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yn-x-animeboy · 3 years

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Jungkook x y/n (as a famous artist) Pt.2

pArt 1: here

pairing: reader x Jungkook

genre: fluff, romance, for entertainment purposes

BTS x Fem Reader

sinopsis: You are a popular artist in America, pretty famous, loved and well-known by the general public (actually you were one of the top 10 artists in the world but you are pretty humble and naïve to realize your popularity), one day during one of your fan meets you talk about how much you love BTS, and not only how you wish to meet them and work with them but how Jungkook is one of your celebrity crushes. During the meet you fangirled with other ARMYs in the crowd; video clips of you fangirling and talking about BTS at your meet where posted and reposted all over social media. This obviously broke the internet because you were not only a famous singer but you also were always accepted and loved by ARMY and this made a lot of people happy. Suddenly it felt like everyone wanted you to meet the seven handsome and talented idols and collaborate, but you could only wish, you believed they didn't even know who you were...or so you thought

Part 2- BTS x Y/N You went to bed, turned your phone on silent mode and looked at your ceiling, replaying that fake scenario you talked about a few hours ago, oh how you wished it could become real. Finally dozing off and resting for the work-packed day you had tomorrow; unaware that your social media was currently going crazy and how they yearned for your new weekly EPISODE to come out.

While you were peacefully sleeping social media platforms like twitter and instagram where going crazy all over the world, headlines with titles like: “Y/N FINALLY CONFESSES”, “Y/N AND JUNGKOOK RELATIONSHIP WILL SAVE 2021”, “ARMYs BIGGEST FEAR… Y/N+J&K''. People demanded the episode of the leaked videos to be uploaded as soon as possible, even though it was the middle of the night were you where; your international fans where active and ready for some content after watching the “leaked” videos; they exploded your teams’ contacts; your team left with no other choice but to actually speed up the process and upload said EPISODE; your manager contacted the main editor and offered him two days off if he could finish the video that same night.

The episode was uploaded at around 2 am; meaning in Korea, the video went up at around 4pm.

4:00 o’clock in the afternoon, a beautiful day outside Seoul. The guys were currently about to shoot a new episode of RUN BTS; on set, the guys were standing in the middle of a room as some hair and makeup staff fixed their appearance. Cameras were being set up around them by the camera crew. Staff spread around the room doing their respective tasks. The guys did have their cell phones with them but they were all turned to airplane mode so they wouldn't disturb the shoot. Just like you, they were unaware of what was happening on their social media platforms.

“ACTION!” the director started. RM lead the opening line “1,2,3…”, “Dallyeora Bangtan!” (RUN BTS!) they all said in unison, and the episode began. behind the cameras, staff were learning about the ``BTS x Y/N'' ordeal as the seven boys were filming. The “Hybe Corporation '' (RIP big hit) would normally would see this type of situation as a negative thing for their Idol Star Group’s image, immediately clearing up any misunderstanding and false info that was being spread online; but the head of the company, Bang Si-hyuk, decided to first watch the video himself and look into it this time.

Again, the head team would’ve even ignored this situation, but this time it was different. Bang Si-hyuk actually knew who you were, and was surprised when he saw your name pop up. After a quick meeting the next step was decided for BTS in regards to this situation. “Just to make sure, the boys are still shooting right? Bang Si-hyuk asked his assistant, “Y-yes sir, they are in the middle of a game, no news have been broke to them”; Bang Si-hyuk nodded and looked around the room of people that attended the emergency meeting, “Okay so, like we agreed, we will surprise they boys with this, they are big fans of y/n, and I really do like her too, she is a good girl who goes well with BTS. SO... after their scheduled shoot, send them to the other room and let them react to y/n’s episode highlights, and tell them what is happening, I think this could be the beginning of something good” Bang Si-hyuk concluded the meeting at that. Staff quickly went and prepared everything.

After shoot the guys were expecting to get into their assigned cars and go home like they normally do when they are done on set, but they were stopped by staff; “Guys okay so you are done with this episode, please now direct yourselfs towards the meeting room, the company has treated you to some refreshers, snacks and drinks; you will be told what to do'' The small woman stepped aside to let the boys go to where they were asked to go. The guys didn't think too much of this, brushing it off as a probable “catch-up” meeting.

Once they got to the meeting room they sat on one side of a wooden table, a laptop sitting in the middle, and a single camera behind the table. Jungkook took a seat in front of the laptop, Jimin to his right and Suga to his left; J-Hope, V, Jin and RM sitting in higher chairs behind them in that order, with a clear view on the computer. They all looked at the staff for answers, this was not one of their weekly meetings… The staff allowed them to have the promised snacks, instant noodles and beverages for this. One staff member told them what they were going to do “Okay so before you all go home we need you to react to this video, it is only a couple of minutes long, we have edited it and cut some parts out; you are allowed to eat and loosen up; you can react as you wish and add any comment as well, any questions?” They shook their head as they had done this before so many times.

The video started and a preview came on screen, it was your intro music, on screen a quick preview of your complete episode was shown. The boys immediately recognized the images, they had seen your show many times before. “Oi, it’s y/n'' Jin immediately said as soon as your face appeared on screen, “Is this a new episode?” JImin asked out loud, “Wait what day is it? they normally go up on Friday, did we miss it?” Taehyung spoke, mouth full of spicy noodles, J-Hope and RM reached out and cleaned Taehyung’s face with napkins as if he was a child, before he made a bigger mess.

“Hello everyone welcome to another episode of…. f** I don't even know what we call these videos, jajajaja” “Wait what?... jajajajaja omg guys thank you, I'm so sorry, yeah you heard them, welcome back to y/n’s camera roll, I can’t believe I forgot that, anyway today’s episode is a little different……” Your introduction from the episode played on screen, making the boys chuckle at your genuine personality “hahaha gwiyeoun” (haha cute) Suga added, J-Hope agreeing with him as he gave Suga a piece of the food he was having. Kookie was currently watching the screen not even blinking, he hadn’t taken a bite out of his noodles or a sip out of his banana milk, Jimin noticed and pointed at him looking back at the guys with a silent laugh, they all knew Jungkook was your biggest simp.

The video continued, they kept adding comments and watching with interest. The staff had actually reedited your original video to make it shorter and show the parts where you mention BTS.

“Hi, y/n, can I ask you another question?” you nodded and signaled him to proceed;

“I saw that you liked an instagram post about BTS a while back uploaded by a fan account and I also saw that you actually follow their personal twitter account. ALSO in your behind the scenes video for your music video shoot you can be seen in the background dancing the Boy with luv choreo. So I wanted to ask if you were an ARMY and if you know them personally? and like should we be expecting a collaboration soon?”

You chucked at his talking speed, curious questions and great detective skills.

Jimin reached over and paused the video before they could hear what you answered next. “No way….Omg what she says she hates us” Jimin said. “Imagine if she said she hates us, is this why you guys are making us watch this?” Suga looked at the staff. “Can we keep watching hyungs…” Jungkook said looking around at the others, a bit desperate to find out what you said next. “Oi, wouldn't you want to know guki…” Jin teased him, wiggling his eyebrows and slapping the back of his head playfully. Before Jungkook could fight back RM reached over them and pressed play, preventing a ‘playful’ fight among the youngest and oldest member to take place.

“OMG hahaha I love you so much, what an amazing question, Okay so first off no I don’t know them personally and sadly no plans of collaboration are on sight. Oh wow I have never been asked if I liked BTS before, I’m excited hahaha. Yeah I am an ARMY, I love them so much I am one of their biggest fans, and they are also one of my biggest inspirations when it comes to work ethic and professionalism, listening to them or watching them gives me motivation to keep doing what I love, which is this.

anyway I am rambling I should stop; you guys can say y/n stop whenever I start rambling okay? hahaha''

As this part of the video played, the guys seemed to lean closer to the screen as you spoke. Once you finished your answer they paused the video again. RM stood up with hands on his head; Jin and J-Hope held on to each other with their mouths wide open looking at the screen; V was still sitting in the same spot, frozen, as if he was paused in time along with the now paused screen; Suga stood up with his hands on his mouth bouncing his knees lightly; Jimin reached to RM behind him and stretched his arms out with a ‘Did you hear that?’ expression; Jungkook leaned over the table and pulled the screen closer, he was smiling from ear to ear letting out a small “wow” under his breath, then he replayed your answer to listen to it one more time, rereading the subtitles under the video making sure he did not miss any words.

“OMG NO WAY, NO WAY DUDE” Tae came out of his frozen state and held on to Jungkook's shoulders shaking slightly; They all looked at eachother surprised, they couldn't believe that ‘the one and only Y/N’ was an ARMY. They composed themselves and played the video to proceed once the staff told them there was more.

The video resumed:

“Guys should we actually talk about BTS for a bit? hahaha” you asked your fans

A girl spoke after: “Can I ask you a BTS question then? Okay so, who is your favorite member?

“Well first off, I don't have a favorite member. I really mean it when I say this. I love them all equally and I love them all as a group. I don’t prefer one over the other or like one better. I really do support them equally. I mean there is nothing wrong with having a bias, as long as you also respect the other members, hope that all made sense lol” Everyone seemed moved by your support towards them and nodded.

Again the boys reacted, they were so surprised they paused again and walked back and forth making sounds of excitement; They loved the way you answered the question and were so moved by your love and appreciation towards them and the way you saw them as a group. They felt like jumping and celebrating. They sat back down again to keep watching their favorite american artist talk about them some more.

Your episode was again cut and it skipped to another question:

“Y/n so you don’t have a favorite, but do you have a crush on any of them?, like if you could date one of them right now, which one do you pick?” A fan asked.

The guys chuckled at the question, they thought there was no way you would answer such a question.

“okay...well...Like I said just to be clear I don't have favorites amongst the group members, but I do have a type…. I consider one of them to be my celebrity crush”......

“So in that case, if I had to pick someone that I would date in real life...i would say…. Jungkook”

The. Guys. Went. Nuts. Jungkook immediately stood up and lifted his hands up in the air as if he had won an award, he paused the video and started smiling like crazy; his cheeks tinted in a redish pinkish tone, he covered his face as he was at a loss for words, he knew he was seen as attractive by female and male artists, he even knew of a couple of well known idols who had admitted to having a crush on him; but this was different, he had considered you to be his celebrity crush for years now, ever since your debut in america when you were just 15 and he was 16; he was a big fan of yours; he knew everything about you, he loved your music, he thought you were one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen, he even had a picture of you performing as his wallpaper currently; he constantly watched your videos and wished he could someday date a girl like you.

A staff member spoke, taking Jungkook out of his trance state: “How do you feel Jungkook?” He lifted his face from his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes were glossy and his smile wide. “I-I don't know what to say, I can’t believe it,” he said as he sat down looking at the pause screen, looking at your still image. His hyungs patted him on the back; Jimin turned his head to the staff as he was rubbing JK’s back with one hand, “You know Jungook has had the biggest crush on y/n for so long now” Jimin told the staff. The other members agreed and nodded. Jungkook looked up and spoke to the staff: “Yeah I remember listening to her debut song for the longest time without really thinking about who the artist was. When her first studio album broke records I decided to look her up, I watched a video of her talking about the album and her experience as a new artist and I think ever since then I have had a crush on her; she is my ideal type”

“Why is she your ideal type?” a staff member in the back asked JK. “Ha. um. well I think my ideal type of girl is someone who is funny and has a bright and cool personality; someone who as soon as they step into a room they immediately light it up; someone who is goofy and isn't afraid to become a joke or mess up; A confident person; someone who isn't too girly or too boyish; someone who likes to learn new things and from who I can learn new things too; someone who is younger than me; Someone who loves dancing and singing a lot, etc. And y/n is kinda all that and more tbh; He rambled, the guys were all used to his ‘secret fangirling over y/n’ habit, but the staff was taken aback; they only thought the guys thought highly of you as an artist, but this… they felt moved. “Ay ay, stop drooling, lets keep watching hahaha” Suga poked at JK’s side and pressed play.

The video time skipped again: “...I love that question, and your scenario is so cute, you should write a tumblr post about it, well yeah I obviously have created fake scenarios in my head about BTS, past crushes, fake arguments even hahaha, there are so many BTS fake scenarios in my head…. hmm oh I know which one, okay so this fantasy of mine is about how I would meet them irl and work with them, I will make it quick”

“Okay so, my literal fantasy is to one day meet them at a talk show, you know how hosts like to surprise their guests with something/someone they like?, I believe Ellen has done it multiple times where she surprised a guest with their idol or celebrity crush, you know?” The group nodded, invested in your fake scenario “Well i would be invited to like the Jimmy Fallon Show, where he would just randomly surprise me with BTS. Then I would be given the opportunity to introduce myself and tell them how much I love and support them. I would also be able to show them my korean speaking skills, I learned Korean and Spanish back in school and I have never been able to actually use either them, lol, anyway...well after that we would all become really good friends, and we would collaborate and put out one or multiple songs for you guys. I mean that's basically it, I wish I could meet them, and become their friend and write songs with them, even produce songs with Suga or RM if I could''

“What???? does she speak korean?”

“OMG Jungkook is she speaks korean marry her”

“OMG I wanna meet her now”

“That's so cute”

“She is so cool”

The guys added and all looked adoringly at the screen; RM and Suga also commented about how they would love to work with someone like you and produce a ton of music together and that they wish you all could collaborate in the future too.

_____

And That is how the boys learned about the video and your view on them….not only that they also learned about your embarrassing fantasy and celebrity crush…. After finishing their day at work, they went home and watched your episode complete this time. They felt like they accomplished something so important by just leaning your perception on them. Jungkook also felt that but he was even more excited than the rest, his celebrity crush had admitted to crushing on him back, he knows that the chances of meeting you or even having a friendship with you were probably non existent. And even if they did meet you, the idea of dating you in real life seemed impossible to him due to you both being artists, under strict and powerful companies, living opposite sides of the world, in different time zones even; but he was still happy, and the guys too; they all went to bed wishing they could someday meet you.

----

Part 3- Jimmy Fallon Show ------> here

ily:) Xx, plis give me a lil’ <3

#bts #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts imagines #bts scenarios #jungkook #jeon jungguk #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook imagine

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hypocrisyofandrewdobson · 3 years

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Dobson's Patreon: An Addendum to His Monument of Sins

(The following is a submission from @soyouareandrewdobson, meant to be an addendum to the multi-post submission @ripsinfest made a while back. Ironically, this one also had issues when being submitted, so I’ll be copypasting it here with all the images and links originally intended.)

In 2018, user @ripsinfest wrote a multipart series of posts for THOAD, recounting Dobson’s attempt to establish a patreon in 2015 and how it resulted in failure on a massive scale, to the point that his patreon is arguably “a monument to all his sins”.

Personally I think the post series is extremely well researched, rather “neutral” in terms of tone (letting the posts provided as evidence speak more for themselves than the opinion of the writer) and gives a detailed but quick rundown on what went wrong. Primarily that Dobson overestimated his own “value” as an artist and did NOT attempt to give his few supporters what they wanted through his artwork posted around the time.

I do however want to use the opportunity to also point out at certain obvious things that in my opinion (and likely the opinions of others) added to the failure of the patreon account, that were not accounted for in detail and are primarily related to how the internet perceives popularity and Dobson’s inability to understand, how to “sell” and make himself look good to the public.

To begin with, let’s just point out a certain truth about making money via Patreon: To do so, depends a lot on your popularity as a content creator online. That is simply because the more popular you are, the bigger your fanbase is and as such the more likely a certain percentage of people may be willing to donate money to you and your work in hopes they get something out of it, even if it is just the altruistic feeling of having helped someone they “like”. It doesn’t take a genius to see, how e.g. internet reviewers such as Linkara or moviebob (around 2800 and 4400$ earnings via patreon each month respectively) can make quite some money, while other, more obscure content creator or artists barely make money to go by, earning essentially pocket money at best.

In addition, popularity is fleeting. A few years ago e.g. internet personality Noah Antweiler aka The SpoonyOne managed to earn 5000$ a month via patreon, just shortly after establishing his account. But his lack of content over the years AND his toxic behavior online resulted in a decline of popularity and with it people jumping off his Patreon. As such, Antweiler only earns nowadays around 290$ a month via Patreon and most of that money is likely form people who have forgotten they donate to him in the first place anyway.

And Noah is not the only one who over the course of the last couple of years lost earnings. Brianna Wu makes barely more than he does, despite having once been the “darling” of the internet when the Gamergate controversy was at its peak. Many Bronies who once made more than 2k via video reviews on a show about little horses at the peak of its popularity (2013-15) earn less than 300-800 on average nowadays because interest on the show as well as people talking about it has declined.

Heck, in preparation of writing this piece I found out, that one of the highest grossing patreons nowadays is “The last podcast on the left”, a podcast that earns more than 67k a month by making recordings on obscure and macabre subjects on a regular basis.

So there you have it folks: As the interests of the internet users change, so does the popularity of certain people online and -in case they have a patreon account or similar plattforms- their chances of making money via their content.

Which now brings us back to Dobson, who was not popular at all at that particular time and managed to become even less popular as the months and years passed by.

Sure, Dobson had his fans via deviantart, people knew who he was. But the later was more because of “infamy” than popularity and the number of fans he had accumulated online were representing people interested in him at least since 2005 and did not quite represent his actual present day numbers of supporters at the time.

And mind you, the number of supporters was less than 100k, most of them likely underaged deviantart users. And if my research indicates something, then that most content creators with a halfway decent patreon earning need at least 100k+ followers in total. Because of those fans, only around 1-3% will on average then spend money on you, if you actually create content they enjoy and on a regular basis.

Which brings up the next major problem: Dobson did not create content people enjoyed and that in more than one meaning of the word.

On one hand, as pointed out by ripsinfest, he barely released any content at all over 2015 after a few initial months, despite the fact that he was obviously active online a lot, as shown by his presence on twitter. On the other hand, the few things he did create were not the stuff people wanted.

As an example: If you go to a restaurant and pay for a pizza, you expect the cook to give you a pizza. If however for some reason he just gives you a soda, you get ripped off and never come back. In Dobson’s case, the thing people wanted was not pizza but comic pages. But what he delivered was mostly bland fanart, such as of Disney and Marvel characters crossing over or KorraSami. Sure, a few strips of “So…you are a cartoonist” were still released at the time, but not really many.

To give an overview: Taking the release dates on Dobson’s official SYAC site into account, he released around 16 strips of it between March and August of 2015, the last two being “No Leia” being titled “Zip line”

Afterwards, the next official strip released was “Anything at all” in October of 2016.

Now to be fair, there was at least one more strip at the time Dobson released via patreon, that is also save to see on kiwifarms and other plattforms, which has not been uploaded to his official SYAC page. Likely because he simply forgot about it.

But I think that in itself should tell you something about Dobson’s work ethics when it comes to his webcomics. He promoted his patreon in his own video as a way to ensure he can make comics in a timely fashion again for others to enjoy, but in an environment where certain artists are capable to create multiple strips per week at minimum, Dobson could overall not manage to produce more than 16 over a course of six months, which means an average production of 3 strips per month.

For comparison, Tatsuya Ishida of the infamous sinfest webcomic (a garbage fire of epic proportions from a TERF who I think should be put on a watch list) has produced on average 4 strips per week, including full page Sunday strips, for years and nowadays even releases stuff on a daily basis to pass the covid crisis. So a mad man who wants to see trnas people die, has better work ethics than Dobson.

In other words, people expected Dobson to actually get back into creating comics (with some even expecting a return of Alex ze Pirate), but he got in fact even lazier than before, releasing only SYAC strips and random fanart as a product. Which he then also tried to justify as his choice to make because a) he had mental health issues and b) no one can tell him what to do.

And sure, people do not need to tell you what to do. But when people pay/donate money to you expecting to get a certain product in return, they should get the product. Linkara e.g. by all means doesn’t NEED to review comics to have a fullfilling life, but he got famous for his reviews, people want to see his reviews and they pay him for those reviews. So obviously, he will continue those things.

Then there is also the fact that despite Dobson’s claims how he wants to create comics for everone to enjoy and that he aims to keep his artwork online for free so anyone can view it…(his exact words in his promotional video AND text on his patreon once upon a time)

youtube

…the reality was, that he wanted to use patreon as a paywall. Something I actually kinda pointed out at on my own account (shameless self promotion) once, but want now to elaborate a bit. Basically at the time Dobson opened up his patreon, he also was on the verge of leaving deviantart as a platform people could look at his work behind. Which he eventually did.

Meaning that the only major platforms for people to watch any “new” stuff by him were his patreon or art sites such as the SYAC homepage or andysartwork. Which granted, he did EVENTUALLY put his stuff on.

But unlike other content creators who would put “patreon exclusive” new content up on more public plattforms often within a few days, weeks or a month after making them “patreon only” at first, Dobson waited longer and did barely anything to promote his sites as places to look his stuff up for a public audience. In doing so creating a “bubble” for himself that hurt him more than it helped, as Dobson made himself essentially come off as a snob.

A snob who did not create content for everybody to enjoy, but ONLY for those willing to pay him at least one dollar per month. As evident e.g. by the fact that as time went by, certain content was never released outside of his patreon at all, such as a SYAC strip involving Dobbear screaming at the computer because he saw a piece of art that featured tumblr nose.

Lastly, there is the issue of his patreon perks and stretch goals.

See, his perks were essentially non existent. Aside of the beggars reward of “my eternal thank you if you donate 1 dollar”, two other perks that come to my mind were the following: If you donated up to 5$ at minimum, you got your name thrown into a lottery to potentially win buttons and postcards of his artwork. Unsold cheap merch from years prior he failed to sell at conventions basically. There was just a problem with that thing: That lottery thing, which he also was only going to initiate when he reached a stretch goal of 150 dollar a month? It was illegal!

Patreon itself has in their user agreement a rule that forbids people from offering perks that essentially boil down to “earning” something via gambling, which this lottery by Dobson was.

(THOAD chiming in here to add that, in addition to all this, he fully admitted he would be excluding Patrons that he “knew were clearly trolls” from the lottery. Which made the already illegal lottery also fixed, so...yeah.)

The next thing coming to mind was his “discount” on previous books of his he offered online, if you donated at least 10 bucks per month to him. Or to translate it: You would get a bare minimum discount at pdf files of books such as Alex ze Pirate and Formera (you know, the permanently cancelled Dobson comics) if you paid up 50-75% of their original price on Patreon already. And considering the quality of his early works, he should have given you at least a book per month for free if you dared to donate him that much.

As for the stretch goals… lets go through them, shall we:

100$: A wallpaper per month. Something he did provide with eventually, but barely. And after less than five of those he stopped to make them overall

150$: Monthly Gift basket Lottery, which as I stated, was illegal and almost got him into serious trouble with his account. Also not an initial stretch goal he made up but instead came up with a few months into his accounts existence. Finally it got temporarily replaced by Dobson playing with the idea to use 150$ per month to open up a server and art site where people could upload stuff for free similar to deviantart, but under his administration. Promising a “safe space” for other artists. Which considering Dobson’s ego and inability to accept criticism or delegate responsibilities would have likely ended like this:

175$: Establishing a Minecraft server for him and his fans to play on. Meaning Dobson would have just wasted time he could spend on creating comics to endulge in his Minecraft obsession.

200$: Writing a Skyrim children book. Aside of the legal nightmare that this could have been (I doubt Valve would have been happy of someone else profiting of their property) I have to ask, who was even interested in Skyrim by 2015 anymore? Sure, Skyrim was a popular game and it had its qualities, but it was also a trend that had passed by that time. So in other words, there was not a market to cater towards here.

300$: A strip per week guaranteed.

… are you fucking kidding me? 75$ per strip essentially? Something people expect you to produce anyway if you want to be considered a “prolific” creator worth supporting online? Imagine if certain internet reviewers would do that, telling you that if they do not earn at least a certain amount of money, they will not produce anything, period, or less than usual. And Dobson had already proven that he can release more than just one comic within a few days, if he is motivated by enough spite.

600$: Starting a podcast with his friends to talk about nerd culture. In my opinion could only work under the assumption that people even like the idea of listening to Dobson and his opinions. Which considering how very little people like talking to him sounds doubtful. Also, considering how Dobson tends to be late to the party when it comes to nerd culture, likely tending to be out of date faster than he could upload. Finally... what friends?

700$: Returning the love, as he says it, by donating some of the money patreon users gave him to other content creators. This in my opinion is the most self defeating cause possible. On one hand sure, being generous and all that. But essentially Dobson admits here he would blow the money people give him to support HIS art on others, essentially defeating the purpose of HIS own account. He also does not clarify how much of that money he would donate, meaning there was a high chance that he would spend less than 10% of it on other creators, only creating the illusion of support while putting the actual earnings/donations into his own pocket.

2000$: A massive jump ahead. 2000$ per month would result in him getting better equipment (as in a new computer e.g.) and as such “potentially” make more comics. Mind you, only potentially.

This goal in my opinion is also the most fucked up one. Primarily for the following reasons:

Lets say Dobson would have achieved the goal and actually earned over 2000$ per month for at least a year. His annual earning would have been 24k, minus whatever he had to pay as taxes and payment for using the patreon service. And what would he do with this money? Get himself a better computer and equipment by paying a minor fraction of it once. Then he could use that computer for years to come while still having over 10k in his account, plus his monthly earnings. And he may still just produce 3-4 comics a month of a series that has as much depth to it than Peppa Pig if not less.

Sure, many patreon users have 2k+ as a stretch goal on their accounts to signify that if they could make that much monthly, they could have the necessary financial security to focus their time primarily on their content instead of a regular job. And if the content they create is actually well made, many people would support that or be okay with it.

But 2000 dollars to buy ONE computer and not account for how this money will add up over time? And that in light of such profits people may actually expect you to create more than you barely do already? That is either a case of narcissism, plain stupidity because you can't look further than 5 feet or just shows how Dobson did not understand at all the tool he had at his disposal.

Bottom line: Dobson, like many times before, fucked it up. He overestimated the potential support and resulting profits he could make, he expected that his name alone would be enough to assure gainings instead of creating content to justify support and he was unwilling to really give his supporters anything worthwhile back.

And while I am sure that there were also many other factors guaranteeing his failure, those at least to me, were his "common" mistakes most other people familiar even with the basics of internet popularity would ahve avoided.

#long post #patreon #syac #submission #very long post #andrew dobson #adobsonartworks #tom preston #adobsonart #soyouareandrewdobson #ripsinfest

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browneyedhimbo · 4 years

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Second Chances

Prompts: “You should be kissed, every day, every hour, every minute.”

Summary: Second chances are hard to come by. Bucky never got to tell you how he felt before, so with a little encouragement he might be able to finally tell you.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: slight angst, fluffy ending, friends to lovers type thing

Word Count: 1.6K

A/N: This is for @cosmicbucky‘s 300 writing challenge. Congratulations again hun! You serve them and so many more! ❤💕❤💕 This was written with me practically drunk off nyquil so if this doesn’t make much sense I’m sorry 😅 Hope you like it! 《Masterlist 》

It was calm, Bucky noted. There were no missions, no fighting, no yelling, and no trouble. He caught himself in a blissful serenity and he loved it. Trying to soak up every minute of it, he lay sprawled on the sofa of the common room with his nose stuck in a book. He loved these days, but it was missing something. Rather, someone.

He shut his book and let it flop on his stomach as he reached for his phone in his pocket. He unlocked it and was greeted with the picture of his home screen that made his heartache and small smile turn to a frown. It was a silly selfie you took of the both of you, right there on that sofa.

He sighed and screwed his eyes shut tight. He felt like such an idiot, a helpless useless dumbass. But most of all, he felt like a coward. The sound of his phone pinging made his eyes open slowly as he saw it was a message from you.

Hey buddy! It’s nice out, try going for a walk. Who knows, you might end up meeting the girl of your dreams 🤪 Oh, and don't forget to smile!

He chuckled halfheartedly at the text. Only you would be on a lunch date with your boyfriend and send him a text telling him to smile. Whether it was telepathy or not, he found it endearing. His fingers typed as if they had a mind of his own and sent a message.

Hey! You know me, always smiling doll. I might take a rain check on that walk, workout room is calling my name

He didn’t want to take the walk, he didn’t want to meet anyone else. He already found the girl of his dreams but he couldn’t have her. He couldn’t have you.

He shook his head and sat up, swinging his legs over to stand. Hands found their way into his hair and he couldn't help but tug at it. The weight of his jealousy and the pain in his heart hurt him too much.

As hard as he tried, the tears started welling in his eyes and the lump in his throat grew. His leg started bouncing up and down as he tried to steady his breathing. His mind was swarming with thoughts, the loudest one being, “Are you really going to cry over this?” And he shook his head. Apparently he was.

+++

Wanda was tucked into a small corner of the kitchen drinking tea and scrolling through her phone when she felt this feeling of hurt wash over her, leaving goosebumps behind. Looking around she spotted Bucky on the sofa.

“Hey, um, Bucky?” She cautiously sat next to him. “Bucky what’s wrong?” He shook his head clenching his jaw, resulting in her putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I’m-” He inhaled a shaky breath, “I’m such an idiot.” He scoffed. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that day and now I don’t think I ever will.” The tears started rolling freely down his cheeks.

“What if I said you were wrong,” she countered gently, her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He looked up to her, “She’s happy with Brad.” He spat out venomously.

“Men,” Wanda’s eyes rolled as she chuckled, “You’re all the same. All that testosterone.” She smirked, pulling out her phone from her back pocket. “IF you would actually watch her Instagram stories and pay attention to her twitter posts,” she trailed off, scrolling endlessly. Bucky would watch them, but his focus was on you. Your smile, your eyes, your hair, your-

“Earth to Bucky.” Wanda chuckled. “So you think she’s still whooped for this guy right?” He shook his head, why wouldn’t you? “Well think again.” She turned her phone to show Bucky a post of yours on Instagram. It was a picture of your boyfriend, Brad, with his back to you. The caption you put under it is what sparked anger in the bit of Bucky’s stomach.

Won’t even kiss me anymore 🙄

“He’s been getting distance with her.” Wanda smiled knowingly. “Maybe you should tell her.” She smiled, her eyebrows rising in slight amusement.

“But why would she want me?” He didn’t mean to say it out loud, it just fell from his lips.

“Aww Bucky.” She cooed, bringing him into a side hug. “You could ask her yourself, you know. She never shuts up about you. At this point your name has left her mouth more than Brad.” She chuckled.

“Oh.” Was all he could say, but his mind was screaming why.

“Hey did I forget to mention that they broke up?” Bucky’s face shot up from where he had it tucked between his arms. His eyebrows rose in confusion as his head tilted, bottom lip jutting out.

“But the picture…” He trailed off.

“Was from two weeks ago.” She smirked. Bucky scoffed, not knowing what the hell was happening anymore. “That’s why she’s been in her room. She might’ve told you she was on a lunch date or that she was still seeing this douche only because she knows you’ll rip his head off.”

Now things seemed clearer. His mind reflected over the last two weeks. The bags under your eyes, how they were always puffy. When he asked you about it you said they were either allergies or you couldn’t sleep. The way you carried yourself was a little different, your shoulders were more slouched and your smile didn’t really reach your eyes. But you still seemed yourself. But now that he thinks about it, really thinks, you were flirting with him more. He only thought you were joking.

“Where is she?” He looked at Wanda, pure determination in his eyes.

“She’s on the roof.” She smiled sadly, “Be gentle.” Bucky nodded before wiping his eyes and darting towards the elevator.

The entire ride he was trying to come up with a little speech, something to say to you so he won’t be as awkward. But his mind turned up blank. All he could think about was that he was getting a second chance.

The elevator dinged, bringing him out of his thoughts. He took a deep breath, willing his nerves to calm down a bit before stepping out into the crisp New York air. He immediately spotted you leaning against the rail, looking into the horizon, a sad look adorning your beautiful features.

Slowly he started walking closer to you. The panic was slowly building up. He thought about turning around and sticking himself in his room, but when does the world ever offer him a second chance?

“Hey doll.” He smiled softly while his right hand gripped the rail. He forced himself to keep looking at you.

“Hey Buck!” You looked at him with a cheery expression. His heart melted at the sight.

“Can I uh, I want to, I-” He sighed looking at the view of the city. “Whatever happened with Brad? The uh lunch date?” Your jaw dropped and your eyes went wide. You completely forgot you told him you were on a date.

“We uh w-we cancelled last minute,” you lied. You hated lying to Bucky. He scratched the back of his neck, his chest heaving slightly faster.

“Wanda told me Y/N/N.” His soft steel blue grey eyes bore into yours. “Why didn’t you say something?” He asked so softly if you weren’t paying attention you might’ve missed it.

“I didn’t want you to worry,” you sighed. “Plus he wasn’t even interesting anymore.” You chuckled, trying to lighten things up.

“Yeah? How so?” He couldn’t help but ask.

“Well for one he wouldn’t want to kiss me anymore,” you laughed.

“You should be kissed, every day, every hour, every minute.” Bucky stated as if it were a fact. His words melted your heart and made puddy in his hands. It was the sweetest thing you ever heard and it brought the biggest goofiest smile onto your face.

“What?” His head tilted in confusion. “Wait did I just-” His eyes went wide as he paled. “Oh my g-I just. Fuck I didn’t-” He racked his fingers through his hair. “I-I mean it’s true but - oh god just shoot me now.” He mumbled, his head hitting the railing. Well so much for second chances.

“What do you mean second chances Buck?” Shit, did he say that out loud?

“Well,” he started, “remember that party Stark threw last year for the children’s fundraiser? I was planning on telling you how I felt.” A blush creeped its way up his neck to his cheeks. “I was going to bring you up here actually and tell you. But before I could even get you alone I chickened out.” He looked to the floor dejectedly.

“Tell me.” You said, your finger lifting his chin so his eyes met yours.

“What?”

“Tell me how you feel.” You don’t know where this boost of confidence came from but there was no taking this back now. Bucky gulped. It was now or never.

“I love you. I know it might seem like a strong word but you’re my best friend. Ever since I met you I knew but the feelings just got stronger everyday and then seeing you with fucking Brad just hurt so much. But I never stopped loving you and since he made you happy-” Tears blurred your vision as you cut him off with a kiss.

“You really should’ve said something at that party,” you chuckled softly, “I love you too Bucky boo.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips which you gladly returned. His hands snaked around your waist as your hands found a way to his neck, bringing him closer.

“I’m gonna show how much I love and kiss you like you should,” he promised.

“I'll hold you to it Sarge.”

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

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#bucky barns x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #wanda maximoff #cosmicbuckys300challenge

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wayward-mikaelson · 4 years

Text

The Run In

Word Count: 4692

Pairing: Misha x Reader

Characters: Reader, Misha, Diego (OG Character), Xander (OG Character), Divorce Lawyer, Police Receptionist, George (OG Character), Female Officer, and Male Officer

Summary: The Reader gets away from her abusive husband. After bumping into a stranger, the Reader forms a friendship with him which the Readers soon-to-be ex-Husband finds out about.

Disclaimer: Language, Angst, Fluff, Mentions of Domestic Violence, Mentions of degradation, Blood, Implied Smut

Disclaimer 2: This work of fiction contains Domestic Violence. If you have been a victim of DV please read at your own discretion. If you are in a DV situation please call 1-800-799-7233, of you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are in an emergency, call 911. There are also DV/IPV programs and shelters in your area who can help you.

Disclaimer 3: Any of the shorts that are hot and steamy, I want to put out there that it's in no way disrespectful towards Vicki at all. I love her to death and respect that marriage between her and Misha. So when reading those shorts, know that it all takes place in an alternate world where they aren't married at all.

A/N: Sorry this is late. I have been hitting some sort of writing block. I have the words in my head but for some reason I can’t get them out.

A/N 2: Tag your anyone who loves Misha!

*18+ Content. Anyone younger than 18 will need to move along. I do not want to risk my account being deleted.

**Please DO NOT copy and paste my work anywhere WITHOUT my permission and WITHOUT giving me the proper credit. I work way too hard on my work and don’t want it to get stolen.

***This work is also posted on Instagram, Wattpad, and AO3. Go show it some love over there.

****Please follow me on my other accounts Instagram, Wattpad, Twitter, and AO3

*****DMs are CLOSED for REQUESTS. I gotta finish up my other two projects.

Forever Tags: @donnaintx @myinconnelly1 @magssteenkamp @elansaidaris @hobby27 @440mxs-wife

I sit alone in the apartment, huddled on the couch. The fight had been bad this time. I mean, all fights with Diego were bad but, this one in particular had been pretty bad. I look around the trashed apartment and try not to replay the events that took place almost an hour before. The television was busted, a couple chairs had been thrown over, the mirror my mother had salvaged and repurposed for me was destroyed, glass was everywhere, and my grandmothers clock she passed down to me was busted up.

I don't know how I got here.

I don't know how I let it get so bad.

I slowly get up off the couch and watch my step all the way to the bathroom. I flip the light on and there, glowing bright red, on my face is the handprint of my husband. The throwing of things has been going on for a couple years. Hitting is new and Diego never hit me until recently. I should have left him months ago. Maybe even years ago.

After that first hit.

It was after a Christmas party at his office. We got into a fight about me talking to his co workers and about the dress I wore. He said he had been embarrassed by it all. I'm the stand you ground type of woman who snaps back. The moment I had snapped back, was the moment Diego hit me. Diego has been surprised so he left for the evening. I should have just packed and left. I didn't, I waited an apology that never really came and when it did, I knew he didn't mean it.

Tonight, it was about the fact I went out with a few friends and forgot about dinner for Diego. When I came home with take out, he lost it. Called me every name in the book. Threw things and hit me and left.

I slowly touch the already welting mark. I suck in a sharp breath when my cool hand touches the raw skin. It stings so bad that even my tears make it sting. I look at myself again in the mirror. "How pathetic," I whisper to myself. "How pathetic of you to have stayed this long over a boy that can't handle his anger. That's going to change."

I walk out of the bathroom to the room Diego and I share together. I head straight towards the closet and pull out a duffle back and begin to fill with the important things. Clothes. Some shoes. Bathroom and shower necessities. I swap out purses, leaving both my car keys and phone in my old one. I can't risk having Diego try looking for me. I log into my bank account and change every security question and answer. I close my eyes. I never thought I would need to do this yet here I am.

I look around the apartment one last time. My eyes land on the photo from our wedding day. I grab it and rip the picture from the frame. I take a lighter and set it ablaze in the kitchen sink with a few other photos. Taking a deep breath, I finally make my exist from the apartment.

I walk to the nearest bus stop and wait for the bus to show up. Even in the dark it's difficult to hide my swollen face from the world. So I keep it down and tucked behind the collar of my coat. When the bus finally shows up, I get on it and pay my fair. I go sit in the back and ride it all the way to where I need to get off. The ride is quiet. A few people stare at me when they catch sight of my face. I turn away from them and keep my face hidden away. I stare at my bags and think, this is all I have now. A few clothes, money, these bags, a few personal items, etc.

The bus stops and I quickly grab my bags and get off. I turn this way and that looking for the building I need to go into. I spot it, It's hidden behind some trees and another bus stop across the street. I make my way across the street and into the police station.

There is a lady sitting at the front desk. It looks like she's packing up to go home. She gives me a friendly smile and sets her bag aside.

"What can I do for you?" She asks. I see her zero in on the mark on my face and the look in her eyes looks like she's about to cry. "I think I know what papers you need." She turns and leaves the area and returns with a few papers in her hands. She slowly hands me the papers and a pen. "Do you need a safe place to fill these out? Theres a room I can take you to."

I nod, I want to cover as much of my trail and steps as I can. Diego is a smart man. He will soon learn I left him and will soon come looking for me. The lady walks me to a room with a table. She tells me that she won't close the door because some people in my situation get triggered. She walks to the officer that is sitting at a desk across the way and tells him something while pointing to me. The officer looks at me and then nods to the woman.

I look down at the Order of Protection and Restraining Order papers and take a deep breath. When I start to fill the paper out, I notice that I am still wearing my wedding ring and band. I take them off and set them in my bag. As I finish my paper work, I slowly get up and walk out of the room. The officer sees me and slowly approaches me.

"I can take care of this for you," He says reaching for the paper. "Now how about we get some ice for that mark and have a look to make sure it isn't more than raw skin." The officer sits me down and leaves. When he comes back he has a small ice pack and places it on my face. The cool pack feels so nice.

"I have a question," I say as the officer pulls out a first aid box and starts to look at my face.

"Yeah?" he responds.

"Is there a way to put in your system that I am not a missing person but on the run from my husband?" I flinch when the officer wipes my face with the alcohol wipe.

"Sorry," He starts to apply an antibiotic to my face. "If or when your husband comes to us looking for you, our system will actually show that these orders are on him. What will happen is that they will take your information and tell him he has two days until you are declared missing. In that time frame he would have been served with the restraining order." The officer puts a large band aid over my face.

"Good," I say.

"How long?" the officer asks.

"Long enough to finally say fuck it and leave his ass."

***

A few days pass. I'm staying at a hotel and paying by the day. I purchased a brand new phone and got a new number. I called my parents and told them what was going on. They were mad and sadden by the situation but are happy that I got out when could. I got word from my officer friend that the restraining order was delivered but he said that Diego didn't look happy.

A week passes and I am still staying at the hotel. Not many apartments won't rent to me until I'm legally separated from Diego. I meet with a lawyer to have divorce papers drawn up and served to him but according to her, once the papers were signed, it would take a few months for them to be filed.

"Now all we need to do is get you two in here to sing these?" the lady says.

"About that," I fold my hands. "I have a protection order and restraining order on him."

The lawyer nodded her head. "I see. Well, I will have someone deliver to him and see if he will sign them. Just be prepared," She reaches for my hand and takes it in hers. "Some men like him, they will stall this as much as they can to get you to meet in person."

I nod. "I understand, in that case, if I have to meet him, I will have someone I trust with me."

As predicted, a week later, the lawyer calls me ups and tells me that Diego refuses to sign. Says I'm having a mental breakdown and needs to just come home so we can work it out. The lawyer also mentions that Diego had said that I'm lying about him throwing things that it's all me and that he only hit me in self defense because according to him, I slapped him before he slapped me.

I sit back in my hotel room in hot anger. I can feel the steam of my anger coming off my skin. I'm angry he won't sign the papers. I'm angry he started to make up shit about me. But jokes on him, I kept a private album on my iCloud of all the times he hit me. It my friends idea, she encouraged me to document it all somewhere where he doesn't know the password to. She passed away about a year ago from getting hit by a drunk driver.

"I'm going to need a printer," I say looking at the countless pictures of abuse.

***

The next day I go out and purchase a decently priced printer. And a decent laptop since everything was on my phone. As i'm walking down the street back to my hotel, with my things, I find myself falling onto hands and knees. The printer box rolled a few feet from me. I hope it isn't damaged, I think slowly sitting back on my knees and just staring at it.

"Oh my goodness," a voice says. "I am so sorry."

I look up to see a man with a ragged hair, black sunglasses, a black t-shirt with a jean jacket over it, and dark skinny jeans reaching down to help me up to my feet. I take his hand and slowly get to my feet. I notice the scruff framing the rest of his face. The sun shines perfectly behind him and I can't help but feel drawn to him.

"I should have watched where I was going and make sure there wasn't a beautiful woman carrying a large object," the man says turning to pick up my printer. "Doesn't look damaged from the outside."

I smile and feel my face burning. I'm sure it's bright red. "It's okay, I should have called an Uber instead of walking three blocks. I'm sorry about your coffee." I gesture to the fallen cup and spilled contents on the sidewalk. "Let me buy a new one."

The man laughs and waves a free hand. "No need to waste your money on my accident."

"What can I do?" I ask after I made sure my laptop box was fine.

"How about you let me help you with this so another person doesn't run into you?"

Taking a deep breath, I accept the strangers offer. We walk the last block talking about the city. When we get to the hotel, this man offers to carry the printer all the way up to the room. Didn't even question if I was living there.

"Thank you for doing this," I tell him as he sets the box on the small table.

"Anything," he smiles. "And when you are ready to search for apartments I know of a few good ones."

I give a small smile. I guess it's obvious that I was living in the hotel. "Thanks," I watch as he walks himself to the door. "I did never get your name." I call after him.

"Misha," he smiles. "Collins."

***

A month goes by and I am no longer looking like a crazy person after submitting all my pictures to my lawyer. Still Diego refuses to sign the papers unless he can meet with me alone. Of course I say "fuck no."

"If you want to be rid of him forever, then you have to compromise," my lawyer tells me.So I makes plans for the inevitable. But I have my officer buddy tagging along with me to the meeting.

I stare at the divorce papers and I am praying Diego will sign them at our meeting. But I doubt it. Ever since I left him, I started to see the red flags. Even friends that I still have and that haven't been manipulated by Diego, have told me they saw the way he treated me and spoke to me.

I need fresh air.

I get out of the hotel and walk to the the nearest park. It has a lake right in the middle of it. I rest my arms on the railing and then drop my head on my arms. This is more stressful than when I planned a wedding with Diego. I'm closing a door on almost seven years of marriage.

Diego was never like this. Even when we dated for five years. He was always so sweet, so kind, understanding, etc. He would buy me flowers for no reason. My apartment would be covered in them and I would tell him that I would donate some to nursing homes just to make room. I don't know what snapped in Diego to make him the way he was now.

Sighing I look up and stare at the lake. There is a small flock of ducks swimming passed me. Their color feathers shine in the afternoon. It puts a smile on my face. Something that is hard for me to do lately with everything going on.

"I was wondering when that smile would come," a familiar voice makes me turn to my left. There, a few feet away from me, Misha stands. I haven't seen or spoken to him since he left my hotel after giving me his number.

A number I never called or texted.

I had too google him to see if I could find anything on him. Well, I found a crap ton on him. An actor who did a crap ton of good. He is loved by millions.

"How long have you been standing there?" I ask. Another smile creeping onto my face.

"Not long," he says walking closer to me. "Just long enough to see that frown turn upside down." He gives a small smile. "Are you still at that hotel?"

I chuckle. "I am, I haven't had the time to look at apartments. I've been preoccupied trying to get my soon to be ex-husband to sign divorce papers."

Misha leans up on the railing along side me and looks at the ducks. "Maybe he's holding out to want to try and work things out with you?"

I laugh. "No, he's abusive and isn't having it with me being in control of myself now. The night I left him, it was really bad. It took a while for the mark he left on me to go away. Then he tried to convince my lawyer that I was having a mental breakdown."

"I'm sorry," Misha pulls back from the railing and pulls out his wallet and shows me a penny. "Here's to him signing the papers so you can officially be free of him." He tosses the penny into the water. "Are you doing anything, tomorrow?" He asks.

"Besides meeting Diego to get him to sign papers? No." I answer twiddling my thumbs.

"How about after you meet with him, I take you to look at apartments?" He leans towards me with a smile. "I can get you a really good deal. I'll even drive, so we don't have to walk."

"Sure."

***

"He's late," Xander says stirring his now cold coffee. Xander is the officer that helped me the night after I left Diego. Xander was also the one who helped set me up at the hotel I'm staying at. Xander's wife, was a domestic violence victim and he was the officer that pulled his ex husband off her. They didn't get hook up until a year later when they ran into each other. They have been married for almost ten years with two kids.

"Just give it a few minutes," I say contemplating buying another coffee eying the divorce papers on the table.

Five minutes later, Diego waltz into the Starbucks and spots us. A smile spreads across his face when he sees me. Then it instantly fades when he sees Xander. He crosses the little shop in a few short strides. His black shoes squeaking from the rain outside.

"So," he sits down and crosses his arms. "Is this who you left me for? Some wanna a be body builder."

Xander smirks. "No, I'm actually a police officer. Since YN here has a few orders drawn up on you it's best that she have the right protection. Even in a public place." I notice that as Xander leans over he has his badge in his hands.

Diego looks over to me. "Can' you stop being so dramatic about this? So that we can just do this alone"

"Not ever going to happen," I say firmly. "And I'm not dramatic. Not about you hitting me."

The look in Diego's eye's grows dark but he puts on a fake smile. "I would never hurt you," He looks around as a few people over heard what I said. "I can't believe you're still on that."

"Look," Xander leans back and pushes the papers towards Diego. "All YN needs you to do is sign these. This game you're trying to play, just keeps hurting her."

Diego stares at Xander. "I don't think I will." He pushes the papers back and starts to get up. "Until next time."

"You're just going string this along aren't you?" I stood up so fast that Xander's coffee spilled. "I don't want to be married to you anymore. I stopped wanting that when you threw the first book and kicked a hole in the wall. I stopped when you hit me. I just let it go on for so long that I forgot how to not walk on eggshells. You don't own me. I don't love you. So sign the fucking papers."

Diego stares at me. I hadn't realized, but I pretty much yelled. I gather my bag and make my way out. Xander follows me.

"Hey," He hands me the papers. "Do you need me tot drive you back?"

"No, a friend is picking me up," I pull my phone out and text Misha. "He should be meeting me in a few minutes. He's taking me to look at apartments."

***

Another month goes by and I'm moved into my new apartment. All thanks to Misha and his ways of persuasion. I got the first six months half off. It was a nice little one bedroom apartment with a little den. Misha even convinced me to let him buy the furniture sets I had my eye one in a catalog.

"I'm just use to working hard for stuff like this," I say when the last of the movers move the stuff in. "I literally don't know how to thank you. Even just saying 'thank you' doesn't seem to be enough."

Misha laughs. The laugh takes up his entire body. "Just a simple thank you would be enough. Unless you want me to come up with a way to convince you to let me take you out to dinner. As friends of course."

I feel my cheeks start to burn. This dude is smooth. "Okay, dinner, as friends, it is."

Misha smiles big. "Awesome, now lets get this place looking as good as you."

For the next two days, Misha is over helping me settle down in my apartment. Whenever he leaves for food or whatnot, he always comes back with something to add to the place. I didn't even argue once.

The time I spent with Misha, he always hyped me up for stuff, he said things how it was and never ever sugar coated things, he held doors open, and gave me words of encouragement whenever I told him that Diego, again, refused to sign papers over.

Diego not signing papers was frustrating. The more time I spent with or talking to Misha, the more my feelings for him grew. But I was still tied to the asshole of a man who knew what he was doing. He knew of my interactions with Misha, he always brought it up but I would shut it down.

"He's just using you for public gain," Diego would tell me. But I knew Misha pretty well at this point. Things I've read on Twitter about him, Misha would never use someone like that.

Each meeting I had with Diego, I started to see him for who he really was. I don't even know how I fell in love with him. He's even gotten his parents convinced that I'm a lunatic. His mom would text me calling me all sorts of names and telling me that I should be the one paying for Diegos therapy sessions. She would also tell me that she knew I was trouble when he brought me home to meet them. His father wanted me to pay back every dime he had spent on mine and Diegos wedding or he would get a lawyer involved. He would even send disturbing texts saying that he's got people watching me and that I should be be careful.

I won't lie, that scared the shit out of me.

That last one pissed Misha off. I have never seen him go off about someone before. After that text, I went out and put restraining orders on Diegos parents and Misha convinced me to have someone look after me while he was gone for his show. I agreed and my new 'bodyguard' went with me everywhere and made sure I got home safe. Misha even hired a security company to set up an alarm system at my apartment.

If I didn't know better, Misha was or has developed some kind of feelings for me.

***

A year after I made my escape from Diego, I finally have my own car. Paid for all on my own. So no more walking. I park my car in my apartment parking spot and pull out my phone. I see the text from Misha, it's from an hour ago. His flight is delayed and that he would see me at some point tomorrow.

"Bummer," I lay back and watch as George, the bodyguard, pull his car into the parking spot behind me. I unbuckle and get out and watch as George do the same. Before I could get a word out, I see two police cars come up and two officers run passed me.

I slowly turn around and watch them run up to my level. My heart beats fast and I follow them. George, of course follows as well. I skip the steps two at a time and watch as one officer kicks my down. I hear yelling and banging around. Suddenly, George has both his hand on my shoulder and pulling me back as an officer finally come out.

With Diego in handcuffs. His nose is bleeding and a bruise is already forming on his face.

I pull away from George and run into my apartment. There standing in the middle of the room was the other officer talking to Misha. Misha has a busted lip and small gash on the side of his head. I notice that the glass bowl that Misha got me was in pieces and the coffee table was destroyed.

Misha sees me and I rush over to him. "Oh my gosh," I take hold of his face. "Are you okay?"

"Are you the lady who lives here?" the officer asks.

"Yes, and this is my friend," I don't my eyes off Misha.

"And the gentleman we arrested?"

"That's no gentleman," my voice is hard. "That is my abusive soon-to-be ex-husband. He has a restraining order on him."

The officer puts her note pad away. "That will explain a lot. We will contact you if we need anything else." With that, the officer left.

"Everything is all good?" Georges voice makes me turn around.

"Everything is good, George," Misha says. "You can go."

After George leaves I turn back to Misha. "You said you're flight had been delayed. What happened?"

Misha leads us to the couch and we sit down. "I only said that so I can surprise you. I hadn't been here for even an hour before he broke in. He wanted to know where you were and I wouldn't tell him. I guess a neighbor called 911 due to the yelling and stuff. Officer saw my stuff and I said my friend lives here and is letting me stay with her."

I nod my head. "I'm just happy you're okay. I don't know how Diego found me."

"It doesn't matter," Misha takes my hand. "He will answer for it in court.

And Misha was right. A week after everything went down, Diego was charged with breaking and entering, assault, and basically breaking the restraining order by stalking. I sat in during the hearing with Misha. Diego's parents tried to fight the five year sentence but the Judge said that if they said anything else before court ended he would double it without parole.

A few weeks after that, I am getting dinner ready when Misha shows up. He had been showing up a lot lately. I don't mind it at all, Misha makes me feel sane and safe.

"Hey," Misha says setting his coat on the couch. "I see that new coffee table came."

"It did, thanks to you," I say pulling a second plate down. I've learned to make a bit extra whenever Misha came over. "Also, I have some good news." I point to the orange envelope on the table. Misha looks at it and then back at me.

"Did," he starts to say.

"He sign it?" I finish his question. "Yeah, he called saying he will sign it. So I dropped by and had them take the paper to him to sign. I wasn't going to see him. They brought it back all signed. I am mailing in the morning."

"That's amazing, YN," Misha comes up to me and hugs me.

"Well, let's celebrate with dinner."

After dinner, after we clean up, we are sitting on the couch. Talking about whatever came to mind. We are talking about things we are still embarrassed by when Misha takes my hand.

"YN," He says softly. "I want to tell you something."

"Sure," I put my free hand on over his.

"I...I really care about you and I am glad that it was me here and not you when Diego broke in," Mishas voice is soft still. "I honestly don't know what I would do if you were here and he hurt you. All I ever wanted was for you to be safe."

"And I am," I slowly rub his hand with my thumb.

We stare at each other for what feels like forever when Misha pulls his hands from mine and put them on my face. His eyes look search mine for permission but I lean closer to him and brush my lips over his. He closes his eyes and I feel the shiver run through his body.

His gentle grip on my face forces my face back to his where his lips wait. They're smooth and there's a lot of passion behind his kiss. My hands run up to his collar as I move closer to him. The kiss deeps and Mishas hands trail down my sides to my hips where he pulls me onto his lap. It makes it easier for my tongue to push pass his lips and into his mouth.

Without breaking the kiss and with a low growl, Misha stands up, both arms supporting me as he walks us to the bedroom. Kicking the door shut.

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smooshjames · 4 years

Text

forget you not (iii)

uh-oh, uh-oh, here i go again (or: interviews and old friends)

word count: just under 4k

a/n: part 3 of forget you not! i was gonna post this yesterday and then i totally forgot, but it’s here now! once again, the band in this story is based on little mix and i didn’t write any of the songs referenced (this chapter’s songs can be found here, here, here, and here). at the risk of sounding annoying, i have a ko-fi if you’d like to donate, but don’t feel obligated to do so!! if you can’t or don’t want to that’s totally fine, thank you for taking the time to read my work regardless of if you can spend money on it or not. i hope you enjoy!!

warnings: angst (again)

previous parts: one, two

Sunday morning brought with it more Twitter notifications than you’d gotten in a long time. Your alarm went off obscenely early yet again; you had a full day ahead of you. The band was recording a new single which would be released sometime later in the year (the date was still up in the air) and you had decided to do it while you were in LA since you could work with a few producers that you’d never met before.

So, at five o’clock in the morning, you rolled over in your hotel bed and groped around on your nightstand for your phone. You shot upright when you saw how many notifications you had, a bolt of panic going through you at first. What the hell could’ve happened to result in so much activity?

You scrolled through a couple of your mentions before you got to a tweet from some gossip site. There was a photo of you from the concert the night before, probably taken by a fan if the quality was anything to go by. You were mid-note, your mouth open around a word, and it was pretty obvious that you were crying. The tweet read: “‘You never brought me flowers’! Y/N Y/L/N tears up while singing her band’s hit song Towers. Could there be a mystery man that caused her to get so emotional on stage…?”

Carly mumbled a good morning from the bed next to yours. You didn’t reply. You barely even noticed her leaving the main area of the room and heading into the bathroom; you were too busy looking through the replies to the tweet. They were all pretty tame, but you still felt a pit opening up in your stomach. You didn’t have any press that day since you were recording the new single, but the next day was chock-full of interviews and other promotional shit. Your Twitter feed was showing no signs of slowing down, and you really didn't want to have to explain to some random interviewer that you'd been crying because you still weren't over a breakup from five years ago.

“Everything okay?” Carly asked. You looked up, startled, and realized that she had come back from the bathroom. “You seem… distraught.”

You beckoned her over to your bed and showed her the original tweet from the gossip site. Carly gasped and took your phone from you, beginning to scroll through the replies. “Jesus,” she said. “This’ll be a shitstorm.”

“I know,” you replied. You glanced over at the clock on the nightstand and sighed; you needed to get up and ready for the day. Carly gave your phone back to you.

You muted your Twitter notifications for the time being, not wanting to be distracted while you were recording the new single. If an interviewer brought it up you’d just find a way to gloss over it.

You shuffled into the bathroom and did your usual morning routine. You decided to forego makeup for the day since you’d just be sitting around a studio all day, anyway. You dressed in comfortable clothes for the same reason. You figured it would be a little bit hard to focus on recording if you were in heels or tight jeans or something similarly uncomfortable, and you wanted to save your remaining nice clothes for the following day, anyway. Sweatpants and an old t-shirt it was.

Once you were dressed and somewhat ready to face the world, you and Carly grabbed your bags and went out into the hallway. Alexis and Piper were still in their room next door, but they let you and Carly in so that you could all sit and talk while they finished getting ready. Once you were all good to go, you met up with Michelle in the lobby and got into the car that would take you to the studio.

It was a pretty cool space; chill, with couches and chairs spread out around the mixing board where the producers would work their magic. You met the audio engineers as you were walking in, and everyone shook hands and went in to get to work. They seemed nice, and they definitely had a lot of cool ideas for what might enhance the song’s sound. You and the rest of the band had already worked out the lyrics and a basic melody, but the recording technicians had some ideas to really make the song pop.

The day passed in a blur of singing and listening and revising, and then repeating the process all over again. By the time you left, the sun was touching the western horizon and the song was almost finished; just a few final edits before it would be perfect and ready for release. “We’ll get it to Michelle in the next couple of days,” one of the producers said.

You were exhausted as you collapsed back into your hotel bed, but it was a good sort of exhaustion; the kind of sated tiredness that comes with a good day’s work.

You were flying so high, in fact, that you’d almost forgotten about all the Shayne drama. You fell asleep with a slight smile on your face, and your sleep was peaceful and dreamless.

***

That pleasant warmth of a job well done was ripped from you almost as soon as the next day began. Your first interview was with a local radio station, and it went alright for about five minutes; you exchanged pleasantries with the hosts, Joe and Maggie, and sat down between Carly and Alexis for your interview.

The hosts did their intro, introduced the band, and explained that you were currently in LA on the west coast branch of your current tour. Once that was done and the band had all said hello, Maggie turned to you, and the smile she flashed you was… strangely apologetic.

And then you remembered. Shayne, Towers, crying onstage. That apologetic smile hit you so fast it practically gave you whiplash.

“So, ladies,” Maggie said. “There was some interesting news about your concert on Saturday. You guys sang your song Towers -- beautiful song, by the way -- and Y/N… there were a couple of tears there, huh? Anything you can tell us about that? Is everything okay?”

From beside you, Carly opened her mouth, probably to say that you didn’t want to talk about it, but you stopped her with a hand on her arm. Her willingness to defend you meant a lot, but if you didn’t address it, it would just keep getting brought up. At least if you answered this you could do some damage control. “Yeah,” you said. “Um, I actually lived in LA for a while before meeting these lovely ladies and starting up the band with them. And while I was here, I was in a pretty serious relationship with a guy -- I won’t say his name for privacy’s sake -- and we broke up. I guess being back in LA and singing that song just… brought back some memories. But that was all; no new mystery man or anything like that, I’m afraid.”

There, that was a good enough answer. It held enough of the truth that you felt confident they wouldn’t press you for any more information, but you hadn’t told them the exact real reason. They didn’t know he was in the room, and they didn’t know who he was.

Maggie smiled and nodded, and Joe asked another question about the band that was unrelated to your love life, which brought a wave of relief sweeping over you. You smiled and laughed through the rest of the interview, chiming in with answers whenever it felt appropriate, and then said your goodbyes as the hosts transitioned into the next song

All things considered, that hadn’t been so bad.

Once you were out of the radio station headquarters and into your car, Michelle got back to business. “Alright, next up… another interview which won’t be broadcasted live. You guys are performing Think About Us while you’re there. Then we have an hour for lunch. After lunch, you’ll film a video with Smosh, and then another radio interview after that, and then you’re free for the day. Assuming everything goes to plan.”

You nodded and settled into easy conversation with the girls during the car ride to your next venue. You were pretty excited to film with Smosh; you hadn’t seen any of their recent stuff, but you were familiar with them in that you had heard of them and you knew they primarily made comedic content. You figured that would probably mean it would be a fun time to film there.

The next interview went just fine, and the performance went even better. For lunch, you and the rest of the team got food at a cute little bistro near Smosh’s offices.

When you arrived after your lunch break you were greeted by Ian Hecox, the president of the company. He was super friendly, greeting you all with handshakes and a warm smile. Once you’d all been introduced he began to lead you through the office space, explaining that you’d be recording an episode of their ongoing Try Not to Laugh series. As he launched into an explanation of the rules, a hand on your shoulder made you tense and whip around, surprised. This brought you face to face with…

“Damien?”

Your eyes widened almost comically as you saw the man standing before you. He looked a little different since you’d seen him last; his hair was longer and streaked with blue, and he carried himself a little taller, a little prouder. But he still had that same boyish smile, those same brown eyes. He was still Damien, and he was here.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said.

You laughed, shocked and joyful, and threw your arms around his shoulders, practically launching yourself onto him. He hugged you back tightly. When you pulled back, you punched him jovially on the arm.

“It’s so good to see you!” you said, a little breathless. “What are you doing here?

“I work here. I’ll actually be filming with you guys this afternoon,” he replied

“No way, that’s crazy!” You leaned back and perched your hands on his hips, surveying him, half disbelieving.

He nodded and opened his mouth to speak again, but Ian’s voice interrupted your reunion. “You two, uh… you two know each other?”

“Yeah,” you said, glancing over your shoulder. “I knew Damien… God, ages ago. We were really good friends.”

Carly’s eyes now widened in recognition. She smiled at Damien and raised her hand in greeting to him.

“Hey, Carly,” he said. He put his hand on your forearm and you turned back to face him again. The look on his face made your smile fade a little bit; he seemed nervous and a little sad. “Y/N, I should warn you --”

“Holy shit!” another voice interrupted you two, this one distinctively female. And also… strangely familiar. You turned toward the source and what you saw felt like two consecutive throat punches.

Courtney, Shayne’s new girlfriend, was standing across the room. She seemed to have just entered, and judging from the wide-eyed look on her face, she was just as surprised as you were. Standing directly next to her, staring at the floor by your feet… was Shayne himself.

You heard Damien mutter something under his breath, but your brain didn’t fully process what he said. You were too busy looking at Courtney and Shayne and wondering why the hell they were here. Before you could say anything, though, Ian stepped forward.

“Sweet, we’re all here,” he said. “Y/N, Alexis, Piper, Carly, this is Shayne and Courtney. Shayne’s gonna be filming with you guys this afternoon --” of course he was “-- and Courtney is --”

“Your biggest fan!” the girl interrupted him, and even despite the resentment you couldn't help feeling toward her, you had to admit that she was really sweet. She seemed like someone you might be really good friends with were it not for the fact that she was dating your ex, which made you feel even worse; she hadn’t done anything to deserve your hatred, but here you were hating her anyway. “You probably don’t remember, but I was at the concert on Saturday. It was super good, you guys crushed it.”

“I remember,” you said, because you didn’t know when to shut up. Courtney’s jaw dropped onto the floor. “Yeah, I remember. You guys came together, didn’t you?”

The accusation was clear, at least to those in the know; Carly went pale, Piper inhaled sharply, Alexis started coughing, Damien shuffled his feet nervously, and Shayne opened his mouth to speak. Before he could say whatever he wanted to, though, he seemed to think better of it and closed his mouth again.

Courtney didn’t seem to pick up on anything unusual, though, because she just nodded happily and went on talking.

“Yeah, we did!” she said, slinging her arm around Shayne’s shoulders. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve said that he stiffened as she pulled him into her side. His face tightened into a grimace, but you couldn't possibly imagine why. It was obvious that they were together. He didn’t need to hide that for your sake. “I was so fucking pumped when you guys sang Towers, you don’t even understand. That’s one of my favorite songs by you guys and you crushed it, especially you Y/N. Your part always hits a little different for me.”

Yeah, you and me both, you thought. But you smiled and nodded happily. “I’m glad you liked it!” you said. You turned back to the band and made eye contact with Michelle. She raised an eyebrow. You inclined your head just slightly toward Ian. She nodded; she knew what you needed.

“I hate to interrupt,” she said, “but we should probably get this show on the road. The girls have got a packed schedule today.”

“Of course!” Ian said. “Courtney, maybe you can harass them more if they have time when we’re done filming. But for now, Shayne, Damien, ladies, follow me.”

You hurried to catch up to the rest of the band. Carly and Alexis fell into step with you while Piper started walking behind you, obviously trying to shield you from Shayne’s gaze. You had another moment of profound gratitude for these girls; they took care of you when no one else would, they loved you when you couldn’t love yourself, and they always seemed to know what you needed without having to ask. That shared strength and love was one of the reasons the band had stayed together for so long.

Impressively enough, you managed to keep your shit together until you got to Carly’s. You didn’t bother texting her to let her know that you were coming. She’d let you in if she was home, and if she wasn't home, you knew her building code and where she kept her spare key.

Luckily, she was home; she let you up to her apartment without question.

Only once you’d crossed the threshold of your best friend’s apartment did you allow yourself to cry. You crumpled like a piece of paper against her and let out a sob so loud it bordered on a scream. Carly maneuvered you back onto her couch, sat down with you, and held you until you could talk. You were still crying when you pulled away from her, but you’d gotten out the full-body sobs.

“Honey, what happened?” Carly asked. You could hear the concern in her voice; it was rare that you showed up at her place unannounced, and even rarer that you started the visit by scream-crying into her shirt. She probably thought somebody was dead.

“Shayne got home from work and ended things,” you said. “Just… no warning, no ceremony, nothing. Three days ago he asked me my fucking ring size and today he told me that we aren’t working anymore. And I don’t understand because I thought he was happy! I thought we were good! I thought that we’d be fucking picking a date for our wedding, not for when I’m gonna come move out the rest of my shit!”

Before Carly could respond, your phone vibrated. You took it out and couldn’t help your tearful, almost-manic laugh at what you saw there; a text from Shayne, apologizing, asking if you would come home and talk. You went to reply, but Carly grabbed your phone and held it away from you before you could.

“Hey!” you exclaimed, lunging for your phone. She was an expert at keep-away, though, and you couldn’t even get close. You cursed yourself for all the nights out where you asked her to keep your phone away from you if you got too drunk. “Carly, give me my phone!”

“Promise me you won’t text him back and you can have it,” she said.

“That’s ridiculous! Of course I’m gonna text him back!”

“Is that a good idea?” she asked. She cocked an eyebrow. “If you can honestly tell me that you think it’s a good idea for you to say anything to him right now, I’ll give you your phone back.”

That knocked some sense into you. Immediately, the fight left your body and you sat back on the couch. She studied you for a moment and then leaned forward to set the phone on the coffee table. When you didn’t go for it, she relaxed and leaned back.

“Sorry,” you said. “I’m all over the place.”

“I know. It’s okay. That’s what I’m here for, right? Now, walk me through what happened.”

“He came home and he was being weird, and he was like ‘hey can we talk’ and then he basically just said that it isn’t working anymore and that he can’t be with me. He didn’t give me a reason besides that and I didn’t ask him for one. I just packed a bag and came here.”

Carly nodded, considering. “That’s really fucking weird.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long,” you said. At her shocked expression, you shrugged. “I’ve always said that he’s out of my league, right? It was only a matter of time before he got tired of me and realized he could do better. He probably realized that if we got married, he’d have a hell of a harder time getting away from me.”

“Were it not for the state of emotional peril you’re in right now, I would slap you,” Carly said. You let out a startled laugh; of all the things she could've said, you weren't expecting that. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say, and I’ve known you for a long time. If that was true -- which it isn’t, by the way, you’re the sexiest, most beautiful, smartest, funniest, greatest person I know -- it wouldn’t have taken him three years to ‘get bored.’ This is one of the dumber stunts he’s pulled, which is saying something. But this isn’t your fault. He’s the asshole here, regardless of his reasoning. If you want to talk to him and try to work things out, that’s your business. But whether or not things work out, this will always be on him. And I’ll be here every step of the way, buttercup.”

You nodded gratefully, even though you didn't believe her. You’d never been good enough for Shayne. This was always inevitable. Still, you put on a brave face for Carly. Better she didn’t know what you were really thinking. “You’re right,” you said. “Thanks, Carly.”

You could tell from the look on her face that she didn’t completely believe you, which wasn’t surprising. Carly always knew when you were lying. But she also knew when to let an issue lie. “Good,” she said. “Now, Bridesmaids or Legally Blonde?”

Ian led the group to a colorful sound stage. To the right was a partition, and behind it a bunch of strange props and costume pieces. To the left was a single stool, a piano, and some bongos.

The room was swarming with activity as crew people moved around getting everything set up and ready to go. Shayne and Damien led you over to the set. “Y/N, why don’t you sit in the stool for the intro?” Shayne said, the first words he’d said to you since you had broken up. His voice was professional and upbeat, betraying almost no emotion. “And then I’ll stand to your right, Damien will be behind me, and the rest of the band can be to your left.”

“Sounds fine to me,” you said, and you hoped your voice sounded less forced to him than it did to you. You sat on the stool, glad to be off your feet; your balance was suddenly fucked now that Shayne was next to you, and you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself upright if you tried to stand for much longer.

Shayne went to go check something with a cameraperson, and the girls formed another huddle around you. Carly stood right in front of you, Piper to your immediate left, and Alexis just behind you. “Are you alright?” Carly asked.

“I’m sorry,” Damien said, cutting into the conversation before you could even think about how to answer Carly’s question. He was standing to your right, though he was a little farther away than your bandmates were. “I wanted to let you know before you saw him. I thought maybe it would be easier that way.”

“It’s okay, Dames. It’s not your fault,” you said. You reached over to squeeze his bicep, hoping to ease his mind a little bit, but the guilt didn’t leave his face.

“How did you know we would be here today?” Carly asked. You gave her a stern look, but she either didn’t see it or just didn’t care.

Damien fidgeted, nervous. You didn’t blame him; Carly was a force of nature when she wanted to be. “Um,” he said, “what do you mean?

“I mean that you had enough foresight to know that you could surprise Y/N and warn her about Shayne. So you knew we would be here.”

“We get a filming schedule at the beginning of the week,” Damien said. You looked at Carly as if to say There, see? A perfectly good reason. Now back off and let the poor boy breathe. But then Damien continued: “and Shayne told me about seeing Y/N on Saturday, so --”

He cut himself off, clamping his mouth shut as he seemed to realize what he’d said. Your gaze flew from Carly to Damien. For a moment, you felt thoroughly like a middle schooler; the he-said-she-said was something you thought would get left in sixth grade, but here you were nonetheless. Still, you couldn’t help the way your heart rate accelerated at Damien’s words. If Shayne had mentioned you specifically…

“What?” you asked.

You didn’t want to get your hopes up. You couldn’t get your hopes up. Shayne mentioning you didn’t mean anything. Besides, he had a new girlfriend now, anyway. He’d probably just done it since you and Damien were friends before shit hit the fan.

Damien didn’t get the chance to answer your question before Shayne returned from his conversation with the cameraperson. You were pretty sure he knew that you guys had been talking about him; it was pretty obvious by the way the conversation stopped short as soon as he got within earshot. But if he knew, he didn’t comment on it. He just walked over and took his place next to you.

Carly flashed him a look colder than the south pole and moved to stand on your other side, and then she plastered the brightest smile you’d ever seen on her face. You did the same.

“Alright, everybody ready?” one of the crew people asked. You nodded your assent. “Three, two, and… action!”

#shayne topp x reader #shayne topp #eliza.txt #forget you not

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abbysroad · 4 years

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a contribution to the discourse, or: five years in new york

I’ve drafted this post six (6) times in the last four months, and every time, I tell myself that no one wants to hear it and I stow the words away. But fuck it, this is my blog, and I’ll write about what I want.

I realized, in July, when I rented a car and drove to the Catskills with my boyfriend, that I hadn’t left the city of New York since December 2019. Even though I’m not from here, and I’m always welcome at my parents’ house in Massachusetts, I didn’t leave the city in April, stayed in my apartment and listened to the ambulances screaming all the way to Wyckoff, started trying to count them but lost track every day. I didn’t leave because I couldn’t risk unwittingly spreading the virus to my parents, and I didn’t care to take a bus or train to get there. And what would I do there, anyway? I pay rent here, vote here, pick up prescriptions from the pharmacy here, and, until some fuzzy recent moment, considered this my home.

Early on in the pandemic, it became fashionable among the New York media Twitter circle I inhabit to make fun of those who fled—to parents’ houses, to upstate cottages, to anywhere where birdsong could substitute the sirens. But really, how could you blame the ones who left? I keep thinking about this tweet that says, “The cleavage is not ‘people who leave nyc / people who stay in nyc,’ it’s ‘people who see the city as a place of [cultural] consumption / people who see the city as a place of lived struggle.’” Allow me to be flip: Isn’t every place a place of lived struggle, barring, like, the Hamptons? Life’s a struggle, and we’re living it.

Let me show you something I wrote in my notes app on October 3, 2019 at 7:11 p.m, as I rode home from work on the L train, euphoric:

From the south side of Union Square, in the yellow dusk streetlight, I spy the creepy clock and my freshman year dorm. I’ve learned that it’s ok to start a story with a time and a place, that not all meaning grows from abstraction.

A year ago I slammed a door because my boyfriend came home in a surly mood and didn’t notice the lobsters I’d left crawling on the counter. Today I bought two more and ordered him to pick up a bottle of wine. I walked from Bryant Park to Union Square and bought Trick Mirror at the Strand. I entered the subway with insufficient fare, waited for the emergency door to swing open as it always does, and, with four other women, scurried through.

The subway rushes me to the home I have created, to the cabinets full of potatoes and rice and canned chicken stock, the refrigerator with butter, milk, eggs; the dull tip of the record player needle; the box of books in disarray. The rags ripped from sheets I’ve lain and loved in, that I use to scrub the bathtub and to wipe the counter clean. The pot I’ll boil the lobsters in, stolen from my parents’ house, which teems with things much the same.

And I know that if I needed to, I could start all over again. There’s no knowing if the world I built in four years will last a lifetime. Tonight, it doesn’t matter.

I couldn’t tell you what I was wearing that day, or how the lobster tasted, and the year-ago argument, now two years past, is a smudge in my memory. Sometime before it got hot out, but after things were bad, so April or May, I forgot my ATM PIN completely—the PIN I used to use every time I bought groceries or refilled my MetroCard—and had to have the bank send me the code in the mail. We’re going through a collective break from reality where our former selves are ghosts. All that sentimental bullshit now tastes funny in my mouth.

Disillusionment, I’ve decided, is realizing that the barista who used to give you free coffee once a week only memorized your name so she wouldn’t have to ask you every time you bought a bagel. That the optician, who remembers your name because his daughter is an Abigail too, is really just some schmuck who drives a car to work and dumps his trash on the sidewalk on the wrong day of the week. That you’ve bought all your acquaintances. That you could buy them anywhere—for less.

The tl;dr is that I’m moving to Denver at the end of the month, and we’ll have a big apartment with two bedrooms and we’ll be close to the mountains and we won’t know anyone. I work remotely. There’s nothing keeping me here. I love New York dearly. But you know how the old saw goes, about if you love something...

#writing #nyc #denver #becoming what i hate #one who flees #to another city at least #it's not because new york is becoming quote unquote crime infested #it's about trying something new

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always5hineee · 4 years

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Profit Margin- Chapter 2: Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Chapter warnings: Mild language

Word count: 1506

Full list of chapters can be found on the Profit Margin tab on my page, as well as on Quotev and Wattpad under Taffysamg.

-----

Y/N woke up in a panic. It took her a few moments to realize what was going on. The last thing she remembered was getting blindfolded and grabbed by some strange group of people- at least two men, if she recalled correctly. The taste of the drug was still stale on her tongue, matched only by whatever cloth was tied around her face to force her teeth apart. How long had she been out? Where was she now? She couldn't see a thing- was she still blindfolded?

Trying to reach her hands up to clear her face, she realized that she was tied to something. Her arms were at an uncomfortable angle to the sides, slightly skewn back. Her legs were in a similar predicament, each tied to the leg of what she could only assume was a chair. She struggled for a moment against the restraints, but quickly realized that they weren't anywhere near coming off. Whoever had tied her up must have been good at it.

"Ohh, I think the little lady is waking up!" Someone said, sending a shiver up her spine. There were other people here? Were these the men who had assaulted her? How long had they been watching? She wanted to ask who was there, but the binding in her mouth was keeping her from doing so.

She had known the risks of human trafficking in areas like this one, especially at large events and venues, but she had never really thought it would happen to her. After all, she was too old to be a child, and she wasn't really all that interesting of a person. Although it was partially her own fault for walking around on her own... Her heart was pounding and her breathing was labored. She was practically going into shock. It didn't help when a blinding light filled her gaze- the covering had been taken off her head.

It took more than a moment for her eyes to adjust. As it turned out, the room she was in wasn't bright. It was simply a white ring light that was aimed directly at her face. The little bit of the walls that she could see were dark and dirty, potentially cinderblock or concrete. While she could see a few silhouettes, the light was keeping her from noticing any distinct features.

"Wow, not bad." The voice that had spoken before piped up again. "The mascara tracks really make the look." Mascara... she hadn't even realized she had been crying until he said that. Her makeup must have been running if he noticed.

"Stop messing around. We need to check her details and get her out." A second voice. Was this the other man who had kidnapped her?

"What's your name, sweetheart?" She tried to make a noise in response. It wasn't an answer to his question, though, but rather an attempt at a scream. Of course, not much made it through. "Oh! Right, I forgot. Silly me!" A hand came into the light, reaching towards her face. It was clearly a leaner man, wearing a dark blue blazer- a suit, maybe? Regardless, she didn't want him touching her. She attempted to lean away as he reached for her gag.

"Now, now, don't be like that." This man who kept speaking- the most talkative out of the two- he seemed... familiar. Something about the pitch resonated with her, but the tone was different. With nowhere to run, she eventually ran out of room to lean, leaving her still enough that he could rip it off of her face. Gasping for air, she felt the saliva that had gathered in the corners of her mouth slide down her chin. Well, she must have looked like a regular disaster.

"Alright, let's try this again."

"What's your name?" The second man said, surprising her slightly. She hadn't expected him to be concerned.

"Come on, hun, we don't have all day." The first said again.

"Y-Y/N..." She responded shakily.

"Ah, Y/N..." The man continued. "You see, we're in a bit of a bind. We were supposed to get more than a few little pretties to take with us tonight. Unfortunately, you took so fucking long cleaning yourself up that you actually put us way off schedule. That could put us out a lot of money."

"M-money?"

"Yeah, I'd say we make anywhere between twenty to fifty thousand a person. Especially with pretty young girls always coming to our concerts and all." Our... our concerts? Were these people working with WayV? So this wasn't just an isolated incident or a planned target- they moved with the band? Did the managers know? Were the members in danger? Why would-

"Anyway, if we only come home with one, Kun is gonna be disappointed." She froze. Her heartbeat stopped, breath stilled, eyes stopped darting around for a second. What... what?

"Careful, you'll send her into shock." Another voice laughed. It was less crazy than the first voice, but not as calm as the second. Another man? Her stomach dropped as she started to realize why these voices sounded so familiar. No, that couldn't be right. It couldn't. The logistics just didn't work. They had mentioned Kun's name to mess with her- that was it.

"No..." She said out loud as she thought through it. It couldn't be true. It. Wasn't. True.

"Aww, look, she's sad that her heroes have her tied up in a basement!" The first one laughed. "Honestly, I'd think most fans were into this kind of thing! What with all the creepy shit you post on Twitter..." Looking to the voice with the snap of her head, she tried to catch a good luck. Surely, there would be some strange, fifty year old man back there, right?

"She still doesn't believe us." The third said, a hint of amusement in his voice. Then, in one swift motion, the ring light turned so that it was facing up, pointed directly underneath a man's face, much like a child telling a ghost story.

"Boo!" She involuntarily yelped at the sudden sight, sending the boy into a fit of laughter. The lighting was strange, but... The shape of his jawline, the curvature of his lips, the slender nature of his face- it was unmistakable.

Hendery.

The same Hendery who had been on stage in front of her not long ago.

The one who had beamed out over the audience with an innocent smile. Was he looking for victims even then? And how many of the members were involved? He had already mentioned Kun, but which ones were in the room with her now?

"See, normally I'd let Xiaojun handle these matters." Now Xiaojun was involved as well? "But I just had to see the little brat that cost us our haul, hm?" He reoriented the light, stepping completely into it so that he was fully in view. He was in a different outfit than he had been wearing on stage- it was more discreet.

"I can't wait to make up for that with all the fun we're going to have before we sell you."

"Forget it, stop playing with her. We should move out while we're not on a time crunch."

"M-move?" She asked, immediately regretting bringing any sort of attention to herself. Still, she was confused. Hadn't they moved her here to begin with?

"Yeah, sweetheart, move. See, we're underneath the arena right now- not that you can tell with this light in your face. We can't just have you touring with us, now can we? So, we're gonna take you home. Obviously you're not allowed on the bus, so we'll have Xiaojun and YangYang escort you in an auxiliary vehicle. I'm sure you understand- cargo, and all." Kneeling down on one leg, he reached for the strap binding her right wrist.

"Are you sure that's-" The quieter man started to say from the dark. Before he had even finished, Y/N had done what he was warning against simply out of instinct- she slapped Hendery in the face. Head tilted awkwardly, he glared back up at her.

"You wanna play those games? That's fine, we'll just knock you out again. Can't promise you'll make it out in such good shape, this time, though." Eyes widening, she shook her head.

"N-no, no, it was an accident- I-it won't happen again, I promise, I-"

"Really, now?" He stood back up, grabbing her jaw and making eye contact with her. "Can I get an apology, then?"

"S... s-"

"I'm waiting." His grip tightened painfully.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"H-hitting you."

"Good." He let go. "What kind of reputation would I have if I let some bitch bat me around, huh?" He began undoing the rest of her restraints. He was nothing like the Hendery she knew. This man was insane- and who else knew? Were their managers even aware? Why do all of this for money when they were clearly already loaded?

What was going to happen to her?

Go to Chapter 3

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marvinhasadhd · 4 years

Text

Okay, so I got my prescription about two weeks ago and since then I have already tried Ritalin a few times.

I started with half a pill (so 5mg) and didn’t feel anything. My doctor advised me to do my next attempt on the next day, but I am chronically bad at listening to medical professionals, so I tried a whole pill (or 10mg) on the afternoon of the same day I tried the first one.

I decided to take it, because our work had been cancelled (I currently work as a security at events which are hosted by our city) and so someone had to wait until the security who worked the night shift arrived. I really need the money, so I volunteered to sit around for a few hours and I decided to take the full pill and try reading for a bit, as thats something where I often struggle with being inattentive and getting distracted by just about everything.

And it kinda helped. I just sat down and read for over an hour without looking at my phone or getting distracted in any other way. I used to read a lot as a child, but since the age of 12-13 I slowly stopped reading as much because I could rarely ever focus on the book for longer times, so reading became a bit frustrating, as I now took days, weeks or sometimes even months to finish books which would have taken me hours when I was younger (one of my biggest achievements as a child was that I finished the whole HarryPotter-Series in just one weekend).

So yeah, that was a nice experience. I tried it again two days later, as I wanted to try studying for university, but this time I tried 1,5 pills (so 15mg) and I didn’t feel much difference to the 10mg. I still couldn’t quite focus on the stuff I had to learn and I kept getting distracted by things around me, especially by the clutter on my desk. I really felt the need to do something about that and so I cleaned my desk. And once my desk was finally free of everything that didn‘t belong there, I cleaned the floor, the kitchen, the bathroom, I did my laundry and I collected all the cat toys and also cleaned all the places my cats like to hang out in of their hair. Once that was done, I tried to learn again and I noticed that I could focus a bit better, but most importantly I noticed that I just managed to keep my focus on doing a cleaning of the whole flat without making any breaks to watch youtube or check twitter or anything. I didn’t even think about my phone, while I did all that. That was kinda crazy, as just about everyone who knows me would describe me as a perfect example of a smartphone-addicted person.

The next day, I tried to learn again and I took two whole pills (aka 20mg or the maximum dosis my doctor allowed me to do before I visit her again) and I noticed that while I could actually focus better, I would also focus very strongly on anything that distracted me. I found one of my cats toys (a self-made mouse) had been ripped and while I was already trying to focus on learning, I just had to get my sewing kit and repair the mouse before I could even think about anything else. So my focus became much better, but also I would focus very strongly on any possible distraction.

The next day my girlfriend arrived and so I didn‘t take Ritalin for a few days, as I know that she isnt too big of a fan of it (that one Netflix-documentary apparently made Ritalin seem like its pure crystal meth) and also I think I shouldn’t need stimulants to be able to focus on my girlfriend. I love her and I always try to give her my fullest attention, so I let the pills in my medicine-cabinet.

Once she was gone again (she has a summer-job in another state, so we only see each other for a few days each week), I tried studying again and so I took two pills in the morning, cleaned my whole learning environment before the effects kicked in and then I actually was able to focus nicely on cell-biology. And ya know, what can I say about that except „The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell“?

Later that day, when the effects already had worn off, I noticed that I also experienced the so-called rebound effect (=symptoms being a bit stronger than usual once the effects of the medication wore off), but as I wanted to continue studying, I decided to take two more pills. So I went to the bathroom, took one, noticed that I had to clean the cat-toilet, cleaned it, forgot that I had already taken one and took two. So I was at 3 whole pills or 30mg of Methylphenidate, which was 1,5 times the maximum dose my doctor told me to take. And then I remembered that I had made plans with a friend to come over and catch up, as we hadn’t seen each other since the whole pandemic started.

So yeah, once he arrived two hours after my accidental intake of 3 pills, I was really focused on what he said and I must say, I felt a mental clarity I usually never felt in normal situations. I also felt a bit more energetic than usual and I experienced the suppressed appetite (which apparently is a rather common side-effect) much stronger than I did with lower doses. Besides that my head felt very warm and I noticed that my pulse was much stronger, so I put on my old smart-watch, just so I could regularly check my pulse (it was constantly over 90, when my usual average it between 60 and 70). Also I told him about my medication and the dosage I had taken, so if I experienced anything bad (the high pulse made me a bit anxious about that) he could inform a doctor. But yeah, nothing bad happened and for two hours we just talked about a lot of things and I just really listened to what he said, which was nice, as I‘m someone who often gets lost in thought while people talk to me, and being able to focus on what he said without getting distracted made me feel like I managed to be a better friend than I‘m usually am.

But nothing lasts forever and so once the effects wore off (took about 4,5 hours) I really couldn’t focus on stuff and I really felt the effects come back much stronger than they usually are. Luckily he is a pretty understanding dude, so he suggested that we just cook until I felt a bit better, which was quite nice, as my appetite also came back and I remembered that I hadn’t eaten anything that day. So we cooked and just played with the cats until I felt a bit better. I noticed that playing with the cats made me quite a bit calmer - maybe it’s the dopamine-boost my tiny fluffy boys give me, or maybe I just overinterpret something. Idk.

(Short break. I know, this post is already pretty long and as it’s about ADHD, I assume that some people reading this also have it. If you managed to read this that far, I‘m really amazed and I really thank you for your attention. Also I made this another text-style, so if you want to take a short break, you could find this spot easier. If you have any tips on how to write so that it’s more suitable for ADHDers to read, please feel free to send me a message, as I would really like it, if I could improve my writing so that my posts are easier to read for other people. Also I promise that this post will be finished soon.)

Okay, so lets continue: once the friend was gone, I washed the dishes, cuddled the cats and went to sleep. Or at least I tried to do so. I just couldn’t fall asleep. It was really impossible for me to close my eyes without having my brain full of thoughts that would keep me awake. I tried to put in calming music, as that helped me to fall asleep back when I was in school, but that didn’t work. I tried to make myself a nice sleeping-environment by putting on nice sounds to pretend that I‘m on the Hogwarts express (I used ambient-mixer for that) and lit small fairy lights, but that also didn’t help. I tried to do a brain-dump and wrote down all the thoughts that kept me awake, but that also didn’t help much. I tried to read all these thoughts out to my cats and talk about all the feelings I had that were linked to the thoughts, but that also didn’t help. (Also the cats kinda decided to run around and play catch after I talked to them for a few minutes. I think they have about the same attention span as I do). At about 5:30 in the morning my girlfriend texted me because she just got up to go to work and I was still awake to answer her. So yeah, at about 6 in the morning I fell into a very light sleep and I can tell you, working a 7 hour shift after that wasn’t fun. So a nice advice of mine: don’t do a higher dose than your doctor allowed you at 6 in the afternoon. Or generally. Listen to your doctors, chances are they know what they are talking about.

And here’s finally the last experience I wanna write about: Today I woke up at 8 and decided that I will use my day productively to learn. So ensured that my desk and everything around it was nice and clean and then I took two pills. And guess what. Now it’s half past 10 and I spent the last 1,5 hours focusing really intensely on writing a tumblr-post about my experiences with Ritalin because I remembered that I wanted to write such a post and I couldn’t focus on anything else while I had this thought. So yeah. Overall I really like the effects it has on me, as I didn’t experience any bad side-effects by now and it really helps me focus, but now I also know that maybe I should make a check-list of things I want to have done before I take it, as these things could be mayor distractions down the line.

I hope these reports could be interesting or helpful to someone out there, but always remember: the experiences of different people can vary vastly, so always remember that such meds can have very different effects on you or people you know. Always consult a doctor or pharmacist if you have medical questions and always remember that taking meds or not doing so is both completely valid, as long as it fits for you.

If you made it this far, I really wanna thank you for taking the time and focus to read this and I hope you found it to be at least somewhat interesting. Feel free to text me if you want to talk about your own experiences, ask questions, give criticism on the way I write or just ask for pictures of my cats. I hope you have a really nice day and yeah. I‘ll post again once something post-worthy happens or a topic which I think to be deserving of a post comes to my mind.

#adhd #adhd story #adhd university #adhd stuff #adhd things #adhd inattentive #adhd meds #adult adhd #adhd problems #adhd post #ritalin #methylphenidate

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komorebei · 4 years

Text

Kurtis Conner | Two Time Chapter 1: The Hype

In case you're new:

Y/N = Your Name

L/N = Last Name

H/C = Hair Color

E/C = Eye Color

S/C = Skin Color

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Your P.O.V

Here I stand before The Queen Elizabeth Theatre. I got tickets to see 'The Two Different People Tour' but the Danny and Drew tickets were for my friends. I got the one for Kurtis Conner. I was still excited to come though.

After the show it was strange to see Kurtis in real life. Especially after that hardcore break up he had with Jenna. He lost a lot of viewers because of how much of a mess he was afterwards. He still had a lot of fans come to see him but I guess it was probably because Drew and Danny's tickets were more expensive. I had this thought when it was my turn to get a picture and such and he asked me, "I apologize if the tickets for Drew and Danny were out of your price range." I was confused.

"You're fine. I actually bought the ticket to see you!" He smiled that beautiful smile and gave me, probably, the tightest and most comforting hug, he's given a fan, ever. I asked if I could hold his hand for the picture and he said yes. The photographer who was there smiled after I hugged Kurtis once more.

"You two look so cute together awe." My face flushed with a rosy pink color. Kurtis laughed at the joke.

"I forgot to ask your name-" Kurtis said still talking to me. I didn't think he paid much attention to me in the first place.

"Oh it's, Y/N." I smiled and then continued to leave the theater.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The Next Day

I woke up this morning still shaken up by the fact that I met KURTIS CONNER. My dream to meet him actually came true. I picked up my phone off my dresser and looked through Twitter. I saw a post that Kurtis had made.

'It was flames bro.'

I laughed at the post and looked at the picture attachment. I saw the picture I had taken with him yesterday and I then scrolled through the comments.

'#toobadJenna'

'OOp Jenna gon' b Jealous'

'she's cuter than Jen smh.'

'shIP!'

I blushed and cringed at the comments and that's when I finally realized the DM I had gotten like 2000 hours ago.

kurtis conner: it took me a while to find you but thankfully your friends are cool creatures.

I shot my eyes from half open to fully intently open. I did a yee yee and clamed down. I then responded back trying to be soo funny.

YeetsInTheSheets: Ooohhhhhhhh yeahhhh. They're definitely 'cool'.

Almost instantly, like he was waiting, he responded back. He explained how he was sorry about his comments and how he hopes I doesn't think he's one of those Tik Tok bois cause he used the word 'flames.' I told him that he was fine and I that I KNOW he's not a Tik Tok boi.

I started talking to him a lot more and that's when he told me about his master plan.

The minute I got the text with the location of a small cafe in near me, I jumped, not really or else I would probably slip and die, in my shower. I didn't intend to make a bad impression, I washed my hair at least 3 times, using up most of my shampoo and conditioner. I used a Bath & Body Works body scrub instead of regular soap. I wasn't taking any chances, and after my I shower I used a stress repel deodorant. So if I started to sweat it wasn't visible. My clothes were normally casual and comfy so I didn't do anything very different there. I wore ripped side-stripe joggers, a white shirt with a black 'caution' sweater and my usual black and white high top vans. I put my hair up in a ponytail and skipped out my front door in excitement.

(666 words i- ^)

I walked into the cafe and I spied Kurtis straight away, his curly hair and tattooed sleeves were hard to miss. I bit my lip because one, I was nervous and two, he was just really cute. He locked eyes with me and gave me the same hug he did at the show. Except this time it lasted longer. Like he was afraid to let go. I sat down with him and he finally spoke.

"Okay. I'm going to ask you something that you may say no to. If you do I hope you'll still continue to support me." I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. "Will you, um, be my fake girlfriend?"

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#kurtis conner #kurtis conner story #drew gooden #danny gonzalez #xreader #agnst #fanfiction #hey how yall doing

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Échappé / Chapter 9 (Branjie) - DenDenMonMon

A/N: So we only have this and another chapter left before the story is over. This was supposed to be some sort of joke. My friend of like ten years, better known as svpermodel, kept going on and on about this “Branjie movie” she wanted to see, I pieced her tweets together and offered to make it a fanfic instead. I knew very little about the pairing and secretly plotted to slowly turned it into a Trixya fic (which I kinda did lol), but never thought I would fall in love with these characters so hard. Needless to say, I had a total of four hundred and twenty seven breakdowns trying to figure out how to wrap things up, even when we had the outline done right from the start. It was so difficult for me to reach the end because… I didn’t want it to end. But enough of my rambling, thank you so, so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. It means the world to me.

As always you can find me as DenDenMonMon on here, twitter and ao3. -Monkey

AO3 Link

Chapter 9

It hardly ever rained in LA, except when something shitty needed to happen, then the sky seemed to be falling down in pieces. It was like a movie. When the climax was approaching, when the guy was dumped, when the girl lost her job, rain was always used to set a depressing mood. The drops carried instrumental music with them, intensifying notes that would lead the viewer to a tragic ending.

Vanessa liked the rain, she liked it a lot. She had come to enjoy it, to long for it.

Although, when it did rain, people didn’t know what to do. The city itself didn’t know how to react. The permanent state of sunshine made Angelinos forget that, every once in a while, the water cycle would make the clouds release countless gallons of rain. Yet, nobody was prepared for that one day of the year when the streets flooded and the canals overflowed, street posts fell down and the power went out. Nobody knew what to do with themselves when the TV signal became erratic, and billboards were ripped from their frames. There were car accidents, because one forgot how to drive when water fell from the sky, and currents dragged all the garbage left on the sidewalks.

Thankfully, it hardly ever rained in LA.

Goosebumps appeared on her arms as Vanessa exited the church. Every piece of uncovered skin complained at the sudden change of temperature. The cold wind, charged with tiny ice molecules, played with the skirt of her black dress. It was probably too short for the occasion, but nobody would have expected her to wear anything else. The heat of her body, as it encountered the cool air, made her cheeks blush; the cold wind bit the delicate skin of her face. She pressed the girl closer to her side as they walked down the stairs. Vanessa did have half a mind to put something with a little more coverage on Elena that morning.

The sound of her high heels, mixing with the droplets hitting the ground, made everything feel even more dramatic for Vanessa. The only thing missing was a thunder slapping across the sky right that instant, to complete the horrific cinematic scene. Thing that didn’t happen.

People rushed by them, waving with one hand as the other held umbrellas, or any piece of available paper, over their heads. Promises were shouted at them, to meet in a few minutes. Neither Vanessa or Elena felt like rushing their steps. Their faces were more or less covered by the big hats and the thin veils, which shielded them from the rain – and the social responsibility to be polite. They strolled across the long parking lot, allowing their bodies to get wet and clothes to stick to their skin. After all, it hardly ever rained around there.

There was a bench at the back of the church. Its color had faded; the hard California sun had slowly but surely eaten the deep brown that covered the contraption, leaving rusty tubes of metal in full display. Even though old and colorless, the bench still served its purpose. They sat on it, water that had gathered on the seat trespassed the fabric of their dresses and reached their legs. Vanessa gladly took the reminder that she could still feel something, even if it was just the rain.

She took a moment to evaluate her life, because it was the only logical thing to do as she sat in the rain at the back of a church.

Vanessa had always thought her life was the hardest. There were some problems placed in front of her that surely nobody else could take. She was a champ for making it through so much heartache and hardship. On some days she felt invincible, she yelled at life, or God, or destiny, to bring on the next challenge. She could take it. On other days, she felt like she deserved a break. Knowing that she could overcome whatever obstacle was placed in front of her, didn’t mean that she wanted to keep on doing so.

Life had been testing her for a bit too long, it was time for her to have some rest. She thought she had found that pocket of time and space where the universe had secluded her from all harm. That was when Brooke had been thrown into the mix. Of course, Vanessa couldn’t possibly break down the most important moments of her life without thinking about Brooke. It didn’t matter if their paths had crossed only a few weeks ago, Vanessa was sure that they had been meant to find each other since the beginning of times. The girl walked into Vanessa’s life and flipped it upside down. She had never lost the ground like that. Regardless of the many emotional hurricanes she had faced, Vanessa had never felt so lost, and confused, and twisted in her entire life. It had been beautiful; nerve wracking, but beautiful. Just when she was ready to open up her heart, to let someone else in and help her carry the weight, everything came crashing down. Bad things just kept coming, one after the other.

With each battle, Vanessa knew she had the option to either let the pain make her bitter or stronger. The line separating those two was sometimes hard to see, with a tendency to change positions with every situation. The line was wiggly, drawn with chalk that threatened to disappear with the rain currents; it was volatile. She prided herself in always choosing to be grateful. At least her life wasn’t as hard as the girl’s who clung to her arm right that instant. The same girl that had to look away as the casket of her mom was placed inside the hearse.

Ben parked right behind it, and Vanessa pulled Elena by the arm to get up. The driver rushed to them with an umbrella, ready to shelter them from the merciless drops, but Vanessa shook her hand in front of herself. It was pointless, they were soaked already. Silently, Ben nodded his head, walked the short distance he had moved from the car and opened the door to help Elena in. Vanessa, jumped in the passenger seat, as it had become her tradition. Ben didn’t stop her, he never did. He settled behind the wheel and turned the car back on.

They followed the procession in silence.

Elena looked out the window with a heavy heart, her eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. Vanessa bit the loose skin of her cuticles; she tried to count the times the windshield wipers passed in front of her eyes. Anything that could distract her from the intense pain hovering above them.

“Thank you,” she whispered after a few minutes. “You really didn’t have to do this. You know I can’t pay you, right?”

With a soft smile, Ben’s stare found hers for the first time. The cars in front of them moved extremely slow. “You don’t have to, dear. I’m happy to do this, to help a friend.”

A huff escaped Vanessa involuntarily. “Don’t even mention that hoe.”

It was easier to stay angry, to be mad at the person who supposedly didn’t help; because anger was a lot easier to deal with than sadness. Vanessa couldn’t admit, not even to herself, that she had left a part of her in that condo, that every step she took away from that metal door felt heavier than the last. If she told herself how much she didn’t want to see a certain person, it prevented her from missing them.

Ben chuckled softly. “I mean you, you silly head. I’m doing this for you, and for her.” He craned his neck to look through the rearview mirror, spotting the girl drawing hearts on the tarnished window. “How is she doing?”

“Not well. It’s not like her mother was very present, but at least she had her mom, you know?”

Even when he didn’t know, even when he had never gone through an experience like that, Ben nodded. “I can’t imagine what she must be feeling; but, hey, at least she’s got you, huh?”

“Damn right!” With a heavy sigh she tried, unsuccessfully, to spot the girl through the side mirror. “She will always have me.”

Vanessa was set to keep her promise, she didn’t leave Elena’s side that day. They held each other as the casket descended, and together threw the first handful of dirt. They didn’t let go as they greeted people into Elena’s home. In a very Hispanic tradition, the whole neighborhood got together to say their final goodbye to a woman they didn’t like, showed up at the place of someone they constantly talked about behind her back. With a forced smile on her face, Elena accepted hugs, directed pots and pans wrapped with aluminum foil to the kitchen and jackets to her bedroom.

Soon, the small apartment was crowded with chatty ladies and running kids. Vanessa talked to some of the older women, discussing recipes she had never tried to cook, not even pretending she knew what they were talking about. She kept an eye on Elena, talking to her dance friends, putting a front, appearing much stronger than what she was truly feeling. Soon, Vanessa had enough and asked the ladies to excuse her so she could check on the girl.

“How you feeling, baby?”

Elena pressed her lips into a thin line, and shrugged her shoulders, not really wanting to give an answer. Silence enveloped them for a minute, until the other girls understood they needed privacy. Between whispers and made up excuses, they got up and left them alone.

Vanessa took one of the now empty seats next to the girl. “Aight. I get it. I’m done talking with those clucking hens over there, too.” She pushed her chin in the direction of the women she had been talking to. Her comment didn’t get the laughter she was expecting in response. Honestly, she didn’t even know what she was expecting, she had no idea how to act in that situation. But she did know Elena, and she knew that she needed to figure out things on her own. Vanessa wanted to be there, but, at the same time, give her enough space to breath. It was complicated, to say the least. “Fine. We don’t have to talk.” Her stare travelled around, her fingers tapped her own knee, unsure of what to do with herself. They both sat in silence, watching people eat, and talk, and laugh, because that was the norm in Hispanic households.

Suddenly, there was a tap on Vanessa’s shoulder. “Vanjie, can I talk to you?” Michelle’s steady voice saved her from the awkward moment.

“Bitch, yes!” Vanessa replied a little too quick, thankful for the distraction. Catching herself, she sat straight, placing a hand on Elena’s shoulder. “Will you be okay for a minute?” The girl simply nodded her head, still in her absentminded state. Vanessa leaned towards her and kissed her temple, before getting up and following Michelle to a different room.

Michelle pushed the many coats out of the way and sat on Elena’s bed. The floral print, in soft pinks and purples, was a big contrast against the all-black outfit that Michelle was wearing. An aura of solemnity surrounded her as she looked across the small space but, truthfully, Vanessa couldn’t think of a time when Michelle looked anything but regal. Vanessa admired her, in every sense of her being. Michelle always knew what to say, what to do; her mind always worked out the perfect plan for whatever situation she encountered. The way she carried herself through life, with such confidence and certainty, was something Vanessa always wished she could do herself.

This time around, Michelle looked, if possible, even more majestic than ever. She straightened her back, her large breasts in clear view thanks to the deep cleavage. “I have good and bad news,” she spoke in the same ceremonious way that she had been acting all day. “Which one do you want first?”

The question startled Vanessa, she didn’t expect having to make any decisions during the conversation. “The bad, always the bad. Then we cover the wound with the good.” She nodded her head approvingly, agreeing with her own words.

For a split second, Michelle casted her eyes down. She tangled her fingers in her lap and sighed. The facade fell for a single beat of silence before she lifted her head and looked straight into Vanessa’s eyes. “We lost the center.” The words came out in a single exhale, in a monotonous whisper that barely registered in Vanessa’s head.

She heard it. Every single syllable of that message entered Vanessa’s ears. It was her brain the one that couldn’t comprehend the meaning behind the words. She could feel them bouncing inside her skull, crashing with every wall and resounding with each hit. The sentence had been simple, one would think four words, strung in such a logical order, would be easy to understand, even for her bilingual brain. Yet, each hop and jump the letters performed through the wiring of her head, made it impossible for Vanessa to let them land in a spot of comprehension.

“Vanjie,” Michelle snapped her fingers in front of her, landing her back into reality, forcing the cogs inside her mind to kick back into gear.

“Wha-what you mean we lost the center? That can’t be true. It ain’t happening. We got the money, we did. Exactly what they asked for. They just needed to finish off the paperwork. That skinny bitch told me the lawyers would take care of everything, she told me that…” Words spilled out without her permission, she didn’t even know what she was saying anymore. She went on and on and on, until she lost track of her own thoughts and simply let her mouth run, hoping Michelle would stop her. She didn’t. Michelle didn’t scream at her to shut up, to get a grip and get it together. Michelle allow her to let it all out. Vanessa only stopped once tears ran down so rapidly that words could no longer catch up. “What-what are gonna do? What can we do to save it?”

“Nothing.” It was clear, there was nothing complicated about Michelle’s statement. They had lost, and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it.

“What happened? Did they at least give you a reason?” Vanessa asked once she recovered a grip of the situation.

Michelle shrugged slightly. “Someone offered them more money.”

“Nah, child, they can’t do that. Can they do that? She said it was ours, the lawyers just needed to finish the paperwork.” She was repeating herself, Vanessa knew it, but maybe if she said it a lot, it would become a reality.

There was no response from Michelle. She sat there, watching Vanessa pace back and forth inside the small room, giving her the time to absorb all the information she had received.

“Can we, like, sue them?” A head shake answered her question. “Is there a way we can get more money? We still have, like, two more weeks, right? We can have another ball.”

Michelle lifted her hand, figuratively stopping Vanessa from continuing. “There’s nothing we can do. Trust me, I have tried every possibility, exhausted every chance from every angle. It’s gone. Actually, that’s where the good news comes from.”

Vanessa’s mouth fell open in surprise. “What you mean good news?! What kind of fucked up news could come out of this mess?”

“Vanjie, I need you to really listen to me. Before you say anything, I need you to pay attention to what I have to say.” There was a moment of silence. The two women simply looked at each other, connecting in a paralinguistic level that was so unequivocally theirs. “I spoke to the girls,” Michelle continued. “We want you to keep the money–”

“Bitch, you wildin’! What makes you–”

“I asked you to listen to me, Vanessa.” The name was what got her. Michelle rarely called her that, unless things turned serious. Vanessa sat down next to Michelle, opening her mind, heart, and ears, for what Michelle had to say. “Elena is going to need someone to look after her, help her with her homework, love her like she deserves. Fight for that girl, take her out of the abusive environment she’s fallen into and give her a home.”

Vanessa shook her head. She had thought about that. Now that Elena’s mom was gone, the most obvious option was the grandmother. It didn’t matter how big of an asshole she was, that cranky old lady was still Elena’s only family. Any judge with half a mind would allow the girl to go with her. Nobody really knew how she was constantly putting Elena down, minimizing her abilities, reducing her to nothing more than the daughter of a drug addict, destined to follow the same footsteps. Nothing the girl did was enough to her eyes. As far as Vanessa knew, the abuela never attacked Elena physically, she wouldn’t have the strength to; but her acid tongue knew how to cut right where it hurt, causing a lot more damage that any tangible wound. Vanessa had thought about getting a lawyer and trying to get custody of the girl. Her chances were slim to none. Not to mention she didn’t have a dime under her name, she wouldn’t be able to support the two of them. Hell, she wouldn’t have been able to afford the lawyer to start with.

“Do you really think the court would let her live with a stripper?” There was a huff coming from Vanessa’s lips, highlighting the absurdity of it all. “Who, on top of that, lives in a shoe box apartment with two other hoes?”

“No.” Michelle was not playing around, she was not entertaining Vanessa’s sarcasm. “That’s why you need to do some changes first. Use the money to get a good lawyer,” Michelle suggested, practically reading Vanessa’s mind. “Get out of that small place and find something better. I talked to some people at this complex, they have amazing student discounts.”

“But I’m not a student,” Vanessa reminded her.

“You are going to. There’s no way you will get a job unless you get your act together. That starts with finishing high school. I can help you look for night schools, or maybe online courses.”

All of that sounded like too much work, Vanessa’s mind was already rejecting the idea as a whole. She didn’t want to get her act together, she was doing perfectly fine as she was. Instead of spitting back all the reasons why she didn’t want to follow Michelle’s plan, she allowed herself to really think about it. Among all those excuses, there was one thing, bigger than any pointless pretext, that would make it all worth it. Just then, the only motivation that she needed to be better, walked into the room.

“Can I hide with you guys for a minute?”

Michelle smiled widely, patting the space between her and Vanessa. “Of course, kiddo. Come chat with us.”

Elena obeyed. She sat down on the bed and rested her head on Vanessa’s shoulder. Vanessa knew there was absolutely nothing she needed to think about. The decision had made itself right then and there. If it meant having that beautiful angel permanently by her side, she was going to change, she was going to be better. She was going to do it for Elena.

And she did.

The following two weeks came and went in the blink of an eye. Vanessa contacted a lawyer that Michelle recommended and, just like she had suggested, Vanessa found a much bigger apartment in a nicer area. The next step was finding a job that the family judge would find decent. She started waiting tables at a Mexican restaurant that paid shit, but had good tips. Her personality helped her a great deal in that area. She knew when to smile, when to flirt, and when to make the customer believe the side of tortillas was on her. Stripping was left behind, and she was surprisingly okay with that. It gave her a certain sense of peace to think that the last time she did it had been for Brooke.

During the whole process of rearranging her life, Brooke had always been a latent thought. Not exactly there, but never leaving her mind completely. Brooke had been right, Vanessa was meant to do so much better, to achieve greater things. Vanessa didn’t know why she had been so closed to the idea, why she had felt attacked instead of empowered. Her stubbornness, mixed with her unwavering pride, was a dangerous combination that forced her to push such an amazing person away.

She had tried, Vanessa had messaged Brooke. One simple text was sent with a waving hand emoji. In her mind, Vanessa planned a whole conversation as soon as Brooke texted back. She never did; and double texting was never part of Vanessa’s brand. That was when she put Brooke on the back burner and concentrated on Elena, and Elena alone, becoming almost oblivious to the passing of time.

Before she knew it, she was standing behind a yellow ribbon, waiting next to the most important people in her life, for their dreams to be shattered. The hot California sun shone above their heads, Vanessa placed a hand to shield her eyes from the brightness as she tried to look up. The large wrecking ball hung from the tall crane. It looked… powerful, she decided after a moment. It looked heavy, and extremely capable of destruction as it swung dangerously close to her beloved building. Workers walked around the area, shouting instructions to each other, and writing things down on clipboards. Vanessa watched them, with their big boots and yellow helmets, as they pronounce the time of death of the community center.

Trixie, stood next to her, chewing a piece of gum rather loudly. “Why don’t you say something? A few, like, encouraging words?”

Vanessa looked down at her feet. “There’s really nothing I can say.” Even when her statement had been negative, her eyes travelled among the people she loved the most. “There really are not enough words, in English or Spanish, to explain how devastating this is. It is something that you just… feel. We are all feeling the same thing, I think, and it fucking hurts.” Her voice broke a little; hot tears gathering at the corner of her eye. “I just… I really don’t know what to say.”

“Can I give it a try?”

All eyes were directed to the shadow walking their way. Vanessa turned around and that was when she saw her. The long blonde waves had been chopped, now straight hair framed her face, curling slightly around her chin. She looked different, but it was her. She wore a white button down shirt, a black pencil skirt, and the usual high heels. Same that resounded against the payment, just like they did all those weeks ago, when Vanessa met her for the first time.

Brooke waved at them from the other side of the yellow line. A small smile played on her lips, but she bit her lower lip to prevent it. She was happy to see them all again, she was happy thinking about all the good things that were about to come, but the emotion in the moment represented a complete contrast to her happiness.

“What is your ass doing here?” Vanessa asked defensively.

Brooke had expected nothing else. She sighed deeply before she looked straight into Vanessa’s eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t contact you in the last couple of weeks. I couldn’t trust myself to keep my mouth shut. There was so much work that needed to be done before I could talk to you. There’s something that I need to tell you.” She lifted her head to address everybody that gathered in the park that afternoon. “Two months ago I was stuck in traffic and saw a group of girls dancing. It was like nothing I had seen before. They looked so happy, so genuinely happy just moving to the rhythm, with steps dictated by their hearts. I saw myself in them, the old me, the one that danced freely without a care. I just needed to talk to them. I wanted them to restore my love for dance. So I ran down from the car and approached them… then I met you,” she spoke directly to Vanessa. “You asked me if I was here to kidnap your kids and sell them in the black market.” There was a round of tearful laughter to her words. Brooke chuckled herself and took a risk, she extended her arms and held Vanessa’s hands in hers. “You love this place. You love it so much that you made me fall in love with it in an instant. I know how hard you have fought for it, how hard you worked to keep it from being demolished.”

“Yeah, well, here we are.” Vanessa tried to look away, to fixate her eyes on anything that wasn’t Brooke’s perfectly applied makeup.

“Yes,” Brooke agreed. “Here we are. About to start a new era. This building is going to be brought down just so it can be reborn as something bigger and better.”

Confused faces stared back at her, unable to follow her train of thought. Brooke chuckled once again and, still holding Vanessa’s hands, she directed her words to the crowd in front of her.

“This is your community center, the one you filled with love, and laughter, and music. You will still have the chance to do all of that, only that I have now decided to call it: The Dream Girls Youth Center.”

“You-you bought it?” Vanessa asked shocked.

Brooke simply nodded. “Yes, I did, but it’s not mine. It’s yours, it’s for the community. The only thing is that I have no idea how this works, I’m going to need someone to help me run it.”

In a quick move, Vanessa made her let go of her hands. “Bitch, the fuck you are talking about?”

Exasperated, Yvie slapped Vanessa’s arm. “She’s talking about you, you dumbass. She bought the center, is going to rebuild it, and wants you to run it. Am I right?”

Piece by piece the information was suddenly making sense in Vanessa’s head. The more she understood, the more she freaked out. “Is that true?”

A nod from Brooke answered her question.

“We get to keep the center?”

One more nod.

“And you want me to run it?”

Brooke finally allowed the smile to take over her whole face. “I could never do this without you, Vanessa. I’m going to need you by my side as we bring it back to life.”

Vanessa was physically taken aback by those words, she literally took a step away from Brooke as she digested the new information. They looked into each other’s eyes, feeling how their souls reconnected, making up for all the lost time. In that moment everybody but them disappeared, there was nothing around them but light. Emptiness surrounded them as their hearts synchronized yet again to beat at the same rhythm.

“By your side? Does this mean you are staying?”

Once again, a nod functioned as response. “If you want me to, that is.” Brooke moved as close to her as the yellow ribbon allowed her. She extended her arms, literally, figuratively, and even spiritually, baring herself to Vanessa. “What do you say?”

It took maybe a second for Vanessa’s brain to connect with her mouth, but it felt like an eternity before she could pronounce the words dying to leave her lips.

“Yes, bitch! Yes! A million times yes!”

She jumped straight into Brooke’s open arms. She wrapped her legs around Brooke’s hips and her arms around her neck. The caution band forgotten, crumpling between their stomachs. It became the least important thing once their lips met. They kissed with the passion they had built up, not only since the last time they saw each other, but with a yearning that came from a lifetime of being apart. They kissed slowly and deeply, letting go of all restraints and inhibitions. They kissed with full abandon, as two people in love that had finally found the person that complemented them.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #michelle visage #trixie mattel #yvie oddly #lesbian au #dance au #echappe #dendenmonmon #submission #bendelacreme

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grimelords · 6 years

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I just realised I wrote up my June playlist and forgot to post it at all, which benefits no one. July coming soon, but for now please enjoy three hours of two month old thoughts on the new Kanye, the Red Dead Redemption soundtrack and two songs about drinking beer.

Ghost Town - Kanye West: Now that the dust has settled around Kanye's month of chaos I can safely say Ye is great and Ghost Town is the best song on it, though it's not a coincidence that the best song is the one where Kanye says the least.

DLZ - TV On The Radio: I've been obsessed with this song for a long time. The combination of the absolutely hypnotising drums and very good cryptic lyrics about impending doom is exactly my shit. Also the whistling right at the very end is a perfect moment.

Hyph Mngo - Joy Orbison: Someone had a thing on twitter the other day that was like 'quote tweet this with a phrase you remember that if you told a younger person they wouldn't understand' and someone said Hyph Mngo and I felt age 100. This song really was such a game changer and that whole wave of stuff like this, Koreless and Jame Blake's EP's around then was such an incredible time to be alive. I am aging decades by the second and will not be around much longer.

The Shootist - Bill Elm & Woody Jackson: I've been thinking about game soundtracks a lot the past month or so for some reason and Red Dead really is an all timer. They did such a great job capturing the whole feeling without it just being a straight Morricone rip-off (though obviously it is mostly a Morricone ripoff).

Touch Me - Wish & Fonda Rae: This song is so fucking good to begin with but then it gets really really good in the middle part and where they just start going hogwild with the sampler on her vocals, and then again at the end when it starts sounding like a Battles song.

In The Vespers - Colin Stetson & Sarah Neufeld: Ever since I finished MGSV again I've been thinking about open-world stealth as a genre and how I'd do it, and this song is really the perfect kind of soundtrack to the game I'm thinking of. It's already got four alert levels built in, all the way from Tense to FUCk and back down to Calming Down But Still Scared.

Human After All - Daft Punk: Human After All is still a beguiling album in sound and vision after all this time. The amount of noise emananating from every single element in this song, and songs like Technologic is just so strange compared to everything they'd done before and since, but I think that's what I like about it. It sounds like it was made in 1979 when electronics were a novelty and everyone accepted that they'd be noisy as hell. Also I had an emotional moment this month while I was driving and listening to this song and reflecting on how we are all, human.. after all.. so who knows what's up with me.

Disparate Youth - Santigold: The production on this song is insane. The drums, the guitar, the bouncing piano, it just has so much momentum the whole way through and holy shit I just realised that the video I was talking about last month that referenced The Holy Mountain that I couldn't remember is L.E.S. Artistes by Santigold what an incredible two for one.

Violence - Parquet Courts: This song has the potential to be embarrassing but it's saved from itself by the specificity of the lyrics and the backing vocals that sound like a smiling swing band saying 'violence is daily life!'.

Jane Says - Jane's Addiction: The steel drum as the central melody line in this is such a strange and beautiful choice and also this song has two chords and no chorus. There are truly one million ways to make a good song.

Heatstroke - Calvin Harris feat. Young Thug, Pharrell Williams, Ariana Grande: I really can't believe I missed this song that came out like a year ago, so thank god my girlfriend told me about it. It's incredible. Everyone is operating at full capacity in this song and the structure is so good, the Pharrell/Thug pre-chorus could be a chorus on its own but then Ariana and Pharrell trade lines foe the actual chorus, amazing. Also when Thugger says 'she got every read bottom like a baboon’ the way the backup says '..baboon' slightly apprehensively cracks me up.

Maximum Black - Bohren & Der Club Of Gore: More Bohren, carrying over from last month. This is one of my favourites of theirs, mostly just for the choir sound and the all-time great sax intro at about 4:30. When you start at absolute zero, dialling it up to a 1 sounds like bomb going off.

Dust Bunnies - Kurt Vile: This is like most Kurt Vile songs in that it's sort of just about hanging out and feeling kind of funny, which is a mindset I really relate to.

Here For The Beer - The Sloppy Boys: A bunch of guys from The Birthday Boys have a band now and it's really great. Comedy music is hard but this album is the best kind where it's just dumb ass rock and roll story songs and odes to partying. The way he says 'autographed baseball' makes me laugh every time.

Beer Pressure - Municipal Waste: Anyway that song reminded me of this song, which is almost the exact same song with a slightly different mindset.

Credulous! Credulous! - BATS: There's really something to listening to a song for ten years and then having it suddenly dawn on you one day that it's about an epilleptic 16 year old in the distant past getting treppaned by a mystic and a team of scientists in the present figuring out what happened.

Please Take Your Hand Away - Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross: Everyone's (me) always talking about how good The Social Network soundtrack is but nobody's ever talking about how they did a sequel that's just as good and goes for longer than the actual film when they released the nearly 3 hour Girl With The Dragon Tattoo soundtrack a year later. What an achievement!

What Does Your Soul Look Like Part 2 - DJ Shadow: This song is really on a whole nother level. It is really a kind of magic that you can get a 15 minute song out of a two note bassline and a drum loop, but when they're this good it looks easy. The drums especially are just absolutely hypnotising.

One Of One - Kamasi Washington: Kamasi somehow outdid himself on this one my god. The groove in this is just amazing, and the way it twists and turns into something darker and darker before the sun shines through and the hook comes back is incredible. The way the theme comes back all twisted up with strings near the end. Great stuff.

My Exit, Unfair - mewithoutYou: I honestly very nearly got converted in high school just because I was listening to so much mewithoutYou, and it still informs a lot of my religious thoughts. A running theme through a lot of their songs is wrestling with and trying to accept the idea that God has a plan for you that you definitely don't understand and getting extremely upset about it and that's about where I'm at.

Stand - R.E.M.: Apparently this was the theme to a show called Get A Life and it's funny because it really does sound perfect for a 90s tv theme. It sounds like it's two and a half minutes too long. Release the 30 second TV theme version REM.

BFG Division - Mick Gordon: I was watching a guy speedrun Doom on GDQ and the music for that game is so amazing, but it sounds really funy when the whole sppedrun is just clipping through a wall and rocket jumping halfway across the level to trigger the checkpoint. Mick Gordon really nailed this soundtrack, it's a massive part of the atmosphere of the game and it's really the logical expansion of the MIDI themes of the original, it sounds like the original in HD, this is what you thought you were hearing.

Angel's Rest - Marisa Anderson: Marisa Anderson's songs are so loosely structured they often seem dreamed up on the spot, but the sounds and moods seem so carefully considered that the notes themselves aren't so important.

Looks Like I Picked The Wrong Week To Quit Oxygen - Michael Giacchino: If Michael Giacchino doesn't get an Oscar for The Incredibles II soundtrack I'm going to riot. The climax of this is so big I had to stop myself from applauding in the theatre, it's irrepressible.

AM // Radio - Earl Sweatshirt & Wiki: I was having a week where I was really feeling like the phrase "I don't like shit, I don't go outside" and so I suddenly remembered this album. This beat is so, so good. It sounds like nothing else, and it only adds to the alien flavour by giving the second half of the track to an instrumental.

World In Harmony - Adebisi Shank: Adebisi Shank are really the perfect band. They love to have fun and have a big time and they started out with a perfect first album and only got bigger and better by the time they got to the third and broke up. This song is so powerful, and my billionaire dream is to finance a new F-Zero game and get Adebisi Shank back together to do the soundtrack.

Make Luv feat. Oliver Cheatham - Room 5: I'm slowly putting together a playlist of songs that sound like Music Sounds Better With You by Stardust in order to invoke some kind of euphoric 'best night ever' and ascend to heaven but this song is the only other one I have so far.

A Love Supreme Part II: Resolution - John Coltrane Quartet: I don't feel qualified to say anything about A Love Supreme, so I don't think I'm going to. I literally don't know where to start with this. It's damn good music.

"You Got A Killer Scene There, Man..." - Queens Of The Stone Age: This song is a real vibe. This should be a whole genre but I've never really found anything else like it. It's like if The Doors were good I suppose. It's shocking that this song only goes for 5 minutes because it really feels like it could go for 20 and you wouldn't mind. I remember a few years ago I opened this in Audition and slowed it down to 75% and I really recommend it, it makes the whole thing feel as sludgy as I think it's supposed to be and makes all the breaks that much more impactful.

Never Let Me Go - Sarah Blasko: A friend sent me this and said it sounds like a Bond theme and he's absolutely right, especially towards the end where it all starts stacking up. Maybe it would need a bit more brass to be a proper Bond theme but still, I love it.

Protection - Emma Ruth Rundle: I love Emma Ruth Rundle so much and I'm so excited that she's got a new album coming out. The absolute textural thickness she can conjure up in a song like this blows me away. I don't know what it is about her voice but it sounds like the 90s somehow. Does that make sense? This feels like 90s music, like the grunge female songwriter thing went a slightly different way and I love it.

listen here

#playlists

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annarendelle · 6 years

Text

there’s an OOC post under the cut !

howdy friends ! happy summer and happy birthday to my sweet baby girl anna ! i literally had all of these gifs saved for a birthday starter but now i have a million threads bc i forgot and made a starter like two days ago ? rip. anyways ! i still might post a text/twitter starter or somethin’ just because ? also idk why i decided to make this post but i did bc i’m just getting so mushy over her birthday ? my sweet anna has brought so much joy into my life these past six months ! i can’t believe i’ve been here for six entire months. i’ve been rping for years but only in one disney rp. i just found myself getting more and more disappointed in it and i knew it was time to go but i didn’t want to stop rping either ? and then i remembered good ol’ carthay from way back in the day so i went to go check if it was still around and it was like the stars aligned bc it just reopened like literally that week ? and it was even more like fate because i looked at all the charas for so long and i almost applied for like.. three other characters and anna was my last choice tbh ? and then i was like, uh no i love anna i’m gonna apply for her ! and i’m so glad i did because she comes so naturally to me. the muse is almost constant for her and i just feel so blessed ? like i love all my charas but anna is always gonna be my favorite ? is that allowed ajfkdls anyways i can’t believe that i’ve been here for over six months and now it’s her birthday and she’s nineteen and i just love her so damn much ! but i love each and every one of you even more. i’ve never been in an rp like this before. even the one i was in for a very long time did not make me feel as welcomed as you all have. im v awkward and shy and it takes a lot for me to feel like i actually belong somewhere. carthay truly is one of a kind. im gonna stop now but just know how much i adore u all. thank u for dealing w me and treating me ( and anna and judy and owen and carl ! ) so well !

ok i feel like i gotta add something that’s actually rp-related to this long ass ooc post so i’m just letting u all know i’m mainly gonna be on anna but i’m gonna try to get on carl as well and maybe judy ! and maybe owen ! u know what ? who knows ! i’m happy and i love all my charas and i’ll be around all night if u need me :)

#❄ ❝ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ── ┊ooc ❞#idk where i was trying to go with this #but i ended up getting real mushy about carthay and my bby girl anna #so enjoy #i love u all

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luci-in-trenchcoats-fluff · 6 years

Text

Jealous

A/N: Originally posted on @luci-in-trenchcoats

Request: Is ok to ask for a Jensen x reader? If yes, can you do something where y/n is an angel of Victoria’s Secrets, and Jared and the others often (especially at the conventions) joke about Jensen being jealous, he play along but in reality he is very supportive of her career. But then she stops doing her show and photo shoots, even the jokes stop leaving the fan wondering if Jensen’s jealousy was true. After some time come out a really cute photo shoot of them and the reader has a pregnant belly?

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 1,000ish

Warnings: mild language

“Speaking of Y/N…” you heard Jared say through his mic before you readied yourself for whatever he had planned. The loud thumping of footsteps gave you enough warning that he was running off stage but you simple stayed your ground in your seat.

“Seriously, Jare?” you asked when he gave you a mischievous smile.

“Come on,” he said with his hand over the mic. “Everyone loves when we get you up there, more an excuse to rag on Jensen.”

“Be nice to my husband,” you said with a sigh standing up. “Alright, do your worst.”

“Always willing to take one for the team,” said Jared, tossing you over his shoulder. “He got real lucky with you.”

“I got a bunch of you nut jobs. It was an even trade,” you said. “Just don’t drop me or Jen’ll kill you.”

“Your Jen or my Gen?” asked Jared, making sure you really weren’t going anywhere.

“Both of them likely,” you said. “Come on, let’s go harass the love of my life.”

“Jensen, look what I found!” Jared said into his mic as he headed back for the stage. You heard Jensen fake a sigh when Jared walked out with you and managed to flip you around so you were upside down looking out at everyone.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” he said with a smile.

“She’s the one that’s stuck with you,” teased Jared, someone handing you a mic. You could feel your shirt starting to slip down but before you knew it, your face was covered and Jared was setting you down fast. “Someone went with pink today, huh?”

“Yes, on sale now,” you joked, not sure if that were true or not but at least you were wearing the right brand bra thankfully. “Perfect for driving your husband nuts but keeping everything in place in unfortunate situations.”

“No wonder she’s an Angel. She has the patience of a saint,” said Jensen, helping you stand as you fixed your shirt.

“Nah, Jensen just needed someone to support him once the show ends in 37 years,” said Misha, coming out now. You gave Jensen a look and he gave it back, knowing they were going to rip into him today.

“But he was a demon and I’m an angel so we’re kind of a perfect fit,” you said, giving Jensen a smile.

“I just had the best idea,” said Jensen, looking over your head at the crowd who was smiling.

“I am not being an angel on the show. I don’t words good,” you said. You saw Richard come out and you groaned.

“Yeah Jensen, Y/N’s got to bring home the bacon after all. Her pout is way better than yours,” said Richard.

“Y/N, can you do a single man tear? You might put Jensen out of a job,” said Jared.

“Yeah, Y/N can come play Dean and Jensen can go try to be an Angel and fail miserably and-”

“You guys are right,” said Jensen with a shrug and a smirk. “It’s so hard to come home to a beautiful, successful, intelligent, badass woman every night. It leaves me all shook up inside.”

“Yeah, I have to console him every night about how not awesome he is,” you teased, Jensen raising an eyebrow at you. “I’m going to pay for that later, aren’t I?”

“Uh huh,” he said, giving you a kiss and patting you on the butt. “Now get out of here, we’ve got more questions to answer besides how jealous of a husband I am.”

Five Months Later

You saw just about everyone in the room suck in a gasp when Jared brushed off multiple attempts at teasing Jensen about you again. You saw Jensen duck his head down when he avoided the question and moved onto the next. When they had finished up their panel, you immediately grabbed hold of him.

“We got to do something. People think we’re actually…they think you’re actually jealous of me, that we’re getting divorced or something,” you said.

“I mean I can handle an awkward question or two, it’s not the end of the world,” he said, trying to put on a smile.

“Maybe we should do it sooner than we planned on. I know I took time off to relax and get ready for the baby but…I don’t like seeing you up there like that, not having a good time,” you said.

“Hey, we’re good and that’s all that matters. I know you love your job but your field is so much rougher than mine and right now you only look kind of pregnant and pictures could put a lot of that in jeopardy,” he said, rubbing a hand over your stomach.

“Yeah, I’m an Angel. I’m also not afraid to eat a hamburger. My agency knows the same things you do. The moment someone says something about me being too big for something, not the right height, not the right whatever, I’m walking away,” you said. “This little person inside me? They’re awesome and I’d pick them over a career every time.”

“I ever mention how much I love everything about you?” he said, a genuine smile popping up.

“Most days,” you said, throwing your arms up around his neck. “We’ll figure this out.”

One Month Later

“Oh hey, I totally forgot to tweet this earlier. It kind of has something to do with what’s been going on with Y/N and me and her work lately,” said Jensen, hiding his smile away as he waited a little bit into the panel to send out the picture.

“You’re not going to share? We have to look on Twitter?” teased Jared, already having seen the pictures days ago. You started to hear a few aw’s and then more and more, Jensen breaking out in a big smile. “Wait, you guys are having a kid?”

“Yup,” said Jensen. “With my amazing wife who I will support no matter what she wants to do in life. The only rumor left to spread is whether it’s a boy or girl.”

“Which one is it?” someone asked.

“I got no idea. I’m excited for the surprise though.”

#spn #supernatural #jensen x reader #luci-in-trenchcoats

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