#quite literally shaped like a giant ice cream cone and that's not at all an embarassing place to work at all

[milo-is-rambling]

Woke up from a nap in the middle of a panic attack because my mom was moving furniture around in the living room and hitting stuff off my bedroom wall while moving the bird cages and while in this panicked state trying to remember where I was what time it was and that it was in fact not my dad cleaning the bird cages on the other side of the wall I decided I NEEDED to digitally submit an application for the same snowcone place I brought a physical application in cause they never got back to me and the actual adults who run the place said they never got a hold of the physical copy I left (thank you teenagers who work there who never gave them my application that was super cool and swag of you 😑) so now I'm on the verge of a panic attack about getting my life together while waiting for my Apple Pencil to charge so I can fill out the application on my iPad and this all happened because I woke up from a dream about traveling the United States in my van and no one knowing my name or my backstory and being able to lie to strangers and when I woke up it felt like I needed to run away as soon as possible or the world would end so now I'm back to trying to make money

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Carnival date headcanons with kalim, cater, epel, jack, and malleus please?

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Kalim’s so excited to explore the carnival--he wants to see and do everything at least once, hauling you from one attraction to another with sparkling eyes. He can scarcely stay at a food or gaming stall for long without something else grabbing his attention and rushing over to it, your hand clasped in his.

Just as he wants to experience it all, Kalim also wants to taste it all. He’ll put down the Madol to buy a ton of snacks, and he insists on feeding it all to you! You just can’t say no to your boyfriend when he plucks off a tuft of cotton candy and holds it out to you, or stuffs some funnel cake in your mouth.

Kalim doesn’t mind the “kiddie” attractions; he treats them just the same as the more adrenaline pumping rides. He’ll jump around in a bouncy castle or spin around and around on the merry-go-round happily, a wide grin plastered on his face.

He doesn’t realize that carnival games tend to be rigged against you, so he just keeps shelling out money when he doesn’t win until he finally does! Kalim really wants to nab that grand prize for you though Jamil will scold him later for frivolously spending! When he finally does, he’s so proud of himself that he beams like the sun as he hands over a massive otter plush and claims a victory kiss.

Cater will want to take as many cool looking photos as he can to commemorate the date! That means lots of couple selfies sharing snacks, making silly faces in cute accessories, and posing with prizes from carnival booths.

He elects for something savory while you’re exploring the carnival! There’s nothing like a carton of nachos or fries drenched in cheese, shredded veggies, and greasy meat! Of course, it gets a bit messy to eat--but rather than use a napkin to wipe things up, Cater cheekily kisses your fingers and licks up the remains of your snack.

Cater likes the idea of playing carnival games, but he’s not very successful at winning them. In fact, he would rather use a ring for taking an aesthetic picture rather than play ring toss! (You get a lot of confused looks from the stall runners when he thanks them for lending him “props” for his MagiCam account.)

Instead of games, you visit the balloon artist, who twists up a crown for you--and though it looks goofy, Cater insists that it’s a piece befitting royalty! He drags you into the hall of mirrors, and you spend hours there in the maze, bouncing into a thousand of you and Cater in silly balloon crowns. When you finally find the exit, the sun is setting--the perfect backdrop for one final date selfie.

Epel wants to go on all the high excitement rides! No merry-go-round for you guys, it’s all about the roller coasters and bumper cars! He’ll let his hair down and scream as much as he wants as you’re plummeting from a drop or smashing his car against yours.

For a carnival snack, you share a caramel or candy apple--but because the apple’s so round, it’s hard for you to find a place to bite! Eventually, you and Epel agree to try chomping on the apple from opposite ends at the same time to keep the fruit from slipping around on its skewer. It kind of works, but the sticky sugar clings to your hair and Epel’s! You use a moistened napkin to help clean one another up before you chow down on your shared treat.

He gets pissed off while playing carnival games! The people running the game stalls tease Epel, calling him a little kid and implying he won’t be able to win a big prize no matter how hard he tries. Joke’s on them--Epel manages to score a win while they’re distracted laughing! With a snide grin, he lets you know that you can pick whatever prize you like from the stall.

At the end of the day, you’re both tuckered out and don’t feel like going on another roller coaster, so you agree for your final ride to be on the ferris wheel. You reach the apex and look out to see a shimmering sunset, the sky red like an apple and the sun like an wobbling yolk sinking into the horizon. Epel sneaks a shy peck on your cheek while you’re distracted--and that sets both your faces aflame.

Jack allows you to lead him around the carnival and determine which attractions and rides you want to engage with. He only intervenes when he thinks it’s a bad idea (like if you ate before trying to get onto a roller coaster) and will propose an safer alternative for the sake of your safety and wellbeing.

He’s not a fan when it comes to most carnival foods--they’re deep fried and dipped in too much sugar, and Jack insists he needs to stay in shape for Track and Field Club! You manage to convince him to grab a bag of popcorn to munch on throughout the day, and you take turns tossing pieces for the other to try and catch in your mouths.

Jack’s a beast (both literally and figuratively) when it comes to carnival games! He can score hoops, whack moles, dunk tanks/hit targets, and win tests of strength easily, netting you an entire army of new giant prize plushies!

You spend most of the date on your feet, but if they start to feel sore, Jack volunteers to give you a lift to let you rest. Be it princess carry or piggyback ride, he makes sure to handle you carefully as you thread through the carnival grounds with you clinging to him.

Wherever Malleus walks, the crowds instinctively part for him (whether in fear or in reverence, you’re not certain). This makes it far easier for the two of you to navigate the bustling carnival crowds, though if you ever do get separated, it’s not that hard to spot a tall, horned guy in the middle of a sea of people.

He’s fascinated by the variety of snacks offered at carnivals and spends a long time choosing what he’d like to eat. In the end, Malleus settles for his favorite: ice-cream! You follow suit, grabbing a different flavor than him--but curiosity gets the better of both of you, and you end up briefly exchanging cones to sample one another’s choices, resulting in indirect kisses!

The game stall employees call Malleus out for using his insane magical abilities to cheat (”Oi, oi, oi, you can’t just levitate the ball like that, young man!”), so he’s forced to play without them. Though Malleus is generally elegant, he lacks the skill needed to win any of the games. He does eventually accumulate enough attempts to get a pity prize, but he still gets gloomy and sulks about his loss.

Some of the kids at the carnival mistake Malleus for a costumed performer because of his horns and pointed ears! They swarm around him, asking for pictures and jokes or clinging to his legs, finding his regal way of speaking to be funny! You do eventually shoo them off, but that didn’t stop you from giggling when you saw one of the greatest magicians in the world getting mobbed by children--and taking it quite well, too!

[ladykissingfish]

Amusement Park/Carnivals with the Akatsuki

Hidan

Hidan won’t ever admit this, but most amusement park rides scare him to death. He doesn’t feel comfortable on any machine that he can’t control, and he’s been plagued with a profound fear of heights since he was a child. He covers up this fear and avoids rides by continuously saying how “boring” everything is; although he CAN handle on-the-ground things like bumper cars or lazy water-rafting rides. One time Kisame goaded him into riding The Giant Drop, and afterwards Hidan’s hands had to be forcibly pried off of the bar by three different people. Like Deidara, he’s a fan of the games and will avidly compete with the others (and sometimes strangers) to win the biggest prize/achieve the highest score. Also totally into anything horror-based (like a “haunted house” or “spooky maze”); not because he finds them scary but because he thinks it’s hilarious what they try to pass off as scary. Sometimes will hide behind things within these attractions and jump out to scare people himself, until he’s caught and made to leave by the workers. Ridiculously huge fan of popcorn and will have multiple bags throughout the course of the day.

Deidara

This guy LOVES rollercoasters. The more loops and twists the better, the faster the more awesome. He’ll stand in line as long as necessary to ride these speed demons over and over, grinning and shouting like a madman the whole time. He can be persuaded to go on the slower, tamer rides by his fellow Akatsuki members (like a Tilt-A-Whirl) but will groan and loudly complain about how lame they are. A big fan of the park fare, in particular anything on a stick and/or covered with melted cheese. Has to be reminded to time his snacking correctly and let his food digest so that he doesn’t end up puking during a coaster’s upside-down loop. Not really a fan of water-based rides because they mess up his Perfectly Straight™️ hair. Also likes to compete against Itachi and Hidan in games; Konan will always go home loaded down with stuffed animals because the three will go overboard trying to outdo each other. Deidara also has somewhat of a mean sense of humor; when boarding roller coasters, he always seeks out the ones who look like they’re about to crap their pants in fear. He’ll manage to put a low-grade explosive underneath their car, not strong enough to blow a hole on it but loud enough to make a noise as though something is very wrong with the coaster. The person will, of course, go into a full-blown panic; and Deidara will laugh himself silly over his “harmless” prank.

Kakuzu

Thinks that things like this are a horrible scam and waste of money ... as a customer. However, as with any possible business opportunity, he’s ready with the capital and the ideas for him to turn a buck. Likely he’ll keep it simple and open up a souvenir stand within the grounds; for some reason people are always willing to spend a ridiculous amount of money on poorly-made trinkets when they’re surrounded by smiling idiots and happy music. He’s willing to cut one or two of his fellow Akatsuki comrades into his action as cheap labor, but nobody wants to leave their fun to help the old grinch con people. At the end of the day, when his shop or stand or whatever he has is sold out of its wares/closed, he can possibly POSSIBLY be persuaded to go on one of the tamer rides (Konan will push for them all going on the Ferris wheel after dark because the lights make it look pretty).

Kisame

Has to be persuaded to go to things like this; he really isn’t comfortable in crowds because everybody (strangers) always stare at him. Once he finally breaks down and goes, however, he has such a good time that he doesn’t want to leave. Rides are a bit of a complication for him (because of his long legs) but he manages to make it work. He especially likes anything that goes out on a man-made river or water path. Kisame’s food of choice is seafood, which is quite hard to find at amusement parks; but sometimes he’ll luck out and find a stand that sells fish tacos. Used to like playing the games but was put off of them after one time when he did the ring-the-bell with the hammer thing, and ended up breaking the hammer. And the bell. And the stand that both things were on.

Tobi

Tobi is always down for spending a fun afternoon with the group, and he thinks amusement parks are great ... except for one teeny tiny thing: Tobi is absolutely terrified of “characters”. The people who walk around in colorful costumes scare the bejesus out of Tobi, which is pretty damn ironic, considering he wears a mask himself. In fact his own face gear has caused him trouble at places like this ... some characters see him walking around and assume he’s one of them, but when they approach him to see why he’s goofing off — Tobi runs in the other direction, screaming. Deidara usually has to chase him (and calm him) down, and placate the scaredy-cat by going on the kiddie rides with him. Yes, the kiddie-rides. Two grown men being shut into the Teacups or the Flying Dumbo ride or picking out horses on the carousel is always an amusing sight for all, none more so than Hidan who will conveniently show up in time to take pictures and use it as blackmail over Deidara’s head for the rest of his natural life. Tobi also really likes the sweetness of the food, and if no one’s keeping an eye on him, there’s a good chance he’ll OD on a mix of funnel cakes, churros and cotton candy.

Zetsu

Sadly for the carnivorous plant-man, nobody ever tells him when everybody is going to a place like this. It’s not because they don’t enjoy spending time with Zetsu, and it’s not because they’re trying to be mean, but — Zetsu has a problem with self-control. Like Tobi, if Zetsu sees something he wants to eat, then he has to have it, at all costs. Park days are supposed to be stress-free, and nobody feels like having to keep watch on Zetsu to make sure he isn’t getting ready to snatch a baby out of a stroller or lure a delicious-looking child away from his mother.

Sasori

As with most things in life that are fun, Sasori is simply not interested. However, he’ll be persuaded to join the others through the constant pushing ((whining)) of his younger partner Deidara, or the childlike Tobi. It’s hard to tell what Sasori finds enjoyable, because his expression NEVER CHANGES. The same calm, blank look stays on his face whether on 360 degree roller coaster or being jumped at by a blood-drenched ghoul in a haunted house. The only time anyone sees him crack a smile is when a kid runs past him, trips on his shoelaces and lands face-first on his own ice cream cone. Although it’s not immediately obvious, Sasori DOES really enjoy people-watching, and places such as these provide the ideal, eclectic set of humans for him to sit and observe.

Itachi

When it comes to amusement parks or carnivals, Itachi isn’t really much one for the rides. Or the people. What he IS into, is being with the others. Watching his teammates faces light up on the rides, hearing their delighted shrieks, or shoving decadent treats into their mouths like giddy children. It’s a feeling of normalcy, of blending into the crowd with no stress, no combat, no blood or death or destruction; just fun. Itachi IS very much into what passes for games at these places. As with most things he finds everything to be ridiculously easy, and enjoys teasing Deidara and Hidan about his wins. Something else he enjoys is going on the water-rides with Kisame, as the guy gets really, REALLY happy anytime he’s around water. However he also has to keep a close eye on him to make sure that he stays seated/buckled in to whatever contraption they’re on; there’s been quite a few times when the entire group has come close to being kicked out because Kisame can’t help jumping in the water and swimming, which is against the rules (AND a scary sight to the children who believe they’re being stalked by a giant shark). Like Tobi, Itachi is a fan of sweets (although far less compulsive about it) and will consume more candy-apples than is probably healthy.

Konan/Pein

As a God, Pein won’t deign to visit such a lowly attraction as an ‘amusement’ park. What’s amusing about a bunch of mortals spending their hard-earned money to ride poorly put together machines and eat unhealthy foods? However, he will send Konan in his stead, to keep an eye on the other members. Konan enjoys being out and walking around the fresh air and sunshine. Her favorite attraction by far is the fun house; she loves the moving floors, the trippy optical illusions, the odd music. The distorted mirrors especially tickle her fancy, and she’ll spend a long time moving back and forth and looking at the different shapes the mirror makes her body. No matter what anyone else is doing, if Konan announces she’s going to the fun house, literally everybody will drop their plans and go with her. Konan is somebody who projects an air of seriousness and maturity almost all the time, so the other Akatsuki members relish any situation where they can hear the beautiful, almost child-like sound of her laughter. Those who play games will also compete to win her the biggest stuffed animal, and she’s the only one who won’t get her hand slapped away if she reaches for one of the snacks the others buy for themselves.

[neerasrealm]

We literally need more laughing dad.... Please do something with the toddler twins where lj takes them to a carnival and can't help but spoil them with everything they want. And he ends up winning them a giant teddy bear :')

LAUGHING DAD LAUGHING DAD I AM HAPPY TO PROVIDE. Sorry this one took a bit!! I took a brief break from requests to work on original fics, but I'm back now!

‘’So wha’ did you’s fink?’’ Jack asked as he stepped out of the giant striped tent of the big top. Jack was a clown, and he looked right at home amongst the pop-up carnival. He was tall, and dressed completely in black and white. His nose was shaped like a cone and striped black and white, as were his big strong arms and his long, long socks. Though he looked like one of the clowns you’d find inside the big top, he was not with them. No, Jack was with his own family. Specifically, his two girls. Jasmine and Jasmine. He held the girls in his arms, carrying them as he walked.

‘’I’ wuz fun!’’ Jasmine chirped. Though the girls were identical, Jack could tell them apart easily. He grinned at her.

‘’I’ wuz borin’.’’ Juliette muttered from the other arm. Jack turned to her. ‘’I’ wuz all th’ stuff you do! We can see all ‘f tha’ a’ ‘ome.’’ the tiny girl folded her arms. Jack laughed gently and bounced her a bit.

‘’Ah, c’mon Jules. Can’tcha apprecia’e a big scale show?’’ he asked. ‘’Those people train ‘ard ta make their shows grea’. An’ they do much more’n I do.’’

‘’Yeah!’’ Jasmine piped up. ‘’There wuz so many ‘f ‘em a’ once! I’ wuz grea’!’’

‘’Hmph.’’ was all Juliette replied with. ‘’I still fink da is cooler.’’

‘’Heheh.’’ Jack laughed a bit as he walked away from the tent. ‘’Well they did ‘ave a tigh’rope walker. Y’know Slender would never le’ me do tha’ a’ ‘ome,’’ He looked down at the girl and gave her a sly grin. ‘’E says I migh’ give you’s ideas.’’

Juliette stared up at him for a moment before a smirk crawled up her face. Jack smiled in satisfaction and looked away from her. "Anyway," he continued. "Wha' do ye wanna see next, me li'le bin lids?"

"Can we play some've th' games?" Jasmine asked excitedly.

"I wan' ice cweam!" Juliette, who hadn't quite mastered the R sound yet, added. Jack laughed at them both and nodded.

"I fink we can do ice cream, then we'll check ou' th' games." He said. The two girls in his arms grinned with excitement. Jack walked through the carnival, humming happily to himself. He was in his element here. Surrounded by noise, laughter and holding his two beloved daughters in his arms. He stopped at the ice cream stall and looked over the menu. "Righ', girls. Wha're we ge'in'?"

Juliette hummed for a moment. "Wainbow shewber' an' cookie dough," She finally said. "In a spwinkle cone."

Jack laughed. "Good choice, lass." He said. He turned to Jasmine. "Wha' abou' you, swee'ear'?"

"Mmm…" Jasmine thought long and hard for a moment. "Strawberry." She finally said.

"Tha' all?"

"Yeh."

"Alrigh', we'll 'ave-"

"WAI'-" Jasmine interrupted her dad before he could order. "...I'll 'ave chocola'e fudge, please." She added softly. Jack grinned at her and chuckled.

After he'd ordered ice cream for all three of them, Jack began walking calmly through the crowd again. "Da! Da!!" Jasmine's sudden excitement and her small hand patting his shoulder quickly made Jack look away from his rock road ice cream. He looked down at her and tilted his head. The small girl excitedly turned and pointed at one of the stalls by them. A hit the can game, with tons of stuffed animals hanging up as prizes. Jasmine was pointing at one in particular. A gigantic pink rabbit. "Do ya fink ye could win tha'?"

Jack frowned for a second. "I dunno…" no doubt the rabbit was one of the hardest to earn prizes.

"Oh c'mon da!" Juliette squeaked next to him. "Ye can do i'!" He looked down at her. Juliette was grinning wide, her eyes practically sparkling. Jack softened and smiled.

"Awrigh'." He said gently as he walked over to the stall. He sat the girls down on the counter and handed Jasmine his ice cream. "Old this fer a second, Jas." He said as he reached into his sleeve and pulled out the money he needed for the game. He paid and was given three small grey balls. He smirked. Just knock over the cans and win his girls a prize. Easy.

He grabbed a ball, leaned back, and threw the ball. It hit the bottom row of cans and bounced off. Jack frowned. That should have worked- he let out a short breath and grabbed the second ball. Okay, no biggie. That was just a fluke. He pulled back his arm and threw the ball, harder this time. Again it bounced. He blinked.

"This game's fockin' rigged." He mumbled to himself. He glanced down at the twins, who were watching him intently. They probably hadn't realised the game was rigged. He hardened his expression and smirked as he grabbed the last ball. "Watch me now, girlies." He said as he leaned back, winding up for a much stronger throw. His arm stretched a bit to give him extra distance, and then he lunged forward, throwing the ball as hard as he could.

The ball hit the bottom row of cans so hard the glue sticking them to the bench broke instantly. The cans were all stuck together, so when one fell, the rest went with it. Jasmine and Juliette cheered as Jack grinned to himself. He turned to the shocked stall attendant with a smug expression.

"I'll take th' rabbi', please."

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #271

“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”

Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.

[glitterdustcyclops]

so tumblr, what incredibly petty, ridiculous things are you fully planning on literally dying mad about? cuz for me, there are two very specific incidents in my life that i have actually out-loud sworn to still be bitter about while lying on my deathbed, both of them involving food establishments that have wronged me

okay this post got wildly out of hand (i am a dramatic bitch) so the rest is under the cut

first, the Saga of the Medium Dipped cone. so a few years back when i still lived in vegas, a brand new dairy queen opened up a few blocks away from my house which was personally like a gift from the heavens. idk if u know this abt me, but literally one of my favoritest things on this earth is a chocolate-dipped vanilla soft serve cone, and honestly tbh nobody does it as good as my queen of dairy do. so i was excited to have such unfettered access to my supplier so wonderfully close to my abode, and as soon as i noticed they were open, i begged my dad to take me one day. now, i may love a dipped cone but i’m not an animal, so when drivethru dude asked what size i wanted for my frosty chocolate treat, i said medium. sensible, i thought. not pathetically tiny, but not complete hedonism either. a reasonable amount of chocolate-shelled cream to apply directly to my face parts, or so i thought.

cuz what i in fact received from drivethru dude was a giant fucking cone,literally almost a foot of that fuckin sugar styrofoam nonsense  (easily the worst part of the ice cream cone experience we are all in agreement, right?) with maybe abt a half an inch of soft serve on top, hastily slathered in some chocolate shell. and y’know, i understand mistakes can be made sometimes, so i asked my dad to double check the sitch, because that didn’t seem like my previous experiences with a medium dq dipped cone. so my dad is like “this was supposed to be medium?” and this guy, this fucking guy, looks my dad straight in the face with his cold, lifeless demon eyes and goes “oh, well, it’s just the cone that’s larger.”

THE CONE. THAT IS LARGER. JUST THE CONE. JUST THE CONE. *deep breaths* i like to think i’m a reasonable person, esp when it comes to exhausted retail/food service workers. we’re all just trying to get that bread, i understand. but yall. YALL. i about leapt over my father into that fuckin window and pummeled this dumb motherfucker. THE CONE. the fUCKING CONE IS LARGER.

i came home actually, literally, ranting about how the fuck this fuckin guy thought he could get away with giving me a “medium” dipped cone that was literally just a small ice cream in a giant ice cream package. i ate the cone, of course, and it turned to ashes in my mouth. my heart grew as icy cold as the pathetic amount of soft serve i consumed, and merely a moment later, it was gone. and my mom, my beautiful perfect precious mom was just like “next time you go, just get a small cone, and proportionally it will be more ice cream!” which honestly, is just a portal to madness at that point.

so anyway, me and the moms went back a few weeks later and i thought surely, surely they wouldn’t try that shit again, right? it was just a fluke? just a single, cruel person who hadn’t known love or joy and was too fuckin lazy to make my ice cream properly, but this time, surely, it would be different. dairy queen could redeem themselves! i believed in the power of redemption!! second chances!! so i, like an idiot, ordered a medium. dipped. cone.

AND GUESS WHAT I FUCKIN GOT. GUESS. GO ON. YOU’LL NEVER GUESS. because it was actually, somehow, less ice cream than last time, still on a medium-sized cone. like which demon thought when i ordered a medium-sized ice cream cone what i was really hoping for, what my truest heart’s desire, was a medium-sized empty-ass cone to eat. ice cream, guys. ice cream is what you serve, ice cream is what i thought i was ordering what is WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. i was livid.

and from that day forth, i actually and literally swore that i would go to my literal and actual grave still seeking vengeance upon this establishment that had wronged me so egregiously. every time i go to a diary queen now i order a medium dipped cone, almost spitefully, and wait to see what they give me. thus far no one else has been dumb enough to try the “oh it’s just a larger cone” bullshit on me, and i haven’t had to try and nuke the entirety of dairy queen as a brand from orbit. for now.

my second story isn’t quite as dramatic but definitely still just as petty and ridiculous. this is The Sushi Incident, and it goes like this: when we first moved to utah, me and mom were shopping around for a sushi restaurant. our expectations for the food culture in this state had been already thoroughly disillusioned by this point, and after a few too many 4-star yelp reviews that surely must have been posted sarcastically led us down some dark, dark paths, we were desperate for anything approaching edible at this point. and so we hit up a pretentious looking place near where i worked, and it was busy and loud and took forever for us to get a table, but i was trying to be positive here. and i was looking over the menu and it actually kind of all looked terrible but-positive, i’m trying to be positive here, so i was searching for something that sounded good. and i noticed- under the basic sushi rolls, there was something missing. my number one, go-to staple sushi order. my version of the cheeseburger. my safe haven, that thus far not even the worst restaurant has managed to ruin for me. the rainbow roll. (yes, 95% of the reason i order it is because it’s called a rainbow roll, and therefore, it is the gayest sushi option).

so i asked the waiter, innocently, curiously, oh, do you guys not have a rainbow roll on your menu? and this monster, this eldritch abomination in the shape of a white guy (it’s always fuckin white guys, isn’t it) stared at me, like i’m fucking with him. complete blank face. like i was veering wildly off menu here, some demanding spoiled brat asking for herculean tasks in my honor. the fuckin grocery store makes rainbow rolls. this is entry level bullshit. i tried halfheartedly to explain-y’know, it’s a california roll, but it’s got slices of raw fish on top. like, c’mon dude. it’s the ham-and-cheese sandwich of the sushi rolls. and he just shrugged awkwardly and wandered off.

i don’t remember what we ended up ordering that night, i think i blocked the traumatic experience from my memory. but i do remember appending another black mark to my Record, and one day i know that i’m going to be old and withered, in a hospital somewhere surrounded by generations of my family, my wife beside me holding my hand. and i’m going to beckon towards one of my great grandchildren, and i’m going to pull them close, and i’m going to whisper they didn’t fuckin know what a rainbow roll was and then my heart is going to stop beating. those will be my last words.

so, like, pls, tell me i’m not the only one with these ridiculous stupid petty grudges against things?? pls???