once again. The best part too was that after one game in Buffalo two days after you and Auston had your talk, the Leafs were on bye week. So, Auston was going to be home during that entire week and then once the team started up again, there was a nice home game stretch. You were thrilled. 

Although the day after you stayed with your family, Nate flew back to Montreal while your dad and Alice went back to Vancouver, it definitely wasn’t as hard as a goodbye. Unfortunately, your dad and Alice weren’t able to get more time off work to come back to Toronto the following week for Mia’s birthday. But, Nate and Mya were going to be there and that was more than you could’ve asked for. Also, your dad and Alice made sure to spend a bit more time with Mia and gave her a little gift before they had to get to Pearson and fly home. 

On the Monday before Mia’s birthday, you were out with Mitchy picking up a few things in preparation for the little birthday party you and Auston were having for her that following weekend. It worked out nicely too because you didn’t have much work to do for your job that day and managed to finish it all before Mitch picked you up then the two of you embarked on your shopping trip together.. 

Mia’s actual birthday was on Thursday, which was going to consist of your little family just having a little chill day to yourselves before going to Mitch and Steph’s house for dinner because, as Mia’s godparents, the two of them insisted that there was no way they weren’t seeing their goddaughter on her birthday. But the party set to take place on Saturday was a completely different story. 

“So, you’re just not going to help me with figuring out what to get Mia?” Your cousin asked as the two of you sat down at a table to grab some lunch together before heading home. “Selfish.”

“Mitch, I don’t even know what to get her,” you replied. “Auston was the one that came up with her birthday gift this year. I’ll probably get her a toy of some sort just to toss in with it seeing as Auston picked out clothes and stuff. And besides, you don’t have to get her anything.”

He scoffed at your last comment.

“Did he show you what he picked out at least?”

“No! He hid everything from me so I wouldn’t give him shit about it.”

“Now why would you give him shit?” Mitch asked, laughing. 

“I think the fact that he dropped a Gucci bag while taking out the recycling this morning, then looked at me with wide eyes before booking it into the garage and avoiding the situation entirely, speaks enough for itself,” you responded, making your cousin laugh even harder. 

“Incredible.”

“Mia doesn’t need Gucci slides, Mitchell. She’s two.”

“Try telling that to your husband,” he replied with a shrug, making you roll your eyes. “And here I am wondering how the hell me and Steph are going to do better than last year's gift.”

“Is it wrong of me to guess that you won’t?” You questioned while looking at him with an expression that resembled the yikes emoji, earning yourself a look of disbelief from your cousin. 

“Y/N!”

“What? You know how much Mia loves that stuffed whale that you and Steph got her last year. It’s literally her comfort item. I genuinely don’t know how you expect to top that when even me and Auston can’t.”

“Ok, that’s fair. That makes me feel a bit better.”

“Drama queen,” you grumbled just as the waiter approached, thankful that their presence seemingly covered what you just said. 

You and Mitch were at one of your favourite restaurants in the city, so neither of you needed to look at the menu to know what you wanted seeing as it was the place you frequented the most together. So, after kindly greeting the waiter, who already recognized the two of you, and placed your orders, you both soon fell into comfortable silence and began doing your own thing while waiting. 

Almost instinctively, you messaged Auston to see what he and Mia were up to and how they were doing. He briefed you on how he took Mia downtown to the Distillery District with Frank and that they walked around for a bit before going on a little lunch date themselves before going back home to unwind a bit. You couldn’t help but smile at the image that entered your thoughts as you picture your little family on their day off, but were then interrupted by Mitch laughing out loud. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled after he noticed you jump at his sudden outburst. “Steph just sent me this tweet. Hold on, I’ll send it to you too.”

A moment later, your phone vibrated with a new notification and sure enough, it was a link to the tweet that Mitch was talking about. You clicked it couldn’t help but chuckle when Twitter opened and showed a meme talking about things only people who lived in Toronto would understand. After reading it, you shook your head then went to tap the little home button to see if there was anything new on your feed, but then you realized that you had a notification. 

It was weird though, because you hardly ever used Twitter. When you did, it was just to scroll through and get caught up on things you may have otherwise missed or to see something someone else sent you. However, for the past month you were more drawn to the app and you hated why. 

Since around Christmastime, literally the day after you fainted and learned that you had anemia, you’ve been the subject of an unnecessarily large amount of internet hate and you just couldn’t look away. 

This kind of thing wasn’t new. Ever since you first started dating Auston back at the beginning of 2017, there’d been a fair share of comments and speculations made by accounts with no name or picture that seemingly went out of their to talk shit about your relationship. Usually, you were unbothered by it all. Sure, some of the comments stung but you always reminded yourself that these people knew nothing about your life or your relationship. It was unfortunate there were people in the world that just had nothing better to do than have opinions about strangers and felt the need to bring them down because of it and so it was never something you tried to entertain. But, this time around, their words were really getting to you.

You knew you shouldn’t care, however,  you couldn’t help but wonder what the notification could be about, so, you clicked and saw that you had been mentioned in a tweet. Even more curious, seeing as you didn’t recognize the profile of the person who mentioned you, you then tapped on the tweet to see that it was actually someone defending you. 

And yet, you still felt your heart drop because that tweet was actually part of a whole thread going off about how rough you looked when you and Mitch were briefly seen at Costco about an hour prior while the two of you were there getting supplies for Mia’s party.

You suddenly became more self-conscious of the messy bun your hair was thrown up into on the top of your head. But it wasn’t just that either, it was your baggy grey hoodie that you didn’t even realize actually belonged to Auston until you were met by the familiar scent of his cologne once you put it on and your simple black tights seeing as you were beyond the point of trying to squeeze into jeans anymore with your growing baby bump, as well. The most impressive part of your outfit was how it seamlessly hid your stomach and that wasn’t even intentional. 

When you were getting ready that morning, you didn’t think you’d have to dress up to hangout with your cousin as the two of you did some running around then get lunch, now you were thinking you should have. But why? Why did these people seemingly care so much? But what you really didn’t get was why you once again, took what they were saying to heart. 

Mitch noticed the way your smile soon turned into a frown as you stared at your screen. He wasn’t going to say anything at first, but after a moment passed and he saw your eyes become glossy as you continued scrolling, there was no way he couldn’t.

“Y/N?” He asked, making you jump as you snapped your attention to him. “What’s bothering you?”

Honestly, if it was anyone but Mitch, you would’ve immediately gone into denial. But when it came to your cousin, someone who has been by your side literally your entire life and knew you better than a lot of people, it was impossible because he could just simply read through your lies. 

“It’s stupid, really,” you sighed. 

“If it’s making you upset, it isn’t stupid. Everything ok?”

You didn’t respond, instead you glanced down at your phone at the still-open Twitter thread then set the device down on the table and slid it towards your cousin. Mitchy looked at you skeptically, but then picked up your phone and started reading what was on the screen as well.

It didn’t take long for his eyebrows to furrow in disappointment as he scrolled and took even less time for that disappointment to turn into anger. 

“Mitchy-.”

“Who the hell do these people think they are?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered, shaking your head as you fought to keep the tears you already knew were welled up in your eyes from spilling over. “I try so hard not to pay attention to things like that Mitch, but they've been coming for my throat lately and having that on top of everything else I’m dealing with is just a lot.”

“Y/N, there’s a comment of someone saying apparently you looked worse today than when another person saw you last week when you were crying,” he explained, sounding confused but also pissed off. “How long has it been this bad?”

“About a month now. And yeah, I saw those comments as I was getting home from the appointment I had with my therapist last week. That’s why I was crying.”

“Excuse me? That’s what they’re referring to?” Mitch asked incredulously. “Oh, my god. Y/N, I’m so sorry, this is fucked up. I’m tempted to say something, I-. What does Auston think about it all?”

“No, don’t!” You stressed, knowing full well that he’d definitely make a comment in your defence if you didn’t stop him. “And, Auston doesn’t know.”

“What do you mean he doesn’t know? Has he not seen how upset this is making you?”

“No,” you replied before pausing. “I haven’t let him.”

Mitch’s expression softened at that, but he still looked at you with a stern gaze. 

“Y/N, you can’t keep blocking him out,” he stated. “I know the two of you talked the other day and things are good. You don’t have to deal with this alone. Auston will listen, you just have to give him the chance to.”

“I know,” you said, then sighed again. “Things have just been so good since we talked and that’s what I’ve been focusing on. I honestly forgot about the comments until I saw that I got mentioned in one of them. But you’re right, I don’t know why I just haven’t told Auston. I guess it does kind of indirectly involve him. I’ll tell him once I get home.”

“As you should. He’d probably find a classier way to shut that shit down than I would anyways.”

You laughed at that. 

“You’re not wrong. But thank you, Mitchy. You have no idea what it means to me knowing that I always have you looking out for me. And Steph. I’m very grateful for both of you.”

“Good, cause we’re not going anywhere,” he stated as a matter of factly, then glanced away as he noticed the waiter approaching again. “Also, I’ll be following up on whether or not you told Auston.”

“Yes, Mitchell. I’d expect nothing less.”

After you finished getting lunch with Mitchy, he drove you home, but didn’t leave without saying hi to Mia first seeing as she was already out with Auston when Mitch picked you up. He didn’t stay for too long though seeing as he knew he’d be seeing his goddaughter again in the upcoming days for her birthday. 

Once Mia was done saying bye to her Mitchy, Auston saw him to the door and locked it behind him while you took your daughter upstairs to put her down for her afternoon nap. You were pretty tired by then, thinking that taking your own nap would be nice too and as you snuck out of Mia’s room and gently closed the door behind you, only to meet Auston in the hallway as he came up the stairs, it seemed like he had the same idea too. 

A few minutes later, the two of you were laying in bed all curled up together. Auston had you wrapped in his arms; his left leg slung over both of yours, while you rested against his chest, letting yourself relax and your eyes gradually flutter shut with each breath he took. He let out a sigh of contentment, and that was when thoughts of your conversation with Mitch started creeping into your mind again. 

There was no point in telling Auston right at that moment about the Twitter trolls, you could easily just tell him later. But since you started thinking about it, you knew you wouldn’t stop until you talked with your husband, therefore, became less relaxed. 

“Something’s bothering you,” Auston spoke, surprising you and making you roll your eyes at how that man could read you like a freaking book.  

“It’s nothing to worry about right now,” you replied and snuggled closer to him. “I’ll tell you after we nap.”

“Babe, I know you. You’re not going to rest until you get whatever it is bothering you off your chest. You can tell me.”

At that, you sighed.

“You know me well, Matthews.”

“I’m assuming that’s part of why you agreed to marry me, isn’t it?” He teased as you shifted away from him so that the two of you could face each other, but not away from his embrace. 

“That, and your irritating charm,” you replied as a matter of factly, making him chuckle. You smiled too as he delicately reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, then leaned against his touch as he let his hand linger there for a moment, studying you. 

“What’s going on in that mind of yours, bub?”

 “A lot of things,” you told him honestly. “Mainly good, but a couple not so good.”

He looked at you and nodded. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, if that’s ok with you.” 

“Of course it is,” he responded. “You never have to ask, you know that. What’s bothering you?”

“Well,” you sighed. “It seems pretty pathetic the more I think of it.”

“It’s not pathetic if it’s getting to you this much. Clearly it’s something important.”

“I- I guess you’re right. But, I think it’ll be easier to show you instead of trying to explain it. Do you have your phone?”

“Yeah, it’s just over there,” he explained, then rolled over to grab the device from there it rested on his bedside table, then faced you again. “Do you need it?”

“No,” you replied, smiling at just how much this man made your heart swell so effortlessly. “But, I want you to go on Twitter for me, please. Then search my first and last name and see what comes up. But make sure it’s our last name.”

Auston looked at you curiously, but still nodded and did as you asked. You laid there and observed as he unlocked his phone, opened Twitter and assumingly typed in your name. As he scrolled, you witnessed his soft and relaxed expression turn hard while he read each and every comment made about you, his brows furrowing as he did so. 

“Babe?” You asked after a couple of minutes.

“Y/N, these things that people are saying about you are so unnecessary,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “And they’re recent. How long has this been happening?”

“It’s always been a thing, but over the last month it’s just gotten out of hand,” you explained, sniffling a bit as you tried to not get upset over this, but failed miserably. “Some of them are just so mean. I’ve never felt like I was being watched or anything, but now I feel like I’m under this microscope just so people can attack me and go off about how everything I do is wrong. Usually I just ignore it. I don’t know why any of these people think it’s ok to make comments like that on someone’s life without knowing anything about it, but it’s been happening more frequently and it’s hard to ignore, Aus.”

“I don’t even know what to say. They’re talking about you not being at games and making comments about how you look. These people have no clue what the hell you’re going through. This is insane. T-they haven’t made any mean comments about you being pregnant, have they?”

“No, babe. I haven’t seen any comments about that,” you told him, knowing he was already putting blame on himself, which you refused to let him do. “I don’t think anyone assumes that we’re expecting again. Probably because of how I haven’t been going out all that much lately unless it’s with Mia real quick or to an appointment. But, Auston, that’s beside the point. Can you look at me for a sec?”

His brown eyes immediately snapped to yours, moving from his phone screen for the first time since he began reading the tweets. He was frowning and you knew it was because this was beginning to bother him as much as it bothered you.

“This is not your fault.”

“Y/N, the reason people even feel the need to make comments like this about you, is because of me. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be getting attacked like this for literally no reason at all.”

“Do you not think I knew that when we started dating in the first place?” You challenged him. “That I didn't know people would constantly be criticising our relationship? I knew what I was getting myself into and if that was do or die for me, I wouldn’t be here with you right now. You are worth everything. And  besides, Auston, it's not you, it’s them. I didn’t tell you this to upset you. I’m just trying to be better with letting you know how I’m feeling and this is something that’s really been bugging me lately.”

At that, Auston’s hardened expression softened as he took in everything you said, then nodded.

“You’re right,” he spoke softly. “Thank you for not letting me get too in my head about it and for being so open with me, baby.”

“Of course,” you replied while smiling at him, then glanced down at his phone, which still had Twitter open. “I wish I could tell them to fuck off without causing a whole scene because of it.”

“I’ll say something.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Y/N-,” he started to argue, but you cut him off. 

“Please, Auston. Don’t,” you replied firmly. “You know as well as I do that if anyone was to react in my defence to this, especially you, it’d cause an uproar. It’d get way worse before it got better. Although I appreciate the thought and really don’t know how else I can make this better, I know that’s not the way to do it. And besides, I don’t think the Leafs PR would love you picking fights with random accounts on Twitter.”

“Fine,” he sighed, rolling his eyes slightly because he knew you were right. “Just know that if I can come up with a way to shut all of that down without directly telling those people to fuck off, I’m doing it.”

“I’d expect nothing less, and I wish you luck with trying to come up with a way to do that. But for now, I think I’ll just delete Twitter. That way I can just avoid it entirely. Thank you for listening to me vent about this, though.”

“I’m glad you did. And please try to not let what they’re saying get to you, Y/N. They’re not true. These people know nothing about you and if they did, they wouldn’t be able to say any of that because they’d know how amazing you are.”

“Thank you, Aus,” you replied, then leaned over to peck his lips before laying back down and cuddling close to him again. “I don’t know about you, but I definitely need a nap now.”

“You and me both,” he responded then laid down too, making sure to wrap his arms around you again. “Then when we wake up, we’ll get to see our little girl again too.”

~*~

Three days later was Mia’s birthday, which was pretty hard for you and Auston to accept, but you couldn't have asked for the day to turn out any better than it did. 

The morning started pretty simple. You woke up resting against Auston’s exposed upper body, shivering slightly at the cool air that filled the room, then spotted the pyjamas shorts that you never put on the night before partially hanging off the edge of the bed. It was easy to assume that the t-shirt you planned to wear as well must’ve fallen onto the floor during the activities you and your husband engaged in after taking a romantic and intimate bath together. However, you were unbothered by it all because you felt great. 

The sun peeked through the closed curtains, filling your bedroom with warm orange rays of light as the sun continued to rise outside, making you smile as you basked in the rays and at the thought of how it wouldn’t be too long until Mia was awake. Your two-year old. What a concept. 

Auston shifted next to you, making you wonder if he was still asleep or not. But when he gently stroked your arm as he moved his hand up to start playing with your hair, you got your answer. 

“Good morning,” you said, smiling as you moved away from him. You didn’t bother covering your chest either as you kissed his bicep then leaned onto your elbow so you could face him. However, instead of the seeing the usual smile Auston greeted you with most mornings, he was frowning. Which made you do the same. “You ok?”

“What makes you think I’m not ok?” He asked, curiously. 

“You’re moping.”

“I’m not!”

“Ok, if you’re not sulking then let’s go get Mia,” you prodded. “Our two-year old.”

“No, stop,” he whined dramatically and rolled away from you, not stopping until he was on his stomach but still turned his head back to face you. “I’m sensitive.”

“This is hitting you pretty hard, huh?”

“She’s two, babe! Time is moving way too quick. How can I not be upset over that?”

“And dramatic,” you pointed out, making him roll his eyes. 

“You’re acting pretty chill for someone who is the mother of said two year old and her soon to be little sibling,” he challenged, making you frown. 

“I know that, but you don’t gotta remind me.”

“You know I’m teasing,” Auston replied, then leaned over to place a soft peck on your bump before looking up at you. “Man, Mia is going to be the best big sister.”

“She really is,” you agreed while pushing your hand through your husband's hair. “I still don’t think she completely understands the concept of how there’s going to be a baby around all the time in a few months just yet, but she did point to my stomach the other day while we were taking a walk and asked if ‘her baby’ was warm.”

“And I missed it?” He asked while looking at you with a face that resembled the pleading emoji, a pout forming on his lips as you nodded. “What’d we do to deserve the sweetest little girl on the planet as our daughter?”

“I don’t know, but I’d say we’re pretty freaking lucky to have her. God, can you believe that she’s two already? Like that’s insane to me.”

“I don’t think I’ve fully processed it, yet. What do you mean she’s not going to be small forever?”

Both of you laughed after that, but it was really just a way to cover up the pain. However, before either of you could think about it for too much longer, you heard Mia shuffle through the monitor and listened as she said good morning to Frank, who decided to sleep in her room the night before.

“I guess that’s our cue,” you said to Auston, then leaned down to peck the side of his mouth before rolling away from him and getting out of the bed. Goosebumps raised on your skin as you wrapped a blanket around your body and made way to the ensuite, but had to pause when an all too familiar wave of lightheadedness crashed into you. 

“Babe?” Auston asked. Concern laced his voice as he sat up right away and watched you grip onto the duvet and slowly sit down on the ottoman that was positioned at the end of the bed, your eyes closed as you did so. He immediately stood up, keeping the bed sheet wrapped around his lower body as he went to where you were sitting, crouching down and taking your hand into his, noticing how cold you felt, before gently rubbing over your knuckles with his thumb. “Hey, I’m right here.”

“Thank you,” you responded after taking a few deep breaths, then slowly opened your eyes to meet his gaze again once you felt ok enough to do so. “I think I’m alright, must’ve just stood up too fast.”

A small sigh left his mouth as he continued looking at you with the same expression he looked at you with when you told him about the Twitter troll's other dau. As if he was trying to read your mind. 

“I worry about you,” he spoke quietly. You knew he didn’t mean it in a way to upset you and you didn’t take it that way either. Auston was letting himself be vulnerable while getting something off his chest, just like you had been doing a lot lately by working on not shutting him out. The least you could do was listen to him, and you wanted to. “So much. You have no idea how much harder it’s gotten to leave for away games with you constantly feeling like this.”

“It sucks,” you agreed with him. “But, it’ll all be worth it in the end, Aus, when our baby is here. We both just have to stick it out for a few months longer. It’s not going to be easy, but we can do it. I know we can.” 

You maintained eye contact with him as you spoke and were able to see the way his gaze softened as he hung onto every word you said. However, he didn’t respond. Instead, he nodded then pulled you into his embrace, which you gladly accepted.

“You are the strongest person I know,” Auston eventually said, making you laugh slightly, then him to move away so he could look at you again. “I mean it, babe. I swear, you’re like Superwoman. It doesn’t matter what shitty hand you’re dealt, you always see the best parts of it and power through. You’re incredible.”

“Well now you’re going to make me cry,” you replied, letting out another laugh in an attempt to cover the sob that was inevitably going to escape your mouth. When in actuality, tears were already streaming down your face and you were sniffling, but not in a bad way. “And here I was thinking my hormones weren’t going to be as bad as they were when I was pregnant with Mia.”

“Oh, and you claim I’m the one that’s going to be emotional today over it being Mia’s birthday.”

“You are and we both know it.”

“Touche,” he smiled as he squeezed your knee, then leaned in to peck your lips real quick. “Why don’t you wait here and I’ll go grab Mia? Then we can get ready and go downstairs for breakfast.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” you nodded, then watched him stand and leave the room as you began mentally preparing yourself for what the rest of the day would consist of. 

As soon as you and Auston wished Mia a happy birthday, she took the idea of being the centre of attention and ran with it. She absolutely loved and was thriving being the prime focus of everyone who FaceTimed her that morning to wish her well and would make sure to remind you and Auston that it was her special day constantly because of how hyped up she felt. 

A few snarky comments were made between you and Auston over who Mia got her ego from. However, it was still apparent that she got it from her dad, but Auston had to make sure the fact that she got her sass from you was still known. 

After breakfast the two of you gave Mia her gifts. As you suspected, Auston bought her unnecessary luxury items that no two year old in the world would ever need. But, you had to admit Mia looked pretty freaking cute strutting around in a tiny pair of custom Air Force Ones and a Prada bucket hat that matched ones Auston owned too. What you contributed to the gift was this little nurse kit you saw after getting lunch with Mitchy on Monday. It had little toy bandages, a stethoscope and a bunch of other items, along with a little bag to carry them all in. Seeing how Mia was always concerned and wanted to help when she thought one of the people she cared about was sad or hurt, the nurse kit seemed like a very fitting gift. And with the way Mia smiled like crazy once she saw it, then wanted to open the kit right away, you knew you made a good call. 

Once the initial birthday hype dwindled a little bit, a couple of hours later, you found yourself cuddling on the couch with Mia as the two of you watched Inside Out together. You had finished all the work you needed to do for the day and Mia was fading fast as she rested against your side, holding onto her stuffed whale with one arm and letting the other rest on your bump. Each time you glanced down at her, she continued fighting to keep her eyes open. However, once you started gently rubbing her head, seeing as you knew it was nap time, she was done for and soon passed right out.

Not too long after that, Auston returned home after running downtown real quick and thanks to the look you gave him once he walked through the door, knew he needed to be quiet. 

“That didn’t take long,” he spoke softly after he took off his coat and shoes, then came into the living room. He made sure to give you a quick kiss as he walked by, then curled up on the other end of the couch with Frank before looking back to you and smirking. “Did Mia think you weren’t feeling well?”

“Hmm?” You responded, confused by what would make him think that because in the moment, you felt fine.

“You have bandages on your face, bub.”

“Oh! Yeah, she thought I wasn’t feeling good and only agreed to lay down with me and watch the movie if she could make me feel better first. I just forgot that including sticking bandages on my face.”

Auston laughed as he watched you peel off the two bandages from Mia’s nurse kit that were stuck on your cheeks, then looked at you with a kind of serious gaze once your eyes met his again. 

“How are you feeling, though?”

“I’m alright,” you explained. “A little tired, but otherwise, both physically and mentally, I’m feeling pretty good right now. This little girl has been playing a big part in that, for sure.”

“I’m glad,” Auston replied with a smile then stood up again. “You rest. As soon as Mia is awake again, she’ll be wondering when we’re going over to Mitch and Steph’s so you might miss your window of opportunity. I’m going to get a drink, though. Would you like anything?”

“I’d love some water. Thanks, baby.”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

You smiled as you watched him leave the room, then let your head fall back against the pillow and took a breath. Mia shifted beside you, but only to snuggle closer to you, which made you smile even wider as softly ran your hand through her curls. Then your gaze fell to your phone, which was resting on the cushion next to you, as it lit up with a notification. 

It was an Instagram notification. After the talk you had with Auston about the unnecessary hate you were getting, primarily on Twitter seeing as that was the only social media account you didn’t have set as private, and how it was affecting your mental health; you deleted the app entirely. Which, in complete honesty, did give you a peace of mind because it was all just easier to ignore that way. Although part of you wished you were gutsy enough to shut down the people who were attacking you, and were well aware of how the people who cared about you had no issue in saying something, ignoring it seemed like the easiest thing to do. 

It was nice seeing a social media notification and not getting anxious because of it, so without thinking too much about it, you unlocked your phone to see what was going on, on Instagram. 

The notification was about something the Maple Leafs account had posted, which instantly piqued your interest because you knew the post would have something to do with either your husband, cousin, or just one of the guys. You knew they weren’t playing that night, they were still on bye week, which made you wonder what the post could be about even more. So, without wasting any more time, you clicked the notification and were brought to the post. 

Much to your surprise, there wasn’t even a proper caption on the post. Instead, it was just a link to donate and a hashtag that said #BellLetsTalk. 

Bell Let’s Talk was something you were very familiar with. It was an annual event hosted by Bell, a major telecommunications company in Canada that was an awareness campaign to help bring attention to and support mental health initiatives across the country, as well as try to end the negative stigma that tends to surround mental health struggles. Although you believed that there should be events similar to this one for every day of the year as opposed to one, you still took part because regardless, it was still for a good cause.

During the event, which lasts 24 hours, Bell donates five cents for every call and text their customers send that day. The same thing goes for every Tweet that is shared using the Bell Let’s Talk hashtag and each time their promotional videos are shared and viewed, as well as a number of other ways for people to take part on all social media platforms.

It was a campaign you supported greatly with how close it hit to home. Having faced mental health struggles for much of your life and knowing how it truly was something that affected everyone in some way, you took part in Bell Let’s Talk and donated to the cause every year. However, up until that moment, you weren’t even aware of how that day was the day of the campaign. 

Your immediate thought was to go to Bell’s website so you could donate, but before you could do that, you noticed that what the Leafs posted was a video when JT’s face appeared on your screen. The video was muted, but you were quick in turning your volume up so you could hear what he was saying. 

“Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day,” he spoke calmly, before it cut to a clip of Mitchy. 

“Mental health is something that affects us all,” your cousin said. “Whether it be something you personally face, or maybe a loved one, it’s important to bring light to these struggles and help end the stigma that surrounds them.”

“People face internal battles that you know nothing about,” Auston’s voice started, then showed him wearing the exact same black hoodie and cream coloured beanie he’d been wearing all day. “There’s no way of knowing what someone may be going through regardless of what is seen on the outside and it’s up to us to be respectful of that. Kindness goes a lot further than unnecessary hate.”

“It’s ok to not be ok,” Mo spoke next. “Ways you can help end the stigma is by clicking the link below. If you’re unable to donate, a simple tweet using the Bell Let’s Talk hashtag, Snapchat filter, or view on Bell’s video will get five cents donated towards mental health initiatives across Canada. Help be the change.”

The video went dark, and you could feel the tears welled in your eyes as you closed out of the app then looked up at Auston as he entered the room again, chuckling slightly at the way the smile that was on his face dropped once he saw you. 

“Are you ok? Did something happen?” He asked, concerned.

“No,” you told him, smiling as you shook your head, but still being careful not to disturb Mia. “I’m fine, babe. I did just see the Bell Let’s Talk video the Leafs posted, though.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s what I had to run downtown for. Did I forget to tell you?”

“You didn’t forget. You’re not that smooth, Matthews.”

“Ok, ya got me there,” he replied, letting out a small laugh as he walked towards you, then crouched down so he’d be eye level with you. “I know how important this campaign is to you and with how you’ve been getting attacked even while dealing with your own shit so much lately, I figured this would be a good way for me to subtly address that issue as well as support a great cause.”

At that, you closed your eyes and shook your head again. 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” you told him honestly, and didn’t miss the small grin that tugged at his lips once you opened your eyes again. “I mean it. Thank you, Auston. Thank you for caring and never making me feel like what goes on in my mind is a burden.”

“You’re never a burden to me, Y/N. Please don’t ever forget that.”

“I’ll try not to, I promise.”

“Good,” he responded, then leaned forward to meet your mouth in a sweet kiss. You smiled against his lips, then used your free arm that wasn’t wrapped around Mia to pull him closer. After a moment, the two of you broke away from each other, but Auston stayed where he was and leaned his forehead against yours and smirked. “Did you donate?”

“Not yet,” you told him, grinning because you knew where he was going with this. “I’m not telling you how much I’m donating either because I know you’ll try to one-up me like you do every year.”

“Just trying to support a good cause,” he shrugged, then winked at you. “Proud of you though for continuously supporting something you believe in though, babe. It’s kind of hot, I must say.”

You rolled your eyes. 

“Leave it to you to turn a serious talk into flirting.”

“Why are you acting surprised?”

“Oh, I’m not,” you stated. “I expect it at this point.”

“As you should,” Auston said then pecked your lips once more before standing up again. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to squeeze in a nap before that one wakes up again.”

“Well come on then,” you replied and scooted a little closer to Mia. The couch cushions were obnoxiously wide and Auston could easily fit where you and Mia were laying. The three of you had cuddled in that same position many times before and by the way Auston stayed smiling as you said that, you knew he wasn’t opposed to the idea either. 

“Well, if you insist,” he responded, then waited as you shifted onto your side so that you’d be facing Mia and Auston crawled into the space behind you, wasting no time in getting into a big spoon position as he held you close and you both eventually fell asleep too. 

~*~

The rest of Mia's birthday consisted of going over to Mitch and Steph's for dinner and not much else, but the birthday festivities didn't end there. Two days later was Mia's birthday party with all the friends and family that could make it, and you were pretty damn excited.

The day after Mia's birthday, Nate and Mya arrived. Mya stayed for the weekend and would be flying back to Vancouver on Sunday evening, the day after Mia's party. However, Nate came packed with a giant suitcase and a gym bag full of belongings seeing as he was going to be staying at your house for the foreseeable future. It wasn't really discussed just how long Nate would be staying, but you didn't feel like you needed to. You were happy to welcome your brother into your home for however long and could tell that Auston and Mia didn't hate the idea either. 

Nate made the five and a half-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto, getting to your house around noon, then crashed in one of the guest room he was claiming as his own for the duration of his stay. A couple of hours later, after he woke back up, the two of you took his car to Pearson so you could pick up Mya, then went back home to spend the rest of the evening hanging out. 

Mia refused to leave her aunt and uncle's side until she had to go to bed; she was just so happy to have them around again. Nate and Mya ended up being the ones to put her to bed that night before joining you and Auston back downstairs to watch a movie before you all soon went to bed as well. 

The next morning, you were up early so you could start making breakfast for everyone and get all the last minute things organized for Mia's party. Normally you'd spend some of your weekends doing freelance writing and editing, seeing as the rest of the week was consumed by your PR job, which luckily you were able to work from home doing both. But this weekend, you took off entirely and left open, so you could spend time with your loved ones and, of course,  celebrate your daughter all over again. 

Not long after you first got downstairs, Auston soon entered the kitchen carrying a still sleepy-looking Mia as she leaned against his shoulder and tiredly knuckled at her eyes. 

"Morning, mommy," she greeted, her voice a little scratchy once she and Auston were beside you, then leaned away from her dad so she could hug you. 

You were at the end of being 20 weeks pregnant, and your bump was enough proof of that. Every day you were convinced that your stomach got larger, but more importantly, you just couldn't believe that you were already halfway to meeting your new baby, and you were so excited. 

Mia became accustomed to resting against your bump whenever you held her. She claimed that 'her' baby was in there and would talk to your stomach from time to time as well. She was taking the idea of you being pregnant really well, even though she didn't fully understand it, but you couldn't be happier about it. 

"Good morning, sweet girl," you replied, then took her from Auston and held her on your side. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah," she told you, then leaned against your shoulder just like she had with Auston. "Breakfast?"

"Yes, I'm making pancakes. Your favourite. Did you brush your teeth with daddy?"

"Yup!"

"Good job, baby," you responded, then placed a series of kisses on her cheek, earning yourself a series of giggles as she squirmed in your hold. Once she stopped moving around, you gave her a little squeeze and looked at your husband, who was looking towards you and Mia but seemed to be a little zoned out, then smiled. "Aus?"

"Hmm?" Auston asked and shook his head slightly before looking towards you.

"You seem in deep thought."

"Oh, uh, just thinking about everything, I guess. Mainly about how much I love my two girls, though."

You gave him a look in response, but he just smiled then engulfed both you and Mia in a bear hug. 

"Daddy!" Mia groaned and pushed him away, but she was trying to get a reaction from him with the way she was smiling at him.

"Mia! I'm hurt," he gasped as he moved away from the two of you and held a hand over his heart in fake pain. 

"What a drama queen," you whispered to Mia, making her giggle again. However, before she could respond, a genuine gasp left her mouth, which had both you and Auston on high alert. 

"Mama," she whined as she clung onto you but began squirming in your hold, moving her leg away from where it was resting against your stomach. "I don't like that."

She then looked down at your bump, which you had to admit, felt a little weird for some reason and then it all clicked. What you and Mia were feeling was your baby moving for the first time. 

"Oh, Mia," you started with a small laugh, then glanced towards Auston, who looked very confused. "That's the baby moving around."

"Wait, are you serious?" Auston asked, then moved towards you and went to place his hand on your stomach, his face lighting right up when he felt the movements too. "They're moving."

"They're moving," you repeated, then let out a small sob once Auston looked at you again. It simply wasn't possible for you not to cry during that moment, but at least they were happy tears. Your baby moving was the reminder you needed to know that every hill you've had to climb and will continue to during this pregnancy will be so worth it in the end. 

Auston then had you engulfed in another hug and kissed you sweetly before anything else can be said. However, it wasn't long until the moment was ruined by your two-year old. 

"Baby, stop!" Mia exclaimed, then reached for Auston again so she wouldn't have to feel the baby any longer. 

"Do you not want to feel your baby, mini?" Auston asked as he took Mia and tried not to laugh. 

"No," she replied grumpily, then hid her face against his chest, making both you and him unable to contain your laughter anymore. 

"What's going on?" Mya's voice spoke, causing you to glance towards the doorway into the kitchen just as she walked in.

"Tee!" Mia said excitedly, then reached towards your sister. Auston set her down, and she sped right over to Mya, who wasted no time in scooping her up and holding her close.

"Hi, bestie!" Mya replied, then hugged her niece before looking at you and Auston. "Mmm, it smells good in here. What're you making?"

"We've got some pancakes, sausage, bacon, fruit and toast right now," you told her, then glanced towards Auston. "If you guys want eggs, by all means, but I cannot do the smell of them right now."

"That's fine. I can make some if you want to go get dressed," Auston suggested and leaned down to peck your lips again. "That way, you won't have to smell them."

"Deal."

"Mia, wanna go wake up your Uncle Nate?" Mya asked. 

"Yeah!" Mia replied, smiling widely as Mya carried her out of the room. 

You then looked at Auston, who was smirking at you before shaking your head again and heading upstairs with Frank to get changed into the outfit you planned on wearing that day. 

About 45 minutes later, you were changed, had eaten breakfast with your family and were now getting everything organized before everyone began arriving at your house for the party. Once you were all done eating and everyone helped clean up, Nate and Mya started getting dressed to go outside. 

"You guys going somewhere?" You asked the two of them as you stepped into the foyer from the living room. 

"Uh, yeah, we just have to go pick something up real quick," Nate explained, awkwardly glancing towards Mya as if silently asking for help as he did so. 

"Ok, weirdos. Everyone's going to start getting here around 4."

"We'll be back in like an hour," Mya stated, then glared at Nate, making it known that the two of them were up to something.

"Y'all are shady," you teased. "Where are you even going?"

"Hey, Mia, want to come with us?" Nate asked, then tried to glance around you to see where Mia was in the living room still with Auston—smoothly changing the subject.  

"Ok!" Your daughter replied, then came running into the foyer and over to her aunt and uncle. 

"You can't just take my kid," you scoffed. 

"We'll be right back," Mya said again, then started helping Mia put on her coat and boots. "She'll be fine."

"Babe, they're right," Auston spoke up as he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your middle. "She'll be fine with them. You know that."

"Fine," you grumbled and leaned back against Auston. "But not for too long. Mia's going to need a nap still before people start getting here. Also, just take my car, so you don't have to move her car seat."

"Sounds good," Nate responded as he opened the front door, then held his hand out for Mia to take, and the two of them walked out of the house together. 

"See ya!" Mya said, then went outside after the other two and closed the door behind her, leaving you and Auston alone in the house with Frank.

"They're up to something," you told Auston, then turned around in his hold so you could face each other. 

"When aren't they?" Auston chuckled. "I swear those two are always plotting."

"You've got a point."

He smiled at that, which soon turned into a smirk. 

"I didn't get the chance to say how good you look, baby."

"Oh," you replied softly, then glanced down at your outfit. You weren't wearing anything spectacular for the party, just a pair of ripped maternity jeans that fit you really well and a black off the shoulder long-sleeved shirt that admittedly did make your boobs look good. The outfit was accessorized with a gold necklace with a little circular disc that had an Aquarius symbol on it, Mia's zodiac sign that Steph gifted you on your birthday the year Mia was born, along with a bracelet Auston got you as a wedding gift. Your hair was in simple waves, but it seemed so soft and was glowing, which tied everything together. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that he was right. You did look good. 

Auston told you that you were beautiful every day, but this was the first day in a while that you actually felt that way. Every one who would be at Mia's party knew you were pregnant, so you didn't feel the need to hide it. Sure, you knew you didn't have to hide your pregnancy regardless, but with your loved ones, you felt comfortable enough to let your pregnancy glow really show. 

You then moved your gaze back to Auston and smiled. 

"Thank you, babe," you told him and welcomed the way his hands lingered on your waist as he pulled you closer. 

"Do you think we have time to go upstairs and, well, you know," he suggested as he looked down at you with heavy eyes full of lust. 

You bit down on your bottom lip, pondering what he was proposing for a moment, then grinned and took his hand to lead him up to your bedroom. 

"Yes, but let's make it quick."

About an hour later, after you and Auston were done with your activities upstairs, the two of you went back down to the living room and cuddled on the couch with Frank as you both waited for Nate, Mya and Mia to return home.

Not too long after that, you heard a car pull into the driveway and knew they were back. You and Auston didn't move from your spot until the front door opened. Mia's giggles filled the house, which instantly made you smile as you shifted out of Auston's hold and got up from the couch, but your mouth soon dropped open when you turned around to look into the foyer and saw a familiar blonde standing there holding your daughter. 

"Lexie?" You asked and covered your mouth as tears began pricking at your eyes as you rushed around the couch so you could greet your best friend. 

Lexie was your oldest friend. The two of you met when her family moved into a house down the street when you were both eight years old and have been inseparable ever since. She had been by your side for as long as you could remember and never strayed away. Lexie played a major role in helping you cope with your mom's death when you were 13. She was with you through the shitshow that your life felt like after you found out your ex-boyfriend, Chris, who you had been with since you were 16, was cheating on you and broke up with him five months before you met Auston and stuck around for everything in between. Nate and Mya called her their sister, and Mitch called her his honorary twin. That's how close the two of you were. 

She was also your roommate all through university, saw your relationship with Auston form and was just someone you've confided in for most of your life. Almost 20 years after the two of you first met, you were both still so incredibly close. Even though she moved to the States after you both graduated, that did nothing to strain your friendship. She was a bridesmaid in your wedding, a prominent figure in Mia's life regardless of the distance and just truly one of the best friends you've ever had. 

You and Lexie would talk at least once a week, and during your conversation the weekend prior, she apologized for not being able to come back to Toronto for Mia's birthday. It was apparent that she felt terrible, and sure, you were bummed you wouldn't be able to see your best friend, but you weren't upset. You understood that she couldn't make it, but now she was standing in your foyer, and you didn't know how to act. 

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing here?" Lexie scoffed and winked at you as she gave Mia a little squeeze. "Couldn't miss this little girl's second birthday, now could I?"

"Lexie, mama!" Mia said excitedly and couldn't stop smiling, making you feel like your heart could burst. 

Nate and Mya then peaked their heads in through the door, smiling widely. 

"Surprise!" They said in unison before coming into the house carrying bags. You then heard more doors close outside and felt confused once again. 

"I hope you don't mind, but why we really needed your car was because we needed it to pick up some other people from the airport too," Nate explained, then nodded towards the doorway just as Ema walked through the door with the rest of Auston's family not too far behind. 

You were full-on sobbing by that point and were quick in turning to hide against Auston's chest so no one would have to see your ugly cry as Auston laughed and wrapped his arms around you. 

"I'm surprised you all were able to pull it off," he said, then kissed the top of your head. 

"Wait, you were in on this?" You scolded as you moved away to look up at him, but as he grinned at you, you couldn't even pretend to be mad, then hugged him again. "Thank you, Auston."

After that, you pulled away from your husband to hug Lexie and Auston's family before everyone got settled in. 

When you and Auston first moved into your home in Toronto, it always felt big, but that was exactly what you wanted. Although there was one less bedroom now that the one across the hall from Mia's room was being transformed into a nursery, there was still enough room for everyone. Nate claimed one of the guest bedrooms on the main floor to sleep in for the duration of his stay at your house, then Mya and Lexie took the other main floor bedroom, which they would share for the next couple of days until they both had to leave. Auston's family took the basement, which was finished with two bedrooms, a washroom and a pullout couch in the living area. 

It was a full house but in the best way possible and only got better when everyone started arriving for Mia's party. 

Mitch and Steph arrived first, naturally, and you were quick in finding out that they too were in on Lexie, surprising you. Mitchy then immediately scooped up Mia as she came running into the foyer to greet him and Steph. He made his way down the hall towards the kitchen with her to say hi to everyone, leaving you and Steph to give each other a knowing look on how it'd be a while before anyone else got the chance to hang out with the birthday girl. 

Mitch's parents and brother Chris arrived not too long after, so did some friends and guys from the team along with their significant others and kids. Then the party really began. 

Mia loved having so many people she knew and loved around and had no issue being the centre of attention either. Once Mitch finally set her down again, she immediately went over to Freddie, Will and Mo, three of her favourite guys, and just sat on Fred's lap, completely content as he continued the conversation he was having. 

 An hour or so went by, and Mia was still living her best life. You and Auston knew that she would go to sleep smoothly that night because of how exhausted she'd be, but she was having so much fun, so it was definitely worth it. 

After everyone had something to eat and those who weren't driving grabbed another drink, you all gathered in the living room and dining room so Mia could open the excessive amount of gifts she had waiting for her. She got equipped, putting on her Prada bucket hat as she sat on Alex's lap then dug right in. 

Spoiled was an easy way of putting it when it came to the things Mia received for her birthday, but even then, she didn't let it get to her head. After every gift she opened, Alex would tell her who it was from, and Mia would climb off her lap, go over to whoever the present was from to hug them and say thank you before going back to her aunt and opening the next thing. 

You and Auston stood in the doorway, watching it all unfold. He stood behind you, his arms wrapped around your front again as you leaned back against him, his head gently resting on top of yours. You were pretty sure you saw Steph taking a picture of the two of you out of the corner of your eye, but you brushed it off as you shifted and placed a soft peck to Auston's bicep. 

"I still can't believe she's two," Auston said, thinking his voice was only loud enough for you to hear but was greatly mistaken. 

"Great, here we go," Lexie started from where she stood a few feet away, then looked over to where Mitch, Steph, Nate and Mya were all standing and held up her half-empty wine glass. "Drink."

They all took a drink, and that's when you noticed that many others in the room did too. 

"Hey," Auston whined as he looked around at everyone. "What's going on?"

"We all made a drinking game," Will spoke up. "Whenever you get sulky about Mia being a year older, we have to drink."

"I'm allowed to be, ok!" Auston defended, meanwhile you were trying not to cry laugh. 

"That's another drink," Mitchy stated, then cheered his drink with Mo before they all took a sip again. 

Auston looked so offended, which only made it better as everyone started laughing. 

"Babe, do you see what they're doing to us?" He asked and looked down at you. 

"This isn't about Y/N. This is about you," Bre told him. 

"Yeah, we only drink when it's you getting emotional," Steph elaborated. "Y/N is pregnant. She gets a free pass."

"Well, I'll just keep my mouth shut then, I guess," Auston grumbled, then went back to leaning against you and lowered his voice. "Even though she's going to be my mini forever."

"Drink!"

~*~

Almost a week later, you found yourself laying on the bed in the same building your doctor was in, about to get an ultrasound so you could see how your baby was doing and find out their gender. 

It was just a regular Friday afternoon, and you hadn't done a whole lot that morning, but you were exhausted. You had trouble falling asleep the night before because you got so nervous. Although you were just having a regular checkup with your doctor then getting the ultrasound done, you couldn't help but feel anxious because you kept worrying you were going be told something you didn't want to hear yet again when it came to you and your baby. 

You were scared, to put it simply. But luckily for you, Auston was there. 

Bye week had come to an end, and Auston was back playing games again, but they were at home. After the game he was to play the following day, the Leafs would be on the road again. But you got almost two full weeks of your husband being at home the entire time, so you weren't going to be greedy about it either. 

Auston had a practice that morning, so the plan was for him to meet you downtown for your appointments after. Your first appointment wasn't until 2pm, so as you waited until then, you, Mia, Nate, Steph and Lexie all got lunch downtown with Auston's family. Auston's family was flying back to Arizona that weekend, so it was just them and Nate in the house still, but you loved it. 

Ema, Alex and Bre all joined you for a few trips to various stores as you slowly continued getting things ready for your baby's nursery, and you spent a lot of nights in the kitchen having talks with Brian about everything going on in life. You adored Auston's family, that was a known thing, and you couldn't even begin to explain how much it meant to have them around and as involved as they were.

The same went for Nate and Lexie. He'd only been staying at your house for a week, but Nate had been so helpful around the house without you even having to ask. He just did his own thing but was also there helping with chores, keeping Mia occupied while you did work and taking Frank for walks whenever he felt like stepping out of the house for a bit. Lexie only stayed at your house for a couple of nights before visiting with friends and family she hadn't seen since the last time she was in Toronto. You still saw her almost every day, though. There was even a day where you and Mia joined her in driving a couple of hours out of the city to visit her parents, who you hadn't seen in a long time. But were always like second parents to you. 

Lexie would be staying in the city for at least another week, which was terrific. You had so many people that you cared about around again, which was amazing. You still had your usual Toronto fam, too, with Mitchy, Steph and some of the other guys on the team along with their wives and girlfriends. You still got to see a lot even without going to as many games as you usually would if you felt better physically. 

You woke up that morning feeling a little lightheaded and nauseous, which you immediately assumed was because of your anemia, but you knew it was also because of your nerves. However, as the day progressed and you spent time with your loved ones, you gradually felt better about your upcoming appointments. Then when you met up with Auston after lunch, those worries went away even more. 

Just having him near did wonders for your nerves seeing as he and Mia were two of your constant reminders that everything would be alright. 

The appointment with your doctor went much better than you were expecting. She could tell you were nervous but had nothing bad to share, which made you feel like an invisible weight had been lifted from your chest. Your baby was healthy, and so were you, which is all you wanted to hear before going down a couple of floors to where you'd be getting your ultrasound done. 

Mia was so good during it all too, and Auston was a big reason for that. She was just naturally more comfortable in any setting whenever he was around. Although she wasn't a fan of all the weird-looking machines in the ultrasound room, Auston kept her calm as the two of them chatted from where they sat on the other side of the room.

"Mia, what is with you and touching my moustache today?" Auston asked, making you laugh as you turned your head towards them and continued waiting for the doctor to come in. He had a point, though. Mia had been oddly fascinated by his moustache that day and just wouldn't stop poking it. Just after he said that she touched it again. "Mini!"

"Caterpillar, daddy," she replied casually, making Auston's mouth fall open in disbelief, and you gasp as you tried to contain your laughter. 

"Excuse me, did you just say my moustache looked like a caterpillar?"

"Yup," she confirmed, earning a scoff from her father. "Not pretty, though."

"I, I don't even know what to say to that," he responded, feeling speechless as he looked towards you for help.

"Don't look at me," you chuckled. "I haven't been telling her that, but I think I know who has."

"Hmm, looks like someone has been spending too much time with her uncle," Auston said, knowing what you were implying as he looked back to Mia. "The next time Uncle Nate says that mini, you tell him that at least your daddy can grow a moustache, unlike him."

"Oh, my God," you groaned, still smiling but soon had to recollect yourself as the doctor came in and did your ultrasound. 

The ultrasound also went really well. It didn't take too long. The doctor was great and even let Mia come over to stand next to the bed and hold your hand as it all happened. Then you, her and Auston were able to go back home together, having further confirmation that your baby was doing ok and their gender. 

You were thrilled. Both you and Auston cried a little bit after finding out and couldn't stop smiling as you explained what it all meant to Mia. 

Once the three of you got home, you all went upstairs to your bedroom and decided to lay down together. No one else was home, everyone was out still, and you knew they wouldn't be back until closer to dinnertime, which gave the perfect opportunity for a little family nap. 

After you changed into some comfy clothes, you and Mia got all snuggled in bed together as Frank curled up at the end of it, and Auston went into the ensuite to take a quick shower. Mia was fading fast as she cuddled you, resting against your bump and fighting to keep her eyes open as you mindlessly played with her curls. 

A few minutes later, Auston emerged from the ensuite, but Mia was already asleep. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of his two girls and wasted no time walking over to the bed. You went to shift to look at him better, but he quickly stopped you.

"Wait, no, can you stay like that for a sec?"

"Oh," you replied, confused, but still did as he asked. 

Auston then grabbed his phone and held it above where you and Mia were lying so he could snap a picture of the two of you. You chuckled and immediately looked down towards Mia so that your face would be covered by your hair a little bit. Once he was done taking the picture, he sat down and looked towards you again. 

"She's really going to be a big sister soon," he said disbelievingly and shook his head. "Like we've known for months now, but I just still can't wrap my head around it."

"Me neither," you told him and smiled softly. "Everything is going to be so different, but in the best possible way. Hell, even this pregnancy has been different. I'm not even referring to what I've been going through, either. This has really been able to stay our little secret aside from our loved ones, and that just feels good. We're going to be the ones to share our news, not anyone else."

"Exactly. Speaking of that, I think I have an idea for how we can share our news before we lose our chance to do so."

"It's overly dramatic, isn't it?"

"A little bit," he admitted. "But in a good way. Might end up breaking the internet a little bit, though."

"Auston," you started, feeling a little unsure. 

"Only if you're ok with it, of course. We don't have to."

After he explained his idea, you shook your head at how wild it was. 

"Babe, that'll literally be how our friends and family find out what we're having too. You know that, right?"

"I do," Auston nodded. "Which makes me want to do it a bit more. I'm feeling kind of chaotic."

"I can tell," you responded as he crawled under the blankets on the other side of Mia, then looked back to you. "But, if that's what you want to do, then sure. I'm just glad it's on our terms."

"Me too, just get ready for all the calls and texts from everyone."

"Oh, I'm ready."

The two of you fell silent as Auston went on his phone, then a couple of moments later, your phone lit up with a notification saying that you'd been tagged in a picture on Instagram. Although you already knew what it was, you still gave Auston a look, then unlocked your phone to see what the picture was of and felt speechless as you took it in. 

The photo was the one he'd just taken about ten minutes prior, and it was beautiful. Your baby blue sweater stuck out against the white bedding you laid on and looked aesthetically pleasing with the way it matched the tiny elastic that was holding Mia's hair away from her face as she slept. Mia's face was only partially visible as she laid next to you with her arm draped over your bump. Your face was in it more than Mia's was, which you preferred, and you were looking down at Mia with a huge smile, and even you had to admit, it was a lovely picture. Auston sure was getting better with using portrait mode.

However, this picture wasn't just announcing your pregnancy to the world. It also revealed something else that Auston typed out as the photo's caption. 

Baby boy Matthews, coming soon. See you in June, little man. 💙

[torisfeather]

Nightmare

A one-shot written for @creative-lampd-liberties

You can also find it here on AO3 and Ffnet

.

Janus jolted awake with a gasp, his heart pumping so hard he could feel the blood rushing in his temples. His panting mouth felt dry, while the human side of his face was way too wet with tears and sweat. His eyes, wide open, stared at the ceiling, too afraid to look somewhere else. His ears resonated with the sound of the nightmare he just had.

By the time he realized that he was in his room and that this was nothing more than a bad dream, his head started throbbing.

He winced, closing his mouth and tasting his cardboard-like tongue for a second before his glands remembered how to make saliva. He ran a hand over his hot forehead, as if he could wipe his headache away, but only managed to ruffle his messy hair more. He tried to close his teary eyes again but it was like the image of his nightmare was burned on the inner side of his eyelids.

It's all your fault…

The mere thought filled his chest with sobs.

He felt like he was suffocating, like in those legends of sleep-demons sitting on people's chests in their sleep. He could only cry, cry like a sick child, trying not to see, not to hear the remnants of his dream. His dream…

I don't want to see you ever again!

It was so painful. Why was it this painful? Dreams weren't supposed to be painful.

"Janus!"

His name cut through the pain, though he did not recognize the voice at first. A face appeared through the tears. Long bangs and eyes with dark shadows. "Virgil?"

"Janus, what's wrong?"

Even if he wanted to, Janus couldn't lie in this kind of state. He could only utter a few words : "A nightmare… My head…"

He suddenly felt something cool on his forehead, and almost moaned. It felt so good against the throb.

"You're burning up!" Virgil said, stupefied, pawing at his forehead like it could make his temperature go down. "How do you even have a temperature?"

Janus shrugged, pressing his head against Virgil's hand. Please, oh please let him stay there. His own hand reached out and squeezed the cold palm.

He wasn't sure how much time passed, but somehow, as he squeezed that hand next to him, his tears started to subside and he was slowly able to think more clearly. Eventually, he sat up and let go, wrapping his arms around him and trying to smile in spite of his splitting headache. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, doing his best to relax, to no avail.

"Apologies for this sorry sight… I'm better now," he said.

"Yeah right, you look like shit."

"I know, Virgil, thank you," Janus sighed. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here because I felt someone's fear levels explode like a firework and the ashes haven't settled yet."

"Ah, so you wanted to know if there was a danger," Janus understood, looking down at his hands. "You see there is nothing, everything is under control."

"As if I was going to leave you, dumbass."

Janus blinked in surprise, grateful for the dark room hopefully keeping Virgil from seeing his expression. "The light sides are rubbing off on you," he tried to tease.

"Shut up. Where's the light?"

With a snap, Janus lit up his bedside candelabra and took a quick look at Thomas's internal clock, which in his room took the appearance of an old, dark-wooded, intricate grandfather clock with a hypnotic and comforting pendulum. Apparently, it was sometime in the early hours of the morning. Just the best time to wake up from a nightmare, really, too early to feel actually rested, but too late to go back to sleep long enough to feel better.

Not that he particularly wanted to go back to sleep now that he couldn't even close his eyes without seeing the miserable, desperate face of…

I wish I never knew you…

Janus needed some water.

He carefully turned to the side of the bed where Virgil was standing, pretending his head wasn't killing him right now.

"What are you doing?"

"Obviously not taking care of myself," Janus muttered, rubbing his human eye with one hand and groping around the bedside table for a handkerchief with the other.

Virgil grabbed it before he could.

"Virgil, why-" Janus stopped in shock when Virgil started gently wiping his face. Then closed his eyes in delight when Virgil caressed his hot skin with his cold fingers. Janus didn't usually enjoy the cold, but he also didn't usually wake up in the middle of the night from a stress-induced fever nightmare.

"Here," Virgil said, holding the handkerchief in place for Janus to blow his nose, which he did by reflex. "Sorry, I'm not as good as Patton for this kind of thing."

"Why are you doing this?" Please don't stop.

"Because you need it," Virgil said.

"I can take care of myself."

"Listen- stop." Virgil grabbed his face, and it should have been uncomfortable, if his touch wasn't so grounding and cooling. "I know what you're thinking right now, so stop. I want to take care of you. Now, sit tight, I'm going to get you some painkillers."

Virgil left, and Janus immediately missed his presence. He decided not to wait. Slowly, trying not to move his head too much, he put on his slippers and robe over his pajamas, and quietly slithered out of his room, combing his fingers through his hair trying to look a little more presentable in case one of the others were awake.

The hallway was dark and empty as far as he could tell. Janus resisted the urge to turn on the light – anything was better than the images jumping at his vision in the dark, except waking up anyone, plus it might make his headache worse.

That hypothesis was verified when he finally reached the bathroom, closed the door and turned on the light – ow.

Janus rubbed his temples, stumbling to the sink, and took several sips of water.

"I told you to stay where you were."

"No, you didn't," Janus replied, trying a miserable smirk as Virgil entered the bathroom as well. He handed him a couple of pills.

They were placebos more than anything, really, but that's what you get when you and your pain are both imaginary.

He washed down the pill with another swig of water, bent over the sink, and took advantage of his position to throw a little bit of water in his face. The coolness it brought really helped soothe his headache, for a moment he even felt like he might be able to go back to sleep.

Hah. He snorted wryly. As if.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I just thought of something funny."

Every time he blinked, the same thing happened. That face, that sad, reproachful face, appeared, and he could almost hear the whispers again… You shouldn't be here…

He shook his head. You should know your place…

"Hey. Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" Virgil said, cupping his chin to make him look up. Janus closed his eyes, and Virgil's face was replaced with Thomas's, so similar. Worry replaced with contempt. He felt more tears roll down his cheek. He tried to open his eyes and look away, but he couldn't help it.

"N-nothing," he sniffled.

"Janus, come on…"

"I… I don't remember my nightmare."

"Oh," Virgil went, realizing, his expression growing softer, compassionate. "Sounds like a very bad one, huh?"

Janus almost laughed through the tears. "No, not at all. It was nothing, really, just…"

You're the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Janus bit his tongue and muffled another loud sob. He moved away from Virgil and rubbed his ears with the palms of his hands, like it could make the words go away. Virgil quickly caught up to him and wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace. For a moment, Janus didn't dare to move, then after a while, he returned the hug, sniffling into the other's hoodie.

"Shhhh, calm down, deep breaths, snakey," Virgil said, rubbing hard at the back of his neck in the best way possible.

Janus felt himself shake, and the tears come harder, but the need to sob was appeased somehow. He did his best to follow Virgil's advice, breathing in and out as slowly and deeply as he could.

"There we go, good job," Virgil praised him as he felt him calm down. He tilted his head back, just to look at him for a little while. "Now, what do we do when we're not fine?"

"… Self-care?" Janus tried.

"See, I knew you were still yourself," Virgil joked, and Janus smiled under the tears still running down his face. "You're going to have to help me though, you're the master of self-care, here. What do you need, right now?"

Automatically, Janus started mentally listing and self-checking his needs. He wasn't hungry, or thirsty anymore, he felt exhausted but there was no way he could go back to sleep right now, and he was so tense and hot from his headache, still covered in sweat… "A bath," he admitted quietly.

"Okay," Virgil smiled kindly. "Would you like me to stay with you, snakey?"

Janus bit his lip, but nodded. If Virgil was offering, he wasn't going to reject some company. Anything to not be left alone with his thoughts.

Virgil drew the bath, checking the temperature several times, as Janus undressed slowly, still sniffling. He laid his robe and pajamas over the closed toilet seat and let Virgil lead him into the bathtub, holding his hand as he sunk into the water.

He immediately let out a pleasured sigh, feeling his body temperature adjusting like all it needed was a reminder of where it should actually be. The tension left his neck and shoulders.

He only realized his eyes had closed when he opened them again to see Virgil undressing as well. "What are you doing?"

"Joining you, if that's okay? Nothing sexy, I promise"

Janus nodded and folded his legs to let Virgil take the other side of the bathtub. The anxious side shook his head and told him to move forward. Janus obeyed curiously, and smiled when Virgil climbed into the bathtub and sat behind him, his legs on either side of his thighs. He pulled him down against his chest and the two cuddled in the water.

"Do you still have a headache?" Virgil asked.

"A little."

So Virgil gently caressed his sides, kissing the back of his neck as his hands moved up his shoulders to his head, and started massaging his scalp.

It was like magic. Janus closed his eyes and hung his head, the pain receding between Virgil's fingers. He went completely limp, not thinking, not moving, just feeling the warm water licking his skin, resting in Virgil's embrace.

"Is it okay?" Virgil couldn't resist asking.

"It'sssss awessssssome."

"Are you lying?"

"No," Janus sighed.

"Okay, cool."

Virgil bit his lip, focused on his task. A few moments passed, and Janus could almost feel the questions starting to burden the anxious side. So despite the wonderful massage, he said: "Are you going to ask me about my nightmare?"

"No."

The surprise made Janus open his eyes again. "Why not? You obviously don't look like you want to."

"Yeah, well, you can tell me if you want, but you looked upset enough already when I just mentioned it. I don't want to make you panic again, so I'm not going to ask."

Janus remained frozen for a moment, then he smiled, and decided to let the nightmare go, settling deeper into the shared embrace of Virgil and the water.

He and Janus stayed in the water together for a long time, switching between massaging and cuddling, long enough for the water to get uncomfortably cool eventually.

So long, in fact, that as they stepped out of the tub, they heard a knock at the door, and Logan's unmistakable composed voice going: "Hello? Is someone there?"

"Yes!" Virgil replied, quickly grabbing towels for the both of them to get covered with.

"Virgil? This is uncharacteristically early for you, is something the matter?"

"I... Yes… I mean no? I, uh, I'm helping Janus."

"Janus?" Janus could have sworn he heard Logan frown from behind the door. "May I come in?"

"Uuuh…?" Virgil went, obviously unsure of what to do in the moment. Janus just smiled tiredly and nodded. "Sure?"

The door opened. Logan stepped inside and closed it again. "Very well. Now," he added, turning around to give them both a look where concern was trying to emerge behind the calm façade, "what seems to be the problem?"

Janus just let Virgil explain the situation to Logan, focusing on looking more alert than he actually was. He didn't like being this vulnerable, even with his fellow sides whom he had started trusting. So despite the lack of layers to cover his half-scaled body, he tried his best to smile and seem unperturbed.

Perhaps he didn't do as good a job as he would have liked, because Logan kept looking at him like he was a sick student. "It is to my understanding that you did not get much sleep. May I advise you take a nap this morning, perhaps after some breakfast?"

"I will not do that, thank you Logan," Janus said with his tired smile.

Logan nodded and left, closing the door to let the other two get dressed.

Janus felt immediately better when he was once again covered by his pajamas and dark robe, and to be frank so did Virgil once reunited with his hoodie. But neither regretted this time in the bath together.

"Alright, let's follow the doctor's orders," Virgil joked, leading Janus out and down the stairs.

Janus let him happily. His headache was now but a memory and the nightmare a dark shadow at the back of his mind that was slowly fading. He felt clean, relaxed, and warm in the right way, unlike before. And Virgil was holding his hand gently, like he was a delicate lady, which although a surprise wasn't unappreciated.

As they came down the stairs, Janus realized that everyone was up already. And that everyone looked up at them as they approached the table where two plates had already been put down for them. Roman pulled their chairs for them, and Remus tackle-hugged Janus before he had a chance to sit, which made him laugh internally, although he tried not to show anything.

"Ugh, Remus, be careful!"

Remus just stuck his tongue out at his brother and then licked Janus's cheek before letting him go. Janus pretended to be unfazed as he sat, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

Then Patton arrived, carrying a pan full of fried eggs and bacon, Logan in toe with some fruit and juice.

"Egg-cellent, you're here!" Patton said, smiling, as he dropped two eggs into Janus's plate, and then two more in Virgil's, before serving the others.

"What's all this for?" Janus almost laughed, incredulous.

"For you, of course, sleepy snake," Roman chimed in, grabbing the reddest apple in the basket. "Logan told us about your struggle last night."

"And nutrition is crucial to a proper recovery," Logan nodded.

As he finished serving everyone, Patton leaned over and placed a kiss on Janus's forehead, giggling at the dumbfounded face he made. "If you're going to react like that each time we want to take care of you, we might need to do it more often."

Janus didn't reply. He just felt happiness welling up inside of him as the others slowly started eating and talking and bickering as usual, but always keeping an eye on him, making sure he was okay. Far ago was the time when he had to pretend like he was in control all the time.

A bubble of trust suddenly popped up his throat into his mouth and he said, a little surprised at himself: "I'd like to tell you about my nightmare."

[sour--disposition]

Across The Miles

-

harry lewis x fem!reader

-

please check my masterlist to see if my requests are open

(gif from the amazing @sdmngifs​)

You stepped off the plane and were met with the dreary skies that seemed to always plague England. Simon had told you he and JJ would meet you outside of the baggage claim to help you with your bags and take you home.

As soon as you’d wrestled your cases off of the conveyer belt, you walked towards the big exit sign, looking very much like you’d just stepped off of a long haul flight. Donned in sweats and a Sidemen Clothing hoodie with a travel pillow hung around your neck, you weren’t going to be winning any fashion awards any time soon.

“Y/N!”, JJ and Simon called from the other side of the large arrivals hall. You grinned, waving manically at them as you walked over as quick as you could. You dropped you hand luggage down next to your cases and flung your arms around both of them.

“I’ve missed you guys!”, you smiled up at them once they’d released you. “I can’t thank you enough for giving me this opportunity. And letting me live with you guys? I mean... there isn’t enough words to thank you!”, you gushed.

You’d met Simon, JJ and the rest of the Sidemen at the 2017 Upload event and had stayed in touch with them ever since. You’d been planning on moving in together for quite a while, but finding a time when the three of you were free enough to facilitate moving an entire human and her belongings across the Atlantic Ocean was harder than first imagined, but the minute that the three of you had decent schedules, flights were booked, you’d handed your notice in for your apartment in New York and started packing up your things.

By the time you’d been moved into the spare room, your room, it was nearing 5pm. “We were thinking about grabbing dinner with the rest of the guys? They’ve all missed you and I know Freya and Talia are dying to see you”, Simon said from the door frame.

“Yeah, sounds good”, you smiled from where you sat on the floor, surrounded by your clothes as you tried to organise them.

“You don’t have to do it all in one go. Why don’t you grab a shower and get changed and then you can have another go at this once were back from dinner?”, Simon suggested, the exhaustion from the day beginning to become clear on your face. You nodded, putting down whatever it was you were trying and failing to fold and took yourself off for a shower.

Of course, the guys took you to Nando’s. With there only being a handful of the restaurants in America, and none in New York, you made a point of going whenever you were in the UK. “Are you excited to see Harry?”, Simon poked at you from the drivers seat, glancing back at you in the rearview mirror.

“Wait, what!?”, JJ exclaimed from the passenger seat, struggling to turn around and face you in his seat. “What’s this then?”, he pestered, reaching out to shove against your knee.

“It’s nothing”, you said pointedly, glaring at Simon.

“Oi, so Simon knows and I don’t? Bit unfair”, JJ sassed, pulling a face at you.

“Simon knows nothing”, you told JJ. “He’s getting ideas in his head that I haven’t said anything about”, you said, eyeing Simon again.

“So, was I just supposed to ignore one of my best friends’ names popping up, literally non-stop, on one of my other best friend’s phone?”, Simon quipped, raising an eyebrow. “I’m just saying what I see, is all”, he shrugged.

“Okay, sue me, I’ve stayed in touch with Harry. Have you guys forgotten that I’ve literally just moved into the same city as all of you and your friends?”, you snipped.

Simon grumbled in defeat, all whilst JJ’s eyes followed the back and forth between the two of you. He sat there with a massive grin on his face, and you just knew that he wasn’t going to leave this alone over dinner.

When you walked into the restaurant, you were greeted by a round of hugs from all the guys, being given the eye by Simon and JJ when you looped your arms around Harry’s frame. You were hugged by Talia and Freya as well, when the guys finally let you go.

“It’s so good to finally see you again in person”, Freya beamed. “Discord and twitch just don’t do it after being friends for this long”, she pouted, eliciting a laugh from both you and Talia.

The group sat down at the table, smaller groups of people all chattering amongst themselves. “How was your flight?”, Harry asked from the opposite side of the table.

“It wasn’t too bad, I’m kinda used to it now, I guess? I mean, 8 hours is 8 hours so it was pretty dull, but I managed to get a few movies in”, you smiled.

“Oh yeah?”, he asked. “What did you watch? Am I gonna be disappointed?”, he asked you with a laugh.

“Of course you’ll be disappointed, you don’t like watching films”, you laughed happily. “I finally started chipping away at my Disney plus watchlist, so I watched Up and both of the Incredibles films”, you told him.

You kept chatting with Harry, along with Ethan, who was next to Harry, and Vik, who was next to you, until your food came. Once people had plates in front of them, chatter died down significantly, only the occasional comment here and there made itself known.

-

“He likes you too, you know”, Simon commented as he drove the three of you home. You’d been bundled into the backseat, wrapped up in JJ’s jacket as you were practically falling asleep on Vik’s shoulder.

“No, he doesn’t, Simon”, you denied sleepily, eyes drifting closed as you rested your head against the cold glass of the window.

“And how do you know that? He doesn’t even know that you like him, so how could he have turned you down?”, Simon asked.

“Because he’s Harry. I’m just some small timer from New York that you guys seemed to adopt after Upload”, you told him. “Look. I’ll get over it, I just need you to stop bringing it up so that I can actually forget about it and ignore the mushy feelings”.

As soon as Simon pulled the car to a stop, you climbed out and started making your way to the lift. You leaned heavily against the wall of the lift as it hurtled the three of you up to your floor. “Thanks for the coat, Jide”, you smiled tiredly, hanging the jacket up on a hook by the door. “I love you and all that, but I’m off to bed. My eyes are melting”, you groaned, waving your hand roughly in the direction of your room. Simon and JJ only laughed at you, wishing you a good night as you trudged down the hallway.

What you’d quite easily admitted in your half awake state wasn’t mentioned again, much to your relief. You got on with filming you ‘I’ve moved house!?’ videos and ‘Guess who I live with?’ clickbait titles. You started streaming more with the the girls, since you were finally in their timezone, and even dropped into the occasional Among Us stream with whoever was playing that night.

You settled into life in London well. You were surrounded by your friends and you doing what you loved with the people you loved. You’d felt more at home in the short months you’d lived in London than you ever had in New York. There was only one problem, though...

The Harry situation hadn’t resolved itself.

Which is why, when Simon came and asked you if you’d be in a video where he sets you up on a blind date, you couldn’t see a reason to turn it down. Worst case scenario, the date went horribly and Simon got a funny video of it. It wasn’t like you’d ever had to see the guy again.

You sat in front of the camera with Simon. “So, before I can send you on this blind date, I need to know what to look for”, he said.

“Erm - someone who’s funny, easy to get along with, can take a joke. Someone who won’t be intimidated or annoyed about me having quite a few male friends, someone who’s supportive of my career...”, you listed, trailing off when you realised who that described to a tee.

“And what do I need to avoid?”, Simon asked. If he had noticed any similarities of your description to Harry, he chose to keep his mouth shut about it.

“Someone thats going to be ashamed of me and my career or is going to want me to take my attention away from Youtube and Twitch. It’s one of the most important things in my life and I love what I do for a living and I’m so lucky that I get to do this for a living, so avoid someone that’s going to try and come between me and that, I guess”, you told Simon.

You knew that you weren’t going to find the love of your life doing this. It was more than likely going to be another single youtuber that Simon had roped into his video with the promise of a great video title and some decent content. But it would be nice to get dressed up nice and have an evening away from editing software or your stream deck.

Simon had told you where to go and when, he’d also told you to dress “all nice like”. He’d set the date up at a cocktail bar that you’d been wanting to visit since you’d moved to London. You only agreed to it once you confirmed that the expenses would be on him because top shelf liquor was on the bottom shelf in this place.

You picked out a dark green satin dress and paired it with some strappy silver heels. You took advantage of the opportunity and filmed yourself getting ready so that if things didn’t go too horrifically, you could post a ‘get ready for my blind date with me’.

Sitting down and chatting to the camera as you got ready took longer than you’d expected. You were rushing around, stressing about your Uber not being there quick enough to get you to the bar in time.

“I’ll drop you off”, JJ offered, already heading over to pick his keys up. “And that way, if he’s a weirdo, you don’t have to worry about waiting for another car to come get you”.

You climbed into the Porsche, thanking JJ for what might have been the fiftieth time since leaving the apartment. “You can stop saying thank you, Y/N. I offered”, he chuckled as he drove out of the parking garage. “You look lovely tonight, whoever Simon’s got you set up with is lucky”, he told you, sending you a genuine smile.

“Thank you, Jide”, you smiled. The rest of the car journey was shrouded in a comfortable silence, disrupted only by the radio. “I think it’s just around this corner”, you said, pointing out of the front window.

JJ pulled up by the bar and came around to help you out of the car, causing you to laugh. “You don’t have to escort me in, J”, you told him lightly. “Why are you acting like an over-protective dad?”, you whispered to him in a giggle.

“Just trust me”, he told you, rolling his eyes softly.

You kept your arm looped through JJ’s as he walked you down the pavement. As you neared the entrance to the bar, you saw a figure standing outside, looking around nervously. That must be him.

“Harry?”, you asked. You turned to JJ, “I think there’s been a mistake. I’m supposed to be on a blind date”.

“Surprise, I think”, Harry said awkwardly, scratching his arm.

“Look after her, Harry”, JJ told him sternly. JJ dropped a kiss to the side of your forehead. “Call me or Simon if either of you need anything, yeah?”, he said before he turned and walked back to his car, leaving you and Harry alone.

“I promise I’ll say something, I think I’m just still trying to process what’s going on”, you laughed awkwardly, fiddling with the strap of your clutch in your hands.

“I can maybe clear things up over a drink? Simon’s paying”, Harry said lightly, reaching his hand out to you. You smiled and nodded, letting him take your hand in his and guide you into the bar.

Once you’d got your drinks, Harry lead you to the terrace garden out the back. It was decorated with flowers and muted fairy lights, making for quite the romantic atmosphere. Harry pulled the tall chair out for you and held his hand out to help you up before walking to the other side of the table and sitting opposite you.

“I - uh. Basically, I asked Simon’s advice on how to ask you out and he said that whenever he brought me up around you, you shut him down. So he came up with this idea. I totally get it if you want JJ to come back and pick you up after this drink, I just couldn’t not try... at least once”, Harry said, sounding dejected as he finished.

You put your hand over Harry’s that rested on the table. “I won’t be calling JJ, Harry. I’m over the moon to be here”, you told him with a smile. “I only kept shutting Simon down because he’s been trying to interfere since the day I landed in London. I was convinced that you wouldn’t like me so I just tried to... I don’t know... get over it, I guess”, you told him. You could feel the blush creeping up your cheeks as you spoke, hoping it wasn’t too obvious.

“Why wouldn’t I?”, Harry asked quietly, rubbing his fingers over the back of your hand absentmindedly as he did.

“Are you kidding? You’re part of one of the biggest youtube groups, have a successful youtube channel, you’ve been someone for so long. And I’m just... what? A newbie who got adopted by the big boys in London. I never thought you could”, you said, voice dropping to a whisper.

“Y/N, you’re amazing”, Harry boasted. “You’re an amazing streamer and your youtube content is quality. Okay so I’ve been uploading longer? And? It doesn’t mean anything, Y/N. And believe it or not, I like the you I see off camera, you know”, Harry said shyly.

“I guess I owe Simon an apology then”, you smiled at Harry, who took your hand in his.

[beigehearts]

The Price of Self Respect

this is part one of a series of yandere chrollo x fem!reader. this story will contain explicit content. Warnings at the beginning of the chapter. Please send me requests if you wish to for hxh characters and scenarios! ❤

PART I Read part two here!  CW: mentions of death, murder, and gore 1,730 words

____________________________________________

It had been many days since you had received an assignment as a hunter. At this point you would have taken a request to open a pickle jar. You had an agent who sourced your jobs through to you that way no one could know your identity. Your agent barely knows your identity outside of your phone number. While you are no where near as infamous as the Zoldyck Family- you definitely are not unknown. “The Creator” is what most people would refer to you as- quite fitting for your ability. Specialists are not as scarce as people make them out to be; a specialist who utilizes their ability as best as they can is scarce. You conjure a pencil, and you can draw anything into existence. Your nen concentrates in your hand and you can create life (or at least a husk of life). Drawing animals or weapons, even humans (who aren’t quite sentient) earned you your high respect as a hunter.

You gaze out of the window at the quiet streets of a city you’ve never travelled to. While the hotel is large and towers over the town, it is probably the biggest building for miles. Bzzzz. You turn towards your bed and see your phone screen is lit up. Picking up the phone you see a single message from the only saved number on your phone.  York New. 14:00. 1278 Pearl Street. G Watanabe- Room 207.  You scroll down to see the status of the person. Alive. Wanted Dead. 7 Days. Employer ---

A smile graced your lips knowing that you finally have a job. While town hopping and sight seeing for the past few weeks was a nice rst, you can’t just halt your income. You enjoy your job anyway so the money is a bonus. Ill pack in the morning you think to yourself, once you land in York New you may have some extra time to research your target. 

The plane ride was smooth and quite comforting- you paid for first class. While you could use your hunter card to be priority seating, it leaves a trace of where you’ve been. Plus, you’ll be getting paid soon enough and the 12 hour plane ride in first class would be nothing compared to the fat check that would be wired to your account. Murder is expensive you know. 

Stepping out of the taxi, the driver gets out and opens the trunk for you. You grab your one small backpack filled with nothing but snacks- drawn snacks are not particularly tasty. Just because you can create it doesn’t mean it’s true to the real deal. You jog towards the doors, fat rain drops assaulting you meanwhile. You get your room key under for the room you reserved under an alias and make your way to the elevator. You press the button to go up and when the elevator reaches your floor it sounds a satisfying ‘ding’ and the doors open almost soundlessly. You stepped into the confined space and to your surprise a man steps in with you. You hadn’t even sensed him nearby, it seemed as if he just popped into reality. 

He’s tall, is the first thing you think when you look at him. Not necessarily tall as in feet wise (though he definitely had quite a few inches on you) but his aura and the way he carried himself made it seem as if he towered you. The corner of his lips turn upwards and suddenly he doesn’t seem so intimidating. It’s as if he was dragged back down to earth. 

“Good morning, awful weather it seems.” The man says with a chuckle. You take a moment to drink in all of him. His black hair is somewhat messy, a middle part with water dripping down a few strands. A bandage is wrapped around his forehead and you wonder if it’s an injury or a fashion statement. A large fur coat cover most of his body, you’re only able to capture a glimpse of a white button up shirt at his neck. 

“Terrible. My flight almost had an emergency landing.” You groan, recalling your annoyance when the captain announced this over the speakers.

“Ah so you just got in today? I got into York New about a week ago. What are you here for?” 

Your eyes travel to his and you notice that they’re unusually large while seeming to only make him more attractive. “I’m on a work trip, though I shouldn’t be here long.”  His lips stretch a little further into something of a grin, “What a coincidence, I’m here on business as well.” 

The elevator dings and you give a quick goodbye, not necessarily because you didn’t like talking to him but because you wanted to take a nice warm shower. You sashay out of the elevator, and the back of your neck tingles, you can tell that his eyes are boring into your back.

You drop your bag onto your bed and wander over to the mirror. Looking at you in the mirror is yourself. Though you never seem to recognize this person as you. You pose in different angles but can’t find one that makes you like yourself. You grab the chub of your stomach and groan hopelessly. A world renown hunter who has killed the unkillable is staring at herself in the mirror and grimacing. You remind yourself that you’re one of the strongest specialists out there and you shouldn’t be critiquing yourself. 

A day passed and your deadline is growing nearer. You draw your outfit for the day, and put on the jeans, hoodie, and heels that were super comfortable thanks to your nen. An assassin has to look good as well as kill. Your rented car waits for you in the hotel garage and when you finally make your way down there, you do a onceover of the car. There are no signs of foul play, tracking, or marking so you hop into the drivers seat comfortably. Once the car is started your phone buzzes. 

+ $2000 to your account message attached: get his pass for the auction and send it to client

You nod to yourself, you had completely forgotten about the auction. Of course you were supposed to kill a member of the mafia during the auction. How could you not have made that connection. While you are intelligent, you wouldn’t say you’re smart. Once you arrive at the hotel your target is staying at, you book a room despite the fact you will not be using it for long. In the hotel room you draw a dress that makes you look like a model, all you need is to look good and your nen for this mission, this goes for most missions.

Each minute on the clock seems to last hours, you need to leave at 01:30, in order to complete your mission at 2. This is the part you hate the most, laying on the hotel bed listening to the clock tick and tick and tick. It feels almost like the clock is mocking you, and sometimes you want to just break it. Though despite this you lay on the bed staring at the ceiling, counting down every minute until the clock strikes 1:30. 

The last mocking tick sound rings and you get up quickly. Walking confidently out of the room and down the large and foolishly elegant hall. You make your way to the elevators where you had a run in with that man and go down to the second floor seeing as you were residing on the fourteenth. The second floor was reserved for the mafia only, many families used this hotel to be near the auction. 

The elevator opens up and you examine the hall. It is much different than the one where your room is. Lights are dimmer and the color pallet of the hall was that of red and black where as yours was blue and white. You step out onto the marble floors and your heels click against the cold surface. Something’s not right. Something is very wrong, very out of place. You can smell it. The smell of blood. 

207 is closer to the end of the hallway than it is to the elevators. The lights are completely off at the end of the hallway as well. With each step towards the room of your target the lights get dimmer until there is no light. You halt and look at the room with gold numbers on it stating ‘207′. The door is cracked and you approach it cautiously. You push the door open and see your target laying on the ground in hundreds of pieces, it’s a bloody mess.

A man stands in front of the window that is the entire wall, his form dark. Now the only sound present is that of the rain pounding against the glass of the window. He turns towards you, and you quickly recognize the large fur jacket. It’s the man from the elevator, his coat is open and he’s shirtless, but covered in blood. His forehead is uncovered by the bandage that was on him previously, revealing a purple cross. His demeanor is still friendly and inviting but something is different about his eyes. 

He smiles and for some reason you feel drawn to him, so you take a step forward. “I’ve been waiting y/n.” 

You swallow any sense of fear you have and nod, “Oh you have?” 

“Of course, I thought I would make your job easier for you.” He chuckles just like he did in the elevator, as if he didn’t just commit an atrocity. But who are you to judge? “Don’t worry, I’ll still be paying you every jenny of what was promised.” 

Your head cocks to the side “So you’re my client?” He nods in response. 

“And I got his pass to the auction so I would say you did a pretty good job of completing your mission.” He waves the pass at you as proof. 

“Can I have the pleasure of knowing your name since you know mine?” You question.

He nods again, “Chrollo is my name. You were commissioned by the spiders.” 

The spiders... It quickly clicks in your head. The phantom troupe. Which means, in front of you stands the leader of the Phantom Troupe.

“It’s nice to meet you Chrollo.” 

[t0wnspersonb]

Just wanted to let you know your writing is AMAZING. dunno if you take requests or not but if you do I'd love one of protective kuroo, kind of like the akaashi fic you did! I know you just did a kuroo one (which was also amazing, I loved it) but I'm a kuroo girl so i can't get enough haha

Thank you so much for the kind words! I am taking requests on top of the other stuff I’m writing:) everyone is low key a Kuroo girl and if someone disagrees with that they can fight me lmao just kidding! But here you go! I hope you enjoy the story:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hummed softly to yourself as you watched your legs swing back and forth, the bench you were sitting on kept your feet off the ground.

 You looked around and sighed softly, Kuroo was running late. 

 It had been a long time since you guys had gone on a date, he was busy preparing for the Spring Tournament, and you were busy with your extra college prep courses.

 So when he had suggested going to the amusement park that recently opened up, you definitely couldn’t refuse. 

 You were waiting in front of the entrance for Kuroo to arrive, considering he was the one who had bought the tickets.

 “Y/n!” you heard the familiar voice of your boyfriend call out. You looked up to see him waving an arm in the air, smiling at you. Behind him you saw Kenma grumbling to himself as he stuffed his hands further into the hoodie he was wearing.

 Your lips twitched in amusement. That was probably why he was late.

 “Hi Kenma!” you said brightly once they reached you, wrapping the second year in a tight hug.

 “Hi Y/n.” he mumbled quietly, softly returning the hug. 

 “Oi! Why does Kenma get a hug before your boyfriend?” Kuroo grumbled, an annoyed expression taking over his features.

 “Because Kenma wasn’t the one who was late.” you retorted, sticking out your tongue. 

 He huffed angrily and reached a hand out to grab you away from the setter, only for you to slap his hand away, continuing to cling to the pudding haired male.

 “Damn you Kenma!” 

 “Be quiet Kuroo.” Kenma sighed. “I didn’t even want to go. You dragged me out of the house.”

 “That’s because if I didn’t you’d be stuck inside all day playing video games. It’s good to have fun once in a while.” Kuroo stated simply, finally pulling you away from his teammate and into his arms.

 “Playing video games is fun Kuroo.” Kenma shot back, taking out his phone. “Besides, isn’t this supposed to be a date? Why would you have me tag along? You and Y/n haven’t spent much time together recently.” he glanced up looking between the two of you.

 You had forgotten about your annoyance towards Kuroo for being late now that you were wrapped up in his arms. Right now you were incredibly content as you leaned against his tall form.

 “It’ll be fun Kenma! I haven’t seen you much either. Let’s go enjoy the park together!” You said happily.

 You had known the two boys since you were in middle school, and quite frankly once you had started dating Kuroo you kind of expected Kenma to be there half the time. They were a package deal, and you honestly didn’t mind, sometimes preferring the quiet second year’s presence more than your boyfriend’s.

 Kenma sighed in defeat and trailed after you guys as you made the way to the counter to hand in your tickets.

 Once you guys were actually inside the park Kenma seemed to have perked up just a bit.

 You talked animatedly towards Kuroo about what you wanted to do for the day. Your hands intertwined together as you spoke.

 You hadn’t noticed the soft gaze that came over the tall third year. Kuroo couldn’t help but to stare at you. It had definitely been too long since the last time you guys got to be together. He missed you terribly. He missed the ridiculous facial expressions that came over your face when you were talking, he missed the way you pouted whenever he teased you, he missed the way you would play with your long hair whenever you were nervous. 

 Fuck, he just missed you entirely. He felt guilty about how busy he was with the volleyball club, feeling like he was being a terrible boyfriend for neglecting you for so long.

 But you understood completely, you knew how important volleyball was to him and you just wanted to be able to give him unconditional love and support. 

 Plus, those extra courses were brutal. While you loved spending time with Kuroo, you also knew how incredibly distracting he was during homework. So you were grateful for the time apart to get everything done.

 “Do you guys want food?” Kuroo asked, staring at the food stalls. You guys had finished riding the thrill rides, and playing most of the game stalls at the park. 

 You were having a wonderful time, and there were those rare moments where you saw Kenma smiling to himself, he had the most fun playing the stall games, and he was actually pretty good at it. He had won the majority of the prices that were now in your grasp. Much to Kuroo’s distaste. 

 But Kuroo had won you a black cat plushy. Despite the frustration he felt at only being able to win you the small stuffed animal, the look on your face was worth it. 

 He had never seen anything more beautiful; the way your eyes lit up and the wide smile that stretched across your face. It was definitely worth it. Especially when you declared that the cat’s name was going to be Tetsu. 

 While Kuroo went off to go get food, you and Kenma found a place to sit. “You’re really good at those shooting games Kenma.” You stated, sitting across from the quiet male.

 He looked up at you from his phone and smiled slightly. “It’s not that hard, it’s just like some of the video games I play.”

 “I suck at video games.” you sighed, frowning slightly. “Tetsuro always makes fun of me because of it.”

 “I know.”

 “Don’t be mean.” you pouted. Kenma laughed slightly at your expression before closing his phone and standing up. 

“I’m going to the restroom real quick, are you going to be okay by yourself?” Kenma asked.

 You waved him off as you settled down into your seat. You would be fine, this was an amusement park afterall. Nothing bad ever happened at these kinds of places right?

 You were wrong.

 You were definitely wrong about that statement. 

 It had only been a couple of minutes of being alone before an arm draped over your shoulders. 

 You stiffened and looked to see a guy around your age sitting next to you. His friend sitting  across from you.

 “What’s a cute girl like you sitting all alone for? Did your boyfriend leave you?” he teased. 

 You frowned, shifting your body away from the male. “No. He went to go get us food.” 

 “Where? I don’t see him.” his friend said looking around halfheartedly. “Why don’t you come hang out with us?”

 You glanced around to see that people weren’t paying attention to the uncomfortable situation you were in. 

 And Kuroo and Kenma were still gone…

 “No thanks. I suggest you leave before my boyfriend gets here.” you said dryly, crossing your arms over your chest. A hard expression covering your face.

 “Oh come on, don’t be like that.” the one that was sitting next to you cooed, shifting closer to you and grabbing your chin. “We can show you a real good time…”

 You flinched away from his touch, fear and annoyance overtaking your body. 

 While you didn’t tolerate being talked to this way, it was still incredibly scary considering that you were outmatched right now.

You ignored the feeling of dread sinking deep within your stomach and was about to start telling off the two males when a tray full of food was slammed down in front of you, causing you to jump in fright.

 “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to my girlfriend?” 

 You had never seen Kuroo so pissed before. His cat-like eyes were piercing as they glared down at the unwelcomed males. His expression was dark and angry. 

 It was a frightening image to behold.

 Behind the angry and towering male was Kenma. His eyes watching the two males with a calculating expression before flickering over to you, walking from around Kuroo he stood next to you, carefully pressing his hand against your elbow and tugging you gently away from the table. 

 Kuroo’s eyes briefly moved to yours checking to make sure you were okay and not hurt before moving back to the males that were beginning to look frightened.

 Kuroo’s confrontation finally brought other eyes to your area, the people around you looking on which made the harassers even more nervous.

 “Do you two losers usually go around touching girls that don’t want to be touched?” Kuroo asked coldly, this caused an eruption of whispers to take place around you guys, older adults getting ready to step into the situation.

 “How about I show you guys a good time…” he said darkly, cracking the knuckles of his right hand.

 You have never seen boys run away as fast as they just did. 

 You released the breath you had apparently been holding during that encounter. You watched Kuroo’s expression go from dark and cold to loving and worried as he turned his attention to you.

 “You okay doll?” he asked gently cupping your face. 

 You nodded softly. “Y-Yeah. Let’s eat. I don’t want this to ruin our day.” you smiled slightly.

Kuroo stared at you for a moment before nodding slowly. He shared a pointed look with Kenma but didn’t press the matter further.

 You were definitely not okay.

 **********

 All too soon the day had ended. You and Kuroo found yourselves outside of your house.

 “Do you want to come in? My parents won’t be home until later tonight.” you said quietly.

 “Oya? Are you trying to seduce me Y/n-chan?” Kuroo smirked leaning down towards you.

 You flushed brightly, slapping his chest. “Shut up Tetsuro. Do you want to come in or not?”

 He laughed loudly at your embarrassed face. “Fine. Fine.”

 You rolled your eyes as you guys stepped into your house. It wasn’t the first time Kuroo had been to your home, he immediately made himself comfortable as he went upstairs to your bedroom.

 “I feel gross. Will you be fine out here if I go shower?” you asked, setting down the prizes you had gotten at the park.

 Kuroo dismissed you as he picked up one of your comics you had laying around, making himself comfortable on top of your bed. You rolled your eyes as you left to the bathroom after grabbing a change of clothes.

 Kuroo felt his phone buzz in his pocket. 

 Don’t leave Y/n alone tonight. She definitely wasn’t okay after what had happened. Kenma texted.

 Kuroo frowned and glanced towards the closed bedroom door, he knew that you weren’t okay. If he was being honest, the rest of the day he was waiting for you to break down crying.

 Kuroo knew that you were a strong person, that was one of the many things he loved about you. But a situation like that, would leave anyone frightened. He noticed that too, the way you would jump slightly at his sudden touch, and the way that you would glance around worriedly.

 Of course he wasn’t going to leave you alone tonight. Before that had happened he had planned on coming over anyway, he wanted to spend as much time with you as possible, and considering that tomorrow was the weekend, he thought it was the perfect time. 

 Kuroo didn’t notice you walk in until you plopped yourself on the bed, drying your damp hair.

 He smirked slightly as he took in your clothes, your soft legs were exposed due to the shorts you opted to wear to bed, and his familiar volleyball shirt hung down your body.

 “Did you steal that?” he teased, setting down the comic book. “I was wondering where that shirt went.”

 “Nooo…” you said, averting your eyes. “You left it here.”

 “Lying doesn’t suit your sweet face doll,” Kuroo drawled out, sitting up from the many pillows on your bed and clasping warm fingers around your wrist. “Who knew that my girlfriend was a thief.” he smirked and yanked you into his lap.

 You fell into him with a loud ‘oomph,’ your face squishing against his hard chest, and then you melted against him.

 Sighing softly to yourself, you shifted against him comfortably, straddling his hips as you wrapped your arms around his muscular shoulders, your head laying against his chest.

 Kuroo’s hands rested on your upper thighs carefully, thumbs rubbing gentle circles into the skin.

 You both were quiet for a moment, just appreciating the comfort and warmth of being in each other’s arms.

 “You know, you don’t have to act tough around me right?” he said suddenly. “I know what happened earlier freaked you out.”

You stiffened and relaxed against his chest. Kuroo just knew you too well.

 “Yeah.” you said quietly. “I just didn’t want you to worry… and I didn’t want to ruin the day…”

 You remembered the way that guy had touched you so casually, and despite the shower you had taken, and the way you had all but scrubbed your skin raw, you still felt gross.

 Kuroo sighed, pushing you back slightly so he could stare at your face. “I already know that you’re a crybaby. Kenma does too. You’re forgetting that we’ve known each other since we were kids.” he said bluntly.

 You huffed angrily at his statement and whacked his chest with your palm, causing a wide smirk to appear on his face. “I’m not a crybaby!”

 “If you’re not feeling okay, it’s okay to tell us,” he finished, ignoring you completely. “It’s okay to tell me, because I’m always going to take care of you. Yeah?”

 The sincerity in his voice and the gentle expression on his handsome face caused you to blush. Your eyes moved away from his and settled on staring at his chin as you tried to get your racing heart under control.

 Your fingers played with his hair at the nape of his neck. The way you felt about Kuroo was indescribable, the admiration and adoration you had for the third year volleyball captain was too much. It felt like your heart was about to explode from how much you just loved him.

 “Thank you Tetsuro.” You said finally meeting his gaze. “I love you a lot.” you confessed.

 He smiled gently at you, pressing a warm kiss to your forehead. “I love you too.”

 It was quiet for a moment as you rested your head against his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent.

 “If you want to thank me properly, you should take off your shirt. Well actually it’s my shirt.”

 ....

 “Shut up Tetsuro or I’ll tell Kenma."

[chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky]

“I never thought I’d see a Crusader Priest in a hoodie.”

Nile says it innocently, not thinking anything of it. If anything, she was trying to lighten the tension in the car, the five of them stuck in the back of a van, their hands tied. It annoyed her how easy it was to restrain them once someone got the jump on them. She would assume that immortals would be imbued with super strength, but she feels as mortal as she ever did. Booker was right, as usual. Just because they can’t die, doesn’t mean they can’t hurt.

Except as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she feels like she wants to take them back. Nicky sits across from her, tied to the side of the car as far away from Joe as the captors could get them. It didn’t take a genius to figure out the two of them together were far more dangerous than separate. She’s watched the move together like water, all encompassing and forever together. He stills, his hands in front of his chest, head bowed. In prayer, she doesn’t think so, but if she didn’t know he was over a thousand years old, she would figure he was.

Glancing in the van, she looks for someone to explain what she could’ve said that was so wrong. Nile can’t help it, her eyes go to Joe, who hasn’t looked away from him.

It’s like staring at the sun, watching Joe gaze at Nicky. Blinding, beautiful, painful, and intense. It feels all encompassing and private, as though the moment becomes a physical presence around her. “It is a reminder.” Nicky says softly from his corner of the van. “I think it is important to remember your mistakes.”

“You know how I feel about—” Joe starts.

“Yes, you have mentioned before.” Nicky looks up, his icy eyes attempting something light, but even Nile can tell it’s nothing more than a blanket covering something dark.

“I think I can say the speech by heart.” Booker offers offhandedly, Joe glaring in response. “I’m just saying you two aren’t as private as some people would encourage.”

“You would think that after two hundred years, you’d be used to it by now.” Andy says, her voice only mildly irritated in that way that Nile has come to learn as annoyance with having to get out of chains. She wonders absently if she’ll ever get simply annoyed with capture. Where the fear filters out and it’s merely inconvenient.

“No, I still think we need to start investing in safe houses with insulation and separate rooms.”

“You know that everyone would sleep in the same room regardless.” Andy snorts, getting even a laughless breath out of Nicky. Andy relaxes at that, Nile slightly jealous at how she can read them. The woman is also focused on Nicky, whose hands are wringing together ever-so-slightly. Joe watches the movement.

Finally, Nicky looks up to Nile, his eyes warm. “There are certain things that stay with you, no matter how much you want to forget. You would think over time, they would melt away, like the rain on a window. But… others do not.”

Nile can feel Joe’s frustration to being tied up from across the van, his legs stretched out and nowhere near Nicky. He makes a huff, which Nicky merely snorts at. The two look at each other and she’s certain there’s a conversation happening she’ll never be privy. That is, until Nicky speaks.

“It was the first time I decided it was not God’s will to do what we were sent to do.”

***

The battlefield is ripe with the stench of death. Nicolo swallows, looking at the lives around him. His shirt is stained with blood of the lives he’s taken, and with a bit of his own. He’s understood that God has given him a gift to reanimate – despite his terrifying first few deaths, Nicolo understood his purpose. He wasn’t meant to die, until his finished God’s vision of the world.

There’s a shout from behind him and Nicolo flinches, reacting in a violent swing that would make the most vicious of warriors flinch. Before he can even register what is happening, a figure falls at his feet, eyes wide and noises coming from his mouth that Nicolo knew would haunt him for the rest of his days.

Nicolo startles.

He’s seen this man before.

Except there’s no way that could be possible.

This man has died in his hands. From his hands. Even though Nicolo didn’t like to admit it, he also had been on the receiving end of the man’s sword.

Except, this time is different.

Nicolo drops his broadsword and places a hand on his cheek as the figure collapses. He has the sort of curls that easily twine around his fingers, and eyes that seem to carry Universes. Universes that makes Nicolo think of the lessons that God has tried to teach him, but he could never find the answer. The man before him, blood staining his teeth and dripping from the corner of his mouth. The man he’s seen many times.

Nicolo utters a quicker prayer, dropping to his knees. This is not like what they have taught him. The man before him is the sun and is light and Nicolo draws closer. “I am sorry.” He finds himself saying in a shaky voice, even though he knows the man won’t understand.

Except.

Something incredible happens. The pulsing of his heartbeat grows stronger under Nicolo’s touch, the faint rhythm making his breath hitch. He looks down at the man’s shirt, still stained with blood, but no longer spreading. Nicolo jerks his hand away, shocked. He knows he shouldn’t be – he’s seen his body heal in the mirrors he found in camp, but… this was supposed to be God’s will.

He was taught to hate the man before him, and yet, here he heals.

“Praise God,” Nicolo mutters because he doesn’t know what else to say.

The man grips Nicolo’s hand, the blood stain in it smearing against he own. He slowly catches his breath and mutters under his breath, a language that Nicolo knows not, but sounds like poetry and music. He wonders if the man ever gets tired of speaking because he isn’t sure he’d ever tire of hearing his voice.

“Nicolo, what are you doing?”

He startles at his name, Nicolo standing up to see a few other priests standing before him. Like carbon prints of each other, thoughts and opinions copied until he isn’t sure if they kept their humanity any longer.

For the first time, he sees.

He sees like he hasn’t before.

In that moment, Nicolo reaches truth.

He swung his sword in a violent motion, thinking anything different as a threat. Except, the man desperately trying to get to his feet behind him, was not threatening. He held on Nicolo’s hand as if he was trying to teach him something. Something he knew Nicolo needed to learn.

Instead, Nicolo killed him.

He was not a human, not a priest, he was a feral animal unleashed unto the world under the guise of destiny. Perhaps…

Perhaps destiny had answers humans couldn’t understand.

“What are you waiting for?” They ask.

The world is quiet to him. Even though he hears the screaming around him, the fight and the lives lost, Nicolo hears nothing but the wind. He listens for God, for destiny, for whoever to tell him that he was wrong.

The man behind him says something, the words washing over him. He may not understand the words, but he understands the feeling.

Destiny.

“I was waiting for a sign from God.” Nicolo finds himself says. He takes his sword in front of him, spreading his legs in the attack stance he was taught too many years ago. “And this is not what God wants.”

The confusion on their faces is only for a second. They twist in something inhuman, in something that he was taught to fear. But, Nicolo was not afraid.

Before they can reach him, Nicolo lets out a gasp. Looking down at his chest, he sees a curved sword impaled through his chest. “My god,” Nicolo mutters.

“They will torture you.” The man whispers in his ear in a broken Italian. Desperate. “They will call you… demon. You can’t let them. We need… time.”

Nicolo feels his breath on his neck, a shiver running down his spine. “I will find you.” He mutters, his words catching as he sees black spots curling around his eyes. “I-I—”

“I am counting on it.” The man says. “And I you… Nicolo.”

Nicolo lets out a choke of a laugh. “Not fair, you know me.”

The man takes the blade out of his chest in a quick movement. Nicolo falls to his knees as he does so. He has fallen to his knees so many times. Except, this time, he feels free. Even as he can feel his body fight against the wound, the skin stitching back together like the chainmail wrapped around his head, he’s never felt more alive.

The man stands over him, a bright smile on his face, his own wounds nothing more than a ripped shirt. He blocks the sun, but then again, maybe he is the sun. “Yusuf.” He states, placing his hand over his chest. “Until we find each other.”

“Until…” Nicky chokes on the blood pooling in his mouth. “Until we find…”

He can’t say anything further. Instead, he’s lost in the sun and the world and the Universe. There’s nothing in the world that’s made him feel like this. He staring at a man he was taught to hate and he feels… infinite. He feels as if he’s watching the sun rise after a cold night, the frost on the leaves dripping onto the ground. He feels like he’s heard a psalm for the first time, understand God in a way he’s never thought.

His mind goes blank.

The chainmail falls off his head, his body covered in metal. The chains were off. Nicolo was free.

***

“I spent my life in metal.” Nicky says. “I need to remember what I learned.”

“Plus, watching a man walk around in chainmail isn’t exactly discreet.” Booker offers. “But I’m in full agreement that you should do that.”

“Fuck off, Booker.” Andy snorts under her breath, but she’s still searching between Joe and Nicky.

“But, why?” Nile asks, unable to stop herself. “Why would you want to remember all of that?”

Nicky sucks in a breath, his eyes meeting Joe’s. It’s soft and powerful and unyielding. He doesn’t even tear away to answer Nile, his attention forever Joe’s. “To remember that you can try to do what you think is right, but you can be wrong. That mistakes you make can be transformed into something beautiful. By… someone beautiful.”

The moment is fraught, tense, and intimate.

“My god, I need alcohol if you two are going to be like that.”

Joe and Nicky snap out of whatever gaze they’ve lost each other in, both laughing at themselves. “Book’s right,” Andy says, relaxing ever-so-slightly when Nicky smiles, the haunt behind his eyes fading slightly. “Let’s use that energy to figure out how get out.”

“Oh, you haven’t?” Joe asked, bringing his hands up. Nile’s startled to see that there’s no zip ties on them, his wrists not even pink with the pressure anymore. “I just couldn’t wait.”

He crosses the back of the car with a couple strides, placing his hand on the back of Nicky’s neck and pulling him close. The car rattles and bumps, Nile staring that the two, very aware of the handcuffs on her wrist.

“Yeah,” Booker sighs, rolling his eyes at her. “That’s the most pressing thing at the moment.”

There’s no heat in it and she finds herself joining him in her fond exasperation.

It lasts another ten seconds before Andy seems fed up with the whole scenario and kicks the two of them. Another thirty until they’re all free.

A final sixty for the five of them to job out of the car, the bindings nothing more than a memory.

And the memories fade, as insignificant memories do.

Nile hangs back with Booker and Andy, Joe and Nicky in a world the three will never be invited. As the moon shimmers against their shoulders, she thinks she may be alright with that.