#separate from the testament stuff. sorry

[lesbiangiratina]

Ive died badly but dizzy is here so ill be okay

[inou-ie]

Pairing: Kafka x female reader

Warnings: NSFW, Kafka has a cock, breeding, degradation, mouth fucking.

Author's notes: I'm bad at name calling and dirty talking because I prefer praising and stuff but I did my best, I hope you enjoy! (I'm sorry for the repost, I forgot to put it in a separate one.)

MDNI

The blaring music and the pulsating lights in the room seemed to intensify, causing your head to throb with discomfort. It was difficult to discern the details of what was happening around you, perhaps exacerbated by the presence of alcohol in your system, leaving you feeling disoriented and disconnected from the events unfolding.

The memory of how you ended up in the club and the identity of the women taking turns kissing you had become a hazy blur, lost in the midst of the overwhelming sensory experience, alcohol, and disorientation. But then you noticed your girlfriend... the love of your life, walking towards you.

"There you are," she began in a soft tone, though the tension was palpable. "I can't recall giving you permission to wander off and make out with random bitches like this." Her words carried an underlying displeasure as she forcibly pulled you away from the woman you had been engaging with.

Kafka's forehead glistened with sweat, a testament to the fact that she had been fervently searching for you in the crowded and chaotic environment of the club. Her determination to locate you was evident in her physical state.

Kafka maintained her gentle smile as she forcefully pulled you out of the club. However, her grip on you was so tight that it elicited groans of pain from you. Her brisk pace only added to your difficulty, making it a struggle for your intoxicated self to keep from stumbling with each hurried step.

Upon reaching your shared place, Kafka wasted no time. She threw you against the wall and swiftly locked the door, making you groan in pain. As you started to slide down the wall, Kafka moved swiftly and caught you in her arms.

"You're such a bad girlfriend... I guess I have no choice but to fuck the slut out of you..." Kafka's smile fades as she pushes you to the wall, grabbing your hands and pinning them above your head.

"I'm sorry..." You lowered your gaze in shame, although the lingering effects of alcohol still had a firm grip on your senses, making your head feel fuzzy and complicating your ability to process the situation.

"What are you sorry about?" Kafka leaned in closer, bringing her face to within inches of yours. You could feel her warm breath against your lips, creating an intimate and charged atmosphere between you two.

"For flirting around... I didn't mean to do it..." You nearly whispered your words while avoiding Kafka's intense gaze. "Liar." Kafka growled, her eyes flashing dangerously. "You knew exactly what you were doing." She stepped back slightly to start undoing her pants while you struggled to regain your balance and stand on your own feet, your drunken state making it challenging to maintain stability and composure.

"I think we need a little reminder of what happens when my girl gets a bit too out of hand." Kafka purred. Without further ado, she ripped your clothes apart and threw it to the ground. Without warning, Kafka spun you around to face the wall and pressed her body against yours from behind, you felt her erection rubbing against your ass. Her fingers dug into your shoulders as she held onto you for support. She reached down between your legs, teasingly tracing circles around your already throbbing clit.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard." Kafka growled, her voice deep and threatening. She reached up with one hand and roughly groped your breast, pinching the nipple hard enough to make you cry out in both pleasure and pain.

"You're such a dirty little slut." Kafka whispers into your ear, punctuating each word. She didn't give you a chance to catch your breath before she roughly pressed her cock against your entrance, forcing it inside in one swift motion. Kafka began pumping her hips right away, driving her cock deeper into you with each thrust, making you gasp for air.

"I'm sorry! I was too drun– mmph!" As you tried to explain, Kafka's fingers slid into your mouth, forcing it open, holding you in place as she thrust her fingers inside. Your eyes widened with shock and arousal as you felt her digit rubbing against the sensitive flesh of your throat.

Simultaneously, Kafka continued pounding her hips harder against your ass, driving her cock deeper into your soaking wet pussy. You cried out around her invading finger, muffled by the sheer force of the pleasure coursing through your body. The dual sensations were too much for you to handle, all you could do is hold onto the wall for support.

"What a whore..." Kafka's grip on your hips tightened as she picked up the pace, pounding her cock against your cervix with a ferocity that left you breathless. You moaned loudly, writhing in pleasure as wave after wave of intense sensations washed over you.

Without warning, Kafka grunted and let out a low growl before shuddering violently behind you. "Fuck..." she muttered as her massive erection throbbed inside you, sending warm spurts of cum deep into your womb. The feeling of being filled to overflowing was almost too much for you to bear; it was both exhilarating and terrifying at once.

Your body jerked uncontrollably as one last wave of orgasm hit you, causing every muscle to tense and release in perfect syncopation with Kafka's movements. With a final thrust that drove her deeper still, Kafka finally pulled out, leaving behind a thick trail of her seed within you.

You collapsed onto the floor, panting heavily as you tried to catch your breath. "We're not done..." Kafka murmured, pulling you up off the floor by your hair. "Now get on your knees and show some appreciation for what I just did."

As you knelt before her, trembling with a mixture of fear and excitement, Kafka reached into your mouth once more. This time, she guided her cock towards it, pressing the head against your lips. With a final thrust, Kafka's hips pushed forward, forcing her engorged member past your resistance until it filled your mouth completely.

"We have to clean that dirty mouth of yours, kissing those bitches without my permission... such a dirty girl you are." Kafka hissed while looking down at you while you gagged around her throbbing shaft, saliva dripping from the corners of your mouth as you tried desperately not to choke on her cock. All you could do was whimper pathetically in between moans of pleasure at this new sensation invading yet another orifice.

Kafka's hips pounded against your face, driving her cock deeper into your throat with each thrust. You gagged and choked as she continued to fill you up, unable to breathe or speak around the massive erection stuffing itself down your gullet.

"That's it.." Kafka growled, fingers digging into your skull to hold you in place. "Take every last drop."

As if on cue, Kafka let out a primal roar, bucking her hips forward one final time. Her hot seed exploded into your mouth, filling your throat and pouring down your chin as she emptied herself into you completely. Kafka held you there for what felt like an eternity before eventually pulling away with a satisfied smirk on her lips. "Hm, look at that fucked out face of yours..." Kafka scoffed as she looked down at you.

You fell back onto the floor, eyes rolling back into your head as the world spun around you. Your body shook uncontrollably, both from exhaustion and an overwhelming sense of submission that left you weak at the knees.

"Do you think you've learned your lesson yet?" Kafka asked menacingly, her voice dripping with malice. "Because if not... well, I have plenty more where that came from." You shuddered involuntarily at the thought of what might happen next so you desperately nod your head, still unable to talk from the intense fucking your mouth experienced.

"I expect you to be a good girlfriend from now on, alright?" Kafka spoke with a smile, her demeanor appearing gentle once more as she lightly patted your head. However, there was an underlying tone that made it feel more like a warning than a request.

Without a word, Kafka scooped you up into her arms and carried you towards the bedroom. Your heart hammered against your chest as she walked confidently past the pool of cum left behind by your previous encounter with her.

Inside the room, Kafka gently laid you down on the soft mattress before laying beside you. She pulled the covers over the both of you, wrapping you up in her warm embrace. Despite everything that had just happened - or perhaps because of it - there was something undeniably comforting about being held close like this...

[violettwrites]

hi!! will you please write another fic about daryl x reader

reader seeing/experiencing something traumatic and she’s shaking and tears rolling down her cheeks and daryl sits down in front of her trying to comfort her.

safe in your skin 🏹 daryl dixon

a/n: hi nonnie than you so much for this request !! ( and sorry it took so long 😭 ) i listened to the song linked while writing this and highly recommend you guys do too !! it’s beautiful and tigers jaw is one of my fave bands 🫶🏻 anyway i hope you enjoy this !! and as always, don’t forget to like/reblog if you enjoyed this and feel free to follow me to see more of my stuff !! x

i also just realised gregory is the fkn asshole from hilltop but this is NOT him i just couldn’t think of names apparently i am so sorry

as always, my ask box is open !

( intended lowercase )

summary: reader and daryl go on a supply run, but are separated from someone close to them— when they do eventually find them, they must learn to deal with the unforgiving curse that is life.

warnings: mentions of death

word count: 848

the woods were eerily quiet, the usual rustle of leaves and the distant calls of wildlife had been replaced by a thick and heavy silence. you and daryl had been split from gregory during a supply run, someone you had been through the fall with since the start. your best friend in this unforgiving world. but you had known he was smart enough to survive on his own until the two of you found him. or so you thought.

the sun was starting to breach the horizon, the soft glow casting an almost angelic light over the town daryl had led you to in search for your best friend. if it was anyone else, he probably would have told them it wasn’t worth risking their lives to look for him, but you were different.

making your way towards the warehouse you all were supposed to go to so you could find supplies, you stopped once you reached the parking lot, spotting a group of walkers, all crouched down as they feasted on something— someone.

gregory.

you knew that brown coat he had worn since the start, now covered in blood and guts— the remains of what was once your best friend. the sight was too much, causing you to drop to your knees, mouth open to speak but nothing came out.

the brutal reality hit you like a tidal wave— all at once. sure, you had lost people before. people that were close to you, but there was something so much different about losing your best friend. your confidant. the one you told everything to. just taken away from you like that. he was gone. his last moments presented to you in a gruesome way— a way he never wanted to go out.

your hand shakily came to your mouth, tears clouding your vision as they freely streamed down your cheeks, choked sobs coming from your lips as you tried to process what happened, but you couldn’t. you couldn’t get your head around the fact he was truly gone. it was a sight that was haunting, knowing it would be imprinted in your mind for the rest of your life.

daryl, ever the stoic figure he was, had been beside you, at a loss for words. he watched as you struggled to keep yourself together, but the sight of you silently breaking down next to him made his heart wrench. you didn’t deserve to see your best friend’s end like that. no one did.

he took a deep breath, crouching down slowly in front of you, fearing that any sudden moment or words might shatter you further.

“hey,” he spoke softly, his rough voice carrying a tenderness that was rarely heard. he reached out, placing his hands on your shoulder in attempt to ground you— to bring you back to this reality, as much as you didn’t want to be here.

you looked up at him, eyes red and glassy, struggling to form words. daryl didn’t push; he simply stayed there, his present a silent testament to his support. he wasn’t asking you to speak or pretend you were okay, he was just there, a steady presence in the midst of your storm.

as the minutes ticked by, daryl slowly pulled you into a gentle embrace, arms tightly wrapped around you. you rested your head against his chest, body still trembling as you tried to come to terms with the loss you had just suffered suddenly. you tried to focus on the beat of his heart, steady as you listened, a small yet significant reassurance. he stroked your hair with one hand, the other still holding you close.

“i know,” he murmured into your hair, his voice rough yet filled with emotion. “it ain’t fair, it ain’t right.” he paused for a moment, swallowing hard as he tried to find the right words. “but we gotta keep goin’. for him. for everyone we lost. we gotta keep movin’.”

you nodded against him, the closeness offering a fragile sense of comfort. you knew daryl was right, the world didn’t stop for anyone. and the dead wouldn’t stop for anything. not even your tears and cries. but the ache in your chest was still painful. yet his presence was a lifeline, a reminder that even in the darkest moments, you weren’t alone.

eventually, you pulled back slightly, meeting his gaze. there was a shared understanding in his eyes, an unspoken bond formed through loss and survival. everyone had experienced the same thing. but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

daryl offered a small, encouraging nod, and together, you stood up, ready to face the rest of your journey— knowing it would be filled with more moments like this. as much as you wish it wasn’t— that cruel things didn’t have to happen to such kind people.

the road ahead was uncertain and filled with the echoes of loss, but with daryl by your side, you took your first step forward, carrying the memory of gregory with you— not his gruesome death, but the light he brought to your life.

[queerprayers]

hi ! i hope you're doing well, and i just wanna say first that i love your blog and it just radiates comforting vibes :)

i wanted to ask for some advice. i chose god over a year ago after having this push-pull thing with him for almost ten before that. most of my issues with actually accepting him came from ideas i had about him from his more conservative/evangelical followers, which i began to debunk for myself after figuring out that god, not them, was who i wanted.

so i've been sticking to the old testament, mostly. i found god in there, grew to love him because of it, and it's just a beautiful text, but also there are far fewer conservative dogwhistles in there than there are in the new testament. the new testament is hard for me to look at, and i feel guilty about it.

and its like- ive grown up with jesus my whole life. my parents are methodist, i was raised methodist. but i've never felt very close to him, thanks to those who twisted his verses about love and kindness into weapons against people like me. i read these verses that mean so much (john 3:16 and the like) and all i get out of it is a crawling sense of dread. like the associations are Bad, and it seeps through the whole new testament.

all this long-winded nonsense is basically to say that somebody got their hands all over the new testament and now i look at it and it is just barren. have you ever experienced something like this? any advice on how to,, reclaim the new testament or something? (thank you so much for reading this holy shit it's long. sorry about that)

Thank you beloved, I'm glad you're here! No such thing as too long here, I promise—well, there might be on my end. (You've been warned.) I'm overjoyed that you've chosen to pursue God—separating what you've been told from what you seek to believe in is such a hard thing to navigate.

I'm gonna be honest, this is such a refreshing question and I'm glad that you're asking it. I overwhelmingly hear the opposite from Christians—that the New Testament is easy and loving and comforting, and the Old Testament is scary and violent or whatever. I always want to ask first, what their opinions of Judaism are, because that's a red flag to me; and next, have they read the NT? It isn't easy and it isn't always comforting, and I think too many Christians only read the parts that they think are. The fact that you're recognizing those hard things and wanting to deal with them is a beautiful thing—we should take these texts seriously enough to criticize and struggle with them.

First of all: You have no need to feel guilty for what other people have done with holy things, or for your emotions. You have not done something wrong by carrying this hurt with you. What we feel is not in our control—but we can listen to it. Let this be a movement of desire, not of guilt. You're seeking God past the dread. You want to grow enough that the ideas people have taught you don't stand between you and what you want—and you've already done so much of this growth. I believe that you can keep moving in the direction of God, and find God in more and more places. But you don't have to pretend it's not hard. And if it was easy I'm not sure that would be a good thing.

Your experiences and associations and discomfort and fear—they're your history and they're also the history of the text. I'm sure you've heard people say "Don't let stuff like that turn you away from the original meaning of the verses!" Or "Jesus didn't mean that!" But of course the verses hold weight. They've had baggage before they ever got to you—two thousand years of it. Hold space for the fact that they've been used to hurt you and others. That's not meaningless—it's part of the meaning now. People who claimed their destruction was what Jesus meant have added to the history of Jesus and the text—and people who created love and beauty in honor of those verses have also added to these histories. We can learn about the original meaning of the text, but we cannot erase or ignore the meanings that have existed over the years. Go into this without guilt or pressure or expectation, and bring the anger and confusion and bad experiences. The text is strong enough to handle them. God is strong enough to handle them.

I want to acknowledge that finding God in the Hebrew Bible and existing there with Them is a beautiful thing. You don't have to equally relate to every single part of a religion to create a home there. Of course I hope that you grow new connections with the NT, but if it's never the same as the OT, that's not a flaw or a failure. None of us can find all the places where God is present and hold them all equally. Our brains aren't big enough for that. You have created a beautiful connection with God, and I hope that you know that there are so many fulfilled, faithful people who have not, and will never, experience God in the NT. Of course these people generally aren't Christian—and that's obviously a choice you can make—but I hope that knowledge reminds you that you aren't doing anything wrong. You have a duty to God, not to religion. And you certainly don't have a duty to the ideas you've grown up with or translators or interpreters or even to Biblical writers. We enter religion to learn and create community and to fully live out our duty to God—religion serves us, not the other way around. 

I love that you brought up conservative dogwhistles because this is a point that, again, I've heard more people fall on the other side of! More people have a problem with the politics of the OT, for lots of reasons. The NT was written much closer to our current point in history, of course, in a time and culture much more familiar to most of us than Ancient Israel. The Roman Empire's language and government and philosophy has influenced the world immensely, and I think for most people it's therefore easier to exist in/relate to/project on. For you, though, this might be having the opposite effect. The fact that the Roman Empire is closer and more influential to our culture may make you more aware of its injustices and biases. Conservatism as we know it is much closer to values found in the Christian scriptures than the Jewish ones partially because it's more culturally and politically similar to ours. (Think about how many far-right people idolize the Roman Empire! And of course, think about how many conservatives are Christians.) 

I'm assuming, because you're someone who notices politics in texts, that you've probably confronted things in the OT that you've had to process and put in context and perhaps still struggle with. I know that you've been met with violence and patriarchy, and that you've read verses that you probably know have been used to justify racism, sexism, slavery, and homophobia. Perhaps you've come to these chapters and said something like, "Wow, this has been used for a lot of evil, and this is something I have to deal with, but I also want to give grace to the culture that existed this way and told these stories, see the times that systems like patriarchy are challenged and changed over time, and use this for good and liberation in my own life." Maybe this is easy for you, or maybe it's taken a lot of strength. 

Barbara Brown Taylor talks about "shadow languages" in her book Holy Envy (which I recommend)—languages in the Bible that assume things, that carry with them narratives we need to look out for. She identifies the language of contempt, the one of social hierarchy, the one that glorifies suffering for suffering's sake, the one that divides reality into opposed pairs. She tells us that "the purpose of staying on the lookout for languages like these is to prevent them from becoming uncontested parts of the Christian worldview. Every time I run into one of them hard enough to hurt, I turn around and look in the opposite direction, where there is almost always a counternarrative in scripture, just waiting for someone to notice it."

I think about how slavery is not abolished in the Bible—it has not been abolished ever. At various times in history, it has been taken for granted, challenged, uprooted, and changed form. Why are the ancient Israelites freed from captivity and go on to enslave people? Why does God move them to chip away at slavery but not fully eradicate it? Why does Paul say there is no slave or free under Christ Jesus, but preserves the social hierarchy inherent to that statement? It angers me that oppression is never abolished completely and immediately, but I also know that's not how people (or true stories) work. We take a lot of things for granted—and that leads many people to conservatism. I love Paul's writings, and I also know that his greatest sin (like many of us) was believing God's love liberated only as far as his imagination. He could imagine a God who loved the enslaved, could imagine a world in which their souls were equal, but could not imagine a world without slavery. He could imagine a spiritual equality of men and women, but not a social one. The gospel writers could worship a Jewish man as God, honor the scriptures he quoted, and add no nuance to the Jewish leaders who opposed him. They could imagine a messiah coming from Judaism but could not give grace to the Judaism around them.We all have failures of imagination, and we are always wrong. (Thanks be to God.)

I am not in the business of excusing harmful systems. I don't think you should do this when tackling the NT—I think you should challenge it and accuse it and dismantle it. But I also want you to remember the grace that you have brought to the Hebrew Bible. You have found God in a text with a lot of hard things and a lot of beautiful things—I bet you can do it again. Maybe it's more personal this time, maybe it's closer to your culture, but you have the skills. And maybe this is gonna make you go back to the OT with harsher eyes—so be it. Be curious about how this changes your relationship with history—humanity's and your own. However you understand conservatism, you can find it in both parts of the Christian Bible. And you can't take away the ways people have furthered that. But you can see them, and you can build relationships with the stories, knowing that your imagination can go further—and God's goes further still. You have been taught by bigoted people and a bigoted world, and you know it. You already know you want God, not them.

So what do we do when someone got their hands all over the New Testament? I love that question, because they absolutely have. They're still doing it. Someone got their hands all over the OT too—actually, probably more and worse someones seeing as it's a Jewish text and Christian hands are inherently meddling. But this is all part of the text's history. However much we believe God was involved, people wrote in their own language and from their own culture.  The curation and copying and collecting and translating and analysis inherent to the Bible's existence (it didn't spring fully formed into the King James Version) are people's hands. We can't take that away—and in fact, we needed their hands for these texts to get to us. 

Reclaiming the Bible for me has not included pretending those hands don't exist—especially when they're personal. What it has included is prying some of those hands off to see God underneath. The thing about that, though, is that it gets our fingerprints involved. You can't reach into a text and find God without getting your hands dirty. There is no pure holy text in this life. The NT that you're reading—unless you're smarter than me—is already translated. You can learn to read Greek, you can study history, but you're gonna be doing it with your own hands. While you're finding God in the text, accept that even if you go all the way back, the original writers' fingerprints are on the very first copy. 

Let this move you to know that none of it is empty. I acknowledge the barrenness you're describing as the only thing you can see right now—but know that even if this is overwhelming, it's proof that the text itself is full. The fact that so many people, for good and evil, have touched it and transformed it, the fact that you desire connection with it, means that it is not empty. There would be nothing there for you to want to reclaim—but you're asking.

I think it would be really interesting for you to find the humanity in the gospels. Look for the people. Yes, these are characters told and retold—you can see the fingerprints—but they were people first. Look for people reclaiming and messing around and taking cultural things for granted and challenging other things—and live in it with them. Don't approach any of it as a solid text that exists—look at it as a living, breathing text that we all tear into. And, yes, this means people are going to twist it almost beyond recognition, but they do not have a monopoly on joining the story—you bring your experiences and your biases. Be human with it, the way that I'm sure you are with the OT, which is full of flawed, evil people who sing beautiful songs. Be human with them.

Enlarge your theological circle. Read liberation theology, queer theology, disability theology. Read the Quran, which is an amazing time that people got their hands on the NT (as well as having its own history of violence). Find different, beautiful hands that tell these stories in new ways. I can't promise you'll find beauty—that's such an emotional and personal experience. We can't force beauty out of anything. But other people have found and created beauty, and we can experience it secondhand—through stained glass, a musical, a movie, a song, a poem—not because their eyes are better than yours, but because they're also honest.

Barbara Brown Taylor (again in Holy Envy) recounts wisdom from a visiting imam, who "explained that the long lineage of Muslim scholars who have worked collaboratively for centuries to interpret the Quran in the most humane ways are more to be trusted than those who spill blood based on their own readings and ambitions." There are always other traditions, and when all we can see is a weapon, there are those who will unclench our fists. 

I would encourage you to make sure you have a NT text that has footnotes to tell you when someone is quoting the Hebrew Bible. The NT is in relationship with, building on and interpreting and philosophizing about, the OT. If you are coming from the OT, bring those verses with you, the same way Jesus and early Christian writers did. The New Testament as a body of work did not exist for the first Christians—the scriptures they had were the ones you have connected with. You're in such good company. Look at how easily Jesus quotes scripture, the verses he adds on to and interacts with, the prophecies he sees himself in. Look at the sacrifice imagery that the gospel writers use to talk about Jesus—assuming that the reader will be familiar with these themes. Even within the OT, we can see later Jewish prophets criticizing and conversing with earlier verses—humanity is constantly in conversation with itself and God. You have such a good foundation for understanding this relationship.

The other good foundation you have? Wrestling with a text. It's the ones we're in community with that are the ones we're most often in conflict with and hold to the highest standards—for Jesus, this was the Jewish community he was a part of, and for you, this might be the NT. Have beef with your own scriptures and communities and religious leaders—reclaiming and wrestling are what the gospels are about. Acts and the letters in the NT are continuously debating the relevance of various OT verses. Do hard work on a text, and do it in good company.

Carry with you the scriptures you love as you travel into unfamiliar or painted-over territory. Know that you have something to come back to, however far you g0. While wading into waters you don't understand, you know that there's land under your feet—and you know that it's land that Jesus valued, that all the people in the NT valued, even as they wrestled with it. The first verses of the NT are a genealogy from Abraham to Jesus's adoptive father. Christians see this all as one story—whether you believe that right now or not, the human story is constantly moving, and God is your solid ground. 

Jesus set down a foundation on that rock of God and Christians have added bricks to it and torn stuff down and messed around and burned it and kept building it—but you know there's God under it, because you've seen Them. So when you read Paul awkwardly shoving some bricks together and think, "That's not how I would build a community…" know that God's under there. When you read Peter denying Jesus, know that his name still means "rock," that you can still create solid ground after everything. You know where God is, and also, our lives are ever-expanding journeys of finding where else God could be. Yours looks different from the Christians who consider the NT to be that same rock, but that's okay! It's okay if the OT is a firm foundation for you, and the NT is one of the bricks. Look for God in those awkward bricks, which I know you can do because you've already done it. King David wrote the most beautiful songs I know—you don't ignore his murder and rape, you honor the whole story.

John 3:16 is a much-loved verse—but it being more important than other verses is a construct. You don't have to like it—in fact, the context of this is Jesus talking to Nicodemus, who doesn't understand what he's saying. Jesus is very familiar with confusion and even anger as a response—and he even seems to seek it out sometimes. Nicodemus comes to him as a genuine student, and Jesus starts going on about being born again, something that his new student seems to have no foundation for. Oh, to be a confused new student rather than someone whose had "being born again" held over my head! I wish I could come to the idea with no baggage! I wish I had no foundation for that idea, so I could start over—which would, perhaps, come closer to what Jesus is saying than any evangelical teaching. 

Take care, keep trudging. Whatever path this brings you to, whatever communities you end up building, know that with God as the foundation, even awkward haphazard fingerprinted ripped-up texts can tell stories that we need to hear. I can't take away the associations you have with these texts, but I can pray you create new ones. Learn new songs, meet new characters. Get your hands messy. 

Don't force a positive relationship—what people have done with the text is a barrier to you right now, and this might be more of a journey with a barrier than a going through it. There are pieces of barriers I've broken open that come with me when I revisit those verses. You already have a more honest relationship with all of this than so many others, and you have the skills already to know that it is God, not the world's followers, that you want. 

I hope this wasn't long-winded nonsense, and I hope something here resonates. The short answer (which I probably should have put at the beginning) is that yes, I've experienced something like this. The year I couldn't read the Bible without panicking, I cried while watching The Prince of Egypt. In the years after that, I almost came back to it like I was converting—reading the basics, starting from scratch. Growing up and becoming purposely Christian (rather than your parents exactly) is a kind of conversion, and you have to reclaim the texts, and ask God to reclaim you as you are now. 

Isaiah 55:10-11 tells us that God's word pours out like rain, and never returns empty. It sticks with us until something grows inside us. And John begins his gospel by telling us that the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. This is a living word, one that cried and got angry and fell in love with his friends and participated in a culture and wrestled with God's will and interpreted scripture and was a person with us. You'll have to forgive Christianity for being so human—God did it first. God got his fingerprints all over us, and we wrote texts that have God's living breathing word—and also our messy hands. Thank God for your hands, and the love that they will bring. 

<3 Johanna

[somethingclevermahogony]

WIP Announcement (and re-re introduction)

Hello everybody! I've been busy for a while and I haven't been able to respond to a lot of the tag games and asks that I've recieved, but now finally I am done (for now) and I can get back to responding to y'all and posting about my WIP!

(Left) My MC'S Narul and Ninma courtesy of @faeporcelain and (right) Narul courtesy of @veggiebr0th !

For those of you who haven't seen me before, Hello! You can call me C. I am currently working on a series of fantasy novels, The Testaments of the Green Sea. The story follows the journey of the giant Narul and the princess Ninma as they travel the lands of Kishetal. Along the way they encounter spirits, monsters, demons, magic, war, gods, pirates, and slavers.

The setting and story is based around the mythologies and cultures of the Bronze age, no knights here sorry to say.

Genre: Epic Fantasy

Themes and Tropes (Or more accurately a random assortment of words vaguely related to the plot): Found Family, immortality, loss, love, war, power, memory, magic, insanity, political shenanigans, The passage of time, growing up, queerness in the ancient world, violence, spirits, fantasy outside of medieval europe

I finished the second draft of the first book (and started book 2) and I thought that I was happy with it, but lately I've been thinking more about a lot of the characters that I've included and the stories that I want to tell and I have realized that even with 208,000 words, I wasn't able to fully capture everything that I wanted to. And so I have decided to give myself more work and to split my first book into three separate books which will let me give all of the characters and stories the attention they need without overcrowding.

And I have finally come up with titles! The series overall is called The Testaments of the Green Sea and the three new books are as follows:

The Giant and The Princess

The Pirate and The Poet

The Hammer and the Spear

Some things you can expect in the next few days:

An absolute deluge of tag game responses and ask answers, I have a lot of catching up to do ( @illarian-rambling , @mk-writes-stuff , @elizaellwrites , @elsie-writes , @willtheweaver , @phoenixradiant , @agirlandherquill , @the-ellia-west , and anyone else that I might have missed)

I will finally be posting the intro to my OC, Zatar (I'm including a drawing of him down below), and will be posting a poll or two about other characters that y'all want to be introduced to you.

I might do a poll about a poll, to see what sort of thing y'all would be interested in seeing

I will be posting a recipe for a cheesecake recipe from my world, this is a way to celebrate 200 followers (thank y'all so much btw!)

I'm excited to show y'all some new things about my WIP and to introduce you all to my OCs and world! Also, I don't think I've ever actually made an official taglist. If y'all are interested in being in a taglist for this project, send me a message or comment on this post!

[rolesplay]

・┆✦CONNECTING — a todoroki shoto/uraraka ochako fanfic.

He knew Ochako loved the stars. He couldn't help but call her.

"I wish you're here. You could see the Milky Way from where I am now."

(laughs) "Shouto-kun, you know you can always just send a picture, right?"

"I know, I just-..."

(laughs) (fondly) "I know, I understand. I miss you too."

(sighs)

(worriedly)"Hey, you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know the story behind the Milky Way?"

"You mean who found out about it?"

"No, I'm talking about the two archangels who loved each other."

"What?"

"Well, not long after Satan's uprising to God, two angels fell in love with each other. And that's something that's not supposed to happen, you know? Two powerful beings, together and stuff. But they still loved each other even though it was forbidden. So the other angels, they tell God about the two who disobeyed the rules. And God separated them and put the two on each end of the universe so that they never see each other again."

"But the two yearned for each other."

"Shouto-kun?"

"The two yearned for each other that they began constructing a way to each other. Their yearning. It became a bridge for them to meet each other. They met at the center, and found each other again. That bridge is the Milky Way."

(surprised) "Ah! Shouto-kun knew the story after all!"

"I didn't, it was just so obvious. Tanabata, right? It's the same story. Except the Milky Way's the bridge this time, and no magpie can be found in the story."

(pouts) "You're being a know-it-all again!"

(laughs) "I am sort of a know-it-all Ochako."

(annoyed) "Yes. Well, anyway. At least you didn't get the end end of the story. My favourite part."

"Well then, let's hear it."

"So, see. There's a bridge now and the two meet each other again. But the other angels are furious. They disobeyed the rules twice already. So those angels flew up to God and told Him all about the bridge and told him to destroy the bridge. But God shook His head. 'This bridge was created by pure love, and that is something anyone or anything in this world would not be able to destroy,' is what he says to those angels. And the bridge still stays, even now. A testament to the love of two angels."

"..."

"..."

"With them being separated to the ends of the universe... I guess you could call them star-crossed lovers, huh?"

(blank voice) "Shouto-kun..........."

(chuckles) "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"..."

"..."

"Hey, Ochako?"

"Mm?"

"I know I don't always say this, but I love you."

"..."

"... Ochako?"

"..."

"Are you still there?"

"..."

"Ochako?"

"Ah! Todoroki-kun! Hagakure Tooru here! I'm sorry Ochako can't speak right now, she's kinda.... floating right now, all red on the face." (pause) "WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT?!" (shuffle) "You told her something dirty, didn't you? I've never seen-MINA!!! DON'T!!!" (shuffle) (screech) (unidentified noises)

"..."

"H-hey! Shouto-kun!"

"So want to tell me what happened there?"

"...I'd rather not."

(Laughs)

"..."

"..."

"Shouto-kun. Take care of yourself on there, alright? Come back home soon. I- well, everyone does. Everyone misses you. But me especially."

"I know, because I miss you too."

"..."

"..."

"And Shouto-kun?"

"Hm?"

"I love you too." (phone disconnected)

"Ah, she hung up immediately." (sighs) (fondly) "Really, that girl..."

[griancraft]

Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen

Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post

Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn

The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.

I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.

But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol

Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.

with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth

And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.

[atheostic]

I'm interested to hear how educated you are on the differences between judaism and christianity, especially how their value systems, i saw your conversation with rose and it was nice to see someone questioning theism without being condescending and acting like theists are bad people

Hey, sorry for taking a while to respond.

I'll readily admit that I'm way more familiar with how atheist Jews view the differences between the two religions than I am with how theist Jews view it. I consciously seek out atheist Jews' interpretations and views of Judaism and Judaism vs, Christianity partly because, as an atheist myself, I want to hear what other atheists have to say. The other part is that I find that atheists in general don’t have hangups about calling out the bad stuff in their past culture/religion so you get to actually hear about the problems (which every religion without exception has – just like they all have good parts too).

I know that Christianity started out as a denomination of Judaism (there were heated discussions in the early days of Christianity over whether one had to convert to Judaism before being considered a Christian). I know that if Bible!Jesus is an accurate portrayal of a real historical figure he didn’t intend to create a new religion but rather to reform Judaism. That being said, I also know that, much like how language dialects eventually become distinct enough to be separate languages, it has been a VERY long time since Christianity was part of Judaism. It has some aspects that are similar, but for the most part it’s now its own thing (kind of like how all Great Apes share similarities but are clearly different species).

I know (thanks to Karyn Glasser) that the main similarity between Christianity and Judaism is that the Old Testament and the Torah are mostly the same text when compared side by side, with the biggest difference being how some stuff is organized. That being said, in theology you’re supposed to treat each religion’s text as unique even if they’re literally word-for-word identical, which is why I always explicitly refer to the two texts as being separate.

I know that, while part of their holy texts are virtually identical, how Christianity vs Judaism approaches their holy texts is very very different. Traditionally in Judaism, the Torah is meant to be a living text, which means that things being open to interpretation was a feature, not a bug. As far as ancient Israelites were concerned, if there was no new meaning to be found in the text then the text was dead and useless. Christianity, on the other hand, likes to view their holy text as a lot more cemented (“my way or the highway” if you will)... though it doesn’t keep people from interpreting it six ways from Sunday anyway. The inflexibility in Christianity is likely part of why violence and animosity between denominations seems to be much higher than in Judaism.

I also know that how most Jews view God is very different from how most Christians view God; Jews aren’t typically afraid to be like “Yeah, that thing he did was an asshole move, God’s a dick sometimes” whereas most Christians consider God to be all-good and perfect and above reproach, so to say he did something bad breaks their brain. I remember seeing this post once where a Jewish person was basically like “whether good or bad, since everything happens according to God’s will I hold him responsible for what happens in my life”. Jews also don’t typically have a hangup about arguing with god (which makes for a much healthier dynamic in my opinion).

From my personal experience, it seems that Jews tend to be a lot more relaxed and have a more playful attitude toward religion that white North American* Christians. Jews, for example, will get into fun friendly debates over whether it’d be kosher for a vampire to drink pig’s blood if it was to avoid drinking from a human (if memory serves about that post someone asked their rabbi and they said yes) or whether it’d be okay for a dragon to light the shammash using their breath. North American Christians, on the other hand, tend to be way more serious when it comes to how they approach theology in general.

That being said, of course there are exceptions in both cases, as no group is monolithic and people are hella complicated. From what I’ve read and from what I’ve heard from Jews on Tumblr, Orthodox Jews tend to be more Christian-y in how they approach the Torah in that compared to other denominations they tend to take things a lot more literally. I remember reading an article once about how some bigwig in the Canadian Orthodox Jewish community had suggested not taking Genesis too literally and it was a big scandal.

And because no group is monolithic, it’s worth emphacizing that what I know about Jewish culture is primarily from a North American viewpoint (and mostly American at that), and therefore what I know isn’t applicable to all Jews as a whole (I recently got s book for the school library I work at all about how Passover is celebrated differently around the world, so it’d be silly for me to think that how Jews approach Judaism would be monolithic).

And all this is, of course, when talking about theist Jews. Because since Judaism is an ethnoreligion it’s possible to be both an atheist and a Jew at the same time. And how atheist Jews approach Judaism as a religion varies wildly (not surprising, since getting atheists of any kind to agree on anything beyond the nonbelief in any deities is like herding cats). Some, like the previously-mentioned Karyn Glasser, sometimes go to worship services as a way to connect with their culture and ancestors. One of my colleagues sometimes goes to the synagogue if there’s a party going on because “who doesn’t love a good party?”. Others, like an Israeli  caller to the Atheist Experience a while ago, think that atheist Jews should be referred to by a different word than theist Jews because their perspective regarding the religion is so different (his suggestion was for atheist Jews to be known as “Hebrews”). Others don’t care about the religion aspect at all but still celebrate the holidays as a tie to their culture. Yet others aren’t tied to their culture or religion at all. 

* No topic is taboo about being made fun of in Brazilian culture, so how Brazilian Christians approach religion is very different and much closer to how I’ve seen Jews approach religion.

[landinrris]

F1 Tag Game! Tag some people you'd like to get to know better!

Tagged by the wonderful and amazing @pitmewithyourbeststop 🫶🫶

Who is your favorite driver? Unsurprisingly, Lando 🫶

Do you have other favorite drivers? Carlos is an incredibly close second to Lando. Alex, Oscar, Lewis, and George are my other faves as well, and it makes me happy when they do well.

Who is your least favorite driver? *consults the oracle* Sorry, I've been told that's redacted information for my own safety. I have a few I don't care for though.

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well? Overall, drivers before teams. But I can get behind being happy for joint pooled points for one (1) team.

If you like teams, what team do you pull for? Said team is McLaren because of how much it's so obvious they care for one another and their previous drivers.

How long have you been into F1? 2021... what a year to get invested.

What got you into f1? Unapologetically, I'm a dts convert. A few people at the time had been putting stuff on my dash. And then I needed something short/mindless to watch during early summer, and next thing you know I'm as deep as I am now. Took me a few weeks to figure out how to watch the races, but then I found my podcast, found some cool people, unintentionally developed a tier system. It's been great ❤️

Do you enjoy fanfic/RPF? lol imagine if I said no, and I just wrote half a million words because I had nothing better to do.

How do you view new fans? I am always down for new fans. Gatekeeping is stupid. Everyone's a new fan at one point, and if they want to learn and start somewhere, I am so down to help. I'm stealing Jess' words here because they're so good: "I'm less a fan of the recent influx of morality police fans and the fans who actually enter into the more public spaces and specifically go to teams/drivers/authors/actors/etc with shipnames and fics. Don't do that. Ship and let ship, don't like, don't read, keep fandom in fandom spaces. Enjoy." Just keep it in fandom spaces, friends. And no, Twitter is not a fandom space imo.

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why? Je déteste Alpine, but they clearly need the help, so why not. Couldn't bear taking Andrea '🐐' Stella away right now.

Are your friends and family into F1 as well? My family's always been into motorsport and cars, and yet somehow I'm the one who finally got them to sit down and watch F1 on a week to week basis. My very good friend watches it when she's with me as well. It's a testament to how much I talk about it and how much people let me waffle on considering I received like five separate texts from irl people congratulating me about Lando's win on Sunday 😅

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends? Oh my God, of course. I've made some amazing friends throughout the last three years to the point where I'm about to go on my third trip with them next month to Barcelona for the race. And then the friends I've made online which have stayed online up to this point... 🫶🫶🫶 I am always open to screaming and chatting and being friends

Idk who's done this, so I'll just tag @forza-carlos-sempre @opfire @phebess @f1-birb @thejasminechronicles @quadrilogical. And anyone else who wants to answer some questions and link back so I can be nosy!

[drbased]

I'm sorry.

I've realised how over time I've devolved into moaning and vagueposting about online intra-community stuff, and I've stopped posting about all the positivity and wisdom that I used to.

I'll be honest, my life hasn't exactly been positive recently, and that's the understatement of the fucking centrury. I've been pushed to the limits of what I can handle, and if anything the fact that I haven't crumbled has been a testiment to the power of what I've learned. I wish I could post more about what's going on in my life but I can't/won't for obvious reasons. I can say at least that I'm focussed and centered on who I am and what I want - and that's not a happy feeling, but it's keeping me out of another huge depressive spiral. Writing still helps me stay centered and sane, so I will keep doing that.

The things that I actually want are not really possible in my current circumstances, and that distresses me to no end. I want to stay positive, I really do, but it's a lifetime-built habit of mine to see the worst in people and prepare for the worst in life, historically for my own safety. Finding positivity within has left me feeling the same vulnerability, disappointment and hurt that made me wrap myself in emotional bubble-wrap to start with. I'm looking back with a real respect for younger me: she really worked hard to make sure she wouldn't get hurt. Despite myself, I bought into the lie that things like depression are fundamentally irrational - even though the primary thing I've learned from this process was essentially the opposite. My depression isn't a separate part of me, a tumor I can cut off; no, it's an interpretation of the world that is logically consistent with a firm foundation. Deciding to disagree with that interpretation involves a steady process of encountering the exact same stimuli and re-interpreting it. At times I encounter something so miserable, so damning, that it's a testament to the true power of this want inside me that I'm able to look it square in the face and say no, I will not succumb to the all-encompassing grief. This one thing is upsetting, but it does not have to fit into a wider pattern/narrative of unrelenting despair. And that is fucking hard. It's taking all the resolve I have. I feel constantly at the end of my tether, and I so desperately want, for once, somebody else to fix this all for me. But that's not possible: this is as much internal as it is external. I will find a way through this, somehow, even if I don't quite believe that at the moment.

[asgardian--angels]

Have you heard the news about Till yet? Does it ruin the band for you anyhow? I've only found out about it 2 hours ago and I'm pretty stunned :/

Hey sorry for the delay in replying to this! Yes I've been following the various goings-on. I've stayed out of the discussion on it mostly because I really don't care that much - I'm way past the point in my life where I get so attached to bands that any news of 'gasp! Male rock star is shitty to women!' would have me sobbing on the floor. I mean, my favorite band was Korn for many years, enough said lmao.

Having taken in the various perspectives, news sources, and other insights from fans, it's looking very likely that Till did not actually engage in this behavior for the particular circumstance he is being accused of. I'd be surprised if he'd really go so far as to do all of that. There appear to be multiple witnesses that deny the accuser's claims. I don't inherently take sides on this stuff, I just try to judge whatever facts are available. Rammstein is a well-oiled machine with a huge crew that try to regulate their events and make it safe for everyone. That doesn't mean things can't happen, esp when Till has separate afterparties than the rest of the band, but they've been at this for almost 30 years with very few issues.

Is Till shitty to women? Often, and I'd call him a sex addict, and from what I understand in the past several years he hasn't been surrounded with great people outside the band (i.e. his solo stuff) and they've enabled or fed the worse parts of him. He has seemingly cultured an environment around himself - largely separate from the rest of the band, at least at present - where he can engage in his preferred activities. I don't agree morally with a lot of the things he does (hell, I can't stomach most of his solo project music videos), but that's nothing new, because while he may honestly be worse on this front than in the past, he's always been like this.

But in this particular circumstance, I'm inclined to say the media is spiraling this way out of control. I hate the entire culture surrounding rock band afterparties, older men seeking out young groupies, and Rammstein's 'Row 0' antics. I'd like an outcome of this whole thing to be that they stop doing that once and for all, given that the band is in their 50s and for Till, 60s. But even with whatever headspace Till has been in recently, he has a great love and respect for his fellow band members who are like family to him - and I need not expound upon just how monumentally stupid and detrimental it would be for the whole band for him to have done something illegal here. The last time he was arrested (along with Flake) was in 1998 for one of their stage acts - he's been clean otherwise (and that whole thing was idiotic anyway on the part of the MA police), and that is a testament to his carefulness and desire to not impact the band and the lives of the band members. He got pyro certified to design their stage acts and ensure the safety of everyone during their shows after an accident in 1996 - he's a man that shows commitment and perseverance, and he is very intelligent.

This entire thing has had a massive impact on the rest of the band, with some people relating it to the Mutter era where the band was having major disagreements and almost broke up - but there, they got through it stronger with a better understanding of each other and how to work together. I do feel Till is not in a great place mental health-wise, and needs to surround himself with better people re: his entourage and personal&professional friends outside of the band, and his antics in general sometimes cast a poor light on Rammstein. I hope this whole thing forces some re-examination by Till of his lifestyle, because he himself often doesn't seem very happy (without me reading any further into things I know nothing about). I think he's treated women poorly in these environments from a ~just being shitty~ point of view, undoubtedly. But ultimately, I don't think he committed the illegal activities he's been accused of in this instance.

I hate how much of this has become about taking sides, like hashtag 'I stand with Rammstein' or whatever. I don't stand with or against anyone - I think this sucks for the rest of the band being put through this no matter the outcome, I think it will have a lasting impact on the dynamics of the band and their interpersonal relationships, and I'm glad it sheds light on Row 0 and various shitty practices that Rammstein and many bands have engaged in.

Groupies will always exist, and so aging male rockstars will probably always do this sort of stuff - plenty of female fans welcome it, seeing as no one is forced to accept an invitation to an afterparty, and any Rammstein fan who finds themselves in Row 0 knows what it's about. In general, I hear overwhelmingly positive experiences about fans meeting Till and if he was consistently poor-mannered I doubt people would hold good opinions of him. The band's made it clear (via Scheider's recent statement) that any guest is welcome to leave these environments if they're uncomfortable and will be chaperoned by security. They have a huge crew of 100+ people making sure everything runs smoothly. There are changes that I think should be made to separate and/or regulate Till's private parties (or better yet, don't have them), and I personally will never understand going to these parties, but that's just me. Less than great experiences can and do happen at those parties, but that's a far cry from criminal acts. I think Till goes way overboard much of the time esp when left to his own devices, but being a lewd ass is again, not the same as forced coercion.

Personally, I honestly just think this is a shitty way to go out, seeing as the band is taking a hiatus after this tour and I get that nagging feeling we may not see them again for a long time, or ever, at least in terms of new albums or concerts (they do have a dvd coming out in a year or two). Rammstein has always tried to shock people with controversy, but not in ways like this. Various media outlets love to jump on this band, waiting for them to slip up on anything. Even if all charges are cleared, which it's shaping up that they will, much of the damage was done to Till's reputation, with multiple collaborations dropped/promos cancelled. I hope this gives him pause and a chance to re-examine where he's at in life, and that his fellow band members can help him find support where he needs it. Again, I don't defend Till, and I don't deny shitty things may happen at afterparties. But I'm weathered when it comes to rock scandals and I try hard to stay out of the personal lives of band members. So to me whatever happens happens and I just want some lessons to be learned for all involved.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

508 Costume meta

I was so pleased to see some of my theories continuing to play out in this episode and I promise a more in-depth analysis is coming soon for all of them- its just taking an age for me to fully costume plot each character!🤓

Most of this episode is spent in uniform by the firefam, so there isn’t much to analyse there (which ngl makes my life a whole lot easier🤣) This meta got super super long, I’m beginning to think i’m incapable of keeping stuff brief (I blame the ADHD for making me verbose) so I’m going to strip it back and just handpick the most important ones to focus on, along with a bit more theory where I think it’s important! Again and as always I’m sorry for the terrible screen shots!!

we open with Michael and David having a conversation about Haiti, David is in a check pattern shirt while Michael is in a maroon t-shirt and blue zip up hoodie with grey lining. not a huge amount to say here other than, Michael being in 3 colours on his top half is a sort of representation of his internal battle - he has several thoughts running through his mind about the bomb that’s just been dropped on him, but its important to note the blocks of colour, because his confusion is like when i’ve talked about patterned fabrics in previous posts, he’s putting the pieces together and realising what he wants - David and to spend the rest of his life with him!

We move to a Grant-Nash family scene where Bobby is in a white shirt, Harry in a pale blue long sleeve tee, Athena in dark grey, Michael in a light grey cardigan and a black tee and May in Coral pink, which is a colour way which seems to be becoming a theme for her this season.

Michael’s grey cardigan hold true to my theory of the use of grey being a colour to direct away from the wearer - they are no the focus of the scene, and Michael in’t the focus here. yes he says he’s going to propose to David, but the scene is really about his families reactions to his announcement.

Athena is less than enthusiastic and the dark grey is a testament to this, but again in all actuality this is not about her - it is about the children’s reaction to the proposal - as it should be. I love the fact that Mays coral pink reflects her youthful enthusiasm and acceptance, however it is not a ‘girly’ sugar pink, it is a more mature and grown up shade of pink and this completely speaks of her growing maturity and confidence as a young woman (she is really coming into her own and its wonderful to watch). Meanwhile Harry’s baby blue tee is a nod to his line about 3 dads - I spoke about red and blue being representative of mothers and fathers in a previous post - Harry is as ever thinking about what he gains - and the cost implications (fathers day is gonna suck) having 3 fathers will set him apart from his peers (I can totally see him bragging about it at school to his friends), but it is also a little bit of foreshadowing, the blue is a similar shade to Davids surgical scrubs and the baby boy hats we see on the babies at the hospital. I would also like to point out the beautiful symmetry of the fact that Harry is wearing a blue long sleeve tee (with white stripes) when Michael tells the children that he is gay. I have a theory about the children on the show wearing stripes and it being representative of a change in direction for them or a close character which I will explore in depth in a separate post, but needless to say the theory holds up here!

we then have the montage of Michael getting his proposal planning sorted out with the help of his family and we are maintaining colour ways here - Michael in a shade of grey, May in red/pink shades, Harry in blues, but Athena has moved into cream - a big part of her overall colour palette, but all one that shows her patterned ties - confusion (over outfits - why only small amount of pattern!)

I will comment on ‘uniform’ for one thing - in the one hour earlier at the hospital scene because its an interesting piece of foreshadowing. David was wearing a green check shirt for work that day, and the guy he’s wheeling into surgery is in a green spotted hospital gown which has a heck pattern, now ordinarily I wouldn’t mention this because its a hospital gown, but they could’ve picked any colour of gown - we’ve seen them using a variety of coloured gowns, so the choice of green must be deliberate. We know that David is going to be proposed to later on in the episode and we witness the parallel of this husband and wife making a proposal of their own - him asking her to hold onto his ring for him as a symbol of their love and commitment to each other which will be reaffirmed when they reunite post surgery, much in the way David and Michaels love will be when they are reunited post surgery(love me some subtle foreshadowing!)

The green hoodie on Parker. this is an interesting one because its a pretty specific shade of emerald green, and one we’ve seen a couple of times before. (Sorry the screen shots don’t show the colour match very well, but the scene lighting also affects how it looks!) most specifically - the first two outfits we see Christopher in - the sleeves of his t-shirt in S2E2&3 and also S2E4 - the polo shirt he puts on backwards in the Diaz morning routine scenes. We have also seen it on Hen this season - in the previous episode when she was telling Karen about Eva.( if Hen ends up somehow involved with what I describe below I will shriek like a banshee with excitement)

If we focus in on the children though, then it becomes interesting, and possible foreshadowing. Parker is 8 - the same age as Christopher when we meet him. He is the one who is, inadvertently, the cause of the fire (there were some epic failures that were really responsible for the fire, but him bumping into the cart set off the chain of events and I feel that this is an important thing to note around the possible foreshadowing - because it could imply that Christopher is going to inadvertently set off a chain of events that wind up with him in some sort of trouble later in the season, possibly involving another child (don’t hate me, but maybe Jee-Yun) because they took the time to emphasise Parker being encouraged to love and protect his baby sister. of course all of this is complete conjecture at this point, but I thought it was interesting to bring up none the less!

Remember what I said about red being representative of motherhood - well Claudette is in a very red outfit and she has an uncharacteristic breakdown when she thinks she’s lost Parker and his sister (her jacket is also check patterned which, again, fits with my check pattern theory coming soon!) for me this is hinting at a backstory around her possibly having lost a child of her own, or perhaps around a call where she lost a child because she failed to do something (this may in part explain why she’s been a bully towards May, especially around sticking to protocol and her jumping into her calls before seeing if May could handle it - not condoning her behaviour - I don’t like her and bullying is never acceptable or ok, especially from an older woman who should know better towards a young woman.)

Athena on scene at the fire - she’s not at work - she’s in civies and its interesting that, for her they’re fairly feminine, I don’t mean in a ‘girly’ way at all and I’m not implying that she’s not feminine in general because we’ve seen it in previous seasons, but this is probably the most feminine we’ve seen her this season, the coat is relatively dressy - its a coat dress, and its also got tied fluted sleeves. to me it seems to be symbolising Athena becoming more herself - healing from the Jeffery case and also possibly away from her cop persona. Its going to be really interesting to see if we start to see some development around her moving away from being a cop and finding a new role/ career for herself by the end of the season.

Then we have the final Grant Nash scene to close out the episode and you know what it filled my heart with joy because there were so many awesome costuming things going on. Athena - in colour again - and yellow to boot!! Athenas colour palette is generally on the more muted side - browns, creams, kaki’s, blacks and greys with the occasional colour thrown in (such as wearing red at various times), so to see her in yellow was amazing (and Angela looks incredible in that shade of yellow!) I’ve said in previous posts that yellow is a colour of communication and my theory held up here - Athena communicated - not only with words, but also physically, therapy really looks good on her!

the other thing of note from this scene is that Bobby, May and Harry are all in the same colour ways as in the scene at the beginning of the episode - reaffirming the thoughts and feelings expressed from those scenes. that David is in a brown/cream striped jumper is also nice - because it continues to fit with my theory about stripes representing new paths for a character to choose to take.

If you’ve made it to the end of my meta then I applaud you, give you gold stars ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️ and thank you for plowing on through my periphrasis. Buck and Eddie are representing my hugs to you

As always my inbox is open for any asks you may have 💜💜💜

[simonalkenmayer]

Hello Simon, your advice against marriage and what you said about it had me thinking. And you are right for all the reasons you gave, but I also think that it's different for queer people since marriage protects them from certain situations.

A spouse has more rights than biological relatives after all, and particularly for people who have homophobic or transphobic relatives, being married it's important to keep them away in difficult situations like health stuff or even if one dies. Well at least in places where queer people can get married, in my country it's not legal for gay and lesbian couples to marry and trans people can't marry AT ALL with anyone. And that sucks because homophobic and transphobic relatives can and Will destroy your or your partners life given the opportunity. It happened and happens more than one thinks, life or death decisions made, or taking money houses and stuff from their partners and leaving them in poverty or homelessness. And other legal ways do little and cost too much.

I don't know if cishet couples ever think about it, or ever had problems like that as much as queer people. Marriage seems to give them more problems than good things. But marriage seems to be a faster and cheaper solution to avoid and legally keep away shitty relatives.

Or do you happen to know a better way? I would like to know since where I live marriage is not an option for everyone. Maybe a testament and giving legal power to take decisions and manage your legal stuff could work? 🤔 it's expensive over there to do that? It could be an alternative to getting married, but it would legally keep away shitty relatives like marriage does?

What are your thoughts and advices on this?

I can absolutely understand an LGBTQ+ person wanting to marry and using it as a legal form of protection. Absolutely. I’d still advise keeping finances separate. As for things like inheritance and legal decision making for a partner should they be injured, there are such things as living wills and legal power of attorney.

Please see the attached resources:

https://www.lawdepot.com/blog/legal-protection-for-couples-who-arent-legally-married/

As for insurance benefits, I’m sorry to say that in this country with this backward system, I don’t know of any way to obtain insurance from another’s benefits except by marriage.

In any case, my thoughts on marriage have to do with watching how people behave when the relationship changes. To me, marriage seems like a kind of prison. Granted it doesn’t have to be, but I have seen much better relationships among unmarried partners, versus married. I think it’s a decision that requires a great deal of contemplation, but people all too quickly get into it and then find that they didn’t give it proper thought.

So if you do choose to marry, I still advise keeping your finances separate and credit debt separate. I’d advise not changing your legal name. I’d also advise a prenuptial agreement. These are not “codified doubts against your partner” they are protections for you in every and all aspects.

Here’s a situation as example: I knew a couple who had been together for over 25 years, but we’re not married. One had health problems. The medical bills piled up so high, that they had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. However, because they weren’t married and their partner still had employment and good credit, the ill partner was protected and could live with them and be cared for without both of them being pulled under. They had legal power of attorney, so when that person’s health was at its worse, their partner could visit and make medical decisions for them. They also had children together, and because they didn’t have a bankruptcy hanging over the whole family, the children were also protected. Life insurance was also paying out to the healthy partner, because they were the beneficiary, so if the ill partner died, the healthy one still had support.

Yes you get tax benefits and other exemptions and rights, but with the country as it is, and almost no recognition of common law marriage, it’s simply more cautious not to marry in my opinion.

[tendermiasma]

i’m not even into overwatch anymore but i just wanted to say I ADORE your art style and hope to develop my own into a similar semi-realism leaning...have you made a post about your art journey? I’m assuming I just need to buckle down and do anatomy studies but any tips are very welcome!! Ty for your time <3

Oh man thank you! I’ve never made a comprehensive post about how I got to *gestures* whatever this point in my art this is, and I definitely sat here wondering what “art journey” means for me since I always feel like I’m stumbling around so I’ll answer as completely as I can. But a great way to develop a realism-minded eye is to draw from photos and life. Everyone in the world has said it over and over but it really gets it done, it’s not any more complicated than that. It’s how I started when I was little and it’s not something I planned, but the Legolas posters were right there so how could I not? Your own non-realism “stylistic” touch will bubble up whether you want it to or not and that’s a beautiful thing. It’s not something you need to look for because it happens on its own, whether it’s you seeing something another artist is doing that you like and assimilating it into your work, or it’s your own unique way that you absorb information from the world and use it to solve problems in the drawing in front of you. Some new artists also still have the idea that using references is cheating-- I’m not blaming them, sometimes this weird thing is circulated by more established people as well-- but this is a very small minority. Please use references. I’d be lost without them. The Castlevania team has a giant collection of references for faces of every character from every angle, props, etc. and I always have a second screen up with 10 different sheets of whoever I’m drawing. Feeding yourself info is essential to getting better. Look at how other artists handle something you’re having a problem with too. If they’re doing a similar pose or something, study their drawing and ask yourself what specifically, extremely technically about that drawing is convincing-- what marks are where, and what is the quality or direction of the strokes? Try it out on your own drawing. If you’re stuck, become aware of if you’re holding on too tightly to what you think something should look like. I have to remind myself this as well. Really try to let go of the idea you have in your head about how something works and simply try instead to draw what you see, even if it feels weird. The results are often pleasantly surprising. 

I have a funny relationship with studies. You seem to be looking at them like a chore and I feel the same way. It’s impossible for me to sit down and just draw something over and over, disconnected from emotion or a larger narrative. I think a wonderful way to “study” is to incorporate those studies into a project that you wanted to do anyway. I’ve used my minicomics to get better at background painting or specific figure poses that I needed for the story but wasn’t sure how to do. I’m a very “oops I need it now better learn TODAY” kind of artist, if that suits you better than buckling down and doing anatomy studies for hours. Both are great ways to improve, but you have options for how to get there. 

In terms of how much time I spend drawing.. well lol it’s a lot. I almost typed “but I don’t do it every day” but yes, my jobs have made sure that I do (I tend to separate personal drawing and job drawing). But the truth is, to get better, a lot of very focused drawing time is important; how much of it is up to you and your schedule. You can sit down for 6 hours and doodle or you can sit down for 3 with an extremely critical eye. It’s about the volume of time as well as focus and I don’t have a clear answer for it, but I can point to one specific year in my life where I made artistic progress like I’ve never seen from myself since. I drew a comic with regular updates during that time and, looking back, the art was not good. But the point was, I was drawing for 7 hours a day after work, at least 5 days a week, and actively looking to draw things that I hadn’t done before or knew that I wasn’t good at, and the result was that every single update was almost like it was drawn by a different person-- readers noticed and commented on the progress as well. It was very much an art bootcamp and I wouldn’t have the skills I do at this point if I hadn’t done it. It’s important that you’re loving what you do if you do it for yourself! That’s how you get through big projects and continue to be excited with where you are. Love is one of the most important motivators and discipline-keepers in art, in my experience. Draw what sets your brain on fire and attack it wholeheartedly even if it’s really weird or niche, not what you think you should be drawing, and you’ll improve a million times faster.

Art journey in terms of what I’ve done with my life (if this is what you meant from the beginning I’M SORRY I’m just trying everything you might have meant) uhhh I haven’t been to art school. I have no idea what my relationship with art would be like now if I’d had any formal training and I don’t really dwell on it. I could either be a testament to being able to get by without it or an example of someone who has no idea what she’s doing at all and lacks many basic foundational art skills. I have an architecture degree. I love architecture, I love the language of space we build for ourselves, and I’m truly, deeply glad for that eye-opening and often grueling experience, but I think my current field is a much better fit. Before animation I worked as a graphic designer mainly drawing storyboards for commercials and internal-industry stuff-- lots and lots of quick colored sketches (one of our main clients was a big glass company and my god I never thought I’d draw so much glass in my life). I was able to do that job due to the skills I developed through personal work. Maybe I’d be a hundred times more powerful if I went to art school! Maybe I’d be completely burned out and bitter and not drawing anymore at all! I just don’t know. I have friends who have had both experiences. Whether you choose art school or not it’s best to keep tabs on if the art you’re currently making brings you joy. Joy and struggle aren’t mutually exclusive. Oftentimes I’m drawing something I care deeply about but it’s VERY FUCKING HARD and I’m frustrated but it’s worth it.

I also do everything while being very scared of the thing. I have a lot of deep-seated anxiety that I’m constantly trying to root out and my brain compulsively twists things around into why I can’t do something, why people secretly know I’m below-par and are just too nice to tell me, how I’m “tricking” people into thinking I’m better than I am, etc. It’s so bad that my first thought when I was initially offered the art test for my current job was to say no; not because I didn’t want it so badly it hurt, but because I thought I’d be too much of a disappointment.  After completing the test I spent an hour figuring out the most gracious way to apologize for not being enough. It’s common, but not something to accept and we’re all working on it. I just thought it was important to mention because art is also a mental journey and forces you to do all this navel-gazey shit in order to advance, and feeling like you are Not Enough is rife in the creative community. The work feels entangled with my value as a person because art is a massive part of my life. Something I’m learning is that I don’t have to be confident or sure of myself all the time. This ensures that the process is usually painful and frightening. Often there’s no way to make it less painful or frightening, and I just have to hold my breath and do it. An oddly comforting thing to me the past couple years is to remind myself that the scary thing I’m about to do won’t be the scariest thing I’ll ever do. I implies both that this isn’t the pinnacle of my progress and also that I will inevitably get over it. If you continue with art you’re going to run into things like this and I guess if it was me it would’ve been helpful to know I’m not alone in it.

I hope that maybe answered some of your questions, maybe? If you have some specific questions feel free and I’ll try my best. Hope you have a good day/night!

[vaguely-concerned]

X-men Evolution; the great 2021 rewatch liveblog

exactly what it says on the tin, about halfway through the show I had TOO MANY FEELINGS and had to start writing some of them out haha (gets quite gambit & rogue/gambit heavy in the latter half, Because of Who I Am as a Person)

- this is my childhood’s x-men, my formative experience with them, and I’m happy to report that still seems like a good thing. the little eleven year old within me gets to geek out and have a good time with the characters and the surprisingly good animation and writing, adult me gets to CACKLE at regular intervals at the fashion/technology/absolute bonkers hot garbage comic book nonsense they use to justify a storyline every now and then, it’s been a good time 

- I was like ‘ah well it is super dated it probably won’t be quite the same now’ and then rogue’s HAIR did the THING in the opening and ‘it’s all coming back to me now’ started playing in the background... the little baby queer in me swooning across time and space

- such a good beast, both his design and the writing, my heart aches for him all the time. he’s just so passionate! about being a teacher! helping young humans learn the stuff they’ll need in life! the most wonderful nerd man, just let good things happen for him

- I’m going to go ahead and assume that rogue’s ‘crush’ on scott is more of a deeply complex psychological process about desiring normalcy and intimacy and trying to figure out if she’s queer and dealing with her emerging sexuality and latching on to the first and best safely unavailable and nonthreatening older boy to project these issues onto rather than actually being a real thing, because I respect her so much as a person and I cannot bring myself to imagine she’s honestly attracted to a man who has POSTERS OF CARS on his bedroom wall. (I’ll give jean a break just because she seems to have a longer deeper history with him that might counteract some of that libido-kill, and also she’s a jock so lol)

like I am very sorry but can u imagine being a teenage girl with any interest in a boy with model cars in his bedroom when gambit’s swanning around being a much, much, much worse choice on almost every possible level but in a teen girl kryptonite kind of way? inconceivable  

(I drag scott quite a few times in this and it’s not because I don’t love him, it’s just his tragedy to be the most draggable man in the world)

to be fair by the time gambit shows up that whole Situation has mostly played itself out I suppose but still  

- toad’s design is so ineffably brilliant, I can’t quite tell you why but that ugly cute charm has really stuck with me, he’s one of the characters I remembered the best to this day just visually

- poor evan... he truly never had a chance, did he, they just saddled him with the most 90s teen bullshit they could come up with like he’s some kind of ‘what adult writers think teens like’ frankenstein’s monster ;______; it’s not your fault honey

- poor poor POOR storm, she gets one focus episode and they were like ‘we’re going to make an episode so racist -- ‘

I’m still STUNNED at how bad it was, but undeniably I laughed hysterically to the point that my neighbours were probably worried when that dude was earnestly like ‘He [stunningly breathlessly racist caricature of a ‘witch doctor’ guy] has stolen her powers, and he’s going to use them to take over Africa!!!’ fhajsdlfhsakjldfh oh really? tell me more, like how the fUCK this could be on television within my life time fasdlfhsdkjfhsad f  just... fahjksdfh

- it’s a testament to gambit’s appeal as a character that his charm can survive what they’ve done with his hair and beard choices in this one fajskfhs regrettable but true I still fuckn LOVE him and in my highly biased yet Correct opinion he should have been around much more. get you a man who manages to stay hot through sheer Vibes even with a bowl cut

- aw scott/jean is kind of sweet in this show even if it’s taking them forEVER to get there, I like it 

- it’s very nice of rogue to not mention magneto’s romantic daydreams and nostalgic memories about charles xavier after touching his face that one time... or maybe her brain did her a service and repressed it, there’s some stuff you shouldn’t have to know about your father figure   

- the danger room is the very definition of ‘why do we even have that lever’ and I wonder what the fuck prof x does to have enough money to replace everything that gets busted all the time

- I’d say that a lot of the writing holds up surprisingly well! (but some of it is also incredibly inexcusably racist in ways that beggar belief, so... not full marks here) the characters have distinct voices and their arcs are set up and delivered on solidly for the most part, and there’s a lot of love showing through in small moments that are just there to have a funny/interesting thing to say about the characters and how their powers work separately and in combination. listen, sometimes I get so thirsty for like. basic goddamn competency in storytelling, let me have this

- ugggggh why is there captain america in my x-men have I not suffered enough... very very funny when prof x goes ‘sounds like you knew rogers personally’ and logan is like ‘I did ;)’ *all the students ganging up on steve rogers* “did you fuck our teacher, captain america?!”

- fskadfhas WHY are you showing me hot young-ified magneto’s ass fksjahfskj charles is not even here to see it, what a tragic waste erik 

- ...I was sort of kidding before but uh I think logan genuinely did fuck captain america (or at least wishes very much that he did lol)

- wanda can have a little watching the world burn. as a treat for the way every single adult in her life has fucking failed her (’aren’t they treating you well here’ professor x she’s in a straightjacket)  

- poor rogue tho can you imagine finding out after your biggest crush on a girl yet that she’s your fucking MOM in disguise... I would break out in cold sweat every time I thought about a boob forever after

- well seems like they really just had all that homoerotic rivalry stuff between quicksilver and spyke in their first ep only to never do anything with that again ever?? I mean even without the gay undertone that seems like a dynamic you spent most of an episode setting up writers what the hell haha

- dslhfkasjlh GAMBIT THERE HE IS MY BOY IS ON THE SCENE THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I don’t even care about his awful hair situation or the fact that his eyes are wrong here (coloured contact lenses, maybe, for a watsonian explanation? though he’d probably have to get them made special, considering he needs the sclera and the iris covered up in different ways, I’ve seen some comic panels indicating he has been known to?)

(cute little detail: when he shuffles the cards the first time we see him he ends with removing the top card to show the ace of hearts beneath <3 foreshadowing baBEY he’s a... good-ish boy deep down. hey he tries okay shit gets complicated sometimes lol) 

- cracking UP at gambit perched cheerily on the edge of a crate dispensing cards in the middle of the battle... he’s like ‘eh it’s a livin’ sfsajkhf remy stop working for supervillains just because you had nothing to do on a thursday afternoon and they said they’d pay you

- I’m guessing magneto must have imposed a strict order of silence on these guys or something because I cannot imagine any other reason for him to shut up, especially once he notices rogue is a QTE (or, far more likely, they hadn’t settled on any voice actors for the new characters until next season haha. it is kind of odd that they’re all keeping up near monastic silence, though, even sabertooth lol) 

- WHAT an epic first meeting for us rogue/gambit fans here... first his shadow like there’s fireworks going off behind him lighting him up and then he gives her the fuckn king of hearts and she’s so enchanted by his dumb handsome face she doesn’t even notice it’s about to blow up in her hands and it all happens in heavily meaningful silence afjsdfjashjk no wonder this ship ingrained itself in my hindbrain  

yeah look smug while you can remy she’s gonna have you on your knees one day and you’ll be happy about it lol

- god storm is so COOL, everything just fading out of focus when she really gets going... give her more screen time, show!!

- mystique is every person... this person... that person... that bird... that cat... that wolf... I’m not even sure she’s not also me... are you sure she’s not you? 

- holy fuck I respect the hell out of the decision to just... blow up the entire status quo in a season ender, I only vaguely remembered that (actually in general I appreciate how good the continuity is -- buildings and places that get damaged in battles need to be repaired or rebuilt, it makes the consequences feel more real even when no one gets seriously hurt. where they get the money to restore scott’s car and logan’s motorbikes every time they go cablooie is still an open question tho lol is it credit card fraud, professor? is it telepathically acquired blackmail???) 

- I first watched this when I was nine or so, so it’s a real experience to go from my starry eyed intrigued ‘oh my god... they’re teenagers’ to my horrified adult perspective of ‘oh my god... they’re TEENAGERS D:’

that goes double for the brotherhood boys honestly, I’m here with tears in my eyes like ‘I’m sorry the system has failed you so badly you’re all just a bunch of dumb kids whose caretakers clearly fucked up spectacularly’  

like lance is always waiting for mystique to come back because she’s the closest thing he has to a safe parental figure, may we speak about how crushingly depressing that is 

- rogue is so ready to throw hands at literally any moment and for that I love and treasure her immensely (I think getting to see her be so surly and unreasonable and sometimes difficult and jealous, like any teenager, meant a lot to me as a kid who was not really allowed to be any of these things, this version of the character has stayed with me so deeply. she holds on so fiercely to her right to feel what she feels and be what she is even when it’s ‘ugly’ or unreasonable, which I think plays in really interestingly with how her powers involve getting invaded by other people’s thoughts and memories to the point of overwhelming her own sense of self and the fact that she clearly has a lot of self-loathing and self-consciousness and confusion about her identity as well. I love her so much)  

- oooof this is the ‘the gang experience a microaggression’ episode huh (well more like macroagressions really)

hits a bit different with adult eyes and perspective huh

- hearing jean sound almost like a child when she says ‘that’s so unfair!’ somehow has me like ;______; -- she has to be so adult and responsible all the time, and having her be reduced to the kid she still is and should get to be in front of this awful awful man she could squash like a bug with the flick of a thought... ugh I’m Big Sad (it is funny that jean seemingly plays Every Sport tho djfhaskj)

- MY BOY IS BACK!!! this time with the duster coat and his eyes the right colour, im so happy (too bad about the subdued colour scheme tho; I adore his dumb bright pink getup with my whole heart)

it’s kind of adorable that he takes the time to take the bullies aside and go ‘I know these guys can’t wreck you without getting expelled, but I think you’ll find no law set down by god or man would stop me from doing so whenever I wanted to. so piss off and leave them alone’ lol he’s looking out for them, in his own way

- in this episode: remy lebeau wrangles some kids while looking bored yet mildly amused the whole time. what the fuck does magneto have on you for you to agree to this level of babysitting duty buddy

- fun detail I noticed b/c when I get a fave I hyperfixate: he gave rogue the king of hearts before, but he ‘introduces’ himself to the brotherhood here (lol) with the jack of hearts, probably to symbolize he’s here as someone who works for magneto in this setting and not as his own man? it’s a demotion he’s given himself there, anyway, might be he’s not very pleased about his current position huh 

- I like it when rogue and kitty team up, they’re not very effective together but their squabbling is so cute and non-aggressive 

- pietro is what draco malfoy would be if I ever found malfoy interesting to watch for even one moment, every time quicksilver talks I’m like ‘what wonderfully insufferable thing is going to come out of your mouth this time you little shit :’)’

- a) why are scott and logan shirtless for this scene? I am not complaining on the logan side of things at least but why and b) I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch when scott asked logan if he’d ever been in love and he was like ‘once. she was the most beautiful bike I ever saw’ falsdfhaskjfhsakjlfhasklhjfd THE BEST VERSION OF WOLVERINE EVER, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES 

- mystique’s sheer dedication to being a petty bitch is kind of inspirational tbh, almost makes me want to go on a completely bonkers and extra crusade of personal revenge myself  

- oooh they’re doing some genuinely cool things with vision/lack of vision in this one (it’s the scott left on his own in the desert without glasses one btw) even visually, dang! I’m so sad this show didn’t get more seasons than it did, honestly, it deserved it

- hell yeah jean wreck her, go get your man with the suspiciously specific clothing damage normally done to female characters 

awww :’) okay yeah they’re super sweet, I love the tiny loving animation details like how he leans his head against her and her stroking his hair away from his eyes

- nooo don’t bully evan leave my t0tally r4dical sk8er boy alone :(

- I love the running joke of people fleeing in blind panic only to reveal that what they’re running from is kitty’s cheerful well meaning little face fskfaskh 

- scott and jean are already peak married after officially being together for one episode and it’s adorable, and they just stone cold threw logan under the bus, rip wolverine we hardly knew ya

fjasdlfasldfhslajdkfhsadkjlfhsdkjalfhsdakfh h jean establishing herself as the alphabitch of this relationship by throwing her man to the wolves right after dsjfhaskjfhaskjhfsakjdhfaskjhfaskdhfskjahfskdajhf get smarter or get volunteered scott 

- ...eyepatch lady is so hot ngl

oh evan went to the place hank used to go to calm down ;________; (honestly he’s kind of won a place in my heart just by being a pretty normal teenage boy haha)

- jesus fucking CHRIST can you imagine being storm having to look her sister in the eye as she tells her ‘I lost your only child, he’s *vague gesture* somewhere in the sewers we think’ this poor woman

- amanda the self admitted monster fucker you are so VALID (I love her and her family’s design so much tho!)

- it’s so cool that even in his human ‘disguise’ kurt’s fingers follow the shape of his actual hand beneath it rather than moving like a five fingered hand, it’s such a lovingly consistent little detail 

- magneto and mystique in a breathless race to see who can be the shittiest parent... tune in next week for yet another parental nadir (also some low-poly gambit appearances in this one, for those at home keeping score (me), he’s in the background looking like someone drew him with their eyes closed fakjldfhasd look how they massacred my boy)

- someone please teach the brotherhood boys about consent huh

- jean ‘soccer mom before her time’ grey and her SUV dfhakjlhds :’)

- im sobbing rogue baby girl i’m so sorryyyyyy, this voice actress is so good, my parental instincts suddenly kicked into overdrive hearing the crack in her voice :( (bb me was right tho rogue centric episodes ARE the best episodes. that tension between ‘do I identify witn this character or am I crushing on her?? both???’ now has the fun new addition of ‘oh god oh no you are a baby I want to shield you with my body from everything trying to hurt you’)

- mystique is like ‘so you see despite you telling me you never wanted to see me again I completely disrespected that and posed as a friend your age, manipulated you by offering you the mirage of direly needed emotional intimacy and belonging and added some sprinkles of homoerotic tension to it just to massively worsen your already existing grievous psychosexual trauma and identity issues... out of love’

god go jump in a black hole you fucking monster 

- there’s some very interesting and quite subtle subtext about the people she’s morphing into and what that says about her mental state/how it shows off some of her emotional baggage with the rest of the team. it’s like she’s switching between people/powers that fit the purpose as if she’s going through cycles of fight/flight (and then bursts of freeze where she’s herself, which is... so sad)

- this whole episode is hurting my heart but rogue at full power is undeniably epic  

 - ‘professor x get your goddamn act together and get this poor girl some fucking tHERAPY’ challenge

- SAFE PAPA LOGAN ;_____;

- EYYYYYY opening straight on My Lad, I cannot stop winning!!!!! 

fasdfhsad disintegrating the window with a smiley face... remy I do love you more than my heart can bear honestly, hello may we speak about the fact that his urge to be a little shit is so deep and strong it survives mind control (that little breathed out ‘hiah!’ as he vaults the fence too dsakfjsd)

hahaha and he does up the coat fhsalfdsaj 

- magneto dismissing other telepaths like ‘puh-lease, your Meaningful Looks have got nothing on my ex-husband’s’ 

- :’) rogue and kurt sibling timeees

- say what you want but this pyro guy’s got job satisfaction in being a creepy arsonist with a weird recurring horse theme (well at least twice but still weird)

- I love how beast is the kindest man to ever walk the earth but also straight up savage, this man drags people so hard their ancestors wince in their graves

- gambit taking the time to complete the guard’s game of solitaire -- this episode is giving me everything I want. u little disgrace mr lebeau

and THEN he takes the spider out in the most hilariously bonkers way my heart is so FULL

(I love that when magneto moves by he looks startled and has to quickly move his head out of the way to avoid getting kicked in the temple too that’s a fun detail)

I’m so INTO how this sequence shows off that his greatest strength isn’t even his powers (which are pretty straightforward, really, he makes go boom, longer time and bigger thing bigger boom) but that he’s clever and creative and always extremely ready to be the most harebrained-bananapants-extra-in-a-deceptively-laidback-sort-of-way person in the room (I actually have some genuinely Deep Thoughts about how his whole character does a really interesting thing with having the straightforwardly destructive nature of his powers yield to what his nature as a person is, and how using the playing cards play (heh) into it, maybe I’ll write it out some day. just the fact that he could use anything, but he deliberately chose something that adds style and playfulness and corny charm to it and that also limits the damage of the explosions compared to if he habitually used something with more mass... I find it fascinating how much he’s made a story around himself with it and how deeply it shows he does have a good heart, at the end of the day, in almost a metatextual way. he doesn’t want to destroy things or people, he’s at worst (and best lol) a thief.)

- I honestly have literally no memory of white nick fury (which seems so weird now isn’t it funny) in this series from when I was a kid, he clearly did not make an impression on me lol

- mr wolverine ‘assigned canadian at birth’ x-men 

- oh man I dig the androgynity of x-23′s outfit (even tho they had to compensate with the long hair, which... kind of doesn’t make sense in-universe but does on a design level because it’s a crucial thing that she’s a female clone of logan so yeah okay fine whatever have your arbitrary gender markers if you must haha)

ooooooh that’s actually really clever, they make her gender gradually more obvious as she unravels through the episode and her outfit changes -- first the mask coming off, and then her jacket opening to show her silhouette more clearly, that’s cool!  

- my god what really sets this show apart is how much it invests in little character and relationship moments, it’s just so fucking GOOD! it gives laura looking in on those moments such depth and weight because it’s new to her but established to us as an audience, this is how you make found family devastating people (storm growing bonsai trees is so charming too haha) 

- ooof this is honestly quite harrowing 

SHE’S SO SMALL COMPARED TO HIM I’M CRYING (at least that part of his genes translated over faslkfsjdh short king, I say this with all the love and support of a fellow short monarch)  

- tabitha seems to just be running around doing precisely whatever the fuck she wants and you know what I support her even if she is an asshole her father left her a bunch of trauma and no fucks left to give 

- still thrilled about professor x explaining the spider key fuckup to magneto after the fact like ‘magnus you dumb bitch this is why we split up’ 

- awww kitty has anime and movie posters on her wall and sleeps with a stuffed toy :’)

-          remy                           rogue

                              🤝

doing completely unnecessary parkour around the brotherhood living room seemingly just for the hell of it... I’m not saying soulmates but fucking soulmates 

- fhsadkjlfhsakjldfhsadjkfhsdajkfh just as gambit’s soul-level need to be a little shit survived his bout of mind control, rogue’s deep and urgent desire to kiss gambit full on the mouth survived hers I can’t breathe

she looks so pleased with herself too GOOD FOR YOU GIRL at least get something out of this other than more trauma 

also not only the fact that he’s smart enough to figure out what’s going on (though he’s only partially right about who’s behind it. I do so enjoy gambit/mystique deep and sincere antipathy as a constant across all universes tho lmao pure wlw/mlm hostility) but also that he keeps fending her off like he’s not trying to hurt her even though she’s in nigh on unstoppable and invulnerable terminator mode... awww 

- gambit having absolutely no patience for wolverine and sabertooth’s bullshit macho-off and consistently being this little biker trio’s one brain cell is adding years to my life with every passing moment

his voice is a little different in these scenes too, a bit softer and less like he’s trying to impress someone, it’s nice

- hank: well I barely recognize any of these (completely made up) ‘ancient egyptian hieroglyphs’ but from what I can make out -- *proceeds to infodump a perfect coherent narrative* fjdhfak  

listen this whole thing is such nonsense on so many levels, I’m just turning my brain off so I won’t have to think about it okay, the compulsion to put ancient aliens in egypt haunts us as a culture 

- I am CACKLING about gambit in the snow after having to listen to these two chucklefucks ooze testosterone at each other for hours

he started out taking it in good cheer and is now reduced to ‘dieu would both of you just jump off this fUCKING mountain please’

- ah. a little oops-a-daisy there, we seem to have unleashed the apocalypse. please stand by (they really don’t pull their punches with the season cliffhangers in this show haha)

- opening the season on gambit’s merrily grinning face is the easiest way to gain my favour. yes good this season may commence 

baby u r my

 ANGELLLLLLLL

(he’s so cute here tho haha I think it shows the design isn’t unsalvagable, just get him better hair and stubble more like logan has and you’ve basically got it) 

love his exasperated eyeroll when the dude gets spooked (by his eyes? or just the general weirdness?) too

he’s just trying to keep this crazy family of evil mutants together and unmurdered by one another until they’ve managed to avert the end of the world, bless him  

- oh NO rogue’s LIP wobbles my hhhhhheart ;____; such a good animation detail to put in

- like... I know kurt is just a sad scared teenager with a lot of shit going on and all the adults are too busy averting the end of the world to help him... but buddy maybe don’t ask your sister to wake her abuser (who forced her to kickstart the end of the world!!!!!) when she feels utterly unsafe even with her statue version around huh

- ...wanda is good and I want only good things for her. and for her dad to be disemboweled for what he did to her both the first time around and when he forced her to forget I mean what 

- magneto throwing an epic satelite-slinging tantrum b/c ‘no I am the biggest sexiest strongest mutant of the pack :(’... erik fucking get over yourself 

- yes boys absolutely go along with a plan suggested by a dude who looks at you like this 

nothing bad can come of this surely asdfkhsa

- lance’s quarter of a braincell always trying to go ‘hey wait, maybe... not do this???’ and it never helps lol

- in this episode: Logan Has A Bad Day 

...some very specific bondage positions he’s held in here, I am sure this episode awakened something in someone once upon a time lol 

- logan shielding x-23 with his body... im fine it’s okay I’m not crying don’t look at me

- afsdhlsdfjasdlk those sure are some ‘scottish’ accents flsadkjhkdsjahfsd

- scott relieved to finally be able to cede the position of ‘charles xavier’s least favourite son’ to someone else fjsaklfhsajd (poor scott it’s not your fault honey)

supremely cowardly to suggest there is an ex-wife involved rather than charles slutting his way around the british isles back in the day but okay

- kurt with a cold is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. it’s okay kid it’ll get better soon

- ...is there an implication here that professor x is naturally blond. because I am losing my entire little mind about it (i mean he at least has to carry the gene, as does this lady?)

ETA: upon doing some research into this I can indeed confirm that charles xavier does seem to be naturally blond, and after this knowledge I will never be the same 

- “listen, dracula” fskdafghasd oh scott you sweet baby angel I love you

- I know jean’s abilities are a bit ‘as strong or as weak as the plot needs right now’ at this point (so you can have the setup for what’s going to happen with them eventually and she’s basically invincible ;____;), and normally I’m cool with it but god I want her to just squash lucas like a little bug

- ewwwww please don’t ever say ‘daddy’ like that again

- ...what the fuck is even going on this episode’s a mess 

like okay the split personality thing could be something but the way it’s done... what just happened lol

- MY BOY EVAN IS BACK! with a real glowup too (...though kind of weird how he suddenly looks like a grown man)

- augh scott’s eyes are so pretty oh my god ;__________________________;

- that episode in the first season where evan makes the ‘this is my new family!!’ video is so sad now (also, again, his poor poor parents) 

- time for: life affirming road trip with gambit (involuntary) faskljdfhaskjd

stunt therapist remy lebeau 

- I mean the way he goes about it is batshit insane and it’s very much secondary to what he’s actually up to but this is the first time rogue’s sounded genuinely hopeful and confident and like herself in like a season <3 

- he is disconcertingly pleased about her nearly throwing him off the train, and may I just say I agree it’s so nice to see rogue with her old fire back 

- the first time I watched this it was of course dubbed into norwegian, so I had no idea either of these characters were southern lol (though to be fair I probably wouldn’t have had much context for what it meant exactly either, I was like ten at the time and not too interested in america) I seem to dimly remember the norwegian voice actor did a little more of a ‘french’-tinged accent for gambit all over tho haha  

- you know what respect where it’s due, pyro dude knows to live his life for the lols and one has to admire his sociopathic dedication to it

interesting that he, too, seems to have fucking hated magneto -- I wonder if the implication here is that he kept all the acolytes in line with blackmail or by keeping something/one hostage? (except sabertooth maybe he’d just have to say ‘you get to fuck shit up and fight wolverine’ and that’d be enough)

- fsdakfhsd he’s so focused on her he doesn’t notice that guy about to hit him fkafhsa 

- fuck everything else except whatever the hell these two’ve got going on

- it’s weirdly cathartic to have rogue have a conversation with someone who was not happily adopted as well, I don’t think kurt like. gets it because his parents loved him unconditionally and still do 

birds of a feather motherfucker  

- fun detail: when the x-men team are on the shore and logan is sniffing around scott is stepping in something and trying to wipe it off his boots in the background

- when he wakes up after passing out from the touch he’s smiling even though she’s standing over him looking like the rage of god outlined by the moon fsajfsa well the last time he passed out like that it was from a kiss, maybe he still has some hopes and dreams in that direction lol (also he recovers from the tumble down the hill first and is checking on her before accidentally brushing her cheek with his hand, which I thought was sweet) 

and it was in that moment he knew he fucked up *passes out*

- ‘I can explain’ can u remy. can u  

- did it ever even occur to you to just. ask her. to help you. I mean I know it didn’t but like rogue’s always one second away from throwing hands with some bully and is stupidly ride or die, if you’d given her the puppydog eyes she would have crumbled immediately (fair enough I guess this entire episode is telling us he’s not from a background where he has much experience with people just helping him without a price haha) 

- his eyes glowing when he’s angry or upset or using a lot of his power is undeniably cool as all hell. I’m just saying it would be Big Sexy if they sort of flickered with light in moments of genuine vulnerability okay  

- his coat... his coat is what makes the Silhouette tm and I could not be happier about it 

- another parent of the year contestant enters the running lol “hey remy have you ever considered that you’re more of a walking bomb factory than a person? that’s certainly how I think of you hahaha c’mon kid let’s go” 

- the running joke of jean luc getting dollar signs in his eyes seeing the other mutant powers and gambit being like ‘nO!!!!’ and pulling him along is amazing haha

- from the way he looks when he touches rogue accidentally and the way he talks to his dad I’m sort of getting the feeling this gambit might actually be a bit younger than he looks?

here too -- idk why but it’s making the ‘wait is he baby???’ alarms go off in my head haha. very early twenties at most. 

- and we’ve officially seen him with all the face cards in the heart suit folks! (yes this is the sort of thing my brain notices no I don’t know either)

- poor logan running his ass off this whole episode in a panic and then she’s like ‘nah he’s fine (in several meanings of the word ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) please put him down’ hfaskfsda

- rogue without makeup!!! her eyes look so naked like this haha <3

- oooh here’s a really interesting thing that tickles my brain a bit in this specific part of the scene where gambit frees his dad -- the part where he’s leaning against the door frame waiting for jean luc, who’s about to suggest using the opportunity to ruin the rival gang from the inside rather than slipping away while they still can

from his expression here he knows what’s about to happen, what jean luc is about to say, and it’s clearly a ‘man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of situation. he KNOWS what jean luc is like, and it still hurts that he really, honestly can’t give him even this, can’t appreciate that remy’s already done all this shit for him when he extremely didn’t have to, without immediately (no really, it took him less than ten seconds to go there? jesus) demanding more.  

remy tells him “I’m just here for you” and jean luc does not understand it. remy seems to be sincere in this motivation -- rogue certainly thinks so, having experienced it second hand and found enough at least emotional merit in it to decide he was worth saving even after all his bullshit (lol a bit of a running theme maybe. I think it’s very telling that after she absorbed mystique she was like ‘what the FUCK you’re a fucking monster’, and after she absorbed gambit she went ‘you did the wrong thing for the right reasons’ after she got over the first wave of outrage) 

there’s also what he says as he stands there: “You don’t need me for that”, with the distinct implication that jean luc would only keep him around because he has a use for him and for no other reason -- and then jean luc shamelessly doubles down on that by specifying that it’s not even him he’s got a use for as such, just his powers. that’s some kicking puppies level of deliberately missing the point, it’s almost impressive in how cheerfully mean it is haha

this idea of using people is really important in this episode because remy’s doing basically exactly the same thing to rogue to begin with; it doesn’t really matter to his plan that it’s her that’s with him through this, just what her powers are. (I think it’s  p r e t t y  solidly implied that he does actually like her a lot outside of that too and maybe there is some comfort in having her around for this, but mostly he’s behind a smokescreen of lies through the whole thing sooo I doubt he’s even aware of it, honestly)     

but then it does matter that it’s her when she comes back for him, even after what he did. and unlike jean luc he understands what that means, that she did that for him, and that she didn’t have to. and instead of asking her for more, in return he gives her the thing it’s been established is what he considers the most valuable thing he has; his ‘last card’, the thing he’s credited with keeping him alive many a time, basically. it’s gone from using to mutuality, a tentative place of friendship, and at the end of the day he is a different man than his adoptive father, with a capacity for selflessness and love he lacks. which is of course some of the same stuff going on with rogue and mystique too, except rogue acted from a more fragile and unstable place and did something she regrets, or at least has a LOT of doubts about now, and she found some catharsis in helping someone make a different choice in a similar situation. man there’s some Stuff going on under the surface here haha

(by the way it’s a weirdly... meaningless yet intensely meaningful thing, the gifting of a symbol? of an idea? but he’s putting something very crucial of himself into her hands, is the subtext, and he expects her to understand, which she also does seem to do. at the beginning of the episode he’s proving that he’s seen something true about her -- “You’re such an unhappy girl”, knowing where she comes from, the way she’s mourning her lost confidence and autonomy with her abilities -- and here she’s proving she’s seen something true about him. :’) I wish this show had gone on long enough for this dynamic to progress, it’s really interesting and touching)   

- gambit dragging himself up onto dry land seeing someone approaching (to help?!): :D

gambit seeing that it’s logan and the look on his face: D: 

- rogue using her powers so confidently and fearlessly in this episode tho!!!! 

- *me crying* and then her FAMBILY comes to take her home and he says he’s looking out for her too and kurt still loves her even though they’re having a conflict thing between them and she’s finally able to use her powers without so much fear again and --

- ...did I just watch some baby lesbian love at first sight shit right now???  

- okay last two episodes let’s go

- HELL YEAH STORM (I love that she’s like ‘don’t give me a dumb order like that and I won’t have to disobey it’ too sdfjsaj) her voice has such command I’m usually very much not the ‘step on me’ type butttt

- y’know I feel like apocalypse’s main fault across all versions I’ve seen of him is that he’s like an immortal superpowered god king and he’s not even sexy. like at least make him hot if he’s going to be insufferable in every other way 

- also callout post for apocalypse: one time he made gambit into the Horseman of Death... and didn’t even make him sexy!!! you were handed remy lebeau, supreme bi disaster slut of the x men universe, and you couldn’t even make his brainwashed superpowered evil side hot?? a beautiful stubbled twunk with glowing red eyes and extremely charming :> face practically delivers himself into your hands and you do that to him???? I mean I’m sure apocalypse did some other bad stuff too but that was the worst one

(comics are so dumb y’all) 

- having to watch jean cry is emotional terrorism!! ;___; she has such older sister/mom energy, whenever she gets sad and helpless it hurts 

- oh, OH so PROFESSOR X you’ll make into a hunk and ~*strategically*~ rip his clothes to show off a nipple and a flawless pec in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable because he’s like The Dad??? apocalypse you are rotten to the core this is unforgivable 

- so wait wanda never actually gets her real memories back. what the FuCk I hope that was a dropped storyline because they ended the show tragically prematurely rather than like. the plan

- why is spyke calling storm ‘storm’ show that’s his auntie o!! >:(

- as a society we need to acknowledge that apocalypse looks like a fucking clown

- ooooh yeah I have been thinking that this show’s greatest visual weakness so far has been not having a visual way to show telepathy/battles of the minds, but this is a pretty cool way to do it! better late than never

- I’m so happy rogue gets to end this herself, since she was forced into starting it against her will, it’s just nice and neat storytelling

- YEAH FUCKING TELL HER KURT AND ROGUE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and she has the temerity to look pissed off oh my god

the only valid thing mystique has done in her entire life is be in love with destiny. literally everything else she gets up to is a travesty. like I know objectively she’s hot but my loathing for her stops me from even appreciating it. I do enjoy loathing her tho so please don’t change her haha

(a bit odd to have kurt’s attitude to her swing so much but I’m just going to assume he and rogue had a good long conversation after ‘cajun spice’ and that he understands what’s going on better now)

- this last part is such a cruel tease faskdfhsdaj ‘here are all the cool-ass things we had planned. sucks you never get to see it huh’ im devastated 

- magneto without his helmet and playing charmingly with children like charles is going ‘well at least I saved my marriage finally’ fsadkhfjsd (honestly tho I would be super interested in seeing how they’d redeem this magneto because he’s been a real bitch the whole time lol) 

there’s an interesting thing here where magneto looks down at wanda as the last thing he does on screen before this epilogue part (yeah I hope it fucking haunts you forever what you did to her erik you absolute piece of hot garbage) and the last thing charles does is look at jean b/c he knows what’s going to happen to her and it breaks his heart... Dramatic Parallells  

- just the hint of jean as the phoenix has me in full D:D:D: mode tho maybe I wouldn’t have survived it

- gambit in the last groupshot with his arm around rogue ;^) I mean I’m sure they’re headed for some turns and roundabouts along the way but what’s that thing she says as her wedding vow, that she’ll always find her way back? anyway that got me in my heart

- man I really wish this show had been given more seasons, we were barely even getting warmed up here :’(

[random-mha-thoughts]

First Kiss With Todoroki and Bakugou

Anon requested: “heeey can u please make a first kiss set with todoroki and with bakugou? pleaseee! and i love your writing”

Characters: Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1,411

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​​ @liviitehe​​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​​ @bunnythepipsqueak​​ 

a/n: Ahhhh these were so fun to write!  I got into them a little too much, so they’re longer than my normal mini-scenarios, but I’d say they’re pretty cute!  Bakugou’s scenario is based on personal experience hehe.  Enjoy as I pass out and sleep.

Also anon, I realize that I didn’t answer you when you asked if I have a Wattpad, sorry about that! It’s @/chibirach99, but I just post the same stuff as I do here on there simultaneously.

Todoroki Shouto

"Library again?"

Todoroki slides his bag on his shoulder and slips his hand in mine.  "Of course, we have to focus on our studies as student heroes."

It's only been recent since we started dating, even holding hands causes blood to slightly rush to my cheeks, but he's already integrated it easily into his routine as if it's instinct.  What's different about today is the slightly tighter grip he holds my hand with.  Honestly, I thought he would have been more adverse to it, but he's more comfortable with it than me.

His larger, warm hand in mine allows him to keep in pace with me as we walk down the stairs and out of the building.

"You'll have to help me with the science lesson today, I didn't really understand it today."  Our conversations are still more or less the same, we're still students after all.  "And we can work on the math practice problems since Ectoplasm's lessons are difficult-"

"Before that," he stops right in front of the entrance doors of the building and fixes his gaze right on me, "Come with me for a moment."

This is different.  Nonetheless, I follow him as his entwined hand guides me off the concrete path towards a tree in the distance.

For a moment, my focus shifts from keeping up with him to the way the afternoon light hits his face, the light spring breeze blowing a few strands of his hair around.  He's so beautiful, I think and smile secretly to myself.

Once we're under the shade and out of view, Todoroki turns his body around fully to face me before sitting down, resting against it and lightly tugging my hand.

Without letting go, I take the spot next to him as he watches me blankly.  "Did you want to rest?  You could've told me."

His hand in mine tugs me again and he stares at me expectantly.

Now I'm confused.  "What is it?"

He separates his hand from me and places it on my torso, pulling me into his arms and constricting my movement.

Heat rushes to my cheeks and my heart pounds at our close contact, my arms resting against his chest.  Even for Todoroki, this is a bold move.

Without another word, his dual colored eyes flicker back and forth between my own wide eyes and my lips.  One hand comes up to brush my cheek softly.  "Are you okay with this?"

I don't know what to say, I'm too busy admiring his long eyelashes from this close up, so I just nod and close my eyes.

A breath of a chuckle leaves him before he presses a chaste kiss on my lips.  The little flutter in my stomach is enough to inject my entire body in heat.  Such a small gesture has such a profound effect, and I need to bury my head in his chest to ease the dizziness and hide my embarrassment.

"Was it too much?"

I jerk my head up.  Despite sounding level, his eyes also dart away from me and there's a hint of blush on his cheeks.  His body is also noticeably hotter as his arm constricts Tigger around me.

"I didn't want to overwhelm you for our first."

"N-No!  It was...good.  I liked it."  The residual effect of the small kiss still lingers in my belly.

The corner of his lip quirks up just slightly.   "I'm glad.  I've been waiting to, but I wanted you to be comfortable, and I wanted to do it right."

Gosh, he's just so cute.  I'd kiss him on the nose right now if I wasn't afraid he might burst into flames, so I settle for nestling into his chest.  His heart beats a mile a minute in my ear to match mine.  "Let's rest here for a little before going up."

He lifts our still entwined hands to gently kiss my knuckles.  "Sounds like a good plan, darling."

Bakugou Katsuki

“You went out with Kiri, Denki, and the rest this weekend, right?”  I ask Bakugou, swinging our hands back and forth as we exit the classroom building.  “Was it fun?”

“Yeah, I guess so.  They were being dumb as usual.”  His other hand is stuffed in his pants pocket like the gangster he thinks he is.

“Kiri said you looked like you enjoyed yourself.”

He shrugs nonchalantly.  In the week we’ve been dating, Bakugouis noticeably more chill than he presents in class.  It makes me proud, considering the only other person he won’t yell at is Kirishima, a testament to his opinion of me and our relationship.

“Oh, that reminds me.”  He stops walking and stares at me with his crimson orbs.  “Close your eyes.”

I cock an eyebrow and let out a snort.  “Why?”

“Just do it so I don’t feel weird!”

“Okay…”  I follow his directions.  I hear some shuffling of material in front of me.

“Hold out your hands.”

I’m still confused as to what he’s planning to do, but I hold out both of my hands knowing he probably won’t do anything weird.  Something light in weight but soft to the touch is placed on my hands.

“Open your eyes.”

In my hands is the cutest bunny with floppy ears, made with the softest material, periwinkle-colored fur, wide black eyes, and an adorable pink button nose.

"It reminded me of how cute you are, and I know it's your favorite animal and color."  Bakugou rubs his hand behind his neck, his gaze averted from me.  “If you don’t like it, just give it back!”

“No!” I yelp a little too loud and hug the bunny to my chest.  Something about him remembering such a small detail I said in passing threatens my ability to stand straight; my knees want to turn to mush.  “I’m keeping it!”

Bakugou finally meets eyes with me.  “You like it?”

“Of course I do.”  I stroke one of the ears softly.  “Thanks for thinking of me.  But now I have to get you something.”

“No way, I got it for you because I wanted to!”  He’s more aggravated that I even brought it up.  “I should be able to buy gifts for you without it being weird.”

My heart goes to complete mush at the plushie in front of me.  “But how am I supposed to repay you for this?”  I want to do the same for him, but I don’t really know what I would get for him either.

He opens his mouth like he wants to reprimand me again before closing it and tilting his head back, one corner of his mouth tilting up.  “I know how you can repay me.”  His sudden shift in tone is almost jarring.

“Huh?”

Before I can process what he’s doing, his head leans down and he presses a chaste kiss to my lips.  The little motion makes my eyes widen and blood rush to my head as my stomach flips.  One small second feels more like ten, but it was over as quickly as it came.  My head still reels from the small but powerful kiss.

That was our first kiss.

I bury my dizzy head in Bakugou’s chest, his one arm steadying my body close to his chest as he rumbles underneath my face.  My lips can’t resist tugging up into a smile and heat rushes up to my cheeks.

“You’re mine, you know.  You’re my bunny, and no one else’s, got it?”  His voice is softer than usual.

I cover my mouth with my fist just to lift my heavy head up, still leaning on him for support.  There’s a small blush coating his cheeks as well, assuring me that he also feels flustered like me.  My mouth moves faster than I can process what I’m saying.  “C-Can you do that again?”

Even through his blush, he smirks and places another short kiss on my lips.  The same delicious electricity flows through me, and I’m left smiling again to his face.

“You’re gonna want me to spoil you with kisses now, aren’t you?” he teases me.

I hug the bunny to my chest.  “S-So what if I do?”

Bakugou’s deep chuckle vibrates against me again and he presses one last kiss against my forehead.  “You need to calm down for a minute, don’t want you to short circuit on me.”  His arm wraps around my shoulders to lead me into walking towards the dorm building.  “Let’s go hang out in my room.”