#something about the perspective REALLY bugs me but idk what

[nekrophoria]

ẃ̴̛̜͒̍̇̓͑͘h̶̦̝̣̘̠̯͎̽̀̓̓̇̀̇̚͝ḯ̷̝̠̳̊͋̓ṭ̷̢̧̠̝̲̇̌͐͋͝͝ę̸̢͍͚͈̽͜ ̷̳̅n̵̲͖̝̯̄͗̅̓͋ơ̵̧̥͍̮͈͔̄̒͋ị̵̧͚͚͙̫͇̞̳̃̈́̈̓͊̈́s̷̬̺̈́̒̊͐̈̄̆͆͗͘e̴̺̦̳͍͔̋̎̈́̌ ̴̱̺͖́w̵̡̮̳̰̼̙̃͛̂͂͌̚h̶̥̙̜̘̘̫͉̦͋̿̅̂̈́̕i̸̛̤͉̘͙͚͖͓̰͓͌̾̓͋̆͘t̷̢͔̠̖͔̗̩̃̄̉́̇̔̚̕ë̸͇̣̭̥̲́̔̓̓́̅̕̚ ̵̛̖̦͚͍̟̬́ĥ̶͇̟͋̋̌͒͒ē̴̛̯̗͈̤̪͕̈͗̓͜a̸̲̝̓̓͊̋̑̕t̶̰̺͖͇̙̽̇̆

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

I admire your patience with those readers who need you to spoon feed them the story. Everything is in the comics but they still manage to go pass it. I can't help but feel a bit sad for them? Do they not understand what they read? Are they not attentive when reading it? I'm legitimately concerned because I function so differently I can't fathom this. If you like a story, isn't it normal to make your best to grasp it's essence and reflect on it? I know I project a lot about this, everyone works and registers things differentely of course but sometimes it's very frustrating to see people consume any media and just completely miss all the important messages in it, or even just fail to get the scenario sometimes, and it feels like it's very common now... Idk I just wanted maybe to have your perspective on this? Sorry for the long post (Been here for a few years now and your a true inspiration to me. All my luv to you! ❤️)

You know, I'm gonna be honest. I used to stress out about this... a LOT.

As a story-brained person, this is definitely something that comes naturally to me, and perhaps to you, and to many other people who are wired similarly. To us, following the path of a story in an analytic, highly detail-motivated manner and unwrapping the themes can be as exciting as lifting up a rock to see the bugs underneath. It's an exciting mental activity that's stimulating and feels effortless.

And yes, as an author who spends literally 60% of my day thinking about this comic and how to draw it, panel it, script it, make it better (I script and panel in my head constantly)........ I have trouble realizing/dealing with the fact that some people are just here to CASUALLY enjoy the story that I am lowkey obsessed with.

But I've come to realize that... that's NORMAL! And healthy.

People have different attention spans for different things.

People have varied ways to read a story and engage with it.

People have unique interests.

People don't have the same amounts of energy to devote to reading!

Maybe someone missed a detail I lovingly and painstakingly put into the dialogue because they're reading the update late at night after a long shift at work. And maybe someone scrolled past the dialogue completely and just got the gist from looking at the art, because they're in a hurry to get to practice at their favorite sportsball.

And maybe someone just had a really bad day with a really bad encounter, and they're reading the update in a terrible mood and instead of seeing MY grey-morality narrative, they're focusing on all the negative points and misread the vibes because of their own biases that stem from places of hurt.

The thing is, I have to be okay with that as an author, because I will NEVER be able to get into my audience's heads and read this comic 'correctly' for my own sake.

They will always have a slightly different interpretation of things, and they will always misunderstand details and miss clues. And sometimes, they will be wrong about the way they read a character's motivations... and sometimes maybe they won't be! That's just a part of communication. That's a part of telling a story.

An imperfect delivery, and an imperfect reception should, in my opinion, be a natural and accepted part of storytelling. We're human, and we all have a different lived experience, and we will ALL have different takes on a comic, even if it's so close that we THINK we are both getting the exact same thing. That small human interpretation variation is a home-made touch that makes it feel more organic.

In short.... Not all light particles make it here from the sun, but damn the result is stunning anyway.

[orbleglorb]

hey not to start shit this long after blaseball ended. but im still pissed at how tgb treated its fans, especially the creatives.

there's the entire blaseball tcg thing. which isn't strictly tgb, a different game studio made it, but it really highlighted how tgb treated the fan creations as their own. they said "we just gave them summaries like 'nagomi mcdaniel is a japanese woman with a claw arm' so they're not copying from an artist" but like... that version of nagomi mcdaniel was MADE by the fanbase. NOT tgb. someone pitched the idea of nagomi being a japanese woman, and someone pitched the idea of crabs players carcinizing, and someone pitched the idea of nagomi having a claw arm. and all of those people were fans.

and, this is a much smaller gripe, but like, TGB has always relied on word of mouth to get people interested in blaseball. so like. those "stretch goals" at the beginning of fall ball relied on word of mouth. and they were pretty ambitious! considering how little marketing they have (from my perspective, anyway), a lot of that pressure was put on fans. so like. of course we only hit one of those goals. lmao.

and the "final goodbye" concert just really pisses me off. they couldn't even be assed to make anything as a proper farewell! they used FAN-MADE MATERIAL in their OFFICIAL goodbye party. fan-made material. they didn't consult the creators before using it. idk how all garages members felt about it, but i know some were pissed. because tgb is using something they made to give a sendoff instead of putting any fucking amount of effort into a goodbye. like, no final entity appearance? you couldn't have binky say goodbye? YOU COULDN'T HAVE PARKER TWEET GOODBYE? just rting the game band's announcement? that's lazy as fuck and a huge fuck you to the fans that made blaseball what it is, because it IS the fans that made blaseball what it is. fans made the lore. fans made the wiki. fans created plotlines like the shelled one. fans took site bugs and glitches and made them into huge events through the sheer power of storytelling and passion. fans have poured so much time into this game. developing strategies, loring players, loring TEAMS, setting up whole separate websites just to help newcomers and store info (including but not limited to the wiki and houstonspies.cyou), moderating and paying for those websites, analyzing stats, delving into fk, writing fanfiction, drawing fanart, donating money, roleplaying on twitter, REVIVING SALMON MODERATING SOFTWARE TO TRACK ILB WEATHER PATTERNS, writing research papers, writing songs, creating discord bots, AND MORE. fans have been the backbone of the blaseball community. and to not do anything to honor these people besides just using their own creation as a last-minute goodbye party? fucking pathetic.

tgb has just been so fucking terrible towards its fans. i'd go as far as to say that some creatives got taken advantage of. i love blaseball and i am forever grateful for this experience. i also wish tgb didn't fucking throw it away one afternoon. they announced blaseball was ending, shut down the server for the weekend, then re-opened it to have a pitiful goodbye party of fan-made material (that the keepers put on for us) that they used without permission. like how the fuck are we supposed to feel appreciated in any way? again, would it have fucking killed them to have parker tweet on his own? they say it was a long and hard decision but it really just feels like they decided they were done with blaseball and never wanted to touch it again, and it feels like nothing but a huge "FUCK YOU" to all of the fans that cared.

[innitmarvellous]

So I read some books about aro & ace identities recently, because while I am quite sure that I'm ace and probably even aroace, I'm still struggling a lot with the ramifications of this discovery about myself, even though I first noticed this about myself a few years ago.

That's why I tried to make myself feel better by reading these books in the hope that it might be helpful in any way...and that's also why I took some notes about things that always bugged me in some way, both while reading the books and before that. (I'm not done with the books, but I already noticed enough recurring issues for a whole post.)

First, I really would like to feel at least sort of good about it. It doesn't have to be pride, just some sense of it being alright. I know that's not a prerequisite, but I don't want to feel unhappy and uneasy all the time just because of my identity :/

And there are some things I like about it. For example, having found a name and explanation for whatever is going on with me was undoubtedly nice, and I like the fact that the community seems to be very open to people identifying as ace or aro no matter where they exactly are on the spectrum. Well, there are always the exclusionists, but that's technically the consensus and I like that.

Still, there is this unpleasant feeling that doesn't seem to go away. The fact that there is something I will never understand and never experience - despite desperately wanting to. I guess that is the problem if something just isn't there, and that's just so hard to accept. Like, other people also might struggle with their orientation, but at least they do have the option to find someone who feels the same and will enter a relationship with them - while this is entirely impossible for me. And I think that's where I struggle the most, honestly. Knowing that there is no way to get the thing I want with my logical mind, because my feelings won't allow me to - and thus people on the outside won't consider me as 'relationship material' in any form since I'm lacking something crucial. And yes, I entirely understand that this would make people avoid me when it comes to relationships. After all I could never give them the thing they would expect from a relationship and it would be unfair towards them if I entered a relationship while being unable to do so. But it really doesn't make it hurt any less, and it definitely doesn't make me feel good about myself. There is something missing about me, that's just an undeniable fact and it reduces my worth in the eyes of others. Is that fair? Maybe not - I can't say, as I can't see things from their perspective - but it just is how things are. But it is very, very hard to accept.

Oh, and there is another thing that keeps being mentioned: namely that relationships without sex or of course also even fully platonic relationships are possible. But honestly? That doesn't really comfort me at all :') Because...I wasn't even nice and attractive (in both a physical and personality sense) - and whatever else - enough for a "normal" relationship, so it feels downright illusory to tell myself that someone will accept me despite my "defects" (if that's what I'll call them in this context, since that would be an allo person's view in most cases, I assume) and agree to have whatever kind of deeper relationship with me. That sounds like such a nice dream, and yet that's all it is and will remain: a dream. It's simply impossible, and that just feels bad. Because I would want to have closer connections to people, but I can't. Idk, but that is a bit cruel, especially as it isn't exactly my fault because of a choice I made.

I also feel kind of uncomfortable identifying myself as queer or part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'd like to, but idk, I fear I wouldn't really be welcome in most queer spaces since I used to think I was heterosexual before I came across the terms ace and aro. Also, I was never oppressed due to my identity and had technically no trouble to pass as more or less some kind of straight allo late bloomer, so idk... And well, I see why my constant talking about some fictional/celeb mancrush I've got might make people think that I'm a liar and just pretend to be aro or ace for attention or other reasons. In fact, the exact same thing happened to me when a guy fell in love with me and I was forced to tell him about probably being ace. He didn't believe it because "I was always crushing on anime guys" and basically accused me of deliberately leading him on and it wasn't pleasant :/ (But I can't help it...I mean, a celeb crush doesn't require me to act on anything! I just find a guy attractive in whatever shape or form and it makes me happy to have my silly little daydreams about him and whatever. But it doesn't necessarily mean I graphically dream of fucking him, despite what I might jokingly say.) Anyway, I think it would be useful if I could confidently use the term queer for myself because idk, it would make things easier. As in, I'm definitely not "normal" aka not the standard straight cis person I once believed to be, but yeah...I still doubt that I would be allowed to call myself queer. I'm too different to be considered normal and too normal to be considered queer, I guess. So I'm sure people wouldn't be too happy about me pushing into their communities. Falling between the chairs again :')

Maybe all of my doubts and all that stuff...it's not so surprising, though. I mean, I kind of assume that most people wouldn't be too happy at the prospect of lifelong solitude and loneliness, without any chance to form deeper bonds with other people. Or maybe it's just me, who knows. It definitely scares the hell out of me and I hate it so, so much. And well, that makes it so difficult to make peace with this annoying sexual/romantic orientation of mine. (I would change it if I could...but alas we all know that's impossible.) I don't know what I exactly expected, but I surely didn't sign up to a rather sad lonely life of unhappiness and yet that is exactly what I will get :/ Another thing that is very hard to accept, and I genuinely wonder how other people managed to deal with that... I know accepting it and facing that truth is the only possible way, but yeah...I still can't bring myself to feel good about this. I mean, I've been lonely for my entire life, so I don't know...maybe I just hoped this would change at some point in the future and finding out that this will never happen now is kind of soul-crushing, honestly.

Lastly, I know that this is mostly a lengthy and overly personal rant post, so maybe no one has even read until here. But if someone did and feels like commenting, then I would really appreciate that, because...I still don't really feel fully enlightened on how I'm supposed to feel now. Maybe talking to actual people would help, but who knows. Again, I'd appreciate it if anyone wants to share their thoughts (my DMs are also open btw), although I'm aware that a random Tumblr post probably isn't the best way to solve my problem. ^^

[evillillad]

Can we maybe get some character sheets for your ocs and id like to write about them!!

👉👈

AAAHH i really wanna do updated character sheets WITH personality and lore i just aint got time rn!! BUT thank you for being interested!! 😭😭

to make up for the lake of sheets, heres some facts and lore typed out lol

Molly: (based on persona) secret demon being attached to Nina

Mollys kind of a strange case. Not quite puppet not quite...other creatures. She popped into existence around the time nina was born, hence the shared birthday. Shes a bit scatter brained, very easily distracted but once she has her mind set on something, nothing can get in her war. She's quite inquisitive and is constantly asking questions. Her first day in the neighborhood was basically asking every neighbor she met the most wild and intrusive questions she had. Little to no filter, says exactly whats on her mind. Doesnt understand why that makes some people so uncomfortable. Isnt it good to be curious? To tell the truth? To be honest? Man these creatures are strange. Also doesnt have any boundaries, is an absolute open book and for some reason is suprised when not everyone else is too. Think of her almost like a more unhinged wally, very naive to the ways of the waking world, but well verse in the night time activities. frequently takes long walks alone in the middle of the night. she sees them. she knows them. she keeps them away. some have gotten a bit too close to the neighborhood for comfort, is it because of her? do they know shes one of them, if not atleast similar? shes suspicious wally knows whats going on, its not normal for these beings to be here, but what draws them in?

^ongoing plot line of Molly spying on Wally constantly. A bit obsessive with him-she cant tell WHAT he is but she knows he isnt like the other neighbors but hes also not like her. Constantly pushing and manipulating him to break, but he seems either annoyed or oblivious to her attempts. otherwise, general nuisance to Wally, Frank (eats his bugs), Eddie (stares at him thru the post office window), Poppy (constantly getting herself into trouble) and Nina (personal demon).

Also maybe kills the nighttime creatures?? it seems like shes protecting the neighborhood from an outsiders perspective but those that REALLY know her know its territorial...somehow isnt intimidated by home tho. maybe shes trying to work with home? two demon things band together?? idk lmao

clumsy but also graceful? very bendy. no bones...crawls around like a creep sometimes.

Nina: (self insert oc) regular spider gal with a knack for art

Ninas quite normal actually. She was raised by a normal family within normal circumstances, but found herself with the strangest imaginary friend. She was never quite sure why one day everyone was suddenly able to see Molly but shes glad she finally isnt crazy. Now she cant get rid of the annoying asshole. Stuck with this annoying ass demon puppet thing, Nina moves to the neighborhood to get a new start on independence. With her new home, Nina spends most of her days painting, sewing, crocheting, and sculpting. Of course she always has her music going on, its never quiet in the house. Wally spends lots of time with her, they will frequently setup figure drawing sessions where their fellow neighbors will pose for them. Howdy seemed more than happy to constantly volunteer, maybe a tad bit overzealous to show off his muscles. Nina was more than excited to have such an interesting subject to create art of, although with Wally by her side, he always seemed to end up drawing an apple. There wasn't even an apple in the set. Nina doesnt care, shes just happy to have her little darling with her!

Despite being easily excitable and down to earth, shes actually quite timid and easily flustered. Howdys first few advancements had Nina trying to come up with some sort of lie so she could hurriedly get out of the bugdega and hide her beet red face. After this its just the rom com do they like me pinning i love so much lol

Unlike the other neighbors, she is somewhat aware of what goes bump in the night. Shes not sure what exactly it is, but she knows its dangerous...and she knows Molly has too much fun dealing with it. Despite Mollys homicidal tendecies, Nina is NOT scared of her. Shes aware of the fact that without her, Molly wouldnt have a host to stay alive. She cant do anything to harm her and even if she did, Ninas not afraid to grab her by the tail and launch her into the sun (Molly is actually somewhat intimidated by Nina, so she shows some level of obedience).

and thats it for those two!! I also would like to add that I wanna work on an oc of my dog and make goofy content of him and barnaby being like dude tf are u doing. also i know i have other ocs but either they arent quite fleshed out (lilith, betty, batsy), they arent technically mine (tilly and mitzy), or im just really tired and its late rn.

but if u got this far wow ermgee thanks for reading my late night rambles im dying

TLDR: Mollys homicidal, stupid, cant read a room, and is a demon. Ninas just a timid, excitable, down to earth, artsy spider with a weird demon imaginary friend that came to life.

[verosvault]

Fantasy High Junior Year Trailer Screenshots & Theories & Random-ness (Pt. 6)

This theory post is just gonna be random cause it's the remaining screenshots I have and Idk what to do with them...🤷‍♀️

I'll probably do like a transcription of the trailer later? Cause it be late and like try to break down what's being said in the trailer? Even though it most likely won't help at all but...🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I also wanna do a countdown until episode 1!!! ;3333

I wanna post some of my favorite maybe...Fantasy High Clips? Or something... I'll think of something fun to do or something probably! ;3

Adaine is Down! 😭😱

Fig is standing.

Something is on the left and right sides. I can't tell what it is. I also can't tell whatever it is that they seem to be standing on! 🥴🥴🥴🥴 [EDIT: They MIGHT be standing on some sort of vehicle! MAYBE the Hangvan???]

What's bugging me about this shot is it seems to be taken from the perspective of inside something? Is someone spying on them? Is this the perspective of a monster's mouth coming at Fig? Is this the perspective of someone opening their eyes and seeing Fig and Adaine there?

WHY is it FURRY around the LENS and SHAPED like THAT?! HUH BRENNAN?! WHY?! What am I LOOKING at here! Care to EXPLAIN yourself?! 😭😭✋✋ What are you DOING?! 😭✋

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WHAT KINDA MONSTERS ARE- 👁️👄👁️

THese look freaking MESSED UP FR!

I feel like that big claw hand mouth thing was Brennan being like "I can do something 10 TIMES WORSE than MIMICS!" 😭✋ And Rick Perry said "-and I'll make it look like a CREEPY NIGHTMARE!" 😭✋

The red monster on the bottom left looks like he has something inside of his chest! Kinda reminds me of that Killian dude or whatever his name was in Sophomore Year where he had the gem plunged into his chest. 🥴 Do I know if that's at all related? Not in the SLIGHTEST! 🥴

And what in the WORLD is that BOTTOM RIGHT monster that looks like an upside down banana peel with ugly teeth and red eyeballs?! 😭😭✋✋ Nah FAM! Get that AWAY from me SO FAST RN! 😭✋

Brennan had NO RIGHT to call Ricky Perry NARSTY during Burrow's End if he's literally making Rick build minis like THIS! 😭😭✋✋ Like WHAT?! 😭✋

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So... there's 2 dragons???? The one on the top has 2 heads and breathes what I can ONLY ASSUME to be FIRE!

And then we have the shot of this BLUE dragon breathing LIGHTNING with 1 head and it's near a wooden pirate ship! 🥴🥴

Idk if these are flashbacks or NOT! But either way! There seems to be quite a few dragons in this one! 🥴🥴🥴🥴

Kalvaxus definitely ain't the only one! 🥴🥴✋✋

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More art of the Bad Kids from the trailer! They appear to be on top of a ton of...red skulls! 😃✋

That's definitely extremely reassuring! 😃👏🤪✌️

ALSO...WHY DOES FIG LOOK LIKE SHE'S HOLDING ONTO A STEERING WHEEL?! ARE THEY IN A CAR?! IS THIS A WINDSHIELD VIEW OF THE BAD KIDS RN?! IS FIG DRIVING THE BAD KIDS AGAIN?! WHAT 👏 IS 👏 GOING 👏 ON?! 👏

😱😱😱😱 ARE THE RED SKULLS THE DECORATIONS ON THE FRONT OF THE CAR THAT THEY'RE IN?!! 😱😱😱😱 DIDN'T JOHNNY SPELLS CAR HAVE SKULLS OR A SKULL ON IT?!

Bruh- I'M SO CONFUSED!!! 😭😭✋✋ HELP!!! 😭😭✋✋ [EDIT! This seems to be art from Episode 4 of Fantasy High S1! "Rumble Road"!]

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Getting to some of the nice cute stuff! :3

Who is that hot pink girl?! [EDIT: IT'S FIG!!!]

Who is that seemingly older woman at the bottom right?! [EDIT!! IT'S KRISTEN!! ALL THEIR HAIR COLORS ARE WHITE HERE!!]

I see Adaine..Riz...and... I'm ASSUMING that's Gorgug on the bottom left??? IDK! IDK! 😭✋ I'm doubting myself SO MUCH RN! 😭✋

EIther way! This part was cute! 😭✋

I LOVED this shot from the trailer so...:3...Here it is! Not really a theory but...🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Nice art though! ;3 :3

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Yes. I'm ending the theory posts here...FOR NOW!!! FOR NOWWWW!!! 💀✋

Brennan putting his feet up in the air for WHO EVEN KNOWS WHY! 💀💀✋✋

It's MOST LIKELY from an Adventuring Party maybe! 💀✋

Trying to show the audience that he has legs??! 💀✋😂

Idk fam 😂💀

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SIKE! I'M ACTUALLY ENDING THIS BLOG WITH THIS PICTURE OF BRENNAN!!! CAUSE... YEAH!! GORGUG ROLLED A 4 ON SOME CHECK AND BRENNAN MADE THAT FACIAL EXPRESSION!! SO...WHO EVEN KNOWS HONESTLY!!! 😭✋

I'm SO DONE!! 😭😭✋✋

AAA!! I WANT EPISODE 1 RN SO BADLY!!! 😭😭😭✋✋✋

[aromantic-diaries]

IDK if this is an unpopular take, and idk if its because I just have a lot of bad experiences with allo-norms and has constantly see how it hurts friendships and devalues them, but I'd love aro/ace's POV on this: I feel it would be more useful to label relationships by boundaries rather than a binary of romantic vs platonic. Friends can live together, raise kids together, have sex. Doesn’t mean they have romantic attraction necessarily. (And when romantic attraction is described as just a "stronger" form of platonic attraction like 99% of the time, it’s not helpful either - it bugs me when people say stuff like 'romance/sex is just an intimate friendship' which no. it really isn't IMO.) Categorizing feelings is difficult but people have to be so obsessed with “am I in love” they can’t focus instead on “what do I want my future with this person to be like” It should be more common for people outside of aro/ace spaces or even queer spaces to challenge traditional ideas of romantic vs platonic relationships even.

People really only hurt themselves and perpetuate toxic ideals by limiting themselves like that.

Like I’ve seen people be like “I cherish and value this friend above all else but I’m not attracted to them” and I want to shake them and be like “you don’t have to belittle your friendships because of allonormativity!!! You can value a friend that way!!! It’s ok!!!!”

But some people would tell them “you’re just in denial of your romantic feelings” and I want to shake them up too.

I could go into how romance/allonormativity is toxic in itself too but I don't wanna ramble too much; I guess I just have a lot of frustrations with allo-ism as a normalised concept and how, I feel it can be more toxic then not but I don't want to let my own bad experiences with it bring down others. This isn't to say ace/aro ppl are superior of course, like i said i think relationships should be determined by boundaries rather then binary.

This is a really interesting take and I actually agree with you on this. The idea that romance is the absolute highest form of love is restrictive for alloromantic people just as much as it is for aros.

I don't believe in the relationship hierarchy, especially when it's based on the type of love you feel for someone rather than yknow, trust, the level of intimacy or how strong your bond is. The type of love shouldn't be what determines how close you are with someone and placing romance above everything and putting up a border for when it's no longer "just friends" and is now romance is bullshit from both straight and queer perspectives. I personally hate the idea that two friends can't possibly be close without it crossing into the romance territory cause it's such a narrow view of how relationships work. Me and my best friend for example are very close, to the point where we consider ourselves to be like brothers and we have no romantic feelings for eachother, yet people still kind of assume we Must be "more than friends". As for stuff like friends with benefits, it shouldn't be so outlandish to consider that friends might have sex and still be friends without entering a romantic relationships. Especially in the queer community where sleeping with friends is considered pretty commonplace.

All in all, yeah, this is something to think about. It's kind of mind poisoning to view relationships as forming a hierarchy and it shouldn't be an aro-exclusive thing to deconstruct that idea

[suffarustuffaru]

I love your otto brainrot. He's favorite person to gush about in this series. I also love your analysis about one of the latest chapters and regarding Otto! ust, chef's kiss.

Anyhow, I would also like to add a crack theory about why otto never talked about his dp allowing him to talk to infants too. In this moment, it very much be because, as you said, he wants Spica to be eliminated. But! We're thinking small here. My question morphs into a more general perspective; why would Otto, and tappei to an extent, keep such information about his dp under wraps for this long, way before these Spica shenanigans? And I feel like the author may want to expand on that regard. Because as far as the rest of the crew knows (and as far as I remember), they know he can only talk to animals. But that chapter states he can talk to any living being (?), which I think may hint to it being a bigger fucking deal than we may realize. Like outside the Louis development, as well as Otto's frustration development, this power in of itself can cause a ripple of what Otto's capabilities are, and to not underestimate it.

So, now I wonder, would tappei utilize this tidbit for more development about Otto's power? What do you think?

aa thank you for liking my otto stuff!! i adore him a lot and arc 8 has me even more fixated on him bc his development is so Fascinating.... and also my fictional character type has always been the weird fucked up ones with terrible morals HAH.

OK ALSO LIKE i love your crack theory to bits. i think like the idea of his capabilities being A Little More Massive than they already are hasnt really occurred to me if only bc 1. i have like one braincell at a time and 2. ottos unhinged anger and various ugly habits (ie: doing things behind his friends backs HAH) were smth i was distracted by (positive) bc its so fascinating and now Finally everyone reading rezero knows hes crazy For Sure and 3. i think like. idk ive always kind of thought that his power is like super crazy like once you think about it. like iirc theres the canonical fact that other people in the fantasy world whove had ottos dp have gone like insane from it, so hes Basically the outlier here. and also hes insane anyway but his dp absolutely has partly to do with it. not only bc it like affects so much of his life with the constant overstimulation he experienced for a big chunk of his childhood along with the other effects it had with how he was behind his peers for a while and it made him socially awkward and anxious - but also like.

animals Are insane. a lot. genuinely. and then you have a power that allows you to understand them and hear their voices all the time. (more under read more bc its Long.)

theres so many fucked up animal facts out there HAH so i suppose that could just take like a couple google searches (god.... if oceans were in the fantasy world otto might go a little insane with all those sea creatures if he ever came close...) but i always feel like ottos learned at least a bit of his ruthlessness from that. and hes Definitely seen and heard shit (dont forget stuff like livestock ahah T^TT or bug infestations or something aljsdfls or the fact that otto would probably be seeing animal friends eat other animal friends or before he even knew he had his dp he could be eating some cattle he had a convo with like twenty minutes ago and ALSO garf and fred have their meat pie recipe that they adore and its like. that meat came from an animal and otto has most likely seen them make their meat pie before). but like nature is nature. its not always. Nice. survival of the fittest and things just die sometimes (ottos made various animal friends throughout his life and Many animals have smaller lifespans than him as well + some, such as bugs, are more fragile than him) and animals take actions according to their Nature (even if its. Bad, by human moral standards.) and all that - so i think the double whammy of ottos dp and him taking on merchant ideals is very much partly why hes so insane fr HAH.

I WENT A LITTLE OFF TOPIC BUT no yeah i agree. and i just think his dp has always been such a huge factor in what makes him so dangerous - its not only helped mold him into who he is as a person (especially when you remember that the rest of his family are Normal People and he Very Much Is Not Normal) but also like you said. his dp makes him extremely dangerous especially with the new information that he understands babies. iirc otto didnt Necessarily keep that bit of info under wraps - at least not before he met the emilia camp, bc the text said something about how hed take on side jobs where he babysat infants and hed be good at it bc he can understand the intent behind their wordless "words". and i definitely think otto - and tappei - havent really said anything on his ability to talk to infants before this bc it just hasnt come up in much relevant context until now. BUT I ALSO THINK YOU HAVE A POINT bc this does open like. a bit of a can of worms. theres these 2019 tappei qnas where he talks a bit about otto understanding "intent" -

Q: Is Otto's Blessing of the Spirit of Words limited to sounds that the speaker understands? Can he translate something Subaru wrote down in Japanese, or something that someone reads out loud phonetically without understanding it's meaning?

A: He can't. It's a blessing that conveys the intent of the other person's words, so if you said something like "Honbaradaratodetta", it wouldn't mean anything. It's just that, if Subaru had been saying "Honbaradaratodetta" for years to mean "What's for dinner?", it would convey that.

Q: About the "Blessing of the Spirit of Words" that Otto has, in cases where the same word can contain different meanings, can he discern the difference? (The English word 'servant' and a servant from Fate, etc.)

A: It's not the letters, but the speaker's intent that he picks up, so he could tell the difference.

--

but no yeah like........ ottos dp is specifically about Animals and well. humans and demihumans ARE animals. so it makes sense that it carries into humans and demihumans a bit so the whole catching someones intent thing is super fascinating and i feel like he could Definitely utilize it for more of his schemes?? esp when you combine that with the usual ways he uses his dp with animals - his power is Perfect for spying on others and gathering info in general. from my understanding of his power though, animals have to agree to help him, but given he can communicate with them and hes. well hes a good talker and also a bit of a manipulative bitch (affectionate) so like getting animals to help him doesnt seem like too much of an issue usually for him. so no but yeah his power is like. Off the Charts. and now we got big confirmation in the main story that he can UNDERSTAND PEOPLES INTENT BEHIND THEIR WORDS....? no yeah i think tappei will at least utilize it for the louis-spica plot things (ie otto wants her dead so hes just not gonna say anything about how he knows her true intent isnt to actually hurt anyone).

but i feel like otto could possibly use it for plans... or accidentally catch tidbits of info he shouldnt. im not entirely sure how, but. well. roswaal still hasnt delivered on his promise to kill everyone if even one person subaru cares about dies and Now roswaal knows that 1. otto plans to continue opposing subaru and emilia and keep pulling strings and 2. subaru wants louis to stay alive because he cares about her. it seems like massive emilia camp inner conflict is bound to happen at some point hah... the current situation is a ticking time bomb T^T and thats ON TOP of otto still working on restoring the book of wisdom... it all makes me wonder if otto will overhear a convo he shouldnt and catch the true underlying intent to otherwise innocent dialogue. or something like that.... or if louis's intent fluctuates in some way which otto will be Very aware of. if that happens. or if someone else somehow figures out ottos hiding the fact that he knows louis is innocent via his dp alsdjflsjdf. or maybe roswaal hints at his genocide plan and otto figures out the intent???? everyone is at a stalemate atm fr and im fascinated to see what comes next.

though. ok given otto went insane hearing the white whale..... well you could just fling mabeasts at him and maybe he'll shut up lajsdlfj bc using his dp (especially when overusing it gives him nosebleeds and headaches and pain and etc etc) against him is a Viable strategy to stop him among many others but like. the problem with otto is that hes persistent and Will hold a grudge against you if you wrong him. like i really do feel like he will hunt you down if you do which is the big Thing with otto. T^T hes unpredictable!!! especially now with arc 8 where hes been dragged through all these dangerous situations he did not sign up for and he just wants him and his friends to be safe but said friends want to save a whole country and NOW a sin archbishop alsdjflsjd.

like i really feel that hes so tired of things happening throughout his life out of control (remember his bad luck T^T and the way his dp used to fuck him over in his childhood? yeah T^T) that hes been trying to exert more and more control over his camp. bc like. vincent asking the emilia camp for help was nudged into that direction by otto. ottos also stepped a bit out of line by being hostile to julius and anastasia bc. otto that shit was unncessary aljsdlfjd theyre your camps allies!!!! and now ottos letting his camp be sus of louis by keeping quiet about her true intent. like otto is straight up like. hes kind of possessive of his camp isnt he? bc hes so fixated on making things go the way he wants (not that he wanted to help vollachia, but he wanted to help subaru and emilia which is why he pushed things in that direction, and now he wants to kill louis). it all makes me wonder if he'll ever have to use his dp against his camp given hes. kind of already doing that by lying to them - though itd probably be difficult to use his dp more actively against them if only bc they all already know what his dp is. theres no element of surprise there, but i think with the right circumstances he could possibly use it to figure out Something at least. bc like while he Does feel guilty, there is next to nothing stopping him from doing more shit on top of the shit hes been doing so far in arc 8 HAH. his moral compass is just literally broken and pointing straight down to hell. that mixed with his stubbornness and intellect and anger is like. well anyone going against otto is pretty fucked.

like. what is stopping him from sending a little bug to spy on subaru at all times. probably the fact that subaru and co. have a high chance of maybe noticing it and noticing that ottos keeping. too close of an eye on them. which would stop otto and his new declared "i walk in darkness" goal but all of this keeps making me wonder what lines otto WONT cross. and how far hes willing to go to do what he thinks is necessary to save his camp. and also what the consequences of his decisions will be.

but also like............................................... ok time for a crack theory of my own are you ready. anyway. can you imagine if ottos dp extended into fucking mind reading or something............ HAH.

[memoria-99]

Wizardess Heart: Personal thoughts about seasons and routes Part 1

S1 was very basic yet written very well.

Elias: At first I was like, what kind of jerk is this, but he turned out to be rather cute. But story is kinda boring. The first half is all about Elias yelling at MC and MC apologizing for how she messed up. Their relationship kinda lacks something. If it weren't for the mirror they'd never even get along I suppose. Another thing that annoyed me was MC being way too nosy. I mean why the heck would she accept Merculova's request 'for the academy's sake' when she even doesn't know whether she'd be accepted or not? Please MC mind your own business.

Luca: My favorite route in S1. I found him quite attractive, MC and him had fun chemistry, plot was interesting. There're two things that bother me though; first, he used MC, and second, I'm not so sure what was genuine and what was lie... Still, I quite enjoyed him and his story. I wonder why in the world Schuyler would lock the child in the cellar. Ofc the child would be traumatized. Anyway, I know Luca's not the likeable type for all people but still he's one of my favorites.

Yukiya: Overall good route. I was very curious about his 'curse' and this story was really interesting because everything was a mystery. I enjoyed it. Both MC and him were literally the saviors to ach other. I also liked the last part, MC solving the 'contract' issue with another contract. He's like a 'closed' person but his nature is kindest among S1 characters. I dunno about the chemistry though... Still, he makes a great pair with MC. Both gave a positive impact, more like both were saviors to each other. Oh and I won't forget that chubby rabbit either.

S2 was a decent season as well.

Klaus: Nice route, and I found "time travel" very interesting but I still don't like the guy. I just can't stand this Mr. Stickuphisass sadist. Though he's super popular(idk why) I don't see any chemistry between him and MC whatsoever. He has a sharp tongue and kinda looks down on her.

Randy: Think in MC's perspective: wouldn't it be wonderful if your role model truly respects you and loves you just as who you are? This relationship is good for him as well, since she accepts all of him and helps him overcome his trauma. This route had good plot twist, and he was literally an angel. The only one who sincerely respected MC's lousy magic. A real breath of healing air between two jerks in S2. This route was just so heartwarming to read.

Azusa: Should I even talk about this jerk? Fake flirt, deceived, used, and physically+emotionally abused MC. He was even ready to kill her when we chose the wrong answer. But he never properly apologized to her till the very end. He doesn't deserve the happy ending with the MC. ...Yet, I don't think this route itself isn't badly written. Seems like Solmare tried to make some awfully dark story but turned out to be too much.

S3 was, um... so so?

Joel: Kinda close to canon cuz he loved MC for a long time and shares special memories with young MC so... hmmm he and MC was a fine pair, him being honest and caring and all, but I should say that if Eress wasn't there to save the day it would've been rather boring.

Vincent: He's way too old to be with MC, and I don't understand how come he loves the MC and vice versa. All that happened were just him rescuing her all the time and he's awfully cringy somehow. And worst of all, MC was worse than useless. She literally did nothing in this route, even when her boyfriend was on the verge of the death. All she did was crying. And last but not least, the happy ending ends with him saying "it's adult time" or whatever and it bugs me a ton. Hey, what're you exactly gonna do to her. Don't tell me you...

Leon: Is it possible to fall in love in less than 2 weeks when he is in a completely blank state? Leon was literally a blank sheet of paper and his route was all about MC throwing all her business behind to stick around this boy she had just met and teach him very basic stuffs as if she's a kindergarten teacher. There's nothing really interesting about Leon himself either. I mean, his real identity was something that we all could notice before the revelation and that's all. The story and the romance were very bland too. He seemed to love MC because she taught him emotions, and... MC loved him because... because... why did she love him? Maybe because he loved her? Or because he's handsome? Who knows.

S4. When the plot actually started to go downfall.

Cerim: I don't remember anything besides MC shone better than him(she saved him) at this route. Not bad, but that's because nothing was very memorable. No chemistry at all.

Guy: This kind of route seems to be everywhere. Good boy with a huge friend-like vibe. Their chemistry was good, as friends. They are best friends.

S5. Slightly better than S4 but well...

Leslie: Kinda bland route. Leslie nicely supported MC, and she wasn't very pathetic but she was always busy self deprivating which annoyed me a lot. Chica did a good job putting her into senses.

Sigurd: The route with best "newbie" MC. She really shone a lot in this route. I can't think she's the same MC from Vincent or Leon's MC. And this Sigurd... though MC stole the scene most of the time, he wasn't so bad. Though he did deceive MC it wasn't because he wanted to use her or something. He never looked down on her and considering he was her pen pal their bond is quite strong too. Storyline was interesting too, considering nothing really happened in Leslie's route.

[eerna]

Hi! I was the one complaining about Bird Harrow. It's been bugging me enough I rewatched the first couple of episodes. From a writing perspective, they introduce the Soulfang Serpent! It's only purpose is to do a body-swap! This scene serves other purposes, so it could just be a prop, but the snake comes back later. It serves to show Viren is kinda cutthroat about his goals (theoretically condemning another person do die in place in Harrow) and Harrow is a Paladin (Boy Scout) about stuff.

It's pretty good characterization! It shows Viren really likes his plans, especially because they're His Plans (which kind of makes it weird later when he's just super down for Avaros' plans. I know it's spelled wrong but I'm not looking it up. Moving on). He's an egomaniac, and Harrow carries guilt over the events that happened, and sees his impending doom as an atonement, though is still planning to put up a fight because it's his duty. Great, good. Next Episode!

Viren's still got the snake! Argument ensues! it's the one they had last episode, to remind everyone of their dynamic.

Bird alights on shoulder! This was a deliberate choice! for a reason! You don't just set this up because it's Dramatic!

Viren appears, sans snake. So at this point, we have two options. Either the animators made a... not necessarily a continuity blunder, but a real interesting choice, OR it's missing for a reason. (I'm being heavy-handed with this but I'm annoyed at the wiki) Yadda yadda, the "Invincible" Moonshadow elves apparently narrowly succeed in their assassination attempt. Suggesting that if Harrow had actually been allowed to fight they probably would've been fine, actually.

But he doesn't Fight. He doesn't emerge from his quarters at all! Really weird for a dude unwilling to sacrifice people merely to save his own life! Gosh, something must have happened in there! But What could it be????

anyway, next episode.

awesome armor aunt is introduced.

AND THEN THIS SHOT.

Viren doesn't care about this bird. There's no reason to cage the bird. The bird does not appear to have a cage, prior to this. It's an incredibly distinctive element they spent a lot of work on that, as far as I can tell, does not appear again. And most importantly. They never show Harrow's Body. Which is kind of an odd choice, if he wasn't a bird. Since if he wasn't a bird, it would be a dramatic shot! Nevermind the Dramatic Fight he could have had with the assassin! If he was a bird, well, you'd probably not want to show the king fighting like a bird in a man's body just for the dignity of it, and also showing his corpse would muddle the VERY OBVIOUS IMAGERY YOU'VE SET UP TO THIS POINT THAT THE MAN IS GONNA GET BIRD'D! Deep Breath. At SDCC 2019 creator Justin Richmond said that Harrow was killed by the elven assassins. This enters the realm of speculation, but unless he's just outright lying (which is... boring) it would indicate to me that this idea was cut at some point after most of these shots were finished, and it would be too expensive to remake them. So... most of the connective tissue was left, kicked under the rug as best as they could, afforded little other choice. Because the alternative is that they're incredibly, fundamentally unskilled at visual storytelling, which frankly, seems wild. The show is very, deeply flawed, but they do consistently demonstrate proficiency in the shots chosen for other threads in this opening plot. So many choices are done carefully and deliberately, that to fumble this one Major thing? Seems nutty. And it's really disappointing because Ezran coming home and chatting with Dad Bird and unravelling Viren's plot is Way more compelling than anything else they actually did do in the show. Come to think of it, maybe it's when they decided to have Aravos as the/a big bad. idk. Viren's dealing with Asarov to seem mildly-to-fairly inconsistent with his characterization in these early scenes. and not in a way that demonstrates any kind of meaningful arc.

Rant over. Thanks for listening. I doubt we'll ever get a good answer to this.

This was a highly entertaining read, np! I felt the same way when I rewatched the beginning of the show dsnjkavkas. Those first few episodes are directed much better than the rest of the show, and you're right, it's so weird if they are really meaningless. There is also a shot at the end of the season showing the bird escaping the cage, and then we NEVER SEE IT AGAIN. It shows up again only in Viren's imagination in s5. SO WHAT WAS ALL THIS FOR HUH. But honestly the show LOVES to introduce concepts and then drop them, so I wouldn't even be surprised if they just did it for the vibes and making it seem like a Cool Mature Fantasy Thing where the villain keeps the dead hero's animal companion in a cage instead of any proper writing reason.

[factual-fantasy]

I got’s 25 asks, with FNAF lore? 👀

An important detail that I realize I left out was how Gregory got hurt. In one of the first drafts to this comic, Freddy was going to ask how he got hurt. And Gregory was going to truthfully clarify that he got these injuries by just being on the streets. Tripping in the dark, getting his hands caught in dumpsters doors.. etc.

And then he was going to reach his arm over his shoulder and comment that the bleeding wound on his shoulder was from scraping it on the top of the vent entrance when he broke into the Pizzaplex. This would then lead to Freddy feeling really bad and apologizing for asking him to leave and yadda yadda yadda.

While re-writing the draft I sorta.. accidentally left this part out. Which was my bad, this was something that Gregory should have clarified with Freddy. Buuuut I accidentally wrote it out of the story XD

As for if Gregory was hurt at “home”? Well.. he wasn’t this time, but who’s to say? Maybe that’s why he ran away to the Pizzaplex in the first place? 👀

In my AU, Sunny and Moony are the same person. No split personalities or anything. Just one animatronic, one personality, 2 nicknames. 

And since Foxy and Bonnie have met “Sunny”. they have also met “Moony”, they just didn’t get to see his other form.

In all honesty, this is the one thing in my AU that makes no sense what so ever. Realistically the animatronics wouldn’t be able to cry, that just makes no sense.

But I gave them the ability to cry so that I could draw them more expressively, and because tears are fun to draw--

I guess I could try and make it work. Maybe when they get “emotional” or overwhelmed their wires and circuits get hot. And mayyyybe their optics get brighter and hot, and they need water to cool them down..??

Idk, realistically there is no reason for them to cry and it makes no sense. But.. the emotion,✨ the expression,👌 I gots ta have it. XD

I am not fully sure why I feel this way, but the reason is that when other artists get fanart,, they seem to like it! And they’re all like “Oh my gosh thank you!! This is so sweet! I feel so awesome!!”

But then when I get fanart I get an anxiety spike and I just think “Wow.. so uhm.. you just stole my characters and drew them without asking huh?--” Even if someone asks me first my brain just goes, “ehh.. but they’re my characters.. I don’t want you to take em and use em..”

I dunno why its like that. And I’m trying to get better about it. But for now all fanarts just physically feel bad, like its theft or something.

Yes the purple eyes were intentional XD. All the animatronics had purple eyes related to the “bug”. Although Monty wasn’t the first to get it and he didn’t spread it to the others, his eyes were originally red. :0

In this story, no, Gregory is definitely not the first victim. And he probably wont be the last.. 

Sunny actually did intentionally isolate his “murdery” side, but of course he didn’t know that it was actually a “murdery” thing he was dealing with--

Here’s the thing, from Sunny’s perspective.. He started developing a problem with his Moon mode. When ever he went into it, he would forget everything he said and did by the time he went back to his Sunny mode. At first he didn’t really think it was that big of a deal...

But then kids started getting scared of him. And he realized he was going into his moon mode for longer and longer.. without remembering anything. So he tried going to an engineer and asking for help. They gave him a check up but couldn’t find anything wrong. “Okay” he thought, “I must be fine then..”

So that night he left the daycare to go visit DJ.. But then next thing you know, he’s waking up on the brightly lit dance floor, and DJ does not look happy.

DJ wouldn’t tell him, but he knew that he must’ve done something wrong. Something that unsettled the DJ. He knew right then that he had to get this fixed.

So he goes to an employee again, telling them something is wrong with his moon form. But again.. they tell him nothing is wrong and to go back to work.

This time though, Sunny doesn’t go back to work. He doesn't know what’s wrong with him. But after the kids started getting scared, and he upset the DJ, he decided that he’s just.. going to never use his moon mode until he knows its safe to.

..Its been a few months now, and Sunny has still not left the Daycare. DJ is getting really worried about his friend, But Sunny is doing the right thing, he’s protecting innocent children by locking himself away, and he doesn’t even really know it. He thinks he’s just preventing himself from scaring people and acting super weird. When it reality he’s saving lives.

In the past the animatronics were their true, organic selves on stage. And the employees kind’a thought it was a little creepy. How.. alive they seemed. Especially Foxy,,

But now a days the animatronics act a little less “sentient” during the day. Seeming to be a lot more normal and robot like.

I mean, they still seem crazy sentient compared to the STAFF bots, but they still feel kind’a robotic because they cant look sad or unexcited on the floor, They always gotta be happy! And fun! So they kind’a fall hard into their core programing and just follow the script.

Its at night though where their true sentience can be seen. Sunny/Moony always leaving the daycare and spending time with DJ in the Arcade. Even through they weren’t programmed to be friends.. or even know each other..

Chica always going into Freddy’s room to hang out, even though she is scheduled to stay in her room. The animatronics talking to each other, moving around more organically. Showing emotions and behaviors that they aren’t programmed to express. Anger, sadness, fear..

At this time of night though, none of the employees see them like this. In present times, the only ones who have witnessed their true selves, whether in person or on camera, is Gregory.. and Vanessa.

@definitelynot7ratsinabeecostume XD I would argue except for DJ. The only thing with him is that he’s worried about the Daycare attendant, and he gets kind’a lonely in the Arcade all by himself.. :’(

@randox-talore I haven’t actually fully thought out what playthrough Gregory did. And whether or not he took the others upgrades. But if he did, then yeah the employees would just remove the upgrades and reset Freddy again, thinking that it must have been the “Bug”..

@burningmusicfunnygiant Gregory has no intentions to at the moment, he’s still scared of them.. 😅

@sw124

THNSK YOU AN UT WELCOMEEEEHHHHAHHSHSH

It depends on what new content is in the DLC. If the DLC content fills in some holes and helps my AU have a stronger structure then I will, if not? I’ll probably just pretend it doesn’t exist XD

@shadowscrossing Awe, little Bibi bow!

(In reference to this post)

XD I tried to make it look that way. I was inspired by the way characters from Sky: Children of the Light, look.

@mister-jedblack If the other animatronics meet Gregory, it will be on accident most likely. Gregory has no intentions of meeting the animatronics, and Freddy has no intention of letting them find him.

Recently I’ve been thinking about getting into Amphibia, maybe there’s stuff I could “factualize” there? XD. Or maybe not. I can see myself just making the characters more biologically closer to frogs, but I think the show already does that--

@kittysuicoffee

HHHHHTHENKED YOUSA

@smoresbythefyresyde 

FANBKS YOUG

@danman22ful (The link in ask leads to Steel Wool twitter)

XD Yeah I did, always like to see good ol’ Monty!

@blenderrrrr 

THABNKSS YOUEE

@chromchill <XD Don’t worry I’m fine. Well, I’m not doing great on eating or taking breaks very often, But! But! I can say that I have been getting plenty of water. So there’s that. :}

(In response to this)

Eh, he’ll be fine XD

@minnesotamedic186 After searching those two on YouTube, Yes! Yes it would be XD. Just add an Engineer peeking around the corners every now and again and boom there’s my AU.

@flufflytail 

[hetalia-club]

I just have to spill my thoughts here for a second about my personal life for my own sanity. feel free to happily ignore and scroll by.

Good news everyone :D I just dumped my toxic emotionally abusive boyfriend. Terrible News everyone! :DDDD He was also my best friend and childhood best friend so isn't that great!? :)))

We were supposed to go to Sicily together in May...Why did I DO THAT!? I spent 2k on my plane ticket...the room is reserved... Do I like just not go to Italy now? Do I say F it and just go by myself? Do I try and quickly beg someone else to go with me who's okay with spending at least 2k on a plane ticket? Which would be no one in my life, maybe my parents would but idk what they got going on. I really wanted to go. Why could I have like just not waited until after that? We share a friend group and they are all more his friends than mine. So I just like isolated myself for no reason.

Sorry to dump this here and no I don't expect any of you to have the answers or do anything with this information.

These past few weeks for me have been really rough and I just made it somehow worse.

He distanced me from all my former friends who have all like moved on and have families and whatever and who I have not spoken to in five years so all I have right now is my family and work 'friends' I don't even like. I'm going to have to live with my parents for who knows how long because it was his house he had all the money in our relationship. He convinced me to quit my good desk job with benefits to work part time as a barista so I could clean his house and cook for him. But he also put up with all my weirdness and was fine with it.

Like when I say I have no idea what to do I truly mean that.

again I don't want anyone to feel responsible to do something about how I royalty screwed up my life. It's no ones fault. I shouldn't have let him isolate me so much from my friends and former life but TOO LATE NOW! I just need to stop being with men who have brown hair and brown eyes but are objectively terrible.

My only silver lining is that I was the one to end it. Which if anything am proud of myself for that because I have never broken up with anyone before and I normally just deal with whatever people do to me no matter how terrible and mean they are. I just have always forgiven him and everyone else.

But when some dude bro sits you down and asks you to "List reasons why you deserved to be loved by him" it was just too much. Like that might seem petty but I am sick of being the 'pretty girlfriend' I am so tired of having to dress to the 9s to go out and be expected to be perfect even if we're just going to a F*ng dive bar where I get stared out for dressing like I'm going to a club. Where he gets to look like a diarrhea stain who can't be bothered to wear a shirt that's not wrinkled or shave his scraggly beard. Why he thinks I should make a list of MY worth as a human being in his eyes. When he is average at best!? Like I'm not a 10 I'm not perfect I'm not delusional, I don't think I'm the hottest girl in the world or gods gift to man kind. But I'm out of his league, I do know that!

I always tend to cling to Hetalia harder when my life is falling apart around me because that's sort of just what I've done since I was a teen. I've never been in a healthy relationship with someone who actually likes me and Hetalia has always been there for me. Which is why I have been making a lot of content lately, it's been a distraction and I'm sorry if I've been bugging people with how much I've been posting. That's not been my intentions its just my coping mechanism and it's better than drinking...

This is the only social media I have that he's not on. I don't hate him enough to block him. I do still want to try and be his friend at some point if that's possible. I love his family and they love me and it's going to be so upsetting to see them again from a different perspective.

I'm okay...It's just been really rough lately...And I somehow just made it worse.(No I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone, don't even worry about that.)

[silverjojo08]

On video games and writing and Fire Emblem Engage

Mainly just me musing about how I don't think the story is bad. Sorry for being annoying tbh. This is meant for my personal circle of mutuals, but maybe other people can get something out of it. Please be nice to me; I am not a professional reviewer and don't claim to be writing anything objective or anything lol. I'm also not really editing heavily for grammar or anything (if anything I try to keep a bit of order structurally but I love a comma splice idk lol).

This piece has gone through many versions in my head as I try to nail down exactly what puzzles me about the perception of the writing as being "bad".

Initially I think I was going to do a full plot breakdown and point out how logically every moment fits together and how foreshadowing + late reveals enhances certain previous moments. As I write this down, I don't think that I'll be doing that here. I almost considered a deep dive into the themes of motherhood and found family presented in the game. Not sure I'm going to do that either. At one point I also considered fully getting into common complaints (particularly some brought up from one of my folks who I deeply respect, Mr. Forte himself), but also I don't think I'll really do that.

So, what am I writing here? Maybe it's a mix of all of the above. Maybe it is none of the above. I don't really know. But I do want to talk about how this game just really vibes for me; and while I don't intend on necessarily changing anyone's mind, I want to at least provide some perspective on why I personally enjoy it so that others can understand my perspective at the very least.

Perhaps I will succeed in that. Perhaps I will fail. Let's find out together. (Again I'm doing like very minimal editing. Please excuse grammatical errors/typos. If anything is unclear, ask and I'll try to clarify. But I'm bad at tumblr so either tweet at me or send it through an ask please.)

Prologue: Who? What? Why?

To start, I'm in my early 30s. The video game that made me love video games was Super Mario RPG, and my earliest gaming memories include me watching my dad beat up the robot evil Santa at the end (also him playing some NBA game on SNES). FE games I have played start to finish: 8 (Ephraim), 11, 12, 13, 14 (all 3), 15, 16 (all routes), and 17. FE games I have played a bit of but didn't finish for various reasons (mainly I got distracted and forgor 💀): 1, 4, 5, 7, and 9. None of this actually matters that much, but maybe there's a generational and/or fandom divide of some sort and this provides useful context.

I am not a writer by trade nor hobby. Writing is actually one of my least favorite things to do (this is potentially related to OCD brain "just right" stuff), to the point where I chose my college major specifically based on which had the least amount of classes that I could actually complete without having to write essays. I am a math person. I do like consuming and dissecting written fiction though.

This piece is meant to be mostly explanatory. I want to give my perspective as best I can. I decided other writing styles would be too combative for what amounts to something we're consume for enjoyment. I just want to pass on some understanding of how I feel.

I think the best way to do this is generally avoid spoilers, but I will include a specifically marked section where I discuss all spoilery things that come to mind (anything that I intend to come back to in this spoiler section will be marked with a *). Any non-FE games mentioned will not be spoiled beyond kind of a general "a reveal happened in a way that bugged me" type of stuff, if even that is a concern here's a list of the games vaguely mentioned so you can crtl+f: Tales of Zestiria, AI The Somnium Files: Nirvana Initiative, Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies. It all happens within two paragraphs, so you can just skip them if needed.

(Also I may accidentally use he/him pronouns for Alear because M Alear was the one I played with first, but I do generally think of FE avatars as the same being regardless of gender and try to use they/them when speaking to things both versions experience, which is like everything besides the hair colors being flipped and class options?)

Chapter I: What Is "Bad Writing" To Me?

Ok if you're reading this I assume you are at least in high school, and for that reason I'm not going to walk anyone through that level of analysis. In no way is this meant to be a lecture and I'm not trying to give any particularly deep literary analysis. That feels kind of like a pretentious thing to do in this situation.

So, bad writing? To me the biggest thing I consider bad writing is when an idea is not communicated well. This could be contradictory messaging, poor delivery, puzzling execution, etc. Obviously this can happen to various degrees of "bad", but I will not consider a story to have bad writing unless the writing breaks the experience in some way.

A broken experience is not the same to me as a negative one. To me a negative experience is just a matter of taste in the end and not a matter of "bad writing". Boring writing is not the same as bad writing even if it makes the experience painful. A broken experience has to be bad to the point where you just do not understand what they were attempting at all.

One game that comes to mind on this is Tales of Zestiria. I loved the characters in that game, and the main story itself is largely logical. But it was written so messily that there's a point where it becomes truly incoherent. To this day I have no idea what was going on with Dezel and Rose's personal histories despite a major climax of that game being built around the moment things get revealed for them. Again, it was overall a fun game, but it was definitely one I would claim had some bad writing.

Another situation that comes to mind that can be a spark for bad writing is when a reveal sours previous experiences. Misleading an audience can work really well in some ways. Ace Attorney 5 (Dual Destinies) has a reveal that has made me not want to replay it at all, but I don't believe the reveal is poorly done. Conversely, Somnium Files 2 (Nirvana Initiative) had one reveal that invalidates a significant part of the playing experience in a way that's hard to describe without going any further, but I think playing with audience expectations can only go so far until you make the audience feel like you've stolen part of the joy of the playing experience by severing an emotional connection.

I've been trying to describe this all in objective terms, but obviously it is very subjective. It's totally a "I know it when I see it" thing in the end. This section might be pointless. I don't know.

(There were too many blocks of text so look at Alfred; he's so nice and funny and good. I will give him the pact ring every time I play as M Alear lol.)

Chapter II: What about Fire Emblem Engage?

I guess this is kind of my point. I don't understand how any of this is applicable to it. The plot is fairly simple especially to start. You go from point A to point B with plenty of easy to follow narrative. Characters behave in logical and understandable ways. There's nothing functionally "wrong" with the story.

I think there are some pacing issues with the last stretch of chapters in that things happen too quickly for the player to properly respond even though the concepts are cool*. There's a lot of infodumps in these last chapters too that feel a little misplaced*. I agree that the tea supports (and shared gimmicks in general among certain groups of characters) are a bit overwhelming to unlock in succession. The DLC sucks* and only small parts of it truly add to the main story's narrative. There's the usual Fire Emblem incest and pedophilia grossness trying to peek its head through*. It's not a perfect game by any means.

I think I need to break up overall story discussion and character usage discussion, so I'm going to do that right now. If you've read to this point you generally get my point maybe on why the writing works fine for me and can stop here if you don't want a full peek into the deepest and most illogical recesses of my mind?

If you're not stopping here, together we ride or something idk did the title for this song come from Smash? Whatever.

Chapter III: The Story

***SPOILER WARNING, SKIP TO THE NEXT PART IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS***

Alright so I lied when I said I wouldn't go into this fully dissecting the plot or other people's criticisms. I'll do that a little bit here.

The biggest moment of "controversy" I think that happens early on is the loss of Lumera. What I've seen is that many people feel it didn't land well with them due to the game having not built up the relationship all that well. And I intellectually get that perspective. If a story beat doesn't land well to you then I can't tell anyone they're wrong for feeling a particular way about things. But while I understand people may feel this way, I truly do not understand that viewpoint. That we don't know Lumera is kind of the point. Alear also doesn't know her well at that moment. You're supposed to feel like it came too suddenly and is weird for it. The full gravity of the moment is not clear until later on in the game, and I think it was executed very well because the entire game revolves around this specific concept of chosen motherhood and family.

But maybe I'm moving too quickly. Backing up a bit, another criticism of this early game situation is I've seen people say they don't "have reason to care" how Alear is feeling this early on. And like, I truly don't know how to help you with that. When I start a game I generally don't start at 0 waiting for the game to make me care about the main character. I am already on their side and hoping for the best for them? I went in mainly thinking Alear looked goofy but like a nice kid who deserved nice things and the game did build well on it for me.

I think there are some questions on the nature of the emblems and the rings that go somewhat unanswered. There's a lack of clarity on how the rings function, and how stealing the rings after winning a battle works. Given that we see them levitate at numerous times, I suspect that is mostly the answer. But I do understand if that's a point of contention for some since it's not directly clarified.

The emblems are similarly somewhat explained as kind of heroic essence put to form, which genuinely is enough of an answer to me. But I do understand some may find that lacking. There are also many issues with the writing of the emblems which I sympathize with especially as a comic book fan who hates it when my faves are misrepresented in other titles. That's a genuine flaw that could have been corrected by having people working on the script who cared more about accuracy.

The pacing absolutely becomes an issue in the later chapters of the game. The Zephia and Griss death scene is extremely touching and well-written, but to have a scene that long and that complex in that moment of the game is very awkward. It would have been better suited as a Memory Prism type of bonus scene like FE15 had (for several characters there were scenes that added context but did not exactly fit in the main story such as a flashback discussion with Emperor Rudolf). It is necessary to understand the characters, but there's not a truly comfortable place to put it that doesn't seem insane especially given the length. This deeply ties into how I feel about the DLC as well, which is that Good!Zephia/Zelestia gives crucial insight to the effects of positive nurturing and actively choosing to build bonds, which is perhaps the strongest and most important theme of the game. Every instance of chosen family in this game is framed and shown to be a truly critical event for the individuals, as are the instances of chosen neglect. The usage and execution of this theme to me was extremely powerful in execution and just worked without feeling too cringe or forced. It's good stuff. I love love love what they did here, and I say this as a person who has never wanted to be a mother of any sort.

To go on a bit more about this: Griss (and by extension Gregory, but focusing on Griss here for simplicity) and Alear are such strong reflections of one another. There's some obvious aspects like how Griss is visually edgy and Alear is visually bright, Griss is rude and confident while Alear is kind and doubtful, etc. But the strongest comparisons and contrasts between them involve their mothers, and I think it's just incredibly well done. Comparisons include both of them get their sense of fashion from their moms, get their unit classing from their moms, somewhat blindly follow the words of their moms, had terrible upbringings and cling to their moms as their first emotional support, etc. But the contrasts? Oh baby. Zephia adopts Griss because he's a standout while Lumera adopts Alear because they're a failure (by Sombron's measure, not literally). Griss spends years by Zephia's side learning from her while Alear has to mostly guess at what Lumera had planned for them. And perhaps most starkingly: Griss gets to die alongside Zephia while Alear and Lumera are always mourning one another. Griss is such an incredibly well done rival character. It's no wonder he's the one who gets the special cutscene where he reveals the truth to Alear. Forever my GOAT!

Sadly though it's time to switch gears and talk about the DLC: it truly sucks. I said it on twitter after beating it, but I really think that they messed up on anticipating what would be a compelling scenario for the players to play through while also coaxing themselves into a snafu regarding spoilers. There's some good stuff there, but it's almost directly undercut by necessitating that it can be played early in a playthrough before the player has gotten to the revelations about Alear's biological parentage.

The DLC does attempt to carry over the themes of the main game, but without being able to openly acknowledge that these are some of the last of Alear's siblings (even if not by blood exactly) it becomes hollow. The only real payoff on the theming is the Nel and Veyle support chain where even if they aren't sisters in the traditional sense, Veyle is desperate for that kinship as she is so young and has spent so much time alone. It's very touching and something that could have been touched on with Alear as well if only the writers weren't forced to write a detached arc to avoid spoilers.

Yes this is probably where I should get into the alt Alear being the "twin" of the main one. They needed to either go all in with that and have Alear confirmed as sort of a multiversal set of twins or back up off it and confirm that they're only narrative parallels because doing literally all of this and then having Nel have feelings for the other Alear is gross. They did so well avoiding weirdness with Veyle in the main game, and then completely blew it in regards to Nel. It makes no sense you can romantically S support her and invalidates all the themes about family presented to that point if characters who literally share a father and share similar traumas don't find healthy kinship with one another.

But beyond all that, we don't really get to see enough of Nel and "Nil" to be convinced by their dedication to one another especially in comparison to other familial relationships like between the recruitable royals, Four Hounds, and Four Winds. It feels like things are just happening to happen without feeling the gravity of terror that we are told Sombron caused them. Again, the obvious parallel to Alear being forced to fight Veyle purely due to their father's machinations isn't allowed to be explored due to the spoilers thing. Subtlety can be a structurally clever thing, but this doesn't even feel like the DLC writers were aware of that basic fact. This is the only aspect of the whole game that I feel truly misses the mark for me. It feels like a bland copycat of the main game written by someone who only skimmed a wiki article of the main story. I truly really believe they would have been better served making it a proper postgame arc because then maybe the emotional connections could have been fully explored.

I also almost feel as though they'd have been better served writing a story set in the past around red Alear. I understand that would have made it difficult to have playable units from the DLC in the main campaign, but I would have gladly missed out on them if that meant adding to the main universe instead of mostly meaning nothing in the end besides an edgy boy (and I genuinely like Rafal, he's funny) realizing he isn't as edgy as he thought he was.

Back to the main game though. Alear becoming Corrupted and begging their sister to not give up was extremely cool and dangerous and insane in a GOOD way (though again, the cutscenes were somewhat long but long for the sake of the main characters is different than long for side villains). Then you play the actual chapter and nothing truly significant is happening that makes the experience feel noteworthy. I think the design and gameplay are more of a problem with this than the specifics of the writing itself, but both of those generally work to the benefit of storytelling in this game so to have an obviously contradictory moment like that undercuts the drama of the scenario. It's a great idea done in kind of a "just ok" way. Would have been better off omitting that chapter entirely and just jumping to the emblem-izing of Alear immediately. Maybe the writers were just too ambitious with the idea of using the Corrupted for a good reason, and couldn't bear to cut it out? I don't dislike indulgent writing, but I dislike when I can tell the writers are just doing something because they thought it was cool and no one felt like being the one to say "ok this doesn't quite fit".

Another gameplay and storytelling problem is the final boss fight. Bringing back the other final bosses as evil emblems was brilliant, but to not bring them back as recognizable models, not give them their portraits, and not give them their voice lines (and correct me if I'm wrong, but they all have voice actors from their own games or Heroes) made it difficult to identify who was who without looking up their classes online. That really undercut most of the drama in them being used in that battle. I understand this may have all added costs to the game that they maybe didn't want to pay, but that lack of detail made a very cool inclusion feel kind of middling.

And the boss himself? Sombron is actually an interesting dude to me. But again, all his backstory and evil plans probably should have been dumped in a monologue separate from the final battle. I think this is yet another case, similar to the Zephia and Griss scene, that would have worked better as a memory prism than as just a character telling the audience directly in what sort of feels like an inappropriately detailed explanation. I appreciate that they did not force this into being another story centered around multiversal crossovers in a media landscape that is currently overwhelmed by such stories, especially if the "Zero Emblem" hook has no intention of being followed up on. Though arguably that's yet another thing the DLC needlessly complicated. Is there just an infinite number of Sombrons looking for an infinite number of Zero Emblems? Even more proof that the DLC should not have happened as it did.

Last thing worth addressing in detail is the pedophilia that has been sadly very prevalent in the series and arguably emboldened by the introduction of the S support system. Even if one wants to disregard the internal age data, characters like Anna, Jean, and Hortensia should not have been romanceable in any language. I thank the English localization team for scrubbing out most of this and making them as platonic as possible.

Ok I think that's basically everything about the plot I can think of right now to address directly. Solm royals could have gotten more, but whatever. I thought they were fine as the hyper-competent Batman-like country that's like 5 steps ahead of everyone. I don't have any other things to speak about on the main story events.

*** THE SPOILERS ARE DONE, CONTINUE READING HERE ***

(Your reward for reading all those paragraphs is a nice picture of my daughter Veyle, who is precious and good. I was so worried they would be weird about her and barefeet aside they thankfully were not.)

Chapter IV: The Other Characters

There's a couple of obvious social groups of characters who have largely overlapping gimmicks. Tea time enthusiasts (Celine, Louis, Jean), aesthetic obsessives (Goldmary, Rosado, Hortensia), gym rats (Alfred, Etie, Boucheron sort of). Firene has perhaps the biggest problem of having so many gimmicks done so close together. There is still a lot of depth in those supports still (notably in the A levels after many might have given up, such as Alfred-Etie, Alfred-Celine, Celine-Alear, etc). I don't really have a defense for this, but I do understand why especially early on it would cause people to write off the cast of the game. It didn't bother me much maybe because I benched everyone but Alfred and Louis right away (I needed to keep Clanne and Framme around, they're really funny lol).

But overall I didn't mind any of the characters for their gimmicks besides Seadall (his disordered eating being treated as a joke was just extremely offputting and it was really 50/50 on whether a support might focus on it) and Goldmary (she is just an asshole and to me it wasn't funny, not every joke will land for everyone I suppose).

The cast felt extremely likeable and well-rounded. I will sound like a broken record here, but again they really reminded me of what I enjoyed about the FE8 cast. Just pretty much all likeable and good characters.

Chapter V: Everything Else

Here's like everything else that comes to mind but I don't have enough in my brain to properly write sentences on them and I kind of want to be done with this lmao:

Yes, I think it's a little silly how some characters manage to get away without the game directly stating how. Alear and co are nice and not brutal so you can assume they allowed the escape, but it's still weird at times. Poorly choreographed.

I will never unironically use the term "ludonarrative" (no shade if you do, but it's not me). However the introduction of the Lucina ring bringing back hope to the crew while being a supportive ring for gameplay purposes and all is just really special stuff. It's good. Similarly, the ring you get at the end of chapter 17 is an amazing moment.

I'm not particularly bothered by the rings being former characters. I don't feel they were used poorly or anything. They're wise old heroes helping the new gen, and they serve that purpose well. Only Marth has a bit more to him than that due to his history with Alear, and I think it plays out well without being reliant on prior knowledge. Again very sorry to Eirika fans, I've seen the essays there on the inaccuracies and you're all valid.

The time travel is very clean and properly defined imo. Much more limited than in Three Houses in-universe which is good, however the best explanation for the rewinds will continue to be Mila's Turnwheel (in that there is no time travel, just some premonitions that allow the characters to evade danger).

I love Pandreo and Zelkov so much. Oh my god. They're so funny and just good men. Excellent dudes. Amber, Rosado, YUNAKA. The cast is just lovely. I love them.

Sommie is so cute for real. Just brilliant idea to include a nice pet for your home base. If anything, they should have given it more wigs for the main royals or some of the emblems. Also Sommie is totally the Zero Emblem.

Chapter VI: Conclusion

Let me get TMI here. I do understand that personally I experience and perceive emotions in an unusual way compared to most people. I've not been diagnosed with anything specific to that level of wiring (just OCD and anxiety), and as far as I feel it doesn't seem necessary. But it is what it is, and I am who I am. Maybe all of this is pointless to write and it truly is just a matter of taste and personal emotional expectations. I don't know. I just know I liked the game, and what worked on me really worked. Hope this was fun to read even if it doesn't give any particular insight.

I did not intend to compare any other FEs in this piece mainly because it's not about them. Legit sorry if I inadvertently cause some sort of discourse.

tl;dr It's Peak Fiction™

[finniestoncrane]

i want to start writing but my account is new and i have like no followers and the characters im inspired to write from (mostly batman villains) aren't super popular so im scared to post at all cause i dont want stuff to flop and get like 3 notes if that and UGH i know notes shouldnt matter but i also know myself and ill feel bad

idk why im venting in your inbox i just love your writing and you seem kind so here i am

oh bug!! good news, i answered something like this a while ago, and my advice isn't any better lmao

another thing i would add though is that perspective helps!! it's a thing you gotta practice (and you can't practice without doing, same with followers really!) so yeah you post something and it gets no notes, that's ok. you can be upset about it, completely! i often am lmao but put it into context!

if something gets 3 notes and it's a request for a character people ask for i'm like "ok why are you asking???" if something gets 3 notes and it's something i wanted to write just for me? yippee!! 3 other people wanted the same thing as i did!!

also, realistically (and you may be vastly different from me lol!) i am rarely in a room with three people who like anything i do. i don't really have two people who like what i do to rub together. even my husband sometimes looks at the kinks i'm writing and goes "technically good. not for me" so if you have 3 people liking it that's AMAZING

you'll be fine, you'll be good. you might not get what you want out of it, but you'll get what you need u-u 💚💚💚

[woahjo]

hi! you can totally ignore this if you don't want to reply for whatever reason, but i still wanted to ask since i'm curious on other peoples perspective

i've never been one to self-ship (or at least not directly, like i def had some fics written with self insertion without realizing or made up scenarios in my head but never really put the label on it)

And I thought on why I did not want that label of self-ship put on my fav characters and myself, and ig my conclusion is that it just hurts me to put it in a way? like for me its a constant remind that they're fictional, which honestly hurts more than just doing a selfinserted fic and that's it, because once i finish the fic it's just another piece of media, nothing more to me, and i detach

but if i try to push myself to do something cute for self-shipping since everyone seems so content with it, i can't find myself doing the same because of what i just said, like even calling my favs f/o makes me feel a bit like shit lol. and tbh i think most people would disagree with me since what i see 99% of the time is people using selfshipping as a pastime or use it to cope but how do you manage to not hurt yourself when you remember it's only fictional? because i want to achieve that as well without getting myself hurt in the process.

so sorry for this being so long btw, i wanted to explain myself as best as i could

hi anon!!!

i understand you completely!! i think the bottom line of it is that if you don't like it, then don't do it, ya know? i don't mean that in the like "get out of here!!" sense, i mean it more so in the like.. if thinking inside of what the "box" might be for self-shipping, why not try thinking outside of it?

i know for me, i don't actually imagine my selfships to be "real" in any way. yes, my selfships are with me, but it's a version of me that more closely aligns with a story im writing about their relationship. i've noticed a lot of people have decently set lore with their selfships, but that personally doesn't work for me, so i tend to think in a more abstract way when it comes to lore. broad strokes, ya know?

im not sure if this makes sense, but my "selfships" often feel more like reading a book or watching a tv show with a pairing i really like than they do myself. the version of me that they're with is a character and i enjoy thinking about how that version of me might be paired with them, but they're never a full reflection of me. that's the sort of selfshipping that makes me happy. yeah sure, i don't really get to take part in the "what's your selfship lore!!!" conversations as in depth as i might want to, but that's just not part of what makes selfshipping enjoyable to me.

if i thought about my selfships as real, life sized human beings, i would also get SO sad they're not real, so i tend to imagine them as like... living in rooms in my head rather than something i can imagine in front of me. idk if that's how everyone thinks about their selfships, but that's how i do it!!! i carry the scenarios around in my pocket like bugs in a handheld terrarium.

as an aside,,, when it comes to writing, my reader is almost never a self insert. they have bits and pieces of me, but they're not a reflection of how my selfships tend to go. they are their own characters, just without a name or physical description. and it's purely for a similar reason. i'm not a novel protagonist. i don't have that sort of personality and sometimes it can bum me out to try and fit myself into a box that i think other people might enjoy (because that's not the real me).. so i don't! same goes for my selfships

anyway, all of this to say that if the box doesn't fit, out grow it. the nice thing about selfshipping is that there is no right way to do it and if thinking about it in the traditional way trips u up because it makes u sad that they're not real, switch up how you think about it :))

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary142

2/3-4/2024

my weekend begins #now.

i started it with a damon packard movie, foxfur, a friend sent me it and i was like, entranced by it. really great movie, feels like it gets at the precarity/nightmarishness of the world atm and all ways people cope, especially w/ new age weirdo stuff. so oddly on with that, all the way back in 2012.

otherwise, my day was okay, my work note:

stuck there too long, one kid tried to scam me and it was so obvious and bad, insanely stupid attempt. the rides are scary, someone almost lost their phone, but mostly, dull. i didn't get to take a break.

i did work on music but i'm too exhausted/spaced out to get to the next song, i've just been fiddling with the last one, the issue w/ it is that in order to get it more disgusting sounding in the distortion/how it distorts, i need to figure something out, and the fiddling/ solutions i've come up with are a bit flabby sounding i guess, coming back to them. the flab is in the lack of sharpness. something weird needs to happen or whatever. might need to go back to the guitar fixing thing for the right channel sound, i've started messing with some octave effects, but there may be something else i need to try too, maybe a re-done effects chain in parts. idk. i'll see how this export comes out where i boost some of the highs in each separate track.

did something where i went and eq-ed out the ugliest signals solo, seems to have worked in a first pass but i forgot to turn some stuff back on. i also decided to change something in the master. it's impressive to me how much stuff regarding guitar sounds/tones online is so useless and how boring most people want to be.

having thoughts now, about ai, that's how you know i've been up too late. here's my new whacko theory about it, or i guess i can't present it from there, immediately, here's the source of the thought, seeing the cover art for zazen boys ii, and the illegibility of it, basically, its failure to say zazen boys ii in a way that's immediately readable. it's willfully against being read, it's a mess, it's beautiful, it's a typographic explosion, it looks like several different languages slammed together, congealed. i don't think it's important it was done by a human or whatever but i think what it is, is something that fails at what you'd expect, and what you'd want from what is basically an advertisement to get people to blindly buy something, or that's what cover art is when viewed from the perspective of not caring about the music. many times, they are related, but it's positive also with the selling/potential to get someone to loo, i think maybe this is is only worth thinking about because zazen boys are a japanese band and cd sales are still hugely important over there, because piracy is so scary for them. for anyone who steals the vast majority of music, it's more freely interrelated to the music/meaning of the music, it's something that is liked and connected with in that way. this is an aside. basically the other thing is it reminded me of what those neural nets or whatever they are now, do when they try to write something in an image. signs, anything. it bugs me when people act like ai is novel, is what i think i'm feeling lately. it's a lot of futurists basically taking up a fetishistic desire to point at something as new, a new method, a new field of potentiality, a new capability for people to adopt, maybe flatly, it increases our ability, for them, and so this novelty in technology revitalizes art, but these things only scrape and congeal, they do it at a scale that people cannot, because they can remember more, with their monologic weighting and construction of meanings as largely singular and not fluid. people may bring the nature of ai writing which does get rather figurative and strange, but so does any good writer, it rarely produces sentences i think nothing else could produce, it just feels like a lot of excitement over the fact that capital has now moved into the territory of the illegible, it creates nonsense information, it absorbs centuries of ways of writing and sequences them, somehow, this is enough to some people to seem better than all fiction currently produced. a strangely eugenic approach to art, we seem to have arrived at in recent times, where people are quick to say, this is the end of everything, this makes anyone doing the same thing unnecessary, there is not vitality in (x), there is no hope for anything new in (x). a sickness over novelty, it is so purely and psychotically spectacular, it should be seen as special i guess how even people who act outside/above this get very wrapped in it, or act like it is real. i can never see or feel how it's real. i don't know why. is that wrong of me?

i know people who find ai to be very exciting, but when i see what they think of it, all i feel is that really what they want is to be the manager of creative work, and ai is finally a worker they can have. it's not about freeing up who can make things, the novelty is the fantasy it sells, the fantasy of not having to communicate with others in the creation of something, and the feeling that you are communing with some vast well of meaning. in short, you are enabled to be a creative director, you direct an image making, text spewing machine, a machine which has absorbed meaning/constructs meaning in a way that snuffs out the negative, there is never lack, it is a system of pure success, it is eugenically improving itself always, at least this is my read on it, creating memories / facts / linkages that are essentially a kind of super-infrastructure for information. this is totally opposite to the waste-products created in our mind, which we trip over, and months of not considering them, surface, corpses in rivers, eggs which never spawned, and now gleaming and bobbing, they seem pearls you may fashion into something terrible, and carry it for the rest of your life, with a special sort of love. the value of failure, and waste, is in that, spoken more i guess, directly, it is that when you are shut up in yourself, mute, and when you cannot find the words, something else comes to you, and when you cannot explain yourself, you are something else, you are fallen between words. a.i cannot fall between, it cannot be anything but the sun, not as solar anus, not as the life-expelling force bataille describes, but the implement of measurement via shadows cast, a ruler set to earth, set to voice and thought to collect data and surveil, a system perfected, something that can encapsulate some of the world.

our next cybernetic apparatus of agitation and gentle discomforts. it will not think for us, it will make us think we think as it does, and thus we will chase the capability, ability to conclude, be read, and to read, falling for the novelty, and whatever.

this isn't to say though, it's utterly useless. ai should probably be used in pointless clerical data entry work, and i don't especially care if some people steal pokemon with it. the palworld thing is so weird because people should be wigged out that people are just getting super into something that seems like ark or whatever. that awful game with the dinosaurs. survival game slop, you do not need anything other than minecraft.

okay i think i got the problem song pretty good. right guitar needs something though... idk what. maybe it's missing some frequency from something i notched.

re-exporting now.

i think it sounds really good now, i hope i feel that way tomorrow. i also just made a new guitar sound thing. i am up too late but at least i'm having fun.

this has too much white noise in it but idk, it's kind of cool, also.

anyway i need to sleep now, or soon, at least, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!