#so then because I was already in a ranty mood

[permrry]

.

[demonsfate]

I've already went over why TK8's story didn't work for Jin, despite the fact it was clearly meant to "fix" him. But since I am in a ranty / analytical mood today, I will go over it to add to the other post lol.

Jin's characterization is actually pretty damn good in TK8. It's the first time, since TK5, that Jin felt like the Jin I love. However... the characterization is where the good ends. The story still messes him up tremendously, if not WORSE... which? How tf can they even ACHIEVE making a bigger mess of the current mess? Especially with proper characterization?

It's what I've been saying since the start of this blog, they should've just retconned it. Like, it's even easier than most would think to retcon it. But they didn't. Dunno why, but they didn't. And it'd be one thing if they didn't retcon it and just had Jin say "I gotta redeem myself!" once, but... the problem is, they keep DOUBLING DOWN on TK6's story. They persistently remind the player about it... except only reminding the player about it on a surface level. Like if you didn't play TK6, or you've forgotten a lot about it - TK8 will literally just make you believe Jin killed all these people for no actual reason other than he was once a Bad Guy kinda like Kazuya. Who, btw, are both irredeemable in this context.

Every time TK6 is brought up in TK8, it's either to tell Jin that he's killed COUNTLESS people and only for Jin to essentially say "shut up!" or "but I'm learning to move on..." as responses. It... uh... doesn't put our main hero in a very good light when he can't even defend himself for these actions. And whenever Jin thinks back to it, he's like "wow I was bad but now I must atone myself!" again, NOTHING actually tells you what he did in TK6 beyond the war, and WHY he did it... you just have no clue about this character's motivations and why he's suddenly good again. And honestly? If you're a longtime player, you're probably still confused about it!

To this day, most people still believe Jin started the war to purely get rid of the devil gene. That is a very incorrect misconception. Getting rid of the devil gene was merely a bonus for Jin. Jin's main goal was to save the world from Azazel, since Azazel suddenly came to him and said "yup I'm destroying the world someday". Then there were just two other goals Jin figured he could do along this main one. The second one being that he theorized there's a possibility that killing Azazel would get rid of the devil gene, considering that Azazel's the origins. (Very flawed logic when you think about it but that's TK6 writing for you). The third reason was that uhhh... he thought he could end corrupt governments????? That was thrown in at the end of TK6, likely something to force his goals to seem Slightly Better.

If TK8 really wanted to present Jin in a better light, they could've... REMINDED US IN THE STORY OF THE GOOD REASONS WHY JIN STARTED THE WAR?? That, according to TK6's writing, it's something he HAD to do, had no other choice?? Or at the very least, they could've mentioned his goals to topple corrupt governments was a success??? But no.

And that's another problem. All of Jin's reasons for stopping the war had failed. Killing Azazel: Failed (at least during the war, he supposedly successfully did it when fighting Kazuya) Destroying the devil gene: Failed. Overthrowing corrupt governments: ????

So that fact that Jin failed every reason he started the war over, it makes him feel very incompetent, and also makes the war feel completely pointless in the first place. That all those people died for no reason at all.

The Tek wiki even does a better job at this by mentioning that Devil did indeed have an influence over Jin.

Which again, also would've helped if Jin wasn't in his right mind. So say, why didn't they.... oh right.

Because the Devil Gene is now no longer a "bad" or "good" thing. It all depends on what the host uses it for, and how they accept it. Devil [Jin] was never bad. In fact, he was only trying to protect Jin the entire time. 🙄 Which means Devil couldn't have influenced Jin to do something Fucked Up lmao. Jin was the idiot boy for not listening to and giving into his devil! Sure, at first glance, this seems sappy and a decent "accept yourself!" story, but it also falls apart when you remember the previous stories. Again, if the devil gene was never that bad to begin with - then it also makes a part of Jin's war pointless (even if, as I said, that wasn't actually a priority of his).

It also goes back to what I was saying about why fans dislike Jin. One of the reasons is because they believe he's "whiny". Which I always disagreed with that. Jin had every reason to hate the devil gene and most of his family. Except... oh wait, these changes do make Jin's haters' take valid. Because if the devil gene really could've been a beneficial factor for Jin, then Jin really was loathing himself, ready to kill himself, hiding from his friends & family... for absolutely nothing. The devil gene wasn't a problem and Jin was absolutely crying over nothing. Again, this makes him feel like a protagonist that just constantly fucks up. And not even an intriguing line of mistakes, but just frustrating. It makes Jin out to be a very bad protagonist, and an even worse "hero" for our story.

So uh... yeah! Even if on surface, TK8 looks like it portrayed Jin well... once you start looking at it critically, really looking into all the changes and choices, you realize it actually made things worse for Jin. Which is just absolutely wild how they managed to pull that off...

[venusvxen]

Seeing The World Through The Lens Of Your 4D

Was thinking in the shower how we have events ,, good or bad,, that happen in the 3d and they influence the way we view certain things that pertain to it for the rest of our life.

Obviously if you’re reading this you’re well acquainted with the law so we all know that the reason those things keep showing up the way they do is because we’ve accepted them as fact in the 4d so that’s why the patterns keep popping up in the physical. Everything starts above nothing **actually** happens or ends in the 3d…

So i was thinking… instead of viewing the world through the lens of our old shitty programming.. why don’t we just view certain areas of our life through the lens of the version of ourself who already has what they want..

this isn’t a huge epiphany of course but it’s rlly just me realizing that everything that nothing really happens in the physical. like.. nothing at all.. so why wouldn’t you be able to apply this knowledge to the things you want and start giving them to yourself..

to do this you would have to take your imaginal experiences as **fact** and make your assumptions based off those experiences. The experiences have to be viewed as real as the experiences you have in ur 3d that you use to make assumptions..

for example.. let’s just say you’re manifesting being in a loving relationship in ur 4d and experience being loved and pampered and being treated really well by ur person… you would take that experience as factual.. bc it is.. bc it truly happened uno.. because you *truly* have that experience you would find it futile to walk around on eggshells irl expecting future partners to hurt you or even say “i’ll never find someone” because you have truly experienced love and being loved..

that’s just an example i could think of off the top of my head.. i hope this makes sense i’m not in a ranty mood tonight but it’s rlly practicing **consciously** legitimatizing imaginal acts and basing our world view off our **imaginal** experiences as opposed to what we **see** because at the end of the day everything is imagination. all of our beliefs are things we’ve accepted in imagination in a way we just weren’t aware of it at the time.

I think by doing this it’s a way in which we can “act” like the version of ourself who has our desire.. before i used to be soooo stressed by figuring out how to do this and what neville meant.. i would legitimately like.. try to figure out how to talk different.. think different.. and none of it came natural because self wasn’t changed and it was all done in an effort to get… like it felt super forced…

i’ve kind of slowly been realizing lately though that my issue and why my manifestations haven’t been “externalized” is because of my putting the 3d over the 4d and waiting…. waiting for proof and confirmation… by legitimatizing my experiences and trying my best to react to the world based on what happens in the 4d.. not only will it make you feel better as a person **assuming you’re imagining good things** but obviously you’ll be acting as the person who has your desire which in turn will make it materialize faster

[emsylcatac]

You would have recieoa lot of asks about this before, and sorry if this comes off as whiny, but I am almost depressed with the fandom salting on yesterday's episode:(

Like a couple of people who I follow started salting on the writing saying that it was biased at Marinette, and that it was physiiabuse in the first scene.

I get why a lot of people would have problems with that scene, so I ignored them.

But then they are also salting on the fake confession scene saying that Marinette was being narcissistic in that scene and that it was not romantic and disgusting and all sorts of such things.

Normally I block away all the salt but this makes me soo sad and uncomfortable and I feel even like crying because I am so confused now because it was actually my most favourite Marichat scene of all times and

Normally I block away all the salt but this makes me soo sad and uncomfortable and I fell even like crying because I am so confused now because it was actually my most favourite Marichat scene of all times and people saying it was abusive is just - upsetting:(

Them come people comparing Gabriel - GABRIEL to Ladybug saying she was an abuser too and I can't-

To take my mind off this I decided to read fabfiction but guess what? The first ever fanfic I ran into today was a Marinette saltfic salting on the show:((

Now the thing which even bugs me more is that one of these salters was a person who doesn't really salt on the show at all. And they also sound reasonable and I am confused because am I seeing things wrong? Am I ignoring something which is really wrong? I just... don't know.

Sorry if this was ranty, again. If you could can you tell what you liked about the episode? I would love to hear good takes about how amazing the episode was.

Hey anon ♥︎

I'm sorry people are damping your mood, especially after such a cool episode!

Sometimes people are affected by things differently depending on their personal experiences, triggers, etc, so maybe that's why the person who seemed reasonable to you ended up salting. It doesn't mean they're right and you're wrong just because they usually aren't a salter, especially right after an episode, the first reaction to it can be vastly different from once you've taken a step back! Since we're all human, sometimes even reasonable people end up having questionable takes and if you don't understand or share their view on it, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're the one who missed something ♥︎

(Also felt about going on AO3 with the Marinette salt fic, got the same experience as you this morning).

For the confession scene, people gotta asked themselves these questions:

Did Marinette ask Chat Noir's help with the intention of hurting him?

Did Chat Noir mind being her practice person?

Was Chat Noir or Marinette hurt by each other during it?

All of the answers are "no" so calling it disgusting is stupid! Also, that scene wasn't supposed to be romantic between the two: it was about Marinette and Chat Noir's personal and internal character growth, and that's what happened. If it was supposed to be read as romantic, then Adrien would have learnt that Marinette's crush was himself, and it wasn't the case! It was just a fun scene with lots of introspection!

Anyway, enough about countering negativity, I'll say what I loved about the episode (which is everything but I'll try to not go overboard hahaha [edit: I'm not even halfway through it but it's already too long so Imma gonna put a "read more" I loved that episode too much rip]):

I loved that Ladynoir discussion at the start with Ladybug setting her boundaries and Chat Noir deciding to stop oversharing his affection cause he understood she didn't find it funny .

I loved to see Adrien being really affected and sad about his feelings. We hadn't seen him as bothered before when it came to Ladybug, so that really hit emotionally! .

Really liked Marinette wanting to cheer him up. And I also loved that we can see she's still hasn't grasped fully yet how to deal with Adrien, which is coherent with what she says to Chat Noir later on: when she sees Adrien sad, her reaction is that it'll give her an opportunity to cheer him up and she hopes he'll then see her in a positive light. It's not "I'm gonna ask what's wrong and see if and how I can help". She's not there yet, but she will and I like that we saw her still being in her fantaisie instead of being how we know Marinette to be when she sees anyone else being sad and wanting to confort them. Because it's exactly what she admits to Chat Noir later so it adds even more weigh to it! It was really well written. And I believe she'll learn soon how to approach him better as she's now identified that she had a hard time around him .

I loved that she gave him a freaking pottery wheel it was hilarious. To recreate Ghost. Oh my god that was so funny .

Adrien wanting to keep the wheel too gfhjhjgfhjg .

I LOVED loved loved Adrien shutting Gabriel's offer for "help" down. That was so satisfying and wow, to see how Adrien has come from being hopeful regarding his dad to resigned to outright refusing him is both heartbreaking and beautiful .

Adrien holding his mother's picture after shutting down his father like "wish u were here so I could talk to you instead u'd know what to say" rip my heeeaaart 🥲 .

Plagg so funny about the "three sentences, that's family warmth" I diiiiied 💀and omg I really loved Adrien saying he didn't want to be like his father. I think that should shut up people who still doubted he'd join him once he knew for his mother. He won't 😎 .

I was not expecting to see Kagami but I'm soooo happy she was there!!! First because she immediately saw something was wrong with Adrien and offered help. I assume they probably made up in an earlier episode, maybe Gabriel Agreste or Psychomedian. And then when she gave Marinette's advices talking the fencing language and about her manga? Aaah girl that was so cute and funny! .

Adrien wanting to destroy all traces of his love for LB with TONS of posters shown in Paris and Plagg being sick of cheese? that was really funny and extra haha. I like how we see him having a hard time managing his emotions and not handling it quite right yet. And I especially love how this episode parallels Marinette's denial of feelings for Adrien from Mr Pigeon 72. Throughout Mr Pigeon, Marinette tried to push Adrien and Kagami together by denying her feelings for Adrien and saying she's moved on or has to. And at the end, she understood she could embrace them. It's kinda what happens with Chat Noir too! They both try to control their feelings instead of learning how to deal with them at first, and the conclusion of each episode is that they gotta embrace them and not try too hard! .

Marinette calling out to Chat Noir like she would a real cat killed me .

Okay but. Marinette went through her entire contact list and couldn't find the perfect person to rehearse her confession. Then she sees Chat Noir, her best friend with whom she's comfortable with and goes "yes this will be perfect", how cute is that? .

I liked that Tikki (who, for once, wasn't evil :P) pointed out that Chat Noir being out there isn't normal and Marinette brushing her off: it's in coherence with the next few episodes and the mounting tension between them. Chat Noir rarely shows himself as vulnerable to anyone, so of course Marinette didn't assume he wasn't feeling ok. And of course she won't notice him later withdrawing because to her, Chat Noir's her rock and he's fine and thinking he's not is scary. So I liked how it made sense she didn't assume he'd be out cause he was hurting! It's too early for her to realise it .

That whole confession scene was the best thing ever oh my god. Marinette is so extra I love her so much, I laughed a lot at how cheesy her confession is, and I laughed even more when Chat Noir had to act all touched and moved by it and she told him "you're overdoing it" because girl. Do you hear yourself talking ajhshj. Chat Noir laughing at "Buttercup" was everything: wait for when it'll be your actual nickname post reveal boy, we'll see who laughs in the end .

I really liked Adrien not knowing which face to do: he's asked to play a role, but he doesn't know how to do it. He doesn't know how a "sweetheart" is supposed to react to her confession, he wants to make the face she wants him to and is waiting to be told how to act. For an episode about learning to "being one selves"and drop the act it was interesting to say the least! .

I love how sweet they were and Chat Noir comforting Marinette and giving her advice. And how committed into helping her Chat Noir was, when he wanted for her to try again after the movies and after the akuma attack without her asking it again. He so wanted for her to succeed it was sweet!! .

I love how honest they were during the cinema, and how they expressed how they react differently to having to confess their love. It was really good to see them realising and/or admitting why they were struggling with it, and it'll help them in the future! .

Overall, these conversations between Marinette and Chat Noir offered big character development and it was so nice to see! I really love how this episode showed that Marinette and Adrien are learning to focus on themselves this season before going headfirst into love. The kids are growing and it's beautiful to see! They also have an immense amount of respect for each other and I love that, in all sides of the masks .

Chat Noir having an umbrella in his baton 🥺 Marinette calling him a good chaton 🥺 .

Ladybug and Chat Noir driving a car was everything I didn't know I needed. Chat Noir telling her "my great friend for whom I only feel sincere friendship" killed me, boy stop trying to hard ahhjhjazsd (it was again a callback to Marinette in Mr Pigeon trying too hard to pretend she didn't feel anything for Adrien) .

I love how Ladybug and Chat Noir talked about their boundaries again and what was ok and not ok to do. They're such good kids and such great friends I love them .

Marinette realising her confession wasn't representative of herself was!!! So good!!! And you know what? That's when Chat Noir didn't have to wonder about how he should react to her practicing and which face he should make. His reaction was genuine because she was genuine, so he was really admiring that she managed to open up her heart for real. In this little rehearsal, they both managed to be themselves in a way! .

Aaaand I love how it inspired him for that finale scene! Adrien understood the solution wasn't to try to fight off his feelings for Ladybug, but to accept them and embrace them but have a different approach with it. To just be himself and see where it leads him. That was so important!! Once again, the point isn't for the lovesquare to reverse: it's for them to embrace themselves and each other, and to most importantly accept and love themselves and I loved it ♥︎ love yourself and you'll love better, and people will see you for who you are too

Anyway I'm sorry that was so long so I tried to cover lots of points briefly, but I loved that episode so much, the messages it carried and the character development we got!!

Have a nice day/evening anon and I hope my answer help you feel better 😄

[rpg-elf-girl]

Shadows House

I have a lot of thoughts surrounding this particular show, both good & bad.

Allow me to give a quick summary for anyone who hasn't seen/read it!

Shadows House is about 'a faceless family of nobles who all live within this giant manor, the Shadows House.

When a Shadow comes of age they receive a 'Living Doll' to both serve as their face and to clean the soot they emit from their bodies.

The most important rule of the living dolls is "don't fret over trivial matters"

A task which is difficult for the ever curious doll Emiliko.

Watch this tale unfold as Emiliko & her mistress Kate navigate this ever mysterious Manor together.'

For a fan of slow burn thrillers, horror, slice of life, supernatural & mystery series' this has been an absolute blast!

It's not quite the combination of genres you'd expect from a show, but it works really well here!

In fact I was so into the anime that this is actually the first show where I broke down and read the manga!

Unfortunately there's no official English release, but at least there are some people translating the series!

As much as I'd like to go on about the manga, this post is meant to be more so about the anime so I'll (try to) leave it at that.

Though i feel obligated to warn anime onlys I'll likely refer the manga a lot in a spoiler section latter in this post I'll try to be vague but I can't guarantee anything. For anyone worried about that I'll lable it do you can read on until then.

Everything from the animation to the music was amazing & completely fit the mood of the story! I remember a couple scenes where I actually teared up because of this!

The Ending theme is an absolute banger! I've listened to that on repeat ever since I first heard it! And the Opening is also great! It's cool for it to be an instrumental, stuff like that is pretty rare! I also heard the song in the op as a motif in the music throughout the show! It really sets the right mood in each scene it's in! It's amazing for getting into each episode!

In terms of adaptation almost everything from the beginning to the end of the Debut arc was done amazingly well!

Even with the stuff they cut it still holds true to the spirit of its source.

The main important part that was cut is something that could easily be introduced latter if they decide to go for a second season, so I'm not too mad about that.

However! Everything after the debut is a bit of a different story.

There was a lot I liked about the last couple episodes but there were some parts that were immersion breaking for me.

I've been being vague up until this point l, but I'm planning on going into spoiler territory for both the anime and manga after this. So I'll make a quick spoiler free summary of my thoughts before moving onto that.

I really really loved this show but in my opinion the last 3 episodes were the weakest of them all. They went anime only for the ending. I don't mind that on it's own, but it was rushed and the writing was sloppy at times.

Now I'm not telling you to not watch the show! Most of It's really really good, and I can still see people enjoying the parts I'm talking about if they want to give the anime a try. Overall I've fallen in love with this series and I could never recommend it enough.

If what I'm saying is giving you bad vibes the manga is available and doesn't have the issues I've mentioned. You can look for a translation online, it didn't take me long to find one so don't worry too much about that.

Also! if you're an anime only who's finished the series and want to know where to pick up the Manga I'd recommend at least skiming through the beginning. I know it might not be what you're looking for but there were a bunch of small scenes that either got cut or were merged for adaptation purposes that I think are super cute & give more context to different aspects of the setting. However! Pay close attention during the "night watchers part" something important got cut .

~~~Now for spoilers!!!!~~~

I don't want to make it sound like I'm some manga purist who hates the very thought of the slightest change from the source. I'm anime only for a lot of different shows and I've always despised it when that type of manga reader reared it's ugly head.

While I'll admit some changes did bother me I won't make a fuss about the smaller stuff.

With that said!

I hinted earlier in this post that I didn't have a big problem with Robe-same being cut. That was because without them there it does make for a more complete story if they only get one season to work with.

If there is another season they can easily be introduced latter on. Like maybe Emiliko & Shaun can meet them when the Debutant class reunion is going on before they talk on the roof (or right after that) I actually think that would be the perfect time to introduce them (other than the time they were supposed to appear, but I digress)

Louise teaming up & being friendly with Kate can be explained with some dialogue changes at the first Debutant Class Reunion. Louise can say she was just trying to show off or that she just wanted to get back at Edward and that she isn't interested in helping Kate with her problems. Things can then go on as they did in the manga.

Kates being reckless & telling everything to John can be explained by her being extremely panicked when Emiliko went missing, as long as there are some lines of dialogue adressing this it's fine. Though I do wish she tried to keep some stuff a secret but couldn't because Shaun tries to interfer because he's still brainwashed, or something along those lines. It felt a bit weird after she just told Emiliko to keep that stuff between them. Still that could be explained by how panicked she was.

There are other things, but I don't want to drag the post on too long. Most of the issues can be fixed with little changes here & there.

I never had a problem with the idea of them going in an anime only direction. I just want to have a good time with the show.

Unfortunately I can't 100% vouche for the direction the show went in. There were elements that I can't excuse, even viewing it as it's own entity instead of an adaptation.

My main complaint with it is how they handled the brainwashing of Ricky & Lou. They didn't say a word when the Debutants were talking badly about Edward & even went along with a plan to go against him. It makes absolutely no sense!

Shaun freaked out when John only suggested that he didn't have to be loyal to the house. These guys were flat out rebelling against an adult! It felt like Ricky & Lou didn't have a purpose & were just there to be there.

The whole point of the coffee is to influence shadows against doing stuff like this. It makes the coffee seem pointless and the adults seem dumb for relying on it to control the kids.

I haven't even brought up the fact that both of their brainwashings were broken by something as simple as a few kind words. It straight up contradicts the rules established by both the Anime and Manga.

This becomes very apparent when you consider all the trouble John & Kate went through to free Shaun & Emiliko.

This was my biggest complaint, but I have some other issues as well.

The next big one is how they handled Edward.

1. Why on earth would he even consider kidnapping Emiliko when he had complete control of the childrens wing? Before this point he was depicted as being a lot more crafty than this. He could easily have Kate monitored or something.

2. Why didn't he use his powers to stop them like what he did to Maryrose & Rosemary when they fought back being taken to the adults wing? He's already shown off his power at this point, why not?

3. Why did he reveal his soot powers at all!? Especially while using his face in front of the kids! The whole unification thing is one of the biggest secrets of the house for good reason! There's no way he wouldn't get in huge trouble for exposing it to children!

Here are some other related questions.

Why didn't Kate, Emiliko, & John react to Edward using soot powers? They shouldn't know about unification yet so why didn't they act shocked, or say anything about it?

Is Edward being banished even an option in the Shadows House? Wouldn't the third floor lords just dispose of him rather than risk letting him leave?

How did John even get a veiled dolls outfit? Louise had to use her powers to get Kate one & she left a long time ago.

I can't think of much else at the moment, but I think you get my point.

Please don't take this as me saying that I hate the show because of these episodes. Even if I consider them the weakest of the series I still found a lot of parts to be very enjoyable!

Like I thought it was adorable When Edward was attempting to interrogate Emiliko & she kept being her sunshine self pretending to eat & falling asleep.

Barbara getting to tell off Edward for breaking the rules was great!

I loved seeing Shaun hatch the plan to get Kate into the adults wing to save Emiliko.

Seeing John (attempt to) sneak around the adults wing had me rolling!

The ending scene of Shaun, Ricky, & Lou singing gave me the chills.

(Though I wonder how they'd handle Shaun & Emiliko being brainwashed again since they already used the scenes where they're freed)

Kate & Emilico being propelled by John back to the children's wing was absolutely amazing! I found Shaun & Ricky running over to catch them to be super sweet! (Not to mention the way that scene was animated was absolutely gorgeous!)

Getting hints to what was supposed to come after the debut was nice, at least the groundwork is there in case this gets a season 2!

To (try to) wrap this all up while there were a lot of things I loved and disliked about this show I still had a really fun time watching it!

I kinda hope there's a season two just to see if they can tidy up the mess that the last few episodes created.

Regardless of whether that happens or not I came out of this with a series I absolutely adore.

Heck I could make a whole other post about the manga. (Hopefully one that's less ranty)

Anyway! I won't take any more of your time.

I hope you all have a wonderful day/night! And I hope to see you in my next post!

(Sorry if this one was a bit of a mess!)

[amwritingmeta]

Hello there! So, fellow destiel shipper here, read all about the finale a few hours ago... I just saw your destiel queerbaiting analysis (LOVED IT!) and... what are your thoughts on Carry On? (canyoutellimshamelesslylookingforsomecatharticrants)

Hello my dear!

I’ll admit I’m in a ranting mood, so you’re in luck. Catch me in a few days and I’ll probably be less ranty, more level headed, more oh they think they can shove Cas out of the narrative and hint he’s running around fixing Heaven with Jack without actually giving us a visual establishing of TFW 2.O reunited and of course especially Cas and Dean reunited and we’ll all just be absolutely understanding of that and nod and go, mh, makes sense because the show was always about the brothers wasn’t it, mh, mh hmh, hmmmmmmmmh let me present you with my slideshow of why and how of course we shall not go any form of mh at it.

This is not a few days from now. (look out for that slideshow though) (it will be spectacular)

Queerbaiting. Such a hotly contested topic in relation to this show. If you read my analysis then you know the faith I’ve always had. For four years. Unwavering faith. I’ve seen it so clearly in this narrative because I’ve wanted to see it, because it got me excited for what this narrative might be moving towards ripping apart, which is how the American manly man is represented in media such as this, the one that mildly glorifies the violent, repressed, WHITE middle-class male. The not quite well-educated but street-smart WHITE male. The modern cowboy WHITE male.

For someone representative of all these things to flip the switch and reveal himself to be bisexual would’ve been... well, glorious. It would have been utterly glorious. 

So were we - was I - queerbaited into thinking this would happen? That we’d get queer representation, in full, on Supernatural through the stated love story of Dean and Cas?

I. Still. Don’t. Know.

I’m serious. That’s the truth. The ugly fucking annoying frustrating goddamn truth. Dammit!!

(I may have had wine and whisky and a bit of beer so pls ignore me if this turns from rant to ramble) *drunk af* *that’s not true* *I’m tipsy at best* *aiming for drunk af though*

I don’t know if “queerbaiting” is what these writers engaged with for over a decade because I don’t know if they knew for sure that they would never be able to deliver it, or if it’s possible that all the showrunners and all the writers throughout all the seasons that have played around with the Destiel subtext HOPED that it might come to fruition once the finale rolled around.

Here’s another question, though:

Was I queerbaited into watching this fucking disaster of a finale because I was left with the hope that Cas was going to return?

I would, at this moment in time, say ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY I WAS.

I didn’t get to grieve Cas when I was supposed to BECAUSE I HAD NO INDICATION FROM THE CAST OR SHOWRUNNER OR ANYONE CURRENTLY ON THE SHOW THAT THE DEATH WAS STICKING AND HE WAS NOT COMING BACK OMFGGGGGG THIS IS THE WORST THING THEY’VE EVER FUCKING DONE!!!!!!!!!!

I swear to Jack. I’ll never forgive them for this. Not that they want any forgiveness or expect it or would ever even seek it. Obviously. All they cared about was the fucking ratings for the finale, which would’ve been lower if we knew for sure there was no Cas in it.

I wouldn’t have watched it as eagerly, I’ll admit that. I would’ve watched it, though, which is what makes me sad. At least I could’ve been prepared for the badness, for the utter pit of horrors that awaited me, at least I could’ve been in acceptance mode and nodded and laughed a little, maybe shook my head like, yeah, makes sense. But no.

Nope. 

And yes fine Cas is in Heaven with Jack so it’s not like they didn’t HINT that maybe at SOME POINT these men will all be reunited but omfg.

The finale.

Does not.

Exist.

I refuse to acknowledge it’s existence. It existed for about an hour and a half while I was going through every single stage of grief with my pal @natmoose and then I moved into laughter at the absolute ridiculousness of this whole situation, and acceptance, and now I’m just drinking. And chilling.

Here’s where I take proper offence. 

I take offence at 15x18. I take offence at the episode beginning with two queer characters having their relationship torn apart by one disappearing, and then the person remaining lamenting the fact that she dared open her heart and then this happened - her person is just GONE - only for Charlie to then die as well. Visually. Disappearing from sight. Erased.

I take offence at a straight couple consisting of one deaf character getting torn apart, yet more representation just inexplicably erased. 

And then I take offence at this love story I’ve followed and adored and hoped and embraced as the possibility for healthy representation and healthy progression for Dean and for Cas for four years, a love story others have embraced for well over a decade, ending in Cas finally reaching a moment of true happiness, and that happiness requiring a self-sacrifice so great that his I love you literally means death.

I take offence at all this. It makes me fucking angry. It’s dismissive of what representation means to a lot of people and it MAKES NO SENSE since it’s written by a writer who has always seemed extremely sensitive to these things. 

So. Queerbaiting occurred, to my mind, for sure for the first time in these two weeks after 15x18, where the lid was put on Cas actually dying, and there were enough hinting that he did for everyone to throw their hands up and say but we thought it was OBVIOUS, but not enough of it there to put us off watching the finale, because we might’ve been put off had we known, for sure, hands down, that Cas was not going to come back.

Or perhaps that hope wasn’t wide spread and most people accepted his death for what it was. I know some people immediately saw it for what it was, I saw a few posts on Instagram and Twitter to that effect, so, you know, idk. Maybe it’s just me. Being hopeful. Yearning for hopeful endings. The fact that the show didn’t deliver the ending I was hopeful for isn’t, end of the day, the show’s fault.

To me, the way I view this narrative, the way I’ve always read it, this ending makes no sense, regresses both brothers in horrifying ways, underlines the codependency as the healthy option (which makes me feel physically ill btw), and leaves us with the moral of the story being... what? What was it for? What was it all about?? WHAT WAS IT ALL ABOUT PEOPLE??? 

Anyway. Finale does not exist. So it’s about love, and growth, and identity, and freedom, and finding peace with who you truly are.

Dean did not get impaled. In a vamp den. In a BARN. Like how DARED THEY KILL HIM IN A BARN?? OMFGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! 

Sorry.

Does not exist. 

Okay, this is already long. Did I... rant enough? Did I talk about queerbaiting enough? I’m not going to throw queerbaiting shade on the entire narrative. I just can’t. But queerbaiting shade on 15x18? Yah. Thrown.

Sigh.

[kuronekonerochan]

*deep breath, takes cover* so...about Start Up *activates shields*

Warning: This is a rant... a looooooooooooooooong raaant (pls read this in that long man jap commercial singing voice, if you don’t know what I’m talking about google it...it’s...wow).

First, let’s start with how I feel watching this drama vv

^^ Found footage of drama viewers who went into this hooked by the first engaging episodes thinking it would be a good drama and not crumble to the ground in the second half, after already having gone through Do You Like Brahms? and Record of Youth just in the past few months of 2020.

I think the problem with dramas this year is that the scripts seem like they were written without purpose. A writer should want to tell a story. They should have a clear picture in their minds of what story they want to tell. Of who their characters are as people and how they want them to be at the end and what happens to mold them into who they become and how they get there. 

These scripts don't seem to want to tell a story at all. The writers instead seem to have something to say instead of a story to tell. They want to say ppl are like that and they behave a certain way and so we end up with scripts like Do You Like Brahms? or Record of Youth with a million characters portraying relatable irl attitudes and it works as social commentary, but without a proper plot for a story they want to tell to streamline the whole thing it becomes little more than people watching that is interesting at the beginning as character study but quickly falls apart when it becomes apparent they have no idea what to do with the characters they've created. 

And in DYLB the characters ended up having no time to have properly structured arcs because they stopped the drama and filled the runtime with secondary characters demonstrating various forms of pettiness in human nature and when they got back to the main characters and broke them down they suddenly ran out of time to make them heal on screen so it was a rushed mess.

 Record of Youth was so worried with showing also a billion characters for the different types of ppl there were, that besides PBG, most characters had little to no development They were just there, there was no story it was all pointless.

Start up also had this  vast set of characters, each with defined personalities and individual issues to overcome: the sister with her internalized (and misplaced) guilt and her defense coping mechanism of lashing out on her sister and overcompensating stubborn behavior; the mother with her life choices; the grandmother with her past lies and current health issues; Dal Mi with her rage issues and her inferiority complex and her relationship with her sister; Do San with his confidence issues and his self sacrificing/self sabotaging bullshit; Ji Pyeong with his loner complex and his guilt towards grandma and back into her family and the unresolved issues with Dal Mi; plus the found family aspect, the team growing together, Ji Pyeong being begrudgingly supportive against his will and Nam Do San being disarmingly honest and kind to him even when they disagree bc that's how he is, even if he now stands up for himself and starts to be cheekier.

 And that's how the drama was going... until it wasn't. Because there was a sandbox competition and jargon and stuff to cram in there for conflict and a love triangle they decided to drag for some reason... and suddenly because some events needed to happen the characters start behaving in a way that makes no sense to their established personalities. Do San is blowing up all the time and him and Ji Pyeong hate each other all of a sudden... no more endearing bickering, pure vitriol; Dal Mi after the whole reveal with the letters never had a personal conversation with Ji Pyeong again; the mother had an out of the blue christian mea culpa...without barely talking to any character prior besides the MIL; and one of Do San's friends is pissed at Ji Pyeong, also out of the blue bc years ago he was mean to his brother and he killed himself. He is mad now, halfway into the competition...not when they met Ji Pyeong at their old place, or during the whole "fooling Dal Mi as a CEO" arc, or even at the beginning of the sandbox...just randomly now. Artificial conflict who?

 And Dal Mi and her sister...well the drama doesn't have time to unpack all that, or show a proper personal conversation between Ji Pyeong and Dal Mi, but this drama also needs to end with the family back together and Do San still needs to end up as the brilliant confident engineer he needs to be, and since him and his Sherpa, who should have been the one to nurture him (even with a bit of tough love), are now busy hating each other...well TIME JUMP TIME!

Character development on screen who? Do you like Brahms? Start up sure does bc they did the exact same thing...when you write yourself into a corner...stop writing, do a time jump and tell everyone everything already happened. 

This is latest mutation of the time jump trope is even worse than the usual kind. The romantic trope one was usually for self reflection, to make a break from the conclusion of the dramatic plot and transition smoothly into a happy ending (since killing off the bad guy, who one of the characters might be related to or had befriended before he went off the deep end and thus have conflicting feelings about, and immediately jump into the smooching mood might be a tad too much), or fix up the power imbalance in traditional kdramas (the female lead spends the whole drama as his secretary...time jump glow up for curriculum abroad so she doesn’t have to work for him all day before coming home together...not that sexy, kind of exhausting really), or simply kdrama trope tradition like the last minute amnesia...just because.

 But in our year of the devil 2020 time jumps are now where the meat of the plot should be. The emotional resolutions, the healing, the forgiveness, where relationships are mended and strengthened and the important events take place. It’s the divine spa for plot holes and lazy writing where scriptwriters sip their drinks and congratulate themselves for a work well done, because in the end it all worked out...their characters come out of the time jump spa feeling refreshed, with a new purpose in life at peace with themselves and all their struggles past them, just in time for a happy reunion, or just footage of them looking at cellphones and posters and talking about other characters so the audience knows all is well and they’re all pals now... and then they go back to their chores and the camera pans out (okay this one I realize due to the pandemic maybe having the entire cast together could be difficult, but at least showing them interacting one on one for god’s sake).

I know this was long and ranty, but I am getting tired of this new trend of  Don't show and don't tell...at least not to their faces. Go with "Oh, haven't you heard? xoxo gossip girl". I am all for good character study and social commentary, but maybe tell a story and then according to the actions of the characters give them realistic personality traits. And only then, after having a clear plot in mind, incorporate the characters into the story and not the story into the characters.

[illusion-reality-steve]

Reaction to Rainbow Steve’s fall

Oh no...Rainbow Steve, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9VDZSd-VZI

They’re TEAMING UP?!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEp9GPF22cU

Everyone always asks “Who is Rainbow Steve now?”

But no one ever asks “How’s Rainbow Steve?”

First of all, AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

My heart. My aching heart.  I actually took, like, a week long break between watching these two episodes because the first episode really hit close to home for me.

These episodes were so serious and dark. It was such a mood whiplash. It’s been literally forever since I last heard serious Sabre. The mood is so solemn and serious. And honestly, really good call. If the episodes had any comedic moments, that would had been a really major mistake.

The first episode was really painful to watch because, again, it hit close to home. I really relate to Sabre and Time’s position in that episode. I know what it’s like to see a friend who is so upset and wants things to end, and I have to comfort them. But that friend keeps shutting every comforting word, dismissing it all as fiction because they cannot see anything positive at all about themself and their situation.

Sabre, a human who isn’t able to break blocks, can only use his words to save a life. And this episode really shows how serious and important and angst-filled that role is. Sabre is basically that online friend who has to comfort their online, upset friend.

This episode also really contributes to the “optimism vs pessimism vs despair” theme this series has been building up.

And ah, I was right that Sabre will realize the culture/expectation of the Hero causes more harm than good and that everyone needs to help save the world. I analyzed and theorized this would happen in this post. But dang, it hurts to be right. It hurts to see that the person suffering the most from this toxic savior culture is Rainbow ;-;

I really love the execution and the serious tone of these two episodes.

But of course, I still have some gripes with these two episodes. Three of them, to be exact:

1: That the episode referenced Rainbow’s identity crisis established earlier in Season 2 by giving Rainbow Imposter Syndrome and making Sabre worry about the morale drop

Like I said in my very ranty Reverse arc post, I really hate that RQ did a speedrun of the “Rainbow’s new identity” crisis. We’re way past that by now; RQ established that Rainbow’s identity as an Orange Steve doesn’t matter because his friends will support him no matter what. So it feels really anticlimatic that RQ suddenly made this a big deal so many episodes after it did a speedrun of this arc. It’s just disappointing and breaks my suspension of disbelief.

I really dislike the forced lack of communication. Why aren’t you telling the Orange Steves about this, Sabre and Blue Steve? Orange Steves already know Rainbow and are willing to help them. Don’t leave them in the dark.

2: How Sabre chooses to comfort Rainbow Steve

I also dislike that Sabre tries to comfort Rainbow by saying “You’re Rainbow, and that’s a good thing. Things will get better and we need you.” Because I don’t think that’ll help. Sabre didn’t even ask what Rainbow was feeling; Sabre just tried to force Rainbow to be optimistic and didn’t even ask Rainbow what he even wanted (like a therapist, more heroes like Light Steve to help him, or a simple walk through the woods).

If the Darkness was like, a presentation in front of a huge audience, and Rainbow was the anxious presenter, Sabre pretty much just said “I know it’s hard, but please just do the presentation anyways. We can get you friends to help you with the next presentation and the audience isn’t that scary.” To some stressed people, those words do help. But what if Rainbow just wanted a moment to breathe and relieve stress? What if Rainbow wants to see a therapist? What if Rainbow being told that his stress is irrational just made him feel worse? Rainbow deserved to hear options, not just the first thing Sabre can think to say.

Void is right in that Sabre keeps speaking for Rainbow. I can see how Void is basically showing Rainbow unhealthy coping mechanisms

Sabre really messed up with comforting Rainbow, but I can let this slide because it made the plot feel so much more realistic. Being kind and comforting someone is a skill. A difficult skill. I think Sabre didn’t realize he made Rainbow feel worse and it’s just good, tragic drama

3: My third major issue is....this

[ID: A Minecraft chat that reads “Void Steve: For i am a living void, who feels NO sence of empathy.” End ID.]

Here’s the reality: “lack of empathy” =/= “evil.” I know that some neurodivergent people struggle with empathy. I will not speak for that community since I’m not part of it, but I’m pretty sure we shouldn’t dehumanize them if they struggle with empathy.

So Rainbow Quest...I’ll be keeping this dialogue in mind as I watch how you portray Void and Rainbow in future episodes. You better not be villainizing a certain group of people, Rainbow Quest, because that’ll be Yikes.

[beautiful-detective]

After being gone for so long, I'm finally making a post cause I can't hold this in any longer. Time to bitch about a webtoon, unholy blood.

Content warning: lots of swearing and possible homophobia(?)

I just have one particular complaint really and maybe some side complaints. I will start off by saying that the art is good. Like, no shit it's good. And I have a feeling that's why most people like it. It's part of the reason why I've been reading it. I'm not going to stop reading it because I see it as easy entertainment. That's not me insulting it. My favorite movie is the Last Dragon and that's campy as fuck.

Anyways, on to the major complaint with unholy blood. There's absolutely no tension or sense of fucking stakes in this webtoon. This is an action series so you would think that one of the major stakes would be the main character possibly losing their life, right? Or atleast a limb. No way in hell that's shit is happening. Let me fill you in on a little secret about Hayan. She's a pureblood vampire. Oh, I forgot to say that this is a vampire series, if it wasn't already obvious. She's a pureblood, which means she the most op person in this story.

The story will pretend that Hayan could get hurt or actually lose but the webtoon started in media-res so why bother. Here's an example from the top of my head. Hayan is fighting this mind control vampire and it looks like she's about to lose her heart. Surprise! Surprise! It was actually a delusion that Hayan casted cause now she can do mind control too! This is just one of the things, that once you notice, you can't put it off your mind. Hayan will face a vampire with a special ability and will gain that ability like she's megaman. Gotta hurry to the next level or...boss fight.

How am I supposed to get properly invested if the main character has nothing to lose? Yes, her father figure died but that's the whole calcayst of the story. So, you can't write that out or you don't have a story to tell. Hayan doesn't truly have any flaws that could get her into trouble. She always polite, outgoing and if she does do something a bit questionable, the side characters are quick to forgive her. Like the instance she told someone else a secret that her partner had been keeping. He doesn't get mad at her or scold her. It turns out fine and he forgives her! Like, I thought you wanted to keep that a secret?

Hayan as a character just kind of ticks me off. She does this stupid thing that I hate when other characters, well-written or not do. She has this tendency to blame the whole vampire epidemic on herself. Which doesn't make any fucking sense to me personally, no matter how many times this chick does it. It honestly just annoying and makes her seem self-centered. But no one calls her out on her bullshit? Like, Hayan, I'm pretty sure it those fucking vampires at top brass doing the fuck shit. Not you, little miss purity who was just minding her business just a week ago. I hope the story doesn't do something stupid and say it is her fault because she pureblood.

Also, I'm have some feelings about Jinha/Aeyong. Not in shipping sense but the way the narrative treats her. It's really the whole reason I was pushed to make this bitchy, ranty post. Like, the vampires we seen till this point were all assholes. Plain, regular of the mill assholes. Then we get Jinha or Ash or whatever the fuck you wanna call her. Our first impression is she's gonna be the smiley but I kill you without hesitation type. She kinda is but kinda not? She's short-tempered but helps people by regularly donating to charity. She even helped out a run of the mill girl that was getting harassed by a pimp(?). However, the narrative seems to want us to hate her like all the other villans that came before her. Which, I don't understand.

Also, there's this unfortunate lesbian stereotype regrading her backstory. That I really hated. Also, Hayan keeps wailing on her in a scene that I think is kinda dumb. She's punching her to tell her a code but it's obvious that Ash isn't going to tell her. So, why are you still punching her? She doesn't even pose a threat to Hayan cause she can easily fight back. So, you think she try changing up tactics but no. She keeps punching still time runs out. It doesn't matter though, cause as I've said previously there are ZERO stakes in this story. So, everything is fine. No one besides the lesbian got hurt.

Honestly, as I'm typing this out I don't understand what was even the entire point of this arc. Some smart people in the webtoon have pointed out that the opponents that Hayan faced are supposed to be facets of her personality. There's just one teeny tiny problem with that. I don't give a single FUCK about Hayan and her bland-ass personality. She can shove it where she found it. Her ASS.

Again, another arc where nothing of consequence was lost. I probably shouldn't expect too much in future installments.

I honestly thought this was going to be a short post, with, like one paragraph. That's how short I was going to be. I guess I had more to say than I initially thought. This was a extremely insulting post but I'm just airing out my thoughts on this webtoon because it been in my mind for awhile. Like I said before my bitching, unholy blood is popcorn entertainment. There's nothing with that. And if people like it because of that, more power to them. I am definitely one of those people. Sometimes, you just wanna watch/read something easy. I don't wanna think too hard and most masterpieces are upsetting to read when I'm in a depressive mood. Unholy Blood doesn't make me too upset unless it's touching the subject of lgbt+a/queer people.

That's all I had to say. If you've read this far, thanks. You get nothing expect enlightenment. Thank me instead. >:(

Just kidding, have a nice day,night and afterlife!

[slootsforshace]

Please do bring up Tender Feet in regards to Louie Duck!

Okay, gonna do this kinda bullet-point like, mainly because that's how I took my notes, but also kinda ranty. Sorry!

I wanna start by saying that Louie's reaction to Tenderfeet ruining his sweaters and touching his food is valid, okay? If your family brought home a wild animal, and it started ripping up your clothes and eating all your food, you'd get upset too!

Also, I can accept Dewey not realizing Tenderfeet was smarter than he let on, but it hurts seeing Huey ignoring facts that are right in front of him: "Simple-minded? He's making a sandwich on a Panini Press!"

I know the "Just because we like him more than you" bit is a joke, but holy shit it just made me itchy and uncomfortable, even though it only lasted like a second.

And it's made worse when Louie is immediately threatened with bodily harm/death by Tenderfeet, is unable to tell Scrooge because of his fear for the family's safety, and it's all compounded by Dewey shoving Louie - hard enough to almost knock him over - and then Huey punching him in that same arm. It's already hard to watch, but especially so with how fucking sad he looks after -

Like, he gets mad for a split second when Dewey pushes him, but he looks genuinely hurt and shocked after Huey punches him.

And the fact that he instantly channels that hurt into a scheme to get Tenderfeet out, knowing he's the only one who can because no one else would believe him anyway, just goes to show how much he loves his family.

Also, weird random observation, but apparently it's just normal to his family that Louie rapidly switches emotional states, considering Huey and Dewey's complete lack of a reaction when he goes from hating Tenderfeet to crying over the fact that he's dying. Donald probably should have taken Louie to see someone about those mood swings, cause that's not really 'normal'.

The only upside - that becomes a massive downside if you stop to think about it - is that Louie's acting skills are top-notch and unmatched. My boy can cry on command, convincingly enough to even fool Scrooge McDuck with a seemingly heartfelt speech.

[aelaer]

☕ The extended Avengers. Aka Rhodey, Wanda, Vision, Bucky, NOT PETER (already done), Captain Marvel and Ant Man. I think that's it? The others are outsiders that occasionally come into the fight and will be asked about later. 👀

Bucky you can find here.

So there’s a fun history to this post. The first draft I wrote when I was in a ranty mood, and in a rare moment of wisdom, I held off posting until I was calm and ready to revisit it. So that happened this summer, and the original draft was heavily edited. … and then Tumblr saved *none* of my edits. None of them. Ohhh, I was fuming. So I left it be, and then I had another break in the fall. Now as I play catch-up, I revisit this post once more withhh draft #3.

Rhodey: Not given nearly enough credit by most. First point: Tony wouldn’t be alive for y’all to ship (with literally everyone) without Rhodey being a motherfucking boss and saving him from everything. What I really like about Rhodey is his independence and agency. They make it a huge point in the films to show how independent Rhodey is from Tony Stark while still being his best friend. The best fan fiction with Rhodey is when the writer remembers Rhodey’s agency and keep him his own independent person rather than a Tony yes-man. The wonderful thing about Rhodey is that he supports his best friend when he agrees with him, and he lets his own opinion be known when he doesn’t, and on occasion, he sets Tony back in his place when it’s needed. He has a strong, strong character and strong personality which is why I love him so much.

With Tony’s strong personality, it would have been easy to have Tony walk all over him, but that doesn’t happen. He stands his ground when it matters, and he has his own strong opinions for his own reasons, and best of all, none of his opinions have anything to do with his friendship with Tony Stark. He’s his own man. He’s such an amazing character on his own, so why wouldn’t a writer explore the interesting dynamics between these two and make Rhodey stand on his own? I Don’t Get It.

Wanda: Not fleshed out nearly enough compared to other side Avengers in the MCU, and done outright dirty by a large segment of the MCU fandom (which was the start of my enormous distaste of anti-culture). I do think that she has a lot of potential for an expansion of character in canon, and I really hope we see more of her personality and what makes her her in her TV show. I hope we get some sort of flashbacks from her difficult childhood after she was made an orphan in a civil war, some sort of acknowledgement of her grief and healing from her brother’s death, and Vision’s as well. That is what I am looking for most in her show - more growth as a character and further acknowledgements of the grief and tragedy that shaped the woman she became. She’s never been near my favorite Avenger, but a large reason she hasn’t is because she hasn’t had the chance on the screen to really become a fully fleshed character. And that’s a crime.

Vision: Ah yeah, this was a large part as to why I didn’t post the first draft of this. A small segment of the fanbase upset me with their hypocrisy in mocking Vision’s and Wanda’s love as not real because of his android-ness, while understanding Tony’s care for his robots and his true grief for JARVIS’s loss. The inability to understand Wanda’s grief for Vision’s loss, while claiming to understand Tony’s loss for JARVIS, is simply willful ignorance. I remember I got especially angry about this at the time because some person somewhere was mocking Wanda for loving “a toaster”. The type of folks who make such comments just seem really… ignorant. Unless they’re mocking Tony in the same way for loving JARVIS. If they are, then it’s like– you’re just being more ignorant. I have stronger words, but– not worth the effort.

I don’t remember being so angry at fandom as often when I was active in the Tolkien fandom. Annoyed, but actively angry? Nah, but no one ever treated the characters so poorly and actively made fun of people for liking other characters. It might be part of why I pulled away so fully for the exhausting year 2020 was. (The ‘reset’ time did help.)

Anyway, Vision himself is absolutely fascinating. He definitely had a very interesting birth process, and I adore how the presence of the Mind Stone helps “evolve” him into something alive, which really makes sense: the mind and the evolved ability to reason and “think” is what has really separated humanity from the rest of all living creatures. While we’ve seen evidence of other animals using tools and higher emotion, and some recognizing their own form in a mirror, there’s no species that does it with a complexity and consistency that humanity does (and in the MCU, other creatures that are distinguished between “animals” and “people”). With the mind evolving, he becomes as complex as a human or another alien form. And that’s really amazing. I’ve really, really enjoyed writing him as well and people don’t understand what they’re missing by dismissing him.

Carol: I was wondering when this would come up, but no one’s asked before now. This is my least favorite Avenger. I found her movie really underwhelming and out of all the characters in it, the side characters were 10 times more compelling than her. And I really liked Brie Larson in Community, so it’s not the actress herself. I think it may be just that I don’t think she really connected with me as a person, at least with what we saw with her in her intro movie. She just felt flat, humor, emotions, everything. I also really dislike overpowered characters with no obvious weaknesses. Stephen can run out of magic, for instance, or certain tech can take him out. Carol feels too much like Superman, and I really don’t like Superman either. That’s one reason I have to write her in any fighting role or in any “heroes are in trouble” role because she just seems to be able to get out of every hero-in-trouble situation fairly easily. I’m open for future films to change my mind, but at the moment she has nothing substantial for me as a character, especially with the other Avengers competing for “most interesting” and her powers make her too OP. But I’m rooting for her (and Goose). I could try writing her with Stephen in something involving demons, so that might prove more of a challenge and help me explore her character further. I’m certainly open to metas that dig further into what makes her tick, too.

Scott: Not given nearly enough credit for his own heroics in Endgame, for one thing. Tony wouldn’t have been able to do his Famous Uno Reverse Card without Scott’s optimism and hope. I love his sense of humor, I love that he’s both smart and funny, I LOVE how good of a dad he is, I adore adore adore that he’s on good standing with his ex and her fiance by the end of the first Ant Man, and I love how he so clearly has a clear, individual personality. Kudos to Paul Rudd and the writers/directors of the first two films for helping convey that so clearly. I’d love him to meet Doctor Strange so much, properly. Yeah, he’s not appreciated as much as he should be by fandom.

And this post is finally done.

[viostormcaller]

Thinking about it, it kinda sucks just how little new horizons has.

Like... I love the game to pieces and maybe this is just bc im in a shitty mood (which i am) but like... god this is gonna be long and ranty and I'm sorry in advance that mobile tumblr doesnt have the read more feature

For starters, holidays are all scheduled on the company's terms, meaning in 7+ years or so there will be no more in-game holidays because by then they'll probably be thinking about/getting ready to release the next installment of the series on whatever console is out at the time and they won't want to update new horizons anymore. And adding onto this, you need the internet to download the updates. What happens to the players who don't have internet?? Can they just never experience the holidays like bunny day and toy day and turkey day? That takes a HUGE part of the fun of the series out right off the bat. Sometimes making everything rely on the internet is a bad idea. Idk if anyone can like tell me if having no internet means you can't take part in the holidays, but like... god if that's true thats really sad.

They recently took out the hybrid flower and big fish islands, which makes no sense whatsoever why they would do that to a game that has so little, but ok?? It's not like that feature was hindering the gameplay any

There's a lot of furniture but Not a Lot of Furniture, you get me? They took out EVERY set except the classic set (renamed "antique") that you can buy for an insanely high price, and the log and wooden block sets that you can craft, but other that that it's all unrelated items that aren't part of any set, aside from the cute set and diner and throwback sets which as far as I can remember are the only other sets you can buy in the game. No alpine, no ranch, no minimalist, no princess or gracie, no modern or sleek, none of that. And 90% of all the buy-only furniture in the game is just the color variants. You can't even customize them! And it's hard as fuck to find the color variants you want, much less for completing a furniture set

And speaking of which, your starting villagers don't get their default house interiors. Your first three + your two starters from the tutorial days have the same generic layouts. You NEVER see what their houses are supposed to look like, and even if you give them the wallpaper and flooring they're supposed to have (if you figure that out online somewhere), their house doesn't change (I tested this with Sherb and was kinda disappointed).

And stuff is so EXPENSIVE. I know it adds a challenge but my final loan was NEVER 1 mil+ bells in New Leaf. And you can't even expand the extra first floor rooms you get. I'm literally getting less for WAY more. The biggest rooms you get are the basement and upstairs rooms. The first floor rooms aside from the main room really don't have a lot of space and with the different furniture they DO offer, I don't have a lot of room to put things in. But it's not like I can even afford it anyway -- just a freaking air conditioner was 63,000 bells. In New Leaf it was 2500. That's a MASSIVE jump. And the kitchen items are so freaking expensive, as well.

And speaking of houses, for someone who was literally in the real estate industry in the last game, tom nook adds very few house exterior options. And the even more shitty thing is that a lot of the colors straight up don't match. They couldn't even add a plain white roof.

God and the fucking DIY recipes. I know I've said this before on my other tumblr but the RNG for this game is the worst I've ever fucking seen. There is no reason why, two months into the game, I can be given a recipe for a simple DIY bench, which EVERYONE LEARNS IN THE TUTORIAL. Who the fuck am I giving it to?! No one, because literally every player knows it already, and you can't gift diy recipes to villagers! And I keep getting repeats of recipes. My villagers give me fruit DIYs all the time, it's so rare for me to get any new ones. And two days in a row I've gotten the recipe for the deer head mount thing from the same villager. New recipes should 100% take the priority before repeats. This game is slow paced, sure, but that's just frustrating. It doesn't make me excited to learn more recipes, it makes me feel like I'm never gonna learn any new ones because I'll get the same fruit DIYs for a week straight.

And speaking of which, you can't put trees, bushes, or flowers in your storage, which to me makes literally no sense. I can fit a giant ass fountain in my storage but I can't put a flower plant? Really? And speaking of storage, for a game that added 300 whole slots for mail instead of the usual 10, I will never understand why they decided to halve the amount of items a player can order a day from the nook shopping, AND make it so that it takes a whole day to get there instead of making deliveries at 9 am and 5 pm like in New Leaf.

And the fact that they made it so hard to get non native fruit and flowers and shit??? Like they at LEAST added Lief so flowers aren't as much of an issue anymore, but you actually have to travel to other people's islands just to get all the fruits?? I know you have to do the same thing in New Leaf but the reason why this is an issue for me is because you have to pay for online access, meaning most of those nook miles for planting all the fruits are locked behind a paywall unless your villagers can gift them to you. And your mom, when you first start the game, has a chance of giving you the one fruit that's on the non-native fruit mystery island, meaning you'll only get ONE new fruit and not two separate ones (for example, my sis got pears from mom but her non native fruit islands have cherries i believe. I got pears from mom and my fruit islands also have pears. Doesnt help that that's the one fruit i hate lmao). They also took OUT a bunch of fruits, like mangoes, durians, lemons, bananas, lychees, persimmons...

And the fact that your nook miles rewards are ISLAND LOCKED. That is the WORST SHIT. Not everyone has the ability to play with others, bc no internet or no money for the subscription every month. Not everyone WANTS to play with others bc maybe they get social anxiety (like me, which is why i havent asked for things that are impossible for me to get even though i want them for my island or house), or maybe they simply just don't want to. But the fact that each island has their own color variants of the same goddamn rewards that CANNOT BE CHANGED makes me so upset. I do not want nor should I have to rely on others to get the items I want because my game doesn't have my preferred color variations. And it's not like I'm far enough in the game to have anything worth trading for said items, nor do I have the bells.

And Isabelle does next to fucking nothing and I'm really irked about how they made her character in this game. Yeah she's cute, but that's ALL she is. She became more ditzy than anything else. She doesn't let you know about visitors in the town or the plaza or if a bridge or incline was built bc of a completed donation goal. Like really useful info to know would be if Flick or CJ is in town or who is selling stuff in the plaza. Flavor text is nice but if that's all you say 24/7 it loses its charm. In New Leaf she was helpful and hardworking and super focused and on top of things. Idk why they changed that aspect of her. I know her role in New Horizons isn't as big as it was in New Leaf, but still.

And then there's glitches that STILL haven't been patched (as far as I know anyway), like the game-breaking villager corruption glitch (which you'd think nintendo would have made a priority but they're too busy removing other features it seems) or the house exterior glitch.

And it's bad enough that your game saves to your fucking system a la Fantasy Life. But even WORSE, no one can have separate islands on one console. It's not enough to own two copies of New Horizons. Each player has to own one copy of the game and a whole new Switch just so they can play on their own islands. Parents can't usually afford that (aka $360 for each kid give or take) so for a game marketed towards kids, I don't know why they thought that was a smart move (well, I DO know, and that's because money, but still). And to top it all off, cloud saves are not supported normally. If you lose your game or your switch and aren't subscribed to nintendo online, well, it looks like all your progress is gone! And there's nothing you can do about it. And they directly claimed that they did this just so people can't manipulate the game because it's supposed to be played in real time. But people can still fucking time travel by setting the system's clock! They achieved nothing except to make the players frustrated!!! If you make a game you need to accept that the player is going to play how THEY want to. You shouldn't try to make everyone conform to the way YOU want them to play. That just makes you a controlling asshole and the game loses a lot of its fun.

This game was 60 bucks and they took so long to make it and we ended up with less than we got in New Leaf. The main thing they gave us was a shit ton more clothing items (which I really like). Like I said, I love this game to pieces and it's actually one of my favorite games right now. There's so much I love about it -- I certainly don't hate it or anything. But this game has SO MANY flaws, a lot of which are needless. And I think the kid in me just misses the days where you can pay for a game and get the whole game right away. No updates in tiny batches, no content locked behind paywalls, no day one patches, no reliance on internet connection and multiplayer... mainstream companies have all gone really downhill with that shit and it just disappoints me to no end. But because Nintendo is kid-oriented, I think that's where it hurts the most. It was supposed to be accessible, family friendly fun like back during the days of the Wii and the DS. But companies get so wrapped up in competing with each other and trying to make the most money that they forget about all that. I dunno. It just sucks.

If you read all this, god damn I'm surprised XD I got super ranty and I apologize. But I'm in a sad mood and I after learning about features they've taken out I just had to get all this off my chest. It's been weighing on me since the game released, especially since for months prior this game was all I could think about and I was really looking forward to it. It just let me down in a lot of ways, I guess.

[ghostmartyr]

But will 6 chapters be enough to aside from stopping Eren and finding a solution that doesn't involve genocide, also show us what's Historia thinking, that 104th's Ymir is alive and my YumiHisu ending ? Isayama better not disappoint me or else I'll cry

I think I have too many ranty promises about what I’ll do if I’m disappointed, so in the scheme of really not wanting to do things, here’s hoping for a satisfying ending that makes literally only me happy.

Storyboard time.

By which I mean fanfic, but really really lazy fanfic where I put zero effort into any real plot. There is some stuff that could arguably be taken seriously, but no. Effort not found.

130 ends volume 32, which means things are allowed to happen. Not necessarily that they will. We arrive at Odiha, and our heroic motley crew gets to discussing where Eren could possibly go.

(If the manga thinks finding the giant stegosaurus is a problem it gets to be a problem okay.)

Odiha conversation progresses to the point of someone threatening to break Yelena’s arm, and Yelena finally admits that even without Eren sharing this specific part of the plan, he had shown some interest in one of Zeke’s contingencies.

Interspersed with this is shots of the torched Marley coastline, and maybe some of the screaming people, including the refugees everyone partied with. Stego-Eren is off in the distance, and we pan even further out to a freckled figure watching the new horizon from a cell. Insert dialogue here about more nightmares.

131, start of volume 33. Let’s open on Shiganshina, with casual soldiers talking about what went down at the port, and telling off random civilians from getting too close to Eren’s ground zero. NPC Farmer Guy, aka a suspiciously tall blond man, is walking around through most of the shots of the soldiers continuing to talk current events. If you look closely, sometimes the blond guy is accompanied by a short woman.

Odiha side plot is still ongoing, with top tier Mikasa moments because my city now. They get the airship prepped by the end of the chapter, but have solved no problems. Connie has punched Yelena, and Falco is wondering next to Armin what it must be like, to be able to undo being a Shifter.

A few pages cover freckled Ymir reading Marley’s propaganda history books in some prison. Lingering shots on the relevant imagery while the sound effects reach peak rumble.

Back in Shiganshina, the weird blond guy is wandering around still, but is missing his iconic hat. The soldiers decide to finally tell him to get lost. Insert ominous comment about how his work here is done, anyway.

We hit the last few pages with Ymir’s prison being War Hammered, the face of Stego-Eren specifically lowering to glower at her.

At the same time, a different blond guy, now in possession of NPC Farmer Guy’s hat, is being dragged through the streets of Shiganshina by shorty.

Last page is a spread with both scenes, with one dialogue bubble telling the unmoved Ymir and unconscious Zeke that they don’t get to quit just yet.

132. The airship is probably up in the air at some point somewhere around here, but we’re not here to be overly particular. This installment mostly belongs to Zeke and Ymir. Ymir has no idea what Eren’s deal is, except that he’s the guy who announced the quality idea of killing everyone, but he’s made a point of retrieving her and killing none of the people in the prison except by falling rocks. He’s not putting on a good show of knowing how to do any of this. She’s not going to turn down being left alone, but following him along on his journey to wherever with nothing to do is proving very boring. Talking at him is as well. Eren is distinctly not in the mood for talking.

On the other side, Historia’s having the same problem with Zeke. He’s basically trapped himself in the same mode Reiner falls into after his Liberio talk with Eren. It’s not obvious unless you look closely, and with the state of Paradis, no one is looking that closely. Though some people do offer to give the poor young pregnant lady some supplies. Historia politely takes every advantage, and makes sure to hide Zeke’s face whenever someone in uniform walks by.

It’s a traveling chapter, and all the travelers look pretty drained. Toss the dice over the specifics, but near the end of the chapter, Zeke finally starts to come back to something resembling consciousness. Enough to ask why Historia’s even bothering, when everything’s ruined.

“But you’re still standing. Someone with a will like that shouldn’t be giving up.”

Zeke asks if that’s what she plans on telling her condemned child. She gave up the second she agreed with Zeke’s plan, and motives don’t excuse what she has already done to it.

By this point all pretense of putting up with Zeke is gone, and Historia takes out a knife.

Instead of slashing his throat, she drives it into her stomach, and pulls out nothing but fluff through the hole in her shirt.

She announces that Zeke’s plan hasn’t been running this show for a while, now, so he might as well get up and start walking instead of making her carry him the rest of the way.

133. Flashbacks. Not all of them, but enough to cover Historia’s end. Years ago, she thought she saw a dead future. Every year that's gone by without the vision coming true has felt like a gift she can’t accept. Killing Eren would have stopped all of it, and she’s still the one who chose to save him. Because regardless of the future, the person saying he never should have happened was someone she needed to protect. This is what she does. She rescues anyone who thinks they’re beyond hope.

That includes her, it turns out.

Through her perspective, we see her and Eren both starting to spiral, just a little. They can’t see a way out. It finally comes to a head once Eren’s approached by Yelena, and indirect details about Ymir makes Eren feel compelled to have an information sharing/apology session with Historia.

Enter the memory shard. Historia admits that she’s seen Eren’s role in her family’s deaths. She’s known for a while, along with what he’ll do, and, well. Sorry for not saying anything. Eren is visibly fracturing, and being the enemy of humanity is starting to sound pretty good. He wonders out loud if this is fate.

That’s the turning point.

If it is, they’ll change it.

Back in the present, Historia is still with Zeke. Who’s awake, even though he’s looking at her like she’s a monster. Historia makes the point that he’s always searched for a way to end this world. His method’s out, but they’re still here. If she has to drag him along, she will, but him going along with everything would be easier on both of them.

134. This is where everything has to explode, because it would be the end of volume 33. We still don’t have much of Eren’s perspective. Team Airship knows very little except that he’s been overly curious about Ymir, who’s alive for some reason, and also in where the original Eldia began.

Team Airship is avidly chasing after Eren, who is Stego-Eren and easy to track. Shocking. Eren’s perspective begins to have flashbacks.

Ymir still has no idea why she’s here.

Falco has her memories, and the closer the airship gets, the more Ymir is like... wait... do I know this genocidal bastard? Things be trippy.

Airship gets to Eren as Eren finds the spot with the primordial ooze. Directed to it by both Ymirs; one who’s been there before, and one whose only memories include a cult who wished they’d gotten to go there.

World goes back to black and the giant tree, and Mikasa has one last look at Eren before things go really weird.

135.

EREN RUNS UP A HILL AND MAKES A DEAL WITH GOD.

More Eren flashbacks establishing sense.

Historia and Zeke are hanging in the Reiss cavern, as the other point on the planet with the most concentrated Plot Magic. They’re the last two links to OG Ymir, and OG Ymir’s deal with whatever is what’s led them here. She started this story, and with Eren as a vehicle, she’s the one who gets to end it.

Via some complicated ritual, you have Historia and Zeke, who are the OG Ymir’s truest flesh; you have Eren, bearing the OG Titan as well as the Attack and War Hammer; you have freckled Ymir, who is a Titan returned to her humanity; you have the uncaring ooze, who looks at all this and is like, why did you disturb my slumber wtf have you all been doing to this child I made a demigod.

Primordial ooze hears a request, and remakes the world.

136: WOW THAT SURE ALL HAPPENED.

Whatever happens in 135 is addressed, and we all get to spend a few final, treasured moments with the cast. The end.

This is a cop-out.

Because I do not actually know what mechanics are going to be at play.

I’m going with the Madoka option of the world being changed, but with the added bonus of Historia and Zeke acting as a conduit for the memories of the original world, so they don’t fade out. The curse is lifted, and Eldians can no longer be forcibly transformed. Throw in a little, “everyone in the world is now patched into Paths, and Historia and Zeke are absolutely going to use that to convince folks that war ain’t it, chief.”

Eren went into the ooze chamber, and OG Ymir is what walked out. Mikasa puts Eren’s scarf around her.

And obviously, as part of the memory resorting, freckled Ymir gets her memories back from Falco, and has a promise to keep.

Give me an extra two chapters and I could even it out a little better.

Really, I do not know what is going to happen, and that throws a wrench in any and all speculation. There is a singular, “what is it all leading up to?” X marks the spot eureka moment that I do not have where the main plot is concerned. As far as I can tell, Eren’s made such a mess that I don’t think there is any good way to repair it. Mass Madoka powers feel like cheating, considering all everyone’s been through, but without a magical rework of the world, Eren has had a net negative effect on Paradis’ everything, deepening the cycle of hatred, and that’s where the curtain closes.

So I might joke about no effort going into this, but more honestly it’s that I feel like the important parts have to be deliberately vague, because I have yet to come up with something that works well as an ending.

In any case, you can do a lot in six chapters. Especially if you go pure id on it.

[all-razzle-no-dazzle]

I’m in a ranty mood now, so buckle up babies!

Nikki Sixx is a massive fucking prick, and his wife is lucky if she even has air where her brain should be. There, I said it.

Mr. I-beat-addiction, I-will-be-your-motivational-speaker, I-did-it-all needs to shut up with the I and focus on something other than himself.

He talks so damn much about helping other people beat addiction, but what does he do? Goes on a few talk shows, and that’s it.

Look, dude. If you actually give a shit, go out there and fucking help instead of being all talk. Volunteer at crisis centers. Give your money to charities instead of blowing it on an obnoxious daddy’s girl trophy wife who’s literally less than five years older than your eldest child.

What you’re doing is climbing to the top of a mountain, crowing about how hard it was for you to get there and how you wanna help the other climbers behind you, but not doing anything except just sitting at the summit and saying “you’ll get there because I did!” instead of actually going to help the other climbers. And keep in mind, being rich and famous means you get much better climbing gear than the rest of us.

Mr. champion-of-good-causes, all about stopping climate change and encouraging feminism, should realize that maybe, just maybe, jetting off to the tropics every six months and living in a giant mansion is the antithesis of climate-friendly? And tricking a groupie into thinking Tommy Lee was him so Tommy could fuck her is, y’know, rape?

And writing songs like “Slice of Your Pie” and “All in the Name Of...”, talking about how he likes girls so young that he could get arrested for chasing them? Not helping your case, dude. You’re someone i do NOT wanna be alone with.

Finally, dude, you’re sixty-one years old. With a air-headed celebrity-in-her-own-mind wife the age of your children and a daughter less than a year old. That’s fucking creepy, given the above. And what the fuck are you gonna do when you’re stuck in a nursing home and baby mama has ran off after the motley touring money dried up? Put the responsibility on your ten-year-old? It’s pretty damn irresponsible, don’t you think? Plus, wifey being all like “oh parenting is so HARD, the baby needs to eat every hour and it cuts into my hangout with my fake celeb friends time, i wanna work out three weeks postpartum but the doctor said i have to wait until six weeks, WAAAH!” is not an indicator that she’s “a natural” at parenting. It’s an indicator you’ll be spending more on nannies and maids than you already are, because mommy just wants a little doll to dress up and put on instagram for clicks, and maybe get some child support checks out of when you get tired of baby mama pussy and cheat with a 23 year old.

Grow the fuck up, Nikki. You’re not 25 anymore. Nobody outside of the glam metal fangroup gives a flying fuck about motley crue, so soothe your fucking ego, shut down your stupid cash-grab comeback tour, and actually help instead of sitting around like a screeching post turtle.

[hithren]

Obligatory end of the year post or review, or whatever. This is long and a bit ranty and a bit whiny, and a bit of everything else, so it's going under a cut 'cause I know not many would want to read it. This is one of the few places I can get my thoughts out, and sometimes you just got to pour out a bunch of feelings.

2019 was not a great year for me. It was the year I fully saw my own steady decline, in so many things. I feel sorry for the two thousand some people who followed this blog thinking it was art or FFXIV related, because my activity in both those dwindled off severely this year. The shortest answer I can offer is, depression.

In less than a month, I'm going to be 31. And I have nothing to show for it. No job, no future  prospects, not a lot of hope. Which means I am stuck in a highly abusive household with no way out. I've talked about it before, how my family see me as worthless (namely my mother), and remind me day in and day out that I am nothing. I am made to believe I have no worth, and no reason to be here. For 30 years I have slowly broken down thanks to her. This year I have reached my lowest point. Part of me honestly truly believes every word she says. I am worthless, I am nothing, I deserve the hate. I am very well aware I have severe depression and anxiety thanks to this, and I am also very well aware I need a therapist or medication, or both. But I can't get help. Most of my family are the type of people who write off depression as not being real or something that can be prayed away, my mother included (what do I have to be depressed about after all? I owe her everything). So seeing a therapist? Yeah no. My mother also worked in pharmacy for nearly 40 years, and has her fingers in most places I would get medication from, and would know what it was if it was ever found on me, even if I managed to somehow 'sneak' out to seek out therapy. But I can't hold conversations with people these days without breaking down in tears. I cry myself to sleep nearly every night. I have insomnia. I find little joy in things that used to be my favorites. I feel hopeless. I barely can RP or draw anymore, the two things that kept me going for so long, despite knowing it was unhealthy ways to cope (it was all I had). Setting up RP gives me panic attacks. I haven't been able to draw something I felt was even worth finishing in months, or I simply had no energy to pick up my pen. Despite being unemployed, with commissions being my only source of income, I couldn't make myself take on that many. Not when my inspiration and mood was so sorely affected. I couldn't charge for art I felt was sub-par. Two and a half years and a Master's degree later, I am stuck in this perpetual in between in the job market. Internships are the only things requiring no in house experience, but they also 9/10 require you to be a student. 'Entry' level positions are asking for 3-6 years of experience. I was never under the impression that getting into this industry would be easy. But I didn't expect this. I didn't expect years of sending out portfolios and applications and to have nothing. I've branched out, I tried applying to things like teaching after school art programs, helping with art auction houses, travel agencies, hell even cake decorating. Anything I felt I could do with my skill-sets. Nothing. And I'm being pressured by my mother daily, because I'm worthless after all, to get a job. But she limits what I can do. I looked into house or pet sitting, just to bring in money. Not good enough for her, not allowed. Retail or other part time things also are not allowed, because I have a degree and should be using it. She's pushing me into the medical field, but that's at least another 2 years in school and thousands of dollars I don't have. I don't understand what she wants from me. I'm willing to do most anything, though I hope for something at least vaguely art-related. I've applied out of state, out of country. Still nothing. I need to get out of this house, I need to be financial stable and independent so I can cut ties and heal. But it all seems like a pipe dream these days. This is already far longer than it should be. But as for 2020? Do I have hopes for it? Not at the moment. I have to live day by day or I break down again. I do have plans to push myself, open commissions this weekend and try to make it a monthly thing again. So if you've stayed this long, consider it advance notice for some slots in the works. I've also considered patreon, though my mind tells me I'm not good enough for stuff like that, and I don't know what people would want to see. Am I fooling myself into thinking either of these things will get me out of the situation I'm in? No, not really. Though it would be nice if they could. But it's something, maybe something I can start saving for. In terms of RP and activity on this blog overall, I'm not in the mental state to make promises. But I would like to be more active, to make more connections. My hang-ups hinder me a lot, unfortunately. I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for supporting me on this blog for half the last decade or so. And thank you to the few friends I do have, especially one who knows who they are. I'm not okay. But I'm still here. 2020 be good to everyone.

[weekendwarriorblog]

30 Minute Experiment: Free Advice #30ME

I’m guessing that this is gonna be the #30ME that gets me intro trouble, but I’ve promised myself that I wouldn’t slack off and neglect my dedication to writing 30 minutes every day about something other than movies (mostly) and this was just something that’s been on my mind lately. No, I will not be offering any free advice. If you’ve clicked on this link, your bank account has already been charged the $5 fee for reading my rambling. I’m joking...

Yeah, I’m kind of in a mood today. If we’re friends on Facebook, you already know about the mouse problem I’ve been having that seems to be getting worse as I continue to stockpile a non-existent pantry with dry food to make sure I always have something to eat just in case some of my old reliable food sources in the neighborhood close down again. Maybe I’ve mentioned in one of these about the deli that closed or the pizza places (most if not all of them), the dumpling place, the Chinese markets where I get lots of my supplies and food suff at relatively inexpensive prices. March and April really put me in a place where I needed to change how I deal with making sure I have food to eat since so many of the once reliable places around me were closed due to COVID.

I ended up ordering a lot of dry food from Amazon -- CLIF bars, ramen noodles, Pop-tarts, etc -- just so I’d always have a supply of food without having to spend an exorbitant amount of money to order take-out through Seamless/GrubHub, which can tack on around $10 or more for tax, tips, delivery charges, etc.

I’ll be the first to admit that some of my choices in food may not have been great, and I’m well aware that Pop-Tarts and ramen is not the healthiest diet, and I got a LOT of advice on what I should be eating instead. How I should be doing this or that or another thing... cooking my own meals, rather than having processed food, etc.

I’ve had a mouse problem in my apartment and building since I moved in and that’s just a part of living in my area of Chinatown where there are a lot of food trading places and restaurants including a couple right on the ground floor of the building. Many but not all of them have been closed over the last few weeks, so the mice need to find food somewhere... and here’s my apartment with boxes of dry food including mac and cheese, etc. Score!

Now mind you, I don’t have a real patnry and even my shelf space is limited so I ended up with boxes of food sitting on the floor between my very small fridge and my mostly unusable stove. The thing is that I live in a studio apartment where literally everything is in the front room so my bed is about five feet from the aforementioned stove/refrigerator.  

So when a mouse decides that my stockpile is open game for its own appetite, I’m usually the first person to know about it. Mice are very noisy creatures who do not care who hears them nibbling on any food they can get their annoying little teeth on. I’ve frequently noticed the path of their nibbling destruction after the fact when I find things they’ve left behind... oddly, they seem to like ketchup.

Anyway, I noticed a bit of their remains earlier in the week and last night when I was awake around 5 in the morning, I actually caught one mouse jumping out of a box of mac and cheese and when I peered inside, I noticed that it had gnawed a tiny hole at the bottom of one serving (these are the plastic cups I can cook in the microwave). So I ended up spending about 15 minutes rearranging everything to make it harder for the mice to get into stuff and eventually went back to sleep.

I mentioned this on my FB page and a few friends gave me some free advice on killing mice and maybe I’m just in a testy mood but I kind of felt like I had to finally say, “I’m not asking for advice” because over the past six weeks, I’ve been getting a lot of “free advice” on things even when I’m not asking for any. Believe me, when I need advice, I ask and appreciate any suggestions. 

But I feel like for some reason in this pandemic, everyone is throwing out free advice from relatives to elected officials and it’s getting to be a little much for me. Believe me, I don’t need to hear every ten minutes how to wash my hands, something that the city seems necessary to run as PSAs during every commercial break. 

I also know full well the limitations of my lifestyle and the fact that I live in a shitty apartment since that’s the only way I could afford to live in New York City. Believe me, I’d love to have a nicer apartment, job, etc. etc.  But a lot of people who are offering me free advice have no idea that maybe the way they live is not the way I’ve been forced to live.

But also, I’ve been dealing with the mice in this building for over two decades and I’ve killed HUNDREDS! If it was just a matter of getting some traps, I would have already done this but... and I’ve mentioned this before... all the places in my neighborhood where I usually would buy traps are closed... some permanently and long before the COVID outbreak.

Maybe I’m a little pissy today due to the sleep I lost from this one pesky little mouse -- I’ve gotten used to wearing earplugs at night due to other noises in my neighborhood so at least I’m not kept awake by their nibbling as I’ve been in the past. But people who know me should know that I tend to like to kvetch about things, and that doesn’t mean that I need to hear people’s opinions or advice on what I should do about things. I’m well aware of all my resources, maybe more than others are.

I know this might sound a bit ungracious since I do have so many friends and acquaintances who mean well, but I also have family always telling me how I should live my life, and there are just some days (like today) when I probably shouldn’t say anything because any responses to what I say are just gonna annoy me as much as the problem. 

So yeah, I guess today’s #30MinuteExperiment is a bit more ranty and rambling than I like to make these, but hey, if you’re already reading these, then you already know that you can probably expect any one of my ever changing moods depending on what I’m feeling when I set aside the 30 minutes to write this.  Part of this is just getting it out of my system rather than just getting snippy with friends, family or co-workers but I’m just getting so much “free advice” thrown at me from the news and talk shows and anyone who thinks they know best for others that it finally has gotten to be too much for me after almost two months of it. 

Maybe I’m getting a little antsy about what’s going to happen over the next two months as nothing seems to be getting resolved in terms of fixing the bigger problems but yeah, a situation like a mouse is kind of minor right now. It’s something I know how to deal with even if every so often (like today) I feel the need to kvetch about it or the sleep I lost wondering how much I’ll have to do to dissuade this pesky critter from getting into my food supply. Again, it’s very very minor... but things like this tend to get exacerbated by people trying to be helpful, so yeah, that’s where I’m at as of this writing. 

I have to write my prison-bound pen pal and I might as well get this out of the way since I know that a mouse would seem fairly minor compared to his own situation, but I guess I didn’t have anything else to write about today and didn’t want to shirk my credo to do 30 minutes of straight writing. Thankfully, I only have a few minutes left of this #30Me which probably should be retitled “Free AdMICE” (ha ha) since I spent most of it talking about this one mouse, who I may actually name soon if I’m stuck in this tiny apartment for two more months with it.  Believe me, having vermin getting into my food supply with everything else going on in the world isn’t great but it’s also the least of my ever-growing concerns.

Anyway, i end today’s #30ME with this last bit of free advice... if you ever get the crazy idea to write for 30 minutes straight about any given topic and you decide to keep doing it, regardless of anyone is writing what you’re writing or not... don’t do it! 

That’s my free advice. 

Hopefully I’ll have a better topic and be in a better mood tomorrow. :)