#props to op for the hard work

[transmascissues]

some thoughts about top surgery recovery, as of 3 days post-op:

when they say using your chest muscles sucks afterward, i never realized exactly how much was going to be be limited. coughing, sneezing, hiccuping, laughing — all of it is terrifying right now. even talking for too long starts to put that kind of stress on my chest, and my voice isn’t as strong as it usually is. it takes me forever to fully empty my bladder when i’m on the toilet because i’m totally relying on gravity to do all the work (and shitting was effectively impossible without a stool softener even though i haven’t taken the pain meds they said i would need them for)…and don’t even get me started on figuring out how to wipe (hint: back to front while sitting, using my dominant hand to push my non-dominant hand far back enough). using the computer is also harder — i was planning on playing lots of baldur’s gate after, but for the first couple days i could only really go for a few minutes before using my arms that way got too tiring. having a mastectomy pillow has been an absolute godsend when i’m using my phone because i can prop my arms up on it and not really have to use any muscles at all to hold them up.

the biggest piece of not being able to use my chest muscles right now, which i’m writing separately because it’s been such a huge thing for me, is that i cannot sit up or back by myself at fucking all. like, if i sit on the couch and lean back a bit to sit against the cushion, it hurts to pull myself back up to fully straight — and if i’m leaning back any more than that, i just can’t do it at all and i’m stuck there unless my boyfriend puts their hands behind me and pushes my dead weight back up. i totally get why some people sleep in a recliner now because i’m completely at the mercy of having someone there to help move me around once i’m at any sort of angle. sitting back is mostly the same as far as what i can do, and arguably hurts worse to attempt at all, but my ability to do it seems to be coming back faster than my ability to sit up. if you’ve never had your mobility limited to that extent before, prepare yourself: the first time you’re stuck somewhere and the person who normally helps you doesn’t answer immediately can be really fucking scary (i learned that the hard way).

the anesthesiologist warned me that i might have a sore throat after surgery from being intubated, but i was not prepared for what “sore throat” ended up meaning for me. you know that feeling of swallowing something that’s too big and you can still feel it in your throat even after it’s down? it’s like that times 20, and further down in my throat. the worst pain i’ve felt in the last three days wasn’t from the surgery itself, it was from trying to swallow pancakes when my throat was at it’s worst. today is the first day it’s even started to fade, and even now, it hurts just to swallow my own spit. i don’t know about you, but that’s not what comes to mind when someone tells me “you might have a sore throat”.

on that note, the incisions themselves have really been the least painful part in general, probably because the nerves there aren’t reconnected yet. the vast majority of my pain and discomfort at this point has been from the drains and bandages — the drain sites getting sore or just randomly starting to sting, waking up feeling suffocated by the ace bandages, etc. it’s not because anything is wrong with them — the drains weren’t placed wrong and the bandages aren’t too tight, they’re just a huge pain in the ass to deal with 24/7. i can’t express how much i’m looking forward to getting the drains out and being able to take binder breaks because it’ll make things so much more comfortable.

my incisions are connected in the middle because my chest tissue was all really close together, and the part where the incisions connect is really the only part where i’ve felt any pain so far. i suspect it’s because the swelling on either side is making that part of the incision push together and press against itself, and then the binder pushes on it even more. it’s not a severe pain at all, but i do sometimes lift the center of the bandage off my chest for a second to give that spot a bit of a break.

i’ve already started getting some of the weird sensations associated with nerves reconnecting, and it definitely is wild. so far, it’s been mostly tingly feelings, sometimes like chills and sometimes more like a limb falling asleep. (weird observation: taking a shit makes my ribs tingle? i’ve got no good explanation for that one.) i’ve gotten a zap on one side and some buzzing feelings too. it’s pretty mild right now, probably because it’s so early on.

i’ve also gotten what i would describe as phantom boob feelings, especially on the first night. specifically, when i close my eyes, sometimes i’ll feel like someone is touching or jiggling the boobs i don’t have anymore. definitely not a super pleasant experience, but i think being out of it from the anesthesia still really helped me not be too upset by the worst of it. i’ve gotten a couple little phantom nipple touches too, but those were just split second blips of sensation that were far less bothersome in comparison.

i never realized that the classic post-op hunch is caused more by the binder than by the body itself, but we had to take all of my bandages off the night after my surgery to send pictures of something to my surgeon, and i was shocked by how much straighter i could sit with everything off. i was definitely still hunched, but it was more like a natural slouch and less like i looked like i was using an invisible walker. with the binder on, it’s super uncomfortable for me to try to stand straight at all because it feels like the ace bandage doesn’t come with my body and just drags everything down, and i’m always holding my mastectomy pillow or my hands to my chest while i walk around to stop it from feeling like gravity is going make the bandage tear my chest open.

every so often, when things are getting especially painful or uncomfortable or just generally difficult, i do start to wonder if i made the right choice. not because i regret getting rid of those things — not by a long shot — but because it’s a fucking hard process to go through. this is probably the hardest thing for me to admit, but the rational part of my mind knows it’s natural to feel that way once in a while. all of this is temporary and the relief from dysphoria will be permanent, but right now? this is my entire world and it doesn’t feel particularly temporary and i do have moments of “why do i have to go through all this when other people get to just have the right body from the start? why couldn’t i just live with what i had? why can’t i just be living my normal life right now?” no matter how sure you are of your choice, no matter how proud you are of being trans, this shit is hard and it’s okay to feel that.

i’m going to put the pictures of my chest one day post-op under the cut, because i think it’s pretty rare to see pictures from that soon after the surgery. they’re not gorey at all — the actual incisions are totally covered by steri strips and everything around them is clean — but still, if you don’t want to see relatively fresh surgery results, don’t look under the cut.

for all the discomfort and pain and limitations and other weirdness of recovery, every time i look at these pictures it reminds me of exactly why i’m doing all of this, and i’m so glad i kept fighting for this for so long. some people might never understand why someone would choose to go through this whole process, but i know it’ll be worth it in the end.

here’s my chest one day post-op! i think it looks super good and my surgeon said it looks like it’s healing perfectly (as much as it can be healing at one day). for reference, my chest was a DDD/F before surgery. i know this isn’t how my chest will look in the end, but i’m already thrilled with how things are turning out! i’ve truly never been more confident in my choice of surgeon — like, come on! look at that! she did so good!

[nights-legacy]

Long Locks & Soft Moments - Shiggy x Reader

Main Masterlist ~ MHA Masterlist ~ MHA #2

1003 words

Warnings: none.

+ A rare soft moment with Tomura where he's playing video games and you can't help but play with his hair.

Days have been quiet for a while. Everyone had been laying low for a while. A lot of the league had been injured to the point that there was no choice but to take rest. Including Tomura and myself. Tomura and I had hid out at a little place I had in a quiet part of the city.

I woke up from a nap on a rainy day. I could hear Tomura in the room with me along with the muted sounds of some war game I couldn't place. I rolled over and saw him sitting next to the bed with his back to me with his headset on.

"Idiots..." I heard him mutter. I smiled at his quietness. Normally, he is very loud when gaming but he was being quiet for me. I laid there comfortably and just watched him. I watched as his fingers flew around his controller. He was so focused. I couldn't see his face but I zeroed in on the movement of his hair. It has gotten so long. I just wanted to play with it.

"Mmm." I hummed as I stretched a bit. I propped my head up on my hand and looked at the time. It was nearly 7pm and I knew he wouldn't have eaten yet.

"Damn." He suddenly snapped. I saw him flinch at his own volume. I stayed silent and quickly laid back down and closed my eyes. I heard a sigh of relief leave him and kept myself from laughing.

I slowly sat up and crawled up behind him. I settled down behind him. I gently ran my hands up his shoulders to his neck, pulling his silvery hair back. He jumped and cursed under his breath.

"Jeez, you scared me." He looked back at me. He pushed the headset off of one ear. "Did you sleep well and did I wake you?"

"Yes I slept well and no you didn't wake me." I leant down and nosed the nape of his neck before kissing it. I felt his hand cup my head and he kissed the side of my head. "Are you playing co-op?"

"No." I nodded and straightened up. I gently slipped his headset off and turned them off. The sound of the game filled the room and Toma quickly turned it down a little bit. I began to brush the knots out of his hair with my fingers.

"Let me know if I pull too hard." I said softly.

"Why? You know I like that." I scoffed and he chuckled. We sat in silence as I played with hair. I heard soft sounds coming from him. At one point he had to pause his game before he melted into my touch. I giggled at him.

"Your hair has gotten so long." I mumbled as I began to massage and scratch his head. He groaned out loud and I smiled. He set aside his controller and laid his arms back on the bed.

"Fuck, baby. Maybe I should keep it this long if you do this more often." I bit my lip at his moans. His voice was raspier than normal, sending shivers down my spine. I reached forward and cupped his chin, taking his head back.

"Simmer down, boy." I kissed him. He cupped the back of my head, holding me to him. I finally got to pull away and went back to playing with his hair. I began to part the strands and French braided his hair. I tied it off and leant back to admire my work.

"You're very distracting." He said. I chuckled and began to rub his shoulders. Another guttural groan escaped his lips.

"Go back to your game. I'm going to go get us some food. I know you haven't eaten." I went to get up but in a fast movement, I was on my back with Tomura on top of me.

"Not so fast. I want a little more attention from you." He whispered into my ear. I gasped as he ravaged my neck. I grabbed onto his shirt. I felt the end of his braid that had fallen over his shoulder tickling my chest and giggled.

"Tomura..." I tilted my head to give him more room. He leant on his forearms on either side of me, caging me in. He wedged a leg between my thighs.

"Fuck baby." He pressed his knee into the apex of my thighs. I groaned, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth. I hooked my leg that wasn't pinned beneath him around his waist. I rocked against his leg.

"All because I played with your hair?" I huffed as he pulled away. I reached up and lightly tugged on the braid. He groaned and closed his eyes.

"Anything you do could, to be honest." He huffed before snaking his arm under my back. He went to arch my back while I kissed his neck but he accidentally caught some stitches on my side. I gasped in pain against his neck.

"Shit." He quickly put me back down and pulled back. He shimmied up my shirt to check the wound.

"Damn. It's bleeding a bit." He was up and off the bed in a nano-second. He came back into the room with some supplies. I sat up so he could clean it. We sat in silence for a bit until the sound of his stomach rumbling. I turned to look at him.

"Told ya."

"Shut up." He grumbled with a roll of his eyes but he had a smile on his face. "Let me finish and we'll get some food. You've been tired a lot lately, I didn't want to wake you up."

"Okay." I said softly as I watched him. He poked his tongue out in concentration, and I giggled, twirling the end of his braid between my fingers. This was something that nobody has ever seen. He may be the worst villain out there, but right here, he was just your soft, loving man.

Tag List: @iris-shihabi @cl0verbby @lilparcheesie @keigos-baby-bird @evilunicorns4minions

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

My new favorite thing on tumblr.com is the discourse around how hard it is to leave the order you guys, they leave their members ‘with no life skills’ etc etc, ONLY THE CLOTHES ON THEIR BACKS, it’s so darlingly melodramatic that I’m low-key picturing some kind of ritualistic drumming out ceremony, possibly involving the knights chanting ‘shame,’ ‘shame,’ ala game of thrones, while every single council member gazes down upon them from on high, faces carved from judgmental stone, culminating in the poor sod spending their first night in rags sleeping at the foot of the temple steps,

okay, I am getting distracted. What I’m actually amusing myself with is picturing what Ahsoka, 16 years of age, can put on her CV. It’s a lot. Now I hate CVs so like I’m not about to write up hers but. It includes military command, references from at least two GALACTIC SENATORS who worked with her, references from at least two HEADS OF STATE. Engineering, piloting, teaching, combat, military command, special ops, investigation, geo-politics....... She is 16. This is an objectively insane CV.

Her level of education is so respected that a head of state invited her to guest lecture at their top academy when she was 14, to kids her own age, and she was poised and confident throughout. Her schooling gets outright called out as privileged by her coruscanti friends. Also like, please let me know when the standard US high school curriculum comprehensively covers shit like astronavigation.

Every time she is depicted with non-jedi kids her age she is depicted as generally more worldly and prepared than them. The mandalorian kids. Lux, Trace, etc. She’s never encountered deathwatch or the Pikes directly before she’s rescuing her friends from them, but she immediately knows what’s up because she is simply. Well informed. Unlike her friends. It’s not like she doesn’t also learn things from them in these episodes, but. She just knows a lot.

She also left the order with at a minimum multiple contacts in the senate, a friendship with the king of Mon Calamar (I think?) and the duchal family of mandalore, as well as some shadier contacts.

(Now it’s true that tcw never answered, or even asked, what kind of financial or otherwise situation the temple itself provides to help a jedi who wants out to find their feet. That’s not a question you can ask in Ahsoka’s case without also asking: where the hell was Padme’s support? Why wasn’t Ahsoka sleeping on her couch? That’s her sister-in-law! Actually this is a trick question because Ahsoka tells Anakin she needs to figure this out on her own. Without the council, and without him. So we’ll never know. Until disney churns out yet more content that may or may not contradict previous content.)

(Absolute props to Ahsoka that is 100% what I would have done at 16. That’s just what being 16 is like. Bad things happen and then GOODBYE I AM PUTTING A SANDWICH IN A HANKERCHIEF AND TYING IT TO A STICK AND WALKING INTO THE SUNSET I AM GOING MY OWN WAY I WILL SLEEP ROUGH I WILL GO WHERE THE WIND BLOWS THIS WORLD IS STRANGE AND CRUEL AND I MUST RELY ON MYSELF GOODBYE)

(and obviously like canonically the door was 100% open to her returning, anytime she saw them they were like so... any chance you’re done with your walkabout?... we still have your room ready... your frog grandpa feels so bad he literally had a bad trip vision quest where you were like dying and asking him why he abandoned you and we had to commit him he is very sad. except maybe we’re not actually going to say this because that would sound like a guilt trip.. but... lightsabers ? :3)

(Generally the disaster lineage are a deeply ridiculous dataset. When Obi Wan was contemplating leaving the order he was contemplating becoming the Duke-Consort of Mandalore. Anakin not only married money but was offered a job by the Chancellor at 12 (comics). I mean ANAKIN RUN but also imagine being 12 and the president of the galaxy says well if you don’t like it with your dad I’ll give you a job)

Ultimately when Ahsoka left she tripped and fell into job as a mechanic, immediately found herself bailing her new boss out of trouble, and was headhunted like a week later to be on the command team for a counter coup of a whole system. She was still 16. The rest of us can only aspire to these kinds of job opportunities.

[cyberrose2001]

cockwarming op while he works and this mf acts like he's doing NOTHING wrong even when he's stroking your thighs and or breasts, he still looks concentrated in his work while ur trying to be good. if you move too much he'll just stare down at you silently with that look in his eyes which normally would make you stop but if you keep going at it and start whining and begging him for at least something he'll speak only once by saying "if you keep misbehaving, i'll truly give you something to cry about." and by that he means threaten to leave you empty without his spike and while he doesn't exactly want you off of him cause his spike is so warm and snug inside of you, he does have to teach you a lesson. not wanting to feel empty you frantically nod and try to stay still again, and he smiles proudly as he goes back to work, his fondling of your breasts or thighs continuing as well making it much harder for you. still you manage to behave until he's finally done, to which his other servo wraps around your waist and he whispers in your ear, "see? that wasn't so hard now was it? now we can both have our fun."

YEEEEAAA COCK WARMING OP!!

Imagine him propped up against the head of the berth, one data pad in one servo and the other kneading into your thigh. Optimus would keep your legs spread wide with his own, making you feel so much fuller. His thick spike twitches a few times against your very tight walls, the very tip of it pressing agonisingly against your sweet spot.

You want to move, holy fuck. You need to move. But as soon as you try to get any sort of friction, he grips your hips so hard you’re forced to stop, and somehow you sink deeper. He shushes your whines with a kiss on the crown of your head.

“Settle, Y/n,” Optimus coaxed you to rest your back against his chassis with a servo splayed against your stomach, and he could feel his spike nestled in you, “You must learn patience. If you proceed to misbehave, I do not think you will enjoy your punishment.”

[desert-fern]

A Gun Amongst Daggers - Jake “Hangman” Seresin X Fem!Navy Seal Reader

Part 9: Glowing in the Dark

Summary: When Jake meets a woman at the Hard Deck, the last thing he expects is for her to be a Navy Seal. And not just any Seal, the Commander of Seal Team 3. She’s beautiful, smart, dangerous, and everything about her just makes him want to get close. Her name? Bear. When the Seals need backup, Cyclone puts the Daggers on their radar and now, Jake has to work with Bear and her team, all the while trying to stay professional. Can he do it? Or will he end up falling for the Navy sniper and mission Commander?

A/N: Chapter title is from the song Glowing in the Dark by The Girl and The Dreamcatcher.

MINORS DO NOT ENGAGE! 18+ ONLY. MINORS & BLOGS WITH NO AGE/EMPTY BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

Warnings: large knife (not actually used, it's just there), should just be pure fluff and filler

Word Count: 2.4k

Masterlist >> Part 8 >> Part 10

===

The day flew by. By the time night fell, Bear’s team were passed out in their beds, trying desperately to get enough sleep to tide them over for the next few days ahead of them. The cool night air beat back the heat of the desert as Bear crept past the other rooms to sit out on the fire escape, allowing herself just to sit and breathe, releasing the tension in her body. 

The lights from the base cast long dark shadows across the pavement. From where she sat, Bear could see the lights in distant buildings slowly shutting off, people leaving offices, conference rooms and emerging from wherever they had hidden themselves away during the day. A stream of voices rose up as she watched a group of mechanics leave a hangar in the distance, joy and playfulness in full expression, even if she couldn’t make out what they were saying. It brought her a sense of peace the longer Bear sat out on the fire escape, watching lights flicker on, beating back the growing shadows. 

She didn’t know how long she had been sitting outside when the door she had propped open swung out suddenly, startling her. “Hey.” 

Whipping her head around, her hand clutching onto the large knife she carried with her, Bear saw that it was just the blond pilot who had haunted her every waking hour. “Jesus Christ Flyboy, don’t you know any better? I could have seriously hurt you,” she admonished, muscles relaxing slightly. 

“Sorry,” Jake replied. “I didn’t mean to. I just saw the door open and figured that I should close it. You okay?” 

Bear shook her head, scoffing a little at his words. “I’m fine, but I swear to God Jake, don’t do that again,” she warned him, finally taking a moment to take in his appearance. “How are you holding up? I know that Mav really put you all through the paces today.” When he gave her a curious look, Bear shrugged before replying “We share our plans for training with each other. It keeps us on the same page.” 

Jake nodded. He had been distracted for most of the day, thinking about the woman in front of him. How she could take control of almost any situation, how her voice had sounded through his headset, the look she had given him, all wide eyed and surprised when they had been goofing around in her room. Everything about her made him crazy. “Mind if I sit?” 

“Sure, why not?” Bear shuffled over a little, making room for the man to fold himself up and sit next to her. “Are you okay?” 

He took a deep breath. “Yeah, for the most part. Just trying to make sense of everything,” Jake admitted. “I’ve done mission assists before, but just how big this one actually is, is a lot to wrap my head around.” 

Nudging his arm with hers, Bear smiled. “I get it. Even I have the same thoughts before some of these assignments. This is a big operation. Bigger than anything I’ve done in a long time. Three targets in one place? It’s practically unheard of.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. A standard op is usually one major target or a few lower levels. Nothing like this.”

“Are you scared?” 

Bear chuckled. “If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be human.” She glanced over at the man next to her, smiling softly. “Are you?” 

“Scared or human?” Jake teased lightly, knocking shoulders with her. She huffed, shaking her head, but he could just make out the sparkling glee in her eyes. “Don’t ever breathe a word of this to anyone because I will make you regret it, but yeah, I think I’m scared too.” 

“Will you now?” Bear grinned, the expression sobering a little. “Can I ask why? Or will you ‘make me regret this’ one too?” 

The man beside her took a deep breath. “Is it weird if I don’t know why?”

“Nope.” 

They sat in silence for a while, each savoring the closeness they had to one another and the peace that the fire escape gave them. Bear snuck a glance at Jake, only to find that he was already watching her. She shot him a wink, turning back to gaze out at the few buildings in the distance, only visible due to the powerful lights scattered throughout the base itself. The general calm settled her. It gave her respite from the chaos in her mind, her thoughts had been circling like vultures all day and just being here, present in the moment soothed her like a balm. 

Jake was the first to break the silence. “So how is it that you know so much about me and other than what we talked about weeks ago on the beach, I know next to nothing about you?” 

“Because you never asked?” Bear replied, laughing a little. She turned her body towards him, crossing her legs up under herself. “What did you want to know?” 

“I don’t know, anything you want to tell me.” 

“Well, that’s specific as fuck,” she teased. 

Jake laughed, eyes dancing with the same humor and light she knew had lit up her own. “Fair enough. Fair enough. Umm…it just clued in that I don’t actually know your name. What is it?” 

Bear bit her lip, stifling her giggle. “I’m that mysterious, huh?” He gave her a flat stare that just made her laugh louder. “Fine,” she gave in, before telling him. She watched as Jake repeated it back to her, grinning as he did. 

“Why are you grinning?” 

“Because it suits you.” 

Bear’s face split into a grin. “Thanks, I got it for my birthday.” 

Jake groaned, dropping his head to his chest as he shook with laughter. He could feel Bear chuckling from where her shoulders touched his. “That was terrible,” he said after his laughter stopped. “Like really terrible.” 

“Well now you know what my sense of humor is,” came her reply. She was quiet for a long moment before softly saying “It’s nice actually talking to you. The real you. Not the jerk you pretend to be.” 

He paused. “How do you know it’s pretend?” The question was hesitant, almost like he couldn’t believe that someone could see past how he carried himself. 

Bear shuffled closer, pressing her side to his. “Because I see you. I’ve seen the way you act around other pilots, around people who know the reputation.” She hummed, trying to find the words to explain it. “I guess I don’t really know, ya know? All I know is how you choose to carry yourself, and if I can have more than one side of myself, why can’t you?” 

Jake turned to look at the woman next to him. She wasn’t looking at him, seemingly embarrassed by her words. “Teddy?” 

“Yeah?” she managed to squeak out. 

“Thanks for not treating me like I’m not…you know.” The usual confidence and swagger in his voice had been replaced by a soft tone, one that seemed fearful of judgment. 

Meeting his eyes, Bear nodded. Her heart raced as she gazed upon his face, taking note of every freckle, every little thing that made Jake so uniquely Jake. It would be so easy, she thought, to just lean over and press her lips to his, so easy to act on the feelings that rippled in the diminishing space between them. Her eyes fluttered closed, slowly withdrawing herself from where she’d leaned in. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I just… I can’t just…” 

“I know.” 

A small pause before Bear replied “I wish it was different.” 

“I do too,” Jake whispered, leaning back against the building. It took everything in him to not say “Fuck it” and kiss her, but rules were rules. Bear could be dismissed from her position, or worse and he would never be the cause of that. In the end, it was her choice, her decision and regardless of how Bear chose, Jake promised himself that he would be happy with it. Because a life without her presence would be incredibly boring. “God Teddy, I wish that so much about this situation was different.” 

“Yeah.” She looked ashamed of her actions, curled in on herself, fiddling with the knife beside her as she tried to push her feelings away. An action that was becoming increasingly difficult the longer she spent with Jake. A few deep breaths later, Bear turned back to him. “God, why do we do this to ourselves?” 

He huffed a laugh. “Because both of us were trained to be the best of the best, so that’s what we want and look for. I think. I kinda just made that up.” 

It was her turn to laugh. “That sounds about right. I really want to not focus on the sad shit right now because how the fuck am I supposed to lead my team if I have this conversation roaming through my head at every moment?” 

“If that is what it takes for me to know that you feel the same, then I encourage it,” Jake joked, grinning widely as she rolled her eyes. 

“Be serious.” 

“I am.” 

Another eye roll. “Let’s get off this topic, please?” Bear finally looked back at him, and Jake swore his heart stopped. Her eyes glimmered in the dark, the minimal light creeping out from the hallway shining on her. She looked soft, comfortable, something he’d only seen once at her home and Jake swore never to forget it. 

“Fine, but only because you said please,” Jake teased, bumping her arm with his. 

“People do what I tell them to because I have a few more bars and medals on my whites, I don’t usually need to say please,” Bear replied, her tone full of humor.

Jake shot her a wink. “I’ll make sure to remember that.” 

This man would be the death of her. “Gross.” 

The classic Seresin smirk flashed across his face. But she cut him off with a look that reminded him of the look Phoenix gave him sometimes when he was being a dick. So Jake kept his mouth shut and wiggled his eyebrows to make her giggle. “So, borrowing a question from my niece, what’s your favorite dinosaur?” 

Bear gave him a confused look. “What kind of question is that?” 

“My 4 year old niece asks that question to everyone she meets. I figured I’d give it a try,” Jake told her, shrugging. “So I’ll say it again, what’s your favorite dinosaur?” 

“Oh god. Umm… I might have to say either a Velociraptor or an Ankylosaurus. You?” 

Jake grinned at her. “One, the fact that you could name two is impressive. Two, I’m going to have to tell you that the only right answer in her mind is the Stegosaurus or the Mosasaurus, but I have always preferred pterodactyls.” 

“And you became a pilot, how original…” Bear teased. “Let me guess, you loved planes as a kid too?” 

“Sort of? I liked all kinds of things,” he replied. “I’m pretty sure I jumped back and forth between firefighter, football player, or pilot for most of my childhood.” 

She gave him an indecipherable look. “Somehow those make sense for you.” 

“Really? Even the football player?” 

“Especially that one.” 

His green eyes narrowed, but the playful gleam that had been in his eyes from the start still remained. “I’m not sure I like where that is headed, Miss Teddy.” 

“Too bad, Mr. Flyboy,” she replied, an innocent look taking over the teasing grin. “You are just going to have to deal with it.” 

“You wound me, darlin’.” 

“Better you than me. Is it my turn to ask a question?” 

“If you want to, although I’d be surprised if you didn’t already know the answer,” he said, a teasing look in his eye. 

“Shut up. Anyways, how many siblings do you have?” 

“Four. Two older, two younger.” 

Bear cringed a little. “Your poor mother must be a saint if all of your siblings are as bullheaded as you.” 

“Where do you think we got it from?” 

She gave him a curious look. “Fair enough. It would take a stubborn woman to raise you,” Bear teased, bumping his arm. “I kid, I kid. But she sounds wonderful.” 

“She really is,” Jake told her with a faraway look in his eyes. “I owe a lot to her.” 

“I’m sure you do,” she replied. “What about your siblings?” 

“What about them?” 

She shrugged. “I don’t know, what are they like?” 

Humming in thought, Jake looked over at her. “Well, it’s two boys, three girls total. My brother Lewis has two kids, the niece with the dinosaur question is his daughter,” he began before going off on a tangent and telling her all about his siblings. Jake told her how his youngest sister had a scar on her nose from running into a door, he told her about his childhood pets and she listened patiently, chiming in every so often with another question. 

Jake fell silent after a while, sneaking a glance towards the Seal. He met her gaze and grinned as her face split into a yawn. “We really should be going to bed. It’s going to be a long few days,” Bear said softly. 

“Probably a good idea. Can’t have the Commander dozing off in the final briefing, not a good look,” Jake replied. He sat up, stretching, letting out a groan as his shoulders popped. 

Bear flushed a little at the sound, pushing away the thoughts that sprung to mind. “Definitely not a good look,” she agreed. 

By this point, Jake had maneuvered his way up, holding out a hand to help her up, which she took without hesitation. The force of him helping her up was a little too much as she had to brace herself against him, her palms coming to rest flat on his broad chest and she felt his breathing hitch. “Sorry,” she murmured, risking a glance up at his face. His bright green eyes were on her, pupils dilated. 

Clearing his throat, he stepped back, steadying her. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“I’m just gonna…” She pointed to the door, snatching up the knife and slipping through the open door, leaving Jake alone with his thoughts.

“Pull yourself together,” the blonde man mumbled, rubbing his face before walking through the open door, shutting it behind him. God, these next few days would be long. 

But he didn’t know how much truth there actually was to that last statement.

===

A/N: We are 2 chapters out from the actual mission! Thank you to @startrekfangirl2233 @sarahsmi13s and @dakotakazansky for proof-reading and yelling at me.

Taglist: @startrekfangirl2233 @sarahsmi13s @dakotakazansky @horseshoegirl @roosters-girl @lovinglyeternal @lavenderbradshaw @roosterforme @bobby-r2d2-floyd @bradleybeachbabe @twsssmlmaa @footprintsinthesxnd @fandomxpreferences @dempy @gizmodear @fighterpilothoe @eli2447 @chaoticassidy @iwantmyredvelvetcupcake @djs8891 @rhirhikingston @sisterslytherinog @impossiblebagelcowboyfreak @thegoddessc @sgt-barnesveins @taytaylala12 @urmom-999 @formulapierre @pinkpantheris

*As usual, lmk if you want to be added or removed from the taglist*

[crusherthedoctor]

It really is not just annoying, but also somewhat sad, that IDW characters can never have a meaty role without shamelessly upstaging a game character. It's the ultimate play of insecurity.

Tangle gets touted as the Sonic Female of All Time while the crewmembers drag the game females through the mud.

Whisper gets randomly fawned over by Silver and Jet of all guys.

Lanolin humiliates Silver and treats him like a child.

Rough and Tumble are too much for Cream the OP to handle.

Starline was hyped up for an extended period as Eggman's superior (no, his final fate did not undo sitting through his agonizing "Sonic VS Eggman is routine" soapboxing).

Surge is being hyped up for even longer as the most badass villain and the most badass character period, despite having absolutely nothing of merit to show for it.

Is it really that hard to find a middle ground? I get you want your character(s) to do big things and be a legitimate part of the cast instead of sitting in the background with their thumbs twiddling, but this is not the way to do it. Trip was only recently introduced to the series, and she found her place just fine. She didn't need to effortlessly beat up Sonic in concept art in order to earn her stripes. She didn't need her creators to brag that she would improve Forces through her mere presence in order to cement her value.

Look. I talk a lot about Trudy. I talk a lot about her role in my fic, her interactions, her dynamics, her abilities, her quirks, all that good stuff. I take her role in the story quite seriously, and in an age where it's become taboo to have your OC do literally anything with the game cast (because overcorrection), I've stuck to my guns and made her a big part of the fic.

But - and this is a big but - none of this comes at the cost of the other characters, or the story as a whole. Sonic is still Sonic, and acts as you'd expect from him. Tails is still Tails, and isn't dismissed by the narrative as a mere sidekick to prop up Trudy as the "true" hero by comparison. Amy is still her bubbly self, not morphed into a Sally clone. Cream is still capable, despite her youth and innocence, and her bond with Trudy doesn't reduce her to literal baby. Eggman treats Trudy no differently from the rest of the cast, and he sure as hell doesn't show any fear at the prospect of facing her. Stellar is not little more than The Trudy Show: it's Sonic's latest adventure in a new land that Trudy happens to be tagging along for, and how he leaves an impression on her. Just like Unleashed did with Chip, and Secret Rings did with Shahra, among other examples.

Even Sonudis, for as Never Going To Happen In Canon For Very Obvious Reasons as it is, is still made with the mentality of not only what Sonic himself is actually like in canon, but the others too. It's not a shallow bait that exists solely to exist, it's something I took seriously in regards to how it could potentially work without sacrificing Sonic's official characterization. Is it a fanfic cliche? Is it self-indulgent? Maybe, but writing fanfic in general is inherently self-indulgent. The sooner you accept that, the better. But as fanfic-y as some concepts may be, I still try to portray them as naturally and as faithfully as I can in respect to the games that spawned this franchise. That includes not reducing Sonic to a lap dog with no independence or backbone.

You can make your character important, and even give them a risky role if you're daring, without disrespecting the game cast and what they contribute to the franchise.

[kp777]

By Lynn Paramore, Institute for New Economic Thinking

Common Dreams

May 15, 2024

Shameful fact: the plight of U.S. retirees is a global exception. In their pursuit of lower taxes, America’s wealthiest individuals support policies that make it extremely difficult for seniors to manage the increasing costs of healthcare, housing, and basic necessities. Not so in other rich countries like Germany, France, and Canada, where robust public pensions and healthcare systems offer retirees stability and dignity. After a lifetime of hard work, older citizens in the U.S. find their reward is merely scraping by, as savings diminish under the weight of soaring medical costs in the most expensive healthcare system in the developed world.

The solution from America’s elites? Suck it up and work longer.

An example of this mindset appeared in a New York Times op-ed by C. Eugene Steuerle of the Urban-Brookings Tax Policy Center and Glenn Kramon, a Stanford Business School lecturer. The two accused older folks of robbing economic resources from the young through Social Security and Medicare—never mind that workers fund these programs with their own lifelong payroll contributions. They paint a picture of 65-year-old Americans jauntily playing “pickleball daily” and jet-setting “far and wide,” proposing to increase the age to collect Social Security and Medicare benefits, essentially forcing future retirees to work longer. (Curiously, they overlook how this move robs young people—too young to vote—of future retirement years. This echoes 1983, when the Reagan administration and Congress pushed the Social Security age from 65 to 67, impacting Gen X before they could even vote on it).

Steuerle and Kramon prop up their plan with studies that extol the health and wellbeing perks of working into old age, adding that “each generation lives longer” and therefore, it’s a patriotic duty for the elderly to stay on the job.

Are we all really living longer? Let’s first point out that Princeton economists Anne Case and Angus Deaton, noted for their research in health and economics, recently showed that many Americans are not, in fact, enjoying extended lives. As they stated in their own New York Times op-ed, those without college degrees are “scarred by death and a staggeringly shorter life span.” According to their investigation, the expected lifespan for this group has been falling since 2010. By 2021, people without college degrees were expected to live to about 75, nearly 8.5 years shorter than their college-educated counterparts.

Overall life expectancy in America dropped in 2020 and 2021, with increases in mortality across the leading causes of death and among all ages, not just due to COVID-19. In August 2022, data confirmed that Americans are dying younger across all demographics. Again, the U.S. is an outlier. It was one of two developed countries where life expectancy did not bounce back in the second year of the pandemic.

So the argument that everyone is living longer greatly stretches the truth—unless, of course, you happen to be rich: A Harvard study revealed that the wealthiest Americans enjoy a life expectancy over a decade longer than their poorest counterparts.

Could the idea that working into our seventies and beyond boosts our health and well-being hold true? Obviously, for those in physically demanding roles, such as construction or mining, prolonged work is likely to lead to a higher risk of injury, accidents, and wearing down health-wise. But what about everybody else? What if you have a desk job? Wouldn’t it be great to get out there, do something meaningful, and interact with people, too?

Perhaps it’s easy for people like Steuerle and Kramon to imagine older people working in secure, dignified positions that might offer health benefits into old age – after all, those are the types of positions they know best.

But the reality is different. Economist Teresa Ghilarducci, a professor at the New School for Social Research, focuses on the economic security of older workers and flaws in U.S. retirement systems in her new book, Work, Retire, Repeat: The Uncertainty of Retirement in the New Economy. She calls those praising the health perks of working longer “oddballs” – those fortunate folks in cushy positions who have a lot of autonomy and purpose. Like lawmakers or tenured professors, for example.

She points out that academic researchers often base their theories about the benefits of working longer on a hypothetical person who just tacked on a few extra years in the same position, noting that researchers often make the faulty assumption that people are not only living longer, but can also easily choose to work longer, keep their jobs without facing pay cuts, and continue stacking up savings into later life.

That’s not really how it plays out in real life for most folks. Ghilarducci found that most people don’t actually get to decide when they retire, noting that “the verb ‘retire’ isn’t a verb that really belongs to the agency of the worker – it’s the employers’ choice.” Retirement often means somebody above you telling you it’s time to go. You’re ousted—laid off or pushed out because your productivity’s slipping or your skills are aging like last year’s tech. Or simply because of biases against older workers. Age discrimination is a huge issue, with two-thirds of job seekers aged 45 to 74 reporting it. In fact, people trying to find a job say they encounter significant biases as early as age 35. For the high-tech and entertainment industries, this is particularly true.

So there’s that.

There’s also the fact that continuing to work in an unfulfilling job might be hazardous to your health. The reality is, a lot of us are grinding in jobs that are stressful and insecure, and that constant stress ties into a whole host of health issues — hypertension, heart problems, messed up digestion, and a weaker immune system, not to mention it can kickstart or worsen mental health troubles like depression and anxiety.

Many are stuck in what anthropologist David Graeber memorably dubbed “bullshit jobs” — roles that feel meaningless and draining. Graeber described these jobs as a form of ‘spiritual violence,’ and found them linked to heightened anxiety, depression, and overall misery among workers. His research found strong evidence that seeing your job as useless deeply impacts your psychological well-being.

The link between job dissatisfaction and poor health has been found to be significant in study after study. Unrewarding work can demotivate people from staying active, eating well, or sleeping regularly, potentially leading to obesity, type 2 diabetes, and other health issues. In contrast, retiring from such a job could free up time and energy for wellness activities, enjoyable hobbies, and a healthier lifestyle overall.

Ghilarducci points out that reward-to-effort ratios, crucial for job satisfaction, are declining due to factors like stagnant real wages. She also highlights the problem of subordination, explaining that it can be “lethal” to remain in a job where you lack control over the content or pace of your work. According to her, such factors can lead to higher morbidity and lower mortality rates.

Okay, what about social engagement? That’s crucial for seniors, right? True, but demanding or unfulfilling jobs can make it hard to find the time and energy to socialize, leading to isolation and loneliness, which are major factors in declining mental health and quality of life for the elderly.

Also, when talking about delaying retirement, we can’t ignore cognitive decline. Sure, working longer might keep your mind sharp if the job is stimulating. However, research indicates the opposite for dull jobs. Florida State University researchers found that not only can tedious work accelerate cognitive decline, leading to increased stress and reduced life satisfaction, but “dirty” work does as well. They show that jobs in unclean environments with exposure to chemicals, mold, lead, or loud noises significantly impact brain health as we age.

Even university professors can suffer the effects of dirty jobs: North Carolina State University has recently come under fire for knowingly keeping faculty and staff working for decades in a building contaminated with PCBs, resulting in dire health consequences, including nearly 200 cases of cancer among those exposed.

Finally, it’s not a coincidence that those talking about raising the age for Social Security and Medicare are usually white men. They would suffer less from it than women, especially women of color. Women typically outlive men but earn less over their lifetimes, which already means smaller Social Security checks. It’s even tougher for Black women who often earn way less than their white peers and are more likely to have unstable jobs with skimpy benefits. Plus, women frequently take breaks from their careers for caregiving, shaving off years of paid work and further slicing their Social Security benefits. Pushing the retirement age higher forces women, especially Black women, to either toil longer in poor-quality jobs or retire without enough funds, making them more vulnerable to poverty and health problems as they get older.

Ghilarducci observes that for women in low-paying jobs with little control and agency, “working longer can really hasten their death, and the flip side of that is that retirement for these women really helps them.”

Bottom line: The whole “work longer, live healthier” spiel doesn’t fly for most. In the U.S., the well-off might be milking the joys of extended careers, but lower-income folks, particularly women and people of color, often endure the slog of thankless jobs that negatively impact their health and well-being. Elites shout from their comfortable positions that we need to push retirement further back as if it’s the magic fix to all economic woes. But when such people fantasize about happy seniors thriving at work, they’re missing the harsh reality many face—painful, boring, insecure jobs that speed death.

The myth that we’re all living longer and healthier is just that—a myth belied by life expectancy stats showing not everyone’s in the same boat. What America desperately needs is a beefed-up, fair Social Security and Medicare system that serves all Americans, not just the ones who can afford to retire without a worry. No one should be stuck choosing between a crappy job and retiring into penury.

Yet Republicans are on the warpath against Social Security and Medicare. Senator Mike Lee has explicitly stated his goal to completely eliminate Social Security, aiming to “pull it up by the roots, and get rid of it.” His fellow Republicans are enthusiastically getting the ball rolling: House Republicans have released a new proposal to weaken Social Security by raising the retirement age. For his part, former and possible future president Donald Trump indicates a willingness to consider cuts to Medicare and Social Security, despite previously criticizing his primary rivals on the issue, who were almost wall to wall demanding drastic cutbacks.

Democratic lawmakers typically show more support for Social Security and Medicare in public, though their track record has not fully alleviated concerns about the present and future vulnerability of these programs. In his recent State of the Union speech, President Biden advocated for the expansion and enhancement of Social Security and Medicare, declaring that “If anyone here tries to cut Social Security or Medicare or raise the retirement age, I will stop them!” But it’s important to keep in mind that he supported raising the retirement age during the 1980s and again in 2005.

Polling shows that voters, whether Democrats or Republicans, do not want to cut these programs. Actually, they want to expand Social Security and Medicare. That’s because those who face the realities of daily life understand that working endlessly is a cruel and unreasonable – not to mention unhealthy — expectation that no society should endorse. The idea that America can’t afford to do this is outlandish when the evidence is so clear that American billionaires pay historically low tax rates that are now lower than those for ordinary workers. What America can’t afford is the super-wealthy and their paid representatives working the rest of us to death.

[shadeops21]

MWII Cosplay - Ghost "Urban Ops" WIP - "The Haunted" Chimera prop

[CW/TW: Pictured below is a gel blaster replica firearm. This is NOT a fully functional firearm.]

I have been working over six months now to work on replicating the same rifle that Ghost wields during the opening mission, as well as Alone & Ghost Team.

It's available in MWII Multiplayer through the blueprint known as "The Haunted", and I have managed to create a near-1:1 match of the build with a Honey Badger gel blaster.

I did have to compromise on some parts and details, and there are a couple of details that I've yet to add on but they're very minor.

Pictures below the cut!

Here's the blueprint taken from in-game:

And here is my build:

So, first things first: the handguard is a 3D printed adaptation of the in-game model. The actual handguard isn't commercially available as I don't think it exists. Discussions with a friend have concluded that it is a hybridized form that incorporates the factory handguard produced by Q and elements from the Geissele SMR handguards.

Compromises:

Game textures have it painted black and a dull green-grey colour, however I was unable to obtain a matching colour. Seeing the model in-game under lighting had it show more as a tan however, so I have opted for tan.

Front foregrip I've used is an H&K Assault Grip, as my KAC VFG is on another build of mine, and this was the closest I have to the grip used in-game (again, a fictionalised design to my knowledge). Still searching for a match however I'm coming up empty.

I've used a clone Aimpoint CompM2 instead of an Aimpoint PRO. PROs are hard to find clones of, especially in Australia. Same basic shape and silhouette though. I don't have the lens covers for it though. Same with the mount, not the exact same type unfortunately but close enough.

In-game, it's equipped with a laser aiming device. I've swapped that out for a replica Surefire Mini Scout M300C because if/when I do use this on a field, I want to be able to light up my target and see it.

I'm struggling to source black rubber bands to add around the stock's adjustment button, so I may get different colour ones or ditch them entirely.

I've gotta source pens in the right colours so I can add the "07"/"B07" marks on either side of the receiver.

May omit the strip of velcro with the little UK flag on the left upper receiver.

Either way, I'm very pleased with how this has turned out!

Let me know what you all think in the notes/reblogs!

I'm a week and a half from taking this to Supanova Brisbane!

[daniemililly]

CN suicide, political and systemic ableism

In Irish politics, we almost never had disabled people be anything more than props for use for photo ops, or to demonise as welfare cheats

In Irish politics, we talked about the hard work of our carers once in a rare while, but never the hard work of disabled people being cared for or looking after ourselves

In Irish politics, disabled people are objects of pity, and not people trying to get through our days as denizens and citizens of our country which often tells us that we do not belong here

In Irish politics, we protect the facade of a colonial era building before we'll put in a ramp or lift to let a disabled person who needs it go inside

In late 2023 a Green Paper was published on reforming payments to disabled people in ways that meant we would be under more regular surveillance, be pressured into employment services or potentially risk sanction, and be under pressure to work enough to stop receiving payments. It would also tier us depending on how disabled we could prove we are

This document was made without Disabled Persons' Organisations involved, in direct contravention of our recently won rights under the UN Convention on the Rights of People With Disabilities

It led many, including myself, to absolute despair, and I had the worst suicidal ideation I'd had in nearly six years

The only thing that kept me alive was a promise to keep fighting it alongside my fellow disabled people just for a little bit longer, but it got pretty close at times

We didn't really expect to win, but one day after seven months of fighting, we somehow did

The government backed down Disabled people will be part of any future attempts at reform

We even got the Dáil to declare that there should be non means tested, universal disability payments, even if the government is nowhere near that sort of position yet

But as much headspace as that took up, and as big as that victory was, the day to day thriving of disabled people in Ireland remains blocked by a system designed to keep taxes on corporations low and the costs of disability high

In watching the last Disability Matters Committee, there was case after case of how disabled people are being failed by the state, with the politicians on the committee hearing the stories and wondering how many more times they were going to have to hear the same things before there is action by the government

The committee has had report after report to the Dáil stating the dire problems with disabled rights in Ireland and nonetheless, the government decided to put out that Green Paper which ignored all of their recommendations and did more harm to disabled people. Nonetheless, the government have cut services and underfunded our needs

People unable to have their vehicles adapted because they didn't lose the correct limb

People left without insurance for their prosthetics

People unable to access personal assistance hours

People not able to live their lives

So I painted something to express how our politics treats our lives

It took me awhile but here it is

[A Dáil chamber with disabled supports, like mobility equipment, sensory equipment, comfort items, masks, and laptops, overturned and empty on the floor. Blood is spattered on the carpet and equipment]

[extraae]

Lottery Winning Asteroids

LOTTERY WINNING ASTEROIDS

While this isn’t an exhaustive list of asteroids that may be prominent in the charts of lottery winners and their winning charts, these are the asteroids that I worked with. They are basically in alphabetical order with the exception of the first one, Varuna, because it, along with 1996 TL66, appear to be more instrumental in the biggest wins than any of the others. I prefer a one-degree orb, but two degrees is seen more often. Find a complete list of asteroids at Astro.com. I've provided their catalog numbers for your convenience.

Varuna #20000

Hindu deity equivalent to Christian God. Supreme. The biggest, most powerful. To grow big. Like Jupiter size XXL. Too large to comprehend.

1996 TL66 #15874

Supposedly good in aspect with Eunike. (I have not found this to be the case any more often than with any other “winning asteroid," but test it for yourself.) Associated with negative energy and decline of income in transit – even the favorable ones, according to Mark Andrew Holmes, and yet, it does appear to be one of the most active asteroids associated with lottery winners who have won huge sums of money.

1998 BU48 #33128

Sometimes called Bim. “First choice in money astrology.” One proposed name is “Alastor,” one of Hades’ four horses. Hades = Pluto = “rich man” in Greek. Mark Andrew Holmes and/or Phillip Sedgwick associate it with confidence in professional pursuits, the power of money, comfortable with money, self-esteem regardless of success, flaunting success and wealth, materialism, wealth and success as a prop for self-esteem, money and capitalism as a manifestation of realistic thinking. No disrespect, but not sure I buy this. If this were the case, it should be YUUUUGE in Trump’s chart, yet it does nothing at all. It doesn’t even hit a midpoint. It does, however, appear to be active in some lottery winning charts.

2001 BL41 #63252

A/k/a Cornucopia. Horn of plenty. Endless Bounty.

Abundantia #151

Roman goddess of sudden wealth, abundance, prosperity, good fortune. Serves from a cornucopia that provides food and money endlessly.

Bacchus #2063

A/k/a Dionysus. Wine, libations, dance and good times. Known to wear leopard or tiger skin (so you might want to do the same when you buy your ticket). Protector of those who don’t belong to conventional society. Chaos, danger, frenzy, the unexpected. Unforeseeable actions of the gods. Liberator. Frees one from self-conscious fear and care and subverts the oppressive restraints of the powerful. Mad, bad and dangerous to know.

Buda # 908

A form of Buddha, or Laughing Buddha. Wealth, good luck, auspicious energy, joyful blessings.

Eunike #185

A/k/a Nike. Strength, speed, happy victory.

Eureka #5261

Archimedes first exclaimed “Eureka!” when he discovered the principle of density while trying to discern whether the goldsmith of Heiro II, King of Syracuse, was substituting silver for gold in the royal jewels. In Greek, it roughly translates to “I found it!”

In more modern times, during the California gold rush of 1849, prospectors yelled, “Eureka! I found it!” whenever they struck gold. While it’s rarely used anymore, we still know it to mean a “breakthrough” leading to wealth.

Fortuna 19 #19

The wheel of fate and fortune. Don’t confuse it with the Arabic Part of Fortune.

Gold #4955

Self-explanatory

Golden #4423

Self-explanatory

Ops #2736

Where we meet hard realities. Optimism after challenges. Hope after hard times. A brighter future.

Shreya #33188

Auspicious, best – another name for Lakshmi, Hindu goddess of wealth, fortune and prosperity.

Rockefellia #904

A form of Rockefeller. The surname of one of America’s wealthiest dynasties.

Rumpelstilz #1773

The ability to spin straw into gold.

Samadhi #12472

Deep meditation, a kind of Nirvana. A state of being out of the body, which might happen for a moment if you learned that you won a unimaginable amount of money.

Silver #5325

Self-explanatory

Tyche #258

Goddess of luck

REFERENCE - https://memphisastrology.blogspot.com/2018/05/lottery-winning-asteroids.html?m=1

[class1akids]

Obviously, I like that rage!Deku was nipped in the bud, but I also really like that Mirio did it and Deku couldn’t just calm himself down. 

Because, Izuku never worked on trying to calm himself and focus. (Like we see Shouto's training of Phosphor is a lot of meditation like practice so he's able to keep it together vs Touya makes sense), but Deku spent those same few weeks running himself ragged, driven by his emotions and not facing them. People don't (shouldn't) get skills they don't work on.

Deku's flaws actually are coming to the surface in this final arc - he still wants to do everything so he loses focus with Toga - Tsuyu has to remind him to get a grip and not waste any more time because this is their fight not his, and now he's losing his mind when he sees the consequence of him being late.

I'm glad Mirio did something intelligent here - it’s refreshing over some melodramatic misunderstandings BS. 

We are all focusing on "Deku's emotions", but it's Mirio who watched the whole team, including his boyfriend go down in brutal ways - still, he's able to think clearly and snap Deku out of his rage. Good for him. His experience and hard work at least pays off in this small way. 

Deku is still a first year, and didn't put the work into emotional control despite Banjo telling him to. So I think it's good that he's unable to do it for himself and so far others are really propping him up - Tsu and Ochako, the pilots giving him a lift, the 2nd reminding him to trust others, and now Mirio pulling him out of the Avatar state. 

He's already too OP, too morally good - let him have little flaws, let him need others to help him.  It humanizes him and gives some weight to the narrative that he couldn’t even get here on his own, not to mention fight all by himself. 

I was really worried about a rage!Deku repeat, and while the transition was a bit jarring, considering everything, this was a good way to do it. 

[cinnamon-bunni]

Once More, With Needles

Rating: T Word count: 4.3k Relationship: Gen (Medic & Scout) Warnings: Canon-typical gore (like, as much as you'd expect from Medic), body horror

Read it on Ao3!

Hey there! This fic was written for @a-scary-lack-of-common-sense's AU, their Job Switcheroo AU! I was heavily inspired by this AU and just fell in love with the characters, so of course I just had to write something <3 I decided to go with Medi-Scout and Engie-Med, as they were the first ones i fell in love with (but honestly, all of the characters are already so good <33) If you haven't, i definitely recommend checking out the AU, as well as OP's art in general! He makes some great stuff :)

I really hope you enjoy! &lt;3

Medi-Scout watched the baseball game that was played on the small TV that sat precariously on his medical cart–Boston Red Sox versus Detroit Tigers–with vague interest. In all honesty, with the way his cap was pulled down far enough that it obscured half of his view, and how he slouched in the cheap office chair with his feet propped up on his medi-pack, he was on the verge of just falling asleep due to boredom. Other than the few times the Tigers did some outrageous play against the Sox, the game really couldn’t keep his attention all that well. He was bored out of his mind–hell, he wouldn’t even mind having someone to dissect; just open them up a little bit, poke around a bit, until his boredom was cured by something else.

Thankfully, his favorite patient (read: the one who always tested his patience) knocked on the open door before letting himself in. The clicking of his boots against the cement ground had warned Medi-Scout before his voice could say anything. He raised his cap upwards a bit to see, and sure enough, Engie-Med was there, creepy-ass smile and all, and was fast approaching him.

“Germs, good morning!” the man greeted. His hands were behind his back as he approached, until he planted himself next to the operating table. The overalls he wore were drenched in dried blood–which was hard to tell, because they were already a brown color, but the splashes of red of fresher blood made it easier to tell. They’d been like that for a few days now from what Medi-Scout had seen, and he wondered how long the newly named Engineer had been working on himself. His face, other than that huge fucking smile, portrayed unease. Ludovic always seemed to know how to creep someone the fuck out. “I hope I am not interrupting anything?”

Germs’ eyes darted back to the TV. “Sorry man, but as you can see, my time is being used up with some very important work. Have a full schedule over here, if it ain’t obvious.” The sarcasm didn’t drip off of his voice, it was fucking pouring off of it.

“Good!” Ludo replied, voice ever chipper, “Because I need a medical professional to look at something for me–a bit of a problem in my hand, you see.”

Germs sat up and stretched his hands overhead. “‘Kay then, just take a seat on the table, I’ll take a look at it.” Ludo complied, lifting himself onto it, while Germs stood up to stretch his legs. The newly named Medic always did enjoy seeing what monstrosity Engie-Med would create with his own body. The man, last Germs had seen, was cutting himself open to stuff in some titanium in his body, as well as drafting blueprints for more complicated contraptions he wanted inside of him. It was interesting, in kind of a weird, fucked-up morbid way, but a part of Germs kinda enjoyed to see the work Ludo would do–even if it did always had to be him to clean up the mess.

“Alright then Ludo, lay it on me: what sorta damage did you do this time?” he asked, walking over at a leisurely pace. “Did you put some more things in that arm of yours? Let me guess–mini saw blade? Another pair of scissors? How about a can’a Bonk for me?”

Ludo laughed and shook his head. “No, I am afraid to say it is a bit more…complicated than that. You know, blood problems, things like that.”

Medi-Scout frowned, and made a motion for the other to show him his hands. “What, as in problems with circulation or somethin’? What could’ve you done that woulda done tha–holy fuck what the fuck happened to your fucking hand?” 

Ludo’s smile never faded, but more creases of worry appeared on his face. “Aheh. Well, you see, as I said: blood problems. After doing a bit of work on it last night it seems that the hand has lost blood! And a lot of it.”

A lot was an understatement. Ludo’s right hand, after what seemed to be poorly done jobs of setting and resetting the bone, was crooked from healing incorrectly. His fingernails were nothing but shortened and cracked from obvious miscare, and the cuticles were all bloody and ripped to shreds, open wounds that bled from mistreatment. There were pieces of metal that came out from underneath his skin on the back of his hand, only to dip and go back, without a doubt for the weird experimental shit that he had inside of his hand that went up all the way through his arm. All of that, however, was not the worst part. The entire right hand was shades of a darkened purple and gray. The fingers looked the worst, with a dark, almost-black color filling them instead of a normal, healthy color that a person should have. Holy fucking shit.

“What the fuck happened to the circulation? You do know you need that, right? That you need blood for your hand to work? Because it’s kinda essential for your hand to work, you moron.”

Ludo scoffed, but there was no anger in his voice, or anywhere on his face. “Of course I know I need it! That’s why I came to you!”

Germs stared at the hand for a few more seconds, then looked up to the other man. He wasn’t quite sure what emotion he was feeling, but his quiet “what the fuck” was the best explanation to what was going through his head. He gently grabbed the hand, the slow movement giving room for Ludo to say anything, before turning and examining the hand. From the wrist he could see large, horribly done stitches to keep the skin together–not from injuries or cuts that were healing, but because those were the spots the items would pop out of from his arm, and it was a way to keep it closed until he needed something like a knife to come out from the contraption that was inside of Ludo’s arm.

Germs pushed up the sleeve–he struggled a bit, the buttoned-up cuff that was too form fitting being hard to push up against the fucked up forearm, but Ludo used his other hand to properly grab onto the dress shirt sleeve and bring it all the way up to his shoulder, to where it bunched up against his red sweater vest.

The engineer’s arm wasn’t in any better condition than his hand. It was littered with long, fucked up stitches, in similar condition of his wrist. All of course were there for the same reasoning, to have a spot where the tools could come out of his arm, but jesus fuck was it hard to look at. The purple-gray tone to his arm certainly didn’t make anything better.

“Well, my guess–just a thought, by the way, just a random guess here–is that you have a bit too much shit in your arm. Just a bit.” Germs poked and prodded at the arm, feeling around the stitches. “And this stitching job is great, by the way. Better than mine, yeah?”

Ludo’s smile never faded as he crooked his head to the side. “You are being sarcastic.”

“Of course I’m being fuckin’ sarcastic! Dammit, it’s like everyone here is useless without me.” He sighed, and let go of the arm. “I don’t even know how you expect me t’fix this. Unless you already got some sorta plan-”

“I do, actually!” Germs watched with a blank stare as Ludo fished out folded up, bloodied blueprints from the front pocket of his waist apron, held down by a belt. He then held it out for the medic to grab, a friendly yet terrifying smile on his face. “I began drafting them this morning,” he said as Germs started to unfold the print, “and I finished it just a few minutes before coming here.”

The blueprints were hard to read. A mix of the folded creases, bloodied spots, and poor handwriting made Germs squint to read it. He soon realized that the majority of the writing–what he could decipher, anyway–was in German. The only English that was written went along with the circle that was around the design of the machinery and an arrow pointing at it, reading “put around + in upper arm!” which was finalized with a crudely drawn smiley face.

He looked back up at the engineer. The smile on his face was wide, and the creases of worry grew. “Well, I never said the design was well-made, but I assure you that the real thing will be better in quality. It will simply just direct more blood into my arm and hand and sort of–aheh, push its way into my hand. It will work, trust me.”

“It better,” he said, handing the blueprints back over. “I ain’t putting some faulty machinery in you because you think it might work.” But in all honesty, Germs wasn’t all that picky; he trusted Ludo, believe it or not, and if he said it was safe enough to use, then Medi-Scout wouldn’t have too much hesitancy with stuffing random shit into the man’s arm.

“So, how ‘bout this,” the medic continued. He pointed at the top of the upper arm. “I put your weird machine thingy here,” he trailed down the arm, “and all the weirdo blood-pumping-slash-forcing-blood-in lines inside. And then I can even fix up your shitty stitches for you! Free of charge.”

“Yes, how kind of you,” Ludo replied, “truly, I’d be useless without you.”

It was sarcasm, but Germs still smirked at the praise. “Yeah yeah, I’m amazing. Now go get that thingamajig already and let me see it.”

The pair worked well into the evening. Dinner had been missed, with Mikel knocking on the clinical doors and shouting that they could get leftovers in the kitchen once they were done. Ludovic yelled back in acknowledgement as he sat on the medical table, and Germs was busy opening up his arm. From his wrist all the way up to his upper arm, Medi-Scout cut him open, and Ludo only twitched a few times in pain.

“I stopped feeling things in that hand after the first few implants. Especially in the fingers,” the engineer explained with a smile. “Probably should have thought there was something wrong. Oh well!” Germs had no idea how the hell to put Ludo’s contraption into the arm. Germs kept looking for the right place to start, bringing it close to the shoulder, only to bring it back to him again. “It’s simple enough, Germs. I made it with you in mind, afterall.”

“Yeah okay, thanks chucklefuck. That makes everything easier for me.” Germs stared at the arm for a few seconds before giving a low grumble. The main module of it–a circular thing, with a clasp that let it open and close with ease, and a shit ton of wires connected to it–was supposed to be on the arm, right below the shoulder, where it could then do whatever the fuck it’s supposed to do with Ludo’s blood. The main problem Germs was finding were the wires; he was sure there was some sort of intricate way Ludo expected him to place the wires, and he didn’t want to fuck that up.

He quickly changed his mind about this in about three seconds though, as Ludo gave a quiet, “any day now, Germinoma.” So, Medi-Scout clasped it on the arm, and started shoving wires just about everywhere and anywhere he’d felt would need the blood. Which were a lot of places. Jesus fuck the arm hadn’t even bled for the whole ass five minutes it’d been open. Again: cool, but in a fucked up, morbid way.

Hooking up the blood circulation system and making sure it actually did its job was a bit of a pain in the ass. In the end the wires and other mechanical bits were just about everywhere–many pieces not so much inside of the arm anymore, but out in the open, with metal openings back into the arm and to hold them in place, where everyone could see. It was not a pretty sight, not at all; the stitches had disappeared thanks to the work of the medi-gun, but they’d only come back after a few uses of the arm. It was still a disgusting color, but they watched with bated breath, and both released it with mirroring sighs when Ludo’s arm went from a purple-gray color into a slightly less purple-gray.

Plus, his cuticles started to bleed. Which was only a good sign.

“Wonderful!” Ludo exclaimed, hopping off of the table. “Danke, my friend. You have helped me a great deal.”

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’m pretty great,” Germs said. He couldn’t help the proud smirk he had on his face–he supposed in the same way Engie-Med couldn’t help the crazed smile he always wore–and Medi-Scout, not for the first time since he picked up the job as the resident medic, felt a satisfied feeling deep in his chest. One that told him that this was right.

“Just come back over if it gives you any trouble. Or if you find some other way to fuck up your hand again.”

Ludo rolled his wrist in slow movements. “I might just take you up on that offer,” he said. He shot Germs one last creepy-as-fuck smile. “But for now, good night. Hopefully dinner was kept warm for us.”

Germs waved the engineer off before turning his attention to cleaning up the infirmary a bit; he could get dinner afterwards, once he was done shoving the medical utensils back into random drawers and kicking the medi-gun back into its place of being right in front of the TV. It didn’t take all that long really, and he was able to spend the rest of his night in blissful boredom. He was also able to spend the next day the same way. A quiet day-in was nice, if not a little slow. But he had the whole day to himself, and Germs spent that day without anyone busting the door down. It was pleasant, if not boring. But those days were few and far in-between, so he relished it as much as he could.

It was only the day after that did Ludo knock on his door again. As a formality of course, as he entered right away once he did.

“Oh. Back already?” Germs asked. “Two days–that must be a new record or somethin’.”

“Aheh. Well, what can I say? I’ve been busy.”

“Which is great for me, by the way. I loved so much how I had to jury-rig your blood system thing, that I am ecstatic that I have to do it again. Really brightens my day, you know.”

A forced laugh came from Ludo. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m afraid it is my other hand that will need attention.

A sigh left Germs. “Alright, what did you do now?”

“I’m glad you asked!” Engie-Med, with excitement clear in his face, walked with a pep in his step to reveal left hand. The once perfectly normal left hand was now not so perfect.

“Dude. What the fuck is that?”

“Needles!” he exclaimed. The hand, while still a natural and alive hue, was pale from blood deprivation. All of his fingers, sans index, had a metal piece that protruded at the end of his fingers–almost as a covering of sorts, or perhaps a replacement of the fingertips. Before Germs could ask him to clarify, thin and very sharp needles popped out of the metal pieces. Ludo did indeed gave himself needles in his fingertips. The fuck.

“They’re retractable,” Ludo explained, not retracting them. Which, yeah, was fine because Germs totally felt fine with the engineer moving the hand around and flexing the fingers with the pin-point needles inches away from his face and felt perfectly safe with this engineer and his dangerous body modifications. “And I am also planning on maybe having screwdrivers too!”

“Dude, your hand is gonna be fucked up, just like your other one,” Germs said, shoving down the urge to admit that that sounded like a pretty cool idea, despite all of the obvious health risks there was with shoving metal inside of a human body. He didn’t focus on it, because Ludo’s right hand, the one decked out in crazy shit, caught his attention once again. “Like, what the fuck happened to it over the two days?”

“Oh! Funny story actually.” Ludo gestured with his still-unretracted-needles hand to the blood circulation system. “You will be very happy to hear that it is working! My hand has been filled with a lot of blood.”

“Okay yeah cool, that doesn’t explain why your fingers are fucking dying.” Ludo frowned at that, and looked down at the hand, while Germs hadn’t stopped staring at it. The right hand, still crooked and now with new, fresh stitches made by the engineer, had a healthy-ish hue to it. It was certainly better than it had been before, but the fingers were still a dark gray color.

“Yes, I sort of ran into that problem a bit ago. The hand is getting plenty of blood and yet,” Ludo looked back up to the medic and shrugged. “Nothing. Still dying.”

“Which shouldn’t be happening,” Germs insisted. He looked back down at the hand–it really was still a healthy color. Yeah, there was a bit of an abnormal purple hue to it, and sure, the cuticles bled far too much and were probably filled with too much blood, but it was fine. What was not fine were the still darkened and dead fingers.

“And you didn’t even get to shove needles into those ones,” he commented.

“I know! Truly a shame.” A sigh left Ludo. “Perhaps one day I can add something else to them that can make them shine.”

“You know I think that’s probably just adding to the problem. But yeah no, go ahead and add more shit. Sure it’ll do wonders to that hand of yours.”

“But! That is not why I came to see you, my friend.” He raised his left hand up, and finally retracted the needles back, making it look at least vaguely normal. “It is this one that I need you to look at. I’m dealing with a bit of a, uh…aheh, jam, so to say. At least I think it is, anyway.”

Germs blinked. “Jam?”

A smile grew on the engineer’s face. “Well! As you can see, my forefinger was the only one I did not modify to have a needle point. That is because I decided to make it into a finger gun!” He even formed a little gun with his hand, giving a “pew pew!” for emphasis. His smile became one of worry. “And it is not firing, no matter how much I mess with it. It is harder to mess with it with only one hand, I’ve found. So why not find someone who can use both his hands and is already acquainted with my work? A second pair of eyes and opinions, so to say.”

A sigh left Germs. “Aright, yeah man. Just get on the table already.”

The workload this time, when compared to jury-rigging the blood circulation contraption, was quite small. Especially since Germs decided he’d look at the hand with dying fingers another day. Ludo could wait like twenty-four more hours, it’d be fine.

Cutting into the hand revealed a shit ton of titanium lining along his bones and muscles. Not as much compared to the other hand, mind you, but Germs was sure it was still an unhealthy amount. He messed around with the mechanisms for the needles for a short bit–Ludo watched silently as he did this, with the needles coming out and back and out and back as Germs stared with a slight fascination with it all.

The same could not be done with the index finger. It had metal wiring and such, just like all of the other fingers, and yet nothing happened when he poked or prodded at it. Germs frowned. He rolled in the stool that he sat in to get a different view of the arm; he pushed to get the squeaky wheels to move, until the hand in question was directly in front of him, with the fingers pointing toward him. He kept poking, even trying to move the different metal bits to see what’d happen. A piece–which Germs guessed was some sort of piston–was stuck, and didn’t move as the other counterparts of the piece had.

“Ich habe es dir gesagt, it is jammed." Germs glared at the man, who met him with a smile. 

“Gee, thanks. Your insight really helps.” The man simply shrugged, and Medi-Scout focused back on his work. He tried more pressure, more force in moving the piece–he was met with nothing but a bit of fidgeting from the engineer. “The hell could’ve gotten stuck in there?” Ludo gave another shrug as an answer, and the medic sighed. “Cool, that’s just great.”

A lot of yanking and pulling on the piece made Germs the victor, only by brute strength on the thing. In the end he moved it a few centimeters backwards, but that was good enough. He was able to poke and prod in this new space, which worked just fine with him.

“Wait, I think I got it.” Germs narrowed his eyes as he focused on his work, with Ludo craning his neck forward as much as he could to look over.

“Dude, what the fuck.” Germs worked harder, hunched down closer to the arm to get a better look. “Is that a fucking bone shard?” In the small space was, indeed, a small bone shard. He was able to pull it out, thankfully; it was drenched in blood, but Germs knew his way around the human insides enough to easily recognize it. “What the fuck are you even doing to your body?”

“Science,” Ludo answered with ease. His smile never left his face–in fact, it grew with his answer. “And engineering. Sometimes the things in the body get in the way.”

“You do know that you still need your bones to, I don’t know, function, right?”

Ludo simply laughed as a response. What took place next only took seconds to happen, but both men watched with alert eyes. How, as Medi-Scout attempted to move the metal-piece-possibly-piston back into place, started to activate, now with nothing in its way. They watched as the piston moved further and further, and followed it by an ear-splitting bang. And they realized in horror that the finger gun did indeed work now, as blood started to soak the bottom half of Medi-Scout’s shirt.

“Fuck!” Ludo was quick to pull his hand back away from Germs. Germs, hand down and putting pressure against the wound, pushed with his feet to propel himself to a few feet away from the table; the wheels shrieked loudly from the abuse, but it fell on deaf ears. Arriving at the medi-pack, he kicked the backpack piece hard, and strained to get the gun portion to point it at himself.

“What the fuck, dude! You fucking shot me, asshole!”

That damned smile of his never left the engineer’s face, but at least it was one of worry and concern. “Aheh. At least we fixed the problem, ja?”

The medi-gun slowly closed up the wound, though it did not do anything about the pain, nor the bullet that was still inside of him. “Oh yeah, thank God we did that. Good thing nothing bad came out of it, yeah? I’m having a grand ol’ time, asshat, if you couldn’t tell.” Germs held the medi-gun against his lower abdominal region for a few more seconds before pulling it back. He felt around the area–no blood or open wounds, but the bullet was still inside of him, which caused only a bit of internal agitation. It would be fine, he was sure of it.

He used the gun to also close up Ludo’s arm, which somehow hadn’t bled out that badly despite Ludo’s movements with said open arm. Which was a shame, because a major loss of blood would’ve been just fine with Germs, just as a small form of payback for fucking shooting him. 

Ludovic rolled his wrist and stretched his fingers as Germs put away the medi-gun. “Well then! With that figured out, I can finally move onto my next projects. What do you think about me adding a mini saw blade to my right pinkie?”

Germs blinked, and realized that Ludo was waiting for an answer. “You do know that I won’t help you with it, right?”

“Ja, ja, of course.” Germs hated that they both knew it was a lie. If Ludo needed help with anything, especially if it pertained to the human body, Germs would be there. It was his job as the medic after all. Besides, he found joy in the weird work.

“And I’m guessin’ there’s no way I can get you to be more careful so you don’t shoot me again?” Ludo’s smile grew, and Germs already knew the answer to his question.

In the same vein of Germs’ joy of being a Medic, he knew Ludo would never stop being an Engineer. Not from creating things and stuffing said things inside of himself, probably not until he ran out of room in his body for the modifications–even then, Germs had a feeling that he would reach out to the other mercs to continue his work. But the engineer reveled in his work, and took extreme joy in fucking up his body. 

Both had found gratification in these roles that they played. So Germs wouldn’t ask Ludo to stop, never seriously–and besides, Ludo was arguably his favorite patient. Even with the visits that ended with Germs being shot, no he will never forgive the engineer for that, he still found joy in the work. The whole team did, they loved their newly discovered roles. So Engie-Med would always put machinery inside of him, and Medi-Scout would always be there to be apathetic and sarcastic towards the whole thing, despite loving any chance he had to show off his skills.

And he was perfectly content with that.

[rosewaterandivy]

can i kick it?

not me having band!au thoughts about Eddie, Steve, & Rob on this fine Wednesday morning...

blurb under the cut

eddie only joined steve and rob's pet project because they begged him to. I'm thinking Chicago, early aughts - rob, nance, and steve are in college, eddie works at their local record shop and begrudgingly lets them hang a flyer for band auditions (a singer and rhythm guitarist particularly).

like, steve can play guitar and carry and tune but the man just loves his drums, okay? let's just take a minute to appreciate hot n' sweaty Steve in shorts and a backwards baseball hat, absolutely no shirt just goin' feral on the drums. rob is on the bass and it drives Nance absolutely insane, like that's my hot gf!? i'm sweatin'

so, eddie takes pity because they're dinguses who show up to corroded's shows even though it's definitely not their usual scene and he kinda likes them, sometimes. whatever. shows up to the shitty garage of their co-op house and completely crushes the audition, obvi.

they jam for a minute, just casually like, and that's when you roll up. You've got your guitar and are a little shy, ask if this is the audition for the band.

eddie and rob definitely clock steve giving you the once over and how his voice gets all soft and sweet when he tells you that you've got the right place. So you set up and just start tuning up the guitar, maybe some open tuning with some swampy slide guitar into a bit of erruption by eddie van halen? Just a lil' amuse bouche, if you will. and then, because why the fuck not, you launch into purple rain because who doesn't love prince? the mic isn't even set up but that doesn't even matter because they can hear you loud and clear, a belter - who woulda thought?

eddie and steve have never been harder in their goddamn lives. rob can't seem to pick her jaw off the floor. nance is the only one with a functioning brain cell and asks if you'll sing something else for them.

"sure, okay. like as backing vocals or?"

steve scrambles to get you set up with the mic and stand and you ask what kind of vibe they're looking for. steve and rob mumble but you can't seem to catch what they're saying - greenday, jimmy eat world, something corporate, ramones, misfits - and then eddie rolls his eyes and cuts in with, "y'know that pop-punk emo shit?"

steve scratches the back of his neck, twirls a drumstick in his hand. doesn't wanna be the one to push you, or make you uncomfortable, but no one just half-asses purple rain, so he's pretty sure when he says, "i mean, you sound like a singer to me."

you bite your lip because you've never sung for a band before, just backing vocals and guitar mostly. but you're itching to be in another band since your last one splintered apart and they seem like decent enough people.

"i mean, i'll try." you hand your guitar off to eddie and motion for the acoustic propped against the wall behind him. you swap and get set up, strumming a bit as you tune. "if you hear me fuck this up," you say into the mic, "no you didn't."

steve and rob take a seat next to nance on the busted sofa while eddie leans against the wall behind him, arms crossed over his chest, sweetheart resting against his hips. he recognizes the chords and he is very interested in what is about to occur.

it's one of those moments that journalists will ask about for the rest of their careers.

if i should stay, i'd only be in your way (rip chris cornell, you're my fave)

by the end of the song, rob is nearly bouncing in her seat clutching nance's hand so hard while steve just smiles, all blushy and cute because he was right, of course he was, and eddie just shakes his head with a soft laugh.

"soooo." you drawl into the mic, hands flitting nervously against the strings.

steve and rob share a look before clambering off of the sofa to kneel at your feet and pull a wayne's world "we're not worthy." while eddie sidles on up to you and asks, "so, did it hurt?"

"did what hurt?"

"when you fell down the stairway to heaven?"

you sputter the most unattractive laugh, there's definitely a goosehonk in there somewhere (he mentions it every time he tells this story), and that's when they all knew.

you were it for them, they'd found the missing puzzle piece.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Father Figure

This photo op does not belong to me, and was sourced from here

Summary: Y/N looks up to Jensen a lot, so when he yells at her out of nowhere one day on set, she's heartbroken.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: TW for very brief mention of emotional parental abuse.

Pairings: No romantic pairing. Jensen Ackles x teen!reader

Word Count: 2,257

A/N: I got the following request from @kayyay1219:

So I was thinking about another Jensen x teen!reader where Jensen has a really bad day on set and takes it out on the reader and makes her cry. So she goes to Jared for comfort and Jared yells at Jensen and makes him realize what he did. So Jensen goes to her house and try’s to make it right by apologizing and a movie night and cuddling. Just a whole lot of angst and fluff. Reader age:14-15 Thank you!❤️

Thank you so much for this request! Sorry it took me a while, hope it's what you were looking for! 💓

A/N 2: In this story, Jensen mentions being separated from his wife and some custody troubles. I want to take this chance to reiterate, as I always do, that this story is about a Jensen from a different part of the multiverse and in NO WAY reflects anything to do with his real life, and beautiful family. This is a complete and utter work of fiction. 😊

The beautiful divider at the bottom was created by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist || Tag Lists

"Jesus! What's the matter with you, Dude?" Jared's massive frame barely fit through Jensen's trailer door as he barged through it.

Jensen already knew why Jared was pissed, and he didn't want to talk about it. "Not now, man." He said quietly. "I'm not in the mood."

"Well, too fucking bad." Jared huffed. "You know, Y/N was so upset she had to go home. That kid has worked through the flu, and the chicken pox. She never misses work, they have to practically drag her from set when she's done for the day, but today she just didn't have it in her to go on."

Jensen rolled his eyes, trying to tamp down the guilt that was threatening to overwhelm him. "Look, I know that you've known Y/N way longer than I have, since she was just a little kid, but she's a teenager now, and fifteen year old girls are notoriously overdramatic."

Jared nodded, pushing his tongue into his cheek, trying to speak calmly. "M'kay, well, she was crying her eyes out when she came to my trailer. Said you screamed at her."

Jensen clenched his jaw. "I didn't scream. I may have raised my voice a little. She wasn't being safe with the prop knife."

Jared frowned. "The rubber knife?"

"Yeah, she was tossing it end over end, and catching it. She was gonna hurt herself, or someone else."

Jared scoffed. "Are you kidding me? We fuck around with those things all the time."

Jensen scowled. "We've been at this a lot longer than her. And we're better coordinated."

Jared snorted with disbelief. "We're really not." He shook his head. "So, did you ask her to stop?”

Jensen shrugged.  “Yes, I asked her, and she just got all moody about it."

Jared crossed his arms. "Did you ask her calmly, or did you yell at her over something trivial and hurt her feelings? Cause I gotta say, it's not like Y/N to get pouty over something small.”

When Jensen didn’t answer, Jared shook his head in frustration. “You know she looks up to you like a dad. And the last fucking thing she needs is another asshole dad that treats her like shit."

"What are you talking about?” Jensen asked with a scowl. “I didn't think her dad was in the picture." The guilt was roaring through him now, eating away at his gut.

Jared threw his hands up. "Well not anymore he isn't. Cause when she was a little kid, he was her manager too, and he was shitty at both jobs. He overworked her all the time, forced into roles and scenes she wasn't comfortable with, and CONSTANTLY yelled at her about everything."

Jared started ticking things off on his fingers. "Yelled at her for not trying hard enough, constantly told her her acting was shitty and they were gonna fire her. He put so much shit on her shoulders, yelled at her that they weren't going to be able to afford to send her little brother and sister to college cause she got rejected for a role. He was an extreme bastard. Which is why he isn't in her life now. She got herself emancipated from him earlier this year. She’s living with an elderly aunt now."

Jensen felt a sickening mixture of rage at Y/N's father and aching guilt at himself, and it made him drop his head into his hands. “I didn’t know any of that. Fuck.” He said quietly.

Jared sat down on the couch, beside his best friend, calmer now and looking for an explanation.

"What happened man? It's not like you to lose your shit, especially not at work, and especially, especially not with a kid."

Jensen ran his hand over his face and spoke quietly, barely above a whisper. "She's taking the kids." He said, looking up at Jared, devastation evident in his gaze. "She swore…when she left, she swore we'd split everything with the kids fifty-fifty. Equal time. But now she wants them full time, says she'll let me take them every second weekend. Told me her lawyer was drawing up the papers."

Jared felt tears well up at the heartbreak in Jensen's voice. He knew how much his brother loved his babies. It was absolutely awful to imagine him being without them.

"I'm so sorry, man. She won't get full custody though, right? I mean, you're an amazing dad. That wouldn't be fair."

Jensen just shrugged. "I don't know. She says I'm gone too much, working, that I wouldn't be able to care for them properly." He scrubbed his fingers through the scruff that covered his cheeks. "I don't know, maybe she's right."

"Bullshit!" Jared spit out. "You've been sharing them with her, equal time, since she buggered off six months ago to live with that asshat. And you've managed to care for them, give them security and happiness all this time, right? So, what’s changed? Other than the fact that her lawyer wants to go for more child support."

Jared slapped Jensen's chest with a massive hand. "You're gonna win, buddy, I swear. The Universe would never be that cruel to such a deserving father."

Jensen just grunted non-committally, wondering if he was as deserving as Jared was claiming, especially considering the way he's acted with Y/N today.

Jensen slapped Jared on the back in gratitude. "Thanks man, I appreciate that. But right now, I've got a devastated kid that I need to go cheer up and apologize to."

Jared nodded.  “Good idea, brother."

***

“I’ve got it, Auntie June!” Y/N called out as she ran to answer the doorbell.

“Okay!” June called back, continuing with her game of bridge in the den. Y/N heard the four women burst into laughter together, and the sound made her smile. At least someone was having a good day.

She pulled open the door and lost her smile. Jensen stood on the other side, hands behind his back. He held a bag that she could see swinging back and forth from his clasped hands.

“Hey kiddo.” He said with a soft smile.

Y/N tried not to show her hurt, giving the ghost of a smile back. She needed to work with him, after all, and she probably needed to keep their relationship more professional than she had been.

She’d warmed to Jensen quickly when she’d started on the show earlier that year. He was warm and kind, caring and supportive; in short, he was everything her own father had never been and she’d found herself envious of his three beautiful children. How lucky they were to have a father like him. She’d started to see him as her own father figure, going to him for advice and leaning on him as a mentor.

But she’d been foolish to let herself see him that way. He wasn’t her father, he already had kids of his own, and he didn’t need some clingy ragamuffin kid hanging around him all the time. No wonder he was getting sick of her, and no wonder he yelled at her so abruptly and angrily this morning.

She had to let go of the dream.

Now, she tried to widen her smile so she could keep their working relationship on good terms. “Hey, what’s up?”

Jensen looked at the ground before looking back at her. “I wanted to come tell you…I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

Y/N shook her head. “Don’t worry about it.” She tried to shrug it off, worried she’d start crying again if she thought about it too much. She’d never seen him act that way with anyone on set, he was always so calm, quiet even, sometimes. He had to really be annoyed with her to react that way.

“I shouldn’t have been messing around with the knife. You were right.”

Jensen shook his head. “No, I really, really wasn’t. There was no excuse for the way I acted. Sure, I was a little worried - even though they’re prop knives they’ve got some weight to them and could do some damage. But I should have said just that to you. I never should have yelled at you like that. Aside from it being completely unprofessional, it was a dickish thing to do to a kid as fantastic as you. I’m really sorry.”

Y/N shrugged again, looking down and kicking at the door jamb with the toe of her sneaker. “It’s fine, really.”

Jensen took hold of her hand. “Jared…I hope it’s okay, Jared told me a bit about your past with your father, and how rough and abrasive he was with you. I never meant to bring any of that up for you.”

As she’d feared it would, talking about it brought thick, hot tears to her eyes and Y/N kept her head lowered, hoping Jensen wouldn’t notice them. But he did notice and he clicked his tongue at them.

“Tsk, Y/N, sweetheart, come here. I’m so sorry.” He pulled her into his embrace and held her tightly in the circle of his arms while she cried all the tears she’d been trying to hold in. Tears that said how hurt she’d been, how embarrassed by Jensen’s roughness, how much it had scared her to hear another man she’d come to love and look up to, yelling at her, seemingly over nothing.

But as Jensen held her and rocked her gently side to side, his apology ringing in her ears, she realized just how different he was from her real father. With him, it had always been her apologizing; he would never admit when he was wrong, because in his mind, he never was. The fault was always to be laid at her feet. The fact that Jensen was taking the simple but entirely different position of admitting he’d been in the wrong, and trying to make amends for it, proved to her that she hadn’t been mistaken about him.

She pulled back from him and wiped her eyes. “Sorry about that. I really appreciate you apologizing, seriously. It makes all the difference. And really, it’s okay. Mostly, it just shocked me because it was so unlike you.”

With her own hurt behind her, something occurred to her – maybe his outburst hadn’t been about her after all. She knew he was dealing with a separation from his wife and becoming a newly single father, maybe something was wrong there.

She frowned at him. “It was really, really unlike you. Is there anything you wanna talk about?”

Jensen smiled kindly, if a little sadly, and squeezed her wrist. “That’s really sweet of you, kiddo. But it’s just family stuff I’m dealing with, rough couple days that’s all.”

Before Y/N could ask for specifics, he brightened his smile and continued in a much happier tone.  “But I thought of something super fun we could do tonight, provided that you were very nice and forgave me!”

He pulled the bag from behind his back, and Y/N could see it was stuffed with snacks. “Movie night!” He shouted excitedly.

“You said a while ago that there were a bunch of 80s movies you’d never seen that you really wanted to. So, I brought a ton of snacks and I thought we could order in pizza, hunker down with two or three classic 80s movies and I could impart all of my 80s kid wisdom to you!”

Y/N giggled, thrilled beyond belief at the sound of that plan. “Sure, we’ve got the living room all to ourselves because my Auntie June has her friends over this evening playing bridge in the den. So, if you don’t mind the occasional sounds of raucous and occasionally arguing sixty year olds, come on in!” Y/N said, stepping back from the doorway.

Jensen laughed. “That sounds perfect.”

***

Two and a half hours later, Y/N was once again weeping uncontrollably on Jensen’s shoulder. But this time it was the fault of an adorably ugly little alien leaving Elliot behind and going home. Jensen kissed the top of her head and chuckled, slightly exasperated as he turned off ET.

“Wow, these movies were supposed to be fun, not make you cry your eyes out.”

Y/N laughed shakily, her nose stuffy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect the creepy little guy with his creepy long neck, and creepy long fingers to grow on me so much!” She said, and took advantage of her position to give Jensen a giant hug.

“And this is so much fun. I’m having a blast.” She was suddenly a little shy, but she wanted to tell him something important so she spoke quickly before she chickened out.

“I want you to know how much I appreciate you taking me under your wing the way you have, and being so kind and supportive, being like…well, being like the kind of dad I never had. It means so much to me to know that some men really are great people and good fathers really do exist.”

Jensen was blushing a little when she looked at him, and his eyes looked a little watery, surprising Y/N. He smiled at her and chucked her chin.

“Thanks kid, I needed to hear that very much today. So thanks.”  Y/N hugged him again, grateful when his arms wrapped her up tight, not holding back an ounce of affection.

Finally they pulled apart and Jensen cleared his throat before throwing her a blinding smile. “Okay, we gotta get these warm fuzzy feelings under control, meaning that we absolutely have to watch Die Hard next.”

Y/N giggled. “Definitely.”

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @siospins2 @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @nt-multi-fandom @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @sunshineandwings86 @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @awkward-and-indecisive @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @b3autyfuldisast3r @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @fangirlxwritesx67 @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @mysherlock221b @jensensgotyoudean @stixnstripesworld @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @norman1967 @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @deepsketchsupernaturalcowboy @b-i-t-c-h-i-e @twirpbunwarrior @mysweetlittledesire @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine

[irambletoomuch]

MUST READS

These are fanfiction that I feel like are must reads. Separated by Fandom. Enjoy!

MCU

🐐Death Before Inaction is literally one of the best Peter Parker fics I've ever read, if you want skewed dynamics, no slash, an OP Peter, and really good story telling this is for you.

The Anomaly is an amazing Into the Spiderverse fic that really goes into Miles character and how giving up; doing everything in your power to prevent something and then it happens anyways, can destroy you and change your perspective. And on the other side how choices can make you regret them.

Bound by a Promise to the Moon is an Avengers work that is focused on characters and relationships between people who have drifted apart. It is IronStrange but nothing in your face for the most part 💀 you can skip those parts if you don't like it😁. It really is worth the read though.

Crossovers

Gaming Spider is a MCU fic that is Peter-centric but be warned because they dropped 8 chapters on the same day in 2022 and haven't updated since. It's so entertaining because Peter just has the Gamer Power (basically Litrpg elements) and grows increasingly stronger after every encounter, and the plot makes sense and isn't only based on the system.

All of the heroes and all of the men, couldn’t save Tommy from getting kidnapped again is such a bias rec on my part, I like crossovers that are done correctly and I was a mcyt and dsmp follower (not really watcher, I can't commit to anything) and this is a story changed by the characters, where the original plot is nothing but a memory to help character development. God I love character development.

BNHA

🐐Parallax is a BNHA fic that is SI and I KNOW BUT HERE ME OUT is basically like if Todoroki was haunted by a physics loving astronomer that made him feel more like someone else, but still kept a lot of what makes him, him. It's so good, like touched me so deeply that I have a hard time explaining it.

A Study In Deceit is a BNHA fic (I know) that is SO FUNNY, basically Bakugou is BBC's Sherlock, but has hid it for all his life, he does cases on the side and turns them in anonymously to the police. It's really good if you're looking for Todoroki and Bakugou friendship.

Foresight now this, this is crack. Want a BNHA fic that speeds through the story in ways that are so funny? Want someone doing something without a clue why? READ THIS. If you know the plot of BNHA it's sometimes easy to guess why he's doing what he's doing but the reactions of other characters is sooo good.

RONIN, ronin, ronin, ronin. This thing is the best ever, BNHA, op Midoriya but now you might be scrolling past, but... It's SO GOOD, BOHB_STEVENS IS A GENIUS this fic was made to practice fighting and ohhhhh did they get plently of practice. If you like fighting scenes that are descriptive, easy to understand, and EXHILARATING read this.

Magneto is an amazingly different BNHA SI fic, where really the story stays the same but I'm a simple person and slice of life interactions can be just as fun as fighting and complicated story telling (the storytelling is good btw) . I think I you want a little angst mixed with mostly good times and crack you should read this.

Pinwheel Eyes is a BNHA if Midoriya had a quirk. But once again the story is original they aren't afraid to make unpopular decisions to keep realism, and he has to win to keep people alive, not just have plot armor. I think if you want amazing fights and to be surprised over and over with how good this is you should read it

Crossovers

🐐A Massacre of One is a BNHA/Worm crossover that is something out of a dream for me. Super long, well written, fight scenes, character development, and well done implementation of other stories elements. With quirks it makes it easy, but still the reactions of others when they figured out what happened is AHHH and the way they make them go through the story is amazing too. Big props to the writer.

Si Vis Pacem is a BNHA/John Wick fic where John Wick (would it be SI?) is reincarnated into Midoriya, and it's pretty good, ngl it updates like 3 times a year so it's been a minute since I've read it, but I remember really liking it.

Be Careful What You Ask Your God is a BNHA and Chainsaw Man crossover where once again (I know I said it wasn't the norm) the characters are the story, here they took a different approach and didn't even focus on the main characters of BNHA and just how the mc's of chainsaw man would live in that world, but the LORE (matpat😭) is interesting.

Misc.

Harry Potter

Porcupine Quills & Potion Spills A Harry Potter (Snape-centric) work. This fic is pretty good, but it's not TOP top tier. The reason it's here is because I've been looking for another fic that has this same idea but none have done it this certain way and I really like the idea. Now it is on Hiatus but its only been a few months, so they'll probably be back (man I hope so).

Crossovers

A Wand for Skitter is a Harry Potter and Worm crossover (if you haven't read worm and appreciate modern sci-fi/eldritch original works you should read it) but the characters are amazing, nothing seems cheap and the ending, THE ENDING it was so good.

Stranger Things

I really didn't mean to hurt anyone is a Stranger Things story that had Steve as Seven. The choices with the way the story is going makes sense and again the characters are so well written. His powers are original and make the story even better and even gets him into some unsavory situations.

Worm

Crossovers

🐐A Massacre of One is a BNHA/Worm crossover that is something out of a dream for me. Super long, well written, fight scenes, character development, and well done implementation of other stories elements. With quirks it makes it easy, but still the reactions of others when they figured out what happened is AHHH and the way they make them go through the story is amazing too. Big props to the writer.

A Wand for Skitter is a Harry Potter and Worm crossover (if you haven't read worm and appreciate modern sci-fi/eldritch original works you should read it) but the characters are amazing, nothing seems cheap and the ending, THE ENDING it was so good.

Kuroko's Basketball

Ball Is Life, But You Still Need To Pay Rent before anything, this work is on hiatus (it hasn't updated since 2022) it's a Kuroko's Basketball fic that is a SI but omg this si is not a John Doe he is so out of pocket I'm not gonna spoil it a lot but if you like the anime you should read this you'll have fun.

The Saga of Tanya the Evil

The Chronicles of Tanya the Fuehrer is another Tanya fic where it's after the war ends, the beginning is amazing, she does get a bit ooc in some parts but other than that the story itself is so entertaining and how they describe things and paint a picture is so beautiful.

Crossovers

A Young Girl's Guerrilla War is a Code Geass and The Saga of Tanya the Evil crossover. It's if Tanya died and was reincarnated again into code geass (another war so on brand) it's something special because it feels like an AU, which so many crossovers can't accomplish, they just follow the plot of the story with new characters without changing the world based on their characters actions. This story is Amazing and something that should become a norm within the trope.

Code Geass

Crossovers

A Young Girl's Guerrilla War is a Code Geass and The Saga of Tanya the Evil crossover. It's if Tanya died and was reincarnated again into code geass (another war so on brand) it's something special because it feels like an AU, which so many crossovers can't accomplish, they just follow the plot of the story with new characters without changing the world based on their characters actions. This story is Amazing and something that should become a norm within the trope.

MCYT/DSMP

Weapon Reforged is something everyone should experience even if they don't know the fandom (I'm not even gonna say it but don't be pushed off once you see it because the story is original and uses characters simple traits to build new ones off of) it's an amazing work of art that is near and dear to me in a big way, it hasnt updated since 2021 but you have to, HAVE TO read this.

Crossovers

All of the heroes and all of the men, couldn’t save Tommy from getting kidnapped again is such a bias rec on my part, I like crossovers that are done correctly and I was a mcyt and dsmp follower (not really watcher, I can't commit to anything) and this is a story changed by the characters, where the original plot is nothing but a memory to help character development. God I love character development.

Blue Lock

A Child's Dream is a Blue Lock fic that is the only reasonabley lengthed fic that isn't slash that I have found. Theres a lot of simping for Isagi but that's normal enough. The development is interesting and keeps you engaged and the interactions are funny and so out of left pocket most of the time.

Déjà Vu is a Blue Lock fic that is probably abandoned, but the idea and execution make up for it, it's also short so don't worry about slogging through 100,000 words then figuring out it's abandoned. It's kind of crack-like but more serious than you would expect.

Miraculous Ladybug

(pockets full of) Stones is a Miraculous Ladybug one shot that is somewhat tear inducing and very realistic. Want a AroAce Adrien Agreste? READ THIS

[quinloki]

For the kinky op headcannons can I get Kid and Killer with Auction (slave), Boot blacking, and Gunplay?❤️

Whew, y'all coming at me hard with the morally grey stuff XD

Alright, again we'll break this down by Kink - Boot blacking (service shoe shining, basically), Gunplay and then the Auction.

Boot Blacking:

Eustass - Kid is, to me, quite the dom. Actually, I won't even hold back, he is a quintessential dominate. As such, being served like with a good shoe shining, shave, etc. is something he would enjoy. It's on the Sure/Yes in between for him in that he'll easily accept it, but he's unlikely to demand/initiate it. Kid's default choices and kinks are a little louder than some quiet service time.

Killer - Not quite a quintessential dominate, but still very much a dom, Killer would be more into this sort of play than Kid. This man works, and works, and works, and if you want him to sit and admire you and your work while he relaxes, he's all in. FUCK Yes. Hope you have a praise kink, cause he's going to shower you with it while you're pampering him. (He's all in for the whole shave and such as well).

Gunplay:

I don't normally combine characters, but I feel like Kid and Killer are in the same boat with this. It's a Rather Not/I dunno vibe for both of them. Look, weapons are meant to be collected and used, and even the best and most on point gun safety process can lead to accidents. That said, it's just a prop if it's been soldered or rendered broken internally, and they'd be way more open to the role-play of it. Closer to a Yes category.

One near miss though, one mix of up broken and functional, and it's never happening again. Toys in the toy box, guns in the armory.

Auction -- WARNING - CW/TW past this point. If role-play style BDSM Auctions with strong slave/owner vibes aren't for you, then stop reading and move along.

Last warning.

Look away if you don't vibe this even as a role-play.

Auction (slave):

Eustass - Since our boy has at least canonically expressed interest in in-world auctions, I'm going to have to admit he's into the idea from a BDSM standpoint. (Personally, I see him as being all bluster regarding actually buying a human, but that's just me.) Kid's a solid Yes with the idea of a consensual auction. Those hub-dungeons and gatherings of kinksters come together to pull one off, he's for it. Maybe even puts you up for auction as well. Letting you get nervous as he holds off on bidding, or has someone else bid for him.

Killer - Within the same parameters as above, Killer's a Sure. He's not against it, and there's a whole series of little role-play things that can unfold from it. Less of a Master/pet kind of Dom though, and more of a - let's be fair - daddy dom <3 - the commodity/ownership vibe of the auction set up puts him off a little, so he doesn't get into it as much as he does other things. Plus, it's a scenario that's a lot of work on the dom's shoulders, with all the moving parts, and the man just wants to relax XD

Kinky One Piece Head Canon