#shame over media shame over having interests blah blah blah

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

I'm gonna be controversial yet brave. People online saying something to the effect of, "You need to acknowledge the flaws of the things you like!" started out as pushback against defensive fans who would leave angry responses to anyone offering any criticism of the media they liked. I get that; one of the only instances of anon hate I ever got on this blog was someone melting down in my inbox and telling me to stick my head into an oven because I wasn't in love with the modern Harley Quinn show lol

But because this website is deranged, it's turned into a push to perform like a self-flagellation ritual where people are like, "uwu I know this media is problematique and has bad parts uwu and a YouTuber made a video essay saying it's bad so that must be true uwu but it's okay, I'm allowed to like it because I'm acknowledging how flawed it is."

And that's where I'm like, nah. I'm not interested doing this weird dance to get a green light to like things lol. I can simply think these things are good and move on

[kkaewrites]

fall in love with me [2] — itoshi sae x reader !

warnings. heavy manga spoilers & ooc itoshi sae.

content. fake dating, (slight) enemies to lovers.

itoshi sae was your last bet. your parents had gone to spain to break the news to your relatives: you, their only daughter, is getting married. the last goal you’ve had in mind was to know what you’re going to do after the wedding. you’ll have a lot of free time because you were brought up to be a housewife (not that there’s anything wrong with it, it simply does not interest you), and you have tried everything there is that looks like fun.

if you were going to live like a boring, old maid, you should at least find a hobby or something you’re passionate about, right? but there was nothing. there’s nothing in this world that makes you feel like there are fireworks in your stomach. you’re simply not passionate.

you have tried baking. you have tried cooking. you have tried knitting. you have tried writing a book. you have tried playing a sport. you have tried hobbies that other people around you seem to like, and you were good at it! the problem was that it’s blah.

so, when itoshi sae turned out to be someone who’s passionless, you’ve lost all hopes that you’re going to do well with marriage. until you’ve chosen to devise a plan to get out of this arranged wedding once and for all.

“no.” was itoshi sae’s cold response. in his methodological way of thinking, what you proposed was foolish. he’d rather die than indulge in your halfwitted request. fall in love with you? he doesn’t even know you, and with the way things are progressing, he can tell that he’s not going to like you very much.

“prideful,” you hum to yourself. “i knew i should have asked the better brother.”

“that’s perfect. you’re both idiots.”

you grin. “if an idiot is what won the match, what does that make you?”

he narrows his teal green eyes at you, as if saying shut the fuck up but contrary to this— you don’t. you’ve learned from your father that pushing the right buttons to a person is what gets you what you want. from your first meeting, you could tell that itoshi sae has a lot of pride in his system. so if you use that against him. . .

“i know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work on me.” he crosses his arms and once again, he towers over you. he’s not exactly as tall as his 6 feet tall brother, but under his scrutinizing gaze and his mere presence, itoshi sae seems like a giant.

“hm. what a shame.” you frown. “let me tell you a secret, then.”

he doesn’t do anything. his teal green eyes bore into your e/c ones, the same cold way he’s been doing since earlier, but it wasn’t enough to expel your strong-willed determination. if he expects you to be afraid, then you’re sorry to burst his bubble, because you’re not.

“aren’t you curious about what i have to say?” you questioned, tilting your head to the side.

“not one bit.”

“alright.” you nod. “then let’s wager. after you hear me out, i’ll never contact you ever again.”

he stares at your outreached hand and back to your face. what a waste of time, is what he thinks before agreeing to this wager of yours. so, even if it was against his better judgement, he leans down for you to whisper in his ear. he just wanted to get this over with.

“i always get what i want, itoshi sae.” you whisper, cupped his cheeks and gently captured his lips.

itoshi sae found kissing ceo l/n kenji’s daughter!

itoshi sae’s girlfriend reveals herself after u-20 japan’s loss!

itoshi sae’s girlfriend net worth is $450 million?!

itoshi sae and l/n y/n: are they truly dating?

due to the media getting extremely feral over the photo where you shared a kiss with itoshi sae, you knew it was only a matter of time until you were face to face with the red head. you’ve been receiving a few calls from his manager which you decided not to answer, and until itoshi sae calls you himself, then maybe you’d contemplate whether to show up or not.

to be honest, it wasn’t really your fault that it went viral. you simply saw a spark of opportunity when you spotted a photographer a few feet away from the both of you, and when you’re given a once in a lifetime chance like that, you grab it with all your might. you didn’t exactly expect that it’d turn out the way it did, but you’re not complaining.

the rumor spread around like wildfire that it even reached your parents from spain. that was your problem at hand.

“this is really bad.” your father sighs. “what were you thinking?”

“i was thinking precisely what’s on the picture.”

“has it never crossed your mind that kissing a famous celebrity while being engaged to reo mikage is bad for business?”

“i have, yes.” you nod. “but i have never agreed to marry reo mikage in the first place.”

“but you have never rejected the idea.” your dad replies, looking dejected. “what do you really want for yourself, y/n?”

“i don’t want to marry.” you finally state. “had you not found out about my secret lover, i would have ran away on my wedding day. you would have lost your business partner, and you would have lost your only daughter.”

your parents sat adjacent to you, stunned. this was simply a game of manipulation that you’ve learned as you grew up. the recipe is as follows: spare them pieces of truth and feed them lies. it was true that you have thought about running away, which serves as the reason why you wanted to know what your passion is— but the rest of the things you’ve said were lies.

secret lover? bullshit. you’ve only met itoshi sae once.

“okay.” your father relents. at this point, there’s guilt settling in the bottom of your gut. was it really okay for you to manipulate the people around you like this? was it really okay for you to trap itoshi sae in a situation that will only benefit you? maybe not. but anything’s better than living a dull life like yours.

and if this is what it takes to feel less empty, then you’ll take it.

“you’re off the hook. i’ll talk to the mikages.”

you nod and stood up to leave, for you were seemingly dismissed with what he said. before you could leave the room, however, you were stopped by your mom. she decided not to interrupt your strict conversation with your dad earlier, but now that you noticed her, she’s just sitting on the far end of the couch with a concerned look on her face.

“honey... before you run away, consider talking to us first, okay?”

“okay.” maybe.

right now, if anyone has seen what happened, they’d think you’re nothing but a spoiled rotten brat. but to be honest, this is the first time you’ve ever vocalized what you want. ‘i don’t want to marry’ is as simple as simple gets, but to you and your parents: it’s you merely voicing out what you wanted. to you and your parents: that’s something new.

your phone rung as you quietly went up the stairs. its sound bounced from wall to wall because of the room’s absence of noise. at first, you had thought that it’s itoshi sae’s manager once again, but quickly found out that it’s a random number.

you grinned.

“i knew you’d call.” you greeted itoshi sae. he hasn’t even introduced himself or said anything yet, but without doubt, you knew it was him. he’s the only logical option.

technically, you weren’t breaking the end of your deal. you simply stated that you’ll never contact him again, but to be fair, he contacted you. he’s the one to reach out, and you’re simply responding to it.

“this is all your ploy, isn’t it?”

you chuckle. “how’d you find that out?”

“because you said you always get what you want.”

“smart cookie. so then,” a pause. “why did you call?”

“i’m giving you what you want.”

“you’re agreeing to fake date?”

“sure.” he replies. “i’ll fall in love with you in the fakest way possible.”

for a person who claims to hate the media, itoshi sae seems to be the center of it all. it has been over a few months and people has still not let go of the fact that the soccer player has a so-called secret lover. it has got to a point where even news stations were talking about it— that’s how big the scandal was.

you had no idea why he agreed to what he once thought as idiocy (which is this fake dating situation), but if you were to guess: it’s easier to say that you have a relationship (albeit it being a sham) than explain what truly happened. what better reason is there when you find two people kissing in an empty field, right?

surely, itoshi sae had thought of that.

“you have no dating experience, have you?” you quietly mumble once over your shared dinner with him.

sitting right in front of you was none other than itoshi sae, clad in a black tuxedo that you’d never thought he’d wear. he always seemed to be the kind to wear whatever he wants, no matter what the occasion calls for. so, when he shows up at the restaurant you both agreed to meet, you were shocked with what greeted you.

there was no denying that he’s handsome, and that he smells good. exactly your weakness.

“what about it?”

“you always take me to boring dates.”

“you’re one to speak,” he says after cutting his steak into thin pieces. “your first boyfriend is me, and it’s not even real.”

“what a waste of face.”

“why would it be a waste?” he questions. “i just don’t want to indulge in people’s mediocrity.”

“so, why agree to my so-called foolish terms?”

he pauses, as if unsure how to reply. to some people, it would’ve been invisible. but to you, the one person he often spends time with, it does not go unnoticed. it had you guessing why he seems hesitant, but before you could ask, he speaks up coolly.

“you interest me.”

“i can’t tell if you’re joking,” you comment. “you always have a straight face.”

he ignores you shortly after, which takes you back to where you are now. you’ve chosen to take itoshi sae to a nearby carnival after finding out that he had never gotten a chance to enjoy one. although, as you spend roughly an hour playing mini games, he seems to be not into it.

“this is your idea of fun?” he comments. “so mediocre.”

you rolled your eyes at him. it was a matter of preferences, to be honest. itoshi sae seemed to enjoy the silence of dinner dates more than the rowdy crowds of carnivals. and no mattter how much you tried to impress him the whole afternoon, your efforts turn out to be pointless.

cotton candy? too sweet and sticky for his taste. balloon pop? he’s too good at it that he finds it boring. ring toss? he’s too bad at it that he finds it frustrating. he’s exceptionally picky, which you’re not shocked about.

“okay, fine, i give up,” you sigh. “you’re difficult to please.”

“what’s that?” he gestures towards the ferris wheel. has he never got on one? that’s a first.

“we should go,” you state. “that’s the only thing that interested you today.”

thankfully, there weren’t a lot of people who wanted to get on the ferris wheel so it didn’t take long until the both of you are up and running. you were too tired to talk so you’ve spent the whole five minutes (maybe less) in complete silence. itoshi sae doesn’t say anything in the duration of your wait.

the sky turned to a cool shade of indigo by this time, and as your cabin slowly rises up to the top, the both of you are greeted by the tiny lights from different parts of the carnival. below were the microscopic stalls that you’ve had the chance of trying out, even when itoshi sae didn’t particularly like them all. he did like the mozzarella sticks, though.

“what’s the point of this all?” he questions after a moment of silence.

“of the date?”

“of everything.” he states seriously.

“i chose to fake date you simply because you won’t fall in love with me.” you answer. “that’s all there is to it.”

“so,” a pause. “how sure are you?”

“what?”

“how sure are you that i won’t fall in love?” he asked in the same nonchalant tone he always uses. his teal green eyes hold no significant emotion and as he rests his chin on his fist, you realize that it’s nothing but a question. there’s nothing to what he just said.

and yet, as the sky gets painted with the various colors of fireworks— something inside your stomach bubbles. it’s making you uneasy.

“you don’t even love your own sport.” you answer. “so, how are you supposed to love me?”

notes. the next part is my favorite one !! i’ll edit this & start working on ch 3 right away bc i love itoshi sae sm ahahahq sae itoshi brainrot fr theres nothing on my mind other than him 😒 also, i only get to write on saturdays bc im busy on weekdays :( after this mini-series ill write for nagi or chigiri (not sure which one ill write first bc its all up to my motivation LMAO)

ִ ࣪𖤐 previous ! • ִ ࣪𖤐 next !

[orchidsangel]

okay so i’m usually more of a silent follower (i’ve only like sent one ask ever) but i kinda love your posts/talks about things that you love (even if it’s not necessarily something i care about,,i just love it when people talk about their interests it’s amazing),, so i’m kinda curious about why do you think sos should have won over midnights,,, not saying that sos is bad or anything i actually love the album and sza but i was rooting for midnights honestly and personally think it deserves the title for many reasons,,, like i’m NOT saying that sos didn’t deserve to be aoty on the contrary, all the albums that were nominated are amazing and all had their big impact and the title is very subjective and ngl, this is one of those years where the nominees are all so good it’s actually quite a tough competition to choose between, but personally i found that midnights deserved it the most so i’m actually really curious to know your opinion on why sos should have gotten it

(i’ve already seen so much discourse about this for the past week on twitter but obviously. it’s twitter. so they don’t have any valable reasons except just pure hatred, misogyny, slut shaming and obviously racism)

Okay, so first off, thank you for sending in this ask and allowing me to speak about something I care about!! Second of all, when you added racism in the "don't have any valuable reasons section" what did you mean by that? I'm not coming for you or anything. I'm just curious if you meant racism towards Taylor or if you mean racism towards SZA.

anyways, now for my thoughts.

So, while I obviously agree that SOS is a great album, the part I disagree with is Midnights being a good album. I don't like it; I never did, and I probably never will. And this isn't me being a Taylor hater; I am a Taylor Swift enjoyer and have sat down and listened to a few of her albums. While none of them absolutely stunned me, I do think she's an overall good musician and can make a relatively good body of work. Midnights is a snoozefest. It's boring and doesn't hold a candle to the rest of her discography, which I feel fine saying because I know there are a significant amount of swifties and non-swifties alike that agree.

To me, midnights is nothing special, and most of the songs blend together. It's not completely bad, though; it has its good moments, but the many cons, i.e., boring instrumentals, mediocre lyrics, no super deep meanings, etc. outweigh the very few pros, i.e., Snow On The Beach ft. Lana Del Rey, but more importantly, Snow On The Beach ft. more Lana del Rey. And I just can't get behind Midnight's winning album of the year after being the pinnacle of mediocrity.

Now, if you wanna talk about impact, let's talk about impact. Midnights broke tons of records, most notably taking up all ten top spots on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, a feat that no other artist has managed to accomplish. But that wasn't because the album was good or because the general public was tuned in; it's because of streaming culture, because, like most fandoms these days, swifties are rabid and reaching for the charts. That, combined with the sheer size of Taylor Swift's fanbase, means that the album was bound to do well regardless of whether it was good or not.

SOS, on the other hand, obviously didn't chart nearly as well as midnights (although it definitely did chart, like, let's get that straight bc Snooze didn't leave the chart at all last year). But that doesn't automatically mean that it was less impactful, because charts aren't that reliable these days so you have to find other means of calculating impact, and this is when we turn to social media.

(I'll be using tiktok for reference as I feel that since the app relies on music as its #1 source of content, that's the best representation for my argument)

So I'm an avid TikTok user, chronically online, way too invested in drama that doesn't involve me, a loser, blah blah blah whatever, who cares. The point is that I spend enough time on TikTok to be able to observe many different trends going on at the same time and their musical origins. There are so. many. songs. on SOS that trended on tiktok. You could not escape SZA on that app, not even if you wanted to.

Kill Bill, Seek & Destroy, Low, Blind, Snooze, Ghost in the Machine, Shirt, I Hate U, Good Days, etc.

All songs that I've heard on TikTok at one point or another, some of them having their own designated trends to go along with certain lines, and I'm sure there's more I missed.

This specific point means so much to me because I need you to understand that I didn't listen to SOS in full until WAY into 2023 (the album came out in 2022 for reference), and each track was so familiar because I had already heard so many of them on TikTok.

Now, I'm not saying that there weren't any songs on midnights that trended on TikTok. Obviously, there were. i.e., Karma, bejeweled, Midnight Rain, that one part in The Great War, etc., but when I say that most of the songs from Midnights that trended on TikTok were pretty much always used in the context of Taylor Swift, I mean that. I cannot stress this enough. If there was a song from Midnights playing in the video, then I can guarantee that Taylor was being mentioned in that same video, whether it be the eras tour, speculation about her and Joe Alwyn's breakup, her and Travis Kelce, speculation about which Taylor's version album was coming out next, or literally anything pertaining to her at all.

You might think that this is a stupid point, but to me, it's a good example of the fact that it wasn't an album the general public was interested in. And I think for an award like Album of the Year at the Grammys, the album in question should be one that is either objectively good, incredibly poetic, and thoughtful with a deep message, or beloved by the general public, and midnights wasn't any of those.

As for the misogyny and slutshaming, I'd never in a million years agree with that and don't condone that by any means. Pure hatred, if unwarranted, isn't something I really care about either because I'm a hater at my core and have a lot of one-sided beef with people who don't know me. But I will say that most people I know who don't like Taylor Swift do actually have one or two valid reasons. It's not that hard to find them, what with white feminism, not using her platform for good, dating a known racist, and committing ecological warfare, amongst other things.

If the racism you're referring to is in regards to people bringing up her privilege as a white woman, and it bothers you that people are bringing it up, then I'm sorry, but I'm not the person you want to talk to about that because I won't agree. The Grammys have a history of snubbing black and POC artists in general to favor their white counterparts; in fact, the entire music industry has a history of it, and this situation isn't any different in my eyes.

Anyway, that's most of all I have to say. Thank you for asking again, I'd love to hear why you thought Midnights should have won.

[inactivewattpadauthor]

💙My Tumblr Page! (updated 7/28/24)💙

It seems I'm a lot more on Tumblr since it's active way more than Wattpad, so how about we go over this page's expectations? :D

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⚠️Warnings:

Most of my work does contain profanity.

I do write smut here and there. Sometimes simple. Sometimes freaky.

Perhaps I'm insecure, but sometimes my plots are either cringe and/or inaccurate.

I do angst.

Obviously gore because Mortal Kombat...

I'll give the warnings within the oneshot.

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If you're a minor and you see one of my posts titled "Lemon/Smut", please don't get me in trouble and scroll on to one of my safe posts.

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I want my author life to be filled with lovely lives and peace.

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✖️As of July 2024, NO REQUESTS

It is a very low chance I may decide to do requests later, I will notify if so.

It would be a shame if I lost interest in MK again and let down everyone.

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Feel free to give me ideas, but don't full on expect me to do them.

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📝Writing Style

Post expected every 6 days.

I am the One-shot Onceler. Majority of my work is one-shots.

For years, I've always wrote the reader as a female. That will not change.

I use Y/n too.

For smut, I'll try to stop being shy and write more spicy shit other than simple sex.

They'll mostly be Nightwolf and Fujin since I'm too down bad astronomically for them.

Like stated earlier, not all the time will my plots be accurate to the canon.

I haven't touched MK1's story and I don't like MKX, so everything is MK11.

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Follow #goddesswritings, my personal tag here.

Criticism is appreciated, just don't be disrespectful.

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😘Blah, Blah, Bout me...

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And I certainly don't want my family and friends to see the shit I be writing here.

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[perfectallamericantits]

Idk how to word this without people automatically doing the thing I want to bring attention to but um telling fandom that they need to stop arguing over "shit that doesn't matter" is kind of ableist/sexist and yall should really stop doing that.

First of all. Autistic women are the backbone of fandom, and fandom is quite literally defined as writing thinkpieces of shit that doesn't matter.

Secondly, autistic people communicate through special interests a lot of the time.

Thirdly, special interests can be anything that has enough information to interest the autistic person (celebrities are included in this).

And fourthly, fandom has always been on the cutting-edge of progressivism because art is inherently progressive by nature. The very nature of creating something to share with other people, who will then critique it and discuss its broader implications to society or its historical context blah blah blah, that is inherently progressive.

Over time, art changes because the people who discuss art have been changed by the art they are discussing. That is why we are now discussing "diversity" as a must in media because if the narrative is controlled by one group of people in society, then voices are not being heard in fandom that are crucial to the progression of society as a whole.

This is true for all people, but especially true for autistics who find it hard to communicate with others in a socially acceptable manner.

By shaming people who are discussing broader issues but who can only discuss it through the lens of the "latest taylor swift drama" or whatever, you are not doing what you think you are doing. All you are accomplishing is making people feel like shit for communicating in a way that you don't like.

I implore you guys to take the time to actually listen to the things that "stans" complain about instead of dismissing it all offhand as "petty" drama. Even the latest Kardashian dramas, those fans they be talking about good stuff sometimes. Yall wouldn't know because yall hate listening to autistics and especially autistic women communicate but I digress.

I think we should all practice more empathy when it comes to judging the things people like to talk about in their free time, and we should also stop to think about what we're really asking stans and fandom to do when we tell them to "grow up" or "get a life" whenever they try and discuss real issues but through the context of their fandom (for many of which is their special interest).

Because, keep in mind, all that talk about whatever big news event of the moment yall are doing isn't doing shit to change the status quo either. Aka none of us are doing shit that actually matters and maybe we stop judging people for how they communicate what matters to them, maybe we learn how to understand what they are trying to let us know about what matters to them.

And if you ask me, fandom does a lot more to challenge the way people- especially hip hop fandoms- talk and view certain issues than just tweeting all the time about news events. Fandom challenges the way people see gays, autistics, black people, women, etc etc on a more consistent and immediate way than being a twitter activist does because they are directly challenging the ways people interact, discuss and feel about art that then translate to a more tolerant view of society as a whole.

[decastde]

I totally agree with your buck/eddie post, I don’t think shipping them is wrong or anything but acting like they must be canon or it’s not a good story is just not a good way to look at it. The writers as well as Oliver and LFJ are telling a wonderful story about two queer men in their 30s/40s and we should celebrate that.

I also think destiel is a very different situation to buddie, for me dean was bi-coded from even season 1, but it became more overt (not explicit but overt) as the seasons went on, kind of similar to how buck was bicoded, but dean’s felt more intentional from the writers since it was over a long period of time and used a lot of queer references that would fly under the radar of a lot of audiences. I think buck’s bicoding was probably accidental at first but by s4 they’d decided to play into it, and obviously now it’s canon (which is great! love that!).

Destiel seemed like the accidental bit to me (at first), misha was initially a guest star but he was playing a great character and had a lot of chemistry with jensen (however you choose to interpret that chemistry). Overtime the writers started to play into that on purpose and I think the actors did as well, misha has confirmed this from his side but tbh I don’t think we’ll ever get a straight (ha) answer from jensen about it. Which is fine tbh, I’m okay with that, I don’t need actors to confirm anything really.

Anyways, I never really got that vibe from buddie? Like Oliver was playing into bi buck slightly, but I don’t think it was ever buddie specifically and I don’t think Ryan, as supportive as he is, ever played Eddie as anything but interested in women (or mostly shannon). I respect people’s head canons but I don’t think buddie is a given for the writers so if people could stop saying “when buddie goes canon”, because tbh i think they’re setting themselves up for disappointment a bit.

Holy fuck, that got long, sorry 😅. I kind of rambled a bit there but I hope you got my point. I would say don’t feel like you have to delete your buddie fics, I have plenty up of fandoms i’m not even interested in anymore (though obviously orphan/delete them if that’s what you feel is best). Anyways have a great day!

Yes, absolutely get your point.

I agree Dean is for sure bi-coded. My jaded heart will forever lament SPN couldn’t hang around just a few more years (despite how weird it had got) so that they could have had the kind of response Oliver and 911 got with the bi storyline. 😭😭 Ah well.

Yeahhh, back when Tommy appeared I feel like, sorry for making a sweeping generalisation, adults understood that was it for Buck and Eddie. If it were not a procedural general audience kind of show then 2 characters having bi/queer awakenings would be awesome. Sexuality is a spectrum etc, later in life realisations happen and all that jazz. But, as you say, they’ve never been intentionally played to be in love with eachother. Again, sure, storylines can change, but if realising you liked men and didn’t consider the man you are closest to then……it’s a shame perhaps, but no.

I don’t know. It’s got slightly better now since the initial finale aftermath and there is no problem with shipping anything you want. Go for it! It’s the threats and entitlement, the rudeness and mean spirited accusations that people who like Buck and Tommy are gross and blah blah blah. It just feels like a real ‘old man shakes fist at cloud’ moment as they (again, sweeping generalisation) don’t realise how amazing the Buck and Tommy atoryline is.

I could be a total bitch and rant on and on about how in general there are some hideous takes and just not understanding media (and the real world) but I know that in ten years most of them will look back on their behaviour and cringe themselves inside out.

I don’t know if I will delete the Buck/Eddie stuff I wrote, it already annoyed me that it went against canon anyway but that’s just me. Lesson (not) learned to not write during the hiatus. I looked into orphaning them but I feel bad.

Gah I went on and on. Sorry. Have a great day yourself! ☺️

[nikethestatue]

Generally speaking, I’m pretty chill with the other ships. Not my cup of tea, so I don’t actually seek art and theories out centring them.

I do however, always find it rather interesting, (and off putting) to note, just how many people seem to ship Elucien or Gwynriel..because they simply hate Elain. By all means, ship who you please, but surely you can at least acknowledge that’s a large contributing factor as to why you ship who you do?

The amount of comments across social media, on any Acotar group and platform is outstanding. So many people just hate her. I don’t get it. “Lucien deserves better, but I want him to be happy, so that’s I ship Elucien” or “I just hate elain and hope she turns evil and dies alone” and of course “three brothers x three sisters is sooooo cliche and boring. Elains useless. Gwynriel forever!”. I don’t understand how a ship can “have your whole heart” when you objectively hate one half of that ship? It’s just..odd.

I think one of the main contributing factors to the Elain hate, is the rise of Gwyn - and the fandoms general inability to uphold one female character without squashing another (to be perfectly honest.) What are your thoughts on why there’s so much hate directed toward Elain? What do you think contributes to it? Do you find any of it valid?

I think that this fandom is interesting in that some characters are legitimately HATED, even though they aren't meant to be hated.

There are huge, HUGE Rhysand antis out there. With virulent, violent hate in their hearts towards him.

Same with Feyre. You'd think Feyre would be a pretty benign character, who would be universally accepted as at least an acceptable character--but no, HATED. Hated for things she has nothing to do with. Called Feyrug. Called dumb, and illiterate. Hated for 'cultural appropriation'. And just really wild BS.

Elain has been hated since day one. Because she is not 'tough enough', whatever that means. I think that she is hated for two reasons--mostly connected to 2 men. She is 'mean' and doesn't give poor Lucien a chance. And she doesn't 'deserve' Azriel. I think if she was paired with someone else, maybe, MAYBE the hate wouldn't be as strong. But she is paired with two of the most popular male characters and she simply can't be forgiven for that.

So the antis will throw everything at her over that--she is dumb, she is infantile, she is not assertive, she didn't grow vegetables, she is selfish, she is a cry-baby, she is a bitch who slut-shamed Nesta (when?), she leeches off Feysand, she abandoned poor Nesta (when?), she is passive, she doesn't step up and blah, blah, blah.

Elain is a quiet, thoughtful characters, with hidden powers and a hidden strength. It becomes apparent when things get tough.

The problem, overall, is that SJM was never able to do justice to both Nesta and Elain. They remained somewhat underdeveloped characters and even though she's had plenty of opportunities, she keeps getting sidetracked and writes 100 pages of work out routines, instead of dedicated 50 of those pages to the sisters and their backgrounds and relationships.

But yeah, I don't think anything will change. Elain will remain hated. Maybe her book will eventually change some minds and hearts.

[morethanonepage]

first lines meme

List the first lines of your last 20 stories. See if there are any patterns and choose your favorite opening line!

tagged by @aimmyarrowshigh; boy this has the potential to be embarrassing, to go back 20 stories i’ll be in 2016 again i think? let’s see (note from the future: back to january 2018, which is still -- a fair bit ago lmfao. plus the ultimate shame of TWO uncompleted WIPs on this list, oh boy).

(i’m also going to be generous about ‘opening line’ and expand it to like. i mean opening more than one sentence, but still opening line in the sense of, before the first paragraph break? if that makes sense)

1. "If I die up here," John grumbles from behind him.  "I'm gonna to haunt your arse."

ugh, cringe, but in my defense this was a prompt from an ask meme that i didn’t actually end up linking to bc i was waiting to finish the other ask prompts and then i didn’t blah blah blah anyway i did rejigger it a little to uh. fit more with john’s cadence but even then like. does it??? no.

2. The bed sags as he drops onto it. It's been months since it’s been slept on; closer to a year, actually, if he thinks about it. He tries not to.

lmfao at how many of my fics start w characters either getting into bed or waking up. also just. sleepiness is probably the biggest theme within my ~art

3. The light is warm on his face but it burns his eyes as he gropes around the room, hands sliding on smooth, cold walls. He turns away from the glare, but feels it anyway, hot across his neck, seeping into his skin. 

this is interesting (to me at least) bc it’s part of my ongoing uncertainty of how to depict dream sequences in fic -- the debate for me is always, do i want it to be immediately obvious to the reader that this is a dream/something different from the main narrative, as denoted by the italics, or do i want to like. suggest the experience of actually being in a dream, which is that sometimes you don’t immediately realize it’s a dream. 

with this fic, bc i was starting with the dream, i guess i wanted to make it obvious something was up so people wouldn’t get turned off at the kind of vague, hazy description/weirdness and keep reading till they hit the actual solid narrative?

4. “John?”

obviously this is my favorite opening line of all time. the creativity, my god!

5. “It’s not working,” Chas hears himself point out, as John scowls and tosses the amulet he’s been spinning over a dusty gas station map at the wall.

always love an in media res opening line

god i really need to finish this fic i’m so disappointed in myself, not ONCE have i ever been able to finish a WIP if i start posting it before i’m done, but i never learn!!!!

6.  A gunshot,  from behind him — from behind where he’d been — and then the thud of impact, and a scream.

another in media res start! it’s just -- part of how i write plottier stuff, i.e., by writing as little as possible like buildup and detail, so i can mostly avoid having to come up with buildup and detail, bc i’m lazy and bad at it lmfao

7. “So what did you think?” Poe said, over his shoulder, as Finn’s eyes slid away from the large photograph of Spiderman’s ass which graced the wall in front of the descending escalator.

s/o to the weird spider-man butt mural at the Regal Union Square, it’s been way too long since i’ve seen you in person </3 

(obviously this fic is kind of a romcom vibe so i thought starting with a joke (or at least. an attempt at humor) made sense.

8. “Are you…” a kiss to the back of John's neck, fervent and wet, more than a little guilty; the thrusts of his hips don’t stop, but they do slow, to a wrenching, unsteady rhythm. “Are you okay? Am I…” another kiss, and a soft, snuffling sound by John’s ear. “Am I hurting you?"  

aw, snuffling. 

anyway. i always feel a LITTLE cringey having the first line of a fic be so obviously mid sex scene bc idk, it’s kind of an abrupt thing to walk in on, as a reader, but this was meant to be kind of an awks moment and kind of an awks hook up in general so i felt like that abruptness was appropriate. also the contrast between the beginning of this fic being like, a fairly explicit sex scene and the last scene being (as always) cute sleepy cuddles was some kind of point, idk.

(this was also an interesting opening scene in general bc the game of it was, how obvious to make it that it’s chas without actually using his name)

9.  He knocks on the door.

lol boring!!! this is right up there with a character waking up in the morning in terms of unoriginal/obvious starting lines. but sometimes you’re just being a basic bitch and well i’m often a basic bitch

10. John is next to him. Still asleep, a few inches away. Breathing soft and steady, shoulders loose, the beginning of a bruise blossoming on the side of his neck. Curled up, radiating satisfied warmth even though they aren’t quite touching.

what did i tell you!!! waking up in the morning, basic shit. obviously thematically the fic is about uh the relationship progressing from that distance to like, no distance (ending, as it does, with sleepy cuddles) so it’s a very basic fic, so why not have a very basic start

11.  “What’d he say?”

not much to say here except again w/ the in media res, but it’s a shame this fic doesn’t have a punchier opening bc it’s genuinely one of my favs

12.  Chas stretches — tucks his left elbow around his right, and pulls his right arm against his chest; reverses it, left hand coming perilously close to John’s chest as he does. 

this is just setting up a chas chandler thirst fic so that’s. mostly what it is.

13. John, half-awake and blissfully warm, feels the bed shift.

see??? another waking up in the morning opener lmfao. i’ve actively stopped starting fics this way, it just feels a little...easy?

14. There’s a light on in the living room when he gets home.

FAIRLY unexceptional but i do like the implications of coziness and domesticity here -- the idea of someone waiting for you, y’know? and ultimately that is kind of the point of the fic -- that john is/does wait for him to come back. anyway that’s another of my fav john/chas tropes obviously

15. “Come here often?”  

CRINGE but again. to be fair. this was meant to be chas doing a really lazy pick up line as a joke, so. 

16. COMING THIS FALL, screams the billboard above the subway entrance, in not-quite fluorescent blue letters that are still somehow reminiscent of Tron. AMADI AND KINGSLEY, across the bottom. The rest of the poster is a futuristic kind of grey, the image of a long corridor with a frosted glass door beyond, with the words THURSDAY NEXT scrawled across.

this is mostly a lot of set up for stuff - that it’s set in NYC vs London (i mean obviously, from being Washington Square); that it’s a futuristic kind of movie (which is based on the movie Anna’s promoting at the beginning of notting hill); that it’s taking place before fall (late summer i think); finn and rey’s last names in this fic 

(i went around and around on finn’s last name -- figuring, in the end, that i wanted him to be really obviously Nigerian, though now i wonder if i should’ve -- john boyega vs John Adedayo Bamidele Adegboyega style -- made it a slightly ~easier version of a much more ~foreign name, to really play up the assimilation aspect necessary to succeed in hollywood etc etc. rey’s last name is a play off Kiera Knightley, as that’s the kind of actress mold i saw her in, though rey kinsgley is also just objectively funny to me bc it’s like, Royalty Royalty, isn’t it)

the other thing i wish is that i’d come up with a better sci fi movie name but i think it’s legit one of the last things i came up with for this fic which means at that point i just wanted to post it and be done with the whole thing.

anyway as a more plotty longfic, this was supposed to be more of a traditional first line in the sense of, abrupt and confusing but in a way that was intriguing like -- who are these people? what is this movie? who’s seeing the poster? etc.

17. “Really?"

the contrast between this opening and #16 is making me laugh but that’s just like, my thing of mostly writing short fic i guess. with short fic, it makes sense to start with quick dialogue exchanges, and i like to do it without dialogue tags, even, almost as a flex -- how long can i get away without not identifying the speaker directly but making it obvious who the person speaking is, by virtue of dialogue alone? 

18. "Can tie me up if you’d like,” John says, too loud, in something of a rush.

getting right to the point on this one lmfao

19. Chas is a sound sleeper.

not much to say here aside from this being one of the earliest john/chas in bed, waking up/watching the other sleep fics. one of my favorite tropes apparently

20. He left the debrief with his head pounding from sheer frustration and his jaw aching from the effort of keeping his mouth shut. Military discipline and respect for General Organa was one thing; having to justify perfectly reasonable actions taken in pursuit of doing his job was another.

UGH just serves me right to have this OTHER unfinished WIP show up here. genuinely speaking i think this is kind of a boring opening -- it’s doing too much/trying to hard to like, establish context which IS kind of relevant (the set up for poe being like, stressed out => finn making a move to help ~relax him) but it just feels a little too...much for me. very unsubtle.

TAKEAWAYS: like 5 of these (25%!!) are setting things in bed right before or after a character wakes up!!! if there’s a unifying theme of my writing i guess it’s that i’m really just very tired all of the time huh.

anyway idk if i have a favorite, they’re all mostly just. functional i guess? i don’t think opening (or closing) lines are my strong suit tbh. 

[meltdownwillbeawesomethisweekend]

"I told you they would have played the pregnant-M card to make people talk about something else." so once again, as we've repeatedly said, all it takes is mia just existing for tinhats to scream about how she's being shoved down their throats, being promoted, blah blah blah. if all you're interested in is darren's career, why would you need to look at his friends' social media posts about their wedding? easily avoidable to anyone who actually didn't want to see mia. but they're obsessed.

Mia the only pregnant woman not allowed to show herself. Likeinto their mind pregnancy is a shameful thing stopping you from ever getting out of the house.

Reality is, seeing her pregnant reminds them of how bullshitty their story is. Difficult to keep the fantasy zlive with her ... living her life.

And oh they ll never stop obsessing over Mia. She s the center of their life

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Episode 9

Let me preface this by saying we’re entering a period of episodes that I’m not that fond of. There’s nothing wrong with them really, but it’s just padding and a little bit of set-up for later arcs, but I personally think the set-up is unnecessary.

Anyhow, straight into it! I shouldn’t say “straight” when wangxian is on screen. I struggled to get a good shot, but the dichotomy between Nie Huaisang and wangxian here is hilarious to me. He’s such a good comedy act, flailing and being totally useless, other than being another warm body, but at the same time, he’s the only one really acting like a teenager here. Lan Wangji is always so cold and serious, while Wei Wuxian is a goof until he needs to be serious, but both of them are also extremely talented. We know Nie Huaisang isn’t an idiot, but I don’t get the impression he’s a great cultivator either.

I literally watched this scene this morning and totally missed this part. Lan Wangji stops Wei Wuxian from killing or attacking the puppets further, as he’s about to use his sword to defend them all. It’s a great little moment, actually, because it shows how Wei Wuxian is willing to do anything, but he’s not willing to murder innocent people if they can be saved. We already know, with all the Lan principles, that Wangji would not kill needlessly, but we don’t necessarily know that about Wei Wuxian. But he has morals, he has his own principles, and he’s not going to cast those aside for nothing.

Now, you could say he won’t do it now in the story, but what about later? What about Wen Chao? I’d say that’s totally different. That was revenge. And one of the things I like about this story is that it doesn’t shy away from revenge (something that a lot of Western media kind of disdains—we seem to be afraid to in any way make revenge out to be something good).

I can’t believe I managed to capture the exact moment that Lan Wangji used the Silencing spell on Nie Huaisang. I’m honestly really impressed with myself. Of course, it was totally by accident. I was initially going to just talk about how funny Nie Huaisang is again, because I love his flailing and physical comedy, and his expressions are fantastic. But can I talk about this glare that Yibo has right now? Haha, I love it. Again, if looks could kill. If I were Wei Wuxian here, I’d feel pretty satisfied for being the one not silenced at this moment. Honestly, it shows such a progression in their relationship: they’re really working as a team, no longer at odds with each other. It’s really apparent that they have become a team: it’s Nie Huaisang and WangXian—not Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. There are also more moments where it feels like Wei Wuxian is really looking for Lan Wangji—like, it feels as if he’s more interested in the relationship than Lan Wangji. I don’t think it’s true at all, but that’s kind of what we’re shown. The thing is that Lan Wangji is so much more aloof and cold towards Wei Wuxian—very tsundere, I suppose. But of course, we know Lan Wangji is very conscious of Wei Wuxian.

I’m not going to pick on her specifically here, because overall, the fake instrument-playing is pretty hysterical. I do think she’s the worst at it, though, probably because she only does this in one scene or something. Wang Yibo has a double for a lot of the scenes where he’s playing the guqin, but what little we see is fine. Xiao Zhan is also okay—we know he isn’t really playing, but he does an okay job pretending to play. Like, his lip is on the flute. It kind of looks like Wen Qing doesn’t even have her lips on the flute—like she’s trying not to wreck her makeup. Anyway, I’m not going to harp (see what I did there?) on it—none of them are musicians.

Reminder to gif this part.

Any time Wei Wuxian comes to Lan Wangji’s defense is a good time, and coupled with a smile like this—my heart is melting, excuse me. I love these moments, because for just a few seconds, it feels like no one else is there—it’s just the two of them having a moment together. And Wei Wuxian is once again here proving how he’s loyal to Lan Wangji, how his friendship is worth something, and it’s not just skin-deep. I think Lan Wangji is touched here: the way his averts his gaze, as if he likes what Wei Wuxian is saying, but he still feels uncomfortable. Outside of his family, this is probably the closest relationship that Lan Wangji has ever had.

Wei Wuxian has a lot of cool magic, and it’s a shame we don’t get to see more of it. I like the idea that his talismans are more clever, if that makes sense. They aren’t just explosions or hitting people with waves of force to knock them around. He’s got golden nets, and talismans that can bind/bond people to each other, ones that can cause you to be pinned to the ground. It’s just very fun, and we don’t get to see a lot of that sort of magic in this world. Actually Lan Wangji has the Silencing spell, plus the body binding spell that he uses in the book, but that is, unfortunately, not in this series. And the first time you see it in the book is when he binds Wei Wuxian’s body so that he has to sleep right on top of Lan Wangji—great stuff.

WWX: So they are making use of my wisdom? LOL

Wei Wuxian stops to make a joke, saying he is most disturbed by the hallucinations because he has so many thoughts in his head—basically too smart for his own good here—and at the same time, poking fun at Lan Wangji, because he isn’t bothered by the hallucinations (ie. he doesn’t have many thoughts in his head). Okay, first of all, we know Wei Wuxian respects Lan Wangji a lot, so he is definitely joking, and it’s all in good fun. Lan Wangji rolls his eyes a bit, and he’s not bothered. He did, after all, tell Wei Wuxian to put the net over the other three so that he and Wei Wuxian could take care of the dire owl alone. He also respects Wei Wuxian and values him as a fellow cultivator and teammate. Second of all, again, Wei Wuxian is not an idiot! He’s smart! He’s clever! He’s not dumb! I don’t know who still needs to hear this, but I’m saying it again. I know it’s easy to put him into the typical BL “female” role: he’s smaller, he’s a bottom, blah blah blah. I honestly don’t like that at all. Every ship doesn’t have to be two opposites. It doesn’t have to be m/f, top/bottom, big/small, dark/light, smart/dumb, strong/weak. I’m aware of how the book is written and I’m aware of BL tropes in general, but I see two equals here. I like how they picked Wang Yibo, a shorter and younger man than Xiao Zhan, to play Lan Wangji. I like that they took out the fact that he has inhumanly strong arms. I like the different dynamic that it displays from the book characters. That isn’t to say that I don’t like the book—I love the book. The book is my favorite adaptation, both in terms of storytelling and in terms of plot. But that doesn’t mean that it’s perfect for me.

Anyway, enough ranting for now.

I love this shot. And I love how in sync they are in this fight—it’s like a dance. When I’ve heard about fight choreography in the past, I never associated it with the word “dance,” until I saw this series. I don’t know if it’s the costumes or the setting or the actors or what, but their motions are so fluid, so dance-like—it’s actually quite beautiful.

Oh, my god, look at that grin! I fucking love it!! Also, serious moment turns into a chance to tease Lan Wangji. I will accept it.

My sentimental heart loves how scared Wei Wuxian is for Lan Wangji here. All that time wearing the One Ring—I mean, holding the Yin Iron, is really wearing him down. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself). But jokes aside, I love how Wei Wuxian is right there, instructing him on how to handle what’s going on and to not lose control, while the others are just kind of clueless as to what is happening or how to help. And even after Lan Wangji snaps out of it and says they have to go to the Chang Clan, Wei Wuxian’s expression still is one of great concern, and I doubt it’s out of fear for what the waiter has just told him. I think he’s just really worried about Lan Wangji. This is the first time that Lan Wangji has even been like this, even in the face of great danger, and Wei Wuxian is shaken by it.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |

[pinkbarefacedbeauty]

The Darkling is Problematic

Ok, admittedly I haven’t gotten around reading the book yet. I was watching the show…for the 4th time, I just caught something. I guess I might be slow or something because I literally just caught what was said.

Everyone at this point knows that the Darkling is a pedophile simply off the fact that he is over centuries old by trying to mess with Alina.

I don’’t know what people’s obsession with old ass men messing with teenage girls. Like you don’t even have the girl be of legal age? Doesn’t make it any better but you don’t even want it to be a woman in her thirties or mid-twenties, at the very least??

Even worse, it is a known fact that these type of books and media are targeted to teenage girls and their exaggerated imagination. I remember being in my teens and thirsting after older men and books that I could imagine myself as this betty sue character who all the guys are fawning over. Like i’d take off my glasses and i’d be banging hot.(because in media wearing glasses always equated to ugliness for some reason. No, for real, the heroine would literally take off her glasses, put a little eyeliner and lip gloss and suddenly everyone loved her new revealing style. Overnight hottie.) Like there are actual adults writing and encouraging pedophilia.

Leigh Bardugo wrote possibly everything about the Darkling being creepy as fuck. She didn’t intend for the Darkling to end up with Alina. She made it known how toxic he was. Like even in the Netflix show, you see his background and feel like “awww, how sad” but that doesn’t change all the creepy and horrible shit he has done since then. In her book and show, it is very clear that she is not shipping the Darkling and Alina together. She is making the darkling as villainous as possible.

The Darkling reads Alina’s letters to Mal. This is not some high school boy who stupidly thinks that reading the diary of the girl he likes would bring him closer to her because he just so really likes her. 

This is a man who is over a century old invading the privacy of a 17 year old girl through reading her letters. He reads her letters to find information on how to manipulate her, and he does just that. He feeds her this boohoo story of how he was never accepted and how he was mistreated based on his ancestor’s actions (like she was mistreated because she was half-shu). Everything he does is to get her to only lean on him: the random horseback excursions, the gloves, the story, etc.

Classic abuser behavior (besides actual abuse like collaring her) is to try and make her feel isolated and dependent on him, cutting her off from the people that actually loves her. He tries and make it seem like he is the only person she can lean on.  There are literally people that find it adorable that not only did he read her letters to Mal, manipulate her with the information in those letters, but that he also never had her letters sent out to Mal. They say, “Omg, he’s jealous of Mal”, like…. no, Mal is an obstacle to his ability to have Alina under his thumb. He even uses the information that Mal gave him about her favorite flowers to then give said flowers to this naive, and love-starved little girl. You know what would have been a better present? Let Alina see Mal, her one true North (As he knows from creepily reading her letters).

Like y’all really want a man that cuts you off from your home and family, goes through your mail without permission, guilt trips you (everyone at Little Palace was doing so), abuses you, and makes you feel as  if you’re nothing without him???  People are really obsessed with toxicity nowadays. Like i’m honestly scared for this world. 

If he was actually caring for Alina and looking out for her best interest, he would have (1) let her letters be delivered and receive letters to and from Mal, (2) he would have let Alina see Mal. Everyone else in Little Palace receives letters from loved ones but her. He would have done everything to make sure her new residency made her feel welcomed. 

The excuse of locking her up in Little Palace was for protection from the rest of the world, which made sense as we watched/read about the Grisha hunters. That was like okay, there was no choice in order to protect her. But the rest of his actions are completely inexcusable. His mother basically said it might have started off with good intentions, but he is just power hungry. When you are at war, there is bound to be casualties, but he is treating the Grisha as expendable tools to get his revenge against the country. 

Not only does he pimp out Genya to the king, but like his own mother said, he has had centuries to master manipulating naive little girls. He literally told Zoya and Alina the same thing “You and I are going to change the world”. The scene I just noticed and was thrown off by because it was the most overt thing was when Zoya basically sexually propositioned the Darkling, because it usually took his mind off of whatever was bothering him. Like old times….LIKE OLD TIMES??! 

Now, Zoya’s age is listed as 19-20 in the first book. But her saying “like old times” doesn’t give me the impression of one year ago or hell even four years ago. It seems like a distant past. That would mean this man who is over a century old was messing around with Zoya while she was even younger than Alina’s age (17) in first book. He has messed with countless young/underage impressionable girls who felt like they had no one else to rely on. He is literally preying on children and people are…..shipping this?

People like to excuse when gross ass men mess with 17 year old girls because (1) they are 17 year old girls themselves and consider themselves grown and the man to be hot or (2) they think that since they are only one year from 18 that that makes them grown.. Like no, these are still children. Literally, most people don’t even fully mature until age 25, some people for longer. But seventeen, eighteen, nineteen….these are still teenagers. Children. Then people want to say, ‘well that’s how it was back then!!! blah blah blah’……so you decide to ship it rather the more healthy, legal and logical choice??

It’s like people will shame you for shaming them for liking pedophilia. Like if you know it is gross as hell and you ship it, how can you blame others for shaming you? People like to call it kink-shaming. But I think that just diverts attention away from the issue. This is not shaming someone for liking to be spanked or their hair pulled. This is shaming grown ass men and women for encouraging pedophilia.

If he looked like Jason Voorhees under the mask, then these same people thirsting over the Darkling would be anything but supportive. But hey, I guess foul and disgusting evil behavior can all be excused if it is a hot guy with a sad story, right?

There were also people complaining about how older Ben Barnes looked than Jessi Mei Li, even if he is hot. Y’all know the character is supposed to be over a century right? Y’all should be satisfied that he didn’t show up looking like Albus Dumbledore. That’s the whole point…of how older he is than everyone around him. He is supposed to look older because *SURPRISE!* he is way older than her. 

Like the more I rewatch, I catch up all the little things and it just disturbs me even more that people are encouraging this. I can’t control what people think in their heads,  but don’t fuck up the rest of the generation by encouraging this disgusting shit. It creeps me the fuck out. 

[ladyalienist]

Rainbow walls and shame

I have a thing I need to get off my chest. It's been there for three days and half and it's now time to write about it.

So. I grew up in a pretty conservative enviroinment - in a rather complicated way, but generally speaking conservative. In early 2000s I barely knew what a gay man or a lesbian were and they were talked about with pity at best and open scorn at usual.

In 2005 a little girl joined my class. She had an incredible black mane of beautiful curls, a radiant smile, green eyes and an adorable accent. I was a bullied child - a full outcast, ostracized by everyone, frowned upon even by teachers, a disappointment in anything I tried. And this stunning creature chose me to be her first friend in class.

I felt blessed by some divine force whose goodness could not be questioned - my gratitude to her almost felt like worship. And I noticed that the feelings I had were not what one was supposed to have towards a friend. I was jealous when she talked to other girls in class (I also threw a rage fit I'm still ashamed of). I couldn't bear the thought of her having a boyfriend and leaving me alone again - yes, having a boyfriend was the big deal even then, in fucking elementary school.

So, being the curious and introspection-oriented child I was, I asked myself the dreaded question:

Am I a Lesbian?

Mind you: I was nine.

Yet I laid in bed, tense, unable to sleep (I started having disordered sleep patterns there), tormented by that terrible question. Am I a lesbian? I can't be one. I love my male crush (a boy in my class I was all over for five years and who never glanced at me twice and who's now a drug addict but that's another story). I can't be a lesbian. There's already too much wrongness in me.

Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know.

I managed to repress what I felt for other nine years - I spent my teenage years in a constant state of confusion towards other girls, because they were so pretty and I wanted to be like them (I'm not pretty in the slightest, I'm not attractive, and it was a problem back then), but when at night I dreamed of kissing them it was very weird. Oh well, sixteen years old me rationalized, must be that I want their boyfriend and since he actually has a repulsive personality (that's another story again) it's easier to imagine having something soft with them. But I'm straight. Totally straight. The fact that sex with boys feels awful is not a problem.

I was a teen, teens tend to not be very good at rationalizing things.

At eighteen I could not lie to myself any longer: I was in love with another girl. Now I could write an entire book about her and I - but that would be beside the point.

I laid in bed again, tears rolling silently down.

I am bisexual.

Now: I was not that terrified child anymore. I had been exposed to LGBT activism, I fully supported gay rights and gay people. My first "boyfriend" (another complicated story) was openly bisexual and I had supported him.

Yet it took me some time to come to terms with it for many reasons. I'm telling only the main two. One was: if I am part of the community, then my support for it when I told everyone I was straight as an arrow becomes a little hypocritical (teen black-or-white reasoning). The other: I cannot have a meaningful relationship with a boy, how am I ever supposed to achieve anything with a girl? The fact that the main reasons I couldn't have a nice boyfriend was that boys suck, or just that a life can be full even without romantic relationships, was unthinkable back then.

You see what was present at nine but absent at eighteen?

Shame.

I was not ashamed of myself or my sexuality. Not at all. I was not wrong for being bisexual - I actually thought it might be the least wrong thing with me.

So, now the actual post begins:

Monday was International Day Against Homophobia And Its Various Declinations. My social media feed was flooded with rainbows and tearful posts about LGBTQ+ youth and LGBTQ+ rights and whatever, blah, blah. From well-meaning people, let's be really clear.

I stayed silent, for I was feeling nothing but tired and ashamed. Tired - I want this to end. I want this to be a day for LGB, a day to actually speak about us, about our history, and not made it all about the TQ+. I want an honest conversation, I'm tired with this performative, shallow, useless rainbow wall. Ashamed - because I know how much the B, or at least a subset of people self-identifying as B, has its own responsibility in the loss of meaning of everything aimed at LGB.

I feel ashamed everytime I think a man is attractive and I would be lying if I said it doesn't happen (even when it comes to just celebrities, given also the unusually unsocial historical period). I feel lost when I find myself fantasizing about having a boyfriend - rationally I know I can never achieve a good relationship with a man, but wouldn't it be nice to just find one who can do the impossible? I'm not immune to my socialization. Even in radfem spaces it's hard to talk about it because it's hard to find a balance between male-pandering, I don't want to offend attitude and straight up rudeness.

At the same time I'd like a girlfriend - and I don't feel worthy of being loved of a woman who's amazing enough to be my romantic interest. I don't feel ready, I don't feel capable.

My bisexuality really feels like half-and-half. Like I can never be fully committed to someone (thanks to way too much of bisexual rep), I can never be fully described, I can never be fully understood. Even talking to fellow bisexuals sometimes is of no help, let alone to straight or homosexual people. I sometimes feel like I exist only as a porn fantasy - and I personally can't be that either because let's be clear no man wants a threesome with me (which is something I'm currently really glad of). I'm but a series of mismatched parts and desires that can never be accomplished - and that I can't talk about in this climate, because straights don't want to hear about us experiencing SSA and gays are rightly unwilling to hear about us experiencing OSA. And when you find the "inclusive" space it's all about dyed-haired queerios who LARP as gays and claim that "cis gays are gross" in the same sentence.

I cannot say I'm bisexual in a "normie" space because of fetishization and stereotypes - I cannot say I'm bisexual in LGBTQ+ spaces because anything is about the queerios - I cannot say I'm bisexual in other spaces because of this... because of that...

Maybe it's just a personal experience that still stems from feeling that there is a lot wrong with me. I have no clue.

But I really wished I could talk about how I feel openly, with no shame. And the very same community who should have made me proud of what I am is making me feel ashamed.

I don't know. I just needed to write it off.

[lampmeeting]

39 chickles >:)c

ask and ye shall receive :3 i hope this is okay!!!

39) “I’m so sick of your voice. Why don’t you come over here and put your mouth to better use?”

--

Something had gone wrong with...something. Pickles wasn’t sure what, but most of it was his fault apparently, so now he sat in Charles’ office on the wrong end of a lecture that threatened to eat up his entire afternoon. Wasn’t much to do besides say “uh-huh” and “I know” and “sorry” ad nauseum as he drifted from the office chair to the trophy placards on the wall to the glass cases full of fuck all, until finally he gave up on feigning interest altogether and sprawled across the overstuffed leather sofa beneath that godawful antler chandelier. 

“Pickles!”

Pickles sat up on his elbows just enough to see Charles still at his desk. At some point he’d removed his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves. A good look for him, but one that meant he was nearing his wit’s end.

“Uh-huh?”

“Are you even listening? I’m trying to explain the situation, here.”

“I know.” And he didn’t care, not really. He just wanted to get out of there and smoke a bowl already.

“I don’t think you truly realize the trouble you’ve caused.”

“Sorry.” For what, he didn’t know. Did it even matter? Charles always took care of everything no matter what, and Pickles was going to fuck up again, he always did, so what was the point of any of this?

“Sorry simply doesn’t cut it this time.” Charles shuffled some papers at his desk, looked at his cell, sighed. “I’m going to have to schedule a whole apology tour, and I’ll have to, ah, hire someone to handle your social media for the time being until this all cools down. This was such a monumental misstep on your part, Pickles, and I don’t even understand how you—”

“Blah blah fuckin’ blah,” Pickles said finally, flopping backwards on the sofa again. “Gahd, I’m so sick of yer voice.”

Charles stopped dead mid-sentence, struck mute.

Pickles flashed a victorious grin and decided to go for broke. He grabbed the crotch of his jeans and spread his legs. “Why don’tcha come over here and put yer mouth to better use?”

It was meant to be a stupid taunt, something to get him thrown out of the office for being a pest. But Charles just sat there at the desk, eyes wide behind his glasses, and the weirdest little laugh bubbled out of him.

“Pickles.”

“What?”

Charles pushed away from the desk and walked over to the sofa, limping slightly as if he hadn’t been out of his chair once all day. Pickles sat up to make room, and Charles perched at the edge of the cushion. “I’m sorry.”

“Wait, yer sorry?”

“I know you didn’t mean to. I know it was a mistake, and I’ve still been browbeating you for, ah—” Charles checked his watch and winced. “—nearly three hours. As much as I enjoy spending time with you, I, ah...I’d rather it not be like this. I’m just stressed, and it seems I’m taking it out on you, and so yes, ah...I’m sorry.”

A warm flush of shame heated Pickles face. It wasn’t like Charles to speak so intimately to him with the sun still up. “S’okay, chief. I’m sorry, too. Really.” He still wasn’t sure what for exactly, but if it was bad enough to cause Charles this much stress, he figured an earnest apology was in order. He gripped Charles’ knee and pressed. “Really. Really sorry.”

“Pickles…” Eyes darted behind the glasses. “Not here. I thought we agreed...”

“Why not? You had me lock the door when I came in, didn’tcha?” When Charles only swallowed and had no comeback, Pickles slid his hand up those soft dress slacks to cup between his thighs, earning a faint moan that he interrupted with a kiss. With some gentle coaxing, he pushed him backwards into the throw pillows at the arm of the couch, still rubbing him through his pants, feeling him firm up under his palm.

“I just…” Charles breathed evenly but deeply in that telling way that strained the buttons of his shirt. “I-I’d rather not make a mess. I, ah. I have a dinner meeting later.”

Pickles kissed him again, the clean scent of aftershave in his nose and rich coffee on his tongue. They broke apart and Charles leaned forward in the empty space between them, lips parted and already pink. Typical Charlie, trying to talk himself out of this while obviously aching for it.

“I won’t make a mess,” Pickles told him, his fingers working to undo the belt and get those slacks open. “Awright?”

Charles shivered as Pickles reached what he was after. “All right.” He loosened his tie just a bit and took a deep breath. “Suppose I can, ah...spare ten minutes or so.”

“Ten?” Pickles laughed, crawling down the cushions to tuck in over Charles’ lap. “Live a little. Gimme a half hour.” Though even that felt much too short. There was an artform to sucking dick, a beginning, middle, and end, and Pickles fancied himself one talented storyteller. The longer the tale, the more satisfying the climax, as it were.

“Fifteen. I have work to dooohh…” Pickles cut him off again, taking his cock into his mouth and rolling his tongue under the head, tasting the salt of him. “F-fine…twenty…”

Pickles came up with a wet pop. “And I wantcha makin’ some noise fer me, Charlie.”

“Mm...and here I thought you were sick of my voice.”

“Okay, twenty-five minutes, just fer that. Starting...now.”

Charles tried again to protest, but the words dissolved into a long, trembling moan. The first of many.

[thehollowprince]

I know "blah blah, fanfic can do whatever" but I hate how 99% of fic portrays druids and emissaries, cuz it's a glaring white power fantasy. Deaton is demonized for "not doing his job" whatever that means. Being a druid or emissary for Deaton and Morrell means they must be obedient slaves to white packs. But Druid!Emissary!Stiles can do whatever he wants, have a social life, whatever. He can literally practice evil blood magic but it's Deaton who's shady and nefarious

The way druids were portrayed on the show versus how they're portrayed in fandom is so different that one would be forgiven for wondering if the latter was in any way based on the former.

I'll be the first to admit, I was curious about Deaton and his skills since the first season (and then Morrell once she was introduced) because of how mysterious they were kept. Even more so when we found out about the Druids because I'm a huge fan of humans and magic and witchcraft. And one of the things I was absolutely fascinated by was this show's down-to-earth approach to the supernatural. The werecreatures were all based around biology (for the most part) and most of it wasn't over-the-top and flashy like you'd see in other supernatural themed shows (like Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer of True Blood). With exceptions, of course, such as the

In particular I liked that the Druids didn't have all these supernatural powers. Instead of having them flying around shooting fireballs from their eyes, their skills were based on their intuition and wisdom, on things like medicine and psychology. It was a nice change of pace from what this particular genre loves to throw out there, and I thought that it worked really well within the confines of this mythos. Where all these supernatural creatures are battling it out, trying to constantly one-up each other, the Druids were on the sidelines, trying to keep the balance. They weren't overly powerful, so they didn't get directly involved, instead offering their wisdom to those who wanted it, as opposed to just giving their opinions unprompted.

I think that's where a lot of people in the fandom had a hard time relating to the Druids. Their neutrality. They didn't get involved unless asked, and even then they only offered advice rather than taking the situation into their own hands, enforcing their rule on others. Its the difference between knowledge and wisdom, and it's also why I think Deaton worked so well with Scott and his Pack. Scott was physically incapable of sitting by and letting bad things happen, especially if there was something he could do about it. Meanwhile, Deaton offered his advice without hovering, with controlling, letting Scott fall and pick himself up and grow along the way.

I actually have a whole headcanon of the Hunters being an offshoot of the Druids, taking a more direct approach to the conflicts of werewolves and the damage they caused (whether deliberately or not) to the world around them.

To get back to your point, most fans completely forget that the Druids were advisors and healers, not conquerors, not enforcers. And I'm sure the fact that the only two Druids we had on the show were black didn't help fandom views on the situation.

People look at these two and see the Magical Negro trope, rather akin to Bonnie Bennett on The Vampire Diaries, someone there simply to help the white heroes as needed and then disappear like the good little servants they're supposed to be. They look at a situation where they couldn't just stand by and let bad things happen (totally understandable) and judge these two characters for taking their time to assess the situation before making any kind of move.

Fandom looks at Deaton and Morrell and judges them because they're not acting the way modern media tells us they should be acting in this particular scenario. Instead, fandom wants them to be more like Jennifer Blake.

Fandom wants the badass witch stereotype who throws their power around, consequences be damned, not ever acknowledging that its this "Act First, Think Later" way of doing things that caused almost every problem in the show.

To make matters worse, they look at Jennifer and see the epitome of what a Druid should be, ignoring the fact that she's no longer a Druid. Why she turned into a Darach is understandable, given her circumstances, but everyone forgets that to have that power, she murdered twelve innocent people. She didn't grow into that power, she stole it by sacrificing those around her. Y'know, for all of 3As problems, it did a nice job of showcasing the parallels between Jennifer and Deucalion. They were both people who achieved their extreme power by violating the natural order and committing murder. Its a shame they didn't focus on that more.

Bottom line is, as you said, if and when the fandom turns to the concept of Druids for fic, usually to give Stiles a power boost, they use it solely as a white power fantasy. They completely ignore everything about the Druids that made them interesting in canon, and completely demonize Deaton and Morrell in the process.

But its not racism, right?

I'm not gonna lie, the Druids were one of my favorite parts of this shows mythology. Its just a shame more people didn't appreciate them for what they were as opposed to what they thought they should be.

[dustedandsocial]

Top Several Hundred Records of 2020

My Top 11: 1. Slum Of Legs - Slum Of Legs (Harbinger Sound / Spurge) 2. Oily Boys - Cro Memory Grin (Cool Death) 3. Model Home - SE (Future Times) 4. Valentina Magaletti & Marlene Ribeiro - due matte (Commando Vanessa / Horn of Plenty <O) 5. Kris & Tavi - Kris & Tavi (Misophonia) 6. Still House Plants - Fast Edit (Bison) 7. None - Khneï Khneï Thnacapata Thnacapata (Unknown Precept) 8. Rychlicki / Kostkiewicz - Zapis (Absolute Fiction / Maternal Voice) 9. Rosso Polare - Lettere Animali (Klammklang) 10. Patois Counselors - The Optimal Seat (ever/never) 11. Impatiens - Scene At The River (Altered States) Favorite 20 That Weren't My Top 11: 12. Irma Vep - Embarrassed Landscape (Gringo) 13. FRKSE - Desecration Anxiety II (Iron Lung) 14. Merula - Sleep (Men Scryfa) 15. Al Karpenter - If We Can't Dream, They Can't Sleep!! (ever/never) 16. BbyMutha - Muthaland (the muthaboard) 17. Pose Dia - Front View (Bureau B) 18. SIR E.U - Midnight Train To Velvet (Self-Released) 19. Nightshift - Nightshift (Cusp) 20. Massicot - Kratt (Harbinger Sound / Spurge / Bongo Joe / Red Wig) 21. Alessandra Novaga - I Should Have Been a Gardener (Die Schachtel) 22. Zeroh - BLQLYTE (Leaving) 23. Swallow - Body Horror (ANA) 24. Pink Siifu & Fly Anakin - FlySiifu's (Lex) 25. Balans - Sam pravm (Kapa) 26. Bruch - The Fool (Trost / Cut Surface) 27. P22 - Human Snake (Post Present Medium) 28. ovrkast. - Try Again (do more.) 29. Chapelier Fou - Méridiens (Ici d'ailleurs) 30. Schisms - Speech Copy Rap Master (Fort Evil Fruit) 31. Új Bála - How the Cookie Crumbles (Czaszka Records)

Mozo Mozo - Mozo Mozo (Epileptic Media) Orion Moustache - EP02 (Noorden) Mentira! - Mentira! (Harbinger Sound) Leyden Jars - Gone (Outer Reaches) Last Call At Nightowls - Ask the Dust (Subsound) Gaffer - Gaffer (Helta Skelta) Inturist (Интурист) - Action! (Incompetence) Директор Всего (The CEO of Everything) - Самый занятой гражданин (Doing Great Music) Christos Chondropoulos - On Nature (12th Isle) Uptown XO - Culture Over Corporate  (1 Force United) Lichen Gumbo - Altered Village (Ikuisuus ‎/ Jumatsuga ‎/ Lal Lal Lal) The Worms - Back To The Bog (Hidden Bay) Kneeling In Piss - Music for Peasants EP (Anyway) Taste - Rope In The Closet ( If Society / Half Bear Half Cat / Roge Records) Flogging A Dead One Horse Town - Old Scum EP (MUZAI) BIG $ILKY (Psalm One & Angel Davanport) - BIG $ILKY Vol. 2 (Self-Released) Dame Area - La Soluzione É Una (Màgia Roja / B.F.E Records) Enir Da - Silence (Too Soon Tapes) Obnox - Savage Raygun (ever/never) Mike Cooper - Playing With Water (Room40) Nape Neck - Nape Neck (Self-Released) S.U.V. - Neoliberal Folk Songs II (Otomatik Muziek) Patrick Shiroishi - Descension (Thin Wrist Recordings) Pink Siifu - NEGRO (Self-Released) En Attendant Ana - Juillet (Trouble In Mind) Sergei Demin - Not Music Of The Day (Klammklang) Brandy - The Gift Of Repetition (Total Punk) Nyx Nótt - Aux Pieds De La Nuit (Melodic) Bearer - Precincts (ANA) Norms - Háború és fű (Mindig Otthon Punk Discs) Vertical Slump - Oubliette (Blank Editions) Lau Nau - Själö (With Sound Environments by Janne Laine) (Fonal) Model Home - One Year (Disciples) WOW - Falene (Maple Death) Santa Sprees - Sum Total of Insolent Blank (Leapantique) Edd Sanders - Sun Bleached & Hollow (Cadmus) Charlemagne Palestine - Ffroggssichorddd (Staalplaat) Loopsel - Loopsel EP (Mammas Mysteriska Julebox) Kuupuu - Plz Tell Me (KRAAK) (I forget whether I put the oriinal version of this on my year-end list last year. Here it is again though) QQ - Vanguard Youth (Skrot Up) DJ Speedsick - (All Releases) Armand Hammer - Shrines (Backwoodz Studioz) Lewsberg - In This House (12XU) Ubiquitous Meh! - Fecund With Love (Buried Treasure / Damnsonic) Schulverweis - Suppe (Neoprimitive) La Chasse - Meretrix ∕ Doloris (Donnez-moi du feu) No - Vol. 1 (Faustian Haus) David Nance - Staunch Honey (Trouble In Mind) Hun Bed - Brood I (Het Generiek) Młody Kotek & Niemy Dotyk - New Age Speedball (Enjoy Life) Aurat - Zeher (Etang Brulant) Addict Ameba - Panamor (Black Sweat) Sunset Flips - Between Two Sheds (Altered States) Small Bills (E L U C I D & The Lasso) - Don't Play It Straight (Mello Music Group) Nail Club - Collected Methods (Hot Releases) Maximum Ernst - Time Delay Safe (ever/never) Tim Hicks X The Dirty Church - Bullets (Humble Monarch) Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon - GOD Body & Soul Side B (Self-Released) Red Bennies - Futurist, Nihilist Post-Rock, Cyberpunk, Anti-Humanist Music (Chthonic) Tsap - Flickering Lyghte In Campsite (Altered States) Latex Cop - Privacy Policy (Cadmus Tape) Ka - Descendants of Cain (Iron Works) Violent Quand On Aime - The Movie Star (Simple Music Experience) Flaner Klespoza - Przygody i tajemnice (Nagrania Somnambuliczne) Budokan Boys - So Broken Up About You Dying (ever/never) Datblygu - Cwm Gwagle (Ankstmusik) Pays P. - Pays P. (Gravity Music) Somaticae - Amesys (In Paradisum) Kipp Stone - Homme (Self-Released) Sada Baby - Bartier Bounty 2 Tribalism3 - April on Mars (Collectif Coax) Men With Secrets - Psycho Romance and Other Spooky Ballads (The Bunker) Brainbeau - Infinite Ways (Good Samaritron) Landowner - Consultant (Born Yesterday) Jay & Yuta - Condemned Compilations (Research) Machine Woman - Dj Dolfin Snare 808 Machine (Take Away Jazz) Slowburn - Folketro (momeatdadrecords) Twinkle³ - Minor Planets (Marionette) Unglee Izi - notice & initiation au monde alterné T.1 (Lost Dogs Entertainment) Sick Urge - Structures of Domination (Puukotus-Levyt) German Army - Pulling at Principles (Flophouse) NAPPYNAPPA - IFEELJUSTLYKTHEIRART (Bad Taste) Social Stomach + Body Shame - Split (Bento) Pacific Yew - Squeeze Demo (Hot Record Societe) Isabella - Magnetica (Ehse) Trrma´ & Charlemagne Palestine - Sssseegmmeentss Frrooom Baaari (Jazz Engine) Astute Palate - Astute Palate (Petty Bunco / Eternal Soundcheck) Axel Larsen - Les Éléments Du Crime (Macadam Mambo) Post Spiderhole Ensemble - False Alarms and Excess Baggage (Kitchen Leg) Cash Kidd - No Socks Senyawa & Stephen O'Malley - Bima Sakti (iDEAL Recordings) Henny L.O. - Sages (Mutant Academy) True Sons Of Thunder - It Was Then That (Total Punk) Tim Gick - Não Há Laranja ∕ Scrying Glass Eye (Working Man Lay Down) Junk Magic - Compass Confusion (Pyroclastic Records) Person of Interest - All Tomorrows Parties (Exotic Dance) Pumice - Table (Soft Abuse) Max Nordile - Building A Better Void (Gilgongo) Mrs. Dink + Magnum Opus - Mrs. Dink / / Magnum Opus  (Soil) Swamp Harbour (Stinkin Slumrok, Bisk, & Sam Zircon) - Swamp Harbour (Blah) Camden Malik - Understand Me (10k) Heckadecimal - Critters (Kajunga) Geld - Beyond The Floor (Iron Lung) Drakeo the Ruler & JoogSzn - Thank You For Using GTL Senketsu No Night Club - 沈丁花 (Signora Ward) Jef Mertens - NO AMP (291) Tomaga ‎– Extended Play 2 (Self-Released) [R.I.P. Tom Relleen] Boldy James & The Alchemist - The Price Of Tea In China Shoreline Mafia - Mafia Bidness pisse - LP (Phantom / Harbinger Sound) Reymour ‎– Sarabande A Deux (CAF?) Goldblum - Goldblum (Het Generiek) Phil Struck - Schleswig-Holstein Aufnahmen (Séance Centre) Maths Balance Volumes - A Year Closer (Penultimate Press) Body Double - Milk Fed (Zum Audio) Low Flung - Oil in the Mangroves (Bedroom Suck) Chris Crack - White People Love Algorithms (New Deal Collectives) Krypton 81 - Tranquility Base EP (Dalmata Daniel) Akai Solo - Ride Alone, Fly Together (Break All Records) Gad Whip - Fanimal Arms (Gad Whip Recordings) Tygapaw - Get Free (NAAFI) Pamela_ and her sons - Pink Room (Self-Released) Etceteral - Ama-Gi (Kapa Records) Ghostie - Self Hate Wraith (Self-Released) Young Nudy - Anyways DrxQuinnx & Chase Baby - God Gooch & Blue Jesus EP (Bit Tape) Museum Of No Art - Museum of No Art (Séance Centre) Terrible Signal - The Window (Heart of the Rat) Bambi OFS - Yakka (B.F.E Records / Subsist) Zarabatana - Cum Raio (tsss tapes) Soberin Exx - Normal Islands (Liquid Library) Sylvain Darrifourcq, Manuel Hermia, Valentin Ceccaldi - Kaiju Eats Cheeseburgers (Full Rhizome / Hector) Günter Schlienz + Jeans Beast - Split (Econore) Hasufel - Lamentations of the Foul High Priest (So Called Hell) Delphine Dora - L’Inattingible (Three:four / Meakusma) Suburban Cracked Collective - Swimming Amongst The Dregs (A Colourful Storm) Military Genius - Deep Web (Unheard Of Hope) Mesa Of The Lost Women - Les Tables Noires (Specific) Ferocious (Bill Direen, Mark Williams, & Johannes Contag) - Ferocious (Rattle) Domestiques - Vol. 1 (Glass Modern) gogoj a.k.a Sheng Jie - oviparity (Maybe Noise / WV Sorcerer Productions) Midnight Mines - Live From The Mystery Plane (Independent Woman) Muro - Pacificar (Beach Impediment) Satan - Toutes Ces Horreurs (Jungle Khôl / Throatruiner) Scarlatine - Mimosa (Le Syndicat Des Scorpions) Vanligt Folk - Allt E'nte (Kess Kill) VOLE - Dej Bůh Pěstí (Stoned To Death) Upsidedown Flames - Creeps At Shows EP (Fuck Yoga) Zurich Cloud Motors - Do More Than Deconstruct​-​o (Zazen Tapes)

Buncha other records

Sweeping Promises record wasn't that good though. But if you guys like it when people take singing seriously, you should check out some of this music called "R&B"

[vanhelsingenthusiast]

Hm. Not to post abt this twice in one day, but I’ve kinda been thinking abt the interesting shift from shipping Mina with Dracula, to now shipping Jonathan with Dracula, and I kinda wonder why that’s happened. 

(full disclaimer: I do not like either of these ships, but if these are something that bring you joy, you can have that. Please do not let my rambling ruin smthn for you.) 

Let’s start with dissecting the whole Mina x Dracula ship. I know in 2020, when most of the fandom, while maybe not hating it, at least has some healthy wariness of the ship, it might seem hard to think that, at one point in time, it was the most common ship in the fandom. Even before fandom was really a thing. It started back in the 1970s, blah blah blah. I won’t give you a whole history lesson (though it is interesting to note that it didn’t actually start with the 1992 Coppola film). But it’s interesting because the entire reason why it is so prevalent, in nearly every adaptation, besides being, well, for lack of a better term, kinda fucking stupid, is because at one point in time those who made up the fandom did ship it. Fred Saberhagen had it as the major relationship in his book because he shipped it. Everyone who has ever written a Dracula adaptation where that was the major relationship did so because they shipped it. But that has, obviously drastically changed, and now a majority of the fandom ship Dracula with Jonathan. As of right now, Dracula/Jonathan Harker tag on ao3 has 195 works, whereas the Dracula/Mina Harker tag only has 85. 

So what the hell happened? 

I think it started with the 2020 Dracula adaptation, honestly. 

See, the majority of the fics were written after that show came out. 97 of the fics for this ship on ao3 are tagged as Dracula (2020). It CLEARLY has some role to play. 

Even though the romance between Dracula and Jonathan is, well, horrifically written, and homophobic as hell, it did plant the seed, so to speak. It kinda just said “well, what if?” and a lot of people were drawn to it (which I *totally* understand, btw). I think that that little push gave all the people who already shipped it extra momentum, and also people who are newer to the fandom have the basis for a really interesting ship. And it was shipped before the 2020 Dracula -- the oldest fic I could find was written in 2004. So it was definitely a thing, just so much less of a thing than, pretty much any other ship. 

I think another thing that has changed is how people interact with fandom and fanfiction as a whole, tbh. For a long time, it was shameful to write fanfiction, especially gay fanfiction. Now, fandom is seen as almost a haven for queer ships and content, especially because it’s so lacking in mainstream media. It’s almost a prerequisite that a fandom has at least one gay ship, even if it doesn’t make any sense (and, well. I have my own thoughts on how much sense Dracula and Jonathan make together, but that is neither here nor there, lmao). And before fandom, with things like the Hayes Codes and shit like that, it was nearly impossible to depict a gay relationship, especially between a main character and a villain. And while gay rep isn’t exactly amazing, it is much more accepted, and even in encouraged in fandom spaces. 

The truth is, fandom is a great place to explore yourself, and the things you love, in relative comfort. I think part of the shift in which Harker people ship Dracula with has come from queer people feeling more comfortable to explore themselves in fandom. 

I think it’s a mixture of all of the above: from the 2020 Dracula adaptation giving it fuel, to the want for more queer ships, etc. etc. It’s so interesting to see the way it’s changed, and the way the fandom has been shaped over the years. 

In conclusion, I don’t even know I’m just infodumping lmao thanks for reading.