#religious neglect

[gramarobin]

This crocus popped up today, so sweet 💜💛 Ok, story time! Yesterday, Sunday, about 7pm, hubs informs me his parents (self important baptist pastor & gossipy wife) are stopping by in about 45 minutes 😱 I learned that I can do a lot of cleaning in 40 minutes if I really want to 😐

My 1st inclination was to leave, just run to the store for something I suddenly needed, but I stayed because hubs shared with me things about his life as a kid recently & I felt he deserved for me to stay & face his parents together.

The folks were self absorbed and talked nonstop about themselves-(as always) about their church, church members, church activities...not 1 single question asking how we are or whats new!--which I will never understand. When I see my adult kids ALL want is for *them* to tell me about their life, I ask them about them, I listen to *them* 😮‍💨

The in-laws left after about 45 min (seemed like a lot longer). I feel even more sad for hubs, that his folks are so oblivious to their own family members lives, but then religious & oblivious tend to go hand in hand, imho.

The End

@findingforest51 💙💙

[thebibliosphere]

Sometimes, talking about religious trauma with other people is really funny for me (not funny, haha, more funny 'I should probably talk about that more in therapy) because it feels like I'm playing with a stacked deck.

Like, Mothman will talk about growing up with Catholic Guilt™, and another friend will talk about the shit they encountered in a Baptist church, all awful, truly horrific, damaging stuff.

Then they'll ask, "What about you?" and I hesitate because it's like, well, my dad was raised by his strict patriarchal Irish Catholic grandfather and Austrian Jewish grandmother* because his Jehova Witness mother was deemed unfit, so like, he'll argue with God, but feel really bad about it while also feeling the need to tell everyone about it.

And then there's my mother, who was raised Calvinist but fell into Christian Science for a while before falling fully into New Age Occultism tinged with insane family lore** while still holding onto the purity of Calvinism and the faith healing of Christian Science, which led to my parents raising me as an indigo starseed child sent to earth by angels to absorb the pain of others as God intended and that's why I never got taken to the doctor because it wasn't my body that was in pain, it was my soul.

And it's like, I swear I'm not trying to one-up you, I SWEAR. My family tree is just a smorgasbord of poor life choices and questionable reasoning ability.

----

*Arguably, the only normal one in the entire family who did her best to keep a lid on everything. ** Apparently, there was some family curse on my mother's mother's side from pissing off a fairy that caused all kinds of health problems that no one looked into because it was "the curse." They're still somewhat mad at me for going to a doctor and getting diagnosed with a genetic connective tissue disorder. Though, arguably, what is a genetic disorder if not a familial curse?

[dirtyheathencommie]

DEAR EDUCATIONALLY NEGLECTED HOMESCHOOLERS

I’ve gathered some resources and tips and tricks on self-educating after educational neglect. This is only what I did and what I know helped me. I’m about to graduate college with honors after having no education past the age of 9. I wouldn’t be here without the following. Everything is free, and at/well above the standard for education in the US.

The holy grail: Khan Academy. Nearly every course you could take is available here, in order and by grade level. Their open-source free courses rival some of the college classes I’ve taken. This is your most solid resource.

For inattentive types: Crash Course offers a variety of courses that are snappy, entertaining, and extremely rewarding. They work for my ADHD brain. They also have college prep advice, which is essential if you’re looking to go to higher education with no classroom experience.

To catch up on your reading: There are certain books that you may have read had you gone to school that you’ve missed out on. This list is the most well-rounded and can fill you in on both children’s books and classic novels that are essential or at least extremely helpful to be familiar with. You can find a majority of these easily at a local library (and some for free in PDF form online low key). There are a few higher level classics in here that I’d highly recommend. If it doesn’t work for you, I’d always recommend asking your local librarian.

*BE AWARE* The book list I recommend suggests you read Harry Potter books, and given their transphobic author you may or may not want to read them. If you choose to, I’d highly recommend buying the books secondhand or borrowing from a library to avoid financially supporting a living author with dangerous and damaging views.

TEST, TEST, TEST: Again, Khan Academy is your go-to for this. I don’t personally like standardized testing, but going through SAT and ACT courses was the best way I found to really reveal my gaps so that I could supplement.

Finally: As much as you can, enjoy the process. Education can be thrilling and teach you so much about yourself, and help shape your view of the world. It can get frustrating, but I’d like to encourage you that everyone can learn. No pace is the perfect pace, and your learning style is the right learning style for you. In teaching yourself, be patient, be kind, and indulge in the subjects you really enjoy without neglecting others. You are your teacher. Give yourself what others chose not to.

[charlieswebb]

kristen 🤝 adaine - having the WORST parents of the bad kids

[yuwigqi]

Tim Drake wasn't canonically neglected in the same way the Ash Ketchum is not canonically neglected.

In the real world, Tim's situation would be completely abusive and warrant state intervention. So would 6-14 year olds wandering the nation by themselves.

Superhero world is not the real world, and you cannot always expect choices made to make the world work to make sense under real world rules

[bluejaeic]

Steddie,Dogbird by Madds Buckley songfic WHEN. It fits them so well. Steve is very much the dog in this situation

Some lyrics for those who don't know the song

" I can’t stand you in my bed

You’re too gentle

I need you to hurt me back instead" rewrote my brain.

"And sorry that I roll over to my folks

It’s not that I’m ashamed

But they keep me on the leash to choke

I’m a hunting breed

And bird is all they eat" Is so Steve

Also this very much fits Jargle as well. In a way I just realized.

THE SONG IN QUESTION

[shrikeseams]

You know, if, three years ago, you had told me that CELEGORM was the character that I would have elaborate personality and interpretation headcanons for, that I would have to stop myself from picking fights over...

...Well, I wouldn’t remember who the hell Celegorm was. But I’d laugh at you once you reminded me.

[connieaaa]

I'd like to find every person in my life who told me "you'll miss being a kid", and "being a kid is the best time of your life, enjoy it" and tell them all off. No, I do not miss being a kid. Being a kid sucks.

[fazgoo-connoiseur-1987]

Are You God? Something Better? Something Worse?

[heir-less]

I think what a lot of people don't understand is that the cultural and societal aspects of religion can still exist in a society that is 100% secular. Most atheists aren't anti-theists, in fact, most of them still take part in many religious customs and celebrations in a secular form. Anti-theism doesn't even mean the eradication of religion, it's typically used to describe the intellectual opposition to belief in a deity,

So, I'm honestly perplexed whenever I see people arguing that the "end goal" of atheism is to eradicate religion, this is something both religious people and ill-informed atheists believe, for some reason. I guess this is what happens when Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris are your go-to atheists and you're measuring atheism against the most extreme religious zealots because that's what most people are reactive towards.

What should be completely removed are almost all forms of institutionalized religion and religious power structures. These are the exactual oppressive structures that have used religion as a tool to justify every form of bigotry and crime against humanity. They are also not essential to the practice of the religion or the survival of the religious culture. Your right to practice your religion ends if you're using said religion to advocate for the oppression of Muslims (assuming you're not practicing Islam), atheists, LGBT+ people, and other minorities. You can be a church-going Catholic without advocating for state-sanctioned religion or the rights of others being removed. This evangelical breed of religious extremism has no place in society and is what actually leads to real genocides happening today.

[coppertophomegurl]

Being homeschooled + autistic + religious trauma is quite the trifecta, huh?

[jordankennedy]

the web is sooooo super overbearing helicopter parent to me

[mustangs-flames]

I'd just like to understand a bit better (half a year fan yay)

Reeds treatment of 10 year old Mark & Reeds treatment of 17 year old Mark main differences, plz?

When Mark was 10, his grandparents were fine with him, it wasn't until he was about 13 that they started taking issue - a lot of it was prompted by the fact that Mark was starting to look less like his mom and more like his dad who the Reeds resented for killing their daughter. Mark's mental health also started to decline into his teens and that wasn't something his grandparents wanted to acknowledge was happening. On the occasions they did, they would have no patience for him because it was all a reminder of their now-estranged kid, Sam.

Mark got stuck as the scapegoat for his grandparents issues and eventually it slowly became an environment where he couldn't do anything right for them. He was always in the wrong no matter what.

[stedebonnit]

Just saw a post that irked me that started off by saying Aziraphale has never suffered and as someone with religious trauma and who grew up in an emotionally neglectful and chronically invalidating envrionment I want to be the first to say that suffering is not defined by rigid standards and that there's a reason neglect and manipulation are classed as forms of abuse. I didn't finish reading the post because I got really angry seeing it so I apologize if I missed context by choosing not to engage further but I just want to make it abundantly clear that suffering and abuse are not black and white concepts, and just because someone is in a space that tries to paint themselves as good doesn't mean that they are good (I mean, seriously, if you haven't learned that from this show then idk if you've even watched it), and just because someone is unable to see that their situation is abusive does not mean that they aren't suffering (and in fact people saying that reeeeally smell of "if they were abusive why didnt you just leave?" Vibes)

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

The process of healing really hurts btw it feels like absolute garbage especially early on but you have to do it anyways and it will get easier and it will be worth it

[oregano-gremlin]

underrated genre of character: guy who has like four mother figures who all gave him unique and exciting mental ilnesses