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technicolorfamiliar · 10 months

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Technicolor Familiar Watches Too Many Conrad Veidt Movies Part 1 of ?

Apropos of nothing, I find myself wading around waist deep in Conrad Veidt's filmography, at least the titles I can easily find online.

I've been writing down my mostly brief impressions after each movie, mainly for my own entertainment since I know exactly zero other people who would care lol. I actually created a Mastodon account especially for this purpose, since my primary socials aren't really for this sort of thing. But the character limit on Mastodon is seriously cramping my style, so I'm going to be annoying about this on Tumblr, my self-imposed blog expectations be damned.

I'm not doing plot summaries, but there are spoilers. I'm not watching these movies in any particular order other than what I'm in the mood for on any given day. I'm half trying to keep the thirst levels to a minimum, but no promises; all bets were off after watching A Woman's Face. And tbh, this whole thing has turned into an Emotional Support / Coping Mechanism / Escapism Tactic because hoo boy is my brain bad these days. But be forewarned, I'm not a writer, I'm not a film critic. I just like movies and turns out I like Conrad Veidt a lot too. I'd probably have more and better things to say about a lot of these upon a second or third watch.

So as of late November, I'm 15 films deep with a lot more to go. I'm thinking about splitting this up into multiple posts, maybe like 5ish films/post. Originally I was going to see how many of these movies can I watch before the end of 2023. But I'm just going to keep going until I run out of available titles or I get sick of Connie's face (unlikely).

The Man Who Laughs, 1928 Dir. Paul Leni ⭐4.5/5 Watched mid-Oct, Archive.org Nothing could have prepared me for this. Of course I was aware of TMWL, but more vaguely than I guess I realized. It's really ahead of its time. The production quality is astounding, it's an absolutely beautiful film. The whole cast is pretty great, too. The Duchess? Total smoke show. Homo the Dog? Queer icon. And Connie really swings for the fences emotionally and physically as Gwynplaine. Bear in mind, this is literally only the third Conrad Veidt movie I've ever seen (other than the basic, intro level Cabinet of Dr Caligari and Casablanca), so I was really floored by what he's able to do in this role with the use of really only half his face. There are several wonderfully haunting and heartbreaking visuals and moments throughout the nearly 2 hour runtime that will stay with me long after watching. Half a star got knocked off because the score was a little bombastic and there were one too many clowns for me personally. But those are small complaints for what may otherwise be a pretty perfect film.

Unheimliche Geschichten (Eerie Tales), 1919 Dir. Richard Oswald ⭐3/5 Watched mid-Oct, Archive.org A romp. The version I watched had no soundtrack at all, making for a totally silent viewing experience. The vignette structure and old school effects are fun. I enjoyed seeing Anita Berber in action although maybe I was expecting more because of all the hype surrounding her/her image. But Connie, Anita, and Reinhold Schünzel seem like they had a good time working on this project. "The Black Cat" and "The Suicide Club" were my favorite sections (and I actually watched this when I was in the middle of Netflix's The Fall of the House of Usher, so yay for extra Poe content in the spookiest month). As for Connie Content, what can I say, he's stunning.

The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari, 1920 Dir. Robert Wiene ⭐3.5/5 Watched Oct 17, Archive.org I went hard with the silent era when I started this journey. Caligari was my intro to Conrad Veidt almost 15 years ago, and as a lapsed goth art student, I remember being bewitched by his strange and off-putting presence on screen. My rating for this one is kind of low compared to how undoubtedly iconic and important of a film it is. It could have been my mood but upon rewatching, but the story fell a little flat for me. I did like the updated score in the version I watched, and I would love to see this one on the big screen maybe with a live orchestra some day.

Orlacs Hände (The Hands of Orlac), 1924 Dir. Robert Wiene ⭐4/5 Watched Oct 17, Archive.org Loved. It's so horny and bizarre (the scene with the maid crawling on the floor? same, girl, same). And visually the most pre-David Lynch Lynchian-looking movie I've ever seen. The shots that linger on highly stylized, cavernous, empty rooms before a character enters? So David Lynch. I'm also a big fan of the psychological body horror and crime thriller genre mashup. It's got twists, it's got turns. Conrad Veidt's your man if you ever needed a Hand Actor. Like the handsiest Hand Actor who ever had a pair of hands. Someone who could really work those mitts.

A Woman's Face, 1941 Dir. George Cukor ⭐4.5/5 Watched Oct 18, Vudu & TCM Jumping way forward in Connie's career. This movie did things to me. This was, I think, the point of no return. It's extremely underrated, I'm legitimately surprised I'd not heard of it before diving down this rabbit hole. That said, it is strange and pretty spicy for a Hays Code era picture. It's so good, I actually watched it twice (it aired on TCM as a part of their creepy cinema series). Visually beautiful and narratively interesting, if maybe a little long despite the rushed ending. Shout out to Joan Crawford for giving what's probably the best performance of hers, at least that I've seen (Mildred Pierce who?). And then there's nasty, nasty Conrad Veidt. He very nearly steals the movie from Joan, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He's beautiful, he's TALL, he's scary. Genuinely shocked he doesn't have second billing. But what else can I say about his Torsten Barring that hasn't already been said more eloquently by others? It's such a great character, and I believe he said it was one of his favorites during his entire 100+ film career. A Woman's Face is the only title on this list so far where immediately after watching I wanted to buy the dvd. Ugh, we deserved several more decades of Connie in roles like this.

I'll probably post the next few one day soon, where I finally get into some titles from the 1930s.

#my writing #conrad veidt #the man who laughs #eerie tales #the cabinet of doctor caligari #the hands of orlac #a woman's face

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celiastjamesoscar · 1 year

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My friend is going to school to be a surgical tech (I think) and I love hearing all about her school stuff (especially if she's dissecting something then I ask for pics) but when she starts talking about her testing, I get anxious for her.

I lied Chicago is 4.5-5 hours, but I factor in an extra half an hour to an hour because of traffic and mostly to factor in my friend getting lost (she's directionally challenged). There's a con in Lexington (1.5 hours away) and I haven't been able to find someone to go with me (drive me) so I need to start mentally prepping myself now at the idea I might have to drive myself to be able to go just for a day.

TLOU is literally the only game I wish I could buy again and experience for the first time.

Dissecting stuff is awesome!! I start working on cadavers soon for my anatomy class, and I cannot wait!! The testing for all of that stuff sucks tho

Lexington is 4 and a half hours away from me 😭 I hate that I live in the middle of nowhere; I have to drive a ridiculous distance to go anywhere cool

I wish you the best of luck in your metal preparation!!! Please be safe on the roads and watch out for those crazy drivers! <33

Same here! I would sell my soul to replay TLOU for the first time

#bender chats #anon message

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legion1227 · 1 year

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John Wick 4: A review.

asily the best action movie I've seen this year so far.

The John Wick movies have kept a surprising level of consistency over the years. The first film was an entertaining hour and forty-minute romp of Keanu Reeves masterfully executing a copious amount of men responsible for killing his wife and dog. It's a great stand-alone film that I did not expect to turn into a major franchise. What's equally stunning is that the second film is another solid entry for the film series. Then the third John Wick movie makes the argument for being the best of the series with heightened set pieces, and now we have four, which is an admirable send-off to the titular character, and another film for fans to argue whether or not it's the best of the four.

John Wick 4 might be the best of the bunch. The argument is there.

As the bounty continually increases against him, legendary hitman John Wick takes his fight against the rulers of the criminal underworld, the High Table, around the world. The stakes are resumed from the last film, where countless hitmen are tracking him down in hopes of claiming the bounty.

The fight scenes are just as captivating as ever, with John carefully executing and mowing down goon after goon. But other action scenes stick out even more than John's when the supporting cast gets their own wonderous scenes of slaughter. Shamier Anderson plays one of the trackers intent on collecting John's bounty. There are multiple instances where he could have possibly killed John and collected the bounty, and yet he doesn't, wanting the bounty to go higher and collect even more money. Accompanying him always is a German shepherd, and the two wreak havoc gleefully while killing others and making sure they don't kill John instead of him. Meanwhile, Donnie Yen portrays one of the coolest tropes usually seen in something like an anime: a blind hitman. Yen's physical and combative prowess has been seen before in the Ip Man movies. But his performance in John Wick 4 is on par, or arguably surpasses, the action choreography of Ip Man. Yen's late addition to the franchise desperately makes me wish he was around more in the other three films.

Besides the stellar action, the camera work remains decent, with one amazing bird's eye view during an action sequence. While the cast is a tour de force of engaging quirky characters. Scott Adkins as Killa makes for a really fun secondary villain in the middle portion of the film. He feels uplifted from an anime as well as an over-the-top baddie, and I love seeing him interact with John and fellow assassins. Bill Skarsgard is an engaging main foil to John and his interactions with Ian McShane's Winston are fun as well. The Death of Charon carries immense emotion to it, especially since the unfortunate passing of Lance Reddick earlier this year.

As the nearly three-hour movie comes to a close, we also bid farewell to a character we've gotten to know since his incarnation almost ten years ago. The send-off for John Wick feels appropriate after all the pain and suffering he's endured for four films, he deserves a good rest and to be reunited with his wife in the afterlife. It's a perfect send-off to a badass character. The one and only boogeyman.

There are talks of a John Wick 5 in development, and I literally don't know what you do for that. There are other characters the studios could absolutely focus on and develop from there, but the John Wick name should be ditched by that point. Unless the next movie follows John Wick in hell battling demons.

But if you haven't watched John Wick 4 already, do it. Matter of fact, dedicate a day to a John Wick marathon from 1 to 4. It's one of the few franchises right now that does not have a miss. Let's hope the show about the Continental is good though. Overall, it's an amazing action film, and easily cements itself in my top three films seen this year. Whether or not other movies will surpass it will have to be seen. 4.5/5. A hell of a ride from start to end.

#review #movie review #movies #john wick 4 #john wick #films

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rosemary-crane · 6 months

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Pt. 2.5 fucking grommets

So. I did already have a grommet kit, but the grommets were gold and I wanted silver, so I was trying to find some nice silver grommets I could use last minute on December 21. As per my previous post, this was already pushing the deadline, but I was still determined to finish by the 24th, the final day before leaving for vacay. With Dritz 3/8”, I realized that the measurement number of a grommet is only the inner diameter, not counting the outer ring. This meant they were way too fucking big, by far, for my corset. This is when I caved to using Amazon Prime, but you’d be surprised by the sheer impossibility of finding silver grommets with a diameter <1/2”, even on Amazon. Eventually I picked out the smallest I could find that also came with setting pliers because I wasn’t sure if my own grommet setting tool set would be the right size. I got dddddd and when they arrived I was like yay!! clearly everything’s good right? :D and then immediately noticed the slits on the part that gets clamped down onto the washer. And then read the instructions that clearly showed how those slits would create a flower like backing with the metal splayed out from the center. And then I did a test on a scrap of sateen, 2 layers of muslin (for extra durability when lacing the corset), and coutil to see how it would look.

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now see, everything worked as it said it was, but that meant I would most definitely have raw(?) metal poking into any undergarment layer worn under the corset, and those unfiled edges could scrap against the undergarment and possibly fray or tear it, or I would be hyeraware of feeling those edges scraping against my own skin even through an undergarment. Also I just hated it texturally and visually, so I was dying inside >://// AND, it was still a little too big, because it could only just barely fit inside 1/2”— counting the outer metal edge— and I hated it because I wanted there to still be a little gap between the boning channels and the outer edge of the grommet. I still tried to convince my perfectionist brain that this was a totally acceptable option, all while knowing I would still hate it eternally, but not having a choice because it was way to late to try and find anything smaller that also didn’t have those slits in the grommet.

luckily(?) I was persuaded on the night of the 24th that there was literally no way I could get the entire corset finished in time to leave the next day, so I finally gave in and hunted through a shitton of Etsy sellers until I found 5AHachiHouses. Like straight up I looked for legit hours if not days just to find them. The ones I got were silver, 4.5 mm “outside” (actually the inner hole’s diameter), and 8 mm diameter from outer edge to outer edge. They have a lovely selection of what I would lovingly call “specialty grommets” for the range in very specific sizes and colors. However, when I placed my purchase, I forgot to look for a setting tool for the size I ordered, but still thought that I could use the two I did have. The order arrived in January and I was very pleased to see that they would fit, but quickly realized after a few tests with the tools I did have that they warped the grommet when set. SO, I went back to the sellers Etsy, tried to find a setting tool, and realized that they didn’t sell any setting tools, which I won’t lie is pretty fucking weird considering how rare some of the sizes they sold were. After that, I just worked on other parts of the corset because I pick fight or ✨flight✨ and was actually busy with new classes, until I got myself to go through Amazon again. I settled on getting a 2pc setting tool that was labeled as being for 5 mm size grommets, which was still like, the slightest bit bigger than the ones I had, but again, the size was so rare that there was no way I was going to find a tool that would specifically set 4.5 mm grommets. So finally, in early February, I had everything I needed.

AHAHAHA NO BECAUSE LIFE IS NEVER THAT EASY FOR ME, I forgot about getting a hammer. The one I previously used for the stamps had this rlly gross residue stuck to the handle, and I was not about to set 22 grommets while handling the corset-which-can’t-be-washed with shit like that on my hands or inefficiently wash my hands +22 times repeatedly, so ✨no hammer available✨

perhaps fate decided to throw me a bone, because a few days later, while cooking, I remembered that we had a metal mallet for tenderizing meat. And what do you know, one side is nice and smooth— perfect for hammering. So I pulled an absolutely unhinged idea, which was to hog the mallet for at least a month from ~February to March 18, even though I only took 6 days of actually using it right at the end, which also meant no panko-breaded chicken strips lol. Anyways here are my final test pieces from February 14th, which as you can see, from top of the strip to the bottom, it’s 4.5 mm set with 1/2” setting pliers, 4.5 mm set with 1/2” again because I was delulu enough to think I could make it work even with a prior failure made not even a minute ago, 1/2” set with 1/2” pliers but accidentally put the backing facing outwards instead of showing on the coutil side, 4.5 mm set with “1” 2pc grommet setting tool, and 4.5 mm set with 5 mm 2pc grommet setting tool (as seen in pic 1 & 3)

#sewing #historical costuming #corset #fashion #grommets #gods they are little temperamental bitches

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steamishot · 1 year

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rough

i always find it emotionally difficult whenever matt has 100+ hour work weeks. i have to remind myself to not be as sensitive as my grandma. she derives her mood from the people close to her and her worrying is exaggerated whenever her loved ones go through hardship. i feel bad seeing matt work so much. i think it’s like a path towards early death. however, it could be that my perception of humans and our generation has become weaker. whenever i tell my mom about his work weeks, she shrugs it off and says “he’s a doctor”. and i remind myself that my parents, their friends, and my cousins worked very hard too without having the frequent vacation and time off that matt does. my family who are in entrepreneurship work 6-7 days/week for 12+ hour days with basically no holidays/vacation days throughout the year. i specifically remember as a kid, my cousin’s husband said my dad “works 8 days a week”. one of my parents’ friends who has a donut shop, still starts her day at 3am to open up the shop and start baking.

two weeks ago, not only did matt work an extra 3 days on his off week, he transitioned into a new medicine (not surgery) rotation for the first time where he worked 105+ hours. he consequently had 15-16 hour work days: leave the house around 6:30am, get home around 7:30pm and then write notes until 10-11pm, for 7 days straight. it is miserable. my new-age weaker self thinks that he needs to learn how to set better boundaries. he has perfectionistic tendencies and does not want to disappoint his work, and he worries too much about his patients at the expense of self-care. finally, he has transitioned from the EAP therapy program to an individual therapist whom he will be seeing biweekly. her name is gabbie.

we went to autocamp cape cod this past weekend. overall the trip was okay; we were both a little tense. i didn’t want to call off work, so i was working on the car ride there that friday and a little more at the campsite. it’s also been harder for me to relax these days as i’m finishing up the last few classes of my accounting degree. currently at 93% with three more classes to go! the drive there was about 4.5-5 hours and it took over an hour to pick up our rental car. if i knew matt was going to have a 100+ hr work week, we probably wouldn’t have planned it for this week. matt drove the majority of the time and i know it’s tiring/not the ideal “vacation”. but alas, medicine, where surprises are at every corner.

we were able to do more chill things at home/around the neighborhood such as grocery shop at wegmans, cook a curry butter chicken, go to hot yoga twice, and watched air at the alamo drafthouse for $5 with the tmobile discount. this might be our new favorite theater because it’s literally a 3 minute walk from our apartment and they serve drinks/food in the theater. being served a nice cold beer actually makes going to the movies much more enjoyable.

our uber eats memberships (we were managing 6 different accounts LOL) have all come to an end, minus one. coincidentally this times up very well with our goal of cooking more. last week, i think we only got food delivery once; at one point not too long ago, we scheduled food to come every single day! i’ve been continuing to make the same recipes that i’ve learned from marion when i started to pick up cooking again - most of the dishes i’ve made at least twice now.

books: finished listening to laziness does not exist. listened to part of the privileged poor and outlive.

shows: finished unprisoned, skimming LIB s4, currently watching beef

lesson: we’re learning that having a wealthier lifestyle is actually detrimental to our health (or it’s that we don’t know how to do it right yet) and the simple things are just better for humans overall. i’m starting to feel too privileged to be able to say stuff like this, but being able to afford constant travel/plane tickets and all the delicious food has become too much. take for example lounge life and the lay-flat business class lifestyle. it’s getting us fatter and lazier lol. trevor noah joked that business class is boooring and economy is “real life” which is very true. even renting a tesla, it’s cooler but much more stressful to operate than a normal gas car. we felt more relaxed and had more fun simply going to watch a movie nearby rather than driving out to an expensive glamping campsite. i want to live by the line “live like a resident”, really because simplicity brings more joy, and builds a much bigger nest egg which brings more security.

money: money has been coming and going with the frequent travels. we booked and paid for all of smoky mountains expenses for us and matt’s parents and will be reimbursed later. there’s a lot of potential for financial growth in the coming years. i am inspired by mywealthydiary’s savings and progress with her partner. my goal is to save/invest 5 figures every month between the two of us and have 6 figures of savings/investments at the end of this year. i only started a HYSA last december with wealthfront. i’ve been contributing to this more instead of my retirement and brokerage accounts.

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transbutt · 2 years

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Are u okay bro

We have 4.5 month old twins who refuse to stop fighting sleep and like to just scream all day and night. I work all day then go home to take care of them while my wife goes to work. So we each take care of the babies alone while the other is at work. I’m expected to do more than literally anybody else at work and I just don’t have the energy to do anything anymore. We were also told that we couldn’t have ONE weekend day off because the store needs us too much, even though that’s the only time anybody else can take the babies for even a few hours so we can run errands or clean or just have lunch. I see my wife for maybe 20 minutes a day and I’ve never been so lonely.

I barely sleep anymore and I’m so tired all the time, and two nights ago, I got less than 4 hours of sleep, so I got them ready and into bed and asleep by 8 pm last night and of course the second I start falling asleep, they start screaming and just won’t stop. My family told me before the babies were born that they were gonna take the boys all the time, but nobody ever does unless we ask. And I’m tired of asking. I don’t want them feeling like they need to or feel bad for saying no. I know it’s a lot of work to take care of two babies, but they always have a second person to help out and we don’t. It’s always one of us.

My wife thinks I have postpartum depression on top of my regular depression, which has hit my full force and I tend to lash out when I don’t mean to and say things that I don’t actually mean. I love my boys more than anything but I’m so tired. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be a good parent and husband. I just feel like they all deserve so much better than me. I’ve had depression for 10+ years and it’s never been this bad, to where I actually thought of ways to end my life. I’m struggling and I don’t know how to be okay

#asks #anons #personal #I don’t know if you actually cared or not but I needed to vent for a minute #I said something last night that I really don’t mean and my wife probably thinks I’m a horrible father and husband now

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thejacksmit · 2 years

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First Take: Matilda the Musical - the exception to the rules (and the Netflix/theatrical window debate)

SYNOPSIS: An adaptation of the Tony and Olivier award-winning musical. Matilda tells the story of an extraordinary girl who, armed with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination, dares to take a stand to change her story with miraculous results.

So, how do you go about taking a property so beloved that the 1996 adaptation is still regarded as an absolute cult classic? You go back to the source material, bring in some West End flavour and add one of the greatest lyrical minds in the world: Aussie comedian and Judas himself (literally) Tim Minchin. Yes, this is not the same beast that Danny DeVito gave us 30 years ago; this is a Matilda that is of its time, and perfect for audiences young and old.

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Matthew Warchus is the man tasked with taking the Royal Shakespeare Company’s original production to the big screen, and it’s a production he knows inside and out: he made it happen back in 2010. But he does a brilliant job taking the show and making it work for cinema; working with Dennis Kelly (who wrote the original script too), it is paced very well and has a lot more in common with the book - vibrant, colourful, and extravagant like the Quentin Blake illustrations which graced that novel back in 1988. Almost all of the creatives behind that RSC run worked on the film, with Chris Nightingale returning to score the film, and as you would expect, Minchin’s songs fit the film well- having the same playful nature as the book, as well as having a dark side which fits the more powerful sequences - while some numbers were cut to fit the 1 hour 57 minute runtime (and a new song closes the film, namely to garner those Original Song nominations for Oscar voters), that soundtrack is immense. It’s shot brilliantly too, with Tat Radcliffe behind the camera - and he knows Warchus’ style well, having shot 2014′s Pride with him.

On to that cast, and we’ll start with the major talents- it is a who’s who of British talent, from Stephen Graham, Andrea Riseborough, Lashana Lynch and Sindhu Vee form the main core of major talent, but when it comes to one character, there was only one choice. Emma Thompson does a decent job as Miss Trunchbull, with plenty of Thompson-esque moments, but many cinemagoers who seen the film on the same night I did felt she just didn’t quite nail it - which speaks volumes of how difficult that character is to portray after Pam Ferris’ work on the DeVito version. But the undoubted star of the show, and quite rightly, is 13 year old Alisha Weir, making her big screen debut as Matilda. To deliver that kind of performance, at that age, is astonishing. Warchus has said in the pressers that she earned the role on the strength of her audition, and it’s obvious why she won them over. I sense a long and illustrious career may have started.

THE VERDICT

Matilda the Musical is a proper feel good film - which is what we all need these days. Netflix, the new owners of the Dahl back catalogue, and Sony have played a blinder with the timing of the release too, with an exclusive theatrical run until Christmas Day (in most territories), allowing cinema bigwigs to use it as alternative programming in the build up to a certain film about avatars and their way with water. It’s not often we get a true family film these days, and this definitely hits that audience perfectly.

RATING: 4.5/5

#first takes

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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

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Journal Entries. (2)

These are all mood journal entries (so super short / concise) of mine; where I chart my daily moods over a period of time.

These chronicle the time right before I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist (March) and when I started medication (antidepressants) for my depression / fatigue.

NOTE: These don't contain any long thoughts, literally just mood observations. But I think it does a pretty good job at showing just how inconsistent and sudden mood episodes / switching can be, and why they're so debilitating for trying to live a normal everyday life. I added some gifs / pictures for rando visuals LOL. Truly complete the reading experience 🤪.

Part: [1], [2], [3], [4] Bipolar PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

...

March 27th, 2021

Slept: 4am. Woke: 4pm

Mood: 2/10 Energy: Neutral (Maybe a 2/10)

I just feel empty. Like I need to go hibernate/go back to sleep. I’m not hungry. I’m not particularly motivated, and I kind of wish my sister would sit down and watch Hannibal with me and my mom, so it bums me out that she continues to put that off/ignore it.

I’m tired, man. It’s 8:21 pm, and I’m already thinking about going back to bed. When my family hangs out, I can be mindless and just let their good mood and entertainment take over. Other than that, I don’t feel particularly interested in doing anything, though I know I should. I have things to do. I don’t even feel bad about not doing anything. Just empty. Just ready to sleep.

March 28/29th, 2021:

NOTE: Visual reference of what I looked like during this time

March 30th, 2021:

Bed: 6:30 pm. Woke: 4:30 am

Mood: -1/10

My mood can be directly related to how many gluten free brownies I’ve eaten today. (Thee ONLY thing I’ve eaten too might I add.) (it’s 5pm)

…

[Started taking meds]

Tuesday July 6th 2021 (6:03 pm) (12th)

NOTE: The number next to the date is the number of days since I started taking medication

took meds (YES)

I was kinda so depressed from the doctor’s visit and loss of money that even with the meds, it couldn’t stop me from sleeping. LOL.

Thursday July 8th 2021 (12:10 pm) (14th)

took meds: yes

I had enough energy to watch [my niece]

I had enough energy to have a mental breakdown.

Tuesday July 13th 2021 (19th)

took meds: yes (4:44 pm)

I feel so tired…fatigued….

Thursday, July 15th 2021 (21st)

took meds: yes (2:47)

Slept four hours

Overall energy: 3/10

Mood:4.5:10

Napped for three hours, had dinner + caffeinated tea and I feel shaky-awake.

Bruh I did not sleep (for the 16th) at all 💀💀💀.

Friday, July 16th, 2021 (22nd)

took meds: yes (12:06pm)

Haha going to bed right after I took my meds 😛🤷

Friday July 23rd, 2021 (31st)

took meds: yes (11:12 am)

This week idk. It’s been weird? Like tired and then also hyper fixated on nonsense =DD.

Why (2:40 pm) am I so tired? Don’t want to do anything.

(Currently Saturday morning, 6;22 am and I can’t sleep. I’m NOT tired. But I want to sleep.)

This is the WORST.

Saturday July 24th, 2021 (32nd)

took meds: 7:21 pm

I feel wired and tired and just like I can’t do anything even tho I have the energy to

Sunday July 25th, 2021 (33rd)

took meds: yes (11:26 am)

I know I woke up at 8pm today, but man I really don’t want to do SHIT. (And after drinking that nasty ass fiber supplement, I’m feeling tired =o. When will this insanity end?)

Tuesday July 27th 2021 (35th)

took meds: yes (10:04 am)

Mood (10:07 am): 7/10

Energy (10:07 am): 6.7/10

Wednesday July 28th 2021 (36th)

took meds: yes (4:23pm)

Literally went to sleep at 1am and woke up at 4:15 pm. Wtf? (I slept 16hrs LOL)

Mood (6:03 pm): 6.5/10

Energy (6:03 pm): 7.2/10

Today was a good day, I got more work done than yesterday :)).

(3:19, Thursday am): laid down and tried to sleep but now I feel more awake than ever.

Thursday July 29th 2021 (37th)

took meds: yes (4:29 pm)

Went to bed last night at 8am, woke up at 4:33 pm. (I hate not being able to fall asleep. Is it because I slept for 16 hrs the previous night? #sucks.)

Mood (7:44 pm): 7.5/10

Energy: (7:44 pm): 6.4/10

Friday July 30th 2021 (38th)

took meds: yes (8:15 pm)

I almost forgot to take them today ahhhhhh

Mood: 6/10

Energy: 6.7/10

Saturday July 31st 2021 (39th)

I have plenty of energy (I haven’t taken my meds yet) and yet I feel like I’m going insane. I. Can’t do anything right. Why why why why why must I continue to be a failure? I had something good going for me wtf is wrong with me? I don’t want to wake up anymore

Took meds: yes (11:44 am)

(Slept till 9pm, it’s 8:22 am Sunday and I’m still awake. But on the plus side I’m not careening dangerously into another mental breakdown.,,yet)

Sunday August 1st 2021 (40th)

took meds: yes (12:17 pm)

I haven’t slept yet today

General mood: hmmm 5/10 (12:18pm)

I do feel a little tired but that’s probably because I’ve been up since 9pm.

Generally tho I’m feeling pretty okay. (Guess we’ll see how the rest of today goes lol.)

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#yeah these are absolutely wild to read in hindsight #LOL #me: I never said this #the july 31st entry is fvcking wild #what even was going on that day???#writing #manic depression #bipolaire #actually bipolar #fvcking moodswings ⚡️✌️#a scoup of life 🔫🦆#my thougts #online diary #journal

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leascorner · 2 years

Text

f.g.w. | Muggle au

Summary: In a world without magic nowadays, Fred would be a nurse (HP Muggle au).

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader

Warnings: Co-workers to friends to lovers kind of trope, written at second person singular (you), a few swearing, mentions of: food, life-threatening injuries, blood, alcohol consumption, probably inexact medical facts and inaccurate descriptions of the UK’s health system. Reader gender/look is not described.

Word Count: 4.5 k

A/N: One day while commuting to work, I thought of what kind job Fred would have if there wasn't any magic in this world, and came up with this. I only see him being a nurse, you can't fight me on this. Also, I have had this in my draft for like 10 months and only finished it today, so here it is!

Masterlist

Muggle!Fred would work as an A&E nurse.

Growing up, he had no idea what he would do but he knew what he wouldn’t do for sure – sit at a desk eight hours a day, five days a week.

So, when it was time to take a decision onto what he would do with his life, Fred applied for art or music degrees because these were the only subjects that he saw himself practiced out of school and for which he was pretty good at.

However, a few days before the end of the applications, Ron – his younger brother – got in a serious accident that had him on cardiac arrest a few minutes after his hospital admission. Fred had not witnessed the accident, but – like the rest of the family – he came to the hospital as soon as he heard the news. He watched in awe the medical team bringing his brother back to life and later on, back on his feet. He had never encountered people so dedicated to their work and to the people. Even years later, he could still remember the names of those who saved his brothers.

It shook him so much that without even really thinking about it, and without telling anyone as well, he applied to a nursing school just as the applications were ending…

He eventually got in and surprised everyone by graduating with flying colours.

Never did he ever regret it once; Fred absolutely loved his job.

He liked the absence of routine, the chaos of the emergency rooms, all the different people he would meet, the feeling of being helpful and of having a positive impact on somebody else’s life.

Fred being Fred, he was the bubble of joy of the A&E service.

Most of the medical staff would have this kind of morbid sense of humour – talking about the job, the medical atrocities and disgusting details they saw.

However, Fred knew better; he would joke around a lot, to dedramatize a situation for the patients, to release some tension for the medical staff but always about lighter subjects like politics or how awful the head of the hospital – Professor Snape – was.

Of course, he knew how to be serious when the time was right.

He never thought he could love his job more until you showed up one morning.

Your arrival was literally worthy of a soap opera.

You were the newly graduated doctor whose contract was starting on the first of October and on your way to your very first shift, you had witnessed a car crash for which you immediately came to help.

Fred swore it was déjà vu when you arrived at the A&E in an ambulance. Your hands were burrowed in the patient chest and your white shirt was covered by blood.

The head of the A&E nearly had a heart attack when he saw you straddling a patient on the stretcher twenty minutes before the official start of your contract. Even more so when everybody on their first day must undergo through the hospital induction process.

Instead, you spent your whole morning caring for the patient you had come with.

The exam room you were in became the centre of attention. The news quickly made its way through all the other hospital services; everyone wanted to have a look at the new doctor. All the A&E staff – including Fred – went to watch you through the glass doors like an animal in the zoo. And what a pretty specimen you were.

Later that day when the patient was finally stabilized, you tried everything to avoid doing the most likely very boring induction. At that time, Fred was the only person working at the central desk and you tried to bribe him into assigning you a new patient.

As the A&E was running slow that day – except for the car crash situation, Fred made it a point to show you around like the gentleman (or flirt) he was, but he was cut short by another incoming trauma.

He would never forget the excited look on your face when you asked if you could join in – even though you weren’t authorized to.

By the way, you did end up doing your induction on the day after – eight hours straight of back-to-back never-ending meetings; that day ranked high in the Top 10 of the worst day of your life.

You became part of the team very quickly.

You were sweet and extremely observant and skilled; every single member of the staff appreciated you.

You worked on some cases on which Fred was the assigned nurse.

You discovered how good of a nurse he was – so caring and extremely good at grasping each patient personal and medical situation.

You knew he would have been a fantastic doctor if he had wanted to, but he always laughed it off stating he was not that intelligent.

Only you came to learn he was very intelligent indeed, simply not academic.

One thing that you were particularly impressed by in Fred was how good he was with kids.

You never knew how to act around them.

Most of them being extremely intimidated by doctors, it was extremely difficult to deal with them when they were in pain or worried about all this new environment – the fact that their parents were literally freaking out because their kids ended up in the emergency rooms also did not help.

Fred on the other hand was a natural.

He would explain whatever was going in understandable details to the teenagers, make balloons from surgical gloves for the six to nine years old kids or give lollipops – he always had some in his pockets – to toddlers to distract them from the needles or the doctors.

One time, he even gave you one after a particularly long work shift.

Over the course of time, Fred became one of your friends from work.

You did consider him as a friend even though you only saw each other at work or hung out in an environment related to your work – the canteen, the bar next to the hospital where the youngest members of the team met at least once a month, the break room, ...

As for all work friends, you knew the basics about his personal life like his birthday date or how he hated with such passion pickles or how the traffic to his place was horrible when he was working a day shift.

You also knew everything about his professional life: where he studied, his previous experiences, how he ended up working at the A&E… He was one of the few people you had encounter during your short career to which you wanted to resemble so much. He was always so good at grasping the cases, so dedicated to the patient’s care. It really was a bliss to be working with him.

So, when you were both working different schedules, your workday just wasn’t the same.

You would miss his cheerfulness and his jokes.

Crazy how you’d miss one person, and your world feels empty, right?

Work shifts with Fred were really something else.

He would always make sure you – and everyone else on the team – was doing fine. It was like he was making sure the team was at his best for the patients – and it wasn’t even his role.

Like that one time where you had taken covering for a sick colleague after your night shift:

“Incoming!”

Fingers pressed to your temple to try and get ride of your fatigue headache; you didn’t even look out for the patient being brought in by the paramedical team. It wasn’t your turn, and you still had all your paperwork from the night before going for your morning rounds.

You had the most horrible night, running all around the place to treat an emergency after one another. You did not have even one minute to breathe, let alone pee, or eat. It had left you on your kneecaps, you could only think of your bed and 12-hours of sleep. So, of course, when you heard one of your colleagues couldn’t make it for the morning shift, you offered to take over it.

“Tea for the lady.”

Your eyes left the binder in front of you to the man that had put a cup of tea on the stand. It was Nurse Weasley, the one and only. You weren’t sure how he had known you would still be working at this time, but you were infinitely grateful he had brought you a cup of tea, just how you liked it.

You smiled to thank him before leaning on your chair and bringing the cup to your mouth. He watched you contently sighing after drinking some of your hot beverage. In one second, all the worry on your face disappeared. Your hair was still in a mess and the bags under your eyes were a good indication of how much sleep you did not in a long time. Yet, you were still radiant.

“Long night?”

“You have no idea.”

It simply was a full moon night and like every of those nights, things got pretty busy at the A&E. People were drinking more and inevitably getting into much more fights. You had spent your whole night treating broken hands (because people definitely did not know how to throw a punch) and probably got puked on like what- Eight times?

Fred nodded, leaned on the counter of the central desk and casually sipping on the cup of coffee he had brought for himself. He had this mischievous grin on his face. One he only wore when he was up to no good.

Putting down your cup, you closed the binder in front of you and decided to procrastinate this task to later in the day, because you knew you were in for a treat.

“Cheer up, lovely. I am here to make it all better.”

During the flu epidemic that sticked around very late that year, you both started to grow closer.

The A&E was literally a war scene.

So many patients. So many stretchers. Literally everywhere.

When the staff started to get sick too, you both started to pick up extra work shifts resulting in you working 72-hours shifts, sometimes even more.

Fred was designated interim chief nurse after the actual chief nurse – Madam Pomfrey – got sick.

He run the A&E masterfully and still checked multiple times a day on every single member of the staff, making sure they had eaten enough or that they could take a quick nap. Forgetting to even do so himself.

So, when you finally had five minutes for yourself for the first time in days and you got to the break room to find the only bed left already taken by Fred, sound asleep, you just turned around already ready to go work some more and to let him sleep in peace.

However, he was quick to call your name and make room for you in the single bed.

He cuddled you as soon as you laid down and fell back asleep, his head in the hollow of your neck, before you could even speak a word.

It then turned into a habit, even after when the A&E was back to normal.

You would often take fifteen-minutes naps together during your 24-hours work shifts.

After some time, you both found the perfect position to sleep; Fred laid down, yourself in between his legs, your head on his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist to secure your position, your hands in his hair massaging his scalp.

It was always the best fifteen minutes of sleep of his day.

After that, you were the straight definition of work besties.

Never one without the other.

As such that people were getting to you to know where Fred was.

You would make such a dream team that it was an unspoken rule at the A&E to let you pair up any time you had a common shift.

Your writing was so messy sometimes (oh, the joy of being a doctor), other staff members would get to Fred so he could read it for them.

If you two weren’t working on a case together, you would be at the central desk: you trying to write your observations in the patient folders while Fred was filling up the nurse carts and making hilarious impression of Professor Snape at the same time.

When you weren’t working together at the same time, you would hide snacks in his locker because if it was one thing Fred loved more than his job and his jokes, it was food.

Your relationship grew to a little bit more than just friendly co-workers when he invited you to his birthday party – well, Fred’ and his twin brother’s birthday party, but you only understood that part when you arrived at Fred’s address early to help setting up the party and was greeted by someone identical to Fred yet still different, George.

“Oh! Did I forget to mention this… detail,” Fred stated with the biggest grin you had ever seen on his face.

Little did you knew, he enjoyed being simply Fred at work. He loved his brother and their relationship. However when he started nursing, he discovered a whole other new world. A world where he was a complete unique person.

And, selfishly, he really liked it.

You came to learn he was very close to his twin brother as they lived together. You spent a lot of time discussing with George while helping to set up the party.

Them together was the definition of trouble – you knew Fred would laugh about everything, but with George and surrounded by a friendly crowd, he was definitely something else.

All night, Fred made sure you were comfortable with everything – introducing you to all his friends, checking in on you after you both loose each other in the crowd (yes, their 80 squared meter flat was fully packed), filling up your glass when it was empty and still making sure you drank water too.

You met his whole group of friends – among them, his best friends from high school: Lee and Angelina.

You were probably asked about a thousand time how long had you been with Fred.

As in together, as a couple.

Because Fred, in his natural habitat and a little bit (too) tipsy, was very touchy-feely. Arm wrapped around your shoulder. Hands tied when he tried to get you both through a crowded area of the flat. Head resting on your legs when you were sat on the couch and he was sat on the floor.

Though it did surprise you at first, you couldn’t help the tingly feeling in your chest.

At the end of the party, as both of you were slouched on the sofa, you felt exactly where you were supposed to be.

And it was everything to you.

After that, you started to hang out outside of work more.

However, it was never only Fred and you. No, you always were with George, Angelina or Lee. You introduced him to your own friends. You even met Ginny, the twins’ sister and the country greatest football prodigy.

As if never of you could dare to think of what could happen if it was just the two of you.

You would meet up at any chance you’d get: to test out this cute little brunch place that just opened at the corner of the twins’ flat; to go see that last Tom Cruise movie; to have a drink at the Leaky Cauldron.

Fred always kept you close, arm wrapped around your shoulder, making sure you were alright in any situation.

It was clear to everyone that it wasn’t only just friendship.

At work, the pinning, that was until then quite subtle and most of the time hesitant, became very real.

He would shoot you that smile across the room, just because he liked to see how you would become hot and flustered in an instant.

He would write you little notes that he would put in your patient folders and that you would only see when you are in front of the patient. It would always make you blush, and stutter like a teenager.

You discovered a whole new side of him; Fred knew what he was doing, and you would gladly let him do whatever he wanted of you.

You realized you were totally falling in love with him you were during your summer paid time off, later that year.

The night prior going back to work, you had spent a horrible night. Tossing in your bed, unable to sleep, from the nervousness and the excitement. It was because of the fact that you were going back to work, but also because of you would see him.

You and Fred had been texting every single day of your time off and you also spent literally hours facetiming each other when you were away.

You also spent the whole two weeks off being teased by your friends for acting like a stupid young teenager in love, literally with your phone glued to your hand, to which you always replied by keeping quiet and rolling your eyes. It wasn’t that bad, was it?

Yet, for no reason, you still feared that the next time you saw Fred, everything would have changed.

Woking up way too early that morning, you had shown up thirty minutes early for your shift.

Enough time to check on your dearest co-worker and friend, Fred.

For once, you were the one to find him at the central desk, trying to get admitted to geriatrics an old woman with dementia that had suffered a major fall. Of course, there were no beds available in any hospital 20 miles around, but Fred wasn’t one to give up so easily.

He did not see you coming, phone glued to his ear, fingers pinching the tip of his nose, clearly annoyed by whoever he had on the phone.

You would bet 20 bucks it was the geriatrics intern from the second floor, Brad.

Not willing to disturb Fred in his fight against brat Brad, you quietly put the cup of coffee in front of him.

His facial expression when he noticed you made your entire day. He was as happy as you were to see you back.

In approximately half a second, he was on his feet and crushing you into a massive hug that nearly made him forget what he was doing in the first place.

“Sorry, Brad. What was that?” he asked when he finally let go of you. “Wonderful news! I’ll get started on the paperwork,” even though it was not part of the procedure and Brad was supposed to work on it.

After that, he threw the phone somewhere on the desk and went for another hug, realizing how much he had missed you in the last couple of weeks.

And so did you: “Missed you too, Freddie,” you chuckled when he was crashing yet another rib of yours.

It was the first time you ever called him “Freddie”. All his life, there had been only one person that was using this nickname, George.

Only George would use it to annoy the hell out of him. Yet, out of your mouth, it was something else.

It made his heart beat fluttered and his cheeks run hot.

You swore it was the first time you had seen him blush. Ever.

You found it so cute that you couldn’t deny that you definitely were falling for him now.

And so was he.

During the holidays that year, you both did a 36-hours long work shifts.

It was common practice when for the staff that did not have children. You mostly did it for the money and to pay off that student loan of yours.

Fred was running around the A&E with his handmade “F” sweater over his uniform, offering candy canes to every kid (and adult too).

You were excitedly waiting to offer him your present (tickets to his favourite entertainment park), knowing it would be the only celebration you would have as you learnt during your shift that your family had caught one of those winter viruses and the festivities on your side were cancelled.

At the end of your work shift, when he understood you were going home to pizzas leftovers, Fred took you to the Burrow.

Which made you utterly nervous of meeting his whole family.

Molly served you some leftovers turkey and mashed potatoes that you both ate in the kitchen while the rest of the family – and by that, I mean, every single person of this family, siblings, their spouses and kids and even Great-Aunt Muriel – was in the living room finishing to unwrap presents.

No surprises, everyone had already heard about you. And it wasn’t from Fred.

George would take a real pleasure in embarrassing his twin brother.

You spent the rest of the afternoon squished between Fred and George in a sofa, a cup of tea in your hands, listening to all their nieces and nephews’ stories.

You ended up following asleep on Fred’s shoulder.

Yet, it was one of the best Christmas in your life.

Your relationship status stayed unspoken for some times.

It did not seem to bother any of you. Yet, none of you ever made a proper mood. You were both content that way.

Though, you started to see each other without other’s people company.

Fred took you to one of his favourite football team matches.

You made him watch all the episodes of your favourite show.

One time, after a particular shift, he took you to his home to cook your favourite dinner. You watched him, a beer in your hand, as he had forbidden you to make anything. George found you both asleep on the couch when he got home later that night.

One thing that resolutely changed was the intimacy.

It was only a slight touch when you would pass each other at work, you putting a strand of hair out of his eyes, him kissing your forehead.

It was merely painful for your loved ones (or anyone really) to watch.

There even were running bets at the work for when you would get together.

Little did they know, they’d all loose their bet with how long it took you both to actually make a move…

It indeed took months and a tragic accident to make it all change.

This had started as any other night shift with both Fred and you on duty.

You were paired up with Fred, as usual and as you were both currently rather free, you agreed within the team to take care of the next incoming.

So, when the paramedics went in with a new patient, Fred went ahead, while you were finishing writing your conclusion on the lab results of one of your patients.

The cry Fred let out made you drop everything in an instant and run to the A&E entrance.

And you couldn’t believe the scene occurring behind your eyes.

Fred’s very own twin brother George was laying there unconscious, blood all other the left side of his face.

Out of you two, Fred was not one to throw a panic fit.

However, that night of July, he totally lost his shit.

You had to take him by the shoulders, brutally shaking him off to get him back on earth.

You had him sit down in a corner of the waiting room in the middle of his shift because he simply couldn’t be around the A&E in whatever state he was in.

You apologized quickly before running back to the A&E to take care of George. This wasn’t good practice as you two knew each other and were somehow close, but you wouldn’t trust anyone else – and you knew Fred needed you to do this for him.

There were a lot of blood, and he did require a transfusion, but thankfully, George’s injuries turned out to be more impressive than they were life-threatening.

The team worked quickly around him; it was the first time you really realized how you all would stick together in support for anyone.

When George was asleep, medicated and you were sure he was alright, you made your way to the waiting room. You found the entire family had joined Fred after hearing the news. They were all eagerly waiting to see him.

Even if it pained you, you only authorized his parents to check on him and stayed with the others for a while to reassure them.

All his siblings were sat around Fred, which was still pretty shook up. You had never seen this haggard look on him and it looked wrong.

You squatted in front of him, trying to get him to look at him, whispering comforting words to which he only by nodding and you knew that no matter what you would say, he would only be alright when George would be out of here, in a couple of days now.

You spent some more times with them before leaving to get back to work and finish your shift.

When you got off in the morning – after checking on George one more time and leaving specific instructions for his care, Fred was still in the waiting room, all by his self.

He was still as white as sheets and he looked exhausted, but he was on his feet when he spotted you.

“Hey,” his voice was the quieter you had ever heard it be.

“Hey, do you want to go up? He was awake a few minutes, requesting breakfast.” You smiled softly, but when Fred shook his head no, you continued: “He is alright, I swear. He got a concussion and multiple intracranial hematomas, but he is being closely monitored and it’ll be–”

He cut you off by kissing you.

It was not a thank you of some sorts; it was more like he realized that he could lose anyone he loved at any moment.

And you were definitely a person he loved. A lot.

Though he surprised you at first, you were quick to wrap your arms around his neck and respond to his kiss.

You had your first kiss in the middle of the waiting room of the hospital you work at. It was possibly against all rules, but you were kissing the most precious man you ever met, and it did not really matter.

“I should have done that sometimes ago,” he said looking down at you, a shy smile on his lips after you parted. “Let’s see George now, shall we?”

Bonus:

“Hey George, everything okay today?” You asked, going into his room to discuss the latest scan results you had just been handed. It had been a week now after his accident and he was doing much better. You had monitored his intracranial hematomas, making sure they were decreasing on size on their own – with a little help of rest and medications.

“Y/N, I think my nurse is trying to kill me,” was the only response he gave you, making you look back from your file.

Fred was currently changing George’s perfusion after having checked on his stitches and bandages.

“That’s ‘cause I am, you idiot.”

#lea's writing #fgw #fred weasley #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley fic #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley fanfics #hp fanfics #hp fanfiction #muggle au

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0aurelion-sol0 · 3 years

Text

The Fall Of Mikasa's Character (3/?)

SNK Endgame posts (4/?)

So wait...

Eren says the Founder's power made it so that there's no past and future and it kept messing with his head...

But that isn't the Founder's power.

It's supposed to be the Attack Titan's power.

This chapter literally retcons the rules it setted chapters before it.

The Founder's power has nothing to do with Time, it is the Attack Titan.

These are the Abilities of the Founder: Titan creation, Titan behavioral control, memory and body manipulation of Subjects Of Ymir (except Ackerman but the last chapter retconned that too since Mikasa speaks about "THAT DAY WHEN EREN CAME TO VISIT US") telepathic communication with Subjects of Ymir.

Moreover, how come Eren said time messed up with his head when he was literally able to mindplay Zeke in 120 into thinking he was in control of the memories while it was him who controlled the memories in the first place hence in control of his power through time?

Also Frieda didn't know about it and she had the Founder, Grisha suspects that it's because of Karl Fritz's will but he still says that every titan is unique in it's own way. If the Founder is capable of travelling through time, the Attack Titan is no more unique.

And if the Founder is capable to travel through time, DON'T YOU THINK A CERTAIN KARL FRITZ WOULD HAVE USED IT TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING GOES ACCORDINGLY TO HOW HE WANTED IT TO HAPPEN ?

Moreover The Attack Titan doesn't travel through time. It travels through memories big difference. So how come is Eren capable to go back to memories of people who do not have the Attack Titan, nor the Founder.

Also talking about the so called Lelouch plan of Eren.

Eren didn't have all the memories, how come is he able to make sure of that supposed end point with Mikasa will happen? After all in 121, Grisha gave up at the last second, it's Eren who had to influence him.

If anything the memories he saw could just change since even in the past things needed to be influenced. After all, in 134, he threw rocks at them while they were flying in mid air and the plane could've just exploded with everyone inside and all of his plan could've fell apart.

If Eren wanted his friends to pull a Lelouch, why did he put them in all of these dangerous situations ? So at times Eren can do something like in 131, but when Hange is about to get killed, he doesn't do anything ? It all seems too convenient to me. Was it him that send Falco the dream than ? Or is it something else ?

You can't have Eren not controlling his powers but able to in certain cases because "It's fate" and pull a Lelouch with so much limited information that he has when he himself doesn't have all the memories and doesn't understand most of them.

So we can manipulate the past but we can't change the future ?

In that case if the Attack Titan was striving for freedom ever since it existed. Does that mean Eren literally influenced all the events of the story including past wars ? Why does the Attack Titan strive for freedom when they are not even persecuted like during the Eldian Regime ?

If Eren has the power to influence the past, why doesn't he influence past events that created the whole mess between the Eldians and the world in that case ?

People are going to say it's Ymir, but the Attack Titan always refused to obey the King's Order and Ymir was devoted and "in love" with him so it can't be her ?

The Attack Titan's Owners eye colors changes when they get the Titan and ressemble those of Eren. Just like Frieda when she is taken by Karl Fritz's will.

But here, we see Eren's (and Grisha's titan) with two different eye color, pre-timeskip and post-timeskip. It seems more...translucid but Eren didn't have the Full Founder's power during Liberio so did Eren influence itself in titan form. If so, if it is him, why has Eren been shown to be afraid of his own will ? Why did Eren physically change to look more and more like his Titan ? Shouldn't he just look like himself ?

Also Eren had the Founder pre-timeskip, why his eyes changed colors during Liberio and not during the pre-timeskip ?

After all in one flashback when the Volunteers arrive on the island, Eren still has a semblance of pre-timeskip eyes. But is starting to turn into post timeskip eyes.

So does that mean Eren influenced everything into the story or is it just it's will that's controlling people ?

By the way how come their eyes changes to those of Eren, if they literally existed before him ? Did Eren sent his DNA to the past ?

So does that means Eren influenced wars even at times when Eldians weren't persecuted, killed Faye, killed Carla just so because he wanted to do genocide ?

Eren says it's because he had an endgame which was Mikasa's choice, than says it's because the Founder messed with his head and than he says it's because he wanted to do it. And let's not even count past chapters and how Eren's motivation changed like a hundred times.

Why doesn't he tell anybody about what he saw during the ceremony in chapter 90 ?

He seemed afraid by the Rumbling but still wants to do it ? Because he has to ?

So Eren can manipulate 2000 years of history but isn't capable of saving his own mother from a titan he already controlled before ? Because yet again, it's "fate." But Eren already hated the titans before his mother died, both in chapter 1 and 73, we learn that Eren already wants to go outside and is mad at the titans for stealing his freedom. His mother doesn't need to die since he is already angry anyway.

If Eren doesn't go with Zeke's plan, Zeke doesn't suggest to retake the founder during the meeting at the start of the Marley arc and the Liberio event doesn't happen.

That man manipulated the whole conflict. If Willy doesn't die (he says that to Magath), most of the world won't believe him and therefore an international attack on Paradis is very likely not to happen. They knew they were being spied upon and that they were going to get attacked.

Eren says he wants his friends to be heroes but half of them died and are forced to kill many people including innocents during Liberio including Armin who blew up a whole port.

Nothing is consistent in this story anymore.

Eren cannot be able to manipulate possibly hundreds of people and titan shifters before him and change the past to how he wants it (like in 121) than be unable to stop Dina, a titan who he was able to control earlier because the Founder messed up with his head and time when 121 proves otherwise.

So Eren is capable of precisely erase the memories of all his friends (including an Ackermam) in the blink of an eye but isn't able to save his own mom ?

All of this speaks "The power works when the author wants it to work".

By the way, if The Attack Titan only travels through memories of past owners, how come Eren was able to sent a memory to himself in chapter 1 when he didn't have the Founder nor the Attack Titan ?

Also how can he receive that memory from the future when the Memory Wipe of Karl Fritz stops any memory that has something to do with the outside world or something he doesn't like ? This was shown with Eren who had headaches about his father injecting him the serum but couldn't remember it because of that Memory Wipe.

Why would Eren send that memory to the past ? To change something but what ? He wanted to do the Rumbling ? Oh Of course I forgot his thoughts were inconsistent but he is able to manipulate a titan through 2000 years of History including his own father.

It was with Kruger who only had the Attack Titan that we were shown you can receive memories from the future. Kruger doesn't even know whose memories belong to and why would Eren sent a memory there when none of them know who Mikasa and Armin are ?

Also if Eren manipulated everything, how come Grisha who lost his first wife a few hours before he met Carla fell in love with her after seeing her for the first time? Did Eren influence his own father to be in love with his mother so he could be born just to destroy 80% of the world ?

I mean he does exactly what Kruger told him to do, he loves someone while the guy lost his first wife just a few hours before that moment.

Grisha should be a little more troubled by this.

Also VERY IMPORTANT!

Why does Grisha give Eren the Founder and the Attack Titan when he saw the Rumbling and asked Zeke to stop Eren ?

Why did Eren wanted Zeke to see that memory ? What was important in that memory ? Why is it never brought up again ?

Why would Grisha tell to Eren that if he wanted to save his friends, he'll have to control that "power" when Eren literally influenced him in the past and he saw that Eren got the Full power of the Founder in the future and unleashed the Rumbling ?

What power was he talking about ?

Why did he give Eren the Titan when he knew what he was about to do and didn't agree with it ?

Did Eren influence him but why would he tell Eren to control this power when he already does in the future ?

What was the point of that ?

I'm really starting to question whether this was Isayama's original ending anymore.

The Eremin teaser (4.5/?)

#snk 139 #snk 138 #aot 139 #aot 138 #snk spoilers #aot spoilers #eren jeager #grisha jeager #zeke jeager #frieda reiss #the attack titan #the founding titan #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert

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brvdges · 3 years

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Ever Since - reader x peter parker (or anyone)

Title: Ever Since

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Y/N reflects on her relationship with Peter BUT could work for any of the male characters because I didn’t use his name; just some descriptors for him. No dialogue; literally just emotions. Based on my irl ex and our memories so enjoy the heartbreak!

“I know he doesn’t love me, but I go through the shit thinking that maybe one day he’s gonna fall for me too.”

Warnings: quick mention of an abusive relationship, nothing descriptive or graphic.

Word Count: 1324

___

I know he doesn’t love me, but I go through the shit thinking that maybe one day he’s gonna fall for me too.

He was everything I wanted and more. God, where to start? I guess the best place would be how we met. It started as a simple school project during quarantine. Despite seeing him around school pre-quarantine, I hadn’t formally met him; but we exchanged numbers to get the assignment done. Eventually we ended up talking about the most random shit and before I knew it, we were texting everyday.

He would message me good morning with a little smiley face or a heart, I’d message good morning back. We’d talk about our plans for the day and throughout the day, we’d talk about how things were going. How I miss those times, he’d message me the most random things.

One day randomly at 3am, I woke up to a text asking if I knew how old the Earth was. I didn’t and he humored me while I tried my damnedest to guess. When I finally gave up joking that it was only 2020 years old, he finally told me the answer I was looking for was 4.5 billion years. I asked him what he was doing awake and why he was sending me trivia questions so early. He told me he couldn’t sleep and had thought of me.

We messaged everyday and I started to fall for this boy I hadn’t even met yet. I found myself longing to see him in person so much my heart ached and smiling when I saw his contact name popping up in my phone. This continued on for three months and it got more involved as it went on.

My day wasn’t complete without a good morning text and a good night text at the least if we were both busy. We slowly became used to having each other in our lives despite still having not met yet. We began FaceTiming at all hours of the night, I’d even call him at God awful times in the morning.

Some nights, he’d make me laugh by dancing foolishly in the camera, one night he showed me some of his lego collection; but most nights, he’d sit on the balcony outside his room and we’d talk on the phone about anything really. We both started to grow impatient, we wanted to see each other more than anything.

So when restrictions were lifted for the first time in months, we did. It was spontaneous, he told me he’d had enough and was finally coming over to see me. My dad answered the door and they talked for a bit before I came out.

He was much taller than I expected him to be. It was hard to believe it was actually happening and we were actually meeting. It wasn’t until he grabbed my hand that I realized that it was all real. It wasn’t long before he asked me to be his.

I always felt so beautiful around him. I was felt like I was the prettiest girl in the world and no one else mattered. It was the way he’d look at me with those big brown eyes and that dopey smile, “Y/N, you look absolutely beautiful.” It was the way he’d squeeze my thigh. It was the way he kissed the top of my forehead.

I always felt so loved. It was the way he brought me food to make me feel better when I was sick or how he slow danced with me in his kitchen even though there was no music. It was all in the way he pulled me closer in his sleep and remembered random things that I liked — like when he would bring me my favorite snacks.

And God, it was the way we had sex. It was the way I could feel how passionate he felt about me. How he so lovingly made a playlist for us to listen to and how he always wiped the sweat off my forehead and made sure I was comfortable. It was how he became comfortable with me and was willing to step outside his comfort zone to get me off. He always made sure I had a good time. If not, he was back at it again not too long later making sure it was done right while he told me how beautiful I was and how much I meant to him.

It was how close we became in such a short amount of time. How I found someone who I could confide in and see myself with. After a bout of shitty relationships — one particularly abusive, I was finally finding someone who understood me. Someone who saw me.

In the end, we did it all wrong. We fell too hard and too fast and it seemed he came to this realization sooner than me. We both became busy, he more so than I at the time. He wasn’t able to make time for me anymore, I was becoming less and less of a priority.

I’d sit days on end with little communication and when I reached out he did genuinely seem apologetic, but nothing ever changed. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I figured this was just how things were for the time being. Things never changed — in fact as I started to go back to work, they got worse. He seemed tired all the time and more on edge than I had ever seen him.

One day, he just decided to end it. A simple text. “I don’t think we should continue to be together, Y/N. I’m sorry.” My heart shattered into a million pieces and I became a wreck.

He told me he was too busy and that he’d be going away soon. He wouldn’t have time for me anymore and didn’t want to break my heart. At the same time, he wasn’t sure if it was gonna pan out anyways.

I became numb that night. It was my friend’s birthday and she wanted to do a group zoom call; however I just couldn’t be bothered. I was present but I wasn’t. My heart was broken, we had become so close in such a short amount of time. The idea of it no longer being a thing had become so foreign.

He still wanted me around though and I wanted him around too. We missed the physicality of each other, we missed the quiet intimacy of our moments alone. It didn’t even have to be physical, just space we shared — the love unspoken was normally enough; but that was gone.

Oh, we were terrible to each other. It should’ve ended at the message but it didn’t. We were addicted to each other, but we were in conflict. One moment, we wanted to be together — we wanted to be intimate and another I was angry because he was trying to push me away. He suddenly became so passive about us. It didn’t matter to him anymore.

I remember the last time we saw each other before he left. Earlier that day, he had messaged me telling me he was leaving in the next few days and that he wanted to see me one last time. Reluctantly and stupidly, I agreed. He was late.

It felt like he was breaking up with me all over again. He still wanted to have sex because he’d be gone for months and I so stupidly agreed.

But I cried. I suddenly found myself overwhelmed with emotions. I cried quietly to myself because I realized how much I felt for him and how badly I wanted it to work. I wanted to be the one he came home to. I wanted to be the one he messaged good morning and good night. I wanted to be the one he told “you’re beautiful.” It was in that moment that I realized I had fallen in love with him and there was nothing I could do about it.

I’ve been in turmoil ever since.

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clownsgobeepbeep · 3 years

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Ko-Fi (Please Read)

I’ve never enjoyed doing it and didn’t think I’d ever get to it, but I am beginning to ask for donations. Any kind, any amount.

https://ko-fi.com/d_b_skull

https://paypal.me/dbskull?locale.x=en_US

It’s gotten to the point where I’m more than exhausted with my living conditions. Well, it’s gotten to this point many, many times and it’s taken such a toll on my mental health. In fact, it’s been so bad that at a very early age I wanted to end things. The point is, I’m asking for help; help to finally move out of this home.

I just recently quit my job due to issues involving the management and the sudden decrease in hours; 4.5-9 hours a week just wasn’t going to help me. It’s been a few weeks since my last day and the money in my bank has rapidly been going down; I’ve even had to take money from my savings which were meant for moving out. Not only that, but I have two dental surgeries coming up which are obviously taking a hefty amount of my money away, and that doesn’t even involve the medicine I have to pay for before and after the surgery. This could be considered the “least” of my problems.

If you need any convincing, up ahead is a list of reasons why I desperately want to move out of here,

I’m a young adult in my 20′s who is still living with my parents and other family members; it’s been very difficult for me living with this family when all but one love to manipulate the hell out of me and make me their personal maid. Despite everything, I’m not even treated like an adult around here.

The issue isn’t that I’m made to clean the entire house and act as everybody’s nanny, this is only a part of it. As mentioned previously, this family has affected my mentality to the point of making me want to take my own life when I was just 11. The root of all my problems is my mother.

Since a young age she has made me into the house’s personal nanny, is it obvious that I’m an only daughter? Seriously, I’m expected to take care of the house by myself, have a job, and go to school while paying for it.

I’ve had to care for three brothers, the two eldest being 30 year old men who do nothing around the house and use the excuse “I work”. My younger brother is sometimes an exception to these things but if he insists I not do things for him, it infuriates my mother. Another I must care for and baby is my father who is practically royalty in her eyes.

On top of this, I must take care of 7 cats who were all thrown onto me. Don’t get me wrong, I love this felines with all my heart and will protect them till my last breath, but to be told I’m the one who brought them and wanted them in the first place and to be expected to do everything for these cats is rather unfair. Hell, another thing that completely pisses my other off is if I receive any kind of help.

Speaking of help and brothers once again, the eldest of the bunch is just like her; a mama’s boy who repeats her every word and treats me as horribly as possible,. He’s gone as far as to asking why my parents haven’t kicked me out yet, simply because he dislikes me for no reason. I can describe this man in a single word: a parasite.

Moving on to the next issue: I have no basic rights around this home.

I am not allowed to feel emotions, as hilarious and ridiculous as that sounds. I am not allowed to think for myself. I am not allowed to act for myself.

My mother offers help, but never goes through with it. She has offered to teach me how to drive; yet here I am in my 20′s trying to make an appointment for my written test. She has offered to help me get a credit card, yet another reason I can not afford an apartment/home is because I have no credit let alone the card. She tries to restrict me of adulthood as much as she can so that I may always depend on her. This way, she can always have me living under her roof, always serving her and her parasite of a son. I can’t even go to the doctor’s office, she never believes me every time I say that I’m feeling ill. She never believes me until it’s gotten to bad, and she in the end asks “Why didn’t you tell me? We could have stopped this in the first place”

This woman is very narcissistic, always putting herself above everybody no matter who they are. If it’s not her being held at a high pedestal, it’s my father or that parasite who is praised for washing his dish after eating.

She calls me her best friend yet has the audacity to claim I’m dead to her.

I really don’t know how else to describe that I want to move out of here, there are literally so many other reasons but I think it’s best that I just name these for now. I have attempted to do writing commissions in the past, I try to sell items in different website but I never have any luck with anything I do.

I would never retort to e-begging but like I said...I just can’t take it anymore.

#kofi #donations #please help #suicide tw #mental health #moving out #boost if possible please

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homeofjonicles · 2 years

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The Jonicles - Entry 4.5

Note: This is an early entry of The Jonicles, hence why the date does not match when this is being posted. It also isn't counted as an "official" or "mainline" entry, but instead a bonus one. This was written back in May of this year before I started this blog, and there will be errors or developments in how this series was being written. Please enjoy (or don't enjoy) entry 4.5 of The Jonicles!

It's currently the 28th of May, 2022 at 4:41 pm. It's Saturday, and I'm (supposed to be) working on my assignment. The day of reckoning reaches ever so closer. Today also marks #10 of my Jon Arbuckle fixation.

Another announcment entry, yes! For this entry, I will announce two things.

First of all, I literally just purchased Garfield Kart: Furious Racing on Steam for $2.15 as it is currently on sale for 90% off (at least it wasn't 82¢, eh?). This is very important and I will detail my experience in Entry 5.

Secondly, the number of days of my Jon Arbuckle fixation has finally reached double digits! I take this as proof that my standards in fictional men has stooped so low that I've been simping for a dorky cartoonist for 10 entire days! Let's make it to 20!

That's all I have for today, see you in Entry 5, weirso looking through my notes.

Last edited at 6:41 pm. Again, it didn't take me 3 hours to write this, I was doing my work.

Wondering about the image above? Well, it's an edit I made of that one strip where Garfield knocks Jon's vase off the table, and the reason Little Fella is there is because a friend of mine introduced me to Little Fella and as an extensions, Cold Ones, and its become a sort of inside joke to reference him whenever possible.

Also, the reson this entry ends with "weirso looking through my notes" is because The Jonicles is written on the notes app on my phone and at the time of writing them, the only person who would be reading them would be a "weirso" looking through my notes app. And now it's "weirso"s looking through my Tumblr blog! Oh, how things change.

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 20th of July, 2022 at 7:00 am.

#jonicles 4.5 #bonus entry #AAAYYYYEEE LITTLE FELLAAAAAHH

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saintlevrant · 3 years

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𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐟 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞-𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐩?

𝑞'𝑠 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑐𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 — Use of first person. Crack! My wifi is down, and I can't do my school work. So, let's dilly dally! ♡

tw: mature language

𝐎𝐣𝐢𝐫𝐨 𝐀𝐫𝐚𝐧

♤ personal manager

♤ 10/10 employer

♤ gives random raises and bonuses like it's nothing

♤ also buys a gratuity gift for being his personal manager

♤ "I know it's not much, but it's a little something."

♤ and he just eagerly stands there while I open it

♤ if it's something stupid, on everything, Imma act like that shit is the coolest thing ever given to me just to make him happy

♤ "Gahlee, my guy! This shit cleaner than a bitch! Where'd you get it from?"

♤ his grin is so goofy afterwards

♤ such a sweet man, but ong he stinks after a game

♤ please, y'all know how those jocks in the hallway smell on a daily basis? it's that + make it ✨ sweaty ✨

♤ I'd have to wash his uniform and force him to shower 3 times to get that stench off

♤ hahaha he had me in the first half

𝐊𝐢𝐭𝐚 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞

♤ rice processor

♤ 17/10 employer!!!

♤ he'd probably want some help harvesting the rice, but me and outdoors don't get along

♤ mans does not ask questions after I tell him that

♤ the king of approving whack ass vacation days

♤ he'd let me stay home for a month because I asked and still pay me while I'm gone

♤ he also buys his workers breakfast and lunch without taking it out of our paychecks

♤ the best employer on the block

♤ worse part of the job is when he calls meetings

♤ only calls them when sales go down

♤ he has 5 people that work for him (the two harvesters, me, the dude that picks up the rice to deliver it, and homegirl that takes record of the amount of rice harvested)

♤ we sit at a round table and he, deadass, stares into everyone's soul

♤ "Sales... are down."

♤ scariest statement I'd ever hear ✋🏾

𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮

♤ idk, man. his receptionist?

♤ 6/10 employer

♤ don't get me wrong, probably the coolest employer out of all of them

♤ would probably try to drag me everywhere with the team

♤ bitch, I'm supposed to be at home managing your business calls, not out here babysitting a whole volleyball team

♤ swear, this dude forgets to pay me every other month

♤ that means I get paid once every 2-3 months

♤ how am I supposed to LIVE???

♤ really gotta learn how to ration that shit, ig. wealthy girlies could never.

♤ the pay day might be sporadic but he pays a shit ton when he remembers to

♤ I don't get to take vacation days with him, not because he won't let me, but because, I'm scared to leave him to fend for himself

♤ worst part is that he makes me clean up his house

♤ "Got anything goin after the game?"

♤ "Swear. I gotta go do some chores."

♤ "Does that mean yer cleanin my house today?"

♤ no, Atsumu. I'm not ya fookin nanny

𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

♤ dish washer

♤ 13/10 employer!

♤ tried to make me a waitress at first

♤ told him that I'm not a people person, but he kept asking so politely

♤ I mean, homie is super hard to say no to

♤ so, I did it anyway. I'd pay attention to the orders, but I wouldn't talk to them

♤ other than me LOOMING over the customers silently when they needed a refill, I'd be a pretty decent waitress

♤ yeah, he automatically knew that I was right about wanting to be a dish washer

♤ I become the dishwasher (yessssir!)

♤ I literally scrub the dishes so clean that they started squeaking

♤ all the workers are thinking that the utensils and plates are going to break

♤ girl, no. them thangs have to be sterilized. there's a mf pandemic out there

♤ probably the most laid back employer

♤ he's the second most organized after Kita

♤ he pays good money too, and he does not forget to pay on time

♤ vacation days are up to a week per pay period, but he's nice about it

♤ paid leave is only when I get sick + bonuses are only for holidays and birthdays

♤ FREE LUNCH!!!

♤ pick anything off the menu and that's lunch

♤ Imma be milking the shit out of that opportunity cause I want that free lunch to keep coming

♤ "Mr. Osamu, put it on god you made this."

♤ "Ha ha, yeah, I made it."

♤ "On my mama, this hoe bussin! Keep doing what you doing."

♤ the worst thing is having to touch other people's messes. ong that's gross.

𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐚 𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨̄

♤ personal assistant

♤ 4.5/10 employer

♤ the absolute worst one to work for

♤ does not care about anything except what he wants done

♤ you think that he can't be that bad, but I'm telling the truth

♤ calls in the middle of the night for stupid ass errand runs with no reason at all

♤ he has shawties

♤ and he has a bunch of them, like he's trying to be gen z's flavor flav

♤ he orders me to go pick one of them up and take them back to his house OUTSIDE OF WORKING HOURS

♤ uh, I don't know if he forgot, but I ain't his fucking chauffeuse. I'm the assistant

♤ but I let it slide because his shawties are really nice and deserve to be driven instead of walking alone at night

♤ he just ruins it though cause he proceeds to tell me to go pick up some condoms and lube

♤ chile, I knew that they were gonna have a lil seggs, but I ain't wanna hear it from homie himself

♤ deadass, I just bought some of that shit about a couple of weeks ago

♤ I'd go anyway though, ya know? for the coin

♤ cause he pays decently, not as much as Atsumu, but then again, he pays weekly (that's where 2.5 of his rating comes from)

♤ don't expect any vacation days, raises, or bonuses. you're setting yourself up for failure if you do

♤ all I get is a day off each week and a 10 minute lunch break during working hours

♤ the shawty fiasco isn't even the worse part

♤ when he has his old team over his place or just any company, he shits on everything I'd do

♤ most of Inarizaki are foodies, so if he tells me to go pick up some din dins for them and HE doesn't like it, he's gonna throw it all away and tell me to go get something else

♤ "Try again. This time you better not fuck up."

♤ and he be saying that shit in front of everyone

♤ whatever, g. I should've gone to Shiratorizawa.

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