#so glad i have some stranger to explain to me that my abuse was a bad thing i definitely didn't know that already 🙃

[lightlycareless]

Imagine: naoya and y/n have been happily married for years, and y/n has Lesley Gore's "You don't own me" as ringtone because it makes naoya so embarrassed, he would be like "love, I have already apologized 🥺"

PS: love your work, you alone are making justice to naoya's character. Your characterization of him is canon in my mind.

Hello!!!

Awww this is 🥺 man I feel so bad for him haha. But it's true, once everything is healed and nice, this man will still feel that he could never make up for his mistakes 😭 you'd be there to reassure him, though :) ❤️

Anyways, I've decided to apply some creative... differences to this. Mainly because I wanted to get really angsty with it mwahahahahahahah (also, it's not noted here, but there are some things that will remind her of those days, so she will avoid anything that might make her remember that. The two are in love, but... it's a difficult path. but trauma always is.)

Also, thank you so much for your lovely words!! I do try my best :') I'm so glad that you liked my characterization!! This man is capable of more... under the right circumstances 🤭

warnings: a bit of angst. naoya is deeply regretful. you're supportive. mentions of abuse (not really, but something bad is implied)

happy reading!

“—this is why I don’t like going out with you. Nothing ever seems to be of your liking!”

“If you have such a bad time with me, then why don’t you leave?!”

“I might as well!”

Naoya was never one to overhear gossip (coming from strangers, that is.). Thought it to be incredibly boring, dull, mundane, especially from civilians. What could they even experience? Their boring 9-5 job? Yeah, no thanks.

Yet, something about this conversation didn’t elude his attention like it used to, and before he knew it, when he was once focused on your voice, he was now nothing but attentive to the hurtful words of the couple nearby.

They weren’t directed at him, obviously, nor did they refer to anything he could take personally…

But the weight of his past makes it impossible for him to look beyond his own guilt, instinctively attaching their words to his own actions. Like he was the one they were discussing.

Naoya knows he was a… less than desirable man at the beginning of this marriage. He doesn’t claim otherwise, he can’t, since there are still many things to make amends for…

Things that he knows he’ll never be able to; for the atrocities he committed to you… they’re unspeakable. Even with the promise he made to spend of the rest of his life making it up to you, one he doesn’t intend to let go.

But… will he ever amount to it? Can he do so?

…

He’d rather die trying, than never at all.

“Another one?” You ask when he suggests going to another store. The two had come on a date at a shopping mall, intending to pick up some things needed for the apartment, alongside enjoying each other’s company; Naoya’s work had been quite demanding as of lately, and he intended to get his dosage of you, enough to cover a whole month. “But I thought you wanted to head back already…?”

“Yes, but then I thought we’d make the best of our visit here before leaving instead. Who knows when we’ll be back?”

“Oh, well… if that’s what you want…” you frown, a bit unsettled by his sudden change, which was only to worsen.

“No! I mean—we can do that too if you want to.” Naoya interjects.

“You’re not making much sense…”

“What I mean to say is that we can do whatever you want.” He scurries to explain. “Just say the word and I’ll do it.”

“I... don’t have anything in mind, really. Going home sounded good.”

“Are you sure? We can go somewhere else too. You know I have no limitations.”

“I think I’m done for the day—”

“Home it is. Would you like the estate, the apartment, or your parents’ house?”

“My parents house?? But that’s—that’s on the other side of the country!” you gasp; and while you’re always appreciative of Naoya’s willingness to go above and beyond, this was actually a bit… excessive—and that’s saying a lot coming from him!

“And?”

“What do you mean and? We can’t just hop on a plane and leave!”

“Of course we can.” He corrected. “We can leave right now if you want.”

“Again with the—Where did this come from?? Is everything alright, Naoya? What’s gotten into you??”

“Nothing! Is it wrong to want to please you, too?” Naoya frets.

“Too?” you repeat. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s—It’s nothing. Just tell me what you—”

“No, it is important. It has to be if it’s affecting you like this!” you cry. “Tell me, Naoya. Please. I thought we agreed we could tell each other everything!”

“It’s nothing you don’t know already.”

“Like what?” you frown. “What do I already know?? You’re not making any sense!”

“That I don’t deserve you!” he condemns. “That I’ve done terrible things to you that I can never erase, no matter how much I try—and that perhaps you’d be infinitely happier with someone else; someone… that isn’t me.”

Even with the large, noisy sounds of the lively mall, silence manages to quickly engulf the two soon after, drowning you in the pain Naoya’s unexpected words gave you, piercing your heart and the hope you’ve placed for the future of this relationship.

One created with the notion that everything bad had been left in the past, ready to move on… only to realize, it wasn’t that easy to do so. Suddenly coming back, in the most unwanted, painful way you could’ve imagined—seemingly unprompted, but equally damaging to Naoya’s sentiments.

“That’s… that’s not true.” You eventually murmur, looking at him, while Naoya’s eyes remain glued to the floor. “None of what you’re saying is true.”

Then why do I keep feeling this way?

“… you don’t… believe that… do you?” You continue, managing to get a glimpse of his face, which reflected nothing but sadness and disbelief towards your words.

“It seems like all I do is hurt you.” Naoya laments. “No matter how much I try, I’ll never be able to escape—"

“Don’t say that—that’s not who you are.” You interject, stepping closer to him. “We’ve come a long way from where we began, you’re not that same man from before.”

“But I keep making the same mistakes, I keep hurting you.”

“It’s not easy to leave behind what you thought normal for all your life—or to accept them as mistakes…” you take his hand. “So, when you do fall back into your old ways, but bounce back right up… It shows you’re trying. It shows you’re regretful and want to do better.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“I know.” He lifts your gaze to yours; you place your other hand just above his cheek, giving him a soft smile. “And… I know you don’t do it intentionally. I’ve seen your heart, the pain you went through and how it affected you. But I also saw what you’re capable of, the love you’ve harbored, how you longed to share it, and… how lucky I am to be the one to earn it.”

“…I’m the lucky one.” Naoya leans into your touch. “To have found a wife so compassionate…”

“We’ve both done things we’re… not proud of. But that doesn’t mean we’re eternally bound to them. As long as we’re regretful and strive to do better… it’s all that matters.”

“But when is enough?” Naoya murmurs. “When will I stop feeling like this?”

“I don’t know. There are some things we can’t stop, we simply… learn how to live with them.” You admit. “I wish it was possible.”

He frowns, looking away.

“But I do know one thing, though.”

“…What is it?”

“That I love you. With your faults and virtues—and everything in between. Is what makes you, you, Naoya.” You giggle, he gives you a tight smile. “And I’ll spend my whole life telling you that until you believe it yourself!”

He chuckles; seems that both have made lifelong promises that neither intends to forget anytime soon.

“I love you too.” Naoya professed. “Thank you for everything. You’ve given me so much, probably even more than what I deserved—that I’ll spend my whole life making it up to you.”

“You don’t have to, Naoya. You only deserve more.” You reassure him. “But really, you don’t need to make it up to me! As long as you remember the love we have for each other, and that I’ve long forgiven you, is enough for me.”

At your words, the tears Naoya was trying his best to hold back finally slide down his cheeks, which you quickly wipe away with your thumbs, before giving him a smile and pulling him closer for a peck on the lips.

“Everything is going to be fine.” You promised, he looks back at you. You kiss him again, taking him into your arms and hugging him. “If you don’t mind me asking, however… what happened that made you feel this way? Did I do something?”

Naoya sighs, resting his chin on the top of your head.

“No, never. It was just something stupid, actually. Some people arguing, that’s all.”

“Oh.” You blink, quickly understanding why he’d feel insecure about your relationship; the familiarities were too close for comfort. “That’s… unfortunate.”

“It reminded me of how we used to be… how I’d treat you.”

“That is long gone. We’ve worked past that and now, we’re in a much better place.” You snuggle against him. “Both figuratively and literally.”

“Do you still want to go home?”

“Yeah, all this shopping made me tired. Unless there’s something else you wanted to see?”

“No, I was mostly suggesting things for you. I’ve been feeling tired for a while too, now.”

“We can arrange something else for another day, then. For now, I just want to head back home, lay on the futon, cuddle underneath the covers, and maybe watch a movie… how does that sound?” you grin. “I can even prepare some popcorn, if you’d like!”

He chuckles.

“It sounds wonderful.”

Just like his new life with you. Something he never thought he’d receive, nor deserved, at least in the beginning of his marriage.

Until you proved to him otherwise, showing him that the ways of his clan, those forcefully imposed on him, didn’t determine who he was, who he could become.

That he had much more power over his life, the ultimate decision on what to do remained on him and no one else.

It was to be a difficult path, one promising bumpy roads, which will probably never end if he were to be realistic…

But it’s just as you said. As long as both know, deep inside, that they’re doing their best to overcome these obstacles, as well as remembering that they’re always there for the other, alongside their ever-growing love… nothing else mattered.

It was you and Naoya against the world.

And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

🥺 I believe Naoya will always feel undeserving, even when they have a kid together and whatnot. He comes from a very difficult family, so be prepared to face these kinds of situations when in a relationship with him 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

omg i can imagine it already, when he's super old, reflecting on his life he had alongside you, his kids, and probably grandchildren too... only then will he finally admit he's happy with the life he had. jfc i'm crying goodbye.

Anyways, I know I deviated a bit from your imagine, but I still hope it was to your liking! the angst between the two is real, but so good too....

As always, thank you so much for sending in this! Take care, and hope to see you soon!!

[scarrletmoon]

it's izzy hands it's kylo ren it's billy from stranger things it's snape it's draco it's loki circa 2012-2014 it's a REPEATED PATTERN throughout all of fandom of an antagonistic white guy getting a devoted fanbase that is both disproportionate to his importance in the story and also misunderstands the white guy's role as an antagonist. they think their mean little guy is a misunderstood victim and they base their entire fandom experience around him. and then in season 2 ofmd went and redeemed izzy before killing him off to further ed's arc, something that is a solid choice from a technical writing standpoint but from a fandom perspective it built the izzy fans up into thinking they were right about how izzy has never been homophobic, izzy is a poor downtrodden abuse victim, and from day one izzy has been a protector and the only competent guy around and a loyal and dutiful first mate. and possibly the most significant part is that so many izzy fans have accidentally and unknowingly tricked themselves into thinking that izzy is a main character bc their fandom engagement revolves so heavily around izzy that they forgot the actual show itself doesn't, so they were completely blindsided by a death that has been foreshadowed since season one ("im not dying, not for that twat and not for you" and "only retirement we get is death" and the whole "plumb the depths, man" sequence where izzy was talking to stede through a death shroud ffs). and i want so bad to just ignore it but we literally got a queer romcom centered around an interracial couple and an incredibly diverse cast and an indigenous main character and a diverse writer's room and the season ended on a happy note and it's all about queer joy AND YET. soooooooo much of the post-season discussion has to center around the white side character!!! even in death izzy hands takes up a disproportionate amount of the fandom conversation and im exhausted. it's every fandom! every fucking time!! this isnt anything new this is the same time-honored fandom tradition of white man favoritism YET A-FUCKING-GAIN and im SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!!

(i get so scared when i turn on anon bc i’ve consistently gotten such shitty, cowardly messages through it but i’m glad this isn’t one of them lmao)

i know i’ve said this 374748 times but the last time i made the kylo ren/snape/white villain connection on twitter (i mean that’s on me, it’s twitter) i had people legit furious with me for calling them nazis which………..i literally never said

and i get the frustration. trust me, I GET IT. the white villain problem smashes right into white fragility and makes it almost impossible to talk about any of it. it means, like you said, that we’re talking about a fucking white side character in cast of amazing, nonwhite talent, because some people can’t handle confronting the fact that whiteness insulates them from the realities of racism, and that their ignorance and hostility makes them active participants in white supremacy

(and it’s really hard to explain this to people who’ve been taught that racism is when slurs and white klan hoods, because then they’ll say and do the most vile shit and CRY or fight you when you gently try to explain the racist shit they just did)

and because fandom is very queer as well as very white, we also have to contend with the kinds of white people who think that queerness somehow negates their whiteness. that they can’t express their privilege in contexts involving POC. that we’re making shit up to be victims and to minimize their pain on purpose. and time and time again, i have had my queerness erased by white people, so they feel comfortable ignoring criticism i only ever shared bc i was hoping for something better

i’ve said it again and again and again and AGAIN that it’s ESPECIALLY depressing seeing white people close ranks in ofmd fandom especially BECAUSE it has such a diverse cast and doesn’t shy away from discussing racism in all the ways it manifests. like, most of the racism in the show isn’t even subtle and y’all STILL elected to ignore it? do y’all not feel ANY shame about that?

and some of them don’t! bc they think we’re infiltrators. bc they’re only a few steps removed from “they will not replace us” as they see more POC try to join fannish spaces. and they’ll pretend they’re not trying to push us out bc they’re marginalized in other ways — deliberately ignoring the fact that they’re also crushing their fellow queer, disabled and marginalized community

so you’re tired? yeah. me the fuck too. we deserve so much better

[floosies]

Where The Boys Are

Mob!Steve Harrington x oc!fem reader

Fic warnings: violence, mentions of weapons, mentions of substance/verbal abuse, smut, cursing, angst, strangers to lovers (18+)

dedicating this chapter to @bettyfrommars whose fic i'm on fire gave me a lot of inspiration to do a story like this, and because i love the way she writes violence. also the way she made me fall in love again with lengthy chapters.

Part Four: Bad Boy

They'd let the time pass, she was mostly herself again. Though he kept having to calm her down. Holding her and whispering that her parents wouldn't be mad. He was figuring out how he'd twist the truth this time. Nothing new, just the usual white lies and hopefully the assignment given to him to handle this kid. He wanted his second shot at this, one where the guy would be sober and wouldn't collapse without learning his lesson first.

He could see her visibly shaking as they walked to her front door. As gently as he could sound, he assured her, "everything is going to be okay sweetheart. I promise they won't be mad at you. I'm going to make sure of it." Steve knocked on the door, Mia looked at the floor, her mind racing and scared. As soon as her father opened the door and his eyes met his daughter's, Mia broke down, her arms wrapping around her father's bigger frame, frantically apologizing as he stood there entering some sort of surprise. Her father looked over her to Steve, who looked back at the man with a knowing look.

Her mother heard her from upstairs, her voice frantic trying to understand what was happening. Taking control of the situation, her dad got her to go upstairs with her mom and get cleaned up then head to bed. Then he motioned for Steve to follow him to his office. Steve didn't smoke that often but this had been some night, his boss could tell. They sat down as Steve continued to smoke his cigarette, his boss didn't waste any time, "who the fuck am I killing?" Steve shook his head, before explaining everything while skipping over other parts. To say the older man was enraged would be an understatement. Of course Steve suggested, "boss, listen I spoke to the kid at her party and already handled him tonight, let me just finish with the mess I made." He knew his boss would buy it, because it was technically his mess. Still the man pretended to contemplate it, then he spoke, "don't make a spectacle alright I don't want any people on my back about this." Steve smiled, putting his cigarette out on the ash tray, "of course."

True to his word, he'd planned this thing like a mad man. Even figured out the kid's schedule. They say anger is one of those things that either dies out or consumes you. Well Steve was drowning in it; he hadn't felt the way he felt last night in some years. Seeing Mia running into the street like that made something in him snap, a girl like that suddenly becoming into a scared little thing. He'd known from the jump she could do better, it wasn't right that she had to learn that the way she did. Then to hear that the guy was shoving her around like ragdoll, he was glad he was getting a second chance at him now.

Steve pulled up to the school's parking lot, it'd been some time since he'd walked on that asphalt but even now, he felt like he owned the place still. Practice was ending, it was ironic, the night before the kid was drunk as could be and now he was trying to trot his way around the football field. Soon as he saw him, he headed towards him, "Kevin man I just wanna talk. Promise." He said with a smile, his hands in the air to put on more of a show. The guy's eyes were wide as plates practically, of course the kid knew he was fucked, but that was his own undoing.

He waited around, talking about bullshit, hell he even entertained the old coach. Until everyone cleared, leaving them two in the parking lot next to Kevin's car, he would give him that much of a kindness. Steve had been smoking a cigarette, which he put out the second it was just the two of them, "so last night.." the younger boy immediately started rushing words out, "listen man I really don't remember that much. I heard so much shit and I probably deserve it. I didn't even get a chance to give Mia her sweater back. I'm really sorry if I hurt her feelings." Steve was beyond amazed that the fucker really was gonna go through with this story.

Scoffing, he shook his head, "you really don't remember shit? Geez that's a shame kid, because you're right you should be sorry." Then came the first punch straight to the gut. Bent over in initial pain gave Steve access to give one to the head. The kid fell over onto the ground now, "you put your fuckin hands on her" Steve remembering how frightened Mia looked as she told him how he pushed around.

Kevin tried to get some punches in but it was useless. Steve was older and heavier, he'd fought men tougher than this kid. Moreso, he was pissed that this arrogant prick tried to humilate his girl. His knucles were red and cut up some from somewhat missing and hitting the gravel at times, but his anger still surged through, "I told you last night what I'm gonna tell you right now." He grabbed him by the shirt, "you had one shot and you fucked yourself over." It was over but he still kicked him in the back final, "consider this your final warning from me and her father. Go near her? You're dead." Maybe it was too far but he spit on him, "and if anyone asks you had an accident." All he heard were groans of pain as he walked back to his own car.

His boss was more than thrilled to hear that the matter had been dealt with and Steve was more than satisfied to finally do what he should have done the moment he was first introduced to the kid. Henderson said that on Monday he didn't show up, but the rumor was he had gotten robbed and left badly beaten. Who started the rumor? Who knew and who cared. All that Steve cared about was that there were no loose ends to tie, he knew that little shit wouldn't squeal. Everything else that had happened at that party was already a disappearing haze anyways.

-

Mia however, had spent her weekend locked up in her room, she had taken down all the photos she had with him. Everything she had known was gone now. Her friends called her the morning after, trying their best to cheer her up or help her see the bright side of being single. It wasn't so much so that she was upset about being broken up with. It was the implication that she was frigid, that she had been a bore the whole way through. He had cheated on her, she had done everything for him and he repaid her with the worst betrayal.

Monday came around, Mia still remained locked up in her room, her parents tried to get her to go to school, but she'd mentioned that her friends were going to give her whatever homework and notes she'd missed. Her mother had tried to get her to go shopping with her for groceries as a means to get some fresh air, even that she refused. There was a shame she wasn't escaping, she'd rather stay home for the rest of her life if she could.

There was a knock at the front door, it was still early morning, both of her parents weren't home. She went to the kitchen as quietly as she could and grabbed a knife before going heading to the door. From behind the living room window's curtain she looked to see who it was. She saw Steve standing there, her heart was still racing but not as much as it had been a moment go. She went to open the door placing the knife on the console table by the door way.

As she opened the door, he smiled at her, "how ya been sweetheart." She shrugged not really wanted to talk, her eyes caught sight of his bandaged hands, "what happened?" She asked quietly, concern still showing through as she took his hands into hers. He shrugged, "work is work ya know nothing too crazy, I'm okay hun." She didn't believe it of course, but she knew it wasn't her place to ask him anything deeper than that.

Still quietly she asked, "what are you doing here? My dad should be at his office." He gave her a small smile, "yeah he said your ma had cleaned my blazer." Her eyes widened, "oh my gosh your blazer! I'm so sorry I meant to give you-" with a small laugh he cut her off, "you're fine bambi. It looked good on you anyways." She smiled then scrunched her face, "bambi?" He shrugged, "your eyes got all big like the deer in the movie." She rolled her eyes, moving away from the door she points for him to enter "get in the house. I'll go get your blazer." Before he could mutter out some faux apology, she ran up the stairs. That's when he noticed the knife on the table.

Was no one on watch duty? He looked out the window again trying to find a familiar car, someone always needed to be on watch for his boss' place of work and home. He heard her footsteps coming back, one hand on the railing and the other holding his blazer, he spoke without thinking, "were you holding this knife before you saw it was me?" She was on the final step of the stairs, her eyes following to where his hand was placed on top of the kitchen knife. Mia wasn't sure what to say, "yes?" He took a moment to think, "why aren't you in school? Also where is your mother?" She sighed, beginning to quietly mutter out "I don't want to be seen like this, I didn't feel like going today." Handing him his blazer she continued, "my mom'll be back soon, she went to go get the groceries." It was his turn to sigh now, "where's your house phone? I gotta make a call." She showed him the phone on the wall in the kitchen and then went to sit in the living room.

Mia could hear the whole conversation, he was talking to someone who obviously wasn't either of their fathers, his answers sounding annoyed at first and then pissed off. She knew by the midst of it that it was because no one was watching the house, she'd met all the guys who usually are on watch, but no one must have been out there today. Here he was again, worrying about her, watching over her. Some guy who had previously been just a local celebrity now was concerned for her wellbeing. Still she knew better than to make something out of nothing, her father was his boss, if anything he was probably trying not get chewed out for not calling out the problem.

She heard when he hung up the phone, his loud steps in the quiet house somehow carried all the frustration his face wasn't showing. He sat down on the opposite side of the couch, his face turning towards her, "listen I'm going to wait here til she gets back okay?" She didn't want this to last, sure he had been nothing but kind to her, but it didn't need to keep going, "Steve i'm perfectly capable of locking the door and -" "what? stabbing someone with a kitchen knife? Nope. Your father would kill me if I left you alone. He thought someone was watching the place." It was always odd talking about the life they lived, she didn't say anything afterwards.

There was silence for a while, occasionally the two would look at each other, but curiosity got the cat. Steve bit the bullet and broke the silence, "what did you mean I don't wanna be seen like this?" The question lingering in the air for a moment. She didn't wanna think about it again, but here it was. Avoiding his gaze completely she looked at her nails and hands, "he embarassed me in front of the whole student body practically. In front of the football team and my friends; he told them all how he cheated on me because I didn't wanna do him." The anger Steve had hoped died out when he beat the everloving shit of the guy had come back, "Mia you did nothing wrong. Hell you fuckin got him on the varsity team. With all due respect that fucker should have been singing your praises." She couldnt help but to smile a bit, "you sound like Jenny and Suzie."

He shrugged, "well they're right too. From the moment I met that kid I regretted trying to help him out." She thought back to her birthday, then she thought some more, "he said he was going to break up with me on my birthday. D-did you know anything about that?" Suddenly it was quiet again, he was thinking if it was worth it in this moment to say yes but his silence spoke for him, "you fuckin knew?!" Her hands go to swat at him, but he easily takes both her small arms in his bigger hands, "hey! I told him he was a fuckin idiot if he tried that shit. Imagine what your dad would have done to him then and there. I knew you deserved better. I even told you when we talked that night." Her eyes were glossy now, she said it without thinking, just feelings spiraling and swirling in her head, "you should have just ran me over that night."

Before she could even react to what was happening, his hand roughly cupped her jaw. Her eyes meeting his serious yet hurt expression, "don't you ever. Ever. Fuckin say that shit again. Do you hear me little girl?" She'd never been in this position before, it wasn't fear of him, it was fear of what would come from this. Still he didn't move, his hand still holding her gaze to his, "did I make myself clear?" His voice deep and unwavering, she nodded, "words bambi." Not trusting her voice but not wanting to be like this she answered as best she could, "I won't say that again."

The moment he let go of her she started crying, but yet she found herself once again holding onto him for comfort. Mia knew it was wrong, but she kept telling herself he would only be a friend and nothing more. Never anything but a friend. When her mom got home he helped her bring the groceries in, thanking her for cleaning his blazer and apologized that no one had been there to keep watch of Mia.

She had already gone back up to her room locking herself away again. Only now she stared at his phone number that he written down for her on one of her notebooks with the promise that he would drop her off at school the next morning to put anyone he needed to in their place. The rest of the night she would fixate on his writing, on how he held her, how she now had his number, but still she should know better. He was a friend and nothing more, it was her mantra as she planned her outfit for school the next day. Nothing but friends, yet she wanted to wear her best perfume, here it was the one thing she had swore she would never want or do.

Taglist: @xxhellfirebunnyxx

[soldier-poet-king]

i am going to kill everyone in this house and then myself HOLY FUCK

everytime im like 'yeah okay maybe bro 1 isnt THAT awful and we can have a single discussion that's not about anime without fighting' he pulls this shit

bro3, a young teen, asks a question about the new(ish) vacant house tax in the city, aiming to help pop the godawful housing bubble. IMMEDIATELY bro1 goes on a fuckin screaming rant about how the govt is evil and taxes are evil and literally quotes the ron swanson parks and rec sandwich bit yes the one DELIBERATELY EXAGGERATED AND SIMPLIFIED FOR COMEDY

and i, try, calmly to ask how he would like to fix things instead. he brings up a bunch of republican & libertatian states as 'havens' from tax. i ask how he would like public services to be funded. he replies that he doesn't want them funded. i ask why then he uses public services. he insists he doesnt, and 'as long as i have a job in the states i have healthcare'. ok. putting aside the obvious issues with workplace-tied insurance (which canada is not free from!! our health system is ALSO a shitshow. it is just MILDLY less so in some respects.) I ask about public infrastructure that he cannot avoid using, like ROADS. he yells and genuinely has a FIT. YELLING. like the apathetic guy who does not ever have emotions is fuckin YELLING at me about taxes. this man clearly has way too much fucking time online.

and THEN, i bring up the 'idk how to tell you we should care about other people' wrt public services that serve a greater good but that he might not necessarily use directly (education, libraries, childcare, senior care, social assistance, etc). and he straight up 'i dont care about other people. i dont care about strangers'. and bro 3 AGREES WITH HIM. this tiny baby child who i have practically raised as my own kid half the time and have tried SO HARD to impart a measure of kindness in this godawful house. agrees with him

and bro1 finishes it off with 'if someone has a second house, they deserve it' as if i didnt just finish explaining about social services and how rich people 99% of the time acquire wealth unethically and at the expense of the poor and how the wealth gap is only increasing and how yeah sure in an ideal world everyone would give freely, but as he literally just finished explaining to me while complaining about 'the liberals', people are corrupt and selfish, and so instituting things with widespread tax funded programs is going to help a lot more people than just oh let's hope these instinctively selfish rich people acquiring money thru unethical means take pity on the poors this year. like. we KNOW that doesnt work. my solution isn't perfect by any means but it passes on the slim margin of being NOT AS BAD AS IT CURRENTLY IS

i genuinely do NOT understand how anyone has so little disregard for the concept of a greater good, of societal health, of caring for people NOT yourself. how can he be SO selfish and yet still enjoy, and DEMAND, so much of the luxuries he enjoys in a developed country which historically and at present has profited off of various forms of exploitation!!! like!! bitch!!!!

not to be like im glad his 4yr relationship ended bc his gf deserves way better (for various reasons, not just his shitty politics, but this is pretty emblematic of his personality at large) + his friends are all shitty and terrible people and hes lowkey abusing alcohol and weed bc of them + he needs to get offline and go to a monastery for his health. but like. i AM saying that.

[gremlin-writes-angst]

Knowing is Safe Ch.3

2858 words

Fandom: Redacted ASMR/ Redacted Audio / Redactedverse

Couple: Cutie/Geordi

TW/CW: Parental Emotional abuse/ Neglatful parents/ Divorce / Anxiety/ Paranoia / Talk of Non-consensual mind reading

Let me know if I missed a trigger.

This timeline is different than the original so I'll explain it

First the video "Your boyfriend asks for your trust" and then Knowing is Safe Chapter 1 is what's going through cuties mind that night/ video. Knowing is Safe chapter 2 is a couple weeks later. Then the video "Your Boyfriend final draws the Line" and about three months later Knowing is Safe chapter 3.

Don't be afraid to give me constructive criticism or point out my mistakes, I want to improve.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

Click here if you want to see more of my work and follow me for more!

It wasn't the first time.

And yet every week, every Saturday, when you saw him, in front of that building. always dressed semi-formally. A button-up tucked into some nice pants. With his lips downturned, not a full frown but it still pained you to see it.

When he sees you it changes. His face fills with love before quickly disappearing again. 

You hold onto that second of love. You have to. It's why you're here.

No

It's why you started

Now it's for you

As you get closer to him, he backs away.

He's running away

He can't stand you

He's scared of you

You breathe, deep. You recognize your thoughts as anxiety. That's the first step. 

You take a moment and watch as he grabs the door and holds it open for you.

A gentleman, he's always been

"You first."

You smile and then duck your head slightly. Not wanting him to see the pain in your eyes.

Geordi approaches the receptionist, he's always the one who checks in.

You still find it scary. To express to this almost stranger that you and Geordi need outside help.

You know he knows that, you never told him but, he knows you.

He loves you

Does he?

He does.

" They'll call us when they're ready."

He tells you before sitting a chair away.

I want him

Why won't he sit next to me?

You know why 

It's your fault

It is

Your names are called, and you both follow the therapist down to the same room as always. Geordi makes small talk. 

He's changed

He's more sociable

I'm glad

He seems to like it

Like clockwork you and Geordi sit on one couch, each at a different end

Too far

For you

He needs the space

He deserves the space

You deserve the space.

"Have you two decided if you're ready for the memory extraction? It is often very emotional, we discussed last session how it works and why we do it. It's always up to you."

"I'm ready."

You typically aren't this outspoken in theory, but you've been wanting this for a while, you recall how your therapist explained memory extraction as a way for them to help you understand your own memory. She explained that most people are blinded by their own memories because it's the only life they've lived so everything seems normal, even when it's not.

You never can quite understand your memories or yourself. You always preferred others, to the point it became an addiction. one that harms your thoughts, feelings, and memories. Along with harming Geordi. Someone you never want to hurt.

"Okay then, I'll get started."

Mom!!

Mom!!?

Please!

Please open the door.

You were knocking on your own house door. Crying from fear, shame, and confusion. All you did was go out with your friends, with her permission for a few hours.

That's not why she locked you out

What?

You blocked her, of course, she's mad

Remember what happened to Lanie? 

Blocking was a trick your older sister Lanie taught you, to prevent other telepaths, such as your mother, from reading your mind. You'd done it before but never for this long. It was the first time your mother had no contact with you.

She's not going to let you in

She did last time

And the time before that

And the time before that

And all the other times

She's tired of it

But she threw us out

It's not our fault

Yes it is

We blocked her

We stopped her from reading our mind

Stopped her from protecting us

But I don't want her to continually be in my mind

I want privacy

I want to feel like I can

Think without being heard

Be Myself

You can

Not with her in here

She's your mom

But it hurts

What was that?

A twig

Snapping

A person?

Where?

I can't see

It's too dark

I'm scared

I want mom

“MOM! MOM SOMEONE IS OUT HERE. PLEASE LET ME IN. I'M SORRY I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.”

“THAT'S WHAT YOUR SISTER SAID AND WHERE IS SHE NOW?”

Your sister

She's safe

She taught us how to block mom

She did this

No, she helped us

She can help again 

You stop knocking on the door and start walking away. waterfalls fell down your face as you walked Away from home, away from your mom. You walked the streets in the dark, with no phone, no flashlight, just the clothes on your back. Summer clothes.

It’s cold

I know

I wish we had a jacket

Is this the street?

Yes

You turn down the street, wishing you were wearing warmer, longer clothes. When you picked out this outfit you didn't think you'd end up out this late, in the cold. 

People

Bad?

Its a group

Brown bags

Liquor?

Eyes down

Keep walking

What do I do if they approach?

I don't know

No weapon

Just our hands and feet

Keep walking

Keep walking

Speed up

Door

Inside

Sister

Safe

You open the door to the building your sister lives in quickly rushing to her apartment, even though no one was following you. You hoped you remembered correctly you'd only been here once before. Tears from earlier sprung back to life as you frantically knock on the door. Deja vu from minutes ago, days ago, and weeks ago floods your mind as you recall all the time you were at your house door, begging, crying, and screaming for your mother to open the door. Today was the worst of it, she'd never lock you out for this long, or this late, your knuckles were never this red and your voice was never this hurt. 

When the door opened, you were so relieved you gasped for air, air you needed from the crying. Your sister's tired face was washed away when she saw you. Her arm instantly pulls you in for a hug. You cried harder, ashamed of how emotional you were in a public space.

People are trying to sleep

I don't care

Your sister whispers in your ear

“It's okay. I know, I've got you.”

She slowly walked backward, you still in her arms, following her. When the two of you cleared the doorway she quietly closed the door.

“She- she locked me out-”

Your sister didn't need you to tell her that, she'd been through this before. 

“She- again-”

Your sister's head spun at that word and you could feel the heat her anger produced. Lanie had been kicked out once, it was a hot day and she ended up having a heat exhaustion, lucky your father arrived before she could have a heat stroke. Your father was a water elemental, he was able to hydrate your sister and cool her down. That week your father left your family. Later when your parents divorced, he lost custody of both of you. Though your sister, Lanie was 17 at the time and left as soon as she turned 18. Your mom doesn't know that she still lives in town, she told you it was because she didn't have the money to go further but, you know she's here for you. Though she didn't feel safe enough to contact you till last month. She hates that she didn't help you sooner.

“Come on baby, let- let's sit you down.”

She guides you to her couch and leaves to the kitchen, you can still see her as she fills a glass of water for you. You start to regulate your breathing, taking in the smell of your sister's apartment. It smells like brown sugar, she used to have a brown sugar candle she always lit in her room, and it's comforting to smell it again. Brings you back to talking and giggling in her room.

“Here. Drink up.” 

“ Ok I think that's enough”

You shook your head and looked up, dazed at the sudden pull from your memories. You look at the therapist. 

“What for?”

The therapist was taken aback by your question.

“Well, I figured it was a good stopping point, especially considering the content of this memory.”

You feel a hand squeeze yours, turning to see Geordi, closer than when you started. Till now you had forgotten your partner was even there. you become ashamed realizing he witnessed everything. he had seen how bad of a kid you were. You turned to him slowly.

“Are you ok?”

Confused, you didn't answer. His hands find one of yours, his hands are tight and shaking. Before he looks into your eyes.

“I'm sorry. “

You looked away, not having an answer. The therapist took this time to interrupt.

“This is the reason we do this, as Geordi and I see it, you were mistreated by your mother. She used her telepathic abilities to control and shame you. It also appears you saw this as normal or acceptable to an extent. Would you share why you felt that way?”

" She was protecting me, she just- she wanted- she told me she needed to know everything, to keep me safe, she kept me safe."

You feel Geordi squeeze your hand, but when you look over he's looking away from you.

"Your mother taught you that."

" Yes, it's how I've lived, I can't be safe if I don't know anything, I can't be clueless, I have to know everything, knowing is safe."

"Your mother brainwashed you into believing that you could only be safe if you were constantly using your ability. That's why there's such a disconnect between you and your own brain. You aren't used to spending time with your own thoughts. It's probably why you have so much anxiety when you're not in others' heads. I'd say it's why you became so dependent on Geordi and developed that separation anxiety."

The therapist took a quick look at the clock

"Our time is almost up. I think next time I should see you separately."

What?

I just got him back

He's touching me again

I can't let him leave again

Let him?

You don't control him

“Wait, why?”

“I think it would be best for you to talk about this alone.”

“I don't understand!”

“ We can do what you two prefer but often when one client has suffered abuse it is best to discuss it separately first before with your partner.”

“ Abused? I wasn't abused.”

The therapist took a breath and she almost seemed to expect this reaction. You frantically looked over at Geordi.

Does he think I was abused too?

You were

I was?

No

“I'm sorry we need to go - let's go home Geordi.”

“I understand. I'll call to discuss the next appointment.”

You made your way through the building and parking lot to your car, getting into the driver's seat. Geordi is a little behind. He opens the passenger door but doesn't get in. 

“Are you sure you should drive? You seem a little on edge. I could drive you home.”

“ I need to drive, I can't not be in control.”

”Ok.”

That was all he could muster to say as he climbed into the passenger seat, even if his car is a few parking spots over and he doesn't live with you anymore.

When he is buckled you started the engine and leave the parking lot. You always play music when you drive, but right now I don't care. Your brain was swarming with so many thoughts. You couldn't even understand most of it, so you just drove. You could hear a few words from Geordi but didn't pay much mind to them. 

When you pulled into the driveway you were pissed. You did everything aggressively, parking, turning the engine off, slamming the car door. Geordi stopped talking and started yelling. You were already in the house as he was getting out of the car. You left the door open pacing and waiting for Geordi to walk through the door. When he did he was still yelling, laced with worry and fear, little anger.

“Cutie what-”

“Do you think I was abused?”

You questioned him, your eyes swirled with so many intense emotions but your voice stayed even. 

He shut up and stared, he started to stutter trying to answer but nothing came out. To you, that was answer enough. You moved to the couch, sitting down with your head in your hands. Geordi moves to close the door before sitting in front of you. 

He gently moved your hands out of the way, looking into your eyes.

“I- I can't decide for you. How you should feel about your mom. But I know that the way she treated you and your sister was wrong. So -so wrong.”

“I'm wrong?”

“What? Baby no?”

“I did what she did. To you. I always - I'm always in your brain, listening. Like she did.”

Geordi takes a breath. You're right and he wants to hold you accountable but with your state right he wants to be careful.

“ It was wrong. But you stopped right?”

Your words come out fast and panicked

“Yes, I promise I haven't read yours, or anyone else's mind in- in a long time. I only use it for work. Work only”

Geordi knew of your new resistance to using your power but didn't realize that you were completely abstinent outside of work, which worried him. Quitting cold turkey doesn't sound like the best for you. He'll have to remember that for later.

“I believe you. But that's something your mother didn't do, she never learned, and she never tried to get better, like you are now. From what I saw, she used her powers to control you, you never did that to me. Tell me why you are always reading my thoughts and others.”

You took some time to breathe before answering. 

“ To protect you.”

You were hesitant but want to be as honest as possible.

“And myself. People- they lie, all the time, and it's hard to trust them. I just wanted to know the truth. To be safe.”

“See your reasons are justifiable, you just took it too far. And I think, well I'm no therapist but, maybe your trust issues are what you should focus on first. Because it seems that's the root of your addiction.” 

You nod and laugh.

“ You're better than a therapist.”

He laughs

He is so beautiful

I love him

I miss him

" I'm not sure I am. I mean you've really improved,y'know working with her. You can always talk to me."

"Thank you. it's easier to talk to you about how I feel, you're not professional, you're comfortable, even if it's just our hands-"

You pull your hands out of his. Just realizing that you were touching him.

"I'm sorry, I - I didn't cross a boundary did I?"

He looks deep into your eyes and takes your hands again.

"No, I did this, I wanted to touch you, to comfort you. I’ve "

He clears his throat

"I've missed it, a lot. Every session the urge to comfort you and touch you becomes stronger."

You smile.

"Me too. And thanks, for comforting me, even though you have every right not to."

"I still love you."

You look away, your eyes catching the brown sugar candle.

Geordi follows your eyes, realizing now why that scent was your favorite. He was slightly grateful to say this without looking you in the eyes. it felt like he was saying it for the first time, even though it used to be so common.

"I do, I Love you so much, it's why I'm still here, it's why I'm comforting you, it's why I left. I know for you, it's hard to feel or remember your love if it is not constantly in front of you. So I thought I'd remind you. I love you cutie. I'm proud of you. I've missed you."

He sees a few tears roll down your cheek. You nod. He counties.

"I've missed sharing a bed, a kitchen, a bathroom, I've missed sharing a home with you."

You whip your head back to face him.

"Geordi, you don't live here. I basically kidnapped you."

He laughs, your brain was previously occupied, you'd forgotten he didn't live here anymore. You start to panic again.

"Hey it's okay, I got in the car willingly, I chose to come with you. You're not a kidnapper."

His smile calms you.

'I'm sorry I wasn't thinking properly, I thought, y'know, that you lived here."

"Maybe I should?"

Your body fills with excitement. So does his. 

Wait!

Don't.

You're not ready.

"I'm not ready."

Geordi's face falls a little but rises back.

" That's ok. I’m - I’m impressed."

"What? Why?"

" Because you clearly want it, but something told you that it wasn't time. And you listened"'

"I didn't think I'd be able to stay out of your thoughts...sorry. I do want to be with you again but, I can't hurt you again."

He pulls you into a hug. A soft whisper leaves his lips.

"Thank you, for protecting me"

He pulls away.

" You can protect me in other ways. And I can protect you. I will protect you."

[nerdy-girlramblings]

My thoughts on Stranger Things S2 (E2-9)

I'm combining several posts from my drafts into one. After I would watch an episode or two, I would record my thoughts, which is why there's some predictions.

E2

My heart! My girl Nancy is suffering and the things she said to Steve at the party! I was so mad when that idiot left her alone, drunk at the party, thank goodness Jonathan was there (I ship them so much)

and poor El, being shut up and wanting connection with other people but Hopper is too scared to let her out. I totally understand both of them, its so sad

E3

My reaction to Dart, Dustin's new "pet": "No no no!! It's from the Upside Down! Kill it!"

When Dustin turned off the heat lamp because it was too hot. "No, no, no, burn the fricker! Kill it! Go get Will, he'll recognize it!!"

The scene when Dustin took the library books was hilarious."I need my paddles!" I died

Poor Will! The shadow thing attacked him, what's it doing to him?

Why is Dustin being so defensive about Dart, something that is clearly evil??

And poor El, seeing Mike with Max and getting jealous. I understand why she hurt her but I didn't like that she did it.

I have a suspicion about Bob. I don't trust him. I have a feeling that he told Will to stand his ground against the shadow monster in the Upside Down so it could possess him. Also he works with radios and tech so maybe he's connected to the lab?

E4

Dart is terrifying. It killed the cat and now its clearly a demogorgon.

Max's brother, Billy, scared me. They clearly have something going on in their family and I hated how he grabbed Max's wrist. Based on her reaction, maybe this isn't the first time someone has hurt her like that?

Why does Billy want Max to stay away from Lucas?

The fight Hopper and El had was awful and heartbreaking

E5

I'm glad Hopper is okay after going in the tunnel

When El reunited with her mom, and seeing her memories, that was so heartbreaking.

And when Will fell on the ground and started screaming because people from the lab were burning the tunnel, my heart broke.

I'm curious about what's going to happen with Steve and Dustin, that's a very chaotic duo.

E6

Where did the other demogragons come from??

Steve telling Dustin how to get girls was frickin hilarious, top tier comedy right there

So was the guy in the black beard, the conspiracy theorist reading Nancy and Jonathan like a book (I'm so glad they're a couple now)

I love Steve with the kids, its so funny and awesome to see him be so protective

E7

Kali (008) and her crew where interesting

I'm glad El / Jane is going back to the Hawkins

Overall, this wasn't my favorite episode

E8

I absolutely hate how that shadow monster is using Will. He's stripping him of his being and using him to trick the other characters and its horrifying.

I'm glad Will was still able to communicate with them

Bob's death I had been spoiled for but I wasn't expecting it to be so brutal and bloody and poor Joyce!

El's rescue at the end so cool!!

E9

The scene when they burn the monster out of Will was awful to watch. Seeing Joyce's determination to kill the thing that took Bob no matter what in contrast with Jonathan seeing only his brother being tortured was heart-breaking.

Seeing Billy's father explains a lot about his abusive behavior

The fight between Billy and Steve was epic and I loved it

I absolutely love Steve being with the kids and failing to try to stop them with their crazy plans. I hope this happens again in later seasons.

I loved when El closed the gate with Hopper, that was great

And the Snow Ball, I loved it, so wholesome and sweet!!

[weaselbeaselpants]

Since I don't want to link it back to two scenarios so...um...immediate, I'll just say; the "Suffering just makes you hurt"-mantra is one I def subscribe to in day to day life, even in small, trivial' things like fandomwars.

I had a person get pissed at me once cuz I defended antishippers. They explained and showed me how they'd been harassed and abused by antis for no reason other than calling themselves a proshiper - no, NOT for actually liking anything with r@pe/cest/p3doshipping - just Reylo *in theory*. They got treated like a literal predator not for anything they actually did but for the title that genuine creeps have decided to use for their kink as this person did for their safe shit and they got blasted for it....and then this person proceeded to call me a cword and accused me of condoning their abuse by proxy of me saying " I don't think antis are inherently evil, actually".

I get it. When you put up with harassment from people touting their selfdeclared fandomom as some kind of badge of honor, of COURSE I understand turning your back on everyone who calls themselves that same thing! That's just, like, a survival instinct. You don't want to be reminded of your tormentor(s) because you really shouldn't have to be reminded of your tormentor(s) while you're browsing fandumb inbetween school or work. You want to keep your tormentors at bay so no triggering shit ppl are romanticizing or covert bigotry someone's hiding under the language of criticism to get in the way of your vibes when this is your fandom and your space to be creative and unwind and be you. I really get it.

The problem is, and the reason I DON'T put up with antianti or antiproshipper shit, that's labeling a whole lot of strangers inherently bad over not having the exact fandom takes and conflating that with your legitimate ethics of outing predators and bigots...THAT is what's shitty.

I know for a fact that not all the people who tag their shit #proship even fully agree on what proship means. I know they are not all predators or even don't care about predators being in their fandoms. Trust me, they care. Some of the #antiship folks I know are the most lax mf w it comes to content warnings, horror, kinks and nuance and also really hate call out posts and want to avoid them as much as they can. I know they are not all self-righteous prudes and bigots trying to get kink out of pride or some shit. THAT SAID- if I haven't already seen creepypredatorybs from proshippers or bigotedbully-tactics from antis, I can definitely believe those things exist in those spaces. But again, those behaviors exist whether or not a person uses these self-given labels. You shouldn't throw your hands in defeat anymore then your shouldn't declare yourself the sole liberator.

Blocked the proshipper-stan I was of talking about because I kind of don't like being called a cant and told I'm okay with death threats...just like I did the antishipper who was sending me death threats that same day =). I know I don't have to deal with that bs and I'm glad I took that advice from a mutual abt my own personal boundaries.

Call out shitty behavior all you want, but the absolutist-rhetoric is not healthy and, more importantly, not doing anything to help people being abused by fandomculture anymore than you were when you first got accosted for disliking a thing that made you upset/liking a thing that made someone else upset. You gotta share your fandom with everyone so long as they're not bigoted, abusive or predatory. And yeah, I kind of reserve all those notions for people I can tell ARE doing those things...so, y'know Lily Orchard.

[currebunz]

An appetite for destruction Ch.3 [JJKxreader]

Your first involvement with Jujustu Tech had been tagging along Gojo. Yaga had asked to meet with you personally to assess your ability. But Gojo abused this chance to show you off to his students.

“This is Gojo (y/n)! My lovely child!” he beamed.

The girl with glasses didn’t look amused at all, the other three simply stared.

“Hey, what’s with that reaction? You guys should be all like ‘Ehh~! Sensei has a kid~?’ or ‘Wah~ So cute~!’ or something” Gojo complained.

“It’s not that they aren’t cute, rather…” Panda began.

“What the hell are you doing bringing your kid here? HAH?!” the girl shouted.

“Salmon roe” the white-haired boy nodded.

“They don’t look at all like you…” the shier boy said.

Gojo remained stone-faced as if he froze on the spot.

“I’m not actually his kid,” you said as you gave them your real name.

Gojo flinched but cleared his throat.

“Anyways, I just wanted you all to meet since they will be your kohai in the upcoming year” he explained.

Maki was the first to introduce herself, heading over to you.

“Let me know if he does anything weird to you, I’ll take care of you” she began.

“Salmon roe” the one you were told to be Toge had introduced himself.

“Certainly, we will make sure you are relocated to a safer location” Panda agreed.

“U-Uh, you guys!” Yuuta said nervously.

Gojo was leaning against the wall, staring forlornly (blindfolded) out the window.

“Ah, my students and child have turned against me. Adolescence…” he murmured.

After meeting Gojo’s first years, you were glad to understand that he was ‘just like that’ as Megumi put it. Despite his demeanor, you could tell he cared about his students. Enough that he had them watch over you when he was called away. While you were waiting for Gojo and his students to return from a meeting, you saw a large man with shades approach you.

‘Remember, stranger danger! If you see someone you don’t know, you tell them your papa is the strongest sorcerer!’ Gojo’s voice echoed in your mind.

Yeah no, you were in junior high now. You didn’t need to wait for Gojo.

“Oh, it’s you. Gojo’s kid” he began.

“Not his kid,” you said without thinking.

The man let out a hearty laugh.

“You aren’t giving him any slack either then? Good, someone needs to keep him on his toes” the man grinned.

For some reason, you felt like you could trust him.

“S-So, who are you?” you asked.

“I’m Masamichi Yaga, the principal here,” he said plainly.

Suddenly, you felt an overwhelming sense of pressure, the kind where you knew you were up against someone strong. Like being caught by a wild animal with your pants down.

‘I-Is this the final boss???’ you thought to yourself.

“Hey, stop making that sour face. I’m not that scary” Yaga said immediately.

After he pulled out some snacks and candy, you started to calm down. Yaga didn’t mention he had learned from Gojo that food was the best approach for dealing with you.

“How do you like Jujutsu Tech? I mean so far?” Yaga asked.

“It’s kinda old, feels like I’m not in Tokyo at all,” you said dryly.

“That’s out of my hands, the elders decided that. But aren’t you more comfortable with that? I heard about you from Gojo” he continued.

You stopped chewing.

“You mean the shrine? That place was different than here, I feel like I can hardly breathe with all those….things walking around nearby” you said.

“Things? The curses?” Yaga asked.

“No, the curses I am used to but…” you trailed off.

How could you say this without making him mad?

“The sorcerers, it feels so suffocating with them around. I’m used to Satoru, but the others feel so cold…” you confessed.

“I understand, even I find it to be suffocating” Yaga agreed.

A moment of silence passed before Yaga spoke up again.

“‘Satoru’, is that what he has you call him?” he asked.

Your face scrunched up into a displeased look as you shook your head.

“He says to call him ‘papa’ or ‘daddy’ like I’m five years old. I call him Satoru because I don’t like calling him Gojo” you explained.

“Why is that?” he continued.

“I don’t like the Gojo clan,” you said simply.

Yaga didn’t have to inquire any further. Even he understood the risk Gojo had taken in adopting you. It was bad enough that you weren’t a blood heir, but they weren’t even sure you were human.

“Well, just so you know. Despite the stiff elders, you can find a home here. It’s a big bigger than the shrine you stayed at” Yaga reassured you.

A home?

But you already had a home.

“The shrine wasn’t my home, gramps was…” you muttered under your breath.

A loud jovial laugh cut through the silence and you raised your hand to stop Gojo from grabbing you.

“There! You! Are! I was worried when I didn’t find you back in the classroom!” he exclaimed.

Even though he was talking, he was still pushing back against your hand in an attempt to touch you.

“I got bored waiting and ran into the principal” you sighed.

“Oh? Yaga! Nice for you two to finally meet. I told you, cute as a button huh?” Gojo put his full weight on you as he draped himself over your shoulders.

You tried to pry him off but his height and weight made that nearly impossible.

“Yes, I can see why you two are so close” Yaga replied.

-----

It was beginning to get cold and Gojo made sure you were bundled up. Purposely bought a long scarf so that the two of you could share. Although, you bought your own with Tsukimi when the two of you had gone shopping for Megumi’s birthday. Gojo had brought you to the school more, wanting you to get familiar with his students. Particularly, Yuuta.

“He’s a bit fragile right now, but I think the more people he has around the stronger he will become. You could also learn a thing or two from him” Gojo had teased.

You had watched Maki turn him into a boomerang several times, what were you supposed to learn?

Even so, Panda and Toge had been inviting toward you. Panda claimed you two have a special bond and for some reason, you could sense what Toge was saying. Maki was a bit stand-offish, but you could tell she was the first to warm up to you. She always patted your head and did things like take you to get drinks without you asking. You could tell she enjoyed this the most.

A few times, you joined them in sparring, but you were hardly a match for them. You only had the little bit Gojo had trained you in and that wasn’t enough to combat Maki. At best, you could keep away from Panda or trip Yuuta.

“Kelp” Toge greeted you as he pressed a cold water bottle to the side of your face.

“Gwah!” you jumped to your feet, stepping away from him.

“Sneak attack successful!” Panda cheered.

Today was supposed to be the same as always. You had been waiting at the steps to the school for everyone else. You were too anxious to walk around alone. Maki and Toge didn’t mind walking around with you, but Yuuta was usually the one to walk aimlessly with you through the halls. The first few times, he was genuinely lost, but after a while, you noticed he would take you in circles.

“Hey, keep your eyes on your opponent” Maki scolded Yuuta as she landed another hit on him.

He had been distracted by your scream and looked in your direction. You pouted, feeling a bit bad you caused him to slip up. But then Gojo appeared again.

“I have an idea! Why not show them that new thing you did?” he grinned as he walked over to you.

Now all eyes were on you as everyone waited to see what he meant. It wasn’t like you were hiding it from them, you just didn’t see the purpose of it.

“‘Kay” you chirped.

You put your hands together and a cloud of smoke surrounded you. When it cleared, everything had become much bigger for you. Panda made a surprised sound, his paw coming close to covering his mouth as he looked down at you. Maki and Yuuta’s eyes were wide, it was hard to tell Toge’s expression from where you were at. After all, this form made you only as tall as a puppy.

“Ta-da” you cheered lazily.

“Waaaah! Isn’t it adorable?!” Gojo cooed.

You kept your eyes on his hands, they were making grabbing motions as he came closer. But before Gojo could pick you up, someone else grabbed you. To your surprise, it was Maki.

“M-Maki?!” Yuuta exclaimed.

“Huh? I-I don’t know what came over me but!.... The fur is so soft…” she said with a light blush on her cheeks.

Although she was crazy strong, Maki was holding you gently. You didn’t mind it, but there was something off about being treated like a pet. Even Toge was petting your head.

“Salmon” he agreed.

Yuuta looked hesitant but ran the back of his hand down the side of your fluffy cheek.

“Warm too, they’re like a blanket!” he gasped.

You couldn’t help but soak up the attention, finding it better to come from your senpais instead of Gojo for once.

“___! I didn’t think you would come for my place as the cute one!” Panda wailed.

“Ha? What are you talking about?” Maki barked.

Panda looked sullen, but even he couldn’t refuse that you were adorable.

“Now we have a fox too? Fox and Panda duo sounds great!” he grinned.

Gojo pouted, floating around the group as he tried to get close to you.

“Okay, okay. That’s enough, let daddy get in there too” he sulked.

None of them paid him any mind, resulting in him using his skills to swipe you from Maki.

“Hey! Put me down!” you yipped as your tiny paws beat against his hands.

“Never~” Gojo said as he rubbed his cheek against yours.

As the others watched on, Yuuta was the one to say it.

“I see why he suggested it, that was an excuse to do this,” he said.

[renee-writer]

What If It Were Brian Chapter Thirteen

AO3

“So, you just decided to come through, not knowing what you would find?” Edina asks after Ian and Fergus updated Claire and the others on all that happened.

 

“Aye, we trusted Jamie’s instincts in the manner. If he thought she was in danger, she was.”

 

“A grand thing too. If I would have known, I would have done more then hit him.” Fergus is still shaken by his mama’s story of the bastard, Frank’s, abusive behavior. That he dared lay a hand on her! She touched his arm, calming him. On her lap, Brian sits, staring at everyone in wonder.

 

“I sounds like it is a good thing Jamie himself didn’t come.” Joe adds.

 

“He would have killed him.” It is stated flatly, as a fact, by Ian.

 

“That blessed snake kept you from missing each other.” Sean was amazed by all he heard but, the snake, carved to be something of the laddie’s real father, was the most amazing. A bit of luck that kept all exactly where they needed to be, it was truly a gift.

 

Brian, even though he has no idea what is going on, still smiles contented. He is with his mama, Uncle Joe and, the strangers all are pleasant and nice. That man he calls father isn’t about and, he has a good feeling that he won’t be. All these factors relax him.

 

“Now it is off to the cave and back in time, eh?” Edina was thrilled with how all turned out. She happily feeds all her unexpected guests, fusses happily over Brian and, listened with amazement to their tales.

 

“Yes! He lives ! My love lives and I can introduce him to his…” Oh! She must explain to Brian about his real da, who Ian and Fergus are, and that they are going to a place far away. “Excuse me as I talk to my son.”

 

Fergus helps her to her feet and she carries Brian into the other room. “Mama, where are we going?”

 

“Brian, I have some important things to tell you. You must listen carefully, my darling.”

 

“Alright Mama.”

 

“That man that you call father, he isn’t your real daddy. Your real daddy’s name is Jamie Fraser and he lives in Scotland.”

 

He breaks out into a huge smile. “Can I be glad, mama? I never liked him, father. He was mean. Is this Jamie mean?”

 

“Never to you or I my love.”

 

“Good. Are we going to see him on an airplane?”

 

“We are going to see him but will travel a different way. You see, your daddy lives in a different time. I know it is complicated but, we have to travel through time to get to him.” Please , she adds in her head, please God let him be able to travel!

 

“An adventure! We are taking an adventure!”

 

“Yes we are. One more thing. Ian and Fergus are family. Ian is your uncle and Fergus,” she wept when he told her of the ceremony Jamie preformed, claiming him fully as their son, “he is your brother.”

 

“I’ve a brother! I always wanted one!”

 

“I know.” She is smiling as happy tears fill her eyes. Oh God, please let him be able to travel!

 

“When are we going ?”

 

“Very soon. Now when we do, you must hold tight to mama. It will feel quite queer but only for a moment.”

 

They step back out and Brian runs over to Fergus. “You are my brother!” Fergus grins and lifts him up, hugging him tight.

 

“Ouí, I am!”

 

“It went well then?” Ian is also broadly smiling.

 

“Very well. We are ready.”

 

Ian and Fergus, with Brian tagging along, go to change back into their own clothes as Claire says goodbye.

 

“How do I bide you ado?” she hugs Joe, “after the mate you have been to me?”

 

“You go knowing that you and that precious boy will always be in Gail and I’s prayers, knowing it is for the best, that you are going back to where your heart lies.”

 

She wipes tears from her eyes and hands him back the tickets.  “If he can’t travel, we will go to Scotland anyway.”

 

“If Sean returns with you, I will return them. We will see you safe one way or another.”

 

Hugs are given all around and then Joe and Edina wait and see who will return.

 

They all ride in Sean’s car. Brian sits on Fergus’ lap. He is talking excitedly about how he has always wanted a brother. It helps distract Fergus from the carsickness. They are soon at the cave.

 

“This is surely different.” Claire comments as they exit.

 

“Aye. When we came to, we thought the same.” Ian takes her hand and helps her into the opening. Fergus has Brian and Sean, the witness, brings up the rear.

 

“Well, it is sad I am to see you go but happy too. You found who you were looking for, just in time. I pray all goes well on your journey and your future.”  Sean receives a hug from Claire and Brian.

 

“Thank you. Without your assistance, we might have ne’ found them.”

 

“God places where we need to be when we need to be there.” He states to Ian. “I am happy to have helped.”

 

They all four gather together with Brian in the middle, as they approach the portal. It is a luminous pool of water.

 

“Keep ahold of us.” Claire reminds her son.

 

“Yes mama.”

 

Sean watches as they step in and disappear.

[teenmomcentral]

Jenelle Evans took a break from cosplaying as a teacher at The Little School of The Land on Friday to dish out some relationship advice and more importantly, throw some accusations at her estranged husband, David Eason. 

During a Q&A on her Instagram Story, the fired Teen Mom 2 star, who separated from her significant ogre other earlier this year, responded to a series of questions submitted by herself followers.

Jenelle was asked by one follower to comment on David’s latest TikTok antics– including the recent TikTok Live on which he begged strangers on the internet for donations to pay for an attorney to fight Jenelle in court. Jenelle responded via song, encouraging her former soulmate to “get a job,” before going on to accuse David of having “some dark secrets.”

“Everything he’s saying he’s just doing it to make himself ‘look better’ but in actuality he knows the person he truly is behind closed doors,” she wrote. “He has some dark secrets no one knows but me.”

When asked to divulge said secrets, Jenelle– who recently requested a domestic violence restraining order against David for herself and her kids– said she was unable to do so at the moment for a few different reasons.

“Not the right time but also I’m scared and feel like my life would be on the line,” she said, later adding, “There’s a huge investigation going on so I can’t comment on much at the moment.” 

In another reply, Jenelle explained that she’s scared of David due to “the way he talks about people he hates,” alleging he has “threatened his baby mama’s life” and is controlling, demanding and selfish, among other things. Despite claiming that she fears David, Jenelle told another follower that she doesn’t regret standing up for David in the past.

“I don’t regret that time because I learned a lot of life lessons that were very important for me to grow up and mature,” she wrote. “Life is easier to understand I would say. I always have learned from by mistakes and he was def a big mistake,” she added. 

When asked how her children are doing now that David is no longer living on The Land, Jenelle said her and David’s daughter Ensley “doesn’t appreciate” David’s behavior towards Jenelle as of late, while Kaiser “doesn’t want to be near David.” She was also asked if her son Jace is “doing better” in a David-free environment. (As you know, David currently has pending child abuse and “assault by strangulation” charges pending against him for his alleged physical attack on Jace in September.)

“Everyone is happier and my ex doesn’t even reach out to call or text any of the kids 🤷🏻‍♀️ living his best life,” she wrote. “Even his own daughter doesn’t even want to live with him.”

While David has allegedly gone non-contact with his youngest daughter, Jenelle said David’s teenage daughter, Maryssa, continues to make an effort with the little ones on The Land.

“She’s actually been in contact with Ensley which is really nice of her,” Jenelle stated. “I’m glad she’s staying in touch with the kids 🩷.”

Jenelle went on to tell another follower that she isn’t dating right now and is instead focusing on herself and her kids. She also encouraged anyone else who may be in a “mentally abusive” relationship to leave their partner, adding, “don’t wait as long as I did!!!”

“There’s someone out there who will be way nicer to you than an abusive ex,” she wrote. “There ARE men out there worth it and would love to spend every waking second with you. 💕”

Jenelle also made a point during the Q&A to let followers know that, even in David’s absence, she remains on the outs with her mother, Barbara Evans.

“Hell no, I don’t trust either of them,” Jenelle responded, when asked if she and Barb are on speaking terms again.

[littlecarnet]

One thing my mom and I used to clash on, was my habit of exploring abandoned places. She is absolutely terrified of the dark and anything remotely dangerous looking. She'd fear for my safety constantly, and would chew me out demanding why I'd ever be drawn to these things.

It took some time to explain wht I'm so drawn to these places. There is a thrill to it, an element of danger, but its their history that is my main motivator. These places, as I've discovered, hold a great deal of what the world has forgotten or was forced to forget.

Being mixed minority myself, I am no stranger to society wanting to pretend my kind no longer exists. Our language, culture, settlers from forgien places laying claim to land not theirs to take, the defacement and destruction of what's left of our civilization in the modern day, the monetization and exploitation of what remains of us, how we're seen as relics to gawk at..yeah..I am personally well aware of all that.

And what started as a little thrill of exploring an iron foundry, resulted in a desire to preserve history before its erased by people or time. When I poked around the foreman's office, trying to piece together what this place was, and as I studied the documents left behind, I discovered it's sinister history. Like so many companies in this state, the majority of their labor were undocumented people, many bringing their whole families to this company town to work in horrible conditions that often resulted in death.

I read name after name after name of the deceased. The letters from those left behind, their fear of deportment, the wrongness done to these broken families as they were silenced one by one with threats, with violence. They couldn't even be given time to mourn their loved ones. They couldn't even give them proper burials. It was heartbreaking and horrifying. In one letter, I felt a chill, as where I stood, next to the furnaces, a young man, only 22, lost his life. He had a wife and 4 kids. The building I stood in felt less like the guts of a foundry and more like the skeleton of some giant beast that devoured innocent people.

I took a lot of the documents home. Yes, that broke an urbexing rule to never take anything, to leave things as they are, but in hindsight I'm so glad I took them. That night I poured over them. Found links to other similar foundries with similar histories. A movie name came up, a blacklisted film called Salt of the Earth. Of course it was blacklisted, because it told the truth. I returned to the foundry a week later only to see it bulldozed, it's bottom levels buried, along with all of those letters, those names. Gone. All gone. Except for what I saved. I went home furious. I honestly thought they did it on purpose. They destroyed the evidence of their wrongdoing on purpose! But those construction workers probably didn't know better, they were just doing their job. But I was still angry.

There were other places like this that were erased. Living on only in photos I took. Some places with dark pasts, some ancient marvels, some even dating back far before humanity existed. And it made me feel so helpless that I couldn't stop their destruction, except for one. I fought to protect a sliver of an ancient sea, and now it's a monument. One little victory. But so many more lost to time, progress, and human greed. And thats why I explore and document. That's what draws me to these forgotten places. There are names, there is history, there are whispers in the dark seeking to be heard. They have stories in their walls, in the caves, in the cliffs. And I listen intently.

I can't help but be protective of these places. Somewhere in my core being, I have always been called to guard. Not just in my paid job, but to advocate for the lost and for the silenced be they alive or not. Its why in my main blog, I give them a voice and a face in photos, videos, and what I've uncovered about their history. It's why my heart goes to the homeless, abused, the abandoned. Because those who know my own history, know that I know how it feels.

[d-lissa]

Liveblogging TMA - Season 3 - MAG 81-85

"There is so much more horror in this world than I had ever dreamt possible."

A GUEST FOR MR.SPIDER :

Oh my God, it's a Jonathan backstory statement.

~~~~~~~~~~

... Oh my God, I'm him.

This is an uncomfortable thing to discover about one self. I love him to death, really, but I don't want to relate to him, it'll make things feel so much worse when he inevitably suffer.

The self loathing on this man, thinking that he was somehow at fault for the situation, that he probably deserved it more than some others who have suffered from oddities, I just.

Sure, just break my heart, why don't you !

Still, this statement explains so much about him. Just his. Everything. Can't believe he's barely 30, if not younger.

And the Spider always had the hots for him, apparently ? At least, it seems like it want to eat him. Good on him to avoid that fate. I don't regret that table anymore, I hope the freak felt it.

It did send the table with The Stranger in it, right ? Or was it another concept that is aligned with it ? To spy on the Archives and The Archivist.

Here's to hoping the Beholding can actually protect him. Oddities have been going on and on about how he's protected because he is the Archivist, but just how much protection are we talking about here ? And how long will it protect him outside of the Institute ?

I am worried for him, and his mental faith, and just the absolute pain and exhaustion and regret felt in every words broke my heart. I don't think I can recover from this.

Anyway, Jon is ... Relatively safe. For now. Crashing at his ex's house, I think ? Who seems to be his only friend in times like these. It hurts to realize.

Strongest season opener so far, and I can already feel that this season is going to give me all of the mystery and character work that I have been demanding for two seasons now, and I am very satisfied about that.

THE EYEWITNESSES :

"Yeah, don’t take a job here."

Can't say I disagree with Tim on this one.

Daisy is on the case, and she's trying very hard to pin everything on Jon. I don't quite get why, especially considering that it was confirmed she didn't try to actually investigate and just jumped on "Jon must be the culprit for everything going wrong" train that Tim seems to have jumped on last season, a clearly very comfortable place for him that he has no intention of leaving.

Was it because of how much she told him during her own statement ? But then, why did she say all of that if she didn't intend to ?

Martin is adorable and kind of definitely has a very big crush on Jon, which is just tragic. Martin, sweetheart, why do this to yourself ? Still, I am glad that Jon still has someone in his corner that is willing to protect him against bad mouthers and wrongful accusations while not having a hidden agenda.

And speaking of the man, Elias is back more evil than ever and I have to say that it is a good look on him. What can I say, I am a whore for charismatic mastermind villains. Especially when it is revealed that the guy just faked his incompetence to make all of this happen for his own entertainment. Don't get me wrong, I very dearly hope he chokes and die, but that won't stop me simping.

Since I'm talking simping, the drive behind this episode, Daisy and her not statement that was definitely fucked up. She is such a cop, and I mean that with the biggest disgust that I can muster, even if in the end she ended up doing the world a favour. I just really dislike people in positions of power taking the moral high ground while abusing of it. I still think she's hot, but also I am going to need her to take a chill pill and lay off my boy's back, you know ?

The Beholding has decided that until his favourite Archivist comes back, it will record everything for him, and ain't that adorable, she says while trying to ignore the deeply fucked up situation and implications of it all. We've been knew since the trailer, but yeah.

I mean, if that's really The Eye doing this.

DRAWING A BLANK :

"I’m guessing someone dragged you into something weird, you got hooked in and then it all went wrong."

It's not drugs, he says, as he rushes to make a statement like an addict about to get his fix.

Should I be concerned about this ?

I feel like I should be concerned about this.

Creepy circuses, moving mannequins, Breekon and Hope and skinning people, I see we're back to where we left off since the last "Circus of the Other" update, all probably a part of The Stranger. How cheery.

Jon of course made most of the connections, because he is a stealing stealer that steals my job, so let's rather focus on Jon.

Most importantly, on who he is now that he isn't, at least temporarily, The Archivist. God, I am worried about him, mostly because of all the things that are probably after him right now, but also because I do not think that he's in a ... Good place, mentally speaking.

And Elias is definitely not helping, giving him more statements. Why ? What for ? Why is Elias Bouchard so invested in Jonathan Sims ? He killed the last one, right, so why not get rid of John and find a new Archivist ?

That is, assuming he is the one giving the statements. If it isn't him, then there's only The Beholding itself that would do it, and I don't think it does anything, rather than just observe, so I will have to cast my doubts onto this one.

POSSESSIVE :

"To anyone listening, sorry about the change of tone."

Aw, Martin is reading a statement ! And quite well, at that, if a little freaked out. I am curious as to how Tim would read one too. Or.

How Sasha would've.

I am not interested that much into the concept behind this one, I can only think of The Stranger or the one with lots of insects and diseases.

I loved to learn that anyone reading a statement will make it as life like as possible, though it is good to know that taking the Statements is something that Martin can't quite do like Jon can.

What does take my attention is Melanie getting a job as an assistant. Somehow, I am feeling like Elias is just setting her up for her death. Why is he so adamant on making Jonathan and everyone around him suffer, damn it ?

UPON THE STAIRS :

"As I was going up the stair, I was a man who wasn’t there. I wasn’t there again today. Oh, how I wish I’d go away."

AND THAT IS ANOTHER MAGNIFICENT REPRESENTATION BY ONE JONATHAN SIMS !

Urgh. Loved the statements made by other archives workers, but none hit as much as Jon's delivery, except the ones made from the people that actually lived it, you know ?

Chills. Litteral chills. Those were also made by the story itself, but like, Jon's voice ? His delivery ? As usual, a gift in and of itself. I think he'd make reading a grocery shopping list enthralling to listen to.

Sorcery, I tell you.

I am more and more confused by The Distortion, but I guess that that is what makes it work, it's literally its job to confuse people.

In other news, Georgie has a date, of which somehow, I am kind of worried for her safety, and Jonathan is maybe probably going to transform into an eldritch being all seeing eye ? Which is. Erm. Worrying.

The quote of the post will be :

"But I couldn’t, because I just wasn’t there."

End Liveblogging.

[ulli-unearthed]

I am day 6 of symptoms after my abuser gave me covid. But the CDC says I’m fine to breathe in public so I guess I have no choice. I am in public amidst a mental breakdown but I must appear completely sane or I will face The Consequences. I use the women’s restroom, as I often do.

I wash my hands and the soap doesn’t work at the water is far too hot. I’m wearing some ugly and ill-fitting dress. But I am also ugly and ill-fitting so that’s why I’m wearing it. Also I lost all my clothing in a fire so I’m glad to have any clothes at all.

Some random woman also washing her hands said she liked my dress. I never make eye contact with anyone so I don’t know what she looked like.

“Thanks,” is what Ulli said. It the usual flat way that he/she/they/(I, myself) speaks when annoyed.

She specified she like the pattern of the dress. I don’t know if she was expecting the fat, hairy and dead-eyed person next her to offer anything more than, “Thanks”. All she got from me was a repetition of the generic script. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

I said nothing else and walked out and then stood around like the insane person I am. I leaned against a post and stared into space.

“Wow Ulli!” you say. “A kind woman paid you a genuine compliment. That was such a rude response. Why are you so upset that someone paid you a nice compliment?”

My ADHD and my trauma wish I could explain my self to you that I’m not a bad person and I feel guilty for making that nice woman feel weird. But what does “guilt” matter? I did that and I’d do it again. I’ll do worse each time someone tries to speak to me.

I hate compliments. Especially ones related to my physical form. And I hated that dress. I thought it looked awful on me. And I hate when strangers talk to me especially wasting my time with pointless conversation. I’m wrong and I know I’m wrong.

Would anyone ever sympathize or understand that viewpoint? Would anyone ever want to get to know someone who is so disturbed and unnatural?

Do you think someone would take the energy to try to understand? I have spent my life trying to understand people. To empathize with them and uplift them. I’ve poured my soul into several jars and they were promptly stolen. Maybe that’s why I’m so hateful these days. The soft and kind woman I once was is replaced with Ulli I guess. It’s not his fault, really. It’s not my fault either for being abused in so many absurd and horrific ways and finally lashing out. Anyone would turn out that way, wouldn’t they?

But I’m still guilty, aren’t I?

I’m guilty.

I’m not a good person. It was once my life’s mission to do good in this world. But the world abandoned me and so I returned the favor.

Fuck you all.

(If a genderqueer lunatic curses a person on an blog and no one is there to read it does it still hurt?)

There’s so many double standards and again, it seems, I’m the only one who was hurt. As it should be. No one should have to endure me.

But I still endure, don’t I? Look at this, still alive!

I’m still alive.

[rosenecklaces]

Nesta for the trivia game

Ohh this one is interesting let me activate my brain

First impression: It was kind of... weird, how I felt with nesta because I do not hated her and even felt she had some internal range/frustration that she just didn't know how to manage accordingly ( or sjm didn't bothered to flesh out more) but she was verbally abusive of feyre indeed and while reading i wished we knew of the why, why feyre, what happened to make her say things to her like that?

Impression now: Boyyy is even more weird LOL, ACOSF was so messy my god and I hate we kind of lost what the other books gave us about her and hinted at. But ok, coming back to Nesta, I like her a little more (surprisingly) and I do felt for her in some occasions (the way she handled her trauma, the sleeping with strangers without taking care of herself, the alcoholism, the spending money holding a grudge) it was very raw in that part and it was an interesting take on her and how mental illness/low self worth affects someone. That being said, im still waiting for her apology to Feyre and Elain ( her comments of their dad and she being a dog where heavy as hell), im glad she saved Feyre but they 100% still would have this tense bond if they don't fucking talk and Nesta explain to her + elain how she felt all those years knowing she couldn't provide for them and recognize aloud the damage she made on her hatring wage

Favorite moment: I hate how most characters think she was the one who attacked hybern and proceeded to kill him BUT I loved she beheading, loved this kind of team effort with elain it was so good. Also when she used the golden mask, I tought I was gonna get tired of all the girlbossing warrior moments but that was A Moment okey. Gonna say her soft side with cassian got me, they had this wild sex driven attraction but when they cared for eachother and she said "my mate taught me well"? That's the good shit I came for + The "never again, never again" scene

Idea for a story: TO HER TO BE LADY DEATH AGAIN GOD. why the hell she lost so damn cool powers I hate it here give me necromancer nesta again sjm. Also I would love reading something about her and her sisters traveling together for a good while, just getting away from velaris and other people and spending time together, would like nesta collecting books from everywhere

Unpopular opinion: The valkyries thing... it was so cheap tbh, it could had be handled better or you know, not make nesta a warrior but a diplomatic character, I think she would had learned more fluently and manage night court exterior affairs, it would also helped her connect more with feyre, making her see that it is not easy to direct and take care of a whole court and maybe getting the animosity and hate for rhysand dissappear or be presented as them not settling down with their opinions and what each thinked of how things should be done. I also don't understand how she viewed emerie and gwyn as her new sisters like girl you barely know this girls and wherent you wary of everyone who gets close to you not long ago? 😭 it was kind of strange to me, same with her friendship with azriel, it came of thin air with the strand being "they both see eachother and don't judge and they are both feared" nesta wasn't feared like he is??? But ok sjm weird flex

Favorite relationship: as much as I have my complaints about how nessian was handled, I'll give it to them when they have a moment to shine they shine, that's why I can't hate nessian even if acosf was imperfect, she is lady death and him lord of bloodshed he is her knight and she thinks she doesn't deserve him while cass fears to lose her and idc I love it I can excuse their messiness because the good stuff was enough to keep me hooked. I also like some nestaemerie, I feel their friendship was way more genuine than gwyn/nesta, and as I said I hope we get more of archeron sisters bonding we had too little of them but I still root for this dysfunctional sisterhood (I also crackship her with vassa, it could be interesting seeing them interact)

Favorite headcanon: I think nesta can heard/comunicate with the deceased even after losing her powers, I like to think some piece of it is still there deep inside her. I also think she wouldn't marry, I don't see her as the type ( maybe if cassian ask her and seem excited for it? And still I doubt that) I can see her with one child or adopting. Even if I preferred she wasn't a warrior, I think Nesta would be General of NC one day, I see her alongside Cassian directing troops + the Valkyries, she could also be a "professor" in the library for future Valkyries that wants to learn more of battlefield planning, maps, nurses in battle, sword crafting etc. I wanttttt short haired Nesta so bad is a NEED, like I really think she would be the one pulling a sick as fuck haircut. I also think she would win more scars as time passes and wears them with pride, be by training and in battles ( a scar crossing her lip/eye could be sexy)

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

hello. i like reading your stuff. how come your female lead never have a second option to timmy? like a second man in there pursuing her too? i love jelly timmy, we all know there isn't a competition really but seeing him angsty and jelly bc another man is around would be fun

Hi anon! I’m so glad yin like my work! I appreciate it!

So lemme explain something about Lea’s character! She is never around men or boys. There is a reason for this, lemme get into her family history a bit for ya.

So Lea’s dad, Jimmy, was kicked out by her mom, Rosalie, when Lea was three. Her younger sister, Ari, was one, and her older sister, Lina, was six, and is the only one of the three who remembers him. He was physically and verbally abusive towards their mother, and likely would’ve been towards them as well had she not shielded them from his physical abuse. Lea and her sisters were not, however, entirely protected from his verbal abuse, so they were all subject to a great deal of yelling, cursing, and berating. I don’t detail the depth of the abuse their family suffered then in any of my fics, but it was fairly extensive. I don’t mention them becauee we as the reader never see them, but Rosalie has scars on her body from the broken beer bottles he would cut her with, and usually wears long skirts and long sleeves to cover them up. I don’t know whether Rosalie was a victim of SA by him or not, but it’s very possible. She has PTSD from the abuse, and is being treated for it. She will suffer from it to some degree for the rest of her life, however, although I do picture her eventually finding love with someone else.

In any case, let me explain how this affected Lea and her sisters. As I’ve said, Lina is the only one that has any memories of him, as Lea and Ari were just too young (Lea has memories of when she was three but none of her dad). Ari wasn’t terribly affected by it, as she was one at the time so she didn’t have much to deal with beyond some stranger danger issues, which is normal at that age anyway. Now, Lea and Lina did have more issues. With men, specifically. Anyone make, actually. Lea and Lina would both get very upset when they were around boys or men. Rosalie saw this, and as she herself was wary of men, she decided to enroll all three in all-girls schools. She also systematically avoided men and boys herself and encouraged (and sometimes required, especially when they were younger) her daughters to do the same. There is an incident when Lea is right or so when she gets lost in a grocery store and a father and son are helping her, making sure she’s alright, and her mom finds her and warns her to stay away from strange men, not to talk to them. As a result of incidents like that, all three grew up not interacting hardly at all with anyone who was male. As they are all different, however, each one of them reacted to this upbringing differently. Lina is still uncomfortable around them, as she still has those memories and isn’t around them hardly at all. She is, however, a lesbian, so she doesn’t mind not being around men or boys. Ari is more rebellious and boy crazy, and as a result of that (as well as her lack of memories of their dad), she seeks them out and sneaks out with them. I imagine she lost her virginity fairly young (probably sixteen or so), too.

Lea is more complex; somewhat of a mix of the two. She is curious about boys, but deeply uncomfortable around them. She has never had a full-on conversation with one, and when she does speak to them, she’s stilted and awkward. She would like to one day become more comfortable with them, and she likes looking at them a great deal, but she is terrified of becoming vulnerable to one. She doesn’t necessarily think they’ll abuse her as her dad did her mom (which, yeah, she doesn’t remember the abuse, but Lina has told her about it, and she’s seen her mother’s scars, heard her nightmares, witnessed her panic attacks. She has seen the effects of abuse firsthand), but the way she sees it, to fall in love is to be vulnerable to someone else. She has seen the effects of not being entirely in control, and simply put, she has no interest in experiencing that for herself. She absolutely does not want it. She doesn’t want to date or fall in love, not ever. She wants to get to a point where she can have guy friends but she doesn’t want anything more than that, so much so that she fully intends to avoid men she finds attractive.

That’s why Tim in particular terrifies her so much: she knows immediately that she could fall for him, and she doesn’t want to. He is persistent in a sweet way in pursuing friendship with her, however, and at first, she can’t bring herself to refuse him, but after she gets to know him better, she finds she can’t help but want to talk to him, spend time with him. Once she does fall for him, in most of my fics, she assumes he does not (and could not possibly) feel the same way, which she feels is good, because if they’re not together, he won’t be able to hurt her nearly as badly.

Lea doesn’t see herself as someone people might crush on, either. She’s just not of that mindset. As a result, she never really has those “does this guy like me?” moments. It’s more “nah, he couldn’t possibly like me that way.” It takes very clear indication for her to understand when someone likes her that way (like kiss her, for example). As a result, if someone were to make an advance at her, she wouldn’t really notice it as an advance unless it was very forward (like someone saying, “would you like to go on a date with me?”). So threats don’t really come up with her, generally speaking.

However. What may interest you, anon, is that there are two (unpublished, for now) fics in which I already have jealousy scenes written.

Here is one:

And here is the other:

[kaeyasbigtiddies]

genshin boys reacting to you getting yelled at

𝗳𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗺: genshin impact

𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀: razor, bennett, xingqiu x gn!reader

𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲/𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: gentle angst to fluff on some

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: curse words, gentle verbal abuse

𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: short guy headcannons!! part 1 ofc :D ty for all the likes/notes in the last post! i really appreciate it and i’m glad you guys liked it! here’s another post for ya ;P

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razor

gosh this poor man wouldn’t understand what was happening between you and the other person. he would most definitely feel upset though. razor isn’t one to understand how he feels sometimes verbally or mentally either. so, it’s very hard for him to understand certain things.

i feel like he would at least comfort you after you and the other person finish talking or arguing. you’d have to explain what happened to him so, he wouldn’t worry as much. pls razor loves you with all his heart and he hates seeing you upset, it hurts him too. it makes him feel guilty :(

ask razor for a hug and you’ll receive a good cuddle instead. razor is most definitely a cuddle type person. he loves holding someone, he really cares for, close to him. he’s been holding his younger siblings for a long time, don’t be surprised if he wants lots and lots of cuddles from you!

𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐨𝐫 stood and watched as his s/o argue with some random person. you didn’t notice him yet due to the fact he had just stumbled across you two once he heard loud noises nearby. he was currently out hunting for some food for him and his family, that’s how he found you two. ‘what is y/n doing with stranger?’ he thought, very worried at how loud the two of you ‘talked’. sadly for razor, he didn’t understand different types of normal/non normal human interactions. it was quite obvious he didn’t understand what was happening at all. all he could do now was stand, watching from afar safely. he felt that if he interrupted you two, it would be an even bigger problem.

you had just began walking through the forest, ignoring the yells of your name a bit behind you. your ex had just bumped into you in the city of mondstadt, what terrible timing. ‘oh my archons’ you clenched your jaw before turning your body around to face them as soon as they grip onto your arm. “what do you want! we have no business together! there’s no reason for us to be communicating right now! stop yelling at me please, leave me be. you cheated on me and i moved on, is it so hard to understand?” you furrowed your eyebrows together as you tried yanking your arm out of their grip.

“NO YOU’RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME! YOU LEFT ME ALONE FOR SOME STUPID WOLF BOY. I TOLD YOU IT WAS A MISTAKE BUT YOU JUST MANIPULATED YOUR WAY OUT OF THE SITUATION. YOU’RE ALWAYS ACTING LIKE A BITCH INSTEAD OF RESPONDING TO ME LIKE A GOD DAMN HUMAN. MY GOD, LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF YELLING AT ME YOU WHORE.” they quickly replied in anger, it nearly took everything inside your soul to not slap the hell out of them. it hurt, you had to admit, but you didn’t deserve it. despite how they responded to your whining, you were in the right. they had cheated on you 3 months ago with an old friend of yours. you walked in on them almost about to do it, it nearly broke you until you came and talked with your friend razor. he was there for you unlike your ex, now, the two of you were happy but your ex couldn’t accept that. “get out of my face before i do something i’ll regret more than making the decision to date you.” you simply muttered, head faced to the ground, your body almost shaking in anger/rage.

your ex surprisingly let go at how you reacted before muttering a curse word then running off to who knows where? you stayed there silently, hoping the tears in your eyes wouldn’t fall. you had to stay strong, it’s not like they mattered anymore. so, why was it that what they said hurt so badly?

“y/n?” razor spoke before walking towards you. “you okay?” he put a hand on your back before widening his eyes in surprise as you shimmied away from his touch. “y/n?..” he called out once more before noticing how you felt. he saw the way your body shook, you stared at him with a face full of guilt, it struck him right in the heart where it hurt the most. he hated seeing his lupical — his family suffer from the actions of others. it brought back the worst in him. “razor will-“

“no razor, just-..just stay. okay?” your voice and the shake of your head was all it took to make him stop. he cared so much for you that it was dangerous. he’d gladly do anything for you even if it meant him getting hurt in the process. “how much did you hear?” “razor heard some, no matter…come! razor will give meat, lupical says it makes you feel better!” he excitedly spoke, grabbing onto your wrist gently and guided you through the forest back to wolvendom.

“thank you razor. i’m lucky to have you.” after lots of cooked meat and talking with him, you instantly felt your mood increase. your hand brushed some strands of hair out of your face before you gave your boyfriend a soft head pat. it was a common thing in your relationship due to razor’s wolf-like instincts. “razor feels the same y/n!”

——————-

bennett

poor guy would think his bad luck caused this. please reassure him that it was just something random, not him. another man who loves you too much. you’re the first person to accept him for who he truly is besides razor and fischl. but you were his first of most things. first kiss, first hand hold, first s/o, etc. he loved and cherished you more than anything. he respected and admired you so much. he often thinks he can’t handle himself or wouldnt if he was another person being a friend to him. you honestly were one of the things to keep him going. he needs you so much, don’t forget that! <3

if bennett saw you getting yelled at, i don’t think he’d come and help you out asap. i personally think he’d hesitate due to his curse. BUTT i do think once he understands the situation enough and gets his mind together, he’d achieve that goal. you’ve helped him so much, he owes you a lot, AND you’re his s/o so why WOULDN’T he help you out? you should NEVER be yelled at like that!

he’d 100% try his best to comfort you as best as he can if you started crying because of it. either because it hurt your feelings, you don’t like being yelled at, or some other reason. a hug, kiss on the cheek, and some good ole mondstadt sticky honey roast should do the trick right? ;)

𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭 was out on completing his daily commissions for the adventurers guild. there, walking back inside the city, he found you and an unrecognizable person. “hey! y/n who is-…” he instantly stopped once he saw the way you and the other’s expression looked. along with body language, he knew it wasn’t just a normal greeting. so, in that case, he hid nearby and listened. very nosy of him but he felt like you were in trouble, he had to be the best boyfriend he could be for you! the way your friend was talking with you wasn’t nice one bit, it caused him to grip the side of the building he was at tightly. ‘y/n is kind! they wouldn’t do that to me right?’ he questioned himself before tuning back into the conversation. upon hearing how your friend last responded to your decline, it broke him as well. he felt guilty for some odd reason, he thought it was his fault. if only you didn’t help him out like a child, if only this stupid curse would go away!

“WHY CANT YOU JUST COME AND HELP ME OUT WITH HIM! ITLL BE QUICK AND BENNETT WILL NEVER KNOW!” your now ex friend had kept bugging you about going on a secret double date with her boyfriend and his friend. you declined many-many times but she would just not stop. “for the last time, i will not go on that stupid double date for you. find someone who’s actually SINGLE?” you simply replied, trying to be the nicest you can be to not make a scene. “OH MY GOD, THIS IS WHY I NEVER INVITE YOU TO ANYTHING. YOU ALWAYS DECLINE BECAUSE OF THAY STUPID BENNETT YOU ALWAYS HANG OUT WITH. YOURE SO BORING AND SO FUCKING RUDE. NO WONDER YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS, I BET YOUR RELATIONSHIP WAS FAKE ANYWAY. WERE DONE.”

being the more mature one in the situation, you simply nodded and turned around to walk off. once you were far away and out of range from the city, you broke down. you collapsed onto your knees, hunched over while your hands gripped the grass tightly. the breaths you took where very unstable and short. how could someone be so-..so utterly rude! after a short and kind decline like that! you tried so hard but if never went through her head! “damn you! you-.. YOU-“ “y/n!!” the sound of his voice made you freeze in shock, he couldn’t see you like this. it was so embarrassing, no dont benny, don’t look!

despite how your mind thought, his instincts told him to comfort you. “y/n are you okay! i heard what happened! i’m sorry! i didn’t know, i take full responsibili-“ huh? your ears picked up instantly on the fact he blamed himself for the situation. “benny no! no no! it wasn’t your fault love.” you shook your head, eyes not leaving the ground, too embarrassed and scared to move. “but it’s my bad luck that made this happen right?” “no bennett, it’s not always your bad luck. you just happened to stumble across us right? it couldn’t have been you. don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong. even so, if—if it was your fault, i’d never let you take responsibility for it. you’re my boyfriend and it’s okay. whatever your problems are, are my problems. don’t apologize.” oddly enough, the tables turned. you were the one comforting him. how surprising! “wait-..benny you’re supposed to be comforting me-“ you both realized and froze until you started laughing. “you never fail to make me laugh.” you gently nudged his chest before leaning against him and into the hug. “o-okay! that’s great! are you feeling okay? wanna go get sticky honey roast with me!”

sure enough, his bad lucky activated as soon as you both arrived at good hunter. lucky enough though! you had some left over at home ;) then you both enjoy a great lunch together! THEEE ENDDD! :D

——————-

xingqiu

alrighty, this man is definitely up and ready to be your bodyguard. he may sometimes stand there and let you take the yelling unless it’s clear you dislike it and can’t handle it (gets too bad). xingqiu is a jokester and he’s a really interesting person to hang out and get along with!

he does love you very much as well but just know he’s a huge jokester. even if you haven’t informed him of much of how you act, he’s taken notes on how you act and such. he notices the little things you do depending on the situation. he wants to get you strong physically and emotionally by letting you practice martial arts with him or get pranked by him. don’t be afraid to prank him back or show him off!! oddly enough, he loves that side of you! get competitive and get him to give up. show him you’re better than what he has down for now. outshine him and he’ll for sure call you number 1.

this boy is obsessed with seeing you shine brighter every day. it clenches his heart in the good way. you’re way too cute for him in his mind. don’t underestimate his love, he may actually outshine you in that!!

𝐱𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐪𝐢𝐮 quickly glanced at you as you both walked along the paths of liyue, shopping in your free time. “hey xingqiu, do you think this looks cool?” you asked as you pointed to a piece of clothing you saw set out in one of the shops. “yes, it would look very pretty on you.” he agreed with a small smile on his face, blushing internally as your face heated up then you looked away. ‘so cute’ he sighed in satisfaction before turning his attention back to his book as you went to touch another piece of clothing, not even noticing a small heated conversation happened between you and another shopper.

the two of your hands accidentally touched the same piece of clothing in which you kindly but quietly apologized and moved away to let them grab it until you noticed one of their actions. they wiped their hand on their handkerchief and groaned in disgust. “i’m sorry? did you just wipe your hands?” you asked them, not caring if you’d get a response or not but mostly out of curiosity. “yes, i don’t like touching people like you who have terrible manners. “excuse me? i genuinely apologized 3 seconds ago?” honestly you were very confused, did you say it so quietly that they didn’t understand or hear? “either way, i dislike people like you.” okay, this person was being very unnecessary and it ticked you off just a bit. “well i’m SORRY that you dislike people like ME just because i’m not ‘well mannered’ in the way you’d like.” you blinked twice before turning back to the piece of clothing to grab it. you planned to just leave the other alone but they must’ve had other plans. “hello? miss, this woman was extremely rude just a few seconds ago and hit me. can she be excused from the shop?” WHAT? YOU—HUH?? you were so confused, what was this person’s issue? a part of you thought you weren’t hearing the right things and the other part of you thought they were from a mental institution. “could you drop it? we both know none of that happened and it isn’t that big of a-“ “MISS- I.. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK AT ME THAT WAY. I HAVE HAD A BAD DAY TODAY AND YOUR ILL MANNERED SELF IS MAKING IT WORSE. IF YOU COULD SO KINDLY LEAVE ME ALONE-“ “stop this nonsense.” your boyfriend narrowed his eyes at the petty person. “you have no right to talk to them that way, you’re being ill mannered yourself and over exaggerating the situation. if you could so kindly leave the shop, the problem would be solved.” at least the yelling stopped. it shocked you a bit and it caused you to take a few seconds to recollect yourself. you didn’t like being yelled at one bit, due to some personal issues. xingqiu obviously knew and must’ve intervened. such a sweet boy.

“it’s fine xingqiu, let’s just head home now. we’ve been at it for a while.” you sighed, grabbing his hand gently then leaving the shop. “you didn’t have to do that you know? i could’ve handled it.” a short sigh fell form your lips before a lovingly smile slowly crawled on your lips. “i understand my liege but they were being very unnecessary towards you.” you only nodded and intertwined your hands together. “such a sweet boyfriend you are, i could’ve handled it though but thank you.” you stopped walking and turned around to give him a kiss on the cheek. this quick gesture flustered him a bit and brought a small smirk on his face. “cute..” he muttered, walking back home with your hand in his.

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