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#probably wont happen but. i can hope cant i
the-gayest-sky-kid · 4 months
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hes so freaked out...
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birdclowns · 14 days
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🙏🙏 hoping my new meds miraculously fix my brain so I can be normal and Do Things without feeling The Dread of Existing
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pasta5284 · 10 months
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watching the world rly descend into fascism over the years is just so upsetting i dont even know how to process it
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orcelito · 2 months
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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intoafandom · 1 year
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#right so I’m hiding this sht in the tags because im going to sound like an absolute crazy person and i hope no one sees this or reads this#because im going to sound stupid and delusional and ik im 99.99% sure this is not gunna happen but i have to say it anyway to get it out of#my head. sooo woong dyed his hair back to black which normally i wouldn’t bat an eyelash at but idk im just getting this feeling because#they just freaking played bring it on on the radio and were dancing and singing to ravns part and ON TOP OF THAT THEY ALSO DID REWIND WHERE#XION LITERALLY SANG ALL OF RAVNS PARTS and like i cant stop thinking about it. rewind. REWIND of all songs. why did they pick THAT one.#out of EVERYTHING they picked rewind. the song that pays homage to their past memories as 6. literally doing the choreo in their seats when#the song is about TURNING BACK TIME. and now woong dyed is hair back to black. like how it was right before yj left...#leedos hair is also the same length now...and if Seoho’s hair is back to black as well...#we all feel like something big is coming and when u pair this with all the japan stuff...i cant help but think...and im still thinking about#ravns insta stories. there will be an answer let it be. ive done all i can do now i have to wait for fate. paraphrasing but yeah.#and lets not forget the fact that ravn JUST posted his full face for the first time in months. everything feels so significant and like#everything is coming together for some big moment. i cant stop thinking about it. fvcking rewind. like they’re going to be turning back the#clock completely. same looks as malus aka their last true comeback as 6 and apparently their next comeback is ALSO IN SEPTEMBER?? like...#im probably reading into this but...i cant help but think......something very huge is coming. something HUGE. something more than just#ravn dropping his mixtape. if that’s all that happens I’ll be happy 100% duh...but idk...i just think there’s gunna be something MORE.#im too scared to post this on twitter cuz ik ravn lurks and if im wrong which I probably am I wouldn’t want him to see it#or anyone else either. but im saying it here bc if i dont say it at all ill go crazy. and most of my followers here are b’s fans so they#wont read this and maybe i can bury it lol
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DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT DUDE I LEAVE ASKS FOR WEEKS BECAUSE I'M EVIL (EASILY DISTRACTED AND INARTICULATE) SHDGKJDSHDSLGF see you got to it before I was even done with a stream...
But yeah The Smile Ruined My Life. It helps it's not as silly as his last card's though lol
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The "soul patch" is a bit of both; it is amplified a lot by lighting, but you can see it's noticeably darker/less patchy than the rest of his facial hair in his texture even when lighting isn't a factor and it's like that for his younger model too. I rarely notice when Tsutsumi actually has one though because it blends in with the shadow lol (sorry for the disgustingly high res texture btw I don't know why they did that and Tumblr blows it up to max size anyway </3)
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YAYAYAY HOPE YOU ENJOY GOD OF RISK <3 Genuinely don't remember a single thing so probably due a rewatch for me as well. I do miss Hit Me too...
That's exactly the vision! Sad dog left out in the rain. I love fish out of water (so to speak) type stuff where the character is normally So Serious and So Capable. Jo just Existing In Public is such an image, right... because he's like... this guy with a fifty-foot AOE "leave me the fuck alone" aura active at all times but wearing one of THE most eye-grabbing fits... Honestly kind of insane no one ever connected Aoki to the yakuza before Nick's call-out post, though.
It's fun to imagine RGG characters just living their lives too. I LOVED Mine's first event because he had a lot of commentary on random encounters you could have in Y3 and even achievements you could get, while offering a pretty good idea of what his day-to-day is like
he cant be smiling so sincerely while holdin a fuckin katana that looks RIGHT RIDICULOUSAELKJA (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
if my followers can handle me posting masato and aoki's skinned face texture, then i can surely handle a bit of extra hi-res stubble ☠️☠️ BUT i dosee it. if i squint real hard (the shadows in the rggo card really do help point it out)
I'M ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE FIRST EP RN (got distracted for a sec to hang with my bro) AND SO FAR IM ENJOYIN IT !! Business Bullshit has always entertained me, and esp when kaori's being so hard headed rn only to be faced with the facts that if she doesnt change Serious Shit is going to hit the fan is ABSOLUTELY pulling me in
YAYAYA THATS EXACTLY IT I LOVE FISH-OUT-OF-WATER TYPE OF SCENARIOS TOO. it really is funny that no one connected the dots when every other npc or character seem so deadset on clocking characters like kiryu frame one as yakuza. meanwhile there's alligator-print, perpetual-scowl and slicked-back hair jo and everyone just seems to be none the wiser. He Just Looks Like That Don't Be Rude☠️☠️
i LOVE imaginin charas doin mundane shit so much, it's probably why i really enjoy slice-of-life stuff. Oh The Beauty Of Everyday Life Etc Etc- esp when applied to yakuza characters where it should be hard for a day to be bland and not noteworthy ☠️
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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volkswagenital · 2 years
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tbh these past couple weeks have been really...peaceful. i feel a sense of levity and im a lot more calm typically. i feel really lax and free-feeling now. maybe its just because i love winter, and with things getting consistently cold here i dont have to worry about thermoregulating as much. maybe its my internship. maybe its because things at home have been....moderately normal. its still not great, and far from perfect, and i want out the second i can, but its the closest to normal its ever been. im the closest to normal ive ever been.
#kage rattles#im still not...happy /overall/#i have a lot of issues#and things still like frustrate me etc like im not completely happy 100% of the time bc no one is-#but im doing...okay. fine.#okay maybe 'normal' is not the best word for it#or for ME#but...my trauma and home life are...taking a bit of a back seat lately.#i dont feel as like. consumed by them. as i used to#and i know this wont last forever#i know some dumb shits gonna happen and probably ruin it and things will get worse at home again or something#but- for now- im choosing to enjoy this#ive noticed it in myself. periodically.#i mean...i spoke about something i /never/ speak about semi recently. it took 7 years to be able to just...mention that it happened.#without it being in the context of me having a breakdown.#its still hard. i still cant say his name.#but its...better. much much better.#gives me hope that maybe i can be okay. maybe one day i will be.#maybe...going back to school is closer than i thought. i would certainly like to#NOT like in a months time or something#but maybe sept next yr if my legal stuff is all settled??#it would be. nice :} i think i want to go back#i didnt hate school. never did.#i hate the school SYSTEM. but i like the school enviroment#and taking classes that are geared towards my interests and strengths will be good for me#senior year was really bad but that was because of home#otherwise i was typically a Fine student#go back for some general studies and get my grades up and then go into wherever fits best#thanatology/mortuary science interests me a lot and thats where i want to go most#however my lifelong interest in zoology may just prevail
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pheonix-inside · 2 years
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Uh oh I made such a fuss about not wanting to pursue professional theatre after highschool but now... It's looking tempting again........ Oh god.
Warning for a rant in the tags lol
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#delete later#im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting#for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping#how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant#and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc#to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it#i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly#idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially#good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse#and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out#how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them#im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them#theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting#ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH#im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy#im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT#i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont#deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice#especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train#station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair#to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT#im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is#even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about#field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back#id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of#oh we're not good enough huh#and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one#so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway#i just need to scream bc idk what else to do
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toastsnaffler · 3 months
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woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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I. Its gonna be a hard day.
#i cant do this im so stupid i want to die#hey lets go to the bridge#socially acceptable#diary#personal#the more absolutely exhausted i am the more i just. appear autisitic.#like. idk maybe its not that exactly. but. i sorta stim more. with a flat face. and stare off in space.#idk. im burnt out rn. so like. ill force myself to function but im not really.#i. honestly cannot feed myself. im just hoping i can get home easily today bc im not sure ill be able to even.#like. i may have to give up at some point and find somewhere to like. sit down for a bit.#yknow what happens when something goes wrong for me (like i miss a bus). i just sorta walk aimlessly.#bc internally its like but like. externally im very flat.#god im already just dreading everything i have to do when i get home today.#i have to shower. feed the bunny ...thats it really.#i probably wont bother feeding myself today. unless its grab n go via the fridge.#its too expensive to buy myself anything. i dont wanna bother.#god i feel like such a bother. whenever like this i get into the loop of thinking that i just. should push through everything. im faking#mn. im getting myself really worked up already. i really wanna walk around. its maybe calming? but when i do its aimless#and i cant stop when im distressed. bc i have to find a destination to stop and usually i think#mn. its not like i want to die or anything. i just need to curl up in a warm dark very quiet place. n listen to my music and slee0#i. think today will turn out very badly. haha. i hope i dont have a breakdown. probably will?#suicidal ideation#its too bad its socially unacceptable to lick out cups. i always do. whenever i make a latte at home i lick out the last bit to get it all.#mn. im always trying to be and mask. and honestly im so upset. so hopefully i still look okay at this cafe#well maybe ill get high when i get home today ...if i dont work tomorrow. fuck this is all burning me out.#ik i can do it. but its hard bc i need something to keep going. like. idk. all the horrible coping mechanisms i prevent myself from doing#are really what keep me from having a breakdown. tho i guess its just a moreso controlled breakdown. cuz i usually do anyways.#drugs tw#mn. i think ill just plan and prepare for the rheumatologist appointment next week. planning calms me. and i ran out of books to read#i dont feel like reading lately. too tired really. maybe i should email my therapist like ive been meaning to.
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orcelito · 1 year
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Tally's just a liiiiittle bit fed up with my clinginess today
Can't help it tho. She's my baby.
#speculation nation#and i spent an hour in a panic spiral over her and then 5 more hours compartmentalizing and Not Thinking About It#she's fine though. just got a little sick this morning but she seems to be feeling better.#probably just ate smth she wasnt supposed to. it happens.#but ykno. i hesitate to throw around the word 'trauma' willy-nilly. considering it has a lot of weight to it.#but i really do think ive got some trauma due to the cat deaths.#how else would i explain me having a whole panic spiral over tally just throwing up?#it almost makes me wonder whether i should bother with more cats after them. but i know i couldnt live without them.#ive spent all but 3 years of my entire life living with cats. i cant live without them.#but after some untimely ends i am just... so fucking afraid.#tally's about 3 years old now. she should have plenty of life left to live.#but cassy wasnt even 2 years old. and look how that turned out.#i got young cats purposefully bc i didnt want to have to say goodbye to them for a While. and then i had to anyways.#and im always so fucking anxious that im going to have to again. constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop#so when Anything happens i end up a total mess no matter how minor it is...#im sick of it. im so sick of the uncertainty. sick of being scared ill wake up one day to another cat dying.#and theres not really any way to make it better. days and weeks and months and hopefully years#just spent waiting for the other shoe to drop.#i just hope it wont come for a while still. so i can have at least a few years of peace.#animal death ment/#negative/#sorry for the vent etc etc im just. i wish i could bundle them up and keep them in my life forever.#but it doesnt work that way unfortunately. lifetime disparity really is so awful.
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be-good-to-bugs · 2 years
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:D
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requiemsystem · 8 months
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ADVICE FOR NEWLY DISCOVERED OR SUSPECTED SYSTEMS
if you suspect you may be a system or have recently discovered that youre a system, things can be confusing and hard. im making this post as someone who has been aware of being a system for about 5 years and has been diagnosed for 2. these are things i wish we knew and did. i hope it will be helpful to some of you and i wish you luck on discovering things about yourself and your system keep in mind everyone is different and systems are no exception, so what i list here might be incredibly beneficial for one person but do nothing for another. find what works for you. i will try to provide a variety of advice in order for you to see what fits you best DO YOUR RESEARCH research the disorder, try to find others experiences and things you think would help you. this is especially helpful if you are suspecting and not yet sure if you have it, researching symptoms and others experiences can be very helpful in determining START SYMPTOM LOGGING this can be as simple as "i blacked out today" or "i dont feel like myself right now", you dont have to be identifying switches or putting names to alters, theres no rush to be able to do that and some systems have no desire to do that symptom logging is useful because it can help you identify potential triggers and patterns in your symptoms. for example, if you can remember what happened before a period of amnesia and remember being exposed to a stressful event or something potentially triggering, this would be worth writing down to see if its a recurring pattern REACH OUT TO OTHER ALTERS this can be done in a variety of ways, but the easiest way would be to leave a note in a place itll be seen. for example, a sticky note on a mirror (if you live with other people and cant do this, try leaving a note on your phone in a frequently checked app) i would advise saying something along the lines of "hello, i am (name) and i would like to communicate with you. i suspect we have a disorder called (DID/OSDD) and we share the same body and mind. please write back to me in (location, can be a notebook or app etc) and tell me some about yourself if you feel comfortable" but you can say whatever works for you. i just think the main points to cover are having DID/OSDD and introducing yourself as well as asking for an introduction in return START WORKING ON COMMUNICATION this takes a lot of practice, so i always say its better to build up early rather than late. we have a whole post on it that can be found here REMINDERS AND THINGS TO REMEMBER if you do not remember your trauma, do not dig for it. it isnt safe to try to remember trauma without professionals help. if you happen to remember, thats one thing, but dont intentionally seek out triggers to try to remember denial is common and not a sign of faking, if you were faking you would know and would not be in denial. being wrong about having DID/OSDD (if you are suspecting but not sure) is not the same as faking no two systems are the same. you dont have to look exactly like some other system you know or online to be real its normal to not know everything right away. you wont know all your alters immediately, you may not be able to access (and you may not have) your innerworld, you probably wont remember all of your trauma without professionals help, etc. its all normal its totally ok to keep information about your system private. there is no need to share with anyone you do not feel completely safe and comfortable with switching at any frequency is normal, there is no "correct" amount to switch. any amount of alters is normal, there is no "correct" amount of alters. any level of amnesia is normal, there is no "correct" level of amnesia apps like simply plural and bots like pluralkit can be incredibly helpful for some systems, but there is absolutely no pressure to use them if you do not feel comfortable - grey
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noellefan101 · 7 months
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Too Scared to Let Go(To Lose You)
Characters; Lynette, Navia, Xiao, Scaramouche, Lyney, Kaeya, La Signora x gn Reader
Summary; they wont let go of you, no matter what. They can't protect you from harm when they aren't there, so they hold you close to ensure you're there. they've already lost so much.
Warnings; angst, maybe a little bit yandere,
Notes; i did the obvious like xiao, scara, signora and stuff but if i make a part two ill maybe put someone like barbara or nilou in, but that would just be them having intrusive thoughts... probably. will add diluc and venti there as well dont worry, love you
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Lynette
She always thinks that you're going to die at some point, get kidnapped or just straight up leave, these thoughts come up once every week or so. But when your out and about or just working late, her thoughts run faster than ever. Of course she has lyney and the rest of the house, but she's just gotten so used to being with both lyney and you now that it doesnt quite feel the same. So her solution is often to hug you as tight as she can when sleeping, hoping you wont disappear in the morning.
And of course you try and help her as much as you possibly can, reassuring her that you wont leave and that youll find a way to get back to her no matter what happens when out and about, but that sometimes just doesnt cut it.
She doesnt cry often, but when she does its a lot, tears streaming down her face for an hour or two, and even longer if you, Lyney and Freminet aren't there with her.
Navia
She cant let go of you in the morning, it was always like that, but it had gotten so much worse after the loss of her two beloved bodyguards. She often mumbles in her sleep about you and how she wants you to stay. Something along the lines of:
“no… no, don’t go, stay… please!! Just stay with me!”
“please stay… stay with me… where did you go… no, come back, please…”’
“[name]… please stay with me… please… just stay…”
You have to wake her up when it seems like she’s panicking and try your best to comfort her, but sometimes she just doesn’t get any sleep because she wants to make sure you don’t disappear while she is asleep. She is of course the same shining Navia when around other people like the Traveler and Paimon, but everyone can see that she doesn’t want to let go of you at all, fearing you’ll vanish if you leave her line of sight for even just a second, its like you’re glued to her.
If people ever see you, they know for a fact that Navia is also there, no matter what. Oh, you want to go over and wish your friend a happy birthday, well she can carry a gift for them with her so you don’t have to. You wanted to cook something but is missing one singular ingredient, you can you go get it together, don’t worry she isn’t putting back anything for it (she totally is, and has multiple offers and such she should be taking a look at rn).
Xiao
He says he shouldn’t be near you all the time, but doesn’t let go when you make him give in to his desires. He’ll hurt you, and you know that, so why are you still here with him. Wait, no, he isn’t trying to make you go away, please don’t, ever. He just cares about you enough to not want you getting hurt because of his karmic debt, he loves you too much to let that happen. But the thought of you leaving him fills his mind more than the karmic debt at times, he dreads it, the fact that you’ll leave eventually, he doesn’t care if its by choice or fate, just don’t. please, please, please don’t leave, just stay with him, please.
He doesn’t want to let go, but feels he needs to, you tell him its fine yet he feels like it isn’t. it feels like he’s hurting you every second of being with you, yet he doesn’t try to let go, he doesn’t even give the thought a chance. you say you’re fine, yet he feels like you’re not. He
feels like hes hurting you, he’s hurting more because of it. But then why does it hurt more without you, why, oh why. What have you done to him, just what did you do that made him so addicted to you. Swear you’ll never leave him ever, and he will do the same, as long as you’re here with him he swears he wont hurt you, he’ll break the karma in half for you, he’ll do anything. Just don’t leave him, please don’t.
Scaramouche
Everyone would say he’s too cocky, confident, and mean. But that’s all because he doesn’t let them see the vulnerable side of him, the leftovers of Kunikusuhi, the side he only shows to you. He shows you they way he cries at the mere thought you could leave him one day, he sobs in your chest as you comfort him and let him focus and anything but the nightmares haunting his being. He wont ever be like that with anyone that isn’t you, he doesn’t give a shit about them they can do whatever, but you have to stay.
He doesn’t care about all the others as long as you don’t leave him too, he doesn’t care about anything other than you. So please, please don’t leave him, ever, he would watch the world burn over and over again as long as he has you.
If you ever told anyone that the 6th harbinger, scaramouche, cries at night just because you left to go get a glass of water, they would call you crazy, say he’s never cried in his life that you must have seen things. But you know its true, and he does too, even if he doesn’t like to admit it. He knows you wont go, you always say you wont, but he just cant let himself to believe you, not when he’s been lied to so many times. He worries too much about you and he knows that, but how could he not, he loves you, and will never let you leave him because you love him too, right?
Lyney
Although he may be the confident, charming and romantic magician Lyney everyday in public, when he finally lets go of the role at home he’s nowhere near that. He cries just because he wanted to see you and he finally did, he worries about not being able to save you someday. He’s a worrywart to say the least
If you were gone for too long, whether on a mission from father or anything else really, he would not be calm at all until you come back. he would only be rather calm after he got a letter from you or in one of his shows where he put too many layers of masks on to hide it. he wants to think that your ok, just as Lynette say you are, you're strong. but he still cant help but worry,and he ends up panicked and stressed, without sleep, too tired to think sbout anything else other than you. dont leave him, he wouldnt survive without you.
That's why you cant leave him. hell lose his mind, and destroy everything around him in the process. he cant let you leave, so please, please don't. his heart is already fragile, it beats only for you now, so don't leave. don't leave. don't... please... please don't, he cant handle that. so, please, don't leave him, ever. stay right here with him, forever.
Kaeya
He doesnt remember his birth parents, he hates them but a little bit, but mostly because they left him, he cant handle thinking about them. and it only made his pain worse when he lost the people he called his family once again, so he cant afford to lose anything else, not when he feels completely at home once again. you are his home now, his family, and his joy. so don't leave or he might lose his mind and start ruining himself from the inside and out.
He loves you, a lot, you're his reason to continue in life. so if he ever sees you leave he would cry, even if all you are doing is leaving his office after giving him his lunch, he would shed a tear at the sight. his heart is fragile ok? He can't bear to lose his life once again, not after his parents left, not after his adoptive family left too.
Don't go, stay, stay right here with him and everything will be fine. i will all be fine, you trust him after all, and he won't let anyone touch you, let alone hurt you. you're safe here with him, don't worry about them, worry about him. you've got him wrapped around your finger without even knowing, you could want a certain sweet from Inazuma and he'll get it as fast as possible. you can get anything you want, ok? The only condition is that you stay right here with him, and only him.
La Signora
She swore she wasn’t going to fall for anyone after her first lover died, so why did she fall for you, how did she fall for you. Honestly you don’t know and she doesn’t either, she doesn’t know how you were able to melt her ice cold heart back to normal, even if only around you and you only, if anyone else is around it freezes back quicker than lightning can strike. She thought she wasn’t able to love again after he died, but you proved her wrong, so you can’t leave too. She cant deal with the death of her lover once again, so don’t leave her, ever.
You hug her in the night as she cries a little, mad at you for leaving her in her dream, but still not mad at you, as her anger is mostly to the world for doing this to her. But don’t worry, she’ll fall asleep eventually as she always does, she does need her beauty sleep after all. But that doesn’t mean she’ll wake up and easily let go again or just get out of bed, she’s stubborn and want you all for herself a little longer. She makes you talk a little as you carefully brush her hair like she taught you to do, and she relaxes a bit when you tell her you love her while kissing her head.
As long as you promise you wont leave her, and keep that promise, she’ll love you forever, she cant bare to see you go out the door even if its just for groceries, someone else can do that don’t worry. Just come and relax with her in a bath, she can wash your hair and you can wash hers. She’ll take care of you like you take care of her, just don’t leave, please. If you ever left her alone for too long she would freak out, she does everything with you, baths, shopping, paperwork even, so she cant bear to be left alone for longer than 30 minutes or she’ll panic. So don’t leave her please, please, please don’t, she’ll even beg for you to not leave her, just stay here with her.
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Thank u for reading this, i know this took a long time and I havent posted things these few like weeks I think but I may have writers block(idk why I say it like that) and this was made over like a few months actually heh, luv ya
You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts
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