#somehow this shit is still better than teaching sixth form but not always by a whole lot honestly

[fingertipsmp3]

I’ve officially decided not only do I prefer rude customers over rude coworkers, but I also prefer them over customers who don’t know how to read the room

[chasseurdeloup-retired]

Hell’s Kitchen || Ariana, Rio, Damien, and Kaden

TIMING: Current LOCATION: Kaden’s Apartment PARTIES: @letsbenditlikebennett, @3starsquinn, @damienxsheppard, @chasseurdeloup SUMMARY: Kaden finally recruits help to make the staggering number of pies needed. Two werewolves, two hunters, and one pixie, no problems whatsoever.

“Is there more flour over there?” Kaden called out, barely looking up from the counter as he worked to make more dough. It didn’t matter who answered. Honestly he wasn’t certain that his apartment was big enough for all four of them at once, at least not actively working and baking. He knew it wasn’t big enough for the number of pies they had to make. It was hard to keep from muttering curses under his breath as he worked, mostly about two hundred pies and mostly in French. Still, he was grateful for the help at the moment, odd bunch though it might be. Two werewolves and two werewolf hunters. All in one apartment. Kaden had to keep rolling his shoulders back to ignore the chills down his spine every now and then. “Make sure the finished ones are labeled,” he called out to the living room. “Uh, please.” The timer buzzed and he nearly jumped out of his skin. “And someone grab that. I’ve got another ready here to swap out.”

Orion felt like a fish out of water. He didn’t think it was going too far out on a limb to assume that he had the least amount of experience with baking. Unless watching his sister bake growing up counted for anything. “I think I saw some flour over here.” Rio answered Kaden, dodging in and out of furniture and people to get to the counter. “Sorry, excuse me!” Rio mentioned to Damien as he slid behind him. Though the two had not met before, Rio figured that if he was a friend of Kaden and Ariana’s then he must be alright. He finally reached the bag and held it up in the air triumphantly before tucking it under his arm to take back over to Kaden. He ignored the tingling sensation nipping at his skin, a mainstay anytime he hung out with Ariana. Eventually it would stop bothering him like it always did. “What do you want me to do with it?” Rio found himself asking. This had been how he tried to make himself useful despite the minimal amount of baking experience he had. He didn’t know how to bake the pies, so he busied himself grabbing ingredients and measuring things out instead.

Damien wasn’t sure why he agreed to help. He was not typically the sort to be favorable to others, and he sure as shit didn’t know how to bake. Regardless of his usual disposition, he found himself here, ignorant of the threat the two men in the room could be to him, and annoyed to see the little werewolf walking about. “What are you doing here?” Damien grumbled lowly as he bent his form down to address Ariana. His tone lacked the sharp edge he wanted it to have, dulled now by their familiarity and a liking he wouldn’t admit to. If he was made to recognize the two hunters in the room he’d be forced to realize she was his closest ally. With a brief introduction to Rio, and an old greeting given to Kaden, Damien went to work. His hand snapped out to clasp the timer as Rio slipped past him, he should be glad the alarm of it signaled another pie was done and the lot of them were closer to their goal, but he hated the sound. Maneuvering through the maze of people, Damien arrived at the oven to free it of a recent baked good, leaving the door open for someone to place another on the racks.

“Hand it to me,” Kaden said simply, holding his hand out to take the bag of flour. With a quick sigh, he realized he could actually take a whole fucking second to explain. Rio did want to learn about baking, he’d said as much before. “I need to coat my hands again so that the dough doesn’t stick to them when I’m working with it.” Without even looking at the bag, Kaden reached in to scoop out some flour and pat it onto his hands. Only as soon as he did, something was off. It was… sticky? Definitely not flour. “Putain de merde,” he grumbled to himself, holding out his sugar covered hands. “Did you read the label on the bag, kid? I thought you liked reading.” he asked as he dodged around the two werewolves to get to the sink. “Please tell me you’re doing better over here. And can you get the next pie in the oven, Rio? Just make sure it’s not one that was already baked.”

Appreciative of Kaden trying to teach him along the way, Orion listened eagerly as Kaden explained the process and dipped his hand into the bag, only to pull out a handful of definitely not flour. Rio frowned at the bag, doing a double take to see that it did indeed claim to be sugar on the outside. Which didn’t make any sense considering he knew he had grabbed the flour. “I’m so sorry! I swe- I thought it said flour.” Rio caught himself mid sentence and rephrased, still eyeing the package as if the words were going to change back to flour. Rio pivoted quickly, still listening to Kaden while trying to right the wrong he had done. He found the bag of flour, opening it up to confirm this time before picking it up to take over to Kaden. Except this time when he lifted it, a stream of flour began pouring out of the bag from the bottom. “Oh come on!” Rio groaned, lifting it up to see a hole in the bottom. How had that happened? He plugged it with his hand and moved it next to Kaden, “There’s a hole in this, I don’t know why.” He explained clumsily before moving along to Kaden's next request, the new pies. He grabbed an unbaked one and moved towards the oven, waiting for Damien to remove a few before occupying the empty space. “Are you any good at baking or are you just as inept at this as I am?” Rio asked, smiling weakly at the man in what was probably a poor attempt at making conversation.

The commotion behind him drew Damien’s attention and he turned to watch as Kaden plunged his hand into a white bag and drew it back with his fingers covered in sugar. It seemed like an easy enough mistake to make, various ingredients in the kitchen were astray as the lot of them clamored to make more pies. One by one Damien pulled the pies from the oven, placing them on the limited counter space till only one was left perched in his hands wrapped in a cloth to prevent the heat from sinking into his fingertips. Searching the area for an available space, he found Rio struggling with the sought after bag of flour, a hole allowing for white powder to flow from the bag and dust their surroundings. He couldn’t help the small grin that developed on his face as Rio spoke to him, “you’re making me look good,” the werewolf replied as he moved through the limited space and dropped the last pie on the counter. An audible crack followed its landing as egg oozed from beneath the pan. “Fuck!” the curse was a little louder than need be, amplified by his genuine surprise, “where the hell did that egg come from? Did one of you put it there?” Damien reached for some paper towel to address the mess, “who the hell just leaves eggs lying around like that.”

The last person Ariana expected to see at Kaden’s apartment to help with baking pies of all things was Damien. Did Damien know Kaden was a hunter? Did Kaden know Damien was a werewolf? He had his whole werewolf sixth sense thing so he had to know, right? Maybe Ariana wasn’t his only exception which she was somehow both grateful for and a little jealous of, but she definitely preferred Kaden not trying to kill the grumpy werewolf she adopted so she’d take it. She couldn’t help the eye roll when Damien asked why she was here. “Helping make pies, obviously,” she answered jokingly as she continued rolling out some pie crust she had been working on. As fun as embarrassing Kaden could be, she wasn’t too keen to go into their fairly complicated backstory. Instead, she cackled as Kaden got his hands all sticky with sugar. It seemed like what followed was just a series of unfortunate events as Rio dropped flour everywhere and Damien broke a random egg. Ariana couldn’t help but laugh at Damien’s curses. “Y’all good? Do we need to like… reorganize the space,” she asked before her rolling pin went over an egg that definitely wasn’t there when she started rolling. “Hey,” she exclaimed with a hint of frustration in her voice, “Just because you’re making a mess of the eggs doesn’t mean you had to put one in my way,” she grumbled at Damien.

The kitchen was filled with cursing, which was nothing new, but it left Kaden wondering if the was a good idea after all. Maybe he should have just continued to struggle on his own to chip away at the growing list of orders. “My hands are wet, I can’t--” He didn’t get to finish his sentence before having to try and clumsily grab the leaking bag, alternating wiping his hands dry on his jeans. It only worked a little. The cracking behind him made him wince. “The hell is going on in here?” he muttered, mostly to himself, setting the bag aside for now. He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back out of the way before remembering that his were both still a little wet and sprinkled with patches of flour. “Rearrange. Yeah, let’s do that. We can, uh… We can move things…” He looked around for any opening. “Somewhere. I don’t know, we can move the extra ingredients out onto the table over there, the one with the--” His brows furrowed as he went to point towards the dining room table. The one currently covered in mushrooms. Putain. Of course the fucking pixie was at it. Something he knew he could explain to Rio and Ari. How much did Damien even know? And what kind of shit would that lead to? Kaden sighed. For now, ignore it. “The mushrooms. Just move those. Ignore them. Whatever.”

“When was the last time you had your eyes checked,” Damien countered Ariana as she reeled to recover the damage the egg had done to her rolling pin, “I’ve been too busy to plant eggs around here for you.” He snagged another paper towel and cleaned the surface the pie was resting on, discarding the material into the nearest trash bin. He had hardly been paying attention to what the hunters were doing, only turning around when Kaden began to formulate a new plan for their operation. Eyes scanned the cluttered workspace for available room for the pies, locking on the table the same time Kaden noticed the abundance of mushrooms. Where the hell had those come from? He didn’t remember seeing them when he walked in, and if he had he would have turned tail and left thinking this was some kind of joke. Damien had been fortunate enough that since moving to White Crest his interactions with the supernatural were limited, or subtle. They didn’t exactly step out and admit they were vampires or fae. Only recently had he encountered another of his kind that resulted in any damage. He had no idea what could have produced so many mushrooms. “Are you joking?” he turned to the others, clearly confused, “are we using those? We’re not using those, right? That would be disgusting. I might not have the cooking skills of a Frenchman but even I can’t stomach the idea of mushroom pie.”

Did baking usually involve this much mess? Orion knew people always said that a few eggs had to be cracked, but he had never considered that the phrase was meant literally. “Mushrooms?” Rio asked, perplexed by Damien’s statement until he had turned and spotted them for himself. That was certainly odd, and if Rio had to take a wild guess, probably involved some sort of fae. But why here of all places? “Is this a normal occurrence while you’re baking?” Though the thought was perplexing, he thought it would be mildly humorous if the hunter’s secret to baking was some sort of fae ingredient. Rio was checking on the pies he had put in the oven when he heard music start playing from seemingly nowhere. Recognized the song too, Abba. He had always loved the group until he realized the Silver Bullet played it so much. “Where is that music coming from?”

Not quite willing to admit Damien was probably right, Ariana opted to stick her tongue out at him before cleaning up the mess in front of her. “Whatever,” she muttered before following Kaden out to the table. Her brows furrowed in confusion at the sight of all the mushrooms. Sure, he was dating a banshee, but Regan didn’t exactly seem the type to enjoy getting hopped up on fairy mushrooms. Plus, she was pretty sure those weren’t there when she arrived. “Ignoring the mushrooms. Sounds like a great idea,” she said with a not so subtle hint of sarcasm in her tone though she eventually found herself laughing at Damien’s questions. She’d explain later, but for now, she joked, “Obviously someone requested a mushroom pot pie.” Only seconds before Rio mentioned it, she could faintly hear the sound of that one Gimme Gimme Gimme song that Celeste had always liked. It caused her mouth to twist into a slight frown. “Yeah, Kaden, what’s with the old people music?” She shook her head, “No wonder you and Celeste were friends. Same boomer music taste.”

“Not normal, no,” Kaden called out with a sigh not far behind. He wiped off his hands once more on his jeans before turning to the fridge, swinging the door open, and reaching in for two bottles. “Here,” he said, handing one of the bottles of beer to Damien. “I think we’re going to need this.” He cracked open the cap and took a swig before looking at the state of the table. Rumpleskuffs, had to be. Showing off for all the new guests. Kaden debated disappearing into the other room to make a deal with the pixie just long enough to get this all over with when he, too, heard a familiar sound. His eyes darted to the teenager, wide and shocked before narrowing in on her. “Cut it out, Ari. Is this another one of your tocking tick pranks? Putain, this isn’t--” Only it was clear she wasn’t responsible for the music, either. “Hey. I’m not that old. I don’t even like ABBA. That much. Anyway.” The timer went off again. His brow furrowed and he looked back to the oven. There was no way that was right. The pies just went in. “One second,” he said as he went to check on the pies. Not done. He turned off the timer and reset it, hoping that he wasn’t going to have to reset it again in a minute or two. Something told him that might be the case.

“You don’t like ABBA?” Orion questioned the hunter, perplexed by the bold statement. When it played at the Silver Bullet was just about the only time that people in that place didn’t seem all that bad. For a moment, they stopped being all grumbly and macho. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on Rio’s part. “It’s tiktok, Kaden.” He sighed, almost amused by how terribly he had butchered the app name, “And I don’t think this song is one of the popular sounds.” Not this ABBA song at least. A timer suddenly going off made Rio jump, hopping away from the oven and raising his heart rate on instinct. There was no way those were done already. Rio folded his arms and cast a worried glance over towards Damien. If he wasn’t here, Rio would be asking about what was actually going on. Since Kaden and Ariana weren’t bringing it up, he assumed that meant he must not be in the know. Or at the very least, not in the know about  fae and the mischief they can allegedly cause. “I didn’t know volunteering to help you bake pies was going to be so... eventful.”

Damien gratefully accepted the beer Kaden offered him, with the music playing in the background and mushrooms piled up onto the table things were starting to feel part of a show. A cooking segment you accidentally landed on while clicking through shows and paused on because of the quirky nature of it all. He took a drink of his beer and shrugged off the remarks between the two discussing the name of an app and their taste in music. Damien snagged an empty bowl meant for cooking and started to collect the mushrooms, “mushroom pot pie my ass,” he replied, though he was sure by Ariana’s tone that she hadn’t been serious at all. “And don’t lie Kaden, everyone likes ABBA, or at least one of their songs.” Damien took the mushrooms he collected into review, looking over the strangeness of their appearance as if the answer was written just out of sight. “What do you even want me to do with these?”

“What? No. Even if this was a good prank, this whole mess is longer than one minute,” Ariana said with a matter of fact tone to her voice as if Kaden was supposed to know that TikTok videos couldn’t be longer than a minute. She grabbed some more finished pies to set on the table and clear their workspace and shook her head at Damien’s mushroom pot pie questioning. Later, she’d explain the significance of mushrooms though she was dying to know now just why they were here. Still, curiosity took over as she picked up one of the mushrooms and eyed the almost fake looking spots that danced across it’s cap. “Is Regan on a mushroom kick or something,” she blurted out before adding the mushroom to the bowl Damien was collecting them in. Regan didn’t seem the type to intentionally partake in fae things, but it would explain the pimping out pies thing.

How was it that everyone in that damn room knew his secret? How the hell did they find out? Kaden’s eyes shot to Ari. Did she tell Rio? She could have. But how did Damien know, too? “Alright, fine,” he admitted with a grumble into his beer. “I don’t hate ABBA but I don’t love them or anything like that.” His brow furrowed again as Damien brushed the mushrooms off the table. Interesting. Normally they were just visual illusions. Then again, Rumpleskuffs had been very bored lately. Maybe he save some spores just for this sort of occasion. “You can, uh, just put them in the trash. Or something.” Shit, would that anger the tiny fae? Probably. “Or, uh, just set them to the side. Somewhere. Doesn’t matter, figure it out.” The timer went off again and Kaden thought he might scream. At the very least he was going to take this fucking timer and chuck it out the window. Instead, he simply turned it off again, reset it again, and placed it down on the counter as gently as he could manage. It still was a bit of a slam. “Huh?” he called back to Ari, his chest tightening at the thought. He knew Ari knew what Regan was. And Rio. But would that give her away to Damien? Couldn’t they just all pretend to be completely fucking normal humans for an hour or two? Wouldn’t that be nice? “No, definitely not hers. Regan hates mushrooms. I think. Nah, this is just, uh, wel…” Shit, should have gone with her explanation. “Maybe just another experiment of hers or something. Like that.”

Damien discarded the bowl of mushrooms on the couch sofa, it seemed unlikely they’d need that space for anything else with the pies quickly taking over the apartment. He had never asked how Kaden managed to rack up such an order and it seemed a little late now to question it. The timer began to chime again, signifying one more item baked towards their goal, but the sound of it landing on the counter a little too harshly caused Damien to turn his head. Was this about Regan? He didn’t see how mushrooms could be tied back to her but the stress of this, it seemed like the roots really dug into something more daunting than a bake off. “I don’t get the impression Regan is much of a trickster. Though maybe she’d have an interest in mushrooms if they were sprouting from something recently departed. Or were related to the death of something,” at least, that was more of the impression Damien had of her, knowledgeable about all things deceased. He strode over to Kaden, placing a hand on his shoulder, “maybe you should take a break man,” he gave a light push over towards the couch, “I think he can manage for a little bit.” It was then that Damien turned his head, or rather, looked down to find Ari, “come on girl scout, time to earn a badge for baking mastery.”

Mushrooms were a fae thing, Orion knew that much. Though he didn’t think it was really a Banshee thing. Definitely not a Regan thing. Not unless this whole health kick where Regan assumed that Rio was one missed protein or strong breeze would be his breaking point had been nothing more than a practical joke all along. If that were the case, Rio would actually have to be a bit impressed. And maybe a bit disappointed. “Saprophytes” Rio suggested casually as the discussion turned towards mushrooms growing on dead things, “It’s a type of fungus that grows on dead things.” Not that those mushrooms were the kind that grew on dead things. At least he didn’t think so. Damien was trying to get Kaden to take a break, which was probably the right idea. Even if the idea of losing his lifeline to this whole baking thing was a bit terrifying. “Who is in charge then? Because I don’t know what I’m doing. Guidance requested please.”

Considering Damien seemed to shrug off any warnings she gave him about other supernatural crap that happened in town, Ariana doubted that he’d put together two and two when it came to fae and mushrooms. Kaden seemed pretty certain Regan hated mushrooms and given how serious Regan was, she doubted she was really into pranks. Still, if she happened upon some mushrooms, that could have changed her outlook a bit. At least from what Ariana understood about fae and mushrooms which admittedly wasn’t much for someone who had a warden girlfriend. She looked Damien and Kaden both with an amused grin on her face and wondered why they weren’t just throwing the mushrooms out. “Couch, seems good enough until the kitchen is freed up,” she said with a shrug before she added, “And I’m a little old to be a girl scout, but I’ve gotten pretty good at baking. So don’t worry, you two be grumpy old men together and Rio and I can take over in the kitchen for a bit.” Before she even finished her sentence, she could practically hear Kaden grumbling about how he wasn’t grumpy or saying some French swear word. While he hadn’t responded, it still left her smiling. She linked her arm up with Rio’s and assured, “No worries, Rio. I’ve been baking with your sister long enough that I’m practically an expert at this point.” Somehow, the timer was going off again and she swore it had only been a few minutes. Someone was definitely joking around here. If this was a cartoon, she was sure steam would be coming out of Kaden’s ears and that was enough to have her laughing amongst the chaos again. She dragged Rio into the kitchen, turned the timer off, and whispered, “Okay, what the hell is going on here? Who is not me and pranking Kaden?” Mime stripper reviews crossed her mind and her eyes lit up. She poked her head out of the kitchen and asked, “Hey, Kaden? Has Nell been here recently?” Though mushrooms still didn’t seem like Nell’s style even if she had joked about enchanting vegetables after the potato incident.

Damien was going to elect Ariana as the leader of this little group, she seemed to be the thread that connected most of them, but he also did not want to give Ari the satisfaction of his vote. So, he took to his role in accompanying Kaden to the couch as the second half of the grumpy man team, throwing an arm around Kaden’s shoulder as he indulged in his beer. “I’ll be happy to fit the grumpy man trope if it lets me finish my drink,” he murmured to Kaden, maneuvering towards the couch. Damien let his body all but crashing into the cushion, sinking in without protest. The time spouted off again causing him to briefly turn his head to see how the others were managing the kitchen before returning his focus on the drink. He knew he shouldn’t ask what came next, that he shouldn’t want to know, but some part of him had grown to care for these people and Damien struggled to ignore that. “How are things going with Regan, with her classes I mean?” he asked Kaden, “is she taking breaks in-between to work on the pie business?”

“Guess Ari is your guidance,” Kaden said back to Rio. “Just shout if you all need help. And I’m not that old, alright,” he grumbled as he took a seat on the couch. Putain, he couldn’t remember the last time he sat down today, if he was being honest. Maybe the teenage werewolf was right and he did need the break. The timer went off again and he pinched his nose between his fingers, hoping the pressure would relieve some of the tension in his head. It wasn’t working so he took a swig of his drink instead. It didn’t make the headache go away but it was good beer and it was better than the goddamn mushrooms. “It’s not Nell. Or Blanche. Or Grace.” Not that it was even possible to be some of them but he knew the cause of this was a small fae who had taken up residence in his apartment. Another swig was definitely necessary. “How do you know Nell, anyway?” Then again, it wasn’t hard to run into at least one Vural in town. Well, now that there were three again. Kaden sighed and was about to take another drink but Damien’s comment made him stop and furrow his brows. “Huh?” he asked as he looked over to Damien. Classes? What cl-- Oh. Oh. That’s right. When he’d explained the banshee lessons. Putain. “Uh, yeah it’s going alright. She’s made progress I think. Almost done. But yeah, the pies have been a good break for her. As much of a fucking mess this is, it’s been nice to have.”

Somehow, the two youngest ended up in charge of the pies. Luckily for Orion, Ari knew what she was doing. Unluckily for him, she knew what she was doing because of his sister. She wasn’t exactly an ideal conversation topic. Ironically, she was probably the most conflicting part of his own friendship with Ari at this point. He trusted her to keep Ari safe, but not much beyond that. “Just tell me what to do. I’ll be the obedient sous chef.” Rio laughed. When she whispered to him he shrugged but glanced toward the two. He didn’t know Damien, but he didn’t really seem the type. Kaden hadn’t been wrong to suspect Ari first, admittedly. “No idea. But all seems very… fae-y. Just pretend that’s a word.” The kitchen was a mess and he couldn’t tell what parts of that were their doing and what part was whatever was continuing to mess things up. While he waited on instructions, Rio worked to try to tidy up. “We have a very intricate young person friend group, Kaden.” Rio answered his question. Of course they knew Nell. Probably because of Winston. At least in Rio’s case, they had been the common string that introduced most of the friends Rio had now. “We’re all very tight knit.” Trauma and near death experiences had a habit of encouraging bonding experiences.

Seeing as Kaden wasn’t dropping any hint of who the hell was playing mushroom pranks on him, Ariana figured it was probably time to drop it. She could always bug him about it later. It seemed like she could have a true partner in crime with pranking Kaden. The part of her that enjoyed the clout on TikTok was delighted. The part of her that still struggled to wrap her head around fae things after everything with Lydia and then Deirdre, decided maybe this prankster wasn’t up her alley. Mushrooms brought a rightful sense of unease. “Your sous-chef duty for now is gonna be turning the timer off since it seems to like going off every 2 minutes and we all have too good of hearing for that shit,” she said to Rio who could probably already sense she wasn’t the only werewolf in the room. She got to rolling out some more dough for the crust and called out, “What he said.” It was easier than explaining they chatted online a few times before Nell and Bea helped make charmed jewelry to help protect her and Celeste. So much help that did, not that it was their fault. With a few more crusts cut out, she got another batch of pies ready to move into the oven. As crazy as the afternoon was, Ari found there was some sort of content feeling that came with being surrounded by people she loved.

[libsterslobsters]

Sick Again

Summary: It's the worst time of month for the reader, and on top of the difficulty of dealing with her period, she's having an awful, no good, very bad day all around. Lucky for her, Bucky just wants to help.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x fem! enhanced! Reader

(Reader can see shards of the future and understand every language)

Warnings: mild angst, mentions of blood and menstruation, language, fluff

Author's note: This is the softest shit I've ever written for this site! In real life, I'm lucky enough to have someone who goes out of their way to make my day better when I'm dealing with my period, so I thought the reader deserved that too. As always, I've left the reader unnamed so this can be read as a self-insert, but I've written so much about this character that, in my head, her name is Violet.

*************************************************

 She knows it’s going to be a rough one from the moment she wakes up. She’s slept through her alarm somehow (either that, or she forgot to set it), and she’s not entirely sure if her phone dinging with  a good morning text that’s brought her out of unconsciousness, or the dull ache in her lower stomach. Cramps. Great. As she stands, she realizes that it’s already started, the bed has a noticable red splotch and her thighs are wet. Her period has arrived. Hey, at least she’s not pregnant. That would be some relief if she were actually having sex.

 While waiting for the shower to heat up (after stripping the bed of course; she’ll have to do something about those sheets to make sure they don’t stain), she reads over her text. “Good morning, sweetheart.” That’s a new one. He must be exploring different pet names. So far, she feels awkward using anything other than his given name. Still, she smiles and types back a “Good morning. How are you always so damn chipper?” before stepping into the shower.

 There’s not a lot of options for breakfast, and every single one of them turns her stomach as she imagines consuming them. With a sigh, she shoves some spare change in her pocket and vows to buy herself a cup of coffee on the way to the college. It’ll give her the jitters, but she’s so tired this morning that it’s a risk she’s willing to take.

 Unfortunately, by the time she arrives at work, her head is pounding and the cramps have gone from unpleasant to downright painful. Her plan for this morning’s class was to read the children’s classic, “Green Eggs and Ham��, have a discussion about rhyming words, and then have her students work on simple poems of their own, but she’s feeling so bad that she decides to make it a movie day and have them translate a scene of their choosing from a Romanian cartoon into English.

 Usually she enjoys her work. The students always ask great questions, and the thing she likes most about teaching adults is they’re here because they want to learn. Today, however? It feels like every minute lasts five times as long as it should, and by lunch time, she’s wilting. When her phone rings, she almost sends it to voicemail, but then he’d worry about her, and besides, the highlight of her whole shitty day so far has been that good morning text.

 “Hey, Bucky.” As she says it, a wave of nausea hits her, and she has to take a deep breath before continuing. “What’s new on the other side of the city?”

 She really should be paying attention, but she feels bad enough that most of what he says goes in one ear and out the other. She’s so muddled in fact that she doesn’t realize he’s asked her something until the line goes silent for a few seconds too long.

 “I’m sorry. Say again?”

 “Doll, are you okay? You sound a little…” he hesitates. “...not like yourself.”

 She’s prepared to tell him she’s fine, right as rain, but one thing they both absolutely agree on is honesty between them, since they have to tell so many lies to the outside world on a day-to-day basis.

 “I’m not feeling that well today, but I’ll be okay.”

 “What’s going on? Are you coming down with something, do you think?” Yeah, her period, but if what she’s read about the nineteen forties is anything to judge from, he’s probably not used to hearing about that particular bodily function.

 “No. It happens every so often. I’ll be good as new in a few days.” But right now, she sure as shit wishes she’d remembered to grab a few aspirin.

 “If you say so. Do you want me to swing by after you get home from work and bring you anything?” That would be really, really great, but considering she still has blood-stained sheets soaking in her bathtub…

 “No, that’s alright. Thanks anyway.”

 “Okay, if you’re sure.”

 It’s a mercy she only has two afternoon classes, neither of which are very intense, so by two o’clock, she’s on the bus home. All she wants to do is curl up into a ball on one of the seats in hopes it’ll alleviate some of the pain in her abdomen, but then an older gentleman with a cane boards the bus and there aren’t any other seats available, so she waves him over and gives him her seat. It’s only another ten minutes, after all. Finally, the bus stops a few blocks from her apartment so, slinging her over-filled backpack onto her shoulder, she sets off on the trudge home.

 She’s just set foot into the building when a woman she recognizes as her neighbor from a few doors down comes her way. “The heat is out and the super is off who knows where.” Great. She thought it felt a little chilly in here, and now that she’s paying attention, her breath is forming ice crystals in the air. She thanks her neighbor for the warning and, collecting her mail, heads towards the elevator.

 Because her luck is shitty, she has a vision of pressing the buttons and waiting, only for nothing to happen. Looks like the elevator is out too. The stairs then. No big deal. She only lives on the sixth floor. It could be worse. Of course, on her way up, her backpack strap breaks, so she has to shift to carrying it in her arms. Today is just not her day, and she needs to accept it.

 That truth becomes even more apparent as she reaches her door (at last!) and realizes that her key is nowhere to be found. She must’ve dropped it in the stairwell when her backpack gave out. She’ll have to go searching for it later, but for now, she digs around in her purse and, producing the right implements, proceeds to pick her own lock and let herself inside.

 It shouldn’t be possible, but her apartment is actually colder than the hallway was. Feeling utterly defeated, she drops her backpack onto the couch with a thump and, not bothering to peel off her coat, climbs into bed. Maybe she can get a power nap and it’ll give her enough energy to get through the papers she needs to grade before tomorrow.

___________________________________________________________________________________

 The first sign of trouble appears when he texts her ten minutes after the usual time she arrives home, and there’s no reply. From what he’s read, lots of people take a while to return texts or phone calls, but not her. No, she’s always prompt. Thirty seconds or less. Then, he tries to call, ask her if she’s  feeling any better and if she’s sure she doesn’t want him to bring her anything. After eight rings, he gets her voicemail. He’s not great at leaving messages, so he just goes with the basics. Hey, it’s Bucky. Just checking on you. Call me back when you’re up to it. Another hour passes, and nothing.

 He can’t just sit around his apartment worrying, so he decides to do what he was planning on earlier when he sent the first text: ignore that she’s told him she doesn’t need anything and go to pick up some supplies, then drop them by her front door. No need to go inside if she’d rather not have company. They don’t even have to see each other. He wonders briefly as he’s going through the grocery store, adding cans of soup to his cart, if this is crossing a boundary. Should he just leave her be, since she said she didn’t need anything? Is this pushing too far? He doesn’t know, but he can’t stop imagining her all alone with no one to take care of her. Sure, she can look after herself, but she doesn’t have to. No, a few cans of soup and some tea won’t go amiss. That’s all he’ll do unless she asks for his help.

 The bus ride is a little awkward, considering the two huge paper bags he’s carrying with him, but that’s the least of his worries as he sends her another text that he’s dropping a few things by her door, but not to worry about making conversation if she’s not up to it, he won’t come in. No reply, again. A huge part of him wants to get off at the next stop and just run the rest of the way (it’d probably be faster), but that seems like a good way to attract attention, so he forces himself to stay in his seat, waiting for the right street.

 The lobby is freezing when he steps inside. There’s a thermometer hanging by the elevator. It’s in celcius, but he rapidly translate the temperature. Roughly thirty-eight degrees fahrenheit. In other words, cold as fuck. As he’s waiting for the elevator to return to the ground floor, a man passes by him and mutters, “You’re going to be waiting a long time, son. It’s out of order.” Of course it is. This isn’t the worst apartment building in the city, but it’s not too far off. The stairs, then.

 He’s halfway up the six flights to her floor when he sees something on the ground, something he immediately recognizes because of the butterfly key chain attached. Her keys. Now he’s not just worried; he’s outright scared. Grabbing up the keys, he hurriedly climbs the last three flights  and, no longer concerned about looking suspicious, knocks hard on her door. Nothing. Fuck. What should he do? The obvious answer is to use the damn keys (he has a spare set, but he’s never let himself in without her express permission before) and go inside. So, that’s what he does, hoping against hope that there’s a logical explanation for all this. One besides something being very, very wrong.

 It feels like someone left the air conditioning on full blast inside the apartment. At first he thinks a window must be open, but as he walks from kitchen to living room (all four paces of it), he sees nothing out of the ordinary. Well, except her backpack. The strap has given out, and it’s been thrown haphazardly on the couch. So at least she made it home.

 He calls her name quietly, then a little louder before making his way towards her bedroom, not wanting to startle her. The bathroom door is ajar, and without meaning to, he glances inside. Immediately, he freezes. There’s a set of bed sheets in the tub, and… is that blood? Shit! How could he be this stupid? He should’ve rushed over the second he realized she’d taken too long to return a text. Now who knows what’s happened?

 The bedroom door is closed, so he can’t see inside. A cold sweat has broken out on the back of his neck as, slowly, he turns the doorknob. He’s got one hand on his pocket with the knife concealed inside as he eases the door open, but there’s no need. She’s all alone in there, curled into a ball on her stripped bed, still in her coat and hat. Thanks to his better than average sight, even from a distance, he can tell that she’s breathing, body shifting slightly with each inhale and exhale, and in return, he lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

 He approaches the bed as quietly as he can so as not to disturb her. She’s really out then, if she hasn’t woken up from the mattress dipping as he sits down next to her. He doesn’t touch her, just holds the palm of his good hand a few millimeters away from her forehead. No fever from what he can tell. He feels a little foolish now, because it appears that she’s perfectly fine. More than likely was asleep and didn’t hear the text alert. Still, for his own peace of mind, he needs to hear as much from her.

 “Doll, can you wake up for me?” As he says it, he pushes back a few stray hairs that have stuck to her forehead in sleep. Her eyelids flutter once, twice, before opening all the way.

 “Bucky? What-” She starts to sit up, then groans.

 “What’s wrong?”

 “Nothing.” She shakes her head, a pained smile in place. “At least, nothing major.” He’s not sure he buys that, but before he can give it anymore consideration- “What are you doing here?”

 There’s no good way to put it, so he goes with the truth.

 “When you didn’t answer your phone, I got worried. I was gonna come by and drop some things off at the door, but when I found your keys in the stairwell-”

 “Oh.” She chuckles softly. “So that’s where they went. I had to pick the lock on my own front door. Must’ve dropped them when the strap broke on my backpack.” That answers that. Not a fight. Not her running to get away and, in her haste, losing her keys. Just an ordinary mishap.

 “Sorry.” Without thinking, he scratches at his neck. “Guess I got a little carried away.”

 “No, don’t be sorry.” She shakes her head and, offering him a small smile, takes his hand. “It’s sweet of you to worry. Although I didn’t mean for you to.” Worrying about her seems to be a permanent part of his life, and frankly, it’s one he wouldn’t get rid of even if he could. That reminds him…

 “Why were there blood-soaked sheets in your tub?” Her cheeks heat up, and he immediately hates himself. “Sorry. The door was open and I saw-”

 “It’s okay.” She looks down, studying her lap. “This is embarrassing to talk about, but I started my period last night in my sleep.” Oh. “That’s why I wasn’t feeling so hot today, and before I went to work, I put the sheets in the tub to soak.” That makes sense. If he felt stupid before, now he feels like an absolute moron.

 “Don’t be embarrassed.” It wasn’t exactly something that was commonly talked about when he was growing up, but he’s an adult. He knows how this works. “I shouldn’t have pried.”

 “We’re together now, right?” Frowning in confusion, he nods. “Pry away. I’ll tell you to fuck off if you push too far. After all, I think you know my biggest secret.” He chuckles and leans forward, planting a kiss on her forehead.

 “I think that’s mutual.”  Now that he knows she’s okay, it’s time to get to work. “Is it okay if I go ahead and unpack what I brought? Just a few cans of soup and the like?”

 “You didn’t have to-”

 “Sure I did.” He cuts her off. “That’s my job. Take care of my best girl.” The blush is back, but this time, he doesn’t feel bad for provoking it.

 “I can help you put those away-” As she speaks, she sits up and starts to climb out of bed.

 “Or you can stay there and rest. Let me handle it.” She still doesn’t look convinced. “Then maybe we can just sit together and relax, watch a movie while you get a head start on those papers? What do you say?”

 She sighs. “Are you sure? I’m not going to be much company, and this time of month can get kinda graphic.”

 As if that’s even a question. “I’m sure.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

 It hasn’t been an evening for the record books. The most exciting thing that’s happened is that she’s taken a hot shower with him still in her apartment (scandalous! He was a mere two rooms away, so he could’ve seen everything). Still it’s been nice. The canned soup tasted as you would expect canned soup to taste. They made brief small talk about each other’s days before starting up a movie on her laptop (Frozen, because it seems appropriate, given the temperature, plus if she has to deal with ‘Let it Go’ living in her mind rent-free for the rest of her life, then dammit, so does he), and settled in on her bed to watch. The last paper was graded a full hour ago, and currently, she’s resting with her head on his chest, both of them bundled in every blanket she owns.

 The cramps are still bad, but his good arm is slung over her lower stomach, and the warm is helping somewhat. That, and with a few painkillers in her system, she’s feeling much better than earlier in the day. Better, and sleepy.

 She tries to stay awake (she wants to be completely alert for every second that he’s with her), but between the warmth from their bodies pressed together under the covers, the pleasant background noise from the movie, the contentment of a full stomach, and the heaviness of exhaustion, before she realizes it, she’s asleep.

 It’s only when she feels a feather-light touch to her cheek that she opens her eyes and becomes aware that she’s been dosing. His face is mere inches from her, hand caressing her face.

 “Doll, you seem pretty tired. I think we should call it a night and let you get some rest.”

 She knows better, but she’s just sleepy enough that her inhibitions lower, and she murmurs,

 “Stay with me.”

 Behind lowered lashes, she sees his face break into a small smile.

 “Sure, sweetheart. I’ll stay if you want me to.”

 It’s forward. They’ve never spent the night together (or, come to think of it, even been in her bed) before in any sense of the word, but as she drifts off once more, she can’t help but think that this just feels right.

[g0dspeeed]

Unconditional Positive Regard, 5

I’m thinking of not posting fic updates anymore on here, but I will be updating this Smasher/OC fic on ao3!

=========================================

Assessment

A faint whisper.

Soft.

Barely there.

The only noise in the Arasaka gym facility was its overhead air vent, but Adam felt absolutely annoyed by it all the same.

Silent and brooding, the mercenary stood in the middle of the gym mats with arms crossed and his red eyes staring heavily on the entrance. No doubt he was ready to lay into her, practically frothing for Lumen to feel how intensely pissed off he was at her lateness, at how she kept him waiting around like a fool.

Even before his days in the military, Adam was punctual. Or incredibly early. Had to be. As a hardened resident of NYC’s underworld, he could never predict what mob boss would lose his absolute shit over Adam’s ass being late, job fulfilled or not. Such a life seldom provided a second chance, and after watching many a comrade receive their due punishment for inconveniencing some trigger-hungry gang leader, Adam knew better than to press his luck. Though tucked back several decades into his past, the lessons learned in the streets of New York prepared him well in all their cruelty.

Other Arasaka staff wandered near the mats, completely oblivious to Adam until their eyes locked. Without a word, the staff members scurried out of sight.

A growl hummed past his lips. He checked the digital clock above the room for the sixth time in the last ten minutes. His jaw tightened.

Damn her.

Damn that fucking bitch and her bullshit contract.

Just as Adam was about to rip into her via holo, the rushed sounds of pattering feet echoed into the space. Lumen at last made her appearance, jogging through the entrance dressed in a grey tank top, black leggings, and tennis shoes. If anything, she looked prepared for Adam’s physical assessment.

Though her focus, Adam quickly observed, was clearly elsewhere.

As if not even noticing him, Lumen had tossed a small gym bag at the edge of the mats and quickly made work of her dark hair, her fingers running themselves frantically through its tangles in a vain effort to tie them back. Stray hairs stuck to the sticky sheen on her forehead as she struggled to compose herself.

Adam caught Lumen peeking over her shoulder near the entrance, gold eyes wide with anticipation.

Alit brilliant red, his own eyes shined as Adam conducted a quick scan of her vitals. Just as expected, the results read all racing pulse and rising body heat.

He frowned.

The woman was scared.

That force of rage soothed into a dull static. Still pissed? Absolutely, but his curiosity for her anxious state outweighed the anger, especially since the woman at this point seemed unable to experience anything resembling fear. She had stood brave in the face of his wrath before, multiple times even. Not budging, not wavering despite his powerful presence, despite the tight grip he had on her arm in the office.

If not terrified of him, Adam Smasher, what the hell could cause her to be so flustered?

Adam waited as she at last noticed him watching her, a faint smile tugging at her lips.

“I’m late,” Lumen stated sheepishly. “I know that.”

Eyes narrowing, Adam didn’t grace her with a response.

A sigh.

“It won’t happen again,” she continued. “I promise.”

He wholly expected a flood of excuses, but Lumen offered not a single one. Instead, she casually approached him, giving one final look over her shoulder towards the opening of the gym.

“Expecting someone?” he questioned.

She turned away.

“Hm?”

At that, Adam snapped.

“You’re not a stupid bitch so stop fucking acting like one!”

Lumen flinched at the sudden harshness in his voice, at how he somehow managed to make himself larger as he loomed over her frozen form.

However, much to Adam’s annoyance, she then squared her shoulders. In a showing of grace, Lumen chose to maintain her ignorance.

“It’s nothing,” she quipped. “Let’s just get started, yeah?”

A tense pause filled the air while the pair refused to break eye contact with one another, too stubborn and too prideful to back down first.

Adam rolled his eyes. So be it. He didn’t really give a fuck anyway. Temper steaming, he conceded, allowing the moment to pass so they could finally start his assessment.

“Stretch,” he ordered. “Then I’ll give you some exercises-”

“What kind?”

“Physical ones,” he replied sharply. “Just do what I fucking tell you. You’ve already wasted enough of my time tonight.”

It was then did she truly regard him. Amusement soon touched her features as she scrutinized his attire. Gone was his large Arasaka jacket, replaced with a gray tank of his own that clung to his large frame. More of his implants could be seen under the bright lights of the gym, and without the jacket’s neck guard Lumen was able to appraise the thick, black cables that snaked down his neck and shoulders, as well as the sharp jawline from the implant on his chin. He still wore his black cargo pants and military-grade boots, but seeing more of his broad shoulders and some RealSkin was a nice change for the good doctor. In a strange way the look humanized him.

“Gawk at me all you want,” stated Adam. “But don’t start anything you can’t finish, sweetheart.”

Her lips twisted into a scowl, but Lumen began stretching as he had told her to. Adam felt pleased at her obedience, eyes lingering on her body as she bent over to tap the mats. Her toned physique curved deliciously at her hips, ass, and breasts, and he blatantly allowed himself an eye full.

Denial served him no good. Adam knew that he was physically attracted to the woman. Knew since they first met in the lobby, her beauty and confidence stalling him in his tracks. Always more drawn to the feminine figure, Lumen’s body lacked any qualities that suggested any weakness. Her legs were lined with muscle, arms, too, showing evidence of some athleticism.

How unfortunate that she was the client, he thought. Might’ve be fun to-

“You good?”

Gold eyes pierced him like knives as her hands gripped her shins.

Adam smirked. No guilt filled him. No shame forced his eyes to avert. Instead, he held her stare in a welcomed challenge.

“Never better,” he responded.

Lumen scoffed.

“To start,” continued Adam. “I need to know what implants you’re outfitted with.”

The annoyance on her face melted away into a blank stare.

“Just my eyes,” she answered. “Kiroshis-”

“I’m not stupid. No one has eyes like yours.”

That last comment spilled out of him before he could stop it. Another pause followed. Adam pushed through the awkwardness, ignoring her quirked brow.

“What other cyberware?”

Her shoulders rose.

“That’s it. I don’t have-”

“There’s no use lying to me-”

“I know. I’m telling the truth. I don’t have anything else.”

His teeth grit.

Of course.

Of course that’s all she had.

His latest security job is an organic meatbag with a savior complex, and his future career with one of the leading corporations in Night City is hinging on her survival.

Lumen frowned as if sensing his disapproval, but he asked nothing more. Instead, Adam led her to an indoor track in the facility and commanded she run a mile. The woman did as she was asked, again stirring a sense of pleasure in the mercenary as he openly lusted at her body while she bounded away.

Meatbag or not, Adam planned to push her. To break her in. To see what she looked like when she crumbled, when her body gave out. To see how she handled pain. Eyes lingered on her ass as she lapped him, his mind forcibly ignoring how his body twitched.

The evening drawled on in a slower pace than what Adam preferred. True, Lumen did all that he asked when it came to assessing her physical prowess. She ran, lifted, pushed, pulled, twisted, and carried whatever weight, time, or distance that Adam commanded. She scored high in each test, even as patches of sweat darkened her top. Her stats mildly impressed him though he would never admit that. It was a small relief that he wouldn’t have to drag her ass through the field as he might the lazy corpos from past security details, their bodies clammy and panting from mild exercise. Though her body was strong, her understanding about defense tactics was certainly not. That’s what made time drag on, the hours stretching with each new technique and modeling of skill. Each drill was met with more questions and coupled with Lumen’s furrowed brow as she tried to learn proper stance and follow-through. She stumbled. She forgot where her hands were supposed to rest. He had to repeat himself, sometimes three or four times until she got it right. To be fair, her opponent stood more than a foot taller than her, his body broad, heavy, and hard. The average citizen of Night City wouldn’t have the same build, but Adam saw value in testing her all the same. No complaints left Lumen, though as time pressed on, Adam could sense her fatigue.

If asked, he would ignore any implications that he enjoyed testing her. The woman was surprisingly open and attentive to his teachings, even when bested by the merc or met with criticism. Adam caught her off guard multiple times to challenge her reflexes, shoulder checking or roughly shoving her back onto the cushioned mats. Frustration was evident whenever she made a mistake, usually in the form of a sharp exhale or her teeth worrying her bottom lip, but Lumen did not allow any self-pity. Instead, she quickly rose from the mat to try again. Such persistence and the true power he felt behind every blocked blow loosened Adam up. Perhaps he lingered in his holds a little longer than necessary. Perhaps he savored how his body was pressed against hers, the heady scent of her perfume and sweat intoxicating him. Maybe he enjoyed her shit-eating grin whenever she felt that she bested him. Or when he let her land some hits just to see her golden eyes light up in pride. Or Adam gave a short ‘good’ whenever she seemed to master a concept, the closest thing to praise that he ever gave anyone.

Denial served him no good. But he would deny to anyone watching them spar that night that he permitted himself a smile.

For his own amusement, Adam dodged her attempt to strike him in the face, side stepping and immediately wrapping an arm around her waist. A shriek escaped Lumen as he lifted her from the floor with ease and tossed her a few yards away, her body landing hard on the mats and rolling before she settled with a groan.

“Again,” Adam repeated for likely the hundredth time.

When Lumen spoke, her face was still turned away, muffled and listless.

“Does this gym not have a closing time-”

“No.”

A heavy breath left her, her body deflating from exhaustion.

“We’ve been doing this for like, six hours, Adam. I think I’m done for the day.”

“You’ll be done when I say you’re done. Get up-”

“Nah.”

She heard his steps and could practically feel the challenge rolling off of him in waves.

“I know that your little assessment is over,” she chided with the same amount of liveliness. “Safe to say that you like tossing me around.”

A sneer spread across Adam’s lips.

“Maybe I do,” he agreed. “Or I just like the view of you on your back.”

A laugh. Weak, but genuine all the same.

“Preem. Glad to know I’m not losing my mind.”

Rolling over, Lumen dared to look into his red eyes. Never got old, the way her eyes shined. The directness set him back.

“Did I pass?” she asked. “Are you willing to babysit me now?”

“Willing? Never.”

Her eyes rolled.

“But do I pass?”

“It’ll take years before you’re passable, but for one day a week I guess it’ll do.”

Lumen chuckled as she pulled herself to her feet. Every muscle and joint ached at the effort, a silent scream retching from her body after all the work that he put her through. She knew that the intensity and duration was all unnecessary, but she chose to humor him all the same with how he conducted his assessment. Especially after catching how Adam watched her, glimmers of his suppressed amazement glowing each time Lumen completed an exercise well ahead of her expected time.

“Holy shit, it’s midnight,” she breathed.

Adam said not a word, choosing to watch her stretch and pack her things in silence. Lumen’s gray tank top was soaked all the way through, evidence of her labor practically dripping off her face. The woman was still standing after all the hell he pushed her through, even smiling to herself as she took off her tank and slipped on a windbreaker. Wasn’t shy, not one bit. His eyes drank her in, committing her curves to memory. Just below the band of her sports bra, Adam saw the beginning of a black tattoo.

“Are you above fraternizing?”

The words took a moment to register, his mind wondering more so about the hidden ink.

Lumen’s smile weakened, feeling the sting of rejection in his lack of response.

“Hey,” she tried again in a new, soft voice. The change snapped Adam back into focus, suspicion filling him immediately.

“I’m sorry about how I treated you back at my office,” continued the woman. “That last time, you know, with my client?”

Her tongue wet her lips.

“She’s just a child,” continued Lumen. “And, well, I guess tantrums match the level of body modifications? I don’t know. Anyway, it wasn’t right that I took out my frustration on you. You just tried to help, and I’m sorry that I was…”

And just like that, her warm smile and how deeply she looked into his eyes captivated him. He froze at her authenticity, at how brazen she was with her vulnerable emotions. A whim that Adam seldom allowed himself to have, lest it maintain a sense of control.

“I was a bitch,” she concluded. “And I’m sorry.”

Adam wasn’t quite sure what to do next. No one had really apologized to him before, not out of anything other than pure fear anyway, and he was so taken aback by the genuine sincerity of it all that he found himself staring off towards the far side of the gym to avoid the intimacy of her gaze.

“I don’t give a shit,” he stated coolly. “You’re just part of the agreement with Arasaka, a means to an end unfortunately. Even if you were being a total cunt.”

Hoping that she would do something predictable like maybe argue or insult him, Adam dared his eyes to venture back to the woman. Lumen appeared not to take offense at his latest label. She laughed heartily.

“I guess I was being a cunt,” she mused. “That’s fair.”

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, Lumen approached the door. She gave a small wave from over her shoulder. Adam was left speechless.

Before leaving the building himself, the merc took an elevator to one of the other lower floors. Too preoccupied by what occurred that evening, he nearly forgot to retrieve a finishing touch from the Weapons Department. He didn’t typically find much use for this particular item, the other contracts either not important enough or Adam not giving a shit either way, but in this case he thought it wise to play it safer rather than risk any unnecessary setbacks to his missions with Lumen. The check-out process was easy enough, especially with his level of clearance. Item in hand, Adam was lost in thought as he travelled down to the parking garage of Arasaka headquarters. The woman had asked him about fraternization.

Why?

To what end?

Did she expect him to want to have a drink with her? Dinner?

As if they were friendly?

As if he was interested in learning anything about her that didn’t have to do with their contract?

Enigmatic. That would be a great word to describe Lumen or at least one that satisfied Adam in that moment. Each time they met she surprised him. Each time she challenged his assumptions about how she’d respond, react, treat him, even in the face of an insult or threat. What bothered Adam more was how unbothered he was becoming to her defiance. He allowed her to roll her eyes, to argue, to bait him, to tease. Not once had he laid a hand on her with intent to harm. Unlike her colleague, Lumen walked away from their conversations unscathed, or more honestly, he felt the need to walk away from her due to how off kilter she made Adam feel with that smile and gentle touches of the hand. He shivered at the memory of her warmth, at how deeply she looked into his eyes with her palm pressed to his cheek. Couldn’t recall the last time someone held him like that, even if she was only doing it to distract him from his rage.

A scoff.

That’s the only reason she did such an intimate thing. To survive. To fend off her imminent demise at his hand. She must recognize how tentative her role is, that the moment Arasaka deemed their contact over all reserve and patience went out the window. That must be why he staved his anger, why he showed her such undeserved mercy even though she was such a festering pain in his ass.

And yet.

Preem. That’s what she had said with that classic smile. That’s what she said at their shared acknowledgment of his attraction to her.

Preem.

Almost flirtatious.

The elevator doors opened and let in the cool air of the parking garage. It smelled of oil and exhaust, coupled with the strong urban smells of the city street. Something about a city at night stirred within Adam a sense of belonging. Of home. Maybe it was the kind of people who roamed freely at night, who clubbed, drank, and drugged themselves to excess in primal escapism. The kind who found comfort in the shadows as he did, who took refuge in the lapse in reality that Night City’s underbelly provided.

He breathed it in to feel the taste on his tongue, already debating on how to spend one of his rare, free nights off.

Just as Adam was about to leave the garage, a far-off figure captured his attention.

She stood in heavy contemplation by the opening of the garage, her attention completely void of Adam’s presence. That plump bottom lip of hers were tugged in her teeth with her fingers also pinching the skin as she thought on, clearly weighing upon an important decision.

Adam frowned at seeing Lumen still lingering around the corporate building. Their time had concluded half an hour ago, yet there she was. Stance rigid, Adam took note in how uncomfortable she appeared, recalling how strangely she had entered the gym earlier in the night. He scanned her, not surprised to see her heart rate was elevated and breathing slightly labored.

Fear.

Textbook fear, but why?

Following her stare, Adam quickly understood.

Down the street stood a small group of young men. They stood huddled amongst each other near the hood of some beat up car, their scrappy clothes alit by streetlight. They smoked and talked to one another in hushed voices, but even in their best efforts to appear nonchalant, Adam was aware at how each one would periodically stare in Lumen’s direction. Eyes hooded and with a hint of a smile, one man even nodded towards her. Lumen flinched.

No one was aware of Adam. No one knew he lingered in the shadows, how he was privy to all who were involved. How he had access to their bounties and criminal charges in seconds, how his temper blistered at seeing the nature of their offenses.

With a heavy hand, Adam reached out from the darkness and placed his palm on the base of her neck. Lumen jumped instantly, a scream catching in her throat.

“Do you know them?”

His voice was stern, though unreadable. Beneath his touch, he could feel her body relaxing, at how calm she became at hearing his voice.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she muttered. “Why the fuck would you do that-”

“Do you know those men?”

She swallowed.

“No.”

Adam stepped out from beneath the shadows of the parking garage, his grip still on the back of Lumen’s neck.

When he spoke again, his voice was louder and held a sort of lethality in its tone.

“Go home,” he commanded.

Before she could respond, his other hand left his side to reveal the item he took from the Weapons Department. She frowned in confusion as he held up a large white ring, the device clearly some form of modification. Without asking, Adam moved the device over her head and hung it around her neck.

“What is this?” asked Lumen.

“A Halo.”

Adam’s red eyes glowed an amber color, the device then chiming to life. Lumen felt a dull vibration coming from the ring as it activated and synced with the mercenary, her anxiety bubbling even more. It shined a bright white, the color illuminating her face in a faint glow. Adam gave her neck a squeeze.

“What, what does it do?” she asked him.

“Stops anyone from hacking in, even if its just your optics and processor. Tells me where you are at all times and any irregularities in your vitals. Also has a panic feature. Not that you’ll need it.”

That last part was said while Adam gave his coldest stare to the men on the opposite end of the street. He knew they could hear him, knew they recognized who he was, his name falling off their lips the moment he revealed himself. Adam reveled in how quickly they avoided his gaze, at how fast they scrambled.

Turning back to Lumen, he caught her letting out a sigh of relief.

“Go home,” he commanded again. “Turn this off when you get there.”

She nodded slowly.

Adam’s eyes lingered on her face a moment longer, taking in the redness of her cheeks and how quickly her pulse raced, his thumb feeling its drumming beneath his touch.

He let her go and turned down the sidewalk, not bothering to look at her again.

Just as Adam thought that he finally had the final word, a faint ‘thank you’ was whispered from behind.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

2010s Art: Music, Games, and TV

So I love all forms of art. It may not seem like it since I tend to stick mainly to movies, with the odd cartoon or video game thrown in, but that’s really because movies are more my thing due to not being massive time investments. Like, don’t get me wrong, I gamed, I watched TV, I listened to music, but it was a lot more casual than my deep dive into becoming a major cinephile.

With games and TV, it was mostly issues of money and time respectively. I have a few consoles, mostly Nintendo and Sony ones, and my wife helped me experience Xbox games, but I just don’t have the money needed to experience every good game that comes out. With TV, the time investment is the biggest roadblock, especially when all the best shows have hour-long episodes these days. With movies, I just have to spend 90 minutes to two hours on average; for TV, it’s countless hours I could be watching movies. As for music… well, I listened to a lot, I just don’t feel totally qualified to properly rank and list songs and albums.

So instead of the big decade-spanning list for movies that I’m doing, I’m going to go over some things I enjoyed from the past decade and maybe a few things I didn’t in music, TV, and video games. Here’s a little guide so you know what stuff is something I consider one of my absolute favorites in any given medium - if it’s from this decade, it will be in bold, and if it’s from a previous decade but I experienced it this decade, it will be underlined.

Television

I figured I’d get this out of the way first since it’s the medium I have the least experience with. Let me put it this way: I have seen only one season of Game of Thrones, the first one (and by all accounts I dodged a bullet by dropping that show). I also had the misfortune of jumping in to The Walking Dead right as it was gearing up for its abysmal second season, which turned me off that and led to me only watching an episode here or there. 

I had better luck watching live action shows on streaming. I managed to get through almost all of Pretty Little Liars on Netflix, which was a chore in and of itself; it’s a good show, but boy could it ever get arbitrary and frustrating. Speaking of Netflix, I think it goes without saying that Stranger Things is their best effort; from the likable cast of kids to the awesome soundtrack, even though it never really surpasses season one the show always has something cool going on in one of its plots. My other favorite from Netflix would probably be their take on A Series if Unfortunate Events, which is how you do adaptation expansion right; everything they add feels like it’s in service of fleshing out Lemony Snicket’s dismal world, as well as giving Patrick Warburton an incredible dramatic role as the Lemony narrator himself.

Amazon managed to score two hits in my book. The first is the unbelievably fun and charming Good Omens, a miniseries that somehow got me to love David Tennant and Michael Sheen more than I already did. The second was the gory joyride that is The Boys which while not the smartest or most original superhero satire is definitely the most fun.

While I didn’t watch the whole show and would not consider it one of my favorites, I do want to give props to Hannibal for introducing me to Mads Mikkelsen. As far as I’m concerned, he’s the only person aside from Hopkins worthy of playing everyone’s favorite cannibal. Another show I DO consider a favorite despite slacking on keeping up with it is Ash vs. Evil Dead; I only needed to see a single season of Bruce back with the boomstick to know this show was a masterpiece.

On the animated side I have much more to talk about. Not since the 90s have we been spoiled with so many genuinely great and varied cartoons. We got Adventure Time, Regular Show, Steven Universe… really, Cartoon Network raised the bar this decade and made up for an awful 2000s. They even finally gave Samurai Jack a conclusion, which despite the mixed results, was still a real exciting phenomenon to experience.

Of course, my favorite CN show came from Adult Swim. I am of course referring to Rick & Morty, a fun sci-fi adventure comedy that attracted the most obnoxious fanbase possible in record time. While certainly not a show you need a high IQ to understand and having an atrocious third season, it still manages to be funny and thought provoking in equal amounts. Seriously though. Fuck season 3.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is another great show that I sadly fell off the wagon of around the fifth or sixth season. It never got bad of course but it never really engaged me like the older episodes, though what I’ve heard of the last season makes me wish I’d kept up with it. It was a great show with a lot of heart and character, and I’m not sure we’ll ever see a show like it again.

Netflix did not slack in the animation department; I didn’t catch their most famous show (it’s the one about a certain Horseman) but I did catch their fantastic take on Castlevania, which as a huge fan of the series was a real treat. Where the fuck is Grant though?

My two favorite shows of the decade, however, are what I see as the pinnacle of East and West: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and Gravity Falls. 

JJBA is a series I had vague passing knowledge of, only knowing its existence due to seeing Stone Ocean referenced on the Wikipedia page for air rods when I was younger and, of course, the memes that spawned from Heritage for the Future, which were inescapable back in the day. As soon as I got into the series, it became one of my biggest inspirations, teaching me you can be deep, complex, and filled with great character interactions while also being so batshit insane that every new and absurd power is incredibly easy to buy (looking forward to the rainbows that turn people into snails, animators). They managed to get through the first four parts and start up the fifth over the decade; so far my favorite part is four, mainly due to the magnificent bastard that is Yoshikage Kira (played time perfection by D.C. Douglas) and in spite of serial creep Vic Mangina playing the otherwise lovable asshole Rohan Kishibe.

Gravity Falls on the other hand is just a fun and engaging mystery show that manages to excel at being episodic and story-driven all at once. There’s only one or two “bad” episodes across two seasons, and it lasted just as long as it needed to, wrapping things up with a satisfactory ending that still gave fans a few mysteries to chew on. It also gave us Grunkle Stan, perhaps the greatest character in all of animation, the pinnacle of “jerk with a heart of gold” characters who is hilarious, badass, and complex all at once. This is my favorite western animated show…

...but then the last year of the decade threw a curveball and, if I’m being honest, is on par with Gravity Falls: Green Eggs and Ham. Netflix really wanted us to know 2D animation is back in 2019; between this show and Klaus, the future is looking bright for the medium. It’s a fun, funny roadtrip comedy that knows when to be emotional and when to be funny, and it’s all filtered through the wubbulous world of Dr. Seuss. It’s just a wonderfully delightful show.

And on the subject of JoJo, I had a kind of love-hate relationship with anime this decade. The attitudes of anime fans turned me off from anime for a long while. Sure, I checked out stuff like Attack on Titan and Sword Art Online, but neither series really clicked with me. The main anime I loved this decade were ones that started in the 2000s and ended in the 2010s, like Dragon Ball Z Kai and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. I suppose I did enjoy My Hero Academia, which is a really fun show with an awesome and varied cast and great voice acting. Love Froppy, best girl for sure.

One of the most unfortunate things about this decade was how many great shows got screwed over by their networks. Sym-Bionic Titan, Thundercats, and The Legend of Korra were all great shows in their own right but were treated like shit by their respective networks. It really makes me upset that stuff like that not only happened, but continues to happen to this day.

But let’s not end on a bad note; let’s talk about the astounding returns old shows got. Invader Zim got a movie as did Hey Arnold, with the latter in particular finally wrapping up the dangling plot threads, but those are actual TV movies so they don’t really fit here; what DOES fit is Static Cling, the triumphant return of Rocko’s Modern Life. A forty minute special, it follows Rocko and his friends as they navigate the modern age, trying to bring back Rocko’s favorite cartoon. Rachel Bighead’s arc in this in particular is pretty groundbreaking and awesome. 

Also awesome was the first few episodes of Samurai Jack’s return, though it did end up petering out halfway through the season and ended on an anticlimactic note. Still, Tom Kenny’s Scaramouche, the sheer amount of continuity, and the awesome final curbstomp battle against Aku are worth giving this a watch. And if nothing else, stuff like this gives me hope for future revivals. What will we see next? Gargoyles comeback? Batman Beyond continuation? KENNY AND THE CHIMP REVIVAL?! Chimpers rise up!

Music

Much like everyone, I listened to a lot of music this decade. There was a lot of shit, and I definitely used to be one of those “wow no one makes good music anymore” morons, but I grew out of that and learned to look in the right places.

Let’s start with the albums I loved the most. Continuing her meteoric rise from the 2000s, Lady Gaga drooped her magnum opus, Born This Way, an album that successfully showcases her skills as she takes on numerous pop styles. No two songs sound the same, and with a couple of exceptions every song slaps. While we’re on the subject of pop stars, Gaga’s contemporary and lesser Katy Perry managed to hit a home run with the fun bit of pop fluff that was Teenage Dream.

Weird Al was sorely missed for most of the decade, but what albums he did drop featured some of his best work. While Alpocalypse doesn’t hold up quite so well, it’s still solid, but even then it is blown out of the water by Mandatory Fun, an album that just refuses to stop being funny from start to finish. And that’s not the only funny albums this decade; aside from artists I’ll get more into later, George Miller AKA Filthy Frank released Pink Season as one of his last great acts as his character of Pink Guy. The album is as raunchy and filthy as you’d expect. And then for unintentional comedy, Corey Feldman dropped Angelic 2 The Core, an album so musically inept that it ends up becoming endearing; it’s The Room of music.

As I gamed a lot this decade I got to experience a lot of great video game soundtracks, but the two I found to be the absolute best were Undertale and Metal Gear Rising’s. I couldn’t tell you which soundtrack is better, and I’ve actually made a playlist on my iPod containing my favorite tracks from both games. Pokemon had solid soundtracks all decade, but they definitely were better in single tracks such as Ultra Necrozma’s theme from USUM and Zinnia’s theme from ORAS.

And speaking of individual songs, there were a lot I really loved. The disco revival in the easel ide half of the decade lead to gems like “Get Lucky,” “Uptown Funk,” and… uh, “Blurred Lines.” The controversy to that one might be overblown, but it sure isn’t anything I really want to revisit.

Corey Feldman may be the king of unintentional comedy, but this decade was seriously ripe with so bad it’s good music. The crown jewel is without a doubt the giddy, goofy “Friday,” but I think the equally stupid but also endlessly more relatable Ark Music production “Chinese Food” is worth some ironic enjoyment as well. 

Meme songs in general were pretty enjoyable, though it came at a price. Remember when everyone tried to be funny by ripping off “Gangnam Style?” Remember when people took that Ylvis song at face value? Irony and satire were lost on the masses. I think the best mene song of the decade, though, is “Crab Rave,” a bouncy instrumental dance track with a fun music video and an absurd yet hilarious meme tacked to it. And then we have “The Internet is for Music,” a gargantuan 30 minute mashup featuring every YTMND, 4chan, Newgrounds, and YouTube meme you could think of (at the time of its release anyway),

Then we get into artists. Comedy music was great this decade, with Steel Panther and The Lonely Island putting out great work all decade, but by far my favorite funny band is Ninja Sex Party. Dan “Danny Sexbang” Avidan and Brian “Ninja Brian” Wecht are pretty much my favorite entertainers at this point, with them easily being able to go from doing goofy yet epic songs where they fuck or party to doing serious and awesome cover albums where Dan flexes his impressive vocals. A big plus is how all of their albums are easily some of my favorites ever, with not a single bad CD, and that’s not even getting into their side project Starbomb. These guys are a treasure.

Then we have Ghost, a Swedish metal band who play up the Satanic panic for all it’s worth. These guys captured my interest when I heard the beautiful “Cirice” on the radio, and despite that song rocking the fuck out, Imagine my surprise when it ended up being only middle of the road awesome for this band! With killer original songs like “Rats,” “Mary in the Cross,” and “Square Hammer” to a awesome covers like “Missionary Man” and “I’m a Marionette,” it’s almost enough to get a guy to hail Satan. I think they appeal to me mainly because they have a style very in line with the 80s, most evident on tracks like “Rats.” 

While I’d hesitate to call him one of my favorite musicians yet (he is really good so far though), one of my favorite people in entertainment is Lil Nas X. From his short but sweet songs that crush genre boundaries to his hilarious Twitter feed, this guy is going places and I can’t wait to see what those places are.

And finally, the guy I think may be one of the greatest creative geniuses alive and who has nearly singlehandedly shaped Internet culture with everything he does… Neil Cicierega. While it’s not like I only discovered him in the 2010s - the guy has been an omnipresent force in my life since Potter Pupper Pals debuted - he definitely became the guy I would unflinchingly call the greatest artist of our time over that period.   Whether he’s releasing the songs under his own name or as Lemon Demon, you can always be sure that the songs are going to burrow into your brain. His Lemon Demon album Spirit Phone, which features songs about urban legends and the horrors of capitalism, is easily my pick for album of the decade. And then under his own name he released three mashup mixtapes: Mouth Sounds, Mouth Silence, and Mouth Moods. All three are stellar albums, but only Mouth Moods has “Wow Wow,” the bouncing track about homoerotic bee-loving Will Smith and outtakes so good they deserve to be on the next album.

Video Games 

Having a PC this decade was great because it let me experience a lot of games I probably wouldn’t have otherwise, like Half-Life, BioShock, Earthnound, Mother 3, and Final Fantasy VI and VII. All of these and more are among my favorite games of all time now, but we’re here to talk about the stuff from this decade I consider great.

It’s hard to talk about this decade in gaming without mentioning Skyrim. Yes, it has flaws and the main storyline is a bit undercooked, but there’s so much fun to be had dicking about in the wilderness it’s hard to be too mad. And if you have mods, there are endless opportunities to expand the game. The same is true for the other game I have sunk countless hours into, The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth. Not only is there a thriving modding community, but it has been supported and encouraged by the creators and some mods have even made the leap into becoming fully canon! It’s always a blast to revisit and see how far I can break the game with item combos.

Surprisingly, Batman managed to get not one, not two, but THREE awesome licensed games this decade! Arkham Asylum, Arkham City, and the unfairly maligned Arkham Origins all kick as much ass as the Dark Knight himself. The former two reunite Mark Hamill and Kevin McConroy as Joker and Batman while the latter features numerous stellar boss battles. The combat in these games is so graceful and fluid, you WILL feel like Batman at some point, be it after flawlessly clobbering two dozen mooks or silently eliminating a room of thugs before they even realize you’re there.

Pokémon had a bit of a rocky decade; it started out strong with the fifth generation, the best games in the series with a great story, region, and sidequests and then just went downhill from there. Not incredibly so, of course - the games were always fun at least - but gens VI through VIII were not the most graceful steps into 3D. Still, every gen managed to produce some of my all-time favorite Pokémon. Gen V had Volcarona, Chandelure,  and Meloetta; Gen VI gave us Hoopa, Klefki, the Fairy type in general, and a gorgeous mega evolution for my favorite Pokémon, Absol; Gen VII had the Ultra Beasts and Ultra Necrozma, some of the coolest concepts in the series, as well as Pyukumuku; and Gen VIII gave us Cinderace, Dracovish, Dracozolt, Polteageist, Hatterene, Snom, and Zacian. And those are just samplings mind you, these gens are full of hits.

Bringing back old franchises yielded amazing results. Look no further than the triumphant return of Doom in 2016, which had you ripping and tearing through the forces of Hell with guns, chainsaws, and your bear fucking hands. This game is HARDCORE. Less bloody and gory but no less awesome was the return of not just Crash Bandicoot, but Spyro as well in remakes that are easily the definitive ways to experience the games. And don’t even get me started on the remastered DuckTales!

Platinum games did not fuck around this decade, delivering Bayonetta 2 and Metal Gear Rising. The former is a balls-to-the-wall sequel to the amazing original Bayonetta that, while lacking in bosses quite as impressive as the first game’s, is more polished and has a fun story and a better haircut for Bayonetta; the latter is an action game so insane it makes the rest of the Metal Gear franchise look tame in comparison. The latter in particular is in my top ten games ever, with every boss battle feeling epic, all the music kicking ass, and Raiden truly coming into his own as a badass.

Speaking of Metal Gear, the divisive The Phantom Pain easily earns its place here. While much fuss has been made about the game being “unfinished,” it still has a complete and satisfying ending even if it doesn’t totally wrap up the dangling plot threads the young Liquid Snake leaves behind. The overarching themes as well as Venom and his relationship with characters like Kaz, Paz, and ESPECIALLY Quiet make this game, with his and Quiet’s being particularly beautiful and tragic. The Paz quest, Quiet’s exit, and the mission where Snake has to put down his men after they get infested with parasites are all some of the most heartbreaking moments in the franchise. But it’s not all tears; there’s plenty of fun to be had harassing Russians in Afghanistan while blaring 80s synth pop from your Walkman. Oh yeah, and fuck Huey.

The Ace Attorney series also thrived, with both Spirit of Justice and Dual Destinies transitioning the series into 3D a lot more graceful than some other franchises while still maintaining the with and charm the series is known for. And if that wasn’t enough for my point-and-cluck adventure needs, Telltale had me covered with The Wolf Among Us and the first season of The Walking Dead. The stories and characters of those games are so good, it’s enough to make you sad they never got a timely sequel or sequels that weren’t shit respectively.

This decade is when I really got into fighting game, though I’m not particularly good. I supported Skullgirls (and am even in the credits!), and got into Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All-Star Battle (and I also got into its spiritual predecessor, Heritage for the Future). But by and large my favorite fighting game of the decade and the one I’m actually pretty good at is Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, the most ridiculously ambitious crossover in video game history. The fact that the game is STILL getting more characters added is a testament of how insanely great the game is because instead of being mad that there’s so much DLC, people are going rabid waiting for news of more. It’s such an awesome, complete game out the door that the DLC feels earned rather than half a game being held hostage. Other devs, take note!

A lot of franchises put their best foot forward for sequels. God of War III was an awesomely bloody finale to the original journey of Kratos, with more epic bosses than ever; now he’s off fighting Norse gods, and I hear that game is even better! Portal 2 is just an absolute blast, and easily surpasses the first game on the merit of having Cave Johnson alone; the fact we get Wheatley and the malfunctioning personality cores honestly feels like overkill. Then we have BioShock… 2. While it’s certainly not as good as the first game, I think it was a lot of fun, and it got way too much flak.

��I think it definitely aged better than Infinite which, while still a good game in its own right (it’s hard to hate a game with a character as endearing as Elizabeth), definitely was not warranting the levels of acclaim it got with such a muddled narrative. “Overrated” and “overhyped” are not words I keep in my vocabulary and I certainly would not describe Infinite as such, but I do feel like people got swept up in the gorgeous visuals and the story bits and characters that are effective and so weren’t nearly as critical of its flaws. It’s still a good, fun game with an interesting world, but it pales in comparison to the other two BioShocks. I feel like The Last of Us is in a similar boat. That being said, I couldn’t tell you why; it has a great story, good characters, plenty of replayability, and fascinating enemy design. But despite all that, I appreciate this game more than love it. It’s the Citizen Kane of video game sin that regard at least.

I’d be remiss to not mention the big indie successes of the decade. Shovel Knight is easily one is the greatest platform era ever made, taking everything great about the platformers on the NES and SNES, removing the bullshit, and delivering numerous bonus campaigns with unique playstyles. Then there was Abobo’s Big Adventure, a marvelous mashup of all sorts of games starring the beloved Double Dragon mook as he goes on a bloody quest to save his son. It’s a blast and there is tons of variety but some sections are definitely as hair-pullingly difficult as the games that inspired them. And then there is Doki Doki Literature Club, the free visual novel that brutally subverts your expectations. Sadly, I do feel the game loses some impact on subsequent playthroughs, but it’s still a great, effective story that skillfully utilizes meta elements.

Still, the greatest indie success of them all is Toby Fox’s masterpiece, Undertale. Charming, funny, emotional, and populated by a cast of some of the most fun and lovable characters ever conceived, this game was an instant smash and is still talked about to this day. Sure, things like Sans have been memed to death, but it’s hard to not just love and cherish the beautiful world Toby Fox managed to create. This game may not be the greatest game of all time, but for what it is I wouldn’t hesitate to name it the game of the decade.

There was a lot of great art in the 2010s, and while I couldn’t get around to all of it, I’m so happy with what I got to experience. Here’s hoping that the 2020s can be just as amazing!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 026: Obstacle Course Part 2 (Conclusion)

Previously on BnHA: The kids of class A busted their way through the sports festival obstacle course like the young gods-in-the-making they are. Everyone was like, whoa, these kids are kicking ass. Momo made a gun and I may have cried a little. Some girl from the support course macguyvered her way through with moon shoes and a utility belt. Fucking Deku tore through the entire thing carrying a giant metal plate and just whomping robots left and right and shimmying across the floating islands of Pandora like fucking Spider-Man. He then catapulted himself onto a bunch of mines in a fucking minefield and fucking surfed the resulting explosion and I’m fucking done you guys.

Today on BnHA: Deku nearly commits a murder but it nets him first place. Todoroki spits in the face of continuity. Everyone in class A advances to the second round of the festival. Midnight announces that round 2 will be a cavalry battle. Deku has a target painted on his back because no good deed ever goes unpunished.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 48 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.) 

oh my god look at these huge text boxes. are these all Deku?? this kid is fucking twacked out on something right now I swear

yeah I guess this is Deku’s POV from when he was like “RARRRRRRRR [BOOM]” from before

seriously this kid is out here channeling the Hulk or something

holy shit he actually dug up the mines in order to jump on them??

All Might what have you done. look what you’ve created

more like blasting shounen maniac

also I forgot Kacchan’s arm was frozen and I had to stare at it for a sec before my memory filled in the blanks there

so we’re all in agreement that Deku has actually gone crazy right?

“yup this is intense” totally fucking bananas

Kacchan has such an over the top wtf expression that for a moment I actually thought Deku had hit him in the head on the way down

he didn’t think about the landing. of course not. shounens never think about the landing

well maybe this guy can inadvertently help you out with that somehow

wow look at his face. Deku what have you done

now Todoroki’s making an ice path

by the way, so Todoroki apparently doesn’t need to physically touch whatever it is he’s freezing, then? because here he’s just stomping on the ground and it’s immediately turning to ice, but he’s wearing shoes. I can’t remember if he’s done this before, but I feel like up till now it’s always been his hands

in fact, I just went back and checked his intro in chapter 11 and it specifically said he freezes things with his right hand (left hand is the fire one). so I consider this panel a plot hole unless Horikoshi decides to come along and explain it later

(ETA: not only did they not explain it, they didn’t change it for the anime either. WHAT KIND OF GARBAGE IS THIS. I CAN’T BELIEVE THE ENTIRE SERIES IS RUINED JUST LIKE THAT OMG.)

Deku seems more worried about losing time on his landing than he is about, you know, landing badly and breaking every bone in his body. I guess once you’ve already done that a few times, you kind of become accustomed to it and it’s no big deal anymore

(ETA: let’s not talk any more about Deku not giving a shit about his own broken bones holy shit.)

why do shounen people always take such a long fucking time to fall

lol the other two are rushing past him while he’s slowly drifting into the frame upside-down

grab onto them and use them as your sled dogs!

holy fuck what is he doing lmao

this kid is really out here with his HEEERE’S JOHNNY face deadass about to commit murder live on camera in front of 100,000 people

oh thank god he didn’t actually hit them. though I feel like it wasn’t for lack of trying

he hit the ground again and of course, more land mines

I feel like he ended up murdering them anyway tbh

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TEACHING THOSE KIDS ERASER HEAD” lmao sob this chapter is epic

and EH is all “I didn’t even do anything they’re just like this”

Deku actually made it back first! holy shit. and all he had to do was go completely off the deep end and murder two of his classmates to do it

oh my god his mom is watching

I mean, of course she’s watching, but it only just occurred to me. is he actually going to use his quirk here at some point or what? and if he does, just what the hell is she going to make of that?

I hope he comes clean with her afterwards, honestly. I have faith in her ability to keep a secret that would put her child’s life in jeopardy otherwise

(ETA: Deku is a liar and a thief and his poor mom deserves better)

and speaking of that, scrolling back up to the panel above Izumama, there’s this other random guy watching Deku who seems to also recognize him

what’s this about exactly? a year ago would be right around the time of the Sludge Incident. does he remember him from that? or does he somehow know Deku from back in his middle school days?

(ETA: it’s the former, I overthought this)

actually there are a lot of people who went to school with Izuku and specifically knew him to not have a quirk, come to think. what are all of them going to think if he suddenly busts one out here in front of the entire country? I feel like that’s going to seem really fucking suspicious and raise a lot of questions

anyway, moving on here, it seems Tomura is watching too. what a creep

and his hands are gone, just like when he visited the school that day and (presumably) broke in

aww. Deku sought out All Might’s face in the crowd and he’s grinning at him and he looks so proud. he’s crying again sob. and All Might looks fucking ecstatic

now All Might is having an internal monologue about how so many modern heroes are in it for the fame and so they’re selfish, but Deku isn’t like that, and that’s why he chose him. and interestingly he says he thought that quality would be a potential weakness, but he’s happy to be proven wrong

“but you gotta stop crying all the time!” aww, let him be, he’s emotional, there’s nothing wrong with that. I was gonna add “and he’s still a kid”, but that implies that there’s anything wrong with an adult being emotional which isn’t the case either. I know he’s all about the whole “smiling through the pain” thing, but Deku’s not the type to keep his feelings so hidden, and honestly I think that’s also a strength rather than a weakness

people from the business course are discussing Deku’s draft stock now, and speculating on how they would market him

yeah All Might I kind of see what you mean here. it’s all about the PR, and the actual hero stuff has almost been taken out of the equation

there’s a panel explaining how the business course members don’t participate in the sports fest directly and instead they just walk around doing boring business things. I’m not at all interested in this but I am dutifully making a note of it

(ETA: though I would be interested if they did some more shit dealing with sudden fame and celebrity and marketing deals. it’s still ridiculous to me that a country with as huge an idol culture as Japan would not be attempting to do this with at least some of these U.A. kids.)

(ETA 2: finally in the latest chapter I read we at least had someone filming a commercial.)

Kacchan and Todoroki have arrived back at the stadium out of breath as losers. sorry losers

poor Todoroki. IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMOUS DAD AND EVERYTHING

Kacchan’s super pissed but what else is new. is your arm okay bud. also you probably could have blasted your way across that final part of the course similar to how Deku did, but you didn’t. you literally have only yourself to blame

oh wow, Ochako and Iida rounding out the top five! what a pleasant surprise

(ETA: yeah this misconception will be rectified shortly, so I’m leaving it)

Iida’s depressed because being fast is His Whole Thing and he still came in like fifth. honestly I feel like that does hurt him a little more than the rest, because if any heroes out there are on the lookout for a speedster, they’re probably going to be less taken with a guy that didn’t even manage to make the podium in the speed competition. but you still have the rest of the festival, Iida. and if all else fails, you’ll still have two more chances after this

Deku is literally hiding his face because Ochako came right up to him and started talking about how great he was

it was not close, Deku

now he��s saying he got lucky. that was part of it, sure, but dude you were a fucking beast out there. honestly it was scary

Momo made it in sixth! along with this piece of drifting garbage that seems to have gotten stuck to her somehow

I’m sorry you had to see this, everyone. Momo is brilliant, but I feel like she missed a golden opportunity to make another gun or something and solve our Mineta problem for good. they did say no rules, after all. any lawyer worth their salt should be able to work with that

oh wow, I thought Iida and Ochako were fourth and fifth, but apparently that Poison Ivy girl came in fourth! Ibara, huh? I like her a lot

and this Dia de Muertos guy came in fifth!!

MY GOD IIDA, SIXTH?? YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB

and Ochako is #16?? EVERYONE, WE’RE GONNA RIOT

class B seems to only have a few standouts, really. thank god tbh. it was hard enough trying to memorize the first twenty kids’ names

(ETA: for a brief moment it looked like this might not be true, but then it was true again lol)

can’t believe Kaminari’s all the way down at #24. what happened?

are there... two invisible kids here?

(ETA: this literally never came up again??!)

and Aoyama barely made it. the cutoff was at #42 for some reason. they could have easily set it at the much more normal number of 40, but they just liked you that much, Aoyama!

Midnight’s about to announce the second event, but she’s dragging it out so damn much and I can’t take it

“Cavalry Battle”! yay! what’s that

Tsuyu says they’re teaming up but imma need more deets

“participants will form, on their own, teams of two to four members each” okay I can already foresee a few problems here

-- and get into a horse and rider formation, oh my god

I LOVE IT

for a brief moment I was like “wow this is really tame compared to the first event.” but then I remembered that they all have powers and will presumably be trying to kill each other and I can see this getting really fucking violent actually

that said! I’m definitely here for it lol

damn she’s still going on. apparently each kid has been assigned a point value based on the results of the previous event. so that means Deku has the highest value I guess. well, he wanted to stand out

TEN MILLION POINTS wow. this seems a bit broken to me

Deku’s face is

pretty good

what kind of fucked up olympics punishes you for doing well though

ten million points, though. damn. and meanwhile that lucky s.o.b. Aoyama is only worth five

and wow, we’ve reached the end of volume three already! well that sure was fun

BONUS:

Mt. Lady again?

she’s ordering takoyaki

she’s trying to get it for free omg

it worked omg

that’s it. that’s the comic

wow

now there’s a second comic that seems almost identical to her first comic from an earlier volume. this accountant guy is complaining that she’s lost them so much money

she can apparently grow from her normal size up to about 67 and a half feet. and that’s it. nothing in between

aside from that slight bit of additional detail, this is literally the exact same comic strip from before. I want those twenty seconds of my life back damn it

[ogb211-blog]

A bit about me, inspired by a friend

Shoutout to George, had this written beforehand but never thought about posting it anywhere until you did so, big thanks for that. This is gonna be a load of shite for the most part, just me rambling on because it makes me feel better and I don’t really know what else to do at this point because talking to people helps but, getting out of your own head is a battle only you can fight at times. Apologies in advance if anyone ends up reading this crap. So I’m 8, primary school is going great, I’m on the verge of getting into one of the best secondary schools               in the area, going to breeze my 11+ (A test that determines if you’re capable of grammar schools or not, for those who don’t know) and I’m loving life, I play football, always out with mates at the park and whatever, love my family and couldn’t be happier. Then one night, I’m at my aunts, upstairs in my cousin’s room watching tv, quiet night except there’s arguing and crying downstairs, I’m young and scared so I keep to myself, eventually my aunt comes up to the room, and asks me if I love her. I obviously love her, she’s my second mum basically, but I’m so scared and confused I don’t answer, I’m sat there in complete shock, so she sobs and leaves the room. I feel awful but don’t see it as anything more than another argument between her and my uncle. I wake up the next day to find out she’s been pulled out of the sea, dead. To this day we’re still not sure if it was suicide, some sort of attack or a freak accident, point is she was pushed out of that house by an abusive husband and a group of people her couldn’t save her before it was too late, I still feel a strange sense of guilt to this day, not that it was ‘my fault’, but if I had said something that night, just told her I loved her, maybe things might’ve been different. The family is torn apart, my aunts’ children all split up and go their own ways, some even side with the uncle because he’s rich and can provide them with housing etc, despite him robbing their mothers funeral fund, it’s a crazy world. I’ve stayed in my room for pretty much 5-6 months now, only leaving to go to the toilet. I fuck up my 11+, decide not to appeal it because I don’t particularly care for it all. Fast forward to year 9, I’m way overweight, paranoid to fuck because I can’t even trust my own family and underachieving because I can’t get my head, straight nor can I stay motivated. Start going out drinking more often in parks or at house parties because it’s fun, eventually sneaking out, getting into arguments with my mum and her new partner. Drinks lead to drugs and by the age of 16 I’ve already started using ketamine and a few other things to take the edge off of things, between the pressure to succeed because of my family, the stress from my family situation and my mums’ new partner being a piece of shit, and the insecurity, paranoia and mild depression that had started to set in. It went from being a fun thing to being a dependant, if I’m not drunk or high, I’m probably miserable. This continues for a few years, somehow, I do alright in my gcse’s and sixth form and end up in Coventry for uni, this is before I met most of you. Moving away was both liberating and fucking awful, its nice to have freedom, but it teaches you a lot about yourself, you learn that perhaps you’re not entirely cut out for things as you are. The first little while is nice, my housemates are really cool people, we go out, have a good relationship and structure, things are cool. Eventually things go pretty far south, the old habits that I had from previous years re-emerge and my mental health takes a turn for the worst. Second year I’m missing pretty much every lecture there is, missing assignments and spending all day locked up in a freezing cold room, in the dark, playing games or drinking or taking shit. Suicidal thoughts had been there but I’d never really taken it seriously, however one night, after some drinking and a little too much time alone, I eventually tried to take my own life. Thankfully it didn’t kill me, but it made me realise I’m fucked, and cannot make it alone, not for now. So I moved back home down south, never told anyone the genuine reason for why I came back, just stated homesickness. So that’s where these last few months begin. Things are better in some areas, and worse in others. Its nice having the support and general good feeling of family being around, on the other hand I find myself constantly dealing with drama and problems revolving around my littlest brother and his dad, who’s currently pushing for full custody and such, despite being an abusive sociopath, somehow he’s still got a decent case going, it’s a big thing on my mind and all I can do is hope for the best. My other little brother, Charlie, has been suffering from something I don’t even understand myself, he constantly has migraines, can’t really walk around properly without losing balance, and the pressure in his back was scarily high for a while, luckily things are a lot better, but its hard seeing someone helplessly suffer like that. Especially someone close. The substance and drinking stuff never really subsided however, neither did the depression. I’ve had moments where I’d just take walks at like 3am, hoping something would happen. I’ve been fortunate to meet some incredible people over the last few years too, and as of recent. One in particular who sadly I fell out with, you’ll likely never read this but, I’m sorry for everything, and you really do mean the world to me, one day I hope perhaps things go back to the way they were before. But I’ve always struggled to trust and take friendships seriously, never confided in people much, nor have I really ever been good with empathy, honestly I’m not the greatest person around when I take a deeper look at myself. As of recent, I have good friends and people around me, who some days I trust, sometimes I completely detest, I can’t explain why I feel such things, I wish I could. I’ve been clean from drugs for around 3 months now, been in therapy on and off for around 4. It helps a lot, but its hard to be honest and real with yourself when you’ve spent so long avoiding those kind of questions. There are a lot of good days where I feel like things are gonna be great in the future and maybe I’ll stop acting out and shit, there are other days I don’t get out of bed or bother to give anyone the time of day. I don’t think I’ll ever be permanently happy at all, and that’s okay, things are getting better, ish.  This summer is gonna be huge, planning to work on myself a lot, physically and mentally. Uni ends in a month and after that I have a lot of free time, its up to me to make sure its used well. Despite everything previously said, I’m extremely fortunate to be in the position I’m in now, and will never forget that. Still not sure what the point of this is entirely, but it felt good to just write a bunch of stuff for a bit, hopefully it’ll maybe help someone else. Like others talking about their own experiences has helped me. I know I don’t take myself too seriously at all, especially on social media or around others, because, so this might seem extremely weird, but hopefully if me, being the dumbass that I am, can be a little honest with myself and others, it might inspire some good somewhere else. Thanks for reading, Ben.

[downeysgirl94]

Exposed Ch.11 of Not Alone Anymore

Tony knew that he didn’t want peter to be in the public eye, he didn’t want that type of life for him. So ever since tony had peter in his life he made sure the press never got word of him. Tony had to grow up in the public eye because of Howard he didn’t want that for peter, not until he was out of school at the earliest. But of course life never can be easy for tony can it?

Tony was in the middle of his lab working on upgrades to peter’s newest Spiderman Suit when he heard the door open and the sound of heels stepping forward him in a hurried manor.

“Pep what’s with the problem, did a forget about a meeting or something?” tony asked without looking at her

“Tony we got a huge problem” pepper said walking over to him

“What is it pep?” tony said looking at her

Pepper handed him a tabloid

It read

Stark’s Son Finally Revealed?

Tony’s eyes bulged out of his head.

“Shit”

A picture of peter’s face was on the front of the tabloid. Probably whatever restaurant got greedy and sold a picture of them to the media.

“God damn it, how the hell did those vultures find out we were so careful” tony said sighing dropping his face to his hands.

Pepper walked over and pulled Tony’s head to her chest “I don’t know tony but well find out ok I’m going to go do damage control now I just wanted you to know so you could warn Pete” pepper said comfortingly

Tony sighed “ I don’t want him to have the childhood I had in the public eye all the time I practically didn’t have a childhood thanks to Howard, I thought I was going to be better” he trailed off

“stop your already way better a father than Howard, tony that boy knows he loved and you done as much as possible to keep him out of the public eye it’s been almost ten years and there just now figuring out about a child you’ve had since he was six so I consider it a win.” Pepper said warmly

Tony smiled “thanks pep that means a lot, I just wanted him to at least finish school before this was a thing” tony said with a weak smile

“Well he got close so look at the glass half full but let peter know about this so he’s not blindsided” pepper stated

“I will when he gets home from school hopefully his school doesn’t know much yet” tony said shrugging

“Well I’m going to get to the bottom of the photo I’ll see you guys tonight” pepper said before giving tony a quick kiss

“Alright remember we got lawyers if needed” tony said with a smirk

Pepper chuckled as she walked out of the lab.

Tony’s smiled dropped as he looked at the tabloid again

Luckily they didn’t catch him superheroing at least tony thought. Tony glanced at his watch it was a little after 2.

Tony pulled out his phone and dialed Happy’s Number

“Hey Boss, what’s up?”

“Have you left to get peter yet?”

“No was about to, why?”

“I’m coming with today”

“Ok I’ll be there in 10 minutes”

“Thanks Happy” tony said hanging up his phone and going to change.

Peter was standing by his locker talking to MJ when Ned ran up to him freaking out

“Ned what’s wrong?” peter said grinning

“Uhm did you see the news lately, Dude?” Ned said panicked

“Not since this morning, why?” peter asked worried

“Look at this” Ned said handing peter his phone

Peter just stared at the screen lost for words there was a picture of him Stark’s Son Final Revealed “crap this isn’t good”

“Dude why didn’t you tell us?” Ned asked

“Tony didn’t want it getting to the public but apparently it did somehow.” Peter said shrugging

“Well do you know the avengers? Can we meet them?” Ned said rambling on

“Ned once I figure out what is going on I’ll ask if you guys are allowed over ok?” peter said nervously

Ned nodded

Peter grabbed his backpack and closed his locker and waved goodbye to Ned and MJ he walked out of the school and was blindsided by a few paparazzi shoving cameras in his face. Peter was frozen in place

“Your peter parker right? What it like having Tony stark as a dad?”

“How long have you know Tony Stark?

Peter’s spider senses were going crazy from all the lights he couldn’t focus on any the questions. Not long later peter heard a noise he recognized

“Get back he just a kid, leave him alone” tony said

Tony push through the crowd and put an arm around peter shoulder and directed him toward the car while he avoided all their questions.  Happy helped hold them back until tony got peter in the car. Once in the car tony just pulled peter into a hug.

“You okay Pete, I wasn’t expecting them to show up so quick” tony said sighing

“Too much” Peter muttered quietly

“Oh Pete I forgot about your senses, here tony pulled out peter’s noise canceling headphone,  handed them to him and was glad the windows were dimmed.

“Thanks dad that helped a lot” peter said smiling

“No problem Pete try napping till we get to the compound ok? It will help” tony said running his fingers through peter’s hair.

“Ok dad” peter said resting his head on Tony’s shoulder

Tony sighed in relief he was able to calm him down.

Once they arrived at the compound tony gently woke peter.

“Nap help bud?” tony asked

“Yeah it really did” peter replied

“Good come on let go you deserve a quiet afternoon after that” tony said walking towards the elevator.

“Yeah but I really think I need answers first dad” peter said looking tony in the eyes

“I know come on Pete” tony said standing in the elevator

Peter nodded and followed.

They stepped off on tony floor and went and sat on a nearby couch.

“So how did they find out dad?” peter asked

“Pepper is looking into it but my guess is one time we were out the owner got greedy and sold the image of us to the press.” Tony said rubbing his face

“Well why hasn’t this happened before then we go out a lot and I’m sure a lot of people have seen us together?” peter asked

“Because I am extremely careful anytime I normal have like a sixth sense if there is a camera anywhere around me so anytime in the past I saw someone attempting to take your picture I stopped it before it could happen. I guess when this happened we were having too much fun to me to notice” Tony said grinning

“Well why are you trying so hard to keep me out of the press, I see you handle it all the time like its nothing.” Peter asked

“Kid the moment you’re in the public eye they never leave you alone. I didn’t want you to be burdened by that. What you see me handle it as is many years of experience and its nothing I want you to have to experience yet. I was thrown at it at a young age; thanks to my dad it practically made me have no childhood I thought I could avoid his mistakes.” Tony said sighing

“Well dad being your kid I’m going to be exposed to them at some point growing up with you I knew that I was just surprised it took so long. But dad I’m 16 now it’s not like I’m a young kid I can take it, with your help I should be able to understand them soon enough.” Peter said grinning

“Well that’s good to know kid you definitely mature for your age, of course ill teach you my tricks. First of all we can’t keep avoiding them they’ll never leave you alone they want to know about you the moment they get the truth they move onto the next story”

“Ok so what do you suggest we do then dad?” peter asked

“press conference small one ill handle most of the questions but you got to be there may be a question or so for you.” tony said patting peter on the back

“That doesn’t sound too bad”

“Good and we should do it soon because we don’t want to risk a picture getting out of you as Spiderman” tony stated

“Yeah I don’t want to risk that” peter sighed

“Once pepper gets back we’ll see when she gets one scheduled and see where she is with the leak.”

“Yeah and dad what you told me about Howard you’re doing way better than he ever did.” peter said smiling

“Thanks kiddo that’s means so much coming from you” tony said with a warm smile pulling peter into a hug.

“No problem dad, oh and before I forget can I ask something” peter said grinning

“Well obviously with this out Ned and MJ found out are they allowed to hang out here now.” Peter asked

Tony was chuckling “kid when I said I didn’t want anyone to know I meant media and everything, you could have told your friends, I was wondering why you never brought them over here?”

“Oh really guess you should have been clearer dad” peter said sarcastically

“Shush up kid but you should obviously know your friends are always welcome.” Tony said smiling

“Thanks dad” peter said grinning pulling out his phone.

“Pete message your friends later go pick out a movie for us to watch if you don’t I’m putting a horror movie on, I know you hate them” tony said with a smirk

“I do not hate horror movies dad” peter said defensively

“sure kiddo that’s why when we went to see The Conjuring you asked sleep in my bed cause you didn’t want to be alone”  tony said giggling

“Shut up dad I picked a movie ok happy?” peter said obviously embarrassed.

“Not star wars right?” tony said grinning

“Not star wars, Saving Private Ryan” peter said

“Ok were good then” tony said chuckling as peter put on the movie

As the movie was ending pepper walked off the elevator

“Any luck pep? Tony asked as he pulled her into a hug

“Narrowing it down but still a process how about your end?”  Pepper asked

“They were already at his school today luckily I went with Happy to get him”

“Wow they work quick how did he handle it?” pepper asked

“being blindsided by everyone flipped out his enhanced senses so had to calm him down a bit ouch we got away from the crowd, but once I explained everything he says he’s ready he was actually shocked they didn’t find out sooner.” Tony said shrugging glancing at peters sleeping form on the couch.

“So you want me to schedule a press conference?

“Yeah the sooner the better they’ll lose interest in him one we address it” tony stated

“Tony stark what happened to my immature boyfriend I was dating? who is this adult standing in front of me?” pepper said giggling

“He still there pep just little more mature then he used to be at times” tony said chuckling and pulling pepper into a kiss.

“Peter was the best thing to happen to you” pepper said smiling

“Along with you, Pep” tony said happily.

[imwastingmylifeinhere]

Magnus Chase and the Obligatory Hogwarts AU Ch13

On ao3 

Remember back in chapter 10 when I said that their sixth year is basically Magnus singing Treat you better? I couldn't control myself, sooo... yeah. Enjoy!

For someone who had spent the night having an existential crisis, Magnus looked relatively normal when he walked into the Hall of the Slain. Sure, he yawned a bit too much and his eyes were bloodshot and tired but it was nothing that couldn’t be explained by staying up late to do homework.

So despite what he told his friends, he hadn’t stayed up late doing that Potions assignment he allegedly had forgot to start. (He had finished that already, thank you very much.) What he had been doing was lying in bed while the rest of his roommates snored away and trying to pinpoint exactly when his feelings for Alex had switched from merely platonic to something more.

He couldn’t say it was when they first met. First off, that was horribly cliché. In hindsight though, he had to admit that he had found Alex pretty when they met on the Hogwarts express. That still didn’t mean anything, because he had thought most of his friends were pretty or cute or something along those lines at some point. (He had attractive friends, okay?)

Everything else he could come up with, any other instance that might have been the moment when he fell for Alex, didn’t seem to be right either. Even with something like their dance at last year’s Halloween party didn’t seem to cut it. Alex had freaking French-dipped him and he couldn’t think of that moment and go yes, this is when I fell for him.

There wasn’t just one moment, he realized as one of his roommates snored, rolled over and fell out of bed. He couldn’t find the exact instance because there hadn’t been one. It just happened progressively, naturally, his feelings just developed into something different.

And the thing was that he couldn’t stop noticing it. It was like when you think you heard something when you were on your own in the house and suddenly every little creak sounds deafening. Now that Magnus had acknowledged his feelings, he couldn’t seem to be able to ignore them.

He’d think about Alex’s mischievous grin before he was about to pull a prank or the way he snorted a bit if he laughed too hard or how all the stupid shit he did could be very amusing and he’d feel like he was dying. His stomach did acrobatics, his heart felt like it had exploded inside his chest, his face heated up. Why did people like being in love when it made them feel like they had a bloody fatal disease?

And what was the best thing? Alex had a boyfriend. He was in a relationship and even if Magnus had the guts to tell him that he liked him and ask him out, he couldn’t do it.

When did my life turn into a YA novel?

He couldn’t say anything, he decided. No matter how grossed out he might be with Alex and Conall’s lovey-dovey behavior, they seemed happy and Magnus wouldn’t do something as petty as sabotage his friend’s joy because he had fallen for him. He had no right to do something like that.

And besides, he had thought hopefully, it’s probably a simple crush. It will go away soon.

That sounded like lying even to himself but he had no choice than believe it.

So this is where his late-night thoughts had led him to; sitting with his friends at breakfast and sleepily poking at his eggs. He busied himself with the little wobble the orange part of his fried egg did when he hit it instead of how nice Alex looked today.

He didn’t even look different! He was normal, just normal Alex with soft-looking green hair that was ruffled in an endearing kind of way and captivating eyes and strong-looking arms and—This is what Magnus meant by not being able to ignore his feelings.

Despite how good Magnus would say Alex looked today, the Slytherin boy didn’t feel like that. His mind was stuck on Conall not kissing him yesterday after they came back from Hogsmeade. It seemed trivial when he put it like that and he felt a bit stupid for paying it that much attention. But the thing was that Conall seemed to have no qualms to kiss him earlier that day and that he had done something like that several other times as well. Most times, Conall was very sweet and affectionate, he took every opportunity to kiss Alex at least on the cheek. Yet some other times Alex could be flirting with him so hard and get nothing more than a hug out of him.

Maybe he was just in a bad mood? That wouldn’t explain yesterday though. He had been with Conall the whole day and nothing bad had happened. No matter what kind of excuse Alex came up with to explain his boyfriend’s behavior, nothing made sense. Nothing fit quite right and everything felt like exactly what they were- excuses.

What was more was that when he was going over everything that had happened yesterday, one of those things was that he switched to male and his mind would just not move on from that. Could it really be that Conall wasn’t as affectionate just because he was male at the time?

He pushed the thought out of his mind and tried to focus on his breakfast. He shouldn’t worry this much, Conall was a good kid, he shouldn’t get this worked up just because he didn’t get a simple kiss. It must have been a coincidence.

Alex’s eyes landed on Magnus opposite him who looked tired. He said he had stayed up late doing an assignment for Potions and it showed. He was poking at his eggs like his mind was a thousand meters away and his hair was messier than usual- not that it wasn’t messy on good days. Merlin knows that boy’s hair does not behave and always looks just a little bit puffy. It was kind of endearing, honestly, and Alex always thought it was cute.

I wonder if Magnus would have acted like Conall if we were dating, he found himself thinking absentmindedly and immediately scolded himself. What are you doing? Why are you thinking that? You have a boyfriend and it’s not Magnus.

Still, Alex’s eyes somehow found their way to Magnus’s lips. They look soft…

“Anyway, since Halfborn’s birthday is coming up, I thought we’d throw him a party!” Mallory said excitedly, snapping Alex out of his thoughts (thank Merlin for that). She was smiling widely, waving her hands around for emphasis even though she was holding a fork with food on it in one.

Halfborn, after he took a moment to admire his girlfriend, spoke. “You really don’t have to do that, guys.” Yes, the idea of a pasty sounded amazing, and normally he would be all over it, but he didn’t want his friends to get in trouble for throwing him a party. (Where would they even throw it?)

“Bullshit,” Mallory said simply. “This is your final year at Hogwarts, you deserve a birthday party and as your girlfriend I’ll throw you one whether you want it or not.” Mallory was waving the piece of sausage on her fork in front of his face and Halfborn gave into the fiery look his girlfriend was giving him.

“Alright, we can throw a party. But where will we do it? And when?”

“On your birthday, at eight, at…” Mallory trailed off, trying to come up with a place where they could have a party without anyone finding out.

“Oh, I know just the place!” T.J said. “It’s in the left corridor of the seventh floor, opposite that tapestry of someone trying to teach trolls ballet.”

“There’s nothing there,” Halfborn said. He passed by that tapestry (who would try to teach trolls ballet?) often and he didn’t remember there being a door opposite it.

“There is if you know how to look for it,” T.J said with a cheeky smile. “Mallory and I can go early to set things up. You just need to come and walk in front of the wall three times thinking ‘I want to go to Halfborn’s party’.”

The Ravenclaw didn’t stop getting questioning looks from his friends but it didn’t seem to deter his happy mood. They decided to trust in what he said- after all, they lived in a magical castle with ghosts and talking portraits. Nothing was that far off the realm of possibility.

And it wasn’t. The room was really there, just like T.J had said. On the third time Magnus walked past the spot on the wall T.J had specified a door appeared, simply fazing into existence like it had always been there.

“Okay, that’s awesome,” Percy said from behind him. Annabeth and him had offered to help Magnus carry snacks from the kitchens (the room couldn’t make food, as T.J had told them). The green-eyed boy looked at the door in wonder and Magnus couldn’t blame him; it was pretty cool.

Next to him, Annabeth was studying the door with a calculating eye. Ever the Ravenclaw, her curiosity about how the room worked was evident in her grey eyes. “I wonder if there’s something like this in Ilvermorny,” she muttered, more to herself than to either of them.

Inside, the room was a spacious living room with two L shaped couches forming a square around a coffee table. Balloons flew close to the ceiling and garlands adorned the walls. There was a small pile of presents at one corner and the rest of their group was already there.

“Put the food there and get ready, Halfborn is coming any minute now!” Mallory told them as she pointed at the coffee table. She was practically bouncing from her excitement and the moment they had put down all the food on the table she turned off the lights.

Halfborn found the room quickly enough. The door appeared on the wall again – or at least its outline, Magnus couldn’t see clearly in the dark- and he opened it. The moment it was closed behind him the lights were back on and confetti cannons went off. Everyone was yelling “Surprise! Happy birthday!”

Even if technically it wasn’t a surprise since he knew about the party but hey, the thought is what counts.  

“The birthday boy is here!” Mallory announced loudly and run over to Halfborn to put a magical party hat on his head that said ‘birthday boy’.

“Do I have to wear this?” he asked with a smile as he touched the hat experimentally.

“No hat, no kisses,” Mallory said in deathly seriousness. “Now, let’s get this part started!”

The room was filled with loud woops and yes’s as Mallory put on some music from her magically modified phone.

“Happy birthday, big guy,” Alex said as he punched Halfborn in the arm. “How does it feel being a year closer to being an old man?”

“Better than being a little shit,” the giant of a boy shot back with a laugh. He got Alex under a headlock and ruffled his hair as the Slytherin tried to escape. Halfborn was having none of that kept Alex securely trapped under his armpit. “Smell the wrath, smell the wrath!”

Mallory and Conall laughed affectionately at their significant others along with the rest of the group. Once Halfborn decided he had had enough and let Alex – who now had a rat’s nest as hair- go the rest came forward to wish him happy birthday. Their wishes ranged from polite, like Sam’s and Annabeth’s, to something a dudebro from a highschool flick would do, like T.J’s and Magnus’s.

And what better to start their party than icebreaker games? (Which they technically didn’t need to do since they were already friends, but it was fun, so who cared?) They gathered around the coffee table and munched on all the junk food Magnus had managed to get from the kitchen (a task that wasn’t so difficult given how much the house elves loved to help out). The first game they decided to play was two truths and one lie, which was… interesting to say the least. By the time they got bored of the game they were all high with sugar and had learned things about each other that they would rather not know (like, seriously, who likes eating blue food, Percy?)

A currently drunk on soda Mallory jumped up from her seat on Halfborn’s lap and announced that they should dance. She didn’t leave Halfborn much thought about it, dragging him up with her by the wrist.

“Woohoo!” she yelled as she threw her arms around Halfborn’s neck (it’s harder than it sounds with how tall he is). Magnus made a mental note to himself not to let Mallory near sugar again as he moved to the empty space of the room that they were using as a dance-floor.

Except he couldn’t dance. Like, at all. That lead to him just awkwardly swaying to the music off to the side, neither confident enough in his abilities nor high enough on sugar to go and dance likes a proper human being.

“Oh, come on, cousin!” Annabeth said as she dragged him with her to dance. “Dance!”

“You can’t dance either,” Magnus said because… he had eyes, Annabeth couldn’t dance that well either.

“Doesn’t matter. We can still be the awkward nerds at a party together!” To prove her point she took both his wrists in her hands (wow, who knew his wrists were so small?) and started randomly moving around, not seeming to care at all about the beat. Magnus felt like a child pretending to waltz after watching a Disney movie (he may be guilty of doing that) but he had to admit it was fun.

Soon enough he was taking his own liberties with their dance, twirling his cousin around and somehow working in a dab in there just to be ironic. Percy joined their little circle too and he seemed to enjoy their goofy, over-the-top dancing as much as Magnus.

“Let’s do a wave!”  he said excitedly and that’s just what they did. All of them ended up holding hands and trying to mimic a wave with varying degrees of success. Conall sucked at it, Magnus wasn’t half bad and Percy freaking owned it. Like, seriously, did he have no bones, how did he move his arms like that?

Their wave then somehow morphed into a conga line and they moved around the room like a little train, dancing the conga to ‘Shape of you’. It would have been a lot of fun if Alex didn’t happen to be walking right behind him. His hands were on Magnus’s shoulders and he would bump into his back every time someone in the front of the line would stumble. Each time Alex would let out a small ‘oof’ and an airy laugh and Magnus would feel his heart dance the conga with them.

Stop crushing on Alex, stop crushing on Alex, he kept repeating to himself. He has a boyfriend, it doesn’t matter how nice his hands feel or how good his laugh sounds or how pretty his messy hair is.

Unknown to Magnus, Alex was having a similar reaction to him. Every time he bumped into the blonde his heart would beat just a little bit too loud and it left him baffled as to why. Come on heart, why are you acting like that? And why does Magnus smell so nice?

A smaller detail Alex would only notice when thinking back to the party but he never had quite the same reaction when Conall bumped into his back.

One song later they were back to dancing separately. Mallory and Halfborn were having fun trying to shove as many couple-y dance moves into their dance as possible and bursting out laughing with everyone. Sam was, surprisingly enough, beat-boxing to T.J who was trying, and failing, to pull of some break dance move. Magnus kept dancing with Annabeth and Percy and when Percy decided to twirl him out he saw Conall and Alex dancing.

It was more like they were dancing at each other rather than with each other. They stood close but they didn’t really touch and there was a sense of awkwardness between them so thick you could cut it with a knife. Even so, Magnus and his dumb mind couldn’t help but think back to last year’s Halloween party and the dance he and Alex had shared. He felt a smile tug at his lips at the memory. They had acted so over-the-top it was ridiculous but so, so much fun. Alex had even French-dipped him at one point and Magnus could remember marveling at how he was strong enough to hold him up.

If getting lost in the memories wasn’t enough, Magnus was stupid enough to imagine the same dance in a world in which they dated. Alex lead him during their dance, giving him small smiles, and when he French-dipped him he leaned in closer and Magnus could feel his breath on his lips and then he—

Nope, nope, stop. Stop thinking about it Magnus, it’s not gonna happen. Alex was in a relationship and even if they broke up, Magnus felt bad wanting it to happen. It’s just a crush, just get over it.

“You like him, don’t you?” Perry asked, bringing Magnus crashing back to the present. The taller boy had linked all their arms together and they were doing a weird shuffle-dance.

“What? No, no, why would you think that?” Magnus instantly denied the accusation and, to his defense, it would have sounded much more convincing if Magnus wasn’t blushing redder than the Gryffindor banner and if his voice was an octave higher.

“Well, Annabeth told me,” Percy started and twirled Annabeth around. “Plus, you’re even more obvious than Nico and he completely ignored Will for a week because he couldn’t get a word out around him.”

“Who’s Nico?”

“Percy’s younger cousin,” Annabeth explained when she twirled back and took Magnus’s hand again.

“Okay, but even if I,” Magnus dropped his voice so no one would hear what he was about to say (not that they had a chance to over the music), “like him, he has a boyfriend. I can’t do something even if I was brave enough to make a move. So please don’t bring it up again.”

The couple frowned (huh, even their expressions were similar), probably with pity at Magnus’s situation. Thankfully, they dropped the topic and started a random discussion about how Percy’s younger cousin managed to get in a fight with a student in Ilvermorny, end up in the infirmary and get a crush on a student who was helping out there because he wanted to be a healer. According to Percy “Nico’s idea of flirting was to get into as many fights as possible so he could talk to Will in the infirmary”.

After they danced for a bit more until their legs felt way too sore, they sat back down on the two couches. It didn’t take long before whatever conversation they were having was disrupted by T.J loudly asking “Who wants to play truth or dare?”

So, naturally, they ended up playing truth or dare. Eight teenagers on a sugar-rush and truth or dare shouldn’t mix. Halfborn dared Percy to sing an ‘I want’ Disney song believing that the other boy would be too embarrassed or mess up a lot. The joke was on Halfborn because Percy sang a beautiful ‘How far I’ll go’ from Moana.

“And it seems like it’s calling after me so come fiiiiiind me! And let me knoooow, what’s beyond that line, will I cross that line?” Percy had decided to jump onto the coffee table and pretend it was his boat as he held a bottle of soda instead of an oar. “The line where the sky meets the sea, it caaaaaaals me! And no one knoooows how far it goooes! If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behiiiiind me, someday I’ll knooow how far I’ll goooooooo!”

T.J was dared to chug down a full bottle of Coca Cola and quickly made the loudest burp Magnus had ever heard in his life. Mallory was made to sit on Halfborn’s lap for three rounds by a smug T.J and the group learned that Conall slept with a nightlight until fifth grade. Sam was to put a pillow under her shirt and pretend to be Quasimodo (she slipped in some Disney songs too). Halfborn had to sit still as Mallory made him French-braid his hair.

“Magnus,” Halfborn turned to him with an evil glint in his eye. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

A smug smile spread across Halfborn’s face. “I dare you to sing ‘Treat you better’.”

Magnus’s first thought about that was that it was way too easy for a dare that came from Halfborn. Normally the seventh-year would have him eat owl droppings or run around the school butt-naked – singing a song seemed pretty anticlimactic.

That thought was tossed out of the window when Magnus realized what the song was about and cursed internally. Of course Halfborn would tease him about having a crush.

Knowing that there was no way to get out of it, Magnus got up with a heavy sigh and climbed up on the coffee table, which had apparently become their singing stage.

“I won't lie to you. I know he's just not right for you,” Magnus starts singing, looking very much like a lifeless scarecrow than an actual person singing.

“Boo!” Halfborn yells from the couch. “If you’re going to sing do it properly! With passion!”

Magnus sighed once more and picked up a bottle from the table to use as a microphone. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath to prepare himself for the singing he was about to do.

“I won’t lie to you. I know he’s just not right for you.” This time Magnus sang like he was alone in the shower; loud, overly dramatic and far off key. It didn’t seem to deter his audience that started cheering him on.

“And you can tell me if I’m off, but I see it on your face when you say that he’s the one that you want.”

Alex was more than ready to hear Magnus sing some weepy (if nice) pop song but it was when Magnus sang that particular line that it hit a bit too close to him. Conall came to his mind immediately along with all the doubts about his boyfriend that he had tried to shove down and forget.

He… liked Conall. He was fun to hang around with even if he could be a bit nervous at times. He liked kissing him too, it was nice, although there were much less fireworks than YA authors would have you believe, which made sense. Kissing Conall wasn’t the end of the world but it wasn’t bad either. It was…okay.

But there had obviously been an awkward air with their relationship lately and Alex wasn’t sure if it just meant that had gotten out of the honeymoon stage or if there was something actually wrong with their relationship.

The kiss Alex had been expecting but never got came back to him along with every other time Conall had left him hanging, the overwhelming majority of them when Alex was a ‘he’. Could Conall feel differently about him as a boy? Was he even attracted to boys?

Alex was brought out of his train of thought by Magnus’s loud singing as he reached the chorus. By this point, they had all joined in with the blonde, singing the parts of the song that they all knew.

“I know I can treat you better. BETER THAN HE CAN!” As their whole group sang that line, heads thrown back to be more dramatic and huge dumb smiles on their faces, Alex’s eyes fell on Mallory still sitting on Halfborn’s lap. In a moment of inspiration, Alex moved to sit on Conall’s lap as well. The boy halted in his singing in surprise but continued quickly, though much calmer.

It should have calmed Alex worries that Conall didn’t seem awkward about his sitting on his lap, except it was wrong. Alex had sat on Conall’s lap plenty of times, he knew Conall’s response by heart. Conall would put his arms around his waist and give him a kiss, whether it was on the lips, the cheek or the neck didn’t matter. Conall would do the same thing time and again without fail. He had done the same thing when they had breakfast before heading to Hogsmeade!

Yet now he didn’t. Now his arms stayed by his side, he didn’t pull him closer, he did nothing. He felt stiff underneath Alex, and not in the way you’d expect a young boy whose significant other was sitting on them to be stiff. He felt nervous, weird. Alex knew that even if he had sat on someone who was purely a friend, like Mallory or T.J or even Annabeth, they wouldn’t have been this uncomfortable.

Unwilling to admit to himself that something was wrong, Alex allowed himself hope and leaned in to kiss Conall. He could taste the snacks they had eaten on his lips and smell the shampoo he used.

Alex’s heart sank to his stomach. Conall had barely kissed back, even when Alex kissed more eagerly.

On top of the table, Magnus felt a sharp pain in his heart when he saw Alex kiss Conall, sitting comfortable in his lap. “Tell me why are we wasting time on all your wasted crying when you should be with me instead. I know I can treat you better, better than he can.”

Always the stubborn one, Alex had kept on pretending nothing was wrong. Conall’s cold demeanor hadn’t changed and he still seemed stiff around her. Coincidently, Alex had a lot of male days lately and she couldn’t stop herself from making the connection between the two things.

It had been a few days since Halfborn’s party and Alex was female today. She arrived at the Hall of the Slain and found most of her friends already there. Her pink skirt (that probably went against school regulations) shifted against her legs as she walked to their table and sat down.

“Morning, guys. She/ her today,” she greeted them. Maybe the skirt would had been enough to tell her gender but she had worn a skirt plenty of times when she was male too (some days you just couldn’t wear pants).

Things went by normally, just friendly banter and T.J’s story about a dream he had where a goldfish with a beard, an eye-patch and a captain’s hat drove a steampunk submarine that flew. Conall didn’t take long to come and he sat down with a happy greeting.

“Good morning! She and her?” he asked as he smiled at her.

“Yep!” Alex answered, praying she sounded natural. What happened next would prove or disprove her suspicions.

Then Conall leaned in and did what Alex had wanted him to do these past few days. He leaned closer and kissed Alex on the lips and it was natural and sweet and like every other time Conall had kissed her, if a bit stiff.

Alex kissed back and did her best to act like everything was normal, like her heart hadn’t sank to the depths of her stomach when Conall kissed her like he always did.

Or, well, like he always did whenever Alex wasn’t a boy.

She went through the rest of the day laughing and joking with her friends and holding hands with Conall. She ruffled Magnus’s hair and whispered with Mallory at History of Magic and threw food at Halfborn at lunch.

Yet, needless to say, she felt horrible. The knowledge that Conall acted different around her when she was a ‘he’ made her feel like she worms in her stomach that constantly moved around and made her sick. She wanted to throw up and curl up in a ball under her blankets and never come out again.

Every time Conall kissed her, every time he did what she had wanted him to do these past days, she was reminded that he wouldn’t do the same thing if Alex was a boy that day. The thought that he didn’t like a part of her brought back memories of how Alex had felt when she was still living at with her parents and a part of her was something to be ashamed of.

This whole situation made her feel like a fourteen-year-old child again, kicked out of home because she wanted to be a girl sometimes. Vulnerable, alone, helpless. She shouldn’t have been scared to comfort Conall about this, she should have been straightforward and blunt, but…

So this is how she ended up here, waiting outside a Transfiguration classroom. The lesson ended soon enough (thank Merlin or else she might have just left) and Magnus’s blonde head walked out of the classroom. Alex swiftly dove into the sea of students and tugged at Magnus’s sleeve. The Hufflepuff turned to her in surprise, jumping up a little in a kind of adorable fashion because he was startled. Alex pulled him with her as she walked down the corridor and took a left turn.

When they were finally in a quiet place that not a lot of people came by, Alex let him go. It must have been pretty obvious in her face how distraught she felt because Magnus went straight to the point.

“Alex? Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

Alex nodded and sighed deeply. Her arms were wrapped around her front as if she was hugging herself and the effect was rather jarring for Magnus. It made the otherwise brave and energetic girl look small and scared, uncertain. “Yes. I…need to talk to you about something important. A… about Conall.”

Oh, BOI, the next chapter is going to be good! I'm going to give you a clue about what;s going to happen because I like torturing you *starts singing and dancing Kiss Kiss Fall in Love* Okay, wow, I'm not good at being subtle.

[seekerandthewizard88-blog]

Health, Service, and Mastery

by Kat

The last evening of 2018, a wonderful new friend said she had looked up the meaning of my sun sign being in my sixth house. She said my journey in this life was going to revolve around health/wellness, service, and mastery. 

I nodded, feeling as though this was not news to my ears. Being enrolled in an acupuncture program, dealing with autoimmunity, and constantly devouring information left and right in an effort to digest this vast buffet we call a universe was so emphatically me. 

Service…. on the horizon. Unquestionably a major theme for my existence here, I was going to one day be of great service to humanity!! A common phrase in my head - “I can’t wait until I can start healing people!!”

Fast forward 3 days later. I’m reclined with a blanket over me, in the middle of my very first ever hypnosis session. Just moments before, I was gently told- more than once- how the brain does not know how to tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined…. (I knew this, but hearing it gently repeated had quite the effect in the moment). As I was guided to summon forth in my mind’s eye my “special place,” I realized that I was suddenly on Walnut beach, the beach that I have frequented near to my apartment ever since moving here over 2 years ago. The scene was an exact replica of the view I had taken in many times before… until it wasn’t. It’s hard to recall what prompted me, but I remember a distinct moment where my energy seemed to open/expand beyond some limitation, and the scene became more vividly fantastical and magical. I saw the backdrop behind the sandy beach appear as boulder sized crystals rising out of the Earth, all glimmering with their geometric points juxtaposed within the sparkling masses surrounding the shore. It was then that I noticed myself. Which is strange how I knew that, because it was more like observing.

There, in the middle of the sand, stood a tall, golden skinned shaman priestess. Her loosely layered clothing was billowing slightly in the wind. She had many adornments…. jewelry made out of shell, bone, feather and metal. Golden arm bangles surrounded both biceps along with tattoos of totem animals and sacred imagery. When I made my way up to her head, I saw that her hair was actually a violet flame, oscillating softly upwards. Though there was gentle movement, there was a steady stillness. Barefooted, the right foot was ever so slightly in front of the left, poised and ready to take action if action was deemed necessary. I felt the connection of the Earth’s supporting energy entering the soles of her feet and traveling up into her deepest reserves filling her with unwavering strength. This was a woman- a force- to be reckoned with. This was a powerful healer, a mystic, a ritual performer, an interpreter of spirit, and a mouthpiece of nature. Her dominion was over all the plants, animals, rocks, and elements, because she had proved herself worthy of the responsibility through her heart-centered intention. She was all at once gentle and filled with compassion, yet her grace was fierce. I KNEW she could do absolutely ANYTHING she wanted, for she was divine will herself. I felt the heart of this being, and I knew in that moment that she was the real me. 

Coming home, my brain began to process all this new information. I had been to the beach this afternoon as far as it was concerned. I now had these memories that I CREATED. How could I go back to a time when I didn’t have this experience?

I mused about this “me” that I was confronted with so suddenly. What was different about “her” and the me I am in my daily life? I’ve had purple hair, and the tattoos are on the way…. I always have some jewelry I could add to the mix. It was just like the volume was turned up…. but, not exactly.  

-

It hit me like a lightning bolt. I was in the middle of writing a review on Facebook so that I could promote this beautiful healer who had come into my realm and had given me this amazing experience and opportunity. While writing, this warm feeling of fulfilling something in my soul welled up inside my heart space. I suddenly realized that the review I had written would be powerful words for others to read because they were authentic, they were eloquent, and they reflected my deepest heartfelt gratitude. I was effortlessly finding myself being of SERVICE in a way that naturally aligned with what I have to offer: my insight, my time, my awareness, my words, my gratitude, my particular network of humans, my ability to express my honest experience…. 

Then it hit me - this was MISSION in its fully realized entirety!! Mission being inseparable from who a person is…. Health/wellness, mastery… SERVICE. This woman in my vision was a living, breathing expression of mission in its COMPLETION and entirety. She wasn’t waiting to become ANYTHING. She was simultaneously the healer and the master, and she was dedicated in her SERVICE TO ALL OF LIFE. To the highest good of all surrounding her. SHE IS ME. My mission in this life is health, mastery, and service…. but it didn’t have to be MY mastery of a healing modality, and it didn’t have to be MY specific service of healing…. all of these conditional things that my ego had attached to these things were actually preventing me from aligning with the TRUEST expression of my mission IN THE NOW MOMENT. 

THERE IS NOTHING PREVENTING ME FROM ACHIEVING MY MISSION RIGHT NOW. IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ME DOING THE ACTIVE HEALING. 

Ironically, after putting the ego shit aside, I realized that I can actually do the healing piece NOW, just not in the way that I thought it had to be. The way I can heal people RIGHT NOW is to RAISE AWARENESS and point them in the directions they need to go. This is what I said I wanted to do a long time ago when I originally started this blog, but then somehow got sidetracked. Most likely by diving into my own personal healing….  which I said I would write about and share throughout, but I have not faithfully and consistently done that. So many experiences happened along the way that I could have written about and shared. Fucking discipline strikes again…. seriously, that is what this year is going to be about for me. 100%!!!!

Before this, countless ideas had been born and then buried. Not this year baby. I am accepting the challenge to fully embody my mission and I am not taking any more excuses to prevent it from happening. I saw the vision. I AM THE HEALER. The world needs this shit. I needed this information handed to me way back when. I had to crawl on hands and knees basically to find it, and not all of it was helpful information… I am still carving out the path, but… now, because of this mission, I will not be the only one who benefits from what I have learned and experienced. I have been given SO MUCH that my heart is so full. I want to expand that right back out in gratitude for all to have even a piece of what I have received. 

I just had the pleasure of calling my two aunts over the holidays to thank them for sending me cards with a little spending cash for me to unwind with. The family communicates a lot behind the scenes about the extended family, and they know I am in school and up until recently was also working every day that I was not in school. Because of this, they wanted me to enjoy myself over the break. I am SO PROUD of the family I have. They built empires with their bare hands, and are essentially the reason why I have EVERY OPPORTUNITY that I do in this current moment to feel FULLY SUPPORTED while I chase my dreams… and even have time to do so comfortably and LEISURELY. I will not go into all the nitty gritty details, but I honestly intend on writing my family’s story at some point because there was absolutely divine intervention involved. Suffice to say that my two aunts arrived on American soil after taking their first plane ride EVER from the Philippines, with no place to go, at an airport at 11 o’clock at night, thinking the American immigration officers would come to escort them to the teaching jobs they were hired for in the fall. They arrived during the summer. They didn’t even know how to use the telephone to call a cab. That was just the beginning. I cannot even begin to explain the support I’ve received from both my mom and dad. I have but to meditate for just a moment and tears well up in my eyes. They have made everything possible. It is only right that I leave a worthy legacy behind to honor their efforts on my behalf.

Because of the love of my ancestors, I breathe. Because I breathe, I have life. Because I have life, I have capability. Because I have capability, I AM ENOUGH. 

I have a blog. I have a platform to reach those in my community. I have more free time this term. I have better health because I have had the privelege of being made aware of holistic forms of healing that maybe others don’t know about or haven’t yet tried because they don’t know where to start. MY EXPERIENCE is what I have to offer. My ability to amass information and disseminate it in cohesive ways is what I have to offer. My time, my energy, and my heart are what I have to offer. My desire to help is what I have to offer. When the fuck did I decide that that wasn’t enough? Or that that couldn’t be the mission yet? HOooooooly shit. How much time have I wasted in my silly head?!

Somewhere along the line, I got it into my head that service could be depleting. I had learned that life can be cutthroat, and one has to compete in order to come out on top. I was too busy to see anyone else struggling. But I was given grace, even when I least deserved it. And what I am starting to see evidence of, is that it is in giving that we receive. And it is in lifting others that we all rise. Service is the very thing that has brought me back to life and has me feeling so energetic and healthy once again! It’s almost midnight and I have been fervently typing now for some hours!!

So…. here is the culmination of all of this- the flash of an idea that I intend to birth and RAISE into at least a small toddler. 😂 My hope is that once it can breathe on its own, it will take on the life it wants to have. Because when you live aligned with mission, there is a humility that envelops you. You realize that you could never hope to create something as amazing as what the universe will bring through you. But you better not plan on standing in the damn way either. Perhaps I will be asked to let it go, for it was never mine, it was only simply asked of me to carry it through to form.

I am going to call it, “SPOTLIGHT.” 

I had a similar idea a while ago when the sacred feminine energy began strongly rising, but I never fleshed out the idea. At that time, I wanted to feature different badass entrepreneurial and otherwise empowered women in a series of live interviews. That never ended up happening due to time constraints and lack of discipline/momentum. At this point, I know so many different healers that I could be busy for probably the next entire 2019 year. I know that for this particular project, I want this to be an inclusive list. Men, women, and everything inbetween. All that is required is heart centered living in service to the highest good. 🙏 But that means the sacred feminine rising idea can absolutely be incorporated into this bigger, more all-encompassing project!

You see, no one can excel at what YOU do best. Abraham Hicks says it best - there is no competition for those aligned with Source. The particular HEALING someone needs will best be served by a PARTICULAR healer. It has less to do with a reflection of skill, although, sometimes….. that is a point of contention. But that is why I believe this project is such a needed presence! I WISH TO GOD I had a reliable, valid database of amazing healers and providers, where I could sift through and get to know what they do, and feel the HEART of their mission, before selecting who to work with. Not combing through impersonal lists from insurance recommendations (which don’t even cover a lot of these more energy-based services), or oftentimes overly modest website pages from providers who are too shy to fully plug themselves in the way that they deserve…. NO. I want to hear the person’s story and watch their eyes as they speak about what brought them to their mission work. I want FREE EDUCATION for everyone from those who know the modalities best!!! 

SO. 

My idea is, I want to go and INTERVIEW and do a “spotlight” on a different healer every week. I want to become a trusted, reliable, go-to resource for people to come to when they need to seek someone to assist on their wellness journey. 

This is my pledge to begin this project by announcing it, and therefore, making myself accountable to all of you before my mind has the chance to pick things apart and procrastinate over all the minutiae of how I’m going to achieve this or get it done. Maybe some people will read this and be motivated to HELP ME achieve this mission because it aligns with their mission- and we can all benefit! I HAVE NO IDEA how this will go, but this is how it will start. This is the year of action and figuring shit out as I go! Woohoo! No perfectionist bullshit allowed.

IF you are a HEALER, and you would like to be featured on my blog for the work that you do, PLEASE reach out and contact me! I would love to hear from you, to find out more about what you do and the services that you offer, and how they can benefit all the people I love and care about that are connected to my community of readers. 

I already have a running list in my head of humans that I absolutely want to feature, and so you can expect to be hearing from me in the very near future if you have been a part of my healing journey at any point! Which is A LOT OF HUMANS. 

I can think of no better way to honor all those who have perfected their crafts, given of themselves in these highest of ways, and I am hoping that I can bring this to life in the way that the universe is asking of me and in the way that it deserves to be done.

ANY AND ALL COLLABORATIVE IDEAS ARE WELCOME!!! What healing modalities would you like to see featured??? People who have the following skills and would like to help me achieve this vision of a healer database local to CT and NY, GET AT ME: video blogging, camera equipment skills, website design, creative thinkers, people with experience doing interviews…. people with writing experience.

May all resources be mobilized for the highest good of all. 

In SERVICE and endless gratitude,

The Wizard 🙏🧙‍♂️✨