#save me from the hellers

[daddydeanbabyboysammy]

NO NO NO I ACCIDENTALLY ENDED UP ON THE HELLER COCKLES SIDE OF THE HELLSITE WINCESTIES SAVE ME PLEASE

[lordofdestructionm]

Reading Mordecai Heller as a repressed gay man

The tragic attraction

This is a full post based on my response to a great analysis by @sedgewick-gayble

Let me start by saying that if you read Mordecai as being totally asexual/aromantic and any affection he has for other characters to be entirely platonic that is entirely valid and I respect that

However as this response by Tracy makes clear on the topic of fans reading Mordecai as gay there is an intentional ambiguity about it. Being 28 at the time of the main story his "lifestyle is certainly asexual" up to this point, yet "being ace and being gay are not mutually exclusive things" and people sometimes "don't know themselves or understand their own motivations all that well"

This leaves the possibility open that Mordecai is actively repressing his natural desires and feelings

Mordecai's early life didn't exactly provide much time or opportunity for "self discovery", even by the usual standards of the less than tolerant and understanding world of the early 20th century

Being born into an impoverished family and having his father die very early in his life leaving him and his Mother and two younger sisters in dire straits, Mordecai had to get to work and assume adult responsibilities pretty damn early.

As Tracy says "selling newspapers wasn't going to cut it" and so using his natural talent with numbers Mordecai starts bookkeeping for the mob. Is it any wonder someone with that background would develop such a serious and rigidly buttoned up demeanour?

Since being forced to abandon his mother and two sisters at the start of the 1920s and flee New York, being picked up by Atlas's due to his habit of collecting useful strays, Mordecai had very few people he was close to in St Louis. With his generally anti-social personality and not only lack of interest but discomfort with any sort of flirting or romantic entanglements, that would be unlikely to change

Side note: Probaby coincidence but

There are only two people who seem to make it onto that exclusive list of people that "count" for Mordecai, who he cares about and are able to bring things to the surface he would normally keep hidden

Atlas to Mordecai is not just an employer, he is the man who saved his life, the man who moulded a desperate fearful shabby young stray into the sharp professional he is today, who took him under his wing and made him his protege. Filling the empty space his father left in his life. His grief and desperate hunt for those responsible for his death are his big motivation (the strain of which is slowly tearing him apart)

That connection is undertsandable

Much more surprising on the surface is the bond with the partner Atlas teamed him up with soon after his arrival, Viktor Vasko.

The assumption at the start would have been that while their skill sets might compliment each other in the field there would have been no warmth in their dynamic.

Certainly not on Mordecai's part as Viktor appears to be a sum total of many things Mordecai hates. Viktor is unshaven, relatively casual in his attire, speaks a broken English, and hates people chattering or “noise, noise, noise” as he calls it. Clashing hard with his obsession with good grooming, high quality tailoring, correct grammar etc. Indeed Mordecai doesn't hesitate to nag/criticize Viktor for these things

Yet at the same time Mordecai has far better chemistry with Viktor than with anyone else, able to banter and bicker with him in a way you rarely if ever see with others

Its why when he gets tailored clothes for the first time Viktor is the first person he wants to show off too. Its why the one time he is intoxicated Viktor (and his large physique) are his chosen topic of converation. Its why at Christmas/Hanuhhah he gives him the gift of a tie while claiming its just because of the big guys poor fashion sense and that its "embarassing to be seen with him" (even that justification makes him sound like a nagging girlfriend)

A smaller detail is that during their iconic chess playing in the side content, set during their days staking out the remote town of Defiance, Viktor is shown very casually winning the game much to Mordecai's visible distress

This is hilarious but could also be taken as a metaphor for Viktor (possibly without even realizing it) breaking through his defensive emotional barriers

Something Mordecai doesn't know how to handle or respond to

The animated short only adds fuel to the fire

During their dispute over strategy Mordecai moves his face so close to Viktors that he almost knocks his cap off his head. His eyes at one point even dart down towards his mouth

Sharp eyed Vikdecai fans have also noted that Mordecai seems on some level to want the two of them to match

The tie being the same colour could simpy be Mordecai giving Viktor one of his own ties because its a joke gift and he just grabbed it on a whim to tease Viktor about his poor fashion choices

But think about the matching suits at the New Years party for 1926

I mean, seriously, not only is it the exact same style of suit in the same blue-grey colour distinct from everyone else, but they are standing in the perfect spots to be symmetrical to each other. Something that we all know means a lot to this compulsive man

Mordecai must have known there was going to be a big group photo ahead of time and then carefully planned this

Got matching suits made to his and Viktors measurements

Then most impressively convinced/nagged Viktor into cooperating (he may have taken off the tie and rolled up the sleeves but hey him playing along at all is quite a compromise from Viktor "I hate dressing up" Vasko)

Mordecai is intent on making Viktor retire and get out of danger, and avoid a situation where he gets sent to kill him by Marigold because he knows he could NOT do it, and his cover and investigation into Atlas's death would be over

He is horrified that Viktor is still working at Lackadaisy (though he again has to hide how much he cares) and that he has gotten not only hurt again but hurt by Mordecai again (albeit this time indirectly by stealing the guns)

Can this be read as simply platonic comradere? Absolutely

But there is something so *intense* in the fact he was willing to resort to kneecapping him. Its an extreme and desperate act that could only result from intense emotions, seemingly out of character for someone who tries very hard to appear logical and controlled.

While Vikdecai is a very fun ship when imagining them as an actual bickering married couple, I have often said that a tragic one-sided on Mordecai's part version of Vikdecai is the one that fits closest and surprisingly well into the canon.

His nagging and complaining about Viktor in that context take on a Tsundere aspect, both to protect himself from being found out and maybe even try and convince himself the uncomfortable alien feelings aren't there. He not only doesn't want others looking too hard at his feeling he doesn't want to examine them himself all that much

There is a heartbreaking but appealing angst to the idea of this extremely repressed man having such feelings for the first time in his life for his straight best friend and NOT knowing how to handle that. Having to perform the balancing act of being around him so much as his partner but being painfully aware that he can't let anyone catch on, especially not Viktor himself, as it would likely destroy his bond with the only person in town other than Atlas he is close to.

Though tragically he did that anyway later via the kneecapping, which while about trying to keep Viktor safe, he may now looking back try and tell himself its actually somehow "better" for Viktor to hate him for that

Because the big guy now wrongly thinks the feeling is mutual and that Mordecai never really cared about him, which may be better than (what Mordecai assumes would be) disgust at his partners doomed more than platonic feelings

Because he sees those feelings and his situation as a sad perfectly structured joke life has played on him

[multi-fandom-imagine]

➤Second time's the charm || Mordecai Heller ||

A/n: I'm doing that idea I was blabbing about!

Flashback's italicized.

Mordecai often went through day's of him wondering why anyone would ever want to marry. He knew he could be difficult, he wasn't sure he would even be fit to be a father. Part of him didn't think that he deserved you or his sweet little kits. He loved them of course, they were a part of you both but he couldn't help but wish they didn't ask so many questions.

Pushing up his glasses, Mordecai dropped his shoulders spotting his three kits staring at him, one of them clinging to his pant legs. "Shouldn't you three be with your mother?"

"Papa! How did you meet Mama?"

Tensing, Mordecai opened his mouth then quickly adverted his gaze. He was suddenly take back to the moment where he first met you.

You weren't like other woman he's meet, you were awfully shy. Peering at him, until you'd shyly look away. To be honest, he wasn't the one that even noticed you at first, it was Viktor that pointed you looking at him.

You were cute, there was something that he couldn't pinpoint about what he liked about you so much. Maybe it was those big doe eyes of yours, you had such an innocent look.

Smolder? What the hell does that even mean?

So he did what Viktor told him to do, he tried to smolder but the only thing that came of it was your terrified gaze as you turned away from him.

"Wonderful."

Shaking his head, he pulled his kits into his lap. As he forced at particular memory out of his head. "Why are you three wondering how your mother and I met? We are married and happy....shouldn't that be enough?"

"No!"

Well it's not like he can just tell them that his first meeting scared you off, maybe he could just tell him about him confessing his feelings for you.

He didn't quite remember drinking that much, nor did he remember being dropped off at your tiny little apartment. He should have known better, really, he should have recognized the scent of your perfume the moment he was shoved into your arms.

You were so warm, you were always so warm, so kind....so soft.

He knew he loved you, he wasn't quite sure when he fell in love with you, but he was.

He pressed his nose into your neck, clinging tightly to you. "So warm."

"M-Mordecai." You did your best to help the cat over to the couch. "You...you are very heavy Mordecai!"

You both fall back on the couch, a deep rumble leaving his chest as he nuzzled into your neck again, you were so soft. "I love."

You could smell the alcohol on his breath, his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose. Though your eyes went wide as he whispered your name.

Mordecai loved you?

Sighing, a small smile formed as you did your best to make him comfortable you weren't about to let him live this down.

No...no that wasn't something he could just tell his children. How was that even romantic? Who drunkly confesses their feelings and not even remember doing it the next day.

Clearing out his throat, he turned his attention to them as they waited for an answer.

"I saved her....from some thugs that were harassing her, the rest is history." Mordecai muttered.

All of their eyes went wide, a smile formed on his daughter's face. "How romantic!"

Chuckling softly, he then caught you standing in the doorway of his office. "Why don't you three go clean up for diner, I know your mother worked hard on it."

"Okay daddy!" The three exclaimed in unison as they rushed out of the room.

Grinning, you titled your head to the side sitting on the edge of the desk. "You saved me....from a bunch of goons. Funny I can't remember that."

Mordecai huffed as he stepped close as he stepped between your legs. "Well I wasn't about to tell them the truth of me embarrassing myself twice."

Grinning, you cupped his cheeks as you shook your head. "Adorable."

"I'm not adorable."

[mxjackparker]

When Timothy Heller came forward about being sexually assaulted by Melanie Martinez, in 2017, I was in the middle of my own police case against a man who raped me (which the police eventually dropped). I spent maybe 12 hours a day arguing with Melanie Martinez fans who were spreading rape apologetics and lies.

One thing I remember very prominently is that I had to give dates in my police interview, and I stood outside the station looking through my camera roll for a picture I knew I took on a day I was assaulted to get the date from it. Timothy spoke about having looked for a picture in the same way, and getting the date wrong because the date on the photo was related to storage/saving and not the date it was taken. I remember seeing hundreds of Melanie fans insist that she was lying because she got the date wrong, claiming any rape victim would remember it. I don't remember the dates I was raped almost any time it's happened.

Timothy Heller came forward with a credible accusation and Melanie admitted that the encounter happened (though denied that it was assault), so her fans dropped the claim that it never occurred and started insisting that it must have been consensual and trying to character assassinate Timothy.

Every time I hear a Melanie Martinez song in public, or skip past a song recommendation, or block another Youtube video featuring her, or hear a song in the background of a TikTok, I'm reminded of how horrifically Timothy was treated. I've made a lot of progress with my PTSD and have much better control of my reactions and less triggers, but I will always detest the Melanie Martinez fans who care more about some music than about the harm done to Timothy.

[lol-jackles]

https://www.tumblr.com/teamfreewill2pointo/750106101611151360/hi-finale-anon-here-thank-you-so-much-for-your

I’d love to get your take on this post. I don’t agree with it. Supernatural was about Sam’s hero journey which the finale completes the arc established over the 15 seasons.

Why is it difficult for people to see the basic and timeless story construct?

Supernatural is Sam Winchester's Hero Journey, it's all here in the "Hero Journey" tag. Dean Winchester is a very popular character, the awesome sauce but not the main course, which I explained in the "Support Protagonist" tag.

Link. Here I had thought Will viewed the finale through Destiel-rose-colored glasses but it turned out he was interpreting it through BiBro-stanning-lens. And Will's proof that SPN is just as much as about Dean as it is about Sam is, wait for it, "Dean was given a myth arc"', as in singular.... out of 15 seasons. Did he mean season 10? Because according to Jensen, season 10 was a “rare Dean centric storyline” and how "Dean's rarely in this position of being the focal point of the general story's motivation," (X). Is Will disregarding Jensen's own words?

Will: "you can't remove one brother without the whole thing falling apart."

True you can't remove Sam, otherwise there is no story. Once Jared planned to leave SPN, WB canceled the series. Remove Dean and with some minor tweaking, SPN will mostly still be the same (X) but it probably wouldn't have lasted 15 seasons. It would be more like Buffy with 7 seasons. (X)

Will: Sam returned to the ordinary world and got a wife and child because it did it for Dean.

Actually Dean gave his blessing and permission for Sam to return to the ordinary life he always wanted for himself. It's why season 15 clumsily shoehorned "Drag Me Away" episode just a few weeks from the finale to remind the audience that Sam wanted out of the hunting life since he was a kid. Yes Sam went to hell for Dean but it was unquestionable that Sam also did it to save the world. It set Sam apart from Dean's motive for going to hell which was only to save Sam, he didn't care about the world.

Will: "everything Sam did was for Dean".

Yes, by giving up his own desire for an ordinary life so that Dean wouldn't be alone. Sam told Charlie back in season 9 that he only stayed in the hunting life because he loved Dean. But that's not enough for AA stans and even some Bibro stans because they may have realized that Dean and the hunting world is the "belly of the beast" that every protagonist enters as part of their hero journey arc, which goes against their personal biases or agendas.

Will's Anon was only talking up to Return of the Jedi in their Star Wars analogy and Sam never became a witch and he never "used his powers". Holy smoke that was the whole point of depowering Sam after season 5 so that he doesn't end up an ex dues machina! Or am I mis-reading Will's writing and he was actually talking about Sam's power in the first 5 seasons?? Regardless, Sam is NOT a witch, what the heck is Will smoking???

Will, listen to me carefully: Luke's hero journey goal was to become a Jedi. Sam's hero journey goal was to return to the ordinary world. It was never supposed to be a one-to-one comparison, Kripke never said that.

Now we come to Will's streaming value argument by using the 2023 chart to "prove" that the Carry On finale isn't driving equal watch time for each season. How is that supposed to even make sense? Will is ignoring the very basic human nature of simply tiring out from watching so many episodes. The rate of decreasing viewership from season to season is fairly consistent. Unlike hellers, the general viewers will start with the first season and gradually peter out.

A bad series finale will kill the popularity of the show and gets memory-holed. A disappointing series finale will put a big question mark in the rewatch value. "Carry On" finale did none of this because it made narrative sense, as Jensen said when he paraphrased what Kripke told him.

See my "Carry On finale is awesome and here's bunch of reasons why" tag.

[eisforeidolon]

Hi! Sorry if i'm bothering you but i needed someone to talk. About what happened recently with Destiel and Misha and the fans that believed in the things he said. I am new to Supernatural fandom, but i loved the story in an instant, thanks to Sam and Dean and their unique relationship. Then i became interested in Jared and Jensen too and i think that if Sam and and Dean are the heart of Supernatural then Jared and Jensen are the soul of the show because to me no other actor could have played Sam and Dean like they did. Now, returning to what i wanted to say i am really TIRED about Destiel, some Destiel shippers and especially Misha. I know he said some stupid thing about how CW is homophobic and how Destiel would be canon if they weren't homophobic. I don't ship Destiel because sincerely i don't see romantic love between Dean and Castiel, but this doesn't make me an homophobic person. His words are said with malicious intent. He also said some thing about how Jensen is attracted to him. I find this disgusting because he says this things only for his Destiel fan, knowing that his words are lies. Also Jensen not being there can't reply to his lies. Like i sad i'm new to Supernatural but some Destiel are making the experience in the fandom a constant war. They say that if you don't ship Destiel you are homophobic , that if you don't ship Destiel you are not a true Supernatural fan and the most stupid one... They say that Supernatural is about Dean and Castiel and their love. This make me really angry because Supernatural is about Sam And Dean, how they care for each other,how they save the world again and again and how they hunt monster and ghost and other things. But to me Supernatural is the unique love story of two brother and how they did everything to protect each other. I ship Wincest, but When i say love story i mean that Sam and Dean are Platonic Soulmates in Supernatural and even the show always remind us of that. I don't understant how Misha can say this thing without facing consequences because his words feed some Destiel fan that became hateful like him and whose mission is hating people who don't think think like them. Sorry for the long post and for the horrible english but it's not my first language. Sorry if i bothered you but i needed someone to talk to because sometimes i feel like leaving the fandom because Destiel hate and their war against everyone. I hope you will always have love and kindness in your life.

You really don't need to apologize for anything.❤️ You aren't bothering me and your English is fine - maybe not perfect, but hell, neither is mine some days! Thank you for the lovely sentiment, and I wish you the same - and that you do what is best for you in regards to this sometimes dumpster fire of a fandom.

If it helps, you're absolutely not alone. I've been in this fandom for years now, and some days it's sheer stubbornness against hellers obvious attempts to browbeat and drive everyone else out that keeps me here. They didn't get to take over the show through being loud and obnoxious and they don't get to monopolize the fandom by doing the same - and they can be butthurt forever over it.

I actually didn't mind Dean and Castiel as a ship at first. I'm always interested in what people take from a canon and then create entirely outside of it, and I read quite a lot of fanfic. Even then I was baffled by shippers insisting it was a thing in the canon, though. There was a brief period where I wondered if I'd somehow missed it, because I'm not generally really looking for romance stories and there were so many posts that were so insistent? So I actually did a rewatch focused just on Dean and Castiel's interactions - and came away with the impression they weren't actually even as good of friends as I'd originally thought, let alone anything like interested in each other romantically. The more I thought about it and the more meta I ran across and actually considered the details of? The more obviously baseless it was. I mean, some of it really is just genuinely so stupid it's hilarious. Cake. Bacon. Negative space. Widower arc. Bisexual lighting and/or plaid. But even the theorizing which wasn't absurd on its face? Always looked silly in comparison to how much more obviously and easily it had meaning in relation to the main story that plainly actually existed instead.

Meanwhile, I kept seeing more and more of those posts you mention insisting anyone who didn't ship it was a homophobe and they really pissed me off. Even if Dean and Castiel were a canon couple who spent half of each episode doing couple things and saying I love you back and forth instead of the entire show revolving around Sam and Dean's crazy tangled up lives with Castiel occasionally wandering in and out of the background with some angel nonsense or whatever? Not shipping it would not make someone a homophobe. Shipping is very subjective and any individual pairing can not appeal to any particular fan for a million and one reasons that have sweet fuckall to do with how they generally feel about LGBT+ relationships. Attempting to bully people into supporting a single very specific fictional relationship by trying to make them afraid of being branded a bigot if they don't is ridiculous as hell, regardless of how canon or not it is. How absolutely fucking disrespectful to all the people who have to deal with actual homophobia versus just being butthurt they can't force two particular fictional characters to kiss. It's so goddamn juvenile I can't even.

The longer I was in fandom, the more brain dead and divorced from the show the meta claiming Dean and Castiel were going to hook up any minute got. The more annoyed I became at all the absurd stereotypes about masculinity and sexuality they would parrot as gospel truth if it could "prove" Dean was into dudes and eventually the angel. The more obviously transparent their every cry of ~*homophobia*~ was when they tried to turn every real life LGBT+ issue and every canon LGBT+ character primarily into proof and/or justification regarding D/C. They're a bunch of entitled shitheads who not only feel like they should get to dictate what SPN is despite hating basically everything it actually was, but who are perfectly fine with co-opting serious real world issues to try and do it. I have no beef with normal D/C shippers who aren't assholes to everyone and mad at the show for not bringing their fanfic to life, but I can't stand the pairing at all even in a fandom sense anymore.

The evolution of my feelings on Misha followed a similar path. I liked Castiel well enough as a supporting character and I didn't actively dislike Misha, though after I'd seen a couple of panels where his answers were flippantly irreverent or unnecessarily raunchy, I wasn't really much interested in him. Then, over time, at the same time Castiel's character was more and more blatantly just eating up screen time to give J2 time off, he started getting worse and worse about ship-baiting. He'd act like everyone behind the scenes was talking about D/C - but then they (Jensen and Bob Singer most notably) would say that was untrue. He'd slyly hint about upcoming scenes in a vague way to imply D/C and then it would be something else entirely. He'd tell shippers about things that had been pointedly removed because they could seem leading and that was not the authorial intent, but without pointing out that was exactly why they were excised. His stories would change when he got a bad reaction - he went from saying he shipped wincest to pretending he'd never heard of it, he went from claiming Jimmy was going to appear in the original Roadhouse finale to it being Castiel, etc. Then there was framing horsing around with Jared as if he was a victim and not a participant and the incredibly inappropriate objectifying sexual comments about Jensen and Dean. All of which caused the fans falling for it to loudly and angrily attack everyone but him while they kept buying his ops/books/cameos/whatever. No matter how blatantly he queerbaits them and how upset they get over it and take it out on everyone else, he does not stop. He's an ungrateful creepy narcissist who will throw literally anyone or anything under the bus if he can get a buck out of it. Who also will proclaim he doesn't want to co-opt LGBT+ causes when he's desperately trying to keep his career on life support doing exactly that in the most skeevy, backstabby way possible.

Jared and Jensen put their hearts and years of their lives into this show bringing Sam and Dean to life, episode after episode, week after week, season after season. Telling an important story about platonic and familial love that you really won't find anywhere else.

Misha and the hellers have spent years trying to co-opt that to their own ends out of gross entitlement. They deserve each other, but the show and its actual fans don't deserve to have to put up with either of them. Unfortunately, we have the fandom we have, not the one we deserve.

[lycheeloach]

overanalyzing mordecai's letter to his mom

Transcription + ramblings under the cut

Mother, Forgive my unannounced departure. Circumstances relating to my employment have made required me to travel on short notice. It may be some time before I am able to correspond again, but you will find savings in my rented room above the dry grocery adequate for living. Give Mrs. Kovitz the name Ezra [and] she will allow you upstairs. There is a safe box in the southeast corner behind the baseboard. [combination in Hebrew, more on that later] Please use some portion of it to relocate to more suitable living space, expeditiously. Purchase somewhere if you are able. The building is poorly ventilated, m[cut off, but based on the version from the Lackadaisy website it almost certainly says 'moldy'] and unhealthful. -M[ordecai]

First things first, he opens his letter with just 'mother'. 1) he's more formal than Esther, who just calls her 'mom' (though that might be because it's a Serious Letter). 2) he also signs it just 'Mordecai'. no 'dear' or 'love' here because he's totally not sentimental at all, right? he's also bad at expressing emotions, so instead we have to extrapolate how much his family means to him through his actions.

'forgive my unannounced departure' is telling in a couple of ways. First, it's pretty much an apology, which is something we don't really see from Mordecai. Second, it suggests that he and his mom are still in frequent contact, even after he's moved out.

The way Mordecai crosses out the word 'made' and replaces it with 'required' is probably in an effort to sound less alarming- less like he was forced to skip town. But he's so pressed for time and resources that he doesn't start over with a fresh sheet of paper.

'It may be some time before I am able to correspond again' he knows he's screwed. He's pretty sure he's going to die on this train, but he focuses on what's more important- writing to his mom and telling her where to find the money necessary for her and his sisters to have a better life.

It's revealed that Mordecai is renting a room- this gives him the personal space he so desperately needs, and also might be for reasons of keeping his work and home lives separate. Ezra is presumably an alias and he may have even given Mrs. Kovitz instructions to let his mother in if she ever came by. (Sidenote, in all likelihood she was probably just his landlady but I still kinda want to know how Mordecai would interact with Mrs. Kovitz.)

SO. here's an interesting fact for you. The safe combination is the name of Mordecai's youngest sister, Hannah, who died in infancy (you can see her in Tzipporah's arms here). Characters in the Hebrew alphabet correspond to numbers, hence how her name could be a safe combination. I can't phrase this in an analytical way- Mordecai using the name of his sister who died approximately a decade ago for the safe makes me explode. It makes all my bones fall out.

Apparently Mordecai saved enough money for his family to only need some of it to move to a better place. He emphasizes the importance of moving right away, because their building is gross- more than that, the tenements had very high mortality rates, something that the Heller family experienced firsthand.

The last thing I want to say is how desperate Mordecai is to get the letter mailed, practically begging strangers for postage. He's certain he's about to be shot in the face and he still fixates on sending that letter, because if he doesn't, everything he did for his family will have been for nothing.

In conclusion, I am normal.

[angelinthefire]

There is a “would Dean kill Cas to save Sam” poll going round I think you’d find interesting and which compelled me to unleash thoughts at you. I often wonder why fandom (both hellers and bronlies) ignores the fascinating examples in canon where Dean’s “Sam before anything else” ideology is threatened by Castiel. the BEST example of this is when Cas premeditatedly and with full agency breaks Sam’s wall as collateral damage — and Dean forgives him in the blink of an eye! If that were anyone else who’d done that to Sam they would be a dead man. Yes Dean was mad about it, yet the next season (BEFORE Cas redeems himself by taking on Sam’s hell trauma) Dean literally tells Cas “you were doing the best you could” (girl…).

Other key examples: Dean staying in Purgatory for an additional year to find Cas (rather than prioritising going back to find Sam, and this is after Cas broke Sam’s brain mind you); deciding to basically kill himself in s13 after Cas has died (despite Sam being alive and well); telling Chuck he’s wiling to kill Sam if it’ll bring Cas back. If the Bronly tenet that all Dean needs to be happy is Sam then hell, why does Dean beg Sam to let him die in the series finale.

I will note that Dean kicking Cas out of the bunker in s9 is thrown around constantly but there was literally a gun to Sam’s head at that point. Dean was tormented about it and still snuck off to see Cas although it may have been unwise in that situation.

Also interesting to note that Sam isn’t the only one; Castiel has also served as a threat to Dean’s other representations of family. in s6 Cas ~betrays Dean by colluding with Crowley, who kidnaps Lisa and Ben, which eventually leads to Dean deciding to memory wipe Lisa. In s14 Dean literally *blames Cas in part for Mary’s death*! And yet still forgives him?? (As s13 showed, Dean can live better without Mary than he can without Cas.) This is really intriguing/toxic element of Destiel that is hardly explored in fandom, which is that Dean associates Cas with danger to the rest of his family/his role as protector of his family and therefore his relationship with him is a weakness that he will regret. Add to the fact that Cas has proven time and again to not be a safe/reliable object of affection (see above examples, and also repeatedly leaving/dying) and it’s very plain why Dean would have reason to fear/suppress/compartmentalise romantic feelings between them — because they would be an even greater source of pain.

Curious to get your thoughts on this!!

Thank you for the message!

Regarding the first point: I think there's a fairly typical thing going on of fan simplifying characters and their motivations. Does Dean love and care about Sam? Yes. Was Dean's duty to Sam something that was drilled into him as something that he had no choice over? And something that was reinforced through their forced isolation from the rest of society? Also yes. So what happens when Dean has someone that he has grown to love on his own terms? And who he never has to worry about alienating, someone who could actually be part of his life? Something very interesting!

I looooove the s6/7 example so much, because Dean really isn't ever angry at Cas for hurting Sam, he's angry at Cas for not listening to him. And even then, not really - his anger at Cas in 7x01 is much more something that Dean is using as a sheild, something to cover his own hurt, than anything else. And then the second it looks like Cas is going to turn around and come back to him, all that anger evaporates.

s8 was soooo vindicating as well when it aired, because all summer the bronlies were like, "Dean's motivation in Purgatory will be that he's trying to get back to Sam!" And then it WASN'T. This is another thing too, that bronlies will try to make it out like Sam is the only one that Dean will go to extreme lengths for, that Dean isn't a *generally* nurturing type of person who *wants* a bigger family and to not be so socially isolated. But throughout the entire show, Dean is constantly drawing people around himself. And we do see how Dean is willing to go to great lengths for Cas. Of course, a lot of the time, Dean is convinced that he's powerless to do anything when it comes to saving Cas, but Purgatory was one time when he wasn't, and we see what happens.

(And the thing is I do get where the bronlies are coming from in their understanding of the show, in an abstract sense. Like objectively, if someone were to tell me that there's a story about two brothers, that only have eachother against the world, and they have a super-intense relationship, and all they care about is each other and fighting monsters, and there's a dark, gothic vibe to it, I could see why someone would be into that. Like it's not my jam, but abstractly, I see it. But the thing is, that reading of the show does not hold up to contact with canon - and none of them want to admit that.)

The series finale is so weird when you think about it. Because bronlies hold it up as a win. But it is Dean taken down to a place where all he has is Sam and hunting, and then deciding that he has nothing to live for.

s9 was just a mess. Kicking Cas out of the bunker was so contrived. And then what everyone forgets is how incredibly happy and jazzed Dean was when he thought Cas was going to be living with them. The thing I'm most bitter about is that they couldn't have given us at least one episode of Dean and Cas being absolutely goofy happy around each other before constructing a situation to get Cas out of the picture.

Your last paragraph is interesting, and something to think about. The way I see it, is that Cas has entered a special tier of relationships with Dean, where Dean will hold on to him no matter what. I don't think Lisa and Ben are a good example for your point, actually, because I think Dean blames himself for what happened to them more than anyone else, which is reflected in his final interaction with them when he says he hit them with his car and is happy they can go on with their lives (or something of that nature, I forget).

Mary's death is interesting though. The only thing comparable to something like that happening before is when Dean blames Sam for Charlie's death (and what Dean says to Sam - "I think it should be you on that pyre instead of her" - is actually way more harsh than what Dean says to Cas). But Dean does forgive Sam, and he does forgive Cas - again, they're on a special tier, where Dean values them no matter what. And you see that throughout the divorce arc, where Dean keeps checking in on Cas and showing concern for him, in spite of how he feels at the moment - like he knows througout that the rift him and Cas are going through isn't going to last forever.

I think all of Dean's closest relationships are toxic, just as a result of the way he was raised and the kind of life he leads. With Sam, John, Mary, Jack, and Cas. The relationships that aren't toxic are the ones where they aren't physically around each other that much (like Charlie), or with Bobby, who has the level of experience to not get caught up in bullshit. With all of them, the death toll doesn't really matter (like Mary endangered Cas too, and Dean forgave her). Dean just tends to not let go of the people around him.

I think a big barrier for Dean and Cas is actually neither of them having any kind of reference model for what they are to one another. All of Dean's romantic relationships have been filled with secrets, and the knowledge that his partner cannot share his life with him. Dean calls Cas his "brother" in s6 and s11, because to him, that's the closest you can be to someone. That changes to "best friend", which is better, because it doesn't have the same connotation of obligation and responsibility - your best friend is someone you actually like being around. And it's a title that is uniquely Castiel's.

And in general he has trouble categorizing Castiel. Like he keeps trying to put Cas in human boxes that he doesn't actually fit within. He repeatedly indicates that he thinks of Cas as just a guy, and then Cas acts in ways that defy that category.

So yeah, I guess I don't really think that Dean sees Cas as unsafe. It's more that Dean just isn't thinking of romantic relationships as a possibility for himself. And he doesn't quite know how to categorize what he and Cas are to each other (and the fact that Cas is a dude may or may not play into that, depending on how much you think Dean grapples with internalized homophobia). And they're both generally fucked up.

It's an interesting idea, though, that Dean sees Cas as a danger, that I'd be interested in seeing explored more in posts or fic.

[babyboywinchester]

i’m watching supernatural for the first time. i’m on season 3 right now, but i’m not that excited for castiel that comes in season 4, just mainly because misha collins gives me the ick. like calling the CW homophobic because dean and castiel didn’t get together is already weird because like why is he so hung up about it?? i know it has a lot to do with his fan base, but normal actors don’t really interact with their fans like that, like why is he leading them on for a show that ended four years ago?! also i know he’s probably done a lot of bad things but saying the f-slur when he had to clarify he’s straight is wrong. also him saying the slur in the context of gay people needing to reclaim it was so bizarre to me, like dude stop saying it?! he just gives me the ick big time with all that.

also sorry this was so long.

No need to apologize, dear one! I love getting asks or talking so fear not.

I’m excited the hear about you starting Supernatural! I loved the first three seasons. My sister and I started watching it back in the fall of 2012 when I was a senior in high school. It was so exciting and we couldn’t wait to watch as many episodes after school as we could. Anyway, the magic wore off after we got all caught up and were able to watch season 9 as it aired and I became more involved in the fandom side on tumblr… destiel was EVERYWHERE and as someone who was realizing they were a wincest shipper… that made it all that much worse.

Luckily, I have found that the Destiel screechy circle are but a VERY small minority. Thank GOD… but oh are they loud. That ties in to Misha of course. You know the signs they have in places that say stuff like “don’t feed the animals.”? Yeah, those are for people like himself who insist on baiting and egging on these mentally unwell people into believing, and filling his pockets, because it saves him the trouble of having to get a job or actually work on making changes himself.

So, the whole balls deep thing? Real bold of him to say at a convention where Jensen wasn’t present when Jensen himself, numerous times, has mentioned he does not like Destiel. Also bold of Misha seeing as he’s unemployed and the CW was the place that gave him his longest running job… that’s also called defamation and if I were the CW I would send a cease and desist letter. He’s emboldened by these people who worship the ground he walks on because they fetishize one gay ship. He takes them for the rubes they are and milks money from them by just regurgitating the same shit they pass around to each other in their little bubbles. I’m sure you’ve come across them… so I won’t even mention some of their names here as I don’t have the time or patience to deal with their lot.

Yes, bold of a man to use the word “f-g” when he had to walk back coming out as bisexual and come out as straight. He’s learned nothing. He’s also just gross, crass, and all around an unpleasant person. He knows this is his only way to stay relevant and so he’s going to milk it until it’s dry.

Fear not you are NOT the only one who can’t stand him or Castiel. Luckily, regardless of what the hellers say, he doesn’t add much to the story and his “arcs” can be completely ignored and it doesn’t take away from the story any.

Thanks for the ask! I hope you’ll send more as you continue watching the show!

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Heeeey , congratulations for the 700 followers ! 💚

I would like to request the two prompts :

"Anything worth dying for is certainly worth living for." (Joseph Heller, Catch 22) and "For you , a thousand times over." (Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner) with Fives x reader, if you please 🥰

Thank you, and I'm looking forward to read your next fics 💕

@griffedeloup Thank you so much for your second request love! And another Fives one at that! Ahhh I love Fives.

Okay this one isn't as fluffy as the first one I wrote for you, but I still hope you enjoy it.

Love oo.

Come Back To Me

Warnings: Character death, tears, guilt, betrayal, vomiting, emotions, Umbara arc, grief, lost of trust, fear, kissing, I think that's it. If I miss anything please let me know.

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There was a heavy, unbearable silence that hung in the air as everyone looked at each other. The 212th and the 501st were beyond devastated. It was one thing to lose brothers in combat because they were fighting enemy forces, but to lose brothers because they’d been set up by their own General was even worse, and to be the ones responsible for killing your vode was contemptible and sickening. 

You fought your tears, as you held your hand on Waxer’s wound doing your best to try and stop the bleeding, even though everyone knew there wasn’t any hope. As much as you fought to, you couldn’t help it when your eyes locked with Commander Cody’s confirming what everyone already expected, you slowly shook your head, there was nothing you could do for him. It wasn’t long after that Waxer breathed out his last and closed his eyes for the final time. 

With a huff you threw down the bacta gauze, you needed to get away from there, you needed to breathe, to recoup, you didn’t hesitate as you got up and walked, well practically ran away. You were angry. Annoyed. Grief stricken. Guilt ridden. There were simply too many emotions at once you were trying to deal with and being around everyone wasn’t helping. 

Rex did what any good Captain would do as he rushed after you and grabbed your arm calling your name, trying to do his best to comfort you, “Hey, stop. It’s not your fault. What happened to Waxer, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Let. Go. Of. Me.” You yanked your arm away from him, harshly ripping it from his hold; maybe you shouldn’t have been so short tempered or even so angry, but he had to know they weren’t the only ones that were hurting. Especially, since it was your blaster shot that hit Waxer,  and even as a medic, it was your job to save him. You were supposed to save him, and yet you failed him, all of them there too. 

Your feet carried you as fast as they could to a secluded spot. You couldn’t take one more pair of eyes staring at you. One pair of eyes asking you why this happened. Just because you were a civilian contract, somehow, you were supposed to have the answers? As soon as there was silence and relative peace, you bent over vomiting the contents of your meagre dinner on the ground of Umbara. The tears were free flowing as it all came crashing down on top of you. Your knees gave way as the last barrier you had, broke down; guilt overriding any other emotion at that moment. 

You didn’t hear him come up behind you, not that you ever did; you simply felt his comforting arm wrap around you, pulling you into his chest, as his other hand guided your head to his shoulder, holding you there as his body practically wrapped around you as he kneeled beside you. 

“Cyar’ika” Fives whispered, “It’s not your fault. None of what happened is your fault. It’s not ours either.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your head, holding you close as you sobbed your heart out, he felt like your soul was being torn in two as he tightened his arm around you, “I got you, cyare. I got you.”

You held on to his arm, needing his warmth and touch to ground you; this wasn’t something you’d been trained for; sure you were a combat medic, but you were trained to handle droids, hostile aggressors not … to be fraked by your own General. Not to be responsible for the deaths of fellow clone soldiers, friends, brother-in-arms, men you’d shared drinks with; this wasn’t supposed to happen.

About an hour later Rex and Cody had come up with a plan to arrest General Krell, once they laid out the details to their, in your opinion, kamikaze idea, you couldn’t keep silent as you shook your head at their strategy.

“I’m sorry, you guys are just going to walk up and arrest him! Because a man who’s psychotic and sets his own men to attack each other will just say, ‘Oh okay, I’m under arrest.’?!”

“Cyar’ika …” Fives reached over and squeezed your shoulder trying to calm you down, “it needs to be done.” He glanced over to Rex and Cody, silently asking them to give you both a minute. Once you and he were alone, Fives gently cupped your cheek, “What’s wrong?”

Tears began sliding down your cheek as you shook your head, “I can’t … I can’t lose you. Any of you. We already lost so many, Waxer, Hardcase, Ringo, Oz, Echo, Trap, Redeye, Mixer, Denal, … maybe not all here on Umbara, but … I can’t lose you, too.”

Fives pressed his forehead against yours, “Cyare, you’re not going to lose me.”

“How can you know?” Your voice choked as you asked, fighting back the warm lump that was rising in your throat along with your fears and your worries.

“Because anything worth dying for is certainly worth living for; I’d lay down my life for you and for my brothers, but I want to live, love. My dear, you are worth living for, and I want to live for you. For us. I will come back to you. I will kill anything and everything that ever tries to stop me from getting to you.”

You let out a breath, you hadn’t realized you were holding as you pressed your forehead to his chin, “You have to promise. Promise me, you will come back to me.”

“For you, a thousand times over. I promise, I will always come back to you.” Fives tilted your head to look into your eyes, those eyes he loved so much. The ones that captured his soul the moment he met you, “Never will I ever stop fighting to come back to you. I love you.” 

You didn’t hesitate, closing the distance between you both as you pressed your lips to his, wanting to remember how he felt against your lips, the taste of his lips, and the warmth of his mouth. He pulled away, kissing your cheek and neck quickly as he pulled you in for a hug. 

“We’ll be back soon. Look after the wounded. I’ll come back for you.”

“You better, or I’ll bring you back from the dead and kick your ass.”

Fives chuckled as he held you tight, “I’ll hold you to that.” You felt him pull away, you looked at him one last time before he put on his helmet, joining Rex and the others as they went to confront General Krell. You closed your eyes and pushed the worry and fear aside as you focused on the wounded that needed your help. 

All you could do is wait to hear whether they’d been successful or if you’d have to find a way to kill him yourself. 

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[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of Both Worlds (part 20)

Tw: a bunch of profanities, nothing much in this chapter , short chapter tho

Vote below, i will only count the first 20 votes

Part 21

"You are so funny, (name)!" She laughed and playfully slapped you on the shoulder.

You laughed along and continued your conversation with her.

You finished all your classes for the day. You agreed to accompany her to the cafe because you have five grand in your bank account, courtesy by Yves and you can afford to treat her and yourself.

You didn't touch the food Montgomery gave you. Neither did Evangeline, because she too suffered from bad food poisoning when eating at that takeaway. It was thrown in the trash by her, it twisted your heart a little but you knew it wasn't edible.

Yves sent you a couple of texts asking you to call him when you're free along with pictures of what he found interesting. You muted him and chose to interact with your new friend instead.

In the end, the two of you shared the same opinion of Montgomery, that he may be creepy, but ultimately harmless. It's as if you completely had the memory of him punching Yves in the face erased.

It's nice. Someone around your age that shares the same humor and interests. Someone human unlike Yves and someone socially adept unlike Montgomery.

Good god, you can't believe you somehow considered Montgomery a friend.

"Hey (name)? I got this crazy idea."

You asked her what it was.

"Let's do a prank call on Montgomery." You gasped and said no way. But your tone betrayed you, it does sound like a fun joke. As long as the proper safety measures are taken.

"It will be the funniest thing ever. C'mon, here's the plan."

The both of you huddled together and discussed her nefarious ideas.

__

Her internet sleuthing skills are impressive, to say the least. All he needed was his phone number and his first name. You managed to find out he came from a family of farmers, 20 hours by car away from the city. Montgomery has been to more than 10 cities in the past decade, working various jobs and then quitting it to move onto the next place.

He once rented an apartment, but was evicted when he couldn't pay his rent on time. So you and Evangeline assumed he was living out of his car since then.

"Oh wow. You are proactive!" Giggled Evangeline when she saw you already saved his number under "Do not answer".

She is using your phone. Evangeline dialed Montgomery's personal number and pinched her nose to create an unrecognizable nasally voice. It was set to speaker mode.

After a few seconds of ringing, someone on the other end finally picked up.

"Hello?" It's undoubtedly him, coupled with the sounds of jackhammers rattling in the background.

"Heller, is this Mr Yeller? Montgomery Elizabeth Yeller?"

"Yeah, you got the right person. Who is this?"

"Yerr, this is Anita. Do you remember me, Mr Yeller?"

There was a pause.

"No, your name ain't ringing a bell. Anita who?" He finally replied.

Evangeline struggled to stifle her giggles. "Last name, Bath."

"Anita...Bath?" Montgomery was genuinely trying to remember someone in his life named that.

"Yeah you fucking do, stinky." You and Evangeline burst out cackling.

Eventually, Montgomery caught on and became upset.

"Ha ha. Very funny, you little shits. How the hell did you get my number?"

"Through Joe!"

You and her giggled. You pressed your palm against your lips.

"...(Name)?" His voice became soft and hopeful.

Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. You signal her to cut it out, but she squeezed your shoulder.

"Joe Mama!" She laughed so hard that she had to cradle her side.

"Of fuckin' course." Montgomery's tone returned to being unfriendly. "Don't you fuckin' kids have homework to do? Instead of wastin' y'all's time and y'all's future botherin' strangers?" He snarked.

"No, because we are smart enough to get a scholarship to Ligma!" You heard him scoff from the other side.

"The hell is Ligma? Ya think I fuckin' care if-"

"Ligma balls!" You and Evangeline had tears running down the side of your faces from chortling so hard. "Y-you fell for it three times, Mr Yeller! What the fuck?" Evangeline added between laughs.

"...Stupid good for nothin' kids." He grumbled before hanging up.

Evangeline tried calling immediately after. To your surprise, he still answered.

"I ain't playing with y'all unless you're callin' in to apologize."

"StinkySayHuh."

"Huh?"

You and her let out the loudest scream of glee that he managed to take the bait. The remainder of the call was filled with mocking laughing from you two.

"Y'all can go straight to hell." He scolded before hanging up.

You found it so hilarious despite it being juvenile humor, your howling turned silent and your face became red. You couldn't breathe from guffawing too hard.

"Again, again!" She pressed the button call on his number.

It was declined. She pouted while you're still recovering from your giggles.

She tried calling him repeatedly, but all other attempts went to voicemail. His phone wouldn't receive any texts either.

"Aw, looks like he blocked you." Evangeline handed your phone back to you. Grinning, you thanked her profusely, this is exactly what you wanted.

"No, thank you for hanging out with me. This is the most fun I've had for months!" You laughed along and took another look at your phone.

You had that instinctive jerk upon seeing the time. Her smile dropped and changed to a confused expression.

"What's wrong?"

You were in the middle of packing until you realized you didn't have to take the bus. You apologized and explained yourself.

"Oh, that's totally fine. Hey, what do you say we hang out at the beach?"

You told her that Mr Jones is probably waiting for you.

"Daddy isn't just driving one person around all day. He's like an on-demand taxi! He's going to come to you only after a phone call."

You never knew that.

"Besides, you don't have a stuffy ol' Sir Yves to entertain. You're free! You get to go wherever you want to, whenever you want to." She gave you jazz hands to bring home her point.

"The sun is out, but it isn't that hot. We can dip our feet in the water to cool ourselves down."

You rubbed your chin. That does sound nice, and you don't want to reject your only friend. It's not like you have anything to do at the moment.

"But we're gonna need to take the bus though. I haven't had my driver's license yet." She added.

It takes an hour to ride the bus from the university to the beach. You're full from the junk you ate from the cafe, and you have enough money to buy whatever you want from the stalls.

You could always call Mr Jones up to drive you home from the beach.

However, you should probably go home and talk to Yves. You're barely answering his texts while he was excited to show you the attractions around his hotel.

"So, what do you say, (name)?" She asked with a hopeful smile.

You thought about it.

[lordofdestructionm]

The not so subtle sentimentality of Mordecai Heller

With the Lackadaisy Short Film  teaser trailer hitting over 800K views one line from Serafine got me thinking about a side of Mordecai that is not often discussed but is crucial to his character and may play a key part in the comics story before the end

Though it is easy for both other characters in the story and readers to see Mordecai as just a cold killer that cares more about stains on his shirt than ending multiple lives in grizzly ways (and that is true for anyone who makes the mistake of getting in the way of him completing his work) a closer look reveals that, while reserved for a short list of people, there is a strong streak of sentimentality hidden behind the buttoned down aloof professional persona he tries so hard to maintain

His Mother and Sisters

Mordecai was dealt a very bad starting hand in life. With his father dying when he and his sisters were still very young, despite his loving and hard working mother doing her best to provide for them, the family lived in poverty in the slums of New York

As a result Mordecai has to start working at a very early age and being naturally gifted with numbers he becomes a book keeper and soon enough gets drawn into running the numbers for gambling and loan sharking gangs.

All of this was done to try and make life better for his mother and his sisters. In a flashback to when he was on the run from the criminals he had been working for after being caught embezzling funds from them, his life is in danger and he needs to get out of town in a hurry and so jumps on a train in either 1920 or 1921.

Despite this he fixates on writing a letter to send to his mother in which he explains the location of his ill gotten savings and urges her to move with his sisters to cleaner better ventilated housing.

Because the money wasn’t primarily for his benefit

Mordecai clearly loved his sisters very much and they could break him out of his reserved bookish demeanor. We can see even as an adult Modecai holds the memory of his childhood with his sisters, impoverished and hard though it clearly was, very close. Close enough that thinking about them are enough to bring out his very small but very genuine smile that could not be further away from his “ice pick look”.

Atlas

The next imporant relationship in his life is with Atlas May. When on that getaway train he soon realized that cut throats from his former employers are already in the carriage waiting for their moment to pounce

Mordecai is 100% certain that he is about to get a bullet to the head and the tunnel will provide the hitmen with the perfect cover as the darkness and noise descends.

Only for a ray of light to suddenly appear

Atlas gave Mordecai the means to survive, not just by literally giving him what he needed to escape his would be murderers, but by employing him and providing a new purpose when he had nowhere else to go and no idea what to do.

Atlas being dead by the time of the main story, by design we know very little about his personality and relationships with others except for what the people who knew him have to say.

But is is very clear that Mordecai felt a deep loyalty to Atlas. It may even be speculated that he became a surrogate father figure for him, having lost his own father so young and having been moulded while working for him from the scared youth in shabby second hand clothes to a dapper professional bookkeeping bootlegger

This loyalty has not ended with Atlas’s death. He is determined to get to the bottom of the mystery of his murder. This is despite the fact it would be a much smarter move by far for the sake of both professionalism and survival to let dead former employers lie and simply carry out his new role with the Marigold gang no questions asked

Instead it is clear the entire reason he has abandoned The Lackadaisy is not, as Mitzi and the rest think, cold self interest but so he can investigate if the rival gang had any role in his mentors death

Even discussing the topic causes his cold passive exterior to crack and makes him look broken and overwhelmed

Viktor  (You knew this was coming)

As anyone who has followed this account will know this is one of my (and many other fans) favourite dynamics in the series

At fist it seems there is little reason for these two to have any kind of bond. Mordecai is pretty much obsessed with good grooming, high quality tailoring, correct grammar, and tends to go on one-sided rambles when perturbed.

 This clashes hard with the surly Slovak who is often unshaven, relatively casual in his attire, speaks a broken English, and hates people chattering or “noise, noise, noise” as he calls it. Indeed the two often bicker and act as if they can’t stand the other

However for whatever reason, in spite of these big differences, the big bruiser mechanic and the fussy nerdy sharp shooter are able to work very well together and soon become key weapons in Atlas’s arsenal

And in spite of their differences there is evidence, that over the course of the roughly six years they were working together before their bosses death, that these two extremely anti-social personalities actually began to form an unlikely rapport

On the one known occasion when Mordecai actually drank strong alcohol, and predictably got hilariously drunk, one of his chosen topics of conversation is his “friend” Viktor and how “great” he is (including a possibly telling comment about his large physique *cough*)

Mordecai also, despite being the type of person who you would assume would just radiate Scrooge energy, makes a point of buying Viktor a Christmas/hanukka present. Though he keeps up appearances by presenting it as another criticism of Viktor’s fashion sense

Tellingly Viktor voluntarily wears the tie for the rest of the day, something only Ivy (someone Viktor treats as a surrogate daughter) is able to get away with as well.

The two also not only work well together in a professional capacity, but seem to truly look out for each others welfare when on the job. Not only does Mordecai save Viktor from being shot while distracted, Viktor then goes out of his way to retrieve Mordecai’s pince-nez from the staircase of a burning building

While a hilarious moment as Mordecai fails to react in the “correct” way to having just survived a bloody shoot out, it also sums up his entire attitude to people, that he separates the world into those who count and those who don’t. The former are a short list

Viktor, along with the others on here, counts for Mordecai

This is made clear at his chat with Mitzi at the lunch meeting.

Mordecai may have kneecapped Viktor when he left the Lackadaisy gang, but from what we know now this was clearly an attempt to get Viktor out of harms way by forcing him to retire from bootlegging, and quite possibly to avoid Marigold putting him in a position where he would have to fight Viktor if he was told to finish off the failing speakeasy. Something he could hardly refuse if he wanted to keep investigating Atlas’s death

Mitzi seems to know Viktor is a chink in Mordecai’s armour, and of course exploits that to the fullest. When she informs him that his theft of the Lackadaisy arsenal put Viktors life in danger Mordecai’s face makes less than neutral expression

As Mitzi keeps twisting that screw Mordecai knows he is in danger of giving something away and with Asa right next to him he needs to restore his barriers.

In this case quite literally using a menu to cover his face to ensure he doesn’t slip up again

It seem to work as Asa laughs of the idea of Mordecai having a heart beneath the cold exterior (something we know is a big mistake)

Even when the attention is off him and the topic of conversation moves on his gaze remains firmly fixed down at the table.

Until Atlas lets slip some crucial information about Atlas’s last days. So much for there being “no heartstrings to tug on”

I am sure the Lackadaisy Animated Movie is going to be amazing and hopefully will only lead to ever more popularity and attention for this amazing world and its characters

[hitchell-mope]

I’m going to be mean here.

Chuck. Did not. Win. If he had. Then Dean and Sam would’ve been in hell, separated and tortured for eternity. Not in heaven, together and driving around in the impala for eternity. Your bullshit headcanons and moronic theories are nothing. Canon is canon. It’s been nearly four fucking years. For the love of Christ. Get the fuck over it.

If I had been in charge of season ten. Dean would’ve been worse. I would have written him properly. Dean should have be stoic. But detached. The writers wanted to make him worse? I would have fucking committed to it. Dean should’ve killed innocent people under the mark. He should’ve slipped up and called Sam “Collette” at least once. Maybe even fed Sam his blood when he was a demon. I don’t know. I haven’t figured it all out quite yet. But one things for sure. I would have made MOC!Dean worse. As he should have been.

Aside from that I’ll never fucking understand why they made Dean be all buddy-buddy with Bradbury. I didn’t give a fuck about her. In fact. I laughed when she died. But Dean is CLEARLY the type of heterosexual man that sees lesbians as entertainment. Like Stinson and Tribiani before him. And I’ll never understand why they brotp’d them up when Sam was right the fuck there. Make it make sense. That’s all I’m asking really. Just make it make sense.

TL:DR; Chuck didn’t win. Hellers theories are, as always, shit. Dean should’ve been worse under the mark. And I may not give a shit about Bradbury. Sam should’ve been closer to her than Dean was. And as always. These are my opinions. So if you don’t like them. Then please just block me. It’ll save you, and more importantly me, a helluva lot of time.

[unsc-offical]

I've decided i will allow myself one starfield post so I do not burst so here are my thoughts

Let me give my crew a hug or just some kind words or a greeting, and allow me to say goodbye or an "welp, guess I gotta go" instead of just leaving, they always sounds so disappointed when we stop talking. I know I am.

LET ME GIVE CORA COE BOOKS I STG I WILL FIND YOU TODD HOWARD

I need more stuff to put on the back of my ship, it's just some engines and squares and some stuff that looks like engines (I run a uscss nostromo replica, from alien (the franchise))

Give me the exact parts to make the Pelican from halo. It's not a want but a need, Todd,

Guys if you're playing starfield and in the epsilon eridani system, check the caves on reach, for noble six. Idc if he's not there I will never stop looking

Let. Me. Give. Cora. Coe. Books. Todd.

I want more space in the ship builder. Definitely not to re create Garfield as a space ship, I want it for normal reasons like...uh... recreating the battlestar galactica. Yeah... definitely

Let me arrest people in freestar space instead of blowing up their ship or boarding and killing them. My character is a mute mass murder with a friendly face, smile who is always the kindest they can be. Who's a great person who has resolved so many conflicts peacefully, and saved lives, but I've also killed over 300 people because they're labeled as "bad guy pirates" who are NOT people with lives and families to support. Anyway moving on

WHY IS IT SO MANY SKILL POINTS TO GET MORE CREW I JUST WANT ALL MY SCRUNGLIES ON MY SHIP AT ONCE (except heller and lin, I'm making my first and only outpost just for them lol it's gonna be on starfields planet reach (epsilon eridani II I believe, maybe it's III or I, but it's definitely epsilon eridani because that's where reach is in halo lore).

I've collected so many books let me give them to Cora, Todd Howard from Bethesda,

Honestly I don't mind the not being able to travel freely but there is just TOO MANY MENUS to finally travel somewhere. Especially when I haven't been there before and have to do it

I also don't mind the state of planet exploration BUT I am not saying you shouldn't complain. This isn't an indie company with 1 guy 5 dollars and a pizza (that's the state of the UNSC pr office lmao @oni-official) it's a part of the biggest company in gaming and should not be free from criticism, but also don't go after the devs ovbiously

I'll reblog this with more thoughts when I have them. If you haven't noticed I'm bad at sticking to what I say and should stop saying things.

[lol-jackles]

tumblr /jenmishperceiver/747567018487726080/i-think-if-anything-put-the-final-nail-in-the> I've seen this assumption before and imo it's spin: Jensen said repeatedly that he told the group he wanted to think about the script, went home TO HIS WIFE and said he was uncomfortable, who then suggested calling Kripke, ect // In all the retellings, I've never actually seen it said Jensen fought with the writers OR EVEN TOLD THEM and Jared he was uncomfortable until AFTER he'd changed his mind to agreed

Bitter Destiel shippers are those kinds of people who fall for IRS telephone scams.

You're correct, Jensen never said in any of his retellings that he fought with writers nor did he tell them or Jared he's having a hard time "digesting" until AFTER he talked to Kripke and was convinced by Kripke that "Carry On" was the right ending for fans. You know, the real fans who watch the show for what it really is: Sam's hero journey with his beloved brother, Dean.

That said, while you're correct that it's Jensen's job to sell the concept, he has also been pitching a Dean-led spinoff for years. Remember his "dream" (X) that he pitched during the SPN press junket?   I didn’t side-eye his PCA campaigns or his pursuit for Dean-centric storylines, but I did raise my eyebrows at his ballsy move to publicly pitch his post-Sam projects in front of Jared and Misha. What does the jenmishperciever's Anon say about that? Hummm?

Actors are always pitching their project ideas, they're just a bit more subtle about it. I'm certain Jensen had hoped the "dream" would catch on with the fans and they would campaign for it. Except not even AAs were down with the idea. Casual fans even less so. Lucky for you I saved the screenshot from the article:

Reading through jenmishperciever's Anon's self-soothing fanfiction is like watching bread grow old right before your eyes; same delusions we've seen for the past 12 years. Blame Jared for playing Sam who was in the way of a fake fetish ship from becoming canon that Less than 1% of the SPN audience ships. Said Jared's drunken arrest (I refuse to call it a bar fight, it was a group hug gone wrong) could have threaten the ENTIRE filming of the SPN final season while ignoring Anthony Starr's drunken arrest, which by the Anon's logic, would have threaten the ENTIRE filming of The Boys.

Lol they still pretend to believe that Kripke gave the SPN rights to Jensen when Kripke is SUEING WB over profit participation over SPN.

The only thing Jensen cared about with his SPN spinoff was lens crafting, which was why The Winchesters was a Shein version of an AU fanfic. Remember when Jensen told TW cast “don’t fuck it up for me”? After 15-20 years, Jensen is used to lead actors/Jareds doing the heavy lifting in carrying the show and being leader of the cast and crew and he benefitted from the sweet spot as #2 on the call sheet i.e. the good guy who is friends with everyone.

If Jensen keeps trying to be in charge of SPN projects, SPN fans’ reaction is going to be the same as today Marvel fanboys’ reaction every time they hear Kevin Feige’s name: “What did you did do this time you Son of a Bitch!? What train did you derail this time?”

Since Supernatural ended 4 years ago, the bitter Destiel hellers and AAs are stuck in a time loop of step 1 through 4 of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression). S tep 5 is acceptance, which is long delayed due to Jared’s continue success i.e. Walker in it's 4th season and #1 scripted show for CW.

[earthflaxmachina]

The Metahistory of Paz

A user on instagram requested I talk about how Paz/Rumi were before modern tbod development, and since I actually made Paz around the time I made Derek (Dolan, at the time) in early 2019, there is enough content for a long post, so I want to tackle that first. Rumi was created in 2021, so she hasn't gone through as much change outside of personality.

Note that for the sake of saving space on this post (only 30 images allowed), I won't be including much of what is already public on derekdemetripoo or something.

Let's gooooooooooooo!

Note: around September/October 2019, my hard drive where I keep all of my art got corrupted so I had to get it fixed and they managed to recover a lot of my files but not all of them, because of this all the metadata (e.g date of creation) of the files was lost. All dates before 5th October 2019 are approximations based on what date it was saved on my phone/what date I posted it on toyhouse, etc.

Notex2: Also, when I mention Derek's old self, I will refer to him with his name at the time, Dolan, and also Paz by her old names.

CREATION: approx. ~26th January 2019

Figure 1. Paz's first design and appearance (Heller) | Figure 2. Heller's icon on toyhouse (~4/2019)

Around this time I started making demon ocs, one of which was Paz, or at the time she was Dolan's (Derek) half-brother, Heller Luq Urhis. No cultural inspirations for that name, I literally made up words. Heller was based off my friend's backpack (Figure 1). Dolan's full name was Dolan Sol Urhis. I think they both had a thing for Cerise (if you remember seeing me draw a pirate lady, she was from this era as well but less piratey). Not much I can say about Heller's personality because I don't remember and I never wrote things down. I think he was pretty serious to contrast w Dolan. This post is only about Paz so I won't go deep into other characters.

Something I remember about Heller is that, at some point he wasn't born a demon but was actually turned into one after he died, and that his starry poncho was handcrafted by him so he could remember what stars looked like (there are no stars in Hell). This contradicts the idea of him and Dolan being half-brothers, so I think this was canon before I made them brothers.

Fun fact: at this time, both this story - Devil's Adequate, though I named it in March 2020 - and Wence happened in the same world. I think. I know that Harlow had a connection to Luciano's brother.

DEVIL'S ADEQUATE V2: September 2020

Figure 3. Heller redesign portrait | Figure 4. Heller redesign reference, both from 7th November 2020

This was when I decided to make Devil's Adequate a more "serious" (it was corny) story about morality and heaven and hell, as you can see Heller has a bit of a priest/nun look. At this point he wasn't Dolan's brother anymore but an unrelated character. I think he was a fallen angel who was in denial about being Bad, so he kept up the priest thing in Hell. Quite an interesting concept, given the rest of the story was your average Maybe The Hell And Heaven System Is Flawed (sound familiar? lmao I was 15 by the way. This is a concept a 15 year old comes up with. cough)

I had quite a bit of worldbuilding for Devil's Adequate, like names for places and races of demons/angels. The comprehensive text on the worldbuilding is lost because it was a description for the toyhouse folder I later deleted. All I have left to work from is Dolan's toyhouse profile and maybe the draft script of Devil's Adequate however short. For example, Heaven was called Ecstasis instead.

According to Dolan's toyhouse profile,

'During [Dolan's] years as a secretary he met one of the Fallen Angeli, Heller - they became close friends, very close that Heller was enticed by him and developed feelings, of which are unrequited.'

Interesting! So now he was a love interest. This love interest thing would continue into early TBOD. I would get into the whole Devil's Adequate lore but I think that's more suited to an essay about Dolan/Derek's metahistory because he Was the protagonist.

NOT QUITE DEVIL'S ADEQUATE, NOT QUITE THE BOOK OF DEREK: July 2021

Figure 5. Pascal's new biography (23rd July 2021)

Figure 6. Pascal and Death (4th August 2021) | Figure 7. The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse (6th August 2021)

At this time, Dolan was no longer Dolan, he was now Death. This story didn't really take place in Heaven or Hell but in some kind of Purgatory office where Death and the other 3 horsemen had to collect souls of people who died like reapers. Each horseman would have their "department" and would collect souls of people depending on how they died. For example, Pascal (no longer Heller), being the horseman of Pestilence, collected souls of people who died by disease. I named him (yes, still a man) Pascal because it was close to Pestilence and I was trying to get the names close to their role. The exception was Cerise (horseman of War) because she was trans and chose her name. P.S. his gloves weren't a fashion choice, he poisoned everything he touched, except for Death.

In Figure 5 it says:

“[His] first big debut was the Plague”

This means he started working when the Bubonic Plague started, because of the overwhelming mortality rate the higher ups (whoever they are) decided there needed to be a horseman of Pestilence to handle those. See image below for Death and Pascal’s first meeting when he made his debut.

Figure 5 also states he is the “3rd Horseman” meaning one of the other two horseman started working before him, since Death is the 1st. It was Fergie, aka Famine.

At this point, there was a tsundere quality about him and the implication of yaoi was latent. As you can see from Figures, he had a one-way rivalry with Death and was simultaneously jealous and in love with him.

Too lazy to date these individually just know they were from 23rd July 2021 - 18th October 2021, in order of creation.

EARLY TBOD: October 2021 onward

Figure 8. Paz first seen as a girl (23rd February 2022) | Figure 9. New Paz info and first instance of being called "Paz" (18th April 2022) | Figure 10. Paz and Aarum (also 18/4/22)

Around this time was when I ditched the office idea and came up with the idea of Derek (named on 12th September 2021) wanting to have a child with a human. Paz's crush was now a crazy obsession, and also she was in a relationship w Aarum for a while. Canonically, at some point, they broke up some time during Derek's human life. Overall this era in her development was really weird and I'm ashamed of it.

In Figure 9, Paz mentions Derek's "corpses", this is referring to the fact that when Derek first became human he died a lot because he wanted to try different ways of getting hurt and also dying so there were lots of his corpses after he kept dying and coming back. This idea does not carry onto current TBOD because, why, lmao.

There was a plot point where Derek BURIED HER ALIVE for a couple of years (she couldn't die bc she was already dead) because she convinced Aarum to kill Derek earlier than they planned. So weird. This also does not carry onto current TBOD because it's stupid.

Figure 11. The trio celebrating Derek's loss of virginity (18th May 2022)

Quickly all of that weird violence got retconned away and we forgot all about that. Until June 2022 she still had that weird crush that feels like she was cheating on Aarum emotionally. After June, she was a fujo but still dating Aarum, at least the crush wasn't there anymore. I think everything from October 2021 onward is public on derekdemetripoo if you scroll far enough, so I won't include many images.

MODERN TBOD: October 2022 onward

Figure 12. First instance of what would become Paz's new design (23rd October 2022) | Figure 13. Current Paz ref (2nd August 2024)

Figure 12 was never posted because I planned to draw Derek and Aarum there too but got lazy. It was an au where Paz had Derek's role, because at the time I also entertained with an au where Aarum had Derek's role - and from that came Aurele. This drawing was meant to have all 3 of them as gods sitting on chairs. Her chair says Patricia because like Aarum was called Aurele, she needed an au name too. Her dress was inspired by the Haitian Karabela traditional dress iirc because she's Haitian.

I think by now I had gotten rid of the idea of her and Aarum altogether, never dated, just friends. Because Aarum was gay now and Paz was now somewhat romantically/sexually apathetic. Also her and Derek were now more friendly, and she doesn't call him sir anymore. Maybe she did when they first met because he was this weird celestial being, but once they got to know each other she dropped the formalities. Happy ending!

It was always planned that in her past life she was a Haitian volunteer nurse who died by disease in the 1800s. But upon more research she would've had to be a mixed child between a slave and a white man (given the time it was most likely rape) if she had access and freedom to study medicine (albeit informally since women could not go to college). I don't really know how I feel about writing a story like that so I decided to push her death further ahead in time. But yknow if you're gonna write a historical black person there's gonna be slavery/segregation tied to it because the civil rights movement wasn't really that long ago.

At the time of writing this, I still don't know when she died. But I've been entertaining the idea of around the 70s-80s because of the way she dresses. It's probably her old clothes from when she was alive. Maybe it was AIDs. Maybe she accidentally got poked by a non-sterile syringe while volunteering. Who knows. She was 25 when she died and that has been a consistent fact since early TBOD.

Fun fact: I always intended for her to be neurotypical, but I guess things just have a way of happening, she doesn't really give neurotypical anymore. And that's okay. I think it's funny that Derek's only friends aren't normal people either.

I think that's about it for Paz's metahistory! This took a while. A lot of these facts I've just been storing in my head cuz I never made a habit out of writing oc stuff I just remembered it. Which is not a reliable way to store lore.

I've got a couple of requests for other ocs' histories, so I look forward to going down memory lane again. I might even do one on Derek's full metahistory. I tried that once but the max image limit was 10 and also it had stupid commentary. So I might remake it.

Hope you enjoyed reading if you actually read all of this! If you skimmed, this doesn't apply to you. TASER TASER TASER!!!!!!!!!!