#so its always so fucking weird seeing people shit talk some horror genre or whatever cause like

[maeshelix]

Seeing someone we follow clown on analog horror is always so fucking weird. like motherfucker no horror media is scary why is it only joke worthy when its a freaky face on some old ass boobtube instead of in front of a handheld camera or some actor. its all fake as shit none of it can hurt you. jumpscares are as non scary as analog horror cliches as existential horror as slashers as zombie flicks as etc etc.

[rallamajoop]

...and the unironic joys of better living through chemistry

How do I love Venom: The Hunger, let me count the ways…

It’s by far the shippiest Venom/Eddie story to come out of the character’s heyday. It’s the only story of the era to treat Venom’s violent wild-animal instincts not as an immutable fact, but as something that can be managed. It pulls off an aesthetic like nothing else that was being done at the time.

And then there’s the way it says, Does the world around you seem sinister and foreboding? Do you lie awake at night contemplating metaphorical oceans of despair? Well shit, son – have you considered you may be suffering from a mundane neurochemical imbalance, and a round of the right meds could clear that right up for you?

It does all this without breaking the atmosphere, without a whiff that our story has been interrupted for a Very Special Message about mental health.

In the near-decade since I was first prescribed anti-depressants, I don’t think I’ve read another story that lands the message “Sometimes, it’s not you, it’s just your brain chemistry,” so well.

Fair warning: if you have not read The Hunger, I am about to spoil every major plot point. If you have, well, maybe I can still give you a new appreciation for a few details you might have missed.

It’s a strange book, whatever else you take from it. It’s almost the only thing either author or artist contributed to the Venom canon, and it’s so different stylistically and tonally from the 90′s Venom norm that it feels like a tale from some noir-elseworlds setting instead of 616 canon. When you take risks that big with a property, you leave yourself precious little landing space between 'unmitigated triumph’ and ‘abject failure’: if this book hadn’t absolutely nailed it, I’d be dismissing it as edgy, OOC dreck. Fortunately, if The Hunger is nothing else, it is a story that $&#@ing commits – to basically everything it does.

Now, I'm not going to tell you Venom: The Hunger is a story about overcoming depression, because I don't know whether author Len Kaminski even thought about it that way while working on it. There's always space for other readings, and this one take is not gospel. That said: holy shit is this thing unsubtle with its metaphors. And with that in mind, let’s start by talking a little about Kaminski’s take on Eddie himself.

As I may have mentioned before, I like to divide 90′s Eddie into two broad personas: the Meathead, and the Hobo.

Kaminski’s Eddie nominally belongs in the angsty, long-haired Hobo incarnation, but that’s a bit of a simplification: this version certainly has plenty of angst and plenty of hair to his name – but nowhere, not even at his lowest ebb, does he doubt that he and his Other are meant for each other, which is usually Hobo!Eddie’s primary existential quandary.

He’s also taken up narrating his own life like a hardboiled PI.

So that’s... novel.

The only other time Eddie’s sounded like this is, er, in that one other Venom one-shot Kaminski penned (Seed of Darkness, a prequel that sadly isn’t in The Hunger’s league), so I think we can safely file it under authorial ticks.

Then again, Hobo!Eddie’s always been one melodramatic SOB, so maybe this is just how he’d sound after learning to channel his angst into his poetry. You can’t argue it fits the aesthetic, anyway.

We’d also be remiss not to mention Ed Halsted’s art, which I can only describe as gothic-meets-noir-meets-H.R.-Giger. Never before or since has the alien symbiote looked this alien: twisted with Xenompoph-like ridges and veins.

But Halsted doesn’t treat Venom to all that extra detail in every panel. Instead, the distortion tends to appear when the symbiote is separated from Eddie or out of control – and I doubt you need me to walk you through the symbolic importance of that creative decision. More importantly, Halsted’s art provides exactly the class of visuals that Kaminski’s story needs.

Did I mention this is a horror story? You might be surprised how few Venom stories really fit that genre, but if all those adjectives about Halsted’s style above didn’t clue you in, this is one of them.

Anyway, with that much context covered, let’s get into the main narrative of this thing.

As our first issue opens, Eddie’s world has become a dark and foreboding place. He’s not sleeping, though he mostly brushes this off. (Fun fact: trouble sleeping is one of those under-appreciated symptoms of depression. Additional fun fact: the first doctor ever to suggest I might be suffering from depression was actually a sleep specialist. You can guess how that appointment was going.)

Just to set our scene, here’s all of page 1.

Eddie’s narration has plenty of (ha) venom for his surroundings, but the visuals are here to back him up: panels from Eddie’s POV are edged in twisted, fleshy borders and drained of colour, the people rendered as creepy, goblin-like creatures. A couple of later scenes go even further to contrast Eddie-vision with what everyone else is seeing:

As depictions of depression go this is a little on the nose, but then, you don’t read a comic about a brain-eating alien parasite looking for subtlety, do you?

Eddie  doesn’t see himself as depressed, of course. As far as he’s concerned, he’s seeing the world’s true face: it’s everyone else who’s deluding themselves. He’s still got his symbiote, so he’s happy. He’s yet to hit that all-important breaking point where something he can’t brush off goes irrevocably wrong.

But he’s also starting to experience these weird... cravings.

He just can’t put a name to exactly what he’s craving until a routine bar fight with a couple of thugs takes a turn for the horrific.

(I include this panel partly to point out even in The Hunger, the goriest of all 90′s Venom titles, you’re still not going to see brains getting eaten in any graphic detail. We don’t need to to get the horror of the moment across. The 90′s were a more innocent time.)

Eddie himself is horrified when he comes back to himself and realises what he’s done.

Or rather, what his symbiote’s just made him do.

Kaminski doesn’t keep us in suspense about why, though. Eddie may have just done something horrific, but there’s a reason, and it’s as mundane as a vitamin deficiency. He’s bonded to an alien creature, after all, and his symbiote is craving a nutrient which just happens to be found in human brains. And if Eddie can’t or won’t help it meet that need, it’ll do so alone. 

Now, giving us that explanation so quickly is an interesting creative decision: this is a horror story, and horror lives in what we don’t know. Wouldn’t it be all the more horrifying had the symbiote been unable to explain what’s going on, leaving Eddie without the first real clue as to where this monstrous new hunger had come from?

The Hunger doesn’t take that route though, and I love it. Eddie isn’t a monster, this isn’t his fault: he has a fucking condition, and wallowing in his own moral failings is going to get him nowhere. You might as well try to cure scurvy or rickets with positive thinking. Just like depression can make you feel like an utter failure at the most basic parts of being human, and all the affirmations in the world won’t fix it when it’s fundamentally your brain chemistry that’s the problem. Or like addicts aren’t weak-willed for struggling not to relapse, they’re dealing with genuine chemical dependency – or even like how someone who’s trans isn’t at fault for being unable to reconcile themselves to the bodies and the hormones they were born with by pure force of trying. Free will is more than an illusion, but we’re all messy, biological organisms underneath, and your own brain and biochemistry can and will fuck you over in a hundred wildly different ways for as many wildly different reasons and it’s not your fault.

We aren’t monsters. But if we do, sometimes, find ourselves identifying with the monster, there might be a reason for that.

(Ahem)

I’m just saying, that’s fucking powerful, and we need more stories that say it.

Anyway, in case you missed it during that tangent, issue #1 closes with the symbiote having torn Eddie’s heart in two itself free to go hunting brains without him.

I’m trying not to get too sidetracked at this point talking about Kaminski’s take on the symbiote itself. Suffice to say there are broadly two schools of thought on how it ought to function while separated from its host: the traditional ambulatory-slime-puddle version, and the more recently popular alternative where anything-you-can-do-with-a-host-you-can-also-do-without-one. I’m not much of a fan of the latter, personally: if your symbiote doesn’t actually need a host, I feel you’ve sort of missed the point. (The movie takes the route of saying symbiotes can’t even process Earth’s atmosphere without a host, which is a great new idea that appears nowhere in the comics, and I love it. Hosts or GTFO, baby!)

Kaminski has his own take, and I can only wish it had caught on. Without Eddie, the symbiote becomes an ever-shifting insectoid-tentacle-snake-monstrosity, driven by an animalistic hunger. It’s many things, but it’s never humanoid.

If you absolutely must have your symbiote operating minus a host, I feel this is the way to do it: semi-feral, shapeless and completely alien (uncontrollable violence and cravings for brains to be added to taste).

Issue #2 comes to us primarily through the perspective of the mild-mannered Dr. Thaddeus Paine of the Innsmouth Hills Sanitarium (yes, really).

Yeah, he’s not fooling anyone. Meet our official villain! He joins our story after Eddie is picked up by the police and handed off to the nearest available institution, on account of how completely sane and rational he’s been acting.

Naturally, Dr. Paine soon has copious notes on Eddie’s ‘crazy’ story about his psychic link to a brain-eating alien monster. Fortunately for Eddie, Paine also runs some tests and makes an interesting discovery. 

Congratulations, Venom: the ‘vitamin’ you were missing officially has a name!

Finding the right meds isn’t always this easy. I got lucky – the first ones my psych put me on worked pretty well – but I have plenty of friends who weren't so lucky. In fact, the treatment for Eddie's problems is so straightforward it arguably has more in common with, say, endocrine disorders like thyroid conditions or Addison’s disease, which differ from clinical depression but present many similar symptoms (but can sadly be just as much of a bitch to get correctly diagnosed – please do read author Maggie Stiefvater’s account of the latter when you get the chance, because forget Venom, that is a horror story).

‘True’ depression remains much less well understood by medicine, either in its causes or how to effectively treat it. But simply having a name for what was wrong with me made so much difference, and that’s an experience I imagine anyone who’s dealt with any long undiagnosed medical condition could relate to. It put my life in context in a way nothing else had in years.

(I can’t speak to the accuracy of the way phenethylamine is portrayed in this comic – a quick google suggests there may be some real debate that phenethylamine deficiencies have been overlooked as a contributor to clinical depression, but having no medical background, that one’s well beyond me. Either way, scientific accuracy really doesn’t matter in this context – it’s how it works in-universe for story purposes that we should pay attention to.)

Since this issue is mostly from Paine’s POV, we don’t get Eddie’s reaction to having a healthy amount of phenethylamine sloshing around in his brain again, just the assurance that treatment appears to be ‘completely successful’.

He’s still a paranoid, hostile bastard though. Meds can turn your life around, but they won’t make you not you.

But even if Eddie’s feeling better, he’s still psychically linked to someone who isn’t. Symbiote-vision still comes through drained of colour and edged in viscera.

That’s the thing about meds: they won’t solve all your problems overnight. If you’ve been depressed for a while, there are good odds you have problems stacking up. But working meds can be a godsend when it comes to getting you into a space where you can deal with your problems again, whether said problems are doing-your-laundry or all the way into not-giving-up-completely-and-just-accepting-you’ll-die-alone-on-the-street.

For Eddie, ‘dealing with his problems’ begins with stealing a keycard and busting out of the asylum.

Of course, that’s the easy part. How do you solve a problem like a feral symbiote? Like any good 90′s comic book protagonist, Eddie tackles it by putting on his big-boy camouflage pants and kitting himself out with weapons and pouches while quoting “If you live something, set it free. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down.”

We can add this to the list of things I love about this comic. Even if The Hunger is a weirdly-stylistic tract about depression at heart, it’s also still a goddamn 90′s Venom comic, and not ashamed to be.

We’re into issue #3 now, and back to hearing the story from Eddie’s POV.

Eddie is very much aware that his symbiote has murdered innocent people while they’ve been separated. Even if this is the result of extreme circumstances, there’s a good case to be made that the symbiote is too dangerous to be allowed to live. Plenty of heroes would treat it like a rabid dog at this point.

But Eddie isn’t a hero, he’s a mess of a character and an anti-hero at best, so we don’t have to hold him to the same standard. He’s well aware his symbiote may be too far gone to save, that he may have to put it down – but that’s only his backup plan. He wants to help it. He wants it back. He’s down in that sewer with screamers and a flamethrower because he knows all his symbiote’s weaknesses, but he’s also carrying a large jar of black-market synthesised phenethylamine, because if he can just get close enough...

Depression can’t make you a literal monster, but it can make you an asshole. Miserable to be around, lacking even the energy to care who else you’re hurting. The depression doesn’t excuse that, but it makes everything harder, and it’s that much easier to sink back into your spiral when everyone around you has given up. It can make you think everyone around has given up even if that isn’t true.

So to have Eddie here say, in effect, I don’t care how many people you’ve eaten, I know it wasn’t your fault. I still love you. You’re still worth fighting for – god, does that get me right in the id.

There’s still a whole issue left at this point – we’ve still got to deal with our real villain, Dr. Paine, who we’ve just learned is into eating brains himself and torturing his patients recreationally, and who wants to capture the symbiote for his own purposes. There’s the scene where Eddie and his symbiote finally bond again, and Venom beats up all Paine’s goons while singing David Bowie because like I said, this is still a 90′s superhero comic and this is what Venom does.

But for our purposes, I'm going to skip to the penultimate page of the story, because the way it mirrors our opening page is really lovely.

Remember that shot of Eddie dealing with a beggar back at the beginning of the story, thinking about how these people would 'get their despair all over you'? Here he is again, cheerfully forking over the last dollar in his pocket to the next man to ask him for change. For all the gothic atmosphere and gore, it’s moments like this that make The Hunger easily one of the most positive, uplifting Venom stories ever written. Funny, that. (I could probably write a whole other essay on sympathy for the homeless as a recurring motif in Venom stories, but that... well, whole other essay and all that.)

What’s Eddie learned from this experience? Don’t take your symbiote for granted. Is ‘symbiote’ a metaphor for mental health here, is paying attention to its needs an allegory for paying attention to your own? I still don’t know how literally Kaminski meant us to take this, but it’s a lovely note to end on no matter how you parse it.

At the end of the day, The Hunger isn’t flawless. The conflict with Paine ends on a thematic but slightly unsatisfying note. Eddie makes much of his symbiote's loneliness and desire for union, but when the two of them are finally reunited, the only reaction comes from Eddie's side. In fact, the symbiote seems to have no response to being able to return to Eddie at all, and that’s an omission that bugs me.

But Kaminski is more interested than any other writer of the era in the truly alien nature of the symbiote, in its relationship with Eddie from Eddie’s side, and though plenty of others talk about the symbiote's love/hate relationship with Spider-man, no-one else had the guts to portray their relationship this much like a romance.

And Venom: The Hunger is no less interesting in the context of Len Kaminski’s other work. You don't have to look far into his Marvel and DC credits to pick up that the guy has a real thing for monsters. (“All of my favourite characters are outlaws, misfits, anti-heroes,” he says, in one of the very few interviews I could find with him, “I wouldn't know what to do with Superman.”) He's written for vampires, werewolves, victims of mad science, and all of three at once, littering his work with biochemistry-themed technobabble, melodramatic monologues, gratuitous pop-culture references, and protagonists who must learn to embrace their inner demons. So The Hunger represents more than a few of his favourite running themes.

For our context, his more notable other work includes Children of the Beast, in which a werewolf must make peace between his human and animalistic sides, and The Creeper, in which a journalist must make peace with the crazy super-powered alter-ego sharing his body. In fact, The Creeper and The Hunger share so much DNA (including an evil doctor posing as a respected psychiatrist who uses hypnosis on our hero while he's trapped in a mental institution) that it’s quite the achievement that they still feel like such very distinct entities beyond that point.

The human alter-egos of both werewolf and Creeper even use prescription meds while wrestling with their respective dark sides. The difference, in both cases, is that these are stories where meds play their traditional fictional role – and that's a role that could be as easily filled by illegal drugs or alcohol without making any substantive difference. You see, if a protagonist is using them, it's a sign of unwillingness to tackle their 'real' problems. Even among work by the same author in the same genre, The Hunger represents an outlier. And that's just a little disappointing – at least to me.

In real life, of course, prescription meds are no magical cure-all elixir. Depression meds that work for one person may not work for another, or may not keep working in the longer term. Everyone has heard stories about quack doctors who prescribe them to the wrong patients for the wrong reasons, about lives ruined by addictions to prescription painkillers, or the supposedly-damning statistics about how poorly SSRI's perform in rigorous clinical trials. The proper way to treat depression is obviously with lifestyle and therapy. People will still airily dismiss medications that we all know previous generations got along just fine without, or suggest that figures like Van Gogh would never have created great art if they hadn't been mad enough to slice off an ear. I mean, the fact you think you need those bogus mediations is probably the best possible sign of just how broken you are, right? Who do you think you’re kidding?

Our popular fiction loves stories about manly men who bury their trauma under a gruff, anti-social exterior and come back swinging at the world that broke them, bravely refusing even painkillers that might dull their manly reflexes. Other genres make space for broken people confronting their demons in grand moments of catharsis, finally breaking down into tears when someone gets through to make them face their problems. "I could barely make it out of bed in the mornings until I found a doctor who started me on this new prescription" is not only wildly counter to the accepted social narrative, it's a hard thing to know how to dramatise.

 Even other Venom comics have been guilty of this.

Believe me, I recognise all of this, and just how much progress we've made in the last few decades. But I haven't the slightest doubt that for so many vulnerable people, the stigma against prescription medications does infinitely more harm than those same meds could ever do. And just having the right to externalise my problems into it's not you, it's your brain chemistry, may have helped me more than the meds themselves.

(And again, no, being prescribed SSRI's didn't fix me overnight, but I honestly don't know if all the talk therapy and tearful conversations with family members in the world could've got me as far as I've come without them.)

I love Venom: The Hunger. It's no-one's idea of high art, but it doesn’t need to be. There is a whole other post’s worth of things I love about it that I’ve already cut out this one as pointless tangents, and that may actually be it’s biggest drawback as a go-to example: I fully recognise that I would not be making this post if The Hunger hadn't also also grabbed me as a great bit of Venom canon, being the massive fan and shipper that I am. Other people who are just as desperate as me for more stories with the same core theme, but not into weird 90's comics about needy goo aliens, probably won't get nearly as much out of it as I have.

But if it sounds anything like your jam, maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

If nothing else, it proves that you can make a viscerally satisfying story out of a message that shockingly unconventional. And you may even have people still discovering it and falling in love with it 25 years after the fact.

[bts-roses]

Spilling Coffee | 2

➼ summary: You’ve always prided yourself in being a naturally graceful and reliable person. So an internship at BigHit seemed like a walk in the park. That is, until a certain goof slide-kicks you off your feet and makes your life a whole lot harder.

Or

Namjoon is a misunderstood klutz and y/n thinks too much.

➼ pairing: idol!namjoon x intern!reader

➼ genre: fluff

➼ word count: 2,500

Previous | Next

‣

The morning sun beams on Namjoon’s face as he stares at the iced latte on the table. Its’ ice cubes slightly melting from the sun rays piercing their heat onto it. He glares intensely at it with a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. The staff try and give their usual greetings as they walk past but they stop, slightly disturbed at the outlandish man. He looks crazy. Like a cartoon villain, he’s sitting with his legs crossed and fingertips touching, head deep in thought.

It’s officially been exactly a month since the fateful coffee incident and things haven’t got better, in fact things are worse.

‣ 

The elevator was getting busy after lunch. You were slightly squeezed at the back, barely able to let out a deep breath, when a new group of people walked in.

“Bro, I can’t believe you did that.” you hear a familiar voice laugh out. Isn’t that Jimin’s voice?

You look over the stranger’s shoulder to see the majority of BTS in the front. Shit. You panic slightly in the corner, scared of unwanted contact. As a last resort, you awkwardly bend your knees to diminish your height until you could no longer see them, accidentally kneeing the stranger’s legs in front of you. You feel the person in front of you jerk slightly and look down at you puzzled. You let out a sheepish smile and mouth an apology to them. Real smooth y/n.

“Leave me alone.” Namjoon says, embarrassed at the amount of people in the lift hearing their conversation.

You slightly shiver at the sound of his voice.

“We can’t. How could we?” Jungkook giggles, clutching his stomach from laughing too much, “You literally-”

“Okay we get it, we don’t need to hear it again.” Namjoon whines, stopping the youngest to finish his sentence.

“Joon, you fell and skid on actual dog shit. I think we do need to hear it again. It’s not like it was the first time.” Jin exclaims, the other members bubbling in laughter again.

The small room bursts in claps and boisterous roars from the members. Namjoon’s face instantly glows a deeper shade of read, hearing the mumbles of the people behind him. 

“So that’s what I was smelling.” You whisper mindlessly to yourself, looking up when you hear some people in the elevator laughing at your remark.

Namjoon hears it as well. He recognises that voice anywhere. He turns around and you both meet eyes. His face turns in upmost horror at the fact that you not only heard all of that but now you’re gonna associate him with the smell of dog shit. Meanwhile, your face morphs into an expression of fear. He heard that.

Before he can grab you and explain that he actually normally smells really nice, they arrive at his floor and he is dragged away by his so-called friends out of the elevator.

“I fucking hate you all.” He shouts, hitting anyone he could get his hands on the moment the doors close.

The members, who took part in the taunting, stare at him bewildered and are confused by the leader’s odd reaction. He normally just takes the teasing passively and even joins in from time to time.

“Hyung, we’re just joking.” Taehyung laughs nervously, “You’re acting weird.”

They all stare at him sighing deeply, clearly in a huff. They all look at each other questioningly, unsure of what to do. Yoongi, who noticed the reason for his sudden outburst, chuckles at his friend’s reaction.

“Y/n was in that elevator.” Yoongi simply states.

When the members hear Namjoon groan ashamed they grow quiet, realising what they had done. That is, until they all erupt in deafening howls.

“Oh my god,” Hoseok cries on the floor from too much laughter, “She probably thinks Joonie got the poo all over his trousers or something.”

If Namjoon thought he would get the members’ sympathy, he was dead wrong.

‣

He shivers at the memory. You may hate him and think he smells like dog faeces, but he’s determined to talk to you. He will track you down. He will find you. He will-

“Joon-ah.” Yoongi calls out, concerned about his friend’s stillness “the fuck is wrong with you? You’re scaring everyone”

“I’m out for blood, hyung.” He says giving a quick glance at his surroundings before staring back at the drink in front of him.

“Yah, why do you care so much? It’s been weeks, stupid.” Yoongi shakes his head, already knowing what was clouding his thoughts.

Why does he care so much? Pft. What kind of question is that? Why does he care? Oh. Why do I care? He wonders. He looks up at his hyung, who was waiting for his answer. 

When Yoongi realises the younger couldn’t answer, it was easy for him to guess the real reason. Throughout his 10 years of knowing Namjoon he has never seen him so distressed about someone. Yoongi feels like he gets whiplash whenever he steps into the building with him, getting sick of the unneeded paranoia seeping out of his bandmate. Hyung, what if we run into her? You know what, I don’t care if we do. Oh my God is that her? He feels himself loose brain cells from the mere mention of her. It’s so obvious that Namjoon has developed a slight infatuation for the girl, no matter how much he tries to deny it when the others tease him about it. All Yoongi can think is how much he wants to meet this intern that leeches on the leader’s mind.

The older one chuckles and says walking away, “you’re lucky you’re famous, this would’ve been a restraining order against you if you were any less good looking.”

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

He decides not to fret about it. Abruptly standing up from the chair, it flips over. Realising people around him are staring, his cheeks flush. The man messily puts it back up and strides away with the beverage in hand like a man on a mission.

Striding in the direction of your floor, he breathes out to himself with a playful smirk, “Your little legs can’t run away from me any longer, y/n.”

‣

You’ve been trying okay?

After the realisation of your feelings, you decided you should try and stop your habit of running away. Giving it some thought, you realised that trying to avoid him meant that you saw him less. And that made you :( You also realised that when you see him around, he doesn’t seem like he will go up and try to speak to you anymore, which also makes you :( He has probably given up. Makes sense. It has been a month and you did make a mean comment about him smelling weird, when it wasn’t even his fault.

But maybe it’s for the best. It isn’t like your crush is going to go somewhere. This is Namjoon. Kim Namjoon. Literally millions of guys and girls would kill to just breathe the same air as him, never mind have him fall for them. You should be happy with the fact you can see him most days. Even though you do run from the mere sight of him. But, anyways!

It was a new week and the perfect time to enforce your new goals. You were feeling pretty good, humming as you sit down at your desk, ready for a days work ahead.

“Intern.” you look up from your desk and see your boss. Immediately, you stand up and bow.

“Good morning.” You greet politely.

“Thank you, you can sit down. I’ve been noticing that these days you are really stepping up your game so I just wanted to praise you.” She says stoically and you’re in shock. Is she okay? “And,  want you to help on one of the upcoming projects.”

“M-me?” You stutter out in disbelief.

“Yes, you. Don’t make me repeat myself, Intern. Joowon will keep you updated for the project.” She scolds and starts to head for the door but she stops midway and looks at you once more, “Keep up the good work.”

Trying hard to sustain your smile, you get back to previewing the reports in front of you. Did Mrs Lee of all people really just praise you? You? Guess the colour coding won her over, you think to yourself.

When Daeun texts you to come down and meet her for lunch, you get up from your desk and make your way to the canteen with an evident spring in your step.

Down the corridor you see a familiar figure walking towards your direction, you halt your steps automatically. Oh shit, here we go again. You think to yourself, giggling for a millisecond at your joke. Okay, straight face. You can do this y/n! 

Breathing in a deep breath, you start walking forwards. 

A step.

Taking a quick glance at him, you curse yourself: who gave him the right to look that good? He’s dressed in some brown overalls and a jumper. All you can think about is how adorable he looks but also how he manages to look hot at the same time. Like, damn is that even possible- Fuck, focus on the task at hand you dumb bitch.

A step.

You meekly look at him again and you meet eyes. But he looks so pretty. Your heart starts racing again. Slightly daunted from the attention, you look down at your feet with a bashful smile on your face. He looks at you in shock.

A step.

What the fuck? Okay. This wasn’t part of the plan. Namjoon’s brain shouts. He thinks his eyes are deceiving him or something. You’re voluntarily walking towards him? Him? The dog poo man? Cool. Cool. That’s cool. Deep breath. 

A step.

You know what? This is good! This actually makes his plan easier. He encourages in his head. When you’re in front of him he will just casually hand you the drink and say sorry or say hi or whatever. It’ll be fine. He assures himself, his grip on the iced drink tightening slightly in anticipation. 

Just a few more steps...

One more step.

Your shoulders slightly brush as you walk past each other and you can’t help but let out a sigh of relief because Hell yeah you just did that. Thank God. Now you can get on with your day in peace.

Another step.

Fucking abort the mission. He panics, scared he’s lost his chance. No, do it, you pussy. Bitch, I’m scared. His mind races. Is he just gonna let you go? This might not ever happen again. Namjoon decides fuck it. He inhales deeply. Let’s just improvise.

Before turning around, he musters up a deep suave voice, “Hey.”

Stopping in your tracks, you turn around and look at his back, stunned. Uh, this wasn’t in the plan.

It’s as if the next few seconds move in slow motion.

Namjoon thought, at the last second, it would be impressive to do those cool things where you see him turn around slowly, like those scenes in the movies. So he does just that.

As he turns around, you hear him start, “This is for y-” He stops himself when he stumbles. Everything goes still.

Oh my fucking God. You scream to yourself.

Oh my fucking God. Namjoon screams in his head.

It wasn’t until you fully feel the cold liquid seep through your blouse that you both think at the same time. What the fuck!?

“Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuckedy Fuck. I’m so sorry.” He freaks out, moving towards you, attempting the dry the mess off of you, “I didn’t mean it, I was just supposed to just give it to you. I’m an idiot, I’m sorry.”

You freeze, trying to process what was happening. You look down at Namjoon, who was slightly bent over and using sweater paws of his jumper to pat you dry. Your heart quickening its’ pace at the sudden intimacy.

Amidst the chaos, Namjoon looks up at your shell-shocked face and you both make eye contact again. He notices how soft your hair looks. He notices how pretty your lips are. The idol slows down his actions until it comes to an halt. Too busy bathing in your stunning eyes to continue.

His heart starts pounding faster.

Slowly, you look further down, your face getting pale at the feeling. He follows your movement, his face suddenly turning red when he realises:

He’s groping your boobs.

As if he touched fire, he swats his hands away, “I’m so sorry. I’m not a pervert, I swear!” He shouts moving his face sideways to expect a slap, “I was just trying to dry you. I’m sorry! You can hit me if you want, I deserve it.” 

He stops talking when he hears it. You’re laughing. He meets your eyes again, noticing how your face fills up with amusement. He takes a mental note of how gorgeous you are when you laugh. Your smile is contagious.

“Well, I guess we’re now even, Kim Namjoon.” You announce, he freezes, liking the way his name comes off his lips.

You review his astonished face with a look of fondness in your eyes, thinking he’s just baffled. Taking advantage of his frozen state, “If you excuse me, I’m gonna go clean myself up.”

You leave him in the middle of the corridor, an image of you smiling engraved in his brain and coffee splattered on the floor. He lets out a gigantic smile. 

Well that went better than expected.

‣

taglist: @alinerl​ @kim-jias-den​ @657mg​ @jinjccns​

a/n: hi again! thank you for reading, i hope you liked it!

[gretchensinister]

So I watched Color Out of Space yesterday because I thought it would be bad and batshit and something that would serve as good knitting background.

Only it wasn’t bad.

(Still batshit and still good knitting background though.)

I don’t really know where to start talking about this but since I’m doing this for free, I’m going to talk about eggs benedict first. I love eggs benedict. If you don’t know what it is, the standard is an English muffin, with Canadian bacon on top of it, with a poached egg on top of that, and the whole thing topped with hollandaise sauce.

I can poach an egg sort of successfully most of the time. But my standard grocery shopping doesn’t include English muffins or Canadian bacon, and making hollandaise is a whole thing with raw egg yolks and either getting your blender dirty or whisking until your arm falls off and like…if I have enough time to make a breakfast of more than one step for myself (or if I feel like having breakfast for dinner) I’m also probably trying to chill that day. Also I’m already poaching a couple of eggs and that’s where the anxiety has to go.

So when I want eggs benedict at home, it’s going to be made with: whatever kind of bread thing I have, topped with whatever kind of meat I have in the fridge (I have used a sliced-up hot dog for this), topped with a poached egg, topped with not hollandaise, but something that will work for the purpose, made by stirring up mayo with lemon juice and a dash of cayenne pepper. I’ve never been disappointed with my results, maybe because I’m a gremlin? I wouldn’t serve any of this business to a chef, but I don’t make this to serve to a chef, I make this to eat it.

Maybe that will help you understand what I’m feeling about Color Out of Space. Some spoilers below.

In the first half-hour or so of the movie, I was flip-flopping about whether the movie was “self-aware” or not. Like, is the weirdness unintentional? Should I wince with secondhand embarrassment at the filmmakers?

I think the answer is firmly NO to these two questions. In fact, I think that the filmmakers were WILDLY SUCCESSFUL in what they intended to do.

There were several different things that convinced me that they were doing whatever they were doing on purpose, including all their deviations from the H.P. Lovecraft story the movie is based on.

1. Right at the beginning, there’s a bit of flirting between the hydrologist and the daughter of the family that lives on the farm where the meteorite will soon land. Yeah it’s heterosexual nonsense, BUT. The hydrologist is Black and the daughter is white. H.P. Lovecraft’s head is suitably exploded, now we can do whatever we want.

2. The dinner scene with the family where there’s a short conversation about how the daughter is always wanting fast food. Now, in context this is just to establish that she’s missing living in the city vs. in the middle of nowhere. But importantly, she’s the first character we see in the movie and so is kind of our gateway into this situation. And she doesn’t want the home-cooked meal, she wants the fast food, even after her mother points out the questionable ingredients. “I know,” she says. “But it tastes like heaven.” Sometimes you want fast food even though you know very well that it’s not gourmet. Not every horror movie has to be a perfectly balanced tour-de-force of suspense, mystery, and social commentary. You can relax. Come into the movie.

3. The first creepy phone call. The hydrologist is at his survey camp (? IDK why he was outdoors at night in this scene actually, mumble mumble fieldwork?) and he gets a garbled, static-filled phone call on what is obviously a modern smartphone. But when he disconnects, there is the clear sound of a DIAL TONE. To me, this is too bizarre to be an accident, especially because there are a number of other phone calls and disconnections in the movie, and none of them end with a dial tone. I think the filmmakers do know what it’s like to use a phone. (Though there is a scene where the daughter is trying to call 911 and tells her father in a panic that she can’t get a dial tone. IDK what that’s about. A genuine error? A moment that might as well have a label that says “nitpickers take pot shots here”?) Back to the hydrologist. At this moment, as a viewer, I’m still thrown off by the dial tone. It’s nonsense, and that makes it a “bad movie” marker, I guess, but someone had to decide to put the sound in. It couldn’t have happened carelessly. And then the hydrologist has to block a glare of light. He uses the book he’s been reading, which is “The Willows” by Algernon Blackwood—which was one of Lovecraft’s favorite supernatural stories. It’s very clear to the audience—not a lingering shot, but still something that’s not supposed to be an Easter egg.

And this is where I say, okay. The filmmakers know their source material. They know their audience. No one in the movie is winking at the camera, and the movie is yes, kind of funky, but it’s not made in a careless way or in a way that you feel that the filmmakers are inviting laughter. It’s horror—and believe me, they’ve got some practical effects in this one are truly ghastly—but it’s horror that exists very clearly in its genre and feels playful because of that.

Three things that show that playfulness to me: the name of the hippie squatter’s cat. The cat is named G-spot, which, in the movie itself is explained as an immature joke “a pussy named—” but even as I was groaning and thinking “that’s a terrible name for a cat” the part of my brain that knows more about Lovecraft than I care to is like, “but not the WORST name for a cat!” and I don’t know if the filmmakers expected anyone to be like “well at least the cat isn’t named ———” but that was part of my reaction.

The casting of Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage is/was kind of a meme on his own, and in this movie he plays the dad of the family that lives in the house the meteor lands by. And at a certain point in the movie, his accent goes a little weird and he starts acting more like the stereotypical asshole horror movie dad. I dismissed this as just a disappointment at first, like, this is bad acting and bad acting choices and bad writing happening to move the plot. But then he switches back to his previous established character, and after it happened again I realized that this was happening because of the alien color messing with his mind! Even after accepting that the movie was being purposeful, I was still caught up in the idea of Cage as a bad actor and the movie as a bad movie that I was fooled into missing the first signs of alien mind control! That’s meta.

The kid going full creepy child like, immediately after the meteor hit. Obsessive drawing, staring off into space, invisible friends, the works. But it’s not even a main thing. We never even get a full good look at what he’s drawing. There’s no scene where either parent stops and dramatically stares at it and we wonder “oooooh is it really real?” It’s definitely real and it’s causing worse problems by the minute. The kid has gone full creepy child, but there is OTHER SHIT that is ALSO URGENT. It amused me to have this trope be present but not central.

What else do I want to say? Overall this movie had very little downtime. It didn’t waste a bunch of time with people denying that anything weird was going on, or trying to make the viewer wonder if all this was real. It’s real and it’s fucking up your alpacas! The movie assumes that viewers know “The Colour Out of Space” and doesn’t tease us with any “what-is-happening-if-anything” tension. Of course it’s happening. Show us what we came to see.

I think what made it successful for me were the same kinds of things that make good fanfiction successful, which only makes sense as it is essentially a “The Color Out of Space” modern AU. The willingness to play with tropes, the assumption of viewer familiarity with the source, etc.

The effects were used judiciously, and if some of it just seemed like a light filter or two I have to say I don’t really care.

And I think that’s all for now. Oh, except that I want to mention, only the Black guy lived. The hydrologist was the one to narrate the opening and the closing, the only voice that spoke any words from the original short story. Whaddaya know.

[maxgrayarchived]

The Walking Dead & Queer Representation

How many horror movies and tv shows can you name with queer protagonists? The Walking Dead has been on air for ten years now, and given its genre, it has a surprising amount of queer characters. The numbers themselves are nice, but when writing any minority, it’s important to have tact. 

    As an avid fan of The Walking Dead and a member of the queer community, I’ve taken it upon myself to break down how the show chooses to represent queer characters and what they’re doing right and wrong.

    First, a few disclaimers: 

    This post contains spoilers for seasons 1-9, including major character deaths. I won’t go over anything that happens past season 9. 

    Queer people are going to die. This is a zombie show. People die in every episode. It would be pandering for all the queer characters to stay alive throughout the entire show. 

    I am a pansexual transboy. The characters I’m talking about are assumed to be gay, cisgender boys and girls. Notice that my experience differs from theirs and if I say something that counteracts something a lesbian or a gay man says about the characters representing their identity, you should listen to them and not me.

    I like the word queer. I think it’s a great word and I’ll be using it a lot. Since almost nobody’s sexuality in confirmed in this show I use it a lot to avoid pan/bi/ace erasure. If you don’t like that word, be prepared for it now or accept that this post is not for you.

    Finally, this does NOT include things from Fear the Walking Dead. Fear the Walking Dead is… such a different show in so many ways, especially in LGBT+ representation, and that’s going to require a whole ass different post (how did they fuck up that show so bad). 

    Let’s get down to it! 

    Introductions & Coming Outs 

    Tara: 

    We meet Tara when the Governor wanders into her and her sister’s apartment building after seeing her niece, Meghan, in the window. She immediately puts herself between her family and a potential threat with a gun in her hand. She doesn’t take any of the Governor’s shit, and her first priority is making sure he knows that if he does anything to hurt her family, he’ll pay for it. Once that’s all out of the way, though, she lets a friendlier side of her show and jokes around with him. 

    Our first introduction to queer characters in the show is done well. There’s nothing about her that would ‘tip off’ to the fact that she’s a lesbian, and she’s her own, fleshed out character. 

    We find out she’s a lesbian after she and her family leaves with the Govorner. They’re walking down a street with trees lining each side, and she starts to complain about it reminding her of an ex-girlfriend and a date they went on. This is dropped so casually that I didn’t even notice it in the first watch. 

    It’s later confirmed she’s a lesbian (instead of pan/bi/etc) when Eugene hits on her and she says, “Yeah, I like girls.”

    She comes out (the first time) in such a casual way that I’m hesitant to even call it a coming out. If the Governor wasn’t there, and if we weren’t watching, it would just be a girl complaining to her sister about an ex.

    Alisha: 

    This is my only time mentioning Alisha because that’s how minor of a character she is. 

    We meet her when Tara’s sister, Lily, is stitching up her palm after Alisha “got cute with her knife” and cut herself. Tara is watching from a bit away, and starts flirting with her by talking about weapons. Alisha asks if she’s always this full of shit, and Tara says, “Yes, I am.” It’s a really cute moment. It’s not overtly sexual, it’s not predatory, it’s not weird, it’s just two girls flirting with each other. 

    This is a great way to casually slide in a gay relationship. It’s not made to be a big deal, it’s just another relationship in the story. Before they mentioned that Tara was gay, now they’re acting on that, instead of pussying out like other shows do.

    Aaron & Eric: 

    I’m putting these two in one category because, when we met them, they were together. 

    Our first impression of Aaron is when he comes up to Maggie and Sasha, unarmed, when they’re alone. He puts his hands in the air and asks to speak to Rick, saying that he’s a friend and he has good news. When Maggie and Sasha bring him back to the barn they’re holed down in, he tells them about his community, Alexandria, and welcomes them all to come home with him. He gives us no reason to distrust him (despite the very obvious ‘this is a stranger and generally strangers either try to rob, eat, or kill us’) and is, all and all, patient and understanding of the group’s distrust.

    We meet Eric approximately twenty five seconds before one of the cutest kisses in the show. He sees the panic on Aaron’s face and quickly tries to calm him down, explain his injury and that it’s not a big deal, and that Maggie fixed him up, and he likes her, and- And then Aaron, in a fit of overwhelming concern and relief, rushes up to him and interrupts him with a kiss. 

    One of the cutest kisses in the show. 

    Eric then teases Aaron for being worried about him, we get some domestic goodness when Eric gives Aaron a license plate for his collection, we’re rewarded with this face:

    and, all in all, it’s a good scene. It’s cute, it’s realistic, we can see how much these two care about each other, and Rick’s reaction will make me laugh until I die. 

    Denise: 

    When we first meet Denise, she is a scared, overwhelmed new doctor. She does her best to lower the bar and expresses concern that she isn’t actually capable of being the doctor of Alexandria. 

    At one point, Denise almost has a breakdown from stress and tells Tara that her patient’s condition is too fatal, and Denise isn’t capable of saving him. Tara tells her that being afraid if just something she’s going to have to get over. A little while later, after Denise manages to stabilize her patient’s condition and save his life, she goes over to Tara and kisses her. That’s how we learn she likes girls. Her and Tara continue a romantic relationship after that, and it’s all really cute and sweet.

    Jesus: 

    For those of you who don’t watch the show, quick disclaimer… “Jesus” is the nickname of the character Paul Rovia. We are not talking about Jesus Christ. Just to be clear. 

    Our first impression of Jesus is… Kind of fucking awesome. So far our queer characters have been, by and large, absolute dorks. When we first meet Jesus, he scams Rick and Daryl, snags their keys without them noticing, and steals their truck full of food and supplies. After then he puts up one hell of a fight during his and the duo’s back and forth (unfortunately, none of them are badass enough to save that big truck from sinking to the bottom of the lake. Good job, guys). He even saves Daryl’s life during that very same battle. Jesus continues to do badass things during his introduction, but you probably get the gist.

    Jesus’s coming out is so far my favourite in the show. In the season after he’s introduced, he’s having a talk with Maggie, admitting that he’s never really fit in with anyone. He thanks her for making Hilltop feel more like a home. He says, “I’ve always found it hard getting close to anyone- Neighbors, friends… Boyfriends.” Unlike Aaron and Eric, it’s a very casual coming out, mentioned only to someone he’s come to really trust and admire.

    I think the way Jesus expresses his sexuality is a very important distinction from the way Aaron and Eric express theirs. Aaron is glad to mention it any time it’s relevant- For example he has a talk with Daryl when they’re alone about being outsiders, telling Daryl (who’s having trouble acclimating to his time in Alexandria) that it does get better. He references his romantic relationship with Eric and how, paraphrasing, some otherwise really lovely boys and girls will say the most hilariously offensive things. Jesus’s sexuality is a much more personal thing to him. 

    Both of these characters are valid, and there is nothing wrong with the way either of them choose to express their love. There needs to be more pieces of media that have queer characters that differ in this way. 

    Magna & Yumiko: 

    Magna and Yumiko are introduced towards the end of the ninth season, so I don’t know very much about them. They’re part of a small group of survivors who are looking for a settlement that’ll take them in. Magna is very distrusting, especially of Michonne. She’s impulsive, and paranoid. Yumiko, as a foil, is calmer and more rational. She’s defensive about Magna (and the rest of her group) and protective. They have the potential to make a really good team- They balance each other out well. 

   We learn that they’re together when they agree to split up so Magna can help the main group with the current crisis, and Magna kisses Yumiko goodbye. There were times before it was confirmed that they hinted at their relationship, for instance when one of them had their head in the other’s lap in the background of a shot and were talking quietly. When talking to Michonne, Yumiko tells a story about Magna with a fond smile.

   I think, so far, they’re in the clear. 

   Personality Diversity 

   It seems obvious, but it’s important to make each character different. A lot of cishet people (and even some queer people) when writing queer characters for the first time seem to get fixated on whatever they think are ‘queer qualities.’ Every queer character they write ends up being the same one. Let’s go over the ways each queer character on The Walking Dead are their own, and can’t be lumped into the same. 

   Levels of capability: 

   Denise was an objectively weak character. She had been hidden behind the walls of Alexandria the entire apocalypse, had never killed a walker, and didn’t even know how to fight. But she died trying to be better. She asked for Daryl and Rosita’s help, people much more capable and experienced than her, and she risked her life for the good of the community.

   The other queer characters are all very capable of taking care of themselves, to various extents. Tara started in a bit of a rough spot. She was better off than Denise, though, in that she knew how to shoot a gun and, being out with the Governor, she quickly grew first hand experience. Eric didn’t have as much experience, but, like Denise, he was ready to step up when they needed him. I would put Aaron on the same combat level as Tara. I mentioned Jesus’s badassery- He’s on par with Rick, Daryl, and Michonne in my opinion. As for Magna and Yumiko, they specialize in teamwork. 

   Strong suits: 

   The show also, in my opinion, did a good job at not making them the Token Gay Characters because they each have their own strong suits. Tara is extremely determined and good at giving tough love when someone else is willing to give up. Jesus is clever and savvy (firecrackers in a trashcan?). Denise was a fucking doctor (pretty much). We don’t know much about Yumiko and Magna, but I’m sure they’ll have their own strengths as well. Each character has a specialty that’ll come in handy in different situations.

  Nuance: 

  I mentioned before that a lot of our queer characters have been pretty dorky. In my opinion, they’ve done a good job at leveling that out with Jesus, Magna, and Yumiko.

  I’d also just like to take a minute to mention Tara’s fashion. I feel like they HAVE to have a lesbian on costumes, because the way Tara dresses is just a detail that you’d only think of if you’re involved in the queer community.

  Look at all those fucking flannels. 

  Deaths

  With any character, killing them is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. Sure, there are some deaths that seem relatively minor (Carter’s death when the hoard from the quarry split into two, for example), and there are deaths that are HUGE (Glenn), but each and every one served a purpose. Killing characters off for shock value or for blood or just to keep things exciting are all signs of a bad or inexperienced writer. 

  It’s also important to remember what this post is about- How they’ve been representing queer characters. Death is a HUGE part of that, it could make or break their entire score. Death is a sensitive subject in the queer community due to the countless hate crimes that resulted in the deaths of queer people that went unresolved and unacknowledged. In most genres, killing queer people off at all is seen as a no-no (we’re murdered enough in real life). But, as I mentioned earlier, in a show set in the zombie apocalypse, people are going to die, and that includes queer people. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have tact.

  Denise: 

  Denise’s death is the easiest to see why it’s necessary. Let’s break it down. 

  Denise died the exact same death that Abraham did in the comic books. Why is this important? Because that gave Abraham the opportunity to be there when Negan was introduced, which is when he actually died, which Sasha saw, which pinned all of Sasha’s (and Rosita’s) anger on Negan. That led to a HUGE plot point, and Sasha’s own eventual death and the almost-victory of Rick Grimes and the almost-death of Negan! And even though all didn’t go fully to plan, it still created the distraction that was needed to begin the war, which drastically changed the course of the series. That’s why Denise died. So that Sasha could distract Negan and give Rick and his group the upper hand in the war. 

  I was SO sad when Denise died, but from a writer’s standpoint, it’s a death I can appreciate.

  Eric: 

  I’m not saying Eric’s death was pointless, because it didn’t feel pointless, but I can’t exactly pinpoint the reason. However, we don’t always get to know that right away or have it be obvious. I’m inclined to do a pass on this one.

  Now, onto the death itself. It was… So goddamn sad. In a fight for freedom from the Saviors, Eric was shot. Aaron immediately gets him out of the battle and brings him to a quiet place. Eric convinces him to keep fighting, because he knows that they need Aaron, saying “I can die here just fine on my own.” They say they love each other, and they kiss, and Aaron runs back to the fight. When Aaron gets back, Eric has turned and is wandering off in the distance. Another Alexandrian keeps Aaron from running after him, and comforts him.

  And, I’m adding this because I think it’s important, when Aaron gets back to Rick and the group, Rick is holding a little baby named Gracie (let’s not get into how he found this baby). He needs someone to take her back to the Kingdom, so she’ll be safe… And Aaron takes her. He says, please, I have to, let me take her. Aaron adopts a little baby girl.

  I personally think the death was done very well. Queerness aside, it was STRONG. It was so emotionally powerful. Aaron’s friend being there to help him and keep him from doing something stupid, him putting his mourning into doing something good (taking care of Gracie), and ESPECIALLY Eric himself telling Aaron to go, that there are more important things to be done. Emotionally speaking, it might be my favorite death in the series. It hurts, but I think it was done so well.

 Jesus: 

 Jesus’s death was fucking stupid.

 Like, I know, blahblahblah, it was important to the plot, we need to be mad at the Whisperers, we needed a reason to fight, blah fucking blah I’m still not over it. I fucking hate Jesus’s death. I WASN’T expecting it, and I’m fucking annoyed.

 The biggest reason I’m annoyed is because I was waiting for them to reveal Aaron and Jesus’s relationship. I’ll talk more about why that bothered me later, but the reason Jesus’s death was awful, was because it’s inextricable from this fatal flaw.

 Tara: 

 I’m writing this after seeing Tara’s death for the first time pretty recently. I’ve only seen it once, and the problems I have with the death aren’t the death itself at all. In fact, I think, queer-wise, it was done pretty well. I mean, it happened with a whole bunch of straighties, you know? It’s not like they put a bunch of queer kids’ heads on pikes, she was the only queer one. So I hesitantly say it was alright.

 Eric, Jesus, & Tara: 

 This is an important part that bothers me a bit. I’m not sure how serious it is, because I very well could just be being sensitive, but… Jesus’s death happened VERY suddenly, and then right after that we lost Tara. And Eric’s death hadn’t happened too long before, either. Especially when, in comparison to the straighties, we have such a small cast of queer characters, to lose so many of them so fast… It was kind of exhausting. I’d love to hear other queer fans’ thoughts about this and if you think I’m being overdramatic, or if you feel similarly.

 What Did They Do Wrong? 

 Before closing out the post, let’s sum everything up and give some final thoughts. 

 Jesus’s death and his relationship with Aaron: 

 I was absolutely devastated when Jesus died, and not in the good way. I accidentally read a “spoiler” that said Aaron was Jesus’s boyfriend, so I was waiting for that to be revealed. Every time Aaron and Jesus were in danger, I wasn’t scared at all, because I thought they can’t die without revealing that first.

 And, I mean, after that six year gap SO many straighties were revealing their relationships. Not a single gay relationship? Not a single fucking one? I was waiting for Jesus and Aaron to reveal their relationship and instead, one of them died. 

 And it wasn’t just the spoiler that did this. My sister didn’t know this spoiler, and she thought they were going to get together, too. But it wasn’t just “oh there are two gay guys in the same room they HAVE to get together.” We’ve both seen scenes with the two of them together in previous seasons, and neither of us had ever thought they were going to get together. After that six year gap, Aaron and Jesus had chemistry. It seemed like they purposefully set them up just to kill one of them.

 No trans characters: 

 It’s been ten fucking years PLEASE give me a trans character. Or, and I know, this is crazy, but maybe a couple. Unless of course the zombies have a particular taste for transies and we were all killed off at the start. 

 I would KILL for a transguy character who can’t bind and doesn’t pass, but all the good characters are calling him by the correct pronouns anyway and it’s not a big deal. 

 Please. Add some trans characters. 

 Missed opportunities: 

 My best way of explaining this is calling back to a minor character, a man who got bit after the hoard from the quarry split in half. He’s talking about his wife, how he wants to get back to her and say goodbye. He could have easily been talking about his husband. 

 Some people might disagree, saying that since he’s bit and he’s going to die, that this would be a really bad idea, but… I don’t think so. There’s enough major queer characters in the show to balance this out, and, I mean, come on, it’s a show about zombies. People die every episode. This gay man just happened to be one of them. We don’t even meet his wife! It would be so easy. 

 I think it’s a weakness that their only queer characters are major characters, because background characters are part of what reminds you that there’s a whole world out there. It’s part of the immersion. If we never meet any queer background characters, it makes the major characters outliers. I realize this is nitpicking, but it’s been ten fucking years. I’m not going to take the time to tally up every single character, major and minor, in The Walking Dead and label them as assumed straight or confirmed queer, but we can all guess what that list would look like. 

 What Did They Do Right? 

 They made sure to always have at least one queer character: 

 We’re missing our queer characters in the first two seasons, but once we have Tara, we have at least one queer character to look up to in every single season. Some cishet people might think this is pandering, but it’s a very important part (NOT the entirety) of avoiding the Bury Your Gays trope.

 Every time they killed a queer character, there was a reason: 

 They’re not just slicing and dicing. 

 Personality differences: 

 They’re all their very own character, and there’s not any “queer traits.”

Coming outs: 

They were all in character and done realistically.

They didn’t queer-bait or introduce a gay character just to kill them:

Every queer character so far has had a decent shelf life. For major characters, let’s keep it that way.

xxx

Talk to me about this! I want to know what you agree with me on, what you don’t, whether you’re fans of The Walking Dead or not. 

Question/s of the month: 

My first question is for people of colour, both those of you who are fans of The Walking Dead and who aren’t: How do you feel about how the Walking Dead chooses to represent people of colour? Go crazy, ramble as long as you want, I really want to know! 

My second question is a request: Please recommend me movies and tv shows in the horror genre specifically that have queer characters! Whether it’s done well or not, I want to see them all (I’ve already seen It: Chapter 2 and I love American Horror Story). 

Let me know what you think about this series, please! I want to do one on the horror genre as a whole and The Good Place, so if this is well received, I’ll get started on that!

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Writing Ramblings

Adding my zombie apocalypse wips tag list:

@nemowritesstuff​ @sidhewrites​  

[gothiccbts-blog]

My Darling, Chapter 2

Genre: Murder Mystery, Horror, Angst (in this chapter)

Pairing: BTS x Reader

Summary: Working as a detective constable for 5 years definitely had you seeing some horrific scenes in your career. However, nothing would prepare you for the string of murders around the city which all had one intention; getting your attention.

Words: 4.4k

Author’s note: Hello! Sorry, this took so long to write, I was in London at the Wembley concerts (which were AMAZING btw) and also doing some shit in real life but here is chapter 2 finally!! Let me know what you think, thank you!! - Lisa 

Chapter 1◀         ▶Next Chapter

‘Dear My Darling, Y/n Y/l/n,

Finally, my words meet your beautiful sparkling eyes, I can only imagine how they widen and still in shock as you take in each one of my words on this very piece of paper. Even writing this knowing that you’ll be holding it one day is getting me all excited here, detective~ haha.

You’re finally getting to notice something of me. Finally, I’m getting your attention. If only I could see your doe eyes in real life staring back into mine. You’re so beautiful, detective. I don’t think you get told that enough. You’re just surrounded by dogs who can’t see the true flower that’s right in front of their eyes, they don’t deserve to be in your presence. They don’t deserve you.

Anyway! You’re probably wondering; ‘why is all of this happening?’ ‘do I know this person?’ ‘am I being stalked?’ and as much as I would love to give you answers, I won’t. It would spoil the game, silly! A little game of ‘who did it?’ to keep you on your toes, detective, doesn’t that sound fun?~

I must leave now, places to go, people to see, people to kill… I’ll see you soon, detective <3,

But you won’t see me~

L.32’

-

7:28pm

“L.32’? What the fuck does that mean? Is this guy talking in code or something?” A frustrated and obviously anxious voice booms from beside me as he runs his hands over his pale face for the 10th time since he got into the lab, not that I was really listening at this point.

After seeing that letter on the ground of the night club’s freezer and having to open it with cold stiff hands, processing every word, process what was actually happening; You’ve been in a state of pure shock ever since. Apparently, it’s been almost 12 hours since you found the letter, for 12 hours you’ve been in this lab with forensics and other officers, but it all feels like 12 minutes at the most, your mind right now is in a dream-like state. You always see victims at crime scenes, ones who discovered or witnessed vile and outright evil acts that have been committed or even in TV shows, they’re sitting there like an empty shell of a human with a blanket wrapped around them just staring into nothing as though their whole entire being has been shut down within them. You never actually know how shock feels until you experience it yourself.

It’s trauma. Your body goes numb and suddenly everything around you is just in a state of blur, voices aren’t even reaching your ears, air isn’t reaching your lungs, your muscles tense up like they’ve turned to stone, unable to move from the ground you’re stood on, your brain is working at hyper speed trying to process and make sense of the events that have just occurred. That’s a shock. That’s what you’re having to deal with.

“I can’t say anything right now as we don’t have any results or answers back… we’re working as fast as we can on this, Officer.”

You’re very thankful for that voice, the deep and honey-rich voice that belongs to no other than your roommate and long-time best friend, Kim Namjoon. You both met back at University, you both having a keen interest in crime and forensics so you both instantly clicked. It all began with you being forced to work with him and a few other people on a group project, needless to say, you both bonded over how the other students weren’t helping with the project leading to endless nights of bitching. Oh, what a simple time that was.

You’re so happy and thankful to have him within this field with you working as a Forensic Scientist, he’s always been there from terrible boyfriends and break-ups to when you’re having a mental breakdown over a homicide case. He’s your rock and you couldn’t be more thankful for meeting the big tree of a man, plus he has a good taste in plants for your shared apartment so that’s always a plus.

“Hey, Y/n… you still with us?”

You’re quickly snapped out of your daydream when Namjoon waves his glove covered hand in front of your face, a small smile appearing on his lips, not in amusement but more in sympathy.

“I’m fine, Joon… Just a little… shocked, that’s all.” You say honestly if there’s anyone who can read you like a book it’s him so there’s no point in putting on a fake mask of being okay when you’re totally not.

“Maybe you should call it a day, y/n. You look really tired; a good night’s rest will do you some good,” He suggests, looking like he’s just witnessed a crying puppy in an alleyway as he looks down at you, your eyes must be revealing how drained you are to him as you look up at him,

“Plus, analysis on the paper, pen, and handwriting used on the letter will take a good day to come back with results, that and trying to pinpoint any clues or indications within the writing itself… you should use this time to rest, please.”

A hand comes in contact with your other shoulder, rubbing the numb skin a little as the body comes closer, making you break eye-contact with Namjoon to turn to face the person.

“He’s right, Miss y/l/n, you should call it a day… do you need me to give you a ride home?” Officer Min softly asks as he peers down at you, a look of sympathy on his face, mirroring Namjoon’s. It’s not often Officer Min changes his expression from his neutral ‘cold’ one, that’s another reason why he’s always picked to lead the homicide cases around the city, he’s got that threatening look to him which gets people to talk. You know he isn’t just a stone cold officer, you’ve noticed the little things he does to show he actually cares; getting you coffee when you’ve got a long night, making sure you eat and get home safely, making sure you’re not cold or not too warm. It’s the little things that you appreciate.

You shake your head, too drained from all of this to even bring yourself to say no, all you can let out is; “I need a walk, don’t worry…” before pushing yourself away from both of the men, grabbing your jacket and putting it over your vulnerable and stiff body, the weight of the jacket feels like it’s increased as though someone’s put boulders into your pockets, or maybe it’s your body that’s grown weak.

“be careful, Miss y/l/n, give me a call if you need anything…” Officer Min says, sympathy laced throughout his words before the man next to him speaks up,

“There are some leftovers in the fridge, heat them up then call it a night, you always forget to eat…” Namjoon states more than he suggests, he’s always looking out for you especially during big cases like this, although all of those cases seem pretty little now.

With a nod and a forced smile, you make your way to exit the building, just trying to keep whatever Namjoon has left in the fridge for you in mind rather than the nauseating letter that’s sat in that very lab.

-

8:00pm

The cold piercing air brushes against your exhausted and discoloured skin as you make your way down the damp pavement, the streetlights being your only source of sight as well as some car’s headlights which would pass now and then. It’s weird, you thought, how your mind isn’t bursting at the seams with possibilities and questions into the events that occurred tonight but rather it’s quiet. Not a single thought or idea is running its way through your mind and developing into worries and ‘what if’s, instead you’re just enjoying the silence of the world around you. The silence of the street. The silence in your head.

As if your body was being controlled by someone else, you’re stopped dead in your tracks, right in front of a pathway coming off of the pavement, only lit by a single orange street light in the middle of it. You head slowly turning as your eyes scan the concrete of the ground trying to figure out why your body had the sudden urge to stop as you made your way home.

Your eyes widen as realisation dawns on you as to where this other path leads to; The Stigma Nightclub. You should’ve guessed since the faint noise of the club’s bass travels through the air to where you’re standing, cold in the middle of a dimly lit pavement.

The murder all seems different now, it isn’t just something you can detach yourself from and solve through an outsider’s perspective, this time you’re entangled in this mess. This involves you now, that what makes this murder so much different. You were on this person’s mind as he was slaughtering this poor boy, you were on this person’s mind when he stained his fingers with the person’s blood and smeared it on the cold brick wall of the club. You.

Without any thought, you’re moving in the direction of the bass and laughter, seems like Mr. Jung hasn’t decided to keep the club closed for even a few days after the murder happened. Not that you’re surprised in the slightest, he is money hungry after all and he doesn’t hide it. All you have to do is take one look at what he’s wearing and you’ll know that he’s proud of his bank account. Always the latest designer watches, rings, personally designed suits and shoes, his outfits alone are easily over a million dollars. 

Your eyes burn at the sight of the vibrant pink neon sign at the club’s entrance piercing through the darkness of the night. It’s pretty packed outside already with girl’s shivering in their tight and short bodycon dresses and men who are obviously trying to look impressive and appealing to whoever they can get their hands on. They’re all waiting like caged animals behind a red rope waiting for the club to open at 9pm.

Just shows how popular this club really is, even with murder right outside its doorstep there’s still people coming here waiting to fill their stomachs with alcohol. You can’t blame them really I mean, you used to be one of them.

You move before you catch the stern eyes of one of the bouncers, who seem to be occupied by an already very drunk and touchy girl trying to get in early, heading to the side of the club which is still covered in police tape and markings of where the boy’s body was. From the looks of things, the crime scene cleaners have already come since all is left of the murder is the faint red stains on the concrete of the ground and the brick wall.

You duck under the police tape with shaky legs, your wide eyes focused on the brick wall of the club, the faint stain of the embedded message still slightly visible.

‘My Darling..’ you mumble to yourself, your stiff fingers moving out to touch the cold wall like a puppet being controlled by some string, your brain congested with the question of who the hell would write this message specifically for you? And why? What did they want from You?

A bright flash of white light had you snap out of your trance, your glossed over eyes rapidly blinking in order to get your eyes back in focus as you turn to the direction of the sound of movement.

A figure. You can’t identify who it is as you squint, the person seems to have their hood up and… is that a camera?

Whoever this seems not to have noticed you yet, you are pretty far back in the alley since you were looking at the writing, plus this person clearly is focused on something else rather than you.

Maybe they’re forensics? Weird, I thought Officer Min’s team was finished here, especially since everything’s been cleaned up... You thought, staying as still as you can so you can try and take in as much of this person’s appearance before getting noticed, luckily the sound of people’s laughter and shouting from the front of the club are drowning out the noise of your rapid breathing from fright.

They’re lean... tall... maybe 5’9”? 5’10”? Pale from what I can see from their hands around the camera lens... looks male from their build…

The bright flash of light illuminates the alleyway, giving me a millisecond of the appearance of the stranger. Obviously, this boy appears to have noticed me too by the way his brown doe-like eyes widened as his shutter went off. He’s wearing an oversized black hoodie with the hood up, the peak of his dark brown fringe coming out from underneath, pale glowing skin.

“Hey! What are you doing?”

Trying to sound as stern and intimidating as I can, I take a few steps towards the boy who is obviously in a panicked state by the way his shoulders are tensed up and his fingers tighten around the camera.

“What are you doing at a crime scene, you know I could have you arr- hey!”

Before I could even reach him or finish my sentence, he makes a run for it, his head quickly ducking underneath the tape as he sprints over the wet pavement, as far away from the club as he can. My natural instinct is to sprint after him, my own fitness level only allowing me to run so fast. This boy is obviously quite fit if he can this fast! Must be an athlete or something! Your thighs and calves are already on fire and you’re not even going at half the speed he is.

“Stop running! Hey!”

Your loud and strained shout, obviously not going to the gym for a while has worn you out easily, must have startled him as the next thing you hear is a smash of what sounds like glass, his camera.

Quickly scrambling to pick it up, leaving pieces of his shattered camera on the wet pavement as he makes a run for it again before he’s out of sight, jumping over a nearby fence into god knows where, probably some poor family’s garden.

With painful breaths you slowly make your way to where he dropped his camera, looking down to see broken glass and some plastic. Deserves him right for creeping on a crime scene.

‘Shit…’

As you’re about to walk away, pissed now that you have to call Officer Min and tell him exactly what just happened in detail, something else on the ground catches your eye where the smashed camera parts are laying. Squatting down, you pick it up from the murky ground, rubbing off some of the dirt with your thumb. It’s a little small black piece of plastic in the square-like shape, but you know exactly what it is; an SD card. A proud smirk takes over your dried-out lips. Let’s go see what other photos you take, creep.

-

8:45pm

Your exhausted body finally relaxes as you flop onto the soft comfort of your sofa, not bothering to take off your jacket or your shoes, it’s too much effort to do right now. The last thing you needed tonight was to do a 100-meter dash in the most uncomfortable shoes in the world but who knows what this job will throw at you, all you know is: you’re in dire need of a massage and some wine.

Finally dragging your deflated body off of the couch, you drag your feet into the kitchen, immediately going to the wine rack that you and Namjoon keep stocked up and grab one of the cheapest bottles of red wine. Grabbing a glass from the top shelf of your cupboard with a drawn-out groan and pouring yourself a well-deserved drink, not before grabbing the bottle and taking it back to the couch with you. You already know the whole bottle is going to be empty by the end of the night.

A loud moan escapes your lips as you take off your torturous shoes, if the neighbours had heard they’d think you were finally hooking up with someone. Truth is, after Taehyung you were never with anyone else, not even one-night stands sounded appealing to you. In your mind, if it wasn’t Taehyung then why bother? He was the one you wanted, why settle for anyone else?

Now you’re too busy to look for anyone else after your heart was broken, you didn’t see a point in trying to build a relationship again, truth is you never got over him. How could you? You had your whole future planned with him from your wedding, honeymoon, future house, future kids, and then for it all to be shattered by his hands and thrown away was just too much for you. How could you move on after something like that?

The piercing taste of the cheap wine hitting your taste buds takes you away from those thoughts, I can’t be thinking of that now!

Suddenly remember what you picked up tonight, you reach into your jacket pocket and take out the still dirty SD card. Wiping away some of the dirt from the small golden plates, you grab my laptop and carefully put in into the correct slot, your chipped fingernails drumming on the surface of the laptop in the anxiety of what I might find.

If this guy is weird enough to take photos of a crime scene, who knows what else I’ll find on this thing…maybe I should call Officer Min first…

Glancing at your phone on the table, you shake your head, he’ll probably be passed out or too busy with Forensics right now to bother with this. Plus, that means calling him and you’re really not in the mood for any more human interaction for the night, today has been too rough.

Finally, your laptop is able to read the damaged SD card, multiple files appearing on your screen. This guy must use this SD card a lot seeing as there are multiple folders on here. Looking at his first glance you’d think that this was a normal person’s memory card, files such as ‘Holiday 2017’, ‘Photography’ and ‘Other’ are all carefully organised.

Moving your cursor, you click on the file titled ‘Photography’ and before you know it your screen is filled with various photos; photos of anything you could imagine. Plants, buildings, the sea, architecture, clouds, people, this is everything you would see in the portfolio of a professional photographer. If you didn’t think this guy was such a creep you’d be impressed with his work, doesn’t look like he’s going to be taking any more professional photos like these for a while considering he smashed his lens running.

Going back, you try to find some of the photos he took tonight, he couldn’t have deleted them while he was running. Biting the skin of your lip as you move onto the ‘Other’ folder, the grey blank squares slowly loading to reveal what you were looking for.

These aren’t just photos of this crime scene; these are photos from so many crimes scenes. You click on one, a small gasp coming from you as you take it in in all its glory. He took these while police were there, while forensics themselves were taking photos! How did he even manage to sneak there without anyone noticing?

Skipping to the next photo, your heart is frozen stiff when your brain finally picks apart what it is that’s staring at you from the screen. It’s you. This photo must have been from like last year from what you can tell from the length of your hair, plus you don’t wear that jacket anymore.

In the photo you’re facing a body on the floor, you remember; It was a robbery gone wrong. Poor guy was making his way home from work from a car insurance company in town, some young boys decided it was a good idea to try and rob the guy, needless to say, they got what they wanted. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you look as though mid-conversation, probably with Officer Min who is usually always by your side, even back then.

The photo is just focused on you, this guy is obviously using his professional photography skills in order to capture you. You try to steady your breathing, trying not to jump to the conclusion that you’re already thinking; is this man linked with the murder?

With a sudden harsh press to the ‘esc’ button, the photo is quickly removed from your screen, your shaking fingers coming up to rub your tired eyes. As if this day couldn’t get any worse.

As you’re about to pull the SD card out of its slot in your laptop, a sick feeling washing over your exhausted body unable to look at anymore, sudden realisation dawn over you. There’s still another folder on this memory card. It’s innocently titled ‘Holiday 2017’.

Swallowing, your fingers find the touchpad and move the cursor over to the file, closing your eyes as you double click, god knows what this sick fuck will have hidden in her- huh?

It’s… it’s literally holiday photos.

Photos of the beach, family members, group photos, drinks and food, lots of happy smiles. Thank god, no more photos of dead bodies or even you. You sigh out in relief, grabbing your wine glass again as you skim through all the photos, seeing if anyone matches the physic of the boy you saw tonight.

Downing the remainder of your glass, you sigh out, looks like this guy was taking more photos of his friends and family rather than have him in them. Well, it’s a start I guess, I could always take these to Officer Min and look through some databases for any identification of any of these people. Hopefully, some are family members, that would just be grand.

Pausing at one photo you notice that it isn’t older people anymore, it appears to be young men, look around the age of the boy tonight. Leaning in towards the screen, you scan the bodies before you reach one face in particular, your intoxicated brain taking a moment to identify who the person in this photo is.

‘No… it can’t be…’

Moving your fingers on the touchpad, you zoom in on the man’s face, a sharp intake in breath fills your lungs. It’s him.

It’s Jimin. Taehyung’s roommate. Smiling on the beach with some other guys you don’t recognise.

Oh, what a night this is.

-

Friday 7:38am

After seeing that image of Jimin on that man’s SD card, you already knew exactly what you were doing today. Let’s just hope Jimin still lives in the same place as before and hopefully he isn’t home. The last thing you need is to be faced to face with the man that broke your heart again.

“Baby? You awake?” a deep and husky voice said into your ear, the feeling of a hand rubbing the side of your thigh also pulls you out of your slumber.

“Mmm, well now I am…” you smile sleepily, keeping your eyes closed as you move your hand on top of his, your fingertips brushing over the smooth skin of his hand.

“You know… Jimin’s out right now, he got called into work early…” the feeling of wet pecks being placed against your neck has a giggle escape from your lips, your eyes fluttering open slightly.

“And? What are you suggesting, Tae?” you innocently ask, feeling his hand turn to intertwine his long slender fingers with yours, his leg managing to make its way in-between yours.

“Well… It involves a lot of this…” he says as he places more and more kisses all over your neck, his teeth grazing against the skin of your neck.

“This…” his hand is now released from your fingers, slowly making its way up your stomach just below your breasts, a teasing laugh escaping his lips as he runs his fingers between the valley of your breasts till it reaches under your chin, where he tilts your head towards his.

“and maybe just some of this…” he grins, leaning in to place his plump lips onto yours, both of you smiling into the kiss as my moves his body on top of yours.

You stop your car with a loud sigh, just staring at your steering wheel before slowly tearing it away to look at the apartment complex in front of you. Oh, how it’s been so long since you’ve been here. You practically lived here with Taehyung when you were dating, you both were inseparable. The last time you were here was when your heart was broken.

Shaking that memory from your head, it’s too early to be thinking back to that, you think. This is for business, for work, there are people’s lives in danger here you shouldn’t let your past come in the way of this. Who knows what will happen if you don’t catch this creepy bastard.

The clicking of your shoes echoes through the hallway of the apartment, making your way up the cold concrete stairs up to the 3rd floor, you know now never to take the lift, the amount of times you got stuck in that metal death trap is unbelievable! Although you and Taehyung always made most of your time alone in there.

The familiar sight of the discoloured wooden door with the number ‘36’ displayed in silver is now in front of you, a breathy laugh comes from your lips; looks like they never did get round to painting the door again, no matter how many times you told them.

You look at your watch, it’s almost 8am, Jimin doesn’t usually leave to work in his family’s butchers till 9am which means he should be up. That is if he still even works there. Let’s just hope Taehyung is passed out or moved out, you pray.

Your knuckles bang against the wood before stepping back, your jaw clenching with nerves as you hear shuffling from behind the door, keeping your head down as you hear the fumbling of keys and the lock turning.

You bring your head up when the door is swiftly brought open, the lump in your throat now getting even bigger when you see who’s answered the door.

“Y-y/n? Baby?”

Oh no.

[timeisacephalopod]

Without Romance

Have an ironpanther soulmate AU (where you see color when you meet your soulmate) in which Tony is aromantic and poor T’Challa is his soulmate and also confused by the Americans. Though Tony doesn’t use the word ‘aromantic’ because its not a term he’s ever come across before. But its pretty obvious that he’s aro.

Tony is trying to wrangle his damn cat back into her carrier but she’s not really having it when someone taps him on the shoulder. “I should have named you Jar Jar Binks instead of Leia because you are being annoying as fuck,” he hisses at the cat before he turns around to find a pretty attractive dude laughing behind him.

“Beautiful cat. Um. I think you’re my soulmate,” he says and tony snorts.

“Nope, don’t do that shit. Find whoever was behind me,” he says, turning back around and picking up the cat. She places her paws on either side of the carrier and Tony sighs as she does her best to resist going into the fucking carrier. “God damnit Leia, would you just cooperate for ten damn seconds, you don’t ever hate the carrier one you’re in it!” he tells her. He gets an annoyed meow in response.

“Um. There isn’t anyone else but you in this direction,” the guy behind him says and Tony looks up. Huh, that’s weird- turns out he’s right.

Tony shrugs, “doesn’t matter, I don’t to romance so that’s a fluke on your part. Get your eyes checked,” Tony tells him as he finally manages to wrangle the cat into her carrier. “Finally!” he says excitedly, shutting the door before the cat dashes out and he spends another half an hour jamming the animal back in there. This is why he avoids taking her to the vet.

Behind him the guy sputters. “I.. but... you... you must have seen in color when you saw me too,” he says and Tony shakes his head.

“Nope. Cat’s my soulmate. Fitting because like I said, I don’t do romance. Cat’s cute and fuzzy, romance is messy and jammed into fucking everything for no reason at all,” he says, shaking his head. He had desperately turned to the horror genre, a genre he hates on account of what asshole likes to be scared, only to discover that even killing the shit out of people has romantic subplots. He assumed stupidly that maybe the genre, being what it is, wouldn’t have couples and shit but holy hell even a bunch of people dying for some reason needs a romance in it. Tony is genuinely floored by the obsession though he supposes in this soulmate obsessed country he’s the weird one. But damn, just one time he’d like to watch something without that garbage in it.

Even advertisements have soulmates in them. When he’s buying soap the last thing he cares about is soulmates so why are they mentioned again?

“Oh. Well that’s certainly unusual. I... don’t think that changes you being my soulmate though,” the guy says and Tony turns back around.

“I’m going to be blunt with you here. I don’t do relationships, I don’t give a fuck about soulmates, I don’t understand the world’s fascination with them, and I don’t view it as some sort of reason to give shit about you. Not to be a dick but you seeing color means nothing to me and why would it? Its literally a chemical bath on your brain, how’s that supposed to mean anything to me?” he asks, shaking his head. Its not a good reason to start a relationship.

The guy gestures to the cat. “We both like cats. And Star Wars,” he says and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Ninety percent of the world likes Star Wars and cats might have a lower population who love them but that’s still at least thirty percent of the world. Do better,” Tony tells him.

HIs companion smiles a little and Tony’s surprised he hasn’t been slapped. A couple people around them damn well look like they want to slap him and honestly they can fuck off. Its not his fault he’s right. “In my country there’s a word for people like you, the ones who seem to have no interest in soulmates,” he says and well okay, color Tony curious he didn’t expect this guy to actually do better.

“Uh huh. What country is that?” he asks. Accent isn’t familiar to him even if its certainly African. Probably closer to the south of the continent, but that’s about as good as his guess gets.

The guy smiles, “Wakanda,” he says and Tony lets out a loud snort.

“You mean the isolationist nation that hasn’t been involved in world politics since what, pre-colonial times? Buddy,” Tony tells him, shaking his head. Shit, he could have come up with a more believable country than that.

*

Rhodey watches as Tony proceeds with the most hilariously awkward encounter he’s ever seen him in. Sam sits across from him also watching for his own amusement. “The prince of Wakanda. Gotta admit I didn’t see that coming.”

“Honestly it was the cat I didn’t see coming. I think a prince of a nation we haven’t heard from in hundreds of years is honestly a lot less weird than his cat.” Tony had been ecstatic and honestly Rhodey genuinely thinks it didn’t occur to Tony that the implication of his soulmate being a cat was that he would have sex with it. Obviously that never happened but still, Tony was the only one who didn’t immediately think that.

Sam rolls his eyes at him. “Only because you have some weird assumptions about soulmates,” he tells him and Rhodey sighs.

“Yeah, you have a fancy degree or whatever but I have eyes. I know how soulmates work.”

“We don’t actually, and who can be soulmates with what degree of acceptance is entirely based on the time period we’re talking about. Like Jim Crow era America was not cool with interracial soulmates, but especially if one was black and the other was white. And gay people, and platonic connections, and familial connections- the further we get out of the accepted norms of romance the less accepted those connections are. Animal and human, for example, tends to be frowned upon because we assume soulmates look like only one narrow definition of romantic acceptability,” Sam tells him like he’s never said all this before.

“Then why are all the soulmates in America romantic?” Rhodey asks.

“They aren’t dingbat, the ones that don’t have that connection aren’t like Tony and flaunting it about. You think interracial soulmates were out there yelling about their soulmate being a black person? Probably not when they’d both get killed for being defective. Tony being famous and well loved probably saved his ass from worse speculations than cat fucking. Which is an absurd conclusion to come to, by the way.”

Uh huh. Sam can go on the way he does all he wants but Rhodey wants real proof, not two and a half people in a couple studies who claim that they don’t have a romantic connection to their soulmate. Though it is pretty clear Tony loves his cat in a not romantic way. But then Tony never really has done the romance thing.

Case and point, the poor bastard looks pinched across the table with T’Challa and he keeps shooting Rhodey ‘help me’ looks. “Should we go save him?” Rhodey asks Sam and he shakes his head.

“No. He stole that last dumpling last night and his pasty ass can suffer there,” Sam says, glaring at Tony. Rhodey snorts and starts laughing because Sam has always been a petty bastard but that has to take the cake.

*

T’Challa looks confused and Tony’s never met anyone who doesn’t assume all soulmates are romantic ones. “But Tony’s soulmate is a cat. Do you... do you think he has... relations with the cat? You don’t, right?” he asks, giving Tony a panicked look that disappears fast presumably because he looks so disgusted.

“No, T’Challa what the fuck?” He relaxes some, giving one of his guards in orange a relieved look. For a second her harsh exterior fades as she cracks just a bit of a smile before she goes back to looking like she’s ready to kill a man. Or woman. Or whatever, she doesn’t look like she’d be picky about it.

“No I don’t think Tony fucks the cat,” Rhodey tells him. “But he’s weird.”

“He’s not weird, this happens all the time in Wakanda. What do you do when soulmates are so far apart in age they can’t possibly hold a romantic interest in each other?” he asks, frowning.

“Assume the older one is a pedophile and throw them in jail,” Sam says. “Don’t look at me like that I shit you not that is an actual American law and will land you on the sex offender registry.”

That’s the most absurd shit Tony has ever heard and clearly everyone in the room, even romantic soulmate fan number one Rhodey, agrees with that.

“Americans are stupid,” T’Challa mumbles. “No offense,” he offers to Tony only.

He shrugs. “Yeah I mean. True. People printed stories about me and the cat for like four years consistently. Like sure, climate change is going to fuck us all but lets talk about that one guy who loves his cat and our speculations about it based on nothing but our assumptions of what soulmates need to be even though its obvious that’s not what’s happening here. It really is exhausting.”

“What about family members that are soulmates?” T’Challa asks. “Or soulmates who don’t share a sexuality that would inspire a romantic connection? Or people like you who don’t have an interest in romance at all but still have a soulmate?” He nods at Tony specifically. In Wakanda they have a word for it not that Tony can pronounce it. Apparently the loose translation is ‘without romance.’

“Oh list is longer than that depending on where we are. Pretty much anything that wasn’t a white heterosexual Christian couple was thrown right out of all research on the basis of being ‘perverted’ so uh. Yeah, here its romance or bust. We’ve gotten a little more lax with interracial pairings and gay people but they still get a bunch of shit. And people like Tony are basically unheard of.”

Tony frowns, “that’s not true, my Twitter feed is constantly lit up with people thanking me for saying that I have no interest in romance and soulmates because they feel the same way. We aren’t rare, people choose not to see us even when I’m literally yelling in their face.” Like with Rhodey, who really only seems to accept that Tony is different, not that his perceptions in totality are wrong. Even when Sam, his beloved soulmate, points out the flaws on Rhodey’s views he still doesn’t see it.

“In Wakanda we are aware that soulmate connections are as unique and varying as the people in the relationships. I assumed that romance thing was just the British,” he says, shaking his head. Because most of his travels outside Wakanda, Tony has learned, were to Europe though he stuck mostly around Britain in particular. He’s obviously been to quite a few African nations but he doesn’t seem to have stuck around long enough to get a lasting feel of their soulmate culture. Tony’s pretty sure if he had he wouldn't have concluded that only the British act that way with soulmates.

Sam shakes his head, “nah. I mean it’s a European idea and the wide spread assumptions about romance and soulmates being interchangeable did come out of European colonization but by now more of the world believes romance and soulmates are the same than not.”

Tony has no idea why Sam thinks that’s a useful area of study or why he chose that after the army but here he is. And apparently he loves his soulmate counseling job. Tony’s pretty sure he’d shoot himself if he were Sam.

“Why is it that ninety percent of the world’s useless ideas manage to come from Europeans shoving their culture down everyone’s throats?” T’Challa asks, irritated.

“In Europe’s slight defense if someone else off and colonized they’d probably do the same thing,” Tony says.

“But they didn’t, now did they? Regardless, American assumptions about soulmates are absurd. Imagine ignoring such obvious evidence the way you do! Throwing people in jail because their soulmate connection is not what you deem acceptable only because your definition is narrow and restrictive- absurd!” he says, shaking his head.

*

Shuri snorts and starts laughing. “Oh come on big brother, if you’re going to tell tall tales about Americans at least make them believable. No one would assume a man would have sex with his cat because the cat is his soulmate that’s ridiculous!” she says. Fuck Tony was born in the wrong damn country. Shuri looks between him and T’Challa and frowns. “He’s not lying, is he?” she asks him and Tony shakes his head. She lets out a long sigh and looks as lost and confused as T’Challa had when Tony first explained this all to him.

“So now we should expose him to proper soulmate culture because his culture has victimized him, teaching him there is something wrong with him because he didn’t have an interest in soulmates,” T’Challa says, shaking his head.

Truthfully he still doesn’t but he actually likes T’Challa and if nothing else no one else is allowed into Wakanda and the country is stunning. Might as well take advantage while he gets to know T’Challa better.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #233

lalala song lyrics i’m about to go home so copy/pasting time.

What subject do you seem to struggle with the most? Various forms of mathematics. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Noooo. I don't have that dedication. What’s the worst feeling in the world? Specifically? Giving someone everything you have physically and emotionally with full force and finding out you weren't enough. Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? Sara, probably. What is your favorite genre of movie? Horror, probably. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? Being told I don't have strep throat. Do you have a favorite metal band or do you not like metal? Metal is my favorite genre. I claim a lot as "favorites," but the reigning king will always be Ozzy Osbourne. What’s your favorite kind of science? Genetics. What’s your homeroom? We don't have those in college. If you had to move, where would you move to? Well, my only choice would be to move in with my dad, his wife, and her son. I'm not financially independent. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad. I think. Have you ever read anything written by Shakespeare? I'm not going to include things assigned in schools because everyone had to read like, Beowulf or something similar at some point. I once started to read the full Macbeth (we read a condensed version in school) during a hospital stay, but I didn't finish it. Who’s the cutest person you know? Have you fuckin SEEN Sara when she's excited because- How about the funniest? Girt's funny as fuck. What is your current desktop picture? An adorable meerkat pup looking at the camera al;sdjfal;kjwerads If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I don't know if I'd even want that, but let's just say I was. Maybe... I was gonna say a lioness, because they're high on the food chain, beautiful, and social animals, but yeah I'd prefer to not be poached. Perhaps a house cat. What talent would you like to have? I wish I could draw hyperrealistically. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? I don't make those. What are three songs that mean the most to you? "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, "The Only Exception" by Paramore, and probably "It's Alright" by Mother Mother. What do you think of your parents? I love them. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? I wish with a snap of my fingers I could just make all litter disappear or something like that. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? ... Wow. I actually thought about it, and the first thing my mind drifted to was "go to Jason's just to see he's okay," and I don't like that. We pass his house every day to go to school and come back, and I think it's only natural that I get curious, particularly when his car is there, but I don't want to care. How much cash do you have on you right now? Just a few dollars from Mom to get something from the snack or drink machine from school if I need to. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? Move on. Let go of people. Forgive. How do you measure intelligence? I dunno, how do you? Define the *type* of intelligence. What cartoons do you watch? None actively. Have you ever used drugs? Not illicit ones. Are you into tattoos? *blinks* Do you like photography? I fucking read this as "pornography" first aslkjweoaider. But yeah, I love love love photography. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? The only celebrity I think I've ever seen is Alice Cooper, and it was at a concert. What person in history do you admire most? I don't know enough about any historical figure to really answer this with passion. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? I don't know considering I'm not that daring. Probably a kiss momentarily going too far or something. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Whale sharks lmao. But pregnancy is the biggie. Well, maybe most are to a mild degree at least, idk. Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Yeah. Who do you look up to for your style? I don't look up to a certain person. If you were to invent something, what would it be? I don't know off the top of my head and I don't feel like sitting here- OH NO WAIT! Remember that one year deviantART's April Fools prank was that it produced some sort of technology where you could visualize a drawing, and by scanning your finger or some weird shit while you envisioned it, it could produce it on the screen? Yeah, something like that. I'd pay big bucks for something that could put my ideas on paper. Who would you like to get to know better? One of my RP partners that I've known since childhood. She's just extremely private online. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Pork fried rice is my jam. In your opinion, what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? Greed, probably. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Getting over Jason. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Meat. Not for lack of motivation, but health needs. What was the last rumor that you heard? I don't know. What country star would you most like to meet and why? I'm not interested in meeting any. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah. What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Overdose. What is the meaning of life? I don't pretend to know anymore. I think everyone gives their life its own meaning based on values, goals, beliefs, etc. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? That's hard, man. Depends on the kind, I guess. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? White Chicks never fails to get me. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? My dad about to molest me. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Merry-go-rounds lmao. Who are your musical influences? This seems like a question for an aspiring musician, which I'm not. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I don't know if anyone's ever tried one on me. How many drinks can you handle? I wouldn't really know as I've never reached the point of being drunk, but seemingly quite a few. Weak ones, anyway. If it has a high alcohol concentration, I'm not drinking that shit. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? Idk, most of the afternoon or evening. I think one occasion with an old best friend went past five hours. Do you know where you want to go to college? I'm happy at my current college. They care a lot about their students. Are you satisfied with the picture on your ID card? Permit, fuck no. School ID, it's alright. What fruit did you last eat? An apple. Aside from yourself, who was the last person to see you naked? My mom. How many classes are you taking? Four, currently. Jumping up to six next semester... though not really by choice. My adviser wants me to have like a safety net by having two classes I CAN drop if I need to, but she's realistic in pointing out that the school path I visualize doable for me will be a VERY slow one and ultimately cost so, so much more money, so she wants to nudge me along as best she can while keeping my limitations in mind. I'm definitely going to try the best I can to do this in four years, but yeah... unlikely. But that's okay to me, so long I get there in not TOO long of a time. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? I don't think so... but I do recall when my older sister was tiny she flushed a little toy truck down the toilet. We had to get a plumber to save it lmao. I think my mom has kept the truck. Are you someone’s best friend? One of hers. Do you have any goldfishes? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? I absolutely hate my sister's dog that for whatever fucking reason lives with Mom and me. Why we keep a dog that does nothing but annoy us and piss us off is a subject of more than frequent arguing. When was the last time you saw hail? I don't know, a long time ago. What color eyes do you prefer: Green or Brown? Green. Have you ever given a nickname to your pet(s)? Oh yeah. Of my living ones, I call Venus "Miss Venus" and "pretty girl" a whole lot, while Teddy has a whole lot, but mostly "booga," "bub(by)," "boogie," and "Teddy-boo." I just call Roman "butt" a lot, lmao. I don't really have a common one for Mitsu, but I sometimes use "baby girl," I think. Ever been on a boat before? Like, fishing boats. Which is better: Skiing or Snowboarding? I wouldn't know, never tried either. Can you change the oil on a car? I have no clue how. Ever ran out of gas? Not while I myself was driving. I don't even know if I've ever been in the car while that's happened. Favorite kind of sandwich? Most of the time just an 'ole pb&j. Best thing to eat for breakfast? mmmmmmm cinnamon rolls are the GOOD SHIT. Are you horny? Nah. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope. Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Lincoln logs or GET OUT. Are you stubborn? Yeah, most of the time. Are you afraid of heights? YEAH. Ever used a gun? Nooooo and I don't want to. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Idk if the guy who did my school ID card was an actual photographer? I dunno? Ever eat a pierogi? I hate those goddamn pockets of disgust. Favorite type of fruit pie? I dun like pie. I used to be okay with apple, though. Do you believe in ghosts? 110%. Ever have a deja-vu feeling? Yes because our world is just a simulation and it's a glitch- (I'm only semi-kidding btw idk I kinda believe it) Why do you think others get deja-vu? Because our world is just a simulation and it's a glitch- Take a vitamin daily? No. I need to, though. Wear a bath robe? No, I get dressed right after the shower. What do you wear to bed? Pajama pants and a tank top. First concert? Alice Cooper. Outside. During a thunderstorm. Shit was badass. Peanuts or sunflower seeds? Both are ew. I can handle a little bit of peanut better, though. Ever take dance lessons? I grew up taking a lot through middle school and some of high school. I tooook... clogging (I was embarrassingly good at that omg), jazz, modern (my fave), lyrical very briefly 'cuz I am NOT graceful, and hip hop. I always hated the music, but the dancing itself is fun. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No. They can do whatever they aspire to. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Own any record albums? Not anymore, Mom sold them. I wish I had them now, ahhhh. I love 'em. Own a record player? No. Who would you like to see in concert? I am seeing Ozzy next year or I will fucking riot, Metallica, and Rammstein. Many others would be cool, but those are the biggies. I'd love to see Manson and Otep, but their shows are... yeah. They do gross and/or really disrespectful shit. Hot tea or cold tea? THERE ARE SO MANY TEA OR COFFEE QUESTIONS IN SURVEYS but they tend to be different so I just keep them in alsdjf;awe. The usual: I hate tea. Can you swim well? I guess I swim fine? DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ. I want a variety of music. Ever won a contest? A few, don't feel like trying to remember 'em. Ever have plastic surgery? No. Which are better black or green olives? Olives are fucking gross. Best room for a fireplace? Living room. Who was your high school crush? My first was either Sebastian or Kyle. Or Girt. Then Juan, though that crush was questionable if it was serious or not. He really flattered me a lot, but I've told the story before plenty. Idk if the emotion was romantically reciprocated, though honestly I think it was mostly because of his reputation? I only knew him as extremely sweet. BUT ANYWAY, after that, do I even need to say "Jason?" When he came along, whether or not I really liked Juan was totally forgotten. What do you believe happens to us after death? Hell if I know. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. Does the thought of growing old frighten you? More like the thought of my body deteriorating does. Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? um the fuck. I've done it out of heartbreak and pain, but never for my entertainment. What is your favorite song of all time? Of all time, probably "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Has anyone you’ve known died on a holiday? Possibly, idk. If you could write a book, what would it be about? Sometimes I wish I could make a series out of the meerkat RP I engage in, but I don't have the motivation or dedication for that. And I wouldn't be comfortable revising our "tribute" characters for the sake of legality and just respect in general. What are some lyrics that speak to your soul? "For such a little thing, you sure are in your own way" from a Mother Mother song. I'm not exactly small for a human ha ha, but in the scope of the universe perspective, we're all less than microscopic. Have you ever been in love with more than one person at the same time? Not in love, not. Attracted to, yeah. What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to you? I remember, though it's a tad blurry, the occasion I was having a serious "grieving session" for Jason at Colleen's house, and her sister was there alone with me. She was talking me through it and grabbed my shoulders at one point, looked me dead in the eye, and told me so firmly yet gently how beautiful a person I was and that I deserved the world and more. I won't forget that, like ever. Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? No. What is the thing you are most ashamed of? I've talked about this enough. Well, that or just being a general "this is all your goddamn fault and I am the only victim here" cunt to Jason following the breakup. Actually, yeah, I'm probably more ashamed of that. What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? Hm. Embarrassment? Heartbreak? Love? Idk. Do you think of yourself as a unique person? Yeah, honestly. I mean not incredibly, but unique, yeah. What is a movie from childhood that you loved? I've talked about TLK and Finding Nemo and that kinda stuff a lot, so here's a STUPIDLY underrated one: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron. That movie is fuckin beautiful wtf. Are you afraid of death? Aren't we all at least to a small degree? What are your top three biggest fears, actually? Losing my mom, being raped, and all those I love just abandoning me. Do you have an accent of any kind? You can detect a Southern one sometimes. What do you want to be remembered for? Sending a message of love, especially to animals. Are you currently sad about anything? I am literally permanently sad about my weight, though it's not like, an *active* sadness at this very moment? Have you ever changed your spiritual beliefs? Three times now. Catholic to Christian to theist. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? MARGARITAS gotDAMN Do you ever talk to yourself? Sure. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? Oh yeah. What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? "Thanks for sending me to the ER again." Fucking bitch. Do you have a favorite book? If so, how many times have you read it? Johnny Got His Gun and The Outsiders. Only read both once. I almost never read a book more than that. Have you ever wished you were from another country? Half the time, especially as an adult, I wish I lived in Canada. What are you thinking about currently? My throat is absolutely killing me and I'm ready to leave school. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable to speak about? I'm more uncomfortable talking about sex than I used to think. Do you have anything you are extremely particular about? When I'm in the passenger seat controlling the music? Oh my god, Mom, DON'T turn the volume down manually. I can do that on my iPod myself, but can only turn it back UP but so loud as it gets lower by the car itself. She knows I turn it down when we're talking, she is, or we slow down, but she does it anyway sometimes and I get unreasonably annoyed by it. Have you ever seen the ocean? Only the Atlantic. What is your most fond memory of your current S.O, if applicable? THE FIRST KISS Y'ALL it was fuckin CHEESY but I LOVE IT Do you find yourself confused often? Oh hell yeah. What was the best time of your life? It's so funny to me how I can answer "2017," the very same year I OD'd. That's rapid growth, my friend. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Do you miss any of your exes? I only miss the memories of him. Are you religious? I mean I believe in some ultimate creator, but I don't really like calling myself "religious" anymore. I don't worship it, I don't pray to it. I'm thankful to exist, but that's. It, I guess. ANY entity I would respect wouldn't demand me to kiss its feet. Do you think you are attractive? HELL NO. How many people have you slept with? Do you mean like, as in having sex? One. Slightly fooled around with, two, including the previously-mentioned guy. Do you consider yourself a catch? Besides my looks, I do think I'm a good girlfriend. What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? Honey mustard, actual mustard... that kinda stuff. What do you think you could do to improve your life? Get a goddamn job, I'm just really not capable right now. What song is playing right now? "Hag" by Otep. What is your LJ name? I don't have a LiveJournal. I don't even want to EXIST on the same site with a particular fat-headed, bigoted fuck of a bitch. Holy shit I've nearly made an account multiple times JUST to talk that cunt back to Earth. What was the most recent movie you watched? UHHHHHHHH I don't remember actually. How many times have you got stitches? UHHHH twice or thrice? What are your pets’ species and names? I'm excluding the dog I hate because he's not even "mine." Teddy is a beagle/cocker spaniel/probably something else mix. Roman is a cat mix; he seems to have Siamese or something similar in 'im. Mitsu is a fancy rat. Venus is a champagne ball python. What is your most recent musical crush? Mark is a fucking singer, DON'T EVEN @ ME ABOUT IT. Which is better; immense heat or extreme coldness? God, the latter. I literally can't handle like anything above 70 for even like 10 minutes. It's not just that I find heat uncomfortable, but I sweat to a disgusting degree and get extremely weak, dizzy, and sometimes nauseous. Do you have a disease? Just mental ones. I have at least one physical disorder, but not a disease. Do you like gore? BITCH yes. Especially in art. It's the smell irl I can't really handle, as well as seeing like, human gore, but also exclusively in the real world. It feels too personal and close to home, y'know? Do you stutter? YEP. Name a cool person you have lost touch with? Megan, particularly. Who was the friendliest person you have met on the internet? MAN, I don't know if I could pick!! Maybe uhhhh... Megan again? She was nice to like... everyone. Or Connie for the same reason, and she's also chill as hell. I really don't know, I've met a load of great people. Name a song that is overplayed. I don't listen to the radio, so. What websites do you visit frequently? Kalahari Manor, deviantART, YouTube, Facebook, the Silent Hill wiki to make sure it's not exploding from mental cases again to not make it to fucking video game and horror sites/blogs again, and especially lately, Tumblr. There's more, but those are the regularly frequent ones. Does counting sheep help you fall asleep? Never tried. What is the biggest mystery? Where the universe came from and why.

[binkywinky]

hi! Comics rec anon here! to answer your question, I'm not entirely new to comics, have read a few but not enough to say I have a specific type. The first series I read was all the jessica jones comics which I really liked, also the miles morales series which i enjoyed and the spidergwen series which was cute but the art was kinda annoying lol. i also like a couple of dc ones like mister miracle. so i think i prefer a general rec from you since the comics world is so big. thanks in advance!

Got it. Hmm… let’s see. It’s probably easiest to break it down by publisher then. I’ll try to give a mix of ongoing, finished, and “classic” stories. 

Fair warning, I read a lot of comics (probably about 60 per month, and that’s not including manga), so even though this may feel like a long list, it’s short for me.

Marvel

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man - Relatively new series, and it’s been fantastic so far. Great art, and a bit more grounded than the Amazing Spider-Man run (which is also great). Stellar art, too.

Miles Morales: Spider-Man - A little YA-ish at times, but overall enjoyable. You get to see a lot more of Miles’ personality in this one, which is always fun.

Superior Spider-Man - Because nothing is more fun than seeing a semi-reformed Otto Octavius try to be a hero.

Captain Marvel - Kelly Thompson does a phenomenal job with this series. She has a great hold of Carol’s voice. Would highly recommend Kelly Sue Deconnick and Margaret Stohl’s previous runs to give context (Captain Marvel 2012-2017, Mighty Captain Marvel, and The Life of Captain Marvel).

Jessica Jones - Not sure if you’ve read Kelly Thompson’s recent run or just Bendis’, but hers is definitely worth a read.

Avengers (2019) - actually a solid run. I would check this out if you’re more into crossover, large-scale storytelling. They’re in the middle of War of the Realms, though… so maybe wait until like August or September?

Immortal Hulk, Daredevil, and X-23 - also good. I read them off and on (not really my fave characters to read on their own, I enjoy them in ensembles), but the stories are solid.

Rogue & Gambit - mini series that I absolutely love by Kelly Thompson (she does great character work) that came out last year. Mr. & Mrs. X is a follow-up to it and also tons of fun (nearing its end as well). 

Runaways - I fell off of this when Brian K. Vaughn left, but I can say up through his run ended is well worth the read.

As far as classic stories, Infinity Gauntlet, The Dark Phoenix Saga, X-Men: Age of Apocalypse, Secret Invasion, and Secret Wars would be my first recommendations.

I would’ve recommended Spider-Gwen: Ghost Spider, but maybe wait on that. It’s about to end soon and transition to just Ghost Spider (where she leaves Earth-65 and comes to Earth-616 where Peter and Miles are). Same for X-Men. I’m currently reading Uncanny, but X-Men is about to be overhauled soon. So probably hold on that front.

DC/Vertigo

Honestly, not the biggest DC fan (I lean more towards Vertigo actually), but there are a few that I enjoy.

Action Comics (starting at #1000) - I am not a Superman fan, but I enjoy this series, which says a lot. I enjoy what Bendis is doing with him in this run.

Naomi - a new series, also by Bendis, following the story of a young Black girl who is investigating the circumstances around her adoption. Don’t want to give too much away, but probably my fave DC run at the moment. And Jamal Campbell’s art is fucking gorgeous.

Dial H for Hero - it’s fun. It’s weird. Not for everyone, but maybe give it a shot.

The Flash and Batman, New 52 runs - New 52 gets shit from fans a lot, but I thought these runs were awesome. Very good story-telling.

Dark Nights: Metal event - Probably one of the best things DC did in a long time. It’s a massive event that pretty much reworked the DC universe and all the characters. Enjoyed it immensely.

Heroes in Crisis - this miniseries ended very recently. It’s a story focused on a major event that happens at Sanctuary, a rehab for superheroes suffering from mental health issues (e.g. PTSD after doing something that nearly killed them). Not your usual superhero story, which I liked.

American Carnage - very gritty story focused on a white-passing Black man who infiltrates a white supremacist organization. It’s really fucking good.

High Level - I picked this book up randomly because the cover looked cool. I’ve been reading it ever since. I would say it’s weird sci-fi/fantasy/cyberpunk adventure. A little strong on the language, but very interesting story and great artwork.

Birds of Prey - awesome series with the DC women. A little shaky sometimes, but Gail Simone does really good character work. Her run is probably the only one I’d bother reading.

Deathbed - miniseries by Vertigo that ended maybe a year ago. It’s so bizarre and hilarious and out there. I loved it.

Batwoman (J.H. Williams run) and Batwoman: Rebirth - Kate Kane, my favorite lesbian superhero. Williams did a great job in his run (and the art is to die for). Don’t read the back half, they change writers and it’s a goddamn mess. But then Marguerite Bennett (a queer woman) picked it up in Rebirth, and it got awesome again. Also, shout-out to Greg Rucka for officially making her queerness canon in 52.

Wonder Woman - Wonder Woman’s my fave of DC main characters (along with Martian Manhunter and Wally West I & II), and my favorite run for her is Greg Rucka’s. He does a surprisingly good job of writing women. The run is over at the moment, but I’d check it out. Good stuff there.

For classic stories, Kingdom Come, Watchmen, Flashpoint (precursor to New 52), and Neil Gaiman’s Sandman are some of my faves.

Image

Image is probably what I read the most. Definitely has the most diverse pool of comics to choose from.

Saga - My favorite comic series of all-time. I’ve gotten so many people to read this and they love it. It’s weird - really weird, actually - but the storytelling is phenomenal. And it’s on hiatus right now, so plenty of time to get caught up.

Ice Cream Man - This series is so fucking weird, but I love it. It’s sorta like… Tales from the Crypt? Different stories (mostly horror) that all feature this demon ice cream man.

The Weatherman - This series is such a goddamn delight. I don’t want to ruin the plot but just… yeah. Read the first issue and it just goes crazy from there.

Man-Eaters - Sort of a niche story. Basically, this takes place in a society where when women get their cycle, they turn into giant cats and maul men, so they’ve given them pills to keep them from menstruating. Sounds weird? Wait until you read it. Probably a highlight series of the year for me. 

Black Science - You might not like the art in this one, but maybe give it a shot? These scientists are trying to solve the problem of limited resources on Earth by hopping across dimensions for new ones (infinite dimensions, infinite resources). Only problem is, their machine got damaged so now they hop uncontrollably to whatever dimension it chooses for however long it decides. It’s a wild ride.

Middlewest - An interesting take on parent/child relationships and how the consequences of abuse, anger, and depression can manifest in dangerous ways. Sounds more bleak than it is - the story actually has quite a bit of humor.

Excellence - Very new series, but with a PoC lead, about PoCs, with mostly PoC creators. A story about a secret society of Black magicians and a son whose next in line to take on the mantle, and it’s pretty fucking cool. Issue 2 comes out this week - check it out!

The Walking Dead - I don’t think I have to explain this one, do I? Zombies.

Lazarus and Lazarus: Risen - Sci-fi story set in a dystopian society where the world is ruled by like 15 or so families, and they each have a Lazarus to fight for them. This is told from the perspective of the Carlyle family’s Lazarus, Forever. 

Die - If Dungeons & Dragons and Jumanji had a baby, it would be this book. Sounds weird, but once you read it, you’ll find the description to be accurate.

Anything from Brian K. Vaughn - I have yet to read something from Brian K. Vaughn that I don’t like. Saga, Paper Girls, Y: The Last Man, Runaways, Barrier… his shit’s always good.

Independents / Not Marvel, DC, or Image

Some of these are nostalgia-based, so fair warning.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BOOM Studios) - very new series that’s out. Great art. If you were a fan of the show, I think you’ll like it. It’s a re-imagining of sorts. There’s also an Angel series that just started.

Nancy Drew (Dynamite) - Listen… I could not stand Nancy Drew as a kid. Never got into it and thought it was boring as hell. But I really loved this miniseries (another Kelly Thompson run). It’s maybe 5 issues?

Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers and Go Go Power Rangers (BOOM Studios) - Honest to God, if you had told me 3 years ago one of my fave comics would be a Power Rangers one, I would have laughed in your face. Both of these series are really good and provide the continuity, nuance, and characterization the show lacked. Fan of the show or not, I’d say it’s worth checking out if you enjoy the teenage superhero genre. Also, just some really amazing art and world-building.

Anything from Jinxworld - This is Bendis’ own publishing company. He’s put out Cover, Pearl, Scarlet, and United States vs. Murder, Inc. All of them are really good.

Umbrella Academy (Dark Horse) - This is the series the Netflix show is based off of. Right now, they’re doing Hotel Oblivion in the comics, but start with Apocalypse Suite and Dallas.

So, there you go anon. There are FAR more I would recommend, but I tried to give a good range of books for you to choose from without (hopefully) overwhelming you. And if you have any questions, I’m more than happy to talk about any of them.

[theory-talestelltalesss]

Seducers Ch. 4 [M]

Y/N is a siren who preys on sailors using her sweet songs. The catch is a curse is put amongst her species that if a man escapes her songs, she will die. Sailors usually lust for a woman’s touch arising from the long travels on sea, so it wasn’t hard for her. However, a smart young sailor named Kim Taehyung and his crew escapes an attack targeted on their ship. She follows them to no end, resisting her doomed fate, but finds herself in a complicated situation once she reaches the ship.

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Characters: Sirens, rest of BTS

Genre: fantasy, fluff, smut, angst

Warnings: alcohol use, violence, blood talk, lots of dirty smut lolol (when I wrote this I didn’t mean for this to sound so girls vs. boys but it turned out that way, so I’m sorry if you get offended by this. It’s just the nature of the story and the historical myth that its based off of. I have no bad intentions whatsoever).

Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | - (Fic In Progress)

Chapter 4 (Not edited! Y/N’s unexpected visitor, fluff, Jungkook goes fucking crazy, fluff, We on a quest boysss, Y/N’s powers).

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Siren.” An impatient voice low and raspy calls for you.

Your heart races like a horse as you look at Taehyung topless on your bed with drips of blood down his back. It also catches your attention that the end of your bed are spotted with dribbles of his blood.

“W-Wait a minute! I’m uhhh...combing my hair!” Taehyung mouths a genuine ‘what the fuck?’ in your direction and you gesture for him to hide quickly.

“Combing your hair?”

“Y-yeah! It’s a...a private activity we sirens do!” you lie.

“....the fuck?” the voice mumbles to himself.

Taehyung grabs his shirt while mouthing a dozen ‘fuck’s’ in succession as he quietly crawls under your bed and scoops his boots with him. You try to comb out your long hair to the best of your ability and cover the spots of blood with your blanket before calling him in. The door opens slightly and you see Yoongi’s eyes peek through.

“Yoongi??” you exclaim in undeniable shock. He would be the last person you would think would visit you, other than Taehyung. Taehyung being your prey and Yoongi being your most hostile aggressor.

Yet here you all are. 

All in your room. 

Even though one is not aware of the other’s presence.

“Are you shackled, siren?” he says as he looks at you behind the door.

“Yes,” you lift them up slightly for him to see. “Why are you here?”

He glares at you for a few seconds, and then cautiously reviews the area. You break into sweat hoping that his eyes wouldn’t land on something under the bed. You discreetly try to drape over more of the blanket down the bed to hide Taehyung, who’s probably still mouthing a dozen ‘fuck’s’ to himself like a prayer he never wanted to chant again since monastery school. 

Thankfully, Yoongi finally comes in and sits on a chair by the door, never leaving his eyes from you. His movements are slow and prudent, not an ounce of trust in them for you.

“I didn’t get to have a conversation with you about today,” Yoongi says as he puts his ankle on his other knee. He looks at you with a stoic expression but his eyes still throw a million daggers your way.

“What is there to talk about?”

“Why did you save Jimin? You could’ve just left him to die. You would have one less man to worry about and we were jerks to you. So...why’d you do it?” his eyes intense and demanding.

“I-I don’t know,” you muttered quietly, because you honestly didn’t. As soon as he asked that question, you could see his point. You could’ve taken advantage of the situation and asked for something in return. But the moment you saw Jin’s eyes in horror and his friends’ faces in distress, it seemed like the most natural thing for you to do. You didn’t think about questioning it nor did you have the time. Your body acted by itself as if it was some sort of set algorithm. You don’t know, and that’s really the truth.

“You don’t know? Did you make a deal with them or something?” he asks, clearly doubting your altruistic good deed. The only bargain you signed up for was between you and Taehyung and he doesn’t know even know it exists. Jungkook letting you roam around the ship without shackles on was just a consolation price. You saved him because...you just did.

“No-I just...I just did it.” 

Silence falls upon the room and you and Yoongi look at each other without a word. You should’ve predicted this since you sensed from the beginning that he’s an angry quiet character. You notice once again that his menacing eyes have the capability to channel the most dangerous threat even though his other delicate features say otherwise. He’s like a poisonous flower-- pretty on the outside, dangerous in the inside. Just like you.

“This doesn’t change anything between us, siren. I still think you’re evil,” he stands up and tosses you a small jar that you instantly react to catch. You hold it up but can’t seem to make out what is in it just by the single candlelight in your room.

“What is it?” 

“Jimin’s blood.” 

His pocket in his hands as he answers you with a deadpan expression. “My clothes drenched in his blood when I was holding him. Since I was gonna throw it out anyway, thought I’d just throw it your way.”

You feel your heart tingle. Is Yoongi, the most aggressive sailor you’ve met since day one, showing you an act of kindness? You’re speechless and you try to prevent your lips from forming a pout by how much it moved you. He must have squeezed out the blood from his clothes after the incident. He may have even squeezed out the blood from Jimin’s clothes as well. However, it seems like he doesn’t want this to be considered as a token of gratitude, but just something he did because the blood was going to waste anyways. Regardless, it still moved you.

“T-Thanks...Yoongi,” you say quietly.

“Don’t,” he hisses. “I don’t know if it’s still good or whatever but if it’s not, just drain it down the toilet.” He opens the door to leave but he pauses in his tracks to leave one more statement behind.

“Oh and by the way, your hair is still awfully messy for someone who supposedly combed it out.” He shuts the door behind him and you panic at his last statement.

Is that his way of saying he heard Taehyung and I? 

“Do you think he heard us?!” you exclaim as you hear Taehyung crawl out from under the bed.

“No...no, he wouldn’t have come in,” Taehyung says as he kneels down on the floorboards still topless. However, you notice that your piercings on his back have stopped bleeding. “But...what the fuck was that?” he asks as he looks at you, and then the jar. Apparently, he’s as surprised as you at Yoongi’s actions.

“I have no idea. I was hoping you had an answer,” throwing back the question at him since he knows Yoongi more than you.

A smile slowly grows on Taehyung’s face and he laughs audibly as he climbs on your bed facing you. “Been friends with him for so long and yet I’m still surprised he does shit like this.” You look at him confused by his words.

“He does this?”

“Yeah! He would make you think he hates you or he just plain doesn’t care, but deep inside, he cares like the rest of us, sometimes even more. That’s why people always misunderstand him.”

Interesting. So not a poisonous flower. More like a snail, hard and cold on the outside, but squishy and soft in the inside. 

“Yeah...I felt that.”

“You felt he’s misunderstood?”

“Yeah, since the first day I saw him. I’m not trained to feel his type but I still had the feeling,” referring to the time at the party when your friend Layla, who was meant to attract him, was all over him. You knew he was a misunderstood character, but certainly not in this kind of way. Being kind itself.

“Is it still good?” Taehyung asks nodding at the jar.

“No...but it’s still a nice gesture nonetheless. We sirens only drink fresh blood.”

“I see. Well, don’t worry.” He takes the jar in your hands and put it by your bedside table. He then blows the candlelight and lays by your side with his head on his hand. “You have me anyways,” he smiles coyly at you.

You feel your heart tingle more than when Yoongi tossed you the jar, but as hard as you thought, you can’t find a word for that feeling. For some reason, you feel that those words meant more than him referring to himself as your personal blood bank.

“Isn’t it kinda sick that I’m hunting for you to feed you just to feed on you?” you laugh at the weird thought.

“Ha! I didn’t know sirens had a sense of humor too,” he giggles.

He then covers both of you with the blanket and pulls you down to lay next to him. Next thing you know, his beautiful face is right in front of you with eyes closed and with a light smile. He looks so serene with the moonlight behind him but his bizarre human behavior distracts you from letting things be.

“Are you sleeping here?” you ask. You’ve never had anyone sleep with you before, whether on a rock or a bed. The concept alone is foreign to sirens, always having a designated rock or area to sleep on, therefore, you can’t help but question it.

“What? I’m not some sl- Ohhh,” he chuckles loudly as he caresses your cheek and looks into your eyes. “You see, Y/N, decent human beings sleep on the same bed when they do something intimate.”

“Is that human--No...No. No! Even so! You should sleep in your own room! People will catch us together!” you push his bare shoulders away from you but you feel his hand encircle your wrist softly. His cheery expression slowly falls down to a very somber one. 

“Y/N...your spell is wearing off...” 

You then realize that his moment in heaven is over and his moment in hell will begin, although, it won’t be as severe as last time since you sang a weak song. However, he still will feel a lingering moment of sadness, and you see exactly that in his eyes. You start to feel his heart getting broken to a million pieces and it also dumps heavily on your chest. 

“I just...really need to be with someone tonight...I feel...really lonely right now Y/N,” he whispers sadly to you.

He stares at you silently with glassy melancholy eyes, pleading for you to let him stay. His expression moves you to slowly withdraw your hand away from his shoulder and let him wrap his arms around you, keeping you close to his body. You feel him intertwine his legs with yours and you can’t help but think how warm it is to lay in a human’s arms, touching his skin with yours.

Since you typically sleep on hard surfaces, the bed is not comfortable to you whatsoever. However, now that Taehyung has you in his arms, his toned musculature and hard chest silences you into relaxation. You find that sleeping on a bed is not so bad after all.

In the midst of you taking in the comfort of your newly found sleeping ritual, a question pops in your head about human sleeping habits. 

“Taehyung? Do humans always sleep together?” 

“No...just with the ones they like...” he whispers as he slowly falls asleep.

You think it was a weird behavior of humans because even though you like your friends, you never slept with them. But you leave it at that since the coziness of your position also pulled you down into sweet unconsciousness.

“FuuuuuuuuUUUUCCKKKK,” you hear a voice run to your door and the sound spills over when it swung open. In a daze, you raise your head to see who it is and you see Jungkook with his mouth open.

“Oh shi-” you turn your head but you see yourself alone on the bed.

Where is he?

“Did I shackle you?” Jungkook sighs as he leans against the doorframe, relieved that you’re where you’re supposed to be.

“No, you were drunk,” you answer as you look at him with your heart pounding against your chest. You feel your face become hot by the fact that this scene would’ve ended up differently if Taehyung didn’t wake up early.

“Ugh you stupid fucking careless competitive ass motherfucker,” he mutters to himself as he hits his forehead with his palm continuously. Honestly, you think Taehyung and you are more careless than he is.

“There he is!” Taehyung exclaims as you see him walk towards Jungkook from behind. “I could’ve fucking died last night you drunk,” Taehyung chuckles as he pats his shoulder.

“Hyung I jus-”

“Ah save it. Good thing Y/N here is not as rabid as we thought,” he says as he looks at you on the bed. He then slips in a quick wink in your direction and for some reason, your face gets hotter than it already is.

Since when did he get up?

You suddenly notice that Taehyung looks different even though he looks the same. There’s a glow that’s radiating off of him and you weirdly find yourself observe what he’s wearing. He usually wears a low-cut long sleeve shirt, a sword belt with the sword itself, a pair of pants, and black boots. You could care less about human attire since you rip them off your prey anyways, and you yourself usually don’t wear any clothes. However, that morning, he looks fresh and...sexier?

He then tosses Jungkook the keys and the boy gets startled to catch it.

“Come on then, have breakfast. Namjoon’s got orders. We got a long day ahead of us.” He walks away as he messes up his hair and Jungkook comes over to you to unshackle your wrists while punishing himself with his words. Both of you climb down the bed and you head for the door.

“Jungkook, don’t worry about it. Taehyung-” you pause mortified as you turn to look back at him. He’s frozen in place with his eyes wide on the jar of blood by your bedside table.

“Is that...blood?” 

Out of nowhere, Jungkook draws a sword to your throat. He alternates his eyes between you and the jar of blood as his breathing heaves. He then examines the room and he slowly lifts your blanket, indicating to you that he spotted something. There, he uncovers the small dribbles of blood at the end of the bed from Taehyung’s back. He tightens his grip on the sword as he flares his nostrils at you.

“WHOSE FUCKING BLOOD IS THAT?!” he yells at the top of his lungs as you put your hands in the air. 

“Jungkook, it’s no-not what you th-think,” you gulp down and raise your chin as you try to speak calmly. You take steps backward until you hit the wall behind your back.

“TELL ME.” Jungkook’s eyes are critically murderous and if eyes could kill, you would be on the ground dead before he could even take a stab. You’re frightened at how the laughing boy from last night transformed into a deadly man before your eyes. He’s like a bull ready to charge when they see red and that red is you.

“It’s Jimin’s but it’s-,” 

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?! DID YOU HURT HIM?!” 

Jungkook then grabs the jar in his hand, “YOU’RE NOT FUCKING DRINKING THIS.” He smashes the jar on the floor with great force. Infinite bits of broken glass fly out and land themselves on the splashed out blood on the floor. Strokes of deep red mark the furniture left and right, as well as your feet and ankles.

You hear another voice and sets of steps run towards your room.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Jungkook calm down. What’s going on?” Jin comes in with his hands in a defending position towards Jungkook. Hoseok stands by the doorway with his mouth covered by his hand as he observes the morbid floor.

“She hurt Jimin hyung!” he yells as he jabs the sword an inch at you with each word that he puffed out. Your whole body starts to shake with the gesture and you’re not sure if your legs can hold you up any longer. Jungkook is dangerously above his threshold and no words would be able to reason with him.

“No, I di-di- I didn’t. Yoongi ga-gave it to me,” you manage to puff out as you hold your breath and your voice quivers as you speak.

“What?”

“He ga-ave me Ji-jimin’s blood,”

“Why the fuck would he do that?!”

“I-I I do-on’t know Jungkook, but-”

“YOU DON’T KNOW?! YOU FUCKING LIAR!”

All of a sudden, you hear a clink of metal against metal and you feel a whipping force in front of you. Before you know it, Taehyung is in front of you with his sword directed at Jungkook’s throat, while his is directed at Taehyung’s throat.

“Jungkook. Calm. Down,” he says dragging out his words.

“SHE HURT JIMIN HYUNG!”

���No she didn’t. I was with her last night.”

“I fucking can’t remember anything from last night! If Jimin’s hurt, it’s my fault! I won’t believe anything until I see Jimin hyung unscathed!”

Taehyung looks at Jin and Hoseok at the doorframe. He nods his head up without saying a word and the two boys run quickly to find Jimin. You feel Taehyung’s hand push you to the side as both of you slowly take steps in a circle and Jungkook follows you both with his sword.

“Sing when I tell you to,” Taehyung whispers to you without breaking his eye contact with Jungkook. Your eyes widen in surprise by his controversial request but you feel like you have to have faith in Taehyung at this moment.

“Jungkook, I understand you’re scared it would be your fault if Jimin hyung got hurt. But I’m the one who shackled her last night.”

“Why are you protecting her, hyung? She wants to kill you too!”

“No-No I don’t!” you defend behind Taehyung’s shoulder as you try to slowly keep your steps in coordination with his.

“She’s right. If she did, she would’ve done it last night when you were drunk and no one was around.”

“Then why the fuck would Yoongi give her Jimin’s blood huh? It fucking doesn’t MAKE SENSE!”

“I really don’t know Jungkook! Yo-Yoongi probably did it as a thank you to me because I saved Jimin. Please Jungkook believe me!” 

A lump in your throat gets stuck as you feel tears trying to push out from your eyes by the heightened and strained atmosphere of the room. You can’t believe that the two best friends who were laughing and drinking together last night, now have their swords at each other’s throats. You’re scared by the intense look in their eyes and that in one second, it may not only be Jimin’s blood that will be scattered all over your room.

“That doesn’t sound like Yoongi hyung at all.”

“I know Jungkook. But you know Yoongi, he has his...kind moments.”

“Why the fuck would he be kind to her?! HE HATES HER THE MOST!”

With that statement, you couldn’t hold your tears any longer by the harshness of Jungkook’s words. Streams of tears trail your face as you look over to him by Taehyung’s shoulder. However, per Taehyung’s request, you try to concentrate on finding the fastest spell in your head that would work on him. You remember that songs of victory and determination would work on Jungkook but time is of the essence. To make it worse, your hair is dry so you’re not able to pluck it to make music. There’s only one way you think that would stop him.

“Jungkook! Even if everyone hates her, you see that she’s kind! She’s not a monster!”

“How do you know it’s not a fucking deception, hyung?! HUH?! She might’ve tricked me into letting my guard down so she can hunt the rest of you!”

“Your fucking fear is fucking getting the best of you! She hunts your fucking food, not your fucking friends, and she saved Jimin for God’s sake! She could’ve fucking sucked his blood in that tub but she didn’t Jungkook! She didn’t!”

Hoseok’s rapid footsteps echo the room and you all turn to him with the slightest movement. He shakes his head, gesturing that they can’t find Jimin. “There must be some explanation why he’s not here. God damn it you two! Lower your swords!”

“What about Yoongi hyung?!” Jungkook yells.

“No...we didn’t find him either,” he says cautiously.

Jungkook’s eyes glint at you and he launches himself at a flash as he shouts in wrath. Taehyung quickly swipes his sword out of the way, just an inch from his face, and Jungkook twirls before coming in contact with Taehyung’s sword again. You run to a corner of the room, pushing yourself against the wall to avoid getting hurt. Your heart rattles when you see Jungkook’s eyes move in your direction to attack you but Taehyung clinks his sword with Jungkook’s again to distract him. The boys push their swords against each other with all their strength as they brutally glare each other down. At a stalemate, Taehyung shouts out.

“Now Y/N!”

You look at Jungkook and you try to send an apology with your eyes as best as you could. You then cover your ears and you shriek at the top of your lungs, vibrating the room with a reverberating sound for a few seconds until you observe his eyes roll back behind his head and his knees become weak, making him collapse on the floor.

“Holy shit,” Hoseok runs to Jungkook patting his cheeks. “Jungkook? Jungkook?”

Tears start to fall down your face and you feel your legs tremble until they’re not able to support you any longer. As you droop down the wall, an inevitable feeling of guilt and regret engulfs you. Your head starts to throb furiously at the action you just did to Jungkook and it feels like you just set your relationship with the rest of the crew aback a thousand waves. You fear that they won’t ever trust you now.

“What did you do?” Hoseok turns to you with a serious expression.

“He just fainted,” you manage to say in between gasps as you weep.

Taehyung put his sword back in his holder and crouches down at Jungkook.

“I’m sorry Kook,” he brushes his hair aside and caresses his forehead.

You then hear more hasty footsteps reach your door and you see Jin and Namjoon by the doorway, mouth wide open at the resulting scene that lay before their eyes.

“What the fuck happened here?!” Namjoon panics as he observes Jungkook collapsed by his sword, Hoseok and Taehyung hovering over him, blood and millions of broken glass all over the floor, and a crying siren at the corner.

“Jungkook went crazy because he thought Y/N hurt Jimin. He was just scared it would’ve been his fault if he got hurt. He wouldn’t believe anything until he sees Jimin hyung,” Taehyung says as he caresses Jungkook’s face.

“Taehyung, you fucking know I sent out Jimin and Yoongi to check out the island we’re about to go down to! They’re fucking seeing where we can dock the ship safely!”

“I know hyung,” Taehyung says. “That’s why I told Y/N to sing...or whatever that was...or else I don’t know what would’ve happened. He just fainted.”

“Oh my god...” Namjoon brushes his hair back and holds his head frustrated. “Hoseok, Jin hyung, can you put Jungkook in his bed please? This is NOT how I want to start our expedition today.”

A deep sense of conflict overwhelms you. Two opposite images of humans compete for your judgement as you sob with your head in between your knees. You just witnessed the violence and destructive behavior that humans are capable of and it frightened you to your core. Perhaps Crystal and the Seducers were right. It horrifies you out of your wits when you imagine that this kind of scene is what fatally ended your friends. 

“Hey...are you ok?” Suddenly, you hear Taehyung’s soft whisper so close in front of you. “I’m sorry. Don’t think bad of Jungkook ok? He was just scared.”

You feel a hand rub your back as you hear Jin’s and Hoseok’s movements lift Jungkook out of your room.

“She didn’t do anything, hyung. Yoongi gave her the blood. Ask him when he comes back.” Taehyung retorts to Namjoon even though he hasn’t accused you of anything.

“All right, all right. I believe you.” Namjoon says.

“Pretty, can you show me your face?” You feel a hand on your head and you lift your face up drenched in tears. He takes a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe your face but you swat his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

Taehyung looks taken aback by your action accompanied with your stern and grim expression. Humans are disgusting.

He then shifts his eyes from your face to your feet. He sees that your feet are covered in blood and pieces of the glass rubble pierce through the bottom.

“Y/N...”

“I can heal myself.”

“Put your arm around my neck,” he says, ignoring your statement. Taehyung doesn’t know what possessed you to answer him like that but he won’t have it. When you did nothing, he takes your arm and put it over his shoulders as he swoops his other arm under your knees. He lifts you up as he says, “Even if you can heal, I don’t want you to take another step.”

As Taehyung carries you out of the room, you pass by Namjoon as he averts his eyes between you and Taehyung. His expression seems skeptical and suspicious of his behavior.

Taehyung sits you on top of the kitchen table as he scrummages for tools to take out the glass shards from your feet. Drips of blood still hung unto them, both Jimin’s blood and yours. He sets the materials by you and sits on the seat in front of you.

“Y/N...don’t let it get to you. Jungkook was just scared. He’s really not like that,” he says as he lays your heels on a towel on his lap.

“It’s going to hurt,” he warns before he plucks out the biggest glass shard and you gasp at the pain. “Sorry.”

He then starts plucking the rest of the shards as carefully as he can and your body tenses up from the pain as you hold your leg. 

“So what was that shriek? It didn’t sound human,” he asks, concentrating on a rubble.

He waits for a reply but you say nothing until he notices.

“Y/N, are you mad?” he stops what he’s doing and looks at you as you continue to do nothing.

“Y/N, are you scared of me?” he asks as he tries to caress your cheek but you turn to your left to deny his touch. You see his expression fall disappointed with a sad smile before he goes back to doing what he’s doing.

“That’s ok. I understand...humans do foolish things when they’re scared. What Jungkook did was out of care for Jimin hyung.” He plucks out another shard and you start bleeding profusely as you tear up at the pain. 

“Sometimes human love just manifest in weird ways.” 

He takes the bottle of rum, bites the cork from the opening, and pour it over your feet. Your leg twitches from the pain before Taehyung presses some of your wounds with the towel to stop bleeding. 

Taehyung continues to take out the glass rubble from your feet one by one in silence. If you didn’t want to talk then he won’t make you. He understands that you’re probably still in shock by Jungkook’s sudden change of behavior. However, as the silence grows, you start to feel guilty ignoring Taehyung as he’s doing something nice for you. You start to consider that he might not be like the other humans. Even though you’re still on edge, you find it in you to speak to him.

“That wasn’t my human voice,” you said stoically.

“I’m sorry?” he says and looks at you.

“The shriek. It wasn’t my human voice.”

“Interesting...so sirens have a siren voice?” he smiles as he clearly thinks he won you over now that you’re talking.

“Yeah. We use it underwater to talk to each other.”

“That’s cool...and very convenient. How come it only made Jungkook faint and not Hoseok and I?”

“Because it’s more concentrated. Water muffles sound and siren voices concentrate them so it doesn’t dissipate everywhere in water. It sounds awful when it’s not used underwater...and I concentrated the sound to Jungkook’s ears only.”

“Whatever voice you use, I still like it,” he says as he wraps your feet in cloth.

“Hey Taehyung! I need you to go down and help dock the ship,” Namjoon suddenly interrupts.

“Yeah I’m done, hyung!” he calls out as he finishes wrapping your feet “We’re here Y/N,” he says before leaving you to run to the deck.

"I thought we weren’t going to reach your destination until 11 more days?” You ask Namjoon who’s beside you as both of you look at the horizon of the forest of the island before you. You see the other boys below at the shore, tugging on ropes and hammering stumps of wood to tie it around them. The island seems deserted, contrary to the image of a town in your mind that Jungkook and Taehyung talked about when they were drinking.

“Yep, this is part of the plan. We’re gonna spend just a couple of days here before we reach home. We’re on a quest,” 

“A quest?”

“Y/N...did anybody ever tell you why we’re on a ship in the first place?”

With Namjoon’s question, you realize your ignorance. All you really cared about was how to stay alive in a ship with seven humans but never really asked where the ship came from or where it’s going.

“No...” you say meekly.

He chuckles before he answers, “You see Y/N, our hometown is getting sick...”

“Getting sick?”

“There’s something going on...a type of disease or something. We don’t know how to cure it, and that’s why we’re here. This ship and its crew were appointed by your highness to find the rare flower that may treat the people with the disease.”

Your-Your highness?

He then takes out a small book from his pocket scribbled with gorgeous writing that surrounds a drawing of the flower.

“Orphiya,” he says as he points at the big flower with a beautiful bright purple color and delicate yellow freckles at its center. 

“It’s pretty,” you said.

“Namjoon it’s docked!” you hear Jimin yell from below.

“Great job guys!” Namjoon yells back. “Let’s go, Y/N.”

You stand at a part of the shore that washes your feet with the ocean water, but not enough to make your tail reappear. All the boys look at you as you take off the bloody cloth that Taehyung wrapped around your feet. 

Jungkook, after awakening from his passed out state, is now also in front of you. However, he avoids your gaze every time he feels your eyes on him.

“It should only take a second,” you tell them as they await for you before going into the woods. You close your eyes and you try to channel your energy towards your feet to heal them. However, as hard as you tried, you still feel the stinging pain and you don’t understand why. You open your eyes and observe the palms of your feet. 

“T-They’re not closing up,” you whisper to yourself in shock.

“Is there something wrong?” Hoseok asks.

“M-My wounds! They’re not closing up!” You look at your feet with wide eyes. “How can this be?!”

“I thought you could heal yourself?” Jin asks with a tone of concern.

“Yeah! I can! I’ve done it a million times! I don’t know why it’s not working now!” You panic as you try to find an explanation why you’re not able to heal yourself anymore. 

Shit. Shit. What is happening?

You suddenly feel your head become dizzy and your knees buckle under your weight. Before you know it, Taehyung catches you before you plummet into the water and you see his blurry face in panic. 

“Y/N! Y/N!” Taehyung yells.

“I’m too far from the holy place, Taehyung.”

“Holy place?! Your home?!”

“The fountain...” you breathe out as you slip into unconsciousness.

I just want to say thank you all for supporting this fic! I tried to finish it as fast as I can for you guys <3 Hope this keeps you on edge lol

[crafiet]

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

[dailydoseinterviews]

INTERVIEW WITH TC LOVER ISABEL BEAUDOIN

1. When did you first find yourself loving true crime? Was there a specific book, tv show, documentary or other form of entertainment that opened your eyes?

I’ve loved true crime & horror ever since I was a little girl, however I wasn’t really aware of it. I just liked what I liked. This mostly was in the form of books (I was an avid reader) and TV shows. I was a quiet kid and read a lot, was always reading a Nancy Drew mystery or one of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. Retrospectively those were pretty fucked up. I also was obsessed with Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz (if you don’t know what those are, google them & look at the illustrations. They’re so fucked up). I don’t know I just liked to be scared and knew I was fascinated by everything dark from a very young age. I didn’t think much of it but now it makes a lot of sense seeing how I turned out haha. I also loved that one show Courage the Cowardly Dog I remember that was really dark. Also my mother is also obsessed with true crime. Growing up at my cabin she would ALWAYS have some 60 Minutes special on or something and I would sneakily watch them from upstairs (we had this half wall/banister thing that looked down on the living room). I remember them scaring the shit out of me but I couldn’t stop watching. This then translated into watching every horror movie I could get my hands on in my teen years etc. and here we are today!

2. Why do you think you are fascinated with true crime as a genre?

I honestly don’t know. I’m fascinated by a lot of really fucked dark things in addition to true crime/that align with true crime (like abnormal psychology) so it kinda just fits into my life. It’s become part of my identity and brand, if you will. It inspires my personality, creativity (@postmortem.rigormortis), fashion sense, humor, could go on and on. I wouldn’t be me without fucked up shit. t’ve never really questioned it it’s just how I am. I feel like I definitely nurtured my interest in it as a child. I also think, initially when I was younger, I was so captivated by all things true crime out of fear. Idk I always thought that I would be kidnapped or some shit. I think the more exposure I had to true crime shows and whatever, the more information I had to protect myself with. Unlike a lot of kids, I feel like I grew up more aware that the world is really fucked up because I watched a lot of that shit while my friends were watching That’s So Raven. In some weird way I was protecting myself. I still am. I have this constant fear that I’m going to be involved in a mass shooting. It scares the living shit out of me but I watch and read about it whenever I can. Like why put yourself through that if you don’t have to? But I can’t help it???  I also think it has something to do with like nature/nurture. Not everyone likes scary shit. I just do. Honestly you’re one of the few girls I’ve met so far who seem to be just as interested in it as I am.

3. Do you have a specifically favorite true crime story?

Oh god. I really like Too Young to Kill 15 Shocking Crimes (the episodes are available on youtube). These rattle me to this day. I remember seeing it air on TV in middle or high school and I still think about some of these cases. All the killers are under 17, some as young as like 13.

4. What is your favorite non-fictional crime book?

The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule.

5. What is your favorite non-fictional crime podcast?

I’m just now getting into the podcast thing. I’ve been listening to My Favorite Murder and enjoying it but those girls talk to much about other shit and it’s starting to really annoy me I need new recommendations.

6. What is your favorite non-fictional crime series?

I fall asleep every night to Forensic Files. In comparison to some of the newer series, it’s kind of outdated and dry, but I love it with every fiber in my being. It’s OG, no bullshit. And its older crimes and some of them are really heinous. I love forensic science, studied it a bit in school. Kind of soothes me/forensics makes me feel safe. Like I can rest assured that if I get murdered the evidence will speak for me in court. And there’s always evidence.

7.What is your favorite non-fictional crime documentary?

Hmmmmmmmm this one is really hard. I can’t say I have an absolute favorite because there’s so many good ones but I really liked The Keepers. Evil Genius is pretty memorable too.

8. Do you think true crime is lately a pop-culture obsession?

Yes and no. In my life it’s kind of always been. Have had access to it my whole life. Now there is definitely more content for me to download and internalize. I think it’s not more popular now, but rather people are more open about their interest in it than before. Being obsessed with serial killers used to be unsavory but now it’s like part of one’s identity? Idk.

9. Are serial killers being romanticized?

Yes, 100%. I’m definitely guilty of it. Dahmer was pretty hot, I know he was gay but still. Watching the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix I was like sad when they executed him. Was like low-key rooting for him every time he escaped and shit. I don’t think they will ever stop being romanticized either. Modern killers not so much. Like for example I would never ever ever give the attention I do to Ted Bundy to someone who committed a mass shooting. Even thinking about someone who has makes me sick.

10. Do you think people enjoy crime as a psychological relief they are not the victim?

This thought has never crossed my mind. I know for sure that I don’t gain any sort of relief watching it because I’m not the victim, I think that’s kinda fucked up. I watch because I’m fascinated by the circumstances which catalyze such crimes. For me its more informational than anything. I want to know what it takes for a fellow human being to kill. It definitely feeds my hunger for fucked up shit. But I’m never feeling relieved that someone else got murdered. If anything it makes me more aware of how close I could be to death every day.

11. What did you score on this quiz?

I got 70% right. not an expert by any means. just passionate!

12. Do you like talking to other true crime lovers?

Yes. I could nerd out about it for hours. I really like watching things with people who are just as interested as me, however its hard to find them??? especially people who like horror its even harder. For example I would never date someone who didn’t like it. haha

13. Anything else you want to say about True Crime?

They have used glitter as forensic evidence in certain cases. I love these cases lol.  

also, an additional thought, I feel like being more aware of death makes me appreciate life more. for this reason i have a tattoo of a skull in a casket on my arm haha. as a daily reminder! xx

[nebulawriter]

Annhilation

This is as close to a Changeling: The Lost movie as we’re ever going to get, isn’t is?

Overview: Smart movie, I probably want to watch it exactly once more to try and figure out some details, but it’s definitely more of a think-y movie than a sit-down-and-enjoy-stuff movie. But it IS imaginitive, visually stunning, thematically cohesive, and...a little horrifying. Like. More horrifying than I am traditionally comfortable with. 

Note: this review turned more film analysis-ish than even I intended, so I apologize to those on mobile.

Like, as much of a sci-fi nerd as I am, sci fi horror stuff is almost always too much for me. I just can’t handle the gore and jump scares. Because of this, I don’t have INCREDIBLE experience with this kinda genre stuff, so I don’t have a good measuring stick to judge this as well. 

In fact, I MIGHT have not seen this one all together if it weren’t for a) the all-lady cast, b) Tessa Thompson c) the weird shiny fantasy look to everything and d) I have moviepass now and it doesn’t cost me any extra to go to it. 

I think I should do brief summary in case you’re reading this without seeing it for some reason, but uh, SPOILERS. Lena is a former soldier turned biology professor whose husband stayed in the military and went MIA (arguably KIA) about a year ago. And she’s not over it. Then, *GASP* he comes home, but he’s super out of it and sick, and he and she are both immediately captured by weird agents. There, a psychologist named Ventress shows her the Shimmer, a place off the coast that’s changing weird stuff, and no matter what they send in, nothing comes out. Except Lena’s husband Kane. She meets a team of cool lady scientists who are going in, and signs up, hoping to find a cure for her husband. They go in, there’s weird mind-fuckery, there is constant debate over if this is really happening or if they’re going insane, Lena finds clues left by her husband, 2 people get eaten by a bear, one person....turns into a tree I think? And finally they reach the lighthouse, the center of the incidents. Dr, Ventress explodes?ish? and then theres a LOOOOOT of mindfuckery, and I think I get like....60% of it? but, in the end, the lighthouse gets burned down and the shimmering stops. Kinda. 

So! Annhilation. I’m going to go broad and whittle down for the review, going from themes into characters and plot. Annhilation is about one particular concept really that, like all good sci-fi, is over-exaggerated into the fantastical. Today’s concept is Self-Destruction. Specifically this gets focused onto cancer and suicide, and both of these themes are sot of....mutated together, not unlike the creatures in this film. I know it wasn’t but I really hope the shark-crocodile was in the pitch for this movie, like “It’s a think piece movie with a mutant shark crocodile. Money please.”

See, there’s a weird thing about Self-destruction, mirrored in this film, of, is it outside forces, or was it internal, something inside you? And that is the question this movie continues to pose, is the cause internal, or external? 

Now lets look at the characters. The team, minus Lena, was chosen because they all had issues in their lives, and so were not going to be too terrible to lose in the likely event they died going into the shimmer, just like all the previous teams were chosen (this is important)

We’ll go in death-order, starting with Cass, and....kinda Anya. Cass clearly lost a daughter to Leukimia. There’s a story in here that I don’t know if I just caught onto subtext, or missed the reveal, but I’m 70% sure her partner at the time was in fact Anya, (Anya’s canonically wlw, Cass mocks her for hitting on Lena, maybe a bit too passive aggressively, Anya was most distressed by Cass’s death) Now, Anya’s problem was drinking and drugs, likely taken up after their daughter’s death. Through that, Cass left her, and now they’re on this mission together, and likely going to die. So there we have, self destruction before now. Their daughter’s death: External, outside of their control. Anya’s drinking, though, is her choice, how she chose to handle it: Internal. Cass leaving Anya, leaving them both completely alone: Internal. Kind of. 

Cass’s fear she talked about with Lena, getting her to choose to come out first when Lena and Ventress sense trouble. Internal, her choice, almost, but a reasonable one. The bear eating her, obviously External. 

Then, Anya becomes a villain of the piece, blaming Lena for Cass’s death. Internal choice, she suspects Lena, going through her things. External, she finds out Lena HAS been lying about her connection to the soldier Kane, and could very well have gone insane and been the one to kill Cass. Internal choice: She ties up her teammates, trying to determine if they’re crazy, but now we have an interesting pickle, don’t we. Are they crazy, or is SHE crazy for tying them up. 

In my opinion, neither, while they’re all under enormous amounts of stress, and their bodies are LITERALLY changing, it doesn’t seem to be having a direct influence on their sanity. there is logic in Anya’s actions, and Lena’s and everyone’s. but it just...clashes in traumatic ways. 

Finally, Anya hears Cass’ voice. External. She goes to chase it. Internal. It’s actually a horrifying bear monster that eats her. External. 

Moving onto Josie. In a team full of scientists, she’s the nerd, which is sweet, but she’s also overly shy and doesn’t much speak up. Cass informs Lena, and us, that she has self-harm scars on her arms. This is pretty clear-cut (pun not intended I swear) self-destruction. But Cass also states, she wasn’t trying to kill herself. She was trying to live. 

We’re never given a reason for Josie’s self-harm, but...and here’s where it gets a bit personal....as someone who’s struggled with self-harm in the cutting sense, I get it. It’s not about wanting to die. It’s trying to find something to live for. 

Josie throughout the film doesn’t feel like she has that, which is why she’s chosen for the assignment. 

Her fate is the....least clear, though its heavily implied she turns into one of the plant people, a statue. In this sense, she gets to live. She chooses this fate, in some ways, choosing to become part of the shimmering world rather than die in it like Cass and Anya. I think. There’s also her decision to save Lena by killing the weird demon bear, an internal choice, which I’m guessing plays into that, but. thats a bit more detailed for me. 

Now, Dr. Ventress. Ventress is the psychologist who’s been sending people into the shimmer, choosing people who fit the profile of nothing to lose, choosing them, and sending each and every one of them to die. Internal choice, causing extreme guilt. Then, she gets cancer. Sort of an external force. Kinda. Cancer is a weird disease, really. It’s not something attacking you, going in, ripping out your guts and destroying you. No, it’s...it’s you. Its your body, just....making more of itself, doing it’s job to keep you living, but it works overtime, taking over the REST of your body, until it destroys itself. Its a scary condition Hollywood LOVES to use, because it is TERRIFYING and REAL to the general public. Almost everyone knows someone whose had some type of cancer. For me, my mother had Thyroid cancer, and to this day, I am at risk of that from having genes with her, not to mention having ovarian cysts that could turn into cancer if I don’t monitor it and control it. You wanna know how they confirm and monitor your ovarian cysts? Its Not. Pleasant. Everyone has seen the way Cancer destroys lives, and if I were to put money on it, I’d guess one or multiple of the creators of this movie has seen it too. 

Anyway, VENTRESS. She’s going to die no matter what, so she decides to lead this exposition and find the cause of all this craziness thats been killing the people she chooses. Internal choice. She pushes onward, no matter the deaths of her comrades until she reaches the lighthouse.

And then. Weird. Fucking. Shit. Happens. She...finds the source of all this...ish. An alien comet. Kind of. And she says it’s....inside her...the annhilation. AND THEN SHE FUCKING EXPLODES. AND IMPLODES. Sort of both? A light comes out of her and she like...is made into this fiery ball of changing cells and. I don’t. What the fuck. 

*ahem* whatever the fuck that was, I think a combination of implosion and explosion kinda ties back to internal vs external cause pretty decently. 

Now, Kane and Lena. At the beginning, we’re shown that they had a wonderful marriage, full of smiles and happiness. But....later through flashbacks we’re shown...not necessarily so great. Kane is gone a lot on assignment. This leads Lena to having an affair. Kane finds out and gets assigned to the shimmer assignment. So is it Lena’s fault Kane went? Kane’s fault for Lena’s affair? In the end, neither of them, of course, are fully capable of the other’s actions, but, there’s a contributing factor. Internal choices combined with External forces. 

We only see clips of Kane’s mission, film he left behind. In the first film, what I think happens because I couldn’t watch all of it, was him cutting open one of his teammates, right in the stomach. Once it’s open, we see....something....moving inside the man. Anya’s convinced it’s a trick of the light, and that Kane went insane. While it’s true that he never explains himself, like I said, beyond stress we don’t see much indication that these people are “crazy” or hallucinating or anything. The man being cut doesn’t scream, he knows what’s going to happen. Kane and the other living soldier are Concerned. More likely, they were getting footage of what was moving in him as data, data that later teams could hopefully find. 

Now as for what the thing WAS??? I’m not sure. Partially because I was COVERING MY EYES CAUSE A GUY WAS BEING CUT OPEN but partially because I think it could be one of 2 things: 1, a snake that had got inside him (external) or 2, his LITERAL ORGANS coming to life (internal)

Lena makes similar observations. She samples her own blood, seeing that it’s being mutated. She convinces Anya and Josie to keep pushing ahead, both for logical reasons, and somewhat tricking them, because she still hasn’t found what she wants: answers about what happened to her husband. And oh she gets them. Back to the trippy finale. 

See, she finds a tape of Kane blowing himself up. On this tape he shows far more signs of mental instability, but that makes sense as its then shown that the man behind the camera? Also Kane. A duplicate of him, specifically. The duplicate’s existence seems to cause Kane’s distress, causing him to doubt himself. External force. But he blows up the grenade. Internal choice. Here we come to the suicide aspect. Was it really too much to handle? He professed his love to Lena in the end, so did her affair influence his choice? It certainly caused the duplicate to come to her. 

Finally, Lena gets a duplicate made of herself, after Ventress explode/implodes. It mimics her...imperfectly. She attacks it, it attacks her. Not to mention she passes out several times in the fight, so we, the audience, lose track of her. whenever it 

And in the CLEAREST METAPHOR FOR SELF DESTRUCTION I’ve ever seen Lena (?) EXPLODES HER DUPLICATE. Like???? do I need to explain that one???

Okay now onto the murky ending. Kane is suddenly better! but he says...he doesn’t think he’s Kane, preeetty much confirming he’s the alien created duplicate. And Lena....Lena doesn’t say if she’s the duplicate or the real one. I don’t think she knows. And while the change in her eyes would indicate, no, she’s the duplicate....I’m less sure. Is she Lena, affected and changed by the alien? Or the alien, affected and changed by Lena? Does it matter?

Oh but we’re not done yet. Now, for the last character, who I’m dubbing “Annhilation.” It’s the alien, the cause, the sci-fi part of this film. The alien is....cancer, on the land, almost directly. The comet hits the lighthouse. External force. But....

As “Lena” Says at the end, it....it doesn’t destroy, not really. It changes. It changes what was already there. It mimics, imperfectly. The WORLD is self-destructing itself, the comet is just....the catylyst. like Cancer. It’s your own cells that are actually being destructive.

In the end, Loxam smiles after Lena finishes telling her story. “So, it was aliens.” as if that answers everything. 

And...yes? but it wasn’t....trying to kill. It...started something in the world and killed itself. “What did it want” Loxam asked. Self-Destruction is not that simple. Like, it changed things but...all the destruction, REAL destruction, was either self-inflicted (Kane) or inflicted from the beasts in the world (the bear and crocodile)

Self harm....in any of it’s forms.....is strange. It goes against out biological functions, but....it also goes with them. It doesn’t make logical sense, it never has. But there’s only one way to get through it, if at all possible. It’s how Kane, fake or not, got back. And How Lena got back. 

The others, all of them, had nothing to live for. They were WILLING to be possibly killed on this mission, thats why they were chosen. Lena, though, Lena had a goal. She wanted to get out, She wanted to save her husband. She had something to live for.

I do have a negative thing about this showing of self harm, or....i don’t know, maybe a thing I’m not clear on. All throughout, destruction is...made beautiful. sorta. Bodies are arranged in patterns, plants grow out the sides of crumbled buildings and...i don’t know....how I feel about that.....I just. I don’t know. 

ANYWAY in conclusion, very well done movie, if a bit confusing at times, Glad one of the poc didn’t die first, though was sad the lesbians also died. though. They kinda all died. so. at least we got the representation at all? 

So yeah. Sorry for the book report, but I hope it was mildly entertaining?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i've said how it's occurred to me that the idea of "don't compare other people's art to your own" (which you do most of the time anyways even tho you know the reasons you shouldn't) can apply also to like, comparing how people relate to their art and what they expect of it and want from it, vs what you do. and i also make that comparison anyhow even though there's no reason to, and so i'll see some convo on twitter or something & get all somewhat frustrated or riled up coz i'm like, that's not me. so anyhow

i talked too much about the sink and now i'm trying to remember what my thoughts were that i was meaning to put here. i guess i was thinking first that it was weird to see a conversation about people being able to make money off their art, which is like, it's great of course when people who want to do that, can. but it's strange i guess because for me i've never drawn with the idea that it was what i "wanted to do" as a sort of career thing. and to get the full picture, i never had or have had anything solid i felt i wanted to do as sort of a career. that's just not how it goes for me. but it's odd because i've been drawing for ages and i've gone to classes outside of school for a good while and i did some classes in college and stuff, but mostly got kind of re-into drawing a while ago and started drawing more just on my own, not for any classes or anything, and have largely been self-taught in that way. and i don't mind the busy-work aspect of it, or spending 8+ hours on something in one sitting, or any of that, so it would seem to make sense like, oh this is your passion and what you're good at and so this should be your job. but, well firstly i don't think that the world of what a person does to make money is inherently meant to be the same as whatever their passion is. but also i don't even consider drawing or art in itself to be a passion, maybe an interest, but not really. it's what i'm drawing, which is gay shit—if i don't have something i want to draw into existence, i don't draw the way you should to just practice or create or something. and i Get all that about myself, but i suppose when the subject of being an artist as your job comes up, i have to feel defensive even if nobody's talking to me

i mean, there are reasons i've never felt it was something i would or could get money out of. mainly it's that really, i don't make art unless it's to make exactly the picture i want to see, which as you might know tends to be very specific and personalized exactly to what i want to make. as though nobody else does, i know, but the thing is that if i'm not drawing exactly what i want, i'm not drawing at all. back before i realized this about myself, i'd once or twice told a friend i could draw something for them, and fully expected and intended to, but of course never did because i just couldn't make myself even start. i can't do the sitting there for ten hours without tiring of it or enjoying the busy work or monotony or anything like that. i can't even put a pencil to paper or get my brain to start planning it out. it's why i tell people who ask that i don't do requests or commissions, it's only once in the bluest moon that i manage to even do it for friends. i sort of half-assed a bday card once and then some of my family got the idea that i ought to draw cards for relatives or something, my grandma told like a small child that i'd draw something for her, i started to lose my temper about it really fast which was an especial effort in that scenario, as the fallout for standing up for yourself could be pretty severe. but it was just that, that i can't even force myself to do it more than a handful of times, and those few times are miserable.

so what i'm getting at is that i genuinely really can't draw hardly beyond my niche fanart for myself. the whole thing just shuts down really fast. and for whatever reason, i'm 0% a creative person when it comes to stuff like making up my own stories, i can't even do that if i try. so i can't really draw things other people ask me to, and i've never wanted to use my art to make my own x y or z. i didn't even hardly want to draw before i realized i could make gay fanart for my blog, and as you can tell my ambitions for my ability to draw have never changed.

i don't know, i've supposed i could do illustrative art, but when i imagine it i know i'm mostly thinking about it in terms of "what if i was asked to draw this thing that would seem already slightly interesting to draw" and of course that wouldn't always be the case. plus, i have no experience, and also i'm lousy with traditional media, and also digital media. i only give myself an office pen and a cheap barnes and noble sketchbook because thats all i need, and i don't have the talent to get the quality out of quality art supplies and stuff. like, sure, copics would be fun, but i'm crap at inking linework, so that's out. and bad at choosing colors. so nah. and anyhow i can't even think of any other "job" sort of application

another problem is the true horror of how i can't draw anything in like less than a couple of hours, and even my fancier drawings are fairly simple and still take me hours upon hours or multiple days or even weeks. and i'm really inconsistent with output, i have "bad" periods where i just can't even meet my own standards, and i can't even get anything out of a few hours of effort. plus, my drawing process is lousy and counterproductive. i get too caught up in details before i've done the simpler planning stuff. and my focus is terrible, too, and i have to sort of have a set "distraction" like music or a podcast or a show to at least hold my wandering attention sort of nearby. even being aware of this sort of stuff doesn't fix it; my head just isn't good for getting stuff done quickly. i'm sure i couldn't work fast enough for anyone on anything

plus, my sketching is lousy. i have to clean stuff up too much, in part because i just like details too much a lot of the time. but just moreso, some people's sketches look really good you know? it's not clean or fancy or whatever but you can just tell it has life and it holds their style, because they're good at their linework. it's hard to make good "messy" drawings and people that can are just really good in general. i'm not good enough to draw fast, and my slow drawings are ludicrously slow. r.i.p.

i'm just not that good, either. in addition to having no experience with most mediums or with doing "projects" or with doing anything job-related or part of a group work or anything useful to anyone or applicable at all, i know that in my sheer drawing ability, i could say i'm middling, or probably middling-bad. and within the stuff i do, i have a lot of weak points, elements i don't practice as much & can only say i'm barely adequate or still just bad at. i'm not about to be competitive about what i can provide. and i'm inconsistent as fuck still, its like i'm always changing my ideas about how i draw certain things, or going through those "bad" periods where i forget how to draw somehow. frustrating. and not useful for work

anyhow then i have to think about what the value of it is. because while i've never exactly had ambitions about my art or considered it any more important that the one purpose it has, which is to draw the content i myself want to see. but thats not useless or anything. it entertains me and gives me something i feel i can do, and then when i've made something, it fulfils that purpose in that i get to look at it and have it exist. and if i'm lucky, someone who happens to want to look at it too in the same way i do will get to find it. i like to know that i'm providing that too for a handful of people who happen to have that exact same rando niche taste as i do. and of course i really value anyone saying stuff they like about what i make. i do put a good amt of feeling or meaning into a decent number of things, and some feeling into basically everything, so in that way everything is important to me and its meaningful to get compliments about it or people saying they enjoy it or caught that feeling i'd put in or whatever. i don't need to feel that it's super impactful or lasting or significant. i mean, i don't even like to call my art "art," because it feels so disconnected to a lot of concepts tied to that concept.

it reminds me too that i've gotten a lot of value in my life from the less "ambitious" or life-changing work that other people have done. like, not that anything isn't life-changing, but not a huge project that's intending to be a masterpiece or super serious and deeply meaningful or all-encompassing or whatever. how much mileage i got out out of mh, a youtube video series made by college students who just felt like it and it wasn't anything formal and it wasn't anything not Internet Horror Genre but i looked forward to those videos every week, i liked to spend time analyzing them and making diagrams and trying to guess where things were going, i liked to talk and joke about it. the pals i made from other people who liked it were some of the first people to talk to me even nearly that much and were people i could talk to during really shitty times when i didn't feel like i had any support. mh gave me something to look forward to on a scale of not only day to day or week to week but also month to month to year to year. during some really shit years. i had fun and i had stuff to be happy about, and its still really important to me. and it was always just some amateur people's spare-time project where with $20 and a forest or abandoned building they made something for their youtube channel. not that i'm saying marble hornets isn't super high quality and recognized as such because it absolutely is. i'm just saying that on paper it doesn't exactly sound "lofty."

thats always the stuff thats been most important to me anyways, and sometimes i'll see people who make exactly the kind of projects as the things i've always been enjoying, and they'll talk about feeling like they're not complete without that "big" project that's really signicant or something and really meaningful to people. and i absolutely get that people's goals should be whatever they are and they can strive for whatever they want, but it tends to make me feel kinda bad. as if that stuff they're doing now, the family of stuff that's what has the most value for me, isn't the important or meaningful stuff or otherwise not good enough. i don't know. so i tend to be aware that i don't think stuff that looks fancy or polished or that has any form more permanent than a png file on one specific website is inherently without value. i don't mind if people only get a little enjoyment out of my stuff. it's not that life and death important to me either. like, i don't mind if i don't make anything that anyone remembers all their life; if it dies with me and gets totally buried just a little while later and largely nobody thinks about it ever again. it's just more of an in the moment thing, if someone gets a small moment of enjoyment and moves on, that's totally fine

and really the more behind the scenes mechanics that you need to make money off anything you do is another reason i don't see myself ever being any kind of artist as a job. i already said i really can't be competitive about it, i'm just not organized, i'm not willing to push about anything or advocate for myself or any of that stuff. maybe someone would read all this and say well it's just excuses and if they would just motivate themselves they could do all of it or something, and if you do think it's just my faults and shortcomings then? ok. i won't stop you from thinking that. whether that's true or not, what difference does it make to me or what i do or don't do.

and also i just think that stuff you do that doesn't make money or doesn't even have an apparent usefulness to anyone doesn't mean it doesn't have value or isn't a skill.

anyhow, that's some ways i think about drawing when i have to think of why i don't intend or believe myself capable of using my drawing to get that cash. it's not a blow to me on account of i'm not a person who had/has dreams/goals/ambitions etc. i just get defensive about everything b/c i'm too used to being attacked. it wasn't relevant to the stuff here but i did once have to try explaining why i, with literally like minimal photoshop experience and nothing else, couldn't reasonably apply to a graphic website design position for a decent-sized company with an intl customer base. couldn't get my mom to believe i couldn't argue to them that i could learn digital art and vector art and website design and coding and photoshop and other platforms all in the course of several weeks or even a month or two, if i tried hard enough. it just goes to show that for every topic, i have a ridiculous story about my parents for it.

anyways, that's why i don't strive at all for any career position related to art and yet why i feel i have to argue for why i don't. useless or unimportant stuff is alright too. whats it to the world if one person's passable drawing abilities don't reach the loftiest imaginable potential and rake in the dough for life? the answer is: nothing

[kurobizzlewrites]

Leaps of Faith

Chapter 2 - Worth Fighting For

Fandom: YouTube RPF/Markiplier (with hints of Five Nights at Freddy’s)

Pairing: Mark Fischbach x Reader

Story Summary: You’re a multi-universe jumping secret agent, specializing in video game universes and out to prove you’re more than just a legacy. He’s a famous YouTube star who’s assigned to be your new partner thanks to his expertise in the horror game genre. You don’t know what’s worse: putting your trust in this weird dork or falling in love with him.

Genres: In-game reality, AU, romance (specifically ‘rivals to friends to lovers’), comedy, action-adventure, & horror

1

Chapter Summary: You try to convince Mark that working with you would be the worst thing ever. As usual, nothing goes according to plan.

Warnings: Swearing, explicit language, reader acting like a dick, mention of maybe child death

Words: 2665

A/N: Let’s keep the ball rolling with another new and improved chapter. Again, if you wanna read the all the chapters I have so far (all are going under revision, especially you chapter 3), then click here. Otherwise, continue on my wayward folks. Special thanks to @angelwrote to being sweet and lovely and ugh you’re the best Ange

—

Not to toot your own horn but you had always considered yourself a badass. You’ve dealt with drug dealers, Nazis, zombies, Nazi Zombies, aliens, and even dragons thanks to your line of work so you had quite the resume to back your confidence up. That’s why it was such a blow to your pride when you went to such lengths to avoid one measly guy. It wasn’t out of fear; there was no way you could be scared of Mark Fischbach. No, you avoided him because he made you feel things. Gross things. Like guilt. And a bit of shame.

The first day after you had discovered your terrible luck of being his neighbor, you did all you could to show how horrible of a partner you would be. You gave him dirty looks, cold shoulders, and distanced yourself as much as possible whenever you came across him inside and outside your building (which was surprisingly a lot). But every time you walked by with your most intimidating stare, Mark would always reply with a cheery smile and a wave.

Where was the apprehension? The anger? You were acting like complete dick to him, weren’t you? Dammit, he was making you question the intimidation skills you took so long to perfect. Plus, he was making you feel super guilty for doing all this. You never felt guilty! How dare he!

When your first plan ended up in failure, you decided to go with a different idea: never make contact with him ever again. Maybe if you avoided him long enough, he would forget about alternate realities and secret organizations long enough for you to find a more suitable partner. However, taking this course of action resulted in you staying at your office much longer than most of your co-workers, busying yourself with a variety of work. When not jumping to different universes, you were usually tasked with paperwork. Most of it involved research into what games were trending now and charting them out on fancy graphs or figuring out what Beta Universes had to be maintained in order to stop any negative bleeds from coming in. You also took some time to look into your first big assignment since your relocation by playing through the game. And boy, did Chuck really nail it in the head.

This game was terrifying.

It wasn’t the monsters or the atmosphere of playing inside a haunted children’s restaurant that scared you (they were just creepy at best). What got to you the most was the waiting. The game kept you on the edge of your seat as you waited for the clock to hit 6 AM, the only things protecting you from murderous animatronics were a flashlight and a bunch of cameras. You also kept flinching at those stupid jumpscares, especially when it was that dumb puppet. It almost made playing at your cubicle rather embarrassing but it was a thousand times better playing with a bunch of people around you than at your apartment by yourself.

Tonight, you stayed even longer than expected since you were completely engrossed with defeating the final night. A crowd had gathered around your cubicle to watch you play with many of them shouting or screeching whenever they saw any sign of Freddy or his friends. Eventually, you completed the final night after your 21st try, earning you a round of applause from your co-workers. You coolly brushed off the pride but couldn’t help the blush dusting your face as you waved good-bye to the people that remained at the office. By the time you stepped out of the building, the full moon was already overhead. You caught the next bus home and successfully snuck up to your apartment without any incident, practically giddy with your success-filled evening. Your mood did a complete 180 the moment you opened your refrigerator door to find nothing inside.

When was the last time you went grocery shopping? You thought back to previous dinners from the last few nights and remembered that you’d been ordering take-out. A glance at your garbage confirmed this as your stomach began to growl. It was probably too late to have anything delivered from a decent restaurant so you begrudgingly settled on going to one of those 24-hour fast food places close by. Sighing sadly to yourself, you dragged your feet out your apartment and began to lock the door behind you when a delicious smell drifted under your nose. You quickly spun around to find the source of the smell only to make accidental eye contact with Mark.

Fuck.

“Uh, hey.” You ended up greeting awkwardly despite yourself.

“Hey there.” Mark casually greeted back as he pulled out his keys. “Going out?”

“Yeah, I need to find dinner…” Your eyes drifted to the plastic bag hanging from his hand and your mouth began to water without warning. Mark followed your gaze and soon let out a chuckle when he put two and two together.

“Want some? I always order a lot so I can have leftovers later but you’re welcome to have that share.” He offered. You looked back up at him in surprise. Was he serious? For a few moments, your eyes traveled back and forth between Mark and his plastic bag of goodies as you sorted out the pros and cons of this decision. If you took him up on his offer, you would end up talking to him, something you really didn’t want to do for a number of reasons. One of them was because you’d be playing right into Evangeline’s hands about socializing with people outside of work. You also didn’t want to remind him about the job offer or be bombarded by questions about the position or alternate realities. But on the other hand, you might be able to convince him that the consultant position was not worth his life (or yours). And dammit, you really wanted to eat whatever he bought. It smelled too good to pass up.

“Okay,” you finally answered, “I’ll join you for dinner. But only because I don’t want to wait forever for the bus.” Mark perked up and grinned a toothy grin.

“Great! Come on in!” He exclaimed as he unlocked his door and held it open for you. You headed inside, your stomach leading the way and found his apartment almost an exact replica of yours, save for his furniture choices and personal belongings. Mark closed the door and placed the bag on the coffee table in the middle of the room.

“Just take a seat on the couch. Want anything to drink?” He asked as he headed over to the kitchen.

“A water is fine.” You replied back, taking a seat along the edge of the couch. There was no way you could relax here, no matter how hungry you were. You had no idea what his deal was or why he would invite someone he barely knew into his home. No one was that trusting.

Minutes later, Mark came back with two cups in his hands and set them on the table before plopping down beside you. “Now let’s see…” He mumbled as he pulled the plastic towards him and dug inside. “Do you want teriyaki chicken or sweet and sour pork?”

“Whatever you don’t want, I guess?” You answered with a shrug. Giving him first pick was the least you could do. You watched as he looked at both containers before handing one over to you along with a pair of chopsticks. “You know how to use these, right?”

“Of course, it’s not like I’ve never had Chinese food before.” You responded with a light glare as you accepted the food and utensil.

“Hey, how should I know? I don’t know anything about you.”

“Why don’t we keep it that way?” You immediately regretted those words and quickly glanced up to see his reaction. Mark had turned his attention to opening his food but couldn’t hide the hurt look on his face. You bit the inside of your cheek, the familiar feeling of guilt rearing its ugly head.

“Sorry, I’m just not one for personal conversations, ya know? I really do appreciate this so… thanks.” You weren’t sure if you sounded as sincere as you felt but once you saw his lips turn up into a small smile, you let out a sigh of relief.

“It’s fine, I get it. You should hurry up before your food gets cold.”

“Oh, right.” It was a bit hard to eat with the tense, awkward silence surrounding the two of you but you somehow managed. About halfway through your container, Mark finally had the bright idea to drown the silence out with some mindless television as he grabbed the remote and turned on his flat screen.

“What do you wanna watch?” He asked as he flipped through channels. You were going to reply with a ‘whatever’ when you saw a flash of something familiar between channel flips.

“Wait, go back.” Mark complied and flipped back to the previous channel where a red-haired anchorwoman was reading the news.

“-has been missing for about 48 hours. Mackenzie is the second child that has gone missing this past week, the first being Carter Adams.” Two pictures appeared on the screen, one of a little girl in braided pigtails and the other a little boy with a dimpled grin.

“Shit.” You cursed as you placed your dinner on the table, your appetite long gone. Two kids already? The game had only been out for a couple of days.

“What’s wrong?” Mark asked but turned his attention back to the news when the woman continued to speak.

“Just like Carter, Mackenzie was last seen leaving a local pizzeria with her friends but never made it home but police have made no connections between the restaurant and the missing children.” You saw the color drain from Mark’s face as he too dropped his food on the table when a picture of the said pizzeria came up.

“No… it can’t be.” He whispered in disbelief.

“It is.” You replied solemnly. “It’s not an exact replica but it’s definitely an effect from a bleed.” Although the name of the restaurant was blurred out, you could still make out the silhouette of a bear hanging above the sign.

“So, there’s a bleed coming from the Five Night’s at Freddy’s universe?!” Mark practically screeched, seconds away from a major freak out.

“Yeah, it’s all thanks to that stupid sequel. Or prequel, or whatever it’s supposed to be.” You answered, digging into your pocket to fish out your phone. You had to call Evangeline and see if she knew about this.

“No one’s gone through the game and put up the walls or whatever they’re called?”

“Everyone who’s tried is dead. I’m supposed to be the next Agent to give it a go but Evangeline is still screening potential partners for me. Won’t let me go without one.”

“Then I’ve made my decision. I’ll be your partner.” You fingers stopped moving as your body went cold. You spun around and faced a determined-looking Mark.

“Hell no you’re not.”

“Look, I might not have the training but I know this game inside and out. I can hel-”

“No, you can’t!” You snarled, making the dark-haired man flinch but he quickly collected himself and steeled his gaze to match yours.

“What is your deal? What is it that you don’t like about me? My face? My attitude?”

“Everything.”

“Yeah? Then why the hell are you here? If you really hated me, you wouldn’t have stepped foot inside my apartment, much less accept my peace offering.”

“I…” Your anger began to subside in the face of Mark’s logic as an embarrassed blush creeped onto your face. Dammit. You let out a long sigh, releasing not only air but a good amount of your rage, leaving you an exhausted lump.

“Fine, I don’t hate you okay?” You admitted, looking down at your hands as the guilt you had locked away took over. “I was just trying to make it harder for you so you wouldn’t accept the job. I don’t need someone dragging me down.”

“I beat the game, I know how it works.” Mark stated, his tone softer than before. Probably backing down now that you weren’t growling at him.

“I’m sure you do, you wouldn’t have been sought after by my boss. But this is a life or death situation and I don’t know if I can trust someone who’s never been out in the field, especially if that said someone just recently learned about all this crazy shit.” Silence followed soon after and you glanced up after a few moments to read Mark’s face. The mixture of emotions made it hard to pinpoint what exactly he was thinking but you could tell that he was torn up about this. Finally, he began to speak.

“I feel responsible for what happened to those kids.” He confessed in a soft voice. You raised an eyebrow, not expecting that to come out of his mouth.

“What are you talking about?”

“I helped spread word about the game through my videos.” He explained as he rubbed the back of his neck, a pained expression on his face. “I uploaded the last one yesterday and I’m pretty sure they’ve all reached about two million views by now. Dammit!” You jumped when his fists suddenly slammed against the coffee table as Mark’s face contorted from guilt to anger.

“There’s nothing I can do here! No one would believe me if I went to the cops so the only way I can stop any more kids from getting kidnapped and possibly killed is if you let me go with you to that universe!” His eyes bore straight into yours, the fury clearly shining through before they slowly turned into desperation after a few moments.

“[Name], I promise I won’t drag you down. I’ll listen to whatever you say and do whatever training I need to do so please, let me help.” You looked at Mark for a good long while, studying every inch of his face with your trained eyes. You were searching for some kind of crack, a lie beneath his anguish but you couldn’t find anything. He was truly shaken up by the fates of those two kids, no, two complete strangers, and seemed determined to make things right. To do so much for someone he didn’t know…

It was fucking inspiring.

You haven’t met anyone, in or out of the Agency, who would jump into danger for someone they didn’t know in a long time. Chuck was onto something when picking this guy for the position. Maybe you could trust him, just a little bit.

“7 AM.” You finally announced as you stood up.

“What?”

“We’ll leave here at 7 AM for the office so we could start on your training. You need to at least get used to universe jumping before we go face Freddy and his gang.” You ignored Mark’s bumbling as you started for his door but stopped short when he called out to you.

“Wait! Does that mean…?” You glanced over your shoulder and gave him an even look.

“Yeah, I’ll take you as my partner. But remember, you made me a promise. And I hate people who break their promises.” Mark blinked, probably surprised over your change of heart, before giving you the brightest, sincerest smile you had ever seen.

“I won’t let you down.” He replied warmly and you felt your breath hitch just the tiniest bit. You brushed away your strange reaction and gave Mark a simple nod.

“Good. See you tomorrow.” You walked out of his apartment, hearing his good-bye just as you closed the door behind you. As you crossed the hallway to your door, you placed a hand over your chest, feeling it’s quickened pace beneath your shirt and skin. You furrowed your brow in confusion as you headed inside.

What the hell was that?

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews… Blood Drive (S01E02) Welcome to Pixie Swallow Airdate: June 21, 2017 @syfy Ratings: 0.627 Million :: 0.18 18-49 Demo Share Score: 3.5/10 @blooddrivesource

**********SPOILERS BELOW**********

It’s not that ‘Blood Drive’ is completely unwatchable, because it isn’t, there is certainly an undeniable improvement from E1 to E2. It’s just that as far as options go, particularly within this genre, and television as a whole… SyFy needs to do more than push the boundaries of censorship to keep viewers. The bloody, 'fuck-bomb’, Soska Sisters-wannabe series has already seen a 25% drop in overall viewers as well as that coveted 18-49 Demo Share they need for advertising income from just E1 to E2. No doubt that SyFy has some sort of deal with Amazon Prime & Netflix in place, but they’ll need more than that to secure a renewal. The last two SyFy series we’ve covered were both cancelled after 1 season, and the show we always rushed back to watch (Defiance) was mysteriously cancelled as well despite being SyFy’s too rated show… Marking the last remaining show left over from the tail end of the SyFy Network’s 'Golden Age’. 'The Magicians’ is the only series in the past several years that has actually shown an increase in interest and overall viewership as well as that coveted demo. Just for comparison sake, the universally panned 'Olympus’ averaged 0.551 Million viewers & a paltry 0.14 18-49 Demo Share. SyFy’s 'Wynona Earp’, which is now in its 2nd season is averaging below that, at 0.508 Million & an 0.12 18-49 Demo Share. We assure you, Olympus was at least cheaper to make.

Everyone knows Preacher is back on A&E, right? 'Blood Drive’s core audience seems to be those that are simply impressed with boundary pushing and had big brothers in the 80s who lined their bedroom walls with posters with models like Christie Brinkley, Tawney Kitaen, & Cindy Crawford in skimpy bathing suits with big hair and butt floss. Entering Blood Drive’s 2nd episode, the only character that seems to be of any note is Julian Slink (Colin Cunningham), his motivations besides being a blood thirsty bad ass with a scary demon/deep voiced/possible woman robot boss with multiple copies, Aki (Marama Corbett), who may or may not kill him depending on whatever she feels like doing at the time for no reason whatsoever, are vague and unclear. She loves that Slink showed initiative and killed the over-eager new head of maintenance with the bottom side of a briefcase in the public view of the Heart Enterprises waiting room, so that will buy him time to take the 'Blood Drive’ race on the air to see if they can register better numbers than the SyFy channel. He better hope that he does, though honestly he doesn’t look to thrilled about the idea. Lucky for him, SyFy numbers aren’t hard to beat.

While the race is without its host and partially unsupervised, Good Cop Arthur Bailey (Alan Ritchson) and Bad Ass Female Driver w/little to no character motivation, Grace Argento (Christina Ochoa) take a break from fucking in the front seat of their blood thirsty car that records everything they do and head to 'Pixie Swallow’. Charming, I know. While the 15 year old boys in the audience are stuffing their stiff socks from last week under their bed with an old pizza box, they ready another pair from the dirty pair as the pair checks into a creepy hotel after stealing an Elvis impersonator’s room key. Unfortunately for them, it’s not Arthur & Grace having hot car sex this week (Anyone remember that one movie 'Crash’, the NC-17 one where there was a group of ppl that were obsessed with fucking while crashing cars? Sorry 🚨 ADHD thought alert 🚨).

This week on the 'Blood Drive’ menu, our sex scene is a gay anal scene between a very frail, unkempt and dirty looking 'The Scholar’ (Darren Kent) and a very old, crusty creeper that looks like he could be the cousin of 'The Tallman’ from a parallel universe in 'Phantasm’, but dystopian damaged, and possibly inbred. Yup, I’m talking about 'The Gentleman’ (Andrew Hall). The Scholar professes his love to The Gentleman, but The Gentleman turns his love and affection into hard pumps into The Scholar’s ass. I have a sneaking suspicion that this dude didn’t even spit on it for Christ’s Sake. The Gentleman tells The Scholar tells him that once they win that he can basically fuck off, no going to Bjork’s unpronounceable hometown for him! This makes zero sense for 'The Gentleman’s character. If you want yo get ahead, you wait to screw people over. 2nd episode admittance is kind of like signing your on death warrant in the least original or interesting way possible.

The most revolting two people two have ever starred in a gay sex scene on cable television (is there an award for that? MTV maybe? Possibly the European MTV Awards?) isn’t all that’s on the menu for this round of 'Blood Drive’. The diner connected to the hotel is run by a family of possibly incestual rednecks who are using human meat to make steaks and burgers. This whole schtick has been done to death, nothing new to see here. Anyone remember that bad ass Horror/Exploitation film from 1980 called 'Motel Hell’ or the 80’s film 'Blood Diner’? Well combining two films that are both 30-35 years old doesn’t exactly scream originality. Slightly entertaining? Not really, possibly, sort-of. It’s hard to care. I did mention that 'Preacher’ just started S2 on AMC right! 🚨ADHD thought alert! 🚨 There went another one.

Somewhere along the line, Arthur and The Scholar end up in the diner together, connecting over their disconnection with their driving partners. Arthur is eating his rare burger (ewe, steak ok, tuna ok, but rare human burgers? At least Mid-Well, dawg) and while he’s chewing down he finds one of the fingers from one of the women from the cast of TNT’s 'Claws’. Arthur, of course, investigates and for a reason that wasn’t exactly crystal clear, the owners freak out and a bunch of cannibals take over the hotel. Meanwhile, Arthur’s partner Chris (Thomas Dominique), wakes up at Heart Enterprises and they let him roam around the building, but first they tell him he had 9 erections while he was sleeping. No news as to whether those erections were resituated or grabbed, pulled forward, then let go to smack Chris’ stomach and make a fun noise. Unfortunately, we never find out what happened with those 9 erections and now I’ll forever be haunted by the mystery. In what is the most entertaining scene of the entire episode, Chris goes through Heart Enterprises’ 'Orientation’ and the Aki copy show’s a deep appreciation for her part in the orientation video. The lines are on par, proving that once again, surrounded by total muck and poorly executed ideas, there are some fun moments to be had in 'Blood Drive’.

Apparently great earthquakes created a great scar in the middle of the United States and instead of running from it like everyone else, Heart Enterprises ran toward it… Finding incredible resources in 'The Scar’, such as; “unstable minerals, morally questionable fuel alternatives, unnatural gasses, and deep wells of unidentifiable glowing goo with properties far beyond the realm of modern science. The world ecological disaster was our economical windfall. And now we share with you, the newest member of Heart, the fruits of our labor… We Heart You.” Aki even mouths the words to 'her part’ and makes a heart with her hands as she repeats, “We Heart You.” The scene gets better… Apparently Chris is what this show has been missing. His back and forth with Aki embodies the exact type of silliness, dark undertones, and comedic timing that the Exploitation genre calls for. Chris even calls the Aki copy 'Small Wonder’… Vicky The Robot, anyone?! Aki tells Chris he’s free to roam the building and can leave anytime, but she’s pretty confident that he will stay and join them… So he’s free, but he’s not to contact his partner or anyone else for that matter or he’ll be 'modified’… Behaviorally. Ok. This entire scene just made the rest of this episode completely worthwhile.

There’s some seriously weird shit that goes down in the hallways of Heart Enterprises and again I’d much rather follow Chris, Aki (the many versions), and Slink. These three outweigh our main protagonists by a landslide. That’s not how 'Blood Drive’ is going to work though… And while Arthur, Grace, and The Gentleman search for The Scholar to fix their cars, Chris is returning Arthur’s message and filling him in on the drama going on at Heart… Probably not such a great move, but hey… Blood Drive! There’s a convenient sob story about Grace’s sister and I just thought of how much laundry I have to do… Seriously. 🚨 ADHD thought alert #3! 🚨 Heart and the asylum that Grace’s sister happen to be in are connected. Apparently instead of getting on with the race, they’ll be stopping in that very asylum in the next episode. Back to Chris! I’ve suddenly forgot all about my laundry! Chris is going to stay at Heart and work with them and pledges to one of the Aki Copies his obviously fake as shit loyalty. She accepts. She also delivers on her promise to 'modify’ him as she’s quite aware that he contacted his partner… Former partner, now as behavior modifications are underway. More Chris. More Aki. More Slink. Less everything else.