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amsgrey · 1 year

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Useful Skills

Shadow Summoner! Fem Reader x Kaz Brekker

SPOILERS for Wylans story arc and season two of shadow and bone.

Slow Burn with Kaz because he deserves someone willing to go his pace.

Synopsis: Kaz needs new blood and it comes in the form of Wylan's childhood best friend. A powerful Grisha.

warnings: angst, I did my best to be accurate to Kaz but show Kaz is a little different from Book Kaz so I'm still learning, general angsty crap, and mention of the reader being related to the darkling (trying to make it a little accurate to the books/show)

You had known Wylan Van Eck for almost 8 years, your mother was a maid in his house. You and your mother lived in the servant's quarters on the Van Eck property, meaning you spent almost all your time around him and his family. You never went to a proper school, your mother didn't want you to when you lived in Ravka in case the Grisha testers came. She kept your abilities hidden until you moved to Ketterdam where Grisha testers wouldn't find you.

Your mother died a few years ago, and you left the Van Eck house and found work as a server in a Pub. It was not a job you were happy with but it kept a roof over your head so you would suffer through it for now. You lost touch with Wylan until one day when he entered the pub with three other people.

You almost didn't recognize him, he hadn't grown much from when he was a child but he looked a little more confident. He was sitting against a lanky zemeni boy, exchanging hopelessly smitten glances. Opposite them was a woman dressed in a beautiful gown and a man clad in all black with almost no skin showing. They were in complete contrast to Wylan and the Zemeni boy, sitting as far away from each other as possible.

It was the end of your shift when another server seated them in a booth at the far end of the pub. You knew you had to walk past them to get to the back, where your bag was stored in a small closet away from customers, but walking past meant possibly being recognized.

You hadn't left the Van Eck residence in good faith, having lost your temper at Wylans father for working your mother into the ground and causing her death. When Wylan had tried to speak with you, you had snapped at him and stormed away. Did he hold that against you and would he be hostile? Why was he here of all places?

You tried not to think about it, walking straight passed the table and through the back. You stumbled around the chefs and untied your apron, shoving it in your bag. You took a deep breath before heading back the way you came. You opened the door and stepped out, sidestepping around another waiter serving food at a table close by. As you tried to walk past the table Wylan was seated at, a cane blocked your path.

You stared down at the black cane blocking your path, following it to the gloved hand which held it. You didn't have to remember his name to know who he was.

The man clad in black stared at you, "Y/N, take a seat."

You almost laughed, stopping yourself before offending the bastard of the barrel, "And why would I do that?"

"Because your skills are wasted here."

You would be lying if you weren't interested. But how did Dirtyhands, leader of the Dregs, know what skills you had?

The Zemeni slid over a little more on his side of the booth, dragging Wylan along with him. You hesitantly sat down, avoiding eye contact with Wylan.

"Hi," Wylan squeaked out, offering a shy smile. Your heart melted slightly Wylan was the kindest soul you had ever met. He wouldn't dare hurt a fly and didn't deserve the mistreatment he got from his father.

"Hey,' You replied, feeling any tension resolve. You offered him a smile, watching the anxiety melt away from his face. To further remove any tension, you stole a piece of bread from his plate that sat untouched in front of him. Picking off a piece and eating it casually.

The girl on the opposite side of the booth giggled, following your lead and humming an appreciative sound at the taste.

"So..?" You turned to Brekker, "What is it exactly that you think my skills are?"

Kaz's eyes flickered from you to Wylan next to you, "Wylan tells me you have a unique talent."

You paused your movements, turning to narrow your eyes at Wylan, "Did he just," You grumbled. You had shown Wylan your summoning when you were both 15. He was your best friend and swore he would never tell another soul, he was the only person you knew who wasn't scared of shadow summoning.

Wylan stumbled over his sentence, "I didn't, uh, tell him everything."

Kaz's face morphed into a scowl.

This time you did laugh, "So you came here on a whim?"

Kaz opened his mouth to speak but was beaten by the woman.

"We need your help to break someone out of Hellgate."

Your face gave away your surprise, you had never been anywhere near Hellgate but you knew the stories, "Hellgate? As in the most secure place in Ketterdam?"

"Wylan seems to think you can help us," Kaz said.

You looked at your childhood friend, thinking over the specifics. You just might be able to help but summoning meant exposing yourself and your abilities. The Fold and The Darkling were gone, but how would people react to another shadow summoner?

"So," the Zemeni spoke, his arm draped over Wylans shoulders, "You in?"

Stepping into the Slat for the first time felt strange. You hadn't been in a warm, dry place for years. Finding it now in the middle of the barrel felt counter intuitive. You weren't expecting it, but once you stepped past the threshold you were hit by a wave of warmth.

You were somewhat jealous, your own room in the boarding house was never this warm. And you lived on the outskirts of the barrel and the financial district.

The bottom of the slat held a bar that had seen better days, to say the least. Kaz led the way to another booth, clearly the group's go-to planning table. Maps of Hellgate and various scribbled notes were perched on the wood.

You slipped into the booth and sat next to Nina, who had talked your ear off the whole walk to the Slat about Matthias the (former) Düskelle and love of her life. You didn't mind, enjoying listening to something more upbeat than the drunken rambles of patrons you were used to. Besides, it was clear she was head over heels and you always tried to help out fellow Grisha.

As Kaz went over what he was planning, you listened intently. He had fleshed out almost every part of the plan, but kept on ending up with one key factor.

"We'll be seen."

You shared a glance with Wylan.

"I can help with that."

Kaz quirked an eyebrow, waiting for you to explain further. You were hesitant, they could fear you and kill you on the spot. Or you might have to kill them.

You looked around the room, by now it was so late into the night that even the bars would be closing. There was no one else in the Slat. The last Dregs had crawled in half an hour ago and were nowhere to be seen. It didn't mean anyone couldn't walk in at any time.

Nina could feel your heartbeat grow more erratic, "No one is around." She said, trying to assure you with her small science.

"The Dregs won't interrupt us while we're in here," Kaz spoke, for a second you thought you saw curiosity in his eyes.

"Just-" You took a shaky breath, you hadn't shown anyone your powers since Wylan. Only using them in hiding to avoid growing weak. For the longest time, your mother scolded you for using your powers, teaching you the dangers of summoning anywhere that wasn't in private.

"Never tell anyone," She would mumble, wrapping you in her arms as you both curled up on the small bed in your room in the servants quarters of the Van Eck Mansion, "Your powers are your gifts, but they are your crimes too, Milaya. If anyone finds out they will punish you."

You broke the rules she set out only once, with Wylan. Were you ready to risk your comfortable life for these people you just met?

"It's hard to explain," You leant back against the booth, twisting your fingers nervously, "It's easier to show."

Kaz gestured impatiently, waiting for you to show them.

"Wylan said your Etherealnik," Jesper said flippantly, "We have a heartrender," He gestured loosely to Nina, "A wonderful durast," He grinned and gestured to himself, "About time we add an Etherealnik.”

You smiled, "Well if you're so sure."

You pressed your palms together, pausing for a second and then pulling them apart. Twisting your hands in opposite directions, your fingers moved independently to call the shadows to you. For a fleeting moment, it was like the world was losing colour, and then darkness was gathering around your hands, amassing between your palms.

You heard Nina gasp but ignored her to focus on your shadows. They reached out in tendrils, spreading up your arms as they tried to block the light from you. You pressed your hands back together, and the shadows expanded quickly and overcame the room, plunging space into pitch black. As soon as the darkness overcame the room, you called it off. Returning the room to its usual light.

Once the room was back to what it was before, you glanced around at the faces of the Crows. Wylan had the same impressed smile he had all those years ago, forever in awe of your powers. Nina was staring wide-eyed at the table, a slightly unreadable look on her face. Jesper's jaw was slack, mouth agape and blinking rapidly.

You were surprised to see Kaz wasn't at all shocked. He had the slightest smirk, not an ounce of fear or hesitation on his features.

"Those skills," He said with the same smirk, "are definitely of use."

Getting into the Hellshow hadn't been an issue. You and Nina had gotten on a boat and calmy taken seats towards the back of the crowd. Nina had to keep her face somewhat hidden, deciding on tailoring herself slightly to avoid Pekka's gaze. She had told you briefly about the last time she was here, trying to deliver the pardon Nikolai Lanstov convinced the Kerch government to write. She had been thrown out on Pekkas orders, pardon ignored. She was forced to leave not knowing how Matthias was.

You felt bad for her, it was hard to be separated from those you loved. Not that you ever had anyone other than your mother, but when she died you would have done anything to bring her back.

"So," You turned to Nina, squished up against her to avoid being too close to the drunken men beside you, "What exactly is the hellshow?"

Nina's brow furrowed in disgust, "The prisoners fight for better living conditions, food, a visit from family. It's barbaric."

She was looking over the crowd, eyes filled with silent fury. You followed her gaze to where a bearded man sat surrounded by burly prisoners. She pointed him out, "Rollins." Her voice held a hatred you hadn't thought possible of her.

You had stopped Kaz the night before, asking him what you were thinking again now, "Why don't we just kill this Pekka Rollins?"

Kaz had given you an annoyed look - although almost all of his looks were annoyed. He gave you no answer, but Jesper had filled you in on how Kaz had something personal against Rollins, something about Rollins running a con that lead to his brother's death. The specifics he didn't know. Kaz was a mystery, even to those that he seemed closest with. He seemed to like it that way. In the week it took for you all to plan the heist, you had learnt very few things about the bastard of the barrel.

Almost immediately you noticed how well he kept his thoughts and emotions hidden. At first, you had jokingly declared you would hate to play cards against him and Jesper confirmed he yet to win against his boss. Then you started to admire him, the calculated look in his eyes and the strength he projected made him the force The Barrel knew him as. Every now and again you could see a crack in his resolve. The way a corner of his mouth would quirk up for a fleeting second when Jesper made a particularly terrible joke. The quick flash of a solemn emotion - regret? pain? - when he was accused of being heartless by Nina or Per Haskell.

The other thing you noticed was entirely by mistake. It was obvious how Kaz was never without his gloves, it was the first thing you noticed about him. You didn't need to know why, everyone had their cruxes. You kept your own hidden, you assumed he did too. Then you noticed how he kept himself away from others. He never stood too close or flinched away from others' touch. You noticed it quickly and adjusted, trying to respect his boundaries. To you, it was the least you could do after what he had done for you.

You didn't think the boy had noticed, but he had. Kaz had been interested in your mysterious nature too. You kept hidden well, he hadn't expected you to shadow summon even though Wylan had warned him you were uniquely talented. He had to make assumptions about you, you looked quiet and well-mannered. But he had been surprised to learn you were anything but. You spoke your mind with little regard for manners or etiquette. Kaz grew to admire it. Not many people argued with Dirtyhands, or offered different plans from his own, but you were constantly challenging his ideas and in many ways, making them better.

Kaz couldn't, however, find your crux. It infuriated him, he found himself watching you and trying to learn more. That infuriated him more.

He could see you seated in the bleachers now, but you couldn't see him. He had slipped into the arena unnoticed by Pekkas men, hiding away from their gazes.

The plan was set in motion when Wylan and Jesper made their first move. You and Nina would then find Matthias' cell and Kaz would lead Jesper and Wylan to you. The plan was to break him out of the cells and smuggle him hidden in your darkness. Nina had told you how Matthias had been unlearning Druskelle's ideas, but he still might be hostile towards you. It made you nervous, using your power in public for the first time with the risk of Matthias messing you up. It was a considerable risk. Nina had tried to reassure you she would prevent him from interfering.

There was a far-off rumbling, then a muffled boom. You and Nina pretended to be startled like the other patrons, adding to the panic as fog started to fill the arena. As the crowd panicked and headed for the exits, you subtly summoned your shadows to extinguish the lamps around the room. The darkness drew more panic. You and Nina used it to slip past the crowds and into the hallway leading to the cells.

You almost stabbed Jesper as he came barreling around the corner in his guard's uniform. He reeled back, hands over his chest in surprise as the sudden blade.

"Saints," You swore, pocketing the knife and reaching to steady the boy, "I thought you would be slower."

“Change in plans,” Kaz said with no further explanation, "Wylan's bombs will distract the guards for a time. We need to find the frejdan quickly."

You nodded, resuming your position and following Nina as she searched for Matthias' heart. Occasionally you would clasp your hand around her wrist - a gesture not missed by Kaz. Nina had figured out quickly you were an amplifier, allowing you to help her search more efficiently. She hadn't told anyone else, because she knew what it meant. A shadow summoner who was also an amplifier? It was undisguisable the relation there.

Your group halted at a large bolted door, Nina mumbled out how she was sure Matthias was in a room beyond.

"What about guards?" Wylan spoke quietly, half hidden by Jesper, who had his pistol in hand. Wylan was in a guard's uniform too, but it looked much bigger on him, giving him an almost adolescent look.

Nina paused, "Three."

You turned to Kaz, watching him as ideas turned around in his mind.

"Wait-" Nina spoke again, crossing her hands together, "There's more than just guards."

"How do you mean?' You pressed.

"There are men in the main space," She explained, "Prisoners perhaps?"

"Rollins." Kaz hissed. None of you could know for sure, but it seemed likely. This changed everything, you had all been operating under the assumption that the prisoners were locked in their cells during security breaches. At least, that had been what Kaz's inside source had told.

"Jesper and I should go in," You said, offering a plan before Kaz could, "I can hide us, Jesper can open the door and-"

"No," Kaz interrupted. You were taken aback, he didn't even let you finish.

"Matthias doesn't know you," Nina said desperately, her voice slightly louder than the whispers in which you had all been conversing. "He won't go with you."

You shook your head in frustration, "I can't hide all of us. Even if I could, we don't have a plan.”

"Everyone stop talking," Kaz snapped, his brows pulled together in concentration.

You bit back a smart remark, it wouldn't do any good now anyway.

"Nina, Jesper," Kaz started, "You take Wylan and create a distraction, explosion or whatever." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a watch, gesturing for Wylan to bring out his own, "When the minute clock is on the 8, something big that ensures we can slip out. Then you go back to Ketterdam, as quickly as possible."

That gave you all 25 minutes but meant Nina wouldn't see Matthias. Nina looked disheartened but waited for Kaz to finish.

"Y/N and I will get Helvar. We'll use the distraction to get out, and meet you back at the Slat."

"How will we get Matthias out of a locked cell?" You hissed.

Kaz fished something out of his pocket, opening his palm to show you the small silver lock pick.

"Of course," You sighed dramatically, "I should have known you know how to pick locks."

Kaz gave you an amused smile and a look that read, Do you even know me?

Nina reached up to her neck, unclasping a necklace she always wore, "Give this to Matthias, so he knows you are with me."

You nodded, tucking the necklace in the pocket of your skirt to keep it safe.

Kaz sent the three away but not before Jesper worked his Durast science and unlocked the door.

You turned to Kaz, "I can hide us, block the light, but I can't disguise sound."

Kaz followed your gaze to his cane, nodding once in understanding.

You took a deep breath, it was now or never. Kaz pulled the door open as quietly as possible, watching your face contort in effort as you called shadows to you to surround the both of you.

You turned to Kaz before stepping into the room, "You'll have to stay close."

You didn't wait for his response, just took a dubious step into the room and pressed against the wall. Nina had said Matthias was in the 5th door on the left, but once you had entered you realized just how open the space was.

The fifth door was in the middle of the circular space, the only cover would be from Pillars of stone that held the roof up. You spared a glance at Kaz, who was standing mere centimetres away from you on your back, his cane held firmly in his grasp off the ground. Standing so close to him felt different, you hadn't expected him to be so cold. It was like he was drawing your heat away from you, which you welcomed. You were always too warm, something about the effort of summoning made you overheat easily. Your mother used to say your skin always felt feverish. Now for the first time, you felt balanced.

Kaz felt it too. How heat rolled off of you in waves. Being so close to you warmed him, which seemed impossible. He hadn't felt warmth since he was a boy, since before the Queen Lady’s Plague. You sensed his unease, looking at him and offering the smallest of apologies, your voice so quiet he hardly heard it.

He nodded for you to continue, trying not to get caught up in the feeling of being close to you. You both counted the doors as you inched along, stopping as you reached the fifth door. Kaz slowly bent down, and you spotted a flash of pain as he moved his leg. He faced the lock and started working while you stood beside him watching the courtyard.

Nina was right, there were more than three men in the room. At least eight were seated around a makeshift table, sitting on the table itself was one Pekka Rollins. You could hear the vulgar conversation he was keeping, it made you think about how much Kaz hated him. You startled when there was a soft clang, the noise echoing off the cobble walls. You turned to look at Kaz, who was silently cursing himself and staring at the lockpick resting on the floor.

"What was that?" A rough voice groused.

Rollins climbed up from his seat, he took a few slow steps towards where you were hidden in the shadows. The lanterns on the walls weren't lit, you had made sure to block the one that was nearby on a pillar to avoid any obvious shadows. Rollins was staring into the darkness like he could see you, it made you so nervous you could feel your heart beating out of your chest.

Rollins snatched a lantern from the table, holding it up and taking a few more slow steps. You tried to step back slightly but only nudged Kaz. If he noticed, he didn't react, still working on the lock. As Pekka drew closer, the lock clicked open, allowing Kaz to push the door open. He blindly reached out, grabbing your wrist, pulling you into the cell, and shutting the door behind you as quietly as possible. Almost as quickly as he had held your wrist, he let go, stepping away as you held your palms facing up to draw the shadows back into the room to avoid Rollin's suspicions.

Thankfully, it was only Matthias in the cell. He had stirred from sleep at the sounds of footsteps, when he opened his eyes you stumbled around Kaz to shove your hands over Matthias' mouth to stop any words from coming out. The Frejdan made a disgruntled noise, sleep leaving his eyes and his hands locking onto your wrists with a deathly tight grip.

"You alive in there, Helvar?" Rollin's accent gave way to his chuckle, he kicked the door, causing it to rattle and groan.

You and Kaz stared at Matthias, urging him to keep his mouth shut. With any luck, Pekka would leave and chalk it up to the sleepy groans of a prisoner. You should have known luck was not on your side.

"Helvar," Rollins barked, this time bringing his fist against the door.

You pulled your hands away from the druskelle. Mouthing "Please" to him.

"Leave me be," The Frejdan spoke hoarsely.

Rollins let out an ugly chuckle from the other side of the door but after another few tense moments, you heard footsteps moving away.

You stepped back, accidentally bumping into Kaz in the cramped space. Matthias moved from the cot, fixing you and Kaz with a dirty glare that made you even more nervous.

"Who are you?"

"We're friends of Nina," You tried to explain, beating Kaz to speak because you knew he would only escalate the situation.

Matthias' face turned sourer, within a blink of an eye he was moving. You had no time to react as he grabbed you and pushed you against the wall, his forearm pressing against your throat. He put enough pressure to limit your air, like he was trying to warn you, not to hurt you. You quickly touched your hands together and reached out to summon. Matthias grabbed your wrist and slammed it against the wall. It made a sick crack, pain blooming through your wrist and hand. You let out a string of curses, biting your tongue to avoid being too loud.

Kaz used the crow end of his cane to press against Matthias' neck, "I suggest you let go, Helvar."

Matthias let out a soft growl as he spoke, "Who are you?"

His accent was so pronounced, every word he spoke in Kerch was thick with the Frejdan accent he would never be rid of.

"Friends of Nina," You insisted, "In my left pocket, Nina gave me her necklace."

Matthias loosed his grip slightly, looking from your face to your skirt's pockets. He let go of your wrist, but you daren't move it. He slowly fished out the necklace, holding it up to study the delicate chain. He slowly moved his forearm off of you, stepping back and staring at you with wide eyes.

As soon as he was the step back, you pulled your wrist to your chest. Kaz's eyes flickered from you to the giant Frejdan in the middle of you.

"Can you..?"

You shook your head, "Maybe," you pulled your wrist away from your chest and flexed your fingers. Pain shot up your arm, causing your face to twist in a grimace.

"You are..." Matthias paused, "...Grisha."

You nodded, "I was our ticket out of here."

Kaz scowled at the Frejdan, something about his look made you think he might leave the Drüskelle here after all.

"I'll make it work," You said, pushing the pain to the back of your mind to continue with the job.

Kaz looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't. He tried to move over as much as he could letting you shuffle past and stand in front of the door.

You turned to look at the druskelle, "Don't make any noises, they will hear it."

Matthias' brows pinched together, he looked to Kaz for an explanation but the boy just ordered him to stay close.

You took a deep breath, forcing your broken hand to open so that you could summon. Moving your fingers was hard, they were reluctant to dance like usual when you summoned. You pressed past it, drawing the shadows to conceal your group, opening the door slowly and sneaking out. Kaz and Matthias stayed close behind you, following you all around the room back to the exit. As you solely opened the door, a far-off bell started to sound.

"Jesper," Kaz said quietly.

You nodded, quietly slipping into the corridor and ushering Kaz and Matthias in too. You dropped the shadows once the door closed, ignoring the incredulous stare Matthias was giving you. Kaz led the way back through the corridors and winding hallways, leaning heavily on his cane as he walked. You knew that the time he had spent off it must have caused him pain, you felt bad that the plan had gone so terribly wrong.

Kaz seemed to always have a backup plan because he led you and Matthias out of Helgate like a man on a mission. You stumbled along behind him, keeping your wrist held to your chest. Kaz led you and Matthias down a stairway, the door at the end lead into the night air. You were surprised to find a small balcony, a rotten wooden platform perched on the rocks. The saltwater had eroded away the wood on the front, making it creak and flake dangerously under your feet. Kaz made quick work of slipping down the platform and onto the rocks, he pressed his palm against the wall to steady himself. He turned back to you and Matthias waiting impatiently for you both to follow him. Matthias went first, stepping down easily, making the drop look like a small step. You tried to step down with some sense of balance, but your foot found a slippery rock and you tripped forward. You hit into Kaz, who steadied you with a hand to your bad arm. You hissed and recoiled, watching Kaz's face change.

"Sorry," You whispered, noticing how he swallowed thickly, panic barely contained in his eyes.

Kaz took a moment, looking at your genuine expression. He knew that you knew, but you made no move to ask about it his weakness. For that, he was grateful.

Kaz pushed out of his haunted thoughts, turning and leading the way across the rocks and around the outside of Hellgate. You had been walking for ten minutes when the rocks started to mix with chunks of rubble. Walking on the rocks with the rubble moving underneath your feet became harder. You all slowed down and clung to the wall for the extra support it gave.

"Saints," You murmured when you came across the gaping hole in the wall made by Wylans explosives.

"Wylan knows what he's doing," Kaz quipped, slight amusement in his tone.

It took your small group at least two hours to get back to the Slat. The majority of that time was spent in a tiny row boat getting sloshed by freezing water. You were sat next to Kaz while Matthias rowed, you had offered your help but he had huffed in Frejdan something that seemed like 'I can do it myself'.

By the time you all had entered the Slat, there had been no one on the streets and you were freezing. Matthias seemed to be dealing with the cold best, no doubt his childhood in the icy Frejda had trained him well. You and Kaz were shivering as you stumbled along, all of you were damp from your trip on the sea. Your skirts were soaked, making them heavier and heavier as you walked.

Stepping into the Slat would usually warm you up, but this time it didn't. You could see Wylan and Jesper sitting at the bar, watching Nina pace up and down. They all snapped to look at you when the door slammed shut behind you. Nina let out a tiny squeal, running and throwing herself into Matthias' arms. You and Kaz looked on briefly before stumbling further into the room.

"Saints," Jesper looked both of you up and down, "We thought maybe you'd died."

You let out a chuckle, "You can't kill weeds."

Kaz looked at you surprised and you offered him a smile.

"What happened?" Wylan asked, watching Nina and Matthias approach arm in arm.

Kaz fixed Matthias with a glare, "Your oaf broke Y/N's wrist."

Nina looked from Matthias to you, then stepped forward to assess your wrist. You offered her your hand without complaint, letting her heal it the little she could.

"It was a mistake," You defended Matthias, mostly from Kaz's dark stare.

Later that night, which had turned more to early morning, you sought out Kaz in his room. You had changed into dry clothes, your wrist wrapped to keep it steady until morning when you would find a healer. You walked up to Kaz's door, then hesitated. What if he was asleep?

You knocked anyway, gently so as to not startle him.

"Yes?"

You pushed the door open, stepping into the room slightly. Kaz didn't even turn from his perch at his desk to look at you.

"I- uh," Your voice came out much quieter than you were expecting, almost sounding broken.

Kaz stopped scribbling on the paper on front of him.

"I just wanted to ask," You spoke clearer this time, "If you were okay?"

Kaz turned to look at you this time, surprised. After a few days with the bastard of the barrel, you had gotten better at reading his subtle emotions. Even the ones he tried to hide deep in his eyes. Like the anxiety when you touched him, or again on the boat.

Kaz didn't answer, he didn't have to.

"You don't have to answer," You said after a moment of silence passed, "Everyone has their..." You searched for the right word.

"Weaknesses," Kaz said.

"Weaknesses." You agreed.

You took a small step forward, testing the waters. Kaz didn't tell you to back off or look fearful.

"We all have them," You continued.

Kaz nodded once, "And you?"

You smiled, "Dirtyhands doesn't know?"

Kaz looked away and sighed in exasperation.

You stepped closer, approaching the desk, "It's this."

You summoned your shadows, forming them into a small tangled shape in your palm. The shadows reached up your arm, trying to tangle their way around you. You dismissed them, staring at the empty space above your palm.

Kaz thought about how wrong you were.

"If you ever need to share," You took a step back, "I'll be here."

You left him at his desk, exiting the room and closing the door behind you. Maybe it would take some time, but you were willing to wait if it meant becoming someone Kaz Brekker could rely on.

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bookishdream · 1 year

Text

Something he wants

kaz brekker x fem!reader word count: 2k CW: a bit of unpleasant touching, but nothing further than that

If one peered carefully into the dark, they would see a pair of young adults walking down the cobblestone street. One of them – a man – limping and clicking his cane. The other one – a woman – with long hair and a magnificent dress, its colors conveying the moonlight. And they were arguing.

“I said no,” the man’s voice was hoarse, loud enough for his companion’s ears but quiet enough so that no one else could hear. “Your complaining won’t help change my mind.”

“You’re unbearable, Brekker,” she remarked, crossing her arms on her chest. The gown had puffy, tulle sleeves. The pattern of roses with thorns was woven into the fabric, cleverly covering her crow tattoo. “I told you I would go no matter what you’d say, so here I am. And you know we have a better chance of obtaining information using me as bait.” She let her arms loose, playing with the cuffs of her dress. It was cold in Ketterdam and her dress had a wide opening that showed her entire back.

“I don’t care,” Kaz rolled his eyes. The crow on his cane blinked mischievously, sending shivers down the woman’s spine.

“Kaz, no offense, but you’re as pretty as Pim’s rear,” she looked into his eyes. Obviously she lied. However, she would never admit that to anyone. “I am your best shot at getting whatever you need. And it will be a lot easier than breaking into his house.”

“You’re a stubborn thing, aren’t you?” he sent a smirk her way. Only later that night will he realize that a bit of red on her cheeks wasn’t from the freezing temperatures, but from the way he looked at her. And did he look at her, all right. Kaz didn’t pay attention to anything unless it looked like a stack of kruge on his desk. But when she had entered the Crow Club, demanding an audience with him, he had been stunned to say at least. Her hair had flown when she’d darted past Jesper, straight into Kaz’s cane.

“Pardon?” she’d asked, eyeing the crow on his walking stick. “Are you Kaz Brekker? If not, get out of my way”

“Saints,” Jesper had whispered behind her, his palms loosely on his revolvers.

“Why are you seeking him?” Brekker had said casually, the cane still in between the fierce creature and the staircase.

“Unless you’re Brekker, I won’t be speaking with you,” she had crossed her arms on her chest, eyeing Kaz. “But you are him, aren’t you? The cane, the gloves, Nina said you’d be unusual.”

“Un–” Jesper had started, but one look from the Dirtyhands had made him stop. “I’ll go guard the door”

“Good idea,” Kaz had finally let his cane drop, leaning his body on it. His eyes focused on the woman. “What do you want?”

“I need your help,” she breathed. He’d only raised his eyebrows. “I need you to kill my father.”

Since then, they had been working together. Y/n with her striking beauty would seduce merchants, when Kaz was robbing their pockets. In more or less legal ways – depending on their mood. Not a single soul was aware that Brekker had such a compelling ace up his sleeve.

“Kaz, please,” she whispered, her dress swooshing on the wind. “I dressed up, you can’t let my efforts go to waste.”

Brekker rolled his eyes, but he must have admitted that the dress, in fact, looked magnificent on the woman. The color lit up her eyes and the brocade corset was making her skin glow. Yet, he didn’t speak another word, pointing his cane in the direction of the perpendicular street. Y/n tilted her head. “Which house?”

“The one with the green door.”

“Give me twenty minutes,” she nodded her head in acknowledgment. “No mourners.”

“No funerals,” Kaz replied.

Y/n went down the street. The lamps were dimmed, not giving much light, yet she could see the path clearly. When she was younger, she would wander around this district, dreaming about being an important persona herself. She would pretend that she was a grisha. One day she would be an Inferni and the other she’d be a Heartrender. She would have to be careful so as not to get caught by stadwatch or worse – her father. He despised grisha, the littlest mention about their kind got his blood boiling. He would murder them. And he would make her watch.

When she got close to the door, she took a breath in. Her body tensed and her heart beating so fast, she could swear people down the street were able to hear it. She knocked, once, twice. No one answered at first, but a moment later she noticed a loud noise of someone making their way to the door.

“Who’s there?!” a man’s voice echoed from behind the entrance.

“Please, I need your help,” she strived to make her voice sound as desperate as she could. She forced her palms to tremble and she bit her lower lip. She promised twenty minutes and she needed to be a bit faster than that. “I-i got lost,” she stammered.

The door opened with a wide swing, the man’s face was wrinkled and he didn’t look as pleasant as she remembered from the photo. When his eyes laid on her body, she knew exactly when he thought about taking advantage of her. She knew what he saw. A broken girl, who looked like a doll, with her big, princess-looking dress, smeared make-up and a trembling lip. She couldn’t look longer than a few seconds at him, which he also took notice of. She was nothing but a broken piece to him. And she made him believe in whatever he wanted.

He helped her get up and while still touching her arms, he led her to the office or a living room, she didn’t know. His breath reeked of whatever alcohol he was drinking prior to her interruption. She wanted to grimace but kept her face straight, Kaz trusted her to get this work done and she didn’t plan on doing otherwise.

“So, darling, what are you doing in this neighborhood?” He forced her to sit in one of the armchairs standing opposite to the big, oak desk. “Such a fine, little thing getting lost in the night? You never know what can get from behind the corner.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She suppressed a shudder and only smiled, hoping she looked as coy as she wanted to convey. She wanted to punch him.

“My father was playing cards in one of the clubs,” she started, her fingers were trembling so she intertwined them. “I just wanted to take a breath, but I went too far and I got lost. I don’t know what to do…” she forced her voice to break. The old man’s face was focused on her lips the entire time she was talking, her heart beat with a new dose of uneasiness. Where the hell was Kaz?

“It’s okay, doll” he placed his fingers under her chin, lifting her head. She could smell a cigar smoke somewhere in the room. She didn’t notice that the lamps were dimmed and the heavy, dark curtains were blocking out the light from the street lamps. She discreetly scanned the room, looking out for any possible exits, but the merchant wasn’t as stupid as she originally had thought. There was only one way in and only one way out. Right behind her.

The merchant was looking into her eyes, searching for something. “You think you are so clever huh?” his hold on her chin started growing stronger, soon he moved his palm to her throat, squeezing it, cutting her airways. She sucked in a breath but couldn’t do much about her situation. “Do you think I haven’t seen you around this bastard Brekker?” He squeezed her neck harder, she could feel her eyes water. “Do you think I wasn’t aware you would be coming here tonight?”

She tried speaking, but her efforts came out fruitless. She saw in his eyes that he had no intention to let her go. She was happy she would die in a gorgeous dress, at least.

“Oh, no, no, no,” he tsked. “You won’t die tonight, doll, not until I get my answers.” The merchant let go of her neck, just so she could utter a sentence.

“I will never betray Kaz,” she spat on his face, clawing at his palm.

‘You bitch,” he let her go. Y/n saw an opening and kicked him into his stomach. She turned on her heel and made her way to the door, but the man managed to grab her waist and kept her in one place. “I wonder if Brekker cares enough for you to come here,” he whispered into her ear, sending shivers along her spine. She felt the hairs on the nape of her neck rising. She tried wiggling out of his hold, but to no avail.

“Actually, I’ve been here for quite some time now,” came a voice from behind the desk. This husky voice, whose owner she wanted to murder with her bare hands at that moment. “You have something I want, Marcus.”

Y/n saw Jesper on the threshold, pointing both of his guns in their direction. When she looked up, Zemeni winked at her, letting her body relax. She forced herself free out of the merchant’s arms and made her way towards the exit. She was trembling. She saw Kaz motioning for Marcus to sit on the armchair she was previously on. The merchant was making his way to this direction slowly, never letting Brekker out of his sight. How clever.

“I must admit, your bitch is a feisty one,” he put his ankle onto his other knee, resting his hands on the armrests. In a second his head flew to the right and blood was leaking from his cheekbone.

“Call her a bitch one more time and I will break every single one of your fingers,” Kaz remarked calmly, his demeanor still the same. “I came for the money.”

“I don’t have your money,” Marcus countered, clutching a handkerchief to his face. “I have never stolen from you.”

“You are mistaken,” he got up, pulling a paper out of his pocket. “You were about to steal from me, Marcus. That’s what you wrote to your acquaintance, isn’t it?”

The merchant sat there, wordlessly, his eyes wide. Y/n smirked into his direction, whistling. “You’re a naughty boy, Marcus, a naughty boy.”

The man only snarled at her, she rolled her eyes in response.

“Well, since you wanted to steal from me, all I want is a percentage of your shares in one of the clubs in the Harbor,” Kaz looked at Marcus, his eyes still locked on the merchant.

“You are crazy,” he yelled.

“And you are a dead man unless you agree. It doesn’t have to be a big part, just a small one would be enough.”

After some time, Kaz had his shares and she had a bruise around your neck. She could still feel the phantom of Marcus’s hands on her throat. Until it heals, she won’t make it go away.

“So now what?” Jesper asked, his revolvers back in his belt and a smirk on his lips. “You’re going to sabotage the rest of his clubs?”

She was looking at the pavement, but not hearing Kaz’s response, she lifted her head and sent him a look. “Saints, you really want to do that.”

“Why else would I want shares from only one club? It wouldn’t be much if there were five others now, would it?”

Jesper whistled at his words and resumed his vigorous steps towards the Crow Club. Y/n stayed behind, her legs heavy.

“Kaz?” she whispered. She saw him lifting his eyebrow. “Why didn’t you help me when you saw him strangling me?”

“I didn’t see it,” he replied.

“What?”

“I only saw him holding you and you were trying to elbow him. And y/n I wanted to smash his skull so hard that his brain would leak out of his ears,” he said, his eyes never leaving hers.

“That’s disgusting,” she breathed a light laugh. Her brows knitted together. “How did you get in?”

“A magician never tells his secrets,” he smirked, leaving her behind him.

#kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker one shot #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #shadow and bone #six of crows one shot #six of crows #crooked kingdom #grishasworld #girshaverse

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swanimagines · 2 months

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FAMILY WITHIN | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: You have a crush on Kaz, and Jesper and Nina have taken it as their mission to get you two together - and maybe the first step succeeds.

You had never been one to believe in love at first sight. But Kaz Brekker changed that view, as the man pretty much stole your heart like a thief he was the moment you had first talked with him. It was foolish to fall for a man like him, you knew that - but you really couldn’t help it.

And after some weeks of drooling after him, you had ended up confiding about your feelings to Nina who had picked up your heartbeat and told you that. And Jesper had of course overheard it too. At first, they had been surprised about it and then tried to not talk about it and that lasted for months, and you knew it was because they knew it’s highly unlikely Kaz would ever develop feelings for you too. Even though Kaz always joined you for breakfast, asked you to help him with planning heists and all that. But lately, Kaz had stopped joining you on the breakfast table and also insisted he no longer needed you for planning heists, and somehow Jesper and Nina both had been on you, pestering you into talking to Kaz about something else than work. They had presented you a ridiculous idea - about Kaz liking you back and avoiding you because he tries to suppress his feelings.

“What would I even say to him? ‘Hey Kaz! It’s a beautiful day! Customers love our drinks! Come join me to a cup of coffee!’” you mock-cheerfully said, swinging your head as you did, and then rolled your eyes, your shoulders slumping. “He’d look at me weird and then steer the discussion to somewhere else. Somewhere else being, in other words, work.”

“Well…” Jesper squinted his other eye, the corner of his lips going up. “You could… tell him that you’ve noticed him avoiding you outside work and asking if there’s a reason. And then proceed hinting you have feelings for him. You shouldn’t tell him straight up about your feelings, but-”

You scoffed, cutting your friend off. “Oh Jesper, wow, a great idea!” you exclaimed, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “But I’d rather die. Honestly you guys, you think Kaz would ever love me back? No. He avoids me because he thinks I’m annoying.”

Nina laid a look at the man sitting little farther away, looking through something. “I wish you would hear his heartbeat when he looks at you. It jumps, every time he sees you. He may be good in hiding his feelings on the outside, but his heartbeat doesn’t lie.”

“And the looks he lays on you, he surely doesn’t do it on purpose, but they scream how he’s crazy about you.” Jesper smirked, glancing at Kaz too.

You sighed, lowering your gaze at your drink, willing yourself not to look at Kaz with them. “Don’t do that,” you mumbled. “Don’t give me false hopes.”

Nina’s smile faded away from that. “Why would I give you false hopes? I would never ridicule you, especially not about matters like this.”

Jesper nodded, taking a sip of his drink before looking at you. “You are one my best friends. You helped me with Wylan, so it’s my turn to help you with Kaz.”

You were quiet for a moment. “Kaz says love is a weakness.”

Jesper shrugged, wrinkling his nose. “Yeah, because he doesn’t want to admit he’s fallen for you.”

You finally risked a glance at Kaz, secretly hoping you’d catch him glance at you too - you could smile softly at him, and see a hint of whether Nina and Jesper were right. But of course he didn’t. His eyes were glued on the parchment in front of him.

Nina’s hand grabbed your shoulder as she leaned close to your ear. “Go to him. Offer your help.”

You swallowed, trying to tell your feet to get up, to walk to Kaz, see how he reacts if you actually went to him, sat across from him - started to speak with him.

You shook your head. “I- I can’t.”

Nina sighed, standing up. “If you won’t, I’ll go tell him myself.”

Your gaze snapped at Nina that instant, grabbing her arm. “You wouldn’t.”

She smirked. “If that’s the only way to get the train leave the station, then yes, I would. I’m tired of watching you two drooling at each other.”

You stood up as well then, smoothing out your trousers and shirt, feeling your face heat up in a rapid pace. “Right. Okay. I’ll go.”

Nina and Jesper shared a look of victory, and you turned around, taking in a deep breath as you made your way to Kaz. He looked up to you when you approached, holding his gaze for a second before dropping it back down at the parchment - which you now saw being a blueprint.

“Another heist?” you asked, maybe a little too briskly and then pursed your lips. “Um, can I sit here?”

Kaz glanced up to you again, sighing before dropping it back on the parchment. “Why?”

“Bored. Jesper and Nina are talking about their love lives, and um, I felt lonely so- no no, that came out wrong, I don’t mean–” your heartbeat quickened up again and your face heated up even more. “Um, I mean, I saw you sitting here and thought that… it’s nice to sit with my boss sometimes?”

You wanted to slap yourself for being so awkward and grimaced at yourself when Kaz wasn’t looking. He paused for a moment, before nodding just slightly. You sat down across from him, trying to shift yourself so you wouldn’t look suspicious before you dropped your eyes on the parchment, inspecting it for a moment. “Van der Velden manor?”

Kaz frowned, looking up at you again. “You know it?”

A soft smile spread on your lips, remembering your childhood. “There used to be a playground nearby. We always played there with my friends as children, the old housekeeping lady was always shouting at us over the fence to keep our voice down. We weren’t even that loud,” you snorted and then paused for a moment. “Is there something special to snatch?”

Kaz squinted his eyes at you for a moment, before he nodded slowly. “An artefact came in a couple of weeks ago. Priceless, they call it. It’s a jewelry set called ‘Wonder of the Sea’. It’s worth looking into.”

You nodded, laying your hands on the table as you leaned forward to inspect the blueprint more carefully. You bit your lip, tapping your fingers against the wood, squeezing your eyes shut. Then you slowly looked up, forcing your eyes open. “Kaz?”

“Hm?”

“Why have you avoided me?”

He paused, but not lifting his gaze from the blueprint. You could almost see wheels turning in his head. Then he continued tracing his finger along the hallway. “I haven’t avoided you.”

Of course he said that.

“Um, okay. It’s just that, we used to eat breakfast together and sit together til late night looking through blueprints. And now, suddenly, you have said you no longer have time for breakfast and you also don’t need my help. I just… it doesn’t feel likely that these two things changed so suddenly and I’d like to know if… I did something or if there’s–” you swallowed. “If there’s anything… else?”

Kaz paused again for a few seconds. “What else would there be?”

You mulled over your words. You knew you wouldn’t be able to ask if he has feelings for you this early on, nor you could confess your feelings for him, but you didn’t know how else would you reply to his question. So instead, you left the question unanswered and you sat in silence for a good fifteen minutes, only listening to the noise the Crow Club provided.

Then you spoke again. “Why have you started to come down here to work?”

“Change of scenery.”

“A quiet office switched to noisy club area?”

“I’m not working here on game nights. And it’s easier to keep customers on check if they know I’ll see when they misbehave.”

You fell silent for a minute again, before you mumbled, maybe without thinking it through, “I heard you’re only working down here when I’m here.”

“Nothing more than a coincidence.”

Of course not.

“Kaz, I… I want you to know that I’ll always be grateful that you took me in to the Dregs. I’ve found a family here.” Within you, you wanted to add, but knew it’d be too bold.

Kaz’s dark eyes flickered up to meet yours again, and this time he held his gaze for longer than last time. You offered him a soft smile, before he turned to look at the blueprint again. You then stood up, going back to Nina and Jesper, who were immediately asking about how it went. But you didn’t even know how it had went - the discussion had given mixed signals. Nina assured you that Kaz’s heartbeat jumped every time you spoke to him - and you really hoped it’s true.

—

Mornings in Ketterdam weren’t pretty. There wasn’t sunlight and only birds singing were crows. So it wasn’t easy to wake up, but you forced yourself to get out of the bed anyway - sleeping in could result in being late from breakfast, and since lunch was often very late, you didn’t want to miss it.

You dressed up and made your way downstairs, stretching and yawning as you went, and once at kitchen, you set the table with a loaf of bread and butter and went to take a cup from the cupboard. Then you heard a click from behind you, and got startled slightly, turning around with wide eyes to see Kaz standing there. You let out a chuckle of relief, clutching your heart.

“Kaz, you scared me,” you breathed out. “Um, did you need anything?”

He just looked over at the little table. “I supposed I could have some breakfast.”

You stared at him for a moment, before realising that the talk you had had yesterday maybe had some effect on him, and you couldn’t help but grin, nodding and taking another cup from the cupboard.

And so you sat at the breakfast table together for the first time in weeks, and even though you didn’t really talk, you felt like this could develop into something more over time…

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone #sab #sab x reader #sab imagine #six of crows imagine #six of crows fanfic #six of crows #grishaverse #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse imagine #reader insert #gn reader #my works

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aysegust · 7 days

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I HAVE NO HEART. (NI WEH SESH) -K.B

Pairings: (Kaz Brekker x heartrender!reader)

A/N: Hello beautiful people! This fiction is based off clearly the season two, episode six from the Shadow & Bone series. There are some exact quotes from the episode because for the plot of the storyline. As a reminder, I don’t own Y/N and other characters and all rights go to beautiful Leigh Bardugo… I just love the write fanfics! Anyways, this is the only way I would write touching scenes with Kaz. And I loved watching that episode, it was amazing. The way the actors played very well… And I thought why wouldn’t Y/N be in it? Hope you enjoy it! Have a nice reading!

Word Count: 4.540

Warnings: Violence, poison, and no hates to Zoya, I love her but in the story, it is a bit different.

“There is something in the air!” Tolya said it with a haze of a worry. As all of you looked at the ceiling, you saw a red powder spreading across the room. “This is how we die?” Jesper exclaimed anxiously.

Suddenly a strong cough filled your throat. Your lungs were filling with the poisonous powder, when you turned your head to your side, you saw Jesper as he blacked out and collapsed into the floor. As you backed away, still coughing like the others, you leaned on the ground and put your hands on your heart.

As Tolya and you shared a glance, both of you were stabilizing your heartbeats. You glanced to Inej as she passed out and a loud thump came out from Kaz, as you looked at him he fell on the floor harshly. You feared that this moment might be all of your death.

The Slat was quiet unusually. You scoot over from Nina’s side and sit down on the high chair. You were eating some breakfast, as you felt growling inside your empty stomach.

While you were eating, two person came inside to the Slat. As you looked at them, the man had a strong physique and wore off-shoulder leather coat. He looked mighty. As you turned to the girl he was with, she looked oddly familiar. Had dark brown eyes match with her dark brown hairs. Her expressions were cold and still. While the guy looked rather cheerful. He was a Shu also. Then as you examined the girl further you realized it was Zoya. Zoya Nazyalensky.

As they beelined to the Kaz’s office, you exchanged a look with Nina. “Why is Zoya doing in here?” She asked confused. “I have no idea.” You looked confused too, but you waited patiently for Kaz to come to the table you and Nina sat.

After several minutes, Kaz walked downstairs following with Zoya and that Shu guy. As they walked to the table you two were sitting, Kaz informed briefly why they were here. The Shu man, introduced himself as you learned his name was Tolya, he explained further about why they wanted your assistance on this plan.

As you listened patiently, Nina spat in disbelief. “The Neshyenyer? Sankta Neyar's blade?” Zoya looked at her reproachful. “So, you haven't forgotten what you were taught at the Little Palace.” She said teasingly. “Just your loyalty to Ravka.“ She turned to her glances to you too while she was talking with Nina.

You haven’t bothered to answer her as Nina jumped in. “Ravka? Or Kirigan? It didn't take him destroying a city for me to question my loyalty.“ She said a little louder.

As Jesper intervened to ask the payment, Tolya answered and Zoya explained further for Nina’s questions.

After Kaz finished the conversation with an agreement, you looked at Kaz briefly then turned your attention back to Zoya while she eyed you with a straight expression.

That was it, a new business, going to help the sun summoner to destroying the fold, in return got a paycheck of thousands of kruges. You went to your own room and packed a small bag for your tools. As Kaz secured your passports, you went to meet them outside the Slat.

It was going to be an extremely dangerous quest. A difficult one, you were feeling it.

Before all of this happened, you were a heartrender, learning to control your abilities and studying small science in Little Palace. As soon as you were studying and under commands of General Kirigan, you realized that this place is degenerated.

You were friends with Nina, back then. As you two were both heartrenders, she was like a big sister for you. She supported you through everything you dealt about the Little Palace.

One day, you decided to tell her your plans. You were going to escape the Palace, you relied on Nina so much that you were so sure about that she wasn’t going to turn you in, as you went to her, you realized she was also making her escape plan too.

You two escaped the palace but unfortunately you grew apart as you found yourself in Ketterdam your dock sailed in. As that time, you and Kaz’s paths crossed. He found who you were and what was your abilities, then he offered you a salaried position. Because you were useful. Also, you needed money so you agreed his offer and worked for him.

After everything happened and your way’s crossed again with Nina, you were more than happy to see a friend.

As all of you finally docked in Shu Han, you looked at the crowd. The place looked beautiful. The crowd wore nice and unique clothes, the bazaar looked lively and relaxed, you turned to your head to Tolya as he lowered onto his knees, there was a thin candle in his hand as he looked at the statue decored with flowers and fruits. He was speaking in Shu language as you watched him.

You were standing next to Kaz and Wylan. Watching the scene as Inej lowered to her knees next to him, praying to herself. While Zoya and Nina did the same. As they began to speak to each other, you gazed through the colored fibers. It was too noise-full and the crowd looked messy.

Then Tolya got up and walked to where you all stood. There were flutes playing through. “Just so you know, it's bad luck not to honor the dead during Suntsa Sar.” He said it as he was eating walnuts and turned his gaze to the statue. Kaz side eyed the man as he was standing and looked pissed. Jesper scoffed and looked at Tolya.

“If I believed in luck, I'd be in less debt.“ Jesper said and you turned your gaze to Tolya. Kaz turned his face to his side and looked at Tolya coldy. He then said, “And I’m more concerned with the living.” You smirked to yourself hearing Kaz’s words. Always has a remark, you thought to yourself.

After Kaz said the tea shop should be open by now, he reviewed the plan one more time. Inside of your mind, deeply, you wanted to take Nina’s role. Pretending to be Kaz’s wife, for a brief selfish moment you wanted to feel it.

He wasn’t sentimental, how could he? If you are living in the Barrel you can’t have those ‘weak sentiments’ Kaz said always. It was a cruel joke to you, because you loved that man.

Over the time as your acquaintanceship bloomed into a friendship, you caught feelings for the very man who deprived himself from it. Despite he was denying the little feelings he has, you heard his heart.

After you two become friends, it wasn’t confirmed by him but it was there, you understood it, you subconsciously let yourself hear his heartbeat. It was impossible to not hear it. Whenever you met his dark eyes, you felt the heartbeats of his paced faster.

Or whenever he was in his office, writing things on papers or reading some books and planning heists, listening his heartbeat calmed your heart too.

But there were ups and downs. Whenever someone mentioned Pekka Rollins’s name or the nightmares he was having, you were the only one who knew about it, you heard his heartbeat got extremely fast which was worried you so much.

You wanted to help him, at those moments when you were near to him, those anxious feelings eased after seconds. He knew it was your doing. He never confronted you about it but sometimes it really did help him. You two never talked about any of this but Kaz was in fact, grateful.

They say the eyes are the mirror of the heart, maybe Kaz hid his true views by training himself but his heart was never hiding himself to you.

But most of the time, he hated it. How you can able to hear his heartbeat, his pulse, it was giving him away to you, he wanted to keep the disguise. Because disguise is always a self portrait.

Nina was pretending to be his wife, Inej was on the roofs for following Ohval and you were left to stuck with Zoya.

After what happened in that tea shop, all of you sat into a place and talked about what happened. Kaz explained about how Ohval was the Disciple and Nina said how she was able to control her own heartbeat. Kaz explained further.

Then Kaz began to explain the plan. He glanced at Nina briefly. “While she's out of the house, Nina will tail her to make sure she stays out of the house.“ Then she looked at you for a moment. “The rest of us will grab the blade. “ He said.

Zoya intervened in quickly and looked at Kaz with an annoyed expression. “You don't seriously expect me to break into this woman's house.“ Jesper looked at her unbelievably then he joined the conversation. Uh, why do you think we're here?“ He said it confusedly.

Zoya looked at Jesper, “I'm a soldier, not a thief. Why else would I need you criminals?” She said it with an arrogance in her face visible.

You looked at her as you rolled your eyes. “Well, sorry to disappoint you Zoya but there is not much of a difference between them than you think.” You looked at her with coldness as Nina chuckled to ease the tension. “Says the girl who ran away from her country.” Zoya said as you were about to reply back to her, Zoya turned to Kaz. “I’ll go with Nina.”

Nina coughed while she was eating some walnuts. “Are you sure you don’t need me?” She said to Kaz. “I mean, Zoya can tail Ohval.” You watched Nina as you grinned. Kaz was done with the silly arguments you two had with Zoya. “Nina and Zoya will wait for Ohval at the apothecary. Follow her. If she starts heading home, buy us some time. Distract her.” With that Kaz put an end into that conversation, again.

Now it was the time for the plan. You and the others walked to the outside of Ohval’s house. The building looked very much traditional, as you were thinking like that, Tolya voiced your thought. You looked briefly at Kaz. You were wondering what he was thinking.

As Jesper approached to Wylan’s side, you heard a faint heartbeat. Tolya must’ve heard it too, he and you shared a glance. He said there was a faint heartbeat and you agreed.

When the doors opened you, Kaz, Inej, Tolya and Jesper entered inside whilst Wylan was standing outside for all of you. As you heard a click sound, you turned to your back and look at the door.

Inej and Tolya both tried to open the door with their hands after it was no use, they kicked the door and it was useless. You heard a groan from them. Then as Inej tried to stabbed the wallpaper but it was no use, it was impenetrable and then you looked at Kaz. “Kaz what do we do?” You whispered to him.

Kaz, as he clanged his cane into the door he looked at you then Jesper. “The frames are made of metal.” As he said it Jesper looked relieved for a moment. “They are Durast made.”

As you heard another click sound, “There is something in the air!” Tolya said it with a haze of a worry.

You tried, you tried too hard to stay awake. You were yelling Wylan’s name but it was no use, it felt like your voice sounded mere whisper. You looked at Tolya which he tried to also yell for Wylan.

Then as you turned your glance towards Kaz and saw him laying there unconsciously, your vision got blurred and the next thing you felt the dizziness and the pain in your head.

You found yourself back in the Crow Club. You looked around… it was empty. There were no heartbeats you could feel. A slight worry took you over as you hurriedly walked to Kaz’s office.

You opened it without knocking. When you entered the inside of his office, there was only a dim light, lightening his desk.

“Hello, Y/N.” You heard Kaz’s crooked voice. How could that be possible? You haven’t heard his heartbeat and you still couldn’t. “Kaz?” You looked at him as your eyebrows furrowed. He was wearing a white shirt, very unusual for him.. He would only wear black outfits. He looked too angelic to be true, as you drank his appearance.

His faint skin looked brighter as he wore white shirt, his hair disheveled and his gloves… As he approached to your side, he was slowly getting rid of his gloves. “What are you doing?” You whispered worriedly. You knew he had an aversion to touch and you felt anxious as he was taking his gloves off.

“Can I?” He was asking for your consent to touch you, as his hand raised to side of your cheek, you didn’t understand what was happening but before your mind could protest, the feelings inside of you thought different. “Yes.” You found yourself saying.

Kaz’s hand slowly caressed your cheek and you closed your eyes for a brief moment. It was so strange yet so familiar to you, feeling his touch, it was a feeling that you wanted to bottle and drink away.

Then you opened your eyes and looked at him. His gaze never left yours as you looked at him. “I… want you, Y/N.” As your bodies pressed together, you looked at him with tears forming in your eyes.

“Kaz…” You whispered softly. “I, I-“ You felt shattered as his nose touched with yours. You closed your eyes and felt your lips be touched by his. It blossomed flowers inside your chest as you felt the foreign feeling. It was new but something happened through the haze of love, you coughed.

You looked at him as your eyebrows crossed in a confused glance. “You are not Kaz.” You said as you looked at your environment. This place wasn’t his office anymore, suddenly you found yourself in Little Palace, in Kirigan’s room. “How’s my little heartrender doing?” Kirigan said it smoothly as he looked at you devilishly. “What is happening?” You sounded afraid.

He then approached to your side. “Did you miss me, Y/N?” He smirked. Then he grabbed your hand. “Let go of me!” You resisted but it was no use, he was strong and you became that girl. That little girl who was yanked away from their family and trapped in Kirigan’s arms. “You cannot escape from me, Y/N, you know it.”

You tried to yank your hand away from him. To use your heartrender abilities to get him down but it was no use. “Maybe, you want this huh?” He looked at you as feelings of betrayal crossed his eyes. Then he let go of you and pulled his hand in the air as Kaz appeared in the door. “I’m going to destroy him!” Kirigan said.

“No!” You yelled as the time you put your hands up and waved it in the air, Kirigan’s shadow cut already killed Kaz, you were late.

“Y/N!”

You heard a voice.

“Y/N! Come on, wake up!”

Inej was the first one to wake up from the nightmare of the poison, she could able to reach Wylan and as Wylan could explode a small hole in the wall, he gave Inej butterflies.

Inej, as she ate the butterfly as Wylan said it, she felt disgusted. Nearly she was going to throw up however after a few seconds, she felt better. “Wylan..” She whimpered. “We need four more.” She said it in pain.

Inej put the butterfly in Tolya’s mouth as she forcefully made him chew the butterfly. As Tolya woke up with a disgusting taste in his mouth, Inej went to Wylan’s side and took one more butterfly from him.

Then she gave it to Tolya. “Tolya, Jesper. Put it in his mouth.” As Inej said it, she went away and took one more butterfly from Wylan’s hand.

She hurriedly scoot over the Y/N’s side and opened her mouth with her hand. “Come on, Y/N, eat.” As she forcefully tried to made her eat the butterfly, “Y/N, Come on, wake up!” Inej yelled and tears formed in her eyes, after several seconds, you woke up and met Inej’s face. “Inej?” You looked at her confused and you turned your gaze to the room.

You weren’t there inside the Little Palace, it was the poison. Then Inej got up from your side and took the last butterfly and approached to the Kaz’s side, as your eyes followed Inej, she forcefully tried to put the butterfly into Kaz’s mouth, but it was no use.

Something was keeping him from there and he was too tense to eat the butterfly. You looked at Kaz as tears brimmed in your eyes, you closed your eyes for a second as you remembered the cut, you opened and rushed to Inej. “Let me try,” You said desperately.

When Inej gave you the butterfly, you looked at Kaz’s closed eyes. “Don’t leave me, please.” You whispered to yourself. You opened Kaz’s mouth and tried to make him eat the butterfly, it was hard and he was struggling to eat it. “Kaz, Come on!” Your voice was dangerously loud as a tears dropped from your eyes. “I’m not gonna lose you, not today!”

You yelled to him as you tried to make him eat the butterfly.

“Who are you without your vengeance?” Jordie screamed at Kaz as his face looked too pale and there were inflammation marks all over Jordie’s face. “What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for?” Jordie said it with sadness, after completing his sentence the anger inside of him came back and his eyes light up with fire.

He drowned Kaz into the water again and Kaz’s felt the utter pain inside his body all over again. The feeling of his lungs feeling with water, utterly panicked him.

Then he heard a voice. It was not Jordie’s. Muffled but not his. It was a girl voice. “Kaz, come on!” She yelled, then as the hands pulled him back, he looked at the very face of Y/N.

The way her eyes looked too worried for him, the way her touch calmed his heart and as the way she pulled him, he looked so relieved to see her.

“Kaz, I’m so sorry,” She said as Kaz’s eyes opened. For a moment, Kaz didn’t feel Y/N’s touch on his face as his eyes met with hers, a sincere relief could be seen by anyone.

But Kaz remembered. The feeling of wet dead bodies flashed into his mind and suddenly he struggled under Y/N’s touch, Y/N hurriedly backed away from him and closed her eyes.

“Is anyone alive?” You heard Wylan’s worried voice. After Tolya and Inej briefly talked, you got up and avoided to look at Kaz. His back was turned from all of you. You got up slowly and looked at Inej. “Did anyone else get lulled into a comforting sense of joy?” Jesper said as his voice cracked, his eyes got teary.

“I didn’t see anything.” Kaz said it coldly as you looked at him. He breathed heavily then Inej briefly glanced at him. “Neither did I.” You didn’t comment on what you saw, you just dodged the question.

“Alright, what’s the plan?” Tolya said.

After Kaz came up with a plan, Ohval walked in and all of you laid down and pretend to be unconscious. She opened the door and looked at all of you. Inej, was on the ceiling and she landed silently. While she was about to pull her knife, Ohval kicked her to the backyard.

Inej got up and pulled her knives. She threw them into Ohval but as Ohval put her hand up, she pushed the knives to the ground. Inej looked at Ohval with a terrified look.

Then all of you got up from the ground. Tolya, Jesper and you hurriedly ran to the backyard as Kaz went inside of the house. Inej threw several knives into Ohval but she was too quick to dodge Inej’s knives.

As Tolya, you and Jesper went to Inej’s side, Jesper and Tolya raised his gun to Ohval, you put your hands up waiting.

Ohval threw Tolya’s gun only a movement of her hand, then she looked at Jesper and warped Jesper’s guns.

When you saw what happened, you curled your hands and showed it to Ohval. Trying to slower her heartbeat into a dangerous rhythm. Tolya also raised his hands to join you but Ohval raised her hands and pulled all the knives in Inej’s waistcoat. She turned the weapons into your way.

It was too quick.

Tolya grunts, all of you dodged the knives. “Seriously offside.” Jesper said as he was very pissed about Ohval’s movements. She threw her hair accessory to Jesper’s neck as she tried to chock him with it. Tolya approached to Ohval’s side and he pulled a punch towards her but she defended herself too quickly. She punched Tolya’s arm while Inej also did a counter on Ohval. Ohval pulled away from Inej’s fist and turned to both of them.

As both Tolya and Inej tried to takedown Ohval, Jesper was still trying to not choke. You raised your hands quickly and curled it to target Ohval. As you were trying to air out of her lungs, she quickly punched both of them to the ground and raised her hands to you.

The next minute you knew, you were choking from loss of air, inside of your lungs. Your vision got blurry, Tolya and Inej looked at you briefly then they attacked Ohval again. As you felt ease, you breathe again. It was deep and, you were hurting.

But she was too strong. She kicked Tolya down and Inej threw her kick into hers but Ohval took her leg and threw her to the wall. You got up and tried to punch Ohval but she quickly dodged the punch and kicked you to the ground.

Inej took her knife as Ohval took one of hers. She tried to stab Inej but, Inej was able to dodge them. As she fought back to Ohval, it was no use. Ohval took her down and tried to stab the knife into Inej’s chest. She was resisting but she couldn’t hold it forever.

Tolya got up slowly as he begged for Inej’s life.

Then suddenly there was an explosion.

Zoya, Wylan and Nina came in just in time. Zoya curled her hands up and hit it Ohval with it. Ohval fell on the ground as all of you got up and and looked at Ohval.

You and Nina were giving Ohval a hard time. You two were trying to stop her heartbeat. But she was powerful, as she moved her hands to the side, all of you chocked.

Zoya gasped and all of you fell down with a movement of Ohval. “This is taking longer than I’d like… Perhaps, we end it.” Ohval said with a harshness in her voice. As she curled her hands, you felt your heart quickened. Your organs were hurting and your vision got blurry. You can only feel the pain and fear. You tried to resist it but she was too powerful.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” Ohval said with a smirk. “The amount of trace metal there is in the body. Iron, for instance in the blood.”

As she was killing all of you, the sound of an old man came into the backyard. Ohval put her hands down as she released all of you.

You slowly got up from the ground, you saw Kaz. You felt shocked as you heard from Kaz that the Disciple was the man, not her.

Kaz smirked as he looked at Ohval. When the man in chair revealed he stole the Neshyenyer for her and that it belonged to her in the first place, Jesper stepped in. “I’m sorry did you say she made it?” he said.

As the older man got off from the chair and approached to her, he was telling about how she made it. Then Tolya smiled and completed his words.

He chuckled softly. “And it was named Neshyenyer, ‘Relentless.’” He then fell into his knees. “We are honored to be in your presence, Sankta Neyar.” He said as all of you, expect Kaz, fell into your knees for her. “Sankta Neyar?” Inej said surprisingly.

After Jesper took the blade from Sankta Neyar’s house, all of you walked off from her house. It was early hours of morning as the sun appeared in the sky, you took a fresh air into your lungs.

As Jesper was with Wylan, he was kissing him. While Nina, Zoya and Tolya walked away from the house. You, Inej and Kaz walked away too. As you squeezed gently Inej’s arm, Kaz looked at both of you.

Inej then turned her head to Kaz. She smiled softly and looked at you. “I’m gonna check in Jesper.” She squeezed your hand and walked away from the two of you.

You and Kaz walked silently as Inej left your side. After a minute of silence, Kaz broke it. “You never told, what you saw.” You looked at him in a shocked expression. You didn’t expect him to remember it.

“You didn’t see anything, maybe I didn’t see too.” You answered it as you tried to brush it off. But then Kaz stopped in his tracks and turned his body to you. “Maybe I did see something, through the haze of poison.” He admitted as when you hear his heartbeat, it got quicken. You looked at him deeply.

“There are those who drown us, and those who pull us out.” He looked at you deeply as he said these words. You felt blush crept into your cheeks as you watched him. For a brief moment you closed your eyes. “Maybe I did see something too.” You revealed weakly.

He looked at you with a visible concern in his face. “What did your toxin trip reveal to you?” He said it curiously. You then opened your eyes and felt tears in your eyes. Kaz’s eyebrows furrowed and you smiled softly. “My reason to live and my biggest nightmare. All in the same place.”

The reason you live because of Kaz.

The biggest nightmare was Kaz’s death.

Kaz looked at you, for a brief moment his eyes soften because of the tears in your eyes. “But it doesn’t matter, now, we are alive.” You said softly and turned your body and looked at the sky. Kaz, watched your face as you looked at the sky.

He saw living saints but none of them mattered to him. The only saint he believed in was standing next to him. The only one to be there for him through his nightmares and everything.

He would become a better man for her. He would be a better man, for her.

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lady-ashfade · 1 year

Text

Just a pawn

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Notes: kinda wanna make a part two..but maybe I just will leave it here.

Warning: Angst, heartbreak, no comfort, short, cursing, I wanna hug the reader.

This was exactly what you signed yourself up for, you tried to stop it. Telling yourself to bury the feeling deep down so you couldn’t get hurt, you hated feeling weak and this was exactly what you expected. You knew he would crush your heart, that you would wait for the end of time for him, just for him to feeling anything…

Anything other then anger.

“Don’t you walk away from me!” He shouted from behind you as your back was turned. You bit the inside of your cheek ready to cry and scream in anger. Spinning yourself you glare at him, his face dirty and sweat dripping and he looked as miserable as always. “Or what, Brekker?” You stepped closer, never letting your anger slip.

“Because we both know you can’t afford to let me go, who else would you have to throw in harms way? Inej, oh not your wraith. Jesper? Not him, your charming shooter. Nina, wylan, Matthias? Because for fuck sake he risk anyone he doesn’t care about!” You shouted as loud as you could, actually hoping everyone could hear you in ketterdam.

“Don’t you shout at me, this wasn’t my fault. We got the job done so stop yelling like this.” He groaned out. You laughed and put on a smile, “Oh thank the saints! We got the job done, so glad my almost death was worth it.” You cheered while putting your hands up.

Kaz looked at you with a glare and stood up straight not having the slightest bit of amusement from you. “For fuck sake, I had a plan. Yes you almost died but that happens on jobs like these. You came to me remember? You signed yourself up for this.”

You sighed yourself up for everything.

“No, I did not. If jesper wouldn’t have acted fast I would have fell from the building, nothing under me or could stop me from hitting the ground. I knew i could die on these jobs,” you went quieter and your eyes become heavy and flickering with tears, “what I didn’t know is that I would be used as a target to just toss around. Each time it’s always me who almost dies and you tell me to do it.”

He glare softens and his jaw unclenches it self. “I don’t toss you for you to die. You know that.” But did you? Did he ever give you a reason to believe that? “I actually don’t, kaz. I know nothing of what you feel or care about other then yourself.” The words cutting him like a knife. She wasn’t yelling or shouting but speaking to him in such a hurt tone.

“I know you know how I feel about you, kaz. I tried to hide it but it was just too hard, and I thought when you looked back at me- That you felt the same way I did.” You laughed and wiped the tears rolling down your face, “Funny huh? It was pathetic of me to believe that. Because you never could care for me like I want you to, you can’t even treat me like something other then a pawn.”

He couldn’t say anything, couldn’t do anything as she broke in front of him. She didn’t know that it was her he cared about the most and it scare him how deep his feelings went. He pushed her away each time to not let the feeling take over, always yelling at her or moving her around. And it killed him to know he could never pull her close and touch her skin.

“Nothing to say? Fine, I’ll talk for the both of us. I’m leaving and when I come back we will forget this ever happen. You wouldn’t speak to me other then on a job, no glances from across the room. Nothing but acquaintances.” Speaking clearly with her mind made up.

Kax watched her walk away to the door and all he wanted to do was go after her and make her stay with him, tell her just how much he cares for her. But she could never know, he could never give her what she deserves. He stepped closer and his body moving on its own, but he forced himself still. You turned around and looked at him half way out the door, a sad smile on your lips and glossy eyes.

“Goodbye, kaz.” And then he lost sight of you and his heart shattered. He knew this was your way of saying goodbye to the way it was between the two of you. It was never going to be the same, a goodbye to him as yourself. He huffed and turned around to clear his deck of everything on it in anger. He shouted and slammed his hands on the table knowing it could very well be goodbye forever.

“You never were a pawn.” He sighed to himself like he was talking to your ghost. Everything he wanted to say.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #angst #fem!reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x fem!reader

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bi-bard · 1 year

Text

No Saints Ever Watched Over Me - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: No Saints Ever Watched Over Me

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Sun Summoner!Reader

Word Count: 1,798 words

Warning(s): canon-typical violence

Summary: Kaz held onto the belief that no saints had looked out for him and none were in a rush to rescue him. When forced to face the very saint that he refused to believe in, will Kaz accept that he was wrong or continue on his path of denial and avoidance?

Author's Note: Here's how one piece of dialogue made me want to throw all sorts of canon to the wolves just so this idea could happen.

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At some point, hiding became as natural as breathing.

My parents taught me to hide before most things.

They were the only ones who knew about my... condition that I hadn't directly told.

They had seen the sunlight that coursed through my veins. The prophecy unfolding in their very home. The future presented to them on a silver platter.

They knew what would happen if I was ever discovered. They never wanted me to hear, but I did. They knew that I would be hunted for the rest of my life. That I would be shoved into harm's way in the name of Ravka. Men would be happy to watch my blood spill for their battles if they were wrapped in the flag of their country.

I was young when a group of men showed up at their door.

My dad took me away. As far away as he could. My mom didn't have a chance.

When he knew that what was happening was inevitable, he told me to run. Run, hide, and never tell anyone about my gift.

I was alone.

I never saw my power as a gift. Especially not after that day. In one swoop, this "gift" had taken everything from me.

And I still had to survive despite that.

I settled in Ketterdam. Alone and terrified. I needed to find work and a place to stay while I was still very young.

Working with Kaz Brekker was an accident more than anything else. It had been a few years since I had seemed to plant my feet on the ground. I had made friends with Jesper, who had offered me a chance to make myself a decent amount of money.

After that, Kaz seemed to come to me for every mission they had. I don't know why. As far as he was able to know, Kaz could have found a hundred people who were just like me.

Granted, I didn't have to keep working with him. I could have taken another job. But I didn't. Working with Kaz just felt right. Working with the Crows felt right.

I was a regular part of the team.

It was nice.

None of them seemed willing to say it out loud but it was like having a family. A real family for the first time in ages.

I kept my... situation private. They didn't truly need to know.

However, I knew that it would be foolish to think that I could hide it from them forever. It did take them longer than

Inej was the first to find out.

Kaz had noticed that something was "off" about me. Something was different. He couldn't figure out what that thing was. And Kaz Brekker hated not knowing everything about a situation.

He sent her to spy on me for the night. Follow me. See who I did business with, who I met for drinks, who I brought home with me (which I never did).

I had been curled at the foot of my bed after a long, exhausting day. I was tired and sad and angry all at the same time. I needed something of comfort. I allowed a ball of sunlight to form in my hand and sit in my palm. The fog and dreariness of Ketterdam didn't allow for one to enjoy a moment in the sunshine, so I had to make my own.

Inej must have caught me just as I was sitting there with it.

Not that she told me.

Instead, she went straight back to Kaz with what she had learned.

I could imagine what his reaction was. The disbelief, the anger at the insistence, and the dismissal of the whole event with some comment about it all being some clever trick on my part.

I hope she asked him what the point of a trick was when I was alone.

I only found out that Inej knew when I was told to go meet Kaz in his office. As I passed the bar, Inej and Jesper watched me go by. I watched Inej's hand move to her forehead and chest. I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment. I hadn't told her anything, so why did she do that?

Kaz was standing behind his desk when I walked in.

"Close the door," he instructed bluntly. I did so.

I walked over to stand across from him, waiting for some indication of what this was all about.

"What are you," he asked.

I paused for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"What are you?" he repeated, putting an emphasis on each word.

"I'm (Y/n), you allow me to work with you because I can fight, and you said that I can be pretty clever-"

"I said what, not who."

"Will you just tell me what this is about," I asked. "I clearly don't know."

"I had Inej follow you last night."

"Kaz!"

"You were hiding something from me," he tried to explain.

"So you sent someone to watch me? That is incredibly invasive!"

"She saw your trick," he continued. "The sunlight in your hand."

I felt frozen. The motion at the bar suddenly made sense to me. Inej was firm in her beliefs. Private, but firm. She saw me and thought that I was the saint that the stories were about.

"How did you do it?"

"I... I just can," I shrugged. "You think it was a trick."

"I know it was a trick," he replied. "The sun summoner wouldn't hide away in Ketterdam."

I took a deep breath. "My parents paid for me to get here. They knew what I was. They knew what would happen if the Grisha got their hands on me. It was meant to protect me. I kept my head down. I stayed quiet. Worked with you for money because it was the safest choice I had at the time."

Kaz didn't speak up. He didn't truly believe me. Not entirely. I wasn't surprised by that. Kaz had trust issues when it came to normal people. Never mind... someone like me.

I took a step away from the desk. I let a ball of sunlight form in my hand.

Kaz slowly walked around the desk. He studied me, stepping in a small circle around me. He was looking for the trick. The effect. Some sign that what Inej had seen was wrong.

He stopped in front of his desk again.

I closed my hand, scuffing out the sunlight.

"You are never to do that unless in the presence of me, Inej, and Jesper. Understood?"

"I know how to hide," I replied. "I've been doing this for a long time now."

He just nodded to me.

I kept to that agreement as best I could. I never showed my gift outside of my room. The only time anyone else saw it was when Inej came by, begging to know if it was all true.

She tried to praise me. Call me a saint.

I didn't let her. I begged her to not see me as a hero because I wasn't one. I had no interest in being one. All I wanted was some semblance of normalcy. She respected that.

My agreement with Kaz didn't crumble until I saw it as absolutely necessary.

He had told me to join him to get through the door of some place.

He had been doing that more and more. Having me work directly by his side. I had no interest in questioning it, but I did notice it.

It had been going well. However, the number of guards had been greatly underestimated.

The only part that I truly remember was one of the guards choking Kaz. His cane had been thrown across the room from him. I didn't have the physical strength to stop the guard. I knew that.

So, as if on instinct, I threw a ball of sunlight at him.

He fell to the ground, allowing Kaz to lean back against the wall and catch his breath.

I ran over to grab his cane. I walked over slowly, holding it out to him. He snatched it from my hand, an angry look taking over his features.

"Are you alright," I asked.

He didn't bother with my question, instead posing one of his own, “What the hell were you thinking?”

“That you were about to die."

“You could have gotten yourself killed, hunted! All that you have claimed to have been terrified of!”

"You would truly rather die by the hand of your own stubbornness than ever thank someone for their help," I rolled my eyes.

"You agreed to never use your powers around others! I don't need you to save me!"

I scoffed at him. “Kaz, I understand that you think you’re invincible, but please believe me when I say that you are nowhere close.”

“And you are?” he stepped closer to me.

“Would you like to compare a list of things that I could survive versus what you could survive? I really don’t think you would because you would end up quite embarrassed!”

Kaz’s jaw clenched as he merely continued glaring. As if he were stunned that I had the nerve to yell at him the way I did. To question his power and control and leadership the way I did.

“I hate to tell you this, but you have people who care for you, Kaz Brekker,” I continued. “There are people that actually don’t want you dead. Let them help you. That’s why you have a crew in the first place.”

"Don't claim to be my savior."

"Don't claim that you never need to be saved!"

The silence after that was tense. He was angry and the boss of the whole gang. I was angry and able to scorch the earth beneath his feet.

"We have work to do," I finally muttered, walking around him.

"What happened to keeping your... affliction a secret," he asked as I did so.

I stopped at the door, turning back to him. "If the choice was letting you die or exposing my secret, then the choice would be you. Every single time."

There was a long pause before Kaz spoke up, "Why?"

There was another, even longer pause. "Is it not obvious?"

His face didn't shift. Not at all.

I had some feeling in my chest that he knew the answer to his question long before he asked it. Maybe he just needed the personal confirmation. Maybe he wanted me to say something entirely different so that it would bring some comfort. Allow him some escape route from his own feelings.

"Can we go now," I asked.

He nodded. "Fine."

Kaz may not have believed in saints. But I would like to believe that some part of him believed in me.

And that was enough for me.

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#kaz brekker fanfiction #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone fanfiction #imagine #fanfiction #x reader #freddy carter imagine #freddy carter fanfiction #freddy carter x reader

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prongslvl · 10 months

Text

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH - kaz brekker

PAIRING kaz brekker x platonic!reader

SUMMARY after another successful heist, your account was once again filled with money and you had one person in mind to use it on first.

a/n: very first time I've written for Kaz so slight warning for ooc ! Still making my way through to his character 🙏

The nights in Ketterdam were always rowdy. When the moon rose, that's when the bad guys came out to play, causing trouble on the streets with their foul language and inappropriate desires. Tourists were advised to arrive in the morning and keep their windows shut at night, unless they were just as shady.

The Crow Club was packed with people, more than usual. The tables had been upgraded, and there were more gambling machines and games. It was like paradise for those addicted to gambling in here.

You scanned the crowded place, keeping an eye on everything despite the bustling bodies. Your arms were tired, but it was still early in the night, and the reason for your exhaustion was all around you, making you proud.

Tonight's success was thanks to the heist you and the other Crows pulled off a few days ago. Your bank accounts, including the club's, were overflowing with money. But you had no plans to share that wealth with anyone else.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late; hope you didn't mind," Anika's voice greeted you from behind. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail, the same style she wore during jobs. Both of you shared shifts guarding the doors. You were assigned the first eight hours, while Anika and another Dregs member would take over.

You smiled and patted her back. "As long as you showed up, I'll see you tomorrow." With a final nod, you moved away from the crowd.

Heading straight to the bar, you spotted Jesper talking to Nina, each with a drink in hand. Jesper waved you over to join them.

Grinning, you grabbed a cup from a passing server's tray and took a seat beside Jesper.

"Having fun?" you asked, taking a sip of your drink. It wasn't the usual rum from Ketterdam; it had a stronger taste that burned as it went down.

"Oh, we are! We've been enjoying Ravkan food without even setting foot in Ravka. What more could we ask for?" Jesper leaned back, looking content.

Nina nodded, turning to face you directly. "And we were just talking about you!"

You chuckled, taking another sip. "Oh really? I hope it was something juicy so I have an excuse to beat you both up."

Nina burst into laughter, holding her stomach as she struggled to stay upright on the stool. Jesper joined in, their laughter filling the air.

"The truth is, we were wondering who you'd treat tonight," Nina finally said, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

It had become a tradition for you to use your money to treat a lucky Crow. Last week, you bought authentic ingredients that one of them had been craving on your way back from Bhez Ju. They had been stuck in their warehouse for three days.

Since the heist, there was one person you hadn't given special treatment to—the person who made it all happen.

"I was actually thinking of Kaz," you said, Jesper pausing mid-drink, his eyes widening. Nina burst into laughter, barely able to keep her balance on the stool.

Jesper whistled. "Now that's interesting. But do you think Kaz would let you treat him without getting something in return?"

You gave him an offended look. "He is getting something!"

"Something that he values," Jesper pointed out, pointing his finger at you. "If anything, he'd probably want you to spend the money on something that benefits him directly."

"And he'd take it without hesitation!" Nina chimed in, clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol.

"I've thought about that," you admitted, pouring yourself another drink. "But it wouldn't be special if I did that. He might even threaten to take all my money." They laughed, agreeing with your reasoning.

You and Kaz weren't close like you were with Jesper and Nina. There was a distance between you, whether it was your doing or his natural disposition to keep people at arm's length. Your relationship with Kaz was mostly boss and employee. You exchanged sarcastic remarks and purposely irritated each other, but it never went beyond that.

It was strange how you were his first Crow but felt the most distant. Inej sometimes worried that your tension with Kaz would affect future jobs. You didn't believe her at first, but as you pondered it more, you noticed Kaz's restlessness around you.

You didn't like to imagine or assume things, especially when it came to someone like Kaz Brekker. Every time you mentioned spending money, he'd scowl disapprovingly. To others, it looked like his usual expression, but you noticed the slight twitch of his eyebrows and the deeper frown.

That's why you chose Kaz—to find out what his problem really was with you.

Hours passed, and the Crow Club closed its doors, leaving only a few Dregs to clean up. Jesper and Nina were taken away by Wylan and Matthias, bidding their goodbyes.

A waiter approached you with a tray of food from the club, including a drink.

"Thank you. Here's a tip for your service," you said, handing him some money from your wallet. The smell of the food made your stomach grumble.

Knowing Kaz, and taking into account what Jesper had said, you knew he wouldn't want to be dragged out of his office unless it was official business. So instead of taking him to a fancy restaurant, you decided to bring him food from his own club.

Climbing the wooden steps, you noticed the building had grown quiet. You knocked on the doors of Kaz's office in a specific rhythm known only to the Crows, allowing yourself entry without needing Kaz's help.

Kaz glanced up from his paperwork, his eyes narrowing as he took in your presence.

"Well, what do we have here?" he said, his voice filled with suspicion. "Did I ask for dinner?"

"Not exactly. But I figured humans need to eat at least twice a day, and you, Kaz Brekker, haven't eaten yet," you replied, closing the door behind you, a smirk playing on your lips.

He didn't say anything at first. You weren't sure if he was looking at you or the food, but it didn't matter to you.

Kaz's gaze shifted to the plates on the tray, a flicker of interest crossing his eyes before he composed himself into his usual stoic facade. "I don't need your charity, but I guess I can spare a few minutes to eat," he finally said, his voice lacking its usual edge.

If it was one of his tricks, he was hiding his hunger well. He neatly stacked the papers on his desk to make room for the tray. You noticed his raised eyebrow.

"I won't be able to finish all this," he started, but his words trailed off as he saw you pull a chair and sit down. You smiled, making yourself comfortable.

"Of course you won't. Did you really think I'd let you eat alone?"

"That would have been better," he muttered.

"We can't always have what we want."

You poured yourself a drink and filled Kaz's cup. The room filled with the sounds of utensils clinking and the quiet chewing as you both focused on your meals. In your head, you hadn't expected it to be this easy to convince him to eat withh you.

As you searched for salt on his desk, you realized it was within Kaz's reach.

"Can you pass me the s—?"

"No."

You sighed, not surprised by his response, and reached for it yourself. You caught his side-eye, and you smirked back.

Kaz took another piece of bread, then spoke up. "Since you have free time during the night, I've decided to assign you to night patrols with Inej," he said, his eyes still on his plate as yours widened in disbelief.

"What?" you exclaimed, shock evident in your voice and expression.

"You heard me. You'll be joining Inej on her patrols."

"But I have other things to do—"

"Not things more important than contributing," Kaz interrupted, his stare silencing any protests. You groaned and took a big bite of chicken.

"But you won't split the pay with Inej. You'll have your own payment."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Kaz scoffed. "It always does."

His words stirred a wave of nostalgia within you. Memories of past jobs, where you were treated differently when it came to money compared to the other Dregs, flooded your mind. You were always the happiest one, comparing salaries with Anika and Muzzen, knowing yours was the highest. Kaz had his own way of showing favoritism when it was just the two of you building the Crow Club from scratch. His very own version of your special treatment.

Suppressing your grin, you took another bite, relishing the comfortable silence that enveloped the two of you.

#shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone #six of crows x reader #six of crows #six of crows imagine #six of crows duology #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker #platonic!reader #platonic fanfiction

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eventidesworld · 2 months

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How Kanej is different from other ships:

Instead of going on a date, the go on a heist

Instead of kissing, the stare at one another (in a very intense way on that matter)

Instead of hugging, they protect one another

Instead of dancing, they fight together

Instead of physical intimacy, they are more about emotional intimacy

On one side, I'm glad that my OTP is so unique and special, but on the other side, I still feel bad because they are clearly touch-starved. The reason why they can't do what other couples can do is because they are just that traumatized. Kaz was robbed of an innocent childhood and Inej lost all her first times. They were forced to grow up too soon. They were lonely and hardened but found comfort with each other. They've spent so much time together that there are things they know about each other that nobody else in the universe knows. Only Inej can likely tell the difference between the click of his cane when he's in a good mood or when he's in a bad mood. Only Kaz knows that she squares her shoulders before she fights.

The book did say, "He had carried her, fought beside her, spent whole nights next to her, both of them on their bellies, peering through a long-glass, spying on some warehouse or merch's mansion."

Note the "Spent whole nights next to her."

He spent entire nights with her. 10-12 hours, and for two years straight. They spied together, fought together, schemed together, solved murder mysteries together, stole things together, went from one place to the next together.

...

This was supposed to be a little sweet Kanej thingy. Why am I writing whole ass paragraphs?

#six of crows #kanej #kaz brekker #i love them #six of crows spin off #crooked kingdom #kanej supremacy #third army #inej ghafa #they are in love #cries in kanej #my otp forever #they're so special to me #grishaverse #relationship #romance #love

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euphoniumpets · 11 months

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Second in command | Nikolai Lantsov x Starkov! Reader

Summary: After being tested in Keramzin, you found yourself in the little palace and after joining the second army, you got captured by the grisha hunters that led you into a terrible fate. However, after getting rescued by the hands of dirtyhands of himself, Kaz Brekker saw you as an great investment for his team. After reuniting with Alina and Mal throughout the kidnapping and going on your seperating your ways, you meet the prince himself and joins him on his ship and as the third charm, Alina and Mal joins your ship after running away.

Requested? yes: I was wondering if i could req a Nikolai lantsov x Starkov! reader? Where she (as alina's older sister) and Alina somehow got separated after getting captured by grisha hunters, but she escaped and eventually went on to become a crow. They finally reunite when Alina & Mal running away from Bohdan, unexpectedly sees her in Sturmhond's crew, and especially how close Sturmhond seems to be with Reader.

A/N: lol, my goal is to fill tumblr with Nikolai Lantsov fics.

Warnings: ptsd, violence, blood and gore, mentions of scars.

he seriously taking my breath away in this gif

You could remember when you were a child, your life got taken away abruptly. You never had a choice to taking care of your younger sister back at the orphange and had to have your head straight. That all changed when the Grisha people came to test you.

You had hoped that Alina would come with you and as well Mal. You could remember the screams that left your lips as they dragged you away to the little palace.

It was then you hated the place. You hated how the people looked at you because you were an outsider. At first, you had a hard time fitting into the place. You couldn't control your powers, let alone to use your power to create a wave with your powers.

It took time and when you finally mastered your powers, the general had assigned you to the second army. You had made a few friends there, back at the little palace and Zoya was one of them.

Zoya was a popular girl there and you didn't knew why the two of you matched so well. Zoya thought that you were an odd, quiet girl who stood out in the background and often thought to herself why she tried hard to befriend you.

You had asked the same questions for years and the two of you befriended each other. The two of you got assigned by the general since the two of you were a trusted companion during the sea and since Zoya was an excellent squaller.

The general had assigned the two of you to rescue some Grisha that had been caught by grisha hunters, however, you got seperated at the sea with yoru crew, losing Zoya in the process and then getting captured by the Grisha hunters that they considered themselves as the drüskelles.

You met a heartrender there at the same ship, lovely woman that one and the one thing you liked Nina Zenik was with her quick wits. You couldn't use your powers since they were being tied up, your hands were no use.

The ship settled down in Ketterdam and somehow, you got lucky when you could escape from the ship. You was about to move toward Nina to help her out of her chains, but she shook her head. ''Go,'' Nina replied, making you frown at her.

''What about you?'' You asked her. ''I'll be fine, go when you have the chance,''

''I will to leave you behind,'' You argued. ''But you have to,'' Nina replied. ''Go before they come back,''

''How will I ever repay you?'' You asked. ''Spare me a waffle if I survive,'' Nina responded with a smile. You shook your head before you sprinted out of the ship.

You could hear one of the Drüskelle shouting in Fjerdan as you ran through the city of Ketterdam. Upon stumbling, you saw a crow in front of you before you saw the Grisha hunters coming towards you.

They approached you as they tried to fight you, however, you waved your hands in motion as the water from the fountains moved towards them, knocking them down.

One of them stood up from the ground and was about to attack you again before a knife was thrown into their chest. You looked at the man in shock before turning around and saw a female and two males behind you.

''I suggest you will leave this place before we do something that you will regret,'' The man in the hat spoke with a dangerous low tone and looked at the Grisha hunters.

''She belongs to us, she's a witch that has escaped,'' One of the Grisha hunters sneered and looked at you wiht disgust. ''She does no longer belong to you, leave, or we will do something that you will regret,''

''Literally,'' The man next to the hat replied and showed the guns in his hands. The Grisha hunters huffed and didn't say a word before they left the place.

And now, three years later, here you were with the dangerous criminals in Ketterdam as a crow. Looking back, you often thought to yourself if you missed your old home, and it had changed over the years since the crows was your family.

You were lucky that day after Kaz and the others had set you free from the Grisha hunters. However, you wanted to do something so much more than running in a club with gangs. You longed for the adventure and after hearing a rumor about a pirate named Sturmhond and his crew being in Ketterdam for contacts and recruiting vaulable asset to his crew.

After saying goodbye to the crows and making your way to contact Sturmhond, you were overjoyed that he recieved it and arranged a meeting.

Upon first glance, you never expected him to be soo... young for being a pirate. It was an odd thing, that he was a little too young and almost too handsome, you wanted to think that.

Most pirates that you've seen when you got captured and during your time at the sea, however Sturmhond was different. You didn't thought much of it.

''So, Y/N,'' Sturmhond replied and looked at the letter in his hand where you had wrote him the message that you were interested of joining his crew.

''What makes you so valuable to be with our crew?'' He questioned, leaned into the chair and sent you a flirtatious grin. ''I'm a tidemaker, a powerful one,'' You spoke, ignoring the comment he made. The only downside was that he was a flirtatious pirate.

You watched him as he looked at you with a thoughtful look before shrugging his shoulders. ''Alright, you are accepted into our crew, Tamar will show your room,'' He spoke and you looked at him with a deadpanned expression.

''I'm sorry, is that just it? No other questions or...?'' You trailed off as he chuckled. ''No, I trust you enough with your beauty,'' Sturmhond remarked.

And that's how it has been ever since you met Sturmhond. He was reckless, funny, caring, and most of all, he was very flirty with you.

Only you and you noticed it. The whole crew noticed it that Sturmhond had fallen in love with you and he was sure that he would make it that everybody will know it.

It bothered you, in fact, you were annoyed by his comments but deep down, it made your heart warm.

After hearing that you got new arrivals when your crew had prepared for your next journey during the night, you were shocked to see your sister and Mal again after so many years.

You didn't spoke much of your family and Sturmhond knew that was a sensitive spot for you. You spoke so highly of your sister sometimes throwing in comments like: ''Alina would've like this'' or that ''Mal was the protective one over you'' and he finally got to see how they acted and know.

You two didn't got the time to speak or catching up since Alina and Mal would drag you with them and catch everything up, but they didn't miss the longing eyes in Sturmhond. They had always a suspicion that Sturmhond had feelings for you, but never spoke it about it.

After crossing the Fold and Alina's attempt to getting it down, you never expected to find about who Sturmhond really was. After knowing in for four years and trusting him, you got your answers right when he revealed to be the prince of Ravka.

You thought all of it was a joke when Alina had punched him in the face and wanted to confront him. Alina had walked away after that and cooled off somewhere with Mal as you walked inside of his tent.

''Can we speak?'' You asked as he turned around. It all was so different now when he wasn't wearing his regular clothes.

''Yeah, I think we need to,'' Sturmhond - or Nikolai replied. ''What do I call you now? Sturmhond or Moi Tsar?'' You asked uncertianly as you heard him chuckle.

''Just call me Nikolai,'' He responded with a soft smile. ''I know I haven't been truthful about my identity and I understand that you don't want to be in my second anymore,''

''You still want me to be it? Your second?'' You asked him with wide eyes.

''Of course? You've always been my second, Y/N,'' Nikolai replied and began to step closer to you. ''You're the one who belongs to my heart,''

''So, how much this change, about us?'' You asked quietly and looked down. You felt him lift up your chin to meet his eyes.

''Nothing,'' He replied and flickered down at your lips. ''Really?'' You questioned with wide eyes.

''Really, really,'' He responded as a small smile formed on his lips and then leaned down to meet yours.

#nikolai lantsov #shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov x reader #alina starkov #shadow and bone x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov x y/n #nikolai lantsov fanfiction

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restinslices · 4 months

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Mortality

Jesper Fahey x Spouse (no gender specified) Word count: 2150 Summary: You and Jesper aged differently. You aged as any Otkazat’sya did. Jesper on the other hand is Grisha and ages much slower. As your mortality gets closer and closer, you and Jesper have a much needed talk. Wrote this on my phone at midnight😀

People could say a lot of negative things about Jesper Fahey.

He was a shit gambler, a flirt, a drunk, he didn't think, he could be selfish at times, he could give you a headache with one sentence, among other things that could make anyone go in the opposite direction.

But it was impossible to say he wasn't loving. Jesper held onto people and treated everyone like family, even when there were conflicts. There were plenty of times when you and Jesper would have a disagreement, yet he still looked at you like he'd both die and kill for you. Jesper could sometimes make promises he'd easily break for the right price. The promises he made to you though? There was no card game, no shiny gun, no heist, no amount of cash that could make him turn on you.

Jesper supposed that's how he got himself to where he was now and honestly? He wasn't sure he liked it.

Was it selfish to say apart of him wished you two never became something more or maybe that he never met you? Was it selfish to look at your aging body and wish he walked away and stayed away after The Ice Court heist? Maybe. He wasn't sure he cared though.

Aging gave him a tap on the shoulder, but aging slammed into you. That didn't mean you were unattractive in his eyes, it just meant your body felt the stings of aging. Bad knees, hips, shoulder pains, wrinkles, all that was normal and expected. Jesper practically looked the same as he did when you two met. You were closer to death but he felt like the true ghost; forever stuck in a single moment. No changes to himself, only to his environment and the people around him.

Or maybe even a time loop, but only for himself. Everyone else was free and moved on. Not him though.

Jesper didn't realize he was staring until you said something,

“A penny for your thoughts?”.

“What?”

“You're staring”

“Oh” Jesper said with realization, “an accident”. Partially true.

He smoothed out the blankets in front of him to distract himself but that worked as well as anyone would imagine. Your face was imprinted on his mind, and although Jesper could've just laid down and went straight to sleep, he knew it'd be all he'd see when he closed his eyes.

Jesper heard you close and set your book down, then felt your eyes on him.

“What're you doing?”

“Smoothing these blankets. They're quite wrinkly”

“Why?”

“Why? Why does anyone do anything?”

You sighed, “why won't you look at me?”

“I'm getting rid of the wrinkles on this blanket like I said”

“Because you can't get rid of mine?”. Jesper's hands stopped moving and he finally looked at you and another wave of sorrow hit him. Why did your inevitable death hit him so hard?

Maybe it was because you were the last one left.

Kaz, Inej, Wylan, Matthias, they were all gone by now. Matthias’ death was the first hit he received since his mom passed and as time went on the rest of his family, even if not by blood, passed on. Sure, he had Nina but Nina’s home was Ravka. Nina was more often busy than not and she was not the fondest of Kerch. Many times you suggested moving to Ravka for a “change of scenery”. He knew the truth though. You wanted him to get used to living somewhere else so he could be closer to Nina and not alone. You were the last consistent thing attached to his younger life and by some twist of fate, he'd be doomed to outlive majority of the people he met. He wondered if he did something awful in a past life to deserve this.

“You've gone quiet again Jes”

He shook his head. “I don't know what to say”

“Too much on your brain? Don't know how to get it out?”. He assumed you took his silence as an answer because next you said “just say whatever, even if it doesn't make sense”.

He took a deep breath then. It's not like you two hasn't talked about this before, but it was usually a small conversation that he'd slip his way out of with some dumb excuse.

“I have something to do”. “I'm tired”. “Let's go eat”. “I have to go write a letter”. The list went on and on. This time though he couldn't think of an excuse and with limited time, he knew he had to speak to your living body now instead of a tombstone.

“I don't think I'm ready to do this without you”

“Do what?”

“Live”. It came out breathy and quiet. He could tell he had upset you by how deep your frown was. Or maybe that was another sign of aging. He couldn't tell.

“I can't do it”.

“Yes you can”

“I can't”

“Jesper Fahey you can break into a Fjerdan Ice Court, escape, survive months at sea with Kaz Brekker, go toe to toe with every gang in Ketterdam and you still use the words 'I can't’?”. In any other circumstance he would've laughed and made some comment about how amazing he is. He didn't this time though. Nothing really felt enjoyable or funny anymore. Not when you could have some attack at any moment and be gone.

“You're beautiful,” he said. “Absolutely stunning. I don't think I've ever seen anything as beautiful as you”

“There's the stars and sea yet I’m the most beautiful thing you've seen?”.

He nodded. “Absolutely”.

“Is that why you're with me then? My charming looks?”

“You could look like all things wrong with the world and I'd still want you”

“Jesper the poet? I think I like it”. Your fragile hand held his and your eyes locked onto his. “You can live without me-”

“I can't”. The tears he had been fighting so hard to keep away finally slipped. He didn't bother wiping them away, too scared to let go of your hand. “I wanna be able to but I can't”

“Why?”.

“Why?”, he repeated. “I just can't”.

Your thumb rubbing over his hand soothed him for a moment, but only a moment. That calmness died when you spoke again.

“If this is hard for you, you can go. You don't have to see me like this”

“Where would I go?”, he asked with furrowed brows and a mix of hurt and confusion etched on his face.

You shrugged. “Ravka maybe? Make it your new home-”

“My home is here. With you”

“You'll have to find a new one when I go”.

His hand slipped from yours, frustration building in his chest. It all sounded so easy but it was only easy because you were the one dying. You wouldn't have to feel another part of you ripped away. You wouldn't feel anything anymore. He would.

He'd think about it almost everyday and a hole would form in his chest and pull him into this thick fog and within this fog he'd hear the future. He'd hear a heart monitor go flat. He'd hear your breathing become shallow before it eventually stopped. He'd hear his own crying. Yet you would come along and act as if everything was alright. You'd be calm and fine while he was breaking on the inside.

“Jesper Fahey, I am going to die and there's nothing you can do about it”.

“What?”

“Jesper Fahey, I am going to die and there's nothing you can do about it”.

“Stop”.

But you didn't stop. You repeated it again and again and he thought he must've been hallucinating and finally reached his breaking point. He covered his ears but you grabbed his hands and intertwined your fingers with his. You opened your mouth but he cut you off with a broken voice.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you don't understand you can't control this”

“I understand fully” he said quickly. “That's the whole problem. Can you stop being calm and show some sort of emotion for once?”

“What do you want me to do? To cry? To think about it and stress myself to a migraine like you do everyday?”. He hated how you looked at him then; with pity. It felt like with one foot in the grave, you'd always use the other to stay near him and soothe him and it made him feel selfish. “You wanna know how I feel?”. He didn't answer but you continued anyway. “I am terrified of death. Faith exists to calm us of this fear but honestly, I'm still scared. I don't know what's next. I don't know how it'll feel. I don't know if I'll see a light or if I'll be in darkness. I don't know how I'll go out and I don't know how it'll feel to take my last breath. I'm terrified but worrying about it everyday? That's not living. I'll be on my deathbed slipping away and all I'll think about is how I should've lived more”

“You are so stressed about me dying but honestly Jes? You're just making yourself live through the inevitable every single day. We should be loving each other now more than ever when we have the time. We're gonna get to my final moments and we'll both have regrets, the only difference is you'll have to live with yours”.

Jesper couldn't help but let tears fall from his eyes. He knew you were right and that he should be holding you close during this time, but he couldn't help but listen to the tiny voice in his head that drove him insane everyday. Everyday was a reminder that for some unknown reason, he'd live much longer. Years would pass and he'd forget your face and always have to look at pictures or letters to remember you. One day he'd even forget your voice. How long would that take? 10 years? 20? 30?

The more he thought, the more his breathing became erratic and his vision blurred. Blinking away tears didn't work. They'd just come back. You guided his head to your shoulder before your hand found its way to his back to rub circles on it. Jesper wasn't known to cry, but he cried. Hard. And you let him. When his breathing returned to normal, it wasn't because he was no longer sad. It was because he was exhausted. His eyes and nose had gone red by now and his face felt incredibly sore.

When he quieted down, you spoke again. “I want to love you while I still can but if you don't want to see what'll eventually happen… I’m… I'm willing to let you go”. It was hard for you to say. He could tell because of how quiet it came out. Were you willing to? Probably. Did you want to? Absolutely not. He didn't need to ask or look at you to know.

Jesper had a big choice to make. He stayed, spent the rest of your life with you and eventually buried you or he could leave and try to get a jumpstart at a new life. He wouldn't see age continue to eat at you and when your time came, he wouldn't be there. He'd be leaving you alone. He probably wouldn't know exactly when you died. Years would pass and he'd just guess that you were gone.

Jesper was ashamed of how long it took him to make a decision. Leaving seemed so good. The pain of watching you continue to grow old would be no more, but then he'd be left with another pain; the pain of never seeing you again. Of knowing he abandoned you when all you wanted was to hold him close. You had no family and no notable friends besides him and Nina now. You'd probably be found and with no one to identify you, who knew what would become of your body in Kerch. A body with no name. And he'd become a body with no home.

“I'm not going anywhere”. He finally lifted his head up to look at you and although he still felt that pang in his heart, he didn't look away and try to avoid your gaze. He just looked at you, mapping every detail of your face so he could look back and remember just how beautiful you were when you're gone.

“I am so going to miss you”

“Of course you will” you said with a small smile and you finally got a chuckle out of him, even if it was small.

You didn't have forever. You both knew you were on limited time and one day you'd be apart, but you both promised to love and cherish the time you still had together and maybe, just maybe, you'd see each other in the next life when the sun finally set on the both of you.

I am feral for this man in the most wholesome way possible. Legit just wanna hold his hand and hear him talk about dumb shit.

#shadow and bone #six of crows #crooked kingdom #six of crows imagine #six of crows jesper #six of crows x reader #six of crows x you #six of crows x y/n #jesper fahey #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey x you #Jesper fahey one shot #Jesper fahey x y/n #Do not let this flop or istg-#shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone oneshot #shadow and bone imagine #grishaverse

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webslinger-holland · 11 months

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The Emperor of Magic | Part 3

Summary: The crows make their way out of the court with the prisoner. On their way to Ravka, they are faced with a problem that can’t be solved easily.

Warning: +18 Warning, particularly gruesome chapter which includes death/murder, mentions of blood, swearing, arguing

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader

Type: Series

Word Count: 3.5k

Series Masterlist

The large metal door of the cell swung open to reveal the presence of the emperor herself. The officer stood in the doorway of the cell. With great hesitation, Kaz and Matthias moved to stand on either side of the officer. They both looked into the dark and cold cell.

All of the sudden, the officer breathed a sharp gasp. He went to grab his chest as it sounded like he was struggling to breathe or he was having some sort of heart attack. Before Kaz or Matthias could question anything, the officer collapsed to the ground. The two of them slowly turned their heads to look at the unfazed emperor.

In utter fear, Kaz went to reach into the cell to grab the handle of the door. He slammed the large metal door shut in hopes that it would protect them against her.

Unbeknownst to them, the rest of the crows were standing right behind them. The officer had fallen unconscious by the hand of their very own heartrender, not by the emperor in the cell. Slowly, Nina’s hands fell back down to her sides. She shook her head.

“You really think she’d just kill him like that?” Nina asked them sarcastically. “She’s contained remember?”

In response, Matthias and Kaz went to look behind themselves at the rest of the group. They both seemed to breathe a small sigh of relief, having realized that they were actually safe from the emperor and that the officer wasn’t dead.

Now that the whole crew had arrived, it was time to break the prisoner out of the cell. First off, Wylan passed out some of the weapons he had stolen in the armory. Inej inspected the knives and Jesper inspected the small guns. Finally, the boss went over the plan one final time with the rest of them.

“When we get inside, Jesper will break the chains. Each of us will grab one and lead her out of the cell. Then Nina and Wylan will clear the way for our escape,” Kaz reminded them.

“Right,” Matthias nodded. “And how are we getting out of here?”

“Through the tunnels that run underneath the city,” Nina explained. She had seen a number of hidden manhole covers throughout the city. There was bound to be one nearby.

“They’ll lead us straight out of the court,” Inej explained. Kaz nodded his head once in acceptance.

Once everyone got into position, Kaz went to open the large metal door of the cell. They filed in one by one. Now Jesper quickly got to work with the chains. He grabbed hold of them tightly, using his ability to manipulate metal in order to break the chain from the wall. He handed the chain to the respective crow. He did this for each of the four chains.

As an extra form of security, Wylan slipped a brown burlap bag over her head. He was especially careful not to touch her in fear that he’d be exposed to her magical abilities. He quickly stepped away from her.

For a split moment, there was a stunned silence that fell over them. The boss took the time to glance at each of his crows, hoping this wasn’t going to be the end. Now they just needed to get out of the court alive.

It felt like he was tasked with gently waking up a vicious and dangerous sleeping dragon which could destroy him at any given second. With great hesitancy, Kaz shook the chain he was holding once or twice. The emperor was slow to lift her head, but she did so.

He went ahead to pull on the chain, urging her to follow him out of the cell. Though Kaz could practically feel the uncertainty leaking from her. He knew he was taking a risk because this was something that she hadn’t done since her time her. He figured that it was only a matter of time before she would come to the realization that she was being broken out of prison. She might have already realized it.

After a beat, the emperor of magic rose to her feet and began to follow them out of the cell. They guided her with the four massive metal chains, leading her through different hallways and doorways. Upon rounding a corner, Nina found one of the grates that lead to the tunnels. She had found it earlier on their way to the cell. She went to open it up.

Suddenly, the sound of a commotion was heard through the cold hallways. The guards must have stumbled across the empty cell because they began arguing amongst each other. The footsteps began drawing closer as the guards spread out in search of the fugitive.

“They’ll be coming soon,” Matthias explained.

“Working on it,” Nina said as she pulled the grate off the wall.

They didn’t waste any time in entering through the tunnel that would lead them below the city. The guards were getting closer with each passing second. However, Nina made sure to close the grate behind them. Just as she slipped into the shadows of the tunnel, she faintly heard a group of soldiers marching past the spot they had just been standing at.

Though the tunnel was quite narrow, the crows made sure to keep their distance from the emperor. They didn’t want to accidentally bump into her. They continued on by leading her through the tunnels.

Navigating the tunnels was no easy task, but they knew that they needed to head north in order to get out of there. They made sure to head in one direction to the best of their ability. A few right or left turns were made, but they were able to keep on track easily enough. It was a couple hours before...

“It should be straight up ahead,” Matthias stated. He glanced at some of his surroundings. “This looks familiar.”

“Be on the lookout,” Kaz ordered. “There is no telling if we run into guards once we are out.”

Carefully, Nina went to remove the grate that separated the tunnels from the outside of the court. She placed the grate to the side and slipped out. She moved her hands to be at the ready just in case they ran into anyone. The others followed behind her.

As if on cue, the Black Protocol alarm began to resound from inside the walls of the court. That meant the whole court was going into lockdown until they found their missing fugitive. The soldiers had been ordered to make their way to the walls so that the prisoner wouldn’t be able to escape.

Though they were already outside the walls, the crows were quick to make their escape into the forest so that they wouldn’t be seen by anybody. Their intention was to lead the emperor of magic as far away from the court as humanly possible.

At some point, word was bound to reach the other kingdoms in the land. The other king and queen will hear that their grand prisoner had escaped the impossible confines of the prison. A bounty was going to be placed on her head for her recapture. And the crows were going to cash that in relatively soon.

Now heading south, the crows stumbled across the small hidden place where they had buried some of their valuable belongings. Now Wylan reunited with his explosives, Jesper found his precious pearly guns, and Inej clung to her favorite knives. Even Kaz was more than happy to be reunited with his trusty walking cane as his leg had been bothering him for some time.

Moving on, the group of seven made their way further south with the intent of heading into Ravkan territory. It took a few hours, but they eventually wandered into the sandy dunes. The sun began to rise and the heat only followed.

The heat of the sun finally peeked since it had reached midday. The blinding rays of sunlight had no coverage from clouds, brutally beating down and reflecting off the dunes of sand. With this heat, everyone grew tired and weary rather quickly.

Having passed into Ravkan territory, the cool comfort of snow had long since disappeared. The vast dessert dunes of Ravka would eventually come to an end, especially once they came to the palace. But for now, they were forced to endure with the heat.

At one point, Matthias went to look over the stretch of his shoulder. He looked back on the place he used to call home as he was still able to see it from many miles away. He silently wondered if he’d ever go back or ever be accepted back.

The crows kept trudging along with their feet lazily dragging in the sand. It would be dangerous to stop now since they were transporting a very dangerous fugitive. Naturally, Kaz was leading the group while holding onto the chain attached to the emperor’s frontside. He occasionally would look over his shoulder to make sure everything was still running smoothly.

On the right side, Jesper held one of the massive chains in his hand. He’d often wipe the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand or fix the way his hat fell on his head. On the left side, Wylan and Inej took turns holding the chain as it was quite heavy. They were also the two smallest members of the group.

In the back, Matthias held the final chain. Though it was rather heavy, it wasn’t to him. Nina walked along beside him with her hands constantly at the ready. Though she had been instructed to not use her powers unless absolutely necessary. If she ended up using her powers. she’d be exposed by the emperor by letting it slip that there was a heartrender amongst them.

Out of nowhere, the emperor of magic came to a slow halt in her steps which caused the others to slightly tug at the chains because they expected her to keep walking with them. Without hesitation, Kaz whipped his head around to stare directly at the emperor’s covered head. He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously before cautiously pulling the chain once or twice to encourage her to move along. But she stayed put.

“What’s happened? Why’d she stop?” Jesper asked for some kind of explanation. The five crows casted uncertain glances to their boss.

“I don't know,” Kaz shook his head. He was looking the most annoyed right now.

“D-Do you reckon she’s tired?” Wylan tried to reason. They turned to look at him with blank expressions on their faces. Wylan further explained himself. “Maybe this is her way of saying she’s tired and needs a break.”

“We can’t stop,” Kaz almost cut him off. “It’s too dangerous. We can’t let our guard down.”

As if on cue, a heavy rumble sounded in the long distance. If one could describe the sound, it almost sounded like a mountain caving in on itself or the sound of thousands of boulders crashing into one another. Before anyone could remotely question it, the earth began to shake violently. The crows did well to maintain their balance.

The rumbling sound continued as the earth groaned in pain. Unbeknownst to them, the tremors of the reverberating earthquake could be felt over the stretch of hundreds of miles. After some time, the earth began to settle down once again. The crows felt slightly dizzy, but they were fine otherwise.

“What was that?” Inej asked slightly worried.

“That was no earthquake,” Kaz said slowly. The others looked directly at him in utter confusion. They went to follow his line of sight which settled on the emperor herself.

“Y-You don’t think,” Jesper tried to get out. He almost laughed at the nonsense idea. “There is no way that could have been her.”

“Don’t underestimate her,” Kaz ordered blankly.

“She’s bound though,” Wylan added. “She can’t use her magic because her jacket was made by a fabrikator--” Wylan’s voice was cut off.

Because it was almost like the emperor heard him talking. What shocked him the most and what made his sentence fall short was the fact that she had turned her head to look directly at him despite wearing the covering over her head. His breathe caught in the back of his throat, holding it in anticipation.

Kaz watched carefully.

Very slowly, the emperor shifted her body in order to look behind her. While it almost looked like she was now facing Matthias, the truth was that she was looking behind him and slightly upwards. Her ‘gaze’ fell on the vast structure of the Ice Court in which they had just left.

“She feeling sentimental?” Jesper wondered.

“Don’t joke. Not now,” Inej demanded of him. She watched for something.

“Why is she looking at the court though? What’s it to her?” Matthias asked. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He directed his attention back towards the court which stood in the far distance from them.

All of the sudden, Matthias could feel his heart sinking in the deep confines of his chest. The once grand walls of the court that had been known to be impenetrable had begun to crumble and collapse. If they had been closer, they were bound to hear the screams and cries of people coming from the city as the walls came crashing down around them, killing hundreds without spare.

“Oh my god,” Inej gasped, stumbling backwards slightly.

“Holy shit,” Jesper replied with wide, bulging eyes.

Wylan went to cover his mouth in utter shock and Matthias began clenching the chain tightly in anger. Because it wasn’t just the walls around the fortress that collapsed. Within seconds, the rest of the structure started to give away and cave into itself. The military stronghold was no longer there, having been reduced to ash, cloud, and debris.

Before the court was even done falling to pieces, the emperor of magic redirected her attention back to her frontside. Unlike the others, Kaz was not as fazed by her show of power. It had first been the earthquake and now the decimation of an entire city. He had known her powers to be great, but never imagined she would go to these lengths.

It wasn’t just the heat that was getting to him. Matthias began to feel a new type of rage ignite within him. This felt like a personal attack on him. That was his home for a time and despite what others may say, those were his people. Now they were gone.

His heart was filled with the thirst for revenge. He only saw red, blinding by his anger and hatred. His jaw locked in place and he bit his tongue until he could taste blood in his mouth. He tore his gaze away from the sad scene of the city, refocusing his sight on the backside of the emperor. He was seething now.

“We...cannot go on,” Matthias breathed angrily. He clarified. “She cannot.”

“Matthias,” Nina tried to reason with him sympathetically. She placed her hand on his arm which was instantly yanked out of her reach.

“This needs to end now. She needs to be silenced,” Matthias claimed.

"You’re not suggesting we just kill her here,” Jesper argued. “The whole reason we broke her out of the court was to get the bounty that would be on her head. Think of the money we will make!”

“I don’t care!” Matthias barked. “She is a murderer. She’s killed thousands.”

“We’ve all killed people,” Jesper threw out. “Not nearly as much as her, but we aren’t saints either.”

“Jesper,” Wylan warned him.

“What’s to stop her?” Matthias dropped the large metal chain into the sand. He strode directly towards Jesper, almost as if he was looking for a fight. “What’s to stop her from destroying the next city we enter and killing everyone in it?” Matthias wondered.

“She will be contained,” Jesper said through gritted teeth. He pushed back by pressing his chest against the bigger guy. “She doesn’t know what city we are going to next. She only destroyed the court because she knew she was leaving it. Plain and simple,” Jesper stated.

“Arguing won’t solve anything,” Inej interjected.

But Matthias and Jesper chose to ignore her comment.

“Are you so blinded by your own greed that you care not for the wellbeing of others?” Matthias quipped.

“Matthias,” Nina said rather loudly. “That’s enough.”

Throughout the argument, Kaz didn’t feel the need to interrupt them. He kept his eyes on the prisoner just to be safe. He halfheartedly listened to the pointless argument, dealing with the back-and-forth bickering nonsense. He didn’t care at all, at least not until...

The emperor went to turn her head to look directly at Wylan for the second time. The leader of the crows made the connection almost instantly in that moment. He glanced between the two of them.

“That’s it,” Kaz said mostly to himself. He called for the attention of the other crows which took a second because they were all still bickering amongst themselves.

The five crows looked at him expectantly, choosing to listen to what he had to say.

“Kaz,” Inej said softly on the left side. She readjusted the large chain in between her hands. She saw the slight hint of panic in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” Inej wondered.

“She showed her hand,” Kaz concluded. “She’s messing with us.”

“H-How do you know that?” Nina stuttered fearfully.

“She’s not in our heads, is she?” Wylan wondered. He shifted from one foot to the other nervously. She was still looking directly at him which made him afraid. He cowered in his place.

“No,” Kaz shook his head. “Not yet at least.”

“Then what is it?” Jesper wondered.

“Look at the chains,” Kaz ordered. “Who holds them.”

Though Matthias had let go of his behind them, Jesper and Inej were still holding onto theirs on either side. And Kaz still held onto the chain at the front of the pack. The crows were slightly confused.

“Now who did she look to?” Kaz quizzed them. Each of the crows ended up turning their heads and looking directly at Wylan who hadn’t held the chain in a while since it had been Inej’s turn.

“Does this mean--” Jesper began.

“She can see him,” Kaz concluded. “Or she knows exactly where he is.”

Now Wylan felt a sudden urge of a newfound fear and anxiety wash over him. He felt vulnerable knowing that she knew where he was despite not holding onto a chain. It shook him to his core.

“So she knows where we all are,” Jesper stated.

“Not necessarily,” Kaz pointed out. “She knows there has to be at least four of us because we each hold one of the four chains. She must have felt Inej and Wylan switching every now and again.”

“But she doesn’t know about Nina, then?” Matthias interrupted.

“Correct,” Kaz nodded. “And I’d like to keep it that way. Nina is the only one who’d come close to taking her down.”

“I’m still confused. How does she know exactly where I am? I could be standing over there and she shouldn’t know that,” Wylan said while pointing a couple feet to his left.

“I don’t know yet. We haven’t touched her. She can't hear us or see us,” Kaz listed off. He remembered some theories suggesting that she was already all-knowing, but if that was the case, they’d be dead by now.

As if the emperor was apart of the conversation, she went to adjust her gaze to face the heartrender of the group. The others shifted uneasily in their place.

“No, she definitely knows Nina is here,” Jesper pointed out.

“How is that possible?” Nina asked fearfully. “I haven’t held a chain. She shouldn’t know I’m here.”

So Kaz was forced to think it over. It was like he was trying to solve a puzzle in his brain. He racked his mind of the endless possibilities. He tried to remember everything he had read for the past three years, trying to come up with some kind of explanation.

“Heartrender,” Kaz mumbled to himself. He looked up at Nina for a second. “Looks to the heartrender. No,” Kaz dismissed his initial thought.

The other crows glanced between one another in slight confusion. They didn’t seem to understand what he was getting at. But the fear was starting to set into all of them.

“Looks...to...the...heart,” Kaz pieced it together. He spoke ever so slowly. “She feels our heartbeats. That’s how she knows exactly where we are.”

Just then, a demonic voice sounded in the back of Kaz’s mind. It was something only he could hear and it chilled him to his bone just hearing it. To anyone with sense, it would have sounded like your conscience speaking to you. Only this time, it was a very distinct voice that wouldn’t belong to any human. It could only belong to someone who possessed the magical ability to manipulate someone’s mind. And all it said was...

“Very good, Rietveld.”

TAGLIST:

@d34drapunzel @adorawritesalot @vixythepixie @theghostofshadows @lonelywitchv2 @arcadialine @zeeader @cleverzonkwombatsludge @shara-ne @iloveinej @ireallydontcareanymorebrooo @mystic-mara @missymisha @tremendoushearttaco @home-of-disaster @gh0stgirl333 @harrydimples @marina468 @phoenix666stuff

#Kaz Brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker series #kaz brekker x inej ghafa #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagine #six of crows #nina zenik #jesper fahey #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #inez ghafa

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multi-fandom-bi · 8 months

Text

I'm going on another rant, but this time I have a backstroy to it:

I was watching SoC content on tiktok (as one does) and I came across a video and in the comment section of that video somebody said that El Tango De Roxanne is Kanej coded (like Kaz's pov of Inej's time in the Menagerie) and I was intrigued so I went and listened to it and oh my god.

If you want you can go ahead and listen to the song on Spotify so you can draw your own conclusion, but this is my conclusion ( I have basically postponed this post cuz I was shocked at how well this song fits with Kanej)

In this post I wanna focus on two lines from the whole song:

"You're free to leave

Just don't deceive me"

because they are the most Kanej thing I have ever heard

Basically, if we are looking at this song as Kaz's thoughts/pov of Inej's time in the Menagerie (wich it totally is) we are hearing Kaz's thoughts on Inej's time as a slave and basically showing that Kaz is aware how bad that year was for Inej and how bad Inej wants her freedom.

The "You're free to leave me" part shows that Kaz is willing to keep true to his words: "I'm not going to be another person who will mark her (Inej)" (I don't actually know if this is the quote, cuz I couldn't find it). This part is just Kaz saying that he is going to give her the independence she deserves and the means to reach that idependence telling her that she is free from Ketterdam's shady businesses. Free from him. He's trying to tell her that he won't blame her of she chooses to never come back

The next line "Just don't deceive me", is a cousin of sorts to the saying that keeps getting thrown around in the books and that (in my opinion) is very important in Kaz's and Inej's relationship: "Better harsh truths than kind lies". This line kinda reads to me as Kaz begging Inej to just tell him the truth. If she really is going to come back in Ketterdam and that she isn't just saying that and then she never does actually go back. Kaz doesn't want to keep waiting for her, hopefull that she will come back to him and then she never sets foot on Ketterdam's docks again. After all, hope is dangerous. He doesn't want to get his hopes up, he'd rather be told straight up that she hates him and hates that city rather then being told whatever kind lies Inej may come up with. Kaz loves Inej, that's a no brainer, but he will let her go if she says that she doesn't want anything to do with him.

If you ever heard the saying "If you love someone, let them go" then these lines are basically the same thing. Kaz lets Inej go, get her freedom back, not really expecting to ever see her again because he loves her. Yes, his feelings are hurt as hell (even tho he will never admit it), but Inej is happy and when you love someone you put their happiness in front of your own. Letting them go when you know they need to be let go, hopping and praying that they love you enough to come back.

While Kaz might say he's a demon, and while that's true in some cases, as we've seen in the books, his humanity isn't completely extinguished. Especially when it comes to Inej.

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maruiin · 7 months

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Hi sorry if there are a lot of mistakes here my english is very bad but i hope you like this story

brief description:Grace kills Grisha faster then Inej and saving Brekker life

The plan went completely awry, so Inez, Kaz, and I split up in the corridor near the main hall. We needed to leave; we had already attracted enough attention, as almost no one had ever seen our faces. We especially raised suspicions, Inez and I, as there were few girls in the Darkling's guard. Silently walking through several corridors, we heard voices of soldiers and panicked, stopping in our tracks.

"We'll have to split up," Inez suggested, and I gladly agreed. Being caught didn't bring me any joy.

We turn left and then part ways. Inez goes left again down the corridor, while I go straight to the end, also turning to the left. My heart pounds in my chest like crazy, and I'm trembling slightly. This kind of venture is new to me; it's not about robbing a stall or pickpocketing from drunks. The Small Palace... If someone had told me before that I'd be running around the palace dressed as General Kirigan's guard, enacting a shaky plan to steal the Sun Summoner, or rather her theft, I would've laughed in disbelief.

But fate apparently decided to have its fun with me, and rather cruelly at that. We're just steps away from getting caught by the guards, perhaps later having a personal audience with the Darkling himself and becoming enemies of the country. This wasn't how I envisioned ending my seventeen-year-old life.

The corridors are eerily similar, all adorned with paintings, large windows, ornate frames, and... everything is so white, it's making me nauseous! I'm used to darkness, the dim light of a kerosene lamp, worn-out walls, and the lingering scent of alcohol in the air. The barrel was a second home for me, after all.

I glance around at every turn, looking back, and even trying not to breathe. Damn, I'm scared, and I feel like at some point, I might start believing in Saints again. I step softly on the red carpet, but then I stop abruptly. I hear a shout from behind, but it's not the voice of one of ours. I decide to take a look, so I carefully step back, pressing against the wall, returning down the corridor through an arched doorway.

I only manage to catch a glimpse of Kaz standing in amazement a few meters away from a Grisha. The second one, ready to attack, has a hand with flames raised. I panic, and that makes me look around. I lift my gaze to my level, turning my head to the opposite balcony where Inez stands. I see fear in her eyes. Consuming fear, wrapping around her like a cocoon, but she's already reaching for the dagger in her thigh pocket.

Hundreds of thoughts race through my mind in a second, and I snatch a dagger from my belt. I won't let Inez kill them; as long as I'm alive, that will never happen. Just like her, I've never killed people in my life. I can't raise a hand against them, knowing the same could happen to me. Inez hasn't killed because she was devout, and her faith wouldn't allow her to commit such a sin.

"I didn't kill because I was scared. Scared to see the last gaze at the sky, hear the final heavy sigh. Afraid to witness the plea in the dying eyes at the last moment. Until that point, I hadn't drawn my knife with the intent to kill. But now, it's a completely different situation. Maybe I'll regret it later, perhaps it's the adrenaline coursing through me, but I have to spare Inej from her own sin and... protect Kaz Brekker.

"No!" I shout, and I can't understand whom I'm directing this exclamation to, but I immediately release the silver dagger at Grisha, aiming for his head for some reason.

So he won't suffer.

I freeze as the blade smoothly enters Grisha's neck halfway, immediately staining the steel with thick red liquid. There will be a lot of blood. I don't move, just watch as the body falls, then shift my gaze to Brekker.

I've never seen him like this. I'm certain that in my eyes, he sees not just incomprehension and fear, but also confusion, definitely not regret. Kaz has such a peculiar look... He knew I'd never take a life. Never, under any circumstances. Kaz knew that killing is as much of a problem for me as it is for Inej. But while she can kill when faced with mortal danger, I'll either defend myself or stand frozen until a bullet or metal pierces my heart.

Kaz looks puzzled. Troubled. And agitated. He stares at me, unblinking, his mouth slightly agape in astonishment, breathing heavily. I see sweat forming on his forehead, droplets rolling down his face, probably tickling his skin, but he continues to look at me. Unwaveringly. I don't look away.

I don't know how much time passes. I have no idea when the guards will catch up with us. I just keep looking at Kaz Brekker, biting my lip out of helplessness. I start to shake. The silence is broken by Inej, leaping down from the balcony, slowly approaching Grisha's corpse. She's not at ease either. Because of the force I used to throw the dagger into the lifeless body, I lean slightly forward. So, when I stand upright again, I instinctively recoil.

A lump forms in my throat. Adrenaline begins to ebb, panic surges with renewed force.

I've taken a life.

Kaz seems to realize I'm losing it, so he starts walking towards the balcony, knowing he won't be able to reach me anyway.

"Grace..."

My name sounds distant, as if I'm enclosed in a dome, in a vacuum somewhere. I step back from the railing, and Kaz takes another step forward, as if trying to stop me. And I retreat, continuing to look alternately at Grisha's body and my friend whose life I've almost taken. Taking away someone else's.

I turn around and continue towards the emergency exit, trying to keep a mental map of the Little Palace. I hear only my own name, shouted from Kaz Brekker's lips, chasing me.

I walk briskly, to avoid being caught by Kaz and Inej, the soldiers. Descending the stairs, I hide a few times behind protrusions to evade unwanted gazes. Ahead lies the final long corridor, and at the end, a small door where Jesper is supposed to be waiting for us.

"Grace!" I hear Inej's voice very close, and I turn towards her. They've been following me all this time, trying to escape just like me. Inej, usually composed, is now breathing deeply, her eyes wide open as she catches up to me, surpassing Kaz. "Grace..."

Inej stands beside me, ready to help at any moment, while I just lower my gaze to the floor, avoiding looking at her. Kaz approaches, limping more heavily on his right leg than usual. I quickly scan him, anxiously assessing his leg and overall condition. He needs help.

"Inej, go, tell Jesper to get ready for departure, I hope he's prepared," Kaz commands, but he continues to look at me. I can feel his gaze on my forehead. Inej nods obediently and gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. For a fraction of a second, it feels a bit easier. But then, after Inej leaves, Kaz takes two steps closer to me, leaning slightly forward, trying to catch my gaze.

"Grace, listen to me..."

"I killed him," I whisper to myself, but I was certain Kaz heard. Unexpectedly, he came even closer, stepping within arm's reach.

"Grace, look at me," Brekker asks, not commands, and I only press my lips together, still not lifting my gaze. "Grace!" I can't resist any longer and raise my eyes, meeting his piercing gaze. It turns out we're closer than an arm's length. "Grace, look," Kaz slightly spreads his arms, as if urging me to take a good look at him. "I'm alive. And it's all thanks to you. You saved me, Grace." He speaks in a half-whisper to avoid being overheard.

"Or so that I would hear..."

"Now pull yourself together!"

Now he's not asking anymore — Kaz commands, circling around me and brushing my shoulder. I can only sigh deeply, clenching my hands into fists.

I might burst into tears

Part 2?

#kaz brekker x reader #kazzle dazzle #six of crows #shadow and bone #grishaverse #fanfic #kaz brekker smut #soc fanart #kaz brekker #freddy carter smut #kaz brekker x reader smut

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