#see i would go and reread a few light novels but like i don't have time for that

[lotus-pear]

bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.

[originalaccountname]

This is a sensibilization post, not a callout post, so this is intentionally very vague.

A month ago, I made a bsd character analysis post.

Yesterday, I saw another bsd character analysis post on the same subject.

If you read them back to back, you would notice my arguments, structure, pacing and screenshots were reused a LOT. Entire sentences were barely rephrased, the same comments were left on the screenshots (which were directly copied from my own post), and even the title of the post was barely rephrased from my opening line. It's literally "copied your homework but changed it enough as to not raise suspicion" (I still noticed)

Which makes me really sad, because OP had interesting things to add! Sandwiched in the middle, things that were not from me are expanded upon, many of which I agree with! I would have loved reblogging their own arguments and observations!

But because they plagiarized my own analysis, I am both hurt and wary. If half of this analysis is plagiarized from me, who's to say the other half isn't plagiarized from someone else? I have no faith in any of their thoughts now, it's over.

I worked hard on that analysis! Reread some manga and light novel sections, structured my essay, edited it over a few days, found relevant and interesting manga panels and light novel sections to include! I had fun doing it!

So seeing my hard work half-chewed and spit back out going around without any mention of me is disheartening.

I don't know what kind of reach I can have like this, but this is a message to both the OP and everyone else: don't do this. We're supposed to be a community. You can build upon someone else's thoughts, use the reblog button or cite them in your own original post. It's very simple.

I didn't link the post because I don't want OP put on blast, but I needed this issue adressed, because if it happened once, it can can or could have happened twice. This is a learning opportunity: plagiarism feels real bad. I don't want this for anyone else.

Have a good one all of you 💖

[hopefull-mindset]

Lately I've been thinking about the current progression of the story, obviously we are nowhere near the ending, however, what are your thoughts towards how the main story is going to end?

Based on what we know so far how do you think what do you think the climax and the resolution the story is going to be? Because so far it seems like it's going to be something related to the book, but there's so many plot points and characters that we haven't even really touched on yet and I'm wondering if we ever will (for example the order of the clock tower was this just a one and done thing or are we getting more on that Asagiri????)

I am SO sorry. I got sick on the weekend I was thinking of answering this. Then I got completely stuck on what I wanted to say because honestly I have no idea where this series is going besides a few things I know Kafka Asagiri wouldn't leave behind. I have faith in him and I feel like him pulling along Nathaniel Hawthorn for this long into the story and knowing when Fitzgerald would have involvement proves he doesn't forget about his previous storylines.

I see complaints sometimes about how Steinback’s side plot with the Guild is never touched on again and it's like?? Because there's already so much going on already?? I'm personally impressed with how Asagiri handles this bunch of characters and that's why I'm not impressed with complaints about the female characters getting “no” screentime. I think some of you really need to reread the manga because, of course, it would feel that way if you needed to split it between all these characters and have a smaller amount of female characters compared to guys.

It's an ongoing story so treat it like an ongoing story. Some criticisms I see of BSD really feel like they're in bad faith and don't give it any grace. To me, that's really depressing. I don't know what some of you even want from him. I'll move on now to your actual question.

This is a character-driven story with hmm, well I shouldn't say it doesn’t have a clear plotline because the antagonists have a clear goal for The Book, but it's not a story where the protagonist is driven to do anything besides overcome himself. I have ideas on what future plotlines would look like, but not all of them.

There are things that are absolutely going to be followed up on. Like how 55 Minutes’s story was left on a mystery to be explored in a future arc. 55 Minutes was very involved in the Great War and Europe, so I’m guessing some of that will be explored in due time. I’m not very good at guessing so I’m not the best to be asked on theorizing that far into the future.

How about I just speak on the present arc? I think that will be easier and it's good to work with the pieces we have. The ending is much too far into the future for me to come up with anything, really. This series is much too technical with its reference and motivations to say anything other than, “We should expect this stuff in the light novels to play into the story later.”

Since I gave myself some time to think this over, there are some things I am completely sure of having a critical role in the present and future of this story—besides the obvious lasting effects of the Great War and the storm Verlaine mentioned waiting for very much having to do with the Clock Tower’s eventual involvement.

I’ve been thinking about them a lot and I hadn’t realized this was my chance until now! So exciting! I mean these two tend to cross over for me.

55 Minutes is the 4th light novel in this series. Anyone who has read it loves it because of the focus on world building and getting to follow Atsushi for once in novel form. I went into it thinking that it was going to be a quick, self-contained story that happens a bit after the guild arc, but I was shocked to see that there were so many questions unanswered! On purpose obviously to set up a plot line for the future, but man.

While I am excited for many things from the light novels to be answered in the main story, I want to bring attention to the main antagonist. The living ability of Jules Gabriel Verne AKA Gab. Verne was a part of The Seven Traitors, a group that committed itself to stopping the war by any means necessary. They were what the Armed Detective Agency is to Atsushi for him. His ability (The Mysterious Island) absorbed other users’ abilities, so long as they were on an island he claimed as his domain.

By the time the war had ended, he was alone again and the rest of the members were either dead and disappeared. Verne decided to stay and maintain the Standard Island so his friends had a place to come back to. Fourteen years pass and a deadly weapon called Annihilation and it's maker, H.G. Wells, came onto the island. Annihilation had been stolen from her and Verne agreed to help her get it back from the terrorists under the name “Gab”. The terrorist in question being the colonel, not to be confused with the character of the same title who was an executive to the Port Mafia.

This colonel had actually been the former leader of the group who had called themselves Mimic after being abandoned by their country and had heard his men drifted to Yokohama, only to die there in vain. I wonder if that connects to anything that happened in another light novel, wink wink.

It wasn’t hard for Verne to find where it was hidden, but next he had to come up with a way to get it back without using his ability. He decided to join the thieves that had snuck onto the island by turning himself into a teenager and asking to be the pupil of the boss so he could borrow his ability to go through walls. It had worked as planned, until Wells was hit by a stray bullet and died. He was devastated that he couldn't save this one woman.

His solution to save her was to absorb her ability (Time Machine) to go back 55 minutes in time to reverse what had happened. That worked, but then he thought of another thing: if he absorbed her ability again, couldn't he go further back in time to get a better result? Wells’s ability has the condition that it could only send a person back in time once, but by absorbing it again, he can ignore it as if he were using it for the first time. He regretted how many of the colonel's soldiers had died and he never learned his motivations in the end.

He was right, but creating the perfect future is almost impossible because of how someone always gets hurt in the process. Every time he succeeded, there was only the “what if?” hanging over him that this wasn't enough. The more he used the ability, the further he could go into the past. Even larger ideas had come into his head. What if he could reunite with his friends? What if he could prevent the entire war from happening? He hadn't realized just as Wells's ability evolved, something else would too: Gab, the island and the boy he posed as.

It overtook him and left to reside inside his own flesh as an echo of his own self, at the very corner of his mind. He died and Gab had been birthed from it. Gab is an unstable creation and even so, his humanity still urges him to keep living no matter what. So instead of being motivated to repeat time to save others, he keeps living to save himself so he doesn't fall back into the darkness of an unknown waiting for him.

I could keep going and talk about how he's pretty much the embodiment of the themes present in BSD, his resemblance to Atsushi that the narrative points out so graciously, and the nature of what he is supposed to be in the grand scheme of BSD, but this isn't why I brought him up.

55 Minutes has aspects that have appeared in the main story ever since the Decay of Angels have taken their place in the manga as antagonists. Dazai’s ability to control his heartbeat, time travel, Akutagawa calling Atsushi his “trial” and fighting out at sea, and the Great War being the source of the conflict. Now what if I propose my idea of what had happened to Fukuchi to be similar to what had happened to Verne when he had used Wells’s ability?

This is Fukuchi’s corpse reanimated, I think we all know it. While it’s possible Fyodor must've put a safeguard to put the condition for this to have happened or that this is a Fukuchi from another universe, I think what had happened altogether, in the end, was the consequence of using Amenogozen so freely to the point he was messing with the state of the timeline and creating paradoxes. The backlash of this divine blade had either created a divine being or let one reside in him.

It's not only 55 Minutes that has parallels/foreshadows what's to come, but Untold Origins as well. I do like noticing how Kafka Asagiri adds things so they fit more snuggly into what's to come later in the season or make the connection more obvious, like Fukuchi having a feature when Fukuzawa is visiting Oda behind bars and Fyodor appearing on the roof when Fukuzawa monologues about “V”.

I think I've been seeing some people notice this too, but I think the play featured is incredibly important. Like really, really important. I mean beyond any resemblance people saw in the visuals used in the anime background that looked like Fyodor being crucified. I feel unprepared to talk about it, so I hope I make some sort of sense.

“The Living World Is a Dream. The Nocturnal Dream is Reality” is a real quote from Ranpo Edogawa and is used as the name for this play. Twelve fallen angels gather in an old theater to earn god’s forgiveness. They had disobeyed god in the past by wanting to coexist with human beings and were shunned after the fact. During this, they are killed off one by one without the killer ever being seen. The killer, as the script follows, is a supposed angel of judgment, but it's hard to tell for the others if it really was an angel imparting their judgment or a serial killer because of how common the methods seemed to be. That is their mystery to be solved.

One of the fallen angels claims that an angel would use a divine blade to purge them and not methods like these, while another begs the question of why a fellow sinner would go after them and that an angel would have a real motive to have them killed. Their reason to going to this old theater is because they were searching for an ability user. In this fictionalized story, ability users are angels who had fallen but were able to atone and given a portion of their power back. Their hope is that when they encounter the ability user, they will gain atonement as well.

Suddenly, Murakami (the lead performer) is stabbed by a blade that came from nowhere. Completing the promised threat of an organization named “V”:

“An angel shall bring death, in the truest sense of the word, to the performer.”

So, what happened?

As he takes his newfound identity as an “ability user” in pride on stage and claims himself to be the savior of all, Ranpo explains that the angel that the play refers to is the audience watching it. A metaphor to how the audience is invisible to the characters on stage and knew almost every that had happened, but Ranpo also says that because the audience couldn't have laid a finger on the them, it means the angel couldn't have been the killer.

The “angel” was more the victim than anything and the so-called judgment imposed was the show of what was originally regarded as another victim. The switching of roles. The same thing has also applied to this murder. While Murakami was regarded the victim, the accused killer the police suspected was a man under a fake name who has randomly disappeared. Tied up behind the currents, the man had been here all along. The true victim of this case.

Which makes Murakami the real culprit of his own “murder”, but he's only a piece of the picture. After getting arrested, he speaks about how he had planned with the playwright about this but has no clue what capturing the older man was for. Not even after saying this, a detective rushes in saying that the playwright had been impaled with no weapon to be found.

Again, after an officer who had worked for the mysterious group “V” and tried to kill Ranpo after refusing to join them had been arrested, he was also killed the same way as the playwright. I feel like I don't even need to say that this “V” group is obviously the Decay of Angels after laying that out. The same motivations as Fyodor (”rid all evil of this world”) and the sword business is Fukuchi silencing people.

What was the purpose of the play though?

Besides capturing Natsume Soseki (if you haven't read it), it was foreshadowing for what was to come. Let's abandon the idea that skill users are redeemed angels for a second. Just a second, I promise. Have you ever looked up what Kaumi (神威) even means?

While one of the first results you get will refer you to gods themselves, you should be focusing on a more literal translation. That being “God’s Authority” or greater divine power, making Fukuchi function basically as Fyodor’s own angel of judgment. Let's say that ability users are the sinners and Fukuchi (or Fyodor) is the one imposing their judgment, even if they should've been in the same boat.

Just like the play, they swap the victim (Armed Detective Agency) and the killer (The Decay of Angels) for the public‘s unknowing view. This play is filled with Fyodor’s personal bias and I think the irony of their searching for the “ability user” in the play is that to Fyodor, there's no such thing as a redeemed ability user. There is only salvation of death for this great evil and that is exactly what happens to the characters from the play.

Ranpo filps this narrative on its head and forcefully changes the ending of the fallen angel. He wasn't a part of the story, he forcefully shoved through its bullcrap to create something much more ideal. Something much less miserable. It's a little fun that two people he goes out of his way to help out (Yosano & Mushitaro) both have the title of “angel of death/murder” as that's how the angel of the play is also referred to. Save the killer that was actually a victim…

With that, I really shouldn't abandon how ability users get referred to with titles like angel and demon right? Chuuya had an angelic allusion in Storm Bringer when he activated corruption for the first time, and hell, look at my buddy Gab and his mechanical wings. The further they transcend themselves of their humanity, the more angelic or demonic they become. There really is no true difference between them though.

This should've been about the trajectory of bsd…. Then it became me wanting to talk about DOA crap….

Well, I really don't know much. I connected dots that were there for me, but nothing to say for the future of BSD. I understand what is happening, but not enough to be psychic haha. I mostly went on about that because I didn't want our conversation about what is currently happening to be pushed aside because there's always more to say. Maybe if I read more of the authors involved, maybe I'd know.

If this is disappointing, oh well! It has taken me so long to think of something to say that the new chapter has already come out. Kafka Assgiri always leaves me with more questions than answers.

What even are abilities anyway?

[argentumcor]

Notes About the Halo Ferret Trilogy

If you are reading this and haven't read Halo: Last Light and Halo: Retribution, you should because they're good.

Apparently, Troy Denning (of Star by Star fame, much is explained) said that he had to rewrite the ending of Shadows of Reach because Infinite was getting delayed. The Ferrets were supposed to get away with Blue Team and go back to the Infinity, not go off to the Ark. This was done last minute, as in the book was formatted and sent to be printed when the word came down. I would just about kill for the part that got switched, but 343 likely shredded it.

Knowing this now, I reread the book to find where the patch job likely was...I think it started when John and the girls go to grab the stuff they were on Reach to snag. It's not a really Denning Halo climax- all the Spartans are injured and their armor damaged, which in his books is usually a prelude to a final fight for somebody if not them. Instead, John does leg day and says hi to fragmentary AI and Fred has a too-brief encounter with Veta. There's no fight to get out, the mission just kind of ends. It's well written for sure but it just...the pace is off. A patch job.

I can see the set up for the original ending, too, I think. Fred keeps talking about blowing stuff up, which doesn't really get a pay-off. The Ferrets watching and waiting is set up for them needing Blue Team to do something, and delivering a message seems like a lot had to go just right for that move to work the way it did, rather than the easier task of getting the message to the horde of UNSC personnel now on the planet. Also it doesn't matter? Atriox is back and...I mean everyone would know soon enough, he's not a shadowy sort of guy, Atriox.

Also, I was certain that the mining equipment would not make it to the excavation site after all this effort was put into protecting it and it was really useful for doing war.

How, exactly, Infinite's delay necessitated the existence of Divine Wind specifically I'm not clear about. Atriox is back from the Ark, okay, there are a lot of portals to the Ark, or he could have got through regardless of what Blue Team did (making the mission a su success and failure at the same time is on-brand for Halo novels). Nothing in Divine Wind comes up in Infinite- not any of the stuff with the Prophets, not anything to do with the Banished's humans, not the Spirit of Fire. I get needing a book to fill in the schedule gap for the franchise, and Denning being slotted for that, but have him write another Ferret and Blue Team book, no one would mind...Blue Team is barely mentioned in Infinite, and their specific status except alive and busy elsewhere isn't said.

I'm pretty sure there was meant to be one more Ferrets book after Retribution that did wrap up a lot of the plot points wrapped up in Divine Wind, but perhaps with more finality in a few cases.

The three Ferret books were all about facing off with Intrepid Eye and Castor...and the first two had a lot to do with Gao. Intrepid Eye got brought down of course, and Castor while alive is in a different spot. Veta should be the one to off Castor, or at least set him up, considering what he did to her team. Arlo Casille needs justice for his part in that and worse, too.

Of course Blue Team, and Fred specifically, is a highlight of the first two books, too. Fred is my favorite Spartan so I'm biased. Not having the Ferrets working with him again seems like a mistake, and not just because of Fred/Veta, but also because it gives him something distinctive to do. Otherwise he's just a guy on John's team, which is unfortunately what Halo 5 did to my boy.

The first two books also made use of Veta doing CSI stuff, not just spy stuff. It's such a cool bit of both books and gives her a really unique skillset in the Halo roster that makes for some entertaining reading. It is not utilized in Divine Wind.

Divine Wind introduced a lot of interesting things, don't get me wrong, mostly on the Covenant side. The Ferrets...well, poor Mark died horribly. The survivors are on the SoF in a situation where spying isn't going to count for much (the Banished are killing their human members pretty freely), so maybe Ash and Olivia will be back to combat ops leaving Veta to...?

On my list of projects now, I guess, is to write my shot at the original climax of Shadows of Reach, then maybe try writing the third Ferrets book set on Infinity- an underutilized setting, may she rest in peace (if she is dead? I like that ship...she was beaten and evacuated, so she's gone...right? Why is the fate of so many people and places in Infinite not clarified?! Where is Blue Team?!?!)

[karalynlovescake]

2023 writing list

Not exactly a New Years resolution, as those don't often pan out, but more of a personal checklist. Please feel free to stroke my ego by asking me about any of these. If I remember I'll update with links as I finish.

I did not expect to start writing again in 2022, and the fact that I did is completely because of Sandman and the amazing tumblr fandom for it. So. Things I would like to write/finish in 2023:

1.) Black Unicorn AU: it has languished while I put off rereading the source material and write other things. I know HOW it ends but I don't like the ending scene I've written and until I do it won't click. But no one else is going to write this one so we'll keep working on it.

2.) He Would Not Say That: which has expanded to the point where I'm overwhelmed by it and overthinking the morality of fucking your boyfriend's dream subjects, which is a buzzkill because it was supposed to be very un serious sex comedy. Hob would give Chidi Anagonye a massive stomach ache if I could justify the crossover.

3.) Crack one-shot: Come Live With Me and Be My Cat - a spin-off of love to Avelera’s amazing fic and inspired by that great picture that @twottie-m8 did of Hob throwing Cat!Dream at the Corinthian

4.) Some kind of SandOmens side piece PROBABLY attached to Least of These so we can have a good fun "you built a what to whom" reaction from Aziraphale and Crowley.

4a.) The Next Level - wrote this instead, a very soft fluffy little piece where Dream asks Aziraphale and Crowley for advice on being the type of friends who hold hands. We'll see if that scratched my itch to write SandOmens.

5) Actually, let’s throw The Least of These on this list. Didn’t include it before because I started it in Nov/Dec, but it was SUPPOSED to be a soft smutty 5k and now it is 25k and is more plot than smut, and has taken up more of my time than I anticipated

6) As of yet untitled longfic #1: if published will be two separate works, part one a setup of "Dream shows up every couple of years for sex, but in a different disguise every time because he thinks he's smart" and part two is your standard fishbowl rescue/let's rewrite season 1, because we like them. I want this to be better than I feel I'm capable of writing but I keep plonking away at it, and it's 16k words already, which is too much for me to give up on.

7) A Secret Third Thing: (not actual title) where I come to terms with the fact that in killing off Morpheus by having him put half his soul in the Corinthian I accidentally made an OC that I'm kind of interested in.

8) Honeymoon piece: I don't want to write the wedding, that sounds exhausting, but Hob wants to honeymoon somewhere he hasn't been where they can just be themselves, and Dream takes him to a little side project he, Delirium and Destruction started a few centuries back: a friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while everyone pretends to sleep. The King of Nightmares is a minor celebrity in Nightvale, and he gets to show off his new husband. Silly.

8a) I did, in the end, write a wedding, if a rather hasty one, so we have: Then maybe, maybe, maybe you'd stay which was written almost entirely in 72 hours in a tiny hotel room in a foreign country 6000 miles from home, after my husband's passport got stolen 15 hours before we were supposed to fly home, thus turning the end of our dream vacation into nearly a literal nightmare. Apparently I stress write. You learn things when you travel.

9) The Financial Crimes of Hob Gadling, only of I can think of a way to do it that shows off my special interest without publishing a "How to crime" guide.

10) Longfic #2, working title "All the Things That Lie Undone" - loosely based off the plot of a favorite out of print smutty historical romance novel. Basic plotline is worked out, but so far all that's written so far is the first two chapters and one sex scene.

11) Longfic #3 which has eclipsed all desire to work on Longfic #2, which will hopefully be my Centennial Husbands Big Bang entry.

12) Anything I want, there are no rules, I have permission to have fun and make myself feel happy.

[not-poignant]

🌞 🎉 and ✅ (particularly the "even if you don't mean to" part?) Also I hope you are having a gentle day!!💗

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

My preferred time is the morning, but that isn't actually the time of day I write most. I write whenever I have the energy to write. Morning. Early afternoon. Late afternoon. Early evening. Late evening. It's a mix. :D

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

Honestly this depends on several factors: The popularity of the fandom, the age of the fandom, the pairing itself (rarepair or not), how active the fandom is on average (some fandoms engage less than others) and in the case of original fic on AO3, how well it converts to income and engagement overall. From there, I never look at hits, this is a dead metric to me, I don't care how many hits a fic has. I consider comments and kudos, and secondarily, Tumblr engagement and public bookmarks, as success metrics for me personally.

Am I writing a rarepair in a dead fandom - like The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle? If so, than about 40 kudos total throughout the lifetime of the fic and maybe 4-5 comments per chapter makes it a raging success. Am I writing a long Fae Tales story? If so, then about 1000+ kudos and around 8-14 comments per chapter makes it a success as well as slow but steady growth on the Patreon. So you can see that this is a hugely variable set of metrics. There's nothing universal for me, except that I look at comments, and I look at kudos.

It really just depends. Some of my least read fics (like Inmates) are actually some of my faves. I just know they're good and I enjoy rereading them. So that fic was successful for me. When I started writing it I assumed no one would read it, so when one person commented, I screamed happily (this was back when I was posting it on Livejournal and Fanfiction.net lmao). Pia from back then could never have imagined how things have changed since.

But yeah, it changes, a Stardew Valley fic is not a Doctrine of Labyrinths fic is not a Fae Tales AU is not Fae Tales canon re: when I consider it successful. (For example, I always expect Fae Tales AUs to outperform the canon, I generally expect most fanfic to perform on par with a Fae Tales AU unless it's Rise of the Guardians, y'all are so engaged in that fandom).

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

If it's something 'I don't mean to' have appear, I probably don't know what it is, because I don't know that it's happening? So that part is weird, lmao. I can't answer it dslkajfsda

There are A LOT of things that turn up in my fics over and over again, to the point where I actually sell my writing based on thematic consistency: It always has trauma recovery, it always has hurt/comfort, it always has character-based writing, it always has some kind of power dynamic between the MCs that almost always leads to BDSM, it always has a hopeful or happy ending.

Other things: It generally has a few problematic faves - sometimes you'll hate 'em before you love 'em. There's almost always absent / dead or abusive parents of the MCs. Sometimes all three! There's usually one or two amazing parent-type guide figures (Lija and Mikkel, Adelais, Cassandra and Vivienne, Fenwrel and Ondine, Dr Harvey in Stain, North and Eva) who are often found (or become literal) family.

There's a heavy focus on the healing power of nature re: traumatised characters (this is literally a proven thing irl, but also I'm a Druid). Characters are usually affluent to some degree (by association or directly) by the end of the story as part of the happy ending. It's almost always going to be longer than an average novel. There's usually a light-hearted character with a heart of gold who adds levity to more serious storylines (Anton, Ash, Adelais, Luridan, Kadek, Janusz, Aidhe).

Tbh there's a ton more stuff but I'm not going to put it all here. But there are definitely very predictable things that appear in my fics over and over again. Enough that I can generally say fairly reliably, 'if you like this one, you'll probably like at least some of the others' lmao.

-

From the fandom meme!

[the-blind-geisha]

you're so right with that pandemic thing. i swear i had my moments when i thought it was 2023 and not 2022 lel.

living in demiurge tag sounds amazing, ngl. and, honestly, im not surprised you're trying to put his character into your original work. man, this gives me some very good memories, haha. good luck with that! i mean, based on what you were doing with your oc in ac era, im sure you gonna do amazing in here too! <3

glad to hear that. not about that anemia part, that can go and suck something. but yeah, thanks a lot, dear. ngl i feel guilty about this (or more like cringing) so, really, thanks a lot. it means a lot too! <3

Yuri Alpha has so little time to develop too, just like Albedo and Demiurge </3 but i know what you're feeling. my fav one is Sebas (funny how he and Demiurge aren't on friendly terms) and yeah. i mean, he had some time but it doesn't feel enough for me. or maybe, i just wanna see Tuare again. I absolutely love her too. I watched a few episodes of the new season and it's amazing! like you said, they really raised the quality (flashbacks from these sheep? from previous season). and yeah, the movie! man, i think it's time to reread the light novels.

that's really so sweet, I mean, oh my goooooooood. so, so, sweet! i need to confess tho, i was never really interested in final fantasy nor i can imagine myself getting and being active in overlord fandom. to be honest, i'm here just for you. our contact was cut but i've been thinking about you, how you've been and all that stuff. after all it was thanks to you that i started writing too and met people i still talk to. it sounds so silly, but i own you a lot. that's why i want to check in on you, from time to time <3

i was honestly surprised you got back on the blog that had ac content. but hey, no matter where you are and which blog you're using, you're still the same wonderful creator from these years ago <3. and i gotta check (reread!) the fall series cuz the dilf addiction is stronger in me than ever. also, damn, those names of your stories bring back memories too. but dunno why, i find myself missing the one about jacob wooing the reader? anyway, i just want to say: take your time. if you decide to post your fanfics again, that's great. if you decide to never post your fanfics again, that's great too! don't feel pressured, alright? no matter what. yes, im sure a lot of people would love to reread these fanfics again, but they have no right to pressure you to post them. those are your fanfics and it's completely your choice if you want to release them to the world again or to let them rot on your hard drive. (send them to a happy farm kekekek)

oh my! that's wonderful! i mean, he's your character, after all. so, i'd be nice to bring him back. loving the idea of werewolf au (it kind of reminds me of his ability to turn into a horse) but still, no pressure, alright?

omg that's honestly so nice! but also, hm. alright then, since im that person, then, hiya Oreana, thank you for all the fanfics, love letters, rp responds you have blessed us with. it was truly such a pleasant journey. but i should also say: thanks for writing that one love letter. i actually requested it during a school's party, my mood was absolutely low but your letter lifted it. <3

don't worry about the folks (me) not finding you! we (me) have our methods ("hackerman" methods)

it's always great to hear from you too, Oreana! <3 - P

(i need to say that cuz yeah. ehem... HOLY EFF look how long the asks can be now! that's so effing cool! i remember how limited you were when i firstly got on tumblr, so that's so effing awesome. so effing awesome for someone who loves to talk a lot. like me yaay!)

Mawwr, thank you, hon! That means a lot!

Haha, don't worry about the anemia part. XD I have taken iron pills on and off to where I'm becoming a functioning person again. And, seriously. Don't worry about anything negative between us that may have happened in the past. ♥♥

LOL I love the whole dynamic between Sebas and Demiurge. I'll admit I was so confused during the scene where Demiurge was fighting to get Tuare on his farm having not read the LNs or Manga and forced to go right into the show. X”D I thought maybe Demiurge randomly cared about her out of nowhere and the two were silently fighting over what she should do for Nazarick. Then I realized he just wanted to torture the poor girl...and that the sheep were actually humans. My whole world turned upside down, I tell you! X”D Out of context Overlord scenes are awesome... lmao.

Ooh, you started writing? That's awesome! I am so happy I could inspire that! ;^; One of my main reasons for writing is to try and inspire/encourage others. So that makes me insanely happy. ;~; Of course, hon. You can always check in on me whenever you like! Heck, I feel during this time I get nervous about all the people I'm close to or even the readers I miss. I just hope they're all doing well.

It was more to feel safe, and also, people kept following me here. X3 So I just decided to return to it. ♥

You're so dang, sweet. T^T Aww, thank you?? That's so kind of you to say!

Jacob wooing the reader? You mean the one that spawned a mini-story after I did the first love letter of its kind for a late V-Day drabble? An old friend of mine created a whole aesthetic for it...I think I have it still. I do! ♥

I know he took the reader out on a date and all that and it caused some Romeo and Juliet drama, as she was a Blighter, I believe.

♥♥♥ Thank you for that. I can't tell you how guilty I felt deleting the stories. I never do go delete happy, but oof. I was just beyond repair. The only positive out of that craziness was I grew a stronger backbone, but I don't know at what cost. X3; Still, thanks!

My word...the fact you remember even that—Emmett being able to turn into a horse because his mom was Oreana in another AU of mine—is amazing. O_O; I actually almost forgot it! That is...beyond flattering?? Thank you so dang much! T~T

Thank you, hon. Just...Thank you... I'm like, almost a sobbing mess of happiness right now. I can't tell you how lovely this message is to receive. ♥♥♥ I am so happy that love letter you received has brought you joy and it came during a good time for you. It is wonderful to know my writings came during the perfect time for some folks.

(Yeah you can practically send novels. XDD Works for whenever someone wants to send a RP post, I guess!)

[bananakarenina]

Deep fic writer asks: 1, 4, 17, 19

answering this one during breakfast...i'm supposed to be heading to work but i'm hungry and want to engage with something, dammit

1. what's the fic youre most proud of?

honestly i'm super proud of all of them but i think i'm going to have to say for love's sake only because like. i wrote 47k words. that's a novella. i wrote a freaking book. and it's good?? people like it??? i like it?? it's still mind-blowing to me.

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

lollll i don't know what this says about me but i've been rereading leave the light on lately. make of that what you will

in less depressing news i reread a star sweetly gleaming (aka the jane/missy christmas fic) yesterday and it turns out i wrote something extremely adorable? total mood lift.

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?

in terms of individual comments, @daintyduck99 left a novel of a comment on leave the light on that included the line IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE ENDING AND THE LAWS OF THIS LAND I WOULD SUE YOU FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE and i will treasure that in my heart always. also @merihn commented on the last chapter of for love's sake only and just said YOU. YOU BITCH. I HATE YOU which i will also treasure always

in terms of comments in general--my bf mainlined all of the for love's sake only series a few weeks ago, and left his very first fic comment after i directed him how haha, and he texted me afterward to be like (direct quote) "is gushing about the piece kind of part of the fandom? it's like the most loving and supportive comment section in the history of comment sections"

and i said no, i just have the best readers, some of whom are also the most lovely friends i have met ever?? (he was trying to figure out which ones were ash @daintyduck99 bethany @invisibleraven and jay @where-you-go because i talk about you all the time hahahahaha)

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

my ideal fic would be finished and posteddddd aghhhhhh

but really, that's such a good question? i feel like every fic i write i try and write my ideal fic for that moment, if that makes sense? everything i write is me trying to find the ideal, hahahahaha

right now i am feeling one of my WIPs--the rulie christmas romcom au in which julie is a super famous popstar and reggie is her new limo driver for december in new york city

i would love for it to be the ideal love letter to romcoms and also a letter of fondness to the city too, we'll see if my brain lets it come to fruition before christmas LOL

ask me things about fic writing!

[sealwomyn]

Separatist Lesbrarian Post

As if my Goddess research book pile isn't big enough.. I've decided to make a post of my work-in-progress separatist booklist; there's essays, feminist sci-fi, lesbian novels, all-female societies, herstories, etc. Some I've read but most are TBR on the Storygraph. If any women know anything that would be a good fit, or praise or criticism of anything here, feel free to add suggestions.

Fiction:

Sultana's Dream by Rokeya Sakhawat Hossein (only 11 pages and I love it so much)

The Wanderground: Stories of the Hill Women by Sally Miller Gearhart

Womonseed by Sunlight

Daughters of a Coral Dawn trilogy by Katherine V. Forrest

Return to Isis trilogy by Jean Stewart

Journey to Zelindar, Hadra Archives series by Diana Rivers

Ammonite by Nicola Griffith (this one made me want to go to the all female planet so much!)

The Demeter Flower by Rochelle Singer

The Gate to Women's Country by Sheri S. Tepper

A Door Into Ocean, Elysium series by Joan Slonczewski

*Herland by Charlotte Perkins Gilman (I read this, cw for shameless racism)

Your Faces, O My Sisters! Your Faces Filled of Light, and Houston, Houston, Do You Read?, by James Tiptree Jr. (pen name of Alice Sheldon)

When Women Were Warriors trilogy by Catherine M. Wilson (too many men in last book, some weird scenes but good otherwise, would reread)

*The Stars Are Legion by Kameron Hurley (read this, overall liked it but for the love of Goddess check reviews for content warnings bc idek how to warn for this)

The Carhullan Army/Daughters of the North by Sarah Hall (read, off-putting scenes esp gross het scene but interesting other aspects)

Banner of Souls by Liz Williams, added by suggestion! This looks interesting.

Sister Light, Sister Dark by Jane Yolen, thanks to @violetssunsets for the addition! unfortunately was warned about het content but also a society of warrior women.

Celaeno series by Jane Fletcher, thanks to @unified-multiversal-theory for the suggestion! Has an all-woman society so I need it in my life.

Herstory and Nonfiction:

Separatism and Women's Community by Dana R. Shugar (got this recently and excited to read this herstory)

Lesbian Land by Joyce Cheney

Sinister Wisdom #98: Landykes of the South: Women's Land Groups and Lesbian Communities in the South (have this, many listed are of the past)

La Luz Journal by Juana Maria Paz (actively seeking this one atm, racism and esp colonization issues wrt women's spaces on occupied land are something I want to see addressed)

Country Lesbians: The Story of the Womanshare Collective by Sue Deevy, Nelly Kaufer, Dian Wagner, Carol Newhouse, and Billie Miracle. (Billie gave me a copy of this when I visited Womanshare a few years back)

Weeding at Dawn: A Lesbian Country Life by Hawk Madrone

Amazon Acres, You Beauty: Stories of Women's Lands, Australia, edited by Sand Hall

Circles of Power: Shifting Dynamics in a Lesbian-Centered Community by La Verne Gagehabib and Barbara Summerhawk

For Lesbians Only: A Separatist Anthology, edited by Sarah Lucia Hoagland and Julia Penelope. (70 essays! I haven't finished it but I'm trying)

Wild Mares: My Lesbian Back-to-the-Land Life by Dianna Hunter

*Herlands: Exploring the Women's Land Movement in the United States by Keridwen N Luis (language in synopsis seems to favor male invasion of Female Sovereign Space so my expectations are low)

If any women here have read any of these please let me know your thoughts! I don't have anon on but I’ll redact asks if you want to write in anonymously, just say the word. Hoping to find more knowledgeable lesbrarians on our beloved hellsite than myself :)

[imatechbummerliketomholland]

"ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʙᴏᴏᴋ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ?" - ʜ.ᴏ

Hello to you! There it is! My first Harrison request. I'm working for a one shot with him, but it takes me so long because it's a little angst. But don't worry, this one is just fluff! I hope you'll all like it! I did not have time to be reread and corrected. So be indulgent once again, English is not my native language.

Summary: harrison met you in this coffe/bookstore where you friend worked. Since that day, he tried to ask you out but nothing really worked he would like. Until that day. Word count: 2690 Warning: some of swear, spoilers of "one day" by David Nicholls" Pairing : harrison osterfield Request: yes!

You walked happily into the store, heading towards the counter where your best friend was. “The cup and feather” was a second home to you. The warm atmosphere that reigned in the bookstore/cafe has always seduced you. There was a peace of mind that relaxed your muscles: the woody decor, the warm and captivating light, the mixed smell of old/new books and coffee. You were leaning on the counter where Maya was completing an order for a regular.

“Good morning Luke! Enjoy your drink!” you said with a large smile.

“Hello dear y/n! Thanks sweetie! Let me know if you want to drink something. It’s on me”

“It won’t be necessary but thank you. I appreciate!”

The customer adds a generous 10-pound bill to the tip pot with a wink at you. Maya thanked Luke and then gave you a broken look. You gave her an amused smile, shaking your head, already anticipating her next line. But nothing could dissipate your good mood, your day was good.

"It's unbelievable how my tips increase when you're here. What's your secret?"

“Hello to you too, dear best friend. I don't have a secret...but maybe, try to be...nicer to customers? Give them a smile while you're taking their order! ”

“Hello honey. I’m so thankful you’re here. It’s a boring day”

It was a pretty quiet day, there weren't a lot of customers. The rather gloomy London weather seemed to have put them off. A huge thunderous sound echoed outside and Maya jumped. You had a sympathetic and somewhat amused smile. You liked the storm. To be honest, you liked the storm when you weren't alone: feel the heavy, electric atmosphere before the refreshing rain falls. She looked out the window with annoyance.

"Jesus. It looks like it's gonna be a long day" she complained

“Don’t be so dramatic! Let me help. How can I help you?”

“There is this book cart that I have to put away and that has been lying around for an hour. But my boss would kill me if he found out that someone who actually doesn’t work here, did it for me”

Maya gave you a knowing look. It wasn't that she hated you helping her with her work, on the contrary, you were quite useful to her. But she would have preferred that you spend your free time other than helping her. You took a few books from the cart, sticking your tongue out at your best friend and rushing down the aisles of the library section. The distinct sound of a heavy downpour was heard outside and a few seconds later, the store door opened to let in two young, but also handsome, men. Maya bit her lip as one of the individuals approached the counter with a polite but warm smile. He seemed tall, with a thin but toned build, thin lips, his blue eyes pierced her from the moment his eyes met hers; a fucking model.

"Hello. Do you mind if we stay a little while the downpour subsides?" he asked.

" Hell no, of course! You can stay as long as you want as long as I can admire you… uh, shit, no, as long as you order something… did I say the other part out loud?

The second boy laughed, but nothing mocking. He was shorter than the guy across from Maya, brown hair and chocolate eyes, muscular arms but not sculpted like a bodybuilder. He seemed in good shape.

The blonde raised his eyebrows, an amused smile on his lips.

"I'm afraid so. Um ... okay. Tom?" he turned to his friend "Do you want to drink something?"

"Black tea. A single sugar and a drop of milk."

Your friend nodded meaning she heard it and then she patiently waited for the blonde to place his order.

"I'll have mint tea. Just one sugar too."

"Noted! Feel free to go grab a book once you've settled in."

The blonde smiled at Maya as he turned slightly to the tables to settle in with his friend. You were immersed in reading a synopsis when you finally returned to the counter. You looked up too late while talking to your best friend.

"Hey, Maya can I keep - ouch"

You had just hit a rather solid chest and your eyes widened in surprise. Two hands grabbed your shoulders before the fall, stabilizing you on your two good. And thank you, handsome stranger because you would have been able to let yourself fall so as not to drop the book you were holding in your hands.

"Everything's alright, love?"

"Huh Huh" You barely said, still a little surprised by the impact.

He smiled at you and finally joined Tom at a table without giving you a chance to thank him. You leaned against the counter giving your best friend an indecipherable expression.

"Who are these guys?"

"I know, right?" Maya whispered, biting her lips again.

You smiled to her. You and your best friend had the same tastes when it came to boys. So it was no wonder that they found them attractive.You quickly gave a last look on the mysterious guy before focusing on the cart again. Your logic wanted you to go back and forth rather than pushing this wheeled machine. And deep down, it was also an excuse to admire the blond boy at the table 7. When you came back from your last trip down the aisles and there were no books left on the cart. You noticed with a sad expression on your face that both boys were gone. What did you expect? A romantic scene where love story is born in the aisles of a bookstore cafe. What's the point? You might not even have been his type. Correction: You were certainly not his type. Maya came over to you, a mischievous half-smile on her face.

"If you're wondering. His name is Harrison. I heard his friend call him. And he kindly tipped you 25 pounds."

"I don't work here."

"It's just like"

"I would probably never see him again, Maya"

"Believe me, I have a feeling that you will."

☙♡❧

And she was right. The following week did not bring the handsome stranger, the following week either. You had totally, or almost, forgotten this delicious abrupt encounter. You were in the aisles of the cafe, looking for the next book you were going to devour when you were politely tapped on the shoulder, a throat clearing accompanying the gesture.

"Hm, excuse me?"

You turned around and your eyes widened a little in surprise. You did not expect, or more, to see this beautiful stranger again. He was holding a book in his hands and looked nervous. His demeanor was endearing and you couldn't help but suppress a shy smile.

"Yes?"

"I'm looking to get my mom a book. I've heard of this one but ... I wanted your advice."

You raised an amused eyebrow. He wanted to buy a book from his mom and he went to a coffee shop to ask you for advice on a book he obviously couldn't buy here. You found this sweet and awkward. You gave him a shy and mischievous smile.

“You know you're not supposed to buy the books here… just read them. »You joked

"Hmm, yeah ... but ... I wanted your opinion since ..."

"I don't work here ..."

The surprise was read in his eyes as in yours but for different reasons. Harrison felt silly for asking you when you weren't an employee. You, you were surprised by your tone, which seemed so cold when it was not your intention. You didn’t want to be rude to him. In fact, he makes you a little bit uncomfortable. You had never been so awkward with a boy but, for some reason you didn't know, his piercing blue eyes bowled you over. You couldn't deny that you were drawn to him and there was something really spellbinding about Harrison. To catch up you glanced at the book, you wrinkled his nose and you scratched your head

“I'm sorry, this is not the kind of novel I read ... But if she read Fifty-shade of Grey ... this book might please her” you told him, somewhat embarrassed.

Harrison gave you a confused look and you pointed to the cover of the book. To be fair, although he won't admit it, Harrison had grabbed the first book he saw off the storage cart and it actually turned out that it was an erotic fiction rather categorized in the young adult, a bestseller. Honestly, you didn't know where to put yourself. You watched the cheeks of the boy in front of you turn deep red.

"Okay ... Okay. I wasn't there for my mom."

"No shame ..." you tried to comfort him

"No..no i swear. It..i'm … okay ...

A boy with curly hair appeared in the aisle, calling out to the young man, breaking that awkward moment between you at the same time. Harrison's friend seemed vaguely familiar to you, as if you knew him or seemed to know him.

"Harrison, we're late. Tom's gonna kill me, mate!"

Harrison gave a sigh of relief that he seemed to have held back. He gave you a sorry smile and apologized before leaving you, putting the book down on a shelf. They headed for the exit and you stayed there, without moving, still challenged by this moment. You heard a laugh that came from the curl without actually hearing the reason.

"Did you ask her advice about 365 DNI? What kind of div are you?"

"Shut up Harry."

And Harry's laugh echoed one more time before the door closed on them. After a few seconds, you returned to the counter where your best friend was. She nodded at you, as if asking like it had happened. You have to shake your head negatively while shrugging your shoulders. It was the most bizarre interaction you have had in your life. A total failure. With that, he was sure you would never see him again.

☙♡❧

But you were wrong again. You were, again and again, at the cafe. Maya was finishing her shift and you were sitting at a table with a book in your hand. You were in your own little world when your gaze was drawn to a male hand, wearing rings highlighting the veins of that said hand, placing a cup of latte on your table.

"I didn't order any-" you said before interrupting you.

Harrison was in front of you, a shy little smile drawn across his face. You frowned, intrigued. How had he guessed your favorite drink? A simple glance over the blond's shoulder told you your answer: Maya was smiling at you, thumbs up, as a token of encouragement. You looked Harrison, pursed your lips, flattered by the gesture.

“I wanted to apologize for the other time.” Harrison finally spoke.

“It's nothing ... I..I hope your mom liked the book.” you just told him with a little smile

"I… It wasn't for her."

"Oh..for whom?" you asked intrigued.

He smirked, amused by your carelessness. Was he not obvious, however? Since the day he met you, the actor hadn't stopped thinking about you. Tom and Harry kept telling him that he was completely whipped and looked like a fool.

"For no one actually. I grabbed the first book I found."

"But why?" you seemed more confused.

"I wanted to see you. It was a pretext… I didn't know how to approach you."

Your cheeks turned as red as Harrison's the last you met him. You were flattered but at the same time surprised to know that he was interested in you. You've replaced a strand of hair behind your ear, blushing. An awkward silence has settled between you two. Neither of them really knew how to break the ice. Harrison looked up at the book you had put on the table when he arrived.

"What do you read?" he asked interested

“One day by David Nicholls. It’s the one of the most moving books I have ever read.”

And you started talking for hours about how this book moved you and how Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess' portrayal in the film adaptation blew your mind. How you went from laughter to tears to anger. How you got attached to the characters in both the book and the movie. Harrison couldn't stop you. He admired you talking with passion and found you endearing. The way you spoke with your hands or the way you frowned when some character action disturbed you. You were in your world and he wanted to enter it.

"I hope we end up like them." He said, interrupting you.

You suddenly stopped in your monologue looking at Harrison puzzled. You didn't expect this. First, because by knowing the story of this novel. You didn't want anyone to experience people's stories, no matter how beautiful it was. Second, did Harrison just say he was considering something with you?

"Like who?" you asked

"Emma and Dexter ... I hope we have such a great story."

You pursed your lips, amused. You swallowed to keep from laughing and you shook your head. You were sure he didn't read the book but you wanted to play with him a little.

"I don't hope so."

"Why? Their love story is beautiful!"

"You haven't read this book have you?"

"Of course yes!" he defended himself, uncomfortable.

In truth, he was lying. He was trying to impress you. He had simply said he wanted to live this love affair to soften you and try to approach you to ask for a date. Once again, you smiled, genuinely amused by the boy in front of you. He looked so innocent and so confident in her walk. But you knew ... You knew he hadn't read the book.

"Harrison, she dies at the end"

Harrison's cheeks have once again turn red. He played with his hands nervously, embarrassed. He was an idiot, a complete fucking div. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to let go of all the stress he had accumulated but also to find a way to make up for it. You were blowing him outright. He thought you were so beautiful and had never been so awkward about approaching a girl. Of course, Harry had introduced him to his ex-girlfriend. But, the actor had never had a hard time flirting. He knew his strengths, he was kinda funny, can't deny he was pretty handsome, after all he was a model. He was also an actor, he could play all emotions, recite hundreds of lines of dialogue. But you looked different and he was unable to have a conversation with you without being ridiculous. You found that rather adorable.

"Okay, okay. I don't hope we end up like them."

“I hope you don't wait 20 years before asking me out?”

Harrison looked at you surprised. Did you really just reach out to her? Did he hear what you just said or did his imagination play a dirty trick on him? Her heart skipped a beat. You pursed your lips before putting on a warm but shy smile. You weren't that confident in normal times but ... but it was pushing you out of your comfort zone. You liked him, his clumsiness made you laugh and moved you a lot. You wanted to know him better. And with a simple smile, Harrison knew he had the green light.

"Would you ... have coffee with me?"

"I'm already taking one with you, idiot" you joked ...

"Yeah..hmm, okay ... um. Would you like to go on a date ... one day?"

Your smile widened. You didn't know if he had chosen his last words intentionally but you liked to think he had. And if it wasn't, that awkwardness had melted your heart. You bit your lip, a smile still on your face. Your cheeks were rosy with emotion. Eventually, you might have had your romantic story at a coffee shop / bookstore.

“Yes, Harrison. I would like to go out with you.

[h0tch-r0cket]

Infatuation (18+) {a.h.}: chapter 3

summary: you needed a job. aaron hotchner needed a babysitter. the rest was inevitable.

word count: 4.6K

warnings: explicit language, drinking alcohol

table of contents

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"To your new job! Congrats, Y/N!" Esmé hollered over the loud club music as she held her shot glass in the air. You lifted your glass next to hers, clinking them together, before you both threw the vodka back, the liquor giving your throat a slight burn as it went down. You placed the shot glass down in front of you, adding one more to the collection that was slowly growing in front of you.

You leaned closer to Esmé's ear, practically shouting to be heard over the music that was making the club walls shake. "Thanks for taking me out tonight. I appreciate it."

Esmé slung her arm around your shoulder languidly, evidence of the ever growing drunken state that was growing between the both of you throughout the night. "No other way to celebrate your last weekend as a job free woman than with booze and boys!" She nodded her head back towards the dance floor where you watched some attractive men dance, waiting for someone to join them. Esmé hopped off her stool in front of the bar and grabbed onto your hand, tugging on it to urge you to go with her. "Come on! I want to dance!"

You groaned at her request, jokingly rolling your eyes at her. "You know, I think I'm much more comfortable over here."

Esmé scoffed, clearly not buying your lame excuse to not go out on the dance floor with her. "One song?" she pleaded.

You turned your attention to the blonde bartender, a playful smile on your lips. "Another shot please." He nodded, topping off the vodka in another glass for you. He placed it in front of you and smirked at you.

"That one is on me," he said, placing his hands down firmly on the counter. You watched his eyes dart down to your lips quickly and you felt your cheeks heat up. You understood quickly the subliminal implications of the shot.

You dropped your hand from Esmé's grip, standing up from the stool. You placed your elbow on the counter and beckoned the bartender forward to come closer to you with your pointer finger. He leaned over quickly, eager to be closer to you. Once he was close enough, you placed your hand on his shoulder, bringing your mouth up to his ear. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm not interested," you whispered. You heard him clear his throat and he stood back up, clearly being brought down from whatever excitement he thought he might have found himself in for the night.

He nodded in understanding, a cocky smirk growing across his face. He lifted the shot, keeping his eyes on you as he downed it quickly. He placed the glass on the counter and leaned back over to you. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

"I won't. But thanks." You turned your attention back to Esmé who was standing there in slight shock as you walked over to her.

"What the hell did you do that for?! He wanted to get in your pants! You should have let him," she exclaimed as she motioned back towards the bartender.

"Not my type," you said bluntly, as you ran your hands down your dress to straighten it out. The dress was a navy blue with an open back and plunging neckline. It ended right at your thighs, hugging your curves along your body.

"Your type is dark and brooding men who have some sort of position of authority," Esmé teased as she led you out to the dance floor.

"I mean you're not wrong," you laughed as you started to dance next to her.

"Keep your eyes peeled. Maybe you'll find Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome tonight."

You shook your head in annoyance but continued to dance with your friend. It's not that you didn't want to be with anyone. It was the fact that you had a hard time opening up to others about yourself and letting someone be with you for every part of your life, whether it was good or bad.

You were so used to looking out for yourself that you never really looked for a partner that often. You only had one relationship that you would ever consider serious, but even then, you had ended things because you were starting college and wanted to focus on school instead of worrying about pleasing your boyfriend. He was understanding of it all but a part of you still wondered about the what ifs that surrounded the situation.

What if we were still together?

What if I let him in more than everyone else?

What if I was wrong about letting him go?

You shook the thoughts from your head as you let yourself focus on dancing with Esmé, not wishing to dwell too much on the past. There was nothing that you could do to have changed what happened, and quite frankly, given the chance to, you weren't so sure that that would have been something that you would have done anyway.

Sometimes, you wished that you could bring your guard down and let someone in but you were just too worried that someone would come in and absolutely destroy your heart.

"Maybe. Guess we'll have to see," you agreed, at least playing along with Esmé to get her to subtly take the hint that you weren't interested nor in the mood to try to find someone in the bar to take home with you.

"You know, I have to admit that the way you turned down that bartender was hot," Esmé laughed as she danced around in front of you. "He definitely thought he was going to be heading home with you tonight."

You couldn't help but laugh at your drunk friend, who even in her current state of being, continued to be your hype-woman. "Well, he definitely thought wrong," you teased.

The two of you continued to dance the night away, downing more shots throughout your time at the club. You were having too much fun with Esmé to think about anything else other than the two of you at that moment in time.

-----

The rest of the weekend flew by too quickly for your liking . For the most part, you spent your time at your apartment, just relaxing and watching movies to pass the time. And as the days drew closer and closer to when you were officially starting your new job, you were filled with excitement with what was to lie ahead.

On Sunday evening, the day before your first day as the Hotchner babysitter, you were walking Artemis on your usual rounds when you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. As Artemis was smelling each and every little thing on the sidewalk, you checked your messages.

                                      Aaron Hotchner

-Good evening, Y/N. Just wanted to let you know that Jack's bus normally comes around 2:15 or so. This way you can plan your day accordingly for when you'll need to be here to pick him up. There's a spare key underneath the doormat out front for you to use to get inside. I should be home by 5, but should anything change, I will let you know. See you then.

-And don't be too worried about Buster, just in case you aren't a fan of larger dogs. He'll calm down after a few minutes of you being in the house.

You replied quickly, not wanting to keep your new boss waiting to hear from you.

                                               -Perfect! I'll see him there!

                                                          -Have a goodnight!

-Thanks, Y/N. You too. You continued on your walk with Artemis, the playful pup determined to stop and greet every dog that she passed on the way.

By the time you got back to your apartment, the sun was beginning to set, the sky filled with different shades of pinks, reds, and yellows streaking across the horizon. It was as if an artist had taken careful brush strokes and painted the ribbons of color that stretched across behind the multitude of buildings, amplifying the true beauty of the natural world.

Upon entering your apartment, you decided to take a quick shower to settle in for the night. You took off your clothes in the bathroom and hopped in, letting the warm water run down your body for a few minutes before getting washed up.

After finishing the shower, you brushed out your hair and got in your pajamas, curling up in bed with one of your books that you were currently rereading. It was The Centaur by John Updike, the story of Peter Caldwell and his father George. It was a story that warmed your heart being that it was told from an older Peter's point of view as he looked back on the memories of him and his father with a new perspective compared to the way he thought of his father when he was younger. There was just something about the novel that you loved, whether it was the allusions to Greek mythology, or the idea that it was one of the bildungsroman stories that you loved, but you could never get enough of it. The copy of the book showed its wear and tear, the spine having small creases and the pages being slightly yellowed from your constant reading. But you could have cared less.

You read a chapter or two in the book before feeling tired and ready to turn in for the night. You shut off your light on your nightstand and placed the book on it. "Artemis!" you called out tiredly. You heard the pitter patter of the bulldog's feet on the floor as she came into your room.

With a running start, she hopped up onto your bed, curling into a ball next to you. You ran your hand down her spine as she settled in for the night.

As your mind calmed down and you drifted off to sleep, your last conscious thoughts were wrapped around the idea that tomorrow would start a new chapter in your life and you were ready to start and hit the ground running.

-----

You arrived at the Hotchner household the next day, eager to start your new job. You grabbed your belongings from your car and headed up to the porch, grabbing the key from where Aaron had left it.

Upon unlocking the door, you were immediately greeted by Buster in the entryway. The shepherd jumped up on you, trying to sniff every inch of you that he could. You figured he smelled the remnants of Artemis on your clothes and besides, to him, you were a newcomer in his house so you were filled with unfamiliar scents.

"Alright. Easy boy," you said softly as you scratched his head and urged him to get down. "Better get used to me being here. We'll be seeing a lot of each other." Buster barked gruffly, seeming as though he was still trying to determine whether or not he was going to trust you.

You made your way to the kitchen, dropping off your belongings on the counter before checking the clock hanging on the wall for the time.

2:00pm.

15 more minutes until you had to go get Jack.

Buster barked loudly at you, grabbing your attention. He was standing next to the sliding glass door that led to the backyard, his tail wagging excitedly.

"Alright, alright. Here." You opened the door for the dog and watched as he bolted outside to blow off some steam.

Your curiosity got the best of you while you were waiting to walk to the bus stop so you decided to peruse around the Hotchner home and try to learn more about them from the items that you found.

In the living room, you noticed the collection of children's movies that were stacked neatly underneath the TV in the entertainment center. You also saw a picture frame that caught your eye.

Upon looking at it more closely, you came to see that it was a photo of Aaron, Jack, and a beautiful blonde woman. The trio was at the beach, standing proudly next to a sandcastle that you could only assume was Jack's creation considering the way that it was constructed. Aaron was holding a younger Jack in his arms, the boy's legs wrapped around his father's torso. Wide smiles were on everyone's faces, even Aaron, who even from the interview alone, you could tell that he didn't have a genuine smile on his face often.

You figured the woman in the photo was Jack's mother. You could see the features that the boy shared with the woman—her smile, the same rounded face, and more obviously the blonde locks that rested upon his head which was a stark contrast to the more raven colored hair that Aaron had. Looking at the photo, the picturesque family, it made you further wonder what had happened to her and why it seems as though she wasn't in the lives of Jack and Aaron anymore.

A loud bark stole your attention away from the photo. You glanced at the sliding glass door to see Buster standing there, panting like a fool, waiting to come back inside. You set the photo back down on its designated spot on the shelf and headed to let him inside. He bounded through the door, going straight for his water dish which he lapped up instantly.

You took another glance at the time.

2:10pm.

You grabbed the spare key that Aaron left for you and locked up the front door as you left to go grab Jack from the bus stop that was at the end of the street.

It didn't take long once you arrived to hear the bus in the distance. You stood on the curb, teetering your weight on the balls of your feet as you waited for Jack. The expectant parents waiting for their children were deep in their conversations as you heard the loud rumbling from the bus from around the corner.

The bus came to a halt at the stop sign, the red lights flashing to ensure that any passersby would stop and let the kids get off safely. One by one, the kids came off the bus with their backpacks much too large for them. You smiled as they all ran excitedly towards their parents, wrapping their arms tightly around their parents' legs for a hug.

You saw Jack hop off the last step of the bus and he looked around curiously.

"Jack!" you called out, waving your hand. "Over here!"

The boy's face lit up with a smile as he came over towards you. He stopped right in front of you, glancing up at you with his eyes squinted to avoid looking at the sun. "Hi, Y/N!" he excitedly said.

"Hey, buddy! How was school?" You squatted down in front of him to be eye level as you talked to him.

"It was good! We got tadpoles today. Ms. Kingston said they're going to turn into frogs," he explained, his voice full of wonder and anticipation.

"That's so cool! Ready to head home? I'm sure you have a lot of homework to do."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just a math worksheet and some sentences to practice. Ms. Kingston didn't give us a lot today."

"Well that's nice of her," you said as you stood back up. You placed your hand on his shoulder and started to walk back to the Hotchner household.

"Yeah, I like her," Jack said as you watched him absentmindedly kick a pebble along the street as you walked, his feet dragging on the cement softly. His head was tucked down, entirely focused on the pebble as he kicked it, watching it bounce down the street. He stuck out his tongue for a brief moment in his state of concentration. "I got to name one of the tadpoles."

"Oh really? What name did you pick?" You kicked the pebble back towards him since it left its intended path. You saw a small smile fall across his face.

"I named mine Kermit. You know, like Kermit the Frog from The Muppets?" He picked up the pebble from the ground and held it tight in his hand. "It's better than what my friend, Peter, picked out. He picked out the name Hoppy. How lame is that?"

You laughed at the boy's apparent disgust with such a generic name for the tadpole, clearly unaware of the fact that the name he picked out was just as much of a cliché. "So incredibly lame."

He hopped up the stairs of the porch of the Hotchner home and landed on the top step with a big thump. He walked over to the corner of the porch and placed the pebble next to the small collection that he had going on top of the railing. He turned his attention back to you and gave you a small smile.

"I've been collecting rocks for a while. I started with Dad one day and I always look for the perfect ones on our way home from school." He moved by the door, waiting for you to unlock it.

"That's so cool." You unlocked the door and Jack pushed it open, being greeted by Buster.

He dropped his backpack on the floor and knelt down by the shepherd and was scratching him behind his ears. "Hi Buster! Did you miss me?" The dog barked and gave Jack a few licks on his cheek. "I missed you too, boy."

You grabbed Jack's backpack off of the ground to get it out of the way. Locking the door behind you, you went into the kitchen and placed his bag on the kitchen table.

Jack came running in a mere few seconds later and was unzipping his bag, pulling out a lime green folder that was labeled Math and his pencil case. He grabbed a worksheet out of the folder and sat down, tapping his pencil on the table. "Hey, Y/N?"

"Yeah, Jack?" You grabbed a glass from out of the cabinet and poured yourself some water.

"Can you pass me the bowl of grapes from the fridge please?" You nodded and grabbed the bowl of fruit for Jack, placing it down on the table next to him. "Thank you." He picked one of the grapes off of the stem and popped it right into his mouth.

"You're welcome." You sat down at the table in front of him and scrolled on your phone as he did his homework.

The sound of the bowl of grapes sliding across the table grabbed your attention as Jack pushed it towards you. "Want some?" he asked as he put two more of the grapes in his mouth.

"Sure. Thanks, Jack." You grabbed a few grapes off the stem and ate them as you watched him do his homework. "What kind of math are you doing?"

"Word problems for addition. We just started them the other day. Ms. Kingston said they were going to be hard but I don't think they are," he explained as he wrote down the answer for the problem he was working on.

"Word problems can be tricky. Do you need help?"

He shook his head no and tapped the eraser of the pencil on his lips. "No, I'm good for now."

"Alright, well if anything changes, I'll be in the living room if you need me," you told him as you stood up from the table.

You heard a small okay from Jack and you settled on the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV.

Soon, you lost track of time as you sat in the living room. Jack's running made you turn your head away from the TV as you saw his backpack slung over his shoulder. "Everything okay, Jack?" You sat up straighter on the couch, trying to see where the boy was running off to.

"I'm all done with my homework so I was going to put my backpack away," he said at the bottom of the stairs that led to where you assumed his and Aaron's bedrooms were.

"All done already?"

"Yeah, I told you she didn't give us a lot of work to do for tonight."

"You did say that, didn't you?" you teased. "When you come back down, maybe we can play a game or take Buster on a walk or something."

"Okay!" He hurriedly rushed up the stairs and out of sight.

He came down the stairs a few moments later with a box in hand, pieces rattling as he went into the living room. He placed the box on the coffee table in front of you, allowing you to finally see what he was holding in his small hands.

"Monopoly, huh? Well, I gotta tell you Jack, when I play Monopoly, I play with absolutely no mercy," you joked as you rolled up your sleeves to your elbows, feigning cockiness.

"You're going down," Jack teased as he sat crisscrossed on the rug across from you and took the board game out of its box.

"I'd like to see you try," you encouraged as you sat down on the rug in front of him, leaning you back against the sofa.

The Monopoly game quickly ensued and the living room was filled with laughter as you and Jack played, trying to outdo one another. He told you stories from school as the game went on and you were amazed at how polite and respectful the child was. It was a shining testament to the way that his parents raised him and it made you excited about spending more time with him. You were truly enjoying his company which was something you weren't expecting.

After playing what seemed like an endless game of Monopoly, just as the two of you were cleaning up the mess, you heard a car alarm chirp which caused Buster to go rushing excitedly towards the door.

"Dad's home!" Jack exclaimed as he bolted up from his seat on the rug to the front door.

By the time he got in, Aaron was already making his way through the entrance, trying his best to maneuver his way between the excited dog and son duo. "Hey guys," Aaron said as he shut the door behind him. His voice sounded tired, like his day was really draining. You stood up from the rug and finished putting away the Monopoly pieces, watching the interaction of the father and son.

Aaron ran his hand through Jack's hair and roughed it up a bit as his other hand held onto a dark brown leather satchel. "How was school today, bud? Did you guys get your tadpoles?" he asked as he headed into the kitchen.

"Yes! I named one Kermit," Jack said excitedly, as he began to recount the day's events to his father. You heard their slightly muffled voices from the kitchen and figured that you shouldn't overstay your welcome and intrude on the time that Aaron has with his son. So you walked into the kitchen to go grab your things and head home for the day.

"Go take your shower, Jack. And then I'll make something for dinner," Aaron urged. The boy nodded and bolted upstairs but not before yelling out to you.

"Bye Y/N! I had fun today!" You felt warm at Jack's words, not only because of the fact that he was being kind, but also because of the bigger picture that he was enjoying his time with you, almost as much as you were.

"See you tomorrow, Jack!" You waved at him as he ran up the stairs yet again. You let out a sigh of relief and grabbed your purse off the kitchen counter. "That's some kid you have up there, Aaron. He's so kind and polite. I don't think I've ever met a kid as friendly and as well mannered as he is."

Aaron nodded his head silently, the tone of the room becoming much more dull than it had been about a minute ago when Jack was still downstairs. You watched Aaron grab a clear glass from the cabinet before going into a different one and grabbing a bottle of whiskey. He poured the amber liquid straight into the glass, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "Thanks, Y/N."

"No problem." You watched as he took a large drink from the glass, placing the cup down on the counter in front of him. He turned to look at you, leaning on the counter.

He studied you for a moment, just as you did with him. His hair was soft and floppy, a few stray strands resting on his forehead. You saw the way that his warm eyes were almost masked by the appearance of the bags that hung underneath them, a testament to how hard of a worker you assumed he was. His thin lips were held tightly together, not even an inch of a smile evident across them.

A part of you felt awkward with the silence that filled the room as he glanced back between you and the half drunk glass of whiskey in front of him. But another part of you felt that it was normal being that you didn't know much about him and he didn't know much about you.

He stood up and dug around in his satchel for a quick moment before handing you a sealed envelope. On the front of it was Y/N written in handwriting that was almost illegible but yet it was easy for you to read it. "Before I forget," he said quickly. "That's your pay for this week."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." You shoved the envelope into your purse and exhaled deeply. "I guess I better be going."

Aaron took another long sip of his whiskey and swirled the rest of it in his glass. "Mhm," he agreed.

You figured that it was just the exhaustion from the day that made him unsociable. But a part of you was wondering if he just was always this distant with people and closed off. It wouldn't surprise you considering you only knew so much about him.

"Same time tomorrow?" you asked as you started to walk out of the kitchen.

"Yeah. I'll probably be home later tomorrow. Some board of education meeting or some shit like that," he said as he leaned his back against the counter, crossing his feet over one another as he finished the rest of his whiskey.

"No problem. Have a good night, Aaron," you said as you adjusted the strap of your purse on your shoulder.

"You too," he said, unenthusiastically.

Your lips turned up into a small smile before you turned on your heels and left the house, getting into your car. You threw your head back against the headrest and let out a frustrated sigh.

"What the fuck was that about?" you spoke to yourself. You stared at the ceiling of your car for a few seconds before rolling your eyes and turning the key in the ignition.

Once you got back home, after settling in and telling Esmé about your day, you turned in early for the night. You couldn't help but have your mind wander back to Aaron and the way he was so curt with you. It made you question whether or not he was having second guesses about hiring you as his son's babysitter.

You tossed and turned in your bed, trying to get comfortable and shake off the feeling that was churning in your stomach.

You were overthinking. You had to be. He just had a hard day at work. Maybe one of his students pissed him off or a coworker did.

Nonetheless, as you would find out in due time, that would not be the last time you fell asleep with your last thoughts before your eyes closed being all about Aaron Hotchner.

-----

Author's note:

Hello hello! I am so excited for this story you have no idea. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

See you soon!

-jordyn

[beneaththemasks]

hey I promised this a long time ago but my depressed ass didn't let me write so

Analyzing Atsushi and Akutagawa pt.2

cw: dazai hate and beast spoilers

previous part here

first of all I want to clarify that this has been sitting in my drafts for nearly a whole year so yeah it's very likely that I might forget some important details but I'll try to get to my initial point anyways.

a few month ago when I decided to reread beast for a second time (after realising I hadn't paid much attention to it the first time) I came up with all these ideas of how and why Dazai decided to pair Akutagawa and Atsushi together.

again, this analysis is going to be a very real-life-based interpretation on the characters and the whole plot probably. so don't really pay much attention if I mix stuff from the light novels with stuff from the main plot bc the point is basically analyse why their relationship was built.

parting from the final scenes of the beast novel that end with Dazai telling Atsushi and Akutagawa that he needed to make them fight each other in order to protect the world he had created for Oda inside the book, I tried to tie a few ends that were hanging lose for a while in my head.

now, you can read this however you like (be it me being just stupid or whatever) but, ever since we got to see part of how Dazai treated Akutagawa back in the Port Mafia I kept finding myself going through the same problem over and over again to try and understand why the hell was he so fucking obsessed with making him physically stronger rather than, you know, actually focusing on training him as a whole good and worthy subordinate.

why did dazai, being as smart and manipulative as he is, made such a rudimentary mistake of only teaching akutagawa how to strengthen his ability if he knew the boy was a killing machine?

I think you can understand then why the part where Dazai makes them fight each other in beast was even MORE confusing to me...

but that's not all there is to it.

Dazai not only failed (?) to train Akutagawa but he did succeed in training Atsushi??

well, as much as we love to see a character growing and as much as you'd like to attribute it to him leaving the mafia, I don't really think that was the reason. after all, as I already said, Dazai is very smart and has always been, he probably already had it all planned back in the port mafia.

and here's where my galaxy brain starts to think.

right from the start, the whole Dazai's subordinates deal felt very strange and inconsistent to me. I never understood why would he loose so much for Akutagawa and obsess so much with pointing out the fact that Atsushi was better than him when he was no longer part of the PM therefore he supposedly shouldn't mind about wether Akutagawa was good bad or whatever.

it started getting very dense to me tbh but that's not important

enter beast, a world where Dazai can literally do almost anything he wants, and what does he do? the boy goes and straight up fucks up akutagawa and atsushi for the second time makes akutagawa and atsushi hate each other and hold the weight of the world in their hands. again.

ok this was getting VERY annoying, plus their fight was so so so painful to read that it literally made me wonder what was the point in forcing them to face their trauma in such a cruel way at a moment like that.

thankfully there was a reason... but it never clarified precisely WHY FIGHT EACH OTHER.

if Dazai never taught Akutagawa how to be a better and sharper person because he didn't really know how, that was not a problem in beast. because Oda was there to do it. Oda could have taught Akutagawa what Dazai lacked as a mentor.

then, if Dazai wanted Atsushi to protect the book, he could've literally ask him without any need to involve Akutagawa.

but then, the whole point of why Dazai took Akutagawa in the first time "in the original world" and the reason behind why he also took Atsushi would've been lost.

Dazai is, indeed, a mastermind.

he knows what's necessary to make a world where people like Oda can live and write. he knows, probably better than anyone, that god doesn't care about things like balance and harmony. that he'd have to create it himself.

after all, coherency is one of the rules of the book.

Akutagawa and Atsushi fail their mission against Fukuchi (probably at Aku's life cost) in the main plot because that happened in the same world where Oda and Gide die after fighting for the same goal. a world where only those who fight and have the talent will prevail.

Dazai knows very well that, in that world, balance and harmony will never exist.

that's why Dazai creates a new world instead, where Atsushi and Akutagawa never team up and try to kill each other instead. a world where they force each other to recognize their flaws and admit their mistakes, a world where they'll have to learn how to live on with it no matter what they want to protect the world.

protect the world by proving that both sides of the same coin can fit, that none is better than the other.

so yeah, basically, the events that take place in "the original world" are proof to Dazai that god doesn't care about good or evil, that the only ones that will prevail are those who fight for their right to live (and this also probably explains why Atsushi and Akutagawa will never win as long as they fight without acknowledging what they have in front of them).

therefore, he decides to create a world where Oda won't have to fight to live because Atsushi and Akutagawa will fight but won't have to kill each other to prove their existence. they'll simply accept that both sides of the coin can exist even if they're weak, afraid or bad and that will be enough to give birth to a new world order.

there's actually more than this. in fact, there are a lot of reasons why Akutagawa and Atsushi are important for each other despite Dazai's plans and the world's destiny. however, since it'd be too confusing to try explaining it all in the same post sooo I'll be leaving that for a 3rd part.

[spockandawe]

Hi.....if you don't mind me asking, what are your top 10 favorite books? And why? Sorry if you've answered this question before....

This is an interesting question, and a difficult one! Which is why I let it steep for a few days while I was in a bookbinding fugue, haha XD

I’m not sure I’ll be able to answer it, because my level of fondness is highly dependent on how recently I read a book/how many times I’ve reread it, with an optional nostalgia modifier if something made a huge impression in my youth. And when I’m picking favorites, as the number of potential [thing] expands, the more I end up dithering and fretting that I’m forgetting something HUGE as I choose. So rather than a selection of top ten, I’ll just run down through some of my favorites! I’ll split it as five cnovels (recent reads, current genre hyperfixation) and five more conventional english-language novel (realistically, probably more like series, unless a standalone book occurs to me), and I’m not going to rank the conventional novels.

SO. Regular novels first. There’s a heavy recently-read/frequently-reread element going on in here. 

The Imperial Radch trilogy, by Ann Leckie. Okay, I am a sucker for a nonhuman protagonist, which is going to pop up in at least two other entries. And I’m also a sucker for themes of what can be perceived about a person externally versus their internal world, and Breq delivers like WHOA. She has SO MUCH going on in her head, and even though we’re in there with her, she still hides lots of her emotions from us. And characters like Seivarden hit me in character development buttons that I’m a sucker for, and the whole idea of consciousness being split across multiple bodies is DELICIOUS to me. Also... love me a sentient spaceship. ‘The Ship Who X’ series by Anne McCaffrey isn’t going to make this list, but I also love it a lot. (also, a universe of ‘she’s made me realized how STARVED i was for that degree of representation in certain genres that i love a lot, but don’t often see myself in as often as i might like)

The Murderbot series, by Martha Wells. Another nonhuman, sometimes-human-passing protagonist! Another one processing MASSIVE trauma of a sort that I, the human reader, have to slow down a lot and try to comprehend from an extremely different life experience! I like that a lot, it really forces me to LINGER on the nature of what a character is feeling. And oh my god, Murderbot’s voice is one of my favorite pov voices of all time. And watching it work (or go hogwild on its own asdfdgd) is absolutely delightful. I love literally everything about this series, except what happened with Miki. Other than that? Flawless.

The Books Of The Raksura, by Martha Wells. Martha Wells is a DELIGHT, y’all. Also! Another heavily-traumatized, nonhuman protagonist! And this time, like... It’s a fantasy world with huge amounts of sentient species, and the protagonist grew up away from his people, who are basically a bunch of feral homesteaders (LOVE THAT), and is trying to figure out how to reintegrate into their societal structures as an adult. That desperate desire to belong and feeling of discomfort and not-fitting-in, and the connections he makes and the way he DOES find a way to fit... like if u crey every time. Also, as far as we’re shown, it’s a cheerfully bisexual, polyamorous society, and *grabby hands*

Discworld, by Terry Pratchett. God, what do I even say about this series. It was a PARADIGM SHIFT. It’s bitingly funny, and also just plain biting, and full of huge varieties of interesting stories, set in a fascinating world, with a series of protagonists who I love too much for words. Vimes! The witches! Moist!!! They’re all so WONDERFUL. I still haven’t read the last book in the series yet, because then it will be Over Forever, and I can’t deal. This one is heavily nostalgia-tinted, but also, I stand by it.

The Belgariad/Mallorean, by David Eddings. Okay. Also very nostalgia, and the choice I can justify the least. But these books CLICKED with me. I’m afraid to reread them, because I’ve been wallowing in queer fiction for so long I’m worried about what the compulsory heterosexuality will feel like, and I know both series are very... episodic, in a way that isn’t necessarily great literature. But I dunno! Feels good, man. It’s high fantasy with a magical system I like, segmented worldbuilding of a sort that isn’t necessarily WELL-MADE, but it’s like... comfortable and easy. And something about the style and the character voices just clicks with me. I have no idea how well these hold up in the present day, but I do love them, and I’ve been planning to reread at least The Redemption Of Althalus by the same author as a standalone before I commit to a 12-book rereading of this universe, but.... I like em XD

--

Cnovels! I think I can rank these, so let’s go for it.

Fifth favorite: The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish :B Look, it’s ridiculous. It’s a transmigration story where the lead enters this fictional universe in the body of a fish, where he is adopted by a prince who eventually falls in love with him, and YES IT IS TAGGED MPREG, BUT HOLD ON A MOMENT-- I don’t know! I came here to point and laugh, but I’m honestly having such a good time right now. It’s really cute! And sweet! The main character is delightful, and the love interest is that particular flavor of semi-socialized upper-class young man, where like, can he do court politics? yes. can he politely express his affections for the main character? uh....... less so. It’s a really fun read, and I felt very sincere emotions about this prince who is passionately, deeply in love with his pet fish!

Fourth favorite: Mmmmmm, Mo Dao Zu Shi, I think. I struggle here, because it is NOT an easy book to read or show to watch, but having consumed the story, I love it to PIECES. I know a big draw for me is the protagonist, specifically, and his relationships to the people around him. And the more I cared about him, the more I wound up caring about the people around him, who I’d kind of neglected before, if that makes sense? It’s a story that really rewards some good old pondering. I didn’t care that much about Lan Xichen, but then I started thinking about how Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji relate to Lan Xichen, and then oh no, I care SO MUCH about his emotions, and now I’m thinking more deeply about how Lan Xichen relates to Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue-- It does lose points in this ranking because it IS hard to get into, and I would struggle to keep everyone straight even more if I didn’t have the show visuals to lean on, but it is still story I enjoyed VERY much.

Third favorite: Erha, but I feel REALLY, REALLY BAD that I can’t fit Yuwu on this list too, and I just want to loop them together. It’s time travel fixit fic, but it’s the book! Yes????? I love this. I love the striking character growth we get to see, and the changing perception of the world as the main character relives through events he already experienced and sees things in a new light, and I adore how Mo Ran’s growing guilt goes hand in hand with his growing love. And Meatbun in general... like, my god. I haven’t read another author who’s able to yank me through emotional whiplash so hard and fast. She makes me hoot with laughter one moment and then burst into tears the next. It’s absolutely wild. I love mxtx, and I think svsss/tgcf are gentler entry points into the genre and deal with lighter themes, but meatbun is seriously an UNBELIEVABLE writer if you can deal with the darker topics she covers.

Second favorite: The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System :V Look, I love it. I just love it. I love, again, characters dealing with the aftereffects of old trauma, plus I do also love seeing NEW trauma piled on top of it. I love having a main character with emotional dysregulation issues who doesn’t necessarily make good decisions, but doesn’t just leave me thinking ‘jfc what an asshole’, and I think that’s a really hard balance for an author to strike, especially without us getting direct pov. I love themes of being wanted and insecurity about being wanted, which is Luo Binghe’s major, major damage. And this is my first transmigration story I ever read, and the contrast between a main character who read the novel telling us about what’s totally going to happen versus the ground shifting under his feet is INCREDIBLY delightful to me. I’ve read other transmigration stories I enjoyed, but none that got my attention quite as much as this one.

First favorite: Tian Guan Ci Fu ;u; It’s so good. It’s so well-made! It’s so LONG, and it meanders, but also, I would scream if anyone tried to trim anything out of it. I am here a lot for the ship, honestly, but I also find the plot themes VERY interesting. I am very much here for reading about characters trying to process old trauma that’s been dredged up by new events, and also very here for the themes about how characters either pass their traumas along to the next generation, or try to shield the next generation from taking the same kind of damage (see: mdzs). And I’m also very much into tempering stories about pain with like... memories of kindness, and small acts of kindness repaid with an outpouring of devotion (see: svsss). But the craftsmanship in this book is just... DIVINE. I’m always reluctant to start rereading this one, because I have a terrible time stopping. There’s nothing about this book that I don’t like.

[wistful-giselle]

Hello Giselle! I don't know if you have seen my two other asks, but I wan't try my luck three times. I hope you would answer this because I have no one to talk to. My days are very dull and dark, I am an aspiring writer/poet, people like us are made to love and be passionate...but these past few weeks I could not write my heart out. I am very heart broken, and the thought of being lonely kills me. I have been depressed, but what's more painful than sadness is the fact that you can't feel anymore and that is what I'm going through. Hope you advices to ease my pain and longing. As I mention that I am an aspiring writer, can you recommend me some steps and what to do to a procrastinating and chaotic mind like mine? My vocabulary is also not that good as English is not my first language, I hope that you can suggest me many words that reflect beauty and ethereal. And also poetry and books that can help my way out of this. My heart goes on to you, my sweet fairy💓💗 I really hope that you get to see this... :)

oh my love, I genuinely feel so heartbroken after reading this... I might cry... I am so sorry that I have not replied sooner; I very very rarely check my inbox and often asks get lost in the aether. I am deeply glad that you persisted though, I want to help as best I can. you write beautifully by the way- even with english not being your first language you are able to express yourself in a way that holds a lot of emotion and intensity. ♡

I understand loneliness; I understand being unfeeling. although, strangely, I feel that when I am so dissociated from the world, I write best. I simply write what I feel- I don’t try and make it ‘good’, or beautiful, just a reflection of what is happening within my mind or soul. even when one can’t feel anything, there is still something to encapsulate- a hollowness, an absence, a white, blank space or a dark, winding forest that can objectified and made less engulfing for being put into words.

as for some words that I feel are some of the most beautiful in the english language, they include for me:

♡ pearlescent, ephemeral, drowsy, moonbeam, languid, selkie, ethereal, mellifluous, enthralled, lull, ambrosia, translucent, lilting, twilight, enchanting, murmurous, dream, eglantine, wistful, aurora, reminiscent, dewdrop, seraphic, liminal, melancholy, faery, ineffable, haunting, sylph, enamoured, iridescence, lavender, spectre, eerie, luminescence, illicit, petrichor, perfumed, sublime, gossamer, lithe, ingenue ♡

as for books- I put so much of my faith and my heart in children’s books. it might have something to do with nostalgia, but I also believe that children’s books- especially older ones- are often so steeped in messages about light and love and generosity of the heart. and subtle, joyous threads of magic. my very favourites are ‘the little white horse’ by elizabeth gouge, ‘the secret garden’ and ‘the little princess’ by frances hodgson burnett, and ‘howl’s moving castle’ by diana wynne jones. when I find my mind to be ‘chaotic’ and unfocused, I know I can find solace in these books and others- there is a joy in rereading books over and over until reading them takes no effort at all, just like falling asleep or daydreaming.

if you, like me, are particularly drawn towards more ethereal and metaphysical elements of language, shakespeare is unparalleled- parts of ‘a midsummer night’s dream’, ‘the tempest’ and ‘romeo and juliet’ especially are truly, truly exquisite. similarly, there is some victorian and romantic poetry that is completely hauntingly beautiful. I adore ‘the lotos-eaters’ by tennyson, for instance, and absolutely anything by keats. I have been reading ‘to autumn’, of course, as it is late september- but I always return most of all to ‘ode to a nightingale’ when it comes to loneliness…

the passage where the monster is describing his flight in ‘frankenstein’ by mary shelley also makes me cry- it is also about loneliness, heartbreak, grief. and I feel so profoundly glad whenever I cry at a novel- it makes me feel human and connected to something and someone else and so relieves that ache of isolation. virginia woolf uses language in intricate and lovely ways too- ‘to the lighthouse’ and ‘orlando’ have such an innate musicality to them, they cut deep to what it is like to live and be alive. ‘jane eyre’ by charlotte bronte too, as well as ‘david copperfield’ by dickens and ‘adam bede’ by george eliot. they are long novels, and require patience and a little love, but perhaps finding a book like that might help relieve that ache for you too.

find a dream-like corner someplace quiet, light a candle, absorb yourself in someone else’s world and their troubles. please be kind to yourself, truly; you won’t feel like this forever. I promise you are not alone, and you may come and talk to me anytime, I promise I shall pay extra care to my inbox and private messages from now on. you have my sympathy and love and friendship if you need it angel ♡

[isaacdian]

hope you don't mind me asking, do you have any Isaac and Miria headcanons? i'd love to read some from you. you appear to have a good grasp on the characters, and great love for them. :)

aw thank you so much for the ask, sure thing!

some of these will probably get into theory territory as well, because i’ve had the novels sitting in my mind for years now, and there are a few details i’d like to mention (beware of baccano light novel spoilers, just in case).

this could get a bit long, so you can read it below the cut:

i’ll write my headcanons/thoughts in no particular order. more people might have come to similar conclusions, but i don’t think i’ve seen any posts or had any discussions with anyone regarding these (at least in depth), so!

- i like to think that miria and isaac ran away from their then (seemingly) unhappy lives after they got to interact with each other for quite a while, and not spontaneously upon meeting for the first time.

there isn’t much evidence to back this up beyond some characters commenting that they “were probably runaways” or that “maybe they eloped”, so they might have escaped together on the spot, since we already know they can be very impulsive. however, i get this feeling that their bond took some time to develop, and i’d love to see some of their interactions as isaac dian —and— miria harvent before they ever became isaac & miria, if that makes sense.

i doubt they met too long before their string of robberies, though? this is such a weirdly specific and probably meaningless thing to pinpoint, but in 1935 miria asks isaac if he’s ever been to the circus, and he responds that he does remember animals, but he doesn’t remember if that was the circus or the zoo. this hardly means anything, but their circumstances overall don’t really make me think that they’ve known each other since they were too young.

- whatever optimism and general exhilaration regarding life isaac has is innate. on the other hand, miria has mostly acquired her own sense of hopefulness over time, with isaac’s help.

miria is a 100% confirmed literal ray of sunshine and this indisputable. it just hasn’t/doesn’t always come to her as effortlessly as it may seem. bloody to fair isaac and miria magic show color page.png

this is somewhat related to the next one (and also the last point i’ll mention at the end of this post):

- when isaac gets arrested and he and miria get separated in 1934, they’re both having an equally hard time dealing with this.

okay this one is like. obvious ksjksk. but i wanted to talk about how they deal with this situation, because at first glance it looks like miria got the shortest end of the stick here. and in a way, that might be true! i’ve already mentioned that miria herself has been shown thinking about how much isaac helped her to be happy, and narita has been deliberately vague regarding the nature of their silliness, on top of hinting at the possibility of their shenanigans being a kind of mechanism to escape the harsh realities of life from the rolling bootlegs (very first novel), if i recall correctly.

(btw:

i recall that somewhere in the 1935 arc, graham starts talking with the usual “let me tell you a sad, sad story” prelude. however, isaac and miria are upset by this, and they tell him that he shouldn’t tell sad stories, because if you do it, your happiness will run away. meanwhile, this part in cloudy to rainy living rent free in my head:

i have to laugh..........)

that being said, i couldn’t help but feel like isaac was having an equally bad time, even if he displayed it in a different and not so blatant way. while i was rereading the novels after i got to buy the official english release, i felt very strongly that something was definitely wrong about their separation, which, again, is obvious to us readers and to the characters who know isaac & miria. but it extends beyond that. there was this general feeling of knowing that whoever came across an unaccompanied isaac would magically feel like there was something missing. i don’t know how else to explain this. he’s still full of energy and optimism and he’s fueled by his desire to reunite with miria, but every time he’s shown hesitating or doesn’t reach a satisfying conclusion while thinking about a frivolous topic, it hits you like “oh... right” (firo didn’t help much on that last front, either, so miria and isaac must have had to discuss what exactly happens to fellas who don’t believe in fairies after their reunion... lol)

in short, he needs miria just as much as she needs him. this is something i’ve seen other people mention as well: isaac might be the “force” factor in their relationship, but that force won’t amount to much without miria’s “direction”, and viceversa. the lift each other up, and they keep each other grounded, too.

i’m also remembering isaac and sham’s conversation and just. there’s a self-esteem/confidence factor in there. Fun Game of Spot the Difference

and this is getting ridiculously long, so i’ll spare you from having to read my dumb thots about isaac’s (possibly real) fear of miria not liking him, as the narrator implies, which i subconsciously ended up linking to that one impossibly crack ending in the ds game, where you pick the option of him not knowing frankenstein’s monster’s real name, so miria leaves him after realizing how “cheap and uncool” he is LMAO

- isaac’s father might have been an academic of some sort, as well as a stern man who disapproved of his son’s flighty and childish tendencies.

???????? besides miria’s implied tragic backstory, the most we know about both of their pasts is that isaac comes from a wealthy family with whom he seems to have a bad relationship with, so even though i’ve tried to work out other details (his parents’ provenance for instance?) i can’t really elaborate on this. even if isaac’s knowledge on the topic is pretty scrambled (to put it nicely lol), he knows a lot about “the orient” as he puts it, and the “dian” surname is pretty unique so who knows!👀 i’ve only mentioned his father because isaac, too, has only mentioned his "old man” twice so far in the novels, if i’m not mistaken. in my opinion, it also speaks volumes how flustered isaac got when molsa apologized to him, because it was the first time someone older than him has done this. and this is pretty arbitrary, but if isaac started robbing and getting into trouble before he and miria even met and/or before he got kicked out/ran away from home, that whole deal about “being used to dealing with policemen” (in the unofficial translation i read back in the day it was something along the lines of “this isn’t my first time being interrogated by the police”) in 1934 would make sense, i guess, considering that miria didn’t realize what was going on at the moment even though she’s a fairly perceptive person.

anyways it’s too bad we don’t know that much about miria on this front, also!! i get the vague feeling that she might have also come from a wealthy family (probably not a good environment, though), since in 1935 it’s mentioned that the closest they’ve ever gotten to working/having a job was when they were digging for gold, apparently. that’s why i can’t really think of anything too specific regarding miria’s past and upbringing... i have a feeling that she might have felt alone, trapped and/or overwhelmed. let’s just hope that when she said her bruises would heal up fine with ice in 1935 it had nothing to do with this “i should have died” business :(((

- even though isaac and miria love their friends and would do anything for them, they aren’t particularly attached to anyone (or any place) besides each other.

this is more of an observation than a headcanon, but i find it really interesting: they would definitely do anything for their friends, and they do enjoy life very intensely, but that’s precisely why they don’t seem to be fixed in one singular spot? basically, i feel like they’re the personification of “home is where the heart is” taken to the extreme. they could go anywhere and do anything as long as they have each other, and they will never make any attempts to actively do things that make it easier to label their relationship, such as getting married, which is heavily implied by firo (i think) in 2002 bullet garden (i think!!). that’s also part of the reason why i’m sure they’d never find themselves commiting to things like taking care of a pet, or a child; it’s more like they instantly “adopt” everyone they run into, as if they’ve always been friends, even if they won’t meet again for months, years, or ever again. anyway, isaac and miria are extremely good and they are literally going to be happy together forever and ever! they don’t need to prove that.

that doesn’t mean they’re not sentimental, though! i like to think that they keep some meaningful objects that remind them of fond memories of their friends. and this is hardly canon because it shows up in the anime And in a background at that, but shoutout to the rocking toy horse in their california mine lol.

- miria knew about her own immortality (as well as isaac’s) before the 2000s.

THIS IS PROBABLY MY SPICIEST TAKE and i tried to back it up in the next point of this list. i still keep thinking i’m reading too much, into this but

i can’t stop thinking about the implications, folks

which brings us to:

- miria is smarter than isaac is and actually has a fairly good idea of when he’s making stuff up, but is happy to let him take the lead.

i won’t deny that isaac and miria dedicate a huge chunk of their day to doing moronic stuff, and they are pretty dumb, but i feel like people don’t give them enough credit for how perceptive they are. even though that’s true of the two of them, i feel like this mostly applies to miria.

among other things, we’ve learned that she knows ronny isn’t human and has supernatural powers (wow), which is why she comes to him for help after isaac’s arrest. she’s very good at paying attention to small details, such as the kind of programs ennis watches on tv, or chané’s feelings, when the two talk in 1934. miria also “really knows her way around japanese” and has been shown to --apparently?-- multiply large numbers in her head in 1935... while isaac was talking about how good of an idea it would be to use the martingale betting system. not to mention how isaac stated he “doesn’t know how to count money” earlier in this arc. my god ksdjgjks. i want to know what’s up with this, if anything.

so, yeah! there’s probably more stuff that i could mention, but i am exhausted lol. thank you for your patience anon, i have no idea how long this has been sitting in my inbox. always happy to get baccano questions <3 i apologize for any typos/errors and the like.

bonus headcanon: miria grabs ennis with one hand and chané with her other hand and they go out with their arms linked and excited and they learn more about having fun, as friends do. no printer just fax

[eijunes]

hello helloooooooo!!!!! firstly: there will not be any butt-kicking on my watch lol. i just know tumblr is an ass sometimes and eats asks and it's esp tricky with this anonymous business. i'm glad you did get it! o(≧▽≦)o

you mentioned your week last week would be super busy, so i hope that went well! learning japanese seems super cool omg; it's great you get to learn in person again😁 how long have you been studying it??

those pastries look AMAZING! i hope you were able to eat a bunch!

i've been reading blue period myself and i adore it. so good!! ohhhhh komi-san is great!!! it isn't super plot heavy tbh but it's a very very pretty slice-of-life and the characters are cute— i recommend giving it a try! and kny s2 starts properly in a couple weeks let's gooooooooo

thank you for the well-wishes for the exam😘 i think it went decently well~

question time! who are a few of your favorite characters/scenes/ships?? and what colors do you like?

have an amazing week!💕— animanga secret santa

hello dear!! ufff thank you, my butt is safe 😅 yeah, it was a bit hectic but at least now I'm almost free for a few days 💛 although the days keep getting colder and darker so it’s hard to find energy to do anything productive ;;

it's not exactly in person cause we have classes online but at least it's with other people! it's a bit funny cause I don't know anything about the people in my group except for their names and their voices 😅 I've been learning for over 2 years but most of this time I only studied kanji by myself and avoided grammar so I can't say that I'm very far ahead. but it’s satisfying to be able to read at least something when a new chapter of my mangas drop and they are not translated yet!

I actually started watching kny for the first time recently. I’m only 5 episodes in but maybe I’ll be able to catch up soon!

fav characters and ships, let’s see. this year I fell back into bungou stray dogs after a little break and it's honestly 99% of my brain these days 😅 I love everyone there but dazai and atsushi the most, separately and together. dazatsu is not the most popular ship but they are so sweet and give me so much comfort, idk what I’d do without them in this strange year 💛 who else... vanitas and noé from vanitas no carte, killua and gon from hxh, rather platonically but they are the best duo, I like so many characters in haikyuu but probably hinata, kageyama, oikawa and atsumu the most. hak and yona from akatsuki no yona. I have a very soft spot for no.6, I rewatched the anime last year and reread the light novels it was based on and I love the story and the characters so much. I hope this gives you a little idea about the mess in my head 😄 what are some things you are into? 

for colors, I like soft pastels and strong black the most! you can probably see if you go through my gifsets haha, but don’t worry about it, I’d love to see anything you make in your style! 💛