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andypantsx3 · 4 years

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subtle | shouto todoroki/reader

pairing: Todoroki Shouto / Reader

status: complete

length: 2,171 words

summary: Someone leaves chocolates on your desk. You're determined to track down the sender, certain it's a mistake, and Shouto Todoroki makes himself as unhelpful as possible.

tags: romance, reader-insert, fluff, valentine’s day

warnings: aged up characters (no smut though!!)

There was a box on your desk.

There was a box on your desk, and the sight of it was enough to instantly set you on edge.

The box looked normal enough, if a little fancy, maybe. Its lacquered top glinted brightly under the fluorescent office lighting, its smooth, polished sides waterfalling into the soft matte of your desktop underneath. You weren’t close enough to read the inscription, but you could just make out some elegant, curling script inlaid into the top of the box, possibly the name of whichever company had produced it.

The box looked very normal, in fact. Only, you knew it wasn’t. Boxes didn’t just show up in the middle of the Todoroki Hero Agency, a campus swimming with pros and armed with layers of security so deep it took even you--Shouto Todoroki’s manager--fifteen full minutes to get through screening every morning. It was something very much like being a prison guard at Tartarus.

So either this box meant the agency was dealing with a security breach the likes of which had scarcely been seen before, or someone had mistaken your desk for somebody else’s.

Which, considering it was Valentine’s Day, made a lot more sense.

Buoyed by the realization it wasn't a security risk, you crept closer, peering at the box, and the script resolved itself into the name of the extremely fancy chocolatier in Hiroo district that you made a point of drooling over every time you had to make a house call on Shouto. Their prices were literally insane, so you had never let yourself wander inside, unwilling to shell out an entire week’s pay for a tiny set of chocolates. Even if they did look absolutely fucking unbelievable from the window.

Your mouth watered.

That confirmed it--this was a Valentine's gift, and it was definitely a mistake. For the briefest of seconds, you’d wondered if maybe you had gotten obligatory office friendship chocolates, but this was too much. Some poor, love-sodden flop had gone out, spent their week’s pay on someone they were clearly very serious about, and then proceeded to fuck the entire thing up by plonking their gift straight onto your desk instead of their intended’s.

You frowned, quickly checking the box over for some kind of clue as to who had left it. There was no note included, nothing even mildly helpful that would give you the slightest hint of the person who'd left it here. Which left you with the question of how to return the box to the sender without knowing who they were, or how to pass it on to whoever they’d really meant it for.

You drew your bottom lip between your teeth, staring hard at the surface of the box like you could crack its code if only you glared hard enough. The box stared back at you, unhelpfully silent.

You were still skewering the box with your gaze some minutes later, determined to unravel its secrets, when a deep voice murmured from your doorway.

“You look puzzled."

You startled, whipping around to find Shouto propping up the wall, looking as unfairly handsome as usual. He was watching you intently, those heterochromatic eyes fastened to your face in that careful way he had, the one that always made you feel too warm and slightly unfocused. As usual, it was all you could do to remind yourself that you were a professional and he was something solidly between a friend and a coworker, and no matter how cute and attentive he was, you shouldn't get any ideas.

This morning, he was dressed in his hero uniform, tall and broad-shouldered, his distinctive hair only a little ruffled from his early patrol. It wasn’t often someone tried something in the districts he watched over anymore, probably too nervous to find themselves on the wrong end of the number four hero’s temper. You knew from the reports you received to your phone that the only trouble he’d encountered this morning was a pack of amorous school girls purposely misusing their quirks to draw his attention.

Thirty minutes ago, in fact, you’d almost spit out your coffee laughing at a photo of him looking wildly uncomfortable as he attempted to ice down some girl’s lava quirk with his right hand while fighting off her unfathomably enormous bouquet with his left. It was only right that he should suffer once a year, when every other day he got to stalk about as handsome as you please, oblivious to the effects his appearance had on every breathing person within a five mile radius.

You gave him an absent nod, gaze drawn back to the box on your desk.

“Somebody accidentally left something in here,” you told him, gesturing to it. “I’m trying to figure out how to track down who it was, or who it was meant for.”

Shouto made a small noise in the back of his throat, almost like a cough, and it was enough to startle you into looking up at him again.

“What?” you asked, peering at him. Was he coming down with something? It wasn't often he got sick, but when he did, he usually attempted to hide it and needed to be steamrolled into taking time off. You looked him over, trying to assess whether or not you needed to start badgering him now.

Shouto gazed back at you evenly, his expression deceptively bland. “...You think it’s not for you.”

You felt yourself blink at him, surprised by the comment and struggling to discern his meaning. What did he mean, you think it’s not for you? “Of course it’s not for me, Shouto, it’s from Grégoire Chardin.”

You knew he’d know the place, considering he lived in the same fancy rich people neighborhood as the chocolatier, but Shouto looked unimpressed.

“Why should that mean it’s not for you?” he asked, his tone dry.

The remark caught you off guard, as his comments sometimes did, and you bit down something like a smile. Bless his sweet, oblivious, rich boy heart. Either he overestimated your appeal to his agency staff, or he really did not understand the concepts of cost and return on investment.

“It’s expensive, it’s not something you would give someone as obligatory chocolates,” you explained, watching as a white eyebrow went up. His expression sharpened into something you couldn’t read well.

“It could be a secret admirer,” he said.

You stared blankly back at him, absolutely floored by the idea.

He thought you had a secret admirer? The idea sent an excited thrill all the way down to your toes, but you quickly squashed the feeling. So far, you'd never been on the receiving end of any furtive but romantic gestures, and you really didn't get any interested vibes from anyone in the office, no lingering glances or excuses to spend more time with you. The person who paid you the most amount of attention was Shouto, which was to be expected, considering how closely you worked together. And obviously he wasn't interested, he was just happy to stand in your doorway spouting wild conspiracies about his agency staffers like they were completely reasonable things to say.

“I don’t have a secret admirer,” you told him.

Shouto’s mouth pressed into a thin line and he took an intent step forward into your office. “Is the point of a secret admirer not to be exactly that--secret? How can you be sure?”

You couldn’t help it--you gaped at him, your face going weirdly warm. Okay, was he--was he serious? You obviously weren’t the most unfortunate creature on earth, and you even had your good days, but nobody in their right mind was going to attempt anything with you when there were girls like Nejire Hado and Ibara Shiozaki roaming the hallways of his agency. Even several of the analysts and most of the support crew had you beat out in terms of appeal--literally bless this man for his obvious indifference to your appearance.

“I, uh--thanks for your confidence in me,” you said, fighting down a laugh. “But I assure you, it definitely wasn’t meant for me. I just have to figure out who left it and who they meant it for.”

Shouto shifted impatiently, like he was waiting for something.

“You’re so certain,” he said, sounding frustrated.

“Of course I am,” you waved at him vaguely. It was actually super cute that he thought you could net yourself a dude who was willing to shell out Grégoire Chardin dollars, but you were just wasting time now, lingering over the least important part of this entire affair. “Listen, Shouto. I know sometimes men talk in the locker rooms. If you--if you hear anything, will you let me know? I just want to return it, it looks way too good sitting here.”

It was actually taking all your willpower not to open it and avail yourself of Japan’s finest chocolate, considering you would never have another opportunity like this again. Maybe you should just pretend it was for you....Really, no one could fault you for opening something left in your own office. But...no. No, you knew better.

Shouto appeared indifferent to your internal struggle. He watched you for a long moment, his features impassive. “Under one condition,” he finally allowed.

You cocked an ear to show you were listening, rifling around with the paperwork on your desk to distract yourself from the chocolate. You were strong, a good person. You had willpower like steel. You did not need to eat it, no no no.

“If no one comes looking for it by the end of the day, you will open it,” he said, moving closer.

You glanced up at him, shocked. “Shouto, this is someone else’s gift,” you hissed. “I can’t just open it.”

He placed a large palm down on your desk, leaning over you slightly. “That is my bargain.”

“You want me to steal somebody’s shit in your own agency,” you accused him. You tried not to pay attention to how close he had gotten, how straight his nose was up close, the way his eyes seemed brighter and his mouth pulled into a pout almost too pretty for a man.

The rest of his expression slipped into something like annoyance, matching his pout. “If no one comes for it, then it must be evident that it was meant for you.”

You suppressed a derisive laugh. Now was not the time to get shirty with your own boss, especially when his delusions were kind of sweet. It was honestly just short of a miracle that a man who looked like Shouto did could possibly think anyone on earth would have a thing for you, regardless of his own tastes.

“What if they’re just too shy to ask for it back?” you asked, watching those heterochromatic eyes flick over you curiously.

“If it’s as expensive as you say, someone will come looking,” he said. Which was actually kind of annoyingly reasonable.

A smirk flitted across his maddeningly perfect face when you failed to come up with another argument. He had a point, and he knew it.

You let out a gusty sigh. “Fine, but only because I’m certain someone will come looking for it. Please be subtle when you’re gathering info, okay? I'm sure this is embarrassing for whoever made this mistake.”

Shouto looked almost offended. “I am perfectly capable of being subtle,” he intoned in his deep voice.

This time, you did laugh. He was quiet, maybe, very perceptive, and unobtrusive when he wanted to be, but no one had ever accused the man of possessing tact. “Yeah, okay. Just, try to channel more subtlety than you think you need, okay? No one else but the sender needs to know about the mix up.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Shouto was leaning over you more fully, eyes glittering strangely as his clean, fresh scent met your nose. You froze in your chair, brain going horrifyingly vacant as he leaned impossibly nearer. What the fuck was he doing?

“It will be like I’m not even asking,” Shouto promised, his voice light. “Not asking anyone at all.”

You tried to scrape your thoughts back into something resembling order, but the effort was all but futile. You needed to get him out of your space stat before you embarrassed yourself.

”Okay, then it’s a deal,” you said quickly. “Now go...flambé a villain or something.”

Shouto lingered for a long moment, his mouth curling a little at the corner, like he was being let in on a secret you couldn’t hear. His eyes brushed over you, almost like a physical touch. And then he was gone, pulling open the door to your office, looking annoyingly pleased with himself.

“You will see,” he said by way of farewell. “You will find out how subtle I can be.”

You stared at him in confusion, but he didn’t explain himself. He just smirked, and closed the door behind himself.

#todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto #bnha #bnha fanfic #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #shouto todoroki x reader

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years

Text

Looking for a Place to Happen 4

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape, age gap, general stupidity, some violence and threats, coercion, manipulation, hand job, loss of virginity

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: Sorry it took so long to get this out. Hopefully I can work on part 5 now that I have this posted.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 4: With its gallery gods and its garbage-bag trees

💀💀💀

Sam left you in the same daze that fogged the entire day. The night was restless as you tossed and turned, replaying the scene over and over. Every time you closed your eyes, you saw the lens staring back at you, imagined yourself on a screen, your hand moving between your legs, your pathetic mewls as you came for this man and who knew how many others.

Well, he did say it was up to you how big the audience was.

You woke early and only checked in with your nan to fill a mug with coffee and start your day ahead of time. You needed to keep yourself busy after a night bombarded by your own thoughts and yet, you couldn’t focus enough to do more than stare at the blinking cursor.

You put on a Twitch stream to keep your mind from wandering too far but it did little to help your focus. You fidgeted, still without your phone, and again thought of the previous day and what you’d done. You’d never done that in front of anyone. You only ever joked about it online, that persona was everything you weren’t irl.

All your stupid online jokes and exaggerations got you into this. You fucked up because the line between virtual and reality was too blurred in your head. You got carried away and now you just had to deal. Well, you guessed it was a lesson no one learned the easy way.

You didn’t realise how much time passed until your stomach growled loudly and squeezed. You felt like throwing up but only had the slice of toast you scarfed down that morning to coat your stomach. You rubbed your eyes and headed downstairs to sneak some of your nan’s sugarless jelly cookies. She hated your snacking but she rarely finished a box on her own.

As you entered through the kitchen, you came to a sudden halt. You tilted your head and frowned as you heard your nan’s voice and the one that answered had you knocking your hip against a chair as you rushed into the living room.

“Just over there,” she directed as the leg of the couch scraped on the floor, “slide it against the wall.”

Sam stood straight dusted off his hands on his jeans. He stepped back and looked over the old floral sofa.

“Definitely looks better over here,” he remarked.

“What the hell?” you blurted out.

“There you are!” your grandmother tutted, “I called up to you but you do what you always do and tune me out.”

“I didn’t-- I was working, I--” you cleared your throat and looked at Sam, “what are you doing here?”

“He’s being very helpful,” your nan praised, “how many times did I ask you to help me with this thing?”

“Sorry, I…” you swallowed and glanced between them.

“And smell that,” your nan inhaled deeply, “he’s making us dinner.”

“And I brought sugar-free dessert,” he added, “anything else I can do?”

“You’re so sweet,” she squeezed his thick arm.

“So are you… once you get past the frying pan,” he chuckled.

“I see a man in leather, I’m swinging,” she scowled, “you’re lucky you came bearing gifts.”

“Hey, look, we’re not all bad,” he smiled as she sat and he handed her the book from the small table that held the lamp and her ashtray, “I’m not like those guys who threatened your granddaughter.”

“And more honest than her,” she shook her head, “you didn’t tell me you were down at that bar. I warned you-- you really are lucky he was there.”

“Uh, sure, yeah,” you squinted at them, “didn’t you just tell me the other day I should grab any biker by--”

“I’m old, I say things,” she laughed but her eyes had a glimmer of ‘be quiet’.

“Would you like some more tea, Millie?” he asked as he took her empty mug and neared you, stopping in the broad archway that opened up into the living room.

“One more, if you don’t mind,” she smiled sweetly. She never smiled.

You hid a scowl and turned to follow Sam into the kitchen. He moved the kettle onto a burner and turned the knob. He stopped and opened the door of the stove and peeked inside as a blaze of savoury hot air blasted out at him. You felt it just before he let it snap shut and turned to lean on the counter, crossing one foot over the other.

“What are you doing?” you uttered.

“I told you I’d be back,” he shrugged.

“I didn’t think you’d--” you lowered your voice and glanced at the doorway, “what have you been telling her?”

“Everything she wants to hear,” he ran his fingertips along the precise line of hair of his goatee, “and nothing she shouldn’t… but that can change.”

“I did what you wanted. End of punishment,” you put your hands on your hips.

“End? Hmmm, I don’t think I said that,” his forehead wrinkled, “we’re far from finished… and come on, we both know you had as much fun as me.”

Your nostrils flared and you sucked in your cheeks. He was entirely too hard to figure out. He was that sort of man you hated and feared all at once. You just couldn’t predict him.

“I don’t… I don’t care what happens to me, just don’t hurt her,” you said quietly.

“Hurt her? Now why would I do that?” he taunted, “I mean, right now I have no reason to do anything like that.”

You squirmed and let out a breath, “please, alright?”

“Settle down, honey, you’ve been good… so far,” he said, “you just gotta keep it up.”

“Yeah,” you grumbled as the kettle began to shake and he turned his back to you, “any chance I can have my phone back?”

He chuckled as he searched the cupboard for the tea and plucked out a bag, “you’re funny… I like that but you gotta stop acting like everything’s a joke. It doesn’t hold up.”

💀

You found it hard not to wear a look of unamused confusion as Sam served dinner at the table and your grandmother sang his praises as he poured her wine she could actually drink. Just one glass but it was enough to loosen her up. You hadn’t eaten in the dining room since you were a kid, more used to eating at the counter, sitting on the wobbly stools or in front of the television.

Sam offered for you to clean up and do the dishes. Your nan was overjoyed at that, almost mocking. When you finished, you found them in the living room, some old Robert DeNiro movie on the television. You sat on the couch, as far from Sam as you as your grandmother yawned into her hand.

“Well,” she stubbed out her cigarette, “I should really be getting to bed. That wine is kicking in.”

“It’s early…” you argued weakly.

“You kids don’t get into too much trouble,” she warned as she stood with a groan and gripped her hip, “these ears still work.”

“Trouble? Me?” Sam kidded, “you don’t have to worry about me. I haven’t been a kid in a very long time.”

She smiled and nodded but for a moment she hesitated. She looked at you and pushed her tongue to her denture.

“Good night, girlie,” she said.

“Night, nan,” you forced out as normally as you could.

You knew if she sensed your fear, she’d act out. She was always too brave for her own good and while you admired that, you didn’t need to get hurt because you were dumb as a brick.

She left slowly and you heard her television begin to crackle and the voices of the Law and Order actors were muffled behind her door. You hunched your shoulders and rubbed your hands together as you stared at Deniro’s wrinkled forehead and that characteristic squint.

The lamp went out as Sam pulled the cord and the screen glowed in the dark. You felt the cushion dip as he shifted closer without subtlety. He slung his arm over your shoulder and you smelled his earthy cologne as he turned the TV up a few ticks. He pulled you to him as his hand came up to cradle your cheek.

“Shouldn’t we go… somewhere else?”

“She won’t hear us honey,” he cooed, “you just gotta be good. Be quiet.”

“Let’s go upstairs. Please,” you grabbed his hand as you pleaded.

“You keep arguing and I’ll make sure to wake her up,” he warned, “now,” he twisted so that he had your wrist in his grasp and forced it down to his lap, “put your hand down my pants.”

You gulped loudly and your hand trembled. You read enough fanfic to know what to do but your lack of actual experience had you nervous. Much like many things in your life. All talk, no skill.

You turned awkwardly on the cushion, your body uncomfortably contorted as his legs stayed pressed to yours. You struggled to unhook the button of his fly and the zipper was slow to descend. You felt the bulge as your hands moved against the denim and you hesitated as your fingers pressed to the elastic of his briefs.

“Mmm,” he purred as he hugged you closer, “that’s it, honey.”

Your eyes widened and you were happy the room was dark enough to hide your face. You pulled the elastic back with two fingers and shoved your other hand blindly beneath the fabric. You brushed against his hard dick and angled your hand so that you could grip him, his smooth length felt peculiar against your palm. Was he big? He felt big but didn’t have anyone to compare him to.

“Tighter,” he groaned at the friction as you moved your hand.

You squeezed and his hot breath grazed over your hair and he pushed his head back over the couch. He twitched as you kept a steady motion, trapped in the limbo of mortification and cluelessness. Were you doing it right? What were you even doing?

“Ah, honey, you’re so good,” he said as he rubbed the back of your neck, “goddamn.”

You said nothing as you focused on your hand. He snaked his arm under yours suddenly and pulled you over as he lifted his ass. Your hand was caught in his under as he laid you down beneath him. He reached down and fixed your grip on him as he held hovered atop you, his knees pressed into the cushion between your legs.

His arm crossed under yours as he poked along your jeans and shoved his hand beneath the denim and cotton. His palm was flush to your pelvis as he slid two fingers along your folds, held snug to you by the fabric. He swirled his fingertips over your bud and you gasped as your other hand gripped his arm in surprise.

“Honey, you’re wet already,” he whispered, “you sure you haven’t been waiting for this?”

You moaned as he pushed back along your entrance and dragged his fingers back, spreading your wetness over your clit. You quivered as you struggled to keep your own hand moving. He inhaled and groaned as played with you and pressed his lips to your cheek. He trailed up to your lips and kissed you, forcing his tongue inside as he shuddered.

He drew away with a sloppy noise and withdrew his hand from your pants. He sat up on his knees and pulled your legs to rest against his torso. He gripped the back of your jeans and yanked them down along with your panties. You smothered your cry as you were shocked by the force of it and the air of the room on your bare ass and legs.

He let your jeans dangle from one ankle as he bent over you again. Your leg fell over the edge of the couch as he held himself over you with a hand just above your head, fingers tight on the cushioned arm. He wiggled as he shimmied his jeans and briefs down with his other hand and you pressed on his chest.

“Wait, wait,” you hissed, “you… please, just… slow down… I never--”

“Shh, honey, you’re making too much noise,” he muttered, “it’s okay.”

“No, no, please, can’t we--” your voice caught as he lined his tips up along your cunt and rubbed it along your clit, “I’ll… I’ll use my mouth.”

“Later,” he whispered as his tip slipped down along your entrance, “honey, I need to feel you.”

“Pl--” your voice evaporated as the head of his dick stretched you.

You whimpered as he brought his arm down and nestled it under your head. He pushed further in and you gritted your teeth as you whined at the pressure of his intrusion. With each inch, the strain grew worse as a deep pain flooded your body. He shushed you as he forced past your resistance.

He covered your mouth as you cried out and barely kept your voice under control. He kept your head on his arm as his other hand cupped your lips and smothered out your agony. He forced himself in as deep as he could and your body tensed as your walls squeezed him. Your eyes rolled back as tears welled and spilled over the corners.

“Honey, it’s okay, we’ll go slow,” he coaxed, “just like that.”

He rocked his hips carefully but it still felt terrible. He pulled back and slid back in, each time it felt like he got even deeper than the last. His breath hitched and your own grew laboured as you huffed through your nostrils.

He growled and sped up, just a little at a time, your cunt slickening his intrusion as his pelvis brushed against your clit and sent tendrils down your thighs. Even so, the pleasure was not enough to mute the pain.

“That’s it,” he uttered, “that’s it.”

He fucked you faster and the couch shook beneath you. His flesh slapped and the noise seemed to be monstrous, so much sure that you were sure your grandmother would come out and catch you.

You grasped his wrist as you felt your climax rising. You squeezed and arched your foot as you were overcome and crashed down harshly as the pain tore through the ecstasy once more. He turned his hand and framed your chin as he kissed you again, swallowing your murmurs as he thrust into you over and over.

He lifted his head and dipped his thumb into your mouth as he held in his voice. He quaked and his motion stuttered but kept on. You felt his release, hot and wet, inside of you, a strange sensation that made you both sickened and aroused you.

He eased up and stilled at last. He brushed his nose against yours and chuckled under his breath as he wiggled his hips and you swore at the way it made your walls squeeze him. You blinked as your vision cleared of tears and the darkness. His features were blue with the light of the television, sinister and shadowy.

You went limp under him and breathed out slowly. You shook as he ran his thumb along your bottom lip and left a line of spit down your jaw.

“We’ll have to get that on tape next time,” he said, “but I doubt you’ll forget that, honey.”

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hyunjilicious · 4 years

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that night [harry styles]

A best friends to something else type of story. Exactly 7.8k (literally 7800 words which is scary) and you know I can’t write that much without SMUT. This takes place during a sleepover at the end of quarantine! Maybe tell me what you thought? :) (I promise I’ll edit this soon!)

“Show me yer phone, love” Harry groaned, sending you the coldest of death stares. The night started off as usual, you two just watching some old documentaries, paying more or less attention to them as you mostly just sat and talked. Things took a turn when your phone started blowing up with messages. Being the kind of person who always replies in an instant, suspicions arose when you decided to completely ignore the texts. Although Harry never violated your privacy and never pushed you for answers you didn’t want to give, when you started laughing and got nervous about whoever it was that kept texting you, he figured it would be worth it to push your buttons.

“I said no” you repeated yourself, standing up from the couch. There were two main reasons you didn’t want to talk about the person texting you, and these 2 reasons were also probably the only two things in the world you wouldn’t want to discuss with him.

“Why no’?” he asked offended, following you into the kitchen, like a small child begging his parents to let him have his way, “What can be tha’ bad? I wouldn’t have asked any questions if yeh hadn’t been so off about it from the start”

You turned and looked at him dead in the eye, contemplating what to say next. He beat you to it.

“Is it a guy? Have you been seein’ someone?” Harry asked as he walked over to you, completely ignoring your personal space. “Is tha’ it? I don’t wanna read yeh texts, just tell me yes or no, and I’ll drop it. Promise”

You took a deep breath. “Yes, it’s a guy” you said calmly, “But we’re not seeing each other”

“Then why does he keep texting yeh like crazy?”

“Crazy…” you sighed, tapping your chin, “Good description”

“Come on, Y/n” Harry whined, tapping your shoulder as he walked past you and towards the refrigerator, “Just tell me, I’m really curious, crazy how?”

“Promise you’re not gonna freak out?” you laughed, grabbing whatever he was pulling out of the fridge and handing to you. You stopped paying attention after three cups of pudding and one bottle of wine.

“When have I ever freaked out?” he joked, mocking himself. He was usually a calm person, more composed than anyone you’ve ever met, and he less than rarely got angry. And from those times when he did lose his temper, 90% of cases were mild and he was still calmer than anyone else in that kind of situation, but that 10% left was pure terror. When his friends told you years ago that nothing’s scarier than Harry when he was truly mad, you didn’t quite believe them. You had to see for yourself to accept it. It only happened a few times in almost 5 years, but you always still did everything you could to keep him from going off again.

“Ok, so” you started speaking as you rummaged around your kitchen for bowls and glasses, “His name is Marcus and we actually met on Tinder-”

“Wait a second” he cut you off, “During the lock down?”

“Oh, no. It happened before all of this madness. Around january, I think”

It was obvious he was already bothered by how this conversation started, but he did his best to control himself so you wouldn’t decide to drop it. “Pretty serious, then, huh?” he said eventually.

“Literally the opposite” you laughed, pouring the pudding into the bowl, “We saw each other once-” and it hurt you to say the following part but you did it nonetheless, “hooked up, and didn’t talk since”

Pure annoyance was readable on his features. “Apparently haven’t talked until now?”

“Yeah, I mean-” you cringed, “He texted me like a week or so ago and we didn’t - vibe, and he got weird, so like I muted the conversation for 7 days because I didn’t want him to bother me anymore but he got so defensive it was funny so I didn’t really wanna block him”

“Yeh muted the guy a week ago and he still keeps trying?” Harry asked, completely taken aback, “Can’t blame him, but still, tha’s a bit much”

“It is” you nodded in agreement, and motioned for him to open the bottle of wine for you.

“He must have liked yeh a lot” he mumbled, twisting the corkscrew into the top of the bottle, “Maybe you two had a really great time, and he-”

“Harry” you stopped him, leaning your head to the side, “I know you’re squeezing information out of me right now, but I honestly don’t think you want to hear more of this”

“Ok” he sighed defeated, “I’m gonna stop pushin’ yeh. Thanks for tellin’ me tho. And sorry if I crossed any lines''

“You haven’t, H” you smiled, giving him a hug from behind. “It’s fine”

After gathering everything you had fixed up to take into the living room, the pudding and the wine, as you passed the threshold of the kitchen, you heard Harry speak up, traces of amusement audible in his voice. “But like… At least was the sex good?”

“You want me to answer that?” you chuckled, plopping down on the couch. “Do you seriously want me to answer that?”

“Yeah” Harry shrugged, smiling innocently.

“It was horrible” you said bluntly and watched his grin wilt away. “Probably the worst sex I’ve ever had. No, no, no.. Definitely the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life”

His mouth fell agape. “Seriously? Why?”

“Well, i got to his house… And you know, up until then everything was fine, like he seemed like a completely normal and fun guy while we texted but like, as soon as i got to his place he became really… I don’t even know how to put it, he was um.. Very clingy and weird and we talked for a bit but then when we went to his room he turned into literally the biggest asshole I met”

“What?” Harry exclaimed, “Tha’s not wha’ I expected”

“Exactly!” you laughed, “Neither did I!”

“Then wha’ happened?”

“I went down on him and he didn’t do the same because apparently he finds that gross? That’s what he told me but I didn’t wanna get into it because I went there to get dick so I was like let’s just fuck, and we did… We made out a bit, got him worked up again, and when we fucked I literally thought something was wrong with me, because he just.. I don’t know. Bumped into me and after he finished I was there like… What just happened?”

“Yeh were right when yeh said I didn’t wanna hear this”

“Told you” you giggled, grabbing your pudding and toying with your teaspoon.

“Jus’ stop using Tinder, please” Harry eventually shook his head.

“A girl has needs, ok?”

He was enraged and completely ignored your words, “And wha’ does he want from yeh now? He really thinks yeh’d see him again? Really?”

“I don’t even know what he’s been saying, honestly” you shrugged.

“Can I see?”

“Can you like, read from the notification box? I don’t wanna leave him on seen”

Harry nodded in agreement and you gave him your phone. He pressed the lock button, the screen lit up, and it was instantly flooded with texts from him. Since you put the conversation on mute a week ago, you had no idea what he had been saying. It seemed that he didn’t appreciate your lack of interest and that he didn’t bother to hold back.

‘You pathetic whore, u really think ur gonna find someone better than me? U think ur so high and mighty and hot but ur gonna die alone you bitch. Do u feel better about yourself if u juts ignore my texts???? Well good for fucking u-’ and Harry locked the phone, the screen going black.

“The fuck did I just read?” he questioned, his annoyance from earlier, now morphing into pure anger.

“You said you wanted to read” you shook your head.

“Why does he think he can talk to yeh like that?”

“I don’t honestly care” you sighed, “It’s not like I’ll ever see him again, so he can go and say anything he wants”

“‘S not how that works, darlin’” he said.

"Can we drop this, please" you sighed, unable to quite look in his direction, "I don't like this"

"Well-" Harry erupted and judging by the way his voice instantly died down, you could tell he almost lost control, "I don't fucking like it either, ok? But yeh shouldn't jus' accept tha'!"

"I wouldn't call it acceptance, H" you shook your head, discarding your bowl of pudding and jumping straight to the bottle of wine. "I told him I'm not interested, and I stopped replying. It's not acceptance... he just keeps trying"

"But for some reason yeh're letting him talk t' yeh like tha'"

"Well-" you shrugged, and took a big gulp of red wine, "He talks by himself"

"Y/n…" Harry called, his voice soft and you could tell that there was anger hidden somewhere deep inside, but you still appreciated the fact that he managed to keep it contained. He extended his arm, his fingers brushing against the side of your thigh. It was a soft, delicate touch, that made every hair on your body stand up. He did it to get your attention and boy, did it work. Instantly, your eyes snapped to his, and were met with something you did not see coming. "Can I say something?" he asked cautiously, his eyes shining with genuine worry.

"You're making this into something much more significant than it actually is"

"I'll drop it" he eventually nodded, "If you promise me something"

"What?"

"If anythin' similar to this happens again, tell me"

"And what are you gonna do about it?" you giggled, trying to lighten the mood. As you kept staring into his green eyes, you brought the wine bottle up to your lips, took a long sip, and then handed it to him.

He took the bottle out of your hands, seemingly not giving more than two shits about it. The warmth in his eyes accentuated as his eyebrows gathered into a concerned furrow, "Make sure it doesn't get to yeh"

"It doesn't" you smiled.

"Lemme make sure"

"Ok, Harry" you laughed, "I promise you that the next time a guy from Tinder gets mad about me not reciprocating the feeling, and he starts sending me that kind of texts, I will tell you"

The sarcasm just flowed out of you, and he was not impressed.

"I meant in general, love"

"Any guy?" you taunted, "Not just from tinder?"

"Fucking put on tha’ movie" he shook his head, "I know yeh too well. Won't get anywhere until you get some wine in tha’ belly"

"That's your plan?" you laughed, "Get me drunk and make me spill all my secrets?"

"I never assumed you had any secrets, but yeah, now I wanna know those too" Harry grinned, throwing his arm around you and pulling you to his chest. Although this kind of intimacy was something you've been somewhat used to, tonight it was just a bit more difficult to bear. And it may all have been due to the way he mentioned he wouldn’t want anything to get to your head, and the way he said he’d make sure of it. Even though you weren’t truly clear how he’d do that and what exactly was going through his head, it was crystal clear how you’d have him do that.

But now was not the time. You glued your eyes to the TV screen, and begged your brain to focus on the movie in front of you and not whatever Harry was thinking about, mere inches away from you.

There had been something in the air that night, because neither of you managed to pay any kind of attention to the movie anymore. You talked, the conversation not going back to the previous topic, you laughed, gossiped like there was no tomorrow, and now it was almost 4am, and you and Harry were 3 bottles of wine in. Deciding to cut the alcohol before it was too late, you settled for water, as Harry went on to finish a weird story he once heard from a hippie touring the states in his van. He was completely smitten, his eyes shone with admiration for the old man. Harry spoke with words of great respect about a life he wished he could once live. It was only a matter of time until it would get to you.

“But,” you sighed, laying down and placing your head into his lap, “You really seem like the kind of guy to pack his bags and just leave. Like get a couple of friends or something, leave a note saying you’ll eventually be back, and just travel around the world”

“I kinda already do tha’ love” Harry laughed, double chin showing as he looked down at you.

“Not what I meant” you shook your head, “And you know it”

“Wha’ did yeh mean, then?”

He looked down at you, his hands finding their way into your hair as you contemplated how to put the words together. “I don’t know… Less social interaction-” you finally said, “Make it less about living the same songs in front of thousands of people, and more about living a completely new experience as you really get to know just a handful of people”

He didn’t look convinced. His dimples were showing, and a chuckle was threatening to escape his lips.

“That didn’t make any sense, did it?” you laughed.

“It did” Harry smiled, “Might have’ta resume this in tha’ morning, but i think i got the idea”

You pointed your finger to him, “Best”

“Me?” he grinned, grabbing your hand, “Oh, stop it!”

“Not you, your idea”

“Nice save, love”

You wanted to object and keep this topic going as the butterflies in your stomach started to riot, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, the sound of your phone receiving another text filled the air. In an instant, your eyes locked with Harry’s and you knew he wasn’t gonna let any of that shit slide. Not wanting to give him the chance to protest, you sprung up and leaned towards the coffee table, your fingers barely managing to brush against the side of your phone before Harry grabbed your waist and yanked you back, pressing you against the cushions of the sofa as he hovered above you.

The intimacy and urgency of this whole charade made your skin crawl, and you couldn’t help but let a few giggles escape, “What are you doing?” you laughed.

“Not lettin’ tha’ asshole ruin your night, love” Harry smirked, tilting your head so that you had to face him.

“I’ll see the text in the morning and it will ruin my whole day” you played along, but as it turned out, you dug your own grave.

“Oh?” he grinned, “So it does get to you”

“No!” you belted, “That is not what I meant, Jesus harry”

“Come on, hon”

His head tilted to the side, before he leaned down and nudged the tip of your nose with his. “Jus’ say the word”

That sent burning chills down your spine, and your cheeks couldn’t do anything but to comply and turn an erotic shade of pink.

“I’m not sure what to say” you mumbled, fighting against the urge to jump on him.

“I’m yer best friend, love-” he made a small pause, for dramatic effect, and just stared down at you while your blood boiled, “Lemme show yeh how good yeh can feel”

“I-”

He cut you off, obviously proud of himself, “I obviously wouldn’t have asked twice if I hadn’t felt you squeeze your thighs around me”

“Fuck, Harry-” you said, embarrassment rushing all over you as you threw your hands in the air.

He leaned down, and brushed his lips along your jaw, “Yeh could be screaming tha’ name”

Regaining your composure, you grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact once again, “What does this mean to you?”

“It doesn’t have t’ mean anything we don’t want it to” he nodded, “Just friends looking out of one another”

“Mhm..” you choked, “Yep”

“Tell me, and I’ll get off of you”

Your answer came a short second later. “Yeah, get off” you said sternly.

His features barely got a chance to show the disappointment that enveloped him, because as soon as the words left your mouth, you pushed yourself up. Excitement started showing on his face as you pushed yourself up. With a devilish smile on your lips, you grabbed the hem of his shirt; not giving him a chance to secure his balance on his knees before you pulled the material up his body. He clumsily shuffled out of it, his tattoos coming into full view.

“Is that a new one” you asked, pointing to his left shoulder.

To your surprise he took you seriously, and looked down, obviously confused, “Which one, love?”

“This one” you grinned, pushing yourself up and against his chest, this way, giving yourself a chance to press your lips to the base of his neck.

Harry’s whole body shivered under you as he let out a small chuckle. Instantly, his hands found your waist. Once your lips grazed his sensitive skin, the muscles of his neck relaxed as if under a spell and his head fell back. Harry’s fingers dug into your sides as your teeth sunk his flesh, sucking profusely. Having waited for this so many years, it felt all too real and completely unreal at the same time. There was a fire burning inside of you and the soft moans slipping past his lips were no help with taming it.

“Having fun?” Harry laughed, but his confidence and usual air of self control were shaking.

As a response, you bit into his ear lobe and delighted yourself with the whimpers of pleasure he didn’t even try to hide.

Although burning for it, you didn’t have it in you to go for his lips, so when he was the one to do it, all your radars went crazy. The way he grabbed your chin and pulled you closer, it was all you wished for. Years worth of pent up emotions dripped from your lips and onto his.

How ungrateful and inappropriate would it have been for you to beg for more and guide the situation in a different direction? Even if his gentleness made your knees weak, the heat between your legs begged for a less kissing and a lot more biting.

It was when he pressed you down against him that made you forget about everything that held you back. His erection was rubbing against your thigh as you grinded down on him, and you couldn’t help but break the kiss and sink your teeth into his lower lip.

Harry threw his head back against your touch, and a proud smile lifted up the corners of your mouth.

“Come on” you moaned, kissing your way down to his ear, “Show me how you should treat a girl”

His fingers snuck into your hair and pulled your head back, forcing your eyes to meet his’, “Is it me? Or are yeh a bit more excited for this than you initially let on?”

Your eyes sparkled as you let out the fib, “It’s just you”

Grinning, he shook his head in mock approval, and secured you in his hold, before effortlessly spinning the two of you around. Now, a mess of limbs, you looked up at Harry with what could only be described as pure lust. And it all reflected on his features. His ridiculously messy curls framed his face perfectly, allowing his proud gaze to fuel your engines.

With all your might you wanted to let him take the lead and not show too much enthusiasm, but it felt next to impossible. Before you knew it, your hands were cupping his cheeks again, forcing his body flush against your own. He kissed you back with no hesitation, as if he too waited years for this to finally happen, as if this was his dumb way of confessing to you that he too, was head over heels for you. But that was a scenario that regardless of its likelihood, was sure to ruin your mood.

So you pushed it aside, forced your mind to fall on standby, and instead, you concentrated on the way his hands explored every single inch of your body. When he broke the kiss, you wanted to protest, your tongue crying from the sudden loss of contact. But his lips traveled lower, kissing all the way over down your neck, along your collarbones, and across your chest. It was all aggravated and hungry, as if he couldn’t get enough.

“Yeh good?” Harry asked, looking up at you, cheeks all flushed.

“Yep, yeah” you whispered, the weight of the moment turning your voice into a light chuckle. Breathless and innocent, you were on cloud nine, and all your struggles to keep that hidden were in vain.

Delicately, as only he could, Harry pushed your shirt over your head, leaving you exposed, a fact which sent a whole new wave of pleasure down your body. This gesture alone shook your whole world, but he wasn't wasting any time. You barely even got a chance to catch your breath before he lowered himself, and cupped your breasts into his palms. Your back arched in an instant, and when his warm lips connected to your skin, goosebumps propagated all over your whole body. As circled his lips and caught your nipple between his teeth, your mind went crazy, muscles sizzling with anticipation. A suggestive moan slipped from your throat, and you could tell it surely tickled his ego.

“Gettin’ there?” he questioned even if he already knew the answer.

You threw him half a shrug, tilting your head to the side and pressing your cheek to your shoulder.

“So fuckin’ cute, angel” Harry chuckled, shaking his head as he crawled up your body, “Why’re yeh so cute?”

“How would I know?” you blushed, playing along with his overly teasing approach, “You’re the one who sad it”

“Don’t know why I think yeh’re cute?”

You nodded no.

A small but sure fire lit up his features, and he knew it was on. He did maintain the eye contact for a while, but when he finally looked down at your body, nonchalantly staring at your chest, that was when your breath got caught in your throat. The pressure was building up, yet Harry kept pushing your buttons.

In desperate need to pick up the pace, you nudged his chin with the back of your fingers, and when his eyes caught yours; you raised one eyebrow, motioning for him to continue. “Wha’ do yeh want me t’ tell yeh, love?” Harry grinned, leaning down to kiss your neck.

“Tell me what you like about me” you laughed, linking your fingers in his hair. While you laughed due to the amount of different emotions that coursed through you, Harry made it all the more difficult for you to keep it together. His kisses were light enough for you to feel the ounces of love that dripped from his lips, but carnal enough to keep you on your toes.

“I love everything about yeh” he murmured against your skin, his chain of passionate kisses crossing over to the other side of your neck, “I mean, wha’s there not t’ like?”

“Word” you giggled, your sarcasm coming in perfect contrast to the weakness his question brought to your knees.

“Fuckin’ love every inch” Harry said, having completely ignored your joke, “Every single part of yeh, yer body and god, yer mind”

His hands cupped the sides of your rib cage, as his lips traveled down your sternum. He seemed lost, completely absorbed. Every time he looked up at you, it was impossible not to notice how out of this world his eyes seemed. Glossy and dark, extravagant green looking to explore more of you. And those were only the times you managed to catch him staring. The pleasure this man provided surpassed the moaning level, he got you working hard not to scream in ecstasy, as his tongue ran laps around your nipples, and the way his lips sucked with that specific amount of pressure. It looked as if he already knew where all your buttons were, he acted as if he knew your body better than you did. And for you, that was a new experience, which would’ve already been too much, even without Harry involved. But seeing your fingers get lost in his absolutely perfect in a messy kind of way locks, as he treated your skin with such refined skill, you found yourself way too close to the edge.

In the high of the moment, probably following an unidentifiable stimulus, you found yourself concentrated on the way his palms felt against your skin. He held you in his arms as if you were the most precious thing he ever laid eyes on. And for some reason, that feeling alone had you skyrocketing.

It was when you moaned out loud, for the first time not holding back, that he finally decided to give you what he promised.

“Yeh sure this is ok, angel, yeah?” he murmured, looking up at you.

His light stubble tickled the lower side of your abdomen as his breath barely managed to reach your skin.

“Yeah” you clumsily nodded, your words coated in fervid enthusiasm.

Something happened. Something clicked inside of him. You saw it in the way his eyes warmed up. For a second he didn’t move, instead he just took in everything that was happening. When he eventually pushed himself up, you expected him to help you or motion for you to undress, but he didn’t. Harry lowered himself on top of you, pressing his chest against your own.

His fingers locked themselves against your chin, “I really wanna fucking do this right for yeh”

His confession took you aback. The seriousness in this tone was not something you anticipated. At first, he was the one who made it all seem like a meaningless game, yet right now, it seemed as though he fell into his own trap.

All you could do was nod. Nod in approval, nod as a sign for him to keep going. As a promise that it was all ok. This attitude of his was not something you signed up for. Even if it looked like the beginning of what you always wanted, it also felt a little bit too sudden.

“Come here” you cooed, cupping his cheeks in a loving manner.

In an instant, he leaned into your touch, his skin burning against your damp palms. For the x-th time that evening, his lips melted onto yours, but something felt different. But you kept going, allowed the moment to carry you further without giving yourself the burden of dictating a direction.

And seconds passed, and with each one, his touch became more and more aggravated. You could feel his need, and you have loved to think that what you were feeling from him was love, but it was just too big of a step to take right now. Not too shortly after, the situation escalated towards the point you left off earlier. You let him take the lead, and he soon returned to his usual self.

Harry made his way down your body through a chain of lingering kisses, each one of them awakening yet another side of you. This time, you were given no time to prepare. His experienced hands grabbed your thighs, groping their way up to your hips. Although it was fairly fast, it felt like an eternity. You breathing picked up when his fingers hooked themselves into the waistband of your leggings, and without even thinking about it, you pushed yourself up, allowing him to take them off.

Now, you hadn’t seen this coming, because if you had, you probably would have chosen to wear something less embarrassing than your Superman underwear. Your cheek heated up as if it was the first time a man had seen you naked, and all your insecurities washed over you. None of those thoughts crossed Harry’s mind though.

He just smiled - a gesture whose roots you’d never know.

Harry positioned himself between your legs, his fingers gingerly tracing up and down your outer thighs. “Really fucken gorgeous, yeh know tha’?”

His compliments have never been this hard to receive, “Shut up” you chuckled, rolling your eyes as you couldn't help but squirm under his stare.

“Wha’?” Harry grinned, leaning his head to the side as he let his teasing side take over,

“Tha’ tinder fuckface never told yeh just how perfect yeh look?”

“This is still about him, huh?”

“It’s about yeh, love” Harry rolled his eyes, letting his nails graze your skin, “Always been about yeh, always will be”

With each word that let his mouth, he leaned down, lower and lower, until every inch of his body was pressing against your own. He dominated the moment, and you love it.

When he engulfed your lips into a kiss, his right hand traveled between your legs. That alone made your core vibrate, and knowing there was no way to hide your enthusiasm, made you smile.

You felt the back of his fingers trace up and down your opening, and his words confirmed your suspicions. He pulled away from your lips just enough so he could speak, but he was still too close for you to properly see his features - he was just a few literal inches away, “I can’t wait to taste yeh, doll”

The grin on his lips and the pride of his tone, had a visible effect on you. The hairs on your body stood up in anticipation, and you couldn’t help but arch your back and close your legs around him. You kissed him back, and this time, it was on.

As his tongue pushed past your lips, Harry’s hands lewdly traveled down your sides, caressing every inch of exposed skin they found in their way. You didn’t see the eagerness coming, but when he reached between your legs, the flimsy material of your underwear didn’t even begin to come in his way. He shoved his hand under your panties, his fingers instantly coming in contact with your opening.

It was solely the emotional value of the moment that made you nearly gasp. Harry took his sweet damn time, as if you needed any more foreplay. The pads of his fingers gingerly traced up and down your opening a few times, before coming back up again to rest against your clit. It was soft and easy at the beginning, but the feather light touch of his fingers started gaining more and more pressure as subtle circular movements started to form.

When you looked up at him, you were met with the mess of curls that had fallen onto his forehead as he had his head hanging low, with his eyes trained between your bodies. With a gentle nudge against his chin, you prompted him to look up. At first he seemed a bit disoriented, but a wicked grin shortly appeared on his lips. It made you smile.

He was the one to resume the kiss, making it gentle this time - in perfect contrast with the action of his fingers, as he slowly made his way past your folds. When the first finger went in, you curled the corners of your mouth in anticipation. It felt fine, but it was just the tip of the iceberg and you knew it. Eager for more, you allowed your teeth to lewdly sink into his lower lip, willing to show him you wanted more.

With a grunt, Harry shuffled a bit, his knees bucking into your hips. The deep breath he released tickled your skin, but you weren’t going to let this go. As you forced your teeth just a bit deeper into his plush skin, Harry let his forehead fall against yours.

His tongue neatly traced along your upper lip, and you thought it was in response to your actions. And this erroneous thought kept you from anticipating his next move. When Harry pushed one more finger in, your senses went mad, and the simple fact that he didn't give you too much time to adjust before he pushed a third finger in, rocked you completely.

You moaned in return and arched your back.

"I got yeh, baby girl" he whispered softly, "Look at me, I got yeh, ok?"

After receiving an enthusiastic nod from you, Harry made his way down your body. This time, he swiftly shuffled to the side, pulling your legs together and riding you of the unnecessary piece of underwear you still had on.

Not waiting for him to take control, you spread your legs, and feasted on the carnal look he had in his eyes as he looked down at your body. He didn’t waste any time before finding the perfect spot between your legs. Your whole body shivered as he leaned his head to the side, his light stubble tickling its way down the inside of your thighs.

And following the rough feeling of the still shy beard you didn’t think he was able to grow, when his soft lips brushed against your skin, you involuntarily clenched. You bucked your hips and your legs tried, but to no avail, to close the distance between one another. You wanted more - needed more. And he noticed it.

Looking down along your body, you could only see the top of his head. And his fingers, pressing into the skin of your legs. And the tip of his nose as he proceeded to tease you into oblivion with millions of kisses, each of them nothing less than heavenly, but still, nothing compared to what you knew was coming next. The only warning he gave you as a hurried grin, and it was nowhere near enough.

It was on. Elegantly, but with traces of dominance in his touch, and with two fingers, Harry spread your pussy wide open, his tongue lewdly slipping right inside you. The contact and the buildup made you gasp. Had you not been so over the moon and distracted already, you’d have heard him snicker in response to the sound you just made. But you were too caught up. You felt him on every inch of your body, and the signals your core were sending you, were not what you wanted.

You wanted this to last. To have him go at it, lapping at your core for hours. To feel his tongue wag until your senses went numb.It might have been the dry spell that was forced upon you as the pandemic overtook your life, or the timeless, painful crush you’ve had on him for years, but you were already on the edge.

Trying hard to make the moment last, you curled your pointer finger and shoved it into your mouth, biting down hard. Your back arched dangerously as your head flew back, but it all just worked in his favour. Your pleasure was building up, and the careful, experienced movement of Harry’s tongue against your clit was only gaining momentum.

“Yeh taste like fucking heaven but I think yeh already knew tha’” he said, for a second pulling away from your core and giving you a chance to catch your breath.

All you managed was a pathetic excuse of a nod, along with a shy roll of your eyes.

“None of tha’” Harry laughed, licking his lips, “Don’t care how close yeh are, ‘m not gonna stop until yeh moan my name, love”

“Jesus christ, Harry!” you panted, shaking your head.

He responded in a similar manner, and again, with no warning whatsoever, he went back in. This short break allowed you to regain your composure, even if it was just a tiny bit. Your excitement, although still there and just as consuming, was easier to control now. You felt his touch all throughout your body, his tongue tickling all your senses.

What brought you closer into the moment was the feeling of his hands, as he grabbed your thighs and pushed your legs up onto his shoulders. For whatever reason, this felt even more intimate, and as his fingers sank into your flesh, you felt your engines start up again.

The delicate flicks of his tongue were getting more and more aggravated by the second, and now it was close to impossible to keep calm. Sweaty palms gripping tirelessly into the cushions under you, your back under constant strain, your eyes squeezed shut - he had you entirely.

And as if that wasn’t enough, he went further. Harry pushed one finger inside of you, moving his lips up to fully concentrate on your clit. His tongue prepared you, got you all ready and wanting, and then, he wrapped his lips around your bundle of nerves and sucked - gently and with a minimal amount of pressure, but god-

“Fuck, Harry-” you called out. It was more of a cry, choked back in the depths of your throat, all breathy and muffled.

“Come on, angel” Harry whispered.

As you looked down, past your heaving chest, your eyes landed conveniently on the top of his head. Complete chaos - his unruly curls tickled the inside of your thighs, as his fingers dug into your flesh. The two rings he never takes off were sure to leave proud indents on your skin.

Harry sucked at your bundle of nerves, the eager touch of his tongue awakening absolutely every need inside your being. Add the experienced pumps of his fingers and the fact that this was Harry Styles and none other, and you were done.

With each passing second you started to lose more and more of the control you had on your body. Sweating nervously out of every pore of your body, you squirmed under his weight hoping you’d make the moment last.

“‘S good, love, isn’t it?” Harry smirked for just about a second, “I can see yeh, yeh’re a mess fo’ me”

“Fuck” you whined, covering your face with your right palm as your head tilted backwards, “Shut up”

“Oh!” Harry faked surprise, “Gettin’ cocky?”

As he spoke, Harry curled his fingers inside your pussy; maybe intentionally - maybe by chance, hitting all the right spots and making you moan out loud.

“I’ll take tha’ as an apology”

You scoffed.

Harry shook his head. When you looked down at him again, you caught him licking his lips. It was obvious he waited for you to catch him doing that.

Already at the edge of your self control, you curled your fingers into his hair, motioning for him to resume his work. He followed your lead without any complaints, and when his bottom teeth grazed your clit, even if it was light as a feather you lost it.

Your mind became numb, drunk on the pleasure he provided. Your eyes rolled back as you enjoyed every second of your high. Harry kept you spiraling, continuing to lap at your core as the muscles of your legs tensed uncontrollably around his frame.

“Holy fuck-” you breathed out, voice shaky and wounded.

He made sure to milk every ounce of pleasure out of your being, leaving you a heaving mess under his stare.

Harry pushed himself up, nonchalantly wiping his chin, his eyes not allowing yours to look away.

As you gathered yourself and worked on bringing your breathing back to normal, there was only one thought going on inside your head - that it would only be fair if you reciprocate the gesture. Thinking about it was enough to make your core buzz again, but you didn’t have it in you to bring it up, and instead hoped he’d show he wished things didn’t stop either.

But he didn’t.

However, you got to kiss him again. And no matter how badly you wanted to keep the atmosphere on fire, he had other plans.

“Did I take good care of yeh?” Harry asked as he leaned down beside you. His hand found your cheek, keeping you in place for another longing kiss, “Did I do yeh right?”

You nodded against his lips, not willing to actually word the answer.

His chuckle made it clear that the point got through. And for a second it seemed as if the night wasn’t done. None of you was willing to pull away, and allowed the minutes to go by without a care in the world, lost in each other’s arms.

“Freakin’ love yeh, angel” Harry said.

It wasn’t the first time you’d hear this coming out of his mouth, but you couldn’t help but smile thinking this time it was meant in a different manner. You answered him by cuddling deeper into his chest, and that was a moment you wouldn’t have traded for the world.

And you fell asleep like that. No matter how big and luxurious your couch was, you still spent the night glued to one another. Harry felt every calm breath of yours on his skin and everytime he moved a bit to adjust his position, his hold tightened around you to make sure he wasn’t pushing you away.

After what was probably the best sleep you’d gotten in the whole year of 2020, morning came around. Actually it was lunch time, if we’re being generous. The sun was high up, proudly making its way into your living room, past the curtains to forgot to draw the other night.

When you awoke, Harry wasn’t there anymore. However, panic didn’t have the time to settle in as you heard movement coming from the kitchen, and the strong smell of coffee reached your nose in no time.

You got up from the couch, with herds of butterflies in your stomach. Harry’s words from last night still echoed in your head, and even now, with no alcohol in your system, they managed to bring goosebumps all over your skin.

“When did you get up?”

That was how you made your presence known.

Harry turned around with a smile on his face. He had a bag of avocados tucked under his arm, as he typed away on his phone. His undone pants were hanging onto his thighs for dear life, and the only other piece of fabric on his body was a thin, brown hair tie around his wrist. There were a few purple marks along his collar bones and his hair looked rougher than usual, things which deep down, shook you up a bit.

“Wanted to take yeh out fo’ breakfast, but I gotta leave in like an hour, so I figured this should do”

“Yeah, yeah sure” you agreed, “It’s perfect”

“Would’ve done mo’, but Y/n, yeh have no food in this house”

You laughed, walking over to slump down into one of the chairs, “Didn’t get a chance to get any perishables”

“You got some” Harry chuckled, “You got weeks’ worth of everything you need to make guacamole and pancakes”

“I have no idea how that happened, those will spoil” you shook your head, “You can take some of them actually”

“Or I could just come over”

“Even better”

The food was ready in no time. Harry had everything done and set while you washed up a bit, and after that, you both sat down to eat. Minimal and light, but still, there was a weight in the pit of your stomach.

“About last night-” Harry began to say, but you tried to stop him.

“You don’t have to-”

“We kinda do, love” he smiled, “I need to apologise, angel”

You squinted your eyes, “For?”

“I don’t really have t’ apologise fo’ what I said because I meant every word” Harry slowly said, as if he has a hard time putting his thoughts together, “I jus’ wish I hadn’t said it like tha’ though”

“Like what?” you questioned, a bit lost.

“Like I had the right to say that kind of crap” he laughed. It was nervous laughter, like he was afraid of what was coming next, “I do fucking love yeh, but I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted to hear that”

“What are you talking about, I don’t understand” you groaned, growing a bit tired of the impatience he brought upon you.

“You’re my best friend, ok?” he sighed, “That’s all we are, Y/n, and that was not supposed to happen”

The food got lodged in your throat, and you felt like if you didn’t stand up, you’d no longer be able to breathe. “It was your idea” you scoffed.

Harry’s eyes followed your frame, but he remained seated, “I know”

“So what changed? If anything even changed. I don’t understand what the problem is. You regret we did what we did-”

“I don’t regret anything” Harry butted it.

“You said it was not supposed to happen!” you exclaimed, rolling your eyes as you walked over to the sink, just to make yourself useful and to stop just standing in front of him.

“The things I said to you-” he said sternly, pushing his chair back and throwing his hands into the air, “I shouldn’t have said those, ok? It doesn’t matter who meant what, I told you things that-”

“What did you tell me that’s bothering you so much?” you almost yelled, annoyance dripping out of your pores. You walked over to him, and he closed the distance by standing up.

“I-” Harry stuttered, playing with his hair to buy himself some more time. “All the-”

“What?” you pushed, “That you like everything about me? That’s what you regret saying? And what else?”

“God” he groaned, “I don’t regret saying tha’, it’s just tha’ it wasn’t my place to say it”

You fell silent.

“If I were you... I’d want to hear those things from someone that is more than just a friend to me” he confessed.

“And you can’t be that to me? More than a friend?”

After a few seconds of painful silence, realization hit him, “Y/n…”

He did reach out. He took a step towards you but you stepped back. The remorse in his tone was too painful to ignore. So you moved away from him and slowly made your way out of the kitchen.

“Y/n!” Harry called, following you.

“Just go”

“Please...”

“Please what?” you shook your head, but he didn’t have the words you needed to hear.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s fucking fine” you sighed, walking backwards towards your room, “Just show yourself out”

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfic #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles fic #harry styles blurb #harry styles writing #harry styles x reader #one direction #one direction imagine #one direction imagines #one direction fanfiction

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softomi · 4 years

Text

Playing pretend isn’t just for kids

Oikawa Tooru

He had asked you days earlier, perhaps the most last minute thing he could ever do; you still disagreed to it the day before. He had flown back to Japan just a week ago for what you had told him was the stupidest decision of his life. He was attending a reunion, not just any reunion, it was his high school reunion where you knew he would fall into the worst trap of his life. Her, long hair, beautiful body, behind the innocent face she gave every boy in her direction, she was a witch who practically put a spell on any guy; even the Oikawa Tooru.

Last chance, if you pretend to be my girlfriend, she’ll totally get jealous and want me back.

It was the worst plan he’s ever told you, worse than the time he thought pranking Iwaizumi would be fun. You locked your phone upon entering the restaurant, the only guys who looked your way was the volleyball team members; the rest let their eyes remain fixated on the witch.

“Where’s Oikawa? I thought you guys were coming together?”

You laughed, “Seriously? Did you guys really think I would agree to his stupid plan.”

“You’ve agreed to much worse.” Hanamaki turns his head when the door rings, nearly spitting out his drink upon seeing Oikawa dressed overly fashionable; he can only imagine Oikawa hiring a stylist just for this moment.

“We’re about to be blessed with peak comedy right now.” Matsukawa along with everyone at the table turns in their seats.

You rolled your eyes, downing the alcoholic drink in front of you, “You guys are terrible.” But what you were going to do was worse. Perhaps you were being selfish, seeing him again after all the years; maybe this would be the only chance to see if those high school feelings were actually real. But if anything, you realized the moment he stepped through the doors, you weren’t going to let him fall down the rabbit hole of her again.

As soon as you saw her get up, you stood to your feet, moving quicker to him. Oikawa’s eyes were locked onto hers, she was smiling invitingly to him. You did the worst possible thing, your footsteps quicken to reach him mere seconds before she could; his eyes questioningly on you as you pull him down from his tie, pressing your lips against him.

“Hey. I missed you, what took you so long?” Your eyes darted to her direction, “Sorry, haven’t seen my boyfriend in so long, almost forgot what he tasted like.”

You don’t miss the way the former members of the volleyball club are hollering but you miss the way a hard blush is plastered across Oikawa’s face.

Akaashi Keiji.

He wasn’t always so invested in relationships, heck, even when you dated him; he wasn’t as whipped as you saw him now. She basically had him on a tight leash, the tie she was pulling on his neck made the sight just perfect for that description. You could barely hear it, but he was apologizing, she was continuously spouting nonsense, and he was merely a puppy following orders. It truly put a distaste in your mouth. In the last two hours since you’ve reunited with him and everyone else, he seemed on edge, even tense in her presence.

“Hey.” You stop him just as he’s exiting the bathroom, “Everything good Keiji?”

Akaashi’s eyes are fixated on the buttons of his dress shirt, “Yeah, just freshening up.” He talks in a hurry, attempting to leave but you pull him by the wrist.

Your eyes are laced with concern, “If you need anything, you know you can talk to me right?”

“Keiji!” You let go of his wrist, watching the woman storm over, “Sorry, but he’s taken.”

You scoff, “Excuse me?”

Her lips lined with disgust, “You can’t just waltz back in his life expecting to win him back.”

“Honey.” Akaashi tries to stop his lover, “There’s nothing going on.”

“No.” You cross your arms, your hand pushes Akaashi to the side; you face the woman up front, “Actually there is something going on, actually.” Your voice draws out the last word, a finger tapping the bottom of your lip, “I just gave him the best head of his life in the bathroom. Actually.” You’re stepping forward, making her take one back, “He’s still hopelessly in love with me, maybe that’s why you feel the need to wrap a tight collar around his neck.”

Her hand slaps across your face. Akaashi puts himself as a barrier between you and the girl.

“Don’t hit her.” Akaashi’s voice is shaking, “I don’t love you.” The words he’s been dying to say to his girlfriend for months finally leave his mouth, “I love y/n.” Akaashi, too, received a slap across the face before she storms off claiming to be embarrassed in front of everyone.

You laugh freely, “Gosh, when did you start dating such a witch.” His back still faces you, suddenly you’re feeling bad, “Keiji, I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t take things too far there.”

“No.” He turns to you, staring down at the red mark on your cheek, “Are you alright?” His hand brushes against your cheek.

You grin, “I’m perfect, it was so fun to do that again; remember that’s how I would get all of Kuroo’s flings to ditch the house. Nice touch though, saying you love me.”

“Yeah.” But he lied, he was still hopelessly in love with you.

Kageyama Tobio

It was supposed to be the biggest publicity stunt of his career, he had no idea why this was deemed a ‘good’ idea. But his entire team of advisors insisted that this would move him up in his career; to get caught in a dating scandal. They had even brought him a list of potential clients for the job, or as they described it, potential love interests. He was too embarrassed to tell anyone, he was even too embarrassed to try and pick out someone just based on their looks that he told his committee to ‘just pick someone’. That’s how it started, that’s how you entered his life.

Kageyama Tobio caught on a date with a-list star Y/N.

“It looks good doesn’t it?” You show him your phone screen, you were with him in the locker room. It was game day for him and you had to show up to support your boyfriend. From the three months you had gotten to know him, you could tell he wasn’t much of talker; at least not at the moment.

He only nods when he sees your screen, “Yeah.”

“Oh here, I got you this.” When you throw the item, he automatically catches, “I heard that you loved milk cartons so I got you one as a good luck measure for your game.” Your smile catches him off guard, “Cute isn’t it? I found this place that sells cute milk boxes with different styles on them. Look.”

He turns the carton to place it upright, “It’s a volleyball.”

“Cute right?!” You sit upright to face him, “Hey, this whole publicity thing, don’t think too much about it okay. It’ll be over before you know it; they’re planning on releasing our break up article in a few months but in the meantime we can just be friends.”

The door opens and the voices of men enter, as you turn your head, a dusty blush paints his cheeks.

“Kageyama, you can’t have a girl in here.” The men begin to crowd you.

You smile innocently, “Surprise!” You’re pulling a small basket of bento boxes out from under your seat, “I know I can’t be in here, but this will be our little secret. I just wanted to thank you guys for being so nice to my boyfriend.”

The boys thank you as they take the gift from your hands. The hand on your back makes you turn, grinning at Kageyama as he starts to lead you out the door. When you two reach outside the doors, you’re bidding him farewell until he pinches the back of your shirt to bring you back.

“Here.” He drapes the jacket on your shoulders, “Cheer loudly for me okay?”

You slip your arms into the jacket, a small giggle on the tip of your tongue, “I’ll make sure I’m the only one you can hear.” You wink before skipping away.

Kita Shinsuke

He always told you that you were too quick to get ahead of yourself, but how could you not when you were actively competing with his cousin’s girlfriend. He knew you absolutely despised her especially since at the last family gathering, she announced she got a promotion at work right after you told everyone you just got hired at your dream job, earning her immense praise from Kita’s grandmother while you got a pat on the back. It irritated the hell out of you. You were so much more involved in his family than she was so why was it so hard to earn a little praise from his grandmother.

“Honey, I think you need to calm down a little bit.” Kita tries to take the champagne cup from your hand, “I don’t know why they’d serve champagne at a child’s birthday party.”

You laugh, wrapping a hand onto his arm, “I just can’t believe she would do that, announcing that they’re moving in together.” You whisper to him, “You know what, she’s definitely getting back at me.”

He’s quickly pulling away your fourth cup of champagne, “And just why would she do that, she has no reason.”

“Not true.” You wave at a family member who’s passing by, you’re leaning into Kita more, “Remember your mom’s birthday part, we wore the exact same outfit, and your mom made her change.”

“I think you’re thinking into things here honey.” You shoot a short glare at him, his mother was right, Kita was too nice to understand the situation.

You give him a slight squeeze on his arm when the rival couple approaches, “Quick, think, what tops moving in together?”

“Y/n seriously.” Kita puts on a smile when his cousin approaches.

She gives you a look from your head to your toes, “So how are you guys? You’ve been dating for a while now.”

“Six years.” You say proudly, “Just four more than you’re relationship right?”

She gives a haughty laugh, “Yes, well, at least we’re going to be living together now.”

“We’ll be moving in together soon anyways.” Your lips move faster than your brain, “After all, we’re engaged.”

Kita spits out his drink, his cousin reciprocates; coughing as he congratulates Kita on finally popping the question. Suddenly all the family members nearby crowd you two, giving congratulatory praise for the sudden engagement.

Kita drags you off to the side, “Excuse me, just when did I propose to you.”

Your stomping your foot, “She was just so irritating, I had to do something.”

“Something?” Kita tries to not fall for your pout, “That something is us planning a wedding.”

Your pout gets bigger, soft eyes as you lean your chest out with your hands behind you, “Well, I just love you so much.”

He becomes flustered, “Fine. We’ll fake our engagement.”

You smile, pressing a quick peck to his lips, “Don’t worry, I’ll pretend I didn’t know that you were planning on proposing next week under the tree by the rice field.”

“I can’t tell those twins anything.”

Miya Osamu

He thought it would be funny to play a prank on his brother. Atsumu had been bugging him so much lately that it was practically unbearable; especially when he started randomly dropping by the apartment. It wasn’t romantic trying to reach your high hearing someone else call your boyfriend’s name. So, Osamu thought it was time that Atsumu got taught a lesson on leaving his brother alone. Osamu practically begged you to go along, at first you thought it was a cruel prank, but the day Atsumu opened the bathroom door while you were in the shower; that was the day that you gave Osamu the okay.

“Samu!” Your voiced intruded the volleyball team’s practice. You were angrily storming into one of their free practice days, Osamu specifically picked this day as to not intrude on actual practice and to plan a special surprise Onigiri Miya delivery, “How could you?”

“Babe what’s wrong.” He greeted you with a concerned look. All heads turned to you, even Atsumu’s eyes were hooked onto the situation.

“Don’t ‘babe’ me. You know exactly what you did.” You’re sharp with your words, “Did you think I wouldn’t know, that you’re messing around with some whore behind my back.”

Gasps fill the air, Water spurts out of Atsumu’s mouth.

“Babe, what are you talking about.”

“Is that why Atsumu’s been over a lot lately? To keep my attention away from your cheating. Is he supposed to distract me when you come home late?” Your eyes are reddening, Osamu and you practiced how to fake cry beforehand, “You sicken me, both of you!” You point at Atsumu who’s heavily shaking his head at the assumption.

“Wait, baby.” Osamu grabs your wrist but you turn, planting a hand harshly onto his cheek and he lets go as you storm off.

“Samu.” Atsumu whispers.

Osamu shoots his brother a look, “Don’t even think about following us.”

“Babe!” Osamu is running after your figure.

When he catches you in the hallway, you’re turning around with a giggle. You run a hand over where you slapped him, pressing a kiss on the area while he wipes away your tear stains.

“How long do you think he’ll be away.” You whisper.

Osamu lifts you, throwing you over his shoulder, “Long enough.”

In the gym, the tension in the air sticks like glue. Atsumu is having a mental breakdown on the benches while three men stare from the court.

“I bet you guys it was a prank.” Sakusa states. The other two insist it wasn’t, the scene was just too real for it to be fake.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #oikawa x reader #akaashi x reader #kageyama x reader #kita x reader #osamu x reader #oikawa #akaashi #kageyama #kita #osamu

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winter-fox-queen · 3 years

Text

Kisses Like Wine Part 5

Warnings: Cursing, some not very nice dealings to not very nice people, angst.

Summary: Despite his best efforts, you catch up to the Thief…but the consequences are far from what you hoped for.

That bastard had no right to look that good in a red velvet coat.

There he was, in his own private box, watching the opera like like he was the king of the world, opera glasses looking fragile and delicate in his hand.

Concentrate. He’s here for the same reason you are. And you are damned well going to beat him to his prize.

Her brother had come through. Found out who owned the auction house — I’d managed to find out about the discrete, underground auctions when I worked at Gambrel’s. I found out that the couple would be here tonight, all I had to do was see if I could find a way to get their key card fir the suite at the hotel they were staying at. Apparently they did not live in Rome, and only came in when they had things to sell.

They were older than I imagined. The woman looking elegant and patrician, her husband looked like a oversized fire hydrant. Their body language was not what I expected. They seemed to like each other very much, a fondness of many years together That made me a little envious. I’d followed them from the hotel, managed to see where he put the key card. I’d been careful…I heard whispering of how they made their money, and if it as true they where Not to be Messed With.

So, of course, I was planning on messing with them.

I snuck into a seat not too far behind them, but hopefully out of the path of The Theif’s gaze, and tried to be patient. I would move during intermission. Then I would have a whole half an opera and late dinner to break in and get what I wanted.

I glanced back up at the thief. He was too beautiful, and I liked looking at him far too much. His question about why I wanted the star was bothering me. What was the point? I followed him because he told me to. Because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Because I hoped if I retrieved the star I’d be…more equal. More accepted? I probably have about as much of my family’s love and acceptance I was probably going to get, but the idea of being the hero was alluring.

Maybe even as alluring as the Thief.

I was pretty angry with him, honestly. I knew he drugged me, I felt slightly drunk and out of it for a moment, enough disorientation to give him a chance to flee. It was stupid, probably, to be disappointed. If a tiger bites you, do you yell at it? Or do you accept that you shouldn’t have petted it in the first place?

Intermission. Finally. I followed them at a pace. I actually wanted to see if he would approach them first. So I hid. Followed, pretended to join a group and nod wisely until they noticed me and I muttered apologies and moved on. The place was a crush of people drinking, talking, discussing the opera. Perfect.

There. Flash of deep velvet. He was moving nonchalantly, as if he had nothing to do, closing in along her right side, away from her husband…so I did something awful. I pushed the elegant woman right into his arms. The Thief had two choices, let her fall, or catch her.

He caught her.

I went in, dipped into the man’s pocket, grabbed the wallet and left, letting the jostling of other people and his distraction with a very handsome man holding his wife cover up my actions.

I extracted the key card, turned the wallet in at the bar, and left quickly.

It was all so smooth. I felt fairly cocky. It was all so simple.

Until I got to the safe. I found it fine. There were only so many places to look. But I sat there, cross legged, my tight, elegant dress pushed up so I could sit comfortably on the floor, and realized I was completely out of my element. I fiddled with the edge of my latex glove and worried.

“It’s not in there.”

I squeaked. Like a damned mouse. I turned and hurled a shoe at him, and he ducked.

He smirked at me.

“How did you get in?”

“She had a keycard in her purse…thank you for throwing her into my arms. That made things so much easier.”

I stood. “You are so…insufferable. Yes. Don’t you dare look hurt, you know you are. Now. How do you know it’s not in there? There’s no where else it could be.”

He leaned against the low dresser and shrugged.

“Fine.” I shooed him away and returned my attention to the safe.

“I’m telling you, you are wasting your time.”

“Why should I believe you? You who love to drug me, lie to me…”

“I don’t love that at all.” He had the nerve to sound actually hurt rather than the fake hurt of earlier.

“So either tell me where you think the diamond is, or open the damned safe.”

He smirked at me. “They aren’t going to put a million dollar jewel in a hotel safe…but they might put something less expensive looking in there.” He got out his phone and started playing with the screen. The safe made a sound. I knelt and opened it.

“Well?” He asked.

“You had an app on your phone to open a hotel safe?”

“Absolutely. Hotel safes are worthless, might as well keep your valuables in a locked drawer under some tampons.”

I caught the dig, glared at him. “Everyone’s a comedian. I have an iPad, and a slip of paper.” A slip of paper wrapped around a USB key.

He held out his hand, and I gave him the iPad.

“No, that’s useless…I want the paper.”

I smiled and pushed it down into my bodice.

He stepped closer to be, his eyes dark. “Do you think I am above retrieving that?”

I looked up into his eyes. They were almost completely black, and I shivered. I was filled with the need to feel those large hands, cupping my breasts, stroking my skin. I cleared my throat and said, “The play ended forty five minutes ago. They probably got to Francesco’s for their reservation about ten minutes after that…the place right across the street from the opera house. That means that we probably only have a half an hour left before they get here, so I suggest…”

The elevator dinged. We looked at the still closed door.

“There are three rooms on this floor,” I said softly.

“Not booked.” He threw the iPad back into the safe and closed it. I ran to the window.

“No ledge,” I shot him a panicked look.

The coat closet. They might use that. The Bathroom. They would definitely use that. The bedroom…sneak under the bed, and wait?

He grabbed my waist swept us behind the door as it opened. He sprayed something in their faces and they fell before they were even truly across the thresh hold.

“Now what? If they come to they’ll know…”

“And they’ll change the code you are so obligingly keeping for me in your bosom. So…we must get them ready for bed.” He grabbed the man by the wrists and pulled him the rest of the way in, as I shut the door.

“I don’t…”

He looked me in the eye. “If you woke up naked in your husband’s arms, would you say you didn’t remember how you got there?”

“That’s…that’s horrifying on so many levels. I mean…she does not look like a woman who would be happy with strangers seeing her naked.”

“I don’t want to see other of them nude, but unfortunately someone interfered with my plans and now we have to improvise and hope for the best.”

I started to help him. “I cannot believe this is the first plan you came up with.”

He shot me an annoyed look. So, we improvised.

A short time later we were back on the sidewalk again. “I am going to feel horrible about that for the rest of my life,” I informed him as the cool night air hit my face again.

“We were as polite and gentle as possible. And, in truth, neither of them will ever find themselves guests at a cocktail party in heaven.” He turned to me. “Now, as for you…”

“No. No you don’t. You don’t get to come close enough to drug me or seduce me. Ever. You want the USB, you have to follow me to the warehouse.”

He walked a circle around me. “You are not dressed for the occasion.”

I followed him the best I could. I could feel the bite of the USB under my right breast. “I can adapt.”

“You can. You do. I am impressed with you,” he said in his most satin voice.

“Stop it.” There was a plea edging my words.

“What is your price?” He said, so close his breath ghosted over my bare shoulder. I stepped away quickly, turned. He raised his hands, all innocence.

“You won’t pay it. Now stop this…stop this seduction garbage. You don’t want me. You want the damned USB.”

“I’ll pay. Oh, I’ll pay. My first honest transaction in years. Now. The price?”

I shook my head, I felt overwhelmed. Conflicting hopes and thoughts churning away inside of me, and I couldn’t tell anyone.

“The Star. For your family. Will that give you what you want?”

“What else can I have?”

He gave an expansive shrug, haloed in the yellow street lamp like a Renaissance saint. “What do you want?”

“What about you? Are you on the table?”

He stopped. “No.”

“But you told me to come find you.”

He looked away. I felt like I’d stolen all his lines, and now there he was, naked and exposed on the stage.

“And you did.” His face closed like an iron door. “Good job.”

I’d misread him. I thought I’d understood this wild chase, but I’d been fool. What did I expect? I didn’t even know his name. “I don’t want anything from you, then.” I said, and I pulled the USB out of my bodice. It caught, it was not a smooth motion, it was awkward and I felt stupid, my grand gesture of throwing it at him ruined. It bounced off him and fell in the street. “I’m tired of you. You’re no better than my family.” I didn’t look up to see how the words hit, I just kept walking.

Thank you to you lovely people for being on my tag list, if you want added or dropped just let me know. <3

@grogusmum @mishasminion360 @hnt-escape @littlemisspascal @pedro4ever @writteninthestars18 @fromthedeskoftheraven @sharkbait77

@quica-quica-quica @eri16 @the-blind-assassin @ayoungpascallover-readings @songsformonkeys

#casillero diablo wine Commercial #The Thief #Pedro Pascal

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just-dreaming-marvel · 4 years

Text

Out Of Time ~ 106

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,350ish

Summary: Y/N gets a call. (Yep, that’s it.)

Summer came and went. Tony and Y/N spent every second that they could together. And when they weren’t together it was because Pepper had forced Tony into meetings and Y/N was at the new facility training.

Talks of having children never came up again, but that’s also because Y/N was doing everything in her power to avoid it.

Before they knew it, it was October. Y/N and Tony were currently laying in bed after another round of sex. They were both shocked when FRIDAY interrupted their peace with an announcement.

“Excuse me, Boss,” the AI started, “but someone’s trying to reach you using the private line.”

“The private line?” Tony repeated.

“Only one person uses the private line,” Y/N stated. “After six months, now is when he decides to call? Not impressed.”

“Ignore it, FRIDAY.”

“I have tried,” FRIDAY said. “But it had been ringing off the hook for the past hour.”

Y/N groaned, burying her face into Tony’s neck. “Just answer it,” she said quietly.

“Y/N? You there?” Coulson’s voice filled the room.

“She’s here,” Tony replied. “Have you decided to finally call and apologize?”

“I have bigger issues right now.”

“Really, Phil?” Y/N questioned. “Like what?”

“Simmons is missing.”

~~~

Coulson went on to explain that Simmons disappeared about 6 months ago, after looking into the rock, the monolith, that was on Gonzalez’ ship. Fitz had been trying his best to find a way to reach her, but nothing. Coulson decided that he needed Y/N’s help on this one, to at least bring Fitz back to reality. That Simmons may never be coming back.

Y/N and Tony quickly dressed. Tony ordered for all the information to be sent to him so that he could also work on it. He gave her a kiss goodbye before she went through a portal to Coulson’s office in the base.

There Phil also explained what had and was happening the Inhumans. Jiaying had killed Gonzalez, trying to start a war. Cal was forced to kill Jiaying in front of Skye, who was now going by Daisy. The crystals had fallen into the ocean and were absorbed by the fish. Causing people to start unlocking there Inhuman DNA without the risk of others dying.

“I do want to apologize,” Coulson finished off his briefing. “You didn’t deserve any of how you were treated. I’m so sorry.”

“Where is everyone?” Y/N asked.

“Skye—Daisy, I mean, Mack, and Hunter are on an extraction mission right now. An Inhuman after terrigensis.”

“Do they know you’re bringing me in?”

“Not yet. Thought it might be a welcome surprise for them.” Coulson checked his watch. “I’m actually running late to meet them. You wanna come with me or stay here?” Coulson began leaving his office.

“You said you were just bringing me in to help Fitz.”

“Yeah, well, I have a new plane. You wanna see it?”

~~~

Y/N was in awe off the new plane, Zephyr One. It was definitely more suited to the team’s needs than the Bus was. Coulson told Y/N to stay hidden while he went to talk to Daisy. She couldn’t help but follow them.

“How’s he doing?” Coulson asked, speaking of the man in the containment module.

“Okay,” Daisy answered. “For now.”

“Third incident already this month, but at least we were able to get our hands on this one.”

“The rate of new cases is increasing.”

“We knew it would after the initial reports.”

“A new inhuman could emerge anywhere, without having any idea what’s happened.”

“Only in the continental US so far. Plus, this new aircraft can stay in the air much longer than the old plane. Days, really, so rapid response anywhere is—“

“You love your new toy, don’t you?”

“I ver much love my new toy. But even with the mind-boggling range of this puppy—“

“Inhumans are still disappearing.”

“This is the first one in a while we’ve been able to secure.”

“Well, it’s no mystery who’s taking them. That black-ops group was there before us.”

“I know.”

“Again. Whoever they are. How many do you think they’ve taken?”

“We know of at least five sightings. Five individuals who vanished before we could get to them. But the real mystery is, who’s running that group?” Coulson and Daisy walked over to the monitors.

“Not if you did your part. How did it feel to join the paparazzi, Phil?”

“I think I might have missed my calling. I have every body, every piece of software, tasked with identifying that woman.” He pointed to the woman on the monitor. “So we can figure out where she’s taking inhuman and what exactly she plans to do with them.”

“Sounds like you need me for more than just hutting down Simmons and calming Fitz then,” Y/N stated as she walked up behind them.

“Y/N?” Daisy gasped with surprise. “How— why—“ She ran up to hug her. “I’ve missed you.”

Y/N welcomed the hug. “I’ve missed you, too.” She pulled back to get a look at her friend. “Well you sure have changed. Chopped your hair off and are going by a different name? Sure sounds like I missed a lot.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I called her in,” Coulson responded. “To help Fitz.”

“Anyone else know you’re here yet?”

“No,” Y/N replied. “Not yet anyway.”

~~~

Everyone was surprised to see Y/N back. But no one risked questioning it, not wanting to get on her or Coulson’s bad sides. She followed Hunter and Coulson to his office, waiting for instructions.

“They’re not HYDRA,” Hunter stated. “You know, I’ve been digging, and my street sources tell me HYDRA’s gone silent. Eerily silent.”

“Really?’ Y/N questioned.

“Yes, but—“

“Yeah, the HYDRA finances we track are static,” Coulson interrupted. “No money’s changing hands.”

They entered his office, where Mack was waiting for them with pictures of the woman they were tracking up on the monitor.

“And by the looks of the hardware these gung-ho nutters are using,” Hunter added, “they’re well-funded.”

“So if this woman’s not HYDRA, what is she?” Coulson asked.

“Everything else,” Mack answered. “I mean, look at this.” He motioned to the monitor. “Two years CIA.”

“Is that MI6?” Hunter wondered.

“She really gets around,” Y/N muttered, reading off the monitor as well.

“Yeah,” Mack continued, “under which time, she was consulting with the CDC, apparently.”

“All under different aliases,” Coulson stated.

“Oh, I like her,” Hunter commented.

“Me too,” Y/N added with a smirk.

“Yeah, but how are you supposed to track down someone like this?” Mack asked. “We can’t look everywhere.”

“If we can trace that hardware,” Coulson said, pointing to the gun Hunter had brought in, “that could give us a place to start. Take that down to Bobbi in the lab.” Coulson moved over to an open briefcase underneath a red axe. “Have the team analyze it.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” Hunter quickly refused. “No, no, I’m— I’m…. Not going anywhere near Bobbi.”

“Really?” Y/N questioned. “Again?”

“Fine,” Coulson conceded. “Y/N and I will take it to her. Wouldn’t want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.” Suddenly, Coulson twisted off his left hand.

“Hold up! What is that? And when did it happen?” Y/N pointed at Coulson’s fake hand. “You lost your hand?!”

“Did I forget to mention that?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“I know that’s sarcasm,” Hunter continued with his rambling. “And I’m choosing to accept your thoughtfulness at face value.”

“Mack, you should head downstairs,” Coulson ordered. “Assist Skye with intake.”

“Daisy,” the other three corrected.

“Daisy. Damn it. Hard for us to get used to, huh?”

“Mm… no.” / “No, just you.” / “I just found out and I seem to be doing okay.”

“Okay. So, what do we know about this Jose Gutierrez?”

“He goes by Joey,” Mack answered. “Construction foreman, motorcycle enthusiast.”

“Appears to be able to liquefy certain metals spontaneously at a distance of up to 3 meters.”

“Good thing I kept Tony home then,” Y/N commented.

“Yeah,” Mack agreed. “And understandably, that development has scared the living crap out of him.”

~~~

Mack headed down to help Skye while Y/N and Coulson made their way to the lab. As they entered, the base shook.

“New readings on the monolith?” Coulson asked Bobbi.

“Nope,” she responded. “That was Daisy firing a warning shot.” She turned to see Y/N standing next to Coulson. “Good to have you back, Y/N.”

“I’m not back,” Y/N responded. “Just visiting.”

“Anyway, there’s been no new readings, no new anything on the monolith in months. Fitz even stopped sending automated probes into that room. No one’s stepped foot in there since… Simmons was swallowed up by it.”

Coulson was staring at the monitor, showing the fed of Daisy and Mack with Joey. “This was fish oil again?” He asked.

“What can I say? We pulled the product off shelves, but we can’t track down every bottle sold. The good news, if you want to call it that, is the deadly metallic elements sank to the bottom.” Bobbi led them to another part of the lab. “So the chemical contaminating the sea life isn’t deadly to humans just game-changing for inhumans. The bad news—“

“It’s not just in the fish oil. Where else could it have spread?”

“Other sea life. With ocean currents, it’s dispersed into the ecosystem.”

“I need to know how wide a range we’re talking.”

“Fitz and I have the team working on a computer simulation.”

“That biology degree’s finally coming in handy, huh?”

“Leaving me stuck staring at screens in here for all eternity.”

“I get it. Rehab’s a bitch. At least you’re not hoping your knee will grow back.”

They had stopped in front of a few scientists working and a glass box with a hand clutching a crystal in it.

“Is that—“ Y/N started. “Is that your hand?”

“Yep,” Coulson answered.

“Sorry,” Bobbi said. “I’m just frustrated. The simulation’s taking a while.”

“Have Fitz look into this, too.” Coulson handed her the gun from earlier. “If we can figure out where it came from—“

“We could narrow the search on the mystery girl.”

“I’m sure she’d prefer mystery woman. Oh, and by the way, where is he? Y/N’s been brought in to help him.”

“Fitz?”

“He requested yesterday to do some research at SHIELD archives, but I haven’t seen him all day.”

“All call him in. He’s chasing down on last lead on the monolith.”

“I’m guessing he’s had a lot of last leads,” Y/N said.

“Yes.”

“Call him in. Tell him I’m here. If you need to, put me on the phone.”

~~~

Daisy, Coulson, Mack, and Y/N were all in the common area, watching their new inhuman, Joey, on the monitor.

“He’s going nuts,” Daisy said. “Joey’s have a tough time. The change is hard enough physically. But emotionally, it’s a whole other thing. I tried talking him down, but I blew it in here. And Mack is not exactly coming off as a teddy bear.”

“You just told the guy I’m a teddy bear,” Mack defended.

“And then you told him the best case scenario was his head blown off.”

“Yeah.”

“I need help, and there’s one person who’s better at that than anyone.”

“Lincoln?” Coulson guessed. “You really want to go there again?” Coulson headed out of the room, the others following.

“He could help with intake. Plus, he understands the physical change. He’s a doctor, whereas we don’t even know what medical treatments to give.”

“Daisy’s got a point,” Y/N agreed.

“Last time you tried to sell him on it, he wasn’t exactly buying,” Coulson said.

“I’d like to try again,” Daisy said.

“Mack, what’s your take?” The paused in the middle of the hallway.

“I voiced my feelings about letting Lincoln roam free,” Mack responded. “I’d gladly drag him in here where he can’t hurt anyone. But if Daisy can talk him in… he might actually do some good.”

“Both of you go. Requisition a flight team and a quinjet.”

“You wanna come?” Daisy asked Y/N.

“I’ll pass on this one since I’m technically here for something else,” Y/N answered, throwing a glare Coulson’s way. “But that plan doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Now I’m wondering if this was all a ploy to get me back on the team.”

“Hey, Coulson,” Bobbi called from the lab. “Got her.” Y/N and Coulson followed Bobbi into the lab. They stopped in front of a screen with the woman pictured on it. “Weapon is a DARPA prototype. We tapped surveillance at multiple DARPA facilities, got a hit. The DC branch office. She visits every few days.”

“A routine,” Coulson said. “Tell me there’s a window where we can get to her.”

“It’s a small one. Every night she visits, she leaves at approximately 9:00 pm, with a small security detail. They’re all three dropped at the metro station on 12th. Half an hour later, her escorts buy her a coffee on the walk to the platform. But she boards the 9:35 train alone. Sits in the middle, drinks her coffee, and answers e-mails. It’s the only time she’s alone all day.”

“You’re going in to talk to her aren’t you?” Y/N questioned. “Phil, where the hell is Fitz? And why the hell am I here?”

“To help Fitz,” Coulson answered.

“Yeah, then where is he?” Suddenly, Y/N could feel Bobbi’s mind.

“Shit,” Bobbi thought, “Fitz is causing some real trouble. If only he would have stayed back like I told him to.”

“I don’t know where he is,” Coulson replied. “If I did, then you’d be helping him.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Y/N said. “It appears that I’m a little tired. While you are off meeting the woman, I think I’ll stay behind, rest and search for Fitz.”

Coulson was put off by the quick change in Y/N. “Okay… you do that. Let me know how it goes.” Coulson walked way and Y/N spun around to face Bobbi.

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bobbi responded.

“Cut the crap, Bobbi. Have you forgotten that I can read minds? Where is Fitz?”

“He found a lead in Morocco,” she whispered. “I’ve been covering for him.”

“Is he safe?”

“Lost contact a few hours ago.”

“Damn it, Fitz. Give me his number. I’m tracking him down.”

“Y/N, I think that—“

“I was literally pulled out of my bed to come here. And I was really enjoying retirement. So, you either willingly give me his number or I force it from you.”

~~~

Unfortunately, for Y/N, she had never been to Morocco. So she wasn’t able to create a teleport to get to Fitz. She was working on a tablet in the common area, when the team turned on the tv. President Mathew Ellis was on it, doing a press conference from the White House.

“Good evening,” Ellis greeted. “I’m here tonight to address growing concerns among out citizens of the threats we face that are not of this world. I don’t need to remind people of the catastrophes in New York, London, and, most recently, Sokovia. Tragedies that seem to be growing in number and scale. And the organization we had in place to protect us, SHIELD, brought airships raining down in our nation’s capital.”

“Every day, new dangers present themselves,” Ellis continued, “filling our peaceful streets with chaos. By executive order, I have created a special task force to neutralize these alien threats on our soil. The Advanced Threat Containment Unit, or ATCU, will be given full license to act with whatever authority is necessary. The laws of nature have changed. And until the laws of man change to reflect that, we must do what we feel is right.”

“I’ve never liked Ellis,” Y/N muttered.

Her tablet finally showed Fitz’ flight. He was coming back. And so she’d wait. Coulson found her that night, waiting alone in the lab and joined her. Neither of them said anything. Suddenly, Fitz came through the doors, tearing off his suit coat as he worked on the small object in his hands. Rolling up his sleeves, Fitz turned and noticed the other two. They slowly come closer to Fitz.

“We’ve been waiting for a while,” Coulson said.

“Had to be done,” Fitz responded. “It’s my last shot.”

“What’s supposed to be in there?” Y/N asked, looking at the object on his desk.

“The answer.”

“You’ve thought you’ve had the answers before,” Coulson said. “I think you’ve considered every possible answer… except the obvious one.”

“That’s why you brought Y/N here, isn’t it?” Fitz continued to work as he questioned them. “To change my mind?”

“I’m only here to help,” Y/N stated.

“You thought Simmons was trapped inside the monolith, but every instrument scan showed the stone was solid all the way through,” Coulson explained. “After hearing about the Pym Technologies disaster, you even thought she’d been reduced to a microscopic level. But no evidence supported that. And now…

“And now I think—I know—it’s a black hole,” Fitz said, frustrated. “It’s dark matter made solid. It can warp space-time. It— look, regardless— okay?” He picked up the object he’d been working on. “This is gonna tell us exactly what that monolith is. So…”

Fitz slammed it down on the desk, breaking it open. Coulson and Y/N shared a worried look. Fitz took out an old, rolled up piece of paper.

“Should we scan it?” Coulson suggested. “See if the computer can decipher what the—“

“It’s Hebrew,” Fitz answered, not looking up from the paper. “It’s just one word.”

“What does it mean?” Y/N asked, stepping closer to look at it.

“Death.”

“Fitz,” Coulson carefully called, “I’m gonna make the trip to Sheffield. Jemma’s family to deserves to know that she’s MIA.”

“Ohh,” Fitz scoffed, getting emotional.

“They need to be able to move on. And so do we. You have shown so much heart, never giving up on Simmons, and I will always, always respect you for it. But look around. We need you. We need that big brain of yours and that heart here. Okay? I miss her, too. I’m having a hard time accepting it. All of it. I-I’m on my third hand. But nothing feels normal because nothing will feel normal. Y/N went into retirement, and I know she’s mad I brought her back. May took off on vacation and never came back. So I lost my right hands, too. We have got to accept it, to say goodbye. We need to say goodbye.”

“Jemma would want us to do that, Fitz,” Y/N quietly added, her voice filled with emotion. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Coulson walked away but Y/N stayed back to watch Fitz. He was clearly struggling with this. He paused at the door on his way out of the lab before quickly going in the direction of where the monolith was being stored. Y/N rushed to follow him.

“Fitz!” She called. “What are you doing?”

He grabbed a gun off the wall and marched towards the room. Fitz tore the caution tape away and broke into the room.

“Fitz! Stop!”

Fitz shot at the container, successfully breaking through the lock and straps.

“Fitz!” Y/N rushed up to him, standing in front of him. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing. But it’s not smart. Just think about it for a second!”

Fitz shoved her aside, causing her to fall to the ground, and quickly opened the door to the monolith. He stepped inside it.

“Do something,” he ordered the rock.

Y/N couldn’t do anything but watch. She knew and completely understood how bad he was hurting. It was the same when Bucky fell.

“Do something!” He shouted, breathing heavily. “Do something!” He screamed. “Do something!”

next chapter >

For those who didn’t know, on the series masterlist there is a section that contains the one shots and answered asks for the series. One shot requests and questions are always welcome for this series.

NOTES: from now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

#tony stark x reader #Phil Coulson x Reader #agents of shield x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers x reader #aos x reader #agents of shield #Avengers #The Avengers #tony stark imagine #marvel imagine #tony stark #marvel

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bffsoobin · 4 years

Text

Never Not

↳life in the entertainment industry is grueling. You and your friends with benefits, Soobin, know this better than almost anyone. When you seek comfort in one another, it’s easy to forget the faults in the system. How long can you trust Soobin with your heart?

➤ idol!soobin x trainee!reader, smut, angst, some fluff

Word Count: 5,004

Requested?: yes

Warnings: this includes mature content! Please do not read past the illustrated line divider (not the keep reading) in the story if you are under 18 years old or uncomfortable. There is no happy ending to this story, so keep that in mind. Use of some mature language, my awful attempt at coming up with believable Korean names. Smut warnings include: fingering (female receiving), riding, multiple orgasms, mentions of overstimulation, unprotected sex (please use protection, y’all), some dirty talk, praise kink.

A/N: This fic got away from me and came out way longer than I planned and I’m lowkey insecure about it. Also my normal notes that I didn’t proofread or edit (laziness) and that I suck at titles obviously apply!

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:••:•.•

Your bathroom was not nearly private enough. The lock on the door had long been broken, so you and the other girls you’d lived with for close to a year had agreed on a rule of mutual respect and trust. A rule that Minjee was currently abandoning. She busted into the bathroom as you brushed your teeth, nearly knocking you over with her force. Her petite features were soaked in panic.

“What’s wrong?” your toothbrush hung loosely in your mouth, forgotten as you worried over your younger friend.

“Your phone has been ringing off the hook since you got in the shower. And you didn’t answer, so now he’s here!”

“He? Who are you-” a smooth and unforgettable voice sounded from the hallway just outside. Soobin. Your eyes widened. Soobin? Your hair was still dripping, your face red and splotchy from the heat of the shower. Not to mention the toothbrush still dangling precariously. You heard him talk again, muffled like he had moved to the kitchen and you noted that Sooyoung probably ushered him into the small dining space to let you gather your thoughts. You thanked whoever was listening for your thoughtful friend as you cleaned out your mouth, toweled down you hair and did your best to soothe the heat in your cheeks. At least you were fully dressed.

Minjee still looked like a deer caught in headlights, and you shot her what you hoped was a reassuring smile as you left the bathroom. It was hard to miss Soobin’s presence as you turned into the kitchen. He towered over all of your friends, a slightly awkward smile on his face as he waved off offers for snacks left and right.

“Soobin?” you questioned, and all other conversation stopped. He whirled around to see you and you shrunk under his gaze. He was intimidating in every way, yet you found him oddly charming.

“Hey! I wanted to talk to you and you weren’t answering your phone. And I knew you were here so,” he shrugged.

“Let’s talk somewhere else, okay?” you turned without seeing his agreement and led him toward your room. You knew your roommates were all huddled in the common areas of the house, whispering about Soobin. Thankfully, the lock on that door wasn’t busted.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed as he dwarfed your bed under his body.

“Missed you. Do you wanna go get something to eat?” he picked at your sheets mindlessly. You raised an eyebrow and began to tap your foot.

“That sounds a hell of a lot like a date, Soobin.” you accused, already planning an outfit in your head. You could never say no to the handsome boy in front of you.

“It’s not a date, Y/N. We’re just friends. We can erase and add back on the “with benefits” whenever we want, remember?” you scowled at him in place of admitting that he was right.

“Get out. I have to change.” you glanced down at your lounging attire pointedly.

“Nothing I haven’t already seen, princess,” his eyes sparked at his own teasing before you picked up one of Sooyoung’s beloved plushies and flung it at his infuriatingly charming face.

“Get. Out.”

With Soobin standing guard outside the door, you quickly changed into a better outfit and tried to make some semblance of your face before slipping back out. Your friends eyed you questioningly, but you waved them off with promises of being back in no time.

The blanket of night made Soobin bold. He wrapped his arm around your waist, guiding you down the street with a confidence you only see when- a thought cropped up in your mind. “We aren’t going to dinner, are we?” you questioned although you already knew the answer.

“We are going to dinner! Just, in the dorm. In my room.” You were already in front of the familiar building when he finally owned up. You could have backed out, could have told him you were mad at him for lying, but you followed him up to his room anyway. He did have food, as he promised. A pizza box was situated at the foot of his bed when you walked in and settled onto the mattress. Soobin sat up against his pillow and motioned for you to sit on his lap. You brought the warm pizza box with you and laid against his broad chest. You two ate in relative silence and you couldn’t help but notice the lack of...boys.

“Where are they?” Soobin didn’t answer your question and instead went to work running a hand up your leg.

“Does it matter?” his voice ghosted over your ear as you pondered for a minute and then supposed it didn’t. Unlike your groupmates, Soobin’s were all privy to your relationship and exactly what it entailed.

“I just missed you,” he mumbled into your skin, biting at the soft flesh under your ear. Soobin made a point to move the half empty pizza box to the ground as he continued his work on your neck. You melted into his hold, helpless to his sweet whispers and gentle touches in all the right places. For the rest of the night, all that mattered was the way Choi Soobin could work you up and bring you back down so gently.

It had been almost two months since your fake dinner date with Soobin. He became busy with a comeback, and you became busy with general training duties. It was natural, you supposed. You both chose a hectic lifestyle and a relationship that required no actual commitment. While you missed seeing him, you understood that you chose this. That didn’t stop you from being upset, though. Sooyoung, your ever observant roommate noticed your sulking behavior and lack of interest in group activities.

Having had enough of your change in attitude, she cornered you in the kitchen one day while the rest of the girls were still training.

“What’s up with you? I know we’ve been busy. But you’ve just been miserable. You know you can talk to me, right?” You just nodded and crossed your arms. She sighed at your stance and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Seriously. Why don’t you at least try to hang out with someone, or leave the house? I know Soobin is busy, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a visit?” The sound of his name made your insides burn. Too many confusing thoughts circled your being when you thought of him. Deciding to humor Sooyoung, you announced that she was right; and that you were going to get ready and treat yourself to a donut and coffee at the little cafe down the block.

The smell of blueberry muffins and coffee invaded your senses as you ordered a large iced coffee and a sprinkled donut to sulk over as you thought about Soobin. Sitting at a hightop table, your legs swung in the air as you debated over calling Soobin to check up on him or simply letting him go until he contacted you. You weren’t dating Soobin, but would it be so wrong for a friend to reach out? Did you just miss having someone to fool around with? The longer you thought, the more you had to forcefully push down the thought that you really had feelings for Soobin. Maybe his goofy smile and clumsy compliments had really hatched in your brain and created- you shuddered at the thought- love. There was no way he would ever feel the same, you convinced yourself. It is much easier to believe that the famous and loved Choi Soobin would never like you the way you have started to like him.

The donut tasted bland in your mouth and your coffee had certainly been watered down in your thinking, but you finished them both. You wiped your hands on your jeans and made way to get down from your elevated seat until a cheerful voice called your name. Looking around, you spotted the form of a girl you couldn’t quite remember the name of. She had been a trainee in the very early stages, but she had to leave due to family troubles and you hadn’t thought of her since. The back of your neck burned with embarrassment as you waved to the girl you didn't remember. The uncertainty must not have shown on your face as the mystery girl propped herself right next to you and grabbed your arm.

“I just had to talk to you when I saw you! I still talk to Sooyoung every once in a while, and she told me you’re friends with Soobin,” you nodded but felt suspicion creep into the corners of your mind. “Anywho, since I ran into you and you’re friends with him I was wondering if you could confirm something for me.” She plopped a phone onto the table in front of you and hit play on a dark, shaky video. It looked like a club of some sort and you squinted at the screen wondering what this had to do with Soobin. You were about to voice your confusion when someone's phone flashlight illuminated the form you knew all too well crowding a girl against the wall, kissing her neck and pressing the length of his body into her. You body heated at the knowledge that you knew exactly how that felt. Tears stung at the corners of your eyes as the video ended and the unknown girl slid her phone back into her bag.

“I don’t know her,” you mumbled, hurrying to find your purse hung on the back of the chair. “And I haven’t talked to Soobin lately, he’s been busy and-” she snorted as you got down from the chair.

“Yeah, he’s definitely been busy,” she wiggled her eyebrows in a joking manner, but the gesture only broke your heart even more. Nodding tightly, you made up excuses for your sudden absence and walked back to your dorm with tears dripping down your cheeks. Everyone noticed your change in behavior when you returned; especially Sooyoung who was hoping to see you come back much happier. It was only about 4pm when you got home so you bargained with Jihyun to let you shower although she was already getting ready to do so. You tried to convince yourself that she agreed because of your persuasion skills and not because of the tear tracks on your face. The hot water didn’t do much to curb your upset. You ate dinner in silence and crawled into bed before the sun even started to set.

Being a trainee means pushing a lot of things aside. You had to forget about Soobin. Monthly evaluations started in about a week, and you had to worry about nursing a wrist you had accidentally hurt during practice. During the day, you put on a mask for your members and the staff, laughing along at jokes and throwing yourself into your work in a way they all seemed to admire. Not a single night passed where you didn’t think about the shaky video of Soobin and the mystery girl. Not a single night passed where your heart didn’t ache in two ways. One, for the love you harborded so dangerously, and the other for the fact that you knew you could never trust Soobin. That even if he liked you back, his reckless show of public affection when he was already in the eye of the media would make a real relationship impossible. It was too risky for either of you.

News of their comeback traveled extremely fast. You had even seen Taehyun in the halls of the building and offered him a quick congratulations on their success. With every day that passed, you knew you were closer to the impending argument with Soobin; but you tried your best to push that to the back of your mind. Until you got a text from him. Seeing his name pop up on the screen after so long roused a lot of emotions you weren’t expecting. The message was nothing too remarkable, but you made plans to meet him the next day at his dorm.

When you arrived at his door, you felt nerves you hadn’t since the very first time you visited. You laid two hard knocks on the door and stood aside; hoping that Soobin had heard you. The door swung open gently to reveal Soobin’s towering frame. Your stomach rolled in an odd mix of happiness and anxiety upon seeing him for the first time in weeks. He ushered you in, giving you no more time to process your whirling thoughts.

“I like your hair,” your voice sounded odd even to your own ears, but you hoped Soobin would be distracted by the complement of his purple locks.

“Thank you!” he was beaming as he rubbed a chunk of hair between his fingers lovingly. His eyes shifted up and down your body as if examining every detail to find something new about you to compliment back. He remained quiet. The corners of your eyes began to burn under his scrutiny, and you felt something deep inside of you snap.

“Soobin,” you looked around the dorm, finding it surprisingly empty. He must have kicked all of the boys out for a few hours to have you over. “I wanted to talk to you about some stuff.” The leather of his couch squeaked underneath you as you sat and waited for him to do the same. He settled right next to you, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from his side into yours. For a fleeting moment you contemplated saying nothing and letting yourself fall back into your normal pattern; but you knew you would regret it.

Sighing, you tried to ignore the way worry permeated every corner of Soobin’s face. “I saw a video of you uh,” a long pause “with another girl. Which is fine!” Your words became rushed as his face turned bright red. “It’s fine. I know we aren’t serious but the problem is,” your voice was starting to shake in a dangerous way. “The problem is that...I started to have real feelings for you. And when I saw that video I kind of lost it. I know it’s dumb but I just can’t keep pretending.” You had run this scenario so many times in your mind. You had imagined Soobin staying totally silent until you slipped out of the dorm alone. You imagined that he might argue with you, telling you that you were reckless for forming feelings over a friends with benefits relationship. What you never imagined was for him to lean over and attach his lips to yours in a fervor you had never felt from him. The rest of the world slowed as you kissed him. Really kissed him for the first time since the two of you started to hook up.

You could taste toothpaste on his tongue, and if your insides weren’t fighting with emotion you would have smiled into the kiss. When you finally pulled apart, Soobin pressed his forehead into yours and shut his eyes. You could feel his eyelashes flutter along your skin.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was the smallest you had ever heard it. “I’m sorry about the girl, the video, I just missed you and I was being stupid. I have feelings for you too.” What should have been a moment of celebration became a catalyst for war in your mind. You had prepared yourself for this possibility- repeating in a mantra that the relationship would only end badly for your public images.

But all those times you ran this scenario in your head, you didn’t account for the weight of his body against yours. You didn’t account for the way his voice shook, or the feeling of his skin resting so intimately against your own. You didn’t account for how raw and vulnerable this moment would be.

So you made a real life choice that theoretical you never would have been so weak as to consider. You wrapped your hands around the back of Soobin’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss. His surprise was evident at your move as he gasped against your lips. Every feeling you had toward him felt like it was bubbling over into a mess inside your brain. Fuzzy happiness was winning over until Soobin separated you from himself to cup your jaw in his hands. Taking the time to survey his face this closely made your heart break all over again. His face seemed to mirror back a similar sentiment as his fingers traced over your cheekbones.

“Soobin,” you whispered his name weakly; trying to ignore the tears beginning to leak from the corners of your eyes. His face crumpled at the sight and he rushed to shush you.

“Don’t cry,” he wiped the wetness away from your cheeks, “please don’t cry, why are you so upset?” His breath ghosted over your skin in a way that would haunt you for weeks to come.

“Because,” you hiccuped in a breath, “because we can’t do this. We can’t date, and we can’t keep doing this. There’s too much on the line either way.” Soobin stayed silent as you worked through your thoughts. “I just want to be with you one last time.”

In a movement you almost missed, the boy nodded solemnly. With the knowledge of your last goodbye weighing heavily on your minds, Soobin guided you into his bedroom. While the lighting in the room didn’t offer much clarity, you still knew your way around. Soobin made short work of undressing you, making sure to pay attention- in the form of kisses or loving caresses- to every newly exposed strip of skin. His mouth traveled down your neck, leaving the most possessive marks he had ever left on your collarbones. You could do nothing but whine under him at the thought of bright purple bruises spotting your skin tomorrow. Most nights you would have whined at him for taking too long, but the air was different this time. The last time.

You stood completely bare in front of him as he took a seat on his bed. He was still fully clothed although you could see a sliver of his smooth stomach where his shirt had ridden up. You could see the beginning of a bulge in his sweatpants and bittersweet excitement brewed within you.

“You are so so fucking pretty, come here,” he pulled you into his lap forcefully so that you could feel him directly against your core. The praises falling from his mouth made you weak at the knees and pliable to any of his wishes. A needy whine left your throat as you ground down on him instinctively. Both of his hands flew to your waist and grabbed at the flesh there as you let yourself get lost in the feeling of him slowly hardening. He made a particularly hard squeeze on your waist and you took that as a message to stop.

“Wanna finger you, baby,” Soobins usual shy and clumsy demeanor flew out of the window in a second. As you scrambled to lay down on your back, he finally stripped himself of his clothing. You openly stared at his body for much longer than normal and he let you, returning the gaze just as long. Memorizing. His cock stood proudly, as perfect as you always remembered it as your thighs rubbed together at the sight. Soobin tutted at you and pushed your legs apart forcefully.

“Not yet, love. You know you can’t take my cock without me stretching you open first.” You knew he was right but you whined at him anyway as a new wave of arousal rolled through you. “God,” Soobin grunted at the sight of you laid out beneath him. His deft fingers danced down your stomach, causing your hips to jump up toward his approaching hand. A small chuckle fell from him lips and you would have complained had he not chosen that exact moment to run his thumb around your clit in slow circles. You cried out at the touch. Having gone weeks without release made you extremely sensitive, and Soobin was using that to his advantage.

The slow circles sped up and then slowed down in an erratic pattern until you were so fed up with him you wanted to cry. “Soobin please, please stop teasing me, I need more!” You knew you were being loud but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“I’ll give you whatever you want, baby. Just use your words,” his voice was velvety smooth, pitched deeper with lust.

“Your fingers!” The request was clumsy as it came out of your mouth but you couldn’t have cared less because he finally sunk one long finger inside of you. You wanted to thank him, but your tongue felt too heavy in your mouth so you settled for clenching your inner muscles around his digit. He groaned to himself as he pumped the single finger in and out before finally adding a second alongside it. The stretch burned a bit but you welcomed the gush of wetness that had Soobin swearing under his breath.

“Look at you. I was busy for a few weeks and suddenly your pussy can barely fit two fingers inside.” He began scissoring his fingers to widen your entrance. A string of pleas and curses fell from your lips constantly as he finally found your g-spot and continuously crooked his fingers over it. Your teeth sunk harshly into your bottom lip as you tried your best to keep it together but it was no use. Soobin had learned every tip and trick to getting you to cum. There was no eloquence left in your voice as you begged him for more and got just what you asked for. His second hand, which had been keeping pressure on your hips, played with your clit in circles and figure eight shapes in various speeds. It only took a few more seconds under his movements for you to announce your release and gush around his fingers. Despite your obvious orgasm, Soobin kept working his hands against you until the overstimulation became way too much. Your mind was so fuzzy afterwards that you could barely hear his praise.

“So good,” you vaguely made out as you came back to Earth to see his face hovering right over your own. He pressed kisses on every corner of your face until you were finally coherent enough to talk again.

“Soobs,” you didn’t miss the way he flinched at the nickname. “Please fuck me.” The words were blunt, you knew. But there was no need to beat around the bush anymore. Soobin groaned loudly, unabashedly palming at his own cock as he sat back on his heels. His positioning gave you an idea that had heat rushing through your veins anew. “Lemme ride you,” you rushed the words out, unsure if he had even heard them until he cursed loudly and drew his hand away from himself.

“That’s my girl. So good for me.” Soobin used your love for praise to his advantage as he settled at the head of his bed and waited for you to straddle his hips. His eyes were glazed with arousal as you held yourself over his cock and gave it a few experimental strokes. Soobin’s eyes fluttered shut and his reddened lips fell open in a sigh. In one swift movement, you began to sink down on him slowly. Your hands found support on his smooth stomach as you felt your knees buckle at the intrusion. Both of you whined loudly at the initial stretch. Fire coiled in your stomach as you worked yourself onto him in small increments. He was trying his best to let you take time to adjust, but his control was slipping more and more with every second.

A growl emitted from the back of Soobin’s throat as he tightened a hand on your left thigh as a not so subtle hint to get moving faster. You already felt so full that the idea of taking his entire length felt impossible. Your head fell, hair creating a curtain around your face in the exact second that Soobin’s strong hand pushed you all the way down his cock. A burning mix of pain and pleasure flooded your veins and made your inner walls clench around him. Soobin’s cock twitched inside you and the feeling drove you wild.

With the leverage your arms on his chest offered, you lifted your hips slowly before slamming them back down to connect your bodies. Pitchy whines escaped from your mouth with every single move you made. Soobin’s hands roamed all over, one traveling up to pinch at your nipples and another keeping a bruising grip on the flesh of your hip.

“God, you’re so pretty,” Soobin’s grunted praises peppered between moans only heightened your pleasure to a point where you could no longer keep your thoughts straight. Every sensation he was providing you became so overwhelming that you could barely continue a steady rhythm on his cock. He seemed to catch on to your slipping as his face softened. Chest heaving, you leaned forward to lay yourself on top of him. Your head fit perfectly into his shoulder and for a second you missed being able to see his face until he took the initiative to thrust up into you. He wrapped his arms around you so there was no escape from the pleasure of him filling you up. Soobin worked magic on your body, rolling his hips expertly to hit every spot inside of you while he whispered dirty praise to you.

“You feel so good, baby. So tight,” you clenched at his words and a breathy moan escaped his lips in a rush. Your clit ground against his pelvic bone; not enough to make you cum but enough to create more sparks in your core. Between his words and his hard and consistent thrusts you could feel your pleasure mounting to an intense high. The strong hold he had on you slipped away and he guided you to sit up once again. Seeing his flushed face drew out a desperate whine and buck of your hips.

“Look at me,” Soobin’s voice was oddly calm and collected as you obeyed the request. He thrusted up into you even faster and you had to fight to keep your eyes on his.

“Soobs, I’m gonna cum,” your voice was strung out and breathy but it only pushed Soobin further. Without your realization, Soobin circled a thumb around your clit and you were soon hurdling off the edge of your orgasm, vision going blank with the pleasure. Although you were lost in a haze of pleasure, you could hear Soobin’s grunts growing louder and more frequent before he released inside of you; warmth flooding your insides as he came.

Neither of you moved for several minutes. Your breathing gradually slowed to a normal rate and Soobin’s cock softened inside of you; but you stayed still on top of him anyway. No words were exchanged until he lifted your chin with two fingers.

“You have to know that I really do like you. I’ve liked you since the first time we met.” The words sent a dagger through your heart and you would have looked away from him if it weren’t for the strong grip he had on your jaw. His breath hitched as he spoke again; “but I can understand why you don’t think I’m worth it.”

The way he worded it broke a dam of emotions inside of you and suddenly you were sobbing, struggling to even catch your breath. Soobin panicked a little, rubbing your sides and softly pulling out of you. Both of you ignored the stickiness the move created in favor of laying your back down on the sheets. He shushed you, producing some tissues out of nowhere to deal with the mess between your sensitive thighs. When the crying stopped, all that was left behind was cold emptiness. You redressed in stunning silence, hyper aware of Soobin’s eyes on you. You didn’t know what else to say to him.

“I wish I had met you in another life,” you sniffled, “I’m going to miss you.” The words were supercharged and you clenched your teeth to refrain from crying again. Soobin reached out for your hand and you reluctantly let him lace his fingers through yours.

“I’ll miss you too. You know that-” he swallowed audibly “You can come back here, back to me...whenever you want. I have a place for you,” he guided your clasped hands to hover right over his heart, “right here.”

Leaving was the hardest part. Both of you stalled in every possible way. You pretended you lost your phone even though you knew it was in your bag. Soobin offered to let you take a shower before you went back to your own dorm. Eventually, it was time for the both of you to face the truth. At the front door, where the light was much brighter, you could see shiny tear tracks decorating Soobin’s puffy cheeks in a way you never wanted to see again. You felt like you could puke just at the thought of having caused him that pain. With one hand on the doorknob, you steadied yourself to say goodbye to him, goodbye to this one last time.

“I’ll um, see you around? At work.” You didn’t even bother to smile at him. He simply nodded and fixed his gaze on the ground. He didn’t want to watch you leave. The door squealed as you pulled it open, shattering the quiet atmosphere into messy, anxious pieces. You rushed out of his dorm without another word and began your walk home. It was a clear night, so you stopped briefly to stare up at the stars. You would never not think about Soobin.

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softboywriting · 4 years

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It’s You | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You and Shawn have been friends since you were children. Years have gone by, lives changed. He's a rockstar and you're a part time nurse. You keep in contact but lately you've begun to realize life isn't the same without him there and the hole in your heart gets bigger everyday. When he comes home from tour, it's time for you to make your move and confess your feelings. That is...if he doesn't beat you to it. [established friendship] [non au] [friends to lovers]

Word Count: 5k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Vanilla and cinnamon, two of the best scents in the world, in your opinion anyway. Basic, but so comforting. They are the smells of home, your real home back in Pickering. Your family home always smelled like sweet vanilla cookies and Shawn's house, your other home growing up, always smelled like warm cinnamon. It wasn't until Shawn left for his current world tour that you realized you had been subconsciously trying to fill the void of his absence by buying candles in those scents.

Three years and five months to date since his initial departure from Pickering and you wake up to realize you feel empty and it was then you realized that you love him. Of course you have talked to him, phone calls, text, video messages and brief visits. Things didn't end badly and he hasn't cut you out of his life by any means. There are things a long distance friendship can't fulfill, and things you aren't sure you can tell him over the phone, let alone tell him at all.

So for the dozenth time in probably the last three months you find yourself in the bath and body works at the mall. It's buy one get one for the three wick candles and you're sticking your nose in every single one there. Most of them are pretty good, it's the end of the autumn collection and there are displays of the Christmas and winter lines being set up, but nothing is really piquing your interest. Until you find the candle called Black Tie. A very casual little thing, black with gold stripes and it's name in gilded lettering across the side. It's definitely not one you might pick up and smell normally because the color alone indicates it's probably going to be a heavy scent that's far different from your usual vanilla and cinnamon favourites.

The moment you get the lid off you are hit with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. Your heart swells and you can't help the tears that form instantaneously. It smells like Shawn, like his cologne that he got for Christmas a few years back. The one you could smell on your jacket after he hugged you goodbye at the airport right before this tour. It takes all of your willpower not to fall to your knees then and there in that shop. It is as if in that moment everything you've felt, repressed and ignored, is coming bubbling up to drown you.

"Are you finding everything okay?"

Suddenly you're snapped back to reality and you look over to the blonde girl on your left. She's smiling, eagerly awaiting your reply.

"Yeah...yeah I just spaced off. Thanks."

"Alright, no problem. I'm Jess if you need any help I'll be around."

You nod and clutch the candle to your chest. Is it weird? You look down at the gold lid of the candle and turn it upwards so you can see it better. Is it strange to want a candle that smells like your best friend's cologne? No. You won't talk yourself out of it. You grab a vanilla cookie dough candle and head for the register with your purchases before you can change your mind again.

_____________________

"You got another candle?" Shawn laughs through the phone in your lap. "How many is that now?"

"Probably like three dozen."

"You're gonna be on that show, my strange addiction. True story, addicted to candles."

You lift the phone and narrow your eyes at him. "Listen here jewelry boy. You're one to talk, I've seen your ridiculous collection of rings, bracelets, watches and crap. I don't make fun of you."

"Yeah but I can actually wear mine. What do you do with candles? Burn them?"

You scoff. "I don't make fun of your coping mechanisms."

"Coping? Whoa what? Are you okay?"

Shit. You set the phone down and lean your head on your knees. How could you let that slip out like that? He didn't need to know you're missing him, and what life used to be.

"Hey, talk to me. What's going on?"

You sigh softly. "Nothing is going on. I'm just really lonely and most of my friends have moved away. I guess the candles remind me of home, back in Pickering when things were simpler. I've been thinking of moving back in with mom and dad. My place here in Toronto is getting too expensive."

Shawn is quiet for a moment. You worry he's hung up but the screen is still lit up. "I miss home too. I'll be back in a few weeks, it won't be for long but it's something. If you don't want to move in with your parents you can stay at my place. It's empty."

"What if you have company?"

"I never have anyone at the apartment besides the guys."

You shake your head and roll your eyes. "I don’t know...anyway, when will you be home again?"

"Few weeks."

"You're gonna be working when you're here, you always are."

"No, I'm gonna take some time off. I want to see Mom and Dad and Aaliyah. I want to see you."

You wrap your arms around your knees and close your eyes. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"You can tell me anything."

"I think I fell in love."

Silence. Why did you even say something? He’s going to figure out it’s him. He’s not that dense, is he?

"Shawn?"

"Yeah?" He’s quiet and you can't read his emotions through the phone. You hate this. Maybe he doesn’t know it’s him. He can’t know. Why did you even say anything? So stupid. "Go on."

"It's a friend, someone from back in Pickering."

"Oh. So like...are you dating?" He has no idea.

"No."

Shawn sighs and it sounds almost relieved. "How are you in love then? Usually people need to be together to be in love."

"It's complicated."

"It's Matt isn't it?"

"What? No!"

"Oh, well, love is complicated, so y'know...just don't rush into it."

"I'm stupid and too emotional about it." You pick up the phone and look at him. "Forget I said anything. It's nothing."

"You're not stupid or emotional, feelings are valid. Maybe you are in love, maybe it's infatuation. You'll have to take a chance on this person to find out okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Shawn looks back as someone opens a door in the room he's in. "I have to go, I'll text you?"

"For sure. Bye." You set the phone aside and flop backwards. He seemed put off, jealous almost. No. That can't be right. He's just worried about you. Yeah. That's it.

___________________

Two weeks later you find yourself hauling boxes out of the elevator on the twelfth floor of an apartment building to Shawn's place. Your rent went up a hundred dollars due to alleged renovations and that was not happening in your budget. Initially you tried going back home to Pickering, knowing it'd be a long drive to work in Toronto but it would be fine. Your parents however didn't have space for you. They are amid a remodel that you completely forgot about so your bedroom is no more. Shawn is your last choice but you know it's not going to work out when he's home, but it's temporary, you'll find another place.

The first thing you notice is that Shawn's apartment is less of a two bedroom and more of a one and a half. The second room he uses as guitar storage and a makeshift studio is the size of a large walk in closet. If you're lucky you'll get your bed in there and maybe your dresser but not much else. Shawn said to move whatever you needed into the living room. Somehow it feels wrong to impede on his space.

After a long three days of moving and setting up you're finally moved in. You stacked his guitars in their cases by the couch and boxed up all his recording gear and put it in his room. Your bed, dresser and a shelving unit all fit in the small bedroom and that's it. The rest of your furniture you took to your parents house and stored in the garage.

It's Sunday, the fourth day after the move and you are unpacking your candles, setting them out on your dresser and the shelving you set up. It's funny, Shawn's place smells like cinnamon just like his parents house did back home. You don't even need to burn any candles to be reminded of back then, Shawn's place somehow perfectly encapsulates it.

The sound of the front door opening sends your pulse skyrocketing. Shawn wasn't due home for another week. You grab your keys from your purse and ready the pepper spray you have dangling from them.

"Hello?"

Karen pops her head around the corner to the kitchen. "Hey! I was hoping you would be here. I brought some stuff for Shawn, and you too since you're here."

"Oh." You pocket your keys and walk into the kitchen to see bags of groceries on the counter. "What's all this?"

"Food, supplies." Karen begins unpacking and placing things in the fridge. "I always do this before Shawn gets home so he doesn't have to order take out."

"You're the best Karen." You hand her a carton of milk. "Do you still make the crock pot chicken soup for him?"

"Every time." She smiles. "I won't make it until Friday since he'll be here Saturday morning."

You grab a bottle of water and lean against the counter. Karen spoils Shawn rotten but you get it, you'd do the same for him. "Do you think it's weird?"

"What's that?"

"Hmm? Oh. Did I say that out loud?"

Karen closes the fridge and goes to the cabinet. "You did. What’s weird?"

"That I'm staying with Shawn."

"No, not in the least." She motions for you to pass her dry goods from the bags and you do. "You and Shawn have been thick as thieves since you were eight years old. There is something special about your friendship."

"Yeah, he's the best friend I've ever had. I'm glad he hasn't changed much since he got famous."

"Manny and I raised him right, put a good head on his shoulders. He's got common sense and a strong moral compass." She smiles and pauses to look back at you. "Friends like you keep him grounded as well."

"I do my best."

"He listens to you, values your opinion. Believe it or not he listens to you more than me sometimes."

You roll your eyes and scoff. "I doubt that."

"Oh he does. I can't tell you how many times he's called me for an opinion just to completely change his mind after I give it." Karen chuckles. "It's probably because I'm his Mom."

"But I'm just his friend."

"You're his best friend. Brian and Matt and the guys are all very good friends but you're at the top of the list you guys have been together since you learned to walk. Shawn loves you."

Your heart stops. "Shawn loves everyone."

"True, but he loves you differently. He hasn't said it I'm sure, but the way he looks at you is special. The two of you were meant to be in each other's lives." Karen wads up the plastic bags and stuffs them under the sink cabinet. "Chat with him about it. I'm sure he'll come clean."

Your hands feel sweaty and you fold your arms over your chest tightly. "Do you think he's in love with me?"

"Ah, that I'm not sure of. He's never mentioned that to me but I'm his Mom, boys don't always tell their Mom's their feelings towards their interests. He may have told Manny though, if that's the case." She lays her hand on your shoulder and you look her in the eye. "Shawn is particular, always has been, and now with everything that's happened in his life he is going to be even more particular who he has a relationship with. All I am going to say is that you shouldn't dwell on it. If there is more to your relationship with Shawn then let it happen naturally."

"Thanks." You chew on your lower lip anxiously. "Can I ask you one more thing though?"

"Sure."

"Do you think Shawn and I would be a good match?"

"Yes, without a doubt."

You nod and she kisses your cheek before saying goodbye and heading out. You stay in the kitchen a while, taking in the whole apartment, contemplating ever telling Shawn you love him, and mulling over the fact that his mom can see there is more to the two of you than just friends.

____________________

Monday you decide to snoop around the house. It's your place too after all, you should familiarize yourself. Maybe it's not snooping if you just open every cupboard in the kitchen and rifle through the bathroom drawers because you definitely live here now. You do find a couple of foregien face creams and washes that you can't read anything about on the bottle. You open and sniff them, nothing special smelling. Though you're sure they're probably some super expensive Korean beauty brand that is the secret to Shawn's flawless skin. He never would tell you what he uses and you know that just soap and water is a damn lie.

There is a box of tampons in the cupboard under the bathroom sink when you open it to see what space you're working with for your hair dryer and bath salts. It's surprising because it's definitely not yours and Shawn is definitely a guy. Probably his sisters? Weird.

You dismiss the tampons and wander out of the bathroom after putting away your bathroom supplies. You pause, looking into Shawn's bedroom before readying to turn into your own. It's so empty and way too clean. The Shawn you know never has his shit this in order. You decide to step in, boldly crossing the threshold between exploring your new home to officially snooping.

Shawn's bedroom is almost depressing. You walk along the far right wall where his dresser is. It's empty on top, not even a hairbrush or anything laying in front of the big attached mirror. The room doesn't even look lived in. It looks like a hotel. You go to the bed and sit down on the perfectly tucked blankets. Karen made it no doubt, she cleaned his place every few weeks when he went out of town to keep the dust and stuffiness at a minimum.

You flop back on the bed and close your eyes. It smells like him, like fresh laundry and the expensive cologne he wears on special occasions. The good one that you wish you could find but you know he buys somewhere overseas. You wonder if he wore it the last time he slept in this bed. Honestly you wonder if he ever feels at home here, a place he barely lives in. You open your eyes and look to the doorway, across the hall is your bedroom, already filled with personal things and decoration. Your heart sinks. Maybe he wants you to live with him so this place doesn't feel like a hotel and with you there it will feel more like a home. Yeah. You're going to make this apartment feel like home.

_____________________

Saturday arrives at an agonizingly snail's pace. Karen stopped by on Friday evening to make soup and you were still out by the time she left. You got to experience first hand what it is like for Shawn to arrive home and have warm chicken soup waiting. It's a heavenly smell after a long day and you were tempted to have some, but you know it wouldn't be fully ready until the morning.

You wake up early, planning on getting a shower and making breakfast and setting up the TV to play Harry Potter before Shawn got home. You were going to clean up the living room, bring out blankets and make sure everything was picked up and ready for Shawn to walk in. All that goes out the window when you walk out of your bedroom and see Shawn's bedroom door open with suitcases piled at the end of the bed.

You walk to the kitchen and round the corner to find Shawn sitting at the island eating a bowl of soup. He looks up and smiles so big that broth literally falls out of his mouth.

"You're so gross." You chuckle and he moves around the island to scoop you into a crushing hug.

"I missed you." He says and grips at your back. "It's been forever."

"Six months is a long while." You press your face into his shoulder and take a deep breath. Nothing is more relaxing. "Welcome home."

Shawn squeezes you tighter and you just hold onto him as if it were the last time you are going to get to do it. You stand in silence, just hugging one another and just existing together for a moment, unbroken by the outside world. Two heartbeats becoming one as the seconds tick by.

"Let's make breakfast."

"Just a little longer." He mumbles, face against your head.

You run your hand up his back, across the thrift store vintage tee from some band you've never heard of. It's soft, worn from years of wear and tear. His breathing slows down and he begins to sway in your arms. "Talk to me?"

"Miss this."

"Hugging me?"

"Being home, getting to see you and hug you. I can't wait to see my family too. It's been forever, I've never been away this long without a break. It feels good to hold someone that feels like home."

You fight the tears that well up in your eyes. He thinks of you as home. Your fingers clench instinctively and he lets out a soft groan of pain at your nails digging into his back.

"Sorry, sorry." You apologize profusely and drop your hands to step away and break the bond you've created. "My bad."

Shawn stretches and chuckles. "No worries. You mentioned breakfast?"

"Mmm." You pat his stomach and he reels forward from his stretch. "I see your appetite hasn't changed. One day your metabolism is going to slow down y'know."

"Not today." He loops his arm around your shoulders and pulls you against him as you walk toward the fridge. "Can I have the pre-hockey practice special?"

"That's so much food! You already had soup!"

"I'm starving!" He whines and you elbow him.

"Alright, I'll make it but you had better eat every last bite."

Shawn pulls away and sinks onto the island stool. "You can hold me to it."

You cut him and glare and he grins. Your heart stutters. That smile, it's been so long since you've seen it in person. You wish you could take a photo of this moment, to relive it forever and ever.

______________________

Three days into Shawn being home you come to find two hoodies left laying about the living room. They're ones he hasn't worn as far as you know, so it's a little odd. They never get moved, they just sit there draped across the couch and the lounge chair by the window. As far as you're concerned they're fair game for wearing and you do as such on the third day because you're tired from work and it's chilly in the apartment. You definitely didn't put one on just because it's his and you miss wearing his clothes.

"Hey, what're you doing tonight?" Shawn asks when he gets up around noon and wanders out of his bedroom. He seems to sleep all the time. You wonder just how much rest he gets on tour and while traveling. He claims he passes out as soon as he gets on a plane but you have your doubts.

You look over from where you have been curled up on the couch watching trash TV all morning since you're not tired yet. How, you have no idea. Night shifts at the hospital are exhausting. You're not particularly up for a wild night out so you hope he hadn't made plans to rope you into anything.

"Nothing. Just got home a few hours ago and I've been watching movies and channel surfing."

"Do you want to go out?"

Of course. Sleepy rockstar wants to go out. Part of you wants to be annoyed, jealous that he can just sleep all day and go do whatever he feels like whenever. But you aren't either of those things. In fact, his simple question makes your heart skip, your brain reading it as an inquiry for a date. You know fill well he means going out as friends and your foolish heart instantly settles down.

"It depends, I'm not up for anything too crazy. I just worked a ten hour shift overnight."

"Oh right, I forgot. Wednesday is your night shift. I was just thinking something easy, dinner and drinks?"

"Just us?"

"Yeah, like we used to. The diner on Bedford is still open I think."

You chew your lip. It sounds so tempting. Burgers and shakes, just like the old days. But you need to sleep, and going out with him just seems like a recipe for disaster with your feelings right now.

"I don't think I'm up for it."

Shawn sinks into the cushions beside you. He steals the corner of your blanket and leans his head against your shoulder. He smells like a sleepy boy and minty shampoo. It's hard not to turn your face into his hair and take it all in.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Wh- huh? There isn't anything to talk about?"

"Are you sure? You've got on my hoodie and you're watching ex on the beach. If I know one thing it's that you're caught up in your feelings right now. Is it that guy you're in love with?"

You pause. He hasn't brought up the whole being in love conversation since you initially had it about a month ago now. Not that you expected him to and it definitely didn't come up naturally. You figured he had forgotten what you said. So now that he is mentioning it unprompted is odd.

"No, he's not...it's not that."

"You never said who it was."

"It's no one. It was a fleeting dream and an emotional couple days. I was mistaken, you know, obsession not affection." Such a liar.

Shawn looks up at you from your shoulder and you can tell he is not buying it. You're not one to be infatuated with someone over nothing. "Right, well I'm up for staying in tonight too."

"No, it's only noon, go out with the guys or something. Go visit Aaliyah and your parents. It's boring here and you've only got a few weeks until you have to go back on tour."

"I'm staying here. I'm not up for the guys and my parents are out of town at my aunt's place today." Shawn pulls his phone out and opens a site on his browser. "I'll get us some lunch, we can play some Mario kart, watch some movies, get drunk together and just do whatever."

"I am not getting drunk. I actually have to work tomorrow morning."

Shawn chuckles and puts his phone away. "I've got rumchata. I know you love that."

You roll your eyes. He truly knows how to get to you. Maybe a few shots wouldn't hurt, they could help you sleep. Maybe.

____________________

One shot turns into three and then three turns into five. After that you get a little wobbly and call it quits. Shawn however downs his sixth one and his six turns into wrestling.

You were cleaning the coffee table off, stacking paper plates from the pizza Shawn ordered and gathering up abandoned napkins. You were ready to call it quits for the day, turn in and sleep until nine tomorrow morning. You were truly ready to just be done but Shawn was not.

Just as you get the last napkin with cheese residue stuck to the center stacked on top of the pizza box with the paper plates you feel arms around your waist and the next thing you know you're being tossed into the back of the couch cushions.

"Shawn you dick!" You yell and he cackles from nearby. You regain your bearings and instinct kicks in. Having grown up with Shawn and your older brother, wrestling was nothing new. You had your fair share of throw downs with the big boys but it has been ages since it's happened. The instinct to fight back hasn't dwindled though and as soon as your feet hit the floor you're lunging at Shawn.

The two of you end up locked in a grappling match. He should have the upper hand, he's easily bigger than you and far more in shape than you ever dreamed to be. This should be a cakewalk for him but he's just on the more drunk side of tipsy and he's not focused. It's to your advantage because you drop your hands from his arms quick enough that he stumbles into you grabbing his waist and driving him back into the couch.

"You think you got me?" He laughs, arms curling around your chest as he lifts you up and over beside him.

Before you know it the two of you are on the floor, kicking the table askew, knocking over his stack of guitar cases. You're making a terrible mess and all because neither of you will submit.

Shawn rolls you over and pins you down by your forearms, legs hooked around yours. He has managed quite the effective pinning maneuver. You're impressed. "I win."

"You cheated."

"Did not!"

"Yes, you did."

He scowls and you laugh. He's so easy to rile up when he is a little drunk and riling him up means he loses focus. "You're just-"

You pull your arms away from his hold and push him up, making him fall back on his ass against the edge of the couch. He's quick to react to your little escape move. He snatches your shirt, pulling you into his lap and you collapse, chest in his face, legs straddling his thighs.

Silence befalls the apartment. Neither of you move. His warm breath ghosts through your hoodie, across your chest and his hands cup your ass from where he had attempted to stop you from getting away from again. The tension is palpable, suffocating even. Undoubtedly he can hear your heart, pounding rapidly in your chest. You're not sure what to do, how to make this feel normal.

Slowly you sink down, sitting on his lap and pulling yourself away from his face. He's red, flushed from forehead to neck. It's not from the alcohol. Your hands come to rest on his shoulders and he moves his hands from your butt, opting to hold your hips instead.

His lips are hot pink, mouth open just a bit as he stares at you, eyes darting between your eyes and lips. He's thinking the same thing, feeling the same way. Somehow you've both landed on the same page in this very moment.

"It's you." You mutter, saying the first thing that comes to mind. It doesn't make sense, really it shouldn't because you've said nothing about what he is.

He nods and leans in ever so slightly, soft smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He understands. "I know."

You slide your hands up the back of his neck, fingers twisting into his hair and he leans all the way in, lips connecting with yours. Blood rushes to your brain and you bring him closer, euphoria overtaking your body. The relief you feel is unlike anything else, like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders.

"How long have you known?" You ask, pulling away just enough to press your head against his.

"Years, but the call, when you said you fell in love. I knew you were talking about me, I knew you were hiding it." He bumps his nose against yours. "I'm sorry I took so long to say anything."

You smile, letting out a little laugh as you do. "It's a two way street though. I never said anything either."

"Yeah." He slides his hands up your back. "Will you say it?"

"Say what?"

"You know what."

You duck your head and capture his lips for a moment. "I love you." He grins at the sound. "I love you Shawn Mendes."

Shawn squeezes you tight and kisses you hard and unabashedly. "I love you." He kisses your nose. "I love you from now until forever."

"Say swear to God."

He laughs and leans his head back on the couch, knowing you're teasing him. "I swear to God. Every God there is. I love you."

You sink down and lean your head on his chest, arms around his back. He raises his arms to hold you and you close your eyes. "I think I've always loved you," you say softly into his shoulder.

"Me too." He whispers back, body relaxing under yours. "Me too."

End

----------------------

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abarbaricyalp · 3 years

Note

Hi! If you're still taking propmpts. SamBucky, sequel to Push All My Buttons. Established Relationship: Sam comes back home to Bucky after Riley gets shot down during a mission and is a complete mess. Bucky comforts him to his best ability.

Friend. Friend. Friend. Why.

This is a sequel to Push All My Buttons. You don't necessarily need to read it to read this. This one is certainly not the same kind of fic.

CW: Severe suicidal ideation, discussions of grief, loss, and trauma, discussions of suicide

Link in the reblog

Excelsior

Bucky had nine months with Sam and Riley before they shipped out with the wings. He and Sam had been sleeping together for that entire time minus three days and they’d been dating for about two weeks less than that. As Riley had always said, ‘When you know, you know. Even if all you know is that they’re an irritating little shit.’ Which is what he thought both Sam and Bucky were, especially together.

It had been a really good nine months.

They shipped out late afternoon on a Saturday and that was a very bad month.

Bucky wasn’t military and Rhodes had left with the project and taken on his duties again elsewhere. Stark, in his own haze of being left alone, did not fill Bucky in on any developments with the wings, if he was even asking Rhodes.

The only thing Bucky got was the occasional phone call or text, in which Sam could barely talk about anything to do with the wings. Well, those and the program Bucky had on his computer. It was just the monitoring datastream for the jetpacks, essentially a condensed readout of what showed up on the wristlets. BPI and vitals of the wearers, elevation, fuel reserves, GPS, temperatures, difficult to decipher radar readings.

Bucky kept up with the readings religiously. He slept in his office space more often than not and scrolled through the information every morning when he did leave. So he was there at 6PM when the reading came screeching in. It was nearly a year to the day that they’d shipped out. It was a Friday. Bucky was actually packing up to go home and shower for once.

The program lost its mind the same way the wristlets would be. EXO-7 Suit 2 had lost all BPI and dropped elevation until… It hit the ground and went off line.

Bucky was pretty sure he passed out because he opened his eyes and he was on the ground, staring up at the fluorescents. There was almost no way to know for sure which pilot was in which suit. Suit 2, the Redwing suit, was usually Riley’s, but there was nothing to say that Sam hadn’t grabbed it that night. It would be about 2.30 in the morning over there. Mission like that could’ve been last minute. Could’ve taken them right out of bed. They could’ve grabbed whatever was closest. And Sam and Riley shared everything down to toothbrushes.

Bucky could comb through the data from the minutes previous. Try to rationalize out the BPI readings and find patterns, but the point of it being Sam and Riley was that they were similar pilots. Their build, their resting heart rate, the way they jumped into action. It was like watching twins move. Their readings weren’t different enough to prove anything, even if Bucky could make his arms and hands work enough to scroll back.

The other suit was still online. It dove halfway down before stopping as the radar lit up with projectiles. Again and again, like a bird dashing into traffic for another’s dead body, Falcon tried to get down to Redwing against enemy fire.

Bucky snatched his computer from its dock and raced to the elevator. His hands were shaking so badly he hit a few numbers below. The elevator went up to 88 and Bucky jabbed the door close button over and over. 89. 90. 91.

Bucky burst out on floor 92, tried not to think about the fact that just looking at elevator buttons had made him start crying, and ran towards Stark’s workstation.

“Call Rhodes!” he shouted and didn’t give a shit about the tears in his voice. “Call Colonel Rhodes right now.”

Stark sprawled upright, having apparently been asleep, and reached for his phone before narrowing his bleary eyes at Bucky.

“Barnes? What’s going on?” he asked.

Bucky set the computer down on a mess of other electronics. “One of...one of… Fuck!” A sob ripped its way out of his throat and he angrily swiped the heel of his hand across his eyes. “One of the suits went down. Someone...someone…”

“Shit,” Stark said and grabbed the phone again. He scrolled through the data reports and flinched which made Bucky snatch the computer back to look at what he was seeing. It was the radar report for Redwing. A large, explosive projectile had been launched into radar zone just before the suit fell. Bucky dropped the laptop and it landed lid first in a box of papers but didn’t shut so he still saw the WARNING WARNING WARN--

“Rhodey,” Stark said. “Rhodey, what’s going on on that end? No, I said I’d stay out of it if-- I don’t care. I’ve got-- Rhodey don’t you--” He fell silent but Bucky could hear Rhodes speaking on the other end. Stark kept shooting glances at Bucky and flinching like he didn’t have control of his body. “Alright. Thank you. That wasn’t so hard. Yeah. Yeah. No, I won’t tell anyone. No, not even Barnes,” he said. “Yes, especially not Barnes.”

He hung up and then looked at Bucky. “I’m not telling you this. It wasn’t Sam.”

Bucky fell back to the ground, catching himself on his knees this time. His arms were too heavy to pick up and the tears were falling even faster now that he knew Sam was okay. Because if Sam was okay that meant that Riley… That meant that Riley… That meant that Riley was wearing the Redwing suit.

Bucky curled into himself on the floor and screamed until his throat went sore. Stark, bless him, did not try to comfort him. He fell forward enough to press his forehead to the tile and shouted again, banged his fists on the floor and then buried them in his hair instead.

He did not go home.

Stark gave Bucky a cot to keep in his office. Bucky learned to live on it while he stared at the computer screen. That night, Sam had given up on getting to the ground and had to retreat. The suit was taken off and it had been quiet since. That did not stop Bucky from staring at it. One night, it pinged a reading--something like 3 PM their time--and Bucky watched the jetpack get taken up into the air. Higher and higher and higher and higher. Higher than he’d ever meant for them to go. High enough that he started to worry for whoever was wearing it. They were running out of oxygen. It better not have been Sam.

Then the wings retracted and the suit plummeted. Bucky nearly knocked his computer over jumping up. There was nothing in the vital readings to suggest the pilot had lost consciousness or suffered any medical episode. They were just falling. And it wasn’t a mechanical malfunction. The wings had been pulled in.

The pilot was letting themselves fall.

It better not be Sam.

Bucky was really going to watch another one die. He was going to see Sam k*** himself.

The pilot opened their wings ten feet before impact and soared back up, looping around one and then landing heavily on the ground.

The wings came back off.

Sam did it four more times, once each night, before the wings came off and stayed off.

That’s when the GPS started to move.

Two days later, Bucky was at an airport.

It had been slightly more than a week since Riley died. Riley died. Riley died. The words were wrong in Bucky’s head. His tongue rejected them without even trying to say it.

Here’s what Bucky knew about Riley. He knew Sam and Riley had known each other since their first tour. He knew that they took their education leave at the same time, went to the same school, and lived together for the three years it took them to get a degree. He knew Riley knew Sam better than Bucky did. He knew Sam had a sister who loved Riley like another brother. He knew Riley loved Sam like his own brother and Sam loved him back.

He knew that in the nine months he and Sam had been dating, he’d really only give himself six, maybe seven of those because Riley got the rest of the time and half time for the months Bucky did claim. He knew Sam called Riley before he called Bucky when he was upset. He knew Riley was such a good fucking guy and so important to Sam that that didn’t even make Bucky jealous.

He knew that Riley didn’t like coffee unless it had been turned into a sweet drink and had whipped cream on it. He knew Riley was from the middle of nowhere and sometimes talked like an obnoxious parody of a cowboy when he was tired or drunk and definitely when he was both. He knew he was a baker. He knew he liked poetry. He kept books in his army bag.

But even if he didn’t know that and nine months worth of other things, the only thing he needed to know was that Sam loved Riley more than he loved breath in his lungs or wings on his back. He loved Riley to the point of giving up concert tickets because Riley got sick and couldn’t go. He loved Riley enough to listen to bad country music in the car. He loved Riley more than he loved sex, if the number of nights he cut out on dates or netflix and chill to pull Riley out of a bad decision was anything to go by.

Sam loved Riley, Riley loved Sam, and Bucky loved Sam so Bucky loved Riley.

And Riley was dead.

Bucky had paced a hole in the floor waiting on Sam. His flight had been delayed three times already and they were two hours past the first arrival time. Energy and despair and hurt thrummed through his body and Bucky couldn’t dispel it no matter how hard he tried. He’d tried to use the gym at the tower. He’d tried to run it off. He’d tried to eat. Tried to not eat. Tried to sleep. Tried to not sleep.

Okay, that one he didn’t need to try to do. He just didn’t sleep.

It remained, locked around his heart and his head.

Sam was coming back on his own. They apparently hadn’t been stationed with a real unit, so there was no one else to send home. Even if they had been with a real unit, Sam was the only one who needed bereavement. So there was no sea of camo or cropped hair to alert Bucky that Sam was coming.

One second he was alone in his grief, the next second Sam was stepping off the elevator. They met halfway across the floor. Bucky was surprised there wasn’t a noise as they crashed together, arms coming around bodies, faces pressed to shoulders, tears escaping again. Sam wasn't in his fatigues or civvies. There was nothing distinctly airforce about him, so they were just two men losing it in each other’s arms and no one knew the depth of it.

Bucky thought about apologizing but there was nothing to apologize for. There were no words to do so anyway. So he just held onto Sam, one hand coming to the back of his head to hold him close. Sam sobbed once, twice, and then collected himself.

Bucky had no idea how long they stood like that. He could’ve stayed for days longer. The hole in his heart was still very much so there. But the luggage turnstile next to them had turned on and off four times and Bucky really wanted to get home and cry in private.

“Baby, let’s go,” he murmured softly, kissing Sam’s chin and then his cheek. “Let’s get you home.”

“I-I-I need to get to our storage unit. I need to-to sort his things,” Sam hiccuped without lifting his head.

“Later. Not right now. You’re coming home with me, alright?”

Sam nodded and wiped his eyes on Bucky’s shoulder. He lifted his head and actually looked at Bucky for the first time all afternoon.

“Hey,” Bucky breathed, brushing his thumb over Sam’s cheek to catch other tears.

Sam held his wrist and kissed his palm. “Hey.” He leaned down to kiss Bucky, tentative at first and then Bucky remembered that he’d thought it was Sam who’d gone down in Redwing for three minutes. He’d watched Sam free fall hundreds of meters to the sand below over and over. He’d almost lost him so many times. And Bucky crashed into him all over again and Sam pushed back. New tears fell, mingling together against their noses and lips and pressed cheeks.

“I can’t lose you,” Sam breathed into Bucky’s mouth. “Not you too.”

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again,” Bucky said.

Sam’s mouth slid off of his, anguish on his face again. His forehead leaned against Bucky’s temple. “He’s gone, Buck. I couldn’t even look for…”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and saw Falcon dashing through enemy fire. “I know, Sam. I know. You tried.”

“Not hard enough. I saw it on the radar before he did. I was going to call out but I…I didn’t, Buck. I didn’t say anything.”

Bucky had nothing to say to that so he wrapped Sam in his arms again. “Let’s go home, Sam. There’s nothing else we can do here. Just breathe for me. Come on.”

Bucky grabbed Sam’s bag and lead him out of the terminal.

Sam slept on the floor, which was fine by Bucky. Something about how beds were too soft. After a week on a cot, Bucky might’ve thought the same thing. So he shoved his coffee table out of the way and threw all the pillows he owned on the floor and laid down several blankets and they slept on the floor.

Sam barely spoke the next day.

He went through the motions of washing dishes after Bucky made breakfast. It was just cereal, so there was little to clean up. He turned on the TV and let it play a documentary about the oceans. It played all day. Over and over. Bucky was pretty certain he could ask Sam anything about it and Sam wouldn’t be able to answer. He ate barely half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. He read a book of poetry on the floor all afternoon. He ate dinner and Bucky washed the plates.

The second day was much the same, but then Sam was agitated. He flipped through shows and got mad when he couldn’t figure out what to watch. He slammed doors when he left rooms. He threw the pillows and blankets on the couch when he lost his phone, which he hadn’t been answering at all anyway. Bucky had left it plugged in on the arm of the couch. They skipped dinner that night and sat on the couch with the TV off and Sam laid in Bucky’s lap and cried again. They fell asleep like that.

The third day, Sam got up and made breakfast. It was cereal again. Bucky put on music. Sam washed the clothes in his bag. Handed Bucky a beautiful leather bracelet he’d picked up when they’d first landed overseas. Gave him another box and managed to say, “For the birthday he missed,” before he dashed to the bathroom and got sick. Bucky left the box on a bookshelf and went to Sam’s side, rubbing his back and massaging his neck. The gift was a jean and sheepswool jacket. They skipped dinner again.

The fourth day, they sat on the floor, staring at the bare couch. Bucky got tired of counting how many buttons had gone missing, so he said, “You have to talk about it.”

Sam choked but didn’t run for the bathroom. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sam, you can’t keep it bottled up. Listen, after I got back from…”

“You wanna talk about things we should talk about: how’d you lose your arm, Bucky?”

“This isn’t about me. And I was just about to tell you that when I got back from my mission, I had to do a shit ton of therapy. And I hated it. And it took me a really long time to start being honest, but once I did, it helped me recover more than getting a new arm did.”

“How’d you lose your arm?”

“I saw him go down. I saw all the readings.”

“That’s not the same thing. I watched my best friend…” Sam gagged again and brought his hands up to his mouth. Tears filled his eyes and Bucky was sure it was a combination of getting sick and being upset. “I watched him die. I don’t know why I even thought I could find a body. I could… Fucking pieces if I’d gotten to the ground. That would’ve been it.” Bucky flinched and Sam zeroed in on it. “That what you wanted to hear, Barnes? Is that what I needed to say to heal myself? My best friend is dead. Maybe his body could be cold before you ask me to fix myself.”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut. “That’s not what I was saying, Sam. Don’t attack me. I’m on your side.”

Sam stood suddenly, swayed on his feet, then found his balance. “I’m going to shower. Please just...give me time to myself right now.”

Bucky dropped his head to the couch.

The fifth day, they were both called into Stark Tower by Rhodes.

It was too early, Bucky thought, to ask Sam to do more debrief. It was too early to ask him to face the world. Bucky had laid on his sister’s couch for two weeks before he could so much as answer the door when he got back.

Sam was in a mood again. Actually, the mood hadn’t ever lessened from the afternoon before. It was back to the silent treatment and if Bucky did push him to say something, he’d be cruel and biting, over descriptive and intentionally mean. Nothing at all like Sam. Or maybe, just like him. This was, after all, Sam at his lowest. How was Bucky to know what that looked like? The only man who could’ve told him was dead.

Bucky had called ahead and had two of the strongest, plainest black coffees waiting in the lobby of Stark Tower for him and Sam. Anything that wouldn’t smell like Riley. They got into the elevator alone and Bucky passed Sam one of the coffees. The doors closed and before Sam could reach over and choose floor 92, Bucky selected 2 - 91.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sam asked. It could’ve been a snarl if the day hadn’t already been so long. If they hadn’t already argued about Bucky wearing the jacket Riley had given him. If Sam hadn’t knocked a glass off the coffee table and shattered it on accident then cut his fingers picking up shards. If Bucky hadn’t slept in his bed like a normal person.

“We have to talk,” Bucky said.

“I don’t...fucking want to talk,” Sam said, trying to double click the floors like something said would unhighlight them. It didn’t. The doors opened on the second floor.

The doors shut. “I saw what you did the days after Riley died.”

“Don’t fucking say that,” Sam snapped, like he hadn’t told Bucky this morning about the blood that had been on his suit when he landed.

“I saw you free fall. Over and over. I watched that, Sam.”

Sam’s jaw steeled and he stared at his reflection in the stainless steel siding. “I free fall all the time. It’s one of the things we learn how to do.”

“Not like that, Wilson. You went into the fucking atmosphere. There’s no telling what the wings would have done at the speeds you were clocking.”

Sam’s mouth remained a straight line.

“You could’ve died,” Bucky said to get it out there.

“Good,” Sam said, ripping off the bandaid.

The doors opened on the fifth floor. “Don’t,” they both said to the woman who tried to step in.

“I’m still here,” Bucky said.

“I know. And I’m sorry I did that. I’m sorry I felt that way. I’m sorry I still feel that way. I can’t make myself stop.”

Bucky swallowed hard and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Sam...I tried too, alright? You don’t… I haven’t told you the whole story about my discharge and I will one day. This isn’t the day for that. But my story isn’t clean. Not even close. And I tried it too. I thought that’d be a lot simpler than the bullshit I was about to go through. I thought it’d be a justice for the people involved in my story.”

Sam looked at Bucky sharply, eyes red, tears wet on his cheeks.

“It wouldn’t’ve been. So I need you to tell me what’s going on and how we can fix this.”

Slowly, the fight seeped out of Sam’s shoulders. Common ground at last. A shock to his system. A bitter, bitter win for Bucky for the time being. Sam sank down and stared at his coffee cup. “I’ve known Riley for over a decade. More than anyone else in my life who ain’t blood.”

Bucky sat beside him. The elevator stopped on three floors.

“I’ve known him for a third of my life. The first serious third. I think I grew up more with him than anyone I went to school with. I’ve never had to do this on my own. He was always right next to me. I haven’t made a decision without asking him since I decided to sign up.”

“So, poor track record of making your own decisions,” Bucky joked softly.

“I was going to let myself do it,” Sam whispered then. “I wasn’t going to pull the wings back out.” Bucky’s heart went cold and still in his chest before roaring back to life. “I’m sorry you could see the readings. I didn’t know that.”

“I’m not upset I saw it. I’m upset that you felt the need to do it.”

Sam looked over at him. “Sure, but let me ask, what stopped you from following through?”

Bucky stomach twisted painfully. It was his turn to get nauseous. “I didn’t want my sister to find me. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”

Sam nodded. “If I know you might be watching those readings, I won’t be able to do it again.”

Bucky nodded and brought the coffee to his lips. It scorched his mouth and throat and he didn’t taste it all but the point wasn’t the taste. The doors opened on the seventeenth floor.

“We’re going up,” Sam said in a quiet voice.

The doors closed.

“He was my friend too,” Bucky said, voice raw. “You can talk to me about him.”

“I know that. I’m just not in the sharing mood right now.”

The doors opened. Closed. Opened. Closed. Opened. Closed.

“I fell off a train,” Bucky said. “I told you my SpecOps mission was in the mountains. I was knocked out of a moving train going around the side of a mountain and I… I’m not really sure how it happened. I might’ve reached out for the cliff face. I might’ve just hit it on the way down. I didn’t have my arm when I woke up on the ground.”

“Well, shit, maybe a bear ate it while you were out.”

“Nah, the doctors said it was too smooth. It was ripped off all at once.”

Sam flinched and then closed his eyes.

“I actually had a little bit left. I dunno, half of my upper arm, maybe. It was removed later. So, I guess it wasn’t that smooth and pretty. You know what I remember most?”

Sam hummed without lifting his head.

“I remember the jacket I was wearing. We’d been undercover when we were called into action. I was wearing a beautiful jacket that I’d picked up somewhere when the mission was still an adventure and not a nightmare. And I remember laying in the snow, looking at all that blood and my missing arm and being upset that my jacket had been ruined.”

Sam snorted and then lost the battle against sobs again. He set the coffee aside and moved over to hug Bucky, crying into his shoulder. Bucky wrapped his arms around Sam and kissed his hair. “We’re gonna get through this, Sam. You’ve just gotta trust me to hold you up. And you’ve gotta trust me to be on your side. I’m not gonna say shit to make you follow the rules or whatever. I’m gonna say shit that helped me, rules be damned.”

“I miss him so much. It’s only been five days. How am I supposed to go seventy more years without him? I’ve called his number a hundred times already and no one ever picks up.”

Bucky rubbed Sam’s back and nodded. “I know, baby. C’mere.” He pulled Sam more into his lap. Sam clutched at his shirt with trembling fingers “I’m gonna be right here. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I feel so fucking alone.”

“You’re not, Sam. I’m right here. I’m with you.”

Sam pressed his face further against Bucky’s neck and Bucky felt his tears, cool and heartbreaking. He didn’t have words. He just kept rubbing his hands over Sam’s back, kissing his temple and his hair and saying, “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.” Hoping Sam would hear him through his grief and believe it.

He held him for forty more floors and they cried together. The elevator continued ever upwards. They pushed forward ever onwards.

“I’m right here,” Bucky said as the doors opened on floor 92. Sam nodded against his shoulder and slowly stood up.

Upwards and onwards.

#sambucky #sambucky fanfic #sambucky fanfiction #sam wilson #bucky barnes #the falcon and the winter soldier #the falcon #winter soldier #captain america #writing #i answer things

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starkeristheendgame · 4 years

Note

Hi! Are you still taking prompts? If yes, can you do a Starker one, where Tony is oblivious, and Peter doesn't know what to do, and ask for help to a close friend of Tony and they try to make him jealous by pretending to date and Tony is like of course he is with him he's everything i'm not and having a total breakdown and peter realize that they hurt tony instead and ask for forgivenes and end up together, pleasee? Thank you! If you aren't please just ignore this!

Against my better judgement, my prompts are never closed! Thank you so much for this super sweet/angsty prompt, Nonnie! I realised after finishing this that I never directly included Peter asking for forgiveness, but I hope this feeds you just the same! ❤

TW: Angst | Hurt/Comfort | Self-worth issues | Jealousy | Alcohol mention

SFW

Harley Keener is two years Peter’s senior and nicer than Peter could have ever imagined. When Tony had first started to talk about the ‘the first one he pseudo-adopted’ and how Harley had grown into more of a ‘mini me’ than he could’ve imagined, Peter had felt an uncomfortable twist in his gut.

What if Harley was better than him?

What if Tony liked Harley more?

What if, with Harley around, Tony didn’t want Peter around anymore?

He needn’t have worried, though. Harley wasn’t as ‘outwardly’ nerdy as he was, but he was more than happy to gush over the latest Star Wars LEGO offerings, and Tony snarked them both in equal measure. It was surprisingly like having another Ned around, and it took less than a week for Peter to feel stupid for having worried about his place besides the two of them.

Tony even joked that Harley was the ‘prototype’ and Peter was the ‘updated model’, to which Harley had just rolled his eyes, knocked Tony’s spanner off the table like a cat and gone straight back to talking to Peter about ComicCon.

They became fast friends, and Peter supposed that was somewhat why he tended to forget there was a second person in the lab with them here and there, starkly (heh) reminded of it when Harley flopped down next to him on the penthouse couch one evening and said; “so how long have you been in love with Tony?”

He could have cried. The Avengers he was around almost every other day for the past two years brushed off his doting as a hero complex and ‘mentor crush’ and it had taken Harley Keener less than three weeks to call him out on its true nature.

Naturally and mortifyingly it ended up with Peter sniffling against Harley’s shoulder, wailing about how Tony was out of his league, how every single possible thing that could was against them, and how worst of all; Tony wasn’t interested.

“He’s interested,” Harley had shrugged, gingerly plucking a tissue from the box and holding it out to him. He’d been somewhat cryptic about the basis of his statement, but had enthusiastically proposed a manner of ways in which it could be proven. And Peter…

Peter agreed to one.

He didn’t know why. He wasn’t exactly a glutton for punishment and he certainly didn’t get his kicks out of being humiliatingly, crushingly rejected, but...But Harley had said so make jealous. Tony always wants everything, and when he thinks he can’t have something he just tries harder to get it and Peter had inexplicably said yes.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, Peter didn’t quite know which) the only real, viable option was...Harley himself. None of the other Avengers would work; since they were all taken, straight and/or highly unlikely to be receptive to fake-dating a teen half (or more) their age.

Neither Ned or MJ had access to the Tower or could really be around any SHIELD, Stark or Avengers activity, and that left quite literally no-one else but Harley.

“I mean, in a way, its perfect. I’m the grandmaster of the plan anyway, and you don’t have to wordy about hurting my feelings or me falling for you. We can collaborate flawlessly to get you some Grand-Daddy dick,” Harley hummed around the stick candy in his mouth, and Peter wasn’t quite sure what part of that sentence offended him the most.

“Does literally nobody want me?” he pouted, bottom lip pushed out dramatically as he kicked Harley’s leg out of the way and picked up the PS5 controller.

“Hey, chin up, munchkin. You’re prettier than half the girls I know. I’m just not wired that way.”

“You’re straight?”

“I’m not anything. It’s like asexuality and aromantic, but both,” Harley pulled a face, clearly trying to remember the term, then shrugged. “Ah, I can never remember it. Anyway, point is, I’m not interested in anyone. You’re a little cherub, for sure, but you’re cute like a cat, not suck-my-dick cute.”

And, well. Cute like a cat? He considered that a high compliment.

Thus, Operation Get That Grand-Daddy Dick (Peter did not name it) was underway. They both agreed to keep it natural and subtle, since Tony walking in on them half-naked or all over each other was just likely to spook him off. They’d edge into it; hint that they were spending more time together, act a little cosier, maybe get caught holding hands after a week or two.

In truth, it wasn’t all that different to how they had been before, except that Harley made his smiles even softer, a little more secretive and let his gaze linger when he was sure Tony would notice. They sat and stood closer together than before, and here and there Harley would press a lingering hand to his back or arm.

They made sure when one or both left they secreted away just out of sight and took a little too long, standing close together by the elevator and making sure to hug ‘longingly’ (whatever that meant in context) should Tony happen to peek.

And yet for all his smarts, Tony didn’t seem to particularly notice anything amiss until the first time that he spotted them ‘romantically hugging’. Harley was actually a very good hugger, and they stood in front of the elevator together, with Peter facing it and Harley facing the lab. Harley had his chin over Peter’s shoulder and his hands low and tight on his waist, holding him close.

“Spotted,” Harley whispered quietly, and moments later Tony spoke up.

“Well that looks cosy.”

Tony’s voice was carefully level, no betrayal of emotion as Peter shyly disentangled himself from Harley, taking a step away as though caught doing something he shouldn’t. He didn’t have to fake the heat in his cheeks when he glanced up at where Tony stood, arms folded, and he fumbled with the strap of his backpack, glancing across at Harley before he gave Tony a meek smile.

“Um, I’ll-- I’ll see you Friday, Mr. Stark!” he chirped, shuffling around Harley and into the elevator. Tony was still staring at him as the doors began to close, and Harley turned, casting him a wink and a finger-waggling wave. Peter waved back sheepishly and the moment the doors were shut, he whipped out his phone.

[To: Thing 1] Did he look mad? It looked like he looked mad. Omg. U gotta tell me anything he says :// [19:31]

Harley did in fact text him back two hours later, though there wasn’t much to report. Tony had made a few flippant remarks that could either be parental interest or slight jealousy, and had dropped the subject after a short while in order to focus on his latest project.

Peter slumped. There was snails who had a faster moving love life than he did. With a groan, he stuffed the last of his anxiety snacks in his mouth and flopped back against his pillow to discuss the next step with Harley.

Social media was their next plan of attack. Tony followed Peter on Instagram and Twitter, and had his Snapchat even if the older man rarely used the platform, so they were going to up the pressure by hanging out outside of the lab (which they did anyway) and posting it to social media.

It was too soon to cancel plans with Tony to hang out with Harley (and frankly, Peter didn’t want to anyway) so they simply both made themselves unavailable on certain other days, or hung out together without mentioning it to Tony beforehand.

They got ice cream at the park, went to the art museum downtown, visited several different cultural/ethnic based stores and went to the arcade to kick ass at air hockey over the course of a few weeks, all while keeping up the poorly secretive touching and closeness at the lab.

And he’d still have more luck getting blood from a stone.

Tony seemed...Either completely oblivious, or just completely unphased. Whilst Peter caught him watching them here and there with an unreadable expression, Tony never directly asked them or overtly commented on what was happening. There was the odd, “enjoy the park yesterday, kid?” or “saw your post the other day, you should try this place next,” but never anything along the lines of what Peter hoped for.

Even Harley was starting to doubt his original statement that Tony was definitely interested.

Especially when Tony was the one who started cancelling plans, telling them both to ‘go enjoy themselves’ and ‘live the lives of young people’. He didn’t do it all the time, but here and there they’d both receive a text telling them not to come today. The lingering looks got longer and more weighted, but even so, Tony made no move in either aspect.

“I think I’m just gonna have to give it up,” Peter admitted to Harley one night over the phone, hanging upside down in his bedroom with the phone dangling on a web besides him.

“Maybe he’s just not ready for anything right now?” Harley suggested on the other end, between the frantic sounds of tapping buttons.

“Maybe-- Oh, hang on. I’ve got an inbound from JARVIS. It might be Avengers stuff,” Peter hummed, quickly twisting to tap on the screen to accept the incoming call from JARVIS.

“Hey, J. What’s up?” He greeted the AI, blinking at the call screen.

“Apologies for the disturbance, Mr. Parker, but protocol deems that when Mr. Stark is in distress I establish contact with someone on his emergency list in order to inform them.” The AI’s voice was as smooth and unhurried as ever, but Peter frowned at the screen.

“Distress?”

“Yes, Mr. Parker. Sir’s heart-rate is elevated and he is displaying significant symptoms of sadness, including light drinking, darkened lighting and angered viewing of your social media.”

“Angered viewing of my social media?” Peter echoed, fear ratcheting up as he dropped from the ceiling and moved to tug on a pair of shoes. Fuck, had he let something sip? Was there something in the background of his photos? Had someone figured out who he was? He was hopping towards the door on one foot when JARVIS spoke again, and he had to hop back to pull his phone down from the web.

“Why is he sad over that? Did I do something wrong?”

JARVIS was silent for a short while, as though the AI was debating on how best to respond.

“I... Believe Sir may be feeling lonely. Or unworthy of company. There have been a multitude of such instances over the past several years,” JARVIS replied after a pause, as Peter locked the web shooters around his wrist and tugged the Spiderman mask over his head to avoid any cameras, crawling out of his window and leaping out into the brisk air.

It didn’t take long to swing to the Tower, especially not when panic and concern had him pushing it, testing his muscles and leaving him slightly out of breath by the time he slipped onto the top landing console.

JARVIS directed him through to the penthouse and up the set of 12 steps that lead to the ‘upper level’ of it, to an open doorway that revealed Tony Stark sprawled out on his bed, staring blankly at his phone with a neglected, half-open bottle of whiskey loose in one arm, like a newborn babe.

“Mr. Stark?” he asked softly, and Tony’s gaze flit up to him, clearing immediately. His mentor cursed and jerked upright, almost sloshing the whole bottle over his bedding.

“Shit! Kid! Wh’r you doin’ here?” Tony’s voice was just hinting on slurred, the same easiness and lack of concentration that came when you’d had a shot too many. Or five. Peter’s heart cinched as he stared at Tony gingerly putting the bottle on the bedside table, at the redness of his eyes and the messiness of his hair where he’d been running a hand through it, over and over.

“JARVIS called me. He said you were sad,” Peter managed after a moment, hands wringing the mask between his fingers nervously. He’d never seen Tony like this, this...uncomposed. He looked haggard, tired and sad, and it made Peter feel empty and adrift, unsure of how to approach this new version of the man he loved.

“Fucking snitch,” the older man grumbled half-heartedly, and rubbed his hands over his eyes. “Shit. Don’t-- Ignore me, kid. Adults my age are entitled to a night like this once in a while. Go back home, I’m fine. Fuck, you didn’t leave Harley for this, did you?”

“Harley?” Peter parroted, brows furrowing as Tony waved a hand.

“Go on, kid. Get. Make the most of being young and pretty with someone young and pretty.” Tony reached for the bottle again and Peter found himself striding across the room, placing himself in the way of Tony’s outstretched hand and the whiskey. Tony’s fingertips brushed his stomach and recoiled like he’d been burnt by the contact.

“Mr. Stark, do you think I don’t want to hang out with you anymore?” he asked after a moment, voice fragile. God, he’d hoped to maybe make Tony a little jealous, but nothing like this. He hadn’t wanted to hurt him. And he clearly had. There was nothing but rawness in Tony’s eyes when the older man looked up at him.

“I’m not taking it personally,” his mentor attempted to joke, but it came out bitter and too flat to land lightly. Peter’s heart cinched in his chest and he shuffled to sit on the edge of the large bed, teeth on his lower lip as Tony turned away from his gaze.

“Mr. Stark, I’ve never...I’ve never not wanted to hang out with you. Even if I have other friends, too,” he pointed out tentatively, and Tony scoffed lightly.

“You’re too good for a world like this, shortstack. For someone like me. You should be trailing after someone like Captain Uptight,” Tony muttered lowly, and Peter scowled.

“You’re not less better than he is. Both of you are good people. Both of you make mistakes. Both of you save the world.”

Tony’s brows pinched, and he breathed out something that just barely sounded like then why aren’t I good enough?

Making an executive decision, Peter toed off his sneakers and crawled further up onto the bed, picking up Tony’s arm and settling down against his side, curling up under his arm and wrapping his own around Tony’s waist.

He could feel Tony’s heart thumping wildly in his chest, could feel his breath hitch and the hesitant way that Tony let his arm settle over Peter, fingers curling in his hoodie.

“You are,” he offered simply, squeezing gently. “This is my fault. I was acting like a dumb kid, and I thought... I should’ve known that it was just gonna end badly.”

“Is being my mini-me really that bad?” Tony choked out, and Peter pushed himself upright, alarmed.

“What? No! Mr. Stark, being around you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t ever ever regret being around you! I just... I have to…” He trailed off for a moment, frustrated, then prayed to Harley for forgiveness and sucked in a deep breath.

“I’m not actually dating Harley. At all. He doesn’t like people that way. Any people. We’re not boyfriends and I don’t want to stop spending time with you to spend time with him. I like spending time with you and you’re still my hero. Tony Stark or Iron Man,” he stated firmly.

Tony looked at him for a moment, then looked away.

“You should be with Harley, kid. Or someone like him. Not someone like me. Not someone with my history. I’m a shit person, kid. All this Iron Man stuff hasn’t even wiped half my scoreboard clean. Someone like Harley... He’s the better parts of me. Like you. He’s worth your love”.

Tony seemed almost startled at saying that word, twitching a little before he attempted to turn away from Peter again, gaze finding the far end of the room like he wished he was anywhere but here.

Peter fidgeted, then sucked in a deep breath. “Please don’t hate me after this,” he fumbled out quickly, then rolled half on top of the older man, hands fisting in the front of his shirt as he leaned forwards.

The kiss was awkward and clumsy and couldn’t have lasted for than two seconds before Tony pulled away, eyes wide and voice rough.

“Kid, what-- You can’t--”

“If you say you’re not interested, I’ll respect that,” Peter interrupted. “Or if you say I’m too young or whatever. But if you say anything along the lines you of not being enough, or not being worthy, or-- or-- Or whatever it is you feel you aren’t... You’re wrong. The reason me and Harley were acting like that is because I was trying to make you jealous.”

“What-”

“And I know its dumb! I don’t it was childish and I never thought it would hurt you like this. But I’ve lo-- I’ve really liked you. For years. And I know you’re a lot older and we might never be able to be...To be...Normal. I guess. But I want whatever I can get with you, because you’re worth it,” Peter barrelled on, desperate to at least be heard before Tony kicked him out. Except when he trailed off Tony was just... Staring at him.

“It’s just... Hero worship. You still think I’m some magical superhero and you--”

“No offence, Mr. Stark, but you don’t know what I think. Not when it comes to you, clearly,” Peter cut in, cheeks heating at being so brash. Prior to this he wouldn’t have ever dreamed about being so direct and forceful against Tony.

Well. Not in any PG-rated sense, anyway.

“Just... We don’t have to talk about it now, okay?” eh offered, sliding off Tony just a little so he was back up against his side, wriggling around until he could grab the faux fur throw on the bottom of the bed, pulling it up over both of them. Tony remained quiet at his side, just watching as he got them both settled.

“Just... I’m gonna stay, alright? Right here. With you. Because this is where I want to be, and its where I’m gonna stay until... Until you tell me to leave.” His lower lip threatened to wobble with mounting emotion as he lay his head on Tony’s chest, feeling the thick ridges of his scars beneath his shirt.

A moment later, Tony’s hand settled lightly over his head, fingers sliding tentatively into his hair.

“And if I never tell you to leave? If I’m selfish and never want to let you go?” the other man whispered.

“Then I guess that makes us both selfish, because that would make me happy,” Peter mumbled into his chest, wrapping his arm tighter around Tony’s waist. The room went silent for a while, save for their breathing and Tony’s heart thumping beneath his ear.

“Okay,” Tony rasped after a moment, and Peter smiled.

“Okay, Hazel Grace.”

“...What?”

“Nevermind. You’re too old for that reference.”

“You’re a little shit.”

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sherrybaby14 · 4 years

Text

Welcome Home

Summary: You couldn’t take your controlling boyfriend, so you ran away. He found you and hopes to change your mind, with the help of some friends.

Warnings: Smut, lost and found, very brief suicidal thought, I would not label this dub-con, but some might. (I have not warned for every possible trigger. Please read at your own risk).

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Words: 4200

A/N: This is for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor challenge! My prompt was “Safe in Hell”.

“There’s a real hottie in your section.” Your coworker reached above you for the coffee pot. “If he asks for your number you should give it to him.”

Your nerves went off. Was this the day? Did he find you? You shook them down, trying to act normal.

“Right.” You were trying to balance the tray of drinks for the rare family of four who walked into the diner. “Because I give it out to all the other truckers who stop in here.”

“Other truckers?” She laughed. “You won’t even give it to me! When are we going to get together for after work drinks?”

Another thing to worry about, people getting too chummy. A sign to leave.

“Soon.” You gave a nervous laugh as you rounded, hoisting the orange juices in the air as you went back into the crowded eating area.

Soon you would be gone. Never stay in a place for longer than three months, never use your real name, cash under the table, save whatever possible. No relationships, no attachments. That was the advice handed to you. It worked well the last eighteen months. Were you getting sloppy? Was the strange man finally him? The tray wobbled, thinking about dropping it and running out the backdoor.

It wasn’t the life you had planned for yourself, but you were more free in your time on the road than you had been the two years before.

You spotted the “hottie” your friend talked about. His back was to you, short dark hair, smaller shoulders, shorter. Any sense of worry you had faded. Wasn’t him.

A lot of the men who stopped in here were good looking. Ninety percent of them drove trucks back and forth across the country. They would forget your face as soon as they left, stomachs filled with greasy food and an insane amount of coffee. He was just another. It was the blondes that worried you.

Nobody questioned your secrecy until just now, most were in the same boat. Part of you was sure one of the cooks was wanted for murder. Your co-workers last names were Smith, Johnson, Washington, Jefferson. A lot of presidents. Made it hard to google Sarah Adams and get any pointed results.

“There we go.” You handed out the orange juice to the road-tripping family. “Gimme a minute and I’ll be back to take your order.”

Your coworker walked by, coffee pot in hand. You handed her the tray and took the hot beverage without even asking. The solo man’s cup was spun upright and you began to fill it when you approached the table.

“Room for cream?” You watched the dark liquid rise.

“I’d prefer a double whipped non-fat late, but I suppose cream will do.” The voice struck a nerve in your cord and you dropped the coffee pot.

Everything was moving in slow motion. You swore you saw the liquid following out, but the guest grabbed the pot in one hand while reaching out with his other and grabbing your wrist.

“Hi there.” He smiled up at you. “Have a seat.”

You were too numb to respond as he dragged your arm, pulling you into the booth behind him. You started to hyperventilate, the noise of the crowd fading as your world started to spin. How was this happening? Was this real?

“Don’t forget to breathe.” Tony let go of your wrist and took a sip of his coffee. “Not bad.”

You couldn’t react. You didn’t know how to.

“Really, I thought this was going to taste like dirt, but there’s something so basic about it, I can’t put my finger on it.” The billionaire took another sip. “Did you make it?”

You grabbed on to the table, a shake in your body as you looked up. Tony’s warm eyes had a hint of sympathy, but he smiled and it vanished. Had you lost your mind?

“Don’t have a lot of time so speak up Princess.” Tony flicked your arm.

A million questions ran through your head, but you spit out the first one. Your main fear.

“Is he….here?” There was a lump in your throat, could you outrun Ironman? Were you insane?

“Don’t ask questions you won’t like the answer to.” Tony’s eyes dropped to the table as he grabbed a packet of sugar.

Escape. You had to escape. All the ways out you had planned in your head didn’t involve a visit from Tony Stark. How was that even possible? They were the good guys. Maybe they didn’t know? Maybe you could reason with his friend, get them to see. Put an end to this madness, get your life back.

“Listen to me.” You grabbed Tony’s hand, not wanting to understand how you were capable of touching him. “He is insane. He is controlling and demanding and you need to help me.”

“I know.” Tony nodded. “Trust me, I know.”

Your shoulders relaxed. Tony knew he was insane.

“When you were in his life, you made him better.” Tony laughed. “SInce you’ve been gone. Well, everyone else has had to deal with that side.”

You recoiled.

“He has saved a lot of lives. He’s a good man.” Tony let out a huge breath.

“HE RUINED MY LIFE!” You slammed the table. “He...he picked out my clothes, he made me quit my job, he nit picked everything I did, he followed me everywhere, he destroyed my friendships, he controlled everything.”

“Did he ever hit you?” Tony ran his hand over his hair.

“What?” You glanced over his face.

“Did he tell you what you could and couldn’t do?” Tony leaned back in the booth. “What was he holding over you? That you couldn’t leave? That you ran away in the middle of the night?”

“I tried to break up with him.” Your lip quivered. “But he sabotaged everything, every job application, apartment, bills. He forced it so he was my only option.”

That was how Steve operated. He didn’t give ultimatums, he didn’t hit you. He just twisted your life so you were dependent on him. A master of emotional manipulation.

“Well, when he had you to look after.” Tony reached down next to him and pulled out some electronic device. “He wasn’t so difficult to deal with, but since you left of your own free will, he has been a bit of a horror.”

“Own free will?” You were seething. “I tried to leave at least ten times! He always found a way to make me come back. We were only together for a year, I realized he was tricking me, messing with my mind. I called it off then, it took me another year of forgiving and coming back before I had to vanish.”

“Vanish?” Tony raised an eyebrow. “Hardly.”

He tapped a button on his device. This place barely got cell service but a screen seemed to appear out of nowhere. Your jaw dropped as you scanned what was in front of you. Pictures, notes, dollar amounts. Every place you’d been the last eighteen months.

“I...I need to get back to work.” You started to stand, planning to sprint out the back and run until you died.

Tony let out a whistle. All noise in the diner stopped. The people got up from their seats, the staff stopped in place. All of them left the building in a neat and practiced order.

“Sit back down.” Tony slid the screen over, but didn’t close it. “Don’t make this difficult.”

“I am leaving.” Your chest was heavy. “You can’t stop me.”

“No, but I can call the police.” Tony scratched his head. “They will be here faster than you can get outside, ready with a pair of handcuffs.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Your legs started to shake.

“In the last year and a half you have committed a staggering amount of crimes.” Tony hit his screen and they changed. “Identity theft, tax evasion, moving stolen property over state lines, not to mention the civil liabilities from the landlords you ran out on.”

“Bullshit!” You hit the table. “I used fake names, I worked under the table, I was trying to hide.”

“Well, there’s an admission to the tax evasion.” Tony crossed his arms and leaned back. “My personal attorneys have studied this and found every little thing you have done wrong. It’s all here. Those fake names, turns out some real people have them.”

You knew how powerful the Avengers were, but you thought the only evil one was Steve. Besides, there was the one other nagging thought.

“How?” Your mind was so focused on Steve, you couldn’t focus on anything else.

“With a good federal prosecutor and several amazing state’s attorneys, you will be bouncing from prison-to-prison for the rest of your life. Would you like to have a seat now?” Tony’s sympathy vanished.

Yes. You thought about life in prison. Could you handle it? Take it? Would it be better than this?

“I promise you it would not.” Tony glared up at you. “Now sit.”

You crumbled back into the booth.

“What does he want?” You knew Tony was just the middle man. “Were any of the people here ever real? Were you just waiting until you had enough on me?”

“Of course we were.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Steve found you a day after you left. He has been trailing you nonstop. I saw the bigger picture. He’d convince you to come back and you would run again. We tempted you with some major crimes by the way, kudos to you for not robbing that guy in Portland. Those were marked bills. Would’ve had you ten months ago.”

“I’m going to be sick.” You leaned over and clutched your stomach, all the precautions you’d been taking, your life. It meant nothing.

“Here’s what he wants.” Tony slammed a little black box on the table. “Not the most romantic proposal, but you know Steve. He doesn’t want any of the dirty stuff on his hands.”

“Oh God.” You clutched your stomach, trying to ignore the sound of Tony opening the box.

“He loves you.” Tony reached over the table and set it on your knee. “He will take care of you. Your life will be better than this.”

“He’s obsessed with me.” You glared at him. “That’s not love!”

“Sure it is.” There was no humor on Tony’s face. “Maybe not your definition. But to him, it’s love.”

“He...he could have anyone, why me?” Your reality began to set in and tears started to fall.

“If I had to guess, your mind.”

“I’m not a genius.” You looked up at him with red shot eyes. “I thought I was free and he, he never left me.”

You thought back to all the good looking single guys in here asking for your number, the way your coworkers were in the same boat as you. It wasn’t dumb luck. It was a controlled experiment.

“You need to ask him these questions.” Tony’s sympathy showed again. “He is waiting for your answer. Take a look at the ring. Put it on your finger, or else except some less-than-pleasant jewelry on your wrists.”

The sound of Tony’s footsteps and the ding of the diner bell made you sob. There was no doubt the building was surrounded. You had a third option, but that wasn’t in the cards for you.

Your life with Steve flashed in your brain. The way he looked at you, the way he sent a tingle down your spine, the way he got you to try new things, and when you didn’t like them he would stop. He was kind, to you, but any life outside of him, that’s when he showed his true colors.

Without opening your eyes you knew what the ring would look like. Large and heavy, a single giant stone that people could see from yards away. Ownership. That was Steve.

Which prison did you want?

You gulped down, and looked at the box. Your heart raced as you brought your hand to your mouth. It was small. It was ugly even, a single pear cut diamond in a bronze band, but your heart filled with warmth.

Different memories came forward, pretending to be a bride with a pillowcase, talking with your father about walking down the aisle, watching your mother cheers at your graduation. The ring on her finger.

“How?” Your parents were dead, a tragic accident, nothing was recovered. It happened a year before you met Steve.

The initial wave of comfort he had brought came over you again. The way he listened, tried to help you.

“Photos.” Nat’s voice made you jerk your head up. “He had it recreated down to exact specifics.”

“It's not hers?” Your heart didn’t sink at the realization, in fact it panged with comfort.

“He’s not a miracle worker.” Nat slid into the booth. “But he tries.”

The strangeness of the last five minutes dawned on you again. You wouldn’t go back, you slammed the ring box shut.

“Please, we were friends. Get Steve to let me go.” You bit back a sob. “Women-to-women, you saw how bad it got and…”

“I saw a devoted man, who might not have chosen a woman who understood all his traits, but awoke something in him.” Nat leaned forward. “He wants you. Only you. I sent a few incredibly good looking guys to hit on you, and you shut them all down. Are you sure you want anyone else?”

“I didn’t...I couldn’t...settle down.” You took a heavy breath. “He could find me if I built a life. I needed to keep moving.”

“He’s always known where you were.” Nat smiled. “Now make the right choice. He’s waiting.”

“Wait, help me?” You looked up at her with glassy eyes as she left the booth.

“I already have.” The sadness on her face was too much, you started to cry again. “We both have.”

You didn’t take your eyes off of her as she left the diner. The door moved in slow motion, slammed shut.

You tried to bite back the scream, but it came out. The vision faded, the diner was filled again. Ghosts vanished.

The tray of orange juice hit the ground with a smash and a spill. Everyone in the diner turned to stare at you. Including the “hottie” your coworker warned you about.

Tall, blonde, beautiful, controlling, manipulative, but also protective, caring, pushing, and instead of crying and running away you burst out into tears and ran toward him. Not registering that everyone in the diner was watching.

“I...I missed you so much.” Steve scooped you up in his arms. “I was wrong. I was wrong on so many levels, after we lost Tony and Natasha, I couldn’t lose you. And I shouldn’t have tried to keep you the way I did.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Warmth, home, everything negative flushed away.

“Hey, you gonna clean this up?” Your coworker held the coffee pot, looking pissed off.

You looked back at Steve, who was just as stunned from the kiss as the rest of the restaurant was from the sound of you dropping your tray.

“I’ll change. I miss you so much.” Steve wrapped his arms around your waist. “I’ve been changing. Working on myself. I can’t believe I pushed you that hard. I wanted to keep you safe.”

“I’m safe when I am with you.” There was a fullness in your heart, one you didn’t realize you were missing. “I didn’t do anything bad.”

“What?” Steve laughed. “You? This was not the conversation I was expecting. The night you left, I just, I realized my trying to protect you was overriding everything else. My trauma was creating trauma for you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you let me.”

“Please?” You didn’t wait for a response when you put your lips to his.

Steve let out a grunt and held you tighter, your bodies pressed together as hard as they could be, your mouth devouring each other in the middle of the restaurant.

He pulled away first, slowing down the kiss until he could press his forehead to yours.

“Let’s get out of here.” His gaze made your heart feel like it was going to beat out of your chest.

You nodded and undid the tie on your apron, throwing it on the table along with the orders and cash you’d received on your shift so far.

Everyone’s eyes were on you as Steve took your hand and led you out of the place. Nobody spoke a word. It was like they weren’t even there.

Steve walked you to the side of a pick up truck. He opened the door and boosted you inside.

“You don’t understand how unprepared I was for this.” Steve grinned as he buckled your seatbelt. “I was ready to plead and beg, we were meant for each other.”

As the belt clicked you grabbed his cheeks and kissed him again, moaning into his mouth. The time apart now felt like a wasted lifetime. This was right. He was right. Why did it take unearthly visitors to show you what was in front of your face the whole time.

“We have to stop, or I won’t be able to control myself.” Steve wiped his lips as he backed away, slamming the door shut.

He rounded the front of the truck and climbed in the driver’s seat. Buckling in and turning over the engine he whipped out of the parking lot. You wasted no time sliding your hand up his thigh.

“I missed you. God, I missed you.” He gripped the wheel. “I can’t believe I let you get away.”

“Well I’m back now.” You let your hand climb father up his jeans, cupping the bulge of his pants. “And I’m never leaving again.”

You glanced at him, his eyes were fixed on the deserted road. You went for the button on his pants.

“What are you doing?” Steve looked to you with concern.

“I can’t wait any longer.” You yanked down the zipper and pulled his cock out. “I need you, as much of you as I can get.”

Steve let out a moan, approving. You dropped your head and wrapped your lips around his cock. Trying to drool as much as possible, wanting to take him deep.

He shifted, and moved as close to you as possible without stopping. His hand found the skirt of your waitress uniform and pushed it up. He cupped your pussy, making you squeak with the realization of how wet you were, rubbing down hard.

“I guess you did miss me.” He dragged his fingers up and over the top of your panties.

You lifted your hips and pulled them down, trying to concentrate on getting his dick as wet as possible, but eager for your own pleasure too.

“I love you.” His finger found your slit and gathered your juices. “I’ll love you forever.”

Your eyes popped open as he slid a digit inside you with ease. You turned your body so that you were able to press your clit to the base of his palm as he flexed his finger inside of you.

A moan left your mouth and his cock slid deeper.

“You are my forever. I need you. I was a wreck without you.” Steve grunted and his cock slid further into your mouth. “I’ll never let you leave. Never again. I can’t...I can’t be without you.”

You flicked your tongue and sucked harder, sliding down. His knee popped up to touch the steering wheel and his other hand found the back of your head.

“You’re like no other.” He guided you further, his fingers working you into a frenzy as you humped against him, your clit coming to life. “The only soul in existence who fits with mine.”

His words made your heart flutter, but his hands were bringing you closer to the edge.

“And you lied. You did do something bad.” Steve groaned. “You left. I never gave up. I gave you your space, but that’s over. You’re my home.”

You tried to nod as best you could, but you were more interested in controlling your gag reflex. Your body was on fire, nipples tightening, hot and cold alternated all over you. Why did you ever leave him? None of that mattered now.

“Now, be a good girl.” Steve slid another finger inside and began working faster, sliding in and out, flexing against your inside while his palm ground into your clit. “Show me how much you missed me.”

Your body knew what he wanted before you mind caught up and you started to convulse around his hand. Shots of pleasure firing off your entire being. You fell forward, his cock hitting the back of your throat, but the orgasm made you unaware of anything but ecstasy.

His hands vanished and you moved your mouth back, still unsteady from your release. You needed to return the favor, but before you could get to work two hands were on your shoulders, pushing you up to sitting.

You looked out the window and saw you were pulled over on the side of the road in broad daylight. Steve went between your legs and yanked your panties off.

“I need to have all of you.” He grabbed your thigh and guided you to his lap.

You nodded, straddling him as he guided his cock to your entrance.

“Mmm.” You bit your lip as he stretched your quaking pussy. “I missed you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never should have left.”

“Shhh.” Steve pulled you down as he flexed up. The burn it caused was beautiful. “Our future is forever. Welcome home.”

You winced when you took him to the hilt. Home. That was the feeling in your heart.

Tears stung at the corner of your eyes as you dropped your head, Steve grabbed your cheek and guided your lips to his. His other hand dug into your hip and guided your body as he fucked you.

You need him to take the lead, incapable of knowing what to do without his skill. His tongue worked yours while his cock brought your pussy to life, rocking you while he slid in and out, short fast movements.

“Oh God.” You broke the kiss, unable to concentrate on it as he picked up the pace.

Steve pulled you against him, his mouth finding your neck, he bit and teased at the skin as you turned into a mewling shaking mess.

“You’re ready to cum.” Steve nipped at your skin.

“No.” You weren’t close, it was the after effects of the first one.

“Yes.” Steve’s hands ran up your back and pulled your down harder. “Don’t fight it. Don’t fight me. Give over.”

“I’m…” You didn’t understand your own body.

“Cum, cum for me.” Steve tugged you down with so much strength you gasped. “NOW!”

Your body responded. The orgasm ripping through you out of what felt like nowhere. The tears flowed as an inhuman noise left your body. You were nothing, just a ball of pleasure, pure euphoria.

Steve growled and joined you in finishing, coating your insides with his white foam. You collapsed against him, wishing the clothes were gone.

Consciousness was sneaking away, your eyes drifting shut. Before you slipped into sleep you swore you saw Tony and Nat, both smiling at you. You were home.

“Hey.” Steve was shaking your shoulder.

“Huh?” Your eyes opened to see a dark sky.

“We have to stop for the night.” He lifted you out of the truck. “You’ve been sleeping all day, but now I need some rest.”

“Sorry.” You wrapped your arms around his neck as he cradled you to his chest.

“Something tells me you haven’t slept that well in a long time.” Steve kissed your forehead as he carried you into the motel room. “You needed it.”

“I needed you.” You smiled as he set you down on the bed.

“Always.” Steve tossed a large bag he’d been carrying onto the floor. “I’m going to take a quick shower. You want to join me?”

“No.” You turned on your side and cuddle the pillow. “Too tired.”

“Alright.” He laughed. “I’ll be right out.”

Steve kissed your forehead again before going into the bathroom. The second he was gone your eyes popped open. You ran for the bag, unzipping it.

It didn’t take long for you to find two things. One was a Manila folder. You opened it and saw everything Tony had shown you, just the old fashioned paper way. Then you saw the little black box. The ring on the inside was the one Nat forced you to look at.

“Thank you.” You looked up at the ceiling, hoping they could hear you.

Steve was going to have you either way, but at least your visitors let you do it on your own terms. You closed up the bag and stood up from the floor.

You glanced to the exit, seeing the keys to the truck sitting there. Instead you smiled, and went to the bathroom, stripping off your clothes in the process. You were home.

#steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #fanfic #marvel #marvel fanfic #fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #avengers fanfic

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baeklooming-day · 4 years

Text

Lemon cake | Baekhyun

Lines 6. “I need a place to stay.”, 8. “You’re seriously like a man-child.”, 16. “You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”

Summary: There is this boy who just won’t leave you alone, no matter which time of the day, and no matter how much your cat despises him.

Genre: Fluff!!, Cheeky Baek

Word Count: 2k

Main Masterlist. | Cheeky Baek Masterlist.

„This is definitely NOT happening right now.”

You felt a familiar warmth creeping up your cheeks, a feeling all too familiar.

And all you could tell was that it wasn’t a blush of a pleasant feeling of any sort, it was the angry and flaming blush which was an evident signal of you starting to loose all your cool.

And you nearly did loose all your remaining cool in one go as soon as you looked down on your bathroom floor where you were crouching.

As good as half of your previously perfectly cleaned and shining bathroom floor was now all covered in little cat treats which fell from the ripped open packaging, leaving annoying crumbs on your new jeans, on the floor where they fell, some of them rolling away through the entire bathroom and stopping just when they hit the side of your bathtub.

Usually, you would take the scissors to open something like this neatly, but not knowing why, just today you decided to open it solely with your hands.

And just today, in that precise moment when you were about to open it with intention to surprise your cat with new snacks, your doorbell which unfortunately was loud as freak decided to invade the peaceful silence of your apartment and startle you almost to death, the result of it being you literally ripping the packaging open and creating a great mess.

Well, not that it was the doorbell which rang on its own and decided to make you hate this morning, but rather the person standing outside and ringing it.

It was exactly seven o’clock in the morning, and since you didn’t expect anyone at this early hour anyway, your blood started to boil once again as you could already tell who it was.

You let out a loud annoyed groan, slowly standing up. You didn’t even think of cleaning up the current mess present in your bathroom right now, you went out and made sure to close the door so that your cat couldn’t barge in and eat everything at once.

You would deal with it later.

Now, you needed to deal with another, much more nerve pulling problem.

You grabbed your phone which was laying on a little white table in your long corridor, throwing one quick glance at the screen to confirm your suspicion on who was behind your door just now.

Ten missed calls.

Twenty five unread messages.

And two snaps.

An almost disgusted expression made its way on your beautiful face, you let out yet another groan and walked towards your door.

You stopped right in front of it, wondering that maybe, just maybe, you could pretend as if you weren’t at home, but you decided that it wouldn’t do much now, as your annoyed groans were probably too loud to fail to hear, even through the closed thick door.

You didn’t even care or try to mask your pained expression as you decisively swung the door open, revealing a sight all too familiar to you.

Way too familiar, you weren’t even seeing your own reflection as often as what was before you at your doorstep.

„Are you waking up looking already like an ethereal goddess?”

You squinted your eyes, contemplating whether to just slam the door and lock it, disable the doorbell, and throw your phone through the window or just deal with it again.

You gave the light haired boy at your doorstep a look full of an unmasked disapproval, regretting taking so long to think, given that even if you really wanted it was already too late to slam the wooden door in his face as he smoothly slid past you into your apartment.

„Byun Baekhyun.” You said through your gritted teeth, trying to be as calm as you could.

The said boy turned around, placing his hand on the closed door next to your head.

What in the world was it, a move taken from some Korean drama?

„Y/L/N Y/N.” He mirrored you, saying your own name. „Why aren’t you answering me? I called you what feels like million times.”

„Yeah, figures, it was ten times, ten times too much.” You said, crossing your arms on your chest.

„Wh-”

„Baekhyun, I swear, how many times did I already tell you to stop following me around like some puppy.” You said as you pushed his hand away and proceeded to walk through your corridor to the living room, him just following closely behind you without adding anything.

Before you entered your living room, you abruptly turned around to face him, making him pretty much hit his head on the doorframe.

Well deserved.

„You are seriously like a man-child. You know that?” You asked rhetorically.

„My mom told me to follow my dreams, so that’s what I’ve been doing past these two months.” Baekhyun said, as if it was the most casual thing to say.

You only squinted your eyes again in response. „That was so bad.”

„Was it?” He walked past you into your living room, stopping by your white couch and tracing circles on the soft pillows with his finger. „I think it wasn’t.”

Alright, no, he was starting to ramble on.

You couldn’t continue talking like this, not when his sole presence was already driving you mad by now.

„Dude, I swear” You muttered under your nose. „So what do I owe this wonderful visit this time? And why are you looking as if a military van ran you over? Did you even sleep last night?” You questioned, critically observing the state he was in.

His light hair looked a little damp, whilst the visible redness of his chocolate eyes and dark circles underneath them looked like an evident lack of solid sleep.

Baekhyun let out a deep breath, playing with the silver ring on his finger. „Um. I need a place to stay.”

„You need what?” You widened your eyes. „Listen, I know you have load of friends. Go ask your boys!” You spat, wondering who did he think he was.

Whoever he thought himself to be, he wasn’t.

„But the question is, why do you need a place to stay out of nowhere?” You asked.

„Well” He started. „My mom left for a business trip and I, um, I don’t have the keys to our apartment. I forgot them inside.” He said, sounding at least a LITTLE bit ashamed of himself.

„And where were you last night?”

„I was out for drinks and stuff with friends...” He bent over your couch, resting his elbows on the pillows and massaging his temples.

„W-wait, wait.” You paused. „Baekhyun, are you drunk?” You asked the boy incredulously.

After hearing your question, he immediately straightened himself, as if trying to look composed even though it was obvious that he looked everything else but that. „I feel fine.”

You just couldn’t believe this.

„Dude, how baked are you?” You asked even more incredulously. „Haha, baked, Baekhyun, get it? Okay, never mind.” You quickly disappeared into your kitchen before he could make any comment on your obviously bad joke.

You opened the cupboard, looking for black tea for him, hoping that it would be able to shake him more awake and return clarity to his mind.

Just as you were opening the little elegant tea box, you heard Baekhyun’s voice coming from the living room.

„Awe, Earl Grey!”

You took a look at the tea bag in your hand. „Yeah, I’m making you earl grey!” You shouted back, not thinking much.

But then you almost burned yourself with the hot steaming water for tea, as the next thing you heard was a loud, not content meow.

Your cat must’ve woken up and come into the living room, judging by the tone of his meowing not being particularly happy about what he had found there.

You should’ve realized right away as soon as you heard Baekhyun’s voice, unfortunately the damage had been already done.

Your cat’s name was Earl Grey.

And he absolutely hated Baekhyun.

You thought that there wasn’t any particular reason for why Earl Grey visibly despised the careless boy, given that he was always nice to your cat every time he showed up.

You quickly filled the prepared cup with water and rushed into the living room.

You expected to be met with a very questionable scene, but instead you found only your beloved cat sitting on the couch and looking straight at you with big eyes.

Baekhyun was nowhere to be seen.

„Earl Grey, my baby, where did our baked Baek disappear?” You asked as you crouched in front of your couch and lovingly hugged Earl Grey, giving him a little kiss on his soft little forehead.

You went to the corridor again, looking around you.

Where did he go?

„Baekhyun?” You called.

Nothing.

„Baekhyun!”

Still nothing.

You already wanted to let out a loud groan once again, when you noticed a movement inside your bedroom.

Without hesitation you barged into your bedroom, your arms falling to your sides as you saw the view before you.

Baekhyun was there, unceremoniously laying on your bed, on your NEW soft covers, one leg on the mattress whilst the other one on the floor, eating the cake you left on your desk and leaving small cake crumbs all over the green and white pastel sheets.

„This is sick.” You said, surprisingly feeling the urge to let out a laugh, struggling to hold it back. „You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”

You came closer to your bed, kneeling next to it and looking at Baekhyun who now was just staring at the ceiling.

„Baek, I made you some black tea. Go and drink it.” You said.

He slowly turned to his side, facing you. His eyes looked sleepy now.

Well, no wonder if he pulled an all-nighter with drinks.

You slightly widened your eyes as he suddenly caught you off guard by very gently taking your hand. „Will you like me if I drink it?” He asked, his eyes fixed on yours. „I just want you to look more kindly at me... I just want you to like me too...” His words were becoming always softer and quieter, as if fading with every second, his sleepiness taking over.

You didn’t know what it was, but you felt as if something just melted in your heart at this sight, the corner of your lips lifting ever so slightly at the sound of these mumbled innocent confessions.

Not even a minute later, Baekhyun was completely asleep, still holding onto your hand.

You could tell that he really needed that sleep, so you decided to just let him be.

You hesitated a little as you reached your hand out to trace a soft line on his forehead, gently brushing away the loose locks of light blonde hair fallen on his closed eyes.

His breathing was calm and even, given how quickly he fell asleep he must’ve been really beyond exhausted.

You carefully slid your hand out of his hold, placing a little panda bear plushie on the spot where your hand was before quietly leaving your room and going back to the living room.

You plopped on the couch next to Earl Grey who, now laying there and playing with his little mouse plushie, seemed to already forget about what happened there earlier.

You intertwined your fingers, looking at some invisible point in the space of your four walls.

„He will drink the tea if I will like him, huh?” You said to yourself.

You shifted in your seat, sitting more comfortably and reaching your hand out to gently scratch your cat behind the ear.

„Well, about not liking him, it is actually just you who he should worry about, right Earl Grey?”

Your cat immediately looked at you, as if he understood clearly what you just said. He stopped playing with his plushie and softly bumped his head on your arm, looking in the direction of your room.

„You will give him a chance?” You asked, placing your hand on your cat’s little fluffy head.

You turned your head to look to the corridor yourself.

„Yeah, maybe I should too.”

A/N: leave me your thoughts!! don’t forget to reblog if you liked it!! 🤎

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loquaciousquark · 5 years

Note

Hi! I think I remember you posting about "making" your own computer? I'm sorry to bother you with something like this, but was it difficult? Would you say you have to know a lot about how computers work to do it? Thanks!

Heck yeah!!! Oh man!! Gosh guys can I talk to you about building computers and how EVERYONE willing to do some basic googling is almost certainly capable of this I promise?

Welcome to:

Okay okay okay so let me spin you a li’l yarn: I was in optometry school in 2010-2011ish and I had been living up to now on prebuilts, mostly laptops, but DA2 was recently out and gosh darn it I wanted something I could play a proper game on. A friend of mine had a 10yo daughter who wanted to build a computer herself, and he told me if I’d buy the parts, he’d walk both of us through how to do it (what really happened was the 10yo built my first computer and I watched and brought drinks, so–no, I wouldn’t say you have to know a lot about how computers work to do it!).

The physical requirements are some basic manual dexterity & arm strength (you gotta be able to manipulate some tiny things and put some pressure on some connections) and you will most likely need to lift up to 15 pounds, although you can limit that if you go for smaller components. The ability to bend forward and twist and reach will also probably be necessary, although some careful planning can also likely mitigate that.

I think I have pictures of the actual build process somewhere, but regardless, it resulted in this bad boy that served me well for about nine years. I was shocked to see how easy it was to put together, honestly; if you can follow a Lego assembly book, you can put a computer together. With tools like PCPartPicker that have built-in compatibility checks to make sure all your pieces fit, it’s a piece of cake to put together a parts list that you can feel really good about. You just pick whether you want your motherboard to come with fancy lights or not (hint: rgb is unironically cool & i’ll fight anyone who says otherwise).

In the end, you’ll need a set of basic components. You’ll need:

A case to put all the pieces in

A motherboard, the circuit board of the computer that connects everything, basically the heart of the computer

A CPU, the brain of the computer that determines processing power, or basically how fast it can do math and direct traffic

a CPU cooling system, which can be either mechanical fans or liquid cooling, gotta keep that baby chill; may or may not come packaged with the CPU depending on what you get

A graphics card (aka GPU), the thing that makes video games look pretty (and what will probably be the single most expensive item in the build depending on how good you go)

RAM, a short-term memory processing component that comes in different amounts (4gb, 8gb, 16gb, 32gb, 64gb if you’re a madman) depending on how fast you need your short-term memory to work. Good RAM allows you to do things like open a bunch of Chrome tabs at once, run Photoshop at the same time you’re listening to youtube videos, or process the demand of loading up a host of enemies in Mass Effect. Most everyone these days can get by just fine with 16gb of RAM, which is what I have.

a hard drive (or the new, faster, more expensive version, a solid state drive) which functions as your long-term storage bins. This is where you save documents, images, and install your programs. These come in tons of sizes–the larger your files are, the more storage space you’ll want. I always put at least a terabyte of storage in my builds.

a power supply unit or PSU, which gives the electrical juice for everything to run

a monitor (the more hertz, the smoother the video will be - you’ll want either 60hz or 144hz depending on how much your number of frames-per-second matter to you)

a keyboard and mouse

speakers or headphones or both!

Optional addons:

RGB lighting for everything :O

an optical drive (aka something to put DVDs, Blurays, or other physical CD disks into)

fancy liquid cooling pipes

additional case fans; most cases come with adequate fans, but if you are using the computer in a room with poor ventilation or you find that certain components are running hot, you can install additional fans

coincidentally you can also get fans with RGB lighting too

cable extenders when you are going for a specific color scheme

So it can definitely all look overwhelming at first, but when you start to look at how everything is laid out, you’ll notice some trends. Look at these motherboards, for example.

These are just four random motherboards I pulled off Newegg, a commonly used computer parts purchasing site. Sure, the colors are a bit different, but the layout between them��is all basically the same! Here, I’ll draw it out.

In just about every modern motherboard you buy, this will be the rough layout. Everything else is window dressing–what kind of GPU you get, what kind of CPU you get, whether your RAM lights up cool colors or not. Your motherboard will ALWAYS include a map that has extensive descriptions of what each connection does.

Much, much, much more under the jump!

Most of these you won’t even need!

There are always some compatibility things to consider–as I mentioned, PCPartPicker can help you figure out a lot of these–but the biggest one to care about is the CPU. There are two major companies that make CPUs, AMD and Intel. They both have pros and cons on the chips they make, but right now, AMD makes a family of CPUs called Ryzen that both outperform and are cheaper than Intel’s current leading brands, the i7 and i9 lines. Intel was king of the hill for a long time, though, and their CPUs are still really good quality, so some people still go with them over the cheaper alternatives for now. (There are some reports of black screens with the new Ryzen lines, but as I’ve never owned one, I can’t personally speak to how common that is.)

Regardless, once you pick which family of CPUs you want to go with, AMD or Intel, you just have to pick an Intel-friendly or AMD-friendly motherboard. This is always specified in the description of the motherboard. I own the Asus z370 motherboard, so here’s what it says in the description for CPU:

Anyway, once you’ve picked all your parts and had everything shipped to you, it’s literally just a plug-n-play, step by step until everything’s plugged in. Your motherboard manual will also include recommended order of installations, too, and often how to install them.

It helps to remember that the manufacturers of all these parts understand that they are expensive, and they really DON’T want to make them hard to install! Broken or difficult pieces during installation means that the customer is upset, and upset customers ask for refunds and lose brand loyalty.

It also helps to understand that a lot of these connections are based on certain standards–I didn’t realize until I was rebuilding my current machine that these holes set for screws really do work with just about everything you get, as long as it’s the same generation, because motherboard manufactures WANT you to have the flexibility to go any attachment brand you like and still be able to use their board to mount them.

So, you pick your case and open it up, and you put the motherboard down on top of all the little screw holes until they match, and then you screw all the screws down firmly.

Old rig, partially disassembled:

New, in approximately same state:

(One of the reasons I went with this larger white case than a smaller, slim case like my old one, is because this nicer case has what’s called “cable management;” that means there’s a built-in back area behind the motherboard where all my cables can be jammed without messing up the “aesthetic” of the glass window. My first build obviously did not have that, as seen in that first picture at the top of this post, so I had to just jam my cables wherever I could fit them so that the sides would close, haha.)

Anyway, you can see that the motherboard is just screwed in where it should be, and my CPU is already installed where it should be. I haven’t mounted the cooler for it yet because I needed to clean off the old thermal paste and install new thermal paste before doing so. My two sticks of RAM are also mounted in the top right in the motherboard’s recommended configuration & locations for two sticks (vs. one, vs. four).

Then, with the cooler in place, it looked like this:

So the cooler I have is liquid cooling in a closed system (the thick black tubes running right to left) which is attached to a fan that mounts in place of the white fan on the left from the previous picture. It was as simple as unscrewing the old fan and putting the new one in its place. I think I even used the same screws. The fan is powered by that thin cable running along the top of the case that plugs into a little socket on the motherboard labeled “CPU Fan.” It was as simple as just finding the right plug; it doesn’t even have directionality, just a three-pin socket, so it doesn’t even matter which way you plug.

Already it’s looking like a proper computer! And because this case has cable management, I took a picture of what it currently looked like from the backside.

This case is cool because it has a neat set of connectors mounted on the back of this little hideaway to connect the case fans. I could have run the white fan cables through to the front of the motherboard for them to get power/marching orders, but it was cleaner aesthetically to attach them here in the back. Nothing wrong with connecting them on the front, though–that’s what I did in my original build!

You also might have noticed I’ve mounted the PSU in that white case by now as well. It’s the large black and red box in the bottom corner, seen best from behind. The white case comes with what’s called a PSU shroud, which just means there’s a fancy white cover over it to keep the ~aesthetic~ when viewed from the front side.

The next step is to mount the graphics card!

There’s instructions in your manual as to exactly how these mount, but it really and truly is just removing the dust cover brackets where you need to, and then a delicate plug & play, pushing that big guy in until you hear the click! (Click good, snap bad. Haha. I’ve changed out these cards several dozen times and never broken one, though!)

You can also see the ugly red-tipped cables plugged into the GPU and the motherboard, both on the right side. These come from the Power Supply Unit (they are all permanently connected in most brands, and look basically like a squid’s tentacles–once you have your items mounted onto the motherboard, you just look for the connector from the PSU with the right number of pins and plug it in!)

This guy is the worst. He is fat and hard to maneuver and always requires SO MUCH FORCE to click into this delicate bendy board and your heart will ALWAYS be in your throat as your fingers shake from how hard you’re having to push to sink it, and it will ALWAYS eventually go in but you’ll hate every second of the doing. I hate you, 24-pin EATX. I hate you so much.)

The next thing I did was mount my optical drive (because yes, I still own one), my hard drive, and my solid state drive.

The hard drive and SSD both serve the same purpose (long-term data storage), but the SSD is much faster and uses newer technology. It’s also more expensive for the amount of storage you get, so I have a 256gb SSD that holds my operating system, my heavily-used programs like Firefox and Photoshop & Premiere, and one or two video games I play the most that I would like to load as fast as possible. This is the drive that can allow me to restart my whole system in less than five seconds.

The hard drive is 1.75 terabytes and holds everything else: fics, pictures, videos, music, other games, etc.They mount onto the racks with pre-drilled screws. The optical drive just slides into the socket snugly until it hits the back of the rack.

All of these use a standard connector called a SATA cable which runs between the back of the drive to a SATA socket on the motherboard. Most motherboards come with at LEAST six or seven of these connector slots, and some come with more. They look like this:

and are pretty universal. Any kind of extra storage or drive you want to add to your computer will probably connect with a SATA cable. I think my motherboard, my SSD & HD, and my case purchases all came with a pack of loose SATA cables of different lengths to be used for whatever I wanted.

The rack each drive is mounted to came installed with the case and pre-drilled with screw holes (and provided screws) for attaching either the HD or SSD in every slot. Because this case is all about aesthetic, it also comes with two vertical SSD mounts on the back of the case if you wanted to remove the right-side rack altogether, but as I mentioned, I have the optical drive, so I couldn’t go with that option.

So now we have all the major pieces mounted! The last set of connections are a collection of small fiddly pieces that all plug in roughly the same area and do things like light up the case’s LED, provide that startup beep, connect the USB sockets on the case’s front to power, etc. This is by far the section that takes me the longest because I guarantee I will ALWAYS plug at least two into the wrong socket and not have a beep, or my audio won’t work or something until I go back and reconnect them.

The next thing was to plug in my monitors and…see what happened when we hit the power button! (Monitor connections just plug directly into your graphics card in the back of the case.) And here’s what happened!

youtube

So it turned out when I was connecting my SSD (which has my OS on it), I was pushing on the little connector while sitting on the back side of the case. I thought I had the thing in the socket, but what I’d actually done was jam the connector just under the lip of the motherboard (that is, not connected to anything at all, just hanging in open space). Once I realized, though, it was an easy fix!

The last thing I wanted to do to complete the clean white look I wanted was to replace those UGHLY red PSU cables with what are called “cable extenders.” I bought some white ones on Amazon; because most PSUs’ cables are permanently attached at the box, you plug your cable extenders into the other end and then feed them through the case, so that’s the only portion visible. The ugly PSU cables are still there at the other end of the white cables, just hidden in the cable management area behind the motherboard.

I spent some time fixing up the cables to curve exactly how I wanted them to, then picked my LED RGB colors and closed up the open side with the glass wall. All that was left was to plug in my mouse/keyboard/speakers/headphones/mic/webcam, etc., and we were done!

Ta-daaaa!

The first build I did, the one in the blue & black case, took us about two days due to some unexpected problems. First, we were trying to salvage an old CPU from my HP prebuilt to save a little money. Unfortunately, they used basically no thermal paste to connect it to its fan, and when we were trying to get the fan off, it actually tore the CPU out of its socket and bent a bunch of its pins. I ended up going to Best Buy or something and getting a replacement off the shelf.

The other issue I had was that I foolishly didn’t back up my files, and lost a bunch of them in the rebuild (including my Hawke’s original run through the DA2 game :( :( :( ) Always back up your files before ever going in and messing with your case!

Over the years I replaced a bunch of components in it, which is why it lasted me so long, but the transfer into the new case only took me about three hours, and that was with a bunch of breaks throughout. I probably could have done it faster if I hadn’t wanted to savor it, haha. The cable management for the backless desk took a lot longer, though! (…and a LOT of zip ties.)

I do set my new build on a small glass stand (again, from Amazon) because Hamlet’s pretty sheddy and I wanted to keep airflow as good as possible. I’m limited on how many case fans I can install since I have the optical drive rack taking up a lot of space on the right, but I could install new fans on top if I wanted. My temperatures are great, though (I monitor with CoreTemp & GPUTemp, as well as my motherboard’s built-in temp monitoring software), so I don’t need to unless I decide I need more RGB.

Anything I might want to add, I run through PCPartPicker to make sure it’ll fit what I already have. For example, my parts list looks like this (full view and complete parts list available at this link):

ANYWAY.

If you are patient, if you can fit small Lego-like pieces in labeled sockets, and you are a decent googler, you can build your own PC. It’s really, really hard to do serious damage to components nowadays, even if you plug something in wrong. There’s a bunch of resources, though, and I’d recommend the following places to start:

newegg.com - parts for sale, getcher parts here

pcpartpicker.com - put your list of components together, and it’ll flag any compatibility issues or known problems

https://www.reddit.com/r/buildapc/ - great starting point for new builders, tons of advice and how-to’s for every step of the process, and a decently responsive community to help troubleshoot any issues you might have

And I obviously love doing this kind of thing, so if there’s anything I can help with, I’m more than happy to try! Just let me know, and I hope this was helpful!

#anonymous #quark replies #quark's pc tag #long post for ts #very long post for ts #lots o videos and pictures for ts #a quest for fps

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pluviophile-bookworm · 3 years

Text

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt. 5

Technically, I shouldn't be doing this right now. But who are we kidding? I miss my Wildcats and this seems like the only thing I can do to see them again right now. So here goes

1x8: The contractually obligated emotional rollercoaster

This episode sure is a lot... I don't know if I'm ready. But it makes no sense to skip this one. I never skip through stuff I love, even when some parts are borderline traumatising. Plus I remember this episode having a bunch of hilarious moments that are definitely worth it.

'I'm really not sure what to say' — Me neither, Miss Jenn, me neither. I'm just sitting here watching this and I know I'm supposed to comment, but I just can't think of what to say. Sometimes the silence just speaks for itself.

'The Lucky Ducky Puppet Pavilion' — I can never overlook that line. Not when I know how much it took for Matt to deliver it. Fun fact: one of my cats is called Lucky, so when his siblings were about to be born, I briefly considered naming them Ducky, Puppet and Pavilion as a joke.

Ah, the El Rey. The place where Miss Jenn totally did not suffer a professional heartbreak. Things are about to get real here. And by real I mean... real dramatic.

I've got to say, I love the duality of Big Red (well, I do love everything about him so that was a no-brainer, but still): doesn't know how to hang a light, but sure does know how to light up a room; amazing with power tools, but took three weeks to make a paper-mache basketball because he kept gluing his fingers together (that last part is far more relatable than I care to admit). I just love him, ok?

The way Carlos acts about Miss Jenn's box of production notes... honestly, I totally get it. I feel like if there's one person at that point who cares about the show much more than anyone else, it's him. And I fully understand why that is. That poor boy has been lonely for too long, and this show is giving him the chance to be part of an accepting community for what feels like the first time in a long time. Just... give my boy Carlito all the hugs.

For a place that allegedly hasn't been used in so long, the El Rey is not nearly dusty enough. I mean, you should see my room if I forget to hoover for longer than a week. And we're talking about years here. There's allegedly mould in that place, but I don't even see dust. Oh well, maybe I would, if it weren't for that lighting — or lack thereof, more like.

'Whatever it says in Miss Jenn's audition file, I am me, and that is the only me I need to be.' — A beautiful sentiment, my dearest EJ. Now maybe hold on to it for a while... just a suggestion.

'Lacks emotional connection to the material' — well, I do have to agree. My first impression of EJ when I was watching the first couple of episodes for the first time was that he was 'too polished to be Troy'. Too much Technician, too little Performer. And I do love my Performers over my Technicians.

Wait, is that a Redlyn background moment I see? I mean, everything is super chaotic and fast-paced, and my two ginger babies are just sitting together on the side of it all. Bonding, I assume. Good for them.

Seb being the only one to know why Natalie is absent, along with the two of them sitting together in 1x1, makes me think... Natalie and Seb are totally besties! I mean, he's basically besties with everyone he ever talks to, so... what can I say, that boy is sunshine incarnate. He deserves all the love and appreciation.

'I know how to hang... out' — gosh, I love this one. And I can only hope everyone was laughing with him, not at him. Because there's nothing to laugh at. My boy got dragged into this whole crew stuff, it's not his fault he doesn't know everything. He's more of an on-stage person than a backstage person anyway. Maybe put him in the spotlight next time and prepare to get your socks knocked off.

No, Ash, your baking club is not at all irrelevant! Honestly, I have nothing but immense admiration for how Ashlyn manages to be in the top two students most dedicated to theatre and do all those other extracurriculars. And she probably has a 4.-something GPA, too. I don't know what the Caswells are feeding their children, but I need it this instant.

'I just don't know how to make things light up' — 'You walk into a room?' — I just... this is one of my favourite Redlyn moments in the history of Redlyn. See, the thing about Ashlyn's line here is the tone in which she says it. She doesn't mean it as a compliment, but as a statement of the absolute truth. You can hear that in her voice. And with good reason, too, because she isn't lying at all. My boy Reddy sure does light up a room by walking into it. Both of them do, really. They're soulmates, you know.

'This place is not creepy at all...' — Yeah, and things between Ricky and Nini are not totally awkward at all, either. I'm living for this.

'I can do Troy!' — Sure you can, Eej. Sure you can. Emotional connection to the material and all.

Ok, but this entire scene... Carlos marking Gabriella's lines completely flatly, EJ emoting like he's in a freaking telenovela and also chopping onions... Carlos' reaction to the latter... I'm living for all of this.

Big Red just suddenly appearing next to Miss Jenn has me rolling... and also kind of wishing he could appear like that next to me too. I mean, it's not like I've visualised that so many times... certainly not every time I have to pass by a stray dog, or give a blood sample, or talk to people, or whatever... why do you ask?

'I never really loved the name Nina anyway' — listen, I relate to the sentiment of not being super fond of your given name, but... what was that stuff in s2 about, then? I mean, I do understand that too, but the two just seem to clash a bit, I reckon. That's all.

Also, can we talk about Rini's chemistry and how it's sometimes there and sometimes nowhere to be found? I think I've figured it out. Every time the chemistry is there, they're talking about or doing things that are not necessarily inherently romantic. Reminiscing about kindergarten, how they gave each other their nicknames, 'the ribbon in your hair, the secrets that we shared, the way that you would stare at me across the room' (yeah, I went there, and for a good reason)... see, Ricky and Nini have that kind of thing going on where, however hard you try, you just can't be indifferent to the other person. It's obvious that they love each other so much, but whenever they try to make it romantic, something goes south. What I'm saying is, when you're really good friends with somebody and you try to force it into something 'more', or better said, something else (because romance is not inherently 'more' than friendship and you can pry that out of my cold dead aro hands), and the operating word here is 'force', things are bound to go wrong and even reach toxic territory. And Rini are living proof of that. Some people are just better as friends, and sometimes the entire 'I don't want to ruin our friendship' trope is very valid. I just want them to be best buddies, is that too much to ask?

Bless Steph for pushing Kourtney forward when Miss Jenn needed someone to sing! Honestly, it's moments like these that make me feel like the background characters are criminally underrated. I realise not every character can be equally central to the plot, but with this cast, I kind of want them to be. I have the feeling that most, if not all of the one-line characters in this show are people with just as much talent and potential as the main cast. They deserve recognition, you know.

Going off of the above, Dara Reneé is living proof of the point I just made. You know how Kourtney was supposed to be a one-scene wonder with two lines? And then Dara showed up and hiding her in the background was instantly out of the question. I wonder how many more hidden gems there are in the show, just sitting in the background, delivering their single line and waiting their turn in the semi-metaphorical wings.

'I just need a minute, or a vacation, it's not clear' — Me, all the time. Especially after I read chapter 11 of @redlyncentral's Let It Go. That ending broke me. And this line by Miss Jenn just reminded me of that feeling, even if what she's feeling right now might not be the exact same thing I went through with that chapter the other day. That being said, everyone go check out my lovely friend's writing right now, I promise you it's worth every second.

'We're going to take a... long five' — What, no 'thank you, five'? I was expecting that. But I guess everyone is a little bit too distraught for that now.

I have to hand it to Carlos — even when he's very obviously uncomfortable and lowkey scared of some people, he just goes up to them and calls them out. I wish I could ever be bold enough to do that.

Wow, not EJ thrashing Carlos' 'forest of boys' idea. Again. I don't get why everyone dislikes it so much, I think it's brilliant visual poetry and should have been given a chance. I said what I said.

You know, everyone has been calling the show out for saying HSM premiered in the cinema, not on telly like it did in real life; and I have been agreeing with that sentiment. But notice how Miss Jenn said 'the Utah premiere' and how there were family and friends in the audience? What if that was some sort of semi-private screening for cast, crew and their family members? It would make sense. And of course, it was held in Utah because that was where the show was filmed and where the majority of background actors, dancers and extras are from. Idk, but it makes sense to me. Note that I have very limited knowledge of how the period between post-production and the release of a movie works.

Isn't Ashlyn the best, though, always noticing when someone is not ok, hearing them out, helping them... I wish I could be half as good a friend as she is. She and Big Red are totally soulmates in that, too. And they deserve each other more than anyone else deserves them, honestly. I just love both of them so much, both as individuals and as a couple, and I cannot be made to shut up about that just yet.

I've got to say, the entire 'me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me' - 'you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you' thing was super funny. And it makes me love Rini — strictly as friends — even more. You know, I think I used to ship them during s1 because the script wanted me to. Exactly like I didn't notice Big Red until midway through the season because the script didn't want me to. Sometimes the script, the acting, the directing and other stuff has immense power over viewers' perception of a show's plot and characters. And that is, as I always point out, what rewatches are for — noticing things that may have escaped you the first time over.

Yeah, so Nini was Ricky's first crush. So what? Many people have had crushes on their best friend at some point or another. That doesn't necessarily mean they're better off as a couple than they are as friends. The opposite idea is just amatonormativity speaking. I mean, sometimes it's nice and it works out; I love me some well-written best-friends-to-lovers, but that's just not always the case and the media should stop pushing the idea that platonic relationships are in any way inferior to romantic ones.

I've got to say I really don't like it when someone interrupts two people's romantic moment (and Big Red is not exempt from my frustration in such cases even though I love him so much — just think of the In a Heartbeat scene), but honestly, bless Reddy for not letting Ricky and Nini kiss. I mean, I know full well they do kiss later on (and how!), but it's just nice to have semi-platonic Rini for a while. If and when we get season 3 (manifesting!), I really hope we get more of them putting some stuff behind them and just being best buddies.

Kourtney and Seb's friendship is honestly goals and I really wish we'd got some more of it. Just another thing to add to my season 3 wishlist. Along with, you know, an actual season 3.

EJ saying all those nice (and very true) things to Carlos has my heart (or, well, he's renting it temporarily from Redlyn and Seblos, but you know). And Carlos really was like 'A for effort, C for execution', and I adore him for that. But EJ is seriously growing. He's pretty much reached EJ 1.8 at this point, and I love to see it.

Say what you want about the Lucas Grabeel dream sequence, but I love, love, love it. Completely unironically. I mean, he's kind of my favourite OG cast member. And the 'I'm more of a Glinda' comment referencing Kate Reinders actually being one of the BWay Glindas? Here's a note from when I first watched 1x1: The drama teacher won’t stop spilling her coffee and I love her. Also, her actress was Glinda on Broadway, so I stan. See, I didn't even know Miss Jenn's name yet and I already loved her. But then she went and did some stuff in s2 and ruined all of that. Add 'proper Miss Jenn redemption' to my s3 wishlist, I guess. But I'm getting off-track (when am I not?)

I only just noticed that all of the iconic BWay leads mentioned in the song (sans Glinda, of course, but that wasn't even a proper part of the song) start with an E. I wonder if that was on purpose or a lucky accident...

'And you never know when you'll get a cameo...' — If anyone in the HSM franchise knows anything about making the most of a cameo, it's Lucas. I'm referring to his post-credits scene in Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure, of course. That is one of my absolute favourite scenes in the entire movie. Well, that and The Rest of My Life. I very unironically love that number.

Another thing on the list of things I very unironically love — the transitions both into and out of this scene. I just think they're neat.

Have I mentioned before how much I love it that Carlos' response every time someone asks where he has to be is 'Broadway'... it just reminds me a lot of Seb's 'Friendship!' — that's some soulmate stuff right there, if you ask me.

'I just... almost did something really stupid' — Yes, Nini, yes it was very stupid. And you're going to do it anyway. You wouldn't if I had any say in this, but I don't and so here we are. In a world where Rini are a romantic thing, Redlyn get 5 minutes of screentime in s1 and two major moments demoted to post-credits scenes, Seblos haven't even properly discussed their issues, and Portwell didn't even kiss on screen. I lowkey hate it here. Still, I feel like things are going in the right direction. If we get a season 3, that is — and we better be getting it, or I will riot and I know I won't be the only one.

No but... just imagine if Kourtney hadn't called YAC for Nini, but for herself. There's so much potential there... and I think Kourtney and Ashlyn deserved that spot every bit as much as Nini did, and then some. I said what I said.

Well, this was 1x8. This post is already way too long, plus I want to do a double feature of the last two whenever I get to rewatching them, so I'm ending this here. It was just as much of a journey as I remembered it being, and not nearly as negative as I had the feeling it would be. I absolutely loved it, you know. And with good reason too.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts: the rewatch #ricky bowen #nini salazar-roberts #ej caswell #ashlyn moon caswell #big red redonovich #carlos rodriguez #seb matthew-smith #kourtney greene #hsmtmts miss jenn #redlyn

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