#shes still there. its still easy to stay in a familiar sadness. but im reaching for hope so hard! and ive almost caught it!

[dimension20stuff]

I feel like I've grown so much as a person the past couple years but not in like...quantifiable ways. I am very proud of myself.

[wolfpawzjakey]

Prompt - It Was All a Dream.

Jercy.

Brief description - Percy wakes up in the infirmary of Camp Jupiter and thinks that he dreamed of Jason's death and funeral, but Reyna and Annabeth, who were next to him, tell him that it was real... And Jason is really dead.

I will be very glad if you answer :)

Thank you thank you 🤲🏻

So, I wrote this without editing and rereading it. Writing ideas vs actually writing is hard. I’m working thru a writing block so thank you for sending this to me because maybe I’ll actually write something in full again one day 😎 (im crying under the shades)

-

Percy wasn’t unused to death. He was well accustomed to it in fact. He’d neared it himself on many occasions. He’d killed others with him own hands and actions. Death weighed on him, but living his life meant he had no other choice but to deal. Death wasn’t a friend or an enemy, he’d always fear it but knowing its certainty had made it a more comfortable burden to have.

But this death, this death had his system on high alarm. It was too soon, too much of a surprise for him to be able to process what was happening but it was right in front of him. Here he was, watching the life drain from the eyes of his boyfriend, the person he loved the most. It was not meant to happen right now, it couldn’t be happening right now.

But now? He could feel the blood between his fingers mixed with the gritty texture of the dirt from the ground as he tried so hardly to stop it from seeping out as fast as it did. His throat and chest is filled with cement and razors as his voice reaches his own ears like he’s underwater. He can feel the blood seeping into his keens from where he kneels aside Jason’s fading body while Jason’s eyes fight to focus on Percy or anything actually. His words are distorted, he can’t even make out what he’s saying to Jason but he knows it’s filled with dead end attempts as reassurance (both directed at Jason and himself… mostly himself). And gods, the thing he feels the most is Jason’s breathing coming to a slow stop, he feels as his chest starts to shake and stutter, and how each breath becomes less frequent and more spaced apart. How his last few breaths make his chest rise so high before falling like there’s a weight holding his lungs down. Then he sees his eyes dull entirely, no longer that human like glistening that reminds you someone’s alive. He looks silently at Jason’s still body, a body that is so familiar but now so pale and dead eyed. It’s like he’s somehow looking at a stranger now, because there’s just no way that Jason would leave him like this. There’s no way. So, he just sits, hands still pressed over the no longer bleeding wound. Jason’s still warm, he couldn’t possibly be gone.

When he’s shaken from the trance he’s fallen into, all hell breaks loose. He screams and sobs, holding on as his friends desperately try to pull him off. His hands slip away from Jason’s body… and then he’s sat up, eyes frantically searching the new surroundings for the horrific scene he’d just been in. His hands are clean, he’s not wearing the clothes he was in, there’s no blood anywhere on him. And then there’s Annabeth and Reyna, they’re looking at him with concern which means he must’ve been the one in danger right? Because Jason couldn’t be dead, right?

No, no, Jason wasn’t dead. That had just been a dream, it was easy to convince himself that he’d just be able to get up and go into another room of the medical bay and Jason would be there, healing just like him if he wasn’t just out elsewhere. Of course, Jason was fine. Relief flooded his body and coursed through his veins because of course Jason couldn’t be dead. Percy has had these types of dreams again, why wouldn’t it happen now too?

“Percy?” That was Annabeth’s voice, “Perce, are you okay?”

“I think so.” He says, sigh heavy as it leaves his lungs. “I don’t feel that much pain anywhere, I think I’m okay.”

“That’s… good.” She says back, but her smile stays sad, and that’s never a good side. Reyna looks closed off too, which is also not a good sign, but he just couldn’t understand why? Had he been injured that bad? Had something gone wrong when he was?

“Percy,” Annabeth starts again, her voice is guarded and gentle, it’s not unlike Annabeth but again, it’s not usually a good sign. “I’m asking more so… are you okay? After what happened?”

What happened? Panic flashes through him, fast paced images of Jason’s lifeless body and his body all over Percy, but that, it was just a dream right? “What do you mean ‘after what happened’? Annabeth, what happened?”

Her face falls and Reyna’s darkens more than he thought it could. “Percy, I’m sorry but Jason’s dead. You were inconsolable, you fainted after we’d tried to take you away. But… he’s gone.” And Percy’s world shatters again.

He doesn’t yell and cry this time, he doesn’t struggle and nor does he get up to leave the room, he just sits there. Annabeth wouldn’t lie about this, Reyna wouldn’t let anyone lie about this. It was real. The dream in its entirety was real. The grit and slide of blood and dirt between his fingers. The iron scent of the blood that soaked into his jeans. The harsh and slowing breathing echoing through the room. It was all real.

[duxhess-kryzewan]

obi wan gets caught in a lie? can be as heavy/light as you want

A/n: hello!! im so sorry for the sudden disappearanc, but im back and will hopefully be posting regularly again!! (also, i didnt quite know how to write a scenario with him lying to satine, so hopefully this stays as true to the characters as possible)

- White Lies - 

Satine had spent a large portion of her youth biting her nails.

She knew it was a nasty habit. Aside from it being unsanitary, it was beyond improper for a lady - especially one of nobility - to do so. It was only during her time on the run with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan that she managed to stop. Partly because she was so distracted by her concern for her people, and partly because trekking through the wilderness of various planets tended to get her hands dirty.

Yet here she stood, in the middle of her Coruscant apartment, chewing absentmindedly on her nails, not caring in the slightest that years of work to break the habit had all been for nothing.

She had been on the planet for two days now, both of them consumed with Senate proposals and a barrage of questions for the neutral systems, most of which were nothing more than ploys to side with the republic. Even in the face of aggressive senators though, Satine had held her ground. While she may be a pacifist, she was still a Mandalorian, and a Mandalorian never backed down from a fight. She was no exception. There wasn't much that shook her these days.

Except, perhaps, the absence of Obi-Wan.

He had promised her he'd be there before the sun set, but the city had been shrouded in darkness for hours now and he was no where to be found. She only commed him twice - not wanting to come off as overbearing - but it was beyond unusual for him not to follow through with his word.

So she commed Padme, the only person who wouldn't question her, and asked if she had seen or heard from him.

"I haven't," The younger woman said, "Anakin hasn't came home yet for me to ask him. If I hear from either of them I'll be sure to let you know."

"Thank you." Satine said before ending the transmission.

So she paced, chewing on her nails and trying her best not to think of the worst possible scenario. He was a Jedi, she rationalized, even if something did happen he was more than capable of taking care of himself.

It didn't help ease her mind.

So when the familiar beeping of a keypad and sound of her door opening sounded through the apartment she couldn't have been more relieved.

She rushed to meet him, barely giving him enough time to shut the door before she threw her arms around his shoulders.

He cradled her against him in response, his hands winding around her tiny frame. She didn't need to be in tune with the force to feel the exhaustion radiating off of him. Yes, something had certainly happened, and it had drained him.

"Are you alright?" Satine asks, pulling away just enough to scan her eyes over him, searching for any kind of wound or otherwise out of place detail.

"I'm fine," He says, reaching out and tucking a bit of stray hair behind her ear, "It's been a challenging day. The council was relentlessly questioning Anakin and I about the events of our most recent mission and then I got tied up with him at Padme's."

Her blood suddenly runs cold, her body all but frozen in his grasp and it took her a moment to truly process what he had just told her.

She pulls away from his grasp and takes a step back, "You weren't at Padme's."

Obi-Wan pauses, mouth slightly agape, a mouthful of words he was planning on saying frozen on the tip of his tongue. If she looked hard enough she's sure she could see them dancing around, begging to be spoken out into the world.

"I commed over there Obi-Wan," She says, "You weren't at Padme's."

He already knew that, of course. His eyes always betrayed him. Not that he was keeping up the charade; he knew he had been caught. There was no point in pretending now.  

"You lied to me," Satine says, not bothering to hide the hurt and confusion in her voice, "Why would you..."

She trails off, unable to bring herself to finish the question. Obi-Wan didn't lie to her. Not ever. Faking his death aside, he had never been anything less than honest with her.

"Satine I..." He too is at a loss for words, eyes wide and full of something unfamiliar. Fear, perhaps? Worry about what the consequences of his falsehood? It makes her feel sick either way.

"Where were you?"

"Please Satine, I promise you, it wasn't anything you need worry about. You know that I would never-" He paused, suddenly unable to finish his statement.

Cheat on her? Yes, she was fairly confident that would never happen. Even in light of his lie she knows without a doubt that was a line that would never be crossed.

"No, you wouldn't." She grants, "But I also thought you would never lie to me. I thought we were honest with one another despite the consequences."

His eyes fill with sadness; a mirage of guilt that she's never seen before and if her heart wasn't already hurting she's sure it would have broken for him all the more.

"I- of course. You're right. I should have never..." He sucks in a shaky breath, "There was an incident. Two really. Bail Organa and Lothals senator were attacked by separatist assassins. They were working on your neutral systems proposal when it happened. It's suspected they wanted to sabotage your place with the Senate. I didn't want to worry you. That's all, I swear it."

Dizziness washes over her. Of course she was always at risk for an attack on her and her beliefs, and of course Obi-Wan tries to shelter her from the horrors of the galaxy despite the fact that she's keenly aware of the atrocities transpiring around her.

"Obi-Wan.."

"That's all it was Satine, I swear. I didn't want to upset you with the news."

"All the same, you lied to me. And you made it look easy Obi-Wan, like it was nothing to you."

He closes his eyes, her words hitting him like a slap in the face and its almost too much for her to bare. As if her words physically stunned him.

"I have to be a good liar, you know that. I lie to the council every time they question the nature of our relationship. I lie to them, but not to you." His voice was steady, more assured than it had been before.

"But you just did."

She wants to stop; wants so badly to calm down and forget about this, but she can't bring herself to do it. Not when it felt like her trust had been violated. There were too many people in her life - valued friends and allies - who had deceived her in the past. Her trust had began wavering amongst the people who crossed her path, but never in Obi-Wan.

He can't look at her and it both breaks her heart and infuriates her more.

"You're right," He says, "And I'm sorry. You've always had that confidence in me and I broke that trust."

"You've never lied to me before," She says, "And it matters that you did it so well, how can I-" She swallows the sudden threat of a sob, "How can I know that this was the only time?"

The words come clawing their way out of her mouth and it stung more than she could have imagined. And maybe she was being unfair; maybe he hadn't thought about how much weight such a simple lie would carry, but it hurt her in places she didn't recognize.

"You know me Satine, you know I would never lie to you about something that really mattered."​ He counters, voice laced with a twinge of frustration.

Her eyes narrow, "And what matters and what doesn't?"

They hadn't fought in months; never fought like this at all. It wasn't unusual for a snide comment to be thrown out here or there, and they certain had their fair share of disagreements, but this? This was something entirely new and she didn't know what to do with it.

"I don't know what you want me to say other than I'm sorry."

She felt dizzy. Trust was something that she valued more than anything. Obi-Wan was the last person she ever thought would betray that. Regardless of the severity of his lie, it stung more than she could have imagined.

She grabs her cloak without a second thought.

"I'm going," She states, "I need to get out for a bit."

He suddenly looks panicked, and for a moment she actually reconsiders leaving, but she knows ultimately its better for her to go calm herself down before she truly said something she didn't mean.  

​"Satine, please."

She sighs, "I'm coming back, Obi-Wan. I need to go clear my head."

"Where are you going?"

"Padme's. Back to Mandalore early perhaps."

His eyes grow sadder when she mentions the latter, "Satine…"

She's out the door before he can finish his protest.

---

The streets of Coruscant were becoming more and more familiar to her with every visit, though she would hesitate to really claim she knew her way around anywhere aside from the heart of the city. Regardless of that fact, she wandered the streets without much care.

Instinctively she wrapped her arms around herself, pressing tightly against her rib cage. It felt like her bones were about to crack open, her heart having experienced too many emotions in such a short period of time. From worry to hurt to anger. It was all too much.

She had been deceived and lied too more times than she could count. But Obi-Wan, her shining Jedi Knight, never had. Not until now.

She stops abruptly, her thoughts suddenly hitting her full force once more with his lie. It hurts her. Frightens her, even, the way her anger had crept into her mind and overtook all rational thinking.

Why would he lie to her? Why would he do the one thing he knew would break her heart more than anything else?

Because he protects you from what he thinks you shouldn't have to see.

Satine frowns, trying to shove the thought out of her mind. But it was useless. She knew it was the truth, that he had always done his best to shield her from dangers and horrors alike. In his mind, she had seen enough wicked things in her youth and endured more attempts on her life than she should have had too. Obi-Wan had always been trying, whether she realized it or not, to keep her from baring more weight.

But the question lingers in the back of her mind; had he lied to her before?

You know he hasn't, She thinks, The look in his eyes when you even suggested it was all the proof you needed.

Another ache soars through her chest. She trusted him. And when she really digs deep down in herself, she knows that she still does. Obi-Wan Kenobi is still the person she trusts most.

So why didn't the pain in her chest fade? She wasn't angry anymore, not really. The cool night air and desolate streets provided release from whatever vexations and grief burrowed within her, and yet something dismal still gnawed at her.

Then the realization hit her.

Obi-Wans absence was the source of her heartache.

She had fled, a momentary lapse in judgement in an effort to calm down, and left him standing in the wreckage of their little time together. They would have to part ways in two days time, and she had effectively cut that even shorter.

She turns around without a second thought.

--

When she steps through the door she finds him in the same spot she left him in, perched on the floor with his eyes closed, legs crossed in the all too familiar pose of meditation. It didn't surprise her. He often did so to sort out his feelings.

The sound of the door didn't cause him to move, nor did the sound of her footsteps coming towards him. He only opened his eyes when she crouched down onto the floor and all but threw herself against him.

He instinctively envelopes her in a hug, cradling her in his arms as they sat on the floor.

"I'm sorry," Satine says, nuzzling her nose against the side of his head, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," He murmurs, "I should have just told you from the start. I'm sorry to have deceived you."

She feels guilty all over again. Obi-Wan carried often carried the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. The last thing she wanted was to add to that.

"No, I-" She drops her cheek against the top of his head and tightens her hold on him, "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. It was unfair of me. I shouldn't have gotten upset and I certainly shouldn't have walked out. It was wrong on my part."

She often wonders what life would be like if they weren't so tied to their duties. If she weren't born a duchess and he not born a Jedi. If they were simply Ben and Satine, a couple tucked away in a quiet corner of the Galaxy. Would they have fights like this? Or would they bicker over mundane things? Certainly their quarrels would never be as a result of governing bodies or separatists attacks. It would be nice, she thinks, to be so carefree when they were together.

"I've never lied to you before." He tells her, gripping her hand in his own.

"I know you haven't."

"I won't do it again."

"I know."

"Do you forgive me?"

She pulls away from him, worming her way out from his arms enough to look him in the eyes.

"There's nothing to forgive my dear."

Her hands come up to cradle his face, thumbs brushing over his auburn stubble.

"I need you to say it," He tells her, covering her hand with one of his own, "For my own peace of mind."

She smiles softly, "I forgive you."

Wouldn’t she always?

[pikapikabishes]

It's Okay Now(Kirishima x gn!Reader)

Disclaimer: all characters rightfully belong to their original creators, only thing that is mine is the plot. Also do not copy my writing. Thank you

Summary: Class 3A's Y/n was having a jolly day hanging out with the BakuSquad, including her amazing bf of over 6 months, Eijirou Kirishima, even with all the stress piling up, like a shaken soda bottle ready to burst, until said explosion finally happened. Triggered by the littlest, probably stupidest event

Warnings: anxiety (?), panic attacks, not eating for days, mentions death, suggestive themes, a bit of swearing

Mentions: mental breakdown, overworking oneself, starvation, hyperventilating, ugly crying, kiri being absolutely biggest sweetheart, daddy!Kiri breifly

A/n: this is my first fic on Tumblr so please be nice, and if you enjoyed it, like and comment

Everything hurt. My head, my eyes, my chest, my mind. I don't even know what happened. One minute I'm perfectly fine, having a good time with my friends, the next I'm in this situation.

Im sitting in the middle of my dorm on the floor, crying and sobbing over the smallest thing. I admit being stressed with everything going on in my life; with upcoming school exams , training every single day to improve my ultimate moves, and the biggest clicher... my dad's passing a couple months prior.

This whole time I've just been bottling it all up, trying my hardest to put up a brave front as to not worry my mom, who already has a lot on her plate, my friends and boyfriend, Kirishima. To be frank, I haven't even told my class or Kiri, keeping a bright smile as to not hint them in on my life crashing down around me. Some days are easy to keep up my smile, to let my mind focus on something else, and then there are harder days when everything reminds me of my dad.

I was real close to him, we did a lot of fun stuff together; going to amusement parks, going out to see movies we both were really excited to watch, going out to eat at our favorite restaurants.

It still doesnt feel real after all this time. It felt just like yesterday he was perfectly fine, we were celebrating my grandma's birthday, and literally the next day, I find him stiff and eerily still in his bed. And then everything crashing down on me as the paramedics regretfully tell me that my dad was no longer of this world, when I sob into the phone to my mom that my dad was gone, when I listened to my grandma's wails as my mom told her of her son's passing.

It all felt so surreal, like if I go over to see my grandma at her house, I'll see my dad sitting there in the living room, greeting me with his smile and warm hugs and kisses.

I sob harder as I remember all the times we watched Disney movies and me crying at some scenes as my dad happily comforts me. Buying me a toy from one of the movies I adored at the time. Him gifting me a puppy when he moved into a new neighborhood and I didnt have anyone to play with.

My head's pounding, a deep pressure in my brain, as I clutch tightly to the same doll he bought me all those years ago. My screams silent as I try to keep my classmates from finding me in such a pathetic state and worrying about me, my brain not processing that everyone was still at school. I fought to take control of my emotions again, wanting to be strong for my mom, grandma, and my friends. Unknowning of the pace of my breathing as I desperately tried to grasp my emotions.

My stress and anxiety climbing higher with each panicked breath. All those late nights I stayed up studying as much as I can for the midterm exams, catching up to me. I even forsaken eating as to study so I can at least get a passing grade. And the times I didnt spend studying was spent training to try and get my mind to focus on anything rather than fully face the reality that I no longer live in a world with my dad in it.

When was the last time I had a fulfilling meal? Three days?? And the time before that?? I dont even remember, the pounding in my head preventing me from thinking too much. All I can think about is what caused this stupid meltdown in the first place, my frustrations climbing higher with my stress and anxiety.

~~~

Today was one of those days where it was hard to keep up my smile for people. In an attempt to cheer myself up, I made myself the same lunch my dad and I used to make together for later, excited to eat as this was my first actual meal in days.

As I stroll down the hallways to meet up with Kiri and the rest of the BakuSquad, someone in a rush, bumps into me full force, causing me to fall and drop my lunch on the floor. I only had a moment to grieve as I see my precious lunch splattered all over the floor before the person that bumped into me uttered a measly, rushed "sorry" before hurrying on their way, stepping my lunch in the process.

I stayed there in my position on the floor, looking at my lunch with grief. I know it was stupid to start crying over something that can be replaced with something else that Lunch Rush made, but there the crocodile tears were. My heart and mind had wanted that lunch.

Without thinking I got up and ran out of school and towards the dormitories, deaf to the calls of my fellow 3A classmates and the incoming call on my phone.

~~~

I was brought back to the present by the sound of pounding coming from my dorm door. I was still fighting for control, not able to send a reply without my sobs mixing in with my voice.

"Y/n? Are you okay?" A familiar voice sounded through the door. Of course it would be Kiri to be checking up on me. "I tried calling you to see where you were, but you didn't answer. Tsuyu told me she saw you running off upset when I went to go looking for you."

For some reason I sobbed harder, barely able to keep quiet.

"Princess/Prince, please tell me what's wrong, I'm getting really worried."

He stayed quiet for a moment, anxiously waiting for my response. And of course my body betrays me when an ugly sob wracks through my very being, unable to quiet it down.

"Princess/Prince, are you crying?!" Kiri's voice carried his panic and worry. "I'm coming in!" He warned before slamming the door open.

I barely raised my head to meet his worried crimson eyes as his giant frame took up most of the doorway, frozen. His expression falls at the sight of the giant crocodile tears running down my face, distress written all over my expression.

Without saying anything, he rushed over to my side, his big, warm hand landing on my back, immediately rubbing gentle circles as to comfort me.

"Baby, what's wrong? Tell me," he asked, voice trying to soothe me. I shook my head, unable to say or utter a word and I dropped my head again, breathing erratic. "You're hyperventilating, baby. You need to try and calm down a bit."

More sobs was the only thing I responded with. Hearing some shuffling, a moment passed before a soft calming melody sounded through the storm in my mind, along with the sound of gentle falling rain. It was the same several hour music track that I would usually listen to when something was bothering me.

I've always loved the sound of falling rain and ocean waves.

Kiri dropped his phone to the floor, letting the music wrap us in its soothing melody. He brought his hand to my cheek to gently bring my face up and face him. His expression sad as he gets a better look at my distraught, of the crocodile tears streaming down my face, of the deep sadness in my eyes.

Letting his other hand to join my face, he gently wiped away my tears as I tried to control my breathing. "Baby, you have to calm down. It's okay now, I'm here," he said in a gentle voice, bringing me up onto his lap, and wrapping his strong arms around me.

I clutch onto his uniform jacket, burying my face into his chest as I sobbed away, ruining his uniform with my tears and snot.

He gently rocked the both of us, bringing one of his hands up to my head as he softly brushed his fingers through my hair. "Shhh, baby. It's okay. It's okay," he whispered in my ear.

I don't know how long we sat there, listening to falling rain, Kiri rocking us, whispering calming words into my ear before my breathing was back to normal and my sobs turning into sniffles. Even long after I've calmed down, Kiri still held onto me tightly, grounding me from the storm whirling in my mind.

Only when I lifted up my head from his chest to look up at him did he give me a soft smile, reaching up to brush away strands of hair from my face and eyes. Then, Kiri reached over to his phone, pausing the music before turning back to me.

"Feeling better?"

I slowly nodded my head, my voice hoarse as I finally managed to give a reply, "Yeah, a little bit."

"What happened back there?" Kiri asked, his brow furrowed in worry.

Tears were already welling up in my (e/c) eyes, my bottom trembling as I fought to hold back the tears. Kiri reached up one hand to hold my chin, his thumb softly brushing my bottom lip.

"Please baby, I hate seeing you so distraught," he told me, eyes full of concern as he continued to stroke my bottom lip, as if trying to coax the words to come out, to explain what was paining me so much so he can fix it.

"I-" I stuttered, sniffling back the tears. "I miss him."

"Miss who, baby?" Kiri asked, confused.

"M-my dad," I said, voice now shaky as the tears started falling again. "I m-miss him so much."

Kiri seemed to come to the conclusion that I might have only been extremely homesick. "Why dont you go visit him today then? It's Friday, so you can just stay with him for the weekend."

I violently shook my head. "I-I can't."

"Why not, baby?" He started stroking my back again to try and comfort me.

"H-he died! Two months ago!" I sobbed, pressing my face to his chest again.

"Oh fuck. Shit, I am soo sorry baby. Why didn't you tell me?" Kiri asked, hugging me tightly to him. "I would've been there for you."

"I-I didn't w-want to w-worry y-you," I cried.

Kirishima started rocking us both again, his grip on me tighter as if trying to hold me together. "Of course I'm going to be worried baby. I have been worried about you. I noticed you've been distancing yourself for a while now, but I didn't want to make you talk when you weren't ready. God, I'm so unmanly, not realizing that you were in so much pain all this time." He placed his hand on top of my head. "I am sooo sorry, baby."

I sniffled, shaking my head. "D-Don't be. I w-was the one who d-decided not to t-tell any of you g-guys. I-it's not your f-fault."

"But why didn't you tell us baby? You know we all would've been here for you."

I shrugged. "I-I just wanted to be s-strong for y-you guys. I d-didn't want to w-worry any of you."

"Oh, babe." He pulled back enough to look at me. "You are strong. But it's okay to lean on us, on mee. Just because you're crying, doesn't make you weak. You're mourning, and its okay to cry when you're mourning. It just shows how close you are with your dad and how much you're missing him."

"But... But it feels like my fault though," I cried.

"What do you mean?" His brows furrowed again in confusion.

"I... I was there that night. The night he passed." I wiped at the tears even though it was fruitless with how the tears continued to fall. "We were all happily celebrating my grandma's birthday. We were all laughing. And I went to sleep a bit late that night. I noticed how his was position in his bed when I got up to use the bathroom, but I didnt think any of it. My dad sits in that position sometimes, and I know that he goes to sleep way later than me. And when I woke up at 11 the next morning because of my grandma calling for me, I got up to see what she needed. You remember, that my grandma cant really move around that well anymore?" I asked him.

Kiri nodded his head, remembering that I helped my grandma when the two of us had dinner with my dad and grandma. "So when I got up and headed towards her room, I saw my dad in the same position. But figured he must've just fallen asleep... Then I went to use the bathroom after helping my grandma, and when I looked closer, I noticed how swollen his feet were. I... I knew my dad was always sick and his legs getting swollen all the time, but... I-I just didnt think I'd find him like that." I cried, covering my mouth as another sob wracked threw me. "Vomit... All over the blankets and his bierd... A blood clot hanging from his nose-"

"Shhh, its okay, baby" Kiri hushed me, rubbing my back, "If it's too much for you, you don't have to explain anymore."

After waiting for my breathing to stabilize again, I continued, "I... I just feel like if I had checked up on him before I went to bed... Maybe... Maybe the paramedics would've been able to save him..."

Kiri grabbed onto my shoulders to pull me away so as to look me dead in the eyes with a stern look. "Y/n, listen to me. It is not your fault," he said firmly. "Okay? It is not your fault. Sometimes these things happen."

"But-" I started, but he cut me off.

"No but's. Okay? I know I havent known him as long as you, but I could tell from the first time I met him that he was soo proud of you. And probably still is." His words made me cry harder, my bottom lip trembling again as I tried to pull myself together in front of this amazing man in front of me. "There's no need to beat yourself up over this," Kiri said, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I started bawling my eyes out again. Kiri started rocking us again, holding me tight as I let out all my sadness and anguish.

"Shhhh... It's okay... Everything's will be okay..." He mumbled in my ear. "Let it all out."

We stayed like that for the next hour as I let out all my suffering, the scent of his cologne, the comforting words, and the sound of the music track all lulling me to sleep, my mind and body too heavy to fight it off.

~~~

I woke up to a dark room, the sun long gone over the horizon. I blearily blinked my eyes open, feeling my tears dried over the skin of my cheeks. All of a sudden, a warm hand slides under my shirt, rubbing a thumb on my stomach. A face was then buried into the back of my neck, a soft pair of lips kissing at the skin.

"Morning beautiful/handsome," came Kiri's sleep filled voice

"Mmnn what time is it?" I mumbled.

Kiri pulled away for a moment, turning to reach behind him for presumably his phone on my nightstand. Squinting at the glare of the phone, Kiri gave me an answer, "7 o'clock at night, so its just about dinner time." Dropping his phone back onto the nightstand, he resumed his position of spooning me, completely dwarfing my body with his giant frame. "You haven't ate lunch right?"

I shook my head. "Or breakfast. Or dinner last night. Or any meals for the past few days."

"What?" Kiri shot up, glaring down at me. "And the time before that?"

I shrugged, my brain too drained to think of a solid answer. "Couple days."

"Y/n!"

"I know, I know. I shouldn't be skipping my meals everyday. I should eat at least once a day."

"Is that why you look thinner? Cause you've been skipping your meals??!"

I shrug at him. "I was busy studying for the midterms. Besides I never went 3 days without eating something."

"That's not the point!" Kiri rubbed his hand down his face before looking at me with worry. "You shouldn't be skipping any meals or overworking yourself like this." He reached over to brush a lock of hair away. "Babe, my heart hurts at the thought of you not taking care of yourself."

I place my hand on top of his, leaning into his touch. "I know... I'm sorry. I didnt mean to worry you like this. I just... couldn't come to terms with reality so I busied myself to make me forget the pain. On the bright side I came up with this new, awesome ultimate move I've been dying to show you," I said with some excitement, trying to cheer him up.

He scowled sternly at me for a moment before sighing, shaking his head, any trace of worry and frustration gone from his face as a small smile took over his lips. "Alright fine." But then the stern look came back as he firmly told me, "But I'm not letting you skip any meals anymore, even if I have to force you to eat. And you're not doing no studying or training this weekend."

"Wait, but-" I tried to counter, stopped when the stern look in his eyes intensified.

"No if's, and's or but's. Unless its yours up in the air as I fuck you so hard you wont be able to do anything this weekend but relax."

I blushed and swallowed loudly. "Good, now wait here while I go get you a plate. Bakugou's supposed to be cooking tonight." He leaned down to plant a kiss on my lips. Then another. Then another and another before pulling away only slightly to look into my eyes with that familiar dark look in his eyes, a smirk forming on his handsome face. "Maybe I should grab you two plates. You're going to need it for fuel for tonight."

My faced burned as I realized what he meant. He chuckled darkly before standing up and walking towards the door. "I'll be back in a few. And you better be stripped down to nothing by the time I get back." Turning back towards me with a seductive look. "Don't you worry about a thing, baby girl/boy. Daddy's going to take real good care of you this weekend." Then he opened the door and stepped out, closing the door behind him.

I gulped loudly, already feeling that familiar heat down below.

It was going to a long weekend.

[curious-menace]

Okay so, may I request Arkham Knight Riddler x hero reader? Reader (reluctantly) works with Batman. And since Brice is super busy with everything else, reader takes care of Riddler and Catwoman. And then it’s the end, it’s time to defeat him, when Ed finally finds out he’s been battling reader all night, not Batman. But reader tries her best to be kind about it and not hurt him like Batman does, maybe talk to him like a person, not a criminal.

i had so many ideas??? but couldn't get them down on paper????

Arkham Riddler X hero reader

Batman is...not happy about your connection to riddler. he tries to understand, he really does but he just doesn't get it. he hopes riddler can change, maybe this time, with you it would be possible. but he still thinks riddler needs to pay for his crimes, even with your help he fully intends to arrest him. if you two dont agree, id advise keeping it to yourself or he might not let you help 

 you dont really want to do this. you know how much it will hurt edward, how much it will damage your relationship . you feel like batman is taking advantage of your connection with edward to reel him in. But ultimately bats convinces you; he says it will be easier on riddler to have someone who loves him talk him down than it will for bats himself to do it. unfortunately you have to agree.

 when you show up instead of bats at the first meeting, Riddler is pissed. He nearly doesn't let you in, nearly offs catwoman right then and there. He’ doesnt recognise you in costume, but something about your voice is familiar. SOMEHOW you talk your way into the orphanage and to be frank catwoman isn't happy to see you either, even after you explain the situation. you’re really starting to feel like the bad guy here.

Bats takes care of the trials, since he’s the only one who can drive the batmobile, but he’s depending on you to stay with selina. the puzzles in the orphanage aren't easy, especially the weighted plate one . even with your costume and all the equipment bats gave you, you and selina together are still too light. you come up with the idea to use some of the defeated riddler bots as extra weight. riddler himself is actually pretty impressed by that, it was an ingenious solution and he cant even get mad because he was the one who gave you them to fight in the first place.

its  sad for you to see him become gradually more unhinged as the night wears on. Selina knows you, she knows you care about him , even if she makes cruel jokes about it. she understands the attachment to someone who is...unavailable. when you two have a quiet moment alone, she tries to comfort you, make you see this is going to end badly so you don't get too hurt by the inevitable. 

When the final fight comes he’s pretty broken. you and selina pull him from that mechsuit and toss him across the floor. you obviously don't want to hurt him, but if you didn't get him outta there he’d likely hurt himself. He just sort of sits on the ground, already defeated and expecting  you to deliver the final blow in a “what the hell are you waiting for “ kind of way. you cant talk him down like this, he wont listen to you while you’re wearing that mask.

the only way you have even a SLIM chance of getting through to him is to take it off.  It’ll hurt you to reveal your secret, its going to destroy him. Selina sees you reaching for it and tries to stop you but you tell her you have to, its the only way.

edwards expression when he sees your face is one of horror and betrayal. he cant walk after that fight, so he just scoots back on the floor trying to put distance between the two of you. he keeps muttering “i dont believe it. i dont understand “ and “ this cant be.”  he’ll shout things like “how could you?!”. selina will excuse herself to give you two some time alone. 

riddler will be shouting, probably too upset to listen to your side of the story. don’t be afraid to shout back. if you say the right words, he’ll quieten down. 

i think, when he sees your face, the fight will leave him. he’s so very tired and now? seeing even you take someone elses side? he just cant anymore, somethings got to change but for now he just needs to be sad. he’ll go very quiet and say something like “just...take me home.” what happens next is up to you. 

if you chose to help batman, bats will let you ride in the back of the batmobile with edward. He’ll let you tag along to the gcpd and even let you stay by him in the holding room. he draws the line at letting you into the villains timeout tank, but that’s mostly for your safety. with your identity out there, he cant risk letting you near people like cobblepot or slade. 

If you chose to run with edward, it’s success will depend on Selina’s help. Selina is PRETTY pissed about what ed put her through. but, as a favor to you for helping her, shes willing to give you both a head start from the cops and maybe distract batman. 

i dont know if edward will forgive you. He’s...glad. glad it was you who got to him and not batman, whatever you chose to do after. he apreciates how you chose him over your secret, chose to try and talk him down instead of kicking 50 shades of shit out of him . poor boy already has trust issues, hes glad that even though you could have hurt him and gotten away with it thanks to the mask, you chose not to, he wont forget that in a hurry.

 depending on your chose, apreciates you giving up everything to try and be with him OR apreciates you bringing him in to try and get him help. hes obviously not happy with the way things went but i dont know if the anger is focused on you or just the situation in general. 

things aren't going to go back to normal with you two. he just cant coalesce the thought of you betraying him by siding with batman, to the thought of you giving up everything to be with him. he loves you and he’s sure you love him too but...he just needs some time to process.

i think, ultimatly he’ll decide he doesnt need to forgive you. you didnt do anything wrong and even though he’s still upset he knows your heart was in the right place. He’ll be pissed with batman for manipulating you into doing this but as long as you still love him, depsite everything, he’ll be willing to overlook it

he will ask you to never put that mask on again thought. he has a purple domino mask you can wear if you really want to. ;)

boy that was another long one. i think i write too much haha.

got something you’d like to ask me? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[empiresmostwanted]

Hi!! From that quote prompts list, a few that stood out for me were “it’s a brutal world” and “what are you humming?” for Rex? Im imaging either a mechanic/civilian reader or a shiny new clone trooper is accompanying the 501st on an off-world mission and they are sitting by the campfire late at night, a little shaken by the battle earlier in the day. Rex notices and goes to comfort them, and perhaps there is a singing motif??

Also! I loved Sabacc Face and im making my way though your other works this weekend 💕

Thank you so much @maulpunk for the prompts 😘

I'm sorry it took me so long to write, work has done a number on me this last week or so. Grrr. But I was happy to get back to writing this, although I must apologise for straying a little from the parameters of the request (it turned out to be a little too angsty for a singing motif, oops). I hope you like it all the same!

(P.S. Thank you so so much, I'm thrilled you liked Sabacc Face. It was a lot of fun to write, I hope it was just as fun to read!)

posted on AO3 | the prompt list | my writing

Words: 1.5k | Warnings: Post-Umbara Arc, Grief/Mourning, Angst (and lots of it, sorry-not-sorry), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, a certain Besalisk's name is briefly mentioned (okay, I am sorry for this one)

GHOSTS IN THE UMBRA

20BBY

☾

CT-0292 couldn't sleep. When he closed his eyes, rounds of blue plasma bolts flashed through the darkness behind his lids. Hands, his own hands, held a DC-15 carbine aloft, and one single finger under his control pressed on the trigger, mowing down the Umbarans in their disguises.

But they hadn't been Umbarans. They'd been his brothers.

A strangled sound escaped him, somewhere between a gasp and a sob that he caught in his throat. His chest ached with the effort to hold it, the urge to release it. And it ached as if his brothers had occupied a place there, the loss of them leaving the muscles of his heart to constrict around empty space.

He blinked away sharp tears, then pushed off the weighted blanket – its presence more suffocating than soothing – and climbed out of his rack. He gathered up the armour stacked in a neat pile from the foot of the bunk's frame and applied it, piece by piece, from foot to neck.

If he couldn't sleep, he might as well be useful. He'd never been very good at keeping still.

Around him, his brothers lay in their cots; some slept, restless, while others remained painfully conscious. From his own squad, only himself, Wil (Private), and Ridge (Private) remained. The others, along with their sergeant, had fallen to General Krell's lightsaber.

All was quiet. And Ridge was nowhere to be seen.

0292 shook his head, lightheaded, the back of his neck prickling. After checking his blaster was fastened to his belt, he tucked his helmet under one arm and crept through the rows of bunks like a ghost, leaving the sterile barracks behind.

For a moment, he stopped outside the blast doors as they sshhed to a close behind him, and took a deep breath. Had he caught the scent of rain and salt water in the air, it might have grounded him; but this planet was as unfamiliar to his nose as it was to his eyes and ears. With the tang of metal in his nostrils and on the tip of his tongue, he set off across the floodlit compound.

Beyond the sensor wall, he spotted the warm glow of a natural fire flickering in the perpetual dusk, its light peeking through the mist and the dense formation of local flora. He frowned. Patrol taking a break, perhaps?

CT-0292 made his way to the airbase's entrance. As he approached the gate, he passed skeletons of Umbaran machinery looming out of the fog, and squads of troopers pacing as silent as wraiths.

The planet was reclaimed, but no one had come out of the campaign unscathed.

At the gate, two troopers bearing the colours of the 212th stood guard, blasters held across their bodies, and faced the darkness beyond. With the sight of their armour came a fresh wave of guilt, at once hot and cold, that settled in the pit of his stomach. He cleared his throat upon approach; one started as if he'd been shot, and the other patted him on the shoulder.

"Easy, trooper," said 0292, holding out a placating hand. "Just passing through, lending a hand to patrol. That them over there?"

They followed the direction of his pointer finger, to the small fire burning gold in the gloom. The one coiled as tightly as he himself nodded, and turned back to him. "They're taking it in turns to sweep the perimeter."

"Thanks." He inclined his head, and stepped over the threshold of the airbase.

As his footsteps tapped a muffled rhythm into the damp earth, the chill air cooled the sheen of sweat on his forehead, and pressed cold fingers to the nape of his neck. With a shiver, he donned his helmet and activated its spot-lamp, before succumbing to Umbara's gloaming.

*

CT-0292 walked through the forest of Zabrak Spines, their bioluminescent ridges reaching towards the sky and cutting through the umbra like angry wounds. The glow of giant red thorns shrouded the woodland in an unsettling pallor.

Every small noise was amplified in the stillness around him: the snapping of twigs beneath the feet of tiny creatures, the whooshing of spectral wings overhead, and what seemed like footsteps somewhere behind him, approaching – but when he looked over his shoulder, there was nothing there. Each sound sent a spike of cortisol through his body, and he tried not to hyperventilate to the beat of his pulse.

The immediate threat from the Umbarans had been neutralised. But he and his brothers had found out the hard way that this shadowy world kept its secrets close.

You're out of the woods when you're out of the woods, his instructor back on Kamino used to say. It had seemed redundant to him then.

"What's that you're humming, trooper?"

He nearly jumped out of his skin. He looked back and came face-to-face – or helmet-to-helmet – with Captain Rex materialising out of the fog, easy to identify by the jaig eyes and the modified armour.

The captain removed his bucket, brow furrowed in concern, and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Relax. I didn't mean to startle you," he said with a smile that did not reach his eyes. "It sounded familiar, the song you were humming."

"I didn't realise I was humming it aloud," the trooper admitted, face heating as Captain Rex fell into step beside him. "I was thinking of my instructor, back at the facility: she smuggled her own radio into Tipoca, and she'd play it for us during downtime. That one was her favourite, I think. I don't know the words, though. Just the tune."

"Ah."

They walked for a way in companionable silence, each lost to their own thoughts. Confronted once more with the familiar face of his brothers, CT-0292 replayed the moment of terrible realisation, and the skirmish with Krell. The Jedi – if one could even call him that – might have been dealt with on a permanent basis, but his reach would extend far beyond his death.

"Couldn't sleep, either?" asked the captain, dragging him out of his own memories.

He shook his head.

Rex sighed. "It's a brutal world out there."

CT-0292 couldn't be sure if he was referring to Umbara, or the entire galaxy. 

"I admit," he began, "I wasn't expecting to kill other people. I've been training to take down and disable battle droids for nearly ten years, and I thought I was ready, but this …"

It didn't even begin to cover the atrocity of slaughtering his own, knowingly or not.

They heard the voices of their brothers before they saw them, hushed and sombre. Upon stepping out of the forest, they found themselves in a small clearing, lit from above by towering plants, incandescent with pink and purple and blue light, and lit from within by a humble campfire. At least ten troopers were gathered around it, talking in lowered voices amongst themselves.

Rex came to a halt on the edge of the clearing, and stopped 0292 with a hand on his arm.

"If it's of any comfort," he said, "every one of us here is feeling the same right now. No campaign is easy, no life lost is worth less. But this mission has taken its toll more than any other. You say you're not ready, but I recognise the blue bird painted on your bucket. I saw you take charge of your squad when Sergeant Jax was killed, and you kept the rest of them alive. There might well be a promotion coming your way."

A promotion. He'd always harboured the hope of making his way up the ranks, proving his worth and ability along the way. Seeing the captain in action, the way he was respected and admired, had only solidified that desire. But he hadn't entered the GAR as a sergeant, or a captain. It had never really occurred to him before now that someone would have to die for him to take their place.

But he nodded, and said, "Thank you, Captain."

"What's your name, trooper?"

"CT-zero-two-ni—"

"Your name, trooper," Rex clarified. The smile on his lips belied the sadness in his eyes.

CT-0292 removed his helmet. "It's Vaughn, sir. My batchmates called me Vaughn."

"Then welcome to the five-oh-first, Private Vaughn. Over there are your brothers. It won't always be easy, but whatever happens, we look out for each other. And I know you barely got to see General Skywalker in action, but I can promise you that he – and Commander Tano – are nothing like Krell. You'll see."

"Thank you, sir."

Captain Rex clapped him on the arm, then strode off across the clearing, towards the campfire. Vaughn followed, kicking up the smell of damp earth and decaying foliage, sickly sweet in his nostrils. He was pleased to see his squadmate, Ridge, among the ranks of troopers around the flames, and another who'd introduced himself as Sterling just one rotation prior.

"Room for two more, boys?"

☽

Thank you so much for staying to the end! Even though I enjoy reading some good ol' angst, it's definitely tricky to write, so it was nice to stretch those muscles for this prompt. Hope you liked it 💜

[izukubuns]

hi!! is it alright if i can req for a scenario where shouto slowly realizes he has feelings for his childhood friend?? everyone would know that the two are pining for each other but shouto is just a lil oblivious to his feelings and his friends ;v; i hope this was specific enough!! sorry if its a bit vague;;

.:it was always you:.

warnings: shouto being oblivious, light angst

word count: 2.8k

a/n: LMAO IM SOOOOOOO SORRY THIS SPIRALED. no but truly i got emotional, so sorry if it isn’t what you wanted. im definitely willing to write another, fluffier version of this prompt in the future, though. thank you for requesting <3

“kou?”

“s-shou..”

“huh? i can’t hear you.”

your tiny hands rested on your hips as you tilted your head in confusion. you were at the grocery store, your mother was talking to a friend. this friend of hers had a child as well, and your mother had insisted that you make a friend. fine, no problem. little ol you loved making friends. todoroki, however-

“shouto!” he yelled. you were currently in todoroki’s face, your nose just a couple inches from his. he wasn’t sure why you were so close, your eyes locked on his. you blinked, then finally smiled. “oh, well why didn’t you say it before! i’m (y/n)!” you were missing a front tooth. todoroki couldn’t help but notice, and it made him laugh a little.

“ma says you’re the same age as me. that means we should be friends, right?” you said, looking at your mother, then back at the boy in front of you. “i wanna play with you, shou!”

playdates became frequent. whenever the two women would meet, they’d bring you and todoroki along with them. more often than not, your playdates were at the park. you were more rowdy than your candy cane haired friend, almost always scraping your knees for the sake of “adventure”. you had even fallen out of a tree once, resulting in plenty of scrapes and bruises.

“(y/n)! are you okay?! m-mom!” todoroki would panic, calling out for help. you’d just smile at him, always getting up and brushing it off like it was nothing. “it’s okay, shou! i’m strong! it doesn’t hurt!” there were tiny tears in your eyes, but todoroki ignored them. if you said you were strong, then he believed you.

“we’re both gonna be awesome heroes, remember? that means you’re strong, too, shou.” you’d always call him strong, pick him back up when he needed it. when really, you had always been the stronger of the two. while all might was his idol, he swore to himself that he’d become as strong as you, too.

todoroki wanted to follow you everywhere.

until eventually, the todorokis stopped showing up.

you’d always ask, “ma, how come i don’t get to see shou anymore?” “is that auntie rei on the phone? can i talk to her and shou?”

“rei and shouto are busy with their family. we’ll get to see them soon,” your mom would say, smiling and holding your hand. her smile never reached her eyes. “i miss shouto, ma. isn’t auntie rei your friend? don’t you miss her too?”

she inhaled sharply, looking anywhere but at you. “of course, baby. i miss her so much. but we’ll get to see them. another time.”

however, your mother knew that there was a large possibility that you wouldn’t see rei or shouto for a long time.

*:..｡∞♡∞｡..:*

the next time you saw todoroki, he almost didn’t recognize you. if he was being honest, he barely remembered you. after all those years that his father had put him through, he’d blocked out many things from his past.

when he first saw you again, it was the first day of class. you were talking to some classmates, your back turned to him. unconsciously, he stared at your figure, trying to figure out why you seemed so familiar. he didn’t snap out of it until he saw mina pointing at him and smiling, drawing the attention of the others. it seemed like an eternity before you finally turned around. but when you did, oh when you did.

he felt like he’d gotten the wind knocked out of him. his memories came rushing back to him as if he was on the brink of death, watching his life flash before his eyes. you grew up... quite nicely. and you were powerful, he observed.

todoroki watched as your eyebrows furrowed and your mouth fell slightly open. you moved to come closer, but then aizawa entered, ordering everyone to sit down. you sat behind midoriya, so your seat wasn’t too far from his, which resulted in him staring at the back of your head. about a week into the new school year, you finally confronted him at lunch, confirming both his and your suspicions.

“todoroki, huh? never knew you were the son of such a big shot,” you said. todoroki’s usual blank expression twisted into a frown. “whatever. it’s not a big deal.”

you flinched at the harsh dismissal of your statement, but quickly gathered yourself. “it’s funny to see you after such a long time. you really disappeared on me. my mom missed you, too,” you admitted, hoping to shift the mood. however this only upset him further, much to your confusion. he snorted, keeping his head down towards his food.

as the days went on, you prodded, trying to get him to open up, only for him to reject, or simply ignore you. this wasn’t the shouto you knew all those years ago. shouto was never this abrasive. while you two acted as normal classmates, your attempts to get him to open up were futile. though a while later, you’d soon discover the reason for his actions.

he’d admitted his past to you after the sports festival. ever since his confrontation with midoriya, he felt bad for the way he treated you. none of this was your fault, he thought. you had made him happy at one point, so why was he trying to pretend like you were a nuisance? just looking at you had frustrated him.

though, looking at you didn’t actually make him mad, it made him sad. his father had taken him away from you so soon, too soon. he wasn’t allowed to see his first and only friend. he couldn’t help but let his negative emotions take over after seeing you all these years later.

after battling with his inner self, todoroki finally resolved to apologize to you.

“my past doesn’t matter. my actions… were uncalled for. you don’t have to forgive me. i was–“

“todoroki, it’s okay. thank you for telling me. i’m glad, actually. i was worried about you. though, i would like it if we could be friends again,” you smiled that ridiculously gentle smile, making his heartbeat speed up. why was he nervous? you didn’t make him nervous.

in fact, you had always made him feel strong. safe. he used to feel like he could do anything when you two were together.

not nervous.

the two of you started growing close again soon after. while you were good friends with midoriya, iida, and uraraka as well, they noticed that you and todoroki were different.

they noticed how he’d keep his eyes on you, no matter who was talking. todoroki didn’t stare longingly at them like that. whenever you needed something like a pencil or an eraser, todoroki had already slid one onto your desk before you could even turn around. todoroki didn’t care for them like that.

they noticed how frantic he was when he couldn’t find you during the training camp incident. how he only calmed when they found you, when you assured him that you would be alright.

but most importantly, todoroki smiled at you. he couldn’t help himself. he didn’t realized how much he missed your presence. now, you were even better than before. you weren’t just brave, you stayed true to your word and became strong. he learned this all too quickly when you promptly caught him off guard and kicked his ass during training. he wasnt just impressed, he was proud of you. not only that, but you were kind. you stayed as warm as you were back then, especially towards todoroki himself. not that he’d notice.

not when he was busy smiling like an idiot.

midoriya, ever observant, was positive that todoroki didn’t realize he was doing it. he’d stop smiling as soon as his attention was off of you. sure, he smiled every once in a blue moon, but never directly at someone. especially not like that.

ya know, the longing stare, the soft smile that was reserved for you and you only. yeah, his friends knew he was in deep. when they’d confronted him about it, he was just confused.

“i’m not sure i understand. i behave that way with the rest of you, don’t i?” he inquired. uraraka sighed. “no, todoroki, you don’t. you don’t get all goo goo eyed for the rest of us.”

“goo goo eyed? what does that even mean?”

“it’s when you get all ‘uwahh’ for someone when you see them! it’s like–“

“uraraka, let me try to explain!” midoriya interrupted, worried that she’d confused him even more. he sighed before he began. “todoroki, what do you think of (y/n)?” he said slowly.

“i think they’re nice. they’re skillful in battle, and their grades are good, as well. they’d make a great hero. they’re always thinking of others, and putting someone else first. though, i wish they’d take care of themselves as well. it’s easy to tell when they’re not feeling well, but they wont admit it. th–“

“okay, stop,” midoriya interrupted, unable to bear his friends lovesickness. “now what do you think of iida?” “iida’s a reliable comrade. you are as well.” the group waited for him to go on, but that was it. midoriya almost facepalmed while iida sighed. todoroki just outed himself and still didn’t realize?

he frowned at his friends’ reactions. “did i say something wrong?” todoroki asked. uraraka smiled at him. “no, you actually said everything right.” this only confused the boy further. iida cleared his throat, looking todoroki in the eye. “todoroki, you’ve known (y/n) for a long time, right?”

“you could say that, yes.” “have you ever thought about... kissing them?” todoroki literally choked on air. kissing? you? no, he hadn’t, not even when you were kids. just like now, you two were thinking about becoming heroes back then. now that you two were even closer to accomplishing your dreams, that was the furthest thing from his mind. well, until now.

“what about hugging them?” iida pressed further. now that he was being questioned directly, todoroki finally thought about it. thought about you smiling at him, wrapping your arms around him. he thought about your laughter being reserved for him only. he thought about how your hands would fit in his.

todoroki thought about everything.

he found himself smiling, cheeks hot. but... he wasn’t using his quirk? this was quite the odd feeling to him, but the warm thoughts of you weren’t unwelcome. he bit his lip to keep the smile from growing even wider.  “todoroki?” uraraka said, bringing his attention back to his friends. he cleared his throat and looked away, embarrassed. he felt… exposed. they were all smiling at him, like they knew something he didn’t. it was midoriya that spoke the words that todoroki was absolutely not ready to hear.

“todoroki, you like them. as more than a friend. and we think you should give it a shot when you’re ready.”

*:..｡∞♡∞｡..:*

he definitely wasn’t able to sleep that night. actually, for a few nights. at first it was due to his constant thoughts of you, but then his sleep schedule started to worsen because of school, stress, the usual. it was particularly bad one night, so he decided to wander in his room. later, todoroki found himself walking into the kitchen, only to find you.

of course it was you.

you didn’t notice him at first, with how quiet he was. you were still in your bed clothes, getting a glass of water. when you finished you finally turned to see him, eyes widening in surprise. “sho– todoroki?”

“oh… hello.”

“as quiet as ever, huh?” you leaned against the counter to sip your water. “couldn’t sleep?”

todoroki nodded wordlessly. moving to stand beside you, both of you staring ahead at nothing in particular. he was a bit uneasy after what his friends had made him realize. he’d thought of a million different scenarios since then. “you know, i’ve missed you,” you started. he jerked his head up to look at you, quicker than he’d intended.

you smiled, closing your eyes to think for a bit. “i was really sad for a long time when you and auntie rei stopped coming to see us. my mom and i, that is.” todoroki kept his eyes on you, taking in your profile as you spoke.

“i never forgot what we said, though. that we were gonna be strong and become heroes? i’m glad. i never would’ve seen you again if i had given up,” you said with a smile.

“i know we’re gonna be busy and everything as pro heroes. helping people, ya know? of course you do. i just… don’t want you to disappear again. i really wish i could’ve been there with you. i hate the thought of you suffering alone. being alone. at least, when we’re older, call every now and then, okay?”

todorokis chest started to ache. you’d told him that you were glad to see him again before. but saying you missed him? did you have any idea how much weight that held over his heart?

“i know we were just kids, but you were always important to me. i...” you trailed off. finally, you looked up at him with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “i kinda had a crush on you back then. funny, right?”

no. not funny. not at all. “i thought that maybe we could get married and be a perfect duo. both of us the number one heroes,” you said with a laugh, putting your cup down. todoroki still had his eyes on you, not believing his ears. his face was growing hotter. and hotter.

“i was even going to propose–“

his left side burst into flames.

you jumped backed, arms held in front of you, “todoroki?!” was he upset by what you said? did you set him off by talking about his childhood again?

once he realized what was happening the flames were immediately gone. todoroki looked at your protective stance, guilt punching him in the stomach. now, of all times? he could have hurt you. he never would’ve forgiven himself.

“(y/n), i’m so sorry, i do–“ he was breathing fast, too fast. “todoroki, slow down. dont apologize. im the one who should be apologizing. it was something i said, right?” you asked, cautiously coming closer. todoroki looked into your eyes. he searched for any sign of fear, disgust, but god damn it, it wasn’t there. only genuine concern they were still the kind eyes you always had. why, why were you so damn nice?

“it is what you said. what if…” his mouth was moving faster than his mind.

“you had a crush on me back then, but… what…” he looked at his feet, searching for the words, before looking back at you. you came even closer, looking at him. you silently asked him to continue. “what if i... have a crush on you now?”

your eyes grew wide, but you stayed silent. todoroki didn’t know what to do but spew more of his jumbled thoughts.

“hugging you... k-kissing you?” he hated how weak he sounded, repeating his friend’s words from before. “i want to. i want to do it, but...” slowly you reached up to stroke his hair, pushing it away from his eyes. you remembered how he liked the touch. you waited for him to tell you to stop or flinch away, but all he did was grab your arms and hold them gently. he brought them down, still holding them, as if you’d disappear if he let go. his grip shifted to your hands, as did his gaze.

“im so... damaged. i dont wanna force you to deal with me. the way i am... i don’t think i’m good enough for you. you’ve always been amazing. you’re so perfect. but i want to do these things with you. i want to be as close to you as possible, i just don’t know how, i–”

“hey, shou.”

he paused. shou. that’s right, you hadn’t called him that in years. yet, he felt his body relax and his nerves dissipate. “it’s okay. you were hurt. you’re still hurting. if i didn’t want anything to do with you, i wouldn’t be here, now would i?” you said quietly, trying your best to calm him. he shut his eyes, relaxing into your touch. his shaky breathing slowed.

“im far from perfect, ya know. i’m the one not sure if i’ll be good enough for you. but if you’ll have me, i’d be glad.”

you? not good enough for him? never. never in a million years. he couldn’t believe it took him so long to realize that he’d been craving you. he’d tried so hard to be content by himself. then, midoriya came along with the rest of his friends, picking him up bit by bit. yet, he was still missing something. you, you were his final piece.

yeah.

it was always you.

[babybackstage]

someone like you..

 {wrote a fanfic after ages, im rusty so its average}

 ‘I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited.

but I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it,

I had hoped you’d see my face and that

you’d be reminded that for me,

it wasn’t over’.

                          -----

I opened the door to a drunk Simon.

For 6/7 years we hadn’t had a proper conversation and suddenly here he was, at my doorstep. I let him in and led him to the couch. He looked like he had just come from an event – AGT auditions had started, he must’ve come from there. His Tom Ford perfume brought back memories from what feels like a lifetime ago.

I gave him a cup of coffee and sat down next to him. As I sat down, I found myself shifting - aware that the spot next to him was no longer mine. He drank slowly and looked around my apartment, it was his first time here.

I didn’t know what to say, it was so like him to show up like this, well it was so like the Simon I once knew. I snapped out of my nostalgia as he put his cup on the table and started to lie down on the sofa, I suddenly realised that she must be wondering where he is.

‘Si, shouldn’t you go home? Lauren must be wondering where you are.’

‘She won’t be wondering’. He mumbled; it was barely audible but I was sure of what I heard.

It took a moment for me to register that he and Lauren may have broken up. Finally. Not finally. What am I thinking? What would happen to Eric? Surely Simon wouldn’t do that to him, that little boy means the world to him. All these years of knowing that he was going home to her and now here he is, in my house, falling asleep on my sofa once again causing a storm in my life.

I realised that a part of me was happy that he was here, on my sofa.

It was not that we hadn't communicated in the past few years, we would talk every now and then - birthdays, holiday wishes etc but over the years our communication gradually became more and more formal.

we hadn’t gone many to the same parties – if I knew there was even a possibility of him being at the same place as me, I wouldn’t go. I couldn't bear seeing him with her. Its how I’ve managed for the past few years and yes I know it sounds pathetic.

It’s not that I completely stopped living my life – a lot has happened in my life. Both my parents passed away, I had barely started processing my mother’s death when my father passed away and since then my heart has been broken in a way that it’s never been broken before.

I’ve had relationships here and there. John Caprio and I briefly got together again. He is a total gentleman but I never deserved him. If I told him to wait 5 or even 10 years, he would wait for me but it wouldn’t be fair on him. I was never prepared for the kind of relationship he offered. John is a mature and solid man but I never felt quite solid with him.

I always felt solid with Simon, the 5 years we spent together – even if it was on and off, were honestly the best 5 years of my life. He was centred and affectionate both physically and emotionally, he knew that I didn’t like to be spoilt with materialistic items but made me feel like a princess anyway. I know that I was the only woman that he willingly introduced to his family, we weren’t even official when he introduced me to his mother and dare I say I was his mother’s favourite.

I moved to a new neighbourhood recently. After my father passed away, I thought a new home would give me the perspective I needed. I had gone on holiday but it hadn’t helped and instead of dealing with my emotions I decided to buy a new home. It’s not like me to splurge without really thinking about it but I didn’t want people to worry about me and buying a new home would make it seem like I’m doing okay.

Simon had come to the funeral of both my parents and both times he stayed till the end of the service. I still remember the hug he gave me at my father’s funeral. I melted into his chest, he smelt like the woody perfume he likes to wear when he gets tired of the orangey smelling one. From a distance, he had hovered around me. We didn’t talk about it but we both knew it wouldn’t have been appropriate if we interacted, I knew Lauren wouldn't have been agreed to him coming to the funeral. I’ve never asked Simon if he told her our history but I’m pretty sure she knows - everyone knows, people I’ve never met know our history. Our pda was never for publicity - we never discussed that we would hold hands or kiss or cuddle when we went out to a show or to dinner and neither was there anyone telling us to do so. He’s always been protective of me and I always reach out to him when I need someone to lean on. I just haven’t done it recently.

I’m not trying to be a saint with this ‘keeping distance’ thing, I’ve just been trying to do the right thing. Simon’s health and lifestyle has improved and I’m happy that it has. The past few years haven’t been easy for him either. I remember telling him some 10 years ago that he needed to give his health serious thought but I didn’t make that conversation as serious as I should have as given his working hours I didn’t want whatever time we had to be tainted by conversations about health and calories.

The beautiful thing about us was that when we were together it was because we chose to be together. Not because we had to be. We both had an even playing ground. To set the record, Simon never cheated on me. After he let me go from x factor – which is a story for another time, I had ceased contact with him and didn’t want him to contact me unless I said so and it was during that time that he well, got another woman pregnant. Did I ever think or expect that to happen, no. Lauren getting pregnant and seeing him have the happy family that I always wanted with him hurt more then I explain. In a way it hurt like a death. I tried to seem as if it didn’t bother me by keeping busy – I went on tour and kept working but in reality, I worked so much because I didn’t want to have time to think or feel anything. I made out enough time to be with my family and that was it.

Moving houses meant I met Tim. A tall stud of a gentleman who offered me a solid relationship that was tempting but he saw me and Simon together at my mother’s funeral and understood that I still had feelings for Simon. I could never really commit to anyone else after Si. As much as I tried I just couldn’t and it would feel fake when I tried. With Simon I didn’t have to try so hard, it was natural. Sure, I would make an effort for him but making an effort for Simon came easy and I know it came easy for him to make an effort for me. It was wholly organic. He was fire and I was ice.

'You know how the time flies,

only yesterday was the time of our lives

we were born and raised in a summer haze

bound by the surprise of our glory days’.

I came down to see Simon on the balcony, looking at the view. His coat neatly folded on the sofa, his once crisp white shirt now wrinkled with the sleeves rolled up. He seems to have washed up in the guest bathroom, typical of him to make himself at home without being given an invite. He looked sad and I wanted to go hug him from behind and comfort him, cup his scruffy face in my hands and tell him everything will be okay but I still wasn’t sure if it was my place. I need to ascertain what he remembered from last nite.

‘Hey you.’

‘Hey you too.’ He turned and smiled fondly at me but I could still see the sadness in his eyes.

‘Slept well?’

‘Like a log. Thanks for letting me crash here last night, I know it wasn’t right of me to show up the way I did, I didn’t realise I even showed up here..’

I smiled, nodded and looked into the distance, not wanting to say it was okay because I didn’t know if it was.

‘You have a nice place here, cosy but spacious. Very you’.

‘Thank you, I needed the change after dad passed away.’

‘How have you been doing?’

‘How have you been doing Simon?’ I said as gently as I could, I could tell from his body language that he’s broken and he wasn’t hiding it with his usual energetic demeanour and egoic boosts.

He sighed. ‘I’m guessing I said something last night?’ He looked at me and it filled me up in such a strange yet familiar way that I had to look away. ‘What did I say?’

I took a sip of my coffee and gripped my cup a little harder. ‘You basically said Lauren wouldn’t be waiting for you at home.’

‘Ah.’ He looked down at his hands and clasped them together. He still hadn’t touched his coffee.

‘We don’t have to talk about it but I am worried about you.’ He looked at me, questioning me with his eyes. ‘It’s been a while since you’ve done something like this..shown up at my place unannounced. I didn’t mind it then but now things are different.’

‘How are they different? Things are the same now. I’m single again unsurprisingly.’

‘Eric..?’

‘With Lauren.’ He looked away but I saw the flash of disappointment in his eyes.

‘Are you okay?’

He sighed and took a sip of coffee. ‘As fine as I can be, I guess. I think you and I both knew this was gonna happen. I genuinely tried to make it work but I never felt much for her. Eric is everything to me but he happened.. suddenly, and what me and Lauren had was well..a one-night stand that I didn’t think much of. She almost begged me not to tell her husband.’

‘She’s the mother of your child’.

‘And she’s a brilliant mother. I'll always be in Eric’s life – he’ll never have to worry about anything but the past few years have been tiring. I’m tired of putting up this act of a happy family when we've been sleeping in different rooms for the past few years.’

I didn’t know how to respond and looked into the distance. He turned to me, leaning on the railing. ‘Won’t you say something Paula?’

I combed my hair with my fingers. ‘I don’t know what to say Si. I’m sad for you, you know I always wanted you to have a family of your own.’

‘And maybe I always wanted to have a family with you.’

‘And you know I could never give you that.’

‘I want you to be in Eric’s life.’

‘As what Simon? As the woman you once used to work with and fired from your show because you didn’t have the guts to stick up for me or as the woman you left him and your mother for?’ It all came blurting out and I instantly regretted it. I walked inside and pretended to be busy tidying up the kitchen though it was already spotless. He put his cup down on the counter and watched me as I pretended to tidy up.

'Just tell me what you want Si. I'm really sorry that you’re hurting right now but you can’t just rock up here and expect me to take care of you while you wallow. Its not my place anymore.’

‘Paula, I've made a lot of bad decisions but there are two things I don’t regret, Eric and you. Those 10 years that we spent sitting next to each other on Idol then the 5 we spent together as a couple were the best Goddamn years in my life and I've always regretted hurting you and not standing up for you. I know no matter what I do, you won’t forgive me and neither can I undo the hurt I’ve done. I’m not sure what I want, Paula. I was upset and drunk and my house hasn’t felt like home in a really long time and the one person that feels like home is you.’

If he had said that to me 10 years ago, I would’ve kissed him straight away but I’m a different woman now. The pain he caused me has changed me.

‘What do you want Simon?’ I asked him again.

‘I don’t know. I guess I need to know if you’re still in my life.’

‘I’m here, where I’ve always been - at the fringes of your life when you’ve always been at the centre of mine even when I don’t feel comfortable with you being the centre. Every relationship I’ve had hasn’t worked because every guy I date just knows I still have feelings for you even after all these years. I gave you everything and you treated me like shit. You don’t own me.’

He looked surprised. Surprised that I could say something like that to him. I know he’s heard it from other women but I don’t think he ever expected to hear it from me.

‘Would you like me to leave’?

                                   ---

            ‘Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead...’

[orionwhispers]

Perfect Places // Steve Harrington

(A/N - yep. this isnt peaky, i know. im taking a little breather so i dont completely burn out writing tommy, but trust me i have 3 wips for him coming soon!! i dont know if any of you guys will like this bc its stranger things and thats ok!! i just had a blast writing it and i love steve and it really challenged me. pls let me know if u like it!! stay safe my loves xxx)

warnings - angst but also so much fluff your teeth will rot 

You felt like the moon was mocking you.

It loomed overhead, round and full and beautiful, the colour of purity and innocence, a beacon of light contrasting against the ink coloured sky. Your face was red hot, streaked with tears that dripped down your nose and collarbone and into your shirt, staining you with sadness that you could feel clawing under your skin.

You were sat on the Byers’ front porch, the sneakers you had once kept so pristinely clean were now caked in mud, your socks soaked through. You felt numb, you ached for something; a familiar lash of anger or heartache, anything to make you feel human again, but you just felt numb.

You could hear clattering from inside the house, low murmurs of voices and whispers tangling together, but you blocked them out like it was just white noise. The steady hum of those you loved and trusted brought some comfort, but that was instantly replaced by longing for the one person who deserved to be there, the person who deserved to still be alive.

You had been ecstatically high on adrenaline, you were terrified but vivacious as you helped bundle your boyfriend and the kids into Hoppers’ car as he raced past the Laboratory’s gates. You remembered the feeling of Steve’s hands around your waist as he pushed you into the back, flustered and protective, determined to get you away from any danger.

You should have said something.

You knew something was wrong, but you kept quiet. The air in the car was thick and dense like smoke, and Hopper was covered in crimson coloured splotches, you noticed the way he didn’t look at you, instead keeping his eyes focused on the road ahead. You should have said something, should have asked where your Uncle was, should have demanded an answer, but instead you pushed those thoughts away and watched the road through the windshield until your vision went blurry, Steve’s thumb soothingly rubbing over the top of your hand.

You knew he felt it too.

It was only when you reached the driveway of the Byers bungalow, feet moving on autopilot, tearing through the front door and seeing Joyce waiting for you, tears running down her face as she pulled you into her chest, did you realise the immensity of the situation. You let out a wail that could rival a demogorgon, sinking down into the coarse fabric of her hospital gown, her hands clambering across your frame, desperate to offer any comfort she could.

Steve was beside you in an instant, gripping your elbows to stop you falling onto your knees and onto the shag carpet, cradling you into him like a child. He felt so helpless, not knowing how to ease your pain, words getting stuck in his throat like cotton balls as he watched the girl he loved shatter into pieces. One look at his familiar face contorted in torment and it set you off again, coughing and spluttering like you were drowning in your tears. You pushed the consolatory hands off of you harder than you had intended, feeling suffocated and in desperate need of some form of relief. You were no good to anybody like this, you needed to wallow in your grief alone, Joyce had bigger problems and you refused to drag her down under with you.

You stumbled towards the front door, murmuring “I need some air.” You sank into the darkness like it was an old friend, wrapping your arms around yourself as your head throbbed and pulsed. You let the cold air hit your bare skin and fell to the ground, knees to your chest and silent screams leaving your throat.

Steve ran forward to be by your side, but Hopper pulled him back by the hood of his jacket, a large hand consoling your distraught boyfriend, “Let her go kid, give her a minute.”

He gave you five.

Watching the hands tick away meticulously on the clock above the fridge, he flexed his fingers and allowed the slow and steady noises to keep him grounded. He loathed the idea that you were outside alone, beautiful face covered in tears, heartbroken and shattered. Not only that but the knowledge that those things could be looming in the woods waiting to sink their teeth into you was driving him mad with paranoia. The only thing stopping him from pulling you inside where he could safely watch you was the unwavering concern that not letting you grieve would do more harm than good, so he settled for watching you through the window, hands clamped around his trusty bat - just in case.

————————————————————

You were sure you had run out of tears. Exhausted and dehydrated, you buried your head in the palm of your hands, desperate to stop the mind numbing pain at the back of your skull. The trees rustled gently, olive coloured leaves glinting under the stars. You wondered what could be lurking inside of the forest, but you were too drained to care.

You heard the door creak behind you, but relaxed at the familiar weight of Cortez’s against the soft wood.

“Hey.” His voice was soft, almost timid. Sounding so foreign coming from his mouth, so cautious and kind that it almost made you start crying all over again. He paused momentarily, before inhaling and sitting down beside you, his long legs awkwardly bent, his back starting to ache, but he couldn’t care less. You both sat in a comfortable silence for a minute, unsure how to break down the barrier that was forming between you. Your hazy eyes lingered on the T-shirt’s and sweaters dangling from the Boyce’s washing line, sleeves swaying with the movement of the wind, almost as if there was an invisible person dancing inside.

Steve was the first to break the silence. He usually was, his quick wit and smooth demeanour had been one of the reasons you had fallen for him in the first place, the only person you had ever met that could make you melt into a puddle and then cry with laughter with just a few sentences.

“How you holding up?” He faltered, picking angrily at a loose thread hanging from his denim jeans. “That was a stupid question, I’m sorry.”

You didn’t trust yourself to form words just yet, but you tilted your head as much as you could muster, communicating with your boyfriend in that nauseating way that only the both of you understood, except this time it felt sour instead of sickeningly sweet.

You crunched a stray leaf under your shoe, mulling over the sound as it tore under your heel. “It doesn’t feel real.” You muttered finally, biting your lower lip with your front teeth, letting the pain stop your tears. “I keep expecting to see his face, his stupid goofy grin.” You smiled gently, “I keep waiting for him to turn up and say it’s all a prank, but I know he won’t, he’s too kind for that.”

“He was the nicest person I’ve ever met.” Steve said truthfully, “He was a good guy.”

Was. Three words that swam around your head and tangled your stomach into knots and you choked on the thickness in your throat. The strangled groan was so heartbreaking that Steve wanted to tear apart the things that did this to you with his bare hands, but instead he pulled you closer with them, clasping you against his chest.

He let you cry, he let you ruin his t-shirt and cover him in your mascara and wet, hot tears. He would let you bawl into everything he owned, even his prized The Clash shirt or limited edition Charlies Angels sweater that was buried in the back of his wardrobe - he would give it all to you, to stain and rip and ruin, if it meant you had at least one moment of solace.

Under the beautiful navy sky littered with stars, Steve sighed, wishing he knew what to say. He wished that he was as articulate as Nancy, or as strong as Hopper, he’d even take being as soft spoken as Jonathon, if he knew it would make you feel better. But you hadn’t fallen in love with any of them, you had fallen in love with him and he was going to do everything in his power to try and make his girl hurt a little less. So he tried to distract you.

“Do you remember our first date?” He said, breaking the silence, his eyes focusing on the branches of a tree swaying in the distance.

He heard you sniffle, felt the rise of your head under the palm of his hands. If you were surprised by his question you didn’t show it. “How could I forget?”

He smiled, thinking back to the day, over two years ago. If he thought hard enough he could almost relive the gut twisting anxiety and the sweat pooling on the nape of his neck as he pulled up to your house. The two of you had been friends forever, bound since the day you both shared peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the playhouse in kindergarten. But you both started naturally drifting apart around the end of middle school, settling onto different paths as you grew up, only really seeing each other in the hallways or at the back of the school bus.

By the time you both entered high school, Steve was completely swept up with basketball and his newfound popularity, and you were settling into your own friendships and trying to stay on top of your grades. You rarely saw one another, but by chance the two of you were paired as lab partners one semester in sophomore year, and soon science became his favourite subject. Seeing you became the highlight of his day, better than scoring a goal in basketball or cutting class with Tommy and Carol. It was as if no time had passed between the two of you, the conversation so easy and genuine, and he made it a personal challenge to have you in stitches by the time the bell rang.

He fell hard, and fast. He had always thought you were beautiful, even when you were just kids and you wore your hair in two braids and seemed to always be covered in glitter. There was just something about you, an ease and a lightness that you carried, something about your smile and sound of your laugh that had him stumbling over his sentences like an idiot. He liked hearing about all of the things he had missed, like how you got grounded for sneaking out of your room to go and watch the new Star Wars, or how you crashed your dads car into a tree the very first hour after you got your license.

It wasn’t long before he realised that his day didn’t feel complete unless he had spoken to you. He started noticing how every game he searched for your face in the bleachers, the only person he really cared about seeing. His eyes would flicker over faces at parties, determined to find your sparkling eyes and kind smile, finding the hit of seeing you more electric than the cheap beer and fizzled out joints being passed around him.

He was nervous. He didn’t get nervous - he was Steve Harrington for Christ’s sake, but somehow you had managed to turn his whole world on its axis. He tried to live his life with as little regrets as possible; but in the quiet of his bedroom, with the moonlight casting shadows across his walls, he couldn’t help but feel furious with himself. If he could go back in time and do everything all over again, he would make sure to hold onto you as tight as possible and stop the two of you drifting apart.

He wasn’t stupid, he knew you were a knockout. The kind of girl that would bring even the strongest of men to their knees, the kind of girl that lingered in his brain long after he had fallen asleep. He also knew that he wasn’t the only one who had been completely captivated by you. He had seen the way Mike Adams cornered you after the school assembly, laughing at something you said as you sat with a group of friends, an enamoured look in his eye. He saw the way Jacob Taylor tried his hardest to get as close to you as possible at a house party, dazed by the way you twirled your hair obliviously and smiled like white, hot sunshine.

He knew what they were going through, smitten and stupid and dopey and practically a puddle at your feet, because he felt exactly the same way.

He was going to ask you out to dinner and then the movies. He had an elaborate speech planned in his mind, one that he had practiced in the mirror repeatedly - not that he would ever admit it. He was nervous. So goddamn nervous of screwing up the one thing that he really fucking liked, of potentially ruining your friendship and making himself look like an ass for misreading the signals and making you uncomfortable that he almost talked himself out of it as he walked into the physics lab one rainy afternoon.

But when he saw you there, looking up at him. As sweet as cinnamon in your oversized lab coat and stupid goggles, lips slightly chewed and fingertips stained with charcoal, and he couldn’t stop himself from blurting:

“Doyouwanttogooutwithme?”

For a moment he wished he took photography class, so he could snap a picture of the blush on your cheeks, have a physical copy of your wide smile and the glint in your eyes; something to look at when he was trying to fall asleep.

“About time, Harrington.” You had said, and it had knocked all of the wind from him, and he had walked around with a big goofy grin for the entire rest of the day.

————-————————————————

“I remember being so goddamn nervous. I thought I was going to throw up.” He said now, his voice laced with humour, somehow always knowing how to diffuse any situation.

You curled up further into him, craving his stability and warmth, and you relaxed as you felt his palm rubbing comforting circles across your back.

He looked into the darkness, remembering the anxiety filling him as he waited for you on the street by your house. He remembered peering into the rear view mirror, fluffing the edges of his hair with his fingertips, twisting and pulling the strands until they sat where he wanted. He could feel his leg shaking, foot hovering above the gas as he struggled to keep his composure. He hadn’t even been this nervous when college scouts came to a game, and he seriously needed to stay cool before you opened the door and saw him.

“You brought me flowers.” You said quietly, and he looked down at you with a gentle smile, his heart clenching at the sadness in your voice.

He remembers standing in the grocery store, cursing and muttering under his breath, wondering what was more romantic: tulips or sunflowers.

He bought both.

He can remember holding them in his shaking hands as carefully as he could as he walked up the stone path to your house.

“I had to talk myself into ringing the doorbell.” He felt you scoff under him and he laughed,

“Seriously! I was terrified, more scared than I was tonight.”

Its a lie. Running through the junkyard and fighting off strange monsters had been exhilarating, but also the most terrifying experience of his life; especially when he knew that the kids and you were just metres away, hidden in the old bus. He really thought he was about to die when the demodog reared and snarled in his face, teeth gnashing at his throat, but in those moments all he could think about was protecting you.

It’s strange, he had never been so terrified to lose someone.

“And then Bob opened the door.” Your voice was heavy and thick, like you were swallowing honey and it snapped him out of his thoughts, reminding him of the reason you were both huddled outside.

Your parents worked ninety percent of the time, only really coming home to crawl into bed and then driving back to work six hours later. You were used to it though, falling into a somewhat stable routine of eating TV dinners and doing your homework to the sounds of Jeopardy! playing in the background. Despite the lonely nights and your parents distance, there was always one person who tried their absolute best to make you feel safe and secure. Your uncle, Bob Newby.

The goofy, gold hearted manager at RadioShack was always there for you, especially whenever your parents weren’t. He always made sure your refrigerator had something green inside, and would come over after work to sit and watch cheesy rom coms with you. He even installed new locks and security lights in the yard and on the porch, just to make you both feel better, even though it was Hawkins - and nothing ever happens there.

He was basically a surrogate dad and your best friend, and you weren’t even embarrassed to admit it. Some of the happiest nights of your life had been with him, like when you went to the midnight viewing of The Godfather and shared toffee popcorn and cherry twizzlers, or when he drove you to Lake Michigan for your birthday and you ate sandwiches next to the water.

So when he found out the captain of the basketball team had asked you out on a date, he was a little apprehensive.

“He really grilled me.” Steve muttered with a sad smile, it hurt him that one of the most poignant moments of his life was now to be covered in a thick, black cloud, and he could only imagine what you’re going through. “I thought he was going to pull out a shotgun.”

“Psh. It would have been a lightsaber.”

You remembered shovelling in cereal at the breakfast bar the morning of your date. Bob watching you over his steaming mug of coffee curiously.

“So… Any plans for today?”

You rolled your eyes and smiled fondly at your uncle. “Steve is taking me out. This is only like the billionth time I’ve told you.”

He nodded, “Right, Right. Steve. Steve.” He tested the name on his tongue. “And Steve is - the captain of the basketball team right?”

“Yep.” You said, through a mouthful of sugar. “Oh, and he’s the leader of this really tough biker gang, to get in you have to murder three kittens.”

You watched his eyebrows shoot to his hairline, and then slowly fall back to their original spot when he caught on to your teasing. He held up his hands in playful surrender, taking a swig of his drink and then placing his mug on the granite counter.

“I know I’m being a fusspot! But I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know, Bob! But I’ll be fine! We’re just going to catch a movie and then dinner.”

“Ok.” He sighed, turning to wash up the dishes left from the previous nights pig out fest, but his hands stilled before he could twist the faucet. “Wait! Nothing R rated - or too romantic, and tell him to knock it off if he tries that whole ‘I’m so tired, let me put my arm around you schtick!’”

“I’m ignoring you now!”

You remembered getting ready, picturing the soft blush hue of your summer dress, and the taste of your strawberry gloss on your lips. You remembered the heat of your curling iron as you meticulously styled your hair, checking your reflection as a way to distract from the minutes ticking by.

You knew the familiar feeling of sweaty palms and butterflies before a date, but that morning it was as if somebody had realised a kaleidoscope of monarchs and swallowtails inside of you. You were completely nauseous, but so excited, and you felt like you were floating on cloud nine, unable to believe that Steve Harrington - the boy you had been crushing on since first grade - wanted to take you out.

You were nervously touching up your makeup, widening your eyes and applying yet another coat of mascara, when you heard commotion downstairs - and the telltale sound of your date getting completely grilled. You practically flew to your feet, haphazardly tying your converse and grabbing your purse, hoping to save Steve from the clutches of your overprotective Uncle. You nearly slid down the carpet when you noticed the door was ajar, smiling widely at the sight of Steve clutching two bouquets, his hair perfectly coiffed and his sneakers white and gleaming.

“- No I’ve never been in an accident, Sir.” You heard Steve say, his voice carrying through the hallway.

“Hmm?” You heard Bob reply, “And what about alcohol? Do you drink it?

“Only eggnog at Christmas.” Steve replied with a grin, his lips falling down when Bob sent him a glare. “Ok, not in the mood for jokes.”

“Are you under the influence now?”

“What? No! Why would I… Wow.” He faltered when he noticed you at the top of the stairs, and for the first time his mind went totally blank, his brain short circuiting at the sight of you. He felt his mouth go dry and he struggled to say something, not wanting to look like any more of an idiot than he already was, but Bob got there first.

“You look great, sweetheart.” He said, voice brimming with pride.

You blushed a deep crimson, feeling awkward under both of their stares. “Thanks, Bob.”

As soon as you reached the floor you blinked up at the men watching you, raising a brow slowly when Steve didn’t move. “So are you ready?”

“Yep. Yes. Yep.” He said quickly, rummaging around his pockets for his keys, and then realising they were in his hands the whole time. “Lets go.”

“Be home before eleven!” You heard Bob yell, his words just carrying into the night before you managed to slam the front door shut.

After the initial awkward meeting at your door, and Bob shooting unconvincing daggers at Steve as he guided you towards his car, the rest of the date went smoothly. You had been out with boys before; middle school crushes that took you to the ice cream parlour in town, and letting your best friend rope you in for a double date with a boy you had never met - but nothing like this.

As the car lulled through the streets, any unease forming quickly uncoiled between the two of you, and it wasn’t long until you were both in stitches. It felt so natural and easy, and you found yourself wanting to know everything about the hazel haired man sitting next to you.

You ate at a diner just outside of town, because according to Steve: “they have the best strawberry milkshakes - ever. I swear they’re like crack.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, Harrington.” You had said, shooting him a million dollar smile over your shoulder. He was glad that you walked in first, because it felt as though a bullet had soared through his gut.

——————————————————————-

“I remember the milkshakes.” You said. Steve looked down at you, curled up on his lap. He nodded at your words, thinking of summer days and winter nights snuggled up in your booth at the diner. You must have shared hundreds by now, drinking such an obscene amount of the sweet treat it was a surprise neither of you looked like a strawberry. You had ruined the fruit for him. He couldn’t take a bite from a strawberry without remembering the taste of your lips or the sound of your laugh, it was conditioned into him like he was one of Pavlov’s dogs. But he would be lying if he said he didn’t love it, strawberries had become his favourite fruit.

“I told you those milkshakes were great.”

“Yeah, you did.”

He could feel you wobbling under him, could feel the heart wrenching tremor of your body starting to shake with tears and he swore internally, trying his best to distract you again.

“And then we watched Ghostbusters.”

You let out a half hearted laugh. “And you almost shit yourself when you saw Slimer.”

“He popped up outta nowhere!”

“And then you spilt popcorn everywhere.”

“Yeah, that old lady was pissed.” He clicked his tongue at the memory, crumbs and melted butter flying everywhere, the entire row in front covered in his mess and glaring at you both, you laughing so hard into your sleeve you thought you might just pass out.

“And then I drove you home - way before curfew I might add - because I’m a gentleman.”

“And then you kissed me.”

“I think you’ll find you kissed me.”

“Ha.You wish.”

It felt good to hear the bite back in your voice, and it warmed him like a zap of electricity that his plan of distraction was working.

Besides, it was partly true - you had kissed him first.

That night as he pulled into your driveway, his gut felt like a huge boulder inside of him. There was nothing more that he wanted then to lean over the console and kiss you, but he was too goddamn nervous.

The date had gone so brilliantly, and he could feel himself, tripping, stumbling and falling completely head over heels for you, but he was so uncharacteristically anxious that it was kind of freaking him out. He was getting all worked up about things he had never thought of before, like his teeth clashing against yours, or accidentally knocking your heads together and giving you a mild concussion.

He left his car running, because he didn’t want you to be cold, (and the constant vibrations were good at hiding the tremor in his legs). It was fully black outside, the night sky a long stretch of navy and the stars were pretty but not nearly as pretty as the girl smiling at him in the passenger seat. Just as your eyes connected and he thought he was going to finally kiss you, the porch light turned on, a nice little reminder from Uncle Bob that he was still watching. You laughed exasperatedly and reached over, filling the distance between you as you tried to grab the strap of your handbag and Steve leant over to give you a hand with the sticky door, but instead your lips caught his and he froze in place, his eyes closed and his heart feeling like a jackhammer in his chest, all of his worries evaporating behind him like ocean spray, because suddenly everything felt right.

“Night, Harrington.” You had said smugly, leaving him in his car that suddenly smelt like cotton candy and coconut shampoo, and with an entire carnivals worth of fireworks erupting from his stomach.

————————————————————

“When I got inside he pretended he had just woken up.” You said now, your words coated with tears but laced with tenderness. “Tried to act like he wasn’t staring through the window watching us kiss.”

Steve tangled his fingers through your hair, anchoring the two of you together, hoping that the small action would give you at least some comfort. He mulled over all of the memories the two of you shared, picturing them shattered at his feet like shards of shimmering glass. He wasn’t sure how to comfort you and it hurt, the silence settling around you like thick, poisonous gas.

“What about our first anniversary? The first time we committed a felony.”

“It wasn’t a felony.”

“Yeah and I’m sure it wasn’t the first time either, you little criminal.”

He remembered when you went out to a much too fancy restaurant in the city. How angelic and beautiful you looked in a little sundress and heels, stealing the breath right out of his lungs whenever he looked at you. How even when he was out of his comfort zone you felt like home, always making him feel stable no matter where he was. He remembered those glances you stole at one another, tongue in cheek laughter and suppressed smiles at the strange place you were both in, the two of you sticking out amongst the older, richer and snootier couples like a sore thumb.

He remembered the glint in your eye and the look on your face, the one that had him completely wrapped around your little finger - (but really, you could look at him anyway and he was a complete goner). It was how you both stood up at the same time, grabbing your handbag and wallet and rushing through the sea of people, laughing loudly as he slipped his hand in yours and pulled you with him, dodging the doorman who was cursing loudly at the kids who had just dined and dashed, even though neither of you had had more than a mouthful of your overpriced starter.

“You are such a bad influence, (Y/L/N).” He had scolded, playfully pinching the inside of your thigh as you lay stretched out on a picnic blanket overlooking the forests on the edge of town. You swatted him away, and he felt his breath hitch at the sight of you, hair tousled and makeup slightly worn, so effortlessly beautiful beneath the headlights of his car.

“Oh, please Hargrove. You would be lost without me.”

He didn’t reply, because it was true.

Instead he leaned over your body, stealing a quick kiss and also a handful of fries from the drive thru bag next to you.

“Hey!” You whined, leaning up and swatting at him. “Those are mine!”

“Technically, technically,” He said, licking salt from his fingertips. “They were at the bottom of the bag, not in either of the cartons - so they were never really yours.”

You rolled your eyes, punching him softly in the gut and laughing as he collapsed on top of you. “You are such a dumbass.”

“Yeah, but I’m your dumbass.”

He ran his tongue over a canine, finding clarity in your eyes.“I can’t believe you’ve put up with me for a whole year.”

“Me neither, but the money your dad gives me to go out with you makes it worth it.”

His finger trailed along the bridge of your nose, his lips curling the same as the path his fingerprints followed. “Stupid.” It was a terrible comeback, but when you looked up up at him like that, all of his sentences spilt into a bowl of mismatched alphabet soup. He blinked down at you, feeling the way his heart hammered against his rib cage, engulfed in the terrifying feeling of being so in love with somebody. “Seriously though, this has - this has been the best year of my life.”

Your rosebud lips parted, showing him that dammed smile that would make him burn down the whole town if you asked him to. “Mine too.”

——————————————————————-

“Remember when I got a black eye because of you?” He murmured, glancing up at the stars that flickered above you both.

“Because of me?” You scoffed, halfheartedly. “Hardly.”

“Ok. Keep telling yourself that.”

There was once a time where he loved nothing more than spending Friday through Sunday completely wasted, waking up on somebodies couch, his mouth tasting like sour liquor and his clothes scattered across the floor - but not after he met you. He used to long for the high from downing tequila shots or jumping into the pool with hazy eyes, a burnt out joint being passed around friends, but soon he realised that nothing came close to the fever high he got from simply being around you.

He remembered sitting in the school parking lot on a Friday afternoon, listening to Tommy and Carol natter about how a group of seniors were going to break into the rec centre and get drunk, but there words were nothing but static as he looked for you among the familiar faces.

You had been officially dating for a few months, and much to Tommy’s dismay, it seemed as though neither of you had any intention of letting the other go. It stung the teenager when Steve started blowing him off to hang out with you, his usual alibi for wild parties leaving him high and dry. He was jealous of the way you managed to consume all of Steve’s attention, and the fact that since the two of you had gotten together, Steve was so much kinder to everyone, and didn’t want to join in with his juvenile antics. When you went to parties, he drank less and laughed more, and Tommy was left doing shots and keg stands alone.

More than anything though, Tommy was jealous that Steve had scored a girl like you, kind and soft and sweet, when he had trouble getting Carol to stay over longer than the time it took to drain a bottle of stolen wine. It made him feel envious and insecure, watching the way you kissed Steve in the hallways with rosebud lips and your eyes shone like diamonds under the gentle sun; when was a girl going to look at him like that?

“You coming tonight, Harrington?” He asked from the hood of Steve’s car, his legs dangling onto the asphalt.

“No.” Steve said, chewing on his fingernails. “Sorry man, I’m taking (Y/N) to the drive in.”

“Aww.” Carol preened, a solid supporter of your relationship. You hadn’t known her too well before you started seeing Steve and hadn’t expected to become so close to her, but now she was one of your best friends. Sure she could be a little vapid and a little rude, but she also made you laugh loudly and always helped you get ready for dates with Steve, and you really appreciated the way she let you into the inner circle. “That’s so sweet. You guys are too cute.”

Tommy ignored her. He could already feel himself boiling over.

“Cmon Harrington, it’s one night. It’s tradition.”

“No it isn’t.”

He exhaled loudly. “Well it should be.”

“I’m good, man. And besides, we’re still going to see the Bulls play on Saturday, right?”

“I guess.”

Silence settled around them like cigarette ash. Tommy, growing more irate by the second, toyed with the collar of his shirt and curled and uncurled his fingers. He wasn’t quite sure why he was pissed - as Steve’s best friend he should have been pleased with how love struck and happy he was, and it wasn’t as though he never saw Steve anymore, or that you had split up the group or anything - but he was still annoyed, and that’s why he said it.

“God, I hope she’s a better fuck than she looks. I mean, she must be if she’s got you this whipped.”

It took a moment for Steve to process what he had said, swallowing his friends words like they were barbed wire, his throat filling with blood.

“What the fuck did you say?”

“Just what everybody else is thinking.” It wasn’t what everybody thought, but Tommy thrived off of mob mentality, and the small crowd watching in the parking lot was enough to spike his adrenaline.

“Tommy.” Carol warned, her voice thick and heavy, eyeing him from over the roof of the car.

“What did you say about her?” Steve asked, his face turning crimson, the shade matching the colour coating his pupils.

Tommy didn’t hold back, his hands firmly grasping his shovel, ready to dig himself deeper. “Jesus. Look at you! Look what she’s turned you into. She’s a bitch, and so are you.” He gestured wildly with his hands, the severity of what he had said was slowly sinking in, but he was stupid enough to stand by it for the time being.

Steve was livid. His body rattling like he had been struck by lightning. He knew he wasn’t some fucking white knight who had to defend your honour, but there was no way in hell he was going to let some fucking prick about you like that.

“And…you know what? The both of you can - ”

“Fuck you.” Steve brought his fingers to a fist and clocked him right in the nose, a sickening thwack echoing around the school. Tommy recoiled backwards, almost falling through the windshield. He managed to regain his balance at the last second, and his face was contorted with both pain and disbelief.

“What the fuck man?” Tommy seethed, spitting out a wad of blood and lunging at Steve, managing to grab him by his collar and slam him onto the asphalt, their jeans ripping across the gravel.

The two of them rolled around, a deadly mix of closed knuckles and crisp white sneakers. A small crowd had gathered around the two of them, the air thick with the metallic tang of blood and rich with stories to be shared around the party that night. They both managed to get a couple good hits in, Steve just managing to get the upper hand before the school janitor started calling in for backup.

You had just left World Civ, your textbooks still cradled in your arms and your best friend laughing in your ear as you made your way out of the school and towards the parking lot.

“Yeah, I swear! She…” Your best friends voice trailed off as she noticed a blur of movement in the distance, her ears picking up like a bloodhounds. “Oh my God. I wonder what’s going on.”

You looked up shrugging your shoulders, expecting to see some of the wrestling team or soccer players roughhousing like they usually did, but your blood turned cold when your eyes focused fully and you caught sight of that damn perfect hair.

“Holy shit. Steve!”

If only your phys ed teacher could have witnessed the speed you ran across the car park; dust picking up with your shoes as you bolted towards your boyfriend. You managed to break through the inner circle crowding around them, the teenagers egging on Tommy and Steve as they scrambled towards one another, the sound of elbows and knees and fingernails clashing all around you.

“Hey. Hey! That’s enough!”

Poor Mr Springer tried his best to separate the two of them, wrapping his arms around Tommy’s waist and trying to tear them apart as they continued scrapping like junkyard dogs.

Your mouth was agape as a couple of boys helped break the two of them up, your eyes widening at the scarlet red blood staining the ground and the deep purple bruises already starting to show. You managed to catch Steve’s line of sight, his eyes widening at the sight of you, his face starting to swell.

“Steve? What the fuck!”

“Oh! Hey, babe? How did your pop quiz go?” He asked, throwing you a dazzling smile as though everything was right in the world.

Despite everything, you bit back a laugh, kneeling down to wrap your hands around him. “You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.” You said, cradling the now puffy side of his face, a quarter sized apricot indent growing under his eye.

He winked at you as he was pulled away and dragged to the principal. He knew he was in for a months worth of Saturday detentions, but he couldn’t care less. He avoided the death glare his former best friend was giving him, licking the blood pooling across his split lip.

If he had to chose between you or Tommy, or choose between nights in with you or nights out with the rest of the seniors - hell, if he had to choose between basketball and you, it would be you, every time.

Point blank, period.

———————————————————-

There was a chill in the air, swallowing the both of you whole. Steve could feel his jeans dampening, your tears cascading down your face and onto his denim. He could feel eyes on the back of neck, and knew without turning around that Dustin and the rest of the kids were watching from the kitchen window, waiting to jump out and rescue you both if something crawled out from the bushes.

He didn’t have much time left. Soon he would have to bring you back inside, away from the vulnerability of the night and into the embrace of those you had grown so close to. He thinks back with a grimace, to the fight you had over your new routine.

Bob and Joyce dating came as a shock to everyone involved, especially Steve. Not so much that Bob had found companionship with the pretty single mother, but more so that it meant you were spending more time at their house - with Jonathon.

He wasn’t jealous.

He wasn’t.

No matter how many times you rolled your eyes and teased him - he wasn’t jealous.

He just didn’t like the idea of you sat next to him at movie nights, laughing with him during family board games, eating breakfast in the chair beside him, driving to school together and singing along to the stupid obscure bands that Jonathon liked.

Ok maybe he was a little jealous. Sue him.

He’d spent the night at your place, under the guise of helping you with your calculus homework, even though you had a higher grade than him, and he watched with sleepy eyes as you rummaged around your desk in the morning.

“What?” He mumbled under the slowly rising sun, half of his face still buried in your pillow. “What? Where? Where are you going?”

You rifled through your handbag and examined the contents, glancing at him over your shoulder. “Bob’s taking everyone out for lunch - well it should have been breakfast but someone - ” you emphasised with a playful glare, “Is making me late.”

“Whose going?”

“Everyone.”

“Everyone?”

“You know. Me, Joyce, Jon and Will.”

Jon.

“You didn’t tell me Jonathon was going.” He’s not sure if it’s true. He remembers fragments of you telling him your plans for the weekend, but he also remembers your words shattering before they reached his brain, because of that little strappy top you were wearing and the blackberry colour of your lipstick.

“What?” You asked distractedly, untangling your headphones from your Walkman. “I did.”

“No.” He clicked his jaw, a sign of his annoyance. “You just said Bob was taking you out.”

“With everyone - everyone includes Jonathon.”

“Right.” He’s pissed. His anger isn’t directed at you, more so the floppy haired teenager you’ll be sharing pancakes with, even though it’s not exactly his fault either. “Since when did you guys become The Brady Brunch?”

You let out a dry laugh, oblivious to the fact your boyfriend was getting more agitated by the second.

Did you really have to wear that skirt? He thought. Why did it have to be the short little denim one covered in cherries that made you look so damn good?

“You know how much Joyce loves her kids, Bob just wants to make an effort.”

“Yeah but why do you have to go?”

You shrugged, applying a swipe of lipgloss and tightening your cardigan in an effort to hide the hickeys blossoming under your collarbones. “He invited me, said it’s a family thing.”

“It’s not as though you’re really family though is it?”

He regretted it the moment the syllables left his mouth, but he was too wound up to think before he spoke. He cringed at the way you lost his gaze in the mirror, really fucking hating himself when he saw the crimson blush rise from your throat and onto your cheeks, and the sheen coating your eyes.

“I should go.”

You didn’t hesitate, grabbing your belongings and darting down the stairs. Family had always been a sore subject for you, and he loathed himself for striking you in the one place that it really fucking hurt.

“Wait.. Baby I -” He chased after you, but you were too fast. He wished that you would stay and argue with him, he’d let you scream and yell and shout at him, because he deserved it and he wanted to let you know he was sorry for being a prick, but you were already out of the door.

“Just up when you leave.” Were the last things you said, disappearing into your car.

He apologised with your favourite chocolates and red roses and an attempt to make you dinner. You couldn’t stay upset with him and his sheepish grin even when half of your kitchen was covered in tomato sauce and your moms pan was coated in burnt pasta.

The boy could screw up, but he always knew how to make up for it.

He trusted you, and loved you, and apologised for - in your words, ‘being a class A jackass’ - and even put away his pride long enough to tell you that, Ok, fine, maybe he was a tiny bit jealous of Jonathon and the bond growing between you.

That night as you curled up on your living room floor amongst an abundance of pillows and crocheted throws, you reassured him that you were in love with him and only him, even when he drove you up the wall. He fell asleep a little easier that night, his girl happy and safe in his arms, your words calming the storm that was once brewing in his mind.

…And maybe Jonathon wasn’t that bad.

———————————————————-

The light of the moon was harsh, almost like the street lamps that flickered in the distance. Steve could feel you moving underneath him, and his palms were starting to dampen, the reality of the evening finally sinking in.

Bob was dead.

As though the same thought had passed through you, you spoke, your voice strained and quiet. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

“I know.”

Your voice cracked like thin ice. “He didn’t deserve to die. He didn’t… He.” You choked on your words, and Steve pulled you into him firmly, as if to stop you from falling apart.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

You sniffled, a sob tearing through your lungs and clawing through your throat, and you tried desperately to not think about your poor uncles lifeless body. “What am I going to do without him?”

You weren’t looking for an answer, but Steve gave you one.

“It’ll be me and you, it’ll be us. Forever.”

His future was uncertain. He was under a mountain of pressure from his teachers and coaches and guidance counsellors to get his head down and decide about college and scholarships and what he was going to do with his life.

He even took one of those quizzes that was supposed to help him figure his shit out, but when he sat there, pencil in hand and he read the words - where do you see yourself in five years? The only thing he could think of, was you.

He thought of you, so smart and pretty, your future just as undecided as his, but still by his side. He could see road trips and night drives and long distance calls, he could see morning laughter and monumental arguments and make ups, in the distance he could even see a house with a white picket fence and a big dog and a few kids who looked like a mixture of the both of you.

It seemed so simple. So much more simple than applying for college or an internship, because he knew that whatever he did, he wanted it with you.

And then this crazy fucking year happened, and things weren’t so simple anymore. Soon he was best friends with a bunch of pre teens and fighting off big scary fucking monsters and Billy Hargrove. Soon his small world of basketball and strawberry milkshakes and tongue kisses was filled with danger, and he needed to keep you safe.

“I miss him.”

“I know.” He says honestly. “I miss him too.”

He remembered the last conversation he had with Bob. It was before they found Hopper underground, and Bob was getting ready to leave and see Joyce and Will. You were in your room, finishing off the last of your homework, and Steve was heading downstairs to finish off the last of the pizza. He had just grabbed a Coke and a slice of pepperoni, when he saw Bob rummaging through the cupboard in the hall.

“Hey,” Steve said, waving the hand with the soda in it. “I heard about Will. Is he alright?”

Bob gave a kind nod. “Yeah.” He hesitated. “Well, actually, I’m not sure. I’m uh - I’m looking for my old board games for him to play with.”

Steve smiled, because that was exactly the thing Bob would do. “Well, give him my best.”

They exchanged pleasantries, and Steve spun his heel to rejoin you upstairs, taking a big bite of melted cheese as he walked, before Bob spoke aloud once again.

“There’s something strange going on in this town.”

Steve remembered the year before, standing in Jonathan’s living room, twinkling Christmas lights draped on the wall and a baseball bat in his hands. He remembered Barb and Will, and the body from the quarry.

“Yeah.”

Bob exhaled, moving so that he was standing face to face with the teenager. “You make sure nothing happens to her, alright? You know she’s - you know she’s my little girl.”

Steve straightened, his voice solid. “I would never let anything happen to her.”

“I know. You’re a good guy, Harrington.”

He doesn’t know if he agrees, but he knows that for you, he will be.

“Take care of her.”

“Always.”

And they had partied ways: Steve upstairs, where he pulled you into his arms and made you laugh as he planted wet kisses on your face. And Bob to the Byers house to find a map spanning the length of the walls, and then the hospital, and then ultimately, to his death.

———————————————————-

The dark felt much more menacing now, shadows moving like long fingernails and jagged claws around you. He knew that he had to get you inside. He knew that the others would be making plans and setting traps and he knew how much safer you would be there. His heart was shattered after the small sobs leaving your body, your chest deflating like a burst balloon. He also knew that the best people to comfort you would be inside, Joyce with her motherly love, Dustin with his sweet, silly nature, and even Jonathon who truly loved you like a sibling.

“Cmon, lets get you inside.”

He wrapped his hands around you and helped lift you up, steadying you as you swayed on shaky legs. He cradled you into him, feeling the warmth of your breath and tears against his throat, and he inhaled, preparing himself and readying himself, telling him to be strong, for you.

He wrapped a free hand around the door handle, waiting to twist. He took one final look at the menacing bushes and trees surrounding you both, listening for a rustle from the branches.

He doesn’t know what will happen next. But he does know, that whatever it is, you’ll face it, together.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Nightmare

Warnings- Non Con situation, involved around Y/N dealing with aftermath of Survival. Sensitive subject. Personally I just felt like Y/N trauma needed to be told. 

Im hesitant to add tags, but I will, can choose to read or not. 

Word Count- 2413

Would it ever end?

You laid there limp as the beast of a man rutted into you, his breath hot and sour washing over your face and you could imagine it tangling in your hair, never to escape the feel of it huffing from him. His hands pawing at you, rough bruising grasps and sharp stings to constantly bring you back to attention on him, not even giving you the freedom to loose yourself in your mind. “Your such a good fuck” He grunted out, the face looming above you greedily taking it all in. Dirty, you felt ruined at this point and no longer tried to fight it. Oh you did at first, but there sheer size and overall health made them stronger, and knowing that they had nothing to fear, there viciousness in what they could do was unbound. In hours they broke you all over, you knew your nose and possibly cheek bone was busted, marks covering your body, and mentally, well that shattered last. After they told you how Curtis was basically alone and they been toying with him.

"You really think hes coming back Doll, dontcha?" He leaned in close to your face, trying to catch your lips as you turn your head away.

"Awww Sid, this little cunt here dont know no better. We be keeping tabs on you tail enders. Easy to pay for information back here." Your gut sank, cause people were desperate enough, it would be easy.

"He ain't getting there darling." His fingers grabbed your chin to make you look at him, drive his point home. "He will be dragged back here and bullet between his eyes. Way it always been. Now, you gonna be my sweet lil hunny, or we gotta keep breaking you in?"

Someone end it please.

Finally he got off you, his hand planting against your chest to leverage, his weight made all the air rush out and make you gasp "awww I knew you liked that baby by all those little noises" he laughed and twisted your hip enough to spank your ass "best youve ever had, I can tell." Tucking himself away, he left you alone and for a moment your just quiet, but the shock wears off and a sob breaks, making you roll to your side and pull up your legs, your body racked with pain. Fuck you needed it to end.

Laying in the middle of the aisle, you prayed one of the survivors of the most recent massacre got the children away, they unfortunately had to witness the execution style killings, you didnt want this atop of it. Moments later you felt a pair of hands grasp your coat and you flinch.

"Y/N, ssh its just Sara." The woman crooned and you tipped your head to look at her.

"Hide, get out of sight or else... " it was a dangerous time to be a survivor.

"I will, I cant leave you here for when they come back, your bunk isn't far. Out of sight, out of mind right?" She pushed on you to get you to move, and unsteadily you pull yourself up. It wasnt that far. And if this was gonna be it, you might as well be where you were happiest. Together you shuffled down the aisle. Looking up, the climb seemed so much longer then usual and Sara glanced up to what you were looking at. "What about Edgars bunk?"

"No, I can make it.... I want to be home." Your voice had a hint of a plea, and she nodded.

"Okay, brace your foot there and I will help push you up."

After a few moments, you rolled into yours, and hearing someone clamping up the aisle, Sara disappeared from sight. Please keep going, please keep going.... You got lucky, they didn't stop.

Laying in the bunk, you roll to your back to look up, it was familiar. You could feel yourself slightly loosening, letting the pain creep in slowly. First it was the physical, your fingers lightly probing your face and wincing at even the slightest touch. Your fingers came back sticky, blood. You thought it had dried but the cut must have reopened.

Touches flowed down your body and you sobbed, trying to muffle with your sleeve over your face. What were you going to do? You didnt want to tell Curtis. Fuck, Curtis, was he even still alive? If he wasn't, it would end you. Your brother was taken, your parents executed... Curtis was whom you had left.

In this moment you couldnt help but be mad he wasn't here, scared that he might not come back, and shock settling in due to the past 6 hours? 12 hours? You had no idea how long its been anymore.You lost track when they lined up the car with the people to be executed, one by one they crumbled. You had seen it before once, but all that followed. Tears started blurring your vision and you twisted to your side, tucking your legs in against your stomach, small, fetal, can you disappear if you try hard enough?

Lifting your gaze, one of Curtis coats was nearby and you reached to grasp it. Dragging it over yourself, you tuck yourself tighter, able to hide yourself under it entirely.

It was familiar, the scent enclosed you, the slight scratchy wool rough against your cheek, you didn't care about the pain. Rubbing your face in it, feeling it dry your tears. The weight of it, almost like Curtis was right there.

Hand splaying against your stomach "I got you baby, it was just a nightmare." Warmth against your back and the feeling of his beard scratching lightly against your neck, whispering to you. "Can you tell me Babygirl?"

The silence stretched out the seconds. You wanted to, but your words were lost. He didnt push yet, kissing your shoulder. His fingers sought out your skin underneath, rubbing gently along your hip, then along your ribs. It was gentle and calming, you finally loosened enough to speak.

"Same as always, going through the cars to find Matt. But can never find him. I cant ever find him." Twisting to face him, he tugs you in against him, hiding your face against his chest, his arms tightened instinctively around you. "The worst is I just don't know. If hes dead, then hes gone." Your voice cracks, guilt seeping in your tone, muffled in his shirt. "But what if Matt's alive Curtis? And he is waiting for me. All this time waiting..." Drifting off, he leans back slightly and looks down at you, right now you look so small in his arms.

"Y/N, babygirl you did all you could that day. Wilford plays god for now and takes what he wants. But it won't always be that way. Matt won't hold it against you that your trapped here"

Silent you listen and nod against his chest, he turned and laid on his back, letting you get comfortable again, you knew he was right. There really wasnt anything more to be done that day.

You smiled slightly at the memory, albiet sad it still was one you fell back on. It blossomed an ache of familiarity in your chest, always taking care of someone he was.

You were currently trying to wash dirty rags for the sick bay your parents managed, a few bunks set aside for when people shouldnt be in the general population. Wringing the rags out, you couldnt help but hear a little girl somewhere in the shadows sniffling. Before you could go find her to see if she was okay, Curtis had heard her as well. You simply watched, this was the first time you have seen him interact with the children since what had happened in the beginning, normally he tried to avoid them, as well as there parents urging there children to stay away from well everyone. 

“Hey, why you crying?” He moved to slide down onto the floor, sitting next to the little girl, holding something in her lap.

“My dolly broke, and I cant fix her.” She held up a barbie doll that had seen better days. Its hair was matted, scuffed and the normal tan looking doll was almost black. She was a well loved toy though, so few and far between, it was probably one of the few still existing on the last car. Curtis reached for the doll and the arm that had popped off. 

“Well now lets see what we can do.” He studied it a moment, his brows coming together in concentration, and the little girl shuffled in closer, watching his hands work on the arm just as closely as he was, her tears catching just enough light to sparkle as the remainder got caught in her lashes, all but forgotten now. Suddenly there was a triumphant grin, and a squeal of happiness from the girl as she sprang up, holding out her hands to retrieve her doll joyfully. 

“You did it! You fixed her!” She lunged to hug him and ran off, calling a name you didnt catch. Curtis just watched her dissapear. You step out from where you had been watching, hands to hips, grinning.

“Well arnt you a hero.” 

Catching him by surprise, a bit of pink rising to his face and he pushed up off the floor, scowling a bit. “It was nothing” 

“Uh huh, tell that to her.”

He gave a shrug and tried to change the subject. You let him, but you certainly werent going to forget it. 

Sighing to yourself, you stretch your legs out a bit, wincing at the stiffness and aches settling in your thighs. It had grown quiet in the car, sometimes a broken sob broke from somewhere, and you covered your ears for now to block it out. 

It was one of those rare times they held a meeting outside of Gilliams section, McGregor laying out his idea of getting out of the last car. You were hiding in one of the bunks, just watching the men and women hash out there ideas, your father planning on going to help with the wounded along the way “We will bring up the back, my wife and I so just leave them there. We can have survivors patched up and brought back.” 

“We will set you up a team for that, now we need people who can follow me in the charge, just know...” The man looked around the group. “This will be the worst casualties. They out weapon us on every level. All we have is surprise.” 

There were mummers of concerns and volunteers, and much to your worry and not so much surprise, you heard Curtis voice ring out. “Let me in the front, Im one of the strongest you got” 

Leave it to him to be ready to sacrifice himself. 

Later you caught up with him, tugging on his coat. “Curtis, you dont have to do that, go with McGregor. You can help us with the injured.” Maybe your fear was making you ask the impossible, cause his glance at you told you what you already knew. There was no way he would be staying behind. 

“I have to Y/N, theres already not many who can and if we have a shot at getting out of this car, we have to take it. Regardless of the casualties.” He simply stated. His next words still hurt thinking about them. “Besides, I have alot to make up for, this is the least I can do.” 

And there it was, that guilt he carried with him. It ate at all the good he ever did, and not even if you screamed it at him, would he ever forgive himself. Youve caught him, when he didnt think anyone was paying him any mind look at any of you like he didnt deserve you all, You, Tonya, Edgar, Gilliam.... That he was a man who it would all be taken away at any moment, cause of his past. “Curtis it was so long ago, no one blames you for it, hell we all would be guilty.” 

“It wasnt that long ago Y/N” And that was it, he was done talking. 

Dropping your hands from your hands, you listen and there it is, thump thump thump, echoing footsteps seeking the bunks. It would only be a matter of time before they came to yours. You scootch over by the wall, keeping the jacket over yourself and fisting it in your hands, unwilling to loosen your grip on it. 

It was so dark, you couldnt see him over you, but you could feel him. Every brush of his hand gentle as they brought you back down, his lips covering your neck with a groan before he sank over you, smothering you for the moment, and made you feel protected, safe, cherished. You loved the feeling of his weight pinning you in place, and if he wanted to stay like that, You would have happily done so. But all to soon he shifted to the side, not wanting to hurt you being pinned underneath and you roll in against him, not wanting to loose that contact. 

When you moved back against him, his hand moved into your hair, tangling his fingers in the strands, he always loved the softness, the feeling of it. Claimed it was the softest thing he had felt in years and would run his fingers through it till long after youve fallen asleep. 

“I love you Y/N” 

“I love you to Curtis” Kissing his neck as you press in close and a smile is pressed to his jawline, you two had just started really saying it and it still gave you the flutters hearing it. 

The footsteps stop and you can hear your curtain being ripped from where it was hanging. Seconds, it was all you had left before Curtis coat was ripped off from your shaking body, no matter how tight your grip was. “Ahhh, there you are! was wondering where you done crawled off to.” There was no where else to go, and a hand twisted in your hair, dragging you to fall out of your bunk, landing on your back with a wink knocking thump, leaving you gasping to try and breath again. No! your mind screams, but again your left without a way to escape. 

All you can do is fall back into your memories as much as possible. 

@jtargaryen18​ @curtisbbq​

@what-is-your-plan-today​

[jawnjendes]

bonus: why is their luck in a deeply sad moment? | shawn mendes

some type of au idk man, shawn x goth ex gf

WARNING: there is talk of death and suicide in this chapter. read at your own risk.

AN: i cant squeeze this into the next big fic nor can i fit it into shawn meets bc everyone hated it so its a bonus in the gg story lmao also im starying the Next Big Fic in a few days :)

masterlist | annalise’s playlist

2026.

"Sometimes I think about the what ifs,"  Ann said, “but I like where I am. I like what I’ve made for myself.”

Shawn had to invite her over to his house a second time, because the first time left him with many questions unanswered. He couldn’t be mad at what she said, though. He was in the same boat; he liked the life he made. You know, without the crushing loss and run in with the supernatural.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” he told her, and he really meant it. “I’m glad we were able to successfully do our own things straight after breaking up.”

“Nothing like filling the void in your heart with work!” Ann replied with a giggle. She moved a strand of hair behind her ear, and that’s when Shawn noticed something.

He took her hand and noticed a tattoo on the side of her middle finger: The Triforce.

“You got inked?” he asked, impressed.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” she replied, grabbing her sleeve to roll it up.

There was a sword on her inner arm. It was varying in shades of blue, and it also had the Triforce on it. Shawn recognized it as the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda games.

“All this is is proof that I’m a nerd,” Ann said as she rolled her sleeve back down. “I notice you have some more ink also… and that you still wear shirts half buttoned.” She pointed to his chest.

Her finger poked the exposed skin. It shouldn’t have been as tingly as it was. Shawn smiled and placed his hand over his chest.

“More than just that,” he told her. “But I can’t show you all of them.”

Maybe it was a little risky to say that. Shawn would have taken it back if Ann’s cheeks hadn’t gone a shade of pink.

“I could say the same thing…”

Shawn quickly came to learn just how many tattoos Ann had gotten over the years. A snake and tombstones on her other arm. Feather on her collarbone, roses on her shoulder. A quote reading, “...but I’m not anymore” with stars around it on her ribcage. Something on her wrist that Shawn didn’t catch because he was busy pressing his lips to her hips and taking off her pants, where he found another tattoo. “Lucky you.” He certainly felt it.

Everything about their time together was so familiar, so easy and almost home-like. Ann’s skin touching his. Her lips perfectly molding over his. The quiet, needy gasps they both released into the bedroom. It was like going back in time, and they were in Shawn’s Toronto apartment instead of his multimillion dollar condo in LA. It was soft and slow, despite Shawn pinning Ann’s arms above her head. He didn’t outgrow that particular move, and she still seemed to like it.

Shawn had never been happier to have been on a break more than now. Most one night stands in the past began and ended very quickly, because he was on tour or in between interviews or on a break for one day. This was one person that he didn’t want to leave behind. They lied down, sweaty and dazed, facing each other. It was silent, but not awkward. Everything had a nice haze around it.

That was also when Shawn finally made out what the tattoo on Ann’s wrist was. He picked his head up in confusion.

“Is… are those torches?” he asked. “Upside down? Just like mine… and are those my initials?”

It was simple line art, less intricate than his own. Torches in an X, with “SM” right below them. Shawn has been floored many times, and this was no exception.

Ann picked her head up as well. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Shawn looked down at his chest, his torches were exactly the same, sans the initials. He wanted to give Ann the benefit of the doubt, that this wasn’t some creepy fangirl thing. Some of his one night stands ended up like that, and it wasn’t exactly easy to forget.

“It’s for a friend of mine,” Ann explained, sitting up and covering her front with the blanket. She took note of the look on Shawn’s face. “Keeping someone’s light on beyond death, remember? I assume yours is for someone too.”

They were both sitting up now, and Shawn relaxed. However, he only relaxed a little bit because now it was time to get deep.

“Mine’s for Brian. He died last year.”

Ann’s face fell. “No. Brian, your best friend? Brian, the one who constantly took the piss outta me?”

He nodded. “He was… there was an accident. Flight of stairs. Instantly killed.” It was all lies, but no human would understand.

A hand went over his, squeezing. “I’m so sorry. He just, he just fell down some stairs?”

“A lot of stairs. I don’t know I guess he was running or something. There was no way to save him. People in the house heard the crash, but by the time they found him - when I found him - it was too late.” He had told this version many times, enough times to where he could almost believe it himself.

“Fuck, man. That’s… that’s fucking terrible,” Ann said sympathetically. “But I seriously can’t believe you just told me that.”

“Why?”

“Because now I have to tell you that mine is for Stella. Those are her initials.”

Stella Martinez. Now Shawn felt a little stupid… but surprised, and he was met with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t believe it for a second, but it fully processed in his head, and his heart began to break.

“Stella from college? Stella, who was your literal opposite and also your best friend?”

Ann solemnly nodded. Then she looked down. “She… she killed herself.”

Shawn was stunned into silence, the tightness in his chest only intensifying. The entire time he knew Stella, she was always so positive and bubbly. She was the opposite of suicidal. That’s why it was such a shock… and so sad. Oh god, who was going to tell Camila?

“When did Brian go to the other side?” Ann asked after a moment.

“A year ago last month,” Shawn replied. “And Stella?”

Ann raised an eyebrow. “Two years ago last month...”

It was a strange coincidence, but still upsetting. Both Shawn and Ann lost their best friends at the same time of the year. The urge to spill everything was thick in the air. Still, neither of them said anything for a while.

Instead, Ann reached down to the floor to pick up her clothes. Shawn’s eyes were stuck on her and that was when he spotted another word on her back. Nightmare. Small font, right shoulder blade, surrounded by a cluster of skulls. Then, he realized what she was doing.

“Are you leaving?”

She looked up, bra in hand. She was quiet as she put it back on.

“No. No, I’m not going anywhere.”

And she crawled back into bed. She made the point to keep a distance from Shawn, who was still naked. He was on his side, looking at the woman before him. Only Ann could have sex with him and bring up the subject of death. That brought a new point to mind.

“How do you enjoy death?” he asked. “I think I’ve asked you this before, but after losing someone and attending their funeral, I’m having a hard time understanding your perspective.”

Ann took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t enjoy the act of dying. People die every day in horrible ways. People mourn and fall into depression because of death. That’s not something to enjoy.”

“So what’s your deal with it?”

“I’m just embracing the face that it’s inevitable. I do that for myself. I will die eventually, or tomorrow-”

Shawn made a face; he didn’t like that thought.

“It doesn’t make it any easier when someone I know goes,” Ann continued. “You’d think with all the research I’ve done it would be. The ones we love leave this mortal plane, and all they leave is their absence. And that alone is a lot to process.”

“What’s the hardest part?”

“The what if’s.”

Shawn asked because he really wanted to know more about what happened to Stella. He had to know the things that led up to the tragedy, mostly because he knew Camila would ask for details, even if they were hard to hear.

He figured he should spill his side first.

“The last thing I said to Brian was to get the hell out of my room,” he began. “We were fighting, fighting over something so fucking stupid, and I was so pissed at him. That was our last interaction. He fell down the stairs because he was trying to find me in this big huge mansion…”

Ann sat up a little bit, hand over her chest. “Here?”

“Oh no, not here. I was staying at a friend’s house in London for a work thing. Place was huge, easy to get lost in,” Shawn clarified. “Brian, Andrew, all of them were leaving back to Toronto and I didn’t want to go just yet. Part of it was because I was still pissed. Maybe if I had run into him first before he fell… If I hadn’t kicked him out of my room a few nights prior… If I was less of an asshole…”

“Maybe you would have slipped on the stairs,” Ann told him. “Maybe you guys would have had an even bigger argument later that would have ended your friendship. There’s no way to tell, and sometimes that’s what sucks the most.”

Huh. Most people tell him not to dwell on it. No wonder Ann was a shrink now.

“Losing someone is one of the hardest things we, as humans, have to face,” she said. “It’s not easy in the slightest. Besides, the grieving period takes about three to five years, so you - we - are still in the beginning stages of it. Thinking about the what ifs, what you want to change, what you wish you could say to Brian - all of that is normal.”

The two of them let those words settle for a moment. Shawn’s eyes were a little misty, and redirecting the topic was probably not going to help. But he laid his stuff out on the table.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Me?”

“Your what ifs?”

Ann paused, looking around the room. “What if I had put my Master’s to use and noticed the goddamn signs?”

Shawn watched her, hoping she would at least return the eye contact.

“I’m an expert in this shit,” she said. “I have the years of school, the degrees, and the licenses for detecting things like this. I only figured it out the moment her dad called me.”

“How do you detect when someone is suicidal?”

“In her case, she was elated. When someone makes that decision, they reach a state of euphoria because they know their pain is about to end.”

“But Stella was always-”

“Believe me, I know. I hadn’t talked to her since graduating in Toronto, so I thought she hadn’t changed at all. But I would see on her social media, she just moved back to her parents’ house in Florida, and she hinted that she wasn’t happy about it.”

As if Shawn couldn’t take another blow. Come to think of it, he never heard much about Stella’s home life. He didn’t even think that it could be a negative place for her.

“I was in Jacksonville for work,�� Ann continued, “so I hit her up, and we met up for lunch. We talked for about an hour, and she said that I was always a good friend and college wife and that she’ll always love me. And my stone hearted ass just said ‘cool, you don’t suck’ and that was that. A month later, she’s as blue as the pills she took.”

“Ooo…” Shawn sighed, cringing at that mental image. Sweet, warm hearted Stella cold and lifeless. Call it morbid, awful thinking, but Shawn wished Brian looked like that in death instead of the bloody mess he turned out to be.

“Yeah. And her parents had her embalmed and put in an airtight casket, but that’s a whole other rant.” Ann waved it off and lied back down.

Shawn didn’t know what else to do except lie down as well. While sharing the stories of how their friends died, he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit closer to Ann. The first time they met, it took fighting tooth and nail to get her to open up. Now, Shawn felt okay silently reached for her hand, and tenderly holding it in his.

Both of them winded up at the same awards show. Both lost their best friends. Both got the same type of tattoo to honor them. Neither of them anticipated meeting again. This couldn’t be a coincidence.

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss @peruvian-bae @theprivatewritings

[alienbwrites]

Scintilla (a spark or trace of something)

CHAPTER 2  Woebegone (Sorrowful, downcast)

Hayami was running late to class again, people would think that after six years of attending the ninja academy that she would have the capability of turning up to class on time. Running on top of the civilian houses Hayami raced against time to get to class. The thought of Iruka sensei scolding her for being late again made her legs push that little bit harder. A familiar giggle came from around the village, looking for the blond perpetrator she saw that he had painting the Hokage monument again.

She was secretly glad that the mischievous blond had decided to act up this morning it saved her from the scolding that he would no doubt get.

Reaching the academy she didn’t hear Iruka yelling so she still had some time. Scaling the wall she located one of the windows that led to her class. As carefully as she could she stood on the sill of the window and knocked on it hoping to gain anyone’s attention. When she saw Shikamaru look over at her she watched as he sighed before getting up and helping her climb through the window. It didn’t come to any of the students surprise that the young girl had come through the window. Over these past six years She had been late a lot.

Smiling a good morning to her saviour of the day, Shikamaru gave her another sigh before complaining that she was a troublesome girl. She ignored the statement and sat beside him. Hayami had just managed to sit down before a flash of blond, green and orange was thrown into the room tied up by rope.

Hayami started to zone out her teacher’s yelling opting for day dreaming instead. Her mind often got lost in itself dragging her into unknown locations with unknown people. She started to dream of a forest with mystical trees with falling flowers the pink and purple hues mixed with a glittering silver. A nudge from her side quickly drew her back.

“We have to re-do our transformation Jutsu” Hayami felt the annoyance fill her system. With a look at Shikamaru he sighed and motioned to Naruto answering her unasked question. Standing in line after Shikamaru she watched as Sakura completed the task before vying for Sasuke’s attention. She held an inwardly cringe as the boy ignored her and completed the test himself, huffing before walking to his own.

“Naruto Uzumaki” Hayami let out a soft groan whilst Shikamaru and Ino had complained outwardly. Everyone knew that he would do something stupid. Everyone in class watched as he transformed. The puff of smoke cleared and a naked grown up version of Naruto stood in his place making Iruka Sensei fall back from the blood rushing out of his nose. Hayami scoffed as she watched Naruto giggle already wishing for this day to end.

 Kaori had managed to arrive at the young girls home before she did he let himself into her home with the spare key she had given him. After six years of looking after Hayami he looked at her like a younger sibling. Someone he could help guide and nurture, both having similar back stories it was easy to relate to the young girl and help her in ways that he had never got. Making his way to the kitchen he set down his tools and shrugged off his vest leaving him in a black long sleeve and pants. He re-tied his hair back and got to work cooking himself and the girl dinner.

 Nearly done with the food The door burst open and Hayami came toppling in, seeming exhausted from her day. Hayami looked to the man in the kitchen and with a new burst of energy wrapped her arms around him. With a soft pat to her head she let go and set down her book bag by her front door,

“How was your day Hayami?” Kaori asked as Hayami set the dishes.

“It wasn’t too bad. We had to re-do our transformation Jutsu again because of Naruto” Out of the corner of the young girl’s eye she watched the older man grimace at the name of her classmate. “Which I passed again, then the rest of the day went by boringly. Then I decided to throw knives for a while and do some extra training after our lessons had finished” Hayami sat and watched the food be served before thanking Kaori for the food and digging in. Her after school training had been hard as she tried to up her physical side. She had good theory which was something that Kaori and Iruka had praised her for but putting that theory into practice was a bit of a challenge for her.

“Are you ready for your exam tomorrow?” Kaori asked watching the girl’s reaction for any faults. He could see uncertainty in her eyes before she shrugged. “How about I help you practise then?” The girl lit up and hurriedly finished her dinner.

 Hayami sat in class early for once which surpised some of her friends, she sat next to Choji tapping her foot against the ground as her nervousness sky rocketed. She saw Choji offer her some of his chips which she gladly took a couple wanting something to take her mind of the graduation test. Not even day dreaming was helping her, the thought of her failing kept coming to mind which only made her more nervous. She went to bed last night confident after Kaori and her had gone over everything possible. But her confidence came crashing down once she set her foot into the classroom.

“We are now going to begin the graduation test” Hayami could feel her stomache in her throat as Iruka Sensei spoke. “When your name is called make your way to the next class room. The test is on clone jutsu” A small speck of confidence made its way back into Hayami. At least she knew she could do this though she didn’t know how she would do under pressure. Hayami watched as some of her friends went before her, Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, Hinata and didn’t come back to the class. As her name was called she felt her self start to sweat, she had a constant loop of ‘you can do this’ going through her head trying to calm her self down in any slight way.

 Opening the door to the other class room she stood in front of Iruka Sensei and Mizuki Sensei. Hayami tok a deep breath before putting her hands in the correct position and calling out the Jutsu. Three clones poofed behind her and a breath had forced itself out of her lungs. Both sensei’s offered her a warm smile and offered her a leaf headband.

 Racing outside of the academy all Hayami felt was happiness seep deep into her bones she caught glimpses of her friends with their parents and she slowed down. Now a dark sadness started to move through her body. She looked at the leaf head band that she held onto not yet finding a place to tie it yet. She looked back at the other students and felt her eyes water a tad. The smiling faces of the children with their parents made a stabbing feeling start in her chest. Breathing had started to become difficult. Slowly and quietly she made her way past the crowd.

“Im so proud of you”

“Look ma I did it”

“Come on we will have a celebratory dinner, what would you like tonight?”

“You’ve done well, finally a ninja my boy”

Hayami felt so unbelievably alone, she refused to let her sobs escape her body. She didn’t have parents any more, she was alone. She made her way home and opened the door. It was quiet inside which only served to make her down mood deepen. She looked at the photo she had of her parents. Kaori had gone a couple of days after the attack to grab anything that might have made the girl happy. A couple of photos were untouched by the flames as well as a few weapons. Hayami stroked the image of her fathers face softly and sending a little prayer to him, hoping that she made him proud and that he was resting in peace.

 Hayami was a little disappointed that Kaori hadn’t made his way over by dinner time. She felt more alone then ever. Hayami decided that she would treat herself to some ramen as a reward for graduation, if no one else was going to be there for Hayami, Hayami was going to be there for herself. It was a little later then usual already dark out by the time she set off, she didn’t want to be out too late but she was a ninja now she had to have confidence in herself. The owner of the establishment did look at the young girl funny when she walked in on her own as her usual pair wasn’t with her but took her in anyway to eat.

It was very late by the time Hayami left the store deciding to help out the restaurant in anyway she could before she left. The owners were getting old and needed any help they could get. Walking home she could feel the heavy tension in the air as multiple ninja made their way around the place. Knowing it was better for her to stay out of it she dashed her way home.

 Sleeping well never came to Hayami not after the night of the attack. She cant remember the last time she had a full nights sleep though she was only a small child back then so who knows if she ever had a full nights sleep. The sounds coming from her kitchen woke her up, she assumed Kaori was in there making her breakfast. Hurt seeped back into her heart, ‘he would have a good reason for missing my graduation right?’ Hayami’s heart pounded as she got dressed for the day rubbing away the sleep from her eyes, making her way out of her room she saw what she had assumed, Kaori making her breakfast. He met her eyes and a thousand apologise left his mouth.

“I am so deeply sorry I missed your graduation Hayami, I got called for a minor mission that I wasn’t able to refuse, and it went for longer then I expected. I would have come to see you later, but we ran into some trouble last night” Hayami gave him a small smile and muttered a forgiveness, she knew these types of things would happen it was the life of a shinobi after all. “So did you graduate?” Hayami saw the excited sparkle in Kaori’s eyes and her hurt was replaced by giddiness and excitement as she shoved her upper left arm into his face. The head peace was tightly wrapped around it so that most of the material was used up. Kaori picked the small girl up and swung her around.

“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Kaori stopped swinging the girl around and rested the palm of his hand on top of her head and gave her a warm smile.

Part 1

Next 

[saintshinsou]

“LAST TIMES” (1/2)

anonymous: yo can I get a request of overhaul being betrayed and abandoned by his s/o, who like helped free eri but because she still doesn’t trust heroes, joins the league of villains. Basically I want overhaul to get his ass beat for everything he did to eri by the person he loves lmao. (Bonus points if his s/o gives no shits about him after all he did)

authors note: this is so??? obnoxiously long?? IM SO SORRY. there will for sure be the part two where she betrays his ASS but i just wanted to build up, you know?? like THIS is why she’s gonna do what she’s about to do 😤

It wasn’t supposed to go like this, it was supposed to end differently. Overhaul had it all planned out for the two of them since the day he laid eyes on Y/N, step by step, detail after detail. Y/N was doing so well, being so good at following him along the destructive path he laid out for them even if it meant constantly losing pieces of herself along the way. The great cost, the end result of a perfect world Chisaki always promised her, always swayed her into forgiving him — knowing that they’d be happy together once this would all blow over.

She found herself reaching her breaking point soon, though.

With her own quirk, regeneration, came many experiments at Overhaul’s commands. They’d all center around the objective to see how far her quirk could be pushed, how much damage she could take before it would slow down and completely shut down. It was to test if it was a necessary quirk or not, Overhaul had vaguely explained to her when she confronted him one day after a long and painful day of having her body shot at multiple times.

It was proven easy for her to regret using up all her energy to trudge towards his office, slowing down her quirk’s work on healing her wounds in the process and leaving her to dirty the carpet that Chisaki had taken so much pride in having clean.

“We need to see if we really need this sickness on our side or if we should just eliminate it from you.”

Overhaul’s words served like a cd stuck on repeat, throwing her the same useless explanation he had been for the last couple of days with no emotion. Y/N took note of the way his gaze stayed focused on the pools of blood staining his floor while he idly sat at his desk, his priority being that instead of moving to help his significant other bleeding at his side.

“Please. No more, Overhaul.” Y/N pleaded as she weakly fell to her knees, her body completely drained from her futile effort to come here and beg for mercy from her tormenter.

All the claims of eternal love and sweet promises he whispered to her before seemed to mean nothing now when she processed that she going through all this pointless pain because of him. Glancing up at him through her eyelashes when she heard the smallest movement in the office chair, a tiny flame of false hope ignited inside her heart at the idea that he would take her in his arms and tell her that this was it, today was the last experiment day and he’d clean her right up, healing all the wounds that her own body was too weak to fix at the moment.

She was wrong. Extremely wrong.

Y/E/C eyes, sore from crying, helplessly watched Chisaki’s hand make its way for her hair, lovingly leaning into his touch while his fingers played with the strands of her blood and sweat drenched hair. It would be deemed small action to an outsider, something that would usually happen casually in any relationship but not with him. Never with him. This was one of the many actions, a tender moment, that she would cherish forever despite the circumstances; that is, until the next few seconds.

Y/N’s bruised body had slowly continued it’s (now) slow process of healing itself now that she was stable and at peace again, calmed by her boyfriend’s rare gentle touch when she fully relaxed in his hold. It was only a few seconds of bliss before she felt his hand furiously ball up her hair and pull her up to face him in his now rage filled eyes.

Legs struggling to hold her up and healing put on pause once again, she thought against pulling at his wrist since she knew from past experience that that would only worsen the situation at hand. Instead, she fearfully stared back at her boyfriend, waiting for him to explain what was the root of his anger this time and trying to ignore the throbbing pain in her head. Was it really because she was pleading for her life? Because she confessed that it was becoming all too painful?

“I told you to not come into my office until they cleaned off all the blood from you.”

Fingers gripping harder around her hair with strength she’s never experienced before, the words fell off his sharp tongue with little to no emotion in them and his stare never wavered from the mess she made. Y/N swore that if he hadn’t been holding on to her so tightly, his hands would be all over him and scratching the hives that were probably breaking out under his shirt. Not only did he have pools of blood staining his carpet but the blood from her gashes was beginning to spill on his clothes.

Overhaul was livid, using any bit of self-control he still had in his empty shell of a person to not murder her right there and then.

“Chisaki.”

The wretched name that was supposed to be forgotten between them slipped out of her bruised lip by accident. Overhaul’s hold on her and the pain from today’s experiment mixed together far too much, allowing her to speak the name without thinking of the repercussions that always came along with it. Y/N had made sure to avoid it so many times, always stopping herself before it made it past her lips but she was far too tired — her mind didn’t have the energy to recall all the little rules and precautions she had to take in his presence.

“Let’s just make it easier for you already, then.”

It all happened too fast, a blur to her with her weakened senses. Overhaul had tossed her on the floor with all the force he could muster up and pulled the gun out of his desk swiftly, giving her little to not time to process what was going on until she was met with a gun between her eyebrows.

“Would you like me to shoot you with this prototype or would you like me to continuously disassemble your body until your quirk won’t help you anymore?”

Y/N knew him. She knew he wouldn’t resort to any of those options, at least not now but she didn’t want to find out what would happen if it wouldn’t be those two.

“‘No.” Vigorously shaking her head at either option, she ignored the warm sensation of fresh tears spilling from her tired eyes when she felt the barrel of the gun press into her skin.

“So, what should your next move be here then, darling?”

“I...apologize.” It was hesitant, too hesitant for his liking but he just wanted to get this whole mess cleaned up as fast as he could. “I’m extremely sorry for not seeing the bigger picture, Overhaul. Please continue the experiments as long as you please.”

Satisfied, he returned the gun back to its rightful place in his desk and pulled her back on her feet with less hostility this time, leading her back to get bathed and healed up. The last thing she remembered from that night was looking up at his beautiful evil face and passing out in his arms halfway to their room.

She was tired. She was drained. She was pushing her body to dangerous limits she never dreamed of but it was all for him, all for the success he continuously promised her. It seemed as though recently she’d been painfully pushing herself to do a lot of questionable things for him, though. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take from him.

It had just been three weeks since the messy incident in his office, three weeks since her last experiment. Overhaul had claimed that they were unnecessary now, that he had received all the information he needed on her quirk and it’d be a waste of resources and time to continue. They had to focus on the bigger picture now before they ran out of time, he had told his men after delivering the painful conclusion he came to from the experiments to Y/N.

Overhaul’s final decision on her experiments made her regret every crying to him about the pain. ‘I should’ve just taken it’ was the only thought on her mind when the sharp pain from the bullet worked it’s ‘magic’ on her.

“It should be permanent.” Were the only words Chisaki Kai spoke to his significant other after shooting them, excusing himself to attend to other business after patching up her wound for her — the only act of kindness she would get from him today.

She hated him.

She absolutely hated him.

The one and only source of protection she had against his fits of anger was gone, ripped away from her by hands that only sought destruction. Thoughts of leaving him and dropping off the face of the earth clouded her mind while she, ironically, headed to his office in search of more pain killers that he deemed safe enough for her. Sadness was immediately replaced with anger when she thought of how useless she’d be out there in the real world now without her quirk. Even if she ran away, how far could she really get from him and his men with no quirk?

Y/N’s thoughts of escape were halted when someone ran into her, bringing her back to the reality she was forced to call her life. Looking down, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion when she was met with the sight of a child covered in bandages. Upon noticing that she didn’t mean any harm like Overhaul and Chrono did back there, the child frighteningly took Y/N’s gentle hand and looked up at her with pleading eyes.

“What are you doing in here?” Y/N asked the young child, noticing the familiar expression of pain and sadness adorning her young and innocent facial features; a combination of emotions that she herself found a habit for her to feel within these walls.

“Help me.”

Two simple words and Eri’s look of pure fear tiggers at Y/N’s heartstrings. Crouching down to her level, ignoring the pain that was beginning to travel through her body from her wound, she busied herself with wiping away Eri’s tears and squeezing her hand in a comforting way she remembered her own mother doing to her when she was the same age.

Just as she was about to speak up, a pair of loud footsteps made the girls look over to where Chrono and Overhaul entered the hallway. The hatred Y/N had building up for Overhaul only grew when she observed the way Eri clung to her at the sight of her boyfriend.

“Thank you so much for catching the child for me, sweetheart. Would you please hand her over to Chrono so we can continue on with the experiments?”

She knew the romantic pet name and the faux kindness in his voice was all a trick. Overhaul wasn’t an idiot, he had immediately noticed the way that Y/N protectively held Eri and the way she was looking up at him with pure hatred on her face.

“You’re doing experiments...on a child?”

Overhaul had already excused her action of looking at him so disrespectfully but the way she spoke to him, with pure disgust, was beginning to annoy him especially when she had no idea how valuable the child in her hands was. Stepping closer to them, Y/N held onto Eri tighter as if that would make a difference in stopping whatever he had planned for them. Y/N knew each step Overhaul took closer to them was just shortening the amount of time she had before she met up with his wrath again.

The motherly instinct in her just hoped that she would be the only one he’d go after right now even if the lack of quirk on her part put her less at ease.

“You are in no position to question what I’m doing for our future.” Overhaul distastefully looked down at them, gloved fists balling up at his sides when he looked down at the pitiful girl he once fell in love with, noticing how far she had gone from being his perfect, little, obedient Y/N. “She is the key to making this world better—“

“She’s just a kid. What the hell do you need to do experiments on a kid for?” Pushing Eri behind her and standing up to meet Overhaul, she stood in between them to serve as a makeshift shield. ”You’re sick. You’re so fucking sick.”

“I’m starting to think you’re getting a little too comfortable. I’ll need to fix that soon once we get time.” Seizing by the throat, he pushed her weakened body up against the wall, gaining a whimper from Eri as she watched the scene unfold right in front of her. “My love for you will only excuse so much so I’d suggest getting back in line before I murder you with own two hands.”

Overhaul’s words seemed to have not processed within her when she focused on taking him in, instead. It was frightening to think that she was once in love with this man that was currently squeezing her throat so hard that she could barely steal a single breath. The fire in her heart that she once had for him was hastily blown out the moment he wrapped his fingers around her throat, the rose-colored glasses she had for him falling off, as well.

Y/N saw him for what he was now, a horrible human being who had no idea how to show love to anyone especially not her. Their was no future he had planned out for them, it was just a future he had planned out for himself and maybe he would decide if he deemed Y/N worthy of tagging along but she didn’t want that anymore. She didn’t want to prove herself worthy to him anymore.

“Apologize.” Bringing herself back to the scene she was forced to be in, she felt Overhaul’s grip loosen up to give her the opportunity to speak up.

The silence on her part wasn’t working in her favor, whatsoever. Eri and Chrono flinched at the sound of the hard slap bouncing off the hallway’s walls, Y/N’s cheek stained a violent red from the impact with tiny droplets of blood dribbling down her once clean skin. It hurt, it hurt so much but she knew he could do worse if he really wanted to.

“Now.”

“I’m sorry, Overhaul.”

It seemed robotic at this point. Three words that had been so ingrained into her brain from being with him that they just came out whenever he wanted, no genuine sorry-ness ever crossing her mind anymore.

“Now apologize to Eri for causing such a scene in front of her.” Harsh fingers moved from her throat to her chin, forcing her to look over at where Eri was looking at them with tears adorning her flushed cheeks. “She’s only a child, Y/N, how dare you scare her with your vulgar words and a loud tone?”

“I’m sorry, Eri.”

Eri.

Her name was Eri.

“Go back to our room and finish getting ready. We have a meeting with the league of villain’s leader coming up soon.”

Roughly pushing her to the side, he signaled for Chrono to take Eri now and started heading back towards the experimental room where Y/N had spent her own previous days in. If she didn’t know Overhaul’s true colors, she would think that the scene in front of her was adorable. Chrono was holding Eri in his arms as Overhaul calmly spoke to her, his eyes scrunched up as he smiled down at her even though his words were far from friendly.

“Do you see what you make me do, Eri? If you hadn’t been a brat and ran away, I wouldn’t have to be so mean to my girlfriend. She might hate me now because of you.”

Y/N’s heart broke at the sound of Eri crying at Overhaul’s words, thinking that it was really her fault for everything that was going on when it was actually far from the truth. Cradling her swollen cheek in her hand and thinking back to Eri’s poor face, she came to her decision. She had to leave. She had to leave with Eri, now. If not for herself, at least for Eri.

[keeroo92]

Fire and Ice

Here’s my submission for @whumptober2019 number three, “Delirium”. Also included are the alternate prompts 2 (Broken voice), 3 (Fever), and 9 (Hiding)

Featuring Vergil and Dante. Enjoy!

Word count - 1,702

______

Dante sighed and grabbed the bags of take out from the passenger seat. Tubs of liquid so hot they would’ve burned anyone without his heritage sloshed as he headed to the front door, heavy containers of meat and veggies in the second bag. Pho wasn’t his favorite, but it wasn’t too bad with enough hoisin.

“Vergil, I’m back!” he called, dropping his keys on the table.

Silence greeted him and his lips twisted into a frown. Vergil wasn’t doing well; a rare strain of flu forced him to stay in bed for the last few days. His fever was over one hundred degrees that morning and he hadn’t been able to keep any food down. Hopefully the pho would do the trick, but Dante was worried.

He set the food on his desk and trotted to the staircase, taking the steps two at a time as he called his brother’s name again. As before, there was no response.

Damnit, Verge… answer me, will ya?

A deep thud quickened his steps. That couldn’t be a good sign. His heart twisted in concern as he reached his brother’s door and knocked.

“Vergil, you okay in there?”

Nothing.

Shit.

He tried the handle. It was locked.

“Let me in, douchebag!”

A second heavy thud was the only reply. Dante cursed under his breath and pounded on the door once more, by now unsurprised by the lack of response. He stepped back and considered his options.

Shooting the handle or breaking down the damned thing entirely wouldn’t be difficult; he had no clue where the master key was. What a mess. He growled in annoyance and tried one last time.

“If you don’t unlock the door, I’m breaking it!”

All he heard was his own breathing. The threat of property damage always got a response in the past; something had to be terribly wrong. What if Vergil wasn’t answering because he couldn’t? What if his fever was worse? How high did it need to be to be dangerous? The man in red didn’t know and it scared him all the more for its ominous mystery.

Dante took a deep breath and shifted, his skin erupting in tough armor and flashing to red and black. Leathery wings sprouted from his shoulders and the taste of ash filled his mouth. He growled and stepped back to the opposite wall, bracing his claws in the carpet.

The door crumpled at his bull rush, splinters of wood scattering across the room. He shifted back the second the clattering ended with a deep exhalation, sapphire eyes already scanning the room for a familiar head of swept back hair.

His jaw dropped at the state of the room. Books lied on every available surface, some still open as if forgotten partway through reading. Piles of dirty clothing were heaped by the closet, empty glasses on the headboard. Tangled sheets covered the normally pristine bed, pillows arranged in a haphazard pattern. It smelled of sweat and sickness.

Never had he seen the room in such disarray.

But where’s Vergil?

He checked all the familiar spots; the chair by the window, the desk by the bedside, that patch of carpet Vergil paced upon whenever his mind needed to work. With every vacant space, his worry grew. He’d never needed to take care of anyone but himself, so the concept still felt strange, but his brother wasn’t well. He couldn’t take care of himself.

“Vergil?”

A miniscule rattle drew his gaze to the closet. Why in the world would he be in there?

It didn’t matter. It was his only hint.

The closet opened with a creak of complaint. Panting breaths echoed in the air and as Dante’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, his heart fell to the floor. There was Vergil, knees at his chin and arms wrapped around them. Yamato lied beside him, within easy reach but his brother didn’t seem aware of it. His eyes were wide open, vacantly staring at the opposing wall as if it held the secrets of the universe.

“Aw, shit, Verge… c’mere.”

Dante tugged at his twin’s arm, his eyes widening as it limply dropped to the floor. Whatever was happening in the other man’s mind must be intense, for him to be lacking his usual resistance. He crouched down and shuffled closer to feel his forehead, recoiling as it scorched him.

Fuck. I gotta cool him down somehow…

He retreated to douse a towel with cool water, bringing it to his brother’s boiling flesh upon his return. Steam rose from where cloth met skin, a sizzling noise accompanying every dab. The towel didn’t last long; within minutes it was dry and he tossed it aside with a scowl.

“I’m gonna move you, it’d be nice if you didn’t stab me,” he grumbled. He doubted Vergil heard him, but it couldn’t hurt.

Dante grasped his brother’s shoulders firmly, grunting as he dragged the man from his dark hiding place. His empty look didn’t shift as he heaved him into a fireman’s carry and headed for the bathroom. A soft exhalation was the only signal of Vergil’s continued incoherence as Dante carefully set him on the cold tile, doing his best to avoid burning his fingers.

Demon flu, maybe? Is that a thing? I swear if I catch this, I’m gonna be pissed.

Dante snorted. It was probably too late for that. He shook his head and started the bath, turning the dial completely to the cold side. Now for the really fun part.

It took several minutes of curses and singed fingers, but finally Vergil was left in only his briefs. No matter how sick he got, there was no way in hell Dante was taking off his brother’s underwear. He had his limits.

“All right, this would be way easier if you helped me out,” he said. As expected, Vergil didn’t respond.

Dante sighed and covered his hands with a towel. It wasn’t much, but hopefully it would protect him from the worst of it. If not, he’d heal in a few minutes, but pain never got more fun. He braced himself and grappled Vergil into the cool water, splashing an absurd amount over the edge with his efforts.

Once his brother was settled, Dante took a perch on the toilet. Steam rose from the water, the area around his hands and feet reaching a low boil. The red-clad man added more water every time Vergil’s heat boiled too much away, staying by his side for hours and waiting for any change.

He jumped when Vergil spoke at last.

“It… it cannot be…”

The fuck is he yammering about?

Icy eyes darted around the bathroom, landing at last on Dante’s face. He offered a sheepish grin but his twin only snarled in return. A haze of confusion still clouded his expression.

“Im- impossible. She’s dead!”

Lithe but powerful arms slashed at the empty air, attacking an invisible foe. Dante dodged with practiced ease.

“Vergil! It’s me, calm down!”

“Begone, I will not succumb to trickery!”

More water sprayed onto the tile as Vergil thrashed. His hands cracked against the wall and Dante lunged forward, grabbing his skull before it followed suit. He bit his lip and held on as his brother writhed, battling the demons of his mind.

Damnit, quit freaking out!

By the time Vergil calmed, Dante’s arms were aching from holding his head for so long. Two of Vergil’s fingers splayed at unnatural angles and bruises marked him in several spots. Blue met blue as the two brothers’ eyes locked.

“D- Dante?”

“Hey, Verge,” he replied, lowering his sore limbs. Never had he heard Vergil sound so broken, his voice a low croak. “You back now?”

The elder Sparda glanced at the marks lining his arms, taking in his injuries with a disapproving sneer. He cradled his broken fingers and closed his eyes. “I think so.”

Dante leaned back, stretching his shoulders. “Good. You uh, ya had me worried for a sec.”

The man in the bathtub scoffed. “I didn’t realize you had the capacity for such things.”

He snorted. Vergil must be feeling better. A cautious hand went to check his temperature by shoving his shoulder; it felt warm still, but far less so. Progress.

“You should’ve heard the crap you were saying.”

Vergil flinched, his eyes lowering to stare at the water. The expression of vulnerable sadness shocked Dante; his brother wasn’t prone to fits of openness. It was rare to glimpse the man beneath the stoic exterior.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Vergil leaned back, resting his head on the wall as he lowered his mangled fingers into the cold water with a deep sigh. “I imagine you’ll pester me until I do.”

Dante chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, probably.”

His brother clenched his jaw and clicked his tongue, gathering his thoughts before he spoke again. “I was in the Underworld. Mundus was coming.”

“So, you hid in the closet?”

A curt nod was the only response. Dante knew better than to prod at that wound any further. He hummed and crossed his arms, gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling. Did he have the nerve to ask? How could he not?

“You mentioned a woman, too. Was… was it mom?”

Vergil shook his head and muttered, “No, someone else. You didn’t know her.”

A long moment passed in silence, each brother lost in memories of those they’d lost years ago. Eventually, Vergil broke the spell.

“Don’t you have better things to do than sit here and bother me?”

“Not really. But if you leave the door unlocked I’ll go,” Dante replied.

Another curt nod. “Agreed.”

The legendary devil hunter grunted as he rose, his tired body complaining after sitting in the same position for so long. He yawned and stretched, cracking his sternum as he walked away. Halfway out the door, he paused.

“There’s pho, if you’re hungry. Don’t drown.”

A final scoff was his answer and he smirked as he clicked the door closed. Only time would tell if the worst of Vergil’s illness was over. The thought of repeating the last few hours made him cringe. Stripping his twin once was enough, thank you very much.

[supergirlimagine]

Lost & Found pt. 5

Heeeeey Guys! Alright so this has been Real! I had the best time working on this with the one and only @baked-bean-bekah! So this will be MY last Part for this Series. She’ll be leading us out with the final Part sometime next Week! Be excited! I Really enjoyed putting this together and thanks to everyone who showed us some love! We really appreciate it and are Glad you guys liked it, we shall see how this ends! Thats it from me✌🏽

Thanks for Reading🖤

The DEO is busy with Agents and IT personal scattering around. The latest attack had everyone on high Alert. In the Middle of it all, Maggie stands with Alex and Supergirl, looking at the Screen in Silence. A Picture of you was pulled up. A scared young child with a lost expression in her eyes, your baggy hospital gown making you look way to thin. You held up a sign that read: Subject 9473. Alex breaks the Silence.

"Brainy. Find Project Shockwave and tell me about it."

"I am not sure if we can access said File, Director Danvers. It seems to have been filled away as..Classified.”

"Then find a way, Agent Dox.", her order left no Room for argument.

Brainy ducked his head and works his fingers over the Tablet for a Few Seconds, just like that, the File showes up on the Screen. He starts rattling of the Details.

"Project Shockwave. A Cadmus experimental trial which had its Participants, from an unknown Planet of Origin, compete against each other to test their Strength and Stamina. The goal of the Program was to understand and then Convert the Subjects Abilities as a use for an never exhausting Power Source, meant for all Electronical Devices. Ultimately, the creation of Weapons with electricity currents, that would be stronger than any Man made machine, would come to be. Although, it looks like the Test Subjects were unable to meet the criteria in all but one cases and deceased shortly after Initiation of the Program. The dissection of the Subjects proved that...-"

"Okay. We get it." Maggie cuts him off, having heard enough.

"What about Y/N?"

Brainy lookes at her confused. She cleares her throat and shifts uncomfortably.

"Subject..9473?", she clarifies.

"Oh, yes. It looks like this Test Subjects was brought into the Programm as a young Child and was monitored and tested throughout Adolescence. Said Subject is known to Produce large amounts of Energy, which were successfully converted into Electricity. With excessive testing and training, the subject was later able to change it's monocular structure and Teleporte through any Electrical current. For safety reason, the Subject was held in Isolation. Held in a Glass Cell, surrounded by Water as it was one of the few ways to disciple the Subject. Power blocked devices were placed around it's Wrists at all times. Furthermore,..-"

"That's Enough. Thank you.", Alex cut him off this time, starting to feel sick to her stomach.

They hade somewhat of an Idea of what had happened to you, but were never able to get the full story. You had refused to tell all of it and they decided to stop pushing.

"Get the Alpha Team ready. We are moving out."

Without spearing another glance, Alex turned around and headed for the Armory. Supergirl close on her toes, determination strong in her features.

"Danvers! Wait." Maggie caught up with a few quick steps.

"Where do you think you’re going?"

She whipped around quickly and looked at her Finance.

"I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago! I'm taking down Cadmus and then finding Y/N."

She made a move to leave again, when Maggie grabbed her Arm.

"Wow. Hey, Stop. You don't even have a Plan or any Clue on where to start. Let's think this through!"

Alex started getting irritated.

"No! Listen, Sawyer. I don't care! All they do is hurt People and use them for their own gain. I'm so sick of it! This ends tonight!"

Emotions were running high and Maggie matched her frustration.

"There is no point in running in there blind! You are going to get yourself hurt! Lets take a step back. I know you’re angry..-"

"I'm not Angry, Maggie! Im furious! They hurt the People I care about! Y/N is out there alone right now and probably terrified! If you would've just..-"

Maggie let go of the Brunettes arm and looked at her with raised Eyebrows.

"If I would have what, Danvers?"

"If you would have just stayed behind with her! Like I told you to!" Alex was close to shouting at this point and heavy Silence followed her Outburst.

Immediately, Alex felt guilty as the hurt expression crossed over her Lovers Face. She avoided her eyes in Shame and continued in a low voice.

"I'm Sorry. No, this is not your fault in any way. Its Just..If I would've been better and faster and paid more attention to her. I'm supposed to be the Director. I'm supposed to know these things. This is on me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let my anger out on you."

Maggies facial expression softened and she pulled Alex to the side when she saw her eyes starting to water.

"Hey, Alex. This is not anybodies fault, especially not yours. We will get her back and we will get justice, but not like this. I can't lose you too. Please."

Alex looked up now and stepped closer to Maggie, almost whispering the next words.

"I know you’re right..I'm just.. I'm scared''

Maggie tilted her head to the side, flashing her Dimples with a sad smile.

"I know, Babe. Me too."

--

It's been two Days since the Attack and two Days of you being back on the streets. You had not eaten or slept. You were constantly looking over your shoulder, frightened by every small noise. Using you Powers after such a long time had taken a lot out of you, but you couldn't afford to rest just yet and debating your next steps wasn't an easy task. Your brain was telling you to get out of town, leave this Place behind and find somewhere far away where they wouldn't be able to get to you. But there was a tightness in your chest, a hollow feeling creeped through your veins at the thought of leaving this City behind. You had never felt this before, like there was something that had made you want to hold on. You let out a sigh at the realization of how much you missed them. That's what this Felling was. You wanted nothing more than to go back Home and cry in their Arms and never leave their sides again, but that would be too dangerous. What if Cadmus found you there or worst yet, punish them for helping you? You had never felt this torn, because for the first Time since you could remember, you felt like there was something worth fighting for, like you had a chance at a happy and normal Life. Letting to ine good thing in your Life go just seemed like something you couldn't handle. The Rain was coming down heavy and you were trying to find cover in some Alleyway. Just as you were rounding the corner you saw a Tall Man towering over a frightened Young Woman. He was yelling at her.

"Give me your Purse! Now!"

She handed it over and you saw a Knife clutched in his fist, as he went through her Stuff. For a split second you wanted to turn around and just walk away, but that's not what Maggie and Alex would do. They are Heroes and they help People, so you should do the same.

"Hey!", you yelled and started to run towards the Guy.

He turned around just in time to see your eyes start to glow and Electricity forming in your Hands. He looked at you wide eyed, dropped the Purse and ran in the other Direction. You came to a stop in front of the scared woman, not thinking it was worth it to chase after the Guy. When you bent down to gather her Belongings and hand them back to her, you suddenly heard a voice yell behind you.

"NCPD! Freeze!"

You stoop up and turned around with the Purse in your Hand, this was bad.

"No!" You looked at the Officer with a shocked expression, understanding what this must look like.

You still had the woman's Purse in a tight grip and your eyes where glowing a pale blue, sparks still running along your finger tips.

"I'm helping!" You yelled back through the Rain.

The gun remained pointed in your direction so you turned and looked at the Lady, pleading with your eyes to back up your story, but all she did was stare at you in Horror.

"Keep those arms up!", the wavering Voice of the Officer made you turn your Head back around.

"I'm going to come over there an put these cuffs on you!" He reached behind him and pulled out a heavy set of cuffs.

You knew those and knew they would dampen your Powers.

"Please! Listen me..-"

"No! Just keep you Mouth Shut and no sudden Movements or I WILL shoot!", He mostly kept his composure, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was new and probably just as nervous and scared as you were right now.

You choose to not push any further, you could see this going sideways. The Cop slowly walked over to you, gun still raised and pointed forward, the Rain around you making it hard to see. The Lady standing off to your side finally seemed to snap back into her surrounding. She made a move forward and tried to make the Officer understand that this was all one big Misunderstanding. The sudden movement startled you enough to look around and put one arm out to let her know you had it handled. The next part happened so fast, you are not even sure it happened at all.

"I said don't move!" thats the last thing you heard before the deafening sound of a gun shot rang through the Allyway. The familiar sensation of Pain ran up your Leg, before the ground came up to meet you.

--

"Sawyer?" Maggies voice came out raspy and heavy with sleep.

They had been up for the most part of the last couple days. Looking for you and for a way to take down Cadmus and get you back safely. It was around 3 am now and they had just fallen asleep on the couch, surrounded by research and anything else that could help them.

"What?" She was standing just half a second later.

Fully awake now as Alex was slowly opening her eyes.

"Where is she?!" She raised her voice and Alex was at her side this time around already, trying her best at listening in on the Phone Call.

"What?? What do you mean she..- You know what! Nevermind We'll be there in 15min."

She hung up her Phone and walked over to the Front Door, where Alex was already putting on her shoes.

"Who was that? Where is she? Is she ok?"

She asked as she handed her Finance her coat.

"That was my work." Alex was just as confused as Maggie now.

"She's at the NCPD extraterrestrial Holding Cells."

They both shared a look and rushed out the Door, everything else forgotten.

--

You sit on one of the benches inside a small basement Cell. Your hands still locked in those awful Handcuffs behind your back. The bullet had only grazed your leg and it bleed a little bit, but they had wrapped it up with some gauze and had you sit down and wait for...you don't really know what you were waiting for. All you know is you were cold. You still had your clothes on which were damp from the rain and stuck to your body in an uncomfortable way. This was not how you thought this Night would have gone. Suddenly, a familiar voice cuts you out of your thoughts and you perk up to see where its coming from, your heart suddenly racing. It sounded like the quick steps were coming from just around the Corner.

"Where is that Rookie?! He freaking SHOOT her?? What the Hell is going on here?"

The Officer who had fired at you stood up from his Chair outside the Cell where he was watching up. You heard him gulp as he straightens up and braces himself.

"Please. Detective, we need you to calm down."

They were getting closer.

"Don't tell me to calm down right now! Just get me to her!"

You looked up just as they rounded the corner and your eyes immediately lock with Maggies, which made her she stop in her tracks. Alex was close behind her and you heard her sigh in Relief, when she saw you sitting there. The world stopped for a second as the three of you just stared at each other.

"Open the Cell.", Maggies voice came out calmer, but still not with the same amount of Compassion it usually carries.

"I'm sorry Detective. There are protocols. She's dangerous and I can't just..-"

The Rookies next words were cut off by him being slammed against the Wall behind him. He had at least half a foot on Maggie, but she was still holding him against the Wall, her Forearm pressed against his throat.

"Listen Buddy! You are going to open this Cell for me. Right. Now." Her voice was low and dangerous, there is fire in her eyes.

"I suggest you don't say another Word. I'm not even close to being done dealing with you for shooting at my kid! You don't even want to know what you got coming if you don't open this damn Door!"

She let go of him and he looked at her with wide eyes, too scared to even move.

"NOW!"

He stuttered out a quick 'Yes Ma'am' before stumbeling over to the Door and fumbling to unlock it. The second it was open, Alex rushed inside and wrapped you in her arms.

"Oh my god! Y/N! I'm so sorry! I should've look after you better! I'm so glad you're alright!" She pulled back and held your face between her hands, forcing eye contacts as she clarified.

"You're alright, yes?" Hey eyes drifting to your wrapped leg.

You nod and can't help but lean into her touch. You close your eyes and smile a little. You never thought you'd ever miss another's Persons touch, but you sure had.

"What happened Y/N? Why didn't you come back?", Her voice sounded hurt and you tried to sit up and reassure her, but the cuffs made moving around hard.

"Take them off." Maggie was standing slightly behind Alex and had her arms crossed over her chest.

She had barely finished her sentence when the Rookie came over and had you unlocked. Alex now gave you a proper Hug and you could feel the love and worry radiating off her. You looked over her shoulder and locked eyes with Maggie, dread made it's way into your stomach when you weren't able to read her expression.

"Give us some Space." She instructed without breaking your eye contact.

The Rookie and other Officer, that had led them down there, were out ther so quickly, you were sure they were the ones with Power. Maggie finally seemed to Relax. Alex let you go and started to examine your Leg, not caring about the protest that you were giving. It was silent for far to long for your liking and you started to get anxious. A single Light bulb was hanging from the ceiling of the Cell, it flickered and your eyes shot over to it. For a split second, you thought about just zooming out of there.

"Don't." Maggies voice was still sharp, but also soft and it held no venom, like it had with her Colleges.

You turned your head in her direction, ashamed that she knew what you were thinking of.

"You hate me now?" It was meant as a question, but came out more like a statement.

"No! Y/N..That's not." The detective let out a heavy sigh and moved closer to you, kneeling down to be eye level and put her hand on your thigh.

"I'm just worried. You were gone and we had no Idea where you were or if you were Okay."

Alex looked up from where she was making sure your Leg was fine and the bleeding was controlled.

"We were so worried about you.", she added to the conversation.

"I'm sorry. Had to leave. Too Dangerous for you." You look at them with watery eyes, the events from the last couple Days finaly catching up with you.

"I'm....My Powers", you almost spat that word, hating what it made you.

"My Powers are Bad, like me. I'm Bad Person", it came out broken and just above a whisper.

There was no need to hide anything from the two of them anyways, they would always know.

"No! Hey..Don't say that Y/N!" Maggie picked up your Chin and made you look at her.

"You are not Bad. You are one of the smartest, funniest and kidest People I’ve ever meet! Even after everything this World has done to you, you still give it so much Love. Its amazing to witness and be a part of. You are good, you have a good Heart. Just because you have these gifts, doesn't mean you are bad."

Alex was holding your Hand and nodding along with what Maggie was saying.

"She's right. For the short amount of time I was lucky enough to have you in my Life, you have only made it brighter."

Tears were making their way down your Face.

"You mean it?"

"Yes. Of course we do. And Y/N..It's okay to be scared sometimes, but you don't have to run anymore. You don’t have to be guarded. I was scared too when you were gone, but as long as we all stay together, we’ll be fine. I promise you. Forever."

---

You guys had finally made it home. You were unsure if you should've gone with them at first, but that was out of the question for them. Some more protest followed as Alex stitches up your Leg and you were now laying half on Top of her and fast asleep on the couch. She was playing with your Hair and was softly soothing you everytime you flinched our let out a whimper in your sleep. A comfortable silence was in the Air.

"So...", Alex looked up at Maggie with a knowing smirk, her hand never stopping the soft motions over your head.

The brunette was sitting at your Feet and was Knee deep in Files that was spread out across the Table. They still had to find a way to stop Cadmus.

"What, Danvers?" She didn't have to look up, to know exactly what Alex was playing at.

"Your kid, huh?" Maggie stopped writing and put down her Pen to look at the two of you.

Her features immediately softening at the sight. The quick, witty comeback dying on her lips, as she took in the scene in front of her. This was Perfect and everything she never knew she wanted.

"Yeah.” She reached over you and grabbed Alex hand, letting the Moment take over, nothing but love in her eyes.

“She’s ours.”

Alex gave her Hand a soft Kiss and looked down at your sleeping face and nodded.

"She sure is."

A frown took over her Face, thinking of what they were facing next.

"What if they take her?”

"Hey. No, don't worry. They won't. I will fight with everything I have for our Family. I know you will do the same."

Maggie made sure her Tone showed Alex how serious she was about this.

"Yes. I’m oing to be right there next to you.”

Alex whispered as she moved some stray hairs from your exhausted Face.

____________

@thatcrazybookwormgeek @mysterious-teen-blogger

[scentedbygunpowder]

Moms Made Fullmetal Week, 2019 Day 5: Comfort/Anger/Release Word Count: 2816 Author: Katie/Ally (scentedbygunpowder) Rating: G Characters: Mama Havoc (Marie), Jean Havoc, Papa Havoc (Thomas); Mentions: Havoc siblings and relations, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Heymans Breda Summary: Marie Havoc considered herself a good mother. But that didn’t mean that it was always easy. And when her eldest son is facing his toughest challenge yet, Marie has to figure out what it means to be a good mother in these circumstances.

~*~

Comfort/Anger/Release

Marie Havoc considered herself to be a good mother. Her children seemed to consider her that too. But sometimes she had no idea what a good mother would do for her children. That was especially true now.

Marie stood behind the counter of the Havoc general store and watched. Her eyes stayed glued to her eldest son as he—well, she couldn’t really say “stood” any more could she?—outside where the little ones from around were playing. He was tossing a ball around with them, the kids begging him to throw it as far as he could, and he would throw it hard, sending it further away than anyone else could. The kids delightedly chased after the ball laughing and scrambling after it. Jean laughed too, but as the kids ran off, part of the light in his eyes died. It might not have been as obvious to anyone else, but a mother knew.

“Ma—you’re gonna get a wrinkle between yer eyes if ya don’t stop that.”

Marie’s attention snapped back from the window and to her daughter, who was grinning up at her from where she was replacing some of the stock they kept in the front of the counter. Her hand flew up to her forehead. “Was I doin’ it again?”

Bethany straighten up and nodded. “Yes ma’am. Ya had that look again, the one ya get when ya look at Jean when ya think he’s not lookin’.” She looked out the window at him, too, as the kids ran around back and he wheeled after them, and put her hand over her mother’s. “He knows, ya know. He’s not always the sharpest tool in the shed, but Jean’s observant. He knows how ya worry.”

Marie smiled at Bethany and gave her hand a pat. “It’s a mother’s job to worry,” she said. “Especially when her child’s been through somethin’. Mind the store, will ya?”

Bethany nodded, and walked behind the counter, switching places with her mother. Marie walked towards the back of the store, and through the back, into their home. This store had been here a long time, and when it had been built, it had been built with the store in the front, and the house attached in the back. It was both a blessing and a curse at time, but Marie didn’t give much thought to it anymore. It was as it was, and she had accepted it when she had married Thomas. Right now it afforded her a quick trip into her domain—the kitchen.

There were a few dishes left in the sink, and she set to them, cleaning them up and giving her hands something to do. She needed to think for a few moments. He was so sad, her Jean. He had always been active. It had been obvious from early on that he wasn’t going to be the smartest in the bunch of kids. He was by no means stupid, none of her kids were. They were very well educated and made good grades. But Jean had always struggled more with it then her other children, although he never got jealous about it, always happy for his younger siblings when they understood something. Yes, he had had his insecurities about it, but he had bore them quietly, and instead focused on what he was good at.

Jean’s strengths had always lied more in the physical and untestable. The boy had always been active, always moving, always doing things. He never hesitated to stop to help someone, to do what he could for them. He had a big heart, and a way of just knowing when someone needed something, even if he didn’t always know what that something was. He would gladly go out of his way to help a friend however he could. Those were his strengths.

And now, it seemed, that had been stripped from him. He was lost, and he needed to know that he was still useful, still capable, still good. His insecurities had returned, only this time more potent because he was a man now, not a boy, and his ability to stand strong like he was supposed to had been taken from him. He needed to know he was good for more than just answering phones and throwing balls for kids.

Marie’s hand dried the last dish, and she heard that now-familiar sound of wheels across wooden planks. He must have come up the ramp his father and brothers had built for him, and across the porch. She could see him, as he stopped and looked out into the distance. The kids must have gone somewhere he couldn’t anymore, and it must have rankled him. After all, he grew up running around this countryside.

A thought occurred to her, and she leaned out the window. After all, he had always found comfort in her baking. “Jean? Jean, darlin’, can you come give me a hand?”

Jean looked up, a little surprised, but then wheeled his way towards the screened door, pulling it open with its customary creak, and maneuvered his way inside. “Ma? I thought you were watchin’ the store?”

“Bethany’s gonna watch it for a mite. I had the passin’ urge to do some bakin’ before these apples go bad. You know what a waste that would be. But I could use a hand with some of the mixin’. Ya mind givin’ yer old mama a hand with that?”

He gave her a gentle smile, the one that was just for her, and agreed. “You’re not old, Ma. But sure I’ll give you a hand. Dunno how much help I’ll be, but I can try.”

There he went again, disparaging on himself, and Marie just kept her tongue on it. She had been calling him out on it every time, but Thomas had warned her about doing it too much. After all, he had reminded her, she didn’t want to shut down the grieving he had to be doing about his legs and his former life.

But her feelings on that and his Colonel were another story.

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine. Ya always were a mighty help in the kitchen.” She said firmly. She started doling out directions, at first just asking him to do simple things, like measure out ingredients and such, but after a bit she was asking him to get things or do things that she had been doing. He was doing better at it then she was sure he had thought he would, even if there were some areas he wasn’t able to do yet. When they finished, up, she made them both a cup of coffee and they sat at the table, waiting for the apple turnovers to bake.

“—and that was when we figured out that Heymans had a huge fear of dogs!”

Maria laughed as he finished recounting the story to her, enjoying it, even if she had swatted him a bit at the “joke” he had made about eating the poor pup. “Well I can’t say much for that Lady Lieutenant’s namin’ skills, but I bet she takes good care of that pup!”

“Oh yeah. She loves him almost as much as she loves the Colonel—only she can show the dog her love!”

Marie just hummed at the mention of the Colonel, and took a sip of her coffee, letting the story hang for a moment.

“…Hey, Ma?”

She looked back up at him, leaving her thoughts behind. “Yes?”

“…Thanks. For, ya know, this. It was good t’ feel useful again.”

He wasn’t quite looking at her, his pride being his pride, but Marie didn’t mind. She knew her eldest. She reached across and patted his hand.

“I have no idea what in the world yer talking about, Son,” she said. “I just needed a little help, and I knew you could do it.”

He smiled at her, a bit of tension in him releasing, and something in her loosened a bit as well. It wasn’t much, but it was, at least, one form of comfort she could offer her son—the ability to feel useful.

~*~

“Yer makin’ a lot of noise, ya know.” Her husband stood in the doorway of the kitchen, observing his wife as she viciously attacked the dishes from supper, cleaning them with a vengeance.

“I’m fine.” She said firmly.

“No,” Thomas said, “Yer not. And you hide it pretty well, but ya can’t hide if from me.” He frowned, looking her over. “Yer still angry, aren’t ya?”

She practically threw the scrubbing brush she had in her hands in the sink, and turned to face her husband. He moved all the way in, letting the door close behind him, cutting of the sound of their children and a few grandchildren being entertained by the stories that Jean was telling of his time in the military. Good. They needed the barrier.

“Yer dang-near right I’m still mad!” she snapped at him, keeping her voice low. This wasn’t a conversation she wanted Jean to hear. “That Colonel o’ his—that’s all he can talk about! Colonel Mustang this and Colonel Mustang that, ‘n’ how great the man is!”

“He served under him a while, Marie. Jean obviously looks up to him.” Thomas said, moving closer to her. “He made some big kinda impact on him.”

“Oh, yes! Some big kinda impact!” Marie said mockingly, although she wasn’t mocking her husband. “Big enough that he got our son nearly killed ‘n’ disabled ‘n’ there’s nothin’ that can change that! Yet he’s still in there holdin’ out hope fer somethin’!”

“Marie.”

“Dontcha Marie me, Thomas Havoc! If he was so great, then why’d he go ‘n’ let out boy get hurt like that! Why’d he just turn ‘im loose, ‘steada doin’ somethin’ fer him! Why’d he—Why—“

She was trembling, tears starting to burn hot in her eyes and Thomas came up to her, pulling her close to him and holding her in his arms for a moment. She was balled up and hot with anger, but Thomas had always had a calming effect on her.

“Marie, I know yer angry. I am too. But I think yer angry at the wrong person, love,” Thomas said, his voice as calming as his presence. He pulled back a little. “Yer angry at Colonel Mustang, and I understand that. But Mar… That Colonel was hurt too, and he did what he could to save our boy, then risked his life ta rescue that lady lieutenant and a boy, who called for help after that. Ya know he can’t give us all the details, but he’s told us that much.”

Marie was not ready to stop being angry, though. “But he just turned him loose! He didn’t even have the common curtsey ta try ta do somethin’ else for ‘im!”

Thomas took a breath. “Marie. I get why yer mad. I wanna be too. But Jean still respects that Colonel o’ his, and if we wanna help Jean get used ta his new life, then we can’t be mad at the Colonel. He holds him in too high of regard.”

Marie was silent, her jaw working, and she pulled back and turned to the sink again. “…I can’t promise anythin’ soon, but I see yer point, Tom. I’ll try.”

He kissed her head. “Yer a good mother, and a good wife, and I love ya. All I ask is that ya try.”

Marie kept scrubbing on the dishes.

~*~

Marie let out a sigh as she watched Jean talking to this odd man, and listened to the conversation that he was having. He was being really careful not to let anyone else in on it, but they all knew that he was up to something. These orders of weapons and such from Xing over the past months, he promised that he had a buyer for them. He made calls and talked to people, and bit by bit things were ordered and amassed.

He was working again, her boy.

He had purpose again.

And Marie was pretty darn certain just who she had to thank for that.

Her boy and his big heart and drive to help however he could. She huffed a little.

She waited until the man had left, taking a receipt with him to show to Jean’s brothers who were working on the stock so he could get what he needed. Jean seemed to be grinning to himself, clearly satisfied with whatever had just happened.

“Who was that, Jean?” she asked him.

Jean turned to look at her, looking over his shoulder a bit. “No one ta worry ‘bout, Ma. Just one of my special orders.”

She reached for the ledger, flipping through it. “You’ve had lots o’ these special orders lately—and there was that beat up ol’ ice cream truck ya found and sold.”

He reached up and gently tugged the ledger from her hands. “Yeah, well, I think I might have found a good market for ‘em, albeit a temporary one.”

She eyed him. “How temporary?” she asked.

“I promise, Ma, I won’t over buy us, okay? I know they’re expensive, but I promise we’ll get paid in full soon.”

Marie took in a breath and let it out again. “…Jean. Just answer this one question for yer old Ma. I won’t say another word about it all, if you’ll just answer it.”

He looked at her curiously.

“…Does this have somethin’ ta do with that Colonel of yers?”

His eyes widened and he looked away from her, instead wheeling himself closer to the counter. “Ma. Does it really matter? I’ve got us a market and it’ll pay off.” He turned and smiled at her. “So dontcha worry about it, Ma! I promise that it’ll all work out!”

She just looked at him evenly, then nodded, and headed back towards the house and the kitchen. “Mind the store for a mite, will ya?” she asked, although she didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ve got some letters and such to attend to.”

She heard his agreement as she left, turning over the conversation she had just had in her mind. Her hands moved to fix herself a cup of tea, going through the motions without her mind really on it, and she sat at the table, looking at the pile of mail she had to go through. There was one that was marked from an address that she had figured out was one of Jean’s military friends, and she stared at it for a moment, before pushing the pile away.

She still had anger towards Colonel Mustang. How could she not? He was supposed to look after her son! But that anger wasn’t doing her any good. It wasn’t helping to comfort her son. It wasn’t helping to make him better or give him focus again. No, her anger was useless, just bogging her down.

Somehow, it always came back to the Colonel. She didn’t know what Jean saw in him, but whatever it was, it was a powerful motivator. She saw the hand exercises he did. She saw the way that he took to studying more, learning more, even if he sometimes needed to talk it over with someone. She saw the motivation he had to find equipment that would help keep him mobile, and talking his brothers into helping him build it. She saw how this new “project” of his—something that she was sure was all to benefit the Colonel somehow—motivated him to keep going and move forward.

Whatever the Colonel was doing, whatever his aims were, her Jean had been quite impacted by them and they were what drove him forward.

And if she kept this anger towards him, it would drive her and her eldest apart.

Marie took a breath. Then another. Then another.

“Alright,” she said in barely a whispered voice. “Alright. I’ve been a-holding onto this for too long. It’s time to let it go. I need to release this anger if I’m to help my son move forward.”

She sat there, breathing in, thinking about all the reasons she had to be angry with the Colonel, and then releasing them one by one, turning them into the good that she could see in her boy and, eventually, she had gone through them all.

Marie opened her eyes, and looked at her tea. She may not understand it, but if it would bring her son healing and comfort, then she’d release the anger she felt towards the Colonel. Perhaps it was a mother’s misplaced anger, or perhaps it was justified. She wasn’t sure. But if her son could get himself together and move on, then so could she. That way she could stay by his side the whole way, supporting him where she could.

After all, what else could a good mother do?