#something about zelda games that just hit me right in the heart every single time ;;;;

[bloominflowers]

"Link... You must find me."

[alelelesimz]

tips for making combat as easy as possible in the switch zelda games? i get so nervous with every single monster and can barely play the game 🫣

oh babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy thank you for letting me yap about zelda this is my favorite thing to do!!!!!

i'm gonna talk about totk bc that's what i'm playing rn but if you're playing botw and something here doesn't really work, let me know and i'll help you out! i had strategies for every monster too. i'm also not talking about actual bosses so if you need help with any of those also let me know, they're all very easy once you understand their mechanics :)

if you're not good with flurry rush or parrying or any of those things, don't worry neither am i! so here's a list on how i brute force everything as efficient as i can!

careful, long ass post below :D

some little tips:

every monster has a mechanic, you just need to learn their patterns and repeat them a bunch

you can always pause to change your armor or weapon or heal and your inventory is huge so you can have a bunch of food that will help you

if all else fails, you can teleport yourself somewhere else and come back when you feel ready!

if there's a specific enemy that scares you too much, there's no shame in checking a map online to mark them in your game to avoid them

read what npcs tell you about monsters, they give you a ton of hints on how to fight many of them

if you're playing botw, stasis is an amazing tool! once you upgrade it you can freeze creatures for a bit which is very useful. also great to detect if a decayed guardian is still alive or if a big rock is actually a talus

if you're on totk, you can also detect monsters like taluses and evermeans with the camera!

other tips: if you know all of this skip to where i start talking about monsters

FOOD: very important! what makes zelda so easy is that you can literally pause at any moment and fill your hearts. and you don't really need to be a chef you just need to know what ingredients do. if you add five of the same ingredient it will give you a better effect. here's an example of stuff i use often:

hylian tomatoes: a bunch of hearts

hearty truffles/radishes: max hearts + extra hearts

sundelions: restores gloom damage

mighty bananas: attack power

ironshrooms: defense

(in botw durians were the best fucking thing in the game bc they were so easy to farm. i miss them sm!!!)

etc. you can google this if you wanna learn more but basically always have some of these in your inventory for when you're going to attack monsters

ARMOR: in this playthrough i just maxed my champion's leathers, hylian hood and hylian trousers. they were easy (just time consuming) to upgrade and it's not bad for when you're getting hit.

other than that i'm trying to upgrade as much as i can the snowquill set so i don't get frozen, the flamebreaker set so i don't get cooked in the volcano, the desert voe set so i don't melt in the desert and the depths set so gloom doesn't destroy me. for electric attacks i just use the lightning helm and in another universe i would also upgrade the barbarian set bc of the attack but i will NOT be fighting a bunch of lynels absolutely fucking not.

remember to use the correct set when you're fighting elemental monsters btw! many times the elemental attacks literally won't hurt you at all if you have the set bonuses

other than that i don't really bother upgrading almost anything else bc it's annoying and not worth it! this is the only completionist thing i don't care about

WEAPONS (kinda useless for botw): FUSE 👏 YOUR 👏 WEAPONS 👏 monster horns are good for fusing, fusing weapons with other weapons is good too (especially the gloom ones so they don't hurt you!). i'm killing a bunch of talusses and flux constructs, the thing they drop is always good to fuse. go crazy with fusing! remember you can also fuse stuff to the master sword!!!

also remember to fuse stuff to your arrows!

bomb flowers: your absolute best friend (rip auto bombs)

eyes: hits monsters right on their weak points

chuchu jellies or elemental fruits: amazing for elemental monsters

puffshrooms: monsters have a harder time noticing you

gibdo bones: easy to get in the desert and add A TON of strength to your arrows (bad for melee weapons tho)

another thing is shields! i barely use them bc i'm bad at this game, so i have most of my shields fused to rockets!!! since revali's gale is gone (rip) this is what i use now to get out of a tricky situation or to avoid climbing a lot.

SAGES (also useless for botw): hot take but i actually like having them around, i only dismiss them when they get annoying but they're actually quite useful. they usually take down small monsters like keeses and octorocks before i even realize i'm being attacked and when fighting a big monster or a horde of monsters they help you take them down faster! mineru is the only one i never use

okay i can't think of anything else so here's my strategy for every overworld monster (not actual bosses like ganondorf)

MONSTERS!!

(if you're on botw you don't need to worry about frox, gleeok, constructs or gloom spawns btw, also remember stasis is your friend here and the champions abilities are amazing, especially urbosa's)

HINOX: [weak point: the eye] easiest monster to kill. just throw an arrow with an eye and you will hit it right in the eye lol. once it's down get a double handed weapon and long press the Y button to do that spin attack or do the fast attack with a spear weapon, that works too.

STONE TALUS: [weak point: ore on top or back] get underneath it and use ascent to get on top, then use a double handed weapon with a rock fused or something to make a hammer and hit it with the spin attack on the ore thing. for taluses with the ore on the back just spam arrows with bombs (not in the ones in the volcano caves tho they will explode in your face!!!!) for frost talus just throw a fire fruit at it to stun it fast and same for igneo talus with ice fruits. for battle taluses try to kill the bokoblins first if you can bc they're a nuisance, then ascend on the platform and hit it. oh and i just learned that if they throw their arm at you you can throw it back with Recall omg!!!!

MOLDUGA: [weak point: the belly] these bitches were so much easier in botw with auto bombs but worry not they're still pretty easy. they can't see you but they can hear your steps in the sand so all you have to do is get on top of any rock or building and throw something at the sand like an apple or something you won't miss. it will hear whatever you throw and come out of the sand to attack it, this is when you throw an arrow with a bomb at them to stun them. now just get close and hit it on the belly and that's it just get back on top of a rock when it goes into the sand again.

FLUX CONSTRUCTS: [weak point: the one different cube that moves around] for these guys Recall and Ultrahand are the tools you need. use Ultrahand to grab the weak point cube, if you miss it just keep removing any block you can grab. once you grab the correct one you will take apart the whole thing so just find the weak one and smack it as much as you can. for the one attack where it throws a bunch of cubes at you just run to the side so they don't hit you and then get on top of one and use Recall on it, it will bring you right to the weak point.

FROX: [weak point: the eye] for froxes you can do the same thing that you do with hinox where you throw an arrow at the eye but i find it easier to wait for it to inhale you kirby style and this is when you throw a bomb at it. it will stun it quickly and you have enough time to get on top of it and destroy the ores it has on its back. if it charges at you just fucking run to the side so it doesn't eat you.

GLEEOKS: [weak point: the three eyes] the scariest one so far but not that bad after you fight it. as always just throw an arrow with an eye at it but this time throw three as fast as you can! if you have a lynel bow that does x3 arrows that would be better but if not just spam eye arrows. like with any other elemental, fire against ice and ice against fire, but any eye is fine so don't worry if you don't have enough. once it's down hit it on one of the heads. if you can manage to kill it fast then yay you don't get to the hardest part but if not! it will fly up high and charge at you some elemental attacks:

frost gleeoks will throw some icicles at you, you can see where they fall so avoid them, then get on top of one and use Recall to go up high. also it's better if you don't have any flame weapons equipped at this moment cause they will melt the icicles!

flame gleeoks throw a big fireball, get the hell out of there so the impact doesn't hit you. this will create an updraft that will take you close to it

thunder gleeoks throw lightning at you, but before they hit you, you'll see some beams of light on the floor. avoid them and after they hit they also create an updraft that will get you up there

once near the gleeok just do the eye arrows thing again and it will fall down. they take fall damage so i usually just have to do this whole thing once!

LYNELS: not a boss thank god but probably harder. my strategy: avoid them :) but if you have to fight them: throw a puffshroom so it can't see you, once you're closer throw an arrow with an eye to stun it, then run to the back of it and mount it, once on top you can hit it five times so get the strongest fucking weapon you have! then repeat the whole thing until it's dead 🙏 it's better to fight them from up close cause they have pretty hard attacks when you're far away

GLOOM HANDS: RUN!!! jk (kinda) they can't climb anything so get on top of a platform or something and spam bombs at all the hands. don't wait too much tho cause the hands will reappear if you don't kill them all. then there's phantom ganon but i don't find it that hard? just hit him a lot and have some good food on you cause it does hit hard. i avoid these fuckers as much as i can bc they're too scary lol and not that worth it. the worst part is that they appear out of fucking nowhere so i always mark their location on the map and get the hell out of there.

people will tell you that phantom ganon and lynels give the best weapons which is true but i find them not that worth it considering how much i hate fighting them! so don't feel like you need to fight them if you don't want to

THAT'S IT I THINK??????? don't be scared remember that they all have very specific mechanics so just repeat the patterns and you will get rid of all of them super fast!!! if you need help with literally any other monster let me know! i actually love combat in these games cause it's pretty easy and many times very silly

[zachsgamejournal]

PLAYING: The Legend of Zelda

This game is hard, but an impressive achievement for 1986. I'm shocked by how many Zelda staples are present here, turning almost every following Zelda game into a prettier derivative.

I can't remember where I left off but I've completed a few more dungeons. I already had the bow and boomerang. I have since discovered a raft (that only goes in one direction), a...ladder...that lets me cross single-block gaps of water, and a "better" boomerang. OH and I got the Master Sword!!

I'm finding the dungeons out of order. I'm not sure how the game can be played in order organically, though I did find the first dungeon first. Happy accident I guess. But the second or third dungeon I completely missed. It's actually hard to get to and I had to use an online map to find it. I've heard that the game came with a map included, so it's not quite cheating.

I started finding hearts! Which seems happy except it's harder to max out my hearts and gain a shooter sword. I have to buy healing potions now.

After beating the 4th dungeon, I got brave and accidentally stumbled upon the 6th dungeon. I thought I could handle it. I. Could. Not. Every rooms is a frustrating fight that may help me gather resources or just...die. By the time I get to the dragon boss I am down to 2-3 hearts. And the boss is a real asshole. Also, right before the boss there's an old man that says, "Have you gotten the sword from the mountain" or something like that. Like dude, tell me this shit before I start the pain in the ass dungeon.

So I went and got the Master Sword. It was pretty easy. I think I tried to get it before and they were like, no. But now they just gave it to me. No idea.

I've also discovered there are dark rooms that can likely be lit by candles. But I don't buy candles because I'm frugal. There's also bunny bad guys that are present in Link's Awakening. I keep being impressed by the fact that this really old game on a simple system has so much depth and creativity. So while I love Ocarina of Time, everything there is basically present in some form from the beginning.

Speaking of music. I got the flute. I don't know what it does besides annoy the boss of that dungeon. But what it took to get the flute is why I will never play through this game again. It's too fucking hard!

There's these "knights" and they can only be damaged from behind. They have 5+ hit points. And every time you try to get behind them, they'll randomly about face. They killed me so many times. And as far as I know, there's no other weapon that can help. I did a save state right outside a room filled with them and it took me about an hour to beat them. I even had to leave and buy a health potion to use my magic. Even with a magic sword, I relied mostly on luck to get through this part. Given that the game has almost no story, I'm not compelled to "enjoy" this game again. But I respect what it was and its impact on games. So I'm gonna push through it.

[valhallanrose]

The Red Plague

The art above was created by Nix Hydra, and can be found in the Minor Arcana Art Book (or where I got it - off the fandom wiki page, because who’s going to stop me)

Much of Zelda’s story in the non-apprentice timeline delves into the plague before, during, and in the aftermath of Vesuvia, and I wanted to compile my lore and headcanons for it in one place before I delve into her story fully. I will incorporate as much canon as possible, but given that that isn’t a large amount of info, a lot of this is based off research and personal worldbuilding. 

CWs for discussions of disease, death, body horror, I guess spoilers but I’m surprised if it is for anyone considering how the info is everywhere in game in all routes. This is also, again, personal headcanon and I don’t expect it to fall in line with everyone’s thoughts on the plague.

The Timeline

I’m going to go with a comprehensive timeline first, and this part is all based on canon information. I’ll try and provide as many sources as I can as well, but some of this is pulled from multiple books and I might forget exactly where something came from. 

As we learn in the Lucio tale, Dawn of the Grub, Lucio strikes up a deal with the wyrm of pestilence (Vlastomil) - his parents’ hearts in exchange for a disease that will allow Lucio to kill them both. The Lucio brought the disease back to the tribe, which weakened his father enough for Lucio to kill him. His mother Morga, however, fights off the disease, referring to it as a ‘summer cold’, and Lucio flees the tribe and joins a traveling mercenary band which allows the plague to spread. 

I don’t have a particular reason why Morga would have survived the plague. Her sprites in the game never show any sign of the plague that are generally acknowledged - no red sclera, no veins, no signs of weakness, so on and so forth. The best theory I can posit is that Morga either genuinely had a summer cold, or that the plague only took hold in Lutz rather than them both. Either way, unsatisfying, but we’re going to call Morga the exception and not the rule. 

Because Lucio did not fulfill his end of the bargain with Vlastomil, the plague continued to spread, following Lucio as he traveled the continent. This is also the point where the beetles appear - more on them later. 

The implication in the game is that the disease reached other countries and areas, but the next canon mention of the Red Plague’s spread occurs in Portia’s route, book X - Wheel of Fortune. A map is discussed where dates, places, and sightings of the plague are noted by Julian in his study of the plague - the Painted Fields, Blue Mountain Ridge, and Annyala Gate are all names that arise. 

Nasmira recognizes the name of Annyala Gate and points out that Nazali was at that battle, in which a band of mercenaries was sighted - and their leader needed an arm amputated, which is confirmed to be Lucio. Nadia states that Lucio came to Vesuvia not long after that battle, and the next time the Plague was seen was in Vesuvia. 

It is never seen again outside Vesuvia, and this brings us to the three years before the game, where Lucio’s ‘death’ heralds the end of the plague, and it is never seen actively again in the Arcana world. 

The headcanons I have are to help establish a solid timeline. Dawn of the Grub tells us the deal is made on Lucio’s 18th birthday, and I personally believe that Lucio’s death occurred on his 40th birthday, giving us about 22 years of time for us to work with for the spread of the plague. 

Some more headcanons mixed with canon:

Lucio is newly titled Count in the tale Travel at Night. Based on personal age headcanons, this tale probably occurs at minimum 17 to 18 years pre-canon, putting Asra at (at most) 10/11, Muriel at 14/15, and Lucio at a startling 22/23. It could occur later, as art style can influence perspective on age, but Muriel and Asra really don’t feel like they could be much older than that. 

During his mercenary days (sometime between the ages of 18 and 22/23) Lucio was contracted by the former Count of Vesuvia, Count Spada. This battle occurs at Annyala, mentioned above, and is the battle where Lucio 

At a certain point, Lucio was contracted by the Count of Vesuvia at the time, Count Spada, for a battle where he "made a name for himself." Story implications indicate that this was the battle during which he lost his left arm. It was amputated by Julian to prevent his death from blood loss. After he won the battle for Count Spada, he became friends with the Count and privy to secrets about Vesuvia and the Palace. Spada would eventually name Lucio his heir, and upon his death, Lucio earned rulership of Vesuvia. 

The plague eventually appears and ravages Vesuvia’s population

Plague patients are sent to the Lazaret away from the city and cremated, then scattered on the beach. 

Lucio contracts the plague and defies the average lifespan of those who contracted it by lasting a few months rather than 3-10 days.

Lucio dies on his birthday, not of the plague but as a result of the ritual he was attempting to gain a new body.

I tried to map most of that out here, and wow, what a sad little diagram. Nix Hydra, y’all are cowards for not going hard on this. I, however, am not, and I am about to go more apeshit than I already have. 

The Spread

Cracking my knuckles on the history degree, baby, I’m borrowing some real life inspiration from across multiple time periods to tie all this together. 

I personally think the whole “Oh, the plague arrives wherever Lucio goes and disappears when he leaves” thing is a copout, and we’re drop kicking that out a window. 

I do believe, as canon states, that the plague follows Lucio. It spreads obviously to regions he visits, but I don’t think it just disappears when he leaves. I really, really want to believe someone would have been smart enough to see the connection if the plague suddenly appeared and was later yoinked out of existence as soon as Lucio left town every single time it cropped up somewhere way sooner than it was noticed in canon. 

I don’t think the plague was as isolated as the game implies, and when it was in Vesuvia, it was probably also elsewhere. The epicenter was Lucio, of course, so Vesuvia faced the worst of it, but I think there would have been pockets with much smaller numbers in other parts of the world. 

Earlier I mentioned a few locations cited in Portia’s route as to where the plague had been before Vesuvia - the Painted Fields, Blue Mountain Ridge, and Annyala Gate. I think once these areas were hit with the plague, it would have continued to spread even after Lucio left. Across multiple routes, it’s made clear that the only ‘cure’ to the plague is Lucio’s death, which is why Julian had intended to kill Lucio after making his deal with the Hanged Man. The lack of Lucio’s presence would have kept the plague from continuing to escalate, but in these regions, it probably would have spread when the region’s people attempted to relocate, or ceased when the population died out. 

Annyala Gate, or the Great Gate, is a location I can dive a little deeper into. It’s the last location the plague was sighted before Vesuvia, and because it ties into my OC Zelda’s storyline, I have many a thought. 

Lucio is in Annyala sometime between year 1 and year 4/5, though I believe it’s on the later end of that spectrum, so let’s say year 4 to clearly predate his title as heir to Vesuvia. For reference, here is a map of the Great Gate as provided by the art book: 

Jeebus. Terrible photo quality. Ah, well, on we go. 

The Great Gate is situated between the Sea of Persephia (left) and the Salty Sea (right), and as the map currently stands, is the only point on land that gives access to the southern part of the world map. In this area in particular, I feel like a number of factors would have kept the plague alive long after Lucio left. 

Narrowest point on the world map for transport of goods between ports and seas, which would be a more efficient route than traveling around the continent to reach the same point

As previously stated, this is the only known access point to the south, and travelers heading through this area could possibly be carriers of the plague or catch the plague from the area 

The only way for the plague to stop would be with the death of Lucio, so once it was inflicted upon this area, it continued to spread and infect the population in adjoining areas 

The game repeatedly has emphasized the proximity of the Red Beetles (known harbingers of the plague) to water, such as the Nopali village in Asra’s route and the red stains attributed to them in Julian’s route, and we receive further confirmation in Portia’s route that the water supplies are contaminated during the period of the disease

Fun bit of trivia from Nadia’s route - in the Strength book, Nadia mentions that she remembers the beetles, and that once they had been used as part of a pigment used to dye fabric crimson, which was all the rage in Vesuvia. Should this trend have continued, people wearing fabrics dyed with this beetle pigment most likely would become infected, and thus, the cycle continued. 

I will also point out here that pigments have been used in makeup across history, and I’m sure applying some beetle-laden makeup would have really fucked some people up. Eyeshadows, blushes, lipsticks...contact with any of these areas, particularly the eyes and mouth, indicate a possibility of infection. 

This does, however, leave a fifteen year (ish) period where the plague would have been active in this region until Lucio’s death. Historically, diseases can last such broad swathes of time. For the sake of displaying precedent, I will point out some examples here:

The Black Death, lasting 1346-1353

The third cholera pandemic, lasting 1846-1860

The third plague pandemic, a major bubonic plague like the Black Death, lasting 1855-1960

The HIV/AIDS pandemic, which has been ongoing since 1981 in the US

However, some of the most devastating plagues have lasted only a few years, which I will touch on later when I discuss Vesuvia’s case of the plague. All of the diseases listed above are additionally categorized with death tolls over a million people.

(On a side note, if you would like to contribute to programs searching for a cure for HIV/AIDS, I will suggest donating to organizations like amfAR, the Black AIDS Institute, or the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, all of which are linked accordingly and deserve your support if you are capable of making a  contribution)

Remaining question: if the last place the plague was seen was in Annyala, more than fifteen years before it was seen in Vesuvia, what the fuck happened during that time beforehand?

Vesuvia - Before the Plague

Here’s the thing. The timeline given by the devs is a fucking mess. So, what I’m going to propose here is almost entirely theory, and I ask that you keep that in mind. 

Lucio ascends to the title of Count by the time he’s about 22 or 23. Spada dies, presumably, and there’s no noticeable mention of his death via plague or the establishment of the court. 

For some fascinating lore on how the government in Vesuvia works, I’m going to point you to this post by @sunrisenfool​, who has one of the biggest brains and is gracious enough to allow me to reference their work a little for this one. 

I don’t think the court as we know it existed when Lucio became Count. I agree with sunrisenfool here that Valdemar has been the Palace’s cockroach for a while - which was actually also confirmed in the Star book of Portia’s route, in which we see Count Prospero (founder of Vesuvia) summon Valdemar and ask for their aid in creating a city that will never die. The remaining courtiers would be gradually established as time continued on, all demons who struck bargains with the Devil in one form or another placed into positions of power alongside Lucio. We also cannot forget Valerius, who made his own deal with the Devil, and played his own role in this scenario.

We know that Lucio was also a pawn, later on, in the Devil’s agenda to bridge the gap between the main world and the Arcane realms. The ritual discussed in Portia’s Star book is described as a vessel to do just that - 

“...every 777 years, the physical and magical world will collide...the laws of magic will no longer be immutable, and the world will bend to our will...So long as the Countship and canals remain whole, so shall the power to reshape the world. You need only await the conjunction. Perform the ritual and lead the city to glory heretofore unknown. I, Count Prospero, first of my line, declare the founding of Vesuvia. The city eternal. My legacy.” - Count Prospero

It’s confirmed after this scene that the ritual, using the canals as a conduit, opened a ‘door’ so to speak to the Arcane realms. It’s also said there is a three year window to perform this ritual, and that at the time of game canon, we are at the end of that three year window. 

So. Borderline conspiracy time. 

Circling back to the lovely sunrisenfool’s work, I’m going to pull a particular excerpt here:

...the Consul of Vesuvia is the second most important/powerful political figure in Vesuvia, directly after the Count/ess. Aside of the political and civic duties I have already explained, the Consul acts as a “protector” of Vesuvia, albeit not in a paternalistic politically-conservative way (which is how paternalistic policies would be understood in our world). Instead, the Consul is meant to rule the City if the Count is absent or incapacitated, therefore being the subsidiary depositary of the secret of the foundation of Vesuvia, and the importance of it’s Canals.

Lucio makes it pretty clear he doesn’t know much of anything about the ritual during Portia’s Star book, but he was told about it by Spada before his death as it was a secret kept close to the court. That gave him something of leverage, even if he wasn’t aware of it, 

My thought as to why the plague did not spread in Vesuvia sooner is that Lucio had knowledge of this ritual, however minimal, and the Devil needed him alive to eventually use the ritual for himself. So, as Vlastomil (the wyrm of pestilence who granted this curse) was established in Vesuvia as Praetor, the plague was kept at bay for the time being while the city came under the full control of the Devil’s demons. 

I cannot imagine the only person who knows about the ritual is the Count, because that feels like a woefully flawed plan, so I do believe the Consul would have also been privy to such a secret in case the Count was in a position they could not share it due to absence or incapacitation. Basically, a rehash of sunrisenfool’s point, but I digress. 

As the window drew nearer for the completion of the ritual and it became clearer that Lucio knew next to nothing about the ritual and how it worked, the Devil decided to take a different approach. The plague was unleashed once again by Vlastomil, with the goal that Lucio become infected and eventually die, and that Valerius take over the Countship. Lucio no longer was useful to the Devil, and should he be removed from power, someone like Valerius - who knew the purpose of the ritual, who was under the Devil’s bargain by this point - would be an ideal candidate to finish the task at hand. Leverage, it works wonders. 

I don’t think the ritual performed to gain a new body could have been mere chance. I think Lucio knew more than he let on about the canals and the magic in Vesuvia from Spada. Yes, I know the first three were written before Portia, but come on, the timing is insane. He’s no magician, and performing something that complex and magically charged right at the beginning of the three year window when the ritual is supposed to be performed feels far from coincidental. Fight me. 

But, on to what happens in Vesuvia once the plague is free to spread again.

Vesuvia - During the Plague

The first sighting of the plague is in year 20, and I personally believe the plague lasted about two years or 24 months. The period is divided into three ‘waves’ - the first six months, the year leading up to Lucio’s death, and the six months following Lucio’s death. 

The First Wave

The first wave begins when the first known case of the Red Plague is confirmed, and in this period, the spread is rather slow.  

Here is the introduction of the Lazaret, which I do believe is a building that existed before the plague - this is personal thoughts, but the odds of this being the first major disease Vesuvia experienced feel pretty slim, and I do think this was a previously established quarantine that was renovated/expanded for the Red Plague outbreak. In an effort to get ahead of the disease, the space was designated a quarantine, largely staffed by volunteers when the palace seemed to not acknowledge the growing situation. It would slowly begin to increase until the plague boomed at the six month mark, heralding the beginning of the second wave. 

The Second Wave

This is the ‘bad period’ of the plague. I say that loosely, because it’s all bad, but I digress. 

I headcanon that the apprentice dies in the beginning of the second wave, when spread of the red plague rapidly begins to increase and the call goes out for researchers to search for a cure. We know how that story goes, so moving on to the details of this wave. 

There were two groups at this point in the plague - those assigned to research, working out of Valdemar’s dungeon/lab/carnival of horrors studying the plague, and those assigned to the Lazaret, caring for the sick and dying and maintaining the facility. 

I’m going to focus more on the Lazaret for this, as the research aspect is pretty well covered throughout Julian’s route and conversations with him in other routes, and this post is already getting long. 

The Lazaret was home to the dying, where they would be cared for in their final days and eventually cremated. My thought is that the remains of the patients were carefully catalogued in the beginning, returned to families willing to claim them, and those left unclaimed were scattered on the beach at the Lazaret. Later on, as more and more people died, less remains were claimed, leading to the black beaches that still mark the shores of the Lazaret in canon. Often the staff here were a mix of healers, doctors, apothecaries, anyone willing to try anything to ease the pain of such a disease. 

The staff at the Lazaret began wearing layered masks - the plague mask with its herb-stuffed beak, another facial covering beneath for an added layer of protection, and a head covering that sealed the gaps between the mask and the face. They were also required to wear gloves, tight-fitted sleeves tucked inside, and their pants tucked into their boots to reduce the risk of infection through contact. Their days would start in locker rooms on one end of the facility, removed from the patients, and suit up for the day while leaving belongings in the lockers. The end of the shift consisted of showers and disposal of garments to be sterilized, they’d return home in the clothes they came in, and by the time they returned a new uniform would be waiting for them. 

Lucio caught the plague during this period, most likely halfway through. He lasted several months, but the exact length is unknown, aside from he ‘lasted longer than most victims of the plague’ who died between 3-10 days.

I don’t think the averages are entirely accurate. There were most likely some who were asymptomatic until the plague was in very late stages, or those who presented symptoms very early on and survived for long stretches of time. All would die bearing the red sclera, veins, and other symptoms depicted above. Basically, this disease is claimed to be unpredictable, and I think that would also stretch to the duration at which each patient had it. Those who were physically frail likely would have died sooner than those who had been in oprtimal health before the plague, making the times vary rather drastically. I’d suggest perhaps a month at the longest, a few days at the shortest. 

Policy wise - during this period, the ports would have closed, and Vesuvia would have shut down. Nobody in, nobody out, not without rigorous inspection and quarantine before exiting to the city to avoid further spread. Often the only people allowed into the city were doctors from other regions affected by the plague called to help research, but during this year, I would estimate Vesuvia lost easily 30% of its population to the Red Plague. 

The Third Wave

This wave is the period that occurs after Lucio’s death at the Masquerade, three years pregame. I’ll touch a tiny bit more more on this in the next section, but this is where we see the gradual end of the spread of the plague, and the last cases shown in Vesuvia. It’s the end of the plague period, and I give this about six months for the official ‘all clear’ to have been given by those tracking case counts. 

The Lazaret is eventually decommissioned and now sits abandoned, a shadow on the horizon to remind those who survived what had been lost. The city mourned, the gates slowly opened, and gradually, we reach the point of comparative normalcy we see in the game set three years later. 

Vesuvia - The Aftermath

Lucio’s death would, ultimately, mean the end of the plague. Rather than immediately disappearing and all those suffering from it be cured, however, I would be inclined to say that the spread came to a halt. 

The last wave of the plague, in the six months after Lucio’s death, would have been a decrease in new cases until there were no new ones being reported, and the last of the patients who had been infected finally passed. 

The final duties of the doctors at the Lazaret, after all remains are cremated, would have been the incineration of all materials that could not be sterilized. Linens, spare uniforms, unclaimed personal affects, so on and so forth until the time came to return home. I do not remember the exact location, but I am fairly confident of a mention of the MC remembering barrels burning doctor’s uniforms and masks in the days after the end of the plague. It was, for a lack of better words, a purge - an attempt to erase the last physical memories of what the city had endured. 

Events like this are traumatic for all involved. They are painful wounds, and for the rate of death I imagine occurred in Vesuvia, the odds that someone lost no one are slim. There was likely a long period of mourning, and as noted in the present of the game, rarely is the plague spoken of outside of the context of the investigation in the primary routes. 

Many of those medical staff members who survived were those assigned to research at the Palace. The proximity of the staff to the ill at the Lazaret quarantine likely would have made the rate of infection far higher for the caretakers, meaning that often the staff would end up caring for colleagues in their final days. 

Even three years removed, the time of the plague is a raw wound for those in Vesuvia - but I do think the period is fascinating and I love exploring the different facets of it in my own world building. And, well, shameless self promo, but I am eager to write it myself when I get into Zelda’s backstory.

If you made it this far, thank you. Go drink some water or something, idk, wellbeing checkpoint bc what a long ass post

[queenof-literature]

I know that you just posted your Rito story and I loved. I can't wait for more! I noticed it mentioned Wild blushing when asked to sing one of Kass's song. I am pretty sure it's Kass's final song, and thought it would be cute if one of the other Links hears Wild singing under his breath (maybe while cooking) and the story and song get dragged out of him.

Hi! Thank you so much! I wasn't quite sure what you meant by song and story, but I used Kass' final song with the story of Wild's death and the story with Kass' teacher, so it got a little angsty. I hope that all is okay. If not, please let me know and I wil l write a different one! Thank you for the request!

It had been a rough day. The group had landed in Hyrule’s land, and had instantly been attacked by groups of monsters with insane amounts of bloodlust. Luckily, there weren’t any injuries that couldn’t be fixed with a potion or two. Some scrapes here, some sprained ankles there, physically they were fine. But they were absolutely exhausted.

Wild was making a hearty stew for his friends before they turned in early that night. Four was leaning against a tree, book in hand. Warriors and Legend were playing a weird card game that involved slapping each other’s hands as hard as possible while Wind and Hyrule watched and made fun of them both. Time and Twilight were chatting and laughing softly, while Sky was already dozing off on a tree near Four’s. Overall, it was a tired peace that made Wild’s heart swell.

He never really got this peace before he met the other heroes. It was always sleeping in trees away from monsters, or riding through the night to discover new shrines, or pushing forward to save Zelda and other villages infected by the Calamity. This was peaceful, something that Wild wasn’t used to, but didn’t really hate like he thought he would when he first met them.

“For fierce and deadly trials await. To regain his strength. Fulfill his fate.” Wild didn’t really notice when he began to sing softly as he was stirring his stew. He also didn’t notice the rest of camp slowly getting quiet, or Four elbowing Sky in the ribs. His eyes had grown distant as he continued to sing softly. “To become a hero once again. To wrest the princess from her den.” The rest of the Links looked at each other silently. Wild had a pretty voice from what they could hear. Pretty in a way that it was unique, and rough from lack of use, but also soft and comforting. He almost looks like he doesn’t notice what he’s doing. Should they tell him? 

“The hero, the princess-hand in hand-Must bring the light back to this land.” Wild finished just as soft as he began, like he had sung the song millions of times before. But he realized he felt eyes on him. He looked up to see the entire camp staring at him, even Sky, all with confusion and a bit of awe. Oh dear Hylia. Wild yanked his hood up to find his bright red face as he realized what he had done. ‘I am so sorry.’ Wild signed ‘Sometimes I do that without noticing. I didn’t mean to interrupt you all I promise. I’ll stop. Just let me know when I do it in the future, sorry I just didn’t notice-’ Twilight and the rest of the boys had gathered around Wild, but still gave him space. Twilight gently put his hands over Wild’s. He didn’t like doing that if he didn’t have to, Wild sometimes expressed himself only through sign and he never wanted to get in the way of that. But if he let Wild continue too far, he would spiral into a dark place where it was harder to pull him from. All of the Heroes of Courage had that issue. Sometimes it was better to stop the train of loathing and questioning before it got too far off the track. 

“Don’t apologize about what you do while you make us dinner, Cub” Twilight teased gently, taking his hands off of Wild’s. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, we all got our habits. Besides, ya got a pretty singin’ voice.” Twilight smiled, while Wild simply flushed further into his hood, at this point his face was the most red thing Twilight had ever seen.

“Yeah Wild! I knew you would have a pretty voice!” Wind exclaimed. The group couldn’t see Wild’s eyes at all, but they could see his lips twitch upwards slightly at the younger’s enthusiasm. 

“Ummm… thank you.” Wild said softly, still not coming out of his hood. 

“Can you sing us the whole song? If you’re comfortable of course.” Wind asked hesitantly. He wanted to hear the rest of Wild’s song, but he didn’t want Wild to feel forced into anything. The group looked at Wind in slight shock. They hadn’t expected anyone to ask the blatant question no one else wanted to ask, but Wind was good at that. The shy boy somehow managed to get even more flustered, his face so red he looked like he was about to explode. 

“W-well.” Wild was slightly stuttering again, not that the group minded. It wasn’t just nerves, Wild couldn’t talk very well when the group first found him, so he mostly signed like he did to others in his Hyrule that needed help. Through sign, they discovered that he was actually very witty and fun, but it turns out not using your voice for more than a hundred years and having rough scars around your neck made it a little hard to talk.

“My voice isn’t very good, maybe Kass could sing it to you? It’s better with the accordion anyway.” Wild said nervously.

“Your voice is very good Wild!” Sky urged. 

“If you’re okay with singing it we don’t need the music Wild.” Time stated. “But no one's forcing ya. We would love to hear it, but only if ya want to sing it.” Wild pondered these words. Ever since he started talking verbally again, he tried to push himself out of his silent shell with help from the other heroes. Maybe singing was the next step? 

Once again, Wild felt weak. He could take down entire camps of monsters, defeat Calamity, and kill Guardians with a single ancient arrow to the eye, but he couldn’t talk to people properly. He had relayed those thoughts to Twilight before, how useless he felt sometimes that he could be strong except in the face of normal, everyday people. Twilight had told him that it was perfectly okay, and that everyone had their struggles and fears, but Wild still felt stupid sometimes. 

“I guess… If you really wanna hear it…” Wild emerged from his hood slightly. Maybe it would prove he wasn't as weak as he thought? Wind cheered and put his head in his hands, waiting. The rest of the group smiled, and Twilight patted his arm for encouragement. 

“An ancient hero. A calamity appears. Now resurrected after 10,000 years”

The other heroes are surprised when Wild starts singing. It’s still soft, and it’s still rough, but Wind is right. Wild’s voice has a nice comfort in it.

“Her appointed knight, gives his life. Shields her figure and pays the price.”

Wait, what? Wild’s death is part of the song? And the words, shielding her figure, did Wild take every Guardian laser for Zelda? How did he make it to the Shrine of Resurrection? Oh Wild…

“The princess’ love for her fallen knight, awakens her power and calamity cowers. But the knight survives in the Shrine of Resurrection. He sleeps. Until from his healing dream he leaps.”

Anger fills the group at this. It was known that Wild was in the Shrine? Why did no one check on him? Why did no one keep guard so he wouldn’t be alone and scared when he woke up? Sure it was 100 years, but did no one get suspicious? Especially with elders who saw the fall of Hyrule!

“For fierce and deadly trials await, to regain his strength, fulfill his fate. To become a hero once again. To wrest the princess from Evil's den.” Wild finishes his song while looking around the camp with nervous eyes. Some of the boys looked troubled. Was he really that bad? At Wild’s nervous look, most of the boys snapped out of their stupur and began applauding, Warriors whistling at an ear piercing volume while the others whooped and hollered. Wild, who had kept his hood on to feel a small amount of security at revealing his voice in such a vulnerable way, hid within it once again, except it was a different embarrassment this time, he was relieved he had done it and gotten through it. But the group could see a smile threatening to break out. It was a sweet sight. 

‘Thank you’ Wild signed with fingers trembling from the adrenaline of singing in front of all eight heroes. 

“No problem, Buddy.” Twilight clapped his back.

“Yeah Wild! Thanks for trusting us enough to sing that song!” Hyrule smiled across the campfire. A smile that Wild returned instantly. Hyrule and Wild related to each other in this way. They spent so much time away from civilization and traveling the woods, it was sometimes scary to go back. All of the boys were smiling at him, except for Time. He looked solemn and serious. 

“You okay, Old Man?” Four questioned. Time turned to Wild, look serious. Wild hadn’t been this intimidated by Time since he had first met the man.

“Wild… how many times did those things’ lasers hit you?” Time said the word ‘things’ with such malice the entire group got chills.

“Time.” Twilight whispered urgently. Wild didn’t like to talk about his death one hundred years ago. 

“It says you shielded the princess. How. Many. Times?” Time asked coolly. On the inside he was livid. He was trying so hard not to take it out on Twilight’s protege, because it wasn’t his fault. None of it was, no matter how much he blamed himself, Wild was sent into the situation to die. He took blast after blast with his own body, and he still didn’t make it to Ganon. His friends all died except Zelda who he shielded with his own body.    

“U-um. I don’t remember. I-I guess. Maybe five? Six? I-I’m sorry Time. I-I don’t remember.” Twilight put a hand on Wild’s shoulder when the boy’s breath hitched slightly, jolting Time out of his external anger. The rest of the camp were looking at him in confusion, or in some cases, (Legend), anger.

“I’m sorry Wild I didn't mean to spring that upon you. I was just mad. Not at you.” Time rished the last part in when he saw Wild open his mouth to apologize again. “I was mad at your situation. Wild… you didn’t deserve that. No one would ever deserve that but Hylia, not you kid.” Wild tilted his head in confusion. It would have been slightly cute if the next words hadn’t come out of his mouth. 

“But I failed.” Wild said like it was the most natural thing on the planet. There was an uncomfortable silence in the group, then a descent into chaos. 

“Failed?”

"Wild, no!”

“How the fuck was Calamity’s shit actions your fault? He’s the fucking monster that fucked up Hyrule!”

“Dear Hylia, Wind. Language. He’s right though Wild, it was Ganon’s fault.”

“Wild it wasn’t your fault, it was Ganon’s.”

Wild appreciated the support, but all their voices began blurring together. Tears pricked at his eyes, Twilight’s hand on his shoulder burned hotter than a Guardians laser. It all became too much too fast. 

“It was my fault!” Wild yelled. That halted the group in their tracks. Wild yelled sure. When he was in his environment he would yell while shield surfing, or talking about a crazy plan he had, but this was in anger and despair. Wild harshly brushed Twilight’s hand off, trying to ignore the slight hurt in his eyes. 

“I doomed Hyrule! By the time Zelda unlocked her power I had collapsed. My body quit on me! I quit on all of Hyrule! The other champions died! Why am I the only one left? Kass told me the story of his teacher! He was Zelda’s age and he fell in love with her, but she loved me! I don’t even know if I loved her back! She doesn’t deserve what she was put through! No one does! I did that to them, that was all me! I failed! I got hit with laser after laser after laser but I had to keep going! But I couldn’t, I didn’t even make it the castle! Kass’ teacher was mad I wasn’t a noble or royalty, and he was right! Zelda deserved better! She and I are the only ones left! All the other champions died because of me! Why am I the only one? Why am I still here? Why am I-” Wild choked on his last words on a sob. His entire rant, tears began to cascade down his face as the group looked on in horror.

Wild couldn’t hold it in anymore. He cried and he grieved and he yelled. Wild didn’t feel the white and burning rage anymore, he just felt the despair and sorrow he had been keeping in for years, only releasing a couple of times in small doses. When Twilight reached out to gently touch his hand, it didn’t feel like lava from Death Mountain anymore, it felt warm and loving and Wild simply leaned into it, silently telling Twilight it was okay.

“Oh, Cub.” Twilight murmured before pulling Wild to his chest. Wild curled up in his mentor's arms and allowed himself to sob over all the losses he had felt. His sobs grew harder and he felt like a child, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t breath, his sobs overlapping and clogging his lungs. One of his hands was pulled away from where it was curled into Twilight’s tunic and he whined. 

“Just me kiddo. You gotta breathe with me.” His hand was led to a different chest. Legend, Wild recognized in the back of his mind. Legend exaggerated his breaths for Wild to copy. The first time he tried, he simply choked more and shook his head. “That’s alright, you can do it. Another try.” Legend said gently. Wild would be laughing in a different situation. The word gentle and Legend wouldn’t be put together when he had first met the snarky hero. Wild tried again with a little more success. Legend kept helping him as another hand went through his hair. Four.

“I’m so sorry, Wild.” Wind said from across camp. The younger felt guilty that he had started this when asking if Wild could sing. Wild wanted to reassure that this wasn’t his fault at all, that this had just been building, but he couldn’t talk. Luckily, Warriors and Hyrule were there to cover for him, talking quietly to Wind on the other side of camp. Wind shook it off though, Wild needed them more.

Wild had calmed down slightly. Still crying, and still curled up in Twilight's arms and getting help from Four and Legend. But once he was sure he could hear him, Time spoke up. 

“Wild, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to grill you that hard. That was my mistake.” Wild opened his mouth to tell him that it was okay, he knew Time had no malintent, but Time continued on. “Wild. I need you to understand something. What happened wasn’t your fault.” Wild opened his mouth to correct Time, but Time was having none of it. “No, it wasn’t your fault Wild. I’m not saying that to comfort you or baby you. What you were sent into was an execution Wild.” Twilight's wolf instincts got loud in his head and he almost snapped at Time for being so harsh but stopped himself. He remembered Time told him once after he took Wild under his wing, that mentoring wasn’t just about kind words and support. It was also about knowing when to state hard facts. Sometimes that’s all people understood. 

“No one knew what Ganon had planned, and you had no time to prepare because of the mistakes of those before you. You had nothing to do with their ignorance, Wild.” Time’s face was set in stone, but his eyes showed a fiery passion for every word he was saying. “Wild. Look at me please, bud.” Wild peeked out from Twilight’s shoulder and looked into Time’s eyes, which softened as he met the younger hero’s sky blue eyes. “It wasn’t your fault, because you couldn’t control anything around you. You are not a God. You have the limitations of a Hylian that you already find ways to exceed. Wild, you were so brave. You took hit after hit to protect Zelda. And her powers awakened right before you collapsed. Do you blame her for not unlocking them sooner.” Instantly Wild’s eyes became hard, and he opened his mouth to bite into Time, who could see where this was leading just by the expression on Wild’s face. He held up a hand. “I’m not saying you should. I’m saying that she also had limitations that were out of her control, just like you. If you don’t blame Zelda, why do you blame yourself?” That one stumped Wild a bit. He wanted to say because Zelda was born into a family she never asked to be in, and worked hard everyday to fulfill their expectations… but he was in the same situation. Did Zelda feel the same way he did when he sorrowfully watched her blame herself? Time saw he struck a chord.

“I understand feeling like a failure. I lost battles too. But you did what you could do with what very little of the situation you could control. You said it yourself, you took laser after laser for her, and you only collapsed after you were sure she was safe. The safety of others is the only thing that kept you going, Wild. I’m not saying I approve of you taking lasers for others, but do you realize how much of a hero you are?” Tears flowed from Wild’s eyes once again, but for another reason entirely. Time really cared. He really thought Wild was a hero, even after he heard the song, the stories, the death. He heard it all, and the Hero of Time still thought Wild belonged with them. Wild whispered a quick thank you, and the rest of the group sighed in relief. Wild’s sobs had turned to hiccups as the rest of the group told him similar things to Time. It didn’t feel suffocating this time, it just felt like his eight brothers were trying to comfort him. Wild felt a weight lifted off his shoulders he had felt for so long. Time knew Wild would still struggle with his feelings of failure, one night wouldn’t change that, but he hoped he got through to Wild for the long run, at least a little. 

Wild realized how absolutely exhausted he was before this whole ordeal even started, which only increased tenfold now that he had cried. He was embarrassed that he had lost his shit that much in front of all eight heroes, and realized with a jolt how exhausted they had been too. 

“Um. I’m sorry, I know you all were really tired. I didn’t mean to have this happen-” He was cut off with a flick to his unscarred ear by Legend and a small yank on his ear by Four while Wild yelped.

“What did we just talk about you idiot?” Legend hissed, but it lacked the usual bite he had. 

“Yeah Wild! Don’t be sorry. Everyone needs a good cry once in a while! It’s healthy! I’m a medical professional, you have to listen to me.” Hyrule added with a joking glare. Some snickers rang through the group at Hyrule’s proclamation. Time looked over and smiled in pride at Wild, which Wild returned with red dusting on his cheeks. Hearing all his brothers laughing and fighting, and feeling the comforting arms around him, Wild slowly dozed off into a deep sleep, feeling lighter than he had in years.  

[yasmeensh]

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link - The lore

I know this is an art blog but i can’t contain myself and I need to talk about zelda2 lore. Why? You all heard about the botw sequel being darker, much darker. And people made connections to Majora’s mask, because it was a dark sequel. But you know what? Zelda 2 was also a dark sequel. Nintendo are doing it for a THIRD time and I'm proud. Sit tight and maybe grab a snack because this will probably be a long passion essay. Here we go.

Most of you MIGHT be familiar with the storyline of Zelda2, but in summary, here is how it goes: Princess Zelda from an ancient time has been put to spell by a curse. Only the power of the full triforce touched by a pure heart can wake her. Finally after hundreds of years, the chosen one came along (Link). Link must place 6 crystals in 6 palaces to break the spell on the Great palace where the Triforce of courage is enclosed. Once there, he takes the triforce, completes it with the other two pieces, and wakes zelda up. The End.

And Here is the story in MORE detail (unless you are in a hurry , I recommend you read it. The top summary is just for people who have no clue what the story is:

    The king of hyrule always passes down the power of the triforce to his son next-to-be-king. This time however, he wants to give it to his daughter, Zelda, because he believes she is wiser and more considerate than the son. The son was very upset about it and has summoned a wizard to scare the princess and give up the triforce to him. The wizard however, overcome with hatred towards zelda, uses all his magic to put her to an eternal sleep, and he dies (only recently in the hyrule historia has the identity of the wizard been revealed: he is a follower of Ganon, or an embodiment of ganon himself (sort of like ghost ganon in oot or blight ganons in botw. So in this case he might have not died but just extinguished all his powers)). The son, overcome with grief for his sister, promises that every girl born into the Royal family henceforth will be named Zelda. He locks the triforce of courage far away, so only those worthy of it will be able to access it, and leaving the remaining two in the castle, unable to use its full power.

Hundreds of years have passed by and no worthy hero came by, until now. On his 16th birthday, Link noticed that a mark resembling the triforce glowed on his left hand. Worried and Confused, he goes to seek information on it from Impa. She tells him that he is the hero chosen to save the sleeping princess Zelda. She gave Link a scroll written in ancient text that only the true hero can read to ensure that he is in fact the chosen one. Link was able to read it despite never seeing that language before. The Great Palace where the triforce of courage lies is locked with a spell. The spell comes from 6 different temples, and he must break part of the spell at each temple so he can open the gates of the Palace. To do that, A crystal must be placed in each, and that is exactly what he does.

While Link is going on his journey, the minions of Ganon are going after him, trying to capture him and use his blood to revive Ganon (It’s unclear if they want him alive or dead, or simply his blood. All we know is they want to use Link’s blood in a sacrifice to bring Ganon back from the dead). If Link dies, Ganon will be revived, so he must remain alive. At the end of the trial to the triforce of courage, Link was made to fight his own shadow by the triforce keeper. After defeating his shadow, he made the triforce whole again, wished for the curse on Princess Zelda to break, and she woke. The End.

Now that is my extensive summary on the official story. Obviously I will fill in now MY theories on some points. My biggest point is Link fighting his shadow. Why did Link have to fight his shadow? Why was Link not ready to touch the triforce? He already went through ALL the trials, so why this now? My theory is that Link’s heart was not pure. Only a pure heart must touch the triforce. A corrupted heart will corrupt the world when the triforce is touched, no matter what the wish is. Link was most likely the chosen hero, but he is not completely pure. I believe Link was made to fight his shadow as a final step to touching the triforce; to cleanse his heart from any evils that are in it. Why would Link be evil and corrupt? I don’t know, but that’s hella dark.     Another point, that can be connected to BoTW, is Link’s death, and the revival of Ganon. If you played AoL before, then you are familiar with the red screen of death and Ganon’s evil laughter. Well, if Link dies, that means Ganon will return. That means Link should NEVER die. But he is not a god or eternal deity. He will die at some point during his journey after the events of the game or simply from old age, or whatever. He will die. At this point, if the people of Hyrule really want Ganon to remain dead, then Link should simply disappear once he dies. If he were to be buried, they have to hide his body somewhere the monsters will NEVER reach. I have no idea where that could be: the dungeons of hyrule castle? Something similar to the Great Palace? Maybe. The better option is to burn him, but I don’t know if people in Hyrule do that (they probably should in this case because yikes Ganon)

Where am I going with this? I’m not sure, but It vaguely reminded me of Ganon(dorf) coming back to life in the new BoTW trailer. Who was he even? A new ganondorf? Or one we already know?

Lets go back… what about AoL Link’s death? Another option for keeping Link out of the hands of Ganon’s minions is for him to never die. To be absolutely safe, protected, and strong enough to protect himself, and to live eternally. And I know the people of hyrule (at some point) will have that technology available, because BoTW Link was revived after his death. Link can probably die countless of times and still continue to live because of that shiekah tech. Now about the tech, AoL seems too middle ages, right? WELL… this is going to sound dumb but the temples in AoL have elevator thingies in them. Shiekah technology? Maybe. It could be a manual pulley system. Or pure magic. We don’t know, but we are a step closer at least.

BASICALLY i see a lot of similar points between these two games and idk if nintendo accidentally did that or took inspiration from aol but its cool that these two games share the concept of the kind of tragedy hyrule will go through if link dies and the idea of Ganom coming back to life.     Why am I even getting into BoTW… let’s get back to AoL lore! If you played AoL, you might be familiar with the Link dolls. Dolls that save Link from death (i.e extra lives) those dolls are pretty creepy and they look like a tiny hunched over limb Link. They are scattered throughout all of hyrule, and you find them in random weird places, like at the beach, in a swamp, inside a temple, in a cave, near a graveyard, forest, etc. They are everywhere. Who put these dolls there? No one knows. But someone is totally trying to save Link from dying on his journey. If he dies, Hyrule is screwed. Could it be Goddess Hylia? The fairies? A magician? Link Dolls are extremely strange and Nintendo could have gone more in depth on them because they provide some super cool dark lore.

Also we can’t forget about Kasuto Town. All the inhabitants of the town went to camp in the forest because their town was destroyed. Why? No one knows, again (everything in this game is shrouded in mystery). There is only a single man living there in old Kasuto. Kasuto town is entirely destroyed, all the buildings are decaying and crumbling, the air looks nasty and the sky is purple. There are ghosts EVERYWHERE. And if Link didn’t acquire the cross before entering, he will not see the ghosts at all and will just die from being hit by what looks like air. Now the civilians! The civilians are hiding in the forest! In-game, you will never be able to find them unless you hit a random block of grass with the hammer, and then it will appear. They are well hidden. Something must have destroyed their town, something terrifying, and they are hiding from it. The entire population has gone to hide in the depths of the forest. Now I have a theory that these people COULD be related to the shiekah. Those people are magic experts. You learn something called The Spell in old kasuto. And in new kasuto, you use this spell to raise a small temple from the GROUND to get the key in it (idk man but reminds me of the shrines) You also receive the final magic container there. So, yeah, those people definitely have a magic obsession or *super powers*. (i’m hinting at it but these people could be the shiekah). Also one more thing, these people are begging Link to save hyrule. They are the only people who are begging him to do something. They know HE will save hyrule. In all other towns, it only seems like Link is asking for advice and they answer Link is a random nobody. However, the people of Kasuto are AWARE. (shiekah much? idk)

This is not too lore-y but it’s about how dark this game is: there is so much red in it. Game over screen is red. The lining of the triforce on Link’s hand is red. The windows in the temples are stained red (blood?). The Tinsuit sprites have fresh blood dripping down their swords. Also, sleeping Zelda’s dress is red. I can’t brush that off. Whenever I think of AoL I think of the colour red. There is so much to say about AoL... But what I want to say is that this game is HELLA dark. I hope Nintendo uses its lore in future games, and adds references, because it can totally work if they try to. This game has a lot of lore material to work with. Nintnedo should consider expanding on it (and botw was inspired by loz1, it would only make sense if the sequel will mirror the original loz sequel too :3)

PLEASe share your ideas! I’d love to hear what you all think! There are many ideas to go around so share your thoughts! And one last thing, AoL is very difficult. If you want to try it, be prepared to see the colour red a lot, cry a lot, and rage quit a lot.

Thank you for reading my very long post! Enjoy your day <3 <3 <3

[zeldauniverse]

If you played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, you know that one of the game’s vital features is cooking. The possibilities felt endless; you can cook many combinations of food and get a seemingly endless number of results.

Have you ever wanted to taste some of the cooked food you cooked in Breath of the Wild? The Legend’s Cookbook is the gateway to those fantasies. The Legend’s Cookbook is a Legend of Zelda inspired cookbook featuring recreations of the amazing dishes from games we enjoy so much.

We sat down with three of the team members behind The Legend’s Cookbook, and they shared their thoughts about the cookbook and what readers (and eaters!) can look forward to.

Zelda Universe: What made you decide to create a Legend of Zelda inspired cookbook?

Peter Abreu, Lead Chef: There were a lot of factors that went into us wanting to do this. People are spending more money eating out than cooking at home, and we can start to change that trend. We figure if we make cooking something fun, uncomplicated and interesting, we can really change people’s lives.

We love the Zelda series, we’re huge fans. We are in love with the stories, characters and art style. Do you know what is at the very core of that series? Being a hero and saving the world. All of us on the team want to do something like that. The absolute goal here is that one of the recipes in this book becomes a staple in someone’s diet, that it changes the way they go about their dietary lifestyle and their life improves from that change. If we manage to do that, then we’ve done it.

We want everyone to cook like a hero, what better place to draw inspiration from than a series that brought that concept so near and dear to our hearts?

Matt Mannheimer, Producer: It’s one of those things where you play something and you’re like “what if that was real?” That was some of our mindsets when wanting to make some of these inspired recipes from the games. From there we poured our heart into it. With our passion for gaming and the [Zelda] series in general, it made us do our research and figure out what will be the perfect fit for these recipes.

ZU: What types of recipes and foods from the Zelda series are you taking inspiration from?

Peter: The recipes in this cookbook are original, real world recipes inspired by The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. We have baked goods, breakfast foods, dinner items, healthy snacks, sweet desserts and so much more! We’re starting with 50 recipes and we want to add even more as stretch goals. For those stretch goals, we are going to add things like cocktails, more creative dishes, and even recipes inspired by the other games in the Zelda series.

Matt: This whole cookbook is from the perspective of the hero. The hero recollecting his time from his adventure, writing down these recipes, fighting monsters, going through dungeons. You know the whole drill! That’s what makes it special; it’s a cookbook that has a story behind it. Not just in the gaming world, but also in real life. If you have enjoyed Mother’s Cookbook or Batter’s Almanac, you’re probably going to enjoy this one.

ZU: Will this cookbook be enjoyed by those who may not know the Zelda franchise?

Peter: Absolutely, we like to keep cooking simple and accessible. This is not going to be a cookbook only for Zelda fans. This cookbook is not going to bash people over the head with references and in-jokes but there will be several subtle allusions and (literal) Easter eggs. We want this to be a guide for everyone, newcomers and veterans to the kitchen and the Zelda series.

The ultimate compliment is for someone to fall in love with the recipes, art, and photos in our cookbook, first, and then realize it draws a lot of inspiration from their favorite series, second.

Matt: You don’t have to know everything about the [Zelda] series to get into this book. I feel its for everyone. I definitely don’t know everything about the [Zelda] series, but whenever I look at these recipes, and the pictures, I’m drawn into it. There are recipes that range from easy to difficult, but they’re so much fun to make. They’re fun to make and are all delicious.

Patrick Deasy, Photographer: I’m probably the biggest normie of the bunch, I’m not much of a gamer. I’ve been able to try out these recipes and I can tell you from an outsiders perspective that this is definitely a cookbook first and a piece of nerd memorabilia later.

ZU: If you had to recommend a recipe to somebody who may be new to cooking, what would it be?

Peter: The rock-hard candy. Our rock candy recipe is simple and delicious. You can do it at home, it’s super easy and very enjoyable. This is for all those with a sweet tooth. Here, I’ll share it with you:

Rock Hard Candy

Ingredients:

2 Cups of White Sugar

1 Cup of Water

3/4 Cup of Light Corn Syrup

1/4 Cup of Pomegranate Juice

Powdered Sugar for Dusting

Directions:

In a saucepan, combine sugar, water, and corn syrup.

Heat up the pan over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the white sugar is dissolved completely with the water and corn syrup. It is important to stir gently after sugar has dissolved to prevent burning, Use a candy thermometer to watch the temperature of the mixture and let it hit to the hard crack stage of 300F (149C).

Once there, remove from it from heat and add in the pomegranate juice, slowly. Mix it in.

Then, pour the hot candy into a 9”x9” baking pan covered in parchment paper that’s been dusted with powdered sugar, so the candy doesn’t stick. Leave it out in the open air uncovered and let the candy harden and cool completely.

Then the fun part, break into chunks with a hammer and then enjoy.

Matt: The Legends Cookbook is here to give you a culinary adventure: just go for it. If there’s a recipe you really wanna make, just do it. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want it the first time, just keep trying. With these recipes, we just want you to become a better chef.

ZU: Which recipe from this cookbook are you most excited about?

In The Legend’s Cookbook, the Dubious Food tastes really good; a lot more than you would expect. It’s even pixilated, like in Breath of the Wild!

Peter: The recipe I am most excited for is the one inspired by Dubious Food. It was the very first item I wanted to try and make in the kitchen. It was something just so disgusting yet edible, it was a fun idea and I wanted to make it. It was hard but I really enjoyed all different ways to make the food turn purple and look gross yet taste amazing. The final product just came out so great and it tasted delicious.

I pulled heavily from learning how to cook coq au vin from Anthony Bourdain and his show Parts Unknown. He was a was a huge inspiration for me as a chef. I really resonated with him because, like him, I spent a lot of my traveling the world, learning different cultures and food. I wanted to bring that same spirit of travel and exploration, a concept also very core to the Zelda series, to this cookbook as well as honor him with one of my favorite dishes he made. Hours upon hours in the kitchen later, I’ve created a questionable but inviting twist on coq au vin that you will all enjoy.

Matt: The meaty rice balls. I couldn’t stop eating them! They were so good! I don’t know how Peter does it, but that meat was the most delicious thing I ever tasted. It’s sweet, it’s GOOD.

Patrick: This is pretty basic, but I was pretty amazed when I got to see Peter make the fried rice for a couple of the dishes. I’ve never been able to do it right, so knowing that it’s in the cookbook is pretty exciting for me. Also the Rock Hard Food is pretty rad. It’s like a hard candy that’s flavored with pomegranate juice and it’s great. Meaty Rice balls are fantastic. It’s spicy and sweet and wonderful. I almost forgot about the Dubious Food, that one is awesome. That one is definitely my favorite.

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ZU: How will this cookbook stand out from other video game inspired cookbooks?

Peter: Our cookbook stands out from other cookbooks because it has a unique style and page layout. Have you opened a modern cookbook recently? Go to your local Target and find your way to the book section and look for their book section. Find a cookbook on the shelf and pick it up, look at it. You see beautiful food and a recipe. That’s usually it.

Our cookbook stands out because from the very inception, we are designing it like a field guide. In the margins are little watercolor drawings of stunning vistas, charcoal studies of various herbs and plants, little notes tucked in here or there. Our cookbook is rough around the edges and that’s the point, we want it to feel like you’ve found something personal and real when you pick it up. We want you to bust out your own pen and inks and add to it, there’s space! This may be our cookbook but we want you to make it your cookbook.

Matt: This project consists of a group of best friends; we’re all working on this together; we’re on the same wavelength. But were also big fans of the [Zelda] series and gaming in general. Were putting time into each and every recipe. I know Peter has done countless hours of research on every single recipe.

Everyone on our team is professional; we have several animation students. We have someone who worked on the Archer (the TV show), we have someone who worked from SEGA, that’s me! This team has come from different sides of the gaming, animation and art community. I feel like our relationships show from this cookbook.

Patrick: The thing that really separates this cookbook, I know I’ve been saying this a lot, but most video game cookbook’s I’ve seen have been very novelty, and most of them are just decoration guides for baked goods. This is not just a novelty decoration guide, we are not internet celebrities, we are a bunch of people who just really care about cooking.

ZU: A Kickstarter for this cookbook is coming up (May 2019); why should people support and back this project?

Peter: We hope, we really do hope, that people support our project. This is going to be something you’ll want to show other people and it is going to inspire you to cook for them as well. If you like cooking, if you like games or you want to just have a real piece of art to hang out on your bookshelf, this is for you.

Matt: The Kickstarter were hoping to have that up in May. We’re working really hard on this, we’re trying to make recipes that everyone can enjoy; a culinary adventure. This is one of my favorite projects I got to work on my entire life. The food is SO good. I’m serious about those meaty rice balls! I feel like with the team, partnering with TheYetee and the recipes, this will make for an amazing product.

We’re also working with The Yetee on this project! They will help with distribution, fulfillment, back rewards. I think partnering with TheYetee was amazing, and you’re gonna see a lot of stuff in the future that we’re excited to show off.

Patrick: If you wanted to know what the foods tasted like in Breath of the Wild, this is pretty much the closest you’re gonna get.

ZU: Anything else you want to share about the Zelda cookbook project?

Peter: We have so much more to tell but we want to save a few secrets. I’ll tell you what is no secret, we’ve partnered with The Yetee to help fulfill backer rewards and also produce a few of them. They are an amazing company and we are so happy to work with them. They’re gonna be a big help.

Here’s something that is a secret, but I’ll share it with you. We have a discord server that people can join and hang out in. People are invited to join, cook with us, and go on a culinary adventure! Here’s the invite: discord.gg/wGznSn9. It’s a secret, tell everyone.

Matt: We’re opening our public discord right now! If you wanna chat with the team, look at behind the scenes content, talk about the cookbook, join up in our server! We’ll also have a Twitter and Instagram open to check out. We really wanna hear from everyone.

Patrick: We’re trustworthy dudes and definitely Not A Scam ™ :^) Our discord is neat :^)

Thanks to Peter, Matt, and Patrick for taking time out of their schedule for the interview. We hope you’re looking forward to their upcoming cookbook project. A Kickstarter for The Legend’s Cookbook is launching mid-May; we will continue to share new details as they are announced. We will update with a link to the Kickstarter campaign after it begins.

If you’d like to communicate with the people behind the cookbook project, you can follow them on Twitter or join their Discord server. The team is always looking to engage with patrons, food lovers and Zelda fans alike.

Cook like a Hero: An interview with the team behind The Legend’s Cookbook If you played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, you know that one of the game’s vital features is cooking.

[gamersonthego]

Chase Koeneke’s Top 10 Handheld Games of 2019

With the Switch in full gear and the debut of Apple Arcade, 2019 was another solid year for handheld games. Sequels to many of my favorite games were plentiful, but very few absolutely blew me away. And a few games I really loved (Slay The Spire, Return Of The Obra Dinn, Super Mega Baseball 2) were handheld ports of previous games I didn’t feel super great about adding to my list. So instead, I left this final year of the decade feeling content, and that’s perfectly OK too. So here are 10 games I liked this year, even if I didn’t love them.

10. Tetris 99 (Switch)

I love pretty much all iterations of Tetris. From the iconic Game Boy release I would play in the car, to the Facebook-based Tetris Friends that kept me company through many boring lectures in college, to last year’s gorgeous and powerful Tetris Effect, Tetris is A-OK with me.

Battle royale games on the other hand? Not so much. Despite enjoying shooters in general, I’ve yet to play a single match of PUBG, Fortnite or Apex Legends, and I’m not itching to change that anytime soon. But I found the mechanics of the battle royale genre to translate rather brilliantly to Tetris. It’s a thin experience (even with the expansions made to the game), but it’s an addictive one. And the fact I never quite crested the mountaintop – even if I did get a second place finish to video game Santa himself, Wario64 – is one of my biggest 2019 gaming regrets.

9. Mini Motorways (Apple Arcade)

Dinosaur Polo Club’s previous game, Mini Metro, made my top games of 2016 list, so it’s not surprising to see their latest game show up on this year’s list. What is a little surprising is how much of what could be said about Mini Metro can be echoed here on Mini Motorways. From my 2016 write-up:

Mini Metro wins my heart for its amazing ability to be serenely relaxing and nail-bitingly stressful simultaneously. Watching the train cars move back and forth around the sharp, minimalistic map brings a calming sense of satisfaction, but when the ever-growing amount of train stations hits critical mass, there were few experiences more harrowing this year. The basic strategy is smart and layered, preferring to let you experiment rather than tutorializing you to death up front.

You could remove the word “train” and get yourself a pretty accurate Mini Motorways review. But unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple. While I love a lot of what’s new in Mini Motorways – being able to create partial roads to better plan out cities from the start, colorful and sprightly graphics – the strategy and variety on display here actually pales to the previous game. One Mini Motorways upgrade, the traffic light, doesn’t even seem to function correctly. And the fun modifiers in Mini Metro’s different locations like Tokyo’s shinkasen are nowhere to be found here. Every city has a body of water to deal with, it’s just that some are slightly more of a pain than others. That’s not variety.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Mini Motorways and have put a lot of time into it. It’s my #9 after all. But if I had to pick just one to take up space on my phone, Mini Metro is getting that spot every time.

8. Risk Of Rain 2 (Switch, PS4, Xbox One, PC)

The first Risk of Rain also appeared on my games of 2016 list, and like Mini Motorways, the sequel is good, just not quite as good…and also feels a bit unfinished. But unlike Mini Motorways, Risk of Rain 2 made a bold change, ditching the two-dimensional world and sprite-based graphics for 3D polygons.

Bringing the z-axis to the tried and true roguelike mechanics of the original Risk of Rain makes for a new experience, for better and worse.

The worlds of RoR2 are bigger and more awe-inspiring. The 3D nature makes some classes and items feel more viable (like the melee Mercenary class) and it’s much easier to dodge incoming enemy attacks.

But the shift in perspective is anything but perfect. Just as enemies miss you more, so too will you often miss your own targets. The camera is both too close and yet also too far away, depending on the situation. The levels, after your inspired awe has left you, are barren, and the main objective of hunting for a teleporter to take you to the next area can be a frustrating venture as they are much more easily camouflaged in the polygonal zones.

It’s also just…not done. As of this writing, there’s no final boss fight, just a shrine that lets you sacrifice yourself to say you’ve “won.” There are missing classes on the menu and the artifact modifiers tab says “coming soon.” Last time I checked, the Switch was not an early access machine, and the fact that this version also gets a “Switch tax” makes it go down even more bitterly.

So why would a deeply flawed game like this make my list? Because the core loop of Risk of Rain is still better than most experiences out there. Stacking power-ups to near omnipotence is a blast, and running around with a friend or three in co-op is more fun than ever. Risk of Rain 2 may eventually become a great game someday, but for now, it’s a good game. And despite its issues, it’s still good enough for me.

7. Baba Is You (Switch, PC)

Sokoban meets coding logic; Baba Is You layers these puzzling elements to create something that feels familiar, yet fresh. It’s a simple concept: You push physical words around the self-contained areas to manipulate the level’s rules and collect a flag…or a different win condition if you’re clever enough.

Take the screenshot above for instance. “Baba is You” means you control Baba. “Flag is Win” means you need to touch the flag to win. But say you push the words “is Win” to vertically align with “Baba.” Now Baba is both you, the player and also the win condition, so you can forget the flag. You win automatically!

The puzzles continue in that fashion, ramping up the challenge very quickly (or maybe I’m just not very good at it.) I’m nowhere near mastering it, but for its highly inventive mix of environmental and logic problems, I’ve got an incredible amount of respect for it.

6. Assemble With Care (Apple Arcade)

I’m kind of down on Apple Arcade as a concept (I’d rather just pay for the few games I want and be done with it), but if games like Assemble With Care keep coming out, I might have to soften my stance. Assemble sees you repairing broken objects like rotary phones, cassette players and watches by using the touchscreen to pull objects apart, replace their busted components and piece them back together. It’s wonderfully serene: There’s no time limit, no logic-defying puzzle box qualities, no Operation-style buzzer if and when you make a mistake. It’s just nice.

A lesser game would leave it at that, but Assemble goes a step further, wrapping the repair mechanics with a short, satisfying story with solid writing and voice acting. It’s this year’s Florence, and while it may not be as impactful as that game, it’s a must play for anyone with an Apple Arcade subscription (or a good reason to burn your free trial if you’re not a subscriber).

5. Untitled Goose Game (Switch, PS4, Xbox One, PC)

Like Assemble With Care, Untitled Goose Game does not hang its hat so much on its mechanics as what it chooses to do with them. There are no fail conditions to Goose Game and what challenge it holds is relatively minimal. But it’s a true sandbox game in that it’s loaded the small town you inhabit with lots of little things to play with and discover. It’s Grand Theft Auto, except they’ve replaced carjacking and shooting with taking an old man’s stool or honking at a kid until he hides inside a phone booth. You’re an asshole, you’re just not a malicious asshole.

A list of tasks helps to keep you focused, but it’s more of a nudge in the right direction so you can discover something else to mess with or people to bother. And once the game is “over,” you get a new, more inventive list of tasks, all with the benefit of the entire sandbox available to you. It might not be the most complex game, but when it comes to the enjoyment of play, it’s one of the best this year.

4. The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening (Switch)

I’m well known for my aversion to finishing Zelda games. I’ve played almost all of them and have finished exactly two of them (Oracle of Seasons and A Link Between Worlds, probably not the two you’d expect). And despite enjoying it, even the original Link’s Awakening eluded me, so seeing it get an overhaul in the form of a Switch version excited me. Not only was this a second chance for me to play a classic, but it was also another opportunity for the world to see how great handheld games have always been.

Outside of the really well done tilt-shifted graphics, the remake is mostly made up of small quality of life improvements. The overworld isn’t as rigidly screen-based anymore, allowing the player a little more finesse in dealing with enemies. Some equipment, that on the original Game Boy version must be switched in and out ad nauseam, now has dedicated buttons on the controller (never again must you be without your sword). All these decisions allow for the charm of the design to shine through even easier than its original version.

Would it be nice if the frame rate were more consistent? Sure. Is the Chamber Dungeon a completely extraneous and half-baked idea? Totally. Does it tarnish the fun that’s there to be had here? Not in the slightest.

I’m proud to say Link’s Awakening has joined the pantheon of Zelda games I’ve actually finished. Now maybe someday I’ll finish that “Link to the Past” that everyone keeps talking about…

3. Super Robot Wars T (Switch, PS4)

Super Robot Wars X made my list last year despite me having only played the PS4 version. So it feels a little more legitimate to have played the Switch version of Super Robot Wars T this year. It’s still not available in the US (you have to import a copy of the Asia version that comes with English subtitles,) and it’s still an extremely flawed game with its repetitive and uninspired level design and overly complicated systems, but man, I love this bad game so much.

I love tinkering in T’s dense mechanics, upgrading my anime mechs for perfect turn-based strategy synergy. I love jumping through hoops to find the right way to recruit new units. And I still love the over the top battle animations – seriously, if you’re bitching about Pokemon’s weak animations, the video above will show you Super Robot Wars has your back.

Plus they’ve added Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop this time around, so there’s at least one recognizable character from a non-Gundam anime you’ve probably seen in here. That’s…progress.

Look, this game probably isn’t for you, but it is totally for me. And Christmas came early this year in that Super Robot Wars V (which came before last year’s X – the naming conventions are not here to make sense) got ported to the Switch, and last year’s Super Robot Wars X will get ported soon too. That’s a lot of anime turn-based strategy to play, and I couldn’t be happier.

2. Pokemon Sword/Shield (Switch)

After much Internet handwringing from an extremely vocal minority, the new Pokemon games came out. And, what do you know, they’re good. Really good. They continue the slow evolution (I’m so sorry) of the franchise with small quality of life enhancements, a few new features and a little trimming of the vestiges. I appreciate the renewed focus on gyms and gym leaders and the single connected world, even if it basically two circles with a straight bit in the middle.

The new Pokemon are…fine. Very few that I detest, but also very few that I’d be willing to write home about. The new Max Raid Battles are generally pretty cool, but they all take advantage of the gimmick I’m least thrilled about: Dynamaxing. Making a Pokemon bigger for three turns is not all that compelling to me. And the Gigantamax variants with their special appearances are neat, but it’s basically just a worse form of Mega Evolution.  

So yeah, it’s a good entry in the series. And a good Pokemon game is pretty hard to top in my book.

1. Fire Emblem Three Houses (Switch)

Hard to top, that is, unless you’re Fire Emblem. But despite being a new game in my favorite franchise, I was actually dreading Three Houses. The pre-release coverage did not leave me optimistic. Old features I hated were making a comeback (cough, weapon durability, cough). The art style couldn’t hold a candle to the jaw-droppingly gorgeous previous entry, Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia. And whether Intelligent Systems was admitting it or not, there was a strong Persona-fication at play here (don’t get me wrong, I love Persona, but if you’re going to get your Persona chocolate in my Fire Emblem peanut butter, I’d rather you just make a sequel to Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE.)

So the hopes, they were not high. But Three Houses exceeded my expectations with a cast of characters I really grew to love. My loveable loser Golden Deer crew went from zeroes to heroes, and the ability to recruit students from other classes meant I got to make my dream team (Hilda, Petra, and Lysithea were my undisputed MVPs) when saving the world.

The story was deep and complex, and hearing how it changes based on which house you align with is pretty cool. I enjoyed the control I had in molding my students, and appreciated seeing them have a breakthrough in something they used to struggle with, and it becoming one of their best qualities. Turning a lazy, valley girl like Hilda into a front line tank and hearing her bitching about it every step of the way was especially enjoyable.

It’s not my favorite in the series, but I’m glad it’s seen pretty universal appeal and sales from the community at large, cementing its status as one of Nintendo’s premier franchises. Someday I will play through all four of its routes, but for now, I’m content with it comfortably sitting as my favorite handheld game of 2019.

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

BB’s Games Of 2019

2019 as a year felt like it lasted two years, and a lot happened in my personal life. Got a new job, learned to drive, got my first car, moved out of the in-laws’ basement into our first real apartment, started my first long-term game of DnD (which in itself has involved a new relationship and an emotional breakdown)- and between it all I somehow managed to play 77 games. Backlog’s down to 35 titles, lads- at this rate, I’ll be down to zero by July 2020. (Not gonna happen.) In 2020, I’d like to explore the SNES catalogue a little more, but before that happens we have to review everything 2019 brought me, in a somewhat chronological order.

- Near A Tomato Carry-over from last year’s post since I was in the middle of playing it at the time. I definitely never quite got a handle on the combat and I think some of the themes went over my head, but I still had fun here, and the 9S hacking minigame never got old. It was a gift from an old friend who I miss. Was nice to reconnect. - SSBU With my new main Zelda, I cleared all of WoL and got every spirit on the Spirit Board. I never really used her before but she’s cute now! Really liked the attention to detail in the spirit encounters. Unfortunately, Cloud is still in the game. - Mega Mans 1 2 and 3 I actually spoke about my experiences with the Mega Men in my BBLC post for Mega Man Eggs, so you should read that right now. - Metroid Samus Returns It’s Good. Like, a solid Good. Never Great, never Bad, just Good. It’s nice to see one of the least accessible games in the series get a remaster, but it feels very disposable, if that makes sense. Like they just needed a Metroid to keep people busy while they reboot Prime 4 development. AM2R is vastly superior, go play that. One point of amusement- the game tells its story without narration, and also seems to pre-suppose you know Metroid lore. I was entertained by the thought of a newcomer to the series being completely mystified by the sudden space-dragon that comes out of nowhere to wreck you at the end of the game. - Khimera: Destroy All Monster Girls You can click here to download it, ‘cos it’s free, which is almost criminal. This is one of the higher tier games I’ve played this year. A little bit Mega Man, a bit Metroid, with hints of Touhou and Undertale, it’s pretty tough at times but never to ‘precision platformer’ levels. It’s a lot of fun and the dev deserves your support. - Steve And Ollie RPG Oh, I made this one. Making something else next year? Question mark? - Prof Layton 3 Feels like these are getting weaker as they go along. The story has always been absolute boohockey, but the puzzles feel like they’re degrading in quality too. With over 200 in each game, that’s not super surprising, and I’m glad they didn’t bulk it out with a load of the awful block-slider puzzles. Still, it’s Layton, if you liked any of the other games you’ll like this cos it’s the exact same thing. - Fault Milestone Two Yo, there ain’t a damned thing I can say about Fault, so go play the first one and then play this and you’ll understand. - Full Throttle I never bothered to finish it. The obtuse old Sierra puzzlers were hard enough to deal with back in the day, and just feel kind of inexcusable now. I don’t have the patience for it. - eXceed 3rd Slick and fun bullet hell with a nigh-incomprehensible story and great music. Touhou fans will like it. Music by SSH who is relatively well known in doujin circles. - ASAMU Finished it before writing my BBLC post! - Eternal Senia Everything I said in my post rings true- do your best to look past the wonky translation, because there’s a heartfelt story underneath it. Very accessible gameplay, by design. - Inivisble Inc You have never before been, nor will you ever again be, so aware of having left a door open. I fully expected to hate Invisible, but I got hooked pretty hard. Quite tempted to do another run of it once the backlog is clear. - Pyre GOTY. Supergiant’s best game so far, and that’s not an easy thing to say for this Bastion veteran. I sobbed by the end. I’m not being dramatic- literally sobbed. Please play it. Music and writing and, just, heart, are all top tier. All the Nightwings are the best, but Hedwyn is the best best. - Ellipsis Finished it before writing my BBLC post! - Just Cause 2 I found myself getting bored very quickly. The main missions are all identical (really, they are) and the side missions are very uninspired. Blitzing around in a jet or grappling around a mission target is a lot of fun but it feels very shallow. There’s a lot to do but not really any reason to do any of it. I dunno, it’s a kind of hollow experience, that I nonetheless had fun with. - LiEat It went over my head a little, but that’s more on me I think. These horror-esque, eccentric japanese RPG Maker games usually do. But, it’s neat, and short. If this sort of thing usually sticks on you, I think this is a good title. - Shantae Pirates Curse These games always felt non-essential to me; I’m not sure why they never stuck. They never really go below or above Good. Entirely enjoyable but I don’t feel like I’d have really missed anything if I hadn’t played them. It is, however, absolutely worth investing in for the utterly superb sprite work. That doesn’t sell a game by itself, I know, but Shantae is a pixel art masterclass. - FF5 I’d more or less finished it by the time I wrote my BBLC post, so I don’t have much to add. It’s a refreshingly goofy entry in a series known for taking itself too seriously, even compared to its predecessor. Look forward to my entry for this game in my Games Of 2020 post, having played the Four Job Fiesta! - Touhou 17 It’s mid-tier in the touhou hierarchy, IMO. Didn’t set my soul alight but I did enjoy it. Playing as Wolf Marisa makes the final boss too chaotic to really enjoy, but playing through again with Reimu made it more fun. I beat Extra on my third run through, which gave me false confidence that after 10 years I might actually be good at these games- to then be quickly humbled by attempting Th11’s Extra. Final Boss’ theme song has one of the greatest lead-ins of all time, especially given you start the fight by running away from her! Also really loved the Stage 4 theme as you barrel head-first into Hell (the real one this time), and the haunting, calm-before-the-storm serenity of Stage 5, overlooking the City Of Beasts. - HackNet + Labyrinths GOTY. (Yes, I know I already said Pyre was GOTY; it’s my post, I can have two GOTYs. Make your own damned post!) It’s hard to say what I loved about these games without spoiling too much- just know that they play very much like investigation games, and figuring out the puzzles feels great. Labyrinths technically takes place during the events of Hacknet, with a somewhat more Black Hat approach to things- despite this, play all of Hacknet first, and then play Labyrinths. The expansion introduces a lot of new stuff and much trickier challenges, such that going back to the base game afterwards to finish that would leave it a little hollow- a disservice to how great the ending is. - Mega Man X I said everything I wanted to say in my BBLC post, and anything I didn’t cover was better said by Egoraptor. - Octodad Finished it before my BBLC post! - Chroma Squad The final mission is disappointingly poor, but everything up to that point was pretty good. Huge variance and creativity in the bosses. However, the most fun I got from it was when I realised the game allowed me to customise my team name, transformation name, and other such terminology. Dave, Dayve, Davy, Davina, and Dehve shouting “It’s time to Chromatise, Chroma Squad!” very quickly became “It’s time to shit, you bunch of fucks!” and it was funny every single time. (Personal favourite bit of dialogue- “I tried to shit! It worked!”) - Pyrite Heart Finished it before my BBLC post! - Starfox 2 Finished it before my BBLC post! - Burly Men At Sea Finished it before my BBLC post! - Disc Room Finished it before my BBLC post! - Kokurase Finished it before my BBLC post! Should have broken these ones up a bit! - Metroid Rogue Dawn Very, very impressive romhack let down by a distinctly un-fun final section. They managed to fix so many of OG Metroid’s problems, I’m surprised the gauntlet of terribleness that is Tourian escaped with only a cosmetic change. Nonetheless, it’s free, and the other 95% of the game is superb, even from a purely technical standpoint. - Wuppo I dunno what happened here! I was full of praise for Wuppo when I played it, but somehow I just couldn’t stick with it and just never felt like playing it. It’s a very aimless game, and I wonder if that might be why? It’s a shame, I feel disappointed in myself for not seeing it through, but ultimately I play games to have fun and I just wasn’t quite there with Wuppo. - Super Mario Odyssey I loved it, obviously. I wrote my BBLC post towards the end of my time with Odyssey so most of that stands- I do want to add that the controls always felt a little loose, like I wasn’t quite as in-control as I was in Galaxy. Also Mario prioritises walljumping over ledge-grabbing and it’s super-hard to unlearn that instinct after 20 years. Finally- Long Journey’s End is just bullshit. - Secret Of Mana Dropped it pretty soon after Finning it. There’s some logic to the way the game works, some kind of hidden turn-order system, that I could not at all figure out. My AI companions (useless, btw) would hit an enemy which meant I couldn’t, except sometimes the hit would still register but only actually go through 3 seconds later, without any way to tell which way it was going to go. It takes like 7 months for your character to get back up after taking a hit. It’s just, wonky, and I couldn’t solve the puzzle of how to make the game do what I wanted to do. - Pokemon Shield Still working my way through it. It’s- yeah, it’s pokemon. Get a similar vibe to Sun/Moon with it that it’s kind of unfinished- lots of small (and some not so small) parts of the game just feel like there were bigger plans that couldn’t be realised in time. I’m still enjoying it! They did a great job of making the gym battles, and the whole process of 8-badges-then-champion, feel like a spectacle. I think only the anime has managed it to this degree before. - Earthbound Man, I really, really want to like this game, but the battle system is terrible. I need to play through the game again buffing my party up with cheats or something, because it’s so unbalanced and cheap. Everything else about the game is wonderful, but I got so frustrated with the fights! - Mario Kart 8 Didn’t play any of the single player this time, it was midgi’s christmas present so I just joined a couple of multiplayer games. Absolutely baffled that the game features F-Zero style anti-gravity courses, has Mute City and Big Blue, and even has the Blue Falcon as a selectable vehicle, but they haven’t put Captain Falcon in it. Like he’s ever going to get another game of his own? Let him have this! - Carmageddon 2 It’s pretty clunky by now, being 20 years old, but still plays well enough. The physics are super loose so you slide around like your tires have been buttered. It was more fun when they were zombies instead of just normal people. Missions are brutally hard and should be skipped with cheats. - Neopets After 15 years of playing, I finally got a Ghostkersword. The site as a whole has gone through a lot, and certainly its heyday is long gone, but there’s no other game quite like it. I’m playing the Food Club every day, still. - SIF New phone can’t run the actual gameplay section well enough, so I just log in occasionally to grab free scouts. Here’s another one whose golden years are behind it, sadly, but I certainly still have a lot of affection for SIF. - FF1 Mobile version, which fixes a lot of the bugs with the NES original. This year I completed a solo run with 1 Red Mage, a 4-black belts run, a low-level run, and a 4 White Mages run (which ended up being a lower-level run than the low-level run). I’m fairly comfortable in calling myself an expert in FF1, now. There’s still not really any other games like it- build a party as balanced or imbalanced as you like, and see how they fare. I’d like to build my own game in a similar style, one day. - Re: Live Gacha games and RPG just don’t mix! Both gacha and events do not gel with core RPG mechanics of your character(s) developing in strength as the game goes. It seems impossible to balance the game well- do you cater to the whales who spend and spend until they have the strongest teams possible, meaning the free players or the terminally unlucky can’t stand a chance, or do you cater to those players and give them no reason to spend for the more powerful characters? It’s a shame, because the anime was baffling but in that enjoyable way where you just kind of go with whatever it throws at you, and exploring that in a non-freemium game with a solid beginning middle and end would be really interesting. - Tiny Thief Mobile game that’s not available any more, I think my BBLC post covered it well enough. - F-Zero One of the criticisms most commonly levied against F-Zero is that it wont hold your attention for long. While that’s true, it’s not like you have to make a purchasing decision about it any more- it comes bundled in with the other games you’re buying, so the only investment is time. Ignoring that, it’s still fun to burn around the tracks, and the sense of speed hasn’t ever diminished. The music, too, is underappreciated, with Port Town being my personal fave. - F-Zero GX I can’t believe Nintendo hasn’t done anything with this ridiculous universe for 15 years now. The cutscenes are so hilariously overwrought, and the cast of characters is huge! It could so seamlessly intersect with the Starfox universe, too. There were rumours of a Starfox Racing title some time ago, and I really hope that’s the case. It’d work so well (by which I mean, a particularly enjoyable kind of awful). Anyway, the game still plays great, Story Mode is WAY too hard, Dr Stewart’s theme is a Tune. - Stratosphere This game is from 1998! Build a flying fortress, deck it out with fortifications and weapons and power supplies, then use it to destroy other fortresses. I only ever played the demo as a kid, never got the full game. Took some cajoling to get it to work on modern hardware, but eventually I got in and it wasn’t worth it at all. Wow, that performance, apparently it was designed to run at a terrible frame rate and it wasn’t just a result of my 1998 PC not being up to the task! A shame, but I guess it put one of my ghosts to rest. - DKC 2 The best of the three SNES games, despite the inclusion (and protagonism) of Diddy Kong. Lots to love here, but the OST is top notch. - DKC 3 Not as good as 2, but IMO better than 1. There was a much heavier emphasis on gimmick levels in 3, not all of which hit their target, but does provide a great deal of variety. Consensus is that 2 is better, but if someone claimed 3 was the best DKC, I’d let them get away with it. - King Arthur’s World (SNES) Speaking of putting ghosts to rest… We somehow always managed to get this game whenever we got a SNES, and kid!Beebs most certainly didn’t have the patience for it. Adult!Beebs barely does, either. It’s a very ambitious attempt at some sort of RTS/Puzzle hybrid, somewhat comparable to Lemmings? King Arthur must make his way from his starting position to the throne elsewhere in the map to claim it as his own, using the myriad abilities of his soldiers to get him there in one piece. I decided this year that I was finally going to play through the whole damn thing, start to finish, for the first time ever. With copious use of save states and rewinds, I was finally able to slay this demon. For as fiddly and frustrating as it is, I would still say people should check it out if they have the tools to do so- there’s not really anything else like it, on SNES or otherwise; you’re guaranteed a unique experience, if nothing else. - Oscar (SNES) Terrible. - Spanky’s Quest (SNES) With a name like that, how could I refuse? It’s a weird little puzzler, aping (wahey!) Bubble Bobble and Parasol Stars a little. You’re a monkey who can blow bubbles that stun enemies, but if you bounce the bubble on your head it gets progressively larger and can be burst to send a barrage of similarly-sized sports balls at your opponents to knock them out. You know, just like real life. - Addam’s Family (SNES) This easily-dismissible movie tie-in is actually a very competent platformer with some very, very light metroidvania exploration involved. Gomez has to go through Addams Mansion and rescue the members of his family who have been kidnapped by… something. There’s hidden secrets everywhere and the family can be rescued in any order you like. Genuine recommendation. - Panel DePon/Tetris Attack The only vs puzzler I enjoy (yep. Not even puyo puyo. I know.) I played the HECK out of this in my teenage years, and got crazy good at it. Tendonitis says I’m not allowed to do that any more, but once I shook the rust off I was still pretty strong! It was released as Panel DePon in Japan and was fairy themed, but for the western release they replaced all the fairies with Yoshi characters and renamed it Tetris Attack despite having nothing to do with Tetris at all. Up to you which you prefer- language isn't too much of a barrier here. Soundtrack is killer. - Subsurface Circular Finished it before my BBLC post. Still not decided if I liked the way it ended. - Master Of Orion 2 C’mon. After playing three other pretenders to MoO2’s throne, I had to give the real deal a couple of spins too. It’s Civ 5 in space. Customisable race builds. A whole galaxy to bring peace to, by whichever means you prefer. Would love for someone else to get into it. - Touhou 8 Last minute entry I just played yesterday ‘cos I wanted some Touhou and I haven’t played this entry in a long while. A Solo Marisa Normal Final B run, if you’re interested. Kaguya beast-mode tearing apart the Spell Of Imperishable Night at the end of the game is still an awesome moment, but it’s a shame you can miss the last couple of spells if you take some unlucky hits. - And here’s the list of Bins, which are all covered in their BBLC post: No Time To Explain MoO Skyborn Jumpjet Rex StH 4 Ballistick Munch’s Oddysee Outland Project CARS RiME Magicka Waking Mars Urban Chaos Divinity: Dragon Commander Strike Suit Zero Hell Yeah! Lambda Wars Beta Stranger’s Wrath MoO 3 XCOM Lots more Fins than Bins this year! Good to see!

[tablemakerr]

My time with...The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

What can be said about this entry into the Zelda franchise that hasn't literally been said by the entire world? Well probably nothing else, but humility was never my strong suit.

Zelda, to me, has been the pinnacle of the gaming industry. It may never be the most graphically impressive, may not have the deepest story telling, and may not ever be the think-piece major Zelda fans think it is. But, it does holds something special in my heart.

The series defines what gaming should ultimately strive for. An experience. Not just something that you plop in your machine and finish mindlessly, but something that should actually make you want to go around and experience the world, allow you to wander and discover and play and just...have fun.

The first Legend of Zelda was that for me. As a child barely able to work an NES at the ripe old age of a few years old. Being able to get into the game, wander into the cave, get my sword....and immeidatley get killed by octoroks on the next screen. I never actually finished OG Zelda until around 2005 when I was much older and even then it was still a hard game. However, there was something magical about that world to younger me that never left my head. It planted the seed deep that technolgy, not just video games, was a wonderful thing and it can cause so many emotions and feelings. It sparked a sense of wonder that lead to my own career and continues to fuel my curiosity about the world. My first time in Hyrule was spent wandering the land. Seeing what was on the next screen, trying to fill out my inventory, learning what secrets awaited me by burning every bush on every screen. There was nothing quite like it to child me at the time. Even since, nothing has ever really come close to the just pure magic and euphoria that I experienced while playing that game....until Breath of the Wild.

Upon loading up BotW for the first time, that entire wave of nostalgia and wonder hit me like a ton of lead bricks travelling beyond light-speed and I was a kid again. From the first moments on the Plateu until my final moments killing Calamity Gannon. I was poking every little corner, wandering around aimlessly. Not worrying about checking off the list of objectives on the map or trying to complete any challenges. I was simply having moment after moment of internally shouting "ooooo what's THAT!?"

What is even more impressive is that it has been 2 years since I completed the whole game, every beast, every shrine, every tower, a second time in the same year on Master Mode...I wanted to go back and just dive right in again. I again found myself with 120 shrines, numerous towers, almost completed picture-dex thingie and 200+ korok seeds in my inventory. Farming Lynels, tooling around on a freaking MO-TOR-CY-CLE, following dragons and traversing to the top of every single mountain just to experience the world as much as I possibly could. It was still full of that same magic, that same eupohira hit me again and again and again.

I have played a lot of games since my time with OG Zelda. It is the game that was my gateway drug and I haven't stopped ever since. But there have been none that I can say even matched what BotW has done for me and how absolutely GIDDY I was seeing a sequel announcement. I can only wait what other fun goodies Nintendo cooks up for this sequel, and this whole franchise moving forward.

There has not been anything quite like Zelda in gaming, and nothing quite like Breath of the Wild itself.

[icequeen-shiva]

alright, you know what

about two weeks ago maybe by now, i made a post about how i’ve recently hit 200 followers and i’d like to do a q&a again, and even with a reblog from someone more ~*popular*~ than me, and multiple reblogs once a day for a few days by myself, i didn’t get a single fucking question. not one. earlier today i posted two pictures of myself where i felt pretty (i’ve since deleted them) and nobody i actually know of liked it and i got asked by a stranger who doesn’t even follow me if i had any nsfw pictures. i don’t get asks anymore, i don’t get shit. and that tells me that, you may be following me, but you aren’t connecting with me. and i feel that. i get on tumblr and i don’t feel like i’m friends with fucking anybody. and i did that. i know i did that. 9/10 times i let my fear of rejection and embarrassing myself overcome my desire to talk to people, so i don’t do it, or i let it fizzle out and we go our own ways and we don’t become friends. 1/10 times i actually function as a human being and make a connection or at least something that sticks a little.

so here, below the cut, is a comprehensive (loosely) list of things that i like, in no particular order at all, besides tickling, because apparently both sides of this need a little help connecting on any front.

scooby-doo

beetlejuice

the addams family

the sims

the mcu

classic disney animations; my favorites are dumbo, the great mouse detective, the rescuers, sleeping beauty, and oliver and company (it’s old enough that i consider it in the classic category)

~modern disney animations too; my favorites are treasure fucking planet, coco, and... i’m a sap, beauty and the beast. rise of the guardians too even though it isn’t disney.

musicals; i can’t pick a favorite just fucking ask me, but i don’t know a lot of newer ones honestly

empire records

the greatest showman still

cats (i mean the animals but i also like the show even though it is Weird As Hell)

my cat in particular

alice in wonderland

stranger things

space jam

tsum tsums

elvira, mistress of the dark

dice

kiki’s delivery service and specifically jiji things

winnie the pooh i don’t even fucking care i LOVE HIM AND ALL OF HIS FRIENDS

silly hats

playdoh

interesting earrings

exploring libraries or big bookstores

true crime mysteries; my favorite youtuber for this is georgia marie, bless her. i also watch bella fiori and kendall rae

fictional mysteries too

i have a kind of fascination with jack the ripper and with the lizzie borden case

shipwrecks! i don’t know why but shipwrecks fascinate me! why did they go down? all the stories that went with them!

i once read a novel that was told as a series of letters, or journal entries, by people on the titanic, including the iceberg and it was THE absolute saddest book i have ever read in my life. like, obviously i knew what was coming, but i got attached to the characters, the letters made them alive and it was just like... NO. NO I DON’T WANT THEM TO DIE. I KNOW THEY’RE GOING TO BUT THEY CAN’T. and it was awful. i had to put it down and cry.

cryptozoology

the bermuda triangle theories (i’m not saying i believe sOmEtHiNg’S gOiNg On but i think some of the theories are interesting)

ghosts

the nancy drew computer games

monopoly

i still play a lot of my snes games; my go-to time killer and head-clearer honestly is kirby’s avalanche. i also play a lot of super mario rpg legend of the seven stars, super mario world, kirby’s dreamland 3, and donkey kong 2 and 3

final fantasy x in which i’m guaranteed to call almost (i can’t stress that enough) every character at some point “my child”

hyrule warriors, i know it’s not a tRuE zelda game but it’s fucking fun

same with fire emblem warriors

red dead redemption

kingdom hearts

the uncharted series

splatoon but i don’t have it wahhhhh

mind you i am not very Good at videogames, i just like to play them anyway

game grumps

ninja sex party

jacksepticeye

markiplier

monty python

crocheting

tea

harry potter

classic rock. pretty big on queen lately. i like tom petty and the heartbreakers. i like joan jett and the blackhearts.

i just... like rock. across the board. i like the offspring. i like some rage against the machine songs. acdc on the radio makes me happy. def leppard on the radio makes me happy. beartooth, starset, powerman 5000, as long as it’s got a good beat and good stuff going on behind the vocals then i’m gonna be happy. i’m way more into the guitars and the bass and everything going on instrumentally than i am vocally, honestly. the whole big guitar solo to van halen’s “you really got me” and then that bassline that comes in, that bassline is sexy. it’s so simple but i LIKE it.

anyway music as a whole gets me right in the heart and can lift me up when i am at my literal worst point

it’s hard for me to name a favorite or specific bands that i like because there’s so many and i’m not really picky about it. 

pop vinyls

good ol’ vines

buffalo wings

mac and cheese

grilled cheese

dr. pepper

i drink a l o t of dr. pepper

pretending i know how to do makeup well

history; i watch a lot of expedition unknown and mysteries at the museum, and sometimes i’ll watch a free documentary on youtube if it catches my attention. last weekend i explained the donner party to my boyfriend. just.. on a whim. because i’d just watched a thing on it and he said he didn’t really know what it was. i’m that person.

OH I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THIS BACK AROUND TRUE CRIME BUT I READ A BOOK ABOUT H.H. HOLMES AND HIS MURDER CASTLE AND THE CHICAGO WORLD’S FAIR. it was by erik larson, i believe. larsen? i could google this. devil in the white city. there’s been talks to make it a movie. it’s a good read though i will admit i skipped a lot of the fair parts because i was there for the murder.

i also read a book about the lusitania by the same author and i was like ohhh my goooood what. it got a little boring sometimes, i had to push myself to keep going, but i would read dead wake again.

csi: miami reruns are the greatest thing don’t @ me

dark purple and black aesthetics

just like... witchy aesthetics. those colors and black cats

if you haven’t noticed by any selfies i’ve posted, i do have my lip pierced and i love finding new lip jewelry. i have a new opal stud in and i love its look

leather jackets

combat boots; i have a galaxy print pair and a pair with classic marvel comics stuff printed on the inside and you can fold down the sides to show it. they’re my faves.

owls

drunk history

the first 5 seasons of supernatural and i still have a soft spot for the winchesters and castiel

i’m slowly making my way through watching the librarians

i’m also making my way slowly through watching the magicians

(american) football

nature walks

going to the zoo

going to the aquarium

like really take me to either of the above and i will lose my shit

road trips

savannah, georgia

the smokey mountains

last august i drove by myself from ohio to boone, north carolina for a friend’s wedding and that wedding was smack on a mountain top and it was the coolest thing i think i’ve ever done

roller coasters BUT NOT EXTREME ONES baby steps ok

log rides tho, i don’t know why, i always love the water rides

ren faires!

cosplay, even though i’m not exactly active in it myself (but i want to be; one of my offline friends is an actually-getting-kind-of-internet-famous mei from overwatch cosplayer)

cards against humanity

foosball

pool but i suck at it

speaking of pools i love swimming ... but i suck at it, i just like boppin’ along in a pool

cookouts

summer

there is nothing like being out in the middle of nowhere in summer when the evening starts to fall and the sky is dark, dark blue and there’s a sea of shimmering lightning bugs out over a field. it’s beautiful. it’s peaceful.

there’s nothing like sitting outside on a calm spring night and listening to the spring peepers (they’re frogs) either.

if you couldn’t tell, i live in the middle of nowhere. i have to find enjoyment in the little things.

campfires

dancing around said campfire, you cannot have a campfire without good music. this is when a lot of my classic rock education came to pass.

elephants

my favorite books are the abhorsen trilogy by garth nix, tied with the serpent’s shadow by mercedes lackey

i am trying to get into comic books by way of the youtube channel comicstorian. they break comic books down for you and read them aloud with the images, altered slightly to avoid copyright strikes (and that’s all made very clear, it’s not done sketchily), and it’s been really easy for someone like me who doesn’t just have a comics store close (and i would otherwise continue on as i have been, forgetting to ever look for them on the internet). i listened to injustice 1 and 2, and they covered the game. i’m actively following scooby apocalypse, and there was some teen titans stuff i went all the way through up until now. i don’t think it’s finished yet from what i remember.

i love museums

candles

i actually kind of collect tea sets

i also have a collection of sand art bottles AND IF I’M EVER AT A FESTIVAL OR A FAIR WHERE THERE IS A SAND ART STAND YOU CAN BET I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE

yugioh duels; i’m definitely just a novice and it’s just a fun pastime my friends got me into when they found their giant binders of cards again

i’m not actually that big on pokemon, i don’t know a lot of them but it’s still fun and i know some. but i did love pokemon go when my friends still played it (don’t really have time anymore, and it kept crashing way too badly on one of their phones anymore anytime they tried to join a raid and it just wasn’t fun as a group then)

i don’t have any but i like the ~look of crystals and would like to have some, not for my own aesthetic but i just... like having pretty things!

listening to the rain

how the air smells (at least where i live) after a long rain and everything is just cleansed

depression has stopped me from writing for a long time but, in my heart, writing has always been something that has touched me ever since i knew how to do it and could put my stories down on paper instead of having to just talk about them... so i’m going to include that here

root beer floats

hotdogs

hard dip ice cream (if you don’t know what hard dip means... as my boyfriend didn’t... it means ice cream that you have to use a scoop with, not soft serve)

soft serve’s good too tho don’t get me wrong

strawberry milkshakes

this isn’t even stuff that anyone would need to know on this site to befriend me at this point, nobody’s gonna message me like HEY I READ YOU LIKE STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES ME FUCKING TOO

you’re cool if you do that lmao

so bad they’re good creature features from the 50s and 60s

the old godzilla movies

i like the moon more than the stars, but i like them too

flower crowns

bouncy balls

original skittles

this has gone on way too long, nobody is reading this, your mom’s a hoe, goodnight

no she’s not, i’m sorry, if you got this far then i hope your mom is a nice person

[strangebedfellows-blog]

Miscellaneous and chill little establishing headcanon dump for some of my l.oz people, because they’re delightful and since I’ve never actually interacted with this fandom I’m not sure what’s commonly accepted and what’s coming purely out of my own head, so here’s some kind of framework. Ones involving other characters or the world at large are just there to give myself context, and obviously nobody else is beholden to ‘em.

Also because I’m too lazy to get to bio pages left and they deserve something.

Cool edit: hey personals, don’t interact with this post. Don’t like it, definitely don’t fucking reblog it. Oh my god. Basic etiquette. It’s not tagged with their general tags for a reason.

VAATI

It’s indulgent of me, but for the record, I like to think he won the swordfighting competition largely of his own merit. I like to think he’s smart enough to know he could have just...magic’d his way past it altogether if he wanted, but it sounds like he actually competed. 

I HAVE MORE BUT I’M JUST GOING TO EDIT THEM IN SOMETIME LATER WHEN I REBLOG THIS I’m typing at like four in the morning why must I dedicate this time to angry wind maus

ZANT

Comin’ in out of the gate: it’s silly personal headcanon but I generally peg the Twili as ancient Sheikah counterparts - part of the same community that split and cut ties firmly enough that by the time they were banished most people had forgotten, and the differences great enough that the latter was never in any jeopardy. They do have deific ties to Majora and the Fierce Deity, though it’s been so long there’s no telling if active worship...exists.

Is actually competent, and intelligent. Midna notes that he didn’t end up ruling the realm because people could pick up on his power lust, but no mention is made of the fact the dude is...a lunatic, and Midna seems to register it as something unfamiliar when he flies off the handle toward the end of the game. I think he kept an incredibly tight rein on himself at absolutely all times in the specific hopes of seeming collected and controlled enough to rule, and his outbursts only really started after he was passed over. They clearly kept him around for awhile despite knowing they wouldn’t be crowning him, so it stands to reason Zant is genuinely good at whatever his precise role was, and a magic user of some significant finesse. Not raw power, not until Ganondorf, but incredible dexterity when applied to delicate tasks. 

In the same vein as viewing the normal Hyrulean royal family as one certainly responsible for performing or enabling some heinous things, I assume the same could be said of the Twili royals. While I believe Zant’s “served and endured in that depraved household” is an embellishment he’s making spitefully because he’s narcissistic and falling apart, there’s a kernel of important truth. There likely were goings-on that would seem shady to us. I can’t imagine specifics, but it’s worth mentioning that Zant was not the only of the Twili who wanted to return to the real world, and while he had violence on the mind, one could certainly guess there were others who would have been more than content just negotiating a return, and to share it. It’s nevertheless treated entirely as some unreasonable desire, despite...the fact...they were ejected from their home and left to their realm so long they’re markedly different, so much so their previous environment kills them. ( One can only imagine adapting to the Twilight Realm was unpleasant, for the first over. )

50% of the reason he loses is because he’s a moron and an indulgent moron, who just can’t sate himself with winning; he has to win and having a living loser to point at and laugh. He has to have someone he can personally lord over, living testaments to the power of his wrath. If he smartened up enough to just kill people, I...really don’t think he’d have lost that one. 

The other 50% is that he’s so utterly unused to Ganondorf’s power, which is overwhelming in both volume and intensity. Zant can warp reality with it. He is, in some important sense, something of a god. And that’s so much that he, who is incredibly well practiced with making more efficient use of less magic, has no goddamn clue what to do with it. It’s difficult to channel and control, and the result are broad sweeps that are chosen for dramatic effect or specifically because they eat up enough to keep him comfortable, rather than practicality.

I’m not sure where I’m going with it, but it’s fascinating to me that most Twili seem to be pretty skin-baring whereas he doesn’t even show his neck under the helmet, and places such a clear focus on fabricating bulk that just isn’t there. I like to think parts of his outfit have weights, and it was partially an effort to physically restrain himself from any reactive-contorting at work. Sometimes you wanna break your spine but that would look most uncouth. 

Not a physical fighter. Hit hard, hit fast, hit erratic, then collapse because you can’t breathe. Twili are in general much more inclined toward magic than traditional fisticuffs, but Zant’s exceptionally physically weak among even them. Reedy ‘n Dweeby.

SIDON

Incurably shy kid, believe it or not. The complete lack of dialogue of his in Mipha’s memory was actually entirely because Zelda was there; he would have been sheepish enough had it been any outside figure, but especially someone he understood to be so important - how could he speak? So small. Sheepish. A lot less confident in himself than he’d eventually become, and Mipha’s gentle encouragement ( and its legacy ) was definitely the biggest factor in changing that.

Really really really worried, constantly, that he’s a drain on people. It’s something of a holdover from his shy youth, but also backed up by a lot of what he can observe. He places a great deal more pressure on himself after Mipha’s death as the new heir ( he was never supposed to be, and would honestly be a much more sincerely at ease adult had it not come down to him ), more than, frankly, anyone around him has. As clearly beloved as he is, and with the fairly warm and encouraging person we can surmise his father to be, there’s some demanding little tug he feels toward inadequacy at all times. He’s incredibly empathetic and not being able to assist everyone all the time, despite the impossibility, hurts him. 

He’s a little too warm-hearted and emotional, he feels, to be the ideal ruler. He’s far too dedicated to proving to others and himself that he could be, however, to fully indulge his personable and down to earth side. He’s caught teetering quite awkwardly on the edge where he can’t reap the benefits of his charming personality OR dedicated focus and work ethic. 

His father never told him Mipha was dead, as he refused to believe it himself. Most zora were split, but eventually enough people seemed defeated enough while murmuring about the matter, the statue went up, and Sidon was first forced to put it together for himself that she really, truly wasn’t coming back. The single most devastating day of his life, and to think it was years after the fact. He hurts more for it, and it’s part of the reason his night visitations are so constant.

On a happier note, he absolutely does tiny swimming drills with little zora kids whenever he can find the time and get a gaggle together. Much whistle blowing, big exaggerated gestures, so much encouragement, it’s a great time all around. 

Seeing Zelda and Link makes him regress, just the faintest touch; he certainly idolized Zelda as a child, and despite having some sister-stealing-related animosity towards Link, had spent the remainder of his youth looking up to him as well. It’s two childhood heroes perfectly preserved and dropped back in front of him, which is quite a happy and confusing shock. It brings a lot of Mipha back to mind, which is bittersweet, but he’s also...doggedly determined to try and prove himself to them, despite their approval meaning nothing at all for him beyond sentiment. 

No you really don’t understand how cool he thought Zelda was

Definitely....accidentally....got more than a handful of Hylians killed, trying to run them through what Link did. This is actually why he has to stop and check on you every leg of the way -- he really is concerned, and it’s a self-reassurance as much as he hopes it’s just normal reassurance for Link.  

REVALI

Doesn’t hate Link. Really. It would need to be coming from a much more intense, much more personal place to truly register as hate. He does, however, IMMENSELY DISLIKE him. It isn’t any kind of confused expression of affection -- I can’t stress enough, the antagonism is pure and genuine. Revali feels incredibly real bitterness toward Link, and to an extent that ever getting past it would be an entire arc in itself. An arc that’d literally be longer than his life, mind you.

I see it crop up a lot so it might be wide fanon? I wouldn’t know - I do generally believe he was an orphan, and Hyrule is so packed with ways to die I couldn’t begin to pin down a cause yet. That said I don’t imagine Revali himself would know, having lost his parents quite early in life and refusing information initially because it hurt, and after that because he convinced himself he was better not knowing. He was for the most part a fairly serious child, simultaneously aggressive and clingy. I imagine he was raised in a foster sort of setting, with an older guardian who passed naturally and with little fanfare when he was a young adult. They got on well enough, and they likely encouraged his at-first-shot adoration for archery ( as is Rito custom, but also Revali’s interest in its own right ) and let him have what space he wanted. Which was a lot. Solitary, even back then. He didn’t take many pains to involve himself with the community and was typically given a lukewarm reception. 

A completely unimpressive shot, initially, but he took to flying at a little more impressive a pace. Not exceptional at either for a long while. He got exceptional by working at it on a daily basis for...honestly, the entirety of his life after he first picked it up. No exaggeration. Minimal breaks taken, and only to make sure he had minimal time to heal or rest his muscles when sorely needed, and never more. He had some small reserve of natural affinity, but by and large his success came entirely because he worked his ass of for it. He took it seriously, kept at it, stayed passionate about getting better; not for a particular reason, even. He had most of the village’s best archers thoroughly outclassed* in his late teens ( or Rito equivalent ) and though he was a ways from even conceptualizing the Gale, was a thoroughly adept flier. He didn’t care particularly much about warrior-ing as a career but assumed it was where he would end up, and in the meantime supported himself comfortably enough through inheritance and some horribly tedious job nobody recalls because he glared them into taking it to their graves. This was eventually swapped with competition winnings as his star ascended. 

*  I’d like to note I generally don’t think the Rito are actually renowned archers, and it’s more of a cultural thing than one of skill. Revali asked for a practice range to practice at more elevations, which sounds like the sort of thing they’d have to begin with if they were putting intense focus on archery in combat. Revali’s skill wasn’t notable or locally renowned as some kind of curiosity, it was because he was outperforming actual warriors and taking an icon of theirs to new heights, and at a relatively young age. Note that no one else can make physical use of his bow, after his death. It’s not just that he’s good, it’s that he actually IS better at it than anyone else in the area. And this is before he invents the Gale. Additionally, he was entirely self-taught beyond the rudimentary tips to help him start flying as a young’un. It was difficult, but he isn’t broken up about it. On the contrary, it freed him to go at everything at his own overintense pace, and work on outdoing everything rather than necessarily polishing his grasp of basics before he absolutely had to. He really values self-reliance in others, for reasons like this.

It’s small, but his ‘I...could get used to this’ is enough to convince me in addition to being more stoic in his youth, he was something approaching humble. It’s not entirely that the sudden onslaught of praise overinflated his ego - it did, but that’s not all of it - but also that he felt the amount of praise was proportionate to the blood, sweat, and tears he had put into getting so good. He had no friends, mind you, no family, and beyond the one mention of Rito children looking up to him and the general legacy he left behind as a visionary in his craft, he didn’t have much of a life. He certainly enjoys it in an annoying way, but I think there’s some merit to the zeal.

I get the vague impression Rito are fairly removed, and while not unfriendly are a little closed off from other cultures. Revali reflects this, partially in his implied low opinion of Hylians.

Of the champions, Mipha and Zelda are his favorites by a ridiculous margin. Not that it shows all that often. The Mipha smile though? Significant. She’s Theeeeee favorite. ( Not that this means he didn’t probably pick on young Sidon, just a touch. )

Died because...I mean, the plot, but also because he was tired ( the distance he had to travel to get to Medoh, and in one go, isn’t ideal ), more shaken than he would admit on pain of a hundred deaths ( at what he’d seen on the way there, surely more chaos than he was accustomed to ), and the corruption of Medoh hit him especially hard as he had REALLY bonded with it. The ‘winging it’ line is partially true; after all of that, he...panicked, a little. 

The lack of living people that remember him? Eats at him way way way way way way way way way way way more than he’ll ever let anyone know. He’s a real sad bird, inside.

GHIRAHIM

His baseline ‘personality’ / set of functions is, at the core, largely a mirror of Fi. He is the version of himself that we know only because he refused to linger in his sword state -- ambition and initiative were things he had much more of than she did, and largely lacking in the tactful patience that’s more or less served her well. Being crafted rather than born and manifesting himself on his own, he at no point had anything resembling a guiding figure or much by way of...normal socialization. The lack of anything resembling a traditional foundation coupled with the RIDICULOUS amount of time he spent in incredibly mixed company seeking out whatever might help him locate his master, and the frustration that comes with such immense and ongoing failure, contribute as much to the end result as anything he was made / ‘born’ with. 

He actually isn’t an astonishing combatant against someone intelligent who knows what they’re up against; he is himself aware of this, and takes what other advantages he can get. I typically view Link defeating him as fair integration of gameplay and story and not something that had to happen for the plot - it ultimately came down to the sword Link was using. Ghirahim isn’t at his most powerful unless he’s in sword form, as that’s what he was designed to be, and some substantial portion of his energy is likely wasted on manifesting physically at all, any magic he performs, teleportation, so on and so forth. He can read people, he has his magical origins on his side, and he’s certainly strong, and all of those things are enough to fell whatever unfortunate people or monsters initially tried to attack him, but up against non-laymen and in the name of cutting down needless-but-numerous future challengers it’s in his interest to blow himself out of proportion. He’s a fantastic talker, good at making an impression, and once the first crop is afraid of him, it just snowballs until he doesn’t need to do much of anything - I imagine ‘Lord Ghirahim’ was something he didn’t actually come up with himself, but heard once and liked it so much he went out and made everyone do it. 

There’s some level of discontent with his ultimate fate, but it’s buried under his own resolute refusal to acknowledge or explore it consciously because he was made to serve and to serve one purpose, and was not intended for any higher aspirations, and because even on an unconscious level, his very being can’t accept it for long. During his impressive span of relative isolation and lording over scant surface-folk / monsters, he grew just a touch beyond his programming. Make no mistake, this doesn’t make him less of a threat -- has to or not, he is nothing short of a fanatic and would still do anything at all for Demise or to spite Hylia -- it’s merely that he briefly lets his mind wander, and suffers a somewhat human need to justify himself, which he has. ( In fact it makes him worse, because he’s gone from something of a mindless tool of cruelty to someone actively seeking it out, having convinced themselves quite firmly of its necessity and value. ) A general Thing I run with re: this whole series is that Hyrule’s actually a horrible place to live if you squint, and basically all the goddesses are horrible to the poor mortals below. Ghira’s owed a little frustration with his lot.

Related to the above? As delightful as it is to joke about, he’s not a sincerely sexual entity. Any and all weird tongue-waggling is done specifically because he knows it throws people off, and that’s what he wants out of a fight. He’s not socialized enough to know much of the nuance behind similar action, he just knows it gets a large reaction out of people, and typically that makes intimidation or murder even easier.

[greyliliy]

Paper Mario: The Origami King

I loved Paper Mario: The Origami King. A lot. It's my first Paper Mario game and it is an understatement to say that I adored it. Enough so that I want to write a full review on my thoughts for the entire game. o-o It’s been so long since I’ve felt the need to do that and it feels good. It feels so good. T-T

So let’s do this. :D This is going to be a long one, and I’ll probably put the cut right before I start talking about individual chapters. Hopefully before that there are no major spoilers, but afterwards its’ a free for all discussion. So spoilers will be present! :D

A Brief History of my Relationship With Paper Mario

I saw an Arlo video talking about it when I was randomly browsing videos on his channel (I found him for something else believe or not) and I think that was the first time I even realized this franchise existed. Lol. (Which is funny because I have a Wii U and Paper Mario: Color Splash was like the last big game for that console).

I was curious so I browsed the Paper Mario Reddit and watched his Color Splash reviews and got interested in the series.

I ended starting to watch play throughs of Thousand Year Door (where I am mostly through the game? The players just finished the area where you get Vivian) and Color Splash (where I am halfway through the game maybe?).

My opinion on both games: They both look fine. TYYD has it’s good points. Color Splash has its good points. I feel like I would be irritated by random battles in both of them, no matter the combat methods. Lol.

But honestly I leaned more toward Color Splash because I love the Paper Aesthetic. Good story + Paper Themed World = My jam.

Which  means that first Origami King trailer smacked me in the face because it looked like I’d be getting both. I preordered the game as soon as I saw the trailer and it did not disappoint. Lol.

General Stuff

The Good: The characters! I adored all of them. Every character, whether generic minion or unique, was bursting with fun dialogue and moments that made me smile. Olivia was precious. I want an Origami Olly to put in my room (I love him so much) and the Legion of Stationary was surprisingly fleshed out. They were easily my favorite bosses in the game, which was a surprise after all the teasing they got in the trailers. Lol.

Plus: LUIGI. Oh my gosh. He’s amazing in this game. XD

The Music doesn’t need my praise. Everyone has praised the music in this game and it deserves it. Every. Single. Track. Is the greatest and I love this soundtrack. I’m listening to it right now (Where can I buy this Nintendo. TELL ME).

I also really enjoyed the battles. It had a nice blend of Turn Based & Overworld Action, keeping things mixed up and fresh. I wasn’t great at some of the combat (Which I’ll talk about below in the chapter by chapter section) but the game makes stuff easier if you fail too much...which I appreciated. LOL.

Oh. And the Confetti thing. I liked it. Filling holes with confetti was satisfying in a nice completionism way. It was kinda soothing, too, and it was nice to physically repair the world in addition to trying to save it in general.

The Critique: The game needed more time with Olly. I’m not just saying that as someone who loved him, I’m saying it as a story miss. We see Olly at the beginning. And we see him for like two seconds at a time between chapters to half-handedly ask Olivia to join him, and then...the final boss fight. One or two cut-away scenes showing what Olly and Peach were doing between the Streamer Banners would have been great and done wonders for fleshing out the story.

The Combat: Opinions on this have been highly mixed. Specifically, I have noticed a large crowd saying the combat is too easy; they line everything up on the first turn and kill everything on the first turn and then they’re drowning in coins so there’s no point to battle.

And then there’s Me: I rarely got the puzzle right on the first turn, which means I didn't get the bonus coins, and I usually burned through weapons and faster since I didn’t get the “Great Line Up!” on the first turn bonus. So I was...constantly fight enemies for coins (Stuff gets expensive in this game) and using them to get help from the Toads.

So when I got puzzles right on the first turn, I felt super accomplished. Lol. I did eventually get better at them (and used one of the help items from the Battle Toad) and was beating them in one turn 60% of the time. So while I really enjoyed the puzzle turn-based battles, I can see how some would get tired and bored of them.

I think a difficulty setting might fix the wildly different experiences with this. The puzzles get much tricker later, so if you’re solving even those too fast--the game could have given you harder stuff to solve.

Though it is sort of funny. If you do well at puzzles, you get a ton of extra bonus coins. But if you’re good at the puzzles, you don’t need those coins since coins are mostly spent on “Getting help for puzzles.” Which the people who are bad at puzzles need but don’t get...fun times.

Boss battles, however, were mostly scripted and I’ll talk about those in detail in the spoiler section below. XD

The Game

Okay! Let’s get into the meat and talk about each Streamer Section individually. o-o Whoooooooo. I’m glad the Game8 Wiki has a nice layout for me to reference. XD

Prologue

This is when I knew I was going to love the game. Luigi is adorable. Origami Peach is every bit as creepy as the trailer promised. And Olly stealing the castle was great. :D

The Red Streamer

This entire streamer is a tutorial. I can see how that could get irritating if you don’t like Olivia holding you hand (and I have seen many complain about it), but this is the only chapter where she does that. 

Which I understand. Every streamer follows the same sort of pattern (explore two or more themed areas to open up a path to a temple, beat a temple, beat a Vellumental, go clear the boss building/area, fight the Stationary Boss). Giving the audience a clear how-to guide to get through an entire Streamer Chapter isn’t the worst.

Plus Olivia is adorable and I used X to talk to her all the time, whether I needed the hint or not. Lol.

Whispering Woods

The mini story with the trees and the the little Toad camp ground are cute. I was surprised that I had to back track here later in the game a few times. XD

Toad Town

The hub world! Here you can find the Museum (which has all the fast travel pipes), the Battle Practice area (which if you visit 3x will give you items to make the Ring battles easier), and the shop (please remember to actually use your membership card you get from here and don’t be like me who paid 24,000 coins in the late game for a collectible when I could have had it HALF OFF but I forgot to equip the membership card).

It also features: A cool Graffiti area I need to visit again because I heard it gets more art as you progress through the game, many Macho Gumbas to beat, the Docks, a Toad that’ll tell you what Power Up Hearts you are missing, more fast travel options, and a great scene with Luigi that kick-starts his sub-story as he hunts for Princess Peach’s Castle Key.

Picnic Road & Overlook Mountain

So many hidden Toads. Everywhere. XD It’s a very lovely area, but again, since this is a tutorial-ish Streamer there isn’t much there aside from enemies to practice fighting and a lot of examples of how Toads hide (including in the ground, in walls, as folded origami, on the other end of small over world puzzles, etc.)

Earth Elemental Temple & Fight

I loved the lead up to this Temple. The fake Koopa one with the small tour boxes was so great. It was funny, cute, and I loved that the fake Temple Tour ended with a real Temple.

The fight was easy (again...tutorial streamer) but I still messed up a few times. Lol. It took me a while to get the hang of the boss rings (and I kid you not, it was like five streamers in before I realized you could move the boss ring panels front and back in addition to rotating the rings).

Olivia turning into a Vellumental was a huge surprise. I’m not sure how I feel about it as a whole, but they use her transforming powers the entire game, so it’s thematically appropriate.

Overlook Tower & Colored Pencils

Fighting your way up the tower to get to the boss was fun. I loved the elevator bits & the drawings everywhere (Colored Pencils drew Olly!!!).

It was a very nice introduction to the future “Boss Building before the Fight” that you’ll face in every Streamer.

Also Colored Pencils having a personality was such a delight that I couldn’t help but grin. Legit, the Legion of Stationary are some of my favorite characters and I’m amazing at how much life and personality they shoved into these office supplies.

I’m sad they die afterwards though. T-T

But with the Red Streamer done, the game stops holding your hand and the game really gets going. :P

The Blue Streamer

One word: Bobby.

It’s fun having the second world be your favorite in the game. Lol. But it just hit all the right beats and made a great impact.

Autumn Mountain

Very pretty area. Lets you get to know Bob-omb (aka “Bobby” as Olivia likes to call him) and his personality as you explore a gorgeous, autumn area. Lots of warm colors and great music tracks. It had a few frustrating areas with the stupid falling Chestnuts (oh my gosh how long did it take me to figure out I needed to hit the wall to break it lol), but overall a good area.

Water Vellumental

I cheated on the slide puzzles. I’ll admit it. I paid the coins to have the Temple solve its own puzzles. LOL.

Years of playing Zelda made me terrified of a Water based Temple but it wasn’t that bad aside from the slide puzzles. A very lovely temple with a great design.

The boss fight was one of the easier ones, but I was still getting the hang of figuring out the pathing for boss fights so it took me a while to figure out how to execute the things I wanted to do (I figured out early I had to use Olivia’s Earth Vellumental form to avoid the Water Attack, but I wasn’t so good at lining u the On Button and the Magic Circles to do it lol).

Eddy River

Lord this was annoying. I missed one of the Holes to fill with confetti and that was the moment were I was like “I will never 100% this game” because the thought of going down that river again made me go “No.” XD

Shogun Studios

I loved running around this amusement park. There were puzzles and character interactions everywhere. (So many item trades between NPCs lol) and the Ninja Mansion was fun. Even if I had to do it twice because I missed Luigi the first time around...

Big Sho’ Theatre & Rubber Band

This was amazing.

Riding the up the tower in the audience seats. The captured Toad audience. The paper Macho actors. The different stage plays. Rubber Band yelling in the background before showing up as the Diva they are.

The Rubber Band fight was also a blast. I figured out the trick immediately and had a great time wrecking that boss. XD

It was fun. The Rubber Band Tower & Fight are easily my 2nd favorite Boss Area and Fight in the game.

Sweetpaper Valley to Breezy Tunnel

I know this area is technically part of the Yellow Streamer, but it feels like an interlude section, so I’m putting it in its own section.

I will admit, I had this part of the game spoiled for me. I knew about what happened to Bobby and I was like “Really. The game’s going to go there.”

And it did.

When you get to the Valley, Olly drops a bolder on Olivia and Bobby’s like “I know how to fix this.”

He takes you on an awesome adventure through the Princess Peach Cruise Ship that involves an incredible Macho Battle on the boat and the retrieval of a special item, and then when you get back...

Bob-omb saves Olivia.

The death of Bobby itself wasn’t the sad part. Honestly it was a little funny because the bolder explodes into a bunch of confetti that Mario picks up as he walks through it.

The sad part is Olivia.

When she realizes what happened to Bobby and runs away. Ug. Sitting with her in the dark as she sobs. Her grief. It’s so sad in the best way. And then Bobby! Bobby tells you to cheer her up and man.

That tiny “That’s not fair” she says to Mario when he makes her laugh? That’s the spot that got me teary eyed for the first time in the game.

It’s so good and it solidified this game as an all time favorite. Even if the rest of the game was horrible, it can’t take that scene away.

The Yellow Streamer

The. Music. This area has my favorite music. Every track is such a jazzy, awesome beat and I could hang out in the Snif City Hotel Pool Room all day to listen to that song. XD

Scorching Dessert & Snif City

Driving through the Desert areas felt a little like padding since you had to keep backtracking everywhere, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the Purple Streamer later, so in hindsight it’s less annoying. Lol.

Snif City has a fun design and I loved exploring it, along with the desert area. The Luigi cameo was pretty fun (as was the intentional game over I triggered to see the animation lol).

Professor Toad is a fun partner character, though I will admit I got stuck for a while because I didn’t realize you could use him to dig in spots that weren’t glowing (oops).

Olivia singing to raise the temple was a treat.

The Fire Vellumental

This temple is how I found out the game makes stuff easier if you fail too many times. There was a jumping area where you have to only jump on blocks that light up and I failed so many times it dropped all the blocks you couldn’t jump on. Uh. Oops. XD

The Fire Vellumental has my favorite design. It’s basically Moltres and Olivia looks awesome as a fire bird.

The Temple of Shrooms and Hole Punch

This might be my favorite Stationary Lair & Fight. The temple was great to explore. The Faceless Toads were fun and creepy. And oh my gosh the DJ dance room caught me so off guard I couldn't help but laugh.

Great music. Great Boss.

The fact he wouldn’t come out unless everyone was partying was fantastic. The fight itself was also pretty fun with the guy hole-punching Mario and having to find your pieces on the grid. The Hole Punch’s theme “Disco Devil” is also so good I can’t take it. Who gave a song a right to be that catchy?

I loved every second of this temple & fight.

Captain T.Ode

And then of course everything ends with Professor Toad finding the Toad he was looking for, finishing out his mini story arc. And using your fire powers to free him (And after the Shangri-Spa Toads worked so hard, too!! Lol).

The Purple Streamer

This is the only area of the game I didn’t like. It had a few good moments (Luigi and the Mushroom Island, a few of the puzzles islands) but overall I wanted to get through it as fast as possible and almost rage quit at one point.

The only saving grace was the ending with the Stationary Boss.

The Great Sea

It took me way too long to realize I had to take the boat out into the mist before it would prompt Captain T.Ode getting his submarine. WAY TOO LONG. I was sailing around aimlessly and screaming in the Museum wondering why the guy didn’t come get the Marino yet for like a solid thirty minutes.

Everything about this area was slow. Swimming from Island to Island. The loading screens between the Submarine sections. The small Island puzzles.

Just. Ug.

And of course when I find out I can upgrade the boat to go faster I didn’t have enough coins. So I had to go to another area to fight baddies to get coins and come back. XD

Even meeting Olly’s creator on an island (with a great Luigi sequence) was a disappointment. It was so short and all we really learned was that Olly is the one who made Olivia (which makes him more her Dad than her Brother...which I have talked bout before but will let the topic drop here for now). And that was IT.

Give me a flashback to Olly being made. Give me more of a hint to what the Origami Maker wrote to make the kid go nuts. Just. Something. Anything! *throws hands in the air*

The Ice Vellumental

This temple was annoying. The sliding ice puzzles were just...no. They aren’t actually that bad. I was just really burned out from all the sailing when I got to this temple and was in a bad mood. I’ll be fair--the temple itself was fine.

(Except for one area where you had to climb the stairs while dodging falling boulders and I kept messing up  my jumps and having to do it over and ARRRGH).

BUT THE BEAR.

I hate the bear. I had my first game over with the bear. I nearly rage Quit with the bear. And I beat him EVENTUALLY with 10 HP and because the game had pity on me and stuck the 1000 Arms Technique panel on the outer row.

I was fine up until the “Memorize the path and recreate it” section. The path would look easy. I’d remember where it was. But then the rings would get shuffled and I could not recreate the path for the life of me. I tried it so many times. I failed so many times.

*stares into the distance* 

I watched a Youtube Tutorial that beat that boss in five minutes. It took me like an hour. There is a special type of frustration that comes from “I know what I need to do and I know the trick but I can’t seem to make it work.”

The Three Trials

I paid coins to make these easier. I was so done with everything by that point, that failing the stupid Strength Trial twice in a row was enough to just. End me. XD

The Sea Tower and Tape

A shining light in a horrible Streamer. Lol. The Tower was fun to climb and I got excited for the Tape boss.

Who did not disappoint.

His greaser Punk personality and calling Olly “Boss” was the first thing that made me really grin this entire streamer. Even Tape’s fight gimmick taping the panels down was almost a relief and a much easier fight than the Ice Vellumental.

I loved the Tape fight. XD

The Green Streamer

Aka “Kamek is awesome and bless the Bowser Minions.”

Shangri-Spa

I liked this area more than I thought I would. When I first got there and saw the theme of Angel Toads I was like “Why” and then I saw Bower’s fallen Castle, met all the minions paying off their debt cleaning, and Olivia thought Kamek was a housekeeper.

Bless all of it.

And then Bowser Jr. gets cut into pieces by a pair of scissors and it was like “Oh, shit.”

You fix him of course, but the implications were like “Dude, those scissors killed Bowser Jr.” I honestly think one of the reasons they leaned so much harder into the “paper” aesthetic was to get away with more violence/darker content. The entire Scissors lair and fight is the perfect example. It sort of follows TV and Cartoon logic - if it’s not human, you can get away with a LOT more violence (like robots getting ripped apart or derezzing characters in Tron).

It’s not actual gore, but if you think about what it symbolizes, it really hits you (and why Mario Game Overs getting cut in half instead of reviving with his Green Mushroom).

You get a small break after that exploring all the Spas and their mini puzzles to fix Bowser Jr. The Jungle Area is the longest of which and has some nice scripted Game Overs that are fun to trigger and Olivia, Kamek, and Bowser Jr. have a good “Pick me!” scenario that gets repeated.

The boss of his area is also Macho Chain Chomp which is a win in my book because Chain Chomp is Best Mario Baddie.

(I love Chain Chomps. I have a Chain Chompette on my Keychain.)

Bowser’s Castle & Scissors

I noticed a lot of people saying Scissors was their favorite Stationary Boss and I didn’t quite get why until this Castle & Fight. He’s not knocking Hole Punch out of the way on my own list (Seriously that Boss fight music), but he is up there on the “Dude” factor.

Scissors is creepy. He is a literal sadist who tortures everyone he gets his hand on. His shadow paper minions are creepy and have cool Ring Battles.

The mutilated minions he used to make up a paper Macho Buzzy Beetle was dark if you thought about it too long - but it was a great Kamek moment. XD

Scissors himself had a great “I want a challenge!” attitude and his fight was intense.

I also screwed up and broke the blade guard on the first turn and uh. I died very quickly. XD That note that says “DO NOT BREAK THE GUARD” wasn’t kidding. I’m not super at timing action commands, so uh, jumping over the blades didn’t work out so well (especially when Scissors started cheating...).

Second time went much better. I figured out how to time attacks to avoid hitting his guard. I got to see the awesome cut scene where he took the guard off. I actually dodged a hit. I had fun. XD

And then Bowser enters the scene for the final areas of the game. Whoooo!

Finale

Bowers’ Air Ship appearance was epic. Very cinematic and I loved how he was like “I might use this against you later.”

Mario and Bowser team ups never fail to disappoint, honestly.

The air battle was messed up.

After that entire scene with Bobby in the Blue Streamer...I am now firing Bob-ombs at planes freely and in mass numbers because I have bad aim. I just. I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry. XD

The crash landing and the race out of the volcano were fun, though.

Peach’s Castle & Olly’s Castle

Luigi finally brought us the right key. I haven’t talked about Luigi much, but every single one of his appearances brought a smile with them. I loved how he had a key in every chapter like clockwork, and even now, he came through.

Bowser talking about Luigi was also pretty great. XD

But most importantly:

I love Olly. His few appearances here desperately made me wish there had been more of him earlier. He’s a dramatic little brat and I want to hug him.

The transformation of Peach’s Castle to Olly’s Origami one? Amazing. One of my favorite cut scenes in the game.

Fighting the Origami Castle itself? Eh. Aside from the great music tracks, it was a little tedious. It lacked the cool levels of the earlier Boss Areas and was mostly “use 1000 folding arms” to progress. I didn’t hate the area, but it was a bit of a let down.

Stapler was nice though. He was a good dog. That I crushed in combat. o-o

King Olly

His throne room covered in Paper Cranes is my favorite designed room & man, I wish I remembered to take more screen shots. It was so creepy and so dark and it looked so good with this tiny paper King sitting alone next to an empty throne since Olivia “Betrayed” him. 

I loved how his castle still had Olivia everywhere. Like they were meant to be together, but still separated. So good. T-T

The Princess Peach reveal was also so creepy and great.

But also made me wish for more cut scenes. Why did Olly want to make her into the wall? Why did he want her quiet? Did she annoy him? Or What? Tell me, game. Tell me!

Aesthetically it made the room look perfect though as his creepy little room. XD

As far as Olly's motivations go...I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, yes, it’s a little shallow. “A Toad wrote on me so now I’m going to destroy all flat paper beings and make them origami!” is sure...a thing. But I’m also a fan of Evil Characters that are just...evil. Maybe Olly really did just want to make everything Origami so they were like him. He was the first “Living” Origami creature and maybe he was just lonely. That’s why he made Olivia and wanted everyone to be like him. 

But that’s also reading into it...and makes me want to write a fanfic exploring it, but this is a review. XD

I’m fine with “Olly was looking for any excuse to go nuts and take over the world and the writing will just have to do.” Even if it does make his little “I guess I lost so now I’m redeemed” moment feel forced. XD

The Fights

The Bowser Origami Sumo vs Giant Olly thing was...okay. I get what they were going for, but it kinda missed the mark with me.

The Actual Olly fight? Oh lord. I had to do it like 10 times.

I failed the Action commands...a lot. Which meant a lot of game overs since I went into the fight with like 40 health (I may or may not be bad at jumping and the Sumo fight throwing stars may or may not have wrecked my health) and didn’t doge Olly's attacks.

Thankfully the game made the ring puzzle easier each time so I could actually finish it.

And it only took me 4 times to get the action commands right? XD Something like that.

I DID IT which is the point.

(This is a case of “If I was better at gaming I would have loved the fight” but my poor skills made it longer and more tedious than it should have been - only’s awesome speech at the beginning loses its bite after the fourth time hearing it.)

The Final Cut Scene

Olivia saying Goodby to Olly had me teary eyed. Her holding his little hand. Reading the message their creator left. Olly’s request for her to make him into the last crane.

Olivia’s freaking WISH. Knowing that She, herself, was one of Olly’s creations.

The cut scene was beautiful. The cranes. The light. The castles’ return.

The party at the end. The two little empty thrones.

I was sniffing through the (very well done and great to watch) credits.

Olivia was such a good girl and I miss her and Olly so much.

This ending was the perfect example of “Wouldn’t change it because it made me sad in a good way but Bless Fanfics and their “Everyone Lives” alternate universes.”

THE END

The game had a few hiccups but overall? I loved it. I can very easily see how “Your first Paper Mario is your favorite” is going to hold true. Wonderful game.

I might have to actually go back and try to 100% the game to get that extra ending I’ve seen spoiled.

[mikebigby-blog]

Netflix Legend of Zelda full season 1 outline

I am pants-shittingly excited about the possibility of a live-action Legend of Zelda series on Netflix.  You’ve heard the rumours.  I’ve heard the rumours.  And I have shitted all of my pants.  I only have pants with shit in them now.  I know what you’re saying out-loud to your computer like a weirdo as you read this blog alone; you’re saying “Mike, just wash your pants” but then I wouldn’t be wearing the pants and the shit would go on the floor.  Think before you speak.

Anyway, this is a serious blog.  Please don’t be put off by my shitty pants, I won’t mention them again from here on out.  

Just imagine.  An actually good live-action Legend of Zelda TV show.

 I have dreamed of this since I was a 11 year old kid when I “wrote” and “directed” an Ocarina of Time movie using my dad’s 20kg VHS cam-corder.  I never finished that movie, so this is literally unfinished business for me.

As the title of this blog suggests, for fun, I’ve put together a treatment for what I think a Legend of Zelda series could be.

If you don’t like it, no worries.  It’s not much more than fan-fiction.  If you DO like it, I dunno, share it with your friends or something.

Format, tone and general thoughts

I think the tone of the show should be light-hearted, weird, occasionally funny, and ultimately epic.  That’s what Zelda is.  I see it as Game of Thrones meets Dirk Gently, kinda.  

I personally think this should be live-action, but it doesn’t have to be, a cartoon would be cool.

I’m suggesting ten eps per season and as many seasons as possible.  In my opinion we should stay with the same Link, Zelda and Ganondorf, but there’s no real reason why the show couldn’t jump multiple generations with each season like the games do.

This treatment consists of a scene-by-scene of the pilot, and outline of episodes two and three, and basically extended log-lines for episodes four to ten.  Sorry they’re not all scene-by-scenes, it was already a lot of (fun) work to draft this and besides, I don’t think you’d want to read that much anyway.

Please bear in mind that it’s all about the execution.  These are still just ideas.  If the show was developed, things would get more complex, ledes would be excavated and everything would be amped up to make every episode as compelling as possible.  So imagine everything I say is better than it is lol.

Finally, I’ve tried to draw from / reference as many of the games as possible.  I think the show, and even this blog post, should absolutely reward fans of the franchise.

Context

We need to start off with some Hyrule Historia to set this pitch in context.  One of the things that most grounds Game of Thrones is its world’s rich history and that’s something the Zelda franchise shares.  So I want to set up some legends and lore upfront.

NB In the actual show this should not be revealed in narration or an opening scroll.  It’s primary purpose is to inform the world of Hyrule and its characters’ motivations.  It will be revealed to the audience slowly and sparingly through reference and allusion over the season.

Here we go:

Two thousand years before the events of our story, the last person to wield the power of the Triforce unified the warring tribes of the land into one principality; Hyrule.  This is not your average divide-and-conquer legend, this is something far more incredible; a conquer and unification.  The legend of an absolute badass.  The legend of Boudicca and King Arthur and Alexander the Great and William the Conqueror all rolled into one.  This is the in-world Legend of Zelda.  

That’s right, the first monarch of Hyrule was a Queen named Zelda (Breath of Wild fans: I consciously chose not to make this character the Goddess Hylia for the sake of simplicity).  Zelda brought decisive peace to the land by being unquestionably awesome, ending an ancient war between the country’s great races.  Together, the leaders of these once-warring tribes - the Gorons, the Zorras, the Ritos, Sheikah, Gerudo and the Hylians - worked with Zelda to capture the titanic, elemental monstrosities and demons they each summoned to fight on their behalf and contain them in purpose-built stone enclosures.  That’s right.  Temples.  Dungeons.  You get the idea. 

Flash forward two thousand years and this awesome history is relegated to the status of myth.  Yes, the temples still stand, but they are decrepit and overrun with flora and fauna.

These days the ancient Zelda’s direct descendent, Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule, sits upon the throne.  A wise and just ruler who, in his youth, fought bravely to quash an uprising from the worshippers of Din the Destroyer, and successfully restored his subjects rights to religious freedoms without threat of persecution.  The three major religions worship alongside each other in peace once again.  

But, in recent years, the king has grown old and feeble.

OK that’s all the history stuff out of the way so we can get on with the episodes!  It’s exciting isn’t it? I’m excited!  Are you excited?  IT’S EXCITING!

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace I’m Just Kidding That’s Not The Title Of The Episode

FADE IN on a beautiful white ship (10 history points if you get this reference) as it sails the night-time waters of the Great Bay of Hyrule Channel.  There’s no moon so it’s particularly dark, and the wind is so calm the sailors have taken to the oars.

The ship is like an island of light and life in the vast, dark nothingness - think of those wide night-time shots in James Cameron’s Titanic.  But this is more jovial.  The hundred or so passengers and crew sing and whoop and holler by the light of the ship’s candles.  Everyone’s clearly having a good, wine-fuelled time. We catch a glimpse of a young / strong / handsome / regal looking dude, singled out by his unusual pensiveness in the face of all this merriment. This is Daltus, son of King Daphnes and heir to the throne of Hyrule.

CREEEAAAKKKKK what the hell was that?  For a moment, the party is silenced…..

Nothing. Phew. The singing soon continues…  But for us the soundtrack subtly clues us into a feeling of unease.  

We zoom out to a wide-shot far enough away that the ship looks like a toy and the noise of the passengers is reduced to nothing.  From here we can just about make out the coast, more than a few miles away - too far to swim - and a great stone temple, half submerged, wholly forgotten.

SUDDENLY - punching out from the black depths without warning, a great tentacle looms up over the ship. The party is thrown into silence for a beat before screams and panic erupt like an explosion.

It’s absolute pandemonium on board as a second tentacle rips into the sky on the other side of the ship.  Daltus, cool as a cucumber, pulls out his sword.  But what can he do?  Nothing.  We all know what’s coming.  

The tentacles crash down onto the deck, each with the weight of a London bus, cleaving the splintered ship in half.

We get a glimpse of the great leviathan as it pulls the crumpling ship down under the newly formed waves.  For you die-hard fans, this is GYORG.  

CUT TO a young princess holding court in her father’s throne room, hearing the plights of the townsfolk she has granted an audience to.  

Yea you guessed it, this is Zelda, and she’s clearly a smart cookie and is fair and respectful to the townsfolk she speaks with.  At her right hand is her guardian and teacher, the Aristotle to her Alexander the Great, Impa.  A middle-aged Sheikah woman.  

By the sunlight streaming through the stained glass windows (which, by the way, tell the story of the ancient Zelda (an Easter egg, not obvious)) we know it’s the following day.

In comes this dishevelled old dude who urgently recounts the story of a sunken ship… Our sunken ship! But wait, no, his account is wrong.  He says Daltus supplied the crew with drink, that doesn’t sound right.  Woah woah, what’s he saying now?  The ship’s port-side hit a submerged rock because the crew was drunk?  That’s not at all what happened!  He is the only survivor he says, well… that part could be true.

An emotional Zelda beseeches the man “What happened to Lord this and that? did he survive?”  The old man shakes his head.  “What of lady blah blah?”  he shakes his head.  She’s building up the courage to ask the question.  It’s clear from her foggy eyes, she knows the answer.  “…My brother?” HE SHAKE HE DAMN HEAD.

Devastation.  Stoic, suppressed, sure, but devastation nonetheless.  She takes a moment to swallow her grief.

“What of Lord Ganondorf?”  WELL, says the man, some disembarked before the ship set sail, not confident of the drunken crew’s ability to sail.  Ganondorf among them.

Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!

Boom.  Next scene.  We’re getting rural now.  We are nowhere near the regal Hyrule castle, this is a luscious woodland on the other side of the kingdom.

We’re looking at a badass silhouette of a heroic figure, mounted on horseback, with a sword in one (LEFT) hand and a shield in the other.  The horse takes a few steps forward into the daylight streaming in through the canopy… not so badass.  Wooden sword, toy shield.  This is not much more than a kid.  Maybe 16 or 17.

BUT SUDDENLY the horse bolts, the kid hollas a very Link-like battle cry as he jumps off the horse and descends upon what can only be described as scarecrows, crudely mocked up to look like Moblins.  

He batters them in a fun-to-watch but technically unskilled brawl, slipping over here and there.  This is not a hero.  This is a kid.  This is a dreamer.  This is, you guessed it, Link.

He’s interrupted / embarrassed by his uncle, Alfon, and reprimanded for not getting on with his chores.  We see a glimpse of farm-life and, although Link clearly loves and respects his uncle, we know for a fact Link would rather be out there adventuring.  This is Luke Skywalker in the Act I of A New Hope.   

We also meet Malon, a milkmaid with whom Link has an adorkable relationship.  She fires seeds at him from a homemade slingshot in the same way kids pull pigtails on playgrounds.  It’s cute.

Back in Hyrule town Impa is sleuthing.  She doesn’t buy the old man’s tale because she’s SMART as HELL and follows him using her Sheikah skills as he goes about his business through our Flea-Bottom-equivalent.  He goes to a dive-bar inn, a dingy brothel… gross but, as of yet, nothing out of the ordinary for a creepy old dude.  

But then, strangely, he slips into an abandoned house, looking over his shoulder more times than an honest man would.  Impa follows.  We witness him in conversation with a shadowy figure with a woman’s voice, he asks for payment - presumably in return for lying about Daltus’ ship - and holds out his hand in expectation.  Schwing.  He drops to the floor.  We’ve just witnessed this guy’s sudden and brutal execution at the hands of the shadowy figure, who is revealed to be… a Gerudo assassin (!!!) ostensibly tying up some loose ends.  I promise I won’t use the word ‘ostensibly’ again.

Now we get some real action.  The Gerudo bails and Impa launches into full-on chase mode.  They duck and dive across rooftops.  They fight in the streets.  It’s clear that Gerudos aren’t as skilled as the Sheikah in this kind of ninja acrobatics.  In her prime, Impa would own this fight, but the Gerudo assassin is younger and fitter, evening up the odds.  

Before you ask, no this is not a no-stakes CGI extravaganza like a Daniel Craig Bondtage (just invented this word, it means Bond montage) or the Assassin’s Creed movie. This is real.  It feels real.  When they jump down off even 6 foot walls, it hurts.  Remember, Impa is a middle-aged woman.

What I’m saying is: it’s a thrilling, evenly matched fight which ends when Impa seizes an opportunity to dump tackle the sucker.  The race is over.  The interrogation is ON!

Meanwhile, in the castle the aging King is sitting top-table, with Zelda at his right hand in a privy council meeting.  All of the major races are represented around the table.  

Daphnes is looking frail.  He’s clearly too weak to be out of bed, but he’s found the strength from the loss of his son and the urgency of the situation.  

In light of recent events, he’s attempting to secure Zelda as successor to the throne.  The Gerudo representative vehemently protests the idea of a woman on the throne, demanding that “your cousin, Ganondorf, is next in line.”  Plot. Thickened.

As you might expect, this goes down about as well as a piss flavoured milkshake, especially with Darunia, the Goron representative.  Zelda makes an incredible, impassioned speech, invoking the story of her ancestor and damn she’s good.  She’s an orator on Henry V’s level. She wins over passionate Darunia and the cold, logical, but ultimately nice old Rito dude.

But despite having the loyalists round the table convinced, ultimately, the consensus is an unmarried woman, even a woman descended from the great Zelda of old, cannot inherit the throne.  Out-fucking-rageous.

Just as we’re feeling that all is lost and Ganondorf will inherit the throne, Impa BURSTS into the room - thank GOD!  She’s badly beaten and bloody, but it doesn’t slow her down.  She has proof of a plot against the crown, Daltus was murdered… by Ganondorf!  Dun dun DUN!

Voices are raised around the table, shit is hitting the fan and emotions are running high.  Impa tells the story of Daltus’ voyage as we saw it only with one added detail - forces under the command of Ganondorf intentionally released a great beast of old into the bay.  Everyone is stunned.   It’s hard to believe.  The beasts… from the stories? They’re real?  They’re still alive after two thousand years? WHAT?!  

When the question of cross examining the assassin inevitably arises, however, Impa sheepishly admits that she’s dead. Oops.  The Gerudo rep feigns offense and bones the fuck outta there.  No one really knows whether to believe this or not, but Darunia is convinced.

Back at the farm we catch up with Link after his chores are all done.  He’s back in his makeshift training area, this time under the supervision of Uncle Alfon who’s equipped with a real sword and Hylian shield.  OK so maybe he isn’t the helpless Uncle Owen Skywalker of this story (is that his last name? Is Uncle Owen Anakin’s brother or Padme’s?  Don’t look that up, it’s not important.  Keep reading.)

It’s apparent that, after witnessing the woeful display of swordsmanship earlier in the day, Alfon has finally acquiesced to Link’s repeated requests for training.  And guess what?  He is skilled.  And we get to watch him FLEX in an exciting training sequence.  

Malon, just like us, is spending her free time watching this, firing the occasional seed at our hero to distract him from the spar at inopportune moments.

This really is worlds away from the capital.

In Hyrule, ya boy Ganondorf and his followers make a play for the throne, big style.  He’s obviously caught wind of the talk at the privy council, a la the Gerudo rep who left in a huff, so he’s making a move less subtle than he would have liked but he’s still keeping it within the confines of the castle. He doesn’t yet have the forces to fight an all-out war.

This is the first time we see Ganondorf on screen and let me tell you, it’s frightening.  He’s a mountain of a man / Gerudo - the absolute personification of intimidating.  And his coup is bloody.  Everyone either dies or submits.  The king is slain. It doesn’t seem like anyone has made it out the castle alive, as is Ganondorf’s plan. 

We find out Ganondorf’s motivations and the source of his followers undying devotion to him; religion.  The worshippers of Din the Destroyer were apparently unhappy with the outcome of the recent civil war, which, as we know, granted all three major religions - worshippers of Din, Nayru and Farore - the freedom to do so. The Gerudo’s, led by Ganondorf, have been drawing plans against the crown for a generation.  But we get the sense this is just a vehicle for him, his true motivation is pure, unbridled lust for power.

Ganondorf makes it clear that he intends to force Zelda to marry him to consolidate his rule. Impa defends her with all her might but is bested by him and tossed aside, presumed dead. The mere fact that Zelda wasn’t immediately down to clown is enough to send Ganondorf into brutal rage and he slaughters the kindly Rito man from the privy council.  Zelda is imprisoned as the new regime takes hold.

Daaaaaamn son.

Back on the farm.  Rumour of the coup has already got around, but no one much cares except for those who remember the civil war, and yea that includes captain badass Uncle Alfon.

A traveller arrives, an old war buddy of Alfon’s.  He speaks of a rebellion led by the Goron, Darunia.  He must’ve made it out of the castle alive!  Alfon is totally up for knocking some heads and packs up his shit, takes the sword and shield and the horse Link was riding when we were first introduced to him.  This is an emotional moment.  Link is desperate to join but Alfon shoots him down, he is, after all, only a kid.  A kid who sucks at fighting.  Gotta commend him for his bravery though.

Alfon goes to war once again, entrusting the farm to Link and Malon.

Some time later, at the castle, Ganondorf is out quashing the uprising.  We follow a mysterious figure as he, or she, makes her way through the castle ninja-Sheikah-style, dragging a limp body along for the ride.  Fans of the series will recognise this character from their clothing.  This is Sheik.  And Sheik is rad.  

Sheik fucks up some guards and escapes the castle in a stealthy-cool sequence leading all the way out to Hyrule field, where he witnesses Ganondorf return victorious with prisoners in tow - including Darunia and Uncle Alfon.

Ganondorf orders the prisoners be taken to a concentration camp at Kakariko Village, and Darunia be sealed “in the mountain”.  As the prisoner convoy leaves, Sheik and her limp friend surreptitiously hitch a ride.

Meanwhile, at the farm, there are clearly wide-ranging consequences as a result of the coup.  Taxes have been raised.  Goods are seized by Ganondorf’s marauding forces.  Shit’s bad son.

Link is doing his chores half heartedly, head clearly stuck on the fact he’s not heard anything of his uncle’s rebellion.  He thinks about setting out to find Alfon but Malon talks him down.

All of a sudden, a ripple of shock / horror rips through the little rural community they’re within.  The traveller - Alfon’s war buddy - has returned, on Alfon’s horse.  Everyone who looks upon him is stunned.  He looks like shit.  

He shares the fate of the rebellion with Link, including that they have been taken to the concentration camp at Kakariko Village, and abruptly dies of his wounds. 

That’s it.  Link’s mind is made up. He packs a bag with food, grabs his wooden sword a shield and gets ready to set off on an epic quest.  

Just before he leaves, Malon, tears in her eyes, tries one last time to beg him to stay.  But she sees there’s no use in it.  She tosses him her slingshot.

“It’s dangerous to go alone.  Take this.”

FADE OUT 

DAAAAAMN son.

If you’ve stuck it out this far, good work.  Thank you.  I appreciate your attention.  

Honestly, I’m amazed you made it past the first paragraph, you know, the one about the shit that’s in my pants.  

Let’s keep going.  And sorry for bringing up my shitty pants again.

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones ok I guess we’re sticking with this Star Wars thing, sorry, I hate it too

Link travels through the dangerous open land of Hyrule in the direction of Kakariko village but is pretty much immediately discovered by Ganondorf’s (human) marauding forces.  He draws his wooden shield and they are immediately destroyed by the biggest, meanest marauder in the gang.  They erupt in laughter.  He draws his slingshot.  The marauders absolutely crack up, they can’t breathe, who is this kid?  Link fires, straight up blinding the grizzly one.  

Not so funny anymore.

Link is overpowered and bundled into a mobile-cell with a young Goron, Darbus, and a sheikah child named Granté.  Crucial allies going forward obviously.  

Anyway, as prisoners, guess where they’re going?  That’s right, the concentration camp at Kakariko village – exactly where we wanted to go.  Lucky…. Kind of.  

We arrive at Kakariko, a village on the foot of Death Mountain, and it’s like nothing we’ve seen yet.  It’s a totally ransacked settlement, entirely overtaken by Ganondorf’s forces a la Tywin Lannister’s occupation of Harrenhal.  But it’s not just a prison, it’s clearly the base of operations for some kind of mining / weapon smelting operation with armed workers travelling up and down Death Mountain trail.

Link learns the hard way that there’s consequences to blinding people that are bigger than you and is beaten, bloodied and bruised.  He’s about to give up hope as he is thrown into a squalid little cell, overfull with other prisoners.   One of whom is ALFON!  WE LOVE THAT GUY!  HELL YEAH!

But Alfon has been badly injured and in such disgusting conditions, without any form of medical treatment, his wound has become infected.  It’s pretty clear this dude is gonna die, and boy is it emotional.  Link’s crying, you’re crying, I’m crying.  There’s not a dry eye in the house.  Or even outside the house.   

With his dying words, Alfon manages to instill in Link a powerful need to avenge him and an immense sense of duty to ‘save Princess Zelda’.  Alfon urges Link to escape and raise another rebellion. To do so, he is told, he will need Darunia’s support.

With renewed enthusiasm, Link makes an attempt at escape.  And, you know what?  He’s actually successful, making it all the way to the armoury, where he grabs his slingshot and leaves his wooden sword and shield in favour of his uncle’s steel equivalent.  Oh shit, my boy EQUIPPED.

Covert as hell, he saves Darbus and Granté and together they make a break for the gates leading to the Death Mountain trail.  Meanwhile, in the darkness and unnoticed by our heroes, shadowy figures silently take out guards here and there.

The gang is on the home straight now, they’re about to make a break for it when suddenly they spot guards up ahead.  Slowly and quietly they try to pass them without being noticed when a chicken trots up and pecks Link’s boot.  He tries to wordlessly shoo it away, but it keeps pecking.  In a moment of frustration, he boots it one.  

Bad idea.  

Scores of chickens swoop in and go nuts attacking Link, drawing the attention of the guards.  The chickens flutter off and the real fight is on.  This time, equipped with a real sword and shield, Link is actually pretty effective, as are Granté and Darbus (who is literally a walking rock).  You’d have thought they just might win if it weren’t for the 15 extra guards joining the fray.  OH SHIT!

Just as it seems all is lost, the guards drop dead.  What the hell?  The shadowy figures emerge and are revealed to be… a Sheikah clan led by SHEIK and IMPA!  

The prisoners are liberated and everyone rejoices.  Big Act III party and debrief.  You get the idea.

FADE OUT 

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith I guess

Some days later, the Sheikah have set up something of a honey trap at Kakariko village, where marauders bring their prisoners only to be ambushed by the liberated milita.  They are running a pretty tight ship and have blocked passage to Death Mountain.  

It’s immediately apparent that the Sheikah in charge - i.e. Impa and Sheik - do not think much of Link.

Fortunately, Granté is able to convince them to grant him and Darbus passage through to Death Mountain trail.  Granté elects to stay behind for the time being to help this little resistance movement and be with his people.  Goodbye Granté, it’s been nice.

Our B story in this ep splits off here.  After Link and Darbus leave, we follow Sheik, who is revealed to be Zelda in disguise.  As she deftly interrogates Ganondorf’s forces, she uncovers some stake-raising info about a prophecy Ganondorf is trying to fulfil that sees her head off in the direction of Dragon Roost, homeland of the Rito.  But while she’s gone, the Sheikah lose control of the village and there’s a big ol’ brawl on.  This is weaved in throughout the episode; I’ve just summarised here for time.   

Back to the A story.  The Death Mountain trail is testing.  It’s increasingly steep.  The paths are old and treacherous.  They pass a lot of huge boulders.  They encounter some of Ganondorf’s forces who have been trapped up the mountain since the Sheikah revolt.   

They eventually make it to the entrance of one of the ancient temples but It’s blocked by a big – and I mean big rock – that is just impossible to move.  I know what you’re thinking, If only Link had some magic gauntlets… well HE DOESN’T FOLKS.  This is insurmountable.  He’s not going to surmount this one.  Because it’s insurmountable.   

As night falls, the two dejected friends set up camp and we get to know our characters a little better as they share stories around a campfire.  Time for a LIGHT touch of exposition which will be worked in really well:

Darbus explains that Gorons, like the Gerudo, worship the fire-god, Din, but they were happy to live in peace with the worshippers of Nayru and Farore.  This is why Darunia took Ganondorf’s seizing-of-the-throne-on-religious-grounds so personally.  

We also find out that Goron’s are really hard to kill, they are rocks after all, and this is why Ganondorf has elected to lock Darunia away instead of doing the obvious thing.   But this fact is weird because, there’s almost no Gorons left, they’re kind of an endangered species.

While Darbus is telling a particularly demonstrative story, dramatised by the long shadows cast by the torch he hold in his hand, he accidentally holds the fire too close to the big rock.  Not normally an issue, but this time…

THE BIG ROCK WAKES UP YO.  IT’S A GIANT GORON!  HELL YEAH!  OH WAIT, shit, he’s a bit grumpy about being woken up / burnt on the ass cheek.  Cue a massive, awesome stomp and dodge sequence - well Link dodges, Dalbus gets stomped right into the ground.  It’s cool and funny and we’ve never seen anything like it on TV before.

Anyway, once the giant goron has properly woken up, we find out his name is Daruk and he’s actually a nice guy.  He’s been asleep since not much after the first age (near the time of the original Zelda) and he’s pretty mad to hear about Ganondorf and Darunia etc. and the thought that he might have been picked up and moved to block the entrance is particularly offensive to him.  

He let’s them pass and goes on his own quest to wake up his brothers - all the boulders lying around the place.

FADE OUT

OK folks we’re moving onto much shorter outlines from here on out, should be quicker to get through.  Hope you can stick with me!

Episode 4: A New Hope

A Story - the fire temple:  Link and Darbus face a road of trials in the fire temple as they try to find and recover Darunia.  They discover a large boulder and Link does everything he can to wake it up, including whispering sweet things to it.  But it turns out to be just a boulder.  Darbus calls him a racist.  They eventually find Darunia, who is crushed by his recent defeat and doesn’t believe he can raise the forces to take on Ganondorf.  Together they fight a giant Dodongo, one of the titanic beasts of old.  It’s extremely cool and difficult but they somehow pull it off.  They emerge victorious to find Daruk has raised something of an army of Gorons.  Game on.

B Story - Her name was Rito and she dances in the sand:  Zelda makes her way to Dragon Roost which, by the way, is like, another mountain, slightly smaller and different in shape to Death Mountain, and with a giant egg on top of it.   She’s there to parley with the Rito Queen, Medli - who is only about 10 years old - about being granted access to their records (Rito are like, natural librarians) to learn more about this whole prophecy thing.  But Medli is a capricious little brat who’s pretty annoyed about her father, the kindly old Rito dude, being killed in Zelda’s presence and blames her for it.

C Story - Ganondorf’s diary:  Some political-intrigue here as the new administration makes plans to unify the land under Ganondorf.  We get an insight into Ganondorf’s plan.  Something about the Triforce, a shadow realm, and something about him being a vessel for something something, I think he said… Ganon.

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back yep we’re still doing this star wars thing

A Story - off to see the sea: Link and the Goron army head down to Kakariko and CRUSH the revolt of Ganondorf’s forces, saving Impa and the rest of the Sheikah.  They hatch a plan to raise armies all over the land to rebell against Ganondorf.  The Gorons stay behind to build their numbers and strength in that area of the map.  Link visits Alfon in the slightly-over-flowing Kakariko graveyard before setting off in the direction of the Great Bay with Impa where they find all Zorra-hands are on deck trying to deal with the GYORG situation.

B Story - Des-pa-Rito: Zelda is charged with the murder of the Rito king and fights extremely effectively in a trial-by-combat.  By winning, she gains the respect of Medli and is granted access to their records.  Zelda discovers a prophecy about GANON, an other-worldy beast of great power and the enemy of the Zelda of old.  She suspects Ganondorf plans to summon him into our realm and she’s dead set on stopping him.  She also learns of the Master Sword, the only worldly sword that can damage the beast and which once belonged to her ancestor.  It was last left in a sacred temple what is now an overgrown ancient woodland.  

C Story - Going Ganon: In a sick, bloody ritual, like the dead body parts of wildlings in ep 1 of GoT, Ganondorf unseals Ganon’s ethereal prison, and is possessed by it, granting him absolute knowledge of the Triforce and how to attain it.

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

A Story - water temple: Impa intuitively believes there’s something in the temple that can be used to restrain GYORG and sends Link in after it.  The whole place is booby-trapped to hell because, you know, you’re not supposed to go in there.   

B Story - More like burRito: Zelda presents her findings to Medli but, although she has forgiven Zelda, she refuses to aid in the upcoming war against Ganondorf.  Zelda sends a messenger bird back to where she thinks Impa is - Kakariko - and heads off in the direction of the ancient woodland.  Before she can get there, she is accosted by a band of Gerudos.  They don’t recognise her in her Sheik gear so she pretends to join them and it works for a while, but, right at the end of the ep, her secret is discovered.  Cliffhanger. 

C Story - a mission from a god: Ganondorf / Ganon now knows he needs to unite with Zelda and Link to seal the deal and take control of the Triforce.

Episode 7: The (Tri)Force Awakens see what I did there

A Story - gone fishing: Impa’s hunch was right and Link is successful in retrieving an ancient, gigantic trawling net.  Together they engage GYORG and ultimately recapture it.

B Story - Getting Gerdoed: Zelda makes a break for the ancient woodlands.  She fights, runs, fights s’more and is ultimately captured by the Gerudos before she can find the sword.  She is marched to Hyrule castle.

C Story - an army and a leggy: Ganon’s machinations get interrupted when he gets wind of a large Goron army at Kakariko.  His own forces have grown in strength and number by now so he’s not too worried.  They march. 

Episode 8: The Last Jedi (we’re running low on ep titles)

A Story - team building:  With GYORG back in his play pen, Impa and Link attempt to secure the Zorra’s support in the upcoming war with Ganondorf.   

B Story - home sweet home: Zelda is returned to Hyrule castle and locked up a bit tighter than last time.

C Story - war boys: Ganon’s forces march to Kakariko en masse, ready to break necks and cash cheques, when Ganon receives a message that Zelda is captured.  He leaves the army and heads back to the castle.

Episode 9: Episode IX yea I know but this is genuinely the working title of it though

A Story - the master sword: Link and Impa set off to Kakariko, arriving as Ganondorf’s forces get there.  The war is about to begin when Impa receives Zelda’s message which has been waiting for her there since two episodes ago.  She learns about the prophecy and sends Link to the ancient woodlands to find the Master Sword.  In the woodlands, Link is accosted by a Yoda-on-Degoba-level-annoying Skullkid.  The SkullKid is mischievous and annoying but ultimately leads Link to the Master Sword.

B Story - the smell of napalm in the morning: The war kicks off.  Filmed like the Battle of the Bastards but following Link’s various allies from throughout the season.  Even with their rock-hard bods, the Gorons are being overpowered.  But then the Zorras arrive and it evens out the odds.

C Story - creepy cousin: Ganon and Zelda have an intense chat.  He reveals his plans, but not in a traditional James Bond villain way.  In a cool and also sensical way.  LIGHT exposition.

Episode 10: The Force Shits its Pants I made this title up but it’s what the tenth star wars film should be called imo

A Story - Tri forced: Link arrives.  This is the first time he gets to be face-to-face with Ganondorf and even Zelda out of her Sheik costume.  Zelda is like “YOU? You’re the hero Ganondorf’s been going on about?  The dumbass from Kakariko?”  Link is like “Well… excuse me, princess.”  The fight starts and Link is battered.  He immediately loses.  Of course he does.  He’s not even that good at fighting.  Ganondorf takes possession of the Triforce and his physical form takes that of Ganon’s.  A shockwave explodes out from the castle, terraforming the world into the Dark Realm (think: the Upside Down from Stranger Things)…

B Story - the big fight: The Goron, Zorra, Sheikah alliance is winning when a wave of darkness envelopes them.  Marauders turn into moblins like a werewolf in the full moon, Gerudo transform into flying beasts.  The air support in particular gives the forces of evil an edge and the balance sways yet again… fuck.

A Story: Link refuses to stop fighting, even though Ganondorf has become the great beast that is Ganon.  But he’s still getting his ass handed to him.  

B Story:  The Rito arrive and even up the odds again.

A Story: Zelda distracts Ganon and Link is able to drive the sword into his mouth and win. Ganondorf dies, the Dark Realm recedes back into itself taking Ganon with it.

Epilogue:  Order is restored.  Zelda becomes queen.  Race relations are at an all time high.  Link returns home to Malon.  Big party.

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Post credit sequence: In the woodland, the Skullkid accosts another traveller in the same way he accosted Link.  But this traveller is… a creepy mask salesman.

FADE OUT!

Phew, wow.  That’s a wrap folks. Well done.  If you got this far, seriously, thank you.  Now follow me on twitter.

Mike xxx

[gman-003]

Skyward Sword play log excerpts

Oh hey, guess who’s still alive? I kind of got sucked into a vortex of freelance projects and moving, and I had completely no time to work on this. I didn’t even queue up the stuff I’d pre-written, things were so hectic. But it seems to be stabilizing now, more or less. I’m not going to try to commit to a schedule yet but I’ll still update on a Tuesday when I do.

While playing, I kept a log of thoughts and experiences, to aid the writing process. Since I'm in the middle of playing, I tend to write in an abbreviated, stream-of-consciousness style. Sometimes it turns out kind of funny. I thought I'd go ahead and share some of the better bits.

And then I swear we are DONE with this fucking game and I’ll be posting about Minish Cap next.

Side note: start with six hearts? wtf worst zelda ever

Six notes in and I'm already declaring it the worst game in the series. I am the *best* at games criticism.

Do the Loftwings not get names? Very bad writing to say "you have a close bond" with a nameless bird. Even just "Crimson" would have been something.

I continued to refer to Link's Loftwing as "Crimson" throughout my notes, because seriously, why don't they have names, if they're supposed to be so important? And why couldn't you just let the player pick a name, the way you could name your horse in earlier games. I judged this complaint too trivial to waste time expounding on, but still, it bugged me.

The idea of a sentient spirit embedded in the Master Sword (this isn't the Master Sword yet but I'll be fucked sideways if the game doesn't end up with that happening) is cool

I also don't filter out my profanity when jotting down notes. "Fucked sideways" is an abbreviated form of "fucked with a sideways rake", which doesn't actually make much more sense, come to think of it. I'm not sure what axis you rotate it on to go sideways...

An invisible voice (a new one this time) tells me to hit it with a skyward strike. I initially thought this was a blatant trap to release some ancient evil, and tried to find ways to bypass it but no, that's actually what you're supposed to do.

Seriously, I thought hammering the sealing spike home was a trap to release an unspeakable horror that would form the rest of the game, and was looking for a sneaky way around it for a secret ending. Nope. You're supposed to listen to the invisible voices. That's practically the moral of *Skyward Sword*, since Zelda also triumphs through the power of listening to invisible voices.

minesweeper in a zelda game? I was not ready. Or actually I was. Perfect beginner game on third try, moved on.

Do not ask how I got to be so good at Minesweeper. It would ruin my hardcore-gamer cred. I'm just naturally good at logic puzzles - that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

game stubbornly continues to give me rupees (full wallet) instead of hearts (1/2 heart left)

You'd think eleven thousand words complaining about a single Zelda game would be enough, but no, I had to cut a lot.

technoblins are constantly blocking me. checking strategy guide for how to not get blocked. Strategy guide useless

This would not be the last time the strategy guide lied to me.

woo vent crawling. expect headcrabs?

wtf groose you live in the sky how do you not know what BIRDS are

 so impa's an angel now. and also gandalf

fucking water temple

This will likely not be the last time this phrase makes an appearance.

Tentalus is supposed to look scary? It looks like a plastic toy teenage girls attach to their cell phones

hey ghirahim, all you had to do to find the second time gate was follow Link stealth-like and wait for Fi to remind him

A lot of game villains would do well to spy on the hero and overhear their advisor characters telling them exactly what to do.

wasn't hyrule polytheistic?

Seriously, can someone make sense of Hyrulian theology? Is Hylia a higher or lower goddess than Farore/Nayru/Din? How is she supposed to fit into the creation myth? If the Hyrulians have a race-specific guardian deity, do the other races have the same? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS WE WANT ANSWERED.

obligatory zelda tennis boss

Again, we'll probably see this note in pretty much every play log.

tadtone (eugh) search goddammit it's not even a search, it's a bunch of "solve my maze" bullshit

Superman 64 is my go-to reference for this particularly stupid and annoying minigame archetype. Does anyone like it when a game puts the fun on hold and makes you literally jump through hoops?

Oh sure THIS GUY recognizes me as a hero right off the bat, no stupid PROVE THY WORTH quest

I don't remember exactly who THAT GUY was. One of the dragons, probably.

LD-Link-16 start your theories

In reference to a robot in the mines section, near the dragon. But I never actually came up with a good theory for this, although it *is* evidence of prior Links in the timeline, which implies *Skyward Sword* isn't the first one.

[breakingarrows]

Discourse Conversations During E3 2019

Watching press conferences and livestreams of various talking heads discuss whatever video game thing they saw that day is only part of E3. Another major part is the social media discussions that unfold faster and accumulate more conversation than any ten hour IGN livestream could. However, like any form of discourse being developed on Twitter and elsewhere, it can be easily lost if you aren’t in the moment, and nearly impossible to find due to some of the best commentary coming indirectly. This is a small attempt to capture some of that discourse that unfolded during this week of E3 2019.

Before E3 even started we already had a large social media argument about “spoilers” for the press conferences. Essentially: people went back and forth on whether or not to share/publish/promote leaks of things like, “This game surprise is going to happen!” While things like Breath of the Wild direct sequel being announced is a fun secret to watch live, a headline report spreading online beforehand isn’t something to condemn. The sort of corporate love-fest E3 already is will only continue when gamers are actively antagonistic to anything other than the publisher message being put out. As many of these discourse conversations will go, this is the same old song and dance we have seen for over a decade. If you don’t want to see anything before a corporation hits “go” on a press conference, just stay offline and don’t bitch about it at whoever it is that’s publishing details earlier than the publisher dictated commercial. People trying to frame this as hurting developers feelings should redirect that energy towards unionization and fair pay advocacy, not, “Please don’t publish details early, these people worked really hard to sell me this game.”

Perhaps the biggest thread-spawner was the reappearance of Cyberpunk 2077 from CD Projekt Red at the Microsoft press conference. Developer CDPR also owns GOG, which has previously tweeted a gamergate related gif of Postal 2, a, “did you just assume their gender?” response tweet from the Cyberpunk account, and using the #WontBeErased for GOG games. Eurogamer has a rundown of it all here. Then this week, you have Keanu Reeves making a surprise appearance in the game Cyberpunk 2077 as well as on the Microsoft stage to announce the release date. The internet goes wild, fueled by post-John Wick 3 hype and long-lasting Keanu love. Then an advertisement in-game for ChroManticore appears, bearing the image of a presumably trans-female with a large erect dick and the phrases, “Mix It Up,” and, “16 flavors you’d love to mix.” CDPR’s explanation via Polygon was: “This is all to show that [much like in our modern world], hypersexualization in advertisements is just terrible,” Redesiuk continued. “It was a conscious choice on our end to show that in this world — a world where you are a cyberpunk, a person fighting against corporations. That [advertisement] is what you’re fighting against.” Responses were generally critical of the ads message, intentional or not, as well as critical due to CDPR’s past actions. “Also, as a note, and this is all i'm gonna say: in proper context, that ad could absolutely be a meaningful statement in a cyberpunk world, and we don't know the context. But also, sadly, CDPR has burned all their trust and have given us little reason to take them in good faith.” [source] That about sums up most of the opinions coming from trans critics, CDPR has failed to properly respect them in the past, why should this be treated in good faith?

Discussions about cyberpunk weren’t limited just to the one game, as it also extended a previous conversation about the origins of cyberpunk as a genre and if the genre has any inherent themes no matter its adaptation or usage. One thread making the rounds argued that cyberpunk is inherently xenophobic, playing on fears of Eastern Asian cultures spreading and taking over the world. Other pushed back against this, citing early Japanese media that heavily influenced western cyberpunk fiction, not the other way around. The opinion I most agreed with was, “Maybe I'm being naive, but everyone keeps saying ‘Cyberpunk is good’ or ‘Cyberpunk is bad’ or ‘Cyberpunk is X’ as if cyberpunk is a cohesive, monolithic thing. It's a genre that has been around for decades which countless different creators have contributed to, and all of those creators were trying to say different things within the genre.” [source] “I am beginning to feel like strongly emphasizing genre as an acting force is kind of formalist nonsense? Like, cyberpunk or whatever isn't any *thing*--it's just a set of ideas some people have used, and other people can take or not take or use or not use.” [source]

Another big topic was the continuing saga of games as non-political and the back and forth between media and developers/publishers/PR in the lead up to a game’s release. Games have messages, but their creators, whether intentionally or due to PR, won’t engage with those ideas during pre-release coverage most of the time. Those sorts of conversations don’t happen until post-release, because the previews are generally focused on the gun-feel or summarizing slideshow pitches. There is also a disconnect between what “political” even means. “They think ‘political’ means being explicitly literalist about what every single moment means instead of being in any capacity complex or open to audience interpretation, for better or worse.” [source] Chris Avellone, longtime games writer, had a statement in a VG247 article about whether stories can be apolitical. “If you’re purposely pushing an agenda or point of view in your game – especially a real-world one that’s clearly divorced from the game world – and you’re dictating that perspective as correct vs. asking a question or examining the perspective more broadly, then it’s left the gaming realm and the ‘game’ has become a pulpit.” However, in an example like Far Cry 5, a game that doesn’t “push an agenda,” actively, still promotes a specific perspective or viewpoint as valid with its endings, as I detailed before. “But, another (very reasonable group, to which I largely subscribe) would say that ‘asking questions that emerge from perspectives in the fiction’ is *exactly* what being political is--interrogating our relationships to each other and the world.” [source] This topic also seemed to collapse in on itself when Watch Dogs Legion was announced, playing on the fears of a post-Brexit London and an authoritarian surveillance state, and coopting the “welcome to the resistance” which is mostly mocked by leftists online whenever someone from the right is kicked out of their group. Definitely not political.

This is also a very tired subject. Ubisoft for years, and other publishers as well, have avoided talking about their games messages relating to the current events during events like E3. Continually the press laments and pushes back against it on social media and sometimes in previews, but the cycle continues. “You know how I've argued ‘We need to stop debating if games are art and just do the job of treating them like art?’ It's also time to move past ‘Can games be apolitical?’ and just focus on continuing critical cultural analysis. Do the work, make it unavoidable, shift the frame. To be clear, I think we needed to spend some time on that earlier debate just to have a mass-level, stakes-setting conversation. But at this point, the best way to push back on ‘No, no, we just make games just ask questions’ is to show how those games actually offer answers.” [source] This is true, but it’s also something others (mostly non-staff people) have been saying for years now.

The annual, “E3 is weird huh?” conversation also happened, like it has for at least the past five years. In May it begins with, “Man what is E3 going to be like this year?” Then E3 happens, everyone does their shit, and at the end they go, “Boy what’s next year going to be like?” The major difference this time was Sony’s complete absence from the show. Despite not having a press conference or show floor presence with demos and presentations, games media still had plenty to talk about, including E3’s relevance. It seems to be the same old song and dance, with the ending statement being, “Well I guess we’ll wait and see what next year is like.”

Another repeated conversation was that of video game streaming platforms, with Stadia having another presentation pre-E3 and Microsoft coming out with console and internet streaming plans for later this year. No real advances were made in this conversation other than confirmation that, yeah, Stadia streaming for those with data caps on internet or smartphone use are going to be fucked if they want the best presentation, which of course they would. Not a ton of talk about the details behind how developers would be paid, though going by how streaming has been slowly killing the movie and music industries, it is not going to be good. Of course the usual access and archivist arguments continue, which I am 100% behind.

New game details sparked lots of speculation, mostly in regards to a direct sequel to Breath of the Wild, one of the few good Zelda games. Being a direct sequel to a previous entry and having a trailer with a darker tone, mean Majora’s Mask became a recurring subject in regards to what this follow up could be. The inclusion of visuals and audio cues seemingly from Twilight Princess also fueled the “darker” Zelda sequel. Some also speculated about a playable Zelda, which, don’t get your hopes up people, this is Nintendo after all.

A game closer in release and in my heart is Final Fantasy VII Remake, which looks to be a big fucking hot mess. Broken up into parts, each seemingly equivalent to a mainline Final Fantasy game in content, this first one releasing next March (we’ll see about that) will only cover the Midgar section of Final Fantasy VII. You know, that section that takes about five hours to complete in the original release. Now that’s going to be extended into probably 30+ hours, which means lots of new original content coming from Square Enix, who are great at adding great new content to the already existing universe of Final Fantasy VII! Despite that I’m still very interested in getting my hands on it and playing through it all. I really like the opening hours of Final Fantasy VII, I just have little faith that they are going to do anything interesting with the new content and not make it feel like filler. It appears Jessie will have a much more expanded role, but still no word on the crossdressing or squats minigame. Combat has been very much changed, and everything is super overproduced in terms of visual flairs, which might explain why there will be TWO blu-ray discs! TWO! Red Dead Redemption 2 is the only other game to do this!

Back to Nintendo, Animal Crossing will now allow players to choose their skin tone, something that has been asked for a very, very long time now. They also confirmed they will let you use whatever hair type you want, which some people took and ran with as equivalent to them saying trans rights, which, no? “You guys please these are fucking table scraps. This is not pro-trans this is just a bare minimum feature for thee love of god.” [source] “Not only is that animal crossing thing a bare minimum there weren't hair restrictions in new leaf anyway???” [source] This was giving me flashbacks to when Soldier 76 was shown to be gay in a tertiary comic from Overwatch and people went nuts despite it not being represented in the game at all. Also, “quick reminder that nintendo fired a support team member bc of ppl making trans flag stages in smash bros” [source] [source]

There was some good news, Ikumi Nakamura came out and presented her new game Ghostwire to rapturous reception. A female creative director, a visually interesting trailer, and an excited jump at presenting her game made her the darling presenter alongside the likes of Keanu Reeves. She was previously an artist on Bayonetta, The Evil Within and its sequel, and made her own Twitter account during E3 to celebrate with her fans. Some of the reaction is probably rooted in how Asian women are treated as adorable and infantilized when compared to others, but she’s been having a good time gathering all the fan art of herself on Twitter, so for now it’s a nice break from the usual depressing nature of AAA publisher presentations.

Lastly, this wasn’t so much a part of the discourse but just an amazing moment, Dr Disrespect was banned from Twitch and thrown out of E3 after he live streamed in a bathroom without censoring other people’s faces, violating a California privacy law. As Alex so wonderfully stated, “this is our generation’s version of Capone going down for tax evasion.”

There was probably a lot of other conversations going on and this isn’t even the full depth of what I tried to find but boy does going back on timelines and searching for threads and responses and quote tweets and subtweets take way too much time. Anyway hope this proves to be a good time capsule for E3 2019 discourse and can’t wait for next year where a majority of these topics are readdressed again and again and again. Video games!