#seeing my psychiatrist in the morning! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fridaysvalentine · 10 months

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just watched barbie and now i need to hug my mom and never let go and ask my sisters to play barbies with me like we’re little again and find acceptance within myself that growing up and being a girl is impossible to deal with and just find that peace and love for myself in every small part in every part of life. or just go to bed

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dullahandyke · 5 days

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life is so good and awesome peace and love on planet earth

#my plans r that im probs gonna go shopping tomorrow bcos i need a few bits in town #need to try out sports bras n then also stock up on vitamins and see if they have a pill box w more than 2 daily compartments #plus itll b nice to walk around a bit after pretty much living in my apartment w only corner store trips for the past couple days #and then the day after that i need to go 2 my parents house bcos ill b out of ritalin and i left the rest there #and ill chill all weekend bcos my next essay isnt until the 20th so i can afford it #and then on monday morning i have a phone call w my psychiatrist (!!)#so ill probably be at my parents house for that #and then try and go back to my apartment. itd b nice to do it in the morning-ish but idk if anyone could drive me 2 the bus stop #so itll probs b in the evening #and then once im in my apartment again ill try get cracking on the essay!!!#i know my '1.5k essay in a day' skillz r likely more a response to deadlines than a skill i can enact at will #but like. ill try and enact it #one of the essay prompts is talking abt a local museum exhibit so i might go do that itd b nice to go to the museum #take the day go to the whole museum and take notes on the specific section and let myself think for a little bit #and then do the essay the next day #and then ill b fucking done for the whole summer!!!! yippee #well there'll be assorted miscellanea needs to get done but whatever. final assignment home free #yayyyyy yippee life so nice and fun. i needed this #gonna finish changing my bedsheets and then do my dishes and get myself some ice cream and then just chill!#ough hang on i can kinda feel myself crashing after my meal. tired again. goddammit. hopefully this is temporary #anyway erm yay yippee things looking up for eimear

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just #feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives #function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty #god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student #so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self #destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure #rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done #but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry #and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen #ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i #didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there #i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a #wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo.#idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues?#i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell #unrelated

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e77y · 20 days

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Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)

Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh

The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)

All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!

ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more

^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls

Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.

#vent #cw vent #rant #delete later #<- like tomorrow morning I’m shre #usually I delete stuff like this immediately but I’ll try to keep it up #was talking to my mom earlier about OCD and intrusive thoughts and whatnot….#she definitely has it too. like undoubtedly #her intrusive thoughts and compulsions sounded exactly like mine #which sucks for me bc my dad ALSO definitely has OCD (in a more outwardly recognizable way) so! wahoo! double whammy #just feeling kinda defeated about mental health stuff #I feel like it’s never gonna get better #I need to go to therapy or a psychiatrist or SOMETHING #it’s been like 4 years now since I was originally supposed to go lol #and I keep putting it off out of fear (I think)#my friends (irls) have all been getting diagnoses and prescriptions lately #which is exciting for them but :( idk. I feel like there’s no way to medicate whatever I’ve got going on except SSRIs????#and I don’t really want that #mostly though I’m just scared of going back to therapy or to a psychiatrist bc I think they’ll think I’m lying or crazy or whatever #which sounds stupid when I write it out but idk #I should probably keep a journal but when I’m only writing for my own eyes I just kinda wallow in it and write concerning poetry lol #I like journaling in a way other people can see (even if y’all DON’T like seeing it lmaoooo) bc it makes it feel more real?#and out of my head.. concrete etc.#wackyposting #<- seriously need to change that tag still lol

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frasermints · 7 months

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how's winter north of the 46th going?

i just broke my sobriety streak, so. about that well!

#it's fine #this is supposed to come off like a joke you can laugh #i see my psychiatrist wednesday morning #my mom is here and i am Safe™#it's literally just a 5% cider but it feels like the most immense failure in the world (and it is) however #it is fine and streaks can be restarted #my post

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collecting--stardust · 5 months

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Posted to female oncology ward for these two weeks and all I can say is cancer is cruel but amidst that pain and sorrow, you can really see true love in that ward

#saying this in light of one of my group's fav patient that passed away after my shift last morning #shes in her early 30s and was a teacher and was diagnosed with breast cancer that metastases to lung and cervical lymph nodes #she was weak since she was admitted last week and usually just sleep but shes so nice every time we administered medication to her #or even when we check her vital signs despite how tired she was #her husband is a teacher too and as of late hes there every day as her condition deteriorated #apparently she wanted to undergo chemotherapy but her first cycle led to some severe side effects so her doctor doesn't allowed it #when we read the case note before clocking out the shift yesterday theres a psychiatrist entry so yeah #her husband was just caressing her hands as she slept yesterday and he looks obviously pained when my friend asked what had she eaten #because we need to fill the intake output chart and yeah she was unable to eat much anyway #it was very sad to see her husband wiping his tears silently by her bedside #and then we came to the ward this morning to find out she had passed away and there was a discharge note on her case note #apparently she supposedly will be discharged today so that she will be able to go at home #turned out she left first..#it rained the whole morning today and it kind of summarizes the mood of our group members this morning #it was sad obviously but when i think about it you can really see how much her husband really cared for her until the end #i hope he will be able to heal and that may her soul rest in peace #personal.txt

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teruthecreator · 1 year

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when the bipolar depression is bipolar depressioning👍

#in neg city #mannnn i just feel like i’m getting worse. actually it’s not a feeling i Know i’m getting worse #i can’t keep up w anything i’m becoming more antisocial my sleep schedule is completely wrecked beyond repair #and i just feel like my meds aren’t doing anything like my mood stabilizers aren’t doing shit i don’t feel anymore motivated or energized #or excited for my life or anything at all. i’ve just been feeling steadily worse and worse and idk how to stop it #and it’s gonna be rlly annoying talking to my psychiatrist and telling her that No the meds Still aren’t working #and she’s probably gonna bump me up to 100mg instead of taking me off of it and trying something else entirelt #and therapy is becoming more annoying than it is helpful bc i just do not wanna talk abt what’s wrong anymore it makes me feel worse #and there’s bugs in my brain that i see and i feel even tho they aren’t there i feel like they are and it’s uvhhhhhh -__-#whatever. 3 AM posting existential as hell i’ll be fine in the morning #or at least i won’t be as whiny #anyways goodnight everyone that’s the end of my late night michposting

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cheesey-rice · 1 year

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Unmedicated until my higher dose of Ritalin comes in the mail and I forgot how much this sucks 😓

#like i can see how the lifestyle improvements i made before really do help #but its also like When im trying to sit down and organize somehiw i end up planning to fake my own death #like yes i can get up in the morning go on a run and get to class which i was never able to do b4 seeing a psychiatrist #but when i get home i still cant sit down and do just one thing without getting distracted by other stuff #ugh gonna go make lists now hopefully #personal

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 year

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I woke up at a reasonable time (8:45am) went to the coffee shop, got some work done on an important project, then called the psychiatrist office AND the bank. All in less than three hours. Who am I? When did a neurotypical ghost possess me? And can it stay forever?

#a maintenance guy was coming to fix my ceiling this morning between 9 and 11am #i didnt want to be here waiting around for that #it gives me anxiety to have a stranger in my apartment at the same time as me #so i woke up before he got here and went to the coffee shop until 11:15 #then i had coffee in me and i was already on a productive roll #so i called my psychiatrist. because i havent been there in a year. so they wont refill my meds until i book another appointment #fuck my psychiatrist. but i need my meds. and i want to ask her about starting with a therapist #but the earliest appointment i could get was March. so.#then i already had my phone out and had made a call so i decided to call the bank #because my debit card jas been missing for weeks now #and my online banking locked me out #so i had to get all of that straightened out sooner rather than later #first thing she asked when i said i lost my card was 'did you look for it?'#no maam. i looked in my wallet to see my debit card wasnt there and i promptly called you /s #yes i looked for my card before i had to go through the horrors of a phone call #but i should be getting a new card sent soon and i unlocked my online banking and i scheduled a psych appointment #damn. the maintenance guy should come more often. it made me do shit #im also doing all of this on about four hours of sleep #and im lucky i got that sleep #took some Vyvanse. last time i took it it kept me up for 28 hours. this time i was able to force myself to sleep at a reasonable time #gonna go take a shower now. isnt that wild. im gonna shower too after all of that

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spacebell · 2 years

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On Tuesday I went to talk to the faculty to have more time to turn in my thesis and the director (who I had class with before and is so very nice) asked me if I was ok

#i was trying not to cry #but he has so helpful and now i have more time #i need to remind myself that the faculty (or at least the ones I have interacted with) are the sweetest most helpful people I have met #bc if I forget I will be terrified of asking for help #i didn’t cry that day #i might cry on Friday bc my mom leaves on Saturday morning #and i do want to go home but I also want and need to finish this thing first #also I need to talk to my therapist again #and my mom talked to her a few days ago bc I was a mess and she recommended maybe seeing a psychiatrist #so there’s also that #mariana.txt

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tardis--dreams · 2 years

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Lord grant me the strength to call my psychiatrist's office to ask for a new prescription tomorrow

#it's my last chance before the last quarter of the year starts #because on Wednesday my psych isn't in the office and i don't wanna see that bitch so i have to call #tomorrow morning so i hopefully can pick if up by noon #i just don't wanna call and talk to the receptionist #they probably don't even remember that i canceled my appt for September and rescheduled for December #and idk why i even care since it's none of their business if i cancel or reschedule #but i still feel like they judge me or whatever #or like they will ask why i rescheduled if i can pick up prescriptions #none of that will happen #but my brain can't let go of that idea #anyway #i just wish i could get my meds from somewhere else #i hate psychiatrists and the system of psychiatry #still #i want the meds #but in order to get them i have to comply with the system and come in to talk to her every few months #which is ridiculous since it's usually 2 minutes of her asking 'how's uni?' 'when do we see each other again'#and then she gets 80 euros for that (infuriating)#(don't get me wrong i don't want her to ask anything else. even if i was genuinely struggling i would never tell that to a psych again #but it's the fact she gets 3 times as much as other doctors who actually Do something #(sorry not the point. i just really hate psychiatrists lol)#shut up amy

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eevachu · 2 years

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Life just kinda sucks lately, but at least my antidepressants seem to be working because I haven’t been… bad about it like I would’ve been in the past. I never know where to talk about this stuff because I’m still working on getting a therapist; tumblr just feels like the right place. Like sitting under an old tree in a quiet graveyard.

#my grandma who helped raise me died and i caught covid so i couldn't go see her #and i'm sad about it but i'm not catatonic and guilt-ridden about it which is weird #every emotion for my whole life felt so BIG; both bad AND good #now they're still there just smaller #i've got a follow up with my psychiatrist tomorrow and i'm mulling it all over but not stressing #anxiety ruined my life so many times and i'm glad i'm on the road to stopping it from ever doing that again #i'm living and that's what matters even if i'm desperately sad while i do so i'm still living #my sleep is FUCKED tho omg #and i'm still fucked up from covid lbr #chu rambles in the tags #sad girl bummer summer #just chu things #might delete in the morning #idk just needed to pace back and forth on the sidewalk of the internet muttering to myself for a bit

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polskasroka · 2 years

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Ah, do you want to know what my fav type of men is?

The unavailable ones.

#yes i'm whining abt this issue once again #even tho i haven't shared it w y'all before #the only thing that makes me believe that i'm not a lost case #is the fact that my mum says that i'm attracted to men whom i can't have #bc my mind is not ready for an engagement called having a bf #i choose to believe her she's a psychiatrist so she must know better than i do #but seeing the guy almost every day has never helped too much yet here i am #itself the past 10pm post where i think that life's miserable #i'll be over it in the morning #vent #my post #*that i'm not a lost cause #*it's the past 10pm post

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wheremermaidsdwell · 2 years

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Just not so quietly freaking out at work because guess who learned about arfid today and it explains all my eating weirdness

I already knew I was hovering towards disordered again this is like. The worst.