#so i felt completely lost today in latin class

[smile-files]

according to my friends at school i am:

an alien

a robot

a government spy

god (??)

a freak of nature

an anomaly

a distant relative of mothman

a cartoon character

will byers

a disney princess

inhuman (just generally)

[dotster001]

Bite

Summary: Dia Akedia x gn!reader Unfortunately for your sleepy self, your boyfriend's love language is biting.

A/N: inspired by my cat, and Dia's lack of embarrassment. Very short, but hopefully still enjoyable.

You would like to think that, after so long in Saligia, you'd have adapted to the sleep schedule. But, sometimes, your body relapsed. It would remember how “morning time” used to be when you would wake up, and “night time” was when you slept.

Day's like today, you would just sleep through your first class. Not that your paramour cared. He intended to skip class. What he didn't like was that you weren't paying attention to him.

“Y/N,” he whispered, as he snuggled even closer to you. You were only vaguely aware of him, opting to grumble and turn your back to him.

“Y/N,” he whined, pressing his lips to your neck, planting sloppy wet kisses along it.

You grumbled some more, swatting vaguely around you.

He huffed. He leaned back into your neck again, and bit down.

“Dia, no,” you whined, pulling your blanket over your head. “Let me sleeeeeep.”

You heard an unexcited “hmph”, and for a moment, you thought he would just lay back down and go to sleep. Maybe cuddle with you a little.

Then you felt a puff of warm air on a part of your hip that was not completely covered by the blanket, and before you could react, he'd bit again.

You made yourself even smaller under the blanket, tucking it in around yourself so there were no gaps for him to get under. This time, you heard a “grr”. 

“Diaaaaaaaa, I need sleep!”

Now you heard a grumbling of words in, what sounded like, latin, as he began searching for the edge of the blanket so that he could drag it off you.

“I. Want. You. To. Love. Me.” He punctuated each word with a yank at the blanket. 

“I do love you. I just love you more when you let me sleep,” you whined, fighting just as hard to keep the blanket on on your still sleepy body. A particularly hard yank sent Dia tumbling off the bed, but it also meant you were now completely defenseless. He quickly got up, and leapt on top of you, laying his entire weight on you, as he leaned in and nibbled your cheek, quickly moving to nibble the tip of your nose.  You grabbed your pillow from under your head, and hit him on the head with it.

He froze, glaring at you.

“I want to sleep,” you said, firmly.

“Fine,” he said cooly, standing up and leaving the room, but not before kicking the blanket slightly out of reach.

You stood up to grab the blanket, laid yourself back down and snuggled up in the most comfortable way ever. Then you closed your eyes.

And it was then that you realized you had lost all your sleep fighting him off.

You reopened your eyes and growled in frustration. You stood up, got dressed, then made the trek to your, soon to be smug ass, boyfriend’s room.

[inkofamethyst]

April 24, 2023

The expectation of perfection is what got me to where I am, but it is, unfortunately, an impossible standard to reach.  One that becomes both harder to maintain and harder to relinquish with time.  (I am overreacting.  I forgot the deadline for one (1) online quiz assignment in cell bio which is entirely graded on participation and now I can’t even get partial credit EVEN THOUGH I LITERALLY FINISHED IT LONG BEFORE IT WAS DUE but I just didn’t submit it for some reason?? like an idiot gaaaAHHhhh this is even worse than forgetting to do the assignment altogether oh my god.  All I want is an A in this class so I can graduate with latin stinking honors (because for whatever reason my uni’s cutoffs are way higher than everywhere else’s it seems) and wear that special stupid special tassel and these dumb quizzes were easy points to buffer any “poor” exam performance (for the record, I have gotten an A+ on the two previous exams, but who knows what the third one might bring (ahem, I suspect Ctrl+F will be just as useful but WHO KNOWS)) but now I just have to be way more careful (it’s really funny to write this, actually, because I’ll read this back in a few years, smile, shake my head, and recognize that this is a very small thing in the grand scheme of things to be pressed about, like, odds are, I’m going to be just fine, I’m just feeling my feelings very intensely right now).)

And along similar lines, I also recognize that it is unreasonable to consider my attendance at the conference a failure based on the fact that I could not complete one singular goal despite the many, many positive things I did while I was there (I learned (so much)!  I caught up with friends/peers/colleagues/mentors (and made new ones)!  My presentation went well!), but I feel like a failure because I didn’t manage to introduce myself to the one person I knew I wanted to meet.  I had a plan and everything, but the singular dude I wanted to meet didn’t stay in the room after his talk so I lost him entirely.  I memorized his outfit and everything on the off chance I missed him after the session and I literally didn’t see him the entire rest of the day.  It’s like... I’m an adult and I couldn’t handle finding and introducing myself to one person?  Unreasonable amounts of self-doubt and disappointment are creeping in :/ (Realistically and logically, anything could have happened to make it so that we were somehow never in the same spaces at the same times, and this is unnecessary pressure to put on myself, but, as I mentioned before, I have these terribly high expectations (Great Expectations, if you will) and might be crushing myself under their weight.)

Anyway, I just feel a little out of control again, today.  And the worst part is that Life is just like this.  All the time.  I cannot expect to be in control of everything that will impact me.  Hate that.

But yeah.  The conference was good.  Not much to say on that front, really.  A little less exciting than last year’s (March 27, 2022) because it wasn’t my first and I was also presenting on something that I didn’t care that much about (the topic was interesting! just not a field I see myself going into, really).  Very thankful that I knew more people this time, though I still felt like enough of a relative baby in the discipline to feel really awkward while walking around sometimes.  It was nice to be invited out to places though :)

Thankful for the opportunity to attend a national conference two years in a row and present there as an undergraduate.  Invaluable opportunity.  Also thankful that I didn’t have to pay for travel or lodging because my current research advisor had enough funding to handle it for me.  Also also thankful to have not been the only student from my uni this year!!!  Also also also thankful that my current research advisor is a genuinely caring person and fought for us to all get home on time when our travel plans ran into trouble.

Can’t wait to present again at my uni so I can be done with this topic once and for all (and this upcoming presentation will be so much easier in comparison bc I won’t be surrounded by literal experts (I had like two literal experts come up to me and pester me (it wasn’t mean lol I actually really appreciated their input and poignant questions, as afraid of them as I was))).  I really am more of a bones girlie anyway.

Lastly, I mustered up my courage and wore a long skirt today!!  It’s one of the ones I thrifted (and it’s a lil busted in some places ngl), and I got a lot of compliments on it today which was lovely :)  I still need a slip, but this was a start.

[edit, one hour later: AAAAA ALSO ONLY THREE MORE WEEKS OF SCHOOOOOOL]

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part One

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven,

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 10k+

Warnings: None... yet...

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor (Eventual)

Right! I wrote the beginning of this fic months ago. It’s going to get angsty so be ready. But the purpose of the first part is to introduce this version of B!D, a well known singer in a grammy award winning band. I honestly had a great time writing this first part!

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated.

For @thewitchandtheassassin​, @natasha-danvers​, @life-is-hella-unfair​, @finleyfray​, @supergirl-writingz​,

The screeching of Emma Danver’s alarm makes her hazel green eyes shoot open. Normally on a Saturday she wouldn’t have her alarm set and would laze in bed. Especially when she is home from her latest world tour. However, today was going to be a day filled with the Superfriends, and she can’t wait!

Emma had mentioned at the latest game night that she wanted to check out a beach over an hour away from the city and how they could make a day of it. Kara, her Supergirl sister, instantly accepted the idea while bouncing up and down with excitement. Mostly everyone else agreed, happy to know the summer sun would be in full force that day.

Well they still had to persuade a few people, mainly Lena and Alex. But when Emma and Kara both knelt in front of the women with their identical Danvers pouts they were forcibly won over.

Emma smiles as she stretches and runs her hands through her wavy blonde hair. She quickly gets out of bed and opens her curtains. Sighing happily and just enjoying the sunshine blazing into her penthouse bedroom. Emma can totally see how Kara gets her Supergirl powers from the sun, how it recharges her and makes her the Woman of Steel.

After a few more minutes Emma turns and grabs her phone. While making her way to her ensuite she messages the group chat.

Emma: Gooooooodd Mmmoooorrrrnnnniiiinnnngggg!!! How’s everyone? Seriously can’t wait for today!

After having a quick shower Emma wanders back into her room and decides what to wear. She puts on her turquoise surf bikini with her tight black surfing shorts. She wears her blue jean shorts over the top, and a white tank top. She finishes her outfit off with her many bracelets, her apple watch and a layered necklace that has a star, sun and swan pendant. Symbolising each of the Danvers sisters. Alex is the star, Kara is the sun and Emma is the swan.

Swan became one of Emma’s nicknames in school due to there being a lot of Emma’s in the class. Her friends joked she was a swan princess due to doing ballet when she had asked them to come to a recital. Which they did and were in awe, but you know. Emma happily accepted the nickname, taking it as a compliment. Emma smiles as she looks at her ballet shoes strung over her mirror. ‘Another thing I need to get back into.’ Emma thinks wistfully. She still loves dancing, especially the latin styles like samba and tango. But she doesn’t have the time.

As she draws her attention to her reflection she definitely looks like a surfer chick, lean, toned and sun kissed. Which she was happily going for. She’s been dying to surf for ages but just hasn’t had the time. Her band had recently returned from a sell out world tour. And sadly most of the places they played at didn’t have beaches or the right surf. She felt sorry for her neglected surfboard in the back of the tour bus.

Her phone pings drawing her attention away from her musings. Emma laughs when she sees a few messages have already been sent.

Kara: Good morning sunshine! I’m sssoooooo excited too! Did you need me to bring anything else? I got all the food ready!

Kelly: Of course you’d have the food Kara!

Kelly: And good morning Emma! Shall I bring my swimsuit? Anyone going for a swim?

Kara: Ooo I am! And I think Emma is going to surf?

James: Why are you guys texting this early? I could have had at least another hour or more of sleep.

Alex: I agree with James… Emma, I hate you.

Emma chuckles at Alex’s message while she gets a bag ready with a change of clothes.

Emma: Love you too Alex!

Kara: Ahem… What about me?!

Emma: Love you too Kara!

Alex: You love me more though right?

Emma: No I love you both the same!

Kara: *Wink Wink*

Alex: Hey!

Nia: What am I just decoration?

Emma: No of course not Nia! I love you too!

James: What about me?

Kelly: And me!

Emma: Yes James and Kelly I love you both too.

Lena: Do you love me?

Emma pauses before she responds to Lena’s text. Honestly, she’s had a crush on her since the moment they met. But Lena is way out of Emma’s league. A CEO dating a musician and artist like Emma wouldn’t work. She’s not clever or brave like Kara or Alex.

Once when Lena had met her for lunch, Lena had explained what being a CEO entailed. Emma’s mind melted; it was so complex. Lena just laughed at her exasperated expression trying to figure it all out. “And that, my darling, is why you are an artist and I am a CEO.” Emma practically melted at Lena’s smile from across the table.

But that’s one of the things she loves about Lena, her passion for her work and drive for making the world a better place. And her smile. To Emma, Lena’s smile lights up the whole room.

Sighing Emma looks back down at her phone.

Emma: I love you the most… *Delete*

Emma: Yea I love you too. :)

‘Somewhat truthful…’ Emma thinks as she puts her phone in her pocket, grabbings her backpack, guitar case and placing it by the door. Kneeling on her sofa she pulls her surfboard up from behind, giving it a quick hug. Excitement surges through her veins at the thought of surfing the waves.

‘Rao I hope the waves are good today!’ Emma wishes as she swings the board around and accidentally knocks her recent Grammy on the floor. “Shoot!” Emma yelps and quickly drops her surfboard to pick up the award. Emma sighs in relief when she turns it over in her hands, seeing it wasn’t broken. Out of all her awards, this year's Grammy meant the most to her. The album had been a real breakthrough moment for her and the band, Axis, and they swept away the competition. Emma remembers the feeling of pride and honour when their name was called. How she and the rest of the band rushed to the stage in unison and linked arms as each said a thank you.

Emma carefully places the Grammy down and picks up her surfboard. Grabbing the rest of her stuff she locks the door behind her and takes the elevator down to her beloved yellow VW beetle. Which she affectionately calls the ‘bug’. Emma puts her stuff in the car and carefully straps the board onto the roof rack before getting into the driver's seat.

Taking her phone out she sends Lena and Kara a quick message to say she’s on her way to pick them up. Alex and Kelly are picking up Sam. Who did try and persuade Ruby to come but now as a teenager, Ruby has better things to do then hang out with her Mom and her Mom’s friends. James is giving J'onn, Nia and Brainy a ride.

Emma quickly plugs in her phone and chooses to blare out her playlist of her favourite songs. As she pulls out of the underground parking garage she starts singing and making dramatic hand movements as she dances along. Not caring if people see her.

Soon she’s outside Lena’s apartment building and as she turns the music down Lena Luthor herself was exiting the building. Emma’s mouth drops open with how beautiful Lena looks. And how different she looks too! Gone were the suits and smart wear of a CEO. Instead Lena was wearing a thigh length red patterned skirt that matched her red lips with a black crop top. To finish the look off she wore a black bowler hat.

When Lena opens the passenger door Emma quickly closes her mouth.

“Hi Em!” Lena smiles brightly at the blonde and leans over to place a kiss on Emma’s cheek. Making the blonde blush and causing her brain short circuits.

“Hi Lee!” Emma says more high pitched than normal.

Lena grins at her in amusement. ‘Rao I could get lost in those green eyes.’

“Er, Em… We gonna go?” Lena teases causing Emma to jump and pull away from the pavement. “So, how has your week been?”

“Fine. Got a commission to complete before Thursday but I’m almost done. I actually have to thank you, it's the lovely couple we met at the recent gala we went to.”

Whenever Emma is back in the city Lena always invites her to the gala’s. Surprisingly Emma finds she enjoys them, especially when it's one of Lena’s charity events. Lena and Emma are both thrilled to find Emma has a talent in being able to persuade the rich attendees to donate their money. Even from those who have never donated before. “It’s the Danvers charms!” Emma would laugh and wink at Lena when the raven haired women would be dumbfounded at the cheque in her hand from a rival.

“Mr and Mrs Green?” Lena asks, remembering how the couple were enthralled with Emma’s work as an artist and musician. Their donation had been one of the biggest of that night. ‘No surprise there.’ Lena smirks.

“Yea them.” Emma nods while concentrating on driving. She does love the city life but driving through it can be such a pain.

“What did they ask for?” Lena inquires while picking at a loose thread in her skirt.

“Mainly a seascape of a view they had back in the UK. Thatchers rock… I think.” To be honest Emma had been surprised by the Green’s enthusiasm when she showed them her portfolio. How they were willing to wait for Emma’s tour to finish before getting their commission. It had been made easier that there was a reference to work on. Even though she has never been to that part of the UK. Mainly the cities dotting around the island. And even though Emma doesn’t need the money she enjoys doing something different. Her art gives her another escape.

“What style are you doing it in?” Lena asks as she bobs her head along with Emma to the music. Something she’s never done before until getting rides with Emma. Something about the blonde’s carefree attitude rubbing off on her.

“I’m using oil this time. I think it works better with the layering and it can really make the sea look like it’s moving you know? Well… If I get it right.” Emma realises she started to ramble and quickly cuts herself off. Certain Lena wouldn’t want to hear the techniques Emma has been using. “If all goes to plan the painting should look different with the different lighting of the day.”

“I am sure you will darling.” Lena smiles widely at her.

Emma smiles back. Feeling butterflies zoom round her stomach at the term of endearment.

“Thanks Lee.” Emma taps her thumbs to the beat while they wait for a light to turn green.

“How-”

“How’d-”

They both stop when they realise they both started talking.

“You go.” Emma motions Lena to continue.

“How’s everything going with the band?”

“It’s going really, really well! We are already writing songs for the next album. But we’ve also really benefited having this time off too.” Emma grins thinking of the other band members. 

In some ways they’ve become another little family to her. The four other guys were already formed and were looking for a female influence. Emma saw the flyer and thought ‘why not!’ before calling them and doing an audition. The guys were blown away by her voice and talent. Unanimously they agreed she can become a member of the band and ultimately making her the lead singer. That was over eight years ago when Emma was eighteen and Axis were well known in certain areas of America but when Emma joined their popularity skyrocketed. 

However fame didn’t matter to Emma, but she loves performing and writing music. Especially when she gets fan messages about how her songs have helped someone get through a difficult time and gave them hope. She always makes sure to save those messages.

“Sounds exciting.” Lena agrees, nodding her head.

“Speaking of deals.” Emma pauses to concentrate on the traffic. “How’d the deal with the Japanese go?”

Even though Emma wasn’t looking at Lena she could feel the big eye roll the raven haired beauty did.

“That good huh?” Emma jokes but feels for the CEO.

“Honestly it was a nightmare. They kept going around in circles and I’m just getting over the migraine!” Lena dramatically rubs her forehead. Which Emma misses from looking at the road.

“Ah no.” Emma frowns as she quickly looks at Lena. “Are you sure you’re okay to come to the beach?”

“Yes I’m fine.” Lena smirks at Emma’s concern.

“Okay, I am glad you’re coming.” Emma smiles brightly back.

Lena raises an eyebrow. “Did I have a choice?” Lena teases.

“Yes! But it would have made me very sad if you hadn’t.” Emma pouts dramatically and pulls off her best puppy dog eyes.

“And that’s why I said yes.” Lena chuckles at how adorable Emma looks.

Soon they pull up to Kara’s building and she’s already waiting outside. Piles of bags by her feet. Both Lena and Emma laugh at the sight. “Joys of being Supergirl I guess!��� Emma jokes about Kara’s metabolism.

As she parks Emma can’t help but remember the day Kara became a part of the Danvers family.

Emma had taken to the alien quicker then Alex, especially as there was only a year age difference between the two blondes. She also found she became the bridge between Alex and Kara. Over time the three learned how to live with the new dynamic and would soon enjoy each other's company. Kara and Alex would laugh when little Emma would cheerfully yell that they were the three musketeers as they played with wooden swords or practically any activity that involved the three of them. Even making hot chocolate together.

When Kara became Supergirl Emma almost had a fit. She’d been in New York for a sold out week of gigs when she had seen the news in the early hours of the morning. Frantically she called Kara to see if she was okay and getting even more frantic when she realised Alex had been on the plane too. The two sisters were eventually able to calm her down after a lot of sobbing and panic from her end. When Emma returned to National City she held onto her sisters a lot tighter that day. Eventually the three ended up falling asleep together on the sofa. Emma in the middle of the two as they wrapped their arms around each other.

Emma’s musings were interrupted when Kara slammed the car boot down hard. Causing the car to bounce.

“Careful Kara!” Emma yells, knowing full well her sister would hear her.

“Sorry little one! I’m just so excited!” Kara squeals as she opens the backseat door before leaping in.

“Hey I’m only a year younger than you!” Emma frowns into the rear view mirror to glare at her sister. Who just sticks her tongue back at her while clicking in her seat belt.

They continue the hour long drive to the beach, chatting and singing along to Emma’s playlist. Lena watches on in amazement as Kara sings the melody and Emma does some beautiful harmonies around her. They all laugh and cheer when Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ comes on.

“Come on Lena! Join in!” Emma yells while she puts the volume right up. So Lena does. When the rock part of the song comes on all three of them dance and headbang along. Lena laughs as she feels so carefree. She pauses when Emma starts singing passionately to the next verse.

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye So you think you can love me and leave me to die Oh, baby, can’t do this to me, baby Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

Honestly she could listen to Emma’s voice for hours. Which is probably why she secretly went to as many of Emma’s gigs as possible. But every time she would go to reveal herself to Emma she would back peddle and leave. Knowing that someone as talented as Emma was way out of her league. Her pride for her friend as she watched with the Superfriends at Kara’s apartment as Axis won Grammy after Grammy, award after award. How they screamed with joy and hugged each other after each announcement. Plus Lena thought someone as pure and happy as Emma wouldn’t do well with someone broken like Lena. So she keeps her feelings to herself and tries to be content with being Emma’s friend.

Lena’s heart warms as she remembers meeting Emma for the first time over 3 years ago. She had been at one of her first game nights with the Superfriends when a knock sounded on Kara’s door. Everyone had looked at each other in surprise as no one was missing. Lena watched Kara bounce towards the door and as she opened it a continuous scream of surprise and happiness escaped Kara’s mouth. This caused Alex to rush over in response and suddenly scream as well. The two sisters practically tackled the blonde beauty out into the hallway where they fell into a laughing heap. Kara kissed the blonde’s head over and over while Alex held onto her like a koala bear and kissed her cheek over and over.

Finally they untangled and Kara dragged the other blonde into her apartment. Excitedly introducing everyone to her little sister, Emma. The Superfriends each individually greeted the newcomer and when it came to Lena’s turn Emma had stepped forward and gave her an affectionate hug. Laughing that Kara has told Emma so much about her that she feels she already knows Lena well. When Emma stepped away from the hug they both ignored the warm feelings racing around their bodies. Lena had to agree as both the Danvers sister’s spoke of Emma fondly and how proud they were of Emma’s success. Lena hadn’t told anyone this but she bought all of Emma's music to listen to it after Kara gushed about her sister. She instantly fell in love with the voice coming through the speakers.

Kara soon asked why Emma was in National City and Emma excitedly revealed that Axis was moving to National City. Lena again ignored the feeling of excitement that shot through her. And again Emma was tackled to the floor as both Alex and Kara leapt towards her in celebration.

“Lena?” Kara’s voice breaks through her thinking and Lena turns to look back at her best friend. Listening intently as Kara excitedly explains a new prototype Brainy is designing to help Kara not be so affected by Kryptonite.

“Maybe I can help with it?” Lena offers kindly.

Kara’s smile brightens up even more. “That would be swell!”

Lena gives Kara a small smile before turning back to the front. To be honest it still stings that Kara didn’t tell her Supergirl secret to the CEO. It had been two years after Emma had moved back to National City when Lena and Kara were having lunch but Kara was being called away. Again. Lena couldn’t stop herself and blurted out she knew Kara’s secret. She will never forget how Kara’s face fell and the promise of talking about it after she’s finished. Lena’s face grew cold as her walls shot up. She told Kara not to bother and stormed out of the restaurant to her penthouse apartment. She refused to see anyone or answer her phone. Allowing her past hurts and hatred to simmer and boil.

That was until a knock sounded on her door. She chose to ignore it but the knocking persisted.

“Come on Lena, please open the door. Let’s talk about this.” Emma’s muffled voice sounded through the door.

“Why should I?” Lena spits out as she draws closer, crossing her arms tightly over her chest.

“Because you shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Lena scoffs. “And why not?”

“Because you’ll allow your demons to lie to you and it will eat you up.” Emma had experience with this herself.

Tears fill Lena’s eyes and against the screaming in her head she reaches out and opens the door.

“Hey you.” Emma gives Lena a small smile before stepping into the apartment. Placing the takeout bags on the floor and pulling Lena into a tight hug. Allowing Lena to break down as she sobs into Emma’s shoulder. All her past hurts rushing forward and spewing out.

After she was spent Emma gently led her to the sofa and reheated the food. Making sure Lena ate. They talked long into the night and when Lena started rubbing her eyes from exhaustion Emma helped her get ready for bed. As Lena slid between the sheets Emma leaned down to give her a goodnight hug. But stopped when Lena wouldn't let her go. “Stay.” Lena whispered. So Emma grabbed a pair of her spare clothes she left for times like this and got in next to her. Lena shifted over to her and rested her head on Emma’s shoulder. Emma wrapped her arms around Lena and held her close. They don’t say anything more but drift into a peaceful sleep.

“We’re here!” Emma sings out, causing Lena to jump slightly. They pull into a car park right next to the beach.

“Oh wow!! Look at the sea! It’s so beautiful!” Kara gasps as she presses herself against the window and like an excited child she unbuckles and races towards the beach. Having already spotted Alex, Kelly and Sam setting up.

Emma snorts at her sister’s behaviour while she unbuckles her seatbelt.

“Er… She will help us with the food? Right?” Lena looks back at the overflow of food bags in the back of the bug.

“Yea as soon as she realises she will shoot back up here.” Emma chuckles while getting out of the car. And Kara did just that as Emma went to pay for a parking ticket she watched Kara race back up to them, in human speed. “Glad to see you helping.” Emma raises an eyebrow at her sister as Kara reaches the bug.

“Sorry! I just got really excited! It’s so beautiful here!” Kara bounces like a puppy.

“Now you understand why I dragged you here instead of going to the beach at NC?” Emma says while carefully unstrapping her board before lowering it and leaning it up against the bug.

“Yes, yes.” Kara keeps her eyes on the beach.

“Hey.” Emma smirks at her distracted sister.

“Yea?” Kara tears her eyes away to look at Emma. Smiling when Emma opens are arms and they hug. “Haven’t been able to give you one yet.” Emma says in her ear. Kara buries her face into Emma’s neck, enjoying the warmth and feeling of home whenever she hugs her sisters.

The car door closing makes them break apart. “Okay I think that’s everything.” Lena says while looking at the small mountain of bags.

“Thanks Lena!” Kara sings as she grabs half of the bags before Emma can tell her to only take a few. Hopefully no one will question how a slim woman can carry that much weight. Lena catches Emma’s eye and they both roll their eyes at each other.

“Jink!” Emma yells causing Lena to do another eye roll. Before Emma can reach down for her stuff Lena steps forward.

“Can I have a hug too?”

“Sure you can Lee.” Emma opens her arms wide and Lena almost tackles her with her enthusiasm. They both sigh happily as they hold onto each other a bit longer than necessary. Emma breaks the hug and steps back, grabbing her backpack, placing a few food bags on her shoulders picking up her guitar, and securing her surfboard under her arm. “Oh Lee don’t take that many, Kara will come up and get the last few.”

“Okay.” Lena nods while swinging a food bag on each of her shoulders and they start walking towards the beach. “Kara is right though, it’s really beautiful here.”

Emma smiles at her, happy Lena approves. The sand was a beautiful white which made the sea clear and looked like a gorgeous turquoise and teal. The richness of the colours makes Emma want to weep with happiness. They could pretend like they were in the Caribbean or on the Hawaiian islands.

“Hey Peanut!” Alex yells as Emma approaches her.

Peanut has always been Alex’s nickname for Emma since their parents told three year old Alex she was going to be a big sister. Alex had been fascinated about it all and when her Mom had told her the baby was the size of a peanut the name stuck. Even when Emma grew and was the size of tennis ball Alex would still refer to the baby as Peanut.

“Hey sis!” Emma yells back, dumping her stuff on one of the picnic blankets. Alex comes over and pulls Emma into a tight hug, quickly followed by Kelly and Sam. “Been a long time Sam, how are you?”

“I know I’m sorry!” Sam says as she takes a step back. “Life’s been hectic!”

“Oh don’t I know it.” Emma laughs. “Maybe you can ask your boss to allow you to have a life?” Emma teases while giving Lena a pointed look.

“Not my problem she wants to work longer hours then she is contracted!” Lena places her hands on her hips.

“Maybe she’s following her boss's example? And maybe the boss needs to cut down too? Maybe relax a bit?” Emma stalks towards her crush.

“Maybe-” Lena stops what she was going to say and tilts her head as she watches Emma approach. A smirk on her face. “What are you doing?”

Suddenly Emma reaches out and starts tickling Lena who laughs loudly and tries to swat the blonde away.

“Lena! She’s ticklish too!” Alex snickers as she goes through the food bags.

“Traitor!” Emma yells as Lena starts her own assault. The two women fall to the sand in fits of giggles as they wrestle. Before Emma can gain the upper hand Lena straddles her and continues tickling her. “No! Lena!” Emma kicks out trying to shift the woman on top of her. But Lena was not budging. “Argh! I surrender! Please!” Emma wheezes.

“I win?" Lena stops and gazes down at Emma triumphantly.

“You win.” Emma coughs and when Lena moves off her she instantly misses the feeling of Lena’s weight on top of her.

“Are you ladies done or are you going to help?” Alex raises her eyebrow at them as they catch their breath.

“Yes ma'am.” Emma salutes before getting up, rubbing the sand off herself and reaching out to help Lena up. They smirk at each other and set to work getting the rest of the blankets and chairs out for the Superfriends.

Soon the other group arrives and they all sit chatting and relaxing. The men start setting the BBQ up, insisting they can do it, much to the amusement of the women as they try to do it without looking at the instructions.

Alex, Kara and Emma smile at each other as they share a look before giggling. The Danvers sisters have barbecuing in the great outdoors down to an art. But if it keeps the men happy they stay quiet. Sighing Emma turns away from the entertainment and looks out to sea, watching the waves and the surfers riding them.

Alex shuffles up to her, resting her head on Emma’s shoulder. “You can go if you want.”

Emma rests the side of her head on her sister’s. “I know, but the waves aren’t quite right yet.”

“Okay.” Alex wraps her arms around Emma, who returns the gesture and holds onto Alex. Emma moves her head and kisses Alex’s head before resting her own on Alex’s again.

Alex smiles and kisses Emma’s hand that's holding her close. At first Alex wasn’t too keen on the idea of coming to the beach, too much work to do at the DEO and an hour travelling seems like an eternity. But Alex is glad she came. They sit content.

“How can you tell if the waves are not right?” Brainy asks, having left J'onn and James to sort out the BBQ.

Emma looks up at him. “I don’t know, you just can. It’s a feeling.” Emma runs a hand through her hair trying to think of a better way to explain it. “Like when you are out there you know a big wave is coming, the wave. You just got to be patient and take the moment when it comes.”

Brainy tilts his head at her. “I think I understand.”

“Well I’m glad you did.” Alex snorts and yelps when Emma playfully slaps her bare arm.

“Oh come on I didn’t slap you that hard!” Emma laughs but rubs her sister’s arm.

“Anyone wanna play rounders?” Lena asks the group as she picks up one of her bags. She pulls out a rounders bat, which is shorter than a baseball bat, and ball.

“Rounders?” Kara asks, confused. “Don’t you mean baseball?”

“No, I mean rounders, it’s what we played at my boarding school. It’s the game that baseball came from. The first known account of it was in 1744 with the Tudors.” Half of the group look at Lena blankly, while the other half look interested and know who the Tudors are. “Basically you still have four bases, home runs etc. The bowler must do underarm, though we can do overarm…” Lena pauses. “It’s just different okay?”

“Sounds good to me!” Sam leaps to her feet and starts setting the four bases up. Everyone else follows suit and splits into teams, Lena and Sam being the captains of each team. On Lena’s team is Kara, James, Alex and Emma versus Sam’s team which has Kelly, J'onn, Brainy and Nia.

After a coin toss Lena’s team bats first with Sam being the bowler, or pitcher, as Alex yells out.

“And can we make a rule of no powers? We don’t want the ball getting batted into space!” Sam jokes as she jogs to bowler base.

“Sounds fair.” Kara says looking at J'onn who nods in agreement. She gets into position to bat. She hits the ball no problem and starts to run, but she hits the ball too high and Brainy is already waiting to catch it.

“Out!” Sam yells as Brainy holds the ball in his hand, causing Kara to skid to a halt. She turns and walks back to the team, kicking the sand as she goes.

“Hard luck sis.” Alex rubs Kara’s back when she comes back to the line up. Pouting all the way. Emma gives her a hug and kisses her cheek.

“You’ll do it next time.” Emma reassures her.

They watch James get into position and hit quite a good ball. He manages to get to third base before having to stop when Nia catches the ball while on 4th base.

Lena is the next to go and Emma can’t help but watch as she sways her hips getting ready to strike. Her ball goes low and far. She sprints off and her team screams and cheers when she manages to do a home run.

“Nicely done Lee!” Emma holds her hand out to high five the out of breath CEO.

“Thanks.” Lena smiles brightly at the blonde while holding onto her hand longer than necessary.

Alex is up next, feeling the pressure of going after Lena’s home run.

“You got this babe!” Kelly smiles from the 2nd base. Alex smiles back at her before readying herself. She misses the first ball.

“Strike 1!”

Huffing Alex gets back into position again. And misses.

“Strike two!”

“You got this Al!” Emma claps and encourages her sister.

Taking a deep breath Alex readies herself and watches the ball. She manages to hit it and sprints to 2nd base.

“Nice to see you Alex!” Kelly teases the red head causing Alex to gently shove her girlfriend.

“Right you’re up Emma!” Sam calls as she catches the ball.

Emma picks the bat up, wiping the sand off it and stands in position. Noticing the opponents are standing mainly to the left, Emma decides to trick them. When Sam throws the ball she quickly turns her body and whacks the ball to the right side of the field far away from the group. She runs half the way and seeing Brainy is still running to the ball she walks the rest of the way, dancing and blowing kisses. She starts sprinting the last few feet as the ball is being thrown towards Nia. The team celebrates her home run and they play a few more rounds, having a few collisions and lots of laughter. They have two more goes each and swap over. Lena takes over as the bowler. “Pitcher!” Alex yells as she runs to man 2nd base.

The new batting team does just as well and Sam’s team are one point behind. J’onn is up as the last batter, it’s all on him. If he gets a home run Sam’s team has won the game. Emma watches the ball carefully as Lena throws it and in a split second it's coming right at her. She reaches out her hand and catches it. Everyone stares dumbfoundead before yelling in surprise and either excitement from winning or groans for losing.

Emma’s team crowd her and she laughs at the attention.

“Emma?” A voice says behind her.

Emma’s head shoots round and she smiles when she sees her bandmates standing there.

“Guys?” She rushes towards them. Emma had told them of her plans and had invited them to join. They had said they were busy so it's a huge surprise to Emma that they stood in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

“We are… Wanted to talk to you.” Jack, the guitarist and other singer, says before he looks at the Superfriends behind Emma, watching them intently. “Alone.”

“Sure.” Emma shrugs, she turns back to Lena and throws her the ball. Emma walks with her bandmates along the beach until they are far enough away. Though Emma is sure Kara can still hear them. “So, whats up? Everything okay?”

“Er… So about that-” Danny, the drummer, starts but rubs his neck. Feeling very awkward. Frankie, the keyboardist, doesn’t make eye contact with Emma and shuffles his feet in the sand.

Mick interrupts. “We want to leave the band.”

Emma’s mind screeches to a halt. “Leave? All of you?”

“Yea Em. Just with Jack getting engaged, Frankie’s Dad being ill and Danny’s baby is due. We just don’t have the same drive like you do.” Mick looks sadly at her. “We are a great team, but it’s just not the same. After moving to National City we realised we want to settle, have families, the whole white picket fence thing.”

Emma places her hands on her hips, biting her lips to stop the tears threatening to fall. “What about the new album? We’ve already written most of the songs.”

“You don’t need us Em. You are the front runner and can do this with anyone.” Jack tries to reassure her.

“But they won’t be you.” Emma’s heart starts to break when she looks at the finality in each of their eyes. “And… And nothing I can say will change your minds?”

Her four bandmates shake their heads.

“Okay.” Emma looks up at the sky, taking a deep breath before looking back at the men in front of her. “Well, can we do a farewell tour?”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Danny smiles sadly at her and the other three nod.

“Can we give you a hug?” Jack asks quietly, hating seeing Emma so defeated.

Emma nods and they go in for a long group hug. But as the tears start to spill Emma breaks the hug and rushes back to the Superfriends. Ignoring any questions, she throws off her clothes and jewellery and grabs her board. Sprinting to the surf and diving into the sea.

She paddles quickly, still hearing voices, most likely Kara and Alex, calling after her. But she drowns it out by duck diving under a wave as it rolls over her and she resurfaces. Emma continues further out past the swell where she can stop and just lie there. Letting the board bob as she gazes at the horizon. Emma allows her tears to fall. Her face distorts with her disappointment and hurt.

‘What am I going to do?’ Emma thinks. She gets why the guys want to leave. Knowing this would happen one day. Or at least a break, but it still hurts. ‘Since when did it change for them?’ Emma stays like this for a while, lost in her own thoughts.

Some time later splashing behind her makes her turn her head and she sits up. A wet laugh breaks through her lips when she sees Kara and Alex balancing on a paddle board trying to reach her. Alex particularly looks like how a cat would look in this situation. On her knees and very tense having come to a very deep part of the beach. Alex doesn’t like not being able to touch the bottom, or see it. Kara is using the paddle, obviously using a bit of her super strength with how quickly they are going.

“What you laughing at?” Alex snaps.

“Nothing.” Emma smiles sadly at her while wiping the tears from her face. She swings her legs around and places them either side of the board. When the paddle board comes alongside Emma’s, Kara moves to sit down. Causing Alex to shriek as the board rocks dangerously. Emma reaches out and steadies it while trying not to laugh.

“Sorry Alex!” Kara apologises before turning her attention to Emma. “You okay?”

Immediately Emma’s smile drops and her eyes fill with tears again. She furiously rubs her eyes to stop them. “Yea fine.”

“No you’re not.” Alex sighs, hating seeing her sister look so unhappy.

“Guessing you heard?” Emma looks at Kara who nods sadly. Crinkle on her forehead evident of her concern. Emma looks down at her hands, not able to look at her sisters anymore. “I just… I get why…” Emma exhales deeply. “It just hurts you know. We are so in sync with each other and I honestly can’t imagine having to restart all that again.”

“But you will.” Alex reaches out and touches Emma’s linked hands. “Because your voice, your music needs to be heard Em.”

“Yea it's one of my favourite sounds, like ever.” Kara agrees. “But you know you will always have us, right?”

Emma nods, allowing a few more tears to fall.

Alex reaches out and wipes the tears from Emma’s cheeks. “And yes it sucks right in this moment but you will get through this. We will both help you through this.”

“Totally.” Kara agrees.

“Thanks.” Somehow Alex manages to hug Emma without falling in and Kara joins them.

Right on queue Kara’s stomach rumbles. “Oh and lunch is ready.”

“Uh oh the monsters coming.” Emma smirks as she looks at her alien sister.

“Race ya?!” Kara jumps to her feet making the board rock dangerously and had Emma not been holding Alex the red head would have fallen in. After making sure her sisters were okay Emma waves them off.

“Nah, you go on ahead, I’ll be right behind you.”

Emma watches her sisters go, hoping Kara has enough control not to cause Alex to fall in too far from the beach. She keeps her eyes fixed on them, slowly following in case Alex needed her. But when they reach the shore Emma lets out the breath she didn’t realise she was holding. Emma chuckles when Kara returns the paddle board they borrowed to get to her.

Shaking her head Emma starts slowly paddling into the swell and waits, her board moving with the ocean. Suddenly she feels a shift. Emma lies on her stomach and starts paddling hard. She smiles as her board gets picked up by the huge wave. Whooping as her board flies through the tube, she reaches out and skims her hand along the break. She comes out the other end and using the momentum turns her board, shooting her closer to the beach. Until finally her board slows down and she jumps off, wading the short distance to the shore.

“Hey!” A surfer approaches her, smiling flirtatiously. His brunette hair slicked back from the sea.

“Hi.” Emma responds while picking up her board.

“That was a sweet wave you just did!” His enthusiasm makes Emma smile.

“Thanks, kind of wish it went on forever.” She admits, cause really there was nothing like going through the tube of a wave. The colours and sounds were breathtaking.

“Ah man I know right?!” He laughs. “So, I was wondering if I could have your number?”

“EMMA!” She turns to look at Kara who is waving her arms about wildly. Most likely due to Alex saying she can’t eat until Emma joins them.

“Thank you but I’m kind of not available. Sorry.”

“No worries at all.” He looks slightly disappointed but still smiles.

“EMMAAAAAA!!!”

Emma laughs at how Kara’s yells got even louder. “Well I better go, don’t want my sister getting any more hangry.” Emma starts to walk back to the group.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Emma.” He calls after her.

Emma swings round but continues walking backwards. “You too.” She turns back around, smiling and shaking her head.

As soon as Emma gets near, Kara is loading her plate up at top, human, speed. Emma chuckles at the sight and digs the end of her board into the sand before taking the leash off and flopping onto the picnic blanket.

“Who was that?” Kelly asked across from her. Lena pretends she isn’t listening in as she gets some food.

“Oh just some guy congratulating me on my sweet wave.” Emma imitates the guy's accent which makes them laugh.

“And he wanted her number!” Kara teases while she sits next to Emma.

Whistles and ooo’s sound around the group. Alex watches bemused as Lena purses her lips before going back to a neutral expression.

“So where’s the number?” Sam asks excitedly, not missing Lena’s rigid posture.

“Meh, not my type.” Emma tries to play it off cooly while she grabs her top and shorts to change into again. Not minding that they will get a bit damp as the sun is out in full blaze. She also applies her suncream handing it around and reminding everyone to keep it topped up.

“Since when has hunky surfer boy not been your type?” Kara asks confused as she focuses on the surfer. “Honestly I could grate cheese on his abs!”

“Kara!” Emma laughs loudly while she dishes up a plate of food.

“You also said you weren’t available,” Kara presses on, missing the looks Alex was giving her. “Who's the lucky guy or gal?” Emma had come out as bisexual when she was a young teenager. Her Mom and sister’s supported her and Emma was glad she could do the same for Alex when she came out to her. Alex had even flown out specially to where Emma was gigging to tell her. At first Emma was really worried when Alex avoided eye contact and was nervously fidgeting in her seat. When Alex finally blurted it out Emma held her sister close. Saying how proud she was of her and her love for her sister hadn’t changed.

“No one, I just wanted to get him off my back.” Emma says nonchalantly but inside she was freaking out. She’d said it because yes she wasn’t available because her heart belonged to Lena.

Kelly gives Alex a look and watches as Emma settles in-between Lena and Kara under the umbrella they were sitting under. Alex doesn’t miss how much closer Emma sits to Lena than her sister.

The Superfriends continue talking and when everyone has finished eating they split off to do their own thing. Alex and Kelly go for a walk, mainly to come up with a plan to get Emma and Lena together. While Kara, J'onn, Sam, Nia, Brainy and James play volleyball. Girls and against boys. “Original.” Emma mutters causing Lena to snort.

Lena and Emma opt to stay with everyones stuff. Lena is happy to sit back against the pile and read a book she’s been wanting to read for months but never had the chance.

Emma sighs as she looks at her guitar case. Twiddling her thumbs for a moment she draws her knees to her chest and watches the waves. But not feeling quite ready to get back in.

After half an hour Lena puts her book down and focuses on Emma. “Something on your mind?” Lena asks, nudging her shoulder into Emma, causing the blonde to sway.

“Guessing Kara told you?” Emma keeps her eyes fixed in front of her.

“Yes, she was relaying what was being said.” Lena says apologetically.

“It’s okay. Makes it easier in a way.” Sighing heavily Emma turns to look at Lena. Who is watching her with concern. “I just don’t know what to do. I need to look for new bandmates, but that just seems so daunting. Can I really go through that all again?” Emma runs her hands through her hair. Huffing she looks back into emerald eyes. “Okay if we don’t talk about it? Just enjoy what we have right now?”

“And what do we have?”

“Great company, good food and a wonderful view.” Emma motions to the beach around them.

“Yea, I can do that.” Lena keeps her eyes on Emma.

“Go back to your book Lee. I’ll be fine.” Emma tries to smile reassuringly.

Lena doesn’t buy it but starts reading again. She watches Emma from the corner of her eye as she shuffles over to her guitar case, opening it and pulling the guitar out, making sure it is in tune.

Emma gets her songbook out of her case, opening the page to a song she had started writing. Making sure she doesn’t hit Lena with her guitar Emma settles back down. Grabbing her phone she hits record and starts plucking. Softly singing to herself.

Tell me somethin', girl Are you happy in this modern world? Or do you need more? Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?

Emma pauses as she remembers a chorus of a song she’s been working on. She quickly flips to that page and moves her fingers to find the chords. She continues to play. Not realising her soft singing has steadily got louder.

I'm falling

Emma sees Lena in her mind as she sings. Her pain at falling for her friend and not having the courage to take it deeper.

In all the good times I find myself Longin' for change And in the bad times I fear myself

Sighing Emma looks at the sea before turning her head slightly to look at the raven haired beauty. Whose focus is on the book in front of her. Returning her attention to her notebook Emma keeps playing and singing.

I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in I'll never meet the ground Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us We're far from the shallow now

Lifting her head she focuses on the sea again.

In the shallow, shallow

In the shallow, shallow In the shallow, shallow We're far from the shallow now.

Emma pauses and stops the recording. Running a hand through her hair which starts getting more wavy from getting wet.

“Wow Em.” Lena breathes out.

Emma turns to Lena who put the book next to her. “You like that?”

“Yes, seriously… I don’t have the words.”

“Thanks, it’s not really finished. It needs another verse…” Emma goes through her notebook but comes up empty. Replaying the first verse Emma closes her eyes to figure out the words for the second verse.

Tell me something, boy

“What rhymes with boy?” Emma mutters to herself. “Toy? No… Void?”

Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?

Emma sighs as she remembers friends she has lost due to depression and addiction. Knowing how hard it is to feel whole and get out of the pit.

Or do you need more? Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?

She sings through the bridge and the chorus again, making sure it all fits. But to her horror she realises she stopped the recording.

“Crap!” Looking down her phone wasn’t where she left it. Instead it's in Lena’s hand.

“I could see you didn’t press record so I did it for you.” Lena answers Emma’s questioning gaze as she presses the button to stop the recording.

“Thanks Lee.” Emma takes her phone and grabs her pen, listening to the recording and writing the song out in full with the chords.

Lena watches Emma. “Do you usually write songs that quickly?” Lena asks, fascinated.

Emma laughs in response. “No, not usually. I guess I was more inspired.” She shrugs, placing her guitar back in the case with her notebook. She shuffles back over to Lena. “Can I?”

Lena looks up and nods, letting Emma lean down, resting her head in Lena’s lap. They do this quite often and it always makes Lena’s heart skip a beat. Slowly she puts her book down beside her and runs a hand through Emma’s hair. Looking at the view and doing what Emma said, enjoying the moment.

Time passes on and Emma watches the group playing volleyball. Kelly and Alex have joined them, Kelly staying with the girls while Alex went over to the boys side. Emma smirks when Kara would not so sneakily use her powers to gain an advantage.

But Emma’s attention diverted back to the sea, the tide was coming in and the swell had gotten bigger. Turning her head to look up at Lena Emma pauses. Her eyes linger on Lena’s chest before taking in her profile. ‘Rao she’s so beautiful.’

“Okay if I catch a few more waves?” Emma asks, finding her voice.

Looking down Lena smiles. “Sure.”

“Thanks Lee.” Emma sits up and presses a kiss to Lena’s cheek. As Emma takes her clothes off she grabs her board and runs to the surf. Lena touches her flushed cheek and smiles softly.

Soon the volleyball group end their game, the boys team winning by a few points. They head back to their set up, laughing at how both J'onn and Kara leapt for the ball, only to miss it completely.

“Hi Lena!” Kara says while sitting next to her best friend. “How's the book?”

“It’s…” Lena looks down at the book and realises she’s only got through part of the first chapter. Her attention had mainly been watching Emma surf. “Slow.”

“Ah I hate it when that happens!” Kara hands Lena a drink while they sit and watch Emma. Who had just gone through another tube, much to the excitement of the surfers watching in the shallows. “I don’t know how she makes it look so easy!”

“It’s one of her many talents.” Lena agrees, though there is always a feeling of anxiety whenever anyone she cares for is in any body of water.

“Totally.” Kara says before sighing sadly.

“Kara?” Lena asks concerned for the Super.

“I just… She’s worked so hard. I know she will come back from this, but when Alex and I got to her she… She just looked so broken.” Kara sighs again. Worry filling her eyes as she watches her sister.

“She didn’t want to talk about it. But said how daunting it is to find new bandmates. Which I can understand.” Lena knows how hard it is to make friends in general.

“Yea it’s not the easiest of processes. She needs to click with them, for them to become in sync with each other and then get on with them. How they managed to drive around in that tour bus all over America and later the world is beyond me!” Kara says with wide eyes, she had joined Emma for a few gigs and thankfully the venues weren’t too far from each other. But Kara found the journey long and boring.

“Kara, anything slower then you flying is beyond you!” Lena's teasing causes Kara to laugh loudly.

“True!”

They continue watching Emma who attempts a few aerial tricks. The spray of the sea flying high above her. “She wrote a really beautiful song just now.”

“Really?” Kara perks up and Lena nods. “Think she’ll play it for us?”

“Maybe.” Lena hopes Emma does. She really wants to hear it again.

While Emma still surfs the Superfriends play UNO. Laughing at how competitive Alex is getting and only getting calmed down when Kelly gives her a gentle kiss. 

As the sun starts to slowly descend Emma finally gets out of the sea. Waving goodbye to a group of surfers she had been talking to.

She notices a fire has been built in the centre of the Superfriends circle and a few of them are roasting marshmallows.

Emma’s body is completely shattered but she smiles at the feeling. Making a note to come back here as much as she can. Even if the weather isn’t perfect like today.

The Superfriends greet her while she grabs her stuff to change. Alex stands and uses one of the blankets to block anyone’s view of Emma. Kara joins in and goes to the other side. Emma scoffs knowing full well she can change without showing anything and there has been no paparazzi bothering her.

Finally dry and feeling much warmer Emma sits next to Lena and places her head on her shoulder. She can’t help but yawn and let her eyes drift.

“Tired Em?” Alex teases from across the circle and smiles at Lena whose cheeks are tinged with red.

“Uhmm.” Emma confirms. “Do we have any more food?” She asks, keeping her eyes closed. “Or has Kara eaten it all?”

“Hey!” Kara swats Emma playfully but causes Emma to jump and glare at her. “Sorry! Did I hurt you?” Kara asks, panicked.

“No, I was just surprised.” Emma sighs before resting her head back on Lena’s shoulder.

“Well I did see a pizza place as we drove in. Maybe we can order?” Nia asks.

“Sounds like a good plan to me!” Emma gives a thumbs up. Pizza is one of her favourite foods.

With the joys of technology the friends order and half an hour later a pizza boy with a mountainful of pizza boxes comes towards them. They thank him and dig in. Emma grabs Lena and her pizza, two cans of soda and some salad left over from lunch.

“M’lady.” Emma holds out the cans which Lena takes. “I got some salad too.” Emma places the container in front of Lena.

“Thank you Em.” Lena says touched that Emma thought about her. She opens the lid and wonders how she can eat it. Looking up she sees Emma holding out a knife and fork for her and she smiles.

“You may need this.”

Lena grins back thanking her and takes the cutlery from the blonde.

Emma happily munches away at the pizza, rolling her eyes when the debate about Hawaiian pizza is brought up.

“Personally I don’t see anything wrong with it.” Sam defends laughing at Brainy’s stunned face.

“But to have a fruit on a savoury dish… it just does not compute.”

“Brainy.” Emma gets the alien’s attention. “Have you actually tried it?”

“No I have not.” He looks appalled that Emma would ask that.

“Then how’d you know if it doesn’t work?” Emma tilts her head.

After a moment of thinking Brainy nods. “Fair point.”

“Next game night I will order one and you can try it!” Sam says happily while winking at Emma, who smiles back.

“Just keep it away from me.” Alex says, shivering at the thought.

“Sorry to change the subject, buuutttt, Emma.” Kara says making Emma freeze while her last pizza slice was near her lips. She lowers it slightly while looking at her sister, who is beaming from ear to ear.

“Yea?”

“I saw you working on a song, wanna share it?”

All the Superfriends turn to look at Emma expectantly. Always appreciative of hearing anything Emma is working on. Taking a deep breath she lowers the slice back to the box and wipes her hands on a napkin.

“Peanut, you don’t have too.” Alex says glaring at Kara. Emma would do anything to make her sisters happy, Alex knew this. So did Kara. And yes, they would both exploit it sometimes.

“No, it’s okay. Would be great to get everyone's opinion.” Emma grabs her guitar and notebook. Reminding herself of the chords. “So… This… Well…” Sighing heavily, Emma closes her eyes to control her nerves. “I kind of imagine this as a duet, but with, well, the band breaking up. I may have to rethink it a bit.” Emma focuses on the fire in front of her, feeling too embarrassed to look at anyone.

She starts playing the chords and sings. Allowing the music to wash over and for her voice to carry with the wind. Emma adds the new verse but as she nears the end she feels her emotions take over, her frustration at her situation and the need to release it. She improvises. Closing her eyes and allowing herself to go with it.

Whoa-oh-ah-oh-ahh

Emma belts out, slamming her fingers into the guitar strings as she increases in passion and volume.

I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in I'll never meet the ground Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us We're far from the shallow now

A smile graces Emma’s face as she lifts her head.

In the shallow, shallow In the shallow, shallow

Emma softens her voice, allowing the natural end of the song to take place.

In the shallow, shallow We're far from the shallow now.

Emma allows the last chord to hold longer than necessary. She keeps her eyes closed and waits.

A huge roar around her causes her to jump and open her eyes. A crowd has gathered round the group and are applauding her. The Superfriends all clap wildly too, Alex wipes tears from her face and Kara beams as brightly as the sun. Emma turns to look at Lena and her smile is as bright, if not brighter then Kara’s. Her green eyes simmering with tears. Emma watches as one falls and she gently reaches out and wipes it away with her thumb.

She then acknowledges the crowd with a small wave and thanks them with a bow of her head. They soon disperse, returning to their own groups and Emma sighs in relief.

“So, was the song okay?” Emma asks while picking at a chipped bit of wood on the base of her guitar.

“Okay?” Alex's voice booms causing Emma to quickly look at her sister. Alex’s eyes are wide. “Okay? Em that song… Wow I don’t have the words!”

“That’s what Lena said.” Emma smiles at the two women.

“Well it’s true.” Lena grins back, nudging her shoulder into the blonde’s.

The other Superfriends nod and agree.

“It really moved me.” Sam says smiling at Emma who blushes in response.

“Yes.” Brainy adds. “Very- touching.” Nia smiles at him. Emma grins too, happy Brainy was able to express himself.

Emma plays a few more well known songs and the Superfriends join in. But as the sun dips slowly into the horizon Emma stops and hands the guitar to James who continues playing. Not as well as Emma but enough.

Emma heads back towards the surf, wading in up to below her knees. Taking deep breaths she watches the colours change, memorising the rich reds, oranges and yellows. Lena comes and stands next to her. They watch in comfortable silence and Lena links her fingers with Emma’s. They smile softly to each other before watching the sun dip under the horizon.

(Part Two)

[popquizhot-shot]

You’re not him-Chapter 3

Walking into the library, you see Loki sit down with a bundle of files, going through one of them before exclaiming sarcastically,

"Oh my goodness! Don't tell me the variant ambushed another team of minutemen, wow! HUH and stole their reset charges as well!"

Giggling you walk over to him and stand opposite him. Looking up, he sees you and smiles.

"Hi" you say.

"Hello."

" So, I never took you for the reading type, whatcha reading?" you say, knowing full well how much he loved to read.

" Well, I love reading, but these are files about the variant, Mobius asked me to read them." he explains.

" Oh, well I have to read them too! Do you mind if join you?" you say, a tinge of hope in your voice.

" Oh sure, of course." he replies.

Getting up, he then pulls the chair out so you can sit in it.

" And he's a gentleman too!" you tease, making him blush lightly and chuckle.

Looking down to the table, the first document you see has, in big bright red lettering,

'Destruction of Asgard'

Ragnarok-Class 7 apocalypse.

Shit.

Loki sits down and spots the paper too, picking it up and going through it, you can see how he's trying to hide his emotions, but you can see his eyes tearing up, and his breath hitching.

"I'm sorry." you say quietly.

" It-It's fine, it happens." he says putting it off and handing it over to you.

Going through it, you see just how bad the damage was, and then something caught your eye.

'Zero Variance Energy detected'

"Loki, Loki look," you get his attention.

"What, what did you find?" he asks eager to get away from the topic of his home getting blown up.

"Look, it says there's no variant energy, what if the variant's hiding in apocalypses?" you ask.

" That, that's an amazing idea. Because he can do whatever he wants, and it won't make a difference-"

" -because the place is getting blown to bits and everyone dies." you finish excitedly.

" We-we have to tell Mobius this, oh darling you're a genius!" he says before gathering the files and walking towards the cafeteria, "Come on!" he calls you.

Darling.

He called you darling.

Just great.

~~

" Mobius! We found something!" Loki says and pulls you over and sits you down, before getting another chair for himself.

" What? What did you find?" he asks.

"The variant's hiding in apocalypses." you said.

"What? what do you mean?"

"Are you familiar with Ragnarok?" Loki asks Mobius.

"Yes, the destruction of Asgard and most of it's people I'm sorry about that."

" Yes, very sad, now-" Loki begins, taking Mobius's salad.

"What are you doing?" Mobius asks Loki.

" Let's just say, your salad is Asgard-"

"That's not Asgard, that's my lunch, I want that salad." Mobius whines.

" I could do anything here, I could-" Loki continues, picking up a salt shaker, " push Hulk of the rainbow bridge!" he shakes the salt shaker, adding salt and ruining the salad.

" So the salt's hulk?" you ask.

Ignoring you, he continues," Or, I could set fire to the palace." now he shakes in some pepper.

"No, don't set fire to the palace-" Mobius interrupted.

"-and it would never matter, because-" he pauses, reaching for the can of soda, only to find it empty.

You get up and go over to Casey and ask him if you can take his juice, he agrees. Walking back you hand the juice to Loki, who smiles in thanks.

" Thank you, now, because the apocalypse is coming, Surtur will destroy Asgard, no matter what." He continues, now pouring the juice into the salad.

" No, don't do that!" you and Mobius say together.

"That's the apocalypse, clumsy metaphor but you see what I mean. If everything, and everyone around you for imminent destruction, " he says picking up the shakers again. " nothing I say or do will matter, cause the timelines not gonna branch, cuz it get's destroyed. The variant could be hiding in the apocalypse and do whatever he wants, and we wouldn't know!" he finishes.

"Not bad, good job guys." Mobius says.

"Come on. I'll show you, take me to Ragnarok!"

"I'm not going to take you for a stroll across the promenade much less take you back to your home, I know what you're trying to do, lure me out into the field and then you stab me in the back!" Mobius argues.

Loki spreads his arms out, mouth open, a very offended expression on his face.

"I'd never stab anyone in the back! That's such a boring form of betrayal!"

"Loki, I've studied almost every moment of your entire life, you've literally stabbed people in the back like fifty times!" Mobius says.

"You did try to stab me once." you say smirking.

" I-I what?!" he stares at you

"That's a story for another time, Lokes."

"Well, I'd never do it again!" he says, making you and Mobius laugh in amusement.

~~

"Loki! Get over here!" Mobius calls as you watch, laughing hysterically

Oh, were were you?

Pompeii, seconds before Mt.Vesuvius erupts and you were witnessing a God-child, rambling in Latin about how everyone was going to die and positively horrifying everyone present there.

Suddenly you were all interrupted by a blast from the volcano, Vesuvius was erupting.

" Woohoo! Here we go! Nothing matters! Nothing has any consequence!" he shouts, throwing handfuls of vegetables in the air.

Annoyed, Mobius checks the Tempad, before doing a double take and grinning.

"So how'd we do?" you ask eagerly.

" Zero variant energy, No branching in the timeline, this worked!" Mobius said.

Smiling widely, you shouted, " Hey Loki! It worked! We did it!"

Loki turns around and smiles, out of breath.

" If it were me, this is where I would hide."

~~

You were sipping your lemon iced tea in peace, listening to the men in front of you bicker like toddlers.

"So you're saying, Three Magic Lizards created the Tva and everyone in it?" Loki asked Mobius

" Yes."

"See, every time I start to admire you're intelligence, you say something like that!" Loki argues

"Ok, well who created you Loki?" Mobius asks

" A frost giant of Jotunheim." Loki said, making you almost choke on your drink.

" and who raised you?"

"Odin of Asgard."

"Asgard, Mystical realm, Frost giants- listen to yourself!"

"It's not the same! It's completely different!" he rambles

"A-actually it's exactly the same because if you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kind of ridiculous. Existence is chaos! Nothing makes any sense so we try to make some sense of it, and I'm just lucky that the chaos I emerged into gave me this."

" Ok, what about Y/n?"

" I'm actually a special case, Ravonna allowed me to join the TVA, as long as I bide by the rules, and not be an idiot and possibly blow up the timeline. But the TVA is my life, and it's real, because I believe it's real." you explain.

"Fair enough , you believe it's real, so everything is written, the past, the present and the future"

You soon stop paying attention, and thought about the first time you and Loki said ' I love you'

You both were baking a cake to pass the time and somehow in the process, Loki found himself covered in frosting.

"I'll get you back for that darling!" he said grinning, before hugging you tightly, covering you in frosting too.

Laughing hysterically, you both started flinging frosting at each other.

Holding you close, you felt his breath fan your cheeks, as you lost yourselves in each other's eyes.

"I love you Loki." you blurted out, making him smile.

" Oh my darling, I love you too, so much." he replied before kissing you softly and passionately.

"Y/n! Focus! Come on! I found a lead! Follow me!"  Mobius said, calling you over.

"What were you thinking of?" Loki asked.

"Just thinking about a moment in my life, one I really treasure." you say smiling softly.

"Today Love birds!" Mobius called again.

"We're coming! Jerk." you say, while blushing,

You and Loki follow Mobius, before stopping at him looking at a packet of 'Kablooie" gum.

"This, I thought about  this."

[fic-ify]

Pocket Beel! (part 1 of 2)

This was supposed to be done a week ago. It was also only supposed to be a drabble. One week and 6k words later it is exactly neither of those things. I am so sorry. I was going to look back and edit through it but I got tired of looking at it so here we are. Please forgive. I’ll post the second half later today!

Thank you to @thatfanfictionchick for encouraging me to write this and @boxbusiness ‘s amazing Pocket Beel art for inspiring it. (if you haven’t seen it yall should) I hope I did your talent justice.

Warnings: None, it’s very fluffy. Slight language? Maybe?

Summary: My OC Max has a slight misshap and missfire with a project from her Spell’s class that causes our poor glutton some misfortune. Cute chaos ensues.

"Max! Are you ready to go?" Her eyes raised to meet friendly purple and she couldn't help but grin in greeting. Beel made his way through the doorway into the mostly empty classroom towards her. "Are you still working? Class has been over for nearly twenty minutes." As he said this she heard the telltale gurgle of his stomach just as he put his hand over it. He must have eaten his afterschool snacks already.

"Sorry Beel, I'm almost done. The professor said I could stay late to get some extra practice in." She had been struggling a bit with the latest spell they were practicing in class and having the quiet space alone had helped greatly. Not that she didn't think Satan wouldn't help her back at the House, but she knew peaceful study sessions were few and far between. Something the teacher had seemed to understand when she'd asked to stay behind in the classroom.

"Did you still want to join me at the gym tonight?" Beel stood in front of her table now, she could feel his eyes on her curiously as she turned to dig into her bookbag. "You don't have to if you're busy. This looks important."

"You're such a sweetheart, no I still want to join you. I just want to give this one more try then we can head out." She popped her head back up, smiling as she held her hand out to him with something in it. "Here, while you wait!" She watched an excited smile spread on his face when he saw the bag of fried lava python bites and a chocolate bar she'd pulled from her bag. "I had a feeling you'd go through yours so I bought extra."

"Thank you, Max." He took them from her hold, leaning down to give her a quick peck on the cheek in return before he stepped away to sit in an unoccupied seat at the desk in front of her. After a short burst of the crackling of Beel opening the snack bag, the only sounds to fill the empty Spells classroom were his chewing and her infrequent muttering as she looked closer at her spell.

"Chameleon tails…tundra spiders…I think this is everything." She concluded to herself, double-checking the incantation she would have to speak aloud as well as the scribbles she hoped passed for rune work. Oh how she wished for the clean penmanship Solomon had attained over years of practice; though thinking of her normal handwriting, she wondered if she was just the problem in this case.

At least I can bake. Suck-it Wizard mans. Her silent triumph lasted for all of a moment before she took a half step back from the desk and focused on the empty glass jar on the desk beside Beel. She had brought it as practice and target for the spell, figuring not much could go wrong with a Mason Jar. Max took a deep breath, steadying her voice to repeat the spell aloud, the Latin sounding syllables coming out uncomfortably if not a bit stammered.

A bright flash enveloped the desk Beel sat at, the surrounding area included, drawing a surprised yelp from her. She threw her hands over her eyes protectively, only peeking open again when she was positive nothing else was happening. Please have worked…Please don't be alive…

"Oh boy…Beel?" Max called to the empty chair the glutton had previously occupied. The Mason jar sat untouched on the desk, a slight disappointment that was immediately pushed aside by her concern for her demon. "Beelzebub? You there?" A cautious note filled her tone while her gaze lifted and scanned the classroom.

"Max!" What sounded like an impossibly soft voice called her name, sounding for all intents and purposes like it was very far away. When she looked out the window across from her and saw no one, she heard it again. "Down here!" Though now she felt something tapping against her ankle. A quiet sense of foreboding filled her before she let herself look down, eyes widening when she took him in.

Wide-eyed and confused, Beel stood at her shoe, no taller than the clothing item itself. He looked unharmed, as unharmed as a gigantic demon turned the size of a mouse can look, if not a little flustered. Max let out a squeak of alarm and dropped down to kneel beside him on the floor, bending over to take a closer look at her demon. She reached out a shaky hand to him, palm up and let him crawl onto it before lifting him closer to her face.

"Beel?" She whispered, swallowing hard when he nodded in confirmation. "Oh, Babs I am so sorry!" She didn't know if she should cry or call for help but she could feel her skin heating with an embarrassed flush. "What-what should I…Should I call Lucifer?" She really did not want to do that, she could only imagine trying to explain the situation through her shame. However, she knew he would take it and handle it better than any of his brothers. Tiny Beel opened his mouth, looking like he was going to agree to the idea when the sound of the classroom door opening cut him off.

"Max, have you seen Beel? He said he was gonna get you and meet…me…" Belphie rounded the desk to where she knelt, fading off as he took in the two of them. Purple eyes widened in shock at the picture before him, looking from his minimized twin to the human, and back. An awkward, heavy silence filled the room for all of ten seconds before Belphie's laughter burst out of him, loud and full, almost knocking him flat on his ass.

"Belphegor! Don't laugh!" Max whined, covering her face with the hand not currently occupied by Beel. The sloth demon could not be dissuaded from his humor however and continued to laugh at her blunder. The human sighed and looked apologetically at Beel again, who simply smiled and shrugged, an action that at his current size, caused her heart to swell. As she looked at him more and took in the tiny size of him, she had to actively fight off squealing at how adorable he was.

"Here, hold on." She lifted him to her right shoulder, letting him clamber on and hold onto the collar of her jacket while she rose to her feet. Belphie was starting to settle, finally, and wiped a few stray tears from his eyes. "Are you quite finished, I don't know how to fix this." Her glare translated to the rest of her posture with her crossed arms, even if the furrowed brows and hard line of her mouth hadn't.

"Never a dull moment with you hm?" Belphie chuckled, stepping closer and leaning in to get a better look at his normally larger twin. "Looks like you're not the shortest in the house anymore Max." He commented, reaching a hand forward and scratching the top of Beel's head to ruffle his hair. "You good Beel?" At that, the tiny glutton gave whatever attempt at a growl he could muster and snapped his teeth at his twin. Both Belphie and Max turned to face away, the human coughing and clearing her throat in an attempt to muffle her laugh and Belphie covering his own with his hand though not suppressing the mirth in his eyes at all.

"Max…" Beel's tiny whine accompanied by a gentle tug at her earlobe made her turn to glance at him again, seeing his pleading purple gaze that hadn't lost any strength even with his size. "'M 'ungry." Her heart broke at the cuteness, leading her to step to the desk he had been sitting at, leaning down carefully to pick up what was left of the snacks she had given him. The fried treats were gone, so she settled for unwrapping the chocolate bar and breaking off a square to give to him. In thanks, instead of mumbling around the dessert the size of his face, he bumped his head against her cheek before settling again to sit on her shoulder.

"At least we know we'll not run out of food tonight." The demon behind her commented while she packed up her things quickly into her bag. "Lucifer is in a meeting with Diavolo so I don't recommend going to him for this right now." She turned to face him as he was shrugging. "Or do, could be an entertaining turn out."

"Thanks for the support friend. You're so helpful." She deadpanned, hefting the bag onto her unoccupied shoulder. She made her way towards the front of the classroom, listening for a moment to make sure Belphie was following before leaving the room completely. The sound of Beel's content murmurings as he ate made her smile and part of her was so very tempted to hope the change was permanent.

"Beel, are you going to be okay on my shoulder? Do you wanna ride on my head?" She offered, a little worried about knocking him off. Even if he managed to get chocolate in her hair, it was less of a problem to wash it than it would be to worry about him falling. Belphie came up to walk at her right as she waited for an answer from the tiny demon.

A shift on her shoulder made her look over as a soft buzzing filled her ear. The human came to a stop, blinking in surprise as Beel, in tiny demon form, flew in front of her face and grinned brightly. He buzzed around in a circle a few times, gleefully swarming around her head before coming in front of his brother. Beel stuck his tongue out and earned himself a gust of air blown at him, courtesy of Belphie. So cute. She thought, unable to fight back a grin before he opted to land on top of her head, disturbing her hair just barely by little twitches of his wings.

"You don't get to hog Pocket Beel all afternoon," Belphie warned when she lifted another square of chocolate to his brother. A warning she easily ignored with the happy hums she got in return.

"She who possesses the chocolate gets the baby." She said in a happy cheeky tone before picking up her stride back to the House of Lamentations with him. Her embarrassment and concern had died down some since the initial reaction, at least enough that she didn't dread returning home.

Whatever awaited them at the house might not be all bad.

 -

She was wrong. So very wrong.

She really shouldn't have been surprised.

Max, Belphie, and Beel had made it into the foyer without incident, that much had been a blessing. She could hear the sound of bickering from the common room, causing her to silently decide to avoid the area. Beel had been satisfied, for now, by the chocolate so she didn't quite intend to go to the kitchen straight away. If anything she wanted to find Satan as soon as possible, to see if he knew how to reverse her blunder.

"Belphie! Darling Max!" A flowery voice called to them before she could hunt down the fourth born, drawing her attention to the stairs. Asmo stepped off the last few steps in his casual clothes, practically bouncing up to her in his eagerness. "I was wondering where you were darling. Care to indulge in a luxurious bath with the most gorgeous demon in the realm?" She yelped slightly when he threw his arms around her, and practically his entire body weight in the process.

"I-I would love to Asmo but…uh I have something I need to talk to Satan about first." She prayed to whatever being cared to listen that Beel was hiding enough in her hair for Asmo not to notice him. Belphie had decided to be no help at all and stood by the stairs, looking at her as if she was both the most amusing joke and bothersome inconvenience. She shot him a glare, only to be winked at but otherwise ignored.

"What could you possibly need that is more important than time with me sweetie~" Asmo almost whined, hanging on her even heavier now.

"Leggo Asmo!" A tiny voice squawked, making the fifth eldest freeze and Max close her eyes tightly. The clingy demon loosened his hold enough to lift and look at where Beel was sat on the crown of her head, arms crossed indignantly.

"Is that…" She nodded in response to his question, opting to stay otherwise silent. This might have been a mistake when a high pitched squealing was drawn from the lust demon. "Ooo he's so cute!" Asmo did a little wiggle not unlike a kid when they got a toy they wanted. She leaned away when he reached for the tiny demon and shot him a distrusting scowl. "Oh c'mon Max, lemme hold him. He's so cute like a little doll!"

"Asmo back off." She warned, looking again to the twin that refused to step in, lest he expend any energy at all ever. She opened her mouth to ward off Asmodeus again when she was stopped by a sharp yelp and the demon himself jumping back a few feet.

"Beel! I can't believe you bit me!" Asmo was gripping his finger, a dramatic look of betrayal crossing his beautiful features.

"You deserve it," Belphie commented around a yawn.

"Oi! What's all the racket?" Mammon's sharp voice joined in. She turned to see both him and Levi walking out of the common room, understanding now the source of the bickering she had heard. "What's that on ya head human?"

"OMG Beel?!" Before she could stop Levi he had already taken a picture of his tiny younger brother and was frantically typing something on his D.D.D. She would have to persuade him to take down the post later after all this was dealt with.

"H-Hey you shouldn't be ridin' Max around like that! Even if you're so tiny." Mammon was grumbling, moving to either get a closer look at Beel or grab him from atop her head. Whatever his intent she had no plan on finding out as she backed away, making to flee up the stairs. "Why ya so small anyway?"

"Max misfired a form altering spell." Belphie supplied.

He's just really going to be the least helpful in this situation huh? She wanted to smack him upside the head and planned on doing so the minute she was close enough. A soft buzzing once again gained her attention, making her look up to see Beel once again in his demon form and flying above Mammon's head out of his grasp. No one felt it necessary to remind the second born of his own flying abilities as he struggled to catch the tiny redhead.

"Beel I'll grab you a bowl of poisonous chili berries if you meet me at Satan's room." She bargained, grinning up at him when his little purple eyes widened at her excitedly. He shot up the hallway towards the blonde's room, effectively escaping Mammon and the rest of his brothers in the foyer. Slowly they all dispersed, not without making a small fuss each. Levi went back to the common room, muttering something about seeing if Beel would pose with any of his Ruri-chan figures. Asmo refused to leave her side until she 'kissed his finger better' and then proceeded to be chased off by Mammon when he flirted for more. Belphie was the only one to trudge upstairs without complaint, presumably to take his afternoon nap before dinner.

Max was able to grab the berries from the fridge, careful to pour them from the bag into the bowl without letting any of them touch her skin. She could still remember the color her fingers had turned last time she accidentally grabbed a bunch and how long it had taken to regain feeling in them again. Once she stood outside Satan's door, her polite knock was returned by a call to enter.

"Well, this is certainly a first." The blonde greeted when she made her way over. He was sitting in one of his chairs and Beel was sitting on a stack of books that, by all logic of physics, should not have been standing.

"Something out of a Lewis Carol book if you ask me." She agreed. With a little coaxing, she was able to get Beel to sit at a cleared-off section of the desk with the bowl of berries. Juice on ancient, possibly cursed, tomes was not a crime she wanted to be added to her list of misdemeanors of the day.

Beel ate away at the berries happily as the human and Satan discussed the spell she had been attempting to cast. Apparently, due to the ingredients and her unpracticed focus in casting, the spell was prone to seeking out living targets over inanimate objects. "You're probably lucky Beel was there. It might have cast on you, then we'd really be in trouble." Satan pointed out, eyeing his little brother with eyes that spoke volumes about his amusement and curiosity.

"Can you undo it?"

"Probably, but with your limited magic and the basic nature of the spell, it's more likely to wear off in a few hours. A few days at most. It would take longer and more trouble trying to undo it at this point."

Max felt her shoulder sag in defeat and acceptance, wondering if Lucifer would punish her for this. Even if it was an honest accident, she had effectively rendered one of the Devildom's strongest demons, one of her protectors, powerless for a short but unknown amount of time.

"Is okay Max!" Beel chirped, flying up to her face after wiping the berry juice off his own. He placed a soft kiss on the tip of her nose, it felt softer than a kitten lick, and grinned happily. "All the food is big now! I'm not mad!" She felt herself smile warmly despite her self imposed misery and leaned forward to carefully kiss the top of his head.

"Okay Beel. Just promise me you'll stay with either me or Belphie until you're back to normal?" She didn't think his brothers would do anything untoward, but there was always a risk. With an expression that looked overly serious due to his size, he nodded and flew off to explore the room a little before they left. "Thank you, Satan. At least it isn't permanent."

"You're very welcome Max. If anything else changes about him let me know." She recognized the dismissal but wasn't terribly bothered by it. She wanted to change out of her uniform and into more comfortable clothes, also to plan what she was going to do with her tiny demon. So she took the bowl previously occupied by berries and departed.

"Max." Chills ran her spine the minute she stepped out of Satan's room and came face to face with Lucifer. Or, more accurately, face to chest. She looked up at him, his crimson eyes looking somewhere between tired disappointment and begrudging acceptance. "What's this I hear about a spell on Beelzebub?"

"Well, you see. I…uh…" Her mind scrambled for an answer even as her words started unbidden from her mouth. Both saving and damning her further, Beel swooped down from the doorway and hovered in front of his eldest brother. "It'll wear off?" She offered sheepishly, smiling at him and hoping it didn't come out as much of a grimace as it felt.

Lucifer eyed Beel skeptically, his singular raised brow being the only expressive thing on his face. A heavy sigh escaped him before he turned to look at the  human once more.

"I hope for your sake it does. He's your responsibility until he turns back." As if he wasn't a millennia-old demon who could probably take care of himself even at his size. "Though I suppose I won't be so worried about his midnight snacking tonight." Max felt herself relax again at that, knowing that the eldest must not be too mad if he could at least make a joke.

She made her way to her room quickly, letting herself and Beel in before locking the door behind her. She hoped she had at least enough time to change and take a moment to rest before she was bombarded by any of the other brothers. Beel landed somewhere on her bed, or at least she guessed he had by the soft rustling of her sheets. Pulling out some leggings and a baggy sweatshirt, she quickly changed in her bathroom before making her way over to him.

“How you doin’ Babs?” She asked her tiny demon, sitting on the bed beside where he’d nestled happily on her pillow.

“I’m okay!” Max smiled and couldn’t help but reach out and scratch under his chin like he was a kitten. She giggled when something similar to a pleased purr erupted from him in return. 

“Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?” He shook his head but pat the pillow under him, in a clear gesture for her to join him. “You wanna nap? Taking a page out of Belphie’s book eh?” She teased but laid down without much protest. She wasn’t surprised he was tired, flying around at his size, even a short length, probably took a lot out of him. And she never argued against a nap after classes. 

She settled on her side, watching Beel take off his uniform jacket now that he was out of his demon form as well as his tie. He laid on his side facing her and smiled at her with that familiar warm adoration.

“We’ll probably have to figure out clothes for you eh? I can’t imagine you want to stay in uniform until you’re back to normal.” She kept her voice just above a whisper, not wanting to break the comfortable mood around them. He nodded before yawning and stretching against her pillow. She couldn’t completely hold back the higher-pitched hum that left her throat, still not completely over how adorable he was like this. Once he’d closed his eyes, she watched as his breathing evened and shallowed before closing her own and letting her body relax into the bed.

[alpaca-writes]

Mystics, Chapter 12

When Arch becomes hired on at Mystics by the strange shopkeeper Lyrem Nomadus, everything seems to be going well- in fact, their life nearly becomes perfection. Soon enough, however, Arch realizes that perhaps not everything is as perfect as it seems….

Directory: [chapter one] [chapter two] [chapter three] [chapter four] [chapter five] [chapter six] [chapter seven] [chapter eight] [chapter nine] [chapter ten] [chapter eleven]

Tag list: @myst-in-the-mirror, @livingforthewhump

CW: memory whump, psychological whump, noncon touching (nonsexual), swearing. torture mention, car accident mention

CHAPTER TWELVE: THE FUTURE IS UNCERTAIN

        Store meeting. 8pm tonight. –

        “And, send.” Lyrem muttered to himself, then sighed. He laid his elbow against the countertop, staring mindlessly at his phone and drank the last sip of his coffee before throwing it into the trash bin beside him. The shapeshifter was in the alley, waiting for their cue. All Lyrem needed now, was Arch. A slight flittering sound alerted him to a new text.

        Omw.

        Perfect. Everything was in motion. Everything was going to work out. Arch needed a little more push. Just a slight nudge to keep them interested in working for him. The farther they went, the harder it would be to return to innocence. He couldn’t allow them the chance to turn away. He needed to awaken their memories naturally. He needed them to be lost in their fury. He needed them to take that extra step- he needed them to kill. And who better to help them to do that than-

        The front door flew open in a rage. Lyrem was faced with a version of himself blazoning with passionate anger. His eyes were red, his face was pink. He looked as though…

        “What happened to you?” He asked himself. The other Lyrem wiped a stray unstoppable tear from his face.

        “Oh, you’ll fucking find out!” He shouted. He travelled through the store and directly entered the employee washroom. He remained in there for several minutes before emerging with his face rinsed but still tender. He announced to his other self, still in a fit. “I’m taking the SUV.”

        The present Lyrem raised a brow, then returned to staring at his texts. It wasn’t often that he dared cross himself within a time-stream.

        “Just don’t crash the damn thing.” He hollered, but his future self was already gone through the back.

        -----

        The Labyrinth.

        Arch had only ever heard of it.

        What they knew was simply that it was a place of emptiness. It was a place where nothing existed. A place where suffering, joy, life and death ceased to be. It was also a place that stole you from the world. A step into the depths of the Labyrinth and you’d be forgotten to all. Forgotten to the whole world- except for the very one who had tossed you in. Even on Earth, the Labyrinth would ensure you’d never exist there either- not even in a memory. It wasn’t like simple Latin blood magic. This was a loss to endure forever.

        Now, they saw it, and it was much less impressive than they expected. Lyrem had propped open the back door as Arch held onto the man’s body- or the person they were to assume was the man. But… Arch knew better than to believe everything they heard. They were reminded of the policeman, Grenn, and what he had said a week ago-

        “How does a guy walk away from a car crash with a Bowie stuck in his leg?”

        At the time, it wasn’t as important to know how the man got away, as much as it was important to find him. Lyrem seemed sure that they had found him, but Arch wasn’t so sure- especially not after they leaned into his right leg. There wasn’t anything remotely close to a reaction from him. The knife was buried at lease two inches into his leg, of that, Arch was certain; and no one could heal from that in a week. The Labyrinth wouldn’t be pleasant, certainly, but at least they weren’t about to kill an innocent man.

        “Well?” Lyrem touted, “What are you waiting for?”

        Arch looked up and down the empty alleyway. Usually, Lyrem’s vehicle would be blocking the view of the street from the alley’s entrance, but it wasn’t around tonight. Maybe it was at a mechanics’; maybe Arch would get lucky.

        “Nothing,” they said, dismally. They propped the man up, who was now completely unconscious from a second well-placed blow to the head, and kicked him forward into the darkness.

        Lyrem closed the door after the shapeshifter.

        “I am proud of you, Arch,” he said, but this time, it sounded skeptical. Like he was testing them. He could see the change in their demeanour and he measured what this new version of Arch might mean for him.

        “That wasn’t the man, was it?” They postulated. Lyrem squirmed under their gaze. He nodded apologetically, and gave a half smile.

        “Too clever for your own good,” he praised warmly. Approaching, he clasped his hands together.  “You caught me. That was not the Man- though you certainly put him in his place, didn’t you? The Labyrinth… I would choose death over the Labyrinth a hundred times over if given a choice. Quite diabolical of you to choose the Labyrinth.”

        Arch stepped backward, nearly tripping over their own feet to do so. Lyrem regarded their movement keenly, and furrowed his brows.

        “What’s wrong, Arch?”

        “Nothing,” they mumbled, looking away, towards the door. “What… was he? Why did he look like the man?”

        “Oh,” Lyrem realized. “He is a shapeshifter. Hard beings to find, I will admit but for this particular job, he did just perfect. Well worth the expense I think.”

        Arch squinted their eyes at Lyrem, who was so comfortable with the idea of tossing people away.

        “So, he was like you?” Arch alleged tentatively. “A… a monster?”

         Lyrem stepped forward at the accusation, towering himself over the kid that he regarded so highly. A sharp betrayal stung him in the chest. He had almost forgotten that his future self had visited him to retrieve the SUV. He may finally know exactly what set him off into such a fury.

        “Say that again.”

        Arch stammered and stumbled over their words, their hands finding their way to their pocket where their phone was missing, but the mace, thankfully, remained. Lyrem stopped them with a finger to their lips, resulting in an upsetting silence from Arch.

        “I am not a monster,” he stated. “What I am is a bestower of great gifts. I gave you dominance and power over those who have oppressed you and you would lower me to the tier of a shapeshifter- a monster?”

        Arch was shaking now, unable to move any further away, and too fearful to object to his statements.

        “You promised me your life, your devotion to this work that I do. Arch, if I am truly a monster in your eyes, then you need not fear me any more than the one that stares back at you from a mirror.”

        Lyrem lowered his fingers, and took a deep breath.

        “I will forgive you, Arch. I will forgive you because I care about you, and because you did something very difficult for me today.” Lyrem raised his arm again, setting a hand on their shoulder. “And I suspect you are still trying to remember everything that you and I have done together. So… I apologize if this experience was… rattling.”

        “My…” Arch mumbled, still stricken with a sense of danger that was overwhelming them, reason and all. “My mom… she warned me…”

        The memories were fading… They were fading quickly. But their mom… their mom?... told them… somebody told them not to trust this man. The man with the gem shop. The man who forced them to work late. The man who taught them what power truly was.

        This was the man they feared. And they feared him more than anything else in the world.

        The lid of the mace hit the alleyway’s pavement, rolling into a gutter of the road. The hiss of the spray and the following spewed insults, were enough of a distraction for Arch to run into the street after they had thrown the emptied canister into the old man’s face. The only thing screaming in their mind was the knowledge that they had to return home and not Lyrem’s well chosen words that echoed down to them as he followed them at a slower pace to the sidewalk.

        “YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCH!”

        Arch flew down the many streets, pushing past the evening street-walkers if needed. Their legs fought them the whole way; still recovering from the bruises from the crash and their back still feeling the panging effects from the whiplash that caused a near-constant aching. For now, they couldn’t care less. They needed to get home. They needed to be safe. They needed…

        For whatever reason, a visual of Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore popped into their head. There was something about it that was wrong. There was something missing. Someone missing. Who was telling them about that ridiculous movie, again?

        Who would be waiting for them at the house? They thought.

        Maleficent. That stupid cat.

        People lived with other people though, didn’t they? Families. They realized. That was what it was called. They had one of those. Human families. Siblings and grandparents and fathers and…

        They reached the end of their block, their own face worn from the fears of that night and exhausted from everything that had been revealed to them. They weren’t a monster… They couldn’t be.

        They were Arch. They were a stupid high school student who had a part-time job. They had friends... they had little hobbies… they failed Spanish class.

        They also tortured Kyle. They flayed his skin so that Lyrem could dry them and use them as paper for certain macabre spell work.

        The more they ran with the knowledge of what they had done and who they had hurt, the harder it was to continue… the easier it was to give up. Their knees buckled, hitting the sidewalk pavement with force. Out of breath, and feeling nauseous, Arch’s forehead met the hot ground next; their arms and hands curled around their head as they threatened to pull their own hair out as a means of distraction from their horrible reality.

        “There you are…”

        Arch gulped, and merely wept, soaking the sidewalk in a small spot where their face was supported only by their forearms. They felt a firm grasp pulling them up by the elbow, and they succumbed to its demands. Their knees were torn into by stray pebbles, tossed on from the boulevards- some were still small enough to remain stuck beneath their there, leaving specks of red across their skin.

        “Wh-where…” Arch started to say- though they didn’t entirely know what they were trying to ask as a fog of grief and anger and fear poured over them. “Where’s… my…”

        It was exhausting, trying to remember exactly what was so wrong- why they couldn’t stand to be around Lyrem right now- and despite their best efforts to pull away, he dutifully remained by their side as they walked the rest of the street together. Slowly they arrived at the front door of the house.  

         Maleficent sat there at the top of the porch, waiting; her blue eyes peering judgmentally at the kid as they found their way up the stairs. A long grey tail swept from side to side lazily, then she proceeded to lick herself.

        Lyrem closed them into the house; the scent of burning paper filling it. He had lit a small fire in the living room and stacked several small Rubbermaid containers beside it- one of which, sitting on the raised slate hearth was half empty.

        The futon was roughly shoved back into the form of a couch. Bags of clothing in multiple colours remained by the door, as well as a stack of math and chemistry texts with haphazardly strewn loose-leaf papers.

        He sat Arch down on the futon as he laid a hand on their back. Gently, he caressed them and pulled a warm fleece throw over their lap. Arch curled into it, and watched the fire burn, engulfing the last memories of the people they thought of as family. Lyrem return to stoking it. He picked through some photos and papers from the open bin, allowing Arch to watch as he tossed them to the flames.

        Arch found themselves drifting into a deep dreamless sleep. With a pillow under their head and the room growing too warm, Lyrem studied them fondly as he continued to shove their past into the flames. Over an hour later, he closed the lid on the one of the last bins. He would return to burning those papers and photos another time. He pushed the little metal bar to close the flue on the fire, and shut the door on it as it groaned like a horn.

        “You rang…?”

        Lyrem turned around, seeing Paimon, he scoffed. Then held a finger to his lips to keep the demon quiet until he shooed him into the kitchen. Lyrem started the kettle on the stove. Paimon looked from the couch and then back to Lyrem warily, and then opened his mouth.

        “Don’t say it,” Lyrem interjected. Paimon looked slightly offended.

        “I was going to say that our lawyer has their papers ready,” Paimon replied with an innocent conjecture. Removing his tall hat, he placed it on the small worn wooden table. Lyrem nodded, and he continued. “But also, that you are getting too close.”

        Lyrem pulled himself away from the cupboard; a tin of hot chocolate powder in his hand, he considered using it as a bludgeoning instrument- but even if he had something more weaponized, Paimon wouldn’t have felt a thing. He was a demon, after all.

         “All Arch has to do is sign and your debts will become their debts. You won’t ever have to worry about what you owe- well until you make another ridiculous deal, that is.”

        “Keeping Maria alive was not a ridiculous deal,” Lyrem said. He pulled three mugs out of the cupboard, filling them with spoonfuls of the powder. Now they only needed to wait for the water to boil.

        “My apologies,” Paimon instilled a silence into the room. Absently he sifted through the mail with Charlotte’s name sprawled over it. Insurance payment reminders, some neighbourhood notices, and list of seemingly random addresses she had penned out over the phone one day, they all sat in a heap. “Their mother, then?”

        Lyrem accepted the shame with dignity and crossed his arms as he leaned into the fridge.

“It had to be done. Arch is too easily influenced by them,” He spoke simply. “Thank you again for providing me with another doorway. It took a lot of energy… I may need to devour a heart or two before I replenish my strength.”

“Have you considered that you might be getting in a little over your head?”

Lyrem shook it. “No. I- I am not in over my head, Paimon. My head is still well above the waterline, thank you very much.”

Paimon smoothed his beard to the end and regarded the man skeptically.

“So, you will still allow Arch to sign?”

Lyrem blinked, his lashes fluttering bit as he thought of his answer. Then he scowled.

“They already said they would sign. I am sure that if Arch cares about me, and cares about the work ahead of them, that they will make the right decision for themselves.”

“And if they make the wrong decision?” Paimon postulated.

Lyrem fell silent just in time for the kettle to scream out with a high whistle. He shut off the stove, and picked it up. Filling the three mugs and giving them a stir, he passed one to Paimon, then moved to the living room.

With a light nudge, Arch awoke to the smell of the warm chocolate sugar and accepted the cup as they sat up. Wrapping their blanket around their shoulders, Lyrem asked.

“Are you feeling better, now?”

Arch nodded, brushing away some dried tears. Past Lyrem’s head of grey, the light was on in the kitchen with the demon in black sitting there still. He caught their gaze and held it carefully. Arch waved.

Paimon nodded back with a slight sideways grin.

“What’s Paimon doing here?” they asked, whispering to Lyrem.

Good. They remembered Paimon.

“He’s just here to catch up, that’s all.” Lyrem left them to their own devices on the couch and returned to the kitchen table as he retrieved his own comforting mug and held onto it with both hands as if the simple act could warm his rapidly cooling heart.

‘Let them enjoy their prom- their graduation. One last night out with their friends.” Lyrem was asking- no, pleading more than telling.

“Immediately after. I don’t want you to be running around any longer with this target on your back. It makes me… uneasy.” Paimon adjusted in his seat. “You and I still have much to do.”

“Yes. Yes, I know.” Lyrem sipped on his hot chocolate as his hazel eyes glazed over from thoughts that were perhaps too deep for his own good.

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

What My Thoughts On Morrissey Today

In response to my writing idea someone gave me I picked this.

So basically, Morrissey’s nationalism in recent years has gotten in the way of me being able to appreciate much that he comes out with. This is wild because a few short years ago, I stood up for Morrissey and actually still feel very moved by a portion of his music. It got me through some really rough patches in my twenties.

I realize he’s human and has faults and I don’t know him completely but just eh, living in Portland and having seen the stuff going on I’m kind of not in the place in my life right now where I want to even try to dissect him. It’s not just a fact that he’s wrong, but that it seems altogether very much in rejection of the things that made his music so special. It was difficult for me to come to terms with it or fully make sense of why someone who’s unashamed expression of witty despair in the 80’s and 90’s, someone who was outcasted from the overall closed mindedness lower working class post ww2 world of northern England, unafraid to be gay and completely the antithesis of some Tory ideal could be bought by some tired nationalist agenda. It’s even more difficult to realize where his alegianced lie in a world that is starting to reject democracy, embrace anti intellectualism in the guise of some form of selective politically motivated skeptism, and I see the world move farther and farther into fascism.

Margaret Thatcher attacked The Smiths. Morrissey was taken in for questioning more than once out of fear for what he represented. Morrissey and The Smiths has some subversive element that really did threaten the establishment and cultural norms, in a way that I feel was a little more multidimensional than even a lot of bands in the English punk scene. I guess for me, even though I grew up in the Inland northwest of the US, I felt there was a lot of parallels in common. I too detest a culture based around animal consumption, was really not a part of the world I grew up in and didn’t want to work in the factories, I liked art and music and nobody around me was really into that stuff.

I still like the Smiths and most of Morrisseys old music. I read his autobiography. I know he is a dramatic self involved individual but I did feel that up till somewhat recently his heart was in the right place and he just liked to be controversial, which is somewhat true still, but now I think there was more to it, some nationalistic self preservation instinct kicking in. Its actually more prevelant than I even realized and I honestly think it’s getting the best of anyone with money or power, even those who once stood for something counter culture. It’s hard to think of him as racist in the traditional sense with his adoration for Latin America, but he might just be so self involved that his popularity in those regions gave him a bias. He probably separates the racism from the nationalism, blindly not wanting to see how the two concepts are quite inseparable. Falling right into it.

Him saying “everyone prefers their own race”, is kind of wild to me. I genuinely even try to entertain this as a possibility like a philosophical thought experiment or a deep dive of some kind into my own subconscious part of me I am avoiding somehow, and it’s not true for me or a lot of people. Who the fuck is he to say who prefers who, and how backwards and dehumanizing. It’s pretty repulsive, and being he is bisexual and felt the discrimination of homophobia growing up, I’m inclined to think he’s not able to see that he’s become the enemy he once represented the antithesis of.

The guy I’ve kinda been with is Mexican. I totally love him. I look into people’s eyes and I talk to and open up to people and if I connect with them I connect with them. Not like I’m trying to play the I gotta friend who is this or that as some kind of example of much, or that I don’t see color or some faulty implication, but I have been in situations where I’m the only white person at a party and I prefer them because they are my friends and I love them, and the idea of classifying who I prefer is to imply that the white race should be my main concern as they are the same as me and therefore superior and they aren’t. There is nothing inherently special to me or a kinship felt with other white people for either their appearance or cultural background. It’s nice to compare notes of pop culture but a lot of stuff people go through is universal. I don’t take too much issue with multiculturalism. My white skin is meaningless to me. I can’t imagine being so inept as a person that the color of my skin actually defines my identity rather than my autonomy or ideas or relationships and what I stand for and my ability to appreciate and connect with other people.

What gets me is that in his support of the far right is not even in line with his hatred of police, or the hatred he had a few years ago. I mean, he has always gone on and on about police brutality, he’s been harassed by them on multiple occasions. He shows them on giant projectors at his shows. Police are a very important staple for fascism and nationalism, and he is now on their side after all this time? What changed? The lost young man he once was in 1981 feels very very different from who he has become and piecing together that transformation has been something I’ve been trying to do for awhile. I try to embrace both but they seem like similar but different people at odds with one another, like an uncle and nephew.

Here is what I imagine happened, and I could be wrong about that but I was a Morrissey fangirl for quite awhile. I literally had his signed autograph above my bed with dried flowers around it like a shrine for a few years, and got a grasp of Morrisseys personality in some ways.

To start off, Morrissey is a very poetic and sharp guy but he’s very miopic about his interests and has always had the tendency to see the world in a black and white framework. This in and of itself is not necessarily bad, but it’s the core framework of who he is as a person. When he was young it was very much more a reflection of his hatred for authoritarianism and deceitful people and phony artists. It’s not bad and it contributed to his music and lyrics and became the thing he was loved/hated for. The way he goes about it really has always been the double edged sword of his charm and vileness all in one and something people have mocked time and time again. He likes to be the guy in the corner that looks fine and smug and believes he sees the virtues/dispicable attributes of everyone in the room and there have been times in his life where he was, and though he won’t ever attack anyone face to face he’s quick to speak his mind about it.

Morrissey is also a very vain person. It’s subtle but he is very singular on certain aesthetics. At times it made him brilliant and poetic and a visionary. The Smiths album covers are beautiful. His look is both elegant and absurd in its grasp for purity. It also makes him seem like a twat and a pretentious prince. The fact that he seems to be these two things at once is what gave him that kind of controversial star quality at times.

Those are just two natural traits he has always been obvious with. And he struggled with it and focused on his passions and dealt with depression in the 80’s. Then fame happened and the smiths ended. He kept to himself more or less in the 80’s and 90’s aside from his disdain for Margaret Thatcher, but he kinda lost his mind a bit when his drummer took him to court in the nineties. Right or wrong he fought for two years and lost a good chunk of his money from The Smiths and when that happened he kind of was forced to start again. He lost his home. He developed that early personalized sense of self preservation and victimhood. I think he lost faith in many of his more naive ideals when he was younger. When you read his autobiography and know what happened it’s like he had to step out of his old life and into something else.

Then, he’s always been a vegetarian superiority type. I liked that he calls it as he sees it but because of his need to black and white think everything he came off as deluded and smug. I mean, to be fair you can’t seem to win with people who want to eat meat and I agreed with a portion of his message, but he never questioned himself. He’s not good at that, or doesn’t appear to be. My personal interpretation of him was to agree with part of it and give him the cred for being not afraid to be a dick and say it, but to see also that he was so dramatic and self absorbed about it to also laugh at him and the way he said it.

Now to go into fascism and why it grew on Morrissey. I see the world as kind of falling into polarization and flux because of the failures of neoliberalism. It’s a long political explanation, but essentially the systems that are in place do not provide answers to a lot of catestrophic issues. Democracy, though the best thing we have, is flawed. I really like philosophy and have studied this and the various arguments that are made, and I don’t have the answer either but fuck if I will ever side with nazis.

People are seaking solace in new ideas that are actually quite old, namely socialism and fascism that provide answers that democracy fails to. Capitalism eats itself and created monopolies and unfair wealth distribution, technology is making human labor obsolete and therefore not a stable means to base our economic system on, those with wealth are hoarding it and trying to separate themselves from the world they helped ruin. We are destroying the planet, running out of natural resources, many of our leaders in the last three or for decades have been flawed, there isn’t a universal safety net for things like natural disasters and pandemics and there are still places stripped of their natural resources where human slavery is prevalent and children starve to death. Neoliberalism has promised some great answer but has actually been the contributor to this entire mess.

We are seeing the beginning of the end now, and I am sure Morrissey isn’t going to waste that without putting himself in the victim shoes, the white traditional quintessentially Englishman of wit, who sees his beautiful world he grew up in disappearing in multiculturalism and seeing himself and the culture of old England as a dying breed, that needs to be preserved at any cost. He probably was on the fence about it for some time, weighing out his disdain for authoritarianism, having a bougouis experience with the seemingly left leaning media that he never managed to win over and called him out for his every misstep. I bet he had a friend who opened him up to the idea that we don’t know about who changed his mind. I bet cuts in taxes for the rich helped him preserve his wealth that he definitely feels entitled to after losing the first portion of it in the court case. He’s rich, famous and old and often times that leads to being quite out of touch, even to the best intellectuals. He lost his mother who was dear to him and I can imagine, even though it’s not political, it created a deep sense of emptiness and dis ease. Nationalism often times gives people a sense of security and identity and purpose. And the idea of having an unpopular opinion excited him just as it always has, gave him the opportunity to be the smug poet in the corner of the party, and he sold out. Hard. And he’s probably proud of it.

He’s irrelevant now. Honestly his latest album wasn’t good, and I like later Morrissey. He doesn’t have the same energy. I just feel like he’s grasping at something that he never fully ever had. What’s weird to me is that I’m writing about him like this when honestly, I could also easily write about how beautiful and meaningful the Smiths and Morrissey has been to me. I can’t explain how it cut through the extreme isolation I’ve been in, not to mention how the Smiths really changed music for the better. There’s always going to be a part of me that wants to defend him. I’m not saying we cancel him. I kinda think he canceled himself. I’m not going to try to not enjoy the smiths or morrissey when I hear him, and I will still hear it and enjoy it but I’m not ever going to spend my own money on filling his pockets. I still nostalgically enjoy the person he was a very long time ago and what he used to represent. I realize at the end of the day he’s just a flawed person. But also fuck fascism, and fuck Morrissey for caving into it.

I mean, at the end of the day the hardest part is that I made him a part of my identity and I just had to stop doing that in a simplistic way. I tossed out a morrissey shirt I had (it’s was a cheesy shirt anyway), and I found new genres of music and while I still love the smiths it’s not like I can’t do without them every day. I break down and listen to them sometimes. I know the songs so well. I listen to Xiu Xiu which is a modern day similar equivalent in some ways but is absolutely better and the singer Jamie Stewart is fucking gold.

[kimkymury]

Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 9

Hey everyone, another chapter of Pascal x Carl fanfic is here, I hope you like it!

I’d like to thanks @depressedoverdrawings​ for  for reviewing the history and help fixing grammatical errors.

Warning:  Just a little warning, some characters have distorted views about sexuality, and those views do not represent what I think in real life. This was written on purpose to suit the environment and the time that the story takes place, since at that time people were more closed minded.

The Portuguese Version of this story is avaliable on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/963625097-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-9

Under the cut!

Chapter 9

P.O.V Narrator

The boy who had been concentrated on the teacher's lecture now found himself exchanging messages with the friend next to him. Carl's every movement was made with care and apprehension, fearful that they'd be discovered. On the other hand, the red-haired boy didn't care so much about discretion. His indifference towards the classes was evident: every time he attended the class, he always counted the minutes to return to the laboratory. The dark-haired boy discreetly unfolded the paper he was given, preventing the act of unfolding it from making any noise and hiding it in one of the pages of the book. The almost illegible handwriting was one of the scientist's characteristics, and it took a little effort to understand what was written. Carl was already used to it, reading what was on the paper was not a problem.

Carl begins to read the note hidden inside the book:

"Latin truly is a dead language, they could teach us actually useful things, like Biology, ne in vobis? (Don't you agree?)"

The last part of the sentence was written in Latin. The redhead liked to make clear that the fact that he found the subject useless didn't mean he was ignorant of it. Complaints on his friend's part were common, Carl just didn't think he would expose his whining during class. Pascal looked at him as if waiting for an answer. The dark haired boy needed to think about what to write and return the paper without causing suspicion. The pencil slides over the surface of the paper quickly, as the writer struggled to make as little noise as possible. The redhead is pleased to receive the small piece of paper back, he opens it and gets ready to read and answer. Carl's careful and beautifully rounded handwriting carried the words the scientist had already expected.

"I know you prefer to study other things, but you need to learn Latin if you plan to graduate someday."

Carl's words were so predictable that Pascal had an answer ready, he just needed to know if it was the right time to make his proposal. The small piece of paper is passed again to the friend, who was eager to continue the conversation, despite being afraid of getting caught.

"We have yet another class after lunch, the teachers must be trying to destroy our brains, like this. I was thinking of going to the greenhouse to pick new species of flowers after noon. Would you like to join me?"

The religious boy repeatedly reread what was written, for fear of being mistaken. Had Pascal just invited him to go the greenhouse during class time? The friend's habit of failing on purpose was known to everyone, and no one was surprised when they didn't see him in class. But with Carl it was different, he was the complete opposite of Pascal, he could count on the fingers of one hand how many absences he had in an year. It would be risky, they could be caught, punished, warned and maybe even their families would know. His good nature and rigidly constructed morals screamed at him to refuse the invitation, the fear and emotion of being doing something wrong mixing together. But the desire to spend some time with the redhead proved greater than all that. Fervently hoping that they wouldn't be seen or discovered, the dark-haired boy internally asked for forgiveness for what he was about to do, feeling unimaginable guilt. But it was his curiosity won the control over his actions, not his guilt. The note is returned slowly. Carl could not believe what he had written, there was still time to change his mind, but he didn't.

Pascal opens the paper and smiles, satisfied with what he'd read. The opportunities to see his friend doing risky things were rare; he liked seeing him leave his comfort zone.

"As long as we don't get caught, I accept." - That small sentence was enough to end the message exchange. Now they had to calmly wait until the right time.

In a way, the scientist wasn't so bothered by how long Latin class was taking now, he seemed distracted, thinking about what was going to happen, with a simple, surreptitious smile on his face. The religious boy, on the other hand, turned his attention entirely to what he was learning. For him the hours seemed endless, as he felt a sickening mixture of anxiety and excitement at the same time. He'd never agreed to doing something so risky before. The truth is that Carl would have refused the invitation had it been made by anyone else, but with Pascal was different, he knew that he would have fun, as long he was with his friend. It was a time that deserved to be spent and a risk that was worth taking, he concluded. And while the religious boy was lost in his thoughts and feelings, the scientist's mind worked at full speed. He was extremely determined in what he did and felt, and didn't make the proposal to his friend without a proper reason behind it. He wanted to put his feelings to the test.

With his chin on one hand and a bored look that watched the professor read the passages in the book, Pascal remembered what it had been like to discover what he felt. It was a strange feeling, it wasn't like anything he'd read in his biology books. It was a genuine happiness, that seemed to have no particular cause. He was surprised, but he was not disappointed, after all, he knew he was liable to have feelings like anyone else. He just didn't expect those feelings to be for the person he least expected. Someone who was by his side all the time, someone who probably wouldn't feel the same way about him. Frustration was part of his life, but the frustration he felt now burned like impotence, it wassomething that even made him feel physical pain. Discreetly, the red-haired boy's gaze turned to the boy next to him; he carefully analyzed his friend, who was concentrated on what he read. The white skin had few imperfections, just a few slight marks, too subtle to be noticed. The hair was as dark as black ink, its texture was smooth, and it looked thin, soft, and easy to comb. The eyes, dark as the night sky, showed a permanent expression of sadness or worry, as if something was always troubling him.

Pascal might consider himself stupid for being enchanted by such common things, things he saw daily and for so long, and yet, no matter how much time passed or how close they were, Carl kept fascinating him. A slight sigh is released, the expression that seemed bored before, now seemed thoughtful. Every second until lunchtime was counted impatiently by both boys, who were surprised at their excitement over going flower-picking together.

After a few hours, the lunchtime bell rang, providing a great relief for all students. The way from the classroom to the cafeteria was walked quietly; Carl still wondered if it had been a good idea to accept the invitation, and whether he should have refused. But that thought changed shortly after they sat down to eat, as Serge was unaccompanied and sat next to Carl just like the night before. The pianist asked some questions about Carl's morning tardiness, but soon his curiosity was placated with some excuses. However, the other boys present, like Kurt and Neka, quickly took the opportunity to make all kinds of jokes possible with the situation.

"Professor Watts often complains that we are late for the first class of the day, next time I'll just tell him that even the Class Representative does it, so there's no reason why I shouldn't do it too." - The boy with curly red hair said, making everyone at the table laugh, even Carl.

It almost made him forget why he had been so excited for lunch, but the exchange of looks he had made with Pascal quickly reminded him. It was as if they agreed on the right time to act by exchanging looks. Conversation between friends flowed naturally, the dark-haired boy was so distracted that his thoughts about the gypsy boy, which had previously disturbed him, were forgotten for a few moments. The minutes passed and the number of students in the cafeteria decreased. The boys' dishes were progressively emptied as they became more apprehensive about how to leave without being caught. The older boy, who sat across from Carl, nodded discreetly, indicating that it was time to act.

The two young men stood up after making up some excuse for their friends who were still eating, afraid that their nervousness was evident in some way. Everything would have gone perfectly, were it not for Serge's intervention:

"Carl, Gilbert didn't come to class today, why don't we sit side by side in Latin class after lunch?" - The pianist asked before Carl could walk away, leaving him at a loss for an answer.

Pascal stopped walking after hearing this. He had his doubts whether Carl would really continue with the plan after receiving Serge's invitation. He wasn't a hypocrite, he knew it was difficult for his friend to deal with unrequited feelings. Yet, he couldn't help but feel frustrated at the gypsy boy's attitude. He knew that feeling wasn't reasonable, it wasn't as if Serge had asked that just to annoy him, he didn't even have any idea about what was going on with Carl. The scientist patiently waited for the religious boy to respond. Carl's conscience was split in two. It was a fact that spending time with Serge was all he wanted, especially now that the blond boy wasn't near. But a part of him, the part that controlled his decisions, made him think that perhaps the time he could spend with Pascal, as risky as it could be, would be more worthwhile.

"I'm sorry, but I promised Pascal that I would help him in today's class" - The dark-haired boy said, trying to look as convincing as possible, feeling bad about lying and refusing his friend's invitation.

It was difficult to refuse the request of a person he so yearned to be close to, but in a strange way, he found himself wanting to be with Pascal even more than with Serge. The redhead understood him like nobody else, he could be who he really was with him, he felt understood and safe. Pascal, on the other hand, was somewhat jealous of the way Serge was deified by Carl. But the scientist made an effort to be rational, and he would not let a feeling or a whim impair his relationship with his friend.

With a gesture of understanding, Serge made no further inquiries and soon went back to talking with the other boys. The two friends then took the opportunity and left the dining hall, which was already getting empty as the students finished their lunch. In the corridors were some teachers and other school staff, who guaranteed the supervision of the students, so that they didn't escape the school or avoided attending classes. Some boys used the last minutes of lunch to talk or rest outdoors, at the small courtyard in the center of Lacombrade.

A feeling of nervousness came over Carl. He walked calmly beside his friend, who seemed to be concetrated on his own thoughts. It was practically impossible to get out without being caught, but the red-haired boy was already an adept truant, and so had a plan already orchestrated in his mind.

"There is no way to leave without being seen! What are we going to do now?" - The dark haired boy asked in a low voice, doubting the possibility of his friend having an answer.

"At exactly five to one, Professor Watts crosses to the other corridor, leaving free passage to a small room used to store materials and other useless things. There's a small window that gives access to the outside. After leaving throught it, we simply follow the path to the greenhouse. " - The redhead replied as if describing an everyday act, which it really was, to him.

While he was somewhat impressed wish his friend's experience in truancy, the dark-haired boy felt the need to reprimand him for taking such risky and immoral actions, but he knew that now was not the ideal time for that. And even if it was, Pascal would not hear his sermons; he was used to his routine of going to look for flowers to pick, and would have no intention of abandoning it. The two friends waited (one of them anxiously) for the moment when the professor would leave his post and the passage would be free. The scientist as naturally, as if nothing was amiss, while his religious friend watched the surroundings in fear of being caught. There was nobody else in that part of the school, it was a seldom frequented place, which relaxed their worries over being watched.

However, it would have surprised them to know that there was one person who watched the scene intently. A young boy who also carried the surname Messier, saw his brother accompanied by the redhead, and was surprised by what he saw.

 In a deeper part of his mind, he had already imagined the scientist's possible intentions, and noticed that he had some sort of strong affection for Carl. Sebastian did not imagine that his brother would go as far as breaking a Lacombrade rule however, rules that he defended at any cost, just to be able to hang out with Pascal. He let out a tiny sigh and started walking in the opposite direction. Sometimes, it seemed that they weren't even brothers, so different they were.

After the short journey was made without raising suspicion, they approached the old wooden door. It was not well cared for like the other school doors, and it seemed to not having been changed in a long time. Carl vaguely remembered this room. He hadn't had many opportunities to enter it, but he knew it was always locked and could only be opened with a key that only the school staff had access to.

"We don't have the key, how are we going to open it?" - The religious boy asked while turning the knob and failing to open the door, wondering if his friend had any solution to this problem.

From inside one of the pockets, the red-haired boy took out a small key that he used to unlock the door, prompting Carl to ask where he got it from. He did not believe that his friend would be able to steal something just for his own benefit. Pascal had many defects, but dishonesty was not one of them.

"This type of doorknob is an old model, similar to those in my house. I just took a key of mine and filed it in a similar shape until I managed to open it." - The redhead said just before opening the door.

Really, he might not look like it, but he was a real genius. An eccentric and even rebellious genius, but one who possessed a greater intelligence than most usually expected. He went in first and waited for his friend, who was still standing at the door, hesitating. The dark-haired boy looked around before entering, asking God's forgiveness for doing something wrong, letting guilt consume him before proceeding. Carl had gone delinquent. He wasn't proud of it, but something was telling him to continue. Maybe it was the strong desire to forget about his problems and get a little distraction, or to just enjoy the company of his best friend, which was comforting. Their friendship was inexplicable, unshakable, they understood each other better than anyone. Pascal didn't show it much, but he was extremely happy that Carl had accompanied him. It meant a lot to him, it meant that the dark-haired boy liked his company.

The scientist's feelings, which were already strong, had intensified in recent days. He knew that he was not reciprocated, that Carl's heart was already broken and he would not surrender easily, but he was satisfied with only his presence.

I loved you from the beginning, Since I saw you, you have won a special place in my heart. I don't know what makes me love you so much, it's irrational, it's against logic. It's like breaking the laws of physics, it hurts me to see you so close, And to know you are so far away. If numbers could describe us, we would be the Riemann Hypothesis*.

Frustrations were part of Pascal Biquet's life. He had already become so used to them that he saw no problem in having one more in his collection.

* Considered one of the most difficult mathematical problems of all time, this equation has never been solved and there is a prize for those who can solve it.

Continued in Next Chapter

[that-one-bi-wizard]

The Truth About the Boy

My first Creek fanfic! Sorry if they’re out of character!

It was hard to remember what happened that day.

Everything past lunch was a huge blur. Craig could only remember short instances, but, for the most part, he had a difficult time making out most of it.

He remembered waking up. From there, he went to school, hung out with his friends a bit, and went to class. His usual morning routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. That was until…

Craig remembered having to eat lunch alone. His usual friend group was busy today. He went to their normal spot behind the school and sat on the ground, staring up at the chain-link fence for a while before eventually distracting himself with his cell phone. He rested his head against the brick wall he was sitting against. He wished he could say the reason that day was so forgettable was that it was so boring and uneventful, but that wasn’t the case, of course. You could never just have a dull day in this town.

“Craig, is that you?”

Craig felt his entire body come to a halt. The voice was so different yet so familiar. It wasn’t any of his friends. That he knew for sure. But it couldn’t be.

He had moved away so years ago. He left South Park way back in elementary school.

He heard light footsteps against the concrete coming closer to him. A familiar figure came into Craig’s peripheral vision and stopped just next to him. “Craig?”

Craig jumped up and shoved his phone onto his sweater’s pocket. He kept his voice as flat and bored as it usually was. “Tweek, hey.”

He turned to get a good look at the boy he hadn’t seen in years. He wasn’t much different than what Craig remembered.

Tweek still had the same bright blonde hair that could never be tamed. It stuck out in every direction making it look like a bird’s nest on top of his head. He wore a dark green button-up that was reminiscent of the one he wore when they were only ten years old. And just like when they were ten, it was buttoned incorrectly.

A smile tugged at Craig’s lips. It was endearing to see that after so many years, Tweek hardly changed. It also brought back memories he preferred to keep in the back of his mind.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it?”

Craig looked down at the shorter boy and felt a sudden awkward tension in his chest. “Uh…yeah. I guess so.” He felt his palms begin to sweat, so he shoved them into his pockets.

“Jimmy and Token told me you’d be back here,” Tweek said. “They said it’d be a good idea to come say hi, so… hi.” He gave Craig that sweet smile he remembered so fondly from their childhood.

Craig couldn’t help but smile himself. “Hi.”

The two stood there awkwardly for a while in almost complete silence. They stared into each other’s eyes. The only sound that could be heard was the leaves rustling in the light breeze.

What was there to say? They hadn’t seen each other in years, and Craig had some unresolved feelings he couldn’t quite explain nor tell Tweek about.

Craig cleared his throat. “Tweek, I-”

The school bell interrupted him. Craig cursed the fact he had forgotten they were at school.

Tweek broke his gaze from Craig. “Oh, um, that’s the bell. I should get to class.”

“Yeah… me too.”

Tweek turned to leave but stopped and did something Craig hadn’t expected. He hugged him tightly. And that’s when the day became a blur.

Tweek released him. “Hopefully, I’ll see you around. Bye, Craig.” He flashed him one last smile and left.

Craig’s head spun. It was such a surreal experience that Craig wasn’t even sure if it happened.

His childhood friend, his childhood crush, talked to him for the first time in almost six years. It was… it was something.

The rest of the day sped by. And now here Craig was.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking out into the clear night sky. Stars sprinkled the sky, creating familiar shapes and forms that Craig could easily point out and name.

And that’s exactly what he was doing in his head. He looked out at the constellations in the sky and sighed. He was finally able to think straight. It usually helped him clear his head when he was thinking about things he knew for a fact.

He knew facts about space. The truth about stars. He knew those were for sure things. And it helped distract him from things that he couldn’t be sure of.

Like his emotions.

He couldn’t be sure about his feelings. He wasn’t one to dwell on his feelings, especially ones he’d rather push to the back of his mind. Like negative emotions and romantic feeling, about Tweek especially…

He shook his head. Craig groaned in frustration and laid back on his bed. He didn’t understand why he was making such a big deal out of such a simple interaction.

It was a stupid childhood crush. He should’ve been over it by now, but, no, as soon as he forgot about him, Tweek just had to come back into the picture.

Craig looked out into the night sky again. He scanned for anything else that could get his mind off Tweek. His eyes landed on the moon.

Moon, a natural satellite of the Earth. Latin name, Luna. Hundreds of thousands of miles away from here. No signs of water or life or atmosphere.

That would’ve been an easy way to fill the awkward silence. Craig had plenty of facts about the moon that he could’ve told Tweek at that moment. Tweek would’ve probably thought he was weird though. It would’ve been amusing to see the look on Tweek's face though.

Craig smiled to himself. Tweek, being Tweek, probably would’ve just smiled and nodded. Craig remembered having conversations with him, and the blonde boy nodding and listening to him rant about something stupid. It was either about his favorite television show or the newest video game. And Tweek always seemed to be listening to everything Craig was saying. On Craig’s end, when Tweek would dump his worrisome rants onto him, he was hanging on to his every word.

Craig blinked. He looked up at the moon, realizing he was lost in thought about the boy again. It was a stupid crush. A stupid kid crush at that. He was older now. This shouldn’t be bothering him as much as it was.

The tall boy stood up and walked toward the window. He rested his forehead against the cold glass. His eyes were glued to the night sky. It was just so easy to get lost in his facts, but not this time.

This time was different. This time he couldn’t just get lost in his facts about space or the moon or anything. His mind just kept coming back to Tweek.

He looked up at the moon and sighed.

Craig hated emotions sometimes. He hated how the heart worked. He hated that he… that he had feelings for Tweek.

He rolled back his shoulders and sat up straight. He took in a deep breath.

Moon, a natural satellite of the Earth. The same size no matter where you are. Latin name, Luna.

Lovely name, Tweek.

The truth about the moon was much easier to handle than the truth about the boy.

[missbeautyandherbeast]

Enough (now on the right blog)

Donatello x Reader

Summary: All your life you had been ‘overweight’. And no one would let you forget it, and certainly not your family. A few years and moving out seemed to fade the problem a bit but there were still side effects. But nothing you couldn’t handle... right? You had a new life and an incredibly loving boyfriend to always pick you up...right?

A/N: This is deep stuff. Please, all of you, read with caution. this isn’t a light topic and I know that. I am not asking for advice or your opinion, I am writing about my feelings and experiences through an outlet that lets me sort through them easier. This is a sensitive subject for many of you as it is me, be a decent person.

Warnings: Eating disorders, body dysmorphia, panic attack, fluff I promise.

@im-a-loser-for-tmnt-deactivated

I had known the turtles for a few years. They found me my senior year of high school and I was halfway through my college career, it deciding to run longer than I thought because I switched my plans so that I was going to double major.

 Raph teased me constantly about my intelligence and good girl persona and I let it slide. He was jealous. I could live with that. And I had, from a lot of other people too. And I knew I was smart; my 34 ACT score was attesting to that. I didn’t brag though. Donnie did enough of that on my behalf. 

Before we had gotten together, I would lend him my textbooks. Whether it was Calculus, or Latin, he went through each one, always asking for more. I eventually got a library card just so that I could keep getting him more books. That turned into us studying together—I needed my Latin book after all, and though learning it sucked hard, it wasn’t as bad when Donnie was by my side trying to untangle the language with me. Now that I was in my third semester of it, we were both pretty good and had well over a thousand flash cards. 

I could tell that he was disappointed by my lack of science textbooks. He knew that I was an English and Classics major, I didn’t need science for that. I took my social science of Psychology during my first semester. He never pressed me on it, but I could always see his eyes searching for them with each book I brought.

 I had my prejudices against science. Were they reasonable? Yes, but not in the way that anyone else would, think. And Donnie didn’t know I had them at all, yet he was smart, he probably inferred it. He still didn’t press it. Until one night when we were talking about something completely different did the topic come up. 

“You need to eat.” His eyes narrowed, offering me the mostly empty box of pizza.

 It smelled mouthwatering and looked so appetizing, but I refrained. I had already eaten twice today. That was all I allowed myself. 

“I’m not hungry,” I mumbled, closing my eyes and leaning back on the couch. “Just tired.” 

“Because you haven’t eaten enough.” His tone was a bit harsher than before, and he said it as if it were obvious. 

“I ate today!” I almost growled. “What more do you want?” 

“You need more energy,” He backed down at my aggressive tone. “You’re doing a lot more these days, all of the back and forth from here to home to college. You need energy.” 

I looked up at him to see a soft expression on his face, pleading. I shook my head and folded my arms.

 “No,” I whispered, unsure of my voice. “I’m not going to.”

 He sighed and threw the box onto the coffee table then rubbed his face, giving into my stubbornness.

 “And why not?”

Maybe my battle wasn’t over. 

“Because I will throw up.” I tried to say it as nonchalantly as possible, but Donnie knew me, he could hear the pain and sadness underneath.

 Without a word he pulled me into his lap, cradling me as if I were the most precious thing in the world. I wanted that to be true, but it felt so far from the truth. 

“You know you’re beautiful,” He murmured into my hair softly. 

I wanted that to be true too. Shrugging, I rolled my eyes. He chuckled sadly. 

“I guess it doesn’t help that I think you're sexy then?” He mused slightly.

 I almost laughed. I would have if this weren’t the subject. Instead, I held my tongue. He sighed again, something thoughtful this time. 

“Of all the things, why would you fret over your looks, my love?” He pondered. “You seem to like me, and I’m not exactly the ideal body image.” His joke wasn’t lost on me, I just wasn’t in the mood. 

“You weren’t raised being told to look like an athlete and being so far from one,” I whispered. “And now... I’m in a school with thousands of volleyball players and sorority girls and...” I trailed off. 

“No one wants them any more love, if you haven’t noticed, you’re kind of in style right now. Call it what you may, a fad or something more, but you are accepted in society as well as in my heart.” He murmured, rubbing my arm. “And speaking medically, you’re fine too.”

 I went absolutely rigid at his last sentence. Suddenly I needed out. I couldn’t take him touching me. My senses shut themselves down, as the words I yearned to scream clawed their way up my throat. 

“I will never be accepted medically. I will always be overweight and unfit to every doctor and physician.” I bit out venomously, making my way out of his arms. Tears stung my eyes, but I blinked them away. “And I can’t change that.” 

My voice sounded uneven as I balled my hands into fists. Donnie was shocked at my outburst and quickly tried to pacify me. 

“Those charts are always wrong, Y/n, love.” He stood, coming toward me. “They account for male body types, not females, and you’re biologically different,” I backed away, shaking my head. 

“Please, just leave me alone,” I begged and headed for his room, the one we shared whenever I stayed. 

I slid down against the closed door and no longer fought against my tears. Sobs wracked my frame as I tried to curl up smaller and smaller. 

I was never enough. I could never be enough. Science would never accept me. It would always tell me I’m wrong. It will always tell me that I’m not beautiful. How can I argue with what everyone calls fact? 

There was a small knock on the door, maybe an hour later. 

“Y/n?”

 It was Donnie. Of course, it was. His voice was small and timid. 

“Love, please,” He begged. “I’m so sorry. I know I went overboard. I’m not used to hearing you talk like that, hurting so badly. Please, don’t shut me out. I’m glad you told me,” He paused, as if he were to debate continuing. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to what you were actually trying to tell me. I’m sorry that I butted in and overreacted. Please, I didn’t mean to make it worse like I did.” I could hear him take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’ll be out here when you’re ready.”

 Silent tears made their way down my face once more at his words. I pulled myself off the floor and headed for the bathroom. After a long hot shower with the water scorching my skin, I found an old hoodie that I could hide in for the night before I made my way to Don’s lab.

 He was there, like I knew he would be, staring blankly at his computers, not giving them much attention. I paused and bit my lip. Something in my action tipped off his acute senses. “

Y/n?” He asked, his eyes hopeful and filled with sorrow.

“I showered,” I announced slowly as if the task were more of a feat. 

He gave a soft smile and opened his arms for me. I made my way to him slowly and curled up in his lap. “I know I didn’t help the way I wanted to,” He confessed in a low voice. “M’sorry baby girl,” 

I didn’t speak for some time and I didn’t meet his eyes. 

“Society accepts me.” I began. “You accept me, even I do at times, but...” I shook my head. “They never will.”

 We both went silent at my words, Donnie absentmindedly rubbing my arm again. 

“It’s why I hate science. And will never take a biology class.” My voice was hoarse. “And why I don’t go to the doctors when I’m sick.” I chose my next words carefully. “They put me on trial with false facts. Facts that change over the years... and I’m still found guilty. I’ll never be enough for them.” 

Donnie nodded at my little speech and rocked me gently. “You’ll always be enough for me,” He pulled me closer, “Right where you are. All the hurt and brokenness, it’s enough to me.” 

For the first time in my life, I was enough for someone, just the way I was.

[script-a-world]

Google Form Ask: I'm working on a fantasy set in kind of an alternate earth that has various nation-states representing various cultures, so I have an idea for one to be a Chinese representation, North African/Middle Eastern pre-Islamic rep, Mediterranean (likely Greek) rep, and various European areas. The nation-states are all under the overarching rule of a monarch in the head nation state. Most of the language for the nation-states in my early draft was based on color names in AngloSaxon (which relates to the colors of their standards, etc), but if they're based on these other nations/cultures, would it be appropriate to come up with names for them in the language in which they're based? (ie a Chinese name, an Arabic name, etc) but having all political language be in that AngloSaxon name they were originally given? (i am white so that's really why i want to be sure i'm giving accurate rep here)

Constablewrites: When languages intersect, the powerful set the standards and the powerless adopt and adapt. It’s such an inherently political process that it can provide some valuable insight into the history of your setting.

The origins of English as a bastard language come from the Norman Conquest, when the French ruled England, and their language was the language of court. But the peasants had no reason to learn that language and continued speaking English. It was the noble class (who had to operate in both worlds) and the merchant class (who wanted to live like nobles) who drove the hybridization and the development of Middle English, and the choices of which language to use for what reflected their class concerns.

For instance, the dirty, farty animal tended by the peasants remained a Saxon cow. But slaughtering it and serving it at table was reserved for the gentry, and accordingly at that point it became boeuf (beef).

One language can be imposed on another people from above, like how the ruling class uses their own words for the mechanisms of government. It can also come from below as people aspire to the ruling class. (Think of the dude who uses overly long Latinate words for everything, even when they’re not really accurate, just to show how educated he is.)

The setup you’ve described is inherently colonial: your Anglo-Saxons conquered everyone else, and hung onto that land for long enough that their language took root. (Note that it doesn’t have to be like that in the present. See Spanish in Latin/South America, or English and French in Africa.) Place names would largely still be in the native language, since those don’t naturally evolve in the way that names for people, things, and actions do. How much else survives of the native language depends on your history and politics: if the lower classes had no need to learn the language of the elite and the upper classes didn’t really care how the peasants spoke, that implies the sort of conquest whose attitude was “your taxes go to us now, otherwise just keep doing what you’re doing and try not to riot k thx” and you’d see that in their other policies. If the ruling classes were actively trying to spread their own culture, that would require stamping out the existing way of life and having a much lower tolerance for the native language. Historically, the latter has been much more common. In those sorts of scenarios, perpetuating the native language, even just in personal names, becomes an act of resistance. If you want to see how this plays out, look at the history of indigenous languages--well, basically anywhere, but especially in North America, and also the evolving debate in immigrant communities about given names and what language is spoken in the home.

There’s nothing wrong with creating this kind of setting, but be aware that presenting it in a neutral or positive light makes just as much of a statement as digging into its flaws. If you don’t want to take that on, or if this doesn’t sound like at all what you were going for, you might need to adjust the approach to language accordingly. A creole or pidgin language ([this Quora article] elaborates on the difference) implies two cultures coming together on a more equal footing. You can also rely on the [translation convention], which says that everything is in English except the names not because the world’s English-equivalent is that dominant, but because you’re writing for readers who speak English and you want them to understand. In that case, you’d use other cues to establish how the cultures manifest and interact with each other.

Feral: If I may, I would like to interpret this question as, “I think my story has elements that are problematic, can you help me identify them?” Because the potential issues I see in the small amount of information given in this ask are much more far reaching than “can I use a real life language as the basis for a fantasy language/naming-system?”

Constable has already pointed out various scenarios throughout real history, so I won’t repeat all of that. But I do need to emphasize one thing:

What you’re describing is colonialism. And it is bad. It is, in fact, evil (if evil exists). We shouldn’t have to say this in 2019. It is completely okay to have colonialism in your worldbuilding; it’s a thing that exists in the real world so it can exist in fiction. But here’s the thing: once more, it’s evil. The Anglo-Saxon imperial power you are describing is evil. They have done an evil thing that the real world analogous cultures actually did do and the effects of which are still very very real and felt by the real world cultures you're having your fictional versions subjugate. Which means they can’t be the good guy. If they are, in the context that you are writing in, your worldbuilding is fundamentally racist. And I know from the very fact that you are asking for help that this is the farthest thing from what you want for your world and your story. But if this is the case, then the only thing you can do is raze the world and start again.

Another thing in your ask that jumped out at me is the phrase “pre-Islamic Middle Eastern/North African rep.” I assume you’re going with pre-Islam for one or both of two reasons. 1) This is a “sandals and sorcery” setting that would take place in an analogous time period to pre-Christian and pre-Islam; your reference to Greece being the inspiration for the “Mediterranean” culture makes me think that pretty much all cultures are being referenced in the BCE (which would be between 500 and a thousand years before the Anglo-Saxon invasion of England, so keep that in mind). 2) You’re concerned about representing an Islamic culture sensitively.

Here’s the thing: there’s no such culture as the Middle East, and definitely not Middle East/North Africa, pre-Islam (one can argue that there’s no such thing as the Middle East pre-WW2, but I do not have time for that argument). The spread of Islam is responsible for whatever homogeny there is between the cultures, and even today, there is not one single culture in the Middle East (a political designation, hence the post-WW2) or in North Africa. There are many cultures between the different countries and between the different ethnic groups within the same countries. Arabic would only be an appropriate reference language if your reference is pre-Islam Arabia, not the whole Middle East, because again Arabic spread through Islam – different places have different native languages which are still the common use languages.

It may just be in the limited space you had for the ask, but the way you’ve represented your worldbuilding makes it seem like your inclusion of these other cultures is more of a check-list style, no-can-call-me-racist-because-I-mention-other-cultures-that-are-different-from-mine attempt than an actual desire to have representation.

Moving onto what is not really problematic in your ask but is confusing… I just don’t understand what the whole color thing is about. That’s not how countries are named. Where do these standards come from? Did all the cultures just happen to have single colored standards that they used to identify themselves pre-invasion/colonization? Or did the Anglo-Saxon culture literally conquer the world through the cunning use of flags [video]?

I would check out this Wiki article on the etymology of country names in English. A good example of how English names for countries do come about is in the name for Japan. Japan is the Anglicization of Marco Polo’s Italianicization of the Shanghai accented pronunciation of 日本, “jitpun,” which has been Japan’s name for itself since the end of the 7th century, is pronounced “nippon” or “nihon” there, and means “land of the rising sun.”

Hello Future Me has a fantastic video on how to go about replicating both native placenames and colonial placenames in your worldbuilding.

Finally, as far as your actual question goes, can you use a real language from a culture not your own to name places in your world? I think you need to do a lot of researching and a lot of revisiting your worldbuilding before you can make that call.

Tex: You have an... interesting collage of places listed. Some of them go into more detail than others - I'm curious why you've picked what you did, and to the depth that you've chosen. Given the Ango-Saxon bias I'm picking up on, can I assume that you're basing the head of this government in England/the UK? If so, I'm also curious to know whether this alternate world is the consequence of a diversion point in our own history (e.g. someone lost a war that let the UK steamroller everyone into the Commonwealth), or if previous other world powers are for some reason less effective at consolidating their powers and conquering their neighbors than the UK (I'm going to keep assuming UK for simplicity's sake in my answer, but feel free to plug in whatever works for you).

There is a bit of an issue with your current set-up, assuming real-world, real-history parallels. The most immediate of which is that humans are quite simply very good at organizing themselves into societies as soon as they've got that sedentary lifestyle (i.e. agriculture) down pat, and this can and has happened in every found and currently living human settlement, with rare exceptions. Statistically speaking, empires are an eventuality, especially given the right combination of genetics (De Neve et al, 2013; Li et al., 2012) and circumstances (The Creativity Post; Zhang et al, 2009; Halverston et al., 2004; Hunt et al., 1999) to launch a would-be leader into capably instituting a strict hierarchy with a penchant toward warfare. Please let it be known that expanding borders is typically a bloody process, because other people get upset if you take their things without permission - namely, their land, food, and women.

(I name "land, food, and women" because 1.) land is a place to grow food, bury your dead, and obtain water, 2.) food is necessary to not die, and 3.) women ensure the existence of the next generation and thus perpetuity of your society/ethnicity. These are integral, and missing even one of them can immediately - or very, very quickly - lead to the downfall of your civilization. The rest are frills that build upon these three components.)

The reason why I'm curious as to the places you've picked is because every single one of them has at least established a kingdom, if not an empire of their own. For the practical reasons of warfare, these are difficult governments to topple and replace with your own (particularly if you're culturally distinct from them, but that's a slightly different topic). Wikipedia has multiple lists about empires across the world: List of largest empires, Colonial empire § List of colonial empires, and List of empires. I’m going to toss in List of people known as “the Great”, to round things out.

The issue, from a would-be conqueror's perspective, in attaining governance of these places is their armies and ability to call upon allies due to their accompanying diplomatic prowess. In order to be formidable, you need an army of your own that's capable of overcoming such an obstacle. If you're canny, you can trade some brute strength for things like economic manipulation and various degrees of diplomacy that probably delve into things like assassination (China and Rome were big fans of these methods to one degree or another).

Pick a region and an era, and you'll find someone that's done exactly that in varying ratios at least once. Sun Tzu's The Art of War comments about warfare to degrees of honorability and the effectiveness of the different grades depending on the situation; familiarizing yourself on that book will help you greatly in laying the foundation of how your world came to be, if you haven't already done so. The history of your world will most definitely set the stage for any era coming after it, particularly if you're writing for a post-"unification" era.

Now, nation-states are a relatively new concept, particularly because they're a combination of two distinct ideas - the nation and the state (this might appear a bit obvious, but please bear with me). Nations have existed for ages because they're defined by a homogenous ethnic group congregated in the same general area - they are typically grouped by a shared bloodline and culture.

States are different in that their primary association is in an organized government that may or may not be constrained to a single ethnicity - borders exist here, whereas in nations borders hold a more ephemeral placement (the people are the border, rather than geographical markers or lines on a paper).

As such, states are a newer concept than nations, and tying the two together generally leads to a majority ethnicity that is frequently enforced by genocide in order to maintain status quo (Wikipedia); this is, incidentally, where laws protecting minorities originate from, a subject of which can and often is used as political leverage for a variety of motivations.

I will also note that nations, being ethnically-oriented, have their people as their borders. As you can imagine, history in a few continents has proven that "rights" to land have been attempted by spreading out an ethnic group via practices such as immigration, inter-marriage with other nations, and purchase of land. You can see inhibitory reactions in legislation via things like restrictions on religions (forbidding the practice of certain religions), clothing (forbidding or dictating types of clothing - frequently on both class and gender lines), marriage (enforcement of social classes), and language (forbidding of languages and dictation of a national standard).

What you’re describing is colonialism, and with a check-listing tilt that comes across as disrespectful to the cultures you’ve picked out, but I hesitate to call it “evil” because that ascribes a morality that’s inherently tied to particular cultures. Homogenization has certainly displayed benefits in the form of accessibility:

Ancient Egypt, while not strictly speaking an empire, has a mostly continuous lineage with flourishing arts, social development, and many cities were considered cosmopolitan because of contemporary tourism

The Persian empire had a fantastic postal system because of their extensive network of paved roads

Imperial China saw not only the development of a new language, but also the advancement of literature, philosophy, and physical arts such as architecture, pottery, and painting

The Huns developed trade routes across multiple continents which benefited not only goods but intellectual progress

Alexander the Great brought along an entourage of intellectuals and artisans to assemble a compendium of knowledge across his empire that was disseminated as far as possible

The Romans achieved many things - not least their advances in architecture and literature

The Mughal Empire in India was a world leader in manufacturing during its time, and many artworks during its time are considered cultural classics

The Byzantine and Holy Roman Empires both unified large swathes of Europe and other regions of the world

So while colonialism in its many forms does function as an eradication of culture, it also has a tendency to promote stability, relative peace due to a common background, and a marked increase in literacy and the arts - culture, in other words, becomes more intricate because there’s now an opportunity to do so.

Unfortunately for many would-be colonizers, this works best with respect toward the original inhabitants of a land, because otherwise it just devolves into more war. These wars, because they’re culturally- and ethnically-based, are often bloodier than ones fought specifically over resources, because trade negotiations cannot be offered as a common ground where lasting peace can be found.

In order to not have a dissolution of empire like was found when Alexander the Great died, common ground must be found as a unifying factor - genocide doesn’t endear you to anyone, and fosters resentment that’s taken advantage of whenever bureaucracy at the top of the chain fractures. For your instance, the colour names likely won’t work, because it’s imposing a cultural norm that might not match up with the sub-administrations, and it comes across as a patronizing pacification to suggest merely translating it.

“i am white so that's really why i want to be sure i'm giving accurate rep here” - This, combined with your broad strokes of stereotyping, is the checklisting that Feral mentioned. Checklisting is inherently disrespectful to the source cultures, and you would be better off removing them entirely if you find yourself struggling too much with including them as equal in terms of cultural richness and longevity of existence (and for the most part, the ones you’ve skimmed over in your list are older than the UK, so it currently says unkind things of your perception).

Citations

De Neve, Jan-Emmanuel et al. “Born to Lead? A Twin Design and Genetic Association Study of Leadership Role Occupancy.” The leadership quarterly vol. 24,1 (2013): 45-60. doi:10.1016/j.leaqua.2012.08.001

PDF - Halverson, S. K., Murphy, S. E., & Riggio, R. E. (2004). Charismatic Leadership in Crisis Situations: A Laboratory Investigation of Stress and Crisis. Small Group Research, 35(5), 495–514. https://doi.org/10.1177/1046496404264178

PDF - Hunt, James G., Kimberly B. Boal, and George E. Dodge. "The effects of visionary and crisis-responsive charisma on followers: An experimental examination of two kinds of charismatic leadership." The Leadership Quarterly 10.3 (1999): 423-448.

Li, Wen-Dong, et al. "Do leadership role occupancy and transformational leadership share the same genetic and environmental influences?." The Leadership Quarterly 23.2 (2012): 233-243.

Zhang, Z., Ilies, R., & Arvey, R. D. Beyond genetic explanations for leadership: The moderating role of the social environment. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 110(2), (2009): 118-128.

[nightmare-hennessy]

as if a second self

pairing: adam parrish/ronan lynch

summary: three times ronan says i love you and one time adam says it back

read on ao3

chapter 1: the first time

The first time it happened, it took Adam completely by surprise. 

It was one of the days between Christmas and New Year's — Adam honestly couldn't tell which one. He'd lost track of time completely ever since Christmas break began and he didn't have to scribble the date at the top right corner of the sheet of paper he used to write his notes on during Latin class. 

It was a relief, honestly. Finally, Adam didn't have to pull his thoughts away from Ronan, Ronan, Ronan every five minutes to instead focus on whatever subject at hand. 

Everything was so quiet; so still. Mornings started with late breakfasts turning into early lunches and ended with crappy movies playing on tv while nobody paid any attention to them. At night, they made a habit of sitting on one of the barn's roof, fireflies swarming around their heads while they stared up at the stars.

The Barns had quickly made it to the list of Adam's favorite places. Granted, that list was short. It consisted of Cabeswater (which didn't exist anymore) and, well, the main barn at Singer's Falls.

It wasn't so much the Barns themselves with their cozy rooms and lovely roofs to spend warmer nights on, or all the food cooked from fresh vegetables from dream plants that grew all year round, or the collection of knick-knacks on the shelves that Adam loved every single useless piece of, but Ronan. This was Ronan's home and Ronan had become Adam's home.

Over the past weeks, Adam had become gradually happier and happier. Even though most times, he still woke up on his mattress above St. Agnes church (it really was better to spend the nights away from Ronan during school time, otherwise there would be no studying happening — ever), feeling paralyzed for a moment of guilt because he turned on his family; of shame because now that Cabeswater was no longer, he was nothing more than Adam Parrish with the second-hand school uniform; of knowing that for everything he wanted, he would have to work twice as hard, there was always this little sun burning just left off center in his chest. It warmed the doubt that being happy meant only for everything to crash down again at one point away.

Now, Adam felt warm.

Now, Adam was stretched out on the couch in the living room of the main barn he'd fallen asleep on after lunch. He'd done nothing but eat today, and it felt great. He felt great. 

Except he didn't.

The warm feeling he thought originated from the content feeling in his chest turned out to be the heat coming from the fireplace as well as the person lying behind him with their arms wrapped tightly around him. Yes, it was cozily warm at first, but soon after appreciating that, there were beads of sweat forming on Adam's forehead and he wished for a window to be open.

Ronan's breath was hot against his neck, not really helping the situation. Adam tried to bring distance between them, but he didn't want to wake Ronan up. Ronan definitely slept more than usual nowadays, but he still had long, insomniac nights that he usually spent tinkering around the Barns or on the phone with Gansey. So instead, Adam started wiggling his feet, attempting to strip his socks off without using his hands. It was more difficult than expected.

"What the fuck're you doing, Parrish?" Ronan's voice was muffled against Adam's neck. Automatically — he always did this when he sensed the danger of Adam moving away from him — he wrapped his arms tighter around Adam's torso, refusing to let go. The first moments after waking up were always his most vulnerable. That was when he didn't yet have time to build his walls up for the day.

"I'm warm," Adam whined because slowly but surely, he felt like he was melting — and not in the good way like when he sat on the kitchen counter and watched Ronan, usually without a shirt on, fry bacon and eggs in the pan for breakfast, eyebrows furrowed as if it took all his concentration.

"Mhm," Ronan made, still muffled, "You could always take your shirt off, you know."

Adam made a pff sound. "Unfortunately, I can not, as I have someone's chest glued to my back."

Adam felt Ronan's hands slide all the way down his chest and over his stomach. Despite the heat in the room, he felt goosebumps creeping up his arms. He stilled against Ronan's chest, waiting. Waiting for him to skim his hands under the hem of his shirt, waiting for another snarky remark before lips found one another.

Nothing of that.

But a push.

Adam didn't have time to react or catch up on what was happening because it was happening way too fast. First, Ronan's arms around him loosened up completely, then one of his hands disappeared from where it was traveling toward less innocent regions, and then — 

And then he pushed Adam off the couch. With a fucking chuckle.

If Adam hadn't been pushed and shoved his whole entire life, he'd probably hit the ground with his face instead of reflexively jutting his arms out and catching himself — more or less. He still landed with an inelegant thump.

"Bastard!"

Ronan's chuckle evolved into a full on barking laugh.

"Asshole," Adam muttered but couldn't help the quirk of his mouth. He scrambled to get up, but was shut down almost immediately by Ronan rolling off the sofa as well. He did a far better job at catching himself — probably because he wasn't caught off guard — and now sort of hovered over Adam in a pose resembling a finished push up.

"Say that again, will you," Ronan said close to his ear.

Adam's eyes fluttered shut and his mouth finally formed a smile; the seeable equivalent of the sun shining so bright in his chest. "You're an asshole, Lynch."

Ronan started pinching his sides.

There was a lot of scrambling and more playful shoving and wrestling on the ground. Adam pulled Ronan out of his plank and managed to roll him over, so now they were both laying on the wooden floor. They were both laughing, giggling. It was ridiculous.

Eventually, Adam hitched a leg up and pushed all of his weight against Ronan, so he rolled onto his back and Adam straddled his hips. For a moment, Adam saw the surprise in Ronan's eyes. He was always taken aback at how physically strong Adam could be when the situation called for it.

Adam liked that look of surprise. 

He liked it a lot. 

So he decided to do him one better.

In a quick, swift motion, Adam grabbed Ronan's wrists and pinned them to the ground above his head. It was very easy. Mostly because Ronan didn't see it coming, but also because when he caught on, he didn't fight it. 

Adam's face was now close to Ronan's.

Ronan, without breaking eye contact with Adam, wiggled his hands a couple of times. Adam knew he could do better; Adam knew Ronan liked this.

Nonetheless, Adam grinned. "I'm stronger than you."

"I wouldn't hold my breath for that," Ronan said before lifting his head up from the floor to capture Adam's lips in a kiss. 

It was a strange paradox Adam couldn't seem to understand; how he felt so still around Ronan, but his heart was still thundering in his chest. He was at peace, felt safe, but simultaneously, he felt a strange thrill as if he was committing a sweet but dangerous crime. Adam didn't think he would ever figure out how that could be.

With the distraction of the kiss, Ronan wiggled his hands again, causing Adam's grip to loosen. He didn't do much more though because, again, Adam knew he actually liked it.

Adam felt Ronan's breathing hitch when he brushed one of his thumbs over the other boy's palm, down to the wrist. His fingers caught on the string of leather bands Ronan always wore.

Adam knew what they were hiding.

He skimmed his fingers over them, but then he felt a strange sort of urge. He broke the kiss and opened his eyes to watch his index and middle finger slipping underneath the bracelets. 

Ronan held his breath.

Adam felt the raised skin of the scars. He knew they were there. He'd seen them before. He understood this about Ronan. He didn't expect for this to be the most intimate touch they would ever share, but yet it was.

Adam's fingers were still trapped against Ronan's wrist when he looked back down. Ronan's eyes were all pupils with a thin, bright blue ring around them. There was no surprise in them now, no bewilderment or uncertainty.

"I love you."

If Adam hadn't seen Ronan's lips form the words, he would have started and looked over his shoulder to see if someone had entered the room. But he did see, and he did hear, and there was no place for misunderstanding.

As his immediate reaction, a thousand thoughts came to mind at once, none of them fully formed.

Adam hadn't expected it. He hadn't even thought about it. Which was probably stupid. He should have thought about it, he should have been freaking out about this ever since he noticed the looks Ronan gave him and the looks he was giving in return.

Truth was, Adam never expected to ever hear these words. From anyone.

All of his life, he'd been called a burden, an unfortunance; had been told no, had been told It's not gonna be you, Adam; had been pushed, had been shoved, had been hit, hit, hit.

Ronan's lips were still slightly parted, that last word still lingering on them. You. You, you, you. You, Adam.

Adam watched him swallow, watched him hold on to the certainty in his eyes, watched him not regret the words.

Adam had never believed in being at a loss for words. He'd always trusted that if one had enough wits, there'd always be the right words at hand. But now there was a lump in his throat — or maybe it was just his heart — and he couldn't speak. Even if he wanted to, even if all his wits hadn't just spontaneously left him, he wouldn't be able to get any words out.

There was not a trace of disappointment on Ronan's face.

Of course, Adam's brain told him to look deeper into it, to doubt it, to dig until he found the hurt expression because he physically wasn't able to say the words back. His brain instructed him to scramble back, get up from where he was sitting on top of Ronan, get out of the house and give Ronan a reason to finally wake up and realize that it couldn't be him. It was never going to be him.

Ronan shimmied his hands until they were free of Adam's. 

Adam's stomach sank and sank and sank and his heart rose and rose and rose until it was pressing against the lump in his throat so hard, he felt like he was going to throw up.

Then Ronan's hands were on his face, pulling him closer. They were kissing again, and it was the warmth and familiarity of that kiss, and the harsh brush of the leather bracelets against Adam's jaw, that muffled the doubt. 

Adam's heart pushed past the lump in his throat as he deepened the kiss. There was no space for words anymore, but he still tried to match Ronan's gesture. Adam didn't think he really believed Ronan, or at least, he didn't understand it. Why would anyone love Adam Parrish?

"I get it," Ronan spoke into his mouth. At first, Adam wasn't sure if he'd actually spoken or if it was another one of those instances where he could hear what Ronan wasn't saying. But he'd felt his lips forming the words.

I get it. 

The words had flavor. They exploded with their meaning. Adam didn't have to look deeper into them to understand it. I get it. I get you. I know you, Adam.

There was hesitation, of course there was, and Adam felt silly for it — Hadn't he been through enough with Ronan? Hadn't he been sure about all of this? — but he finally met Ronan's eyes again. They were still all pupil.

He was sure about all this. There was no doubt about it.

"I know you," Ronan said, and those words felt almost as charged as the ones that scared Adam. There was a pause, but not a long one, before Ronan added, "Like a second self."

Adam kissed him again.

chapter 2

[hail-langdvn]

Endearingly Embarrassing

Summary: (Y/N)’s pet names embarrasses Michael too much.

Warning(s): maybe a little angst?, fluff, young!warlock!michael (AU), witch!fem!reader, silent treatment

Word count: 1.1k

gif is not mine, credits to owner

(Y/N) loved calling Michael a lot sweet things-   honey, sugar, sweetheart, darling     if it was relative to sweet, she was definitely calling him it. Michael didn’t mind either, when it came out of her mouth it dripped out so smoothly like melted chocolates, but there was a time and place for these pet names and in class wasn’t one of them. 

Michael and (Y/N)’s classes were right next to one another and after the lesson he would wait for her outside of the door. Any other day would’ve been acceptable, except -- today Michael had a terrible day in class after he got in trouble for doing more than what was asked, per usual. Today Michael was extremely upset that the teachers were trying to stump him growth and slow down for the delinquents of warlocks that filled the room with him. The whole class was dismissed and usually Michael was first out, so eager to see (Y/N) and tell her about the previous class, so when she stepped out of class she was confused to not find Michael waiting for her. Instead, her curly-haired blonde was last out with an attitude she could sense from the hallway near the stairs.

“Is everything alright, honey?” (Y/N) ask as he stomps toward her. Michael was never one to accept a scolding, he was like a toddler who couldn’t take no for an answer. He nods, leading her down the stairs and into the dining room for lunch. she decided to leave it at that until she felt himself cooling down. When the moment came down to him talking up a storm with one of the level one warlocks about a test they had a while ago, (Y/N) chose to pipe in.

“Well did you reread the page from last week?” The level-two warlock asked Michael. “Mr. Behold said your Latin was super off.”

Before Michael could answer, (Y/N) cuts in and look at him shocked, “Sugarplum, I thought you said you mastered Latin!” In her defense, she did offer to help him with his pronunciations one night but he declined saying he had it down packed. Michael’s classmates surrounding the two laugh at what she said like it was something so absurd. “What did she call you?” A boy at the end of the table asks. Michael’s cheeks grow red, clearly embarrassed. He attempts to play it off and swing it to another conversation, completely ignoring her. A frown plasters on her faces, only picking at her food, not in the mood to eat anymore. 

After lunch was study hall for an hour, followed by another class. Usually, (Y/N) and Michael would take this time to practice spells above their levels with books found in the depths of the study, but at the moment Michael was doing his own thing and (Y/N) trailed behind him like a lost puppy. Until she grabbed his wrist to stop him in a secluded section of the academy. “Honey bunches, did something happen?” She seemed genuinely concerned, blatantly still oblivious to his prior embarrassment.

“Yes,” he snaps, ripping his arm away from his grip. “stop calling me those dreadful pet names. What are we? Middle schoolers?” (Y/N) was take aback by his sudden outburst. Before she could register her sadness, Michael was gone in an instantly and she was left alone in the western hallway. 

(Y/N) dragged her feet all the way to the study, taking a seat on one of the open tables. A huge frown played on her face and a small tear escapes her eye. She wasn’t a very sensitive person but it did hurt her that her sweet little nicknames she gave Michael was “dreadful.” He means so much to her, why not show it when she spoke? 

The hour seemed to zoom by so fast and she didn’t want to attend her next class, but that was normal, Ms. Myrtle was always so boring with her lectures. (Y/N) and a few other witches would ask how her sense of style could be so interesting, yet, she couldn’t influence that in her lectures. Mallory found her walking out the library, carrying a whole separate demeanor from her normal bubbly persona. 

“Do you think the things I call Michael are like what a middle schooler would call their boyfriends?” She asked as the two stepped down the stairs to the entry room, set up for classes. Mallory looks at her confused and shakes her head. “Not at all. Why?” 

“Nothing, I just think it might sound a bit off.” (Y/N) dismisses, focusing on the lesson before her. Maybe it was just another bad day. She thought to herself to have a peace of mind. 

In the following couple of days, Michael plainly ignores her, maybe still on the name thing. If it bothered him that much, then why did he never bring it up? Who knew. She didn’t enjoy the silent treatment for practically nothing but why should she say a thing first? Good thing Michael eventually felt bad for giving her a cold shoulder for calling him something she’d called him long before they became official. 

Catching her after class, Michael gives her a warm, apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.” She just gives him a big smile and wraps her arms around his body, squeezing him in one of the hugs he loved so much. 

Almost everything was alright. Almost. (Y/N) couldn’t shake the thought of him hating her pet names. Michael did also specify that he didn’t want her to call him that anymore, so, she chose to stick to the first name thing. At first he didn’t notice the first few times. But the whole first name thing sounded so foreign in her angelic voice and he picked it up a day later.  They were sitting in their spot looking over something called Tempus Infinituum, letting their curiosity take control.

“We should try it.” He half-jokes as (Y/N) inspects the whole page. 

“Definitely not.” She giggles, reading further into it. “Michael, there’s never been a witch to successful do it.”

“Well, then let’s be the firsts!” She laughs again while shaking her head. 

“No, Michael.” (Y/N) says his name so fluently--- obviously, still insecure about the sugarplum, honey bunches thing. Michael’s face scrunches up at the sound of his love calling him anything other than her designated pet names for him. “What?” She tilts her head, inspecting his odd mechanisms.

 “You keep calling me Michael.” He points out to her causing her to contort her face with more fluster. 

“Because it’s your,” she pause for a second, “name? Clearly you didn’t like me sugarplum, so I just assumed...”

“I don’t like it. Can I take it back?” Michael offers the cutest pout ever to persuade her a little further. (Y/N) instantly giggles, peppering his right cheek kisses. “I can’t believe the Michael Langdon enjoys me calling him 'sugarplum’ and ‘honey!’” A radiant grin spreads across his sweet face as she mutters in his ear, “You can act all hard around the boys, honey bear, but I know your real secret.” 

[blankdblank]

Anaticula Pt 3

Pt 1 - Pt 2  — Let me know what you think :D

- More drama. Fixing some old wounds. -

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@theincaprincess, @inhabitant-of-the-void, @emrfangirl

…

“Just breathe.” With a giggle you peered around your dressing curtain asking George, “You trying to tell me that or yourself?”

He gave you a playful glare when he peeked out from behind his curtain smoothing his sweater on over his sides as Fred popped his head out to confirm the grey color they had chosen once again. “Bit of both.”

George smirked then he popped out of his curtain at your pained whimper in trying to lift your own silver long hanging sweater, softly he asked, “Jaqi?”

Your hand shifted the curtain allowing him inside exposing the bruises over your back and sides, “Can’t raise my arms over my head.”

When Fred slipped in beside him they righted your sweater in their hands and helped to ease it over your head allowing you to just snake your arms through. Carefully they smoothed the knit sweater over your hips and upper thighs on your skinny black jeans as you tied the string securing the dip in the cleavage to cover it fully then smiled up at the boys who chuckled choosing your golden long socks to pull over your jeans for under your grey boots. The pair of them smirked ruffling your hair in their path back to their curtains to grab their golden socks and worn boots similar but shorter than yours.

Across from you Cedric came out proudly in a baggy yellow sweater clearly belonging to his father over his equally as baggy jeans and new black boots. With a giggle to yourself you pulled your hair back into a tall ponytail leaving your bangs across your face while you shouldered your satchels filled with your books and supplies you slung your robes over then joined the sea of hungry students. Among those being the scattered fifth years and higher with later starting classes still in their pajamas yawning and using their younger classmates for moments of support.

Down in the dim halls you peered around until you spotted the first of the irritated Slytherin students coated in bright pink glitter instantly making your lips curl into your mouth trying to keep from giggling as more and more appeared. Until Percy, with an equally as painful looking bruise on his cheek, spotted you and wove through the Hufflepuffs with a gentle dusting of glitter falling off his shoulders.

With a smirk he leaned in asking in latin, “Your ribs hurt as much as mine?”

You nodded and smirked back, “You, um, stole something from our bags?”

He chuckled, “You have your revenge, I have mine. I sneak a few things here and there and they believe the Hufflepuffs are getting an early start on the war.”

Shaking your head you glanced down reaching into your bag to pass him a pink toffee making him smirk and leave your side when you entered the crowded main hall to meet up with another of his friends popping the toffee in his mouth making the glitter instantly turn to bright pink birds and fly off to the rafters above. Fred chuckled saying, “Never thought I’d see Percy with a bruise.”

George grinned, “Never been prouder.” Making you roll your eyes as they chuckled around you. Through the entrance of the Great Hall you passed and instantly felt eyes on you as Charlie shouted out, “Jaqi!”

He hopped over the banister and wove through the crowd of angry Slytherins to your side gently cupping your chin with Bill stumbling after him, both inspecting your cheeks and neck, asking what happened as the other students filed around you towards the food. Weakly you chuckled moving their hands from your chin and answered, “Got into an argument with a few of my cousins. Got kicked out of Slytherin.”

Aside from their concern they both grinned as Bill asked, “You, you got kicked out?”

Charlie chuckled, “You’re a Puff now?”

You nodded and Bill glanced around, “What happened to Perce?”

George, “He’s got some bruises too.”

Fred nodded as their brows inched up and Charlie purred looking you over in your walk to breakfast, “Way to go Perce.”

The pair followed after you and their brothers peering at the boy inching closer to your side chatting away about how excited he was to sit for your first class. “So, History of Magic, then a free period since Slytherin and Gryffindor’s slot is today, meaning tomorrow we have our first Herbology class. Then double D.A, then Transfiguration, Then another free period with Flying tomorrow, lunch and then we’re free till Potions at five with Charms at 6 then supper and then it’s our curfew for the common rooms, at least until Wednesday for Astronomy at midnight.”

Charlie leaned over, “Excited a bit?”

Cedric nodded, “I can’t wait to see what our first lessons will be!”

Bill chuckled then patted your back gently saying, “Then stick close to the triplets here, they love study groups.”

Cedric nodded, “Kind of hard not to, we’re roommates.”

Charlie froze looking him over until Bill tugged him to the table mumbling, “Remember, Tonks told us bout her male roommates first year?” He leaned in closer adding, “Don’t go killing the first year.”

Charlie sighed then moved to their table, making sure to sit right behind you after passing you his schedule remembering you’d always loved to see what he had planned.

Lowly you read, “Charms, Magical Creatures, Double Potions, two free, lunch, another free, Transfigurations, double D.A, two free, supper, Ancient Runes, History of Magic, curfew till Astronomy with us. Hmm.” You turned passing it back to him, “Bit light, huh?”

He smirked back at you, “I’m also in quidditch and on the paper, plus choir, thanks to Mum with extra assignments with Professor Kettleburn so I can be his aid.”

Bill rolled his eyes, “Had he not lost his thumb last year I doubt he’d have let you help at all.”

Charlie rolled his eyes, “I will have you know he could give me a glowing recommendation for my dragon training.”

Bill chuckled, “Oh yes, the big plan. Run off to live with dragons.” He leaned in again, “When there’s already one at home.”

Charlie nudged him back then passed you his schedule with a couple more courses but none too challenging. “Least I’m not going to coast in my final year.”

Bill, “Mum said I had to attend, didn’t say I had to pass my notes. Besides, I already have that offer for that spot on the treasure crew.” He chuckled taking his schedule back before you all peered up at the calling owls followed after a familiar eager owl sank eagerly to pass off the red howler in its talons. Softly you mumbled, “Oh shit.” Making Bill and Charlie turn on the bench in time to reach out catching you as the owl crashed into your chest nearly knocking you off the bench.

Carefully you got the howler from its grip making the Weasleys group around you grinning to hear what the letter said while you raised a shield around you feeling all the eyes of the room shifting to you at the seal breaking making it morph into a floating red mouth.

Clearly Sirius’ voice rang out, “First off, Well done on that hook and eye jab! Just how I showed you!”

Remus cut in, “You’re not supposed to be encouraging her.”

Regulus chuckled, “Oh like you two didn’t do worse.”

Steadily your hair and eyes crept to a bright yellow making people whisper about your morphing making Tonk’s head tilt looking you over as your knuckles curled over your lips when Sirius added, “Anyways, you should have seen the look on that little slug’s face! And his father! Well done Pumpkin! And do give Percy a congratulatory pat on the back for me, hope he digs it in through the year.”

Regulus, “Oh, we should warn you Flint and the Crabbes got expelled, so, well that’s half their quidditch team right there.”

Remus, “Honestly-!”

Sirius, “Oh pssh, I’m so excited, I saw some stuffies out in Hortil’s on Diagon Alley couple days back, guess who is getting a Badger stuffy! Ah, finally a Hufflepuff to complete the set!”

You couldn’t help but smirk as Regulus mumbled, “Isn’t Tonks a Puff?”

Sirius, “Is she? Well if she is tell her to write home to her Mum, we might see if they want to join us for the Holidays. Either way, ask her. I’m so excited, I do hope you’re not in any pain, if you can try to pop home tonight so I can give you the stuffie and a hug and we can all trade stories on it all. Love you Pumpkin.”

Regulus, “Enjoy class Love.”

Remus, “And don’t forget your scarf.” The brothers chuckled as the letter tore itself up leaving the Weasleys to chuckle and hug you as you rubbed your forehead dropping the shield and stroked your owls head on your lap until it hopped off your lap onto the ground to fly out of the hall freeing you to eat. Turning your eyes you caught Tonk’s brow rising making you flash a grin at her when your hair and eyes shifted back to normal to say, “Dad wanted me to ask you to see if you and your parents wanted to come along for the holidays.”

She nodded saying, “I’ll let them know”, and then narrowed her eyes at you quizzically when you turned to chat with Cedric again raising your hand to your glass goblet after a glance at the drink options.

Seeing as the orange juice was far out of your reach you smoothed your finger around the rim of the glass making the liquid in the pitcher in front of Tonks swirl parting her lips in her glance between that and the swirl of juice coming as if from out the space under your palm. Lowering your finger to slide along the inside of the glass you circled it then broke the spell when the cool liquid reached your finger. With a pop from your lips you claimed the drops off your finger then lowered your hand to claim a sip of the juice as your other hand made a stack of pancakes float to your plate beside the eggs George set on it beside the bacon Fred had added before serving themselves.

A tangle of arms had you all coating your toast with various spreads making girls from all of the tables choosing smaller servings glare jealously as Charlie turned around, “Oi,” you turned then spotted the mini cinnamon roll he offered to you making you let out a gasp.

George, “Why don’t we have those?”

Tonks called out, “We get crescent rolls.”

Fred huffed watching as Charlie grinned seeing you pop the roll in your mouth then suck the icing off your fingers in your turn after a muffled thanks while Bill floated another four over for his brothers then said, “Percy’s got Jelly filled donuts if you want those. But you gotta trade your oranges.” He said while chucking an orange at Percy that he caught blindly while reading through his sending back a pair of jelly filled donuts. “And Lila, over in Ravenclaw adores scones and will trade for pigs in a blanket.” He said as Oliver Wood floated his own trade with the giggling blonde blushing at having a moment of his attention.

With a giggle you turned back to your food to start dissecting your plate enjoying that even with competition between houses you at least called truces over food. And the more you giggled and chatted with your new housemates the more the teachers relaxed at the vast change in you from the night before.

… History of Magic …

Around you the crowd split into different directions with you between your friends, all pulling on your black robes reaching to your knees. At the door of your first class you spotted Professor Binns, the ghostly stoic figure dubbed as terribly dull and near impossible to learn from for most students hoping for an easy class. His eyes scanning over yet another round of new faces until his eyes landed on you forming a long since exposed smile as he coolly spoke, “Jewelia Evans. It has been such a long time.”

He watched your smile grow as you giggled then said, “I’m actually her daughter, Jaqi.”

He nodded and chuckled himself, “All the same, so lovely to have a familiar face.”

You nodded and joined the twins inside taking advantage of the long tables to sit with Cedric in the second row near the end with a good view of the board, setting your notebooks out as you uncapped your undrying pen Remus had gifted you for a school celebration. As per his suggestion you set out a legal pad with an enchanted quill to copy down word for word what Professor Binns would say, to be sorted properly into columns on the notebook by hand, a trick learned from your mother via Remus.

By classes end you and the twins had been the only one to answer the questions he asked sparking stunned expressions on his assistant’s face as well as your dozing and lost classmates while Cedric had focused entirely on learning your sorting system for the notes for himself peering over your left arm biting his lip in his focus.

..

With your free class you joined the guys to the third floor where your head tilted looking at the blank wall outside the Room of Requirement making the twins pause and ask, “What?”

“There’s something in there.”

Cedric eyed the wall, “In where?”

Fred grinned as George stated, “It’s a magic school Cedric. Magic doors are a given.”

Fred nodded as you said, “It would have to be a place to hide something.” After consulting your map on the secrets to the door, you and the twins guided Cedric in pacing as you thought of a place to hide something making him freeze and gawk up at the door that appeared.

The cramped and crowded room grew around you as you led the way until an odd mannequin’s head held a bird and sapphire coated tiara. “Huh.”

George pointed at it, “Isn’t that-,”

Fred nodded, “Looks like.”

You raised your hand counting on your fingers, “Slytherin’s locket, his ring, Ravenclaw’s diadem.”

Cedric scratched his head, “I’m a bit confused…”

You glanced over at him forcing a smile, “It’s sort of a scavenger hunt with my uncle. Finding lost historical items.”

He nodded watching as George zapped it back to your house to join the others while Fred clapped his hands saying, “Now that we’ve found that. Off to studying.”

The room rippled and morphed into a room with tables coated in snacks, tea and comfy cushions around a large wooden block. On the cushions you set out your notes and shared the tricks secrets with Cedric and helped him fill out his own notebook and grin seeing how simple it was aiding his hope that he would pass the class.

A chirp from your bag made you pull out a pocket watch making you stand along with the others, “Ooh, can’t be late.”

.

Defense Against the Dark Arts came next with Alastor before Minerva in Transfiguration leading to another free period. At the end of her class however you were called up front making you smile up at her while she asked, “Are you in pain?” Her eyes lingering on the fading bruise still lingering around your neck.

You shrugged, “Little bit. Nothing too terrible.”

She nodded then stated, “Well, your detention has been lowered to something, troublesome for you to bear. Seeing as most of the Slytherin house were given detention as well. Percy is forced to help Mr Wood in prepping the quidditch equipment for the season, and you, are aiding Professor Flitwick in his Frog Choir.” Your lips parted, “I know you do not like singing in public, however, over scrubbing the treasure room this would be far more punishing for your resorting to violence.” You nodded again, “I believe Charlie could show you to the practice hall at ten.”

When the students started to file in for another class you headed out to your common room. Though along the way Cedric got distracted and joined another group of Hufflepuffs calling out to him as your head turned guiding you towards an empty hall to double check if what you imagined you had heard was true. Behind you the twins followed as you heard a hissing through the walls, “Drip, drip, drop, drop, wet and cold far from the top.”

Furrowing your brows you turned and opened the door on your right only to spot Professor Vector writing an Arithmacy formula on the board making you smile and say, “Apologies, wrong turn.”

She nodded and said, “Not a problem.” You backed out the door and closed it again and turned your head following the hall until it turned again straining to hear that voice again.

George, “Not, um, not that I don’t love exploring-,”

Fred, “But, what are we chasing?”

George, “You are chasing something?”

You paused and fumbled through your bag guiding the guys into an empty store room unfolding one of the maps you had been given, “I heard, it sounded like a snake.”

They both grinned and joined you in whispering, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

Rapidly the map unfolded and you saw the room you were in and you retraced the hall seeing a nameless banner passing through the walls until it vanished all together. “Hmm.”

George, “Ghost snake?”

Fred, “What did it say?”

“Drip, drip, drop, drop, wet and cold far from the top.”

George, “Sounds like, a song?”

Fred, “Far from the top. So, dungeons?”

You nodded and then mumbled, “Maybe my ancestor might know what it is.”

Both, “No one gets him to talk.”

You smirked and scanned over the map for his portrait mumbling, “Maybe they never tried Parseltongue.”

They both grinned as you folded the map leading the way, “Wicked.”

.

Five floors up you halted in a confusing maze of turns before another ghost, Sir Nicholas, crossed your path, quizzically he looked the twins over then smiled at you, “Jewelia,” his smile dipped, “Not, Evans, no, her daughter,”

“Jaqi.”

He nodded, “Yes.” He glanced around then asked, “Why are you up here? No one comes up here, not to this tower.” His eyes shifted to the hall on the far end giving you a hint as to where the portrait was.

“I had a question for Salazaar Slytherin.”

He nodded, “Ah.”

Fred and George blurted out, “Wanted to ask if there’s such a thing as ghost snakes.”

Sir Nicholas raised a brow while Fred said, “Bill said no.”

George, “Charlie didn’t really care.”

Both, “But we’ve five knuts on it.”

The ghost nodded and he stated, “I am not certain how helpful he will be. Not since he turned his chair round. But, you are welcome to try.” He gestured his arm towards another hall making you wonder what he was so concerned about you finding in that other hall. “Two rights and he’ll be the only one on the end.”

You three nodded and thanked him, glancing back confirming he had floated off out of sight leaving you to follow his directions until you found a wing backed chair in a portrait with a book and a propped up foot visible. The twins nudged your arms gently and you wet your lips saying in Parseltongue, “Great Grandfather?”

Promptly the book closed and the foot retreated as he hissed back, “If you are the spawn of that infernal half-,” His words died as he stood on his feet facing you completely with lips parted on the tall bald man with a long silver beard over his long robe, “What is your name child?”

“Jaqiearae Suzsieanne Anistasiea Pluto Black.”

He nodded and grinned proudly, “Ahh, the Black Line. One of my far nobler descendents.” His hand motioned to the side and the portrait swung open, “I trust you will treat her fairer than that disgusting Half Blood who deemed himself worthy of her.”

Softly you asked, “Her?”

He smiled wider, “My Basilisk.”

Holding back your shock you forced a smile then led the twins through the door and down a set of stairs while the portrait closed behind you. Nearing the middle Fred asked, “Is this-?”

You nodded, “The Chamber of Secrets.”

Together you all mumbled, “Wicked.”

George, “So, did he know what you heard was?”

“I didn’t ask. But, he did tell me what’s down here.” They glanced at you, “A Basilisk.”

Both, “Hmm.”

Slowly you led them through the slime coated halls now being scrubbed with a wave of your wand you drew from the sheath clipped onto the strap on your bag. After that were a series of dingy but ornately designed offices lit by magically sparked roaring fireplaces and lanterns along the walls making the twins saying, “Perfect.”

You giggled saying as you inspected the supplies on the tables and shelves, “Well, not all of this is spoiled. And this makes a nice workshop.”

Turning around you eyed the journals, all dated, with a wiggle of your fingers the oldest rested on your palms and flipped open revealing Slytherin’s inner most thoughts until the final entry on the creature he had left. With a sigh you set it back and grabbed the next nameless book you opened revealing the process of creating a basilisk and the way he moved her here, carrying her in a sack.

George said peeking over your shoulder, “Can’t exactly put her in a sack.”

Fred, “She’s got to be huge by now.”

The book only had ten pages of information making you close it and sigh again. In the silence George said, “Wasn’t there that free will spell in your book?”

You caught his eye, “For those trapped in an endless curse!” Clapping your hands you held them together then held your palms out summoning your draconic book that flipped straight to the page you needed, “Simple enough.”

Eagerly you left the book floating to inspect the ingredients in the room you added to the old cauldron left out on the counter. You it mixed together following the recipe diligently before funneling it into a vial you capped and pocketed, leaving your bags on the couch in front of the roaring fire you passed through the door into the hall towards the hissing song echoing in the tunnels.

A large circular door with snakes on it halted you until you spoke some random words and the door opened freeing the echoes. Wetting your lips you climbed through the door leading the twins onto the straight walkway towards Salazaar’s head closing your eyes as you whispered, “Please come out.”

The song fell silent before the voice called back, “Go away! Death awaits you here!”

“I am the heir of Salazaar-,”

“I have heard those words before! I refused and that boy cursed me! Leave or perish! I will not kill again unless forced to!”

“I am not leaving! These are my Chambers now!”

The sliding of the stone mouth opening made the twins huddle closer to you in your blind fear hearing the water shifting and scales scraping across the marble floors for her to coil and rise up in front of you with a challenging hiss, “I will not do your bidding!” Lowering her head her lip curled up in an angry snarl.

“And I would not ask you to harm anyone, ever.” Her head tilted as you brushed your bangs from your face revealing your scar making her glance at the reflection of the similar scar on the side of her head from the curse making her kill the last time, “I give you my word I will not hurt you. In fact, I have something that will assure none can use you as a weapon again.”

“There is no such trinket.”

“Not a trinket.” You slowly revealed the vial in your pocket and raised it up, “Old magic.”

“Why should I trust you?”

You shrugged, “I am certain my relatives have given you no reason to trust people. But from one weapon to another, I offer a peace between us. I give you the ability to control your power and perhaps I could take a few measurements, a sample of your venom perhaps. You are the only of your kind to be discovered past hatching. There is so much we could learn from one another.”

After a painfully long pause she said, “I will try your magic.”

Nodding you wet your lips and uncorked the vial, “Just open your mouth and drink this please.” Holding out your hand you felt her lip under your hand signaling you to pour the vial out in her mouth and pull your arm back corking the vial you pocketed.

Anxiously you waited through her few moments of shivering before she caught her reflection, “My eyes have changed color.”

Wetting your lips you cracked one of your eyes, “I’m opening my eyes now.” Slowly you peered up at the stunned snake staring at you with a terrified gaze, “You are stunning.”

Her head tilted and the boys peeked then instantly their mouths fell open to say, “Brilliant!”

Lowering her head she eyed you closer as the memory from your contact with her lip swirled in your mind then she darted away making you call out, “I’ll be back tomorrow. I hope we can be friends.”

Both grinned rubbing your back, “Baby steps.”

You nodded and joined them saying, “I want brownies.”

Fred, “Well, we can try again tomorrow.”

“First, well, we have to stop in at Minerva’s later. I saw something.”

They helped you up through the round door to head back to fetch your bags as they asked, “What?”

“I know who opened the Chamber last. It was Riddle. He killed Moaning Myrtle.”

Both, “Was he the one who scarred her?”

You nodded, “She wouldn’t follow his order so he cursed her.”

Both nodded and you hurried up and out another set of stairs until you found yourselves climbing out of Myrtle’s bathroom. Softly you mumbled, “Wicked.” Then raced off through the halls until you slid to a stop in the Transfiguration classroom drawing Minerva’s eyes to you when you shut the doors behind you and rushed to her desk where she stood.

Minerva, “Have you been receiving any more trouble, Jaqi?”

You shook your head, “No.” Drawing out your wand you sealed the memory from the basilisk into the vial in your pocket you handed over, “We found the Chamber of Secrets.”

Her lips parted and her hand recoiled from the vial, “You-,”

“It’s a basilisk. Tom Riddle cursed her to kill Myrtle.”

Looking at the vial she folded her hand around it and she locked her eyes with yours, “How did you get this? You should be dead.”

“We found a potion, a free will potion for unbreakable curses. She still can kill with a glance, but only if she wishes to. She’s so scared after what he did. We have to keep her safe.”

Her mouth opened then closed it in shock before she stammered out, “I, did not assume a basilisk would require protection.”

George, “She’s bloody brilliant!”

Fred, “She’s been around for ages!”

Both, “And she’s huge!”

She wet her lips then shifted the vial in her palm, “If this is from a basilisk..”

“I muddled the memory a bit, blurring her eyes.” Minerva nodded and gave you a soft grin, “You head off to lunch, I’ll bring this to Albus myself. And Jaqi, I will be needing to see the chamber for myself, Albus as well possibly.”

You nodded, “Of course. I bet Moody will be all over it too.” She chuckled then glanced down at the vial she clasped her hand around and hurried to catch up with Albus.

Pt 4

[purplesurveys]

429

England Do you like to drink tea? I only drink iced tea and only the artificial kind, so I don’t think that even counts as tea. My tongue never did adapt well to traditional ones. Do you like to put sugar in your tea? I like my iced tea super sweet if that counts. Have you ever explored an ancient castle? No but it would be interesting to enter one! If you're a Christian, are you Catholic or Protestant? I was baptized and still legally Catholic. Philippines is predominantly Catholic, with 80% of the population; I don’t how the % of Protestants, but it’s definitely a much smaller bit of the pie since the rest of the religions are divided into different Christian denominations, then Islam. Do you live in a big house? It’s definitely bigger than my childhood home, so that’s more than enough.

Are there a lot of seagulls where you live? I don’t think seagulls fly over to this side of the world? Correct me if I’m wrong though. Do you have a garden? Only a very small one. Name something you own with the British flag on it. Probs an old UK-themed notebook lying around, but I’m not sure if I still even have those or if they already got thrown out. What's your favorite part of London? I dunno. London always seemed like such a hectic city for me and I’ve never really had an idea about its identity. If you've been to England, what was your favorite city you've visited? If applicable, what is/was your favorite store in London? I’m not sure I know any London-based stores. Have you ever been lost in London? Nope. Would you say your personality is British? Do you think you'd fit in there? I’d say my personality is the furthest thing from that since I’ve never been submerged in their local culture. I don’t know if I would fit in; a lot of them seem pretty short-tempered lmao. Do you have English ancestors, or are you from England? I’m positively -60% English. Ireland What is one of your favorite celtic songs? I don’t know anything about Irish history/culture other than Becky Lynch, Sheamus, and Niall Horan. I’m laying that out this early. Do you have red hair? Absolutely not. Are you Irish? No Irish blood in my system at all.

Name 5 redheads that you know. Becky Lynch x2.5, Sheamus x2.5 lmao. Who in your family is/was a redhead? Nobody. If you've been to Ireland, what was your favorite city you visited? I haven’t been to Ireland but I would rather take a trip there than to London definitely. Did you have any bad experiences in Ireland? Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day? No but Western social media shoves it in my face every year. I have no idea what it’s about other than they turn the Chicago River green. Do you like Irish food? I don’t know much about their food actually :o I don’t think there are places that serve it. What's one thing you like about ancient cathedrals? The fact that millions of lives with different experiences, all in different contexts have come and gone within them. Do you like rolling hills of green? ...I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you just talking about hills? Because yes, hills are fine with me lmao. Do you like bagpipes? No. All this question gave me was the image of Ross Geller playing them on a Friends episode because he wanted to surprise Chandler and Monica on their wedding. If you're Irish, what part of Ireland is your family from? Do you like English accents or Irish accents better? I like both but I find English ones a wee bit more satisfying to listen to. China What is your Chinese zodiac sign? Tiger. ^Do you like it? Do you feel it fits your personality? I don’t give a shit about it. Do you like your American zodiac sign or Chinese zodiac sign better? I don’t give a shit about either, either. Do you like Chinese food? LOOOOOOOVE good ol’ family-style Chinese food. None of that fake Chinese takeout. List three of your favorite Chinese foods. Minced pork with eggplant, century eggs, spring rolls. Are you familiar with the topic of footbinding? I do. We were taught about it from very early on. What are your favorite books about the Chinese? I don’t really read books about the Chinese. I’ve read readings on Chinese history in high school and college–which I all enjoyed–but I’m not passionate about them enough to pick a favorite. Do you know anyone Chinese? I know a lot of them. Philippines has a very large Chinese Filipino/Filipino Chinese community thanks to their mass migrations way way back–they’ve since heavily integrated their native culture to the country, so we have a lot of Chinese restaurants and Filipinos typically love Chinese food, and we also (by law) celebrate Chinese New Year. There are also a lot of private schools established for kids of Chinese descent. Who is your favorite Chinese youtuber? I don’t have any. Have you ever cooked Chinese food at home? Not me because I don’t cook. My grandma and my dad have. Are you familiar with the Great Chinese Famine? Only a bit. Do you wish your school would teach you about other countries' history? It already does! UP’s very fortunate to have a very well-endowed history department: there are courses for West, East, Southeast, and South Asian, Latin American, United States, European, Spanish, and African history. We ain’t the top school in the country for nothing. Would you ever want to go to China? I already have. The old people there are SO rude and their sense of hygiene and manners is so different from what we have :( I’d still want to go back just for shits and giggles but their people are generally meh. Do you have any Chinese in your family? We do but they aren’t related to us anymore. The relatives who are Chinese are those who married into our family, but my family per se isn’t Chinese. Japan Do you like sushi? I’m fucking craaaaaaaazy about sushi. And sashimi.  ^If so, what are your favorite kinds? Any kind as long as the main part is tuna, unagi (eel), or uni (sea urchin).  What is your favorite manga series? I don’t read manga. Do you love Japanese street fashion? I appreciate it, but it’s too...hip for me hahaha. I’d stick to my preppy wardrobe. What color hair would you have as an anime character? Light pink maybe. Are you aware of the struggles of Japanese Americans during World War 2? Admittedly, not so sure about the situation of Japanese-Americans; but in general, the Japanese were unnecessarily big fucking bullies throughout WWII. They don’t even have the balls to say sorry completely until today. As a Filipino (PH was one of the countries it essentially raped head to toe), this continues to make me angry today. What is your favorite Japanese name? I don’t have. Do you like bonsai trees? They’re cool but I’m not like gaga over them. What's one thing you think Americans should adopt from the Japanese? Intelligence? Have you ever listened to Jpop? No. Do you like Hello Kitty? No. But my sister loves everything Sanrio. What is something you want to know about the Japanese? Why they can’t seem to apologize for their war crimes and criminals and and sex slavery and using of comfort women and cases of rape, torture, and abuse in my country. Do you know anyone who's Japanese? Yeah, I had a classmate from last sem whose last name was Mizushima and looked Japanese. Would you ever want to go to Japan? I already have. The people were very nice. Australia Do you have blonde hair? No trace of blonde anywhere on me.

Do you live near a beach? I live in an archipelago, so technically yes. The nearest beaches are still 3 hours away though. Do you surf? Nah. We’ve been to so many beach resorts that offer basic surfing lessons, but ultimately it’s only my dad, mom, and sister who try it out. I have bad balance so I was always too scared to try. Who is your favorite Australian youtuber? I like Jamie Zhu, but only the videos of him pranking his dad. I haven’t seen any of his other material. Do you watch The Norris Nuts? Never even heard of it. Who is your favorite Australian fictional character? I don’t know a lot of Australian characters other than Hi-5!!! Lmao. What is your favorite song by Hillsong? Fuck no. Have you ever tried to surf? See a few questions above. Do you skateboard? Nope. I can’t balance well other than on the ice skating rink. Have you ever been on an island? I live on an island. Do you live on an island? Yes. A country with 7,641 islands. Do you like Australian accents or British accents better? British ones. Have you ever heard the term, "Crikey, mate!" No...I’ve only ever heard of it stereotyped in the media, too. Is there any Australian here who can confirm if people say this everyday lol Have you ever met anyone from Australia? I probably have but my memory is rusty at the moment. Africa Do you know anyone from Africa? Yeah, I have a mutual friend who’s Nigerian.

Are you familiar with the War on Sudan? A little. I got most of my knowledge of it from my international relations class. Do you own an Invisible Children shirt? I don’t. Have you been to Africa? No, but I want to pay a visit so bad. What's your favorite wild animal? Elephants. Do you prefer dancing or drumming? Neither, but if I absolutely had to pick: drumming. Do you have good rhythm? Not at all. Would you ever want to go to Africa? Yes. What is a great African song? I don’t know any. Have you ever tried African dancing? Nope. Do you own any African jewelry? I don’t. Ever danced to "Waka Waka"? I never did like that song. No. What's the furthest you've ever walked in one day? Probably that time we were in Bali and felt like we walked for 7 days. It was soooooooo humid that day so I was really cranky after. Do you live in a mud hut? No. Mexico List 3 of your favorite Mexican foods. I’m not big on Mexican food that much so I’m sorry if my picks are a little basic haha. I like chimichangas, burritos, and nachos. List 3 Mexican names you like. Ines, Luis, Antonio. List 3 people you know who are Mexican. I only know wrestlers...Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, Gory Guerrero? Aka members of the best Mexican wrestling family there ever is, was, and ever will be. Have you ever been to Mexico? I haven’t. Would you ever want to go to Mexico? I would love to go to every possible spot in the world at least once, so it’s a yes for me.   Do you think you could handle being around people all the time? ...How is this related to Mexico lmao? Anyway no I don’t think I can. I’m a huge introvert so I’m bound to get tired some time. Do you like spicy food? I love it but only when the spicy factor is integral to the food, like in curries or in spicy dips. I can always tell if spiciness is artificial. How do you do with crowds? I’m alright with crowds as long as people are not screaming all at the same time and if it’s not super compressed. Is it hot where you live? Very hot at the moment. There are places in the country with actual heat indices of 65ºC. HOW IS THAT REAL LIFE????? Do you like bright colors? I hate them so much. Can you speak Spanish? No but I can understand the contexts of some sentences and have what I’d say is an extensive Spanish vocabulary. Makes sense if you consider the fact that the Philippine was under Spain for 333 years. The effects, especially language- and religion-wise, are still very very strong today. Have you ever been to a fiesta? Yup. I was once part of a parade. Ever smacked a pinata? Nah we never used those for my birthdays. What's your favorite thing to order at Taco Bell? I don’t get Taco Ball because the branches that do exist are sooooo faaaaar away from where I live and from where I study. The Middle East Are you Muslim? Nope. Do you know any Muslims? I don’t know anyone personally but it’s not unusual to see Muslims around here.   Do you know anyone who wears hijab? Again, not personally. What are some of your favorite books about Muslims? Ever been to a desert? I wish the Philippines could count as a desert lmao but no I haven’t. Would you want to ride a camel? Is that ethical? I gotta make sure it’s a green-lit thing first. Did you watch the show Legends of the Hidden Temple? I was obsessed with it when I was younger. It was on every 5:30 AM, so it was the program I watched everyday while preparing for school. Korea Have you read To All the Boys I've Loved Before? Please don’t mention that stupid book/movie. ^Have you seen the movie? Did you know that North Korea is closed? I mean, it’s not literally closed; you can still book trips there but they’re still definitely super strict about what you can and can’t get away with. Would you ever want to visit South Korea? I already have. In terms of people’s niceness, they’re in the middle of Chinese (the shits) and Japanese (absolute angels). Most of the Koreans I dealt with were nice save for this one woman who shooed me away when I was taking a photo of something from her little bazaar. Have you ever had Korean food? YESSSSS I love Korean food so much, it’s so underrated. People gotta go deeper than sushi and Chinese fried rice cos there’s another East Asian with food that slaps as fuuuuuuuck. South America Have you read The Spirit of the Rainforest? I have not. Name one fact you know about Venezuela. I know nothing about Venezuela other than they also seem to be favorites in Miss Universe pageants every year along with PH. Do you know anyone who lives in Peru? I do not. That’s very far from where I’m at. Have you ever tried Peruvian food or drink? Nope. I definitely would if there were places that served such here. Have you ever been to South America? No. Do you know anyone from Brazil? I don’t think so. Would you ever want to visit South America? Yes. Name someone you know who owns llamas. Nobody. Do you like llamas? I like all animals except for cockroaches and other weird insects, so yes. Have you ever sewn on a loom? I haven’t had the chance to. Do you own a skirt from Guetamala? This is...specific. No. Do you ever wonder why we don't hear much about South America? Probs because people and media play a hand in painting it in such a bad light, e.g. poverty, drugs, crime and otherwise glorify its big brother North America as a place of freedom and diversity and liberty when it’s just as big of a shithole as anywhere else. But I’m glad social media exposes issues in countries that often go unignored, South American ones included. Thailand Do you like elephants? I LOVE elephants, they’re my favorite creatures. Would you ever be brave enough to try walking on stilts? I’d be so scared but wouldn’t be opposed to trying. Do you know about sex trafficking in Thailand? I’ve heard enough to be actively aware of it, but I don’t know specifics. Do you like Thai food? Obsessed.

Do you know anyone who's Thai? I don’t think so. United States If you live in the US, which state do you live in? Which states have you visited? Which states have you lived in? Have you ever been to Washington D.C? No. What is your favorite American food? I don’t know...I’m genuinely not sure what counts as American food because the ones I know were influenced one way or another from other cuisines. Maybe burgers? I love me a juicy burger with brioche buns, caramelized onions, and a mayo-based sauce. Do you listen to popular music? Hahahaha, guilty pleasure. Do you dream of having two kids and maybe a dog? Yesssss. ...and living in a two-story house with a white picket fence? House yes; not so much on the fence. Fences aren’t the norm here; people have big-ass gates instead. ...and having a good job and saving for retirement? Why is this just an American thing? Isn’t this like a people thing? ....where you can retire to Florida and live on the beach? Florida was never my ideal home. Did you go to college? If so, what was your major? I’m in college atm. Journalism. Were you abused by your parents? Emotionally/mentally/verbally. Do you know any nice people? ???????? I do, but I’m starting to dislike how general life questions were all clumped into the American category as if the whole world lives an American-centric life. Anyway IT’S NOT THAT SERIOUS ROBYN MOVE ON How often do you bbq? What's your favorite ride at Cedar Point? Other What's the best family vacation you've been on? Palawan was amazing. It was a local vacation but it was so much good fun. What countries have you visited? My own; Japan, China, South Korea, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia. What countries do you want to visit? Morocco, South Africa, Egypt, Canada, Peru, Malta, India, Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia. Have you ever been to NYC? No. Do you live in a big city, small town, or other? Big city, but I live in the quiet, more suburban part of it so it feels small.

Do you live in the city or country? City. What is your favorite country besides your own? I never claimed that the Philippines was my favorite country hahahaha um I don’t have one. What country do you live in? The Philippines. What is your ancestry? Filipino, Malay, Austronesian, possibility of Spanish. Are you happy with the American government? Right now? It sucks. I only recognize and like AOC. What currency do you use? Philippine peso. Do you think you have an accent? Everyone has an accent. I don’t know why this is a question. Have you ever been told you have an accent? Sure.