Angsty Ghostsoap Idea of the day: I (should've never) left
Cw: angst; injury
Know the common ghostsoap trope of one of them going against direct orders to save each other?
Now consider this...
Ghost and Soap were a package deal - the one never without the other. Always in hushed conversations with inside jokes and duo missions. They shared food, clothes, beds, and secrets. Gentle, protective, devoted, deeply in love.
Then a mission went south and changed them forever.
Ghost secured the drive with data that would allow them to intercept a plan to bomb a city and save hundreds of lives. They're rushing out under cover fire when a stray bullet hits Soap in the let. He goes down hard, falling onto the sharp debris of the walls he blew.
"Ghost!" He cries out and reaches for him.
But Ghost freezes.
Their mission was secure and retrieved the drive at all costs, no deviations under any circumstances.
Ghost watched Soap's eyes widen and face fall. "Ghost?"
Ghost looked away. "I'll come back for you! Hold on!"
'The mission comes first' he kept repeating as he raced to the heli to safely deliver the drive. On comms he asked for backup, but Price says it's too dangerous. They'll extract, secure the drive, then return from the flank on foot.
'The mission comes first, the mission comes first, the mission comes-'
He's lifted out, drive handed off to Price to immediately pass on the Laswell, on foot with Gaz and some rooks they run a basic sweep and rescue.
Soap is unconscious, his blood staining the concrete. His magazine is empty, bodies all around telling him they found him, and two more bullet wounds.
Ghost carries him in his arms to safety, running at full speed.
Soap heals, eventually. New scars to the side of his face where it was torn by the debris, bullet wounds in his thigh, shoulder and arm.
He has a limp now, nerve damage to his left hand too so he's not as nimble or agile as he used to be. Doc says he will be cleared for duty again after weeks of rehab. The physio suggests maybe he stick to training instead.
He won't look Ghost in the eyes. Doesn't address him. Doesn't touch him.
Ghost sits next to his bed, watery eyes as he apologized, tries to make Soap understand. They're soldiers - the mission needs to come first and he can't let personal feelings jeopardize that.
Soap just stares out the window. "I know, Lieutenant Riley. Actions have consequences."
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As much as nearly every character she meets tends to act like there's something uniquely broken and wrong with Claudia, at no point does it truly seem to me like there actually really is? I mean, obviously she is extremely fucked up, she straight up went through a serial killer collecting trophies phase, but there's a level of fucked up that's sort of the baseline for every character in the show, and obviously being turned into a vampire as a child puts her at a unique disadvantage. But for all that everyone around her spends their time bemoaning how dreadful and doomed her life is, even Louis who genuinely loves her but also builds so much of his identity around feeling responsible for her Terrible Fate™, I really don't think she's like, fundamentally damaged any more than any of the other vampires are.
But Lestat is so unwilling to be wrong that every time her life hits an inevitable road bump instead of helping her through it he points and says "look! see! she IS a monster, I was right Louis, making her was a mistake!" (and I think he sees his own monstrousness in her but fails to also see her humanity)
And then Armand meets her and sees only someone who will inevitably lose her mind, so of course speeding up the "inevitable" and siding with the coven to plan her death is just a mercy, absolving himself of any blame. (and he projects his own frailty and desire for death onto her, failing to see her strength and her desire for life)
Which makes it so cathartic when she meets Madeleine, admits to her how broken she feels sometimes, and Madeleine's response is just. Well that's normal. Who isn't a little broken these days. Let yourself feel it, move on, let yourself feel it again if you need to. After spending her life having others act as if her emotions are something uniquely dark and worrying, Madeleine's incredibly blase attitude must have been such an incredible breath of fresh air for Claudia!
To spend her whole life being made to feel like something is Wrong™ with her, and then meet someone who's just like, "yeah, and?? Who isn't? Join the club I guess"
Which makes her death so incredibly tragic and frustrating because like. She was fine! She was making a life for herself! She wasn't doomed by her nature, she wasn't "doomed by the narrative" (whatever the fuck that even means), she was doomed for no reason other than that everyone around her (except for Madeleine) preemptively DECIDED she was doomed and never gave her a chance to prove them wrong.
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
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Help Me Get New Mobility Aids!!!
Happy Disability Pride Month! I initially wasnt going to make a post to try to get new mobility aids/tools, but I really need them, so what the hell.
I am a multiply disabled Black lesbian and I have been without proper supportive mobility since the start of the pandemic. I had many of my things broken or thrown away during this time period, and I thought I could go without but its been so long and I really cant anymore.
I need smart/ergonomic forearm crutches because regular forearm crutches wreck my fragile hypermobile wrists, I need braces for both legs and ankles, a shower bench and detachable showerhead. All of this combined is a bit over $550.
I REALLY need this, esp the crutches! My mobility and bodily autonomy would be GREATLY increased If I was able to get these items. I
CA: $sleepyhen
VN: wildwotko
Dm for P@ypal
TLDR?: Disabled Black Lesbian needs new mobility aids for increased mobility and autonomy.
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COVID-19's long-term effects on the body: an incomplete list
COVID’s effect on the immune system, specifically on lymphocytes:
NYT article from 2020 (Studies cited: https://www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1101/2020.05.18.101717v1, https://www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1101/2020.05.20.106401v1, https://www.unboundmedicine.com/medline/citation/32405080/Decreased_T_cell_populations_contribute_to_the_increased_severity_of_COVID_19_, https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2020.06.08.20125112v1)
https://www.biorxiv.org/content/10.1101/2022.01.10.475725v1
https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.abc8511 (Published in Science)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9057012/
https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2022/04/14/sars-cov-2-actively-infects-and-kills-lymphoid-cells/
https://www.cleveland.com/news/2022/10/in-cleveland-and-beyond-researchers-begin-to-unravel-the-mystery-of-long-covid-19.html
SARS-CoV-2 infection weakens immune-cell response to vaccination: NIH-funded study suggests need to boost CD8+ T cell response after infection
https://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/hematology-and-oncology/leukopenias/lymphocytopenia
https://thetyee.ca/Analysis/2022/11/07/COVID-Reinfections-And-Immunity/
Dendritic cell deficiencies persist seven months after SARS-CoV-2 infection
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fimmu.2022.1034159/full
https://www.n-tv.de/politik/Lauterbach-warnt-vor-unheilbarer-Immunschwaeche-durch-Corona-article23860527.html (German Minister of Health)
Anecdotal evidence of COVID’s effects on white blood cells:
https://twitter.com/DrJohnHhess/status/1661837956875956224
https://x.com/TristanVeness/status/1661565201345564673
https://twitter.com/TristanVeness/status/1689996298408312832
Much more if you speak to Long Covid patients directly!
Related information of interest:
China approves Genuine Biotech's HIV drug for COVID patients
COVID as a “mass disabling event” and impact on the economy:
https://www.ctvnews.ca/health/report-says-long-covid-could-impact-economy-and-be-mass-disabling-event-in-canada-1.6306608
https://x.com/inkblue01/status/1742183209809453456?s=20
COVID’s impact on the heart:
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/world-news/deadly-virus-could-lead-heart-31751263 (Research from: Japan's Riken research institute)
https://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/queensland/unlike-flu-covid-19-attacks-dna-in-the-heart-new-research-20220929-p5bm10.html
https://www.mdpi.com/2077-0383/12/1/186
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2023-04-mild-covid-effects-cardiovascular-health.html
https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2022/covid-and-the-heart-it-spares-no-one
https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/news/coronavirus-and-your-health/is-coronavirus-a-disease-of-the-blood-vessels (British Heart Foundation)
COVID’s effect on the brain and cognitive function:
https://www.openaccessgovernment.org/article/brain-infection-by-sars-cov-2-lifelong-consequences/171391/
https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/covid-19/study-shows-covid-leaves-brain-injury-markers-blood
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/jul/08/warning-of-serious-brain-disorders-in-people-with-mild-covid-symptoms
Cognitive post-acute sequelae of SARS-CoV-2 (PASC) can occur after mild COVID-19
Neurologic Effects of SARS-CoV-2 Transmitted among Dogs
https://journals.lww.com/nsan/fulltext/2022/39030/neurological_manifestations_and_mortality_in.4.aspx
https://www.salon.com/2023/06/17/new-evidence-suggests-alters-the-brain--but-the-extent-of-changes-is-unclear/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/covid-virus-may-tunnel-through-nanotubes-from-nose-to-brain/
https://neurosciencenews.com/post-covid-brain-21904/
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(22)00260-7/fulltext
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2022-08-covid-infection-crucial-brain-regions.html
https://news.ecu.edu/2022/08/04/covid-parkinsons-link/
Covid as a vascular/blood vessel disease:
https://www.salon.com/2020/06/01/coronavirus-is-a-blood-vessel-disease-study-says-and-its-mysteries-finally-make-sense/
https://www.salon.com/2023/12/27/brain-damage-caused-by-19-may-not-show-up-on-routine-tests-study-finds/
https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/sars-cov-2-infects-coronary-arteries-increases-plaque-inflammation
https://www.mdpi.com/2077-0383/12/6/2123
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/10/211004104134.htm (microclots)
Long Covid:
Post-COVID-19 Condition in Canada: What we know, what we don’t know, and a framework for action
https://www.ctvnews.ca/health/coronavirus/more-than-two-years-of-long-covid-research-hasn-t-yielded-many-answers-scientific-review-1.6235227
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/london/cause-of-long-covid-symptoms-revealed-by-lung-imaging-research-at-western-university-1.6504318
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/long-covid-study-montreal-1.6521131
https://news.yale.edu/2023/12/19/study-helps-explain-post-covid-exercise-intolerance
Other:
- Viruses and mutation: https://typingmonkeys.substack.com/p/monkeys-on-typewriters
Measures taken by the rich and world leaders
Heightened risk of diabetes
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2805461
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-00912-y
Liver damage:
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/46-of-covid-patients-have-liver-damage-study/articleshow/97809200.cms?from=mdr
tl;dr: covid is a vascular disease, not a respiratory illness. it can affect your blood and every organ in your body. every time you're reinfected, your chances of getting long covid increase.
avoid being infected. reduce the amount of viral load you're exposed to.
the gap between what the scientific community knows and ordinary people know is massive. collective action is needed.
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