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#probably more about maria tbh
paranormal-potatoes · 2 years
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gehrman and maria are both autistic bc i said so. gehrman is also very adhd. reasons being i can see some of my traits and habits in them. and the rest is projecting lol
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brother-emperors · 4 months
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some sketches of Lorenzo de Medici and Galeazzo Maria Sforza :)
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!
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The intricate mysteries of Divine Providence have decreed that there are some people I talk to frequently and spend a lot of time with but don't understand in the slightest, and some people I interact with seldom but still have extreme insight to speak truth into their souls.
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mistninja · 5 months
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We made it to drum island. Do u guys think the live action will cut out Dalton or not
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wallissa · 1 month
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Noticed an overlap in my Frankenbilly & Butchlander playlists. Everybody’s darling with ego issues desperate for some attention from a widower with a vendetta. A guy named Billy is there.
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fortemelody · 26 days
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AHHHSHFBTKFNTLFKGNFMDM SONIC 3 TRAILER SONIC 3 TRAILER SONIC 3 TRAILER IM LOOSING MY SHIT RN
here’s some things i noticed/wondered/loved:
- i think in that scene where tom is on the ground yelling for sonic, he is wearing a special forces suit. maybe he upgraded from cop to working with gun?? if so i think that’s a really good use of his character actually! he wanted to save a life and raise a family above all else yes, but he still got his previous dream of doing more serious cop work!
- shadow just. has a big ass portal?? like holy shit he’s just suckin the life outta earth and ig that’s one way to do it (or maybe it’s just a ring and i’m stupid idek)
- i’m sure we’ll learn more about this in the actual movie so i’m not too worried, but i’m super confused at the very beginning scene. apparently sonic didn’t change his heart…but he did tho? like he learned what being a true hero meant in the last movie. tbh i feel like that’s enough but hey i’m not against more character development for our boy so!! (also that bit where he’s like “in my lungs” was actually really funny to me, ben schwartz’ awesome delivery caught me off guard)
- GERALD ROBOTNIK ALIVE HUUUUH?! tbh i would’ve preferred if maria was alive, i feel like that would be an interesting dynamic. but also ig that would make it harder for shadow to learn anything so i totally get it. anyways i’m just glad they’re putting a little twist on the story, it keeps it interesting. they already sorta did that with the knuckles and iblis thing actually! (even if that show sucked ass and although that probably wasn’t intentional 😭)
- even tho bro only got like… 3 lines, i really think keanu fits shadow. he’s very soft spoken in comparison to the rest of the case which feels nice. also he’s like the “really bad” guy so ofc he’s not gonna be yappin on and on like sonic or robotnik and he’s gonna take things uber seriously.
- where was my girl maddie :( i think she was only in like a singular frame. hope shes in the movie a somewhat significant amount. i heart pretzel lady!! could live without wade tho like pls im so sick of his bowling soap opera 💀
- FAT ROBOTNIK FAT ROBOTNIK FAT ROBOTNIK!!! after fucking 3 movies they finally fulfilled jim carrey’s wishes!! let the man get creative like please i love jim carrey sm aughdfhfnfmschxj. also love how we got so much stobonik content within that short scene like jesus come get y’all’s food
- shadow at one point says something along the lines of “when we’re done, there won’t be anything left.” maybe i’m reading WAY to into this but what does the “we’re” part mean?? is he working with others? i feel like this is either gonna be team dark or some new movie exclusive character(s). edit: someone made a valid point that he’s actually probably referring to gerald (look at reblogs!)
-CHAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lowkey wonder if the room therye in is like an amusement park or somethin like that
- no sign of amy :( but honestly my prediction now is that she’s gonna be the post credit scene teaser cus they always do a new character reveal there. first tails, then shadow. and honestly now i think it might be better that way so shadow can have a chance to breathe and show his story in full. i’m pretty sure i vaguely remember colleen (tails’ VA) being kinda mysterious about amy’s appearance when asked, and also the fact that it was confirmed that this isn’t the end of the movie franchise/universe. but ig we’ll just have to wait and see!
so sorry i stated this yesterday morning to give my initial thoughts but then got busy and completely forgot to post/finish it. and today i started (and am close to finishing) a very long edit of the trailer, so be on the look out for that too!
genuinely i feel like this movie is gonna somehow be even more record breaking than any of the previous movies and i am so here for the hype 🙏
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corpsekitsune · 4 months
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Requests open? If so could u please do some Yandere Shadow The Hedgehog Hc’s please <3
You didn’t specify if you wanted platonic or romantic so I’m just going to do both.
YAN SHADOW HEADCANONS
Cw:SWEARING ((this is is written by a teenager and oh boy do I talk like one)), Yandere content, bad formatting
((This is all over the place and super old))
Depending on when in the timeline it takes place is whether or not he’s violent towards others.
SA2 shadow is stunted
He’s angry that he even allowed himself to care about someone again.
Whether it be platonic or romantic he isn’t happy that you matter to him.
Sonic Heroes shadow is so infatuated, he wonders if he knew you before
He wants to know more about you but he’s too busy struggling to remember who he was
But that doesn’t really matter you asked for general headcanons
In romantic scenarios I imagine him being extremely old fashioned
Going so far as to get you roses and write you letters
Letters that seem a bit concerning but it’s Shadow so it probably doesn’t mean anything right?
Platonic Yan Shadow is adorable, makes sure you’re eating correctly, shares his dark brooding thoughts with you
Tbh I don’t think he’s the stalker type??
He just knows you so well he believes that watching you would prove unnecessary
He’s a very attentive person to those he cares about imo and will remember something you told him MONTHS prior
He’s really good if you’re bad at remembering things but that’s just Shadow
With Shadow, I genuinely believe with how much trauma he’s had he’d naturally even without the tag yandere be insanely protective of you
He’ll cut off people he deems unworthy or not good for you without much of a thought
Platonic or Romantic he’s not letting you get hurt, just the thought of you getting a scrape on the knee sets him off
REALLY BAD ABOUT DISASSOCIATING WHEN YOU MENTION BEING UPSET OR HURT
He fucking hates it loathes it even
Also he’s not very violent just super threatening
I know he seems like the calculated type of yandere but he’s an emotionally stunted dork
He sees himself above others in most cases but with you it’s different
Platonic, he sees you like Maria
A faultless being
Romantic, he wants you so desperately to pull him up and save him
“They can fix me.” Type shit but you don’t he built like this.
I HAD THIS IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS I PROMISE ILL START WRITING AGAIN GIVE ME TIME
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motherjoel · 1 month
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something special (part 2) (joel miller/reader)
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part 2 to something special!! i recommend reading that first but tbh it doesn't matter too much
wc: 5.3k
warnings: fluffy and maybe a teensy bit angsty. uhhhh smut? oral f!receiving and pee pee in wee wee
a/n: omg like i wrote part one of this so long ago but I was struck with inspiration and horniness so I made a part 2!!! i hope you guys like this, it was really fun to write lmao BUT PLS don't be mad if its a little ooc and also ignore marias whole backstory cause reader is her sister and they didn't have parents so Jackson wasn't created by their dad idk the logistics just bear with me here.
PART ONE
-
His tongue skated lightly over your neck, his left hand resting firmly on the back of your head and his right on the sliver of bare skin between your t-shirt and pants. The kitchen counter was cold against your back, the granite digging into your spine. You let a soft moan escape your lips as he sucked a particularly sensitive part of your neck, prompting him to move his lips to your own with a growl. His hands migrated to your hips, tapping them to urge you to hop up onto the counter. As you move to slide up, his hands grip your waist and lift you the rest of the way. 
 You briefly break the kiss to situate yourself before diving back in, your core now warm against his stomach. You work to lift his shirt off, him returning the favor. Then, the doorbell rings. He doesn’t acknowledge it, but it doesn’t stop. You both try to ignore it, though it's persistent in its ringing.
You wake with a start, sweat now cooling on the back of your neck that makes you shiver. Your legs clench together in the aftermath of your dream, the telltale signs between your legs indicating what had just happened. You smile to yourself, noting that this is the first time you’ve dreamed in months. You’d much preferred this to the screaming and blood of your nightmares.
The doorbell continues to ring, and after a groan into your pillow, you stand and rub your eyes. You can’t tell if the dizziness you’re feeling is a consequence of the drinks you’d had or the dream you’d had. Either way, you push it aside to open the door.
“Jesus, you look like shit,” Maria chuckles as she pushes herself inside your house, carrying a heavily packed tote bag. 
“Thanks, it's a new look I'm trying,” you turn away from her to head to the kitchen for a glass of water as she makes herself comfortable.
“Well I’m sure Joel would love it,” she smirks, seating herself at the kitchen table. You blush at the thought of the man you’d been dreaming of moments before. 
“God, last night was…” you shake your head, “did I embarrass myself?” you ask with a wince. Maria snorts a laugh.
“Quite the opposite, actually. I think you made… quite the impression. Or at least, that's what Tommy said,” she begins to unpack the bag she brought. Inside is the biggest breakfast sandwich you’ve ever seen and some coffee grounds. You’d told Maria you needed more just yesterday, and her thoughtful ass just had to get you some. You almost rolled your eyes at the level of thoughtfulness.
“Wait… Tommy? Did he talk to Joel? What did Joel say? Does he… what does he think of me? Did I embarrass myself? Oh my god, Maria, he probably thinks i'm crazy,” you rant, waiting for her to interrupt you. She watches, almost too amused to stop you.
“Yes, yes. Tommy talked to Joel... which I’m not happy about, by the way!” she pauses to give you a look, but you groan, urging her to continue. “Okay, okay. He said… he said something about you being ‘special’. Tommy thinks he’s a goner,” Maria scoffs and moves to the old coffee pot you have on the counter to make a fresh pot. 
“Oh… thats… wow,” you can’t quite find the words you’re looking for. You feel like a blushing schoolgirl. 
“Yeah, well…” Maria pauses, both of her hands on the counter as she thinks. She turns back to you. “Just… be careful, yeah?” you furrow your brows at her words.
“What do you mean? I’m a grown adult, I think I can handle myself,” you feel yourself getting frustrated at her words, as if she doesn’t have any confidence in your own abilities.
“I know you can handle yourself. You’re an independant badass, we’re all aware,” she raises her hands in defense as you give her a small smile. “I just mean… It's Joel. Tommy told me some things about him… things he did before he came here, and-” you cut her off.
“Alright, I don’t need to hear this. Maria, seriously, we all did things to survive! I’m definitely not somebody to judge,” you lower your head, flashes of pre-Jackson floating through your head.
“I know, I’m just saying. Be careful, alright?” you nod before grabbing your sandwich and sitting at the table.
“Alright,” you take a bite of the sandwich and let out a moan. “Fuck that’s good. Okay, so what else did Tommy say?”
-
Joel forgot what a hangover felt like. He’d vaguely remembered the head-pounding nausea of his youth, but a memory is nothing like the real thing. The real thing was much, much worse.
As he lies in his bed, thumb and pointer finger pinching the bridge of his nose, he recounts the previous night. He remembers the vitriol spewing from that man's lips and he can't help but mentally thank him for facilitating your encounter. He remembers the bottle of pinot noir, particularly the way it tasted on your tongue. He smiles to himself, the unfamiliar butterflies in his stomach unsettling him as much as exciting him. He needed to see you, and soon. Maybe if he got the courage to leave the house.
Before he can make up his mind, his doorbell rings. With a groan, he stands from his bed. Damn knees. After taking a moment to steady himself, he makes his way down the stairs. He glances at his coffee pot, noting the lack of coffee grounds. He softly curses to himself, realizing he’ll have to figure out how to get some. Tommy had given him a tour of the town when he first arrived to officially settle in, but he’s realizing just how little he’d absorbed. 
Pulling himself from his thoughts, he swings open his door to see you. You, with your shy smile and your bright eyes. You wear a loose-fitting flannel, and jealousy tugs at his gut as he thinks about who’s flannel that could be. Butterflies soon replace the jealousy as he imagines that it’s his own. His own, meaning he could probably take it off himself. You open your mouth to speak, cutting him off from his thoughts.
“Here,” you stretch out your arm. Joel notices, for the first time, a mug of black coffee in your hand. His mouth opens a bit as he gasps softly, hoping that you didn't hear. “It’s a bitch trying to get coffee grounds around here, but I figured I’d share my stash,” you shrugged, still holding the mug out with an awkward smile. He reaches for it, your fingers grazing as he grabs the warm mug.
“Thanks,” he replies shortly, taking a small sip and rolling his eyes back into his head. “Jesus, that's good,” he chuckles softly before taking another sip.
You watch him drink, his throat bobbing as he sips. His lips glisten with the coffee, and it takes all of your willpower not to taste them yourself. You look down to the white t-shirt he’s wearing, tufts of hair poking out of the top. His flannel pajama pants make you giggle- he looks like someone's father. Someone's sexy father.
“Something funny?” he raises his eyebrow before taking another sip, savoring the bitterness he’d missed so dearly.
“No, nothing it's just… you look cute when you wake up,” you blush, eyeing the way his hand rests on his hip. His shirt rides up under his hand, the small sliver of skin like a car crash you can’t stop looking at.
“Cute? I look… cute?” Joel raises his eyebrows more, if even possible. He can’t recall a woman ever calling him cute. Certainly not a woman he was… interested in. 
“You know what I mean,” you nudge his arm before pulling your hand back, crossing your arms so as not to touch him more than you already had. Joel didn’t really know what you mean.
“Well, you do, too. Look cute, I mean,” he scratches the back of his neck, studying the freckles on your face. The way they move when you talk and smile. You’re gorgeous and it makes Joel realize just how out of his element he is. He feels himself grow cold, ice freezing over the warm puddle you turned his heart into. “I have to, uh,” he points his thumb inside, desperately thinking of an excuse to get away from you so he could calm the beating of his heart. He fails to think of one.
“Oh,” your face falls a bit but you quickly plaster a smile on your face. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around,” you turn on your heel, the warmth of embarrassment creeping up your neck and onto your cheeks. 
Jesus, what were you thinking? This man has a daughter and at least 10 years on you. Those things didn’t matter to you whatsoever, especially now, but they probably mattered to him, right? You shake your head as you approach the stables, ready for a day of work. As much as you love human interaction, you really loved working with the horses. They obviously can’t judge you, so you tell them all of your problems as a way of working things out. 
You approached Jessa, a filly born about a year ago. She was completely brown except for a few white spots on her head and around her ankles. You call them her boots. 
“What am I gonna do here, Jess?” you frown, opening her stall and taking a seat on a milk crate next to her. She whinnies softly. “I know, I know, I’m crazy, right?” Jessa huffs. “We were drunk, Jess. It was a mistake, I guess,” you stand, pet her head, and leave her to see Joel standing awkwardly at the front of the stables. Your heart drops at the possibility of him overhearing you. He fidgets before speaking up. 
“I’m supposed to meet Tommy,” he murmurs, looking anywhere but you.
“Oh. What for?” you ask, noting the accidental edge in your own voice. Joel's eyebrows pinch together at your tone.
“Uh, patrol. Training,” he clears his throat. “About, um, earlier,” he starts, taking a small step closer to you. Before he continues, Tommy enters. 
“Well, hello there, lovebirds,” Tommy strides through the stables confidently, a stark contrast to his brother. He ruffles the hair on your head and you swat his hand away, rolling your eyes at his brotherly nature. You choose to ignore his nickname for the two of you, opting to help them get their horses for patrol.
“So, you trainin’ him?” you ask, reaching to grab the saddles from the wall. Joel doesn’t miss the way your shirt rides up. 
“Yeah, gettin’ the old man ready to start pulling some weight around here,” he smirks when Joel visibly rolls his eyes. 
“Ah, well, good luck out there,” you smile and hand Tommy the reins, ignoring Joel completely. Tommy raises an eyebrow but chooses to stay silent, thanking you and leading Joel to the gates.
-
Joel was never a smooth man. Even in his prime, he didn’t date much. It's not like he had much of a prime, what with having Sarah so young. He wouldn’t have traded her for the world, but it's a simple fact. Joel was out of his element. He’s kicking himself from the second you walk away. How did he fuck up so badly?
As he shuts the door, he turns to see Ellie at the kitchen table, watching his every move.
“When the hell’d you get here?” he starts, eyeing down Ellie who is currently staring him down with wide eyes.
“Like 20 minutes ago, you walked right past me,” she shrugged and took a bite of the granola bar in front of her. She speaks before swallowing “the fuck was that, by the way?” she questions. Joel grimaces.
“Don’t talk with food in your mouth. S’impolite,” he walks past her to sit on his couch, mug of coffee in his hands. He studies the mug, ceramic and plain for the most part, aside from the brown owl on the front. He wonders if he’s going to give it back to you. 
“That was Maria’s sister, right? The one from last night?” she smirks at the shock on his face.
“How the hell’d you-” he starts before she cuts him off.
“Come on Joel. First of all, the front porch? Not exactly a private venue,” she starts, shoving more of the granola into her mouth. Joel groans in annoyance. “Second, my friend Dina told me she saw you guys at the Tipsy Bison. She said there was totally some chemistry,” she laughs.
“Friend? Who is she? Can I meet ‘er?” Joel perks up at her words, excited that she has a friend, but also trying to get out of the conversation they’re having.
“Yeah, she's really cool. I met her at movie night, she- wait, no you're not getting out of this!” She stands from the table to join him on the couch.
“There is no ‘this’. I’m pretty sure she wants nothing to do with me now,” Joel traces his fingers over the grooves in his mug. Your mug. Ellie rolls her eyes.
“What do you mean? Y’all were totally getting it on,” she laughs, as he shoves the side of her arm, trying to hide his smirk.
“Y’all? What’re you, a cowboy?” he huffs a laugh. 
“Learned from the best,” she gives him a cheeky grin. “I think… maybe you should talk to her. Adults are so dumb, like, half of the world's problems could be solved by just talking to each other,” she furrows her brows for a moment. “Well, except for the whole ‘infected’ thing. That’d probably take a bit more.” Joel can’t help but laugh at her train of thought. 
“Maybe I will,” Joel pats her knee and stands up, setting the mug in the sink. He’d probably give it to Maria to return to you. 
He didn’t plan on trying to talk to you again. He’d just screw it up, he thought. Images of you were scattered throughout his mind all morning, and he was kicking himself for his lack of social skills. Before he could kick himself anymore, he saw you. He’d had no idea you ran the stables. If he’d known, maybe he could have prepared himself. Maybe think of a few words to say. Instead, he was his usual, awkward self. 
The patrol goes how he’d expected it to. Tommy notices he’s quieter than usual, which is saying a lot. The route they took was empty except for a small group of runners that they took out with ease. Joel just wants to be in his bed, asleep. He doesn’t want to have to think. He’s afraid he won't be able to get back as soon as he’d hoped, Tommy leaving him alone at the stables to return the horses. Tommy had said something about ‘getting home to the old ball and chain’ that made Joel roll his eyes, but he relented nevertheless. 
His heart pinches in worry when he doesn’t immediately see you. He figures it's for the best- the horses are already in their stalls, and maybe he can just sneak out without checking in with you. He’s about to do just that when he hears raised voices coming from your small office. He quietly walks closer to the door, trying to listen in.
“I told you, I’m sorry!” he hears a male voice echo under the door, and it’s familiar. He wracks his brain to figure out who it was.
“Justin, I told you it’s fine! I don’t care! I’m sorry, but I’m not interested anyway,” he hears your voice now, smooth as silk. His heart skips a beat.
“You’re only saying that because you don’t know me, baby,” he feels disgust at the male voice now, recognizing it as the man from last night. He fights every urge inside of him to not burst inside that room right now. 
“Hey, get off me!” he hears you yell. His fight to suppress his urges is completely gone as he hears you in distress, slamming the door open to the sight of you pinned against your desk, this ‘Justin’ guy grabbing your wrist with a bruising pressure.
“The hells goin on here?” Joel asks, chest heaving.
“None of your business, old man. We were just… talking, right?” Justin smirks to you. Joel notices the fear in your eyes and his heart cracks a bit.
“Um… right, yeah. It’s fine, Joel,” you say, unconvincingly. You widen your eyes to urge him to leave. As if he ever would. 
“How bout we all go home, yeah?” Joel asks, taking a step closer. Justin takes this as a threat, releasing you to turn to face Joel.
“And what if we don’t want to, huh?” Justin crosses his arms. Joel looks down at him, grateful for the 2 or 3 inches he has on him.
“Oh, I think you want to,” Joel says sternly. Justin takes this as an opportunity to push his shoulders, slamming him into the wall behind him. Joel is taken off guard, but he can’t help but chuckle. “You didn’t want to do that, kid.”
“Seriously, man? All this for some bitch who doesn’t even put out?” Justin smirks as if he’d won the argument. Without skipping a beat, Joel's fist is in his face, knocking him to the ground. You yelp, jumping out of the way.
“Fuck, dude!” Justin yells from the ground grabbing his bleeding and possibly broken nose. Joel shakes his hand, stretching his fingers. His knuckles fucking hurt, but its hard to focus on that when he sees the way you’re looking at him.
“Get the fuck out,” you robotically say to Justin.
“But- h-he-” he tries to speak.
“I said get the fuck out!” you raise your voice, pulling him off of his feet and pushing him out the door. Joel watches him like a hawk as he leaves, ready to punch him a million more times if he needed to. The two of you stand in silence for a few moments  before you decide to speak up.
“How was patrol?” you ask, fidgeting with your hands. He huffs a laugh, taking you by surprise. “What?” you smile slightly.
“Nothing, it's just… after everything that just happened, you’re asking me about patrol?” he looks into your eyes, noticing the heat in them. He’s sure he has the same look in his own.
“Are you… okay?” you ask, ignoring his question. 
“You’re asking me if I’m okay?” he asks, incredulous. You nod, with an mmhmm. You bite your lip and Joel isn’t sure if it's the adrenaline or if he finally grew some balls, but he surges forward and in a single step, he has your face cradled in his hands. 
“I-is this… okay?” he whispers against your lips, feeling your hot breath on his own. You nod before reaching up to clutch his flannel in your hands, pulling his lips to your own. Joel unwittingly moans into the kiss. He fucking moans. He’s almost mortified. Almost. When you moan in response, he’s only urged on further, slowly walking you backwards until your ass is pressed against the desk. He taps the side of your hip, motioning for you to hop up. You separate for all of 3 seconds, settling  on the desk, when his lips are back on yours. 
You whine into his mouth, spurring him further. He fiddles with the bottom of your flannel, itching to rip it off but maintaining some restraint. Before he can think too deeply, you reach out to the bottom button of his own flannel. 
“S’this- this ok-kay?” you ask between breaths. 
“More’n okay, darling,” he smiles softly, leaning down to kiss your neck while you work on the buttons. You giggle at the sensation. “What?” Joel asks with a small smile.
“It’s hard to… focus… when… ahhh,” Joel reattaches his lips to your neck with a smile. He feels like a teenager again, kissing his crush in secret. It’s thrilling to him, really.
You’ve never been more turned on in your entire life. You thought that dream had made you insanely wet, but Jesus, this was something else. You do finally manage to get his shirt off, leaving him in a white t-shirt. He continues to fiddle with your shirt, causing you to pull back for a moment. He furrows his eyebrows, wondering if he did something wrong. You whip your shirt over your head, leaving you in only your plain black bra. You wish you’d worn something lacy and pretty, but considering there wasn't a Victoria’s Secret nearby, you weren’t that upset. 
It’s been a very long time for Joel. Though he was out of practice, he was pretty sure he remembered what to do. He certainly didn’t have a hard time showing how much he wanted you, his erection painfully strained against his pants. Women liked that, right? But, you weren’t just any woman. You were… something else. At the sight of you in just your bra and jeans, Joel knew he was done for. And your smile, that damned smile… it felt like worship in a world without faith. 
You wanted more, so you took it. Reaching to the hem of his white t-shirt, you lifted to pull his shirt off so that you’re skin to skin. The first thing you notice is how fucking warm he was. The next thing you noticed was his scar-riddled chest. You trace them softly with your fingers, the raised skin smooth against you. He looks down at you, his eyes softening as you observe his body. 
“You’re beautiful,” you whisper, looking up to meet his eyes. He laughs softly.
“You’re one to talk,” he says before taking your lips against his again. He feels spurred on by your words and actions- he now has no doubt now that you want this as badly as him. 
“Take my pants off, Joel,” you smirk, unbuttoning them yourself to give him a head start. He laughs before pulling them down the rest of the way leaving you in your underwear and bra. He reaches his hand forward, mouth slack as he presses his hand against your core, palming you over your underwear.
“Mmmmmfuck,” you moan, head bobbing onto his shoulder.
“This alright?” he asks, restraining a moan at the dampness of your underwear.
“Please, keep going,” you grind into the palm of his hand.
Without hesitation, he traces his hand up your mound, purposely putting pressure on your clit, before reaching the hem of your underwear and sliding his fingers under, finally feeling you. He moans at the wetness collected between your legs, amazed at how turned on you are from him. He collects that wetness and brings it up to your clit where he rubs in painfully slow circles. You buck your hips into his hand, and he chuckles- its low and gravelly, his own arousal preventing him from putting on a steel front. 
“Fuck, darlin’ you’re so wet,” he whispers into your ear. You can barely hear him, your own heartbeat thrumming in your ears. As you’re about to speak, he slowly slips a finger inside you. You let out a loud moan, biting your lip to stifle the noise.
“S’okay baby, make some noise for me,” his movements maintain their place as he drops to his knees. You stiffen.
“J-Joel, what’re you doing?” you pull at his hair so he looks up at you. It gives him goosebumps. 
“What’s it look like I'm doin’, sweetheart? Need’ta taste ya,” he licks his lips as he looks at your core, knowing he’d never see anything as beautiful as this again in his life. You freeze at his words.
“Oh, you don't have to…” you look away from him shyly. He stands at this, hand still moving between your legs.
“Oh, I want to. Please, baby, I want to,” he says to you, pleads almost. Guys had never asked to go down on you before, and you’d never pushed for it. It was nerve wracking- you considered telling Joel this. But the look on his face was enough- you can’t help but relent. 
“Mmhm, okay,” you nod and he smiles, sinking to his knees again. 
He doesn’t even notice the way his knees creak or how uncomfortable the hardwood floor is on them. He just needs to taste you. The moment his mouth is on you, he moans. The vibrations cause a jolt of lightning up your spine. 
“Fuck, s’good,” he says against your thigh before kissing it and diving back in. This time he lifts one of his hands to slip a finger inside, the sensation causing you to lift your legs to rest on his shoulders. You hoped you weren’t squeezing too hard, but the thought was fleeting as his free arm shot up to wrap around your thigh and pull you closer.
The familiar sensation of your core tightening and your vision blurring hit you like a truck. No man had ever made you come before, and certainly not within less than 10 minutes of seeing each other. The orgasm swells to a peak, your thighs clenching on either side of Joel’s head as he moans into you. The aftershocks hit almost as hard as the initial shock, and you don’t realize it's over until the overstimulation of Joel sets in. He was still going absolutely crazy, drinking you in like his life depended on it.
“Ah, fuck,” you hiss at the oversensitivity and he immediately pulls away to ask if you’re okay. “I’m fine,” you laugh. “I’m perfect, actually. Jesus Christ,” you laugh again as he stands, pulling you to the edge of the desk so your clothed core is pressed against his jeans, leaving a dark spot over his crotch. “I’ve never… done that,” you confess shyly.
“Done what?” he asks, cocking his head.
“Been eaten out. And also, I guess, have a man give me an orgasm,” you giggle, mind loose. His expression hardens.
“Wait… what?” he looks at you, concern in your eyes.
“I mean, no guy has ever wanted to before. It’s no big deal,” you shrug, wrapping your arms around his neck. 
“Baby, it is a big deal. Because how any man could deny that… there has to be something wrong with him. A big deal of something wrong with him,” Joel laughs with you, pressing his forehead to yours.
“Can you please fuck me, Joel?” you ask with a cock of your head and a pout on your lips. Joel almost trips in trying to take his pants off and you can't help but giggle.
“Oh, you won't be laughing soon, darlin’” he chuckles before pulling his cock out from his underwear. It’s huge, obviously, because why wouldn’t it be. It’s the biggest you’d ever seen, and you can't help but lift your hand up to grab it, stroking it to the tufts of hair at the base. “Won’t be lastin’ too long if you keep that up,” Joel grimaces with a hiss. You smirk as you grab him and lead him to your entrance, pressing the tip to you.
“Start slow, okay?” you ask, worry filling your gut. It had been awhile, and with a man as well endowed as Joel, you couldn’t help but have some worries. 
“I promise,” he chuckles before pushing it in, just the tip. The two of you gasp in harmony, your arms shooting to wrap around his shoulders. “Y’okay?” he asks, bringing his hand up to your cheek. 
“Y-yeah,” you stutter, “keep going, please.”
“Okay, baby, I gotcha,” he pushes himself further, and before you know it, you can feel his tufts of hair against you as he bottoms out. He’s breathing heavy and ragged as you lean up to capture him in a kiss. He tries his best not to move, to let you adjust, but his restraint is like a rubber band about to snap. Before it does, he feels you move closer to him, urging him to start moving. He doesn’t need to be told twice.
He begins slowly, moving his hips back and forth. You squeeze him perfectly, your wetness allowing him to move with ease. His hands moved to your hips, then your breasts, your face- he was all over you. It took everything in you to keep your eyes open, but the eye contact he was making was worth it. When he wasn’t kissing parts of you, he was watching you. Whether it was your eyes, your lips, or your breasts, he was watching you. He only closed his eyes when he blinked. You were used to guys digging their faces into your shoulder and finishing in 30 seconds. Everything about Joel was… so much more.
He flattens his palm on your stomach above your mound, feeling himself inside of you. Slowly, he moves his hand up your chest to squeeze your nipple. You unexpectedly gasp and arch your back, urging him to continue. His other hand snakes from your waist to your clit as he begins to rub in circles.
“Need’ya to finish with me, darlin’” he whispers in your ear.
“O-okay. M’close,” you manage to squeak out, his hands doing so much to you. 
“F-fuck,” Joel lets out a groan as he tries to maintain his pace to get you off. The second he feels you clenching around him, however, he speeds up. As he’s about to come, he quickly pulls out and spills onto your stomach, chest heaving as he leans over you. He wishes he’d had a camera to capture the view in front of him right now
You’re breathless and sweaty beneath him when you come to. His length lay on your stomach, twitching as he came down. The two of you remain this way for what feels like an eternity before he stands up fully, grabbing a box of tissues from your desk and proceeding to clean you up.
He reaches his hand out to you and you take it, hopping off of the desk. Grabbing the discarded clothes from the floor, he motions for you to lift your arms over your head so he can slide your flannel over you. Only it's not your flannel, but his. He doesn’t comment on this as he puts your flannel on himself, the usually oversized fit you’re used to fitting him perfectly
You reach up to fiddle with his hair, the curls messy atop his head. His lips part but he stays silent, watching you bite your lip in focus.
“There,” you smile. “Better.” 
Joel isn't sure what to do with his hands now, the soft ticking of a clock on your wall filling the noise. He feels heat creep up the back of his neck when he recounts what you’d just done. In public.
“Coffee?” you ask, playing with the hem of your new shirt.
“Hm?” he snaps his head to you, daze broken. 
“I said ‘coffee’? Like, the drink?” you giggle.
“What about coffee?” he asks. He knows you’re probably inviting him over, but he just wants to hear you talk. 
“Ugh, just come home with me, Miller,” you laugh and grab his hand, leading him out of the stables. 
He follows you to your house, your hands intertwined the whole walk. Neither of you acknowledge this as your conversation flows as easily as if you’d known each other for years. He stays at your house for hours, enjoying his coffee almost as much as he’s enjoying you. You both realize around the same time just how enamored you were with each other. Though neither of you are sure how to feel, Joel knows now that he can’t lose you. Ever.
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chericherilvr · 5 months
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I bring all the drama - M.L.A
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Pairing: Marcus Lopez x fem!Reader
Summary: Being in a secret relationship with Marcus was easy, I mean it still is even after I see Maria flirting with him. After all, I thrive for drama
Reader specifics: Said to have hair, reads romance, fem reader cause they call themselves a cool girl, hinted and pretty much told neurodivergent reader (with autistic and adhd in mind)
Warning: this is so fluff I wanna cry, my humor is broken, probably ooc (like all of them), reader talks to themselves, not proof read like at all
2.1k words hehe
a/n: this is for my pookie @lucifertoxics and my pookie only, if you aren't my pookie you can keep reading it who am I to stop you tbh xx-
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He grabbed her hands, a tight embrace resembling those of sweet love stories. "I love you," he whispered melting inside her eyes. "I love you," she replied whising to whoever was listening for this moment to never end.
"When are you going to finally find a boyfriend and stop reading those books?" It's in times like this I thank that the school I'm in. He looks so killable, maybe could use him to ace Mr. Denke's class. I nod to myself as I stare at Billy my eyes narrowing, (i) Why do the school rules imply you can't kill any other student? I let myself roll my eyes, he's a lucky bastard. "How about you find yourself one and let me read in peace? Please and thank you" I smile at him turning back to my book. The chair creeks as he sits pointing out just how much care they added into the library. "I mean it," Billy whispers leaning on the table, "I'm not calling you a lonely loser, but that's exactly what I'm calling you" Would I be too mean if I laugh at him? I shrug and let myself snort at his suggestion, Billy grabs my book out of my hands and throws it far on the table, out of my reach. Can't a girl just enjoy their free time for once? I turn to look at him. "Okay, I'm listening" He grins at my words choosing to ignore the annoyed tone that they came out with.
"Just don't want you throwing away your romantic life cause you prefer spending it with people who don't exist" I smirk, if he only knew, my heart beats quick, I try to ignore the burning feeling, we said to keep it secret "They are real" I chuckle at his stare, snickering trying to not burst out laughing I keep talking "they are real to mee" I slap my hand to my mouth if I'm going to laugh at least I will try to not be so loud for the library. "You're helpless" I follow Billy with my eyes trying to calm down from the big laugh, my tingles hurting from laughing too much. "Oh man if he only knew" I wipe a tear shaking my head, and standing up from my chair. Man, I really needed a good laugh. Look around the room, look around the room. I shift around for a bit trying to not act eager, and as a cartoon movie I slowly walk out the library, yes I am skipping so what?
Truth be told, Billy was far from the truth. Don't get me wrong, I love my fictional boyfriends, but I would never choose them over my fluffy ball of chaos and depression, Marcus, my boyfriend. I giggle when I think of him quickly wiping a face in front of my face to turn my expression into a more neutral one. Cool girl y/n, cool girl. Omg I could maybe start a band and get a bike? That's pretty cool girl style, right? I usually tend to get lost in my own thoughts, and I wonder how people saw me, I mean I was litterally just skipping down the hall my eyes unfocoused and looking around the walls, incohearent mumbles bouncing around me. Oh fuck I must look crazy to them. I shrug, eh who cares.
I'm not aware of how long it took me to reach the spot, our spot. Sure it was a big rock laying around but seeing it makes my stomach jumping with butterflies. I would totally twirl my hair and kick my feet with a giggle if it wasn't for what I saw. "What the actual fuck" I blink a couple times, Marcus sitting on our spot with a smiling Maria standing next to him. I mean, it's a public space, it's not like they're together locked up in a room, but why was she raising her hand to brush his hair back. Girl I get it, but his hair wasn't even messed up, why would someone even? Oh. Everything stops, and by everything I mean me, who was still aproaching them. Oh fuck she's flirting with him. I would tell you everything I thought in that moment, but I would be lying if I didn't say my brain was racing so fast not even I caught most of it. Yet I can explain how my body tenses, fingers tapping each other, the sun that suddenly looked brighter, the wind on the grass, the birds chirping, it's too much, their breaths, oh wait no, my breath, the one I can't control right now. I force myself to look at him, and I'm met with silence.
A peaceful silence that wraps around my body massaging the tension out of it. A comfort silence that fills my heart back to life. I've never been so happy to see my boyfriend's face filled with disgust. My boyfriend. As if a button was pressed my human body reacts again, walking back towards them. Towards our spot. It takes all strength within me to not laugh when Marcus pushes Maria's hand when she tries to touch him again. "Hi" They turn to look at my smiling face, and I'm sure I must have also pressed a button in Marcus cause he looks like he's about to call me his saviour. I'll tease him for that later, I could get some extra cuddles. Do I want to be mean? I mean Maria is kind of my friend as well, and my relationship with Marcus has been kept secret since it started. But a bit of teasing can't hurt, can it?
I savour every second every slow milimeter that I move my head to look at Maria as if it was sweet candy. My eyes widden in surprise and I make sure to pull the best smile I could muster. "Omg Maria you're here too!" I cheer giving her a tight hug giggling. "I swear I didn't even saw you, how's everything?" She frowns a bit looking side to side, but there's no camaras filming you, bestie, this is all real. I grab Marcus hand rubbing my thumb along it giving him a quick kiss on his cheek and a lovesick smile before turning back to look at Maria, head tilting as I wait for her answer. Fuck am I a bad person for enjoying her shocked face right now? I mean I'm training to kill people, but that's a whole different story, right? "What the fuck?" I chuckle when she speaks, covering my mouth with my hand. "Fuck did I messed up languages again? It's hard sometimes to realize" And I swear to God, I deserve to get a grammy for the self-pitying face I'm doing right now, I whine a bit selling the act, "I asked how you were doing, we haven't seen each other since thursday back in class" I smile at her leaning a bit closer to Marcus but not really whispering to ask him "That was in english, right?" He nods at me trying to hold his laugh when he sees my worried face, I sigh in relief looking back at Maria.
"I've been good," aaah, the sweet taste of confusion, "sorry it's just," she pauses again proably trying to understand what was going on, I'll give her that, she does look like gears are turning in her head to think right now, "it's just, are you two together?" Maria points at us, I gasp out in pure shock. Damn someone should just cast me already for a telenovela. "Oh my god!" I exclaim dropping Marcus' hand, "fuck babe I'm sorry I forgot we were keeping it a secret" I cover my face and groan, "fuck I'm sorry"
Cheeky bastard decides to finally speak, grabbing my hands out of my face and pulls me to stand in front of him. Fuck you Marcus Lopez Arguello, now I'm going to blush because of you. I melt when he cups my face into his hands and chuckles shifting his mouth into a smirk. "It's okay Love, it was bound to be known someday, it's not your fault" He ruffles my hair and if it weren't cause I'm in my acting era I would have already glared at him for daring to mess with my hairstyle. "I'll get-" Maria doesn't even finish her words before she darts out towards the main building, and I can't help but wonder if she felt bad for flirting with someone taken (which has never stopped her before) or if she was already telling everyone in school (which if I'm honest, it's what I think was happening) I giggle once she's out of sight turning back to face Marcus.
"Don't look at me like that" I allow myself to glare him this time, if I ignore my hear begging to kiss him I can act mad at him right? "Like what?" "With a big smile, it makes you look too cute, not fair, making me want to kiss you and everything. Also how dare you!" I exclaim, I migh not be an actress, but I am dramatic, I try to make my hair look good again, "I come in here, looking cute as fuck, my hair giving everything it needs to give, and you go and ruffle it that's not fair like-" This motherfucker kisses me.
I mean who am I to reject a kiss from him? Specially when he still tastes like today's desert we had for lunch, now I want icecream again. I love when he kisses me, but I hate how he knews how much it affects me. I surrender to him, not being able to pull away, not wanting to pull away. He quiets down my brain, so much it's concerning, each time after my brain powers on post-Marcus effect, I consider calling my psychiatrist to test him, this can't be human, he can't be real, am I going crazy or does he share the same effects my pills do. Don't tell this to my psychiatrist, but his effect works even better, it might not help me concentrate but I love the quiet silence that fills my brain. He pulls away, and I add it to another reason as to why I hate Marcus; He's so perfect, and I'm so desperate for him.
"You're hot when you're jealous" It takes me a couple seconds to react to his words, I was being for real, post-Marcus effect lingers for a bit before I regain control of myself. "I wouldn't call it jealousy" He rolls his eyes smiling, licking the corner of his mouth and I just know it's cause of his ego being filled up, he raises an eyebrow challenging me to explain myself. I start speaking a couple of times trying to defend myself, but pause before a single word can come out. I throw my head back groaning before dropping it on his shoulder, burrying myself in his shirt, relaxing at his sweet smell. "Okay, I was jealous, but I don't think it quite was that" He humms and I giggle when I feel his neck vibrate to produce the sound, "my head was turn between wanting to run away and cry, and the other part was begging me, screaming at me to just punch her away from you" I raise my head just as he rubs my waist up and down, shivering when it got a bit too low, curse the tickles. He looks into my eyes, but doesn't force mines to be on his, he knows I'm listening. "Love, you know how much I love you, right?" His voice is so soft it could put a baby to sleep, I adore it.
"You're amazing, you're sweet," he kisses my forhead, "you're funny" he kisses the tip of my nose, "you're a pure soul trapped in a hellhole" I chuckle even with my eyes slightly watering, he keeps going, "you're so loving, you're so lovable, you're so much that fuck if it wasn't cause I really, really, want to say something else, I could be here all day. You're enough" he kisses my lips, I taste my tears. "how did you know?" I plead him, he ruffles my hair. "that you were feeling insecure? Cause I'm the best boyfriend ever" I can't argue with that, I think to myself as he kisses me again after a soft laugh.
He grabs my hands, a tight embrace resembling those of sweet love stories. "I love you," he whisps melting inside my eyes. "I love you," I reply whising to whoever was listening for this moment to never end.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL ME-?!" Billy shouts.
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nicomundthered · 1 year
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Blood Runs Cold
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Injured Trilogy- part one | part two | part three
pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader
summary: you save Ellie, but not yourself.
tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, this one is angsty, blood and descriptions of injury, I'm not a doctor, also don't know a thing about nature apparently, established relationship, happy family, drowning, fear of water, way more spice than intended it just happened- though nowhere near explicit.
word count: 10k | ao3
a/n: had to edit this twice and tbh I just need it finished, so please forgive the mistakes. part three might take a little longer...I’m having quite the anxious episode but enough of that, hope you enjoy!
masterlist
It took a while for you to recover, but you had. Well for the most part. Your hand was the only lingering problem. 
The doctor had done what she could for it but without the proper technology and equipment–even after the mostly successful surgery, it would never be the same again.
You had diligently followed the physical therapy exercises she gave you and weeks later, you could now make a fist and your grip strength was improving. The process was long and if you were being honest you were getting impatient. You were just thankful that it was your non-dominant hand because it was still frustratingly weak and uncoordinated in comparison. The doctor had confirmed that it would probably always feel that way. You'd be lying if you said that that didn't upset you, not that you weren't grateful to be alive–it just really sucked. 
Joel was different though. While you were a little depressed and frustrated, Joel seemed to be almost obsessing over it. He would inspect it every morning, seeing how the two deep scars from the surgery were healing. Then he would ask a couple times a day if you had completed your exercises. And he was also overly protective of it. He'd fuss anytime you picked up anything or when you'd tell him that you were ready to go back to work. The two of you argued over it quite heatedly more than once. 
One day, a couple weeks ago now, after he finished his patrol he returned his gun and gear, and checked in with Tommy for the next day's schedule. 
Tommy and Maria were in a deep discussion and when they saw Joel, Tommy bowed his head and Maria straightened, both looking extremely suspicious.
“What happened?” Joel asked concerned. He somehow knew it was about you.
Maria admitted that due to your tenacity, she had put you on light cleaning duties. That you had begged to have something to do, and that after a couple of hours you had grown frustrated from the weakness in your hand, which had cramped causing you to drop a plate. It shattered all over the ground and when you could only use your good hand to pick up the small pieces, it had sent you over the edge. 
You didn't listen to anyone and you'd picked up the sharp pieces using only one hand and it had cut you up. You did so with tears in your eyes and then you left without saying a word, hand covered in blood.
He quickly left, hurrying to you as fast as his feet would carry him.
When he came home he found you in your shared bathroom. You didn't hear him enter and were focused trying to pick out the small ceramic pieces that were lodged beneath your fingertips. 
You had been attempting to fish out the pieces for just under an hour now and your hands were shaking. You could barely work the tweezers due to the slick blood and your hand was cramping. Speaking of, it was properly hurting now–which it hadn't been for weeks now.
“Baby?”
You jumped, dropping the tweezers and cursing. You grabbed the hand towel and tried to cover your hand but he was quicker. His body came up behind yours and he placed both arms on the sink, trapping you in place, eyes making contact in the mirror.
“Let me see,” he said, leaning down, breath hitting your neck.
“It’s nothing, just cut myself cleaning.”
“Let–me see.” 
You almost gave in but just as you about relented, you thought of a different distraction and leaned back and pressed your backside into him, moving your hips gently from side to side.
His nostrils flared, eyes narrowed as he hissed at the contact. It took him a second to come to his senses because his body would alway betray him when it came to you, but then quickly snapped out of it and scooted back and put his hands on your hips preventing you from following. 
“Jesus–just let me see your damn hand.”
You turned around abruptly, he was still very much in your personal space.
“I just nicked it. I don't know why you're acting like this over this,” you suddenly felt small like a helpless child. Despite your confident voice, you could no longer look at him as tears welled in your eyes. You hated feeling helpless but you also hated needing help. And what didn't even make sense was all he wanted to do was to help you. Why you rejected it you weren't entirely sure. Maybe you were just tired of seeing the worried look on his face–the one that you continued to put there.
Though, as much as you loved him, you hated the way you always just gave into him. You blamed his eyes, his voice, his… you know what, it was just him–he was your kryptonite. 
“It was just a little cleaning,” you said, unwrapping your hand and held it up to him so that he could see. “I- I uh–broke a glass and tried to…”
“Maria told me.”
“Damn.”
He chuckled softly at your frustration and then frowned suddenly, “You're still lying to me. I thought we went over this.”
“This doesn't count though. It's not life or death. It's just a few stupid cuts.” 
He reached out and took your lightly bleeding hand. “I’m not too worried about this,” he said after inspecting it thoroughly, noting that you still had some small pieces still stuck. “But this…” he gently let go of your hand and picked up the other. It was still locked in a cramp, “This is what I worry about.”
He carefully pressed into the tight muscle and you gasped in discomfort, which was quickly replaced with relief as he kneaded the overused muscle until he successfully worked the cramp out.
“Thank you,” you said, looking up at him almost ashamed
“You're doin’ too much.”
You yanked your hand from his like he had just burned you. He didn't react, just continued to stare at you. He wasn't going to take that back, you were doing too much too soon.
“I literally just swept and washed a few dishes. If–if I can't even do that then…”
“You were hurt,” the frown returned to his face.
“Yeah I was. Past tense Joel.”
“It takes time to heal. You almost…you almost died baby,” he put his hands in his pockets as he blinked a few times trying to rid the images of you doubled over coughing up blood. 
He wanted to reach out to you so damn bad, but knew that you needed space right now.
“I know that. But I feel so helpless, all the time. I- I can't do anything. I can't even turn the pages in a book…I can't even sit and fucking read. And you leave and do your shifts–shifts that we are supposed to do together. What if you got hurt because I wasn't there to watch your back?” He looked like he wanted to interrupt you but refrained. “And then Ellie has to come home from school and before she does her homework or hangs out with her friends she helps me cook and clean. I just—I’m just so sick of feeling useless. I’m so sick of feeling like a burden.”
There it was. 
He thought of a million things to say. He wanted to berate you for even thinking such a thing, but that never seemed to work on you, so he decided to go a different route.
“I understand.”
“Do you?” You said with more venom than you intended.
“Yeah, yeah I do,” he cleared his throat, “When I was stabbed and you and Ellie had to do everything.”
“You were unconscious Joel. You were dying from infection.”
“That doesn't matter. I–I couldn't protect you two. I could barely understand what you said to me but I could make out enough.” He took his hands out of his pockets and rubbed his face, “I knew that you were going to leave and try to find me medicine. I tried to call out…I tried to stop you, but I couldn't. And then when the men–when the men came looking for you I–damn near lost my mind. But I couldn't move. I, I tried so hard to,” he felt the familiar pressure in his chest, “I…I watched you leave–and I couldn't even beg you to stay.”
You stood still as a statue as a tear rolled down your cheek, all you could do was stare.
“So yeah, I do understand. Feeling helpless is the worst, but you got me and Ellie, and you are getting better everyday. But pushing yourself isn’t gonna help you. So please do me–do us a favor and just let us help you. You’d do the same thing for us in a heartbeat and you are never a burden. Do you hear me?”
Your eyes were wide and mouth was slightly opened, “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”
“It’s ok. Everything turned out fine. We are both here.”
You launched at him, hugging him tightly. You kissed his neck and said, “I wish you would have told me. I know you dream about it…”
“I don't want to talk about that right now, ok? I just want to get that junk out of your hand and take a shower. Does that sound good?”
You agreed.
He took his time and worked efficiently, and in no time he had all of the debris removed and had cleaned your fingertips. Then he helped you undress and led you to the shower, where he worshiped you with as much attention as he gave you wounds, and then finished by cleaning your body as well–something that he's come to enjoy doing. When you got out of the shower he gently bandaged both hands, one for the cuts and the other to relieve the pressure on the healing muscle. 
He dried you off and helped you dress into your most comfortable clothes, which were ironically his clothes. Then you sat at the kitchen table and listened while he told you about his day. He heated you a can of your preferred soup and toasted you both some bread to go along with it.
After your shared meal, you moved to the bedroom where he read a couple chapters of your favorite book to you. You fell asleep with your head on his shoulder. And when you woke you were in his arms snuggled closely, your bad hand in his as he lightly massaged it.
You've been back on light duties for a month now–also known as cleaning and restocking the armory. It definitely feels boring and mundane after the action you were used to, but it was much better than doing nothing. Your hand still has the occasional cramp but it's much stronger. You’ve practiced on the shooting range a few times now and you weren't as hindered as you thought you'd be. Slower yes, but still able, with an aim as deadly as it's ever been.
It was the middle of a Wyoming winter and it was cold. Snow fell for four days straight covering the ground in a thick solid layer that probably wouldn't melt until the beginning of spring. Which made today's appearance of the sun that much better. Everyone in Jackson acted like it was a holiday. Two families were actually having parties and had invited you over. 
People liked you for a reason you didn't even know. You were nice and you worked hard but you weren't overly friendly, maybe you just appeared that way because you were around Joel and Ellie. Or maybe it was because you were close to Maria and Tommy. Regardless, there would be no partying for you. 
A few months ago you had talked Ellie out of going on runs until she was older. She hated it and took quite some convincing but you managed to make a deal with her. She focuses on school and her friends, and honestly just being a semi carefree teenager for once in her life, and a couple times a year the three of you would take vacations.
By vacations, you'd basically just camp and be away from everyone a bit. None of you would admit it but each of you missed the seclusion. Just the three of you, no obligations, nobody telling you what to do. You were grateful for Jackson, you all were and it was much better than being alone but that's how you lived for months together. That's where your strong bonds were made, and sometimes the sleeping bag under the stars felt more like home than your house.
Another part of the agreement was that Ellie got to choose where you'd go. It couldn't be too far, at least not during the winter, and the trip couldn't last more than a week–not until she was finished with school.
On this inaugural trip she wanted to see the rapids. Some friends had talked about how they canoed down them and she hadn't stopped talking about it since. You doubted that that was true, in a canoe? But it didn't matter it was a part of your deal and since the rapids weren't too far away the request seemed reasonable. 
And really it was a big deal for Ellie to want to go anywhere near water, let alone potentially dangerous water. She had let it slip once that she couldn't swim and the fact that she hasn't asked to learn yet tells you that she's afraid.
It was early morning, the sun had just begun to light up the sky. It was cold but no snow clouds were on the horizon. You were all packed with more things than you’d need in a week, and the trip probably wouldn’t even last three days. This was your first time leaving since your injury and it was Ellie's first since the agreement, which meant Joel was kind of a nervous wreck. He packed excessive amounts of everything–ammo, food, first aid. His pack weighed double the usual weight, and this time he saddled up his horse.
You found him in the stables. He was loading up the horse slowly and precisely, trying to slow down the inevitable–his family was leaving safety. 
“Are you ready?” 
He jumped slightly and laughed almost nervously. “You scared me sweetheart.” He sighed and fastened the last strap on the saddle, “Bout there, I wanna double check the…”
“Joel,” you crossed your arms and looked at him sweetly. “Everything is going to be ok. We are going to have a fun quick little trip. Nothing that we aren't used to right?”
He still had his back to you but you could hear him gulp and you could see him trying to shake his head in some sort of agreement. 
“Hey.” You walked up to him and held the side of his arms. “Do not put all of this on yourself. The three of us can defend ourselves, in fact I'd say that we are a pretty badass trio.” 
You smiled and he couldn't help but smile back. It didn't reach his eyes but he smiled nonetheless. 
“I’m afraid.” His voice was low where only you could hear him. He turned from you and focused on the horse. A little shocked that the confession slid out of him so easily. Completely unintentional.
His admission made you break a little. You didn't want this to stress him out like it was. This was supposed to be fun. “If you don't want to go me and Ellie–”
“No,” his voice was firm and commanding. “God- just no. I um–I just…it's safe here.” He was suddenly fixated on petting the horse, unable to look at your eyes that seemed to make him confess things without his permission. “And to leave it, if we don't have to seems…foolish to me.”
You tensed at his words. And boy did they make you angry. You and Ellie have been planning this and looking forward to it for weeks now. And he just waited until the last minute to express his concern? To call something you’d been dreaming about foolish?!
“We can't just stay here. We can't just be yours to play house with.” You paced a little and then continued almost grumbling to yourself, “Be your little housewife and we aren’t even married—go to school–be your picture perfect family. We can't do that. I can’t. I- I won't.” 
He turned to face you quickly. He hadn’t meant to upset you, really he hadn't but it did seemed foolish to him, dangerous for no reason. He didn’t like the way you were talking, it made him uncomfortable. Yes he loved coming home to you but it was just because he knew that you were safe. It had nothing to do with you being a ‘housewife’ to him. And he also didn’t like what sounded like an ultimatum, he would never keep you from leaving but it still frightened him. 
“I just meant–”
“Oh I know what you meant.” You felt your face getting hot. You didn't know where all of this was coming from and chalked it up to being frustrated at his last minute indecisiveness and your slightly stir-crazed mental state. “And it's such an easy thing for you to think about- building a wall around us caginging us up like animals in a zoo.”
“That's not–”
“Come home to a cooked meal.” You were pacing faster now, needing some kind of physical release. Your body was practically humming with pent up energy from being cooped up for months. 
“Baby it’s not–”
“All your laundry folded nice and neat.” You dug your boots into the stable floor with such force that dirt was actually starting to kick up. You could feel your blood pressure rise with each step. 
“To be propped up and ready to fuck when you come home–”
That made him snap. “Stop it!” He tightly held your shoulders and jerked you around hard. “I’d think very carefully about what you say next.”
You were still, all except for a wicked gleam of rebellion that flashed in your eyes. “Is that what you want?” You were breathing embarrassingly heavy.
He hated his reaction to all of this but regardless he still felt blood quickly rushing south and his pants tightened rapidly. You are just so damn hot and the image you were painting, well he hated to admit that the last part sounded appealing. Also he not so secretly liked it when you talked dirty.
“For me to be spread out on the bed for you, nothing to do but wait for you to get home. Be nice and ready for your—”
With absolutely no warning he spun you around and pulled you roughly to him. You arched into him instinctively and he placed one hand on your inner thigh and the other over your dirty mouth.
“I know it’s been awhile so I won’t get mad at you. But if you don't shut that pretty mouth of yours right now, we aren't goin’ anywhere.”
You ground your backside into him just as rough,  and bit at his hand, in a futile attempt of retaliation.
“Fuck…” He pressed himself harder into you. A sinful moan escaped you that was barely muffled by his large hand. He was certain that his strain was going to break his zipper. “If you needed this from me baby, all you have to do is ask.” He cooed into your ear making chills shoot down your spine and pressure pool into your belly.
He moved his hand that was resting on your thigh and started to unclip your belt buckle. 
The metallic clank broke you from your lust filled trance, and you shot out from his embrace. Your pupils were blown wide and you were almost gasping for air. “You aren't gonna- damnit, you aren’t going to distract me over this. We- we are leaving, with or without you.” 
You stormed out quickly. Not even bothering to buckle back up. 
If he were in the position he would have chased after you. But he couldn’t go running through town in his current state. So instead, to calm himself down, he thought about anything at all other than you.
A couple of minutes later, he led his overly packed horse over to where the two of you were waiting. Ellie was beaming at him and bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement. He smiled at her but it made him feel like a piece of shit. This meant so much to the two of you. And he might have just ruined your whole trip. He hated when he made you angry but he still believed he had a point. 
He looked over at you and you quickly turned your head away to avoid him. He didn’t know how to apologize to you. Or rather he knew how but he couldn’t do that in front of Ellie. So he’d have to find the right time when you were alone. He wasn’t the best with words, in fact most of the time his words only made things worse. So he’d have to be patient and hope you’d be willing to forgive.
He was mid thought when you just started walking. Ellie cut her eyes back at him and raised her eyebrow in question. 
He just shrugged but he knew she was clever, sometimes too clever, and he knew that she knew he had done something stupid. 
“Come on.” He sighed, urging her to drop it and follow.
Luckily for him, she was more excited for the trip than curious about what had happened. But he still feared that it was only a matter of time before she questioned him to death. 
It took about five hours to make it to the river. It was a slow peaceful walk. There was no hurry—the journey and being at peace was the reason for the trip–it was mostly made in silence, the three of you weren’t big on small talk so it wasn’t at all uncomfortable, though he knew that you were only quiet because you were still stewing from earlier.
Ellie grew more talkative towards the end and you tried your best to carry on with her, but you were still infuriated with Joel. It was a buildup of things you supposed. But sometimes he really gets under your skin. The overprotective thing really works for you until it doesn't. And that’s not really fair to him because that’s who he is, and you knew that he hadn’t caged you in, you just felt trapped by your own injury. 
It didn’t help that it was after months of being cooped up and babied. Two things you disliked. If he was going to be like this every time you wanted to go for a walk- then flat out, the relationship wouldn’t work. You needed some semblance of freedom or you’d go insane. That scared you because you also needed him. And maybe you were being a little dramatic. He was currently beside you and you were outside of the gates. So maybe you were being a little hasty. Hopefully this outing will give you the reboot your mind needed.
Joel picked a place to set up camp while you and Ellie walked over to the edge of the cliff to see the now infamous rapids. They were more intense than you imagined, no way could a canoe make it down them.
Ellie was being uncharacteristically timid. You looked back at her and decided to give her some alone time. “I’m going to help him, don't get too close to the edge, it's slick.”
She playfully rolled her eyes at you.
When you made it back to Joel he already had half of the stuff thrown on the ground, but when he looked at you he gave a look. 
“What?” You placed your hands on your hips defensively.
“Nothin’...” he exhaled deeply, “Look- I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t wanna ruin your trip.”
“Our trip, it's our trip Joel. Look at where we are. Look how beautiful it is.” you gestured around you at the beautiful mountains, “Don’t you just feel…free?”
He looked at you with a sudden understanding, it was freedom that you needed. You’d told him as much, but seeing the stress visibly leave your face is what finally got it through his thick skull, “Yeah, I guess I do.”
You beamed at him, “See!”
“You look awfully beautiful out here like this,” his eyes sparkled at you. There was no other way to describe it.
“So do you.”
“Yeah?”
“Big time.”
He laughed, “See that big tree?”
It was the biggest tree in the area, impossible to miss, “Yeah?”
“If we were alone I’d apologize like you like me to, right up against–”
“Stop…that's–that’s cruel,” you blushed.
He laughed almost wickedly.
“Let's unpack before you find a way to get yourself back into trouble.”
Ellie was looking out, biting her lip apprehensively. Now that she was here she was fucking scared. Why did she even pick this stupid place, she couldn't swim, it was cold, and it was fucking stupid.
She walked closer to the edge and tried to peek over but she was too far away. She got frustrated with herself. Come on, don't be a pussy. She moved closer and closer still. Her chest felt tight and her legs were beginning to quake. She fought the urge to lay down and crawl to the edge, she didn't think that that would be a good look for her. So she continued to move forward very slowly, inch by inch, silently disregarding all sounds of internal alarms until finally, she could see all the way down into the raging water. 
Her toes kissed the edge and as she leaned forward, just as she felt that she had confidently conquered a fear, her boot slipped. “FU–” she was cut short as she twisted and tried to grab onto the edge, but in doing so she landed on her chest which then sent her flying backwards towards the water. Thankfully she landed on a ledge less than halfway down the steep drop. 
The ledge was small and narrow, she was very lucky to land on it at all. If she wouldn't have tried to hug the side of the cliff she would have fallen straight into the water. What she didn’t notice though was as she landed, the ledge moved slightly- small rocks broke off and fell into the freezing water below.
Ellie laid there for a few seconds and stared up at the blue sky. She took deep breaths trying to get it through her head that she was in fact alive–she wasn't entirely convinced. Until she heard you calling out her name. 
You were fortunate enough to look over just as she fell. You ran to her as fast as you could desperately calling out her name.
Joel was left alone and confused for merely a second before he noticed Ellie's missing form. His heart dropped as he sprinted past you and looked over where she used to be standing.
“Ellie?” you caught up and stood beside him.
You looked over the ledge as she carefully stood and brushed off some snow and dirt.
“Holy shit.” she said looking up at the two of you.
She didn't speak loud enough to hear because of the thunderous sound of the rapids, but you could read her lips. You exhaled in relief.
Joel was also very relieved. If she had fallen she would have hit the rocks, and if by some miracle she missed the rocks the currents were strong. Even an amazing swimmer wouldn’t be able to stay above the water, he didn't care to think about what would happen to someone who couldn't swim.
“Ellie,” he yelled down to her.
She looked up, and moved to hug the side of the cliff, “Yea?”
He laid on his stomach and reached down his arm as far as he could stretch, “Can you climb to reach my hand?”
She stretched her body as tall as she could, standing on her toes, her feet almost completely parallel to the cliff. She was still short, not by much, so she jumped as high as she could, still missing his hand. When she landed, the shifting of the ledge was still unnoticed. There was nothing to grab onto, there was nothing to grip to climb.
She jumped again but this time landing with more force. The ledge visibly shifted and larger rocks plunked into the water.
“Stop!” you screamed out. “Ellie, stay still!”
She gave a thumbs up, “No problem.”
You laid down next to Joel, “I’m going down there.”
“Like hell–”
“Hey, listen to me. I’m taller than her. I could probably jump and reach your hand, she just needs a boost. She could probably stand on my back and reach you.”
“Let me, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” you sighed and did your best to calm down. “I don't think the ledge is strong enough to hold you both.”
He opened his mouth but you continued, “And you know I couldn't pull your ass up.” you grinned, but he wasn't having it.
“Just wait a second. Let me figure something out.” He looked back towards camp, “We could tie some–”
“You saw the way those rocks fell. We might not have the time for that Joel.” You grabbed his forearm and looked deeply into his eyes, you weren't playing around, you were going to do this, “Please, let me save her.”
His brows furrowed and he looked at you with as much seriousness as you've ever seen from him, and that was saying something. He brought his forehead to yours, “Be careful,” he whispered onto your skin.
You nodded, noses bumbing against each other and then reluctantly moved from him and looked down, “Ellie? I’m going to come down there and help you, ok?”
She looked up at you in pure panic, “No don't! This fucking piece of shit rock is barely holding me up.”
“It’ll be fine.”
She practically cried out your name, “Please don't,” her voice cracked in her loud plea.
You looked at Joel and he was looking at you in premature anguish, “It’s going to be alright,” you said to who, you weren’t sure–probably everyone, including yourself.
You removed your gloves in case you needed a better grip and slowly climbed over the edge, Joel held on tightly, and when he looked at the two deep scars on your hand he froze, “God damnit!”
“What?” you looked up worried that something had happened, and saw him focused on your hand.
“Crazy woman, what are you fuckin’ insane?”
Your hand had crossed your mind, but getting Ellie to safety was the only thing that mattered. You smiled sadly- knowingly at him, and he all of the sudden realized what he was doing–he was slowly dropping you to your death. This wasn’t just a rescue mission, this was a suicide mission. The anger from his eyes was replaced with bone chilling fear. He desperately yanked you back up a little, pulling your arm too tight and causing your bicep to strain. 
“Wha–?” you saw the raw panic in his eyes as he tried to haul you back up, “Stop, Joel Stop!” you looked down at Ellie and then back up to him with tears in your eyes, “I’ll break my arm off if I have to.”
He knew you would. Selfless woman.
He looked back at you holding on to his hand, gripping the side of the rock face, eyes full of tears and determination–he loved you so. “You better come back to me.”
“I always will.” 
His grip tightened and he lowered you as far as he could, “Land softly.”
No shit you thought as you landed on the ledge. It dropped even further this time making a horrible crumbling noise.
You grabbed Ellie and hugged her tightly afraid that this was it. When nothing else happened you sighed in relief and quickly backed up. She looked scared, like she wanted to stay in your arms and hide.
“Come on, we have to hurry.”
You quickly got on your hands and knees and she stood on top of you. She reached tall but was scared to dig her toes into you–she didn't want to hurt you, and she thought of how long it took for your ribs to heal, how much pain you were in.
“Use your toes Ellie!” you demanded.
“I don't want to hurt you,” she practically sobbed out.
“You won’t, I can hardly feel you.”
She knew you were lying but she complied and stood on the tips of her toes. She brushed his fingertips and tried to reach further. 
“Are you close?” you asked, feeling the ground beneath you sway knowing time wasn't on your side.
“I can touch him but I can’t–”
“Jump,” you interrupted her.
“Wha….NO I won't do that.”
“Ellie, baby- you have to.”
“I don't want to.”
“I love you very much…everything is going to be ok.”
More rocks crumbled and Joel called out your name in warning.
“Jump Ellie!”
Without a moment's more hesitation she did and Joel gripped her wrist tightly. They worked together and quickly got her to safety. 
The pathetic excuse for a ledge was giving out. Your world was rocking back and forth like a buoy on the ocean. You stood slowly, doing your best to not make any sudden movements. You could hear both of them desperately calling out to you but you were focused. They didn’t know how precarious your situation had become. 
You stood slowly and reached for Joel’s hand. You had known going into this that it was going to be much harder for you to get up. Sure you were taller than Ellie but not by much. You were going to have to jump or climb. To jump meant if you missed- you had to land, and you weren’t sure it could take that force.
You dug your fingers into any crack you could find, there weren’t many but you made your way maybe a foot off of the ledge when two things happened—first your hand locked up in a cramp that rendered it useless. You dropped it to your side, trying your best to hide it from those above. And second, the ledge broke away and fell into the water. 
They cried out to you but you didn’t know what to do. You truly couldn’t do a thing with your hand, you couldn’t even use it as a stabilizer. You found a perch for one toe of your boot, but it wasn’t going to hold long. 
It was like the universe knew that this was how you’d die. It was shitty, but it was giving you a chance to say goodbye to the two people you loved most in the world, and that’s more than a lot of people got.
You looked up. Joel’s face was red from straining to make himself longer. Spit was flying from his mouth with every pleading yell. Ellie was screaming for you to hurry. Time seemed to slow down as you watched them. They were going to be ok, they had each other, and despite what Joel would argue that would be enough.
So you had one attempt. It was all or nothing. One small lurch forward and you’d either make it to Joel’s hand or you wouldn’t. The chances were very slim.
“I have one shot,” you called up.
“Just keep climbing baby, you’re doing so good!” he encouraged loudly.
“I- I can’t. My hand is locked up.”
He cussed and behind him his feet angrily kicked holes in the snow. Tears started falling from his face and passed by you like drops of rain, “I told you to let me! I could have—“
“I love you. I love you both,” you sniffled but felt at peace, you had saved your girl, “I’m going to try my best but I really don’t have much to propel myself from.”
Your hand slipped a little and you could hear Joel’s gasp and Ellie’s cry. 
“Ok I’m ready,” your muscles tightened in preparation and you tested the movement. Once you were satisfied that you’ve done all you could you started your countdown, “On, three-two—one.”
To give yourself some credit, you did make it farther than you thought. Probably a hands length away from Joel’s, but you knew from takeoff that it wasn’t enough.
You briefly saw the look of absolute horror on their faces as you took in as much air as you could, and shielded your head with your arms as you plunged into the freezing water.
You of course knew that water was powerful. It helped shape the earth with its constant rising and falling. Given time its pressure could smooth a stone, could forge new paths and create new bodies of water. It grew vegetation as easily as it could flood and drown. Any living thing needs it or would die. Water was both life and death, it was a powerful, powerful thing.
But you didn’t truly respect it until now. It tugged you under and slung your body around like a ragdoll filled with nothing but cotton. You had never felt so weighed down and yet somehow so weightless. You were so distracted by the sheer force of it that the sharp burning from the cold came later. Then oddly enough the need to breathe came even later than that.
After a few seconds of pathetically trying to fight it, you quickly realized you could do nothing but patiently wait for a current to bring you to the surface for a chance to get air.
It happened faster than you had anticipated. Before you knew it your head was above the water and you were gasping for oxygen. Some water got in but that didn’t matter to you in the slightest.
You glanced to the side at the riverbank and for the first time you noticed how fast you were moving. You were absolutely flying down the river. 
You went under a couple more times, and were banged around—hitting some rocks here and there, which would bruise but nothing serious. 
There wasn’t much farther to go as far as the rapids were concerned. The river was long but if you could make it another one- two minutes tops before it slowed and calmed. 
What a jinx you are.
Your ankle was suddenly caught between two rocks. You were stuck and the angry currents were pushing at the side of your face, trying their best to force you back under. You took a deep breath, and went under to try and wiggle your boot free. It was of no use so you untied the shoe and were launched free immediately. It took you by surprise and rolled you a few times—disorienting you, and then your luck ran out. You hit your head, everything went black.
When you fell he almost jumped right in after you. As matter of fact, if Ellie wasn't with him he would have. His whole body shifted forward begging him to leap, but Ellie’s hand quickly grabbed his shoulder tugging him back up, as she yelled out after you. She anchored him to the spot and kept him from acting irrationally.
He sprang to his feet, “Look for her I’m gettin’ the horse.”
She quickly got up and ran along the edge. It's funny that moments ago she was so scared to even go near it- now she was sprinting alongside it, the only fear she felt was for you. Her eyes combed the water trying to get a glimpse of your now flailing form, they were stinging from the cold but she refused to so much as blink. 
She looked farther down and saw you, just as you were thrusted up for air.
Joel passed her on the horse and she pointed ahead. She tried to keep up but you were both moving too quickly. She kept running even as she lost sight of you both.
Joel was riding alongside you. It was a difficult task to both keep his eyes on you, and keep his horse from running off the side but he quickly adjusted. You were doing a good job of keeping your head above the water, and he was starting to feel slightly optimistic.
The water was already calming down. 
He looked back to you all of that previous optimism died along with any hope he had left in him. This time he screamed your name, it was way too raw to be called a yell. 
He moved his horse back and forth searching. The horse was as anxious as Joel, it wanted to continue running. His heart was beating out of his chest as he continued crying out for you.
Then he saw you.
You were face down and floating downstream.
He charged the horse and went ahead of you to where the rocks stopped and the shore began. He dismounted, took off all of his clothes except his boxers, and ran into the water.
Even though it was calmer, he still had to curl his toes–gripping at the dirt in an attempt to brace himself with each step. When you floated near he swam out to you. It was rougher out where you were. 
When he reached you he quickly turned you over. 
You were so blue and he couldn’t tell if you were breathing.
Fortunately for the both of you, he was a swim champion in his teenage years and a pool lifeguard was his first job. He swam fast and strong and there was no way you’d release from his grip. 
When his feet touched the bottom he cradled you, and trudged through the water as quickly as he could–water splashing all around as his strong legs ran you to shore.
Ellie was waiting, bent over trying to catch her breath.
He got you out of the water and laid you down in the snow. 
“Is she breathing?” Ellie gasped as she looked down at your blue face.
“I don’t know yet.” He felt for a pulse but didn’t find one. Then he put finger under your nose to feel the air. Nothing.
“Damnit,” he immediately started chest compressions. 
Ellie’s legs gave out and she sat in shock. She had lost a lot but losing you felt like too much. You were the closest thing she’d ever had to a mom. You were her best friend. What the fuck was she supposed to do without you?
“...gotta be the hero—”
Joel was angrily muttering to you. Ellie could only make out occasional fragments, she wasn’t even sure he knew what he was saying.
“—let anyone else get hurt.”
His voice trembled with emotion.
“Couldn’t just let me…hard headed…”
He was openly crying now and getting slightly winded from the exertion. His body pink from the cold with steam rising off of him.
“—drive me damn insane,”
Ellie was now sobbing with him- broken gasps and labored breaths. She hugged her knees to herself and began rocking.
“…better start breathing I swear to god.”
The horse moved, catching her eye.
“Please- don’t leave me…”
She turned back and watched him desperately pound on your chest. 
“—I fucking need you…you hear me?”
That was as close to a sleeping beauty moment that you’d ever get. You started violently coughing up water- expelling it from your lungs. He rolled you on your side so it was easier on you for you to spit up the liquid.
A rush of pure joy overcame him, “That’s it baby get it all out.” 
Ellie crawled closer to you like she couldn’t believe that you were alive. Something red caught her eye. “Uh, Joel?” she pointed behind your head, her voice sounding so small.
He was so fixated on watching your face that he hadn’t seen the blood staining the white snow behind your head, “Fuck.”
As you continued to cough he felt around the back of your head. There was a small swollen knot that was split by a not so deep cut. There was no indentation which was his main concern. And head injuries bled a lot, he reminded himself as he looked at his now crimson coated hand.
The coughs slowed down but he started worrying why you weren’t shivering. He was shaking uncontrollably. You were still. 
“Here’s what I need you to do- take the horse and bring all our stuff down here. We have to get her warm.”
Ellie was silent. Frozen in fear staring at the blood.
“Ellie…Ellie?!” He said loudly, snapping her out of it, “You hear me?”
“I- I’m on it.” She jumped on the horse and galloped away. 
He pulled you so that you were propped up against a tree–he didn't want you to drown in the water you were clearing from your body. He brushed some hair out of your face with his numb fingers–he couldn't even feel the soft strands. Then he started to gather sticks for a fire. 
You were in and out of consciousness. You mumbled a few times but never made much sense. 
Ellie returned and helped Joel finish building the fire, it needed to be big. He kept repeating that to her.
They set up the tent. Facing it towards the fire so that the heat wafted and was captured underneath. Then he put all the sleeping bags and any fabric they packed inside. By this time Joel was shaking so bad he could barely pick up anything- now all of his appendages were numb. His tremors were now so severe that his speech was broken.
“I’m gonna ge-get all of these wet clothes–off of her, and get her in-inside.”
She nodded, liking the plan so far.
“Listen- I don’t know how to say this a-any other way, but we are going t-to be naked.”
She looked a little put off and confused.
“It’s just for bo-body heat, nothin’ weird.”
“Nothing, weird?”
“You-you know what, I- I mean,” he clenched his fists trying to demand that his body stop shaking.
“Ok so what do you want me to do?”
“I want you…to ta-take the rifle, and be on lo-look out…she has to ge-get warm–”
“Joel…I’ve got this. Just…take care of her..please.” 
He nodded in an understanding agreement, if he takes care of you then everything else will be ok.
She picked up the gun and mentally started outlining a perimeter to pace.
He pulled you over to the fire and began to undress you. His hands fumbled with the buttons and he winced when he finally noticed that you were missing a boot. He removed your shirt and jacket, leaving your top half bare. His eyes traced the many forming bruises–nothing near as bad as the last time. Then his hands touched your belt buckle. Visions from mere hours ago when he was unfastening it for a completely different reason flashed before him. 
Tears returned and he started sniffing loudly, ‘gah’ he helplessly croaked out as he removed the remaining clothing. Nothing more to note, just more of the same–discolored bruising and small scrapes. 
The bleeding on the back of your head was slowing down, though he still wrapped the injury with gauze. The bandage wrapped around and covered the top of your forehead. 
He laid you gently on top of a sleeping bag–the tent had a floor but he was trying his best to keep you from the cold ground. Then he put all the other sleeping bags, blankets, and even clothes on top of you. He took off his wet boxers and threw them out of the tent and snuggled as close to you as he could possibly get.
Your skin felt like ice. He hissed at the first contact but without hesitation pulled you to him even tighter. He was truly enveloping your form- legs were entangled, his broad chest and strong arms cocooned around you securely, even his neck and head curled into you. His hands rubbed up and down your back trying to create a warming friction–but you still weren't shivering…you should be shivering.
He didn't know what else to do, and maybe he'd done all that he could do, but that was hard for a man like Joel to accept. 
He was warming up quickly, and as he regained some sense of touch, he started to feel your skin beneath his fingertips. You were so very soft, much too soft for hands like these he thought to himself. 
Out of nowhere he started talking. He didn't know where it came from, he just opened his mouth and words began pouring out. He wasn't even aware of what he was saying until he heard Sarah's name.
He was telling you about his daughter he then realized. 
You had only asked about her twice. Once at the beginning of your relationship when you found out about her for the first time–which led to him wrongly ignoring you for a whole week. And the second was when he screamed her name in a nightmare–he told you to never mention her again, and went for a walk that lasted a whole day. He didn't know why you put up with him.
Last time you were hurt, when he was so scared he was gonna lose you, he told you how she died. And even then, even after he had opened up and said her name for the first time in years, even knowing that he could trust you- that he loved you, he couldn't bring himself to talk about her…that was for some reason until this moment.
He told you about how smart she was, about how kind and funny, and caring. How she loved to make a big deal on his birthday and always found a way to surprise him with incredibly thoughtful gifts. That she loved to cook and take care of him, because she said he deserved to be taken care of. 
And as he was telling you all of the wonderful things about his daughter it made him realize that she would have absolutely loved you. The two of you had a lot in common and would have probably harassed him into taking care of himself. His chest felt unbearably tight, he had hurt the both of you by not talking about her–by not talking about her he hadn’t let her memory live on, and by not telling you he had unintentionally kept a huge part of his heart hidden.
Suddenly he felt you. If he weren’t melded to you so tightly he probably wouldn’t have, but he did. You were starting to tremble.
“That's it baby. Warm up for me.”
He kept rubbing your back. He could feel a thin layer of sweat collect between you, it was from him he was certain. He'd gone from cold to warm to quite hot. The fire had heated up the small space in no time at all. 
Before long chills started to shake your body and he could hear your teeth chattering. He felt you nuzzle closer to his chest.
“Sweetheart?”
“S’ cold.”
“You'll be warm in a minute.”
“Wha time is…?” your words were slurred.
“Late. We should probably wake up.” he really hoped that you would wake up, or at least seem more alert.
“Yea…”
And then you lost consciousness or fell back asleep one, or maybe both.
An hour or so passed and you were coming down from the worst of your chills. Your teeth were no longer clicking and your skin felt much warmer to the touch.
He felt your head shift to look up.
“Hey,” he smiled, warmly down at you.
“Hi,” you turned your head and took in your surroundings. Saying you were confused was an understatement. “Where are we?”
“You don't remember?” his brows creased and his smile drained from his face.
“I- I remember…ELLIE!” you sat up quickly, he did too.
“It’s ok, she's ok. I promise.” he pulled you into a hug and as your bare breasts brushed against his arm hair you noticed for the first time that you were naked–you both were.
“Joel, what the hell happened?” you asked into the crease of his neck.
He explained everything, and you were slowly able to fill all of the missing holes of your memory–the fall, the battle in the water, the rock that took you out.
“You saved me again,” tears fell from your eyes.
“Sweetheart I’ll save you everyday if you'll let me,” he wiped them away with his thumb, you heard the gauze rustle.
“Wha?” you reached up and felt the bandage seeming to cover your head. 
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he chuckled, “Just a little thing. I might have been…excessive.”
You laughed and the strain of it made you notice the pain in your chest. You placed your hand over your heart and looked at him, obviously confused.
“Yeah…that might hurt for a bit,” he winced. “You- you weren't breathing when I got you out of the water–”
“You had to do CPR!?”
“I did.” he swallowed thickly and looked away.
“Oh, Joel… thank you.” you moved your leg over his lap and straddled him, you grimaced, your body was more battered than you thought. He openly began to weep, sobs wrecked through his body. You rested his head to your chest, and rubbed the back of his head until his breaths calmed and his shaking stopped.
“Ya know, this would be really hot in other circumstances.” you weren't in the mood, not even close. You felt like you had been run over by a truck, you were just trying to lighten the mood. “In a tent, naked with you.”
He chuckled, you felt him smile against you. He turned and kissed your soft supple skin. “I’m so glad you're ok…when you fell, just you can't do that shit.”
You leaned away from him, “What? Save Ellie?”
“Can't just…react. I could have tied something together—”
“If she would have fallen into the water, I would have never forgiven you. You know that right?”
He shook his head, “I never would have forgiven myself but- but darlin’…jesus.”
“I don't want to fight. Not about this and not right now, my head is killing me, but know this Joel Miller- if either one of you ever need saving, and I can, I will.” You grabbed a dry shirt and pulled on over your head. “It isn't something up for discussion, and I won't be talked out of it. You jumped in the water to save me- that was dangerous, we sometimes do dangerous things for the ones we love.” He looked like a kicked puppy but you continued, “If I don’t act, if I sit back and think about it- took time to come up with a plan, and then lost you anyway…then what–then what would be the point?”
You put your hand behind his head and pulled him closer again, whispering against his face, “I know you'd do the same so don't play all high and mighty with me, you will always lose that battle,” you placed a kiss on his lips.
He returned the kiss eagerly. Your lips were chapped but they had never tasted better to him. He pulled you both up so that you were both kneeling, and he pressed your body into his. He wished you hadn't put on the shirt, despite all of the previous contact he still felt like he needed to feel you.
“Joel…” you reluctantly warned into his mouth.
“I know…I know–but god I just want to feel you right now.”
You hummed in agreement and stayed for another minute or two, and then slowly backed out of his embrace. He smoothed back his hair and looked around for his extra clothes. You threw his boxers at his face, he laughed and grabbed you back to him- suddenly catching you off balance and the jerking motion hurt your head.
You hissed and massaged your temple.
“Shit I’m sorry.”
“It's fine..I think I need to lie down.”
“You ok?”
“Yeah, just need a minute.”
“You rest,” he tucked you in and kissed your forehead, “I’m gonna tell Ellie that you're doin’ better.”
“Kay,” you closed your suddenly very tired eyes.
Come morning it was snowing. It was a pleasant snow, the kind that was peaceful to watch with large flakes that floated down to the earth. You had slept straight through the night. Joel and Ellie took turns, taking watch and staying by you. You woke with a ravenous appetite, and ate enough for three meals. Neither of them said a word, in a humorous delight- they just watched you scarf down the food.
They both insisted that you rode the horse on your journey home. You didn't want to, but you would admit that your equilibrium was still somewhat off, and your body was very sore. So you relented and did as they asked.
When you returned to Jackson, the doctor examined you and said that you had a mild concussion and were still experiencing the symptoms from hypothermia, but were otherwise fine. You'd just have to take it easy for a week or two.
A week later you were working back in the armory, this time though you had no complaints. 
When you came home, you opened the door and was immediately hit with a delicious aroma, “Joel? Ellie?” you called out a little suspicious. You tended to be this family's chef. 
“In the dining room,” Joel responded.
You could hear the two of them whispering hurriedly, and you heard silverware clanking around. When you entered the room your jaw dropped. 
They were both dressed up. Joel with a nice dark blue buttoned up shirt that you'd never seen- the sleeves neatly rolled up, dark pants, and his hair looked styled with…what was that gel? Ellie was wearing a white buttoned up shirt, and she had her hair down with one small braid off to the side (you had taught her how to braid her horse's mane and she was getting proud of her skills). 
The ambiance was almost romantic, dim with nothing but candles lighting up the room. The table was set like they were expecting royalty and they had a bottle of wine in front of where you usually sat.
Joel moved to your chair and held it out for you, “Your chair Madame.”
“What is this?” you hoped you didn't look as shocked as you felt. You did.
“I made you dinner.” Ellie said proudly, “So sit.”
She left abruptly to retrieve the food.
You chuckled and sat. Joel pushed you in like a gentleman and then placed your napkin in your lap. “Wine Madame?” He was trying to do a french accent but it oddly just sounded somehow even more texan.
You giggled, “Oui Monsieur.”
He laughed, “Am I not garcon?
“A little boy?”
He looked flustered, “Oh…I reckon I don't know much French.” He filled your glass almost to the brim. He looked nervous.
You giggled again, “I don't either.”
Ellie walked in with a massive pot. It was a stew loaded with meat and potatoes. Then she went back to the kitchen and brought out some bread rolls that she learned to make from a sweet old lady. 
“Ellie…what is this about?”
“I just– I just wanted to do something special for you. Joel said that you mentioned doing this before and I thought it might be something nice for you. I just…you fucking saved me.”
“Ellie–”
“No, I know. It still just sucks. How do you thank someone for saving your life ya know?”
“Easy.” you smiled lovingly at her.
She tilted her head in curiosity. 
“You live yours baby.”
She moved to you quickly, and sat in your lap.You held her tightly, and she pressed into the nook of your neck.
Joel shuffled and stealthily wiped his eyes.
She sat up and looked at you, her eyes were red, “I don't really want to cry any more.”
“Then hop up, and let's eat.”
She hugged you again and then stood.
“Tell me about what you made me.”
She smiled and told you about everything in great detail.
Dinner was immaculate, that sounds over the top but it truly was. Once you had all cleaned your plates she returned to the kitchen and brought out a pie. A pie!!! You don't want to admit it, really you don't, but you ate half of it.
You were so proud of her and kept flooding her with compliments. 
When everyone finished, you tried to help clean but they shooed you away. Joel grabbed your plate from you and whispered in your ear, “Go take a shower, I'll be up in a minute,” and gave you a rather passionate kiss.
You ran upstairs and took a very quick shower, your body was throbbing with anticipation. But alas, with belly full wine, pie, bread, and stew- after your warm relaxing shower- laying on your comfy bed that smelled of Joel's masculine scent- with a content mind and body, you fell asleep in record time.
When he entered the bedroom he saw you splayed out on top of the bed. “Sweetheart?” he asked softly- when he heard you deep breaths he immediately knew that you were asleep. It was hard to be disappointed when you looked so beautiful. He softly caressed your cheek, almost in awe of how incredibly lucky he was. He managed to gently maneuver you so that you were under the covers. He tucked you in and kissed the tip of your nose.
Then he unbuttoned his shirt, opened the dresser, and hid the ring back inside.
--------
if I forgot to tag you I am so sorry: @givemeth , @farintonorth
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passionartx · 1 year
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Hi!! Firstly, I LOVE your Tangled AU, so glad to see Tails getting more focus in AU’s. I wondering: Do you have any general Tails related headcannons?
Hiya! 💛✨ Thank you so, so much! And ooo this is such a fun question. Tbh, I have too many, I could write an essay! This account isn’t as popular as my au blog since I’m pretty inactive on it so probably only like 3 people will see this… but I hope those hypothetical 3 people enjoy my inevitable waffle and chaos! <3
Will also use this opportunity to hype up some friends and people who’s work I admire!!!
A few of my favourite Tails Headcannons! :
- I love the idea that him and Sonic were 4 and 11 when they first met.
- Sonic will always be Tails’ big brother first and foremost… however, as Aosth Tails put it: “You’re my mom, you’re my dad and you’re my picket fence!”. Sonic having accidentally become the closest thing Tails has to a parental figure has a hold on my heart and I love how writers like @chaoxfix and my homie @myyla-x portray this in their fics!
- After having first met (and honestly even a few years in) if Sonic ever had to leave Tails alone for a while for whatever reason, maybe to protect him from a particular battle, Tails would deal with hardcore abandonment issues. Poor lil guy would fear Sonic wouldn’t come back, that he didn’t want him around anymore (which is made 10 times worse if you headcannon he was abandoned by his parents). Lil guy wouldn’t know what to do with himself <\3
- Tails reminds Shadow of Maria. Probably my favourite Tails headcannon! Though I guess it’s more of a Shadow headcannon… am I using this as an excuse to talk about it? More likely then you’d think. But ahh, those blue eyes, yellowish fur, sweet gentle childlike wonder, love of life and learning + Ian flynn has confirmed given her upbringing Maria was prob a bit of a science kid. Ah <3 Plus that brings the idea of Sonic and Tails’ dynamic reminding him of his with Maria’s and that makes me want to cry. I actually have a WIP fic about this headcannon but it’s been a wip for like a year… hopefully one day I’ll finish it cause I’m literally obsessed with the idea and want to see it through.
^ Also extra nostalgic about this headcannon cause my friendship with @sh-0-w-1-sh literally started cause they were looking for art ideas and I was like TAILS REMINDING SHADOW OF MARIA!!! And here we are almost a year later!
- For better or for worse he’s picked up a lot of his big bros traits. I’m talking puns, poses, that lil nose rub and foot tapping, occasional cockiness, being self sacrificial, the list goes on. Once he realises this or anyone else especially Sonic points it out, he’d probably be super embarrassed and deny it <3
Speaking of picking up habits…
- While he would definitely be scared by certain situations like this ( << the Starline issue 35 and 36 situation being a good example with other people being at risk and him not really understanding the situation or his role in it ) I think Tails would be pretty desensitised to being kidnapped or hostage situations at this point. He’d probably just find it an inconvenience more then anything or be entertained by the hypothetical villains incompetence. Me and @myyla-x had a conversation about this idea once and… it’s been like 6 months and we’re still talking about it. One day that’ll make sense. We got a lil carried away. Just a lil. Anyway someone get this kid therapy. <3
- An already pretty popular one but I felt the need to mention it cause I relate, but he gets so sucked into projects and his inventions that hours and hours can go by and he just zones out and forgot to eat… well, anything but mints at least.
- Tails is a theatre kid. :D Is this self projection? … maybe. If nobody else gets me @guiltypandas gets me <3 :,)
- I think Tails would be in denial if Sonic died. As smart and logical as that little guy is, given how Sonic has beat the unbeatable, has come back before and seems invisible… yeah. <\3 I think he’d always hold onto the hope that it would only be a matter of time until Sonic comes back… even if this time that wouldn’t be the case… my friend @whitecatindisguise actually wrote an amazing fic about this when we talked about the idea called He’s (Not) Coming Back (which if you haven’t already you should totally check out cause it’s amazing! And a heart breaking! The best kinda fic :,) )
- I think Tails has a heart of gold…but I also think depending on certain circumstances if he hadn’t have met Sonic he could have gone down a much darker path (which I guess ended up being somewhat proven with Nine in Sonic Prime!). Me and @casperangel have screamed about this too many times then I can count and it haunts me.
- Tails is a sweetie, a cutey patooty, like an adorable little house cat… but similarly (and yet again as proven thanks to Prime!) Tails definitely has a feral side. Especially if he hasn’t gotten enough sleep or gets his mints confiscated. @dunkinbublin and @studioboner ‘s accounts are absolute goldmines when it comes to Tails multitasking being an adorable lil guy and a feral lil menace!
- Tails and Tangle have sibling energy! I mean, Tails is basically everyone’s adopted little brother, Knuckles and Amy especially, but I think him and Tangles dynamic isn’t talked about enough and I’m super glad we’ve had some sweet moments with them in the comics! @pocketscribbs is feeding the Tails and Tangle nation fr <3
This was super fun! Thank you so much again for asking and I hope you have an amazing day! And if someone actually read all of this… you’re a trooper :,) <3
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slooshee · 1 year
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I finally have some Human Disguise AU stuff for you guys! I’m planning to do more in depth individual post on each character in the au but here’s some info+art for now!
(A lot of writing ahead haha,,)
Drawing 1 - Sarah, Jonah and Adam are about 10 years old in this au. Sarah lives with her older brother Mark (who survives in this au thanks to a certain silly angel appearing at the right place and time :>). Adam and Jonah live on the church grounds, being fostered by Sister Maria (who is actually Preacher). The boys help out at the Church (helping clean up, helping around the church in general, and they also serve as alter boys) Sarah met them both at school. This is them sneaking out and hanging out at the willow tree they like to meet up at.
Drawing 2 - A little bit of a silly drawing of Sarah and Gabie (Gabriel/Toonbriel, that’s the name he uses while staying on earth) watching older my little pony movies from G3. Not canon (since TVs aren’t really.. like y’know safe) although I do think Sarah would have some MLP toys.
Drawing 3 - rough concept art for HDAU!Adam and Jonah. Nothing really more to add tbh.
Drawing 4 - Sister Maria (aka Preacher) sketch/concept sketch. Sister Maria in this au is Adam’s caretaker after Adam was left with no family. She’s raised him since he was very little. She’s an elderly religious woman. If you were to take off her veil her being an alternate would become much more apparent. Her design was heavily based on the ‘messenger’ image.
Drawing 5 - Adam and preacher. Adam is the only one who has seen the assimilated version of Maria. Although he is not aware Maria and the creature are on in the same. He only sees her at night where it usually stands in the corner of his room, in the dark, keeping watch over him. He usually closes his eyes and tries to drown out the whispering.
Drawing 6 - Thatcher comforting Adam after something startled him. Oh yeah! You better believe I’m shoving dadtcher content into this bad boy!!! Thatcher is probably the closest thing Adam has to any kind of Father figure in his life. Since Adam is the only thing that ‘survived’ the night that Ruth and Adam’s parents died. He ended up taking care of Adam for a short amount of time while he was still a baby. Thatcher was too scared to take care of a baby and especially with his newfound paranoia of the alternates he decided he needed to find a better place for Adam. That’s when Sister Maria visited and offered to be his caretaker till they found him a home. However, since Maria doesn’t/cannot drive Thatcher usually picks him up from school.
Drawing 7 - Adam and Maria, presumably after being returned by Thatcher after Adam tried to run away.
Drawing 8 - SOME CESAR CONTENT?? I definitely will go more in depth on these guys later. I’m still working out actual Cesar’s character and role in this au, if I’m honest. But Cesar fans rejoice! bc he’s alive!! Yippie! Alternate Cesar is the stupid little cat creature you see him holding. Alternate Cesar is first encountered when Vol.1 usually would take place. The difference being once Gabriel/Toonbriel shows up completely by accident the sudden appearance of a heavenly presence scares it away. For the rest of his role he takes the form of a cat-like creature. In order to to be a spy for Lucifer/Alt Gabriel on the real Gabriel.
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kdval · 2 months
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I wanna know about Roland? Tell me about him🫣
Hello, Mara! Thank you for asking!
Oof, I'll try to be brief. can't promise tho muwahaha Roland is one of the main POVs in my fantasy/teslapunk novel that takes place in an alternative world, set in ~1900. Once I decided to recreate him in CP to show him to our dear @imaginarycyberpunk2023 (and ended up with creating Lara as well bc they're inseparable in my head and I need to feed my brainrot lul)... so here we are!
In the novel he's a beast hunter, an orphan raised by non-human beings — Presences (you probably know one of them already — Ha'al). Actually, in his youth, he started with hunting people on Presences behalf (only bad people, I promise!), but then they decided he's not suitable for this kind of job and made him a beast hunter instead. At the beginning of the story Roland's been hunting for 20 years and is preparing for the early retirement. He's a captain of a small squad – only three people currently. He's convinced that he's good for nothing but hunting (since it's the only thing he has done his entire life). So his whole arc is basically about him finding a new purpose in life (which ends with meeting Lara).
Roland is stern, stoic man who only opens up with his friends. Despite this he's very talkative, philosophical even. He's from poor village family, and although Presences taught him manners, he can be rude, sharp-tongued and doesn't bow before aristocracy. Roland is an exceptionally good gunslinger, who has some little but useful non-human skills. He's also a one-lady type of guy, and he and Lara are... well, basically they're soulmates (it's a bit more complicated in the novel but let's call it like this for now).
I've been working on this novel for five years already so I don't quite remember where exactly this character started... But I would say Roland is a wild amalgam of different fantasy and non-fantasy characters. He has the dignity and loyalty of Aragorn; the reflection and thinking of Erich Maria Remarque's character; some details in his behavior, appearance, and facial expressions are from H. Jackman’s Wolverine (maybe even his Van Helsing too yeah I love this guy). And some other little details from typical western heroes.
As for his PrEtTy PuPpY fAcE... I designed him long before CP, here's this crude piece of "art" (haven't finished it yet):
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Keeping in mind these type of characters as the prototypes:
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Not completely sure what I'm gonna do with him (and others) to fit him into CP setting tbh... Either I'll try to make an AU to my novel or simply continue... just shooting pics 🤔
I tried to be as comprehensive as I can but feel free to poke me for more info if you want 🙃
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larcenywrites · 6 months
Note
kinda random but headcanons about young!tony telling maria stark all about his girlfriend (maybe she was his best friend/childhood friend and then they fell in love and maria always teased them about how they'd make a cute couple) and maria teasing him about being a lovesick puppy but also being super happy about it + relationship advice from mama stark 🤧🥰 maybe her telling tony what she thinks of his girlfriend and everything 🥺👉👈
Tbh I like the idea of Tony and his s/o being cute childhood friends🥺 and this is already long but I feel like I have so much more I wanna say 😭 I hardly know what I said here honestly 😭 I focused a lot more on the childhood aspect ngl 😭
Word count: 1,909
Warnings: she/her terms and pronouns used | completely SFW |
💠You and Tony have been connected at the hip since childhood! Neighbors, both the only children in your families, same age— so of course you both got up to no good in the shared strip of grass between your homes! And eventually up to no good in each other's homes! 
💠Cue that video of that kid crying because the other kid said that she'd marry him 😂 That's pretty much little you and little Tony! Your Superman and Barbie were always married to his Batman and He-Man toys, and maybe you made him be the housewife when you played house in the kitchen 😌 And Maria was probably much more entertained with whatever love-betrayal-murder plot you two came up with on the living room floor than the daytime soaps on the tv 🤧
💠Especially if Maria is best friends with your parent/s, I'm sure she was the type to giggle about how their kids will grow up and get married 
💠He was ripping apart RC cars instead of playing with them in the driveway, or making you hold wires in place while he duct-taped them around a pipe. And Howard wasn't very happy when he started tearing television remotes apart, too… 
💠So when daddy dearest shipped him off to boarding school, summers and holidays were practically spent entirely together!
💠He always hid in your backyard when he was sent home early from boarding school for being difficult, and was oh-so-boastful about winning the fight that got him sent home early- that he didn't even start, by the way! He started hiding in your room on the days he had to go back, but he wasn't going to let you get in trouble for hiding him when now your parents were involved in the search too 😖
💠Every year, the same routine. Sometimes he came back a little taller, and sometimes he was leaving with a new haircut (of which you weren't afraid to let him know your opinion of it!) that would be grown back out by the time he returned, but one day, in particular, was different...
💠 He'd shown up at your window as per usual, right at the end of summer, finally tall enough to cross his arms over your windowsill without standing on his toes. 
💠 "I don't wanna go," he whined, squishing his cheek against his arm as he rested his head upon his crossed arms. 
💠"But you'll get in trouble," you argued back, meeting him at the window and standing on your knees, still looking down at him. 
💠"I'll get in trouble either way." He continued to pout, but you didn't let up either. 
💠"It's just one more year." But your plea was only met with a sigh.
💠"Here," you started decisively, tone making him turn towards you, still with his chin tucked over his arms. With a short bout of courage, you quickly leaned down before he could even realize, barely touching your lips to his in a child's-excuse-of-a-kiss that hardly lasted a second. "I'll wait for you to get back, okay?" You chirped reassuringly, fighting the heat under your cheeks.
💠Wide-eyed and red-faced, no longer slumped over crossed arms and tight-lipped, he could only nod cartoonishly. 
💠 You'd always thought he looked silly and a bit scrawny in his school uniform, but now he looked quite cute in those silly green shorts as he was finally heeding Jarvis' call from the car. 
💠Both fortunately and unfortunately, nothing special happened or changed once he came home, but as time passes, it's only natural for the two of you to get shy at close contact or steal glances during a round of Galaga or Mario, and maybe sitting a bit close for the thrill!
💠And Maria obviously notices! She doesn't play on the NES herself, but she enjoys watching! Or maybe just enjoys watching you guys 🤭
💠And later that night at dinner, she's definitely teasing Tony about how cute you two are, but even Howard comes to the poor blushing boy's rescue 😖
💠Remember that Tony went to college real early at 16, probably much to your secret bitterness and dismay 😒 but the worst was that, once again, he only came home on summers and winters and holidays 😔 where you got to hear all about his new friend and maybe felt a bit jealous 😔
💠But at least with his more formal education (and more trust from his dad), he was no longer so anarchic with his little science experiments! Sure, he'd always made little robots and been able to put anything back together with only minor issues, but now you were seeing him in a section of the paper with much larger robots and maybe feeling a bit silly now about holding the flashlight for him while he tore apart your family's backup generator 😅 
💠And maybe you leaned in a little too close on purpose when he was sketching out his blueprints to bring to class after spring break... hey, they are actually really good! 
💠Eventually those RC cars became real cars, and eventually he asked you out… with some help from his mom, of course. 
💠"Tony, when are you going to man up and ask (Y/N) out?" Maria asks one day.
💠"Huh?" He's genuinely confused and taken aback, looking over at his mom with furrowed brows.
💠"You heard me." 
💠"I don't think it's like that," he replies meekly, already blushing. 
💠"Didn't you say she kissed you?"
💠"Yeah, when we were like fourteen…" 
💠"And it doesn't seem anyone else is willing to hang out with you every day..."
💠"Should I be offended by that?" 
💠"You should be inspired."
💠Tony rolls his eyes a little, but it is already something he's thought about. Of course he's thought about it! And honestly, you've probably dropped some very frustratingly obvious hints 😖 and Tony isn't stupid. You know this, he knows this. Well, maybe he's a little more inept when it comes to social cues, but still! 
💠Maria has known you for nearly you're whole life, and she already adores you, so don't worry, she also talks all about how lovely you seem and how Tony should go for it! She's on your side! As soon as you leave, she'll have something to say!
💠And the longer Tony puts it off, the more she'll just downright be like, "Y/N was flirting with you, dummy!!!!" or "You guys are very cute 🥰"
💠Tony is frustrated not because he disagrees, but because he really doesn't know what to do and doesn't wanna look stupid :( Because, let's be honest, in this circumstance, he has 0 experience 🤧
💠After awkwardly trying and failing to ask you out in his garage one night, after fumbling to grab every tool and getting hit by the car's hood he didn't properly secure, and then became even more flustered after you grabbed onto his shoulders and head and asked if he was okay, he decided to begrudgingly ask his mom for help 😖
💠And gets even more embarrassed when she excitedly agrees 😓
💠"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just help me out here," he whines in a regional New York accent that he's probably mostly shed by now with his college career. 
💠And only many months later will Maria tell you about his red cheeks and scrunched nose as he asked 🤭
💠But!!! What she's saying... he already failed at a few days ago :( He tried asking you on a date during a casual hangout :( but he was already not doing himself many favors so he gave up and just let you go home with nothing more than a meek "see ya 🙂" 
💠His mom makes him feel a little better about it, especially when she says that you probably thought it was cute😊😊 and probably knew what was up anyway! But, uh, maybe still make sure you don't do that next time... have more confidence!
💠So... the next time you're both hanging out in his garage... he's probably puffing out his chest and flexing a bit 🤭 but when you do look, it does help his confidence! And that's the point! 
💠This time when you go to leave, he's still a bit flustered and stumbling through a few words, but he does manage to get out a "so, um... I was thinking maybe we should go somewhere... nicer? Next time? Maybe Friday?"
💠He becomes a bit squeaky at the end there, but it only helps him look cuter! Of course, you've been waiting on this for years, probably, so you can confidently smile back at him and tell him you'd love that- maybe even tell him that you have been waiting for him to ask!
💠Bonus points if you give him a little cheek kiss before you head home, kinda reminiscent of your silly little childhood kiss 🥰 And yes, Tony never forgot it 😘
💠Your confidence (and his lack thereof) definitely throws him off! But don't let his stiff demeanor fool you! He's very happy! And can't hide his grin when he head into his own house... which his mom instantly picks up on and may have been watching through the window 🤭
💠And might tease him about that little kiss 😘
💠But now... he has to actually plan the date 😨
💠First dates are always awkward (especially with your childhood friend!), but with some pretty flowers and surprisingly confident handholding, it goes well! 
💠Bonus points for another cheek kiss before you head inside your house after he drops you off 😘 
💠Either way, now he's hooked! 
💠Now, when you lean over the edge of the car to look under the hood and huddle close to him, he can't help but smile all giddy and sneak a kiss 🥺 because now he's allowed to and now he's super cute 😭
💠He used to always keep it to himself, but now when he calls his mom every week from school like usual, he can't help but complain about being bored without you 🥺 only for Rhodey to scoff offendedly behind him loud enough for Maria to hear 😭 
💠And you know Rhodey got an earful when Tony returned from Summer break talking about his new girlfriend 😘
💠And you also know that when Tony calls you from school, Rhodes is waiting not only to make his own calls, but 7 out of 10 times waiting to make kissy noises and aws every time Tony says he misses you or anything along those lines 🥰 The other times, Rhodey does give you guys some peace and quiet, but sometimes him being there for the call is fun too! 
💠But even when he is home, and even if you were just over yesterday or earlier that day, Maria can tell he's bummed ☹️
💠But honestly it does kinda make her happy! Her son is in love!! But she can't help but tease him about being all lovesick 🥰🥰 There's probably a picture somewhere of him pouting at the breakfast table, but he'll brush it off as him being tired 😤
💠The two of them being close is, believe it or not, a good thing for you! Sure, Maria is protective of her son, but she's also protective of you! Moreso when it comes to your relationship with Tony! 
💠If Tony comes to confide in her about an argument, whether or not he's in the wrong, she's telling him how to fix it 🤧 and sending him with flowers 💐
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obrother1976 · 1 year
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can u make like. ur top 10 books. freak books. anything. kisses your brain
sure!! these r not gonna be ranked bc god knows i could never choose between them & also im gonna be annoying and ramble a bit about every one
death in venice by thomas mann (classic. but its so rich w metaphors and symbolism. if you do read it, i'd recommend reading "the uses of myth in death in venice" by isadore traschen afterwards, bc it does a great job explaining all the freudian allegories and mythological symbolism and u'll literally be tearing ur hair out afterwards over how brilliant thomas mann was)
the carnivorous lamb by agustín gómez-arcos (idc that i've already talked about this a gajillion times on here. its literally the best book i've ever read. i'll forever be obsessed and i wish there was literally anything that could ever hit as hard as this did. if u read it, anon (if u havent already) dont go through the carnivorous lamb tag on here bc u need to experience this without any big prior knowledge. trust me)
erotism: death and sensuality by george bataille (ik im just listing the classics atp. but how could i ever leave that one out. this ones a lot and depending on how into bataille & philosophy in general u are it could be too much. but if u havent already read this one anon, just read the introduction. trust me ure gonna loose it from that alone)
gemini by michel tournier (this one... took me ages to get through it on my first read bc of the way its written, but it was so worth it. not even gonna say much about this one - its basically like if twins by bari wood was good lmao)
incest: from a "journal of love": the unexpurgated diary of anais nin, 1932-1934 (or every anais nin diary ever in general, but this one especially. there was just no one that got it quite like she did)
indecent theology: theological perversions in sex, gender and politics by marcella althaus-reid (sorry for literally recommending theory. im pretty sure u were asking for fiction lol, but this (& althaus-reid in general) is everything to me. if u've any interest whatsoever in theology u should check this one out)
the sluts by dennis cooper (slightly controversial opinion i think? not that the book itself is controversial, just that dennis cooper is very hit and miss at times. this book tho, definite hit. its so intense and convoluted and i loved every second of it. read this before death and sensuality and u're guaranteed to think of nothing else for at least a month)
querelle of brest by jean genet ("those knock-out body fluids: blood, sperm, tears!". kind of a classic since theres also the fassbinder movie but i prefer the book tbh. its been a while since i've read it but it'll forever be in my favourites)
crash by j.g. ballard (yeah ik we've all seen crash but i need more ppl to read the book. hold on actually i need to insert one of my favourite bits from it here:
Reaching through the fractured windshields and passenger windows around me, I marked my semen on the oily instrument panels and binnacles, touching these wound areas at their most deformed points.)
ada, or ardor: a family chronicle by vladimir nabokov (one of the most beautiful books i've ever read. probably not the most helpful recommendation bc im pretty sure its a classic but i cant not mention it.)
also some bonus recommendations of books that didnt make the list bc they're either not freak books or bc i havent read them yet:
christopher and his kind by christopher isherwood (not a freak book. not even remotely. but will forever have a special place in my heart.)
the sparrow by maria doria russell (read this one anon!!! this would be on the list, but im not fully finished w it yet so i cant officially put it in my top 10 yet)
exquisite corpse by poppy z. brite (havent read that one yet but its on my list!!)
autobiography of red by anne carson (not a freak book. beautifully written, a work of art really)
as meat loves salt by maria mccann (havent read that one yet. hoping its as good as everyone says)
skagboys by irvine welsh (one thing about me is that i'll always find a way to mention the trainspotting books)
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fraudulent-cheese · 5 months
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Think you would change any of the finalists of any of the seasons? Think you mentioned a Pahkitew redo or something, would that be a part of it?
OH BOY THAT IS. A QUESTION IN A HALF
I'll start off by giving my opinion on all the finalists of each season!
TDI: Honestly, i wouldn't change it. Both Gwen and Owen are pretty relevant characters, they're fun as the finalists and it makes sense they'd make it that far tbh. I wouldn't swap them out for anyone else this season outside of maybe Leshawna if her elimination wasn't so cheap? That or change it to be like "oh yeah we should make them stay in this nice resort instead of that shitty summer camp" as motivation for nominating someone during Haute-Campture. Idk. Id be more in favor of finalist Leshawna if Fresh TV, you know, gave her more relevance outside of being Gwen's bestie towards the end? And just gave her character depth? Or an arc on her own? But she's the only other candidate in my eyes
TDA: I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: THE FINALISTS SHOULD'VE BEEN LINDSAY AND HAROLD. why was Duncan a finalist. Literally why. What does he do that's interesting enough to justify keeping him for the ENTIRE SEASON. If you wanted to do the Courtney list plotthread, just introduce it earlier on in the season and kick Duncan then! Or better yet, make one of the early rejoins be Courtney instead and have Duncan get eliminated pre-merge and Izzy come back post-merge! Im less against finalist Beth, but her character's plotlines aren't compelling to me at all this season :/
Lindsay on the other hand has a full character arc this season of coming into her own and trying her hand at leadership, has a rivalry with Courtney, and she still keeps her character throughout! And honestly i just think Harold's an entertaining character and him making it further than Duncan for at least one season would've been great!
TDWT: As the season is written? I wouldn't change the finalists at all. Heather and Alejandro are the most important characters of the season outside of the Love Triangle and Cody + Sierra and if you want my opinion, none of them should've been finalists. Now, if you do rewrite the season, i'd say Courtney (or even Eva if you make her rejoin mid season) deserved at least to reach the final three. Don't have much to say here.
ROTI: JO. OMG JO. JO SHOULD'VE BEEN A FINALIST. Again, i've made a post about this earlier (which i CANNOT FIND. WHY) But Jo should've been a finalist! They didn't need to give Lightning a vilain arc in the last two episodes just because! Im not super against Cameron being a finalist, but i don't like Lightning being one. Granted you could argue for different characters making for good finalists if you're going to rewrite the entire season (Anne Maria maybe? Or Zoey)
TDAS: Oh boy, TDAS. Sweet, sweet TDAS. Listen. Listen. In an alternate universe where Total Drama is a good show, Mike and Zoey could be good finalists. Unfortunately for them there is a large, looming Courtney-shaped shadow over that idea, made even worse by how both Zoey and Mike were used throughout the season.
Yeah if you couldn't tell by now, Courtney 101% SHOULD have been a finalist! TDAS should've been her season! It's the only season where she makes it past Duncan! She's a strong competitor, a compeling character, she's been put through shit the entire series, hell she could have interesting interactions with all the cast members! But no, Sundae Muddy Sunday happened instead.
As for possible finalists? Lindsay. And Jo. Yeah look if they're not gonna be finalists in earlier seasons you may as well make them finalists here. You could still make an argument for Zoey if the season were rewritten, but otherwise yeah this is probably the worst season for canon finalists :(
TDPI: Honestly with the direction they took, im... fine, with Sky and Shawn being the finalists. They're relevant characters, they have the more important arcs and outside of Scarlett and Jasmine, some of the most competent characters, enough to get here.
I'll take this as an opportunity to say i haven't landed yet on finalists for my PI rewrite? I know for a fact i want Sammy to be one, but im unsure about the other. All i know is that i don't think it'll be Shawn or Sky.
TD2023 S1: Nothing wrong with Bowie and Priya as finalists i'll be real! Priya might be a bit predictable, but it opened up alot of avenues for different things to be explored within her character (that the show never took rip), and she honestly deserved to get far for this cast's first season. As for Bowie, he's pretty relevant all throughout the season and seeing a more antagonistic character make it to final two is really nice to see! No complaints!
TD2023 S2: ALL OF THE COMPLAINTS! ALL OF THEM! The final 3 kind of sucks this season because every option has at least one gapping flaw in it due to the writing over the season: Wayne is barely a character for half the season and only gets interesting moments before the finale, Caleb has the most dragged out and annoying romance subplot in all of TD (not just because it was boring and artificial but because it dragged down and arguably ruined one of the most interestin characters of it's cast) and Julia's just magically gotten amazing at everything, INCLUDING playing the game because these teenagers just keep! beliving her! and telling her things! for some reason! Urghhh
If i had to rewrite the season entirely i'd have an MK vs Raj final 2. You'd get the antag/vilain rep for a finalist position, and hopefully a more interesting character than Wayne (fuck you Raj's more interesting of the two by default.) Maybe Scary Girl could be a 3rd curveball option. Nichelle or Axel if they were given actual arcs. And characters. Whatever.
Sorry for ending this post on such a sour note! i just really don't like reboot season 2 everytime i think about anything outside of the Finale or Mkulia!
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