#self discussion

[clever-fox-studios]

Saw @garbagechocolate post one and realized I had enough art to actually do one of my own! (also artist ramble/struggle journey/discussion/new years thingy below the cut if you care to read that sort of stuff)

It was a good year, and not just that but a productive one for me for art. For the longest time, I rarely finished pieces because I simply lacked the enjoyment or satisfaction of getting it done.

I spent a lot of time between 2018 and 2022 stuck in the "no one likes my art, why bother" spiral and when I saw others drawing always, all the time, and loving it I realized I lacked a certain passion for my own work. I was very jealous of so many artists, not because of skill, as I knew I had the technical ability to draw very well...

But because I didn't know how to draw for myself, and stayed in what I knew. I stagnated myself due to depression I didn't recognize was actually depression. I wondered and marveled at how anyone could draw their own content so obsessively--that others cared and loved to see their stuff--because I lacked that feeling myself; I actively hated my own content--my own OCs--at times. I couldn't draw to be "trendy", but also couldn't draw what I wanted; my soul was dark, and struggling financially wasn't helping. I told myself I lacked time, lacked money, lacked this and that to make excuses rather than just be gentle with myself.

Once in a while I got a flurry of energy, but it always snuffed out just as quickly as it came, and so the next dry spell came.

Then, I got a job. A good job. A well-paying, consistent job that I felt safe in, got back on my feet, and lost two of my excuses. Suddenly, I had a schedule, and I had my bills paid; I had a job that I couldn't easily lose to the next monkey in line if I underperformed.

I felt just a little bit safer.

Yet I still didn't have that passion. Instead of stress on it, though, since I wasn't dragging at the unfeeling internet to buy my art to pay my bills anymore, I felt less pressure to try and grind (I was bad at it anyway) and so I was finally, finally able to relax. Recover.

Heal.

And then, Security Breach came out.

I've always been a FNAF fan--OG first game train, let's gooooooo--yet I didn't do anything in the fandom; but Security Breach was... different. Generally I avoid actively engaging with fandoms because I simply don't have the time or patience, but now, I did.

I wanted to enjoy it--enjoy the weird spin off content it created, at least a bit. I started an AU of my own. However, I still wasn't quite... 'there'. The true passion was only flickering embers in a dirty, worn out hearth.

So, early 2023, I indulged myself. I told myself "cringe is dead and I deserve to be happy". I collected Tiktoks, made OCs again, and just let myself have fun. I cleaned out the fireplace like Sophie in the Moving Castle.

I joined a fan server of a SB spin off series I enjoyed at the time. Some of you might know which one by the art, recognizing the pieces or my name.

I immersed myself in a fandom for a short time. I let myself be weird, happy, indulgent...

And suddenly, I was free.

I spoke to fellow artists inside and outside the server, helped younger artists with their fundamentals, drew fanart not for money but for love of the content, made fanfics and stories, revisited my AU I'd been chipping away at off and on... I remembered how I loved drawing to draw, to spread joy and support, not for money. I remembered how to create, not just make. Gained confidence in my choices and ability to write and layer characters.

Learned to love them with their flaws instead of hate them for just existing because they weren't "good enough".

I started to enjoy my own things again, and how to embrace being self-indulgent. To draw what I wanted because I want it, not because it was needed or expected. To take risks, be experimental again--to lean into my strengths of what my art is rather than force it to what I think it should be.

I also came to terms with the fact that, despite what my mind was trying to tell me, I was not a bad person at heart. I was cringy and cared a lot, sure, but drawing for myself wasn't selfish, wanting to be self-indulgent wasn't toxic--that I, fundamentally, was an imperfect person but that didn't mean I was bad or evil. Wanting validation for my effort wasn't wrong, but how I went about it before was detrimental to me.

"Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source."

I took uncle Iroh's words to heart for the first time and worked to curbed my own ego, which had been the source of my artistic ennui (thanks Inside Out 2, for giving me that word) the entire time. By stepping toward the the edge where my pride had been holding me back, I realized I was not on the top of some great cliff where everyone could look up at me, but rather on a plateau no more impressive than a welcome mat on a porch. I had to accept I had quit climbing and settled in order to find the reason to climb again; once I stopped feeling like it was a race or competition to vie for attention from others, I could pace myself, avoid the exhaustion that had landed me on that plateau to begin with, and accept that I will reach the top when I'm ready, not when I think I should.

Now, at the end of 2023, I am basking in the satisfaction of having enjoyed myself, my art, in a way that healed me. Stopped me from despising my "talent".

I got to enjoy a few hours of going micro-viral on tiktok for Christmas, because I made something I actually wanted to make--something I cared about enough to share. It was unexpected, unplanned, but getting to see those numbers shoot up for something so small was like a stamp from the universe that proved what my best friend has been telling me all these years that my ego refused to latch onto.

"People can tell when you care about what you make, and when it's soulless trend fuel."

So, in conclusion, thank you.

Thank you, @quilandscroll for putting up with me and my dumbass artist ego all these years.

Thank you, Security Breach, for being the spark that reignited my rebirth as an artist, and to all the funny little blorbos I've met and talked to because of that fandom.

And thank you Sun and Moon, the silly, lanky bois that took that spark and turned it into a beacon with which I could navigate my own darkness with; for creating a safe space where I could be 13 again and just embrace my weirdness without fear of punishment.

2024 will hopefully be a big year as well. My goals are to learn to animate on Clip Studio and be comfortable with the system, to get the assets and refs prepped, and to release the first part of Legacy.

I want to share this project.

I want to bring inspiration and joy to the fandom that saved me from myself.

Oh, and if any of this sounded familiar or relatable to you...

I see you, and I love you.

See you all in 2024.

[bluerosefox]

Over Tea

A sudden chill sweeps through Gotham, almost like Mr. Freeze had just attacked only thing was the man was currently locked away in Arkham, and was felt by all. And talked by all via word of mouth and on social media as well.

The clouds and smog that covered their dark city shifted and swirled, a rumble beginning deep inside them as the weather turned from smoggy to rain and thunder with no real warning. The strangest thing was the green glow that could be seen when thunder rumbled inside the gray clouds.

Then like a candle being blown out, the rumbling stopped, the rain ended, and the clouds parted all over Gotham.

For the first time in a while Gotham had a clear sky and it felt... it felt like something heavy had been lifted off the city.

It was this sudden shift and the all felt chill that had set off alerts for Batman and his family. Since early morning since the first change and shift happened he was in front of the Batcomputer trying to narrow down where it started.

After hours of searching with the help of Red Robin, Oracle and strangely enough Red Hood, they managed to narrow down where the odd power had been coming from.

Was still coming from, only very low.

The old and abandoned observatory tower.

-x-x-

"More ecto-tea Lady Gotham?" Danny asked, his hand waving towards the steaming pot nearby.

The woman smiled lightly, her dark painted lips curling up to show her sharp fangs for a moment before saying "No but thank you Young Kingling though I would like more cookies if you don't mind. Now where were we?"

Danny nodded towards her and signaled towards a maid skeleton ghost who walked forward with a tray of cookies. The maid swiftly placed a few more cookies on the spirit embodiment of Gotham plate before bowing and stepping away.

"We were just about to discuss the sentience of the Court of Owls." Danny said as he lightly tapped the large almost mountain of paperwork on the table they were sitting at, floating high above the floor as shooting stars and planets drifted around them. Many ghosts floated around as well, servants that had sworn their loyalty to the Young King, and were preparing things like snacks and drinks for two powerful beings in the room as they discussed business. Nearby doors and windows though were ghostly knights that stood tall and alert, making sure no interlopers interrupted the meeting taking place and ready to defend not only Lady Gotham but their King.

"Ah yes them." Lady Gotham grimaced as she took a drink of her ecto-tea. "That will take some time for us to discuss, they've been running around unchecked for to long and even with my limited abilities to hinder them has been less than ideal."

"You, Lady G, were deeply cursed for many, many years and I just broke most of it." Danny cut in quickly, he was not about to let this wonderful and powerful city spirit blame herself for something out of her hands "Due to said curse you couldn't do much so please don't go blaming yourself. Its mostly broken now, so you can freely start healing yourself and your city self now that jerk demon that cursed you is in Walker's prison for his crimes."

Lady Gotham grew silent for a moment, her dark eyes staring deeply at the young King but then warmly smiled, well as warm as she could seeing how she was Gotham itself. "You reminded me of my Knight, Young King, treating me like this. Not afraid to point out the truth and facts."

Danny gave a light laugh as he took a hold of one of the cookies on his plate and gave a bite "I'll take that as a compliment Lady Gotham. Now about those Court of Owls...."

[spitblaze]

The thing you need to remember about Tumblr discourse is that like 70% of it does not matter off of this specific website and even less of it matters once you get off the internet

[stromer]

“He’s improved his eating habits, he’s reading a book almost weekly to try to improve his brain… I know that sounds silly, but as a captain at 23, that motivates you, that motivates our group… He’s the engine for our team" — Conor Garland Quinn Hughes via the Dropping Gloves podcast

[vasito-de-leche]

;R1999 - Self-Aware AU

Headcanons about an Alternate Universe in which everyone knows they're living inside a videogame. However, Vertin is the only one aware of the entity inhabiting her own mind, the real conductor - the "Player".

this is one of my favorite AUs to slap on whatever media I'm into so here we are <3 not sure if anyone's done this already, but PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE link me if you've seen any other ppl write for this AU! this one and any actor AUs are my absolute fave

this is just a word vomit introduction for fun, to get the basic ideas out of my head, so I can start writing for characters individually!

Okay, okay! First of all, some context for the AU before I go deranged overexplaining my HCs!

Aside from the "Storm", there is something else that haunts the people of this world: the fact that their lives are nothing but a simulacrum, part of a game.

The requirements to obtain this "self-awareness" is unknown. Those within the Foundation believe it's related to their respective "roles", that only the main and relevant characters are given the chance to fully open their eyes to the truth. Those within Manus Vindictae claim that one must be strong enough to break through the fog of complacency and their assigned scripts, to have their full potential unleashed and obtain true liberation. Either way, similar to the "Storm", this is a well-kept secret for a very good reason - everyone wants to have the upperhand.

There is one outlier to this whole system. Vertin is not only aware of the truth of this world, but also of her duty as the eyes and hands of the "Player". She must experience it all for their sake. Or rather, whatever she experiences will be the story that the Player will see.

This applies to her suitcase, the place where the Player's influence increases tenfold, bending everything and everyone to their will through her own body and voice. The longer one stays within her suitcase - or within her general vicinity - the easier it is for them to become self-aware.

How does one become "self-aware" and what does it entail?

The requirements and the catalyst for a character to become self-aware are still a mystery. But that's mostly because I specifically wanted to keep them as vague as possible, to allow some flexibility for NPCs and other characters outside of Vertin's suitcase.

The whole process of gaining sentience or self-awareness is mostly described as waking up from a nightmare, or a very, very realistic dream. It's like a switch, something that happens in a second without any warnings whatsoever.

I like to think that most of the people who wake up are easy to spot, because it's a jarring experience and panicking is the most normal reaction - but that they're often taken care of by the Foundation or recruited by Manus Vindictae.

The levels of awareness also depend heavily on each individual - some only know that nothing is truly real, that everything they've done up until that point was just a carefully scripted lie, the most basic realization. Others can understand the rules that govern this game and use them to their advantage, either through observation and study or just inherently.

Overall, the experience of being sentient varies as well, with some describing a disconnect from their body, while others feel exactly the opposite. Again, keeping it pretty vague so that people can fill in with their own ideas!

I'll talk about Vertin's case in detail when we get to her specific bullet point, but the same way the Player is able to experience the "story" through her eyes, she's able to see the same things they do - this includes the UI, the menus and everything you can interact with in-game.

Vertin as a character and a vessel for the Player.

The most common thing I've seen in self-aware AUs in my years of fandom is to turn the player stand-in (the main character that serves for the player to experience the story through and/or project onto, depending on the genre of the game) into an obstacle, one that keeps the characters from truly interacting with the Player, capital P.

The second most common thing I've seen is to simply ignore the existence of this player stand-in and replace it with the Player themself, either through isekai methods or thanks to the customization the game allows, etc etc.

When it comes to Vertin in this AU, I know I want her to retain her role as the center of everything, instead of being sidelined by the Player. She's THE Timekeeper, after all.

There's still some details I'm trying to iron out, like whether she's always been self-aware or if she became self-aware at some point during her childhood at the St. Pavlov Foundation. But I like to think that her relationship to the Player is a parallel to her immunity to the "Storm" - neither of these two things are inherently good nor bad. Surviving the "Storm" is helpful, sure, but it's painful for her. Having an entity like the "Player" haunting her is scary, sure, but it can be an advantage. It's a matter of how she utilizes the assets she was given, since her adaptability and determination are big aspects of her character. Vertin makes up for her mediocre arcane skills with unconventional plans and strategies.

But this isn't to say that Vertin isn't affected by the presence of the Player. Ironically, she's the one person whose freedom is limited. During battles, her skills and Tuning are available to you, they can also prove to be vital to win a fight, but in the end you're still the one calling the shots and choosing when her friends get to attack. You're the one choosing the layout of the Wilderness. You're the one picking which one of her friends deserves to become stronger.

In the last bullet point I mentioned that some characters can understand the rules of the game - Vertin is the most extreme case, as she can see the same UI as you do. She learns the way you like to fight your battles, your own strategies, she can see this and more.

Overall it's a very complex dynamic. It's not as easy as saying that she likes or dislikes you, that she considers you a friend or foe. You're part of her, you influence each other in many aspects and are stuck together for reasons she can't even fathom. While you may be able to read her thoughts most of the time, she becomes invisible once you enter the suitcase - the main menu of the game. Sure, the character you selected to greet you every day is actually talking to her, not you, but she's out of your view and therefore, out of our range. That's when Vertin wonders the sort of person that you are, if you care about her friends as much as she does. Are you playing just to be entertained? Are you invested in these events? Will you be there for her until the end of her story?

Another detail I like to think about is that Vertin is the only one who knows your name. Because at the very beginning, you were asked to input a name and she was there.

[screenshot was taken from this video, since it's the first one I could find that showed this specific part of the game lol]

Well, "your name" not quite right - she knows that whatever you wrote there is the name linked to your account, at least. And that's the name she knows you as.

Those who take residence in Vertin's suitcase or spend prolonged amounts of time with her, growing closer to her and all, end up becoming self-aware. This is a direct side-effect of your presence.

I like to think that characters who reach the 100% Bond can begin to sense the Player, to see the world in a similar way as Vertin does. Maybe even feel their presence EXACTLY like Vertin does whenever there's a battle. There is someone else on the other side of this screen, the fourth wall, who watches over them.

To some, it's hard to differentiate Vertin from the Player, as they just go hand in hand - but Sonetto, for example, has the easiest time telling the two apart.

On the subject of freedom and acting out of script.

The Foundation, Manus Vindictae, Laplace... It doesn't matter if they're self-aware and acting outside of what their script dictates, because they're missing one key ingredient: you. No one else but Vertin and her group knows about your existence, after all.

They don't know that the only story that matters is the one that Vertin is part of. The one that the Player gets to see and read and experience. And because the game gives you a very limited view into the lives of these characters, you don't know what neither Arcana nor Constantine do behind the scenes. You and Vertin don't see that, therefore, it never truly mattered.

Those most likely to start "acting out" are the troublemakers within Vertin's suitcase. Characters who are too curious for their own good, who are more susceptible to supernatural entities, who are just too impulsive - they would start to test the limits and see how far they can go, how much they can interact with the Player. Can the game be broken should they end up shattering the fourth wall? Is there a way for the Player to communicate with them? What will happen to Vertin?

I like to think that Vertin probably supports this, as she's rather curious herself, prone to questioning everything. She would also like to learn more about the Player, to truly tear into the game and see the full extent of your influence and her freedom.

Sometimes, Regulus and X will change their usual voicelines, just enough to be noticeable if one pays enough attention. Characters like Sotheby or Leilani might slip up and address the Player, rather than Vertin. Lilya, Pavia, Bkornblume have new animations and different expressions, ones you've never seen before - they stare ahead, as if searching for something, and then smirk or hum to themselves, deep in thought, like they realized something you're not privy of.

Sometimes, if you leave them as your selected assistant on the main menu, you can catch them muttering to themselves - idle quotes you never heard enough, about the outside world. Diggers does this the most, it's almost embarassing how easy it is to catch him talking nonsense, followed by Sonetto. If you leave Medicine Pocket alone for too long, you might come back to a screen covered in weird scratch marks.

On the subject of these characters being curious about the outside world and all, I think that a good chunk of them are generally content with the way things are?

We have to remember that in-universe, they're arcanists displaced from their respective eras. Their best chance at surviving is siding with Vertin, and if Vertin is content with the way things are, then there's no point in trying to disrupt what they have right now. They're curious enough to prod, but only as far as Vertin allows it.

And I think that's it for the word vomit!

There are some details I didn't know where to fit in, like the possibility of the fourth wall slowly dissipating the more time the Player invests in the game, leading to some characters being able to directly hear you if you talk while playing and whatnot. Or what would happen should someone outside of Vertin's suitcase figure out the existence of the Player, let alone interact with you in some way.

Or the concept of death being meaningless, unless it was pre-established by the game itself.

In Borderlands, there's this game mechanic where you can just be revived over and over and pay a percentage of your money as a fee, even though the canon that's established is that you play through the whole story without dying a SINGLE time - because the revival mechanics aren't canon. There's the divide between story and gameplay. That's pretty much the standard. But what about the deaths in battles in R1999? The amount of times I died to 1.3's UTTU's Flash Gathering is insane. How do self-aware characters feel about this, now that they know that they're bound to die over and over and be brought back because you have to do your Pneuma Analysis or reach the final stage of Limbo?

But that's pretty much it for now, I think I got most thoughts out of my system! Thank you for reading!

[tangledinink]

don't ASK me why. just know that this is what the gemini would look like as ponies.

[leafyduckwebs]

in a genshin lore mood rn so I drew some of my favorite theories/predictions

explanations:

Teyvat is Upside-Down: From what I know, it's basically the idea that the stars are fake because the Abyss is above Teyvat, not the real sky. I've also seen someone say that Celestia is Hell because it's down below if this theory is true, but I'm not sure how many people think that.

Ajax is Partly Unaffected by Irminsul: Due to spending time in the Abyss (outside Teyvat) and being completely changed by it, Childe is probably at least a bit resistant to having his mind altered by the Ley Lines, which affect everyone else in the world entirely. Of course, we see that it did affect him after the 3.3 quest, but Irminsul is likely gonna pop up as a plot point again, so who knows. I'm not sure how widespread this one is because I've only seen it in Chiscara fics/art and one (1) discord thread, but I like it so ehhh

Traveler Dies: Less of a theory and more of an angsty "what if?" scenario. It's silly, obviously the MC themself isn't gonna die. HOWEVER their sibling might.......or they both live in the end, but Traveler gets another major injury or presumed death scene. I personally think that the twin will die fighting either us or Celestia if hyv decides to make them not playable.

Paimon = Istaroth: That one huge theory about Paimon being the Unknown God but its a different lady now. Istaroth is the god of wind and time, and is possibly one of the Primordial One's shades. She used to be worshiped in Mondstadt and Enkanomiya before being eventually forgotten. People made the connection between her and Paimon because:

1. We control time with the Paimon menu,

2. Traveler fished up Paimon near the nameless island, which is Istaroth's temple,

3. In the 3.4 Lantern Rite epilogue, Venti (who's connected to Istaroth) barged in saying "Seeds of story, brought by the wind…", and Paimon finished his sentence, "…and cultivated by time". Venti's part is the name of achievement we got from going to the sundial island, and there's the wind and time theme again. Paimon herself was surprised that she said that without thinking, so it's safe to assume that it was a subconscious response that's been ingrained in her head for a while.

[windandwater]

Ed + being a whole adhd mood, part 2 (part 1)

note: first, this isn't a diagnosis, only a very familiar pattern. also I know that we have contextual clues to hint that breaking the record was about more than boredom, but. that is such an adhd line.

[mxtxfanatic]

Luo Binghe really was entirely too forgiving about the whole abyss thing. Y’all talk about how the peak lords must have felt going through hell and high water for Shen Qingqiu, just for the man to still end up with Luo Binghe? Imagine if Luo Binghe had friends and they knew exactly what Shen Qingqiu had done to Luo Binghe over all those years 😬

[rexscanonwife]

I may have...mentioned a fankid a little while back (ｕ_ｕ*) here's the little squirt themselves, our very own Newt Utonium! The name is short for Newton, as in Isaac, who is often considered the grandfather of science (the professor's idea ofc) but they prefer to go by just Newt!

Just like their mother they came from an egg, which Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup were very excited and curious about! Especially since they were born 5 years old and at the same time, they were looking forward to interacting with a new sibling. And a baby at that! They spent a lot of time with the egg fawning over it, discussing what gender they hoped it would be and what they'd be like once hatched!

And ofc Utonium is just as wonderful a father with Newt as he was when the girls came into his life! 💖💖💖

Taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @miutonium @cherry-bomb-ships @rosieaurora @rejaytionships @sunlight1999 @in-true-blue-love @tropicalgothships (as always let me know if you want to be added OR taken off!)

[piecanl]

Do you think Tubbo would recognize the path Bad is going down, because it's one he's already walked down on?

This self-destructive behavior coming from a broken heart?

He hasn't seen Bad at his best, before the eggs got kidnapped. He's seen him a victim to grief more than a father. It's why the blue staining Bad's being isn't out of the ordinary.

But suddenly he starts carrying flowers to remind him of the love he lost, suddenly the void calls out his name even louder and suddenly Tubbo sees himself in the older demon.

And it's scary, because suddenly he sees what he has become, how it affects others.

And for the first time of many, he sees Bad walk down a road he's paved. For the first time of many, Bad is the one repeating Tubbo's mistakes.

[kaeyachi]

NEW CANON KAEYA TIDBITS FROM THE KAEYA HANGOUT PT. 1

The heavy lore post will be posted later! These ones are just more on his personality, likes and dislikes, and brief history hehehe

SPOILERS BELOW!!

I'm doing things in bullet point form coz wow there's a lot

Was the gentle and polite child! Also frequently got sick. Addie frequently took care of him in those times hehe. Is it possible that this is because of his experiences prior to getting to Mond? Travelling as a child would have made him vulnerable to tougher weather and rapidly at that. I doubt that food comes easy too. Additionally, HE WAS LEFT IN A STORM. I still think Kaeya is gentle and polite, though he definitely gives the face of charming and sly (if it benefits him and it works then might as well keep it going!)

Kindness is so inherent in him that he automatically does kind acts. He only acts like he has an ulterior motive, and tbh? I bet that act is only to keep people away. I think I made a oneshot about this saying his biological father may be worried about this tendency? Or something similar. Worryingly enough, Kaeya clearly has a hard time accepting words of affirmation from literally everyone. Heartbreaking to see in action.

Diluc is a menace, asking Kaeya to help him in his mischief, tsk. Kaeya apparently also helps Diluc in the punishments he receives. Kaeya ended up doing the most of it :( (what are the odds of Kaeya also doing Diluc's paperwork while said redhead was out on the field? What if the reason Kaeya wasn't with Diluc and Crepus during that one fateful 18th birthday because he was covering for Diluc's shift...). Tbh? Kaeya never stopped covering for Diluc. Even now, he is still covering for Diluc (DKH).

This one set off alarms in my mind. Kaeya was apparently not a very good liar when he was younger. I now definitely think that Crepus knew Kaeya lied about his origins. The question is, did Diluc know Kaeya was not a strong liar before their fight? Or did he remember afterwards and was immediately faced with even more guilt?

He might actually have a sweet tooth! Dear god look at the number of desserts he ordered. Do note that Death Afternoon is a mixture that lessens the bitterness of Dandelion Wine. Additionally, Kaeya wasn't interested in wine when he was younger, he only grew into it because it reminds him of home after he left :( The Cider Lake drink is also sweet! And I'm guessing plain chicken mushroom skewers weren't sweet enough, so he decided to add fruits to it. I THINK CREPUS ACCIDENTALLY GOT HIM INTO LIKING ALCOHOL AFTER CREATING THE CIDER LAKE DRINK LMAO. Crepus suceeding in preventing alcohol intake from one child and ended up giving it to the other

Fairly sure he was being flirted on here by an entire group of mercenaries and just didn't realize which would make things extremely funny. They saw him and immediately went "we need to see that body in the dance floor ASAP". What if he doesn't realize he is being flirted on until he is slapped in the face with a confession? It's also funny if he flirts up a storm and not realize people are flirting back lmao

So I was right... he was not kicked out. He moved out on his own. Diluc is fine with him frequenting Dawn Winery, expects it even (lol my short 1 shot makes sense now). The staff keep asking him to come back and visit more frequently. Adelinde says that Kaeya is always part of the family. They become so happy when Kaeya comes back, it's like a weight is lifted off of everyone's chests. IT'S KAEYA WHO KEEPS SAYING HE'S A GUEST AND SEPARATING HIMSELF OUGH. He's the one trying to stay away after all :((( Let's summarize this: Kaeya was the sickly, quick to bruise, kind, gentle, and polite child who everyone in the staff (and Diluc) adores and still treats like he is their baby, but said baby of the family KEEPS LEAVING. Go home Kaeya!

Klee keeps looking for Kaeya! And Kaeya reads her bedtime stories!!! Hearing her voice ask where Kaeya was broke my heart, I think I'd like that used for angst purposes. Kaeya is once again letting a mischievous pyro user get away with causing mischief. Kaeya you enabler lmaaaoooo. Kaeya frequently rescues Klee from solitary confinement, done so enough times that Klee now does the same for him (I bet she thinks Kaeya is in solitary confinement whenever he's busy doing paperwork). Not to Kaebedo/Albekae you guys (I am Kaebedo/Albekae-ing you guys), but I'm fairly sure Kaeya and Albedo spend so much time together with Klee. Again, frequent enough that Albedo has tons of drawings of Kaeya (the 3 brushstrokes is a popular meme, but it actually is just a way to say that he has drawn Kaeya a lot. Bet he could draw Kaeya with his eyes closed haha). HE GOT THEM MATCHING GIFTS THATS ADORABLE

Speaking of gifts, he's a great gift giver! He really listens to people's needs and wants. What a thoughtful man (Diluc was right in his letters in hidden strife though. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF KAEYA). Speaking of, I'm guessing Kaeya is rich? Because I'm fairly sure the gifts were bought with his own pocket money and thus the huge amount of travel funds remaining (the gifts are expensive, surely it should have put a dent to the said funds had he used them)

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW, I MIGHT MAKE A PART 2 BECAUSE I WANT TO TACKLE MORE STUFF BUT THE PHOTO LIMIT GOT TO ME

[fromtheseventhhell]

Imagine being 9 years old and asking your dad about the things you're interested in doing when you grow up and he's like "No ❤️! But you can get married, have babies, and then maybe your sons can do those things ☺️🫶 "

[samijey]

Jey and Trick discussing Ilja Dragunov is very personal to me okay

[ihathbenobiwankenobied]

Obi-Wan Hurt/Comfort and Whump Rec 1: Long Fics

Some of my favorite multi-chaptered or longer form fics (>10K). These are whump, sickfics, angst fics, and hurt/comfort with some very general tags and descriptions. Please make sure you note the tags on ao3 before reading.

I tried to tag everyone I could find here on tumblr, but if you see your fic and want a tag, let me know and I'll add it in. To all the writers, thank you for these fics, I have read each of them multiple times and I am fucking in love with all of them.

Here we go, in no particular order:

Good Man of War - scrapathon

Codywan, OC clones and medics, 16.2K

This fic is so well written and it has some really well-characterized OC clones, including clone medic Zero, as well as a bit of codywan (which I can't resist).

Things Hidden, Things Forgotten- sospes

Codywan, Zygerria/Kadavo arc, 23.5K

This writer has some of the best codywan fics on their roster, but this one absolutely destroys me everytime. This fic covers Zygerria and gets into some of the emotional aspects of the experience for Obi-Wan.

Shoulder the Sky - @kcrabb88

Quinobi, rewritten ending for Palpatine, 149.4K

This fic is part one of the Shoulder the Sky Verse series and is one of my favorite fics of all time. This fic is incredibly detailed, and every character get's their time in the spotlight. The Obi-Wan whump is absolutely delicious, and lasts basically the entirety of this fic. The plot follows Obi-Wan's discovery of the identity of Darth Sidious and how this changes the course of the end days of the Clone Wars.

Whispers from the Dead - @kcrabb88

Quinobi, PTSD and medical trauma, 210K as of 8.14.2023 (WIP)

Another part of the Shoulder the Sky Verse series (please read the fic above first). This fic is a WIP and every time there is a new chapter I drop everything to read it. Equally as emotionally damaging, equally as much whump, and equally perfect characterizations of every single character. I won't spoil the plot, but it's a perfect continuation of the series.

Gaping Hollow - Walpger

Gen - Obi-Wan, Cody, and Ahsoka, Force-exhaustion and hypothermia, 18.1K

Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Cody are trapped in a cave on the ice-planet Vandor and Obi-Wan uses the Force to keep them both warm and alive. This leads to impending Force-exhaustion. This is one of the earliest Obi-Wan-centric h/c fics I read and I love how the author describes Obi-Wan's use of the Force.

Enforced Convalescence - @swbumblebee

Gen - Obi-Wan, clones, and Jedi, sickfic/illness and fluff, 12.5K

Obi-Wan is ill and requires babysitting because he doesn't really know how to rest. This fic is endlessly soft, and Obi-Wan gets taken care of for once in his life. This author writes delightfully soft fics and this one is one of my absolute favorites.

Uja Nejah - @ijustreallylovedaredevil

Gen - Obi-Wan, OC clone medic Stim, clone troopers, Cody, diabetes and medical accuracy, 34.2K

Possibly my favorite fic of all time? Perhaps? Anything by whitchry9 is pure gold and this fic is only one example. This fic follows Obi-Wan's journey through his life as a Jedi diagnosed with diabetes. Deliciously whump, and my favorite OC clone medic, stim. You might as well read the whole series: a series of fics in which Obi Wan Kenobi having a disability somehow saves the galaxy

Iviin’hiibi te Tuur - @ijustreallylovedaredevil

Gen - Obi-Wan, OC clone medic Stim, clone troopers, Cody, epilepsy and medical accuracy, 16.4K

Surprise, surprise, yet another whitchry9 fic. This one is about Obi-Wan's life with epilepsy. This fic also has Stim and has a few extra oneshots that can be read with it.

every shadow - @kenobster

Gen - Obi-Wan, Anakin, Rex, Ahsoka, Cody, 501st, Zygerria/Kadavo arc and recovery, 34.9K as of 8.14.2023 (WIP)

This fic is a WIP and at 3/9 chapters, so I am going to to use part of the author's summary here: "during the mass casualty event following Kadavo and Zygerria, Obi-Wan and Anakin seek ways to cope with trauma." I am absolutely glued to this fic, and have already read all three chapters multiple times.

Finding Obi-Wan - @stolen-pen-name23

Gen - Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka, amnesia and angst, 86.8K

For the record, I think I read the entirety of this fic in one day because I just couldn't put it down. In this fic, Obi-Wan loses his memory and finds himself in the lower levels of Coruscant.

something inside this heart has died (you're in ruins) - revanchxst (BadWolfGirl01)

Codywan (implied or pre-slash), Zygerria/Kadavo arc, 22.6K

In this fic, Cody joins Obi-wan on the Zygerria arc rather than Rex. Very painful with a sprinkling of codywan. 1000 kudos for this fic.

The Consequences of a Crash - happygiraffe

Gen or pre-slash Obi-Wan & Anakin, crash-landing injury/infection, 44.9K

ALRIGHT. Alright. This is the first long-fic I read in this fandom, and remains one of my favorites to this day. Delicious whump, a really wonderful look at Obi-Wan and Anakin's relationship, especially as Anakin has just become a Jedi Knight. I reread this one at least once a month.

See My Dreams All Die - @hellotemporaryuniverse

Obi-Wan & Cody (implied codywan), torture by Darth Sidious, 34.7K

This fic is absolutely brutal in the best way. In this fic, Anakin dies and Sidious is looking for a new apprentice. Such good whump.

From the Same Stone - @kckenobi

Gen - Obi-Wan & Anakin, concussion and poisoning, 8.1K

I'm already breaking my own rules, because this fic is under 10K, but this fic is one of my favorites and it's just long enough that it felt like it should be included on this list. In this fic, Obi-Wan and Anakin get trapped in a mine and are slowly ingesting a toxin.

|to failure, sweet victor| - littlekaracan

Codywan, angst and physical fights, 20K

This fic is as fucking bittersweet as it gets. Absolutely destroys me with every read. This fic follows Obi-Wan and Cody on Tatooine, but Cody's chip can't be removed until it has deteriorated to a certain point. As a result, sometimes Cody isn't quite himself.

battle scars - series - @calltomuster

Gen - Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Anakin, PTSD and medical trauma, 27.2K

This series gets into some of Obi-Wan's medical trauma and why avoids medical treatment. I can't get enough of the OC clone medic, Fuzzy, and I love how well the author writes Obi-Wan's PTSD.

shoulder the sky - series - Night_Fury

Codywan, Cerasi & Obi-Wan Kenobi & Nield, Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan, PTSD, temporary death, recovery, 196.1K

What can I say about this series? Probably too much. You will just need to read it to find out. Just read it.

chronic conditions - @deniigi

Codywan and clones, epilepsy and chronic illness, 13.1K

Yet another epileptic Obi-wan fic, this one through the lens of Kix and Cody. I am absolutely mesmerized by how this author writes, and I keep going back to this one over and over again.

Six Times Ahsoka Thought Her Grandmaster Was Dead, and the One Time He Actually Was - @pandora15 and lazarusII

Gen - Obi-Wan & Ahsoka, deathfic, 12.3K

The title says it all. You will be in pain.

heavy off a golden hue - @catboydogma

Codywan, hanahaki and chronic illness, 36.7K

This is a series which looks at Obi-Wan's life with chronic Hanahaki. This is such an amazing series, another set of fics I read in one sit-down.

Suddenly this is defeat - ealcynn

Gen, Landing at Point Rain and major injury, 13.3K

This fic is in first-person POV and does an incredible job of portraying Obi-Wan's perspective on the events based on the episode Landing at Point Rain.

This incessant snow - ealcynn

Gen, Landing at Point Rain and major injury, 20.7K

Part two to the above fic. Another extremely well-written fic. I absolutely adore the way Obi-Wan is written.

We Can Be Beautiful - OuzoAthena11

Codywan, panic attacks, 23.2K

The fic summary on ao3 says it best, "Five times Obi-Wan deals with anxiety or a panic attack and one time he causes minor anxiety in someone else." Really well written and soft fic.

Count My Little Scars I've Got Dozens Inside - nuclearturtle

Codywan (as adults), angst and de-aging, 27.1K

A de-aged Obi-Wan fic where Dooku attempts to gain his trust, but inevitably, doesn't. Very angsty. Extremely angsty.

Conjuring Miracles - @kcrabb88

Gen - Obi-Wan, Leia, Tala, Vader, PTSD, 29.8K

Another one by this author. In this fic, Tala doesn't get to Obi-Wan in time, and he ends up being taken with Leia to the the inquisitor base. There, he encounters Vader.

Rapture - @galateagalvanized

Codywan, depowered character, 62.5K

I think the summary on ao3 says it best, "An independent terrorist cell has developed a weapon capable of severing the bond between a Jedi and the Living Force. They test it on High General Obi-Wan Kenobi." Wonderful whump mixed with a great story, and of course, codywan.

Always Gold - happygiraffe

Gen - Obi-Wan & Anakin, terminal illness/cancer, 10K

In this fic, Obi-Wan is dying of cancer and just wants the best for his padawan. Prepare yourself, this one hurts.

As an Obi-Wan whump writer myself, I can't help but throw a couple of my own here (not that these are by any means on par with the quality of the incredible fics above). I have linked a couple below if you are interested:

orbit me slowly

Codywan, burns and recovery, 15.3K

After an injury leaves Obi-Wan down and out, he realizes that time isn't as unlimited as he once believed

green is the colour

Codywan, sickfic and injury, 14K

Obi-Wan, sick with the flu, is cornered by hundreds of droids. Cody and Anakin come to his rescue, but there is unresolved tension between them.

Hope you all enjoy this list!

[petrichorium]

pluvi begging you to expand on gojo not wanting what happened to his mother to happen to you 🙏

warnings: it’s all a dream so nothing is real aside from the flashback stuff but pregnancy as horror, (sewing) needles, implied gore/eye trauma, implied child harm, gojo is messed up yo!!! and its bc of his mama!!!

he dreams about her.

it’s an odd thing, really. gojo isn’t much of a dreamer—not much of a sleeper, all things considered, but it’s difficult not to give in when you drag him to bed and curl up in his arms. the soft rise and fall of your chest, the steady thump of your heart, the sound of your breath; it soothes him into slumber.

and he dreams about her. she was always young. he’s older now than she ever got to be. frail, thin; borderline skeletal, robes hanging from her body like webbing. she sits in a chair facing a window, swathed in moonlight, the silver of her embroidery needle glinting with each stab. her face is veiled. her stomach is swollen with child.

she doesn’t turn to him, but she beckons without noise. his feet take him easily to her, and he kneels at her side as she sets aside the embroidery hoop to let him place his head on her knees.

her hand is cold as it threads through his hair. it’s gentle, at first. then harsher a moment later. she grips firm, tugs him up by those electric white threads, stares down at him through all that elaborate lace.

he imagines she’s weeping beneath it. his mother never wept before him, but she was pretty in the aftermath, eyes puffy and pink and shining. they were a cold kind of loving when they regarded him. she must have been beautiful once, elegant and lithe and willowy, cruel like the heartless sea and sharp like a brilliant diamond, but whatever was there is long gone. he thinks all sons must empty their mothers, bleed them dry from within, because his was always a shell.

she trails her hand down the side of his face, and he turns into the palm and closes his eyes, and she is silent as she sets down her embroidery to lift her veil. she is silent and hollow and eidolic as her fingers brush down his jaw and tilt his head up to look at her.

but it’s your face that he sees when he opens his eyes.

it’s your hand against his cheek, your eyes pink and puffy and pretty, your stomach bulging by his own doing. it’s your fingers that pluck up the needle, still attached to a thread of brilliant cerulean, and raise it to his eye.

his mother never was able to pierce him with that needle. she stopped herself, each and every time, dropping it and tugging him close in shame. she never doted, never was kind, but she never did manage to harm him.

you do. he lets you. it’s only fair. whatever thing is in your stomach can’t be human—whether god or demon what does it matter, at the end of the day—and didn’t he put it in you himself? if his mother never got the satisfaction of spilling his blood, shouldn’t you?

but he wakes just as the tip pierces his iris, and you hold him in your lap, eyes wide with concern and not puffy from weeping, and you hold no child within you. your hands thread through his hair and they’re warm, your lips plush when you bend to press a kiss to his brow.

he turns inward to press his face into your (empty, blissfully vacant) abdomen. the wetness he leaves there, falling from his so very coveted eyes, is colorless.

he thinks it ought to be brilliant crimson.