#so really the majority of major decisions made that affect the major story are applicable to a large number of portrayals

[akuzeisms]

So something I’ve been working on recently (prompted by Marnie a mutual who mentioned watching a playthrough as a great means to familiarize/re-familiarize with the series) is… an edited cinematic style playthrough of the trilogy. I’ve managed to pare things down in the playthrough to only the most majorly important aspects of the playthrough (i.e. skipping the majority of side quests), along with some reorganization of clips or clever use of clips to make things flow more like a movie format. While it’s by no means perfect, it’s a little more digestible than skipping through hours of gameplay.

Currently, I am still working on this as I am in the midst of a full playthrough of the trilogy. This version is only going to feature Kaidan’s romance path, though it will feature the events of the Virmire Savior Mod (allowing for both Ashley and Kaidan to be saved on Virmire, and subsequently be part of things in the remainder of the trilogy). Each “episode” is roughly movie length, averaging out at around 1 hour and 20 minutes per clip.

[littleeyesofpallas]

SO.... HEROINE'S JOURNEY. YA?

There are a few approaches to the Heroine's Journey and they're all a little wonky as fuck.

is to look at old myths about Heroines and find patterns in them, the way Campbell found patterns in Hero myths. Problem here is that there's much less narrative consistency in those, and they're generally a little less common, and so there's not as much of a pattern to distill into a neat little diagram.

is to craft a psychological model for little girls coming of age, akin to the one the Hero's Journey provides for little boys, and work off that. This is nice, but tends to lack the weight and kind of viral catchiness of the mythologically derived formula

is just to genderswap the Hero's Journey, or to put a Heroine through the Hero's Journey as is. These most often fall apart on account of having zero critical assessment of what the plot being acted out is or how it functions. No one learns jack squat, no one grows, and as a shitty cherry on top the plot just looks derivative. (Looking right at you, Force Awakens.)

The old mythic approach is generally ignored for being far too loose. It also tends to revolve around awkward at times sexist narratives of purity and purification as a process, the role of healing, mending and forgiving flawed and often outright antagonistic individuals, preservation and protection of the home, and consequently a lack of real adventure. It very often ends in an ascension to goddess-hood by way of or for the ends of some kind of self sacrifice. I'm not super keen on this for a number of reasons, not the least of which being the narrative trend in which a woman's role is give herself up for the good of others... But worth pointing out here is that the myths that can be referenced that don't fit these themes are so wildly different both from the proposed core formula and even one another that they don't outline a new or alternative trend at all. Women that kick ass in myth absolutely exist, but they tend to be unique rather than formulaic, be that for better or for worse...

Funny enough Zelda: Skyward Sword utilized this in a fascinating way. As Link goes through a very conventional Hero's Journey, really beat for beat, in his pursuit of the missing Princess Zelda he continually gets to the end of a dungeon to find that Zelda was just there, but he missed her and she's moved on. And in fact each time this happens we learn that Zelda had her own reasons for visiting all these temples and sure enough this background plot that Zelda has been acting out is the mythic Heroine's Journey.

Seeing the two acted out in tandem, and showing how the two actually facilitate and serve one another in a bigger picture is actually a really brilliant way to tell these old stories. Zelda's quest has added urgency because we know that as she progresses, the encroaching evil is only barely being beaten back by Link. and Link's Hero's Journey is given new importance because his Meeting with the Goddess isn't just about shipping him with Zelda, it's about saving Zelda from the consequences of her self sacrifice.

The distantly Jungian derived model is actually only as old as 1990 and came about as a centerpiece in a women's self-help book. Maureen Murdock suggests this process:

Shift from feminine to masculine

Identification with the masculine

Road of trials

Experiencing the illusory boon of success

The descent/meeting with the goddess

Yearning for the reconnect

Reconciliation with the masculine

The union

In which the girl has to adopt masculine agency in order to act upon the world in the way man are expected to and girls are not. She adventures with these masculine skills/features at hand. She feels fulfilled by these conquests, but then must face the idea that masculine conquest is not a valid or meaningful kind of accomplishment. She has a conflict of self, dives deep into the self to meet with her own feminine side, now long repressed. She learns to want to be a woman. She confronts the flaws of the masculine pursuit she's been on. She learns to embrace both gendered identities and is at peace.

This thing has so many little bumps and hiccups and things to get caught up on. I'm really not fond of it. It's a product of its time and its writers' predecessors' biases and already kind of misaligned premises. (Btw this is a huge contributing factor to the plot of Revolutionary Girl Utena.)

The second version is generally exemplified in the Heroine's Journey formulated by Victoria Lynn Schmidt. I'll be totally honest, I'm not as familiar with that one. But it was written to more directly mirror Campbell's Hero's Journey in its cyclical nature and use as a writing template (where as Murdock's was decidedly less focused on story telling applications) and it's major pitfall is that it really doesn't seem to have any kind of "universal" mythic origin, and so kind of lacks the punch Campbell's implication of myth speaking to the innate human psyche in the universal familiarity of its trends.

Illusion of the perfect world

Betrayal/disillusionment

The awakening

The descent: passing through the gates of judgment

Eye of the storm

All is lost/death

Support

Rebirth/moment of truth

Return to a new world

Like I said, I'm just less familiar with this one in practice. It doesn't feel like a terrible plot or character arc, and there are aspects of it that I really like, even. But it doesn't really feel like it particularly "fixes" any of the problems at hand with its predecessors.

And the third one, I mentioned is typically just bad and stupid; a creative decision made in pure ignorance. When removed from any psychological context the motions of the plot become meaningless. But a fascinating case of sort of doing it was Disney's Moana. Not because it genderswapped the Campbellian Hero's Journey but because it chose to merge the myth Hero and Heroine's Journey together, and yeah, in which a little genderswapping happened to be involved.

Moana's role is to "stay" and be mother to her people, to protect and preserve, to purify and heal and forgive... BUT in a beautifully deft twist she discovered that preserving her people's way of life means heeding the call to adventure/call of the sea, means venturing into the unknown to learn new things and conquer trials... it means meeting with The God, Maui (instead of the Goddess) means confronting The Mother (Instead of the father) but instead of defeating her like a Hero, healing her like a Heroine. It really beautifully juggles the two cycles in a way that doesn't give either one supremacy over the other, in the truest Reconciliation/Union of proposed masculine and feminine. (Yes, the Te Ka/Te Fiti reveal was 100% a textbook Vader moment.)

But of course the big pitfall this, and the original Hero's Journey fall into is the assumption of some kind of deeply essential gendered aspect of psychology, and not separating elements of biological impulse as they relate to psychology from the heavy HEAVY filter of socialization. On the one hand, I still believe the Hero's Journey, and some variations of the Heroine's Journey(s) can absolutely be utilized in writing in a deeply meaningful and largely accurate and affecting way. But I'm also very much in favor of seeking out alternatives to these in ways that pursue more of that universal appeal that Campbell thought he'd tapped into. But that is yet another rant entirely...

[anika-ann]

What I’d Never Say or Do (Had I Been in My Right Mind) - Pt.1

We Both Break Free (…if We Make It on Top)

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2, part 3)  

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader    Word count (Ch1): 2050

Series summary: A story in which you officially come back from the dead, Tony with Natasha decide to take the blame for the whole mess and organize a party with unexpected party crashers and Bucky should consider thinking before speaking.

Fic title applicable to Tony, Natasha, Steve and his soulmate (aka the Reader), Bucky and his sort-of-buddy Matt Murdock and possibly few more.

Ch.1 summary.: In which Natasha and Tony go mad.

A/N: This series will be just a smaller thing, snippets set around The Age of Ultron (and later, Endgame). Later will be referred to as WINSoD because the title is a monster.

Warnings (ch1): mention of death and resurrection, mention of superntural creatures (see Errare Humanum Est), language, fluff

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Tony Stark was a ridiculously theatrical person.

While that was no news to anyone who knew as much as his name at least, but he still managed to outlive the legend, the reputation that preceded him.

He left you standing by the door, walked in to gain the undivided attention of the person inside the office and wanted you to reveal yourself in the exact right moment – a moment he trusted you to recognize.

Well. You assumed with a revelation like yours, it was rather hard to keep the drama away. But leave it to Tony Stark that he would blow it to proportion just to have fun.

“Tamara, darling!” the billionaire howled, the door opened only for a crack, so you could hear the reaction. You rolled your eyes, sighed and nervously looked around. The department was empty safe for the woman in the office, but it still made you feel uneasy; probably the effect of having to hide for the past weeks to avoid detection that could lead to a major scandal.

“Oh god, what happened?” Tamara asked, sounding as horrified as annoyed.

“Why do you assume— okay, that’s fair. How’s you hubby doing?”

“Alright,” the poor woman answered, clearly suspicious. “I more or less cleaned up the latest mess, so I’ve been coming home early…”

“Yeeeeah, about that. I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?” Tony offered cheerily.

“Bad news. Always. Let me just sit down-- no, no, don’t let me sit down, I have a feeling I’ll wanna pace irritably.”

That caused the corners of your lips to turn up. You were starting to like this woman already.

“I’m gonna need you to deal with a major scandal worthy of your skills.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere and I assumed as much.” Now you officially loved her – and you saw why Tony did too. Sass and snark; Tony’s language. “So, care to elaborate?”

“Nah, I’ll give you the good news. You’re gonna get some help. I brought reinforcements. She doesn’t have much experience with PR-” Try none. “-but I’m pretty sure she’ll be the one all the questions will be aimed at.”

“Oh my god, Anthony, did you get a woman pregnant?!” the woman hissed, not bothering lowering her voice. She sounded… kinda pissed. Which was reasonable, given the fact Tony Stark was happily-not-single with one amazing Pepper Potts.

“What? No! I have Pepper!” he opposed her, having the nerve to be offended. You smirked, hoping Jarvis caught that one line too. “This is all on Capsicle-“

“Captain Rogers got a woman pregnant?! What the-“

You felt like this was the moment.

“No, Mrs…. Tamara,” you said it the end, realizing Tony never told you the poor woman’s last name, and entered the room. “But his soulmate sort of came back from the death.”

Tamara was a middle-aged woman, with blonde medium-length hair and huge majestic glasses, business suit in a bloody-red colour and lips perfectly shaped in an “O” as you demonstrated the problem at hand.

“Holy. Shit.”

Leave it to Tony Stark he would flee the moment an actual explanation was needed, letting the others deal with the aftermath of his dramatic tendencies. To be fair, this was more of your drama, so…

“Good. Looks like introductions are not needed. I’ll send you the necessary data. Have fun.”

He strode through the door, winking over his shoulder at you and sending an air kiss to Tamara and you nervously smiled at the woman, your awkward side showing when you raised your hand to a reluctant wave before you could realize a handshake would be more appropriate.

“Uhm. Hi…”

The blonde blinked several times, shook her head with an incredulous chuckle and stuck out her hand.

“Hi. I’m Tamara, Antony Stark’s cleaning service. What can I do for you?”

Oh yeah. You’d get along just fine.

…

The story was simple and yet enough to make at least two Avengers very much hated.

Tony and Natasha, perhaps from some residual guilt of which you weren’t sure where was coming from, were determined to be thrown to the wolves of public.

Apparently, it had been all their idea – to have Steve and you kidnapped in the first place by the bomb enthusiast psycho. They had caught something fishy, been aware of it for a long time and opted for drawing the something rotten within SHIELD and company out by leaking early info on where you and Steve would be going to dates for several nights in a row without your or Steve’s knowledge. Perfect bait with nearly perfect surveillance background and safety measures.

Predictably, it had gone to shit and while you had never been blown up to death, which was something Steve had had zero clue about, you had been recovering from your life-threatening injuries for weeks in a hidden facility of top-secret location with way too much security. Still without Captain America’s knowledge.

Admittedly, this tale was a PR nightmare in making, not to mention a complete bullshit. Yet, the Avengers (sans Steve so far) unanimously approved of it. Tony and Natasha would be the first to blame, while the rest would reluctantly admit they knew as well and they had all kept it from Steve.

“You can’t be serious,” was all you managed to come up with, Steve sitting on the couch next to you while the rest of the team, the part that was momentarily on Earth, gathered around you to break you the news. This was what they came up with? “People will hate you.”

“And their hearts would still bleed for their golden boy, who would forgive us in time, especially since we offered his girl a job and an apartment she can’t quite refuse.”

“Wait, what kind of a job?!” Steve snapped, waking up from the deep thoughts he had fallen into with this stupid talk.

“The non-dangerous kind, Steve, calm down, please,” Natasha cooled him off flatly, but you could see her sincere gaze when it met with Steve’s. We wouldn’t endanger her, not again, it whispered. Steve’s shoulders slumped.

“What kind of a job?” you echoed, still worried. You assumed the apartment Tony mentioned was a place in the Tower, not bothering to ask about that part.

“PR. Unless you want to deal with your old job of which I have no doubt your best buddy would give back. I’d just like to remind you how the public reacted to you dying.”

Right. You wouldn’t mind a little privacy and safe space. You liked your old job, but it didn’t seem like an option now. Except… this was crazy.

“But they will still hate you. It makes you guys terrible friends and teammates. Frankly, it makes you kind of… terrible people,” you said slowly, taking time to examine everyone’s face.

“She’s got a point,” Steve agreed, wheels in his head clearly turning in a lightning speed.

“Meh. You should know what Fury’s up to during his ‘the end justifies the means’ periods – which is non-stop. I wouldn’t worry about that,” Natasha shrugged it off, pursing her lips a bit.

“Wasn’t it you who said you weren’t sure how to get her back to the world without having to explain she was literally led by an angel from Heaven?” Clint reacted to Steve, who sighed.

“Yes, of course, but this-“

“-is perfectly believable,” Natasha interrupted him, raising an eyebrow before beckoning to Tony and herself. “Me and Tony came up with the operation – a spy and a billionaire with questionable conscience. We pulled the rest of the team into the charade. This can work.”

“I can’t say I’ll enjoy this,” Bruce entered the conversation for the first time, surprising everyone. “However, it will allow you to walk the streets freely – with uncomfortable questions, yes, but it is a reasonable deal for us.”

“Steve? Thoughts?” the spy turned to him again.

Your soulmate observed his team for a long time, just like you, watching each of them individually, trying to read them as he himself was conflicted and undecisive. Finally, his eyes settled on you, a hint of an encouraging smile on his lips.

“Doll? How do you feel about that?”

The softness of his voice, the actual freedom he gave you when it came to this decision warmed your heart and made you shudder at the same time. You had no doubt he had come to a decision; but the final step was on you and you only. He would be affected too, of course, but this was your life that could turn upside down for like… what, the third time since you had met him?

You worried your teeth over your lower lip. “I mean… I’d really appreciate not having to hide in here all the time, but… I don’t want people to hate you, guys. I feel like I caused enough problems-“

“No, doll,” Steve whispered, his hand covering yours and squeezing firmly as he locked his gaze with yours and didn’t let go. “I’m not asking about them. I’m asking about you. They are clearly willing to do this.”

“Are you?” you questioned despite being confident about his answer.

“Do I love you?”

That caught you off guard. “Huh? That’s not what I-…?”

What did that even mean? Did he love— come again? How was this about his feelings towards you all of sudden? Was it time to question them? God, you hoped NOT.

“That the newest version of asking whether the sky is blue, doll,” he explained with a lop-sided smile and you released a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding.

Idiot. Sap. Sweet-talker.

“You’re such a sap.”

“You love it,” he hummed confidently. You smiled despite your better judgement. You loved him. And yeah, you loved this silliness too.

“I do.”

“So… are we doing this? Together?” His smiled grew a little wider, the twinkle you adored appearing in his eyes and you couldn’t but squeeze his hand back.

“Yeah. Together.”

“Jarvis, send Dum-E with some insulin shots,” Tony cleared his throat and you felt your cheek dust with a blush, roughly pulled out of the haze Steve managed to put you in once again. “We’re all having unhealthy sugar rush.”

The captain rolled his eyes. “Har, har, Stark. Are you guys really okay with this?”

Clint huffed. “It’s not like people will start planning our assassination more than they do already.”

“Tamara might,” Natasha opposed, amused.

“Ah, poor Tamara, I better bring a wine with me when asking…” Tony mused, scratching his goatee.

You turned to the red-head spy, not happy about being out of the loop.

“Who’s Tamara?”

Tamara, the head of the PR department for Tony (and sometimes for the Avengers too, because those two clients, so to speak, often came as a package deal), was currently starring at you speechless when you told her the tale of what actually happened and what lie they had decided to feed the public.

The silence lasted long enough for you to start worrying.

“Are you alri-“

“Angels are real?!” she burst out, nearly making you jump out of your skin with the sudden exclaim. You placed your palm over your chest to keep your racing heart inside your ribcage.

“…yes. But so are demons, shapeshifters, witches and so on, so…”

“Not a good thing to go public with. Got it. I understand the cover-up now. Though people being able to be resurrected would be enough on its own even without the… creatures. My my… we have a lot of work to do.”

“I’d imagine,” you agreed, not having a clue how to do this and where to start.

The woman looked at you over the rim of her glasses, her smile kind, in the Stark contrast to her loud cry only few second ago.

“…you don’t have any experience with PR at all, do you?”

“Nope,” you admitted, accenting the P and looking away, ashamed that Tony threw you into this without giving you anything helpful.

Now Tamara had to deal with the scandal and with you trying to help. That woman was worthy of some serious pay raise (though you had no doubt Tony paid her enough for her to own a villa or something, exactly as much as she deserved for dealing with his shit).

“I’m gonna kill Anthony, I swear…. Okay,  let’s get this shit on the road. Also, Jarvis? Tell Antony to get the freakin’ wine ASAP.”

Oh yeah. You would actually adore Tamara, you were sure of it.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Part 2

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Here we go! The final part of the series. Admittedly, I’m not sure about quality of this thing, but I’m trying.

Chapter titles are taken from the chorus of Les Friction’s What You Need

Thank you for reading ♥

(I’ll be tagging my Errare Humanum Est taggies, if you don’t want ot be taggged anymore, let me know)

[casualotptrash]

Why the Persona 3 FES vs Portable Debate Makes Me Want to Fly Into the Sun Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Hello everybody and welcome to Part 2 of this emotionally fueled rant. In my previous post I went over a lot of the changes that Persona 3 Portable makes from Persona 3 FES, and how a majority of them can make the game more enjoyable for certain people. This spawned from the comment I see a lot, which is that instead of playing Portable people can just play FES with a controllable party mod and it makes everything hunky dory.

Below I will go over the next thing that infuriates me about this whole discussion: the idea that FES is objectively better because it has cutscenes and is not done in the “visual novel” style of Portable.

To cut to the chase, Portable gets shit on quite a bit for its presentation and some choices available in the game. One of the most popular suggestions I see when someone is asking which game to play is to first play FES and then play Portable for the FeMC route, if they want to see that one. This is in order to get the “real” experience first, and I think that is some bullshit.

It seems people forget completely that Portable has a Male route option! Newsflash, it does. As far as I know, other than the gameplay changes I mentioned in my previous post, the Male route in Portable is exactly the same story-wise as FES. However, I assume this isn’t brought up because people who enjoy FES and don’t like Portable consider the FeMC route the only reason to do a run of Portable. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue....but this isn’t really the case.

What elevates this into being a part of the reason why I hate this debate is because I see so many people essentially demand that newcomers to the game play FES first. They say it is the “real” way to experience the game, and they say that everyone will have more of an impact from FES and enjoy the game more. Like I said, I see this so often that it frustrates me. Shout out to people who are actually cool about the comparisons and don’t sound like they’re forcing the newcomer into either game. Anyway, there is one glaring, serious issue with this type of statement about FES.

It is completely subjective.

Surprise surprise, an opinion is subjective. Now I know that sounds obvious, but remember I’m talking about the issue where people act like FES is factually better than Portable. So much so that they say it’s the “real” way to experience the game.

I’m going to be real with y’all, I know for a fact that if I had played FES first I would have taken way longer to finish it, might have not even finished it, and definitely wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much. Thankfully I had a family member who got me into Persona, so when discussing which version I would play I decided P3P would be better based off of what he said, and he also happened to have the game on Vita.

I think the main reason that this statement gets thrown around is because 1. FES was the first of the two to come out, so it could be seen as the best experience by the people who played it first or became a sort of “classic” among the fans, and 2. it is coming from a specific crowd in the Persona fandom.

As anyone who steps into the fandom can see, people play Persona for a wide variety of reasons. Some play for the gameplay, and like to challenge themselves to beat the game on the hardest difficulty with one persona only. Others play for the social sim aspect of the game, and enjoy the dating, characters, and social links/confidants. Obviously the story brings most people into the game in the first place, but some might enjoy the story and the lore of the series the most.

I am not trying to knock anyone from any of those categories, but I think the reason that this statement about FES gets thrown around is because it comes from the first and perhaps third category of people.

For the first category of people, they think Portable is too easy (despite a harder difficulty than FES being implemented and the option to just use the tactics like FES) and prefer the FES combat. I have even seen someone try to explain the lack of direct control of party members by saying that the MC wouldn’t be able to “control” the party members and they would do whatever they want, aka the party members would have autonomy if they were real. I can see this being a nice little headcanon about the gameplay, but they also don’t mention that you can do the exact same thing in Portable and set party members to something other than direct command; so it’s not really applicable to the argument of why FES’s combat is better as far as the tactics are concerned.

I assume that the main gripe with the story of Portable from FES fans, aka some changes to the plot with the FeMC route (a rant for another time because the changes to the plot aren’t that well-done in the first place...so they don’t really change the story...) and the overall presentation of the story, is from the third category of people.

This is brought up with two factors: the lack of cutscenes and an overworld in Portable, resulting in a “visual novel” type of presentation. Like I mentioned earlier, this is a bad reason to say that one game is better than the other because it is completely subjective. Some people may really benefit from the cutscenes and overworld, while others might not care that much. That being said, I can understand the issue with the lack of cutscenes a lot more than the issue with the overworld. It makes sense that a cutscene could have a larger emotional impact, depending on if it is well done or not. However, I really don’t understand the problem with the overworld. I suppose it’s cool to see Port Island in 3D...but the mechanics are really not that different in Portable? An argument could be made that moving in the 3D environment makes people feel more connected to the locations, but like I just mentioned the mechanics aren’t too different so a player in Portable is still seeing all of the locations and “moving” around in it. The difference is that they’re just moving a dot instead of a character model. Now I do like the idea of an overworld better, and I agree it’s cool to see your model walking around and to see all of the party members in the dorm and such, but I think it is the weakest point to bring up when trying to say that it affects the plot in any significant way. Lastly, for the lore bits, I assume people in this category like the addition of The Answer, but even opinions on whether or not that is worth it are very divisive.

(Side note, I forgot this in my previous post but Portable also adds the fast travel mechanic like the one P4 has, so instead of needing to run everywhere like in FES you can just fast travel to locations)

However, this is still my subjective opinion on the matter so do with that what you will. Perhaps it does really affect someone’s enjoyment of the game, but claiming it will affect everyone’s enjoyment is just a false statement to try and spout.

If you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned the second group, it’s because I believe they would either like Portable a bit more or not see much difference between the two. I personally fall into this category. To be honest I don’t think the visual novel style took that much away from the story itself, and I really enjoyed the additional social links with the male party members in the FeMC route. I think it gave them a lot more “life” per say, and elevated their characters from being good to great. I will agree that the lack of cutscenes made some scenes a little less impactful/cool, such as the MC persona awakening, but that didn’t negatively effect my experience with the game as a whole. In fact, Persona 3′s cast is actually my overall favorite of the three neo-Persona games, and in large part because of the additional characterization that Portable gives them.

Well...I think that’s everything I had to say? Overall, just uh don’t try and force someone to play either of the versions because of your own subjective views, don’t act like those views are anything but subjective, and let people come to the decision themselves based on facts about both of the games (Ex. They can decide themselves if no cutscenes would impact them or not rather than someone stating it will impact them less for sure).

I think this all really just boils down to needing a legit, definitive version of the game...but I’ll save that for later :)

(Last side note, I know emulation is a thing but why do people suggest buying/emulating/a mix of that for two games instead of just one game or the other? This is 100% me being lazy but that just seems like a lot of work when you could either buy one game and get the content, or buy another game and get the content in a slightly different way (barring The Answer).)

[bonaintan]

A Journey to KGSP/GKS: How I Ended Up in Korea

Everyone has at least one turning point in their life. It’s a momentum when one believes that his/her life has completely changed and a new one has begun. To me, KGSP/GKS is one of my turning points. I wouldn’t say that my journey to get the scholarship and my student life in Korea were full of blood and tears. Tough days were there, but there must be a bunch of more heart-breaking stories other than mine. God allows us to experience things and difficulties within our ability and even though I had mine in an unexpected way, I know that He had been very soft to me all the time. It was the time when I learned different versions of myself I never knew existed. And just now, months after I graduated and managed to finish the program safely that I had the courage to share my experience.  

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Korean Government Scholarship Program (KGSP), which has changed its name into the Global Korea Scholarship (GKS), is a scholarship program from the Government of the Republic of Korea. This program provides foreigners the opportunity to continue to higher education (undergraduate and graduate degree programs) in South Korea. You may click here for more information.

Studying abroad has always been one of my dreams since high school. It turned from a mere dream into a plan once I graduated from university. Given my major is not a common one (Family Science) especially in Indonesia, I knew that I should go overseas to do my master’s degree program. I could’ve just continued my studies at the same university where I graduated, but even my advisor suggested to find some overseas universities, the most possible one is in Malaysia. At the time, Korea hadn’t been on the list as I had no idea if any universities were providing my prospective major.

I only did my research on schools in Malaysia and the US until I ran into a broadcast message about overseas scholarship for graduate programs. The list was quite long so I did a quick scan and started to dig into each based on my country preference, where Korea happened to be one of it. Back then, my knowledge of Korea was limited to dramas that I got to watch along with my older sisters (if you have three older sisters you can hardly choose what to watch on TV) and then some bands my little sister listened to. So I’ve been a fan of the Korean entertainment industry before coming to Korea, but studying there was never on any of my imaginations because I was skeptical on the idea of learning a new language (there were days when I laughed on Korean language and how the actors/actresses look, never imagined it would be part of myself in the future).

Surprisingly, the moment I learned about KGSP/GKS, I decided to give it a go. I did calculations on time and energy that I had (I was working at the time) and knew that I could afford only one scholarship application at the time. So I wrapped up my research on other countries and scholarship programs and spent the rest of the year preparing for KGSP/GKS applications, which means that I literally gave my all to my first scholarship journey. As a person who was spoiled by her parents and never had experience in scholarship application before, it was quite overwhelming. But, I tried hard to prepare everything myself despite their disapproval. It was actually my way to show them as well as God that I could do it and I would make it (what a confidence. Lol).

I sent my application to the Korean Embassy in Jakarta as I applied via Embassy Track. I learned that the competition on the first round through this track was not a joke, but I simply preferred having three university choices rather than one and I didn’t want to take a risk of having my documents lost on the way (that’s odd, I know, but I’m always more on the safe side). Thank God, I got the interview call and then had my documents sent to Korea after passing the interview process. The next round was having my documents screened by the Korean National Institute for International Education (NIIED) in Korea and once I passed this process, I had to wait for the email from my chosen universities, whether they wanted to do another interview or directly announced their decision. At this round, a lot of awardees say that you’ve already put your first step in Korea and there will be at least one university that will accept you. The saying was such a tranquilizer for me that I even started to make my packing list (’m not always this confident, seriously).

I got the first email from Kyungpook National University who was interested in my application and sent me a written interview. While undergoing the university selection process, applicants have to submit the medical check-up form. And it was around that time when things started to go down the hill. It should be easy if you have no history of having any acute diseases. I was not a healthy kid myself so I was quite worried that something off would unveil. It turned out that the underlooked mental health check-list was the one that got in my way. I took my medical check-up in a nearby hospital which happened to be a mental hospital where the doctor couldn’t simply sign my form without doing all the tests including the mental one. So, I had to take a written test to get the psychiatrist's signature, which unfortunately turned out that she didn’t want to give.

It was probably the wrong time to take the test. I was tired and drained out after taking several tests in a day. But, I know the result wouldn’t turn out differently had I done it on another day. So, I had to respond either yes or no on 300 questions. I guess the test basically tries to reveal your mental state (e.g., stress, anxiety, depression) through your fears and your response to stressful situations. Unfortunately, my result didn’t come out well. As silly as it sounds, I couldn’t hold my tears in the counseling room when the psychiatrist showed me the result and told the story of people with similar cases like me and what happened to them. I sobbed not because she couldn’t give her recommendation, but because finally came the day when someone put my condition into words. It might sound like I was being judged and the way she frankly explained it to me was also unpleasant, but nothing was wrong with what she said which made me feel even worse.

You might think I could’ve just taken the test again in another hospital. But, I couldn’t let my money go down the drain, and asking my parents’ money was not part of the plan. Plus, I had no ample time to do it all over again and get the results on time. More than anything, I started to doubt my decision to study abroad. I knew that the fear of living away from my parents and not being able to handle things independently had always been there all along (I don’t know if anyone at my age could relate). Not only one person who pointed it out, but I kept on denying it. So, when it was brought to the surface especially by a professional, it was painful to the point that I considered withdrawing because I couldn't even trust myself to take a risk.

Surprise-surprise, only a few days after the medical check-up I received the acceptance email from Kyungpook National University. I took it as a yes from God. I had come that far and I wouldn't trade my spot for some future events no one never knew would really happen. So, with as much courage as I had, I took the mental health test again suggested by the kind nurse who listened to me crying in the counseling room, answered the same questions differently, and managed to receive the psychiatrist's signature to complete my medical form. Later, I got the acceptance notifications from Pusan National University and Seoul National University as well, which I ended up choosing the latter for my graduate school in Korea.

---

Preparing for KGSP/GKS applications and undergoing the selection process for months have taught me the pain of waiting and struggling. At one point, it showed me that I could push my boundary and instead of jumping out of my comfort zone, I tried to widen it and made things that were used to be hard become part of myself. With the permission of God, I could turn myself into such an overconfident head by asking prayers from people I know (in case my family’s prayers were not strong enough to persuade God. Lol). At another point, I was awakened to things I have been feared to deal with although I know I eventually have to. Confronting my fears wasn’t always pleasant nor that it affected me positively and became part of my comfort zone, but I did my share by trying to face it. At the end of the day, I learned Ikhlas and literally let God do the rest and decide for me. While waiting for the announcement I pictured the day I was rejected, hoping that it would ease the pain later. I also told myself hundred times that everything would be okay even if I failed as long as the sun still rises; I would cry my eyes out for days, receive comforting words halfheartedly, and wake up one day feeling okay again. 

And my journey to be part of KGSP/GKS came to a beautiful end as I flew to Korea in August 2016 and started the real struggle for 3 years. Some of what the psychiatrist said back then about people with similar cases like me did happen to me too, but I finished it differently. It was tough years and only God’s mercy and the people I spent my time with in Korea that helped me to stay sane and get through it. 

[hancfubuki]

character analysis;

SAKURA FUTABA

alright, lads. those who know me or followed me on my previous blog know that i LOVE to do this. i need to clarify that i study psychology, so these analysis is coming from a professional point of view ( which i do mostly to reinforce my essays because like, teachers love to make us analyse movies and characters lol ) and solidify my characters as my passion is giving a feeling to them of ACTUAL human beings. 

now, i have seen many headcanons of futaba being autistic but, yet again, from a psychological perspective i don’t see it, and i’m gonna explain why. ( however if you headcanon her as autistic is completely valid. this is a personal analysis and perspective ).

if you have a character analysis request let me know and i’ll be more than glad to do it!!

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG POST. I’LL TRY TO MAKE IT AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE BUT I KNOW BEFOREHAND IT IS FOR SURE GONNA BE LONG. 

breaking down the character i can see clear signals of depression, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, hikikomori syndrome and selective mutism; this last one is commonly mistaken with the autistic spectrum because the common knowledge is associating the non-verbal behavior with the autistic spectrum or cases of schizophrenia, but in fact, this condition is not only applicable to those disorders. in real life, some people have been diagnosed with autism when in fact they suffer selective mutism, so it’s better to actually understand the root of the disorder before jumping to conclusions and giving an actual diagnosis. 

let’s start with a short definition of each condition:

MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER: this condition affects negatively on the way a patient feels, thinks or acts. it causes severe feelings of sadness and in the majority of the cases loss of interest in activities that were formerly enjoyed. this also has an effect on the patient’s behavior and can also lead to physical problems. 

( SOCIAL ) ANXIETY DISORDER: a pretty common condition ( there are studies that say that nearly 30% of the adult population suffer from this disorder ). this is actually a normal reaction of the brain when it senses excessive fear or stress, it alerts our brain of possible danger and sometimes it can escalate and turn into panic attacks. 

AGORAPHOBIA: derives from the anxiety disorder. it is the fear of open, big spaces that can handle large crowds. usually the patient’s affected with this phobia feel fear mostly because they anticipate situations like using public transportation, standing in line, etc. it causes an immense fear that leads to panic attacks because they feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. in some cases, this phobia starts because of previous panic attacks, so the patient will try to avoid those places and if something triggers that feeling, the phobia is going to act up.

HIKIKOMORI SYNDROME: this is a japanese culture-bound syndrome. it affects mostly young people in japan. they live isolated from the world, most of them locked down on their parent’s house ( some of the cases might communicate ONLY with their relatives. in the most severe cases they won’t speak to anyone at all ). this lock down can last days, months or years and it is heavily influenced by the internet and technology, as the it is their only escape. 

SELECTIVE MUTISM: also derives from anxiety disorder. the patient is unable to speak in CERTAIN social situations. it usually starts on childhood but it also affects adults. contrary to its name the person does not refuse to speak, they don’t have a choice as they are truly UNABLE to speak. certain people triggers panic on them and this causes the talking to be impossible, as it is an anxiety disorder, the person will anticipate situation as well that cause distress. however, despite of this trigger the people that suffer from this condition is able to speak freely to close family circles and friends as they don’t really trigger a freeze response on them. mostly this fear comes from the expectation the other person might have on them, and this provokes the anxiety causing a great difficulty responding or initiating verbal communication.

moving to her personality and background, from the very first moment we notice the anxiety coming from her, she is only able to communicate behind a screen and with an alias as she does not really completely trusts the phantom thieves. why do i think she has selective mutism instead of being under the autistic spectrum? easy, when you start the game you can notice sojiro constantly getting calls ( and we realize later on they were from futaba ). meaning that she is able to bond properly with him, sojiro even explains later on the game that she didn’t eat nor talk for a long time and little by little he was regaining her trust to let her know that she wasn’t alone. still, you can notice sojiro’s guilt as he is not able to take her out of the house and he is happy that at least she is eating but still you can see the traces of the depression and anxiety on her personality.

futaba explains her desire to die, a common thought that derives from depression as the people that suffer this condition usually see life as meaningless. she doesn’t want to be seen either, so she covers her face and any trace that could easily identify her because yet again, she needs trust to speak normally to another person, besides she has this constant fear of being judged which shows her anxiety. 

also a very important point is that people with this affections ( anxiety and selective mutism ) is that they might come off as RUDE or BLUNT ( something we notice on futaba ), because they are well, socially inept. however, as soon as she starts spending more time with the thieves she starts acting more relaxed and it’s when she starts showing her cheerful, childish side. i truly believe that these conditions started from her childhood, because as it is stated on her story line, she grew up being a lonely child. kids would just ignore her because she was considered a genius, her mother was never home and she started believing that her mother cared more about her research than being with her, this plus the lack of friendships and her mother’s dead only developed a severe anxiety disorder that later on was going to evolve in the conditions i explained previously. 

the thieves indeed help her to slowly start her process of overcoming her fears, and it shows that initially she didn’t really got along well with all of them, especially makoto because makoto has a more mature vibe than the others and this would only intimidate her and made it hard to actually catch her attention because most of the subjects makoto would bring were considered boring for futaba. remember that social anxiety causes that, you are not going to bond with everyone and only trust can lead to a relationship of reciprocate interest. 

overall, we can see how throughout the game she starts doing better. she creates a list with joker that allows her to conquer her own fears and well, after all everything is a process that takes years. she still relies a lot on the internet, but now she has real interaction and friends, but still when joker is about to leave she thinks about the possibility of them no talking to her anymore because akira is actually the glue in the group. of course thankfully it didn’t go that way, and they remained closed even after their leader left ( it’s canon on P5D don’t touch me ). akira is such an important figure for her as well, he has a lot to do with her improvement and i sense ADMIRATION coming from her, because akira is everything she would never dare to be. however the best chemistry she has among her friends are ryuji and yusuke, as they are easygoing, eccentric people and it’s easier to pick up trust on their personalities, as well as morgana as she shows a deep love for cats. ann, makoto and haru are the completely opposite of what futaba is yet the friendship still work because they take up on the big sis role for her. makoto is extremely mature so she actually helps her to find her boundaries, ann might have caused an issue on her self-esteem at some point but she also is someone she admires because futaba realized that she is not only looks, instead, she is an actual warrior who deals with a lot of things, and haru is the fluff ball that actually spoils her. all the different personalities among the group helps futaba towards her rehabilitation ( i’m sorry, i had to LMAO ). 

an important aspect is sojiro, HE DOESN’T PRESSURE HER INTO ANYTHING, he knows and understand what she is going through and he let her be because he is aware that HE CANNOT CHANGE HER. change and getting better is a personal decision, and of course a person needs support but you can’t actually do it for them. honestly, sojiro is a GREAT paternal figure and he deserves all the love he gets because he is so caring and understanding that he contributes to her growing. also the balance in the group of friends is really important for a person who suffers from severe anxiety disorders because it allows them to interact and explore things that are out of their comfort zone, and this is the case with the thieves. they are so different yet so similar that it is easy for her to understand how despite having a similar background it affects everyone differently, leading her to open up her mind a little and allowing her to understand that the change lies within her.

in summary, we can notice a big change on futaba, she is more comfortable outside and with people and she eventually will be over her traumas. remember that she is still growing up and she has a lot to go through, there will be good and bad times, probably future traumas that might affect her anxiety but that’s what i love about her character, it’s not about “getting cured of the conditions” is learning to live with them because they are apart of you. and this is what the character development on my futaba portrayal will go, it will be her accepting her anxiety and realizing that anxiety doesn’t control her but instead finding balance. 

[chaoticspacefam]

I stayed up way too late to answer these, it was worth it

Questions by @pauletta-00​ *dances* here we gooo, some cautions before reading the answers: 1) will contain spoilers for much much later in the fic so don’t read the answers if ya don’t want dem spoilers. I’m gonna try and keep ‘em vague enough that they don’t give everything away, cause I gotta make ya go read it, don’t I now? 😉 2) While I follow KOTFE/ET as a loose guideline it is just that. A guideline, in a lot of places we veer waaaaayyy off the established canon because *singing to the tune of a popular song* ✨it’s my fanfic and I do what I want to ✨ so don’t any of y’all yell at me because my headcanons are different pls? ok good :D

With that out of the way, the questionsss

1. Starting with basics. Who is your Outlander (which class, what their aligment)? How did they end up being frozen in carbonite for 5 years? Why did you make them the Outlander?

(my own art because losing an eye is not a scar option in-game and it’s one of her most defining features)

Vano Saal-Shenly - Canon Sith Warrior (alignment: Light IV in game, I class her as Neutral Good) and Empire’s Wrath. She got made the Outlander because it just made the most sense, also there are some parallels between her fate/whereabouts (including the amount of time they were “missing” to each other) in KOTFE/ET and that of her wife in earlier parts of the (class) story that I very very much did on purpose 😉 She was also the Wrath, so it made the most sense for her to end up on Marr’s ship when it went boom and led into KOTFE. Pretty much follows the canon there, Vano cuts her ship loose, tells her crew + wife to gtfo of there, she and Marr are taken prisoner and she gets frozen in carbonite after the dust up in the throne room. Becomes the Alliance Commander

2. Now, to the rest of classes. What happens to them during KotFE/ET? Did they know the Outlander? Were they allies, enemies, family? Do they join the Alliance or have something else to do? Do they play a major or a minor role in the story? Spare no detail (if you wish, of course).

Aria Saal-Shenly: Human, Major role. Vano’s wife, semi-canon Jedi Consular (alignment: Grey/Dark I, Chaotic Neutral) (follows the Consular story arc grey-Dark aligned, is in fact a Sith Inquisitor playing sleeper agent). Alias “The Wrath’s Shadow” (for obvious reasons) Joined back up officially with Vano during the SoR arc, they marry sometime in the interim between Rishii and killing Revan; on the other flagship with Lana, Theron and the others when Vano’s crew returns to give them the news. Inconsolable after her wife’s disappearance and refuses to accept that she’s dead (they share a Force Bond, so Aria knows and becomes increasingly frustrated when nobody will “listen to her telling them damn it!!”), drives Lana and the others crazy by continuing to try and look for her wife and putting herself in danger in doing so. Sticks with the Alliance, of course, her wife’s the Commander XD helps Vano to manage Odessen-side things of the Alliance, specialising in helping Ni’kasi and Sana-Rae at the Force Enclave of course.

Saarai Ahaszaai: Sith Pureblood, Major role. Niece to Vowrawn and twin sister to Ni’kasi (SI). Alt Sith Warrior in-game. Light I/II, Chaotic Good, but hiding out on Rishii to escape being convicted of a serious crime and exposing her family to Vitiate/Valkorion (who would absolutely kill them if he knew) picked up by Aria and Vano during their search for Lana and Theron during that part of the storyline. Joins up with the Alliance because she and her family have a personal vendetta (tm) against Vitiate/Valkorion and she wants to stab that dude too. Eventually becomes Empress alongside Vano who  remains as the Commander (I still need to work out the details but basically it’s like...coalition government style thing and Saarai and Vano are the joint “final decision” voice mm’kay? hopefully that makes sense), with Lana, Theron and Aria to watch as Marr’s ship go boom. Has to restrain Aria when she loses her shit when they try to tell her Vano’s dead, helps Lana and the others to track Vano down and formulate the rescue plan. Stays with Aria to make sure she stays put like she was told while Lana gets Vano out of carbonite.

Ni’kasi Ahaszaai: Sith Pureblood, semi-Major role. Niece to Vowrawn and twin sister to Saarai (alt SW). Semi-canon Sith Inquisitor/Darth Occulus (follows the canon Inquisitor storyline, but is not related to Kallig, instead related to Vowrawn and lurking in hiding under Vitiate’s nose. Ends up as a “slave” when she takes the fall for her twin’s “crime” in order to protect her.), Light I/Grey, Lawful Neutral. With Saarai and the others on the ship when the big bad happens, sticks with the Alliance (and her twin) to try and track down Vano. Tries to contact Vowrawn and the other Dark Councillors etc., but can’t reach them obviously.

Merak Shenly: Mirialan, Minor role. Younger brother to Vano and friend to Aria as they briefly worked together before Aria returned to being a plant in the Jedi Order, Smuggler, Grey/True Neutral (mostly non-canon as of yet, I need to fully play through the Smuggler story and see how much of it I can graft into the fic-verse if it works or not), takes Aria’s side and works tirelessly to help them track down his sister, is likely the one to find the lead that takes them to Zakuul. Joins the Alliance and works alongside Hylo to run ammo/supplies etc. to the Alliance as they need it.

I haven’t yet played the Bounty Hunter or Trooper storylines, and my only current Imperial Agent is Aria’s mother (Light V/Lawful Good); she runs semi-canon in that she defects to the Republic, but is instead found out by the DC and Aria is sent to kill her as part of her Sith trials, so she’s dead long before KOTFE/ET happens.

I have a Jedi Knight too, but I honestly couldn’t figure out how to put him into the plot so I just left him out for now, I guess he was recruited and is probably in the background somewhere idk sjhsdyuidg

3. What about companions? Do you follow their in-game story or have headcanons for them? Did they stay with your non-Outlander characters or not? Why?

Mainly managed to plan out for the Warrior/Consular companions, haven’t thought deep enough into the Inquisitor companions yet, though I imagine at least Andronikos, Khem Val, Talos and Xalek will likely return to join the Alliance or at least ally with them somehow, because I love them ;-;

Qyzen: Stung by Aria’s betrayal and “leaves” for a while, re-recruited to the Alliance as canon/in-game and the two eventually patch up their relationship (as best they can, but are not as close as before). Tharan/Holiday, Felix, Nadia and Zenith do not return in my fic-verse. They cut ties with Aria after they find out her true loyalties are to the Empire and not the Republic.

Vette: Stays with Aria, Saarai, Ni’kasi etc. initially, eventually goes missing during their searches for Vano and loses contact with the rest of them, ends up teaming up with Gault and returning canonically/as in-game.

Quinn: is court-martialled and thrown in prison after the Quinncident. Released sometime during the five-year carbonite shebang, becomes an officer/aide to Darth Vowrawn, later joins the Alliance along with Vowrawn on Iokath. He and Vano reconcile of sorts, though she no longer considers him a friend and simply a “tactical advisor”. Quinn knows he fucked up so he doesn’t dare complain about it, or Aria will absolutely E N D him.

Jaesa: stays with Aria and co,

4. If applicable: how your characters react if the Alliance joins the opposite faction on Iokath and after that? For example: how do Sith characters feel about joining the Republic? Will they stay or leave (if it’s too spoiler-ish, then feel free to skip this)?

Aria was never truly on the Republic’s side, so she very much supports joining the Empire. Saarai and Ni’kasi originally came from the Empire so of course they’re enthusiastic. Merak is skeptical, but trusts his sister (and sister-in-law) so doesn’t protest even though the Sith do scare him, a lot.

5. If applicable: if your Commander decides to be a saboteur, would they tell anyone (PC or companions)? Why/why not?

Haven’t got this far yet to be able to plan this out, lemme get back to you when I do lol

6. How would your characters react if one of their companions is exiled or dead because of Outlander’s choices? For example: sith warrior’s reaction if Commander doesn’t save Vette?

Aria pretty much only cared about Qyzen out of her companions, he comes back fine in the end so she’s a-okay. Other than that the only person she would be deeply affected by losing again is Vano herself. She will fucking kill as many someones as she can get to before Saarai stops her if they let her wife go bye bye again.

don’t have a bounty hunter to be upset about Torian. I don’t hate him, he’s a great guy and I really enjoyed his character, but I cannot bring myself to not save Vette ;-; Vette and Vano have a sisterly-like relationship and her lock-picking etc. skills are very important to the Alliance. That Twi’lek ain’t dying on nobody’s watch hahahaha

haven’t yet had a chance to plan out anybody else’s, don’t think there are any choices in game (or that I’ve planned out in the slightly-altered fic timeline) that would affect this. May change as I get that far ahead and add or change things to fit!

7. If you have something written about anything from the above (bc I know some people do), share the links to your works (again, if you feel like it)!

The only thing I have published out on the web atm is Aria’s part of the class story, “Creeping Shadows”, which is on AO3, go give it a read if you want (rated M for mature themes like mentions of drugs & alcohol and frequent swearing etc.):

Creeping Shadows on AO3

I have pretty much all of the rest planned out, I’m just a big dummy who likes to write chronologically and as of yet cannot manage to write multiple fics at once, I will get through every part of this fic if it kills me or takes me 20 years so help me god. If you wanna hear more about my dumb children you can also DM me I could literally yell stuff about them for hours on end 😆😆

[southparkrpg]

TAKEN CHARACTER: RED MARSHELL!!

Howdy, Dread! Welcome to SOUTHPARKRPG. Please find the accepted application for RED MARSHELL below:

OUT OF CHARACTER:

name/alias: dread

age: 19

pronouns: she/her

triggers: none

IN CHARACTER:

name: red marshell

age: june 16th, 2000 [19]

gender: cis female [she/her]

living situation: dormitory, but she visits home often

occupation: english major- honestly, red is only attending the community college for brownie points, and to be where almost everyone else (and, of course, for the parties). taking english as a major seemed like the easiest alternative to other degree programs. she is not  currently employed, though is looking at possible work study opportunities.

sexuality: bisexual

PERSONALITY:

Confrontational / Hard-headed

Red isn’t afraid to speak her mind, even if it might damage her relationships or cause an argument. Sometimes, her confrontational streak is a good thing, is allows her to assert herself in certain situations, but on the flip side, it can also lead to her appearing cold or uncaring towards others. Fortunately, this is often offset by her ability to be compassionate as well- she truly does care about other people, she is simply blunt and refuses to mince words.

Insecure

Red is always the first person to admit that her confidence is shaky at best. Compared to her peers, she often feels untalented, even if she’s loathe to admit it. She places an extraordinary amount of her self-worth on what other’s think of her, which explains her tendency to party, and her social butterfly persona. The thing that makes her the most uncomfortable in the world is being alone, or feeling looked over, and these emotions can manifest in a variety of ways- most notably through anger, jealousy, or sadness, with the latter most being the most prominent.

Courageous / Reckless

Red is always the first one to jump to a challenge, willing to delve into potentially dangerous situations for the thrill. She gets bored if she cannot try new things, and often butts heads with people who are cowardly. While popularity is important to Red, at the same time she’s not unwilling to go outside the box and try something new, so long as she doesn’t think it’ll affect her social status. Her courageous can sometimes feed into recklessness and bad decision making, but as they say- bad choices make good stories.

Party Animal

Red loves to have a good time, and in college, even a shitty South Park community one, it’s a breeding ground for good times. She’s quick to organize parties on the weekend, quick to provide any recreational substances, and also -occasionally- quick to be the first one to pass out on the couch. To her, there’s nothing better than being around good friends with good food and drinks and listening to hit music blaring over the speakers (especially if it’s Justin Timberlake, but she’ll compromise). Her academics suffer because of her interest in partying and other recreational activities.

Music-Lover

Spotify Premium? Check. Apple Music? Check. Pandora Premium? Check. Even Youtube Red? Of course! It even has her name in it. Just about any service out there that offers a music subscription, Red has. More often than not she’s seen with headphones, and she collects records. Her music tends to be pop and contemporary, but she has a few playlists of the classics as well. It’s well known that her favorite singer is Justin Timberlake, for reasons more that just his music, but she’s broadened her horizons the older she got. Still, he remains a childhood favorite.

BIO:

Red graduated at about mid-tier of her class, not too low but not too high either. She was proud of herself regardless though, and so was her father, and that was all that really mattered. Graduation was a time of glory for everyone, and surprisingly, everyone made it. If you asked her in fourth grade if she thought she’d be graduating with all her then-current peers, her answer would’ve been a resounding no.

However, Red was comfortable in South Park. She was relatively popular, comfortable in her position, had many good friends- sure, there weren’t a whole lot of opportunities, but what did she want to do with her life anyway? The kind of pressure that filled her with made her anxious, and when the government regulations began to roll in and the school she applied to a few states away gave her a rejection letter, it was bittersweet. On one hand she was going to miss out on the possibilities awaiting her- a new town, a new image for herself, new friends even. Life had so much more to offer that wasn’t just South Park. But, at the same time, staying in her hometown was undeniably comfortable. Sure, there weren’t a lot of opportunities, but she had good friends and she knew everyone and didn’t have to fear social rejection or not fitting in somewhere else.

South Park Community College became heavily populated with her peers, which made the transition easy- and even though it was still in South Park, living on her own in the dormitories and becoming largely independent for the first time in her life was still exciting. And, of course, all the extra-curricular opportunities college had to offer she was quick to dip her toe into. She never much questioned the government cracking down on their town, weirder things have happened after all.

HEADCANONS:

can always be seen with headphones on, or around her neck if they’re the wired kind. but of course she has airpods

she loves to dance, and while has never taken formal lessons, she’s gotten quite good over the years. she doesn’t usually dance sober (in public anyway)

she also loves to sing, but she’s not very good at it

while she’s technically roman-catholic, she doesn’t go to church regularly, and doesn’t think much about religion

however, she’s very interested in the darker side of spirituality, and is fascinated with spirit boards, tarot cards, palm reading, and all matters of mysticism. unfortunately, a lot of people find this lame, so she keeps the hobby to herself

she runs an aesthetic / astrology twitter under an alias

she is infamous for skipping class, usually from sleeping in, or because she simply forgot and was busy elsewhere

[livingmybestchemistrylife]

Introduction

So where to begin, I guess the start?

I’m from a small town, where everyone knows everyone and their business. That town also just happens to be in a small country (Scotland), and is half way between our two major cities. My mum and her family are from Glasgow, one of those major cities so naturally I spent a generous chunk of my childhood in and around the beautifully mundane and surreal city.

I was always a ‘high flyer’ at school, and it was always a big focus in my life - it was always there when everyone asked about test results, it affected the books I read and more recently my mental health but more on that later. Along with the ‘high flyer’ badge came the expectations and dreams.

From the age of fifteen I was set on doing medicine at university and going on to be a doctor. I found a friend in someone just like me, he’s still one of my best friends now, and we did all our research and prep for applying to uni together. We went to open days, went on extra courses to help us pass mandatory aptitude tests and most importantly, we were there to support each other through the bulls**t that is an application to medical school. He’s another high flyer, and he did so well that he got into medical school and is still plugging away at it 3 years later! Me, not so much. I struggled with the aptitude tests from the word ‘go’. It ended up being the main reason I didn’t get into a medicine course. I didn’t need to do an aptitude test to get into my backup course - biomedical sciences.

The idea was to start on the biomedical sciences course and then internally transfer to medicine, I had spoken to various admissions teams and they said that it would be totally fine to do that. On the first day, in the first lecture, the head of the course said: “Don’t think that you can transfer to medicine. Even with outstanding grades, it is near impossible to do.” My heart sank so far down into my stomach that I felt unwell for the rest of the day. My flat mates, who I’d only met two days before when we moved in to the halls of residence (or halls for short), said I was sheet white when I got back to the flat that afternoon.

I tried my hardest to make the best of a not too good situation. I had worked hard enough at school to advance straight into second year of the course - bad idea. Everyone forms friendships in first year, it was hard to go into a lecture theatre knowing no one and seeing people come in and sit down while talking about their weekends and ideas for essays and projects they worked on together. I was like a little island, I made a handful of acquaintances rather than friends. We only spoke to each other when it was beneficial for us ie about assignments. I had never felt so alone in the world, and then my Grampa got sick.

My Grampa (my mum’s dad) was the bee’s knees. He was the one person I always looked up to when I was little. He was a gentle giant, and a smart man with uncompromising morals. I’m a big fan of doing charity and community work, I’ve been told I inherited that from him. I used to visit him at least once a week, there was even a time I lived with him and my grandma. He hadn’t had the best time of it health-wise, diabetic and prone to heart attacks but he kept up with his meds and regular check ups so it wouldn’t get any worse. Things started to change when I was 10. He started to forget things a bit more - not big things to start with - and his posture started to change, he always sat up really straight in his armchair but he had started to slouch a little. A few years go by and he starts to struggle to recognise people and is a lot more irritable and raises his voice more (remember I said gentle giant, wouldn’t breathe on a fly if it would harm it). He had dementia, linked to his diabetes and heart problems. My grandma struggled with looking after him at home, she is physically tiny so she couldn’t carry him around the house or up stairs. So he was moved to a care home where he stayed for a few years, still visited him as often as I could but with school and then uni and work piling up, that got more difficult. He got an infection in October 2018, a month after I started at university. His body did eventually fight it off but it left him very weak. He made it through one more Christmas. He passed away that January. I knew my mum was visiting him, and I had messaged asking how he was and he had only just gone.

I wasn’t the same after that, I wasn’t ‘okay’ for at least six months. I bombed all my exams at uni and had to resit them. I wasn’t enjoying the classes I was doing, and I was grieving - I wasn’t taking in information because my head was too full of emotions and questions.

After resitting my exams and passing the year, I took the bold step of telling my tutor and year head that I wouldn’t be returning next semester. I needed to take some time for me to figure out what I wanted for me, not what anyone else wanted or what they thought I might like. I was dead sure I was going to do what I needed to do. It was a completely selfish decision and that’s a good thing. I needed to start looking out for me and have my own back again. I had given so much of myself to other people, I was stretched thinner than the skin of a taught drum. I was like the rainbow fish from the kids book, I gave away some of my sparkle but it wasn’t healthy for me in the end. I wasn’t happy like the rainbow fish.

I worked two jobs I loved, visited uni open days on my own and did hundreds of hours of research. Being on my own wasn’t so bad anymore, I was more comfortable in my own company than anyone else’s, so why not enjoy it? I took myself to an open day to see a few science courses on a whim (biomedical sciences might’ve been bad but I still loved other sciences) and drifted into the chemistry information lecture. It was like being in another world. It was so friendly and had everything I needed that biomedical sciences didn’t.

I cried a lot that day. I felt a persistent little tug on my heartstrings and I knew that I was where I was meant to be. I was overwhelmed with the sensation you got as a kid, when you were setting off on an adventure and the serenity that comes with returning home after being away for a long time. And I felt it all at once. I don’t think I had known pure joy properly as an adult until that day.

The rest is history from there. I wrote my application, with my parents helping as editors, and asked the most wonderful teacher I know to give me a reference. Mrs P has written references for me for every application I made while I was at school and helped me through some of the most difficult experiences of my life at school and I know I could never thank her enough.

So here starts the interesting part of the story, this new chapter and beyond, and I can’t wait to begin. I’m determined to enjoy this next part of my life and keep track of what could be the most amazing and formative years.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

Oxygen

[mxnark]

mina’s star bright 2020 audition! 

the form didn’t take as long. if anything, it felt like she was filling out a job application, but she knew that wasn’t entirely the case because she didn’t feel inclined to do this. in fact, she wasn’t even sure if she should. as much as she wanted to, she didn’t want to make a decision that she’d regret. on one hand, she has a crappy audition and they don’t consider her as a worthy applicant at all. on the other, what if her mom found out about this? and what if she… became a trainee? how would she explain this to her mother who she knew would be disappointed in her?

next thing she knew, she was already at the hotel’s parking lot, not even sure if she parked perfectly or not. 

she parked fine. but she could’ve done better.

a lot has happened in the past year. one year ago, mina saw her brother on tv for the second time after getting eliminated the first time and a few months after, he got casted into sphere. she saw chungha, someone she considered a sister, not only go on an end of the year show for her dancing skills but also give her a flyer from the same company that her brother was in. and finally, she confessed to soobin not too long ago (and he liked her back!). after such events, she felt motivated to be here. she felt as if she had wasted this much motivation at home, studying for a test that she definitely was not prepared for, she’d be a loser.

oh… she graduated too. but she doesn’t really care about that.

her being here is a secret that no one knows. she tells her dad she’s having a study date with friends and she tells her friends that she needs to focus at home. no one knows that she’s at this hyatt hotel, other than the few strangers (some with familiar faces) who probably could care less about her life. she feels like a spy and it’s quite thrilling. she never snuck out of the house before while she was in high school. and besides the few arguments she had with her mom and also never telling her about her getting waitlisted, she never actually got into trouble.

she wonders if he felt like this too… maybe he was more in fear the first time, given his personality and situation.

after coming in with her hair in a ponytail and her pink shirt, she fills out the application honestly (struggling a bit with the inspiration portion for fear of being too awkward or not). after she films out the form, she’s taken to a room with lights, mics, a white background for photos (or in this case, video), and a camera. her interviewer introduces themself before letting her take a seat in front of the camera. and after a short camera and microphone test, her interviewer cues her to introduce herself.

“hello, my name is kang mina. i’m eighteen years old! it’s nice to meet you,” she bows her head to the camera with a smile. thanks to her youtube, she’s been on camera multiple times. sure, she hasn’t done any vlog stuff yet, but she’s still able to try and make her way through. she constantly tells herself to calm down. if she lets the pressure of the fact she was auditioning affect her, she’d most likely mess everything up. and she didn’t want to lose her one chance.

“hi mina,” the interviewer starts off. “so, seeing that you’re here with us today, i wanted to ask you something: why do you want to be an idol?”

it’s a question that she has to think about, really. never having done this before, she didn’t know what questions she had to prepare herself for. it was a good question: why is she here in the first place? there had to be a reason for it. and thankfully, she had an answer for it.

“i mean, i grew up watching idols and always admiring how they perform, so i guess you can say that inspired me to think about it,” she replies because she was really not 100% sure if she did want to be one. but, one thing’s for sure is she’d rather be one than… whatever she was supposed to be, according to her mother. “i also have friends who’ve gotten the opportunity to be on stage where i could watch them and admire them, and it just made me want to join in on the fun. when i was in dance club, i always liked performing for people. it made me feel… happy to know that people are seeing me do my best.”

the interviewer nods and continues the interview. “you mentioned dance club? is that the skill you’re best at?” they ask. “are you skilled in other things, too?”

she nods eagerly and a big smile forms on her face. “yes! absolutely! i love dancing,” she answers happily. “it’s what i’m best at! i can sing pretty well and i think my rapping is okay, even though i’m not much of a rapper. but i really like learning new choreographies and dancing to them and just-” she pauses as she realizes how she was practically all over the place. “even though i touch up on my singing a little or even improve on rapping a bit if i want to focus on that, one thing’s for sure is that i am the best version of myself i can ever be when dancing.”

the interviewer smiles, and mina’s not sure why. she doesn’t question it though. instead, she lets the interviewer continue. they look at her application. “it says here that your inspiration is your brother? may i ask what’s your relationship with him? and maybe your family too?”

ah. the fun part, and she thinks that with the most sarcasm. she obviously did not want to ruin the atmosphere of the conversation as she rants about her family, specifically the many issues in her relationship with her mother. but it’s not like she can ask if they can go to another question instead. after all, she did list “my brother” on her form. so her being asked about her family was bound to happen.

so, she nods her head. “well, my brother’s really the only person in the family i can really depend on,” she responds. “i don’t really get along well with my mom. she and i don’t really see eye to eye on most things.” she wants to say more about her relationship with her mother. how even though she understands how her mom wants the best for her, their definition of “best for mina” was different and how her mother makes that clear for her every single chance she could.

so she doesn’t say anything. instead, she moves on to another person to talk about. “my dad is pretty chill. i don’t think i’m his favorite, but compared to my mom, i think he’s more easier to get along with. but that’s okay. i can be my own favorite.” she says that with a smile because she realizes how silly she sounds, but she’s speaking truthfully. she’s been honest this entire interview, actually. “my oldest brother moved with his wife to america, but i don’t really get along with him either and i think it’s because of the age gap between us.”

“how does your brother inspire you, may i ask?”

it’s a long story, mina wants to say. 2 years worth, to say the least. but she knows this interview was only for a few minutes, so she had to mentally pick out events that got her to where she is now. and thankfully, it doesn’t take her too long, considering she found herself thinking of them already while debating whether she could be here or not.

“my brother two years ago is not the same brother i have today,” she explains. “my brother two years ago was a part of a band that i didn’t know about until later on and i didn’t even think my brother had an interest in music until i saw him on the mgas for the first time. before two years ago, i thought he didn’t understand me. i thought he was just some econ major who was just trying hard to please my mom.”

she holds back letting out a pathetic laugh. “but i think it’s the opposite now. i think i’m the one who doesn’t understand him. after seeing what my brother had to go through and having him move out because of the fact that my mom didn’t like that he wanted to have his future involve music… it was… eye-opening?” she shakes her head. “ah, i don’t know. it was just kind of a wake up call for me. to this day, i still don’t feel like i’m a good little sister for him and i can’t really prove to him that i can be better. but honestly, if it weren’t for watching his journey and how he changed, i probably wouldn’t be here right now.” she smiles and nods. “i really look up to him. and i feel like if he’s able to try and go for something i thought was out of his reach, why shouldn’t i?”

she clears her throat. “ah, sorry. i got a bit carried away.”

“no, it’s fine,” the interviewer assures her. “on the topic of journey, though, what is the biggest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far?”

“mmm… i guess trying to get into a university, really,” she responds with a light laugh. “i mean, that’s the one i can really think of at the top of my head right now. i had to study a lot and i had to quit my dance club just so i could focus on going somewhere my mom and dad would want me to go.” she sighs as she looks back on it. “it was… a lot. very mentally taxing. i wasn’t even sure if i was good enough to go to a good school in the first place. and i didn’t even want to be put on that journey. i guess i just wanted to do something my mom would be proud of.” just so i can see what not disappointing her feels like, she wants to say. but she holds back on it. she’s already talked enough about family.

“if you weren’t trying to be an idol, what would you be doing right now?”

it was a question that she thinks was supposed to expand on her college talk. so she complies to it and responds to it. “well, i’d be focusing on school, really,” she answers. “i’d be focused on getting this nurse degree and then once i get my diplomas and go past the other schools for it, i guess i’d be a nurse by the end of it.” she shrugs. “it’s not what i really want, but it’s what would make my mom satisfied, i guess.”

“thank you for the interview, mina,” the interviewer says finally and mina finds herself mentally sighing in relief, even though she got a little comfortable during the interview. “are there any questions you would like to ask me?”

“oh, no,” she responds. “i just hope you have a great day.” ech. she sounds like a kiss ass. maybe she should’ve thought twice before saying that and just stay silent.

“oh! thank you!” the interviewer smiles. “i hope you have a great day, too.”

and she leaves the room calmly as well as the hotel, waiting to get into her car and let out a long sigh. while she did feel confident about the interview, it was still an audition. and all she could do was just hope that it’ll take her far.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, LIA! You’ve been accepted for the role of ROMEO. Admin Minnie: How many times can we tell you how much we love your Roman, Lia!! Our darling boy has changed so much since you began writing him, and it’s been a wild ride and an honor to see him develop. The crown weighs heavy on those whose hearts still believe in good, and Roman is proof of the burden of carrying that weight. I can’t wait to see how you continue pushing Roman forward and capturing our hearts and imagination with your writing. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Lia

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | 6/10. I’ll actually be more active than usual since my classes are online for the time being, but in general, I’ll be able to pop in a few days a week to do replies.

Timezone | EST.

IN CHARACTER

Character | Romeo— The beautiful boy king Roman Montague.

What drew you to this character? | Mannnnnnn… Honestly, my entire body and soul belongs to Roman. Watching him grow in the RP has really been like watching a child grow up??? (yeah I don’t have kids so idk how accurate this statement is) But I wanted to revist the *cough* second time I revisted this part of the application.

“There’s something I’ve always loved about his inherent goodness, and how much he was loved for it. He was never a false prophet, he didn’t need to formulate a false persona, he was always himself, and that was enough for him to be adored. To Verona, Roman was proof that there still was some goodness in Verona, that there was some hope that the entire city wasn’t completely doomed and corrupt. He was proof that the gods hadn’t completely forsakened them. So what happens when he is no longer being shielded from the destitute of Verona? What happens when it begins to corrupt him, when it permeates through his essence? This is exactly what I intend to explore, especially with it being my second time around, and with Roman being a bit more in touch with his sinful side than I left him. ;-)”

He’s just so much more than people give him credit for? And that leads him to be underestimated, but boy— is ready to prove everyone wrong. >:-)

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

(I’ve kept the majority of the previous plots as they are still plots I hope to see through!)

MOTHER DEAREST | There’s no secret that Alba’s mind is deteriorating, and Damiano and Roman’s dismay, not even the best doctors, flown in from all over the world, are able to find a cure. I’m interested in seeing how this would affect the Montague empire, with Roman’s own mother being one of the biggest risks for the empire. I think this would force him to make some tough decisions, ones not even his father is capable of considering, absolutely blinded by the love he has for his Alba.

KING’S NOT DEAD | Roman’s gradual transition of power from his father is occurring much faster than he’d hoped for. Although he’s learning the ropes of being a boss rapidly, it would be interesting to see how he’d react to suddenly being forced to step in for Damiano unexpectedly. Maybe his father suddenly has to suddenly go away on business, or something involving Alba. Shadowing is one thing, but actually acting as the boss, that’s something else entirely. Will Roman be able to step up to the task? Stay tuned and find out ;) (I figured this is something to further be discussed with the admins, lol.)

NO LOST LOVE | If there was ever a woman suitable to rule alongside Roman when he eventually inherits the throne, it would absolutely be Pandora Phan. She is a soldier at heart— clever, determined, and unrelenting. But despite having this in common— the two couldn’t be any less alike. It would be a union devoid of love, completely for purpose and betterment of the mob. Roman understands this, but his love is something he is unwilling to compromise about. Although he’s agreed to the engagement for now, he’s only been keeping it up for the purpose of appearances, and he’s been secretly plotting about a way to end his engagement. It’s only a matter of time before he lets Pandora in on it.

MOST YOUNG KINGS GET THEIR HEAD CUT OFF | Not to say that we have Dark!Roman now, but… we kind of do? I think what is drawing me to Roman once again is his multifacetedness. He’s gradually become a person that is no longer an extension of his father. His motivations have shifted enitrely— before he wanted to take over the mob to appease his father, but this is no longer the case. He recognizes what he’s capable of now, and honestly seeing my bb believe in himself now is amazing. He’s becoming the leader he was always meant to be.….but he’s far from perfect. He’s growing more comfortable with his own depravity. He used to be disgusted at the idea that he took pleasure in the harm of another, but there’s something oddly satisfying about watching the Capulets fall, and rightfully so at that. It makes him feel good— in a twisted, fucked up way actually. It’s as if he’s purifying the streets of Verona. To him, the destruction of the Capulets is his way of serving the greater good. He also now recognizes the benefit of his charm— more than charming people into bed, that is. When he was younger he was just naturally charming without any other ulterior motives? But now he recognizes the advantage it gives him. The adoration that it emits from the people of Verona. They worship him for it. And Roman likes to be worshipped. I think this is a dangerous line for Roman to be crossing… and I am excited to explore this further.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? |  Yeah kill him with fire honestly

IN DEPTH

SAMPLE:

SIDENOTE: So, I wanted to revisit Roman’s first heartbreak as a way to show his growth. This is still under construction honestly (as I would like to develop in further for in character purposes), but for now… here you go! I was hoping to show a shift in dominance??? Damiano’s voice is the dominant voice from the beginning, but in the second para, it shows how much he’s grown into himself by how he stands up to his father and by his taking control of this part of the narrative. :)) I’ve been Roman for so long good lord, so I felt it was only right to give you guys something fresh to show just how much he’s grown over time! Sorry this is long as fuck omg forgive me.

VERONA, 2012

He heard him before he saw him.

It had been Damiano’s idea to have Rafaella write the letter. In reality, Alba wanted to do far worse, but with time, he’d been able to talk her down. It was he who realized Rafaella had been playing him, something the mafioso suspected from the start— but Alba’s insistence that Damiano’s interference would only cause Roman to despise him—beyond repair that is, as he’d already been aware of his son’s distaste for him—led him to sit back and allow everything to play out.

You have to allow him to make his own mistakes, amore mio. We mustn’t interfere until it goes too far— until we suspect he’s putting the mob at risk.

It wasn’t long before the information got back to him— information that could only have been acquired from the loose, fickle lips of his heir. Rafaella had become untouchable and she’d known it. Allowing her back into society, with all the information she’d managed to extract from his gullible son had been risky— but having her blood on his hands would be even riskier. Roman would already despise him for her exile, but her demise? That wasn’t something he was confident his son would bounce back from. The mob was no longer the place for his delicate heart. The loving bubble in which his mother had carefully surrounded him in would no longer do. It was now Damiano’s responsibility to prepare him for his destiny— and he would do so on his own terms.

He recognized the sounds that could only be likened to a wounded animal— the quieted, choked back sobs that Roman so desperately attempted to disguise. Damiano sighed, a mixture of pity and disgrace surging through him. The letter, to put it plainly, wasn’t cutting it. He needed the truth. It would be the only way for him to learn.

Damiano pushed the slightly ajar door open, before taking the seat across from Roman’s bed. He did not acknowledge him, but he attempted to quiet his cries even more. Neither of them said anything for several moments.

“There’s more to it— isn’t there?” Roman began softly, his hands still firmly gripping the dampened letter. “I know it was your decision to make her leave, but I also know there’s more to it.”

Damiano placed his elbow on his thigh, cradling his head carefully in his hand.

“It’s only fair that I give the girl the credit that she’s owed. I wish I could say that this was wholly of my own volition, but unfortunately, there’s far more to the story. Far more than I wish.”

Roman’s head turns up slightly. It is not anger that contorts his father’s face, but disappointment. “C-Credit? For what?”

“She was playing you, figlio. And you made it so easy for her. But I recognized that weakness within you long before she did. You were raised that way, after all. But it will be this way no longer. I can no longer do you a disservice by allowing you to be weak. Naive. Gullible. Because if I do?” Roman recoils as if he’d been struck with every name that falls from his father’s lips. “Then another Rafaella will come around, chew you up, and spit you out effortlessly just as she did.”

“No… Rafaella wouldn’t…. would she?” His eyes searched his father’s for sincerity. Possibly for comfort, he would not receive. It was comfort he’d never received from Damiano, but he still sought it out anyway. Pathetic. Even after everything, he still could not fathom that her love wasn’t true.

“She would, Roman! And you know why? Because the entire purpose of her involvement with you was to undermine you. To undermine our family. She didn’t love you and you need to recognize this. You need to be able to recognize the weakness within yourself, to prevent such ridiculousness from occurring again. You made it so easy for her. Do you know what you do the next time you feel inclined to confide in someone you love?” He paused for a moment, knowing good and well Roman didn’t know the answer to that. “You don’t. Not people outside of the family, at least. People like Rafaella— the recognize what you have. You’ll come to learn that this life— the life of a princeling is a gift and a curse. You’ve never needed to want anything, but everyone will want what you have. And they’ll do anything to get it. When you lay with rats, Roman, you realize that every inch of their being is committed to not appearing like one. But a rat is still a rat. And you gave the rat everything it wanted with minimal effort on its part. And my biggest regret is I allowed it all to happen. I allowed you to be stupid— to be foolish, to believe that what the two of you had, that superficial—” He could not even bring himself to say the word love, not after knowing what true love was. As if Roman and Rafaella’s dalliances were a disgrace to the word. “Do not embarrass yourself like this again. If you are going to be a fit leader, then you can’t continue being somebody people recognize as vulnerable. They’ll never respect you.” His only regret was not turning Rafaella into a weapon— such wasted potential on the slimy Capulets. But even Damiano was not convinced his efforts would work on a pest so deeply committed to being a pest. She’d been better off with Cosimo and his deplorable ways.

“I don’t respect you. You make it so hard to do so when you… ” he bites back his disgust, but he recognizes his efforts are working. The gradual chipping away of Roman’s soft exterior. He would shed his skin in favor of an armor far thicker. “But nevermind that. Your official training begins tomorrow at sunset. We’ll be interrogating a suspected informant. Be prepared for things to get messy. Don’t embarrass me either.” Damiano stands up swiftly, no longer able to stand the sight of his son.

“Papa?” Roman utters quietly before Damiano has completely exited the room. “Would you not allow me comfort? Not even this once?”

“Comfort doesn’t win wars. Neither does compassion. I won’t do you the disservice of believing it will get you anywhere in this city. Not in this life it won’t. Do you know where comfort and compassion got you, Roman? Mourning the likes of your rat lover. A person who probably hasn’t even given you a second thought. And you really think that I came here to comfort you? Don’t be inane. I came to give you a wake-up call. You’ll probably hate me for it in the long run, and guess what? I’ve accepted that. You’ll be a better man because of it. A stronger one. And that what matters. You’ll soon realize that you can have practically any woman or man you’ve ever wanted— but never allow them to make you weak. Never allow them to steal your honor. You’re a Montague. It’s time to start acting like one.”

VERONA, 2019

He heard him before he saw him. The hurried footsteps. His father was late.

Roman watched as the minute hand abandoned it’s partner, opting instead to move forward, now noticeable enough that his father was obviously late. Instead of quickening to anger, he focused his attentions on the paper lantern on his desk, attempting to funnel his emotions inside of it. It’d been easy enough in that current moment, but would it when it actually counted for something?

The door to his office opened and closed swiftly, but even as his father settled himself into the seat across from him, his eyes still remained on the paper lantern.

“Roman,” Damiano stated in a low, habitual growl.

“Father. You’re late,” Roman says plainly, something that takes Damiano off guard, mocking laughter vibrating his large frame. There was an energy radiating off of Roman that had not been there years prior. Confidence. He was not asking for respect, but commanding it. Damiano recognized that there was little option for him in the matter. Had he been…? Had that time finally—

“I’m serious.” He momentarily tears his gaze away from the lantern in order to meet his father’s. “I expect the same standard of professionalism you’ve always held me to. If I am to take over the mob one day— I expect that same level of respect.”

This response is enough to quiet the mob boss— maybe more so out of shock then the respect he deeply desired, but it was a start. “I have several issues that I hoped to address with you today.”

There was a fierceness to his silence— one that subdued any ridicule, any possible patronization emitting from his father. He watched as his father’s eyes searched his stoic expression, waiting for the exact moment in which he would realize. He’d suspected it, but acceptance would take much more effort on both their parts. Roman no longer feared him. He had cursed the invisible hand that guided him. bit it, fought it, bloodied it, rebuked it. The heir refused submission— he refused to be a vessel for his father to enact his torment. He wholly accepted his destiny, no longer seeing any use in running from it— but the power he now recognized was entirely his own. Damiano had no choice but to listen. And this had been everything that he’d ever wanted. Everything he’d ever hoped for. A son who refused to take a shit, even from his own father. He had to ensure that it was not good to be true. That Roman was not merely enacting the facade of a leader.

He nodded, waiting for his son to continue.

“As of recent, there are a few concerns I’d like to address regarding the mob’s administration,” Roman began cooly, eyes still searching the paper lantern. “Long story short— you’ve lost your touch. I don’t think your pride would ever allow you to admit that to yourself, but everyone can see it. The world can see it. I know how much you care about the reputation of the mob— which is why I’m offering you an easy way out.”

Roman could see the tinges of anger permeate through his father’s being, but it meant nothing to the man who did not fear him. Not a boy, not a princeling, but a conqueror. Hearing that you’ve lost your touch is never easy, Damiano knew better than most that he was getting old. He knew the time to usher in a new regime was rapidly approaching. But he also knew that Roman could not be asked to take the throne. He had to do so of his own volition. He had to command the throne. Demand that what was rightfully his be handed to him.

“The easy way out would be you gradually transferring your duties as mob boss to me. You’ll tell everyone that in your old age, you think its best for you to spend time with your sickly wife. That it is time to usher in a new era. You’ll tell them that your mind isn’t what it used to be, that dealing with your wife’s debilitating disease has driven you to irrationality.”

In all 27 years of his life, Roman had never driven his father to the point of stupefaction. Confidence surged in every word he spoke. But he could not lose momentum. “The difficult way out is you’ll be forced out. I mean, technically, the first option doesn’t leave you much of a choice either, but at least in that instance, your exit will be effortless on your end. I currently have a board of advisors within the ranks. I won’t reveal their names quite yet, though several of them will be fairly obvious. They wholly support my transition to the throne.”

Goade him. Test the thickness of the armor; ensure that it is authentic. Better you than anyone else. “You can’t seriously believe that you’re—”

“No!” Roman begins through snarled teeth. “You don’t get to do this to me anymore. The gaslighting, the berating— you can entirely fuck off with all that, dad. I didn’t call you into my office for you to listen to yourself talk. You’re going to listen to me. I won’t let you destroy everything we worked for. I won’t let you destroy me. Not anymore.”  What was it that swelled in Damiano’s chest? Had it been… pride, perhaps?

“I’m ready. In fact, I’ve always been ready, father. I just was never what you wanted me to be. And I’ll never be who you want me to be. I’ll never be you and I’ll be a better man for it. A better leader for it.”

Damiano looks at Roman challengingly— expecting him to back down, to recoil as he always has— but Roman does not flinch. This was not the same boy who once mourned his lost love. Maybe Roman liked to believe so, but Damiano knew his son far better than that. He was different, maybe not in the way that he’d raised him to be—but he’d been different. He had not molded himself to be fit for the throne but instead shaped it into something that would be fit for him. Damiano’s test had been nearly complete. “You expect to lead a mob? Do you truly think you can garner the respect that I have?”

“And that’s the difference between you and I. Me— I never respected you. You convinced me that was what respect was, but that isn’t respect. That is fear. Do you truly think this city respects you? They’re terrified of you! But me? I don’t have to scare people into following me. They follow me out of choice— not because they believe it to be the only option. So let’s not make this any harder than it has to be, dad. It’s over. You’re over. What good have you or Cosimo brought to Verona from this stupid fucking war? Do either of you realize how ridiculous this all is? People are dying for your petty fucking war, and you don’t even care!”

I came to give you a wake-up call. You’ll probably hate me for it in the long run, and guess what? I’ve accepted that. You’ll be a better man because of it. A stronger one. And that’s what matters.

The authoritative air that seems to shimmer around Roman— it was real. Roman was not performing heir as he once had. This was real and even Damiano could now recognize it. He’d underestimated his son, a fault within himself that he was able to recognize. Maybe it’d been a result of his pride. Maybe he had lost sight of things. Maybe he and Cosimo had truly resorted to a petty pissing match. But nevermind that now.

He leaned back in his chair leisurely, hands coming together in a slow, dramatic clap. “I’m impressed, son. Truly. This backbone— where is it coming from?”

“I know you would like to think it’s from you,” Roman begins, laughing almost mockingly. “I know that you’re apart of me. I’m your blood after all. I tried to run from it— fearing that I would become you and lose every other part of myself. I thought becoming you was the only way that I would be able to rule, and that scared the shit out of me. But then I realized something— you have no true power. You only have as much power as everyone believes you to have. Without them— your power means nothing. So if you would like that illusion to be kept for the remainder of your days— then I wouldn’t cross me. You’re in the way of what I want, and if forcing you out is what it takes— then so be it.”  

It had been this way for eons. Just as Kronos had overthrown his own father, Zeus had overthrown him. It had only been a matter of time. Even the gods got old and lost their touch. Even Damiano’s own father, who’d barely possessed such likeness in the first place. It would happen to Roman with his future child eventually— maybe not quite on the same terms, but it would happen with time.

“This is your final offer, father. I truly wanted to make this as easy possible for you, even if you don’t deserve it. After everything you’ve done— you deserve far less courtesy than this. So let’s not make this difficult for either of us. You knew this day would come. You just never knew when. Let my board of advisors and I proceed as planned, and your retirement will be a happy and prosperous one.” He smiles that 1000 watt smile— the one that will bring Verona to its knees. The smile that would end the war, that would finally usher in a new era. That smile had been the greatest weapon Damiano could’ve ever hoped for— how was he just now realizing this? That was the advantage Roman had and the one Damiano possessed no longer.  That tantalizing charisma, and a clean canvas of a mind.

His work here had been done. Damiano had been convinced. Roman’s belief in himself had been genuine. He felt warmth— something he rarely felt at this point in his life, but it felt good. He was proud of his son. Of the leader, he’d become. But compassion had never been his way. Hw fumbled for the right words to say, something to encapture the depth of the pride he felt for his son—

“You don’t have to say it. I know you’re proud of me. I know that for whatever stupid reason you can’t admit that to—”

“No, Roman. You and your mother have shown me that it isn’t always a weakness that comes from compassion, but vice versa. Sometimes it is your own weakness that prevents you from showing compassion. A valuable lesson I needed to learn— even if it took more than half a century. Verona will be a better place because of you.”

He could see the emotion rousing in his son, the wetness settling in his eyes, and gods he had no desire to wait around while Roman ruined the moment.

Damiano began his exit in a single, furious motion.

“Thank you,” Roman manages, stopping him in his tracks. Damiano offers him a single nod before shuffling out of the office.

And for the first time in 27 years, Roman Montague had the last word.

EXTRAS:

SIDENOTE: This was actually the first part of the long ass sample I made, but I realized it had LITERALLY 0 to do with Roman??? Like he wasn’t even born let alone a thought? But it did help me find my daddy Dami and Mama Alba voice so it was fun afjwaeifj here you go!

VERONA, 1989

He heard her before he saw her.

There was something utterly engrossing about her voice, with the smokey richness only comparable to his favorite bourbon. But it was the huskiness that sold him— her passion unwavering even as her voice threatened to fail her, presumably from her repeated shouts.

Damiano stopped briskly in his path. He was late, but his curiosity bested him.

She was ferocious in every aspect— from the way her curls pooled heedlessly around her face, to her slender brows furrowed in determination. The dripping sweat only enhanced the bronze glow of her skin. Her willowy frame had been draped in a loosely fitted, Angela Davis t-shirt and dark bell-bottom jeans. She was chained to a towering tree, repeating over and over again,

Morte per gentrificazione!

Death to gentrification.

It was then he noticed everything else around them, the outside world previously silenced at the sight of her. Several police vehicles littered the surrounding street, as well as several aggravated men in suits discussing something fervently with a construction worker. He did not care to hear the circumstances of the situation from them, finding himself instantly pulled in the direction of the woman, disregarding the announcement made by several people that this was indeed private property he was entering. Even if he hadn’t been so focused on her— he couldn’t have cared less. He stopped at what he thought was a respectful distance, close enough to hold a conversation, but hopefully not close enough to impede her personal space. His mouth opened in preparation to speak, but the stranger managed to beat him to the punch—

“You can tell your bosses to stop sending stuffy fucking corporate lawyers my way. I gave them my terms already, and they’re non-negotiable.”

He blinked stupidly, not knowing how to react to her mistaking him for a stuffy, fucking corporate lawyer.

“I— was actually hoping to gain more clarity on the circumstances of your protest. I just moved to this part of town, and I’m not too familiar with the area.”

Her facial expression softened slightly, her eyes meeting his own with a raised brow. “Quite the nosey newcomer I see,” she begins challengingly yet playfully. “But this, mio amico, is the location of homeless shelter and soup kitchen. These bastardi di maiale—” she shouts in their direction as she states this, “—want to tear it down to build luxury apartments.”

This had evidently been enough to draw the attention of one of the bastardi di maiale, as he began his commute from the other bastardi, his face a sickly shade of salmon.

“This is my property. What don’t you get?! I have a right to do with it as I please. Now, if you don’t plan on getting off my property, I’ll have you forcibly removed, cang—”

All it took was Damiano’s hand positioned in front of his face to disrupt his throaty rant.

“I would stop while I was ahead if I were you,” he offered to the significantly shorter man. “You wouldn’t want to say anything you’d later regret.”

Gargles of protest exited his throat as he attempted to scramble for a retort. “Excuse me? How dare—”

“You’re going to sell me this property and go about your day. Understood?” Damiano says, lowering his hand. The woman watches him curiously, but his eyes remain on the bastardo.

“Now why the hell would I do that? This property is a gold mine! I’ll make mi—”

“Because your property won’t be worth merda once I’m finished with it. Build your luxury apartments. Fine. You will be reminded of my wrath each and every day. Your tenants will gradually forget what peace ever felt like. I’ll buy your property for whatever you paid for it plus 5%. And the more you run that bastardo mouth of yours, the less generous I feel, and the lower the offer will become. Do I make myself clear?”

The coloration of his skin reddens— a mixture of rage, embarrassment, and most likely fear. He did not truly need to build the apartments there, he supposed, and for some reason— his eyes met Damiano’s momentarily before returning to the ground— this man was someone he did not desire to have on his bad side. Maybe building luxury apartments on the property of a homeless shelter hadn’t been good—

“Sir? Have you considered my terms?” Damiano says smoothly, but there is no tolerance in his tone.

“I— accept your terms. We can draw up the paperwork immediately. I-It will be a pleasure doing business with you, signore—”

“Montague. Damiano Montague.”

The man’s eyes widened; he’d heard that name on some occasions, but never had the opportunity to meet the man in person. He’d been the man taking Verona by storm, with such a tightly held grasp that he did not need a face to accomplish such feats. He simply needed a name, and that was enough to bring the despondent city to its knees.

“Si-Signore Montague, it’s a p-pleasure—”

Damiano’s hand returned to its former place, heading the man’s blubberings once more. “Now, I would like to return to the conversation I was having with my companion before we were rudely interrupted by your ramblings. For the moment being, I’d like you out of my sight.”

His lip trembled but he did not protest— returning to the group of now wide-eyed bastardi di maiale. He returns his attentions to the strange woman— her arms now crossed, studying him peculiarly, attempting to figure out what he was after.

“Now that he’s taken care of—” he began with a sigh of relief. “Tell me more about this building. I hope to restore it to its former glory. In fact, I hope to make it even grander than before; in order to reach even more people than the original owners could’ve ever imagined possible. With your help, if you’d be willing, that is.”

She undid the chain, before sizing Damiano up, something not difficult for her to do as she could not have been more than two inches shorter than him. He couldn’t blame her for being wary of his intentions. This had all occurred in a span of fewer than fifteen minutes, after all. “Why would you need my help? You seem to have things pretty well handled.”

“This place means something to you. It means something to you to the point where you were willing to chain yourself to a tree and face off with these wealthy bastardi di maiale. You didn’t care about the consequences you might possibly face. The people are what was most important. They mean something to you, and quite frankly, something tells me you’d do a much better job of running it than I.”

She ponders his proposition silently for a few moments, before offering him her hand to shake. “Sounds like we have a deal. Alba Fascelli.” He shook her hand, before carefully bringing it to his lips, silently requesting her permission, only proceeding when she nodded. “I hope you know it’ll take more than a grand gesture to win me over, Dami. You haven’t even asked me out on a date yet.”

Damiano smiled warmly, as the familiarity the nickname roused within him made him feel as if he’d known her for years. “Trust me— I knew from the moment I walked over here that it would take far more than this to win you over. But I’ve never been one to step down from a challenge.”

She allowed her hand to linger in his for a moment longer, before crossing in front of him and releasing it. “0458446149. I’ll let you know when I’m available. Do forward more details about To Tame a Soup at your earliest convenience.”

He waved stiffly, still slightly stunned over her presence. “Addio, Alba.”

Alba. The name whose meaning he would come to understand later on in life. Sunrise. It would take meeting Alba for Damiano to realize that in his 27 years of life, the sun had not truly risen— not until meeting her, that is.

here’s his inspo tag!

there’s probably hella typos pls forgive me and tumblr deleted all my bold stuff and i’m sickkkkk but i’m too tired to fix it :/

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #11

Hello folks and happy Friday! We’re back, and this time @likingthistoomuch interviews @ohaine (aka, me) so I’m jumping straight into the interview because it’s awkward af to introduce yourself.

Trigger warnings: here be brief discussions of grief and mourning, and because it’s me, there’s also some bad language. Sorry.

OhAine: She arts, she fics, now you can add witty limericks to her repertoire for she is truly an accomplished young lady; because when the question of how to introduce me for this interview came up likingthistoomuch chose to write a poem.

It goes like this:

 She is smart

She has sass

Thinks her writing isn’t good

Someone get her head outta her ass.

 Charming. And as that isn’t massively helpful to anyone reading, I’ll flesh it out a bit for you. My name is Áine (yes, my pseud is that imaginative), I’m Irish, married to a tall, curly haired Brit (no, not *that* tall, curly haired Brit). I’m a professional doer of double entry (that means I’m an accountant not a p0rn star, get your dirty minds out of the gutter), an amateur writer who is obsessed with Sherlock and Sherlolly to a point that isn’t dignified. I’m the mod of this interview project, and also of the MaybeItsJustMyType Collection on AO3, a double SAMFA winner (yay me!) and I also won a Community Games gold medal when I was eight ( @hobbitsdoitbetter will know what that is, but she’s literally the only one of you who will) for a picture I drew in crayon of a cat jumping over a skipping rope (although if I’m honest I think everyone who entered the competition got a prize so I really don’t know if I should brag too much about it.) Currently I’m in the market for someone who’ll do a better job of my eulogy than I’ve done with this intro, so maybe it’s best if I stop talking now and we just move along with the questions… Ahem… Gee it’s back to you.

 likingthistoomuch: I’m going to start with Kat (aka satin_doll, aka @ashockinglackofsatin) who’s submitted a few reader questions if you’re ready.

 OhAine: Sure. Shoot.

 satin_doll: The Fate of Glass is one of the most beautiful and touching stories I’ve ever read dealing with grief and the aftermath of the death of a character. It also illustrates perfectly Molly’s relationship with Sherlock from her side. We know you were dealing with your own loss when this was written. How much of your writing springs from your own real life emotional experiences?

 OhAine: Well first, thank you dear heart. It’s a tricky question to answer because The Fate of Glass is unique for me. I wrote it and ‘Where the Lost Things Go’ in the same two week period, at a time when I was really struggling to accept what had happened to Kieren. Funnily enough, Gee (likingthistoomuch) and I were talking only a few weeks ago, and I told her this: for the only time I can ever remember doing, I put my words into Sherlock’s mouth. The bit where they’re sitting on the floor, smoking and talking about Mrs H, where Sherlock finally says what’s on his mind – that he’d failed her – was exactly what I felt at that moment about Kiki’s death. I drew on something deeply personal in a way I hadn’t done since ‘Take me and erase me’ and the death of Molly and Sherlock’s son. Initially that story was me working through my feelings and grief, but after the first draft I had to abandon that agenda and remember that this was about Sherlock and Molly now. The real life experience of survivor’s guilt, of losing someone you love was there, but oddly Molly’s rebuttal to Sherlock’s assertions about blame were very much me too, they came from my father’s loss, and that reconciling a terrible end with a life well lived and full of love. Of all my stories, it’s the closest to describing my actual experience in a given context.

 I suppose in the first instance, what you write has be honest, authentic. That doesn’t mean that it has to come from your experience directly, but if you have the framework there for something that you want to say, then you use it. There are small bits of me in all of my stories, but I can’t rely on my own emotional experiences too heavily because then I’m limiting the characters. What I’ve found you can do is take the essence of an emotion, distil it down to its component parts and feelings, and then apply them to a different situation. Your job when writing a story is to tell someone else’s story, so you have to be able to extrapolate beyond your own experiences. But if you can ground that in something real, it somehow gives it a ring of truth that wouldn’t otherwise be there.

 satin_doll: Amor Vincit Omnia is quite simply devastatingly beautiful, despite the pain that runs through it from beginning to end. You’re so adept at writing Molly’s steadfastness and loyalty despite Sherlock’s rough treatment of her over the years and it seems to be a recurrent theme in your stories. Can you talk a little about where this picture of Molly comes from, how she developed as a character in your head?

 OhAine: We get so little of Molly on screen, and in a way that’s a blessing: we have so much room for interpretation, so many directions we can take her in, you know? But something Mofftiss have gone to pains to point out is that not only is Molly loyal to the bone, but that Sherlock trusts her loyalty in a way that he doesn’t trust anyone else’s.

 You have to be careful how you allow her to give that loyalty, it can’t be done in a way that demeans her, or would make her bitter. In order for that not to happen you have to imagine why someone would give so much in the face of – what you termed – rough treatment. I’ve come to the conclusion that although she’s sometimes hurt by it, impatient with it, she views his actions not as intentional, but rather as him simply not knowing how to do things any differently. He’s ever so gentle with her in TEH, when no one else is around to see, and that episode informs so much of what I imagine their between-the-scenes life to be like: he shows respect for her, love, affection, he respects her mind, her opinions, he is eternally grateful for all that she has done for him, and grateful that despite everything he’s done she still allows him to call her friend.

 Sherlock asks in TRF, ‘If I wasn’t everything you think I am, everything that I think I am, would you still want to help me?’ and Molly doesn’t hesitate, she’s straight in with ‘What do you need?’ She has zero doubts about the man that he is.

 Earlier in that episode she says, ‘You’re a bit like my dad,’ going on to tell Sherlock about how her dad behaved when he was dying, and I think that’s a very under rated line. I think it shows that to Molly he’s more than – what other’s call him – the great detective, machine, freak. It shows she sees the man beneath. She sees that he is more than the sum of his parts. She’s telling him that she sees his humanity.

 She doesn’t want to change him into someone he’s not. She sees deeper, she sees the bits of him that he guards, the parts of him that are just like you and me. Molly’s not blinded by his brilliance. To her he’s just a man, albeit one who has a very special gift.

 Even when she says ‘Why do you always say such horrible things?’ she’s not treating him like a bold puppy and smacking him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper like the others do, she’s attempting to understand him, perhaps even asking him to try to understand himself.

 He’s a very vulnerable man, and she treats him with care because of that. His actions weigh on her I think, they have a cost, but it’s one she chooses to accept and she doesn’t punish him for her choice.

 It can be argued that Molly is the only one who loves him just for him. Lestrade wants his brain; Mycroft sees him as an asset; John is a junkie, Sherlock his dealer; Mary takes his help; Hudders once took help from him. But amongst those who take, there’s only one person who takes nothing. Molly.

 I suppose the other large part of her development in my mind is the ethical code that she’s had instilled into her from an early stage of her education. Medical ethics, and the application of deontological and utilitarian principles in her everyday decision making, must have influenced the person she became by the time we meet her. There are four major principles at play for her: do good, avoid doing harm, be fair, and respect individual autonomy. And I think it’s those principles of fairness and respect that she applies to her relationship with Sherlock. I think she respects his mind, his abilities, even his education (because they have components of their formal education in common), but I think it’s fairness that she applies most liberally: he is unique, different, and he lacks certain skills when it comes to interacting with others, Molly takes his treatment of her in that context.

 satin_doll: In Take Me and Erase Me, one of your earliest stories, you mention Lorca (the Spanish poet) and you’ve made numerous references to poetry since you started posting fics. What else besides poetry and fanfic do you read these days? What do you see as the biggest influences on your writing?

 OhAine: Biggest influences. Honestly?  Stephen (both of the King and Moffat varieties) have said that the best advice they could give aspiring writers was to read as much as you can of the kind of thing you want to write, and I’ve found that to be so true. The Sustain Stories are probably the single biggest influence on my interpretation of Sherlock and Molly. I remember saying it to someone once (I think it was actually you Kat) that I’ve been writing Sustain fanfiction rather than Sherlock fanfiction all these years. It was that big a deal for me.

 As for what I’m reading now… I always have a few books on the go, currently open are Leonard Cohen’s Book of Longing (Jesus, the raw intensity of his imagery), Tom Robbins’ Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (the absurdity of it appeals to me) and James Joyce’s Dubliners (The Dead is my favourite short story ever, so I finally decided to read the rest of the book).

 Thank you Kat for your lovely questions x

 likingthistoomuch: Going all the way back to the beginning, what prompted you to start writing fanfic in the first place? Where did that first impulse come from?

 OhAine: I’d never heard of fanfic until I became obsessed by Sherlock, but once I found it, it was like falling down a rabbit hole. I read. And I read and I read and I read. When I first found Sherlolly in mid-2014 there were about 3,000 stories in the tag on AO3 and I went about systematically reading them all in descending order from the largest hit. It took me about six months or so to get through them and then I hit a wall, there was nothing left to read. But by then I started seeing Sherlolly everywhere: in every song I heard, every poem I read… and at the time I was living away from home while doing a master’s degree, and I remember so clearly driving back to my little flat outside Galway one night after a late lecture and Lana del Rey’s Young and Beautiful came on the radio, and it was like, BANG!, this fully formed story of an insecure Sherlock hit me. It was so clear, so well defined and complete, and it wouldn’t leave me alone. The end result was Saving for a rainy day, and the other two stories in The Dance series.  

 Honourable mention too at this point to @sundance201 and her beautiful fic Hello My Old Heart. That story was the beginning of my love affair with music in fanfiction, I started my Sherlolly playlist with the song it references and I don’t know if I would have ever made the connection between music and writing without it. So blame Sundance201 :P

 Likingthistoomuch: When you wrote your first fic how did that process go? Did you have someone review the work? Also, when did you share the fact that you had attempted fanfiction with someone around you?

 OhAine: As above. No, it was a type and go thing. Literally. I have no idea what madness overtook me to actually post it on the internet where other real live people would see it. It was (still is) full of mistakes, and reads like an outline rather than an actual story, but I knew no better at the time. It was the first piece of fiction I’d ever written, and I had zero expectations that anyone would read it. I bawled like a baby when the first comment came in.

 Anyway, it was a Sunday morning, and I was staying at Uni that weekend because I had exams the following week, hubby was coming that day to see me and make sure I hadn’t died under a pile of textbooks and fast-food containers. When he arrived I showed him the post on AO3, and he was so sweet. He still reads all of my fics, gives me feedback and suggestions. He’s even got an AO3 account now so that he can leave kudos. Bless him. He’s still the only one I share with.

 Likingthistoomuch: You are amongst the few who seem to write comic themed, angsty, fluff as well as explicit with ease. At least that’s how it comes across. Which genre is the easiest for you and which one would you prefer to write as, say an outlet for real life pressures?

 OhAine: I’m shocked that it comes across that way, because writing doesn’t come easily for me at all. I’m not a writer, I’m an auditor who writes when she has time. Every single word is like squeezing that last bit of toothpaste from the tube, and although I’m a very verbal person words are not my strong point. My vocabulary is technical and that’s fine when I’m writing reports and letters for work, but I don’t have an emotional vocabulary so I have to work really hard at finding the words to describe the feelings I want to write. And I’m not a fluffy person so writing anything sweet is like pulling teeth for me. None of it’s easy, but Molly and Sherlock are in my bones now so I keep doing it.

 I suppose comedy and angst are slightly less of a struggle. But comedy is a tricky one, because you’re either in the right frame of mind to write it or you’re not. It can’t be forced, you can’t make something funny if it’s not.

I don’t have a favourite genre, and none of them come naturally, but if it’s a question of what’s an outlet, then I’d say all of them serve an equal purpose, although the most satisfying to get right is definitely angst, even if it’s a rare jewel. I think I’ve only ever managed to get it almost right twice, maybe three times: Amor Vincit Omnia, The Fate of Glass and possibly A Sunset Bird in Winter. I kind of hold those three up as times when I was happy with the finished product.

 Likingthistoomuch: How do you plan out your work? Do you plan the end, the beginning and what’s in the middle before you start posting?

 OhAine: Bold of you to assume I plan!!!!

 The beauty of writing (mostly) one-shots is that you’re presenting a finished piece. I’ve written just one multi, Take me and erase me, and that was done completely on the fly. I was so traumatised by the whole thing that I’ve been put off for life.

 When it comes to the one-shots, I usually have a pretty good idea what the beginning, middle and end are before I begin – even if the end result turns out to be something else entirely. I do a first draft, then revise, revise, revise until the flow feels good and I think I’m saying what it is I set out to say.

 Likingthistoomuch: You work with a beta - do you share the entire plot of your fic and discuss before you start the writing process? How does that work?

 OhAine: It works differently with different people. When Kiki and I worked together, every detail was shared and there were masses of emails over and back discussing plot and structure. A three thousand word doc could come back with fifteen hundred extra words of notes. She had an opinion about everything. It worked because we were each other’s beta, and we’d built up a rapport and trust. She was never afraid to offend me and I loved that about her. She was also very verbal, so feedback was always detailed, she’d be very clear about the whys of it. We were both new, both learning, so that extra communication was great to get. And I genuinely miss being a beta for her.

 Kat on the other hand has a light touch approach, she gives me a far longer leash and lets me express myself – just myself and my ideas. If I have a specific concern I’ll share that with her, and she’ll give me advice and her opinion. What I tend to share with Kat is what I’m hoping to achieve, and she’ll let me know if, in her opinion, I’ve done what I set out to do. She trusts me more as a writer, if you know what I mean.

 likingthistoomuch: I am heavily influenced by Bollywood songs and get one shot ideas by the ton. Kat mentioned your love of poetry, and I wondered has there been a poem that literally made you wanna rush home and write down stuff as soon as possible?

 OhAine: Oh that was Where The Lost Things Go, by Anne Casey. She wrote an entire book of poetry about loss (in particular losing her mother) and it makes for a devastating read. When I heard her recite that poem:

“We sat upon a golden bow, my little bird and I, indivisibly apart, we dived into the sky. And to the purple-hearted dark, an ocean we did cry, for all the lost things gathered there, in rooms beyond the eye.”

I could see Sherlock and his little bird crying for the things they’ve lost, things hidden in secret places. I’d had the image for ages and ages of a little girl coming to Sherlock with a case, but the story that went with it never presented itself. Stories are like that sometimes, bits of them linger until the right structure comes to you. The fic came out in one draft, I did minor revisions later, but it was just this one thing all of its own from the start. And it was sort of the poem coming to me at a time when I was grieving too, and it fitted so well with this image I had of Watson in her big boots and pink hair. Everything coalesced into a coherent story. The end result was my own ‘Where the lost things go.’

 Generally that isn’t how it works for me. I usually take away just an image or a phrase, sometimes just a feeling, and I try to structure something around it. But like you, I get a lot from music (Elbow’s music could be the official soundtrack of Sherlolly) and movies as well as poems

 Likingthistoomuch: Let’s be honest here, you get tons of reviews. I know, I read most of them (turn down that stalker alarm!!!). Has your story ever been influenced by a comment given on the initial chapters of a multi fic? Not the plot per say, but maybe a small scene or interaction?

 OhAine: No, I really don’t think so. But then there’s really only ever been one multi of any real significance, Take me and erase me, and the initial chapters of that got very few comments, or even hits for that matter (chapter one got 17 hits on its first day, but I stuck with it and it did okay in the end). What does happen with comments is they encourage me to keep going, to keep writing, especially when I feel like I’m just rubbish at this. I’ve been blessed with people who are generous and kind when it comes to egging me on and making me feel okay about what I’ve written. I tend to be very sure about where I want to go when I write something, and I think that if you allow things to intrude on the picture you have in your mind you run the risk of ending up with something that’s a bit all over the place. The reader you write for is you, and you either live or die by it.

 Likingthistoomuch: In your fic “The Pinch Hitter” (I absolutely love the Simple Chemistry series) there is dialogue that has the potential to turn the fic any way you want:

“I don’t want you because I’m lonely, you little moron.” He shouts, full to breaking point with impotent frustration and clawing at his own hair. "I'm lonely because I want you!" 

Funny and yet heart wrenchingly raw. Did you work specifically on introducing something like that, which can be a palate changer for a moment?

 OhAine: Oh boy, tough question. Short answer is no, I wasn’t looking specifically for that line. The prompt for this fic came to me by way of a pinch hitter assignment in the 2017 Sherlolly Fic exchange, and I had about four days to come up with a story that fitted the brief. I work at a snail’s pace under normal circumstances, and I was under so much pressure to get something done. I’d pissed away three of the four days on a fic that I couldn’t make work (still can’t, *sigh*) and in desperation I turned to the next prompt on the list of four. In the end this one just came out, and I’m lucky it’s as okay as it is given the rush it was written in. That line: if I recall, it came out of some wanky meta that was doing the rounds at the time, the mirror theory, and I guess that line is my response to it. He wasn’t running to her because she was a surrogate, she, Molly, was the reason he ran to Molly.

 On the other hand, that line is very much part of my overall head canon for Sherlock in the series. He’s the cause of his own isolation and I remember either Moffat or Gatiss saying that he was like a child pressed up against a sweet shop, window, longing. I see him very much that way. He doesn’t make friends because he’s lonely – the loneliness is part of the choices he’s made – but he acutely feels loneliness now because he finally understands friendship and love. Does that make sense??

 I don’t seem to be able to do straight comedy, there’s always a little angst with my absurdity, a little absurdity with my angst. Some of that is to do with wanting to introduce contrast, some of it is because I think the show does that too and when I’m writing, to some extent, I’m trying to emulate that style.

 Likingthistoomuch: On the topic of light works or ones with a comedic thread, you seem to have mastered the tough-as-nails art of writing genuinely funny work which is not slapstick by a mile. Is the writing process for that different than your other works?

 OhAine: It is. Totally. I can’t decide to write something funny. It either is or it isn’t, and I don’t have much control over that. No amount of revisions will make something that’s not funny work as a comedy piece. I tried that once with The Truth Will Set You Free, and I think it was 20+ drafts before it started to get giggles from my beta. That was when I realised that trying to be funny wouldn’t work. Kiki said to me after that one was posted that she thought I was rubbish at comedy, which was strange given how often I made her laugh in my emails. It dawned on me then to just be myself, write in a more naturalistic tone and focus on being absurd instead of laugh out loud slapstick.

 The next one I tried my hand at was The Adventure of the Berenstein Baby. I took a different approach and wrote it as though I was telling a friend about something hubs and I did, using the exact same style I’d use in conversations (like the side bar thing, my emails are famous for them, I go off on so many tangents) and the result was one draft with minor revisions to get the finished product. When that fic won the 2017 SAMFA for humour, I almost died of pride.

 Likingthistoomuch: The Fate of Glass, that letter, that fabulous, fabulous, piece of work. How long did you take you write that?

 OhAine: The first draft contained all the bones of the story, it was 1,700 words long and it came out in one afternoon. The letter was there right from the start, always at the end. The rest needed much more work, I think I added another 2,000 words during revisions. I have a memory of it being an easy one to write, but I had a week off work that January, and I know I spent at least another 40 hours picking at it during my leave. It had the story right off the bat, but none of the detail. My vocabulary isn’t what I’d like it to be, so when I feel I don’t have the words to tell a story I read. I had an anthology of Pablo Neruda’s poetry on the arm of my Queen Anne, and every night I’d read for an hour or so, and the next day I’d have the words I needed. Reading, for me, is sort of an ignition tool, it sort of opens that part of my brain that isn’t bogged down with technical language, it opens up my creative side. I sometimes forget just how many revisions even the easy stories take. I forget sometimes that I have to work hard at it, but I do.

 Likingthistoomuch: When it comes to naming you work, how do you plan that out?

 OhAine: More bold assumptions about planning!!!!

 Sometimes a story has an obvious title, like The Science of Seduction (because it was about the application of mathematical theories to love and relationships, so it just seemed obvious). Others, like Better, or The last person you’d think of, they were obvious because the whole story is geared toward making the point that these phrases represent. When I find a name I want to use I do an AO3 search of the Sherlock/Molly tag just to be sure no one else is using it (or has used it for a very long time).

 Names are something I struggle with, and at the beginning I went almost exclusively with lines from songs, but I’ve stopped doing that now because it felt, I don’t know, a little forced? These days I try to make a stronger connection between the story and the title without making it too wordy or over explaining what’s going on in the story. I often have a placeholder title while I’m working on it, but keep trying out new ones as I go to see how they fit.

 Don’t ever underestimate the power of a good title: along with the summary they’re your elevator pitch to the reader. A brilliant story can be sunk by a bland title or bland summary.

 Likingthistoomuch: How do you gauge the success of your work?

 OhAine: Oh jeepers. I’m a numbers girl, so the stats page on my AO3 account is my enemy LOL. I’ve tried to find my own metrics, because it’s easy to fall into the trap of judging success on hits and kudos when there are so many things that can influence those little numbers. Like, Trial by Existence was a failure if you go by the stats, but I still feel in my gut that it’s a strong fic, and I learned so much about writing from it. Anyway. There’s a bunch of things I ask myself during the inevitable post-mortem: first and foremost, did I say what I wanted to say? Did I convey the message that I was attempting to put out there? But then I also consider was the quality up to standard, did I build on my learning from the last thing that I wrote? If it’s a gift work, did I please the person it was gifted to? In terms of grammar and punctuation, phrasing (none of which are my strong suit) have I improved? And though I never set out meaning to, I start to fret about the stats…

 But I also think that if someone has said in the comments that they’d love to see more of this particular story, then you’ve succeeded in making something that someone else connected with. That’s always a really important metric for me.

 Likingthistoomuch: Coming to the topic of Social Media, what effect does that have on your work? Have you ever faced rude reviews or comments or called out for offending people? Because we know, if you log in, someone somewhere is offended.

 OhAine: And I specialise in offending people LOL it’s why I stay off social media for the most part.

 Everyone gets the odd rude comment, I think. It’s the risk you sign on for when you put something out into a public space. I try hard not to take those personally.

 It seems to me people are looking for a fight and they don’t care what it’s about. I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how convinced I am of my position or opinion, if there’s even a hint of aggression I walk away because to engage with them is just giving them what they want. Don’t add fuel to the fire, you know? And it’s not my job to educate. It just isn’t. So I do what’s healthy for me, and I avoid the nonsense even when I know I’m right and they’re not. I don’t need to explain myself to strangers.

 Having those things said, I wouldn’t trade away the positives of social media just to be rid of the negatives. I’ve found fantastic friends on sites like AO3 and tumblr, I get so much from our little community and the lovely people in it. I suppose the Sherlolly community is lucky: we’re small, able to self-regulate, and the people here are genuine and kind. I’ve learned so much, gotten so much joy from writing, so much from reading, the beautiful artwork that’s posted here, and my fellow shippers… I’m grateful for that, so that’s where I keep my focus.

 Likingthistoomuch: As per the new guideline, the blue hellsite will not allow explicit work to be posted. Does that make you want to write more E rated stuff, in a virtual Up Yours to Staff?

 OhAine: I gave up on writing E-rated fics two years ago, and I suppose I am kind of sad that I don’t anymore because I would dearly love to say to anyone who tries to censor others to go fuck themselves.

 On the one hand, the ban doesn’t really affect me because I don’t create that kind of content anymore, so I could just be tempted to shrug my shoulders and move on. But. It affects others who do create that kind of content, and I’ll support them all the way, not only because they should be allowed freedom of expression, but also because the purge is part of a bigger problem: the suppression of freedoms, under the guise of protecting the innocent, and is driven by a puritanical streak that’s becoming pervasive in our culture, one that is more about control and suppression of free ideas than protection. Tumblr is lying to us, pure and simple. They could deal with the p0rn problem but they don’t, and therefore you have to assume this isn’t about p0rnbots: this is about commercial considerations, and the suppression of creativity that they can’t commercialise. It’s also very telling that the ban is overly focused on the female body (and I can’t help but feel that because a good percentage of content creators are women, that the purge conveniently silences women’s voices) and the ideal of womanhood held by a very narrow band of its user base.

 Historically, censorship (and that is what this is) doesn’t lead us anywhere good. It’s a slippery slope, folks. We’ve got to be careful, or next thing you know we’ll be in red capes and white hats remembering the good old days when women were allowed to read.

 likingthistoomuch: Last question: If you could change just one thing about BBC’s version of Sherlock, what would it be?

 OhAine: Oh dear. Just one??? Okay, let me discount a few contenders first:

 I would ask that there be more Molly. Lots more Molly. That the kiss had been real. That Sherlock be naked at all times. That the shirts were tighter and the curls longer. That Mary had lived. That Holmes got the Watson he deserved. That Moriarty had lived. That Eurus hadn’t. That Paul McGuigan had stuck around. Ditto Stephen Thompson. That they had kept production values at primetime and not Saturday tea-time CBBC levels. That the production staff hadn’t stirred the shit just because they liked the attention. That Mofftiss had had a beta, or at least someone who challenged their ideas…

 But if I could choose just one thing, one thing that would be possible for them to do and not go off at a tangent, then I would have them stick to the cases. Tell the story they were telling at the start: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, as told by his Boswell. I’ll be forever sad that they chose not to do that.

Next week, Friday 10th of May, part two of this interview turns the tables and @ohaine interviews @likingthistoomuch.

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

The People want a masterpost of fics you enjoyed!!

Okay, I’m trying this again, because yesterday my computer shut down just as I was about to post this and I needed some time to recover.

Most of the fics I enjoy fall into one of four categories: it made me laugh a lot, it made me feel empty inside, it made me think (it might be the writing style, the concept, or the formatting style they used), or Iconic.  I did have to add a fluff category for all three of those that I apparently had bookmarked.

The order here is meaningless, I just went down my bookmarks tab on AO3.  A lot of these authors also have other really excellent works, so I highly recommend exploring their other works!

If your work or username are not here, that doesn’t mean I don’t like it or think you’re a good author!  As I said, I just took these from my bookmarks–I literally have some of my favorite authors listed at the bottom whose works I have never bookmarked.  Similarly, we just have a lot of good authors in this fandom, and I forget many of them.  

I laughed:

Press One for Revolution by LoveKhaleesi (@arcoiriseglitter) & Zimriya (@zimriya)

ExR texting fic.  It had me in tears.  

Note: discontinued, but near enough to closure that it’s still worth the read.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot by TellThemStories (@tell-themstories)

ExR assassin AU fic, Grantaire’s perspective.  R is an assassin, Enjolras is his target.  It doesn’t quite work out the way he planned.

We’re All Stories, In The End by TheGlitterati (@kyrstin)

ExR crackfic, Jehan’s perspective (Enjolras’s perspective for a scene at the end)

Les Amours de Marius by Elenchus (@aporeticelenchus​)

Marisette crackfic (kind of fake dating, but not how you’re thinking of it), Marius’s perspective.  Marius recruits Bahorel and Grantaire (or rather, they recruit themselves) to make Marius’s grandfather more amenable to his engagement to Cosette.  

#Roommate Chronicles by IAmSlytherlocked & ImpulseRun

Marius & Courfeyrac friendship tumblr fic, Courfeyrac’s perspective.  Courfeyrac catalogs his roommate’s misadventures and the art of Pontmercying.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner by sigh_no_more (@babesatthebarricade)

ExR holiday fic, Enjolras’s perspective.  Cosette has asked him to attend their asshole bio-dad’s Thanksgiving dinner, but one Craigslist ad makes Enjolras slightly less begrudging in his attending.

Texting ‘Verse by Ladililn (@ladililn)

ExR texting fic.  Joly sends a text to the wrong chat.

How I Seduced Enjolras by Gwynplaine

ExR crackfic, Grantaire’s perspective.  My Immortal’s younger, smart Les Mis brother.

Note: this fic is rated explicit and contains explicit content throughout.  It is essential to the plot.  

I cried:

Just accept that all of these have a trigger warning attached, either for total whiplash or possible death/suicidal ideation.

Stereoscopic by TellThemStories (@tell-themstories​)

ExR?, Enjolras’s perspective.  Enjolras is working overseas for a year with only one-way video messages from his friends as communication.  He has a gradual revelation about his feelings for a certain cynic.

Orpheus, Play Yourself a Path From Hades by Sovin (@sovinly​)

ExR, Grantaire’s perspective.  Grantaire’s cancer returns, and he doesn’t tell anyone.  No dialogue.

If You Ever Come Back by MissAndrogyny (@missandrogyny​)

ExR break-up/make-up fic, alternating perspectives from work to work.

World War II AU by LoveKhaleesi (@arcoiriseglitter​)

ExR WWII AU fic, Enjolras’s perspective.  Enjolras and Eponine are harboring a Jewish fugitive.

The only fic I will ever accept the fix-it ending for.

Situational Irony by Ryssabeth

ExR fic, mostly Enjolras’s perspective (I’m not a masochist, I’m not rereading this on a lovely Sunday morning to check).  Coping with Grantaire’s death.

Barricade Dawn by Opium_du_Peuple (@just-french-me-up)

Jehanparnasse fic, Jehan’s perspective.  Jehan is trying to write a good-bye letter to Montparnasse in case he doesn’t return from the barricade.

Note: this has an explicit content rating.  The explicit content is most of the middle and nonessential to the plot, you can read just the beginning and the end.

I think this is also the only canon period fic.  Whatever that’s worth.

Life is Only Moments by Raeldaza (@raeldaza)

ExR fic, Enjolras’s perspective.  Enjolras reflects over the years of his and Grantaire’s friendship.

This has a fix-it ending, and that’s all well and good, but I prefer the suffering.

Serenata by IbbyLiv

ExR post-breakup fic, Enjolras’s perspective.  Enjolras writes notes to Grantaire after he leaves.

Apparently this is basically just a song with some different words swapped in and out.  I can’t say I care about anything but the emotions that bubble forth when i read it.

Cheers, Darlin’ by onemillionbranches

ExT post-breakup fic, Grantaire’s perspective.  Enjolras is getting married, and Grantaire helps.

It moved me, Bob:

I’m also including what about each one really made me think, because of the nature of this category.

Beautiful Things Have Dents and Scratches Too by A_New_World_To_Be_Won

ExR feelings fic, alternating perspectives.  Definitely makes you feel sad, but it has resolution.

I love how raw the writing style is and how directly it translates into pure emotion.

Tin Can by ejr

ExR relationship progression fic, alternating perspectives.  

This prose style intrigues me, and I really enjoy it and its application.

You Never Have to Wonder; You Never Have to Ask by GamesForMay

ExR fic, Grantaire’s perspective.  18 months after a major protest, Grantaire returns to Paris for Cosette and Marius’s wedding.

The!  Motifs!  Are!  So!  Good!  The way Enjolras is shaped and Grantaire’s decision is set before them…and I love the moment all of  this revolves around that happened 18 months ago.  It’s just a gorgeous piece.

Golden by the_sky_is_forever (@theskyis-forever)

ExR post-breakup fic, alternating perspective.  Enjolras goes to Grantaire’s first art gallery since he left the artist.

Okay, so this is also a sad fic.  But!!  I value the artistry of the writing and love how they were able to pull and shape the emotions with the way they handled their words and sentences and phrasing.

Primary Relations - A Politician’s Journey rev 2-1.avi by Samyazaz (@samyazaz)

ExR documentary fic.  Enjolras is running for president, and Grantaire is documenting it.

The prose is so interesting and inspired a yet-unpublished fic I’ve been working on!  It can be difficult to write from this perspective, and I think they handled it really well.

Have & Hold by arriviste (@arrivisting)

ExR fake-marriage fic.  Enjolras wants to make a political point about gay marriage and meets less resistance than he expected.

This is probably the only fake marriage fic I will ever love and appreciate because the author did such a great job representing the unhealthy feelings involved when you go from zero feelings to being married.

Dismantling Oppressive Establishments, Teamwork, And Other Things Your Coach Never Taught You by AnnaBolena (@annabrolena)

ExR mixed media fic, alternating perspectives.  

Usually stories that get told half through dialogue and half through articles drive me nuts with their incongruence and messiness with image formatting, but this author did a phenomenal job with the article styles and telling the story and keeping me interested without bogging the whole thing down with extra formatting. 

If There’s No One Beside You (When Your Soul Embarks) by ToBeFerre

ExR reincarnation fic, Grantaire’s perspective.  Everyone is back except Enjolras, and Grantaire is trying to keep the club running until Enjolras’s return.

I just really love the concept of the anxiety they carry and the ways they’ve changed since the first time around.

Felled By You, Held By You by EyeOfAHurricane (@eyeofahurricaneart)

ExR progression fic, alternating perspective.  Grantaire falls in and out of love with Enjolras.

The concept of love and affections being ephemeral things, the way that love moves more quickly for some than others, and the seasonal symbols made me start thinking and inspired another yet-incomplete fic.

Iconic:

The World Ain’t Ready by IdiopathicSmile (@idiopath-fic-smile)

ExR fake-dating fic, Grantaire’s perspective.  I’m not providing a description because this is required reading for anyone in the Les Mis fandom.  Just read it if you haven’t yet.

Friday I’m in Love by The Librarina (tears_of_nienna) (@thelibrarina)

ExR fake-dating fic, Enjolras’s perspective.  Enjolras is going to his family’s summer residence for a week and needs a way to stick it to his parents.

Words Never Spoken by StrawberryBubbles

ExR soulmate AU, Enjolras’s perspective.  Your first words with your soulmate are supposed to appear when you turn 18, but Enjolras’s never do.

Your Heart on Your Skin by Zade (@racetrackthehiggins)

ExR soulmate AU, Grantaire’s perspective.  Flowers appear on your body that represent different qualities about you as you experience life experiences that bring them about.

The Season Underwater by andtheheir

ExR swimteam AU fic, Grantaire’s perspective.  Grantaire is put on the varsity swimteam for his junior year and really doesn’t want to let Enjolras down.

This fic is just really beautifully written and really started to make me think about my writing style and start experimenting with it more.

BE by ToTheWillOfThePeople (@kvothes)

ExR theater AU fic, Enjolras’s perspective.  Enjolras is roped into directing a production of Hamlet.

Arcadia Ballet!Verse by Darrenjolras

ExR ballet AU fic, Grantaire’s perspective.  Grantaire shot his mouth off at some gorgeous up and coming dancer, and now he has to choreograph an entire ballet.

Fluff:

In Love When You Wake Me Up by BethXP

ExR fic, Enjolras’s perspective.  Enjolras wakes up from his surgery high and in the presence of his two best friends and a third person.

These Are Some of my Favorite Things (The Post-It-Note!fic) by Zimriya (@zimriya)

ExR fic, Grantaire’s perspective.  Enjolras has been leaving post-it notes on things (Grantaire) with seemingly no logic behind it.

Foregone Conclusion by Raeldaza (@raeldaza)

ExR fic, Enjolras’s perspective.  Enjolras is receiving gifts from an “anonymous source” (but he’s pretty sure he knows from whom).

As I was doing these, I realized that there are some others authors whose works I love that I didn’t have one or two fics I could choose to put up but still wanted to include (and there are probably more that I’m forgetting):

Myrmidryad (@myrmidryad)

Lovely, thorough writing style.

Sunfreckle (@mysunfreckle)

Lots of lovely Jehanparnasse!  They and Opium_du_Peuple are my go-to’s for Jehanparnasse content.

SarahYYY (@sarah-yyy)

So many ExR short stories!  Definitely peruse all of her stuff (though be aware–it’s a bit like Russian roulette for the sad stuff; there’s one in there that I was even prepared for and am still recovering from).

Lady_Ragnell

Everything by her is Just.  Iconic.  So good.

Noelia_g

Also really good.  (Sorry, I lost my steam by the end of writing this monster, I really do enjoy her work.)

If anyone knows the tumblrs for any of the authors that I haven’t already tagged, please DM me so I can add them in!

[galadrieljones]

Writer’s Interview

thanks for the take @a-shakespearean-in-paris!! <3

Q: What is your coffee order?

Usually just a cappuccino? I don’t usually like sweet things in my coffee, except for at Christmastime when I order exclusively peppermint mochas lol.

Q: What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done?

Tbh the coolest thing I’ve ever done is probably be a fake socialite for like a portion of my late twenties and early thirties. My husband’s great uncle, who passed away last year, was quite wealthy and a huge, well-respected philanthropist for the LGBT community and gay rights. He lived in Palm Springs, and any time he had a gala or a fabulous event to go to, he would invite my husband and I to be in his entourage. We got to go to the GLAAD Awards about five times, including VIP events and cocktail parties with like, Leonardo DiCaprio, the Getty family, and Michael Jackson’s daughter. It was decadent and ridiculous but a fun role to play for a little while in my life. 

Q: Who has been your biggest mentor? 

My biggest mentors have been my professors from graduate school, both of whom are fantastic writers that taught me how to respect the work, stay grounded, and focus on making writing an important, central part of my life, no matter what comes. They taught me and my colleagues a very “purist” approach, which I appreciate to this day, revolving around the concept of inevitability: writing for love, writing for vision, writing in secrecy, ignoring the world as I grew and developed, and viewing The Industry as but a secondary factor that, when focused on with too much intensity too early in a writer’s career, can and will spoil their outlook and creative struggle forever.

Q: What has been your most memorable writing project?

I have several? My MFA thesis is memorable, because it was weird, and I was doing things back then in this very raw way that I can see and feel coming back to me now, eight years later, as a more mature writer and person. My Solavellan longfic The Dead Season also stands out as hugely memorable, as it took two years of my writing life to complete, and I believe it single-handedly improved my writing skills in ways I am only just now beginning to appreciate. 

Q: What does your writing path look like, from the earliest days until now?

I have no idea lol. I have been writing since I could read. I started when I was very young, filling notebooks with horror stories and christmas stories and bad poetry and world building ideas. It was literally just notebook after notebook after notebook. I started typing my writing on a computer probably in fifth or sixth grade, and using it more consistently when I was in eighth or ninth grade. I wrote some fanfiction for boybands when I was in middle school, but that was short-lived. I continued to invent worlds and write shitty poetry all through high school lol, and then my senior year I started writing short stories. I went to college, majored in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing. Taking workshops honed my short story writing and gave me lots of practice, and then I won a little prize money out of it which helped me pay for my graduate school applications. All I ever really wanted to do was be a writer. I took a year off after college and worked as a bank teller back home in Wisconsin, and then I got real lucky and got into a very good MFA program which moved me out to California when I was about 23. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I met my husband, who was one of my colleagues at the workshop table. We moved in together. I finished my thesis, he finished his. Then we went to Montana for a little while, and we got engaged. I published some stories, mostly in small places, a couple big ones, too. Then we got married, had a baby, and I came to fandom out of boredom and frustration with the mainstream, and I’ve been toiling away here every since.

Q: What is your favorite part about writing?

I agree with @a-shakespearean-in-paris that for me, the best thing about writing is discovery. Discovery of language, ideas, characters I love. 

Q: What does a typical day look like for you?

Uh, wake up. Feed child. Snuggle with child. Derp around on tumblr. Drink coffee. My husband and I switch off mornings and teach on opposite days of the week. If I have to teach that day, I’ll lesson plan, go teach, maybe have office hours for my students, come home, hang out with my fam, put the child to bed, and then I get my nights. Mondays and Fridays the kid is in preschool and I don’t teach, so on those days I try to be as productive as possible with my own writing and also art (if I don’t have to comment on too many student papers lol). I write when I can. I don’t have a set schedule. My grown-up life has taught me the importance of speed and the kill instinct as a writer. Like when you have the chance to write, fucking just do it. Don’t hem and haw. And when you feel the need to finish something, don’t stop.

Q: What does your writing process look like?

Lol. Who knows. I consider music to be a big part of my writing process. I always use playlists that I keep on repeat whenever I’m not writing. I also do a lot of my drafting in the notes on my phone, a lot of the time in bed at night, right before I fall asleep. When I sit down to write, I usually have something in mind. I know what I need to do. At this point, once I start, I can go for a long time and write a lot of words in a very short timespan. It’s just getting to that point where I’m sitting down. But once I’m there, I can kind of just go.

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve gotten?

Stay in the room. I got this advice from one of my professors in graduate school. It literally just means: Once you’ve made the decision to write, don’t leave the room. Stay in the room. Because if you leave the room, you’ll lose your momentum. He always said the biggest challenge for any writer is staying in the room, ie: forcing yourself to do the work. Thinking of writing as work and as something that is not always pleasant but must be done anyway was very important to me. It taught me not to be so precious about my work and to just do the thing and let drafts be drafts. I also learned from him that the best thing you can do when finishing your writing day is to write one more paragraph. So when you think you’re done, write one more paragraph. It’s usually there that the best discoveries are made.

Q: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

Don’t focus on publishing. Writing is not a well-paying gig. Even those who get grand book deals are rarely living large. Unless you’re Stephen King or equivalent, you’re still having to teach and apply for grants and do other shit to get by. I’ve learned that the only true satisfaction that comes from writing is pleasing others, pleasing readers. Having readers at all. You can toil away on a story for months, publish it in a lit journal, and never hear about it again. It’s pure vanity. I’ve learned from fandom writing that there is nothing more gratifying than the response from and interaction with readers. Actually touching peoples’ lives with my characters, inspiring and affecting them in some way. That’s what writing is all about. It’s an exploration of the self, but it is not self-serving. It can bring real joy to people, and that’s the thing I want.

Q: What advice would you give someone who wants to start writing?

Just write. There’s no reason not to. In fandom, there is a lot of concern over not being good enough, I think, because of this culture of constantly sharing everything we make, and notes, and kudos, etc. But if you want to write, you have to just write. You can’t say, “Oh, well, I’ll never be as good as so and so, so what’s the point?” Writing is a journey of many choices. The first choice has to be: I will now write. Don’t compare yourself to others. Find a niche that works for you. If you like to work alone and avoid showing your work, that’s okay. That’s how most writers start out. You don’t need a “beta” or a workshop team, particularly not when you’re just beginning. Share your work when you feel comfortable. It’s not important to always be sharing. It’s important to always be writing. And try not to get ahead of yourself. You must write for your own reasons and not to impress others. That is a toxic mindset that will only bring you down. And write. And write. Skip the over-planning. Skip the worksheets and the organizational worldbuilding software. Just write. It’s the only way to find out what you actually have to say.

tags for @thevikingwoman @bearly-tolerable @idrelle-miocovani @pikapeppa @littleblue-eyedbird @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul @buttsonthebeach @ellstersmash and anyone else who’d like to do this!! <3

[donbrownposts]

Creative Selling

FEAR OF NO                                                                                                                                   

 Why do so many people fear the word no?  Is this word so negative you would sometimes wish it never existed?   Imagine how your childhood would have been if mom or dad never told you no? Stay up all hours, hang out with your friends all night on week days or ever worry about what your mom or dad would say if you did not do your homework or complete a term paper? How about that school teacher who made you keep quiet in class or send you to the principal’s office after throwing an object across the classroom or pushing the fire alarm on a snowy day? How great it would be if you just did not have to deal with the word NO!  

 Doesn't salesmen deal with no all the time or military personnel are constantly told no throughout their tour of duty and of course we all at one time or another had to face rejection from the opposite sex while finally getting the nerve to ask and then THAT BIG FAT WORD NO. Yes, we are all told no all the time whatever it's being rejected by the opposite sex or told you did not qualify for a certain sports event or get that great job offer that would push your career to the next level?  It is all part of life and will always be around regardless of how you make a living or perhaps want to buy a car and the finance company rejects your loan request or declines your application for a mortgage on your dream home. No matter who you are or what you do there will be times when one must sell something including yourself. No is just a big part of the process and selling is a process.

Selling Your Self or Something

What actually does sell yourself or selling something actually mean? Perhaps a better word might be persuasion. Isn't to persuade the same as to sell someone? First let us look at the definition of persuasion. “The action or fact of persuading someone or being persuaded to do or believe something.” Other words associated with persuasion are coercion, inducement, encouragement, urging, enticement, and wheeling. If you are going into B2B  sales the most important word you can or should remember is ethics. This word goes a long way in selling oneself which is the key in selling any product or service.

 Persuasion, in my opinion, is nothing more than presenting facts to support a theory or hypothesis that answers a question or solves a problem. Ben Franklin as everyone is familiar with from the history of the United States was faced with proving that lightning and electricity was the same. Mr. Franklin, as we all know, did the famous kite flight with a metal key attached to a wire on the kite and when the lightning struck the kite, Mr. Franklin felt a strong shock that proved lightning was in fact electricity. This obviously proved that Ben Franklin's theory of lighting and electricity is the same and was of course an excellent example of persuasion. The power of persuasion is not to force or to push someone into buying something regardless of the results, but is the ability to help solve a problem in his or her business. One can follow all the text book strategies and tactics in the world, and which is important, but nothing is going to happen until both the customer and the seller meets agreement on a specific problem and the seller can demonstrate to the buyer a successful solution that solves the problem. The case of Berger Industries, Maspeth, NY is a perfect case example to illustrate this.

 A purchasing agent of several years and who just recently joined the company is briefed by the company's Chief Engineer that the new plastic pipeline product is having issues with assembly of the O'Ring seal, it was very time consuming and frustrating the assembly operator and supervisor. It was originally estimated that the process would take 20 to 30 seconds to install and has been actually taking over one minute and sometimes longer. The operator has to struggle while sliding the rubber seal over the pipe and due to excessive friction finds it to be a very hard in pushing the O'Ring into the groove.” This job was supposed to be a high profit maker but at this rate it will be a definite loser.”  The new purchasing agent Norm while holding his finger to his chin expressed, “Let me make a few calls and see what might be done about this.” “There must be a simpler way of accomplishing this. “up Armed with his list of prior relationships in the rubber seal business, places a call to a reputable supplier of rubber products that he did business with at one of his previous employers. Norm was put in contact with myself and after explaining the situation I scheduled an appointment for the following morning. We had the usual hand shake and simple conversation over coffee and after a brief meeting was introduced to the chief engineer and assembly supervisor. Looking at the application reminded me of the exact same problem with another plastic pipe manufacturer. The problem in assembly of O'Ring Seals over any pipe is a significant amount of friction.  I asked the customer for a few days to produce some prototype samples and would get back to them. I immediately placed a sample order and had O'Rings in a special compound as I promised delivered to Norm and engineer for test and evaluation. The engineer and assembly supervisor were amazed as to how much faster and  

easier the O'Rings slipped over the pipe and into the groove. Their original estimate of 20 seconds per seal was reduced in half to under 19 seconds. Smiles from ear to ear came across to all three participants and obviously I walked out afterwards with a contract for a two-year supply. Our compound was specified as sole source and a two-year contract had the business locked up and out of reach from competition. This is an example of servicing an UN-served market resident immediately flew up to meet with me and question my company loyalty and why I cost the company so much money by selling a special compound as opposed to selling parts already in stock.  Once he heard the total story the facts of the case he quickly came to my support and someone else got faced with further training on understanding customer’s needs.    

 Prospective employees waiting for their job interview, a businessman making the first step of a start-up business or baseball pitcher trying out for a major or minor league baseball team all have the common denominator of the word no. What makes this word so powerful that it puts so many strong people into a frenzy and such a deep fear and anxiety? Such a simple and common word that in many of us will do almost anything to avoid dealing with it.  Why would so many people carry so much negative emotion so afraid of the outcome of events?  What we do need to realize is that fear in atoll shapes and sizes is a part of everyone's life and it is just about impossible to change that. Famous actors also go through fear of rejection with almost every audition, entrepreneurs may start over twenty business o [opportunities before finding one successful one, polished sales people will make several presentations and be rejected as well as some of the best criminal attorneys will experience some losses at one time or another. Perry Mason even lost a few. You may ask, “Why does these people never fear no or rejection?” It might surprise you, but everyone does at various points in their life. The greatest people, in spite of their success, feels fear and rejection almost all the time. It usually turns out however that fear is never the issue but how one handles fear and rejection is what really matters. In fact, fear is all over the place such as a businessman waiting for a decision on a very important business loan or salesman presenting a product to a new prospect.  Both of these people are looking for different results but are feeling the same tension and anxiety that is associated with them

fear. Why is this so? Let us look at different levels of fear and the pluses of fear as well as the negatives.

Fear and Rejection

According to Matt James, PHD. Fear is a basic human emotion. It was wired into our systems for a

beneficial purpose—to signal us in times of danger and prepare us physically so we could accomplish what is necessary for survival.” “Fear lets you see only the downside, and that won't get you very far.”  “When warranted, fear can be one of our most vital resources, but as Helen Keller said, "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than out-right exposure”.  “The fearful are caught as often as the bold." “These days, fear has become big business rather than a helpful, valuable resource.” “We live in a climate fueled by fear while the media manipulates fear to earn higher ratings with headlines such as will major storm hit Your Neighborhood while merchandisers tap our fear to sell products.” “ Politicians stir up fear to accumulate votes, religious leaders employ fear to keep flocks in line, and parents use fear to keep kids from misbehaving.”  “Fear is woven into the fabric of our lives, perhaps affecting modern adults even more than it did our caveman ancestors.”

“A recent article in the New York Observer recently claimed that “fear is the new normal.”[1] Fear influences the choices we make  yet making decisions motivated by fear is flawed, if not dangerous; it will never lead to the healthy, fulfilling lives we crave.” What we can learn about fear should not affect us negatively but should be considered a resource that can and will enhance our productivity and quality of work.

 Positive of Fear

 We will, in our case, concentrate on the young sales person all shaken up during a sales presentation with the fear of the customer rejecting his or her proposal. We are going to look at some factors and

strategies that will not only turn one's fear into more productivity but provide you with high

FEAR OF NO                                                                                                                               

 Confidence and total command of the situation at hand. The sales person will know that every presentation will not always be a closed sale, but he or she will know that they will achieve their fair share as well as the entrepreneur is going to handle most objectives and tasks with confidence and provide a strong presence to the staff.  Let us look at some of the business situations where a strong understanding can provide you with that feeling of confidence and credibility. As we follow Dr. Matt James, he points out several other important factors regarding fear such as “Fear sees only the downside.”

 Conquering fear and the word no is not eazy but it is simple. I will be addressing more on this on my next blog post.

[random2908]

Seen on Twitter, https://twitter.com/alexandraerin/status/1035196520918863873?s=21

a transcript of the tweet thread (tweets quoted within are italicized including links) since I could only otherwise find difficult-to-read screenshots:

A while back, I tweeted that in case anyone isn't clear, we are well past the "first they came for" point.

This is a big story and I'm not sure it's possible for it to get enough attention.

In some cases, passport applicants with official U.S. birth certificates are being jailed in immigration detention centers and entered into deportation proceedings.” Article: http://wapo.st/2PNIf68

I'm sure the "no need to panic" brigade would want us to point out that this affecting "only" hundreds or thousands of Latinx Americans living in a narrow region along the border.

But.

First of all, that's too many people.

Because...

Because here is the thing about due process.

Everybody gets it, or no one really has it.

And from the moment the Trump regime decided it just doesn't apply to "illegal" immigrants, we were always heading here.

Some (white) people replied to suspension of due process for non-citizens by saying "Well, I could prove my citizenship easily." But how do you do that when you're not entitled to any process to prove anything?

If we passed an amendment to the Constitution saying that Constitutional protections don't apply to waterbed repair technicians named Sleven Trusbucket, all the government would have to do is say that's you and you would be out of options for proving them wrong.

And to the sort of person who is sure that life operates on formal logic and strict proof, the sort of person who is sure if they can present the right argument just the right way they can convince anyone of the truth of anything, it feels like there must be some way around that.

But that's part of the horror of a situation like this, part of why Kafka's The Trial is so viscerally uncomfortable to read. The proof does not matter if no one is bound to accept the proof. It feels like it should. It always feels like truth should matter, proof should matter.

Now I said long ago, and again at the head of this thread, that we're past the point of "first they came for". For most of the people reading this, they're still not up to "they came for me", and probably won't be for a while. They're working to expand the ranks of "non-American"

They redefined huge swathes of undocumented immigrants -- including ones working with the system to fix their status -- as "criminals" and "gangmembers" and "animals". They slammed the door in the face of immigrants with papers, finding pretexts to call them "illegal".

They started revoking the citizenship of naturalized citizens for whatever excuse they could find, and the next step is to strip citizenship of natural born citizens who don't fit their profile of a Real American.

Right now their excuse for doing so is restricting them to people born in a border region but the excuse will widen and so will the scope of the action.

And they aren't just moving in one direction here. They've been revoking the passports of trans people while all this is happening.

Now, the flipside of revoking citizenship and "deporting" someone is: the United States cannot bestow citizenship for another country. Just because the man in the low castle thinks someone looks "Mexican" doesn't mean they default to that when they lose US citizenship.

There's been a lot of talk on Twitter about the dangers of statelessness, in regard to Canada and ending birthright citizenship (something the Trumpers would love to do if they can swing it.)

People who lose their citizenship are thrown into a legal limbo, effectively becoming unpersoned for many purposes.”

Tweet/ https://twitter.com/bashirmoham…/status/1033585831544410112… “I am shocked and disturbed that the Conservative Party of Canada voted to end birth right citizenship in Canada.

I say this as someone who was born stateless - legally without a country. I'll tell you my story and why this is move is so reckless and dangerous.”

And while nationalists whip up fear of the foreign, they hate and despise the stateless even more. They're deliberately making the "immigration crisis" worse.

Nazi apologists will be happy to tell you that the great humanitarian Hitler tried so hard to get Jewish Germans settled happily and healthily elsewhere but that no one would take them in, thus leaving him with a problem in need of a final solution.

So what's going to happen when Trump has stripped citizenship from everyone who doesn't "look American", doesn't "look like they should be voting", but there's nowhere to deport all these people, no home country for them to return to?

And maybe you're thinking that we don't have the resources to actually disenfranchise and denaturalize *everybody* who doesn't "look American" buuuut the magic of not giving due process is they don't have to.

If you knew that people whose last names are in the same language as yours are getting rounded up, stripped of rights, and arrested when they go to apply for or renew a passport... how dire would it have to be, before you'd dare try?

And then what if it expands to, say, people showing up at polling places? DMVs? Hospitals?

What if it goes on to the point where "everyone knows" that people with certain names and/or skin tones aren't really citizens and don't have to be afforded any particular rights?

Before the SCOTUS struck down sodomy laws, in a lot of states being seen as gay could be used to justify just about any level of discrimination. Gay couple needs an apartment? "We can't make landlords rent to a criminal if they don't want to." Were the couple ever convicted? No.

But ~*everybody knew*~ what gay people got up into their bedrooms was illegal, doing illegal things made you a criminal, and being a criminal was grounds for termination, eviction, expulsion, exclusion.

Or if you want to see what the future of law enforcement looks like in a fascist state, look at the standards used to arrest and prosecute sex workers.

For years now, in the land of Innocent Until Proven Guilty, you could be arrested for "suspicion" of a victimless crime because of entirely legal materials in your purse and entirely legal conduct within a place you had every legal right to be.

The actual ideal is that the cops could know you're a sex worker, could know for a certain fact that you're engaged in sex work, but if they couldn't prove it then you are an innocent in the eyes of the law. That's how it's supposed to work and how it works for some crimes.

Everyone in town can know that J. Doe up on the hill beats his wife and kids but if the cops can't prove it they will tell you nothing can be done, and proof has to be more than the fear in their eyes or bruises on their arms. Or even him "allegedly" bragging about it.

Meanwhile they'll pick people up off the street for ~*suspicion*~ of sex work and "prove" it through entirely circumstantial means, none of which points to actual lawbreaking.

Now here's the crux of that: being able to claim that any woman carrying condoms (for instance) is a sex worker doesn't mean they detain everyone and make them turn out their pockets.

It just gives them a tool, a weapon, to use when they feel like it.

And that's the future of policing. Increasingly broad rules that could apply to increasingly wide swaths of the population, that can be deployed by the authorities when someone "looks" like they might be trouble, much less starts to actually make any.

They practice these techniques on populations they think they can get away with practicing them on, and when they do get away with it, they start looking to expand.

Cf. stop and frisk in New York City, where white kids were more likely to have marijuana but less likely to be stopped and ordered to turn out their pockets. It was a tool of control.

Obviously I'm talking about practices that go back years before when Trump came to power. He's part of a progression, not the source.

And if you want to know where the progression is heading, just look at how the law has treated people on the margins since the year seventeen seventy forever.

That's where we're heading.

And I don't think enough people are alarmed enough by this.

I saw somebody QTing the Washington Post story at the head of this thread with "And Democrats want to tell us to vote every two years like that's enough."

It's not enough. But we haven't been voting every two years, and that's part of how we got here. Just part. A crucial part.

I think we should add this (specifically: stripping people near the border of citizenship) to the things we call our representatives about, especially but not only if you're in Texas. And if we can vote in a Democratic majority we'll have more tractable reps to yell at about it.

Tweet/ https://twitter.com/herhandsmyh…/status/1035206932938801152… “Plus: we have to start somewhere. Voting every single time is an essential step.”

Essential. Necessary. Not sufficient, but necessary.

A scary thing in all of this: the wave of revocation of trans passports I alluded to upthread doesn't appear to have *originated* anywhere. Select federal employees just decided it's time to start doing it.

I can't tell you from the outside which escalations of "enforcement" (to abuse the term) against immigrants and what I guess are "accused immigrants" among citizens were also spontaneous decisions made at the level at which they occur but I'm sure some of them were.

What I'm saying is, there have always been people within the federal enforcement apparatus and bureaucracy who were waiting for favorable winds to launch their warships.

Tweet/ https://twitter.com/queer_i_am/status/1035207525363200001… “Anti-homeless laws are also a really good example, especially because they target actions _everyone_ does. Pull over after working a night shift to nap and avoid an accident? Illegal.

I stopped to watch a cop once and he got in my space and threatened to take me in on loitering.”

See also: anti-loitering laws. A law against existing in space. Used to run off white kids who aren't driving business, run in anyone the cops feel like making a criminal. Not enforced against anyone ~*respectable*~, who "belongs".

With so much of this enforcement being subjective and self-directed, it is also decentralized. Which makes it harder to block or even attack.

Bank involvement in forfeiture/seizure of assets. (h/t @herhandsmyhands) This should scare you.

Tweet/https://twitter.com/sacbee_news/status/1035172325463736320… “Bank of America freezing accounts of customers suspected of not being US citizens : https://www.sacbee.com/news/business/article217567300.html

I know people are waiting for a point where it feels real, where it really feels like Nazi Germany. That point is going to be too far along to have any practical chance of stopping it.

Instead it's going to keep happening piecmeal and every time it happens, those who sound the alarm will be met with "You're overreacting, this isn't like a law against Jewish business ownership, this is only affecting a specific group of people in specific circumstances."

Relax: The monster's not eating your whole body, it's just eating one bite at a time.

The piecemeal, self-directed, subjective nature of these actions makes them harder to fight. Bank of America, the State Department, and DHS are all saying the same thing when questioned on this: "This is the same policy we've always followed." It's just being applied differently.

"We've always exercised discretion..." but now it's being exercised in different directions, towards different ends.

Someone asked what to do, besides be scared:

Make a lot of noise. If we are silent, we are complicit. If the only voices heard are those who support what's happening, they can claim universal assent.

If you work in a workplace, try telling your coworkers, "You know, they're taking citizenship away from people who live near the borders. If they can do that to anyone, they could do that to us. I don't think it's right." You don't have to make it partisan or anti-Trump.

Yell at your elected representatives. Democratic politicians should be aware that the GOP is reshaping the electorate in their favor. It's cynical, but they have to care about that.

Tweet about it, share it on social media. These things are not sufficient but they are necessary.

Vote in November. Same.

I know it feels like making noise isn't doing anything except complaining and we're taught that talk is the opposite of action but I promise you: talk is an action. When there is enough of an outcry they back down. Not all the way always. But slowing and mitigating damage helps.