#so like maybe don’t operate on the assumption that everyone experiences relationships the same way

[gayvampyr]

how you define your relationship does not have to match how others define theirs

[siswritesyanderes]

If it had been Jasper-Sadie or Alice-Sadie as the vampires and finding their third later, how if at all would any of the “prior” story (the Twilght saga proper) have changed?

This turns the timeline inside out, but Meyer was never great at those anyway.

(Hi, if you're from the Twilight fandom stumbling across this post without context, Sadie is my OC in a yandere Alice/yandere Jasper/OC fic that you can read here.)

Ohhh, so much potential there! I can't answer that in full, because doing so would spoil what Sadie's potential vampire ability is. (Super sorry about that. Feel free to ask again after that information has come up in Rule One!)

I can say that both Bella and Edward would take to confiding in her and seeking her counsel with regards to their relationship. Especially if it's a Sadie-Alice duo; Edward would be super close with both Sadie and Alice (like he's close with Alice in canon), and while he sometimes gets frustrated with Alice, he pretty much always respects Sadie. It's like, Alice would be Bella's best friend and Edward's partner in crime (since she's still the one who would agree to kidnap Bella, whereas Sadie would never), and Sadie would be Bella's confidante and Edward's moral compass. Both Bella and Edward would go to Sadie for advice about each other, and Sadie, though startled by their neediness, would always have something valuable to say.

(Picture Bella or Edward bursting into Sadie's room with a question, and Sadie, wide-eyed, putting down whatever she's doing and saying, "Alrighty then, have a seat.)

Edward trusts that Sadie wouldn't lie to him, so the urgency in having Bella run to him in Italy before he sparkles in front of people (lest he read Alice's thoughts and assume she's lying to him) wouldn't be a thing; Sadie just runs Bella to Edward with vampire speed and is subjected to that whole reunion as an awkward third wheel while Alice parks the stolen car.

Also, Sadie would tip every fight slightly more in favor of the Cullens, but she would also have a habit of really wanting to talk to the enemies instead of attacking them. This is good/useful with the Volturi but not so good/useful with Victoria and Riley.

Oh! Also, Sadie would realize that Victoria will probably follow Edward's scent, in Eclipse, and Sadie would accompany him and Bella in sitting the battle out, so that they have more backup against Victoria. Jasper and Alice wouldn't be privy to the fact that Victoria is coming; this is just a realization that Sadie has that Edward hears in her mind. (As far as Jasper and Alice are concerned, Sadie is sitting the battle out just to be safe, and they're happy that she won't be in harm's way.) This is where Sadie's need to talk to enemies would become a problem, because both Victoria and Riley are too far gone to listen to reason, but Sadie really believes in them and wants to convince them they don't have to die today. It still turns out fine, though. Sadie gets a little hurt, but she's fine. Alice and Jasper would be absolutely smothering, after. Victoria is lucky she's already dead, because they would make her suffer.

And Sadie would think to explain things to Irina before Alice realizes that Irina is going to the Volturi, so that whole misunderstanding never happens.

All of that being said, the thought of "Yandere Alice meets Sadie first" and "Yandere Jasper meets Sadie first" got really interesting to me. So I have to talk about those scenarios immediately.

I'm going to place Sadie sometime in the twentieth century in both cases, and I'm going to try to let the time period matter as little as possible, but feel free to imagine them in 50s or 60s attire, lol. (Or 70s or 80s; again, it doesn't matter that much; I'm just placing her in the twentieth century to keep the rough order of events the same, kind of.) I'm approaching this with the assumption that Alice and Jasper still become vampires in the same way/at the same time as they do in canon; they just meet at different times. I'm not dealing with the Confederate thing here, though, because I'll be dealing with it in Rule One.

I'm gonna go ahead and put it all under the cut. (And if your experience of Rule One is more invested in the potential for wholesome romance than the yandere aspect, maybe the rest of this isn't for you, because this is definitely more yandere-leaning, lol.)

Alice-Sadie

Alice knows three things: 1. Her own name. 2. That she is going to join the Cullens. 3. That Sadie, whom she has not yet met, is her soulmate.

Though she slips up every now and then, Alice does her best not to eat humans. She wants to fit in with the Cullens by the time she finds them, so she's accustoming herself to the animal diet. Anyway, she has a mate out there whom she will meet as a human, and she has to get herself under control before she can risk being around her.

The thing is, Alice knows about Sadie before Sadie is actually an option, so she has to kill time so that she doesn't meet Sadie too early. And Alice hates waiting, so she goes ahead and introduces herself to the Cullens before Sadie. She tells them all about how she'll have a soulmate soon, and how it's killing her to keep her distance but she knows things will be way better if she never meets Sadie as a child. She decorates her room with things that Sadie likes, anticipating that one day she'll be sharing the room with Sadie. Honestly, if it weren't for Edward's mind reading, the rest of the Cullens might think Sadie was an imaginary friend or something.

(Rosalie would normally take issue with Alice's plans to intrude on the life of a human she's never met just because of a potential future where they're in love, but she doesn't really take Alice's fantasizing seriously until it's too late.)

One day, Alice just sort of disappears from the Cullen house, and only Edward knows where she's gone.

Sadie is finally at the right age; it's time.

Alice appears in Sadie's life, and everything she says and does is perfect. She rockets from stranger to friend to best friend at an impressive rate, her precognition easily compensating for Sadie's hesitancy (and Sadie would start off more wary than she is in Rule One, due to the time period). Having left the rest of the Cullens, for the time being, there is nothing (read: no one) holding Alice back from being absolutely surgical about making herself important in Sadie's life and subtly isolating her. She gives expensive gifts, and comprehensive compliments, and she always knows what to say to make Sadie like and trust her more.

When Sadie starts to become suspicious about the evolution of their friendship, Alice drops the vampire bomb and the soulmate bomb all at once, showing Sadie her speed and strength and sparkles. There was no better way to do it. Alice checked; this was the absolute best set of circumstances for the reveal.

Sadie asks for time to process the information. She asks for space. Alice graciously allows it; she's practically living with Sadie at this point, anyway. (Not that Sadie knows it. But yeah, she's in Sadie's house pretty much 24/7 (minus her hunting trips), dodging notice with stealth and psychic powers.)

When Sadie is ready to talk again, Alice pours out every reassurance: how she will never stop loving her; how she would never hurt her; how she thinks about her all the time and loves her so much. Sadie isn't fully won over by the whole vampire lover concept, but Alice does convince her to come meet her family.

They go to the Cullen house. Alice shows her off to everyone, and Rosalie is stunned, and Emmett laughs incredulously. Edward and Carlisle make polite introductions, and Esme hugs her, just glad to see Alice so happy. (Esme has been so worried about her newest daughter, so flighty and constantly pining for someone who wasn't there. And then she disappeared, and anything could have happened to her! But now she's back, and she's brought someone lovely, and she looks happier than Esme has ever seen her.) Carlisle and Edward give Sadie a more in-depth explanation of how vampires operate and why the bond between mates is a big deal. Esme cooks her a huge meal. Before they know it, nighttime has come, and Sadie falls asleep in Alice's room.

She wasn't drugged or anything; Alice just perfectly orchestrated a set of circumstances in which she would be tired by this exact time.

When she wakes up, Alice is an utter angel, offering her breakfast and a bath and telling her that there's more to see, around the house. She hasn't seen Rosalie's garage, yet! She hasn't seen Esme's garden. And soon enough she's sleeping over again.

On that third day at the house, Rosalie pulls Sadie aside to say that she'll drive Sadie home, if Sadie needs her to. But Alice has done her job well; Sadie likes Alice, and she likes the Cullens, and most of all, she's so curious about vampires and the world thereof. She's willing to stay and learn, provided she can visit her friends and family, and provided Alice doesn't try to change her. She fills several journals with what she learns about vampires, all in the span of a single year. She learns so much, and she's never satisfied that she's learned enough.

When Alice asks her to let Carlisle change her, she chooses exactly the right conversation, exactly the right approach, and exactly the right time. Sadie agrees and becomes a vampire. (She kind of has to, for this prompt, lol.) Rosalie is annoyed, but she knows that Sadie thought the matter over thoroughly.

When the day comes that Alice sees Jasper in their future, she drags Sadie off to meet him, barely explaining herself beyond "We have another mate!". Sadie goes along with it because she's used to Alice's antics.

They meet this crimson-eyed, roguishly handsome vampire, and Jasper is pretty instantly enthralled with them both. He's curious about their golden eyes, charmed by Alice's forwardness, and amused by Sadie's mix of intrigue and wariness. The emotional flavor of Alice's joy and cheerfulness, and of Sadie's curiosity and uncertainty, are enough to pretty much have him wrapped around their fingers right away.

Sadie's reaction is more "Ohhhh, Alice, this guy eats people..."

Alice just goes, "It's okay. Jasper will be willing to change his diet if we ask him to. Won't you, Jasper?"

And it's so presumptuous, but also he's into it, because Sadie has already made it clear that eating humans is a deal-breaker for her, and he doesn't want this meeting to end.

He joins the family, and it feels like the best thing ever; he has two amazing soulmates, and he belongs to a large coven that will always be safe from strangers. The animal-eating thing is a downside, but there's no help for that.

The dynamic for the next little while is that Alice is already in love with both Jasper and Sadie, Jasper is already in love with Alice and Sadie, and Sadie is in love with Alice and polite to Jasper but isn't quite sure about him. Like, she's in a peculiar place of "We are soulmates, and I do like you and feel an attraction to you, and I understand how our personalities are good together, but I don't know how long it'll take me to become comfortable with your past", and Jasper is just falling over himself to earn her approval, but she's comfortable with allowing it to take time.

(Rosalie is secretly very entertained by the whole thing, and Emmett is not-so-secretly entertained.)

Unlike in canon, Jasper would never suggest eating any human ever again; even once Sadie is comfortable with him, he never wants to risk making her doubt him the way she did in the beginning.

Jasper-Sadie

So at this point in his life, Jasper is eating people. His eyes are bright red, and he is ruthless, and Alice isn't around to temper that side of him.

This is absolutely a kidnapping situation.

When he runs into Sadie (entirely by happenstance), he doesn't know immediately that he is in love with her; he just knows that he wants to follow her, so he does. He stalks after her like he has stalked lots of prey in the past. Her blood doesn't sing to him, though; after several hours of just tailing her, he realizes that he just likes to hear her breathe and speak and laugh. He likes to look at her. He likes to taste her emotions on the air. He likes this human.

Then he realizes that he's in love with her, as much as Peter is in love with Charlotte.

He never wants to stop looking at her, listening to her talk...

He manages to get her alone, and he introduces himself in a charismatic, gentlemanly fashion. He kisses the back of her hand (managing to ignore the feel and sound of her pulse so close; he shouldn't take a risk like that again) and says, "Good afternoon, ma'am. My name is Jasper Whitlock. May I ask what your name is?"

She notices the coldness of his skin and the redness of his eyes (and again, time-period-wise, this interaction is very weird), but he is sending her the most powerful waves of comfort and calm that he can. She is dazed and perplexed, but not afraid, as she answers, "I'm Sadie Gilder."

It's the most beautiful name he has ever heard.

He abducts her pretty much then and there; he leads her away with a request that she accompany him and a heavy layer of mood control. Sadie is able to break out of the daze (through sheer overthinking) after they've walked together awhile; by the time she asks, "Wait, where are we?", they've reached the secluded mansion of an old widow.

(Jasper doesn't need a place to sleep, but his Sadie does, so he quickly identified this place as the best option.)

The order in which Jasper eats the occupants of the house and brings Sadie inside the house is up to your imagination, as is whether or not Sadie ends up seeing any bodies or seeing him with blood on his face and clothes. Either way, just the kidnapping itself is enough to have Sadie panicking, and he hates to feel her fear.

He holds her, gives her calming energy, and whispers to her. "Don't be scared. I won't hurt you, Perfect Sadie. I won't eat you. You're too special. Just gonna keep you right here." (He's just eaten a lot of people, so he's okay with breathing right next to her, so that he can keep whispering to her.) She falls asleep in his arms. He doesn't stop holding her, and he doesn't stop whispering. (Also, remember how the first thing he says to Sadie in Rule One is that she's warm and soft? Yeah, he still says that, pretty much verbatim, in this scenario. I'm not putting it in quotes, because it sounds dirty in a kidnapping context, but he for sure says it.)

The next day, since he's keeping up the comforting vibes to keep her from being afraid, Sadie asks Jasper a lot of questions. He tells her everything he knows about vampires. He isn't fully versed in vampire mating, so he isn't able to really inform her that his obsession with her is, to some degree, an inherent vampire trait, but he is very good at conveying to her that he is obsessed.

With no one to tell him to cool it with his power, and with his diet of human blood making his power more potent than it would be on animal blood, Jasper uses it at pretty much full capacity every time, instead of subtle shifts in emotion. So, while Sadie does notice that it's happening, she can't keep herself from the effects of his power by self-awareness alone.

He generally doses her with the same kind of peaceful calm he uses when he meets strange vampires for the first time, instead of the lethargic calm he uses to keep prey docile. He uses the latter when he wants her to sleep, but for the most part he just wants her to be unfearful and communicative.

She eats the food that's in the house. When he's able to convince himself to leave her unattended (usually after he's put her to sleep), he picks up more groceries and abducts some humans for himself. He keeps them in the cellar, far enough away from Sadie that she needn't know they're there but close enough that he can still hear her when he goes down to eat them. It's actually very convenient, not to have to hunt often; he just has to pop down to the cellar and enjoy a few of the already-injured occupants. Having a steady home has its upside. It's a shame someone will eventually notice the widow missing and he'll have to move with Sadie. But there will always be another empty mansion, or a mansion that can be easily made empty.

(When it's time to change homes, Jasper carries Sadie to the new destination while she's sleeping.)

Partially due to the mood control and partially due to the upfront-ness of everything, there's honestly very little tension between them. There's fear, sometimes (The one time Sadie tries to leave the mansion while Jasper is eating, he runs up from the cellar to stop her, and he's still covered in blood, and she's terrified, and it takes him a lot of soothing to get her calm again. It upsets him when she's scared.), but no tension. Sadie would like to leave, but she gathers that she can't, so all there is to do is maneuver within the new situation and learn more about her captor.

And neither of them is inherently a romantic. Jasper loves her, but even he isn't under the impression that they're dating or something. As far as he's concerned, he's keeping her; as far as she's concerned, she's studying him. Jasper is ecstatic with the arrangement, and Sadie is as comfortable as the situation allows.

Peter and Charlotte follow Jasper's scent at some point, wanting to hang out, and Jasper socializes with them outside the mansion, explaining that they can't go in because there's a human inside whom he is invested in keeping alive, and he can't risk them eating her. When they learn that he's in love, they ask if he plans on changing her, but he says that he can't yet. His control isn't good enough.

One day, Alice shows up.

She meets Jasper while he's in town, gathering food for Sadie and himself. They still have the little "You kept me waiting" "My apologies" flirtation, but he's a little more guarded, because he has to get back to Sadie, and as much as he is already beguiled by this weird-eyed stranger, he doesn't want her following him home. She's a vampire, and no vampires are allowed near his Sadie.

Alice really wants to skip the wooing; she's already seen herself with Jasper and Sadie. But she knows that mentioning Sadie too soon could make Jasper defensive, so she has to sprinkle herself slowly into Jasper's life, meeting him when he comes to town and letting his instinctive attraction and fondness for her grow into trust over a span of months (even moving towns when he does). She doesn't say anything about him switching to an animal diet, either; she tells him that she eats animals, but trying to influence him at this stage could alter her chances of seeing Sadie. Better to just let him murder.

Once they're at the right place, trust-wise, she tells him that she is already as in love with Sadie as she is with him, due to her psychic visions, and she asks to meet her. At first, Jasper isn't ready, but after she's asked a few more times, he allows it.

Alice has to be extra careful, because she wants to just run and hug Sadie as soon as she sees her, but if she makes a sudden move, Jasper will react badly. (Especially since the speed that comes with her small frame makes her a genuine threat to Sadie, even with Jasper there.) Not to mention, she has to endear herself to Sadie, whose only experience with vampires has been abduction.

"Sadie Lily Gilder," Alice says, barely restraining her excitement. "I am Alice Cullen. I'm your other soulmate."

Sadie is mostly perplexed and a little exasperated, but Jasper feels suddenly as if the sun has broken through the clouds. (Which means a lot, since he was already happy before.) Alice's joy at finally getting to see Sadie seems to fill the room, and this is his first time hearing Sadie's middle name, and...

"I like seeing you together," he realizes.

For the next few months, Alice is allowed to visit Sadie every now and then, under full supervision from Jasper. He can feel that she loves Sadie as much as he does, but he's still got to be careful. Humans are so fragile, and he's used to only trusting himself. When she comes, Alice brings Sadie little gifts that she never thought to ask Jasper before. She brings a new spritely energy to the house that Sadie comes to enjoy.

The following few months, (and after Jasper has watched her hunt animals) she's allowed to stay over full-time. They watch Sadie sleep, together. She's able to answer more of Sadie's questions.

Alice introduces Jasper to the idea of joining a family she's seen in their future. He doesn't want that many vampires around their Sadie, but as always, Alice says just the right things: they're all animal eaters; she hasn't seen a single future where any of them hurt Sadie; and the eldest of them could change Sadie for them.

(She also has to convince Sadie to want to become immortal with them, since she knows that Carlisle and Edward would be against turning her against her will. It helps that Sadie has been captured by a vampire for a while, now, and being a vampire herself would give her a chance of exerting some control over her future.)

When they meet the Cullens, Alice acts like they're already best friends. Jasper is more formal in asking the patriarch if he can change Sadie for them.

Edward calls them out on kidnapping Sadie, but Sadie points out that, unless things come to blows between the Cullens and Alice and Jasper, the only way for her to no longer be kidnapped is by becoming a vampire.

So Carlisle changes her, and she stays with the Cullens so that she can have someone to help her overcome her thirst during her newborn years without slipping up and hurting someone. Alice and Jasper stay with the Cullens, too (and the Cullens tell Jasper that he has to switch to the animal diet if he wants to stay). Eventually, all three of them are close enough to various members of the Cullen family that they just sort of become part of it.

Having been kidnapped at the start of all this, though, Sadie exerts her autonomy in pretty much every way. In her newborn years, in which she is more temperamental (though that isn't saying much; she's still pretty mellow by newborn vampire standards), she confronts Jasper for what he did, and he pretty much just takes it; things have worked out pretty great for him, so it's only fair to let her get it off her chest. Sadie can feel the bond between her and Alice and Jasper, but she can also feel that he didn't have to do what he did. She goes to visit her human family, once she knows that she won't eat them; she and Rosalie go on lengthy road trips; she and Emmett go to football games; she goes volunteering and home renovating with Esme; she learns languages and musical instruments from Edward; she learns vampire history from Carlisle and even joins him on a trip to Volterra.

She lets Alice buy her clothes but overall gives Jasper a wide berth.

Alice, having gained full trust from Jasper, is able to convince him to allow Sadie her space for a while, as she comes to terms with everything that happened. Jasper agrees, since Sadie isn't so fragile anymore and he knows that Alice is keeping an eye on her. So long as they know where Sadie is at all times, and so long as she is accompanied by at least one of the Cullens, he can bear to spend uninterrupted one-on-one time with his newest mate, especially if doing so will help Sadie to forgive him.

The diet of animal blood makes him less wild (but more tense, as he can feel that he is weaker), and the newness of everything in Sadie's life raises her spirits. Maybe eventually she'll be willing to hang out with him again, but it'll take a few years.

[caneannabelle]

ok hi guys. it’s been a while. i wrote this analysis back when Mag 187 aka Checking Out aka The One Where Helen Dies first came out and literally ever since i’ve posted it i’ve wanted to redo it because it feels. lacking. listen if there’s one thing i hate it’s incomplete media analysis and i must right my wrongs lest i be forced to look upon myself and crumble from within. that being said, i’ve been putting off this rewrite for a long long time bc Life Gets Weird. tldr this was written over the course of several months so i apologize for inconsistent quality. anyways let’s get into it!

part one: recap!

it’s been a while! let’s just go over what happened. the scene i wanna focus on in particular is this one:

VICTIM

You’ve got to help me!

ARCHIVIST

[Angrily] Don’t touch me!

[THE ARCHIVIST PULLS AWAY, AS THE VICTIM FALLS AND IS CRYING]

HELEN

Oopsie. Not so easy, is it? Keeping up your humanity?

(187).

that being said i’m gonna be kind of all over the place but! i do think that’s a good jumping off point.

part two (part one): disparaging everyone’s problematic fav

in my original post my point was that in reflexively reacting to a victim with disgust and anger jon inadvertently reveals the nature of his dedication to helping victims as ego driven, especially because this line is directly preceded by him asserting his moral high ground over helen as being a “protector” as opposed to her indulgence in destruction. what i’m saying is homeboy has a savior complex. honestly there’s a lot of evidence to support that claim but i think the most obvious example would be jordan kennedy. like.

JORDAN

…Yeah. But wrong. Sick.

What did you do to me?

ARCHIVIST

I helped you.

JORDAN

Helped me? I don’t feel right, I, I just – Ah! No I don’t – argh! I don’t want this!

(184). to be clear it’s an action with a good intent! he just wants to help someone who once helped him! BUT it also demonstrates a lack of conscious empathy. i feel like i don’t have to argue this since jordan Literally vocally said he didn’t want this several times throughout the scene but the point remains that while jon’s intent is good the actual application of his saviourism removes the autonomy of those he affects. i’m not gonna touch on the “is it objectively immoral to become an oppressor for the sake of self preservation while existing within an extreme system in which all are oppressed regardless of your individual status” query mostly because i do not have the brainpower available rn to come to my own conclusion about systems of power and the way they’re represented in tma (which is a whole other rant tbh) but jon DOES rob jordan of the ability to come to his own conclusion in this debate and make his own choice, thereby removing his autonomy. you know. autonomy. free will. the thing that is central to jon’s internal conflicts. huh.

anyways i NEED to stress that i’m not saying that he’s the same as jonah or the web or even annabelle (although annabelle is a victim. no i don’t take constructive criticism). i just want to point out that his actions reflect a lack of understanding. while he’s able to empathize with the pain others experience and is eternally hyper- aware of it he is unable to view that pain through any lense besides his own and uses it in his cycle of self pity and blame, minimizing it at any point possible in the quickest way and Not prioritizing the wishes of the victim but instead the efficiency in decreasing his own guilt. anyways back to 187- both the victim and jordan are treated as props by jon (and helen) and once they serve their purpose in reaffirming the two’s sense of self are cast aside and ignored. ok from here i’m gonna get conceptual and self indulgent bc it’s my analysis and i get to bring up vague convoluted philosophy.

part two (part two): part two

let’s talk about the distortion for a sec. i refuse to believe helen and michael were both completely gone and it was just the distortion piloting their visage, mostly because… like that’s not what the text would indicate

HELEN

Michael isn’t me. Not now.

ARCHIVIST

What happened?

HELEN

He got… distracted. Let feelings that shouldn’t have been his overwhelm me.

Lost my way.

(101). it’s heavily implied that there was SOME remainder of michael in there, even if the being wasn’t him. maybe i’m way off base here but the way i interpreted the implosion of michael was that it was driven by his inability to maintain the repressed resentment and anger he had for gertrude. like it’s pretty clear that some warped version of michael’s feelings were trapped inside of the distortion and i’d go as far as to say that they were integral to his formation as it. i’m gonna operate on the assumption that michael and helen are two separate beings here for a sec even though we know they’re not. As opposed to michael’s resentment for the archivist, helen actively sought refuge in the institute and from the small amount we saw of her Pre-Distortion it seems like her paranoia is internally directed. i think you could even say that while michael was caught in an eternal battle with the concept of connection, helen is caught in a battle with the concept of self. the point is that she thinks of jon in a less “The Archivist” sense and more as just That Guy who she had an intense connection with that one time.

ARCHIVIST

So… S-so what do you want?

HELEN

I don’t know. Helen liked you, so… there’s a lot to consider. But I will help you leave.

(101). i would also like to point out that helen’s emergence as the distortion coincides with jon coming to terms with his identity as the archivist. parallels, baby! SO helen is a newly formed being that is grappling with the concept of her own existence and jon is reevaluating his understanding of identity as he comes to terms with the fact that he is turning into the thing he’s fighting against and this is all happening at the same time. live laugh love. stay with me here, i promise i’ll get back to 187. Throughout seasons 4 and 5 helen attempts to validate her own moral decisions via jon who she once saw herself in. conversely, jon sees both an image of what he could become AND arguably a representation of his past failure in her.

ARCHIVIST

It did. I think… I mean, you remember how I was back then, how paranoid. The Not!Sasha was there, and I could sense something wasn’t right, but I just couldn’t place it. It left me a suspicious wreck. Then when Helen Richardson came in, it seemed like… she was in the same place I was, but worse, further along. I thought, maybe if I could help her, that would mean… maybe I wasn’t beyond help?

(188). helen and jon lie at opposite ends of the same spectrum. both of them derive pleasure from the suffering of others

HELEN

Oh, John! This existence can be wonderful, if you just let it.

ARCHIVIST

[Sadly] I know.

(187). needless to say that a LOT of jon's arc and the themes surrounding him focus on the concept of autonomy and addiction and i think it'd be fair to say that this component is an aspect of that. repressing these qualities is both a way of reaffirming his control and also just.. him trying to be what he perceives as Good, and season 5 is the point at which this comes to the forefront of his character- particularly the line between what is intrinsic and what he truly has control over. a battle of the concept of the self, if you will. while the two share similar traits, jon is intensely moralistic while helen indulges in a twisted sense of hedonism and both are fueled by an inability to expand their viewpoint. helen fully immerses herself within these qualities and intentionally blinds herself to any concepts of morality (indulgence), and jon actively pushes back on this as hard as he can and follows black and white moral framework (repression). this means that in order for their relationship to function he must either accept her, choosing to let go in his personal battle with autonomy OR she must break out of her worldview and conform to standards of human morality which goes against her own nature.

part three: questions i do not have the answer to

so. what does it all mean. WELL. 187 is the boiling point of all this tension. we know that helen relies on jon to validate her sense of self and we know that jon sees himself in helen, both past and present

HELEN

But that doesn’t make any sense. You barely met her. You had half an hour together, and she spent most of that ranting about mazes! She was positively delirious with paranoia!

ARCHIVIST

True. But as you’ll recall, I was pretty paranoid myself at that point.

HELEN

So what? You saw yourself in her? A sad reflection? A possible future?

(187). I’d argue that 187 is demonstrative of jon’s inability to either fall into complete indulgence in intrinsic values that lack moral validity vs. maintain and image of self that does not conflict with the values he attempts to uphold in order to find internal satisfaction and yes both of those concepts are inherently egocentric as he bases his moral judgement on what he can justify to himself instead of what can be calculated via empathy. however. paired with the alternative (helen). is that BAD. is it inherently selfish to do what you perceive as good in order to feed your own savior complex? and if so, is it inherently selfish to indulge in destructive qualities as to not delude yourself? is honesty vs deception a black and white question? if not, where does helen even fall? in not deluding herself does she achieve a moral high ground? IS she deluding herself by denying the potential to be facetiously benevolent at the detriment of both her personal enjoyment and her honesty? does helen even posses the capability to repress her violent qualities? if she doesn't, does she have any autonomy? if she and jon are both inherently selfish and intentionally resistant to introspection, what makes them different? i do not have answers but i do think the text is meant to invoke these questions. i mean,

MICHAEL (STATEMENT)

There was a great evil, she said, and Michael was going to help her fight it. Am I evil, Archivist? Is a thing evil when it simply obeys its own nature? When it embodies its nature? When that nature is created by those which revile it? Perhaps Gertrude believed so. Michael certainly did. He believed everything she told him.

(101).

part 5: conclusion

so once again. what does it all mean. well! even post helen’s death jon continues to fight for autonomy and preserve his moral worldview so. i think that probably indicates something good.

MARTIN

Huh. She couldn’t help what she was, I guess.

ARCHIVIST

She didn’t even try.

(188). i honestly don’t have a thesis i just find it incredibly interesting how the themes surrounding these two intersect and play off of each other. anyways looping back to 187 i do think in a broad sense jon killing helen is representative of him choosing to stick by his convictions and keep fighting. i don’t have any good way to end this but thanks for sticking around during my self indulgent rambling!

[tossawary]

Chapter 25: “Home Sweet Home” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” quotes and commentary. Not a full list of favorite quotes or full commentary. 

-

 Anyway, Shang Qinghua makes himself  so fucking sincerely annoying that the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators can’t figure out how to politely tell him to fuck off fast enough. Shang Qinghua makes outlandish assumptions about how many thieves there are (at least a dozen, he’s sure, probably twice that) and what methods they might be using (special invisibility talismans, he suspects); Shang Qinghua repeatedly apologizes for being too busy with important things for Cultivator O.B.B. at the last Immortal Alliance Conference, then tries to commiserate with the man about having to get important things done without getting any respect for it; Shang Qinghua also anxiously wonders if they should all go to Zhao Hua Temple Sect to report what happened here, since there’s a troublesome demon and also some sneaky rogue cultivator thieves on the loose out here! He gets turned down immediately, but assures everyone that he’ll at least let Yue Qingyuan know everything that happened here right away! 

 Liu Qingge pretty much just stands there scowling silently the entire time - he’s no Shen Qingqiu for sheer menacing  "I can and I will ruin your entire life"  glares, but he’s still pretty intimidating. He does a great job! No notes! 

 Shang Qinghua nearly pats himself on the back as he and Liu Qingge leave less than an hour after he arrives.  “Holy shit, I’m good,”  he thinks, a little giddy with the successful extraction.  “That’s a skill that good ol’ Liu-Shidi will never have!” 

 -

AN: Of course this has a high chance of backfiring. Is Shang Qinghua going to weave webs of lies anyway? Of course. 

Love the fact that Shang Qinghua can shamelessly act like a total pushover, while actually manipulating someone so that he gets the results he wanted. Some snobby sect leader walks into a negotiation room, prepared to use SQH as a doormat, and Shang Qinghua is probably internally like, “Bro, me and my jelly spine welcome you to hell.” 

- 

 He gives them the rundown on what happened, but, to his complete lack of surprise, that doesn’t seem to satisfy interrogators like his little sister-in-law and his fellow transmigrator. They have so many questions! And Shang Qinghua doesn’t have enough answers for them! 

 No, he doesn’t know what Huan Hua Palace Sect knows or thinks they know. No, he doesn’t know how they knew about that place. No, he doesn’t know whether the monster was just a local opportunist preying on distracted cultivators or something more sinister. No, he’s not experimenting with the creepy special item or discussing it at length here. No, Luo Fanli and Peerless Cucumber are not allowed to poke at the creepy special item! 

 Why the fuck would he ever let them do that?! 

 All Shang Qinghua knows is that Luo Fanli and Peerless Cucumber should eat their vegetables and then go to bed! Because they all have a long journey back to the sect in the morning! And also that words cannot describe how painfully old he feels as soon as he says this. 

-

AN: I’ve been thinking about a Demon Trio fanfic in which Mobei-Jun finds himself in a similar position with Luo Binghe and Sha Hualing. 

Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua are, like, bare minimum twice the age of Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan. Like, yes, neither Mobei-Jun nor Shang Qinghua are old old by the standard of the PIDW world. Yes, MBJ and SQH are stunted as all get out. But the fact that they have bare minimum 2x the life experience as Bingqiu is, in my opinion, funny as hell and severely underused in fanfiction. 

Like, imagine Mobei-Jun unintentionally dadding new demon LBH in SVSSS. Mobei-Jun being like, “Don’t eat the meat from this monster. It makes you hallucinate.” Or being like, “These people aren’t politically important enough to be shown this kind of respect. Look down on them properly and go sleep, or no one will ever respect you again in demon politics.” 

MBJ looking at SVSSS LBH and SHL like, “Damn, who raised you?” 

Because, like, I love to joke about Mobei-Jun being an oblivious fool, but that’s in regards to human culture. Mobei-Jun operating on demonic culture + his level of arrogance in regards to how he’s handling SQH suggests that MBJ can be politically savvy among demons when he wants to be. Also, the mental picture of MBJ being like, “Eat your weird demon vegetables, there’s nothing wrong with them, you picky half-breed brat,” is extremely funny. 

I’ll probably turn this into a separate post. 

- 

Shang Qinghua does  not  miss the man’s unconcealed  “oh, great, some of my favorite problem people are back, probably with bad news”  expression when they arrive. The man is not at all impressed to hear about the drugged-up Shadow Cave Wolf Spiders or the evil, murderous, madness-inducing plant they fought on their mission, but the Qian Cao Peak Lord is reluctantly, partially placated by the jar of three-eyed skeleton tears Shang Qinghua super thoughtfully brought back for his inspection. Mu Qingfang really likes his research projects! 

 Shang Qinghua lets himself feel kind of good about this gift - he’s the man who gets things and gets things done - and ignores the Weeper’s Eye whispering in his head,  “He has resigned himself to the untimely deaths of everyone he knows.” 

 (Wow. Oh, Shang Qinghua knows that feeling!) 

-

AN: Mu Qingfang doesn’t think that everyone around him is inevitably going to die, he’s just extremely aware of how dangerous the world is and how reckless cultivators can be. Also, for many years, he was fairly certain that Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu were headed for bad ends. 

This felt like a good place to insert some optimism back into the sect in general. Luo Fanli has been cured and is willingly going to visit her sister, Liu Qingge has got a hold on his self-destructive tendencies, Mu Qingfang thinks things are getting better, Shen Qingqiu’s health problems have been essentially fixed, Qijiu might actually work their shit out, Shen Yuan shares his real name with Shang Qinghua, and so on and so forth. 

It felt like a good contrast with and buildup towards Luo Binghe’s Skinner mistake (not everything is rosy yet, there are still growing problems), the secret basement, and the encounter with Bing-Ge. 

Only to flip that around and then bring some surprise Moshang into things! 

- 

“I have now been informed that, after learning that you had returned and, at the very least, completing the duties that were intended to have him reflect on his actions, he has disappeared yet again,” Shen Qingqiu continues. “This second disappearance has set some of the other junior disciples into a renewed panic, which has concerned some of the senior disciples, which was, apparently, cause to alert me.”   

 “Ah,” Shang Qinghua says. 

-

AN: Shen Jiu should not be in charge of a bunch of children, but it is funny to imagine him going through the same “be a less shit person” adoption process as Shang Qinghua. Like, oh, it would be so easy for him to be cruel about this situation, but fuck you if he’s going to be outdone in the recovery and redemption process by Shang Qinghua of all people. 

Shang Qinghua: *grows into a kind of decent person* 

Shen Jiu: “Fuck you. That’s not allowed.” 

Shen Jiu: “...” 

Shen Jiu: “Well, if THAT FUCKER of all people can do it...” 

- 

 Shang Qinghua doesn’t have to look long or far to find his nephew. He finds the young protagonist sitting despondently on the doorstep of his own Leisure House, sniffling into his sleeve. Peerless Cucumber of all people is sitting beside him and keeping him company. 

  “Focusing on other people’s lives is easier than looking at his own.” 

 “-think a drowning man first has to save himself… or else he’s only going to bring down the people he’s trying to save,” Peerless Cucumber is saying. 

 Binghe nods. 

- 

AN: Going by, like, the everything of SVSSS, Shen Yuan really is the asshole going, “I’ll die before I look inwards to recognize and deal with my own emotions.” Also, going, “Yes, I’m a hypocrite who won’t take my own advice. And what about it?” What a repressed nerd. 

- 

 Shang Qinghua clears his throat to get their attention. Both kids (well, teenager and young adult, but still...  kids)  look up and then stand up quickly. Luo Binghe takes a forgetful step forward, before he wobbles into an appropriate respectful bow instead. 

 “Shang-Shishu!” 

  “How dearly this boy is loved!”  the Weeper’s Eye declares, in its soft way inside Shang Qinghua’s head.  “More than life itself! More than death itself!” 

 “Ah, never mind all that,” Shang Qinghua says, and steps forward to wrap his nephew in a quick hug instead, keeping the creepy talking eye oriented away from his nephew. “You’re a little too late to talk to me about your mission before your shizun did.” 

 Binghe, who was just relaxing into the unexpected hug, freezes. 

 Shang Qinghua knowingly pats the poor young protagonist on the back.

  “Oh, shit” is right! 

- 

AN: Uncle Shang really is adorable. Still kind of knocks me for a loop writing it, though, given that the SVSSS SQH and LBH relationship is... nothing like this whatsoever. Look upon the field of SQH and LBH content and see that it is relatively barren except for the stubborn motherfuckers with excellent taste in character exploration. 

-

  “Ahhh, well, I’ll be there too for this potential family reunion, bro,” Shang Qinghua assures him. “Maybe we can finally get to the bottom of where this ‘Shen Yuan’ name came from.” 

 Peerless Cucumber makes a strange expression. 

 “What?” 

 “...It’s my name.” 

 “What?” Shang Qinghua repeats. 

 “It’s my name,” Peerless Cucumber says again, quietly. “It’s my real name.” 

 “Oh.” 

  “Huh,” Shang Qinghua thinks, having been operating on the assumption that the System made the name up for its mysterious backstory. Well, that gives new dimensions to Peerless Cucumber’s criticism of the scum villain! 

 “You can use it,” Peerless Cucumber says, with an air of determined nonchalance. “Everyone else is doing it.” 

 “Ah, alright. Thanks.” 

- 

AN: This is probably the part where I would have made Shang Qinghua reveal his original name in turn... IF HE HAD ONE. It drives me... kind of wild that we get the Airplane Extras and we STILL don’t get 1) Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s original name, and 2) MOBEI-JUN’s name. 

Which actually makes things a little more interesting here, in my opinion, even though not having those names gets a little frustrating in terms of fanfiction writing. With Mobei-Jun, you get to explore the fucked up possibilities of him not having a name outside of his identity as the future Northern King. With Shang Qinghua, you get to explore him being a squirrelly little fuck who refuses to let anyone into his life. 

So, because we don’t have Airplane’s name, we actually get this mildly interesting dynamic in which Shang Qinghua doesn’t even really think to reveal it to Shen Yuan. We don’t see this part, but Shen Yuan is actually a little miffed by this degree of secrecy, which is going to come up later. (Shen Yuan doesn’t like the fact that Shang Qinghua has as much power over him as he does.) 

I personally do not hold the headcanon that Airplane’s name was “Shang Qinghua”. It’s a little too on the nose for me. At that point, the only reaction to transmigrating into SQH kind of has to be, “Ah, well, I was asking for that!” Maybe Airplane projected his worst qualities onto Shang Qinghua, but I don’t think he went so far as to give the character his own name. 

Airplane’s main identity when he died appears to have been Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky, and we know that he wasn’t particularly close to his divorced parents and any step- or half-siblings. So, the only names that are really relevant post-transmigration are “Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky” and “Shang Qinghua”. By the time that SY gets here, he’s firmly entrenched in those identities, and his original name is completely irrelevant. I could honestly believe that Airplane just doesn’t think it matters anymore. 

- 

 Shang Qinghua’s nephew, in the way of a true young protagonist or  fucking cannon fodder, got the bright fucking idea to slip away to speak with the concubine called Butterfly privately. 

 “I thought: what if she didn’t want to speak in front of that lecherous old man? What if she wanted to get away from him?” Binghe confesses. 

 “She was the demon,” Shang Qinghua guesses. 

 Binghe nods, voice breaking. “It was…  I was  really,  really stupid, Uncle.” 

 “Well, at least you know that,” Shang Qinghua sighs, and pats his sniffly nephew on the back again. 

 Oh, he can see why Shen Qingqiu was  pissed the fuck off now. Shang Qinghua kind of wants to start yelling! Or maybe just screaming, coherently or otherwise! 

 Except yelling isn’t going to help much right now. 

 Shang Qinghua listens as Luo Binghe recounts being captured by the demon and then waking up bound by Immortal Binding Cables - of being so terrified that he could barely breathe with it. His only hope was Ning Yingying and Ming Fan tattling on his disappearance and a senior disciple tracking him down on time. The skinner demon apparently nearly killed Binghe, crooning over his young and beautiful skin, except a flash of warm light intervened and dropped an unstable part of the ceiling in on them before they could hurt the captured protagonist. 

 “Fu-Shijie and Shizun arrived after that and k-killed it,” Binghe says. “Uncle, it was all  stupid luck!  Shizun said I should have been dead and that, between my efforts and the demon’s, he had no idea how I wasn't! And he was right! It was  so close! If the ceiling hadn’t fallen in like that-! Fu-Shijie suggested the ropes might be faulty and it could have been an unconscious use of spiritual energy, but I didn’t do anything! It wasn’t me!” 

 It  sounds like the System to Shang Qinghua, intervening again at a crucial moment to prevent the premature death of the protagonist. Just thinking about how close his nephew came to dying without him knowing is nearly enough to inspire a cold sweat! Shang Qinghua can’t speak about the System, so all he can really do is keep hugging! Keep holding on for dear life and saying soothing nothings to his crying nephew! 

- 

AN: I wanted to include the Skinner mission, but I didn’t want to redo it onscreen because that’s been done in many fanfictions before and I felt that there was really no good reason for Shang Qinghua to be a part of it. The reason I wanted to include it is to show how the plot is off the track of the SVSSS (and PIDW) stories, with the changed LBH and the changed Original SQQ. 

LBH wants to be a hero, but he’s not there yet. 

- 

 “...Don’t put yourself above him… or below him. Tell him what you want and listen to what he wants, and don’t be surprised if things don’t change all at once,” Shang Qinghua advises and, at Yue Qingyuan’s look, quickly raises his hands. “Ahhh, not my business, I know! Not my business! I just… I hope it works out! I hope you two get something better out of this mess! Aha, make the sect meetings a little less awkward and… things.” 

  “He has never known what better looks like. He will always be Yue Qi, the slave boy. No matter what he does.” 

 “...Thank you,” Yue Qingyuan says finally, thoughtfully. “I appreciate your… restraint in this matter… in recent months.” 

 Aha, yikes. 

-

AN: I know that some people wanted more stomping on Yue Qingyuan, but... like... this man is as or nearly as traumatized as Shen Qingqiu. His childhood fucking sucked. He broke his own soul trying to save Shen Jiu and failed. He made some shit decisions where Shen Qingqiu was concerned, but the logic and trauma he’s operating on are pretty obvious. He was trying. 

Part of the theme around the Qijiu and Moshang arcs has also been “an eye for an eye”. Like, are you guys really going to keep on not communicating with each other and then fucking up and then taking chunks out of each other? How many misunderstandings and upset over misunderstandings are you going to throw at each other? Where do you put your foot down and say, “I don’t want to live like this forever. We can be better than this. I want better than this.” 

Like, it can’t just be hurting each other back and forth (this applies to Qijiu more than Moshang, in which MBJ definitely carries the weight of this fuck-up). It can’t just be privately nursing hurt feelings forever. The options here are “fix it” or “live like this forever”. Fixing it won’t happen immediately, but the other option fucking sucks, so every little step helps. 

So Shang Qinghua here is just like, “Bro, I’m tired. My anger has cooled a lot. I just want all our lives to suck less. I hope things work out for you.” 

[cameforagoodtime]

One Direction and Management

Okay, to start off, I am a quarantine fan. I didn’t know anything about One Direction until a couple of months ago. I am sure that there are things that I don’t know anything about, and I can guide you to accounts of people who have been fans since the beginning (or at least pre-hiatus) because they are much more knowledgable about everything and also have seen progressions that I will never be able to understand. That being said, in my couple of months being a fan I have seen many misconceptions about the music industry that seem to be prevalent in this fandom. I also need to disclose that I do not have a perfect understanding of the music industry. I have a much better understanding than the general public, but everyone in this fandom has a better understanding of the industry than the GP so that’s not much of a distinction. What sets me apart is that I have access to someone who was formerly a part of the music industry. My dad was in a band for 11 years (from 1989-2000) and during that time he developed an understanding of how the industry works. I know that I am not completely knowledgable about the ins and outs of how the music industry works, but I talk with my dad about music all the time so I have an understanding different than the casual fan. 

Also, most of the time when I am writing about the fandom as a whole I am writing about post-hiatus fans. Most of the long-term fans that I have come across are so battle worn that they intrinsically have a great understanding of the industry. The problem comes from the people that haven’t seen the ebbs and flows of the industry over the last 10 years and tend to make incorrect assumptions.

One thing that I see all the time with the boys (especially Harry) is this inherent distrust of managers and management. I see where it comes from, Modest was absolutely terrible and did terrible things to the boys (though you have to admit even though they’re terrible they operated with incredible amounts of success). The major difference between Modest and all of the boy’s current managements is that they didn’t choose Modest. It’s widely known that the first deal that you get in the industry will take advantage of you. I have heard stories of small bands that are signed to a label that end up having to pay off their debts for decades after. The boys were pigeonholed into a deal with Syco from being on the X-factor, the contracts they had to sign to even be able to compete on the show ensured that. Because of that, Syco was able to take advantage of their naivety and get a better deal (for Syco not for the boys).

In general, management is a separate deal from the label. A label generally does not assign a management team, usually an artist already has a management (or at least a manager) before they negotiate their first deal. Because of the contracts the boys signed to get them on x-factor, they were pigeonholed into Syco and Modest, and then all the problems that we know and love started happening (though I do think that its very interesting to think about the first year and a half where Modest really didn’t exert a lot of control, but that’s a thought for a different post). I think people in this fandom tend to think of every management company as Modest and don’t understand that the first offer (which is what the boys accepted after the X-Factor) is always going to screw you over.

I think the best way to describe the normal relationship between artist, management, and label is that the management works for the artist, the artist works for the label. The reason that the management is necessary is because the label can (and does) try its best to screw people over. Artists hire a management to make sure that their interests are protected in the face of the label. I think most of what I am talking about is with Harry, so mostly I’m going to talk about the Azoffs. 

Irving Azoff is one of the best managers in the industry. He won an honorary grammy, and he is widely regarded as the most powerful person in the music industry. The way he has gained this power is by being cut throat. I am in no way defending Irving (or Jeff) Azoff, I think it is very likely that they are terrible people, but they are undoubtedly very good at their jobs. Your manager should not be your best friend, and I think all of the boys know that. Your manager should, however, be someone that you believe will fight tooth and nail for your best interests, and the Azoffs have proven time and time again that they are willing to do that. Irving Azoff is widely credited for the weakening of power that the labels have had over the last couple of decades because of his willingness to cut other people down for his clients. 

Here is where we get into my experiences. My dad’s manager was a guy named Alan (Al). Al is a super awesome guy, was a great manager for my dad, but at the end of the day he is pushy, micromanages everything, and I’m not going to lie I’ve heard stories of my dad being super annoyed with him. The reason my dad kept him around, however, was because he was really good at his job. Al would negotiate with the venue to get he highest pay, he would negotiate with the label to get more money out of a record, and sometimes he did the hard thing and told the band the things they didn’t want to hear. This was all his job. My dad still plays a show every two years or so with the band, and Al still tries to negotiate the highest amount of money he can out of a concert (even though my dad and all of his bandmates have other careers now and don’t really need the money). Al is now one of the managers for Duran Duran, is on the board for like 7 companies, and is altogether really successful, but it’s not because he was the nicest person to be around, in fact it’s mostly because of the opposite. 

I absolutely love Al, but he is such an asshole sometimes, and it’s because of that trait that he was a good manager. The same goes with the Azoffs. Yes, they probably aren’t great people, most people in positions of power like that aren’t. They are good managers because of their asshole tendencies, not in spite of. 

One of the things that makes me the most frustrated in this fandom is this inherent distrust of the Azoffs off of the belief that they manipulated Harry into signing an un-beneficial contract. This idea seems to stem from the belief that Harry isn’t smart enough to realize he’s being manipulated. I can assure everyone that after 10 years of being high level in the music industry, Harry is well aware when he’s being manipulated. I’m sure that he’s aware of his position and how people will try to take advantage of him, and I’m certain that he’s hyperaware of the fact that people are going to try to manipulate him. The major difference lies in the fact that 26 year old Harry is armed with a plethora of knowledge about the inner workings of the industry and a really good legal team that looks over and negotiates every contract he signs, 16 year old harry was not. 

In conclusion, managers suck, but that’s the whole point of their job. No one is best friends with their management. So no, Jeff Azoff is not the devil and forcing Harry to stay off of social media because of image control. It’s realistic that after 10 years in the public eye he wants the keep his life private (I absolutely do not blame him). I think that it’s likely that his label is controlling him and his image a bit (again, a post for another time) but I don’t really think Jeff is forcing Harry to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Harry isn’t a naive 16 year old anymore. He has an understanding of the industry much deeper than anyone in the fandom because his is all first person.

I also think its important to note that the image we were getting of the boys while in the band was also not authentic. I think that this is something that is too often forgotten, but even at the beginning when they seemed to be given a free for all there were clear messages that each of them were tasked with delivering. I think that the perception is often that management was less controlling of their social media during one direction, and while to some extent this is true, it’s important to note that their public persona has never been a true representation of them. We do not, nor have we ever, truly known who these boys are. We only know what they are willing to publicize.

I might make more posts about things people don’t understand if there are any requests (or if I just get bored). If anyone actually is reading this I’m sorry that you had to read through all of that, but if you have any questions (which I’m sure you do, I’m really bad at explaining things) just message me and I will be happy to explain it.

EDIT: I feel like this may come across as me saying that management disputes don’t happen in the industry. They absolutely do, it’s just that it doesn't seem likely that Harry in particular is having management disputes. All of the boys (except maybe Liam, but I don’t know enough about that particular situation) seem to be okay with their management teams. Harry seems to be totally fine with Jeff, so people really need to stop saying that he is unhappy. Jeff isn’t controlling all of his actions like people seem to think

I also think it’s important to remember that Niall is still signed to Modest, and it doesn’t seem to be forced. Modest may have been terrible management for Louis and Harry (and even though i don’t know enough about their specific situations I’ll group Liam and Zayn into this category as well) but clearly they were good managers for Niall. Every single situation is different but people need to realize that management doesn’t do all of the image control, they execute a lot from the label as well (and Syco seems pretty homophobic so...)

[emmys-grimoire]

Cosmology blurb

Mulling over ideas for a fanfic series set in the Celestial Realm and realizing I may need to make some educated guesses about how things work. I figure I’d share my observations. Spoilers ahead.

I’m thinking the realms aren’t sandwiched/stratified on top of each other but are arranged more like this...

... if Lilith didn’t have to fall through the human realm to get to the Devildom and if the heavenly gates are accessible from the Devildom (implied when MC is transported there from the Devildom). There are obviously Celestial-Human and Devildom-Human access points in the story, too.

Traditionally, Heaven is upstairs and Hell is downstairs. But, while clearly inspired by these places, the Devildom is not actually Hell and the Celestial Realm is not actually Heaven. I mean, they’re not even named that.

They each have their own seperate skies with different constellations/celestial bodies (Devildom doesn’t have a sun and the other two realms do, and they have Belphie’s/Beel’s stars). Clearly the act of falling from the Celestial Realm to the Devildom is at least a metaphorical thing, but it’s implied to be literal, too.

I don’t think it matters a whole heckuvalot, but it’s interesting to think about.

Angel versus Devil society

Looking at what small details we have, the way these two realms have evolved and currently function is also very interesting.

The Devildom is a monarchy while the Celestial Realm may be an autocracy with a caste system (I think the Devildom probably does, too, just by the nature of feudalism but it may not be officially acknowledged). Previous Demon Kings have lived and died (there’s a tomb and a line of succession) while the Celestial Realm presumably remained ruled by the same entity throughout time. 

That’s pretty interesting, too. Demon Kings are not immortal. Diavolo, however, is likely stronger than Lucifer -- it makes sense that he has to be if he’s actually meant to replace his father.

The Celestial Realm’s caste system has Luke at the lowest rank, some kind of middle or multiple ranks, and Michael at the top rank. Lucifer used to occupy the same rank alongside him.

Christian angelology has multiple very detailed and convoluted hierarchies regarding angels, and for that reason it's probably much more simplified in the game. It already deviates from the typical choir arrangement by having archangels be the top rank when they're normally near the bottom, and giving them the six wings of the seraphim (the top choir).

We're not given much insight as to whether or not angels are born into these ranks or if they ascend them through good works and valor in battle or something. Lucifer being so utterly flawless seems to suggest he was born with it, but Luke complaining about being in the lowest rank suggests that there may be some way for him to change that arrangement and it may simply be a consequence of his (lack of) age and experience. Simeon also mentioning Michael may be of higher rank but he's still "a normal angel" may also allude to that. It could be a variation, where everyone starts at the same level but Lucifer and Michael were specifically given a greater share of angelic power so they were meant to get to the top and that inevitably happened. Or maybe angels gain xp and levels in fights with the demons and they managed to become head and shoulders above the rest by being better gamers.

Also, the legion of angels. 

A legion is a military or semimilitary unit. That is an interesting term to call what may also double as your governing body outside of daddy. The game mentions Michael was in charge of Mammon’s “training” before he was handed over to Lucifer, and well...

Michael is usually depicted and referred to as a protector and the leader of the army of God against the forces of evil, and it seems he reprises that role in this universe. Lucifer once did, too.

A fundamental part of “angel training” may revolve around warfare and training for it. We know the angels and demons have had a long, bloody history, but fighting doesn’t seem to be a part of RAD’s curriculum. The Celestial Realm may have changed it’s course now that they’ve entered a period of relative peace, but I’m not entirely sure.

So far the only in-game lore detail we have related to the actual fighting is the colosseum being destroyed in a battle before the creation of RAD, but it’s proof that the angels have invaded the Devildom at some point. It might have went vice-versa, too, and we simply haven’t observed it because we haven’t been in the Celestial Realm for more than two minutes. 

In spite of all this, it doesn’t seem like angel society is wholly bad. It’s likely rigid and hierarchical, but it is also strangely communal. The brothers have all fostered close bonds with each other within the Celestial Realm -- not the Devildom -- and the angels in the story seem to maintain their positive opinion of Lucifer and his brothers in spite of him sparking a civil war and them now being demons. How the angels treat each other is also noteworthy: Simeon and Luke clearly love each other and have a healthy relationship, by all accounts Michael wholeheartedly supports Luke and gives him positive feedback, and in spite of Luke’s obvious (though changing) prejudice towards all things demon they’re comparatively even-keeled. They generally operate on the assumption that they should help each other and others and that’s a good thing.

They also seem to be onboard with the intent behind exchange program. Luke isn’t sent there to be a spy like Simeon probably was, because he’s pretty terrible at subterfuge. 

A tacit admission that Luke’s perspective is one commonly held by the denizens of the Celestial Realm. Simeon points out that it’s not entirely bad, and I’m inclined to agree.

And also an acknowledgement that the thinking is flawed and they’re willing to make an effort to expand their horizons (considered a good thing). So something has changed, and it’s probably connected to... well... Lucifer and his brothers falling. Or the Celestial Realm just isn’t a monolith and there’s competing viewpoints even with how their society is structured. It’d be interesting to hear what the brothers thought about demons before they became demons themselves, and how they adjusted to that transformation (we get insight on how Lucifer viewed them via Glory Days, but that’s it.)

The Devildom, in contrast, uh... still has problems in this area outside of Diavolo.

This is disregarding all the soul devouring, torture, and casual murder that goes on between demons -- including the brothers. Diavolo is well regarded, but he’s also been unofficially in charge for quite awhile and it doesn’t appear he thinks this is a problem, even though he himself doesn’t treat his subjects poorly (as far as I know, anyway).

Which brings me to this...

There’s a reason he doesn’t really have any close bonds beyond Barbatos and Lucifer, in spite of being universally beloved. And I’m not sure how well he knows Barbatos, honestly. He’s isolated, and it’s not entirely related to his position; Lucifer has been in a high status position in both realms and doesn’t have this problem and never really did in spite of being prickly and anal-retentive af. There’s been quite a bit of commentary in these lessons about how he’s changed and may be reverting back to his angelic tendencies, with Barbatos implying that while it may be good for him and his family, it may not be what’s best for the Devildom... and I think that’s a mindset carried over from his tenure serving under Diavolo’s dad and helping enforce the current state of the Devildom for a specific purpose. MC somehow turning Lucifer and his brothers back into good people (or better people, at least), and Diavolo being envious of their closeness, may interfere with that: the demons around them may start getting ideas, and Diavolo may make more changes.

So not all is well in the Devildom, either, and Diavolo may not be cognizant of how or why. While the Celestial Realm may be a militant society with authoritarian impulses and bigotry, the Devildom sounds like a corrupt monarchy with a dog-eat-dog world underneath that makes trust and love liabilities to survival and keeps the peasants where they are forever. It’s simply another brand of dysfunction.

Hoomans and MC

The Human Realm is probably meant to be some kind of middleground in the dark/bad - light/good spectrum, with its inhabitants having no impulses skewed one way or the other and thus possessing the ability to slide back and forth. 

Demons interact with the human world via being summoned, pacts, or simply travelling there. Manipulating them and preying on them involves magical speechcraft. The angels aren’t allowed to reveal their angel forms to humans, travel there without permission (though it seems the punishment for this wasn’t enough to deter Belphie/Beel/Lilith/Mammon), or magically extend their lifespans -- it seems they prefer to meddle in their affairs indirectly, and revolves around shepherding them towards certain (presumably good) decisions. Ironically enough, Michael himself seems to violate these tenets with Solomon, who is evidently aware of who gave him the demon-controlling ring and was invited to chill with him in the Celestial Realm. It’s do as I say but not as I do, apparently.  

The game seems to imply that it’s possible that MC inherited Lilith’s angelic tendencies/abilities/memories/whatever after the big reveal, which makes me think she may not have turned into a demon before she was reborn. There’s no reason to think she would have retained her angelic abilities as a demon when her brothers haven’t -- she presumably would have lost them before being reborn, if she was turned into a demon first. Diavolo might have just skipped that step altogether for simplicity’s sake.

But she did technically fall, so ???? Maybe it’s just literally falling from the sky.

tl;dr version: they’re all fucked up and the exchange program is a good way for them to try to get their shit together. And I like how it’s set up.

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

In this AU where Phineas is the author of the journals, does Ford just... not exist? Because I think there'd be something kind of poetic of him being the one to confront and eventually reform Phineas

Not gonna lie, I was wondering about that myself. I was kind of thinking that he probably did exist but never made it to Gravity Falls? Like Stan created the Mystery Shack free of any emotionally scarring backstories about missing brothers? And then even if Ford did eventually make it to Gravity Falls, once he realized Stan was already there, he would scram? Now that you bring it up, though, I really love the idea of Ford confronting Phineas. I feel like they’d get along really well -- arguably even better than Ford and Dipper, if only because Phineas wouldn’t view him as some sort of celebrity or god (which is not a knock on Dipper and Ford’s relationship at all because I do love it but this is definitely a different vibe). 

But that begs the question of how Ford plays into this if he didn’t write the journals. Did he write anything? Did he leave Stan any type of clue on how to bring him back? Did he end up in the other dimension at all? I’m gonna just kinda write out thoughts as they enter my brain as I usually do; that’s how most of these asks get answered lmao and hopefully it forms a coherent backstory under the cut but no promises

Maybe Ford was the first of the main characters to end up at Gravity Falls. He would still presumably be interested in the supernatural, and he’d definitely be drawn to somewhere like this. But no one would believe anything he says about it, so this is more for his personal gain that anyone else’s, which means he doesn’t have to write out everything he sees and learns. He just writes the things he thinks are the most important, which leaves one journal. That would presumably be the one he gives to Stan, and he asks Stan to never let it out of his sight but to keep it as far away from Gravity Falls as possible. The same fight ensues with the same outcome, and now it’s just Stan and the book. 

The only problem is that the book isn’t complete. Ford only wrote down little details that he didn’t want to forget, and everything in there operates under the assumption that the reader knows everything that he knew -- which, obviously, is not the case. The instructions to open the portal are probably in here somewhere, but Stan can’t understand a word it says. So instead of pouring over the journals, he spends his nights exploring the town and hoping to find all the secrets that Ford never wrote into the journal, because he’s convinced that’s going to be all it takes to open it again. He doesn’t realize that none of the bullshit about zombies and gnomes and the hide-behind matters. All he needs is Bill, but Ford never wrote about Bill because he was so captivated by the guy, he knew he wouldn’t forget any of it. 

And that’s the really important part -- this is all centered around Bill. Ford has more experience with him than anyone else on earth. Dipper can’t reach Phineas because he’s always viewed Bill as the enemy, but Ford knows exactly how Phineas feels because he was right there too. He fell for Bill’s charm and his cocky attitude and his godly powers just like Phineas did, and he paid the price. And if Phineas refuses to let Bill go -- to let his endless summer go -- that’s fine. Ford can’t force him to. But he’ll stay right here with him, because he learned the hard way that once you get sucked into Bill’s mess, you’ve already lost your friends and family and there’s no way to get them back. He’ll stay right here and be the friend that Phineas needs when it all goes south. 

And tbh I don’t think think it would be the first-hand account that would do it for him. He’s going to assume that Ford is lying or exaggerating, because Bill would never hurt someone like that. It wouldn’t be the threat of losing everyone he loves, because he has idealized versions of them in his neverending summer dream, and, of course, he has Bill, the best friend he could ever ask for. No, the thing that convinced Phineas that maybe he’s on the wrong side here is the fact that Ford is willing to drop everything and stay here with him. Phineas had been nothing but rude to him this whole time, and Ford still sat down on the ground next to him and refused to move. He gained nothing from that, but he did it anyway, and no one does anything that selfless and completely useless if they don’t feel like they have to -- if they’re not so completely haunted by their own past that they have to feel like they’re helping, even if there’s nothing they can do. 

[bigskydreaming]

@lwoorl

indigo-glasto Fuente: bigskydreaming so what you're saying is next time i write dick under the influence of fesr gas i should make him see himself killing his family or maybe just believing that if someone touches him they'll die and then running away from everyone so they dont get hurt noted

Copying your tags for this post since they spell out one of the exact scenarios I default to for this, lol.

I mean, pretty much the latter is how I tend to view it, yeah. Like, I think when he was still growing up, there was a lot more variation and he saw y’know, people falling, or various villains that had been responsible for his traumas, like a lot of other people do under the influence of fear gas. But by the time he’s an adult, most specifically at any point after Blockbuster/Chemo, I think this pattern has recurred enough in his life that its kinda crystallized as what I laid out there. And so as an adult, I think his standard reaction to fear gas is like....a fucked up game of Keep-Away, where he’s desperately intent on getting and staying as far away as possible from his family, friends, innocents, etc....until the effects of the gas wear off.

Problem is, without having the specifics of what Dick’s seeing and why he’s reacting the way he is....its absolutely understandable that the rest of the Batfam, based on their own various reactions to fear gas, would likely assume that he’s running away from them because the fear gas is twisting how he sees them. They assume he’s viewing various villains or dangers in their place, and that’s what he’s running away from. So it might simply just not occur to them that he’s the threat, the danger, the problem that has to be isolated....to protect everyone else. 

Something somewhat tangential to this, but still related, is the fact that there’s canon references to Dick having at one point been a candidate for Hal’s Green Lantern ring. And a central part of the Green Lantern mythos is that Green Lanterns aren’t chosen because they don’t feel or experience fear, have nothing they’re afraid of....rather, they’re chosen for their ability to overcome fear, to not be motivated or driven by it.

So in a way, I still see that as somewhat relevant to Dick’s characterization here.....because obviously Dick has fears, beyond just what I’ve outlined in my headcanons here...but to me it makes a certain kind of sense that like Green Lanterns, Dick’s primary response to fear gas isn’t even just a reaction/him being motivated by fear itself.....his reaction is the bone-deep desperation to protect people from what it is he fears....himself.

And theoretically, this opens up a lot of opportunities to explore his character and his relationships with the rest of his family in other ways too. For instance, all it really requires is one occasion where one of his family, while pursuing him to try and contain him or give him an antidote, ends up in the right place at the right time to hear him say something or react to them in just the specific right way - that it clarifies for them that all these times, he’s not running away from them because he sees them as a threat to him, he’s running away because he sees himself as a threat to them.

Because suddenly that casts a whole lot of other things that they tend to assume about him in a totally different light. For instance, various characters in canon often point out his constant relocations, especially right after a trauma, crisis or conflict of some kind, and condemn this as his habit of ‘running away from his problems.’ But looked at through the lens of ‘he views himself as the problem, the single common denominator at the root of all these various traumas/conflicts that hurt others as much if not more than him (in his POV)’.....and suddenly everything flips. Because if Dick’s true greatest fear is that he himself is the problem in everyone’s lives, the thing that doesn’t fit, the gum in the works.....then his constant relocations aren’t him running away from his problems, they’re him running away from whomever he thinks he’s a problem for.

Its always struck me as odd that people so habitually refer to Dick as a people person and someone who seeks and takes comfort from others, being surrounded by people he cares about.....and yet default to viewing every time he isolates himself from those very same people as somehow an inherently selfish act (ie ‘running away from his problems instead of facing them like an adult’). 

That doesn’t really track to me, because if being surrounded and comforted by people he loves and values is what’s ideal for him, what he truly needs or craves....then how does removing himself from their presence so many of the times he’s hurt or traumatized or struggling....make things better for him? IMO, it doesn’t....its just I don’t think that’s what’s actually driving his thought processes at those times, what he’s prioritizing. He’s doing it because he’s more focused on doing what he thinks is best for them.

And to be clear, I’m not suggesting all of this as evidence that Dick is just so inherently noble or more selfless than other characters and blah blah blah, lol, since that kinda would defeat the whole point of that post I made yesterday about how I’m not a super-fan of emphasizing his innate goodness as like, what ‘defines’ him. 

All of this, to me, has just as much to do with a lack of self-esteem/insecurity about himself and his own worth comparative to what he feels his loved ones deserve. If you look at the pattern of Dick’s conflicts with his family and friends over the years too, in addition to this, one of the most common denominators that pops out there is that a huge underlying source of conflict for him.....is literally just...his insecurity about how they see/value him, his place in their eyes/lives. 

Him not knowing where he stands with them, basically, and so defaulting to assuming the worst and operating based off that assumption. Hence why Dick equates the two times Bruce didn’t want him as Robin anymore as being the same thing as Bruce not wanting him around at all, Dick’s need for a tangible sign of how Bruce views him via an official adoption, how he retreats when family or friends he’s reached out repeatedly to keep rejecting his help or contact....its not necessarily ‘sulking’ so much as insecurity as to whether their rejection stems from not seeing him or his help/contact as worth anything, etc.

Dick, IMO, is someone who deep-down values being needed, just, in any way. Like, I think he’s literally internalized that as being a big part of his purpose, or just his very reason for existing. He doesn’t see a scenario, a life path for him that isn’t about helping other people....being of help to other people....because you gotta remember, this is a guy who since his literal formative years as a child, has defined himself by his vigilantism, by his service to others, his protection and guardianship of others. 

But the inevitable flip side of that, to me, is that when he doesn’t see any indication that his help is wanted or needed or valued by the people he most wants to value it, the people he most wants his presence to be a help to.....that’s when he starts to flounder, to spiral....because it makes him doubt what he’s even doing there...and if he’s even wanted there, or should even be there. And when nothing changes or something else happens to make him conclude that he shouldn’t be there, that he’s become more hindrance than help.....he goes elsewhere.

[saltyaro]

topsydead a réagi à votre billet “Arophobia and the ace community: a few bullet points”

I'm alloace. I haven't seen this behavior in other alloaces but it is concerning and I accept the call to action. It's clear that people don't understand the SAM and don't acknowledge aros. What can I do to help?

You probably don’t realize you see it because you’re not the...target? of arophobia, but I would be very surprised if you’ve actually never encountered it! Maybe you’re really lucky.

I’m glad you’re willing to challenge this habit, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to give you concrete advice. I’ll try though.

From my point of view, because ace people are oppressed under our society’s assumption that everyone feels sexual attraction, and are often seen as subhuman because of that, there’s this kinda desperate desire to be seen as still valuable “despite” the lack of sexual attraction. As a result, alloaces kinda rely on their romantic attraction to gain “approval” from other people and society. That’s because romance is seen as the most important thing in people’s lives, so, from an ace’s point of view, it makes sense to...double efforts, to “make up” for the lack of sexual attraction? I think it’s important to first realize “why” amatonormativity and arophobia are so rampant within alloace’s communities. Of course, that it’s something understandable, doesn’t mean it should stay that way. That’s my hypothesis on the matter: not necessarily that the alloaces’ arophobia is stronger than in the general population but rather, that the emphasis on romance and amatonormativity is pushed more obviously. If that makes sense. So, the arophobia is extremely visibly and harmful to us (especially because of our shared spaces).

So yeah that’s the way I do things, I try to understand the systems behind things. This is the first step, now what to do?

I’d say, try to train yourself to recognize the assumptions of romance. Try to do a parallel with the sexual assumptions, the systems are very similar. Not going to lie, this is gonna be difficult, because amatonormativity is very strongly ingrained in us, to the point where we perpetuate it without ill intent. It’s pretty sneaky. For an example, you can take the sentences like “we can still love!” as part of this shit. The concept of soulmates, is another instance (yes, even when people try to argue soulmates can be platonic, doesn’t change anything). Or, the constant invisibilization of aroaces/using them as tokens. Everyone’s different, but as a general way of thinking, it’s pretty disrespectful to assume aroaces prioritize their ace identity and will relate to alloace posts. Idk, I’m not ace (i used to identify as aroace though) so it may not be my place, but back when I was in the ace community, everything just seemed so...focused on being in a romantic relationship while ace. It’s not bad to have these resources, they’re needed, but if your blog/activism focuses on that, then it’s not “ace activism” but “alloace activism”. Nothing wrong with that, just, don’t pretend any ace can relate. Aroaces can’t, and I’m sure a lot of non-Sam aces can’t either. Basically, does the post (or anything of the sort) assume “ace” means “alloace”? If yes, then it’s alienating. 

Those behaviours are also harmful to non-ace aros, of course. Because we’re sibling-communities, and (allo?)aces have more visibility than us. If someone places romance over any other kind of relationship, this is amatonormative. Beware of that, don’t ignore it. Obviously no one can be on edge 24/24 but it would be nice to have some alloaces challenge those thoughts!

Basically, before you can do anything, I think it would be useful to read through some aro blogs! There’s mine of course, but I’m a non-sam aro so it could be cool to also read from aroaces and alloaros. We all have different experiences with the ace community. 

Challenging those thoughts takes a lot of work. Stop putting romance on a pedestal, challenge any relationship hierarchy that pretends to be universal - it’s fine if it’s personal I guess but not if it’s supposed to be the norm - and challenge the very idea that what makes us humans is love. Regardless of the type of love I’d say. 

As another example, when you have an ace character in some kind of media with no explicit romanticism...don’t assume they’re alloace. If you know the content the character it’s from, read critically. Maybe there’s no answer but there often is. I’m thinking Jughead, who’s either non-sam ace or aroace, but without romantic feelings anyway. When shitterdale straightwashed him a lot of people were like “he can still be ace! We can still love!” when...yeah, but he’s supposed to be aro to. The “ace” part wasn’t what we were worried about. Same thing happened with (I think, don’t take my word on that) Raphael from Sh/adow hunte/rs, and again, the alloace community rejoincing for the ace rep. How shitty is it to rejoice over the erasure of an aro character? This second example wasn’t great rep from the start apparently, but yeah. Still an asshole move. I also think it’s important to be critical of how all ace rep either is, or is washed to be, alloace rep. Alloace rep is cool and important, but not at the expense of aroaces. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that aro characters aren’t made to be alloaros so there’s definitely a double standard. Bo/jack for an example, “became” alloace when a lot of aroaces related to him at first. That’s what he was coded as but the ace community pushed against it and the creator decided to make him allo (probably in good faith!). 

So yeah, maybe try to react when alloaces get angry when people draw pride art and. Draw the ace flag as a single person, because again “ace” doesn’t mean “alloace”. The “ace” community is shared by allo aces, non-sam aces, and aroaces. 

Please be aware if you see di/s/k h/orse things, when ex/clusio/nism is discussed, of the aromantic erasure that always happens. Even when the ex/cl/u mentions aros, the inc/lu’s answer systematically ignores that part. There was this survey last year, on this topic, and it was shown that people who include aces do not necessarily include aros. Of course, I didn’t see any alloace mention that, even though they showed the results to be all “see everyone/most people think(s) we belong!”. Without mentioning that very important and very telling aspect. I would have loved it if an alloace had mentioned it, and had tried to open a discussion about it! But I didn’t see it happen. I know this is a very specific example, but basically, I think what would be nice, would be for some alloaces to stick for us aros whenever something like that happens. I’m not saying to actively look for such things, but if you follow ace blogs, you’re going to see it happen. 

Oh and also, I don’t know what’s your stance on this, so I’m going to write it just in case but. “Aspec” means aro + ace. It comprehends everyone: non-sam aro, non-sam aces, aroaces, allo aros, and allo aces. It’s not the same as “acespec”! It’s really erasing us aros whenever someone uses “aspec” to mean “acespec”, it’s alienating us from our own community. There’s the aro community, the ace community for our specific, different needs, but the aspec community is supposed to be our shared community so. Definitely “call out” (by that I mean comment on) people who do that! They may not have bad intents but the result is still here, and it’s just. Spreading everyday, and pushing aros further under the bus.

So yeah all it boils down to is, try and comment/reblog posts that antagonize us? Within the limits of your energy and mental health of course. And maybe try to spread knowledge about what amatonormativity is (I have a tag but you can also google it, there’s an easy to find definition), why it’s harmful, and how it operated, within the ace community. As an alloace, maybe you’ll get more attention than aros (whether we’re also ace or not, people don’t listen to us). I personally think it would benefit everyone (including alloaces) to get rid of amatonormativity but for now, pointing it out - whether for yourself or in a more public manner - should be a good beginning. 

I...hope this answers your question? 

[astrox-style22]

X FILES  HOROSCOPE JANUARY 19TH - 25TH

ARIES

MONEY: This is a week, with the New Moon in Aquarius to act and think outside of the box.  Nothing conventional will do.    If you’re willing to take a risk with your hopes and wishes, the results could very unexpected and to your liking.  Also realizing it’s time to leave certain”friends”’ behind that you’ve outgrown and hold you back.   The Universe is ready and waiting to bring in new people to fill the void.

SEX:   You don’t always play by the rules when it comes to love, but this week, although you’ll sill act on impulse, do it in way that is a pleasant surprise for your partner.

POWER: If you want to succeed, separate yourself from the “pack’ and chart a more individual course on a path less trodden.

TAURUS

MONEY: Career and goals need to change and this could very well occur this week.   If you have any new ideas or insights that can be used to make this area of life better, you should go ahead and implement them.    However, you may find yourself taking a small step forward  because of being held back by old debts, disappointments and past mistakes.   Nonetheless,  one step is better than none at all , so you should continue to forge ahead, leaving as much as the old behind as possible.

SEX: Try to have a broader perspective of love and what can be achieved.   If you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again without realizing what they are, it will be hard to find happiness.   The answer lies within your beliefs about love, passed down from parents.

POWER: Restructuring your life starting with career, goals and ambitions may seem to be a daunting task, but it can be done.   If you can be more determined, assertive and focused on what needs to be done, you’ll not only surprise yourself but everyone else too.

GEMINI

MONEY: This is a week of sudden cathartic changes which sooner or later prove to be positive or fortunate, depending on whether or not you’ve been operating on the right side of Natural Law.   If you’re careful not to take unreasonable gambles  with the aspect of the New Moon in Aquarius, outcomes will be positive, bearing in mind you can’t always trust the luck to be long -lasting.   If you’ve been doing things on the wrong side of Natural Law, you could experience a dramatic loss or upset, especially connected to legal matters and anything connected to other cultures/countries.

SEX: Putting a little bit more extra effort into your partner, paying attention to their needs will definitely have a positive affect and bring you both closer together.

POWER: If you’re lucky enough to experience the benefits of the New Moon in Aquarius this week, progressive actions will be rewarded and certain tensions you’ve been experiencing will ease.   The writing is on the wall, indicating a new job, home, life-style and friends is on the horizon.    Be prepared for unexpected surprises.

CANCER

MONEY: Somehow you have to find a way to transform unique ideas into symbolic gold.    There are a lot of things you want to accomplish, but need to organize them and pick the ones that will be the most viable, profitable and fulfilling - not necessarily in that order.   More independent thinking an action will get you further, taking a break from tradition that is holding you back.

SEX: If you or your partner’s needs are not being served in current relationships then you must discuss what you want to do about it.   It’s not too late to be more aware of what you both want, but the question is whether or not you care enough to change behavior.

POWER: Beware of individuals who are over-emotional  wanting to cause conflict.    This is a week to confront things that have been bothering you on a deep level, but gently.   Caution and patience will spare you disappointment later. Don’t try to change everything overnight.

LEO

MONEY Opportunities to be in front of the public should be well thought through, with a need to deepen and broaden mental horizons before saying anything,.  At least if you want to gain public support and attention in a positive way for projects/ideas you’re trying to promote.

SEX: You and your partner need to redefine boundaries so that you can each be more of your own person in the context of the relationship. If you want to get to know someone new, your significant other should know that you want to explore “greener pastures”.   Being honest will spare them the hurt and you from creating karma.

POWER: Thinking before you speak, realizing it’s not what you say, but how you say it that matters, will help to influence peoples support for your objectives.

VIRGO

MONEY: Genius moments connected to work and the implementation of fresh new ideas could catapult you into the forefront of the public, positively changing the way people perceive you.  At the same time, unexpected news could solve a current crisis/dilemma holding back prosperity in many ways.  If you’ve been planning and working on anew project, bear in mind, how you present Self and the project could arouse public attention and recognition.   This is the week to put words into action and make every word count.

SEX: As your foundation of life changes so will your love-life change for the better, assuming that you and your partner are on the same page of focus in terms where you want the relationship to go.

POWER: Wit so much going on in the area of work this week, there’s danger of scattering energies in too many directions.   This is where meditation will come in handy to keep you in peaceful balance and harmony with the Universe as you move forward.

LIBRA

MONEY: This is the week to reconsider the direction you’re moving towards with creative projects and sharing them with the world.    If the chance comes to try a new opportunity, think first before you leap forward, it may not be as positive as it appears on the surface and end up in misfortune.   At the same time change of job is written in the stars, if it hasn’t already happened.  You maybe thrust in the forefront of attention, but only for a short-time.  The question to ask, is whether or not the the opportunity is one that enables you to take three steps forward one backwards, because if this is the case, how far back are you going?

SEX: Your significant other may want to take a breather from the relationship or just spend less time together.   This isn’t a bad thing, but you should still talk to them about it, so you understand the reason behind this decision.

POWER: A great deal of what you’ve been working towards could come to fruition this week, while at the same time, it could be the opposite affect because at some point you took a detour that changed a positive outcome to your efforts.  Either way, the main thing is, lessons learned from events that take pace this week.  Taking note, it’s not too late to change course again, but this tine time with more discernment.

SCORPIO

MONEY: Changes to your foundation of life and living conditions will have an affect on your ability to expand horizons.  This shape-up, will in a way help to open the door for many opportunities to emerge, which wile positive as long as you don’t get involved with sudden emotional conflicts with others who don’t serve your hopes and wishes.  There could be success with pr, media and advertising.

SEX: Try to keep emotions evenly balanced and avoid sudden confrontations with your partner that are unnecessary.

POWER: Changes of diet, feeling mood and certain health issues could make you feel off-balance and unprepared to be prepared for opportunity when it knocks.    Therefore there is a need to be awake, alert and more focused than usual.

SAGITTARIUS

MONEY: Your restless, creative mind is always full of new ideas and this week will be no exception.   You can’t just talk about ideas this week, you have to be wiling to put your words to good use and get projects off the ground.  The more unique they are, the more successful they will be.  

SEX: Don’t make assumptions about your partner that are unfounded they won’t appreciate it.   Probably better to keep your opinions to yourself.

POWER: If you’re presenting anything to the public or involved with media, pr or advertising, make sure the people you’re working with are on the same page so disaster can be averted.   If they’re not able to have abrader perspective of how to present you and your ideas to the public, find someone else.  There are people out there.

CAPRICORN

MONEY: If you have been following the cycles of the stars in the last few months, you’ll realize and feel this is the week to start implanting new unique money-making ideas.  The more creative the better.  As a result you’ll have to restructure areas of life to suit this new influx of prosperity.  This is not a time to vacillate/procrastinate because this is a year of retrogrades with very little opportunity to start new things after January, not until the end of the year.   Time waits for no man, plus you have Jupiter in your sign, so there’s not excuse.

SEX: With so much going on in your life, there maybe little time for love this week, but this is only temporary.  if you explain things to your partner they’ll help you get things in order and streamlined, so you’ll still  have time for each other.

POWER: Don’t forget to dress for success, this is your secret weapon, not to be ignored.  As you start this successful new cycle, people will be watching, so you can’t afford to not be prepared and make your presence memorable.

AQUARIUS

MONEY: The New Moon in your sign this week gives a powerful boost of getting things done that have been outstanding for sometime.  It may seem as if there’s not enough time in the day to do what you have to do, causing stress, but the Universe is on your side.  New people that come into your life at this time, to help complete projects already started, will prove to be the catalyst for new partnerships and new beginnings to expand horizons.

SEX: Avoid allowing your partner to trigger emotions that end up in conflict, it’s not necessary at al. Listen and try a different approach of being more understanding and willing to support.

POWER: Intense persistence that you’ve exerted over the last few months will show signs of paying off and overcoming difficulties you’ve been faced with for sometime.   Ultimately, you’ll also realize there’s a need to change your manner of  of expression.

PISCES

MONEY: This is a week to overcome sorrow and self-undoing, if you’ve been paying attention to the way things have been going up to now.  Now is the time to be in action to start new ideas or business, especially if they’re of a visuall nature, this is the week to do it.   The stars are aligned in your favor to outdo everyone, including yourself, making drastic unexpected changes.  A chance to be a trendsetter.

SEX: You might be ready for a change but your partner may not.    This should not hold you back, because you have to move forward.   Perhaps by discussing things with your significant other they’ll understand and be supportive while you keep going.  However, there is the chance they may get left behind.  New relationships that cone into your life this week will challenge existing ones.

POWER: Pay attention and avoid wrong judgement this week.  Your creative awareness will be at tis peek, helping you to make tremendous strides forward. Opportunities that emerge may not pay-off right away, but will most definitely in the months ahead.  Find the courage to move into “uncharted waters”.

[randomactuallywrites-57]

A Moment

Title: A Moment Author: randomwriter57 Rating: G Word Count: 3,055 Event + Prompt: @sormikweek day one - Joy/Sadness (Rain) Notes: i can't believe it's already sormikweek again! it's been a whole year since i posted my first toz fic. honestly, i can't believe it. anyway, this one came from watching too much Say Yes to the Dress with my mum. enjoy!

Summary: Sorey has been waiting for the right moment. The weather doesn't feel like co-operating with him.

Also on: AO3

Sorey has been thinking about this for a long time.

Maybe it’s only because he’s prone to over-thinking, but he feels as though every detail needs to be perfect. With his friends giving him “advice” on how best to go through with this, too, he keeps coming up with new ways in which this might be entirely messed up. If he could ask Mikleo, this would surely go exactly to plan.

Except that’s the point: he can’t ask Mikleo.

Mikleo is the one he’s proposing to, after all.

Sorey is trying to keep it on the down-low. No big parties, no fireworks, no extravagant professions of love in the form of Asgardian sonnets. It’ll only be him and Mikleo, alone together, and a moment. Hopefully the right moment.

Sorey doesn’t know what he’ll do if it isn’t the right moment.

He and Mikleo have waited long enough, in his opinion, to make things official. In the words of Rose, they’ve practically been married since birth, but it would be nice to be able to tell people they are married. Having a “lover”, he’s found, has connotations of the relationship being a temporary one. With marriage, there’s an assumption that the couple will stay together, through thick and thin, for the rest of their lives.

(Of course, that’s not always how it works. It would be much simpler if his view of marriage was one shared by the world, but the world is complicated. In any case, it’s the sentiment that matters most. Mikleo will appreciate that.)

Besides he’s done his research. In his youth, he read every book in Elysia and coerced every piece of information from the Encyclopaedia of Gramps. Now a young adult, all he wants is to spend the rest of his life at Mikleo’s side, no matter what.

A wedding, rings, vows - once he asks the question, it will be real. Part of him can’t wait, despite himself.

He prepares in advance. He takes Lailah and Rose to help him pick out a ring, the former because she’s known them the longest, and the latter because she has a good eye for quality. After a long day of trawling through every jewellery shop in Ladylake, Sorey is ready to suggest they leave it for the day when he sees it: a beautiful gold band inlaid with sapphires, the gold swirling around the gem to highlight it. The ring is subtle, elegant and refined, perfect for a man who fits the same description.

It rests in a white box at the bottom of his bedside drawer, underneath all the stuff Mikleo has no need to go through, burning a hole in his consciousness.

He’s already decided where he’ll do it, too: near the Mt Mabinogio Ruins in Elysia, where the sky expands endlessly and they both treasure memories of their lives up until now. The excuse will be that they’re visiting Gramps. Since they live in Ladylake now, they don’t see him as often as they once did. Gramps is in on it, and he’s promised not to interfere.

They’ll go out to the cliffside, watching the sun slowly set, and Sorey will turn to Mikleo.

Then he’ll do it.

At that point, all he can hope is that Mikleo wants the same thing he does: a life spent at each other’s sides, with matching titles to prove their love. Of course, he can’t help the shred of doubt in his head, making him wonder if Mikleo would want such commitment in his life.

Well, he’s going to find out eventually. He’s not going to leave it any longer.

Taking a deep breath, Sorey goes to ask Mikleo if he wants to visit Gramps.

Elysia doesn’t change much over the course of a year. Most of the time it’s beautifully sunny, with a calm breeze and a cooler climate than the cities beneath the mountains. They don’t get much snow in winter, and the heat isn’t excessive in summer. It’s a place of moderation and peace. Sorey couldn’t be happier to be back.

Except, when they arrive in Elysia, dark grey clouds fill the summer skies. Mikleo groans, his hands clenching the steering wheel of their shared car.

(Gramps got it for them, before they left for university. Sorey’s surprised it’s even lasted this long. Then again, he can only thank Zaveid for his help repairing it every time it breaks.)

“A summer storm?” Mikleo says. “In Elysia?”

“It’s unexpected, that’s for sure,” Sorey says, his hopes fading.

Mikleo pulls up outside Gramps’ house, and they head inside with their luggage, greeting Gramps at the door.

“I’ll take the luggage through to our room,” Mikleo says, taking their shared suitcase from Sorey and dragging it out of sight.

Gramps turns to Sorey. “When do you plan on asking him?”

Sorey bites his lip. With the weather like this, both he and Gramps know it won’t be any time soon. “When the rain lets up,” he says, though he’s not sure when the rain will even begin to fall.

Mikleo returns before Gramps has the chance to reply.

They enjoy a delicious meal together, catching up on the time that has passed since they last saw each other properly. Despite Sorey’s original plans being delayed, he can’t deny that it’s nice even just seeing and talking to Gramps again. That’s half the reason he’d wanted to do this in Elysia. This town is filled with memories and people they treasure. Getting to see them again is like killing two birds with one stone.

But even later, once they all head to bed, he can’t erase his worries from his mind. He sits on the edge of the bed nearest to the window, gazing out into the dark grey sky as Mikleo changes into his nightclothes behind him. Outside, the trees shake with the wind, bent over with the force of trying to stand against it. They seem a lot more tenacious than he feels, right now.

“Sorey.”

He turns to see Mikleo at the other side of the bed. Mikleo’s gaze does not waver, made harder than usual by concern.

Pulling his lips into a strained smile, Sorey says, “What’s up?”

Mikleo, of course, cannot be fooled by Sorey trying to act natural. “That’s what I should be asking you. There’s been something on your mind since we got here.”

There’s no getting out of this one. Sorey swallows a lump in his throat, then shakes his head. “It’s nothing. I’m just worried about the storm, is all.”

For a moment, Mikleo stands his ground, but he soon softens. His voice gains a teasing tone. “What, are you scared?”

“Huh? No way!” Sorey laughs. “Although, if you want to hold my hand to keep me safe, I wouldn’t say no.”

The Mikleo of a few years ago, back when they were awkward teens with less experience in the romance department, would have blushed and stuttered in a way that Sorey always found hilariously adorable. Nowadays, the gorgeous laugh he gives is far more satisfying.

Instead of holding his hand, Mikleo moves to sit on the bed, cupping his cheek to pull him in for a long, slow kiss. Now when his heart beats faster, it definitely isn’t a bad feeling.

“Seriously though,” Mikleo says when they part. “If there’s something up, you can tell me.”

“I know.” Sorey presses his forehead against Mikleo’s. Somewhere along the line, his hand has become caught in Mikleo’s hair, and he strokes through it, happy to find it loose from its usual high ponytail. “I’m just worried in case something happens, like if someone’s roof caves in, or if there’s a rock slide. It’s nothing.”

Mikleo lets out an exasperated puff of breath. “That won’t happen. Even if it turns out to be a big storm, everyone will be okay.”

As Mikleo pulls him in for another kiss, all Sorey can hope is that he is right.

Unfortunately, as it turns out, that quote about ‘the best laid plans’ turns out to be entirely right. Over the next couple of days, the ring burns a hole in his pocket as the rain continues to fall, grey clouds continuing their descent over the village. In addition, they’re both swept away by so many commitments that Sorey hardly sees Mikleo during those days. The only times they see each other are the evenings, when they sit down for dinner together with Gramps and fall asleep, exhausted, in each other’s arms.

With their visit only being planned as a week-long event, when five days pass with no action on Sorey’s part, he can’t help feeling like he’s running out of time. If he doesn’t find the time to ask Mikleo soon, he’s not sure he’ll ever work up the courage. The one thing he doesn’t want is for him to let this opportunity slip out of his grasp.

Perhaps that’s why he can’t sleep on the fifth evening. After tossing and turning for a while, he heads out into the night, alone. A cold wind bites at his skin, but it’s refreshing after the heat of his stressful thoughts. Besides, there’s no point in going back to get a jacket; the skies, though they still hold dark clouds, don’t look ready to rain down upon him just yet. If he can have a few minutes just to think this through and to make a new plan, maybe tomorrow he’ll have the courage to take Mikleo to one side and finally make his move.

The cliffside near the ruins is silent when he gets there. Not a soul is in sight, which allows him to relax for a while. Though he can’t see the vast expanse of stars, it feels nostalgic to come back here, knowing how many times he stood here with Mikleo throughout their childhood and adolescence.

A smile forms without thought on his lips at the memory of those times. He remembers lying with Mikleo on this cliff, cloud-gazing and dreaming of the huge world which lay outside their home village. Once, when they were twelve, they spent a night here with their favourite book, debating about the ruins nearby until their eyes couldn’t stay open any longer.

When they were fifteen, they’d shared their first kiss here, at the break of dawn. Mikleo had woken up earlier than usual, and Sorey also woke up, hearing him leave. He followed him here and joined him, and their tiredness made their emotions flow easily, breaking through the barriers of worry they’d unknowingly built.

Sorey lets out a long breath, closing his eyes as the wind envelops him, comforting him. It reminds him that everything will be alright, in the end. All he has to do is find that courage that brought him together with Mikleo in the first place and use it to take their relationship forward.

“You’re up late.”

The sudden sound of Mikleo’s voice surprises him. He turns around sharply, noticing his boyfriend standing a few feet away, his long hair tied back in a loose ponytail. Though he’s wearing his pyjamas, the jacket he wears over the top of them is far more sensible than the one Sorey left back at the house before heading out. Judging by the goose bumps forming on his arms, maybe he should have brought it after all.

“Mikleo,” he says. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“When you sleep next to someone for as long as we have, you tend to notice when the other person disappears,” Mikleo says with a shrug. “What’s wrong?”

Mikleo has always been far too perceptive of Sorey’s emotions. Though it’s part of what has made their relationship work for so long, he can’t help but feel a little silly that this situation has occurred.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he says. It’s not technically a lie, so it rolls off his tongue easily. “I thought the fresh air might help.”

“If all you needed was fresh air, you didn’t need to come all the way out here,” Mikleo points out.

“But you knew I’d be here,” Sorey says.

For a moment, Mikleo pauses. Letting his eyes fall, he says, “I just had a feeling, that’s all.”

With a rush of affection for his partner, Sorey heads over to stand by Mikleo, letting his hands fall on his waist. He touches their foreheads together, and their noses brush, cool against each other’s skin. “Don’t worry, I’ll be able to sleep better now.”

Mikleo smirks. “You might, yeah. But if you start grinding your teeth, you’ll be giving me a hard time.”

“Hey! There are plenty of better ways to give you a hard time.”

“Like what?”

A moment after asking the question, Mikleo seems to realise that it was the wrong one to ask, but it’s too late. Sorey grins impishly, and before Mikleo can push him away, he digs his fingers into Mikleo’s ribs, tickling the sensitive skin beneath his clothes. Mikleo squirms, trying to fight back, his own hands darting out to prod at Sorey’s abdomen. Even in tickle fights, they’re evenly matched, and Mikleo manages to get a few good attacks in there. Before Sorey realises it, he’s lost the upper hand, and he surrenders his laughter to Mikleo’s touch.

Suddenly, Mikleo stops, hovering by Sorey’s hips. “What’s this?” he asks breathlessly.

His hand hovers over Sorey’s pocket, where a box presses against the fabric, poking out in a completely unsubtle fashion.

“Er,” Sorey says succinctly. “It’s nothing.”

Mikleo looks up at him with a raised eyebrow. “If it’s nothing, you won’t mind telling me what it is. Right?”

Sorey averts his gaze, his teeth grazing his lip. “Okay, it’s something, but I don’t know if now is the time…”

“Sorey,” Mikleo says, grabbing his attention with a harsh tone. “If it’s important, just tell me. We don’t hide things from each other, do we?”

Those words scratch an old wound in Sorey’s heart, and he remembers the last time Mikleo said them to him. Back then, he’d promised himself he wouldn’t make Mikleo say them again.

“Okay,” he says. “I’ll tell you.”

He stands back, putting about a foot of distance between them.

“I meant to tell you this sooner, but the weather had other plans,” he says, fumbling in his pocket for the box. “Don’t freak out.”

Mikleo doesn’t answer, though the way his mouth stays open, ready to say something but never voicing his thoughts, tells him all he needs to know about Mikleo’s expectations for this.

But this is it. Now is the time.

They’re near the ruins but the sky is cloudy. The stars are hidden but they are alone. This moment exists for them.

It’s not perfect, but in a way, it is.

Grasping the box, Sorey lowers himself onto one knee.

“Being with you is pretty neat,” he says, pulling the box out of his pocket. “I want to stay with you for good. And this is probably the best way of doing that.”

It takes a moment of fumbling, but he gets the box open. When he holds it out, green eyes meet violet.

“Will you marry me?”

The moment those words come out of his mouth, a shower of rain comes from nowhere. Immediately they are both soaked, and Sorey hurries to close the ring box before it gets damaged-

Except a pair of cool, pale hands stop him, holding it open.

He looks up to find Mikleo right in front of him, eyes soft with emotion. There’s water in his eyes, and Sorey knows it’s not from the rain.

“Yes,” Mikleo says with a laugh. “Of course I’ll marry you, you dummy.”

Sorey feels weightless.

“Really?” he says in breathless disbelief.

Mikleo rolls his eyes and grabs his face, pressing a rain-soaked kiss to his lips. The brief taste is addicting, and Sorey tries to chase after him, craving his warmth. Mikleo pulls away before he can return the kiss. “I could hardly give you any other answer. Being with you is pretty neat, after all.”

The re-iteration of Sorey’s sloppy proposal makes him laugh, and Mikleo’s laughter joins his, their joy floating into the sky.

Their lips come together once more, the contact heating them up as the cool rain continues to crash around them, a symphony of nature coming to crown this joyous moment. In a way it feels fitting that it’s happened like this - Mikleo’s always been partial to rain, after all.

“I love you,” Sorey says when their lips part.

Mikleo’s grin, paired with the shining wonder in his eyes, is a beautiful sight to behold. “I love you too.”

It takes a few minutes for Sorey to remember the ring, and though the rain makes it troublesome to handle, he slides it onto Mikleo’s right ring finger, a perfect fit. At this moment, it feels all the more real. His heart swells with emotion, and he feels heat prickling at the corners of his eyes.

Similarly, Mikleo looks at the ring with a swirl of happiness and disbelief in his eyes, a tear falling down his cheek. When Sorey kisses the ring on Mikleo’s finger, he covers his mouth with his free hand whilst the other shakes in Sorey’s grasp.

“I’m so glad you asked,” he says when he gets his breath back, making Sorey meet his gaze once more. “I’ve thought about it a few times, but I could never work up the courage.”

Sorey’s heart melts. “You thought about proposing to me? You know I’d have said yes, right?”

Mikleo puts a hand into his hair, ruffling it affectionately. “I do now, obviously. But you must know how it feels.”

“Yeah, I put it off for a while. But it’s worth it.” Sorey stands back up, pulling Mikleo close. His left hand still holds Mikleo’s right one, his thumb grazing over the gold band. “Now I get to see you happy, with this ring on your finger, and to know we’ll be together from now on, too.”

With a happy hum, Mikleo surges forward to capture his lips again. With the two standing, drenched to the bone but more buoyant than a ship on open waters, Sorey can only smile.

There couldn’t have been a better, more fitting moment than this.

[goabrakadoodle]

Consider this question first. Do you have any idea how many bits of information our brains take in every second? 11 billion bits! Out of which we process maybe 50 to 150 bits, and then can consciously hold just about 5 bits in our minds on a good day. 11 billion bits down to just 5. What a waste.

This means we are walking around eliminating almost everything that we see, and retaining only what we want to see. We’ve become really good at it. Bundling all these bits together and trying to make sense out of it. Skimming the surface, as opposed to unearthing the nuggets that might be lying just underneath. All because we don’t have the time.

So the less time we have and the more familiar we are with a given situation, the more likely we are to just take a superficial scan of the information we have, snatch and grab the bits of information we need, and think with it.

Which perhaps is why hacks and short cuts have become so popular. And which is why we end up making a mess of everything we attempt to do. So obvious. Superficial information, superficial thinking, superficial result.

It’s time for a way out of this mess: Art Jamming teaches you to get the most out of your thinking. Helps you work and operate in a creative space with a creative mindset. This is important, because both decide whether you will be happy and enjoy what you do in life, or continue to feel anxious every time you are faced with an out of the ordinary problem you can’t solve.

Art Jamming is a process art driven program designed to unjam the mind. Think with the blinds off. It aims to create an experience that is inspiring, rejuvenating and invigorating.

What is also so good about our Art Jamming sessions is you don’t need to know anything about art or painting. Or know how to hold a paintbrush in your hand even. In fact, the less you know, the better will be the outcome.

Our art jamming program does not assume anything. It is an all-inclusive process that engages both sides of the brain, simplifies complexity and helps you see better, think better, and work smarter at any age. Art Jamming helps bring a creative mindset to life through play.

What is a creative mindset? While everyone does some kind of thinking and has tools to work with, the mistake most people make is reverting back to a ‘business as usual’ kind of mindset. Instead of bringing an efficiency driven creative mindset, we bring a listless, dull mind.  Atrophied thinking doesn’t solve problems, it create them.

A creative mindset is ageless. It is an orientation with which you approach life in general, and problems in particular. It is a lens through which you look at everything you face and have to contend with.

A creative mindset helps you to observe and see clearly the assumptions that you make. This is important because assumptions drive behaviours, actions and shape outcomes. Hence, being able to see clearly, and not what you want to see, is a big help when it comes to living and solving problems.

So for you to be able to get those positive outcomes you are looking for, you really need to be working on developing a creative mindset which we are now going to look at closely.

Pushing the limits There are three elements that combine to developing a creative mindset. They all overlap, and in the centre there is a fourth element which is further amplified by the fifth. Confusing? Let’s simplify it.

The first element is to feel comfortable with ambiguity. It is that sense of feeling OK when we don’t know what to do next. This state gives you the tension and freedom to explore and swim in possibilities and figure out or make up, what to do as you go along.

Your mind is open and energized to discover new ways of looking at things. You are no longer fearful of thinking differently. You are not prejudiced or approach problems with preconceived notions either. You also avoid the trap of shutting down your thinking and accepting the first solution that pops up in our mind because it makes us feel better.

Bear in mind, most of the initial ideas that bubble up are generally superficial as they are an outcome of superficial thinking. So be careful, and remember, dive deep. To find one great idea, you may need to come up with many ideas.

Learn to keep an open mind Developing and increasing your comfort levels with ambiguity is the first place to start. The second element is staying curious — outlandishly curious — because this is what allows the mind to leap over the tangled problems filled space and go beyond.

Remember, only a questioning mindset helps you challenge the status quo. Challenge the assumptions people make or you are making. Besides, curiosity is the perfect antidote to help you climb out of a hole or the thinking groove you are stuck in.

When you feel that you’re hitting your head against a brick wall. Or think you are coming up with a same solution to solve a different problem, it means you’ve reached the limits of your current capability. Curiosity will help you to get excited about what you might find on the other side.

Enabling you to push the limits, help you step out of the circle you have drawn around yourself. Take the leap.

Break the walls down To feel comfortable with ambiguity and kindle curiosity, you need to embrace the third element — playfulness. You’ve got to play with everything — play with outlandish ideas, play with people, play with colours, play with all possibilities.

Play helps you focus on the process, rather than on the outcome that you’re trying to get. Just observe what children do when they’re at play? When they are making up games, they don’t care about the final result. It’s always about keeping the game alive. Children are masters at working with an ‘infinite’ mindset. Go back to being a child. Play!

The playful mind is what allows you to foster experimentation and iteration and ensures the flow of ideas.

Like a child, you will be in the zone, engrossed in your own thoughts, ideas and feelings. In fact, you will begin to art jamin real-time.

This is the missing link when you’re thinking about solving a problem. The trouble is everyone takes thinking too seriously. And that is a mistake. Because it puts everything under great strain and stresses every one out. Sure, breakthrough thinking is kind of hard, but there is nothing to stop it from being fun!

Finding the soul At the centre of all three of the elements we talked about, is the fourth – its purpose is to be generative. It is at the heart of the creative mindset. It is very much about bringing something new into being. Which means, the mind is optimistic, it’s generous. It is refreshing. It’s about feeling better and making life better.

So always come at the problem from a generative space. While, that’s enough on its own, it is not enough when you are working to be creative in a space that is full of stakeholders with different agendas and viewpoints. In other words, you are being told to apply and perform using a “business as usual(BAU)”approach and rewarded accordingly.

While BAU is useful if you are working with something that is a known quantity that already exists, it is utterly useless if you are asked to solve a new problem in a new space. It will not give you the outcomes of resourcefulness, agility, collaboration and creativity you are seeking.

Adding the fifth element To be creative in a human-centric way, you need to add one more element. And studies consistently show that this element actually amplifies creativity. If you want to be more creative, if you want to expand your creative mindset, then you need to add empathy.

You need to be able to look at things from different perspectives and to understand other people’s points of view. Understand what a problem means? And why a problem matters? Because it’s only then you’re going to come up with meaningful solutions that really create the value that you’re after.

So, if you want to get the most out of your thinking and out of any creative approach, the most critical factor to consider is to come at it by combining  a calm, collected mindset, and with empathy. This is more often than not, the missing link found in thinking in general, and corporate think in particular. It is sad but true.

Art Jamming in real-time

Art Jamming is a free for all session. Whatever you draw or paint, whatever the subject matter, it may not look like something you’d instantly recognize. But wait, there are two interesting bits of good news here.

One, all of us can draw and paint. It is a skill anyone can learn at any age. And two, at the end of our Art Jamming session, you will walk away knowing that you not only can draw and paint, but also discover that you have had a creative bent of mind all along, you just didn’t realize it.

You are primed to solve any problem life might want to throw at you.

Make the world a better place

Art Jamming sessions at abrakadoodle helps you feel comfortable and work with ambiguity; helps develop curiosity; demonstrates the advantages of being playful;and shows how to generate ideas that are driven by empathy. That’s what Art Jamming with us will be all about.

Remember, the underlying principles you learn from our Art Jamming sessions can be applied to resolve any problem or situation. It will not only help you excel at work but also to experience what living life to its fullest feels like.  You will learn to nurture and actualize your creative thinking capabilities in real-time.

This level of confidence is a nice feeling and will make great things happen to your life, in excelling at work, and in building relationships. Art Jamming will help you see the world with new eyes. Rethink the way you think.

[vroenis]

Hiding In Plain Sight [2]

Content Warning: Mental Health - read between the lines. I'm still not sure how explicit we can be in this space.

I don't know if I'll bother dropping an image here, in some ways it might be easier to hide by just smashing out a slab of text. Hiding is easy. I'm here. I've always been here. I've been here the whole time. Everyone who ever left was always here - and there - the whole time - and then you all say the same things and the rest of us who know always say the same things we always say when you say the things you always say because we always we know. Because we're always here.

Everything you need to know is here, and anything that isn't here you can ask me about. Time, energy and comprehension. I had a conversation with someone recently about defining things people keep repeating until they lose meaning, specifically "slipping between the cracks" - that you - as in You specifically, so when you say that, you need to turn it into I, as in *I*, *Me*, I need to interrogate what that actually means. What are the cracks? What does it mean for someone - who? specifically? - to slip between them? Why does that happen? We talk about it like an inevitability because we make the assumption that it happens, that it will happen. That's us absolving ourselves of responsibility - not that there was nothing we could do, that there was nothing we wanted to do. There was nothing we did. It wasn't our responsibility. It was...

Systemic.

A word that has been imbued with magic in this, the year 2021 - systemic - a magical word that removes us as individuals from systems so that systems can be Bad Things™ but Things that no we don't participate in because we couldn't possibly. That's pretty hypocritical given the intro I just gave regardless of the fact that I sit squarely on one clearly marked side of that fence. Isn't it. So am I going to offer solutions? Is that my job? After I jeer at you, poke you, shitstir and provoke, beg or criticise, or commentate at all, do I have a responsibility to do your thinking for you? Do I have to summon the energy beyond what it's taking me to survive and navigate the structures of the world built for you to tell you how it's so stringent for me? I still haven't figured out whether that day is today, yet.

I know what I want;

To be understood

To be subject to constant and varying stimulus

To have opportunities and the energy to translate my experiences into abstractions

To collaborate with others to destroy my expressions and turn them into something new

To have opportunities to experience the expressions of others

To have opportunities be generous with my time, resources, abilities and knowledge

To lift up others

I thought very hard about the word Justice in that last point and yea it's a dicey one.

So there's a lot to be said about what order those are in, what priority I put on them - can I achieve some of them first or without achieving others - will I achieve some by achieving others. The most important one is clearly

To be understood

no question. There’s no shallowzenbullshitting your way into achieving everything else and then thru doing that, you’ll be understood. I totally get that yes, by doing a lot of other shit in life, I may find that people will come to understand me, or the usual bullshit “different people may come to understand me to different degrees” bullshit which is always true rah rah, but I’ve no problem being straight with you and stating that the demand to be understood is a stringent and comprehensive one. It is a demand and it’s demanding. I’m not here to fuck around. As discussed, nebulous statements society throws around, let’s discuss “everyone wants to be loved” which probably more or less remains true somewhat, for a long time I coupled that with “that usually means or translates to everyone wants to be understood” except I don’t think that’s true at all and also I don’t think people comprehend what that means.

Except I wouldn’t know and I don’t care. Maybe they do and that’s great or maybe they don’t and that’s also great. If we ever get to talk about it, maybe you can tell me and then I’ll know, or maybe we won’t and then I won’t and that’s fine. I don’t know what people’s concerns in life are. Like most of us, it’s probably survival and like I keep saying - Survival Kills™. I absolutely don’t mind if folks don’t take the time to figure out whether they understand one-another or not and how important that is. I figure for a lot of folks, if they get along, that’s good enough and that’s fair. As for me, I don’t know if it’s the bipolar, the autism, how my personality washes out or the great combination of the lot, I want to be understood. That is what I want. Part and parcel of that is Understanding Others, and you may ask why it isn’t its own point on the list is because it’s effectively the operative core of everything else in life - understanding my experience is effectively everything else. Nowhere in there, I’ve just realised, is there any specificity of enjoyment. I'm not really interested in any metric of joy. The expressions of others, for example, are often going to be as much about struggle and pain as they are about achievement and euphoria. There’s a very sincere component about that that I’d say I would enjoy, but I don’t think that’s abstract and I think most people would understand that. It’s not sadistic, it’s not revelling in the pain in others, that’s not what I mean and I think you know that - it’s about sharing in experiences, the same way that when you share your pain, your suffering and challenges with someone, or you work through difficulties with someone who gives support and you feel supported, there’s a sense of positivity to that shared experience. Collaboration isn’t just about empowerment, there’s a more nuanced aspect to its positivity that comes from that sense of being shared.

Sharing is what I’ve been missing having disappeared for some time in the last long-term relationship I just exited, and rebuilding non-intimate relationships outside of that is difficult. I always pour myself into intimate relationships which is my own doing, and struggle to manage the friendships I have outside of them. That’s on me. Reconnecting is difficult tho and again, that being entirely on me, I suspect it’s rough for others to approach me. People have their own lives, I have my life, no-one knows what’s happening in one-another’s lives which is natural. Reintegration for me is tough, so I start looking for new stimulus.

I’ve just breached 1000 words and I’m getting distracted and am now meandering. It’s time to stop. We should do this again some time.

[dontyoudarebesquare]

I am losing a battle I don’t want to fight anymore.

I don’t want to fight anymore not because I am losing but because since I am fighting at all, I have already lost.

I believe I am suffering from a strange form of PTSD in which after someone hurts you, you begin to operate under the assumption that everyone who claims to love you is going to hurt you. 

Operating under this assumption is dangerous and painful and annoying because it tends to result in your paranoia driving people away from you.

I have friends now. I like them. I’m pretty sure they like me. But I will probably never get over the thought they all may secretly hate me. Or even worse, be completely indifferent towards me.

I have trust issues. They are so hard to get rid of. Most of the time, I just want to be alone. To drive by myself, to live by myself, and to die by myself because I can’t trust anyone to love me the way I need to be loved. I have to experience second-hand love from stories. I want someone to love me. Platonically or otherwise.

I want to trust somebody. I want to trust again so badly. I am so afraid to trust people with my time, energy, and love. But sometimes I do it so impulsively because I want to feel like I can trust someone but it usually turns out no better than the others.

I’ve had many very short-lived, high-intensity, poor-quality friendships and romantic relationships.  I’ve always been left the one to try to pick up the pieces and I only stop when I realize my hands are the only ones bleeding.

The people I like the most on this campus are so great. They were just in my car, actually. But right now, as I type, I truly don’t think they really like me. Or at least, if I were to wake up with amnesia tomorrow they would not be too disappointed that I know nothing of the friendship. 

I don’t think they care about me like I care about them. I don’t think their place in my life is the same as my place in their lives. I am an extra in everyone’s movie but they’re lead roles in mine. I’m so so tired of being an extra. I want to be the lead. Please.

Maybe I am overeacting. Maybe I am just activating an annoying defense mechanism, but dammit I JUST WANT TO LOVE SOMEBODY WITHOUT THE FEAR THAT I AM BEING USED!!!!!

I’m sooooo tired, man. I’m tired of feeling afraid of being used. I’m tired of not feeling wanted. I’m tired of continuously losing a battle I thought was long over. 

THE PEOPLE WHO HURT ME ARE WINNING AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

I am sad and I am lonely yet I am surrounded by at least six smiling faces but there will always be something in the back of my mind that will try to convince me that they are just here for what I can offer them and not because they like me at all. 

I have friends so why am I lonely.

I REPEAT

I HAVE NO LESS THAN 6 FUCKING “FRIENDS” ON CAMPUS SO WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL LONELY??

I have two or three or maybe even four friends that I know care about me as much as I care about them. To them, my gratitude and undying love is owed. 

I don’t want to be dispensable, but I will always feel like I am. So I have to be careful how I love the people around me. It drives me crazy, always thinking that the people whose hearts I want nothing more but to enter into truly do not care whether I am there or not. 

I usually value friendships more than others.

I want someone to fear losing me.

I want someone to be concerned about whether I truly enjoy their company.

I want to be so valuable in someone’s life that my absence is noticed and they attempt to correct it.

I want someone to care about me like I care about other people. 

But that very well may never, ever happen.

I just want to go away by myself and be alone all to myself because my wounds haven’t healed and I don’t know why or when they will heal. I am tired. I am so so tired.

[davewakeman]

Talking Tickets: November 1, 2019

Thanks for being here!

  If you have ideas, ways to improve the newsletter, or just want to say, “hello”, reply to this email!

  If you do enjoy this newsletter, share it and have your colleagues sign up! Word of mouth is the most powerful form of marketing and all your shares, comments, and ideas are appreciated.

  November will see me in New York City, Sydney, Melbourne, and Hong Kong. If you are in any of those places, let me know and let’s grab a cup of coffee or a drink.

(Should note that the AFL in the first story refers to the Arena League.)

1. AFL shuts down team operations, doesn’t know what’s next: I’ll refer you to a story written many years ago by my friend, Troy Kirby.

Not to pile on, but he highlighted a lot of these issues from the very start.

The reason I’m highlighting this story is that the AFL’s struggles highlight a scene that we can see in many places if we are paying attention: the need to improve the value proposition of the event, the marketing and selling of the events, and the business acumen of the tasked with doing these things.

  I’m a huge fan of the AFL. I still have an Arena Bowl t-shirt that I wear from time to time and I tried out for the Miami Hooters in my early-20s. But to just try and keep the league limping along without some definite changes in the value proposition offered, business model, and way that the game is marketed and sold would be prolonging the inevitable.

  To me, it is time for a few days with a whiteboard and a bunch of big questions like, “What do we want the league to become?” Because knowing the destination is going to be key to long-term success.

  2. The Golden State Warriors get into the broker game with their ‘StubHub for luxury boxes’: Innovation in the way that a team is serving its customers is a great thing! We need more innovation.

  In my reading of the situation, this is likely to work well for the Warriors in the short term, but I’m hesitant to offer it up as a meaningful solution to teams that aren’t moving into new buildings and have one of the hottest teams in the NBA.

  Why?

  I’ll give you two reasons:

  1. I spent a day in NYC with Tony Knopp and TicketManager at their annual event, chatting with suite holders and ticket buyers from corporate America. The big challenge that many organizations are dealing with isn’t access to tickets, but utility and proper usage.

  An exchange is great when there is truly high demand like there will be in SF this season.

  But when it comes to helping corporate buyers better use their tickets or your event, these kinds of things are just too easy for people to allow to become commodities and can become an excuse for poor selling and marketing habits around the premium and corporate selling space.

  2. The biggest challenge that sports teams are facing in regards to tickets is marketing. A platform like this sounds great, maybe works great, and probably only adds to the confusion of customers.

  Why?

  Well, you aren’t your market. And, all too often, decisions get made about selling or marketing to a customer or a customer base and we make the assumption that because we understand the buying process, everyone does.

  Again, this program seems like it could be confusing to potential customers if not handled properly.

  I’m curious on your take! Let me know by hitting reply!

  3. Nets strip fans of tickets over reselling: Lo and behold, the Nets are now hot and selling tickets so they are shutting down resale from fans and other ticket buyers?!

  I’m not surprised.

  For many years, depending on the fortunes of a team, they will be at the WTC and Ticket Summit in Las Vegas, proclaiming themselves, “broker friendly”. As soon as the tide turns and the team is on the upswing, broker relations seem to chill.

As my son would say, “True Fact!”

Why this story is interesting is because the article highlights the possibility that the Nets are working to protect their consolidation partner, Dynasty Sports and Entertainment.

Which would be really interesting because I don’t recall a single situation where a team went to bat to protect their relationship with a consolidator.

  So when you add up the ingredients of consolidation, protecting a partnership, a hot team, and a lawsuit that is built on the premise of protecting “…fans and free enterprise…”, this story bears watching because it will likely have some interesting stories that come out of it.

  4. Feds probe White Sox about comp tickets: If you’ve been around the ticket game for long enough, you’ll have heard tales about “ice” and turning clocks back 2-3 minutes, or paying kids to stand on line…the list goes on.

  Where there is a ticket, there is often the opportunity for some sort of sketchy behavior to take place.

  Tony Knopp put together a blog post a few years back that lists any of the number of ways that people gain access to tickets, legally and illegally.

  This story is interesting because it involves brokers, but also an inside source. It also highlights how useful data can be when used well…especially when the data shows patterns of strange behavior.

Don’t even get me started on what this says about the struggles of MLB to sell tickets and get fans into their stadiums.

5. The West End can weather a downturn, but what about everyone else?: One of these days, I want to be able to get a byline in The Stage because I love how thoroughly they write about issues around pricing, sales and marketing of tickets.

This is an interesting piece because it highlights a number of issues that we all need to think about:

1. Pricing strategies, especially in difficult economic times. One of the big issues with a lot of primary side dynamic pricing that I hear about from consumers is that the price goes up, but never down.

The challenge for any of us is to get the pricing of our events and our experiences right.

In a recession or a downturn, pricing properly is more of a concern than ever. Along with the ultimate challenges of selling and marketing properly.

2. Pricing, marketing, and selling isn’t a one-size-fits all endeavor. In too many places, I see teams, venues, and organizations try to take the same marketing plan that worked in Los Angeles, London, New York City, or Paris and apply it everywhere.

That doesn’t work.

You have to understand the basics of strategy through the eyes of the people you are trying to serve. I’m going to tell you from experience that a DC buyer is a lot different than an NYC buyer and all of them are different than folks in Copenhagen.

3. Discounts will kill you!

Bonus story today since several of y’all thought this was funny: 

Man City drops influencer ad agency! 

  When you are right! You are right!

  If you think I’ve missed something or you see a story that I better see, send it to me…by hitting reply to this email. 

  I’m in NYC on 7-8 November. So if you are around, send me a note and let’s get coffee or a drink. 

______________________________________________

  What I’m up to?

Had my buddy, Derek Palmer, on the podcast this week. He explains why he called me the only marketer he knows that isn’t full of shizz!

  Are you coming to my workshop in Melbourne, Australia on 18 November? Only about 12 tickets left! How awesome is that! Buy one of them!

  I will be in conversation with Oli Shawyer at the AFL’s Fan Day on 19 November at Marvel Stadium. We will talk marketing, revenue, and fan experience.

  Keep up with me at www.davewakeman.com

Please follow and like us:

Talking Tickets: November 1, 2019 was originally published on Wakeman Consulting Group

[holmesoverture]

In Sherlock’s Room, Part Two

Part One Be Here

Title: In Sherlock’s Room Rating (for this half): PG Total Word Count: 6431 Pairing: bi Watson/ace trans Holmes Universe: Modern AU of the original canon Summary: Holmes solves a case in his jammies.  Watson does laundry and makes ravioli.

TW for this half: very vaguely implied past acephobia; another mention of past acephobia (probably past transphobia also) which is immediately followed by petty revenge

Editing was tedious work.  My editor, for all his many redeeming qualities, invariably failed to appreciate the flowery endings to my tales and insisted I cut them off far earlier than I should have preferred.

“People read your stories for two reasons,” he once told me after nearly a half-hour of increasingly stormy debate on the subject; “the mystery, and the solution to the mystery.  No one cares what happens to you once the crook is sitting in a jail cell.  You can spend the night giving each other gob-jobs for all anyone cares.  Oh, I’ve said something funny now, have I?”

The bundles of fan mail I received every week inquiring as to whether I was single and whether Holmes was any good at finding hidden sausages made me question his judgment, but I was paid very handsomely for my work.  I could afford to assume that he had been made editor for a reason.

My efforts to curtail the offending epilogues on my own proved futile and so I had given up altogether, allowing my fingers to stretch the story for as long as they pleased, knowing that my editor would cut it all anyway while cursing my name. I was well into an appallingly purple passage in which Holmes and I compare the seasonal changes of the leaves to the arc of the average criminal’s career when Holmes burst in, catching the door before it could slam into the wall.

“Ceromancy!” he cried.

“Gesundheit,” I said.

“Kommst du mit, Naseweis.”

One did not need to speak German to understand what he wanted.  I followed him back to his room.  He had turned on some music since I left, a whiplash-inducing blend of classical pieces and Eurovision finalists.  Several new items had taken up residence on his desk.  His laptop now sat amongst the clutter rather than on his bed, along with a large, overly fragrant lavender candle, either borrowed or stolen from Mrs Hudson, and a bowl of water with a vaguely egg-shaped bit of hardened wax floating in its centre.

“I take it this is somehow connected with cera… ciril—”

“Ceromancy.  It is the art of divining the future via wax images in water.  One of the methods involves adding certain ingredients to the water, including seeds of the cuminum cyminum, which Mrs Mulvehill reports smelling in her wife’s vehicle on more than one occasion, and sprigs of ruta graveolens, a toxic herb that can cause blisters.”

I recalled the neatly torn note in the package that had started Holmes’ day, in which Mrs Mulvehill remarked upon the blisters on her wife’s hand.

“Further,” Holmes continued, “this particular set of instructions involves tying two candles together with a red ribbon.”

He spun the laptop so I could see the screen, though I hardly needed to look to know what would be there: the photograph of the red ribbon tied to the rearview mirror.

“That looks about long enough to bind a pair of candles, does it not?” said he.

I thought it strange that a woman should drive five hours one way every weekend simply to have her fortune told, and said so to Holmes.

“I have not yet finished examining all of the evidence.  There may very well be another explanation for these clues that will become apparent once I reach the end of my investigation.”

“So there is still a chance that Polly Mulvehill is seeing another woman?”

“Unfortunately for our client, yes.”

He lifted a hand to swipe to the next photograph, then gave it a second thought and turned to me instead.

“Why do people do it?” he asked.

“Do what?”

“Cheat.  Polly Mulvehill has a perfectly devoted and intelligent wife, but that wasn’t enough for her.  She still felt the need to fill her time and, presumably, various other things with someone else, all in pursuit of a few sweaty, sticky moments on a flat surface. What can possibly be so thrilling about sex that it drives people to betray those closest to them?  It can’t be any better than a concert at the Barbican, and I wouldn’t cheat on you for a box seat.”

That hadn’t ever been a concern of mine, but it was nice to know.

“Sex is pleasurable for a lot of people,” I said, “and for some, it confers a certain status that concert tickets don’t.  It makes them feel powerful, attractive, special, even loved—”

“That hardly justifies cheating.”

“Of course it doesn’t.  I suppose some people never learned the same sort of self-control that you have with regard to box seats.”

He laughed at the jab and began setting up his chemical apparatus as the delicate dénouement of Gluck’s Melodie ceded to the gravelly bombast of Lordi’s Hard Rock Hallelujah.

“What are you going to do now?” I asked.

“I must test the dirt samples sent to me by Mrs Mulvehill to determine if there is anything distinctive about them.  The definitive answer to the question of how Polly Mulvehill has been spending her weekends may well be lurking in one of these test tubes.”

He muttered a few more disparaging comments about unfaithful spouses before returning to work.  I sat on the edge of Holmes’ bed and ran a finger along a seam in his blanket.  It had some peculiar stains that I would have to remember to ask about, to make sure he wasn’t slowly poisoning himself in his sleep.  Not for the first time, I was grateful that we had elected to retain separate bedrooms even after starting our relationship.

At that time it had been almost a decade since I last slept with someone.  Her name was Allie, or something like it.  She was tall and dark and sarcastic and just barely passable in the bedroom.  I suppose it was the lingering memory of her mediocrity that helped reinforce the idea of there being more important elements than sex in a romantic relationship when Holmes wrote me the first of what would become an entire drawerful of love letters.  He made it clear from the very start that he could offer me every sort of intimacy except that one, but that does not make our relationship in any way less.  Maybe it’s the fact that I will never have the chance to confront this issue in my published works that compels me to be perfectly clear about it here: we are lovers, in every sense of the word except that one upon which our society places the most importance.

Well, I suppose I shouldn’t judge others for their ignorance.  I held a similar view in a past life.  “Experience of women on three continents” was, despite what my editor prefers to believe, not an exaggeration.  Nor is it an exaggeration to say I have never once regretted abandoning my old ways.  Who wouldn’t give up sex for love?

Perhaps not Polly Mulvehill.  Or perhaps she really did learn her lesson and would agree with me after all.  It seems to me such an obvious decision, but on those infrequent occasions when I have attempted to explain our relationship to an outsider, I am almost inevitably met with disbelief at best.  Mrs Hudson took it in her stride, bless her, but Lestrade got very confused when I responded to his barely veiled innuendos with the truth. I am slightly ashamed and very satisfied to say that I went for the jugular almost immediately.

“If your wife got sick and wasn’t able to have sex with you anymore, or if her hormones change as she gets older and her libido drops, which does happen by the way, would you walk out on her just because she wasn’t giving you any?”

“Of course not!”  To Lestrade’s credit, he looked scandalised at the very suggestion.  “She’s my wife, the mother of my children—”

“It’s the same with us.  Well, not exactly the same.  Obviously, there are some differences in our lines of reasoning, but my point is that you love your partner more than you love sex and so do I.  That is, I love my partner more than I love sex, not your partner.  You know what I meant,” I said, irritated, when he started laughing.

“You’re much more eloquent as a writer than as an orator,” he replied, but he bought me a pint as an apology and we never spoke on the matter again.

I suppose I could have laughed along with his jokes instead of lecturing him on asexuality, but I should have felt guilty allowing him to continue operating under the assumption that Holmes and I were doing it.  The mere idea of engaging in such activities makes Holmes so terribly uncomfortable.  Having to endure ribald ragging, no matter how good-natured, from the one police inspector he respects could only end unpleasantly for both parties.

Feeling suddenly maudlin, I moved my bad leg so it rested fully on the stained blanket, leaned back against the headboard, and watched as Holmes went about his work.  His hands, despite appearing ill-fittingly large on his slender wrists, always managed to look graceful when engaged in one of his chemical experiments.  But I suppose everyone looks more themselves when they are doing what they are best at.

I believe I drifted off a bit after that, lulled into a contented daze by the rhythm of clinking glass and the scratch of pencil on notebook paper.  I began to come out of my trance when he came out of his.  He tried and failed to control a smile.  A few scribbles later and he gave up all pretense of dignified detachment, jumping in place and clapping, sending the pencil clattering into the dustbin beside his desk.  That was alright.  He preferred to keep his writing implements in there anyway.

With but a short moment of warning he swept me into his arms, then released me and tugged me towards his desk before I had the chance to hug him back.

“This is far better than I could have hoped for!  What a splendid case this has turned out to be!”

“Such excitement for a bit of dirt,” I remarked.

“No mere ‘bit of dirt’ is this.  Have a look at the results of the soil analysis I ran.”

I did as he asked.  Even with my limited understanding of soil composition, I knew at once what had brought the light to his grey eyes.

“Iridium?”

“Yes.  It is exceedingly rare on Earth but much more common in meteorites.”

“I know what it is.  I just didn’t think you would, given your extreme disinterest in astronomy.”

“I looked it up,” Holmes said, witheringly.  Then, perking up, he added, “I suspect the sample in Polly Mulvehill’s boot came from such a meteorite, or perhaps from an object that was found within the iridium anomaly.”

“You did say she works at a museum.”

“She volunteers as a tour guide.  I rather doubt she has the authority to take archaeological treasures home with her.”

“So you’re saying—”

“Museums are a study in contrasts, my dear Watson.  In their exhibition rooms, they are well-organized, often beautifully laid out bastions of knowledge dedicated to preserving the past into the future.  However, safely shielded from the public eye is invariably an overcrowded and poorly catalogued backroom littered with valuables that could be missing for months or years before anyone noticed.  Why, I stole this very spoon from the British Museum over a decade ago and still they’re none the wiser!”

“Holmes!”

“Oh, come now, Boswell.  This is a soup spoon from my mother’s flatware collection.  Do you really think so little of me?”

“On the contrary, I think highly enough of you that I expect you could abscond with the British Museum’s entire collection of Egyptian antiquities and return them to Egypt before the guard could leave his chair.  Why do you have your mother’s soup spoon?”

Holmes abruptly stopped preening at my inquiry.

“After my last visit to Sussex, you asked why I was in such a strop and I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Yes?”

“She kept asking when you and I would give her grandchildren.  I should have run out at once and arranged for a hysterectomy if Mycroft hadn’t been there to stop me.  Instead I took her soup spoon.  Are you very angry with me?”

“Not with you, no.”  But the next time I was misfortunate enough to encounter Mrs Holmes, I thought I might distract her long enough for Holmes to make off with the rest of her flatware, and possibly a vase or two.  I did not tell him the specifics of my thoughts, instead running a careful hand through the tangles in his hair.  He was much more appreciative of such gestures when not occupied by a case.  Had I attempted to demonstrate any form of affection prior to the discovery of the iridium, he should have pulled back and shook his head, putting a stop to my ministrations.  Now, he not only permitted the display, he encouraged it, throwing back his head with a contented sigh.  He grasped my free hand with both of his, enjoying the light scratch of my callouses across his own, eyes closed so he could focus on the sensation.

At length he straightened in his chair and looked around, as if in search of something.

“I believe we have gotten rather off the subject,” he said.  He crowed with victory when he made visual confirmation of his laptop teetering precariously on the edge of his desk, where it had been shoved to make room for the chemistry equipment.  “I must get in touch with Mrs Mulvehill—Mrs Evelyn Mulvehill, that is—and alert her to the happy news.”

“I would hardly call the fact that her wife is stealing from her place of employment happy news, Holmes.”

“Perhaps not to you or I, but to a woman bracing herself for the news that her beloved has yet again been unfaithful, it may well be the highlight of her day.”

I never saw Evelyn Mulvehill’s response to the longwinded email Holmes sent containing his deductions, but Holmes informed me it was cordial and grateful and would I please stop scribbling in my notebook?  He had just learned the most wonderful new waltz that I was sure to love if only I’d pay it the attention it (and he) deserved.

We did not hear from the Mulvehills for nearly a fortnight.  At that time, as a harsh rain assaulted the streets and the rooftops of London, Holmes thrust an open envelope, sent from Kendal, Cumbria, under my nose.  Along with her cheque came a letter from our former client, thanking Holmes for his help and informing us of the full meaning behind the clues he had deciphered for her.  Evelyn confronted her wife about the matter the moment she returned from work on the day of Holmes’ revelation.  Polly, to her credit, admitted to the scheme at once, but the story which followed her confession was one that neither of us could have expected.

Polly Mulvehill loved her museum and the history it saved and displayed, but the longer she worked there, the more she realised how dependent it was upon artifacts illegally obtained when Britain was at her most imperialistic. What right did any museum, even the one she held so near and dear, have to keep such items?  She made then a vow to smuggle what she could out of the museum and back to the lands from which they had been taken.

She sought out a fence, a man based in Aberdeen who was very superstitious and insisted upon consulting a friend who specialised in divination, including ceromancy, before each and every step of their exchange.  At least twice, to Polly’s intense displeasure, the fence interpreted the candle drippings negatively and refused to accept the goods, forcing Polly to return with the stolen artifacts to Kendal until the following week.  Still, the trouble was worth it, Polly Mulvehill insisted, for the fence was just as devoted to repatriation as she and would do most anything, so long as the candles gave their blessing, to bring the haughty English down a peg. Upon receipt of the stolen items, the fence made his escape on a flight from Aberdeen International Airport, which Polly only made the mistake of booking a hotel next to once, compared with the eleven times she had travelled to Aberdeen on her self-imposed mission. One was also the number of times she made the mistake of handling the herbs which the fortune teller used to predict their chances of success.

Evelyn was so awestruck by her wife’s courage and integrity that she quit her accounting job and started an organisation dedicated to negotiating the legal return of all stolen artifacts to their countries of origin.  It is an organisation the Mulvehills run to this very day.  The missive ended with a plea veiled as a compliment, stating that Evelyn Mulvehill knew Holmes to be a gentleman of the utmost discretion, and that she trusted him to breathe not a word of her wife’s rashness to the authorities.  The final item enclosed in the envelope was a familiar, stout red ribbon.  Holmes smiled when I held up the ribbon and requested I put the note into the fire.

“Another mystery over and done with,” said he, snapping the blinds shut against the sight of the driving storm.  “Will you be writing up this case for your eager public?”

“I doubt it.  I spent more time folding your laundry than doing anything related to the case. Perhaps I could end it with a big car chase through Aberdeen between us and the superstitious fence.  Maybe throw in the Mulvehills for good measure.”

Holmes chuckled around the empty pipe in his teeth.

“It is no more or less ludicrous than anything else you have written,” he said.

I chose to interpret this remark in a positive light.

Were this a polished and published work rather than a hastily scribbled collection of remembrances in a shabby moleskin notebook, my editor should have ended the account with my destroying the evidence of Polly Mulvehill’s crimes and her wife’s complicity.  It is just as well.  Holmes is, despite the great fame I have inadvertently thrust upon him, an intensely private man.  I doubt he would appreciate the whole of the English-speaking world reading about how we sat together on the sofa, shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip, he kneading the pain from my bad leg with a practiced hand, I reading selections from the story I had been editing and taking note of the parts he disapproved of.  He certainly wouldn’t want anyone else knowing about how our light bickering over whether or not I was allowed to describe him as gentle ended in several minutes of kissing that served my argument rather better than his.  And, most of all, he would recoil at the slightest possibility of strangers spying after the fact as he pulled out his laptop and helped me work out plans for a weeklong holiday in Cumbria.