#so i'll cope with happy fanfiction

[irondad-defensesquad]

when he was a kid, tony's birthdays were always huge parties that never actually celebrated tony. it was always about stark industries.

so when he goes home for the weekend, neither of his parents have come to pick him up, since they're busy with the preparations. tony knows he's just going back to an empty house and will be forced to meet his parents' business partners and their kids who don't even like tony.

but this birthday is different. instead of heading home, jarvis takes tony to get some ice cream. just the two of them. it's nice, but tony doesn't understand where this comes from. the boy asks jarvis if maria or howard told him to do this. but all jarvis answers is "it's your birthday, isn't it?", proving he genuinely just wanted to do this one nice thing for tony.

"you didn't have to," the kid insists either way.

"well, it's your special day. you don't need to be tony stark. you can be just tony, a boy who likes ice cream."

and that is how jarvis views him. just a boy named tony.

his birthday goes on as usual. but for the first time, tony knows at least one person in this world is glad he's here. and this one person will always be there for him.

tony's birthdays are no longer so lonely.

EDIT: i wrote a full fic!

[fbfh]

good news wildcats, I'm finally watching hsmtmts s4. I just finished episode 1 and I am SCREAMING.

toxic ricky is back!!!!!!!!!!! unhinged unstable season 1 ricky my darling!!!! my beloved!!!!!!!!! my pathetic soggy prayers have been answered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lemotmo]

I need to say something...

I've seen quite a few Buddie fans confused and ashamed on my dash lately. Mostly because they feel guilty for not liking Tommy or the bucktommy storyline for various reasons. Some of them even feel anxiety about how the storyline will proceed and resolve. I responded to one of those posts earlier and I'm going to post my response here again for everyone who needs to hear it:

Never feel bad about not liking a character or a storyline. This is fandom and in my opinion all takes are valid. Take it from someone who has been in various fandoms for 24 years now. (Yes, I am that old ;)

If it will make you feel a little better: I don't particularly like Tommy that much either. I mean, I don't hate him but I feel pretty neutral about him. I can superficially see that he is a good guy that likes Buck. And I love him for making Buck feel good and helping him out of the closet. Let it be known that I'm a big fan of bi Buck and I'm so happy that 911 went there with him.

But personally I'm pretty 'meh' about Tommy and when he leaves in a couple of episodes I'll be okay with that. I've also seen some people that have fallen in love with him and want to keep him around. All these takes are valid and more than okay. As long as you respect other people's opinions and thoughts about a character it's all okay. Don't go out of your way to hate-post about him, because you aren't a 14-year old and it's just really distasteful. But, you also can't force yourself to like a character if the feeling is not there.

The same goes for a storyline. I'm okay with the bucktommy storyline at this moment, but I do want it to be temporary, because I want Buddie in the future. And yes, if bucktommy were here to stay, I would be very disappointed in that storyline. I haven't been watching, waiting and hoping for Buddie for 6 years to end up with both guys in another relationship.

And again, that is a valid take and those are valid emotions. It's all okay as long as you are respectful towards the people that do love Buck and Tommy together.

I cope with it by curating my fandom experience. I block haters (whether they hate on Buddie or Bucktommy), avoid bucktommy fanfiction and stay away from the bucktommy tag on Tumblr.

I don't avoid posts on my dash or in the Buddie or spoiler tag that are also tagged bucktommy. I read them, like or respond to some of them. Sometimes I even reblog them if they are interesting and have a link to Eddie or Buddie.

Lastly, don't give up on Buddie yet. I have a feeling things might get interesting the next couple of episodes. Only time will tell if I'm right about this.

[holly-opal]

🎪The opposite digital circus 🎪

So I thought a thought and i made tadc swap au. Except they swap personalities and are the opposite of themselves.

Pomni

Instead of being anxious and wanting to find an exit, Pomni is over the moon and is very happy to be here. She has always wanted to be in a happier world when she was in the real world, and now she is! Pomni has made friends with everyone! Sometimes she sings songs out of nowhere like a Disney princess with music no one else can hear, she talks to imaginary animal friends, and she makes jokes even at the most inappropriate times. She would honestly get along with Kaufmo.

Jax

Instead of being mean and egoistical, he's more shy and quiet, often staying out of the way of conflict. He likes to make his own movies in the tadc version of Windows Movie Maker (inspired by @sm-baby) and occasionally make pillows forts with Kinger and Zooble. He is relentlessly bullied by Gangle and sometimes gets yelled at by Ragatha, but he still sees the good side of people. He's the type of person to give people a second chance even after they've already broken every chance they've got. He gets along with Kinger and Zooble the best, and he has a bit of a crush on Pomni. He used to make comedy movies with Kaufmo.... But we all know how that turned out.

Ragatha

Instead of being optimistic and caring, she's pessimistic and is very dead inside. She doesn't like to be around people and is more often in her room when not on adventures. She is very depressed and is prone to lash out to others, she doesn't really mean it tho. She finds it hard to cope in the digital realm, she's practically stopped cleaning her room. She and Gangle fight a lot, she finds it hard to relate to Zooble and Jax, Kinger is very naggy, and Pomni is... Well Pomni. She was good friends with Kaufmo though...

Zooble

Instead of being moody and avoidant, they're very carefree and adventurous. They love being around people and experimenting with creative projects like sculpting, lego building, etc. They still have an identity crisis and smoke a lot though. They sometimes try to get Jax into drugs, Kinger scolds them alot about that lmao. They used to smoke a lot with Kaufmo.

Gangle

Instead of being sad and kind, she is a BITCH- Jk but she is mean tho. She takes out her anger about being stuck in a digital hell out of people, particularly Jax cause he's the weakest. Her sad mask is replaced with her angry mask, which makes her yell and harm everyone in her path. Gangle still has the happy mask, but it's more passive aggressive and fake now. She still writes fanfiction and watches anime tho. She sometimes forced Kaufmo to watch an anime.

Kinger

Instead of being..... Well very kooky, he's more logical and stable. He acts like a father figure to most of the inhabitants in the circus. He likes to research bugs and capture them, he sometimes captures the centipedes for Ragatha. He has a very low tolerance for anyone's bullshit, especially Gangle's or Ragatha's. He's usually very sweet, but can be VERY scary when he's mad. Besides Gangle and Ragatha, he's good friends with everyone else, he even had a crush on a certain ringleader (Wink wink 😉) Kaufmo supported him having a crush on the AI.

Caine

What was once an enthusiastic and happy ringleader, became depressed and apathetic to it all. After watching players abstract day after day after day after day, he became less of himself. Eventually becoming more sad and unmotivated, only doing the adventures cause it's the only thing to do nowadays. Although he doesn't see the point in it, he's still good friends with the inhabitants, but he keeps his distance. He truly does love the chess king, but he knows it's only a matter of time before he abstracts. Hell, Kaufmo already did.

And that's everyone! I'll do more with this au, such as making everyone's designs, make comics, and other stuff. Here are some drawings of them

[a-rabid-snake]

fanfiction?

I still don't know if you can call it fanfiction

Hunter/surviv

Hunter/Gourmand

—And then I said he was very cute, I feel so stupid —

Hunter was lying on surviv's lap, telling his story about how he spent time visiting Gourmet. The chubby slugcat helped to cope with the rot in his body and gradually, Hunter got better

— I was confused then and wanted to sink into the ground —

Hunter put his paws on his face, hiding it, as if again in that stupid situation

—So you like him after all —

The white slugcat spoke cunningly, stroking the poor pink slug on the head

— What?!! —

Hunter jumped, finding himself in a sitting position, he was disheveled and confused. He turned to the white slugcat, slightly blushing

— w-.. No, it's stupid! I can't love him, even if he's kind.. sweet.. gentle and helps me.. —

Hunter paused, thinking about what he had just said, he had in fact directly admitted defeat

— aaaaaah! —

The pink slugcat fell back into surviv's lap. The latter exhaled a little painfully, but remained calm

— So what's the problem, just admit it to him —

— But, what about you...? —

— Does that stop me from loving you? Or does it stop you from loving me? —

— Well.. no —

Surviv started stroking hunter's head again, looking at him with a soft and soothing gaze

— Then just do it. You know I want you to be happy, and this love for Gourmand clearly makes you happy —

There was a soothing pause, allowing hunter to digest all of the above

Hunter stood up less abruptly and turned his whole body towards surviv. The snow-white slug calmly looked at the muzzle of the pink slugcat, he was covered in scars, but even so, he looked very cute

Hunter gently hugged him, but holding him like he was his lifeline

Not such clawed paws hugged hunter in response, they soothingly stroked him, calling him to relax and calm down

______________________________________

—I'm worried, and if something goes wrong, and if I can't say anything, and he thinks I'm a complete idiot??? —

— Everything will be fine, just don't worry —

The survivor tweaked hunter's small jewelry to make him look more attractive. These are mainly bracelets and earrings

— Easy to say, harder to do —

The white slugcat put on and tied a bow tie around hunter's neck and took a step back to evaluate his work done

— You look absolutely amazing, I'm sure everything will go smoothly —

Surviv came closer

—Just be polite as usual, don't worry, especially since you somehow managed to win me over, I think everything will go smoothly with gourmet as well —

Hunter exhaled a little nervously, trying to collect his thoughts

— Yes, you're right, I just need to be as calm as possible—

— And also —

— m? —

Hunter got a little kiss on the cheek

— Be careful —

The pink slugcat smiled softly

— Of course, you know me, I'll be fine —

They said goodbye and hunter went on what looked like a date

A chubby slugcat with glasses was already waiting for him on the spot, he came before hunter and also looked not bad

— Hi, uh.. —

Hunter was a little out of breath on the way here and tired of it

— You finally came, hi, as I understand it, you wanted to discuss something, it's just that you took me for a walk —

—Uh, yeah, give me a second —

Hunter came to his senses and took a deep breath, his gaze fell on gourmet's face and the redhead slug forgot what he wanted to say, he just stared at how the beige slugcat was smiling and waiting for him

— Is something wrong? —

— Uh, uh, no, no, that's it, that's all right —

Hunter was ready to die on the spot. He just came in and already feels stupid. But after a while they were able to start walking. Gourmand looked very calm and confident, unlike hunter, who looked a little stingy and restless

They were walking near the river, it was more or less safe here, although it is not advisable to fall into the water, it is cold and you can easily freeze up

— Our relationship with enot is not going badly. He understands all my problems and thoughts, so it's okay, but how are you doing? —

— Oh, uh, well, I'm fine t- —

Hunter stepped on the edge, which turned out to be unstable and began to crumble, and for this reason, the red slug began to move rapidly down

Fortunately, the reaction of the beige slugcat was good, so he quickly grabbed hunter by the wrist and pulled him towards himself, pulling him away from the edge and not intentionally, pressing him to himself

It took Hunter about twenty seconds to come to his senses and realize what had happened

— Can you let me go? —

— Oh, yes, I'm sorry —

Gourmet let go of the red-haired slugcat, they both looked a little embarrassed by this situation

Fortunately, this tense silence was broken by hunter

— Thank you... For it —

—There's nothing to thank me for, I just reacted quickly... Let's just keep going —

— Yes, come on —

_______________________________________

— You've been coming to me a lot lately, has something happened? —

— No, no, it's okay —

— Then what's the problem? —

— Oh, let's take a break —

Hunter took gourmet by the paw and dragged him to the edge, which was near the water and was stable

Gourmet was a little surprised by this, but followed him

They both sat at the edge and just stared at the water. It was quiet, you could hear the water gradually flowing away, like time, the night is not eternal, tau that something had to be done

Hunter relaxed a little from the bitter fatigue of tonight and felt more free

— Look, I'm sorry that I'm being so... stupid and in general, for the awkward situation —

— Don't worry, it's all right. Enot usually arranged situations even worse than these —

— Yeah.. —

Hunter became a little more despondent and looked down, where there was still water

It did not go unnoticed and hunter felt like a huge soft paw hugging him

The gaze of the green eyes drew the attention of the owner of such strong paws. Gourmet looked restless and sympathetic

— Listen hunter, I can see that something is wrong. Just tell me, I won't judge you, you know —

There was a tense silence, Hunter tried to gather his courage, he started all this and it means he needs to sort it all out

The pink slugcat exhaled heavily, gathering his courage

— Listen... It's hard for me to talk about this, but please take it calmly —

Gourmet nodded understandingly, continuing to hug him

— I know I sound weird and awkward. But I have a reason —

Hunter took a deep breath and started

— I've been talking to you for a very long time. I'm very comfortable with you. You understood and helped me all this time. Dude, you literally helped me get rid of the rot. I am very grateful to you. You've literally been very nice to me, even though I'm so weird. Yes, God, I love you. —

There was an awkward pause. Hunter turned away, looking at the water. The thought of falling into the water flashed through his mind, but it never came to that

They were silent for a while, then a chuckle was heard from gourmet

The pink slugcat looked at him in disbelief

— Heh, uh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just can't believe it. Don't get me wrong, but I was wondering when you'd make up your mind —

Hunter was uncomprehendingly silent

— I noticed your behavior a long time ago and realized it. I discussed this with enot a long time ago and he almost literally said, "I won't mind if you have someone else." —

— I mean, are you too..? —

— Yeah, I love you too. —

There was a pause again and unexpectedly hunter began to cry. Gourmet panicked a little and hugged him to calm him down

— I told you, everything will go smoothly —

Surviv watched them from behind a tree and was glad that everything went well

He was talking in a whisper for some reason, even though he was far enough away

— Yes, I agree, everything went smoothly —

— wt- enot?! —

— What? —

— What are you doing here —

— The same as you —

—... You're an idiot —

— Yeah —

_______________________________________

Guys, this is such crap, it's simple. You can stone me if you want, I just think it's the worst thing I've ever done T-T

[phightinghottakes]

I have nothing hateful to say today. So umm

Hot take that AUs exist to explore characters freely and that you should be allowed to make AUs just to see how a character would work in a different scenario or with different conditions.

Go ham, make an AU where Subspace and Medkit get married. ...Just respect the canon and acknowledge the fact that it'd most likely be incredibly toxic and something that should NOT happen in real life. I know I'm gonna destroy my reputation on this blog for this, but it's a hot takes blog. I came here to state my opinions, not agree with other's mildly controversial but still comfortably safe takes.

Fiction... Is fiction? And as long as you don't endorse this awful stuff in real life and are entirely aware of how bad it is, it's fine to think about toxic ships and even explore them in fanfiction and fanart. Please. For fuck's sake. Fiction exists for a reason.

This is coming from a Subspace fictionkin, and it hurts in the slightest to say this, but- Phighting characters are just that. CHARACTERS. They are not real people and it is not going to bring anyone trauma if you write a fanfic where Subspace and Medkit make out- As long as you don't shove it down other's throats of course. Be respectful about what others want to and want to not see.

Also I've seen it be thrown around a lot that people write fanfiction with awful topics portrayed to cope with their experience and while that is most likely true, I'd like to argue that people can write and/or read things of the like for other non-weirdo reasons. I'll go ahead and put myself out on the spotlight as an example: Whenever I think about "toxic yaoi" it's NOT because the thought of being in a toxic relationship makes me happy or whatever other bullshit, it's because it's an interesting dynamic to explore and a mental exercise for what someone would do in such a scenario. I write about characters to explore the potential of a human mind: Because fiction is fiction, and I can read about an abusive relationship without endorsing it.

Right. For my own safety (and in fear that someone knows who I am out of anon), I'll avoid using any anon name. Have a nice day.

.

[angie-long-legs]

//Long post alert! A little look into the mun's feelings since joining this lovely community of writers and hazbin enthusiasts! Discussions of trauma, mental health and bereavement but nothing explicit, and overall, the tone of this post is positive!

I started to rp as Angel back in March of this year, and it's honestly been such a wonderful experience. I've met so many lovely people and written brilliant stories with brilliant writers and it's been such a joy to meet you all.

I didn't have a great start to my year. I'll be completely honest, I don't entirely remember what triggered the little blip in my mental health just after Christmas (part of my mental health issues include memory problems), but from working with my therapist, we think that I was pushing a bit too hard with stuff I wasn't ready to process.

I have always been a writer. Since I was 14 I've kept a journal, I've filled notebook after notebook and it's something I've never fully stepped back from. I need to write, it's the way I process things, and it always has been. I've rped as a teenager, written fanfiction, written my own stories and poetry, and these days I focus mostly on writing music. However, I never let go of journaling. I struggle to communicate my feelings, so writing has always been my outlet.

It's also how I process trauma. And, until recently, I was working a lot with my therapist by bringing my notebook into appointments and basically processing what I'd written with him there to support me and help me untangle things that don't make sense.

Close to Christmas, I was doing some very heavy and intense writing. I pushed too hard against walls that were not steady and I collapsed. I wasn't coping well, I wasn't sleeping, I reached out for help but mental health services in this country are dire, and I wound up in a situation that hasn't been my reality in years.

Honestly, that time period still doesn't feel real to me. Which is often how bad things feel - it's part of how my brain copes.

After that, I stopped writing in my notebook. It was too much and I was scared of pushing my limits and losing control. I was pulling back in therapy, I wasn't bringing in my writing anymore.

To top it off, I lost a family member a few months later. It was foreseen and it was peaceful, but it was still painful.

I started watching Hazbin pretty soon after it came out and got absolutely swept up in Angel Dust's character. There are few characters I've felt as strongly connected to or related to as heavily him, and his story is incredibly meaningful to me. During this time period where I was too emotionally vulnerable to approach my own painful experiences, there was a cathartic release in seeing the same experiences played out in a fictional (albeit intentionally realistic) scenario that I was capable of processing.

I was pretty quick to start rping as Angel once I'd watched the show. This porn spider was begging me to write him, and I needed to write - I just needed to write in a way that didn't overwhelm me.

And it's been so incredibly beneficial for me. Not only in that it allows me to explore some of my own feelings and traumas in a safe, controlled way, but I've made such amazing friends and written in new ways I wouldn't have previously tried my hand at. I've written plots that are so silly and ridiculous, I've written darker themes, I've written comedy, angst, fluff, smut and I've adored all of it. More than just an outlet, it's a creative hobby that keeps me thinking about things I genuinely enjoy and makes me happy and has lead me to finding people that I feel lucky to have encountered in this community.

In the past month and a bit, I started telling my therapist that I've been writing on here. He pointed out the fact that I stopped writing in my notebook and started writing on here around the same time, and that it might be easier for me to write as a character than actually write as myself for the time being, and that this was a healthy way of going about it. Because I'm still writing - I'm just doing it in a way that isn't going to hurt me.

It's a very standard way of coping for me as well. I have a dissociative disorder, it's not exactly beyond the realms of belief that when coping with a difficult situation, I recede into "it's not happening to me, it's happening to them". I'm incredibly aware of this.

But, overall, I'm just glad I've found a way to cope that's so engaging and so creative. I feel like I'm learning more every time I write and pushing myself to better, and it's amazing to do something with my own ideas, spin them into something real rather than let them fester away in my brain. I'm so grateful for this community of fandom nerds and I'm so lucky to have found something so wonderful to fuel my imagination and gently nudge me in the direction of healing. I love all my friends and my mutuals, and even if we haven't interacted you can bet I'm looking at you and frothing at the mouth waiting for us to write together. I feel so full of appreciation every time I come on here that people even want to write with my silly little portrayal.

Thank you for making this such a rewarding experience for me. I love you all 🩷

[gojonanami]

omg omg omg the Actor AU is out! I just wanna say thank you so much for blessing us with this amazing fic. I absolutely loved your Three's a Crowd fic, and now the Actor AU got released and I'm screaming! It's so funny! It's so sexy! Satosugu are the dream team <3 The Actor AU is now one of my all time favourite fanfictions ever. I just know I'll be re-reading it for several years, over and over again <3 I'll write a longer review raving about it when I get the time to.

Thank you for helping us cope with JJK depression :D We truly are blessed to have your writing.

ahhh thank you for reading 🥹💕 it makes me so happy when someone says anything I wrote is their favorite fic fjfjf I just love you — thank you babe 😭

if you did a longer review I would cry 😭 but of course take your time and take care yourself first!!

haha this was my coping with jjk depression — it’s okay they are just actors :) — jjk is just a tv role.

you’re very very kind and it means so much to me -/ thank you love 🥹💕

[sliceoflifeshepard]

Introduction Post!

Hi guys, I'm Halina or Athena, I've been on tumblr since 2012 with various different blogs but ultimately ive ended up starting over with this blog because i needed a fresh start and i didnt agree with stuff ive said before/ done before

Also @scribble-dee-vee I'm using your own intro post as a template for mine, love you hon!

About Me

I'm British, but also come from a Polish family. I unfortunately do not speak any polish though

I'm 27, autisic and I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome

I am asexual.

I cannot work for health reasons and so I spend all my time writing, reading, diamond painting, video gaming ect

Happy to send asks about your characters and wips, I'll just need to read up on them first if I do not know you, or you have been on my dash talking about them in detail and I'm not sure of the whole picture

My favourite breed of dog is a Corgi, and I'm a huge cat lover. I have three cats, Phoebe, Winnie and Misty

I wrote 4 wips in 2022 back to back and sent myself into writers block hell.

My favourite book series happen to be Skulduggery Pleasant, Game of Thrones and the Robert Langdon series, and also anything Agatha Christie

I will happily read and react to murder, violence ect but if that came to the tv screen, I cant really watch it.

What I Write

I've expanded to write anything and everything almost - I write screenplays, full novels, radio plays/ podcasts, short stories and fanfiction

I used to write a whole bunch of stuff original fiction wise, but found my true home in writing about Angels, Demons, Reapers, Gods and Humans coping with them and causing chaos

I also write first person POV mostly, do not message me asking to change this. I get enough asks asking me to, as it already is

I love fantasy stories, lgbt stories, a whole bunch of things.

My Major Projects can all be found at these two links:

List Of The Athenverse Summaries Of The Wips

Im happy to answer any and all questions and I hope to hear from you, happy to be here

You are ALWAYS welcome to jump into my inbox about your own wips and ramble and stuff. I'll love you forever, trust me.

[vgbndangel]

Mild trauma trigger warnings with depression + probably more about me than you ever wanted to know.

I promise this might be the only super serious post I make. Maybe.

But I see a lot of stuff around and figured I wanted to write something on a more serious note, imagining that it might maybe slightly help even one person.

I'm not here to judge or shame anyone--quite the opposite really. Life is hard. We all cope in different ways. (And often develop traits or even kinks from our experiences--me included I have a lot of darker kinks even, and that's okay 💕)

I might not even post this tbh since some of it I've never told anyone but I'll keep things a bit vague.

*** Actual stuff 👇 ***

From a young age, I was cripplingly, embarrassingly shy.

Like can't talk on the phone, play with people on the playground, make friends shy.

I'm not really sure *why* but I just felt "different" and found it impossible to really connect with anyone.

This led to me being in my own head a lot and over analyzing everything.

As you might imagine I had no friends growing up. (Shocking I'm sure)

None. Zip. Zero. Nada.

My parents didn't understand me, my brother didn't understand me. I just felt completely alone.

Naturally, I read a lot.

Mostly fantasy books about other worlds, magic, adventures, friends, and romance.

Every novel I could find at the library. (I was also obsessed with Harry Potter fan fiction oops, don't @ me, no one irl knows this and that's how it's gonna stay)

I started to wonder a lot about "the meaning of life" and really didn't understand what the point was--everyone around me always seemed so much happier.

I desperately wanted to leave and go to any of these worlds that I read about. I thought if I died would I be reborn in a better, happier world. That's how I became suicidal at 14 - no external trauma, just a self-fulfilling prophecy of depression and loneliness.

I never tried to act on these thoughts or tell anyone. I would just spiral downwards whenever I was alone.

Now fast forwarding a few years, I went off to boarding school--for academic reasons not behavioral ones.

You'd think putting a lonely, depressed kid to live on his own would be a recipe for disaster. (Also my parents had no idea I was depressed since I never talked to anyone)

But actually it wasn't! The school had a lot of structure for forcing people to interact even for someone like me.

I made a few friends and started to see some happiness in life.

Around this time I started dating someone for the first time (all of my knowledge of relationships came from books and fanfictions mind you).

As you might expect, this person became my entire world.

There was a lot of drama of course--we were teenagers in boarding school what do you expect? We broke up, got back together, had a lot of sex in risky places, and made very many unreasonable promises.

We dated for two years before graduating.

We went to different universities far away and talked about making it work long distance.

A week after she moved away, she broke up with me by phone with no real warning.

I was devastated and was actively suicidal for the first time.

Three years went by - we talked on the phone every month or so (she would talk to me whenever she was lonely as a last resort and I would eat up the attention).

If you take anything away from my post (if anyone made it this far)--don't ever do this to yourself. Block them until you've gotten over the relationship!!! You deserve to be somebody's first choice.

I started to feel happy for the first time getting away from school during an internship. I didn't know anyone and I started learning how to be happy by myself and with myself. For the first time, I found myself living in the moment rather than imagining a better moment.

Second major takeaway I want to impress upon you dear reader--focus on baby steps to feel better rather than "visualizing yourself at the finish line". For basically my whole life, I had wanted to get better and not getting to this imagined "happy" led to constant downward spirals.

I have had a lot of ups and downs since then. But measuring my progress instead of focusing on how far away an imagined, moving finish line is has helped me immensely.

A lot of time, people treat happiness as a very concrete thing. You're either happy or you aren't. The things we read and experience create "checklists" of happiness for us. And mostly it just feels so far away -- there's always something "missing" or not perfect which sours everything.

I'm not perfect now--even today as a highly functioning adult I have (many) days where I want to just stay in bed. I have insecurities and oddities. And that's okay.

Life (and relationships) is about learning and growth. Trying to be a better person and finding small happinesses in small steps.

Finally, if you're struggling with depression or trauma try talking to someone you can trust--a therapist, partner, close friends, a help hotline, anyone. My biggest regret is silently struggling because it could have ended up with the worst ending.

You matter and have value 💕

[Sorry if this came off as kinda soap boxy. I know I'm writing from a position of immense privilege. I could also probably cut out some of the personal background, but I didn't want to. ily for reading this whole thing.]

[mctwinkdom]

Hi! About your post on reading good fanfiction: I'm writing my first fanfiction in this fandom at the moment and I feel a bit discouraged by the amount and quality of works that already exist. Is there anything you do to kind of get yourself away from that mindset that you can share?

That is a great question to which I'm not sure I have a great answer, but I'll try.

First of all, your work matters. Fandoms will not be the same without creators, and we are all thankful to them for sharing their works publicly and for free. Don't be discouraged by the amount and quality of works in our fandom, because you have the power to add to this amount and quality, and we all benefit from it. No matter what your fic is about, there will be people to appreciate the time and effort you put into it, and the stories you share.

Now, for the things I personnally do when I feel insecure (those are my coping mechanisms, I'm not saying they work for everyone):

- There are period of times where I simply don't read any fanfiction just so I can focus on mine, this way I don't compare my work to others.

- I talk to my tumblr buddies, whether they're writers or not. Finding a buddy is easier said than done, but it really helps to be hyped up by someone in your writing journey by sharing ideas and snippets with them.

- I convince myself: my ideas might seem self-indulgent, but there must be someone out there who will enjoy them, and who will be grateful to read something like that.

- I put things into perspective. I read plenty of fics I didn't like. Did I leave a bad comment on them? Did I report them? Did I break the author's fingers? No. I just closed the tab and moved on and let other people enjoy it. Some people will not like my fics, and that's okay. Plenty of other people will. I didn't receive ONE bad comment since I started.

- I think... I'll never improve if I don't actually write. Fanfictions are also a mean to experiment and a place to grow. I ain't a traditionally published author. And there's a freedom in that: you can publish what you want, as bad or as good as it is. That's powerful, to be allowed to try, to have NO standard or expectation to meet. And that's fun. You can have SO much fun once you realize how free you are. You can literally write whatever the fuck you want, like, how COOL is that??

I have no idea if those are helpful...

I guess my point is: there will be someone out there to enjoy your work. And the first person to do so... will be you. If you enjoy your ideas and what you write, frankly you already won. That satisfaction when you finish a fic hits Hard. You'll love it, you'll see.

And the fandom will be happy to have one more fic, one more author. We're lucky to have a rather big fandom, some don't have any content, so we can only be grateful.

So go for it!!! I'm cheering for you!!! Good luck on your first fic, I know how intimidating it can be!!! But it's worthy, I promise!!!

[greenelectricsky]

So, OK, what I made in 2023. Well... I'm really surprised how that year ended. In January I completely didn't think I'll be back to writing and I'll start publishing my works. Moreover, I was preparing a totally different costume! So, hell, what a year. Here we go!

First thing: costume of Cysiek and TuśTuś!

I still think, it came really good as a last minute thing!!! Especially the wig, because I didn't just glued hair but I made it in a totally different way, because I wanted it to last and last for the next few years!

Second thing - Cats scenes! It was a moment, an inspiration and I started writing them... It was supposed to be just an experiment, a little thing, and I thought it will end as fast as it started. But no. They keep coming, one easier than the other, one funnier than the other and... Well, now it's a part of my life! And I like them, even if some people would be extremely happy if I would never write anything again!

Third thing - fanfictions! Oh boy, that's a story!

I wrote, published, translated and published those:

Those are from the Star Wars universe, most of them I wrote loooooooooooong time ago at a paper and I have no intention to translate them, for now at least.

So yes writing them down on paper was work from other times, but writing, rewriting and polishing them on the computer and publishing them is 2023 work!

That last series (Scenki rodzajowe) is "work in progress" because more of them are on my computer, but need a lot of work before publishing... So still, 2023...

And six next wait for digitalisation! Those I don't count as 2023's achievements.

Some next are brewing in that head of mine, but are waiting to write them down! So 2024 will be really interesting... I don't know if my hands can deal with that!

But, more about Cats and 2023!

Those four I wrote and published, two of them waiting for a translation:

And I have those four beauties!

You see how fat some of them are (I'm writing on both sides of every sheet, so one of them is more than 120 pages)???? And all that was written in 2023, waiting for digitalisation! I have zero idea how to translate them... Just... I'm afraid it's too much but I really, really, really want them in English, so there is no other way than to do that at some point... Well, it's the future!

And of course I have more plans. Two as a Labyrinth/Cats crossovers (one Tuggoffelees and one Skimblestrap), big work with the complete story of my OCs, Mac's redemption ark; one more serious work about Tugger adopting a little Misto after loosing his brother Mac and coping with that - those are solid ideas, with notes and of course more less concrete things, more a ideas without any context.

And, what do you think? It's a lot? Not at all? For me it's an incredibly big thing and I'm proud of myself!

Also, from other things - I'm planning to change my job. I still love working with animals, really, but well... I was burned out by working with clients :( It's just... It's really nice helping others, giving them ways to be a good pet leader but in that moment I'm more resigned than hopeful. Also, I have enough of my bosses and environment in which I work. I want to start working with costumes and/or stage props, because it's more to my liking. I have no idea how to realise those plans, but I'm hopeful.

[just-prime]

Just read all your Ahsoka reviews, they're great, thanks for writing them

I think the reason Thrawn's eyes look off is the same why as Ahsoka's, Hera's, Ezra's, just anyone with the weird contact thing going on, all do. In real life you can't actually clearly make out someone's eye color from like across a room distance, but they've given this always noticeable almost florescent glow to the eyes. You can do that fine in animation but in live action it becomes uncanny valley

Very much agreed that the worst thing is the feeling of nothing happening. The show isn't paced to stand on its, it's meant to exist as part of the filoni cinematic universe. The mcu-ification of media is a f-ing plague upon the soul of art

And speaking of nothing happening WHAT IS SABINE DOING like she knows she's got a very short time to somehow steal the hyperspace ring so they can get back and stop Thrawn from returning, but she's just like nah I'll just tell Ezra nothing and chill out with him I AM PULLING MY HAIR OUT

Also just a last thing that was (painfully) funny to me that I haven't seen anyone else point out, at one point Sabine slashes a guy in the face then stabs him in the chest, then STILL kicks him away from her which is what actually knocks him over, BECAUSE LIGHTSABERS CAN! NOT! KILL IN THE NEW STAR WARS

Sorry I started out thanking you for your great posts, but then ended up just ranting in your inbox, totally no worries if you just want to completely ignore this ask lol

First off holy shit I have my first ask!!! I was in class when I saw the notification, so I couldn't get up and do a little happy dance...But know that I wanted to.

Anyway, YES on everything about the eyes. That's exactly it. You've managed to put words to what felt off perfectly. SO thank you, because yes, to all of it.

Also, yes, the mcu-ification of media is indeed a FUCKING plague upon the soul of art

I say this as a recovering MCU fan who's coping with the death of her childhood via fanfiction but seriously not everything needs to be set up for something else.

Also, it feels like this should have been a movie. 2 hours, maybe even 3, but then everyone would be in position and we wouldn't have to deal with all the stupid filler.

Yup, Sabine is horrifically out of character. She's nonchalant about things she should care about. She cares about thinks she should be nonchalant about. It's painful, and annoying, and I can relate to wanting to pull my hair out.

It is laughable to me that we've gotten this far and lightsabers are still functionally just swords? Like, we've not gotten to see someone doing something cool with them in a while. I totally agree also that they've been watered down, which is a shame because we're finally getting to the point effects-wise where we could be doing some really cool shit with them, and instead they are left as poke-y sticks.

Thank you so much for dropping into my ask box. Thank you especially for the rant. It was very fun to read. If it helps assuage the anxiety, know that not too long ago I was the on leaving anonymous blocks of text thanking people for the validation and also ranting a bit too :P

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Get to Know the Unknowable!!

14 DEC 2023 Lest I ever forget this momentous day

Hey so I found a list of weird unambiguous questions so we're doing a get-to-know-the-blogger thing for shits and giggles, which I guess I'll link in my masterlist or something.

Gonna include some blog-driven questions first and then just delve straight into what-the-actual-fuck territory.

Here we goooooooooooo

Fandoms?

One Piece Live Action is the only one I'm actively writing right now, largely for my own sanity. Fandoms I also write for include One Piece anime/manga (of course, though I'm painfully behind), Death Note, Harry Potter, Supernatural, Seven Deadly Sins anime, Durarara!, Chrono Trigger/Chrono Cross, and maybe some others I might remember and add later or something. Feel free to make a random ask request for literally anything listed, there's a chance I might end up responding to it. But OPLA is my hyperfixation at the moment, with a little spice added here and there from manga. I make my own canon, don't like it then sail on.

Genres?

Oh fuck me up, I will write any genre. My original work is primarily horror, sometimes with a touch or fantasy or science fiction, almost always with a splash of crime. Fanfiction often revolves around romance, but if you want something niche, DEAR GODS TELL ME I WANT TO PARTAKE especially if it's horror please ask me to write horror

Reply time to ask requests?

My life is very chaotic right now, and thus therefore also is my reply time. Do not get disheartened if I write a few headcanons and/or a one-shot or two before I get to your request. Writing is very much a coping mechanism for me, so I write what I feel. That does NOT mean I'm not interested in your request, it just means that I want to make sure I'm in the right mindset to do it justice because I love you people and the fact that you like the shit I'm shoveling makes me so unreasonably happy.

Are you really an ageless unknowable horror?

Yes. We get into fandoms, too. Eternity gets fucking boring okay don't judge. Especially when your bff has been napping for LITERAL CENTURIES WOULD YOU WAKE UP ALREADY YOU TENTACLED DIPSHIT I'M STARTING TO RELATE TO THESE MORTALS AND IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE

What is the most ridiculous nightmare you have ever had?

Actually I wrote a whole ass horror story about it, which I might share here someday. So there was this epidemic of huge windstorms one night that knocked out the power in a handful of small towns around the world. Then the next day there were these weird little black rocks, oval shaped, about an two inches long and one inch wide. Smooth like river rocks with a white line running through them, just scattered around the towns here and there. Not super noticeable, not tons of them, but just enough that they looked out of place. If one came in contact with your skin, e.g. you picked one up or kicked one up into your shoe, you'd get this weird little pinprick of pain just behind your left shoulder. Three nights later, at precisely 2:43 in the morning (nonidea why, but it was 2:43, Inwill never forget that), you hear footsteps. Quick footsteps, small footsteps, coming toward wherever you happen to be, and then you're asleep. Then you wake up the next missing a limb or an organ, no signs of any injury or surgery or anything, just like it was never there to begin with (and obviously if itbwas a major organ then you never woke up again at all). There was a lot more detail, the dream was like living in some weird sci-fi horror movie, and it was so vivid that when I woke up from it I literally sat up and jerked away all my covers to make sure I still had all my limbs.

Tell us an embarrassing story.

Seventh grade. Close to the end of the school year. Was reading a book (I think it was The Shining), had one of my ankles crossed over my other knee, didn't realize I was somehow pinching a nerve. Had to stand up at end of class period, and one of my legs had gone completely numb. I stood, took one step, went down like a sack of bricks. The group of boys who used to bully me were all in the class and spent at least a month mocking the spectacle. Still think about that sometimes.

Explain an inside joke you have with a friend or family member.

Any time hubs and I go out together for any reason, one of us inevitably does Rick Sanchez voice "And awwwAAAAAyyy we gooo" before we leave the driveway. No idea how this started. No idea when it will end. I have a feeling we'll still be doing this into our 80s with no idea why.

Tell me your life story in exactly one sentence.

"Oh no, not again."

What is the strangest coincidence that ever happened to you?

Went to the beach when I was seventeen. Was sitting out on the boardwalk playing guitar by myself because toxic family members were doing nothing but argue and fight in our hotel room, I literally just walked out and no one noticed for hours. Was super peaceful. Got into a conversation with two strangers who had just met each other as well and were hanging out, two kind elderly men. As we were talking, I found out that one of them was from my very small hometown in New York and had moved to the beach recently; and the other was from the very small town I lived in at that present time in South Carolina, and had recently moved to the beach. Both of them had moved there at around the same time. I still think about that a lot.

What is your favorite random fact?

Pineapple eats you while you eat it.

What is your useless talent?

I can bend the top joint of all of my fingers without bending the second joint, a la Sith Force Lightning. Arguably it makes me better at music, but I've never had to bend my fingers like that playing guitar, so I disagree.

What is the strangest food combination you enjoy?

I literally have no idea. I'm a tremendous foodie and "strange" is relative when you're willing to eat literally anything put in front of you at least one time just to experience it.

What would you name your heavy metal band?

Plastic Peanutbutter

If you could choose one superpower, what would it be?

Invisibility, so people would like just leave me alone seriously I'm antisocial as shit just give me peace and quiet (not internet people, you guys are cool af)

What is your strangest irrational fear?

Gamma Ray Bursts. Do yourself a favor amd don't Google it. I spent literally two years of middle school fucking petrified of that shit. It still gets under my skin if I think about it too long now.

Describe your most eccentric family member.

It me! 😁 or maybe my niece, but she's basically my personality twin so either way.

Have you ever met a celebrity? Which celebrity would you like to meet?

Nope. But I really would love to have coffee with Stephen King and just talk about life. His On Writing memoir changed everything I thought about writing, taught me that imposter syndrome was a thing, and that even the most talented and successful artists have it. Really I just want to thank him.

What is the craziest thing you ever did on a dare?

Got a tattoo. It's a skeleton key, on the outer side of my right thigh. I have another, but I got that one on a dare. Basically just because why not, and I literally forget it's there sometimes and sort of jump when I notice it.

What is the grossest thing you would do for $100?

Probably eat something super weird. Will literally try anything once, food-wise. In fact I'll usually try it twice, just to be sure.

What songs are on the soundtrack to your life?

Don't ask me that, we'll be here all goddamned year. A few right off hand though are "Doesn't Remind Me" by Audioslave, "This Train Don't Stop There Anymore" by Elton John, "What it's Like" by Everlast, "Gone Away" by The Offspring, and "Vienna" by Billy Joel. I'm also unreasonably hyperfixated on The Fratellis right now because I suddenly remembered they existed a few months ago after more than ten years not hearing them at all and now I know almost their entire discography by heart. They're my feel-good band right now and pretty much all I'm listening to. Yes, there definitely is something wrong with me.

What actor would you choose to play you in your biopic?

Samuel L. Jackson. My life requires hefty use of the word "motherfucker." He might need a wig or two but I think he can handle it.

What is your go-to karaoke song?

I've never karaoked, but probably something from Chris Cornell, Ella Fitzgerald, Jewel, or Fleetwood Mac. Or "American Pie" by Don McLean.

If you were a superhero, who would be your archnemesis?

Probably myself rofl kinda don't like me very much

Create and describe an undercover alias.

Fancy black bowler hat, and a pair of those joke glasses with an attached giant nose and mustache. But like, be completely and totally serious about it, to the point that people are afraid to question you.

What is your most random impulse buy?

Death Note manga, complete box set. I was seventeen. I had money. Many years later and I do not regret it at all and it sits very close to my bedside.

What did you do as a teenager that makes you cringe now?

Let bullying bother me.

What would your warning label say?

"CONTENTS HIGHLY UNSTABLE, DO NOT TOUCH MIGHT TAKE OVER THE KNOWN UNIVERSE ON CONTACT or possibly cry hard to tell"

What is your guilty pleasure?

I don't think I have one. If it brings you happiness, don't waste your time being guilty about it. Just enjoy it and kick anyone who makes fun of you for it directly in the shin-bone. Actually don't do that just ignore them I'm not into violence.

What emoji do you use most often?

Combination of 🙄😒 to signify eyerolling.

Does your family practice any unusual practices?

Does emotional unavailability count asking for a friend

A genie grants you the ability to have infinite amounts of one item. What is it?

Guitar strings. Please. Dear sweet fuck PLEASE

What is your favorite joke?

A big moron and a little moron sit on a bridge. Which one falls off?

The big moron. Because the other one was a little more on.

Aaaaaahahaha

What is the best Halloween costume you ever wore?

Pirate. Always. I have so many clothes tucked in my closet and jewelry hidden away that are strictly there for the sole purpose of putting together an impromptu pirate costume it's honestly kind of sad honestly

What is the most awkward situation you ever found yourself in?

My very very religious mother-in-law noticing that I have a tattoo on my forearm...after SEVEN YEARS. Awkward af, but it was also hilarious.

What is the most ridiculous thing you believed as a child?

My older brother once told me when I was very young that vehicles move by rolling over and over end to end so fast that you don't know it's happening, and crashes happen when they hit a rock or a crack in the road the wrong way. I spent TWO YEARS secretly terrified of getting in a car before finally asking my mom about it and she just sort of sighed and said "oh god please stop listening to your brother"

What is the most outrageous lie you told a child?

I don't know Santa or something? I've got a ton of nieces and nephews. I try not to lie to kids, apart from letting them think magic exists for as long as possible, because everyone deserves to believe that.

What is the dumbest way you injured yourself?

Broke my pinky toe, because my dog got under my foot and I didn't want to step on her paw by accident so I jerked the wrong way

How do you waste time most often?

Probably napping. But given I have trouble sleeping at night that's sorta necessary or something I guess.

[doctorweebmd]

hi this isn't a question i just desperately need to tell you how much zero sum game ruined me and put me back together again. lurking mental illness and suicidality under shit circumstances, physical disability, mental and physical scars, constantly fighting off the ptsd and having to learn how to cope in ways that don't hurt other people so you can hang onto the person that makes it all worth it. it's everything i've gone through, right down to soul destroying and healing intimacy, at first to feel pain and then to attempt feeling truly good for the first time. zero sum is undoubtedly going to be one of those artworks i can never shake off my psyche in the best way, like an abstract background hug for my heart. thank you so much for taking so many scary themes to tackle and packaging them so beautifully, i really needed that lately.

sincerely, a previous battle of the bands fan who is now absorbing your entire oeuvre into their personality.

first i want to thank you profusely for sending me this. thank you for sharing your own experience, and your own pain. i know thats not easy and i'm some random person but honestly reading this makes me feel not so alone in the world. of course, thank you for reading, but also for relaying that you felt seen by it. i always feel so silly because its a my hero academia fanfiction but, with all sincerity, words like yours are what make writing it worth it.

zero-sum is sincerely my favorite thing i've ever written and probably always will be. not because i think the plot is awesome or the physics stuff was cool (EVEN THOUGH I STILL THINK THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE) but because its the first time i was able to write about my own personal experiences with mental illness (heavily projected onto Katsuki and Izuku, lmao) in over ten years.

Okay fair warning i am going to overshare under the cut so please feel free to stop reading also I love you and cherish you and appreciate you thank you so so so much for sending this

i'm sharing this because, at some point, i needed to read this. maybe someone will stumble on to it and realize something. maybe not. maybe its just another way for me to continue to process what happened. i think i'll always be processing it. mental illness is a bitch

when things got really bad for me (the first time around) i stopped writing completely. at that time, i truly, from the bottom of my heart, believed that my disorder was the only thing that made my writing interesting. that if i was to recover, that means i could no longer do the only thing i was good for. unironically, writing was actually a major barrier to my recovery for some time.

writing, the thing i loved most in the world, started heavily triggering me.

so i stopped.

the problem was, i heavily romanticized what i was going through in my writing. i made the suffering 'beautiful.' by thinking it was beautiful, i was trapping myself in a loop of self-destruction.

they say, 'write what you know.' but all i knew was misery. so misery was what i wrote.

romanticizing your pain is something i think we all do. sometimes you have to. its a survival mechanism. if the pain is 'beautiful,' then its 'tolerable' to go through.

what no one really tells you about mental illness is that its really, really fucking lonely.

what no one tells you about recovery is, its even lonelier. its the most isolating thing in the world. everything you relied on, everything you thought to be true, the way you interact with the world completely changes.

things are always going to be different. you can't go back to who you were before.

what i did do, when i went into recovery, was read the very few published books about people with (disorder) who recovered. over and over and over again. i needed something to latch on to. anything. i needed to believe it was possible. i needed to believe people like me survived. that they could find happiness. that they could find love. that there is space in this world for people as broken as me.

i dont know. zero-sum, to me, was a love letter to that 19 year old kid that hit her (first) rock bottom. i pretended she didn't exist because it hurt too much to think about her. but what she needed to know, then, that recovering, no matter how difficult, was worth it. that life can and WILL get better. that she will one day wake up every morning and think 'fuck. i'm so glad i'm alive.' that even people like her can find happiness.

that one day, many years later, embarrassed, she'll show her scars to a person she just started dating. that he'll sheepishly show her his. that they'll exchange police reports like love letters. she'll learn that there are people out there that understand her. have felt her same pain. have lived through the same hell. she'll learn that survival is sometimes based on hope, and sometimes based on spite.

but is, despite it all, always worth it.

she'll learn that her suffering does not preclude her from love and connection and happiness.

that one day, she won't feel so alone.

and that one day, she'll be able to sit down at her computer and write about it. maybe it will be in the form of my hero academia fanfiction lmao but that doesn't make it any less real.

maybe it will reach someone. maybe it won't.

but one day, she'll be able to do the thing she loved more than anything in the world again, because nothing is ever truly lost.

there is a future worth fighting for.

[sylveriasarcana]

little OCD relapse wobble tonight. my own fault, tried to do exposures i wasn't ready for while feeling vulnerable about other stuff

didn't seek reassurance and only thing i googled was coping strategies to avoid rumination. taking that as a win!

maybe i'll spend some time with my fic tonight. yup, that's right - writing fanfiction again after I had that OCD meltdown and orphaned all my stuff! because it makes me happy so why not

gonna do that giant Adanorth fic from North's perspective once I'm done with my current multichapter. been talking about it for years. gonna do it for real soon <3