#punishing anger

[furiousgoldfish]

My family are okay, and it could be a lot worse than it becoming more ... influenced these days? They've been listening much more frequently to gateway alt right stuff (in front of me at least) and gone a bit heavy in the religion aspect of stuff. Had a bit of a panic attack when they listened to some anti-lgbt stuff in front of me (in the closet)

They themselves were abused in their own childhoods (though they definitely wouldn't put it that way + normalized back when they were growing up) so maybe i should cut them some slack? Apart from occasional slaps on my hand and when i was younger they used to bang my head with knuckles a bit if they were really mad. Theyve apologised for it but do mention how back in their day it was way worse.

I dont know i guess ive been thinking much more about the future recently and how theyd HATE it if they found out some of the stuff i really think. Lots of yelling. Its embarrassing to talk about this with friends.

This sounds dumb when i put it into words but for years now ive been forced to keep a diary. I liked the idea of having one and writing down about my self so i went with it until one day i wrote about how mad i was at them. They read it despite me telling them not to and made me apologise and write down how sorry i was for doing that. There was a lot of yelling. I cried. They openly read what i write now and kinda force me to do it. ngl I kinda hate the thing now. Was that wrong of them?

maybe this is too vague for a checklist but request for one about signs your family is going down a conspiracy rabbithole/signs your parents are victims of misinformation would be nice. This ended up rambly im sorry.

Anon, I am so sorry, this sounds like an absolutely terrifying experience. You're blameless in all of this, you're perfect as you are, but your parents are actively participating in a hate group against your own person, in front of you, consistently exposing you to that narrative, and that is like being in the enemy's lair, isn't it? It has to affect your well being negatively, to hear those sorts of things, it's like you're forced every day to listen to perspectives of people who absolutely despise you, think you shouldn't exist or be the way you are, and who are ready to go and hurt anyone who is like you.

No, you do not need to cut them any slack. Were you any of their parents who did those things to them? No? Were you the founder of the culture where were hit, or force children to hit themselves? I don't think it's possible, since you weren't even born when that shit started. So your responsibility for this is zero. Yet these two people are coming at you asking you to be grateful they're not doing worse to you. Apparently by the logic of 'we had it bad, now you have to be grateful when we do bad things to you'. As if.

No person or being who was abused in the past, regardless of how badly, has the 'free card' to now inflict similar abuse on you. That is completely ridiculous and if that were true, than anyone abused would be going around hurting everyone else and it would be 'fine' because that person was abused as well. That kind of thinking only brings forth more abuse and trauma and nothing else. You did nothing to deserve any of that shit. If their parents hurt them, they should go ahead and take it up with their own parents. Except, they don't, do they? Because they cowards and prefer blaming and directing it towards their child.

If you had a kid, would you want that kid to be grateful you're hurting them slightly less than your parents are doing to you? It sounds insane, doesn't it. You'd want your kid to be happy and safe from ANY abuse, not paying for whatever anyone else has done to you in the past. Because that kid is innocent and did nothing to warrant bearing the burden of your past. And you are that kid right now, you are asked to bear the burden of the abuse that got absorbed into culture, abuse that your parents suffered and abuse they feel entitled to inflict onto you, and for what? It doesn't make anything better or fairer. It doesn't make the world a better place if you're getting hurt in it. If your parents think it's normal they can do it to their parents, thats none of your business. You're a kid brought into that family by no will of your own, subjected to horrifying shit and told you should bear it like it's normal. It's not normal. No child deserves this.

I also have to say that banging your own head with knuckles is especially vicious and victim-blaming abuse to do, I'm sickened by the very thought, and if they felt sorry for that, they would have never done it. It sounds like they'll do just anything in anger and expect 'sorry' to fix it. Sorry doesn't fix abuse. They shouldn't have slapped your wrists either.

The last part of your ask really had me in shock and horror, because that was such an intimate invasion of your privacy, and for them not even even feel sorry or ashamed for invading your private boundaries like that, but to be enraged you dared to feel anger? It's disgusting what they did. They should be so deeply ashamed. Any normal people would realize there's something wrong with them if their child is so mad and would take it as a sign to do some introspection and to evaluate whether they've been unfair, cruel, abusive or hateful to the kid, that is if they already went so far to read your diary without your permission, that they forced you to have!

Their reactions prove that they're so dead-set on controlling you, they even want to control your inner thoughts, convince you that you have no right to anger, no right to human feelings or human expressions, that you should be like a robot who only listens to commands and reacts in the way they want to. It's dehumanizing, disgusting and insanely cruel. You're a human being who's been hurt. Of course you're angry. You have the right to anger. You should have the right to express it in any way you want to, not just to write it in your private diary, but to yell and scream and fight back. But you got punished and had to take your own words back, when you did the least possible expression of it, writing it down privately.

Here's a post that feels relevant, explaining why it's wrong for parents to suppress anger in their children. Here's another one on importance of anger.

They know that any sign of your anger is a proof of their abuse, and that's why they're fighting so hard to suppress it. If they put that energy in trying to be good parents, they could have been great parents to you. They made their choices. Just based on this shameless and gross invasion of privacy and trying to control even your thoughts, it sounds like they have narcissistic tendencies, and they should not be trusted with a child.

I wish I could give you the checklist you asked for, but I have no experience whatsoever on parents, or people, who are being sucked into conspiracy theories, I think I've read articles about it, on topics like QAnon, explaining the phenomena, I'll try to find the post explaining why do people fall for conspiracy theories in general. Here it is. I hope it helps.

If anyone has more resources on conspiracy theories or knows about a checklist, please link it to this post.

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[nelkcats]

Family Trip

Danny loved her, like a sister, a daughter or something in between, but Ellie was happy as long as he was there to take care of her. She felt protected but couldn't stay forever.

She had already explored the whole world, and as interesting as the Infinite Realms seemed in reality they didn't interest her that much. Ellie was sure she needed to go further, but she didn't know how to let Danny know. So she simply told him straight out, that the universe they were in was no longer enough for her.

Danny accepted it, and told her that there were many other universes that she could explore, he told her that Clockwork had told him about some of them. Ellie was excited, she could travel more, but for the first time she hesitated, and realized that she didn't want to travel alone.

She asked Danny if he wanted to travel with her and he gave her the flattest look in existence.

"Obviously I'm going to travel with you" he said. And that was that. No discussion, no questions asked.

They both packed a couple of backpacks as if they were going hiking and asked Clockwork. He just tossed them Dan's thermos before offering them a method of travel. Danny frowned but opened the thermos anyway and dragged Dan with them as he yelled about injustices and upset families.

They ended up in Gotham, in front of a man with a helmet and a guy dressed as a stoplight. Danny waved and asked them for a chat (he probably wanted to ask for directions) while Dan sulked in the back. Ellie looked at the architecture curiously.

Unfortunately for Danny, the stoplight guy pulled out a sword and the helmet guy pulled out a gun. They both looked tense as they looked between the three of them. Danny frowned (his green eyes glinting with annoyance) before nodding towards Ellie and Dan and disappearing.

Thus began their vacation in a world where everyone wanted to shoot them; Danny felt at home, Dan wanted to steal an exotic candy called crypto-something and Ellie was happy to explore.

Their family trip had officially begun.

[crimson-nail]

same guy

[astrangerlately]

[worstloki]

there is a difference between being born to a throne, maliciously vying for a throne, stealing a throne, and having a throne thrust upon you when you are already in the midst of an identity crisis. And I fear Loki's place in the line of succession has people unable to differentiate between any of these

[the-casbah-way]

forgive the brief jesus chris superstar rant but. there is a very important difference between the pharisees being villains and the pharisees being antagonists. they're technically antagonists because they're actively working against the interests of our protagonist, but i don't believe they should ever be played as villains. they're not evil or bad or wrong. they're terrified just like literally everyone else in the show is, and their actions are completely justified. to me that's the entire point of the musical. it's not about christianity; it's about the impact the roman empire's brutal and violent imperialism had on everyone on all levels. including jesus and judas, but also including the pharisees, and even herod and pilate. when a powerful coloniser forces their presence on innocent people they are the only winners. everyone else suffers, even the puppet kings and high priests who look like they're reaping some sort of benefit from it all. that's roman propaganda. the romans kept native rulers like herod and caiaphas in power to maintain the illusion of provincial autonomy, and keep populations appeased and therefore under control. everyone in the show is acting out of fear of the romans. the one roman character we do see (pilate) is acting out of fear of his own emperor. it makes no sense to cast the pharisees as two dimensional Bad Guys, especially when the same productions that do that usually offer a sympathetic portrayal of pilate. it would be so easy to stage and direct a production in a way that makes it obvious that the pharisees are doing what they're doing because they truly have no choice, and not because they're pure evil and want to kill jesus for the sake of it. it's not only an antisemitic trope but also undermines a really important theme of the musical. if you can see the humanity in the violent roman governor installed forcefully on conquered land then you can afford some humanity for the pharisees too. they are victims of pilate and victims of rome just like everyone else

[cheecats]

Erin Hunter POV:

[qtubbo]

I feel so inherently bad for Ramon on the fact that him beating and killing Tubbo in just this pent up rage and just emotional stress, is wanted. Tubbo wants Ramon to hit him, he wants it to hurt, he wants to die, he is convinced he deserves it that this is a good punishment (he told Sunny directly that). Ramon wants to get Tubbo to stop, but he’s just being used to fuel this self-destructive attitude, one that he’s tried to get Tubbo to stop multiple times.

[lovecoredeity]

fun scene idea that I’ll probably never get around to drawing: someone grabbing a wanted poster from a board or wall only to reveal a missing persons poster featuring the same person as on the wanted poster underneath it (also the reward for them as a wanted person is higher than the reward for returning them when they were missing)

[popomerrygamz]

Sorry for the Homestuck 2 hot take, but I really like James Roach’s new direction for the project. You can really feel the joy behind it, makes it feel fun again.

[zxal]

let's meet again

[guqin-and-flute]

I can't get over how much Xichen loves Wangji I just

[astrangerlately]

[bpdohwhatajoy]

I really hate the way a lot of healing is presented. It’s not some “uwu flowers and sunshine everything is great!!!!” shit. That’s fake, disingenuous, and not realistic. If your recovery isn’t like that, don’t think you’re not making progress. That’s more toxic positivity than anything.

Recovery is gritty. It’s not never breaking down. It’s not never feeling bad. It’s not never feeling unhealthy urges. You’ll still break down (albeit less eventually but there will still be times of that). You’ll feel bad at times. It’s impossible to avoid negative emotions completely. They’re apart of life. It’s trying your best to resist urges and extending compassion to yourself when you do give in. You’ll still feel the urges. In fact I feel them quite often. It’s not never giving into them. It’s understanding that giving in is bad for you so you try your best to fight them off.

At first it might not even look like progress. You might think nothing is happening. You might feel hopeless. But progress with this stuff is slow. I mean think about it. You’ve been doing so badly for so long. You’re traumatized. Do you think you can undo that all overnight? It may take awhile to even see results. This is a gradual process. Don’t give up on it because it could take awhile.

Recovery is often confronting heavy things that have plagued you for years so actually a lot of negative feelings do come up. But the fact you’re confronting them and coping is proof that you’re healing and making progress.

Recovery involves finally standing up for yourself with people. It’s finally asserting your needs and stating how you feel rather than just sucking shit up and suppressing how you feel. It’s honoring your feelings rather than punishing yourself for feeling them or acting like feeling them is a wrong. It’s not tolerating mistreatment anymore. It’s saying ENOUGH. You can’t treat me like that. I value myself enough to not engage with that so I’m walking away and not letting them back no matter how they try to manipulate you.

Recovery is hard. It’s a lot of work. It’s getting kicked down and standing up with blood and bruises and taking care of the wounds. It’s not giving up even when you want to. It’s holding out hope for better days even if better days seem impossible. It’s also incredibly lonely which no one tells you. When you’re healing and putting up with shit less often, the same toxic people who banked on your tolerance won’t like how you are now so you will probably lose a lot of relationships either from you choosing to walk away or them not wanting wanting to stick around anymore since you’re finally not tolerating their shit. 2023 is the year of me losing the most relationships that I have over the course of a year I think but it’s also the best I’ve been doing mentally. Despite how lonely it gets, don’t give up on recovery and healing. Being alone is better than being drained by awful people.

Recovery is not putting up with mistreatment even when you think it’s what you deserve. Even though you feel worthless, you don’t let people treat you like that. You hopefully will get to a place where you feel good about yourself (I’m not there yet) but for the meantime it’s the action. Sure you feel bad about yourself but you stop letting people treat you like that.

You deserve to heal. You deserve to have your emotions honored. You deserve better from people. You deserve the hope that things can get better. Maybe you’re not at a point where this is possible. It wasn’t for me for many years. But when you start to undergo healing, revisit this post and you’ll see what I mean. I wish you all the best.

[amhrosina]

was talking to my best friend about frank castle and how i feel like i’ve never understood a character as much as i do frank and she just nonchalantly goes

“do you think that’s because you relate to him?”

and i was taken aBACK like bitch i did not need you to point that out to me but thank you for the absolute crisis this is going to cause me