#so it'll all be up in a very short amount of time!

[honeydazai]

୨୧·࣭࣪̇˖ 𝆬  sharing a bed with them 𓏸

feat.: Dazai, Chūya, Ranpo, Fyodor, Nikolai, Sigma

content: pre-relationship bed sharing, flirty/mildly sexual implications

It's truly unfortunate that, while on a mission for the Agency, you have to share a bed with DAZAI — or so you think, at least. He doesn't share the sentiment in the slightest, instead smiling as innocently as possible the moment his gaze falls onto the single bed in the hotel room booked for the night. While he pretends to offer you the bed, he'll guilt-trip you about the couch being way too short for his long legs and about his back already aching until, eventually, you give in and share it with him.

Naturally, he gets into your space more than necessary at night, pretending he's asleep while cuddling close to you, given how, then, you can't cuss him out for wrapping an arm around your waist and burying his face in your neck, breath warm against your throat. It's worse that he knows if you won't get any amount of sleep whatsoever, much too busy with fighting off arousal while he's pressed flush against your back.

“Hm? No, it's alright. I don't mind taking the couch. What kind of man would I be if I let you sleep on there? Still, it's just — it's way too short and hard. Couches this uncomfortable shouldn't exist, really. I doubt I'll be able to get even a wink of sleep tonight, what a shame.”

When there turns out to only be one bed in the hotel room you're supposed to stay in for the night, CHŪYA doesn't even hesitate before offering you the bed, immediately going for the couch instead. He won't accept any protests either; no matter whether you're worried about his comfort or just think it's polite to refuse his offer, he won't allow you to spend the night on a sofa. He's not making a huge deal out of it and, if you keep being annoying about it, he gets more and more exhausted by the minute.

Eventually, he might give in to the idea of sharing the bed. He has no trouble keeping to himself — or so he believes, because, once he's actually asleep, softly snoring into your ear, he's moving wildly, one leg eventually thrown over your body, arms stretched out. If you mention it to him in the morning, his cheeks flush soft pink.

“Hm? The fuck you mean, you'll be taking the sofa? Definitely not. I'm already here — and I don't mind. Go lie down and get some sleep. We've got a busy day tomorrow.”

RANPO, the very moment he steps foot into the room, decides he wants the bed to himself. The idea of taking the couch doesn't even cross his mind; instead, he makes his way over to the bed all too quickly, though, when you end up either glaring at him or asking him to share, he just shrugs.

Really, he doesn't make too big of a deal out of sharing a bed, not even seeming a little nervous at the idea of lying down beside you for hours on end. Meanwhile, at night, he cuddles up close to you — actually asleep, unlike a certain someone —, arms wrapped around you, for once completely unaware of you being all flustered because of him. In the morning, it'll be like nothing happened, even though you can't quite stop thinking about

“What are you looking at me like that for? I said we can share. If you're hoping to have it for yourself, tough luck. I was here first, just saying. Just get in or move to the couch already, I'm tired.”

All of FYODOR'S decisions are based on logic; this one is no exception. If the bed is large enough to fit two people, it's large enough for the two of you to share — though, if you feel like taking the couch instead, he won't protest. That's your decision to make, after all.

While actually sharing the bed with him, it's basically like you're alone in there, anyway. He doesn't move when asleep, doesn't make a sound; it's all too easy to imagine he's not even there, even though, occasionally, a dark strand of hair might brush against your face. What you don't know, however, is that he, at night, while you're fast asleep, he takes the time to watch you up close, lilac eyes tracing over every plane of your face.

“I do not mind sharing the bed with you. I hope you feel similarly. We both are adults, are we not? I doubt this will be an issue. Just lie down.”

NIKOLAI is undoubtedly amused by the idea of sharing a bed with you. He doesn't waste a single thought towards either of you taking the sofa instead; nonsense, just why would you do that? There's a perfectly fine bed right there, and surely both of you are mature enough to share one without any issues, right? Wrong.

He makes a point of being as obnoxious as possible, cuddling close to you the very second you lie down. It doesn't help that he's both tall and strong, his arms closed around your waist so you can't even try to get away or up, and he makes a point of whining whenever you attempt to squirm away. It's going to be a long night.

“What's the matter? Why are you moving so much? Stop it, I won't be able to fall asleep this way. Or — ah, are you trying to rile me up on purpose? That's naughty of you, sweetheart.”

SIGMA immediately makes a beeline for the couch the second he notices the dilemma of having a double bed rather than two separate ones booked. He won't even discuss the topic with you; he doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable or forced to sleep on a sofa, so he'll do it instead. There's no whining or guilt tripping from his end; he simply accepts his fate for the night. There's worse things to endure.

If you're incredibly serious about convincing him, however, he might just give in, even though his cheeks feel a little warmer than usual when he lies down next to you, making sure there's an appropriate amount of distance between the two of you. If there's anything he doesn't want, it's you thinking he's trying to be creepy after you've decided to trust him — he probably ends up barely getting any sleep, just because he's worried about accidentally getting too close to you.

“Are you sure you're alright with this? I really don't mind spending the night on the sofa instead. ... Well, if you're sure — thank you.”

NEW POST AGAIN FINALLY AA my commissions are open, by the way!! dm me if interested! 💜

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[w2soneshots]

Reunited -W2S

words: 1.0k+

warnings: none.

summary: after not seeing your boyfriend for months you surprise him during a cheap vs expensive sidemen video.

notes: hello loves! Here’s the request💓. This is really fluffy and cute. I hope you enjoy!!🌺🫶🏼

For the past few months I've been in New York working on a very important deal for my company. Meaning that I haven't seen Harry in a long time. We facetime every night but it's obviously not the same and I really miss him. Thankfully though I have a week off and was planning on going back to the uk to surprise Harry but it turns out that he's going to be shooting for the sidemen abroad. So I decided to text Josh; since he's organising the whole video.

Josh and I made a plan. Harry was going to be on the good team for the cheap vs expensive video so I could surprise him at the destination instead. I loved the idea and he thought it would be great for the video. Tobi and Ethan will also be there along with Harry, which will be nice since I haven't seen them (or the rest of the boys) in ages.

I packed my suitcase and headed to the airport. When the plane landed I got in a taxi that took me to the villa. I said hello to Josh and the crew who were already there and Josh showed me to my room so I could freshen up since the other boys would be arriving in just a short amount of time.

Once I'd gotten changed into some more appropriate clothes for the hot weather, I went downstairs. "Hey." I sat down next to Josh, in the huge living room. He smiled at me, acknowledging my presence. "So, how are we gonna do this?" I asked. "Well, I thought you could just be standing there when they arrive. Harry's quite oblivious so I think it'll be funny since it'll probably take him a second to spot you," He explained. I nodded with a chuckle. "They should be here within the next twenty minutes." He added.

I was almost shaking with excitement and nerves as I waited. When the van pulled up outside a wide smile spread across my face. Me, Josh and the crew stood at the front door. The boys jumped out of the car and my heart practically skipped a beat at the sight of my boyfriend. We've been together for a year and are completely in love so not being with him twenty four seven has been torture. I couldn't wait to hug him, feel his lips on mine and see his cute little smile.

All three of them walked up the concrete path and when his eyes met mine he stopped in his tracks. His mouth dropped open in utter shock. "y/n! What are you doing here!" Ethan and Tobi walked towards me with excitement. But I barely noticed them. Harry finally clicked back into reality, he quickly ran towards me, wrapping me in a bear hug. My eyes fluttered closed, savouring the moment. "Hey." I whispered softly. He sniffed. I could immediately tell he was getting upset but that he was trying not to embarrass himself in front of all the cameras.

As we pulled away I smiled at him, tears forming in my eyes that I'd been holding in. "How are you here? What-" he stumbled, his voice cracking. "I managed to get a week off work and when I realised you'd be filming I thought it'd be a fun surprise." I answered him. "So earlier when you didn't answer me-" "I was on a plane." I cut in. The boys let us have a moment so stepped inside and began filming the boy's reaction to the massive villa.

Since there wasn't anyone watching Harry brought me into a soft kiss. "Fuck. I missed you so much." He whispered, our lips just millimetres apart. "I missed you too Haz and I really missed those lips." I joked. He chuckled. "You look so beautiful." He complemented, looking me up and down. "So do you." I winked at him with a cheeky grin. His eyes sparkled.

They finished filming the video and we all decided to get in the pool. Me and Harry headed to our shared room to get into some swimwear. I grabbed a bikini from my suitcase then quickly slipped it on. I turned around to see Harry sat at the end of the bed staring at my body.

I cleared my throat. "Sorry." His eyes flickered back up to my face. I giggled, walking towards him and standing between his legs. His hands immediately landed on my hips. "Come on, everyone's waiting." I slid from his grasp then walked towards the door, he quickly followed.

I sat with my legs dangling in the pool as I spoke to Tobi, telling him all about my time in New York. "So how long have you got left out there? The parties are a lot more boring without you." Tobi asked. I smiled. "Thankfully I'm completely finished next month and I can come back to the uk, all of my coworkers are at least forty and have kids so there's no gossip, no parties, basically nothing fun. It's so boring." I replied.

"Harry's been in such an awful mood since you left. I bet he's so excited for you to come back." He added. I felt slightly guilty but Harry had been assuring me that he was okay every time we'd called.

After having some dinner everyone said good night and left for their bedrooms. Me and Harry shared a quick shower to wash the chlorine off of our bodies. Both of us were exhausted and boiling so we put some underwear on and slipped into the king sized bed. Harry wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into him. He let out a soft, content sigh.

"I was speaking with Tobi earlier and he said you'd been struggling, are you sure you're gonna be okay without me for another month?" I asked. He moved so he could see my face. "I'll be okay. It's just been weird coming home to an empty apartment every day." "I know. I feel the exact same, it's so lonely in New York." I replied softly. He kissed my forehead. "One more month." He whispered. "Mhm. Just one month." I echoed.

[enwoso]

Could we pls have more sunshine/Grumpy reader I love x child reader. Maybe reader is sick and alessia brings her to training just thinking she’s not feeling too well but she starts being sick and alessia is stressed out but it’s just fluff with all of the girls

SICK BUG — alessia russo x child!reader

*part of the grumpy/sunshine universe once again<3*

navigation

today was the conti-cup final in wolverhampton, arsenal v chelsea and alessia would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. this was her first chance of silverware since joining arsenal this season. and she would love nothing more than to lift that trophy at the end of today.

but she also had someone who she had to worry about more which was at the end of the day a lot more important than the cup trophy, that being you.

for the past few days you had been poorly, alessia was hoping that you were going to be feeling better however it was probably the opposite. last night had been a particular rough night as you had been awake for most of it. as if you weren't crying cause you were too hot or too cold, you were crying cause you were coughing and spluttering your lungs up.

alessia spent most of the night drawing shapes on your bare back trying to get you to get at least some sleep along with herself before you would wake up again. the blonde was sure she only got an hour and half of uninterrupted sleep.

when the sun did finally come up, and it was time to get up - you refused covering your face with your blanket, your mum having to carry you down the stairs and sit you on the couch giving you some breakfast which you just nibbled at.

clinging to your mum as she tried to get ready in the short amount of time she had, just before leaving alessia gave you some medicine which was a battle in itself.

"lovie, open your mouth please" your mummy pleaded, as you moved your mouth away from the pink liquid on the spoon, "it'll make you better!"

"no, it taste yucky" you whined, pushing your mums hand away from your mouth making sure that you kept your mouth sealed shut.

a few pleads later and with a bit of a bribe that your mum would let you pick a new toy, you finally caved and had the yucky pink medicine. pulling a disgusting face as the spoon entered your mouth.

the medicine did the trick and eased your illness as well as making you sleepy, as before your mum even had a chance to get you ready for the day you had fallen asleep on the couch — the cartoons playing in the background.

alessia managed to get ready and get onto the arsenal coach that was taking the team to the stadium all with you still asleep.

"a bit early for her afternoon nap is it not?" kyra teased, as alessia huffed sitting down placing your backpack along with her own on the floor.

“don’t kyra”

normally alessia would have laughed or had some remark to the comment but instead it was met with a grumble and a shake of the head as she dragged her hands steph smacking the young australian on the shoulder her as she grumbled holding her shoulder.

"i take it she's still not feeling very well?" steph asked cautiously as alessia hummed shaking her head, as she looked at the two australian who were sitting in front of her.

"no, i think last night was her worst night - she slept a solid two hours" alessia commented, looking towards you moving the blanket from your upper body as your cheeks where starting to go red knowing that if you weren't cooled down you would wake up crying cause you were too hot.

"oh less, are you not tired?" steph said slightly worried for the blonde considering she was going to be playing football soon, not wanting the girl to be overly tired.

alessia hummed, "and then my mum was supposed to be coming to watch her while the games on but her stupid trains been cancelled so she can't even get here!"

"well i'm sure one of the girls who aren't starting won't mind watching her, she's not a bother" steph smiled as for the first time today so did alessia, thanking the girl as you both fell into a bit of small talk.

however you interrupted the conversation, small cries coming from you for "mummy" identical to the ones that alessia heard this morning.

the blonde picking you up from where you were laying on the coach seat, leaving your blanket where it was as you were beginning to burn up as alessia soothed you by rubbing up and down your back as your cries quieted down. your head tucked into your mummy's chest.

the coach stopping a few moments after, alessia knew you were not asleep as you were still twirling the ends of your hair in your fingers an action you did when you were trying to go to sleep.

“lovie? you gonna get down so we can get off the coach?” alessia said, not really asking you more telling you as she peeled you from her chest, placing you on the floor as a few complaints came from you.

“come on the lovie” your mummy said softly holding out her hand for you to hold, her other arm holding her big pink bag which had both everything you needed but also everything she needed.

“where everyone?” you asked, the rest of the team already gotten off the bus, you and your mummy being the last ones off. at you neared the front of the bus, you heard mummy said thank you to the driver before helping you down the steep stairs.

you jumping off the last step, a small smile finding your lips as you walked in front of your mum her telling you which way to go.

“you have a nice nap?” mummy asked as you nodded, “yes, i had a dream” you said so innocently, your mums eyes widening intrigued on what it could have been.

“you had a dream? what did lovie dream about?” mummy cooed, as you giggled a little pausing as you hummed thinking of your dream. “having a pet unicorn when i older” you admitted, walking the corridors of the molineux stadium.

your mummy chuckled a little at your dream, as you continued to tell her about the fantasy of your dream, how you lived with your unicorn in a big candy land.

“you can come visit too!” you cheered as alessia opened the door of the changing room. you finding your mums stop spotting her name on the jersey.

as she put her bag down sitting on the bench, scooping you up onto her knee everyone else around her beginning to get changing into the warmup kit.

as she began to rummaged around in her bag for a tissue for your runny nose. “that’s very sweet of you” your mummy smiled finding the pack of tissues which had peppa pig on the packaging after you demanded them ones in the shop just like you did with plasters any time you fell down and scraped your knee.

you were adamant that the ones with the pictures on made your knee feel a lot better than the ones that were just plain and boring, alessia knew it was just because they had a picture on them and they were colourful that you liked them — no other reason.

alessia wiping your nose as you moved your face further away from the tissue, slipping off your mums knee and sitting on the bench moving so you were snug in the cubby hole picking up your ipad beginning to watch some cartoons on it.

“your here tiny!” you heard a thick irish accent coming from above you, looking up and seeing katie smiling down at you as you nodded in response to her question.

“where were you on the bus?” katie asks, usually you were all over the place moving from one person to the next it helping you to fill the time in especially on away day trips that were long.

“napping, i still poorly” you say a small cough coming from you as katie nodded, “oh yea’ your ma did say something about you bein’ sick,, how you feeling?” the irish girl asked moving to sit beside you as you venture out of your cubby hole you had been in for the past ten minutes while your mummy was getting changed into her kit.

“otay, got a sore throat” you frowned, katie frowning with you — it was sad seeing you so down with an illness usually you were buzzing around the changing room about the football, no matter whether it was games at arsenal or england. win or loose you loved watching each and every match.

“you not repping the arsenal jersey today?” katie pointed to your pink pyjama top, as you shrugged not even knowing if you had it with you.

“mummy!” you yelled to the best of you abilities with your throat hurting, alessia fixing the edges of her hair with a tiny brush which she called the magic brush as it helped to get all your baby hairs into place.

turning to face you with a smile she nodded for you to ask what you wanted, “where my arsenal top?” you asked now wanting to put it on, especially now that katie had put the idea into your head.

“i think it should be in my bag-“ she said putting her tiny brush down and picking up her bag, you peering over her shoulder watching intensely as she dug through the bag looking for the small red jersey.

“it’s not here, oh i must of forgotten to pick it up — sorry lovie” your mummy looked up from the bag, seeing your bottom lip begin to tremble, guilt consuming her as she mentally screamed at the fact she had forgotten it.

tears beginning to fill in your blue eyes but you didn’t know if it was because of the fact you didn’t have your jersey to wear or that fact your head had started to hurt again. a big rush of emotions filling you.

“lovie, it’s okay.” mummy said hoping to squash the situation, you still trying to navigate how to cope with any big emotions you had.

katie moved from her seat on the bench next to your mum, kneeling down in front of you “tiny, dont worry about it, would you like me to go and see if i can get you a arsenal scarf to wear?” katie asked hoping it may help to soothe the situation, while it wasn’t as good as your jersey it was at least something.

you nodded as mummy rubbed you back to soothe you while mumbling a ‘thank you’ to the irish girl, katie rushing off to see if she could get you the scarf as some of the other girls came over trying to cheer you up a little.

minutes later, katie returned a red scarf in her hand as well as some little arsenal flags. a big smile on the irish girls face as she kneeled down like she did moments before hand, handing them too you.

“what do you say to katie?” mummy whispered in your ear as katie put the scarf in your lap while handing you the flags.

“thank you katie” you sniffed, your eyes a little red from the few tears as katie smiled.

“anything for our favourite little gooner!”

liked by katie_mccabe11 and 641,527 others

alessia even being ill won’t stop her from watching her team🥹

comments -

katie_mccabe11 our little gooner❤️🤍

1h 153 likes     reply

-> alessia forever!

leahwilliamson glad to see she understands what’s the right part of london!!

1h 212 likes     reply

-> alessia i don’t think she would have it any other way

stephcatley favourite little fan forever!

1h 140 likes     reply

[meownotgood]

under the influence / hayakawa aki

When Aki gets dragged to the most popular strip club in Tokyo in hopes it'll help him "de-stress", against all odds, you help him do just that. In return, he finally cures your itch for something more.

CHAPTER TWO — PINK LEMONADE MIMOSA

pairing: hayakawa aki x fem!reader

word count: 75.3k

tags (for this chapter): 18+, aki is a virgin, reader is a stripper, strangers to lovers, literally so much smut, semi-public sex, body worship, hand job, blow job, multiple orgasms (from both parties), orgasm control, fingering, creampie, virginity loss / virgin kink, cumplay, overstimulation, riding, doggy style, missionary, reader is shorter than aki, reader has nipple piercings, reader has a bit of experience, lots of praise + teasing + dirty talk (giving and receiving), switchy aki, reader is touch-starved and has had shitty relationships in the past, the smallest hint of coercion (reader convinces aki to do it without a condom, he's into it tho), the smallest hint of bloodplay (reader bites aki's lip so hard it bleeds, he's also very into it)  

masterlist.

read on ao3

this work contains explicit content intended for 18+ individuals. please read the tags and do not interact if you are a minor.

You're finally starting to realize just how far you've come since this night first began. 

Aki Hayakawa has grown from a stranger who's name you fortunately happened to catch on his ID, to a man you've grown closer to than you ever could've expected. In between it all, your relationship has morphed into something you can't even begin to put your finger on. It's something more — much more — than what you were to each other at the start, that's all you know. 

In the short time you've spent together, after everything you've both been through and after everywhere this has gone, what your heart holds for him is nothing you've ever felt before, not for anyone. You aren't used to a softness this genuine. You know he isn't, either. This could blossom into more, for the both of you, if you're foolish enough to let it. 

Maybe that's exactly what you're hoping for. 

Truthfully, this scares you, almost. There's an ache in his shape gnawing at your chest and begging for more, for a closeness and a sweetness you didn't know you could crave. For the deliberate tenderness he's already given you a taste of, and the spark in your system you've felt since minute one; the kind you only get when you know you're alive. 

And really, as crazy and unpredictable as this night has been, it's not like you didn't see this coming. You did, and you didn't. 

Of course you knew most of what you'd be getting into, no matter how innocent you tried to play. You can't drag a handsome devil hunter to the club's private bedrooms and still expect nothing to happen. You knew he'd be inexperienced, and when it comes to this, you figured he'd be timid to the point where you'd have to show him the ropes. You knew that, but if it meant getting closer to him, you were fine with it. More than fine with it. The only thing you didn't know was the true extent of his naivete. 

You're not upset, not disappointed. Not mad or disgusted. Not any of the things he might've assumed you would be if he'd worked up the guts to tell you himself. After all, it's just sex. 

No, if anything, you're amused. You're excited. You might be wrong. Maybe you're jumping the gun. Either way, you can't get your heart to stop pounding. Fluttery and eager and incessant in your ears, your chest feels hot and your head is light. When you place your palm onto his cheek, he's burning up, as warm to the touch as you are. The intensity you've felt in the minutes past comes rushing back to you in waves. 

He must have the wrong impression of you. He's wrong, if he really thinks whatever amount of inexperience he has would make you care about him any less. 

Perhaps Aki is far from what you first expected out of him, too. If anything, you could have never predicted this night to turn out this way with him, not one bit. The sex, maybe you saw that coming. But the feelings you have towards Aki as you've come to know him? Never. 

He needs this. For once, you want him to let go, to forget. You're going to give him a gentle taste of love, of a world more divine. Now that you think about it, you've needed this too. 

You're greedy for neglecting everything else to be with him, common sense and the rest of your job. You shouldn't, not when you know once you have him, you aren't going to be able to let him go. But who is going to blame you? 

This is the most entertained, the most relaxed and comfortable you've ever been in the entirety of your time working here. Aki is a tenderness worth holding close, he isn't calm or collected at all, he isn't what he shows on the surface. He's soft and he's scared, he might seem composed but he's no more experienced than any of the strip club's regulars, he's sweet and kind and perfect and he's so — 

"You're so dramatic." 

"What?" 

A pin drops; Aki's expression turns to confusion, his brows knit up with a slight yet unmistakable tinge of annoyance. You're starting to laugh and he stares up at you expectantly, wide-eyed. 

The grin you give him nearly takes his breath away. Playful and purely ecstatic, tugging at the strings of his heart without even trying. You aren't taking him seriously, but that's alright. That's a relief. 

"Stop," You half-heartedly push at his chest, "You don't have to be so embarrassed. It's not like I'm judging or anything. I wouldn't do that." 

His voice has already regained its usual steeliness. It feels good to hear. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"You've never had sex before?" 

"I…" 

Ah, you've got him. And you aren't wasting any time, you're ripping the bandaid off right away; whether it was the brazenness of your words, or whether it was because he didn't expect you'd find him out so soon, your question takes him off guard. His shoulders stiffen up, a telling heat blossoms from under his cheeks. Everything caught in his throat, thick and blistering, he can't speak. He glances up towards you, and even without a proper answer, the look on his face tells you all you need to know. 

So, you were right. 

"Aki, what's wrong?" 

He's really starting to lose his composure. Aki's face is red from his cheeks to his ears and even though he can't see it, he can feel the way the flush travels even further, across his chest and beneath his collar. He tries to sit up but it's no use; he's blocked by your firm palm on his chest and your weight in his lap. 

Aki groans, flopping back, covering his face with both hands. "This is stupid." 

You carefully grab his wrists and guide his hands away, and he keeps them limp, moving them without a fight. 

"You're the only one who's stupid." You counter.

Aki visibly pouts. "Let me up." 

You won't. You think you'll do the exact opposite, actually. Aki opens his mouth — to spout another protest is your best guess — but you shut him up with your lips on his, before either of you can find out. 

Immediately, he chokes out a surprised sort of noise, vibrations muffled by your mouth, but then he's relaxing, tilting his head to the tune of your own. Thumb and forefinger grasping his chin, you kiss him softly, intensely. Aki lets himself melt into it, his eyes closing, fingertips grazing your cheek as he kisses back. The world stops turning for a few fleeting seconds. When you pull away, he's calm, his eyes are deep, hazed over. He scans your face, he waits for you to say something. 

"You're way too serious." 

Aki blinks, eyelids heavy. He wishes you'd quit the embarrassing talk, and simply kiss him again. 

Your tone is quieter this time when you tell him, "None of that is a big deal to me, you know? Quit acting like it is." 

Your gaze is difficult to keep meeting. Aki looks past where you sit on top of him. He glances down towards the end of the bed, where the sheets have grown untucked and messy from what he can only assume is yours and his fault. A couple seconds go by, and then a few seconds more. Your finger taps his cheek. He doesn't reply. 

You scoff, but it's unconvincing. This time, your fingers drift down, skating either side of his neck. The rosy-purple marks flushing the surface of his skin look prettiest when they're underneath your fingertips. 

"What do you want me to do?" Earnest and tender, your words recapture his attention. "I promised you I'd give you whatever you wanted, right? So tell me the truth." 

Aki glances towards your gaze, finally. He answers without skipping a beat, "Whatever you want to do." 

"Dumbass, I'm asking you." When your fingers start to trace underneath his collar you resist the urge to grab a fistful and shake him by it. To your disappointment, he looks away again, seemingly unfazed, but you don't miss how the bridge of his nose subtly crinkles. 

You sigh. "I just want you to be honest with me. Can't you do that?" 

"I don't… I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with doing." 

"Stop it. I want this, I wouldn't be asking if I didn't. And I want to do whatever's gonna make you happy. Whatever will make you forget about all those stupid little stresses you've got swirling around in your head." 

Aki's lips purse into a thin, taut line. 

His weight shifts as you fling your arms around him, elbows resting on his shoulders. You're continuing, "I want you to enjoy yourself. You deserve to enjoy yourself. Do you not think so?" 

Now, it's Aki's turn to sigh. He looks back towards you, expression softer than before. He watches with his breath caught in his lungs as you lean in, fingers toying with his hair but refusing to give him the satisfaction of running through. 

You're quiet. So quiet, so alluring it makes his head spin; "Tell me what you want Aki, tell me, and I'll give it to you. Anything at all." 

Anything. 

Oh, there's so much he wants, he's longed for more from you in this past hour than he's ever wanted for himself in his whole pathetic life. He hates this feeling and loves it at the same time: adores the addicting river of desire flowing through his veins, despises how it itches and claws at his chest until it aches. A desperate sense of need chokes up his throat, goading him to beg for things he never thought he'd be begging for. He hates that he wants to be cherished, hates how badly he needs to feel like he's sitting right in your soft spot. 

The feeling of want is a lot to contend with for someone who's barely ever wanted anything. When he was younger, he wanted his brother to get better, wanted his family to be happy. When he got older, he believed he didn't deserve to want for them to come back. 

"I- I think I…" 

This isn't as simple as you, or even as he first made it out to be. It could have been, but he's gone and made feelings for himself he can't chase away. Because as much as he's tried to be strong and composed and resistant, ultimately, he's weak. Weak and lonely, relying on you to fill in the blanks. Weak enough to fall for you when he knows he shouldn't, for your kind touches and even kinder words. Enough to crave more, more than he believes he deserves. 

Maybe that's alright. He can quell his shaking heart, he can pretend things are simple. Just for tonight, he supposes. 

You told him you wished for him not to think about work, or devils, or hardships. Or anything outside of this room and what's happening right now. He's always been the type to look towards the past and the future, never focus on the present. But for tonight, he thinks he should. He'll have regrets if he doesn't. And he's been through enough to know regrets are always worse than whatever comes before them. 

He promised himself he wouldn't hesitate. A half-hearted promise, really. It might be time to make good on that. 

Breath sharply quickening, Aki finally concedes, "I want to… Think I want to keep going. Like you said." 

"Yeah? You want more?" 

Your voice tickles the shell of his ear, you're right, but it's more than humiliating to have his own words deciphered and tossed back in his face. His eyelids are getting heavy. His chest tingles like fireworks about to explode, and his limbs go limp. 

"Yeah. I do." 

"We can take it slow. Take our time." Right against his ear, you whisper such sweet words, your fingers curl in the roots of his hair and the sensation is oh-so pleasant, "I want to make this about you. We can do whatever you're comfortable with, and stop when you've had enough. How does that sound?" 

"Good. That sounds good." Aki swallows, nodding. 

The mattress dips slightly as you shift, pushing back up again, palms flat on his chest to steady yourself. "Then I promise I'll take care of you. Okay?" 

When you look at his face, Aki's got his lips pursed up into something of a pout, he's clearly unsure or nervous or embarrassed, maybe a combination of the three. But regardless, he doesn't falter, he nods again. 

"Okay." 

"Don't look so nervous." You're sliding down slowly to give yourself more room, moving to straddle his thighs, "All you need to worry about is making sure you enjoy yourself. And if there's anything you're scared of, just tell me. I'll show you what to do." 

Aki exhales a steady puff of air. "Got it." 

Reaching up, you start by unbuttoning his shirt. You stretch forwards to pop the top-most button, then the second one down, then the one after that. Aki's thighs squirm slightly as your weight repositions on top of them. His gaze darts from your face to your hands, his vision going blurry at the edges, and he breathes in deep to keep it refocused. 

Already, you're tugging his shirt from his shoulders and he's following along before he has a chance to think about it, pulling his arms from each sleeve. He sits up, allowing you to yank the dress shirt free from his back. You gently toss it aside on the bed once you're finished. 

You waste no time pressing your palms flat to his bare stomach. He flinches instinctually from the contact, but soon, he's melting into it. Your hands are surprisingly warm, even warmer as you start to glide them up, bringing them to his chest, causing him to relax and sink further into the mattress. Your thumbs brush over the faint muscles in his abdomen. You feel out the ridges of his ribs when he breathes in, the expanse of his chest, needy fingertips dip into the curve of his collarbones — Your touch spreads warmth and flickering sparks in its wake. 

Aki swallows the thick lump forming in his throat. His heartbeat rings in his ears like a church bell; you trace your fingers along a deep scar traveling the length of his shoulder. Your fingernails tickle the surface, and he's expelling a nice, deep sigh, closing his eyes as he gives himself up to you. 

That's it. You're whispering, voice quiet, only a figment, See? No reason to be anxious. I've got you. 

It's your job to make people relax, isn't it? Yet Aki still finds himself wondering how you got to be so damn good at it. 

You trace his arms in the same way you did once before, palms traveling up each one. You squeeze his shoulders, massage them a little until he's sighing, going down further to hold his waist, thumbs rubbing the faintest circles into his skin. His figure is as handsome as you were expecting: thin and stronger than he looks, muscle in his back and his shoulders, pale skin scattered with long, faded scars. Aki looks down — You're shifting back, leaning in. He sucks in a breath of anticipation, he sees you press your lips to his stomach, and feels you kiss right above his waist line. 

Again, you kiss closer to his side, you go upwards to place one over where his sternum would be, and then a kiss on his shoulder, one onto his throat — he's shivering, his eyes are closing. You press one on the shell of his ear, one over a mismatched scar on his chest. Each touch is rippling water: trembling, echoing. 

He can hardly handle this; you're leaving kisses over all the places no-one has ever touched before, no-one but you. No-one but blood and bruises and devils. There's never been room for anything this soft. 

He feels like he's dying. Dying and coming back to life. Or perhaps both, simultaneously. It would be nice if he could feel exactly like this when he dies. 

You're so pretty, Aki. 

One hand rising to cup his cheek and tilt his head upward, the other dips lower, fingertips snaking underneath his slacks to barely brush the waistband of his briefs. Aki almost doesn't hear you. His eyes go misty, and he thinks for a second he just might cry. 

You really are so soft, treating him softer, safer than anything he's ever known. He was supposed to be keeping things simple, but when it's this easy for you to tug at him, he finds it impossible to keep his brain from scrambling into a complicated, wound-up knot. 

You're still going, dragging your hands down his sides. His skin tingles, your fingertips caress every one or his scars, each of his little insecurities. How long has he waited, needed to feel this, without even knowing? How long has his heart eaten away at itself, desperate for something just like this? 

"You okay?" 

Your hands have frozen, he realizes. The familiar sound of your voice, louder than before, brings him back to reality. 

"I'm fine." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah. I'm sure." 

You part his bangs, pushing them away from his eyes and tucking them behind his ears. You prop yourself up and lean your elbows onto his chest until they're close to digging in. 

"You know," You're saying, the faintest tinge of a smile tugging at your cheeks, "I feel special, getting to see you like this." 

Aki blinks, doesn't answer. 

"I wanna make you happy. You're important to me. I want to make you feel special too, Aki." Fingertips drumming a rhythm on his shoulder, your lips ghost the space between the corner of his jaw and his ear, "You'll let me, won't you?" 

You already have. 

With a dull sort of laugh, you double over, you wrap your arms around him; you understand you're getting cheesy, a bit too sentimental for your own liking. Your voice comes out as a deep mutter, breathed right against his skin, "I bet you've never felt like that before, huh? So special."

Like this? Like the world's stopped, instead of mercilessly spinning around? No, he hasn't. This is the first time it's felt as if everything finally makes sense. 

He knows it's fleeting. Aki doesn't want to think about what's going to happen when this is all over. He wants to think even less about how he probably won't see you again after tonight, how he won't be able to forget the things you've said to him, how he'll feel your touch linger on his skin for the rest of his time alive, and he'll end up cursing himself for not stretching out this moment with you for a few moments more. 

Returning to his same old job, the same old nightmare, only to feel that familiar lingering pain will be even harder to bear knowing the taste he's had of something softer. 

He takes a deep breath in, an even deeper breath out, and somehow manages not to tear up. He answers, "Not until now." 

"I must be doing something right then, huh?" 

Aki can practically feel your smile against his skin, swears he can almost hear it in your voice. You sit up, and that intoxicating grin is proven true on your face. Your hand cups his cheek and Aki, ever so pliant, finds himself leaning into your touch. 

"So-"

The moment's short-lived, because you're already tearing your hand away and breaking the silence; you scooch further back, and Aki watches, complacent. His heart skips to a steady rhythm in his chest. The ghost of your touch still lingers on his cheek, tingling and warm. 

"...You've really never done this before, or anything like this. Right?" 

Aki doesn't answer, figures it's rhetorical. By now, you've settled on his thighs, you're reaching down for his belt. He hardly notices. He stares at the shadows — yours, his — on the ceiling and allows his mind to spin. 

He's important to you. His head keeps coming back to those words in particular. Through your eyes, he'd like to see himself. Perhaps then, he'd come to treat his own well-being much kinder, gentler. 

You're already fiddling with the buckle. "Why though, why haven't you?" 

He merely shrugs, not having an answer. The gentle clink of metal on metal rings in his ears, and he tries not to pay too much attention. 

"You ever had a girlfriend? A boyfriend?"

Aki freezes up at that: stone cold. Though it's not like he has a reason to lie. 

"No. I haven't." 

Cute. God, he's cute. The professional little topknot devil hunter you found yourself so intrigued by is an innocent, goody two-shoes virgin. 

Carefully, you pull the metal pin from the hole in the leather, working it free. The buckle makes a satisfying jingle as you smoothly tug his belt from the loops in his slacks. Gaze focused down, you're talking while you work, "Ever been asked on a date? You're handsome, I can't imagine you never have. Do you always say no to that kind of thing?" 

Aki's voice is level. "I've had a few people ask me before. But I turned them down." 

"Why's that? Not interested?" 

Tilting his head, eyes narrowing, he fixates on the streaky paint job adorning the adjacent wall. 

"I guess not. I don't want to burden anyone. And I don't have time to go on dates, anyways." 

His belt is gathered in your hands and neatly set aside onto the edge of the bed. You hook your fingers in the empty loops of his slacks, you take a moment to feel the smooth fabric beneath your palms. No reaction. Then, you're toying with the shiny silver button on the front, you're popping it — and that gets Aki to suck in a nice, sharp breath. 

"A burden… How could you be a burden to anyone?" You ask him honestly. As you're pulling down his zipper, he props himself up on his elbows, and you're glancing up at his face; his brows are slightly knotted, he's looking away, he's still fronting his composure. His slacks go loose around his hips, and he presses his thighs together instinctively, holding them in place. 

Matter-of-factly, like he's reading off a script rehearsed a thousand times over, he answers, "I'm not good with relationships. And either way, I'm a devil hunter. Devil hunters die on missions often. It'd be irresponsible to get involved with someone. If I die, I'd only be burdening whoever I leave behind." 

"Lift your hips for me." 

At the murmur of your command, Aki does so, slowly lifting his hips off the bed, enough to allow you to pull his pants past the divots of his hips, down his thighs and his bruised knees, all the way until they're left pooling at his ankles. Your thumbs hook around his waistband, touch warm on his bare skin. He doesn't notice the way you're smiling to yourself; his boxers are a soft, blue and black plaid, so fitting for him. You're barely able to resist making a comment about how cute they are. 

"So you'll burden yourself, make yourself lonely to avoid hurting someone else," You meet his eyes, but for only half of a second before the creeping heat on his spine forces him to look away. "Just when I thought you couldn't get any more self-sacrificing." 

Trying to hide his growing nerves, Aki flexes his sweaty hands, "It's what I have to do. You'd understand more if you were in my position. If you were a devil hunter." 

What he has to do. There he goes again. All of the sudden, it's like you're back at square one, remembering how you felt when you first sat beside him. How you watched him shake and wanted more than anything to hold him until he was breathing again. 

You'll have him change his mind by the end of tonight, no matter what it takes. 

You scoff, "Is that so?" 

Your head tilts, fingertips drumming on his side, touch so faint he can hardly feel it. Aki steals a glance towards you. The hint of a smile on your face is indecipherable. 

"You aren't a burden to me." 

This time, he holds his gaze on you, he keeps it there. He couldn't look away even if he wanted to. His heart shouldn't skip in the way it does, instantly pounding and throttling inside his chest. You've barely said anything, but those simple, stupid words alone send him spiraling a mile a minute. 

Throat dry, hands clammy, he's about to muster up the courage to ask you if you really mean that when you're sitting up, sliding off of him, smiling warmly and laughing even warmer. "And for the record, I think you'd do pretty well on a date." 

He wants to, because boy does he feel awkward letting you ramble on while he stays silent, but Aki can't seem to figure out how he's supposed to respond to that, either. 

'Til now, a date seemed like such a foreign concept. The kind of thing his coworkers blabber about to pass the time. The kind of thing he'd only see in movies where the world isn't as complicated, and afterwards be left to wonder if it's anything like real life. 

Probably not. Life is never so simple. He shouldn't get his hopes up. A date with you might be nice, though. Your arm outstretches, your hand tightly grasps his wrist before Aki can mull over the rest of those thoughts. 

"Look, c'mere." You instruct, tugging him forwards, he follows along and you pull him until he sits up the rest of the way. "Sit on the end of the bed. Make yourself comfortable." 

So, Aki does. The mattress shifts as he shuffles to position at the edge of the bed with his legs hanging over. You let go of his wrist and you carelessly push his clothes onto the floor in a heavy heap to make more room for him. Your eyes lock with his, you're sinking down in front of him and — Oh. You're sinking down in front of him. 

The realization alone hits him nearly as hard as the sight of you below him. When you're down on your knees, you're forced to tilt your head, peering up at him through your lashes. Aki takes deep, steady breaths, they're shakier than he expected. He can't stop his heart from beating out of his chest, his gut from stirring with warmth. 

Just like that, he's finally out of his head. He was almost starting to forget what the plan was in the first place. 

You're giving him no time to rest either, already messing with the waistband of his briefs, hooking your fingers around while your other hand rests on his thigh and pushes them apart. He can hardly handle this; he's red in the face, he can feel beads of sweat prickle at the back of his neck and his forehead. You drag your fingers away, his waistband gently snaps against his skin, and as your palms work their way downward, smoothly gliding across his thighs, Aki shudders from the familiar, eager pang between his legs. 

It isn't even all that dirty. Aki covers his mouth with his palm, surmises he's the dirty one for already getting so worked up when the only thing you've done is get down on your knees in front of him. 

You rest your cheek on his inner thigh, you stare up at him with big, soft, wide eyes; you're so pretty like this, and he's so much taller compared to you, so much larger — You're the one beneath him but God, you're still the one with all the power. 

Aki is the one who's waiting with bated breath for you to give him something, anything. You've got him in the palm of your hands, and he's the one who would so easily turn the situation around at a single word from you. He'd kneel and beg for it if it's what you wanted, what you asked for him to do. 

Hopeless, he's always so hopeless when it comes to you, and every little thing you do to him only makes that clearer and clearer. 

"Nervous?" You coo, and Aki's quick to answer with a hasty shake of his head, denying. Your eyebrow cocks, "Yeah? You look nervous." 

"I'm not." Deep and weighty, Aki inhales, letting cold, sharp air enter his lungs. You keep your eyes locked onto his and he fights every urge in his system to tear his gaze away. 

"It's okay if you are." 

"I'm- I'm fine. Really." 

Sure, he might say that, but in the short time you've known him, you've come to learn Aki is the easiest man in the world to see through. He's more honest than he tries to be, you bet he isn't even trying to lie, more-so attempting to keep himself convinced. He isn't nervous, he can handle this. He'll be fine. All he has to do is trust you. 

"Are you sure you're ready?" You're asking, tone genuine, a flash of concern in the back of your eyes, "We can keep relaxing some more instead, if you want to. I wouldn't mind." 

And he does, he trusts you, he really, really does. That's why when you're asking him, even though his heart is in his throat, he's giving you a hesitant nod, he's answering with a quiet voice, "Yes. I don't want to stop." 

"Promise?" 

Aki swallows. "Promise." 

An ambient buzz fills the room when the air conditioner kicks on. The familiar smile returns to your face, now. Your fingertip trails nonchalantly up his inner thigh, it dips under his briefs, leaving goosebumps on his leg when it dances across his bare skin. 

"You aren't used to this, I know." 

You stretch that last syllable out until it makes him dizzy. Your bottom lip is pouty, tone sweet but pitying, "You've never had anything like this happen to you, huh?" 

Your thumbs brush his waistband again. This time, it really seems as if you're going to grab it and start to take off his briefs, in the slow, teasing way he's found fitting of you, but your hands drift right away. Aki lets go of his held breath and can't decide if he feels disappointment or relief. 

He grunts softly, he shifts. He stares down at your pretty hands as they softly squeeze his thighs, and he spreads them open a little wider on impulse. Quietly, he answers you simply, "Mhmm." 

"You're pretty smart though. I bet you knew this would happen all along." 

"It… Maybe. Maybe it could have. I wasn't sure what the hell you were planning." 

Despite your teasing, or perhaps because of it, he's still all tense, still shifting with unrest. He reaches up and presses a palm to his forehead, he feels the heat that's builded there, pushing the messy strands of hair away from his eyes. The slightest outline is tenting his boxers, fabric darkened around where it's damp. Aki breathes a long, shaky sigh, his eyelids flutter. He leans back on the heels of his palms and swallows, his throat dry, gasping from the effort. 

You murmur, "Never had anyone jerk you off before?" 

"Ah-" 

Instantly caught off guard, Aki feels his whole face get set on fire, his cheeks burn and his head goes woozy; blood rushes between his legs and he can't say anything, he can barely even manage the hurried shake of his head. It isn't the question, not you asking what he's done. It's the insinuation of what you're about to do. 

He stammers over his own tongue, trying to rush a response, "No, no that's- No." 

Leaning back a bit, he forces his posture to relax, his shoulders slumping. He stares down at you and doesn't care to fix his bangs when they fall in a sweaty mess around his eyes. 

Your slight grin turns into something more akin to a smirk. You've just gotta do a little dirty talking to get him into it. 

"Oh, yeah?" You tilt your head, your voice lilts in a giggly, far too innocent sort of way, "You're so sweet, I can't wait to touch you. You gonna let me make you cum?" 

Aki breathes an airy gasp, almost chokes, doesn't answer. How the hell is he supposed to answer that? His wrist pops when he flexes his hand too hard, he starts trying to speak but everything comes out in a stuttery mix of ah's and uhm's and eh's. He was red in the face from the very start, but now, it's so much worse; the tips of his ears almost hurt from how hot they've been burning. 

Thankfully, it doesn't seem like you were expecting an answer, because you're already peering up at him and continuing on. 

"I can touch you, can't I?" 

Voice as sweet and as smooth as spun silk, hands delicate and light as they skate the apex of his thighs, rubbing, then squeezing — If there was no hope of denying you before, Aki stares into your sparkling eyes and knows at this point, he's utterly done for. Not like he was ever planning on stopping in the first place. 

He gulps, Adam's apple heavy and bobbing in his throat. He gives you the go-ahead with a simple nod. His hips squirm and his body weight shifts back and forth as he tries to get more comfortable, ignoring the growing tension gnawing at his gut and aching in his lap. Carefully, your fingertips drag from his thigh to his waistband. Then, across to the other side, and then back again, ever-so teasingly circling where you know he wants you to touch, dancing around where he's starting to get fatter and needier beneath his briefs. 

The anticipation is worse than anything. Prickling at his neck, it bites down harder and harder with each passing second. 

Your voice chimes out louder than the perpetual ringing in his ears. "Tell me I can, Aki." 

Aki. His name sounded nicer that time than any of the other times you've said it before. Or maybe he's losing his mind. 

He is, isn't he? He knows he is, damn well. But he needs this, you're so sweet, he's been alone and he can't handle being strong anymore — So it's okay, right? It's okay to indulge, just this once? 

"You can," He says, he's breathless when he tries to speak, "Please, I need you to." 

He knows you can tell how badly he needs more, knows the way you're toying with him is on purpose. Your eyes never leaving his, the air trapped right in his lungs, you let the heel of your palm brush over him slightly, just barely. Almost like you did so by accident. 

But Aki knows; he gasps louder than he was trying to, even the smallest graze of contact has his head heavy, has him feeling himself pulse — and he's never felt that, never felt it ache so fucking badly before. He's a mess underneath his briefs already, and you've hardly touched him, hardly done anything more than tease. Yet still, he's dizzy, wound up and panting. You can tell how desperate he is, he's sure of it, but it's clear playing this game with him is your only concern. 

Each echo of his loud, staggered breathing is music to your ears. Your fingertips brush closer, closer. He fists his hands in the sheets, he grips them firm to try and establish some form of composure. The thick fabric of his boxers is impossibly tight around him, so wet and constricting, he'd go ahead and tear them right off if he had less self-control. 

But he's better than that. A little better, at least. Aki can play. He can be good, patient, compliant. He's put together enough to survive through your teasing, to keep meeting your eyes with the same eager, lust-filled flicker present in the back of his gaze as what's reflected in yours. 

He isn't good enough to keep himself from getting hard, though. He's insatiable, sitting heavy on his thigh. And once you bring your hand to him again, soft expression caught between amusement and adoration, once you're more deliberate — Your hand rubs the stiff outline of his cock through the fabric, he's warm and he's perfect, you love the way his breath shakes. Love how his lips part and his pretty blue eyes go glossy, like water frozen-over. 

Right then, Aki doesn't have enough strength to stop himself from gasping, from bucking his hips up into your touch to get closer. He huffs in disappointment the moment your palm travels away. 

His head slightly tossed back, he shuts his eyes tight, he inhales harshly and his knuckles protrude out from his hand when his grip tightens on the sheets. His hair is a mess in his face, every inch of his skin is tinged rosy, warm to the touch. You've barely started, you've barely touched him, and already, he's falling apart. 

And it's Aki, it's Aki who you're touching, who you've got falling apart at the seams from a few simple touches — It's him, everything about him and no-one else that has you so hooked. Those same broad shoulders tense up, skin slick with beads of sweat. His shiny black earrings glint when they catch the light. It's his tone of voice when your hand grips him again, his soft gasps that turn into even softer moans. Your touch melts his normally so smooth, so stern voice into high-pitched whimpers and whines, shy noises he has to keep muffled with the palm of his hand. 

Your head is spinning. You squeeze him harder, toying with his thickening cock through his briefs, and Aki groans into his palm, his own breath hot on his skin. Pleasure racks through his body in waves. He needs your touch more, closer, his bottom lip won't stop quivering, and he thinks he'll die if you stroke him any harder, but he couldn't take it if you stopped. 

With your thumb, you press down, applying the slightest pressure, you rub up the length of him and you swear when you reach the tip you can feel his dick throb. 

You smirk, nearly chuckle, instead huffing contently out through your nose. Your gaze fixates on his lap, where his shape's grown more prominent now. "Sensitive, huh?" 

Aki replies with a shallow, barely-there nod you almost don't manage to catch. 

Almost. 

"Yeah?" You place your whole palm over his covered cock, you admire the way he barely fits in your hand, "You must be, look at you. So hard. So needy already." 

Aki's voice goes shaky, breathy. He spreads his thighs wider. His dick's twitching, leaking wet and sticky precum onto his leg, and the better you make him feel the more difficult it gets to keep playing along. "Mhmm…" 

Your hand slowly drifts away with him, he follows your movement with his gaze as you take it up, up, up, until your fingers are wrapping around his waistband, and Aki's heaving a forceful sigh at the thought of you tugging it down. 

"You want these off?" 

You're clearly looking right at him, clearly asking for his answer, but he can't. His chest heaves, and Aki stares back at you dumbfoundedly, like a deer caught right in your headlights. 

Your head tilts, "You gonna answer?" 

Perhaps you're being a slight bit cruel to him, you're aware. But when his eyelids promptly flutter, when his expression starts to soften as you bring your hand back down, when you grab him and squeeze his dick through the fabric hard, his thighs tremor. He utters something pretty, something between a hitched breath and a whine, and you just can't help yourself. 

He grits his teeth, jaw tense as he grinds them. His hips shift and threaten to roll up into your touch, but you stop him, holding him still with a firm hand on his thigh. 

"C'mon," You scoff through a smile, "Talk to me." 

"I- I'm- Give me a minute." Aki manages. You can't help but be impressed by how smooth his voice still sounds, how level he can keep it, despite how desperate he clearly is. 

Your smile half-drops, and you let your tone go rigid for a moment, nice and genuine. "You alright? Is it too much?" 

"No, no, keep- Keep touching." Aki huffs softly, neediness more present in his voice this time. He glances down, meets your gaze with big, round pupils, full moons of black swallowing the ocean blue of his iris. "But don't take anything off yet." 

Oh. You like this. The desperation is more than evident in his eyes, in his voice, but that was stern, he's commanding. You can't deny how much you like it when he's selfish, when he takes some initiative. You could get used to him being bossy. It makes you wonder what else you'd see if you could bring out more of this side of him. Maybe in time. 

So, without protest, you oblige; your hand finds the thick curve of his dick through his briefs, you give it a nice firm squeeze and Aki tosses his head backward, he swears under his breath. Sparks run through his veins again, his heart beats against his chest and fuck, he can feel himself dripping. He's making a damp, sticky mess of his cotton boxers. You grip him firm, give him a few half-hearted strokes, you fist his cock as best you can with the fabric in the way. 

Aki shudders from his legs to his shoulders. His cock leaks steady dribbles of precum into his briefs, and he's certain you can feel the growing dampness of the fabric with the palm of your hand. 

You're groping him so softly, and he's starting to throb, pulsing incessantly until he's squirming, his head spinning, his dick commanding all his attention. He can't even think, let alone speak. The softer you touch him, the more everything melts; his throat's dry, his heart aches from pounding so fast, so hard. 

He wants to ask you to strip him of his briefs already. You won't make it easy, he's sure. Could he even handle any more than this? Briefly, when you stop touching for a moment, his head begins to clear, and Aki debates with himself whether he should start begging. He's sitting up, he's peering down at you with a quivering bottom lip, sorting through his options as he thinks of what to say. 

And then, before he has the chance to make up his mind, and right when he thinks things couldn't get any worse, you start leaning in. 

Staring up at him through your eyelashes, never breaking eye-contact, your hands on his thighs, your face between his legs, Aki watches as you kiss the shape of his cock through his boxers. Your lips are plush enough to feel, breath warm enough to give him a head rush. 

He thought he'd be able to regain his composure if you gave him some time. But he was wrong, so wrong. 

His breathing comes out a thousand times faster. The room is small, he's getting dizzy. He can fucking feel the outline of your lips like they're right there, with nothing inbetween, and he can't, not anymore, he can't take it. 

"Stop… stop… stop…" Oh, he's whining now, so much for being assertive — He's practically blubbering over his words as he tries to speak them. 

You freeze, hand hovering in the air. "You had enough?" 

Aki gulps, hard enough to make his throat ache, to cause his Adam's apple to bob up and down solidly. Sweat forces his bangs to stick to his forehead and tickle his vision. 

"Please." He begs that word and that word alone, voice fraying at the edges, soft and barely audible. It's difficult to speak, but he's trying. 

"Please what?" Your palm rubs smooth circles into his thigh, your head tilts, "What is it?" 

You're ridiculous. 

Aki huffs. He throws his head back in annoyance and grumbles, but with a stern tone, he answers anyways, "Please touch me." 

"You want these off?" Repeating the same motion, hooking your fingers around his waistband for the hundredth time, you peer up at him, to where his hand's come to cover his eyes, "Look at me." 

Sweat glistens on the edges of his frame. Aki breathes in slowly, deeply. His lungs hurt. He clenches his jaw so tight it nearly starts to sting. 

"C'mon, you can do it," Your hands drift up to meet his hips, thumbs nudging at his hip bones. Your words are much sharper than your touch, "I can keep teasing you, is that what you want? I'll gladly keep these on, keep touching you just like this." 

Aki can't see it, but he can feel how your palms leave and then appear further down. They dance over his cock and give a tentative squeeze, and then one hand is gripping his thigh as the other squeezes him harder, firmer. He groans, breath catching, the sound of your voice laced with laughter resounds in his ears — "You wanna cum like this? God, that'd be so cute. Cute little virgin devil hunter cumming in his briefs." 

"Stop, stop-" 

His last few syllables come out like a choke. Aki opens his eyes slowly, he sits up more, he looks at you through a gap between his fingers. That small hint of his gaze, dew forming at his lash line, pleads infinitely harder than his words ever could, "Take it off. Please." 

You follow along. 

You follow before he's even got his plea halfway out of his mouth, fingers tugging at his briefs, committing the desperate tinge to his voice to memory and letting it run rampant in your heart. You want to hear more, and you'll give more, to get that taste of the side he only shows to you. You lean in, press another faint kiss to him — he shivers, swallows thickly — your eyes catch his for half a second longer than they should and he's flustered, his gaze is quick to flicker away. 

The anticipation is palpable. Aki feels the way it bubbles up in his veins, swiftly boiling over. He shifts, he tries not to look as your hands around his waistband expose the messy patch of dark hair around his pelvis. He closes his eyes, and he sucks in a breath loud enough to hear when you finally free his hard cock; it springs up, taps gently against his stomach. 

Fuck, he's pretty. Thick and pretty and long, the head's flushed a rosy shade of red, wet and glistening. You lean in a bit, not touching yet. You sigh and breathe warm air onto the weeping tip, and you swear you catch the way his dick twitches. 

You're staring up at him, he can feel your gaze, but he can't even look at you. Aki leans back further, his weight resting on the heels of his palms. He overestimated how much of this he could handle, possibly. He'll go insane by the end of this, surely. You're not touching, you haven't touched yet. But he's still so hard and he just knows you're smiling, waiting for him to glance down at you so he can see it. 

Steady droplets of precum drip down the length of him. His mind's a mess, he's so dizzy he can't think. You're cooing something he can hardly hear over the ringing in his ears, under your breath — Oh, sweetheart. — and suddenly the air gets so much thicker. The end of your thumb presses to the tip of his cock, rubbing right over the soaked slit, echoing soft, wet noises, sending needy pangs of pleasure straight through his system, and it's all too much. 

Your voice is warm, soft around the edges. "Look at you. You're so thick, I got you so hard, huh? Look at how pretty you are." 

"G-God…" Aki mumbles. The mattress bounces as he flops back-first onto the bed, an arm tossed over his face; this time, you gently squeeze the tip between your thumb and your index. You're coaxing more precum to coat your knuckles and your fingers, slick and shiny when it drips down and gets his dick nice and wet — "Don't, I- oh f-fuck…" 

You're fisting the tip, gripping it in your palm and gently stroking — You grind it hard against your hand, squeeze and massage it between your fingers. Up and down, jerking him off by the tip, just the tip. A little faster, then. 'Til he can't only feel your touch, but hear it, too. 

Wetness clings to your hand, slick on the head of his cock and sticky on your skin. Aki can't breathe. You're going faster, he's panting harder, louder. His back arches, clumsily bucking him into your touch, he tenses up and he feels so good, so amazing. 

He could cum if you don't stop, just from this. He thinks by now, you probably know. 

Having him at your mercy is as perfect as you could have ever expected it to be. He's so goddamn needy, terribly touch starved, he's longed for this for so long, and you want to give him everything. Everything he can handle, whatever he needs. Aki moans, desperate and guttural, he runs a clumsy hand through his hair. The hitches in his breath, the gasps and the whines belong to you and you alone. 

If you could tease him for the rest of the night, watch him squirm and beg, see him cry from something other than his usual strife for a change, you'd be completely, utterly content. 

Your palm pumps the head of his cock to a steady, eager rhythm. His breathing is shaky, it's over and over and over as he pants, desperate for air. Desperate for anything. 

He's gonna cum, he's gonna cum already, all over your hand and the sheets and his own dick — 

But despite how toying you can be, you are merciful. 

You abruptly take your hand away, his length falls against his stomach. And Aki swears, he grunts a disgruntled-sounding fuck and takes loud, heavy breaths, his brows knotted, his jaw tensed. 

"There," You say softly, though your spine still tingles at the sound of his voice, "I'll stop. Take a breather." 

Aki lets out a sigh so heavy and long his lungs shake with the weight of it. He swallows, his voice sore. "I was close." 

Merciful, no; you'd be merciful if you let him finish, but you haven't. And something tells him you won't, not until you're satisfied. 

You tut, wiping your hand off onto the bedspread, "Uh-huh, I thought so. That's why I stopped. Come here, sit up again." 

Aki stays still for a few moments longer, chest heaving. When he's mustered up the energy, he pushes himself up with a quiet grunt, fingers rubbing circles on his temple, pushing messy strands of hair away from his face. He shifts to sit onto the end of the bed again, squirming to get his briefs off and stepping out of them when they pool at his ankles. You snatch them up so they'll at least be off the floor, tossing them to the other end of the bed. Palm to his forehead, he feels how hot his face has gotten. Heat burns under his shoulders when he stretches and rolls them backward. 

Elbows coming to rest on either of his thighs, you ask, "You alright?" 

He's gonna have to be. Aki nods, glancing down towards you. "Yeah." 

"You wanna keep going?" 

Again, he answers, "Yes." 

Carefully, you let your hand wrap around the thick base of his cock. You're barely touching, but it still gets him to shudder. The faint patch of his dark hair tickles your skin. Aki sighs, he tries to relax, leaning back and spreading his legs more. His heart hammers in his chest but his body feels limp, like he's weightless. 

"Is this alright?" You're glancing up at him through your lashes, "Should I keep going?" 

"Yes." Aki answers, "Please." 

Whatever was stressing you out at the beginning of the night doesn't matter. All the worries and the boredom mean nothing, they don't exist anymore. You can hardly remember how you were feeling then, what was going through your head, you've ceased to think about any of it. This moment is the only thing you care about — Aki is the only one you care about. 

Nothing else matters, nothing but the pretty look that overtakes his features once your hand grips harder and starts moving, nothing but the eager sigh he breathes out as a plea. Nothing is running though your mind but how perfect he feels in your palm: hard and silky and wet. 

It's clearer now than it ever was before just how sensitive he is, his dick twitches when you drag your palm up, throbs like a heartbeat when you squeeze too firmly on the first upstroke. You're as gentle as you can be to ease him into it. You keep your hand nice and loose, stroke him up, down. You wait a few moments for him to get used to the feeling, and then continue again. 

Being touched by you is what makes it all the more sweeter. Aki watches your movement with his breath already ragged, gaze flickering from your face to the work of your palm. He draws his bottom lip between his teeth and bites down to keep from falling apart. 

The slow pace of your hand on his cock becomes more manageable the more he gets used to it. Peering up at him, you ask him a question you're sure you already know the answer to. 

"Has anyone ever touched you like this before?" 

It's nice to hear your voice again. The sound is familiar, oddly comforting to him. Aki gasps when your palm swipes the sensitive head, he answers with a quick and barely audible no. That'd make you the first. 

The first to jerk him off, probably the first to see him like this. The first person to hear the way his voice sounds when it's breaking, the first to make him feel this way, the first to touch him here besides his own hand. 

Maybe you're the first to kiss him, too. God, his first kiss. 

You shouldn't say anything, but you can't seem to keep your mouth shut. "Was that your first kiss too? Earlier, I mean." 

It's indulgent, definitely. Possessive. Wrong of you, even. There's something certainly wrong with how your heart gets way too fucking fluttery, simply from the thought of finding yourself as Aki's first kiss; you, of all people, a total stranger. You were able to charm him enough to let his guard down, he's enamored with you to the point of no return. 

You aren't the type to act this way, you swear you aren't. But Aki makes everything easy. Is it so wrong of you to want to take his firsts for yourself? 

Fortunately, Aki's oblivious enough to indulge you. 

"No," He snaps, his voice threatens to waver, and you hate yourself for it, but you can't help but feel a slight, sudden tinge of disappointment. You take out the ire of that feeling by stroking his cock faster. 

"Hhah," Aki trembles, pleasure rushes through his veins and he can barely keep his eyes open and focused on you. "Not- not the first. But- doesn't matter. I haven't… nothing like that. I haven't done anything like that." 

You're smiling to yourself. "Yeah? Nothing as good, huh? You liked kissing me, didn't you?" 

If you weren't busy making him feel so good, if your touch wasn't so perfect, if he could think somewhat straight instead of nowhere near the mark at all, maybe he would have started to wonder why you're asking him such stupid questions. But he doesn't. 

"Yeah, yeah." Breath weighty in his lungs, a burning warmth spreads across the back of Aki's neck as your hand pumps his aching cock harder still, "S'good, so good. I… I want to- oh- Slow down, slow down, slow down…" 

His gasps turn to soft, open-mouthed whines, he muffles them with his palm, he's so loud it's shameful. Your touch disappears when you take your hand away, embarrassment is a creeping warmth on the end of his spine and Aki shuts his eyes tight. He takes in quick, choppy breaths, trying to slow them to calm down. It's no use, the burn in his lungs has him panting sharp and shaky. He leans his head back, his hair tickles his shoulders. Tapping your fingers against his thigh, running them along the wake of gooseflesh, you graciously give him a couple seconds to compose himself. 

"You okay?" You ask quietly. 

Aki swallows, nods. His hands are shaking. He props himself back up and watches in timid silence as you lean in, pressing a feather-light kiss to where his hip bone juts out from his side. Sighing, eyelids fluttery, Aki resists the urge to reach out and touch you. You place another kiss onto his stomach, you squeeze his thigh at the same time, and you can't resist smiling from the breathy, meager noise that leaves his lips. 

"Just relax. Take it easy." Hands at your sides, you speak slowly, calmly, until Aki is starting to mirror. "There's no reason to get so worked up. We've got all the time in the world." 

Steady, Aki exhales the breath he was holding. His posture straightens, he keeps his gaze fixated on you and watches as you come into focus, the knots in his brain untangling themselves. 

"I'll go slower this time." You say smoothly, "You'll be fine, focus on me. Okay?" 

In response, Aki nods again, harder than before, more assured. His muscles loosen when he grabs his shoulder and squeezes, rolling the tension out beneath his palm. He shifts, getting comfortable. Once he's settled, gaze rested on you in waiting, that's when you finally return to him. 

The budding warmth of him in your hand is a sensation you've grown used to, the gentle way his length pulses to the tune of his thudding heart are rhythmic enough to memorize. He's thick and heavy in your palm, already firm again when you stroke up, applying a slight pressure the closer you get to the head. Slick precum wets his slit, it drips onto your knuckles. 

Aki wobbles, the bridge of his nose crinkles and creases. Spots of light paint the darkness in his vision, his eyes closing. He exhales, calms, and he only now realizes the way his knuckles ache from clenching them so hard. Easing up his hands, he drums his fingers against the bed to give himself something else to do with them, he tries as best he can to keep his mind from racing. 

"There you go. Now you're relaxed." Your thumb gently brushes over the tip of his cock, Aki grits his teeth hard. "You've been so pent up, haven't you?" 

He tries, but he can't speak without stuttering: "I'm, ah, a little-" 

"When's the last time you touched yourself?" 

"I-" 

There's no way he can answer that. There's no reason to, either. But — 

"I… I don't know." Aki's voice comes out softer than he wanted it to, weak and airy when the words leave his throat. Your hand's stopped, his heart pounds audibly his ears. You stare at him expectantly, and Aki's eyes nervously scan you up and down. 

Your head tilts. "Too shy to tell me? That's okay." 

"No," Aki snaps, "I can't remember, it's been a while. Maybe a few months ago? Sorry, is that a stupid answer?" 

It might be, he doesn't know, but shame fades away to pleasure the moment your hand starts moving again. 

True to your word, once your rhythm's started up once more, you're much slower, much more careful. Your strokes are shallow, they're teasing, the fluid motion of your wrist keeps him panting, but right under the edge of getting overwhelmed. Your focus stays on him to will Aki to do the same, eyes on his, his own gaze cloudy with need, with anticipation. You watch the persistent rise and fall of his chest in your peripheral. 

"Is it 'cause you're too busy?" 

"A little, I'm, hhah," Aki stutters when your hand twists and then squeezes, "A little busy. Ever since my boss made me… s-shit," A soft grunt, "Ever since they moved in with me, I haven't had any time alone." 

Ever since they moved in with me, could he mean the trouble-makers from before? 

"Awe, is that so?" You coo, "Poor thing."

Aki's lips purse, his eyelids flutter, he nods his head and mutters a mix between a whine and a quiet mhmm. 

Your voice is sweet, heady like liquor, "It must've been forever since you last had some alone time, you're so sensitive. All you want is to be taken care of, don't you?" 

Head spinning, breath hot and sharp when it enters his lungs, Aki blinks away the blur taking over the edges of his vision. He tries not to choke at the sight of your delicate fingers wrapped right around his cock. Sensitive is exactly what he is when your palm caresses the fat head, making him gasp, his arms and his shoulders shivering, warmth in his chest and a fire underneath his veins. 

Aki sighs, "Yeah." He does. He wants to be taken care of, wants to be treated softly by you. 

"It's hard, huh? Hard to always have to be so strong." The heel of your palm rubs harder into his cockhead and Aki groans, tosses his head back until his hair is making a mess in his eyes. The smile on your face is deceptively innocent, "It's hard when you're a devil hunter. Even harder when you don't get all the love you deserve. You just wanna feel loved and safe and cared for. Isn't that right?" 

Right. You're right. And truthfully, he's never realized how badly he needed this until now, until he met you. 

It's so hard, every new day he spends slaughtering devils becomes harder and harder, and Aki wants to be weak, to let go, like you're all he has. He's spent so long in hell he didn't realize how much he craved to feel a dose of heaven. He couldn't have imagined the way he'd end up, or could have predicted where he is now, alone with you while all his senses spark alight, his heart in your waiting hands. 

But he doesn't regret anything. He's stupid, really stupid, stupid and insatiable and everything he thought he couldn't be — and he loves every second of it. 

Aki swallows. "Yeah, I want to." Trembling, and then steady, "But I already do. You make me- you're making me feel so…" 

You think your heart might explode. 

Your lips can't help but twist into a smile, you let your palms wander to give his thighs a playful squeeze. "You're such a sweetheart." 

Aki opens his mouth, he realizes he doesn't know what to say half-way through. 

So you continue on instead, "You think you can do something for me?"

"Uh," He clears his throat, "Sure." 

You reach for his wrist, gripping it tight, dragging him closer. 

"C'mere." 

Your hand guides his own — much larger than yours, the difference in size between his and your palms is way more noticeable when your hands are pressed to one another — and carefully, your hand wrapping back around his waiting cock, you bring his own hand to lay on top of yours. His palm brushes over your knuckles, his fingers twitch and jitter before they settle. His glance flickers towards you, gaze expectant, his lips slightly parted; your words are the only thing to finally crush his confusion. 

"Show me." 

"Huh?" 

"Show me how you touch yourself," You instruct, "I wanna see how you make yourself feel good." 

"Ah-" Aki's voice cracks, he looks away, fights the urge to take his hand away, too, "What you were doing was fine, you don't need to- I don't-"

You interrupt when Aki starts to trail off, "Please, Aki?" 

Funny how those few words are enough to make him start to forget why he ever wanted to object in the first place. Your eyes are big and pretty, practically sparkling. You tilt your head and fucking hell, he's never going to be able to resist you, is he? He exhales, letting out the biggest, longest sigh of exasperation. 

"Don't take it too seriously," You're saying. You laugh a little, and it makes your nose scrunch in a way Aki finds so endearing, "It'll be fun, I swear. You'll enjoy this. Relax, alright?" 

Aki scoffs, breathing a soft tsk, mostly to himself. He gives you one more glance, pleading look and all. His shoulders slump, he pushes his bangs from his face with his other hand and sighs again, in defeat this time. 

"Okay," He answers, "Alright."

Warmth burns hard in the apples of his cheeks. He bites down firmly on his bottom lip to steady himself, his fingers flex as he curls his hand around yours more comfortably. He glances towards you, shyly glances back down. Slowly, his palm begins to guide yours. 

And Aki moves, touching himself with your own hand. 

The languid rhythm he sets isn't much different from how your own was; he takes your hand up, down, lazy and smooth. He adjusts, spreading his legs wider to get a better grip. You stay focused on him, your expression soft, intoxicating, near impossible to look away from. Aki tries to ignore his nerves when he feels them inching up his spine, he closes his eyes to make it easier, his head slightly tossed back as he concentrates on your gentle palm, on the way your pretty hand jerks him off. 

The feeling is similar to before, similar to when he'd do this by himself. But at the same time, it's different — It'll always be different, because it's your hand instead of his. 

Your palm is smaller, much more delicate. He'd noticed the difference between you when you first started touching him. Hell, he knew how small your hand was compared to his own when you first grabbed it all those hours ago. The thought then made his heart pound. The sensation of it now makes him ache. 

You don't have the calluses he does, or the scars, the bruises. Your touch is tender. Your touch is nothing like what he thinks he deserves, everything he could have ever longed for. His body's warm when the idea of you shakes inside his feeble chest and even weaker head. The look in your eyes makes him want to say something, to tell you how you make him feel, to explain how desperately he's longed for you. He can't come up with anything worthwhile. Soft, wet sounds fill the empty space instead. 

His knuckles are filthy already. He catches a steady dribble of precum when he drags your hand up, he brings your palm over the tip and makes it slicker. Gentle breaths pair with every slow pump of his arm. His brows furrow each time he strokes to the top, his expression relaxes when he takes your touch back down. A prominent vein in his wrist bulges out each time he squeezes. 

Aki can feel your gaze on him, even with his eyes closed. He's tried to stay composed. Tried not to lose whatever was left of his mind, but it's no use, it's never been. Even though he's the one guiding you, even though he's setting the pace, you're the one holding all the control — You could tell him to do absolutely anything right now and he would. One last word, one more please and he'd give all of himself to you, everything that remains. 

Your voice is calming, quiet. He was almost beginning to miss what it sounded like: "You're so gentle. Do you go any faster?" 

"No, I usually… I start off slow." Aki answers, the heat beneath his cheeks blossoming brighter. Strong enough to burn him alive, but he forces himself to continue through, "I've gotta get… used to it," He breathes a shaky gasp, timid hand leading your palm until you swipe over the needy tip of his cock, "Shit, so sensitive." 

"You think about anything when you're doing this by yourself? Maybe someone you like?" 

Aki exhales, he gulps hard enough to shake his Adam's apple, dragging your hand back down to the hilt, "I don't like anyone that way." 

With his eyes still closed, he hasn't been able to tell, but when your warm breath fans over his aching length, hot and fuzzy and so much but at the same time, nothing at all — He can feel how close you've leaned in. 

You continue, "Do you think about having sex?" 

"No. I guess not." Aki lets his eyes open, he stares up at the ceiling. His chest expands with the deep gulp of air he takes, "I focus on the feeling. Let my mind go blank. I don't really think about anything." 

A coy smirk tugs at the corners of your cheeks. 

Perfect. This'll be another first, then. 

"You wanna try thinking about it?" Your eyes meet his own when Aki glances down, he starts to say something but interrupts himself with a sharp breath in when you give his cock a teasing squeeze, deviating from his instructions. Yet he doesn't look away. 

"Think about," He grunts, playing dumb, "Think about what?" 

"While I'm touching you, why don't you think about having sex with me?" 

Aki's eyes go wide. His mouth falls open, lips slightly ajar. He freezes in place, his expression twists from disbelief to something apprehensive. 

"I can't do that." He's matter-of-fact with his answer. Stern, surely positive. If you knew any better you'd think he was scolding you. You'll change his mind very, very quickly. 

"Sure you can. Here, my turn," You bat his hand away, leaving just yours touching, and Aki awkwardly hovers it in the air for a few long seconds before hesitantly placing it back down at his side. "What, are you too nervous?" 

"Somewhat." 

"Well, don't be." 

"That doesn't help." 

"I bet it's 'cause you're one of those people, like you have a bad imagination," You chuckle, the sound bubbly and light, "I'll help you out, don't worry. Lean back, close your eyes if you have to. All you have to do is try and picture what I tell you." 

Aki blinks once, twice. 

"Think you can do that for me? Pleeease. Just try." 

With a disgruntled, loud exhale through his nose, he finally gives in. You're smiling wider as he shifts back, relaxing, resting his weight on his palms, and allowing his eyes to flutter shut. 

"You ready?" 

Aki nods, "Yeah. Keep going." 

His hands clench the moment your palm starts stroking him again. The tension leaves his limbs like an ebbing wave; quick, anxious beats of his heart turn into loud, thudding echoes he can feel deep in his chest and hear in his ears. Your touch is deliberate, his cock is aching and sensitive; a few pumps of your hand are enough to get him hard around your fingers already, breathing in short pants, utterly desperate. 

"Think about, hm," The pad of your thumb rubs circles into his cockhead, and Aki shivers, gritting his teeth firmly to get himself to focus. You're continuing, "Think about me and you. We're at your place. In your bedroom." 

Listen, focus. Aki takes a steady inhale in, out, trying as best he can manage to bring a picture to the scene. 

It would be dark, the lights off. The moon would hang high in the night sky. Your figure bathed in shadow, you'd be spread out over his navy blue bed sheets, arms sprawled above you, reaching up towards the headboard. His alarm clock would tick, tick, tick. The sounds of the city fill his bedroom's empty space: the low hum of distant sirens, the rumble of the trains. The cacophony which would inevitably come from his not-a-guest-room-anymore guest room would quickly drown out everything. 

He wonders if the two of you would ever get a moment alone. He'd push his dresser in front of his bedroom door because it doesn't have a lock. He'd kick the two idiots out for the day — No, no, they'd just come walking in anyways, ruining everything, because whatever Aki says not to do is exactly what they end up doing. 

It's giving him a headache. His face is starting to tense up, eyebrows knitted, jaw clenched. You notice. "Don't overcomplicate things." 

Aki huffs. "I'm trying."

From the base to the head, your hand strokes his dick, squeezing harder the closer you get to the tip until precum is wet on his slit and he's covering his mouth to muffle the sound of a soft whine. God, how is he this fucking sensitive? 

The smoothness of your voice is his only tether to reality. "Let's try something else, maybe." 

"I… I'm sorry," Aki's thighs twitch, his head spins. He lets go of his held breath, his hips shift from restlessness. "Alright." 

"It's okay. Relax. Just try your best."

Aki breathes in. "Okay."

"How about you think of us right here? Y'know, maybe a little while from now on." Your hand pumps his cock faster, and Aki feels his pulse thrum rampant in his throat. "I'm on top of you, your hands are on my waist. Picture me in your lap like I was before, picture me touching you, just like this." 

Gulping, he answers again, "Okay. I got it." 

And he tries. 

This new scene is easier to imagine now. You'd be on top of him, the neon light of the room frames your silhouette from behind you. All your clothes would be off, and his, too. You're pressed close to his own body with your skin warm, shimmering from sweat. Your hair is a mess, you're taking up every corner of his vision until you're the only thing he can perceive. One of your hands lays softly on his cheek; your phantom touch feels as real and as perfect as what he's come to be familiar with. 

You'd grip and stroke him, just the same as in this moment. Your delicate palms would caress his neck, the length of his shoulders, down his chest. You'd brush his messy bangs from his eyes and kiss him on the corner of his mouth, gentle, but teasing enough to make him woozy. 

He'll get to that point with you tonight if he isn't careful. These ideas in his head are very much real. That only makes them all the more intoxicating. 

This time, your voice comes out at barely more than a whisper: "Are you imagining it? Thinking of me touching you? I'd make you feel so good, Aki. And then, I'd offer to make you feel even better." 

Every thought in his head spins in circles, never getting anywhere. Aki focuses on your touch, on each pleasurable pump of your hand on his length. 

"Yeah, yeah," Aki sighs, breath trembling, "When I think about it, I- Oh, fuck-"

When you'd grab him by his waist and sink down on him, skin against skin once he's all the way inside, when you'd wrap your arms around his shoulders and ride his aching cock until your rhythm of sighs are a mantra in his ear; he'd follow along, gripping you tight, fucking up into you as much as it takes to get you louder — Aki groans. He covers his face with both hands, he can't stop himself from rocking his hips into your touch, grinding his cock into your palm, desperate for more friction. 

He's breathless, he feels filthy, his mind can't stop conjuring the thought of you pressed close to him, your fingers running through his hair, plush lips pressed to his nape while he's buried deep inside you. God, he's terrible, he's dirty for imagining this, and yet he can't fucking stop. What the hell is he doing? 

Aki pictures how you'd coo into his ear, how the tones to your voice that he's already managed to memorize would echo sweet gasps and even sweeter utterances of his name. You'd cling to each syllable like it's special as you say it for him, over and over again. Aki, Aki, Aki. 

Please, Aki. I need you. 

He's losing his mind. The sensible half of him tells him he needs to get a grip. But it's a little hard, impossible, even, to do so when your hand is stroking his needy cock, and when his whole body feels light, when he's gotten so hard he's practically aching. His thighs are trembling, his heart is beating wild inside his chest. 

So, he decides he won't stop you. Aki grunts low in his throat, his eyes flutter open, but he closes them again when a glimpse at your pretty face staring up at him only makes the picture in his head even clearer. 

He knows you're smirking now. 

"Does it feel good?" You purr, and it's in that same sweet voice he was imagining, "You thinking about fucking me?" 

"Y-Yes…" Aki answers, panting, hesitant and quiet, like he's almost hoping you won't end up hearing him. 

But you do, "Yeah? Tell me what you're thinking of." 

Your hand pumps him firmly, he's slick, silky underneath your touch; the sound it makes every time you drag upward is indecent, disgustingly wet. Precum drips from his cockhead in steady droplets. You swipe the tip with your palm and coat the rest of his length in his arousal. 

Aki's words are shaky: "You're… you're on top of me. And you're kissing me, and I'm- I…" 

You squeeze him harder, the rest of whatever he was trying to say catches in his throat and he nearly chokes, his shoulders tense. He can't even think anymore, and he couldn't possibly say anything to you when he cracks his eyes open and meets your gaze — for only a few moments, but enough to make pleasure boil hotter and deeper in the pit of his stomach, warmth traveling up the length of his spine. 

He tries to speak, just one more time. His sentence barely starts before he's cutting himself off, gasping and sputtering, blown out pupils hidden behind fluttering eyelids. His bottom lip trembles alongside every ragged breath he takes. 

You wanted for him to keep going. Wanted to hear him tell you all about how that sweet head of his imagined taking you — and you're normally patient enough to wait. Up until now, you've been unbelievably patient. You can't deny you like dragging things out with him, you enjoy watching him beg and squirm as he tries his best to keep up. You should give him time, let him have another break, and normally, you would. Normally. 

Aki swallows, he pushes his hair from his face and it's clear his hand is shaking. His palm lingers, hiding the scarlet hue to his cheeks. He mumbles a muffled swear, he sighs out the softest please, and as you find yourself leaning in closer, you finally lose the last of your restraint. 

He feels the tickle of your breath on his length first, warm and devilishly subtle. His fingers twitch, he swallows again to chase away the dryness in his throat, harder this time. He can't look. Then, there's the faint ghost of your lips, and as they press ever-so gently to the thick tip of his cock, kissing it softly, that's when Aki practically melts. 

His shoulders slump, his head tilts back. Tingles rack his nerves, his heart pumps fast, hard. He can barely focus on anything but the feeling, too caught up with how you're starting to trail sloppy kisses down his cock; you kiss the right side, lean over and kiss the left. You admire the way his dick throbs beneath your lips, pulsing to the tune of his breathing: sharp, quick, and desperate. 

There's something so tender about your touch, softness in intensity. There's a feeling budding deep in his center he can't begin to get enough of every time he sees you on your knees, between his legs, a saccharine look in the back of your eyes. When you continue to press warm kisses to his length, palm on his thigh to keep him steady, desire wells hot in his chest. He wants to touch you, hold you, keep you closer than anything he's ever had before because he needs this, needs you. God, does he need you. 

Your kisses travel up the sensitive underside of his cock, and as your tongue swipes right under the head, Aki fists the sheets so hard he feels his joints ache. 

"F-Fuck," The pleasure's practically overwhelming, Aki pants forcefully as if his lungs are pleading for air, "Fuck, oh God- please, I-" 

Voice wobbling and fraying, he can hardly speak; the tip of your tongue flicks against his cockhead, wet and teasing, and he's done, utterly done for. 

His entire body shivers, he sighs out whines too high-pitched for his usual tone. Your gaze flutters up, and Aki's sweating, quite literally dripping with sweat. Droplets cascade down his jaw, his chest shiny, skin glistening. Despite his best efforts, his hair has made a mess around his face again. His pulse is quick enough to feel, pounding feverishly in his ears. 

Your hand pumps his cock fast. It's wetter now, slick from the mix of your saliva and his precum. He lets his eyes roll back, his mouth falling open. He moans at your touch, broken and feeble, loud enough that the room over would hear if the walls weren't already soundproof. 

His taste is salty on your tongue when you swirl it around his tip, heady, taking over your senses. You lick his cockhead until he starts to go dizzy, quick flicks of your tongue making him twitch. You close your lips around, sucking softly when you feel him throb — and to your satisfaction, he only throbs harder. An incessant, needy pulse, he breathes deeper with the same sort of weight, gasping forcefully. He spreads his legs open as wide as they'll go, and leans further backward. 

It feels so fucking good. He's shaking, his thighs and his hands trembling. You kiss him again, lips on the warm length of his cock, and his palms fly up to shyly cover his face, his stomach flexes — You know he's close. 

And you were just getting started. 

"Don't cum yet." 

Lips hovered a centimeter away, you breathe the words onto his sensitive tip, the sensation sharper now that he's coated in your saliva. As your hand twists up the length of his cock, squeezing, he groans in a mix of pleasure and disappointment. You're quiet, and you almost think he didn't end up hearing you, but with his eyes shut tight and his temple creased, he finally answers, frantically shaking his head. 

"No, no…" Aki pleads, he's full-blown whining, his voice is weak and trembles like he'll cry. When you abruptly let go of him, taking your hand away to leave him throbbing against nothing, his bottom lip quivers and he practically sobs. 

"No, please, you can't… Please don't stop, I wanna- oh, please, please." 

Only a few seconds without you, and he's needy already, dribbling precum while his thighs shake; his face is flushed with vibrant warmth, and his head dips to hide it, eyelids fluttering between open and closed. His hair falls around his pretty pierced ears, the ends of them burning in shades of pink and red. He pants, chest heaving, up, down. 

"Awe, c'mon. You've been so good for me up 'til now." You offer him the smallest reprieve when your lips press against his cock in a faint kiss, and he can't help but whimper softly. "Try and hold out for a little bit longer." 

Aki's voice sounds pathetic when it lilts, "I- I can't. I'm so close." 

"I know you can, you'll do it for me, right?" You're purring, pleading, but it's less of a plea when you're already sure he'll do everything you tell him to. "Please, try?" 

And you're right. There isn't a single possibility where he'd ever be able to say no to you. 

Aki's mind goes foggy as all the blood rushes to his head, making him dizzy. He wants to cum on your tongue or your hand or wherever you'll let him so goddamn badly it's the only thing he can think about, and the thought of having to hold out for any longer is enough to send him reeling. 

He's not sure how much more of this he can take, even if he tried. The smallest touch from you and he thinks he'll explode. Every part of his body is tense, begging for release. 

But he can't say no. He couldn't. He won't, because it's you. Because you're sweet and perfect, because you promised to take care of him and he trusts that, trusts you. You know he can, and it's all he needs to hear. 

Aki sighs in defeat. He meets your gaze, his eyes glossy with tears that haven't fallen yet; he blinks hastily to do away with them, and he nods his head, giving in. 

You smile. You smile, and it makes everything worthwhile. 

"Breathe, okay?" Your thumb rubs slow circles onto his tip, a tingly warm feeling returns to his gut, "Take deep breaths. I'm gonna take care of you. It'll feel so good when you finally finish, I promise." 

Aki steadies himself, rubbing his temple with his fingers. He rolls his shoulders back, loosening them. 

"Go slow," He says at last. He swallows, still slightly shaky, "Go slow or I'll cum." 

Eagerly, your lips pressing to the warm head of his cock, you mutter a muffled mhmm. The noise sends pleasant vibrations down his length, and Aki groans quietly, urging you on. 

Your hand grips the base of his cock to keep him situated. The promise you made to take care of him comes in the form of your wet tongue pressed flat on the underside, hand slowly pumping his length to get him ready, and your eyes closing as you start to take him into your mouth. 

He's thick. He makes your throat tense up the more of him you try to swallow. You're unprepared for this, the same as he is. You shouldn't push yourself, but when he feels this perfect in your mouth, and when he's sighing, making such pretty noises already, you just aren't able to resist. 

And even though tears are pricking at your lashes and your throat aches like you're going to choke, you need to hear more, give him more — You don't stop until you're at least halfway down. Until your hand is doing the rest of the work, and Aki's rewarding you with a whine, then a cute hitched gasp. He keeps his hands clenched at his sides, veins protruding from his knuckles when he fists the sheets and grips. 

And God, is he hard, he must be aching. He won't stop throbbing to a rapid rhythm even once you're pulling back, sucking hard on the tip before sinking down when you're itching to feel him in your mouth again. His taste is addicting, strong, and you lick all the way up his length, drooling a mess of saliva onto his cock. You flick your tongue at his slit and breathe cool air onto him, watching the way he squirms. He'll cum soon if you aren't careful. 

But Aki is pliant, despite your teasing. He's good. He can wait. 

Even though he's already overwhelmed, he lets you place messy kisses all over his dick, he glances down and his gaze connects with yours as you're taking him back into your mouth — You're all droopy eyelids and soft eyes, his heart stops the moment you look at him, but now you're swallowing his cock down to the hilt and he can't look away. Can't do anything, in fact. Anything but hopelessly feel his breath come in short pants, gasping to the same tune as the lovely patter in his warm chest. 

You keep your face buried in his pelvis until you start to get lightheaded. You're hollowing your cheeks, gently sucking while you pull back. And when you go down again, screwing your eyes shut and whimpering weakly around him from the pace you've set, Aki moans loud. You bob your head on his cock and his noises partially drown out your own: quiet gags, wet sputters. 

Your head goes up and down, you drag upward to give yourself a break and catch your breath. Reaching for his hand, your tongue swirling around the head, your eyes half-open, you grip his wrist. You guide his palm to rest on the back of your head and sink back down at the same time. He keeps it there, shaky and hesitant at first, but when you gag on him and he suddenly needs something to hold onto, he's gripping tightly at your hair, his knuckles flexing. 

This is debauched, and he knows it. You've given up on holding back, the noises you're making and the sight of you is downright disgusting, spit glistening on your lips and his shaft, your eyes shut, choking feebly as you suck him off. Your cheeks are wet with tears, and he reaches to brush them away with his thumb. 

He knows, but he doesn't want you to stop, you can't stop. Holding your face in his hand, he admires you, unable to look away. You're gorgeous, your pretty eyes teary, your mouth on his cock. He's felt more in this moment than he has in forever — or perhaps he's never felt anything so intense, never been this tender-hearted. Not until you. With you, it begins and it ends, always. 

You've got his dick down your throat, and all Aki can think about is how much he adores you. 

Your pace increases, teetering on the edge of what you can handle. The tip of his cock rubs the soft inside of your cheek. Then, you're grabbing his thighs, coaxing them apart more and gripping them for leverage. You swirl your tongue as you take him, forgetting the need to breathe in order to lavish him as much as you want to, as much as he deserves. 

The way it feels, fuck, the way it sounds — Aki is sure he could never hope to get your voice out of his mind, the hums you make when he rubs the back of your head affectionately, brushing your hair from your face with his fingers. The chokes you utter as you take him deeper, deeper. You're close to crying, but you aren't stopping, you don't stop because you're too addicted. 

He's overwhelming every time he fills your throat, but you love this too much: the noises he makes through his teeth, the blissed out look on his face. You peer up at him through your lashes, your vision blurry, and Aki's gaze is heavy, locked onto yours. His bangs are a thick mess around his forehead, his chest rises and falls. The ragged melody of his breathing fills your ears; you're obsessed with his taste, with the soft touch of his hand on the back of your head. 

His grip on your hair tightens. You stop for a moment, pulling back and placing a kiss to his needy cockhead, to which Aki instantly huffs a sigh of relief. Your gaze on his, you keep your tone at barely more than a whisper. 

You ask him, "How's it feel?" 

"Good," Aki's voice cracks like he's forgotten how to speak, "Feels good." 

"Yeah? Keep talking to me." 

You trail your tongue up his length, he's already soaked with your drool; you lick a stripe across the thick head and his fingers start to shake. 

"Your mouth is- it's warm," He starts, already panting, swallowing thickly, his throat dry, "Pretty, you're so pretty. Can you- please, ah- yeah, that's it…" 

Your lips close around him, and you take him back into your mouth, giving him just what he was hoping for. Aki feels all of his muscles tense, then relax. Working the rest of his cock with your hand, you run your tongue along his length's underside, licking and swirling, 'til he's in heaven. 

"Oh, fuck- just like that," He encourages, his words shaky. Watching you try so hard to please him fills him with a bubbly warm sense of adoration, "I'm close, really close, I- oh- don't stop…"

His head tosses back, his moans are loud and desperate. Your mouth is irresistibly warm, so wet, your chokes send the most pleasant vibrations over his cock and make it impossible to try to speak. Your head bobs up and down recklessly as you focus on him and his pleasure alone. The rest of your mind is utterly blank. His grip grows stronger close to your scalp, so tight it nearly stings. He loosens his hold when he realizes he doesn't want to hurt you. 

Fog in his head and a pounding in his heart, he's getting restless, impulsive, starting to move more — Aki clumsily bucks his hips up the next time you sink down, the slightest movement forcing him further down your throat, added pleasure making him moan, deep and guttural. He gasps, thighs trembling. He starts meeting the bobs of your head with gentle thrusts into your mouth, and he's so out of it you're not even sure if he realizes what he's doing. 

Aki can't think, his head is spinning too fast, everything is dizzy. There's no way he can hold back any longer but he couldn't bother to care, he's so close and your pretty wet mouth feels so good and he needs to cum, God he needs to cum — 

"Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop," Aki begs in slurs of words and stuttered gasps, a roll of his hips fucking him deeper into your mouth. His vision is going white, he's struggling to keep looking at you; eyes watering, like he might cry, "Please, don't-" 

You drag off of his cock with a strong suck and a pop of your lips, his pleasure wavers and wanes, but then comes back to him strong as ever once your hand twists and squeezes at the base of his cock, moving upward. Your tongue swirls over the sensitive head, your gaze flickers up to meet his own. And you have your eyes on his, tongue greedily flicking his flushed cockhead, warm soft stare the sweetest thing he's ever seen — and that's enough. You suck on the tip with a harsh, wet sound and he's melting, heat rushing his system all at once. 

"I'm- I c-can't," He sounds pathetic, "I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna-"

Pleasure buds and explodes in the pit of his stomach, you hum around him in approval, soft vibrations enough to burst that final bubble; Aki whimpers, chokes on air, and then he's throwing his head back, gasping hard. His Adam's apple bobs solid in his throat, his cock twitches and his hands shake. You hold your breath and sink down on him, warmth enveloping his length as he cums in your mouth. 

The feeling hits you before the taste. Thick and warm, heady on your tongue, his dick throbbing steadily through his release. Your temple knots up in your efforts not to swallow. You grip his thighs and squeeze them tightly, admiring the cracks in his voice, the lilts of his moans. Desperate ah's and quiet swears strain his normally smooth tone into a weak, high-pitched mess. If he sounds this good when he cums for you, you aren't going to be able to stop here. 

How much you've teased him shows in how much he has to give you, his cum quickly fills your mouth and forces you to pull back. Even once you do, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, it's still dribbling from his cock, such a mess. His dick is slippery and soaked from your saliva, his skin caked in sweat. Your head clears slowly, it gets easier to breathe. You watch Aki pant with a placid expression on his face, an expression you've never seen on him before, lips parted and his eyes barely open. His arms quiver slightly, trembling from the aftershocks. 

His head spins, his heart pounds until it calms. His cheeks blister with warmth, his chest aches from the weight of his breaths. He reaches up, running a palm over his face, rubbing his eyes — his vision goes fuzzy, then returns after he blinks — and he pushes messy strands of hair away, tucking them behind his ears. When he glances down at you, you're already looking up at him. There's a slight smile on your face, captivating as ever.  

Pretty, you're so pretty. 

continue reading on ao3

hello! I'm sorry to have to cut the fic off here, but unfortunately tumblr won't allow the entirety of this chapter to be posted because it's so fucking long... if you like it so far and you want to read the rest pls consider hopping over to ao3... thank you 🫂

[is-this-yuri]

hey yall, the situation has changed.

i've tentatively started a fundraiser to potentially work toward getting a van. i was going to wait until i got approved for SSDI and use the backpay to purchase a van, but after speaking with some lawyers, it's looking like that won't be happening in a reasonable time.

i really need to get out of this tiny car and into something bigger and more legal. i'd also like to sell my car for a chunk of cash, but i can't do that until i have something else to move into (and i certainly won't be able to do it when it inevitably gets towed if i keep driving it everywhere)

here's the link to the fundraiser

the goal is $10k. i know that's a lot, but there's no time limit on this. at $6-7k i can actually get the vehicle. maybe less if i'm lucky, and if i get any amount of donations i'll be searching the market constantly. the rest will be used to sort the registration and insurance, and of course to convert the inside. i've been researching this project for years, so rest assured i'll be using the money well.

i'm not sure what to expect with this but i will be eternally grateful if it works out for me. if it works out, i'll be posting all updates on my situation on the fundraiser and on patreon, and of course here on my blog.

i'm so sorry to be placing this burden on yall, but i really need all the help i can get, and i have no other ideas. having a van will be like having an apartment for me, and even without reliable income it'll be a massive upgrade so i can more readily work on getting reliable income one way or another. i can't even think about getting a regular job or staying consistent with my treatment until i have somewhere safer to live.

as for today i could use some cash to gas up my car and take care of some other needs, and as always i appreciate the donations i get almost daily that have been sustaining my life. if you'd rather support me in the short term, there's:

ko-fi

cashapp

or you can consider becoming a patron to allow me a small monthly income. thank you very much to my first patreon member! <3

so, there are many ways to support me now if you're willing and able! i appreciate every one of you <3 much gratitude to anyone who clicks any of the above links and for boosting and sharing! and thank you for tolerating me while i figure out this 'escaping homelessness' thing

0/10k

[iiwaijime]

04. you say party

"you're going?"

"to the party? yeah."

the words rest on the tip of his tongue. wanna go together? he does not say them out loud.

✦✦✦

he hates nishinoya — not hate, but there is a certain amount of something negative he harbours against him. he hates the way he hovers around you almost protectively, and he hates the way he's so aware of his surroundings. rintarou can't even pretend to run into you or anything because of him; walking up to you would definitely be weird, too. so he sates himself by gazing at you reverently from afar, as you blush and smile and laugh, one hand coming up to cover your mouth as you laugh while the other hits at noya's shoulder softly. he hates that, too — the way you subconsciously hide your pretty smile like that all the time. if it were up to him, he'd hold your hands in his and kiss all your insecurities away. and then you move, as if to turn to his direction, so he turns away too, until his back is facing you. so wrapped up in himself and you is he, that he doesn't notice your lovestruck eyes burning holes into the back of his head. you desperately wish he'd turn around; he's glad he has the restraint to not.

✦✦✦

yachi glares at rintarou's back, arms crossed. he doesn't seem to notice, and you don't know whether to be glad or not. she and kiyoko are trying their best to distract you — not that it's working, though. he looks especially pretty today, in a stupid white shirt with the sleeves rolled up (yum) and baggy black shorts. your own top and skirt make you feel almost overdressed.

"at least we're matching," you joke weakly, tugging at the hem of your black skirt. noya nods enthusiastically, but oikawa scoffs.

"the guy didn't even look at you or anything, he doesn't deserve you."

iwaizumi looks unconvinced. "i think i noticed him, though."

but you shake your head sadly. "nah, i don't think he did."

series masterlist

authors note(s) !

y/n calls ALL her friends her girls btw

kiyoko mention!!!! YEAHHHHH

RIN POV YEAHHHHHH

noya, iwa and oikawa are very clearly men so rin did not make that connection either

they r going someplace together what could POSSIBLY go wrong

ITS OK I CANT ANGST TOO HARD SO LIKE YEAH IT'LL BE OKAY BY CH6 I PROMISE!!

feeding yall so good dont even lie...! ANYWAYS PRAY FOR ME OR WISH ME LUCK OR MANIFEST OR WHATEVER

ALSO ATSUMU DRABBLE REACHING 500 LIKES IN TWO DAYS OMFG

taglist is open ! (39/50)

@wooasecret @yuminako @dawnisatotalqueen @thechaosoflonging @boogiemansbitch @chloiyoomi @mikauraurr @just-coreee @chemiru @twiishaa @imcheshire @zozodahobo @fallenisded @nyxlai @sp1ng @sunsribn @sellomaybe @savemebrazilhinata @semieita24rockstargf @marsoverthestars @bellsoftheball @renardiererin @akaakeis <3 @dazqa @piopioo @theepitomeofswag @smellysluna @theycallmenanamisgirl @strxbxrrylover @whydoyoucare866 @jiawji @toges-cough-syrup @harmonia-dread @dailyakira @staymoarmyzen @loverlunaire @akaashislovee @lovelymuffin

comment or send an ask to be tagged <33

likes n rbs r appreciated <3 thank you !

© iiwaijime 2024

[thechekhov]

Chekhov Reads Dungeon Meshi: CH46

D....dark Laios?

I mean, you DID consent!

The fact that ghosts can pass through walls and take other things with them... it kind of elicits another type of organism. Like, what can pass through cell walls? What other parts of the body can just yoink stuff from one place and bring it to another?

Congrats! It's all just been a dream!

I'm sorry what the SHIT?!?!?

Well, I-- .... yeah, I GUESS.

Though it looks more like one of those carousel horses.

I think this is probably still inside the dungeon. Very... DEEP. Inside the dungeon.

What? WHAT?! These things are like regular animals down here???

Oh, I--hm. I see.

Ordered by WHOMST?

Is this just an entire society of (humans??? ghosts?) that lives here in the dungeon deep? Is there still a king under the mountain? Are the rumors of the king dying not true at all?

........or are these people and descendants of adventurers who came in but were never able to leave? And the fact that Senshi points out that none of them are old.... are they ageing?

Laios, Senshi n--...... welp. There they go.

Bless this man and his absolutely non sexual obsession with monsters. But.

Izutsumi, who is a human-level intellect beastkin (though she's low on wisdom and patience....) is being very.... beast-ly and soft here. She's being magically compelled, presumably, to chill the fuck out.

Which means all these monsters are also under the same effect? Isn't that a little fucked up? They're basically under a permanent drugged effect.

Also. Hm. 'short lifespan' is....relative. Short lifespan compared to what? Immortality?

Orcs know this place exists....?

These people planting things for fun means they're absolutely trapped here like spirits.

Keeping up appearances for. Whom.

These poor people have no new incomers to talk to, huh.

Oh, I uh---- ................ hm. THat's not at all what I was imagining either.

Fashion is cyclical after all I guess....

Mmmmm. Mmmm-hmmmMMM.

WHEEEEZXE

Knowing I've finally hit these two absolutely iconic panels... amazing.

......I guess it can only do so much to make her docile...... she still doesn't like Laios.

Why does he look familiar...?

....so Derghal had a son. And a grandson. So then why is there a bid for the throne...?

Laios. Laios, is milking the minotaur the ONLY thing you did? Or was there more to it? Laios.

It's interesting. That bartender said he was 600 when he started his now-400 year old ale. So. That means they're 1000 years old.

That means that they're about as long lived as elves? Haven't gone mad yet. But that's still a long time.

That's kinda worse, yeah, but a loss of the self is a type of death, in a way...? So....

The most throwback of all time.

Actually, I feel like that's been there for a while, although it didn't always look EXACTLY like a lion's head. I feel like the little living armor he keeps in there made it that design? But how would it do that on purpose?

this is what it looked like some chapters back. Yeah, it's been sculpting into a lion's mane for a while now.... Ohohohoh playing the long game are we? 👀

Ah, it's not a wolf. How tragic for you, Laios. It'll never work out.

Also, damn, those wings sure be lookin like Falin's very non-dragon wings. What a wild coincidence. I'm sure that doesn't mean anything. :)

laughing hysterically. This poor guy can't get a break. He's been running from responsibility and inheritance for his entire life and it still catches up and trips him purposefully.

There is definitely a certain amount of tragedy there, yeah. These people aren't asking Laios for help because it's easier. They're legitimately stuck in a nightmare scenario. Unless you're someone who can get pleasure from other avenues, living all that time without the basic needs will drive a person mad. Elves live just as long, presumably, but they're still able to eat, I assume.

I'm honestly more surprised they're all as sane as they are.

.......King of Forgor.

[schizoidcel]

## BOOTHILL x READER ★

🤍 ﹒ HEADCANONS ! ! . .

－ notes ̽ ۪⠀written before his release + gn reader huhu. yall i swear ill get to the lcb requests but im brainrotting too fucking much right now boothill is colonizing my mind so enjoy these thoughts i had and will throw into the tags

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

He's a little spoon and NOBODY can convince me otherwise period.

We know damn well hes touch starved. So ofcourse he'd wanna be nuzzled up inbetween your chest and chin

Will teach you how to ride a horse. He definitely has a favourite (his name is Sebastian 🌚🌚)

Very protective over him though. You will not ride on that horse until you are months into the relationship

He gave you another horse to practice riding on and an extra horse incase the other "knocks your socks off" ... Whatever that means

You named them Yee and Haw and he was so conflicted with his emotions that he considered getting a routine check up on his body

Will tease you if you completely fuck up immediately.

He grabs your hands to gesture on things you should be wary about while being on the back of a horse, knowing it'll mess your brain up and lead you to not pay attention to a single thing coming out of his mouth

On the other hand if you're able to handle it in a short amount of time, he'll start flirting with you

"I'm doing it, Boo!" "Nice work, honeybunch. Think ya can manage ridin' somethin' else?" "Dude"

It's one or the other. You will not escape the Boothill down bad programm

Boothill also acts like a himbo to mess around with you.

On another note, you called him Bootyhill once and he's still shook up. Whether /pos or /neg is up to interpretation

While we're on the topic of nick/pet names, he calls you things you've never heard of before .

Or even if you did, they're things you expected never to be called 😭

What the fuck is a doodlebug Boothill

Type of man to get flustered when you flirt back. He just starts bugging out

Will play it cool though, but the faint blue on his cheeks says otherwise

Also a fan of headpats. No, he's not ashamed. No, he will not tell you.

Expanding on the no shame, Boothill takes it to the extreme

No filter, no mask, no nothing. Touchy EVERYWHERE you go

Even if he can't really feel it, he just feels more at ease when you both are near eachother or touch one another. Man wants to protect his partner, after all

It dosen't matter if you're able to protect yourself, the gesture just makes him feel more comfortable and calm

Also has a hair pulling kink woah. Let's keep it sfw everybody

Forehead kisses ❤️ or just kisses anywhere on his head in general. Kiss behind his ears and he will overheat

He let's you play with his hair<3 It's one of his favourite passtimes with you

Braid it, tie it in a ponytail, give him buns, pigtails, curl them, decorate them with hairpins, clip bows in his strands it don't matter PLAY WITH HIS HAIR ⁉️

He relaxes SO MUCH it's insane. Genuinely just one finger goes into that hair of his and he melts

This plays into the little spoon factor

You'd tease him about it but he takes pride in it 😭

Has a weird obsession with biting. If you complain that it hurts he goes "What, want me to smooch the pain away?" and he does this fuckass face :3 while you're just staring at him dead in the eye (you say yes btw)

If you're ticklish, he's hell for you

Tickles you in the most random times possible.

And you know it's even WORSE with those cold ass metalic hands

You're cuddling? The sides of your torso are not safe. You're currently occupied with an activity involving your hands? Your armpits are not safe either. He's laying on your bare stomache face down? He starts blowing raspberries.

You know damn well he uses the feathers of his hat 😭

Sticks it up your nose to make you sneeze too. Usually to wake you up or some shit

You could have the most volcano eruption alert level 5 sneeze and he'd still say "Aww, ya sneeze like a kitten!"

One last note this man is a whiney loser bottom not sorry

the word ill is in boothill for a reason the way im laying in bed all sweaty ANYway 🌚���😵😵😵

ૢ་༘�� thank you for reading ! Ⳋ᧙

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝓣𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓮. [Closed Doors]

Jungkook makes decisions every day- but none has ever felt as hard to make as the decision whether or not to keep or leave you.

Tags/Warnings: Hospital/Medical AU, Doctor!Jungkook, slightly aged up!Jungkook, Hybrid!Reader, Dog Hybrid!Reader, another slightly heavy one but the comfort is strong with this hurt, angst, fluff, romance, strangers to lovers, blood, medical stuff, mentions of domestic (physical and mental) abuse, corruption, mentions of drug abuse, health scare²

Length: 2.3k Words, it's very tiny I'm very sorry

-> Masterlist

There is no taglist for this fic.

A/N: hi sorry I just really like this fic pls eat your vegetables

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"The little guy is recovering good." Namjoon nods. "But we'll have to inform child protective services, no matter if it was an accident or not.." He sighs, as Jungkook nods.

"I'm pretty sure it'll go well if it really was just that." He says. "I can't believe people just leave this stuff around when they know children eat any candy they see the moment they get the chance to." He shakes his head a bit angrily. "If that boy was a hybrid he'd be dead."

"Luckily he's not. I'll send the boy over to pediatrics, and as soon as that happens, he's out of our hands." Namjoon reminds his friend and coworker, as they both silently agree, walking through the hall. "How's your puppy doing?"

"Awake, and she's been transferred out of the ICU this morning, so I'm gonna check on her now and see how she's doing." Jungkook sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"Have you decided if you want to take her in yet?" Namjoon wonders, greeting a fellow doctor who's passing by.

"No." Jungkook shakes his head. "Not.. yet."

It's a touchy subject for now- so Namjoon leaves it alone- letting the doctor enter your new room on his own, to check up on you.

It's quiet inside, no nurse yet present- and Jungkook is actually a little thankful for the short, quiet moment he's got. Standing close to you, he lets his hand run over one of your soft ears- now cleaned and fur soft and vibrant in color. It's something Jimin had informed him about yesterday- how you cried from happiness after he'd helped you properly clean your ears and tail, something that appeared to be very much unfamiliar and new to you.

It angers him, to know that you were nothing but something to show off until now.

So many of your health problems could've been avoided if you just had received any amount of proper care and attention. Yoongi already suspects that you might have developed some behavioral issues from the way you've been living until now- all that, combined with your physical troubles will take weeks if not months to resolve. If they ever resolve fully at all, that is.

Not that Jungkook really cares. He'd take you in even if you were to bite and scratch.

But it's not that easy, and he knows this. "Hello?" He carefully says as his hand shakes your shoulder gently. "Can you wake up for me for a moment?" He requests, and your eyes slowly open, squinting at the bright hospital lights, before you stretch- and hiss at something cramping. "Good morning." He greets you- and suddenly you seem to realize who's there- and your tail begins to wag under the blanket, ears turned towards him as you smile. "How do you feel, hm?" He wonders, but you don't answer.

It's to be expected. All of these traumatic events must've taken a toll on you- not just physically.

"Well you're looking a lot better already, that's for sure." Jungkook tells mostly himself, though he smiles when he spots you taking the praise for yourself as well. It gives him a moment just to quietly look at you; imagine what life could be like if someone like you was to wait for him inside his apartment, every day whenever he'd come home from work.

Surely, you'd turn his apartment into a home in no time. The thought of just a little more chaos inside his living space, a little more of a mess here and there, a bit of disorder in his life, might just be what could color his life a little more vibrantly. Make things more exciting, more emotionally valuable- maybe it could even make his life less about work, and more about..

well, living.

You're yawning, and he laughs, train of thought broken as he pets your head teasingly, before the door opens, and a very chipper Jimin walks in. "Ah, there's my favorite person!" He sings almost, walking in to put the small tray of food down, before he looks at Jungkook. "And you too, Doctor Jeon."

"Well thank you." Jungkook jokes, before he watches as Jimin opens the tray, revealing some light soup and rice for you to eat. It's only a small portion- just to slowly ease you back into eating, and not overwhelm you again. He notices how attached you seem to what he recognizes is an empty pillowcase of all things you seem to cling to, probably for comfort, taken from your first room you occupied. It's another problem- you now have no one to bring you any clothes or comforting items into hospital at all.

You're alone, all by yourself.

And for some reason, the realization of that small fact hits him hard.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

It's been not even a full 24 hours, and you're already causing mischief.

"There you are!" Jungkook sighs, relieved to have finally found you near a vending machine two floors away from where you should be- which is in your room, in your bed. You, meanwhile, are just simply smiling at him, tail wagging at the sight of him crouching down to you to pet your head. "Come on now, you gave the poor nurses a near heart-attack by vanishing like that." He gently scolds, before he stands back up to his full height, reaching for your hand.

But you just let yourself fall to your side, stubborn. Tail still wagging, smacking onto the smooth floor.

"Got yourself a troublemaker, huh doctor Jeon?" An older nurse laughs, watching the interaction between the hybrid specialist and you while she prepares a cart with food trays for the patients. The news of Jungkook's interest in maybe adopting you permanently has made it's round quite quickly by now- mostly thanks to Jimin, who's the unofficial news reporter of every bit of gossip there is.

Jungkook sighs. "Seems like it." He chuckles, unable to really be upset with you, considering how glad he is to see you up and running again instead of pale and fighting in the ER. It's as if you finally realized that in here, no one actually wants to hurt you. No one blames you. No one is mad at you. You're actually being cared for here- you can truly be yourself, and no one's gonna get upset over it.

And slowly, Jungkook starts to see your true personality- which does help in his decision whether or not you'll fit into his life, or not. He's not made one yet- the papers are still at home, on his desk in his office, unsigned.

It's a tough decision to make, after all.

On one hand, sure; he really likes you, you seem absolutely sweet and also independent enough to stay at home by yourself if he goes by all of your documents, which included general assessment of your overall intelligence and social capabilities. You're a bit of an odd case- while your instincts are very strong, your hybrid features very well developed, and your overall behavior shows habits and reactions similar to a hybrid much higher on the scale, you do know how to properly process situations in a more human way.

For example; Loud noises startle you, but they don't make you panic. Food and snacks make you excited, but they're useless as bribery if you don't want to do something. You can read, write, and are educated to a very good degree, and you understand social cues without any issues.

But on the other hand, Jungkook isn't a man with endless patience. He gets frustrated easily, especially with himself- so what if he snaps at you on accident? Will you understand that he doesn't mean it badly, and that it's not even directed at you? And what about when he has to work- will you be lonely in his home, unhappy but too nice to actually tell him? He doesn't want you to just waste away while he's too focused on his career. It's something important for him, after all- he can't just quit and call it a day.

Even if you were to say that you don't need the attention, or the affection, or constant care or anything at all- he'd still feel bad for not providing it anyways. Because you deserve it. You deserve someone who can love you each day properly, someone who doesn't have to push you to the back every time his job has to take priority.

He's not sure what decision to make.

Or if there's even a choice at all.

Suddenly, you're pulling on his shirt to get back his attention- probably because he started to look mad while thinking. He knows he does this- it's why he usually turns away from patients whenever he has to think about something, which makes his face look upset. "I'm not mad." He reassures you, smiling again, petting your ears again while you watch him with suspicion. You're currently in a different headspace, regressing after all the stress and honestly rather traumatic events, which makes communication a little difficult- but everyone manages, since you're quite expressive in other ways, able to tell what you want and think either way.

Jungkook wants to take care of you- he wants to take you home, and make sure you're happy forever, but he can't be selfish, or too fast with his decision.

"Now come on, it's lunch soon. You hungry?" He asks, and you nod, tail wagging as you stand up alongside him, hand holding onto his shirt as you walk next to him-

and this time, he decides to cave in a little, as he instead holds your hand in his while walking back to your room with you.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Jungkook likes to play music in his apartment, even if it's just quiet.

It fills the space with noise, makes him feel less lonely, takes his mind off of things. It helps relax. But tonight, it doesn't really work, as he sits in his office, sighing as he looks at the unsigned paperwork still on his desk in front of him. He's read through all the documents more than twice now, knows what's written down, what information it all gives out to him- and yet, he's unsure what to do with it.

If he signs it, you'll be given to him for a foster time first- three weeks of 'trying it out' so to speak, to see if you're a good fit for him, and if he's a good fit for you. During that time, a careworker will visit randomly to check up once or twice, and at the end of it, it's you both who have to agree to an actual permanent registration. But Jungkook worries, he always does.

The thing he worries most about, is the fact that he feels like he's already in too deep. There's a small, pink and white plush toy in his lap after all, bought yesterday straight after work from a store specializing in hybrid clothing and other items. It's a comfort plush that holds scents very well, so he keeps it close to his body ever since buying it to offer it to you tomorrow morning when he's back in hospital to check up on you.

And yes, he has been browsing what a dog hybrid of your specific breed might need to live a happy life. He might also have looked up options for sports or other activities you might want to do-

he's really in deep, isn't he?

He sighs yet again, scratching his head in frustration after he puts down the pen, staring at the 'signature here' spot at the bottom. It could all be so easy, but he really doesn't want to fuck this all up.

He knows from Taehyung, an anesthesiologist and good friend, that having a hybrid can actually work out perfectly. He's balancing it just fine, his own hybrid at home happy and healthy, his work never suffering, his happiness thriving. The young medical worker always shows off pictures of him and his hybrid, proudly, and he really has every reason to be, considering where she came from.

But Jungkook also knows how tough it can be.

He's reminded of it every time he checks up on Yoongi and his cat hybrid- now awake, but clearly in distress over her lack of control over her own body, and it's going to be a long road to recovery for her and Yoongi just as much. He knows they'll get through it- but the amount of heartbreak and absolute terror that went down just scared Jungkook, straight up.

And he knows, your future together is absolutely going to be both of those scenarios- good, and bad.

"What's the worst that can happen.." He hums to himself, one hand playing with the fuzz of the comfort plush in his lap, little black eyes staring blankly at him, tiny mouth curved into a forever smile.

You deserve a happy future. You deserve to have opportunities, and care, and affection, and a stable environment you can rely on, and thrive in. And he won't ever really gain the knowledge of that happening if he's not the one providing that for you.

And yet, the doubts are still there, clouding his mind.

What's he going to do?

[moeswriting]

mine | 2. we were sitting there by the water

pairing: young!no-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

chapter summary: joel miller is falling in love and you’re learning to love, but joel’s hiding something big from you that might change everything, 

or the first and third date

chapter warnings: panic attack, implied parental abuse, joel is 22 and reader is 20, descriptions of a bad marriage and teenage pregnancy (Joel), reader is described a small amount (has hair, able-bodied, wears feminine clothing, is going to school for secondary english education, has a heavily-detailed background), joel being The Single Dad™, this author HATES sand but loves the idea of the beach, reader’s best friend being horny af, reader walking in on someone having barely-described sex, a thinly-veiled gilmore girls reference that probably no one but me will get, and an OC that the author is pretty sure is just chappell roan with a different name and a country accent

word count: 7.1k

a/n: i actually cannot thank y'all enough for all the love this series has gotten already. i am so excited to show y'all the story i have planned for these two (next chapter we'll get some sarah, and then it'll be three ;) ) . hope you like this chapter! any reblogs and notes are appreciated <3

series masterlist | last chapter -> | next chapter ->

read this chapter on ao3

Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water?

You put your arm around me for the first time

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

You are the best thing that's ever been mine

✦ ✦ ✦

October 1994

“I didn’t know you had it in ya. I’m impressed.”

You’re rifling through your closet, as your roommate rambles in her thick Texan accent from across the room. Joel’s supposed to be here in an hour. You had just gotten out of class and were desperately trying to pull yourself together before he got here. He had told you to dress nice– that he was taking you to dinner and you had left your dorm this morning thinking you had something to wear, but now that you’re standing in front of every piece of clothing you own, you’re not sure that any of it is good enough.

You groan, “Elaine, I will kill you. I won’t hesitate this time.”

“My baby girl is finally gonna get some,” she squeals, jumping on her bed and hopping onto the ground elegantly, her fiery red hair fanning around her perfectly like it always does. Even in her current outfit of a shirt she stole from some frat boy she fucked last week and pink boxer shorts, she was perfect.

“Elaine…”

She prances over to you, hands on her hips, mischief in her eyes. You go back to looking in your closet.

“I need more information,” she pauses, looking you up and down, “What do we think he’s packin’?”

You groan again, digging the heels of your palms into your eyes, “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you about this. I’m going to move out. I am requesting a roommate change.”

She guides your hands away from your face and giggles, “I’m sorry. This is just very important to me. I need to know everythin’.”

“There’s not much to know. We only talked for like half an hour,” you sigh. You pull a white dress and a denim vest from their hangers and toss them on your bed. Good enough.

She throws her hands up into the air when you walk away from her. “Okay, well, at least tell me what he looks like?”

You strip down to your underwear and pull the dress over your head. “Well… he’s tall, muscular. Curly brown hair, brown eyes– pretty, the kind that crinkle when he smiles… God, even his nose was pretty– strong–” you button your vest tightly to your chest, it’s almost like a corset– “I don’t think I’ve seen a prettier man in my life.”

“So… packin’?” She smirks.

You blush, throwing your hands up in the air, “Yeah, probably!”

She squeals, clapping her hands together. The sound almost makes you smile, but you smother it behind a groan.

“Oh my god. I’m so done with this. Tell me if this outfit is cute.”

She walks over to you and grabs your shoulders, face and voice genuine as she whispers, “Oh, baby… You are so beautiful. If Joel doesn't want you, then I might give you a go.”

“Well, let’s hope Joel wants me then.”

Elaine gasps and runs to her bed, grabbing the nearest pillow. You brace for impact as she throws it towards you with a giggle. Hello Kitty flies right into your face and plops to the ground as you squeal.

She pauses her laughter, her expression becoming serious as she stares at you.

“Why do you look like you’re going to puke?”

You glare at her and duck into your closet again for a pair of shoes, “Shut up.”

Docs will do, you think.

“No, seriously. Two seconds ago you made it sound like he was the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with and now you look green. What’s wrong with you?”

You sit in your desk chair and pull your boots on, avoiding eye contact with your persistent best friend when you answer her question.

“Because I’ve spent the past twenty years of my life avoiding being in a relationship at all costs and this guy's nice and handsome and funny and I just don’t want to let him down… y’know?”

Elaine says your name sternly, “You could never let anyone down. You are amazing and way too good for literally any man on earth, but from what you’ve told me, he seems like he might be decent enough.”

She pauses, walking over to you and putting her hands on your shoulders, “You need to get out there. If you never try, you’re gonna be lonely for the rest of your life and as much as I want to try to save you from that– you need to do that all on your own, baby.”

You take a deep breath, or as much of a deep breath as your vest will let you, and let it out, “I know. I just don’t… I don’t want to waste my time on something that probably won’t last.”

Her facial expression drops into annoyance, “You have no idea! You have no idea if this could last. You think that every relationship is doomed to fail, and that’s just not fair! At least give the guy a chance to prove it could work out.”

You pause to think over her words. He’s cute. This could just be some fun, even if it doesn’t last. You toss your thoughts back and forth before you give in.

“Okay. But if this doesn’t work out, we’re going to reflect back on this moment and I’ll get to say, ‘I told you so’ over and over until we die.”

She points a finger at you. “You are pathetic.”

“And so are you.” You stick your tongue out at her and she does the same to you.

A knock at your door alerts you to his presence.

Elaine squeals, jumping up and down, her hair flying everywhere.

You shush her and walk to the door, opening it.

His brown curls are somewhat contained by some gel he obviously doesn’t know how to use and he’s freshly shaven his face. He’s wearing blue jeans and a white dress shirt tucked neatly into a belt that makes his waist look heavenly. He’s wearing the same cowboy boots he wore last time you saw him. He looks beautiful.

Elaine is poking your back and giggling in your ear. You would be giggling too if you didn’t think it would make you look like a weirdo.

He pulls a bundle of white and purple from behind his back and thrusts it into your hands, like they’re going to burn him if he keeps holding onto them. Flowers– carnations and lavender with a hint of baby’s breath.

You chuckle at his insistence and take them from him, “Wow, Joel, they’re beautiful. Thank you.”

“Yeah, 's no problem. Figured you like purple so,” he trails off, stuffing his hands in his pocket. He smiles bashfully, cheeks a burning red. The fluorescent lighting of your dorm hall makes the blush on his face look much darker than it already is. 

You know your face is flushed too.

“Uh, come on in! I’ll find a vase for these and we can go.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, following behind you as you push Elaine to her bed and rustle through your closet for the one vase you keep. You can feel Joel’s eyes on you as you bend down.

Elaine clears her throat impatiently.

You hum and narrow your eyes at her from your hunched over position, “That’s Elaine. Don’t worry about her.”

But, of course, since Joel is a Southern Gentleman and Elaine is a lady he’s never met, he introduces himself.

And it opens the floodgates.

She asks him about his job and his apartment and what size pants he wears and if he’s dated a lot. And, of course, he answers each question patiently, even the pants one (he's a 32, Elaine’s winking at you from across the room).

She’s still talking even as you shut the door in her face and Joel asks if that’s rude and you reply, “Just ignore her. She likes it,”

You can hear her cackling from the other side of the door.

The night goes brilliantly. When you get to his car parked across the street, he holds the door open for you and lets you pick the music station, even though you can tell he’s not exactly comfortable with your selection of pop– he doesn’t say anything though.

He takes you to a Colombian restaurant downtown where everyone knows him and greets him with loud declarations of, “It’s been too long, cariño,” and “you never come here enough, pendejo,” which he waves off with a, “I need a break from you all, sometimes.”

He orders you some empanadas (he insists that the woman who cooks them here is an empanada genius) and himself lechona, which gets him a side eye from the server and he just brushes him off.

You ask him what is wrong with the lechona, and he says that it’s supposed to be for breakfast or lunch, but he likes the rice dish for dinner instead. You smile when the server comes back with your food and flicks Joel on the head.

You talk about school and your favorite books and Joel talks about the diner’s latest gossip (Mr. Cassini and Doreen went on a date the other day, he hears it went well) and his brother who he just bailed out of jail this morning. You ask him why he was busted and he just shrugs and says, “Didn’t ask. All he said was he didn’t want mom to know, so I didn’t tell her.”

You listen to Joel talk about his brother and his “mama” like they hung the sun and the moon in the sky. He avoids talking about his father, you don’t ask.

He asks you about your family and all you can manage to say after a moment to think it over is, “Dad lives back in Washington. I don’t really talk to him much.”

He doesn’t ask anything else about your family after that.

When the server comes over with the check, you go to get your purse out and Joel clicks his tongue, “No, sugar, I got this.”

“But–”

“Put the purse down.”

You put your purse down.

He takes you back to your dorm with a blinding smile on his face, eyes crinkling with the intensity of it, and he walks you all the way back up to your door, even after you insist you can get there yourself.

He leaves you with a kiss on the cheek and a wink, “Bye, sugar.”

“Goodbye, Joel Miller.”

The smile doesn’t leave your face for days, which just makes Elaine smug– “I told ya so,” leaving her lips every time she catches you daydreaming.

You think maybe… maybe this could work.

✦ ✦ ✦

November 1994

“Get in the car, Sugar,” he yells from across the street, his blue pick-up rumbling way too loudly like it always does. He’s got his window down and a Johnny Cash song playing on the radio.

It’s a sunny day, beautiful for a day at the beach like Joel has been planning and waiting for for a couple weeks now. It’s in the low 70s and the air is still. It’s perfect. He’s perfect.

You giggle, “I’m coming; calm down!”

Your lilac sundress swishes between your legs as you run across the street and to the truck, looking both ways before you cross the street.

Leaning against his car door and into the window, he turns his cheek to you and you lean forward to kiss it. He hums in delight. 

His eyes are sparkling a bright honey brown in the sunlight when he looks you up and down. He swirls his finger around and you give in with a smile, spinning for him, the skirt of your dress swirling around you in a silken circle and flip flops smacking the ground almost comically.

“Darlin’, you look gorgeous.” His grin is unmatched in its brilliance.

You resume your position on the door, arms crossed, and smirk, “Oh, really? How gorgeous?”

He hums, his own smirk lighting up his face, “Hm, get in the truck and you might find out.”

You perk up, “Oo, are you gonna buy me a pony?”

“It might be better than that, baby,” he laughs.

You gasp, grabbing his face in both your hands, for nothing except the drama of it all, “What could possibly be better than a pony?”

“Sugar, get in the damn car before I drive away,” he deadpans, but you can see his smile fighting to see the light of day.

“Okay, okay,” you giggle again. You never seem to stop giggling when he’s around.

This is your third date with Joel. The second had gone just as well as the first– you went to see a movie, Forrest Gump. You cried like a baby into Joel’s flannel and he just squeezed your shoulder reassuringly, trying his best to comfort you while the other theater-goers looked at you like you were crazy. He glared at every one of them until they looked away from you.

The night ended with another kiss on the cheek, from you this time, not Joel as it was the time before. You wanted to kiss him for real, know what his chapped lips would feel like on yours, but you were too nervous that you would fuck it up, so you just resorted to what you knew would work.

But, you think tonight might end how you want it to.

You’d seen him since then, going to the diner a few times to study between your dates and waiting up for him until his shift was over so he could walk you home. You offered once jokingly to walk him home, but he had answered with a very serious and stern no. You didn’t ask him again after that.

When you’re on the road, the sweet tea Joel had picked up from the diner for you (“Extra sweet, just how you like it, baby”) in your possession, and the highway rushing past you, you slouch in your seat and sigh, “Music?”

This is the only point of contention between the two of you. Joel liked classic country and rock, you did sometimes too, but you preferred pop music. He knew that.

He chuckles, like he knows you’re dreading the country that you know he’s going to play, but instead he says, “I got something for you, baby.”

He reaches around your front to open the glove box and two CDs sit within the truck's papers.

You gasp, snatching them up and clutching them to your chest, “No way!”

He glances at you and then back to the road, grin broad and sparkling in the sunlight, “Yes way.”

“You got me Like a Prayer and Music Box!” You unbuckle your seatbelt and throw your arms around his shoulders.

You can tell he’s proud of himself as you tuck Madonna into his CD player and hit play. His grin stays on his face as he watches you sing along; you even hear him humming along to the choruses of a few songs he recognizes from the radio.

It’s a three and a half hour long drive to the nearest beach– you curse Texas for being so damn long. But it’s also nice, watching Joel drive you, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding onto your thigh where your dress doesn’t cover it. He traces circles and random shapes into your skin, eyes fixed on the road. At some point you grab his hand in both of yours and kiss his knuckles gently, before depositing it back where it belongs. He just squeezes your thigh in response.

You’re done with your tea within the first hour of the drive, which means you have to stop to pee by the second hour of the drive, so Joel stops for you in a small town off the highway and stands outside the bathroom in his short-sleeve button-up and khaki shorts (not at all intimidating if anyone asked you, he looked like a middle-aged dad on vacation) while he waits for you after he sees the cashier give you a look. You tell him he can wait in the car, that you’ll be fine, but he insists.

By the time you get to the beach, it’s around noon, so the sun is high in the sky as it shines down on you in a comforting hug of warmth. Joel, as he always does, runs to your side of the truck and opens your door for you. You give him a smile over your shoulder when he closes the door as well.

When you look out to the view in front of you, the breath knocks out of your lungs. You’ve never been to the beach in the South. You’d only gone to the beach once as a kid when your dad was having a good day. In Washington, the beaches were surrounded by bluffs of rock and the water was so cold you couldn’t really swim in them, but it was nice to stick your toes in the wet sand and go shell hunting. That’s one of the only memories that you have of your dad where he isn’t angry, where he smiles.

But the water rolling out in front of you is the bluest blue you’ve ever seen. It’s mesmerizing, watching the waves crash into the shore and each other. Seagulls squawk above you, demanding attention from the people below. The sun watches on in fascination at the beauty of the planet it warms.

The truck door slams behind you and Joel taps your back lightly, urging you forward. He has a small cooler and a couple towels thrown over his shoulder, one blue and the other purple. His free hand takes yours when you start to walk towards the shore.

He lays out the towels next to each other, overlapping slightly in the middle, out on the grains of sand and delicately places the cooler next to the blue towel.

You point to the cooler, “What’s that?”

He flops onto the blue fabric and shields his eyes as he looks up at you, “Momma made us some lunch. Said I’m useless at lunch– says I make a mean dinner, but I don’t know how to make lunch light enough for travel.”

You sit next to him on the purple towel. You wonder if he got it just for you. “Well, what momma says, goes.”

He chuckles, “Yes, it does.”

His eyes meet yours in a stare that’s so intimate and personal you think it might be inappropriate to do in front of all these people. His eyes are the prettiest shade of brown you’ve ever seen, it’s almost like honey is dripping down from his hair and into his irises. They’re soft in that way that only the people who have been through too much can convey. You need to know why their softness matches yours.

You break eye contact and make grabby-hands at the cooler, “Gimme.”

You can feel the pause in the air as he holds his stare, looking you up and down, before he does as you tell him.

You pull open the cooler and in it is a sealed bowl of cut apples (which have browned slightly, but are still beautifully crisp looking), two sandwiches you can’t yet identify the filling of, a couple arepas in a plastic bag, and two bottles of water.

A little note is attached to the top of the cooler, but Joel is quick to pull it away from your eyeshot. You try to ignore the curiosity that takes over you.

“Looks yummy,” you hum. 

He hums back, crossing his legs beneath him. “It is. My momma makes the best arepas in the world.”

“Tell your mom I said, ‘thank you for lunch’.”

“Of course, sugar.”

You fall into a comfortable silence as Joel lays out the food.

You take a bite of the arepa and moan in delight. You tell Joel you’ve never had anything better in your mouth in your life. He makes a joke that makes you choke and he loses it, slapping his legs and chortling so hard that he snorts, which makes you break out into unbridled laughter when you recover from your coughing fit.

It’s simple, easy– this thing with Joel. It feels good. It feels right.

You hear kids screaming and giggling as they run after each other, watching as they kick up sand under their feet. Parents watch on with matching grins on their faces, sitting under umbrellas with towels laid out under them. The kids make you smile too.

You can feel Joel’s eyes on you again. Maybe you just have a sixth sense for when Joel is looking at you. You wish he was always looking at you; inside and out. You wish you could rip your secrets out of your guts and give them to him and say, “Look at me. This is me.” You wish he’d show you his too.

Maybe someday.

When you’re finished with your lunch, you stand up and pull him with you up and towards the shore, leaving both of your shoes behind.

You take your first step into the water, bracing for the cold, but all you find is warmth. And you sigh in relief.

Joel’s arms wrap around your waist from behind you, his chin sitting on your shoulder, his hands gripping yours as you bring your arms up to his.

“Thank you,” he whispers into your ear.

You let out a breath of amusement, “For what?”

He kisses your shoulder, chapped lips on soft, sunkissed skin. “For being here.”

You hum.

“Let’s go find seashells.” You take his hand and drag him back towards the shore. He just nods and lets you take him wherever you want.

You spend the next hour searching the shore up and down for seashells. You find so many, that you have to take multiple trips back to your towels to deposit them. It’s good. You’ll leave most of them here for the creatures that use them as their homes, but you’ll take one home. One for you and one for Joel.

When you decide you’re done, you hand Joel your favorite– a purple and pink shell, one of the classic looking ones– and Joel hands you his– a gray shell with faint brown lines splaying out from the middle. You ask him why it’s his favorite and he says, “It’s simple. Does the job, doesn’t need to be all flashy.”

You have to stop yourself from laughing at the fact that Joel has somehow found the least interesting seashell on this beach and turned it into something beautiful and so him to you. He is so… perfect.

Your day continues, seashells stored safely in the cooler and the leftovers sprinkled back over the shore, except for a pink one that you give to a little girl who tugs on your dress and asks for it. You crouch down and hand it to her with a bright smile and a nod. You get the feeling again that Joel is watching you, observing you.

You and Joel end up in a splash fight at some point, soaked and cracking up at the shock on each other’s faces. You feel something you haven’t felt in a long time; unstoppable joy– joy that feels like it’s never going to end.

You build a sandcastle, which really ends up being more of a sand pyramid without any tools to assist you, but you love it just the same. You poke a stick into the top and call it a flag pole. Joel calls it a masterpiece, but he’s not looking at the sand, he’s looking at you.

The sun is starting to go down when Joel decides that it’s probably time to leave, but you force him to sit on the towels for a few more minutes as you watch the sun set. You can feel the sand all over you, it’s stuck in between your toes and your fingers, catches on the inside of your thighs as you rub them together in an attempt to get warmer. It’s gotten much colder as the sun goes down and your sundress is not very good at keeping in heat.

Joel wraps his arm around you and pulls you into his side. You can’t help but glance down at his lips as you lift your head up to look at him.

The sunset makes him look heavenly. The shadows of the rising night make his features look softer, makes the brown of his hair shine in the dim glow. He is beautiful. What did you do to deserve a man this beautiful to give you the time of day?

He’s looking at you too, lips open slightly and eyes roaming your face. You watch him stop on your lips a few times before you just decide to do it.

You grab his face and bring it to yours in a kiss you know you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

You knew his lips would feel like an oasis in the desert, despite the fact that they were chapped from a lack of water and his beard is slightly tickling your upper lip, but this is so intense, it feels almost better than that. Like finding the other half of your soul and fusing into one. Like entering heaven and feeling at peace for the first time in your life.

His lips are moving against yours now, tongue sneaking its way into your mouth,, but it’s not desperate. It’s searching, exploratory, like he’s trying to figure out who you are and how to make you his.

You break the kiss, the need to breathe takes over and you look up through your eyelashes at Joel, “That was…”

“Amazing, sugar. Best kiss of my life,” he breathes out.

You feel your face get hot under his gaze.

Not able to stand the feeling rushing through you, you stand and hold your hand out for him. He takes it and you help pull him up.

“Let’s get you home, baby.” He picks up your stuff and makes his way to the truck, but not without another chaste kiss from you first. You hope you’ll be getting a lot more of those in your future.

You don’t want to leave him. He feels like home.

✦ ✦ ✦

It takes a few hours, most of it humming along to the radio and staring longingly at Joel from your seat with your hand in his, but you’re back in front of your dorm. You’ve been sitting in his truck for the last couple minutes, knees tucked into your chest, as you waited for “Material Girl” to end, insisting that he had to let it play the whole song or you’d put him on some kind of hitlist. He would’ve let you do anything you wanted, threat of a hitlist or not, you know that.

When it’s done, he switches the music off and sits in the silence.

He mutters your name, “I– I got something to tell ya.”

You turn your head to look at him, it still laying on your knees. He looks scared, eyebrows furrowed and hand scratching his beard.

“Sure, anything.”

He makes you stew in the sound of the old truck rumbling for a moment while he thinks over what he’s about to say. It makes you nervous, his hesitation. 

“I’ve got a daughter.”

Your heart falls to the ground beneath you. You can’t help but lift your head and scrunch your face up in confusion.

A daughter?

You have a daughter?

Are you like him?

God, please, don’t be like him.

“Oh… Wow!”

He runs a hand through his hair, “Yeah.”

What do you say to that? How are you supposed to respond like a normal human being? 

“What’s her name?” Good enough.

“Sarah. Sarah Esperanza Miller. Gave her my momma’s name. Esperanza, that is. Her first name is Manda’s momma’s.”

“That’s a pretty name,” you reply, mystified.

A daughter.

This young man sitting in front of you is a father. You suspect you should’ve seen it sooner. Seen it in the way he holds himself, like he’s always half-awake, like he is in constant need of a nap. Seen it in the way he shows up for work with applesauce strewn across his shirt. Seen it in the way he doesn’t bother to shave for weeks at a time– lets his scruff grow into a beard before he finally decides to cut it all off again. Seen it in the way he cares so deeply, like he would give all of himself just for the people he loved to have everything they ever wanted.

But, you guess your dad was never really sober long enough for you to notice what a father should look like.

“I’d like to think so,” he chuckles lightly.

“How old is she?”

“Turned four in July. Had a princess birthday party for her. Didn’t stop wearing the damn tiara for a month afterwards,” he smiles, eyes misty like he’s reliving the memory right in front of you.

“Well, if I had a tiara, I’d wear it all the time too.” You let out a little breath of a laugh.

He chuckles, “I bet you would, sugar.”

He looks you up and down, evaluating your reaction to his news. You don’t know what he sees, because if you’re honest, you don’t know what you feel.

He nods once, looking back out to the street in front of you. Guess he found what he was looking for.

“Manda got pregnant when we were seventeen. Stupid– didn’t use protection like we should’ve. We had just graduated high school when she gave birth to Sarah. Got married a couple months after that cause our daddy’s told us we had to, especially hers. He told her she was a whore, kicked her out the house, told her he’d never let her step into his house again if we didn’t get married like we were supposed to.

“Supposed to,” he scoffs, “We should’ve never got married. She was a free-spirit. Never liked being in one place for long. A couple weeks after Sarah’s second birthday, she left us. Nothing but a note and the divorce papers.”

He sighs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

Twenty-two and a single-father. You think he might be the bravest man you’ve ever met.

“Anyways,” he sighs, looking back to you, “Sarah’s my whole life. Everything I do is for her. And I know that’s a lot, ‘specially cause we’re so young and you’re still in school. I don’t wanna put that kinda’ pressure on you. So, this is me givin’ you an out, if you want it.”

You tilt your head to him as he continues, “But, I just want you to know that I’m all in–” he points to you and then him– “this, us– I’m all in.”

This is a tipping point. Whatever decision you made was going to change everything. If you said no, you were never going to see this man again– this man who just gave you one of the best days of your life and respected you and liked you. You wouldn’t even be able to give him a chance to show you how great life with him could be. But if you said yes, you would be committing to a relationship with a man who was already so grown-up, a man with a child. Would that make you… would that make you a mother if it all worked out with Joel?

“This is… a lot,” you mutter, eyes flicking to his hunched frame, highlighted in the dim, flickering glow of the street lights surrounding you.

Your lungs aren’t filling all the way. You can’t breathe.

His face falls, hopeful eyes going misty. “Yeah, it’s alright– I understand.”

Oh no, that’s not what you meant.

“But– I… Joel, this is a lot,” you blurt out, both hands flying out to grab his right hand, “But, I wanna give it some thought. Can I… Can I have some time to think about this?”

The softness comes back to his face, “Of course, sugar. Take all the time you need.”

His hand shifts between yours so it takes your left and he squeezes it lightly.

“Thank you. For telling me.” You squeeze back. Tears are stinging your eyes, desperate to escape their prison, to show the man in front of you that you aren’t ready for this, aren’t made for this. It takes everything in you to keep them at bay.

“Thank you for not bolting,” he chuckles, “I tried dating once since Manda left and… let’s just say it did not go too well.”

His face scrunches up in mock disgust and you laugh lightly. Your chest hurts with the effort. You feel the overwhelming need to bolt.

You hesitate, hand reaching for the door blindly behind you, “I’ve gotta– I’ve gotta go. I’ve got a lot of assignments to do tomorrow. But, I’ll call you. Later.”

He looks you up and down, smile fading, scrutinizing gaze evaluating you. Please, you beg to anyone who will listen, please don’t let him see it.

He nods, face expressionless, “Okay. See ya.”

He saw.

You open the door and climb out. You turn around and grab the lowered window in a last ditch effort to comfort yourself, maybe him too. He is real. He is kind. He is not him.

“This isn’t goodbye, Joel.” You hope that isn’t a lie. 

He nods. You think you might see his eyes glistening when they catch the light. You can’t breathe.

You want to kiss him so badly that it hurts to pull away, like ripping your soul apart and leaving it open and bloody for everyone to watch as you bleed out.

Your hand falls back to your side. And you jog across the street and walk to the door of your building. Walk, not bolt.

✦ ✦ ✦

Joel curses himself as he watches you walk away, dress swaying in the wind of the oncoming rain.

Why didn’t he say something sooner?

Fuck.

He can’t breathe. Can’t even get himself to leave.

He thought he found it, someone who he could let into his life, but of course he had to fuck that up like he always does.

He wasn’t lying when he had told you that he was all in. He thinks maybe he was being dramatic or just trying too hard to get you to stay, but he understands now, breath not quite getting to his lungs, that he meant it. Meant every word of it.

He scared you. He didn’t want to scare you anymore with his self-inflicted hurt, so he made sure you didn’t see it– left his face stoic as you walked away. He hopes that didn’t scare you either.

His chest burns. It hurts. But he needs to get home. Tommy is waiting for him. Sarah is waiting for him.

“Fuck,” he yells, slamming his hands into the steering wheel. And he drives away, tears blurring his vision and raindrops falling heavily on his windshield

✦ ✦ ✦

When you open the door to your room, you can hear moaning coming from Elaine’s side of the room. The curtain around her bed is drawn, a red glow emanating from the pink, strawberry-covered curtain.

You debate turning around, sitting in one of the band practice rooms in the basement and wait for Elaine to page you to say you can come up. You’ve done it before. She hadn’t been very happy with you afterwards, demanding that next time you just subtly announce your arrival and she would stop and send her partner on their way.

Before you can even end the debate in your mind, the door shuts loudly behind you and the moaning stops abruptly.

You wince as you hear rustling, swears and what you can only assume is clothing being thrown. A few moments later, Elaine’s messy hair peeks out of the curtain and she squints her eyes in the darkness to see you. 

“Hey, baby girl. What’s going on?”

You hear a woman’s voice come quietly from behind her, “Who the fuck is that?”

She hushes them, holding a finger up to her lips.

Turning back to you, she sighs, “Are you alright, baby?”

You sniff, voice watery, “Yeah, I just wanted to go to bed, but I can go.”

Elaine’s eyes go wide as she disappears behind the curtain again and hisses, “You have to leave.”

Dread runs down your spine.

You hadn’t meant to ruin her… whatever this was.

You hear them talk to each other in hushed tones, but you can’t hear exactly what they’re saying. It doesn’t matter. You just need to get out.

You turn to leave, heaving breaths only filling your lungs halfway. Fuck, fuck, fuck…

You hear Elaine’s stern voice as she yells at you from behind the fabric, “If that’s you leaving, I will kill you. Stay where you are.”

You freeze.

A woman stumbles out of Elaine’s heightened bed and barely makes it to the ground standing. She glares at you, as she fumbles to put her heels back on. She looks mean. She looks exactly like Elaine’s type.

“I am so sorry–”

“Don’t you dare apologize to her. She is fine,” Elaine cuts you off as she slides gracefully out of her bed and lands with a soft thud on the carpet. She’s got mascara running down her face and she’s wearing a baby tee and men’s boxers like she always is– this time it’s Barbie’s decapitated head on a pink background and gray shorts. Despite the fact that she looks like she just had sex (which she had, or was trying to before you had fucking interrupted her), she looks gorgeous.

“But, I–”

She puts a finger up in the air, silencing you.

Elaine’s blonde is done putting her shoes on and is at the door with a scowl on her face, “E, you cannot be serious.”

“Go away before I punch you in the boob,” she states with a finality that makes the girl turn around and go, but not without rolling her eyes first.

Before the door is even done shutting behind her, Elaine is hugging you fiercely and pulling back before you even get the chance to melt into it, cupping your cheeks in her hands.

“What the fuck happened, baby?”

Your mind is off the blonde already. She holds you while you cry, and you try to take deep breaths that just stop short in your lungs. She cares– she has always cared.

You tell her about the drive there and the CDs that he had bought just for you and the seashells (fuck the seashells) and the way he held you as you watched the sunset together and…

“A child, Lane! He has a daughter. How could he not tell me he had a daughter?”

Elaine is spinning around in her desk chair, chest squished into the backrest, face turned up at the ceiling, her long, curly, red hair bouncing as it swirls around her. This is her thinking position.

You’re pacing back and forth, still in the dress and sandals you wore to the beach. You think you might be trailing sand into the rug below you. You’ll vacuum it later when you’re not absolutely panicking. 

“Well, maybe he was scared.” She gets louder and quieter as her spinning pulls her voice around the room.

You throw your hands up in the air. “Well, now I’m scared!”

She hums, spinning coming to a stop. 

“Is it a good scared or a bad scared?”

You turn to her with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows, “What could that possibly mean?”

“It means are you scared that you like him too much, or are you scared you don’t like him enough?”

You blink at her, wide eyes trained on her own.

Slowly, you back up to your bed and jump onto the edge with a huff. Fuck. She knew you too well.

You think of his strong hands and his soft eyes. How he talks so candidly about his adoring mother and his troubled brother. How he lights up when he talks about his guitar. How he held you on the beach. How he so obviously loves his daughter. How you love that he loves so deeply.

Love.

You shrink into yourself, arms wrapping around your bent knees, nose tucking into the space between your legs.

“Too much.”

You can hear her brain working from the other side of the room, her nails clicking together as her mouth tries to catch up with her brain.

“Is this really a bad thing?”

Your head whips out from its hiding place, “What?”

She shrugs, “I mean, I don’ know. You like him and if he has a kid, and is supporting her well, doesn’t that mean he’s mature? That he might be a good person to depend on? To love?”

Love.

You can follow her logic– you’d thought the exact same thing yourself.

“But, that means that I have to mother a child. I don’t know how to be a mother! You know I don’t know how to do that,” you ramble.

She scoffs, getting up from her chair and making her way over to you, “No, it don’t. Baby, you have no idea what this means. You told me that he knew this might be too much, especially since you’re so young. And I know that you don’t do too well with parental figures.”

You nod slowly. She’s right. She’s always right.

She smiles, taking your face in her hands again, “Tell him how you feel. Make it clear to him that you wanna try with him and that you have reservations about the whole ‘daughter’ thing. I think it’s good that he told you before it was too late.”

You search her green eyes for a sign, for something to latch onto. To tell you this is a bad idea. To leave him behind. But all you find is her usual raw honesty and adoration for you. She wouldn’t tell you to do something you weren’t ready for.

“‘Sides, you ain’t even fucked him yet, so that can really determine if he’s worth the time or not.”

She giggles as you push her away from you with your feet on her chest.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t, baby girl.”

You hold a hand out to her and she takes it, soft hand enveloping yours. Pulling her into your chest, you sigh and wrap your arms around her shoulders and your legs around her waist– a common position for the two of you. Elaine jokingly refers to it as your “clingy sloth” hug.

“No… I don’t.”

✦ ✦ ✦

To: Joel

From: Me

i wanna try, but we need to talk

series masterlist | masterlist of all masterlists 🌼 | eras masterlist 🌻

[miscling]

i went on a big adventure, and i can't decide where to start in terms of posting about it.

well, the short version is i went to a fantastic fetish market in the uk with @capnsoapy, who is a wonderful cute charming little puppy. i had a wonderful time exploring a new place and getting to know it better and hanging out in a deeply kinky space.

i also spent an unwise amount of money on new playthings to add to my toybox, which i have obviously taken a bunch of pictures to show off, i have new wonderful leatherwear, spiky things, a new sensory deprivation hood, some very fun play knives, and my new wife (i love her so much). i'll share some links to where i got things from as i go (all uk shops, which were what i wanted to find at the market more than anything else. i'm super excited about all the stuff i got. i picked up so many business cards for so many shops, that if you name something you want to find, i can probably point you in a direction)

the long version is long, and below.

so first, i got a new collar and lead

look at that colour! i went into the market with a mindset that i didn't have much carrying capacity, so my plan was to only buy stuff i fell in love with immediately. i would have loved to find a day collar of some kind, but this one leapt onto me. it's shaped and has rings on the front and back so the lead can be attached to either, and is really comfy - i haven't taken it off since i got home. (sold by leatherdelights.co.uk)

next is the best stim toy i have ever found:

it's basically a rolling pin covered in little spikes that has a blue-red shift as you roll it. it'll be a sadistic little tickle/sensation tool, but to be honest just rolling it between your hands is amazing in itself. it was passing between me and soapy all afternoon. i got it from spikySHXT.co.uk

the next bits also came from there too!

look at these cuties! i had to do a little ropework to show them off, because they're little spikes to wrap around shibari in case you have a wrigging escape artist or masochist. i'm gonna have a lot of fun with these. imagine them attached to a crotch rope, for example!

my love for sensory deprivation led me to the next bit

yeah. it's a bag. it's cotton with a blackout lining. once you're in it, you can't see much at all. i can see a little bit of the swirly pattern though, which more than a few of you will see the appeal of. i like it for not being as intense and overwhelming as some hoods that sit against the hair and face tightly, while still getting the same effect. it comes from Head Bags UK

okay so what do you all think about knifeplay?

so i've been wanting some play-knives for a while, but the uk is kinda harsh on the sale of knives so finding places to buy them is kinda difficult. i saw these knives and immediately fell in love. they can be sharpened for more of an edge, which i'm definitely going to do, becuase these are amazing. they're from cotswold wood art

finally i get to introduce my wife who i love and adore

i have been riding her pretty much all day, including the whole time i've been writing this post. i picked her up and knew i had to have her. it feels amazing to grind against, especially when one of the tentacles is penetrating me, and it also came with a remote vibe that slots into the base so i am having a lot of fun with her. she came from sinnovator which does all kinds of monsterfucky toys.

also... if you made it this far and you have me on discord you should totally ask me for the video i recorded earlier of me and my wife enjoying our marriage.

[mysteryshoptls]

SR Sebek Zigvolt - Ceremonial Robes Vignette

"I shall speak quickly!!"

[Mirror Chamber]

Sebek: Hm... I think this should be the route my lord should take to today's ceremony.

Crowley: Ah, good timing. Zigvolt-kun!

Sebek: Headmage…? I was not aware of any meetings you may have with my liege…

Crowley: Am I not allowed to casually speak to my own students?

Crowley: Although actually, I was hoping you could help me prepare for the ceremony we are holding later. We are currently a little short-handed.

Crowley: There are two things I wish to request.

Crowley: First is escorting the guests. Second is to carry chairs and desks from Ramshackle.

Crowley: Both are simple tasks. Would you attend to these?

Sebek: Since it is a personal request from the Headmage yourself, I shall not refuse. I accept.

Sebek: Although, it is very evident that more assistance would be needed…

Crowley: Ah, no need to worry about that. I've already wrangled up three other fantastic helping hands.

Crowley: Or perhaps I should actually say it's 3 pairs of human hands, and one with paws…?

Grim: Myaaaaaaah!! I never said I was gonna help!

1. We have to. 2. Good students would do the tasks given them.

Jamil: Headmage, I would appreciate this being over with swiftly.

Sebek: Grim and [Yuu], huh. And the Vice Housewarden from Scarabia.

Sebek: Two scrawny humans and a small animal. I don't mean to be rude, but will these three be sufficient?

Jamil: If you have any complaints, you can ask someone else, then.

Crowley: Now, now. Grim-kun and [Yuu]-kun are probably the most knowledgeable when it comes to Ramshackle.

Crowley: Please have the two of them show you exactly where the chairs and desks are stored. Now then, I'll leave it to you all.

Jamil: So, that basically means [Yuu] and Grim will be getting the chairs and desks.

Sebek: It'll take all day if I leave it to just you two. I'll help as well.

Grim: The way you say that kinda pisses me off!

Sebek: I simply spoke the truth. How many chairs are you able to even carry in those little paws of yours?

Jamil: Hey, no fighting. I guess that means I'll be escorting the guests. [Yuu], look after these two.

Sebek: I cannot allow anything to keep my lord waiting for me. We should finish these tasks as quickly as possible.

Sebek: Hey, you two. Hurry and take me to Ramshackle, already.

Grim: Don't be tryin' to boss me around just 'cause you're bigger than me!

[Ramshackle Dorm – Hallway]

Sebek: So, this is the room with all the chairs and desks, I see. Then, allow me…

1. If you try to open it too forcefully… 2. We haven't started cleaning that room yet!

Grim: Yahoo, just slam that sucker open!

[SLAM!!]

Sebek: Urgh!? [cough, cough] Wh-what's with all the dust…!? It's as though it has been neglected for decades...

Grim: Myaha! Serves you right!

Sebek: Grim, you little… [cough] If you keep messing around, we'll never finish our tasks!

Grim: Hrk… Guess this guy has a point somehow…

Sebek: [sigh] …The room is one thing, but it looks like the chairs and desks aren't that dusty.

Sebek: However, it's not like they can be used as they are now. I'll bring them outside the room, so you two should wipe them down quickly.

1. Got it! 2. You good with that, Grim?

Grim: Hrrrrn～ Then, I guess I'll go and do ya the honor of grabbing a rag for ya! You better thank me!

Sebek: A good retainer knows that action speak louder than words. Hurry and bring that cleaning cloth already.

Grim: Mrraaah! You're just so annoyin'!

Sebek: Alright. I've finished carrying out all the chairs and desks. Have you finished wiping them all down?

Grim: Oh, yeah, we're done! They're all spick and span!

Sebek: Time to carry these to the Mirror Chamber, then. It may take us a few trips to carry all of these.

Sebek: Hup…

Grim: Myah!? You sure you can just carry 8 chairs like that!?

Sebek: Of course, this small amount is no problem whatsoever.

Grim: I-I can totally do that too, I just gotta use magic… Hyah! Myaah～?

Sebek: You're too shaky. It's much more efficient to carry these by hand while in a narrow corridor, instead of attempting to use magic.

Sebek: Hurry, we must away.

1. Then, I'll carry a desk. 2. Upsy-daisy…

Sebek: ! Hey, careful! I'm stacking the chairs right here, if you just haphazardly try to lift it like that…

Grim: Ah, watch out! The chairs are about ta fall!

Sebek: Urk!

[rattle, rattle]

Sebek: ...Whew, somehow I kept it from toppling over.

Sebek: [Yuu], how long to you intend on using my arms as a shield? I need you to move.

1. S-Sorry. 2. Thank you.

Sebek: I see your powerless human self is in full force. I cannot leave this to you, I'll carry the desks as well.

Sebek: It generally falls to me to carry heavy items in Diasomnia, as well.

1. They really rely on you, huh. 2. You're really strong, huh.

Sebek: Heh. Well, that's because I train every day so as I can protect my liege, Malleus-sama.

Sebek: SO IT IS ONLY NATURAL THAT BOTH MY LEIGE AND LILIA-SAMA WOULD SOLICIT MY ABILITIES!!!!!!!

Sebek: Why, just the other day, I had my lord's lab coat...

Grim: Myah! Look, [Yuu], Sebek! Carryin' chairs with magic's easy-peasy!

Sebek: H-Hey, keep an eye forward! You're going to bump into the corner!!

[crash!]

Grim: Myaaaah! I'm trapped under all the chairs! …Help meeee～!

[Mirror Chamber]

Sebek: Headmage, all the chairs and desks have been brought over here to the Mirror Chamber! …Headmaster, are you here!?

Jamil: Apparently, the Headmaster is entertaining the guests before the ceremony begins. He left just as I arrived a moment ago.

Sebek: I see… Then, what should be done about these chairs and desks?

Jamil: I made sure to ask how they were to be arranged, so I'll instruct you on what to do. [sigh] …It really seems like we got the short end of the stick.

Grim: Seriously! I'm gonna be pooped before the ceremony even starts!

Sebek: Nothing will get done if all you do is sit there and complain. We should finish this task quickly.

1. Let's do our best! 2. Yeah!

Jamil: Alright, then. I'll assign you what you need to do now, so make sure you listen well.

Sebek: Hup, whew… And, this chair should be here in this row.

Grim: Hrrrrn～ I can't get 'em to line up nicely with magic!

Sebek: You should just do what [Yuu] is doing and line them up by hand. …Hm? Are those chairs over there flying in a row into position?

Jamil: Hyah… There we go.

Grim: Myaaah! That's no fair, he gets to move all the chairs with magic!

Sebek: Urk… Well, there's nothing to be done about it, we're still learning how to more acutely control magic…!

Sebek: …I must quickly learn to control my magic more precisely. I am constantly training to do so, and yet…

1. Oh, is that so. 2. You're really serious about this.

Sebek: That's right. A task of this level would be child's play to my liege, and yet, here I am, still a fledgling…!

Grim: [pant, gasp] …What, you saying this liege-guy is really that amazing or something?

Sebek: Only his retainers may address him as 'my liege'! You should address him as the Mighty Malleus Draconia-sama.

Grim: You say, actin' all high and mighty. Then you should call me the Up-and-Coming Great Mage Grim-sama!

Jamil: Hey, you two. If you have time to stand there and argue, get to work. Don't you want to finish this up quickly?

Sebek: This is not an argument!!!! I am merely enlightening an ungrateful soul on my lord's splendid self.

Sebek: In any case, he is incredible. I'm sure you all heard of his exploits in last years' inter-dorm Spelldrive tournament!

Grim: Myah…?

1. His exploits…? 2. I really don't know.

Sebek: WH-WHAT!!?

Sebek: I cannot believe that there are creatures here in Twisted Wonderland who has absolutely no knowledge of his indomitable achievements…!?

Sebek: Well then, I shall enlighten you. I had not been enrolled here yet, however I was watching the match from the stands.

Sebek: Absolutely no one could hold a candle to the prowess of Diasomnia under my liege's leadership. It was a completely one-sided game.

Sebek: He summoned grand mountains that pierced the sky near the goal, so as to keep the opponent players from coming close…

Sebek: On top of that, the skies roared with thunder, just as if he were the Thorn Fairy of the Great Seven herself!

Grim: He made mountains and thunder!? If that's true, then this guy's too amazing!

Jamil: It feels a little more exaggerated than I remember, but… Yeah, that's about right, more or less.

Sebek: Aha! You sure know your stuff, for a human!

Jamil: Don't just attach yourself to me like that all of a sudden! You should probably leave off bragging about your lord for later. We're getting tired just listening to it.

Sebek: However this is nowhere near enough to grasp just how great he is…

Jamil: We know that Malleus-senpai is so wonderful you can't help but brag, yes, yes! …Sigh.

Jamil: I will say, I am envious of your ability to respect your Housewarden so strongly.

Sebek: Hrm… Is that not so with the Scarabia Housewarden?

Jamil: I'd rather not comment on that any further, but essentially, it means there are many different types of Housewardens.

Grim: Yeah, but you two're always hangin' out, I always thought you guys were friends.

Jamil: We've been together since we were born. It's not surprising that it would seem that way to outsiders.

Sebek: SINCE YOU WERE BORN!!??

Jamil: L-Lower your voice! What are you on now!?

Sebek: I-I envy you…!

Jamil: …Really?

Sebek: I would have loved to have been serving Malleus-sama since I was born…!

Jamil: Well that's… I mean, Malleus-senpai is much older than you, so wouldn't it have been impossible for you to have looked after him anyway?

Sebek: Urgh… Why couldn't I have been born far earlier…?!

Grim: Man, this guy get's real annoying real fast when it comes to that Malleus guy.

1. Did that make you sad? 2. Cheer up.

Jamil: [sigh] …If we can finish setting up early, I'll listen to all you have to say about Malleus-senpai. So lend me a hand, already.

Sebek: R-Really!?

Grim: Myah!? He just went from sad and depressed to jumping all over the place!

Jamil: Geez… Why does it have to take this long just to set up some chairs and desks…

[Diasomnia Dorm – Lounge]

Sebek: Here, I've made tea. And don't hesitate to ask for another cup when you need it.

Grim: Wooah～ It smells good. [Yuu], give me some sugar!

Jamil: I'll say this now, but this is only until the ceremony begins. If we factor in travel back, there isn't much time to sit and dawdle!

Sebek: Fine by me. I must also escort my liege to the ceremony, as well! Therefore, I shall speak quickly!!

Grim: Sebek's really into it, huh.

Jamil: When I said we'd listen to him brag about Malleus-sama's exploits… I didn't think he would actually take it seriously…

Jamil: He's like a whole different person whenever it comes to Malleus-senpai. It's pretty troublesome when someone has nothing but pure admiration like this.

Sebek: Hm, is something the matter? Now, which tale should I begin with…

Requested by @olivebranch311.

[a-bright-comet]

Okay I am very happy to see more and more people call out the weirdos, namely the ones villainizing pregnancy and all that, But I wanna talk about the startling amount of people I've been seeing popping up calling Jade and Stalker's romance "cheap, boring, easy" just *because* it's woman-loving-man or "straight" as these people keep calling it.. How wild is that-? to call a romance boring because of the gender of the people involved? they're not calling it boring cause of writing but because of their damn genders? hello?? do you know how insane that would sound if said about a sapphic or achillean (mlm) couple?? imagine if someone said that about Albrecht and Loid they'd get flamed so fucking fast dude. Do these people also forget bi/pan etc. wlm relationships exist? or that straight genderqueer people and relationships exist?? that queer wlm relationships just exist as well in general??? I'm a bi woman in a relationship with a bi trans man, JUMPSCARE! we exist! while I understand being tired of wlm romances cause there's enough out there to get to hell and back, that doesn't mean they should just, not exist? or that they're inherently bad or boring? not only is that just weird period but it also erases the people and relationships mentioned above. (also goes against the whole equality thing we've all been fighting for my guy) also like, the last time we got a wlm relationship between major/important characters in warframe was god damn Ballas and Lotus and that shit was abusive, we needed a healthy one to balance it lmaaoooo. Annd to my knowledge there hasn't been any romance between two warframes before these two yet so it's not like they've done it before to warrant the groaning? you know it's odd how I almost felt this type of attitude coming, I was witnessing a concerning steady rise of hating pregnancy in fiction from one side of the internet and just general hatred of wlm relationships on the other side of the internet, such a shame it all came to a boiling point and targeted this quest that really didn't deserve it. Honestly looking at it without the stained view of people the quest is just as good as all the others before it, short, sweet and impactful. I really enjoy it and have been trigger happy with the block on anyone slightly annoying about it cause at this point it feels like we don't even play the same game lmao. anyways this will likely be the last post about people being weird as I don't wanna bring more negativity to the tag and I'm tired of people pff but posts like these are unfortunately important cause if you let the mold sit it'll contaminate and ruin everything. Jade, Stalker and their beb deserve all the love they can get, I will not tolerate slander. >:[

[aangelicest]

Thinking about Big!Bro Suguru who started off just smoking cigarettes to take the edge off after he'd ingest curses. But it wasn't enough. And he found himself indulging in weed just to calm himself down. And his little sister who's never touched a cigarette or drugs in her life, being pressured into trying.

Content Warnings: Inc♡st, Peer pressuring, Dr♡g usage, Dubc♡n? (They don't don't anything really but it does insinuate that he will go further & they are both high), Non-explicit, Suggestive, Little Sister! Reader, Pet names (baby, princess), Short Rambles, Can you tell I've never done a drug in my life? I don't know what I'm doing, I see plug!suguru content all the time and I can't get him smoking out of my head

MDNI + Anti's please block and move on♡

Big!Bro Suguru who speaks to you in his soft, soothing voice. "C'mon, it'll be fun, yeah? Let me teach you." He murmurs before he blows smoke from the blunt on his hand into your face gently. He gives a sly little smile followed by a low chuckle as you cough at the smoke. It's cute, the way your nose scrunches up at the smell

Big!Bro Suguru who watches as you hesitate, but don't look very willing to try. "C'mon, you know you can do it. I just wanna- I just wanna show you, just trust me and try."

Big!Bro Suguru who raises his hand, cupping your chin when you look at him, his fingers just lightly touching your smooth skin. He then blows the smoke in your face again, the sight of your eyes fluttering as you try to blink the smoke away was too cute.

Big!Bro Suguru who pulls you closer when you attempt to take the blunt but not knowing exactly how to hold it properly. "Open wide- yeah, that's it…" He murmurs, his voice low as he holds the blunt to your lips.

Big!Bro Suguru who brings his hand back up to your chin, turning your head gently in his grip, forcing you to look at him. His thumb lightly rubs over your lip to try and soothe you with his loving touch. "Do that again, baby, yeah? This time, don't pull away, alright? Just breathe- just breathe. That's it princess…" He coos.

Big!Bro Suguru who whispers praises in your ear after every hit. "There you go. Good girl, you're doing so good for me, such a good little baby." while he pulls you onto his lap.

Big!Bro Suguru who can't help but stare at his sweet, precious, perfect little sister… so vulnerable and so cute. He's never seen you this loopy or this out of her mind… and all it took was a little bit of weed. He just gently brought his hand up, tucking your hair just behind your ear, fingers trailing down your waist.

Big!Bro Suguru who can't help himself, watching as you grow more pliant in his lap, mind all fuzzy from your first time. "Hey… how about we do something to make you feel even better, yeah?" He'd murmur, his thumb pressing against your soft lips.

Big!Bro Suguru who uses the lightest amount of pressure to slip his thumb past your lips, pressing down on your tongue as he takes a hit, blowing it gently against your face with a low hum. Every soft whine that leaves your lips makes him feel bolder.

Big!Bro Suguru who keeps playing with your tongue as his other hand starts to slowly move under your shirt. Rubbing your hip, thumb sliding against your tongue more. "You're doing so good for me, baby. Just keep feeling good, I got you. I always have you."

Big!Bro Suguru whose eyes darken when he takes another hit, blowing it directly in your mouth as he leans in. "Does it feel good baby? Hm?" The way your eyes look so cute, all glossy and glazed over as you take another hit makes him grunt, unable to stop his hands from sliding down your hips and finding its way between your thighs.

Big!Bro Suguru who's glad your parents are out late tonight, because he has something better to replace his thumb with.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 158 thoughts

i lied the hyperfixation took over and reanimated my body

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 15

Aqua Hoshigan Status: N/A

Usually when an OnK chapter ends on a bombshell like this one apparently does, I usually play a little coy as to my thoughts on it but I don't really see much point in doing that this time. This chapter basically is its final moment, with some swings taken at basically every other character on the way down so I don't see much point in separating it from the rest of the work. That said, my ultimate feelings on it will ultimately depend on how the story progresses past this moment so don't expect me to go too deeply into it for now. All I'll say at the top of the post is that I think this is deeply contrived and continues Akasaka's trend of seemingly beating every character with the dipshit stick in order to make a certain dramatic plot beat happen.

But it'll be pretty messy to follow if I get into the chapter's final scene right here and now, so let's rewind to the start and break down the rest of this chapter too. Don't worry, I have plenty of unpleasant things to say about it as well!!!!

Akane's here!! Actually in truth I had somehow forgotten that she'd cut her hair in the weeks since her last appearance so seeing her turn up with it so short kind of startled me for a second LOL

More AKKN yuribaiting… usually I eat up this kind of queerbait with a spoon because I am a simple creature but it doesn't really hit this time. I think it's because we're running through the Tokyo Blade arc in the anime right now and being reminded of how utterly electric their rivalry used to be makes the lack of meaningful follow-up and ultimate state of their relationship just kind of sad to me.

Seeing Akane and Ruby talking also feels kind of surreal given that it's almost 60 whole chapters since they've actually properly interacted onscreen… Like, obviously they were acting together in the Movie Arc and we can infer they had some offscreen chats then but… well, that's things we can infer, not something that's actually in the text of the story. Akane's involvement in the movie really was a total waste of potential, huh…

that said, wtf is akane even doing in miyazaki. girl who are you stalking this time.

Speaking of things that are weird, Ruby's hostile reaction to the idea of Akane getting a new boyfriend is… kind of bizarre, to the point where I literally have no idea where it's coming from?? Like, regardless of what this chapter tries to pretend, Ruby and Akane are absolutely not close enough for Ruby to feel upset at the prospect of Akane blowing her off in favour of boyfriend time. If anything, you'd think that having Aqua's ex-girlfriend definitively Out Of The Way would only be good on her eyes because it means one less obstacle between her and getting to shlonk her brother, but… apparently not???

The only way I can really make any sense of this is assuming this is the old and crusty "single girl getting jealous that her friend has a boyfriend at Christmas" joke, which I guess indirectly answers the question of whether or not anything AquRuby related has resolved in the Offscreen Dimension.

Anyway, Akane's chatter in this scene leads into something I've been kind of holding my tongue about in favour of waiting until it was addressed in the story and we're finally here - as previously predicted, this chapter starts on the note of attempting to assert that Ruby has 'become an idol who surpasses Ai' and you'll notice the way I phrased this because uh… no, she very much hasn't!

This idea of Ruby 'surpassing' Ai has been floating around in the story for a while now and as I've said before, unless OnK puts a huge amount of legwork into supporting that idea, I simply wouldn't believe it. It didn't, so I don't.

Not only is this assertion just half-heartedly plunked into the narrative - incredibly underwhelming for what should be a huge moment of triumph for Ruby - but the visual storytelling of the manga fails it as well. Like, compare this to similar moments from the very arc the anime is adapting this season - hell, in this very chapter, we see a panel of Kana's dazzling acting during Tokyo Blade. In comparison, the panels we see that supposedly show how Ruby has become an idol beyond compare… they just look like literally every other panel of any of the girls doing idol stuff. Hell, she looks distinctly less striking than some of Kana's performances as an idol and they certainly don't match or exceed the panels we've seen of Ai's spellbinding performances, which really undermines what the story is trying to say.

This is made even worse for the fact that the story has repeatedly pointed out that Ruby is the subject of incredible amounts of favoritism in the new B-Komachi - their boss is Literally Her Actual Mom who was explicitly called out by Ichigo for favoring work opportunities while leaving her fellow members out to dry. Members who, I feel the need to remind everyone, were scouted by her twin brother, not Ruby. Members whose careers as idols suffered during Ruby's clout chasing BH era because of her clout chasing and whose hurt feelings on this are framed as something Ruby is graciously forgiving about.

Like… I'm not saying it's impossible for Ruby to become an idol who outshines her mom, but this narrative as it's currently being presented in the manga falls flat for me because we never actually see Ruby face any kind of struggle on her road to doing this. Ai, Kana and Mem all face significant structural, social and industry-wide issues and toxicity that they must grapple with and overcome but Ruby just… does not?? Ever?? And given the way the narrative has framed Miyako's involvement in her career, the only conclusion I can draw is that Ruby is being shielded from all this by Miyako at the expense of the other girls. Especially because Ruby literally said so in 156!

Idk man. This whole chapter just sucks for basically every B-Komachi girl - that panel of the girls on stage where you literally can't even see Mem's face is so fucking miserable lmao. There was so much weight was placed on B-Komachi's togetherness as a trio of not just idols but friends who genuinely care for each other that seeing the story end up in this place of unironically indulging in all the same favoritism of Ruby and sidelining of her fellow members that Ichigo and Miyako did with the original B-Komachi is honestly just upsetting. Not only does it drag down Mem and Kana's stories, but it ends up making Ruby come off as a tremendously self-centered person in a way the narrative clearly does not understand and is uninterested in unpacking.

And like… bro, I don't want to be pissed off at Ruby!! Pre-BH Ruby is one of my favourite characters in the series!!! But the way she's been coddled by the narrative is deeply frustrating to read! It's frustrating to see everyone else's arcs compromised in favor of forcing this bizarre narrative about Ruby that doesn't even do any good for her either.

I can so easily see a better version of this story where Ruby surpasses Ai because she has so much support and faces none of the obstacles that Ai did, where the story is making a point of just how much further Ai could have gone and how much more she could've done if she hadn't been treated like such utter shit by everyone around her. But the point the story settles on seems to just be that Ruby is a better idol than Ai because she arbitrarily is not affected by societal and systemic oppression for no clearly articulated reason, I guess! You go, girl!

huffs. anyway.

Ruby's little monologue about the short-lived life of an idol also feels like the final nail in the coffin for the story being able to even pretend to do any meaningful industry commentary. Compared to how biting it was in the early arcs, it's a pretty standout representation with OnK's bizarre relationship with idol culture as of late, especially as pertains to Ruby's place in it. I can sort of get what I think Akasaka is going for here - it's part of the theme the story is leaning into lately of letting go of your past and moving towards a brighter future and this is how Ruby is coping with Kana's time in B-Komachi coming to an end. The point being made here is that change is inevitable no matter how you try to hold onto things and the only way to freeze yourself in stasis forever is to die.

But having this framed through the lens of Ruby talking so warmly about the impermanence of idols is just kind of… hello?? Ruby's framing here almost seems to treat the issue as some beautifully tragic but inevitable thing… and is very much is not! Idols age out of the industry because of its obsession with youth and beauty and the fetishization and commodification of virginial purity. Seeing Ruby frame it as this sad but natural thing when these fucked up purity standards literally killed her mom is just. What is going on here.

Speaking of baffling! Nino my girl, what are they doing to you…

I mentioned this in my chapter 155 thoughts that I felt extremely cold about the way the story was choosing to characterize Nino in the actual pages of the manga. I won't repeat myself too much but compared to the messed up but deeply human character we saw in 45510 and the RBKN conflict, this Nino honestly feels like a mean-spirited caricature, amped up to such dramatic extremes that she stops being a person and instead becomes a flat cartoon character used for moving the plot along. I loved Nino in 45510 and the Movie Arc so seeing her reduced to this psycho lesbian stereotype really stings.

also wtf is the manga trying to say with the 'since we killed ryosuke' bit. that was a whole ass suicide. this manga gives me such a headache sometimes.

Anyway. I can't talk around it anymore so. RIP Ruby, I guess. It was nice knowing you, but-

no but seriously, I'm holding my tongue on anything to do with this twist until next chapter because my actual thoughts will depend on how it plays out or if this is even really happening at all - which is NOT something i would even entertain as a possibility if oshi no ko was not the manga it currently is lol

But there's also the fact that, as others have pointed out, that panel of the stab is presented with faded colours and overly dramatic lighting in a way that is consistent with how OnK sometimes presents flashbacks or otherwise unreal visualizations. Given how incredibly dumb the entire cast - including Ruby - would have to be for this to actually, really happen, I'm withholding judgement until I see how this pans out.

That said. Man. I was really taken aback by how not just underwhelming but outright Not Good the actual panel of the stab is. The attempt to mine an emotional reaction out of the pre-existing iconic panel of Ai's murder just falls entirely flat because this version of it is worse in just about every regard. Ai's panel is composed beautifully, with the white petals and the motion of her body perfectly drawing the viewer's eye to the knife and the uncharacteristic expression of total shock on her face really hammers home the 'oh shit' moment. By contrast, Ruby's panel is flat with oceans of dead space despite being a much smaller panel and the actual stab has no weight to it, visually or otherwise. Ruby's body and face aren't reacting to it in the least - her expression is totally lifeless and she just looks like she's mid-stride, not that someone's just stabbed her in the gut. And to add insult to injury, the fucking layering on the killer's hand isn't even right. It's so obvious these two characters were drawn totally separately and pasted together afterwards and the entire moment falls flat as a result. Mengo, girl, what happened here!!!

and to add insult to injury. break next week. because why woudn't it be.

any of yall got ibuprofen

[jpitha]

Computing Power

This is a rewrite of one of my very first popular sci-fi things here. I decided to flesh it out just a little bit and make it more of a short rather than just a script of two people talking.

Humans tolerate a much greater amount of… ambiguity in their technology than the other sapients. Take their computers, for example. They are a class above. They're smaller, faster, less expensive and can do more.

But, they crash.

A lot.

Leave it to the Humans to just accept a machine that will stop working "every once in a while."

Gwen is walking around the promenade on the Revelation, a starbase on the border between the Gren and the Humans. It was set up after the armistice as a kind of meeting point for the sapients of the galaxy to live, work and play together to try and build understanding, and prevent another devastating war from occurring. She's walking with her new friend, the Gren Mal'imar. They're an interesting looking team as they walk. She's about three quarters his height and has that stout thick build that high gravity beings all wind up with. Mal comes from a world that's a good deal lighter so he's taller, more spindly with reverse articulated legs and carciform features. As they're walking and chatting she stops, reaches into her pocket and picks up her phone. Looking down at it, she frowns. "Oh shoot."

Mal'imar noticing her friend stopped, turns and looks at her. "What?"

Gwen shrugs and shows Mal'imar the phone. The screen is blank and white. "My phone crashed. Gotta reboot it, one sec."

Mal's antennae flutter, indicating confusion "Your phone...crashed?"

"Yeah, the computer inside it stopped working. Something went wrong and it just doesn't work." Gwen shrugs. "Once I turn it off and turn it back on it'll be fine"

Mal'imar shuffles from one reverse articulated leg to the other. "But, the computers in your other things are more robust right? They don't...do that?"

Gwen looks up at Mal. "You're serious?" She laughs heartily. "Hell yes they do. Let me tell you about the time I had to reboot my coffee maker so it would work again!"

Mal turns his head slightly and clacks his mouthparts. He's worried.

Gwen isn't that familiar with Gren body language and doesn't notice the gesture. "Oh yeah, one time the computer in my car crashed. Wouldn't display anything at all. That was a hairy ride!"

Mal'imar unconsciously takes a step back and looks around. Maybe this human is having some kind of... episode? The things they're saying sure don't sound right.

Her phone successfully rebooted, Gwen continues walking and talking. Mal decides to see where this is going and stays with her. "Also! So when the first humans went to our moon, the onboard computer kept crashing. They had to land manually because the computer - when it worked - was trying to land them on jagged rocks! They all nearly died!"

This time Mal'imar stopped walking. He looks her in her eyes and clacks his mouthparts again. "You do realize the other races' computers don't do that, right?"

Gwen meets his gaze. "But ours are faster."