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digimon survive week 2024
day 7: post-game / future
personal thoughts under the cut - less about the artwork and more about shuuji and lopmon themselves. a long rambling containing major spoilers and heavy topics. will cause whiplash. proceed with caution.
other than the fact this may be boring and long-winded, cw and tw:
there will be mentions of self-harm and suicide.
if these topics make you uncomfortable, please step back.
if you're sure, then alright.
i'm aware this is a weird place to ramble about shuuji and lopmon considering the notorious highlight of their story would match the themes of day 5 (villains) and day 6 (dark & loss) better. unfortunately (ironically?) i never planned to feature them for those days, so...
pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this, but when i discovered that a good part of the fandom seems to loathe shuuji with utmost passion, even after they claimed to have completed the game, i was confused.
the way his death happened and (understanding) the cause made me uncomfortable for a while, but never drove me to the point of hate... once i recovered from the initial shock, what i felt towards him was more pity, then respect (on truthful route).
i feel shuuji should have been one of the most appreciated characters in survive. yet it was the opposite that happened.
(between you and me though, knowing there was this discourse with the fact digimon survive is a visual novel, i'm not that surprised it turned out this way...)
from my point of view, lopmon evolving into wendimon then killing shuuji symbolizes suicide, the act of taking one's own life. it was the climax of shuuji's mental breakdown, leading him to basically self-destruct, causing damage to everyone around him and ultimately himself.
lopmon evolved, just like he hoped. but failed to do it like other kemonogami partners (maintaining control of themselves and fending off enemies). the next and final outcome was death, through his own partner actually eating him alive too.
it reminds me how when someone thought they have prepared well for something important yet it failed spectacularly, the devastation and frustration would eat them in the same way from inside. and they probably would for one second think, "i'm better off dead".
the more i pondered about it, the more it hit home, so of course, the last thing i could do is hate him, when his struggles sound similar to my own - having to rely on consistent achievements to prove your value, to feel you are worth living and not a waste of resources.
the part where shuuji went all abusive on lopmon felt like the equivalent of pushing yourself to the extreme to reach your goal, to the point of neglecting your own needs. it's like a student so absorbed in their study, sacrificing food and sleep, until their body eventually snaps and shuts down for good (...this in fact happened to one of the students at my previous workplace. she was in her last year of high school. life was just about to truly start for her when her classmate informed us of her sudden death).
even in truthful route where shuuji and lopmon survive that point, things aren't immediately nice and easy for him. you can see that he still has self-doubts, and what i think is impostor's syndrome. he could be making a great contribution to the team and still put himself down for having done "nothing".
i have found it interesting that artists and writers tend to be especially fond of shuuji. so perhaps it's not just the matter of one's upbringing - whether you were raised in a harsh, competitive environment and/or with family with (unreasonably) high standards so you can relate more easily to him - but also whether one can see just what every struggle shuuji and lopmon went through symbolizes shuuji's mental state.
out of all survive characters, i think shuuji and lopmon pulled off this thing called "surviving" the hardest, no joke. which is why i almost always gravitate to drawing them happy because that's what they deserve :')
after all this, what i also would like to say is, it's okay if a character makes you uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate a character. but never, ever bring down the character to people who like them or even consider them their favorite or comfort character. if you must, do it in your own space and only with like-minded people.
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actually. @moonlarked you wanted someone to talk about near & light as parallels? cuz uh...
ok SO, my big hot take on near is something like this: one of the most common criticisms i see about near is that he is simply too apathetic/bored/uncaring/etc, and that because he is not as emotionally invested as L, his win against light doesn't feel nearly (lol) as satisfying as it could've been. this is a view that often frustrates me, but for a very particular reason— namely, while i think it is somewhat accurate in content, i think it misses a lot of important context (and also misses a lot of the importance of light's character arc, but we'll get to that much later).
one of the most important things to remember about the wammy's kids is that, whether they like it or not, each and every one of them is defined almost entirely through their relationship to L. this is perhaps more obvious in the case of characters like BB and mello, who are very Aware of this shadow being cast upon them and react in very overt, emotional ways (e.g. becoming a literal serial killer out of seemingly pure spite & desire to be noticed, idolizing him but in a very emotionally complicated, kinda detached sorta way, etc), but it is true for Every wammy's kid, purely because of how the house itself functions. these kids are being raised to be L's successor— the greatest (and second greatest, and third greatest) detective on the planet. this is the ultimate goal hanging over every one of their heads, and it places a constant pressure on every kid there.
oftentimes, i think (perhaps both out of story and in it, as well?) people get so caught up in comparing near to L that they forget he also falls under this umbrella— only, for near, his position is slightly different because he actually somewhat succeeds at the task? like, yeah, L never gets the chance to officially call near his successor, but between the fact that he's constantly called the #1 kid at wammy's and that he. literally does actually end up becoming the new L after kira, i think it's always been pretty clear what his path was going to be.
going back to my starting point, this is one of the main ways that near makes a really good parallel to light in my mind, specifically the light that we see right at the start of the series. in both cases, near and pre-DN light, we see a kid who has succeeded at everything they've been handed, and more notably, we see a kid who is bored out of his fucking mind looking at the prospects of what he's got.
in the case of light, this is maybe a little more realistic/easy to understand— light does well in academics, he does well in sports, he does well with people. he is likely to follow in his father's footsteps with something criminal justice/police/law related, but even if he diverges from that path it likely won't be too big of a deal, as he has shown himself to be capable in enough areas that he's likely to succeed no matter what. by all measurable standards, light's doing pretty good at the start of the series. and yet— there is something so distinctly and inherently Bland about his life before he gets the DN. i've said before that light wouldn't call the DN a curse even if he wanted to, but i think in that moment when he's telling ryuk he disagrees w/ his father after visiting him in the hospital, when he says, "I've never once considered finding that notebook and gaining this power a misfortune. In fact, it's made me happier than I've ever been." (ch.22) he's still getting at something real and truthful.
again, going back to my equating of boredom with depression in this series— light's life is pretty good by all measurable standards. he has a family who loves him, presumably more than enough money to get by with a pretty cushy lifestyle, and does well, honestly better than well, in every single system he is presented with. but even so, he's still unhappy. there is something in his soul that has not yet been satisfied. he's bored of the world, bored of his place in it, how easy it all is. what the DN really offers him is a challenge, entertainment— just the same as L, and just the same as ryuk.
near similarly suffers from this kind of boredom, though it is perhaps less overtly stated than in the case of light, L, and ryuk, and less easy to catch as it is not as realistic/common. again: near basically ends up the winner of wammy's house. he is the one to take the title of L, he's declared the smartest, bestest kid at wammy's, and he gets all the power and privilege that comes with such a title. but still— he's so. fucking. bored. much to the embarrassment of mello, this shit was never really a challenge to him. it's pretty obvious that near isn't really even all that attached to the title of L— don't forget that his first real introduction to the story involves him explicitly saying that he'd be just fine working with mello as essentially co-L successors. and this is a viewpoint that he holds onto until the very end of the series, actually, claiming that he was only able to best light due to mello's sacrifice. near doesn't really give a fuck about the rat race he's been slotted into, though it's perhaps for that exact reason that he ends up winning it anyway, and getting all the responsibility that comes along.
that being said, i think there are still two main differences between light and near:
light fucks up.
near never gets past his boredom.
in the case of this first point, i do not mean to say that near never ever makes any move/judgement that could be considered a mistake— mello killing the entire SPK is the first thing that comes to mind, which i see as blood on near's hands for the same reason that L takes at least some responsibility for lind l. tailor. rather, i mean that near never makes a such a monumental fuck-up that he has to overturn his entire worldview just to account for it in the same way that light does when he accidentally kills two people w/ the DN the first time.
it's like, if you've ever known (or been) the kind of kid who always got perfect grades in school, straights A's for K-12, only to reach college and suddenly bomb their first test and have an existential crisis as their only real achievement in life is crushed into dust, then you know light yagami. only for light, it's on a whole 'nother scale, because not only does he fucking oopsie daisy kill two people, but he kills in such a context that he can mentally manipulate it back into seeming heroic. i hate to say that suffering causes character development because that's terrible advice (it's how you react to terrible circumstances that matters, imho) but to some degree, yeah, having conflicts/hard times in life is just necessary to figure shit out sometimes. near (and L, oh goddd i need to write about L properly sometime) has so many things smoothed over and handed to him, and on top of that, he's a super genius very rarely fucks anything up, at least according to base logic. he doesn't even really consider the morality of anything he's doing until light straight up asks him in a desperate bid to keep talking at the end, it's all just logic and factors to consider.
this all leads to my second point, which is that near never really gets the chance to overcome his boredom in the same way as the others. ryuk at least gets his entertainment for a couple years, and light and L (and mello) get so invested in each other and their game that it literally kills them, but near just kinda. keeps going. he keeps being L, he keeps solving cases, he does the duty he was given and enjoys his toys... and that's it. he lies around, the only one left to live, never even taking credit for the end of KIRA, never gets another haircut, and keeps the title going. what a life, for a kid who dragged a god back down to earth.
sidenote1: toys
am i reading too into things? maybe. near's toys hold a lot of significance throughout the story in more specific ways, most notably the finger puppets he uses at the very end of the story while tracking different people's/kira's actions, though you could probably read some kind of meaning into every toy he has and the ways in which he plays with them. what i want to look at here though is more the general reasoning behind playing with them in the first place— a desire for a childhood he didn't get to have? a love of games more generally? (could track with him seeing the KIRA case, or really all detective work, as just another game.) you could also read into his toys as another source for near's apathy/detachment from reality, literally breaking every notable person around him down into a doll by the end of the story, speaking a lot to how alienated he is from the world (again, very similar to both L and light, there). i don't have much more of a point to make here, just wanted to add this in somewhere since it's one of his most striking visual character traits.
sidenote2: light's arc
going back to my point at the start of this post... light's character arc.
uhh. near winning is a good thing, actually. and i don't just mean that as a moral claim— DN itself as a story isn't really concerned with trying to answer any moral questions about good or evil or the justice system, so it makes sense & is fair to me that it doesn't try all that hard to answer anything along those lines by the very end of the story. what i mean to say here is that near winning is a good thing on the level of the character arc, specifically as an end to light's arc.
i made a post a while back while mid-manga reread talking through some of the reasons why L's death can feel kind of unsatisfying/paint the second half of the story in a less interesting light (hah) for a lot of viewers, with the main point i ended up on being that L wasn't really able to win because he never really had all that clear of a win state in the first place. i still kiiind of agree with this point, though i think there's a lot more i could add to that post... anyways. point is, i bring up that post because it touches on a similar thing to what i want to talk about here: light's character arc being a tragedy.
this is more speculation on my part, but i think another part of the reason why people get turned off to DN post-L death is not just the fact that L isn't really a playable character in the game anymore, but the fact that light's character arc takes such a dramatic twist after the timeskip. i talked about this a little bit in my little ramble on light & titles (which a lot of you liked, apparently!! ty for all the lovely comments on there, i love reading what you guys have to say ^w^), but light's character arc in DN is a tragedy to me, full-stop.
tragedies to me are cyclical— revolutionary, if you will. since all stories necessitate some kind of something to take place, a tragedy to me is all about a character beginning in one point, then continually getting hit by Event, after Thing, after Event, only to end up in essentially the exact same place that they started. any character changes or development that seem to happen throughout the story are ultimately nullified by the end— the main subject does not truly grow, does not truly reflect on their actions or traumas, does not move on. two steps forward is two steps back. even ending up in a position worse than they started is sometimes better than a true tragedy, in my mind, as at least then there is some chance they may still reflect or change or grow in the future, leaving the hope that they may still overcome this new circumstance later on. a true tragedy ends in nothing meaningful ever getting the chance to truly change, at least in the case of the main subject of the story.
light's character arc in the first half of the story is an upward, underdog kind of story. yes, light has the power of a shinigami, of a supernatural force that the rest of the world doesn't even know exists— but part of the real appeal of his conflict with L is how powerful L feels in comparison, having the wealth and respect and title to command a world's worth of forces against him. fuck, even taking down naomi misora feels like an incredible hurdle overcome, a teenager managing to charm and yap and flutter his eyelashes out of a shitty situation he was only just lucky enough to stumble across in the first place, to stop someone who could've ruined his entire plan with a few words. killing L was always going to be light's greatest accomplishment when it comes to his rise to godhood, not only because of L's great power but the comparative position of light at the time that he did so— not yet an adult, not even really out of school, perhaps barely out of his parents' house.
in contrast, light's arc for the second half of the story is a downward spiral. we see all of the consequences light has been miraculously avoiding smack into him like meteors in this half, his ever-growing ego torn to shreds as he's yanked back down to earth. and in comparison to the anime, the manga really beats this point into you, dedicating the entire second half of the story to light's fall from grace as he loses his mind and loses his humanity. like, while i do kind of prefer the manga ending to the anime, i have to admit that light's death there is fucking brutal. light goes through pages, chapters, purely dedicated to near tearing him a new asshole, only end the story bloody and delirious and crawling on his knees begging a god of death to fix everything— all just to die the exact same death as everyone else he's killed. i mean, look at these fucking pages (ch.107):
(that last fucking picture of him. clawing at the sky. it always fucking gets to me.)
it hurts to read this shit!! we spend the entire first half of the story watching this dude's rise to glory, the entire time stuck inside of his head, emotionally connecting with him even if we don't really mean to or disagree with his actions or question his morality. watching his fall back down, especially after all of that, is fucking painful— an in no way does near make the process any easier. if anything, his blunt, snarky bitchery, saying all the quiet parts out loud, calling light out for being a terrible replacement L and pointing and laughing at his failures to his face, only shoves more salt in the wound, only proves just how human he has been all this time, how meaningless any of his supposed "rise to power" ever really was. light got his fifteen seconds of fame, sure— but near is armed and ready to make sure that's all he'd ever get, that the name Light Yagami would never even be associated with the position he held for so long. six years was all he got— and it was all he was ever going to get, because light yagami did not do this for humanity, he did it for himself. all near did was collect the debt that L prescribed. he fulfilled his duty as told— nothing more, and nothing less.
i just have to wonder... is this why people hate him? because he has no sympathy for the fall? maybe. i don't know.
either way, i don't think i could ever really hate him. it's a big responsibility, being the only one left behind. but near has always been the one to hold such weights on his shoulders.
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Dan Feng/Dan Heng and the Aeons (1)
Note: This is all HC of what I think their opinions regarding the Aeons of Long, Lan, and Yaoshi until otherwise revealed.
"The Vidydhara, as a whole, do not forget our origins. The hatchlings of the present are not as devout as their seniors, but we cannot forget. Long existence is like a code etched deeply into our souls- A cycle we cannot escape from. Their gift...is both a blessing and a curse." -Dan Feng.
In general, Dan Feng respects Long and understands their importance to the Vidyadhara as a whole. As High Elder, he is required to partake in committees discussing his clan celebrations and give the final word where the planning is directed. In any important rituals, the leading role naturally falls to the High Elder to make sure it goes off without a hitch.
Otherwise, in private, Dan Feng very little practices his faith. He holds Long, their Creator close to his heart. But, not so close he considers himself a devout worshipper compared to the other Vidyadhara.
However, with the ongoing problem of the Vidyadhara species in slow decline and his personal issues- Dan Feng can't help resent Long just a little bit. After all, their blessing is starting to become more of a curse at this point.
But how can he, a mortal, judge an Aeon? Not just any Aeon, but the Aeon of Permanence who given birth to the Vidyadhara.
To reject Long, even deceased, is considered blasphemy.
"I do not share the Vidyadhara faith in Long. The reason...Well, I'm sure you understand why by now. Unfortunately, I am that man reincarnation. As long as I hold this power, my encounters with the Vidyadhara will not end here." -Dan Heng
Dan Heng has no love or hate towards Long. He acknowledges their existence, their importance to the Vidyadhara, and their relevance to him. He does not love Long, because he does not worship them- respect them, yes. He does not hate Long, because the ones who hurt him are their children.
Besides, what reason does he have to hate an Aeon who ihas long passed away?
Despite the Preceptors best efforts to educate him, Dan Heng obviously does not practice their faith in Long. If he must, it will be after the events in Xianzhou Luofu where he's learning more about their culture including the Vidyadhara. Something he never got to do during his imprisonment. Everything he learns and research will go into the databank.
But also, it's helping Dan Heng understand more about a place he never saw as a home. Slowly, it may also help him gain a deeper understanding of his past incarnations knowledge and Long.
"The Reignbow Arbiter, unless summoned, has no reason to appear before us. We are their warriors, raising our weapons, and vowed to eliminate every last one of Yaoshi abominations. Yet, what honor can be gained for losing your life in this eternal war?" -Dan Feng
While Dan Feng is closer to Long than Lan, he respects them no less. The Reignbow Arbiter eternal pursuit against Yaoshi inspired the Xianzhou to take arms and follow them. Their beliefs aligned with Lan determination to eliminate the Abominations of Yaoshi and that hasn't changed even in the present.
Dan Feng is the High Elder of the Vidyadhara. Naturally, his first priority are his clan and the Xianzhou natives second. There are times when it is difficult to make a decision: to find a compromise. Because he is not only Vidyadhara, but he is also a soldier who spoke his vows to the Hunt as many others had done. The war he joins and fight is for the sake of his people AND the Xianzhou.
Is it conflicting when he follows Long and Lan? The simple answer is no, because there is no point in trying to understand what the Aeons are thinking (especially since Long has long passed.)
Dan Feng knows his priorities. It's in the present where his people rely on him for safety and guidance. It's where his friends/families, and his lovers (or fiances/spouse) matter the most to him.
He is the High Elder of the Vidyadhara Luofu, a member of the HCQ, a friend to a selected few, and...a lover to the most amazing people (Yingxing and Jing Yuan) in his life.
Dan Feng is never described as a person with feelings. But his heart, his human bleeds, seeing the loss in the endless war against the Abundance.
That's why he can never understand why so many see it as an honor to die fightning for their homeland. Not when they still have people waiting for them to return home.
And a part of him that he kept locked away resents Lan [Aeons] for this.
But again, Aeons are beyond mortal understanding. What does his opinion matter?
"Before I met Himeko, I was a wanderer. I followed the Hunt, because I felt like I was required to in order to redeem myself. Wherever I went, battles follow and I had to fight to survive. If an abomination of Abundance appeared...I felt compelled to fight and eliminate them. " -Dan Heng
Initially, Dan Heng believed if he followed the path of the The Hunt, then it would distance himself further away from Dan Feng. Not only that, but it would enforce his identity as "Dan Heng". The crimes of his past self had committed should've been absolved after he reincarnated. Yet, it didn't matter in the end as Dan Heng is punished for his past incarnation crimes.
As for his opinion of Lan, Dan Heng will admit he is biased. He knows the consequences for seeking immortality; a monster. He agrees with Lan end goal- to kill Yaoshi. By extension, he also agrees with the Xianzhou cause as well. Dan Heng respects Lan and their ideals, but he does not walk the same path as their followers do.
Because Dan Heng is an exile, marked as a criminal for a sin his past incarnation had done.
But that's alright, because Dan Heng found his place in the universe as a Nameless on the Astral Express.
"Do not heed the words of Yaoshi worshippers. The Plague Authors mercy is a curse in disguise of a blessing. Their "love" is sweet on the tongue, but they're vile. A disease festering in your core. A parasite slowly eating away your life and sanity as your body rots." -Dan Feng
Dan Feng absolutely abhors Yaoshi, but more than that he hates himself for resorting to use a flesh of an Emanator of Abundance. But he believed at the time he was doing the right thing for the right cause. In the aftermath, within his prison, he feels only regrets and defeat...
"I do not agree with the Disciples of Sanctus Medicus. There's a reason why Yaoshi existence does more harm than good. They bring life, but they also sow discord and suffering. Dan Feng knew that, so why did he...?" -Dan Heng
Dan Heng is absolutely confused why his past incarnation committed one of the Unpardonable Sins. He abhors Yaoshi, any of their children are dead on sight.
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