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emerald-amidst-gold · 3 years

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Ohh maybe 1, 2, 3, and 28? 👀

*takes a sip from my can of soda* Ahhh~! Caffeine for the soul~ >:3

But you know what's better for the soul? Questions! Curiosity! RAMBLING ABOUT CHILDREN! >:D Let's GOOOO!

1. What would your Warden generally think of your Hawke and your inquisitor?

Rylen:

Now, I kind of see Elise eventually meeting or at least, reaching out to Rylen after the events in Kirkwall. After all, she’s an Amell, and so is Hawke. They’re literally the only family each other has (that’s not ‘found’ family, that is.). So, I think Elise would reach out through a letter or somehow manage a visit to her cousin and...connect. She would see him as inspiring; Rylen always manages a smile and a quip. However, if they were to spend more and more time interacting with each other, Elise would see that Hawke isn’t very well put together, especially after the Chantry explosion. She would question why Rylen chose the templars, why he executed Anders who was a like a brother to her, but eventually she would come to understand the whys. Elise would see it as no different as when she decided to spare Loghain at the Landsmeet; they did what they believed to be right and what would be best in that very moment. Both Rylen and Elise sacrificed their own happiness for the benefit of others, and were still blamed for future complications and there’s something comforting in a finding another who can relate. :3

Fane:

So, I actually have some later fic ideas for a confrontation between Elise and Fane (after Trespasser, kind of Pre-DA4 shenanas~), and suffice it to say, these two have similar ways of thinking, but their methods are entirely different. Fane is rash, prone to barreling head first into conflict without thinking about those around him. Elise is analytical, always assessing and placing the pieces in her head to make sure everyone comes out alive. This isn’t to say Fane doesn’t care about his comrades; he does. There’s countless, countless times he takes a blow for someone else without batting an eye or thinking that he could die. He just doesn’t plan; he acts. Fane can get lost in the moment of battle, in the heady scent of chaos and blood. Elise, at first meeting him, would see him as any typical warrior; eager for battle and a garden of death. But if they were to sit down and talk...I think she might find him endearing and fascinating. More or less she would think, ‘He’s so mature for someone so young. I mean, he’s twenty-four, but...he speaks as if he’s older. His speech is manicured, measured as if decided upon carefully. And his eyes...there’s pain, a deep, deep pain. Like some of the older Wardens, those just hearing the Calling. But also...hope? Conviction? Who are you, Inquisitor? What has the world done to you?’

2. What would your Hawke generally think of your warden and your Inquisitor?

Elise:

Rylen would probably have the same opinion of Elise as she does with him. They’re family, split apart due the misconceptions and fear, and my Hawke cherishes family. He lost everyone else he could rightly consider family. Fenris, Varric, Sebastian, Isabela, and Merrill are the only people he can call family now. (Anders and Aveline are complicated. I won’t go into that can of worms. For now~ >:3) He would definitely feel a level of guilt for what he had to do in Kirkwall with Anders, with the mages, with...everything, but Rylen just tries to make it through another day. If he and Elise started to interact I think it would be extremely beneficial to Rylen. Elise is patient, sometimes stern, and not afraid to lay all the facts out. Rylen would admire that since he’s had to go through life wearing a mask, a smile, a facade just to placate someone else. He would see Elise as another sister and his opinion of her would probably be along the lines of, ‘I won’t let another member of my family be torn from me. Father, Bethany, Carver...Mother.. I failed them. I won’t fail her. I won’t fail her. She’s bright and she keeps her head held high. Heh, now I see how she killed an Archdemon and lived to tell the tale. ...Bet the lightning has something to do with that, too.’

Fane:

Rylen and Fane, in my head, actually hit it off from the get go. They’ve both had to take mantles of power, even though they never, never wanted to. Though, for different reasons, of course. But Rylen would find Fane inspiring and wholly capable of doing what must be done. He’d be kind of put off that most of his well thought out jokes and pokes would fall flat on Fane, but eventually, Rylen would see why that is. (Draconic nature withstanding.) Also, once my Hawke found out Fane is dragon? OHHHH, BUDDY. There would be yelling and screeching and cries of, ‘WHY DO I KEEP MEETING DRAGONS, FENRIS?! FIRST THE WITCH, NOW THE INQUISITOR?! ..I’m done. I’m putting my daggers down and stealing away into the mountains. Varric, you wanna come with? I know you’re fed up with this shit, too! Don’t lie! DON’T. LIE.’

3. What would your Inquisitor generally think of your warden and your Hawke?

Elise:

Fane would probably think of Elise as...interesting. Not in a bad way. Just...interesting. Fane isn’t comfortable with Wardens after Adamant. He learns that he can hear the corruption inside of them and that terrifies him. And confuses him. And makes him go, ‘What the fuck am I? I don’t even know anymore. Why do I try?’ But, if he were to get over that and, like I said with Elise, talk? He would have another perspective of the men and women that had let fear take them by the throat. It wouldn’t change his feelings regarding the Wardens entirely, but one level mind, one open mind, is enough to make Fane tap into his nature and consider other sides of a very, very large cube.

‘She’s more...quiet than the others. Maybe because it’s just her? No...Loghain was still loud as fuck when it was just him, so why? Ugh, I’m so sick of these puzzles. At least she’s more stable, but I can see the pain in her eyes; green like mine, but missing the gold. Maybe the Taint is stronger than she thinks? Perhaps, but still she fights, still she claws her way towards something that may be impossible. ...Hmph. How typical. A similarity. This world continues to confound.’

Rylen:

Fane respects Rylen after spending some time to feel him out, know his cues, and piece together which is his actual face. Once that happens, Fane can move into respect with my Hawke. These two have a fairly similar moral compass; pragmatism regarding most decisions. Again, they both have been thrust into a position without asking for it, so that would be a stepping stone upon the bonding path. All in all, Fane’s general opinion of Rylen would be, ‘He’s worn that mask of smiles and bright, grey eyes for too long. It’s cracking at the edges, wearing down to mere mortar. Then again, I have my own mask. I’m in no position to judge and condemn, but...it’s worrying. Even the strongest wings can be torn and all that greets is the earth below. I hope your wings don’t falter, Champion. It would be disappointing for the world to lose someone who cares when those who should are content to point the finger towards anyone but themselves.’

28. What is their favourite location within their own game and what would be their favourite in each others?

Fane: The Emprise du Lion! Snowwwww! Coooold! Ice dragooooon! >:3 ...minus the red lyrium. *snorts*

Origins: Hmm, I think Fane would like the Brecilian Forest. He enjoys forests as much as he enjoys the cold, the ice, and the snow. He likes the animals, even though he tries not to interfere with them, and he likes the quiet. No chattering, no demands. Only trees, leaves, and the occasional whistle of wind. Also, Fane likes to investigate ancient ruins. He’s not interested in the history, really. He just wants to see if he can find any remnants about his kin that the elves may have left behind. :3

DA2: Probably Sundermount since again, wilderness. Fane doesn’t do too well in crowded areas and Kirkwall would make his heart rate sky rocket. Not just because of the people, but because of the size. Those cramped streets of Lowtown would just make him...eugh. *shivers*

Elise: She adores Orzammar! Especially the Shaperate! The dwarves fascinate Elise since not many tomes in the Circle went into depth about them! :D And if we want to with Awakening areas, I would saaaay...Amaranthine. She’s always like towns and cities due to not being able to experience them until the Blight! :3

Inquisition: Elise would adore the Frostback Basin. Like, really enjoy it! All that flora and Avaar culture and wilderness? MMMM!

DA2: Definitely the Wounded Coast. Hands down. My daughter enjoys the sea so much. The salt in the air, the feel of sand, and the pretty, pretty shells and rolling waves? Every Circle mages’ wet dream. *waggles eyebrows*

Rylen: So, if we’re not talking like open world areas in the game, I would definitely say Rylen’s favorite place is the Hanged Man. The man needs a drink to deal with Kirkwall. Just saying. It’s also where he can just...be himself with the people who know him.

Inquisition: Hinterlands. He’s a FERELDAN. He wants his MABARI to RUN in native land! He wants to...go home. ;3;

Origins: I like to think the Hawke family went all over Ferelden before settling in Lothering. I mean, they kind of do, but maybe for more than a few months at a time? So, Rylen would enjoy Denerim. He likes to go where people are, where life is. He likes crowds because he can blend into them and not be tracked down until he wants to be tracked down. ...My Hawke just wants to live in peace with his glowy elf husband and run a mabari ranch. Is that too much to ask, Bioware?! Let Hawke REST!

Woo! That was FUN! It really got me thinking, too! X3 Thank you so much, friend! <3

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morganaseren · 3 years

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OC Introduction

Tagged by: @illusivesoul Thanks! Sorry this took so long!

Tagging: @this-is-something-idk-what, @noeldressari, @alessandramortt, @theherowarden, @jellydishes As per usual, I can never figure out who has or hasn’t been tagged by this. No pressure if you don’t want to participate though! Below is the template you can use.

My answers will be under the Read More.

---

Fandom:

Role:

BASICS

Full Name:

Nickname(s):

Pronouns:

Sexuality:

Occupation and Titles:

Birthday & Age:

Physical description:

Clothing style:

BACKGROUND

COMBAT & SKILLS

Preferred fighting style:

Special skills:

RELATIONSHIPS

Family:

Love interest:

Best friends:

PERSONALITY

Positive traits:

Negative traits:

Likes:

Dislikes:

Fears:

Guilty Pleasure:

Hobbies:

Fandom: Dragon Age

Role: Inquisitor

BASICS

Full Name: Niamh (pronounced “Neev”) Cousland

Nickname(s): Neevy (from Sera), Brat (from Leliana lolol), Storm Pup (mostly from her late mother’s side of the family)

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Lesbian

Occupation and Titles: Niamh is the leader of the Inquisition forces and is also hailed as the Herald of Andraste. Although all her rights to the Cousland estate along with any titles associated with it were forfeited the moment her magic manifested, her ties to her family name are still recognized and vice versa--perhaps especially so now with her being Inquisitor. Thus, in accordance to an older tradition from her late mother’s family, she is also titled the Storm Wolf of Highever per her brother Teyrn Fergus Cousland.

Birthday & Age: Niamh was born on the 3rd of Cloudreach in 9:08 Dragon, so she’s 33 as of Inquisition and 36 as of the Trespasser DLC.

Physical description: She’s a woman of middling height (5′6″ or 168cm). Niamh’s hair is pitch-black, which settles asymmetrically around her face with a longer fringe covering one of her eyes--a pale, misty-grey hue. Physique-wise, she’s full of wiry muscle, especially along her arms, shoulders, and back--testament to years of heavy staffwork.

Clothing style: This is more dependent on what setting she finds herself in. Around Skyhold or in more official circumstances, she tends to garb herself in formal wear such as the one seen below.

When she’s out and about on missions, her attire consists more of cloth and leather as depicted in the screenshot above. As a native Fereldan, she has a tendency to favor fur in her overall field outfit, which is evident in the black Great Bear fur seen along the spaulders atop her shoulders. Then, as an occasional artist, her sketchbook is ever present, constantly hanging from her belt as she draws flora, fauna, and anything of interest in her travels to properly document later. Littered amongst the sketches are also occasional plans for whatever project she’d like to work on back at Skyhold.

Art and crafting is ever her way of relaxing.

Despite being an artist, her color palette in terms of clothing remains relatively simple even if the cut of them are always finely-tailored. She favors darker colors overall with white and varying shades of grey. Occasionally, a splash of color is thrown in every now and again for visual emphasis.

For instance, the red scarf you see on her is a gift from Bethany Hawke. ;3

BACKGROUND

Niamh is the youngest child of Bryce and Eleanor Cousland.

She was born beneath a violent storm that only settled as her newborn cries filled the world--a telltale sign perhaps of the destiny that would later be laid out before her.

She was taken away to Ferelden’s Circle when her magic manifested at the age of four. Niamh was the youngest to enter Kinloch Hold that year, and she was inconsolable for several months as she struggled to adapt to her new surroundings and the many strangers that were meant to be her new family of sorts.

Of all the mages present, she was closest to Jowan since he was only a year or two older than her, and the then young boy was responsible for drawing her out of her sullen shell--enough to where she could finally be comfortable with interacting with others after months of frightened silence. The two children did everything together and were otherwise inseparable. Unfortunately, their relationship would later become strained as they entered into adolescence, especially as Niamh grew into her magical abilities and surpassed him entirely in power, astounding the likes of First Enchanter Irving and Wynne--both whom became her respective mentors--with her command over the elements.

Niamh was able to successfully undertake the Harrowing at the age of seventeen, earning the right to be recognized as a full-fledged mage. She was never designated an Enchanter throughout her time in the Circle, for she had no personal apprentices of her own. The few new ones to arrive at the Tower were assigned to those who had passed the Harrowing before her, but she was content to help them and the Senior Enchanters however she could. Her kindness, patience, and calm diligence earned her easy friendships.

...or at least she thought so until some of her colleagues turned on her with Uldred’s coup following the onset of the Blight.

Caught between blood mages and Templars who believed she had a hand in Uldred’s machinations, she likely would have succumbed to either party eventually had her sister Saoirse--now a Grey Warden--not arrived to help cleanse the Tower of abominations and save First Enchanter Irving and the remaining Senior Enchanters.

For her efforts in saving them, Niamh was allowed to accompany her sister on her travels across Ferelden along with Wynne. She formed a fast friendship with Leliana early on, and it eventually led to heavy infatuation on Niamh’s end, but it stuttered to an abrupt halt when she realized her sister was also in love with the bard. Believing that she had nothing of worth to offer to Leliana as a mere mage, Niamh buried her feelings for the other woman, watching from afar as she fell for Saoirse.

Saoirse was as bold as all great heroes could ever hope to be, and so she was well-suited for Leliana, but it was Niamh who tempered much of her sister’s impulsiveness, especially when it came to matters of diplomacy.

---

"Can't we just--"

"No." Niamh just kept her gaze forward as they walked out of the Deep Roads, refusing to look at her sister.

"But it's a good idea!" Saoirse insisted earnestly.

"Saoirse, in no world where you throw the crown at the two candidates for Orzammar's throne and expect the least most concussed to be King can ever be considered a 'good idea,'" Niamh deadpanned.

---

Yet, for all her brilliance with tactics and matters of negotiation, Niamh was unable to convince Saoirse to allow Morrigan to use her Dark Ritual despite knowing it would have saved any of the Grey Wardens from being sacrificed. Worse, her sister made her promise not to tell Leliana of Saoirse’s own plans to slay the Archdemon in the final battle.

As expected, it resulted in Saoirse’s death.

Racked with guilt over never telling Leliana the truth of the matter, and believing she had been left the last of the Couslands--a mage that Thedas would have never recognized--she disappeared following the end of the Fifth Blight. Niamh placed herself in a self-imposed exile abroad for over a decade until news of a Conclave by Divine Justinia was brought to her attention. The Divine had hoped to bring together both sides of the Mage-Templar War and negotiate its end.

For Niamh, this led her to return to Ferelden. It was her last hope to see if the world could finally begin to change for the better.

Instead, she was given a far different destiny...

COMBAT & SKILLS

Preferred fighting style: She prefers keeping herself at range on the battlefield, for it allows her to better survey it. She sees everything like an intricate chess game, and she always tries to place herself and her team at the best advantage to overcome their opponents.

As a mage, Niamh incorporates a lot of staffwork in her fighting, especially when it comes to casting magic. However, when she was living abroad, she had to learn to adjust her fighting style altogether so that she would never be suspected of being a mage. As such, she taught herself to fight with spears and polearms, as they were still similar enough to normal staff-fighting that it wouldn’t require a completely new foundation with which to work from.

Because the new style of fighting required her to be within relatively close quarters of her enemies, she learned to try and limit the time of the engagement with them as much as possible with quick, brutal strikes. That methodology happens regardless of how many opponents there are. A quick takedown means a much quicker escape after all. As a runaway apostate, she couldn’t risk leaving a trail of bodies behind her wherever she went.

Special skills: Niamh is specialized in all the elemental houses of magic although she favors lightning the most. During her time with the Inquisition, she also specialized in necromancy--much to the surprise of many.

RELATIONSHIPS

Family: Of the renowned Couslands, only she and her older brother Fergus remain, but despite their years apart(she honestly didn’t know that he survived the Battle of Ostagar until she returned to Ferelden in 9:41), they remain loving and supportive as always toward one another. Of her late mother’s family, the Mac Eanraigs, she gets along well with them, especially her Aunt Eithne (who will be making her first official appearance in chapter 24 of OtSttCA).

Love interest: Leliana (although they won’t be an official couple until close to chapter 30 or so)

Best friends: Dorian, Sera, and Cole. She views the three of them like younger siblings, which was an admittedly odd feeling for her at first, given that she’s the youngest of her own siblings.

Of her other companions, she is also closest to Vivienne although Niamh sees her more like a fond, maternal figure than a best friend. She greatly respects how the older woman was able to take her status as a mage and turn it into a position of power within the Orlesian Imperial Court, especially when so very little of it was ever afforded to their people. When it comes to the mage allies she gathered from Redcliffe, she trusts Vivienne’s judgment in overseeing them along with the Knight-Enchanters Niamh requested of her back in chapter 13, especially since Niamh travels so much between missions. Then, when it comes to just about anything regarding Orlais, she goes to Vivienne as much as Leliana or Josephine, mostly wanting the insight of a mage in regards to the culture and politics seen there.

Then, of her War Council, Leliana and Josephine are her absolute favorites. Niamh and Leliana have so much history between them that it’s impossible to separate themselves from one another, and she appreciates Josephine’s sweet nature as well as her diplomatic acumen.

PERSONALITY

Positive traits: Her adaptability. There’s an almost... chameleon-like nature to Niamh at times. As such, she can acclimate herself to whatever her environment asks of her and find a way to thrive in spite of it all. She’s also quite intelligent. Ever the eternal student, she constantly looks to expand her wealth of knowledge. Had she not been born a mage, she likely would have done well as a scholar in the world of Thedas. Niamh is also benevolent, always seeking to place more kindness into the world rather than contributing to the bad already within it.

Negative traits: After years of being taught rather toxic, religious doctrine from the Chantry in regards to mages, Niamh has rather low self-esteem, especially when it comes to the subject of love. She doesn’t believe herself worthy of Leliana for instance. As brilliant as she is, her mind can be rather restless at times. This can lead to overthinking outside of any tactical or official setting, which tends to feed back on her latent anxiety as a leader. Then, having spent a decade constantly on the move, she’s not used to staying still for long periods of time, which lends itself to some trouble, especially if she’s injured. She is quite literally the worst patient ever. :P

Likes: Storms, the ocean, mabari, tea, strategy games, sweets, books, art

Dislikes: The Chantry, Templars, discriminatory behavior, incivility,

Fears: The Rite of Tranquility, outright failure as a leader

Guilty Pleasure: Niamh has the most terrible sweet tooth. If given half the chance, she’d get her entire day’s sustenance through sweets alone. She actually does like fashion; she just couldn’t allow herself to indulge in it since her nomadic lifestyle before joining the Inquisition didn’t permit such luxury. She’d happily window-shop the entire day away if given the opportunity.

Hobbies: Sketching, painting, crafting, reading, chess

#OC introduction #Niamh Cousland #...i really do ramble a lot don't i? lol #Niamh FAQ

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darriness · 4 years

Text

Klaine Fic - You’ll Always Be The Home - Epilogue

Author: darriness

Fic Summary: Everything is finally settled in Kurt and Blaine’s life…right?

Link to: Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5

Rating: T

Chapter Word Count: 1653

Chapter Summary: Beginnings

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, liking, reblogging, and just generally being supportive. Could not have done this without my beta @darrenismydarcy. And just a side note: the title of this fic comes from a Backstreet Boys song :) Enjoy!

AO3 Link

*Two Years Later*

“Libby! Come here, Libby! Do you want a cookie? Come get the cookie?”

“Do not degrade my niece in such a way!” Bethany admonishes, picking up the baby currently trying her damndest to walk between the couches. She hugs her to her chest and strokes her hair.

Aiden, who had been the one attempting to get the baby to come to him, laughs from the couch, “What was degrading about what I said? And...I’m pretty sure she’s my niece, too.”

Bethany rolls her eyes, “You called her ‘Libby’.” She shudders at the name like it personally offends her, “That is just so wrong. Right, Bethy?” She says, moving her face down so she can look the baby in the eye, “We Beth’s have to stick together!”

Aiden chuckles, “Coming from a girl who tells anyone and everyone to call her ‘Annie’.”

Bethany advances a couple of steps toward the nine-year-old on the couch before she’s interrupted, “Okaaaay.” Kurt says, walking into the room and scooping the baby from Bethany’s arm, “How about we not trade blows with my daughter in the middle?”

Bethany pouts slightly before sighing, “He called her Libby.”

Kurt laughs, “Yeah...because that’s her name.” He lifts the eleven-month-old over his head which makes her giggle, “Isn’t that right, Libby?” He says to her as she continues to squeal. He brings her down to rest in his arms again before turning to Bethany, “We’ve told you time and time again we couldn’t very well have two official Beth’s in the house.”

Bethany tries to hold her pout but ends up smiling, “But you named her after me.”

“We named her after Kurt.” Blaine says, coming into the room. He sidles up next to Bethany and bumps his hip with her lightly while she looks on in shock, “And you.” He adds, though this isn’t new information to any of them. He makes his way over to Kurt and tickles Libby’s neck which makes her squirm and take refuge by burying her face in Kurt’s chest, “Elizabeth Jane Anderson-Hummel. Named after her Papa and her aunt.”

“And the spitting image of her Daddy.” Kurt finishes with a smile.

It’s a conversation they have a lot and never get tired of. With her chubby cheeks, curly brown hair, and hazel eyes, Libby really is the girl version of Blaine. Almost every day of her eleven months, Kurt and Blaine have tried to find traits that may have come from their surrogate but have yet to find any and as time goes by they look less and less. She’s Libby. And she’s perfect. Even when she’s crying at all hours of the night and keeping the entire household awake.

“Hey, why didn’t you name her after me?” Aiden asks, standing up to join the others in the middle of the room.

Bethany sighs and slings her arm around the shorter boy, “Because, my dear pain in the neck, you have to be in the family for longer than two years to warrant a namesake.”

“I’ve been in the family nine years!” Aiden protests.

Bethany squints one eye closed, “Let me rephrase - we had to have known you existed longer than two years to warrant a namesake.”

Aiden scoffs in mock indignation as Bethany tightens her hold on his neck and brings her other hand up to give him a noogie. Aiden shouts in protest and attempts to wriggle free.

Blaine and Kurt watch on and can’t help but think, despite Bethany’s words, that Aiden feels like he’s been part of the family for longer than two years.

After their initial meeting, Kurt, Blaine, and Bethany had seen Aiden a few times over the following months. He snuck out of his house every time and, true to his word, never once got caught by their father. Eventually, and neither Kurt, Blaine, or Bethany knows exactly when, Aiden started showing up more and more, to the point where it felt like he spent more time at their house, a modest three bedroom townhouse they bought after their surrogate got pregnant, than he did at his own. He became part of their family.

Bethany, especially, treats him so. Kurt has postulated to Blaine that Bethany’s relationship with Aiden has been shaped a lot by her relationship growing up with Blaine. The fact that they met Aiden at the same age Bethany had been when she and Blaine were left on their own, she has taken it upon herself to fill that role for Aiden that Blaine had filled for her. He may not live with them full-time, or officially at all, but that doesn’t stop Bethany from trying to give him what their father couldn’t possibly.

Though whatever the reason, Kurt and Blaine can both agree that Bethany and Aiden’s relationship has done wonders for both of them. Aiden has loosened up considerably and become a more relaxed, carefree boy. Though he can still hold his own in a judging competition with Kurt (not that they’ve ever tried officially).

Bethany, in turn, has become more focussed, driven, and responsible…

Which brings them to this very day. A day Blaine has been dreading since he and Bethany left their parents’ house all those years ago. Today, Bethany, now more often than not going by Annie, Anderson starts college. And Blaine is not okay.

“All right,” Kurt says, breaking up the mini sibling scuffle, “We should probably head out. The car, and dorm orientation, are waiting.” He gestures with his head out the door before adjusting Libby and making his way out. Aiden jogs after him, asking if he can put Libby in her car seat.

When it’s just Blaine and Bethany in the living room, Bethany sighs as she looks out the open door.

“What’s up?” Blaine asks. The sigh had not been a particularly happy one.

Bethany has been over the moon to start college at Columbia. They may live in the same city as the university, but Bethany and Blaine came to the decision, after she had been accepted, that it was probably best, at least for the first year, for her to experience living in the dorms. She hasn’t stopped talking about it for months.

Bethany shrugs as she screws one of her toes into the carpet.

“Hey,” Blaine whispers, reaching out and grabbing her hand. She turns to look at him and Blaine can see tears swimming in her eyes. He sighs and pouts out his lower lip slightly, “Hey, now. What’s wrong?” He asks, pulling her to him in a hug.

She goes willing and cuddles into his chest, “I don’t think I can do this.” She whispers.

Blaine tuts, “Of COURSE you can do this. You are so ready for this. You are going to have an amazing time. And Kurt and I are just a phone call or subway ride away.”

“But I’m going to miss so much! What if Libby figures out walking or talking or doing her taxes when I’m not here!” The eighteen-year-old moans.

Blaine laughs, “Well, we will definitely call you if she starts doing her taxes.” He assures, before kissing Bethany’s head, “And you really are just a train or car ride away. I promise you, the moment it looks like Libby is going to do anything for the first time, I’ll call you.”

“Do you promise?” Bethany pouts.

“I promise.” Blaine says, even though he knows once Bethany starts her life at college, she isn’t going to be thinking about her niece here at home as much as she thinks she will.

Bethany pulls back, “And what about you?” She asks.

Blaine’s eyebrows go up, “What about me?” He asks, “You sort of missed my first steps on account of you not being born and them happening a good twenty-five years ago.”

Bethany laughs as she smacks Blaine’s chest lightly, “No!” She admonishes, “Are you going to be okay?” She asks.

Blaine gives her a small, sad smile, “I am going to be fine.” He says, “And besides you’re…”

“Only a car or train ride away.” Bethany finishes for him.

Blaine chuckles again, “Right.” He says softly before he looks her in the eyes very seriously, “You and I are not done needing each other, okay? I will always be here for you, Annie.”

Bethany’s eyes swim with more tears even as she smiles, “Right back atcha, big brother.”

The pair hug just as Kurt calls from the street for them to hurry up. They make their way out and Bethany gets into the back of the SUV with Aiden and Libby in her carseat.

Kurt grabs Blaine’s arm before he can get in with them. Blaine turns to him with his eyebrows raised in question.

“Are you going to be okay?” Kurt whispers.

Blaine gives him a sad smile, similar to the one he just gave Bethany, and shrugs, “I think so.” He says, “But...I might need to do some major crying when we get home.”

Kurt pouts his lips slightly and moves to bring Blaine’s hand to his mouth for a kiss, “Anything you need. I’m here for you.”

When Blaine was fifteen, he couldn’t have possibly imagined this moment, this day. He had been more worried about how to put food on the table and how to keep his seven-year-old sister alive for another day. And himself. His world had been irrevocably changed the night their parents abandoned them and yet, as he stands here right now, he wouldn’t change a single thing about any of it.

Not that night, not the two years after as they struggled to figure it out, not the year he and Kurt had broken up - none of it. It all brought him here. And ‘here’ feels like an amazing place to be.

He smiles at Kurt before tilting his head to the awaiting car and everything that still lays ahead.

The End

#klaine #klaine fanfiction #klaine fanfic #my loves #my stuff #you'll always be the home

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gerberbabey · 4 years

Text

euphoric | prologue | JJ Maybank (kinda? slowburn)

a/n: that euphoria!reader/outer banks concept i thought of is now just gonna be written into existence cus i might as well indulge myself. This’ll mention things from Euphoria (like characters and events, so possible spoilers if you’re planning to watch Euphoria) but it’s not technically a crossover? cus it stays in the OBX...but yeah.

lemme tell you rn, im a mess, im kinda high, and i suck at writing so if anyone would love to help me out here pls do (like pls i need help) also if anyone actually knows anything about OBX, NC, any of that, damn i could rlly use some help cus idk anything aside from the show

summary: set just a few weeks before the main plot, you literally just ended your sophomore year at East Highland and suddenly you’re moving from California to the Outer Banks.

masterlist | previous | next

warnings: cursing, lack of the pogues (sorry)

prologue - ♫ devil eyes by Hippie Sabotage ♫

It was one thing to be moving out of some town in California, it was another to be moving all the way across the goddamned country to live on an island off the coast of North Carolina. The sudden announcement had caused a variety of things to play out for you. Firstly, in an impulsive act of rebellion (of course after an argument had blown up between you and your parents), you had decided to stay at your friend Lexi’s house for 2 weeks. Aside from comfort you, Lexi didn’t really say anything about it and neither did her family. Her mom was pretty much the advocate for the whole “you do you, just don’t get pregnant or die” mindset when it came to teenagers.

When you realize that no act of rebelliousness or stupid teenage rioting would change your parents’ decision in the least (because it wasn’t really something they could change now that your clear head thought about it), you’d sucked it up and decided to just enjoy the last of your time with your friends.

By the time you’d come to that conclusion, school was gonna be let out in just a mere 3 weeks and (luckily for you) parties were already being thrown on weekdays. As much as you hated a majority of East Highland’s students you didn’t let that deter you from leaving with some good fucking memories.

Saying goodbye to all of your friends was more overwhelming than the actual move itself if you were being completely honest. Getting on the plane and flying off to North Fucking Carolina was more of a numbing experience. It was like you couldn’t really feel anything anymore after having to say goodbye to the friends and the life you had known.

“I think we’ve just used every method of transportation in one day,” you stated as you walked away from the ferry and toward the van that your parents had rented to help with the move.

“You’re trippin’, we didn’t even ride a train,” your older brother, Isaiah, pointed out as he squinted at the van. Barely 30 minutes in the Outer Banks and you were sweating your ass off already. Not that you weren’t used to something like heat, Southern California could be pretty brutal in the summer, but this was a fucking island. The air was damp and musty and the fabric of your clothes felt like it was melting into your skin.

“What are you, the fucking transportation police, Jesus,” you mumbled as you shot him a look before forcing yourself to settle into the van.

The ride to your new house wasn’t anything too terrible considering you decided to just put in your AirPods and close your eyes with the thought that, maybe you’ll fall asleep, and once you woke up this whole thing would be some fucked up dream. Sure your phone vibrated with messages within your group chat but your mind was too boggled from the heat and from the move for you to even think about responding.

____________________________

“Do you guys see those moving trucks too or am I just imagining things?” John B pointed out as the HMS Pogue drove at a leisurely pace through the waters.

“You’re not imagining anything, just a new kook family moving into Figure 8,” Kie piped up from where she was relaxing.

School had let out not only a few days ago when her mom had let her know about the new family that would be moving in just a few houses down from their own. She’d told Kie that she had met the mother a few weeks back and basically relayed any and all information she’d gained about the new family.

“My mom said that they’re like business owners or something? They have three kids and they’re moving here from California,” Kie explained and JJ let out a whistle.

“Big move,” he took a hit of his Juul before forming an ‘o’ with his mouth and exhaling out the smoke.

“Yeah can’t imagine why someone would wanna move from California to here,” Pope raised his eyebrows as their group watched movers bustle back and forth as though they were an army of ants.

“Well why wouldn’t they, it’s the Outer Banks, “Paradise on Earth’,” John B declared and JJ let out a whoop in agreement as the boat sped off toward the marsh.

____________________________

“I know I promised that I wouldn’t complain or whatever but it’s sooooo hot,” your younger sister, Bethanie, whined with a stomp of her foot. You scoffed as you stepped out of the van after her. You watched with a raised brow as men bustled about the new (large) house that you would have to begin calling home. The house was not modest in the least and you couldn’t help but balk a little at the sight.

Sure you weren’t poor or anything but considering the ridiculously high cost of living that came with residing in California, this place was definitely more indulging than your old house.

“We’re on an island in the middle of summer, you moron,” Isaiah was quick to retort as he began taking luggage out of the back off the van. You took your attention off the house before you as you pulled your sunglasses from your eyes and settled them at the top of your head. You glanced between your two siblings and you prepared to watch your older brother lose a battle against your younger sister. Again.

“Mom! Zaya just called me a moron!”

“Bea, oh my god, I was kidding!” the eldest was quick to defend himself as the youngest ran off to their mother.

“No, you weren’t!” her fading voice called out and Isaiah threw his head back in frustration.

“Ok really, what did you expect?” you raised your brows at your brother and tried not to laugh at him as he flipped you off.

“Why is she such a snitch? Seriously, like were you this much of a snitch?”

“I mean I could’ve been, but I know that if I snitch on you, your stupid ass would snitch on me,” you pointed out matter of factly as a man shut the trunk of the van and waved you and your brother off so that him and another man could begin to take your luggage inside.

“Damn you’re right. I thank you for your service,” Isaiah saluted you and you let out a laugh as you settled your cat-eye sunglasses back onto the bridge of your nose. There was a short moment of silence before you sighed heavily.

“I really think I’m gonna hate this place…” you said, and Isaiah hummed in response but made no reply. He didn’t need to point out the defeat or the seriousness in your tone because he felt it just as badly.

“Hey, mom says you guys have to settle into your rooms and change,” Bea came running out of the front door, dressed in an entirely new outfit. You and Isaiah cut your moping short and gave each other looks of disbelief.

“Why?” you questioned and Bea shrugged without care.

“We’re gonna have dinner with Dad’s coworker or something, the Cameron’s, I don’t know.”

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holidayblindspot · 5 years

Text

Season of Hate/Season of Love (part 3/3)

The third and final part of rAnsomedr0gue’s seasonal Reller fic. She doesn’t have a Tumblr account, but I do give her a link to these posts, so please do comment and let her know what you think!

Previous parts are HERE and HERE.

***

Remi wakes with a start, a silent scream still caught in her throat.

It was a nightmare, she realizes. Kurt, getting beaten to death in an alleyway. Arriving too late, sobbing even though there’s no one there to pretend for.

She turns to see if she’s disturbed his sleep and groans when she realizes he’s not in bed. Remi wonders if she reached out for him in the middle of the night, the way her body often does, and hurt him by accident. She had told him she would sleep in the other room, wary of his injuries. But he’d insisted he needed her near him to rest and she had been unreasonably relieved to be able to stay.

It had been a long night of x-rays, CT scans, various other medical procedures. Eventually he’d received nine stitches for a cut above his left eyebrow and been diagnosed with three broken ribs and a concussion. Not bad considering the doctor had been worried about a skull fracture, bleeding in his brain. And about as well as possible considering how he’d looked when she found him in the alley.

Remi shudders, exhales the bad memory. There had been a lot of blood and it hadn’t been immediately obvious that none of it was life-threatening. Her heart had frozen in her chest until he sat up, tried to pretend he was okay. Of course all she could do then was hold him in pure relief, none of it an act.

However much she needs to get rid of him, Remi can’t deny the way it had felt to cradle his stupid heroic self. Her moronic pretend FBI husband who somehow survived an encounter with an armed giant intent on murder suicide. On Christmas Eve.

They’d gone to dinner and he’d saved their server’s life. She was almost glad he’d forgotten his gun or else he’d be insufferable about being right. As it was, he seemed to think his mistake nullified any reason to praise him and had kept apologizing for ruining their night. Even though she told him countless times that she wasn’t upset, kind of wanted to punch him in his already-concussed head for even thinking it.

Remi gets up, really hopes to find him sleeping in the spare room. But when she opens the bedroom door she sees him in the kitchen, making coffee and pulling out breakfast ingredients.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Weller says, looking up as her with a smile. “Merry Christmas.”

Remi sighs, shakes her head at him.

“You should be resting,” she admonishes. “I can make breakfast, you need to take it easy.”

Weller shakes his head at her then winces and frowns at the movement.

“I couldn’t sleep, and you needed the rest. We were at the hospital until past two and I know you didn’t fall asleep for awhile,” he argues. “Besides, Allie’s going to be here soon with Bee and I promised her French toast with berry sauce.”

Remi walks over to him, feels an almost primal need to touch him growing in her gut. Wraps her arms around his hips from behind, rests her head between his shoulders gently.

“Merry Christmas, Kurt,” she rumbles into his back. “I am so thankful you’re here.”

There’s still so much truth to that statement that she’s momentarily stunned. While Remi had come to accept that some part of her cared about Weller, she’d never been forced to confront the extent of it. But seeing a beast of a man about to break his head, that had made her react so strongly that it was impossible to ignore. And she hasn’t shaken it yet, the fear of losing him.

Kurt turns carefully until her head is just above his collarbone, lying on top of the bullet burn across his chest. It’s hard to even think about it. A bullet that close to his heart, the slightest change in angle and he’d be gone.

Remi looks up at his bruised face, the dried blood on the gauze over his stitches. He’s already developed quite a shiner on his left eye and makes him look soft yet hard, reminds her exactly what he’s like.

“Did you tell Allie what happened?” she asks, thinking of little Bee, how she’s going to react to Weller’s appearance.

“Yeah,” Kurt sighs. “She was pretty upset.”

“Hmmm,” Remi replies. “Yeah well, having to tell Bethany that her Christmas Day visit with daddy is cancelled because he’s dead would probably ruin a lifetime of Christmases for both of them. So I think she has the right.”

“She called me a dumbass about ten times in five minutes,” he groans.

Remi hides a grin into his chest, enjoys it that Allie can call Kurt on his shit so readily.

“And I couldn’t even defend myself. I forgot my gun!” he exclaims irritably. “I’m never going to live it down. I shouldn’t even be here.”

She can feel him suddenly tense up in her arms, become taut with self-blame, what ifs.

Oh Kurt, she thinks. Only Weller could feel bad about getting beat up in an alley while saving a woman’s life.

“Hey, hey,” she mutters into his ear. “Calm down, Kurt. You know she’s just worried about you and that’s how it comes out.”

Remi briefly pictures Allie spitting fire and tears, everyone sobbing. Yet again she is so glad he’s still there, that she isn’t spending Christmas crying with his family, mourning with his team. She’s also pretty darn thankful that her earlier self didn’t kill him back when she hated him more.

The truth is so glaring, it’s impossible to ignore. She had failed again. Made the same mistake twice. Apparently Kurt Weller was her fucking kryptonite.

And here she is, Christmas day, trying to comfort him, his pounding heart under her ear. Thinking how he can be so fragile with her, how it should make her feel disdainful. She has no time for emotions other than anger, hate.

But it’s Kurt, and it’s so sad to see him hurting. So maybe she has the time, a whole day in fact. With overly emotional Weller, who she inexplicably loves.

“Breathe,” she says. Rubs her hand up and down his spine, relishes the warmth of his body up against hers.

Weller must finally hear her because he takes five deep breaths and then lets out a tired sigh. Remi looks up at him, at his face pale and exhausted eyes.

“Did you sleep at all?” she asks, fairly sure she already knows the answer.

He shakes his head just slightly and she can tell he has a bad headache. No wonder he’s especially reactive; he hasn’t slept and is obviously still in pain. He is in no condition to deal with a toddler on Christmas Day, even one that is usually quite well-behaved. And he is going to be extremely upset with himself if anything goes wrong, that she already knows. Which she really doesn’t want.

Kurt deserves a nice day, Remi thinks uncharacteristically. He’s been trying so hard.

“Look, it’s just six am,” she says. “Allie isn’t due until eight, I’m going to text her and get her to bring Bee at eleven instead. You can make French toast for brunch if you insist but only if you get some sleep between now and then.”

She sees Weller forming a ‘no’ with his lips and she shushes him with a finger.

“She’s a toddler, Kurt. She won’t have any idea we started Christmas three hours later than planned. And you need some rest if there’s any hope that this day will turn out the way you want it to. So I’m going to clean your cut and you’re going to close your eyes and relax. Do you want to do this on the couch or the bed?”

Remi wears a look that brooks no argument and, for once, Weller doesn’t try to fight her.

“Couch,” he sighs.

She smiles her relief and takes his hand silently, leads him over to the couch. He is surprisingly docile considering how tense he still is and she thinks he must just be so tired he can’t bother to resist.

Remi starts by sitting him down on the sofa, helping him find a comfortable position for his sore body. Knows from experience the constant pain of broken ribs, how hard it is to get proper rest when it hurts just to lie down. When he’s finally settled, Weller leans his head against the back of the couch, closes his eyes when she can’t help but sift her fingers through his hair.

She fetches the first aid kit and a couple ice packs then returns to tend to Kurt. It’s strange, to want to take care of him, to not be pretending anymore, not even to herself. She remembers when he first got out of the hospital after that abdominal abscess surgery, being disgusted at having to change his bandages. How she had made sure to be ‘accidentally’ too rough as often as she could.

Now she gently wipes at his stitches until all the dried blood has loosened off, ensures that his cut is neat and clean before brushing her lips against his wound, another small soft moment that’s hard to reconcile with her usual hard self. It’s entirely worth it though when he dons a sleepy grin at the kiss, blindly reaches for her hand.

Remi responds automatically, grasps his hand tightly and weaves her fingers between his. She brings their hands up to her lips, plants a kiss on his thumb. Then impulsively she brings their matched hands to her own chest, holds them there against her heartbeat.

It’s a thing that Kurt does and it’s always made her feel uncomfortable. It’s much too intimate, more emotional than kissing or sex because she can feel how special it is to Jane. So of course she’s never thought to initiate it before, but at the moment Remi instinctively knows it will soothe him.

His eyes flicker open for a moment and settle on their hands against her heart. He’s wearing a soft satisfied smile, looks at with such love that she feels tears rise unexpectedly, turns to blinks them away before glancing back to see if Kurt’s noticed.

But thankfully he’s already fallen asleep, his lips still wearing a gentle upwards curve. So she kisses his hand one more time before letting it go, resists the urge to run her fingers through his scruffy hair again. Stands up and looks down at him fondly, so glad he’s getting some rest before the small whirlwind known as his daughter arrives.

There’s a chance she will still need to kill him. But first he’s going to have the Christmas he deserves with his daughter and a wife that loves him. Even if it’s not his wife.

***

Kurt wakes to a tender kiss, thinks it must be one of those dreams where you think you’ve woken up but you’re still dreaming.

He keeps his eyes closed for a moment, not wanting the experience to end. It feels so real, like a memory come to life. Jane wanting to touch him, initiating physical contact. A fragment of their lives before they found out she was sick.

Finally, he has to see for himself and opens his eyes, confirms that he’s curled up on the couch and Jane is leaning over him, her lips on his.

I should almost die more often, he thinks idly. It’s the closest she’s been for so long.

Of course that thought is immediately followed with a wave of guilt, the thought that she should not have to be worrying about him on Christmas. Especially considering it was all due to his own stupidity.

He tries to wipe away the negative mood, revel in the moment as Jane trails a line of kisses from his mouth to his jaw and then up to his bruised eye. She finishes with her lips against his left temple, her breath warm in his ear.

“Time to wake up,” she whispers. “Allie and Bee are going to be here in less than an hour.”

Jane stands up and he reaches for her reflexively, too aroused to think about his movements. Then immediately pays for it when his broken ribs remind him of reality, jolt him awake with a grunt of pain.

Jane passes him some ibuprofen and a glass of water without commenting on the pathetic noise he just made. She is being so good to him, he can’t help but revel in it. Even though he feels unmanly somehow, letting her take care of him while she’s sick. Especially because his injuries are entirely his own fault.

He forgot to bring his gun to a gun fight. It’s so ridiculous he can’t even think about it.

Vaguely he knows he’s being hard on himself when he should focus on the fact that it’s Christmas and he’s about to spend the day with his daughter and his wife, the two people he loves most. But it’s so easy to think about what could have been, how the hell Jane would have explained it to Allie and Bee.

“Kurt, snap out of it,” she says, as if she’s reading his mind. “Everything’s fine. Christmas is going to be great.”

Weller tries to focus on Jane, is thankful that the pounding in his head has ebbed to a minor throb after some sleep. He tells himself to believe her words, that he isn’t going to ruin the day by being a mopey bastard. That he has a wife who loves him, a daughter he adores.

“Do you want to try and shower before they come?” she asks.

As much as he likes the idea of coercing Jane into the shower with him, reality sinks in quickly when it takes all he has just to pull himself into a sitting position, get his feet on the ground. Every movement makes his broken ribs grate painfully and he wonders how he’s going to deal with Bee flinging herself at him the way she usually does.

“Uh, I don’t know if I can,” he admits.

“I thought you might say that,” Jane replies sympathetically. “So I started running the bath. I think that’ll be easier.”

Kurt looks up at her gratefully, takes the hand she’s holding out to him and lets her gently help him up from the couch. When he’s standing he expects her to let go but she keeps pulling him towards her until she can wrap her arms around him.

“Does your head feel better?” she asks, scrutinizing his eyes for clues.

He nods and manages not to wince, or feel sick. Definite improvement, he thinks.

“Good,” she sighs. “Now let’s see what a bath does for the rest of you.”

Jane turns and leads him to the washroom, sits him on the edge of the tub as she unbuttons and removes his pajama shirt. Then stands him up again to drop his pants to his ankles, help him step out of the and into the bath without jostling his ribs too much.

She lets him get settled in the tub before starting to bathe him, running a soapy washcloth over his lurid bruises, gently rubbing shampoo into his hair. Despite all his injuries, it feels fantastic to just sit there in the hot water, let it soothe his aching body as Jane scrubs him clean, rinses him off and then helps him stand up, wraps him in a giant towel.

Life with Jane is the best present he could ever imagine. On Christmas or any other day. Even when he’s an achy mess, feels down on himself.

Kurt lets her lead him into their bedroom, sit him on the bed and finish toweling him off. Then she lightly rubs analgesic muscle relaxant over his chest, frowning at the all mottled bruises already starting to darken.

He reminds himself not to tell her that it’s worth being in that much pain to have her touch him like that. No matter how true it is, it’s self-pitying, pathetic.

“That must hurt a lot,” she murmurs, running her fingers over the deep purple of his torso.

“I’m fine,” he grumbles.

“Liar,” she replies, a proud but exasperated look in her eyes. “I’ve put some clothes out for you then if you’re so fine. Get dressed, they’re going to be here in ten minutes.”

She leaves him to consider his mistake as he stares at the clothing, tries to mentally will it onto his body. Getting his boxers and a pair of sweatpants pulled up to his waist takes nearly five minutes and leaves him sweaty with the effort. He’s only managed to do up a few buttons on his shirt when there’s a knock at the front door and Weller’s suddenly filled with excitement, so ready to see Bethany that he forgets to worry about her being a human missile sometimes.

By the time he’s got his shirt done up Jane has already let Allie and Bee in and opens the door to their room to check on his progress, smiles when she sees he’s dressed.

“Looking good, Special Agent,” she teases as she steps aside to let him out the door.

His daughter must have been searching for him because she comes hurtling at him right as he steps out of the bedroom, clearly expecting to be swept up in his arms as usual. Kurt beams reflexively but then realizes his predicament, knows he’s going to end up shouting and scaring Bee if he tries to pick her up and that she’s going to be very disappointed if he doesn’t.

Thankfully Jane reads the situation perfectly and intercepts Bethany by sweeping her into a huge hug first before ‘flying’ her over to him and gently placing her in his arms. Even just supporting her toddler weight is a challenge but he manages to breathe through it as she wraps her arms around his neck and squeezes as hard as she can.

“Hi Daddy,” she screeches with glee. “Is Christmas!”

It’s insane that a drunken fuck up could have brought so much pure joy into his life. Maybe the only good thing to have come out of finding Taylor, arresting Jane.

“Hi Bee,” he replies enthusiastically. “Merry Christmas.”

He snuggles his daughter until his body screams and then Allie comes and pulls Bethany off of him, reminds her that they have to be gentle with daddy because he’s hurt.

“Daddy, owie,” Bee says, pointing at Kurt’s black eye and nodding seriously.

“Yeah, that’s a pretty big owie alright,” Allie agrees as she passes Bee off to Jane and steps forward to wrap him into a hug.

“We would have both been devastated,” she mutters into his ear. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

She holds him for a lot longer than expected and there’s a shimmer to her eyes when she finally lets go and runs her thumb over his bruised face.

“Now make us that goddamned berry French toast that Bee won’t shut up about,” she demands.

“Yes, ma’am,” Weller replies, still a bit stunned at how emotional everyone is being about him. He still feels guilty extracting sympathy for having made such a monumental error. But he can’t deny that it does feel good to be cared about, especially on Christmas.

He walks over to the kitchen and starts making a berry compote while Jane and Bee examine the ornaments on the tree and Allie quietly asks him for details on the previous night. He gives her the full blow by blow, knows she won’t let it go until he does. But at least she refrains from calling him any names, just shakes her head at him when he admits why he hadn’t been wearing his holster.

Weller serves up breakfast, but somewhat disastrously forgets he’s not supposed to laugh when Bethany’s eyes light up maniacally at the powdered sugar being dusted on her French toast.

The laughing leads to a moment of panicked pain, then some wracked coughing before his ribs stop screaming at him and his vision clears up.

He hadn’t even noticed Jane getting up to rub his back, Allie distracting Bethany by feeding her breakfast, telling her that there was nothing to be worried about. He feels so useless and horrible in the moment, frightening his little girl by sputtering in pain, unable to even laugh without screwing things up.

But then he hears Jane muttering in his ear, telling him to breathe, that the pain is only temporary, that he’s going to be okay. And, once his heart rate settles, the panic in his chest fades too, lets him look up and smile reassuringly at Bee, who instantly changes her little toddler frown into a matching grin.

“Sorry honey,” he apologizes, walking over to kiss his daughter. “I didn’t mean to scare you. How’s your French toast?”

“Yummy!” she shouts, any fear clearly already forgotten.

Bethany shows off her berry-stained smile, reaches up for another hug. He wants to pick her up but realizes it’s a bad idea just as Jane comes around and scoops Bee up towards him so she can wrap her sticky hands around his neck and he can hug them both without the risk of dropping his kid or crying out in pain.

Kurt stands there, one arm wrapped around his daughter, the other around his wife. Sees Allie smiling broadly as she takes a photo of their cute Christmas moment.

What would he do without the women in his life?

Certainly he’d be a mess. Probably miserable and alone, wallowing in guilt. Not feeding his daughter her favourite ‘bewwy’ sauce, stealing fruity holiday kisses from his wife.

Somehow his near fatal mistake hasn’t ruined things, and he feels so loved it brings tears to his eyes again. Which doesn’t make any sense to him, that he could screw up so badly yet things could turn out so perfectly. But for once he’s not going to overthink the issue, is just going to accept his incredibly good fortune. After all, it’s rather fitting that his best Christmas with Jane involves a life or death incident, broken ribs and a concussion.

***

She was raised on hardness, no time for sentiment. The only love she and Roman had ever experienced after the death of their birth parents was tough love, even for each other. A product of a life of harsh environments, intense competition, where affection was a rare commodity to be hoarded.

Remi always thought, was always afraid, that she didn’t know how to love. Even with all her boyfriends, even with Oscar. Because she was so steeped in hate, raised on it. She thought she’d loved Oscar, but then she had left him so readily, could have easily chosen not to. The mission had meant so much more than what she felt for Oscar, it was all that really mattered to her.

Somehow she knows it hadn’t been nearly as easy for Jane to leave Kurt, that she only managed to force herself away because her presence put them in danger. Jane left to save him, give him a life with his kid. Because he was what mattered to her, nothing else.

It’s what made her so jealous, angry. That Jane got the chance she never had. A blank slate. A chance at love.

Because how could Remi have learned love from a mother that was willing to sacrifice her own daughter?

She watches as Weller helps Bethany push a giant snowball through the park, makes her clap and shout with happiness as he picks it up gingerly and puts it on top of the one they had previously made.

“Okay, now we just need a head,” he comments. “One more snowball?”

“One more!” Bee hollers, already smashing snow together to get things started.

It is beyond obvious that there is nothing Kurt Weller would ever sacrifice his daughter for. That he would hurt anyone that even suggested it.

What’s troubling is that, right now, she feels the same way. She wouldn’t trade Bethany’s life for anything, not even to free Shepherd. It’s an unsettling feeling to realize that her terrorist goal of regime change can suddenly not mean anything when love is in play. That she will never be able to kill Kurt Weller, even if she keeps telling herself she will, even if her mission requires it.

As if to prove the point, Remi’s chest warms as she looks up to see Kurt and Bee charging up to her, all rosy cheeks and soggy gear. The moment of affection costs her as she realizes too late that it’s an ambush and can’t avoid the oncoming barrage of snowballs, takes hit after hit before finally managing to scoop up some ammunition of her own, start firing back.

Thankfully Weller can’t really throw hard due to his ribs and she ends up turning Bethany into a double agent, sends her in for a sneak attack that ends up with the three of them soaking, Kurt asking for mercy. He’s got the look of a fevered young boy, joyous but exhausted when she reaches up to kiss his snow-cooled lips, their breath all steamy around them.

After the snow battle she scoops the tired child up in her arms and they walk home, Bee still awake enough to remember that she gets presents next. The toddler babbles on about Santa while Kurt walks beside them and beams at his kid. It is all sickeningly cute. But Remi loves it anyways, can even admit it at the moment.

Of course there’s hot chocolate once they’re back inside and changed into dry clothes, the sugar in the drink breathing energy back into Bethany. She starts in on her stocking, marveling at all the trinkets in the way only a two year old can. And Kurt is so relaxed, all smiles as he gives his daughter way too many presents, everything her little heart desires.

Remi watches and thinks about her own gift to Kurt, all the anxiety she has tied up around it. He’s made no mention of anything for her yet either, which seems out of character for him.

She still wonders if she made the right choice; it had been really difficult to come up with what Jane would give him. Other than more of those crime novels he’s obsessed with, except he already has all of them, of course.

Remi’s still thinking about it nervously when there’s a knock on the door and she looks at Weller, surprised. They aren’t expecting anyone else for Christmas and Allie isn’t due back until dinner. But she notes that Kurt is looking at the door with a rather self-satisfied expression as she gets up to answer it.

When she opens the door and Avery is standing there shouting Merry Christmas, Remi realizes she should have guessed. Even though Avery didn’t know about Jane’s diagnosis, had been spending the holidays with a best friend from home. Kurt would have wanted Jane to have at least one Christmas with her daughter, would have found a way.

“Merry Christmas! Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re here!” Remi exclaims, her emotions all stirred up. She wraps Avery into a hug, bites down hard on her own lip. She had not expected this, has to blink away tears.

“Yeah, and I brought your other gift from Kurt too,” Avery replies cryptically. “Because he’s incapacitated. I just have to haul it in.”

Curiosity piqued, Remi stands there, feels Kurt approach from behind. He wraps his arms around her waist, leans into her gently.

“I didn’t tell her your diagnosis,” he whispers in her ear. “I just said you weren’t feeling well and it was her idea to come.”

“Sure it was,” Remi replies as she turns to face him.

Kurt grins, looks so fucking proud of himself.

“Merry Christmas Jane,” he says fondly.

“Thank you, Kurt,” she replies, the damn tears threatening again. She had never expected to meet her daughter, much less spend Christmas with her.

Avery returns with a gigantic beanbag chair and Remi grins genuinely at the ridiculous object. Kurt had found her lounging in one after an exhausting day arresting criminals ended in a furniture warehouse. She had been so comfortable she was almost asleep when Weller surprised her by leaping on top of her, then snuggling in beside her.

Now she can admit it had been pretty cute. Special Agent Weller all curled up on the job in a giant beanbag. The image comes back to her head, makes her smile again at the memory.

They pull the chair into the apartment and Bee looks at it with wide eyes, then shyly runs up to the big sister she’s only recently met. Avery pulls the toddler into a hug and then tosses her into the beanbag, much to Bethany’s delight.

“More!” she shouts, clearly an adrenaline junkie like her parents.

Remi takes over the task of entertaining Bethany to give Avery a chance to talk to Kurt. He seems to understand her daughter better than she does, gets on just fine with her even after Avery helped set him up, almost destroyed his marriage.

“I can’t believe you got shot on Christmas Eve,” Avery frowns, wrapping her arms gingerly around Kurt. “That is not cool.”

“I didn’t get shot, the bullet barely touched me,” Weller grumbles. “I’m fine.”

“If there was blood from a bullet, you got shot,” Avery argues. “And yea, you look so fine. How would you feel if I hugged you a little tighter?”

Remi grins at Avery’s demanding, worried tone, Weller’s useless attempts to deflect her concern. Finding her daughter as a result of ZIP-ping herself was the most unlikely result she could have ever imagined. She had never let herself think about searching for her, Shepherd would have never allowed it. But the chance to meet her kid, see how she’d turned out. It meant even more to her than she realized.

A bit later, just before dinner, they’ve somehow all managed to squeeze onto the beanbag, even Weller and his sore ribs. Remi looks at her fake family and thinks she’s never had a Christmas like this. For her it’s been a childhood of stark loveless military style holidays, an adulthood that had no space for celebratory love.

She realizes it’s time to give Kurt her present, suddenly feels extremely anxious. Remi is not a timid person, yet she’s nervous about this, really hopes she got it right. It had been a real conundrum; one she couldn’t exactly ask anyone for help with. She had tried so hard to think like Jane, channel her hated alter ego for this one favour. And of course Jane would think about about what matters most to Weller, would give him something straight from the heart.

Remi extracts herself from the heap of bodies, goes and gets the present from under the tree. Passes it to Kurt who’s just about managed to sit up in the big floppy chair.

“Merry Christmas, Kurt,” she says shyly.

He opens it carefully, looks a bit apprehensive himself. When it’s finally out of the wrapping, he stares at it wordlessly for a long time, then looks up at her with moist eyes.

“It’s perfect,” he says.

Remi feels all her worry fall away, warmth pumping through her heart.

“Daddy and Jane and Avewy and meeeeeee!” Bethany calls out, pointing at the framed drawing in Kurt’s lap.

Weller smiles broadly, his eyes still glistening.

“It sure is, Bee,” he replies. “It’s beautiful, Jane.”

It’s all Kurt Weller wants, what he loves best. His wife, his little girl. His big girl that he readily takes responsibility for, because that’s the kind of man he is.

And if she can give it to him, even just for a day? He deserves it. For Christmas.

Remi crawls back into the beanbag, snuggles up against Kurt who’s lying back, still staring at the picture with a satisfied smile.

“I’m glad you like it,” she says, settling in close beside him.

Weller passes the drawing over so Avery and Bethany can see, turns his attention to his wife. The look in his eyes is overly expressive, the way it always is for her.

“I love it,” he replies.

“And I love you,” he adds, with an air of reverence.

“She knows,” Avery groans. “You tell her all the time.”

Remi laughs, nuzzles her nose into the crook of Kurt’s neck.

“I know,” she murmurs. “I love you too.”

She could never have seen this coming, Love, a family. Making her teenager scurry off to check on dinner by kissing her husband too passionately on an absurd piece of furniture.

The thing is, it’s not her life. It doesn’t belong to her. She should be so very disdainful of it.

Remi had woken up six months ago with a husband she hated voraciously, alone and spiteful in a world gone wrong. But if someone came in tonight to try and tried to hurt him, she knows she would defend him to her last breath. Even though it would mean failing her mission, giving up on Shepherd.

Because he’s a good-hearted stubborn bastard, Mr tough guy Fed with a thoughtful loving soul. And right now she wants this more than anything. For him and for herself. Their family all together on a perfect Christmas day, Kurt at peace with himself, feeling loved.

Even if it isn’t really her family, even if she has to give it all back to Jane one day. This is her Christmas present to her other self.

I saved him for you, Jane, she thinks as he trails pre-dinner kisses up her neck. And gave him the Christmas he deserved.

Because Kurt Weller won her over too. Screwed things up epically by making her love him, giving her the best goddamned Christmas of her life.

#season of hate/season of love #jeller #reller #remi/kurt #blindspot #blindspot in a winter wonderland

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worldevoured · 4 years

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miscellany on katheryn hawke ( a collection of older text posts )

re: religion —

katheryn is an atheist – at least in theory? in her view, if there is a maker, and he abandoned his own people, then she doesn’t want a damned thing from him anyway. and sometimes she thinks that there is a maker and he has turned their back on them and she’d like very much to march into the golden city and give him hell. she stops believing when she’s fairly young – around the first time she hears a templar refer to magic as evil, and looks at bethany and thinks that nothing she does could ever be evil – and losing carver only makes it that much worse. [ original post ]

re: her siblings —

1. there are a few things that can really drain katheryn of any self-control she has. bethany being taken hostage is one of them.

# (someone remind me to yell abt this later bc kat goes a little bananas any time bethany is threatened) # (she has to be physically held back from striking meredith when meredith threatens her) # ('you have a sister in the circle' says meredith) # ('stop it' say anders and aveline in unison as they each grab one of kat's arms and restrain her) [ original post ]

2. hi here’s your daily reminder that katheryn hawke misses carver every single day and that the day she lost him was the absolute worst day of her life and that she would do anything to have her little brother back

# (carver was kat's favorite and k&c were close and kat would have gone to ostagar with carver whether or not leandra asked) # (kat thinks about carver all the time and she misses him constantly !!!) [ original post ]

3. the first and only time that kat goes into a chantry to pray in her adult life, it’s when they arrive at kirkwall, and kat goes to try and pray for carver because she’s desperate to believe that there’s some kind of loving god who took her brother to his side. it’s the one time that kat, as an atheist, wants so badly to believe in something. she sits in the chantry and she stares ahead of her and she tries to pray but she can’t find anything to say that doesn’t come down to how could you take him away from me and why the fuck wasn’t it me instead and when she finally does manage to make a sound it’s just to weep, legs bent and close to her chest and face buried in her knees.

# (and she hates that they don't have anything of carver's !!! it makes her fucking miserable !!! she wishes so much she had anything of his) [ original post ]

re: gamlen —

after leandra’s death, kat visits her uncle on a weekly basis, at the very least. she invites him, regularly, to move in with her – they have plenty of room at the house, and it seems silly to leave it all empty. gamlen is always too proud to accept it, but it doesn’t stop her from asking. she also meets him at the hanged man semi-regularly for cards and to buy him a drink. when she visits at the beginning of act three, and he says that malcolm produced an incredible daughter, and that she’s the only family he has left, she flings her arms around him and hugs him as tightly as she can.

when she goes on the run, she stops to say goodbye to him – it’s dangerous, but she can’t leave without telling him that she loves him, and she’s sorry to go, and that she’s so grateful to have had these years to get to know him. and before she leaves, she shoves the key to the mansion into his hand, and insists that someone needs to keep the house in order while she’s gone.

the visits are much fewer and farther between after that, but she writes regularly. and when she can, she comes by – always disguised, always grateful for whatever little time she has with him.

# (kat does love gamlen a lot and i wish i wish i wish we got to explore more of the gamlen & hawke dynamic in-game) # (she also eventually names a dog after him – and bc she's fereldan to her core he accepts that as the compliment it is) [ original post ]

re: happy endings —

the happy ending kat deserves is for her to settle into a little cottage in the brecilian forest with anders and bethany and a whole slew of cats, where she tries to grow a garden and the only plants she’s allowed to be in charge of are the tomatoes, because no one really cares for the tomatoes that much. so it doesn’t matter that kat is not skilled at growing things. she does, however, refuse to quit, and eventually anders, feeling bad for how hard she’s working just to get tiny little withered plants, starts sneaking out at night to give the plants a little nudge.

kat never figures it out. it makes her ridiculously happy to think she can at least grow tomatoes. but she’s mostly in charge of the hunting.

# (listen there's not a doubt in my mind that kat and co end up leading camps of rebel mages and taking care of people post-rebellion) # (but she also deserves to retire to a little cottage in a dangerous forest that's haunted as fuck) [ original post ]

re: legacy —

remember how i said kat regrets bringing anders? i wasn’t kidding !! when justice breaks loose, she tries to calm him down - by addressing justice himself, not anders - and she refuses to fight him. she’ll kill the shades he summons, but she will not lift a hand against him. bethany has to freeze him, and fenris knocks him out. kat’s pretty useless against him lol. she mostly walks holding his hand and worrying about him. she has a lot of nightmares after this related specifically to hearing anders in that much pain. she’s never heard that before and it really, really fucks with her.

the first time kat hears malcolm’s voice, she cries. she actually stops, and she just weeps. bethany is able to calm her, but despite everything, hearing her father again is the best thing she’s felt in a long, long time. she’s worried at first that learning what happened is going to change her perception of malcolm, but it just makes her admire him more. bethany telling kat that she’s a lot like malcolm is also the best compliment she’s ever heard. it makes her lonelier - she misses bethany so much, and she’d do anything to have her sister back.

kat uses hawke’s key from there on out. she never leaves home without it. this also marks the moment when she starts introducing more ‘hawke’ into the mansion - it’s the amell estate, and there’s barely a sign of the hawke line there. she emphasizes that, and she really throws it into everyone’s face: she’s the daughter of an apostate. she has magic in her blood, even if she isn’t a mage herself. she is a hawke, not an amell. [ original post ]

#tw: death #tw: parent death #tw: sibling death #(the longer bits will be reblogged individually but this is a collection of shorter ones)#ii. hurtled into the chaos you fight and the world will shake before you. ( k. hawke: about )

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fatgirlsguidetodating · 5 years

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Blog: Almost 40.

I’ve never been one for posting particularly introspective blog entries publicly. It’s not that I don’t contemplate things, or even write about them, but for the most part those meandering musings are confined only to my phone’s notes app- my most used app behind Facebook. And on those rare occasions that I *do* publicly blog about them I usually keep it on a relatively superficial level as I don’t necessarily like opening up my mind (and insecurities) to strangers.

But I’m turning 40 in less than a month and I think this is the catalyst that’s prompted a lot more thought about things than I’d ordinarily give them. I’d always considered 40 old but, as I approach it, I don’t *feel* old. And my family and friends would be rather quick to point out I don’t act it either. I always thought by 40 I would be much further along in life than I am. That I’d have a good job, a nice husband, a nice house, kids, that whole suburban dream. But... I haven’t.

And I started thinking if I’m a ball of mixed emotions about turning 40 maybe there’s other women- and men for that matter- who are feeling the exact same way so perhaps if I’m to break my self imposed cocoon of privacy around my innermost thoughts now might be the perfect time to give it a shot. So, with that being said, here goes nothing...

Here’s the thing: I remember my Mum’s 40th. I had just turned 10. I was sitting outside with my cousins, all of similar ages, and we were making fun of what we considered to be the appalling music taste our respective parents had. I even remember the leather pants Mum was wearing. She claims to have forgotten them but I think she’s faking that despite her bad memory. It didn’t even occur to me for a millisecond that my 40th wouldn’t be spent in a similar fashion. I just assumed life would follow the same path most women’s lives had followed for generations (with one caveat- I was planning to be the first one to go to uni): I’d find a job, I’d find a husband, we’d buy a house with a white picket fence, and we’d have 2.5 kids and a dog. And that all of that would be well and truly achieved by the time I turned 40. Just like it had been for my mum, and her mum before her, and hers before her. It was just the way things went, you know?

And then life happened. There’s a line in “Beautiful Boy” one of the John Lennon songs that I love that says “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” and it couldn’t be any truer in the 21st century than It was when it was written in 1980. (It’s a cruel twist of fate that it was written not long before he died and released after his death.)

For me “life” was all about my health, or lack thereof. I’ve mentioned the back issues before and the many hospital visits, and the 70 plus back ops. In essence this put things on hold: work, getting a home of my own, finding a guy (hard when you are always in and out of hospital and have problems losing weight) and having kids. So as I approach 40 without those things I’m not necessarily looking forward to it the way many do. (Plus if I get one “over the hill” card the person giving it to me shall be in a body bag.)

One thing I noticed when researching this blog post was Google searches about turning 40 seemed to concentrate on two things: what your health would be like post 40 and life as a Mum. Well what about those of us who are single and childless? Are we invisible? This didn’t particularly help with my mixed emotions about this supposed great milestone.

And it seems I’m not alone. Dr. Nancy Oreilly wrote about women’s aging anxiety that regardless of how you feel towards turning 40 you’ll still do what everyone does at this juncture and take stock of your life thus far. Things like “what have you done with your life? Are you the person you intended to be and are you living the life you want?” (1.)

In Lisa Bono’s interview with author Glynnis MacNicol about her book “No one tells you this” for the Sydney Morning Herald about life as a single 40 year old woman MacNicol admits she approached her 40th with “so much dread and shame" because she didn't have what she was "supposed" to have - a husband and a kid or two.... (because) we don't understand how to talk about women's lives as fulfilling unless we incorporate babies or weddings.” (2.)

Meredith Goldberg, in her article about age being just a number posed the question that if indeed age was just a number why was she feeling so apprehensive? Was it because she felt “like (she) had not accomplished enough in (her) 40 years on earth?” (3.) After all she hadn’t gotten married, hadn’t had kids, didn’t have another advanced degree.

Interestingly studies over the last decade or so have shown that the start of middle age (which, much to my chagrin given my belief I’m still like a much younger woman, is considered to be 40) often correlates with the time when people are the least happy, have the lowest levels of life satisfaction and highest levels of anxiety. A study at the University of Warwick and Dartmouth College attributed this to the facts that at this stage “adults are often faced with the pressures of raising children and looking after aging parents while simultaneously dealing with mounting financial and career pressures.“ (4)

Is it all too late for me- and other women turning 40 without a child- though? This is one of the most common thoughts going round and round in my head as I approach 40. I mean we all know about the whole ticking biological clock right? Even when I was doing my first postrgrad degree at 24, working part time, still single, still living at home, I still thought well there’s plenty of time. At 28 when I was finishing with postgrad, working full time but still single I *still* thought well there’s still a fair bit of time. At 33 it changed to well I guess there’s still time if I get a bit of a hurry on now. And now, at 39, single and childless, I think well maybe it’s too late now.

In her article about turning 40 whilst single and childless Bethany Jenkins wrote that it’s not only common but practically universal for a woman to expect and long for children, “to bring new life into the world; to put her hand on her belly as her baby grows; to wonder whether the newborn will have her or her beloved’s eyes; to hear “mom” not as a word uttered by her own voice to her own mother but as a call from her child’s voice for her.” (5) MacNicol in her book echoes that saying “as women, we’re taught to expect our stories to turn to marriage and children at a certain point in time (namely, before 40.)” (6)

Robin Deutsch, a psychologist and associate professor at William James College in Newton also points out that women reaching 40 tend to be more confident, have more wisdom and make better choices. (4) (Does she even know me?) But when you really think about it the whole “life begins at 40” theory has some merit. Julia Child didn’t publish her first cookbook until she was almost 50. Vera Wang didn’t start her fashion career until 40.

The fact that these women have the same feelings surrounding turning 40 whilst single and childless gives me some comfort. There’s a quote from Jung that I remember from philosophy at uni. He said that life begins at 40 and until then you’re just doing research. And maybe I’ve got to look at the positives in my current circumstances? One big upside I see is freedom. I plan to travel and return to uni to study something I’m passionate about and it’s doubtful I could do this had my life taken that path I was so sure it would.

So does this mean that the formula that my mum and all my ancestors followed, that unsaid life plan of when to get married, buy a home and have kids, is a thing of the past? We know women have children later these days. In fact the median age for a first kid these days is 30.6 as per the ABS reports

From the 1950s to mid 1970s, the fertility rates of women aged 20–24 and 25–29 were patently higher than that of all other age groups. Since then, the fertility rates for women in their 20s have been steadily declining whilst rates of those aged in their 30s have mostly increased since the early 1980s. Since 2000, the fertility rate of women in their early 30s has been higher than all other groups. It’s not just that women are having babies later but also the birth rate has declined. In 1950 the birth rate was 23.124. Its predicted 2020 will be at 12.561. (ABS yearly reports.)

We know women have children later these days, preferring to be settled and to have done the things they thought they’d not be able to do after before becoming a parent. Compared to our mothers, our grandmothers and so on we have more choices and not every woman’s first goal in life is having a child. (8)

The differences between say baby boomers and millennials are striking. It’s not just the fact that they settle down later but there are also other factors that mean by the time we turn 40 we may not have all the things our ancestors have but there are other priorities we have. For instance more women go to university now than they did when my Mum was turning 40. And after spending the time, work and money to get a degree it’s only natural that it follows that they want to get more out of their careers. Whilst baby boomers are more driven by loyalty, often staying at the same company for years, millennials are more interested in achieving more, whether that’s at the same company or not. (9) My father, for example, worked for the same company his entire life. He could have gone to many others with the knowledge he’d accumulated but he liked his job and he was happy there so it didn’t even really occur to him in more than a passing thought.

Then you look at things like buying a home. It’s ironic given that pay has increased that millennials are putting home ownership off longer than previous generations. Whilst people of my parents generation were content with a “starter home” these days more and more first home buyers want a bigger home, with bigger and better appliances, closer to the city than the suburbs etc. Research has found that rather than jump straight into a mortgage millennials look at travel, and spending their pay on things like Ubers and Lyfts, coffee, gadgets, clothes, and live entertainment and sports. (9)

Marriage is also something we do later. Consider the fact that whilst almost “50% of baby boomers were married between the ages of 18 to 32... a mere 26% of millennials are married in the same age range.” (9)

The fact that so many other women have the same feelings surrounding turning 40 whilst single and childless gives me some comfort. There’s a quote from Jung that I remember from philosophy at uni. He said that life begins at 40 and until then you’re just doing research. And maybe I’ve got to look at the positives in my current circumstances? One big upside I see is freedom. In the next 12 months I plan to travel and return to uni to study something I’m passionate about and it’s doubtful I could do this had my life taken that path I was so sure it would.

In an article published on mindbodygreen.com the writer spoke about how well-meaning friends had been asking her did she not want to have kids, did she not want to get married, etc, and she was quick to say that this can actually be the “most celebrated time of your life (and to) consider yourself blessed and enjoy the freedom.” (10) She listed some of the things to celebrate about turning 40 whilst single and childless. Like me travel was up there on her list as was the time to Perdue your passions. She also mentioned “(the) opportunity to nurture your friendships and relationships with family...(and that) the dating pool is large in your 40’s (given) a large majority of our population is divorced... there are so many

social media dating sites and social events in every major city... (and) you know what you're looking for.” (10)

So maybe instead of worrying about why I’m not where I wanted to be turning 40, worrying that it’s too late, worrying that my friends are further along than I am, I should be embracing it. The future is mine. I’ve just got to find a way to embrace it.

Fatgirl.

Sources:

1.) https://www.drnancyoreilly.com/40-2/

2.) https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/no-one-tells-you-life-as-a-40-year-old-single-woman-can-be-like-this-20180717-p4zs16.html

3.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1140197/anxious-about-turning-40/amp/

4.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/06/01/seriously-now-what-traumatic-about-turning/UVnbdmxVvLSzwoB8Yo4wGP/story.html%3foutputType=amp

5.) https://ifstudies.org/blog/reflections-on-turning-40-while-single-and-childless

6.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/single-at-40-glynnis-macnicol-interview/amp/

7.) https://aifs.gov.au/facts-and-figures/births-in-australia

8.) https://www.mamamia.com.au/average-age-to-have-kids/

9.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/difference-millennials-baby-boomers-2019-4%3famp

10.) https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/so-im-single-40-and-childless-now-what--10631

#dating #40 #almost40 #emotions #babyboomers #generationx #generationy #millenials #single #childless #worry #freedom #travel #university #howtocope #generationaldifferences #aging #anxiety #aginganxiety

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years

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05/20/2020 DAB Transcript

1 Samuel 26:1-28:25, John 11:1-54, Psalms 117:1-2, Proverbs 15:22-23

Today is the 20th day of May welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is a joy and a pleasure to be here with you today as we move forward one more step taking us one step further away from the beginning of the year one step closer to the end of the year because the journey we are on lasts a year and is life-changing because the Bible in a year touches everything about us. And that should be apparent by now. May 20th. We've already been through an awful lot this year and the Scriptures in our lives makes such a difference in pointing the direction that we should go. And, so, let's take that next step. We’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this…this week and we’re working our way through the book of first Samuel and now we are firmly ensconced in the story between David and King Saul. Today, First Samuel 26, 27, and 28.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we…I mean…pretty dramatic reading today, both old and new Testaments. So, in first Samuel again, Saul is after David. He's pursuing him to destroy him again. David, has an opportunity to kill the King but spares the king and then exposes the king and exposes the deficiencies of the people who are keeping the king alive by calling out and just showing like, “I could have killed you again. You could be dead right now but your hearing my voice because I spared you. So, once again Saul is exposed here. Part of the plot against David that Saul is whipping up is that David wants to destroy the king…the king…that David wants the king dead. But David was never plotting against the king and this keeps showing itself. And the thing is, the people are seeing, right? So, like Saul’s got 3000 elite warriors who are loyal to the king in the kingdom but they’re seeing all of this, people are talking about this. In the end though, like after this episode David is like, “you know what…I mean…I have to be on my game 100% of the time. If I mess up one time, we could all be dead. He's not gonna stop.” And, so, David defects to the Philistines, actually becoming like a Philistine with his allegiance…his allegiance to king Achish of Gath. And, so, the king gives David a city to take his people to and that's where they settle. And, so, for over a year then, King Saul's not going to pursue David into Philistine territory like crossing an international border. So, David finds some…some safety. Meanwhile the Philistines are gonna go to battle, and a big battle with the Israelites and David is expected to go into the battle as a Philistine, which he agrees to do. Meanwhile, Saul is a little bit freaking out because God won't answer him. And, so, he tries to re-create the structure that he had at one point with the final judge of Israel, the prophet of Israel, even the leader of Israel, Samuel, who has died. Saul goes to spiritist and calls of Samuel from the dead. And this seems to be actually Samuel coming up from the dead, not like some kind of demon or something impersonating Samuel. The Bible is saying this is Samuel, who has essentially one final prophecy for Saul and that prophecy is that…that Saul and his sons will be with Samuel in the realm of the dead in one day. So, we’ll have to wait until tomorrow's reading to find out if that is true. What a strange showdown we have. We have Saul who has pursued David all this time to kill him, who was not successful, but David, in order to preserve his life has had to defect to the Philistines who are now expecting that he will be in battle against Saul. And meanwhile Saul's essentially told that he's got less than a day to live. So, yeah, some drama building for us in first Samuel.

Now, in the book of John there's also drama building. It’s the story of Lazarus being raised up from the dead and its a very, very famous story. And, so we won't go into all of the story right now. Let’s just kind of skip to the end. Lazarus is raised from the dead after having been in the tomb for four days. That would cause a ripple effect, right, of information spreading throughout all the social networks of the day. Obviously, there weren’t social networks online. Like we understand that everybody has some type of social network - the people that you know. This would spread all around very quickly. And Bethany just being 2 miles from Jerusalem, word would've gotten to Jerusalem very quickly. And it did. And it caused a meeting of the Sanhedrin. It brought together the people who were most studied in the law and most studied in the how…how to govern the people because of the law, the Mosaic law. They got together and decided that if this guy Jesus thinks he can run around raising people from the dead, then they're going to kill him. So, we are kinda getting set up here for a couple of showdowns in the old and the New Testament. Of course, in the New Testament we know the story of the gospel, but let's understand that the territory we are moving into in the book of John, this is the last time we will be moving through this territory. And, so, let's remember that as…as we give it the honor that it's due.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for another day that You have allowed Your word to come into our lives and…and…and just work in our minds, work in our hearts, challenging our motivations, and allowing us to see that we can… we can read these texts and they can be thousands of years old but underneath of them all the motives of the human heart is the same. So, we thank You that You guide and direct us as we look into the lives of those who have gone before. Come Holy Spirit. Continue this work of transformation in us, this work of sanctification in us as we continue to open ourselves fully to Your will and Your ways and Your direction, to Your comfort, to Your discipline in our lives. We open ourselves fully to You because we trust You. Come Jesus we pray. In Your name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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Of course, all the things you can find at dailyaudiobible.com you can also find in the app by pushing the Drawer button, icon, in the upper left-hand corner. But check that out.

Check out the resources that are available in the Daily Audio Bible Shop, resources that have been created for this journey through a year together in community in the Bible. So, check them out. Some of them are resources to take the journey deeper. Some of them are resources just enhance, just enjoy the lifestyle, the rhythm of the Bible being in our lives every day. Some of them are just fun, things to wear. And but then some of the more serious like the journals and then things to write with, journaling our way through the Bible, writing down our thoughts after taking such an epic adventure which is the Bible. It's good to have those fieldnotes to refer back to. So, these resources are available in the Daily Audio Bible Shop. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com also. There’s a link on the homepage. And I thank you with all my heart with deep gratitude. We wouldn’t be here if we didn't do this together. And, so, with deep gratitude I’m grateful that we’re here another day. Thank you for your partnership. So, there's a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 3717.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button at the top or there are a number of numbers that you can use depending on where you are in the world. If you are in the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to dial. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number. If you are in Australia or that part of the world 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

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greensconnor · 5 years

Note

i’m asking about your dragon age characters

molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now

anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts

uhhh so the worldstates r as follows

eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively

shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men

this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up

twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So

riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend

malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to

knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet

i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery

kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide

also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia

gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]

i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom

i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage

unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.

riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.

gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)

shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her

leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off

shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general

uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:

eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)

alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)

hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)

mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.

bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything

eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.

speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them

“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”

eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.

none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).

syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.

[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated

i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family

i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you

yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.

fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,

so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.

“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”

alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled

i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas

kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not

just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.

#sol.txt #sol.orig #long post #late night followers im SO sorry for this #but also like.#i love them so yall just have 2 cope w/ it #no thoughts head dragon age #peonydarling

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imagine-riverdale · 5 years

Text

Yes Part 3- Sweet Pea Imagine

Yes Series Master List is HERE

3/5

Bethany arrived home shortly after leaving the Quarry, she helped Addison into her small trailer and set her on the couch as Sweet Pea, Fangs, and Toni walked in. She ordered them to get her the first aid kit, clothes, water, and rags before having Sweet Pea and Fangs wait in the bedroom. Toni and Bethany cleaned Addison up and helped her change before allowing Sweets and Fangs to come back out.

“Mind telling me what happened?” Beth asked as Toni handed Addison a cup of tea and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. Addy looked up at her big sister who she had once shared everything with.

“Mom and dad haven’t been together for about six months, and we’ve been living with a bunch of random guys that mom meets.” Addy began before taking a drink of her tea before setting it down with shaky hands. “We were living with the last one for about two months, and mom finally decided she wanted to come home, well he ended up following us.” Addison spoke softly. “He showed up and I told him mom wasn’t home he forced himself inside found mom asleep in her room, so he began beating me for lying, it wasn’t the first time it had happened. Mom came out and didn’t do anything, she just stood there and watched, he stopped after awhile and moved to the couch with beer and began watching TV, mom didn’t even acknowledge me before sitting on the couch with him. I didn’t know what else to do so I left.” Addy stated tears streaming down her face before Bethany pulled her into a hug. “I don’t want to go back there, not when she doesn’t care.” Addison cried.

“And you won’t, you’re welcome here as long as you want.” Bethany looked to Sweet Pea who nodded. “You’re staying with me, okay?” Bethany pulled away. “I’m going to go get all your things, Toni and Fangs are going to stay with you, alright? I’ll be gone no more than thirty minutes.” Addison nodded. “Why don’t you go get some sleep, you can stay in mine and Sweet Pea’s room for the time being.”

“Thank you, both of you.” Addy looked to Sweet Pea with a soft smile gracing her face before disappearing into the bedroom.

“We’ll be back, I have some things to take care of. Toni, you mind calling FP and Jug for me and tell them to meet us at my moms, I think there’s someone there that we have to take care of.” Toni nodded before Bethany and Sweet Pea made the walk to her mother’s trailer, waiting was FP and Jughead leading at least ten Serpents. “I want to talk to them first, the door will stay open, Sweets and Juggy are going to come in first with me.” Bethany stated.

“Anything you need Bethany, he hurt your family, that’s not okay.” FP stated as Bethany smiled.

“I appreciate it, I want him to suffer.” She stated before Sweet Pea, Jughead and her walked up the steps. Bethany slammed the door open to see her mother and her ‘boyfriend’ sitting on the couch.

“Bethany Ann, don’t go slamming doors.” Her mother hissed at her standing and turning upon hearing the door.

“Fuck off.” Bethany stated stepping into the house, Jughead and Sweet Pea not far behind, FP and the other Serpents were either on the stairs or surrounding them. “So funny thing.” Bethany stated stepping around the trailer. “Addison showed up at the Quarry tonight, all bruised up, know anything about that?” Bethany played dumb looking at her mother.

“Nope, is she okay?”

“She’s better now, don’t worry I took care of her.” Bethany stated turning fully to her mother. “So, you mean to tell me, you don’t remember your daughter being beat by the man currently sitting on your couch?” The man stood and made a move towards Bethany, but she held her hand up towards him. “Wouldn’t do that, see them.” Bethany nodded and FP walked in and the man could fully see all the Serpents. “You already hurt one of us tonight, let’s not make your situation worse.” Bethany looked at the man with a smirk on her face. “You hurt my baby sister?” She asked.

“Little bitch deserved it for lying’ to me.” He stated as Bethany tsked and held her hand out and a Serpent stepped forward and handed Bethany a bat causing her to smirk.

“See that’s my baby sister you’re talking about, I’d do anything for her.” Bethany stepped closer to the man standing in her mothers living room. “Even murder someone.” She shrugged. “But you’re not worth the jail time, so I’ll settle with, what 24 hours in a cell if you call the Sherriff.” Bethany looked to FP for confirmation, he nodded. “I can handle that.” Bethan swung the bat and landed a hit straight to the groin causing him to fall to the ground holding himself. “Touch her again, I fucking dare you.” Bethany hit him multiple times before tossing the bat to FP. “You picked the wrong family to fuck with. FP, boys, I believe it is your turn.” Bethany stepped away as FP and a few other Serpents moved him off to her mother’s bedroom. “You stood and watched as that man beat your daughter.”

“He did no such thing- “

“I saw the bruises! Don’t lie to me, you watched and did nothing.” Bethany stood in front of her mother now. “She’s staying with me, for good, call Keller, I’ll make sure he knows why she’s living with me, let him know my good for nothing mother let a man beat my sister. Don’t try contacting either of us. I’ll take care of Addy like I’ve always had to.” Bethany turned and went and collected Addison stuff before exiting the house with all the Serpents. “Thanks FP, Jughead, I appreciate both of you, and all of you.” She acknowledged the Serpents.

“You’re family, we protect our own.” Jason, a younger Serpent stated before they all began leaving.

“Be sure to all if you need anything.” FP stated before he and Jughead walked back to their bikes.

“Come on.” Sweet Pea wrapped an arm around Bethany and lead her back home.

This is part three of a five part series. Part four will be posted on July 28th, 2019.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN FOR RIVERDALE CHARACTERS.

#sweet pea imagine #riverdale imagines #riverdale #sweetpea #sweet pea series #sweet pea x oc

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cypher2 · 5 years

Link

Andonovski says that the framework for this season was laid out last autumn, as he and owner Bill Predmore attempted to chart the course of how the upcoming season would go.

“Our year started, for (Reign FC majority owner and president) Bill Predmore and myself, last November,” Andonovski said. “We had 11 different lineup predictions that covered things like pre-World Cup, during the World Cup, after the World Cup, with Jess Fishlock coming back from France, without her, with different players coming in and out. We projected 10 or 11 different lineups. Bill was instrumental in all of this. He helped me with the preparation and made a lot of things happen behind the scenes. I had to do a lot on the field to manage all of those players and incorporate them, but I think the most important thing is the preparation before the season even started.”

The roster was bolstered with a mixture of newcomers, like Shea Groom and NAIA standout Bethany Balcer, and returning veterans like captain Lauren Barnes and midfielder Allie Long.

The club itself was in for a big change. After half a decade at Seattle’s Memorial Stadium, the club was informed that the venue was no longer suitable to host NWSL home games. Instead, Reign FC found a new home in Tacoma’s Cheney Stadium. The response to the move was incredible – fans in the South Sound helped Reign FC set new attendance records in 2019, including an increase of 1,389 on average per match from 2018.

Not all of the changes went over as smoothly, however.

The club sent nine players to the World Cup to represent seven different countries. Six more players would suffer season-ending injuries, while others were waylaid by shorter term injuries.

To boot, the club stumbled out of the starting gate, opening the year 0-1-3 after failing to convert a late penalty in its season-opener against Houston and settling for a 1-1 draw against Orlando in its first match in Tacoma.

“Historically, if you look at teams that I’ve managed, I would say with the exception of last season, my teams have started slow and then started picking things up toward the middle of the season,” Andonovski said. “That’s something that I’m going to have to look at myself and see if it’s something I’m doing. Am I giving too many formations or trying to add too much in a short period of time? Maybe it takes a little time for things to click and once they do things go well.”

More players arrived in time for things to start clicking, even as a large chunk of the team departed to chase glory with their national teams at the World Cup in France. Among them was forward Ifeoma Onumonu, signed as a National Team Replacement Player just six days after being waived by the Portland Thorns.

For Onumonu, the spirit of the squad hadn’t dampened, despite the early sluggishness.

“Coming into this club, I was going through my own type of challenges,” Onumonu said. “That did help when I did come and join Reign FC. It was like I’d been through some things and the club had been as well. It helped with the camaraderie. It was an experience where even though the club was going through a hard streak, it was still very positive.”

The hard streak ended quickly. The club recorded its first win of the season against Sky Blue FC on May 18 and went on to win four of its next six matches, rising from seventh in the league table all the way to first following a July 5 road win against rivals Portland Thorns FC. The stretch also saw Onumonu record her first NWSL goal in a win over Utah on June 28, the same day that she was signed to the club’s supplemental roster.

“It was really special,” Onumonu said of her goal. “I had been waiting for a goal for two years now, so it was nice to finally get it. It was an important win as well. On any given day in this league, a team can pull out a win against anyone else. We knew that and we used it to our advantage. I thought we had a lot of doubters, so it felt good to prove them wrong. In that time we were going through quite a bit of injuries, which is always tough. It didn’t stop from there. It felt really good to score and contribute to that success we had during that run.”

The return of Fishlock provided a big boost to the club in the early summer. The midfielder returned from her loan to Olympique Lyon in France and knocked in two game-winners for Reign FC. Fishlock’s immediate impact on the squad led to her being named the NWSL Player of the Month for June before being sidelined with a season-ending ACL tear.

Just when Reign FC looked to be getting on a roll, more obstacles presented themselves.

June gave way to a grueling July. With two road matches against North Carolina and tough home losses to Utah and Chicago, Reign FC endured a 2-4-1 stretch that dropped them into fifth place entering the final six matches of the season.

“The fact that we have two of those teams (from that stretch) in the final says a lot about the quality of the teams that we were facing,” Andonovski said. “Playing North Carolina twice on the road didn’t make it any easier, but we didn’t have a choice, we had to prepare as best as we could. One thing that made it easier was that even when things were not going well, there was nothing negative about it. We used every single game as a learning opportunity to get better, regardless of the result. We kept moving forward, we kept getting better and the results were coming as the season was going by.”

With six games to play, Andonovski challenged his team to push for a playoff spot:

“Going into the last stretch of games, Vlatko said ‘we’ve made mistakes in this portion of the season and now we’re on to the last quarter of the year,’” Onumonu said. “’We’re going to have to win the majority of games to make the playoffs.’ We had a mini-season where everything that happened prior to this last stretch of six matches didn’t matter anymore. It was about winning or getting points and moving on. We erased all that we had done because it was over and it didn’t matter. Our objective was to make the playoffs.”

Reign FC fought its way to a 3-1-2 finish over the final six matches, thanks in large part to an Onumonu equalizer at the death of a 2-2 draw against Washington on September 14. Jodie Taylor also notched a late game-winner against Utah in a September 25 match that had to be pushed back a week due to a waterlogged pitch at Cheney Stadium. With a win over Portland in the final home match of the season on September 29, Reign FC clinched its second consecutive playoff berth under Andonovski.

Despite all the bumps and disruptions that the season’s path had taken, Reign FC was playoff bound once more.

“The struggle and the tough times we went through in the first 18 games helped us prepare for the last six games,” Andonovski said. “We did decide that this was a little mini-season that we felt we had to win or finish well, which I think we accomplished, we were talking about how this mini season has to be a reflection of the whole season. It has to be a true picture of who we are: warriors, fighters who are intense in their goals. That helped us take on those games the way we did.”

Reign FC’s semifinal match against NWSL Shield-winners North Carolina was a game of grit and determination. When the Courage scored a go-ahead goal on a penalty kick in the 88th minute and had dominated possession all match long, Reign FC looked like they would be unable to mount a response.

Onumonu changed that. In the third minute of second-half stoppage time, the forward received a ball from Celia Jiménez Delgado and fired a shot past Stephanie Labbe, forcing extra time.

“I feel like that moment summed up our season,” Onumonu said. “Fight to the end. That’s how I took it. I was really thankful for that goal because I know how much it meant to still have a chance and still be in it. To be able to score in that moment was special. North Carolina is a good team and has been for years, but we’re not going to go down without a fight. The end result wasn’t what we wanted, but this game is hard, it’s tough. Being able to keep us in there for as long as possible was so special.”

Reign FC came up short in extra time, but the club had gone down swinging.

“I’m very proud of the players,” Andonovski said. “Every single one of them. The way they approached the game was tremendous. To be able to go to North Carolina, against that team and an incredible coach in Paul Riley and battle all the way until the last second and tie the game 1-1? It’s incredible. I’m very proud of them. Unfortunately, in the last 30 minutes we didn’t have enough in us to make a miracle happen. We didn’t have enough to be able to match North Carolina and their quality.”

Onumonu’s final strike was emblematic of Reign FC’s spirit, but her path over the course of the season, like so many of her teammates, mirrored the club’s year.

“When I look at it, I would agree that Ifeoma’s season is how our season looked,” Andonovski said. “But it’s also Rosie (White’s) season. It’s Balcer’s season. It’s Celia’s season. Young players came in who were unknown or had in some ways been rejected that wanted to make a name for themselves and prove people wrong. They just needed an opportunity and in the end they did it. It was similar for our club. I don’t want to say that we were an unknown, but people didn’t believe in us. We were rejected to some extent and we just needed a platform and a chance to prove people wrong and in the end we did.”

For Onumonu, that drive and determination were the major lesson from 2019.

“I would say the biggest lesson is to be resilient,” Onumonu said. “I think how I started out my season, where I started with Portland and then everything with Reign FC has been a challenge. You have where you expect to be, then you have to go somewhere else. You switch and all your emotional attachment with a team has to change. Now, you have to fight for your new club. It made me grateful for the club, honestly. I’m very thankful for the club. As a player, it taught me that one person’s opinion of you does not define you and I think that’s something that this season has taught me.”

For Andonovski, the year was proof that no obstacle is insurmountable.

“If there’s one thing that I’ve learned this season, it’s that there is always a way to be successful,” Andonovski said. “If that way doesn’t work, there is always another way.”

#reign fc #seattle reign fc #seattle reign #vlatko andonovski #ifeoma onumonu #nwsl #woso #listen the fact that a handful of our layers could be considered for team mvp #bc they all truly had standout seasons #iffy balcer murphy barnes esp #and bev earning it bc shes a rock as always #anyways im just proud of all of them #celia theresa #all of them have stories #theres so many inspiring good narratives that these players have built on this season #it made me hopeful again

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darriness · 4 years

Text

Klaine Fic - You’ll Always Be The Home - Chapter 3

Author: darriness

Fic Summary: Everything is finally settled in Kurt and Blaine’s life…right?

Link to: Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

Rating: T

Chapter Word Count: 1898

Chapter Summary: A funeral

Author’s Note: As always, thanks to my beta @darrenismydarcy!

AO3 Link

The rest of their day following the conversation in the kitchen is surprisingly normal. They do go out for waffles, Bethany does homework, Blaine and Kurt do laundry, they cook dinner as a trio - usual stuff.

It’s not until Bethany suggests a movie that Blaine declines. Both Kurt and Bethany give him a strange look and he shrugs, saying he’s just really tired. Kurt suggests he’ll go to bed with Blaine but Blaine insists he watch the movie with Bethany, smiling to show that everything is fine.

And he supposes everything does feel fine until he’s in the shower. He’s not sure when it starts but suddenly he’s crying, he can feel his eyes getting puffy even though his tears mix in with the steady flow of water over his head.

He leans his forehead against the tile and lets the water pound against his back. He’s not even sure why he’s crying. Why is he crying?

He’s also not sure how long he’s been in the shower until he jumps when the curtain is pulled back and the water turned off. He almost turns but then feels strong hands smooth across his shoulders and then he feels a kiss to one shoulder as Kurt’s familiar arms wrap themselves around Blaine’s waist.

“I’m okay.” Blaine whispers but even to his own ears he knows how wrong it sounds.

Kurt hums softly, “It’s okay not to be fine.” He says into Blaine’s ear.

Blaine shakes his head, “She wasn’t even my mother anymore.”

“Sure she was.” Kurt answers and Blaine pushes off the wall sharply to look at him over his shoulder. Kurt shrugs, “Maybe not so much in the last nine years, but for the first 15 years? And regardless of how she treated you or your sister...she was still your mom. Your heart doesn’t forget a person that quickly.”

Blaine’s eyes pinch, “I want to forget her though. Bethany seems to have.” He gestures out of the shower.

Kurt bites his lower lip slightly and turns to look at the shower curtain, “Bethany only had your parents until she was seven. Part of me wonders if she even truly remembers what it was like to live with them.” He turns back to Blaine, “You’ve been her parent for longer than they were. YOU’VE given her the strength to be fine with this.” He shuffles forward with a sad smile and grabs Blaine’s hand as Blaine feels more tears slip down his cheeks, “You had your parents for longer and then you became the parent. No one was there to make sure YOU would have the strength to be fine with this.”

“I have you.” Blaine whispers.

Kurt smiles again, “You do. But I’m here for you in a different way. I’m not your parent - even if we did try out calling each other ‘Daddy’ for a while.” He rolls his eyes slightly before scrunching up one eye and shaking his head. Blaine feels a surprise chuckle bubble up inside him. He didn’t think he would be in the mood to laugh right now.

“Yeah, that didn’t really work for us.” Blaine whispers with a soft smile of his own.

Kurt shrugs, “Experimentation is the sign of any good relationship.” He squeezes Blaine’s hand in his own before bringing his hand up to gently wipe at Blaine’s wet cheeks with his thumb. They’re quiet for a moment before Kurt pouts thoughtfully, “Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start talking to Anthony again?”

Blaine pouts thoughtfully back at him. Anthony had been Blaine’s therapist when he’d moved to New York. He had really liked Diana, his therapist in Ohio, but when he and Bethany had moved to New York obviously he couldn’t continue to see her. He had gone to Anthony for about a year after moving before he had felt strong enough to try life without him. He hadn’t even thought about the possibility until now.

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll book an appointment.” He says with a nod and Kurt once again smiles.

“I’m here for you whenever you need me, you know that right?” He whispers as he lays his forehead against Blaine’s.

Blaine nods against him, “I do know that. I really do.”

-- -- --

It’s a short walk from the subway station to the church the funeral is being held at on Sunday. It had been a tense morning in the apartment for a multitude of reasons, the least of which being Kurt's continued argument that he shouldn’t go.

“Do I want to be there to support you? Of COURSE I do but…” He’d started but Blaine had interrupted him while he stood at the mirror tying his bowtie.

“Then come support me!” He’d said, “Simple as that. I want you there.”

“But no one else does!” Kurt had argued.

“Bethany does.” Blaine had shrugged.

Kurt had rolled his eyes, “You know what I mean.” He’d huffed, “I don’t want to create a scene.”

Blaine had turned away from the mirror with a pleading look in his eyes, “My being there is going to be what creates a scene, if anything. But I’m going and I’m asking you to. Please. Come.” He’d implored.

It had been those eyes that had changed Kurt’s mind, and now he and Blaine walk hand and hand down the street toward the church with Bethany walking a few steps behind, pretending she wasn’t sulking (or more rather trying to amplify her sulk).

“I’m not sure how you convinced me to change.” She grumbles from behind them.

Blaine looks over his shoulder at her, “I didn’t convince you of anything. I flat out told you you weren’t allowed to wear your pride flag shirt to the funeral.”

“But it would have been so awesome!” Bethany argues, “And I just want to support you.”

Blaine stops walking suddenly, pulling Kurt to a stop and causing Bethany to almost run into them from behind. He turns to her with a sigh and rubs his forehead in exasperation, “I’m not looking to make a statement or piss anybody off. My being there will do that well enough all on its own. Can we just...get through this with the least amount of damage as possible? I know you want to support me but you can do that by just...being there. No theatrics or pride flags needed.”

Bethany looks like she wants to argue before she turns to look at Kurt, who is silently trying to get her to agree, and sighs, “Fine.” She says, shrugging, “But can we do something super gay afterwards - like walk in a pride parade or buy a unicorn? I feel like my status as an ally is being threatened.”

Blaine and Kurt chuckle, “Fine. We’ll buy a unicorn.” Blaine concedes before the trio is walking again.

They come upon the church and collectively inhale at the grandeur of the building. It has been a while since the Anderson siblings have been to church, and for Kurt even longer, but they all collectively agree that this is the most opulent church they’ve ever seen.

It makes sense considering that they are in New York City, that the church would be just as grand as the city it stands in, but its pale stone facade and stained glass windows are a stark contrast to the metal and shiny reflective windows of the buildings around it. It’s an intimidating structure and the group pauses for a long moment even though they get a few grumbles from pedestrians trying to walk past.

“Are we ready for this?” Kurt asks looking at the siblings in turn.

Blaine looks at Kurt and then at Bethany who nods before nodding himself, “Let’s do this.” He’s not sure why he feels like he’s preparing for battle. He hopes that’s not the case.

-- -- --

The church seems even larger once they’re inside. That’s about all Blaine notices before his eyes are scanning the pews for the face he doesn’t want to see but needs to keep track of. He doesn’t necessarily want their father to know they are there, but he knows for sure he wants to know where the older man is at all times. He doesn’t want to be blind-sided.

The crowd is a fair size and Blaine doesn’t recognize a single face in it. He has a feeling even if he were in his parents’ life over the years, he probably wouldn’t recognize anyone here today. His parents, until his mother’s passing, plus him and Bethany are the only Andersons left. He has no other living family and he doubts he would have known any of his parents’ friends or co-workers.

His roaming eyes finally land on his father and he tenses when he sees his father staring right back at him. His father’s face is hard and his glare is piercing and Blaine is already bracing for a confrontation.

He and his father stare at each other for a few moments, but his father remains seated in the front pew. Blaine wonders if his father thinks confronting his abandoned children would seem improper in front of his friends and in the current situation. Or maybe he’s formulating what he wants to say.

Either way, his father stays sitting but doesn’t look away from Blaine as they stare at each other.

“Blaine.” Kurt whispers next to him. Blaine hears him but doesn’t look away from his father, “Blaine.” Kurt tries again and this time Blaine shakes his head slightly and turns to look at Kurt. The other man isn’t looking at him though.

“What?” Blaine asks.

Kurt’s eyes swivel back to Blaine’s and then look away again as if prompting Blaine to follow his gaze. He does and he finds Kurt is looking at their father just like Blaine had. Marcus Anderson has turned back to the front of the church and Blaine breathes a little easier at that but he’s not quite sure what Kurt wants him to see. Kurt must know that was where Blaine’s eyes had been.

He turns back to Kurt with a quirked eyebrow but is prevented from asking him anything by Bethany’s gasp on the other side of him. He turns, quickly, to see Bethany staring wide eyed, and pale faced, at the front of the church.

He’s even more confused as he once again follows her gaze and then he sees it. Or rather...him.

Staring back at them from the front pew, sitting right next to Marcus Anderson, is a little boy. It’s hard to guess his age but his head just barely reaches past the pew, his chin resting on the back as he stares.

Blaine swallows, thickly, as he takes in the dark brown hair on the top of the boy’s head, gelled down neatly into a style Blaine knows all too well (though hasn’t used himself as rigidly in years), along with the boy’s hazel eyes. If Blaine didn’t know any better, he would think time travel was real and that he himself was sitting next to his father as a little boy.

But time travel isn’t real. Which means there is only one possible explanation for the boy’s appearance - he and Blaine must be related…

...and considering the boy can’t be older than 8 or 9, there is only one potential possibility for his parentage…

Blaine feels like he’s going to be sick.

#klaine #klaine fanfiction #klaine fanfic #my loves #my stuff #you'll always be the home

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laraslandlockedblues · 6 years

Note

WIP........ gosh my mind went in to over drive..... Ok ok so my question is for which ever pairing you feel like.... or all of them. (Grins i mean how do you choose.) Thoughts on a faimly. Did they ever dream of a faimly of there own before they meet there love? Ps you rock. As all ways your amazing and i hope you had a great new years.

Oooooo this is a good one and you know I’ll answer for all my main pairings, why not. (Also ps THANK YOU AHHHHH!! You’re so sweet Ok so, my pairings and their thoughts on families, which got looooong:

Cullen and Evelyn (I’ll just answer canon for them, not any of their AUs):

Both Cullen and Evelyn thought a family wasn’t going to be possible for them. Evelyn was trapped in the Circle, resigning herself to a lifetime of studying and books, cutting herself off even from the family she had remaining, and knowing that she would never be allowed to have love, or marriage, or children, so she doesn’t seek any of them out. Once the rebellion happens and events lead her to the Inquisition, all of that changes. But she doesn’t really think about it until she and Cullen start to fall in love, and then she realizes just HOW much she’s always wanted that - with the right person. It was a secret desire of hers, something she’d never have, and so while she’s thought of it, she didn’t think it was possible until Cullen. And Cullen is the same - he gave everything to the Chantry, to the Order, to his life as a Templar. Even after he joins the Inquisition, he’s basically accepted that family and marriage will be something denied him. Together they talk about just how much they want a family, and Cullen works to ease her doubts that he’d be opposed to their children being mages.

Cullen and Cecilia:

Cecilia sort of vaguely thinks of a family - she was engaged for many years, assumes that eventually she’ll be a mother. Sort of just the modern way of like yeah at some point I’ll be married with kids. It’s not something she spends too much time thinking about - at least the family part. She wants true love, assumes children will follow naturally. And with Cecilia, Cullen is the same as with Evelyn - only he thinks about a family much, much earlier with her than he does when I pair him with Evelyn. He basically starts picturing what it’d be like to settle down with her as soon as he realizes he’s attracted to her, and starts to let himself think about whether or not he can allow himself to hope for it.

Abigail and Rylen:

Surprisingly, Abby really, really wants to be a mother. A part of this stems from how close she was to her mother, and never knowing her father, and so she definitely wants to have a family. Unfortunately for her, John doesn’t (in their canon - in the Thedas AUs he’s also desperate to have a family for his own reasons). Rylen, on the other hand, kind of like Cullen, hasn’t ever really thought about it. Assumed he wouldn’t be able to have a family, and so he kind of doesn’t let himself think about it. And I’d say for Rylen, he’s fine either way. He’d be happy as a father, and happy without children. He has so many nieces and nephews and such a large family he’s content without having his own - although once he finds out just how much Abigail wants a family, he knows that’s what he wants as well. So long as maybe they have her cute nose or dark brown eyes. I’d say too in Just Like Heaven he thinks a bit more about having a family than in After Rain, since he’s all there is of Thedas on Earth - he doesn’t have the connection to his family in Starkhaven, so he wants a family just a bit more than normal.

Mara Trevelyan and Garrett Hawke:

Mara hasn’t ever thought about settling down until she meets Garrett. She loves her freedom, hates that her mother always talked about marrying her off to some stuffy nobleman, hates that noblemen only wanted a wife or a mistress, and she spent her youth sleeping with stableboys and knights pledged to her father while trying to avoid all of that drama. She and Garrett kind of crash into love and the very sudden realization that she wants to give him a family because he’s so very, very lonely surprises her. Garrett in Hero Worship is worst case scenario Garrett, essentially - Bethany and Carver are both dead, and he is completely alone. Mara wants him to be happy in every way, and realizes the idea of rascally little Hawke children running around is incredibly appealing to her - after she finishes saving Thedas, that is.

Marian Hawke and Fenris:

These two I’d say are fairly indifferent when it comes to families - they know they want each other, and that’s all. They don’t really think about a family or get excited about one until - whoops - Marian is already pregnant. With twins. They’ve spent so much time running and hiding and just trying to survive after Kirkwall that they give it very little thought - they start calling each other married before they actually are married. It’s all just an afterthought, really. They have one another, and that’s what’s most important to them. That’s not to say that they’re not incredibly excited when they find out Marian is pregnant - Fenris learns to cook, Marian mellows out and obsesses over putting together a nursery, and are just generally content and adorably happy with the news. (Hey Bioware, let my Champion and her Fen live happily ever after, ok? Let them retire in peace please - they deserve it!)

Those are my main pairings and their thoughts on families. Honestly a lot of their thoughts probably stem from the fact that I love kids. There’s a few AUs I’ve considered having Cullen and Evelyn be happy without children (Rehabilitation was almost one of them, but I changed my mind last minute - I’m still playing around with Moments Passed and Miss Grey, but I’d say in What Are the Odds they likely don’t have children) and Marian and Fenris would have been very happy either way, honestly. The only one who is actually driven by her desire for a family is Abigail - everyone else just thinks kids and families would be nice.

#thank you for this ask!#it was really fun #i have so many headcanons about my OCs and families #so this was fun to get into #wip wednesday #still taking questions and words #<3 #cloakinghawk

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spratwurst · 6 years

Note

remember me prompt, for my fav girl ava?

Thank you so much, anon, and I’m sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy it ♥

---

“Hmm,” he says after taking a mouthful of the still warm pastries and toying idly with the little box on the table. In the light of day the look on his face might be one of amusement, but in this poorly lit corner of the tavern it is that of charming contemplation.

Ava is on the edge of her seat, quite literally too, watching with wide eyes and waiting for a verdict. “Well?” she encourages when Fenris reaches for a second pastry and still no verdict comes forth.

“Merrill made these, didn’t she?” he finally speaks.

For a moment Ava finds it in herself to appear shocked, outraged even. “Maker, are you implying that I might--” she starts, but then stumbles over her own words when her brain fails to provide any useful retort. Her mumbling dissolves into laughter as Fenris regards her with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah, she did.”

“Then send her my compliments.”

“Can do,” Ava agrees. Her smile is already fading as another, more urgent matter nestles like a dull pain in her chest. “You… haven’t changed your mind, have you?”

The question is tentative at best. Avoiding Fenris’ eyes and twiddling her thumbs nervously might indicate otherwise, but she doesn’t regret asking it. If anything, she should have asked sooner.

Fenris lets out a long and steady breath.

Ava flinches. She already knows what his answer will be.

“Hawke--”

“No, it’s fine!” she interrupts him. “I know.” She offers a mirthless smile, then more quietly, “I know. I just wanted to make sure you know that you’re always welcome by my side. That there will always be a place for you with us.”

Fenris’ shoulders slump. The merriment of the tavern goes on, dissonant and distant now as the two of them sit in silence.

“You’ve made it abundantly clear, my friend,” he says, and continues speaking despite the treacherous quiver in his voice. “More times than I’ve given you the chance to.”

He reaches over the table and takes both her hands. Rubs them gently in his. Leans forwards and presses a comforting kiss against her fingers. “Cold hands…” he whispers, not yet letting go.

“Warm heart,” Ava finishes for him, meeting his eyes at last. Her cheeks are wet with tears now, but still she smiles. “Isabela always says you and I have that in common.”

Fenris chuckles, and there’s a heaviness palpably lifting off both their chests when as he does so. “Always the sage, Isabela.”

The evening trudges on, becoming slower and quieter as the patrons start leaving one by one. Fenris and Ava are nursing a mug of tepid ale each while they talk about everything and nothing-- Isabela’s favorite hat shop, the Hawke family’s mabari now serving as a Grey Warden by Carver side, the weather in Tevinter, Merrill and the alienage, and how her cooking is becoming more and more impressive each day, Aveline and copper marigolds, Varric and that silly book of his, and Bethany, Anders, and Cyrus about whose safety Ava expressed concern for putting themselves at the forefront of the mage rebellion, prompting Fenris to speak more fondly of them than ever before and assure Ava that they can take care of themselves.

“I’ll miss you,” Ava says, and it’s so sudden and sober and full-hearted she finds herself standing to her feet.

He stares at her for a second, but instead of waiting for an answer, Ava rapidly closes the distance between them. Anticipating her intention of hugging him-- against all odds, he’s gotten so used to her hugs he can anticipate them now-- Fenris rises from his seat as well.

“I’ll miss you too,” he whispers against the top of her head, as she flings her arms around his neck.

They remain still for a few lengthy moments, then Fenris speaks first. “Promise you’ll write me?”

She pulls back, and watches him with an incredulous expression on her face. “I don’t even know where you’ll be.”

“True, but you’ll find a way. You always do.”

Ava shakes her head lightly, and pulls him in for another hug. “Yeah. I suppose I always do.”

----

They set sail early in the morning, when the sun barely peeks from behind the horizon line, shrouding the docks in a purple haze. Ava watches sadly as a lone figure on the pier waves in their direction. Closing her eyes, she reaches within her and then across the Veil, concentrating for a few seconds before a tiny glowing orb appears in front of her.

“Take care of him, please, “ she whispers, and the wisp bobs enthusiastically in midair. She gives it a gentle pat, then sends it flying towards the docks.

---

Fenris is surprised to see the green orb floating towards him, but he opens his hand to catch it all the same. It vibrates slightly under his touch and it’s more warm than he would have expected it to be.

“She did find a way, huh?” he whispers under his breath, amusement thickening his voice. He makes as if to leave, but then notices the orb floating up and down in a way that might be interpreted as an affirmative nod. His eyebrows shoot up. “Ah. So you can understand me.”

It reacts to his words again, this time twirling around him quickly. Years ago, he might have tried to fend it off, but now he recognizes the benevolence of this playful and breezy display of magic that only Ava Hawke could send to him.

All Fenris can do is chuckle at this peculiar new companion of his.

“Very well, then. Shall we?” he asks, opening his heavy cloak.

The wisp understand immediately and floats underneath, settling against his chest, and Fenris finds that its warmth and slight buzzing brings him no small amount of comfort in the frigid morning air.

“You take care too, my friend.”

#i hope it doesn't suck too much #ava hawke #fenris #dragon age #my writing #asks #anonymous #long post #(just to be clear shes romancing isabela)#(but fenris is her best friend)

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fanfoolishness · 6 years

Text

no words for heaven or for earth (9/9)

Hawke was left in the Fade, but Varric thinks, or hopes, that she’s still alive. And he has some surprising evidence. Read here at AO3.

***

Part 9: every good tale deserves an epilogue

Varric wiped the sweat from his brow, trying not to smudge the ink on the half-written letter before him. It was the fifth such letter he’d written this morning. Good news had to be shared, even if it meant writing letters in the stifling desert heat.

He took a break to let the ink finish drying, leaning back in the rickety wooden chair. He was grateful for a lot of things this morning, but right this second, he was grateful to be in a room at Griffon Wing Keep instead of a cramped tent. This room was big enough for a camp bed, and it was there his gaze kept drifting to where Min Hawke’s dark hair lay tumbled over the pillow as she slept.

Cassandra, Vivienne, Solas had all assured him that no demons had followed them out of the Fade, and nothing evil had hitched a ride back with any of them. Hawke was still, improbably, amazingly, Hawke.

She wasn’t unmarked by her time in the Fade, of course. There were two nasty wounds on her side, the knock to her head from the false Arishok, signs of dehydration. And there was the other thing… Varric wasn’t sure how she was going to take the news of that development. He sighed. She was Hawke. She would figure it out.

He leaned forward, the pen familiar within his grip, and he finished the letter. When it was done he blew on the ink until it dried and folded it up carefully.

“Writing more letters, then?” asked Hawke.

He nearly fell over in his haste, trying to get out of the chair. Maker’s breath, but she looked wonderful -- her hair a tousled mess, a healing bruise on her forehead, her lips cracked.

She smiled, radiant.

He sat at the front of the flimsy camp bed beside her, hoping it would bear both of their weights without buckling. “You scared the shit out of me.” He brushed her hair back out of her eyes, resting his hand against her cheek.

“I scared you? You do realize where I’ve just been, don’t you? If anyone’s to be scared, it’s me,” said Hawke, laying her hand on his. Her eyes were bright. “Varric, I -- thank you. Thank you for everything. For finding me.”

He waved his other hand at her. “This is just a suggestion, but maybe you should never do that again,” said Varric. “You really do have the worst luck, don’t you, Sparrow?”

She groaned. “Oh, you don’t even know the half of it.”

He was quiet for a moment, and she closed her eyes. “If you need to talk about it…”

“Not yet,” she murmured. “There was so much -- all of my deepest fears, wishes, longings. The Fade was never for people like us, Varric. At least you’ll never have to go again, at any rate.”

Varric nibbled at the corner of his lip. “Um… about that.”

“Oh?”

“How do you think I sent you those letters?”

She lifted her head, her pale blue eyes clear, and he pulled his hand back. “I have no idea. I couldn’t figure it out. They helped me wonderfully, but I couldn’t understand why they were there.”

“Turns out that unless you’re already someone Fade-adjacent, like a mage or a Seeker, being in the Fade… it’ll do things to you.” He shrugged. “I wrote those letters in my dreams. Something about wanting to find you more than anything else -- ahh, you get the idea.”

Hawke raised her eyebrows, then winced when the action made the bruise on her forehead wrinkle. “A dwarf who can dream! What will they come up with next? Is it permanent?”

“It didn’t seem to be the first time around, but Solas gave me the once-over after we came back out with you,” said Varric. “Going into the raw Fade a second time… yeah, he thinks it’s permanent.”

Hawke’s mouth fell open. “Oh, Varric. I hope they aren’t bad ones, at any rate.”

“They’ll be better now, I think.” He leaned down, kissing the unbruised part of her temple. She hummed contentedly.

He studied her face, worn with new lines beneath her eyes, evidence of scars she would always carry. It wasn’t fair. She’d already given so much. She shouldn’t have had to go through this alone.

She gave him a rueful smile. “Perhaps your dreams will help you write new stories. I hear human authors use their dreams for inspiration all the time.” She paused for a moment, considering. “Speaking of dreams…” She frowned. “Mine seem different. Richer. Wider, somehow. I don’t know how to describe it.”

Varric hesitated. “Remember how I said being in the Fade’ll do stuff to you?”

Hawke’s eyes widened. “Varric…”

“Well… um…”

“Varric…”

But she saved him from having to explain things. The bedspread caught fire under her fists.

“What the --” she shrieked, smacking the flames out with her hands and wads of blanket. Thankfully, the flames smothered before Varric had a chance to try and help. “Are you serious?”

Varric shrugged uneasily. “Turns out that being in the Fade can make the right person… develop magic. So, uh. Congratulations.”

Hawke just stared at him for a few moments, smoke black and gauzy in the air beside her, the smell of the scorched bedspread acrid on the air. “Well,” she said thoughtfully, pursing her lips. “Shit.”

***

Dearest Bethany,

I’m here. I’m alive. I’m going to be all right.

Words can never be enough to thank you for what you did for me, for how you and Varric brought the others to help me. I will never, ever forget it.

Things are broken with the Wardens. Warden Clarel was tricked by Corypheus and his worm Erimond; the Wardens were forced into killing each other with blood magic. The Inquisitor is going to execute this Erimond bastard when they return to Skyhold, and I’m glad. It was vicious. I’m so grateful Aveline got you away from them.

Warden Alistair has gone to Weisshaupt to sort it out, and I think the Wardens will recover in the end. I expect they’ll want to see you again in time. But I am hoping you can stay near Kirkwall a little longer.

There’s so much to tell you, Bethany. I made it out of the Fade, thanks to you and Merrill and the others. But I guess being there in the flesh, for such a long time -- it changes you.

The mages here tell me I’m not possessed, and I’m still me. But whatever is in me of Dad, the Fade has brought it out.

I have magic now. I’m… a mage.

Not a powerful one, mind. They were quite clear on that. I’ll never be able to summon half the firestorms or the blizzards you were always so adept at. But there are little things I can do… and there are the dreams. They’re different now, full of birdsong and soft voices, and a green light that never fades.

I’m going to need a teacher, Bethany. Will you help me? Like Dad helped you?

Varric is coming back with me, just enough for me to get settled before he returns to the Inquisition. He’s got to see this Corypheus business through. I would stay and fight with him, but I need -- I need to see Kirkwall. And I want to see it again with you.

Expect me at the new moon, sister. I love you dearly.

Your sister, forever and always,

Min

PS: Have I mentioned that Varric and I have fallen in love? Because we have. I’m not joking, either. And I’ll have all the details for you when I arrive, no matter how red Varric’s ears get. (If you have the right topic of conversation, he actually blushes quite easily, it’s adorable.)

PPS: I mean it, Bethany. We really are in love. No joking, I promise.

PPPS: (Yes, we’ve slept together, and IT’S AMAZING, I really do mean it, ALL THE DETAILS when I come home!)

***

The light of the twin moons was pale and wan on the desert sand. Hawke rubbed her eyes. It was a beastly early hour, and cold as anything. Still, though, she knew it was better than trying to travel beneath the fierceness of the sun. Insects buzzed in the dark, their night-chorus layered and lush.

“It’s a long ways back to Kirkwall,” she said.

Varric nodded. “Don’t I know it.” He adjusted Bianca on his back, making sure she sat snugly with his pack.

“You don’t have to come, if you don’t want to. I’ll be all right.”

“I know,” he said. “You survived the Fade, didn’t you? But I’d miss you too damn much.”

“You’re terribly sentimental.”

“What can I say, Hawke? You bring out the best in me,” said Varric. And he reached out, folding her hand within his own, and she twined his fingers with his beneath the moonlight.

“It’s only because I love you.”

“Now who’s sentimental?” he asked, his voice a husky laugh. She bent and kissed him, hard, until they both burned for breath. She pulled away reluctantly, and only because she knew the dawn would soon be coming.

She put one boot down into the sand, then the other, in a familiar dance. Varric’s steps beside her felt nearly as familiar as her own. She walked into the dark beneath the pale white moons, beneath the stars, and she thought of home.

Author’s note:

It's finally finished! I have finally atoned for leaving Min Hawke in the Fade on my very first DA:I playthrough, and also satisfied my deep and burning desire for Hawke to fall in love with Varric. This is not the end for my stories about these two, but it's such a relief to have this incredibly important part of their relationship finally completed. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing about it!

A few notes:

Min's sparrow in the Fade? She thought it was Bethany's. It was actually her latent magic becoming activated and growing in the Fade, which was why the sparrow became more powerful as the final chapters finished. Min only half-realized it at the end of Chapter 8, but she had assumed she was imagining it, or that using the sparrow to make weapons was something limited to the Fade alone.

Min's minor mage skills will be easy to manage in some ways, difficult in others. Her fighting style's going to be awesomely augmented with barriers and spirit blades, but nights will get more difficult, as they will for Varric.

I really want to do some time in Kirkwall with Min and Bethany (and Merrill and perhaps even Anders), and training to use her magic as well as becoming reacquainted with the others.

Min will likely visit Skyhold multiple times during the remainder of the Inquisition years.

Where she and Varric will have obnoxiously loud sexytimes now that the cat is out of the bag.

Varric does learn to use dreams for inspiration. Some of those books do poorly, being strange and out of the normal realm of his work, but one series inspires an entirely new genre, something one reviewer describes as "scientific fiction."

#varric #varric tethras #varric x hawke #hawke x varric #dragon age: inquisition #dragon age 2 #dragon age #dwarf life #min hawke #FINALLY FINISHED THIS SUCKER YEAAAAAH

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