#proof you just want to look oppressed

[sapphicdessi]

At least I have a study to back up what I’m saying. If you look at the numbers even accounting for trans wouldn’t flip it to bisexuals dating mostly the opposite sex it still remains close to 50/50.

Now go ahead and show me a study that states bisexuals are mostly with the opposite sex that isn’t a decade old with a tiny sample size. Lbr we all know you won’t because you can’t. Science denying dumbass continues to be accurate.

you're mad about the stats from what 2016 or so that say bis are 80 percent with the opposite sex and this is from 2019 lmao. your european stat? your SOURCE is from homophobic queerio liberal tras who think trans women are women and that NB is a thing. how desperately stupid are you? radfem bis and tra bis are both homophobic clowns. you're all liars. looks like the science denying idiot is you. I can grab any snip of it and show you what utter garbage this "stat" is, did you even read it troon lover?

[voguewoozi]

can gabe saporta just stop talking please

[mixtape-timeout]

This is the last post I will be making on this topic. Since gimmeurtmi is back and posting again, here is yet another reminder for you that she is a Zionist. She is trying to spin the story and claim that people are witch-hunting her for being Israeli, which is just another excuse to deflect from her disgraceful behavior. Since she wants to say that we are spreading misinformation, please look at the screenshots in the link. These are screenshots of posts SHE made herself. Not my words, just hers. Read her posts without any of my commentary, and come to your own conclusions about her beliefs. Her posts speak for themselves.

((More below))

She can say she's Pro-Palestine all she wants, but her actions do not reflect that. I can't prove if she is attending peace rallies like she says she is, but what we do know is that the things she says and does are in direct contradiction of this. Please look at the tags of the original callout post and see the sheer number of bloggers (including other authors) she had blocked for being Pro-Palestine. She claims she blocked people for being Anti-Semitic, but what she perceives as "Anti-Semitic" is anything Anti-Zionist. The testimonies from people who used to follow her and used to be very close friends with her all say she is a very manipulative person who always makes herself the victim. She has repeatedly made Zionist posts, deleted them, pretended to change her views, post "Pro-Palestine" things, then go back and show her true colors once the accusations blow over. She had reblogged fundraisers for Rafah weeks ago on her blog @stuckonspidey after being called out that are now nowhere to be found. She is a liar and a manipulator who has repeatedly said things that contradict her actions just to save face.

If she's Pro-Palestine, why does she make posts sympathizing with the IDF? Why does she support the occupational force that kills Palestinians for fun, undresses hostages to humiliate them (including CHILDREN), beats hostages to death with hammers in their captivity, disguises themselves as HUMANITARIAN AID to kill hundreds of refugees, takes pictures with hostages/dead bodies and posts them on social media, steals Palestinian women's underwear and takes pictures with it after killing them/ransacking their houses, targets journalists and humanitarian aid workers, straps injured Palestinians to their trucks and uses them as human shields? This is the army that fired 355 bullets at the car that 6 year old Hind Raghab was in while she was surrounded by her dead family members, KNOWING she was in there. They are a depraved, violent occupational force that kills and tortures civilians, and one of the most basic pillars of being Pro-Palestine is opposing the IDF. You cannot be Pro-Palestine and have sympathy for the army that is killing and oppressing them. You cannot say you stand for Palestinian liberation and peace, yet mourn for their oppressors when the resistance fights back. There is proof all over the internet of the IDF's war crimes because they post it themselves. Here are a few links if you don't believe me. LINK LINK LINK LINK. Please research it yourself, too. You'll find no shortage of it.

If she is Pro-Palestine, why does she refuse to acknowledge it as a genocide? Why does she call it a "war"? Why does she call the International Court of Justice's decision to take Israel to court for its war crimes "questionable"? If she believes what Israel is doing is wrong, why would she criticize it being held accountable for its crimes against humanity? If she is Pro-Palestine, why would she call an Israeli propaganda movie that paints Arabs as barbaric savages her all time favorite and complain that it's getting RIGHTFULLY negative reviews for its blatant racism, glorification of war criminal Golda Mier, and historical misinformation? Her excuse was that "she posted about a movie because she likes movies." That is an absolutely pitiful reason and being deliberately obtuse to distract from the actual issue. When you say it like that, of course it sounds harmless, but the CONTENT of the movie matters. For example: Would you call "The Birth of A Nation", a disgustingly racist white supremacy propaganda movie your favorite? Absolutely NOT. And if you did, people would rightfully question you for that. If she's Pro-Palestine, why didn't she boycott LMB when there are two Zionists on it? One of which (Johnny Goldstein) is a former IDF soldier and attends Pro-Israel events? If she's Pro-Palestine, why would she use the well-known Zionist talking points, conflating Judaism with Zionism, and saying that when people say "Zionist" they really mean "Jew"? If She's Pro-Palestine, why would she have such an issue with Stays trying to inform Felix about the Coca-Cola boycott and say they are bullies? Do you notice a pattern here? Her labeling ANY attempts at calling out Zionism to be "bullying" or "Anti-Semitic"? This is the exact rhetoric Zionists use. Once again, she can say she's Pro-Palestine, she might even actually believe that she is, but her behavior does not reflect this. Saying "My posts aren't Anti-Palestinian because I'm not Anti-Palestinian" proves absolutely nothing. Someone who can't even call the genocide a genocide is not an ally to Palestine.

She continues to hide behind "Anti-Semitism" despite me and many of my friends who called her out being Jews or of Jewish ancestry ourselves. If you look through my blog, you will see a majority of my posts are dedicated to dismantling the idea that Jews = Zionists. I have worked so hard in my community to do this in real life, and it's incredibly frustrating to see her perpetuating this harmful stereotype when us Anti-Zionist Jews are doing everything we can to separate Judaism from Zionism. She is also saying we are racist against Israelis, which is an absolutely ludicrous claim. Israeli is not a race, just like American isn't a race. Israeli is a Nationality. 75% of Jewish people are Ashkenazim, meaning European/White, and about 50% of Israelis are White. Nationality =/= Race. Her claims of racism are, again, her using terms of discrimination to distract from her blatantly Zionist posts.

Furthermore the claim that we are attacking her simply for being Israeli is not only wrong, it makes no sense. I was not aware that she was Israeli before suspecting her of being a Zionist. A huge chunk of Zionists are actually Western Christians who support Israel for Anti-Semitic reasons, and I would NEVER sabotage a fellow Jew for their identity. I went out of my way to emphasize this in the first post. Gimmeurtmi was called out for Zionism that me and several other people in the community recognized, point blank period. We are not "painting her in a specific light", we are bringing attention to harmful, dangerous things SHE said. If I presented her posts to you without commentary, even in context, you could come to the same conclusion. The original callout post was edited many times with many additions as new screenshots/information came forward, and it was through the comments from other people talking about their experience with her that we found out that she was Israeli and had made those Anti-Palestinian posts on October 7th (which she deleted). It was her thinly-veiled Zionism that originally raised our suspicions, the knowledge that she's Israeli came after.

I know gimmeurtmi will continue to see herself as a victim no matter what. I know she will keep pretending she's being attacked for her identity just as all Zionists do. This post is just to disprove her accusations that we called her out on the basis of "racism", when the callout for her was a result of HER racism herself. I never had any problem with gimmeurtmi before she blocked me, I enjoyed her fics and looked up to her, as many others in the community did. She gave me no reason to dislike her before this. The only reason my friends and I put that post together was because we felt it was imperative that someone like her, who uses her SKZ blog to normalize Zionist ideology amidst a genocide, gets de-platformed. I cannot tell you what to believe, but I urge you to be careful and understand what a manipulative person she is. I urge you to read the screenshots of her posts for yourself and come to your own conclusion.

[cree-n-jewish-thoughts]

Prohammassholes:

1. Jews are indigenous to the area (just deal with it, maybe crack open a history book, or something educational, not memes)

2. I don't care about your white people issues

3. I am an indigenous Canadian. My family went through so much pain because of your stupid colonizer ancestors.

3. Both sides of my family are victims of horrendous things, genocide, torture, putting people on a rock and expecting them to be okay, while white people and non-aboriginal people can have beautiful land.

4. Residential Schools were a horrible truth.

5. The average age of you is about 20. Think about that. You complained you didn't get a proper education. Well, you sure proved it.

6. Palistine peoples are going through horrendous things FROM THEIR OWN GOVERNMENT daily. This includes torture of children. Kids who defied one order strapped to a wooden post and whipped with electrical cables. They need to be liberated from their oppressive government. A government that brainwashed the entire country to hate Jews. A country teaching their children marytism is the only way to get into heaven. There is fucking proof of this.

7. You don't care about the palestinian-people, you're just an antisemitic hive-mind because none of you can critically think or debate

8. I remember when debates on tumblr took days to result in personal insults

9. You are screaming over the people who are ACTUALLY needing to be heard.

10. This war, this terroist organization is a senseless loss of life.

11. The UN and hamas have admitted "quietly" to lying and exaggerating the civilan count

12. This war has the lowest civilian casualties of any war in modern history. Don't believe me, look it up. USvs. Afghanistan is DISGUSTING

13. Jihad soldiers attack in plain clothes, they are often counted as "inoccent civilians" when they just killed a bunch of innocent civilians

14. Hamas stated many times he will not stop until the Country of Israel is destroyed and every Jew is dead.

15. Antisemitism and antizionism its the same. I love how you won't listen to us but you can make up words and use it as a scapegoat for you to be as antisemitic as you want.

16. Hamas is starving his own people. He was given billions for infrastructure and did not build any bomb shelters? If Israel is killing so many people, why wouldn't you build power plants, food, water, and bomb shelters? Why does Israel provide you with your resources when you constantly attack them? Because they'd rather help the citizens more than hamas wants to.

Are you blind, deaf, and clueless? THINK! GO READ SOME PEER REVIEWED INFO YOU SAD PEOPLE

Now tell me you aren't filled with antisemitism and hate.

[theriverbeyond]

how do we know in the books that john is indigenous? can you say more about how his indigeneity is important to his story?

hello! so there is a word of god post on race (doesn't mention John but mentions that Gideon is "mixed Maori"), BUT I frankly don't think word of god statements are worth any weight without actual in-text support (see: the "dumbledore is gay" situation). SO!

Specific evidence that John Gaius is Maori, as revealed in Nona the Ninth:

When he is listing his education, John mentions having gone to Dilworth School (John 20:8). Dilworth is an all boys boarding school in Auckland and accepts students based on financial need instead of academic or sporting achievements. Demographics appear to be about 70% low income Maori boys, indicating that it is highly likely that John is Maori

John reports that P- said he looked like a "Maori-TV pink panther" (John 15:23) when his eyes turned gold. Maori TV is a TV station that is focused primarily on Maori culture & language revitalization, with presumably all or mostly Maori hosts, and tbh I don't see why P- would say this unless John was himself Maori

John uses a te reo Māori phrase ("kia kaha, kia māia") (John 5:20) when he is saying goodbye to the corpses in the cryo lab before the power is shut off. Though it is possible he said this as a non-Maori kiwi, but in combination with the previous two points of evidence I think this all very strongly points to him being Maori

He also renames his daughter Kiriona Gaia, "Kiriona" being just literally the name "Gideon" in te reo Māori

TLT is not a series that hands you anything on a silver platter but to ME this is all pretty solid proof

Why is this relevant to The Locked Tomb?

In Nona the Ninth, we learn that before he completed apotheosis and ate the solar system, John was basically trying to save the earth from capitalism-caused climate change. Climate justice and the rights of indigenous people over their own land are deeply tied together, in the same way that climate catastrophe and capitalism/ imperialism/ colonialism are linked. disclaimer that this is NOT my area of study and others have definitely said it better; this is just the basic gist as I understand it, but on quick search I found some sources here and here if you want to do some reading.

TLT is not a series that hands you anything on a silver platter, but i don't think it is a stretch to see John as an indigenous man trying to save the earth and getting ignored and shut down at every turn by primarily western colonial powers (PanEuro, the USA) who declare him a terrorist and then as a reader thematically connecting that to the experience of indigenous climate activists IRL

there are absolutely TLT meta posts that have discussed this before me; tumblr search is nonfunctional and I have been looking for an hour and a half and cannot find anything specific even though i KNOW i reblogged multiple posts about this in the first few weeks following NTN's release. sad & I am sorry

I think that by the time the books take place, John is 10k years removed from the cultural context he grew up in, with the Nine Houses having become a genocidal colonial power in their own right (with more parallels to be made between John's forever war for the resources of literal life energy and like, oil wars), but I also think that John Gaius is a fictional character who can represent and symbolize multiple different things in service of telling a story. (not to mention the potential thematic parallels being made to how oppressed people sometimes are pressed into replicating the power dynamics of their oppressors and continuing the cycle--now that is a tumblr post i KNOW i read last year and definitely cannot find right now, once again sad & I am sorry)

How Radical Was John Gaius, Really is a forum thread that was locked by the moderators after 234534645674564 pages of heated debate

[sunnyskies281]

As a cult survivor I have a lot of thoughts about Nahyuta.

Disclaimer: The cult I was in was not that bad in the grand scheme of things. I’m not fully through Spirit of Justice, but there will be some spoilers.

People say Nahyuta is boring but as someone who’s been in a cult I have to say that’s the furthest from the truth if you just take a moment and look at who he is and how he acts.

Khurainism is a religion. The Ga’ran regime is a cult.

Nahyuta used to be part of the Defiant Dragons. He used to be passionately fighting against the oppressive regime in Khura’in, but then something changed.

He was basically brainwashed by this cult into believing that everyone else is a lowly half-wit or the like that’s destined to rot in hell for eternity when they die, even his own family. Something cults do sometimes is try to turn you against the world, make you not trust it and see every opposition as further proof you are in the right. In this instance, it’s even gotten so far as to say that any insult against Nahyuta, the Ga’ran regime, the justice system, or anything like that is heresy against Khurainism. He’s been isolated from everyone, including his family. He refuses to acknowledge his relation to Apollo. He turned against his own father despite previously also being a rebel. He’s an absolute cunt to everyone and everything that opposes him. But it’s not his fault he’s like this, he was conditioned to be this way by a religious cult that wants total control over everything.

I want to talk to him. I want to tell him that there’s more out there than what’s in his little bubble. I want to help him realize he can ask for help. I want him to think about his relationship with the Holy Mother, and if his current way of doing things is truly what she would have wanted. I want him to know that his religion is being used against him to make him be someone other than who he really is. I want him to know that when he decides to leave, that there are people out there who love him and will accept him with open arms. I want him to figure out who he is outside of the cult of Ga’ran. I want to give him a hug.

Nahyuta isn’t boring. He’s just being brainwashed by a cult.

[hsyki]

The Storm Between Us – L.HS

SYNOPSIS: heeseung was on the table getting wasted in front of you, drinking shots after shots. you were starting to wonder whether he was getting drunk to avoid you or just wanted to get drunk so he doesn’t have to be with you sober. you’ve sweethearts for years but you never thought the relationship could get this dry. this has been going on for over a month and you’re starting to overthink…does he still love you?…

PAIRINGS: fem!reader x boyfriend!heeseung

GENRE: romance, drama, collage, angst au

WARNING(s): swearing, alcohol, shouting and maybe a bit violent or upfront

WC: 1,1k

AUTHOR’S NOTE: this is my very first au and it is not proof read nor planned beforehand, it was just a quick scenario I wanted to write because of an edit I saw of heeseung and got inspired to write this. I was also inspired to write because of @jaylver (their writing is so amazing). I hope you enjoy and please let me know if there’s anything I can improve. please leave your opinions, comments or recommendations as well (⁎⁍̴̛ᴗ⁍̴̛⁎)

thank you for reading and please enjoyy~~~

Heeseung had been distant for weeks, and you could feel the space between you growing wider by the day. Late-night texts that once flowed freely had dwindled to short, clipped responses. The warmth in his voice during your calls had chilled, replaced by a coldness that made your heart ache. He was pulling away, and no matter how hard you tried to reach him, he was slipping through your fingers like sand.

The arguments had started small—disagreements over trivial things that escalated into something much bigger. The frustration in his eyes whenever you tried to talk about your relationship had become a familiar sight, and his patience with you seemed to run thinner each day. You could feel him putting up walls, closing off parts of himself that you once had access to.

It all came to a head one night when you finally gathered the courage to confront him. You needed to know where you stood, whether he still wanted to be with you or if he was already halfway out the door.

The tension in the air was thick as you sat across from him. He’s drunk a few shots of alcohol already, making him a but tipsy, but still conscious enough to stay somewhat sober. The weather was already stormy and heavy out, let alone being so dark and late at night. Your hands trembling slightly as you spoke.

“Heeseung, I can’t keep pretending everything is okay. I need to know if you still want this… if you still want us.”

Heeseung avoided your gaze, his eyes fixed on the empty glass in front of him. The silence between you stretched on, heavy and oppressive. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, almost distant.

“I don’t know, okay? I just… I don’t know.”

The uncertainty in his words stung more than you expected. You’d prepared yourself for the possibility that he didn’t love you anymore, but hearing it—hearing the doubt in his voice—felt like a knife twisting in your chest.

“After everything we’ve been through, how can you not know?” you demanded, your voice wavering with emotion. “I’ve given you everything, Heeseung. I’ve loved you with everything I have. How can you stand there and tell me you don’t know if you want this anymore?”

Heeseung finally looked up at you, and the pain in his eyes mirrored your own. But instead of reaching out, instead of closing the gap between you, he shook his head.

“Maybe… maybe that’s the problem,” he said softly. “Maybe we’re just not right for each other. Maybe we’ve been forcing something that was never meant to be.”

His words felt like a punch to the gut. The ground beneath you seemed to shift, as if everything you thought was solid was crumbling away. You wanted to scream, to cry, to make him see how much he meant to you, but the exhaustion in his expression held you back. He looked like he’d already given up, like he’d already made his decision, and that realization shattered something inside you.

For a moment, you sat there in stunned silence, the weight of his words pressing down on you. When you finally spoke, your voice was barely above a whisper.

“So, what now? Are we just… done?”

Heeseung’s jaw clenched, and he looked away again, unable to meet your eyes. “Maybe we should take some time apart. Maybe we need to figure out who we are without each other.”

You felt your heart drop at his suggestion, the finality of it hitting you like a ton of bricks. But before you could respond, he stood up abruptly, knocking over the glass on the table. The alcohol spilled out, spreading across the surface like the mess your relationship had become.

“Fuck this,” he muttered, more to himself than to you. Heeseung slams his hands on the table, sending the shots of alcohol spilling over the edge. He stands up abruptly, trying to regain his composure. He looked at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger and sadness.

“We’re not for each other, and you know it.”His voice is rough with anger, but beneath it, you can hear the pain. You’ve known him long enough to catch the tremor in his words, the way his hurt bleeds through his fury.

He storms toward the door, yanking it open. You knew in this moment that you both were too vulnerable to fix this, neither were you both in the place to think clearly. You took no chance but to chase after him. Whether there was a solution or not, you didn’t want to give up on him, knowing deep down he’s bad for you and it would be better to let go.

You stormed off with him, watching as the rain soaks through his clothes, drenching his figure in the downpour.

“Heeseung, stop!”

“Stay inside!” he shouts back, not bothering to turn around. His fists are clenched, his jaw tight.

“Why can’t you love me the way I love you, even if it’s just for one second?”

Your voice cracks, your heart heavy as the storm above.

Heeseung slows to a stop, turning on his heels to face you. The dim streetlight casts a glow over him, illuminating the rain-soaked fabric of his white shirt, clinging to his body.

“How am I supposed to give you something I don’t feel?”

His face twists with grief, but you can’t believe it. You refuse to believe it.

“You’ve felt it before—you can feel it again. Just this once… please…”

“Maybe you’re numb. Maybe you just imagined it. I never loved you,”

he says, his tone cutting like a blade. The coldness in his voice slices through you, making you ache for him even more.

“You have…”

The two of you stand in silence, the rain and thunder filling the void between you. You watch as droplets slide down his lips, his eyes finally meeting yours.

“That couldn’t have been me,” he says, his voice icy. “I never loved you… and I never will.” He turns away again, heading back into the storm.

Desperation drives you forward. You can’t let it end like this—not when your love for him is so strong, even if it feels like you’re falling apart inside. You grab his wrist and pull him back, crashing your lips into his before he can react. Your hands tangle in his wet hair as you kiss him, tasting the rain and the salt of your tears. Heeseung hesitates for just a moment before he’s kissing you back, his arms wrapping around you, holding you tight. He’s breathless, as hungry for you as you are for him. The kiss is long and fierce, a battle of need and desperation. In this moment, you both need each other more than anything else.

© hsyki 2024 reserved post.

[theelastword]

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

So I’ve been seeing a lot of people talk about how big of a mistake Aziraphale made in the finale and how badly they feel for Crowley (instead of feeling bad for BOTH of them). And honestly? I don’t understand the perspective that Crowley getting his heart broken in episode 6 has to mean that Aziraphale was totally naive and wrong and that it’ll take Crowley a lot of time to forgive him, or that Aziraphale’s ending in season 2 wasn’t just as heartbreaking as Crowley’s.

Think about everything we know about Aziraphale, who has never once been power-hungry and— following season 1— no longer cares what Heaven thinks (he even told the Metratron that he didn’t want to go back to Heaven when first approached). Aziraphale only left because he sees angels like Muriel, who definitively have good in them despite everything, or even Gabriel who somehow figured out how to fall in love and find something that mattered more to him than the supposed ‘morality’ of Heaven. Aziraphale sees that spark, that potential of Heaven to be turned into what it should have always been, and he thinks that he can do it because he’s seen proof of angels who can get away from Heaven’s influence, a list that includes himself.

Not to mention THAT look he gave Metatron after he brought up the Second Coming, a look that (at least from where I’m sitting) was a definite steeling of nerves and his own way of saying “Okay, time to take this thing down from the inside”. He was NOT saying that Crowley should reform himself for Heaven, or even that they should go back because he missed Heaven. He was asking Crowley to go with him because he loves him and wants him by his side— and because he knows that Crowley has experience in being there for angels who slowly deviate from Heaven.

Aziraphale wants what he’s always wanted— to keep helping everyone he possibly can, without stopping to do what he really wants and just stay in his beloved bookshop with the love of his life. Because he never prioritizes what it is he wants when he could be helping others instead. That’s just who he is, which is what makes him so selfless and wonderful but also so sad in that he never just…lets himself be happy. And the Crowley that we all know would never hate or have lingering fury toward him for that. What Aziraphale is doing, although heartbreaking to people like me who just want the Husbands to have their little cottage in the South Downs, is actually really brave, AND just as worthy of the sympathy and heartbreak that many fans are feeling for Crowley.

EDIT: Also, as sad/problematic it may be to abandon your life and partner, it’s just as problematic to turn a blind eye to the oppression and injustice of Heaven that, by all means, you have the ability and voice to try to do something about in pursuit of prioritizing what you want. So if we’re going to be mad at Aziraphale, we have to be mad at Crowley, too (and I’ll be disappointed if hypothetical-season-3 paints the narrative that Aziraphale is the only one in the wrong here). Personally, I’m all for not being mad at anybody. I completely understand both of their choices, and I just want them to reconcile and be compassionate to what the other is going through.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#7: How'd I Get So Lucky Finding You (S9E01)

Imagine feeling lucky in a fallen world. 🥹 Losing so much and still feeling like you won because you found the ultimate love of your life. 😭 It’s beautiful and powerful that Richonne’s love is so strong that it has them feeling fortunate even after enduring a series of unfortunate events. And in this stunning scene, we get to see so much of why Rick and Michonne have an everlasting love. This scene is an absolutely heartwarming delight and it features my favorite thing Rick has ever said to Michonne in TWD 😍...

I will forever love the state of Richonne’s relationship in s9. They finally had time to breathe and be a family with Judith, and I loved every moment they got to relish in being together.

I always knew Rick and Michonne wouldn't be the type of couple who were only compatible in fight and survival mode - they're equally compatible in just living and being mode. 

So I appreciate that this scene takes its time to just be as the two cuddle up and showcase yet again why they work so perfectly with each other. They truly belong together and fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. 🥰

Also, I will always like that this scene of Richonne snuggled up in bed takes place in the Sanctuary of all places. Just more proof that nothing, not even the oppressive reign of Negan, was going to break Richonne because now Rick and Michonne are up in that batty man's crib fully immersed in their sweet Richonne bubble. 🤗

They just feel so married with Rick washing up and then getting in bed with Michonne as the two just instinctively get wrapped up in each other. And the way Rick kisses her forehead. 🥹 It’s always so clear that they feel the most safe to completely decompress and let their guard down with each other and are so precious to each other.

And I’m just giddy every time I hear Michonne adorably and playfully call Rick “the famous Rick Grimes” with that shoulder shimmy while resting on his chest. Perfection. 👌🏽

I love their teasing banter and how she’s addressing the way Rick's a legend to the people. As he should be. And Rick’s playful, "don’t you start too" response to hearing her say that is just great. 😊

It’s adorable that she plays with his beard while noting that the reverence people have for him is sweet. She gets it. She says, “just don’t let it get to your head” and Richonne tones for the win once again in this scene. 😍

And again the two bring up Maggie and how they feel for her since she has to deal with losing that Hilltop kid, which is particularly sad too because R&M lost their own teenage son just about a year and a half ago.

Rick and Michonne then have this moment where they both just take a synchronized deep breath and these two seriously always feel like one, especially in the way they breathe in this moment. 

I like how Rick seems tired as he closes his eyes, but then Michonne says his name, and he can always be awake and alert for her when they need to talk.

I really like too how Michonne and Rick both get honest about the fact that they wonder if they should have just killed Negan. To which I was like, yes...

But I appreciate that Michonne says "we" when talking about this choice because she and Rick are a package deal. Saving Negan without consulting the others was Rick’s most controversial move among tf, and it clearly had some tf members feeling understandably upset. But it’s nice that, by saying "we," Michonne doesn’t make Rick feel like he was alone in that choice.

Rick thinks the Saviors just want food, not Negan back in charge, and Michonne reminds him they don’t know that for sure, which is valid, and it’s great they can communicate like this.

And then I love that Michonne lets him know she’s been thinking about an agreement between the communities and that she maps out the idea with her hand over his heart. Their closeness really is unparalleled.

Also the way Rick is looking at his wife throughout this scene is um...it's gold and damn near made me lose my train of thought so let me get myself back on track lol.

I love that Rick affirms Michonne's idea, telling her it’s good and smart, and how he looks right at her while saying it could bring people closer together. And the way Michonne touches him. I love that they really don’t take their hands off each other for pretty much the entire scene. 😊

And then Rick opens up and lets her know what's on his mind as he shares that Daryl isn’t happy, and it makes him worried about things breaking down. Scenes like this are why I believe Michonne is not just Rick's wife but truly his best friend. They always can confide in each other and express everything going on inside - their hopes, ideas, worries, and fears.

It’s sweet that Michonne acknowledges the validity of what Daryl feels. And Rick groans a bit and says Daryl cares too much sometimes. I appreciate that Michonne can sense Rick's headspace so clearly here and doesn’t want a divide to be caused between those two brothers (even tho it ends up being a bit too late sadly).

The way Michonne whispers 'hey' and then gently turns Rick's face towards her, it’s like a visible illustration of how she centers him and reminds him to stay focused on the good and how to move things forward. And of course, Rick is receptive to this redirection as he looks into her eyes. Love it. 😊

Michonne acknowledges that if Daryl is worried then there’s a reason. And again, because R&M are a package deal, she asks, "What do we do about it?" knowing however they handle it, it will be together. 

And then, like a well-oiled machine, Rick says he thinks they need to fix that bridge, and Michonne says she'll get the people to agree to a charter. Look at these leaders making big community decisions all while snuggling in bed together. 🥰

So then it’s Rick’s turn to do some teasing when he asks if it’ll be a "charter or constitution?" Again, I love how lines like these show Rick and Michonne know each other's humor as Michonne amusedly confirms it'll be a charter. And it's just sweet too cuz, while they're playing around, I'm sure Rick fully believes Michonne would be capable of drafting up a whole effective constitution for the new world lol.

Their synchronized smiles at this moment are seriously the best. 🙌🏽And then Rick kissing her three times is even better. The way Michonne smiles at him. The way he always has to come back for more. I live.😍

And I just absolutely love getting to see Rick and Michonne in such a relaxed happy state. Scenes like this make it so clear why Rick and Michonne haven't moved on from each other after all those years apart. You don't move on from a love like this.

Richonne gives each other joy like no other and this whole exchange shows how they work so effortlessly together as leaders and lovers. What a pair. 🤩 As Andy said, they truly are perfect partners in this imperfect world.

Plus it’s just always so sweet that two of the strongest, fiercest, most intimidating warriors in the world find each other so cute and cuddly. 😋

Y'all, Richonne + cars is a thing, and also Richonne + candle-lit scenes too, because they are always A1.

...But then the candles get blown out, and this scene proceeds to reach its peak of perfection. 🤩

As someone who loves a lengthy Richonne scene, I remember first watching this ep live and being so happy that they weren’t cutting away from them once the lights went out. I had no idea it was because we were in for something so heavenly. 😇

Cuz they turn off the lights and then immediately wrap their arms around each other again to go to sleep and it’s always so sweet seeing Rick softly touch her hair. All the little gestures just feel like this person in their arms is their treasure who has their whole heart. #ILoveEveryRichonneDetail

Then....y'all then Rick opens his eyes to utter the greatest thing he's ever said to Michonne thus far - “How’d I get so lucky finding you?”

BEAUTIFUL. Powerful, meaningful, romantic, fitting, perfect. I could go on. 👩🏽‍🍳💋

I love the delivery of the line because it really feels like it’s this reoccurring thought for Rick that, at this moment, his mind was thinking and just had to utter out loud.

It's fitting he’d say this after the convo they just had because it really did capture why Michonne is so perfect for him, and I love that he knows it and vocalizes it. Michonne is a genuinely phenomenal individual, so it makes perfect sense that Rick feels not just happy but lucky to have her.

And just to think about their journey and know that we’d arrive at a point where Rick reflects on when he met Michonne and feels so personally lucky to have found her. 😭 She’s his soulmate, and he knows it wholeheartedly. 

And I love that beyond literally finding each other, there’s something deep about the way Rick and Michonne found each other in their truest form. They saw each other in a deeper way and brought each other back from the lost state they were in. 

Also, I always think it’s sweet how Rick said this with zero other motives - this was just his abundant love for her pouring out. I’m so grateful that in Rick's final season, they didn’t give him and Michonne any tiffs or division, but rather showed that they have only grown closer and more in love since the last season. 

Like after one of the series' longest time jumps, I adore that we return to a Rick and Michonne who have clearly spent the last year and a half strengthening their bond even more, and healing, and fully enjoying their life together. They are really and truly an unbreakable unit who only fall more in love the more time they spend together.

When I think about all Rick and Michonne have been through together and all they’ve built, it’s just the absolute greatest thing to know Rick thinks about his life and feels so sincerely lucky that he found Michonne. We knew that the day they found each other at the prison fence was life-changing, and it's great to see them two know it too.

If you were to tell Season One Rick that he was going to eventually lose his son, Carl, but would still have family that made him feel like a lucky man, he'd probably think you were crazy. And yet, this is the power of Richonne. The family found between Rick and Michonne runs so deep and is so authentic that, even after the most painful loss imaginable, Rick knows he still has so much to live for because he has Michonne and Judith.

Then it’s so sweet that Michonne hears Rick say this heart-bursting line and takes his hand because she feels the same way, and is likely thinking that's the...

#DirectQuoteFromHerMind you already know. 😋

And then Michonne softly tells Rick, "We both lost enough, it’s time we won a little don’t you think?" My heart. 😭 This moment is everything.

And y’all, I had gone back and re-read one of my old Richonne in Retrospect posts from several years ago where I reflected on a s6 scene between Michonne and David, that Alexandrian who got bit in 6.03. In that 6.03 scene, David talks to Michonne about his love story which completely and intentionally mirrors Michonne's own love story with Rick. And in that old post, I wrote this: 

"Rick and Michonne finding each other in all this is really one of the best things that happened to them. And in this type of world people take a whole lot of L’s so it’s cool that they were actually able to find such a big win in finding each other…and if R&M ever verbally imply a similar sentiment to each other about how finding each other in all this was everything, this will literally be me…"

So the fact that over a year after I wrote that, Rick and Michonne express exactly this...😭🙌🏾😭 It is the best ever. And just as I predicted, that gif above was and still is me whenever I watch this scene. It is just so powerful for Rick and Michonne to feel like amid all their loss, they still won big time by finding each other and falling in love. 

And then Michonne so lovingly kisses his hand, and Rick is perfectly content with that exchange as he shuts his eyes. But then, once again, the gift that keeps on giving gives us even more. 🤩

Cuz Michonne turns to look at him and then Rick...y’all, I’ll never get over how he looks at her right here. Like he looks right at Michonne with a breathtaking look that says, “I’m wholly and completely yours” and so clearly shows that she seriously means everything to him.

(also! y'all, I wrote this whole post before that V-day trailer, and so the fact that we've now got to hear Rick directly say, "I am yours," before the show even officially premieres 😍😍😍 my goodness TOWL is just blessings on blessings)

So then they kiss and it wonderfully ramps up with Michonne getting on top of him and reiterating "the famous Rick Grimes." 😏

…except this time, i think sis means he’s famous for reasons only she knows about. and that’s their business. 😋

As Danai has noted before, Rick knows how to make Michonne vulnerable, and Michonne knows how to make Rick laugh, which is just sublime.

And the way Rick laughs at the close of this scene - you know that if there’s one person he likes being "the famous Rick Grimes" to it’s Mrs. Grimes. 😊

Y’all, this whole scene blessed us ten times over. Our ship has it all. And we really do get whatever we want lol. 💅🏽

(Side note: it's also important to note that we don't just get whatever we want as some sort of forced fan service from the show. (Considering Gimple was planting Richonne seeds before viewers had even seen the two on screen together, that fan-service take simply can't be true). The real reason we get what we want is because the very love story we want to see is also the very love story the show wanted to organically craft. These TWD writers, actors, producers, network/production companies etc, fully recognize Rick and Michonne's relationship as a special marriage with crazy love between two tethered soulmates, and we're just in agreement and alignment with that. And I feel fortunate that the canon story being told is as beautiful, romantic, and authentic as we wanted and knew it would be)

I’m so grateful for this tender scene and that these actors are so capable of playing every shade of Richonne perfectly. Like we got serious, playful, romantic, steamy, and utterly heartfelt all in this one scene. 🙌🏾

And while Rick has expressed feeling so lucky to have Michonne in the way he looks at her for many seasons, it was wonderful to hear him also outright verbalize that in finding her he found a true reward. He doesn’t take her for granted, and Michonne doesn’t either, knowing that he is her win in all this too. 

This moment is also beautiful because Rick and Michonne are two selfless individuals who have been put through the wringer on their individual and shared journeys yet still remained dedicated to giving their all to protect their people - And then the universe sent them each other and said ♡ you deserve to be taken care of too, ♡ you deserve to be held too, ♡ you deserve a gift that's just for you too. ♡ oh and also the gift that we're sending you is...

Rick and Michonne are each other's blessing. This scene solidified that beautifully.

They won because of each other, and we won with special scenes like this that contribute so much to Richonne’s perfect love story. 😌

[trans-androgyne]

TERFism & Transandrophobia

Hi folks, the radfems are on their shit again. They are trying to insert themselves into our conversations and spaces. They flatten transandrophobia to “just misogyny” and attribute it to transfems and other people they consider “male.” They are trying to use the backlash and transandrophobia we’ve received from some transfems as proof that “afab people” are specially oppressed by all “amab people.” They claim that trans women oppress cis women and promote “afab solidarity” against transfems. I’ve seen the radfem @/detransraichu (block them and @/vaelystrasia) talking about trying to get trans people—especially transmascs who acknowledge transandrophobia—to swallow their points better by using “afab” and “amab” instead of “female” and “male.”

If you have a moment to read below the cut, I wanted to briefly remind us all of some more crypto-TERF/radfem/gender critical rhetoric to look out for in these conversations.

1) Using amab/afab as nouns or adjectives instead of verbs — It isn’t always a radfem, but they basically find&replace “male/female” to amab/afab for the optics, so it’s something to look out for.

2) The idea of “male/amab supremacy” or “sex-based oppression” — belief everyone amab oppresses everyone afab. They use this to say trans women oppress cis women.

3) “Afab solidarity” — asking trans people afab to side with cis women over trans women. Erases the power cis women can have over transmascs. Think “trans men are my sisters.”

4) Male/female socialization — insists people are destined to become a specific way based on their agab. What they use to consider everyone amab dangerous and everyone afab safe. Always, always be extremely suspicious of anyone saying “women/afabs are safe, men/amabs are unsafe” for any reason. However, not everyone talking about their agab affecting how they were raised is a radfem. It’s acceptable to say that growing up when amab/afab affects how you were treated or how you act today. It is not okay to assume how others’ perceived socialization affects them, ever.

5) Bio women/bio vaginas/bio breasts — transphobic ways to exclude trans women or refer to their body parts in a way that implies they are cosmetic rather than biological.

6) “Afabmisogyny” — used to describe misogyny presumed to only affect people afab. Positions any misogyny experienced by transfems as less important.

7) “Kink critical” — radfem rhetoric is often very anti-kink, anti-porn, and anti-sex work(ers) as they believe all three are used to oppress females.

These are the points I thought were most relevant to transandrophobia conversations, but feel free to add on if you’re able!

[colleybri]

Cassian Andor taking on an Imperial garrison…

The subtle use of echoing lines in Andor (frequently right through to Rogue One) is so well done, and one example shows Cassian’s character development very clearly…

When Cassian is first being briefed by Vel about the heist on Aldhani, he reacts with horror at the news about there being an Imperial garrison nearby. Luthen didn’t mention it, and you get the sense that he might not have agreed to take on the job had he known about this extra danger . But of course, he commits and the heist is a success – of a kind.

But afterwards… he doesn’t want to do anything like that again. He wants to “win and walk away” to “somewhere warm and easy” . The irony is – his actions have helped to inspire Maarva, who refuses to leave Ferrix - while praising the actions of the “brave” “heroes” of Aldhani. She’s just indirectly praised him, and you can see that he’s delighted by a split second little spontaneous smile of pleasure that he quickly suppresses. Ouch. He’s finally done something she could be proud of, but he doesn’t want to give her a reason to stay so he has to stay quiet.

^ Awww 😞

But what’s really interesting is the editing in this masterful and moving scene. On Maarva’s words ‘If there are heroes brave enough to take on a whole Imperial garrison I’m brave enough to stick it out here” we see the flashback of 13 year old Cassian approaching the Troopers with a cudgel, revealing at long last the details of the assault that landed him in youth prison for three years and Mimban after that. The horrifying execution of Clem combined with the injustice and pain of his own punishment has not just traumatised the adult Cassian, it’s also made him somebody who will now avoid a conflict – and therefore the Rebellion– wherever possible. 

‘It’s all useless… it’s better to live!’ is what he told Luthen before Aldhani, but the precise placing of the shot here is very telling.

Cassian is starting to subconsciously associate that act with bravery rather than recklessness. He hates the Empire for what they did to Clem but it has so far translated to trying to ‘live’ and ignore them as much as possible; but his teenage self wanted to fight, to get revenge. Nonetheless it was an emotional response, an impulsive act that was not thought through. This is in total contrast to the calm methodical shots of Wilmon Paak preparing the bomb at the start of Episode 12. Wilmon is balancing emotion with rationality in planning his own revenge, in an arc which otherwise is like a replay of Cassian’s own.

Later in Episode 12 Cassian hears from Brasso his mother’s last words for him - all proof not just of how much she loved him but of how much she knew him too. He does indeed now ‘know everything he needs to know and feel everything he needs to feel’. His reasoning and his emotions are now able to work together to be that ‘unstoppable force for good’. He won’t be making emotional but futile attacks like rushing armed Troopers with a stick anymore. He will think, plan, observe and react. But he will act. He is not going to walk away any more. And he’s not going to leave loved ones behind if he can help it…

…Because in a final bit of lines-linking brilliance - immediately after hearing these words of his mother, Cassian prepares to go into the hotel, via the tunnels she checked were open, to rescue Bix.

Incredulous, Brasso says: “Are you going to take on a whole garrison?”

And Cassian doesn’t verbally reply. The look says it all. ‘I’ve done it before, twice, l’ll do it again, and I’m doing it now.’

It sums up Cassian’s arc so well. From oppression, to fighting back, to running from the fight, to taking up the fight again (now an even more exact mirror of Jyn Erso’s arc too). But this time… having learnt from experience. One lesson being: teamwork matters…

…Because thanks to Brasso and the riot the Troopers are ordered out of the Rix hotel, which is the Empire’s base. Making it possible for Cassian to extract Bix, with the “Imperial garrison” deployed elsewhere. A technique so effective, it will also be used on Scarif to give Jyn, K2SO and himself a chance to reach the data files.

“Light it up …

..Make ten men feel like a hundred “

And that’s how you make a realistic hero. Cassian is somebody who learns and grows despite some bitter experiences.

Better deploy that garrison, because Cassian Andor is taking it on.

[callimara]

I don't know what to do.

When I tried talking to a close relative of mine about Palestine, they went on a spiel. They insisted that it wasn't genocide, that Isr*el had given them their land, that Palestine was warned about the Hamas and still voted for them, that Palestine struck first, that Isr*el warned them and gave them time to move south before Isr*el attacked. They insisted the support for Palestine is spurred on by propaganda!

When I asked my relative for proof, they dodged the question, claimed they've known about the whole thing about Isr*el and Palestine for a very long time, and said something about something being in the quran.

Now I'm torn and I'm not sure what's true anymore!

I have so many asks to go through, but I think this one is very important to answer.

To start, I think you are very brave for asking questions and trying to find the truth amidst all the propaganda, so here's what I know.

For some context, I am an Indonesian, and Indonesia and Palestine have very close diplomatic relations and share many similarities in history. We were both colonized and had to resist occupation in a white supremacist world where you are seen as lesser if your skin isn't white and savages/terrorists if you resist or if you want your land back.

Palestine was also the first to recognize Indonesia's independence in 1945, and Indonesia has built a hospital in Gaza that is one of the last ones currently standing due to relentless Israeli bombardments.

People who have gone through oppression recognize oppression. And so far the only people I have seen supporting Israel have been people who had been indoctrinated with Zionist views from childhood, people who are NOT educated on the history of Israel (and why they were there in Palestine to begin with and it is NOT because of the holocaust, which I will explain further down), and Evangelical Christians who want to bring on the rapture. Even then, what they are so angry and appalled by are people calling to send aid, and their only argument for not allowing aid into Gaza because they will be used to create weapons and rockets.

They genuinely believe that Palestinians have a magical ability to turn things like food, water, and medicine into rockets.

So, I will go through your relatives' points one by one.

Firstly, it is not a religious issue. And it never had been. This is colonization and apartheid. Do not let the media or uninformed people tell you otherwise, because that is how they justify and defend its existence.

Israel gave them their land back

Lots of Israelis say that Israeli forces completely pulled out of Gaza in 2005. That isn't 'giving land back' that is 'withdrawing from taking more land.' The entirety of what is now Israel WAS Palestine, and Palestinians aren't even asking for ALL of it back, just the borders that they had in 1967.

Also, if you're wondering why they pulled back, it's because you cannot bombard your own occupied territory, which we see them doing freely now.

Palestine was warned about Hamas

Really? That's so funny because Hamas is backed and funded by Benjamin Netanyahu (his own words at a press conference with an Israeli news cite, not mine) and his US minions to try and oppose the PLO (Palestine Liberation Movement), who were seen as a more legitimate governing body that would make Israel and the US look bad for trying to eradicate them. So, they chose a more extremist group that they'd have an easier time selling as "barbaric terrorists" as a justification to bombard Gaza with impunity. If this sounds familiar, that's because it should. It's all part of their playbook.

Palestine struck first

This did not begin on October 7th. This has been going on since the Nakba in 1948. What happened on October 7th was tragic, but it was IDF bullets that killed those hostages. It took them 6 hours to respond (a survivor said that Hamas had to ASK them to call the IDF, because they were not coming), and when they came, they killed their own civilians and hostages in the crossfire. Watch this video for the full evidence.

Hamas took hostages for a hostage swap. For the thousands of Palestinian civilians that had been kidnapped and wrongfully detained (some of them WITHOUT CHARGES) in Israeli prisons, which included KIDS. And as of now, Israel has rejected the Israeli hostages 3 times even though they are killing them in the bombardment.

Israel has something called the Hannibal Directive. Go look it up.

Because no one in their right mind would agree that just because there is a school shooter hiding inside a school with hostages while using the students as human shields, the only course of action is to then bomb the entire school.

And ask yourself, if this is truly a war on Hamas and Israel valued Palestinian civilian lives as much as they do Israeli lives, then if Hamas was hiding in Israel, would the IDF be using the same approach as they are currently using for Gaza? And if not, then why.

Israel warned them and gave them time to move south

They gave 1 million people 24 hours to complete a trek that would have taken 72 hours. 1 million people who had mostly been women, children, and the handicapped. And during the evacuation, they were bombing convoys, ambulances, and safe routes. Then when they finally got to the south of Gaza, they were bombed there too. In the place where they were supposed to be safe.

Also, if Russia had warned Ukraine that they were going to bomb them and gave them time to evacuate, does that then make it ok for Russia to bomb Ukraine? Of course not, that's a silly argument.

The support for Palestine is spurred on by propaganda

Well, which one between Palestine and Israel literally has the entire western media in their pocket? Which one has been PAYING influencers to voice their support for their country? Which one has been proven to spread LIES unquestioned? (Like 40 beheaded babies, for instance? Or using AI generated images for proof?) Which one has been posting tweets proudly declaring that they have committed war crimes, deleting the tweets, and backtracking?

Which one has fucking social media accounts that are beefing with models and celebrities who are against them, and are using influencer's images without their permission to make it seem like they're on THEIR side?

So now, let's talk about Israel and Holocaust Survivors.

First of all, the creation of a Jewish state in Palestine began in 1917 when Britain signed the Balfour Declaration, which states that they are giving away their occupied colony of Palestine to a group of Zionists immigrating to Palestine from Eastern Europe and Yemen. First thing to note here, there were already Palestinians living on the land, it was not a barren empty land, and it was colonized by the British. So the British gave away stolen land that they had no right to give away in the first place.

The holocaust survivors didn't arrive in Israel until the end of WW2 in the 1940s where they were then scorned and laughed at by the Zionist settlers in Palestine for being 'weak victims.' The holocaust victims continued to be discriminated against and left to live in poverty by the Israeli gov't.

However, their arrival gave the west a reason to arm the settlers so that they can 'defend themselves' from all the 'vicious, evil, uncivilized Arabs' they were surrounded by. And they used this excuse and dehumanization to displace 750,000 Palestinians from their land. The Nakba.

And they continue to use the holocaust survivors (that they are also treating badly) as a shield from international criticism to expand until we have the borders we have today.

[ticktockheartstop]

I haven’t seen anyone point this out but, uh, there’s something(s) suspicious about “Muriel’s Perfectly Plucky Playlist.”

Yes, it’s a cute playlist of upbeat songs whose first lyrics perfectly spell out “Hello, hello, hello,” reminding us of our cheerful little angel from season 2. But let me first point out that “plucky” is not necessarily a perfectly happy word.

As anyone in the Good Omens fandom should know, Heaven is not a very happy place, and I think that’s why people love Muriel so much. They have managed to keep a very positive attitude amidst an oppressive regime in which they are VERY low on the totem pole. But it is really sad to have the fact that Muriel has had to be so determined and courageous in the face of difficulties blatantly pointed out, especially since it’s kinda easy to think of Muriel as a happy little child of an angel. Who would ever want to hurt them? (Michael and Uriel and the Metatron and everyone else in Heaven, apparently)

So, back to the playlist itself: we start out with very happy songs, which is all great and to be expected from Muriel. BUT THEN “Dog Days Are Over” by Florence + the Machine comes along, and…. Well…

With that meaning behind the song, you start to wonder if Muriel is really listening to the lyrics, or if they’re just jamming to the happy, upbeat rhythms and notes of the song. (Much like Neil said about the Almighty enjoying The Sound of Music for the nuns and singing and ignoring everything else)

Next on the playlist is Everyday by Buddy Holly, which we are all very familiar with at this point. The song itself is about waiting for love and the hope that love will persevere. With Gabriel and Beezlebub, love did persevere, so I can only hope that it will for Muriel someday as well. It’s just sad to think of our lonely little angel waiting to be loved.

Song number 8 is Another One Bites the Dust, which I think is the least traditionally happy and upbeat song on the playlist. Just take a closer look at the lyrics:

Not a happy song! And the lyrics that really stick out to me are: “how do you think I’m going to get along/without you when you’ve gone?/you took me for everything that I had/and kicked me or on my own” because that’s exactly what the Metatron and Heaven did to Muriel! I think our angel is harboring some serious bitterness!

This point is only farther supported by the next song, Demi Lovato’s cover of “Let It Go.” The fact that it is Demi’s version is significant, because there are some different lyrics than those heard on the Disney movie.

These lyric changes make the already rebellious, freeing song even more so. And we all know that the Good Omens team didn’t choose this version by mistake.

So, what have we learned? I think Muriel is going to see some serious character development, and become quite an important player in season 3. Either that or this is just further proof that all angels are traumatized (or both!)

[saltsicklover]

Bikinis, Breasts, and Bucky Barnes

Title: Bikinis, Breasts, and Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4350

Rating: T

Warnings: Swearing, Light Misconduct/Abuse, A singular joke that may be offensive to First Nations folks. Talks about breasts and augmentation.

This is my first request and I am so thrilled about it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bucky Barnes, or anything related to Marvel within this piece. Not Proof Read or BETA'd. All mistakes are my own.

I do not consent for my work to be edited, reposted, or translated.

You are responsible for your own media consumption. This is a work of fiction that may contain mature themes. If you are sensitive to those subjects, please do not read.

Summertime has got to be one of the most oppressive parts of the year. Between the sweltering heat and the expectation to be tan, fit, and breathtaking in the smallest bikinis leaves me feeling with nothing but dread. The nausea twists in my stomach, churning and bubbling. 

My boyfriend, Brock, sits on the sofa next to me, staring at the side of my face intently, a gift bag held out in his hand expectantly. He has been talking my ear off about the party that the tower is hosting and I have been dodging the invite for weeks- from him and my coworkers. Any sort of mention and an excuse falls from my lips- "Well, it is a work party, and I would like to spend my day off not at work," or "I don't have anything to wear to that sort of thing," and even, "It's good for you to spend time with your friends and I don't want you having to worry about me the whole party" - Nothing worked. His buddies are supposed to be there, and some new recruits. The idea of it makes me queasy.

"Come on Sweets, open it!" I cringe a bit at the nickname, the one he has been refusing to drop for months. He thrusts the bag into my hands and the plastic crinkles under my touch. I take a deep breath in a shallow attempt to center myself before taking out the few pieces of tissue paper he shoved into the bag haphazardly. 

The feeling of his eyes  on my profile never leaves, not even as the bag hits the floor in front of my feet, a string bikini in my hands. The strings fall loosely between my fingers like limp spaghetti, the small bits of fabric meant to actually cover something seem to be almost non-existent. I hold the fabric up to the light and shapes of the room can be seen through the tan weave of the material. I can't imagine what could be seen through it if it were wet. 

I chuckle out a tense sort of laugh and it gets stuck in the back of my throat- I choke on the idea of wearing something so small. "What's this, Brock?" I hold the swimwear out to him in my hands and it sits on my palms like an offering to a long forgotten god. My palms care clammy, threatening to shake as if I were facing this ancient being head on. Maybe my head on a spit would be more comfortable than this moment; my body flayed out on an alter would feel more conservative.  

"It's for the party, don't you love it?" His eyes search over my face, my figure, the outfit he plans on parading me in front of his friends in. I might be sick. 

"Ha, yeah Brock, that's funny," I throw the pile of strings on the table in front of me. I run my hands over my jeans, hoping to stuff the anxiety from my palms between the stitches of denim. The look he gives me is somewhere between pissed off and disbelief and it is flooding each and every line of his face. 

"It's not funny, it's a gift, Sweets. You should be grateful," He informs me as he pushes himself to his feet. He grabs the bikini off the table as he grabs my wrist with a grip that is just a bit to firm. He pulls me to my feet and over to the full length mirror. 

"See look," He positions me harshly in front of the glass, my reflection staring back at me. I don't like what I see with him standing so close behind me. I shiver, but that doesn't stop him from tying the top on my body, over my clothes. "You are going to look good in this. Could look better, but there isn't a whole lot we can do about that before Friday rolls around," He shrugs like his words mean nothing, yet they are like razorblades. "These need work, but you refuse to do anything about that," He brings his hands up to grip at both of my breasts, squeezing them tightly, his fingers digging into the tender flesh. 

I fight off every instinct to elbow him straight in the gut. Bastard.

"You know better than to bring that up, Brock," I spit at him, trying to wriggle out of his tight grip. He just chuckles at me like we are playing a game- and maybe we are, cat and mouse, and it looks like I'm the mouse. 

"I'm just saying, you make more than enough money at the little job of yours, you could definitely afford it, and you and I both know you would look so much better with maybe a D, or a double D," He keeps scrutinizing my body in the mirror, his eyes locked on my chest. We work at the same place, but because I am a member of the human resources department he seems to think my job is lesser than his- until there is something wrong with his paycheck. 

I have never once question my breast size, at least not until Brock came along. I try not to let his words eat away at me, but with the frequency he brings up the topic I can't help but let my mind drift to it even when I'm alone. The whole thing leaving me tired, uncomfortable and self conscious. 

"If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times, I am not getting breast implants Brock. If you want a girl with big fake tits, that's fine! There is nothing and I mean nothing wrong with implants but they are not becoming a part of my body and that is final," I rip the bikini top off my body as fast as I can before pushing past him and out the door of his apartment. I am done with this conversation, absolutely, positively, done. 

By the time the party rolls around, Brock is practically vibrating. He pulls me behind him, his signature too-tight grip on my wrist as he pushes through the other party goers, straight over to his friends. 

"Sweets, you know John Walker, Lemar Hoskins, and the rest of the guys," He points at the men all gathered around one of the picnic tables. The party is being held on the upper floors and roof of Avengers Tower; everyone who works in the facility was invited. Tony Stark sure loves to throw a party, and the more the merrier seems to be his philosophy. 

I wave awkwardly with the hand Brock dropped as soon as we were in sight of his friends. I shift my strappy top, pulling the neckline up further with the other hand, my bag swinging from the crook of my elbow. "Hi guys." John goes on to explain to me how he and Lemar are being contracted to work with Brock's team, and how great it is to be contracted through the military. He explains this all so carefree, like he is trying to impress me with the information. It takes all my will power not to roll my eyes. He forgets he met with me to sign his damn contact, what a tool. 

I try and hum and laugh along with their stories as they continue to shoot the shit and catch up, Brock leaving me standing while he sits with his friends. I tune them out, looking around the party for anyone else that I could escape and talk to. John grabs my wrist, his fingernails digging into my skin, leaving small crescents in my wrist as he pulls me harshly into his lap. 

"You're right, Brock, she would definitely do better with some double D's! Say, Sweets, take off that shirt of yours and let us see what you're working with," He tugs the hem of my shirt, causing the deep v of my top to pull down, exposing my swimsuit and sternum beneath it. 

"John," Brock starts, looking stern. Maybe this time he will actually stand up for me, "Let's just say if she had an Indian name, it would be "Starving Children"," He bellows, laughing and grabbing at his own chest. When John erupts into laughter with the rest of the group, I stand, breaking free of his embrace.

"You know what Brock, fuck you, fuck your friends, and fuck this whole situation. I am done. Forget about me, lose my number, and go find a set of fake tits to shove your tiny dick between because we are finished,"  I shout at him, and I know people are watching, but I don't care. Anger is just the part of you that sticks up for yourself, right? 

I can feel the hot sting of embarrassment begin to bleed over my skin as I rush for the building and crushed raspberries have nothing on the color that shows on my face. I stumble down the stairs, praying that I can make it to the washroom before I fall into tears. I push past Bucky Barnes and his friends as they climb the stairs. His eyes meet mine and he offers me a small, kind smile, one I can't find anywhere in myself to return. I push past them, trying not to dwell on it, or the curve of his lips. 

When I push the door open, I am met with two pairs of familiar eyes and one set I don't recognize. Wanda Maximoff and Natasha Romanoff are standing in the washroom, no doubt having some sort of conversation before I burst through the door. The other woman, who can't be older than 19 or 20 stands at the sink, washing her hands diligently. They all eye me carefully and it's at that moment my body, my heart, my emotions betray me and tears begin to pour out of me with ragged sobs. 

"Are you okay?" The girl at the sink asks, dragging her wet hands though her curly hair. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid question. My name is MJ, How can we help?" She asks. The other women hum in unison, rushing to my side. 

Before I know it, I am lamenting about the bullshit I have been putting up with due to Brock and his never ending obsession with breast implants. Six hands begin to dry my tears and rub over my back and arms soothingly. I tell them about the barely existent swimsuit he forced me to wear to the party and how I am embarrassed that I even put it on. 

"You know what, I am sure between the three of us, we can get you a bikini that you will be proud to be seen in," Natasha tells me as she wipes some smudged mascara from my cheek. She gives me the most gentle smile. I can't help but smile back, and before I know it they are dragging me to Wanda's room to get me outfitted into something new. 

By the time they are done, I am clad in a beautiful purple bikini top, one that has hooks and clasps instead of flimsy ties, and a pair of black boy-short bottoms that hug my ass. Wanda pulls my hair back out of my face with a couple of braids while MJ stands next to us telling us all about Peter and how nice he treats her and how any man who doesn't treat me the same way should eat dirt. It's really refreshing to meet a young girl who has such a good head on her shoulders. Natasha slides a beautiful gold and silver necklace over my head, the chain hanging down to mid sternum, highlighting my natural body. 

"You look spectacular," Wanda whispers in my ear as we walk back out onto the roof. I have to admit, I don't think I have ever felt more powerful than I do right now, with these three women behind me. 

"Hey Barnes, get your ass over here," Natasha shouts. I follow her eyeline to the pool where none other than Bucky Barnes is pulling himself out of the water. The water slides down his figure and I can't help but watch as each drop runs over his defined muscles, dipping and rising over each one of them as gravity pulls the water towards the Earth. Once he is out of the pool, which takes seconds, he saunters over to us, a goofy smile plastered to his face. 

"What can I do for you?" He asks her, eyes not leaving mine. 

"I need you to show our friend here a good time, the girls and I have some trash to take out," She informs him, tapping him on the shoulder, like she knows something I don't.

"Hi, I'm Y/N" I hold my hand out to him, still shaking a bit from my earlier encounter with Brock and his scumbag friends. 

"I know who you are, Doll," Bucky chuckles a bit, but takes my hand in his anyway. The handshake is firm and his eyes never leave mine. "Let's get you a drink, shall we?" 

He pulls me along, fingers laces with mine, his touch the complete opposite of Brock's. The idea warms me from the inside out, a sense of comfort finally falling over my soul. Bucky leads me to a table with a couple of his friends, Steve and Sam, who both stand to shake my hand and tell me how good it is to see me again. I can't explain the feeling that thrums through me body when I catch Bucky smiling at me as I shake hands with his friends.

Sam reaches into the cooler and pulls out a bottle of water and a beer for me, handing them across the table. Bucky takes them from him, cracking open the bottle of water before using the table to pop the top off of the beer. He sets them both in front of me with a smile.

"These okay? Or should I get you something else?" He asks, a tinge of worry flashing in his eyes but quickly disappears with my reassurance.  The boys talk and laugh, each making sure that I am included in the conversation. Bucky never fails to open a drink for me, or to share his snacks, which earns a huff from Steve, who claims Bucky won't share any of his snacks with anyone. 

As the daylight is flushed away with the sunset, people begin to trickle out of the party, and before I know it, Bucky and I have been left alone at the table, each nursing a half full beer. Sam and Steve left to help clean up awhile ago, leaving Bucky and I in our own little world of conversation. 

I am listening to Bucky, but my mind seems to drift a bit before a full, hearty chuckle leaves my lips. I slap my hand over my mouth quick, a strawberry kiss of a blush on my cheeks. 

"What are you laughing about? I haven't even gotten to the funny part of the story yet!" Bucky laughs, nudging me in the knee with his foot playfully under the table. 

"I just had a funny realization, that's all," I try to dismiss the thought with a wave of my hand, bringing my beer back up to my lips. I tip the bottle back and Bucky just watches in bemusement for a moment before continuing.

"Oh, you've gotta tell me now!" He insists, crossing his large arms over the expanse of his chest. 

"Okay, okay, fine," I take another swig of my drink before setting it down on the table, "I just realized that I'm not nauseous, for the first time in I can't even tell you how long," I chuckle to myself, shaking my head to dismiss any disbelief.  Bucky cocks an eyebrow at me, so I continue, "With Brock it seemed like I was always nauseous or ill, and now that I broke up with him, everything has finally settled."

"Oh, that's- that's really good, I'm happy for you," He sounds sincere in his words, a smile pulling over his lips. 

"Thanks, Buck," I return with a shy smile.

"Can I ask what happened?" He questions, not quite meeting my eyes. I can feel a stinging flush of color invade my skin at his words but I fight the feeling, rubbing at my skin to ease it. 

"Yeah, sure. He has been harassing me for months about getting breast implants. He said that an A cup, which I am, isn't even a handful, which isn't good enough. He wanted me to get absolutely huge, fake tits because that's what he is into. Then John started harassing me about it too, and I guess I just snapped. I broke up with that tool right on the spot," I explain, and Bucky listens, like really truly listens to each and every word. When I finish speaking, he leans back a bit, a gentle huff escaping his lips.

"So that's what Nat meant about taking out the trash, huh?" He chuckles, bringing his bottle to his lips. 

"Yeah, I guess so," I laugh with him, and the feeling is truly refreshing. 

"I know this might sound horrible, but I am kinda happy that things went the way they did today," He admits, rubbing at the nape of his neck. His hair has long dried now, his bangs flopping in front of his forehead, threating to droop in his eyes. 

"Wow, thanks Buck," I roll my eyes at him and he tries to backtrack his words. "I am just fucking with you, Buck, calm down!" I laugh, and he laughs too, after a beat.

"You scared me!" He throws a towel at me, across the table. It catches both of our beers, the bottles tumbling over. The sticky sweet beer rolls off the table and into my lap as a small sound, somewhere between a laugh and a shriek leaves me. "Oh my god! I am so sorry!" Bucky jumps to his feet, rounding the table to look at the sticky mess in my lap that coat my swim bottoms. 

"It's okay, Bucky," I laugh, toweling off my thighs, "It will wash off, don't worry about it," 

"Well at least we got your suit wet. It would have been a shame to have come to a pool party just to have stayed dry the whole time," We laugh together at his words. "Wanna get in the pool? Just for a little while? It's a beautiful night, it would be a shame to waste it."

I just nod at Bucky with a smile, holding my hand out for him to lead the way. He takes my hand, pulling me to my feet before leading me over to the pool. He gets in first before guiding me down the stairs, holding my hand for balance. I can't help but swoon a bit at the action, a warmth filling my cheeks. 

We walk out to the five foot point, the water deep enough to cover most of my body. With the water covering my chest, the  last bit of insecurity is drowned beneath the surface.  

"I know I keep pushing the envelope with you tonight, but I am just going to say one more thing, than I am going to shut up and keep my ass quiet for the rest of the night, okay?" Bucky runs a wet hand through is tousled hair, water droplets dripping down his face. His eyes glow under the amber lights of the roof, complimented by a tint of cherry pink that is brushed across his cheeks.

"I think you look absolutely stunning, and I'm not talking about the swimsuit. I think your body is absolutely perfect, just the way it is. When I look at you, I don't see boobs or hips or ass or anything else for that matter, I just see you." With each word he takes a step closer to me. 

As the space between us shrinks, the ripples of our movement in the water run together. Finally, mere inches apart, Bucky looks down at me carefully, his whiskey full eyes moving carefully over every inch of my face as if he is taking in the littlest details I even overlook. 

"Thank you, Bucky, I can't even tell you how nice that is to hear," I look down towards me feet out of instinct, but he meets me halfway with a gentle finger beneath my chin. 

 "You don't have to shy away from me, Doll, hell, if it were up to me you would never shy away from anything else in the world," His words drip with honesty. His hand has moved to cradle my face, his thumb sweeping over my cheekbone with soft movements. He holds my hand beneath the water with his other hand, his grip gentle. I squeeze his hand in return. 

"You know, lately I have been getting through the day by telling myself by body is good enough because it holds all of my organs in the right way and it carries my brain from place to place, so it doesn't matter what it looks like, but, if I'm being honest, Buck, today with you has been one of the most comforting days I have had the pleasure of experiencing in a long, long time," I can feel my  breath bouncing off of his skin due to our close proximity. "So, I guess I am trying to say thank you. Thank you, Bucky," 

He barely gets the beginning of a word out before I am on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his in a soft kiss- one that feels like it has been years in the making, all the time folded over and compressed into an afternoon spent poolside. 

His hands snake around my figure, chests pressed together as the water moves gently around us. He kisses me like I am holy, like I am the most beautiful thing he has ever had the pleasure to touch and I melt. 

For once I am not the one on my knees at the alter, sacrificing parts of myself to a man who can barely keep a flame alit to keep us warm. Blood no longer drips down my hands, there is no bone clutched in my palms. I am no longer loosing a fighting battle against myself for a man who would never carry a shield for me- Brock was the artillery being fired my way and the only thing that ended up in the crossfire was the image of myself. But now, now, it's as if Bucky is honoring me with every brush of his calloused hands against my fingers. With every run of his tongue over my bottom lip I am finding the strength to worship myself again- just the way it should be. 

So I press my chest to his a bit harder, my heartbeat rattling my ribcage. The way he runs his hands over my body is like breathing air, fresh and crisp after years of smog. I let my fingers tangle in his hair where I can, my nails brushing over his scalp and he stifles back a moan. 

I pull back, peering up at him through my eyelashes. "Bucky, you are an incredible man. I hope you know that," I whisper, a small smile spread over my kiss sodden lips, "But that's not going to stop me from doing this!" I sweep a foot under his while pushing him backwards towards the water. Maybe it catches him off guard, maybe it doesn't, but he falls beneath the surface, pulling me along with him. We share an underwater kiss, but that just earns me bubbles to the face. I come up sputtering water and laughing full belly laughs that feel at home outside of my body.

He grabs me again, pulling me into a tight hug. His arms are wound around my shoulders, head perched atop my own. I wrap his midsection in my arms loosely, taking in the night sky just beyond the building. 

"I wish we could see the stars," I whisper, water droplets running from my eyelashes down to my lips. 

"I can't imagine they would outshine you," Bucky mutters, a hint of flirtation in his voice. 

"That's because you grew up in the city, Barnes," I laugh, and his body rumbles with laughter too. He runs a hand up and down my back, his fingertips barely brushing over my skin, but they leave warm tingles in their wake. 

"I've been other places!" He attempts to defend himself but he doesn't go any further than that.  

"Speaking of other places, I should probably get going," I tell him, pulling out of the embrace. "Thank you for tonight, Buck, truly," I move across the pool and ascend the stairs, heading to collect my bag. "Would you tell Nat and Wanda that I'll bring there stuff by on Monday?" I ask him, while I run a towel over my body. 

"Of course I will," Bucky smiles at me. God I could get used to that smile, and those blue eyes of his. I smile to myself as I stuff the now wet towel into my bag. "Speaking of Monday, you and I are getting lunch- or if you are stuck in the office, I will be bringing lunch by for us. I want to see you again." By the time he finishes speaking, he is out of the pool and standing in front of me, a look of excitement scribbled across his features. That big goofy smile of his is going to live rent free in my head for the weekend, maybe longer. Definitely longer. 

"It's a date," I tell him, holding out my hand to shake on it. He takes it and pulls me into his wet body.

"It's a date, Doll," He whispers against my lips before sharing a kiss with me that is too full of smiles and giggles to be done properly; and for the first time I find myself thankful for bikinis, breasts, and Bucky Barnes. 

[lhazaar]

hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

[imagopirateversion]

It’s a Pirate Life for Me!

Why I am an adult who still believes in the pirate philosophy and is not willing to change.

An essay by: a person who really hopes future employers will never find this, but will still put their name at the end of it.

Painting credits: Pirate Boarding, Andrey Serebryakov

Can One Still Call Themselves A Pirate in the Twenty-First Century?

There are two answers to that question, and both of them are "yes".

Pirates do actually exist today: there were around 120 incidents of maritime piracy and armed robbery against ships reported in 2023 and around 115 in 2022 (source x). So yes, one can define themselves a pirate in the twenty-first century in a very literal sense; which is not what I'm trying to do here, of course.

While the world has changed and piracy has (almost) ceased to exist, thanks to stories, legends and media, the idea of piracy has become completely detached from the practice. This has led to a concept of "piracy" that has very little to do with sailing, stealing, and killing, and a lot more to do with what most things become over time: philosophy.

What no longer exists in practice in our era (and sometimes what never existed at all) has become a way of living: think about cowboys, goths, hippies, punks and so on. All these things are much more than aesthetics: each one has its own vision, its own practices, its own style, its own way of living; in other words, its own philosophy.

This text is about pirate philosophy and its origins.

First Things First: Why Did People Become Pirates?

Piracy did not appear out of nowhere in 1600; it's ancient and we have proofs of it existing as a practice since ancient Egypt (read more here). We automatically think of the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries when we talk about piracy because that period is known as the Golden Age of Piracy. Precisely between 1650 and 1730, there were thousands of active pirates, some of them infamously notorious, as Henry Morgan, Captain Kidd, Calico Jack, Bartholomew Roberts and, of course, Blackbeard himself. But why did that happen? Well, the answer is complex but can be easily summed up in a single word: money. The world was changing, and as Lord Cutler Beckett explains so brilliantly in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: currency was becoming the currency of the country, especially in England. Ruthless landowners forced small farmers to leave their lands, while smaller tradesmen were challenged by larger businesses. Everyone wanted more, and those who couldn't adapt to the new world's rules became unemployed and were forced to move to urban areas to look for work or poor relief. The cities became overpopulated and soon there weren't funds left: distressed people had no hope of making a better life (source x). For this people, piracy was nothing more than a way out: it was either submit to the new society and starve to death, or rebel and survive. What would you have done?

What Kind of People Became Pirates?

Piracy soon became the best choice for many people. Not only for unemployed men who couldn't find a better way to survive, but also for those who, for various reasons, couldn't fit in. people who couldn't conform to societal norms weren't just discriminated against or isolated, they were often killed. That's why, even though piracy wasn't an easy life at all, many people preferred it. So, who were the pirates?

Sailors usually didn't make enough money to survive, and the discipline was extremely strict. Many of them ended up starving, getting sick, and dying. It's not surprising that many chose to become criminals and sail as pirates (source x).

Teenagers, often orphans with no money or future. Young men might have to endure seven-year apprenticeships before they could make an independent living, while piracy offered them a way to earn money quickly (source x).

Rebellious against the oppressive conditions imposed by their governments, specially from the Navy.

People discriminated because of their race. Black people in particular often had no social opportunities all, but could find acceptance within pirate crews, where camaraderie transcended racial or ethnic differences.

People with a religious belief that was considered heretical or nonconformist by the mainstream society could often find themselves persecuted. Pirate crews comprised members from diverse religious backgrounds and were generally more tolerant of religious differences.

People with a criminal background, who were offered an opportunity to start anew and be part of a community, two things that the civilized society couldn't give them.

Queer people, particularly homosexual men. Homosexuality was a crime at the time, often viewed as negatively as piracy, if not worse. Piracy was a male-dominated world; although for a long time media tried to portray pirates as "turning" gay due to the absence of women among them, the truth is that many gay men were pirates because they were gay. Homosexuality was so common among pirates that they had something very similar to same-sex marriage. It was called "matelotage": a legal civil union that bound two sailors together in an informal partnership, uniting one's fortune and future to the other's, and was respected by ship captains and pirate crews (source x).

Women. The majority of pirates were men, but not all of them. In a world that was not at all kind to young girls and women in general, it was not uncommon for them to disguise themselves as men or marry a pirate in order to become one. There have been notorious women pirates, some of them captains, such as Zheng Yi Sao or Huang Bamei (source x).

In short, outcasts. Individuals rejected by society, unable to find their place, and unwilling to conform to strict societal rules.

The Adventurers

There were a few people, a minority of course, who willingly chose piracy even though they had a normal, conforming, and even wealthy life. It's the case of Stede Bonnet, The Gentleman Pirate; he was born into a wealthy English family and inherited the family estate after his father's death in 1694. Despite his lack of sailing experience, Bonnet decided he should turn to piracy in the spring of 1717. He bought a sailing vessel, the Revenge, and travelled with his paid crew, capturing other vessels and burning other Barbadian ships. His story, apart from giving us one of the best pirate stories in the history of media, is significant because it provides evidence that piracy wasn't just about necessity; it was about identity. Piracy had become a way of life long before it was romanticized by the media.

The Pirate Life

What was it about pirate life that was so tempting for so many people? Life on a ship wasn't easy at all; the work was tough, the food was poor, and anyone could die at any moment, whether due to illness, sinking, or murder. Nevertheless, there was something that made it all worthwhile: freedom. People who have had no possibilities nor future in society found in piracy the opportunity to live by their own rules. Civilization's norms had no reason to exist in an uncivilized society; no master telling you what to do, no morality, no societal standards, no need to impress or perform. If you wanted something, you simply had to find a way to get it. That meant you could possibly starve to death, but it also meant that you had a chance of getting everything you had ever desired, and eating and drinking until you died, and in the civilized society you didn't have that chance. You could choose to sail and never touch land again; you could choose to marry or not to marry, to have a family or not to have one, to sleep with whomever you wanted to, to practice your religion. You could change your name and be who you wanted to be. Pirate life was the realization of that question most of us have asked ourselves at least once: 'What if I disappear tomorrow and start all over again somewhere else?'.

Piracy in the Modern World

In our eastern, civilized, technological, capitalist society, we don't need to be part of a crew and sail to be pirates. Piracy as a practice was defeated thanks to pirate hunting in the eighteenth century, but you can't kill an idea, can you? Ideas not only persist, they evolve and adapt to the changes they're forced to face. When we say "pirate" in today's world, we mean a lot of different things:

Sea Pirate: a person who attacks and robs ships at sea;

Software Pirate: a person who appropriates or reproduces the work of another for profit without permission, usually in contravention of patent or copyright;

In Italy, we have a way to describe people who ignore the Traffic Laws, 'pirata della strada', literally 'pirate of the street';

In sexual slang, the word 'pirate' is used to define someone who sleeps around, who constantly looks for casual sex.

The term 'ass pirate' has been used as a slur to describe homosexual men.

In short, the term in today's society is used to describe someone who breaks the rules, whether they are actual laws or societal standards.

If we consider everything piracy represents as a concept, as an idea, in modern society, and put it together, we can sum it up in three words:

Freedom, Anarchy, Resistance.

Freedom

'Freedom' is such an abstract concept it is almost impossible to define. It's widely discussed in philosophy, particularly the question: is it possible to be truly free? As soon as we built a society, in order to gain benefits, we had to partially sacrifice our freedom. We can't freely steal from our neighbors, but in doing so, we ensure our neighbors won't steal from us (at least, we hope). It's a simple concept. However, there's a line beyond which the benefits we gain aren't worth the sacrifices we make to obtain them. This has occurred repeatedly throughout history; it happened in the Golden Age of Piracy, and it was the reason why most of people chose to abandon civilization and sail as pirates, and it continues to happen every day. Whenever a social construct, or sometimes even a law, prevents you from simply existing as a person; whenever your future is dictated by your social status; whenever you're denied free time, enjoyment, rest, and happiness because you have to work ten hours a day just to be paid the minimum wage, if you're lucky enough to live in a country that has one. That isn't a freedom you willingly gave away to have a benefit. It's a freedom someone took from you before you were even born, before you could think and understand that just because everyone acts like it's the normal way of living, it doesn't mean it has to be that way.

Anarchy

It is true that, at least concerning crews, pirate society had a sort of hierarchy, in which the Captain of the ship was at the top. However, it is also true that this hierarchy could collapse at any given moment, considering the possibility of a mutiny, and that, in general, pirate society was anarchic. There has been research on the functioning of pirate society, particularly regarding its potential application in a hypothetical modern society where the value of human life and individual needs are more considered than they were during that era. Most of the work in that sense has been done by Peter Lamborn Wilson in his 1995 book 'Pirate Utopias: Moorish Corsairs & European Renegadoes'. He provides a definition of what he calls 'Pirate Utopias', that are described as "Early forms of autonomous proto-anarchist societies in that they operated beyond the reach of governments and embraced unrestricted freedom" (source x). I highly recommend reading his work and all the other research that followed it if you want to go into detail, because that's not what I'm going to do here (for now).

That being said, this is my personal take on the matter:

In our days, the discussion about Anarchy as a political belief is often ridiculed and reduced to a mere "if there were no rules, people would kill each other". That statement is true; people would. What is usually misunderstood and not taken into consideration is that people who profess to believe in Anarchy do not mean we should abolish every existing law overnight and see what happens. With 'Anarchy,' we mean a hypothetical society in which individuals are free to do as they please, and they willingly choose not to kill, steal, and hurt others because they have no interest in doing so. This hypothetical society is, of course, unachievable; it's what is called a utopia.

Most political beliefs are based on utopias (or dystopias, depending on your vision of them), because a society that strictly adheres to a pure political system is impossible to achieve. There cannot be a perfect socialist society, nor a perfect communist one, nor a perfect capitalist one, and of course, there cannot be a perfect anarchist society. What we can do, though, is aspire to one—or, to use a naval metaphor, we can set the course towards it. We can make decisions, take actions, and build societies around a specific vision.

The western society, for example, tends to a capitalistic system; in brief, money are what our society revolves around. The more money you possess, the more power you wield; your ultimate goal in life must be to gain money so that you can afford basic necessities: food, housing, healthcare and so on. Everything is privatized, leading to the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer, being exploited by people whose only purpose is to become even more rich. Consequently, you are forced to wake up every morning at 6 am to work ten-hour shifts for minimum wage. Don't like it? You're free not to live in the capitalist society. You'll probably starve to death, end up living on the street, be marginalized, isolated, persecuted, but still. You're "free" to do it. Of course, this is not a "perfect" capitalist society, it can't be; not until Democracy exists, not until Resistance exists. Still, our society tends towards it.

'Anarchy' doesn't mean we should live in a society with no rules; it simply means we should strive towards it and build a society that is as similar as possible to that utopia, prioritizing the freedom of the individual, but without causing collapse.

Resistance

Most pirates were hardly educated enough to even understand all of that as a concept, of course. They didn't fight for a political idea, most of them fought to survive. Even though it wasn't a utopian society, they still had a shared belief: dissent. Being an outcast means to be disillusioned in how 'mainstream' society works, and we know most of them were, considering their social background. Piracy was, in its own way, a movement of resistance.

Times have changed, and we don't have to engage in naval battles to resist. As society evolved, resistance as a practice evolved with it, and hence Western society has become less and less violent, as have the harmless but powerful acts of resistance.

Every time you protest, you are resisting. Every time you talk back, you expose a normalized injustice, you rebel towards an unfair authority, you say 'no', you go against what's expected from you, you are unapologetically yourself, you refuse to adapt, you decide to ignore or bypass a senseless law, you are resisting. Every time you prioritize your free time over money, you challenge beauty standards, you don't accept a 'that's how it was always done' as a justification. Even when you have fun harder than how you're supposed to, when you rejoice louder than how's considered appropriate, every time you dance like no one is watching you, you are, somehow, resisting.

Piracy in Media

Much of our perception of things we haven't directly experienced is filtered and conditioned by media. Even when we study historical periods like the Medieval Age or the Roman Empire, a part of our understanding will always be influenced by the media we've consumed about them. This is because media is often how we were introduced to these subjects: you can get very passionate about Indiana Jones, and so get interested in studying the pyramids and ancient Egypt, only to find out pyramids are nothing like it was portrayed in the movies. Nevertheless, you got interested in studying them in the first place because of Indiana Jones, so as much as you understand and accept that that isn't the truth behind ancient Egypt, you can also accept that Indiana Jones is part of your vision of it, and that cannot change. I know Pirates of the Caribbean isn't historically accurate, as much as Our Flag Means Death and Monkey Island aren't; still, I cannot deny that they have a role in creating a general vision of Pirate Philosophy in the modern world.

There are, in my opinion, three main aspects that come out from the combination of what we know about Piracy as a historical reality and as it's portrayed by media, and those are Hedonism, Nomadism and Camaraderie.

Hedonism

Hedonism is defined as 'the prioritization of pleasure in one's lifestyle, actions, or thoughts'. It's a recurring theme in the portrayal of pirate society; from songs, to movies where Tortuga is depicted as a place where people drink, eat, have sex and fight as they please, to legends that speak of treasures to be found so one can live a life of excess.

The reason for this is related to what we already know about the history of pirates, particularly the society they escaped from. The society of the seventeenth century was extremely strict, both morally and legislatively. Sex outside of marriage was out of the question, and many things that we consider normal today were seen as affronts to decency, often punishable. To be considered a respectable man or woman, one had to follow certain rules. Additionally, many pirates came from backgrounds of extreme poverty, making them prone to indulging in every kind of pleasure when they could.

Hedonism isn't just a perpetual search for pleasure; it's actually an ethical philosophy that is grounded in pleasure (defined as the avoidance of pain as much as possible) as the only intrinsic value and therefore the only reasonable expression of ethical good. This philosophy of life can be easily connected to the anarchist society that we described earlier; a society that doesn't have rules and in which you don't have a 'place' or need to 'contribute,' since your only purpose as an individual is to pursue pleasure.

I personally believe in Hedonism as an ethical philosophy, particularly Psychological Hedonism, as much as my research of pleasure doesn't prevail on someone else's.

Nomadism

One of the things that fascinated me the most about the Pirate Life as portrayed in media, was the idea of embarking on a journey that would never end. Our society is a stationary one, and I actually think there's nothing wrong with that. My perspective on this matter has nothing to do with morality, ideology, or politics. Being stationary is good; the human species would have never evolved if it didn't stop and build the world as we know it. This is simply a personal preference and stems from my absolute intolerance and repulsion at the idea of being born and dying in the same place. I've always yearned to explore, to see as much of the world as I could. The concept of 'borders' has always bothered me; I firmly believe in cultural exchanges and in learning about how other human beings live in different parts of the world. Of course, I acknowledge that without nations, traditions, and populations that are local and bound to their territories, there wouldn't even be cultures to discover or different societies to explore. So, this is about me, not a hypothetical, utopian society. I'm the one who always wanted to travel without ever stopping; I've never felt like I belonged in any one place or that there's a good enough reason to settle in a single nation and miss out on all that there is to see out there.

Camaraderie

Pirates encompassed men and women with all different kinds of backgrounds, nationalities, beliefs, ideologies and identities. While we speak in absolutes, in a society with no moral or legislative boundaries, factors such as who you were, where you came from, who you slept with, or what you believed in simply didn't matter. You were a pirate, and that was enough.

The official definition of camaraderie is:

"A feeling of friendliness towards people that you work or share an experience with".

In this case, we could even say "towards people that you share a lifestyle with". Being realistic, in a historically accurate pirate society, it's plausible that hate towards differences and minorities still existed, considering the strict and mentally bigoted society most pirates came from. However, we're talking about individuals who chose to leave that society, probably because of its strict and mentally bigoted nature. It's reasonable to assert that this particular kind of hate was at least less prevalent in the pirate society than outside of it.

Piracy in media undoubtedly plays a significant role in romanticizing the sense of brotherhood and companionship felt among pirates; we saw Pirate Codes, Brethren Courts, battles in the name of a common ideal, epic friendships and romances, songs that speak of a union strong enough to beat death itself and slogan such as "Long Live Piracy!".

What attracts me the most about it is that camaraderie as a concept exists in basically all societies or communities with a shared aim or belief. However, there are always rules that need to be followed, and the risk of being excluded and losing the privilege of deserving such camaraderie is always present. The idea of fidelity toward one's society, community, or even nation is essential for its survival, ensuring that those in power maintain control over their adherents, citizens, or believers. The pirate society is the only one I've stumbled across that doesn't need it. The feeling of brotherhood within these people doesn't need any kind of loyalty, proper rules or the fear of losing privileges to make sure that the community keeps existing. That's because the pirate society is made up of people who have already betrayed, renounced, and lost all of their privileges to be there. All they have is that sense of brotherhood and friendship. They exist in a reality in which none of them belongs anywhere and that, somehow, becomes a sense of belonging; one that doesn't need to be continuously shown or respected, simply because it's the only thing that keeps them there.

I believe that is the only reality in which camaraderie and freedom can coexist in a society, and I think it's one of the most beautiful and powerful concepts I've ever seen portrayed.

Conclusions

We finally arrived at the end of this... yeah, let's call it 'essay'. It was more than two weeks ago when I wrote the first word. It was meant to be brief and simply a way to put in words an intimate belief. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it, mostly because I rarely share such deep thoughts with people around me; though, I'm trying to change that. As all human beings I strive to find belonging and as a true pirate, I never found anywhere to do so. So, to find but one person who reads this until the end and finds themselves to agree with my view, it would make me immeasurably happy.

Thank you if you made it this far, even if you don't agree with a single word I've written, because you dedicated part of your time to me, and I appreciate it.

If you find syntactic errors, please consider that english isn't my first language and also that grammar is a made up concept anyway.

Don't forget to be free, to resist, to pursue pleasure as much as you can, to explore and to show camaraderie not because you have to, but for the sake of it.

Fair winds t' ye!

Imago