#shit did I use caps in my previous posts?

[honeyhaeya]

(🔐)🖇 ༘ ⋆"How to Date Discreetly"

' ╰┈ "can i go where you go? can we always be this close forever and ever?"

' ' 박성훈 x fem!reader

🎧ྀི 'ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Lover (Taylor Swift)

♫⋆₊˚ ﾟ. 'ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre / tags: idol!sunghoon x idol!reader, ice prince x reckless rookie, secret & established relationship, enemies to lovers (kinda), fluff, smut – MDNI, angst (minor), a pinch of comedy ੈ✩‧₊˚warnings: NSFW WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT ! smut, slight jealousy (m), language, detailed explicit scenes, angst (minor), reader on the pill (birth control), mutual hate that’s just actually horny confusion, mild hate (online), – ugh, theyre so in love, its intoxicating ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎˎˊ˗ smut warnings: unprotected sex (reader doesn't get pregnant, but you might irl, so wrap that shit up), overstimulation, oral (f. receiving), cock riding, rough sex, creampie (lol), praise kink, dirty talk, emotionally charged sex, soft dom hoon, high sex drive hoon ✩‧₊˚ wc: 6003 – 2/2 (mini series) ੈ♡ a/n: this is peak delusion. dont like, dont read. open for constructive critisism but fact checks or logical expected outcome are out of the picture, come on yall, this is fanfiction. this is the last part, y'all, pls enjoyyyy mwuah. be sure to read part 1 ! *^★ playlist: lover (taylor swift), celebrity (iu), they dont know about us (one directon), polaroid love (enhypen)

<to read previous chapter tap the underlined>

you were trembling when they handed you the trophy.

your first win.

lights blinding. fans screaming. camera zooming in.

and just when you thought you couldn’t hold it in anymore—tears starting to fall, your members surrounding you like the sisters they’ve become—

a staff passed you a note.

no name. just: practice room 3b. after stage. alone.

your heart knew before your head could catch up.

so after all the cameras stopped flashing, after the encore ended and you waved goodbye with shaky hands—

you went.

and there he was.

sunghoon, leaned against the mirror, hoodie pulled over his cap, eyes meeting yours like he’d been waiting forever.

you walked in and locked the door.

“you came,” you whispered, not quite believing it.

“of course i did,” he said. “you won.”

“we won,” you whispered, and that’s when he crossed the room and pulled you into a hug so tight your knees nearly gave out.

“i’m so proud of you,” he murmured into your hair. “i watched it live. twice.”

you laughed into his chest. “i tripped during the dance break.”

“and still looked better than me every comeback.”

you grinned. “no one’s ever looked better than you during bite me era.”

“...valid.”

and then you stayed like that, forehead to forehead, laughing softly and just being.

just breathing each other in like the chaos of the world couldn’t find you there.

a week later

the fandom wasn’t ready.

a short collab tiktok. your new dance challenge.

you posted it with your leader.

he posted it with you.

and fans went feral.

“wait. is that sunghoon and y/n???” “don’t play with me—this is a power collab” “why are they so… flirty? HUH???” “they have matching energy idc this is my otp now”

even some idols reposted it with captions like “siblings or dating???” and “get a room but make it cute”

you both just smiled and ignored the chaos.

a few weeks later

the photo spread across stan twitter like wildfire.

a local park. grainy zoom.

a girl in an oversized tee and denim shorts, cap low, platinum-blonde strands peeking out.

a guy in a hoodie and mask, arms swinging beside hers, sneakers kicking up sand as they teased and fake-ran after each other.

laughing.

laughing like they had nothing to hide.

laughing like they forgot the world existed.

“wait is that them—” “sunghoon and y/n in public?!” “no way that’s not them” “i actually think this is kind of sweet???” “you can tell they’ve been in love for a long time”

of course, some fans weren’t having it.

“if it’s true i’m unfollowing” “he should focus on his career” “i don’t support this at all”

but for every hater, there were two fans saying:

“they deserve happiness” “you can tell they make each other so happy it’s insane” “i want a love like this…”

and behind closed doors, in their bubble of stolen glances and whispered phone calls and late-night snack deliveries—

you and sunghoon just smiled.

because maybe the world didn’t know for sure.

but you both did.

and that was enough.

he didn’t even say hi.

not even a “you look beautiful,” or a “i missed you”—though god knows he did. months of schedules, oceans apart, stolen glances through screens that never felt like enough.

but the moment the door shut behind you, he was already moving. one step. two. arms around your waist, lips crashing into yours like he’d been holding his breath this whole time.

your back hit the wall gently, his hands framing your face, breath trembling as if you were something fragile, sacred.

he didn’t rush. didn’t speak. just kissed you like the world had been unbearably quiet without you.

you tasted like home.

and he tasted like longing.

his lips moved with yours, slow but deep. his hands were over your waist, pulling your body close to him.

he moved fast—you didn’t even notice his hands slipping under the fabric of your shirt, touching your bare skin. you gasped, trying to question what was going on, but he just took that moment to slip his tongue into your mouth, deepening the kiss. your knees buckled, but he was there to hold you. he always was.

sunghoon lifted you like you weighed nothing, your legs wrapping around his waist instantly. he didn’t pull away until he laid you gently on the bed, like you were fragile glass.

his lips trailed to your cheeks, your jawline, then your neck. his hand held your chin, tilting your face to the side, giving him more access to the soft flesh.

slow. steady. nipping, but not enough to leave marks for the world to see. he was careful. he hated hiding you—hated hiding this. but he had to. for both of your sakes. thank god both your schedules lined up this week. this was his only chance. now or never again.

“hoon… i don’t get it… are you alright?” you asked, your voice soft, your body pliant as you let him kiss you like that. melting beneath him.

he didn’t reply right away. instead, he pressed a kiss to your neck, then rested his head on your stomach, settling between your legs.

“i just… missed you.”

you hummed, your fingers brushing through his soft locks. “that’s obvious. i missed you too,” you replied, giggling when he buried his face deeper into your stomach. it was cute. too cute. “tell me the real reason, pengsoo,” you teased.

he smiled. “you smell good… i want to feel you… like really be inside you,” he murmured, already tugging at your clothes. and you let him.

“it’s so hard. seeing you every once in a while, then you’re gone again,” he continued, your top slipping off, your breath hitching as your bra followed seconds after. his fingers traced your bare skin, teasing your sensitive spots with praise—calling you pretty, soft… intentional with every word.

you felt shy all of a sudden. this was the man you liked, dated, got in trouble with. the one who was always there—but somehow, not really. now he was undressing you. your cheeks heated as he pulled your pants down, and you tried to cover your face.

sunghoon noticed, smiling softly as he grabbed your wrists. “i… i love you.”

your breath caught. your cheeks burned. “…i love you too.”

and then he kissed you again. his hand tugged your panties aside, not even pulling away from your lips, keeping you distracted so you wouldn’t hide. “just tap me twice if you want me to stop,” he murmured between kisses, dipping lower. his fingers found your clit—it was already soaked. you were dripping. your grip tightened on his biceps, nails digging in.

then one finger slid inside you. then two. they curled perfectly, making your back arch, your mouth falling open as you gasped into his. he moved them in and out, finding that one perfect spot that made you moan—loudly, desperately—and he loved it.

he pulled away to watch you, fascinated. your flushed cheeks, your messy hair, your eyes rolling back. your pussy swallowing his fingers. lewd. beautiful. he didn’t even notice how hard he was until you came on his fingers, screaming his name.

“fucking beautiful,” he breathed, stripping down completely until nothing was left between you. he kissed your cheeks, muttering sweet nothings and filth that made you hide your face again.

“see how hard you make me?” he whispered. “i get so fucking mad knowing other guys get to look at you like that.”

you frowned, your hand cupping his face. “i’m yours. always.”

“i’m the only one who gets to see you like this,” he murmured, leaning into your touch.

you nodded, humming. “i want to feel you.”

his cock teased your entrance as he hovered over you, his breath heavy. “p-push it in,” you whispered, holding onto him as he slid in. your walls clenched around him, swallowing him perfectly. you were a moaning mess.

“shit… you’re so tight… perfect,” sunghoon grunted as he finally bottomed out. he stilled, letting you adjust to the stretch, to the overwhelming fullness.

the heat was dizzying. your body felt weightless. then, he drew his hips back and slammed them in again, hard. you screamed, voice cracking.

his pace started slow… but quickly turned feral.

his thrusts were deep, cock dragging along your walls like he was trying to mark you from the inside. the room echoed with the wet, obscene sounds of sex—messy. “fuck, baby,” he growled, lips brushing your ear.

he pulled back just enough to watch. your tits bounced with every thrust, your mouth open in a silent moan, your body wrecked. sunghoon grinned. “so... ha- pretty.”

suddenly, he dropped your thighs and flipped you over like you weighed nothing. he tugged your hips up so you were on your knees, his hand weaving into your hair to arch your back. “you're dripping,” he said, spreading your thighs apart before sliding back in.

you’d never seen him like this. so desperate. so rough. your mind blanked when another sharp thrust hit you.

“hoonnn!” you cried out, face buried in the sheets. his hips slammed into you, hard and fast. you felt every inch.

he leaned over, chest pressed to your back, mouth against your ear. “you like this, baby? you’re fucking perfect,” he rasped.

your moans were muffled,  tears slipping down your cheeks as his fingers rubbed and twisted your clit mercilessly. your whole body was shaking.

he kept pounding into you, his cock slamming your cervix, your walls clenching tight. then, he grabbed your face, turning you to kiss him, searing and possessive.

“mouth,” he ordered.

you obeyed, dazed, and he kissed you, saliva mixing with yours before leaning back, watching you. “swallow it. please…”

you did. drunk on him and gone, and he knew. he could see it all over your face.

“f-fuck! hoonnie! i’m gonna cum!” you moaned, eyes rolling back, sobbing.

you came hard, squirting and soaking his cock. he groaned, pulling out just in time as his cum spilled over your folds, hot and thick. it dripped from your swollen pussy.

“so fucking pretty,” he whispered, staring at you like art—flushed, wrecked, dripping.

he brushed the hair from your face, kissing your cheeks. “you did so well.”

and your arms wrapped around him.

your legs were trembling, body still reeling from your high. your breath came out in short, shaky gasps as sunghoon lay beside you, brushing the sweat-damp strands of hair from your face.

"you okay?" he asked gently, voice husky from all the growling, his lips brushing against your forehead.

you nodded, eyes still glazed. "never better," you whispered, wrapping your arms around his bare torso.

but he just smirked—eyes flicking down between your legs, watching how wrecked and sensitive you were. “good,” he said. “'cause we’re not done yet.”

your eyes widened, and he loved that. the way you blinked up at him, totally ruined but still willing—still eager for more.

he sat up, leaning against the headboard, pulling you gently by the waist until you were straddling his lap.

“i wanna see you ride me,” he murmured, hands stroking your hips like he was sculpting you. “want you to learn how to take me like this. slow, deep—your pace. your rhythm.”

you blushed, chewing your lip. “i don’t really… know how.”

“that’s okay, baby. i’ll teach you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your collarbone. “just trust me.”

you shifted nervously, feeling his cock already getting hard again beneath you. still messy from earlier, twitching against your thigh.

sunghoon reached between you, grabbing the base of his cock, guiding it to your entrance. “sit, baby. go slow,” he said softly.

you lowered yourself, gasping as the tip slipped in. he hissed, gripping your waist tighter.

“fuck… that’s it. just like that.”

inch by inch, you sank down on him, stretching around his length again. you whimpered, gripping his shoulders. “s-sunghoon…”

“you’re doing so well,” he praised, kissing your chest. “so fucking tight. so warm. take all of it.”

when your hips finally met his, you both let out a shaky breath. you felt full, stretched, overwhelmed all over again. but god, the look in his eyes—completely ruined, in awe of you—made it worth it.

he cupped your cheeks, kissed you gently. “okay, baby. now move for me.”

you lifted yourself slowly, then lowered again, moaning softly. “ah—hah, i feel everything…”

“yeah?” he grinned. “you feel how deep i am?”

you nodded, tears forming again from the pressure and pleasure. you started rocking your hips, rolling them in slow, deliberate circles, your hands bracing on his chest. the way he groaned—low, raw, possessive—sent heat straight to your core.

“fuck, just like that,” he said, guiding your hips with his hands, helping you ride him. “you’re so sexy like this… bouncing on my cock, eyes all teary…”

you whimpered, gripping his wrists. “feels so good, hoonnie… wanna make you feel good…”

“you are.” his voice dropped. “you’re my dream, baby.”

his hips started meeting yours halfway, thrusting up into you with each bounce. your thighs were shaking, sweat clinging to your skin, but he didn’t let go—his arms around your waist, lips pressed to your neck.

you picked up the pace, moaning louder, his cock hitting that spot that made your body jolt.

“sunghoon! h-ha, i—i can’t!”

“yes you can,” he growled, eyes dark. “show me how pretty you cum riding me.”

you cried out, your body clenching down around him. “i—i’m cumming! hoonn—!”

he wrapped his arms around you tight as you came undone, hips stuttering, your walls spasming around his cock.

sunghoon groaned, teeth sinking into your shoulder as he buried himself deep, cumming inside you without pulling out.

“fuck… fuckkk, baby…”

he held you there, cock twitching inside you, both of you breathless and slick with sweat and cum.

you collapsed against his chest, and he stroked your back, whispering sweet things as you came down from the high.

“you did so good, baby. best fucking student.”

you giggled weakly. “best teacher.”

he grinned against your skin. “lesson two’s in ten minutes.”

you were slumped against his chest, sticky and spent, your thighs trembling from the effort. sunghoon gently stroked your spine, humming softly like he wasn’t the one who just had you seeing stars.

but then you felt it.

that unmistakable twitch inside you.

you gasped.

“wait—hoon… you’re still hard?”

his voice was pure mischief now, cocky and low in your ear. “i told you. lesson two’s in ten minutes. but you’re such a fast learner…” he tilted your chin up, his smirk deadly. “thought we could skip ahead.”

before you could answer, he was shifting you effortlessly, flipping you onto your back like you weighed nothing. his body hovered over yours—warm, slick, glistening with sweat. the dim lighting made his skin look like gold, hair a tousled mess, and his lips were swollen from kissing you like he needed you to breathe.

“legs up,” he murmured.

you blinked, still hazy. “w-what?”

“legs up, baby. now. hands under your knees. i wanna see everything.”

and god—you obeyed.

he groaned at the view, pupils blown. “fuck, look at this mess… all because of me.”

he didn’t waste a second. he slid back inside with ease—your walls still sensitive, wet, perfect for him. you let out a gasping whimper, eyes flying open.

“too much?” he asked, faux sweet, brushing hair from your face.

you shook your head quickly. “n-no… don’t stop…”

he grinned. “good girl.”

he started slow—too slow—just rocking his hips in lazy, deep thrusts. each roll dragged a moan out of you, your overstimulated body twitching beneath him.

“you’ve taken me so well tonight,” he whispered, lips brushing your cheek. “you’re not even trying to run away now…”

you whimpered, fingers clutching his shoulders.

“you like it when i fill you up, huh?” thrust. “like when i don’t hold back.” thrust. “you were made for this, weren’t you?”

his hips snapped into you harder now, and your moan turned into a cry. your hands scrambled for purchase, nails dragging down his back.

“fuck, you’re squeezing me again,” he groaned, pace quickening. “you gonna cum again, baby?”

“i-i don’t know—hah, too much, i can’t—!”

“yes you can,” he growled, one hand gripping your jaw. “open those pretty eyes and look at me when you fall apart.”

and when you did—legs shaking, eyes rolling, moaning his name like a prayer—he followed right after, pushing deep and cumming with a broken gasp of your name.

he didn’t move for a moment, forehead resting against yours, both of you covered in heat and breathlessness.

finally, he chuckled. “third time’s the charm, huh?”

you could only giggle weakly, completely wrecked.

“my best student,” he whispered, kissing your lips. “but you’re not graduating yet. i’m keeping you in class forever.”

your legs were jelly. like actual, boneless, no-sensation-left jelly. sunghoon didn’t even give you time to whimper about it. no—he just swept you up bridal-style, still looking like he didn’t break a sweat, and padded right into the kitchen with his bare ass on display like he owned the whole goddamn hotel room (and you. very much you).

you blinked as he set you on the cold counter, your skin prickling.

“h-hoon… water first?”

he just smirked. “i’m thirsty, yeah. but not for that.”

you knew that look.

that glint in his eye.

the same one he had the night he bent you over the shower door.

“baby…” you started, weakly trying to protest.

but he already had your knees spread again, palms pressing your thighs apart like he was flipping open a favorite book.

“can’t help it,” he muttered, eyes locked on your completely ruined core. “you look too good like this. like you want me to make a mess in here too.”

“but—countertop—hoon this is a kitchen—”

“and now,” he purred, dragging his length along your entrance with a dark grin, “it’s where i’ll eat you, too.”

you nearly screamed.

he slid in without warning—your whole body arched off the marble. he grabbed your waist, holding you still as he bottomed out again, slow and deliberate.

“still so tight,” he groaned. “after all that?”

you sobbed a little laugh, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“fuck, you’re incredible,” he whispered, forehead pressed against yours. “ruined and perfect and mine.”

his hips started moving, hard and fast—filthy wet sounds echoing with every thrust. your back kept thudding against the cupboards, the fridge humming violently beside you.

“anyone could walk in,” you gasped.

“let them,” he growled, hand wrapping around your throat just enough to make your head spin. “let them see who this pussy belongs to.”

your moan came out wrecked.

he drove into you like a man possessed, the counter rocking beneath your bodies. sweat dripped from his jaw, and his voice went breathless:

“gonna fill you up again,” he whispered, right in your ear. “you’re gonna be leaking me for hours, baby.”

that was all it took—you clenched around him, body trembling, and he lost it, spilling inside you with a hoarse cry of your name.

he collapsed into your chest, both of you panting, sweaty, sticky, and probably going to have to bleach the counter.

after a minute, you groaned, weakly swatting his back.

“what happened to just water?”

he smirked against your skin. “hydration starts with you.”

sunghoon’s still inside you when he leans in and kisses your temple. it’s soft. way too soft for someone who just absolutely demolished you on a hotel kitchen counter.

you’re both still breathing heavy, your chest rising against his, your thighs twitching around his waist.

but hoon doesn’t move.

doesn’t pull out.

just holds you like he’s afraid the moment might dissolve if he lets go.

“baby…” he says it quietly, like he’s scared to break the calm. “we’ve got a little time, right?”

you nod, a little dazed. “mhm.”

he finally smiles. that soft one. the rare kind. the one he only gives when it’s just you and him, wrapped up in the low hum of hotel aircon and the warmth of being close.

“then i’m not done yet.”

your stomach flips.

before you can ask what he means, he’s pulling you off the counter—slowly this time, carefully—and carrying you bridal-style again, lips brushing your shoulder.

“gonna make the most of every second, angel,” he murmurs, eyes dark. “wanna remember how you sound. how you look. how you feel.”

he lays you down on the big hotel bed, sheets still crisp and hot from earlier.

and this time?

he takes his time.

his hands move slow, like he’s memorizing you. lips pressing gentle kisses from your collarbone to your thighs, whispering between every one.

“love how soft you are…”

“god, look at you—so pretty like this…”

“gonna keep you full, baby. wanna stay with you like this until the sun comes up.”

and he does.

there’s no rush. no teasing. just sunghoon, worshipping you like you’re his last good thing in the world.

he kisses every part of you, murmurs praises against your skin, and when he slides into you again—it’s slow. achingly slow. just hips pressed together, foreheads touching, fingers intertwined like he’s holding on for dear life.

you’re not just his tonight.

you’re his home.

and maybe the world outside is chaotic and cold, but here?

with him?

it’s soft. safe. sinful. sacred.

and when he finally falls asleep, arms wrapped around you, lips ghosting “i love you” into your shoulder—you believe him.

.

the sun barely peeks through the hotel curtains, soft light filtering in like it’s trying to give you a break. but no. no peace. not when you’re dealing with park sunghoon.

you’re standing—well, attempting to stand—in front of the mirror, trying to shimmy on your shorts. your legs feel like noodles, your thighs ache, and your hips scream in protest with every movement.

“babe,” you groan, gripping the edge of the dresser for support. “I can’t walk.”

from behind you, he hums—fucking hums—like he didn’t just ruin your entire lower half hours ago.

“you shouldn’t have looked that good last night,” he shrugs from the bed, sheet half-draped over his naked waist, eyes heavy and smug.

you shoot him a look in the mirror. “you say that like it’s my fault my thighs exist.”

he grins. “it is your fault for looking at me like that. like you wanted dessert—and not the kind on the menu.”

“sunghoon—”

but before you can finish, he's behind you, arms slipping around your waist, lips ghosting along the curve of your shoulder. you jolt.

“sunghoon, I’m literally trying to put my pants on—”

“you don’t need pants,” he mumbles, voice low and sleepy and dangerous. “just lay down for a second. just one more.”

“you said ‘just one more’ like four orgasms ago—”

he gently tugs the shorts from your grip, lets them drop to the floor again.

“baby,” he pouts, pressing a kiss to your neck, “can’t help it. you’re walking around all sore and pretty, making those little noises when you bend, acting all shy—what am I supposed to do? respect you?”

you snort. “yes?!?”

but he’s already guiding you back to the bed, back to him, back under the covers where his hands are warm and his mouth is hungry again.

and when he pushes your legs apart, head dipping between your thighs, tongue flicking slow and evil over your inner thigh, you realize—

you’re not walking out of that hotel room soon.

[THE WALK OF “FAME”]

you step out of the hotel with sunglasses too big for your face and a cap pulled so low it nearly hides your whole soul. your body’s still screaming for rest, but your manager’s van is already parked just outside, tinted windows and all. no time to cry.

well—maybe a little whimper when you shift your legs.

you glance down at yourself. hoodie? check. shorts? regretfully, check. confidence? left it in the sheets of that king-sized bed where he is probably still sprawled, proud and shirtless.

your phone buzzes.

sunghoon: you forgot to kiss me goodbye sunghoon: also i found ur sock under the bed lol. want it back or should i keep it as a trophy?

you almost trip over your own feet from laughing. covering your mouth quickly, you slide into the backseat like an embarrassed criminal on the run.

you reply with a selfie—sunglasses, pout, middle finger up.

you: keep it. bury it. i never wanna see that cursed room again. sunghoon: cursed??? wow. so u scream my name like a prayer in cursed places now huh? got it.

you physically bite your lip to keep from smiling too hard, but your manager glances at you in the rearview mirror. you straighten up, pretending you’re just… normal. functional. not completely demolished by park sunghoon.

[THE FANMEET DISASTER THAT WASN’T]

you’d been smiling all day, hearts and polaroids flying, fans whispering sweet words that made you feel lighter. until… he walked in.

disguised in an oversized hoodie, baseball cap, mask—as if that jawline could be hidden. you almost broke character when you recognized the slouch of his shoulders, the way his fingers fiddled with the strap of his bag like a schoolboy with a crush.

you play it cool when he approaches.

"name?" you ask sweetly, not even hiding your smirk.

he tilts his head. “hoon. with an h.”

you scribble it down on his photocard, doodling a heart beside it. "thanks for coming, pengsoo. you’re really cute." then you leaned close, just enough to whisper. "you crazy bastard, if you get recognized I'm out of this."

he stares at you. “...thanks,” he says, flat. and walks away dramatically like he’s the one being played.

[THE VAN]

you finally climb into the random van later, excusing yourself from your manager and members. you even dragged a rookie staff to sit in front so you and hoon could have the entire backseat to yourselves.

as soon as you slide in, sunghoon’s arms cross. he looks away dramatically.

“oh, you’re mad now?” you laugh.

he glares. “so you treat your fans better than you treat me? I waited 40 minutes in line and all I got was a you’re cute and a smile like you didn’t make me almost break the hotel furniture last night.”

you giggle, poking his cheek. “you are cute.”

“not the point!” he whines. “you called me ‘sir’ and everything—who even taught you to be that sweet?!”

you lean in, pressing a teasing kiss to his jaw. “guess I’m just that good.”

he sighs dramatically, already pulling you into his lap.

"you're gonna pay for this. you know that, right?"

you blink innocently. “what’re you gonna do? break my legs again?”

he narrows his eyes.

“…worse. I’m gonna make you fall harder.”

the van rolls through the city, a lazy sunset washing golden light over tinted windows. you’re curled into sunghoon’s lap, hoodie sleeves hiding the way your fingers keep sneaking up his sides to poke him like you’re five.

“stop,” he says, grinning, arms wrapping around your waist. “you’re gonna get us caught.”

“you started it!” you whisper back, smacking his arm as he leans in to nuzzle your neck.

“oh my god—hoon, shh,” you giggle breathlessly, swatting at him again. “what if they hear?”

he chuckles, voice low and teasing against your ear. “shoot, haha.”

and then his hands are moving—fingers spidering up your sides, making you yelp as he tickles you mercilessly.

you squirm in his lap, laughing, trying not to be loud, but his mouth is curled in that smug smirk that means he’s enjoying every second of this.

“you’re evil!” you gasp, face warm, breath hitching when you shift and feel—

“…you’re hard,” you say flatly, raising a brow, hair all over your face as you freeze in his lap.

he stops tickling, blinking at you.

“you’re definitely hard,” you repeat, a little louder, a little smugger.

sunghoon rolls his eyes. “you’re squirming in my lap like a cute little worm, what do you expect?”

you smack him again. “don’t call me a worm when you’re—”

“raging. yeah. your fault.”

you stare at him, flustered, breathless, laughing, your forehead pressed against his shoulder as you try to calm your heart—and everything else he just activated.

“I hate you,” you whisper.

“you love me,” he whispers back, arms tightening around you like he’s scared you’ll vanish.

and you do. you really do. even if he’s currently a menace in every sense.

up front, your manager exchanges a knowing glance with hoon’s, the two of them scrolling on their phones, pretending they didn’t hear any of that.

the rookie staff just sips her coffee.

“…she’s really quiet today,” she comments.

both managers nod.

“yup. probably just tired,” hoon’s manager says, deadpan.

they’ve all known for months.

they’re just pretending they don’t.

because the love these two idiots have? it’s the kind that can’t be managed out of them anyway.

the rooftop was quiet, lit only by the soft glow of fairy lights they’d strung up in a rush. takeout containers litter the picnic blanket they brought, drinks sweating in the evening air, and the city lights below blink like they’re watching—silent witnesses to a love that never stood still.

you’re lying beside him, his hoodie pulled over your head, sleeves long enough to swallow your hands. sunghoon’s cap is low on his face, but the smile he’s been wearing all night? yeah. nothing could hide that.

“you know we’re not really disguised, right?” you murmur, nudging him with your knee. “we look like staff, sure, but we still shine like dumbass stars.”

he snorts, hand reaching out to hold yours. “it’s because we are stars. duh.”

you laugh, the sound soft and small and just for him. your manager had reluctantly agreed to this—one last date before he leaves with his members tomorrow. they’d whispered, “make it quick,” but they knew damn well these fools wouldn’t listen. love like this doesn’t follow call times.

hoon sits up, arms stretched over his head as he yawns. “should we go?”

“you wanna go?”

“no.”

you grin. “then stay.”

and just like that, he pounces.

you squeal, trying to escape, but he’s already chasing you around the rooftop like a lovesick idiot. he catches you by the waist, spinning you, your laughter echoing into the sky as you crash onto the blanket again, breathless and tangled.

“you’re crazy,” you whisper.

“you’re stuck with me,” he whispers back, nose brushing yours.

and then he kisses you.

slow at first. gentle. like he’s memorizing the shape of your lips, the taste of you, the way your breath stutters when he pulls you closer.

but it doesn’t stay slow.

not when you cup his face. not when your hands disappear under his hoodie. not when he presses you into the blanket with a soft groan like he’s trying to mold your bodies into one.

his hand slips under your shirt, warm and reverent, like he’s trying to say goodbye without ever using the word.

you kiss him harder, just to shut the sadness up.

because tomorrow’s coming.

and he’s leaving.

but tonight?

tonight, he’s yours.

in every laugh.

in every kiss.

in every heartbeat pressed against yours.

it’s quieter than usual in the company building. late, after practice hours, when everyone’s tired and scattered. the hallways are mostly empty except for you and sunghoon, sneaking through the dimly lit space like you’ve got all the time in the world… but neither of you do.

you stop in front of a door tucked at the end of the hallway—a secluded little area you two like to use when no one’s around. the walls here are soft and quiet, like they understand the weight of your secret love. hoon looks down at you, his face unreadable for a second before his lips pull into a smile, a bittersweet one.

“this is it, huh?” you whisper, looking up at him.

he doesn’t answer right away. instead, he just pulls you into him, his arms wrapping around your waist like it’s the only thing that makes sense anymore.

“you’re not going anywhere,” you murmur into his chest, but the words feel hollow even to you. because you know tomorrow, he’ll be gone.

hoon pulls back slightly, his eyes softer than you’ve ever seen them. there’s so much unsaid in that look, but then—his lips. they’re on yours before you can stop it.

it’s gentle, a slow burn of goodbye, but it doesn’t stay that way for long. it deepens as his hands slide to your neck, pulling you closer as if he wants to hold onto this moment forever. you kiss him back with everything you have, even as the pain in your chest starts to build.

the sound of footsteps approaching pulls you both apart with a snap, hoon’s fingers brushing your cheek one last time before he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“i’ll text you. and don’t forget to check your bag,” he whispers against your skin, voice low.

you blink up at him, confused, but before you can ask—he’s gone. disappearing into the hall, leaving you standing there, heart pounding.

.

later that night, in your shared dorm, you slump onto your bed, exhausted from the chaos of the day. your three friends—who all know the secret—are chatting around you, unaware of what you’re about to find.

you’re digging through your bag, mind on something else, when your fingers brush against something unexpected. a plastic bag, slightly crinkling as you pull it out. it’s filled with all your favorite snacks, the ones you’ve been craving but haven’t allowed yourself to eat in weeks.

your heart skips a beat, and for a moment, you just sit there in disbelief. hoon knew. you can almost hear his voice in your head—“you’re too hard on yourself. eat the damn snacks.”

you grin to yourself, because even though he’s gone, he’s still here with you. in these snacks. in his words. in the little ways he’s still taking care of you.

you text him back immediately: “you’re an idiot. but i love you.”

his reply comes almost instantly. “just wait until i’m back. i’ll sneak way more stuff into your bag.”

you laugh softly, shaking your head, because damn, even from a distance, he’s still making everything feel so damn real.

.

the next day, hoon’s getting ready to leave, and his members are, as usual, teasing him. sunoo and jungwon are in the van, and they’re not even trying to hide their amusement.

“dude, you’re like obsessed with her,” sunoo teases, grinning like a little shit. “you’ve barely been here all week.”

jungwon raises an eyebrow, smirking. “i thought you were supposed to be the one who couldn’t keep your hands off her, and yet... here we are.”

hoon groans, his face flushed with embarrassment. “shut up, you guys. she’s not just anyone.”

“right, right,” sunoo grins. “she’s the one.”

“can you stop?” hoon mutters, slumping back in his seat. “this is not the time to talk about this.”

but then, sunghoon’s phone buzzes. he glances at it, a soft smile creeping onto his face as he reads the text from you. his heart clenches, but before he can respond, sunoo smirks again.

“she texted you again? still sending you love notes, huh?”

hoon doesn’t say anything, just stares out the window, because damn, he’s going to miss this. miss her.

but for now? he has one more ride with his members. one more teasing session. one more stolen moment of normal before everything changes.

your night starts normal. you're back at your dorm after a schedule, hair tied up, hoodie on, eating cereal for dinner while watching a romcom you’ve seen a hundred times. your phone buzzes with messages from your members, random memes and updates. nothing special. just another quiet night.

until one of them says, “hey, did someone order food?”

you blink. “no?”

they go to check anyway, and you hear faint footsteps in the hallway. a small knock. then—quiet.

a beat.

another beat.

“um… you might wanna see this,” your member calls.

you shuffle to the door, cereal still in hand, until you freeze in the doorway. because standing there, wearing a black cap and a freaking mask under a hoodie is sunghoon.

real. in the flesh. looking at you like no time has passed.

your cereal bowl literally drops on the floor. he flinches. “whoa—are you okay?”

you don’t even answer. you launch yourself at him, arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder.

“you asshole,” you mumble. “you’re actually here?!”

“yeah,” he whispers. “i’m here. i’ve always been here.”

later that night, you’re on the rooftop again. the same one from before. the one with memories still stitched into the wind.

sunghoon brought your favorite drink, two snacks from the convenience store, and a blanket. he didn’t need to go overboard—he just needed to be there.

he pulls you into his side, both of you wrapped in that soft blanket, backs against the wall as the city lights flicker below.

“i missed you every single day,” you whisper.

he kisses your temple gently. “i never stopped loving you. even when i had to pretend.”

you look up at him. “so… what now?”

sunghoon turns toward you with the softest smile ever. “we keep going. even if we’re shadows in our own love story. even if the world never knows.”

“we’ll still have our little world?” you ask.

“always.”

he leans in and kisses you, slow and full of all the months you’ve both spent waiting. and in that moment, even the moon feels like it’s holding its breath for you two.

and your love does continue. hiding in plain sight. anonymous glances in music shows. strangers in public, lovesick fools in secrecy. hotel rooftop dates. secret messages in fan letters. little scribbles in notebooks. a hoodie that smells like the other person. staff members who pretend not to know. call signs – he'd call you yeowoo (fox or yeobo / honey), as cringe as that sounds, you call him pengsoo(nghoon) anyway. and a love that burns quietly, brightly—behind closed doors.

and maybe… just maybe… both of you’ll last.

a/n: that's the end. thankyou for readingggg

taglist: @kpoplover-19 @kpoppiesofinternet @hooni3luvs @stta-princess @softservesungie

@starry-eyed-bimbo @jessicaradreamer @btsreadss @butterflydemons @honnieswife

@synielve

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

A ramble on imposter syndrome and the accessibility of witchcraft

So, I’ve been thinking. I think a lot in case you haven’t noticed. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the major imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling lately in regards to this blog. TL;DR is at the bottom of this post.

People have been, occasionally, sending me asks requesting my opinion on things/how I do things/what I know about XYZ topic. If you are one of these people, I promise I’m not vagueposting about you in particular- in fact, I love these questions! They’re so fun to get and they actually make me sit and think sometimes, or even encourage me to write out something that I’ve been meaning to for my book of shadows. Genuinely, they're wonderful asks to receive. These questions have made me confront something, however; my blog is still small, but some people actually like what I write and value my opinion even if just a little. 

I feel like a mimic hiding in the witchcraft community. I feel like, were people to truly understand my experiences, they would want to “expose” me for knowing so little.

So I sat down with those feelings and turned it over in my head and I’ve come to a conclusion. The fact is, I don’t do research. At least- not what I think of when people talk about research. My "research" consists of the occasional rabbit hole I go down, one and two halves of different books I never finished under my belt, what I see scrolling through various social medias, and conversations I've had with other witches. I check to make sure I'm not stepping on the toes of any closed practices- in fact, that's what most of my energy goes to when it comes to research. This isn't a complaint; I'd much rather know that my craft isn't appropriative.

But I don’t know much about mythology, even that of the deities I work with. I don't even remember the holidays and what they're for. I thought Nyx was an Egyptian deity until like four months ago because I'd just heard her name in passing as a child and had never looked into the mythology... Even though I mainly work with the pantheon she belongs to. Y’all, I’ve done like three spells that I remember. My book of shadows is a messy disaster and I love it but it's got so little information in it, because I rarely write things down. Most resources (especially mythology resources) are academically worded or difficult to read for me personally, and all of these things feel like secrets I have to guard with my life because if I were to ever say them aloud, people would know I'm a fraud.

Today I've come to the conclusion that that is, in fact, absolute bullshit.

Maybe it's not, maybe this post will make some people really upset, but in my practice it's bullshit. All of the above is a result of my ADHD and the fact that I am nothing if not a hands-on learner. My craft is mostly my own experiences because that's how my whole life is; I learn by doing. My ideal learning style is sitting with another autistic person whose special interest is whatever I'm learning about and just talking for five hours, but if that's not something I can do, puzzling it out myself is the next best thing. That's what I've been doing ever since I felt had a basic foundation for my craft. Hell, even before I had a foundation I was putting my own experiences into my craft because "Well that rule just doesn't fucking vibe with me."

This post is mostly for me, but partially for anyone who feels similar. We are not broken or doing witchcraft/paganism wrong. We are simply what happens when the kid who could never do homework ends up practicing the "religion/spirituality that comes with homework." Witchcraft and paganism, in my experience, is far from accessible when it comes to the typical image of it. UPG is what makes it accessible. So yes, my practice is heavily UPG, and I don't do as much research as I think people have assumed. But I'm going to let go of the idea that I'm a fraud, because frankly I know enough about witchcraft to have supported my practice this whole time and my deities haven't smited me yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

TL:DR:

Fuck the rules, I don't do much research. I've researched the "basics" and what I need to so I'm not stepping on any toes of closed practices, but people seem to think I know way more than I actually do. I've felt like I was lying this whole time but frankly witchcraft just isn't accessible to someone with my flavor of auDHD, so my craft relies heavily on UPG and I've decided that I'm not broken or wrong for that and neither is anyone else. I'm tired of seeing myself as an imposter just because I make my practice doable for me.

[punkitt-is-here]

I went back, read the FAQ, figured out I was working with bad information, and would like to present an actually polite version of the previous ask.

The other women you were having the "AFAB trans woman" debate with haven't been able to let go of it,

because anons have been accusing them of gatekeeping and TERF politics for providing anecdotes of, basically, AFAB people identifying as trans women to mock or overthrow their social groups. Citations below:

https://strawberry-crocodile.tumblr.com/post/742523159739334656/aita-for-warning-new-transfem-friends-that-someone

https://necronatural.tumblr.com/post/754196456131428352/sorry-but-if-youre-afab-you-do-not-get-to-call

I understand that the brazen, all-caps-bold-text mockery of any ask on this topic is great for driving off hateful anons pointed at you,

but if you could lend some credit to @patricia-taxxon 's responses, for example, it'd help take some hate off her back and really hep build my respect for you as an artist.

This will be likely my last proper response on any of this so be chill about it

I really, genuinely do not care that much about this subject much at all. It is a passing thought to me. I made the original post, responded once or twice, and made a quesadilla. it was fucking delicious. I do not appreciate the way you have talked to me. If you're going to treat yourself like someone I have to earn the respect back of instead of a random stranger on the internet who was very brazen to me in a one-off inbox message, I am not going to care.

With that out of the way: I have read the citations you have listed. I do not care. I have read them, thoroughly considered their points, and I still do not give a shit. What you are pointing at here in the first one is an individual perpetrating shitty behavior. I am not saying that this is the case, but if there was an assigned-male-at-birth woman perpetrating the same information, it would become very apparent very quickly how obvious it is that the issue is not with their gender identity, it is with the information they are spreading. Anyone is capable of misinformation, and I am not going to shit on and belittle a completely niche gender identity because one woman on the internet fucked up one time. If I did that, I'd be a hypocrite and would not be practicing any sort of good faith towards people with gender identities I do not fully understand. This is a core tenant of how I approach queerness. I do not need to understand someone to respect them. I do not need to worry about how conservatives will see us. I do not need to worry about the larger queer community when one person is being off-putting. I am not a fucking square. I achieve a lot of inner peace by simply practicing what you have named "tits-and-beer gender liberalism".

The second post you have linked is also something that I have read. I have considered the points in said post. My stance has still not changed. I do not think ID'ing as a transfeminine person when you were assigned female at birth is an inherently transphobic concept. Plenty of people in my notes have described experiences that very clearly and understandably outline why they do or why others might identify with the concept. I fundamentally disagree with the response because I do not believe that it is a transphobic idea. I am a transgender woman and have been for about half a decade now. My relationship with femininity is complex, and I am a binary transgender woman. I think in the grand scheme of gender identities, switching from one binary to the other has been pretty easy for me mentally. I am not intersex, I have never detransitioned in any way, and my family has been incredibly supportive. I transitioned specifically for the euphoria I got from identifying as a woman. I still have a complicated relationship with womanhood. Someone who has gone through many more hardships than I have is probably going to have an even more complicated relationship with femininity, and that is why I have no trouble imagining why something like an AFAB trans woman would exist. Perhaps someone has a complicated relationship with gender in relation to their intersex status and feels that the journey that transgender women take more closely aligns with their own rather than cisgender womanhood. Perhaps they are non-binary and have still transitioned to a more feminine-leaning identity. Perhaps they have de-transitioned, but now they are irreversibly changed by that experience and they are, in a way of thinking, "trans-feminine" because they are transitioning back to femininity. It is not hard for me to think of reasons. It is not saying that trans women are not real women. I think it is very clear to me that "transfem" can easily describe an experience with femininity that differs from the cisgender experience. It is no less valid, it is simply different, as with all things.

"Transfem" can mean "a man transitioning into a woman", but it can also describe a complex approach towards self-identification. We can argue semantics all we want, but I do not care personally. I do not think transfem means transitioning from man to woman exclusively. I am a binary transgender woman, and I do not agree that that is all it is. My journey as a transgender individual has been very uncomplicated compared to others, but it is still an ocean deep. I do not want to reduce that journey and identification down to a simple "man become woman" because that betrays the inherent complexity of transitioning and figuring out yourself.

Ultimately, to me, it comes down to not giving a shit. I am rarely, if ever, going to meet an AFAB transfem person. You are rarely, if ever, going to meet an AFAB transfem person. It is an incredibly niche gender identity with a lot of baggage, as we have seen. It is never going to matter in the broad scheme of things that they exist because 99% of people are not going to bring them up in the wider conversation about transfemininity. I know that finding your identity can be a rough, arduous process. I am not going to deprive someone of the joy of self-discovery, even if it is a complex or contradictory idea. I do not fully understand neopronouns. I do not fully understand things like polyamory or he/him lesbians or AFAB transfems. I do not need to. In real life, you hang out with people and share food and good times together. None of this shit matters. If I am ever so lucky to meet someone with a contradictory or confusing identity, I am happy that my words may provide them comfort and that they won't live to hide themselves around me. Making someone feel like they have to hide parts of their self is the last thing I would ever want anyone to experience.

I have no beef with Patricia. I quite like her work. When I saw her response, I disagreed. I still do. I am not going to start agreeing with an idea I am expressly opposed to because someone asked. But it is not the end of the world. I would appreciate, if my followers are sending her harassment, that they fucking stop, because it's not that big a deal. If anyone from my post is sending anyone hate because of a public disagreement on that post, I ask you kindly to stop and go outside. I do not condone the behavior. It is not that big a deal.

I am going to go make myself a ham and egg sandwich and practice tits and beer gender liberalism now. I hope this satisfies your request in some way.

[papaver-decervicatus]

Cat/Mouse/Den: Pt. 4, Mus Urbanus

Fatal attraction is one thing but stuck on a stakeout, a certain little mouse decides to push her luck with the cat who's been chasing her... just how far is too far, and how much more can they take?

CW: Obsession, stalking, canon typical violence, intrusive thoughts, unsanitary wound care

Authors Note: Hahaha, remember how I said I was going to do shorter updates? Yeah well, I felt really bad for missing the previous week but I did have a lot of terrible IRL shit happen, so working through that was a priority. That being said, going back through all the amazing comments and everything everyone has written has been absolutely keeping me afloat! Thank you all so so so so so much, you will never know how much it all means to me.

There are a couple of Hannibal references in this part that, hopefully, will start to make sense by the last part of the story (which was, coincidentally, the first part written!) Not going to lie, I am just glad to publish this so I never have to think about this damned part again as I have been stuck on in for literal months. Also sorry if Soap's accent sucks, the only experience I have with anything remotely Scottish in the way of language tendency is my grandmother whose father was a Scottish immigrant and that's it.

Anyways, I hope you like agnst and interrogation scenes, because next week, König loses his faith in god and in mouse while tied to a chair! See you there!

❣️Cura ut Veleas ~ Caedis 🥀

PREV | Pt. 4 Mus Urbanus | 4.2k words | Mouse POV | NEXT

“Mouse?” A voice from in front of her calls out, but only after she deliberately drags her feet into the threshold of the neutral ground, alerting him of her presence. 

“Quiet as a.” She utters her usual response, stepping into the little flat in Buenos Aries, Argentina. She hears the smile as Soap sucks in a breath at her little joke. Her callback should be old by now, shouldn’t make him smile anymore, but he does anyway. He’s easy to get along with, something hard to come by in war. She crosses the minimal space between the two and takes stock of his little setup. 

For a mission, it’s luxurious. He’s sitting, in a chair might she add, with a scope poking barely out of an antique window on the 7th floor of an apartment building, looking into a busy market square. His arms rest on a table littered with little signs of life, a map of the area adorned with notes and coordinates in inexpensive ink, no less than 7 pens whose caps are chewed through (everyone’s got bad habits but this little sin of his drives poor Price up and down the goddamn wall), two disposable cups with sediment rings denoting how much instant coffee was drunk from them at a time before they returned to their places besides their drinker. Most notably, however, are two radios in a strange moment of near fornication– backs ripped open and wires crossed in an almost pornographic display of field ingenuity. 

Damn demolition specialists, she hears the echo of Gaz say in her head and she absentmindedly rubs the scabbed over cut on her left hand where the shrapnel of a certain someone’s frag grenade got her two weeks ago. She wants to be mad but-

“Hear any good ones, lately?” Soap turns to her, he’s disengaging from his post, changing his guard for her to take his spot, just as command ordered. He’s been in this little nest for about 6 hours and she can feel his desire to scuttle and tinker about radiating off of him. As he takes apart his gun, already aware and familiar that she refuses to use anyone’s but her own, his eyes shine to life. The color of sky blue permafrost, yet they radiate a certain lived-in warmth impossible to distance yourself from. Eyes almost like-

She bites her tongue at the thought. Bad time to be thinking about König… she mourns. But, speaking of the man.

“Yes, but it’s bad,” she offers, in fake warning as she sheds her outer jacket before moving to unhook the case that stands between her and the assembly of her gun. She knows the warning will only intrigue the poor pyrotechnic more. 

His smile is nothing short of sadistic as he raises an eyebrow.

“No, like, really bad,” she emphasizes, throwing a pleading look his way. His grin gets even more shit-eating-er if that sort of thing were even possible. “I mean it, MacTavish. Pass it along to your long-suffering Lieutenant, and you will be picking teeth out of your shit.” “I’m sure I’ve done worse to Ghost,” he supplies, rolling his shoulders. Yeah, I’m sure you have, she thinks but is much too self-preserving to say, especially aware that the Frankenstien’s monster of a radio he’s resurrected from two dead circuit boards is likely not secure enough to promise any real privacy. She would rather not alert Simon Riley that she’s become a dealer in his and Soap’s arm’s race of terrible jokes. He does not take prisoners, after all… 

“Alright, alright, just don’t tell him it’s from me,” she smiles, putting her hands up defensively in a quick jest. “Okay, play along with me now,” he nods along as he steps away from the perch and lets her take his spot at the table. 

“So, what's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a gluestick?”

“I know about two-thirds o’ this one.” 

Mouse trap baited. She smiles.

“Give it a go, then.” She wiggles in the chair, pressing her cheek to the crux of the sight and its metal holder. She sighs into the familiar feeling of control that settles into her bones as she hunches over.

“Can tuna piano but’cha can’t tuna fish?” He supplies, half teasing her already.

“Yep, but you’re forgetting something.” She sighs and goes to fiddle with the red-light optics extension, Command is confident enough in her abilities that she was specifically told to take it off for this one. She hears Soap whisper a quiet ‘oh shite’ behind her when he realizes he probably forgot to himself and she laughs a little. 

“What about the glue?”

Mouse trap set. Poor Soap, always getting himself into ambushes…

She smiles wide and hums remembering how excited her kitty-cat was to tell her this part. 

“See, I knew you’d get stuck on that one.” 

Mouse trap sprung. A moment of silence.

“Oh fuck me, that one is bad.” Soap chokes out a hearty laugh as he collects his discarded coffee cups from her side.

“No thanks,” she purrs as she finally sets herself into position. “Use it at your discretion, soldier.”

“Aye, that I will.” 

Soap goes to rummage through the kitchenette to her right and she takes the moment she lacks supervision to indulge herself. She does not move her sights to alert the man with her of the wandering of her eyes, instead, she scans windows and alleys without visual aid. The stale air threatens to choke her as she rakes over the golden-hued morning scene with desperate efficiency. 

After what feels like an eternity of stolen glances switching between her targeted area and anywhere he may be, she sees him. 

Technically, she has no way to know for certain that it’s König, she doesn’t have his usual wave or cheeky grin (affectionately referred to as a Cheshire Cat Smile in her own belabored heart) to alert her to his presence. That being considered, there is a masculine figure barely peeking out of a window into an alleyway who is just shy of 7 feet tall and his face is covered. Yeah, probably König. She smiles despite herself and her company. She wonders if he has radio access to her little hideout. 

(She remembers the seemingly endless weeks of his arrival to her perch. The early morning light hits the streets the same way it had hit the forest ground that day. Like a fairy tale prince, beseeching a princess on hand and knee, he would always somehow appear in her sights, nearly as though it was just meant to be! 

His form stands out tall and proud from its surroundings and she recounts every single reason he should not be here. By the third time their eyes caught she’d decided he was doing it on purpose, but she never let him get away with it without some acknowledgment on her side. She can only imagine that if she’s getting hunted for sport, her calling out his position will, at least temporarily, halt his advance. 

But by this rate, she’ll be in his mouth by the end of the year. 

His eyes are cold and bloodshot red. Painted tears lick their way down the hood she’s never seen him without, possibly a feeble attempt at impersonality? Maybe if he looks enough like a monster people will just trust their first assumption and leave him alone. But she’s never been one to judge a book by its cover…

“I see you, König.” She warns out to him. He stills among the foliage, bathed in sweet-honey-like warmth from the rising sun. He does not shy away from his imminent death on the business end of her rifle, of course not! Instead, he raises his chest proudly, seemingly aware that the loneliness in her yields to whatever greater magnetism the loneliness in him commands. He’s an enigma, it bothers her that of all the people to put the effort into finding her, it has to be him. Mostly she curses herself for promising him a next time all those encounters ago, if she��d known what sort of a game it would inspire in the predator stalking her like prey despite her flipping sniper rifle, she never would have said a thing. 

He may be in her scope, but he’s got her under a finer microscope to seek her out so faithfully. She wishes she got this sort of dizzying devotion from someone, anyone else. It is the third day this week he has found her.

What she expects to happen is what has happened for weeks now, 1) he hears her transmission, 2) he smiles at her as a predator smiles at pray, his eyes find hers and her hackles rise in utter terror, and 3) he hums to himself and turns away, self-satisfied enough to have won hide-and-seek for the time being.

That does not happen. 

Instead, König sits down, right where he is, and pulls out that monster of a knife he keeps strapped to himself. He throws it up and catches it without looking at it, instead his eyes are laser-focused on Mouse. This is, of course, despite the fact he should have no earthly idea where she is. He plays with his knife idly for what must be an hour, but she does not- no, can not- look away from him.

She remembers her trigger finger twitching with sinful power, she remembers choking back the insistence at killing another lonely person, devoid of their autonomy on a basic level when they signed up for a mercenary-issued ticket to hell.

She remembers hopelessness. She remembers refusal. She remembers the smile reaching his eyes when she played along with his joke. 

“Why don’t rats like cats?” Her radio labors out. 

She half forgot what his voice sounded like, surprisingly excitable and shrill for a man of his stature. Her brain stutters around the implication of the only words she’s heard him say to her since the fateful ravine that gained Mouse her own personal 6’10” shadow. 

She blinks a few times in surprise, genuinely pondering if her long hours hiking through the woods have made her susceptible to hallucination and general hysteria. She is not thinking when she timidly responds-

“Why?” 

“Because they are weapons of maus-destruction.” Konig replies like it’s not the stupidest thing she’s ever heard in her goddamn life. Perhaps it's pity at the memory of his discomfort around his comrades. Of the thought of the way he tries to make his body so small when around others (truly an impossible task he routinely fails.) Maybe it’s irrational fear, twofold and buried in her instinct to shoot despite the clear disadvantage on his behalf and her insistence that she does not do her damn job, or fear of the inhuman man in front of her stalking her through the woods. Or it could be discomfort, no one ever prepared her for dealing with whatever the fuck this is in basic training or field school. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what it is.

In the sparkling, decadent light of a sunrise, her heart hammers in her throat at the first joke he’d told her, in some strange and desperate attempt to fill the meters of silence between them.

She laughs. 

And he hears it.

And with his wide stance, his ghastly executioner’s hood in the place of a crown, and his knife back in its holster- his beautiful eyes seem to smile. Suddenly, his eyes look lived in, like someone has just put up new curtains in an abandoned house. His whole affect changes hinging on what was an irresponsible outburst on her behalf at best.

And for the first time, she does not fear a monster hunting her through the woods, silent and purposeful in his pursuit of prey. Instead, she wants to understand a man, whose eyes have lit up like a princess has just laughed when he kissed her hand.) 

Soap wanders back into her small perch with two cups of coffee and sets one down next to her. She takes a quick glance and hums with appreciation. He takes another sip out of his and she remembers that they’re supposed to share shift for about an hour before his rotation ends.

“You treat all your girls to coffee in the morning?” She quips.

“Only the pretty ones,” he returns with an effortless charisma and her breath catches.

Not because of Soap, but because in that alleyway, where she really shouldn’t be looking, she sees the uneasy rise of two massive shoulders and-

Oh my god, did König just… get jealous? 

The next idea she has is downright evil, really this is not the place or the time or any of that but-

Fuck it. She’s already flirting with the enemy, what more could this do? She’s already told the poor mountain of a man something dangerously adjacent to “God I really missed you when we didn’t talk to each other for three weeks like a horny teenager and by the way I love you desperately and think about you when I’ve got my hands down my pants,” and she probably imagined him tensing up, anyways. No harm, no foul. 

Maybe, it's dangerous, to wave a steak in front of a mountain lion, but what if she wants to get mauled?

“Hey Soap, what page are you on?” She says, putting her terrible plan into action. She sees him look up from his report, or more likely an idle sketch, on her periphery. 

“Ah, only the second chapter, did'ya move my bookmark?”

“Nope, the book’s in the leftmost pocket in my duffle.”

“Thank ya,” He says and moves from his spot to go fetch the book from it. She takes a quick sip of her coffee, delighted to realize he’s made it to her specifications as far as milk and sugar go, as he rummages around in her bag.

The impromptu book club started nearly eight months ago when Nova passed her copy of Emma by Jane Austen off to Gromsko to help him with his English. That turned into Mouse recommending the book Jane Eyre to Nova on the pure suspicion that she would hate it, which she did. Gromsko still needed to practice and enjoyed the spirited discussions so he joined the blossoming group with an English copy of The Doll by Aleksander Głowacki after he finished Jane Eyre. Never one to be left out, and surprisingly well-read when he wanted to be, Soap had pitched the idea of The Lord of the Flies (because to quote “Fucking Brits,” and he wanted to subject others to his high-school reading list.) If she remembered correctly, Farah and Reyes had also started sharing copies of books they enjoyed occasionally.

“Can’t believe it was Gromsko that put it in rotation.” Soap says, pulling out a well-worn copy of The Silence of the Lambs from the bag.

“He said he picked it up years ago in Polish thinking it was a cooking field guide.” She offers, as the man next to her idly thumbs through pages.

“Yer shitting me, yeah?”

She just shakes her head and smiles into her scope. Soap laughs and removes his homemade bookmark, a pencil sketch of a stake-out view somewhere in Mexico scribbled onto scrap paper. He keeps his thumb on the page and flips through to where hers is, much further along.

“Yer a right romantic, ain’cha Bonnie?” Soap laughs somewhere between the pages and somewhere behind her. “Hmm?” 

“This part, that’ya highlighted,” she hears a well-meaning sneer in his words. “The one you put the hearts by and everything…”

Mouse’s mouth tethers itself into a terse line and she attempts her best noncommittal shrug. 

Somewhere in her line of sight, a mountain shrugs himself chuckling lightly. She wonders what it would feel like, to lay on his broad, muscled chest as he laughs, how closely he would hold her, how she could rest entirely on top of his chest and not touch the ground beneath them and-

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” She lies through her teeth. Soap’s laugh behind her is loud and proud. Suddenly, his casual sadism isn’t so amusing when turned around on her. 

“Do you think it's because I like to look at you and think about eating you up—“ he reads from the book, voice dripping in mock chivalry and breathless romanticism. “About how you would taste?"

She feels her cheeks and ears heat up as Soap loudly proclaims her funeral to all those who may care, and she doesn’t miss the way König leans a little too close to his radio as he goes about mocking her. His stance shifts as if he hangs on the very words like he’s found a secret buried deep in her subconscious. Technically, she has no way of knowing, but Mouse knows in her heart that König is smiling. At least someone is having fun. 

Once Soap comes down from his laughing fit he puts her bookmark back to its spot and talks at the back of her head. 

“With your pressed flower bookmark and everything. Oh, it would be sweet if he wasn’t Hannibal the Cannibal.” Soap hisses out. “I always figured you were…” he pauses searching for the right word, “adventurous from how Gromsko talks bout ya, but seriously cannibalism?”

If she’s not mistaken, König’s hand grips ever so slightly tighter on the radio attached to the best. Maybe the battle plan has to change, but she’s still got some ideas. 

Soap is completely oblivious to the electricity licking up the air between her perch and one man on the ground. He looks around frantically, seemingly desperate to find her, and look in her eyes. Mouse is a sniper, she really should hate the attention, but something fatalistic descends into her smile as she lets Soap continue his little outburst. 

“I swear. You and him, yer sure there’s nothing there? He’s even given you special field medicine lessons, no one gets treatment like that from Gromsko.”

“His name is Sobieslaw.” Notably, it is not a denial. Technically, everything that’s just been said is the truth. 

König’s shoulders rise. 

He looks right down her site. 

She smiles. 

Come and get me, kitty-cat. 

“See! That’s what I’m talking about. You’re the only person who calls him by his first name.”

“Because you never put in the effort to learn it.”

“That don’t mean a thing since I don’t have tits.” 

“You do, just not as good as mine.”

“Aye, off it. Gromsko is into you.” She can hear from the way Soap’s voice carries haphazardly around the room that he is pacing and talking with his hands. She doesn’t turn her back, gaze still fixated on the looming shadow in her sights. Soap continues, entirely unaware of the exact type of beast he is tempting. “He swaggers around you, never even bothers to fucking ask to pick up your boxes, he just does it. His voice gets all soft around ya, too, like he’s cooing at a goddamn pet animal or something. He nearly got into an actual pissing contest with Ghost the other day when he bitched about you beating him in poker. Face the facts, Bonnie, he wants you.” 

König’s eyes have focused with the ferocity of an apex predator and his chest labors out concentrated and sharp inhales and exhales. He resembles a recently sharpened knife, desperate for some carnage after a particular kind of attention. His body is crumpled in on itself not unlike a cat getting ready to pounce. His heels dig desperately into the cobblestones beneath his feet. His hand flicks out his beloved Glock field knife with all the reverence of a praying man.

In short, he looks every part like he does in immediate battle. He looks like he did the split second before he started sprinting for her in the snowy woods, the scene that occupies her lonely nights when she tries in complete vanity to recreate the feel of his hands cradling her sides.

Mouse should be scared of König.

Instead, she sees before her a scene of complete and hopeless adoration focused so intently on her alone that she should be afraid of. Realistically, she recognizes the clear and present danger of the moment. Is König upset at her? At Soap? At a potential adversarial suitor by way of Gromsko? She doesn’t quite know, but after a career of intentionally hiding like a coward, she basks infatuated by the calamitous captivation he exhibits.

He looks like he wants to maul something to death.

As keen as she is on getting him close enough to try to get over to her (and ideally, throw her under him,) in her infinite mercy, Mouse decides the teasing has gone on long enough.

“I like Gromsko just fine, but not like that.” Soap audibly scoffs and König’s entire form relaxes. Both men mutter something to themselves before an encore of gunfire breaks out. Mouse’s heart stutters to a stop when her radio comes in.

“Visual on Gaz, he’s hit!” Nova calls out, clearly alarmed. Soap grabs for the radio right next to Mouse and brings it to his face, holding onto a few loose wires as he does to ensure the amalgamation does not fall apart in his fingers.

“Where is he?”

“Two blocks from south from you, Gromsko is a click out.”

Soap looks at Mouse with his heart bobbing in his throat. The pain and worry on his face is palpable.

“Go.” She says. Soap looks around frantically at their supplies, seemingly taking a split second worth of inventory, making as many life-or-death decisions as he can in such little time.

“Soap, listen to me,” Mouse soothes. “I keep overwatch, you take my TAC vest and stabilize him until he can get a medic.”

“Mouse, I can’t just leave you-” “You can, and you will. Go.” She says with all the finality of a door slamming shut. Soap doesn’t look at her again as he gathers her supplies and nearly sprints downstairs. 

Soap leaves. Quickly. Quietly. He never looks back.

Her stomach settles into discomfort and she looks through the door he closed with the same sad nostalgia she looked through falling snow and monumentous trees. She can’t help but think she would not get the same priority in Gaz’s situation. Like some terrible premonition, she imagines bleeding out on the ground as Soap turns away, never once looking back.

Would König come for me? She ponders, before she smothers the paranoia-induced delusion with the memory of his large hands on her sides. She looks down at her shoelace, where she carved a cylindrical hole through his effigy to attach it. The birchwood mouse carving that sleeps at her right toe gives a silent reassurance: he never really left you, did he?

By the time she looks back into her scope, in between the all-too-familiar white noise of war that’s broken out around her, she sees a shadow dart out from the alleyway one down from where König is. The figure is cloaked in the specific type of military fatigue denoting his affiliation, one that is unluckily for him, kill on sight. It ducks behind the building to the right, where König is. It stalks out, lining itself up behind the hooded man, brandishing a drawn pistol.

König doesn’t have the time to react to the blood spray that litters across his back from the other man’s head once Mouse pulls the trigger on her gun, silently thankful (as awful as it is,) that Gaz getting hurt allowed her to take the shot without Soap inquiring into her actions. (But maybe it’s her fault in the first place that König was distracted enough to allow someone to get the drop on him…)

König looks back towards her and his head lulls to the side like a heavy flower bloom weighed down by morning dew. His eyes, somehow the softest she’s ever seen, are also carving a large chunk of her soul like a knife cuts through soft wood. When he lifts his hood to blow a kiss to her, she knows she will never get her traitorous heart back.

“Danke, mein Engel,” the radio on her table whispers in his voice.

“It’s only fair. I did owe you, after all.” She responds, all together unconcerned with whether or not he can hear her. She smiles, thankful she can see those bright eyes another day. 

When he turns away, she feels her entire heart walk away with him. With every step of his fleeting form, she feels less and less herself, as though someone had separated her shadow from where it meets her feet. Something has changed in the air between them, a sad resignation settles into her trigger finger when she releases it.

For the first time, she does not feel as though she wouldn’t run if he took her, but rather that some integral part of her is with him as he leaves. 

All is fair in love and war, but she’s not sure just how much longer she can stand to play cat and mouse.

taglist!

@kneelingshadowsalome @sprout-fics @bucca2 @dead-cipher @gallowsjoker @lostagoodcigar @berryjuicyy @haisebo @crowbird

And special thanks to @bucca2 and @ivymarquis for finally kicking my ass into gear to write this. Can't wait to read yall's WIPs!

[bunny7567]

I got you - chapter 23

Pairing: Rex x Jedi!ofc

Word count: 7.4k Tags/Warnings: grief; mourning; angst; Rex is the master of Freudian slips; contains some action/dialogue from Padawan Lost episode; Fox is such a little shit; god i need him; am i hinting at foxyio? am i hinting at vox? who knows; I truly believe Rex is a big romantic at heart; there might be too much happening in this chapter

A/n: the fact that i'm posting chapter 23 while 26 is still not finished is completely fine and not worrying me at all

Previous chapter | Next chapter

cyare - beloved cyar'ika - sweetheart, darling mesh'la - beautiful ner kar’ta - my heart; I'm using it more as 'my love' Gedet’ye - please Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum - I love you, (lit: "I know you forever.") ori'vod - older brother Jetti - Jedi; Jetiise - plural "Jedi"

~~~

“I really don’t like this”, Fives grumbled from the co-pilot seat as Tipoca City came into view.

“So you’ve said. Repeatedly”, Lexie said flatly, steering the Amaranth towards the landing platform.

“It feels like we’re replacing him”, he continued.

“Yeah, well, that’s exactly what we’re doing. And we have no fucking choice in the matter”, she spat.

The ship touched down on the platform and Lexie flipped some switches, turning the engine off. The rain was falling hard on the transparisteel, replacing the hum of the Amaranth with its constant pattering. The water pouring down on the viewport was distorting the outside world, giving it an eerie appearance, but she did make out the blast doors opening and an ARC trooper stepping outside in the downpour, waiting for her and Fives to come out of the shuttle.

It had only been a couple weeks since the Citadel and things were slowly beginning to feel easier. At first it was unbearable, with Lexie having to constantly remind herself that it wasn’t Echo she was seeing in the corridors, in the mess, on the battlefield around her. She had taken refuge in the Temple right after they honoured Echo at the 79s, and stayed there until they were redeployed a week later. It felt particularly difficult being in the cantina so soon, and after only one hour, she apologised to Fives and the rest of the men and left. Rex walked her to the Temple that night and was very understanding when she told him she wouldn’t be coming by the base for a few days, reassuring her that she did not need to feel guilty for needing some time.

She really did need the time and especially the space to process everything, to come to terms with Echo’s death, and so, she was eager to find a distraction. Luckily for her, Ahsoka had recently started using dual lightsabers, and when Anakin asked if she would help with her training, Lexie gladly accepted. She liked being outside on the training grounds and she did enjoy sparring with the young Padawan. Ahsoka was a very quick learner, picking up her suggestions and swiftly integrating them into her fighting style. Anakin has plenty of reason to be proud of her and Lexie made sure to let him know that.

Being around the clone troopers wasn’t easy, Lexie felt a pit in her stomach every time she saw an officer accompanying a Jedi through the Temple corridors, and so she did her best to stay clear of the war room or the communication center, instead spending the day either with Ahsoka on the training grounds or alone in her room. However, as challenging as it felt being around the clones, she did not want to be away from the Captain for too long.

They decided to meet in Monument Plaza one evening, spend some time together, just the two of them. They were both dressed in civvies, which was good for blending in with the crowd, but unfortunately not good for the much colder-than-anticipated weather. They had to be careful when in public, so Rex had a cap on, hiding his bleached hair, while Lexie had draped a shawl over her head. Yet, their attire was no match for the icy drizzle that started falling and she was shivering as the cold seemed to seep deep into her bones. Disappointment was filling her mind at the realisation that her plans for their date night were now ruined. Rex could easily pick up on it.

It wasn’t actually about the weather, nor about her plans. It was still about Echo. Lexie had done fairly well the past rotations – hidden in the Temple she had even managed to meditate, to acknowledge her emotions and let them go – but that had only been momentarily since at the first minor inconvenience tears were already gathering in the corners of her eyes. And with tears came frustration, and with frustration came anger. She was a Jedi, she shouldn’t be this affected by Echo’s death.

“Why don’t we go to that diner you keep telling me about?”, Rex suggested, appraising her with a worried look.

“Yeah… yeah that’s a good idea”, she breathed.

Lexie found his beautiful brown eyes gazing at her with the same kindness and adoration she had grown accustomed to these past few months and her lips curled into a small smile. It was quite short-lived however, as guilt began stirring in her chest. I’m not the only one hurting.

“I’m sorry, I-”, she started.

“What are you apologising for?”, Rex interrupted her, genuinely confused.

“How I’m acting… as if… as if I’m the only one affected by his death”, she explained quietly.

“Cyare”, Rex spoke softly, “you’re hurting, it’s alright”.

“We’re both hurting”, she countered.

“Yeah, we are”, he continued, gently taking her hand into his. “And we’ll get through it together. We both just need a distraction and to spend some time away from it all”.

“How are you so kriffin’ perfect?”, Lexie whispered reverently.

“I’m not perfect”, Rex declined, a small smirk, however, present on his face.

“I don’t know… you’re saying all the right things and you’re doing all the right things too. Plus, you’re really hot. Seems pretty perfect to me”, she insisted in a kittenish voice.

“If you say so, princess”, he shook his head with a chuckle. “Come on, let’s get out of the cold”.

He rearranged her shawl, tucking a couple of strands of blue hair under the dark green fabric. The two of them made their way to CoCo Town, taking the fastest route; Rex was grateful that she knew how to navigate Coruscant’s maze of public transport, since that was not something he was familiar with himself, only frequenting a couple of places on the planet.

Lexie was lost in her head as she led the way, quite eager to get somewhere warm, and to also finally bring Rex to the diner. All her past attempts to do so had been derailed by some mission or another. Thinking about it actually, the last time she had been there herself was between two covert mission, with Fives and… Echo. The realisation made her heart sink and she froze in front of the doorway as her mind was flooded with memories.

A cold gust of wind made her shiver, snapping her out of it and Lexie became aware of Rex watching her warily. She stepped inside the diner avoiding his eyes, instead looking around for an empty booth. The one she and her ARCs usually sat at was now occupied by two Balosar women – which was good really, she didn’t believe she could bear to sit there anyway. Just as she jerked her head to the left, indicating to the bar stools in front of the window counter, she heard her name being called.

“It’s good to see you”, Dex greeted with a big smile. “And who’s this one?”, he asked, looking over at the Captain.

“This is Rex, my… friend”, Lexie introduced him. The Captain respectfully nodded.

“Well, grab a seat where you can find one. This lousy weather is really good for business”, the Besalisk laughed. “Are the other two coming as well?”.

“Uhm… no”. Lexie paused, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Echo died. The… the one with the, uhm, handprint…”, she gestured vaguely to her chest.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. He seemed like a nice young man”, Dex offered his condolences.

“He was, yeah”, Lexie said, a sad smile curling her lips. She then cleared her throat and put on a neutral expression. “We’ll definitely start with some hot caf”, she changed the subject.

Dex nodded a couple times, pity visible in his eyes. “I’ll send FLO your way”, he replied, walking back to the kitchen.

Lexie sat down on a bar stool, looking through the transparisteel at the traffic outside the diner. She unwrapped her shawl from her shoulders, placing it on the counter. Rex took the seat next to her, following her lead and taking off his cap and unzipping his jacket. He then slightly turned in order to face her, his knees bumping hers.

“Are you alright, cyar’ika?”.

“Not particularly”. She ran a hand over her hair, smoothing down any strands ruffled by the shawl.

“I didn’t realise you came here so often with them”, Rex pondered.

“Getting food here after missions was actually turning into a bit of a tradition”, she chuckled. “Last time it was basically just me and Echo. Fives started chatting up a girl who was eating by herself and was walking out that door with her within, like, twenty minutes of us being here. Quite impressive, I’ll give him that”.

Rex huffed a small laugh just as FLO set two cups of caf and two menus in front of them. It took a little bit of arguing in order to convince the Captain to get whatever he wanted but Lexie did succeed with the help of some emotional blackmail along the lines of: “you’ll cheer me up if you let me pay for you”.

“How’s Fives doing?”, Lexie inquired after they placed their orders.

“Well, so far I’ve only had to retrieve him from the Corries’ lockup twice”, Rex grumbled.

“Two out of three. Not too bad”, she offered, slightly amused.

“You’re not the one on the receiving end of Fox’s death glares”, Rex commented.

“Tell Fox to comm me next time. I can handle the glaring”.

“No need. I revoked his privileges for the rest of the leave”, he informed, taking a sip of his caf. “I had to”, he then answered her surprised frown. “It was either that or Fox would’ve written a formal reprimand”.

“Oh. Makes sense I suppose. What about the others? How’s everyone else doing?”, she added.

“Morale is a bit low”, he shrugged.

“Hope you’re taking it easy on them. With training and everything”, Lexie half-joked.

“We’re soldiers cyar’ika, running battle sims is how we relax”, he responded with a small laugh.

Lexie gave him a look and shook her head, clearly not pleased with his answer. She didn’t like being reminded of it — of how things really were. He was a soldier. They all were. That’s what they’d been made for. And whenever that truth hit her, it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

“Something is bothering you”, Rex observed.

“It’s nothing”, she hid behind her cup of caf, taking a sip of the warm beverage.

Rex sighed, studying the features of her face. “You’re putting up walls again”.

“I don’t want to upset you”, she mumbled as she started picking at the skin around her fingernails.

“Lexie”, he stopped her, taking her hand in his. “Come on, talk to me”.

“Soldiers”, she repeated quietly, looking down at the cup of caf on the counter.

“I am a soldier, cyare”, Rex stated, his voice laced with confusion.

“Yeah but you’re more than that. And sometimes it doesn’t feel like you believe it”, she admitted, her tone harsher than she intended.

The words hung heavy between them, and the noise of the diner seemed to muffle around them. Lexie scanned his face, trying to make out what he was thinking as an unpleasant feeling of guilt stirred in her stomach. His brows were furrowed but she wasn’t sure if in confusion or anger and he was avoiding her eyes, focusing firmly on a point over her shoulder.

“It’s just… it’s just that if all you believe you are is a soldier, if you believe you’re expendable, t-then all you will do is focus on your missions”, she tried to explain herself, becoming flustered, her voice getting quieter with each word. “And you’ll… you’ll just jump in front of a fucking laser turret and I… I-I can’t lose you too Rex”.

Rex moved his eyes back to her face, catching a glimpse of a couple tears threatening to break free before she quickly wiped them away with the hand not in his grasp. Of course this was still about Echo, he knew it was. He squeezed her hand a little tighter and shook his head with a sigh, his shoulders slumping a little.

“Lexie, I need you to understand that I am a soldier. I was bred for war, there’s no point in pretending otherwise”, Rex spoke calmly. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t value my life-”.

“I know, I’m sorry”, she interrupted, “I don’t know why I said that, it was so stupid”. She avoided his eyes, gaze lowering back the counter. She really was feeling like such an idiot, once again spewing out words without thinking them through.

“Hey”, he softly said. “I understand why you’re worried, I do. But please, cyare, trust me when I say that I will always do everything in my power to come back to you. I love you, I don’t want to lose you either and I also don’t want to ever cause you pain”.

Her head snapped up at his words, her lips slightly parted and her brows raised. Her heartbeat quickened, warmth blooming in her chest as her eyes searched his face. “What did you say?”, Lexie asked, surprise clear in her tone.

“I don’t want to cause you pain”, Rex repeated.

“N-No, before that. Did… did you say you love me?”, she clarified, her voice coming out weak and hushed. Anxiety overtook her senses as she asked the question. Had she heard him right? Maker, what if she hadn’t? What if she’d just made everything awkward?

“I…”, Rex started, but the words died on his tongue as he realised — he had said it. And it hadn’t been intentional. That wasn’t how he wanted to tell her.

He’d planned it in his head for weeks, ever since the battle of Seccaya when he first felt the desire to speak those three words. Rex was going to wait a couple more months, both to give her and himself time to grieve Echo’s death, and also to inch closer to the half-year mark of their relationship. He would then take her to the botanical gardens if they happened to be on leave on Coruscant, or if, even better, they happened to be on a planet with lakes, or oceans, or even a river, he would try to sneak the two of them to the water.

Deep down, Rex wished they would be lucky enough to be next to the ocean around that anniversary – a callback to their first kiss. But he’d fumbled the plan. And from the hopeful look in Lexie’s eyes, he knew it would hurt her if he tried to walk it back now.

“I, uhh… yeah, I did”. The Captain brought a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it nervously. Then he straightened in his seat, took a deep breath, and found her eyes again. “I love you. And I-I know it’s too soon and I don’t expect you to say it back ye-”.

“I love you too”, Lexie confessed, a wide smile blooming on her face. The crinkle in the corners of her eyes leaving no room for doubt about how genuine the feeling was.

Rex smiled at her words – a beautiful, boyish grin that made butterflies flutter in her stomach. They held each other’s gaze for a few more seconds before they both burst into soft chuckles. It was a melodic laughter, a blend of relief and love and pure happiness. Rex was still holding her hand, and he brought it to his lips, planting a quick kiss on her knuckles.

“You didn’t mean to say it, did you?”, she asked between giggles.

“No”, Rex shook his head with a laugh, “I was going to wait a little longer. Had a whole speech planned and everything”.

Lexie’s eyes instantly lit up. “I want to hear the speech”, she almost whined.

“I don’t know cyar’ika”, he hesitated.

“Gedet’ye”, she pleaded sweetly, knowing very well by now that the Mando’a term always got her what she wanted.

“Alright…”, Rex relented with a sigh.

They were briefly interrupted by FLO returning with their food, but once the plates were placed on the counter and the droid waitress wheeled away, the Captain shifted in his seat in order to face Lexie better.

“Well, like I said, this was supposed to happen later. I, uhh, I was going to start by saying ‘cyare, we’ve been together for half a year now’, which, obviously, we haven’t yet”, he commented with a small, uncertain laugh.

“Yet”, Lexie smiled. “I like the sound of that. What were you going to say next?”.

“I’m not that good with words”, he excused himself nervously, gaze dropping to the floor.

“You’re better than you think, ner kar’ta”, she encouraged.

Rex took a deep breath, finding her eyes again. He could see it in how she was looking at him – expectantly, but not in a way that pressured him to speak – she was simply truly eager to listen to what he had to say. It wouldn’t matter if he stumbled on his words, it wouldn’t matter if they weren’t poetic – just the fact that he had prepared a speech, that he cared so much as to carefully think over what he wanted to say, it was more than enough for her.

“I never thought I would experience anything like this”, Rex began, his gaze steady on hers. “I never thought I’d feel this connected to another person, I… I never thought I would ever start dreaming of a life after the war. But you, Alexis, you made me realize that there is so much more to my existence than what I was bred for and… You’ve made me yearn for a future – one by your side. I used to be content with the idea of dying in battle, defending the Republic until my last breath. But now I… I want to survive. For you. Because I love you. None of us ever had much choice in anything in our lives. But choosing this… choosing you? It’s the best decision I’ve ever made”.

Lexie felt like her heart could burst at any moment and her smile was so wide it was making her cheeks hurt.

“That, uhm… that’s it”, Rex mumbled, bringing a hand back to the back of his neck. “I hoped I’d have more time to refine it a bit and there were some other ideas I wanted to incorporate into it…”.

“Is there a document somewhere on your datapad with this speech? Does it have bullet points like when you prepare for briefings?”, Lexie exclaimed, her voice a blend of excitement and teasing. Rex’s cheeks darkened and he let out an awkward chuckle. “Maker, that’s exactly how you wrote it, isn’t it?”.

Rex couldn’t help but start laughing at the pure joy he saw in her eyes. “I can’t believe I just laid down my soul in front of you and you’re making fun of me”, he remarked, feigning indignation.

“No, you don’t get it. I’m imagining how that document must look and it’s perfect, it’s so you and I love you so, so much”, she beamed.

The Captain shook his head with a laugh. “I’ll show it to you if you really want”, he suggested, knowing very well she would ask to see it anyway.

“Uhm, of course I want to see it!”, she eagerly replied. The way she was gazing at him then changed, her eyes filling with adoration, and she bit her lip as she thought something over. “Just so you know…you’re not the only one who’s been preparing”. She paused before taking a deep breath. “I’m probably gonna butcher this but here goes… Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum”.

The smile on Rex’s face was wider than she’d ever seen. “Cyare”, he breathed.

“Did I pronounce it correctly?”, she asked quickly.

“You did. I… I can’t believe you learnt how to say it”, he uttered.

“Well, you make me happy, happier than anyone ever has. I wanted to make you happy too”, she shrugged, a blush now visible across her cheeks.

“You do, mesh’la, you really do”.

Eventually, they remembered their food – now lukewarm but still good – and resumed their little date night, grinning like idiots the whole way through.

Rex was in a good mood the next day, so much so that he actually told Fives the reason when he was asked and did not mind one bit when his little brother began teasing him. It was actually a good sign – Fives was coming to terms with his twin’s death, and was slowly beginning to get used to being himself, without Echo by his side.

He went easy on the men that day, even joined in on the Sabacc tournament that Jesse and Hardcase started in the common room, and let them convince him to stay longer every time he tried to get up. It was late in the evening when he finally made it to his office, needing to go over some operational reports. Rex didn’t mind the administrative side of his job, unlike Wolffe or Fox, who were always complaining about it. In fact, he rather enjoyed it. Not as much as Cody, however, but if Rex was honest, nobody in the entire galaxy enjoyed flimsiwork like his ori’vod did.

A signal from outside his office pulled him away from the risk assessment report he was working on. He called for whoever it was to come in. The door swished open, and in stepped Commander Fox, his crimson armor gleaming under the dim light.

“Rex”, the Commander greeted.

“Fox”, the Captain acknowledged.

“Can I have a word with you?”, Fox asked.

Rex nodded, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk. The Corrie Commander strode to it and sat down, taking off his helmet and placing it on his lap. He appraised Rex with a steady gaze, his facial expression as unreadable as ever.

“If this is about Fives, I assure you-”, Rex started.

“It’s not about Fives”, Fox cut him off, “it’s about you”.

Rex frowned and leaned back into his chair, waiting for his ori’vod to continue speaking.

“I’ll cut to the chase”, he said, “I was on patrol in the CoCo District last night. Do you and General Khalla often spend time together like that? Just the two of you?”.

Rex straightened and took a breath, trying to silence the panicked thoughts that started ringing like alarms in his head. “Sometimes. She’s a good friend”.

“A friend you’re in love with”, Fox added.

Rex clenched his jaw and took a moment to decide how to reply. “Why are you here, Fox?”.

Fox leaned back in the chair, a smirk tugging at his lips and a “gotcha” twinkle sparkling in his eyes. “You didn’t deny it”.

“Is there any point? You, Cody and Wolffe have already decided I must be, don’t see what I could say to change your mind”, Rex scoffed.

“They’re worried you might get hurt”, Fox voiced, watching his little brother’s reactions carefully. “I was too, but now I think you might actually have a shot”.

Rex’s eyebrows shot up. “What?” – that was not what he expected his ori’vod to say.

“I saw the way she was looking at you. Not sure what you were telling her, but she was hooked on every word. I’d say she is interested”, the Commander shrugged.

Silence settled in the office, the Captain being at a loss for words. That really was the last thing he thought his big brother would tell him. Fox was actually… trying to encourage him? As promising as this seemed, however, he and Lexie had agreed not to let any more people find out. He decided to play dumb and take advantage of the fact that Fox hadn’t put all the pieces together.

“It’s against the rules”, Rex commented in a decisive voice.

“You don’t always have to follow the rules”, Fox huffed a small laugh. “It’s something you quickly learn when you’re in the Coruscant Guard”, he then answered his questioning squint.

“What rules have you been breaking?”, Rex challenged with a surprised huff.

“Wouldn’t you like to know Rex’ika”, the Commander chuckled. “Anyway, you should consider it”.

“Let me get this straight”, Rex leaned forward, resting his forearms on the desk, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  “You’re telling me I should start a secret relationship with a Jedi”.

“Well, speaking from experience, secret relationships can be pretty fun”, Fox replied, getting up from the chair.

Rex’s eyes went wide, and his mouth dropped open. “What do you mean ‘speaking from experience’?” he exclaimed, finally finding his voice.

The Commander smirked, put his helmet back on and walked towards the door. “See you around, Rex’ika”, he called over his shoulder.

“Vod, what do you mean?”, Rex shouted after him, getting up from his chair, but Fox simply ignored him and walked out.

Rex sat back down, gaze still fixed on the now-closed durasteel door. His mind was racing, trying to figure out which Jedi his brother could’ve possibly interacted with. There was no permanent General assigned to the Guard, but the Corries did occasionally work with Jedi on specific missions. Still, Rex had no idea which Jedi Fox could have worked with in the past. His ori'vod wasn’t exactly the most open person; hell, this was probably the most Fox had ever opened up to him. Rex leaned back in his chair, a chuckle escaping him in astonishment. He reached for his comm, opening the encrypted channel between him and Lexie.

CT-7567: You are not going to believe what just happened.

Her response came almost instantly. Rex glanced at his chrono, noting the time, and realized she was likely in her room.

General Khalla: What? CT-7567: Fox came by to tell me I had a shot with you, but that's not even the craziest part. General Khalla: I’m sorry what??? CT-7567: He saw us at the diner last night but there’s nothing to worry about. He suggested I start a secret relationship with you because, and this the unbelievable part, he knows FROM EXPERIENCE that it can be “fun”. General Khalla: Give me a sec there’s so much to process. General Khalla: From experience?? Who is he screwing?

Rex huffed out a laugh and shook his head at her reply before he typed his next message.

CT-7567: That’s what I’d like to know. General Khalla: You didn’t ask?? Dammit Rex. Detailsss. I keep telling you to get me details. CT-7567: I did ask, but he ignored me and left. Honestly, trying to get Fox to open up is like trying to get you Jettise to explain things in a straight line. General Khalla: Wow, a dig at Fox and at the entire Jedi Order in one single sentence. I’m impressed Captain.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, about to type something else when two messages popped up one after the other, making him laugh.

General Khalla: Don’t you roll your eyes at me. General Khalla: And before you make another Jetti comment, I don’t even need the Force to know that’s exactly what you did. CT-7567: If you say so, General. General Khalla: Back to Fox – you need to ask him again, and you need to get an answer. CT-7567: I’ll see what I can do but don’t get your hopes up. General Khalla: I’ll dig around too. See if I can find out anything. CT-7567: I hope you won’t start tonight. It’s late. General Khalla: Obviously not tonight. I was about to go to sleep when you messaged actually. General Khalla: And you better close those reports and go to bed too. We have an early briefing tomorrow. CT-7567: Sir, yes Sir!

Rex could picture it clearly in his head. He was certain she was shaking her head as she read the message, possibly huffing out a small laugh at the same time.

General Khalla: Goodnight ner kar’ta. CT-7567: Goodnight princess.

Lexie exhaled a breath of relief as she stood around the holo-table in the communication center at the Temple. She and Fives weren’t being sent on any more covert missions for the time being; her small team was under review since it was now one member short. Instead, Lexie was looking at a blue, flickering holo-map of Felucia. The planet had been under Separatist control ever since their defeat a year prior, and the Republic was now attempting to recapture it. She wasn’t particularly pleased with the idea of returning to the jungle world, recalling how unpleasantly warm and humid the climate was, but she could console herself with the fact that she would get to stay close to Rex.

Lexie was standing next to Anakin, listening to the Captain as he presented the mitigation strategies for the terrain and environmental hazards of Felucia. Wollfe had just finished walking them through the overall risk assessment and was now stood half a step behind Master Plo – from the look in his eye, Lexie was convinced he noticed that she had only half-paid attention to what he said. She was distracted, that was true, and the reason was Fives. The ARC was stood a couple steps behind her and, although he appeared professional, was struggling with an uneasiness that she could easily sense through the Force.

As soon as they took a break, Lexie stepped out of the room and gestured for Fives to follow. She didn’t go far, stopping in an alcove along the tall wall of the hallway.

“What’s wrong?”, she asked the ARC trooper.

“There’s nothing wrong”, he replied automatically.

“Fives”, she insisted.

“There really isn’t anything wrong, General”, he maintained.

“Take that helmet off, look me in the eye and say that again”, Lexie challenged, crossing her arms over her chest.

A deep inhale was audible through the modulator as Fives hesitated. He followed the first part of her order, taking off the helmet, but he did not meet her eyes.

“It’s just… I keep thinking about the last time we were on Felucia”, he sighed. “Echo was by my side the whole time”.

Lexie huffed a wistful laugh, a memory coming into her mind. “You weren’t very pleased with him on that mission if I recall correctly”.

“He did keep shushing us. It was annoying”, Fives chuckled quietly.

“Hmm…”, she hummed in contemplation before speaking again, her tone teasing, “and what exactly happened when you didn’t listen to him?”.

“…we were attacked by a Flying ripper”, he mumbled. They were both silent for a couple seconds, lost in their own memories. “Who’s gonna keep me in check now?”, Fives half-joked, his voice laced with bitterness.

“Kix probably”, she offered, making him chuckle slightly. “I miss him too”, she admitted quietly after a pause. “When I saw you earlier I… for just a fraction of a second I was confused why he wasn’t with you”.

Fives nodded. “I’ve been trying not to look in the mirror too much. Been brushing my teeth facing the urinals”, he uttered.

“That’s gross”, she snickered.

“It is, yeah…”, he agreed.

The silence settled again between them but the faint sound of voices from the communication center was carried out into the hall – Anakin and Ahsoka were bickering. Anakin was reminding his Padawan of the last time they were on Felucia and Ahsoka was insisting she had learnt from her mistake and was more than capable of leading her own squad. The deep voice of Master Plo sounded after a while, telling his Commander to adjust their strategy with Ahsoka in mind. Lexie chuckled at the young Togruta’s victory.

 “Do you think it’ll stop hurting anytime soon?”, Fives spoke all of a sudden, his eyes meeting hers for just a second before moving down to the floor.

“It’ll never truly stop hurting. But grief eventually turns into melancholy, and melancholy you can learn to live with”, Lexie voiced with a sad smile.

“That’s not as comforting as you think it is”, he shook his head with an amused huff.

“It’s the best I can do, honey”, she shrugged.

“I guess I have to appreciate the effort”, he scoffed in a teasing manner, making her chuckle. His eyes then flickered to something behind her. “Your boyfriend’s waiting”.

“Lower your voice”, she hissed, slapping his arm softly. Lexie turned her head, seeing Rex stood just outside the communication center, looking in their general direction, concern evident on his face.

“Relax, no one else heard”, Fives rolled his eyes, bringing her attention back to him. “Do you need me for anything here? Cause if not, I’ll head back to base and get started on mission prep”.

“No, you can go. If there’s anything else, it’ll be covered in the troop briefing later”, she replied.

“Are you coming by the base later?”, he asked.

“I…”, Lexie started before shaking her head negatively. “I’m sorr-”

“I get it, Lex, don’t worry”, he reassured before nodding to the Captain and leaving.

Lexie exhaled a long breath, her shoulders slumping a little, before she turned and walked towards Rex.

“You two okay?”, he asked.

“Yeah, just feeling melancholic”, she smiled wistfully.

“We’re back on”, he informed her, gesturing to the door with a jerk of his head. “Commander Tano convinced the generals to let her lead a squad, we need to adjust unit distribution”.

“Oh great. And here I was worried the briefing might end on time.”, she deadpanned, making him quietly chuckle as he followed her back into the room.

The humidity on Felucia was worse than Lexie remembered and even as the night fell, it did little to alleviate her discomfort. The air was so thick, no matter how deeply she inhaled, it felt like her lungs were not getting enough of it, causing her to be stuck in a perpetual state of uneasiness. And she was also drenched, they all were, after days of constant fighting, walking and running through the jungle their bodies were covered by sweat and grime. It was so bad that, during the couple of hours of sleep she had managed to get in-between battles, Lexie had actually dreamed she was taking a shower. But thank the Force, the mission was almost over.

This was the last outpost, once they captured it, they could be on their way. They were so close to the finish line and as Lexie and her squad approached through the dense vegetation, all she could think about was the shower in her quarters aboard the cruiser. The spray of warm water on her skin, the smell of her body wash she could not wait to use to finally clean the layers of dirt… maybe Rex right behind her in the compact space of the shower cabin. Snap out of it. She shook her head, trying to bring her focus back to the task at hand.

Lexie raised a hand, forming a fist and signalling for the squad of troopers behind her to stop. They were approaching from the right flank, while Master Plo was coming from the left. Ahsoka and her squad should be getting to their position at the back wall any moment now, and as soon as Anakin started his assault on the front gate, they would all simultaneously attack.

A clicking sound coming from behind caught her attention and Lexie turned her head to see Hardcase messing with some settings on his rotary blaster. She let out a breathy chuckle, more in confusion than anything else, but the small huff attracted the notice of the ARC standing beside her.

“Knock it off, trooper”, Fives ordered once he saw what she was looking at.

“Sorry Sir”, Hardcase complied, “just eager for a good fight”.

“And what were the last few days? Training sims?”, Lexie quipped.

“They weren’t exciting enough Sir”, the trooper replied, and from his voice she could just tell he was grinning under his helmet.

Lexie shook her head and chuckled. “Should be any minute now. Just waiting on the signal”.

And she was correct, within a minute Master Plo ordered their artillery to open fire, and once the gate was lowered and Anakin began his attack, Lexie and her team charged from the right flank. Lexie used the Force to jump over the wall, igniting her lightsabers as soon as her feet touched the ground. Her troopers were right behind, using jetpacks to assist them in getting over the fortification. The sound of blasterfire was filling the air and she could see the Kel Dor slicing through the droids on the opposite side of the compound. She and her squad started pushing through the droid defences, spreading out and making their way to the middle.

Lexie charged at a dwarf spider droid, jumping over it and slicing it clean through the middle with one of her yellow blades. She glanced towards the main gate, checking to see which 501st troopers from Anakin’s squad had made it inside the outpost. She briefly made out Jesse gunning down 3 battle droids before an urgent ripple through the Force made her turn in her heels. She quickly dove behind a trooper from her squad, deflecting a couple rounds of blasterfire that would’ve hit him in the back. He was one of the newer additions to the battalion, and as soon as he heard the commotion, he turned and started firing at the droids that almost took his life.

“Thank you General”, he said with a shaky breath once the droids were laid on the ground, smoke coming from the holes in their heads.

“Anytime. But watch your back from now on”, she shouted over the blasterfire.

“Yes, Sir”.

Her eyes skimmed over the simple teardrop painted on his helmet, matching the ones on his shoulder plates. Before she could say anything else, she had to quickly raise her lightsabers and deflect a new wave of blaster shots, this time coming from a group of BX commandos, while the trooper used his carbine to shoot as many of the droids as he could.

“Tup, was it?”, she asked over her shoulder as she swung her blades around.

“Yes, Sir”, the trooper confirmed from her left side.

“Good aim”, she commented as two BXs fell to the ground.

“Thank you Sir”, he replied, a hint of pride present in his voice.

 Her wrist comm then chirped, Fives’ urgent voice coming through. “More spiders on your right, General”.

“On it”, she replied as she charged at the three DSD1s.

With a swift push of the Force, she sent one of the spiders crashing into a group of battle droids marching behind it, a burst of sparks erupting as they collapsed in a crackling pile of short-circuiting metal. Lexie then stabbed her lightsaber through the second spider, its carcass melting around the scorching plasma of the yellow blade. She turned and was about to take care of the last DSD1, when Anakin dropped behind it, slicing the droid clean through.

“I had that, Skywalker”, Lexie grumbled.

“Should’ve moved faster”, her friend teased.

He then quickly made his way to the central platform, slicing the droids crossing his path, finally destroying the command droid. The clones easily gunned down the remaining B1s. Lexie extinguished her lightsabers and walked over the other two Jedi.

“The outpost is secure”, Anakin announced from the platform. “Good job, Corporal. Where’s Commander Tano”, he asked Comet.

“She was covering our flank when we scaled the wall”, the trooper replied.

Lexie could immediately sense the shift in Anakin’s emotions, anxiety flickering in his Force signature.

 “Everybody fan out. I want a perimeter sweep now”, he ordered before lifting his vambrace closer to his mouth, “Ahsoka, state your location”. He waited for a reply but nothing came through. “Ahsoka, come in. Can you hear me? Ahsoka!”.

“Let me try”, Lexie interjected, “maybe there’s a problem with your comm”. Anakin nodded, his eyes full of concern. Lexie lifted her own vambrace and cleared her throat before speaking. “Ahsoka, are you there? Can you hear me?”.

There was no answer and Lexie’s own anxiety was starting to rise. She glanced towards Anakin, noticing the way he was clenching and unclenching his natural hand. Her eyes then moved to Rex, now stood a few steps next to her, finding the black visor of his helmet.

“Let’s organise search parties, Captain. I’ll take a team and start at her last known location”, she instructed. The Captain nodded and began dividing troopers into groups. As she started walking away, a faint flash of hope flickered in her mind and she lifted her vambrace to her lips again. “Kix, come in”, she spoke into her comm.

“Yes, Sir”, the medic’s voice sounded.

“Is Ahsoka at the med tent by any chance?”, she asked.

“No Sir. Why?”.

 There goes my last idea. “Kriff’s sake. She’s missing… if she turns up there contact me immediately”, she requested.

“Understood, General”.

They searched all night, but Ahsoka was nowhere to be found. Lexie was just returning to the outpost, with Fives, Tup and Hardcase in tow from what was probably their tenth perimeter sweep, when she saw Rex coming up from the other direction. The Captain took his helmet off and shook his head negatively as he met her eyes, before approaching Anakin.

“General, we’ve been over the same area a dozen times”, Rex informed, “there’s no sign of Commander Tano”.

“Not good enough Rex, try again!”, Anakin ordered through gritted teeth.

The Captain gave a curt nod and met her eyes again as he turned to walk away.

“It’s not you he’s angry-”, Lexie started.

“I know, it’s alright”, he interrupted before leaving to regroup with the search party.

She watched him for a second then took a deep breath and joined the other two Jedi inside the compound.

“Skywalker, our mission here is finished. We must return to Coruscant”, she heard Plo Koon say as she came to stand by Anakin’s side.

“I am not abandoning her”, her friend declared.

“Your emotions are clouding your judgement”, the Kel Dor warned.

“I will not leave her fate up to others!”, Anakin protested.

“It’s time to go”, Master Plo announced before walking away, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Anakin met her eyes, nodding slowly a couple times, his shoulders slumping in resignation.

“Call everybody in Rex, we’re leaving”, Lexie spoke into her comm, her tone defeated.

Her friend turned and followed the Jedi Master to the LAAT, but Lexie lingered a couple seconds, closing her eyes and searching through the Force just like Anakin had been doing when she came back to the compound. She knew she wouldn’t find her – Ahsoka was long gone from the planet of that she was certain – but she still felt like she should try. She was met with nothing else but the life signatures of the clones making their way back to the outpost, and the general buzz of life from all the animals milling around. She opened her eyes, sighed and walked to the gunship.

“Alexis”, Master Plo said once she joined them inside, “the Council wants to see you when we get back to Coruscant. We need to discuss your covert operations team”.

“Of course, Master”, she agreed, swallowing past the lump already forming in her throat.

A bright flash of lightning illuminated the landing platform and the domes of Tipoca City, followed by the loud rumble of thunder that made the ship faintly vibrate. That felt close, maybe right above them. The storm was definitely getting stronger.

“Is that Commander Hammer?”, Lexie asked, trying to make out any details obstructed by the torrential rain.

“No, that’s Blitz”, Fives replied, peering thought the viewport.

“Didn’t expect a welcome party with all this rain”, she remarked.

“We’re used to it”, he laughed.

“Still, let’s not keep him waiting for too long”, Lexie said as she got up from her seat. Fives hesitated, his fists clenched tightly on his lap, a frown replacing the usual carefree expression on his face. “I don’t like it either…”, she admitted.

“I know… I know. It’s not you I’m angry at, it’s-”.

“The Council? Trust me, I know what that feels like”, she placed a hand on his shoulder.

Fives took a deep breath and nodded before he stood up. “Alright, let’s go get a new teammate”.

Taglist: @selene131 , @yoursrosie , @olasz-2003 , @ichimatsu-gal , @whisperofwild If anyone else wants to be tagged in future chapters let me know

[hopelesshaidys]

.・。.・゜✭・.✫・゜・。.

.・。.・゜✭・.✫・゜・。.

begin again

Ro actually posting early and not at 11:50????? what is this??? what is happening????

yeah that’s right BITCHES i’m posting early since i did this YESTERDAY which means wednesday (hopefully) will ALSO be early

but idk bc i’m having a DC brainrot rn specifically i made an oc and an entire alien race so i’ve been pretty dead set on writing that rn BUT fear not the next chapter will be good especially bc that’s when the angst ball starts rolling

anyways once again asking for requests for little side blurbs since my x singer! reader did so well which btwwwwww holy guacamole y’all blew that up thank you so much!! it feels so good to have spent so much time on that and it get recognized 🥺🥺🥺

fun facts! ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

- did you notice that i went back and fixed all the little aesthetics on the previous chapters 😺😺😺😺😺 that literally took like two hours what the hell (the older chapters were SO ugly holy shit how did y’all let that slide)

- also i saw the comments on the last post i promise i will drop that lore soon!!

- when yn is super into her work she completes shuts the world out like gone bye so when toshi was talking to her she was like “uh huh, yeah totally, okay” when in reality she has no idea what he’s saying

- i added that user saying the parks and rec quote bc i knew not a lot of people would know/notice and I HAVE TO BE SEEN

- hopefully you noticed but bkg has started using lower caps for texting…just one of the many impacts yn has on him

- (pls ignore the upper case of that one comment tho i had a brain fart)

- which honestly this reminds me of how yn slowly got sho not to be a dry texter😭

- momo is so cute :((((

- hitoshi 100% is obsessed with those weird live streams and trolls them

- zu is always digging for the tea or gossip and i love him for that

- zu and sho were sitting next to each other picking out which pic they would send at the same time😭😭

- idk who to make sero’s love interest since my main ship is with him and todoroki so PLEASE put down a character (or even an oc!!! i love oc’s!!!!) that i can set him up with bc SINCE IM NOT IN LOVE MY CHARACTERS WILL BE DAMMIT

- …sorry that was aggressive

←Prev˚✧ Next→

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ updates every wednesday and sunday! happy wildest dreams sunday ✧.*

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ TAGLIST IS OPEN just message or comment: @iiilovemilfs @0anodite0 @bakugouswh0r3 @amethyst123 @nijirosz @nathan-sharp-wife @allnamesredacted @ch3rryhaze @ectoplasmictoast @cathwritestragediesnotsins @tati-the-fangirl @autumnfay @call-me-prodigy @chuugarettes @sammyam @kotoprincesa @bubblewordsofsodapop

[rebelliousstories]

Kiss Me You Animal

Kiss Me You Animal

Relationship: Cooper “The Ghoul” Howard x Zylia “The Freak” Shelley

Fandom: Fallout

Request: No

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Mentions of Blood, Fluff, Happy Ending

Word Count: 1,748

Main Masterlist: Here

Fallout Masterlist: Here

//Previous Chapter//

Kiss Me You Animal Masterlist: Here

Summary: One final showdown. One final goodbye. One final kiss.

“Look alive boys! We got company!”

That was what Zylia first heard after coming out of a short nap. She did not mean to fall asleep, but when you are dehydrated, starving, and constantly pumping adrenaline in a fight or flight response? It tends to wear you down. But that was the least of her worries. Two possibilities were coming through the door right now. Either that was more goons for this band of misfits, or it was Cooper.

She was not sure which of the two was more terrifying. And then, if it was Cooper, two more terrifying thoughts came into her brain. Was he coming because he was wanting to finish her off and take the caps, or because he cared for her? All of these were being amplified by the pounding in her chest as the doors to the warehouse were opened.

With spurs clicking against the concrete floor, The Ghoul had arrived.

“Whoo! Now I am excited to finally meet the myth and legend that is The Ghoul. Glad you could join us!” The leader called, waving his arms around in a grand gesture. His eyes were obscured by the lip of his hat, so the rest of the people could not see where his eyes landed. But Shelley knew where Howard’s eyes were. They were on her, even if she could not see them.

“Well, certainly made it easy for me to find y’all. Can’t say I’m excited about being forced to chase a band of misfits that even Santa don’t wanna visit.” His drawl was thick, but his words confused the group.

“So why the hell you kidnappin’ my paycheck?”

“You mean, your girl?”

“No. She’s not my girl. She’s a fucking paycheck.”

The leader of the group raised his eyebrows and looked between the two mutants with rapt attention. He started to laugh, that only his fellow bandits joined in on. Zylia bowed her head as she listened to what he was saying. So he was just coming here to make sure his competition was taken care of finally.

“Well, shit. Ain’t that a kick to the teeth, sweetie,” the man that was really starting to piss Zylia off teased. His fingerless gloved hand reached down to caress her cheek, but it was taken away shortly as her teeth snapped towards the fingers. “Oh, don’t be like that sweetheart.”

“You gonna kill her or fuck her? Cause one of those I don’t wanna be here for.” Howard called out. He was slowly working his way up Zylia’s list of people she would not mind killing violently.

“See, I wanted to kill you both. But because I’m so nice, I’ll give you a choice. Either you can go first, or she can.” Fingers tangled in blood soaked white locks, causing the woman to scream out. Her hands were quickly unbound from her post, and she was dragged before The Ghoul as she was dumped to the ground.

“If you don’t mind, I have one request before you kill us both,” Cooper’s request drew the attention of two people, “let me kill her myself.”

“Oh, wow. You really have been a pain in his ass. What the hell did you do to him, huh, Freak?” Once more, the leader teased her.

“Been followin’ me ‘round like a lost puppy for months now. Just been waitin’ for an opportunity like this,” he grumbled. With each word, Zylia felt her heart breaking. He never cared for her. And now she was going to die at his hand.

“After you.” The leader stepped back a good couple of feet to where he would have been safe from what he thought was going to be a bloodbath afterwards.

“Come ‘ere.” Cooper snarled, leveling Zylia with a dangerous look.

She squeaked, and tried to run but her body was running on fumes and adrenaline now. It was no match for Howard, who would have gotten proper sleep, and adequate food and water. He grabbed her by the back of her shirt and hauled her back. After she was on the ground in front of him, he kicked her several times. Each one landing perfectly over her skin.

She curled up into a ball to try and get away from the beating. Each time she did that, he would find a way to go after her again. This seemed to go on for an eternity. And every hit was a literal and metaphorical punch to the gut. Cooper brought his hands down with his feet after a while. Zylia had been beaten enough times to know that begging for him to stop would only make it worse.

There was a sickening crack, and Zylia went down. Her hands were limp on the floor. Her body was turned away from the group, but her chest was no longer rising and falling as it should have been. Rubbing his hands, Cooper stood over the body of the woman that he had kept with him as a companion over the last few months. Clapping was heard behind him, and he finally turned around.

“Now that was a beautiful, albeit brutal display.” The leader complimented, watching The Ghoul with excited eyes.

He clicked his fingers, and motioned to the body that was on the floor. Two big, burley men came over to Zylia and tried to pick her up, but to no avail. They shoved her shoulder to double check and see if she was still alive, but it only caused the woman to roll over on her stomach.

“Maybe it’s just from the way I was raised in a different time than y’all. But that ain’t no way to treat a lady.”

Gurgling was heard coming from where Zylia laid. The first man was clutching his throat as blood poured out of it, while the second was having to deal with her knife being lodged in his skull. Cooper watched in delight as the leader that had dragged all of them there was now frozen in fear. Zylia dragged herself to her feet, and felt a sort of bloodlust take over.

The Ghoul drew his gun as chaos erupted all around them. There were bandits trying to make an escape from the mutant duo, and some that were trying to fight them. He fired at anyone who dared get close, while Zylia got close to everyone to deliver a killing blow.

Pulling her knife from one of the bandits, Shelley looked straight at the last man standing. The leader that had kidnapped her in the first place. When he felt eyes on him, the man took off for one of the exits. The adrenaline coursing through her veins shot her forward like being fired from Cooper’s gun. She ran as fast as she could, and heard Howard take off after her as well.

A bullet flew past and landed in the leg of the leader. He crumpled to the ground in anguish which allowed Zylia to catch up and straddle him. Her knife found a home in his shoulder as she turned him over on his back. The screams he let out was music to her ears. She moved her knife to the other shoulder before leaning down.

“Please, please. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please just let me go.” He begged and pleaded, but it fell on deft ears. Another bullet hit his other leg, causing more screaming and begging from the man that was supposed to be the tough guy.

“You’re damn right. You’re not gonna do anything like this again,” Cooper drawled from where he had come up behind the other two.

“Matter of fact, you ain’t gonna be doing much of anything anymore.” Zylia finished, plunging her knife deep into his chest. Blood poured out from where his heart was. She stayed like that until the last light left the man’s eyes. Only then, did her body finally start to come down from its high of adrenaline.

She stumbled off of the man, and was caught by Cooper who looked over her with concern. His hands traced over her body, trying to feel for any life threatening injuries while his eyes took in any that were not. Shelley collapsed back onto the floor and Howard followed her down.

“You alright there, vampie?” His voice was full of concern as he tried to get an assessment on her.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m alright. Do I have something in my hair?” Cooper chuckled, which prompted Zylia to follow.

“Oh, ain’t you a joker.” He commented, drawing her into his chest. She sighed heavily as she rested in her spot.

“Was startin’ to get worried that you wouldn’t have gotten my idea.”

“As soon as I saw the handle poking out of your waistband, I knew.”

He chuckled again, and pressed a kiss to her head. Pulling away, the duo looked at each other in contentment. Without words being spoken, Cooper stood and gently helped Zylia to her feet. He made sure she was stable before walking past all of the bodies that littered the floor, and out to the desert that greeted them.

She was deposited to where she could lean against the building as he retrieved his saddle bag, and her own bag as well. Hooking an arm around her, Cooper made sure that she could walk before taking off for the city that was a day or so away. He was keeping an eye on the road ahead, and the other on her to make sure that she was still with him.

They made a pit stop on a rock that was big enough for one of them to sit on. Cooper made sure Zylia was sitting and balanced, before he began digging around in his bag. A stim pack was produced along with some jerky and a canteen of water. While she was busy greedily gulping down the water, Howard was sticking her with the stim pack to help jumpstart the healing process.

“Thanks for coming to get me.” She whispered in between bites of jerky.

“We’re a team now. Can’t have my partner dyin’ on me now.” He replied, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

Without warning, Zylia surged forward and captured his lips on hers. This time, it was no accident. They both sat there, enjoying their moment together. This could have been the end. But the one thing they did not count on, was the love two mutants have for each other.

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Hi booky, marketing anon here.

I'm happy that you're going back to school soon, good for you. Education is important!

I'm sorry that my previous comment had angry anons in your inbox.

I'm going to be brutally honest here, so if you choose to post this, please kindly have your followers/anons heed what I'm about to say before reacting. And to your followers/anons, please do not harass the mod with rants due to a stranger's opinion. She is not responsible for what I say. And I'm not going to apologize for my opinion either.

When I said people could stand to give CE/AB a little grace, it was simply a suggestion, not like I was telling anyone how to feel or be.

I also did not come here to books blog to waste her time or mine. I came here to share some insight with her/followers about what marketing and PR, in my experience, is about. And the fact is there is a sizable amount of manipulation being done to create and promote narratives as we see fit. That's part of the job, and even if internally I don't always feel great about selling a misleading image, it is what it is. It doesn't mean all of us are terrible people but you know, money talks.

I do not work in the entertainment industry. I work in a very expansive industry where what we do, the products and services we create, basically control the future of society. For example, artificial intelligence. So, I'll let y'all use your guessing caps to figure out what industry I'm in. But the PR/Marketing tactics in most industries have similarities. Strategy is crucial, planning, executing, and rebranding are all part of the job.

Anyways, I'll leave you all with a little final tidbit: Just continue to pay attention to context clues. Sometimes it may seem like random BS made up to stir up shit for no reason, but I've found in this particular situation (CE's marriage thing), there's been a lot of hints and clues along the way and I strongly believe the bigger picture is yet to be revealed.

Insightful as always, Marketing An🫶n.

And thank you 😊 I'm more nervous about going back, but I'm excited to start again ❤️

She's got a point, guys! And that bigger picture is still waiting to be revealed... We just have to be observant, and patient. Truth will out no matter what.

[chipped-chimera]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 21/06/23

(I mean it’s technically Friday now between timezones and spoons but have this otherwise I’ll keep forgetting) My first WIP Wednesday! Thanks @theviridianbunny​ for the tag! I’ve been really getting stuck into modding - as well as falling into my usual mod habit of ‘start like six project at once and end up with a million WIP files' but I guess I’ll talk about the major ones.

Graphic design is my passion ...

(Long) rambling about mods I'm making + things I've learned below the cut~

My V’s tatt project is still ongoing, and I’ve (somewhat begrudgingly) been trying out Substance Painter to work on bits of it, mainly polishing seams between UV maps. It’s definitely got a lot of benefits, especially for graphic placement in really tricky areas (like anywhere in the entire head mesh region for example) but I still think a lot of the heavy work will still be done in Photoshop so I’ll probably be writing up both experiences with them when I do that tutorial I keep hinting at for complex tatt work. I’ve started drafting a tumblr tutorial but I wonder if that’s the best format, maybe a PDF? Google doc? Github wikis look cool? (tho I think I need to pay for that) - if y’all got suggestions for tutorial formats pls let me know!

As for the other arguably overly-ambitious-project-where-I-bit-off-more-than-I-could-chew ...

H A I R.

Hair has been the bane of my existence for about the past week( ... weeks? Maybe two?), most of it involving cursing, a lot of reverse-engineering game meshes and smashing my head against blender. But if not already evident from my monowire post - I am a stubborn bitch with too much time on my hands so even though there were at least two moments where I wanted to curl up on the floor under my desk and just stay there - we got there.

This all started because my favourite hair mod which I cannot split from my V’s identity was acting funky and the shape of it had been altered since a physics update. It wasn’t her anymore. So I needed new hair. I tried editing the existing hair. I tried importing the old hair mesh. I tried so many things and they didn’t work out one way or they threw a million errors or there were an obnoxious amount of verts.

I even tried looking for replacement mod hair. None of them fit, all of them felt too ‘clean’ for my V. So I just concluded: FINE. I’ll make my own damn hair. From scratch. At least then I’ll actually KNOW what’s going on with the mesh, right?

Problem with hair is tutorials are very limited in respect to Cyberpunk, so I had to learn a lot of this by myself and looking at other processes used for building game hair. I’ve had a previous stint in game design at uni but it was very introductory and more broad-strokes concepts not specific stuff like what ‘real time hair’ is and how you actually go about placing hair-cards (there’s a million different ways btw) but after another 3 days smashing my head against blender I finally got shit to work to a satisfactory level using hair tools for blender and the particle hair grooming system (not the 3.5 blender system, maybe more on that at some point).

Putting together the hair cards I was 120% convinced this was going to blow up in my face, primarily through vert count. But this hair tool plugin? Alarmingly efficient. I was frequently checking my work against Alt's hair mesh (one I was planning on rigging to) and here's the final-ish stats -

This is with only Alt's hair mesh selected (no cap) and then only my mesh(s - lots of layering to build it up), and by comparison I felt I'd built up the density of a chinchilla. This is not a brag, this is mostly genuine confusion over how efficient this plugin is, all I did was smack around hair curves. It did all the UV mapping junk on the fly.

Although structurally complete, I still consider this a WIP (yes I know there's a reeeeal fun vert funkiness in that second render, it's been fixed) since I'm having to go back and fine-tune some of the UV's the plugins mapped that I'm not happy with and generally figuring out my density problem because if anything, after putting it in-game it felt too dense.

Because yes, somehow I got it in game.

WITH. PHYSICS.

This may have driven me absolutely up the wall between having to learn blender from scratch then what the heck real time hair is and how that works etc. etc. but ... god, seeing her move back from the mirror and just feeling that instant catharsis of 'IT'S HER!' made it so. Damn. Worth it.

It looks too thick - this might be because I chucked in the 'doubled' feature Wolvenkit comes with because I hadn't spent any time doing backfaces. But it also might be because it's black? That's going to need investigating.

The physics need a lot of work too, I did a pretty rushed weight painting job last night on a merged version of the mesh because I was worried whether it was even viable and I'd already dumped an insane amount of hours into this between trying to salvage the old hair and building a new one (with some more bells and whistles. Mainly - curly). That wasn't without it's issues -

This almost fucking cracked me, given this was one of the issues I was experiencing before trying to fix an existing mesh mod. Turns out I was just being dumb and forgetting to export the armature, which I'd thought I wasn't supposed to do after having blender throw a bunch of errors on other hair attempts. I gave it a try after one last shot and boom. Worked. (I dunno what those errors were about man but now I know armature? very important).

Will I release this hair? no damn clue, depends on if I can get it to a level I feel is 'releasable'. I already know what I'm calling it though - Venatrix her side-handle I've decided on.

I look forward to adapting it into maybe a comb-back version, as well as a tied up version, so I can show off both her undercut + have the option of NOT hiding every damn tatt I've obsessed over placing on her neck haha.

In other news -

My much-needed wacom tablet replacement arrived (as well as other things I was looking forward to 👀) meaning my Wacom Cintiq, workhorse of ten years can finally enjoy her retirement. Her controls were getting funky, she had a few dead pixels but man. I'm convinced they won't make them like her ever again. Either way she's done unfortunately - upgrading my monitor to 2k made this painfully obvious. I don't think it's even running in full HD, it's that old. And with Phantom Liberty coming out this year? I'm probably going to need a new videocard and DVI compatibility isn't really a thing anymore.

So for future I think I'll just stick to the basic tablet set up, invest in screens. Also now I FINALLY know what her hair is gonna look like and with the tablet here, I can get back to work on the tattoo bodysuit.

Anyways, that's it for now! (Jesus Christ did you really read all of this? If you did you're a fucking trooper). Sorry for the extended ramble but MAN I did a lot, I needed to yell.

Till next time Chooms! Thanks again @theviridianbunny for the tag~ <3

Oh shit wait, have the blender renders before I forget because hahah I figured out how to do that too lol -

[teeth--thief]

Hi. Your previous anonymous speaker, again. I’m reading Midnight in Chernobyl, as I’m fortunate enough to have found a copy. Notes? Thoughts? Thank you, again. I liked your last reply much.

- R

Welcome back R, so glad to see you! I'm happy you liked my reply ♡! I shall continue replying for as long as you'll continue asking.

It's probably the best English language book about the disaster out there. As I've mentioned in my previous post, it does a great job showing the people involved as, well, people, which a lot of other books fail to do. It does repeat certain myths and misinformation, though, mainly when the source is Medvedev, so I guess that's on him. Everything is on him. We (me) hate Medvedev in this household.

> One of my least favourite things it repeats is that there was some kind of a disagreement in the control room. There were calm conversations and the closest thing to an "argument" was when, allegedly, Dyatlov snapped and told Akimov to hurry up because he was taking too long looking over the test program during the beginning of the shift. Nobody reported anything else - if they did, it would have most definitely been used against Dyatlov himself during the trial - and yet, seemingly neither Akimov's nor Toptunov's testimonies said anything about being forced to do anything or getting yelled at by the Deputy Chief Engineer.

It is unclear to me why this kind of narrative persisted even after people realised the operators weren't at fault and that Medvedev had it out for Dyatlov for some reason. Drama is what makes things interesting and it's easier to say "oh, well, the operators did not agree to XYZ, actually" when you don't want to blame them, I suppose. But you might as well be perfect obedient and be innocent and the same time - after all, it's not like any of them were exactly planning making the reactor go boom that night...

> It's not clear why there was a power drop to begin with. Higginbotham says that the SIUR "made a mistake", while Dyatlov and a few others say it was an equipment error. RBMK is a beast of a reactor, reportedly hard to control when the power is low and an inexperienced SIUR, which Toptunov was, would probably have problems keeping up with everything. If it was the case of the SIUR messing up, then it's not as simple as the author presents, you don't just miss one step and it all goes to shit, you actively have to not recognise and/or not be fast enough with your actions. But that's nitpicking, it's not that relevant.

> The fuel channel caps never jumped or at least were never actually SEEN by anyone to have been jumping, my god. Perevozchenko was in the control room when it was "going on". That Chernobyl Guy made a really good (and fun!) video on the topic if anyone's interested. Love that guy, he's doing a great job!

> I'm pretty sure that the description of the control rods and the positive scram effect (and the purely technical, nuclear bits) is not that accurate. I'm going to be very careful with both of these because pure physics is outside of my comfort zone and will actually recommend you do your own research on both of these, if you're interested, from the fear that I might start sounding like Medvedev (without proper education)

Other than that, it's really really good! It includes some relevant pictures, which is always nice (I'm looking at you, Kate Brown's book), it covers a great time duration - from before Prypiat to after Chernobyl. And the author interviewed a ton of people, we have to give him that.

All in all, I absolutely need to reread this book again because my memory of it is a little foggy and I'll report back to you in case something of importance will come up!

[yangxiaolongstan]

ok on my previous blog i did a few posts about fixing the things i didn't like about Fallout 4. not because i hate it but because i love it and want a better version. this time, weapon and armor tweaks.

first off, the problem children: power armor and heavy weapons. the real issues are that power armor is too all purpose and easy to access, and heavy weapons are too niche and situational. the minigun is practically useless after you kill the deathclaw in concord because you will never have enough ammo for it. on the other hand the power armor you pick up in the same quest is way too strong and there's absolutely no reason to ever not use it. if you know what you're doing you're not likely to run out of fusion cores past the super early game and there's no skill locking it off. the fix for power armor is super simple, reintroduce the idea that you need special training to use power armor and reduce the number of fusion cores in the world substantially. this will gate power armor off and make it a mostly late game item that you need to be careful with. the minigun should have somewhat higher damage, slightly lower fire rate, and also should not be present in concord at the start. maybe replace it and the power armor with a grenade launcher and some nice combat armor in a locked chest in the airship or something like that. and make them optional to the quest of saving the Minutemen. most of the explosive heavy weapons are pretty good but it's weird that there's no grenade launchers or anything like that. the gatling laser is fine if a bit op but i think there should also be other heavy energy weapons like tesla canons and plasma casters to complement it. the fat man is ridiculously strong but given that it takes either cheats, an absurd number of caps, or a long time to get one it's fine. the junk jet is great and i will hear no arguments.

for unarmed weapons there needs to be a greater variety and more to separate them than just damage. maybe damage type can vary more. the deathclaw gauntlet is super under powered compared to the powerfist so amp its damage and maybe give it a dangerous bleed effect. and let the player either incorporate unarmed weapons into their power armor or use them while wearing it.

energy weapons need their rifles and pistols separated at minimum. why can i turn a tiny laser pistol into a huge sniper rifle? the institute models should be sleeker and less boxy. don't let them take up a third of the screen. they should be as powerful as the standard laser weapons plus an effect unique to institute weapons, maybe they drain power armor or shut down robots with enough shots. and institute plasma weapons should probably reduce armor condition more than standard plasma. gamma guns are great as is.

speaking of armor condition, bring back equipment durability. it's such a good mechanic and it would fit great with Fallout 4's expanded crafting system.

single piece armors need to be stronger to match the multi piece sets. particularly for faction soldiers. it's absurd that coursers have worse armor than the gen 1s they fight with. Combat armor and Synth armor need more to differentiate themselves and Synth armor needs a complete redesign to not look like absolute shit (except the helmets, those kick ass) the Marine armor also doesn't look great and it's way way too heavy to be useful but it's very effective and could be good with a slight redesign so it didn't clip like crazy and slightly lower weight.

for melee weapons the fast swing speed group needs a significant expansion and a damage boost so they aren't completely irrelevant, the medium needs to have at least 1 proper energy blade, the slow is mostly ok but my god why the hell can you just make a rocket sledge? it makes the standard super sledge completely redundant. more variety in legendary effects too. they'll have their own section but for now, it's weird that pickman's blade is just a weaker throatslicer, Kremv's tooth looks awesome but the effect is terrible, Atom's judgement on the other hand is just incredible 10/10 no notes.

for guns, i want a better variety and a larger ammo variety. i don't necessarily have a problem with rifles using .45 ammo but it's weird that it's so common whereas the only pistols that use it are pipe weapons. maybe the combat rifle could use 5.56 or 5mm instead and we could have a combat pistol that used .45. combat pistols could have a similar skin to the deliverer only larger and silver instead of black. in fact, make the deliverer one of these. the hunting rifle needs a damage boost to function as the game's go to ballistic sniper, and should start off with a stock. the shotguns are really good but there should be 20 and 12 gauge versions. ive never been able to make myself give a single fuck about the assault rifle but it definitely needs a different model and some way to differentiate itself. maybe slightly higher rate of fire than the combat rifle but slightly lower damage and it automatically comes with a reflex sight like New Vegas' marksman carbine. i think giving it a model similar to the radium rifle would be good, but without all the weird extra bits slapped on. that way we can tell the radium rifle was made by altering the assault rifle. the handmade rifle needs a new name but otherwise i like it, especially the fact that depending on how good you are with bashing, automatic weapons, and non auto rifles you get different upgrades.

finally legendary weapons and armor. not gonna sugarcoat it, these SUCK. ive played over 2,600 hours of Fallout 4 and ive found maybe 4 good random legendaries across all my playthroughs. and all 4 were completely broken. most legendary effects are either borderline useless like ghoul slayers or exterminators, or absolutely absurd like explosive, instigating, and 2 shot. and even the best effects are entirely dependent on the weapon you find them on. explosive and never ending are probably the best examples. explosive turns an otherwise terrible weapon like the submachine gun into an alright weapon like the spray and pray, a great weapon like the radium rifle into a fantastic one with the kiloton radium rifle, and a pretty good weapon like the combat shotgun into a completely game breaking meat grinder. it's way too powerful. Never Ending is the opposite problem, with one glaring exception. for most weapons, Never Ending just makes you never have to reload. this is ok for early low capacity weapons like the double barreled shotgun, but completely useless on anything with a decent clip size or high damage, which is literally everything after the super early game, and on one weapon in particular it's completely broken. because of a weird glitch Never Ending gives the Gatling laser *literally infinite ammo* and since the gatling laser is already one of the most potentially powerful weapons in the game, this combination is also completely game breaking. I'll be honest, I don't really know how to fix legendaries, other than to remove the glitches and make at least some of them removable and craftable.

[katyspersonal]

ask: Tell me about your day!🌞🌙

Well.... It was a lucky one since it was Sunday, so I could actually have a rest I need, since I am very sick. But yeah basically

- I woke up at ~10 AM and checked the Lore Council group chat, in which @heraldofcrow said something I disagreed with, so we started yelling at each other about BB lore and theories in all caps with Fantomette joining in too, only to like 30 minutes later for Crow to finally remember THE core detail that did a full deal-breaker and proven that MY idea was right dfhdshgf After that, I went back to bed!

- I woke up again around 3 PM, doodled for like 2 minutes before giving up because of a headache, answered some messages, checked memes, answered an ask from @fantomette22 ....

- I doodled more and none of it was finished, but by 8 PM I realized that both Val and Kris were online, and Kris has been doing a very creative and cool DnD with some other people for a while... They kept dropping things from that one, until I exploded and demanded that they share ENTIRE lore of it, so I could finally understand what the HEC they were talking about dfsjhfhd. I can't read anything that isn't Soulsb0rne-related with my focus issues, so this is done via VC. So! Me, Kris and Val had a VC until 1 AM. Yes, it is already tomorrow here xd Thankfully, my throat was no longer too sore to speak to the moment us three were all online, that's why I was able to VC! It was sooooooo interesting, holy shit. I really hope some of their concepts will see the public and not just be lost within the small DnD group.

- Now it is 3 AM, and I've been writing down my headcanons on beasts in a previous post xd

So yeah, this Sunday was very lazy + I am soooooo dead at today's work shift lol xd I should probably go to bed NOW, but thank you for the ask!

[someonechaotic]

Ze conner chaos onc agin its aa uhh part 3?????? whyayayayytryeysyayyeeee

Okay, what happened last blog? Well.....

I raised both Zaidan's and Julien's child except I found out that Julien is a very shit father, Haylee grows up happy and Jase grows up unhappy. Sky fishes for some Angelfish whilst Zaidan reaches Level 10 in Gourmet Cooking and whilst Sky gets a new job as an Astronaut and goes into the Interstellar Smuggler branch, we get some Ambrosia, revive Lucas who was previously fucking died. Julien keeps pissing on my fucking living room floor, Haylee got aged up into a teen, Jase is now a child (I aged him up after last chaos blog). Haylee almost died, Lucas almost died again.

Okay, caught up? Good. Now, in this blog is going to be TWICE the chaos, because the previous chaos blog I couldn't post for a week, but I had already done it and couldn't be bothered to update it, so instead, all of its gonna go here!!!!!!

Now be prepared, because I don't know if next week's chaos blog will top this one off....

First week...

After one too many times of Vito possessing Dumbass's gay hearts, I move him back into the household and whip him up a plate of Ambrosia, half as punishment, half because it felt a bit lonely.

Vito lasted.... Surprisingly well, but, well. this sentence is in past tence for a reason....

I also now age up Jase unto a teenager somewhere in this time, I think? i uh idontreemmber

Sky gets to the top of his career and is now constantly on the run from the Space Police

And, on the Saturday after I posted last blog, I had acquired MC Command Center, meaning LARGER HOUSEHOLD WOOOOOOO!!!!-

Well, I had made it larger as a joke, but someone saw it as a grand opportunity to... well.....

:Anne Maria starts playing:

So zaidan, in record time. Gets abducted, impregnated and gives birth. All in the matter of one real-life hour after raising the household cap.

(Also, the way I found out zaidan ws pregnant was so fucking hilarious, I was recording him and possessed Sky having the most fucking terrifying dinner date(?) I've never seen a possessed sim eating a bowl of chili whilst looking totally in love with someone, meanwhile the other sim is so completely fucking confused. And then he did the pregnant animation and i freaked the fuck out)

Possesssed sky says hi ✨️

Meanwhile Sky had his own child, well, Creation. Sky finally build a motherfucking servoooooo woooooo- whom upon entering my household, was assigned traits that practically made Sky the creator of a sociopathic robot I am not joking its the traits I have in my mods pls do-

but don't get too attached because,

One quick change later and Zaidan giving birth, I found out the hard way that I cannot edit my sims normally in a 9 sim household and have to go into the MC Menu and go into CAS from there, because Sky's servo swiftly evaporates from the gace of the earth, never to be seen again.

Zaidan's 5th chikd, Kurtz, grows up to be happy a conspiracy theorist and a pain in the fucking ass, just like his step-father, Dumbass

(Furute me here realising I forgot to mention the 4th, Luz, she's got a mohawk, she's an overachiver, she's a badass lesbian, okay moving on)

Speaking of pain in the asses, Vito gets stuck in a wall, in which case I use this comment to capture some of the most unflattering picture of a sim out there

And speaking of pain in the asses aga- yeah zaidan got pregnant again.... This is his 6th..... This one I named Rez, now this time Dumbass and Zaidan was raising Rez (Which Luz was not happy about as a child)

Thats all of week 1.... Now its on to the real chaos.... the we

Week 2

Week 2, I panic, realising I can't age up my werewolves, Haylee and Lucas up. Why? Because some stupid fucking idiot made them both immortal (me)

So after swiftly resetting and redoing all my werewolves perks (Thank MCCC that MC Command Center has that otherwise I'd of been fucked), I finally age up Haylee and Lucas, who both do not have a job still as I'm writing this.

Meanwhile, Sky has finally finished the Nerd Brain aspiration, meaning he can now Insta-Repair which honestly does fuck all AND INSTA-UPGRADE WOOOOO!!!!- So Sky's been upgrading everything, the stove, the fridge that keeps breaking, the toilets...

And that's when it all went wrong.

As per usual, Zaidan getting abducted, dumbass getting abducted,

Lucas are you sat in your sister's bedroom naked..?

Julien stop pissing on my living room flo-

Al the sudden, one of the toilets in the basement set fire to one of Zaidan's daughters, Luz. I'm panicking, thinking it was that bastard ghost who, idfk fucking planted a grenade in the fucking toilet bowl. I quickly get that sorted out, but I didn't know the true reason.

By now I've finally aged Kurtz into a child, yes it took this long....

But then, Zaidan bursts into flames, where? In the bathroom, it's now the first floor toilet, I'm panicking again, dumbass is there fucking celebrating meanwhile I'm screaming watching the firefighters tumble down through

Meanwhile, Zaidan:

A, Dosnt give 2 flying fucks.

B, stands there and does absolutely nothing

And C, Goes so feral that his eyes go red because he's tense and makes me giggle tf out.

oh and also D, grants me one of the best pictures I've had in ages

I also now have a video of dumbass casually wafting the air like it smells like shit as Lucas is screaming bloody murder beside him pointing at the fire right in front of them.

Ten seconds after that

NOW the UPSTAIRS toilet is on fire, and then another... and then another... and anothe- and zaidans getting fucking abducted again... and another

And then, the first death in a long while. Jase Conner, whom died not only by the toilet's murderous flames, but also by Lucas, who proceeded to only extinguish the fire after he had collapsed on the floor and died.

Considering Jase and Lucas were enemies before, I think Lucas had some intentions...

After which Dumbass and DEATH HIMSELF become BEST FRIENDS FOREVER????

anyway, these pictures later

Possessed sky looking at a burnt toilet

And... this...

Cough

And then, we have our second death, which came a little while after Jase's. Rez, who was still only a child, also died to toilet fire, because when I got him to extinguish himself in the shower, he glitched and stayed on fire, yet everyone else couldn't extinguish him because the game registered him as not on fire. And so, Rez dies to a glitch in the system....

AND THEN, FUCKING JULIEN AND LUCAS GET FUCKING ABDUCTED?

can you, can you guess what happened? I bet you can't, you will never guess, literally never guess, it is impossible to guess, can you guess it? Can you? Can you? Can you guess?

They both come back Fucking PRENGANT

I got some silly pictures of them, this one's just like: - "Julien, I don't fuckin' understand what's going on"

and he's just like - "I've seen this shit before"

I decided to keep only Lucas', who's named Kamila, because I don't trust julien anymore and I do not have the strength to take care of 2 toddlers.

I also, most recently, moved Rez's ghost back into the household.

And I leave off here. The household being Sky, Zaidan, Julien, Haylee, Lucas, Luz, Jurtz, Jase, Rez's Ghost and Kamila, a 10 sim household on it really ever dying, unless there's a really bad toilet fire that happens

Or Jase sets my Fucking STOVE ON FIRE

Some final images that didn't make the cut yk how it be

These two deserve their own segment

– " Zaidan how the fuq you end up like this!?"

– " Maybe the fact you made all the toilets... Flammable..??"

– " ...That was me??"

ok sorry sorry bye bye

Future Future me realising I didn't mention the fact that Vito evaporated mid-way through week 1 (he died from laughter)

[a-captions-blog]

[Image descriptions: 1. Post by u/CountryMamaLynn in r/lgbt that says:

My some came out [caps] need advice [end caps] If this post seems a little messy its because I'm typing this out quick. Yall This is a new account I made just now beacuse i need to vent and I'm not sure where else to post this and my family follow my real account. My son 15 just came out yesterday as gay to my husband and my husband kicked him out well I was at work! I got a painiced phone call from my baby telling me everything and let me tell yall I was pissed I left work early and drove over to my house where I saw my baby boy sitting on the curb with his clothes and shit all across the damn lawn and a screaming as if now soon to be ex husband who is not the man I thought I married!!! I gave that bastard a piece of my mind and told him that if he cant be a man and support his son then he can kiss my ass and find someone else to pay his bills. I shoved my boys stuff in the back of my truck and went to hotel that I'm in right now cause my parents cant pick us up till Monday so we can stay with them. I dont know much about this whole gay thing so what can I do to make my kid fell excepted???? [caps] edit [end caps] I took y'alls advice I pay for the house so that mother fucker will be out in a few days and my son will be back in his home. I bought my son a bunch of pride stuff! Apparently hes had a boyfriend for around 7 months now and I'm getting to meet him over facetime tomorrow and I'm so excited!!!! I'm doing everything I can to make him feel loved. Out of everything that's happened the most heart breaking thing was my son saying "I'm sorry I'm crying mom I just need to be strong" I told him that he doesn't need to be strong he needs to be loved and that I'll do anything I can to make him feel that way. God this is the hardest thing in my life

2. Post by the same user that says: Meeting my baby boys bf tomorrow [row of exclamation points]

I’m soooo excited y’all, were meeting over facetime and I’m so happy I’m knitting my son a rainbow blanket and aaaa it’s turning out perfect!

3. Post by the same user that shows the meme of a person yelling at a cat at dinner. The person is labelled, ‘My ex husband trying to kick my son out for being gay.’ The cat has been edited to have a rainbow hat and scarf and is labelled, ‘My son and I kicking him out cause I own the house.’

4. Post by the same user that says: Update yall Mark's reaction (read the previous posts if you're confused) (Incase you dont know this is the after math of me kicking out my now ex husband after he tried to kick out my baby boy for being gay while I was at work.) I called him and very "Kindly reminded" him who owns the house and pays the bills and he was screaming about how "You need me woman, you cant just kick me out whore" and asked to meet in person. So I did but I dont trust him so I brought my adorable camo baseball bat just in case things went south so we met up in front of the house and he was hooting and hollering about how "I was already screwing a different woman so I dont need you!" And obviously this upset me but then I remembered that I dont have to put up with this crap so I told him it's time to haul ass before i make him and he started crying like a baby begging me to let him stay and saying " you'll never find another man like me" and I told him that is the whole point of me leaving him. So he finally left after hours crying like a bitch and now my son and I have lots of extra space!

5. Post by the same user that says: Hay y’all Mama Lynn update I was talking to my son who if you haven’t seen my other posts came out recently, and found out I might not be just a straight ally! I assumed all straight ladys were also just as attracted to other ladys as they were men and I never really thought about it till now but turns out I might be bi??? Is that the right word?? Thanks for all the love n support!!

6. The ‘good for her’ meme of the woman holding a cupcake. \End descriptions]

[Plain text: right at the beginning when she's like how do I help my son feel loved and accepted I'm here shouting [caps] “Queen you already did that by taking his side and leaving that no good husband for having the audacity to kick your baby out.” [end caps] And Good for her! this is the only response to a man who kicks out a child. \End PT]

[mysticficti0n]

All my attention Part 4

warnings- swearing, drinking, sexual tension, romance, fighting?

words- 3.8k

If you'd like to read the previous parts → All my attention series

a/n- so if you're new here I am British and cannot speak any German, I speak a little French, Spanish and Italian but German- no. I also do not trust Google translate so this is gonna be like an avatar thing (if you've seen the newest one Jake says that their language just became normal or something along those lines) so in reality this is all in German, you as a reader know German but, its wrote in English... make sense? no... well, sorry this part has taken a while- I'm on holiday atm so I probably wont be posting till I'm home BUT I didn't want you to be without, also fucking thank you all so much for the response to the first and second part and now third! I can't believe the response to it, I could've cried because im a baby , love you all

(P.s- this one is shorter and shittier, I've not had much free time so this was written between 2 days- so I'm sorry I promise once I'm home they will get much better and saucy 😉)

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backstory- you are the 5th member of Tokio Hotel and you always thought the love was equally platonic between you and a certain guitarist... but what if that all changed?

"okay rock, paper, scissors who goes first" I smiled turning to him, we balled our fists up and chanted "rock, paper, scissors" Tom held rock and I was paper "YES!" I cheered

"yeah well done" Tom cooed dramatically, I looked around and Tom put his hands back onto my legs fiddling with my anklet I forgot I had on and finally something caught my eye

"eye spy with my little eye something beginning with C" I spoke seeing his eyes dart around the car and out the window

"case?" I shook my head "cigarets?... car?... cap?.... your erm.. cardigan!?" I laughed seeing him become annoyed so easily "how hard can it be... is it in here?"

"yes it is- all around us in fact" Tom's brown eyes widened at my words and he carried on looking

"crisps?... OH Carpet!" he finally called to which I clapped my hands "thats such a shit one" he moaned

"so why did it take you 6 try to get it Thomas?" I asked eyeing him slightly

"shut up- alright erm.. eye spy with my little eye... ah... something beginning with B" he smiled looking at me

"Books?... bottles?...bags?....Bill?.... bandage?... bracelets?... is it in or out?" Tom blew at my words

"sorry what? in or out?"

"yes in the car or out the car!?" he oh'ed at me with a smirk forming on his face

"in" with a nod I carried on looking, I couldn't see anything beginning with B and I began to give up "wanna another clue?"

"yes because I don't have a fucking idea" I grumbled

"its living" my eye squinted seeing Tom laugh at me

"no I give up what the fuck begins with B and is 'living'?!" I called slamming myself back into my seat

"bassist" he purred looking back at a sleeping Georg

"we're not playing eye spy anymore" I spoke turning away from him and looking out the window

"oh come on!" Tom pinched "I'll make it easier" I turned back and saw his eyes look softer, a pout forming on his lips "please" he whined

"can't we just spend time together?" I asked pouting like him

"go fuck yourself Y/n" the guitarist huffed shoving my legs off his lap "I wanna play a game!" angrily he crossed his arms like an annoyed toddler and sunk deeper into the chair, I sat up straight and leant towards him, close to the shell of his ear

"we can play when were home Tommy" I whispered gently to him, his posture became more stiff and he tucked his lip between his teeth, our eyes met and for a long moment we stayed still just staring

"is that a promise?" he spoke back giving me a shiver down my spine, a serious blush colouring my cheeks, I always try have the upper hand when we 'flirt' but I always melt at his words

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I woke up to the feeling of being unbuckled out my seat, my eyes parted to see a smiling black haired boy who was whispering something "oh you're awake, were home sleeping beauty" he let go and moved to be out the way, I looked out to see the sky a beautiful purple and pink then... my home

the orange brick and small patterns in-beaded in the concrete (this is what I'm basing it off, I know its says luxury but I just like the outside look of it! ) and the white windows, it was a refreshing sight, I saw all our bags outside the front door and I practically ran up, I passed Gustav who was looking at the flowers that bloomed around the drive, I opened the door and saw the hall I remember running down as a child and all the family pictures decorating the place "MOM! WERE HOME!" I called listening to where her voice would come from

"OKAY COME OUTSIDE, BRING THE BOYS!" she shouted back, I went and gathered the other 4 and brought them threw the house we all knew to well, we went right through and saw our families chatting and drinking wines, beer and small snacks were laid out "oh my darlings, how was your drive?"

"Long we got stuck for fucking ages" Bill cursed grabbing a beer "happy to be home" we all agreed and grabbed ourselves a beer, cheering them all together and taking a swig, I looked out to the garden seeing my sister in her little house playing with my dad and Gustav's and then our trampoline

"hold this" I spoke to Georg who grabbed my bottle, I took off down the garden and climbed onto the metal and started jumping seeing everyone watching me "Hi Stella!"

"Hi hi Baba!" she waved giving me a gummy smile as she watched me bounce up and down

"Y/N YOU'RE 17!" Simone called

'AND WHAT!" I shouted seeing her laugh, then Bill tapped his brothers shoulder and came down the steps to me and got on the trampoline, we bounced each other laughing as one went higher than the other, soon Gustav joined, then Tom and then finally Georg and soon we were making everything a competition "I CAN GET HIGHER!" I called as everyone jumped shooting me into the air "AHHH HOLY SHI-" I screamed as I came back down, we played crack the egg and alligator and gazelles but then my dad came and pulled us off

"we have guests, they've come to see you all- so behave and grow up will ya" he warned as we all rolled our eyes "ah- say it"

"yes sir" we all groaned walking back up into the house seeing our parents hugging someone "who is it?" Gustav asked grabbing his beer again

"dunno" Bill spoke trying to see over the group "looks like a women?" I thought to myself but came to no avail

"Y/n, Bill, Tom you remember Scarlett and her family right?" my mom asked bringing a women forward, she had dark brown hair and very fair skin, I looked to the twins who like me had no clue

"erm.. yea of course, Scarlett lovely to see you" Tom spoke first sticking his hand out with a fake smile

"oh Bill! look how grown up you are" she pulled the wrong twin into a hug

"oh no thats Bill, this is Tom" my mom laughed patting the taller twins shoulder

"oh I'm sorry boys- you look so similar!" I watched as the two eyed each other, with their totally opposite style that they've had since the late 90's you'd think people could differentiate the two

"ah yeah" Tom replied as the women hugged his brother

"and Y/n you look so different, what happened to your hair? and you have so many ear pricing! and you have boobs!" she chuckled giving me a hug

"yep- comes with being a girl" I spoke awkwardly "oh and this is Gustav and Georg" the lady waved to them to which the two smiled "how are you anyways" I asked trying to redirect the conversation

"good good, moved house, re-married left that cheating fucker I called my husband- 5th marriage now" Scarlett grinned making us go wide eyed "but you know, me and Benson and Zach, my youngest son who I don't think you've met tried to get tickets to your concerts, I remember how you 4 used to be amazing friends but obviously went different paths.. well actually- Benson doll come here, come say hi!" my eyes went to the two boys who shrugged not remembering a Benson, soon a tall-ish blonde boy with blue eyes stepped forward "no- get your brother- they don't know you" she hurried making me cringe slightly for the boy who frowned

"its alright if he's busy scar, they can say hello later" my mom smiled placing her hand on Toms arm

"no no- ah here you are, remember-"

"holy fuck" I spoke seeing the boy, well now man. Very tall, black haired, freckled faced, green eyed boy who I remembered being a awkward, snotty, weird little kid "ben?"

"Y/n god its been years" he spoke, his voice was deeper and rougher "Bill, Tom" he shook their hands and the two smiled remembering our old friend, he moved to me hugging me

"you've changed dude" Tom laughed staring at him

"I know, I thought I should make something of myself, I mean I look at you three and i'm shit compared" a snicker left my mouth and he joined in "yeah I mean, we all moved on right" he looked back at me and I saw his eyes travel along me and a smirk on his face "we all changed"

"ah-well erm... what are you doing now or?" Tom joined coming closer to me and putting an arm around my shoulder pretending to get comfy but I knew what he was doing "got a girlfriend?" I looked to the dreaded boy who didn't take his eyes of the other boy

"oh no no, can't be arsed with all the girl stuff, to much work I'd rather get my fair share, sorry Y/n- anyways, I'm an electrician.. don't want to bore you all so I'll let you go but erm, we should catch up so I can here all about your guys concerts" he looked back towards me

"yeah we should, maybe we could meet you at a bar?" I asked seeing the twins eyeing the boy again, Bill had a frown watching him

"ah well- they have their own lives I was thinking me and you? like a date maybe at my place?" I laughed slightly but Tom stepped in before I could even get a word out

"yeah she has her own life too but we have to relax for a while, we've been on tour and we have a radio show thing tomorrow night- thats our life so..." I saw Bill laugh

"basically were saying you're not putting your cock in her Ben- you're still as weird as you when we were kids" the other twin spat getting a glare from Ben and his mother who stood looking at Bill with a lopsided smile

"I think Y/n can speak for herself" she quipped making me roll my eyes

"look its nice n all, and you're a very.. nice guy but you kinda ruined it by saying having a date at yours, I've traveled all over and I know I maybe a girl but I'm not stupid- were not gonna fuck" with a huff he went to turn away

"its fine, id rather not be known for sleeping with the chubby slut side singer from a band sad fuckers listen to anyways" my jaw dropped, who the fuck did he think he was talking to?

"watch your fucking mouth" I spoke seeing the families turn to look at me, he smiled looking down at me "don't fucking smile at me because I'll carve you into the floor you dick" I hissed shoving him away as he tried to step forwards attempting to intimidate me

"okay calm down sugar" at that I felt the arm that was around me go and Tom was over the boy pushing him back

"TOM!" his mom called "BILL GET YOUR BROTHER!" he 'tried' pulling his brother off but he was enjoying this, Bill loved drama "Gordon grab him" she spoke shoving her boyfriend at Tom. The boys step dad grabbed him away and Tom shouted a few words back at him

"DON'T FUCKING TRY- YOU WONT DO SHIT" Tom roared trying to push off Gordon who was holding his shoulders talking to him to get him away, my mom was ushering us away, our fathers stood watching cheering on Tom, not helping the situation getting angered stares from the women

We watched as Scarlett went out shouting things to her son and waving my mother bye, with a breath it was time to face the words of our mothers "what was that for!" my mom Angelica spoke with a growl

"mom it wasn't Toms fault" I began seeing her shake her head "he was trying to get me to fuck him, they were sticking up for me"

"Tom, Bill Is this true?" Tom nodded taking a sip of his beer

"then he called her chubby and a slut! like come on Angie in makes sense why" Bill added and my moms eyes shot up

"what!" Simone spoke standing from her seat "that bitch" my mom shot her a look and she sat back down

"well Tom, you two as well, I understand why it happened. carry on" we nodded and walked to Georg and Gustav who were laughing

"had fun?" Gustav shoved his friend

"fuck off" Tom whispered staring out to the garden

"I think I'm going to change" the boys nodded and I lifted my drink and made my way up stairs to my room tabled 'my little sunshine' the sticker had been on there since I was born- It was a nickname only my mom called me and I knew if she didn't say it I was in a lot of shit. I looked in the mirror and saw in the reflection the large poster of Tokio Hotel I had above my make-up desk, It was us doing our 'signature' pose pointing to the camera with our bad bitch faces on as Bill said. I took off my shirt leaving me in my baggy jeans and a bra with lace curling around it, I walked to my window which looked over the back garden and watched as the boys were now playing with Stella, it looked like they were having a tea party of sorts which made me smile, I loved how they treated Stella like their sister too

"Y/n can I come in?" a voice startled me as his face appeared around the door

"fuck, yeah come in, I thought you were outside still" I laughed seeing Tom but his face didn't copy mine- he was still angry, he perched on my bed looking around the room "I think I might redecorate its little, dated" he nodded but his eyes went back to me

"I'm sorry" I furrowed my eyebrows

"for what?, you were sticking up for me I'm not going to be like 'ugh Tom how dare you!' am I?" a small smile cracked on his lips

"I keep being really... over the top I guess, like say you did actually like Ben and I just acted like that?" I rolled my eyes sitting myself next to him placing my hand on his knee

"I would've told you to back off- so don't worry" his eyes drifted to mine and turned softer, I moved my hand to his jaw and let my thumb caress his cheek "and I like you being protective over me, so you're fine"

"you're to good to me" he spoke watching me closely "and I could be a lot more protective of you, if thats what you like" his voice was a sultry whisper, I neatly melted to his words, I think he realised when he chuckled deeply causing me to just shudder, our foreheads knocked onto each others, our lips brushing each others

"okay pretty boy- lemme change" Tom's face lit up slightly with a blush but he sighed laying back on my bed covering his eyes "fine" I accepted he wasn't going to leave which in reality didn't effect me, I got changed infront of him a lot so quickly I pulled out a black tube top, my zip up hoody and sprayed myself with my 'can can' spray

"that smells good" he stood up coming to stand behind me, arms circling my waist "remember what you said earlier?" he spoke in my ear pressing a small kiss to my jaw

"I do, but people will be wondering why you've got a boner so... and you can't really say its from your best friend because she's so sexy and turns you on beyond any other girl in the universe can you?" I smiled turning to him, I knew I was torchering him "and then everyone will know you have a crush on me, because I'm so perfect"

"you play a hard game Y/l/n" I grinned turning myself in his arm so his hand was on my back "literally"

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the moon rose into the sky, Stella was in bed and we were all sat around a small fire the dad's made, my mom and Gustav's mom were making cocktails in the kitchen while Georg and the twins mom chatted while sipping on some wine from earlier, leave us five talking about our shows

"I think we could be more extravagant" Bill spoke "more lights and make the ground shake uno?"

"yeah I want to be deaf at the end" Gustav added taking a bite of a sandwich

"maybe we should try traveling more with tour? like going to America and England, Mexico" I asked cuddling into the blanket we had

"hot chicks in England" Georg added cheersing Tom with their beer "and guys for you" we all laughed and soon Gustav's mom came out with a tray of drinks, 5 cocktails and 5 shots, followed by my dad holding a camera

"we are calling these 'Tokio Hotel martini'!" she called handing us glasses full of a purple liquid "its 3 ounces gin, ½ ounce maraschino liqueur, ½ ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice, ¼ ounce crème de violette, ice and Cocktail cherry for garnish!" she smiled "and here's some vodka" a laugh left our lips as we all quickly grabbed one "enjoy!" we all tapped the shots twice onto the table and knocked them back and quickly chased it with the 'Tokio hotel martini' which was delicious to say the least

"mom these are amazing" Gustav hummed "thank you" we all spoke together

"you can tell they're our children" Simone began wrapping a arm around my mom "little shits" she smiled

"thanks mom" Bill grinned

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The night turned into just everyone relaxing, Georg and Bill went up into the spare room and to sleep, Gustav was playing pool with the dads while me and Tom sat with our moms and drank different alcohol that was set out, I was sat leaning on the arm of the chair and my legs over Tom who was stroking them without a thought

"what times that interview thing?" Alexia Georg's mom asked tapping me on the shoulder

"erm... I'm not sure- Tom what time is the-" he looked over answering before I could finish

"starts at 6" he went back to his conversation and Alexia only giggled

"6 then, how come?"

"well we were thinking of booking a meal, as like a celebration and inviting all the grandparents because they've missed you all, so you think it would be done for 9?" I nodded seeing her walk into he house and pull the phone off the hook, I turned back to the dreadlocked boy and just found myself staring at him, just the way he looked while in a serious conversation but then a smile appearing on his face when a joke was made, the way he held me like I was his but I knew it was just a platonic sort of thing, we'd never done anything besides kiss, I knew I'd never be his- I wasn't going to be mad if he did find girls I mean come on its Tom Kaulitz he could get any girl, I was just lucky we were so close anyways, all I knew is that he liked making out with me and occasionally I looked pretty to him

"thats what I said to Y/n, because we want one...yeah what do you think?- Y/n" I was snapped out my trance by him shaking my leg gently

"sorry what was that?" I asked bring myself to the conversation

"getting a tattoo" my mouth made a 'O' shape and nodded

"yes oh my god I want so many but we want one for the band" Tom nodded looking back to the women "and I want to get some more piercings, like the middle of my lip and nose" my mother shook her head

"why your nose! its so cute" Bella Gustav's mom joined "'the lip will look badass though" I smiled seeing my mom sigh at her friend not being very helpful "what! come on Angelica lighten up"

"you'll love it mom!" she nodded rolling her eyes

"well its getting late- I think you two and Gus should go up to bed, its already.. fuck 12:30, Yes bed" She began pulling me and Tom up and calling Gustav over, we hugged and kissed everyone goodnight and made our way into our rooms, Gustav walked in and just fell onto the air mattress on the floor, I looked to see Georg and Bill sharing the bed, Bill had stolen most the blanket as usual so being the good friend I am I went and grabbed an extra blanket for the bassist and placed it over him

"let me walk you to your room" Tom whispered grabbing my hand and pulling me down the corridor into my bedroom, the room was dim but I could make out where he was and the smirk along his lips "I saw you staring at me" I tried to avoid his eyes "oh so you wont look at me now huh?" he pushed and I stayed silent, embarrassed of how he saw me, his fingers curled under my chin and pulled my face to meet his which looked softer "you're okay Y/n" Tom pulled me closer which I didn't even know was possible, my heart began beating quickly, it felt as if it could leap out of my chest at any moment. Our eyes met for a brief moment again before he leaned in and pressed his lips gently to mine. In that moment, time seemed to stand still as I melted into his embrace. Every inch of my body was on fire as I smiled feeling his breath on me, the kiss felt different, and had more meaning then the ones before "fu-fuck you're so beautiful" he hummed. Together we stumbled to my bed where he fell below me, I crawled to be closer to him, Tom's hands searching my body but quickly finding themselves comfy on my waist, I held his face between my hands, smoothing his skin with my thumbs. we parted with dopey smiles smothering our faces, lips pursed and eyes open only slightly "actually I prefer looking at you from down here"

"oh yeah- bet you do" I laughed feeling him sit me on his hips which a small yelp left my mouth "sorry" the guitarist only grinned moving his hands onto my thighs with a sigh "what?" I asked

"what are we?" a question I had actually wondered a lot about "I know what I'd like to be"

"and whats that?" I spoke leaning closer to him, letting the smell of his cologne and beer fill my nose

"yours"

[professorspork]

u should like!! toootally drop blake and yang outfit references for ur newsbees au. for like. research purposes

!!! okay I can't tell if you're asking this for fanart reasons (EVERYONE SHOULD FEEL VERY FREE TO DO THAT) or for spank bank "my thirst requires an accurate theater of the mind" reasons (VALID) but

this makes me UNHINGED and i plan to be SO THOROUGH so THANK YOU FOR ASKING

i have put this under a cut to spare you all but i think you should click on it and admire the gilded age urchin chic

first of all, let me say that Newsies Are Beautiful. They have never met two clashing patterns they didn't want to combine and I think they are perfect in every way

that said

the classic Jack look could certainly use some tailoring before it's truly ready for the Yang prime time

these numbered fellas give us a better place to start when it comes to I WANT MY NEWSIES TO NOT BE SWIMMING IN CLOTHES TWO SIZES TOO BIG YES I KNOW THE VERITAS OF THEM SCROUNGING FOR WHATEVER BUT ALSO. THIRST.

Fella 1 is a pretty bang-on Yang and you can tell that was his intention because he's growing out his hair, bless. sleeves rolled to show arm, shirt unbuttoned scandalously to show cleavage, open vest, neat cap, high socks. the lower half does lose points for the striped socks that remind me of the Wicked Witch of the East's feet sticking out and the fact that he's clearly in tap shoes as opposed to work boots like his friend Fella 3

Fella 2 gets EXTRA sock points for the argyle and the vest-but-no-collar combo which is very Nora. He also has a neat cap, which Blake always does because she's hiding her ears.

Fella 3 has a sloppy cap but is otherwise a bang-on Blake; kempt and tidy in ways Yang never is even though they are essentially wearing the exact same thing. Blake knows how to button buttons and Yang pretends she forgets every day

Fella 4's rocking the henley and suspenders combo which serves any member of our cast, a fucking classic

Fella 5 is wearing a tie he is trying so hard he wants to look nice at work, 100% a Jaune move

sir that-- that's not how crutches are supposed to-- SIR--

this Crutchie exhibits excellent Newsie styling in a very Yang color palette. high socks, mixing of patterns, rolled sleeves; excellent. the slightly fancier waistcoat, actually buttoned, isn't something Yang would go for but certainly wouldn't be amiss on Blake, Ruby, or Velvet

Ruby also, of course, wears a signature red scarf instead of her cloak:

like her scarf and hat just absolutely dwarf her, she's WEE SMOL

above we see our previous example Crutchie not leaping through the air, and his outfit remains exemplary but for the backwards cap, which I shan't abide. the Jack to his left-- what with his WIDE open shirt, tight undershirt, rolled sleeves, and suspenders, is very Yang.

good Yang looks can also mean THE SHORTEST SLEEVES EVER, TO SHOW OFF THE GUNS:

both excellent choices, and of course our lower fella (TURN THAT CAP AROUND YOUNG MAN) has got his bandana going, which is Quite Yang

all the guys in the background there are gold too tbh

look at this king in this fashion pose but also YEAH WHY NOT BANDANAS ON THE ARMS BANDANAS EVERYWHERE the yang xiao long story

^^ this outfit, on the other hand, is pretty exactly spot-on for Blake immediately post haircut/makeover

Weiss, I'm sure you've already guessed, is a Classic Katherine:

she's buttoned-up, she's fancy, her shit matches and she's the only one in a skirt.

the only thing where my brain gets REALLY SPECIFIC is the finale so uh. spoiler warning I guess for screenshots of the Newsies film and vague references to a plot resolution if you're reading the AU without having watched it

but the finale looks are ICONIC and non-negotiable

button shirt OVER henley OVER bandana and nothing's buttoned? suspenders on but hanging loose from the hips? hell yes.

i actually even managed to make that dirt smudge on David's tummy plot-relevant to Blake and that was completely subconscious and I didn't realize I did it until looking up these screenshots but there you have it. and by this point Weiss gets to be a little more loose and dressed-down, a la Sarah

in conclusion they're in love look at those heart eyes oh my god