#so im going to be annoying about it to my like 5 real followers

[raptorwithamarker]

This is set in an AU called Cyberpunk Thieves, which entails sci-fi and a healthy dose of space western

(blurb has body horror!)

-(A/N: If you haaatteeee cringey backstories this is your time to gtfo! ^_^)

-Was human, now dinosaur

-She was given to a research facility housed on a mothership in outer space when she was younger, the parents being handed a flat fee as opposed to a long term contract.

-The scientists decided to experiment on large swaths of different species, and eventually altered the genetics of Sparrow so much that she has dinosaur DNA. In more specifics, a part of the Dromaeosauridae family.

-Her pinkie fingers were surgically removed and grown into the now winglets on her head, which can move and fold.

-Her last 2 toes on either foot were removed and presumably given to another patient.

-Her wings also were received from another project, in an effort to study the effects.

-She’s not brought to the brink of death or anything like they don’t exactly have a ton of subjects. But they do vivisect her or whatever to see what's going on. That and like MRI and other tests duh -If she has any scars they’re hidden under the protofeathers so shawty is spotless 🪶

-Sparrow does not fight against scientists, as they are nice to her, but she goes unresponsive or pliant when in a medical setting due to her past. This can be jarring and vulnerable, so Sparrow avoids scientific labs, surgery rooms, and doctor's offices. 🤪😐

-Avian drugs have little effect on her, but human drugs work normally. Other variations could just make her sick or have no effect ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 🫠

-The relationship to value in the science she underwent is unknown to Sparrow, but she was treated well. Still, glass boxes and a limited environment led to her eventually running away.👟

-They did little behavior tests also <3 and she ran after weird animals and they recorded that. Enrichment.

-One time they forgot to feed her (since the computer had like an error or something) and she ate the animal 😳 and the scientists had no idea what to do and they let her eat it 😆

-Now a fugitive, she hides from the researching body that wants their property back. She has a reward out for her, and takes up bounty hunting as a way to earn credits. 

-While running, she stumbles into Apollo and teams up for both of them, who are now outcast.

-Sparrow hides her face behind the helmet as soon as she can, and chooses a model that is humanoid, to remind herself she is human. She also insists she is human, though most ignore this.

-Sparrow chirps and clicks like most avians, though will not express this trait often. Her wings allow gliding on Earth-like planets, but can allow more or less on other planets in terms of flight.

-Of all the changes she had undergone, her eyes have not changed.

-The dark is comforting because the lab room was usually kept bright or dim🌚; also was rather homely with books, a desk, and probably other small utensils. 🍴

(I hope this brief rundown is good! If you have anymore questions don't hesitate to ask)

[welldrawnfish]

So these last few days has been.. Turbulent. DIFFERENT

I think I may be a System? Infact I KNOW I am a system at this point, but Im also not ready to accept that. Well a part of me isnt, and the other parts of me are like… uh duh of course you are. 

*A system in this context refers to the collective consciousness under the DID / OSDD Umbrella, I dont know the correct terminology in all of this, so im so sorry If i I mess up. I don’t necessarily want to give myself a label, there's .. brain scans and stuff I can get to prove it. And I need those, thats the only way I know this is real. But for now, for my own mental health I am treating it as if it were.. “real “ And I dont really know… what to expect…? I want to find something, ANYTHING, on I guess.. Systems waking up? But I cant find it. So I’ll just do this here Im gonna dump out all our thoughts onto some comic pages and we will figure it out.  I had a bit of an awakening roughly.. 5 days ago, and for the sake of convenience gonna use Plural/System terminology - There are alters, I have met them, the have names and personalities and some of them are really fuckin annoying i just want to punch him in his TEETH

Anyways, since the alter awakening moment, my brain has been in TURMOIL parts of me accept this, parts of me dont, i keep feeling like my face is like shifted 2 inches to the right and everything gets fuzzy in the real world. Not that these alters have names like.. Files are getting sorted  into these proper figures and everything is getting explained and figured out. And its making me feel like I'm not me anymore?

Like I always would argue and barter and fight with my own thoughts, but that's the thing, they wer thoughts, voices in my head with just like, distinct personalities. I just saw it as a different part of me?? Figured that was normal.

But now they are.. stronger ? OR maybe because i'm more aware of them and the personalities I can tell whos out now and like.. Obviously they are happy to get some facetime with the world properly?? But like.. Am *I* just aware of it, aware of them now, aware that it is not just *I* but *We* and so noticing it more, I'm resisting even harder? We feel more fractured than ever.

I have a good friend helping me out, another system, I owe them everything, maybe my life. (PLEASE FOLLOW @transpanda-1 BTW THEY DESERVE IT) They had a few amazing tips, but I cant keep bugging them about every anxiety on my mind thats not fair, so I’ll ask the whole community.

I guess what I want to know is.. Like is this normal? Do all systems go through this? What should I expect in the future and how do I make this more streamlined and stop.. Fighting it? I guess?

I thought I finally had myself figured out, just be the girl who makes the funny relatable trans comics… it was simple.

[brodieland]

.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.𝝑𝝔 I'd let her light me on Fire ´ˎ˗

Leo Valdez x Fem!Reader Synopsis: after three weeks, the girls get a new roommate that Leo may or may not be quite familiar with!!! Warning(s): do I need to say cursing anymore Word Count: 2379 A/N: this is a normal AU, no godly shit 😛 why did I make Leo a lil bit of a loser?? also im gonna mention it now bc im lazy LOL, the dorms are like the ones in Gilmore girls (it makes me wish Yale was real💔) like they have the common area with the rooms connecting off of it, also writing in this pov is kinda annoying why did I do this, now lemme shut up Part 1

After a good 3 weeks in the amazing Los Angelos, it was time to go home. Well, not home, school. Weirdly enough, the seven felt a little bit homesick from being away for so long, but that cleared up when they remembered they were going to have to sit in the van for another 5 agonizing days. FUN!! And no, Leo did not almost fall asleep at the wheel, that was just Hazel's motion sickness getting to her, making her see things if you will.

When they made it back, they all felt like zombies when they were trudging back to their rooms. Safe to say the second they finished unpacking, just like in LA, they all passed out.

The next day, at around 10AM, the boys were sitting on the couch together eating cereal and just talking when Percy's phone went off.

"Yo I just got a text from Annabeth," Percy said with mouthful of cereal. "They're finally getting their fourth girl."

Leo was intrigued by this. Ever since that one night in LA, he hadn't really stopped thinking of Y/N. One thing about Leo, he never had the warmth of a family. When he ran away from his foster homes, all he had was the warmth of a fire every night to keep him going before he got dropped in a new home, one colder than the last. Now he associated the warmth of a fire with a girl, one he met once who had a crazed look in her eye when she saw the lighter go off. Leo had a thing for girls on the weirder end, but he was totally fine with that.

"We should go," Leo suggested. Y/N's voice still rang in his head, 'I gotta go now, maybe I'll see you around. Leo Valdez.' Now this was delusion at its finest, but he didn't care.

"Of course you want to meet the new girl," Jason chuckled as he got up toward the kitchen. Leo gave a half-assed laugh that no one paid mind too. Percy texted Annabeth back saying that they were on their way. Leo had a little pep in his step on his way to the girls floor. When they got there, Percy did a secret little knock on the door and Annabeth opened it, quickly kissing Percy before allowing everyone inside.

"'cough' Corny 'cough'" This earned Leo some chuckles, but was utterly ignored by the lovely couple in front of him.

"Right this way everyone, me and Hazel were just watching a movie. Pipers helping her unpack." Frank and Percy made their way to the couch along their girlfriends while Jason followed Leo toward the empty room. Well, the no longer empty room.

When Leo pushed past the door, he saw a girl leaning forward grabbing stuff from a duffle bag. She had on some low waisted baggy jeans that sat just right by her hip bone, and a crop top that showed off her figure. A beautiful slim waist and hair that flowed down her back. 'Wow.'

She stood up straight, like she sensed Leo eyes lingering and staring at her. When she turned around, a smile quickly flooded her features. "Oh my god, hey there stalker boy." She chuckled as Piper and Jason gave him the weirdest look.

"Hey I'm not a stalker! If anything, you're the stalker. How'd you know where I went to school?" Leo began walking closer and waving his finger around to make his point.

'Well," Y/N poked Leo's forehead, sending his head back ever so slightly. "I didn't. This is the boarding MY PARENTS decided to send me too."

"Can we pause for a second," Piper interjected. "Do you two know each other?"

"Oh of course," Y/N beamed. "Back like 3-4 weeks in LA, I was just minding my business, right? Then suddenly I felt eyes on me, so I turned and saw him staring at me!"

"I had to stare-,"

"Oh you HAD to stare?"

"Well, yeah?? You were literally trying to light a jungle gym on fire??"

"That's dramatic."

"Oh so that's why you came back late with a giant smile," Jason teased. Leo turned and gave him a look like 'bro your selling right now', but Y/N just started giggling and walking closer.

"Aw I had you kicking your feet and grinning," she started pinching his cheeks, swinging his head from side to side. "Be honest did you miss meee??"

Piper and Jason couldn't help but laugh at the situation their friend was in, knowing he probably didn't mind it all that much.

"Miss you?" Leo grabbed her hands off his face. "I hardly know you??"

"Yeah okay," Y/N turned back around to continue to unpack. "Well you can stand there and keep staring, or you could help me unpack." This was a hard decision. Stare at a masterpiece among art, or do work. Leo ended up helping though, not even noticing Piper and Jason excusing themselves.

While Leo continued to help unpack, he made it to one of the last book bags of clothes. When Y/N turned her eyes widened. "Leo don't open that one."

"Hm, what'd you say," she was too late. He already opened it and dumped everything inside in front of it, some landing on his feet. Though, it wasn't really clothes, more so underwear and bras. "That's what you said," Leo said lowly.

"Well um, I got it from here Leo. Thanks for the help," Y/N was a little embarrassed to say the least. How could she not be when the guy she'd been thinking about just dumped her underwear on his feet.

"No yeah you got that," Leo said as he backed away to the door, knocking into the dresser on his way. "I'll be out here," and he stepped out the door.

He left her in the room (where she stood just there for a good minute), as he joined in the rest of his friends in front of the tv. "Hey guys."

"Hey Leo-" Percy cut himself off when he looked down, and started laughing.

"Whats so funny?"

"Look down," Annabeth snickered, making the rest of the people on couch laugh as well. For a fact, the last thing Leo was expecting to see was Y/N's underwear tangled with his ankle, but that's exactly what he saw. The look on the boy's face was seemingly unreadable, but he was definitely embarrassed as he lifted up his foot and pinched the underwear off with his thumb and pointer finger. Now watch this for perfect timing!!

"Um, Leo," as Y/N stepped out the room to ask the awkward question, but she cut herself off. "Oh my god Leo did you just try to steal my underwear??"

Leo started stammering over his words as Y/N started making her way over to him, grabbing the underwear. "Uh NO! Why would I want your underwear??"

"Well, you just had it," she laughed.

"Well not on purpose obviously," Leo crossed his arms. "Like what do you think of me hello??" She started walking back to her room.

"Well, you were already a little stalker," Y/N leaned on the doorframe with the doorknob in her hand. "Now we can add pervert to the list!" She let out a laugh that made Leo think he was in heaven listening to the angels above, then he remembered why she was laughing at him as she shut the door.

He could've sworn his eye twitched. Because obviously she knew he didn't take it, she just found it funny to mess with him. Call it flirting if you will.

"Dude, that's not how you flirt with girls you know," Frank joked from the couch. Now it was their turn to laugh at Leo.

"Yo what is this, 'national pick on Leo day?'"

"The joke wasn't funny when you said it yesterday, and it shockingly isn't any funnier today," Hazel chuckled.

"But seriously, how do you get a girls underwear tangled around your ankle before getting your first kiss," Jason asked, making everyone laugh some more.

"Why does the whole village feel the need to gang up on me right now?"

"To be fair you make it really easy," Piper added. "Do you even talk to girls other than the ones in this room?"

"No and this ones really pretty so can we cut me some slack??"

Y/N stood in her dorm, leaning up against the closed door listening in on the conversation going on in their common area. "This one." She giggled as she listened to them all berate Leo for his lack of skills with girls. As the conversation died down, she spent the next ten minutes or so unpacking before walking back out and joining the others.

When Y/N arrived this morning, the girls quickly made her feel welcome. It was really refreshing compared to most, if not all, the other schools she'd been to.

She walked out and saw everyone laid out on the couch. The only space open was conveniently next to Leo, which was fine considering he had some popcorn with him (bless Piper for convincing the school to let her keep her microwave). When she plopped down next to him, she leaned closer to grab some popcorn and whisper, "what movie are we watching?"

When Leo turned to face the girl next to him, he could've sworn he felt chills go down his back. It was just like that night in LA. "We're watching Fear Street, we planned on watching all three when we came back."

He had popcorn breathe. "Oh fire, I've been wanted to watch these too."

When she saw Leo laid back and comfortable, she took her chance to sit somewhat closer, slipping her arm under his and wrapping it around, leaning her head on his shoulder. His nervous system may have rebooted but that's besides the point.

When the bowl in front of the two was now empty, Leo started to stand, quietly gesturing Y/N to follow him. Leo led her into Piper's room, where the microwave and some snacks were. As he knelt down looking for food, Y/N sat down on the bed and watched Leo.

"So, how ya been?" Leo asked. "Considering you were living on the streets."

"Oh it was so hard, fending for myself in these dangerous streets as a small feeble woman," Leo chuckled. "It wasn't that bad, I was just staying in my car. Me and my beetle against the world."

"Yeah, I get that," Leo sat on the floor while the microwave started to spin. "I lived in my van a lot, I even named it festus."

"A van? Like scooby doo type shit? Cause that'd be pretty sick."

"THANK YOU! Finally someone understands me."

"I'm a pretty open minded person." The microwave peeped.

"Popcorns ready."

"How is there even a microwave in here you," Y/N asked.

"Pipers pretty persuasive I suppose." Leo sat down with the bowl of popcorn just eating it. He patted the spot on the floor next to him gesturing the girl in front of him to sit. She slid over and started eating the popcorn.

"You know, I'm kinda hungry for some actual food." She turned over to Leo. "Is there somewhere here to get some food?"

"Cafeteria's open?" She smiled and pulled the bowl of popcorn off of Leo's lap before grabbing his wrist and pulling him up and out the door. Y/N was snickering as she pulled Leo out of her dorm into the hallway before stopping and turning to him.

"I don't know where to go, still new here."

"Well naturally," he rolled his eyes and laughed. "Follow me, m'lady."

She didn't realize how hungry she was for some real food till she caught a whiff of some Mac n cheese and chicken tenders. Popcorn was cool and all, but this was much better.

"You don't have an ID yet right," Y/N nodded. "I'll treat you then."

She smiled as she followed him to the food, "Such a gentleman. Is this an apology for stealing my underwear?"

People gave weird looks before going back to what they were doing. "Dude you can't just say that," Leo rubbed his temples.

"I mean, it's true," She shrugged and started filling her plate with some gorgeous Mac n cheese and chicken tenders. When she finished Leo paid for both their meals and they sat at a table across from each other. "God this shits good."

"You sound starved.."

"To be fair I was saving my money for gas while I was out. Shits expensive so not as many full course meals as you'd think."

"Well, while your here I could make up for that, treat you some more like the gentleman I am."

"Aw, are you flirting with me?"

"Why is it working?" Leo joked (He wasn't joking).

"Woah, big talk from a guy who hasn't had his first kiss," she laughed but Leo just dropped his forked and stared straight at the girl in front of him.

"When did you-"

"Thin walls you know," she winked.

"It's not funny."

"Maybe just a little."

"I've kissed millions of girls!" Leo retorted.

"Really? Name one."

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell," Leo winked and Y/N just rolled her eyes.

"Ya know if you were honest it could've been a millions and 1." He looked straight at you. "Just kidding!"

"Is your biggest joy in life just making fun of me?"

"Maybe.. yes." She said as she took the last bite of her food. The two stood up and went to throw away their empty plates. They made their way back to the girls dorm. When Y/N opened the door she saw everyone about a fourth of the way through the third fear street movie. "We're back."

"Where'd you guys go," Piper asked.

"To eat, I was hungry," Y/n smiled as she plopped down in the same seat she sat in before, shortly followed by Leo. They both slid into the same positions as earlier, with their arms intertwined as they laid their heads on each other, but this time, it weirdly felt more comfortable. This was gonna be a fun year!!!

[viathecloset]

Taehyung and jungkook's relationship is overlooked by 90% of the fandom solely because they are so controlled by the narrative of the fandom/company that they cannot quite accept that anything outside is even a remote possibility. Ive been more of a quiet observer for years now [my sister's an army since 2015] and I've seen the boys, moreover I know how marketing and kpop works. It's quite evident if u observe close enough of the pattern on how this group of seven guys who genuinely love music is marketed you would understand to what extent you're being brainwashed. Im not talking about this like a conspiracy theorist. It's quite simple and right infront of you. Yall refuse to accept it that's all.

1. There are a certain set of stories that are made to be told by them, over and over again. Even if it disturbs them or they are bored. E.g: 2018 disbandment story, vmin dumpling incident, jikook rain fight/tokyo trip, mind you there are many things that happend between people who lived together for 10+ yrs but if it cuts the flow of events you are made to believe happened you aren't gonna hear from it, ever.

2. Like stories there are dynamics that each pair is supposed to portray Taegi as annoying/annoyed duo, taejin/jikook as flirty HS boyfriends, namseok/taekook the awkward old friends and no matter how much the relationships change or evolve you won't see it cuz again, it won't FIT the narrative that has already been shown.

3. Like relationships there are characteristics that thankfully some members chose to break out of during their solo era: hoseok always being sunshine and loud ( he's quite serious and very dedicated infact ), jungkook being that muscle dude who only knows how to follow his Hyungs ( he's very independent and has a lot of targets he wants to achieve individually, he's very thoughtful and organized) and Taehyung being WEIRD and weak ( he's extremely intelligent and super strong he's strategic and disciplined)

4. This brings us to the whole Taekook narrative, the fact that they've been seen so much during solo era yet people had the audacity to still call them distant and awkward solely cuz it wasn't via company but through Taehyung's ig or jungkook mentioning him in interviews etc. I think it's needless to say they aren't comfortable being touchy and showy on camera for content, hell if they were to shoot everytime Taehyung and jungkook hangout there would he enough CONTENT till 2067. They're supportive of eo and have a very big shared friend circle, when jungkook went missing for almost 2 months we got to know Taehyung was the one he was with.

5. The thing is everyone [ including my own sister ] thinks that Taehyung is being desperate or such whenever he mentions Taehyung cuz a. Yall have actually led jokers run so fucking rampant that everytime the man mentions him actually doing something you're ready to throw him under the bus and call him a liar or such. b. Im not saying jungkook isn't close to anyone else but when he isn't working or shooting content and just wants to be himself the one you saw him most was around Taehyung and yes it matters. In the name of hating shippers yall have not only dissed the quite frankly PRIVATE bond they seem to share but went as far as dissing Taehyung himself cuz of the extreme level of manipulation yall are under.

Ik imma find armys [jikookers ]under this sooner or later calling me names but to be honest I'm sick and tired of yall dissing very real people and their very real human relationships solely based off the content yall are made to believe is 100% candid. Go touch grass, get friends, go date, don't obsess over them for a while then come back and try seeing it from a neutral perspective.

[wintrcaptn]

Wish I Loved You In The Nineties

Joel Miller x Reader

Summary : right person, wrong place, wrong time.

A/N : this will be a few parts. I just wanted to write some angst cuz I miss it 😭

This was just a quick intro. Cuz the next few parts will go into more detail about their feelings, the tension, the cute angsty moments, etc., I hope you enjoy!!

Warnings : cursing I guess? Age gap (Joel is in his 50s, reader is 26) virgin. 2.2k words

"Wait, there's a library! I'll be five minutes." You said.

Joel turned on his heels to face you but before he could even say a word, you were off. Annoyance washed over him instantly as he followed you to the library.

"One day im gonna put a damn leash on you." He groaned, walking few paces behind you.

You rolled your eyes, ignoring him completely.

Joel was the only consistent thing in your life lately other than books. He had saved you from raiders a little over a year ago.

And though he fought himself for a short moment on whether or not he should even care to help you, he couldn't just turn his back.

And ever since, you stuck around him. Following him wherever he went. Even when he told you to leave, over and over again.

But that was the thing, you really had no one to go to. All the people you ever cared for had died, and well...you were tired of trying to fend for yourself. Look how well that went.

Now, here you were. Annoying Joel for the hundredth time.

He had grown used to having you around by now. And a part of him began to feel protective of you.

Even when you pissed him off, and pushed every single button of his from all your constant questions of life before it turned to shit.

You were only 5 when it happened. And now, 20 years later...those memories have only faded more and more.

But there was one thing that always shut you up...books.

If you weren't annoying him with all your constant talking, he would find you curled up with a book, pens and high lighters.

You always knew how to lose yourself in a story. And you read anything you could get your hands on. Didn't matter if it were thriller, romance or science fiction, and fantasy.

Anything that took you away from the real world.

"One book. Got it? Ya already got too many."

"You can never have too many books, Joel. Maybe you should grab one for yourself." You said, as you quietly opened the door.

He rolled his eyes.

The library had books all over. Some on the shelves, some tossed on the floor, and tables. There had been moss growing from the trees sticking through the broken windows.

"It's so beautiful." You whispered.

"Don't go too far. You stay where I can see you. Got it?"

"Mhm"

"Repeat it."

You stopped in your steps and turned to meet his gaze. "Go far away where you can't see me."

"Dammit, kid—"

"I'll be right in this aisle, where you can see me. Okay?"

Joel could care less about the sarcasm, but he enjoyed having you around. But he would never admit that to you. Not even to himself.

"Ok, I got my book." You said, walking over to him.

"Just one?"

You shrugged a, soft smile forming on your lips.

"How many?"

"Only four! Look, they had 'An Offer From A Gentleman.' And 'The Time Travelers Wife.'"

"More romance books?" He said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Ain't ya tired of the predictability?"

You sighed, shoving the books into your bag. "Sorry for wanting to read books with happy endings sometimes. It's not like I'll ever get that in this lifetime."

Joel swallowed hard as he took in your words. He had the luxury to remember life before the infection. Before life was a blur.

It wasn't as simple as the books, and it sure as hell didn't always end up in happily ever after for everyone. But he did have the chance to fall in love, to feel the butterflies after a first date, and the build up anxiety before a first kiss. Even having gone through break ups...

You never had any of it.

"Come on." He said. Feeling a bit off when he noticed the different tone in your voice. "We should head back to camp before it gets dark."

————

You were quiet most of the walk back. Reading the third book in the Bridgerton series.

Reading Benedict Bridgerton's story had made you swoon. It reminded you of Cinderella, a story your mother used to tell you before she died.

He was whiny at times, sure. But the way he knew what he wanted...which in this case, was Sophie. He didn't care about his rank in society. He wanted her. And when he fought for her, you heart swelled.

"God, what I would give to be loved like this." You stated, closing the book.

"Ya finished it already?"

"It's not like I have anything else to do."

Joel shrugged in agreement. Once you had reached the campsite, he made you both coffee while you got some food prepared that you found on your quick supply run.

"Were you ever in love?" You asked absentmindedly.

Joel furrowed his brows, crossing his arms over his chest. "What'd I say bout personal questions."

"Come on! I've been following you for over a year now. You know almost everything about me!"

"Not my choice."

You looked up at him and glared at him with your tired eyes. "Just give me something. Anything."

He rolled his eyes, glancing at the coffee next to him.

"Please? You don't even have to tell me anything really personal...just..idk—what was your go to pick up line?"

"Out of all the people in the world, I get stuck with you." He groaned. "I ain't doin this with you."

"Fine, then where was your favorite place to take a date to?"

Joel stood there, leaving against the truck. He had already been annoyed, but here you were, annoying him even more with questions he didn't want to think about.

"Please? I'll leave you alone for the rest of the night if you just answer at least one of my questions."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. He knew he should just ignore you, but today...he just couldn't.

"Fine. Didn't do much but take 'em to a drive in and maybe an arcade if she were into it." He said. "Now leave me alone, already."

A smile formed on your lips and you pulled yourself up to your feet.

"So you did go on dates." You teased. "There's a heart in there."

"Shut up."

A little chuckle escaped you as you stood next to him, watching the sun begin to set ahead of you.

"I wish I could've been born earlier. So I could've experienced that at least once in my life."

Joel let out a sigh. "Trust me kid, you ain't missin much."

"Easy for you to say! You got to live it. But all I have are books and my imagination."

"Maybe get ya head out of those damn books and go find someone."

"Where Joel? In the abandoned library? Or what about the open field behind us? Last time I trusted strangers, they tried to kill me."

"You trusted me."

It was true. Joel had been nothing but a stranger to you. But for reasons you weren't sure why, you couldn't help but feel as if you could trust him.

He was such an ass, and at times you wanted to punch him in the face and leave but...you also needed him. You needed him like breathing. He made you feel safe, as if nothing bad could ever happen to you again.

With Joel, you were home.

"You just don't get it." You exhaled, walking back toward your sleeping bag.

Joel knew he should just drop it there, but he hated seeing you this way. It wasn't like you to shut down, and lately...you were doing that a lot.

"I'm just sayin, falling in love ain't all it's cracked up to be like your little books."

"No shit. I know it's not going to be like the books but still...there is some truth to them. But I'll never know...I never even had a first freakin kiss."

You stopped for a moment and turned to look at Joel.

He furrowed his brows for a moment, holding your gaze before the realization dawned on him. He shook his head immediately. "No. Don't even think about it."

"Come on!" You exclaimed, walking back to him. "It's not like I'm asking you to marry me or something!"

Joel shook his head once again and stood firm in his stance. "I said no. Keep me out ya weird fantasies."

"Please Joel? Just one kiss. That's all I'm asking for. Just one so I at least know what it feels like."

He tried to ignore you as he turned his back to you but you continued your pleading. The constant "please" in his ear. It was starting to frustrate him.

"If I do this for you, will you finally shut up?!" His voice was louder than usual.

You only nodded, holding his gaze with yours.

"I'm gonna regret this." He mumbled to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. He thought to himself for just a moment before letting out a groan and stomped over to you without any hesitation. Before you could react, his hands cupped your cheeks, forcing you to tilt your head just before his lips pressed firmly against yours.

In that moment, your heart began to race. His lips were soft and warm, and tasted of his coffee. It didn't take you long to motion back.  His tongue danced along yours, forcing chills to cover you completely as his hands traced down to your waist, pulling you in closer.

Joel deepened the kiss, hot and urgent. As if he needed this to survive. He couldn't stop himself, and he didn't want to.

In this moment, it felt like all of the world had disappeared and it was only you and him.

The kiss was intoxicating. And suddenly your body grew hot. Every part of you wanted him. To feel more of him in places no one had ever touched except for you.

Joel was ready to lose himself to you in this moment. He knew it was wrong and he should stop but the longer you were against him, the more he craved you.

The urgency of the kiss was palpable, a relentless hunger that left you breathless.

His hands trailed up and down your body, feeling the thin fabric of your shirt clinging to your torso, wishing to feel your skin against his.

He could feel himself growing harder just by the thought alone. He wanted you. More than anything.

Joel didn't have time to think about what was right or wrong. He just knew in this moment, you were all he cared about.

In an instant, he lifted you off the ground and sat you on the bed of the truck. His lips never leaving yours.

Until you had accidentally knocked over the cup of coffee and the sound of the mug shattering on the ground, stopped you from continuing.

Joel quickly took a step back, wiping his mouth and catching his breath, as you sat there, heart beating fast in your chest. He turned his back to you, trying to collect his thoughts. For a moment, he almost let himself go. He almost caved and gave in to you.

You didn't even know what to think. And for the first time in your life, you had no words.

Things are far too complicated in this world. Joel wasn't someone who let anyone in. He knew giving someone that much power, it would destroy him if anything were to happen.

And he tried so damn hard to keep from feeling anything for you. If you had walked away after saving you that day, he wouldn't have thought twice about you. But now?

You were all he could ever think about. Every morning, he'd flash a soft smile seeing you already awake...reading a book like always with coffee ready. Every night, he felt a little more at ease having you there. Even when he didn't show it, he was slowly starting to fall for you.

And it scared him. More than anything. You were the right person, but it was the wrong time.

He couldn't promise to love you the way you deserved. To be the man that you hoped he would be. For so long, Joel was someone people feared. He never hesitated to do what he had to in order to survive.

So how could a girl like you ever love a man like him?

"Joel...s-say something." You stammered, nervously picking at your nail.

He turned to meet your gaze and wanted nothing more than to kiss you again. To feel you against him. But he swallowed hard and straightened his stance.

"I held my end of the bargain...now it's your turn." He groaned, then stomped over to the fire and kicked dirt into it to put it out.

"But—"

"Don't." He said with a stern voice. "Get some sleep. I'll keep watch."

"Joel—"

"I won't tell you again."

You didn't want to fight with him. So many different emotions washed over you, it was overwhelming. And all you wanted to do was sleep.

Maybe you shouldn't have asked him to kiss you. Because then you wouldn't be laying there wishing you could kiss him again. Maybe, you wouldn't have realized you were falling in love with him.

—————

Chapter two

[flowerflowerflo]

bee's record player: march edition. 🎀𓂃 ࣪˖

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 !! notice !! ♡

surpriseee <3 wanted to try and add a little of my personal influence to my girlblog since music is literally my entire life & thought it might be funny to show u all what makes up the chaotic glittery mess that is my brain (and because there are almost 1000 of you beautiful people following me whatt?? thank you😭). i've allllways wanted to do smth like this too so, here u go !! 🩷💗

(+ this is a way for me to rant about my interests without being annoying to my friends / moots 😭. to anybody who has listened to me rant or cry or scream or whatever over music ily guys mwa)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 NEW ARRIVALS

goddess, laufey

♡ released march 6th, 2024

♡ single

♡ running time: 4 minutes 28 seconds

eternal sunshine, ariana grande

♡ released march 8th, 2024

♡ full album / LP

♡ best songs: supernatural, the boy is mine, we can't be friends (wait for your love), intro (end of the world)

♡ running time: 35 minutes 33 seconds

unheard, hozier

♡ released march 22nd, 2024

♡ extended play / EP

♡ best songs: too sweet (i adore this song.)

♡ running time: 13 minutes 59 seconds

super real me, illit

♡ released march 25th, 2024

♡ extended play / EP, debut! ♡

♡ best songs: magnetic, midnight fiction

♡ running time: 9 minutes 36 seconds

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 BEE'S TRACKS: TOP 10

♡ 10. my world, illit

girly girl song!! i've been obsessed with illit's whole super real me album, their debut is soo good oh my gosh. its criminally short but i seem to have listened to it a lot !! 😭

♡ 9. we can't be friends (wait for your love), ariana grande

i have SO MUCH to say about this song but it resonates with me so much in so many different ways and i just. oh my god. ariana i love u so much

♡ 8. we got so much, le sserafim

k so i initially didn't really like this song but... it's grown on me. a lot. since it first came out. um. it's pretty simple honestly and it's just really girly girl it makes me feel like a school girl i love it

♡ 7. this is what makes us girls, lana del rey

girlblogger anthem!! okay confession i did not get into this song until LAST MONTH. i know. it's terrible and i am ashamed i am so sorry. but i have formed such a strong emotional attachment to this song its crazy i adore it

♡ 6. imperfect for you, ariana grande

exposing myself pt.3 i was in a really big depressive slump for like one half or more of this month actually and this song helped me so much i can't 😭 i love you ari

♡ 5. the boy is mine, ariana grande

(are you noticing a pattern here yet) um another ariana grande song no lol um idk what ur talking about haha 🥰 this song is so twerkable im sorry i wasnt a fan at first but im obsessed i need to stop

♡ 4. smart, le sserafim

no words. once again wasn't a huge fan originally but oh my god im obsessed w it now. afrobeat type of songs are, will, and always be top tier and i will die on this hill. (i've been SO OBSESSED with le sserafim lately but i think thats fairly obvious here😭)

♡ 3. eternal sunshine, ariana grande

i adore this song oh my god. its become one of my favs of all time since it came out. this was on loop for HOURS when i first heard it and its such a comfort song for me. it shows her growth so beautifully and there's so much about it i just absolutely adore like i could write a whole essay on this song and still wouldnt be able to express how much i love it

♡ 2. magnetic, illit

illit was bound to pop up here again this month tbh ok so me and my bsf were listening to this on loop the entire time at school a little after it came out like we were sitting in the front row of our class and were still watching the magnetic mv under the desk on her phone. so in love with this song it makes me so happy n feel so cute i ahh <3

♡ 1. supernatural, ariana grande

SUPERNATURAL IS THE SONG EVER. first day it came out i listened to the album and this was on loop constantly for the next week or more. it's made it up to my top 10 fav songs of all time ever and i listen to A LOT of music. this song is my life<333

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ALBUMS

♡ 1. eternal sunshine, ariana grande

fairly self explanatory. i love u ari. there was soo much ari this month bc ive been a diehard ari stan since i was 8 and have never looked back. since yes and released in january i have been ecstatic about ag7 releasing in march after 4 YEARS of no ari so this was MONUMENTAL for me 😭😭 THE DROUGHT IS OVER ARIANATORS RISE 🩷🩷🩷

♡ 2. super real me, illit

so basically the day this album came out my best friend was spamming me about them and i only listened to them like 2 days after cuz she was annoying me about it and OH MY GOD. i listened to them and then proceeded to loop the whole album for the next 72 hours 💗 and for a debut as well is amazing ily illit girlies

♡ 3. with you-th, twice

so i wasn't much of a fan at first bc they just sounded really similar and bland to me but its grown on me a lot since it came out and i've been listening to it so much throughout the entirety of march. its just so oddly comforting in a way and feels like a hug in music form (+ rush and bloom are the best songs argue with the wall)

♡ 4. easy, le sserafim

self explanatory. i'm obsessed with le sserafim at the moment and this album is everything to me. ass shaking album 10/10

♡ 5. k-12, melanie martinez

i have been revisiting one of my fav albums of all time this month and its as amazing as always. this has been my favourite album of all time since it came out and i will never ever get over k12 🩷 10000/10!!!! <3

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ARTISTS

♡ TOMORROW X TOGETHER

♡ TWICE

♡ LANA DEL REY

♡ LE SSERAFIM

♡ ARIANA GRANDE

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 SPECIAL MENTIONS

♡ happy 1 year to portals by melanie martinez! oh my god this album helped me through all of 2023 and i went to see her on tour in london for my birthday last november and it was surreal. she's amazing. i adore her and this album (i have it on vinyl hehe) and love it SOO MUCH 💖

♡ expect ordinary things by ariana grande to be high high on my top 10 next month its been on loop for days now im obsessed

♡ there's going to be a LOT in next month's issue seeing as 2 of my all time favs are coming back next month, so prepare for that! so excited ahh <3 (one has already released at the time of writing this. prepare urselves.)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 EDITOR'S NOTE

this was SO FUN oh my gosh. i am 100% making this a regular thing~ lmk if it was entertaining, improvements needed, artists / albums you'd like me to keep up with etc, or just general comments, ideas, reviews and so on. thank you so much for reading, this was so fun! look forward to next month 💗🫶💖

lots of love 💘

[neptuniadoesstuff]

The gremlin is here & she's all done.

I'm finally done with drawing the gremlin (aka my Sona Nep).

& Yes, Nep's now a demiprince named Noir. (Although Noir is more of a nickname than a real name)

Im just not sure if I can consider this as a TES ver of Nep bcs uh... TES doesn't rlly have pastels, & Nep does have a cotton candy pallete afterall-

Info (that I copy & pasted off screb)

|| Name: Neptunia "Noir" Lynnette | Age: 15 | Gender: Female, She/Her | Height: 5 ft | Pride: AroAce | Occupation: Demiprince but "fulltime" artist | Likes: Pepperoni, drawing, sleeping, being alone | h8s: Being near ppl (mainly ppl she doesn't like), Being annoyed by others, ppl stealing her food, pickles, drawing hands (me) & waking up ||

Bio?:

"Noir" was a girl born under a deadric prince & a mortal woman, her "father" was the daedric prince of madness, but despite that she was actually the most tolerable child bcs her brother was.. a complete moron but we don't talk about him-

In the shivering Isles, she has her own demiplanes created by her "dad" which is only accessible if you go to the Isles, but for the most part, she just vibes in that weird basement inside the demiplanes that she built bcs she wants to be alone. She does, however, have a caretaker who originally was a random theif who was stealing her pepperonis, so uh.. yeh she taped him to the wall of her basement for like 5 weeks until she released him under the cost of him working for her as a caretaker, which he obliged (in fear of course bcs bro's in the frikin shivering isles).

Anything like headcanons & fanart are allowed as long they aren't weird bcs she's technically my sona & she's a minor.

Character: Neptunia "Noir" Lynnette (Mine)

Art: Mine)

Program: IbisPaint x

Bubs' TOS: Plz don't repost/steal, trace, or recolor my art WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! If you do, I'll take yur femur and pelvis.. SO, DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! (The PNS on my Blog's pinned project clearly means "Please No Steal" plz follow that rule.) If you do post my art on anything like yur blog or somewhere else (With my permission) PEASE CREDIT ME!

[s-arrynight]

UH are we allowed to ask you questions? Cause I have questions on. The Sillies. (Kinjo and Yuki) Like what are your thoughts on their ship? I see you draw Kinjo with DRA Yuki and the real Yuki and I want to know what you actually think about them.. feel free to go off about it but if not you can just delete this hdshhsd

oh yes of course!!! and i do wanna talk about it, gosh i really haven't elaborated my piece about them yet since this is an art blog n i felt a little annoying when i blow up a tag, THANK YOU!! !!!

I also don't see many people talk about post-sdra2 either. this take, im gonna be minty fresh

kinjomae analysis

DRA Yuki

Canon-speaking, Kinjomae was deliberately called back to in both games. Tsurugi fills the role of the queer survivor in dra the way that Yoruko blatantly does in sdra2 (and the protagonist dies) except, it's less obvious as a main couple because of the way linuj writes, and it also doesn't fit the way some people see stereotyped mlm characters.

Kinjo's entire life is a trauma that is so oriented on staying alone, being alone in his suffering and his profession. He particularly killed the men closest to him, (Teruya, Kouhei, threatening Utsuro, and even his father) and seeing those people die around him leaves him numb. I feel like the Yuki of the first game is another unhealthy contributor to the sad cycle of his life, but ALSO remains to be his biggest savior. Kinjo and Akane are the only characters of DRA to have both 5 free-times, their bond has always been THAT highlight level of important.

DRA Yuki tears into this unhealthy string of Tsurugi's life by literally preventing the one time he felt alone the most. In Yuki's perspective, Tsurugi is such a strong figure but still trusting himself to lean on him, it solidifies both of them and forces them to develop their situations even when Utsuro rips through the Yuki facade. They were partners in crime unknowing that one of them was a criminal, omg, they were the dear rabbit, the along came a spider, the jane and john doe,,,

Tsurugi mentions he can't trust anybody but Yuki, Tsurugi gives Yuki a pass at trying to murder him despite his rigid moral. (not without a punch or two, but impressive.) and when Yuki is on the outsides he is the connected peacekeeper to Kinjo VS. Everyone Else. They are there to hold eachother's hands so they can still reconnect onto the border of the group. Like, the way Yuki shouts main character philosophy in chapter 4 at him while he's fighting everyone else brutally at the dinner table, and once again in chapter 6.

(Teruya, then fulfils this goal of reparation with Rei after they leave the killing game, but not on the mental stability side.) Tsurugi is seemingly independant and incredibly uncontrollable due to his detachment, and yet Yuki is able to have a significant part of influence over his life; as well as the deceased Kisaragi pre-killing game.

Yuki IS and will always be the exception to him and no matter how hard he tries to escape it, it follows him till the remainder of his character arc. In the same way, Tsurugi was the kickstarter to Utsuro's new mindset too. It's the "You can't pull the trigger cause you love me", cause that's what Utsuro-Yuki is to Tsurugi. Utsuro may be the most vile villain in the world to somebody who even considered assisted self defense to be a crime on first thought, and then he STILL proceeded to not take that final shot. He didn't hesitate blowing Mikado up, who arguably wasn't the first source of despair.

anyways i think dra yuki-utsuro/tsurugi are integral, important, and good to know your hizstory

he wants me i want him, we went out, then we (YukiUtsuro) DIED!! /ref

Yuki

Tsurugi would move on to be the worst man to cope in the existence of the franchise, and probably hardly ever move on after the death of DRA Yuki. If Yuki was truly dead he'd have two funerals for his two guypals, and spit on Utsuro's grave pretending not to like him. Plus that bad ending where Tsurugi just wakes up in the middle of the night in cold sweat shows what would sort of happen, he thinks about them too much. However,

Yuki was still a concept of a person who existed in the world. He's not gone, he's just someone in a different form, and still is inside the memory of Kinjo's mind that remains deteriorating. He's like, the same dude but he's in the clutches of EVIL!! and he hates evil. (Kinjo seems to catch onto Mikado's plans early on and then it only amplifies in his duty to stop Utsuro and find Yuki.)

Tsurugi's defeatist attitude to fail saving Teruya and Yuki was very much a falsetto because of the Omake 2 and I truly believe Rei was right that this was their agreed purpose.

The real Yuki has none of these shared moments that Tsurugi can look back on together, but if it was just the memories he wouldn't have acted so patronizing to Utsuro. He's affectionately looking back on the person that Utsuro was, which was just Yuki Maeda. Did Homura Akemi decide to go back in time for 10 years just so Madoka could share moments with her?? Absolutely not, and the same goes for Tsurugi Kinjo, who ran an entire organization which later adopted the name of the goal. As Mikado joked, it's "the love of your life" but it's in the most unconventional messy, dictatorial, and murderous way.

Kinjomae absolutely drives the narrative forward on Yuki's side of the story even if it's significantly relegated mostly to the end. Imagine your entire existence leaning on a few people you can't even remember, but they remember you? One dude sacrifices a guy, one girl sacrifices her body. With Tsurugi's final decrees of (semi) unconditional care for you, you finish the trial with this one-sided trauma bond and a promise to keep the survivors safe. Sora takes on all the karmic debt of Divine Luck, and peace returns in an ending that isn't really elaborated on.

ur now a fugitive awesome trans guyboss with superpowers, and you're just absolutely bawling out of your mind at this point. some blue haired dude in a wheelchair is going to die if you don't help him out with your sora-luck.

nobody talks about this enough but this is THE PERFECT set-up for a postgame friendship to develop, not only are they both survivors, this is the genuine Yuki who isn't hiding apart of an Utsuro disguise. He's alive but now in the body of someone Kinjo despised,,, he hates Akane, he refuses to acknowledge her. he loves yuki. But Yuki remembers her fondly and has to take care of the body, but he probably hates himself. not to mention the INTENSE guilt you would get from feeling anything in it or the dysphoria of even wearing/not wearing the clothes she is??? sdra2 so evil?? soruko died so kinjomae could slowburn.

There's nothing Yuki can do now but go on his quest to potentially get along with this man who is homo-erotically trauma bonded to him and got a whole-ass person killed in the process of ending Utsuro and finding the true Maeda., He also has to go atone to Yoruko and the rest of the gang. as you can see i like kinjomae i think they are a foundational element in the story of dra.

unrelated thinking

their suits are completely black and white i find that silly they match

my partner and i did a voiceover of their final freetime one time cause we were feeling quirky.

[pinkpicket]

What is blocking your success?

Mfs be ready for typos bc I haven't reviewed this 🤡

Choose an image starting with pile 1 to 6 from left to right.

Pile 1

Wow okay so remember how the society and capitalism constantly screams in our fuvking face telling us the reason why we're not successful? How u don't work hard enough? How u should actually be waking up at 3am to hustle bc that's how billionaires do it? Well that's fucking bullshit so get that shit out of ur mind. U genuinely think bill gates and ms kylie jenner hustled day and night to get $7.25 an hour? No baby they did not. So leave that mindset, it's stupid and it's literally damaging u. My advice would be to actually relax and spoil urself instead of shitting on urself for needing 9 hours of sleep. Baby i will be honest with u, as long as u treat urself harshly the universe will treat u the same. So give urself some love and relax, u deserve it.

Pile 2

Ya u need to stop thinking about relationships and dating and actually start planning and shit bc guess what? Shit needs planning it dont just happen out of thin air. So sit ur ass down and write down a plan and change the plan 74747 if that's what it takes for it to work out.

Pile 3

Communication. Baby u really lack the ability to properly communicate and persuade others. Trust me i get where u r coming from, people are fucking annoying but in this society we have to basically learn to stfu at times and not be honest bc truly that's what everyone does. So keep ur thoughts to urself and form relationships on a superficial level ( be detached ) just so u can progress in ur life and career. Remember people's ego are fragile so dont fuvk up ur life with being unnecessarily harsh and honest with ur words, be diplomatic and suger coat that shit till it turns so sweet they get hooked.

Pile 4

Whatever direction ur heading toward rn holds no success. So u wanna be the hermit and find urself? That's great but in this fucked up capitalistic society that wont bring u success. I genuinely hate to say this but spirituality is not possible with success ( materially and career wise at least) for you ( this is just for u bc others actually require to be spiritual to be successful). Also it's time for u associate and talk to people more, being an introvert is a big disadvantage for you, so go out, make friends and soon u will find success. Group work will bring you success.

Pile 5

Enough of planning, it's time to work. Dont just sit around and expect great shit to happen only bc u manifested it ( remember saturn rules everything material in this world, so if u want a successful career with good money, u gotta go by saturn's rules which are being disciplined and hard work) dont relay on shit that people from tiktok snd tumblr tell u to do "all u have to do is manifest by this technique" and not do shit?? Baby that's not how real life works. U work and u get what u deserve ( at least for u this is like this, hell manifestation might work for others but for u i see this as a different case)

Pile 6

Baby ur tired and i know, i truly see u worked hard and nothing happened. It's like all that hard work was wasted but relax now bc something big is coming. Baby u r getting what u deserve, idk when but it will come. Honestly im genuinely soo happy bc u truly deserve this. So what's blocking ur success? Nothing. Whatever it is, it will come at the right time.

Okay bye uglies. Hope u liked this NOW FOLLOW ME BC IM LITERALLY SO HELPFUL AND PRETTY 🥰💕

[scattered-winter]

potential AU with fun facts (haha funny story this is actually an AU i'm writing I need ideas lol)

BOM!Keith runs into Lance, Hunk and Pidge who are searching for a supposed superweapon in an attempt to defend themselves from Alteans and Galrans that are trying to find the colony that humans fled to after Earth was destroyed

Keith thinks to himself "wow these guys are annoying and weird I sure do hope I never see them again" before the Blades immediately order him to find the Lions to keep it out of human, Altean and Galran hands

AHLSKDGOUSDJGLKSDHG THATS SO REAL. im actually SO fascinated by this concept i would love for u to tell me about it sometime 👀👀

but the things that immediately come to mind for ME are as follows:

i'm assuming keith is still half human, so maybe there'd be a part of him that is curious/fascinated by these other humans right up until the point where lance opens his mouth. and then keith is like hmm no thank u

so i'm taking a wild shoot-in-the-dark guess and saying (at least for the purposes of answering this, idk what u have in mind for this) that instead of being destroyed the alteans fought back and so the war is mostly between altea and the galra ? and earth was caught in the crossfire ?? in which case if I was doing something like this i would want a lot of focus on both sides of the conflict because something about me is that i LOOOVE political intrigue. if allura is the leader of the alteans, how long has she been leading? what mindsets and attitudes does she have as someone who is leading her people in war? if she's searching for voltron to try and beat the galra to it, but she didn't spent 10,000 years in a cryopod and thus doesn't have the connection to the lions that she has in canon, how is she going about the search? are there breakoff groups of alteans, similar to the blade of marmora? etc etc. this isn't really a Fact per se it is just things my worldbuilding brain is immediately jumping to when presented with some of these concepts. i am genuinely obsessed with this i NEEEEEEED to know more about this au ,, pleas ,,

so if this au is kind of humans vs alteans vs galra, i imagine things would be.....interesting once team voltron (comprised of all three) got together. especially if the garrison trio now have personal stakes in the war (their planet was destroyed and their people are being hunted) because i think they would be much more serious about it right off the bat. there could be a Lot of struggling to trust each other shenanigans afoot

i can already SEEEE the klance arguing scenarios. if keith (doesn't want to be there) is forced to spend lots of time in close proximity with lance (planet was destroyed by this guy's race) it would be SO DELICIOUS..........i love their rivals to lovers thing but if its more like enemies starting out ??? incredible fantastic no notes

if keith grew up in the bom (one of my FAVORITE aus to mess with btw) then if it were me doing an au like this i would put soooo much bom culture in it. i love alien cultures i love worldbuilding and most importantly i love crying about it. xox

send me a potential au and i'll tell you 5 things i would do!!

[anti-dazai-blog]

how do you deal with hate? like from what I understand, you posted your first "controversial" post knowing that people might hate you for it, and you did so anyways. even tho it might have felt like you were the only one who believed those things at the time. where do you get the confidence? cause honestly that was such a slay.

Like, obvi we all have our own opinions and I don't agree with everything you said but the confidence you had.. grrrr i like it so much 💗💗 i love it when people are real with their opinions.

okay ty, im sorry for rambling, gonna stop here now 😭😭

I really want to play it cool and say something like “I just don’t care what people think of me,” but honestly? Yeah I was terrified of posting my first BSD-related post.

I had been enjoying the BSD fandom from afar for about a year before posting anything about it. I’ve always had this personal pet peeve when (fictional or real) bullies get a free pass to be assholes when they’re conventionally attractive, but that applies to all fandoms, not just BSD and not just Dazai. 

(Note that that’s not a moral stance, there’s nothing wrong with liking a morally grey character, and there’s nothing wrong with finding a bad (fictional or real) person to be physically attractive. This pet peeve of mine stems more from how (fictional) bullies who aren’t attractive are seen as the biggest evil unleashed upon the world, while fictional bullies who are attractive are seen as The Ideal Boyfriend)

One day I saw a post pointing out one of the things Dazai did that bothered me, and I really wanted to add to it via reblog, but I was concerned I’d derail the original post, so I screenshot it and wrote a whole follow-up rant. 

Then I saved that post in my drafts for three days.

I posted something vague like “I really want to talk about this one character from this one fandom, but the fandom is very aggressive and they’d burn me at the stake if I said anything too controversial”

I don’t think I intended to explicitly tag it with anything searchable, but I must have said something like “#yeah this is about bsd those guys are scary”— apparently that counts as tagging it #bsd by tumblr’s standards, and someone from the bsd fandom (who I’m now mutuals with) responded with something like “most of us are nice! We wanna hear what you have to say!!” 

That was enough motivation for me to get that post out of drafts, and even then I didn’t post it immediately. I scheduled it to post for a time when I wasn’t home, so that if there’d be backlash I wouldn’t have to witness it live and I could just delete the post later.

Not only was there no backlash, but hardly anyone saw the post. Iirc it got between 3-5 notes. That was what gave me the confidence to continue talking about my (admittedly controversial) fandom opinions. 

My main blog is primarily a Shakespeare/Classic Lit blog, and the online fandom for those things encourages controversial opinions (as opposed to the standard anime blog, where it seems like posting controversy is a taboo). So once I had the confidence to interact with an anime fandom in the first place, it wasn’t too hard to post my controversial opinions, because that’s the internet culture I’m more used to.

As for how I deal with the hate, you’ll be glad to know there’s only one person on this entire site who sends (bsd-related) hate. If you’ve received any hate, it’s from her. So while I have received hate messages (everything ranging from “your blog sucks” to graphic suicide bate and murder threats), knowing it’s all from the same person makes it all pretty meaningless. Everyone else on tumblr just blocks what they don’t want to see, either by blocking blogs they’d like to avoid or by blocking tags for subjects that annoy them. 

Since I tag anything that speaks of Dazai in a negative way as “#anti Dazai,” I don’t often run into people who don’t want to see negative character analysis who’ve discovered my posts accidentally.

If you want to post about something, go right ahead! The people who enjoy the content you make will follow you, and the people who don’t will block you, and everyone will curate their own tumblr experience to make this site something we can all enjoy. Admittedly if the fandom you’d like to post to is bsd, you WILL get harassed by that one person, but everyone else in this fandom has gotten harassed by her too. We mostly just ignore her at this point. 

Posting controversial opinions to fandom spaces can be scary, but if you have something you’d like to post, go for it! I personally would recommend starting a side blog for it, that way if things really do get out of hand you could delete it easily without losing your tumblr account. But the most likely outcome is that it wouldn’t gain enough traction for anyone to be overly bothered by it. Controversial things are more often ignored than hated on.

(For context, I’m referring to this blog too! I’m a tiny little blog. So please don’t interpret that as some veiled insult, I’m in this group of “tiny controversial fandom blog” too)

Anyway. Best of luck to you!! And remember, the point of posting things is to have fun! If it’s causing more stress than enjoyment, there’s no shame in taking a break or logging off for a bit. I’ve taken multiple breaks, and I only post to the Anti-Dazai Series when I enjoy what I’m posting. 

[Also. I absolutely love controversial fandom opinions, especially if they’re well written. It doesn’t matter to me whether or not I agree, so long as it’s a cool or original take on the source material. So if you wanna dm me, I’ll definitely follow you and your blog full of all your hottest takes]

[bbmgirl]

how do i know if im my teacher’s favorite?

1. They give you GIFTS!! books, food, pencils all that stuff. I can assure you, no teacher just hands out books to students (unless the book is required for their course, obviously)

2. They SHARE PERSONAL INFO! If they tell you where they live, the latest family gossip or even stupid things like the new toy they bought for their pet or how annoying traffic was when they were going to get food.

3. This might be a reach but when they use swear words in front of you. none of my teachers cuss in front of students, not even him, except when we’re alone. That man is potty-mouthed! And he knows it, cause whenever he says the f-word he comes closer to me and whispers it…naughty!

4. They talk to you about other students, especially if it’s a tiny complaint. “This guy so used chat gpt for his essay…” Or “Come take a look at this, she did great huh?” when talking about someone’s homework.

5. They “annoy” you, playfully of course. Most of my teachers are kind and respectful, but this man, my god. He’s gonna mess with me till all my hairs fall off. They might do things like making silly little jokes about you in front of the class/ in front of other students followed by a wink, or even a tiny laugh.

6. They let shit SLIDE! I’m telling you, i do things to him that he’d never let others get away with? Came late without a pass? Eh, no worries…Didn’t do your homework? You’re good, take your time. Cussing in from of them? Oh they love it.

7. They recommend “inappropriate” shows/movies/books (mature humor, violence etc etc basically all the stuff teachers ARE NOT allowed to even talk about with students) HEAR ME OUT! you know you’re your teacher’s favorite when they recommend a show they’ve watched because it reminds them of you, or they think you might like it. Even if it’s like…the most out of pocket tv show there is.

8. They are genuinely interested in your personal life. They might ask you things about it and even remember things you told them a while ago to make conversation.

9. Again, interest in knowing about you/what you like is a big part of the deal. if your teacher lets you speak about things you WOULD NOT talk to with a teacher (A celebrity crush, for instance) And they engage and they laugh about it and it’s all shit and giggles, they like you.

10. They let you borrow their stuff. You need their computer real quick? Sure log in. You need to make a call and your phone’s dead? Use theirs! You’re cold? Take their jacket…I kid you not, i know this sounds OUT OF A POORLY WRITTEN FANFICTION, But this man has let me borrow his jacket TWICE!!! such a gentleman <3

[intertexts]

SEASON FINALE TRIVIA !!!!!! this includes 23 and 24. i hope youre having fun :)

- yakko does the intro and says "welcome to just rolled with it the show after the show where we talk about how awesome i am :)" and hes right for that

- JUST GENERALLY PRAISING YAKKO FOR HIS PERFORMANCE AS ASHE. grizzly goes "i honestly forgot you were a guest player i just want you to stay here forever now"

- bizly and yakko the night before they recorded this episode were up late thinking about just . goofy scary things for the trickster to do. like what if the floor is lava but REAL. what if his ARMS GOT LONG. shit like that

- BIZLY WAS GETTING EMOTIONAL DURING THE SCENE RIGHT BEFORE ASHE FULLY TURNS INTO THE TRICKSTER. which is HUGE because its a running joke in riptide that bizly never gets emotional during character moments and grizzly is like. the big crybaby about it. polar opposites of the getting emotionally immersed in roleplay spectrum

- grizzly: "i know out of character we had to leave ashe here because it works for the story and also youre a guest and cant stay forever but in character, dakota would NEVER do that willingly. if circumstances were just a little different i think william and vyncent wouldve had to physically drag him out of there" :(

- OVERLORD WAS NOT ORIGINALLY AN ALLIGATOR. HE WAS NOT AN ALLIGATOR FIVE MINUTES BEFORE HE WAS REVEALED . OVERLORD BECAME AN ALLIGATOR THE MOMENT BIZLY SAID ".... i gotta do it"

- yakko: i kinda feel bad that i just one punch deleted the big supervillain thats been hyped up for the whole season

grizzly: no, look. we've been joking for like 5 episodes now about how our characters could never beat an alligator. and we were right!

- "it took a god to beat a gator" "i feel like youd see that on the front of a church in florida" "whats a king to a god. whats a god to a gator"

- condi: "hey! so the beginning of the episode! pretty wacky! remember when we fought whirlwind?"

charlie: "no. no i dont."

- grizzly: "i almost find myself sympathizing with the villains sometimes because we're just so annoying"

yakko: "every villain we've gone up against is just thinking 'man, these kids are LOSERS'"

- grizzly: "i genuinely never want to speak to mark again"

charlie: "if he breaks out of prison i will go to every length to put him back in. i hate him. i hate him so much" THIS WAS LITERALLT UNPROMPTED?!?!?!?!! WHY DO THEY HATE HIM SO MUCH. FREE MY MAN !!!!!!!!!

- when they first got into the room, charlie condi and yakko thought thetubes were gonna open and 4 regular gators were gonna come out to fight them. grizzly thought it was gonna be wavelength betraying them with the other lieutenants (AGAIN. WHY ALL THE MARK WINTERS HATE. I DONT UNDERSTAND)

- QUICK BACKSTORY RECAP BY GRIZZLY. basically verbatim to how hes saying it.

vyncent: is from another world. looked up to an adventuring party. (condi: the important part was the whole "monsters that dont look like monsters" thing)

william: theres a bunch of ghosts spirits monsters in deadwood and he and his friends were investigating them until one day he followed a wisp into a forest and fell down a hole and died and came back as a wisp and now all the monsters and ghouls are out to get him so he had to leave deadwood so his friends and family wouldnt be in danger (charlie: well when you put it like that it sounds so much lamer)

ashe: had a trickster book and the trickster killed his mom. idk why he thought that was a good idea. actually, when you got possessed by the trickster the first time, howd you get him back in the book? (bizly: theres more to that story you guys havent learned yet so im not gonna just tell you. you have to figure that stuff out in character)

- dakota: (from charlie this time) uhh your parents died and you take risks and jump off things and then one day a girl jumped off a thing with you and you grabbed her but then also died like william wisp because we like falling off of things and getting superpowers apparently so you fell off something and got superpowers and then you left the hospital before they coukd tell you anything and you ran into the woods where you met a strange old man that taught you how to fight stuff i guess (grizzly: i never actually wrote what happened to the girl in my backstory. bizly: because you wouldnt KNOW)

- dakota adrenaline junkie........ (grizzly: its worse now because he has powers and he can do all the things he used to and MORE. and SURVIVE)

- they all believe tide was mind controlled from the time he went to talk to whirlwind by himself after they beat him. bizly says he misspoke and described some things wrong, tide wasnt actually mind controlled until they were actually in the building. he kept rolling saves for him and every time he just rolled like garbage so he never broke out of it

- its a 2/3 split on how theyre planning to react to the heroes. vyncent and william are bitter about it because neither of them are used to living in a place with a lot of heroes so they dont know how all of this is supposed to work. theyre angry that the heroes never showed up when they needed them and the one time they actually do come its just MINUTES too late after their friend had to basically sacrifice himself to save them instead. dakota, who grew up in and around the city basically worshipping superheroes, doesnt understand why theyd be so angry.

- the reason overlord knew they were coming is because the gunman from the whirlwind fight got away. he instantly came back to overlord and told him to expect pd soon because they beat whirlwind

AWESOME TRIVIA FOR THESE!!!!! holy shit... trickster the floor is lava but real ^_^ horrifying thanks!!

ALSO REAL. THIS IS YAKKOS WORLD WERE JUST LIVING IN IT!!! genuinely probably i would have figured out the setup in 24 so much quicker if i hadn't just. Forgot ashe was a guest. i was like yeah man four of them. he just lives here now. i wonder what theyre setting up for because i dont think some big setup for one of the main pcs 2 have an insane sacrificial moment would happen!! ^_^;

I LOVE THE WIWI STUFF. fucked up x files gravity falls ass hybrid. head in hands. ALL of the backstory stuff actually esp. vyncents which is still the vaguest shit ever. shaking himmmmmm why is there an adventuring party in ur brain !!!!! head in hands.

[menalez]

ur so quick to fight any radfem around here but when men are being awful. crickets.

you've got txttletale whos a guy living in the uk,claiming to speak for woc and palestinians. with the most racist and misogynist takes rn cause he equals hamas to arabs and says the rapes are made up. no callout post? no harrassing him?

you've got lesbophobic TRA creeps like white guy animentality who will reblog literally anything with the largest number of notes,just so he can promote his book. the worst trash who uses people's real suffering to virtue signal and make money. no callout,no harrassment.

i'm not a zionist. israel is far worse and has been committing horrifying war crimes for decades. i think the focus should NOT be on what hamas did 5 days ago but on the bombing of gaza and all the people being killed there NOW.

but u know,literally can't reblog any palestine support post because they are all made by these misogynistic losers.

i expected at least the radfems who are qualified to speak for palestine,like u,would try to expose these men and shut them down.

but no,i guess you only stick to harrassing other women for no reason,like you did with ms gay frogs not long ago. that went on for so long and you had so many receips. and i realized I NEVER SEEN you fighting any MAN like this. i can't take you seriously any more.

the first blog u mentioned is a blog i have blocked (who also has me blocked), the second blog u mentioned i’ve literally never heard of in my life.

i literally do not associate with men. i tend not to even bother wasting my time having discussions with them. i follow like 1 gay guy and that’s it. my blog has little to do with men beyond discussions of male violence and their misogyny and things of the sort. i’m not sure why you’re expecting me to go out of my way to *look* for men on tumblr to criticise, it’s not like my blog praises any of them. i already expect them to be awful and beyond helping.

i do associate with women and so if i see something questionable from women i practically associate with, i criticise it. i’ve criticised the “TEHMs” on here before for being misogynistic, and i’ve talked about the annoying men that orbit this side of tumblr but im not gonna go out of my way looking for random people on other sides of tumblr either. i already know the men over there are awful.

also the thing about ms frogs is such a lie lol. i criticised her politely in like 3 posts, it was one incident on one day, and that was it. it’s interesting u want me to look for random lesbophobic men outside of radblr to criticise but to overlook lesbophobia within radblr if it’s perpetuated by women (bc if i don’t overlook it, it’s actually harassment). is lesbophobia only bad if the person is someone i wouldn’t agree with overall?

[kiss2012]

putting the rest of my skam thoughts under the cut cause i have so many

im now 100% sure i originally stopped watching s4 after episode 5 LOL which was kinda real of me cause this season was umm a mess

i do believe s1 and s3 are masterpieces. s2 and s4 on the other hand have…some issues

still haven’t reached a verdict on s2 and now it’s been a while since i finished it and so all i will say is that my feelings r still complicated

that being said vilde’s kinda an icon for saying “what if william’s a psychopath who killed noora”

why is yousef going to turkey.

i think yousef not being muslim is a really good plotline i just wish it had been given a proper amount of focus. because i dont want sana to compromise her beliefs obviously. but at the same time im sitting here thinking as a muslim i love islam but i dont agree with lots about it and i dont think that makes you a bad person necessarily. but i do think yousef goes to turkey and regains his faith and converts back for sana ❤️ because they are true love ❤️

penetrator chris does not deserve a damn clip all to himself

vilde coming through in the end for sana is really so <33 wish there had been MORE FOCUS on their friendship in this season…

WHY IS JONAS DATING EMMA. FUCK THAT

JULIAN DAHL REF!!!!!

penetrator chris texting jonas for advice about eva is fucking hysterical

MAGNUS SAYING PENETRSTOR CHRIS IS HOT

JONAS SAYING EVA IS UP HERE WHILE HE’S DOWN THERE SO TRUE BESTIE

i don’t have anything against eva and penetrator chris even if i vastly prefer eva/vilde or eva/noora but im an eva and jonas truther to be honest. i will forever wish jonas got a season to himself that ended with them getting back together

ISAK AND PENETRATOR CHRIS S2 FORBIDDEN ROMANCE TAKING DOWN YAKUZA BESTIES REF

magnus making fun of william is so real

even’s clip is perfect no notes. i mean yes notes because ideally this season would have focused more on even’s relationship with sana and the balloon squad and his past. but anyways.

WHY DOES WILLIAM GET A FUCKING CLIP

ok i think william’s clip is quite sweet actually BUT i don’t think he needed one or if he was going to get one THE REST OF THE SEASON SHOULD HAVE FOCUSED ON SANA

eskild saying he and linn think noora is much better than william and aren’t his biggest fans ❤️

mikael is so damn fine…

not sara and ingrid pulling out the “not even water???”

PLAYING LOVER WHERE DO YOU LIVE OVER PENETRATOR CHRIS AND EMMA IS RIDICULOUS. THEY DONT DESERVE THIS.

k if it’s playing for eva and jonas & sana and yousef as well that’s acceptable.

the show starting and ending with a speech from jonas 😭😭😭😭

having finished all of s4 i think that i am…glad i finally watched it all? there were a lot of good parts about this season but even if the end of episode 8-episode 10 made me satisfied when i reflect on what happened before that i get so irritated.

i really love episode 10, but if it was going to happen this way then all the other episodes should have been far more focused on sana. for me rather than wrapping things up episode 10 instead emphasizes that there’s way more story to tell here and that there should have been 6 seasons…but whatever…

i think this season did a lot of good & what im most glad about is that it avoided the whole western stereotype about muslim parents & sana’s family was great. if we could cut out half the noora stuff, develop sana and yousef further, GIVE YOUSEF SCREENTIME, give jamila more screentime also, pick up the dropped storylines about elias, have the girl squad actually interact (and have sana interact with chris and eva and vilde not just noora…she and noora are obviously close but why tf are there like no scenes of sana talking with the others alone), have the balloon squad and even properly talk, have even explain things, have sana and even interacting, remove half the annoying russ bus stuff, remove that terrible terrible sara plotline, and follow through on the ideas present in the first 4 episodes of the show. then. this could have been a really great season. as it is i have my criticisms but i did cry and i do love them. sana <3

[wifegideonnav]

well i… finished act 5 act 2. gonna have to rewatch cascade a bunch of times and probably read the act summary on the wiki but i have officially reached the end of the act

still enjoying it a lot but it’s getting harder and harder to read. summing up a rant i gave my friend, i’m not super in love with the sense of predestined futility - or more accurately, i don’t feel that the narrative has properly addressed that yet and justified why i should be reading about these characters who were like 100x doomed from the start.

there are so many characters and so much happening that nothing is lingered upon, which is nice pacing-wise but not so nice emotional-impact-wise. i also think the “everybody dies a bajillion times and it’s fine until all of a sudden it’s not” thing works against it in a sense, especially when the narrative doesn’t stop to mourn anyone who’s actually dead, bc by the time you realize hey wait maybe like. vriska or dad or feferi/nepeta/equius etc are dead for real it’s been like 200+ pages and you’re like well ok. what do i do here exactly.

and i know that that’s an intentional choice hussie made for how he wanted to craft his narrative - im wishing for things that he deliberately chose not to give. im not trying to say that these choices are flaws in his writing, just that as an audience member i tend to prefer the tlt method of dealing with death, where one main character dies and then the entire next book is about another ripping herself apart because of it.

im not giving up by any means, or even saying that this is what’s dominating my reading experience. like i said im still enjoying myself and appreciate most of the creative decisions that hussie is making. it can just feel very draining i suppose, watching these characters i’ve come to care about - almost all of whom are literal children - fighting so hard so futilely, and so far, imo the narrative hasn’t paid that off. however, with that out of the way, here are (some of, bc this shit was long as hell) my thoughts on the act, more or less in order:

i have literally no interest in johnkat. probably partially bc my friend is so into davekat that ive been conditioned to just wait for that to happen but also bc they have no chemistry. sorry to any johnkat shippers out there but idc it’s boring

i have slightly more but still negligible interest in john/vriska. probably bc i… don’t really care about john. sorry to any john stans out there but idc he’s boring

karkat and terezi sharing a keyboard to argue my beloved

rose my beloved. but also. sweetie :/

vriska my beloved. but also. SWEETIE :/

kanaya my beloved. you’re doing great no notes

oh yeah dave and terezi manipulated the stock market. still don’t 100% understand that but whatever good for them

yeah ok the dream bubbles. christ. like ok i GET it but they’re still annoying

i love jade’s dynamic with karkat she really goes from “teehee im just a silly little girl haha” to “im going to eviscerate this motherfucker”

bec prototyping himself was genuinely such a good reveal

is it just me or is john's power like. way lamer than the other kids' lmao. like it's still cool, def better than nothing, but come on

not too much to say abt the exiles but i love them

also with all the fucking timeline bullshit that's going on i literally can't wait to reach the end and reread with the uhsc mod that lets you follow a specific person's timeline. i canNOT keep track of what's happening when for who

it is literally so funny that vriska has been the cause of jade's narcolepsy this entire time. like wow girl you really took the opportunity to be a massive dick to her huh

LET'S BE SANTA

frogs. ok sure. why not.

fuck doc scratch all my homies hate doc scratch. i will say though. he is a fantastic character.

holy shit eridan and gamzee snapping and killing like everyone. that was buckwild what the fuck. not gonna lie idc that equius is dead, and nepeta, feferi, and tavros were never my faves. but got damn it sucks that they're dead. (ostensibly. still not one thousand percent convinced)

sad karkat :(

murderous kanaya :D

WV "DRIVING" AHHHH

oh god the ancestors. sorry but i simply do not care about that shit. like i know that they're actually relevant but. :/

also i don't like the trope of chains of events being echoed across generations. like damn get your own plot. also it ties into that determinism and futility that i'm grappling with

i will say though. mindfang mentally thanking redglare for taking her arm because then her battle against his honorable tyranny because it made it "a fair fight"? hot. i'm brave enough to say it.

aradia is cool as fuck. i wish we got more of her/her personality

aradia's ancestor is also cool as fuck. sucks that literally nothing she did to resist her fate worked or mattered

the scratch stuff is genuinely interesting narratively/in terms of a plot device. again it still sucks that the beta kids aren't actually going to get to win the game themselves. like i assume they'll be talking to/guiding the alpha kids but like. god it's so unfairrr i bet there'll be angst about this

rose going grimdark is so fun. also LMAO john trying to chat with her in that flash game portion

TEREZI god i love her. sucks that she killed vriska tho bc i love her and also i ship them. oh well murder is not necessarily a roadblock to them getting together. troll romance sure is weird. i have hope in my heart.

vriska isn't dead forever bc no she isnt <3

the betty crocker shit. is funny. and also stupid as hell.

SAD KARKAT :((

ok i guess the stuff about karkat's ancestor and the history of the troll race is kinda interesting. whatever.

everyone's in love/hate with gamzee all of a sudden?? literally why. troll romance sure is FUCKING confusing

that was a pretty anticlimactic climax to the gamzee situation, gotta say

cascade was confusing as fuck i don't have thoughts on it yet

so yeah that's it! if you're still reading, why? let me know what your thoughts on act 5 act 2 were when you read it, or your thoughts on my thoughts lol. just pls no spoilers for anything past cascade!!