#probably 'cause i am autistic myself and know what to look for

[pikatrainer99]

Okay, so I see tons of people talking about Kieran being autistic...which I 100% agree with, but...

...Can we talk about Crispin for a minute...?

This kid also has a lot of traits that make me headcanon him as autistic. First, he has a CLEAR special interest in cooking, particularly spicy stuff (hyposensitvity to spice maybe...? He doesn't seem to be affected much by it at least, even when you make the sandwich that he calls "just pain" he seems much less affected than anyone I know would be anyway). He carries his frying pan EVERYWHERE, which is definitely not a "normal" thing to do (comfort item maybe...?). He uses his frying pan to hide his face at times, and he also likes to move it around like he's cooking something...even though he's not cooking anything at the moment, as well as hold it as tight as he can and shake it in front of him (stims maybe...? And yes, those CAN be stims even though it's not something that you'd typically see as a stim because the repetitive motion for the former can feel good to do and the tight grip of the latter can also feel good...I do the same thing with my hands and I have many stim toys that I put all the pressure I can into and it's a great release of tension...and he does the former when he's excited and the latter when he's upset). He's also hyper-expressive, which is something that autistic people can be. We're not all deadpan, all the time, we can have exaggerated and over the top reactions to things. Before you battle him he also straight up admits that he doesn't get what's going on with the club and wishes everyone would just be direct and say/do what they mean/want. His quote is literally "Gaaah! Everything's getting so complicated! If you wanna say something, just say it! If you wanna do something, just do it!" And then after you beat him he says he loves battles and cooking because they're both so easy to understand, implying that people aren't easy for him to understand. And then after you beat Kieran he says, "Way to go - both of you! That was awesome!" not understanding the severity of the situation and not understanding that Kieran is having a mental breakdown over his loss. Lacey even says, "Oh, honestly, Crispin! Read the room, would you?" and Crispin just looks at her, confused. So he definitely has social difficulties and his people skills aren't the greatest. He is probably the most innocent out of the BB League group too, he just likes to do what he loves and it stresses him out when everything goes downhill with the club BECAUSE he doesn't understand why and just wants it to go back to how things were before all of this. So yeah, while I agree 100% with the headcanon of Kieran being autistic, I think there's also a case to be made for Crispin as well, especially with those social difficulties and wishing people would just be direct.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[fatal-blow]

actually speaking of that "everything i love causes carpal tunnel" shirt i know! a muscle that causes carpal tunnel-like symptoms!

the bad news is that it's the underside of the shoulder blade, but the good news is that once you figure out how to reach it, it's quite easy to release!

anyways meet the subcapularis

(all images taken from Myofascial Pain and Dysfunction (3rd Edition) by Travell et al)

the subcapularis helps pull the shoulder forward and rotate it inwards, meaning it's involved in many activities which cause the much dreaded carpal tunnel--yes, even though it's nowhere near the wrist. the anatomy of the shoulder makes it easy for nerves and vessels to get compressed, causing all sorts of fun symptoms like pain, tingling, and cold fingers.

this is the referred symptom zone:

obligatory i am not a doctor, just very autistic about musculoskeletal pain, and can't guarantee this massage will help your carpal tunnel symptoms, but I will say that uhhh every time I do this for myself i can feel all blood and sensation rush back into my arm, and it's always best to try massage before more invasive stuff like surgery

--

1. Find a spot where you can sit, feet planted on the ground, and lean forward and rest your head on something with your arm hanging down between your legs. This will slide the shoulder blade to the side of the ribs, where you can reach the underside.

2. Above is what the subcapularis looks like with the surrounding muscles. Using your fingertips (you might wanna cut your nails) or your thumb if preferred, find the bony edge of the shoulder blade, and start poking around the underside.

3. You'll most likely only be able to reach the edge of the muscle, but that's enough! When you press into it, you will probably feel like you're reproducing your symptoms. Don't worry; you aren't hurting yourself and in fact this means you're in the right spot! Massage it gently, enough to feel it but not enough to wince, until you can't find anymore painful spots (or until you feel better, sometimes you can't get it all in one session).

3.5. If your pain increases overall, don't do it. Though pressure should elicit symptoms, this type of massage should provide pretty immediate relief, and if it doesn't then either some other muscle(s) is involved or it's not muscle related at all.

4. Finish up by rolling your shoulder back, like you're stretching out your chest/reaching behind you, a few times. It's normal to hear clicking--good, actually, that's the sound of your body realigning.

5. I recommend doing this at least daily, even after the symptoms have eased, until it's no longer sensitive to massage. Keep in mind that this muscle has been overused, and that the muscles that oppose it have weakened. It will keep trying to tighten up again until the weakened muscles have recovered, so you need to actively treat it and keep an eye out for habits that cause you to roll the shoulder forward.

And that's it! If you intend to resume carpal tunnel inducing activities ASAP, see if you can take a moment every 30 minutes or so to do a quick shoulder stretch. This helps prevent the muscle from tightening, and you only need to spend moments to do so. Quick breaks like this actually go a long way towards preventing injury, and help you keep working without interrupting the flow to go do some body maintenance :P

[drdemonprince]

Do you have any immediate thoughts about core identity and autism?

I have a great, neurodivergent friendly therapist - bottom-up, somatic, all that shit that's supposed to be good for autistic clients. But I've been stalled for the last half dozen sessions over the feeling that I have no core 'self', that I am so much a mimic of people around me that my internal self has no core qualities beyond the immediate drive to survive and avoid demands and sensations.

It comes out as "I have no inherent value" (c'mon, no one does) and "I have no inherent moral drive, I just know what causes me pain probably causes others pain, and I am aware other people are different enough from me that I have to believe them when they say something causes them pain, and I must avoid pain for myself and others"

I've been trying to express to my therapist that core identity terms are maybe better couched in vocabulary for computer programs or robots, but it's difficult to adjust therapy speak into that even with a curious and agile therapist.

I have been thinking a lot about animals lately. Animals that are not humans have no "core self." They have no thoughts of self-worth. If you truly look into the eyes of, say, a squirrel or a turtle, you will immediately recognize a great, living void. They are a collection of survival instincts, learned responses, and reactions to the present environment that have some general pattern of constancy but which are ever-evolving.

They do not exist for any "reason," they just exist. No instinct that they have is false, even one that is mimicked or new. They have no morality, only reactions that propel them and follow a sense that is senseless to us creatures with minds that are forever narrating and judging. They just exist and that existence is inseparable from their present physical reality. The same is true of each of us, our minds only complicate it.

I think it is very compelling to be much like any other animal. When I am alone, or feeding my most primal hungers (when I am famished, say, or craving a drink or cigarette), I have no worries of whether I am being authentic or valuable to society or even if I am good. I simply experience feelings and cravings. Life is lived through experiences, as a consciousness that can take things in and do things that affect reality in turn. Life is not lived via our identity or even our beliefs. The universe is horrifically indifferent to what we aspire to be, or believe is right. Entire species exist only due to mating rituals that require murder or rape, and the thriving of one species often spells the doom of others or even itself. It is disgusting and meaningless, being an animal. But in that void there is such stillness and great beauty.

I have been able to access this dark-eyed feral side of myself more lately. I have been spending more time alone, no longer even trying to mask to myself as the kind of social, giving being I had convinced myself I had to be, if my life narrative were to be that I got well. I don't care about being well. Or even being good. Those terms are playmobil level human made up stupid. When I touch that void, and dwell in it, I can see that none of it matters and none of those human judgments are real, and that the fiction of my core self does not really exist at all. And I find it very peaceful.

Lately hard core bondage really helps me get there, mentally, as do long swims and long walks late at night. Conversations with the rare few who are not afraid of almost any thought also help me get there. Most of all I just need time and fucking silence. There are pictures of me lately where I can see an animal. Not someone posing or trying to manage an impression. In those few photos I can feel some unnamable emotion that is real. It is that animal void that exists in all things, that is the breathing of life into flesh.

Therapy, I have got to say, is the stuff of small minds. I don't mean you, I mean your therapist. Therapy can only process in individual personality units, which are a fiction, and it believes that problems exist to be solved through an optimization of the self. You need to be confident. Need to know who you are.

I have often written like that, forgive me for it. But problems do not exist to be solved, they just exist, and some things do not get better, and there really isn't a better or a worse anyway, there is just a vast ecosystem responding to things. A great void of life always teeming, always changing. Great loss and growth and change, violence and birth.

And so I am not surprised to hear your therapist does not get it. The detached view you take of morality likely frightens them. But that might mean you are on a far more compelling path than what they would desire for you, which is probably self-esteem boosting exercises and tidy scripts for setting boundaries with your parents. That stuff is fine. But expecting too much from it is like asking a can opener to explain the universe.

Thanks for writing.

[astr0exe]

K9 [COD MEN (POLY??) X M!READER] CH1

Ch.1 , Ch.2 , Ch.3

CAS’ MASTERLIST !!

reader is transmac and autistic cause i said so :)

AO3 VERSION : K9

SUMMARY: The boys meet someone new. He seems cool but his dog seems to enjoy ripping people apart.// The boys meet the K9 trainer

(first time transferring my AO3 work to tumblr so)

(my writing is also quite shit but hey ho)

( i project so so bad with this character)

(pls give me feed back)

CHAPTER 1

Soap's POV :

The Captain dragged us into a meeting and we have no idea why. I was busy watching Princess And The Frog after working out for ages, I just wanted to relax after so many back-to-back missions.

"Thank you all for showing up I do appreciate it, I know we are all probably tired, however I thought this was important to discuss before you saw them around the base." Huh saw who around base? Is someone new joining? I glanced around the room and caught Gaz's confused eyes.

"See who sir?" I asked cautiously, "___ they are the K9 trainer and his callsign is K9 because of this. He has a fully-grown perfectly trained cane corso who is with ___ at all times. If any of you are scared of big dogs then I am sorry because Bucky is huge. There will be a meeting introducing you all do not worry but I thought I should give you a heads up. Dismissed." Answered Price.

Whilst walking next to Ghost in the hallway I couldn't help thinking about what Price said. I don't even know what a cane corso looks like. Oh well, when I get to my room I'll find out cause Google is my friend. "Hey, Lt. Do you know what a cane corso looks like?" I questioned, "I think I have an idea, pretty sure they grow up to 70 cm (27.5 inches) ish and weigh up to 50 kgs (110 pounds) They are massive dogs." Ghost murmured.

I could feel my eyes bulging out of my sockets at the thought of a dog that big.As I finally got to my room, I instantly looked up what a cane corso looked like and I think I shit myself. I have to meet one of those tomorrow.

Time skip : meeting K9 and Bucky

We all sat in the common room for our introductions. Me and Gaz were playing uno whilst Ghost was just watching us like a babysitter would with two children whilst we were waiting for Price and ___. Slowly we heard footsteps, they sounded heavy like platform boots, you could hear heavy breathing coming from Bucky and mumbling muffled talking from K9 and Price. The footsteps gradually increased in volume until Price walked in along with an awkward-looking guy. He wore large combat boots which had to add at least 3 inches to his height, and a large leather jacket with lots of patches on ranging from band patches to quotes. Oh and a trans flag. Nice. His belt was studded like he bought it in the 2000s with added chains which actually looked heavy, he had black eyeliner on and a face mask. If he wasn't like 5"7 with his boots on I'd say he was terrifying.

After I finally stopped staring at this Greek god of an emo boy and got my shit together I noticed his dog, Bucky, who was eyeing everyone wearily as if at any point we would attack him or ___. With how intimidating they both look I think they suit each other.

"Um hi I'm ___ or K9 and I'll be training dogs you take on missions and sometimes taking the dogs on the missions myself. Nice to meet you all. As you all know, this is Bucky, he won't hurt you." He giggled towards the end and oh my god it's like I heard heaven gates open and when I gazed around the room I knew everyone felt the same with all the wide eyes and stuttering introductions.

"Well these are my boys, Lt. Ghost Riley , Sergeant Soap Mactavish and Sergeant Gaz Garrick. Boys this is Sergeant K9 he will be working with you as he described he will also be living on base and training with you lads so I expect them to come back to me feeling welcomed into the Taskforce is that clear?" Demanded Price. "Yes Sir." We all responded in unison.

As I observe K9 and Bucky I cant help but smile at how at ease he seems with his dog. I think he is gonna fit in perfectly.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA because I accidentally "liked" an acquaintance/friend of a friend on a dating app? And now I don't want to talk to him anymore based on the way he reacted?

(Sorry if this is overly complicated)

I (29M) had only met this guy (36M) - I'll call him Ben - once or twice. He's like a family friend of my best friend. He had just moved to the area and was struggling with his mental health, apparently. My friend's mom asked us to "treat him like family" which I had no problem with, because it seemed like we got along well. I was hoping we could become friends. Obviously nothing more because I barely knew him.

Next time I saw Ben, he was not as friendly as before. I thought he might have been ignoring me on purpose, but I often misinterpret things like that (I am autistic), so I put it out of my mind.

Then saw him a week or two later at a party. Sat next to him at a table, said hi and asked how he was doing, etc. He didn't even look at me. Gave me a very cold one-word answer and immediately got up and went to the other side of the room. Spent the whole party at least 20ft away from me, but seemed friendly enough with other people.

Afterwards I told my friend I felt like Ben didn't like me, and asked if he noticed me doing or saying anything offensive, and he had no idea, so again I just let it go. But a couple weeks later, Friend's Mom told him that there IS a reason for that behavior, and that's because I liked his profile on a dating app and "he doesn't feel the same way at all because he's gay and likes men".

This upset me for a lot of reasons - first off I am transmasculine and do consider myself a man even if it's a little complicated - but mainly because I didn't remember seeing him on any dating app. I also thought it was overkill to act that way towards someone just because they might be interested in you? If I thought someone wanted to date me, but didn't feel the same, I don't think I'd be mad at them?? I feel like his reaction was a little childish and dramatic.

Possible asshole behavior from me: on dating apps I tend to like every profile that isn't objectively terrible. Because I'm bad at judging how much I'll like a person based on a few pictures and a short bio. Sometimes I don't really pay attention and like every single one of them and unmatch the ones I decide I don't vibe with after a closer look (or messages exchanged). That's...probably why I don't remember. I was barely paying attention.

My friend told me he thinks it's an asshole move to like everyone before closely reading bios and thinking it through, and I guess I see his point. But on the other hand I feel like Ben was disproportionately rude - like I can't help but be slightly offended it's that terrible to imagine I might be interested. (And I am not btw. I never have been.)

I didn't have his number so I asked my friend to let him know I'm not actually interested & must have accidentally swiped. I'm told he apologized and said he was "going through stuff" but we never talked directly and I haven't seen him since. So it feels very much unresolved to me.

I told Friend's Mom I will not be attempting to befriend him anymore - I'll be civil of course, but I'm keeping more of a distance. Apparently she was upset by this, and originally didn't tell me OR my friend why he was acting like that towards me - because she thought I might not want to talk to him anymore, and she didn't want "friction".

I guess what I'm asking is AITA for 1) not paying close enough attention on dating apps, and/or 2) not letting it go & pretending nothing happened after I was told he apologized - therefore causing "friction" between everyone?

What are these acronyms?

[cult-of-the-eye]

Ok I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna make the new hyperfixation post:

CRIMINAL MINDS:

I started watching it cause I was on the internet during the Dr Reid thirst trap era and let's just say a scrawny motherfucker with autism is the surefire way to get me to watch something

Especially when everyone is going through the horrors

I am in love with the format of the show, with the whole quotes and then different characters saying the quotes and the isolated cases with the slight hints of more background for each of the characters it's really keeping me going

I'm not great with gore and shit but like it's got shitty 2000s CGI so like it's easy to tell myself it's just actors with fake blood

Also listen I had to tap into my 9 yr old undiagnosed autistic obsessed with psychopaths phase at some point

It just tickles the right parts of my brain

Anyway the characters are why I stuck around

Gideon <3333 I love that strange walrus looking man I love how he's simultaneously such an emotional rock for everyone in the BAU but also dealing with his own things, he goes into each of the crimes with such calmness and compassion and I just love that weird old man especially when he introduced himself as Jason to the little girl he was saving in that one episode, i was like HE'S MAKING HIMSELF SEEM LIKE LESS OF A THREAT BY INTRODUCING HIMSELF WITH HIS FIRST NAMEEEE, HE'S TRYING TO PUT HER AT EASE

Hotch oh man it was one scene specifically that literally started my brainrot for this guy, I wasn't that into him in the first couple of episodes and then it was revealed that he was horrifically abused by his dad and actively chose to go into a pathway that would catch people like that and people who get abused and then go on to abuse others and I just. AH. i am such a sucker for any character who has endured things that no one ever should endure at the hands of another human being and then instead of becoming completely bitter and taking the eye for an eye mindset, they vow to make sure the cycle stops with them and they may not be all sunshine and daisies and instead rough a lot of the times but they do it and they do it realistically

He's got a wife and a kid!!! He did it!! He made a better life for himself and it makes me feel like I could too, he's so strong and I feel like my strength can one day be used for more than just survival

Elle!!!! God I love her I feel like she's so realistic for a woman in her field, she's smart and strong and capable and she acknowledges all the things she has going against her, she's compassionate to the female rape victims, she gets furious at the people targeting women in particular what i would do to be this woman's friend

Reid. Oh lord. Listen I'm not on the thirst trap train but I do understand the love for this guy. My love for him however stems from the autism. The whole wanting to be useful and only knowing how to through interests and hyperfixations and feeling like he's missing out on some things cause he's different

It was the hostage situation on the train that got to me he was just so REAL and it's so awesome to see autistic people succeed in stuff like this

It's also nice to see him accepted by the team for who he is

I do also like him cause he's cool but it's easier to explain the autism stuff

Garcia - wonderful amazing spectacular I love me a confident woman in stem

Morgan - i like how he's sort of the "cool guy" archetype but his whole thing is getting into the mind of the UnSub I feel like it gives him more depth

JJ - god she's so cool and calm under pressure I love her

So yeah. The BAU is my new comfort character crew I'm taking Elle with me everywhere

But also do I have major issues with the idea of behavioural analysis in crime? Absolutely. It is so insanely subjective the way they're going off of probability, the way their precedent probably lacks temporal validity and also population validity with both the androcentrism and ethnocentrism it does feel wrong to be coming to such a conclusion about the UnSub so quickly and decisively, even though I understand their whole thing is getting there quickly. I just know that categorising human behaviour is never as simple as it seems.

Do I think they tackle some of these issues in the show? Sort of. Am I also aware this is a fictional drama TV show and it may not be that deep? Yes.

Anyway

[wheelie-sick]

🕷️🕸️ Pinned Post

「 ✦ Corvid — he / him — no they ✦ 」

↬ physical, sensory, psychiatric, and developmental disabilities ↫

「 Deaf ~ visually impaired ~ hEDS & co. ~ lupus ~ miserable malalignment ~ unknown neurological disorder ~ etc. 」

↬wheelchair • forearm crutches • knee braces • hearing aids • FM system

「 autism ~ ADHD ~ PTSD ~ OCD ~ bipolar I 」

↬professionally diagnosed and supportive of self diagnosis

I run a disability discord server

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01. I am Deaf. while I have residual hearing I do not use it on videos. if you send me uncaptioned videos they will be ignored.

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02. before you follow, some things you should know:

01. I think terfs should die, you're not welcome here

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09. I am against ABA therapy and believe it to be inherently abusive. if you want to know why, read my experience.

↬ this list exists to keep the flies away, you don't have to perfectly agree with everything here. I will block for some opinions but this is not a DNI list. I'm open to discussion about my views as long as you're here to discuss and not preach

this is an extremely political blog. if you don't want to see political content then this is not the blog for you.

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03. I'm happy to answer questions, I promise I don't bite. I don't mind educating people as long as they're asking questions in good faith. (this includes advice for writing characters with any of my disabilities) -- I try to answer everything, if I don't answer your ask for whatever reason it probably just got lost

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04. some other information about me, if you care:

01. I have a long long history of experiencing psychosis due to some combination of bipolar and lupus (yes, lupus causes psychosis)

02. I am autistic and really heavily struggle with social cues

03. I am DeafBlind but not legally blind (legal blindness is not required to be DeafBlind) I am visually impaired. I woke up one morning with strabismus, nystagmus, and 20/70 best corrected vision in my right eye

03. I am intersex, cistrans, and queer. I specifically identify as a nonbinary trans man and intergender.

04. I am a therian. I am primarily a crow and secondarily a gray fox

Vision loss date: July 14, 2024

Resources

Mobility Aids

Things to research before getting a manual wheelchair

Setting anti-tip wheels higher to allow wheelies

Pros and cons of armrests

Basic information about forearm crutches

Management

Basic dislocation/subluxation care

Coping with inflammatory arthritis

About

What is Idiopathic Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS)?

Explaining Dysphagia

Overview of immunocompromisation

Nervous System Effects of Lupus

Gait Lab/Gait Evaluation Experience

Butterfly/Malar Rash

Lupus Flag

Disabled Antifa Symbol

Deafness, ASL & Addressing Audism

On people with speech loss using ASL

The difference between APD and being HOH

Sign names created by nonverbal people

Lifeprint and using online resources to learn ASL

Antipsychiatry

There are no good psychiatrists

Psychiatry saving lives does not negate its harm

Why I'm antipsychiatry

Policing of mentally ill people's use of language

[terranceholdsapencil]

I just watched space babies and Im gonna put some moments under the cut that are just so,,,

DOCTOR WHO SERIES 14 EPISODE 2 SPOILERS‼️ "Space babies"

-lets make this episode into one big exposition/lore dump so everyone knows whats going on

-RANI MENTIONED

-dinos <3

-ruby stepping on an actual butterfly and 15 blowing life into it again 😭 that was so stupid I absolute love it

-"One day this is wyoming"

-"Aha! Is that like a, uh, matter transporter like in star trek?" "hehehE! weve gotta visit them someday."

Im not even much of a star trek fan but I could totally watch doctor who with my star trek-autistic dad if there was a crossover. Also a crossover would be bangers.

-"Most of the universe is knackered, babes" fair.

-something about "the question is, why did I run?" "cause it was scAry!" "It was new. I LOVE meeting new things, so why did it give ME the shivers? I couldn´t run fast enough I was like 👏 WOOSH!"

I was like *clap* WOOSH!! (New stim unlocked)

-"So, this place, grows babies. What for? FoOd?" "fOo- who-whOT. FOOD? Theyre not tOmAtOes"

The way he said tomatoes is very special to me. As well as the general absurdity of that whole moment, actually

-giving her phone the space-time-signal boost!!! THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY TO SEE ON SCREEN AGAIN

-space babies. First I was a bit annoyed and baffled by the way he kept saying space babies but eventually he said it so often I just went "SPACE BABIES :D"

-ruby and 15 handling the space babies??? 😭 Man that was so pure

-maybe thats growing up queer and autistic but this line killed me

"Nobody grows up wrong.

You are, what you are, and that is magnificent"

Okay Im just gonna sit down and CRY because I really needed my comfort character to tell me this. Im not ready for it yet but I still need it. Ill get back to this once Im at peace with myself. To heal.

-"because I, am absolutely lovely, arent I? 🥰"

-"And do you wanna know my secret?

Theres no one like me in the whole, wide, universe. No one like me exists, and thats true of everyone. Its not a problem, captain pops. Its a superpower 💪 High five!"

-i absolutely laughed out loud and almost woke my father when ruby tried to calm the space babies and 15 kept scaring them.

"Theres no such things as the bogeman. That thing, was more-- sort of like, a, uhhh," "BOGEYMAN!"

-"That should recalibrate the whole shebang"

-abortion allegory got like super spelled out at one point and that was a bit awkward but I have no strong opinion on it, because the point they make still stands.

"Hang on. So, the planet down below will refuse to stop the babies being born, but once theyre born, they dont look after them??"

-the way jocelyn said 'because its terrifying" after 15 said "and WhY was I so scared?"

Also: "Yeah but Ive met a million ugly bugs, *I´m* and ugly bug, ThAt THIng, made me run, I just wonder why" youre not an ugly bug gorgeous

-"babies with a flame thrower?!" Was possibly the stupidest thing Ive ever seen and Im so happy cause that is exactly how doctor who works. Babies with flame throwers. Who even thought of that.

Also reminded me of the fact daleks had flame throwers at one point

-"The teaching software, it told a story!" "it invented the bogeyman!" "For the babies 🥺" "For the space babies 🥺" (i love them)

-snot monster

-it did confuse me how familiar they seem already. And that he basically gave her a tardis key before she even really agreed to travel with him. I LOVE them dont get me wrong but that felt too quick

-seeing mum at christmas <3

-"tell your mum not to slap me" someone has never recovered from jackie and sylvia

-ohhh dna scan

-probably something I forgot but:

Episode was fun. Too exposition heavy at times and structured differently from 'normal' who. But fun. And also super silly. And we LOVE super silly.

Space Babies. Space babies with flame throwers.

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

[lionheartslowstart]

POA

Something happened recently that has caused me to confront the fact that I am truly disabled. It's not that I didn't know I was, of course I have since the autism diagnosis, but I really, and I mean really, got hit in the face with it.

I'll explain.

I can't go into too much detail regarding the actual circumstances, but the long and short of it is that I had to give my parents power of attorney in order to solve a housing issue. I trust parents completely and I know it's not something they would ever abuse. They made it clear to me that should I ever want to dissolve it, we could do that, and that the sole purpose for getting it was to avoid any houses issues now and in the future.

We had to go to a lawyer's office to sign the document and have it notarized. It was all very official. Afterwards, I drove home, sat on my bed, and just cried.

When I received the autism diagnosis, I was diagnosed with Level 1 autism. Autism is divided into 3 different levels. However, in my research, these levels seem to pertain strictly to social skills. In this way, yes, I am a Level 1 autistic. But if we're talking about "functionality," I'm not so sure I can qualify as Level 1 anymore. (Seriously, why IS it split by social ability? That's stupid.)

I'm 30 years old, and I'm still financially dependent on my parents. At this point in my life, I can't work a full time job. As a result, I will never be financially independent, and I will never be able to afford housing on my own. I say "at this point," because maybe one day that will change, but I doubt it. And for the record, I count myself lucky I can at least work a part time job, because 85% of autistics can't work at all.

Autism is a developmental disability, and I feel that as I'm getting older, it's become more obvious. Because I'm staying the same. I mean, obviously not completely the same. I've learned and grown and matured, and my friends who have known me for over a decade always comment on how much I've changed, but that's not what I mean. I mean that I feel like an adult and a child at the same time. I mean there are certain things I can't DO, certain things I can't retain or process, because my brain just won't let me. For example, I can't set up health insurance by myself. Every time my mom tries to explain it to me, my brain glazes over. That's the best way I can explain it. And I swear, I am trying SO hard to pay attention. I can't help it. My brain just...won't.

If this is what my life looks like when I'm 30, what is it going to look like when I'm 50? 60? 70? Not good. Not a good quality of life at all.

I'm so jealous of my friends and family. I don't understand how they do it. Even my other autistic friends are able to work full time or go to school full time without incident. (I did go to college full time but I almost ended myself like 3 times and I had to take a LOT of time off throughout.) It makes me feel guilty and bad. Like a loser. A failure. And yes, I know that autism can look different in everyone. I guess this is just one of the ways it affects me personally. But even so, it's painful to watch everyone around you be fully independent, and for whatever reason that's just not you. I mean, I'm independent in other ways. I can live by myself, make my own appointments, work part-time, and form meaningful relationships. I'm really trying to focus on those things instead, but it's been difficult to stay positive. I feel like financial independence is pretty major.

I want to interject here and say that I am insanely grateful to my parents. I know how blessed I am. They are my biggest supporters, both emotionally and financially. They love me so much, and if I didn't have them I'm certain I'd be homeless, probably long dead. I know that most people don't have parents like mine, let alone autistic people. I thank them all the time and tell them how guilty I feel and reassure them that I'm not lazy or spoiled, that I take their support very seriously. And they always assure me that they know, and not to worry about it, and they just want me to be happy.

But I do worry about it. My parents have wasted so much money on keeping me alive, it makes me physically ill. If I wasn't around, they'd have more money in their pockets for other things. They wouldn't have to worry about me all the time. I genuinely feel like they'd be better off without me, at least in the long run.

Like I said, the thoughts have been real dark lately, y'all. I've been extremely depressed since we instated the POA. This is my reality.

I don't know if my friends will still want to be friends with me in 10 years. Even my autistic friends. I don't like that I'll most likely never be financially independent. It is my greatest shame and I wish so badly it wasn't true.

People who insist autism is a fad and that people fake it for attention or whatever can eat my entire ass.

I would do anything, and I mean anything, to not be autistic.

[damnedrainbows]

not doing good, bad day for autism. rant below of an autistic woman who’s made this iteration of a rant probsbly far too many times

you know I often advocate for myself and my community, get pissed when I hear shit like ‘curing autism’, embracing my own autism, but most of the time I realize if someone offered me a cure I’d take it. And I don’t even care that that would erase who I am as a person because I’ve come to find out that so much of me is because of my autism, maybe it’s the lesser of two evils

because maybe earlier if I recognized things better maybe I would have seen my brother was getting distressed when we were playing around and he said to stop. thing is the kid does that all the time, playfully saying stop and then getting annoyed when you listen cause he was joking. But no, he was actually upset and according to my family “I should have recognized the tone was different”

maybe when my gf started venting I would have acknowledged that they were just looking to vent and weren’t wanting my rigid solutions

and maybe I could still stare at my art without my eyes feeling like it’ll catch fire because I can’t…look at light that long anymore!

you know I make all these jokes and post funny things with me and gb where I say things without thinking it through and it can be hilarious, but most of the time it’s just. GUTTING. a reminder that no matter how much I”ve studied human behavior since childhood to avoid shit like this, it’ll just keep happening, and it’s not as endearing as I wish it could be, because people just get sick of it

I know I’ve probably bored my friends to tears with the different but same plot of ‘character learning they’re autistic’ because I do that plot so much or something related to autism because it’s my cope lmao I get to act out how I wish most people treated me, I get to resolve trauma with character that were mistreat3d because of it. it’s a plot that I’ll never get tired of doing because I need it

and then on top of everything, my tablet pen, one that is no longer made because they don’t make my tablet anymore, is GONE. I don’t know where, I just had it. And I mean, JUST had it. I’ve been drawing with it all day. I set it down, I don’t know where, and it’s gone!

and all this when I’m already nervous as fuck for my hair appointment tomorrow. you want to know why? scared of the hair dryer. what kind of pathetic pussy…cries at having their hair dried? I never liked grooming growing up, and itks why I never brush my hair, but who the fuck cries at a hair dryer, I haven’t had my hair dried by one of those since my sensitivity worsened. I don’t want to imagine the hell. and of course the appointment is made in the evening as her last client because I can’t be trusted to you know be normal

AND THEN I GET REPRIMANDED FOR NOT HELPING WITH THE FUCKING TV REMOTE THATS BROKEN WHEN IM HAVING A MELT DOWN “could you not sit down with me and show me for a few minutes?” NO I CANT BECAUSE I JUST SPENT THEPAST FIFTEEN MINUTES SLAMMING MY HEAD IN THE SHOWER

im not good it’s just not good. i want my fucking tablet pen i want to be normal. i want to…i cant even say what i want to do without having people worried for my safety. i just.

i can’t deal with being me much longer

[acespoliticalwaffles]

Finally got a call back from the autism assessment people. And what do you know? They said that insurance wouldn’t cover it so if we want to actually get me in to get tested it’ll be 4,000 US$ out of pocket. My parents said we can’t afford that right now.

This is what we mean when we say diagnosis is a privilege. Because in the US, it literally costs thousands of dollars for them to even look at you. And even if you can afford that, or your insurance will pay for it (most probably won’t), you still have to deal with doctors who have a very narrow view of what autism looks like, both in how it presents itself symptom-wise, and in how the people who have it look physically. If you do not fit the stereotype of Smart, but Socially Awkward White Boy, there is a chance they will reject you outright.

“Diagnosis is a privilege” doesn’t mean that only privileged people get diagnosed, or that your life must have been easy and perfect if you yourself were able to get one. It means that not everyone with certain conditions/disorders/neurodivergencies is able to get diagnosed with them for a variety of reasons that don’t include “they’re faking it”. And that is literally just a fact.

Like, seriously, what do people who think diagnosis isn’t a privilege think getting diagnosed is like? Like, with some disorders it’s much easier. I was diagnosed with depression the first day I saw my first psychiatrist. But most of the disorders they always claim people are faking (autism, adhd, did) are actually very difficult to get diagnosed with just because it takes so long and can often be very expensive. Like, I’ve literally been waiting to get diagnosed for almost half a year. And now they say they won’t even try unless we fork over $4,000. People who are against self-diagnosis are so fucking dense. Like, what do you want me to do? Say I don’t have autism because I couldn’t pay them to check??? Cause only rich people can have autism I guess./s

Knowing that I’m autistic has helped me understand a lot about myself that I didn’t before. It has helped me realize that some of my weak points (not being able to work with vague instructions, being very sensitive to criticism, etc.) have a reason behind them and other people experience them in similar ways. I am autistic. I do not have any doubts about being autistic. And I do not have to prove to strangers on the internet that I am autistic before I get to talk about my experiences with it without being relentlessly scrutinized.

Edit: Been seeing some ppl talk about this phrase in a way I hadn’t before and I want to clarify: getting diagnosed is not always actually good, especially when you’re very young and you don’t get to decide whether you want it or not. What I meant in this post is that access to diagnosis is a privilege. Hope that clears things up if you had questions. This was mainly meant to demonstrate that ppl who are against self-dx need to get their facts straight. I’m not actually here to talk about the privilege aspect very much either (I didn’t realize there was discourse there), but in short: it’s complicated, but it is often a result of some privilege that ppl are able to get diagnosed, especially later in life. I also want to make it clear that it’s very valid to not want a dx. I actually went back and forth on it myself bc of all the fucked up laws and discrimination and stuff. (Which is yet another reason self-dx is valid and sometimes the best option) So yeah. Idk, just wanted to make it clear what I’m trying to say.

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Hey I saw you were doing matchups and I've never done one so I was curious :) plus you seem nice

This is mainly for bg3 but I'm super into Hazbin as well if you feel like doing both 🫶

Gender- woman

Pronouns- she/her

Sexuality- pansexual

Appearance

Basically the best I could get without just putting a picture of myself. Keep my hair short, I love dyeing it, I've had it tons of colors but pink is my favorite. (having it up in two buns is my favorite style) I'm 5'2, curvy, my eyes are kinda downturned and brown. I have a freckle (mole? Kinda? Beauty mark?) above my lips on the left.

Mbti- INTJ

Personality- So I'm autistic, have trouble with certain social queues and expressing emotions. It actually caused a lot of problems growing up but I've gotten better about it now. I'm still really blunt at times and have been told my resting face looks really sad/upset 😅. I'm an optimistic realist, and generally difficult to upset. I cry when I get mad because I never learned to express being angry in a healthy way. I try to be sweet with people I'm familiar with, like making jokes and complimenting people, but I can be pretty mean/cold to people I don't like. I'm a writer, and an auditory learner, so I've always been told I'm an amazing listener. Which I do love listening to people, but I hate interrupting so I usually go entire conversations without saying much even if I have something to say- because I won't interject and by the time I get a word in the subject has changed. I'm a fast learner academically and like to think I'm open minded. Arguments annoy me, but I'm not above admitting I'm wrong. I am very passionate about the things I like, as well as morality based subjects. I also go somewhat nonverbal when I get overstimulated which happens mostly when I'm around a lot of people.

Likes:

-Storms are my favorite weather

-Rabbits are my favorite animals, I grew up with a bunch of them they're super misunderstood from what I know and make amazing pets

-Word association games for some reason? Also puzzles. They're just fun

Dislikes:

-Meat. I have trouble eating certain foods and most meat is in that. I'm not vegetarian but anything with bones or skin or chewy bits I just can't do 🥲

-Yelling. It just makes me upset even if it's not directed at me.

-When people don't think animals have feelings or make jokes about killing pets cause they think it's funny :(

Fun fact: I have photic sneeze reflex which means when my pupils dilate really fast due to a light change (usually going from inside to outside) it makes me sneeze!

Race: I'm a human obviously but I think I'd be a half elf (maybe a drow half elf even, just cause I don't prefer sunshine) in faerun just cause my ears are kinda pointy. I have connected earlobes so it makes them look somewhat more elfy.

Class: Probably an abjuration or conjuration wizard. Sorcerer would be cool but they're charisma based and I'm not very charismatic

Alignment: Lawful good? Or maybe just chaotic good I'm not sure, cause the law isn't always right funnily enough

Thanks, even if you don't get to this. I started posting on Tumblr recently and I know how difficult it is to get to a bunch of asks so no worries if you can't get to it.

You are so sweet, I am sorry it took so long to get to your request, but it is finally time to get your match out!

~~~~~ MATCHUPS ~~~~~

BG3

Halsin

~~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~~

Halsin is one with nature, so he enjoys all animals and people no matter what.

He finds your reserved nature interesting. As you are the leader of your misfits, your timidity doesn't quite match your fearless leadership of lives.

He realizes how sweet you are once he joins you in the hunt for the ones behind the illithids.

He struggled to determine if you were sad or if your face was just reading sad.

Halsin is just as awkward himself. Though he has lived for hundreds of years, it is hard to keep up with all the changes that come with that.

When he started developing feelings for you, he was very timid about expressing them. Though love is natural and part of nature, he didn't want to frighten you.

When he found you crying one day because a villager upset you, he was as wild as a bear at that moment.

He stayed back to comfort you but gave a piece of his mind to spare you the argument when you were elsewhere.

Halsin tries hard to help keep the peace among the others, especially after seeing you get overwhelmed by a fight that broke out between La'zel and Shadowheart.

When he confesses to you, he rambles. Because you don't say anything, he thinks you now hate him, so he rambles more. Once he lets you get a say-in and you confess back, he's the happiest ever.

~~~~~ BLURB ~~~~~

You had been tending to the animals near the camp. Though you were soon to leave this area and venture further through Faerun, you wanted to make sure the little friends you made would be okay. You heard giant footsteps approaching behind you as you doled out nuts, berries, and some dried meats for the creatures. Turning gently so as not to frighten away the creatures, you find Halsin also helping tend to the animals.

His love and care for the world around him was so sweet to you. He was a fantastic man who flawlessly met your and the group's needs. Sometimes, you wondered about letting him lead as the new group's leader. Halsin had already turned that notion down since you were more than capable in his eyes.

Once the creatures were tended, Halsin walked up to you. He gently placed some fallen hair back in its intended spot before gently cupping your face. He was always so warm and protective, which helped put you at ease through this whole ordeal with the mind flayers. Nuzzling into his hand and smiling up at him, Halsin gently placed a kiss on your forehead. You two embraced this soft moment before the next battle took place.

~~~~~ EXTRA ~~~~~

(You had just finished a battle; only Gale came out scathed because he didn't listen to a call out from you or Shadowheart.)

Halsin: My Gale, how did you get so beat up?

Shadowheart: Maybe because he's a lunatic who doesn't listen to instructions.

Gale: Hold on, I don't know how this is my fault when you could have simply healed me on the field.

Shadowheart: Why would I heal you when you blatantly didn't listen?

Halsin: Everyone, you don't need to worry about fighting. It's okay. I will tend to the wounds.

Y/N: I also called out to him to move from the spot where he got shot.

Halsin: Never mind, Gale, figure it out on your own.

HAZBIN HOTEL

Charlie Morningstar

~~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~~

Charlie is the embodiment of chaotic goodness. She just wants to help everyone and make the world a better place.

She loves animals, people, and really everything. If she could express her happiness and love any better, she would.

She was taken aback by how reserved you were when you came to the hotel. Usually, people in hell were brazen.

As she got to know you, she enjoyed the wisdom you offered.

She did everything to put a smile on your face, mostly because she enjoyed your happiness and because she couldn't tell when you were sad or just thinking.

She goes full momma demon mode when someone upsets you, with no hesitation the claws are barred.

She tries really hard to be a listener for you instead of you listening to her. Though Charlie tends to ramble, especially about her ideas, she always wants to hear your input.

When there is violence or issues in the hotel, she makes sure you are first safe and far away. Once things have calmed down, she will come and get you.

She didn't really confess to you. One day, you two were friends, and the next, she was talking to you about being in a relationship.

~~~~~ BLURB ~~~~~

Charlie had been diligently working at her desk on her next big plan to rehabilitate sinners. While she was working away, you had taken refuge on her bed, writing in your journal. You enjoyed the monotony of your growing relationship, where even if you two weren't actively doing the same thing, you still chose each other. As you got to the climax of your story, a frustrated groan was heard next to you.

Turning your attention to the princess, you noticed she had scrapped another idea of hers. Sitting up, you slowly made your way over to her to see what seemed to be causing the hiccup in her mental process. Charlie was full of amazing ideas; just some were far harder to attain than others, and you both knew that. So sometimes, just offering your own insights helped her reimagine an idea she was having.

Taking your spot next to her, you noticed that instead of working on sinners like you thought, she was working on your next birthday. You laughed gently at her, causing her to snap to her senses and look over at you. Knowing she had been caught, she gave up and let you look at what she had been working on. You smiled and gently took Charleis's hand in yours, "You know I would be happy with just spending the day lounging around with you, right?" This was enough to spread a giant smile across the princess of Hell's face.

~~~~~ EXTRA ~~~~~

(The new hotel had been built, and Charlie was eager to welcome new sinners. However, no one showed up the first day, making her sad.)

Y/N: Charlie, it's okay. I am sure there will be some tomorrow or the next day.

Charlie: But how will we beat heaven if no one gets rehabilitated.

Y/N: We can't force people to stay; we need them to come on their own.

Charlie: but I made cupcakes.

Y/N: How about I eat one with you?

Charlie: ( sniffles ) Okay.

[celabi]

I feel like I should put a TW here but I don't know what terms to put specifically so I'll just say I talk a lot about the negative aspects to autistic special interests (specifically really intense ones since I feel like special interests don't get shown in this sort of light much even though it is absolutely an experience that comes with autism?) , mentions of dizzy spells, sleep deprivation, fainting, lack of eating (not intentional/not eating disorder related), overall bad living habits, meltdown mentions, minor mentions of self injurious self-soothing stims, honestly near the end this just becomes a word vomit of me obsessing over Scara with an autistic reader in general near the end because genshin and this man specifically have an absolute chokehold on my poor weak autistic ass and 90% may or may not be my personal experience lmao bye- I probably missed some TWs but like just know there's a lot- I don't know I am going insane lmao

Okay so I know the consensus headcanon wise with scummy Scara is that when it comes to the reader doing things or asking for things his spine is essentially the equivalent of a wet tissue some left on a counter and forgotten about but like- What if he were in a scenario where the reader doing whatever they want was an active detriment to their own health?

Like the main idea in my head since it's an issue I myself suffer with really greatly is like what if he was with an autistic reader who experiences extremely intense special interests and forgets to perform basic tasks like eating, showering or even sleeping as a result of their interest being so intense and unmanaged? Cause it's like on one end bro wants to be supportive towards them and their interest, especially if like they've mentioned that they bring up the thing so much because they're autistic and it's their special interest, no way in hell is bro gonna skip the chance to be seen as an ally to the reader in that sense. Bro would probably yell at the fucking sun like an absolute mad man for making everything so bright and overstimulating if his poor darling ended up being overloaded by it and had a meltdown- But on the other he's watching them develop intense dizzy spells and like seeing them struggle to take two steps to the couch or to a chair while dazed as hell and whenever it's brought up they're just "Oh it's fine, I was just up till 6 in the morning last night because I was doing something related to my interest-". Or like he'll ask them when the last time they ate a proper meal was and they'll just "Oh I forgot I had to do that" or "Well I ate a chocolate bar like a day ago so that should be fine right?" And bro is just internally panicking like "No that is not fine how are you even alive?????"

And it's like he can't just cut the interest out completely since it's basically integral for the reader to have their special interest fix daily otherwise it can be really detrimental to them mentally and he doesn't wanna put them through that distress but like it's not like he would be able to like introduce them to a healthier routine either since like Motherfucker does it look like he knows what a healthy routine is?

Like bro is literally just out here like

"Babe I love you and I'm glad you're passionate about something but please, please go to sleep it's almost 7 in the morning I'm worried" he says knowing full well he was probably playing Valorant or something and would probably end up pulling an all nighter- Don't question how he knows they were up, it's definitely not like he's monitoring them through some cameras he managed to set up in their room

"Sweetie please tell me you ate something yesterday- Wait what do you mean you skipped dinner last night???? No a packet of chips doesn't count, You're lucky I happened to bring some extra leftovers" yes he probably invited himself over to make them a proper meal tailored to their preferences after this 🥰

The reader has an incident where they end up fainting while doing basically nothing cause their body was just done and Scara's immediately invited himself over for the week just to make sure they don't have any other complications or episodes- Probably even offers to bathe with them just in case they end up fainting while in the bath or shower-

Also not related to the health negligence but still on the topic of him with an autistic reader I love the idea of him letting the reader like scratch and claw at his arm (he doesn't care since he already does it himself) whenever they're experiencing a meltdown just so they can like get the "self-soothing" from it without them doing it to themselves- Although he probably struggles with giving them space when they need it- Also bro probably feels so fucking bad in the early days of like learning how to help them out when they're having a meltdown when he finds out him constantly asking questions about what happened made it worse for them since they can't physically speak in that state and asking questions just draws their attention to that and makes them feel even more helpless and overstimmed than before- He had his heart in the right place though :(

And God forbid if anyone makes an offhand comment about the reader acting a little "weird " socially bro has a whole "Uhm actually they're autistic you dick-" essay ready to go even if the person was nice about it- Qnd God forbid they did mean to mock them, bro is immediately on offensive mode even though he'll probably end up getting his own ass beat-

He probably doesn't care if he has to help them cut their own food because they struggle with the actual motor function required to do it properly- He'll happily do it for them- If they're in public and he has to do it he doesn't care, if anyone wants to give him or god forbid his darling weird looks then they can mind their own fucking business- Maybe he'll have to remember that person for later, just to make sure they get the memo-

ALSO assuming he's also autistic (hahaha not me projecting myself on him at all lmao) the dynamic is just the "Me and the autistic bad bitch I pulled by also being autistic-"

I don't even know if this is comprehensible or if I've just gone insane lmao- I nearly fainted at work yesterday because I stupidly stayed up till 4 in the morning playing Genshin because I have yet to manage my intense special interest towards it yet and my brain is scrambled to all hell- No thoughts, head empty, Only Genshin and Scara with his autistic bad bitch reader-

Also tried to make this open for anyone else who has autism too but it's probably really heavily injected with my own personal experience because I don't know how else to like talk about those things so like- I tried to make it open but it's difficult-

👀👀👀👀 wow I loved this so much it’s so interesting <3333 he just he just he just 🥹🥹🥹 trying to help reader while also trying to help himself r ahhhhh “bae go to sleep it’s 3 am” but he’s also awake and can’t sleep ahh in love. He’s always reminding you to do things he knows you would have looked past on, like showering and sleeping , and he’s no cook, but will whip up 5 course meals when he knows you haven’t been eating 🥺🥺

[smiggles]

This is gonna be abit of a mouthful, but I need to get it off my chest now that years have passed and we've (hopefully you have too) matured by now.

I once looked up to you, but that was a very long time ago. The trauma you caused me is irreversible. tbf I used to be a brat and if I could go back in time to backhand my younger self I would, I own up to that. But I was only a teenager, still growing and learning about myself and how to talk to others properly. Turns out I was pretty much autistic, so communication wasn't my strong point at all back then.

But even then, your two-faced behavior of proudly shitting on and bragging about how much money you were ripping off the furry community, the people who actively supported you, loved your work and paid your bills, was appalling. I had every right to call you out on it. Instead of accepting it was wrong, you sent your roommates out like attack dogs to fight your battles, defend your toxic behavior and harass me. Every time I blocked them they would find a different site to attack me on. I struggled to make friends for years after that incident, I felt I couldn't trust anyone because of what you guys did.

Years passed, and I genuinely hoped you had changed for the better, only to see a callout post during pride of all times, about your grossly acephobic attitude. I had friends who were blocked by you and didn't understand why. You need to understand your damaging actions have severe affects on real people, and when you make public apologies, the people who comment saying they forgive you don't count if they weren't the ones hurt by you. They don't speak for those affected.

I'm not looking for an apology, even if given one I probably wouldn't accept it after all the damage you've done to me. I have zero interest in you being in my life again. I just wanted to give you this perspective to get it off my chest and for you to mull on, I want you to use it to improve yourself as a person moving forward. See the wrong in your actions, how badly it affects others, and make the choice to make things right.

But that's up to you now.

Hey, I know who this is an I want you to know that I think about you often.

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Sometimes your stuff shows up on my feed or someone shares something with me that youve made because we have common interests and I think to myself Im glad theyre doing well and I hope youre surrounded by people who support you. I dont say this as a way to like Save face because this is a public anon. I would say this to you in private if I could. I was a very nasty person years and years ago and no apology will take back the pain Ive caused others from that. Especially not you. But I am sorry. I wish things could have been different. I do. For the acephobia. Yes. I was acephobic and horrible about it. I hurt a lot of people from that and cant ever take that back but know that Ive learned a lot about how to treat others and unpack the internalized hatred towards my own ace'ness and how others present themselves. I also want to say I never sent my roommates on you. That was a choice they did on their own without my knowledge. I never ever want someone to go after anyone on my behalf and while it is likely hard to believe that those who have known me these past 5-6 years can vouch that as true. I have on multiple occasions asked my friends to leave people alone I end up disagreeing with. I never name drop people I dont get along with. I dont even tell people besides my very very private close friends about what happened between me and you and that might be about 3 or 4 people at most. As for blocking? I block very liberally LOL and its almost never personal. I block people for the smallest things just to curate my social media experience. If you ever wanted to reconnect and try again Im here. And I have no hatred in my heart. I have held myself accountable all these years for things I should have done better. Handled softer. In the end Truly. Im glad youve made a beautiful career out of something you love and no matter what happens between us I hope you continue to thrive. With all my heart.