#self harm start

[evolvingchaoswitch]

During the shortened break from Nevermore Xavier Thorpe is left to his own devices, and alone has to come to terms with the actual state of his mental health. He doesn't care that sleeping too much can be just as damaging as not sleeping at all he can't keep dealing with these nightmares and the pills help him sleep. No one is going to notice anyways and maybe he can stop being haunted over the last dream he had. One that had a land unfamiliar to anything he had ever seen before with a sky of emerald and waves that looked like liquid amethyst. The place called out to him as did two voices begging him to return home.

Wednesday is oblivious to others pain in general but even she is noticing how pale and listless Xavier is looking. Could she be concerned? Perish the thought she's merely just curious.

Or so she tells herself.

[vlastovky]

knuckle tat ideas

FULL BUSH

YAOI YURI

BUTT STUF

SPAM CALL

WARM BEER

GUNK SLOP

FROT TAGE

SELF HARM

LOVE WINS

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[turnstechgodhead]

lil cal withdrawls

[morrigan-sims]

And I forget sometimes I'm just flesh and bone.

As he stands in the ruined bathroom, all Rook can think is, At least now I can breathe.

[codacheetah]

Dropping kibble in the sifloop nation's food bowl

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

tagged by @theotherbuckley 💖

I wasn't gonna post any today bc progress slowed down with working mornings again and having to actually sleep at night 🙄😂, but i'm so excited about this fic and I'm loving it and I just wanna share it all lol

prev snippet

___

“I’m fine.” Buck responds through gritted teeth. He’s okay, he’s fine, he can do this. “I don’t know why I’m crying.” he laughs, wiping his cheeks with one hand. He needs to get a grip. At least while he’s driving. “This is all so stupid, I’m fine, everything is fine.” he takes a deep breath.

“You don’t have to be fine. Not with me.” Eddie says, and he sounds almost desperate. Desperate for Buck to listen, to hear him. He sounds so earnest and gentle, and Buck can imagine those piercing eyes that always feel like Eddie’s looking into his soul, and he can’t handle this. He can’t handle being so cared for, he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Eddie. All he does is make him worry. All he does is make everyone worry. (...) Eddie once said Buck's the guy who wants to fix everything, and it’s true. He wants to fix everything for everyone he loves. He’s the only thing that’s unfixable, though. And he hates that people even try, only to get burned in the process.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @rainbow-nerdss @malewifediaz @giddyupbuck @jeeyuns @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @hoodie-buck @nmcggg @jesuisici33 @exhuastedpigeon @rogerzsteven @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @fortheloveofbuddie @diazsdimples @daffi-990 @disasterbuckdiaz

[uncanny-tranny]

People who compare transition to self harm or use real people they know who've self-harmed as a metaphorical comparison to transitioning aren't making the gotcha they think they're making - they're just showing that they don't have the compassion or maturity to engage with either topic at even a conversational level.

And, frankly, it's infuriating as a person who does see those who self-harm as my equal who doesn't need to be used as a cudgel against another group of often vulnerable people.

[naswoop]

After about a million drafts and over two years, this is finally done!

A couple things-- this animatic is very specific to the prologue, and I first started drafting it before In Stars and Time (the sequel/full game) was even announced, so there are some things that are noticeably different if you're coming from ISaT (the party's marching order, I didn't know what Sif's first death was at the time, Sif not knowing everyone's names...). This animatic is also suuuuuper Siffrin-centric. I love everyone else so much but this one's about the good ol' ~Time Loop Edginess~.

Maybe one day I'll actually make this into a proper video, but that day is not today. I just wanted to get this done before ISaT came out (and I've managed to do that! Yay me!!).

This was honestly such a delight to work on and I learned so much about digital art in the process (I finally found the "turn off anti-aliasing" button! Yay!). Please please please go check out @insertdisc5's games, they're so good!! I'm really looking forward to when In Stars and Time comes out!!

Here's a link to Sundial on YouTube.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

:-P

[evolvingchaoswitch]

Masking

          Xavier had made it through another grueling day at Nevermore, a day that had started with a pop quiz in his Math class, having to sit closer to Wednesday than he preferred in Biology because of the new seating arrangements due to the class partnering up for projects; it was the one bright moment in the day because he didn’t get paired with any of the people he was trying to avoid. To top it off, the stars aligned so Wednesday was feeling social and asked him why he wasn’t eating with Ajax or hadn’t been for the last little bit. Xavier could feel his heart racing when she asked that, and was so afraid of the extremes she’d go if she found out he was lying and for a moment zoned out. Xavier in the privacy of his room let the feelings of terror that he had been bottling up roam free, hands entwined in his hair pulling at it to introduce some form of stimulation to distract from the panic of not remembering what he said to her, and when he found that did not suffice he struck himself.

  The echoing of the slap in the room did have the intended effect it brought him out of the panic attack. Xavier strode over to his bathroom to see if there was a chance any bruising could form “What the fuck Xavier, hitting yourself like a child? Fucking pathetic attention seeking worthless creature” his own voice echoed from the back of the mind to the front with that statement. It wasn’t the first time the voice had whispered like that, it had started young, one of the reasons he went to Kinbott in the first place. Xavier could feel his heart squeeze, she may have been a pretty dismissive therapist (she was a Normie after all) but she was the only person that had ever pretended to listen to what he had to say about his mental health. Sighing heavily , Xavier made his way over to his laptop to write out his thoughts, it was one of the methods Kinbott had suggested, so why not honor her memory by using her advice.

November 27th 2022

How do you guard yourself against Wednesday Addams so she stops haunting you with her very being. It’s weird because last semester I could be standing right next to her and she’d look right through me, now all  I can feel is her eyes and the weight of her aura. Why can’t she just be her normal Wednesday self and leave me the fuck alone? I figured out how to get her to stop haunting my dreams since starting the sleep medication, and it figures she’d figure out how to become my daymare instead of just my nightmare. Wednesday is going to end up as my own phantasmagoria at this rate, but I can make it just a month till winter break, then I don’t have to see any of them for a month.

Even though I’m still mad at Ajax I make sure to still hang out with him every so often, so that nobody thinks I’m withdrawing. We play video games, and I let him ramble about Enid to his heart's content; he hasn’t noticed that I’ve stopped smoking up. I go to the Nightshades meetings when they happen, I follow the little script I have in my head for behavior and once break is over I can give some BS excuse that my Dad wants me to focus on my studies or some shit. They’ll buy it, and I won’t have to see them.

Nobody has noticed anything different that I can tell, and I’m fairly sure the only reason Wednesday knows is because I’m avoiding her and she hates when people act out of routine. Also I haven’t been eating as much as I used to, I just don’t have an appetite like I used to, maybe from the stress or maybe from something else. My appetite started to slowly erode after I stopped using my abilities last month and started protecting myself from visions with the sleep aids. I remember a conversation that my Godmother had about a similar subject, how if you try to deny a gift, especially a psychic one, it starts to leak out in other ways. Sometimes the psychic would experience different more intense visions the longer they went without being accessible to a vision, others would lose senses, and some would go mad. The deities of this world would just keep pouring visions in with no care to stop, so my lack of appetite wasn’t nearly as bad.

Maybe I would be one of the lucky ones that ended up being mildly inconvenienced by repressing their powers. My visions never really helped with anything, they only showed one side of the picture as all visions did, and the only person having similar visions wanted to make a casualty out of me. My art gets completely taken over with my power, so why bother doing it? Dad would be less disappointed if I dropped the hobby, I was never going to make it as a painter anyways, after all my internal muse died once those chains went around my neck.

Don’t think about that Xavier.

Way to protect, before Wednesday Attacks

1. Start forcing myself to eat around them again, if I act in routine she’ll leave me alone again.

2. Make sure to have a few art supplies around, gotta make sure the props are there so there is less of a reason for anyone to look closer.

3. Start running more in the nighttime after dinner, it’ll give less time for people to talk to you, and Wednesday has short legs. You can out run her.

4. Wrap yourself in a rainbow sweater so she can’t come near you, or get a glitter bomb.

Xavier gave a hollow chuckle over the last item on his list, before snapping the lid shut. He was starting to feel the beginnings of a migraine, and maybe it would just be better to go to sleep at this point. Xavier went over to his pillow to extract his sleeping pills. They weren’t exactly the prescription type or maybe the problem was they were but not his. Extracting the small baggies that hid within the rest of the fluff Xavier popped one of the Restoril before laying down in the darkness of his room at 7 pm. Xavier was hoping that tomorrow would be easier to make it through.

Unfortunately he was unaware that Wednesday Addams was already planning to break into his room for clues about her stalker, and in general Xavier. If Xavier did know that he probably would have taken more than one pill but that wouldn’t be the first time.

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

[rowarn]

why why why why why why why is twt pushing ed accs and real gore onto my timeline i only use twt to look at fanart pls im tried to opening that godforsaken app and seeing real corpses and ppls self harm im tired of it it actually makes me nauseous seeing it no matter how much i try to do the "show less posts like this" it always comes back

[peaches2217]

I want a Mario tattoo. What should I get? There’s so many options… 😭😭😭

[theswedishpajas]

I’ve been making some choices in-game for the sake of accuracy to me irl, but they’ve started to catch up with me mentally ✌️✌️✌️

We’re working on it though, just gotta keep at it and learn how to stop myself more in the future 😤

[chibishortdeath]

Wow I love apps that let me properly crop my drawings (Instagram you know what you did)

Anyway, Simon :3. This is totally me when I didn’t know a ritual would result in the partial resurrection of the dark lord and not a cure for the curse currently rotting me alive! I love drawing Simon’s Quest fanart fr. And yeah the third image is my profile banner at the moment of posting this, now you guys know what it’s from hehe.