#ranting/venting but make it dramatic for no reason

[variksel]

at what point am i to blame for what adhd does to me. at what point is it "adhd made it fucking physically impossible for me to focus today so i didnt do much work and hate it" versus just "i didnt do much work." am i allowed to feel shitty about it or is that just wallowing

[itsahotsecondafter]

.

[gloomysarchive]

♡︎ Alphabet Soup Series ♡︎

abc headcanons || miles42 x black gn!reader

M} — move

he’d take so long to initially ask you out, but he’d do it romantically when he finally plucks up the courage. it's been hard for him to get close to someone ever since his dad died, so you'd have to be patient. he didn't know what to get you as a token of his affection. flowers? what if you were allergic? candy? What if you didn't like candy? So he went with something simple, something he did best; he gifted you a portrait he made of you. he played it off all cool like "it ain't even my best work fr" "i can do better than that, yk?" basically trying to prepare himself if you turned him down.

╰╴he's genuinely surprised when you don't reject him. he didn't show it, but he was happy as hell.

I} — interests

he wants to know what you like. he'll check out anything you put him on to, really. movies, shows, artists, books, etc. he'll listen to you rant and ramble about your interests, and he'll nod along, hanging onto every word like it's the most important thing he's ever been told — and he genuinely feels that way. he'll keep tabs on what you like, and give you updates like "oh i heard it's getting a second season", "i think that's getting an adaption, you tryna see it when it comes out?"

╰╴ also, if he sees anything remotely related to your interests, he'll buy it. he hates not knowing what to give people, which is another reason why he pays close attention to what you're into. he keeps all types of merch in his cart so he'll never run out of gift ideas.

L} — love

it'd take even longer for him to finally say "i love you". those three lil words carry a lot of weight to him, and he can't just be throwing them around like it's nothing. he wants to make sure he can trust you, if you're actually his and not just playing with him. once he does say it, tho, he'd be dramatic about it.

╰╴"I need to talk to you rq," "ok... what's up?"

he'd stare at you, silently, studying you for a bit as he tries to build up the courage. he'd take your hands in his, holding them tenderly. he'd give them a gentle squeeze — then, he'd say it.

╰╴♡︎ “Eres tan preciosa para mí. Te quiero...”

E} — emotions

he doesn't like being vulnerable; it takes a while for him to open up to you, but he eventually does, piece by piece. he'd tell you what he stresses about or his other hopes and dreams. he plans to get you and his mama away from all the chaos of the city.

╰╴and he's there for you just as much as you are for him. He listens patiently when you're ranting or venting about something that's bothering you. he waits until you're done talking and tries his best to calm you down after you get worked up and give you advice. other than “i should beat that bitch ass”, he gives really good advice.

S} — sleep

he INSISTS he never sleeps 🙄 he's always up at night doing his vigilante work, protecting what he loves (his city, his mama, you, ofc) but whenever does get the chance to get some rest in, it'd be with you. he'd stop by your place during one of his patrols, just to check on you. y'all would talk for a bit, just enjoying each other's company. then you'd notice how low and hazy his eyes are, and how he's dragging his words a bit.

╰╴"i got shit to do, I can't be tryna go to bed n shit," "i'm not sayin' go to bed, you can take a lil hour nap..." after going back and forth for a while he'd finally give in, with reluctance, flopping onto your bed. he's out almost immediately, clutching you tight as if someone would take you from him while he's asleep.

bear w me y'all I haven't written in a lil bit LMAO

[noodle-shenaniganery]

Hello! You can call me Noodle. I have Fox to thank for that nickname.

If you know why @bear-owo and @mentallyillanimal deactivated their accounts, I would appreciate being told.

Here is a list of reasons to live, if you’re struggling to find some. I’m always here as a friendly stranger, if needed.

If you live in the U.S.A. and are eligible to vote, for the love of god please potentially grit your teeth and vote for Kamala Harris. Please. None of us can handle the wrinkly Cheeto any longer.

Please stop sending me Gaza aid asks and messages. I tried, but I do not have the resources to vet them all and it is negatively impacting my mental health. I have donated to several fundraisers and aid organizations, but I can’t do the ask thing anymore.

Do you feed your pet Blue Buffalo? Please don’t.

About Me

I am nonbinary and neptunic (or lesbian, if that makes more sense, though I’m also likely some flavor of aro/ace?), and go by he/they pronouns. Though, frankly, anything other than she/her pronouns are fine with me.

I am white, trilingual (Portuguese, Spanish, and English), and from Brazil. 🇧🇷 Oi, gente!

I am also autistic, and have *breathes in dramatically* social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, trichotillomania, dermatillomania, and maladaptive daydreaming issues (it isn’t officially a disorder yet). I am able-bodied and have relatively low support needs.

As you may be able to tell, I don’t really have that good of a sense of what is and isn’t private, so I’ll probably answer any questions you may have! Ask away if you feel like it!

My special interests are: snakes, atypical psychology, Greek mythology, and Egyptian mythology. I also like horror as a genre, as well as art in general.

Some more specific things I like, though, include The Owl House, Extraordinary Attorney Woo, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Five Nights At Freddy’s, Heartbreak High, Heartstopper, Young Royals, Gravity Falls, Red, White, And Royal Blue, Nimona, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Melanie Martinez, Sub Urban, Jack Stauber, and Evelyn Evelyn. Feel free to rant to me about any of these!

Warnings

Since I am autistic, I struggle with social interactions and understanding things. I would appreciate patience.

If I make mistakes, please tell me! Also, I swear I am pretty much never trying to be rude, offensive, or insulting, even if it seems that way. If I say something wrong/bigoted/misleading, please let me know! If my blog isn’t accessible, please let me know how I can improve it (I try to include image descriptions on most of my own images, though unfortunately I struggle with adding them to others’). This is meant to be a safe space. :D

Interactions

I love interacting with folks on here! If you ever want to send me a message, or an ask, or a vent, feel free to do so!

I reblog, like… a lot.

I swear occasionally. Not that often, though.

I don’t technically have much of a tagging system, though I do tag posts that involve someone needing help with “help help help” and asks with “ask ask ask ask”.

Terminology Stuff

To avoid misunderstandings, this is how I use certain terms (and honestly, the only ways they should be used):

Nonspeaking - Not able to reliably communicate through speech (long-term).

Nonverbal - Not able to reliably communicate through speech, and sometimes words (long-term).

A lot of people who cannot speak use this term, and it’s important to respect their preferences.

Important posts about these: https://www.tumblr.com/five-thousand-loaves-of-bread/712714609459593216/my-frustration-with-going-nonverbalnonspeaking

https://www.tumblr.com/five-thousand-loaves-of-bread/755083096785813504/wish-people-actually-respect-me-respect-my

Delusion - A clinically recognisable belief held by an individual who cannot be convinced otherwise, even though the belief is objectively false.

Psychotic - Experiencing psychosis: experiencing things disconnected from reality on a clinical level.

Psychopath - Someone who has Anti-Social Personality Disorder (complex history, though).

Narcissist - Someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Do Not Interact List

I don’t really have a DNI list. Just like. Don’t be mean? If you send me something mean, I will likely not be significantly bothered by it.

I am not trying to start fights. If you are trying to start a fight, and not a genuine discussion, please leave.

I do not tolerate hate against my mutuals of any kind. If you are mean to them, respectfully, please get out.

[iid-smile]

#07 ୨ৎ ⸝⸝ 🦢 anon ⋆

you might just be cute... no, you are cute 🫶 i got so excited when i saw an emoji anon for the first time omg!!! took me a decade to find the swan for some reason. anyways everything is as you asked 😌 1 and 10 drabbles and 11 is headcanons!!

#1 🍰 | first kiss

dazai's been watching you the entire day. he was there when you woke up, he was there when you were doing your daily routine, brushing your teeth and the works, but even when you run errands? that's rare.

"i want to kiss you." he whispers, and he knows that you won't hear him, the smirk on his face only growing. you were much too focused, mind shifting from one thing to the next, and you failed to notice dazai creeping closer and closer to you. you failed to realise that the hands coming to your hips behind you were up to something, and you never figured out what.

in that tiny interval of time, in that short, brief moment of weakness as you turned your head away, he turned it right back, fingers holding your chin still as his lips lay upon yours. your eyes widen, staring at his closed ones as you try to process whatever the hell was going on. you weren't even quick enough to kiss back, pulling away and looking down at you from behind.

didnhe expect you to be happy? maybe not. was it worth that adorable pout on your face? absolutely. "why? did you have what the kiss would be like planned in your head?"

you nod.

"was this not it?"

you nod again.

"sorry, rue..." he fakes a frown, his eyebrows furrowing in a way that was nearly believable, but you read him too well.

"you're not sorry at all." you may be annoyed, but your love for him overpowers it, wrapping your pinky around his.

"i'm not."

#10 🍓 | cuddling in the morning

you've been tired all week, working tirelessly while listening to others rant to you. it's want your used to, it's what you always do and you love to help those you love feel better, but when was the last time you've had a vent of your own?

a squeeze on your shoulder rouses you from your sleep, and your eyes start to open, only being able to see the blankets you've buried into since last night. "osamu, you're holding me too tight..." your voice comes out raspy and low, but you're too fatigued to care.

"i know..." dazai squeezes again, his fingers running down to your elbow. "but you're so stiff even though you're in bed. i thought you were having a bad dream." you can tell he's being serious, and he sounds like he's been awake for a good while.

"stress? i don't know." you shuffle a bit, the mattress dipping along with your limbs. "haven't got enough rest lately."

judging by how quiet he grew, he was definitely thinking over the conversation. "you were tossing and turning all night."

"you felt that?"

"heard it too. it kept me awake."

"oh..." a frown appears for a moment on your face, a pang of guilt surrounding your mind.

"it's okay, really." with no struggle, he locates your hand and holds it tight, while moving close enough so that he could spoon you. "now i know that you need someone like your dear beloved here to talk you through it, hm?"

#11 🍓| long distance relationship

most people think dazai wouldn't be loyal, but when it comes to genuine love and interest, he very much is

very frequently writes letters. he's got nice handwriting and we all know it, but he purposely makes some sentences hard to read because he does get a little embarrassed with how truthful he can get

he loves it when you rant to him about anything, because he knows you don't have many people to do that with. always has the best and perfect advice for you too. he's serious about your feelings and thoughts and even encourages you to spill out what you're hiding from him

sometimes leaves work for weeks at a time, only to return and said he's "visited the depths of his heart and found his true love once again"... whatever that means

has the most dramatic hug when he first sees you too. it's tight, you're off your feet, and he's spinning you around (he makes sure to be careful)

would he leave his job to be closer to you? it depends. if you get sick or just ask him to, he will. in his case, it would be him getting injured to the point where he can't manoeuvre well enough to continue

as long as you two are happy with this arrangement you already have going, he doesn't mind waiting until he's past his prime, detective wise

event masterlist

[onesirius-system]

So, hi. My name is Syrus. This is not our usual content for here or on our other account. But I do need to vent in a more public setting than just to my own partners and peers.

I personally do not understand the idea of cancelling or calling out people. It's a negative thing to do and just creates kinda shitty people more than removing them.

When you cancel someone, you are removing them from their platform because you believe they're incapable of change. So instead of educating someone, you just cast them aside and move on.

I'll make a few source references so that some of our fellow marauders/potterworld fans might understand it too.

1. Draco Malfoy: Conveyed as kind of a shitty person for most of the books. But as I've seen countless people say, it's because the narrator *sucks*. Harry was under the belief that Slytherins were these evil, awful people. But really? They were the only ones with any real grip on real life. They all understood that you may not like what you're doing but you'll have to

2. James Potter: Conveyed as a bully, popular jock, a player and just an all around dick. But what is he to the fandom? A ray of fucking sunshine. One who cares so much about his friends and family that it ails him too.

3. Severus Snape: I know I'm a tad biased here. But mans was legit a racist and ableist in the books. He bullied the shit out of Remus because he was a dyslexic half-blood. He loved Lily, yeah but what'd he do with it? Bullied her friends.

So I'd like to propose a different approach to real people. Don't take a bad comment or one personality trait as their downfall. You don't do it to fictional characters so stop doing it to real people. Period. People do shitty things. People say shitty things. People are going to trigger you and piss you off.

Just take it for what it is, block 'em or cut em out and move on. Don't take their content and their persona and make them lose everything because of one thing.

I understand that there are a few things that are inexcusable. And I agree with that. But look at the intent not the action, please.

Example: Peoples' names. Why does it matter to you if someone uses a name from a different culture? Their intent is not to steal from your culture. Chances actually are that they just didn't know, they liked the name and they went with it. Let them and move on. You won't change the world by harrassing someone about their chosen name.

Your opinion is yours and unfortunately the internet while it has some amazing properties, is also a feeding ground for everyone to pose their opinion as a fact. All you have to do for a bit of peace, is let shit go.

I know that is not the easiest thing in the world. But I'm a firm believer in "out of sight, out of mind", "separate the art from the artist", and "you don't have to like it, but you should respect it."

One more little rant.

Our whole system will listen to your side of the story, your reasoning, your preferences, your opinions, your knowledge. But the fucking amazing thing about being human is that you can choose what effects you. While that's a hard ass thing to do, you can. You learn to live with it and you learn to live with other people.

Let me give one more reference. Only because I am more than proud of my host's choice in her name and her reasoning behind it.

Sirius Azrael James chose her whole name.

- She took my source's name because the reason that my source is her safe place is because he is the KING of not giving a fuck, to put it simply. He's dramatic, sassy, flambouyant and incredibly fucking smart and he knows it. And he embraces every moment of it. He grew up in a household where everyone's opinion was inflicted on him and he took the steps required to leave it.

- He took the name Azrael because it means angel of death. He took it for a friend of ours and a few family members that he loved who had passed away. The name makes him feel powerful and safe.

- They took the name James as their last because as an alter, James Fleamont Fucking Potter saved our life. Siri knew they couldn't take Potter, so they took James. It's also our father's who got us out of an awful situation and put us in a safe place.

Sirius is a genderfluid, writer, tattoo artist and a caregiver. They are ridiculously amazing and they want to save *everyone*. They've dealt with so much that I will not explain and they're insanely fucking strong because of it.

Look at the good parts of people that you can relate to and that you like. Don't find the bad ones and just take those and run, please.

My ultimate advice here:

If you wouldn't fault a fake person for it, please stop faulting real people for it.

Might sound like a stupid point but if you can take the good parts out of a fictional character BELIEVE ME you can do it with a real person and love them anyway.

[fluoricacid]

Idk if anyone will even see this but this entire situation makes me so sad. I have truly enjoyed being able to watch the QSMP and see such diverse multicultural fan and creator community flourish for so long. It was so fun to see streamers interact and create stories with people they otherwise would have never spoken to. The fan community is awesome as well. I will miss the people (both streamers and admins) who will not be coming back to the server because of this.

And it really is frustrating, because a lot of this seems so avoidable. Really, seriously, on so many levels, actions could have been taken to fix this situation, even after the situation was initially exposed. I'm disappointed in both Quackity and the higher ups at Quackity studios for not communicating with the admins who have suffered the most from this situation. "Not wanting to raise false hopes" is not, in my opinion, a justifiable reason for complete radio silence for the people working or volunteering at QS. At the very least there need to be updates that inform them that solutions are being worked on, and that the admins are being considered and listened to. Even a general "We cannot give details at the moment, we will update as soon as we are able, your role in the project is being put on hold temporarily" would be better than the absolutely nothing that they received (especially true for Pomme). You can't just do that to people. They are owed the bare minimum of respect.

As for the union, what???? It is their job to advocate for the people they are protecting. That involves contacting and making demands of the companies they are opposing. Posting to twitter/x and waiting for the company in question to reach out is not at all a reasonable or common thing to do. To defend people, you actually need to put some effort in to confront the company you are facing. I think the union also claimed they were investigating and interviewing people, but given their level of professionalism thus far I can't trust how much of that is true.

I really, really hope that the community and server can recover from this. I genuinely really enjoy being here, even through the tough and dramatic times. I hope creators who met on the server continue interacting and being friends. Sorry for the sort-of rant/vent.

[stormyoceans]

Monica I'm really scared. It's ep 11 next week. We haven't got Mork crying. (Sam mentioned to me that we haven't even gotten the day bawling scene from the trailer?) This eye donation thing seems a little bit too happy and hopeful for an ep 11.

I know this sounds bad but I really hope day doesn't regain his sight. Because everything the series built up about how blind people also are able to experience this world will all go down the drain. And some part of me knows p'aof will not do that. But then. It's so cruel. To give Day the eyes, the hope of vision just to yank it back so heartlessly. It's so mean. I am scared for next Friday monica.

i feel like i should probably wait to answer you because rn the episode is still too fresh in my mind and i don't have the emotional detachment necessary to be, if not positive, at least not utterly and embarrassingly overdramatic about this but. my mood really flipped a whole 180 degrees because of that ending and ngl. im not doing too well ;;;;;;;

FAIR AMOUNT OF NEGATIVITY UNDER THE CUT I ALREADY APOLOGIZE FOR IT

the thing is. i don't think the surgery next episode is gonna be successful, but i still so deeply dislike this eye donation plotline regardless of how it's gonna end because what's the point of it? if the surgery is successful and day gets his sight back, then it's gonna defeat the entire message of the show. if the surgery fails and day remains blind, then it just feels completely purposeless since he didn't need this to accept his disability and learn that he can still have a fulfilling life: he had already accepted this at songkhla, and it was perfect. honestly the only reason i can think of for them to go down this road is to have the surgery be unsuccessful now, only to end the series with day getting it again after some years and this time working out to show that 'you should never give up hope'. and i can't even begin to explain just how much that wouldn't sit right with me. and i mean i don't have a disability so i obviously don't have any right to say this, but still

not to mention that i actually still feel like those two moments with day and mork crying that we have yet to see are both related to the two of them breaking up because mork doesn't feel like he can take care of day, so they're gonna make him leave until he can prove to day's mom that he can provide for day. which is another thing i would hate

i just don't understand why would they choose all of this when, instead, p'aof could have had mork and day figuring out their future TOGETHER and BOTH trying to prove to day's mom that they can take care of EACH OTHER. like the show made such a point of making day become more independent and empowered but now they're not allowing him to be. i wanna see him walking outside alone with a cane, i wanna see him go back to school and finish his studies, i wanna see him open up his little bookstore while mork works as a cook. it can still happen, i guess, but i still wish it would have been given more focus

im also the kind of dramatic person who can't be like 'at least we have the first 9 episodes, they were perfect and nothing can ruin them'. unfortunately that's not enough for me. unfortunately i need them to stick the landing or it WOULD ruin the entire show for me. and not being able to get back to it and find comfort in morkday would honestly be heartbreaking for me. and you know, obviously the message and the representation of the show is the most important part in this, but also i would be lying if i said i didn't want to have a damn DVD box set of a jimmysea series to actually hold and enjoy since we won't ever have one for vice versa, but what would be the point of buying the last twilight one if i dislike the ending

ANYWAY. im really sorry ismay, i ended up ranting because i needed to vent but im afraid im only making you feel worse with this ;;;;;;; maybe after i sleep on it i will be a bit more optimistic about this but. im really scared too ;;;;;;; for what is worth im holding your hand and im here for you whatever is gonna happen

[anulithots]

i hath returned (I'm the one who asked about the difference between friendship and QPR)!

So... again if this is intrusive don't answer, but... I ❤️ listening to ppl ramble about their friends/partners and now I suppose I can add qp crushes to the list, cause I actually self destructed reading your posts about them....

Going the long way to ask if you would mind rambling more cause it's very sweet

/not forced

HELLO HELLO!!!! <3 <3 <3

youuu readd thoseee holy herbbsss /pos. Lkjalkfjaksldfadsf.asdkf.

THANk you for the ask but also... by the end of this I'm going to make it too obvious who I'm having a queer platonic crush on but IT"S OKAY... they only follow me and... umm... I don't know if they reciprocate... it's fine if they don't but also I'm too shy to ask...

aksdfjksa

In the eternal words of Norma Khan from dead end, 'her details make me happy'

(and that honestly made crushes make a whole lot more sense in my head. Queer platonic included. Autistic representation is important so that I can understand how the world works actually /hj

No but actually Extraordinary attorney Woo had the autistic MC describe her crush as 'thinking about them along with whales (her hyperfixation) and I was like... oh.

BECAUSE THAT'S DEFINETLY WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW. NEVER BEFORE HAS A REAL PHYSICAL PERSON SPENT THIS MUCH TIME IN MY HEADSPACE AND IT'S WONDEROUS ACTUALLY.)

Okay time to RANT heheh.

So this morning in fact, I made attempts at jokes in my strange sense of humor. None of my family laughed or even thought it was funny. The reason I did that? Even though I knew none of them ever liked my sillies? Because I talked to ✨the person✨ and they not only thought they were silly, but went along with the puedo-roleplay absolute ridiculousness? ANother person on this planet shares my sense of humor and i never thought that was possible ever ever ever.

And they are Hilarious and wondeorus and has the most dramatic sense of humor ever and I love it so much so much and

SO if I make a dark/self-depricating joke then others usually respond with discomfort or reassurance. Which never felt liek the right repsonse and I wondered why I kept asking them only for ✨the person✨ to laugh at it and tell me how silly I was in a silly tone and I think my heart burst.

OH and there's this little Prince quote that's like 'once you love someone you'll see them everywhere because everything will remind you of them' AND YES. HOLY HERBS YES. Sees something from a shared hyper fixation? A neurodivergence thing? Somethign from one of thier hyperfixations and it's like 'oh they would love that' and THEY DO and I can send them all sorts of random things and it's completely okay and

OH AND ALSO THEY HAVE REALLY GOOD LIKE MORALS AND THINGS AND WAY OF PRHASING THAT AND.... IDK.. why I find that so wonderous but IT IS.

Like we'd be chatting about a hyperfixation and it'd morph into a discussion on philosophy/society/suches and such and I LOVE THOSE. ANd ✨the person✨ has such nice way of phrasing those? AMazing points and it's a DISSUCSSION. BEFORE I'VE ONLY EVER INFODUMPED OR BEEN QUIET AND LISTENED BUT THIS? THIs? Back and forth disscussion? It's happiness sparkle explosion inducing.

(Also they don't mind if I vent and it's okay and they say things that make me feel a lot better and kadfjasdfjsakdf)

now I want to say a thing but it's... way too hyperspecific... hmmm... Okay I feel like I can be myself with this person. All my weird questions and comments have responses that are halrious and wonderous and it's okay if it fades into silence and it's okay to get distracted and say random things and it's okay to say sappy things kafjkasd

Also also the way their personality is. Just... hmmm how to describe.... like they act in a way that feels so genuine and.. endearing? I suppose that's the right word. Probably the right word. The way they describe situations like thunder or ladybugs or their favorite games in an overdramatic way or the way they'll say what they think and it's the truth and it's their truth. The way they like things to be semi-the same and the stories they tell and the way the write and the ideas they have. The way their mind works and they way they express those ideas and their mannerisms, what they struggle with and thier greatest strenghts is sooo wonderous and it makes me very happy to talk to them and just.... gah I wish I could know them better and be with them more often but alas.

The obligatory keyboard smash: aklfasldkfjasldkjfkdsaj klasjfklasdfj

hmmm perhaps that's enough for now /pos

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!

[nino-rox]

TRIGGER WARNING : Mental Health Rant

DONT READ BECAUSE ITS NOT WORTH your TIME i think

This is a rant/vent post because I’m feeling stuff? I guess? I don’t know…

So i don’t even know know why I’m posting this here but the gist of it is I just heard of Dysthymia (mild but chronic depression) today for the first time.

I searched it up and a online test popped up for it - it was a pretty small test - likely inaccurate.

It asked me some questions that had me in shock and then later diagnosed me as Dysthymic.

And I’m in Los Angeles for college far from home and I wanted to tell someone what happened and as i scrolled through my Insta/snapchat/iMsgs I realised i didn’t quite have someone to share this weird thing that happened with.

It’s not that I dont have anyone - I’m extremely blessed, have a very loving and supportive family, a few very close friends; I’m super lucky so I feel grateful to God for it - point is everyone was on the other side of the planet and I didn’t for some reason feel like sending it to them. I even scrolled through my call logs and FaceTime history and couldn’t find a single person.

Since the longest time I’ve always thought I had people I can count on for any situation - I DO, but i don’t know its just so * indescribable * ugh wtf

Anyway, the other day, my sim card here stopped working and It was when i really needed it due to some work, without internet or data it would prove complicated to make a safe Uber ride or just f anything went south id be screwed.

I needed to go to the SIM card store for a replacement sim - i couldn’t find a single person to come with me, not a single call was returned.

One person texted and they were helpful and said they’re tired so can’t go - UNDERSTANDABLE and COMPLETELY OKAY !! - yet i felt like crap hearing that because if I pride myself on one thing its being an exceptionally kind and loving social person, and even if someone who i know as an acquaintance had asked me for something like this i think i would’ve dropped everything because it was someone’s time for need. I understand that people are different, and i dont want to sound entitled by saying something stupid like they’re obligated to go out with me in a scenario like this but i felt so appalled and i felt like i didn’t really know myself or anything because I’m probably one of those people who literally knows everyone on campus, at least in my batch (2026).

Everyone always says even today that you’re so sweet and you literally know everyone - this makes it so much worse - I’m sweet and know everyone and yet i wasn’t able to cultivate a single friendship or professional relationship to the level where i could count on someone for something like this .

For the record, thanks to my family I knew people (family friends etc..) i could still call in case of a serious emergency - i didn’t feel like this was serious, it was just … ??? »????????????????

ANyway i went alone and by the end of it I told myself i was being so dramatic over something stupid like a sim.

But i don’t know

.

Either way, thats that - I’m sorry I’ve been inactive and havent had time to work on requests - ill get started soon !

IM sorry for posting this on here i don’t even know why I’m doing this lol.

Also if someone is kind enough to reply/comment to this post ; i truly do appreciate it and it means the world, but i don’t know if ill be mentally ready to reply to the comments on this post if any.

Lots of love

- Nino

[hedonists]

Fandom vent because I need to get this out so it doesn't ruin my day. Big rant below the cut.

I’m genuinely so annoyed by the hate the band is currently getting from their own fanbase. Wherever I go, Twitter, Instagram, tiktok, I see hate towards the band everywhere. From entitled fans that have somehow created this narrative that the band hates us and only ever shit-talks us and never shows any gratitude. I think I've unfollowed like a dozen people since yesterday.

Like? Where? Where are they shit talking us, constantly, as you say? When have they talked down on us? How are they not showing that they're grateful when they do exactly that every tour, at every show?

I swear to god, some people in this fandom want to be hated by this band to have a reason to shit-talk them. You're not entitled to merch. You're not entitled to meet & greets. You're not entitled to their online presence. Noah not showing his face online is not him "making it clear" that he hates us fans, and to imply that is disgusting.

And if your reaction to being told that you're not entitled to shit beyond what you pay for is to say "well the band isn't entitled to my support either!! I'll stop supporting them and let's see how they'll feel about that!!!" then: they're not entitled to your support and you're free to drop them. No one's forcing you to support them. They can't force you to, either. Maybe stop being that dramatic about it, though.

Maybe if this fandom stopped expressing their desire for more interaction, gratitude, and support from the band by acting like entitled, hateful, and sometimes even vile haters, maybe then the band would learn how to navigate this stardom quicker and find ways to interact with us better.

Because wanting more interaction is ok. I want that, too. I too would love cheaper priced merch because I can't afford most of it, either. I too would love more support when the metalcore fandom is once again ripping us a new one for shit we didn't do. But do you see me hating on the band? Do you see me attacking them, attacking Matt for taking down bootleg merch (you know who you are)?

This isn't the entire fandom, it’s not even the majority. But there's a subset of fans here that’s just straight up ruining it for everybody else.

[rei-caldombra]

Dragon Ball Z and Super share a lot of the same issues - I'm tired of Z Worshippers

This one is more of a rant and vent post talking about Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Super and the Dragon Ball fanbase. I am going to be a bit harsh but please always remember to be civil and treat people with respect when disagreeing and calling out people’s behavior. With that said though, in my opinion DBZ worshippers are obnoxious hypocrites who are hyper fixated on an idealized version of DBZ. To be clear, loving Z does not make you a worshiper. A worshiper is someone who acts like Z is perfect, ignores Z’s flaws and refuses to not compare Z and Super every 5 seconds. I’ll be bringing up specific points of discourse around Super and giving my thoughts on how Super and Z actually share a lot of the same issues people bring up towards Super. This won’t be encompassing every little detail of the series. I also want to state that I love this series and do not dislike Z or Super. I just find they both have many issues, many of which are shared.

The reason why I bring this up is because these people have never stopped being annoying in my opinion. Even after over 5 years of the main Dragon Ball Super anime being over, people are still leaving the same tired “Super bad Z good” comments on clips from Z and Super. It’s inescapable and impossible to ignore. And after years of these same things, it is very tiring to be in the community sometimes. No matter how much time passes they are incapable of getting over the fact that Z ended and Super aired. 

My main argument is that many of the points people criticize Super over are done by Z as well. But because they romanticize Z so much, they don’t realize this and attribute it just to Super. 

Let’s talk about power scaling. No one complains about Goku and Vegeta going from completely outclassed by Buuhan to overpowering him after Potara fusion. But when Kale and Caulifla are completely outclassed by Goku then overpower him by potara fusion suddenly it's stupid that Potara has a ridiculous multiplier. Potara has always been a way for 2 people to turn the tides. This goes for the fusion dance too. Goten and Trunks cannot stand a semblance of a chance against Buu, but they fuse so they can at least be justified to put up a fight. Goku and Vegeta could not take down Janemba but after fusing effortlessly destroyed him. Zamasu and Goku Black were individually too weak to fight Goku and Vegeta, so they fused to get the upper hand. Then Goku and Vegeta do the same to turn the tides again. Fusion has always been used as a way for weaker characters to dramatically overcome their opponent. This is and always was bad and inconsistent from a power scaling perspective. It’s been like this since Z, Super did not change that. 

Super also did not ruin Super Saiyan forms, the impact of Super Saiyan was ruined long before Super. Many people are for some reason totally fine with Goten and Trunks not having any interesting or emotional reason to go Super Saiyan. It just randomly happens while they were casually training with Chi-Chi. But when Caulifla goes Super Saiyan without any interesting or emotional reason suddenly the hype of Super Saiyan is being ruined. Tingly back is dumb, yes. But are you seriously arguing that “idk it just happened lol” is good writing for Trunks and Goten? Both of these are unsatisfying uses of characters becoming Super Saiyans. Saiyans go Super Saiyan when the story demands Saiyans keep up with the most recent enemies. Goten and Trunks had to be able to go Super Saiyan so they could be relevant in the Buu Saga. Another point in a similar vein- Caulifla going Super Saiyan 2 fairly easily was also complained about. You know who else got a higher Super Saiyan form very easily in a way that undercuts the effort of the other character(s) who achieved it through hard work and/or emotional suffering? Gotenks going Super Saiyan 3 after seeing it done by Goku one time. Why? Because the people they have to fight are so strong that they need it to be relevant. Super Saiyan was downgraded from being a big deal long ago back in Z. Power ups that undercuts the impact of previous ones is not a Super problem, it's a Dragon Ball problem. 

Now to the inconsistent art point. Super has some fairly inconsistent and mediocre art over its run, with some frames in particular looking especially bad. But have y’all actually watched Z outside of the big hype moments you watch clips of on Youtube? Let’s look at some terrible art from Z. Please be aware that I am not an animation expert on the technical side so sorry if I use any terms incorrectly. 

Vegeta is ridiculously off model, to the point that it barely even looks like him. With this picture you could convince someone this is a different Saiyan like you’d see in the background of Namek flashbacks. There were various artists and teams handling DBZ over the show, and that resulted in things like this happening more often. This is bad, plain and simple. If people are going to pick out minor bad moments in Super, then we are allowed to do that for DBZ too. 

Here’s a mediocre looking frame from the Cell Saga. 

It even comes from Cell vs Goku, one of the best-looking fights in the series in my opinion. Look how crunchy that Cell the back is. Goku’s hair is pretty low detail compared to many of the other shots in this fight. This is a shot covering a lot of motion, which often can result in less detail. This is fairly normal, but yes it does look worse and is inconsistent. This is just like many frames people have criticized in Super. In this same fight there are single frames covering movement that look 10x better. Sorry, Z does not look perfect 100% of the time like a lot of people act. Super is the same way. For example, there are some very mediocre looking parts of the Future Saga, but there are also the parts directed by Naotoshi Shida that look really great. Z and Super were both long running anime that had inconsistent art that ranged from ugly to beautiful. Z and Super both had times where less skilled artists were working on the show. They both had times when the show was rushed, and the art suffered. Just like with Super we can pick out poor visuals in Z as well. There’s definitely worse than the above shot but this shot exists and was easy to find so I used it. Kinda like how people would criticize the same easy to find shots of Super for the last 9 years. 

Some of the criticisms of Super are just stupid and people are not paying attention to the details. The biggest one is people saying Goku endangered everyone by giving Zeno the idea for the Tournament of Power. But if you actually paid attention, you would know that Zeno was planning to erase all of the universes that ended up participating in the Tournament of Power before that idea came up. The Tournament of Power meant at least one universe would be saved and gave the chance for that universe to save the rest. Goku’s idea saved all the universes from destruction. It seems stupid in the moment but actually worked out in the end. You know what else did in a similar fashion? Goku gives Cell a senzu bean. If you want to argue that it being unintentional shouldn’t count in Goku’s favor for not being an idiot in Super, then you should consider Goku an idiot in Z for not killing Fat Buu when he could have. Besides, the argument of his perceived dangerous desire for the ToP being out of character is just incorrect in my opinion. 

Goku endangered people all of the time for his own desires. He let Vegeta go just so he could fight him again. He didn’t know that Vegeta wouldn’t go around destroying and/or conquering more planets in the meantime. He recognized that the Saiyans were conquerors and killers, and that Vegeta should’ve been killed. But his selfish desire (as he admits himself) to enjoy fighting him again won out. He also let Frieza go out of pity even though he truly believed Frieza was evil. Even if his spirit was broken, how’d he know he wouldn’t work out that misery by hurting more people? He did not want to kill him, so he initially gave Frieza the chance to change. For both Vegeta and Frieza he put the universe at risk to give them a chance to change. He believed in that capacity to change so he ignored their unlikelihood of doing so. He also the time Goku tells Vegeta that he could have defeated Fat Buu as a SSJ3 but chose not to so Goten and Trunks could have a chance. Yet again he puts the world at risk for his own desires. And unlike with Gohan and Cell, this did not work out according to plan. Goten and Trunks could not defeat Buu and his plan backfires. Goku is not a perfect paragon character who only acts in the best interest of the universe. Let’s argue that Goku believes in not dealing with threats efficiently so people can grow from combat. He wanted to fight Vegeta again to better himself and he wanted Goten and Trunks to fight Buu so they can better themselves. He believes in the growth that comes from combat. Does that not also work for the Tournament of Power? Does it not make sense for him to want to grow by encountering all these different fighters? Even if that brings some risk by whatever stakes come from the tournament? I feel that Goku wanting a universal tournament even though the gods recommended against it fits his character. Krillin said leaving Vegeta alive would be a bad idea. But Goku stuck to his desire anyway. Beerus and the others thought the ToP would be a bad idea. But Goku went for it anyway. King Kai warned Goku not to get in a fight with Beerus but he did it anyway. He has the drive to protect people but at his core he is a guy who loves to fight and grow from that experience. And he pushes that onto other people which often brings increased risk. This fits for the Cell saga too, where he gives Cell a senzu bean because he believes fighting Cell at full power will bring out Gohan’s potential. Even though healing Cell put everyone at greater risk he chose to do that because he wanted to see Gohan’s full potential. He does want to protect people from evil, but the forefront of his character is desiring to fight and grow as a fighter. And through the series we see this bring risk. To me this is who adult Goku is. In my opinion this is pretty consistent characterization from Z to Super. Goku’s character is up to personal interpretation, but this is how I see him. 

You can like Z better than Super. That’s fine. My problem is not people criticizing either show, or people making an argument that one anime is better than the other (I like the original Dragon Ball anime the best if you're curious). You can have issues with writing, power scaling, visuals etc. of either show. I am not arguing people’s issues with Super are invalid. The problem is pointing out the flaws of Super just to completely ignore those same flaws being present in Z in mostly the same way. It's hypocritical, plain and simple. Some people really need to take off their nostalgia goggles and look at all of Dragon Ball more comprehensively if they want to talk about the quality of the individual shows. In my opinion many of the problems people talk about in regard to Super are problems that all of Dragon Ball suffers from, not just Super. I am tired of hearing about these problems brought up against just Super for almost a decade now (crazy that Super started in 2015). I want the Z worshippers to move on with their lives and get over not enjoying Super as much as other people did. At the very least please properly watch Z and Super again if you are going to act like you are an expert on them. Come up with new material and/or criticize something new.

Thank you for reading! I think this really helped release this buildup of frustration out of my system lol.

[brainrot-stitch]

Thinking of simpler times.. (rant/vent ig)

It's nice just to like

Be able to lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling and hear the crickets outside and no electronic noises. It reminds me of the 2 hurricanes that happened a few yrs back, and like I know it's fucked up to think about because it was horrible, but at the same time it was nice in a way idk how to describe well. It was miserable and hot but I was with family and didn't have to worry or stress about people or grades.. we just kinda existed for a while. I don't want more hurricanes to happen, that would be crazy, but I miss what came after.

Idk I think I've just been getting worked up over a lot of stuff recently and ik other people have it like so so much worse so I don't rlly like to complain abt it, especially in the gc, but nights like these where it's dark and quiet and calm just really get to me I guess. Nights where I can just think about everything and cry before I have to wake up the next day and repeat everything over and over and over. Every day is so bland and numb with sudden spikes of panic mixed in and at the end of the day I barely remember it. I don't remember so so much of my life that I think I should, and I don't know why I just forget. Weather something good or something bad happens I know it will eventually be faded and forgotten just as I will one day.

I'm not really big on being remembered, I've come to accept the fact of mortality and there will be a day where we will each be thought of for the last time and that is when we're truly gone. But for the short amount of time I am remembered, I don't want to be remembered like this. Like who I am and what I do and how I act right now. I don't know what I want to be remembered like, but it's not this.

There's so many issues that seem like the end of the world, that feel inescapable, and I know they're not. I feel like I'm either just being dramatic or gaslighting myself into believing they're bigger issues than they already are. Anything could send me into a spiral that night, from the smallest issue to the biggest one. Even if not, they still have an effect on my day to day life and I don't know how to fix it. And other people are always either confused or upset but they don't understand, and I don't know how to help them understand.

It's hard to care about my grades when there is literally no point and all I do is rot all day. Even if I did care I'm not smart enough to get a college tuition, and we definitely can't pay for it ourselves. They say it's gonna leave a permanent mark that people will see on my resume, but there is a good likelihood I won't make it past adulthood with the way things are going, so why should that matter. Plus it's so so hard to focus. Even if I try I get distracted or start daydreaming or The Thoughts come back. And people will say "oh just pay attention" or "just don't daydream duh" and I cant. Like I physically cannot I am unable to do so. Plus the daydreams happen at random half the time and then I'm not in school anymore I'm in another world and everything's either going really well with things I wish would happen irl or everything is going absolutely horribly and u can't stop it. They're like "just do your work it's not that hard" I hear what you're saying but you're not hearing me bro. I can't 'just do it' and nobody seems to understand that except specific strangers on the internet.

There's other issues too but I am too scared to share them on tumblr rn and I know this may seem kinda dumb but if I live on this will affect me for life but it's so so numb and I'm so SO tired allll the time and sleep never helps at all and I literally just rot all day...

Literally the only reason I take care of myself at this point is so people don't judge me and idk if that's normal or not but I'm assuming it's not.. like if I have to go somewhere ill take a shower and brush my teeth and wash my face and put on perfume n shit but if not I will have a 'self care day' but idk if it's self care if the only thing I do is rot in bed all day and only get up to go to the bathroom or (sometimes) get food/water. I sleep so much and the days all blur together and it's so so so soo bad in summer. I think I have like reverse seasonal depression bc like when it's cold and dark and raining I THRIVE like never before (even if the constant tired doesn't go away, even if everything still sucks and I still hate the people I care about the most) it's just so nice. But in summer when it's hot and miserable and humid and my ac doesn't work and you can feel the mosquitos it is such a fucking low for me idk how to even describe it. When when we get the 2 months off for summer break it's so bad bro I think that's one of my lowest points excluding being in school when it's hot. If I didn't have church I know I would go those 2 months and not take care of myself at all and ik it sounds gross and it is and I hate it but why even try if I just fucking rot on my bed like a useless ass beached whale.

The crickets are gone

I miss them 💔

I don't get why it's so hard to sleep when I'm so so fucking tired or why I rot all day or why I'm so fucking angry and irritable all the time for no reason and it sucks ass tbh. And idk why I can't fucking do things like normal people can or why I think differently or why my thoughts are so fucked up and I disappoint the people I love. I don't really wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be here much longer, but I know I have to because if I do it it'll break them in ways they will never be able to fix, and I don't wanna be that selfish. I want to help people, I want to be confident, and I wanna make people smile. I want to be able to ignore the daydreams, to block out the characters in my head and The Thoughts that I hate so much, and I wanna stop doing shit like this when I don't deserve it.

But sometimes all you can do is find a cold, dark, and quiet place, and think for a while.

Sorry for the long post gang, see yall with a silly goofy post another day <3

[lyshasgf]

HI I DID THIS FOR FUN CUZ I SAW THIS ON TT

Feel free to join!! I'd love to see some of them:3 (also doing this with my gf but she isn't done so i js did this here lol)

A ( sorta) small vent under the cut cus i needed to get it outta me lol, skip if you'd like

Remember to eat, drink and that people love you!!

Til next post<3

-Dina♡

Cried a lot today cuz of my sisters lol

Seriously, i just wanted to talk and they kept telling me to shut up then they called me emo cuz i started crying. They still wonder why i'm always so quiet. The bright side is that they actually noticed i was crying. My whole family almost never notices i'm crying and i know this bc i used to fake cry loudly to annoy them and they'd know it's fake bc i never cry loudly, they even told me that they usually never notice i'm crying. No shit guys, you wanna know who made me like this? Sometimes i wonder if it is actually my fault. Sometimes i think that maybe they were right that i was being dramatic. But i don't want to believe that. I'm not the one who tells my sister to shut up when they even try to talk, right? And the worst part is that my mother doesn't care at all. My sisters usually bully me right in front of my mother and she doesn't do anything about it even when i cry to her. Whenever my sister hits me(even when it's playful, it still hurts), she doesn't day a thing but suddenly when i hit her bc she hit me it's wrong bc i'm younger? Shouldb't be the other way bc it's obvious that the older's hit is more painful but no, I'm not supposed to disrespect my elders. I trust my friends more than them nowadays. I trust my TEACHERS more than them nowadays. My teachers actually care enough to listen, even if i don't talk verbally. My school litterally has a post box for stressed students to write notes for the teachers to read and help them. My teachers have a policy for them to never tell the students parents when the student wants to talk them. Although i've never actually done any of that, i know that they will definitely listen if i want to. My teachers even encourage me to talk through art and doesn't push me when i don't want to talk. They even pull out papers for me to write instead of talking. Teachers are so underrated with what they do, i love them. It is different for others because they're in different schools but i hate when people talk bad about certain teachers. "Oh no, it's (teacher)" do you even know who you're talking about? Are we thinking about the same teacher? Yes, maybe they yell at you a lot but it's not favouritism, you're just being disruptive in class. Obviously you're going to get scolded. "I'm so stressed, teachers don't know what i'm going through" Teachers have been in school too and it actually used to be a lot more worse than now. I know this bc my mother told me that teachers would hit students with rulers whenever they make the smallest mistake. My school actually still canes people but it's actually for a good reason. Plus, they have to mark 100+ papers everyday while you only do one. My teachers are so hated for doing their job and i don't know why. Love them sm<33

Thanks to my gf too for listening to my rants when i needed to<3

(i've said sm omg)

Love, Dina.

[hyunjining]

Hello, I dont usually speak on much but as someone whos also been here for an absurdly long time I too understand how you feel haha and just wanted to give a friendly metaphorical pat on the back because it really does fuck me up too sometimes. I guess ive been wanting to talk to Someone about any part of larry for a long time but for me I guess I dont feel much most of the time because im just waiting :/ I really do believe at some point we will get answers and see whether louis and harry do get to be publicly together (or broken up) but either way its knowing that at some point I will be proven Right that keeps me mainly unbothered by the crap we see day to day. Not to say that I dont get the initial "what the actual fuck are his team doing/ who decided this/ why is this happening for the 100th time" when a new stunt or absurdity comes along - this probably applies to the documentary aswell like I know ill groan and feel terrible for half a minute if Babygate is included but I guess I managed to at some point not let it get to me as like a personal problem? I guess and not feel emotionally attached, and I hope that you too could not have it plague you so much, I wish you the best haha and hope that at some point you would be able to continue to enjoy larry even during absurd times.

Sorry if this is like a rant you dont have to post this I guess I just felt bad seeing your post and would throw in some tiny speck of hope haha but yeah its funny cause I dont think ive ever really doubted the idea that I know they were together - obviously we dont know whether its the same now but since I havent really been proven otherwise whos to say im wrong if I were to believe they managed to have a beautiful long term relationship up until now lol but yeah thats all I got for now since I dont want to make it any longer but yeah im sorry you feel that way and I hope you manage to feel even the slightest bit better about this whole ridiculous circus we all managed to be drafted into hahaha

hey, thanks for your message 💕

i’ve definitely learned to detach myself from a lot of things over the years but idk lately it feels like something has changed and i don’t fully understand it? and i’m ok with acknowledging that there are things i’ll never know and that it’s not my life. i’ve always preached that on here. but some of the more recent stunt stuff/public image decisions really don’t make any sense to me in terms of pleasing fans or marketing to a wider audience or protecting their closets. like it all just seems completely nonsensical and unnecessary and it’s not fun to sit by and watch. i’m not gonna act like i’m being forced to be here, that’s totally on me. but idk i’m just sad that this is where we are now.

there is absolutely nothing in this world that could ever convince me that h&l aren’t gay or that they’ve never been together or that louis is a dad but i hate watching their images rapidly devolve for a reason i can’t begin to fathom. i’ve always been able to be dramatic for a minute and then laugh and move on but the feeling of dread has been more and more frequent and i feel like i’m doing myself a disservice by continuing to act like stuff isn’t affecting me. i don’t really know what to do right now, because i’m not happy but i love h&l so much and they’ve been a huge part of my life for so many years and i don’t know how to let that go. i feel like the doc is going to be a decider for me, but then again i have a louis concert in june lmao so who knows man.

anyway that was massively dramatic fkfjfk but thank you for the metaphorical pat on the back and for giving me a reason to vent some more lol

[menalez]

im sorry if you’re uncomfortable with venting if you are absolutely just delete this or ignore it but i just don’t know what to do. so i’m a 14yo lesbian and i relate to how you were as a teen a lot (ED, bdsm, suicidal, trying to come to terms w your sexuality, etc.) i live in an incredibly republican + rural area and i have a bad home life, and my parents are like devout mormons and if they ever found out that i’m gay they’d kick me out or send me to conversion therapy or my dad might rape me. i don’t have any friends, and not in a dramatic way just genuinely i’m very shy and reserved so i don’t really talk to people and i’m too scared to contact the suicide hotline because i don’t want my parents to catch me or hear me or anything like that. i’ve been sexually abused my whole childhood by all male members of my family (two brothers + my dad) and everyone in my family knows, but nothings ever happened. they all blame me. i don’t know where i’m going with this, just background i guess but i don’t know what to do. it feels like i’m ruined and i don’t know if it’ll get better. i’m so scared of the future and just the world in general, so many men have abused me especially because of how bad my area is i can barely go outside without feeling terrified i’m gonna get assaulted. i don’t know how i’ll ever date or anything like that because acknowledging that i’m gay makes me want to vomit. i don’t know. there are so many other things but i just don’t know. i’m sorry for ranting i just don’t know what to do or if it gets any better. sorry this is long and ranting i don’t want to trigger you or anything sorry

anon youre still incredibly young and from what youre telling me, it seems like your environment is the biggest issue. i also was in a terrible environment at your age, although not the same kind of terrible environment, and it exacerbated everything. being a teenager is already a stressful & difficult time, so to have to face repeated sexual abuse & rape & constant homophobia & extremely religious upbringing all at once is bound to make someone struggle with a lot of mental health issues and at such a stage, practically NO ONE would be able to fathom something like coming out or accepting their sexuality while going thru the type of stuff youre going through. i know i absolutely couldn’t. while this isnt ideal, but potentially a worst case scenario, wouldn’t you be able to be leave as an adult? like, get some kind of job or go to university and leave them from there? bc i think a lot of these issues you mentioned will be an aspect of your past as soon as you manage to get out of that house & out of that community. ik 4 years is a long time tho so ideally, if you find an excuse or means to leave even sooner then i would assume it’d be better for you in terms of your mental health. i assume the stuff you’ve mentioned to be would be grounds for calling child protective services or the police but there’s no guarantee whatever happens to you when you pursue such a path would necessarily be better. regardless, i have no reason to believe it wont *ever* get better based on what you told me, just that your family is not the kind you can keep close contact with and stay with once youre old enough to leave. i think there’s hope for you and there’s a way out of this & a chance of a good fulfilling life in the future, there’s many potential paths you could pursue especially considering your dad and brothers are downright criminals and abusers. if possible, maybe call a domestic violence hotline bc they probably will know better on how to navigate this situation. i know you said youre afraid of being overheard, if possible maybe make the call when youre at school for example in the bathrooms or when youre in the shower (have the showers on and perhaps play loud music) or when youre home alone or outside alone