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longitudinalwaveme · 3 years

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DC Comics’ Portrayal of Mental Illness

As you can probably ascertain from the general contents of this blog, I am a huge fan of DC comics (and, more specifically, of the Flash). I am also a psychology major who is on the autism spectrum and has struggled with Social Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. As such, I have a...complicated relationship with comic books that discuss mental illness.

Of course, of all the comics that deal with mental illness, Batman is undoubtedly the most prominent, and, as such, is the easiest target for criticism. The more a comic book talks about mental illness, the more opportunities it has to get stuff wrong. Since there are literally thousands of Batman comics out there and I don’t have the time to research them all, I will be using a 2001 Batman guidebook to give you a few examples of the things that it gets wrong about mental health (and psychology in general).

To start, let’s talk about Arkham Asylum. Not only is its name anachronistic (virtually no mental heath facilities are called asylums anymore), but its depiction usually is as well: even a psychiatric hospital that doubled as a penal facility probably would not be located in an old Gothic-looking building that looks like it came straight out of a horror movie. It’s also worth noting that Arkham Asylum didn’t exist in the Batman mythos prior to 1974, and that originally, Two-Face and the Joker were the only two villains who went there. Prior to that point, everyone, even the Joker, just went to prison when they were caught (which, as we shall see, is actually probably more accurate for everyone except maaaybe modern Two-Face and the Mad Hatter). My suspicion is that it was introduced to capitalize on the popularity of the 1962 novel (and, once it was released, the 1975 movie) One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, which was about a psychiatric institution, but there were probably other factors involved, such as the popularity of works by H.P. Lovecraft (which is where the name Arkham came from). Whatever the reason, though, Arkham Asylum is really only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the misrepresentation of mental illness and mental health in Batman fiction.

The introduction of Arkham Asylum led, increasingly, to the idea that all Batman villains were mentally ill, which, in turn, led to some...um....very inaccurate portrayals and depictions of what mental illness is and how it works.

For example, the 2001 guidebook I am using incorrectly describes the Joker as “certifiably psychotic”. He’s not. While there are individual exceptions (we are talking about comic books, after all), in most appearances, the Joker is not psychotic. He has no apparent hallucinations and does not seem to display signs of delusions, either. He is not out of touch with reality in any meaningful way, he’s just horrifically violent. Describing him as “certifiably psychopathic” would have been much more appropriate (although you can’t technically diagnose someone with psychopathy; the condition he would be diagnosed with would be Antisocial Personality Disorder).

In the same book, Two-Face is described as “schizoid” and “schizophrenic”, both of which are not even remotely correct. What the modern Two-Face is supposed to suffer from is Dissociative Identity Disorder (what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder), although it’s not always portrayed terribly accurately. Schizoid Personality Disorder is not DID, and it’s not Schizophrenia, either; it’s a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships-basically people who are extreme loners. Similarly, Schizophrenia is not DID. While it is hypothetically possible for the two conditions to be comorbid, they are not at all the same thing. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder characterized by delusions and hallucinations, which Two-Face almost never displays in fiction. DID is a dissociative disorder. Most people with DID do not experience delusions or hallucinations; their condition is typified by the presence of more than one personality and is thought to usually only occur as a reaction to severe childhood trauma. (Credit where credit is due: modern Two-Face is correctly shown as having experienced trauma as a child.) The fact that the term schizophrenia literally translates into “split mind” is probably the source of some of this confusion, but with schizophrenia, the split is between the mind and reality, not between the mind and itself.

Also from this guidebook, the Riddler is, confusingly, described as having “an obsessive-compulsive desire for attention”, which, from a psychological perspective, is pretty much nonsense. Desire for attention is one thing; obsessive-compulsive disorder is another. The “obsessions” in OCD refer to intrusive, recurring thoughts, not to something that a person strongly desires and spends a lot of time pursuing. Additionally, the Riddler is described as “pondering the unsolvable riddle of his own psychosis”, which is not accurate. The Riddler consistently displays signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and less consistently displays signs of OCD, but neither one of these conditions is a psychotic disorder, as neither involves hallucinations or delusions. When the Riddler says he’s not psychotic, and that he’s perfectly sane, he’s completely right on both counts. He’s never displayed any evidence of a break from reality, so he’s not psychotic, and he’s almost always aware that what he’s doing is a crime, so he’s not insane, either. In fact, with the possible exceptions of the Mad Hatter, Man-Bat, and Two-Face, none of the Batman villains are insane, since they are all aware that what they’re doing is illegal when they do it.

What makes the earlier mistakes in this particular guidebook even more mystifying to me is the fact that their description of Scarecrow, and, more impressively yet, Scarecrow’s fear toxin, is pretty much accurate. They don’t call him psychotic or label him with conditions he doesn’t have and they accurately identify his on-again off-again phobia of bats (Chiropteraphobia). It also describes his fear gas thusly: “a toxic mix of adreno-cortical secretions and strong hallucinogens...it prompts neuromuscular spasms, cardiac arrhythmia, and panic attacks”. This is an astonishingly accurate description of what his fear toxin would need to be made of and what it does to his victims’ bodies. I don’t know who wrote this section, but they deserve some serious credit for doing their homework! (It makes no sense to put the Scarecrow in Arkham. Not only is he neither psychotic nor insane, but putting an evil ex-psychologist in a psychiatric institution is a REALLY bad idea, as he has the know-how to easily manipulate both the doctors and the patients.)

Also from the 2001 Guidebook: The Ventriloquist is described as having multiple personalities, and is NOT described as schizophrenic or schizoid. While the term Multiple Personality Disorder is no longer used by psychologists for diagnosis, it is at least describing the same condition as DID. Modern Firefly is described as a pyromaniac; this is accurate from what I know of the character. Mr. Zsasz is described as a “sociopath”; again, this is mostly accurate.

I also decided to use a few other DC guidebooks and see if there were any other egregious mistakes:

2015 Guidebook:

Haha, “Lenny Snart”. (That has nothing to do with mental illness, I just thought it was funny.)

Dr. Polaris is described as suffering from “a split personality disorder”; they mean DID. It’s also worth noting that most people with DID do not have a “good” alter and an “evil” alter; having DID does not make you Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

The Joker is described as “crazy” and “insane”; while the former is up for debate, I can say with confidence that the Joker meets no real-world definition of insanity that I know about.

Riddler is not described as insane, yay!

Two-Face is described as having Multiple Personality Disorder; this should be DID but is otherwise broadly correct. That being said, the idea that getting acid thrown in your face would cause you to develop a split personality, as this book seems to imply, is unlikely. DID doesn’t develop that suddenly.

2016 Guidebook:

While Doctor Polaris may very well have a personality disorder, the emergence of a second personality would indicate the development of DID, not a personality disorder. An adult man couldn’t “develop’ a personality disorder anyway; they’re developed in childhood and are usually lifelong afflictions.

Harley Quinn is a weird case; to call her psychotic isn’t completely inaccurate, as she has displayed signs of hallucinations and delusions in the past. That being said, the way her condition is depicted is inconsistent and confusing, and doesn’t seem to line up perfectly with any actual real-world condition.

Modern Heat Wave is absolutely a pyromaniac; Johns in particular was surprisingly good at writing a realistic case of the condition.

The Joker is not insane. Neither is the modern Joker’s daughter. Both understand what they’re doing is wrong.

Lex Luthor is indeed a sociopath, as is the New 52 version of Mr. Freeze (BTAS Freeze is not).

Two-Face’s condition should be described as DID, not MPD; otherwise things are about as accurate as one can expect from Two-Face.

2008 Guidebook:

Calling Abra Kadabra narcissistic is accurate.

The Black Manta autism thing is icky on multiple levels. Ewww.

The first Cheetah probably would not have suddenly developed a second personality as an adult.

Dr. Polaris. You know the drill. Split personality should be DID. A “good” and “evil” alter are pretty unlikely. Usually DID would show up before adulthood.

Firefly and Heat Wave do both seem to have pyromania. It’s also accurate to describe Heat Wave as cryophobic.

The Joker cannot be “certifiably crazed”; crazed is not an official psychiatric term. And again, he isn’t insane, so he shouldn’t be in Arkham.

Killer Croc has never displayed any noticeable signs of psychosis.

Magenta having DID is actually more realistic than most of the other characters I’ve talked about; she’s got the necessary childhood trauma and her alters developed when she was still quite young. Furthermore, her more violent alter isn’t manically evil.

Whoever wrote the Scarecrow piece in the 2001 Batman Guidebook must’ve also helped to write this one, since the shockingly-accurate fear gas description is the same.

Professor Strange is not insane in the legal sense of the word.

Arnold Wesker has DID; MPD is the condition’s original name but is no longer used by professional psychologists.

Zoom (Hunter Zolomon, not Eobard)... I think there’s an argument to be made that Zolomon actually is psychotic. While he’s never displayed hallucinations, he is clearly delusional in the most literal sense and does seem to have lost touch with reality. As such, this book is not wholly inaccurate in calling him psychotic.

You get the idea....

Looking specifically at the Flash, things improve slightly simply because writers who don’t understand psychology aren’t constantly talking about it. That being said, that doesn’t mean it never gets brought up.

Golden Glider was intended to receive a psychiatric evaluation in the late 1970s. It’s interesting that she actually protested this, pointing out that the male criminals never received psychological evaluations (and indeed, they always went to prison rather than to an institution). She was indeed motivated by something other than profit, and I can understand why they wanted to have her evaluated given her lack of earlier criminal activity, but I don’t know if she was actually mentally ill per se...and she definitely wasn’t insane.

In the early 1980s during the twilight hours of Barry Allen’s first run on the Flash, it seemed that the writers were trying to take a page out of Batman’s book by arguing that Barry’s costumed criminals were insane (even though they usually didn’t display any behavior that would indicate this). As such, Barry stated to imply that his Rogues were mentally ill in some fashion despite the fact that their behavior really hadn’t changed appreciably since their earliest appearances. That being said, the Pied Piper did appear to suffer some sort of nervous breakdown during the “Trial of the Flash” arc; what exactly this was is difficult to explain, since we didn’t get to see a whole lot of him after this point, but he did go to an actual psychiatric hospital (that was referred to as such rather than being called an asylum) and he did recover, relapsed, then recovered again, making this one of the more accurate portrayals of how mental illness works despite the limited information we have about his actual condition. They even showed him slowly deteriorating over a period of time before the actual collapse!

Big Sir, who made his debut in the same storyline, was rather more poorly handled....but at least he was explicitly manipulated into villainy rather than becoming evil simply because of his condition.

Wally West went to therapy early in his run; given the context I’d say it was reasonable that he was suffering from both anxiety and depression (his uncle had just died and he was really struggling to fill his shoes as the new Flash). Going to therapy did actually help him, which was nice to see, and his therapist did not become evil, which was also nice to see. (I’m not going to talk about Heroes in Crisis, as I prefer to pretend that that never happened.) Yay for protagonists discussing their mental health problems in productive ways!

In the early-to-mid 1990s, Mark Waid wrote a story in which Lisa stated that she’d faked insanity in order to be sent to a psychiatric hospital rather than to prison, but the story seemed to be implying that she was actually insane. Not only is successfully being declared not guilty by reason of insanity incredibly difficult, but Lisa displayed no signs of not recognizing that her behavior was wrong, so she wasn’t insane. She was, however, displaying strong signs of paranoia, which could perhaps be attributed to a paranoid delusion of some sort. It’s especailly weird since this was never really a characteristic of hers before or since, and it just kind of came out of nowhere.

The Trickster (specifically the first one, James Jesse) is often mistakenly believed to be mentally ill by casual fans. While he is indeed mentally ill, possibly even psychotic, in the DCAU, and he’s a remorseless psychopath in both live-action Flash shows, in the comics themselves he displays no real signs of mental illness. That being said, I LOVE the interactions between DCAU Wally and DCAU Trickster. They’re made of adorable.

The Pied Piper went through a second bout of mental problems in the mid-to-late 2000s, being tricked into believing that he’d murdered his parents, going to prison, being beaten regularly by the warden, escaping from prison, going through the stress of fighting in the Rogue War, having his mind messed with by the Top, accidentally becoming involved in the murder of Bart Allen (another thing I like to pretend never happened), having to go on the run, watching the Trickster get shot in front of him, having to drag his corpse around a desert, almost dying, getting transported to Apocalypse, blowing it up with Queen music, and then being left basically all alone. He really went through a trauma conga line, so it’s not surprising that he was starting to display some odd behavior. Poor guy probably had PTSD.

And then there’s the Top. Beyond the speculation of @gorogues that he’s on the autism spectrum (a theory I find to be quite persuasive), I also think it’s likely that he suffers from another mental illness (most likely bipolar I disorder, also as suggested by @gorogues). He was clearly mentally ill for most of Geoff Johns’ run, and his behavior in his very first appearance was decidedly odd as well. Intense mania and depression can sometimes induce psychosis (as we seemed to see during Geoff Johns’ run), and his “threatening to blow up half the world to become its ruler while I’m somehow safe on the other side of the planet” plan from his first appearance, which he clearly expected to work perfectly, is so overconfident and over-the-top that it fits well as a particularly exaggerated manic episode. While it’s not conclusive by any means, I think it’s a distinct possibility.

#dc comics #mental illness #flash comics #batman comics #flash rogues

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grimeysociety · 2 years

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Hi I’m ridiculously in love with all of your writing even tho there’s so much of it I’ll get around to finishing it in a few months in the meantime could you PLEASE tell me there’s any of you reviving ur Stephen x Wanda Hollywood fic?????? I am OBSESSED with ur Stephen I only want him to be in love and I want him happy

Also I would love to hear ur thoughts on doctor strange 2 !!!! I hope ur having a great day xoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxoxoxooxoxxoox

Hi, anon! Wow, you're so lovely.

I am planning to get back to my Hollywood AU series soon, I've been extremely unwell for the last couple of months so my motivation to write has been fleeting. However because of recently watching MoM I have been more inspired to get back to my galaxy brain filmmaker Stephen Strange, plus I have always loved writing Wanda. It's only a matter of time. I'm sorry I can't be more specific than that at this stage.

As for my thoughts on MoM, I'll put it under a cut because of spoilers.

So initially I enjoyed the movie a lot but once it was over and we were sitting and waiting during the credits for the extra scenes, I turned to my husband and said "yeah, I can see why people wouldn't like it". It's because Sam Raimi has always been campy. I liked that, but I knew some parts didn't necessarily translate so well for certain audiences of the MCU.

I think it's why I liked the Eternals when not many people did, stating it was the worst of what Marvel has ever made (which I don't think is fair, nor accurate). I knew what I was in for to some extent because I knew the director well enough.

Raimi was always going to be distinct and divisive. He likes the erratic takes of ordinary shots. He does the wacky shit that other people scoff at. I think it's a good time. I was entertained for the nearly 2.5 hours MoM ran for. I didn't think too much, but maybe that's why people weren't satisfied. The stakes didn't turn out to be that high, apart from the fact that Wanda's personality was shifted completely within minutes of her first scene.

She was a little mustache-twirly in terms of her villainy. It didn't make me hate her, I kind of rooted for her at times. Well, not really but I was still thoroughly engrossed by her every appearance. I don't think for a second that her death is permanent. She'll be back one way or another.

Captain Carter on the other hand? I hope we don't see her again. I think she didn't have to be in the movie at all. I feel it wasn't a bonus to have her included. Everyone else in the Illuminati however was a joy.

Also -- I was genuinely surprised by how violent it was. To the point where I don't know how they managed to get away with it and only have a PG-13 rating for the movie. Trust me, I checked. The body horror alone was distinctly non-kid-friendly. I even gasped "oh, fuck" when Black Bolt's head exploded.

Would I say every Raimi movie I've seen is good? No. Is this a good Raimi movie? I don't know. I think I'd need to watch again. It's not anywhere near as good as Evil Dead II or the first two Spider-Man movies. Was it a bad Marvel movie? Fuck no.

#anonymous #writing

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bubbly-bungee-may · 3 years

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ZoNa Valentine’s Week: Day 4 Why I Ship ZoNa: Part 1

So because i’ve never explained why I ship ZoNa, I’ve decided to use this Valentine’s Week as an excuse to make 3 separate posts on why I ship them.

They will be long posts because I am relying on the gifs I made of the anime rather than the manga (even though the manga may be more accurate, but I just started reading the manga so give me some time lol)

OKAY LET’S START.....

So just as a preface: First and foremost these two have known each other the longest. I’m not saying that in order to be a couple you need to know someone for a long time, but in ZoNa’s case I feel like it’s an important part of their relationship.

They started out as friends then shit went down in Arlong Park (namely where Nami plays the villain for a hot second and that shakes Zoro up cause he had trusted her) but then everything was settled and they went back to being friends.

I feel like that incident was necessary not only for the plot, but for Zoro and Nami’s relationship to develop. After everything, they now have full trust in the other and their relationship was able to evolve.

This all leads me to my first reason as to why I ship ZoNa:

1. They are friends FIRST

Yes, I ship them as a couple, but I believe that all successful relationships begin as friends (that’s just my own personal belief). A foundation built on friendship and mutual understanding and trust is what I believe allows this ship to sail.

And despite the fact that everyone thinks Nami and Zoro are only capable of fighting and butting heads, they are actually very good friends who are capable of holding normal conversations.

Exhibit A (Ep.54) : Nami took notice of how Zoro was acting strange and commented on it. She’s aware of his presence and isn’t just writing him off. And this also shows that she cares about him.

Exhibit B (Ep. 62) : Zoro wanted Nami’s opinion on what the strange sound he heard was. Also Nami is taking the time to answer him; she could’ve just ignored him completely but she decided to pay him attention.

Exhibit C (Ep. 154): This is a very brief moment, but Zoro and Nami have a conversation about dropping anchor and the layout of the island. And they are both on the ship alone and idk I like to think that Zoro was waiting for Nami to be done changing so that they could go on the island together.

Exhibit D (Ep. 161): Nami wanting Zoro’s opinion as to if he saw anything. Just shows that she trusts his judgment and how she can rely on him.

Exhibit E (Ep. 161): Short conversation, but still important. Zoro is showing concern and care for Nami by telling her to be more careful. And Nami is replying sincerely.

Exhibit F (Ep. 217): Zoro notices Nami is mad without even looking at her. If that doesn’t tell you how well he knows her by now, then idk what does. But it’s also important that Zoro is listening to her concerns and commenting on them.

So YES, they can hold normal conversations, here is the proof! And having known each other the longest, they also know the other well.

Zoro can spot Nami’s money obsession anytime, anywhere. (Ep.105)

And Nami knows how much Zoro loves sake, so she went out of her way to get it for him. (look at how happy he is hehe) (Ep. 255)

And this ⤵ gif (Ep. 159) is one of my newfound favorite moments and leads us into the next reason. It’s not in the manga, but maybe the animators are also ZoNa fans....??

2. They are comfortable around eachother.

Okay, but doesn’t it seem like Zoro is teasing Nami?!?! She almost ran into a tree and then Zoro is like “oooo a perfect opportunity to tease her”. Idk I just found this part super cute. Like Zoro isn’t usually one to be playful like this, but he is with Nami and ughhh it’s so cute!

And then the multiple times that Zoro is seen sitting/sleeping next to/near Nami. It just shows that they don’t mind each other’s company and honestly (intentional or not) I think they gravitate towards each other because of how comfortable they are with each other.

Exhibit A (46): He came to sit next to her during breakfast when he could’ve sat down next to his captain. Like is this his seat? Has he claimed the spot next to Nami as his own? ..... I like to think so.

Exhibit B (48): The start of Zoro’s debt. I just love how Nami leans in and he doesn’t seem to mind it hehe.

Exhibit C (Episode of Alabasta): The circumstance here was a bit different, but I like to think that she just wanted to be close to Zoro. And idc who tf you are, but if you were in Zoro’s position you can’t just not think about or be conscious about the woman on you. Like yeah you can call yourself friends, but you gotta be at least a bit conscious of where you’re touching and what’s touching you.

Exhibit D (Ep.149) : The start of the famed drinking buddies act. Nami moved here after pouring Robin a drink so I like to think that she felt comfortable and decided to settle down next to him. So i’m guessing Zoro’s seat is next to Nami during breakfast, and Nami’s seat is next to Zoro when they’re drinking?!

Exhibit E (Ep. 193): Psssst Zoro, just scoot your hand over a smidgen

Exhibit F (Ep. 225) : Before one of my favorite parts in the Foxy Arc (that will be shown in another part hehe).

Exhibit G (Ep 228): The two of them were up here alone before Sanji came. I like to think that Nami was relaxing and then Zoro came up wordlessly and just plopped down and fell asleep (before Sanji interrupted)

Exhibit H ( Ep 554): Honestly, Zoro is used to it at this point. And this just proves that Nami believes in his strength and believes that he will protect her no matter what.

Exhibit I (569): Ah yes the drinking buddies, an upgrade from Sky Island.

Exhibit J (569): Ah yes the sobering-up buddies. I made another post (here) on this, but I like to think Zoro likes being near her so he can protect her.

Now, I’d also like to make the argument that them butting heads is actually proof of how close they are.

Nami isn’t afraid of getting close to him and giving him a piece of her mind. Remember in my previous post when Zoro does this with Nami (who is Sanji in Nami’s body). Yeah, they def don’t mind being close to each other even when it comes to arguing.

(Ep 93)

You’d think Zoro would learn that he can rarely win an argument with Nami, but nah, that ain’t Zoro. Personally, I think Zoro low key likes arguing with her. Aside from Nami the only one he really argues with is Sanji (but even then what they argue about is usually something petty). (Ep 147)

I really like this gif because it shows that Zoro is trying to explain to Nami why they did what they did. She thinks they were “beaten”, but that isn’t necessarily correct, so he was trying to get her to see the real picture.... which she didn’t. lol (Ep 151)

But if there’s one thing I noticed about Zoro and Nami’s relationship when it comes to arguing, it’s that the other party is trying to get the other one to see from their point of view; they don’t argue just to argue.

Putting aside the fact that they were arguing about marriage (although if they ever did get married I’d think Nami would want something extravagant while Zoro would just be like “whatever just wake me up when I have to go in” ah okay my imagination is running wild.. stop stop)

Anyway, this part is important because this time it’s Nami who is trying to get Zoro to see from her point of view. Of course, she can’t do so without yelling and gnashing teeth, but the sentiment is the same-she wants Zoro to understand where she’s coming from. (Ep 764)

I mean look, friends have differing viewpoints and thoughts. Yes, they may disagree, but in the end it doesn’t really matter because people can still think differently but be close. Ever heard the saying “opposites attract”? yeah, that’s basically ZoNa in a nutshell. They may argue and disagree, but I think that brings them even closer.

And Zoro is usually referred to as the “calm and cool” guy, but the fact that he easily loses his “cool” over something slight that Nami says, idk I just find that cute that she’s able to get under his skin like that.

I love the dynamic between the two. They’re opposites who like to fight, but always have each other’s backs and couldn’t stand to see the other hurt.

#zona #zonami #zonalove #zonaforever #one piece #nami one piece #zoro one piece #nami #zoro #only otp #one piece otp

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skellebonez · 3 years

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Monkie Kid Headcanons Part 2: Red Son and Demon Bull Family Backstory

Follow up to this post, with a lot more heavy thinking needed this time. Since these characters technically had backstories in Journey to the West, I wanted to really think over how to work those into what we have in the show (even though it kinda doesn’t 100% work and is really messy if you overthink it since the show throws some stuff to the wayside). This took me multiple days to work out so I hope it at least makes sense.

Warning: This one actually gets very VERY dark with emotional and psychological abuse detailed in the later half, so I am putting all of these under a read more. Seriously. I want you to be aware of this before you click that button. Do not ignore this warning please.

I PROMISE that part 3 will be a lot less heavy. I just wanted to get this out so I could finally move on from it.

First, gonna preface this with the fact we all know Monkie Kid is not 100% accurate to Journey to the West. Characters that are supposed to be dead are alive after all, and Red Son’s existence in the show itself in particular kinda makes no sense when I overthink about him. Red Boy is evil in his first appearance, but comes back redeemed way later in the novel (and with his name changed to that of an actual deity who had already existed outside of JTTW with a completely different backstory).

In reality, JTTW is fiction based on historical events and Monkie Kid is made to be a kid’s show and was never going to be accurate to the novel. Not even adaptations of JTTW are. So basically, I headcanon this: in the show, JTTW the novel exists as a highly accurate and very important piece of historical novelization (a non-fiction novel). But like most examples of real non-fiction novels (like Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood), it is not entirely accurate and there are bits and pieces that do not line up. It is, however, incredibly close to 98% accuracy and anyone in it who reads it is impressed.

That being said, Red Son did study with Guanyin for quite a few years (though he was not entirely redeemed like his book counterpart, he was getting there). He actually did learn a lot and was pretty darn happy to be under her teaching at the time. Mostly because he didn’t know what was going on outside...

Unfortunately, later portions of JTTW confirm that Red Son being taken... completely ruined Monkey King and Demon Bull King’s friendly relationship. So that, combined with other events in the Fiery Mountains, it is incredibly likely that is why DBK was so bent on ruling and taking out Wukong for good. He wanted revenge for a lot of stuff Monkey King did.

Before we get into the depressing stuff, I personally headcanon that DBK was actually just. Dead. Completely dead. That is why he went from being covered in floof to being big buff body builder man. Hair does not grow back when you are dead. Removing the staff completely revived him. I needed a silly weird headcanon in here ok?

Since Princess Iron Fan calls him her husband, not her ex-husband as he had divorced her to be with Princess Jade Face in JTTW, I think they either reconciled at some point or PJF... didn’t exist? Since LMK is a kid’s show the later is more likely... but this is my headcanon. Given her personality in the show and book I think it is possible that they mutually divorced due to losing Red Son, DBK remarried, then realized he still loved PIF and wanted to go back to her and she took him back.

We don’t actually know much about PJF so... uh... I like to think she was shockingly chill about it and is just living comfortably somewhere else now. And never wants to see Monkey King again. I hope she is living her best fox spirit life.

Also unfortunately, DBK did not stand a chance and when he was sealed it took a major toll on PIF. She was left alone, her renewed husband either trapped or dead under a mountain and her son kinda sorta still arrested by a deity. This made her more distant to everyone and a lot more cold.

When news of what happened to his father reached Red Son, he pleaded with Guanyin to be allowed to leave her teaching to stay with his mother. He knew what isolation felt like and did not wish for her to feel the same any longer. Guanyin trusted her disciple and allowed him to return to his mother permanently, if he desired. Alone.

This was a mistake. Oh boy was this a mistake. Heaven should have either sent someone else completely or had someone accompany Red Son to PIF to help her because this one decision is why everything in show happens.

At first things go pretty well. PIF is definitely in need of support, but she is ecstatic to see her son again. And that lasts. For a while. Until she starts to project onto Red. She starts to blame him for being captured, for not being strong enough to take out Wukong when he had the True Samadhi Fire, for not being there to keep DBK from leaving her, for not being there to help his father fight Wukong a second time. Everything is Red Son’s fault now.

This simmers for a while before it starts to come forth to the surface. She starts being colder and more distant and giving Red little jabs in their conversations. She says them so sweetly it always takes Red a second to register what she says.

“Oh Red Son, if only your father were here to see this. Too bad you weren’t there to save him.” “I love you my son, even if you can be useless at times.” “Princess Jade Face would have loved you I bet, but you were far too busy with the celestials to visit. I understand.”

This starts to wear Red down after a while, until he starts to believe his mother. He WASN’T there when he father was defeated, he COULD have taken care of Wukong, he WAS the reason his father left his mother. She was as warm and loving to him as she was when he was a small child when he came back but now? Now she’s as cold to him as anyone else.

She is never outright physically abusive, that is below her in her mind. But other things? Like not having his meals prepared along side hers? Insulting him as casually as saying the sky is blue? Pointing out every mistake he makes when writing or working on a project? Taking his things and “losing” them, only to “find” them days later in a place she told him to look and telling him he needs to be more careful? “Mistakenly” locking Red Son in his room and ignoring his yells and pleas to be let out? Those are on the table.

And this is when he becomes obsessed with getting back in her good graces and starts to push aside his teachings from Guanyin. He just wants his mother back.

His mother does not come back... but his old self does.

Guanyin does not learn of this until long after it is impossible to convince Red Son to leave his mother. She has the kneejerk reaction to just take him back by force but... for some reason she does not. She lets him stay. Perhaps she does not want to make the wrong decision again. Perhaps she feels she taught him everything she could. No one really knows. She does not discuss this.

After a while PIF does lessen her emotional and psychological abuse, once she is certain Red Son will never leave her. She even starts to treat him nicely, like her son who she always loved, like a mother again, even praises and defends him from others again (and Red Son eats it up because this is exactly what he wanted and just fuels his determination to prove himself and stay in her good graces). And at the time the show begins she has come to terms with the fact Red Son was not, in fact, at fault for anything and even regrets this portion of her life.

Make no mistake, however, her treating him less bad, even well at times, now does NOT in any way absolve her of how she treated him in the past. She is still abusive and she has done nothing that could truly set anything right. She still calls him things like “her sweet useless boy” and pulls shit like the racing episode. It’s not really any better. It’s just not actively as bad as it used to be at the moment.

DBK in show did not notice how PIF had changed because in the pilot he was too distracted with being revived and as the show went on he was too distracted with the power of the White Bone Spirit calling to him.

Upon a rewatch he actually seems to be under WBS’s thrall multiple times before episode 10, such as the racing episode where we can clearly see his eyes glowing with possession blue, and I think this affected his personality a bit. Not much, I think he was still neglectful and cold to Red Son from the get go, but WBS probably exacerbated the worst parts of his personality long before taking over completely.

But I think he sure does notice NOW that the thrall no longer has him. Whether or not he does anything about this is up in the air, however. It is entirely possible he falls fully into neglect and does nothing to stop anything.

Red Son knows, very deep down, that his father is neglectful and his mother is abusive. He knows. He just won’t admit that not even demons are like this to their children. Won’t admit that he doesn’t deserve it, that he never deserved it. Because he loved his mother deeply before he left. He loved her when she convinced him he did. And he still loves her, and his father. He’s stubborn. He doesn’t want to give up on that.

It is going to take a LOT for someone to show him that he deserves better. But having his father back has not been everything he had hoped it would be and now... now it may be possible for someone to reach him. At least convince him that SOMETHING needs to change.

#I am warning you now #if you read tags before clicking read more #there is a lot of depressing shit and angst in here #monkie kid #lego monkie kid #red son #demon bull king #dbk #princess iron fan #pif #white bone spirit #wbs #headcanons #seriously #everything from 10 down is heavy #DBK and PIF are bad parents #that is going to be a recurring tag on this blog #get this family into therapy they need it #I'm going to be transparent here in the tags #i don't write this kind of stuff without either a lot of time and research #or personal experience #in this case it is both #I am basing how red son feels on how I used to feel in my own family relationship #I actually use my personal experiences #good and bad #for a lot of my writing #so I know exactly how messed up this dynamic is and that he needs outside help #i also know that if he does get outside help? He'll be ok #I promise he at least ends up ok in rainy talks #queued

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leahseclipse · 4 years

Text

May the show begin (Part 2)

May the show begin masterlist | Masterlist

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Angst

Warnings: Kidnapping, general criminal minds stuff, angst, cursing, blood, mentions of death.

Summary: While working on a case, y/n gets targeted by the unsub that kidnaps her.

A/N: Hello! Here's the 2nd part! Thank you to everyone who liked the first part, it means a lot to me!! I hope you'll like this one- I really do my best at every fic, I hope it's not too bad- lmk if you liked it- have a good time reading. - Lex

Don't hesitate to send requests, I'll be more than happy to write them!

Word count: 5.5 k

_______

"Y/N."

I woke up with a start after hearing a voice calling my name.

I looked around, but no one was there. I almost thought it was Spencer calling me for a second.

I immediately felt panic invade my whole mind as I realized the situation I was in.

The room was dark, which didn't reassure me at all, because I hated being in the dark, and in this situation, I wasn't even somewhere safe.

I'm scared.

I want to get out of here.

What is going to happen ?

I knew that the following hours, or even days would be the worst days I'd ever have, and I didn't even know if I would get out of here alive.

I couldn't be sure of that.

It didn't really take long until I realised that I've also been drugged. I was struggling to stay awake, and my sight was blurry for a while.

I even tried to move for a bit, but quickly noticed the ropes restraining me.

As I tried to dig into my memories, trying to even remember anything from yesterday, the only thoughts that came were the faint sounds of a car, and then...screams.

My screams.

The next thing I did after almost regaining full consciousness was to look at my own body; I had felt a soft fabric against my skin, but still couldn't guess whether it was my clothes or not.

Then, as I lowered my head,

I realized.

Someone had put a dress on me.

I knew that I had this on for a specific reason, but I still couldn't remember why.

I did my best not to crack under the pressure, because the more I'd look around, the more I'd feel like crying out of panic. My head was full of panicked thoughts, I prayed for it to stop, but I knew well that I couldn't. Not until I'd get out of here.

If...hold on.

I remembered something.

The dress.

It's what was on the women that are now...dead.

Right now, what I only wished for was for someone to find me as quickly as possible. I couldn't remain calm, knowing that I could eventually die here.

This wasn't planned at all, I never thought this would happen one day, I did everything to protect myself, be careful outside, and some guy, or girl, managed to get into my apartment to kidnap me.

And right now, being the nervous and dramatic wreck I am, I could only think of the worst things that could happen. And...that are about eighty percent accurate to happen, I'd say.

This really can't...I'm not done saying all of the words I need to say to Spencer, I need more time with him, my life can't end now, it can't end here.

We're even supposed to get married. We're too busy with work that we haven't planned anything yet.

I can't leave him behind like that.

I can't.

My thoughts were interrupted by a sound, causing me to come back to reality.

I suddenly heard the door opening, followed by footsteps; these becoming louder as the person approached.

"Hello there." He said, as I froze out of fear, his voice sending chills down my spine.

"I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. I wished I could have processed this meeting in another way. But apparently, you were quite busy with your job. It was quite difficult to catch up with your schedule. So, I had to pay you an unexpected visit. It's nice to see you again y/n." He added, as he walked in front of me. I looked at him while he talked, but his face was masked, I couldn't see anything.

It's nice to see you again'? Do I...know him?

I still couldn't put a name on the voice, but I knew I did hear it somewhere. But the problem is that I didn't know. It could be an old friend, a colleague, a neighbor, but unless he'd say his name, I wouldn't know.

"You can talk, you know, I didn't say you weren't allowed." He let out a laugh, his hand touching my face, while he traced my jawline with the tip of his fingers.

"I...why am I wearing a dress," I finally let out, with a shaky voice. "And how do you know me…?" What I just asked was probably stupid when I thought about it after, but I was too terrified to think of anything else. These were the only words I managed to let out. I guess it's better than the curses. Maybe.

"Oh, the dress. I made it just for you. It's just a bit loose, sorry. I couldn't get your measurements from far, when I was watching, so...I did my best. I hope that you like it. I didn't want you to keep what you were wearing, it wasn't very pretty." He paused, probably thinking about the other question.

"And, how do I know you…? Well, it's not my job to tell you, you're a big girl, so I think you can remember it by yourself. It'll come, soon enough. It's not difficult, you used to see it all the time, a long time ago, and kinda...recently." He said, as he put his hand on my hair, taking a strand between his fingers.

This really has to be a joke. What am I supposed to do, guess your name until I get the right one?

"You really are...amazingly pretty. If I kill you, I can't keep you forever. That'd be a shame, really. I can keep you for a while, if you behave nicely. So, be an angel and don't make me angry, okay?"

"Be a angel"...how am I even supposed to react to that?

"...keep me forever, why?"

"You see," He said, as he kneeled in front of me. "I couldn't keep watching you, you exactly look like my daughter would have looked like if she lived another ten years. But, some bastard killed her, and now, all I have left...is you. I can feel her presence through you, I know she's here. That's why I want to keep you for a while. You'll love me, soon enough. It'll be like the old days. I just, really am obsessed with you. It'll probably hurt your poor boyfriend, but I'm sure he won't mind if I take you from him. He won't."

He totally lost his mind. I don't think he's thinking sanely right now. If I take his words, his mind totally blew up when he saw me…like to the point he'd do things, without getting scared of consequences, he hadn't realised at all the risks he took, and I don't think he does right now.

I could feel the rage burning sensation in my body growing larger every second I'd look at him. He should consider himself lucky that the rope is too tight for me to move. Otherwise, he'd have no face anymore.

I couldn't help but wonder why he would do that. Both my father and sister died when I was only 10, but I didn't go and stole someone else's father and daughter to replace mine. It took a long time, because I had to accept the death of someone twice, suffer even more, alone, in my room for months, but I coped with it and moved on a few months after, taking control over my life once again after the event I've been through.

I know they would have wanted me to do that. They both hated it whenever I was sad.

"Why do...you just take girls from their families, to just end up killing them a few days after? Is making people suffer okay?"

"Look, if I do that, this way sweetie...the police will finally understand my anger. It's been two years, and they still haven't found the guy who killed her. I even wonder if they haven't forgotten about it, or given up. And after, they proudly appear in newspapers while a killer is still on the loose. Wow, look how great police is."

Is this how people are supposed to cope with the death of someone? Making other people suffer isn't the right way when you have to deal with a loss.

"Killing people won't resolve things, it's sad for you, but sadly, it won't bring her back. I won't."

"We'll see that; if your smart-ish friends manage to find you. Unless they don't, you'll get to travel with me. Exciting isn't it? I know, right? You'll like it. I can feel it. You'll become my pretty little doll. Till you break. I hope it'll last long. We've only been together for half a day. We have plenty of time to get to know each other once again. It's been a long time since our last meeting so I'm sure we both have a lot of things to say. A lot.

"You're fucking crazy."

"If you say so. But soon, you'll like- no, you'll adore me."

"Never." I exclaimed, glancing at him, my eyes filled with all the rage I felt for him in this moment. He'd be stupid if he didn't see that.

"You won't say that in a few days. I think you'll even beg-" He said, cutting off mid sentence, before I spat at his face.

I knew the consequences of it, but I didn't regret it. Now, he'd know that I'm not his toy, and that I'll certainly not beg him for anything.

He stepped back, chuckling, before hitting me in the face with his fist. Soon enough, a few drops of blood flowed from my nose, falling on the dress, as the tissue slightly absorbed it.

I didn't know if it was the punch or the effects of the drugs that I had just felt, but I suddenly felt tired as he hit me, bringing me back to the state I was in when I woke up.

"You bitch...who do you think you are to do that? TELL ME." He yelled, his voice filled with anger. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew it probably was red from all of the anger he's been accumulating.

The veins on his hands contracted, surely meaning he was restraining himself from hitting me again, or even...strangling me.

"I'm...not a toy...for you to play with. It's sad that she died...but I already said I won't replace her."

"I NEVER ALLOWED YOU TO TALK, SHUT UP!" He paused, taking a large breath of air, as he pointed at me with his index. "You'll do...whatever I'll tell you. If you care enough about the ones around you. That'd be a shame for them to die because of their...stubborn friend." He added, glancing at me as he left the room, aggressively closing the door.

I couldn't stop shaking the whole time he was in. I'd never imagined that this would ever happen to be one day. It happened to Spencer, and I was devastated the whole time. Watching him on the livestream, I couldn't stand it for more than a few minutes.

And now that I'm in the same situation, he's the one that is suffering. None of us know if I'll get out of here alive. That's the worst.

Until they'd find anything about him, both of us had to stay there, wondering if the other was doing okay, and in Spencer's case, wondering if I would make it.

I really prayed for that. I need to see his smile again, run my hand through his hair, cuddle in bed with him, all of the things I love to do with him, that I love him for.

No sound was coming from outside, either the walls of the room were isolated in order to not let any sound in, or the house was in the middle of nowhere.

The only thing I could do while being tied up was to look around; of the two windows, the only one that would allow the light to go in was closed by the blinds, only allowing a short film of light into the dark place. The left one was being blocked by the shelf in front of it, so not any light came out of it.

Even if I would try to escape, how could I even do that? I was tied up to the chair by the rope, almost suffocating me; my hands were both restrained to the back of the chair, each hand on one side of it, so whenever I'd try to move them up, the head of the chair would block my hands.

I then looked more around, a lot of costumes were displayed in the room. Some were complete, some half done or in bad shape; he also had sewing kits, measurement tapes, a lot of stuff to sew, in general.

There were some boxes in the corner, some papers, and...a pair of legs coming out of behind the boxes. Someone was lying there.

A stream of blood was dripping from her tight, while the puddle of blood underneath her limp body slowly became wider.

Her skin was pale as snow, and I quickly came to the realisation that she was either dying or...already dead.

Tears soon began flowing down my cheeks, a quiet sob escaping my lips. I couldn't do anything to help her, the only thing I could do was to watch her die, if she was still alive.

And now...he's really going to do the same to me…? No. It can't happen...it can't.

The thought of myself soon being in the same situation as them even went through my mind for a second, terrifying me. I wasn't sure of it, but it still could be one of the scenarios that could happen.

Who could even know if he didn't kill other girls? From what we all know, two have been found, and plus the one I just saw, three, or more, I couldn't confirm that; they'd had to search the house, or he'd have to say it to me in one of his possible attempts to threaten me, otherwise, I didn't know if there was more, I seriously hoped that he hasn't killed other girls.

But, from what I've seen from the way he was acting, he felt...pressured, in a way. I think that when I...got angry, which resulted in him realising that I wasn't going to be the perfect doll he expected me to be, something might have changed in his plans, he imagined that he'd keep me much longer, thinking that I'd be obedient, calm.

He had his reasons to think like that, I think. It's not really in my habits to flip people off, I'm usually nice in general. Even with weird guys that try to flirt with me for example. I always try to be as nice as possible when trying to tell them I'm not interested. Some aren't really mean in general, they just need a talk to understand.

I had this one teacher in college, back then, I was taking theater classes, thought it might be fun to do that for my last year. It didn't cost anything, and I had nothing to lose if I tried it. It really was fun, I got to make some new friends, discover new plays, and the teacher was really nice with us. He was like a second dad. You could talk of anything to him, he wasn't the type of guy to judge you, he was quite understanding in general. He wouldn't force you to talk unless you wanted to, and wasn't the type to slide in personal conversations. He was pretty friendly, you couldn't really talk bad to him, he was always nice.

What was his name…? I think his family name was something like...Miller?

Even if it really was that, hundreds of people wear that name, so I'm not even close to finding it; and I was not really in the mood to play guessing games.

I'm currently being kidnapped, so...it's logical.

The door abruptly opened once again, as he turned the light on, a sudden burst of light brightening the room, causing myself to startle out of my thoughts.

My eyes involuntarily closed, whilst my vision got blurry for a bit, focusing back when it adjusted itself to the light.

His shadow appeared on the floor as he headed towards me; I could even see my own shadow, not having noticed that I was shaking so much until I actually saw it right in front of me.

"Let's have another chat, shall we?" He took a chair, sitting in front of me while taking the mask off his face. "Remember me now?"

________

SPENCER'S POV

10 hours since the disappearance of y/n

I pushed the glass doors of the 6th floor's office, walking through the hallway, as I made my way to the conference room.

A few minutes ago, I had reached the point where I just couldn't think anymore, I just had to get some air before getting aggressive with the others out of frustration.

Even if I knew that it would be all of the anger I've accumulated talking, and not the usual Spencer they know, I preferred not to go outside with anyone.

I was too distracted over the fact if we would ever find her alive again. If it's the guy that killed the two women, it'll only be a matter of time before he kills her.

When I stepped into the room, I sat by the seat next to Morgan, putting my elbows on the table while my hands rested under my chin.

Papers were scattered all over the table, as everyone's voices raised, arguing on the proofs they had, trying to understand who could be behind that. We only knew what the guy was doing, but had no clue of who it was.

We barely had anything. The only thing we had in stock was that the guy was between 40-50, and that he probably was a theater teacher, but again, it wasn't sure.

The thing was that we didn't even know if this guy was from here or not. He could be a guy that used to live here, and moved somewhere else.

Some argued on the fact that he always lived here, some on the fact that he just drove here so many times that he ended up knowing the city, or some that someone else who actually knew the area drove with him.

We weren't really close to finding any constructive proofs.

As for me, I wasn't close to finding any mental stability yet. My whole mind was a storm, a storm that I don't think anyone in the room would be able to stop.

What if she was already dead?

Although I wished more than anything that she would be okay right now, I couldn't get this thought out of my mind since we knew she was missing.

Her face appeared in my mind, her wonderful smile with it. She would radiate so much joy, that it would always be enough to cheer the team up for a bit whenever we'd work on a complicated case.

She would always care about others before herself.

Even if we would never ask for it, she would suddenly burst out of the office, and come back a few minutes later with coffee, or even take a few files behind our backs so that we could go home early. She'd take a lot from Matt, JJ and Hotch; but while they'd go home early, she would go home late.

We would even find her the next morning in the conference room, along with the finished files next to her. We weren't that evil, so we would let her sleep a bit more.

She'd eventually wake up with a start, claiming that she just closed her eyes and didn't actually fall asleep.

I always liked it when she tried to cover the fact that she didn't fall asleep, it really was fun.

But, I don't regret once meeting her, I've been in love with her since her first day at the BAU.

She got in about two years after I came in and when I saw her I just...immediately fell in love. Back then, I had shorter hair, and wasn't as sociable as I am today. A lot has changed about my behaviour and personality since. And...I think most of that is thanks to her. She made me a better person.

15 YEARS AGO, OCTOBER 2005

The previous day, we've all been notified of the arrival of a new member, coming from New Jersey, but Hotch didn't say anything else, probably to keep the element of surprise, and so that they could introduce themselves to us properly.

We all were excited, a new member meant an additional person to join our family, a new co-worker, a new person to know, it really sounded fun.

The next day, on a Tuesday morning, at exactly 7:40, she entered the office along with Hotchner.

She was trying to keep up with Hotch as he was walking, he was much taller compared to her, so she had some trouble walking at his pace.

They both headed towards his office, probably to talk a bit, sign some papers, I remember doing that on my first day here.

A few minutes later, Hotch and her went out of the room, as she shaked his hand, exchanging a few words.

During the whole time, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I even waited for her to come out, staring at the door for at least twenty minutes.

The others even tried to call me, but after a few minutes, I think they noticed that the thing I was focused on wasn't the files,

It was her.

Finally, Morgan decided to come to my desk and move his hand in front of my face, as I blinked, looking at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

"Hotch called the team five minutes ago, you were apparently too focused on the new one so you haven't even heard him calling us. If you don't want to get lectured by Hotch, get up fast."

"I wasn't focused on her..." I mumbled, while getting up, walking towards the conference room with Morgan.

I entered the room, noticing her next to Hotch, as the others were quietly talking together.

She glanced at me, and gave me a sympathetic smile before walking in my direction.

"Hi, you must be...Spencer Reid, right? I'm y/n y/l/n, it's nice to meet you." She said, reaching out to me.

It took me a few minutes to get out of my bubble, before I came back to reality, looking at her. "Oh, yeah, that's me. It's nice meeting you too." I said, giving her a handshake.

"Everyone, I think you've all met her now, but let's welcome the new member of our team. She'll be working with us from now on. We all look forward to working with you, agent y/l/n." Hotch said, as everyone clapped once he was done talking, welcoming words following.

And, of course, the following days Garcia kidnapped her a few times in her 'batcave', for getting to know her more, y/n was probably polite, and liked her too much to refuse her invitation, so she would always come, asking Hotch if anything was planned. Penelope wasn't that evil to the point of letting Hotch lecture her.

I enjoyed every moment in her presence. The little time we'd have with each other was more than enough for me. But at the time, I wasn't courageous enough to confess my feelings to her. So, we just were two close friends.

Nothing more.

We really grew closer the following months, we would get coffee for the other one, eat on breaks when we had time, exchange files, but my most favourite things were to see her arriving in the morning, and walk her home at night.

She would always have this beautiful smile on her face whenever she'd greet everyone on her way in. Eventually, I stopped staring at her like an idiot when I'd see her, and talked instead.

She seemed to like my random facts a lot, so before she would arrive, I would write a fact on a piece of paper, and drop it on her desk. She liked that small attention of mine, and kinda began doing the same with cheerful words she'd write on paper or randomly say to me throughout the day.

Slowly, it became a habit.

Our habit.

I liked saying that. It almost sounded like...we were together.

We weren't until, one day.

I suddenly came to her desk, and asked her out. It was now or never. Because if I hadn't done it back then, I don't know if I would have done it later.

Surprisingly, her first reaction was to cry. I got scared, thinking that she was about to announce that she already had a boyfriend or something else, but instead, she got up, and wrapped her arms around my neck, bringing me in a tight hug. I returned the hug, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"You took a lot of time to ask, I thought you'd never do it." She mumbled, loud enough for me to hear.

Soon enough, the team quietly gathered around, smiles on their faces. They wouldn't see that everyday, so might as well enjoy this moment.

When y/n broke our embrace, her eyes were still watery and a bit puffy because of the crying.

Before y/n even got to, I brought my fingers to her small face, wiping the tears from her eyes, which she immediately responded to with a smile.

Her smile.

That's the reason why I fell in love with her, and recently, asked her to marry me.

"Hey, Reid. Reid. You there?" A familiar voice said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I then realized it was Morgan a few seconds after.

"Yeah, sorry. Overthinking. I just got stuck in my thoughts for a minute." I said, trying to keep up with what was said previously by listening to Morgan's short resume.

"He kept the first one four days, and the second two days." Emily said, tapping her pen on the table. "Which gives and doesn't give us a correct estimation. But, from that, we could possibly conclude that he would approximately keep her…"

"Three or four days." I interrupted, while running my hand through my hair, in an exhausted way.

Everyone was exhausted at this point, we didn't even know if we would get the guy once, but mostly, we didn't know if we would be able to find her in time before he decides he wants to kill her.

We would have this crushing weight on us if we wouldn't manage to save her. We'd not lose an agent, but a member of our family.

And I don't think we'll get up from that.

Derek, Luke and Matt always act like she's their little sister, they like to tease her, take things from her desk and wait for her to notice it, bring her the wrong order before saying that it only was a joke, they really like her.

Emily, JJ, Garcia, and Tara immediately became best friends with her, they really liked going out with her at night, or even hanging out with her in general. She wasn't a big fan of girl nights, but she'd come anyway, it distracted her from all of the stress she had throughout the week because of work.

Which I understood, because even I like to throw myself on the couch and watch as many Doctor Who episodes as possible till I end up falling asleep. I do that, or just sleep.

When you work there, get as much sleep as you can because you never know if you'll get called for a case, and when you'll get sleep when you'll start working.

And lastly, Hotch and Rossi are like the fathers she never had. Rossi often invited her to teach her how to cook, chat with her, watch tv, he really is considering her like she's his real daughter.

Hotch always protected her, he likes to sit down with y/n to talk whenever she feels down, needs help with files, and she really looks up to him. He still lectures her sometimes, but he doesn't mean any harm.

They both are like her fathers, the fathers that I'm sure she would have wished for.

So, losing her would be the worst thing to ever happen to us right now.

From now on, every single second would be crucial. I could not permit myself to get distracted; it was a matter of life or death from now on.

Even if I had to go to the guy's place myself, I'd do it.

I would risk my life for hers.

I would do everything for her.

She's my everything.

Her life always mattered more than mine. She'd always say to me that I should stop saying that, but I meant it, it was absolutely true. I would have never lied to her about that, or anything else.

She always supported me in all of the imaginable ways. She never left my side once. Even when I'd beg to stay alone, she would come anyway. She always came.

Y/N always felt bad when she couldn't come to a date we've had planned, by making sure to bake something for me the next day. I never got mad, if she couldn't come, it was totally alright.

Everyone would sometimes get sick, or too busy with files. But no matter what I'd say to her so that she'd know that it was okay, I would continually find something she baked for me on my desk.

Losing her was my worst nightmare.

A nightmare that could become reality if we didn't find her in time.

"I'm sure we'll find her. You'll marry your girl, don't worry." Morgan said, a slight smile on his face. He probably was trying his best at being positive.

"I know you're supposed to think positively in these cases, but I just can't. If it's that guy, who knows if he's not going to kill her off, who knows if she's not already dead, I don't know what to think of anymore." I said, tears forming in the corner of my eyes.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. We'll do everything to find her. I promise, okay? Now calm down, you have to be strong for her."

"Yeah, I know, I know. We'll find her."

The rest of the day consisted of piles of papers, some short naps, coffee, emotional breakdowns, everyone was overwhelmed by the situation.

I never had to deal with it before, so I didn't know what to do, how to manage all my emotions, I was completely lost.

Just a month ago, I proposed to her, and now we're supposed to get married. I don't even know when.

It's not easy to plan something without it risking to be cancelled at the last minute because of a case. You can even get called at 2AM.

These last weeks, we actually planned to organise the wedding, but just when we had free time to do it; two cases appeared. I'm even wondering if we'll ever have time to do the actual wedding at this point.

We were supposed to discuss it this weekend. Garcia even wanted to help us, she adores weddings. It's the first one she'll get to organise. She was so excited when I asked for her help.

And now, all of our joy and excitement from the last days shattered in pieces when we heard of what had happened.

We all were devastated.

________

A few minutes earlier, Garcia had returned to her office, probably wanting some alone time. I knew she didn't really like to show her emotions in front of everyone, she finds it embarrassing.

Everyone was pretty much doing the same, trying to stay strong even through I know we all were on the verge of tears.

I was about to walk out of the room to talk to Morgan who had come back to his desk, when my phone loudly vibrated. I quickly noticed that it was a call, whilst I answered, placing the phone to my ear.

"Spencer, you need to come, now." Garcia said, with a panicked tone, hanging up before I even got to place a word.

Apparently, she had sent the message to everyone; some of the team members were already there.

I headed into the room, as all my hopes shattered at the sight of what I've just seen on Garcia's monitors.

I swore I almost heard her voice for a moment.

I wished for it to be true.

At that moment, I felt like everything around me was collapsing.

Hotch was the last to come in, closing the door after entering, as he headed to where I was, his hand now resting on my shoulder.

We're almost there y/n. Almost there.

__________

Taglist: @amanda-rotigliano , @thatsonezesty13 , @eevee0722 ,

A/N (2): I hope you liked the chapter! I'm sorry it took so long,, I had a lot of struggle writing it haha- See you soon for the next and probably last chapter. The post that will close this story after the 3rd chapter will be the Epilogue.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler fic #spencer reid fic #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #criminal minds fic

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refinedbuffoonery · 3 years

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@improvidus thanks for the tag boo <3

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 14

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 106,078

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? I’ve only finished + published MacGyver fics, but I have a whole folder of other unfinished stuff, primarily for Sarah J Maas’ three book series (Throne of Glass, ACOTAR, Crescent City).

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Riley + Sunglasses + Undercover (aka my claim to fame lol)

Quarantine Moments

Looking Through A Window

I + Can’t + Lose + You

Fridge Meeting

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Out of my published ones...R+S+U (unbelievable that I didn’t get cancelled for ending it the way I did lmao). But in a million years when I finally finish it, Broken Like Me won’t exactly have a happy ending (it’ll be bittersweet at best...I know because I wrote the ending first).

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? I+C+L+U has a good ending, so do all of the holiday fics I wrote last year. But I think the most satisfying happy ending will be the ending to Flawless (I already wrote this ending too).

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? I don’t do crossovers! Honestly I don’t read them either. I think they’re off-putting and usually fairly OOC, but if the characters all exist in the same universe (or it’s just written really damn well) then a crossover is more palatable for me.

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Hell fucking yeah I do. The emotionally charged, very plot-relevant, little-to-no cringey vocabulary kind. But not much for this fandom because the audience for it is very small. But for the fantasy romance book fandoms I (mostly) lurk in??? Definitely.

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I always try to! Except sometimes y’all make predictions that are a little too accurate and I have to avoid responding to those comments so I don’t accidentally spoil something (yikes).

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Nope (thank god). Which is a good thing, because I’m not actually as nice as y’all think I am, and I’d throw (virtual) hands.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of! On the flip side, I’ve definitely accidentally stolen lines/phrases from people. Every once in a while I’ll reread a fic and go “THAT’S WHERE I GOT THAT FROM!!!!! whoops.”

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Does asking people to translate like 3 lines of dialogue for Flawless into French count lol? (real answer: no)

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Listen. I swear to you that this pirate AU exists. We have a whole chapter written. I have a good 50% or so of the plot outlined in my head and in our shared google doc. However none of us have worked on it in months so......

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? Not to out myself as the kid who was obsessed with Percy Jackson but....PERCABETH. They really invented love. Second place is Rowaelin (from the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Maas), and third place is MacRiley (no shade to my Team Spy Siblings friends though....tbh if the show hadn’t set them up romantically I never would’ve even considered it).

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? That aliens fic I’ve teased for a solid year. The goal was to see if I could write an episode of the show (which I totally think I could), but I just don’t have a plot for this one. Only the resolution and some comic relief. But the basic premise is that Mac, Riley, and maybe Bozer (aka our resident nerds) get sent to examine a UFO that crash-landed in the middle of fucking nowhere, which of course sends everyone down the rabbit hole of alien theories, but the UFO ends up being something.....significantly less cool. If any of you gen writers want in on this, hit me up and we can co-write it.

16) What are your writing strengths? DIALOGUE. FORESHADOWING. also filling in the nuances of a plot once I have the bare bones in place.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Brainstorming said bare bones of a plot lmao. And describing settings is the bane of my existence.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Super dope as long as a) the reader can understand what’s happening via context clues or brief translation in the main language (presumably English) b) it’s used to develop the plot/character(s) in some way, i.e. a spy’s helpful skill or part of someone’s cultural background.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? MacGyver is the first (and only) fandom I’ve finished and published fics for. Everything else (many of which I started pre-Mac) isn’t developed enough to necessarily count.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? FLAWLESS. But I will say that I’m far more attached to LTAW than I ever could’ve expected going into it. So.....both?

Tagging: goddammit idk I wasn’t paying attention to who already got tagged. so if you’re reading this and you write fic consider yourself tagged. <3

#tag game

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imagine-loki · 4 years

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You Have Heart

TITLE: You Have Heart CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 1/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine finding out that your soulmate is Loki and your very first kiss is interrupted by Thor shouting “Yeeessss”

RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: This is a rewrite of the original work of the same name. Also on AO3 here

You have heart

You looked at the black words that appeared to be tattooed on your arm. Everyone had such marks. They were the first words you would hear from your soulmate. Some people’s were written in childish scrawls, those people met their soulmate when they were children. Some were written in adult writing. As was yours. The words on your arm were written in an elegant masculine hand, looking almost like calligraphy.

You still hadn’t met your soulmate yet. The words were still dark and black on your skin. Most of your friends had found theirs by now, but not you.

You also had long ago noted the strange words. Soulmate tattoos tended to fall into two categories. The first were standard greetings, though you usually saw those on the older generations. Then people started figuring out that they could more easily identify their soulmate if they greeted every stranger with a weird phrase before they began the proper greeting. So those became the second category of tattoos.

It wasn’t surprising to see people with things like movie quotes, random exclamations, things about purple unicorns, or ‘the sky is orange’, or “I wonder if fish get thirsty”. One poor girl had “I can’t believe Dumbledore died” on her arm and cried when she first read Harry Potter and already knew that Dumbledore was going to die even in the first book, years before the sixth one had been written.

You were pulled from your thoughts by your phone ringing. Who the fuck called anyone anymore? You grabbed your phone and looked at the display. At least it wasn’t your mom, who was one of the few people who actually called. You didn’t feel like talking to her today. Instead, it was your best friend. You pressed the green answer button and lifted the phone to your ear. “Hey Soph,” you greeted and started to pace your apartment. You never could just sit still while on the phone.

“We’re going to see the movie today, right? You promised!” Sophie replied. She was always like that, always starting conversations like she was already in the middle of it.

You hesitated and paced a couple more steps. “I… don’t know, Soph…” you hedged. “Isn’t seeing a movie about real people who are still living kinda weird?” You asked her. She’d been begging you for months to see the Avengers movie with her when it came out. She was obsessed with the team, as was pretty much everyone in the known world after the Battle of New York.

“They’re superheroes,” she reminded you. Again. “Besides, we were all there and the actors are hot. Please? You promised!” she begged. The movie had come out that day and you knew she was desperate to see it.

You sighed heavily into the phone. “Fine, but you owe me,” you told her.

“I’ll buy the tickets. And I’ll owe you a favor if the movie is bad,” she promised and you could hear the grin in her voice at winning. “I’ll text you the details,”

“You already bought the tickets, didn’t you?” You asked, rolling your eyes.

“Months ago!” She agreed and cheerfully hung up.

You couldn’t help laughing at your friend’s antics and went to find something to wear to go see a movie in. You chose jeans, and on a whim, one of your Avengers T-shirts. You had to admit to yourself that you were just as obsessed with the superheroes as the rest of the world.

Soph texted you the movie information while you were changing. You texted her back ‘You’re also buying me popcorn’

‘Fair’

At least she was being reasonable.

She hadn’t found her soulmate yet either, which was why the pair of you hung out so much together. People had a tendency to pair off with their soulmates, or other couples, once they found them. Which got to be more and more lonely for those of you without your soulmates as you got older. Dating… wasn’t really a thing after you experimented a little in high school and college. Most people waited until they found their soulmate, anything else seemed like either… a waste of time or practice.

You weren’t cruel enough to do either to another person.

You grabbed your purse and headed out to meet up with Soph. The theater was only a few subway stops from your apartment, but the weather was decent, so you decided to save the money and just walk it.

Plus, you would walk past the Avengers tower as you did. You couldn’t help feeling the allure of the place. You always felt drawn to it, though you didn’t know why. There was nothing for you there. The Avengers lived there when they were in town. Not much else was known about the place as it wasn’t open to the public. Still, you were drawn there. Drawn to the slim chance of seeing the jet coming or going, or Iron Man or Thor flying.

You kept your distance, though. The tower was no place for someone like you. You had no powers, no abilities. You were just… a normal girl.

You glanced at the tower as you passed by that day too and saw nothing going on. Though there was a fairly fresh Bifrost circle in the grass outside the tower. Thor was back, it seemed. You shook your head and kept walking so you wouldn’t be late meeting up with Soph.

When you arrived at the theater, you saw the huge crowd waiting for the movie and looked around for Soph. She was at the concessions stand getting your popcorn and drinks. You made your way through the crowd to get to her. “This place is packed,” you greeted her and took the drinks from her, letting her carry the giant popcorn you would share through the movie.

“It’s opening weekend,” she replied easily. “Glad I got our tickets early. C’mon,” she said brightly and led you to the theater and your seats. They were great seats.

“Did you preorder these or something?” You asked when you were settled.

She nodded “Yeah, the second tickets went on sale. I wanted to make sure we could see it opening night,” she replied with a grin. “I know you’re just as obsessed with the team as I am,”

“You know me too well,” you grumbled with a blush.

She laughed “I’ve only know you since the first grade,” she teased you. You laughed and shoved her playfully as the theater was quickly filling up around you.

You settled into your seat and started munching on popcorn while you watched the previews. You still weren’t sure what to think about the actual movie, and hoped it did the battle justice. You’d heard that Thor and the team were heavily involved in making sure the events depicted were accurate. You were about to find out.

The movie started and you watched with interest at the opening. This part of the story you didn’t know. The explanation of the Tesseract, then the events in the SHIELD base where they were studying it. The portal opened and Loki appeared on the screen.

You had to admit to yourself that the actor playing him was as hot as Soph had promised. That was a good sign.

Then he spoke. His accent was beautiful, almost British, but with a deeper, more regal tone to it.

But that wasn’t what made your heart stop.

Or what drew your gasp.

The character’s, no not character, it was Loki, Loki was a real person. And his first words in the movie were to Agent Barton while he held him in place. “You have heart,”

The same words that were on your arm.

The same words that now glowed with the soulmate bond being activated. They flashed with power, then the glow faded. Suddenly, the words were no longer black, but looked like they were now tattooed in emerald ink with gold speckled into it.

You have heart

Your soulmate was Loki? Maybe it was just the actor?

But no, you knew in your very being what that glow, what the colors and the words, what all of it meant.

Your soulmate was Loki, prince and god of Asgard.

Oh gods.

What was going to happen to you now?

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #submission #you have heart #chapter 1 #nekoamamori

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cu-sidhe13 · 3 years

Text

Hey guys, so as I said on my last post I'm really behind on 9-1-1 Lone Star because aI've been so busy with work and moving house. I've just posted my thoughts on 2x10 so if you'd like, you can go read that first. I'e only just watched 2x11, and unfortunatly I have to say I have some mixed feelings about this episode, but this still has to be one of my favourites. If you are like me and your are behind on the show, this will contain !!!spoilers!!!

My thoughts on this episode:

-I'm glad Owen actually decided to go through with the surgery, I really wouldn't have been surprised if something happened to stop it, like Owen changing his mind again.

-Owen, seriously it's 3-4 weeks, just take your time and rest. This obsession with work will get you killed or in serious trouble *foreshadowing*

-Carlos and TK are now a couple who give joint gifts and I love that. And that was a very nice box for a jigsaw, It seems like something Carlos would pick out more that TK. But it was an adorable jigsaw.

-So much for resting Owen, for the love of god. But that was a very nice montage. Love how they're showing how bored he is by taping up thing to the point of unnecessary. But there was a suspicious lack of my favourite bernese mountain dog.

-As soon as I saw Billy, I knew everything was going to go downhill. I was right.

-I can understand Owen running into the burning building, he is a firefighter after all, it's his instincts. But Owen sweetie, Judd is acting captain, let him be acting captain.

-Owen speaking to the arson investigator and giving a profile that describes himself was just a facepalm moment.

-Loved the truck rescue with the young couple, but I was so heartbroken for Marjan.

-GROUP NIGHT AT CARLOS AND TK'S PLACE!!!! YES!!

-Oh my god. The Tarlos cow eyes scene absolutly killed me, I had to rewind it like 5 times to rewatch it. Carlos turning from confused to smug and sexy in 2 seconds and TK blushing and being unable to look at him in the eyes was heart stopping.

-"Absolutly wrecks people" Yeah we know who those eyes wreck TK. But seriously I have never seen a more accurate description of Carlos' eyes that this. And this show that TK thinks about Carlos' eyes so much he's given his looks names.

-I'm so glad to see Nancy at the gathering this time, even if we didn't get to see much of her,

-loved that they used Tarlos in the actual episode. And Tarlos being a great team and wrecking everyone at Catan was incredible.

-I felt so sorry for Marjan, that she did eveything she could to save the womans husband and she goes and posts that video. Then for Marjan to get so much hate to the point she starts to doubt herself. My poor queen.

-I absolutly adored seeing Paul and Marjan together and Paul being agood friend for her. Its great to see the other characters get more screen time.

-OWEN!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN!!??! This guy really thought, 'I know the best way to prove there is an arsonist going around, I'm going to buy lots of different accelerants and wiring and preform experiments in my back garden in full view of my neighbours. This won't at all look suspicious' The man has really lost the plot.

-When Owen started showing Billy what he's been doing, I started to get a really bad feeling. We all know Billy is the one who shows the arson investigator the photo of Owen at a scene of a fire, and now I don't know whether Billy is the one setting the fires or he genuinely believes its Owen after seeing his experiments. I hope it's the latter as I feel the former is just lazy writing.

-Carlos and TK having dinner with Carlos' parents is something I've been waiting for, for ages.

-Marjan and Paul visiting the widow and Marjan's speach was incredible, it showed so much emotion and really got me tearing up. Then finding her in her bath tub made me tear up more. I like that Marjan also made sure the paramedics and police wouldn't post anything about her attempt on her life.

-I really loved the different interactions Carlos has with his parents, like his mother he seems much more open with, hugging her and fully smiling at her. But with his father, you can tell he's much more nervous with him, not fully hugging him amd giving him more nervous and wary smiles. After all this is someone who has been questioning his choices and putting him down for years,

-Andrea calling TK handsome was great. And I like her appologising for calling him TJ at the market. I loved that 'had a talk about that' between Carlos and TK for him not correcting his mother and the fact that it can be joked about between them. Andrea and Gabriel's look towards them though was adorable and just showed that the approved of TK.

-Carlos' panic at forgetting the limes was adorable, and I was not prepared for his wink towards TK after he called his dad to pick up the limes.

-I've said it before and I'll say it again. OWEN!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN!!!! Way to make youself look more guilty. Breaking and entering, tampering with a crime scene, and trespassing, is a surfire way to get yourself arrested or hurt. And look you achived both. I swear this man has no brain cells left.

-Of course the man gets knocked out. Now he's gonna miss the dinner. I also really hope we continue the dinner scene in 2x12 otherwise this will be another Tarlos moment we've missed.

All in all, I greatly enjoyed this episode except for a few Owen Strand bumps. And I am counting down the days until I can see 2x12.

#tarlos #9 1 1 ls #9 1 1 lone star

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pluviophile-bookworm · 3 years

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HSMTMTS 2x12: Don't say we'll have to let it go...

After a very stressful morning and several moments in which I was close to a full sanity slip completely unrelated to this, it is high time (heck, it's the highest of times, if you know what I mean) I got to the new HSMTMTS, the last one for a while.

I'm honestly scared, though. This morning I thought nothing could make me more nervous today than the whole ordeal I had to go through, but now that I'm here, I'm super scared and anxious. I don't even want to say it, but... what if this is... you know what I'm thinking. We're all thinking it. I just hope we're wrong in a good way.

I feel like I might die of anxiety, so I guess I'll just dive in. Whatever will be, will be.

Supportive Nini is best Nini. Honestly, I haven't liked her all season as much as I do now. The background, behind-the-scenes role seems to fit her a lot better than the lead. I hope to see more of her like this when (fingers crossed!!!) the show comes back.

Ashlyn, on the other hand, is a perfect lead. She was born for this, and it shows. It shows so much that everybody has finally noticed it. They took their time, didn't they?

Ugh, I hate, hate, hate this kind of moment that happens every time when someone has prepared a surprise for someone else — and we saw that twice this season — once with Carlos at his Quinceañero, and now with Ashlyn. I mean the moment before they find out about the surprise and they feel like they've been forgotten and it's all so sad... at least I know whatever my boy Reddy has planned for his girl will make up for that sort of feeling. I can't wait!

Ahhhhh @redlyncentral you called it! You called it big time! I can't say I wasn't expecting it to be something like this, though, because I trust your sixth sense more than I trust mine — and I trust mine a lot. Also, if anyone deserves to have their name in lights, it's Ashlyn. And remember when she told Big Red that, to make things light up, he just had to walk into a room? Or when he told her that the only thing he'd throw at her was a brighter spotlight? You know, I think that, just like airports are Portwell's thing, lights are Redlyn's thing. And that is so beautiful... I am legitimately crying.

Yikes... see, it's one thing when Nini calls Ricky 'Richard'. But it's another thing entirely when Kourtney calls Howie 'Howard'. Gosh, I hope they clear things up. If Howie has something to say (as in, some secret to come clean about, if you catch my drift), he'd better do it now. I was never too invested in Kowie, but it still hurts to see tension between them.

Ok, but... these two are too dorky for words! I mean, you're telling me Howie was acting that way just because of how nervous Kourtney's talent made him? Oh well, I feel like I can understand that, actually. She's a powerhouse. But also, everyone around here needs to learn a lesson or two from Redlyn. About communication, reciprocity, expression of feelings... it's no accident that they're the parents of the drama club. But this is not about them. Oh, who am I kidding? With me, everything is about them. Unless it's about Seblos or Portwell. Never mind. Moving on.

I am trying very hard not to have a visible or audible reaction because my brother is in the room and I'm supposed to be working, but... EJ had his dad put in a good word for Mr Mazzara at Caltech. And that is something that makes me feel feelings I can't very easily put into words. Also, what does that mean for Mr M's future at East High?

As clear as the imprint of Jamie's words is to see on EJ's face, I feel like he's not giving up on Portwell quite yet. 'Play it by ear' sounded quite promising to me, all things considered.

Not Ricky and Nini writing the same thing in slightly different words... again! I absolutely get why people ship them, at least on the surface level I do, but I really can't see them as a couple anymore. That is not to say, however, that I'm not rooting for them on their way to figuring out how to be 'just' friends. (See, I'm not a big fan of the expression 'just friends', as if it's something less than a romantic relationship, so...) They could be the best friends ever. If, and only if they learn to communicate properly. All kinds of relationships require good communication. I feel like I'm saying that a lot, but, you know, if it's true...

I can't look at Miss Jenn the same way after last week's episode. The Menkies have turned her, quite frankly, into a monster. She's too obsessed with beating Zacky Roy to notice how she's treating her students who have always been nothing but devoted to her and the play. Well, some of them anyway... I feel like it's time for Carlos to reconsider his opinion of her... and I know it must be painful, and the least thing I'd ever wish for him is pain, but... sometimes certain painful things are necessary. I just hope everyone comes out of this alright. I think I might not, though. I've been crying for a while already.

No... why is Gina crying? My girl needs a hug... Oh, here comes Nini. This seems like it's been a long time coming.

This was beautiful... only one character played by an actress named Olivia will be redeemed today. And it's the right one, if I do say so myself.

Alright, who called it? Gina connecting Nini with her brother about her music, I mean. I know for a fact someone here called it. If you happen to be that genius and you read this, please come forward in the notes to get the credit you deserve. This is... a little too perfect to be true, but I feel like it's the best way to connect and wrap up several storylines with one blow. And I love when that happens. Gosh, why does this feel like a series finale? Please tell me I'm wrong. I am not ready. I will never be ready. Ok, maybe one day I will be, but not anytime soon. Please tell me my feeling is deceiving me this time.

Oh, good, it's being addressed. The 'jump off of something high' comment, I mean. It would have been wrong not to address it. I kind of really liked the way they did it, too. Also, 'getting there' really is the most accurate answer to the question whether Ricky is happy. I feel like he's got a long way to go before he does get there, but he really is closer to that destination than he's been in a while. This boy deserves all the happiness. He's been through way too much. And I'm glad Miss Jenn is finally seeing her part in his struggles throughout the year.

Ahhh it's the song! I've been so excited for it all week, ever since that teaser leaked. But, once again: why does this feel like a finale? I want to curb my anxiety and watch this episode with a free mind, but the episode itself just isn't helping me. Ok, let's go back to the song for now. Whatever will be, will be.

No... EJ's verse... just no. Somebody tell that boy not to be so hung up on the words of somebody who doesn't even know who Gina is today. I've had 'the majestic S.S. Portwell' for a couple of weeks and I'm not ready for it not setting sail after it was almost out of the... port(well). Have I ever told you I make bad puns when I'm anxious?

Carlos doesn't even remember being on stage... that's too relatable to be overlooked. See, I used to perform on stage (I've decided to quit for good now and it makes me cry only slightly), and that has always been how I've felt about it. I feel like my favourites are who they are because I relate to each one of them to an extent — some are who I think I am, some are who I used to be, and some are who I wish I could become... and so much more on top. I'm being so emotional. I'm not ready to let these kids go. Please someone tell me I won't have to, at least not quite yet.

The Wildcats' reaction to... Capital-B-witch and Fake-French-Git-who-is-apparently-French-for-real (as I've taken to calling those two because calling them by their real names would mean showing them respect which they don't deserve) was exactly the same as mine. No one invited them there. They're not supposed to be there. Someone kick them out.

'Big Red... you were... also there!' Um, excuse you, he was not just 'there'! I mean, I know we didn't get to see him on stage (we've been robbed!!!), but I'm sure he was the most amazing LeFou to ever grace a theatre stage. That being said, we have been robbed! But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I want to see what Big Red's reaction will be. I've been fantasising about this moment for weeks now.

Ok... so I said a couple of weeks ago, in my post on 2x10, that Ricky has been given a chance to prove what kind of friend he is right then and there... and, well, this wasn't exactly how I envisioned it, but it was nice. I think that's the word for it. Nice. Ricky is just too nice to do what I kept seeing in my fantasy. And Big Red is doubly too nice to do it. But I... I surprise myself sometimes with how aggressive I can get in defence of other people. Maybe it's better this way than my way.

Did that capital-B-witch just say what I thought I heard her say? Because there's no way she just said that. Also, 'sometimes people deserve a second chance'... well, yeah. And sometimes they don't, you... well, I don't use words like that, but you guys can put two and two together, right?

'I'd trade it all for this group right here tonight'... me too, Eej, me too. I'm not even going to pretend I'm not crying because, guess what, I'm bloody bawling my eyes out! I kind of stopped for a moment when you-know-who and her second-in-command came in, but now I'm crying again. I am so not ready to let these kids go.

So... they're dropping out? Just like that? Well, that was anticlimactic! But hey, I absolutely get it. That's the Wildcat spirit, after all, isn't it? They did win already. They won something that some of North High's students can never understand. And that's more important than just about anything. [side note: I've got to say I appreciate the fact that my boy Reddy is now able to joke about his opening night predicament. See, that's another thing I relate to. I go through the craziest stuff, and then I laugh and tell stories to anyone who will listen. And I think that's the best approach to that kind of stuff. I just wish I could be less dramatic about the little things, too. It seems to me it's easier to laugh about the big, serious stuff once it's over, but not about some things that most people would deem unworthy of their attention. But hey, I'm working on that. Also, this post is not supposed to be about me. Moving on.]

Bless Ashlyn and the fact that she's good at communication. Even if she's a little late. She's not too late yet. Portwell might still be saved.

No, Ricky, you so did not just call you-know-who! I will not stand for any of that. Unless it's to shut her off once and for all, in which case I say go for it and go full steam. But why do I get the feeling it's not going to be like that? Ok, never mind, let's set that one aside and focus on Portwell for a second.

Ok, that was... that was going to be so beautiful, and then they cut it off. Is Portwell about to be Redlyn 2.0? Oh well, if it really is, that isn't going to be so bad after all. But now all I can think about is... when are we getting the renewal? How am I supposed to sleep at night until we know for sure?

Not them making me cry with a BTS montage... as if I wasn't crying hard enough already. I'm not alone in the house, you guys! In fact, we're having a bunch of guests from overseas in... wait, I think they're at the door. I'm not ready for people! Not now. Pray for me, you guys! (In all seriousness, though, don’t pray for me. Pray for a season 3 announcement to come soon)

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ricky bowen #nini salazar-roberts #gina porter #ej caswell #ashlyn moon caswell #big red redonovich #carlos rodriguez #seb matthew-smith #kourtney greene #hsmtmts howie #hsmtmts miss jenn #hsmtmts mr mazzara

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