#she was for all intents and purposes disabled in the same way i am and it was heartening to see how much love they had for her

[andragoras-in-vanity]

isekai is such a popular genre right now, and its taken a clear shift from 'i got isekai'd and now im a fantasy hero!' to 'i got isekai'd and now i get to live a quiet and happy life in the countryside/as a librarian/pharmacist' and obviously a lot of it is just......someone wrote this to kill time and draw boobies, but Parallel World Pharmacy was so good???? i cried so many times, and i love the shift in tone the genre has gained with stuff like that

[poorlittleyaoyao]

vines I am staring at your MY canon divergence au and would love to hear more about it!!!

OKAY SO.

This AU exists for two main reasons:

1.) A lot of fix-it fic for JGY seems to focus on him being "saved" from his canon fate via romantic relationship, and that simply doesn't cut it for me. You really want to free him from the destructive weight of his misplaced filial piety in a way that doesn't just handwave it all away? You save his mom. You save his mom and enable them both to know JGS is a lost cause from the get-go and give them the means to forge a different path.

2.) WQ and MY are my faves and I want them to hang out!

As I said, I will almost certainly not write the whole thing out. I did post the inciting portion where MY actually arriving in Qishan and WQ starts treating MS, but as you can see, I did not finish it over the summer as intended, because I am the world's slowest writer. But I think about the ways it could go a lot! It's a little thing--just pushing a canonical event earlier in the timeline and changing the impetus--but it has SUCH impact. Aside from what I mentioned in the tags of that other post:

-MY no longer has any ties to Qinghe. He and NMJ can still clash (since MY is for all intents and purposes a Wen), but it's not personal in quite the same "I lived in your household for a substantial amount of time" sort of way

-WQ has someone she can talk to who's in similar straits! This is all based on CQL canon foremost, and what's striking to me about her is that she never gets to be a kid. Even at Cloud Recesses, while her peers are having a silly goofy time, she's on high alert doing WRH's work. WN's behavior suggests that he knows the vibe is weird, but he doesn't seem to understand exactly how fucked things are, which in turn implies that WQ is deliberately shielding him from it. That's so much stress that she's bottling up! With MY there in the same situation of abetting atrocities to protect beloved family members, at least she has someone to confide in (while their situations are juuuust different enough to conflict).

-MENG SHI REACTS TO: EVERYTHING. Those five sentences of information about her are so interesting. She's clever! She's shrewd! She's also compassionate, I feel, because MY had to get his altruism and his loyalty to those who show him kindness from SOMEWHERE, and he certainly didn't get it from his dad, WRH, or anyone else he grew up with. I have a whole backstory for her that I cannot write because hooo boy the effort required would not be worth the reward, but I want so much to explore how she'd respond to the fucked-up situation of being beholden to the Evil Regime. On the one hand, she knows the Wen clan under WRH are doing horrible things, and I don't think that would sit well with her. On the other hand... MY inherited his survival drive from somewhere, too. What does MS feel she owes to society when that society abused and degraded her?

-MS and WQ would also have some things to talk about on the "making great sacrifices for family" front, I think.

-Less seriously, XY meets MS and probably calls her a slur to be edgy, and she hits him right back but in a way that he finds fun rather than takes personally, and now she's on XY's list of People He'll Murder For On The Slightest Provocation.

-MY and/or MS might know about the core transfer and that sure is a fun piece of information for more people not named Jiang Cheng to possess!

-I think MS gets to date WZL firstly on account of WZL being a total catch who respects smart women going by his ??? with YZY, secondly on account of them both getting a lot of shit from society for their work (though the one who voluntarily disables people for a living is treated more respectfully by far bc this is a horrible garbage world!), and thirdly because MS is going to have to bear witness to Xiyao and Chengqing and she deserves something for herself there.

-I mentioned "what about after the war?" in the tags of that other post, but ahhh the Optimal Outcome here fixes EVERYTHING. JGS offers to legitimize MY. MY kind of wants to tell him to fuck himself, but realizes that his and MS are in a highly unstable position and he needs to go all-out on convincing people He Was A Good Guy All Along. (WQ and WN don't have that luxury with their Wen surname.) He accepts on the condition that prisoners are treated with mercy and MS is also granted security. JGS provides exactly neither of these things, as MS is either shunted off to a prison camp with the Wen remnants or she's isolated within Jinlintai as a means to keep MY compliant. How do we solve this? Unclear! Maybe XY finds out JGS is being a dick to Meng Shi, A Person He Likes, and he impales him about it. Regardless, we have MY and the Jiang sibs (plus Jiang-in-law Zixuan) all conspiring together, and in an ideal scenario, I believe in them.

-There are also a lot of sad messed-up ways this could go, but. I do not want it to this time. At least not for my two faves and MS. Everyone else........ debatable.

Again, I cannot stress enough that this is not ever going to be an actual longfic. I have written one (1) longfic ever and it was three years ago and not even that long. But it has POTENTIAL.

[nobodysdaydreams]

Hello TMBS fandom. This is a request for a little help with some of my fic writing from any extraordinary education fans.

So I write mostly for the show, but am at the point where I want to start writing and referencing “show versions” for some of the book characters, and the one I’m working on right now is Violet Hopefield. Sadly, I have not read extraordinary education, and was hoping to get some character details.

I do want to preface this by saying that my intention is to write the character in a way that follows the plot lines I’ve set up, so while I won’t be writing an exact copy of the character, I do want an idea of what she’s like. Think the differences between book and show Noland and Canonball or even book Curtain and show Curtain. Are they the same? No. But you see the book character they are based on in them, while acknowledging that this is a slightly different story and a different version of them, while still enjoying both the show and book versions of the characters.

Head canons or popular head canons are appreciated, but I'm mainly looking for what's canon so if something is "canon to you" based on how the character acts, I'll consider it, but please specify what's canon and what's not.

With that in mind, here's a rundown of what I know and what I'd like to know. I'll start with Violet, but I might include a few things for John too (and I'll have some questions about a few other book characters eventually, but I'll stick with them for now).

Violet Hopefield:

The biggest gripe I think people might have with the way I'd write her is her age. Apparently in the books, the ages are Nicholas (9), John (12), Violet (14). The fandom wikipedia stuff I found only said that Violet had an 8th grade education and didn't list her age, so in a book series about genius kids, I just imagined her being younger than John, around Nicholas' age. Obviously this was a mistake, and given that show Nicholas is 12, that bumps the ages at which he meets them to Nicholas (12), John (15), Violet (17). My question is, if I made her character younger, like...around Nicholas' age, would that completely destroy the character? I know this is a big ask, but please, it's for plot purposes, and you'll be grateful later. I just want to know if it's a situation where "yes the characters are technically different ages, but at the end of the day, they're all just friends hanging out and who the oldest is doesn't really matter" vs. "Violet is the older mature one of the group. This is one of, if not her main defining character trait and changing it completely changes the character." If it's option two, I might still make Violet younger, while being very careful to make her a younger but mature child, like what they did with show Constance where she's not a toddler anymore, but she makes up for it by being extremely violent and fighting falcons (or what they did with the twin's ages, and Number Two and Rhonda's ages, etc.)

I know Violet is deaf, and Nicholas learns sign language to talk to her, but she's extremely good at reading lips. Her disability would for sure be part of the fic, and I've already read tips on and thought about ways I can incorporate this (at the risk of finding false info on ASL signs, I plan on writing when signing occurs, but won't make an attempt to write out the exact hand motions unless I can verify that what I'm describing is factually correct). Her ability to read lips is interesting, and I'm not sure how it's done in the books or whether it's done accurately (It is estimated that only 30% to 40% of speech sounds can be lip-read even under the best conditions and extra information is usually required to understand what is being said. That's from google, but I've heard that stat a lot). I plan to stay true to the books in this regard, but will be highlighting the fact that this is unusual and extremely impressive on Violet's part. How will I be doing that? That's a spoiler so unfortunately, I can't share, but I do have that covered. If there are any descriptions of sign language or aspects of deaf culture included in the books that are also important to include in fic, please let me know (I am also aware that her mother is also deaf, more on her later).

I know she's an artist. Not sure what she likes to draw (people? nature?) or what style she uses (painting? sculpting? sketches?), but if there's info on that, I'll take it. I also know she had an interest in going to art school (the whole Nicholas thing isn't an issues anymore since he's adopted by the Glenn's), so I will have her doing art competitions and stuff like that.

And that's a summation of everything I know about her. Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance (though that's subject to change, the show certainly changed that a lot for some characters, but I'd like to know what I can use), any defining beliefs or principles she lives by or revolves her life around, the top adjectives you think describe her, character quirks (e.g., Kate's bucket), and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of her character.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "she would NOT say/do that OR she would not say/do that without very special circumstances. For example, book Curtain would never adopt a child. In the show, he does, and most of us are fine with that, because they explain and clearly show the differences between the show and book characters. In another example, they made show Benedict a more flawed or maybe a better word is relatable mentor. And most of us were fine with that too, again, because they showed us how he arrived at that point. However, if they made Mr. Benedict a mean or unpleasant person, that would totally rip apart his character, regardless of the justification you gave for it. Obviously, what falls into the "would never" and "under the right conditions" categories is subject to debate, so I'll use my best judgment, but would still appreciate a starter list to go off.

Finally, anything else you think is relevant about Violet or her relationships with other characters is appreciated.

John Cole:

I know John Cole is Violet's brother, and he is adopted. I understand this happens in the books and that Nicholas and John are in an orphanage together, but since this is a show version of the character, this will actually happen before Nicholas meets them, but John Cole is still adopted. What I don't know are the circumstances of his adoption. Did the Hopefield's adopt him because he was friends with Violet? Is that why they wanted to adopt Nicholas too? How did the Hopefield's meet him? Do we know anything about John's bio family and culture that differs from the Hopefield's?

I've seen a lot about John Cole and farms. And a post about he and his wife having a farm. Does he actually have a wife in canon? Do the Hopefield's have a farm? Or does John just have "farmer vibes"? Is getting a city job something John would do or did he declare himself to have a deep seated hatred of the big city?

I know John calls Nicholas "Nick" on at least one occasion. Is this what John normally calls him? Do the Hopefield's and Violet call Nicholas "Nick" too, or is this just a "John thing"?

Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance, any defining beliefs or principles John lives by or revolves his life around, the top adjectives you think describe him, character quirks, and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of John's character.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "he would NOT say/do that OR he would not say/do that without very special circumstances as discussed above.

Any of course, anything else you think is relevant about John Cole or his relationships with other characters is appreciated.

The Hopefields:

I know Mrs. Hopefield is also deaf. Can she read lips too? Is Mr. Hopefield also deaf?

What are the Hopefield's occupations? I read something about them being miners and poor, not sure if that's accurate.

Why are they interested in adopting? Have they always been interested in adopting? Why did they want to adopt John?

Are there any important aspects to the Hopefield's culture or family philosophy? For example, if the Hopefield's are, say, Jewish or immigrants, or some sort of culture is mentioned, I would like to know so I can represent that properly and not accidently write it out of the story.

Are there any other members of the Hopefield family besides the parents, Violet, and John? Any beloved pets?

Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance, any defining beliefs or principles they live by or revolve their lives around, the top adjectives you think describe them, character quirks, and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of their characters.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "they would NOT say/do that OR they would not say/do that without very special circumstances as discussed above.

Any of course, anything else you think is relevant about the Hopefields or their relationships with other characters is appreciated.

Thanks guys! Feel free to add to the post, DM, or drop by my ask box.

And yes, eventually with enough time, I might like to read extraordinary education someday, but I'd likely write this fic first, so I want to get some accurate info. Plot spoilers are fine, that won't deter me from reading it.

[kalena-henden]

While Junho is absolutely wonderful and selfless, he is still a person who has interests, hobbies, opinions and desires. Unfortunately, we don’t know much about him and that is on purpose. He’s been mostly seen from Youngwoo’s point of view, first as a colleague, then as a friend and potential love interest. Junho has been very attentive and helpful to Youngwoo in both professional and personal ways to show how interested he is in getting to know her. But the same cannot be said of Youngwoo. While she is aware of him and appreciates him, she has not reciprocated in trying to get to know him. This is essential with both friends and lovers. There is a give and take that must go both ways. 

If we look at the times we’ve seen Junho in his own life, they were all during moments that he was interacting with or thinking about Youngwoo: getting her unexpected phone call about whales while he was brushing his teeth in the morning, getting home from work to agonize over whether or not to apologize via text about his friend mistaking her for a charity case, getting angry with his roommate for talking down about Youngwoo’s autism to their boss, and drunkenly confessing he likes her to his roommate but being vague about the reservations he has about starting a relationship. 

Also, we need to take into account the times Junho has felt unseen or rejected by her. When he put boundaries on whale talk, he asked her if she had anything else to say to him and she said no. He laughed it off at the time, but it was an opportunity for them to potentially connect on other things that she turned down, including inquiring about his interests so they might find a common interest. When he waited for her outside the restaurant and tried to interact with her, she acknowledged his presence after he called to her but then immediately turned and walked away when he was trying to walk toward her to talk. When she came back to the office to fight for Geurami’s father, Junho was so excited to see her and told her he missed spending time with her. But their interaction left him standing in the lobby looking forlorn as she politely acknowledged his presence but showed no interest in return before she quickly left. On the van ride, Youngwoo insisted that the cute couple sit next to each other and made him move seats to sit next to his other female colleague to his discomfort. When he brought her the legal papers in Attorney Jung’s office, he wanted to interact with her but she didn’t even acknowledge his presence which Suyeon noticed and called her out on. And lastly, Youngwoo running away after she asked to touch him and then freaked out when he almost kissed her. His face shows he was dismayed and worried that he had done something wrong when he was trying to show how much he cared. It’s completely understandable that she ran away from our perspective but he doesn’t know what she’s thinking or feeling. Which is why he asks if she got home safely that night to talk about what happened. None of these slights or rejections are intentional on her part but that doesn’t make them sting any less. 

Someone who caters to all of your needs and requires very little in return is a caretaker, not a lover. Parents are the first caretakers we have in life before we can eventually take care of ourselves. It’s encouraging that Youngwoo is now ready to take steps to become an adult independent of her father. This hopefully means she’s ready to be an equal partner as a lover. Though I want to be clear that even if you have certain special needs that need to be catered to that doesn’t mean you can’t fully be an equal partner. It’s good to be as self-sufficient as you can. However, everyone in society is connected and will go through periods or their entire lives where they need more help or consideration due to injury, age, disability, or circumstances from colleagues, friends, family and even the government. Welfare exists for good reason. What I am saying is that relationships need to be beneficial to both partners and how that works will be different for every couple. It’s something that needs to be discussed and agreed upon to provide the foundation to build their life together. 

While Junho has been good about trying to give Youngwoo what she needs, he’s also going to need to be honest about what he needs from her. They will need to have some frank conversations about how this will work for them. I’m looking forward to them navigating these tricky waters. Honestly, communication is tricky for anyone, divorce is high and relationships often fail for a reason. What makes a huge difference is the willingness to work on your issues and find compromises that you both agree on that keep your relationship on the right track. 

This of course means that Youngwoo needs to get to know Junho, which means we will finally get to know him. What are his hobbies and interests? Why does he work in a law office but not become an attorney? What is his family like? Where did he grow up? How did he become friends with Minwoo? How much has he dated? So many questions. When we get to know what other people like and engage with them about these things, it shows that we care. I would like Youngwoo to be able to do that for Junho as well. I’m sure there will be fun times and hard times ahead for them but I’m looking forward to seeing them doing life together though it all. 

[hummingbird-games]

this review/gameplay account contains spoilers for An Everyday Love (Ezra’s route) so here’s your first and last chance to run along *shoos you*

SO!

Umm.

Words?? Maybe??

Heart reactions (ramblings): I knew I was going to love this game. I KNEW I Was Going To Fall In Love With Ezra (again). I knew that in the deepest and darkest spaces inside me, this story would resonate. The cozy and cute art style. The grounded, though tough struggles of our main character. The humor and witty parts that made me crack up. Our deep and loving friendship with Amara. The moments that made me look into my imaginary camera in my dining room alone at dark-thirty, eyes wide and incredulous, trying not to disturb my sleeping family, sometimes crying but mostly smiling and so, so, so happy to have made it to play this game.

This game was made with love and care, and you can tell. You can feel it. And all the side characters that appear on Ezra's route were either a joy or a pain lol but welcomed in my gaming experience just the same. (GRACE AND STEPH I LOVE Y'ALL!!!) 

Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh, and yeah this game was sweet as hell, but I am an adult and I do like to partake in adult things from time to time and what I'm trying to communicate here is that I was there for the sexy scenes....lemme repeat that...I was there for the sex!!! (Love this for all of y'all reading this oh my God 😭😂) Nah but really, the heat + the sweet were present and accounted for and I’m a happy camper LOL!

And the fairytale portion of the story? Cue the sound of my heart breaking because it was so well done. Probably where I shed the most tears, and I was doing so well keeping it together so I could read the words on my screen without obstruction!!

Brain tings (aka the 'review' portion): In recent memory, and by that I mean in the three-ish years I've been actively playing visual novels, I can't name another game that delves into chronic illness and disability centering the main character that’s also in the slice of life romance genre. It's not an experience I can claim, but it is one I have empathy for and believe that reading/seeking out representation of others' experiences is the only way we're gonna get through this life in one piece doing the least amount of harm. 

Seriously.

 And as someone who deals with from mental illness and will have to deal with it for the rest of her life, it's comforting to be reminded that stories don't have to show this borderline (sometimes over the fence) toxic positivity of dealing with those struggles. Sometimes you feel like shit. Sometimes you push people away. Sometimes you take chances on people and they burn you with the intention to hurt. But sometimes you take chances and they pay off. But you gotta keep going, and if I take anything away from this game, it's that message: Keep. Going.

Retrospective thoughts: I wrote this category out thinking I'd have another concise paragraph in me, but that was a lie. The main thing I wanted to get out was that as someone who discovered she falls on the demisexual/demiromantic spectrum, I've made it my annoying second job to sniff it out in the media I consume. (Spare crumbs?????)  And I have a Hunch about a Mr. Ezra Hale. (I related to him more than was healthy is all I want to admit zkfjdhjdhgfjg)

ALSO OH MY GOD HE'S SUCH A CUTE DRUNK I CAAAAAANNNNNNN'TTTTTTTTT

AND WE HAVE A (SOFT) GAMER BOYFRIEND!?!?!!

...ahem, lemme just *places another hashtag* 

#SoftBlackMen 😏✌🏽💞

I don't care, I win. I win at life. Otome men have ruined me again for the real thing and I don't care. Am I a little crushed Ezra isn't real? ... NEXT QUESTION!

Another thing, I usually avoid bad endings like the plague (I've got enough bad endings in real life, like wayament 😭✋🏽) so I was lowkey hoping I'd get Ezra's bad ending on accident so I wouldn't have to do it on purpose (#noguidegang) but then I would have made it everyone's problem. 

So. Someone was looking out for y'all LOL. But this is a game I will actively replay, so I will be obtaining all the endings and living my best life.

(also part 3, because game dev lives her best life on Twitter as does the rest of the VN community, I will go make some noise on there sometime because she deserves it and I'm nothing if not obnoxious as hell when I want something known)

[theradioactivespidergwen]

I'm going with anon on this although I am a regular reader of your works/blog. It's in reference to a recent blog post about feeling like people find you annoying, etc. I don't know if you're referring to online interactions or F2F with people, but I'm sorry you feel that way.

FWIW, you're being awfully hard on yourself. I suppose it's easier said than done to relax that inner voice, but at the same time, perhaps people do not find you annoying at all? Not sure of the social situations to which you refer, but those cover a lot of ground when you think about it. For example,, chatting with acquaintances about one's passions is slightly different than friends. I am awful with reading cues from people (F2F) and then in text, there is the whole issue of reading tone and intent. Perhaps in the interactions, there are contextual communications that make you feel one way but the person(s) don't believe you're that way at all. Or, there are issues of which you are unaware that are making the communication difficult (for example, I had a personal loss that I didn't feel comfortable sharing with anyone too far outside of my social circle, but it did affect my ability to be a good listener on occasion so my attention was divided. I sometimes think that the old way of going into mourning helped with such types of interactions)

Anyway, I hope you don't interpret this as me telling you how to feel. Far from it. You feel the way you feel because that is what humans do. Feel. What I am attempting to relate is to encourage you to not give up on social interactions because it could just be that there are plenty of people who share your passions or enjoy listening to you describe your passions (it can be contagious you know!) or whose cues are being misinterpreted. Or, not. I suppose there are enough assholes or people who don't listen very well--we've all run into those types. But, those people are missing out on some really great conversations aren't they?

Sorry for the length of the 'ask.' I have a friend (not on Tumblr) who frequently calls me and one of the first things I used to do (and still do although nowadays she pre-empts me with a 'I need to vent') was ask her if she needed a problem solved or if she needed to vent. The reason being was that sometimes we just need someone with which to share our frustrations but not go into the 'here is what you might try mode.' Both can be positive interactions or negative depending upon the perspective of the two and I always liked to get that squared away so we weren't at cross purposes if that makes sense.

I wasn't sure if you were venting or otherwise, but again, FWIW, you matter and so do your feelings. Take care.

Heya nonnie!

Sorry it has taken me a few days to respond, you gave me alot to think about, lol.

Honestly, since no one interacted with that post, I didn't think anyone saw or cared, so thank you for making me feel valid and seen. It means alot.

I guess it's a combination of both online and IRL interactions. It's hard to make friends as an adult, and I am at the age where everyone has kids, and I am child free by choice, so I feel excluded from my real life friends quite a bit. I know people are just busy, and that's probably it, but my stupid brain just thinks everyone hates me.

The fact is, I am just lonely. Being disabled and chronically ill is incredibly isolating, and having online friends I interact with helps tremendously, but I just end up feeling like I'm bothering people.

I appreciate your very kind words, and the encouragement. This is something I have been working through with my therapist, and it's getting better, but I still have bad days.

Much love to you and anyone reading this!

[rileys-archive]

diaspora is survival : let the dystopian morning light pour in

this is an edited version of an autobiographical essay i submitted for my pan-african geography class where the prompt was

"Using the excerpt from Stokely Carmichael’s Ready for the Revolution as a model, write a short autobiographical essay describing your own experience of “diaspora as survival.” How, in other words, did you end up here in Vancouver and at UBC? While you should describe as much as possible the migrations of your own family, you should also try to include references to those important historical markers of labor, history, race, colonialism, migration, and gender that are referenced by Carmichael." the purpose of me publishing this essay on tumblr is so i can cite it for another class, michael if ur reading this i hope u enjoy it !! i omitted some details i wasn't comfortable posting on the internet (aka not doxxing myself). also if the capitalization seems funky, it's intentional !!

I am what time, circumstance, history, have made of me, certainly, but I am, also, much more than that. So are we all.

[Notes of a Native Son – James Baldwin]

I’ve always been a bit of historian, how could I not when my own history, my own stories, have been hidden from me. To be Indigenous in a country that treats my people as a history, as no longer present, means being a historian of my own culture is a form of resistance. It doesn’t fit with the settler colonial canadian logic for my people to have a history or culture. Everyday I resist this occupation by remembering, by recreating, and continuing anishinaabek ways of living. And if Audre Lorde says, “the personal is political”, then much of what I write (both for academic purposes but also creative projects) will involve the politics of being a disabled Afro-Indigenous queer/two-spirit person living in an occupied state. Simply put, I write as a Nakawe, a citizen of Tootinaowaziibeeng, in Musqueam territory. I write from the belly of the beast and it can hard to avoid the drops of acid on these pages. 

How do you know your history? I’m not saying “ask your mom to cite her sources” but how do you know if what you’ve been told about yourself, your family, community, etc is true? I don’t believe one’s truth and what is fact are the same, at least I haven’t lived a life like that. Thus I’ll start where life starts, with the one who brought me into this world. I was born in oskana kâ-asastêki to my two adoptive parents and my biological mother tracy-lynn. I was adopted at birth, many who aren't familiar with the foster care system (the modern way canada monitors Indigenous children’s whereabouts, since the final residential school closed in 1996) would think that being adopted at birth was a good thing, I don't know if it was. You're likely wondering where my biological dad is… well that makes two of us. During conversations with her social worker she admitted to not knowing the father and regularly having casual sex with men of different ethnic origins, naming white, Indigenous, Black, and Filipino. Thus my adoptive parents (Tracey and Arlon), assumed I was Filipino based on my looks. Although strangers did occasionally throw Black microaggressions towards me, older white women wanted to touch my black curls and I was a girl who wanted to be ‘polite’. 

For the first 18 years of my life, it was my truth that I was Filipino. The guilt of my lack of connection from my Filipino friends eventually brought me to study the language as a teenager. Wanting to know what region of the Philippines my father was from lead me to doing a DNA test around age 18. Discovering the truth, for a short period of time, resulted in a what felt like a cultural crisis. I finally felt comfortable in one of my ethnic backgrounds (comfortable enough to get a tattoo of the Philippines flag within a knife, image above) so realizing the rarity of situations like this and not being able to find help online terrified me. After learning basic Tagalog, growing up with Filipino friends, and even embarking on a double major of History and Asian Studies, I had found myself in a very strange circumstance. You can find thousands of articles giving advice on how to come out as gay or transgender (as I had done so at 11 and 12 myself), but nobody really comes out as African. Honestly, I was scared that people would think of me as a liar or fraud. Like the pretendian equivalent of being Black. If the truth came to light, people would think I was intentionally lying about my race. At the same time, I was scared that if I said I was Black, but provided no proof, I was just some annoying leftist trying to claim a marginalized identity. It felt like being called to fight in a war where I'd lose on either front. 

As strange as it sounds, I can’t imagine my life without my queerness. Growing up with two older siblings that came out as queer before me allowed 11 year old me to develop language to understand myself and others. If I weren’t queer, I don’t know if I would’ve been introduced to philosophies of identity and history. Gaining a sense of self, a sense of pride in who I am and the communities I’m a part of, was integral to me discovering feminism at a young age (roughly age 13), leading me to learn from Black and Indigenous feminists/communists, many of whom I cite today in teacher education. The most important life lesson being queer has given me is that I don’t need to “know” myself, know what exact labels and identities suit me at any given moment, I just need to live. For example, I don’t inject testosterone because I feel at my core I’m a man (I don’t) or because I feel a need to prove my masculinity in a biological way (I don’t), I do it because I like the way it makes my body look. In a very Gen Z way, I decided to fuck around and find out. Thus when I had my cultural identity crisis, I realized I could just identify as mixed Black/Ethiopian/African. In the same way there’s no “true trans” person, there’s was no way for me to “truly” be African. I just am. 

As mentioned, I learnt about social justice issues and movements relatively early which was integral to my own identity development. Through learning from revolutionaries like Kwame Ture who stated “​​We're Africans in America, struggling against American capitalism. We're not Americans” and “a fight for power is a fight for land. [...] Our land is Africa. America's not our land, it belongs to the American Indians and we have a right to stand and take a moral struggle with them.” I felt empowered to describe myself as Afro-Indigenous, to bring my two sides together as one whole. Diaspora is survival can mean a lot of things at different times & places but here, it meant a member of the diaspora empowered another diaspora to take up the family name of African, within my mixed background. The name survived its travels. This is my favourite term for a few important reasons. Firstly, I’m acknowledging the lands I’m from. Both the ties I have to Africa as a diaspora and Indigenous reflecting my Turtle Island upbringing. Secondly, I’m not identifying with a colonial state as terms like Indigenous Canadian or Black Canadian would suggest. Lastly, I’m not playing into the settler idea of blood quantum. A soul cannot be divided into percentages.

It feels wrong, embarrassing even, to say I envy the classmates of mine who have the privilege of being one call or text away from a family member that can answer simple questions. I only know what someone, I assume a social worker, felt was worthy of documenting. I didn’t learn that my maternal grandmother’s brother roger was forced into multiple residential schools from tracy-lynn or her mother rita, I learnt from a fucking hydro company. How colonial dystopian is that? Hydro Manitoba did a study of the land they intended to put pipelines through, consulting the nation which neighbours my own. My nation is Tootinaowaziibeeng First Nation, physically within Treaty 2 territory but a signatory of Treaty 4. I’ve lived most of my life on Treaty 4 land, i.e. the land stolen from the Métis (michif), Cree (néhiyaw), and Ojibway (anishinaabe). My adoptive dad Arlon is a descendant of the first British & French settlers in the region and he didn’t know which Indigenous peoples lived on the land that makes up our family farm-turned-acreage until I told him. To him, the land was always in the family and was empty before, owned by the canadian government that gave it to his family. As a socially anxious young adult he was set up on a dinner date with my adoptive mom, Tracey. She was also from a white farming family, her childhood home being just 2 km down the road from where mine still sits today. Growing up she embraced the cuisine of her German ancestry, that was all her mother taught her. If I remember correctly, she’s mostly German, but had Jewish family survive the Holocaust, becoming refugees to Canada after leaving the Netherlands. I’m unsure if they were Dutch Jewish, I never asked. Despite having 3 known sides of family, I’ve always been distanced from them in some way. When I was young my mom told me the reason we didn’t spend time with distant family was because they were “mean” to her. As a teenager I learnt “mean” actually meant racist, they were upset with her for adopting an “Indian” baby.

Like Toni Morrison, much of my own literary (and musical) background comes from autobiographies. Now that I think about it, I’m surrounded by autobiographical creations. I can prove this on the spot by looking down at my phone next to me, Spotify open, playing Boujee Natives by Snotty Nose Rez Kids, a hiphop duo from Haisla First Nation. That song is on my ndn rap playlist, below it is my hiphop for sexy ppl only playlist which contains only Black/African rappers. I hit shuffle on the playlist and Malcolm Garvey Huey by Dead Prez comes on, ironic as I get to read works by/about these exact historical figures for this geography class. If I look into my backpack next to me I’ll find Dancing On Our Turtle’s Back by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson (Michi Saagiig Nishnaabeg) and Creeland by Dallas Hunt (Swan River First Nation), both autobiographical works to an extent. That’s just my immediate surroundings here at a cafe near my house, I typically exist near a shelf of autobiographies at my two library jobs, as well as at home in East Van.

Where would I go? If I wrote an autobiography what section would they put me in? Would it still be autobiography if so much of my family knowledge comes from government documents like an adoption act or residential school records? Would my Indigeneity render it a historical work? If I have to rely on historical evidence to make a guess, does that make my life a fiction? Assuming an Indigenous category exists, who makes the decision on whether I’m too Black to belong? Perhaps I’ll write a biomythography like Audre Lorde. The sisters have it figured out this time, I know where’d I go. 

If past you were to meet future me, Would you be holding me here and now?

[Historians – Lucy Dacus]

References :

Afromarxist, “What's in a Name? ft. Kwame Ture (1989)” YouTube, video publication date 27 October 2019, https://youtu.be/OGcl359SMxE?si=T_bs5PKLBZuUYwZ0

Baldwin, James. Notes of a Native Son. Boston: Beacon Press, 1955. 

Chakasim, Neegahnii Madeline. “Pretendians and their Impacts on Indigenous Communities.” The Indigenous Foundation, May 10 2022. https://www.theindigenousfoundation.org/articles/pretendians-and-their-impacts-on-indigenous-communities 

HTFC Planning & Design & Manitoba Hydro. “See what the land gave us” Waywayseecappo First Nation Traditional Knowledge Study For the Birtle Transmission Line. December 2017. https://www.hydro.mb.ca/docs/projects/birtle/appendix_c_waywayseecappo_tk_study_final_report.pdf 

Lucy Dacus. Historians. Jacob Blizard and Collin Pastore. March 2, 2018. Matador Records, digital streaming.

Books / music mentioned

dead prez. Malcolm Garvey Huey. June 22 2010. Boss Up Inc., digital streaming. 

Hunt, Dallas. Creeland. Gibsons: Nightwood Editions, 2021.

*Maynard, Robyn. Policing Black Lives: State Violence in Canada from Slavery to the Present. Winnipeg: Fernwood Publishing, 2017. 

Lorde, Audre. Zami: A New Spelling of My Name. New York: Crossing Press, 1982.

Phoebe Bridgers. ICU. Phoebe Bridgers, Marshall Vore, & Nicholas White. June 18, 2020. Dead Oceans, digital streaming.

Snotty Nose Rez Kids. Boujee Natives. May 10 2019. Independent, digital streaming. 

Simpson, Leanne Betasamosake. Dancing on Our Turtle’s Back: Stories of Nishnaabeg Re-Creation, Resurgence, and a New Emergence. Winnipeg: Arbeiter Ring Publishing, 2011. 

*Simpson, Leanne Betasamosake. As We Have Always Done. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2017. 

sources with * were in the original essay but omitted from this version

[wonderfail33]

imma write here cause on another blog i have posted something in support of palestine and i genuinely want to continue with that.

however i am also tired. and ashamed of being tired. i am horrified and numb at the same time.

i fail because of "boycott fatigue" (i fall into old habits in a careless, tired, maybe ill moment) and my thought process is that this one time doesnt matter because i am still generally following the boycott, and it also doesnt make a difference because so many people arent.

such as my friends.

people that i love deeply have refused to sign a petition at the very start of the "war" for pur country to demand ceasefire.

people that i love dearly have confused palestine for pakistan and i was left speechless.

at moments i wonder: how can i care so deeply? one might argue that i dont care deeply enough if im imperfect with my boycott. one might argue that i am a privileged brat for being exhausted after so little.

but i care deeply enough for it to affect me mentally.

i cannot follow content to keep up with events because it makes me genuinely depressive (rightly so. everything is horrifying).

i cannot sit in peace if im not shown content about current events. i dont want to be complicit, but i am, by the fact that i am born in europe. i could be a literal saint and would still be complicit.

i cannot make peace with this.

and there are other things. and im depressed in general. today i was in the city centre, it was a bright day with fresh air, a blue sky, and i was waiting for my bus. i felt like my life is a mistake, beause my brain cannot be happy similarly to how i have seen other people be happy. i looked up at a seagull flying overhead, saw the way the sunlight lit up its feathers. the world is beautiful. and i wanted to cry.

a homeless man stopped to ask me if i was crying and why.

i feel fake, i feel alien, i feel useless and i feel complicit. who would i talk to? therapy is white supremacy.

my therapist has told me that i focus my energy on current events to escape my life and find emotional release. such a double bind

i want to care about current events, i want to help other people, and yet there is this question to it. do i are to avoid my own life? i don't do this on purpose. and i would hate myself if i had to force myself to not care.

my natural state is caring about this. and i wonder why. it feels broken, relative to other people. so many in my surroundings only care about themselves.

a tangent. i genuinely suck at feminine beauty. i wonder why. my mother is a beautiful woman. she was a beautiful girl. my father is handsome. my ancestors are beautiful. why do i fail at beuty, then?

i fail at skincare because it wasnt taught to me. i know my mother had beauty products, old makeup, that always felt like a treasure when i managed to get into it. she didnt use them. and she also didnt teach me to use them. my mother was busy with her mental health and with my brother.

she commented on how nicely i grew up by myself (while my brother had to be raised / developed because of his disabilities). and then she looks at me and wonders where her little girl is.

her little girl is so abandoned. she is so lost. she has been alone for 20 years. she felt ignored, she felt attacked, she felt that she was not defended, she needed to grow up, be smart, be responsible qnd needed to take it.

now that im all grown up she feels like she has missed out on being my mother. and she has!

my father has been physically abusive and i still feel more...attached to him. god i just realised why i have disorganized attachment.

[there is no intent, this is just emotion i want to express] i want to die at this point.

this is why so many artists have offed themselves at 27. at this loint, either you have grown into a secure person, or you may not be aware of your issues and compensate well...or, and i think this is the dangerous option, you may be aware of some of your issues and they just feel so overwhelming. you might think, my frontal lobe is now done. i am an adult. i can look back at my life and reflect on it and i see a lot of shitty events. i can look back on my childhood expectations and see that i have failed so much of them. i can look at my inner teen and they won't even look back. and i can look at my recent mindset and expectations and all this in one big pile feels like too much shit for my recently adult brain to handle.

i just think of how i'm only gonna get "older", of how i am a "useless" woman, if i were a man i would at least be a fucking bachelor or some shit but im just a lonely unwanted woman that doesnt even want kids so she will die alone...

oh god i am so fucked in the head.

so yeah its not (only?) that i want to take my mind off myself with current events but once i realise how i relate to current events, it's all just too much.

second tangent.

i started thinking about how i even knew about palestine. and the holocaust. i saw posts that american parents try to figure out when to tell kids about the nazis. and i dare not mention how poc kids grow up, with all the racism there. an i realised i did not learn of palestine, jewish people, or even the holocaust from my parents. no, i was a good little child, i read fiction, and i read my fathers medical biology textbook (idk, i loved it). i learned of these in school, from a teacher who managed to somehow speak to my neglected teenage heart who just wanted society to all play nice, and from her i learned of the palestinian people. in history calss i heard first of the holocaust, but this teacher mentioned it 2 years earlier and i had 0 clue what she was talking about. my classmates did, though.

i have always been behind on trends, pop culture, whatever else, partly because my parents took pg ratings very seriously. and partly because i was so isolated from other kids. i feel like i grew up in a tower, isolated, where visitors were allowed but never encouraged, and i... i wish i could undo that. i dont want to be the kid thats out of the loop and i dont want to learn qbout horrific things years after my peers have.

oh god i feel so useless.

"why do you feel useless, it was not your job as a teen to intuit this shit" idk man. i always felt so ashamed when i didnt know stuff that others did. not even because i was expecting to be better than them. but i didnt want to be less than them.

i am so done with the games i had to play as a human, as a girl. i wish i had been a plant instead.

my mother hugged me when i was little, and sometimes instead of nighttime stories, she told me about the "communist" dictatorship in our country that happened when she was young. why the fuck did she not tell me about the holocaust? or palestine? did i have to learn about hannuka from fucking arthur the animated series?

i also miss my grandparents. i know it has been very long since i talked with them. however i simply cannot make myself. i am ashamed of my grandfather, and i am angry at him. he is supposed to be an intelligent man! and he has such a bad worldview, he has prejudices that he himself days he had contrary experiences to, and yet he holds them! i am supposed to love him but his views disgust me! i am supposed to love my grandmother, who couldnt forgive my mother for divorcing my father once their relationship had become toxic, and who trusted her son so little that she wanted to get information out of me, the woman that made herself a pity party when i was failing at university! how can i love them? how can i hate them? why are these feelings so close to each other?

im pretty sure i have also hurt my family members. i dont wanna say these were justified, that would be fucking foolish. but i was a kid and it was their job to introduce me to living in society and in my opinion they have fucking failed at that!

did they fail because of their own malice? no! they were doing their best! but your best is not enough for 2 kids when one is disabled, no one has processed their own traumas and we are also living in a postcommunist country years behind "the west"! it was simply not fuckig enough! and i dont want to say that its my brothers fault because how the fuck would it be, it is also not my fault that i was born... but it was his appearance that stirred this cocktail the most.

on the other hand, i simply cannot die, being a daughter of witches, nazis, drunks and cheaters, i still was born and given the opportunity to do something! i just need a way.

[jupitermelichios]

So I’ve been playing a lot of skyrim lately, because it’s video game comfort food, and I decided it was time for my Redguard Dovahkiin to settle down. (Actually I specifically just wanted to be able to adopt some of the random orphans you meet because I felt guilty about them, but you need to be married before you can do that so that there’s someone at home to take care of the kids while you’re off galivanting).

So I travelled around a bit, chatting up likely looking npcs until I found one I both liked and didn’t feel guilty about marrying (I feel bad if I marry one of the warrior adventurer types, making them be a stay at home mum) and settled on an obnoxiously cheerful argonian called Shavee because her life was frankly shit, and I thought she’d probably be good with kids.

So off I go to Riften to the Temple of Mara to arrange the wedding. I book it in for the next day, realise I didn’t bring anything nice to wear, and spend the night before the wedding robbing every house in the city in the search for something to wear. Eventually decide everyone in Riften has terrible fashion sense and break down everything I stole into raw materials and use them to craft myself an outfit and some jewellery that i’m pretty happy with. I even carefully pick out my fanciest looking sword to wear.

(don’t know why I bothered, frankly, shavee turned up wearing a shirt covered in suspicious stains and weilding a pickaxe, it’s like she doesn’t even care about this marriage)

(also for comedy purposes, bear in mind I play with survival mods that mean my character needs to eat and sleep to live, and I literally spent the entire ingame night on this and forgot to eat and drink anything either and then just downed four bowls of wolf stew right before entering the temple so I didn’t starve during the ceremony. also I discovered during the wedding that I am dying of rockjoint, which I contracted from sleeping in a pile of hay on the floor of a skeever infested cave, so even being six foot tall and jacked can’t make up for the fact that I am exhausted, running a fever, and probably covered in wolf which I spilled because my joints are slowly atrophying, and even the fanciest clothes in the world aren’t going to cover that up)

so I enter the temple, and my finance is there, and Lydia my housecarl, and some random NPCs the game thinks are my friends because I did fetch quests for them

One of the random NPCs is Lisbet. Atfter I did her fetch quest, I then did another quest in which I discovered Lisbet is secretly a cannibal and part of a demonic cult that worships the daedric prince of decay by kidnapping priests, sacrificing them, and then eating their corpses. Raw. I think the raw meat is the sticking point for me here honestly.

I ultimately decided not to sacrifice the random priest to a daedric prince in exchange for one magic ring and all the raw human I could eat, because frankly, that doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me. I was expecting there to be some kind of dialogue choice where I could nope out at the last minute, but it turns out there isn’t one, so after they drugged the priest and tied him to the altar, I just got out my sword and started swinging.

I killed most of the cult (including the town butcher, because I had brought meat from him before and was extremely pissed off that he might have been secretly feeding me humans) but a couple of them got away, which I figured was fine because they weren’t trying to kill me.

Except it turns out, if any of them escape, then every time you see them in the future there’s a random chance that they’ll fly into a violent rage and try and murder you.

Lisbet is at my wedding. Lisbet decides that clearly me marrying this random argonian woman with two lines of dialogue is the happiest day of my life, and she cannot allow me that happiness, when I’ve taken so much from her.

So she tries to kill me. Only she can’t, because I’m stuck in a pre-rendered wedding animation, and also she’s sitting next to Lydia, my faithful retainer and owner of a really big axe.

It also turns out that Lisbet is essential, meaning she can be knocked unconcious but not actually killed because she’s needed for some quest or other. And the minute she wakes up from unconciousness, she tries to kill me again, so Lydia knocks her unconcious again, and I’m stuck, I can’t move, because I’m supposed to be in the wedding animation.

Except Shavee has, not unreasonably, see all this and decided that she doesn’t like me enough to risk getting murdered, and has done a runner, leaving me at the altar, but more importantly, leaving me trapped in a broken pre-rendered animation, so all I can do is stand there at the altar, staring at the space where my fiance was supposed to be, listening to the sounds of Lydia trying and failing to beat a cannibal to death behind me.

Okay, I think, clearly this wedding isn’t going to happen, I’m going to go for the registry office option and complete the wedding using the dev commands. I do this. The priest gives me a wedding ring, and I can finally move again. I chase after Shavee, who has an impressive turn of speed on her, and eventually catch up right by the city gates. I try to talk to her.

Apparently using the console has completed the wedding for me, but not for her, because she still only has the same 2 lines of dialogue she usually has.

Clearly this is working, I can’t leave my kids with someone who can only say 2 things and doesn’t even know she’s their mum, that’s irresponsible.

I try loading from inside the temple. I get the same problem.

Eventually I figure out that I need to use the dev controls to disable Lisbet’s entire existence in the universe.

Shavee and me get married. As the priest reads the vows, I stare at Shavee and wonder why she couldn’t even be bothered to put on a clean shirt. I wonder what kind of mother she’ll be.

Once the ceremony is over, and I’m happily married to the dirty green lizard of my dreams, and we’ve agreed that until I can make her recognise my extremely nice modded house exists I will share her single bed in the unheated flophouse in Windhelm she calls home, I re-enable Lisbet, because I’m worried I’ll forget if I leave it too long.

Fun fact about skyrim, it loads in quite a lot of npcs and objects by dropping them from the sky. I have no idea why this is the case, but it’s objectively the funniest way to load in objects.

I re-enable Lisbet. She falls from the sky, clips through the roof of the temple, and lands in the pew beside Lydia, stands up, draws a knife, and is immedately beaten unconcious.

I no longer care, because Shavee now has all the exciting new spouse-only romantic dialogue options like “Could you cook something for me” and “have you made any money lately”, and I know she’ll be a great mother.

I limp to the door of the temple, while around me the guests not involved in the Lydia-Lisbet murder cycle scream and duck for cover.

I open the door to the temple, immediately collapse and ragdoll down the steps, which is how I discover I am dying of rockjoint.

I limp to the orphanage down the street, adopt two kids, and then finally remember that I’m carrying garlic bread, which as we all know, cures all known illnesses.

When I emerge back into the street, full of the joys of motherhood and garlic bread, I find the town in disaray. Lydia is chasing Lisbet through the streets with an axe and a dragon is circling overhead, burning npcs to death. People are running for shelter, screaming, while the guards try to take down an entire dragon using only the worst bows and arrows in the game.

I decide that as a parent, I have to think of my own safety first and leave them to it.

I head out of the city, intent on returning home and figuring out why Shavee refuses to move in with me. A man hanging around the stables challenges me to a boxing match. For want of anything better to do, I agree.

Halfway through the fight he dodges at the wrong moment and I punch one of his horses in the head.

Two guards attack me while I desperately try to surrender. My kids will miss me, but I’m prepared to go to jail for my horse crimes, I’m an honest citizen. Also my horse crimes seem somewhat less important than the dragon.

The guards refuse to accept my surrender. I am stabbed to death. As I collapse in front of the indifferent horse, Lisbet exits the city, followed by Lydia. The last thing I see before I die is Lydia swinging her axe at Lisbet’s face.

[dilfdoctordoom]

On Tom Taylor, the Current Nightwing Run & Ableism

I did mention I was gonna do a post about it, so here we are. There are some things I want to make clear before we begin: the issue exploded on Twitter on the very first day of disabled Pride month; disabled people have been discussing the ableism in Taylor’s Nightwing run since it began; nobody has blamed Taylor for what happened to Barbara in 2011. We are, however, blaming him for the way she is written in his series during 2021. 

I am also going to be discussing the ableism in the fandom in this post. The reactions I have seen, from here to Twitter to TikTok, are showing not only a great misunderstanding of the situation, but a purposeful misunderstanding. The very real reasons disabled people are angry right now have been twisted to make us seem ridiculous and overly sensitive and I cannot help but feel that is very intentional.

Another quick addition: disabled people are not a monolith. Barbara Gordon spent over 20 years as a paralyzed wheelchair user. Stating (and I would like to note, never truly showing) that she is a part time cane user now is still erasing her disability. These things are not interchangeable.

So, with that out of the way, let’s begin.

Tom Taylor’s run is ableist. That is a fact of this situation. He made the active choice to include a version of Barbara Gordon that is ableist caricature. Story wise, the role that Barbara plays could have easily been filled by anyone else. There is no real season, within the narrative and outside of it, for Taylor to include this version of Barbara Gordon, who has received a decade of criticism from disabled people. It’s very well known that this iteration is problematic, to put it kindly, and Taylor is aware of that. 

He made the active decision to include her, anyway, showing, at the very least, that he is passively, if not actively, ableist. Passive ableism is still ableism and disabled people are allowed to take issue with that.

That alone is reason enough for disabled people to be angry. But that’s not why things exploded on Twitter.

On July 1st, the very first day of disabled pride month, the new design for Barbara was dropped. After months of teasing Barbara’s return to a wheelchair using Oracle (see: Last Days of The DC Universe, Batgirl (2016), etc), they debuted... a new Batgirl costume that the artist has openly said draws inspiration from the Burnside suit.

There’s a lot of issues to unpack here, so let’s start small: the issue with consciously calling back to Burnside. The Burnside era of Batgirl stories was... beyond awful. The villain of the series’ first arc, was an AI based on Barbara’s brain patterns when she was disabled. It was evil because of all the rage and pain Barbara felt. The actual Barbara, on the other hand, was good -- because she was able bodied. Because her PTSD had been tossed aside. It was a horrifically ableist era that drove the idea that Barbara’s life was terrible when she was disabled; that it was some horrible, twisted secret.

Comics have kept that narrative going. Barbara is seen hiding books on chronic pain; she reacts aggressively to the mere idea that she could be in a wheelchair again, acting like it would be weakness. Whereas Barbara had once been Oracle not because of, but in spite of, her disability, who was fantastic representation for the disabled community, she now acts like it is the most shameful thing in her life.

To call back to Burnside is to call back to that ableism and make no critique of it. If anything, it’s to embrace the ideas of that era.

There is also the design itself to consider. Many people have pointed out the inclusion of a back brace, as if that saves it from ableism -- it does not. Any person who has ever worn a back brace can take one look at this design and know that they did not consult a disabled person. Hell, by how impractical that thing is, I doubt they even Googled a picture of a back brace.

It’s a superficial acknowledgement that Barbara is supposed to be disabled. Something that was apparently thrown in to appease the numerous complaints of Barbara being able bodied; something that no one working on it put any effort into.

When it comes to aids, this is not a new thing for Barbara in Infinite Frontier. She’s said to be using a cane occasionally, that we got a better look at in Batman: Urban Legends, and as any cane user can tell you... that is not a cane that could feasibly be used. It’s another pathetic attempt to acknowledge that Barbara is supposed to be disabled, without actually doing anything of importance.

[IMAGE ID:  A segmented cane with a tri-pointed handle with a wrist strap. There is a stripe across the sections to connection them, labelled “solar battery charger buttons”. The text reads: “telescoping antenna doubles as cane or weapon if needed”. END ID]

Dropping this design (which we have now established to be problematic) on the very first day of disabled pride month is a sickening move. The very first day, and DC has doubled down on their disability erasure, thrown in superficial things like a back brace to act like it’s fine.

Tom Taylor is definitely involved in this, whether you like it not. No, he is not in anyway responsible for the events of the New 52 and what they did to Barbara Gordon, but that does not absolve him of blame for what is currently being done to her in his run.

When the design dropped, it started trending due to disabled fans reactions. To be clear: we were directly calling out the ableism in this design. This was Tom Taylor’s response:

[IMAGE ID: A tweet from TomTaylorMade that says: “Hey, @Bruna_Redono_F I think our new Batgirl suit is getting some attention.” He then adds a winky face emoji and tags @jesswchen and @drinkpinkkink. Attached are a screenshot showing that Batgirl is trending in the United States and a picture of the design itself. END ID]

This is him, bragging about how the disabled community reacted. Perhaps before this tweet, you could’ve made an argument that he was not ableist, but after he flaunted the fact that disabled people were rightly furious over this, like it was something to be proud of? No. If you are defending him, you are a part of the problem.

Taylor has included ableist writing in his Nightwing run, beyond the inherent ableism that comes with the current iteration of Barbara Gordon (whose inclusion, yet again, is his decision).

[IMAGE ID: A panel from Nightwing #79. Barbara and Dick are standing in his apartment. Barbara is saying: “I have some pretty new technology holding my spine together. I’m happy to do most things -- eat pizza in the park, take down low-level thugs -- but leaping from rooftops seems... unwise.” END ID]

What Barbara says in the panel above has bothered a lot of disabled people. The implication that she couldn’t “eat pizza in the park’ and “take down low-level thugs” without a spinal implant that conveniently erases her disability is... fucked up, to put it mildly. Those are both things that Barbara has done in a wheelchair. The first one is something wheelchair users can do and the implication that it’s not is beyond offensive.

But, let’s leave Barbara behind for a moment. I have previously mentioned that disabled people have been discussing the ableism present in this run long before July -- and that ableism is not only centred on Barbara. Dick is also a player in all this.

Dick Grayson was shot in the head. I don’t believe I need to retread the story, but just in case: Dick was shot in the head by KGBeast, developed amnesia from the event, and went by Ric Grayson for a long enough period in comics. If you have been active within the DC fandom for the past year or so, you know all about this controversial storyline and its fallout.

The Ric Grayson arc concluded itself the issue before Taylor became the writer for the series and ever since his tenure has begun, Taylor has completely ignored the reality of Dick being a disabled man. We understand this is comics, that things do not function the way they do in our world, but still -- it is clear that this gunshot wound to the head has affected Dick massively. We had an entire arc dedicated to how he struggled to find himself in the aftermath.

Taylor is choosing to write Dick as an able-bodied man, despite his canonical injuries and how they would impact his life.

This man is choosing to give empty gestures towards Barbara being a disabled woman (as discussed above, the completely dysfunctional back brace, etc) whilst writing her as able-bodied as possible. He writes both Dick and Barbara as able bodied as humanly possible. That is ableist. He is ableist. This is the same man that said he made a dog disabled ‘in honour of Barbara’. I do not think I need to elaborate on why that is bad.

The least he could’ve done, was get a sensitivity reader. We know that Taylor is not beyond getting people from marginalized communities to consult on his work (see: Suicide Squad), so why, when writing two characters that should be disabled, one that the disabled community have been criticising for a decade, does he not reach out to a single disabled person? A mere Google search could’ve improved the situation massively. In both the new design and the current writing, it is beyond clear that this is not just an able-bodied person writing it -- it’s an ableist person.

He could have listened to the numerous disabled fans that spoke out. Instead, he chose not only to refuse to do that, but to describe justifiable anger as ‘raging’. He treated us like we were crazy for daring to speak out about blatant ableism being parading around of us in our pride month.

Tom Taylor has failed to do the bare minimum and in doing so, he is, at very, very least, guilty of complicity. Again: passive ableism is still ableism.

The argument at hand is not just about Barbara Gordon and the continuing ableism that shines out from her current writing. The argument is about the treatment of disabled characters in his run. It has also become about the way he treats physically disabled people.

We also can’t have this conversation without acknowledging the fandom’s role in it all. I waited a day to write this up, to allow all the reactions to flood in... and I am sickened.

We have everything across the board. Able-bodied people that have actually listened to disabled people, who have supported us (which is deeply appreciated). Able-bodied people who may have had good intentions, but a skewed sense of the situation and perpetuating some of the more insidious lies being spread around (IE. that this is only about the new costume).

There are, obviously, the ableist reactions, though, that we will be discussing here. People deeming the current issues as ‘crazy’, calling disabled people ‘overly sensitive’ and ‘delusional’. Many people have completely glossed over the examples given for why Taylor, specifically, is ableist, and instead have resorted to telling disabled people that we are wrong and should be mad at DC instead.

It’s important to note that Tom Taylor is an adult man. He doesn’t need a fandom to attack disabled people for daring to call him out. He is not the victim in this situation; he has, for quite a few disabled people, been the aggressor.

I have seen claims that Infinite Frontier is a ‘slow burn’, implying that disabled people need to patient... as if we have not waited a decade for less ableist writing. There is a complete refusal from able-bodied fans to actually listen to what disabled people are saying. They would much rather rush to the defence of the (honestly rather mediocre) current Nightwing run. 

Disabled fans know that comic book spaces are ableist. We know that both DC and Marvel and many of their writers are ableist. We are still allowed to be pissed as hell about it and acting like the current reaction being had right now is disabled people being ‘overdramatic’ is yet another example of how the able-bodied side of the fandom both refuses to listen to and undermine disabled people when we call out ableism.

We know it when we see it. We always do and we always will and we will always be able to recognize it far faster than an able-bodied person. If this many disabled fans are coming out and talking about an issue, calling it ableism, then it’s time for you shut up and listen.

Stop being a part of the problem and start supporting disabled fans for once.

[furiousgoldfish]

Tactics of narcissistic abuse

Love Bombing & Mirroring are tactics to gain your favour. These will come from a narcissist you’re just getting to know and they’re trying to convince you they’re your perfect partner, soulmate, best friend, ideal lover. Love bombing is showering you with over-the-top affection and support, they’re likely to see what works best on you, then give you just that. They’ll convince you that you’re special and make you feel special, whether it’s with attention, gifts, promises, love phrases, or making you look and feel very good in front of other people. If they can spin this as fate or destiny, they will. You have one lucky coincidence? It’s destiny that you met. They’ll create the image of ‘it’s us against the world’ and convince you that they’re all you need to never be alone, unappreciated or unhappy again. They will say phrases like 'We were born to be together’ or 'You’re the only one who understands’ and make you feel like you’re in a romance film.  Mirroring is the way to convince you that they are just like you, your perfect match. They do this by pretending they want the same things as you. All of your opinions will be shared, your desires will be their desires too, however you want to live, that’s now their ideal life too. If you want children, so do they, if you want to live in a cottage, so do they.

These will be repeated until you feel like you finally got something perfect from life, you commit to them and trust them completely. You will become lenient with your boundaries and disregard minor red flags, because hey, you finally found love, or someone like yourself who makes your life better. These are crucial to keep you around for a long time; the illusion of happiness and perfect companionship you always wanted will keep you holding onto them in hope that things could once again, be this perfect for you. You will not want to let go of them even after the love bombing and mirroring is long gone. Love bombing and mirroring are not indicative of how they’re planning to treat you once you’re committed to them; as soon as they feel you are ready to fight for a life with them, roles will change and you will have to endure escalating abuse from this person, endlessly.

Scapegoats and people badly damaged by trauma will often not get the full love bombing or mirroring, narcissists will be able to win our devotion by acts of basic decency, small thoughtfulness and acting tolerant of our trauma symptoms, this will feel like everything to us, and once we decide this is a good, special person who makes us feel safe and we’d do anything for them, they’ll turn and exploit us endlessly.

Only way to spot this on time is: there will be a little voice of suspicion in your head going ’Isn’t this actually a little too perfect to be real? A little too convenient and ideal?’ and you will not want to listen to that voice. You should listen to it. It’s your instinct, trying to tell you something is off. I won’t blame you if you don’t. Most people won’t just walk away from their ideal partner because things seem 'too perfect’. But, get suspicious at least. Alert to red flags.

Enablers and Flying Monkeys

Narcissists can’t abuse if they’re on their own; they will work hard to build a reputation and charm people who they can later use for purposes of enabling, triangulating, controlling, scapegoating and smear campaigns. Enablers, or Flying Monkeys, are people who are either admiring the narcissists, want to be in narcissists good favour, are trauma bond and scared of the narcissists, are emotionally manipulated or simply too cowardly to point out that the narcissists is wrong and cruel. Most people will fall under the influence and want to be on narcissists side because it’s easier, tempting, feels safer, and doesn’t require much thinking. Narcissist will sometimes emotionally manipulate people to go do their dirty work; they will cry about how they miss their runaway children so flying monkeys would harass and judge children for running away, they will invent stories of abuse and insanity of their spouse so people would shame and judge the spouse who the narcissist is abusing. They create environment in which they can keep abusing and other people will jump to defend, justify, victim-blame and further confuse the victim. “They had a hard life”, “They’re your mother/father/uncle, you have to forgive them” or “He’s not that bad” are the phrases you’ll hear from enablers and flying monkeys. The term “Flying Monkey” is taken from the Wizard of Oz, because the Wicked Witch owned an army of brainless flying monkeys who would do her bidding – much how narcissists do with their enablers.

What enablers are doing is absolutely wrong. They should not be ready to defend abuse, or excuse and justify it, or believe and act on smear campaigns, not for any reason. They are hurting and isolating the victim, and regardless of how much they suck up to the narcissist, they will eventually become the targets too. Victims are right to cut out enablers just how they’re right to cut out abusers. You do not have to suffer for their cowardice or stupidity.

Triangulation is a form of abuse where narcissist brings another person into the relationship in order to bypass your boundary. For instance, you refuse to speak to the narcissist, so they send your family members, friends, or their friends, to talk to you about how much you’re hurting the narcissist and how cruel and unfair you’re being. Or, you’re trying to set a boundary in your marriage, and suddenly a friend or a relative comes talking to you about how unreasonable it is to set such awful boundary and to think of your spouse’s feelings and how bad they have it. Narcissist may try to use you for triangulation too, for example, they might tell you 'Go tell your sister she should do xyz and she’s making a mistake, she’ll listen to you’. It’s implied you agree with the narcissist, and that both of you are doing it for the sister’s good, when it’s more likely the narcissist is trying to force this person to do something they’re deeply set against and would only serve the narcissist. Narcissists will use their children to triangulate a marriage, they will often 'gang up’ other family members on their spouse, or one of the children. If you’re the victim, you’ll find yourself cornered, isolated, and in doubt whether you’re doing the right thing, trying to establish a boundary. Narcissists will also often show affection, compassion or even love to a third person simply to make you jealous and worried that something is wrong with you since you don’t get the same treatment. It’s what creates an illusion that the entire world is agreeing with the narcissist and no matter what you do, you look unreasonable for fighting them.

Narcissists will sometimes invent completely boogus scenarios and try to terrify people into doing their bidding and believing they’re right. As if the world will fall if narcissists don’t get what they want.

Society at large will often enable abusers; you can call out abuse and be rendered a 'killjoy’ because people prefer to enjoy cruelty together with the narcissist than to oppose them. Narcissists are capable of rousing a whole gang of people to turn against the victim and to aid in their abuse; this is scapegoating.

Gaslighting is a form of abuse where the abuser attacks your sense of reality. They will usually do this to obscure and deny acts of abuse. “I never said that” “That didn’t happen” “That’s not how I remember it” “You imagined it” or “You’re crazy, I would never do that!” are common gaslighting phrases abusers use for events that absolutely happened, and they absolutely remember. It’s even more powerful if they get other people to agree that you’re insane for remembering a past event of abuse. They can sometimes try to convince you that something didn’t occur while it’s still happening. This renders your intention of calling out abuse impossible; you’re now debating whether the event even happened and your sanity is questioned.

The point of this is to drive you into insanity; prolonged gaslighting will make you doubt your own memories and senses, and you will no longer be secure in your own point of view or version of reality. You will not be able to fight abuse, because you will get stuck on wondering if it’s even real, or if you’re making it up. Narcissist wants not only to abuse you, but to control your perception of it, reaction of it, and to disable you from telling anyone and being taken seriously. Smear campaign and gaslighting ensures that everyone thinks you’re lying to make problems, even you.

You can attempt to block gaslighting with phrases like 'That was not my experience’ 'I know the truth and I am not debating it with you’ ’ Don’t tell me what happened, I was there’ or ridiculing them for thinking it would work, but sometimes abuse will escalate if you refuse to play along, so be very careful with them.

Baiting, Projection and Scapegoating

Baiting is the way narcissist finds out which triggers will work on you. Types of baits are: Scaremongering, Accusations, False Claims, Guilt-tripping, Victim-playing, False Hope, or Intrigue. They will use these to elicit either fear&anxiety, or guilt&responsibility. You are likely to get pulled in and respond emotionally to these, and thus the narcissist will discover which one of these is most triggering and they can use it to either control you, or to affirm that they can still get you riled up, scared, guilty – they feed on being able to provoke these, it makes them feel powerful. They can later use the same trigger to push you into guilt and fear if you try to resist their control. If they continue doing this to you for a long time, you are likely to develop self-doubt and anxiety about your own persona. Way to counter this is to grey rock them.

Projection is a primitive defense-mechanism, where a person feels uncomfortable with their behaviour or thinking, so they accuse someone else of it to deflect the bad feelings from themselves. This can feel the same as baiting, but narcissists do it without realizing they’re giving you the information about what they’re actually feeling and doing. For instance, a narcissist will accuse you of being self-absorbed after they start feeling uncomfortable with how self-absorbed they are, they will start to call you selfish when it comes to their mind how selfish they are. They will accuse you of the exact shit they’ve been doing whether it’s lying, manipulating, faking for attention, cheating, exploiting, lacking compassion, stealing. These claims will feel like they’re coming out of nowhere at first, but eventually you will wonder if you’re really like that, and accept their projection on yourself, believing to really be as bad, or worse than they are. Even though they’ve done 100% of these things, while you have done none of it. This can also be countered by being aware what is going on and grey-rocking them. Deflecting the blame back to them will not work because they’ll either deflect it back, or throw a tantrum and insult you.

Scapegoating is the most vicious abuse narcissist can inflict on their victims and is designed to completely break a person’s spirit while creating power out of terror. Scapegoating doesn’t only serve to terrify and control the victim; it shows everyone what the narcissist is capable of, causing them to go very far to avoid becoming the next scapegoat. This creates enablers, flying monkeys and other benefits for narcissist to enjoy, while the scapegoat is isolated, not believed, and often shunned by the community to show loyalty to the narcissist.

Scapegoat will be blamed for every narcissists flaw, accused of provocation and creating trouble, shamed for their likes and interests, humiliated for their appearance or needs, their work will be rendered worthless and any pain and injury will be treated as if the scapegoat deserved it, or wanted it. Nothing is out of bounds to criticize or belittle in the scapegoat; flying monkeys will do it too, to either affirm themselves with the narcissist, or because they too crave power by stepping on someone defenseless. If a narcissistic parent decides to scapegoat a child, the other parent might stop caring for the child, and agree that the child deserves only to be neglected and shunned. The illusion narcissists create, of entire society agreeing that a person is irredeemable, deserving only of pain and ridicule, has turned people to suicide.

Scapegoat absorbs all of the narcissist’s malice, cruelty, sadism, baiting, projection, guilt and tantrums, so other people in the environment can get some relief and can use the scapegoat as their shield. You can be chosen to be a scapegoat for challenging the narcissist and standing up to them, for refusing to scapegoat someone else, for seeing thru them and showing any potential for undermining their authority, if narcissist is jealous of you, if narcissist feels threatened by your intellect, compassion and emotional depth they lack. And often, you’ll just be chosen because they’re in position of power and you’re unprotected. If you’re their child, a lonely classmate, employee with no high reputation or lots of friends, a minority, different in the way of sexuality or behaviour, anything that is easily used to sway a group of people against you. Narcissists will make sure to spread a smear campaign filled with lies against you, so that nobody would align with you, or believe you if you try to counter their word.

This type of treatment is beyond anything a human being could deserve, and devastating for the victim’s self esteem and sense of reality. After surviving a scapegoating situation, people might not want to find themselves in any social setting anymore. They might start believing themselves to be unlovable and defective. There is usually no way to counter it or fight your way out, unless there’s a higher authority who could side with you, or there’s a way to physically remove yourself from this environment.

Grey Rock, Hoovering and No Contact

Grey rock is a way to counter baiting and projection; narcissists learn and thrive on our emotional responses, it gives them a thrill to be able to send us into rage, terror, disbelief, shock or panic. Grey rocking means you give zero emotional response, and thus prove yourself very boring and a bad source of narcissistic supply. So, regardless of what egregious threat, accusation, claim or insult they make, you just reply with 'mhmm’ and look completely disinterested. You reply with one-word sentences, say 'sure’ or 'yup’ if they accuse you of something or try to fearmonger, answer questions with 'maybe’ or 'I don’t know’, agree with whatever bs they’re pulling out of their ass without caring, refuse to get pulled in or baited, give them no significance in the conversation until they leave. It is very hard to do, because they will up their game and even fly into rage to get a response, if they feel entitled to it. In some cases they might resort to violence. Often, they’ll keep changing the tactics until something works, and if nothing does, they’ll feel dejected and go find another source of supply. If they feel like they can’t get to you, this undermines their imagined power over you.

No contact is the only way to truly win against a narcissist; if they can’t reach you, they can’t manipulate or hurt you. This means no responding to messages, no letting them know where you live, blocking them on every service, and in most situations, even the enablers have to be no contact, because the narcissist is likely to send them into triangulation and use them to get to you. If you’re unable to go no-contact with a narcissist, a lot of people opt for 'low contact’, which means you only hear from them once a year, or once every 6 months, insufficient for them to gain control over you, and you grey-rock them all the way, and never share any personal info that might be used against you. Hoovering is something a narcissist will do to you after you’ve left them. They might leave you alone for a long time, then suddenly send a message saying they miss you, or they’re thinking about you and wishing you could do xyz together. They might also influence another person to tell you 'x misses you, they wish to see you again, they’re doing bad without you’. This is done to remind you of the 'good times’ and an attempt to draw you back in, as you’re supposed to have forgotten all the abuse already and be ready to take them back. It might come as outrageous expectation or denial of everything bad that happened – that’s because it is. All you have to do is grey-rock this, not respond, and enjoy in knowledge that even if you can’t ensure revenge, you can take yourself away from them, and they will never have you back.

Sources: Baiting, Scapegoating, LoveBombing, Gaslighting(video), Projection(video), Triangulation, Mirroring(video),  FlyingMonkeys (video), Hoovering, Grey Rock

[outrunningthedark]

I feel like to dismiss the things Ana has said that’s ableist as just an accident from the writers you would also have to dismiss the things buck has said and done right. They clearly know what they are doing with how buck is portrayed with Chris and they could have done the same thing with Ana IF they wanted to but they didn’t. These aren’t accidents. They are showing buck in a certain light on purpose as well as Ana.

Exactly! Thank you. Even going back to Shannon, Tim choosing to kill her off was a sign that "redeeming" her was never in his plans. The audience couldn't deal with watching a mother walk away from her child, her disabled child, so rather than face further backlash when she kept doing the same shit, he wrote her out of the show. The way she was portrayed was intentional. I don't know what his personal reasons for going that route were, but people needed to see that bad parenting doesn't just happen to the able-bodied. People needed to see that not every parent, particularly every mother, has her "lightbulb" moment. Some mothers never change, and the kids suffer because of it. The most...frustrating? But also kinda funny? thing about the "it wasn't intentional" interpretations is that...unless someone is using words like "cripple" or "invalid", unless someone is openly mimicking or mocking a disabled person...the majority of disrespect ISN'T intentional? That's the whole point? You can think you're "being nice" and really, to a disabled person, you sound like a jackass. Some of my favorites: - "I would have never guessed you have cerebral palsy." (I don't look *that* disabled, apparently?) - "You're very articulate. Has anyone ever told you that?" (Were you expecting me to sound "dumb"?) - "It must be nice to sit down all day." (My body doesn't seem to agree!) - "I don't even think of you as disabled." (Doesn't change the fact that I am!) - "I don't know how you do it." (Because I have literally no other choice except to die?) It's OKAY if you "didn't know" that thing you said or did was disrespectful to the disabled community. What's NOT OKAY is hearing from actual disabled people that your behavior is inappropriate and doing nothing to change it for the better. At that point, you have no one but yourself to blame for any criticism you receive.

[spacetimewraithwrites-archive]

Find the Word Tag Game

(Double Feature)

tagged by: @talesfromaurea & @druidx!! my words: risk, expression, understand, convince, storage, watch, failure, tale tagging: @drippingmoon, @drabbleitout, @ashen-crest, @zmwrites, @asher-writes, @kaiusvnoir, @muddshadow, anyone who wants to, and the bees that hang out on our back deck. they’re huge and all they do is fly around in circles. your words: strict, stare, steal, stop, steer, start

risk (Rebirth)—

"That would mean you'd be exposing yourself to them," Guetry said. "It'll leave you open for them to trace you back to us and cut you off, you know that."

"Which is why you would temporarily untether us while I disable the security."

Guetry slowed to a halt beside the image of Neptune and turned to the viewscreen, brow furrowed. "...Wait, are you being serious about this?"

"I am."

"Absolutely not. No way. There are too many risks. Your processor isn't strong enough to handle a task like that. If they have fail-safes in place, you could be fried for good."

"My processor is strong enough. It works for thirteen percent of your neural functions and has room for plenty more. Technically, I could operate every system of your body if given the proper adaptation."

"And you think the power of an entire Morrite palace is in the same ballpark as some guy's bodily functions?"

"I have enough processing power to keep a small city running, Guetry."

expression (Meridian)—

Thrive's expression softened, dusted with melancholy.

"I want this," Warren continued. "You said I've sacrificed everything, and I meant it when I said I'd do it over again, but I'm tired. I'm tired of losing everything. You got to tape over the hole in your heart left by the eliyi, but I'm still hurting from losing everyone I've ever loved save for you guys. You...you are the only reason I'm still going right now."

At those last words, Warren choked up, his emotion threatening once again to spill over. Thrive swallowed back the combination of the runoff he felt through their connection and his own guilt.

"It's bad again," Warren admitted. "I barely want to get out of bed most days. I don't feel like I have a purpose anymore other than to fulfill your needs. I don't wanna feel that way. I don't want to end up resenting you."

The silence between them was thoughtful, but heavy. Thrive eventually dropped his gaze to the ground in contemplation.

understand (Aurora)—

"Possibly. We're taking it one step at a time. If they join us, it could be a huge blow against the venevans and the Morrites, and we'd have to prepare for any retaliation to that effect. But for now, we've got an impressive arsenal against the Emmuli, and we're very comfortable about our odds."

The frown digging into Thrive's face indicated that he was, in fact, very uncomfortable about their odds, though he remained silent on that fact.

DeCosta paused. "I'd like to take a second to thank both of you for everything. I know we haven't always been on the same page, but I admire and respect you for accomplishing everything you'd accomplished thus far. I'm truly sorry for anything I've said or done that could have personally offended you, and I hope you understand my intentions are and have always been good."

Thrive nodded. "It's water under the bridge, Delegate. And for the record, I, too, apologize for any and all irrationality on my part. I look forward to…" He trailed off, a muscle in his jaw working as he fought to stay composed enough to carry on with this major omission of information. "I look forward to working with you again in the future."

convince (Rebirth)—

Warren left them to rehearse, running into Varussa as he exited the room.

"You coming to see Skywaste on the Node, Warren?" she asked, pulling her hair out of its ponytail.

He nodded. "I'm guessing you are, too?"

"I've convinced everyone." She smiled. "I've been listening to their albums off the library. Guetry's really good, right?"

Warren inwardly snickered. "Oh, yeah."

"I mean...Alec's very talented, too...I just…" She cleared her throat. "I...prefer the instruments he plays, that's all."

Warren quirked an amused eyebrow. He didn't have to be silhou to know what was up. "Gotcha."

She made a hasty exit and Warren snorted, retreating to the commander's quarters.

storage (Rebirth)—

"Perhaps I can help," Scotty said, voice tinny in the small room.

Guetry placed his rifle in the weapons locker. "Whatcha got?"

"I've lifted files from the data storage on ———'s ship."

"How the hell did you do that?"

"The system purges classified information over a signal similar to wi-fi. For lack of a more comprehensive term, I grabbed them on their way past. The files are heavily encrypted, but with some time I could unlock it. I suspect it leads to Hyret's hidden palace."

"You serious?" Guetry grinned. "God, what would I do without you?"

Warren looked at him, surprised at the sincerity of his tone.

watch (Eternal)—

"We're going to consult the Consortium about commissioning a ship. Do you think we could get back to the—"

Warren stopped short after realizing simultaneously that he was no longer holding the comm device and that his floor looked different. A buzz of static snapped within his skull, and he reeled back as if shocked by a livewire. A mirror directly across from him caught his attention; his reflection much thinner and with a full beard, hair reaching his ears.

He stared, unable to fully comprehend what had happened. He watched his reflection reach up to the collar of his maroon jumpsuit. Stars went out through the window in his peripheral, dying one by one, the power in the station shut off. Flashing crimson emergency lights bathed the room in chilling shadows.

He started to breathe heavily despite every nerve in his body telling him this wasn't real. He wasn't on the Destiny, he was on the Consortium Node. No longer in his cell, but his far-too-small apartment in the Southern Division.

...Here you are.

The stars began to fizzle out much faster, and a cautious glance outside told Warren there was an undulating shape of black smoke outside, billowing around the facility. The pulsing red light grew tighter and Warren felt a sharp, icy finger trail around the back of his neck as the familiar voice rumbled intimately in his brain.

failure (Meridian)—

"I'm getting the news now," Scot said. "There's an investigation underway. There's speculation that it's an attack by the terrorist organization known as the Failure to Thrive, or the FaiTh as they're more colloquially known."

"Not those guys again," Warren yelled. "Jesus Christ, how about just one fucking day where nobody in the universe dies?"

Scot and Hondris took to talking over one another about how impossible that would be and felt the need to clarify that though unfortunate, people die of various reasons every second of every day. Scot went into the odds of there being a single day where nobody died, and Hondris decided to lay on a guilt trip about the venevans and the qrihk that Warren really did not need to experience right then and there.

"Hey!" Warren snapped his fingers between their faces and glowered at them as they fell silent. "Shut the fuck up!"

Scot nodded. "That's fair."

tale lie (Eternal)—

"Just know that when and if it does—"

"Warren," Thrive interrupted, "as much as I am endlessly grateful for your presence and your support, I am not made of glass. I've been pushed past my limits recently, yes, but it's insulting to assume I've never had to cope with this amount of stress before and will fail to do so now."

Warren glanced around at everyone else not even paying them any mind. "This isn't just you dealing with ———. This is ———, the attack on Earth, the loss of ———, the war, the disappearance of an entire other race of—"

Thrive cracked a grin, much to Warren's surprise. "I have no choice but to be the strongest one here."

"You do have a choice. You just as much as any of us have the option to just...let it all out."

"No." Thrive shook his head. "I do not."

"Well excuse me for being concerned after you told me yourself you need to retire because things are getting too hard for you."

Thrive paused as if he'd been caught out in a lie. "Varussa, what is our estimated time of arrival into R'lis space?"

[raeynbowboi]

How Kipo Makes Great Villains

I stayed up all night binging the second season of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, and I’ll admit. Going into it, my expectations were a bit low. Season One had such a self-contained objective, I didn’t know what the show was going to do with itself with a second season. But the second season of Kipo blew me out of the water. So, now I’m going to rant about why Scarlemagne and Jamack are fantastic villains for Kipo to confront, and what Kipo teaches us about writing antagonists. Obviously, spoilers ahead, but if you’re caught up, prepare to gush over great villains. If you’re not, do yourself a favor and go away, experience the second season for yourself, and then come back and fangasm over how great it was.

JAMACK

Kipo’s first antagonist is a perfect character foil. That is to say, Jamack is the exact opposite of Kipo. When Jamack meets Kipo, they are in exact opposite situations. He’s in a group while she’s alone. Later, when Kipo finds friends and is no longer alone, Jamack is kicked out of his group, forcing him to survive on his own. Jamack is very focused on self-interest and self-preservation, belittling his underlings for minor mistakes. His outlook is cold, cynical, and jaded. On top of that, Jamack grew up in this crazy world where only the strong survive. He’s also a part of the Mob Frogs, which seem to be the only mute culture with internal hierarchy. Other groups have a leader, but only the Mob Frogs seem to have levels of rank within the organization, causing the Mob Frogs to be competitive, even among themselves. So it makes perfect sense why Jamack will stoop to pretty much anything to get what he wants. Because that’s the mentality that allows for upward mobility in Las Vista. Thus, when Kipo arrives and upends the status quo and proves Jamack’s way of living wrong, he lashes out. Initially seeing it as her stealing his life from him, Jamack begins to gradually change. Jamack is on a similar and reflected hero’s journey to Kipo, and as she grows, so too will he. It’s no surprise that Jamack will eventually become a genuine ally of Kipo, even if he’s still hiding behind a Tsundere mask.

SCARLEMAGNE

My god is this a fantastic villain. In the first season, he was genuinely creepy and intimidating, but in season 2, Hugo became incredibly sympathetic. As season 2 went on, I kept debating to myself who is more of the Zuko of this show: Jamack or Hugo. Scarlemagne serves the same narrative purpose as the Diamonds in Steven Universe, about how words and kindness can work through problems. But I think it’s done a little better here, since Hugo isn’t a world-destroying dictator. He’s done some damage, but nothing that was really lasting. His pheremones can wear off. The humans he’s enslaved can regain their freedom. So, Hugo’s actual damage as a villain is much smaller and thus much more forgivable than immortal galactic conquerors. Hugo shows this deeply in that he genuinely seems like he wants to make Kipo happy, but he’s been hurt for so long that he doesn’t understand how to. And this genuine care seems to come a lot more from his core personality, and not just Kipo making friendship speeches. Even Steven didn’t really change the minds of the Diamonds. He just kind of proved he was their sister/nephew, and they suddenly cared about what he had to say. With Hugo, it’s much easier to see that he’s not a monster, just a scared and confused man lashing out to maintain control in a barbaric world. It makes him a character who you don’t want to see succeed in his evil plans, but you don’t want to watch him fail and lose everything he's worked for. You simultaneously want to hug him, and also punch him. It’s that perfect balance that makes Scarlemagne so well-written. He’s officially on my list of top 10 tv cartoon villains. Also, it’s hysterical that Hugo is voiced by the live action Beast, and the second half of this season was honestly a better Beauty and the Beast story than the live action movie. Am I the only one who hears Dr. Animo from Ben 10 when Scarlemagne speaks though?

DR. EMILIA

Talk about bait and switch. I don’t know if it was their intention, but I assumed the woman in the bird mask was Song, Kipo’s mother. It was clear that she and her goons were wearing burrow jumpsuits, and as it seemed more and more like her mother wasn’t dead, so I assumed this had to be her. This was such a great misdirection. Assuming she’s the hero because of our opinions of Scarlemagne, it’s what gives this show such amazing rewatch potential as now you can go back and pay attention to her words and actions and realize what she’s genuinely like. But even on a character level, she’s a fantastic villain. Kipo is a master of Talk no Jutsu, a fan term from the Naruto fandom, as he had a knack for talking literally anyone into becoming his friend, even the ones actively trying to kill him. Steven Universe and Kipo seem to be the other two masters of this technique. But Dr. Emilia will likely be immune to this. She doesn’t strike me as the sit and talk things out type. Because there are times when words won’t stop people, but action will. Dr. Emilia is a villain Kipo can’t reason with, someone she can’t befriend with a good speech. But even on a philosophical level, Dr. Emilia is fantastic because while she’s clearly a villain, her goal isn’t inherently evil. She sees mutation as a bad thing and wants to restore mute DNA to their normal animal forms. Which is a large part of why humans need to live in burrows. She wants humans to not live in fear, and to restore animals to their genetic origins. At least in theory, it’s a benign enough goal. The problem comes when you consider that animal mutes have sentience. they can speak and express desires. Robbing them of that is akin to purposefully mentally disabling a group in order to be dominant over them, which adds to the great themes here because there’s a loose veil of animals as an enslaved species. Kept in cages or as pets, ruled over or hunted by man who views itself as the superior race, the same sort of thinking that white slave-owners used to rationalize their prejudice. Thus it’s also a loose allegory for Dr. Emilia wanting to return emancipated slaves back to their chains. This is why she’s such a good villain. At face value, her goal sounds sort of reasonable, but when you examine what she’s really doing, it’s incredibly dark and cruel. That level of detail and writing is amazing. Talk about a well-written villain. I’m sorry, I can’t stop gushing.

Kipo demonstrates three equally compelling types of villains, and handles all of them amazingly. Jamack is the hero’s villainous foil, on his own mirrored hero’s journey as hers. His situation is always an exact opposite of hers, as was his life experiences, which led to such a stark difference of ideas. Thus, why it takes her utterly alien character traits to kick start his character arc. Hugo is a beautifully flawed and tragic villain whose goal of bringing the mutes together under a single ruler is genuinely compelling, but you still don’t want him to succeed the wrong way. Yet, if he could achieve his goal in a less hostile and evil way, I doubt fans would be upset with him achieving this goal otherwise. It’s just his approach that’s problematic. Dr. Emilia seems reasonable enough on paper, but once you unpack what she’s really doing, you can read a really deep allegory for slavery and racial superiority into her character that really complicates the otherwise black-and-white opinion of her character. Each of these villains shows ways you can make a compelling antagonist, and if you read this without watching Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeats despite my spoiler warnings, do yourself a favor and watch it. You will not be disappointed.

[sazandorable]

I accidentally ran into a really good metaphor for art and authorial intent and audience (re)appropriation and the message and importance of art yesterday...

I was at training for the Thiagi framegames this week (irrelevant but very interesting and useful stuff for anyone in education or creative or even just teamwork job, check it out). The teacher made us try a “jolt” game that involved following her instructions to cross our arms and hands and knot it all up and pinch our nose between 2 fingers, in such a way that she could easily untie her hands at the end, but most of the group was unable to do it. The point of Thiagi games is always debriefing: What do we think, how did that make us feel, what do we take away from that?

People who couldn’t do it felt confused, stupid, inadequate. Some immediately assumed there was a trick and the teacher hadn’t given all the instructions correctly, or even that she was playing us on purpose. Some immediately assumed they had messed up and were too stupid to follow clear instructions, or that there was something wrong with their physical ability to do the thing.

But I and one other person managed it instantly. I tried again, and again, and again, and it was super easy, no thinking required. This surprised the teacher, because it doesn’t usually happen, but it was useful too: the fact that some people in the group could do it changed the general feeling in the group, caused yet more frustration and confusion.

But for me, too, it was different: I couldn’t figure out what other people’s problem was. The game was not only obvious to me, I literally couldn’t see the issue and was surprised that others were struggling with an obstacle that didn’t exist for me at all. I tried again and again, and suddenly one time around I couldn’t do it, and for half a second I panicked at being stuck without knowing what I’d done differently and why I couldn’t do it when it was supposed to be easy for me.

Meanwhile the other person who managed thought she had messed up and was “not the target audience for this game” because she wasn’t struggling like all the others.

The trick of the instructions is finger placement in a special way that most people don’t spontaneously do, so the main takeaway of that game is supposed to be that sometimes habits hold you back, or that you might be missing some instructions, or to pay attention to tiny details, etc.

But for me, it immediately brought thoughts about a gifted child used to Performing with ease and feeling no pride in it, but panicking and catastrophising the second you “underperform” and fall to the same level as most other people. Feeling odd and sticking out and like you messed up by succeeding. Or the flipside of neurodivergence and disability: obstacles that neurotypical and abled people cannot see or even think about because those obstacles do not exist for them, but those obstacles are very real for neurodivergent and disabled people.

The teacher was delighted that I brought up that interpretation, but she had not thought of or expected it. She welcomed it and valued it, but she had categorically not intended it when she ran the game by us.

The game itself was invented by “Thiagi” (scientist and teacher Sivasailam Thiagarajan). I have no idea what he intended.

Does it matter?

Is my interpretation incorrect because the ‘author’ did not intend it? Was it truly not intended at all, or was it perhaps intended by the original creator (Thiagi) despite the adaptator (my teacher) not being aware of that? Or did she still carry that meaning with her subconsciously and unawaredly anyway?

Was any of us “more right” with our interpretations? Does the majority’s interpretation cancel out mine? Is the majority wrong because they missed my interpretation?

Is my interpretation automatically right because I feel in my gut that it resonates with my marginalised identity? Or is it biased and overemotional and personal and automatically should be disregarded?

If it is, is my teacher a bad person for spreading that experience without explicitly saying it is/can be/could be about disability and neurodivergence? Is she a bad person for spreading that experience without being disabled and neurodivergent herself? Actually, I don’t know that for sure and am only assuming; am I entitled to ask for that personal information? Are the other participants bad people for not seeing it?

If someone else who is disabled and/or neurodivergent doesn’t read that the same way, does that make me wrong? Does it make them wrong and a bad person? If they think the game is a bad representation of disability and neurodivergence, does it make the teacher, Thiagi, or myself bad people? Does it matter in this case whether Thiagi himself intended it when he created the game?

If Thiagi didn’t intend it and is not neurodivergent, am I allowed to feel the way I do about that game? Is it bad that I like that game over more explicit stories by openly disabled creators? Am I allowed use that metaphor to explain to neurotypical people what it feels like to be neurodivergent?

Does it “count” as representation?

If it resonates with me, does that mean that meaning is categorically there? Does it make Thiagi and/or the teacher allies, does it make them ableist? Does that mean either of them should do or say anything public about that game? Would that make them allies, make them ableist? Do I want that? Do other people want that? Would it change my feelings? What if they said it’s not intended and not there?

Would it “count” as representation?

Does it matter?

(To be clear, I intend these questions as questions to make people think and I’m not saying that any of them do or should have objective clear-cut answers that everyone agrees on. But maybe some of you reading have strong opinions on some answers! Does it matter what I think and what I intend with this post, too?)

[indiaalphawhiskey]

I respectfully disagree with your last post (as an author). I’ve been in this fandom for 6 years and noticed it’s a little bit toxic when it comes to certain issues that should be normal and obvious to anyone.

I don’t get the “I choose the people I want to take criticism from” part. Ok, so why posting your work on a public page for independent writers where every subscriber will be able to read it and comment on it? Just send it to the people whose opinion matters to you and have a discussion about your work with them. If you post your work on a public page made specifically for independent writers, you are automatically posting it for everyone on that site. And every person has opinions on things and feels invited to express it if that particular thing is public and comments are open (I’m talking about respectful opinions, not slurs and offending someone).

If it was only for you and the people you actually want to get feedback from then wouldn’t it be easier to create an “élite” group where you read your work and then discuss it together? Because your post sends a very negative and exclusionary message to people that are reading your work for the first time or without knowing you as an author. It really seems like you are saying “dear readers, your opinion doesn’t matter to me so unless it’s positive I don’t want to hear it because this fanfic was written for me and this list of people.” Then don’t post it. But why making people feel excluded or bad because they did something normal just because they didn’t know it wasn’t written “for them” as you said in your post. And constructive criticism is just an opinion too as long as it doesn’t contain vulgarities, you don’t have to listen to it. Other’s opinion shouldn’t change the way you feel about your work but you also shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable and bad for expressing it in a respectful way on a public page.

I know that authors on AO3 aren’t paid and that’s just for fun, but that’s what every page like AO3 is about: putting your work out there for other people to read with the possibility to express their personal opinion in a respectful way (I mean, you CAN disable the comments). Why making it public and then complaining and making other people feel bad for expressing their opinion on it? It’s not a diary or a personal Instagram profile.

So, first off, thank you for saying you respectfully disagree with me. I appreciate that you’re trying to be polite. 

There are many different ways I can answer this ask, because there’s a lot to discuss here, however, I’m exhausted by this conversation and have tackled it many times before, so I’ll link things when I see fit and get straight to the point.

My question for you is this: What is the purpose of you posting negative  (even though well-worded, polite, and tactful) unsolicited comments on a person’s fanfic? Why do you do it?

That’s not a rhetorical question, I really want you to think about the answer, because, for something to be called “constructive criticism” (which is specifically what we’re discussing here, versus the opposite “destructive” criticism) there has to be a point beyond just the fact that “it’s a public forum” and therefore, you feel entitled to express your opinion, whatever it may be. (That reasoning, btw, is called entitlement. No one said you weren’t allowed to have an opinion, but if you’re saying it to the author with no constructive, bettering purpose behind it, then at worst, your intent is to hurt them, which is just mean, no matter how politely you word it, and at best, you’re saying your opinions and preference take precedent over the author’s own.)

There are three reasons that I assume one can have when posting constructive criticism on work/art:

1. You want to help make them be a better writer, both now and in the future. 

I, and other fellow authors, explain why this doesn’t work here and here, and there are more posts about it like this one, if you need to hear it from voices that are not from the Larry fandom (which I assume you do, since you said this is a little bit toxic here particularly.) 

I encourage you to read all those posts, to get a better explanation in context, but the gist of them is this: for something to be truly constructive (synonym: helpful), the source, the timing, and the tact is key. Let me demonstrate: There is a difference between telling a friend while shopping, “I wouldn’t buy that dress, it’s not the most flattering on you,” and saying, while you’re out at a club, “Oh, that dress isn’t the most flattering on you, I wouldn’t wear it again.” -- Both are honest, worded politely, and both will achieve the same outcome: she will not wear the dress again -- but only one of them will cause undue stress, embarrassment, and self-consciousness (under the guise of being helpful), and that is all due to tact and timing. At the store, she can change into something else, and won’t assume you think she looks awful the entire day while you’re out. At the club, the damage is done, there is nothing she can do to change it, and you’ve just ruined her night.

The same goes for writing. I have seen people gracefully and willingly rewrite their entire first drafts based on astute and even harsh comments on their work, by their betas. I have never seen someone take down a fic and edit it based on a piece of constructive criticism given by a stranger on AO3. What I have seen based on that scenario, is people taking that criticism to heart and reflecting on whether or not they ever want to write again, because when they made themselves vulnerable, some people looked at it as an opportunity to ask for what would cater best to their own tastes, instead of appreciating the work as a true product of the author’s personal feelings and experiences. That results in less writers for the fandom, less content, and a whole lot of undue discouragement which is not something we want (nor is it actually constructive).

2. You want to engage the author in a deeper discussion of their work.

This is in direct answer to this part of your ask:

It really seems like you are saying “dear readers, your opinion doesn’t matter to me so unless it’s positive I don’t want to hear it because this fanfic was written for me and this list of people.”

You feel passionate (both positively and negatively) about my work? That’s lovely. I say, start a discussion with me. Ask me questions. Learn why I made those decisions. A discussion starts with an invitation to have a conversation (two ways, you say something, I say something, rinse repeat). It doesn’t start with “I didn’t like” or “This could have been better if”, and it certainly doesn’t start in a public forum, like the comments on AO3, where the writer runs the risk of looking like a defensive asshole. 

But India, you say, what if I don’t have the means to have a private conversation/the writer doesn’t have tumblr/they’ve long since been inactive in the fandom? The answers are, respectively: leave a polite comment asking if they’re willing to discuss, if they are willing to discuss, leave a polite comment asking how to contact them, and if they’re no longer active, find other friends with which to discuss your feelings in private.

But India, that seems like so much work. It is, flat out. But if you really felt that strongly about something I wrote, you would make that effort to understand it. Otherwise, why not just walk away?

3. You don’t know better.

I found this part of your ask extremely interesting:

“But why making people feel excluded or bad because they did something normal just because they didn’t know it wasn’t written “for them” as you said in your post.”

The reason I found it interesting is because it means that there are people who assume that all work that is public was made for them, to suit their tastes, which is, frankly, a bizarre way to consume art. I do not go into The Louvre, look at the Mona Lisa and say “I don’t see the hype, it’s not something I would hang in my living room.” I look at it and think “What does this piece say about Da Vinci and his life? What has this brought to the world? How has this helped people/art/culture?”

(No, I am in no way comparing my talents to Da Vinci, I am not delusional. But, I don’t think my work deserves any less thought than that of a professional artist, simply because I’m an amateur and it’s on the internet and not in a gallery, and you have the superpower of anonymity.) You asked me what the point was in posting my work publicly if I didn’t want to hear every single person’s personal (negative) take on it, and the answer is this: I post what I write publicly, because I hope it helps someone. I hope my thoughts, feelings, experiences, loneliness validate someone, entertain them, help them through a tough time, bring them comfort. I post because I want to invite people to lose themselves alongside me, heal alongside me, dream alongside me. 

(Notice how I said “someone” and not “everyone”. How I said “someone” and not “an élite group that discusses my work”, because yes, I do hope that my work positively impacts someone outside of my betas, my friend group. Does that mean someone can leave negative comments on my work? Yes. But should they? That’s a different question.)

I know my work won’t be a positive experience for every single person, but my goal was never to be relevant to every single person. So, my question is, if I’m not relevant to you personally -- if my work doesn’t touch you personally, heal you personally, entertain you personally, why not just walk away and find something that does? Who does your negative opinion really help? How is it constructive? What is its purpose? Why do you do it?

I will apologize for this, though: I spoke on behalf of all writers, and maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have been clear that though many writers feel this way, not all do. There are some, such as, I assume, yourself, who do view negative comments on AO3 as constructive, whether or not they are solicited, and I’m sorry to have spoken on behalf of you. However, I do still stand by this, though: it is much better to be kind than be right, and that definitely goes for comments on fic.