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taylor-titmouse · 9 months

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2023 Book Retrospective

it's pretty much the end of the year, and i've never done this before, but i wanted to take a look at what i managed to do in 2023 and share some of my thoughts on it! i published five novellas this year (though i didn't actually write one of them) plus the public release of the demo and first huge update to You're A Mage on Monsterfuck Mountain. that's a lot!

so let's dig into all that. this will contain some spoilers for the books, because it's hard to talk about them without talking about what's in 'em, so maybe check out my itchio first and grab anything you missed! (but also.... perhaps wait until this weekend before you buy anything. shh.)

You're A Mage on Monsterfuck Mountain, released in March

TECHNICALLY, the demo was finished and available on patreon around the end of last year, and didn't become public until I'd finished the garden update, which i did finish this year. and what a massive fuckin THING that was. 60k words! 50 illustrations!! the biggest thing i ever put out and technically finished, and the beginning of a move to being less afraid of writing "weird" sex. there was so much bee sex in it. arguably too much bee sex in it. which i'd left entirely til last to do which meant i was writing nothing but bee sex for weeks.

this was the first time i let myself really indulge in writing dubcon for the bad endings, and it was a lot of fun. very often it was more interesting than the deliberately horny routes, because it meant writing a way to be put in the situation, and also making it hot every time. i'm very much of the philosophy with dubcon that even if the situation wasn't Ideal for the character, they're still going to get good sex out of it. i believe i put it at another point as, i'm here to write the pleasure of helplessness, not suffering. to that point, the dubcon endings for the armor, the dryad, and the queen bee were my favorite bits from this.

the fact i never got a second update out this year is a big regret. i finished a bunch of the routes for it, but ultimately i wanted to have things i could release! shortly after publishing the demo and update, i officially put my webcomic on hiatus so i could focus more on my graphic novel, and also spend more time on my writing. having that extra time is probably the only reason i was able to write as much as i did this year, and i didn't want to spend it toiling away on a serial project i couldn't release for months at a time.

which leads us to the release of my first novella of the year...

House of the Risen King, released in April

now this is when i truly said "i'm just going to write what i think is hot and interesting and not worry about how it's perceived!!" and went whole hog on exhibitionism and monster dubcon cult horror. house was mostly inspired by the ending of Hereditary, and was originally going to be more poltergiesty and played more straight, with vee being harangued by a bunch of horny ghost-demons and nothing more sinister than that. but i've had cult shit percolating at the back of my brain forever, and i wanted to play with ideas i'd first developed in shadow in the shelves with rituals and shadows, so here we are! the scene of hettie fingering vee in the bathtub while vee's god-fucked out of her mind is my favorite.

fun fact, the original seed for this book was actually going to feature max and mortis, my photographer/model couple (that link goes to cohost because i wasn't posting here yet when i was drawing them the most). the idea was they'd go do an urban exploration shoot and mortis would start getting fucked by a ghost while max filmed it, but the more time i spent with those characters the less i wanted to involve the supernatural. which meant i never wrote their book, and had to make a new character to do the idea. and then it wasn't even that idea anymore.

that's writing, folks

Roger Crenshaw: The Dogs at Duskfall, released in June

... which makes it ironic that the next book is one i didn't even write! r/l monroe @mortalityplays has been my friend for years, and was my editor for a long time (until he got a REAL JOB and didn't have TIME to edit anymore. sobs, cries, kicks a stone and walks into the distance). he's also always been an incredible writer, and for my birthday this year i asked him to write me something. i asked with the expectation of a little short story about our old tabletop RP characters, or a fanfic scene for one of my books he'd edited.

and then he wrote me 20,000+ words digging into the character of roger crenshaw and who he is that perfectly summed him up and tied all his stories together, such that i don't think i ever need to write another one. he did it, he wrote the perfect ending to roger. AND he did it using my favorite of his ocs from our tabletop campaign, AND there's some really hot and sweet smut in it. AND HE DID IT IN LIKE TWO WEEKS.

i loved it so much that i asked if i could illustrate and publish it as an official novella, and to my delight he agreed, and it was so so nice to collaborate with him on it. even if it meant beating our heads against the wall for 30 minutes about the placement of certain images on the page.

this was a great tragedy. i'd drawn the vagina one first, but an image earlier in the book had to be moved, which affected the placement of everything else. the vagina image had been perfectly at the start of a new page, and then suddenly it wasn't. so i had to do the penis one instead for better placement. tragic!!!

it's hard to pick a favorite scene in something written entirely, lovingly for you. how can i choose between the characters' pitch perfect semantic arguments on the nature of folk lore, the millenium princess-ass memory hopping, or the really really hot smut? i can't. i love it all. thank you r/l for being so good at what you do and writing this for me, i'll treasure it always.

The Dragon Double Feature, released in May

apparently this came out in may, and not july. i don't know why i've been convinced this came out in july. oh well i can't be bothered to insert it on top of the roger one.

anyway. THIS book. this book exists because i believe at the time i was a bit blocked, and wanted to just write SOMETHING. for a long time i've had the idea of a dragon wrecking a princess' wedding and fucking her in front of the congregation just sitting in my back pocket. it was the 'i know i could just slam this out if i wanted. i don't have to care about it it's just sex and then it's done' fallback idea, and i finally did it!

and then it was too short. i don't like the idea of publishing anything less than 10k words for full price, so i was like. okay. alright. i've always thought fucking an eastern dragon would be hot and have this other idea i was going to use for roger (back when i had an idea for every monster possible for roger), let's just write that. kenta is only kenta because i took a poll for what body type i should pair with a dragon (he was 'big boy', i think the other options were twink, older woman, and average woman). and i was also Really into the movie inu-oh at the time, which is probably obvious with kenta being a blind musician, lol.

the musician and the waterfall was tougher to write because i didn't have a clear vision of how it should end or even how they should fuck (the mechanics of fucking long noodle dragon have challenged me for years) but i'm ultimately pleased with it. it would have been a long time since i wrote something sincerely romantic, and it was nice to go back to it. i'm a HUGE romantic at heart.

both stories are pretty much one extended scene so it's hard to pick a favorite moment from them, but i will say i'm very pleased with how i approached writing the musician and the waterfall, specifically in the challenge i set myself to never use visual description kenta couldn't reasonably guess. writing from the POV of a blind man made me focus in on different senses and ways to describe them.

this book is also, as of right now, my best seller. which is great! i love that for me.

The Dragon Double Feature 2, released in July

okay i guess THIS one released in july.

anyway i got stricken with the curse with this one. a lot of people wanted me to write a sequel, but i wasn't going to. and every time i say i'm not going to do something, i end up doing it. it's so annoying. this one only happened because i wanted to write a SHORT! a SHORT extra for patreon describing kenta and wakatake's first time having sex as humans.

and then i wrote too much preamble describing their time on the beach. and then i got emotionally invested in unpacking their actual relationship, and also added a third character with mrs arakawa, and had to bring it all together into a story that was coherent and had something to say about the way they loved and ALSO ended in a THREESOME because WHATS THE POINT OF INTRODUCING A THIRD CHARACTER if they aren't all going to FUCK TOGETHER!!

it was tough. but i'm really, really happy with it in the end, and think it's one of the best things i've ever written. my favorite scene is definitely them playing with the hermit crab on the beach. metaphors babie.

the gundrid/eveline story is fine too. lmao. i NEVER PLANNED TO WRITE ANOTHER WITH THEM!! i only did it because the idea of publishing a sequel to a story from a double feature without writing a sequel to the other half of the feature was insane. and now eveline and gundrid are some of my most beloved characters, to the point of writing another book featuring them...

The Tenebrous Tower, released November

yet another book i'm pretty sure i was like 'i don't need to write this. this character doesn't work for a story on his own, what am i ever gonna do with him' and then i dumped a bunch of fantasy characters into a jar with him and suddenly i had a story. I ONLY MADE ROMICK BECAUSE I WANTED TO DRAW FUCKED UP WIZARD PORN AND MY ONLY OTHER OPTION WAS A GRANDPA!!!

anyway i started writing it as something to do on vacation, and it was just gonna be a bunch of dungeon bdsm vignettes until i hit on a throughline and suddenly i had a story and an emotional arc and damn i did it again. i did it again. i have a book.

i was expecting this one not to do very well because it had multiple prerequisites, but because i am a master of my craft i made sure to write it so you didn't need to read those. and then people read it without reading those. so it worked out anyway and now it's done just about as well as dragons 2. the people love romick, but they especially love the idea of him being destroyed. maybe someday. maybe someday. (except on patreon, where it's already happened)

the final vignette with the doll is, of course my favorite. i think it was a lot of people's favorites.

............................................

and that's everything i published this year! honorable mention to my novel starbuster, which i'd written most of last year, then spent all of october this year revising with the intent of finishing it, only to run out of steam by the time i was done revising it. so it's exactly where i left it last year. just better written. god it would be nice to finish that fuckin thing next year.

my goals for 2024 are, of course: release more books!! i have a big project i've been working on illustrating for the past month that i'd like to release in january, and i've also been working on a spin-off one-shot with mrs arakawa and an oni. i think this coming year i want to Try to blast through some of the one-off ideas i developed this year so they'll quit banging cowbells in my brain. like the sleeping garden. it makes me insane i never actually wrote the sleeping garden.

anyway if you actually made it to the end of this, thank you!! if you've bought all of these books, double thank you!!! i've been able to pay my rent and expenses just with my adult work this year, and it's been amazing and fun and super fulfilling. thank you for supporting me in 2023, here's to a horny 2024!!

#tt talks writing #taylor titmouse

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azaracyy · 8 months

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to the next stage of our adventure! digimon survive week 2024 day 7: post-game / future personal thoughts under the cut - less about the artwork and more about shuuji and lopmon themselves. a long rambling containing major spoilers and heavy topics. will cause whiplash. proceed with caution.

other than the fact this may be boring and long-winded, cw and tw: there will be mentions of self-harm and suicide. if these topics make you uncomfortable, please step back. if you're sure, then alright. i'm aware this is a weird place to ramble about shuuji and lopmon considering the notorious highlight of their story would match the themes of day 5 (villains) and day 6 (dark & loss) better. unfortunately (ironically?) i never planned to feature them for those days, so... pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this, but when i discovered that a good part of the fandom seems to loathe shuuji with utmost passion, even after they claimed to have completed the game, i was confused. the way his death happened and (understanding) the cause made me uncomfortable for a while, but never drove me to the point of hate... once i recovered from the initial shock, what i felt towards him was more pity, then respect (on truthful route). i feel shuuji should have been one of the most appreciated characters in survive. yet it was the opposite that happened. (between you and me though, knowing there was this discourse with the fact digimon survive is a visual novel, i'm not that surprised it turned out this way...) from my point of view, lopmon evolving into wendimon then killing shuuji symbolizes suicide, the act of taking one's own life. it was the climax of shuuji's mental breakdown, leading him to basically self-destruct, causing damage to everyone around him and ultimately himself. lopmon evolved, just like he hoped. but failed to do it like other kemonogami partners (maintaining control of themselves and fending off enemies). the next and final outcome was death, through his own partner actually eating him alive too. it reminds me how when someone thought they have prepared well for something important yet it failed spectacularly, the devastation and frustration would eat them in the same way from inside. and they probably would for one second think, "i'm better off dead". the more i pondered about it, the more it hit home, so of course, the last thing i could do is hate him, when his struggles sound similar to my own - having to rely on consistent achievements to prove your value, to feel you are worth living and not a waste of resources. the part where shuuji went all abusive on lopmon felt like the equivalent of pushing yourself to the extreme to reach your goal, to the point of neglecting your own needs. it's like a student so absorbed in their study, sacrificing food and sleep, until their body eventually snaps and shuts down for good (...this in fact happened to one of the students at my previous workplace. she was in her last year of high school. life was just about to truly start for her when her classmate informed us of her sudden death). even in truthful route where shuuji and lopmon survive that point, things aren't immediately nice and easy for him. you can see that he still has self-doubts, and what i think is impostor's syndrome. he could be making a great contribution to the team and still put himself down for having done "nothing". i have found it interesting that artists and writers tend to be especially fond of shuuji. so perhaps it's not just the matter of one's upbringing - whether you were raised in a harsh, competitive environment and/or with family with (unreasonably) high standards so you can relate more easily to him - but also whether one can see just what every struggle shuuji and lopmon went through symbolizes shuuji's mental state. out of all survive characters, i think shuuji and lopmon pulled off this thing called "surviving" the hardest, no joke. which is why i almost always gravitate to drawing them happy because that's what they deserve :') after all this, what i also would like to say is, it's okay if a character makes you uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate a character. but never, ever bring down the character to people who like them or even consider them their favorite or comfort character. if you must, do it in your own space and only with like-minded people.

#digimon #digimon survive #shuuji kayama #lopmon #survive week #survive week 2024 #obligatory shuuji-focused post where i make myself go a bit ✨ extra ✨#sorry for the long rambling tho i just thought i never had the chance to put this in words and this time i really want to do it #thanks for being patient with me :')#so i didnt manage to post for all days after all but i still have the ideas and sketches #if i ever finish them i will post and tag #if we have another survive week next year i hope i can actually prepare early so i could just schedule posts like a boss #then enjoy every submission without having to worry about finishing my next one #back to commissions starting tomorrow o7 updated my vgen listings recently so feel free to look around if you'd like #let's keep surviving y'alls #png

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ryuichirou · 10 months

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TWST boys first time hcs

We have some asks about a certain theme, so we’ll talk about this one today~

There is also another ask on the similar topic about RookVil specifically, but I’ll reply to it a bit later; sorry for the wait and thank you for your patience.

Anonymous asked:

i’m curious about who you think would take other characters virginity (ex trey taking riddle’s or deuce taking ace’s)

Anonymous asked:

So how Ace's first time having with someone go? This man needs it so badly.

Here is the thing about us and characters’ virginity: it kind of resets all the time lol Because we’re multishippers + also love to play around with different scenarios, there’s rarely one just one headcanon that we keep in mind. For some, like Diasomnia boys for example, it’s generally the same every time, but someone like Idia is cursed to wake up being a virgin every day no matter what happens to him in our stories and posts lol I’ll try to mention different scenarios, but the possibilities are truly endless.

Alright, let’s go.

Riddle would lose his virginity to either Trey or Floyd. Ace is also technically an option, but for some reason I imagine him either entrusting his vulnerable self to Trey or doing something truly reckless with Floyd and maybe regretting it later lol We actually have a post about his first time with Floyd… No matter what happens though, Riddle won’t stay a virgin by the end of his time in NRC, even though he intended not to have sex until he gets married.

Trey’s first would probably be Riddle, but I can also imagine him having sex with some nameless character maaaybe when he was a freshman. He seems more experienced somehow, and also like someone who is much hornier than he looks lol But maybe he just watches too much porn.

Cater doesn’t remember who was his first, or at least he says that he doesn’t. Maybe it was some girl from one of his previous schools… or was it a boy? He didn’t even get to cuddle with them properly, so it’s a bit of a blur. He went through a phase when he tried to score a lot of “firsts” in just one week, I guess.

DEUCE AND ACE!!! There are options lol I know we like to joke about Ace being a forever virgin and Deuce being kind of a hoe, but I actually quite like the idea of these two being each other’s firsts. Because it definitely won’t be as nice as it sounds, and they do look like someone who would want to “explore things” and go too far. The tension these two have is just way too insane.

I also ironically (based on how many replies we have on this topic…) don’t really think that Deuce would sleep around in NRC, even if he tried to make Ace mad. That being said, I do think that it’s quite possible for him not to be a virgin. He used to be quite a bad boy after all, so one of his gang member could have been his first. Or was it that police guy he mentioned at one point? Could’ve been either.

ACE… is way too funny to make fun of because he’s a virgin lol but I’m pretty sure Deuce would be his first. Unless we’re going an AceRiddle route, and that would be absolutely disastrous.

Leona lost his virginity a long time ago and he absolutely won’t tell who the lucky person was. He wouldn’t refuse to reply either, he would just roll over to his other side and yawn, making it seem like he didn’t hear your question. What is he hiding..?

Ruggie actually does remember his first time because it was the moment he realised that he can make a lot of money doing this stuff! It was probably some rich guy whose identity Ruggie won’t reveal for obvious reasons, but Ruggie still remembers him fondly.

Jack is a virgin! >:C He waits until he falls in love with someone special he wants to spend his life with! But he’s still either end up having his virginity taken either by Epel, Deuce or Vil. The first two would be very spontaneous, passionately sloppy and anxious. If it happens with Vil, it’ll look more like Jack being tamed.

Sigh, the Octa trio…..

Azul is absolutely a virgin lol And while I love him with Jamil too and he could easily lose his virginity to him in some scenarios, it’s much easier to picture him doing it with Idia. It’s just way less intimidating to Azul that way, Idia is much easier to handle. This sounds kind of rude to Idia, yikes… but Azul is just as pathetic, so it’s okay lol

Jade is a mysterious man…. Is he a virgin? It’s not like he cares about sex. But one day he would just randomly mentioned that he isn’t a virgin and like?? Since when?? With whom?? Is this a person from NRC or??? Jade won’t give an answer to that :( He’ll say that he is horribly shy to talk about it, but the smile on his face would make it clear that he isn’t shy at all.

Floyd doesn’t remember who was his first, because he is super horny in general and used to be even more horny when he was a freshman. He doesn’t think much about these things, he just craved all the experiences he could get back then. But at the same time, it’s possible to come up with a scenario in which Riddle would be his first… but Floyd being a virgin doesn’t make him even a little bit less of a menace lol

Kalim’s first was Jamil, 100% guaranteed. Even if he is supposed to get married, even if he gets a harem, his first time would still somehow be Jamil. This is just how Kalim is wired…

Jamil is an interesting one, because he is so stressed and married to his job that I feel like he isn’t that into sex. Which means, Kalim would absolutely be his first too. That being said, I can also picture him sleeping with someone out of desperation, frustration or even self-punishment: it could be either a random Scarabia student, Azul or even Floyd.

Vil’s first time happened with Rook <3 Like I already said, we’ll dive deeper into these two in another post, but I’ll say that despite being quite flirty sometimes, Vil is actually sentimental and careful enough not to kiss or have sex with a lot of people that he liked, so him wanting to have sex with Rook was actually a big deal.

Rook’s first could either be Vil (<3) or honestly some other mysterious person whom he met prior to becoming a NRC student. He is surprisingly experienced for someone who is supposed to be a virgin, so it’s not impossible to think that he hides some things about his quite exciting past.

Epel is a virgin that has a lot of potential bachelors around him lol Rook definitely could be preparing him for himself, but the most possible option for Epel could actually be Floyd. This guy is everywhere…!! Jack is also an option of course lol

With Idia it would also heavily depend on which couple is the main one in any given universe. Because we could have a sweet messed up scenario of Idia and Ortho being each other’s firsts and having more secrets that people realise, absorbed in each other and their own world <3

But in any other scenario, he is SUCH a forever-virgin. Azul is a very possible option for him to lose his virginity with, and of course the Tweels could also work, and Sebek… it truly depends on the ship lol

And OF COURSE Lilia is a very possible one! He would get so nervous thinking about how Crimson Muscle is definitely very experienced and mature and has a family and stuff, and he is just a pathetic guy with a crush~

Ortho would probably have his first time with Idia in any possible scenario lol Even if it was just an experiment on his part. He really loves his niisan…

Just like I mentioned, Diasomnia boys are a bit more “concrete” in the way we headcanon their first times. For example, Lilia was the first for both Malleus and Silver; they have this weird love triangle/square that we always keep in mind for some reason. I guess it just works nicely…

With Sebek it’s either Silver (very likely) or Malleus (if Sebek is LUCKY!!), but he is also one of the more passionately uncontrollable hormonal boys, so no one is truly safe around him. It could be Idia or even Epel lol

As for Lilia, well, he either doesn’t remember his first time or wants us to believe that he doesn’t. Maybe it was someone from the battlefield, maybe it was a specific woman from his past, maybe it was just a random guy. I feel like Lilia could even think that it was one way, but totally misremember things lol

As a bonus!

Rollo is a virgin. Duh.

Che’nya is very close to what Floyd has going on, but a bit less active; his first would still be some cute beastboy from his school.

Trein’s first was his beloved wife, but that doesn’t mean that Trein was his wife’s first. Trein used to be quite a shy guy…

And Crewel’s first was some guy from his dorm when he used to be a student. He does remember him, but doesn’t think much of him: Crewel wasn’t the nicest guy back then (and he isn’t really a nice guy now lol).

#replies #headcanons

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kimberlyeab · 10 months

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Undertale Yellow - Thoughts

Do you ever touch a piece of media and it hits you so hard that you just decide to drop all your artistic responsibilities for a day and write something to get your thoughts down into a single coherent place.

Well, uh… let’s talk about Undertale Yellow.

Please avoid if you intend to play and do not want spoilers as this delves heavily into topics laid down in the pacifist route. Also please note this contains content warnings for child death, so don’t touch if that ain’t your cup of tea. Like all Youtubers would say, please play the game before you read this, because this experience is best enjoyed in its original form.

The first issue i am struck with before getting too deep into this topic is that this is a fan project. While i, as a fan creator, enjoy feedback on my work; even if it is a little biting at times, i don’t know the pulse of the team in this regard. After all, this had no price tag and was purely a labour of love with seven hard years of development behind it.

i also don’t know how the development of this project was handled and if it was a collaborative effort from start to finish or different teams worked on different sections with an overarching goal. All i have is my own experience of modding for Hearts of Iron IV where my efforts were focused on singular nations and not overarching plots. If different sections were handled by different teams, please don’t take a critique or praise of any singular section as a slight against your work, it was all fantastic just some areas were more fantastic than others.

i enjoyed the mod, immensely, it stuck with me to the point that i had to come here and discuss it for what seems to be close to 2000 words. This project is something truly special, not only in terms of a fan game, but as a piece of media in general. It managed to make me feel that sense of magic I felt two years ago when i first played Undertale. And i can’t think of a higher praise than saying that.

The sprite work was amazing. The battles were fun and just the right amount of challenging… except Axis… fuck Axis. The music was a genuine banger to the point where i even liked some of the songs better than some of Toby’s work (i’m looking at you, the person who composed A Mother��s Love, that Hopes and Dreams drop ruined me emotionally for the rest of the run and i hold you and the writing team responsible for that).

And the story, gosh the story was just a real treat.

The mod in general is a bit slow to start, i’ll be honest, i did enjoy the tease at the beginning with Toriel and i think it was genius to cut us off from her entirely at that point. To me, a Undertale mod doing the ruins is like a Batman movie watching Bruce’s parents get gunned down. So, getting something refreshing here was a great foot forward. Actually, I think that the fact that this mod does not use the OG cast as a crutch is an all-around strong point that i really appreciate and helps set it aside as its own independent thing, different from Undertale. Even though I did find myself craving at least a cameo at times.

On my first day of playing, i witnessed everything that the ruins and Snowdin had to offer. i enjoyed Dalv and Martlet immensely. As I went into the start of the Wild East, I was having a lot of fun. Yet, something felt off, something wasn’t quite sparking the magic i felt with Undertale. So, I left off my first session in the Oasis, having beaten the third boss. All in all, an enjoyable time but not quite clicking.

i couldn’t describe why the game felt off up to this point. Until i watched a friend stream xeyre own first run of the game.

Xey said something during it which made me realize what the issue with these first three areas was. They felt safe, they felt fangamey. These were fun experiences with great atmosphere and enemies but Dlav and Martlet (up to that point) were not characters who grabbed me and made me feel as invested in them as say Toriel, Sans, Papyrus, and Undyne (all characters we would’ve met at a similar point in OG Undertale). Sure, they were nice, and were immensely fun, but i didn’t feel that drive to get to know them better and care about their greater story. These were not the characters of ask blogs and video essays.

At this point, i went to bed, content to get back to it tomorrow but still very much feeling like “this is a fangame.”

Then i woke up…

And let me telling you about Starlo and the town on the edge of the Wild East.

This is where Undertale Yellow grabbed me, this is where the story became something special. This wonderful cast of six unique characters who left me wanting to consume every piece of dialog they had available. These six characters managed to crackle to life that little fanfiction voice in the back of my brain. It was these characters that planted the seed of this sprawling text i am currently writing.

Starlo, himself, is a wonderful character, very fun, very well written, just a treat to experience and spend time with. His missions were comedic gold to a degree where I was cackling in VC because of how good they were. And the fights, oh jeez, the two fights in that area are where the mod really showed off what it could do when it came to combining fun gameplay, great music, and just top tier sprite work that helped give these characters so much substance and life.

And it was also in this section where i started to get invested in the characters. This is where the fangame vibes withered away and gave birth to that same experience i had playing Undertale for that very first time.

It was hinted at with Starlo, a monster putting on a façade to hide from the cold reality of being a member of a broken species living in an equally broken land. His reasoning is so tragic, yet through the tragedy, he is just trying to distract people and bring them whatever joy he can manage. His methods are faulty but his goal is good.

And Ceroba is just amazing, as well, hinting at something darker in the narrative, weaving her story into OG Undertale by experiencing loss to the same experiments that would haunt Alphys. She is something familiar, a mother in pain like Toriel, but also someone who didn’t let that pain keep her in hiding. She uses that pain to try and help this world. And it plays on me so well, making me genuinely ache as my mind idly wonders which amalgamation in the lab was once this monster’s little girl. I wanted to know her story and experience it.

Then the game was all high points from here.

The adventure in the Steamworks where we see the remains of a shattered legacy and the pain that Ceroba goes through when she realizes that her husband was never respected in life. It resonates as we learn how much he just wanted to help Monsterkind and his legacy was just thrown away and left to rot. It made me hate Asgore.

And then comes the plot twist, the moment the shoe drop, as we approach Hotlands and Starlo confronts us. He knows Ceroba’s secret and is there to keep us safe. I had never been so invested in finding out what any of this meant, craving to know what could possibly bring these two into conflict with one another after being so close just two sections prior.

And that’s when we go to Ceroba’s home. That’s where we experience the empty abode that used to house a family. It’s where we learn how this tormented world of captivity that broke them, one by one, killing father, daughter, and yes, even the mother. It’s where we learn about Chujin, a figure of mythos, this mod’s Asgore in a way. A man who knew that escaping the Underground wasn’t the end goal unless Monsterkind could assert itself and prove that it had a right to exist upon the surface. This moment was so compelling, asking questions that fans have had for years and answering them in a way that felt downright satisfying.

And it put a fire in my breast going forward. i feel bad for the individuals who wrote dialog for optional areas after this reveal because i was a woman on a mission at this point. There was no endearing encounter, no fun moment that would distract me from finally finishing this with Ceroba.

And as we reach New Home and face the enemy, a mother who has lost everything, with our friends by our side, that’s when we play the best boss fight, I’ve had the privilege of enjoying in a very long time. It was the right amount of difficult with perfect music, amazing phases and forms, and a wonderful use of the yellow soul to its full capacity. It was long and slogged out, fought tooth and fucking nail, all while the music perfectly weaves together Ceroba’s struggle with the adventure we’ve been on and also a little nostalgia just to remind you what’s at stake. i have slept and i still remember her piano bits combined with those little western twangs, bringing together two childhood friends before dropping Hopes and Dreams just to show you how epic it is. It is… HOLY SHIT… it is something.

And with every phase we see a little more of what this monster lost. We watch her husband wither away, we see her risk her daughter and fail, and we see every last thing this obsession has cost her. And we know that this is a family broken by a collective scar left upon a whole species. We know that humanity is at fault, subjecting a whole race to torment for something that’s generations old. This family is just one of many who our species has wronged, just one trauma on a whole ledger.

And as we finally dispatch her and feel victorious, the reality of the situation slowly settles in.

This is a prologue… we know how this ends.

Asgore has five souls right now. Yet, by the events of Undertale, he has six.

i knew on a logical level that this would happen but the mod still managed to destroy me with the reality. As our friends try and figure out a way to keep us safe, we, the Spirit of Justice, a child with a pure heart, know that we can’t let this slide. We saw what humanities punishment has done to this species and we know that we can help them.

So, Clover sacrifices their Soul. And its at this moment that i started bawling like a child, watching their friends bargain with them, then plead, then seeing them slowly come to terms with it. And the game slowly ends from there, watching our hero make this sacrifice and then send away their friends so they don’t have to see them die. It’s just us, alone, knowing that we did the right thing and it cost us everything. It’s beautiful and tragic, the perfect ending that still chokes me up thinking about it.

And it pays off as the credits role and we get an epilogue that shows all the monsters we’ve touched and made their lives better.

It was special.

This was the special that i felt after Undertale.

And like Undertale, i will never touch it again (unless i speedrun it). The story was completed and the sacrifice was beautiful. It would be wrong of me to erase the deeds that i’ve done to better these lives. i don’t want to erase their happy ending just to tinker around and extract every ounce of life from this game.

So uh, yeah, sorry to the people who worked on geno-run. i’m sure you did a great job but i can’t bring myself to hurt these characters.

All-in-all, sitting there in a VC, bawling at 3:30 in the morning, i knew this was unique and I knew that i wanted to share my thoughts with the fandom and maybe even the developers if they get around to reading this.

Dear devs, if you read this, you created something out of this world, thank you.

Sincerely, thank you.

Would I recommend this mod?

Let me tell you what I said after the credits rolled.

“Fuck this mod.”

Err… text kind of loses the translation of those words being spoken through the warble of a tear-stricken voice that was fresh from sobbing for ten minutes straight.

So, uh…

Yeah, it was alright!

Hey, y'all should join my Discord! It's multifandom and queer as fuck (Please be 18+ though).

Visit my website to see where else you can find my work, follow my socials, or support me!

#Undertale #Undertale Yellow

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local-critter · 4 months

Note

Angst alphabet for Asra please.

Which latters? D! And anything else you'd like to do for Asra.

Aside from D for Death, I want them all as Asra, but also know that's way too many. So D.

I'm a little overachiever at times so I did the whole alphabet LMAO

Asra Alnazar Angst Alphabet

A - Austere (what makes them feel uncomfortable and unwanted?)

Being ignored or straight up ghosted; Asra doesn’t like being perceived too much but you’re his whole world, he wants to savor every moment with you to make up for lost time and he feels so shitty when you don’t return the sentiment

B - Bad Habits

Ironically, ghosting. They’ll forget to tell you about a trip until the last minute, or maybe forget to tell you altogether, leading to them just up and disappearing for sometimes days at a time. It’s common when they’re upset or really stressed

C - Crying (do they cry easily? What causes them to crack? How do they cry?)

Asra kinda hates acknowledging most emotions he perceives as negative, so it takes a lot for him to cry. If it’s just because maybe things have been building up for too long but not one specific thing that set him off, just silent tears running down his face. If it is one specific thing he can’t run from, like your death, he just breaks down; it’s messy, there are tears and snot everywhere, his shoulders are shaking violently from the force of his sobs, his breathing is fast and shallow and when he’s done he has a headache from hell and he feels completely hollowed out; he’ll be walking around in a numb daze for a few days afterward, because he just released all the emotions that have been building up for months, maybe years. The first type of cry is a little stream and the second is a raging river; there is no in-between

D - Death (how do they handle the topic? What would they do if their s/o died?)

They don’t handle death well; Asra, post (upright) route holds their loved ones as close to their heart as they can; the thought of any of their loved ones dying can send them straight into a downward spiral of anxiety and dread. Conformation of death sends them straight into either dissociation and denial or a week-long breakdown and then dissociation and denial for a little before they start looking into necromancy with a frantic look in their eyes and terrifying determination. If their significant other died though? Oh boy

They were bad enough the first time but the second, it kills them. Their grief would actually kill them if they lost you again; they would not survive knowing you’re gone and there’s nothing they can do about it because they know they can’t make another deal.

E - Emotion (an emotion they try to suppress)

Anger; he tries so hard to never get angry. He allows himself annoyance, irritation, but never ever anger. Asra is not an angry person in general, there are few times he’s been truly angry at someone, most often Lucio, so he’s come to associate his anger to the former count

F - fights (how do they argue? How quickly do they start an argument? Are they patient with their s/o’s feelings?)

Asra has seemingly endless patience; especially when it comes to you. They were your caretaker for at least a year, probably more, so they’re familiar with your moods and act accordingly. Typically, they let you yell for as long as you need to then when they see you’re done they’ll try and soothe you or give you space, depending on what you need. But when they actually fight back, shit gets real ugly real fast.

You know Asra better than most people in their life; you know Asra better than their parents, you’re second only to Muriel. But Asra knows you too, knows you better than you know yourself sometimes, which means that when you’re both aiming to hurt, it’s all too easy to hit where it hurts for the both of you

G - Guilt (do they feel guilty over something? How do they handle that feeling?)

He’s still guilty for leaving you behind when he left Vesuvia during the plague; he will carry the guilt of your death with him for the rest of his life

H - heartbroken (have they had their heart broken before? Does their S/O have the power to break them?)

Absolutely yes to both. The first time they were heartbroken was the ‘deaths’ of his parents, then when Muriel was in the coliseum, then when you died. And yes, you absolutely have the power to break them; again, you know them better than practically everyone because they’ve never allowed anyone else to truly know them. They’ve given you so much power over them and they’re aware of it, but they gave it to you in the first place because they trust you won’t hurt them.

I - Insecurities

I honestly don’t think Asra is very insecure to be honest; I think he has his moments, like anyone else, but those are few and far between. I think he’d be insecure of leaving you behind and what happened, and afraid you’d leave him for his need to travel. He left you behind and you died; he’s terrified you think he’d leave you to suffer a similar fate again.

J - Jaded (how easily do they become jaded? How do they attempt to get out of that?)

Asra has been jaded for almost their whole life; orphaned and growing up with Vesuvia’s forgotten doesn’t lead to having the happiest outlook on life. Especially since they’ve seen firsthand how cruel the world can be with the Coliseum fights and how Muriel has been treated his entire life

K - killed (what have they killed? Figuratively or literally)

I don’t think Asra has ever killed someone literally. Hurt people before? Absolutely, a gang was after them as a child, so they were forced to be well-versed in self-defense, but never took a life. They definitely killed their morals when you were dead though; they crossed several lines they never wanted to cross before nor again to bring you back

L - lies (what lies do they tell their s/o? Are they a good liar?)

Asra is the best liar you’ll ever meet, but he absolutely hates lying to you. The lies he’d tell you were during your recovery, whenever you’d ask about your past or your memories; he lied only to protect you. After you prove you can finally handle your memories and your past, Asra stops the lies; if there's ever something he doesn’t want to tell you he either tells you he doesn't want to talk about it or deflects and changes the subject

M - mono (do they ever feel alone?)

Not post upright route, not anymore; they know by then that they have a lot of people in their corner, a lot of people in their life; more than they ever thought they’d have. They’re only alone when they want to be because they know they have plenty of people they can seek out if they feel lonely; you’re at the top of that list, of course

N - nightmare (what’s their worst fear?)

Death of a loved one

O - Obstacles (what things have they overcome? How much does it still affect them?)

He’s overcome a lot in his life. The loss of his parents, growing up a homeless orphan, teaching himself and Muriel magic, Count Lucio, the plague, losing you, beating the Devil; Asra has always been a survivor through and through. Of course some of that affects him still; he has nightmares, he has trust issues, he has issues expressing some emotions, but he has people wish shared experiences there and it helps

P - panic (do they panic easily? What instincts do they have? (fight flight, freeze, or fawn))

Asra is typically calm and collected damn near all times, so no, they don't panic very easily but when they do, their first instinct is flight. They avoid conflict whenever possible

Q - quiet (secrets they have)

I don't think Asra would like keeping secrets from his partner, especially after knowing you for almost a decade. I think Asra has things he hasn't told you yet, most likely pertaining to his childhood as one of Vesuvia’s orphaned children, but most likely it's because he doesn't want to acknowledge just how rough his childhood actually was or maybe the right moment to bring it up just hasn't happened

R - rejection (how do they handle rejection of any sort? Have they had a big moment of rejection?)

Asra handles rejection pretty well; they travel a lot so they meet plenty of new people but that also means that if they get rejected they can just leave lmao. If the rejection happens in Vesuvia, they’ll be a good sport about it and won’t make anything awkward, they know they’re not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea and they’re cool with it. They appreciate the honesty too

S - separation (how would they react to a S/O breaking up with them? What would it take for them to break up with their s/o?

If you broke up with him, Asra would be absolutely crushed; he'd respect your decision, maybe try to ask if he'd done something to warrant the breakup, but if you tell him it's because you fell out of love or something he'd never recover; you would deadass never hear from Asra again. He loves you so much still that he can't be part of your life anymore, he can't just be a friend or someone you see every once in a while, it would destroy him; he'd leave Vesuvia all together and probably take Muriel.

I can't really see Asra breaking up with you; he loves you so much, it would take a lot to get him to consider ending it, but I can't think of anything specific

T - trust (how do they break their s/o’s trust? How easily is their trust earned/broken? How would they react to being betrayed?)

Asra's trust takes a long time to earn, so I think it's pretty hard to break. But once it's broken, Asra would never be able to trust you fully again. After the first time there's always going to be lingering doubt about you, I think. They may not even be entirely conscious of their wariness, but it's there all the same.

If you betrayed them, it would destroy them; just crush them completely. It depends on the betrayal itself, of course, but Asra would definitely run. Depending on what you did, they might come back, but it's entirely possible they won't.

Asra would treat your trust like it's fucking frost; the most delicate thing ever. They'd never ever willingly break it, not if they could help it; you mean too much to them for them to ever willingly hurt you

U - urges (what’s something they want but cannot have? Or something they lost and can’t get back)

Asra will always miss the person you used to be; the version of you he left behind. He loves the version of you he has now, he loves you more than he will ever be able to say, but some small part of him will always miss who you used to be, and some part of him will always grieve the love you had/could have had back then

V - volatile (how quickly do they anger? What do they act like when they’re angry?)

Asra doesn’t often get angry; it takes a lot to push them to that point, typically. If you want to them angry fast, bring them to Lucio; he’s practically the only one who can piss them off by merely being near them. Otherwise, it’s incredibly difficult, especially if it’s you that’s angering them. You, Murial, Nadia, and maybe Salim and Aisha are the ones they find it the hardest to get mad at; they love you too much.

But because it takes so much to anger them, when they finally let it out it’s very…explosive, but it’s their magic mainly that’s lashing out. Asra will shout a little, pace around aggressively, but will never really do more than that, and especially won’t get close to you when they’re mad.

W - weak (what makes them feel weak?)

Lucio, typically. He lied to him about his parents so easily, he blackmailed both Asra and Muriel without batting an eye, he killed thousands, you included, without even trying. And Asra couldn’t really do anything about it because, powerful magician he may be, he had no political power while Lucio was the Count. Lucio has hurt almost all of the people Asra cares about and he feels like he wasn’t able to do anything about it

X - X-ray (how readable are their emotions? How good are they at reading their s/o?)

Asra reads you like you’re a picture book tbh because to them, you might as well be. They knew you for several years before you lost your memories, you had to relearn practically everything and Asra was there for every single mood, they saw your new tells and expressions develop, so they know you practically better than you know yourself, meanwhile Asra themself is very difficult to read unless they’ve actively trying to display their emotions. They learned a lot on the streets and few of those lessons were kind.

Y - youth (what kind of childhood did they have? At home and at school)

At home, before the ‘deaths’ of his parents, Asra had a happy life; two loving parents and a home. Afterwards, he had no one and almost nothing, until he met Muriel. Safe to say the majority of his childhood and teenage years were really rough

Z - zero (what would they do if they lost everything)

I truly do not think Asra would survive that; losing everything, they could probably come back from, but losing their loved ones, all of them, would actually kill them.

#the arcana hc #the arcana headcanons #please send requests #the arcana game #asra alnazar #new writer #no use of y/n #angst alphabet #asra the arcana #asra alnazar the arcana #the arcana #asra the magician

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justali-anne · 2 months

Text

What I think the Undertale characters could really use: Part 1

Frisk: A councillor. This poor child has been through so much, from monsters trying to murder them (and sometimes succeeding), to potentially abandonment, being essentially kidnapped and taken hostage, being stalked by several characters, having to choose between their life and the salvation of a whole society... Yeah, I imagine Frisk might be a little messed up. They're a fighter (not literally... mostly), though, and really resilient, so I think a counsellor would help them get around their trauma.

Flowey: Compassion. As twisted as he is, Flowey has also been through a lot. He probably hasn't been around compassion in a long time, whether it's because he can't feel it anymore up to rejecting the notion of compassion altogether after what he went through as Asriel. However, as shown in the Pacifist Route, he's pretty easily swayed by someone with genuine compassion for him - he's fond of Papyrus, who's practically compassion incarnate, and as Asriel, he gets redeemed by Frisk's care and compassion as well. He needs someone to care for him, and not just pity him.

Toriel: A purpose. Poor old lady isolated herself for who knows how long, waiting for humans to fall down so she can futilely try to protect them, only to end up failing time and time again. Years of doing that would definitely diminish one's sense of purpose - it would have a profound impact on Toriel's self-esteem, self-worth and mental health in general. If she's not about kids, then who is she? Sans' knock knock jokes definitely helped her a bit, but I think what she truly needs is a reason to move onwards, to look forward to life again. A different purpose that extends beyond motherhood. The school she created on the surface is perfect for her because she not only gets to work with kids, it's also her dream job, and she gets to work with a lot of adults too! Taking care of a school is more than just looking after children, even if that is one of the primary goals. It's perfect for her.

Sans: Safety. Poor guy... Between the reports of timelines stopping and starting to the prospect of everything suddenly ending, him knowing you're resetting the timeline, the fact that you could kill anyone if you wanted to, especially his sweet, precious brother, and judging by the bits of pieces we got of his backstory, losing an ENTIRE FREAKING DIMENSION, he probably hasn't felt safe in such a long time. Seriously, though, if you were in Sans' position, you'd be scared out of your wits! Sans desperately needs stability, and he's grasping at that with his constantly going to Grillby's, making jokes with Toriel, working 5-6 jobs... his daily routine. He's quite a paradox, isn't he? He comes across as calm, lazy, relaxed... but at the same time, I get the sense that he might be trying to keep himself busy? Ironically, what the slacker really needs is a chance to relax. Genuinely relax. He needs a safe, stable environment, so he can heal, and love, and live again. Luckily, we have the power to give this to him. If we just don't reset after the Pacifist Route...

I'll add part 2 later.

#undertale #sans #frisk #flowey #toriel #my thoughts #my ideas #character analysis #undertale analysis

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lazyneonrabbitt · 1 year

Text

Rabbitt's monsterous October fics.

Blood oranges

Tangerine x reader

A photography contest prize is convincing enough to trespass on grounds that no one had ever returned from.

A/N: The first of my monster themed fics! I'll be posting one every week leading up to Halloween!

🎃🩸🍊🩸🎃

Autumn weather had shown its face again.

Yeah sure the rain sucks, but there's a beatury in the grey skies and orange trees.

There’s also a beauty in the way that grey atmosphere surrounded the large, abandoned mansion on the edge of town. It was every goth couple’s wedding venue, but it was completely off-limits. No one really knew why, all that was commonly known about the building is that whenever some college student was dared to cross the game and take a photo at the front door they never came back. No one really questioned it anymore and no one truly felt bad for any of the missing students. They were all warned from the first time they heard the scary children's tale about vampires that lived there, that held nothing but decorated truths about real, unsolved murders that still make it into the papers during every year’s first semester..

clearly the place isn’t abandoned, otherwise the fruit trees would have died off ages ago already but still, like clockwork there’s perfectly tended fruit trees on the land that separates the house and the large iron fence around it.

You knew this place was bad news. Literally.

So why the hell were you standing in front of the gate right now, ready to walk through it and risk your life? Oh, yeah. You wanted to win that crazy prize money that you would surely get if you got that perfectly timed and framed picture of the all black house under the cloudy grey evening sky, with the colorful fruit trees contrasting beautifully against the overall lack of color. The only issue was you needing to be on the property to not have the large iron and stone fence obstructing the view. You had asked people living nearby to let you take some pictures from their highest windows but none of them turned out even moderately okay.

With a deep, shaky breath you put your hand on the gate and gave it a push. From all the tales you picked up you learned there was never a lock on it and it was surprisingly easy to get onto the property which was super weird with how many people died there. You’d think cops would have put a huge lock on it by now but that didn’t seem the case.

You had found it to be very quiet during your stroll around the property, taking photos of the colorful trees and the details on the brick and iron fences. You had thought out the perfect angle for your photo and slowly made your way over to the low brick wall you'd have to hop onto to get it all in your shot.

Once on the wall you snapped an infinite amount of photos, different lenses and settings, slight shift in angles for more trees or better view of the sky, but you weren't satisfied yet. You wanted more detail shots of the house and its beautiful finishes. You made your route from the stained glass windows to the hand carved door, snapping photos with every step. At the door you noticed it was slightly ajar and spotting the most gorgeousstairway and tapestries through the thin gap luring you in. Looking through the camera lens you focused on the intricately carved wooden rails that twisted around the large set of stairs, adorned with perfectly maintained carpet, held up to the wood with polished brass rods.

You swore both of your memory cards would be filled by the time you were done with this place.

Making your way through the entrance hall you kneeled in front of a decorative side table to take some detail shots of the carved details on the leg.

You dropped you ass down on the carpet and laid the camera angeled in your lap to get the best shot. When you moved around to get up, placing your hand next to you for support your fingers grazed something and made you tumble backwards.

Looking up from your spot on the floor you were stared down by someone. "Why're you here?" A stern voice and expensive looking suit, a shiny, polished shoe pressed onto your chest to keep you down. You were dead. Officially. This is what all those horror stories were about. You tresspassed and were now going to die. Murdered by this insanely gorgeous looking man with only a large hint of psychopath in his eyes.

"Please let me leave- Y.. I'll leave the camera. No proof.. Please don't kill me?" Your pleas came out in hiccuped whines, panic clear all over your rigid body. He kneeled down, the pressure on your chest getting painful now. "Really now? You dun wanna get offed by the gorgeous man with the psychopath eyes?" His moustache twitched as his lips curled into a smirk, fangs on display for you to stare at in horror. He takes his foot off your chest and hauls you back up with no effort, holding you an inch away from him by the collar of your jacket. "You weren't stealing." He gives you a quick once-over. "Come."

You followed without a second thought. Your legs moving on their own.

He takes you up the large, winding stairs and through a set of double doors off to the side.

The room held a large bed, a set of two leather chairs and a sofa sat around a dark wooden coffee table that held two filled pitchers.

You inspected the liquids they held. One was clearly fruit juice, no doubt fresh from the trees outside. The onter one.. you saw it. Your could smell it, even over the strong fruity scent of the orher. You weren't even gonna think about this one's origin because it was clearly fresh as well..

The man soundlessly strides over to stand across from you on the other side of the table, placing two beautifully carved glasses down and pouring a glass of juice for you. “Drink,” he tells you. “Makes you taste so much sweeter.” It’s not even a suggestion. He tells you to drink and you drink. It’s unlike anything you ever tasted, fresh and sweet and you really wanted another glass. As if reading your mind the man was already pouring another glass.

“You’re lovin’ that a little too much huh, sweetheart.” He takes a seat next to you, taking the second empty glass from your hands. Your pouty face only made him more excited about finding you. It took next to nothing to keep you here. He barely even had to use his powers to make you follow him as you were intrigued already anyways. Even now with you sitting next to him. You could leave any second as he wasn’t keeping you under his control, but you didn’t.

Normally he’d feed his visitors some of his home grown fruits, drain their blood and leave the drained corpse for his brother to feast on, but this time he felt like that would be a waste. You genuinely seemed to enjoy being here, and what would be better than having a personal food supply walking around who seemed to love anything fruity?

“So tell me, what’s your name, love?”

You gave him your name and in exchange you were given his. “I’m tangerine. There’s someone else in here, his name is Lemon. You probably won’t see him anyways.” By the end of his sentence he had leaned in close, nuzzling your cheek and a hand on your chin. He turned you head to the side and moved lower, leaving a trail of kisses before finding your pulse point and sinking his fangs into your skin. You gasped as you felt he sharp sting, hand gripping the armrest and the other holding a tight grip on hi thigh that loosened with time. Soft sighs leaving you with every small suck to your neck.

By the time he had his fill you had relaxed into his side, your hand softly caressing his thigh as he licked over the puncture wounds at your throat. You snuggled against him some more, much to his surprise. “How are you feeling, dear?” You nodded against his chest. “M’good, thanks.” Slurring words indicated you needed a rest.

Picking you up and placing you onto his large, soft bed he sat beside you until you were sound asleep.

He’d have to go make some accommodations for a human in his home.

#sometimes i write #tangerine bullet train #bullet train #tangerine #halloween #tangerine x reader #tangerine imagine

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alliechip · 11 months

Text

I WAS GONNA WAIT UNTIL AFTER WORK TODAY TO POST MY CHIPPED OFF ANALYSIS BUT i changed my mind…i kind of figured out how i want to word it

(apologies if there’s any typos 🙏)

first off all, i just wanted to say chipped off was SO good. I hyped it up so much i was so scared i would be disappointed but the team did not fail. definitely one of my favorite big city greens episodes ever (and not just because chip is there but its a big part :])

what i find so interesting in this episode is the main point itself: chip’s idea of becoming “normal.” it’s an interesting route to take, not just because he’s a villain but because of his character itself.

we learn chip’s ideal “normal” life consists of a regular, working-class joe, which is quite ironic considering what we’ve known of him thus far. It seems quite odd that the nepotism baby, never-worked-a-day-in-his-life, spoiled son of a business owner would want to live a regular working class life…but of course we learn that this life is not his own, merely an attempt to once again assimilate to a society that has ostricized him.

everything we see of chip’s daily life conflicts with the core values he’s held at heart. in the case of the coffee worker, he becomes increasingly suspicious the man is mocking him…chip’s entire image as a businessman relies on people liking him, and one of his main gripes with the residents of big city is feeling they betrayed him by turning against him. chip still yearns to be liked, loved even.

his office job is tedious, monotonous, and hes constantly being bombarded with extra work…to be completely transparent, we’ve only seen chip openly criticize physical labor (farmwork), but one could assume he finds any strenuous activity to be incredibly inconvenient…he lived a comfy, pampered life.

even his girlfriend who, going back to the point of chip wanting to be loved, he finds seems to like him at a service-level, not being genuine enough to tell him when a joke isn’t that funny or talk about his true feelings (although, the point of the “norm” persona is to blend in, so it makes sense he would be embarrassed over having a chip-esc freakout. also, of course, if your boyfriend randomly started rambling about attacking a kid, you would probably be freaked out too). he notes that everyone loves norm…but they don’t really. they love that norm is the ideal, the perfect average man…he feels lonely despite being so respected.

kind of office topic but my personal favorite detail (credits due to my sister for pointing it out to me) is how when he tinkers in the basement building furniture, we see he now knows how to use a hammer…sort of. he’s holding it the correct way this time, at least, something chip would never know how to do.

essentially, chip’s idea of normality is very–as his relationships with others in his “norm” persona are–surface level. he conforms because he believes it will bring him happiness, that not being someone who is dubbed a “social pariah,” who an entire city celebrated the supposed death of, who nobody cared about…even being a blank slate is better than that, or so he thought. but chip cannot reject himself, his egotistical vengeful self. by rejecting himself, he’s rejecting all that he is, and he finds he cannot truly be happy by attempting to assimilate.

thus, he lives a double life…wearing a mask on the open surface, and roaming freely in the darkened sewers…for no one can see his true nature within its darkness, but it still exists.

#chipped off #chip whistler #big city greens #allie rambles

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unma · 4 months

Note

Thoughts of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley?

idk why it took me so long to answer this, but I remembered that this was sitting in my inbox just now so I might as well. I'm going to assume you came here because you wanted to hear my actual thoughts on the game in good faith and not so you could find someone new to harass.

I like the game and really want to see what happens next. I love how dysfunctional both characters are, and it's fun to see awful people be put in awful situations and do awful things to survive. Especially when they're surrounded by equally awful people (and demons too I guess).

The hate over the game was stupid and was basically just people going "I can accept cannibalism, murder and demon summoning, but I draw the line at incest," which is frankly hilarious and one more reason I simply don't touch twitter anymore. Incidentally, you could probably dig through my posts and find an old one of mine where I opined that the game wasn't going down the incest route after chapter 1... That aged like milk, lol.

All in all, I wish the dev well. Nemlei didn't deserve being harassed off the internet, and I wish I could play the rest of their games. I actually had their itch.io page open at the time, so it was a shame to suddenly see it go blank. Oh well, that's on me for procrastinating so much.

I'd ramble on more about how I love the game's deep exploration of themes, and- actually, scrap that. I'm coming back in 5 minutes and I'll write my thoughts over both of the characters under the cut.

Ashley is pure evil. Is what I would say if I was someone who believed any person could be distilled down to those two words. No, she is very clearly a product of her downright terrible upbringing, and her downright obsessive love for Andrew is shown time and time again to be a product of her emotionally isolated childhood in which Andrew was the only one who ever gave her love. He was the only person who actually treated her like a person. Anyone with that kind of childhood is bound to end up at least a little maladjusted, so Ashley as a person is not unrealistic in the slightest. Her sabotage of Andrew is also rather clearly a method to ensure he will never leave her, even if he reassures her time and time again that he would never do so. Ironically, as her visions show, it may be her own obsessive actions that cause him to finally abandon her, which is just the most delicious flavour of ironic tragedy indeed.

Andrew is a coward. Through and through. I feel for him constantly, but he truly, truly, needs to learn to say no to Ashley. Or, well, he should've learnt to do that before she forced him into their current position. And yet, he's not malicious or actively evil. He's passively evil, in fact, though using the word 'evil' feels like hyperbole. He's consistently trying to never make a choice, and hoping he can simply pass on all responsibility to Ashley. And while I get where he's coming from, given everything they do and go through, he doesn't realize that not making a choice is still a choice, and he still did commit many of those deeds even if at Ashley's behest. At first, I wanted to pretend like he was completely innocent in the games, but it really doesn't take a genius to realize he's completely wrong about how responsibility works.

I'd say more, but it's been a while since I've watched Manly's playthrough of the games. My memory is rather fuzzy now. But feel free to ask more questions if you'd like.

#the void asks back #the coffin of andy and leyley #also some of my most popular posts have been about the game lol #so it should be obvious I love it #tcoaal #long post

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v3nusxsky · 1 year

Note

As requested I moved it over here, from the piece with Emilybactually dying. This could be a part two or a stand alone piece. Fully up to you.

Using the idea of Emily going into hiding in season 5-6, and how that would effect her wife in this case. Then with Emily returning either sooner and dealling with the aftermath of a suicide or an attempted one. With JJ likley having to reveal the news to Emily. Hopfully we go down the attempted route (so it can be angst with a happy end) , it could involve Y/n joining Emily in Paris. That could be interesting to play out.

Can't live without you

*Authors note~ a part two for my people who wish to feel the angst and more of me writing while in the car*

Trigger Warnings~ angsty mentions of "death"suicide

Prompt~ see ask^^^^^

The muffled voices and irritating beeping was agitating you. If this was heaven then you'd rather deal with the devil, perhaps it would be less annoying there. You want to find your Emily but the with everything being black it was hard to do so. Yet you felt a pull, preventing you from surrendering to the darkness, dragging you back to the land of the living. That's where your bleary eyes caught sight of white walls and blonde hair, the voice of your best friend, JJ pleading with you to come back now.

You gave her hand a little squeeze to indicate your unsuccessful attempt. "Water?" You managed to croak out gaining the blonde's attention. After she gave you some water so you didn't feel quite so horrid now. "Why" JJ whimpered and you knew exactly what she was referring too. "Jay I can't live without her" you sobbed finally breaking down in the hospital bed as the fact you'd have to live on without your Emily sunk in.

That was four months ago, you hadn't progressed much since then, your depression only dragging you in deeper to its lonely pits of misery. That's why Hotch sent JJ on a case overseas, her work as communications liaison made her the only suitable agent for the case. Paris was her destination but she knew why she was here and truthfully it scared her more than any case could. It was too soon for one, bringing Emily back created an air of danger but also keeping you apart wasn't something that could continue any longer.

They met in a cafe, ironically the cafe that was where the blonde handed over the fake id for her. But now you were the topic of conversation. Emily wanted to know everything about everybody, she missed her family so much. A few peoples stories broke her heart, like morgans and Reid and of course she knew Garcia would have Serigo. But yours? Well she felt worse than when she coded in the ambulance. You'd actually tried to take your life by her grave. The story similar to Romeo and Juliet.

JJ knew there was no keeping Emily in Paris after delivering that news but what she wasn't expecting was for her to be scared. Truth was, she'd changed so much with her near death experience and what if you felt differently about her now. What if the team resented her for almost dying? Could Derek ever forgive her? But little did Emily know JJ was feeling similar. She didn't want to deal with the team hating her for keeping such a secret. It wasn't as if she had a choice and you were so broken by this that she was sure you'd never forgive her now.

The plane ride was silent, both women in thought when Hotch phoned. The plan changed, Doyle made an escape and therefore it was deemed no longer safe for Emily or you. Yes Doyle wanted you too. After all you managed to settle down with Emily where he failed. So the team needed to be smart about this. Another death would be too suspicious so the only sensible option was for you and Emily to flee the country again. But first the team would be told this time so it wouldn't be so bad in the fallout.

Being called to the round table meant one thing. A case. And truly you didn't have the energy for another right now. You wanted to go home to your bed where Emily's jumper lay and wallow. It was the only time you felt close to her since her tragic death. Her clothes, even though they no longer smell like her, but they were all you had left and there was no way you'd even be here after your multiple attempts to end your life without them. Every time one of the team caught you they would hand over one of her shirts or hoodies and hold you while you cried in ver how unfair this is.

"As you all know, Doyle is after y/n. We decided on a protective measure for you however I made a decision four months ago that effected all of you. It was necessary and I take the full responsibility" Hotch stated in his usual way of giving absolutely nothing away. Nothing made since until you heard "hi sweetheart" in a voice that could only be hers. No amount of artificial intelligence could clone her. "Em?" You gasped shell shocked to see your love by the blonde, frozen stiff as if it was a dream you'd awaken from any second now. You'd had them before, ones where you saw her and heard her but couldn't touch her anymore.

When it hit you it hit hard, you ran up to Hotch and started to weakly hit against his chest, "you lied! You fucking lied!" You sobbed out before weakly collapsing against the floor crying uncontrollably. You missed her so much, grieving her death only for it to be fake. That much was proved when the raven head had hugged and apologised to everyone and finally made her way to you, scooping you off the ground and holding you in the way she would when you had a panic attack. "Shh sweetheart I know. I know, I missed you so much Angel. But I really need you to listen to the plan okay?" She murmured to you kissing your head as her body rocked soothingly back and forth.

"No! No you can't leave me! No not again. No!" You volume raising the more that sunk in, "I just got you back" you whimpered causing JJ to come closer in an attempt to comfort you. "Get the fuck away from me!" You almost growled, "I can't stand you right now" you spat at the blonde and Hotch before snuggling into your undead lover. Hotch explained the plan and reasons why and again apologised for having to lie but it was for Emily's safety. This time you would leave with Emily, for your safety and hers. When the team caught Doyle you could return home to your family. But for now you and Emily were shipped off to Paris once more with false identities to heal and grow from this. If it's possible for you two to repair the hurt you both sustained.

Word count~ 1205

#anon answered #v3nusxsky answers #fanfic #anon requested #emily prentiss x you #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x fem!reader #emily prentiss fanfiction #ssa emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x y/n

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father-in-lawliet · 5 months

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L (No, I'm not Kira, why do you ask?), what is your real name? 🤗

oouh. i've been waiting for this question. thank you for the ask, "stranger."

anyhow. there's a long explanation to it, and since this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, i think i'd like to take the long route to truly illustrate the importance of my name, for it is very special to me.

you might be surprised to know that my name has been passed down through centuries and centuries of generations. watari had informed me of it's high significance when i was a child. many people in my family line were gifted it as a sign of power, dominance, and overall strength. that might seem ironic considering the first letter is an L, but i assure you there is much more meaning as you begin to learn the context of its origins.

if i recall correctly, the first individual to have my name was a respected warrior. a warrior who grew sick and tired of the crime-ridden world he was forced to live in. it was tragic for him, seeing the community which he loved so dearly fall down a path of chaos and disorder. he was determined to bring righteousness back to his village, so he began searching.

as he searched, he came across and old legend of two orbs. these orbs were prophesied to grant balance and order to the user's life. all the user had to do was simply bring the orbs back to the place they wished to restore this lost order and cut them both into halves. this way, the orbs could plant their seeds of light into the area and keep justice firm in its environment.

when the warrior received this knowledge, he knew it was fate. it was his destiny to find these orbs, to bring his village back to the beloved nature that it had lost. and so he searched. he began a long vigorous journey, climbing mountains and fighting monsters of the night. it was treacherous, exhausting, and it had brought him to dark unknowns that he would never be able to forget; however, his journey was worth it. for inside the highest mountaintop of the land laid the golden orbs he was looking for.

he immediately took them and ran back to his village. he ran all the way to the center of the area, carefully laying the orbs down as he took cut his sword through the middle of each.

the orbs cracked apart, their seeds conjoining into a singular magnificent ball of light.

the warrior watched as it sank into the ground, illuminating his dark city into a land of hope. the frowns of his befallen friends had begun to turn into smiles. finally, his land had returned to its beautiful origins. the warrior was overjoyed. so overjoyed that he even began to kiss the cracked halves of these spherical wonders.

now, what was this warrior's name you ask? the name that's been passed throughout centuries? the one i carry onto this day?

...

Ligma Balls.

#death note #fictive #l lawliet #you really thought huh.#tsk tsk..

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crowtrobotx · 5 months

Note

Also i noticed that Wintersberg lovers create similar posts. "Heisenberg has eyes only for Ethan! Why the hell do you think he would fuck you?" Oh boy…There are so much aggression, disgust and negativity in one post towards the people who just don't share their "Heisenberg loves Ethan" headcanon! That's just unbelievable. If, for example, i posted something like "General Wintersberg headcanons: Heisenberg leaves Ethan for a woman" those unhinged folks' asses would get exploded in a second. I am sure they wouldn't like that. (And then i would just go "Hey come on, guys! Why are you getting offended? I'm just making fun of something you like! It's just a joke! It's not that serious!) But i think none of us should do that. None of us should copy their moronic deed! Instead let's just leave them alone and keep enjoying ourselves because we have every right to.

(Sorry I completely left this in drafts and forgot about it bc I have the object permanence of a baby)

I totally agree on both points! As I’ve mentioned before, if I posted my less than positive takes on that ship - which, ironically, almost all stem from my interactions with the actual fucking people who are over the top feral about it and have less to do with its actual content - in the main tags I would get swarmed by people rightfully upset that I’d deliberately tried to ruin their fun. But for some reason it’s “just harmless complaining/a joke” when the opposite happens. How pathetic.

I truly don’t get how these people can post (sometimes repeatedly) about how women are wrong and stupid for having hobbies and then respond when called out like “🙄 saying someone is gay isn’t an attack on women, wow, you must be a crazy person who needs to log off.” My brother in Christ, you are the one posting about how angry it makes you that the girls are touching “your” toys. Trying to pull the Uno reverse card like “actually I’m not a misogynist, you’re homophobic and delusional for being hurt that I said something nasty directed at you” is not the flex you think it is and YOU might indeed be the one who needs to log off if you’re instigating this shit.

Anyway. Yeah, as tough as it is for my Scorpio ass to not launch myself at these people for being dipshits, I am taking the route of “I’m just going to have to get more annoying in the tags and give him more girlfriends out of spite” lmao.

#asks #margaretoakgrove #once again I need to clarify that me not liking a ship is not ‘anti’ behavior or whatever bonkers thing you want to call it.#have fun. just don’t expect me to participate! simple as.

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brokebackmonastery · 7 months

Text

self insert intro finally WOOHOO!!

did not have any great art of him. oh well. in any case this is luna-myr eisner (transmasc + any pronouns! you'll usually see me using he/they but anything is alright)! and while he is to a degree a self insert he's also very much like. an OC. because i like to write and that's just how i do self shipping i suppose. anyways further details below :3

(proship/comship DNI)

self insert but also what you would call a bylethsona i suppose. definitely not exactly like canon byleth as you will see. comes paired with custom route i have deemed seafoam star

was sort of half-conscious growing up until sothis awoke. capable of feeling emotion, but cannot truly express them and experiences everything through somewhat of a haze

only people he really had growing up were jeralt (who is his dad ofc) and whatever animals hung out wherever they were staying. was generally not around people his age and even when they were nobody wanted to engage with him because of his "odd" behavior. even adults were put off by him

autistic. who would i be if i did not make my SI autistic

quite merciful for a mercenary. capable of being brutal, but it is reserved for the truly deplorable; for example, often lets thieves trying to steal from well-off folk to keep themselves or their loved ones alive go in secret. does not see these acts of survival as worthy of punishment. wishes he could help them more. however, people are generally not aware of this and are more likely to have heard about the aforementioned brutality.

though they didn't have much choice in taking the monastery job, he was generally okay with it, if not confused. It was their first time in a setting surrounded by so many people his age consistently. understood why seteth did not trust him.

time powers work more in-depth than with canon byleth. can of course use divine pulse, but this also comes with an unusually acute perception of time and the occasional ability to have visions of the past and possible futures. since his body is still technically mortal, these visions often make him feel faint if not entirely pass out. These visions can be shared via touch.

genuinely does not understand what the hell is going on, particularly early game. people seem to think he does or that he's hiding something — he is not. they are just learning to express the confusion they feel.

drawn to claude right away. erm...?

more visibly nabatean than canon byleth after fusing with sothis. pointed ears and reptilian pupils come alongside the green hair. possibly has a few scales here and there on his body as well. claws (and i'm talking CLAWS not just long nails) and fangs. dragon form that he is entirely unaware of until much later. the sort of "transformation" into being more visibly nabatean was like. Painful and lasted roughly a week

teaches all three classes and has a significant connection with them all, but is the homeroom teacher of/is the closest with the golden deer (think like... the teachers rotate who they teach basically. but each have a homeroom they are tied to/spend more time with)

did not even have a chance to choose a side between edelgard and rhea. would not have killed edelgard at rhea's request regardless and approaches her about it before the imperial attack on the monastery to ask if there is any other way. rhea was upset by the idea that he did not side with her unconditionally. they did not want to kill either of them

loves rhea, but does not trust her. Very confused by her actions and only wants the truth from her. Sees her as somewhat of a motherly figure, ironically.

likes drawing, creating jewelry (usually out of bone), sewing, and carving (usually sets of dice). like sitri, loves flowers and will be delighted to see unusual ones. his favorites are any kind of lily. has an affinity for stuffed animals as well

big fan of moths especially luna moths if that was not apparent. goes to see them out in the wild yearly in the short span of time that they are active

also bonus dragon form where he's a weird horsemothlizard as well as a better demonstrarion of the fact that they have straight up Claws. that's all i've got for now. cheers

#self shipping #self ship #self ship community #oc x canon #fe3h oc #self insert #self insert oc #hi. i wish i had a better ref for him but WHATEVER !!!!!! i did not feel like doing a new one so i just modified the old one erm #the portrait is the best thing i have tbh #i will do a better ref eventually i just cannot draw rn. heart #thought it would be beneficial to like... properly introduce him before anything else #because i feel like nothing i say will make sense otherwise

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yes-i-am-a-tree · 1 year

Text

"I thought I was gonna die. " (Platonic!Kenny Ackerman x reader)

Summary: You were to play a part in a plan Kenny and Levi created to break you out of captivity and get away safely. The ironic thing is, you had no idea such a plan existed, so you take your own route, throwing both Kenny and Levi for a loop. Regardless, you prove to them that you can fend for yourself. You also prove that you're a terrible horse rider.

Genre: Angst but gets wholesome at the end. Happy ending.

Also, Platonic Levi x reader but to a minimal amount.

Warnings: bodily injuries, mentions of execution and murder, Kenny being a disappointed father :')

Somewhat proofread 😅 more notes at the bottom 👍

Set in a Western AU!

High noon. Exactly 12 clock was the time your execution was scheduled.

You were framed. Though they had only gotten one thing right out of their accusations against you.

You were Kenny's apprentice. You were 100% along with him every step of the way. Listening to his every order, and obeying his every command. You owed it to him. You can't even count on both hands how many times he's saved your life.

But they were wrong with everything else. The MP claimed you tried to assassinate the king. The Lord of all three walls. It's a wonder everyone believed them because you weren't big or powerful like Levi or Kenny. But they accused you anyway because they knew you were directly associated with Kenny the Ripper.

But apparently, that was in the past because they welcomed him with open arms and left you in the dust.

So you sat and waited. You tried desperately not to think about your doom but it was always on your mind. It ate away at you during the night and it loomed over during the day.

And soon. It was the morning of the last day you'll ever see the sun again. The last day you'll enjoy (not that there was much too in this cramped musty cell)

You tried to savor your last hour before one of the palace guards knocked on the heavy metal bars of your enclosure. It was time to go.

Once you were forced into the palace square it was almost like an open cathedral.

There were crowds among crowds of people. All watching with their beady greedy eyes.

Surprisingly to you though, and you were handcuffed to a pole, no executioner stood nearby. In fact, you found it weird you were chained to a pole in the first place.

You sat in the brutal sun before the crowd grew silent. The king had arrived to watch.

You looked up at him and scowled. He of all people shod know you were not guilty. It was those fucking snobbish Military Police.

Then, a familiar clop of footsteps sounded behind you. 'Of course, he's here, he's basically the head of the MPs at this point.

He then walked his brown leather boots directly in front of your line of sight. You frowned. 2 weeks ago, you would've been overjoyed to see those boots. But now, you just felt betrayed.

On multiple occasions, you hoped and even prayed that he would come and save you. I mean, hell, you had been with him for over a year, did he not care? You gave up that hope a long time ago when you were being transported to the castle prison and you saw his face in the mass of people. You saw him look away. You saw him turn his back on you.

And now he was here to mock you.

Suddenly he squatted and grabbed your face, forcing you to look up at him. Kenny's signature smirk was condescending.

"Don't you know how to show your owner some respect?"

You could hear a couple of guards snicker. You grimaced.

He seemed to grin wider at your reaction.

"What, you don't wanna talk to me? " Kenny asked teasingly.

You just glared. You regretted the last year of your life. Everything just went wrong from there. And now, you were about to die. Alone. Disrespected. And innocent.

Then, He slapped you across the face. Albeit, it was softer than any of the beats he had given you before, nonetheless, it still hurt like hell. You bit back a couple of cuss words.

You truly hated him.

"Sorry sweetheart, I have to teach you a lesson for trying to touch the King"

As he said this he stroked your face where he slapped you like he was trying to soothe you. That just added fuel to the growing fire of hatred inside. You closed your eyes to conceal your tears. He was the last person you wanted to cry in front of.

If only you had kept them open because it was obvious, while you were up that close, that he regretted hitting you. He hated doing it every time. But now was not the moment to feel sympathy.

He took ahold of your dirty hair and slammed your head against the pole behind you. It was like a shock, the vibrations rolling through your skull and the pain and ache that continued endlessly.

You couldn't help the sound of your pain that left your mouth.

Kenny kept his facade. "Don't act so fearless now, you know what's in store for you."

He back-talked you for about 5 more minutes and gave you a couple more mild hits before a loud noise erupted from the large front doors of the cathedral. A gunshot.

Suddenly there was screaming from the outside. Everyone spectating turned their attention to the doors of the cathedral.

And without warning the doors busted open. And out through the doors came someone on horseback. He had a dark hood on and you couldn't make out any of his features.

It was like a dream like some unexplainable thing just occurred. What in the world was happening? Why would anyone want to interrupt your execution?

Before you could think about the rapidly approaching horseman any further you heard the double doors behind you open as well.

You strained your neck to see. The king's guards came pouring out of them, one after the other. All suited up in armor and all horseback.

But to your astonishment, the hooded horse rider fearlessly steered in the other direction towards them.

You tried to watch their scrimmage but you felt Kenny suddenly grab your face.

"Listen to me, I'm gonna untie you and you're gonna follow after me. Got it? "

Without thinking you nodded immediately. So he quickly got to work on your bindings.

But as he hastily cut the rope off, a fleeting thought took a hold of you.

Did you want to be saved by Kenny? The man who betrayed you? Part of you would instead still be executed than go with him. You didn't want to go back to being his little obedient assistant. You could live on your own right?

Then Kenny leaned back up, finished with your rope, and instead of paying attention

to what he was saying, you noticed a stray horse galloping behind him and suddenly, it became a lot more interesting than whatever he was ordering you to do. 'I can get out myself' you thought. 'I don't need his help anymore, he was going to let me die anyway.’

As you pulled your arms off just to make sure, you put your plan into action. You quickly threw your head back, and headbutted Kenny as hard as you could.

In reality, it wasn't too hard, but the surprise most definitely made up for it. Kenny sat utterly dumbfounded for a second as you took off in the direction you last saw the horse.

"Y/N! " you heard him roar.

A part of you wanted to stop and curl up in fear but the majority of you sped up.

This was unreal, unheard of. The minute you reached the light brown horse you took a hold of her reigns and wasted no time mounting her.

She hiccupped in her movements and made a move to shake you off but obeyed when you yanked suddenly on the reigns.

The whole time this occurred you heard Kenney's yells.

In your mind, you found it funny. It was about time he stopped treating you like some dog.

You sped around the cathedral before racing towards the exit.

The crowd was loud, the guards were loud and the noise drowned out as you steamrolled your way through. You didn't even look back.

The way forward was not clear. After the double door was passed through, the people in the streets screamed in fear for the stallion bounding in their direction.

The wind zipped past your hair, and for once in your life, you felt on top of the world. You were unbeatable, untouchable, immortal.

You zoomed past shops and police, they were too stunned to stop you. You heard a faint cackling and realized it was coming from you. For some time, you felt like you could feel this way forever, free, happy... Like it could never end.

In your haste and carelessness, you failed to notice the cart in front of you until it was too late.

In your spilt second to reflexes, you steered the horse in an extremely harsh right, and it worked for a moment until you realized you were going to crash headfirst into a tree.

You yanked on the reigns once again, but the inertia flung you out of the saddle and out over the horse.

Unfortunately for you, out past the tree you were trying to avoid, laid out a deep River bank. What was supposed to be a short fall off your horse for a moment, ended up being a 4-second tumble down the rocky side of a river bank.

On your way down, the harsh ridged rocks dug into your skin and did little to hinder your fall. Your limbs got caught on small trees and the pain... The pain was immeasurable.

You hit the water with a splash and promptly passed out.

...

Kenny was pissed.

Beyond pissed.

Honestly, he was so angry it surprised him but he didn't dwell on it for too long.

He and Levi had a near perfectly fine plan, but then you had to fuck it all up with that dumbass little stunt you pulled.

Really, what the fuck were you even thinking? Now he has to go out and look for your dumbass. Any sympathy he felt for hitting you earlier felt completely justified in his eyes now.

I mean, why the fuck didn't you just listen to him? He was helping you for God's sake!??

He forced his way through the same crowds you did with his horse. Looking for any sign of your path.

After a minute of riding, through a gap in the road, Levi caught up and rode alongside him. Levi had changed out of his disguise and was looking for you too.

The more they continued through the town without any clues to your wear about, the angrier Kenny became. He was so fed up. He thought that he might actually kill you when he found you.

But as they drove up the road, there was a crowd in the way.

They slowed down but as they got closer, to their dismay, the crowd wasn’t about Y/N. It seemed like they were trying to calm down a horse.

Kenny huffed in annoyance and tried to force his way through but Levi called out to him.

"Kenny wait,” Levi ordered.

"What!? " Kenny asked exasperatedly.

"Shut up and look at the horse."

Kenny stopped at took a good look at the horse. It was light brown... And for a moment he wondered why he should even care but it finally hit him. The horse you left on looked exactly like it.

He and Levi looked around frantically. You couldn't have gone too far, he's sure they didn't feed you well.

Then, he spotted the cart. It seemed out of place from the start but it was quite literally just sitting in the middle of the road.

Moving around the crowd, with Levi following him, he rode up to the cart and dismounted.

Levi got off his horse questioningly and took both reigns and proceeded to tie them to a nearby tree.

Kenny continued to look around. "I think she's around here somewhere, I'm sure that cart tripped her up."

Levi gave no sign of agreement and instead took a look around as well. In truth, he was annoyed too but understood why you would do this in the first place. Kenny never had a good reputation for being genuine or communicative.

But overall, a part of him was worried, both before this and right now. He never thought he'd think this but he didn't want you to die, and right now, you were seriously in danger.

They continued to scout out the area, around the trees and nearby shops, until, while pushing back some bushes, Levi saw the stream. It was a large river bank with rushing water, and there was a steep decline of rocks and trees to it.

"Kenny! " Levi yelled and moved to carefully start his descent to the water.

As he stepped down the more stable rocks, he noticed that some seemed loose, like they had been moved, and there were spots where there were depressions in the ground where a rock used to be.

Soon enough, Kenny came rushing to the bank as well. Immediately taking after Levi (albeit hastily and less carefully)

It took them some time to reach the bottom, but on the way they saw broken trees and... Blood. Blood coated the smooth rocks and twigs left abandoned by the side of the bank. They grew more perturbed.

Once they reached the bottom Kenny immediately looked around the sides of the water. No signs of you, just undisturbed sand.

"She must have gotten carried away by the river!" Kenny yelled over the rushing water.

He and Levi jogged downstream (The decline into the back was too steep for their horses). It was a large basin of water, all flowing and crashing into large rocks down the slope. Further ahead laid a small waterfall, which didn't leave a good feeling in Kenny’s stomach.

They clambered down the sides and continued looking for you. So far down the stream, there was nothing, but it was their only hope in finding your wear abouts.

When Kenny looked ahead, the stream reached somewhat of a turn, or it was more like a couple of large boulders broke the stream into veins, and the largest ran down to the right and out of view.

The other smaller streams kept riding on, out into different directions but what caught his attention was the odd brown object protruding from between some of the rocks.

Without hesitation, he wadded through the strong current towards it. Levi followed doubtlessly, though, he hesitated because he didn't want to get his boots or pants muddy.

Once Kenny eventually reached the other side, he could see what the strange object was.

There, abandoned on the shore was a stray boot. He knelt, picked it up, and studied it.

It was the left boot and when he thought about it, it was suddenly familiar. He took it in his hands and stood up. There were no footprints, or bootprints, just plain sand.

"YN! " he called out. He looked around desperately. "YN!! "

Levi had already strode ahead, taking note of the boot, he walked forward checking behind large boulders. As he progressed forward, he finally spotted what they were looking for.

A body crumpled up along with the rocks. From what he could see, there was a substantial amount of blood.

"Kenny! " Levi called again as he speed walked towards your unconscious form.

Without missing a beat Kenny took off to where he heard Levi. He kept his pace until he spotted you as well, increasing in speed to get to you faster.

He couldn’t will himself to call out to you again, too afraid of the silence that might follow. You can't die. It isn't possible, he doesn't have time for it.

You were in worse shape than he thought. Of course, Levi reached you first, but from what he could see, your left calf was twisted beyond its normal capabilities. There was blood across your stomach and he could see large scratches and the beginnings of bruises started to form on your skin.

Your clothes were tattered and soaked, whatever skin was showing looked damaged in some way or another. Kenny leaned down and watched Levi hurriedly check your pulse. Even Levi looked concerned... or even scared.

Kenny watched as Levi’s face turned from anxious back to his normal scowl.

“Well, is she alive or dead?!” Kenny half yelled out of nervousness.

“She’s alive,” Levi stated in monotone, “But she’s probably broken some bones and we’ll have to carry her back.”

Kenny grumbled but felt a rush of peace. He didn’t want to admit it but he was tense the whole time before Levi said that.

“Well, let’s get a move on, I’m sick and tired of this shit.” Kenny spat. He sat the boot down and squatted to find a way to pick you up. But as his hands breached under your back and knees, you abruptly started coughing and heaving. It was a thick and heaving cough, and every time you did was excruciating.

“Finally awake huh?” Kenny taunted through gritted teeth, “Have a nice trip?”

You were too disoriented to comprehend what Kenny was saying. You groaned because of the pain and let your eyes adjust. The noise of the water and Kenny’s loud ass voice overwhelmed you.

“What…” You croaked. “Kenny?”

“Yeah it’s me, Princess,” Kenny said sarcastically, “I’m here to save your dumbass.”

“What’s going on?” You asked no one in particular. Your eyes finally adjusted and you could make out Kenny and Levi looking down at you. Levi looked more or less normal but Kenny… well, let’s just say Kenny didn’t look pleased.

“You tell me. We had a plan but it seems like you had other ideas.” he bitched.

“I,” you thought about it but found your brain was having a hard time thinking. “I didn’t know” you muttered dumbly.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Kenny said angrily, “You’re in a butt load of trouble for this little stunt you pulled, first you fuckin’ headbutt me, then you run off and now you’ve troubled both me and Levi by having to walk all the way down here to get you. I haven't even mentioned the stuff we're gonna have to do to get you back and fixed.”

You felt embarrassed, to say the least. If your face wasn’t already burning from the blood rushing to it from the pain, it sure was now. “I thought that- I thought-”

“Well you thought fuckin’ wrong, that’s what you fucking did, you screwed it all up,” Kenny cursed.

Levi had already stood up when you weren’t paying attention, but his voice suddenly made his presence known. He wasn’t one to get into his uncle's affairs, you were Kenny's little brat and had little relation to him, but this was getting to be too much.

“Can we do this shit some other time, Kenny?” Levi spoke with an annoyed tone.

“No! No, I have shit to say to this little fucker.” Kenny barked at him while staring at you.

Kenny then reached down and grabbed at your shirt, hauling you up and causing you to huff. Your legs strained and the ankle, which was numb before, suddenly felt very noticeable and painful. You whimpered and hissed.

“When I fucking tell you to do something, you’re supposed to Fucking Do It!” Kenny hissed while jabbing at you, “Don’t fucken ignore me. Don’t do the opposite. And Don’t Fucking Hit me you little-”

He stopped momentarily when he saw the tears running down your cheeks. “Oh, don’t you think for a second those crocodile tears are gonna’ make me forget this mess sweetheart. You fucked this shit up, and now you’re gonna pay for it.”

Levi cursed and anxiously shuffled on his feet, “Kenny, lets just fucking go, our horses are still-”

“Shut Up! I’m not done!” Kenny ordered, “What were you even thinking huh? Do you want this to happen? Did you think you were gonna do something? Did you think this was gonna change anything? Huh?” Kenny shook you with every question, unaware of the pain this was causing you.

Some more tears fell down your face. You kept grimacing.

After you didn’t answer because of the pain, Kenny continued. “Some shit like this happens every single time! Should I have just left you there? Maybe I should've because now I have to deal with your bullshit again. Do you want me to bring you back!?”

“Kenny, I thought I was gonna die” you sobbed.

Kenny stopped at stared at you. Since you said it through tears and hiccups it took a moment to understand you. “You thought you were gonna die?” He questioned condescendingly.

It took a second for you to answer, because of the hiccups and gasping. “I thought- that you had left me for good. You just left me to die- I thought I was gonna die.”

He stayed silent for a moment. Huffing through his nose and staring at your pain-stricken face, trying to understand exactly what you meant.

“It was when- When” You gasped. “When you turned away from me when they took me away. You turned away and left me.”

Kenny stared at you with a confused expression, but then sighed and looked down when he realized where the misunderstanding happened.

Kenny’s voice was much softer now as if explaining to a toddler he spoke, “Y/N I did that so that the MP didn’t think it was a setup. You know that I have to act so that they didn’t suspect anything.”

“No- No I didn’t because I had no clue you were with the MP. You just-” You huffed once more, “You just left me and I had to stay there with- with no food and in fear because- because I was gonna die. I thought I was gonna die for sure.” You whimpered and sputtered. “And- And you’re really h-hurting me.” You added pitifully.

Kenny hesitated, as if somewhat surprised that he was causing you physical pain, before calmly setting you back down.

He waited for a moment over you, mulling over his actions and the miscommunication that had accrued.

“Let’s go,” Kenny decided, “Levi, help me.”

Levi returned to your side hastily, happy this argument was finally over, and supported your body as Kenny carefully pulled you up and held your bridal style. As he adjusted you, you continued to groan and hiss. Your arm rose to grab onto something because of anxiety since you couldn’t remember the last time you were picked up.

Your hand grasped onto the back of Kenny’s collar and your head rested near Kenny’s shoulder. You continued to huff involuntarily.

Levi grabbed your left boot and they began to walk, without the urgency they had before, up the river. Every step Kenny took left a sting in your leg since it moved with the inertia of his movement but you keep silent.

You closed your eyes and tried to fight the shame and embarrassment that was overcoming you. ‘Another time I fuck it all up, Kenny is right, I really am just a burden.’ Your conscious tormented. ‘Every time I’m around something bad happens. They really should’ve just left me to die.’

“Kenny…” You started hesitantly, “I’m really sorry”

You heard no response and it left you feeling incredibly stupid. ‘What was an apology gonna do? Fix things?’ But something distracted you from thinking this way for too long because you noticed Kenny’s heartbeat had increased substantially.

“Just… don’t you ever do that again,” Kenny said softly while stepping over a particularly large rock. Causing you to wince.

“I won't..” You muttered.

He took this as an invitation to continue talking. “You gave me quite a fright ya know? All I know is that you’re gone and you’ve lost a lot of blood. And then we finally find you and you’re unconscious… heh, you said you were scared you were gonna die, well I was scared shitless that you actually were.” He admitted with a weak smile.

After a moment with no response, he suddenly felt a deep despairing pit form in his gut and he quickly looked down at you.

“Levi, she’s not responding.” He spoke with urgency.

“She’s just sleeping” Levi answered calmly, “She lost a lot of blood.”

Kenny tutted with embarrassment. Nodding as if he already knew that.

“Jesus kid, you’re gonna give me a heart attack.” He spoke under his breath.

★ I know I haven't posted in like, 2 years but im a one hit wonder except my hits aren't wonders they're mistakes.

Also, this is NOT lore accurate at all 😅 I can't even remember theast time I've seen at I just randomly remembered my liking towards Kenny and felt the need to write it.

And actually, if you can't tell, I wrote this on the course of 2 years, some of the beginning is low quality but the end is recent so if it sounds different halfway through apologies.

Also, I wish I could recall the name and uthor but this is a little bit inspired by their Kenny x reader fics where it's in a western AU. I just loved it so much that now whenever I imagine Kenny it's when he's some wanted outlaw in the Wild West.

‼️I have a part 2 if anyone is interested. I'll probably post it anyway if this gets attention 👍

#kenny ackerman x reader #kenny ackerman #aot x reader #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #kenny ackerman x you

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