#so i hope you were expecting and wanting an essay anon

[sharkneto]

if you had a chance to write for the umbrella academy, what’s something you would’ve added or removed or otherwise changed about show canon

Oh. What an ask! You know, I try to stay positive here on tunglr.com about the Umbrella Academy. I adore the show, love the characters, focus on the positive and things I like rather than the negative things I don't. That said, the show has issues, more and more as the seasons progress. I do have opinions. And you asked :)

Read more because this is going to get long.

Starting in S1, there's not much I'd change - S1 is really tight, it's really character focused and its dark themes covered by sibling absurdity is delicious. Only thing I can think of off the top of my head to change is

Five has the gun in the finale. There is no tension with Allison having the gun for if she's going to shoot Viktor or not - we all know she isn't. It also makes Five just running up and getting caught in the energy tentacles stupid because he's never fought like that the entire show, he's more strategic than that. So, Five has the gun, we know from the comics Viktor gets shot -- it makes Five not shooting him more impactful, differentiates Five from his comic counterpart, and in general is a richer character moment for all involved. The only downside to all of that is it sidelines Allison, but some finagling of setting up the situation can put her back in a meaningful position (someone wrote a fantastic reimagining of this scene that gave Five the gun that still kept Allison in a key position with a heartful roll in how it shakes out, probably a couple years ago now. If anyone remembers who wrote that or can link it to me, I'd love to reread it again).

That's really it for S1, off the top of my head, anyway. On to S2! -

Handler stays dead, AJ is the big bad. The only downside to this is that we don't get Kate Walsh back, because she is so much fun, but the Handler absolutely died at the end of S1 and they retconned her to not-die so she could be in S2 (...because Kate Walsh is such a delightful villain). But AJ should have had a bigger roll in S2. He's the head of the whole Commission! The Handler was but a cog in the machine - what does that look like! The Hargreeves suddenly have the entire might of the Commission after them instead of a rogue Handler (pin in that for Point 2). Also, his character design fucking slaps, I'm still obsessed with him. And now, I'm hearing you go: But Lila! And I answer you - AJ is her adopted father. That whole plotpoint stays the same but AJ instead of Handler for parental figure. Diego's reaction to his girlfriend's father being a fish sells that all on its own.

The Commission should not be a benevolent force, with just the Handler as a rogue, evil agent. S1 Commission is a morally dark gray force of bureaucracy hiding behind the uncanny, cheerful veneer of the 50s. Their chosen method for keeping history "on track" is just a fuckton of murder. They left a kid to rot in the apocalypse for four decades. They have an entire department dedicated to making sure disasters occur (through strategic murder). The Infinite Switchboard is also dumb and only exists for fast plot for Diego to figure out what's going on - S1 method for the Commission knowing when the timeline is getting fucked is agents on the ground who call it in (S1 Commission inefficiency, my fucking beloved.). In summary, no one at the Commission is a good person (looking at you Herb and Dot! You are not and should not be positioned as good people!), and making the Handler the ~only~ bad egg there and everyone else positioned as good and allies weakened them significantly as a villain.

Viktor! He shouldn't have had amnesia! Robbed him of character development in facing what he'd done, how his life had been a lie, and the complicated feelings left behind between him and his siblings over all of that. I get it was a comic thing, but they didn't do the comic reason (Shot In Head), and they've changed lots else from the comics, so this should have been another point the deviated from.

Raymond should have gotten to meet Five. I just think that would have been fun.

The song that plays in Viktor's violin mind palace when he's getting tortured should have been [Viktor's] Orchestra from the S1 OST and not that goddamn Bach Partita. They already had a very meaningful and beautiful violin piece composed by Mr. Russo, what are they doing bringing in this random Bach? Missed opportunity. My feelings on this are so strong that I am including it with the above impactful plot changes.

There's probably some smaller tweaks for S2 that I'm not thinking of now, but that covers the main changes and this is already getting long and we haven't even gotten to S3. Because, oh boy. S3.

I give S3 a lot of forgiveness for being made during the pandemic. I think a lot had to be adjusted for Covid restrictions (There was supposed to be a whole Japan trip thing! Which is why the Hotel is all Japanese themed. The trip got scrapped, the theme did not, so it just comes off as weird and orientalist), and they still managed to have really great character moments and developments. That said -

Too much happened in S3. They should have done Sparrows or the Hotel (which I like to call the HOb, and is the shorthand I'll be using from now on). Both with the Kugelblitz made this season insane.

Lila isn't pregnant. The show has a real hard time writing women who aren't mothers or dead and they were almost doing a good job with Lila until this, she almost escaped it. I'm going to be honest, my first thought when it was revealed that she was actually pregnant and it wasn't just Stanley shenanigans was "Oh, abortion". I don't think it makes sense for where she is to be having a kid, and it ties her down in a weird way for the final season. Instead of being about her figuring out her shit after finding out her mom killed her, had her real parents killed, and her life is all a bit of a lie, it's now about being pregnant and/or being a mother.

The HOb isn't some weird universe reset button. Why didn't they like Fucked Up Space Prison from the comics??? That's so much fun! I'd allow it to be paired up with the Sparrows if it's a fucked up space prison, they compliment each other then. It being a reset button that Reggie has known about this whole time and is the reason he collected the kids also doesn't make sense with him killing himself in S1 for the original plot of the show. They almost hit the vibe they could have had with it, with the hallways and floors swapping around. Play with that more, make time weirder, don't have cheap-horror samurai guardians. Forever mourning how much cooler and weirder the HOb could have been.

A lot of people complain that the Sparrows were so minor in the season. I am not one of those people - most of them were tertiary characters, and with all the other plot happening and the focus (rightly) on the Umbrellas, they featured exactly as much as they needed and should have (without changing the season to make them the main antagonists). My only change here is Sloane shouldn't know physics. Why does she know physics and why is she as good as Five, who has 30 years on her. There's no set up or indication she is a math person (she loves reading and travel!) until they have their Kugelblitz math discussion and then it's never alluded to again. Is this petty? Yes. Do I stand by it? Yes.

Ah, Five. Obviously, Five shouldn't be the founder of the Commission. That whole plot, while great for the Five and Lila Frenemy Trip, reeks of Cool Reveal We Thought Of To Be Cool. It doesn't have any real major impact on anything, and it makes no sense for Five as a character that he would have created the Commission and then sat alive in their basement by himself. The guy spent a lifetime alone and tore the universe apart to be with his family and they want me to believe he sets up his life to end by himself and away from his family after making evil corporate time cops? Yeah, alright, sure, mmm-hmm.

There should have been a conversation about what happened in the barn at the end of S2. That was huge - Five unlocked a whole new application of his powers and watched his whole family die again. With the rewind powers, they should have given an in-universe reason for why Five couldn't use them at any point and not just pretend they didn't exist anymore. The Kugelblitz is eating time, if it's eating time there is nothing for Five to rewind or jump back to - there. I did it. Just some sort of acknowledgement for why Five's plot-breaking powers aren't breaking the plot.

Five should have been friendlier and more trusting of Reggie, incorrectly viewing them as relative equals thanks to his age and experience. From Five's point of view, Reginald has always been right and Reginald did help him when he talked to him in the 60s. He's a dick and unpleasant, but so is Five. It was the perfect set up for some delicious betrayal and hard lessons for Five to understand their father the same way the rest of the Umbrellas do.

I'm going to be honest - there is probably plot things I would change for how Harlan slots in with the Kugelblitz, but S3 is my least rewatched season, and when I do rewatch it I usually do a Five Watch (just skip through and watch Five plot), so I do not remember it well enough to point out what I would change.

Final point I'm going to make - Allison. I genuinely loved where Allison went this season. The most controversial part of her plot, assaulting Luther, I thought made perfect sense and I have a lot of thoughts about where her mind was during all of that. But I do not think the writers understood just how fucked up her doing that was, and that scene should have had further fallout and more direct conversation about what happened. Give it more gravity and consequences, if only for Emmy's sake because it really felt like the writers dropped her in the deep end for the amount of hate Allison got for it.

There are probably more things, but it is getting late and this is getting long. I adore this show, but my god does it leave so much potential on the floor. Leaves us lots to write ourselves because of that, I suppose as a silver lining.

[pupyuj]

CAN WE GET SOME MORE GAEUL CONTENT‼️⁉️

she’s so babygirl that it hurts

I just wanna grab her tiny waist and ruin her haha jk, unless?

i gotchu anon WE NEED MORE GAEUL CONTENT IN GENERAL unpopular opinion but she’s very baby daddy to me too and in this essay i will—i’m joking… THAT’S A DRABBLE FOR ANOTHER DAY EHEHUEE 🤫🤫

OHOHOHO ive’s gaeul-unnie being this strong figure for the little ones :(( she’s their pillar! but when it comes to you all that just evaporates into the air 🫣 she really doesn’t know what it is! every touch, every smile, everything and anything you say to her just makes her mind go blank and before you know it she’s absolutely putty in your hands 😳 it's so amusing to see for the younger members! ☺️ you coming over their dorm without a warning and surprising gaeul w the prettiest flowers and the yummiest donuts that you let the other members snack on, of course 😭 ugh gaeul being so charmed and enamoured that she kinda just lets you do anything you want to her?? ya'll are watching a movie in her room and she has no problem allowing you to pull her to your lap and touch her underneath the blankets... your cold fingertips being such a nice contrast against her warm skin.. how could she not whimper under your touch??

ofc you'd have to tell her to be quiet or else the girls will find out and tease her to no end!! and gaeul does try her hardest, she really does! but her efforts go to waste when you start playing with her tits underneath her shirt and rub her cunt through her panties :< and it looks like she's trying to stop you with the way she's squeezing her legs together and holding onto your wrist as if to pull it out of her shorts but really, she's torn between letting you fuck her completely or just tease her! "love, can i touch you?" you'd ask knowing damn well what the answer would be 😵‍💫 ugh gaeul was so whipped for you that it was her that decided to lay down on the bed and pull you on top of her...

kissing her neck would be enough to completely melt her down! she absolutely loves the way you kiss her :(( it was so addictive! gaeul suddenly grinding her cunt on your thigh when she's usually so patient and actually prefers when you take your time with her?? oh, she must be so desperate to get off! gaeul doesn't even care that she looks so unlike the 'eldest' of the ive family—when you're around, no titles matter to her. just you, and the way you make her feel.

but yeah no, it's totaly so easy to ruin her! with enough degrading words in her ear and about three fingers inside her tight cunt, gaeul would be gone 😵‍💫 just a moaning, whimpering mess underneath you who can't get a grasp of the situation bcs, well, you were just too good at what you do :(( "can you take it, hon?" you'd ask,, which is of course was useless considering gaeul can barely hear her own thoughts with the way you stretched her out while you spread your fingers inside her and the fact that you knew that she can take anything 🫣 "useless.. i was hoping you'd put up more of a fight..." saying this with a pout, deeply upsetting gaeul bcs oh no you were unsatisfied but also turning her on bcs... well, she's a slut for you, what did you expect.

"(y/n)-ah.. more... i can take it... p-please, more..."

"aw, that's right.. good girl." gosh, gaeul could cum from that alone.. her ending up hugging you as you thrusted your fingers inside her in a rapid pace :(( whining in your ear and just begging for you to completely break her bcs she needed it! especially when she has been so busy taking care of the members... being able to relax and be used like this was a blessing and thank fucking god for you while she's at it 🤭

who else is part of the clingy gaeul after fucking agenda bcs hello that's totally her!! refusing to let you go anywhere and practically trapping you underneath her bcs even your aftercare was to die for!! 🥺 but trust that after gaeul has recovered that she'll start something up again! babygirl just needs so much love rn and she knows you can provide that and more 😋💕

[sehodreams]

Have you seen the discussion around wonbin's short height? Can you think of a way to make his short height sexy and dark? Maybe his short stature gives the illusion that he's weak or a pushover but in fact his aura is huge and intimidating? idk i trust your ideas are better teehee

Summary: You wanted to try something new, and your sweet classmate was the perfect option, but what happens when the kind little boy feels insulted when you call him a virgin? Of course he makes you say you're sorry.

WC: 5.7K

TW and tags: nerd!dom!Wonbin x sub!plus size!reader (I feel she’s something more but I have no idea what to call her), hard dom!Wonbin, spitting, hair pulling, use of names (slut, whore), extreme dubcon, a part of noncon, teasing, mocking, overstimulation, use of sex toys, use of the term virgin as an insult, spanking, masturbation, lots of filthy stuff.

Comment: Sorry for taking so long, I can’t write short stuff, I’m trying, but I end up writing these long ass stories because even if my english vocabulary is lacking, the filthiness of my mind not lol. This is dark, if you don’t like this kind of content please just scroll. Also, the hair pulling scene was inspired from @///403tarot and his reading for Wonbin, i just can't stop thinking about it, thank you lord. (edit: I hope you like it anon, sorry if it's not what you expected)

You had a type, you weren't exactly sure if it was because you liked how they looked or how they made you feel, but all the boys you dated were almost identical, from the height to the roughness of their hands, the callouses they had from training were always on the same spots and they even acted the same way, because they always cheated on you.

You didn't know why, but those fit guys always looked your way, as if conquering you was the next step in their bulking plan, and you accepted because you loved to feel small by their side, it was pretty difficult to find boys that made you feel like that, protected and tender, because you were a big girl, and also you didn't have much option since most boys around preferred skinny girls, so you didn't have much experience meeting other kind of boys that caught your attention.

"Maybe you should try something different, you never know, it doesn't have to be a lanky guy, but maybe you could start with younger boys, I've heard they're fun too" your friend said, and you nodded, if you wanted something different you had to break the pattern, but with who?

You looked at your options around, there were a few cute guys in your classes, and even if you were big, you wouldn't accept just anyone, you had to like them, so maybe Anton from philosophy could be a good option, he was younger than you, or Eunseok from social studies, he was your age, but lanky as hell, Sungchan from history?, he was kind of a gym bro too, but not like your exes, and he was more sweet than normal, maybe that could work.

You were thinking about it when Wonbin sat next to you and pulled a folder out of his backpack "I know we had until the weekend to send the essay but I've been free these days and I already finished it, I did your part so you didn't have to, but I brought it in case you wanted to change something" he shyly moved the folder your way, giving you a soft smile.

Sweet Wonbin, with his squared glasses and his ugly ass flannels, he always knew what to do to make you happy, maybe he could be a good option, he was different from your usual type, short and skinnier than normal, and pretty instead of handsome, he'd have never caught your attention before, but he was nice, so you could at least do him a little favor and let him touch a real girl, because even if it sounded bad, you were sure he had never done it before, you just had to see the way his eyes avoided yours when you talked, or the anime girl he had on his phone background.

"Wonbin you're the best!" You said, making him smile more, "I was about to talk to you actually, my computer's been acting weird these days and I was wondering if you could come to my house and check it, I heard you fixed Shotaro's laptop not long ago" You asked, touching his arm and looking at him with your doe eyes. Your computer was fine, but you wanted to be alone with him, and you knew he'd do anything for you.

Just like you expected, he nodded eagerly, telling you he was free whenever you needed him.

And like that, the next day you had him in your room, both of you in front of your computer sitting shoulder to shoulder, he telling you something about you not needing to invest in some antivirus because he could install you one for free, and you nodding to everything he said, watching his slender fingers write stuff you didn't understand on the keyboard.

He had finished quick, not finding anything out of normal, telling you to call him in case your computer acted weird again, so he could immediately see what was wrong.

You thanked him and offered him a cup of tea before he left, sitting next to him on the little table on the floor next to your bed. You decided to make some conversation while he finished his tea, "thank you so much Wonbin, my boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, was the one who checked my computer, you have no idea how much I appreciate your help" you said.

He nodded, "it's nothing, don't worry" he murmured. You didn't know how to approach the idea of you two having a date, so you waited for him to talk, but he didn't.

You were like that for an uncomfortable minute, so you started to ramble about school stuff while he continued drinking his tea, at least he seemed more at ease after he laughed to something you said. You were about to show him some papers you had in one of your drawers, crawling to your desk since it was just next you, but when you went back to where you were sitting you saw him stiff, with his backpack covering his lap.

You didn't have to be a genius to know what he was hiding, you just didn't expect it to happen so fast, you had showed him a flash of the back of your thighs, and he was already like that, you expected him to be a virgin, but to that point? it was even kind of laughable.

He was looking down to his cup, fingers playing with the handle, not daring to directly look at you, a bit too shy for you, but you saw the opportunity and took it, "everything okay?" you asked him. You were on your knees, chest close to him, and your hand brushed his arm to make him look at your direction.

The air got hotter and you saw him gulp, this was new, kind of exciting, to see a boy be like that, you were too used to the brute kind of man that would have already pushed you to the floor to take you and seeing him so nervous was kind of fun too.

Your eyelids fluttered, almost closing, and your mouth approached him, he looked at you, waiting, and didn't move when you kissed him, it was more a fast peck on the lips, pulling away as fast as you gave it to him, just a little teasing for him to make the next move.

You held your breath, the tip of your nose touching his and expecting a kiss back, but he only talked, "I... I shouldn't, I have a partner".

"What?" You said shocked with his answer, immediately moving back and away from his face, you just couldn't believe it, you were there, offering yourself to that boy, and he already had a girlfriend? Since when? You had never seen him maintain a conversation with another girl who wasn't you, and if you were honest, luckily you had seen him with two or three friends. Still, you felt bad for talking with that tone to him, as if it was unbelievable that someone liked him, "No, I'm sorry, that sounded really bad, I didn't mean too, I just... I didn't expect you to have a girlfriend."

"Why would you say that?" He said, frowning his eyebrows to your shock.

"Oh, it's just... I don't know, I thought since you always go around alone and you're an..." You didn't finish your sentence, you just looked at him, not knowing how to fix your mistake.

"Wow, so you think no one could like me because of the things I like? You're fat and everyone thinks you're a slut, but I don't say those things to you" he spat back.

You stood up, he was in your house, insulting you, when you only wanted to get closer to him? "What the fuck? Wonbin, that's too much", he could reject you, but not like that. "Get the fuck out of my house" you told him, opening your door for him to leave your room. He stood up too, walking to you, and he was about to do it, to end that interaction and leave your house, until you talked again, "that's what I get for trying to help a fucking virgin."

The room got tense, you crossed your arms, waiting for him to leave, and he was glaring at you, still, as if he had any right to be mad with you.

His gaze made you uncomfortable after a long minute, he was watching you with a serious face you had never seen before, and the air was heavy, like taunting you, but you maintained the eye contact, not letting win.

"Apologize" he demanded, making you snicker, who the hell he thought he was?

"Or what? Virgin" you answered, tired of his little mind game.

His eyes didn't flicker, unmoved with your behavior, tired of your bullshit, he talked again. "Sit" he said, looking extremely pissed off, and you don't know why, but when you saw how his eyes got darker and his whole demeanor changed, you felt he was going to do something, and it kind of intimidated you, but it also made you curious, so you took your old spot without question.

He was coldly staring at you from where he was, then, he walked in front of you, standing while you sat there on your knees and looked up to him, not knowing why, but expecting him to talk or do something. "Do you think everyone is as easy as you? You should respect you and others more, no one likes a dumb slut."

You scoffed, not believing his words. "At least I get laid" you talked back with a grin on your face.

He showed you the same grin and grabbed your chin, making you look at him in the eyes, "do you really not know what they say about you? Everyone knows you're just a hole waiting for some dick to fill her, they all talk about it, how you're fucking disgusting, a fat bitch waiting for someone to look her way so she can get fucked, they say your pussy is so used you're not even fun to fuck anymore."

The way he said that sent a shiver through your back, hurting you and the little dignity you had, making your eyes get slightly wet, but you blinked and made those tears go back.

"Then why are you still here?" You spat, resentful with him, he wasn't the sweet boy you thought he was, and he was starting to agitate you.

"You need to see that not everything goes your way, and that you can't go around behaving like a dumb whore, it's not cute at all, but don't worry, after I finish with you, you'll be a good girl again, like when we met, before those jerks filled your brain with their stupidity" he said that so sure of himself, full of disdain, his shoulders suddenly appeared bigger and you felt small down there.

"What are you going to do, fuck me? Don't you think that's silly considering I brought you here for that?" He shook his head to your question.

"Believe me, what I'm going to do to you will make you wish you hadn't brought me here" You wanted to ask what he meant with that, but he had started to unfasten his belt, being clear on what he was about to do. "From now on, you can only talk if I ask you something, apart from that I want you to do what I tell you and shut up."

"What the-" you couldn't finish your sentence, his hand had been too fast for you to pay attention to it, and had slapped your face so loud the sound of it echoed in the room, leaving you shaken on your knees, and just how he wanted, silent.

"I've been clear, I hate stupid questions, you're a big girl and you should understand what I say when I say it" you hated him, you hated how he was treating you, you hated the tone of his voice, as if he had any authority over you, you hated him so much, or at least that's what you thought, you couldn't understand why suddenly there was a fire starting on your lower abdomen, and why your pussy was hurting so much you had to clench your thighs right there in front of him, "never forget it, I don't like to repeat myself"

You didn't move, not even a nod, he didn't ask you anything, so you stayed there in silence, on your place, making him smile in result, pleased with you.

"Now be good and come here", he had sat on the border of your bed and patted his lap, you saw the belt on his hand and your eyes got wet again, afraid of what he was about to do to you. Seconds went by and you didn't move, which made his face get a little red. He closed his eyes and sighed, annoyed with you, "you want me to get angry?"

You denied with your head, eyes big and frightened. You stood up immediately, in front of him, you were about to sit on his lap when he stopped you.

"Face down, ass up"

It couldn't be possible, was he about to spank you? What were you, a fucking kid?

You wanted to protest, feeling incredibly insulted, but with just a glance from him he made you do it, you lied over him, feet dangling in the air, ass in front of him over the expansion of his thighs, and your face down, hiding from him. Ashamed, you couldn't stop the little tears from falling down your cheeks.

His hand lifted the little fabric of your skirt and showed most of your skin, little of it covered only by the thin panties you were wearing, "What do you say, should we start with five? And I want you to count them out loud" you gulped, you had never been spanked before, even less with a belt, you had no idea how painful it would be and that made you feel anxious, your ass hadn't even been touched and you already felt your skin tingling and your pussy leak.

His hand grabbed your hair and he made you lift your face. Your cheeks were damp from your tears and your eyes found his, an exasperated look all over his face, glasses falling down his nose and tongue pushing the inside of his cheek, "do you want me to hurt you? Why aren't you answering?"

"No, I'm sorry" you answered, eyes shaking from his tone.

"Then talk, use your words, I told you to start with five, but now they'll be ten" his grip was hurting your scalp, and you wanted to cry because of how unfair he was being, but you didn't want to make him even more angry, so you accepted it.

"Yes, I'll count, I promise" you said how you could, your voice breaking in your throat.

He let your hair go and you sighed, relieved, but that didn't last long, his hand pried inside your panties, molding your ass with his hand, and then he cupped your pussy, so wet you could feel little drops falling out of you, "fuck, look at this slut, already dripping when I haven't even touched you", he pulled your panties down your thighs and you felt the air touch your naked cunt.

He caressed your skin, appreciating the size of your ass and its form, so round it invited his hand to grope it. He liked it, he always thought about doing it when you were in class, when you walked to the front to talk to the professor or to some of your friends, he stayed on his seat, watching it move from side to side with every step, teasing a place inside his mind he had never paid attention to, because he didn't know how much he could like a curvy girl until he met you, with your tight blouses showing the size of your chest, or your skirts that sometimes showed more than what was considered appropriate, but he always admired you from afar, everyone knew you had a type, those assholes addicted to the gym, and they always flew around you, not leaving anyone else an opportunity to approach you.

He actually liked that you invited him, but he knew you didn't like him, he saw it in your eyes, for you he was just something new and funny to play once, and he didn't want to be just a fuck, he wanted to be something else, when you met you were the sweetest girl he ever saw, sharing your notes with him and including him in work groups, but you changed, and you started to look at him the same way the others did, so you judging him was enough to push the little restraint he had, because no one, especially you, the campus whore, was going to insult him like that.

You were getting used to the felling of his hand touching your skin, even enjoying it, when you felt the first whip, "One!" You screamed almost like a reflex. You hadn't noticed when he grabbed his belt, but the sting of it over your bottom made you dizzy and your lungs couldn't accept the air you tried to breath for a long second, feeling a burning pain.

"Good, continue like that, don't get distracted" he adverted. You nodded how you could, arms and legs shaking from the impact.

"Two!" If you thought the first hurt, the second was even worse, the hot sensation had moved through your skin, burning more of it, almost until your thighs, nerves sending little shocks all around.

You felt the leather accessory brush your back and slowly go down to your ass, finding at some point your pussy lips, he didn't put any pressure over it, but your body moved on its own and lifted your hips, trying to make more contact against the belt.

"Needy whore" he called you, making your pussy throb and you whine.

He continued like that, spanking, teasing, and caressing. You felt your skin irritated, almost brazing, as if your live flesh was already there after all the hits, you were just in the seventh spank when you had cried loud enough for your voice to echo through the whole house, but no one was there, and even if you prayed, no one would be able to help you.

"Eight!" Your voice was loud and clear, tears uncontrollably falling down your cheeks and pussy clenching around nothing, his pants surely had a big wet spot after your pussy dripped all over them and you tried to find any way of pain appeasement rutting to his thigh.

You could feel his boner touch the side of your hip and you didn't need to see it to know it was big, and that, if he didn't fuck you after all those punches, you would suffer even more than with his spanks, because your pussy was so painfully untouched you would go crazy in any second.

Without noticing, you were already in the tenth hit, but before he did it, he opened your folds with his fingers, to see your poor cunt, it was so wet it was shining down then lights of your room, and the second he opened them a line of your wetness started to visibly drop down his thigh.

"Another rule, you can't cum if I don't give you permission" he said, middle finger tracing up and down your slit, poking your hole and then ignoring it to go to your clit and press it.

Your thighs were shaking, you wanted his finger to enter your cunt, you needed it, you wanted to beg but you were afraid of how he'd react, so you didn't, only nodding to him and his order.

The last spank arrived and you screamed the number full of pain, exhausted and somehow elated at the same time, it's over, you thought gladly.

But your body didn't think the same, with that last stroke your pussy had leaked and made a mess over his pants, and he angrily grabbed you by the hair to look at him in the eyes "I told you that you couldn't cum, stupid bitch" he spat, lips moving with fury.

"I didn't-I didn't, I swear" you cried, your hands were over your bed, trying to maintain you in the position he had pulled you to not be as painful as the first time.

"Shut up, now you're talking back? On all your fours" you crawled out of his lap, still wearing your stretched out panties mid thighs and heavily breathing.

You didn't dare to look at him, only hearing him move behind you, situating behind you and opening your ass cheeks with both palms, spitting over your little hole and making you jolt.

You trembled, what if he wanted to fuck your ass? You had never been fucked there, and just the thought made you gulp the saliva accumulating inside your mouth.

Did you want it or not? You didn't know.

"If you weren't such a slut I would've fuck you good long ago, but I thought you only liked steroid dicks, what made you change your mind?" He asked, thumb incredibly close to your little unused hole "have you ever been fucked in the ass?"

"I don't like them, they like me" you said, sound muffled by your pillow "and no, never."

He pressed his thumb, satisfied with your answer, pushing it inside your ass, making your pussy clench of need.

You moaned, no one had played with that place before, and your slick had lubricated you enough, making his touch feel even better, a weird but good sensation.

"Such a pretty hole, sadly you won't get fucked today" he slapped his length against your ass cheek, and you moaned again, you didn't know when he had taken out his dick, but it had you squirming, it felt big, and you were sure it'd hurt if he fucked you.

Your toes curled, it was so wrong, you shouldn't want him, you thought about asking him to stop, you couldn't let him use you, he was unpredictable, you would've never imagined the strength and authority he had, it was so different from his usual self, the Wonbin he had shown to the world wasn't this one at all, where was the lame otaku you shared classes with? You approached him because you thought he'd be soft and even weak, listening to anything you wanted, you just wanted some fun and to try something different, and this was different, but not the way you expected.

"What are you thinking about? I told you to not get distracted" he asked after some time, his hands kept moving around your curves, but when you stopped whining, he knew something else was in your head.

"Can-Can we stop? I'm sorry for what I said, happy?" you spoke, wanting to stop and rest, your ass cheeks were stinging, and you had no idea what was going through his head, which honestly made you fear of his next action, because if he wasn't going to fuck you, what was he going to do?

His hands stopped and you felt his weight fall behind you, eyes all over you, but you continued there, ass up, thighs closed and face against your pillow, waiting for him to talk.

"Okay" you couldn't believe it, you were free, you sighed, relieved for it to end. You stood up, arms and legs shaking, your underwear that was mid thighs fell down and you didn't care, you kick it out of your feet and pulled down your skirt, you were still dressed, so that was good enough for you, you didn't have time to pay attention to how dirty you were, slick dripping out of you with every movement, you just wanted to get out of your room as soon as possible, to hide in your bathroom and wait for him to leave with the protection of being alone in a secluded room, away from him.

You were about to give your first step when you felt a grip on your hair pulling you back with force to the bed, making your body fall on your back and yelp of surprise.

Your body bounced over the mattress, and you saw him laugh loudly, that same laugh you had seen many times before when you joked around him, but this time directed to you, "did you really believe me? You can fuck yourself with your fake ass apology, it only makes me think that I should really fuck the stupidity out of your head before you get worse".

You gasped for air, your chest was heavily trying to breathe again, and your heart was beating fast, full of fear.

"Now, be good and tell me where you have your vibrator, and don't you dare lie to me, dating all those one pump chump, I'm sure you haven't had a proper orgasm unless you played with yourself" even without his warning you wouldn't have lied to him, you knew better than that. You pointed the second drawer on your bedstand, making him grin.

It was magic wand, a powerful vibrator that you received as a gift from your friends, a friendly joke within the group, but you hadn't used it that much, too afraid of its intensity.

He didn't waste any time, he turned it on and the buzzing sound made you close your eyes, turning the front of your body down and grabbing your pillow for comfort, you knew he was a about to ruin you, and that there was no way of scaping him.

He came back to you and smacked your ass, your ass was red and irritated from his first punishment, and it hurt you like hell, making you scream loudly over your pillow, which muffled it as much as it could.

Still, he laughed again, and grabbing your hips he made you go back to your past position, on all fours with your face down, embarrassed from being like that in front of him.

You heard the buzz get closer to you and when it finally touched your clit you cried, you were sensitive after all the teasing and just a brush of it was enough to make your whole body jolt.

He was mocking you at first, pressing and pulling away in seconds, again and again, making you whimper from desperation.

"Don't forget, you can't cum until I allow you" his hand hit you again and you sobbed.

"Yes" you answered loud.

His hand touched your spine, making your back arch even more, pussy trying to find your touch.

He didn't wait anymore, he pressed the head of the toy against your whole cunt, making you moan loudly and hug tighter your pillow, your hips moving back and forth.

"Fuck that feels good" his dick was also against the vibrator, pushing the toy even more to you with his hips bucking, as if he was fucking you when he was feeling the same vibrations as you, a bit less intense, but still good against him.

It drove you crazy, it was insane how good you were feeling, and he wasn't even fucking your insides, you had no idea masturbation could be that intense, and with him, your face was flushed, your forehead sweaty, your hair was a mess, and you were leaking so much of your juices it was almost like you were cumming.

"Shit" your hips were frantically moving against him, ass jiggling and the perfect image of you fucking yourself, you crying of pleasure without stop, making his hand tighten his grasp on your waist, feeling the extra skin of your tummy with his fingers.

"Are you about to cum?" He asked, you were buckling your hips too much against him, which was a sign of it.

"Yes! Yes!" You said, the orgasm was so close you saw little spots when you closed your eyes and you wanted him to let you cum, you needed to cum.

He had other plans for you, so he pulled away, not letting the toy touch you anymore.

"Why?" You howled, shamelessly shaking your ass for him to press it again, receiving another spank as a result.

"You don't ask, you obey, so shut up" he stated. You bite your lip, tears falling and clit throbbing, it was so close, so close and so unobtainable at the same time, it made you feel hopeless.

"Take your top off and look at me" you obeyed him without doubt, you took your top and your bra off and sat on your knees, looking at him and still biting your lip to not talk when you shouldn't.

You were both sitting in front of each other, but he was completely dressed, just his dick out of his pants and his belt thrown away in some place in your room, while you, on the other hand, only wore your skirt, which had the front and back of it drenched from all your juices.

You showed him your tits, waiting for him to touch you and make you cum, it was sick, it revolved your stomach, but you needed that orgasm like you had no idea, now having tasted it so close, how could you let it slip away?

"Pretty slut" he said, both hands going to each tit and playing with them, fingers pinching your nipples to then grope them, making little tears fall your eyes, and when he slapped one of them, you felt even a worst sting on your breast than on your ass, making a heartbroken cry scape your mouth.

He loved that sound so much he wanted to hear it again, you breaking down it would be impossible for you to ever forget who was the cause of all those sounds.

He moved closer, now up on his knees and looking down at you. He was short, but in that moment, you saw him fucking immense, making you feel insignificant compared to him.

His hand went to your hair, you expected him to hurt you, flinching, but he pet you instead, ruffling your hair and nodding to you, "cum", he said.

You didn't understand why he said that, but then you heard the buzz of the toy again, getting close to your clit, making you smile and open your legs as much as you could to receive it.

It felt so fucking good, his hand on your hair was now a grip but you didn't care, you couldn't feel anything else that wasn't the toy against you.

However, it was weird, a pain was growing inside you, making you try to squirm away after some time, "No-", you tried to stop him, that weird sensation was still in your abdomen, increasing with each second, a hot pressure that made your pussy clench and throb strongly.

"I didn't ask you, I want you to cum, so you'll cum" he said, pushing the little button to the maximum, the power was so strong you chocked with your own saliva and you coughed before you could talk again.

"Wait! Wait!" You repeated, his grip on your hair was still there, strong, and your face was red of tears falling down your cheeks. Your pussy was being so abused your body had started to convulse and your hips jolted with every vibration of the toy.

Was that a real orgasm? You didn't know it would be so aggressive, you didn't know how it would feel, but it was almost like dying, a sensation that completely terrified you.

He didn't move a single inch away, he was biting his lip and his face showed a grin from ear to ear.

A pitched sound came out of your throat, you were cumming so hard streams of your orgasm were dripping down his hand and onto the bedsheets, but he didn't stop, and the overstimulation was starting to be more and more painful. You tried to move your hips away, but he didn't let you, his hand with the toy would follow your body, not letting you scape at all.

"Are you sorry now?" He asked after he finally pulled away the toy from you, letting you breathe and regain some of your consciousness.

You nodded to his question, you were sorry, you didn't mean to bother him so much, you should've thought twice before talking, you really didn't know your punishment would be like that.

His hand impacted on your cheek again, you couldn't move your head and he took advantage of that to give you a strong slap, shaking your mind and making your eyes blurry, and then, when you cried and loudly said you were sorry, he tapped softly the same cheek he had slapped seconds ago, "I told you, you're a big girl and you should use your words if you didn't want to make me mad"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I was bad, forgive me, please" you begged, sobbing and deeply regretting having teased him.

"That's the apology I was waiting from you, well done" he let your hair finally free, sitting next to you and jerking his cock with your orgasm on his hand. You, about to crumble over the bed, legs hurting and mind too hazy to think properly, only watched him moving his hand over his length. "I think you learned your lesson today, but you need more training, don't you think so?"

You should be disgusted with him and how he acted, your whole body was in pain, and you saw dark dots all around you, your eyesight full of them and at the same time focused on his hand and what he was doing, and you were sure your pussy and your ass cheeks would be in pain for many days later because of how much he abused you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to reproach him.

You had learned may things that day, and you should appreciate that, how you shouldn't judge a book for its cover, how you shouldn't misbehave and talk back, and that you didn't like big guys because they made you feel small, you just liked to feel small.

He had done a question, so you, just like he taught you, answered it, "Yes, I still have much to learn".

[slytherinshua]

PRODUCTIVITY AT ITS FINEST

genre. fluff. warnings. kissing. physics (ew) except i've never been in a proper physics class before so i hope that formula is right otherwise rip. not proofread. pairing. ryo x fem!reader. wc. 905. request. requested by 🪐 anon. a/n. i swear ryo keeps surprising me because once i knew he was a troublemaker i was like oh well he must've been a bad student too BUT NO HE WAS TOP OF HIS CLASS??? EXCUSE ME??? anyway ryo slays so hard and keeps surprising me every single day lmao.

“Ugh, this essay is stupid. I can’t believe we didn’t even get to pick the topic from a list! How are they expecting us to write a good essay when the topic is already picked for us? I didn’t even read the chapters of the book I’m supposed to write about…” You glared at the screen of your computer, a completely empty document open with merely the date and your name on the page. How were you going to get a one thousand word essay to appear on the page? You had no idea. 

“Did you read the chapters, by any chance?” You asked as a final resort, turning to your boyfriend who was pretending to be asleep on the table.

He opened one eye, “Not a chance. I used sparknotes.” 

“Of course you did.” You groaned, glancing at the essay prompt and back to your empty page. “But you finished the essay last week…” Dating the top student in your class should’ve meant you also had an easier time. At least, that’s what you had originally thought. You hadn’t heeded Sakuya’s warnings when he told you that Ryo was just smart, lazy, and lucky. He didn’t even have to study.

“Study dates are overrated. Like, we’re not even being productive.” Ryo pointed out, clicking his mechanical pencil repeatedly, not a single mark having been made on his physics worksheet. 

“Who said this was a date?” You questioned, slouching back against the couch.

“Wasn’t it a date? Is it not?” Ryo sat up, giving a disappointed look at you.

“I mean… I guess it could be? We’re not doing anything very… date-like.”

“True…” Ryo crossed his arms, thinking about something. “What if we just… traded?” 

You raised an eyebrow, “Should I really trust you to write my essay?” 

He shrugged, “Like you said, I already finished mine. Better that I write it than for you to just sit there not writing it, right?” He pointed out. He was right, you had to give him that. Minutes later you were staring down at his physics homework, getting to work on the first problem. You had finished about half of the worksheet when you heard Ryo shut the laptop.

“You can’t have finished already—” 

Ryo pouted, “This date sucks.” 

You ignored his complaint and went back to the worksheet, knowing he would probably get over it and open the computer again in a few minutes. Probably.

Instead, he crept closer to you, resting his chin on your shoulder, his fluffy hair tickling your cheek. But, you still tried to focus on the work. There was a chance that he was just feeling a bit clingy and after a few minutes he’d go back to work. Right?

Wrong.

“You’re doing it wrong.” He said quietly, “The formula for wavelength is speed divided by frequency. There’s no multiplication in this question.” 

“You were the one who wanted me to do this for you, dumbass!” You defended, dropping the pencil in defeat, “Physics goes way over my head every time. You’ve seen my test scores.” 

Ryo lifted his head off your shoulder, crossing his arms, “Well, I didn’t know you’d be this dumb. They give you the formula right there!” He pointed to the top of the paper where the formulas were indeed listed. Okay… maybe you were dumber than you thought.

You bit your lip, trying to calm the steaming anger that was brewing in your head over your stupidly smart attractively so boyfriend, “What about my essay? Did you even write anything?”

“Well, no. But if I did, I would’ve done better than you on the physics.” 

You sighed, “This is a waste of our time…” 

“Agreed.” 

“There’s probably something more productive we cou—” In the blink of an eye, your boyfriend had shoved you down onto the floor (gently), pinning your hands over your head and hovering over you with a mischievous grin that you were a bit wary of.

“What are you doing?” You whispered, your voice barely coming out louder than a whisper from your shocked (and quite flustered) state.

“Something more productive.” He said simply, before capturing your lips with his before another second passed. You couldn’t argue that his idea of productivity was much more in line with yours. You would take the taste of his lips over confusing physics problems any day. 

After dating Ryo for over a year, kissing him was like second nature. Your hands found their place in his hair, threading through the soft locks, using it to pull his face closer to yours. Maybe it was just that the kiss felt that good, or maybe it was wanting to avoid the homework for as long as possible, but neither you nor Ryo wanted it to end. 

By the time you both sat up again, your heads clearing from the dizzying kiss and the aftertaste of your cherry lip balm lingering on both of your lips, Ryo’s hair was a complete mess. You giggled and started to fix it for him, combing your fingers through the small tangles that had developed. His face was cutely flushed, a stark contrast to his previous confidence.

“So,” He cleared his throat before continuing, “Maybe we should get back to work?”

“Yeah… sounds like a good plan.” You said, not an ounce of your focus on the physics or essay, but entirely on Ryo’s red lips, slightly swollen from your lips.

↳ nct wish taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @kangtaehyunzzz,, @eternalgyu,, @lexeees,, @nyukyusnz,, @planetkiimchi,,

@haecien,, @talkingsaxy,, @thesunsfullmoon,, @hursheys

[hana-no-seiiki]

Lmao hi i saw you wanted hsr requests-

(man, its so weird to request off anon im sorry 💀)

I still dunno which characters to choose so its up to you but how about yandere character and an Aeon of Love whos quick to fall in love and adore, but just as quick to throw away things that no longer interest them?

YOU CARVED OPEN MY HEART, CAN’T JUST LEAVE ME TO BLEED !

YANDERE AEONS / VARIOUS! HSR x READER

note: this fic is more of proof of concept rather than an actual fic, if you want a more specific scenario feel free to request one through my asks!

warnings: yandere themes, canon divergence.

status: unedited

“

I met with the Snowbird once.

That was all it took for me to be captured within their spell.

To wish for the ability to fly with their holy being once spring came.

An impossible dream that was.

Yet still its honeyed promises of seeing the snowbird once again lured me into this path.

This path of love and despair.

“

— Pope of the Philian Church.

DATA BANK

DATA LOG 01 - I

[Y/N]. The God of Philandering. Snowbird. The Great Majesty of Romance. Their Wintry Excellency. Avem In Perpetua Fuga.

Aeon of Philia.

Some might call them the Aeon of Love but does love really come with a massive fear of commitment and the ease of which they left their significant others? Many scholars that studied the Aeon think not.

Their fickle, almost apathetic nature however did little to dissuade people and other gods alike from falling in love.

You see, [Y/N] was an expert, quite literally the best, when it comes to persuasion and seduction. In contrast to IX whose presence creates madness, theirs made the normal human being almost fall to their knees in religious fervor. Only those blessed by other Aeons could ever hope to escape or endure such an overwhelming aura.

The other gods themselves weren’t completely immune to their charms. One cannot help but be curious as to how a singular being was able to attain the infatuation of such powerful existences . . .

. . . and who exactly that singular being is.

In any case, as one would expect from an Aeon of Romance, the [Y/N] faith is never short of passionate poetry.

Here’s one I found in the General of Xianzhou’s office of all places. Perhaps he might be a follower of theirs? It is quite laughable to think of the great Jing Yuan dabbling in literature when avoiding duties.

“Your love scorched my mind.

Tortured my soul.

Hollowed my body.

But in this pain,

Thoughts of your presence and light,

Dull the blade you sheathed within me.

I await your return,

and your claim over the heart you’ve carved out of me.”

DATA LOG 2 - ADORETH

Perhaps those scholars were being a bit too harsh. A god of love must have extremely high standards for their partner. Perhaps those partners were simply foolish, delusional to believe they’d be enough for them.

It is a popular theory that all Aeons used to live peacefully amongst one another until the Great Majesty of Romance threw the world into chaos. The youth nowadays have written several essays alluding to their idea that it was what jumpstarted paths such as the Destruction and Elation. No evidence of such happenings have come out so far.

In my opinion? If anything the Aeon of Elation, Aha would be the bringer of chaos not the other way around. I suspect that the bias and warnings taught to the masses against worshipping or even studying [Y/N], has led to this kind of popular belief.

DATA LOG ? ¿ ? - THEE

Why ?

Why is it that they won’t come back ?

I have devoted my entire life to clearing their name. I have spent countless nights agonising on the proper words to use when describing their Wintry Excellency.

Why then would they not praise me ? Why then would they not grace me with their presence once more ? Was it all a mirage ? A tantalising dream made to inflict pain on my soul?

. . . Perhaps it is because I have chosen the wrong path.

. . .

Yes.

Yes it’s all my fault.

I should have devoted my entire life to worship not just studies.

How moronic of me !

A god of love would never be so cruel. No.

They are simply waiting. Waiting for the day, I come to them.

That was where everyone else was wrong. And I . . . will be right.

©️ hana.no.seiiki - yun | 2023

[sarahreesbrennan]

sorry if you have already answered this, but are we getting any queer rep in Long Live Evil? 💕 i am super excited to see what you've cooked up for us either way!

I came back after I'd gone off on one, seeing the post had struck a chord and being thankful but fearful of my inbox. Let me say with delighted surprise that all the asks are very kind.

Thank you for this one, sweet anon. I am so excited and so nervous about my best beloved, Long Live Evil, and about coming back with a new book of my own after so long, when I believed for a long time it was hopeless.

I'm really grateful to find readers waiting for me. But I know readers are naturally more invested in characters they know: I extremely appreciate you taking an interest in the future.

So, short answer: YEAH you are!

Long answer: Long Live Evil wouldn't exist without its queer narratives.

C.S. Pacat and I were talking in our virtual Brookline Booksmith event recently about our favourite Disney villains. C.S. Pacat picked Maleficent, a fine choice. I picked Snow White's Evil Queen. We agreed we loved most of them.

Here's the relevant excerpt I was quoting in my last post from Carmen Maria Machado's In The Dream House, saying 'I think a lot about queer villains, the problem and pleasure and audacity of them.' Well... me too.

I think many of us have experienced feeling made wrong in some way - for not wanting what society said we should or being what we were expected to be - and that one step along that journey of discovery is going 'Okay, if it's wicked, I'll just BE wicked.' And that's part of why those characters appeal - because they seem free, and free of pain.

But modern storytelling isn't confined to coding, and audiences can now feel free to expect, not the certainty, but the possibility characters who aren't introduced as such still might actually turn out to be LGBT+. The essays I've read about Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Sherlock, Ted Lasso, Fox 9-1-1... I think the latest argued Jaime Lannister was bisexual. (Pretty persuasive.)

I remember reading the Raven Cycle going 'oh? OH.' I remember being at a writing retreat in 2013 and running through the halls screaming about Nico diAngelo. Ten years later we got a Nico diAngelo book co-written by Rick Riordan and the amazing Mark Oshiro. I watched Red, White and Royal Blue with a friend and she said 'honestly I hope the guys get together, but...' and I (having read the book) silenced myself with a herculean effort and watched her hopes come true. I didn't know about The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and almost dropped the book in a swimming pool. But I've also read and watched many things thinking, just maybe... oh, no. Still that hope existing is meaningful, the thought that if the story had gone differently, if this revelation had happened, if this realisation had happened, if, if, if...

Long Live Evil is a story about the story going differently and asking yourself questions about your own nature, and the escape to fiction of those who really need escape. The book is based on that 'if,' and the 'if' itself is joyous, and brings me back to the idea of gleefully transgressing the narrative that much villain love is based on.

It's also an ensemble story with a rogue's gallery of characters and multiple PoVs. (I was much inspired by the Six of Crows ensemble.) So it isn't about any one character's romance, and by the book's nature there exist many possibilities. A critique partner read and said 'I didn't know you were going THERE' and I responded 'Should I?'

I've never been one to confirm where stories are going, and I won't do so now. I'm not talking about any one character or telling you a direction.

I'm just saying yes to rep. It's baked in.

[elleloquently]

hello!!!! can i request a mini fic fluff ellie helps the reader with her swamped homeworks

| a/n : wrote this in my free time instead of.... you guessed it, doing homework. thank u for requesting <3 this is kinda short n sweet but i hope it will be enjoyed <3 this is dedicated to you anon, and everyone else who is absolutely overwhelmed w class

| c/w : self deprecating talk? kinda but not super serious. established relationship, ellie being a cute gf ): fluff central. kinda elle-coded 'cause reader cries

too soft for all of it - ellie williams

it took you a few seconds longer than usual to notice your phone ringing. you blinked heavily, tearing your eyes away from your bright laptop screen.

“hello?” you finally answered, stifling a yawn.

“babe, the fourth ring? you’re seriously giving me fourth ring treatment?” ellie’s voice was a welcomed change in place of the lectures you had been listening to all day.

"sorry els," you muttered halfheartedly. you glanced at your planner, frowning. you had been working at this assignment for hours, at this rate you were behind schedule.

"what's wrong?" ellie asked, her voice softer.

"nothing," you sniffed. "just school. tired."

"are we still hanging out today?" ellie asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern. you hadn't texted her for a couple hours, ellie's first indication that something was wrong.

at her question, an irritating lump began to form at the back of your throat. you were supposed to hang out with your girlfriend today. you were also supposed to catch up on your assignments- it had been an extra busy week and you felt as though you were barely holding on. you had mapped out your week, organized which assignments you were going to complete on which day. however, some things were much harder than you had expected and your brain decided to feel blue this week instead of motivated.

not completing homework meant not seeing ellie, which was undoubtedly your final straw.

"i can't," you choked out, immediately drawing more concern from ellie. "i'm so busy ellie, and i've barely got anything done-"

"hey, it's okay," ellie soothed, automatically in girlfriend mode.

"it's NOT," you groaned, causing ellie to grimace. she felt bad listening to you on the phone, not being able to handle the sound of your voice breaking. "i haven't even started my essay yet, and i have three exams to study for, THREE ellie williams, three!"

ellie held back a laugh, clearing her throat before responding. "i know babe, i'm really sorry. is there anything i can do?"

you shook your head despite being on the phone. ellie heard rustling as you switched your phone to your opposite ear, turning your attention back to your laptop. "i can't do this anymore," you mumbled.

"yes you can, you're gonna get through it," ellie murmured, listening carefully to your uneven breathing.

"i have to drop out of school," you told ellie, rubbing your eye and trying to force the tears away.

"no," ellie disagreed. she felt bad, knowing how much you were struggling. the pain in your voice was enough to make ellie want to do anything and everything for you, but she couldn't help but smile at the dramatics.

"yes," you hiccuped. "i have to drop out of school, and m'gonna be a failure forever. my family will probably hate me and... and my eyes are gonna be fuzzy forever because i have too much homework and i can't, i can't look at my laptop anymore and my head always hurts," you cried, feeling pathetically small at how quickly your eyes welled up.

"whoa," ellie tried to keep her voice even, it was a horrible time to even let out a small chuckle. "i'm really sorry babe, it's gonna b-"

"and my stomach hurts because the dining hall food sucks, i just wanna take a hot bath so bad... everybody needs to leave me alone," you complained, trying to speak normally through the tears. "except for you," you added weakly.

"phew, glad i made the cut," ellie sighed in pretend relief, something that would normally be a quick way to make you giggle.

"ellie," you whined, pouting at your laptop screen.

"i know. how about you pack your stuff?" ellie suggested, already standing to retrieve her wallet and keys.

"weren't you listening? i can't hang out, i have to-"

"quit school and have fuzzy eyes? i hear you," ellie acknowledged. "but how about you come do those things at my apartment?"

your heartbeat quickened at ellie's offer, but you felt too defeated to take it seriously. "i can't," you cried, and ellie quickly turned up the volume on her phone. you were sniffing and your voice sounded muffled.

you rested your head on your desk, gently pushing your laptop away from you.

"you wanna stay at your dorm?" ellie questioned, already knowing the answer.

"no," you sobbed, and ellie winced.

"pack your stuff then, okay? you can come and have a nice bath, and i'll help you with everything, yeah? does that sound good?" ellie coaxed, already leaving from her front door.

"okay," you agreed meekly, standing up from your desk and looking helplessly around your room. "thank you ellie," you mumbled, wiping your tear stained cheeks roughly with your sleeve.

"don't thank me, just get ready, alright? i'll be there soon."

with promises to drive safe, you quickly began throwing everything you needed to bring into a bag. your eyes felt heavy with sleep as you packed and waited, but ellie kept her word and arrived for you as quickly as she could.

you met her at the front door of your building, bag slung carelessly over your shoulder.

with swollen lips and puffy eyes from crying, ellie’s heart lurched at the first sight of you.

"i'll trade you," ellie said in a greeting, automatically taking your bag from you and presenting you with your favorite order from a cafe down the street. you gasped in surprise, eyes welling up with tears.

"ellie," you uttered, looking to her in awe.

"what?" she asked nonchalantly, taking your free hand. "anything for my favorite girl," she told you. you trudged along to ellie's car, gasping when she opened the door for you to reveal a bundle of flowers waiting in the passenger seat.

at first you were silent, but ellie's proud smile quickly disappeared from her face when you finally choked out a sob.

"what?" she panicked, glancing wide eyed from the flowers to your face. "what's wrong?"

you stared at her, tears once again slipping down your checks. "this is so sweet." your chin wobbled as you spoke, and ellie squeezed your hand.

"it's not supposed to make you cry!" ellie rushed. "it's supposed to make you stop crying." she was partly concerned, partly amused as she watched your face contort with emotion.

"it's jus' sweet," you hiccuped, blinking slowly.

"you're sweet," ellie praised, coaxing you into the car. "c'mon, let's get you back so you can rest before you crash, we don't need you to be a crybaby and grumpy," she teased.

"hey," you frowned, sniffing the flowers that you held in your lap.

"hey," ellie repeated. "i'll help you, you're gonna be just fine."

“you’re gonna make me cry again,” you warned, sensitive but holding back a smile.

“uh oh,” ellie grimaced. “let’s get you outta here, waterworks.”

“ellie!” you exclaimed, finally breaking out into a grin.

ellie swelled with pride once you finally smiled, a feeling that carried her through the evening while she helped you get through everything you were stressed about.

by the end of the night, you were feeling much better, especially considering how the day had started.

[cdragons]

Hey! I miss interacting with u, hope you are doing well :)

What is the song that will most describe farleighs and y/ns friendship?

Hey! This is really sweet, anon! THank you! I'm doing great, I have a ton of exams and projects with school that are kind of kicking my butt rn, but today's my birthday so I am excited to share that with my family!

This is a really tough one, mostly because I never expected this friendship to be so popular with everyone. Although I shouldn't be surprised because Farleigh Start was actually so superior in the movie.

Personally, I think these songs really fit them

Gimme More by Brittany Spears

Bad Girls by M.I.A

That's My Girl by Fifth Harmony (also works for Annabel and Y/N)

So What by P!nk

Is You or Is You Ain't My Baby by Louis Jordan and His Tympany Five (look up Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with this song and TELL me that this won't be the most amazing duet with the pair)

Let me know in the comments of your opnions!

I feel like this is a good opportunity to give off some headcanons to describe the vibes I get from Fareligh and Y/n! There are also just my personal headcanons of Farleigh and his story in my AU! I made up these with the help of my internet soulmate @ethereal-athalia!

Here are some headcanons of my personal take of Farleigh's backstory in my AU and in general:

Is it weird if I can see Fareligh coming from New Orleans, Louisiana? Because I can absolutely see him giving off those vibes. He would fit PERFECTLY as a New Yorker, but I can't help but feel he would thrive in the Crescent City.

Farleigh really misses the States, and a big part of the reason he parties so much is to forget how homesick he is. I find it very odd that we are given this extremely intelligent character who would no doubt thrive in an Ivy League like Yale, Harvard, or Brown, but he's stuck in England. James definitely could have just paid for his education there, so why send him to England? Furthermore, why does James cover him up so much? Is it really just because he's family?

Remember when Felix told Oliver that Farleigh got kicked out of every school in England bc he "sucked the teachers off"? First off, ew. Secondly, sure, Farleigh is a bit of a hedonist, but all of his behavior just kind of screams to me that he's really and genuinely unhappy in England and wants to go back. That might be a reason why he was so reluctant for Felix to get close to Y/N since Chapter 1 of 'Fuck Everything.'

Furthermore, it really bothers me how nonchalant Felix is about telling Oliver that piece of information. Even if he knows that Farleigh wouldn't really care, that is still very private information about a young boy who was taken advantage of by teachers who were in a position that allowed them to abuse their power.

Also, for a film that exposes so much about its characters, we really don't know a lot about Farleigh Start and his story, specifically his family in the States.

The part where Farleigh's mom is terrible with money and constantly needs handouts from her brother, James, is very realistic - that part, I believe. But I feel like there is a lot missing with his dad.

Was his dad actually as brutish and abusive as Felix said to Oliver? Personally, I don't really see it. Even at first glance, the way Farleigh carries himself is leagues different from the rest of the Cattons. He's observant and takes in details. He uses all this information as a weapon for any opponent he goes up against.

In my opinion, I could absolutely see Farleigh's dad being a completely normal and decent person with a job as a librarian or English professor. This idea is mostly stemmed from when Fareligh made the 'thus' argument against Oliver's essay at the beginning of the movie, and this seems like something Farleigh knows as if being explained about it from a very early age.

The reason I think his father is ill-portrayed is because I feel like Farleigh's mother met him while she was in America and was intrigued by his unassuming self and married him. But then she got bored because she wasn't living the high and expensive life she was living in England with her family.

Eventually, she got bored and decided to use Farleigh as an excuse to get money from James. Farleigh's dad might have wanted custody of his son but was threatened by his ex-wife that he would never see his son again.

Farleigh is aware of his mother's toxic tendencies, but she's his mother and he loves her anyway. He know she's leeching off of him to get to her brother. But what are his other options? Let her fend for herself?

This is probably so far-fetched and a huge reach, but the Cattons are portrayed as people who love to feed off their own sense of entitlement over others by showing of 'generous' and 'charitable' they are to take of other people. When anything bad happens to them, they wear it like a trophy. Maybe that's what happened with Farleigh?

NOW! Onto Farleigh and Reader (also ft. Michael Gavey bc he's bb):

Being around Y/N is like being at home for the first time in forever (cue Frozen song) for Farleigh. When they start talking, Y/N is extremely skeptical of his intentions because she thinks that he's just trying to help out Felix. But nope! He just wants a genuine friend.

Y/N makes it clear to Farleigh from the beginning that if he wants to be friends with her, he needs to be friends with Michael. Michael Gavey and Y/N L/N are a package deal. You want one? You get the other.

Farleigh keeps his friendship with Reader a secret from Felix and is helped by Annabel (our girl got a taste of true kindness, sees Felix Catton for the leech he is, and is now part of the Y/N protection club)

With Y/N, he doesn't feel the need to party or drink until he gets alcohol poisoning to have a good time. He learns to have quiet nights doing homework or playing stupid board games with made-up rules.

Michael and Y/N introduce him to DnD, and he's the classic Bard player who rolls for charisma and ends up f*cking his party out of danger every time. Michael is a paladin, and Y/N is a monk, in case you were wondering.

Y/N sometimes uses Farleigh to model for some of her portraits. She learns to appreciate him because she and Michael do need to be reminded sometimes that it's okay to cut loose at times and that spreading their wings won't kill them.

Y/N and Farleigh definitely geek out over art history and literature (symbolism, plot holes, motifs, etc.) and are BIG soul and blues fans. When they all hang out in Y/N's dorm, they will be listening to James Brown, Ella Fitzgerald, and Ray Charles till dawn.

Y/N is someone whom Farleigh can have actual mind-stimulating conversations with in a manner that's respectful but also wildly entertaining. They will discuss everything from rousing debates about politics and current events to philosophical queries about the omegaverse and mpreg.

Michael pretended he wasn't a fan until they caught him singing along to 'Hit the Road Jack' and they never let him forget it.

Also, Farleigh is a MAJOR Michael Gavey x Y/N fan. He wants them to get together SO BADLY! But he won't do this in a productive/uncomplicated way. Nonononono, he plans to make the most convoluted, dramatic, and needlessly complicated schemes to get these two nerds together for his own amusement. *Nudge* *Nudge* *Wink* *Wink*

Real talk though, Fareligh genuinely loves Y/N and her presence as a friend. He has all these expectations placed on him and fake friends who only want to be around him for his cousins. To be around someone who not only misses home like him but also truly appreciates him as an individual and not as a commodity for networking means the world to him.

If Y/N ever does go to Saltburn for the summer (*foreshadowing*), Farleigh will do everything in his power to make sure she won't get sucked into his relatives' fake and shallow schemes.

Also, as a bonus, he loves ranting and trash-talking Oliver with Y/N and Michael. It's like free therapy with better snacks because Michael always brings candy.

These are all the ones I can think of for now, but let me more in the comments or in my ask box if you want more! It really means so much that you guys love this AU so much!

Let me know if you want to be tagged in the comments for future Saltburn AU stuff!

"Fuck Everything, But Mostly Fuck You" Masterlist

Tagging: @ethereal-athalia, @arcielee, @valeskafics, @asa-do-your-thing, @aphroditesmoon, @axelsagewrites, @the1999kid, @poolnoodlerescuer, @aemondsbabe, @@winterblu2, @abaker74, @whereismymindnow, @agustdeeyaa, @iamavailablesstuff, @bonnieblue0606, @st-eve-barnes, @@nyxthoughtss, @immyowndefender, @@ilovemydinoboi, @ahristata, @cxp1d, @jinsoulorbitzen12, @temptation-waits, @bollzinurmouth, @jcngw0ns, @seababehh, @destinydestnation, @lankyboi4, @mindless-rock, @cassavacake, @paradisepoison, @@pansexualpamandabear, @erikasurfer, @@lissamans, @cookielovesbook-akie, @thesmutconnoisseur, @izzyisstuff, @lariisouz, @mioshasworld, @themorriganisamonster, @bre99, @babypinkditto

[danikamariewrites]

Hey, I saw you wanted some dark Elain requests and I loved your head canon that involved Elain growing poisonous plants so I was thinking what if Elain has become successful growing some of Prythian’s deadliest plants and is also an expert at making poisons? Maybe Reader was sent by someone to collect a potion from Elain and she’s captivated by the juxtaposition of her soft aesthetic along with her ability to be super scary with her poisons.

Then maybe Reader keeps coming back with the excuse of buying potions from Elaine when in reality she’s just throwing them away when she leaves. Elaine finds out and is really annoyed and then it is revealed to her that it was all a ruse for Reader to spend time with her. Then maybe a bit of fluff or smut once Elaine finds out the truth?? Whatever you think fits and feel like writing 💕

Totally get if this isn’t the sort of thing you are looking to write, but I had it floating about in my head and I feel like you’d be the perfect person to write it ❣️

Sorry for that essay 😂

Hope you have a lovely day! 💖

Pick Your Poison

Dark!Elain x reader

A/n: this was perfect anon! Also I’m so sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I haven’t been feeling great lately but I’m trying to get over it.

Warnings: not fully dark!elain, mentions of poison

Poking around the different elixirs laid out on the table you were careful not to touch them. Not knowing what they were capable of. Glancing around the apothecary and taking in the familiar warm scent you couldn’t help but feel at home.

Elain’s shop was odd but perfect for her. The soft pinks and greens that decorated the walls at odds with the dried up deadly bundles of plants hanging from the ceiling and walls were discerning to most. But not you. You could spend hours in the tiny shop.

Many people avoided the middle Archeron sister’s shop. The rumors of her powers mixed with her occupation of poisons kept most people away. Some were crude and called her the Weaver of Velaris, turning her into a ghost story meant to scare children. Some just claimed she was the worst kind of witch. That angered you. Elain is too sweet for that kind of treatment.

You remember the first time you came to Elain’s apothecary. Your boss had asked you to pick up a special plant (not out right of course). Knowing your boss’s business and where you were being sent you knew it was poison. Entering the shop your fingers were trembling, you didn’t know what to expect.

Elain’s sweet demeanor relaxed you as she helped you find what you were looking for. After an hour and over a hundred questions from you later you had the plants for your boss and an oil to help your hair grow faster. Since then you have made it a point to stop at Elain’s shop once a week.

Tonight you stopped on your way home from work. When you walked in the shop was empty, Elain missing from her usual spot behind the counter. You figured she was in the back with a client, so you decided to peruse. You were here to buy something anyway, your blanket excuse to see Elain.

The office door opened causing you to stand straight, abandoning the elixirs you were bent over. Elain bid the lesser fae goodbye. Once the shop door closes she turns to you, a bright smile on her face as she takes you in. “Y/n, how are you?”

You just stood there, practically gaping at her beauty, like an idiot. You always stumble over your words and blush around her. “I’m well, and you?” You stuttered out.

Fuck. You should just pick up something random and go. This conversation is already ruined, you tell yourself.

Elain was speaking to you but you couldn’t hear her over the blood rushing in your ears from nerves. A tightening sensation worked its way down from your chest to your stomach. All you could do was nod and smile at her. “Were you looking for something? Let me show you these new oils I made.” She said, that excited look she gets when talking about her creations plastered on her perfectly round face.

“Oh no! That’s ok,” you rush out. Cauldron, where was this anxiousness come from? Snatching a bundle of something from the wall you held it out to show Elain, “Just this.” Elain nods her head slowly, giving you an unsure look. You followed her to the counter, pulling out the money to pay her. Rushing your goodbye that tenseness built up in your chest to an unbearable amount.

Fleeing the shop you drop the bundle of poison, starting to jog until you knew Elain couldn’t see you.

An hour later Elain couldn’t help but go over your conversation. Did she do something wrong? She’s been doing her best not to scare you off like she has with others. You were different. Elain didn’t feel the need to draw you in and dispose of you, she wanted to keep you, forever. Even though it had only been two months you already felt like hers.

Locking the shop, Elain noticed the bundle you just purchased lying on the ground. Scowling, she bends down to pick it up. What the hell? She worked hard on each bundle of poison. Why would you do that?

Marching up the steps of your house Elain didn’t think twice about confronting you. How dare you waste her talents like this! After three quick knocks you opened the door, stunned to see Elain on your front stoop.

“Care to explain why I found this on the ground after closing?” She thrust the little bundle out for you to inspect. You stared between the poison and Elain’s angry face at a loss for words.

Elain was quickly finding herself at a loss for world (and in la la land) as she scanned your appearance. In her rage Elain didn’t realize that you were only dressed in a small nightgown, black lace lining your breasts and a thin nightgown slipping from your shoulders.

“I should probably tell you the truth,” you move aside to let her in.

Elain took in your home. The warm light and dark furniture making her feel relaxed and welcome. She followed you into the sitting room, setting her stuff down on the low lying table by the couch. As Elain sits you drape a fluffy, crème blanket around her shoulders. Elain mumbles out a thank you, shocked by your kind gesture.

Siting on the other end of the couch you picked at your nails, anxious to tell her about your feelings. You had planned to tell her earlier tonight but that building feeling in your chest stopped you. It’s been hours and though the feeling has lessened it was still there. With Elain now mere inches away from you the feeling was growing again.

“I’ve been stopping by your shop for you. I’m-I have been working up the courage to tell you that I like you. And I understand if you don’t feel the same. And I’m sorry that I just threw that on the ground, I didn’t mean to be wasteful,” you rambled on and on, looking down at your lap the whole time.

When you finished you look up to find a small smirk on Elain’s pink, plump lips. In the time you spoke she had inched closer to you. A small gap separating your thighs. You wanted to close it, to feel the warmth of her through her dress. But you restrained yourself, waiting for her response.

Elain placed a hand over your tangled fingers. “Can I tell you a secret?” She whispers. You nod, that feeling in your chest turning to a comfortable warmth. Elain leans in so close to your face that her nose brushes slightly against yours. “I really like you too.” Elain pecks your blushing cheek, running her fingers through your hair.

Your heart soars at her confession. You throw your arms around her neck, pulling Elain into a crushing hug. She hugs you back tighter, burying her face in your neck to inhale your familiar scent.

In that precious moment the bond roared to life in Elain’s chest. That warm, golden thread connecting her to you forever, tied tight around the rib closest to her heart. Elain was overjoyed. You are hers forever. To hold and to keep. That night as she laid next to you in bed, watching you sleep peacefully, Elain vowed that no harm would ever come to you. That she would kill anyone who dared to touch what was hers.

[starsfic]

not forcing since you have a lot on your plate but i wanted to remember to submit this

lunar tides (macaque and sandy) prompt where macaque comes to cuddle with sandy while tipsy.

Anon: DRUNK MACAQUE IS SUPER BUBBLY AND HAPPY IN THIS ESSAY I WILL—

"Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy, handsome."

"Oh, hi!" Sandy looked up from his knitting. Winter was coming in and, even with the weather station, the weather still got a tad cool, so he needed to prepare sweaters for hairless cats. Macaque, on the other hand, had been "invited" to go out drinking with some collegues.

Based on his smile as he leaned against the doorframe, the night had been better than expected.

"How was it?"

Macaque pushed away from the door and took a step. "It was-" He stumbled. It was only Sandy pushing away the knitting to launch forward that saved him from slamming his face into the floor. Still, his sunny smile remained. "It was great! I even got to blow up the bar at the end!"

"Uh, huh, really." Oh boy. So the night hadn't gone as well as hoped.

"Yeah." Macaque nodded as Sandy settled down on the couch. He probably should've gone to get his partner some water, but it was rare to see a smile like that on Macaque's face. "They thought Wukong was all hard muscle and stuff and refused to believe me when I said he had great..." Macaque gestured to his chest. "I mean you have a great chest too, but he has a really nice chest."

"I believe you." Sandy patted his head. "Wukong has really pretty hair as well."

"Not as pretty as yours!" Macaque grinned before moving up. Sandy could barely take in the light touch of Macaque's hands- even with him and Pigsy feeding him, he was still so skinny- before his cheeks were squished. "You...are super pretty. With the prettiest fucking hair I've ever seen!"

Sandy couldn't help but chuckle. Macaque should be like this more sometimes...at least, without the booze.

"And you have the prettiest smile."

[marcusbrutus]

I feel like I have a tumblr anon in my brain…. Like a tiny cop. But it’s an chronically online anonymous weirdo. And every thought I have, I get “anons” telling me how it’s problematic and I should kill my self LOL The other morning I saw an RFK sign and I thought doesn’t he have brain worms, someone running for president shouldn't have brain worms. maybe apply for literally any other job. and the anon was like ummm ableist much? Like WHAT. I turned off anon on tumblr a while ago, so even if I post something “risky”, someone will have to tell me what they think to my face. They can’t hide. Even posts I think are innocuous can be wildly misinterpreted, and someone will probably call me problematic. But even if no one says anything, I still hear it. In my brain. Sometimes I delete things because the thought is so strong. I’m probably not gonna make it to any heaven or enlightenment because I can’t forgive yourfaveisproblematic. In my mind, Tumblr was great before then, or at least it felt that way, and that blog sewed the seeds for cancel culture in the future. That stuff sticks to my brain, even if I don’t want it too. When you put sins like "said disabled people shouldn't be alive" on the same level as "has a tattoo in a language they don't natively speak," it is very confusing to a people-pleasing undiagnosed autistic 14 year old. I felt/feel like I can’t like anyone or anything because it’s ~problematic~ I worry it will never go away, because it affected me in my developing years, 14-19 I want to get better, but it’s hard. I wish I could run from the internet, but I can’t. It’s a part of life now. It’s how we stay connected. But it’s also like…. Idk. The internet used to be my safe space, right? Deviantart. Early tumblr. Seeing weird people like me made me feel less alone. I was a weeb surrounded by “preps” for lack of a better word, not that I didn’t have friends but NONE of them were into what I was into, you know? And no one became as obsessive about things like books and anime like I did, except online. But now it’s like, idk, corruption of the garden of Eden. But instead of me eating the fruit, the garden/internet ate the fruit. The world is too different now… I can’t keep up. And it’s not just because I’m getting older. Things happen faster now. Trends will last half a year when in the past they would have lasted a decade. I hate knowing everything all of the time. I hate that my garden is now a cesspool.

I’m just angry that people on tumblr and lefty spaces online are so blind to their own propaganda, and calling it out is “hate.” Like idk, I guess I expected better from people who are supposed to be ~intellectuals~. Well, if YouTube video essays have taught me anything, style over substance goes a LONG way. And they’re like “oh we’re so compassionate and we want a better future” but they tell everyone to kill themselves and laugh when red states get devastated by natural disasters it's not just that but it's like…. if you're not constantly aware of everything, you're ~part ofthe problem~ #wakeupamerica. silence is violence, blah blah blah. it's just hard because i grew up with a strict dad so learned to be a people pleaser. i'm extremely sensitive to guilt and shame. and all most of the internet has done since 2014 is shame everyone for everything. you're either with Us (good, pure, morally righteous) or you're with Them (problematic, evil). you don't want to be gasp problematic, do you? you don't want to have a callout post made about you and lose all your friends, right? well, keep you nose clean and reblog all the right posts so we know which side you're on an maybe, maybe we'll leave you alone. i have the stress of someone in debt to a mob boss. nah it's more like… i have the stress of everyone in the scarlet letter and im hoping everyone will keep their eyes on the Villain of the Week and leave me alone there's a decent video called "how to radicalize a normie." i say decent because it treats radicalization like a right-wing only issue and the "answer" to right wing radicalization is, of course left wing radicalization. "Even though they're on the bad, evil side, there's still hope because we can get them to our good, morally righteous side!" That kinda bs, and I say bs not in a left vs right way. According to my dad I'm a full blown communist! I'm saying it in the sense that the answer to radicalization isn't "just radicalize them to the other side." That's not at all helpful. You might as well tell an alcoholic who likes jameson to just switch to jack daniels. It's all poison, it's all harmful. ANYWAY, he talks about how most people don't set out to be radicalized, the politics comes to them. That happened to me - but on the left. And I'm sure if I left a comment on his video saying as much, he'd say it didn't happen or say it was a good thing. On tumblr, I came for anime. And for the first year, I got anime. But then I got really intense political stuff. "silence is violence." "i see you not reblogging this." "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention." I was 14-15, sheltered as fuck, I don't know anything about the world but now tumblr is convincing me that I know more about political issues than anyone. And it changed me. And it fucked me up. and I want to get unfucked. But I don't know how. I feel like an internet alcoholic. Like, even if I do stop using it, it will still be there, haunting me, forever, you know? because all my friends use it, not just you guys but irl friends. and the internet is effecting the real world. I miss the days when there was the internet, then there was reality. but now the internet is the reality. That's why I also fell so hard for the [REDACTED] stuff. Tumblr made me think everyone was [REDACTED] because like 99% of tumblr is [REDACTED], and I was worried about it because god help you if you question anything or show the slightest bit of concern. God help you if you're not full steam ahead on everything. I want to escape the matrix. I hate the hypocrisy…. And I hate even more that I’m also a hypocrite. I fall for group think and propaganda but act like I’m above it all. I hate social media but use it every day. YouTube too. I guess that’s why I get so mad when I see them act like that. It reminds me of me. People think the consequences of social media on a teenage girl are like "omg I was feeling good about myself….. but then I saw a model on Instagram… alas. I will never be her. I weep."

But it's more like: Oh my gosh, I just saw a post asking for mutual aid (aka MONEY, BABY) and I scrolled past. What if they died because they couldn’t afford food because I didn’t reblog their post? But what if I DID reblog their post, but it was a scam, and I led my followers to give money to someone who didn’t need it instead of someone who did?

I was hoping to share more examples, but I'm worried someone will misinterpret, and even though anon is off, the anon in my brain is on. always. on. i keep going back to the internet because i keep expecting it to get good again… like how it was. for some reason, i can't accept that it will no longer be my safe space. i wish i had a massive angel to keep me out, or something. like the actual garden of eden. I have to accept that it will never get better. I have not only an addiction to the internet, but to the obsessive thoughts it brings. By wishing it will get better, and continuing to use it, I am chasing a dragon. That is to say, I'm hoping for the same feelings I got from initially using the internet. No one ever catches the dragon. anyway, if you read all that... thank you so much! i'm taking a break from the internet, until mid november at least. maybe by then, it will be better. or not. we'll see.

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Hiii i'm sorry if i'm intruding on the conversation by asking this question but i'd love to hear your take on ride 'em cowboy! :] I love that song (as i do all of lil beethoven, haha) and i'm really interested in what you have to say about it (i love going through your answers to these sparks asks by the way, and i definitely relate to the feeling of wanting to write entire essays about particular songs)

Hi friend! 😁 Wow it's such a treat that people have been enjoying reading this stuff! Thanks for the ask! (And thanks Sparks-anon, you started this! I hope you will enjoy this answer as well.)

Okay. RIDE 'EM COWBOY. They had NO REASON* to go this hard with this song. (*They had every reason - this is Sparks and this is Lil' Beethoven.)

What I think cuts so hard with this song is that the majority of the song is comprised of constantly flipping the switch from praise to disdain, from favour to rejection, from inclusion to exclusion - it's a total fall from grace, it's someone flopping completely, losing it all. Every phrase crafted to hit as hard as it can, but in a slightly different way every time, cutting deeper with every line. Starting relatively simple and straightforward with the lines "They laughed with me, then laughed at me", then building with every new line, and later in the song getting more metaphorical and it's even outright violent. (Ron *really* knows how to heighten how emotionally brutal certain experiences are and knows how to cut deep into that. A true master of words.)

…And then the song says, fuck that!! This will not be my defeat! “Ride ‘em cowboy, ride ‘em//I got thrown again//Ride ‘em cowboy, ride ‘em//Get back on again”

There's many ways one could perceive those lines. It can be a “keep going despite it all”, “keep going to spite them all”, a simple “try again”, and even “just go on with your life and let them talk”, or whatever else someone needs to hear to keep them going. (Heck, if someone were to say “ride 'em cowboy” means "fuck the haters", or "fuck it - we ball", I'd call that valid, too.)

A part of this song that struck me immediately early on in my Sparks journey was “From great to good// From good to fair//To barely pass//Stay after class”. I hadn't been out of highschool that long at that point and I'd been a “gifted student” who in the end was really depressed and barely passed. I hadn't really recovered yet from how defeated that had left me feeling. So these lines were immediately my new friends. And since then my love for this song has only deepened more and more over time. I've stomped into my uni building with Ride ‘Em Cowboy blasting on my headphones countless times, on the good days and the bad. It honestly was really good at helping me deal with the pressure of having been one of four non-males in a male dominated field, often being underestimated or expected to prove myself.

“It's not your day//It's not your week//It's not your month//It's not your year” Lyric status: SICK ✧⁠\⁠(⁠>⁠o⁠<⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠✧

I don't live that life anymore, but obviously there are always times in life when this song is applicable all over again. One could see it as a ruthless acknowledgement of the fickleness of people's favour and opinions (also people's opinions of themselves, I might add), and the fickleness of perceived success. And it's a strong reminder to not fall victim to it.

Instrumentally it's absolutely striking and it's such a powerhouse of a song, you don't need to be currently living it to keep loving the hell out of it. Something that I find really cool about this song as well is that when there's words, abbreviations, sayings, or references in it that you're unfamiliar with (as was the case for me as a non-American non-native English speaker) or if you don't know French (my highschool French was enough for this one and I'm a huge fan of “From open door//To merde, alors”), it doesn't make you miss out on the meaning, but you can look all that stuff up and get hit in the face by this song all over again and with extra force.

I only looked up all the abbreviations I was not familiar with earlier this year, and I got to say… “BMOC//Then MIA”, Big Man On Campus, then Missing In Action. Dangit Ron. *Chef's kiss*

…But still, the line to potentially win it all?

"Olé, then gored"

[mrhaitch]

Hi Mr. Haitch,

Hope you’re doing well. How did you self-learn quantum mechanics? I wanted to learn a few months ago but it required linear algebra, which I’m not there yet. So I ended up just looking at very basic quantum theory, and then narrowing my focus on research papers for quantum biology.

It’s quite interesting because you wouldn’t really expect the applications of quantum theory principles in the very chaotic environment of the cell, as scientists usually try to test quantum theory principles in cold and dry environments. Probably the most interesting subtopic was the involvement of superposition in DNA mutations. Specifically with the electrons of nucleotide base pairs…

Cutting to the chase, I suppose my questions are how did you overcome, if any, the math barrier, what resources did you use, and what aspects of quantum physics motivated you or were appealing in general?

Thanks!

- curious anon

It was a while back, but my process with an unfamiliar topic goes a bit like this:

1. If it's a concept referenced in a different field, say, literary theory or philosophy then track down the author's sources as they might be pretty accessible.

2. If that fails, track down sources or media aimed at the general public: books, documentaries, even YouTube video essays can give you a toe hold

3. Wikipedia is sometimes your friend. Simple Wikipedia (or whatever it's called) doubly so.

I typically find if I can grasp the basic fundamentals, everything else follows. I don't need enough to create something in that field, so I only needed enough of a mathematical insight to understand what I was seeing - anything beyond that is surplus to requirements so I don't bother.

What I do find is I rarely retain the information for long - once I've used it, or surmounted whatever obstacle I'm struggling with, I tend to discard it.

[stopper-my-heart]

can u make an essay or wtvr ab tori at the end of s2 ep1 bc i feel like no one talks ab how shes literally tearing up at charlies words..

That's a tough one, Anon, because that encompasses a lot. To talk about Tori specifically and her tears during her conversation with Charlie at the end of S2E1 in depth, I think I'd have to dig into Solitaire and the Heartstopper comics and novellas, which is a bit beyond the scope of my aims and abilities at the moment.

As both a fairly quick attempt and one that keeps it to the show (please excuse and/or point out any errors):

In general and from the conversation at the end of S2E1 in particular, we can assume that Tori has seen relatively firsthand how the bullying (and perhaps other things) affected Charlie, and how bad that was -- for him and very likely for her in terms of its impact on her. Note that, nevertheless, for better or for worse, Tori is careful not to centre herself in her conversations with Charlie about how he's feeling: she doesn't raise concerns about herself, and she asks Charlie questions without pushing him to change his feelings or countering with her own worries.

We can also assume that Tori has been noticing at least aspects of the behaviours that Charlie's been exhibiting throughout the show up until this conversation and has seen them before, and that she's especially concerned about the potential for them worsening and is afraid of what may happen if they do. She's also likely aware that Charlie tends to deflect, avoid, and seek to soothe and appease others -- in addition to his other coping strategies -- all at his own expense and while avoiding the issues for himself, which consequently generally prevents him from seeking help or support from others.

So Tori is tearing up almost from the moment she opens Charlie's bedroom door at the end of S2E1 because she's remembering the past and is concerned that history is likely to be repeating itself soon (or for things and/or their impact to become even worse than before).

When Charlie then asserts during that conversation that he will basically be taking on responsibility for Nick's wellbeing to an impossible degree and standard, even if it's to the detriment of his own wellbeing, and "everything's gonna be perfect", Tori's fears are confirmed. She knows that this plan is unhealthy and doomed to failure -- because, even ignoring all other problems with this, perfection is impossible to attain due to interference from life and other people -- and she's afraid of what that will mean for Charlie (and possibly for herself, their family, etc.).

Overall, Tori is scared at what she expects will be ahead and is likely feeling alone and powerless to help Charlie (and herself, her family, etc.). She very likely has her own struggles going on as well.

It's worth noting that the conversation between Tori and Charlie at the end of S2E1 not only draws attention to what's already been present but also sets up attaining and maintaining "perfect" as the undercurrent running throughout S2. Nick and Charlie's emotional conversation at the end of S2E8 (titled "Perfect") then acts as a season-bookend point of comparison and contrast.

I hope this got at what you were wanting, Anon. Thank you for asking. If you're wanting more about Tori and her mindset specifically, I recommend you read Alice's novel Solitaire (in which Tori is the main character) if you haven't already. Be aware though, if I'm remembering correctly, that it contains at least some broad mentions of big things that will happen in S3.

[grasshopperdoingdogpaddle]

Hello! I like your blog a lot and I am being anon because I am a coward and I don't want to sound rude or judgmental in any way. I wanted to ask why do you like Omi so much? Like, yes, he's the protagonist, but I myself don't like him that much. I would like to understand your point of view!

There are so many elements I love about his character, I really can't fit it all in one post, a lot of it is spread out through my musings throughout the blog.

But I'll just list off 10 random reasons why Omi is my favorite character. Essay under the cut.

1. His relationship with Chase

Everything about Chase and Omi is so fascinating. It's singlehandedly what pulled me back to this series.

Most aspects of this series are things I've since seen done better in other series that followed in years to come. Some much better.

But Chase and Omi's relationship is something that still feels unique. I haven't seen anything else quite like it in anything else I've read or watched.

They spend time together, they fight together, bring out new things in each other, make old things resurface in each other, like each other even when they know it's dangerous to. They see each other as a mirror, they want to be together, they'll tear apart space and time for each other. They grow close in secret, that have things they can only share with each other. They trust each other despite both of them having deep-seeded trust issues. They respect and acknowledge each other. They show each other affection, they have fun fighting each other. They're worthy allies and best friends.

The fact that they navigate all these complicate mind games against each other is a testament to how well they know each other.

It's Omi who comes to save Chase when no one on the Heylin side ever would. It's Chase who's able to make Omi learn things he needed to learn but just wasn't understanding. It's Chase who comes for Omi to get him to return to the temple in Omi town. It's Omi who tears apart time and space to try to be with Chase.

80 years in the future, Chase still brightens up instantly when he sees Omi. 1500 years in the past, Chase feels deep in his soul that Omi is already someone he knows and loves.

All the secrets between the two of them, all the private conversations, all the underlying things they know they can't say, all the things they'll say to each other that they wouldn't dare speak to anyone else.

They provide each other with something they can't get anywhere else. There are so many reasons why they're fixated on each other.

It's something I can and have gone on about for ages, so I'll cut it there before it takes up my entire list.

2. His defiant, subversive self-love

I've come to really admire self-aggrandizing humor. I admire characters who can love themselves, even with everything else they have going on.

Self-hatred isn't a virtue, and I'm tired of relating to its self-perpetuating, myopic poison.

I want to love myself so strong that it can be my foundation, too. It's a good thing to know your own worth and never let others shake that, while still being a loving, caring, curious person who wants to connect with others, and that's what Omi is.

I love it even more in Omi because you can clearly intuit where it comes from.

No one at the temple really praised him growing up, they didn't really acknowledge him on a personal level, and despite what were probably their best efforts, they were distant and cold.

Omi didn't feel outwardly loved from the outside-- in fact, he grew accustomed to the idea that unconditional love isn't something he'll ever get, that all he can ever hope for is to earn acknowledgement, because he's not a person the same way the others are.

And in response to that, instead of growing bitter or jaded, he decided he'd love himself unconditionally. He'd acknowledge himself and praise his own efforts and choose himself where he grew up expecting that no one would.

3. His very nuanced, personal belief in redemption and willingness to reach out to others

Omi has an unshakeable belief that Chase still has good in him, despite everything. But Omi's also very aware of where Chase stands, and he takes that into consideration in their interactions.

Omi is not only willing to believe in Jack and invite him to their side several times with open arms and praise for his skills, he's also willing to give Jack second chances and a type of trust that he doesn't really exercise with anyone else. Omi goes against the other monks always telling him not to, he'll give up his bedroom and share his clothes, he happily compliments Jack for stopping Katnappe.

Omi knows that Katnappe stands more firmly where she is, but he still argues that they should take her in and help her heal up her injury that she got from trying to rob their temple.

Omi is the only one who was against the idea of letting Wuya and Jack die in cold blood.

Omi is the first to argue that Master Fung should Raimundo another chance, but Omi is also firm in drawing boundaries because of how traumatized he was that Raimundo deliberately manipulated the trust they used to have in him in order to hurt them all.

Omi repeatedly argues that Clay and Jessie should try to reconnect, and that Jessie could come to the side of goodness. He deeply believes in her and in the bond she and her brother have.

Omi doesn't extend the expectation of redemption to everyone, and he's very measured where he does, even if he's willing to show them all sympathy. He's very deliberate in who he reaches out to and thinks has it in them to change, and that's a fascinating take on this type of character.

It's not quite a simple naivety. Omi can read certain situations better than he's given credit for. It's something more nuanced and complicated and case-by-case, and I love that.

4. His adoration for his friends, to the point where he's willing to go so far to protect them

Omi is so scared of squirrels that he'll freeze up at the sight of them. The only time he's ever overcome that was when he had to jump into the fray and fight one to save Kimiko.

That's the moment that stands out most to me as an example of how much Omi loves his friends. There are so many times he shows it, but this is my favorite.

When Omi loves, he loves with his whole chest.

And Omi's loyalty is directly tied to his love. Omi's willingness to sacrifice himself and push himself is tied to his love.

In Judging Omi, they've just had an argument that makes Omi feel that they don't respect his culture and beliefs and the honor that he stakes his everything on, but when he comes back and sees them in danger, he neither does the petty thing of turning against them, nor the reckless thing of thinking he can just run in alone guns blazing and handle it himself.

He takes a risky deal, because the thing he's risking is himself. And he'd happily risk himself to save his friends and his Master Fung. He always does, and he always will.

5. The mentors he adopts throughout the series

Omi learns from Dashi, Chase, Klofange, ect. The lessons themselves are very cool, and Omi is able to being out a mentoring side of characters who otherwise don't show it.

It's adorable, and it leads to some deeply heart-warming and heart-wrenching moments.

Dashi playing the first Xiaolin Showdown with Omi, until Omi finally learned to go at it from a different angle.

Klofange smiling for the first time since we've seen them, and bending over to pet Omi and thank him.

Everything about the side of Chase that Omi brings out.

6. His complex exploration of the concept of trust as a personal boundary

Omi initially trusted Raimundo more than anyone else did. Omi trusted Raimundo unconditionally in a way no one else at the temple did.

He watched Raimundo clearly turn against them, and he still believed that it must be a misunderstanding, because trust and love were so intrinsically tied in Omi's mind, and he couldn't imagine someone he thought cared about them being genuinely willing to hurt them all like that on purpose.

And then he did. And Raimundo took it very far before he eventually changed his mind.

Omi still argued that Raimundo still had a right to be there and keep being a Xiaolin dragon. Omi stood up against Master Fung to tell him to let Raimundo come back to the temple and have another chance.

But Omi also maintains his right to redraw his boundaries, because he was deeply traumatized by that whole affair.

Omi gets screamed at for even thinking in the back of his mind that he's scared to trust Raimundo as much as he did before, but Omi doubles down and stands his ground.

He's the embodiment of "Apology accepted, trust denied." The embodiment of "Forgiveness doesn't require that same reconnection." The embodiment of "a stab in the back isn't rectified until it's been pulled out completely and healed by the one who put it there, and sometimes, the person who stabbed you refuses to even acknowledge the knife is there."

And I truly respect Omi for having enough self-respect for that. It's so easy to just buckle when people try to force past the boundaries you try to set. But you have to forfeit your self-respect to let someone walk over you like that, and Omi would never.

It's especially admirable since Xiaolin Showdown's narrative clearly takes the odd stance that "if you firmly reset the boundaries of trust you're willing to have with someone who deliberately chose to hurt you and your loved ones, that makes you a bad person".

Omi is so strong-willed that he won't just go against time and space, he'll go against the narrative itself.

7. He's adorable and he's a water type

That's my exact strike zone.

He's tiny with a youthful exuberance. He's sheltered and naive with bright eyes. He's stubbornly innocent with precocious hope. He's clumsy with words and has a built-in water gun. He's adorable, and he knows he is.

I love cute things, the little kid characters tend to garner my sympathy, and I always chose the water starters in pokemon.

8. He's suicidally self-sacrificial, not out of any self-deprecation (again, he loves himself), but out of seeing himself as a tool

Omi jumps to sacrifice himself surprisingly easily.

And glory has nothing to do with it.

When he thought he might grow up into someone who would become evil and hurt his friends, Omi walked off to freeze to death alone.

When the temple was taken over by Jack's evil army, Omi didn't run into a situation he clearly couldn't handle alone. He went to Chase Young for help, fully prepared to sacrifice whatever Chase was going to ask for in exchange for his help.

When Dojo was about to eat Master Fung, Omi jumped in the way as bait and begged Master Fung to run away.

The whole reason Omi jumped into the Yin-Yang world despite the danger was because nothing it could do to him was bad enough for him not to risk it for Master Fung's sake.

But he's very against his friends sacrificing themselves for him, and he tries to leave them out of it when he offers up himself as a sacrifice. He values himself, but he's willing to die, because he thinks his purpose is, ultimately, to be a useful weapon for others.

He argued against the soccer game for his freedom, because he didn't think it was worth it to wager their lives for his. Omi's willing to gamble his own life like a poker chip, but never theirs.

It's this fascinating contradiction. Omi highly values himself, but he doesn't seem to value his own life.

It's this self-dehumanization that doesn't come from self-hatred, but instead from this very peculiar way of thinking.

9. His lonely upbringing and the way it shapes his wants and desires

Master Fung doesn't really reach out to him. The most he did was back in episode one, calling Omi in from the rain.

Omi has watched his mentor and the person he loves more than life itself grow more and more distant towards him, while Master Fung is fine showing affection to the other dragons-in-training.

Literally all he wants is Master Fung's love, and since Omi doesn't think he can ever get it unconditionally, he tries so hard to prove himself and earn Master Fung's respect and acknowledge instead.

It's heartbreaking but also fascinating, and it informs Omi's character arc, especially the way he clearly feels less and less at home there at the temple.

He already never felt like it was an unconditional home he could stay in.

Omi loves Master Fung more than anything. Omi would die for him, and more impressively, Omi would kill for him. There's this one-sided adoration and affection and devotion that's so painfully, delightfully tragic.

10. His watching his former hero Guan fall from a pedestal

Guan was one of Omi's biggest heroes. The journey that watching the pedestal break was very interesting.

I loved that Omi personally browbeat Guan into being embarrassed enough to come help them get back Dojo and fight Chase after Guan was going to be perfectly content to just leave now that he had what he wanted.

And it was heartbreaking how Guan later came back with a plan to gaslight and set Omi up to be beaten black and blue, but seeing Guan fall so far from grace in Omi's eyes with those questionable things he kept doing to them is a nice contrast to how Omi gradually comes to love and admire Chase more and more all the while.

[blighted-lights]

I feel like your approach to criticizing a certain fandom was the wrong way of doing it. Don't get me wrong, you are a hundred percent right about the lack of representation for certain characters. But you had to have known that you would've gotten backlash for insinuating that the only reason that content is being made is because people are... misogynistic? The characters are well-written; that's why they get attention. The women are also well-written, you're right! But instead of getting mad at the people who enjoy specific characters, you could contribute to what you want to see in the fandom. Make fanfiction, make art, talk about your favorite ships, talk about your favorite characters, talk about the head-canons you have for them, connect with other fans of those characters, make AUs with them, make the fandom you want to see! But I don't know what you were expecting when you come out and say in the tags "you must be misogynists for liking these characters and you must be awful people for playing around with AUs" even though every fandom on this website does that. That was hostile and was only going to get a hostile response in return especially when you specifically put it in the tags for fans of those characters to see. Because it reads as you insinuating that fans of these characters existing is why you don't get any representation of your favorite characters. Or, alternatively, that everyone only likes certain characters because they're misogynists who hate women characters. People make content of them because they like them and because they want to make content of them.

Want more content of the things you want to see? Pay or support the artists and writers who make that content or start making it yourself. Its not helpful to complain that some characters get more attention than others but then make no attempt to contribute to it in any meaningful way. You cannot just get mad at people for liking characters and expect the fandom to magically decide its going to give you the content you want.

This is a long-winded way of saying you are correct in that the fandom seems to hyper-focus on some characters over others. But the way you approached that discussion was combative, hostile, and unhelpful, and you're not going to motivate a community into making content by being passive-aggressive to the people making the content they want to make. Be the change you want to see in the fandom, or support the artists and writers who make the content you want to see.

Its like... You can't complain your garden isn't growing if you're not watering it and not adding seeds, and instead are blaming everyone else for having plants in their gardens that you don't like.

anon i dont know how to tell you this but if you felt the need to write a five-paragraph essay talking about how i need to be nicer to other people when i am pointing out misogyny in a fandom space then, well... actually, i dont know what to tell you other than the fact that i was trying to be aggressive and im not going to be civil about misogyny. my post wasn't made in the hopes of getting people to make more content of the women in borderlands because that would never in ten fucking million years work. it was not a constructive post. you are assuming i have some sort of goodwill about this and i don't. i wanted to be an asshole because, surprise, i am an asshole. funny how that works.

you are also pulling so much of this out of nowhere and putting so many words in my mouth that i dont even know where to begin with it?? i mean this in the kindest way possible nonnie but. this is a wild response to make when all i said was essentially "wow it sure is weird that the majority of content made for bl is focused on only three men when there's a full cast of amazing women to look at" and then "its also weird that people are making aus to erase the canon abuse and exploitation of a CHILD in order to make jack a good father". but thanks for the essay, nonnie. i guess.