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#so i havent had much energy to do stuff
rexscanonwife · 8 months
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Hi yall! It's 1am and I'm still sick 🤧 (at the tail end of it tho!) And just letting u know thanks to the sheer amount of self vs self insert memes I got tagged in I'm gonna throw em all in a queue to post a few times during the day!
They'll be tagged as both 's/i meme' and 'queue queue kachoo' in case u don't wanna see em
Ok that's all ily guys byee 💖🫶💖
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drpeppertummy · 11 months
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do yall ever feel like tummy stuff takes up way too much of your mind. sometimes i feel like it borders on obsession for me. its the only thing i ever use my ocs for so it makes up the majority of my art & writing and i feel like i put more of my social energy into it than into other interactions sometimes (online at least)
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pyrriax · 7 months
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hiii tumblr you guys get a little snippet of a thing that will probably never see the proper light of day (since its an oc project) but it does give a little insight into. lavius elyria (not the persona one)
Their house was always warm, filled with comforts and niceties that they'd earned after spending so long struggling. It wasn't long now, before the world would end. But, it was going to be okay. Mortis would be there, and they could comfort each other through it. Everyone that mattered was pulled inside, dragons corralled into the empty wing of the basement, livestock ushered under cover. Lavius knew, he couldn't save them. They are doomed, have been doomed for a long time. The home he's spent so long building up from the ground, bloodied his hands over, it'll be gone, come morning. But, Mortis will be there, and they'll find each other again. The Gods promised, they'll save their people. Save those who've called this world home. He isn't sure he believes them, he's never been a religious man. But, he'll believe it if it means he doesn't lose Mortis. He'd believe anything if it was for Mortis, always. Always, always, always.
did i write this quickly as part of a larger thing? yup. i was gonna do a web weave based off the transition from s2 to s3 and wanted to have some writing to go along with it but. didnt make that. sooooo...... there's more to it but it's for the notes
oh and also mortis is @specialcontainmentdatabase's character ^_^ these two are fucked up and everybody knows it
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arvoze · 11 months
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the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out
#i am making this post to ramble. idk if it will actually change anything but i am trying 2 be hopeful .#ive been very. Rough all month thus far both physically and mentally and occasionally both at the same time#i am just hoping tht wat i am getting soon will help me do things bc ive rly had no energy to do anything at alllllll#and i rly dont want to like. Explode i would like to get things done#i have things i owe to people!!! i just dont have the spoons to do it Ever and it piles iup and up in my head#it fucking blows dude i have been stuck in a horrendous loop for like almost 6 months#i just want 2 be normal u know . i am hoping something will change soon#if it does not change in the nesxt few days when my shit arrives i think im like. Done For in general#like if im unable to get anything done in the next few days then i am going to very seriously have to reconsider#literally everything i do online i think. its a bit fucked up#ik it sounds like an exaggeration bu there is noooo way in hell i am Surviving like tihs !!!!!!! slash srs#i wish twitter circles did not die so i cold blow up in there bu back to ye olde norm of tumblr tags will have to do#also it feels less invasive so like. win for me ig. i do miss rambling nonstop in tags#i miss tumblr!! i miss a lot of old stuff. reminiscing for reasons both good and bad. the tumblr stuff is the good side tho#anyways i have been slowly chipping away at writing thigns this month and ik its like. not a lot at all.#but its a lot to *me* and when youre someone whos only capable of doing so mch its like. a big deal#(im writing pmdnd stuff finally getting back into gear nd stuff i have been trying to slowly draw the npcs#that ive made whilst trying to recover in other areas bu rghghrghgrgr i dont ewant to draw#i havent wanted to draw in a long long time blows up)#i shuld. stop typing actually i am rambling too much i jsujt have nowhere to mindlessly ramble anymore technicaly#i dont want to bug my friends w me being unwell all the time DFJKGHDFKGFG#mayne i will try to ccontinue with the npcs. we will see based on if i post again in the next 30 minutes
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samwisefamgee · 1 year
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The funny thing about constantly telling yourself that things could be worse is that sometimes. They are :)
#youd think the moldy trailer was gonna be rock bottom#but apparently its staying in a basement covered in the dust of a thousand thousand catshits#with the same people who traumatized me over 22 years until I moved into the moldy box in the first place :)#because im STILL dumb enough to believe their promises after decades of betrayal! or more accurately i dont get the choice lol#either way if i dont get outta here fast it is game the fuck over. been too much mental and physical pain for this shit to be worth it#fucked anyway given how much debt and permanent degenerative damage has been done but at least I can live whatever shit years I get left#in relative peace#I mean fuck I used all my fucking energy yesterday doing shit for them instead of taking care of my own stuff and WHY#all I got was get asked over and over to work even fucking harder like what the fuck did I expect#years pass and nothing changes for the better with these people what the fuck#and even if I DO manage to find somwhere to stay with folks who WONT lie to me for years to abuse my labor and psyche#I'll be broken in body and mind and spirit and ill need a job within the week to not fall behind#i still havent gotten on my feet and every attempt to rely on family. no matter who.#was just an excuse for them to use me for all I had for nothing in return#cant exactly find roommates with no money no credit no will to live and 20 problems on top of that that mean I cant pay rent yet#and without any family who wont try to kill me slowly or any friends who arent so fucked themselves they cant help its lookin like#im fucked once again gang#to think i was so fucking close to escaping all of this before the pandemic happened lol. even what I had then just isnt possible anymore#if I hear one more baseless 'things get better with time :)))' I WILL vomit until I choke to death like buddy that just isnt true sometimes#straight up some people are born to eat shit and die. babies get cancer. its been 24 consecutive years of eating it and I aint whistful fam#not anymore at least#keep sayin 'well it could be worse' when its about the worst its been and youre just asking fate to prove you right#only reason Im not completely homeless instead of technically homeless is that folks actually on the streets are much tougher sort than I#gonna jinx this whole fuckin rant but it really is a fuckin joke. i cant live like this but most folk Ive met on the street#would jump the moon just to live in the moldy trailer I got kicked out of let alone a filthy basement.#this COULD be a home I could work and live out of. fellas is it picky to prefer despair over living with people who traumatize you#does that answer change depending on circumstance and time or is there truly no justification in not making your life worth it#or am I really just the pathetic stoner burnout dropout that my folks see me as? I mean categorically yes.#is there any justification redemption or even just comfort to be found in that state considering the Weight that induced it#does it even matter if no other person knows what that Weight has been or for how long its built. if no one ever will know? whats the point
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tortademaracuya · 1 year
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... :)
#about to rant so ignore me#but like#okay. i have gotten over my assigned professor being changed. its okay. if she says this is better i trust her decision#and the forgetting to tell me and my new professor not having understood he had to read my stuff now is just an unfortunate accident#it happens. im unlucky like that i should be used to it#but now i still havent gotten even a single 'read' or whatever like they do with all my other classmates#if i go to class tomorrow just to find out no one still hasnt read what i have been working on for the last 5 weeks im#im going to explode#i already feel like shit for not meeting my self imposed goals#and its not like they could forget i have had no revisions BECAUSE I REMINDED THEM AGAIN TO PLEASE CHECK THEM OUT ON THE EMAIL I SENT#im just. so desmotivated#im already having the shittiest fucking weeks. maybe months. trying to get myself to work and do stuff#and this makes me feel like im that forgettable or that im gonna get hit with a 'change EVERYTHING' in the worst last possible moment#im so tired my intentions are good please someone for the love of god remember IM HEREEEEEEE#nothing is enjoyable i have no energy i just want to sleep everyday!!!!!!! i feel like im a burden and a bore to anyone!!!!!!!#im not wanted anywhere!!!!!! im fucking painted in here!!!!!#i have begun to talk about stuff unrelated to what i was originally saying 🙃 but oh well#its too much too many things all at the same time#i just want one fucking time where im not forgotten by literally everyone and made feel like a last fucking choice i want good things!!!!!#and im so tired of coming to terms with me never being anything to anyone just for someone to come and make me think maybe im wrong#just for everything to go to shit again!!!!!!!#i want to scream and take space and say how mad i am no more fucking 'dont worry its okay' 'sorry' no fuck off!!!!!!! SCREAM!!!!!#haunted.txt
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birthday-of-music · 1 year
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ughhhhjajsjajahshdhdhdb
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onocleqs · 2 years
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can't fucking believe vent is still down. where else am i gonna yell about being ill
#anyway it is Day Two and. i feel better in some ways but worse in others#had the worlds most disrupted night of sleep and now i'm coughing a lot more than yesterday and it sucks#but my throat feels less sore for sure. feels like my body is fighting this thing off super hard 💪💪💪💪 shame about the full body aching#and overall lack of energy. ooouugghhh and the lost voice of course. but this always fucking happens#i'm gonna have to pass on games night tonight if i'm still coughing a lot and/or still missing my voice#but aaaauugghhh the love of my friends will surely heal me like nothing else. unless they make me laugh and send me into a coughing fit#rambling#my god yeah thats one of the worst parts of being ill. cant watch anything that makes me laugh. im fucking dying of boredom here#sure there's other stuff to watch but no funnies and no video games when that's all i want rn. havent watched any more flapjack in DAYS#it's nowhere near as bad as covid so this is entirely unnecessary but i am once again getting thr urge to document my symptoms#with a god damn spreadsheet. but it's not as complex at all so eh.#i can't say too much about how much better i'm feeling just yet tbh bc i'm still back in bed hfkdhgkdh i can walk sure#but i need to go downstairs and make breakfast soon which is the REAL first hurdle#also the question of am i ready for toast again or do i need to stick to porridge just to be safe#not gonna lie. i didn't love the noodles i had yesterday so i'm wondering if i'll have the appetite for something else#i want a sandwich so fucking bad but i don't want to eat dry bread at the same time. aaauuggghhh#my sibling offered me a hot chocolate last night and i had to turn that down bc chocolate plus cold for me is a big no#but aaauugghhh a nice warm drink probably would’ve been rlly nice#i return once again to announce that got damn! i feel notivesbly better than i didn an hour ago and my voice is like 30% back!#which means that by tonight i might very well be at a functional enough level to hang out with friends after all#i can always dip if my energy levels tank again or whatever but like honestly hanging out with them is like. i need that#the last two days havent been great and i miss them and we have a lot to talk about so yeah i will do everything in my power#to be there tonight. but i will not force myself or push myself too far. bc i am the king of self care 💪💪💪#god sorry back again but. it continues to fascinate me how any kind of illness affects me in the same ways consistently regardless of what#kind of illness it is??? right now i have whats mainly a cough which is honestly rare for me when i get ill#it's usually more in the nose department and sometimes the throat but rarely the chest#and yet 9 out of 10 times i lose my voice. i Always struggle with low energy (altho thats a problem outside of being ill too jfdjgdhfhd)#have a hard time falling or staying asleep and i get nauseous if i sleep laying down enough#but also i am the king of hard and fast aka i get like 24 terrible hours and then recovery is super quick. i'll be back to 100% health in#less than a week. my poor fucking step dad has been in stage one for a WEEK it's really awful. but i have the power of youth on my side 💪
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todayisafridaynight · 14 days
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if you post less...... do you have a new sideblog perchance. a new interest
makin this sound like a rumor that i got a crush on a classmate !!!!!!!
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be-good-to-bugs · 5 months
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all i ever wanna do is sleep but my body wont even let me have at least a normal amount
#the bin#i havent had almost any energy in so goddamn long. its hard for me to even do my daydreaming because i just dont hqve the energy to stand up#i hate feeling so exhausted all the time. its so much worse since i also feel so depressed always too#nothing makes me feel better :( i spend every second feeling like garbage.#i hate that nobody has ever taken me seriously when i talk about how bad it feels. they dont understand how absolutely horrible it is to#just not have any friends whatsoever. they dont believe it feels that bad.#im trying so hard to feel better but i cant. i havent fekt this incapable of happiness for such a prolonged time ever#im trying to draw stuff to make myself happy but it isnt working at all. i think my room being cluttered is part 9f the problem but even if#i were to fix it i doubt it woule help much if at all. i feel like i reached the point where ive spent too long not have any social#connection or anything like that and my brain just cant do it anymore. tine spent with my sister was ALWAYS awkward and uncomfortable#and there was a lot of issues but it was still something. that something is gone and now i talk to nobody at all#this kinda happened to me several years ago when she left for a few months and i didnt talk to thevrest of my family much#im glad im done with our relationship. at this point i cant even pretend to be friendly when i see her. she just keeps doing shitty stuff#even within the past month. everytime i see her i find out about more shitty stuff. i hate her so much. the sound of her voice makes me#wanna rip my hair out. i never wanna ever speak to her again. i have to. and i will. but god. if s#i dont know what ill do to meet people once im moved but i hope i can figure it out quickly. i cant do THIS anymore. i will literally die
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jiatiful · 11 months
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orcelito · 1 year
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The intersection of no easy food, no clean dishes, and Bad Mood is such a horrid thing
#speculation nation#negative/#sure whatever#me sitting at home just trying to work up the will to eat Something#bc i need to. but im not really hungry and i dont have easy food and i have no dishes for the food i do have#i havent gotten groceries bc my past 2 days off were spent at the hospital and then at a house visit#for my terminally ill uncle.#and it's been a month since my cat died and it's 223 aqi outside and i am just#no clean dishes too much trash gnats building up no energy to do shit#i did laundry and cleaned the cat stuff yesterday bc i Had To so at least i have clean clothes#but the rest of my apartment is a mess & i have to fucking Pack for my trip at the end of the week#i dont even know how to make sure i have a carry on bc ive never bought plane tickets myself bc i havent flown since i was 18#so im anxious about it and when im anxious about something i avoid it but i Cant keep avoiding it#and here i am tonight vague headache from the air pollution no energy to eat no energy to Shower#thinking of taking a shot to make it Shut Up for a bit & maybe then i can do things#im.... i wasnt planning on venting that much but. jesus fuckin christ y'all why's life gotta be this way#i just wanna have my fun happy hobbies and not worry about taking care of myself bc im shit at it anyways#i think i will take a shot. a compromise. i do one harmful thing to myself & then i do the good things for myself. idfk#and yes it's harmful bc i havent eaten and it's just straight vodka but ykno what i like it like that#i should probably shut up now. may or may not disappear for the rest of the night so i dont keep being a miserable fucking bastard online#ugh.#animal death ment/#disordered eating/#Close Enough. side effect of other things rather than a problem in and of itself but c'est la vie ya bitch
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pika-blur · 1 year
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i want something metaphysical but i also dont want a criminal record rip
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reematheroamer · 2 years
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Art from 2021 and 2022, not sure if theres much of a difference but tbh im happy with how im progressing.
I think the biggest changes between these two were switching from sai to clip studio paint and also switching from a parblo tablet to a huion.
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eternalmarvel · 10 months
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MK1 - BI HAN X READER ~ REUNION ~
an: ok hi guys lowkey i havent written fanfiction in years so this is my brief return. so feral for bi-han bro got me writing again
anyways please enjoy this story that i cooked up at work instead of doing what i get paid to do 🔥i got really sloppy at the end because this fic ended up being MUCHH longer than what i intended and i lowkey lose the plot bc it was supposed to be much more different
also if you guys have requests send them in i might do them i might not so dont expect too much
ps+ i'm not chinese so if i mischaracterized something pls let me know!! i'm the wrong type of asian to be writing this lmfao
--
you returned to the lin kuei outpost hoisted on the shoulders of the neighboring rocky mountains. it was a heavy winter yet, but a meager layer of snow had curtained everything all the same. your breath was heavy as you sighed and looked at the exterior of the stronghold, smoke spilling from your mouth. it had been years since you had been back here, practicing with the lin kuei as only a young woman. you were never an initiate, but your father was a powerful man who had been good friends with the former grandmaster of the lin kuei and wanted to assist them by having you help them out. after a couple of months of training and bonding with all the other lin kuei initiates (as well as the grandmaster's sons), you had left to pursue your responsibilities. you had been burdened with far too many tasks to just remain in one place -- it pained you but you knew you had to leave to do what was required of you. not one for goodbyes (and the fact that if you had to confront the brothers about your departure, you probably would've ended up staying...), you disappeared into the midst of the dark night.
after all with great power comes......
the gates to the stronghold opened and you entered inside. it was difficult being back. how would you approach the brothers? would they still be upset at you for leaving? surely not, considering they let you back in. but what if this is a trap, a ploy to set up a mediation to get you to explain where you were all these years? thousands of thoughts swirled inside your mind but it didn't matter now. you were inside the courtyard now, watching as initiates sparred and practiced with one another. you could begin to feel the influx of raw magical energy as you walked by, prompting you to take a deep breath in and walk with your head held higher. you opened the gates to the interior to see tomas and kuai liang speaking with some of the younger initiates. kuai had his hands crossed behind his back, his eyes stern as ever as he commanded some of the younger warriors to try out a new training exercise. tomas had a small smile on his face, his arms crossed in front of his chest. they didn't notice your arrival and so you quietly walked up to them, with hands behind your back and a shy smile across your face.
tomas was the first to notice you, and his face immediately burst into a smile. "(name)!" he yelled out, excited like a puppy being adopted by an owner for the first time ever. you were originally going to keep this visit somber, but you couldn't help to keep the smile off your face. suddenly a huge urge to hug him overcomes you, and you spread your arms around the nape of his neck, pulling him in. he pats your back, exclaiming:
"i didn't realize you were going to be here so soon!"
you pull away from him, giving him a big smile. "sorry it took me so long. had a lot of stuff to get to."  that smile on your face does not betray your intentions. it's the truth--you really did have a lot to get to. procrastinating and putting off the visit for as long as you did, however, was honestly not your intention.
you see kuai glance at you gently, a fond look washing over him as you peak from over tomas' shoulders.
"c'mon, i know you want in on this too," you say playfully as you beckon kuai over. he smiles kindly as he takes you into his arms.
"it's good to see you again, (name). seems that time's been treating you right," he says with his hands on his hips, admiring your character as he gazes at you from up to down. you can't help but blush, and wave away his comment.
"you guys have grown up a lot too! what have they been feeding you guys?!" you playfully ask. the two of them playfully chuckle, as tomas responds with,  "been drinking my 7 glasses of milk everyday!" you give him a confused look as kuai gives him a side-eye. "pretty sure it's meant to be water, tomas. but i'm glad you're so lactose-affluent," you say playfully with a grin.
kuai takes you softly by the arm and introduces you to the other members. "everyone, this is (name). she used to train with us and it's lucky for us she wasn't officially trained as an initiate or she'd be better than all of us." his compliments cause you to blush and roll your eyes, as you give a humble bow.
"where is bi-han?" you ask, reluctantly. kuai's gaze becomes sterner and yet more cautious.  "he's with some students right now. though i uhh....am not sure how receptive he will be to your....visit." you smile. "don't worry for me, kuai. i can handle the boy i used to beat in our spars." "except he's not a boy now. he's grandmaster of the lin kuei." your eyes fall to the ground. of course he was. their father died just a few years ago and now bi-han had inherited one of arcticka's greatest creations. you look back up and tomas and kuai solemnly.
"sorry i could not attend your father's funeral. i only heard about it just recently and even if i knew about it earlier, i didn't know how you guys would feel about me popping up at his service unannounced."
"you're family, (name). you were then, you still are now. nothing's changed but the time passing," he says tenderly as he rests his hand on your shoulder. you give him a smile in return and nod your head.
"thanks for the sentiment, kuai. but....let's see if your big bro shares the same sentiment."  kuai and tomas share an unsettling look as they take a deep breath in. "you're welcome to try and get through to him. don't blame me if he throws an ice pick at your head."
you roll your eyes playfully. "i'm sure i'll be fine, just tell me where he is."
tomas points to the other side of the stronghold, pointing to the large training room decorated with gold and red lanterns. come to think of it, most of the stronghold was painted with evidence of the Chinese New Year's festivities. you hadn't realized that the new year had encircled so quickly. as you made your way to bi-han, you felt your heart flutter. there was no telling how he would react. what if he actually DID throw an ice pick at your head? the nerves bubbled up in your gut as the cold air outside did nothing further to ease your unrest. as you walked to the large room where bi-han was at, your eyes briskly caught a glance at the remnants of more festivities at the stronghold. you smiled softly to yourself.
at least bi-han cared enough about his initiates to host what looked like some vendors/merchants and games at the stronghold for all of them. this gesture was sweet, almost like a father providing for the children he's adopted. just like his own father, though you didn't dare to say this out loud. this thought process however, had managed to calm you down until you got to the very wide doors to the training room. you took a deep breath in before you quietly opened the doors, peering in to a room with many masked initiates sitting on the floor inside gazing up at bi-han as he fervently explained something.
you moved to the back of the room, carefully moving past the other member to get a good look at bi-han, leaning your shoulder against the wall. a few minutes passed as he wrapped up his lesson, finally catching your eye. for a ninja he wasn't much aware of your presence. but he also hadn't felt your presence in years, and you were aware of that. when his eyes met yours, he didn't look surprised like a person gazing upon a long-dead wraith but rather he looked stunned as to how you even got here. there was anger hidden behind his eyes, but at the same time....
"(name)?" it had been years but you still felt the same way when he called out your name. his voice had gotten deeper and he had changed into a grown man. your eyes explored his stature -- he was taller, his muscles were defined, and a different aura now defined him. he was no longer the softer boy you knew him to be, now he was grandmaster of earth's last defence; of course he was going to be a changed man now.
you smiled cheekily, not knowing how to react. truthfully, you didn't know how you got this far.
"hi, bi-han. i hope i didn't distract you when you were busy teaching," you speak coyly, not wanting the other initiates to overhear your WHOLE conversation. he looks down at you, almost like he's debating what to say next. you take a deep gulp and you scrape away at the skin underneath your nails, causing them to bleed. after what seems like a milennia of consideration, he furrows his brows and briskly walks past you.
you nod your head with a soft smile. you understand why he feels this way but to be honest, you're not sure whether you would've preferred this treatment or having an ice pick gone straight to your dome. the other initiates look on carefully, trying not to invoke their grandmaster's anger. before they can do anything else, they follow their grandmaster out the room.
"don't take it to heart. if you were anyone else, he probably would've frozen you solid. i'm surprised he actually went the mature route."
you turn around to see whose voice those sentences belonged to. your eyes fell upon a man wearing a yellow uniform, similar to kuai's uniform but the colours inversed. his hair is tied up almost in a ponytail and restrained by a yellow bandana across his forehead. he's a good-looking man, but an unfamiliar face.
"i'm sorry, i don't recognize you," you say as you furrow your eyebrows piecing together who this man could be.
"cyrax. i haven't seen you before here either. though kuai said that there may be a guest visiting today." he gives you a small smile and stretches out his hand so you can shake it. you give him a warm yet stern handshake. you take his hand and give him a small shake.
"i was hoping for a warmer reception from him honestly. though it was my fault for thinking he might've reacted the same way i might've towards him."
"eh, he's been cranky for the last few days. still, that makes him not snapping on you all the more interesting. are you familiar to him? personally?"
"oh, ha, no," you wave him away embarrassingly, "i used to train here with the brothers. i'm acquainted with them pretty well. just haven't seen them in years, so...."
"ahh. well, good luck with trying to get sub-zero to warm up to you. you're attempting to do the impossible." he replies with a cheeky grin, before bowing to you and leaving the room. you take a deep breath in, unsure of how you were going to get the grandmaster to liven up a little and talk to you. as the day continued, you found yourself wandering the old halls of the stronghold you used to train in. it was night-time now, and you admired the dark glow on all the new year festival decorations. they shone bright as the gold off of them reflected the moon's light. a little upset at not being able to have the reunion you wanted, you walked out to the terrace surrounding the courtyard, looking down at the dimly lit enclosure. no one was out practicing right now, causing you tp scoff to yourself. when you practiced here you went well into the late night and yet none of these new initiates hold the same respect and regard for hardwork as you did. your mind flashes back to your sparring practices with bi-han. when you both were younger, he could hardly touch you you were so fast. your hits were hard and fast, mirroring bi-han's form but you were just that much quicker. he hated admitting it, but you were just a better fighter -- though your elemental magic couldn't hold a light to his cryomancy.
before your mind wandered off to the unknown, you heard footsteps behind you making their way down the corridor. you turned to see bi-han in a dark blue/black hanfu with a few books in his arms. your breath caught in your throat as you gazed upon him. if he saw you, he was doing a great job at pretending he never did. this didn't matter to you, as you quickly hid behind one of the pillars in the terrace. he had his head down, bad idea. as he came closer to you, you waited for the perfect moment to strike before finally revealing yourself. bi-han didn't react at all and if he did, it was out of pure annoyance.
"no. you're not leaving until we speak."
"are we finished?" he says stoically, before attempting to go around you. "that was enough of us speaking."
flabbergasted, you back up quickly and block his path again.
"bi-han." you say, defeated and exhausted. you didn't come all this way to get dejected and leave without getting proper closure. if you had to move on from him, you wanted to at least clear things up with him before getting on with your life.
"did you not leave the last time? i am simply doing to you what you have done to m-us." he replies matter-of-factly.
"i'm here now aren't i? c'mon now, i know you've been dying to talk to me. i wanted to talk to you all this time!" you say coyly, throwing a playful punch at his meaty arm.
he looks a little upset, or at least his eyes and frown betray him if he was going for a stoic look.
"why now? why after all these years. you might as well return to wherever you came from," he replies lowly and yet it shows that he's hurt. your heart warms a little at the fact that you could've had this much of an impact on him. you nod your head slowly and look into the enclosure beneath you.
"i'm sorry bi-han. you know i had to leave soon. it wasn't going to be forever, even if i wanted for it to be so. and i knew......" you look down, a long distance into the ground, "if i told any of you guys i was leaving i probably wouldn't have ended up leaving." the look on bi-han's face relaxes a bit, but you can still see him holding the stress on his face. there's not much more that you can say. he was right in being upset -- if anyone else abandoned you the way that you did to him or his brothers you'd be livid. the two of you spent months with one another and yet neither of you had confessed your feelings. the tension was palpable and everyone else noticed it too, it was just confusing as to why neither of you acted on your desires. for you, it was the fear of rejection. perhaps it was the same for him as well?
you lean on the terrace on your side, gazing at bi-han. just being near him after all these years was enough of a blessing but something in you wanted more, though you would never publicly admit to this. you stop yourself at first, but then reach for his arm, carefully, almost to not startle him like he's a wild animal at bay for now but at risk of leaving at the first sign of danger. he doesn't retreat, moving his gaze from your face to your arm. you gently get a hold of his forearm, grazing your thumbs against them. he's cold, but retracts the cold from his skin so that it's back to normal temperature. you hold your gaze at his arm, almost too shy to look at his face.
"i think you've missed me all this time."
bi-han scoffs. "not in the slightest."
"then why are you so close to me?"
it's like the act is intuition. he notices how close the two of you are now and apparently his closeness has gone unnoticed because only a mere half foot now separates the two of you. he lets out a small chuckle out of annoyance and shakes his head.
"you still remain as aggravating as ever."
you put your hand on your hip.
"i apologize for upsetting the mighty grandmaster of the lin kuei." you say, coming a little closer and almost closing the already-tiny gap between the two of you.
"that can be rectified." he says, almost flirtatiously. you're a bit taken aback by his frisky comment. you thought he might've actually been offended by your comment but it seems that his playful nature has become unfamiliar to you after all these years. you place your hand gently on his cheek, caressing his cheekbones and acne scars.
"i've missed you, you know," you finally express your true feelings.
bi-han's eyes soften a little.
"i should've been here-with you....i know that i didn't exactly give you much closure bu-," before you can continue on with your tedious apology he fills the space between the two of you and kisses you with a voracious hunger you've never seen before. his nose pushes against yours and you lean into the kiss, slightly moaning. he tries to slide his tongue against you and it's almost as though the two of you are young kids again, sparring. you defend your mouth, refusing to let his tongue inside but he grabs ahold of your other arm, surprising you. taking advantage of your shock, he slips his tongue inside triggering another gentle moan from you. the two of you wrestle with your tongues, exploring the smallest crevices of one another's mouths. years of tension and pressure are finally alleviated with this kiss. you lean in for more, like a child fiending for sugar, but he pulls away to gaze in your eyes.
you take a deep breath -- that workout took a lot of your wind away from you. however, your lips still draw near his, lowkey aching for more.
"i've wanted to do that for so long..." he says, pushing his forehead against yours. "are you planning on leaving again?"
you smile brightly. so the cold-hearted grandmaster did hold a soft spot for you.
"that depends. do you want me to stay?"
he removes his hands from your wrist and brings them up to your face, reciprocating your earlier caresses.
"as long as you don't leave again."
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circebutbetter · 3 days
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Ao3 || pinterest || airbuds || spotify || secret 5th thing
Hard to describe something ill never miss"
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☆my name is Jana/circe!
☆my pronouns are she/her
☆biggest hater of green apples ever ever I HATE THEM THEY SUCK UGHHSGEHE
☆an avid reader and an wven bigger music consumer
☆biromantic/asexual/IN A QPR<3 @garden-of-runar
Transphobes, racists, homophobes, abelists literally anyone who somehow somewhat fits into these catogories is not welcome on this blog<3
Otherwise my ask box is open!
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♤Interest(?): marauders, the secret history, a series of unfortunate events, my babysitters a vampire, the hunger games, fnaf, true crime, murders, cannibalism, bugs (although i hate them sigh), makeup, law(?), conspiracies, rabbit holes, weird stuff ™, mythology, MORE STUFF IVE BEEN IN SO MAMY FANDOMS BEFORE SO YES I KNOW LORE 💔
im not weird i promise <3 im very sane and normal☝️☝️
Dislikes: GREEN FUCKING APPLES RAHHHHHHHHH, polos, umum alot of thibgs i js dk how to list them☝️
Music: olivia rodrigo, paramore, flyleaf, wisp, pierce the veil, billie eilish, falling in reverse, mother mother, the living tombstone, my chemical romance, deftones, paramore, nirvana, MITSKI, david bowie<3, alex g, liily, south arcade, sleeping with sirens, black sabbath, YEAH THERES MORE I LISTEN TO BASUCALLY EVERYTHING SIGH
slytherin, child of apollo(cabin 7), entp-t, sag
☆☆☆
LOVELY LOVELY PEOPLE<33:
@garden-of-runar SIGH GUYS RUE IS LITERALLLYYY THE SUN PERSONIFIED ANDNADN SOSOSO COOL LIKE UM DUDE WHAT AND MY PLATONIC PARTNER <333 AND MY LIKE WIFE/P LIKE RAHHH🩷🩷🩷 MAJOR CHAOTIC ENERGY HIS LIFE IS LITERALLY A MOVIE??( she got stuck in a chait once guys a CHAIR)(The Time Runar Got Stuck Upside Down In A Chair For An Hour ™)
@definitionoffuckup STAR ML HES LIKE LOWKEY AMAZING GUYS has his issues but is literally wonderfuk and deserves everything good and also has no sense of online safety like um☝️☝️andand lowkey one of my favorites on tumblr☝️☝️☝️
@omelettejunkie ethan. Is there anything more to say? Jkjk ethan ,eeth, eef ,spleen , eef the furry and an omelette junkie through and through (theres rumoirs of alcoholism too but hmm☝️☝️) also has the most diverse music taste ive ever met
@kawaiibarty JAMES❗️ bigges loser ive met but also the coolest loser ive met MASTER OF PLAYLISTS AND HAD A BOMB MUSIC TASTE LIKE UM❗️❗️ also really very chaotic, gives off major chaotic energy, jim carrey guys☝️
@thestrawberryapologist SIGH I HAVENT KNOWN MARI FOR LONG BUT SHES A WONDERFUL PERSON WITH A WONDERFUL PERSONALITY <3 THE SHERLOCK TO MY WATSON (sigh j wabted to be sherlock NTBUT FJNTE)
@stargazing-reader NEPHYTHEIS 💓💓💓 they're one of my first mutuals here and one of the best people ive ever ever met, sososoos smart and has so much passion for almost everything they do and im highkey sososososo glad ive met them like <3
@hershey-the-confused LAUGHS AT MY SUFFERING ALL THE TIME SMH ANDANDAND TORTUROSUD ME WITH GREEN APPLES but overall theyre sosososo fun to talk to although a bit frustrating (in thr most loving way ever its very fun) ANDAND LOWKEY MY EMO IN LAW VERYVERY COOL PERSON☝️
@cheekyboybeth THE CHAPPELL ROAN TO MY OLIVIA RODRIGO, super duper cool with an obsession with cannibalism(relatable) and SUPER COOL THOIGH LIKE OKAY
@calypso10191 SIGH IDK WHERE THEYVE GONE RN BUT IM WAITING FOR CALYPSO TO CIME BACK SIGH
@asters-tempo COMES INTO MY ASK BOX ALOT, LOVELIVELOVE INTERACTING EM ANDAND bread collecter and axolotel personafied VERY COOL YET AWFULLY TERRIBLE AT TAKING CARE OF EMSELFs
@here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can SKYE❗️❗️❗️ sososos cool and wonderful to interact with, also tortupsus me with green apples andand idk wonderful all around
@the-stars-drowning ONE OF THE CUTEST PEOPLE IVE MET ON HERE<3 LIKE SUCH A JOY TO INTERACT WITH I CANT LIKE MWAH💓💓💓
If ive missed anyone tell me so i can add you sigh MWAH💔 IF YOU WANNA BE UNTAGGED TELL ME <3
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Moodboard(one of my most treasured thibgs ever made for me) made for me by @hershey-the-confused <333
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