#something in every avenue etc etc and some dogs will be in places doing things they shouldnt be

[fjordfolk]

i sometimes wonder if the people who put sad face emojis on show groomed dogs are also critical of compulsion in hobbyist dog training or reliance on stress in sports

[adrianasunderworld]

Papa Crewel

a drabble In which Yuu/Mc realizes Crewel has become their father figure.

Summer vacation is fast approaching and Yuu is...still there. It’s not surprising but also very upsetting. But right now the most pressing issue is how they will spend the summer. Because with the school being closed for the next few months, Yuu is kinda screwed and will likely be stuck as a grounds keeper for Crowley just so they have a place to stay. Luckily for them, the rest of the staff won’t let that happen. They all debate on who should act as Yuus guardian over the summer. Trein initially offers. He’s a father himself and raised two girls, what's one more child for a couple months? Crewel immediately shoots it down, and says he will gladly take Yuu in. He says it would be best for them to go with who they would be most comfortable with, and as their homeroom teacher they know him best. But truthfully Crewel has grown rather fond of Yuu over the school year. To simply pass them off on someone else felt wrong. Besides, a summer with old Trein? His pup would be bored out of their skull and he can’t have that. Other staff members offered up their homes, but Crewel refused to back down on the matter, and it was decided Yuu would be sent to live with him.

On the last day of school, after everyone had gone, Yuu and Grim packed whatever few belonging they had into the back of Crewels car before bidding campus farewell for the time being. The drive isn't very long, and they are soon pulling up to the surprisingly large house. A few excited dogs run up to greet them, and Yuu thinks this may not be so bad. Crewel shows them to their room. Grim makes himself comfortable on the bed as Crewel explains the house rules. Which isn't much, mostly the usual clean up after your self, if you're going out let him know, etc. For such a strict professor, he’s oddly lax as a guardian. As the next couple weeks pass, things are...normal. Yuu sleeps in a bit, plays with the dogs, maybe walk around with Grim to explore the neighborhood, is always back in time to help Crewel make dinner. This is the most stability Yuu has had in almost a year and it feels surreal. They keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never comes. Instead of Overblots and magical misshaps, they get lake visits and shopping trips. 

Their room is comfortable. The first week there Crewel helped them unpack and even offered to take them to get a few things to make it more to their liking. Like picking out bedsheets, curtains, maybe some posters. Yuu doesn't want to take advantage of their teachers' generosity, but Crewel won’t take no for an answer, and soon the room feels almost like Yuu had lived there the whole time. Even the dogs have taken to napping at the foot of the bed with Grim as if it's always been this way. Among the things Crewel got for Yuu was a new phone. He said the one Crowely gave them was no better than a cheap brick, and that they needed something that wasn’t going to give out on them anytime soon. Especially in an emergency. Yuu realized Crewel was serious when they and Grim got lost on one of their outings. They ventured farther into town and got completely lost. Every Turn seemed to make it worse and the streetlights had already come on. Not knowing what else to do, Yuu called Crewel who picked up after a couple rings.

 “Hello, Pup, having fun out there?”

 “Um…Crewel? I need help.”

His voice got very serious at hearing how worried they sounded. “What’s wrong?”

   “Grim and I got lost in town and I have no clue how to get back to the house.”

   “Do you know the street name you're on?”

   “Um…White Avenue. And there's a cafe nearby called the Red Rose.”

   “Alright, I’ll be there in about ten minutes. Just stay put.”

   And true to his word, Crewel pulls up in his car soon after, asking if they're okay. Yuu felt an overwhelming sense of relief. They had gotten so used to dealing with everything themselves, that something as simple as being picked up when they're lost was refreshing.

As the summer went on Crewel continued to look after Yuu. From getting their back to school supplies. Taking them on day trips to visit friends. Even scolding them to stay in bed and drink their medicine when they got a nasty cold after getting caught in the rain. One night as they were video chatting with Deuce and Ace, Crewel came into the room and reminded them not to be up too late since they had a ton of errands to run tomorrow and said goodnight.

“He sounds like your dad.” Ace joked.

“Papa Crewel!” Grim agreed, knowing better than the boys that that wasn’t much of an exaggeration. 

Yuu only rolled their eyes. “He’s just being responsible and looking after me.”

“Like a parent would.” Deuce said.

“Are you going to change your last name when Crewel adopts you?” Ace continued to tease. Yuu let him have his fun, but the thought of their professor being like their dad stuck in their head long after the call ended.

An old friend of Crewels was having a baby, and Yuu had tagged along with him to the shower. Everyone was nice to them, people were laughing as the new mother opened gifts. Parents were sharing stories and had their children running about. Yet Yuu had never felt so…alone. In school they had their peers and friends, there was hardly a chance to be lonely. But here everyone was so familiar with one another, family and life long friends. Yuu felt that familiar sense of hollowness they felt over winter break. They missed their friends and family back home. They tried not to dwell on the very real possibility they would never see them again. When it was finally time to leave, Crewel noted how silent Yuu was on the drive back.

Yuu can’t sleep that night. Not wanting to disturb Grim or the dogs, they slowly slip out of bed and wander the halls of the large house. Eventually they sat in the dark of the living room. Hugging a furry pillow, Yuu started to cry. All the loneliness and homesickness that had built up finally came bursting out in muffled sobs. They didn’t know how long they sat in the dark until a familiar voice interrupted.

“Pup? What’s wrong?”

Crewel sat next to them wondering if Yuu had hurt themselves or something. Instead they threw their arms around him and kept crying, the sound no longer muffled by the pillow. Through their sniffling, he managed to figure out what was wrong and hugged them back. Telling them that it would be alright. They weren’t alone. They had him, Grim, and all their friends. 

As Crewel continued to comfort them, they realized Ace wasn’t really joking. Crewel had become a father to them in every way that mattered. 

[jimlingss]

The Devil’s Advocate

➜ Words: 11.8k

➜ Genres: 98% Fluff, 2% Smut, Devil!AU

➜ Summary: The devil is a lazy. selfish. bastard. He never shows up for work and forces you to take his place at the gates of Hell. But when he follows you on your vacation — you have an inkling of his intentions. After all, you are his advocate.

➜ Warnings: Implied smut, violence, killing, etc.

There’s a proverb out there that says: talk of the devil and he is sure to appear.   But no matter how much you talk, curse, and wish for him to show up to his damned job — he never does. So because of him, every single day in this burning inferno eternity, you're always running.   "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"   The guards step swiftly away as you sprint past with fire on your heels — they're not unfamiliar with this sort of sight. After all, the same thing happens day in and day out.   Yoongi is seated at his desk, feet propped up on the surface of said desk. He’s casually leaning back on his chair, elbow propped up on the armrest, fingers playing with a few strands of his hair. “You're late.”   “I know.” You’re heaving for air while balancing the pile of file folders and paperwork that goes over your head. You drop it on your desk with a massive thump that teeters the desk’s legs from the sheer force and has the people wincing.   He would make another snarky comment but your deep eye bags and trembling hands are pitiful enough.   “Alright.” The angel stands onto his feet again. “First person, please.”   One of Yoongi's assistance in her white robes looks down at the clipboard and calls the next dead soul that's been in line. “Kim Namjoon.”   Immediately, you shuffle your files to find the right one, struggling in the mess of yet another late night. In the meanwhile, the man steps up with a nervous posture, reverent with his hands folded in front of him and Yoongi reads from his own papers.   “Alright. Looks like you were an academic most of your life. A very quiet existence, huh? Never married or any kids. Let's see here. Oh. You dedicated your life to research of koala birth control. A very good contribution to society. You volunteered at soup kitchens a lot too — even on the day of your death.”   “I like to help people,” the man pipes up in a timid mutter.   Yoongi's cat-like eyes flicker to the top of his paper, having never asked him to speak. And the glare from the angel has the man tight-lipped again. “Your history shows you were very altruistic. Looks like you can head to heaven.”   “Wait!” You stand up once you finally find the right file, stopping the soul before it can take a step closer towards the glowy gates.    At your rebuttal, Yoongi rolls his eyes and plops back down into his swivel chair.   “Here we go again....”   You hold the file up. “Kim Namjoon, you were at Imlings Street on October twenty fifth, twenty nineteen, correct?”   “Y-Yes?” The deceased human swallows hard, not sure where you're going with this. But he’s undoubtedly nervous that you're speaking, after all you’re the woman in bright carmine. Namjoon looks at the angel for help but Yoongi doesn't even blink. “I worked near there.”   “And you were there that night at ten?”   “I-I don't remember.”   “Well, you were celebrating your friend's birthday that night, right?”   “Oh yeah…” His brows furrow as it slowly comes back to him.   “And at some point, you were standing near the corner street near Fifth avenue, correct?”   “Yes...? I suppose.”   “Is it true you could see down the alleyway the restaurant called Dog World?”   Namjoon pales. “Umm....”   The deceased human obviously recalls why this night was significant in particular — and it seems to be a memory that he’s attempted to suppress through his entire lifetime.   “Answer the question, human,” Yoongi sighs, fiddling with a pen in his cup holder.   “Yes.”   “And you witnessed a woman being murdered, correct?”   The man nearly starts sobbing. He whimpers, and manages a slight nod.   “We need you to speak, Mr. Kim.”   “Yes!” he shouts, distressed.    “You did nothing to stop it, right?”   “I...I couldn’t!”   “Well, you didn't call the police?”   “I didn't.”   “You just left while the woman was being murdered.” As you speak, the man starts wailing hysterically, aware of where this is going. He attempts to beg for forgiveness, but neither you nor Yoongi pay any mind. It’s always the last moments that humans are filled with regret — the moments when it matters, not the moments when it didn’t. “Are you aware that the omission to act when you have a moral duty to is a grave sin?”   He hiccups, sobbing.   “It is equally as bad to be a bystander as a perpetrator,” you continue. “You could've saved her.”   Yoongi waves his hand. “Alright, alright. You've convinced us.” The angel spares the man from being berated and grilled, granting him at least a bit of mercy. “You're going to hell.”   “No! No!”    He howls at the top of his lungs, but the two guards grab each side of him and begin dragging him past you. The barbed, black gates open wide to welcome him in, creaking on their hinges, and his scream is heard echoing as he’s thrown down the red-glowing, inferno pit.   You don’t know why they’re always crying — it’s kind of insulting to your home.   Hell’s not that bad.   “Next person!” Yoongi calls.   When humans die, most of their souls rise to purgatory — an empty void of nothingness — where they stand in a single-file line waiting to get to the gates. There, the devil and an angel representative come to judge where the soul shall reside as each come up one by one.    But the devil never shows up to do his job, to serve judgment to human souls.   You’re his substitute.    You’re the devil’s advocate.   “Am I going to see you tomorrow?”   It’s been a long day and you feel your eyeballs burning as you pack up the mess of your files. You’ll have to sort them again, but for now, you stuff whatever you can back into your briefcase.   “No, it's my day off. Jimin'll probably be here instead.” Yoongi sips the glittering golden liquid in his chalice. Angels — always so pretentious. “Let me guess, you’ll still be here.”   “Hopefully not.” There’s a small smile gracing your lips, but it’s futile. Everyone knows you’ll have to show up. The lazy devil never shows up and does his own bidding.   “You’re overworking yourself, Y/N,” Yoongi mumbles in disgust as he watches you try to pile your stack of papers that’s practically teetering from side to side. “Haven’t you thought about going on vacation or something?”   “Vacation?” you exhale, arms straining under the weight.   His eyes light up as he remembers something. “Have you ever heard about that famous cruise? What was it again?” Yoongi looks over at his assistant and her eyes flicker up.   “Sins Cruise Line,” she deadpans.   He snaps his fingers. “Right. I heard it was amazing. Each day is dedicated to a deadly sin or something. Too bad they only have it in hell — makes me want to visit some time. But does the publicity live up to the name?”   “How am I supposed to know?”   Yoongi’s eyes dim. His excitement dies on the spot. “Of course you wouldn’t.” The angel grabs his briefcase. “Well see you some time, Y/N. I’m going to my vacation home over the long weekend.”   “Goodbye, Yoongi.”   He enters the gates of Heaven and disappears from sight. You go on your own way, bringing your tall files back. But his words stick to you. They’re devilishly tempting.   //   You’re writing away on parchment with your quill dipped with black ink, preparing more documents and affidavits. But you stop momentarily to roll your neck and ease your tense muscles. You lean back in your chair, staring around at the red room you’re in, and the tiny desk that you occupy. Across the room is the devil’s desk, large and imposing, with an uncomfortable chair across his velvet one. Though the surface has collected a thick layer of dust on the surface.   “Debra!” you shout her name and the sluggish secretary comes in. She has gray hair, kitten heels clicking on the scarlet carpet, skirt past her knees. The demon woman reminds you of church-goer humans who often shout profanities at you as if they’re attempting to exorcise you while you’re just trying to make a legal case — they frequently run into Yoongi’s arms too, impressing neither you nor him.   “Yes?”   You set your quill down. “Have you ever heard of Sins Cruise Line?”   She exhales in exhaustion. “Can’t say I have…”   “Well...then. Umm, can you find me a pamphlet of theirs?”   She stares and then slowly turns away from the room without acknowledgment.   But the secretary eventually comes back half an hour later and slaps the rectangular papers to your desk. She turns away, returning to her front desk, and while you try to focus on your work until the next break, the temptation of the pamphlet sitting at the corner becomes too strong.   You put down your quill to open it.   At once, your pupils dilate. There’s a picture of the glorious red sea, the colour of crimson and a white pristine ship on it. Your indulgence is ours. How fancy. It looks like there’s a variety of facilities and lots of activities to do. It looks fantastic and your muscles are already relaxing as you look at the pictures.   But you can’t….   You can’t just leave your job….   Can you?

Turns out you can — that it is in fact possible.   It’s so surreal, you can’t believe that you’ve somehow managed to actually get time off, that the infamously lazy devil actually agreed to it and will come back to work so you can take a break.   Now you’re standing on the harbour with your suitcase in hand, staring at the white ship in front of you. Yoongi would be proud.   “Cocktail?”   The worker hands one to you on his platter, and you hesitate. “Can I really?”   “Of course.” He grins. “Your indulgence is our pleasure.”   You hold the cool glass while stepping onto the incline to get on the ship’s deck. The chilling wind entwines into your hair and you sip the liquid, your feet afloat already. “Welcome aboard to Sins Cruise Line! Your indulgence is our pleasure!”   The workers wave, giving a warm welcome with perfect smiles. You might be in Heaven.   “We can show you the way to your room. What is your name?”   “Y/N L/N.” One of the demon women takes a look at your ticket and smiles. “Right this way.”   After a millennium of working, this is what you deserve.   You’re given a short, brief tour of the massive cruise ship. “—week-long, each day to indulge in a deadly sin—” And not long after are you brought to your modest-sized ocean view room. “—canal surrounds hell. It’s quite lovely during the night when the water glows red. Have you ever seen it before?”   “No, I can’t say that I have,” your voice trails off and you look at towels shaped into animals on your bed as well as the edible arrangement on your coffee table. “Wow….”   “I’m glad you like it. It’s all complimentary,” the girl giggles. “I should also tell you that today is dedicated to greed. We’ll be having a gambling night down at the casino floor starting in the evening. Other than that, feel free to ask anything whatsoever. We’ll always be around.”   “Thank you.”   And you’re sincere about your gratitude. You’ve never experienced something like this before.   You flop down onto the soft bed before getting up after a moment. There’s too much to explore, too much to see than to stay in a small space between four walls. You’ve done that enough and you find yourself quickly slipping away from your room.   As you pace the area, you muse that you could potentially spend the rest of your existence on this ship, indulging like you should be, giving into temptation, living in a daze, high on bliss—   “Where’s my refill?! I’ve been waiting for five minutes!”   Your smile falls. Goosebumps raise all over your body. The barking voice is so familiar that it sends chills down your spine. It’s an automatic response, like a dog made on alert, and your head swivels over.   Instantaneously, your eyes connect to darker ones. They’re pools of deep brown nearing black. And the corner of their plump lip tugs into a sly smirk.   What the hell was the devil doing here?   “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N.” He abandons his drink on the tray of the server that just rushed over and ignores him in favour of you. The devil makes long strides across the deck towards you and when you stumble back, his smile widens into a friendlier one. Had you blinked, you would’ve missed the sparkle of dangerous mischief in his eyes. “What a coincidence.”   “A coincidence?!”   You’re unintentionally cowering lower than him, posture bending to his imposing aura. He looms over you with his tall height, covering you with his shadows that seems to snicker.   “Course it would be. What? You think I followed you here?”   That’s exactly it — you put in a note requesting time off, and when he asked where you were going via letter, you wrote it down. There’s no way that this was a mere coincidence.   But you don’t dare say it out loud.   “Who’s….who’s working?”   He grins. Of course the first question you would ask him is about work.   “I put Taehyung in charge.”   “He’s not trained!” you hiss in distress, just considering the wrong things he’ll do, the trouble he’ll cause and mess he’ll make for you to clean up.   But the devil man shrugs. “He’ll be fine. So what are you doing now? This is one hell of a ship, huh?”   You’re in hell.    You’re stuck in the middle of a canal, on a cruise ship, with no escape from Kim Seokjin.   //   What was supposed to be an easy vacation has turned into a nightmare.    Every corner you turn, you peek from it. You slink behind pillars to scan the premise. You crawl in the shadows to—   “Are you lost?”   You jump from your spot, turning to find a short worker, an attendant wearing the cruise uniform while adorning a warm smile.    “You scared the living daylights out of me!” you harshly whisper, holding your hand over your unbeating heart.   “My apologies, ma’am. I was just asking if you’re lost. Or are you looking for the way to the casino for our gambling night?”   That’s right. You’ve lost sight as to why you came here.   It’s supposed to be a break, a break from your job, from your stress, from your intimidating boss that never appears at work anyways. You shouldn’t have lost focus on it. You paid a lot of gold coins to be here.   “Where is it again?”   “Oh, turn to your left, walk down the hall and just take the elevator to the third floor. You’ll be right there! Hard to miss.”   “Thanks…”   You shouldn’t waste such a good trip.   Once you arrive at the floor, the intoxicating air overwhelms your senses. It’s hard to think, and the many lights blind your vision, a mosaic of colours that makes the surroundings a whirlwind. There’s the crisp sound of cards divided up, tables and roulette boards spinning, machines being pulled and coins falling out the slots.   Someone hands you a drink and you grasp onto it to stay grounded. But sipping the liquid only intensifies the experience.   You stand back to watch the demons play, gambling the lives of humans souls indebted to them.   “I was looking for you.” A voice pipes up beside you, and you’re genuinely scared this time.   The entity manifested beside you, looking straight ahead. You wonder why you even tried to run today. There’s no point. He’s the devil.   “Why?”   “Just cause.” Seokjin grins, turning his head to stare at you. He’s dressed in a white shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbow, black trousers tight around his thighs — he’s missing the traditional, black cape that calls attention whenever he steps into the room. “You’re my favourite little worker. So it’s nice to see you in a different setting.”   You aren’t particularly amused. “Where have you been?”   Seokjin shrugs. “Around.”   You thought because he’d be busy with other affairs which would be understandable considering his status in this realm. But to hear such a nonchalant answer brings forth more questions to your mind. “Why haven’t you been to work?”   “I don’t like work much, but you already knew that.” His eyes twinkle with playfulness and plump lips pull into yet another sly smirk. Jin’s voice moves down a pitch into a rumbling timbre. “Plus, how could I ever replace you? You’re the best at my job.”   You don’t know what to say to that, so you take a sip of your drink. There’s too many questions still left unanswered, but you don’t bother asking.   This is all a game to him anyways. He followed you here to pester you on your break, to ruin your chances of rest.   Seokjin is truly the devil.   “Let’s play a game, Y/N,” he sing-songs. “Should we bet?”   “Bet what?” you ask, hesitating. It was never good to make deals with the devil.   He leans in closer, overwhelming you with his aroma and blocking out the intoxicating air manufactured to create a greedy atmosphere. “If I win, I get to kiss you.”   Seokjin laughs at your disgusted expression. He’s a sadist through and through. The damned devil loves seeing pain on your face.   “And if you win, I’ll come back to work. How about that?”   You don’t get a chance to answer before you’re brought over to the poker table. The two of you play a long game, lifting your cards for only your eyes, pupils flickering up to meet his and trying to read his expression. But you should’ve known. He’s too good at bluffing. He’s the devil after all.   And he always wins.   “A deal’s a deal and you made a deal with the devil.”   Seokjin wolfishly smiles when the pair of you join together again and he taps his pink, plush lips with a single finger. Everything about him is made to tempt others — from his clear skin to his eyes shining with endless greed. There’s a gravitational pull that comes from his perfect exterior. He’s a marble sculpture made from the gods’ temptations.   But you don’t feel seduced as you do feel burdened.   “I never agreed to it, did I?”   The devil’s brow quirks and he bursts out laughing. “Now that’s not fair.”   “No, but it is true.”   You walk away before he can put his mouth on you and above the coins clicking, the machines being pulled, you hear the smirk in his voice. “What a sore loser.”   Seokjin is good at reminding you that you’re in hell.   //   The next morning, there’s a loud knock at your door.   “Room service! Good morning, Miss Y/N.” The worker wheels the whole cart in, and your eyes are wide with what he presents you. There’s more edible arrangements, platter of fruits and vegetables and a whole stack of pancakes. “I hope I didn’t awake you from any sleep.”   “Oh no, it’s fine.”   The girl beside him clasps her hands together and presents you with a paper package, including advertisements, directory maps, and all the things you need for the day. “Today is wrath day. There will be an anger room where you can beat and smash things until you’re content. Also at noon, there will be human souls up on the top deck that you can freely torture. We collected the scum of the pit and don’t worry, they’ll be disposed there as well.”   “There’s also a complimentary hate letter you can write to the person you most despise,” the demon boy exclaims with a happy grin.   “We won’t send them,” the girl clarifies. “Don’t worry. We burn them in a pit of fire, but hopefully it can ease some of your anger.”   You thank them for their services and they bow their heads, taking their leave. For the first little while, you chew on some breakfast and go through the package. None of the activities seem particularly appealing to you, but you keep an open mind, deciding to head up to the main deck afterwards.   And of course, Seokjin is taking full advantage of the activities.   There’s a blood-curdling scream.   “Arrow, please.” His palm is out and the worker places another arrow in the devil’s hands. Seokjin positions and fires again, piercing the human in the shoulder, pinning him against the wooden wall. There’s another scream that makes you wince from the sheer volume.    It’s like he’s playing darts.   There are screeches everywhere, pain felt but the humans unable to die.   Seokjin catches sight of you as you’re looking around.   “Y/N!” He waves over with an enormous grin. “Come join me.”   “Thank you, but I’d rather not,” you politely decline.   He shakes his head in feigned disapproval, yet continues to draw his bow when another arrow is handed to him. “You’re too uptight. You’re always dealing with souls, don’t you want to play with one?”   “I work with so many souls, I’d rather not have to deal with them on my down time.”   “You always have rebuttals, don’t you?” Seokjin muses, mostly to himself, and then smiles. “But fair enough.”   You step by his side, watching him fire yet another arrow to the human that’s already died.   You must admit, the screams are kind of delightful.    You turn to watch a demon rip apart someone’s limbs and dangle it in front of them, another throwing someone off the ship into the red canal. And you overlook one of the humans in their pen glaring right at you.    He recognizes you.    You’re the one who dragged him here, who judged his soul and deemed him evil enough for hell. He screams and jumps from his pen, escaping the railings with the vigour of a vengeance boiling for an eternity. He swipes a knife from the table of weapons.   There are gasps of workers. Demons that turn. Seokjin’s eyes harden. His arm drops, bow by his side. You look down. The blade of the knife is poking through your abdomen, the tip of it exposed on the other side and shining from the little light of the overcasted red sky.    “You brought me here! Demon! Witch! You—”   “You know I can’t die, right?” you interrupt with half a glare, more annoyed than anything.   You pull the blade out of you and the metal clangs on the wooden deck. The workers rush over and five of them apprehend the screaming human to chuck him overboard. There’s a loud splash in the canal and others rush to your side, fussing about and apologizing.   “Were you not watching them?!” Seokjin shouts with the true wrath of the devil.   “We are so sorry, we sincerely apologize for any inconvenience.”   “I’ve never seen such an unprofessional group in my entire existence!” he barks back at them.   You watch him and sigh.   Seokjin is baffled beyond belief, berating the workers for not being careful enough, for not securing the pen. He yells at them to clean up the mess, making an absolute ruckus. When his anger simmers down, he turns around, about to ask if you’re alright.   But unfortunately you’re gone. You’ve escaped, vanished out of thin air.   //   Angry?   You used to be angry a lot but then the futile emotion became crushed by the overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. After a millennium, you’re too stressed and tired to be angry. Being angry took too much energy.   You retire to your room early, just before dinner, and while you’re wondering if you should rest, your eyes catch the open letter on the vanity. You contemplate for a while before you finally decide to sit down. You grab the quill and dip the tip into the pot of ink. Never has it been easier to write a letter. A letter of hatred towards the devil, Kim Seokjin.   It’s been known that the lazy devil makes your life harder than need be. He draws attention in ways you don’t want it to be drawn. He’s never there when you need him and there when you don’t.   He’s a lazy bastard who never gets work done. Who always pours endless tasks on your shoulders for you to bear. Who never shows up to work. Who never appreciates anything you have to do. He’s sick and sadistic, ego bigger than his own head.   Seokjin is a pathetic leader.   It feels good to write it out, to put your thoughts onto paper. The ink stains the parchment quickly, curves and loops of your letters smooth. You breathe a sigh of relief as you finish and lick the envelope closed, wrapping it up.   He’ll never see it, but it was pleasant to put your anger on tangible material. It’s liberating. And for a brief period, you feel less stressed.   You toss the hate letter aside for pickup.

The worker hums to himself, sack in hand that’s heavy and filled with letters ready to be tossed and burned. He’s had a long day of working and this was his last job before he can rest. But once he exits your room, he’s suddenly stopped in the hallway.   “Mr. Kim.” He recognizes him like everyone else. Once they heard the devil was arriving, they made sure to iron their dark blue uniforms and ensure things were in tip-top shape.   The devil beckons him over once with his hand. “I’d like to see Miss Y/N’s letter.”   “I...I’m sorry, I can’t do that. That’s against policy. We assured all guests that they are entitled to their own privacy and, uh, that would be going against the rules.”   “Rules?” His gaze darkens, becoming cold. Seokjin reminds him, “I’m the devil.”

When you open the door to your room, shivers crawl up your skin, traveling down your spine. You flicker on the light to discover someone seated in the armchair in the corner of the room. Their broad backside faces you.   “I wish you would know how much you stress me out.” He pauses and exhales thoughtfully. “When you’re around me, you stress me out. When you’re not around, you stress me out. I think you truly make hell hell, so congratulations for at least doing one job correctly.”   Mortified is an understatement.   You’re frozen in your spot. The door closes behind you from the momentum. You’re trapped in a room with him, and the devil turns his head to greet you with a smile. Your letter is open in his hand. “I’m surprised, Y/N. I knew you didn’t like me, but I didn’t know you hated me so much.”   He puts it down, slowly rises to his feet and closes the distance between your physical bodies within three strides. “But if you felt so strongly about me, you should’ve said something.”   Seokjin corners you in your small room until your back is pressed against the surface of the door.    “If I felt strongly or not, why should I tell you?” you ask, voice unintentionally shaking.   Even in such a moment, you’re still playing devil’s advocate. It makes him smirk. “Because I’d like to know.”   He’s close to you, aura heavy and imposing. Seokjin doesn’t touch you but you can feel him.   And strangely enough, he doesn’t punish you in the way you think he would for thinking such ill thoughts of him.   “You still owe me that kiss. You can kiss me hard if you want — to try to relent your anger and what was it again? Oh yeah, tell me what a pathetic leader I am.”   Your eyes meet his — yours stern, but his softened. Despite Seokjin’s greased words, he steps back and you move out of the way. He reaches for the door knob.   “You weren’t supposed to read it,” you mutter before he can leave. “Are you…”   “Angry?” There’s a ghost of a tender smile on his features. He doesn’t look at you. He simply sighs. “No, I’m not.”   The male opens the door, but lingers. He decides to grace you with the profile of his beautiful visage. “Earlier. When you stabbed. Are you okay?”   “I, uh, I’m fine.”   “Good.”   //   The following day is dedicated to gluttony. All over the cruise ship are demons feasting, eating, drinking, consumption galore. The banquet hall is vast with a table stretching across the space — every inch of the surface covered in luxurious dishes. The floor is also soaked with wine, the liquid that haphazardly splashed over the rim of demons’ glasses.   It’s hard to resist eating and drinking copious amounts when the gravity quite literally pulls you in. And Seokjin finds you there, leaning on the wall, hand glued to your glass, intoxicated enough not to jump when you see him.   “I never took you for a drinker.” He wears an amused smile as he takes your sloppy form in.   “On the contrary.” You wave a finger in the air. “Why didn't you take me as a drinker?”   “That doesn't make any sense.”   You eye him with a slight pout. “Why aren't you drinking?”   Seokjin shrugs and looks around. “These childish spells don't affect me.”   “Psh. Don't act like you're better 'cause you're the devil.”   “But I am better because I'm the devil.” He smirks. “Stronger. Resistant. Handsomer.”   “Handsomer's not a word. ‘t's more handsome.”   “You're fun at parties.”   “Hey, it's my job.” You sigh, trying to reason with him. “My job that you gave me. I just gotta play the devil's advocate.”   Seokjin smiles, a puff of air leaving his nose. He leans on the wall beside you, looking out and you take the chance to blatantly stare at him, openly ogling. You muse that he almost looks...normal like this. Well, as normal as demons can get. He’s not so imposing.   “Are you sad?”   “What?”   “I wanted to ask if you were sad, not mad. Over my letter.”   “Pft. Sad? I don't get sad. I'm the devil,” he declares as if you need to be reminded.   “Doesn’t mean you can’t be sad,” you huff, “Then you're not hurt?”   “Not really.” The devil lolls his head to the side, peeking at you when you keep staring at him. “I'm already hated by many in every realm. I thrive off the hatred.”   His eyes glimmer with mischief and he leans down to connect his eyes with you at the same level. His breath is on your skin, so close that you can see his lashes one by one. But you don’t move away or lean back as you usually would. Your interest is piqued.   The corners of Seokjin’s plump lips pull.   In the chaos of the masses eating and devouring food like monsters, there’s a private, intimate moment tucked away in the corner of the banquet hall where it’s just you and him. “It's not like I don't deserve it anyways. I'm not a 'good' entity. Since when did the devil help anyone?”   “Since when did the devil need to help anyone?” you ask on impulse. It’s become your pure instincts to doubt everything told to you. “Since when did anyone need help?”   “You're right.” Seokjin grins wolfishly. “But the alternative of hatred is love anyways, and that's sickening.”   There’s a second of silence.   And then you burst out laughing.   Seokjin whips his head over, watching the sound leaving your lips.    “I should bring you love then, just to make you suffer then,” your words slur as you poke his shoulder. “But knowing you, you'd probably enjoy suffering too because you're that sick and twisted.”   The corners of his mouth tugs into yet another smile as a light scoff leaves his throat. The devil can’t love, but what he feels towards you is what he thinks is pretty damn close to it.   //   The day that follows if focused on envy.   The workers greet you with another package of activities to do and a promise that they can get you one thing you’ve always wanted, if it’s within their abilities. But you don’t know what to tell them.   You end up loitering around for most of the day, checking facilities and eating, walking around until night falls where you head down to the luxurious bar, drawn in by the blue lights and entrancing music.    Halfway through nursing a drink at the counter, someone slides up on the stool next to you. It’s not the person you were anticipating unfortunately. Wait.   Unfortunately?   You wonder why you automatically thought it was unfortunate. You momentarily ponder why you were filled with a brief emotion of disappointment when it wasn’t the person you expected.   “Hi, I was just sitting across the bar, but I couldn’t help coming over and telling you that you look stunning in that dress.”   It’s a demon with doe eyes and a boyish smile. He makes you look down at yourself to inspect the rather simple number — compared to the layered robes you often have to show up in for the judgment process, this was just a floor length dress, black and sleek with one sleeve and the other side off the shoulder.   “Thanks.”   “I’m Jeon Jungkook.”   He puts out his hand and you shake it after a short pause. “L/N Y/N.”   “Sounds familiar,” he hums, red eyes piercing through yours. The demon plasters on a grin. “Do I know you from somewhere?”   “Probably not.”   “You’re right. I would’ve remembered someone so beautiful.” The grease reminds you of that someone you thought would have appeared by now, but the stranger isn’t as smooth when he says the one-liners. It doesn’t sound as pleasant to the ears. “Can I buy you a drink, Y/N?”   “Um…”   “Sorry, I’m already buying her one.”   Another voice pipes up — the person you were unknowingly waiting for finally manifested himself.    Kim Seokjin appears with his hair pushed back, forehead on full display, dressed in another one of his dress shirts with sleeves rolled up and casual trousers deliciously tight around the thighs. His pink, plump lips quirk into a smile as he looks at you. Meanwhile, Jungkook visibly pales.   “Oh. Sorry, I, I didn’t know she was, uh, um…” The stranger recognizes you now. With you beside the devil, he recalls where he’s seen you before.   You’re the devil’s advocate. “Yeah, why don’t you get lost?” Seokjin moves his head to the side and Jungkook slides off the stool so quickly, he almost loses footing and falls flat on his face. Luckily, he catches himself and you watch him sprint away practically with his tail caught between his legs.   What a shame. “He was nice.”   “I bet he was,” he mutters, glaring at the fleeting demon’s backside with a force that could light the entire place aflame.   “Kind of cute too.” You turn your head to look back at Seokjin. You’re not sure why it’s so fun to aggravate him at the moment. Maybe you realized it’s a way to get under his skin. “You didn’t have to scare him off.”   “Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten scared so easily,” he refutes and it’s a rather good point. Jin orders a drink, getting served immediately. He sips on it and peeks at you through the rim of his glass. “Were you going to reject him or were you planning on getting his room key?”   “Does it matter?” Your elbow is to the counter, chin casually rested in your palm. You’re discreetly challenging him and it’s a dangerous game, but one you feel like playing tonight. “Shouldn’t I be enjoying myself to the fullest extent, Seokjin?”   His brow quirks at how you call him by his name directly. “I don’t like people associated with me playing with sub-par trash. It makes me look bad.”   “Or it makes you look inclusive.”   The devil scoffs. “You always have a way to argue, don’t you?”   “It’s my job.”   He hums a low note and redirects his gaze at you. “Want to go outside for a breather?”   “I don’t think hell’s air is very fresh, but sure.”   The two of you try to exit the noisy bar. You struggle to weave through the crowd of sweaty demons dancing and grinding on one another. But then Seokjin grasps your shoulder tenderly and shifts you to walk behind him. You realize that the mass of demons splits when he walks through. Even in their inebriated state, they know to cower down and move out the way.   Once it’s clear, you open the west-side door and enter a quiet area absent from any other entity. It’s easier to breathe out here, silent, and you lean against the ship’s railing to watch how the canal’s water glows a deep crimson hue. The ship moves through it, and you listen to the noise of the water sloshing against the side of the ship.   When your head tilts up, you stare at the mahogany sky nearing black.   “I heard the human realm was really beautiful. Apparently they have something called stars and it appears at night. They’re tiny but they twinkle. Have you heard of them?”   He doesn’t respond, but he lifts his hand and waves his palm up. Suddenly, the sky is blanketed in complete black. The shade bleeds throughout, sweeping across the horizon, and you furrow your brows unable to understand what he’s doing. But as you stare, tiny sparkles become apparent.   “They’re only an illusion, but it’s the best I can do,” he breathes out.   Your eyes are wide and you glance at him. “I….I love it….”   “Good.”   Seokjin grins when a smile expands across your face. The stars gleam like jewels spilled across the canvas — what you’ve heard and read about for so long finally in front of you. They sparkle from the distance, glittering, and the longer you stare, more appear. The entire horizon soon becomes filled with them, and you’re breathless.   It’s a shame only you and Seokjin can view them.   “Are you seeing this?” You hold your hand out, trying to gesture. The more you stare, the more it sinks in just how spectacular this feat is. You’ve only ever seen the sky black, red, and maybe a shade of azure when you reach the in-between of the gates of Heaven and Hell. You’re seeing stars for the first time and it’s more amazing than you thought was possible. “Holy hell!”   “Not sure how hell could be holy,” Seokjin laughs and stares at you with a smile. “Do you really like it this much? You’re so simple. I could’ve done this ages ago.”   “I didn’t know…..”   “You could’ve asked.”   “Yeah, but you never answer me anyways when I call,” you murmur without thinking twice, unaware of how his gaze on you softens. Your hands against the railing tighten and you exhale. But eventually, you focus again when it occurs to you such a long stretch of silence has passed in comfortable silence. “What did you request today? Did they fulfill any of your wishes?”   Seokjin leans against the railing and tilts his head to stare at you. “I asked for something they can’t give me.” You meet his intense eyes, wondering what he means. The corner of his plump lips pulls and he blinks, easing. “What did you ask for?”   “It’s also something they can’t give to me.”   “What is it?”   “Your job.”   The devil chuckles, head lolling up to look at you. “Why would you want that? Don’t you hate working for me?”   “Exactly. I hate working for you. I’d rather take over. I would restructure the entire system, I’d delegate more duties, lessen my own workload, I’d be able to prepare better instead of working so last minute.”   “Sounds like you have a whole plan.”   “I may or may not have spent a lot of time thinking about it,” you hum in slight pride.   Seokjin grins and shakes his head. “Too bad the position at the gates is a traditional, symbolic role. The only way you’d be able to acquire it officially through proper tradition is becoming the devil’s lady.”   You know it too. Thought about it after a millennium and damned the rules that restricted your abilities so many times. The only way to claim his position completely was to wed to him and be named the devil’s lady. But it’s an absurd idea, one you never even thought twice about. Although, for some reason, the way the devil says it isn’t like he’s stating a plain, boring fact.   It’s almost as if he’s….considering it.   Seokjin leans in close. His eyes are not unlike the stars, twinkling with mischief. “Don’t tempt me.”   //   The next day that comes is your absolute favourite.   It’s what you’ve been prepared for.   When the workers knock on your door with the usual room service and daily package, you’re ecstatically tearing papers apart and reading all the descriptions, ready to take full advantage of all the activities included. After all, it’s a day of sloth — a day of guaranteed relaxation.   You start off by laying in bed the entire morning, lazing around until you head to the spa. There you get a head to toe scrub, hair and nails done, and you nap in the steam room. The masseuse is also surprised at the number of knots in your muscles and three demons end up working on you, slapping and massaging your tense muscles.   Once you’re finished, you feel like you’re floating on air. For the first time in a thousand years, you’re stress-free. Nothing could ruin your mood. Not even Kim Seokjin.   You head up to the deck for another nap, claiming a lounge chair in the corner, and being as quiet as possible to not disturb other demons sleeping away. But before you can drift off, the warm light on your skin ceases. You feel a shadow overtop of you. And you slide your sunglasses down the slope of your nose.   The devil looms over your body with a smirk.    “Looks like someone’s been enjoying themselves.”   You sit up and instantly pull him down to sit beside you. Jin’s brows are lifted in surprise from the affectionate invitation. You grin at him. “Have you been down to the spa yet?”   “No.”   “Hell, you need to go down there right now then. It’s. Amazing. Jin.” From your sheer excitement, he grins and you giggle. Giggle. Now that’s a sound he hasn’t heard from you before. Seokjin can’t help but wonder what other sounds you can make. “You need to go to try it and get the Swedish massage. Can’t say the Shiatsu massage is as good. But try out the deep tissue one. That was good too.”   “How many massages did you have today?”   “I tried all of them,” you sing-song and sit back in your lounge chair, humming to yourself. You inspect your clean nails, the french tips done, holding your hand out in front of you.   Seokjin smiles as he looks at you. You’re so much happier and relaxed. You in your little swimsuit and your translucent, silky cover up.   “What else did you do?”   “Got my hair washed. Got my nails done. Got two kinds of facials. You should just check it out for yourself, seriously, it would be a waste if you didn’t.” Suddenly, your eyes light up over the rim of your dark sunglasses. “Should we go together?”   His plump lip pulls. “You want to go to the spa...with me?”   He’s the entity you hate the most. To be given such an invitation from you is no less shocking. But you don’t seem to care. You even laugh and swat at his arm playfully. “We can go together after I take my nap. It’s all day and I really want to get the hot stone massage again.”   “Okay.” He laughs. The devil’s not a very spa-kind of man, but he’ll go with you.   “We can head down in an hour.” You lay back again, eyes fluttering for a shut-eye, but you keep them open to look at him for a second longer. “Do you want to sleep with me?”   “Careful how you ask that question.” He smirks slyly, making you scoff.   “You know what I mean.”   Seokjin hums a low note, considering something else. “Do you want to watch a show tonight? They’re putting on something in the theater.”   “Really? Sure!” You joyfully agree, so easily at it too, cheeks inflated with your smile. He snorts at how fast you answered. It’s such a difference from your tense self. Not to mention, you’re unbothered with him sitting there at the end of your lounge chair as you drift off and he observes how you’re snoring a minute later.   You don’t realize that an idle mind is the devil’s workshop, and he’s ready to have some fun with you.   //   There’s a permanent skip in your step.    You’ve learnt to navigate the entire area of the spa and you don’t notice how everyone is intimidated with Seokjin here. Even when he’s comedically dressed in a white robe, white towels wrapped up on his head, and feet decked out with white slippers — white from top to bottom as if he’s wearing the skin of an angel. Each demon moves out of the way when they realize the devil is here. But he pays no mind to them, following after you. You, who looks like a true angel with how you smile and how radiant you shine in pure white…..   Although the exterior is a bit ruined when you bark at the masseuses to dig into your muscles harder.   You’re even more giddy after you take your third nap in the steam room and he enjoys dinner with you. It’s hard not to when you’re such great company, and you don’t seem to bat a lash when you glue yourself by his side, joining him to watch the evening show.    It’s a game show of some sort, couples on honeymoons together and answering trivia questions about one another. Seokjin sits beside you, a bit bored as he rests his chin in his hand, elbow on the arm rest. His mind wanders before he finds himself glancing over at you.   You seem to be enjoying yourself and that’s enough for him to sit through it.   He wonders what it takes to make you happy like this all the time.   But eventually his train of thought is interrupted when he catches your eye, when he notices you peeking at him at the corner of your vision, trying to glance at him. His lip tugs into another smirk.   Seokjin leans in close. “Y/N.”   He whispers your name into your ear, hot breath skimming on your skin, and he watches the way goosebumps raise over the back of your arms. He pauses for added suspense.   And then he exhales. “You can kiss me if you want. I wouldn’t stop you.”   An immediate frown forms, your lips lopsided, your entire body stiff again. That’s all that’s needed to make you tense again — it’s so easy that it’s amusing. He laughs quietly at your glare.   One of these days, he knows you’ll give into his outlandish idea. Seokjin just can’t help planting the seed there.   //   Right after your favourite day is your least favourite. Lust.    You’re shaken awake in the morning by a sudden bang. It comes from the room next over despite the walls supposedly being soundproof. You would think someone was being tortured or punching the wall over and over again, but what follows the noises that are loud enough to leak through are moans and whines of ‘harder’.   You are sorely not impressed.   “There’s an orgy party tonight,” Seokjin tells you, crowding beside you at the breakfast buffet. It’s hard to ignore the smacking sound of kissing occurring behind the food bar and it makes the food unappetizing.   “I heard.”   “Are you coming?”   “I don’t know.”   “You should.”   “Why?” you question his insistence.   “I would explain to you what I’ve heard about it, but it would be a...mouthful.” Seokjin fully intends the pun, irises sparkling with mischief.    You feign a glare at him, and he follows you to a table, sitting across from you. The devil digs into his sweet stack of waffles, and tears his teeth into a medium rare steak.   “You’re gross.”   “It’s not gross if you feel the same way.”   “Who said I do?”   “Who says you don’t?” he challenges, bringing your lips into a smirk.   The two of you banter back and forth, and you don’t realize that you’re having breakfast with him willingly. That you’re tucked into the corner of the restaurant serving leftovers from the feast from the day of gluttony. You’ve both fallen into a natural course, fallen in line with one another unconsciously. It’s too easy to be in each other’s presence.   But eventually you part ways, and it’s difficult to weave your way out of the bodies pressed together. Guests are practically dry humping one another and the workers are actively encouraging the lust. You guess this is what they mean by indulging in the sins.   You retire to your room early to escape the scandalous sights.   But your sanctuary is interrupted with a knock on the door.   “Good afternoon, Miss Y/N.” The worker greets you, holding onto a clipboard like a door to door salesman.   “Is there something I can help you with?”   “We were just wondering if you were going to attend tonight’s event. We’d like to know about how many people are coming so we can accommodate them properly.”   “Oh.”   "If you are to attend, we have complementary masks to wear." The worker smiles, cheeks rosy.   A masquerade orgy isn't appealing to you. But your thoughts stray to a certain someone who asked you if you were coming this very morning. Someone with dark hair and dark eyes staring into yours. Someone whose plump lips always pulls into that sly smirk and makes you feel a certain kind of way.   "Sure."   Why not. You came here for new experiences after all.    "Fantastic!" The worker exclaims and gestures down the hall. You hear wheels rolling against the carpet and a girl appears with a cart showing a selection of masks. "Feel free to choose whatever is appealing. We also have a catalogue you can order from for free if none of these are to your satisfaction."   You look over them, from the intricate designs in gold and red, to those decorated with jewels and ribbons, and ones delicately painted. But one in particular catches your attention.   "This one’s fine."   You pick the black lace mask, one that's simple but sufficient.   The night arrives sooner than expected. The sky turns a shade of deep mahogany without a moon or sparkle in sight, clouding the horizon over in uncertainty, while the canal glows a hue of rose.   You enter the ballroom on the fourth floor in a black floor length dress, a slit on your left side to top of your thigh. Others seemed to be dressed even more luxuriously, while some of them are already nude and their clothing littered on the ground.   The room is a circular space, ceiling high with paintings of angels on it — ironically to overlook the sinning. The columns spiral high, decorated with gold and made from shiny porcelain like the floor tiles. Slow music plays in the background, accompanying the soft smacking noise of mouths colliding. There are also chaise lounge chairs off to the side, curtains drawn to cover the private areas. But the shadows and silhouettes show they’re doing something less than decent.   There are three or four people participating behind the curtains, those participating, those watching, those that like to be watched. You even catch moans and whimpers as you pass by.   By oddly enough, instead of disgusted, you feel entranced.   Suddenly someone’s warm arm slinks across your abdomen, rough hands that find purchase on your waist. You gasp as your ass is shoved against their hardening groin. Their other hand palms the meat of your ass. And you find yourself giving in, leaning closer to the body heat that feels like cozy flames.    You turn around, meeting brown, doe eyes behind a white mask. You swallow your mouthful of saliva. Their lips look so soft, irresistible. You surrender without an ounce of self-control, this time to the temptation. The man leans in as well—   But then you’re suddenly yanked away by another.   The spell breaks.    “Buzz of. This is mine.” It’s a familiar voice, a sonorous tone but rumbling timbre. The doe-eyed man nods wordlessly and stumbles back into the crowd.   “Jin?”   Where he’s encircled your wrist, you can feel how his skin is warmer than the stranger’s, like a fire is burning underneath his flesh. Behind the black mask, with tiny sparkles that remind you of the stars, are eyes you recognize — dark pools like chocolate, full of indulgence.    Instantly, he lets you go.   “I’m sorry…”   You’re bewitched by him. And you cave into the magnetizing pull. You latch onto him before he can leave. “You shouldn’t have any reason to be sorry.”   The devil meets your gaze.    Everything about him is to lure and entice you, meant for you to indulge in. From the pinkness and plumpness of his lips, to his eyes that are shaped soft and sheepish. His sculpted face, his scent, the sound of his voice...   The devil would never come to such an event to get himself dirty with lowly demons. His hubris is much too high to be touched by strangers. He’s here for a specific purpose — and you think you know what it might be, or rather, for who.   “There’s a reason you’re here, right?”   Seokjin knows you well too, knows that you don’t like to be touched by strangers. His mouth pulls into a smile. “Do you have the same reason as I do?”   You grasp onto the collar of his fitted suit, lust overwhelming you. He stares at your mouth through half-lidded eyes, his own parted.    “I...don’t want this to affect my job,” you murmur, breath already on his.   “It’s going to affect it either way. You’ve stopped being just my advocate long ago.” His large hands hold your hips. “Why do you think I always skip out on my duties? I have to make sure not to come and replace you. I need a reason to keep you around.”   “You bastard.”   The puzzles you had finally click into place. The dots connect. It makes sense, more than it ever has.   “I know.”   “You’re a selfish prick. But one I still owe a kiss to.”   Finally after a millennium, you relinquish your dignity and fully indulge in Kim Seokjin.   You dance with the devil, mouth pushing against his. Immediately, he deepens it, slipping his hot tongue in to claim you as his. Seokjin makes your lips swell as he kisses you hungrily. Sinfully.   He savours your muffled groan as you feel yourself wrapping in the heat that emanates off his body, drowning in his scent. The devil’s lips are of velvet, addicting, and you can’t stop. You’re too frantic to notice that his eyes are still half-lidded, drinking in your pleasured expression.   But in the middle of the kiss, you sense someone else’s presence. Your eyes peel back to see a female stroking her hands over his broad shoulders. You break apart with a forceful smack, thin string of saliva breaking.    “Fuck off,” you spit at her.   The female demon doesn’t hear you. Her hands slowly trail downwards to the thick lump forming in his tight trousers. But Seokjin catches her wandering palms before she can actually touch him. He throws her arms off him. “You heard her. You’re not invited.”   She openly scoffs, and rolls her eyes before walking away.   You won’t let third parties in. You won’t let anyone else touch him. You’re too selfish and greedy to do so.   “Let’s get out of here.”   Seokjin locks his hands in yours, and you’re finally able to revel in how he looks in his fitted suit, how broad his shoulders are, the thickness of his thighs.    Even when you leave the ballroom, the lustful atmosphere never lessens. Instead, the suspense builds. The tension becomes overwhelming. It’s awkward to stand in the elevator and listen to the boring jazz, suffocating in the small space. The heat is tangible.   You end up tackling Seokjin against the wall. You kiss away his laugh by shoving your tongue down his throat. It’s obscene but you don’t care much for your pride at the moment.   “I won’t be seen fornicating in the elevator,” the devil scolds in a low tone, peeling you away after another ravenous make out session, his grip having been tight on your thigh. “Come on.”   Seokjin leads you to his floor, and the door automatically opens when he steps in front of it. The lust is instantly exchanged for amazement.   His suite room is breathtaking, private windows allowing a wide view of the red canal and the horizon. It’s an open space with many rooms, a luxurious bathroom and enormous bed. Like his own personal home.   “This….this….h-how much does this even cost?!”   “Does it matter?” Seokjin loosens his tie. He chuckles watching you run around, checking all the rooms and inspecting the furniture. “I would’ve invited you sooner, but I didn’t want to get slapped.”   You scoff in the other room, and he follows after you. “You know I can’t slap you.”    “Yeah, but you always look like you want to.”   “Just cause I want to, doesn’t mean I can or will do it.”   “Alright, enough of this chit chat.”   Seokjin picks you up from where you’re marveling at his closet. He heaves you up and over his shoulder, carrying you across his suite and he lightly tosses you onto his soft mattress. The devil corners you. He grabs your ankle when you playfully try to escape and he climbs on top of you, straddling your waist to trap you in place.   “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this,” he whispers as he relishes the way you’re pinned beneath him.   You cock your head to the side. “Really? I think if you were waiting for that long, you would’ve done something about a century ago.”   Seokjin sighs at how you’re trying to pick an argument with him even in such a situation. “Love, if you don’t stop trying to pick fights with me, I’m going to gag you with your own underwear.”   You would nod and be obedient. But it’s intrinsic for you to doubt.    Instinctively, the words spill out of your mouth before you can stop it. “Why are you assuming I have underwear on?”   A muscle in his cheek twitches. Seokjin flips you over, and instantaneously delivers a slap to the meat of your ass. You moan, arching into him, but you quickly turn your head with a frown.   “What was that for?!”   “You know what it’s for,” Jin barks. “It’s going to be a long night if you don’t listen to me, Y/N.”   The devil follows through with his word. It indeed becomes a long, long night.   It’s too delicious to see his irritation. How his ears can turn into a shade of scarlet that matches the colour rising from his neck to his forehead. But you bend to his will after a while, giving into his command.    It’s the most sinning you’ve done. The most indulgent you’ve ever been. Seokjin’s sweat drips on top of you before it’s your sweat on him when you get on top. He’s merciless, leaving bruises along your thighs from his tight grip and where he kept your legs spread. He leaves blue, purple, red marks along the column of your neck. You sink down on his cock enough times that your cunt stretches out to match his girth and length into a perfect, snug fit. And you get to know the flavour of each other’s spit and cum until it’s all you can taste.   You’re glad no one shares Seokjin’s walls or else they’d hear the way your voice grows hoarse over the course of the night. They’d hear the creak of the bed, the slamming of the headboard. Anyone on the same floor would hear your name groaned through those beautiful lips licking into you.   You’re sure if there was another level to hell or damnation — you and Seokjin will be arriving there in each other’s arms.   //   The last day of the cruise finally arrives and you’re devastated.   Tomorrow, you’ll return to work and continue the cycle of late nights preparing documents and affidavits and judging human souls in line at purgatory only for them to scream obscenities at you no matter what gate they end up entering.   Your train of thought is interrupted by a knock on the door.   “G-Good morning, Miss. Y/N!” The male worker jumps, surprised to discover you answering the door. “I didn’t think you’d be in your room.”   “Where else would I be?” you deadpan.   The female demon worker smiles and steps forward. “We have room service for you!”   You widen the door and they wheel the cart in. “We just wanted to ask about your stay here and if there were any concerns whatsoever.”   “Oh no.” You bat your hand. “It was absolutely lovely. Thank you for the past seven days. It couldn’t have gone better.”   “That’s great to hear.” They grin and gesture to the pamphlet placed with your meal.   “We’d also like to mention that there’s a honeymoon package and an express cruise that travels to all three realms, hell, heaven, and human. It’s just a promotion. I thought I’d mention it.”   You laugh, nodding. “Okay, thank you.”   “There’s one event left. A farewell party for tonight for all guests on this trip.”    You receive the invitation. Today’s a day of pride and in its celebration, the cruise has a farewell ceremony where they read each guests’ accomplishments. It’s a sweet gesture, perfect to top off the trip.   But you can’t fully look forward to it when you’re plagued by your thoughts. You still haven’t decided if last night was a mistake, if it was just the lust in the air.    Seokjin was insatiable, that much was clear, and you swear you feel permanently hot in your face. The in between of your legs still ache whenever you move. It’s impossible to try to forget or disregard what occurred. And when you’re unable to cover up his marks all over your neck, you find yourself deciding to wear it with pride.   You wonder how he feels about last night too. If the devil simply likes to spoil his advocates.   But your questions are answered when you see him again at the party.   “Evening.”   “Good evening.”   You raise your wine glasses up at one another in mutual acknowledgment before turning to watch the room. The pair of you are tucked in the corner again as if you were the hosts and everyone else were guests in your domain.   The silence broken by him. “It was...regrettable that you ran out so soon this morning.”   You agree. “It was regrettable, but it’s the right thing to do.”   “You think with your head too much sometimes,” Seokjin muses.   “Jeon Jungkook,” the worker on stage announces into the staticy mic. “He has tricked twenty four humans into giving their soul to him.” There’s a collective ‘ooh’ from other workers and a loud applause. “He works in marketing and coworkers call him proactive!”   They allow every guest to indulge in their own pride and you don’t expect much as you watch, but then your name is called. “The devil’s advocate, L/N Y/N.”   “Persuasive and diligent. In her existence thus far, she’s captured two hundred forty three souls before working for the devil where she’s passed judgment for eighty six hundred thousand sixty six human souls,” they continue to read your long list of accomplishments and it’s seemingly never ending. The worker runs out of breath and has to take a drink of water to keep going.   The devil is in the details after all.   But you didn’t realize you had done so much.   “Impressive.” Seokjin nudges you with a quirked brow and an amused smile.   Suddenly, you’re called on again. “L/N Y/N, will you please come onto the stage to receive a special award.”   “What?”   “Don’t just stand there, idiot.” Seokjin mischievously bumps you forward and your steps stagger. With half a mind, you pass the tables and demons watching you, up the stairs to the modest stage. The spotlight is absolutely blinding.   The worker shakes your hand and gives you a golden frame. Inside is a certificate of accomplishment. It’s stamped with the crest of hell, the official insignia of honour.    “It was signed by the devil, himself,” the worker tells you privately. “He insisted that it would be given to you. Congratulations, Miss Y/N.”   There’s a roar of applause. Your eyes stray off the side to see him, standing with his feet shoulder-width apart, a proud smile placed on his features. Something blooms inside your chest.   Finally, you’ve received recognition for what you’ve done, for all your hard work.   You step off stage, cutting through the crowd to get to him. But then you’re stopped by yet another worker. “Miss. Y/N, thank you for being a part of Sins Cruise Line. We’d like to gift you this photo album compiling your best moments of this trip.”   “Oh, t-thank you.”   You move off and out of the way to open the leather album. What you find are photographs you didn’t know the workers took. There’s a picture of you stepping on this ship for the first time and looking out at the horizon with your drink in hand and the wind blowing through your hair. There’s another with you sitting across the poker table and Seokjin on the other side, the dim lights shining on your heads and illuminating your faces.   You continue to flip through, and you discover countless pictures of you and Seokjin together.   Him shooting at a human with you standing beside him. Laughing with Seokjin while you’re both in the corner of the feasting room. Out on the lounge chairs together. At the spa. Watching a show in the theater room. Looking into each other’s eyes in the ballroom before your shared kiss.   They’re beautiful photographs — precious moments captured in time. You didn’t realize you looked at him in such a way, or that he looked at you so tenderly.   You find Seokjin in the crowd again, as you’re grasping the album and the certificate to your chest.   “Congratulations, Miss. Devil’s Advocate.”   “I can’t believe you did all this.” You’re still breathless, unable to comprehend why he would go to such lengths for you.   “You deserve it.” Seokjin matches your softened smile. “Are you sad about leaving?”   “Can’t say I’m excited to go,” you admit. “But I have to go back. There’s probably a lot that’s piled up. Taehyung doesn’t know how to work on cases properly.”   “Well, take it easy,” the devil says with a grin and stares at you for a moment. It’s silent, the two of you gazing at one another, but then he catches himself and inhales a breath. “Actually, I’m planning on restructuring some things. I want to delegate more duties and lessen workloads so others can better prepare instead of working so last minute.”   His eyes twinkle with mischief. He literally took the words right out of your mouth, quoting you exactly. “I’m going to need some advice and personal help for the next while.”   “Personal help?” Your brows raise with a giggle.   “Personal help.” Seokjin nods. “Hey, you’re free right now, right? Do you want to talk it over during dinner?”   Laughter bubbles out of you and your gaze becomes tender. “I’d love to.”

It was undoubtedly hard to walk off that cruise ship.   A part of you wishes it could last forever. But alas, all good things must come to an eventual end.   Yoongi is seated at his desk, feet propped up on the surface of said desk. He’s casually leaning back on his chair, elbow propped up on the armrest, fingers playing with a few strands of his hair. He’s humming to himself, but then he sees the demon guard move aside, and his brows raise.   He’s pleasantly surprised. “You’re early.”   “Only a little.” You smile at the angel.   “Welcome back.” He takes his feet off his desk and deadpans, “I missed you. Too many people have been getting through Heaven lately, it’s been disastrous.”   “I’m sure Taehyung wasn’t that bad,” you murmur in the demon’s defense, but it’s weak and half-hearted. You both know he’s pretty terrible — Taehyung’s impatience and lack of meticulousness isn’t exactly great for this job.   “What was worse was that he was so annoying. I’d never thought I’d say it, but I’d much prefer you. Did you enjoy your vacation?” he asks. “I heard you went on that cruise.”   You smile to yourself. “Yeah, it was good.”   “Did it live up to its name?”   You contemplate it for a moment before you find yourself nodding. “I have to say that it does.”   “Wow, just rub in your good time, bitch,” Yoongi mutters passively aggressively, glaring through the slits of his eyes. Then he relents and sighs. “I’m glad you finally took a break. You look better. Healthier.”   “Thanks. Actually, it’s really thanks to—”   “You forgot this file, Y/N.”   A voice pipes up and the guards move aside. A man appears with his cape billowing behind him, dark robes decorated with gold, official and intimidating. Yoongi’s eyeballs nearly fall out of his socket. The angel’s mouth draws open, his nostrils flared.   Seokjin is behind you and hands you the file before taking a seat beside you.    He pushes his round spectacles up the bridge of his nose, focusing downwards to the paperwork. “I have to sign where?”   “Here.”   He’s helping you, has been since you’ve gotten back.    Yoongi doesn’t try to hide his shock. You smile at the angel with a look that equally shares his pleasant surprise and shows how impressed you are.   “You two are close,” Yoongi says when he finds his power of speech again.   Seokjin lifts his chin, glances at the angel and then at you. The pair of you share a warm smile together. “I’d say we’re a bit more than close at this point.”   You already know Seokjin’s intentions — you’re his advocate after all.

[doberbutts]

On Crate Training

Let’s be real here, there are about to be a lot of puppies in my house. A frankly ridiculous amount of puppies. Way too many puppies.

And so, the blog gets to be topical regarding my current situation.

I maintain that a crate is the best tool for a new dog someone could possibly have. Besides the obvious use- having a contained place for the dog to be- there are plenty of other reasons to crate train a dog. Many surgeries and injuries will require the dog to be contained, usually kenneled or caged. Travelling in a car is safer in a crate, and if you fly with anything besides a service dog, the dog will need to be contained somehow there too. If dogs aren’t getting along, or if someone needs a break from someone else, a crate’s a great tool to manage that issue. It can cut down on potty training problems and destructive behavior. Finally. a crate can keep your dog safe in situations where they will be unsupervised for long periods, which is great for people who work or attend classes.

And a lot of people who crate train puppies will retire the use of a crate after the dog is a certain age! Some dogs will always be safer crated- these are dogs who are destructive or aggressive but are contained and safe within their box. But some dogs will be able to go crateless and never see it again. Creed, for instance, is crateless in my room and is generally only crated in the main house if he has aggravated his shoulder injury, if he’s overly hot and needs to cool down (or just after eating for bloat prevention), or if we’re switching around dogs who don’t get along or who resource guard. This is the way it’s been for him since he was about 2.5 years old, and would have likely been sooner if we did not live with a dog that was less than half his size but still wanted to eat his face.

If you’re really not comfortable with crating, you have two other options: xpens, or gating off a puppy-safe puppy-proof room and hoping your flooring and walls withstand the wrath of a bored and sad dog while you’re out of the house.

Something I did with Tiki, which I don’t commonly do with dogs, was hook an xpen to her crate so she could decide to go in there if she wanted, or she could hang out in the bigger “freedom” of her xpen. Tiki was a special case, because she was very sick and also had no ability to control her bladder for longer than an hour or two, so she needed access to her potty pad while I was at work and also needed the option of sleeping in a bed right next to a space heater so she could be warm. I’ll probably do something similar with Fae until I know her schedule, though I ended up not liking that I had gotten lazy regarding taking Tiki out (especially at night in the winter) and thus her outside potty training had taken longer than it needed to because I was heavily relying on her just going on the pad.

Mocha, my parents’ chow mix, seems to be claustrophobic and will panic and injure herself against the crate no matter how much we tried to make the crate a safe place for her. She’s also not comfortable with any sort of restrictive training device, being restrained, or being confined to other tight spaces like a bathtub or a closet or under a piece of furniture. As a result, we completely dog-proofed a room in the house for her, took off her crate’s door so she could still have the option of laying in it without scaring herself if she wanted, and left her to it during her young puppy years. If your dog truly won’t crate train, this is always a fine alternative if you have the ability! We had also tried this with Queenie, my childhood german shepherd, but she destroyed the flooring and door of that room, so when she passed and we had to renovate it for Mocha, we ended up having to fix a lot of that damage. YMMV- Queenie was incredibly noise sensitive and would panic and hurt herself in thunderstorms or during fireworks.

In any case, no matter what avenue you end up choosing, a few things to keep in mind are:

make it a positive place! This is not a place to be put as a punishment, but somewhere the dogs should want to go. I almost exclusively feed my dogs in crates until they’re old enough to be crateless. As a result, the dogs see me get their food bowls out of their crates and run in wagging their tails because they know food’s about to come. They get special crate-only toys and treats and beds too, so if I hand Creed a kong while he’s out he’ll go looking for a crate to hide and enjoy his treat without the other dogs bothering him.

make it a safe place! Unless the crate is more than big enough for it and both dogs get along with absolutely zero tension, I treat crates like personal bedrooms. My dogs are crated separately and they know which crate to go in without having to be directed. Dogs don’t bother you while you’re in the crate, and they can’t get you in there. If your dog wants to stay in their crate, don’t drag them out.

make it cozy! If the dog can be trusted with a bed, give them something warm and soft to lay on! In the summer, put a cooling mat in there! If your dog likes privacy, cover it so it’s nice and dark and comfortable. If your dog likes to feel like they’re part of the household, put the crate uncovered where there’s a lot of people that hang out (our dog room is right between our office and our living room). Some people like giving their dogs things like calming scents/oils/sprays/toys, or they play music or white noise, or they put a hot water bottle in with the dog (I don’t do this with weaned puppies), or they use one of those heartbeat snuggle toys (I also don’t do this with weaned puppies).

make it fun! Look up crate games and practice a few of them! Put going in and out of the crate on a cue, or throw a treat or toy in there and play crate-fetch, or play the in-out game, your choice. Make the crate a good and fun place to be, so that your dog understands that it’s not bad to be in there.

make it fair! Like all tools, it’s possible to misuse or overuse a crate. People who work 10+ hours a day for instance should look into other options- perhaps a dog room or xpen, or hiring a dogwalker/dogsitter to come by a few times a day to let your dog out, or figure out a schedule where you can come home between classes or shifts to do it yourself. I had a brain injury a few years ago and was confined to my bedroom for much of my recovery, and I definitely began to resent that my world was so restricted. Imagine how your dog feels, restricted to a small box for a large portion of their day. There’s only 24 hours in a day, if you’re out of the house for 8 hours and also asleep for 8 hours, that leaves a third of the day (but probably less with commutes etc) for your dog to have some “out” time. If you’re out or asleep for any longer than that, it’s even less. People who work 10 hours, with an hour commute, and also sleep 8 hours, leave their dog with just 4 hours of “out” time per day. It’s little wonder why these dogs hate their crates or why they’re wild when you are home.

tough it out! Don’t fall into the common trap of letting the puppy out of the crate every time it squeaks. Don’t fall into the common trap of only ever putting the puppy in the crate when you’re about to leave. Don’t fall into the common trap of yelling at your puppy for being sad that you locked it in a box. These are all things people tend to do when crate training and they all make this take much longer than they need to.

A roommate just got a standard poodle pup they’ll be showing in conformation, and we’re going over all of this even with this puppy. Right now he’s hanging out and having a nap in his crate with the door wide open. He was crated due to being unsupervised, and then the door was opened and he chose to stay in there and go back to sleep. That’s okay! If he decides he wants to leave, he can. He’s learning that we won’t bother him while he’s in there (outside of emergencies of course), but also that that’s where he goes if he can’t be watched, even if he can still hear and see his owner. He has some puppy-specific treats and toys in there, and the door’s open so of course the established adults would really like to steal them, but we’re enforcing that that’s not allowed either.

So now we have two established adults just hanging out and leaving him alone (even though both would really like to play Squish The Puppy) and the new kid in the house sprawled out in his open crate being left to his own devices. Dogs are den animals, and the two adults that are hanging out are used to this type of training. That’s his den, so they’re not invited in there, so they leave him and his stuff alone.

And, eventually, he might join the established adults and be crateless too when he’s old enough and knows some house manners. Right now, though, it’s an important tool to both keep him safe and also show him that he’s allowed to ask for a break from us just like we might put him in there so we can have a break from him.

[burritodetodo]

Burrito’s Guide To Survive Coronavirus Quarantine

We got to keep social distance (1 or 2 meters each other) or stay home during coronavirus outbreak so I thought I can share with y’all some things I’m gonna watch or do doing quarantine (this is a very long post, REBLOGS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!).

BUT FIRST SOME RULES:

Wash your hands: do it for 20 seconds or a while, but ALWAYS do it. It prevents the virus from spreading. If you don’t have sanitizer, water and soap! The cheapest and best ally against the disease.

Buy everything you need: if you can, try to buy stuff so you can stay some days at home. If the place is crowded, go back home and come later when it’s more empty. Same as medicine.

You can go for a walk: stay at home all day can be overwhelming for your mental health, but unless the goverment puts a curfew or gets strict about it you can go walk outside for a while always respecting the 1 or 2 meters from other people and without making contact (chatting) with other people. This ain’t my rule, a CDC professional says. DON’T go visit your friends or to crowded places such as bars, restaurants, shoppings, etc. If you want to buy something, ask for delivery or take away.

If you have coronavirus sympthoms (high fever, diarrhea, cough, feeling tired, breath difficulties) DON’T GO TO THE HOSPITAL YET, CALL TO YOUR PUBLIC HEALTH ORGANISATION OR WHATEVER YOU GOT AND THEY’LL TREAT YOU.

(credits to whoever made this meme)

SO YOUR LIFE IS ON QUARANTINE

Let’s say your boss or your school told you can stay at home. Okay then, you gotta prepare for some days inside *Isolation by John Lennon plays in the distance*. The first thing you think is you have to prepare a batch of series and movies to watch in order to kill some time. I’m gonna recommend you some you can find on VOD or cable, if you don’t have it don’t worry because I got you covered!

Infinity Train: a yet two seasons saga about people who got to face their problems aboard an endless train. The protagonists are joined by creatures who have different nature and help them, or not, to acknowledge their issues and leave the train. It’s on CN, it will continue on HBO Max.

The Owl House: a teen girl who daydream a lot was going to be sent to a down-to-earth camp but then she crosses a portal to the Boiling Isles, a magical world where she is taken care by a powerful Owl witch/saleswoman and her adorable demon. Lots of fantasy, some action scenes and many many puns. It’s on Disney Channel, it’ll be on Disney+ in some weeks.

Primal: Genndy Tartakovsky delighted us with the alliance of a caveman and a dinosaur, two rivals in a wild world who ally after facing a devastating event. It IS brutal and beatiful, has no dialogue and keeps you watching closely. Five final episodes are set to premiere this year. It’s on Adult Swim, maybe on HBO Max.

Tuca and Bertie: for the critics, one of 2019 best shows. For Netflix, a show that had to be cut off because the studio unionized. Two friends in their late 20s face changes in their lives: from living with a boyfriend and plan a life to look a way to stay sober and get a job. Deals with trauma, ptsd, anxiety and more harsh moments very well. In fact, the creator is a vital part of Bojack Horseman! It’s on Netflix.

Aggretsuko: red pandas are cute eh? But what about a antopomorphic red panda who releases her anger and frustrations by singing at a karaoke? This awesome comedy by Sanrio & Netflix is one of anime’s big hits lately. Like T&B, has a good handle of adult problems but not going too deep just to not break the comedy. You can watch it on Netflix.

Regular Show: yeah-uuuuhhhh! Eight seasons, a movie, five Halloween specials and some others. The adventures of a racoon and a blue jay with their co-workers/friends that relies on psychadellia and 80s and 90s nostalgia. It begins good, gets better, then lowers the quality (they were producing the movie at the same time tho, give some credit) and with and after the movie ends awesome. It’s on CN web, dunno if on Hulu (US only) and proably on HBO Max.

Evangelion: it’s a classic at this point, but addictive to me because I end rewatching the series or the final movie many times. A post apocalyptic future where the world has to deal with strange creatures known as the Angels and a boy with lots of traumas has to get on a mecha to save the humankind. All the characters have traumas and issues, the interaction between them or the action makes it worth. The End of Evangelion is a movie that ends the unfinished series. Warning: at some point it becomes very twisted and there are scenes which are too much violent. Viewer disclosure etc. It’s on Netflix worldwide.

Steven Universe & SU Future: this is the tale of the gem boy who ends a galactical tyranny and brings democracy to the universe. A acclaimed show that broke through many topics like gender, identity, ptsd, relationships and many more. Besides it’s got the best scores of the Milky Way and beyond thanks to the talent of Rebecca Sugar, Aivi Tran and Surasshu. And the actors and acrtresses! I don’t forget the movie, a musical that is an introduction to the epilogue: Shippuden Future. The show is available on CN and will be on HBO Max. Worldwide? No news.

Adventure Time: something that began as an innocent boy and a magical dog having adventures in a post apocalyptic world turns into the journey of Finn Metens from childhood to almost adulthood. There is a lot of fantasy and comedy you enjoy, but there are dark moments and serious ones through S6 that find a balance with early seasons form S7 to the finale. It also has great music, memorable moments and colaborations. And guess what? There is going to be a special set to premiere on HBO Max in some weeks! You got plenty of time to catch up or rewatch before that on CN or only (!!) S5 on Netflix.

Final Space: a dude tries to save the universe with their friends, where we can find his love interest, a cat-man and his kitten son, a intersexual alien, an AI then robot that is the best of them, two particular siblings and an annoying bot that prevents insanity that makes you insane. Crazy adventures in space, lots of situations, sadness, an evil smol bean who is a space emperor, a dude who looks for revenge, space deities that can destroy the universe. Is this a lot or info? It is not, because there is more and you can watch it on TBS, Adult Swim and Netflix (the world except US).

Rick and Morty: the most powerful, smartest human in the universe has adventures with his grandson. It’s awesome, but has a very toxic fanbase. Anyway, you can enjoy it on Adult Swim or Netflix (which is up to date!) and the rest of S4 is set someday.

Bojack Horseman: a Hollywood satire about human relationships, fame, traumas with a pour of comedy. Alongside the previous series, the best adult animation of the decade. Sadly cut by Netflix because the studio unionized (see T&B), said by both the creator and Aaron Paul. You can watch the six amazing seasons on that platform.

I’m not an animated movies guy, but here are three I really like and you can watch:

Porco Rosso: a handsome Italian combat aviator turned magically to a pig has a face off with an American pilot hired by pirates to get rid of him before WWII in Fascist Italy. It’s entertaining and, like every Ghibli movie, nice to watch. It’s on Netflix and will be on HBO Max for US.

Lego Batman Movie: Batman is depressed and has to get over it. It’s wacky and has lots of comedy. Plus Will Arnett is top 3 Batman. On Netflix (Latinamerica).

Spiderverse: Oscar winner movie about your friendly neighbour Peter Parker Miles Morales. Miles sees Spiderman die and feels bad after being transfered to a private school. Then a radioactive spider from a Fisk compound bites Miles and he’s Spiderman... among other dimensions’ Spiderpeople: Gwen, Peni, Peter Parker, Noir and Peter Porker. It’s visually amazing. On US it’s on Netflix (I guess), on Latinamerica on HBO.

Some interesting live actions I watched lately

Atlanta: Donald Glover is Earn, a dude who struggles to find a job for her baby girld and sees an opportunity when his cousin, Paper Boi, has a hit and uses him to make his cos famous. Sometimes a comedy, sometimes a social satire with touches of drama. And all protagonists are now big shots, like Zazie Beetz, Brian Tyree Henry or Lakeith Stanfield. There are two seasons and two seasons set for 2021 (2022 possible beacuse of coronavirus). It’s on FX, Hulu (US) and Netflix (world)

Avenue 5: this is brand new. On 2060 space cruises are a thing, and one cruise (the Avenue 5) has an accident that leaves the crew and passangers stranded for years. The captain (Hugh Laurie) has to solve this shit with a bunch of incompetent crew, bosses like Judd (Josh Gad), except one female engeneer who is very smart. Lots of crazy things happen in this series from the creator behind Veep. It’s on HBO (it’s free in the US!).

Peaky Blinders: it has some years but damn it’s epic. A gang from Birmingham makes their way to the top during the late 1910s after the Great War and extends through the 1920s. S5 is right in the ascension of fascism in Britain. ALL THE CAST acts spectacular, names like Cillian Murphy, Tom Hardy, Anna Taylor-Joy and a long etc. But my fave is Paul Anderson, that ultra violent junkie Arthur Shelby is splendid, then is Tommy and aunt Pol, the baddest badass woman in Britain. Blinders is going to have seven seasons, there are two left. You can watch it on BBC or Netflix.

Sex Education: speaking of Britain, excellent teen comedy. Horny, doubtful teenagers going through those hard years. Stories of sex (duh!), abuse situations, abortion, there are gay relationships either, Gillian Anderson! It’s on Netflix, go go go!

Watchmen: despite not having Alan Moore on board, Damien Lindeloff did a tremendous job with the comic. Way better and less misleading than Zack Snyder’s 2009 film, Watchmen is again at the gates of the world’s end (like today) and handles the problem of racism and white supremacy quite well. Just 9 episodes, but worth to watch. On HBO.

CAOS: Sabrina the Teenage Witch is over. Warner and Netflix made a revival of the Archie Comics character and brought her to XXI Century. But gorier, hornier, dark and magical than the nice 90s sitcom. Sabrina Spellman goes from a doubtful teen who has to decide if she has to be a witch or a powerless woman to rule Hell. How she does it? Find out on Netflix! Note: S1 and 2 take some episodes to start properly. Don’t get bored too easy.

There are A LOT MORE to recommend and I make a list: Harley Quinn (DC Universe), OK KO (Hulu -US only-), House MD, Young Justice (DC Universe/Netflix), Ken Burns’ documentaries (Netflix), Titans (DCU), Over The Garden Wall (CN), Seis Manos (Netflix), Thundercats Roar (CN), Easy (Netflix), GLOW (Netflix), Star Trek Discovery (CBS, Netflix) and Picard (CBS, Amazon Prime), etc.

- You named cool shows, but I’m not from the United States or I don’t have a subscription to (insert VOD here) because I can’t afford it

- Glad you asked, I have the answer here

Introducing Stremio. It’s an open source platform where you can watch shows, movies or even live TV on Windows, Linux, Apple or Android. You create an account, install some addons and start looking for what you want to watch.

Stremio is based on torrents, you should install addons from many known torrent sites. So maybe you find an old show, but there aren’t many seeds to watch. And it could be frustraiting, so make sure there are people sharing so you can watch it.

You can download Stremio here and check the FAQs which is very clear.

NOTE: Stremio is note quite “clean” way to watch, but if you do please support the shows you watch by posting, commenting about them, making memes, thanking the creators and crew for their work, buying merchandise if you can. They put a lot to make the shows we love, let’s give ‘em back that love and effort.

You’re tired of the same music, the same movies or need to leave something to make company? There is Vaughn Live, a streaming page where are lots of channels with movies and series on strem (not VOD). For example, there is a channel that streams Adventure Time, other Regular Show, other Sci-Fi shows, another with DBZ and so on. Take in count that if the channel has +70 viewers, the free access is cut and if you want to watch it you have to pay.

En Vaughn también hay canales en español, como Simpsonmanía, Dragon Ball, Futurama, dibujos viejos y muchísimo más. Anyway, go to https://vaughn.live/ and enjoy yourselves!

Y hablando de canales en español, pueden ir a SeriesLan donde está el mayor reservorio conocido de series animadas de entre 1960 a 2010 en español latino. Pueden encontrar tesoros desde Don Gato, los Halcones Galácticos o Street Sharks a Flapjack y Mechas XLR. Otra alternativa para que pasen el rato.

Some interesting facts:

Epic Games releases a free game per week in their store. This week will be two games. You can check in https://www.epicgames.com

Steam has good prices on games and some free ones. There even is the latest Football Manager for free until March 25th. Check on https://store.steampowered.com/

If you’re interested,

I got this playlist I made on Spotify

with songs I liked in more than one year. More than 1200 songs.

And that’s pretty much it! You got resources for a lot of days, 14 initially since that’s the quarantine time in my country. Remember: obey the indications of the Health authorities, this is no time to play the “fuck the goverment” game. We will overcome this pandemy together, helping and caring for each other. That’s why I did this guide, to keep your minds busy in these tough times! Wash your hands, keep social distance, stay at home, go outside if necessary and have some patience please. This has been a PSA.

Stay strong!

Burrito

[birdwholanded]

The Goldfinch (Spoiler)

If you want to read the Goldfinch for yourself to get your own understanding and opinion on it, read it for yourself before you read this because this is what I thought about it for myself.

    Donna Tartt’s The Goldfinch is divided into the chapters Boy with a Skull, The Anatomy Lesson, Park Avenue, Morphine Lollipop, Badr al-Dine, Wind Sand and Stars, The Shop-Behind-the-Shop, The Shop-Behind the Shop, continued, Everything of Possibility, The Idiot, The Gentleman’s Canal, and The Rendezvous Point. At the beginning of the book there is a quote ,“He’s telling you that living things don’t last-it’s all temporary. Death in life. That’s why they’re called natures mortes. Maybe you don’t see it at first with all of the beauty and bloom, the little speck of rot. But if you look closer-there it is.” (24) I like this quote because I can relate to this. My grandfather passed away from cancer in December of last year while my aunt was also very ill with leukemia during the time. My hamster passed away and so did both of my parakeets. I didn’t know how to take it when my parakeet passed away at the bottom of his cage with his feet up in the air. It affected me a lot. My mom took him out of his cage and made him a nice home in a box with tissue paper and clothes so he could rest nicely in them. My mom and I had a funeral for him and said nice things about him and the memories that we had about him and then I buried him underneath a tree in my backyard. My hamster was breathing heavily and his heart stopped beating one morning when my dad woke up. He woke me up by coming into my room and telling me that he had passed away overnight. We put him in a nice box too and buried him by my parakeet. I did not know how to cope with the avalanche of sickness and death that has happened to my family members and my pets at the end of last year and the beginning of this year. I grieved in my own way because it was a really sad time. I felt like I shut off and became angry at the world because I did not understand why things happened the way that they did. My family also lost a distant family member this year from a heart attack.       People cope with loss in different ways too. It is very personal.       I enjoyed the section of the book where his mother gave him the painting to keep and hold on to to remember her by. It is a keepsake and an heirloom.   A mother was taking her student son to an art gallery in New York City but an explosion went off in the gallery while they were inside and everyone was rushing to try to escape the gallery. The son left, but the mother never did. She passed away in the explosion and the son has to come to terms with it and where he is going from there. He doesn’t have a home to stay at anymore so the social workers want to put him with his grandparents, but his grandmother’s back is going out and she can’t take care of him properly. He feels out of place and he doesn’t belong anywhere. “But suicide wasn’t the ansswer.” (93) He felt isolated and disconnected. He wanted to go back in time.     His father is not a presence in his life when he is living in New York. He is irritated and cold a lot of the time. He doesn’t  like to come home and wants to stay out drinking. It is described that he has a lot of stressors on his mind and that he even wants to move to Atlantic City and start over again. He is fearful. The son can’t look up to him because he doesn’t want to be involved with anything. The son is taken to a home where his friend is in AP classes and he is dedicated to his studies so he can’t do anything because all of his time is taken up. He watches old Turner classic movies to distract himself. Theo misses his mom and questions if he could have done things differently to prevent her death while he is staying at the temporary house. He wants to leave the house but he has nowhere to go. Theo wants to disappear and hide. He goes to therapy and while he is there he thinks about a girl named Pippa that he saw at the museum with his mom when the explosion happened. He cannot get Pippa off of his mind and he fantasizes about her. He meets with her and he finds out that she is moving away to Texas because her mother had passed away too so she is looking to start a new chapter in a new location. A fresh start.      He gets to move in with his father in Las Vegas and is charmed by his father’s lifestyle. It is a completely different lifestyle living with his father and girlfriend than living with his temporary housing family Andy and the Barbours. He meets a guy named Borris in his class in school and Boris lived in Ukraine and Russia and he introduced him to that culture. Boris is a main character in the book and is almost Theo’s wingman. Boris is not a good influence for him because he introduces him to a darker lifestyle.       Theo, the narrator of the story gets early admission to go to college and he goes into a European film class. His friends are taking classes like intro to Russian literature. The book, The Idiot by Doeskevsky is referenced too and philosophical things are taken out of the book and questioned by Boris near the resolution of the book. He has a painting called the goldfinch that his mother gave him. When the explosion at the art gallery happened, some paintings got ruined.       He discovers that his friend Andy had died and he is contemplating death some more.     I liked how the beginning of the book connected to the end of it in the way that it explains the characters’ fate and circumstances. At the beginning of the book he is in Amsterdam, but it is not explained why he is there until the ending of the book where he commit capital murder to save the painting his dead mother gave to him.  “It was a social and moral lesson, if nothing else. But for all foreseeable time to come-for as long as history was written, until the icecaps melted and the streets of Amsterdam were awash with water-the painting would be remembered and mourned. Who knew, or cared, the names of the Turks who blew the roof off the Parthenon? The mullahs who had ordered the destruction of the Buddhas at Bamiyan? Yet living or dead:their acts stood. It was the worst kind of immorality. Intentionally or no:I had extinguished a light in the heart of the world. An act of God:that was what the insurance companies called it, catastrophe so random or arcane that there was otherwise no taking the measure of it. Probability was one thing, but some events fell so far outside the actuarial tables that even insurance underwriters were compelled to haul in the supernatural in order to explain them-rotten luck, as my father had said mournfully one night out by the pool, dusk falling hard, smoking Viceroy to keep the mosquitoes away, one of the few times he tried to talk to me about my mother’s death, why do bad things happen, why me, why her, wrong place wrong time, just a fluke kid, one in a million not an evasion or copout in anyway but-I recognized, coming from him-a profession of faith and the best answer he had to give me, on par with Allah Has Written It or It’s the Lord’s Will, a sincere bowing of the head to Fortune, the greatest god he knew.” (701-702)      He describes going through drug withdrawals in some parts of the book and he talks about morphine, xanax, oxycontin, riboxycotin. He was snorting coke too. His father was taking vicodin which is hydrocodone. I didn’t expect for there to be so much discussion about drug use. The father relies on drugs to ease his situation. He got sober however. The father was addicted to drugs because of the relationship he had with his wife, the mother of Theo. The husband and wife got at each other’s throats and they would argue. He didn’t appreciate the situation he had when he was around her. He tried to escape. I think drug use is escapism but is also used for relaxation. Cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol are ok to use because they are soft drugs that put one at ease. When one starts to use hard drugs like cocaine, then it is not so good because they rely on it for its effects and get addicted to it. They have to get enough money for drugs too. It’s a cycle that is hard to break because one always craves the drug rush. I have smoked cigarettes and marijuana and I drink. I don’t care if people drink. I don’t care what people do unless it is illegal. I think that things are ok in moderation.     The Goldfinch is about appreciating every moment in life whether good or bad, its ups and downs because it's a very rare and precious thing. One has to appreciate life because at any second one’s relative could pass away in a car accident, shooting, etc not to say that it will happen, but anything and everything is to be expected and can happen. The Goldfinch is a rare creature that moves quickly. One moment it could be here and the next moment it can be flying away and migrating to a different location with its species to be never seen again for a while.  When I was reading this book, I went outside to sit in my backyard and continue to read and I had my parakeet and dog sitting outside with me. I went inside the house to get something, but my dog alo wanted to come inside the house at the same time while my parakeet’s cage was very close by. My dog was biting my pants trying to get inside the house first, and I had slightly kicked him trying to get him to stop biting me, but in doing that, my parakeet’s cage had toppled over into the flower bed by accident and my parakeet was free. She tried to fly away through a hole in our fence to get into my neighbor’s yard, however I was quick enough to come and get my mom to help save her, because I had thought that I had lost her. She did not go very far and was stuck in the fence. My mom was able to get a hold of her and put her back in her cage. I had fixed her cage after it had fallen down. It was scary because she could have easily been gone for good like my two other parakeets. My parakeet looks like a gold finch because she is golden and bright like the sun. I call her sundrop. Her name is Coronja.        ‘...if bad can sometimes come from good actions-? Where does it ever say, anywhere,that only bad can come from bad actions? Maybe sometimes-the wrong way is the right way? You can take the wrong path and it still comes out to where you want to be? Or, spin it another way, sometimes you can do everything wrong and it still turns out to be right?....What if all your actions and choices, good or bad make no difference to God? What if the pattern is pre set?...What if our badness and mistakes are the very thing that set our fate and bring us round to good? What if, for some of us, we can’t get there any other way?”  (745-746) This quote discusses predestination. The idea of if you will go to heaven or hell or some other universe. “Predestination is the doctrine that all events have been willed by God usually reference to the eventual fate of the individual soul.” (wikipedia.org) “Explanations of predestination often seek to address the paradox of free will.” (wikipedia.org) “Therefore as predestination includes the will to confer grace and glory so also reprobation includes the will to permit a person to fall into sin and impose the punishment of damnation on account of that sin.” (wikipedia.org)     “It’s not hard to see the human in the finch. Dignified, vulnerable. One prisoner looking at another...the bird looks out at us…” (766) From this quote I get the idea of reincarnation and that animals do have human characteristics. Animals have little souls that are like people. They have common traits that cannot be denied.       “...wade straight through it, right through the cesspool, while keeping eyes and heart open. And in the midst of our dying, as we rise from the organic and sink back ignominiously into the organic, it is a glory and privilege to love what Death doesn’t touch. For if disaster and oblivion have followed this painting down through time-so too has love. Insofar as it is immortal (and it is) I have a small bright, immutable part in that immortality. It exists; and it keeps on existing. And I add my own love to the history of people who have loved beautiful things, and looked out for them, and pulled them from the fire, and sought them when they were lost, and tried to preserve them and save them while passing them along literally from hand to hand, singing out brilliantly from the wreck of time to the next generation of lovers and the next.” (771) This quote talks about even though people are unhappy,achy, fragile, unhealthy and sick, there is still a bright side to things and to see things through, like my grandfather. My grandfather had given up in his elderly age and would lay on his couch and just watch the news or the stock market. He did not want to have that much of an existence when he got old. He had a stroke when I was ten years old and he could not get around that much and his speech was slurred. He had to go to physical therapy. The main message of the book is to say don’t take anything for granted and to be appreciative because everything can be taken away in an instant and your whole life can change by the small actions that you choose to make or not to make.  At the beginning of the story, the main character is on house arrest in Amsterdam and it ties in with the ending of the story to say that he is on House Arrest for the actions he decided to make. He cannot appreciate the city of Amsterdam and everyone there knows him as a criminal. He got charged with capital murder and has to stay where the cops knows where he is at.     People move quickly and do make poor decisions that affect them for the rest of their lives. Small choices have a great impact being if you commit a crime such as embezzling money, committing fraud, stealing, etc then you will have big punishments. It affects a lot of people in negative ways. People’s feelings can get hurt and everything can change for the worse in a matter of seconds.         It is difficult to deal with death of loved ones and animals and even the idea of it is scary and hard to come to terms with. When there are situations where one is faced with it, he or she can make harsh decisions that they will regret later on whatever they may be. Things can be altered so much that there could be no going back to the way things were. Small events can have a large impact. In the heat of the moment though, anything can happen, and regrets made. That is why it is important to be appreciative and loving to everyone, because people can grieve over the loss of their pet, over their loss of money, over the loss of a friend, etc. Even if you don’t want to wake up day after day after day because you did have loved ones pass away, you still need to wake up for yourself and see the good in everything because there are so many wonderful things to appreciate and cherish, so many opportunities to be had and loved and memories to be made. Love the pets that you have and love your family and friends. Cherish everything because everyone and everything is valuable and meaningful and adds to the quality of your life.       Theo comes to terms with his mother’s passing and grows from it and learns how to live with it.      Donna Tartt, the author of The Goldinch, puts in philosophical ideas and examples in this book that I appreciate. She uses quotes from Albert Camus, “The absurd does not liberate; it binds.” What I understand of this quote is absurdity doesn’t make one free, it ties one down and wraps one up. She uses another quote, “When we are strongest-who draws back? Most merry-who falls down laughing? When we are very bad,-what can they do to us?” This is said by the French poet Arthur Rimbaud. I get from this quote that who is there to watch people fall when times are hard? “We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves.” is a quote by François De La Rochefoucauld. Rochefoucauld is a noted French author of maxims and memoirs. He is part of the literary movement of classicism and is best known for his maxisms. “It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.” by Schiller. I like this quote because people have hearts and want to enjoy the good things and get past the bad things that happen.    “We have art in order not to die from the truth.”-Nietzsche.     Tartt grabs philosophical examples from The Little Prince in some parts of the book.  

[cotet25458-blog]

Puppy Socialisation - Having Fun With Your New Puppy

Bringing home a new puppy is a bundle of fun. Puppy socialization is the most important thing you need to focus on before your puppy reaches the age of 12 weeks. This puppy socialization period is known as the 'window of opportunity' because it is the time period when puppies learn best how to cope with the unknown. Therefore, the more people, puppies, objects, noises and environments the puppy can be exposed to during this period, the better. Puppy socialization to these new experiences helps the puppy to be a lot more confident as an older dog when subjected to unfamiliar events. https://puppyhealth225.blogspot.com/2020/07/it-is-important-for-your-boy-to-choose.html

A lot of puppy socialization can occur in the home environment - exposure to loud banging noises, such as clanging pots and pans, vacuum cleaners, washing machines, lawn mowers, etc.

Ask any visitor that comes to visit to handle the puppy all over; touching the paws and feeling in between the toes; playing with the ears; giving restrained hugs; playing with the mouth and opening the mouth placing your finger on the puppy's tongue. If at all possible expose your puppy to children and teach them how to handle the puppy properly. Always make sure when children and puppies are playing together that they are supervised. You don't want the children to play too roughly with the puppy and you don't want the puppy getting so hyped up by antics of children and becomes out of control.

Puppy socialization can also include making funny faces and stupid noises at puppies; exposing them to skateboards, bikes, wheelie bins and other moving objects. Noises of airplanes, loud machinery, children screaming, babies crying, radios blaring are generally everyday occurrences that your puppy may experience in later life. CD's are available with all sorts of noises, including thunder which is something that is not always available for the puppy to get used to.

Puppy preschool or kindergarten is a great avenue for socialization with other puppies of a similar age. However, the conflict arises from the question of puppy vaccinations "is it safe to take a puppy out during this time?" This is a dilemma because on the one hand you want to train your puppy to be sociable but keep the puppy safe at the same time.

Some opinions and advice will be to not allow the puppy outside of the home environment until he/she is fully vaccinated. The risk of having a dog that is fearful and not well socialized to people and other dogs is a very real possibility if you follow this advice. Ultimately, as the owner of the new puppy, you need to weigh up the pros and cons of both sides and make that decision for yourself. I have seen the result from both sides, having had a dog who was dog aggressive as we were not able to attend puppy socialization classes at the time when he was a puppy (they simply weren't around) and having a dog who turned out to be completely sociable who also didn't attend puppy socialization class for the same reason.

If you do decide to attend puppy socialization classes do some research first and find one that you feel comfortable with. Puppy play should be strictly supervised - a puppy preschool can make or break your puppy. You might like to find out the following:

how much space is available for puppy play whether the class instructor has any dog training experience observe how puppies are handled are positive reinforcement methods used to help puppies to learn are the off leash puppy play sessions intermittent and carefully supervised or is it just a free-for-all is there a restriction on number of puppies in a class These are just a few questions to consider. Whatever you do - if you are out and about with your puppy make sure you carry him/her in public areas and not allow him/her to walk on the ground as this is how they can pick up the nasty diseases.

Puppy socialization exercises can and should be fun for you as well as the puppy. Help the puppy to learn to associate good things with what you are doing. Using high value food treats is a great way to make this association, however be careful not to over-feed the puppy. Keep practice sessions short and sweet and finish on a good note. For example, you might examine the puppy's ears, give a food treat and that session is over. Then a little while later you might play with the puppy's feet, give the puppy a treat and finish there. There is a lot of little socialization exercises that are easy to incorporate into every day life.

Don't overload your puppy with too much at once, and give him/her time out to be on his own in a crate or puppy play pen to settle and be calm, especially when there is a lot of activity with child play.

Having lots of fun with all of these socializing exercises helps the puppy to feel relaxed and calm about everything he/she gets exposed to and goes a long way towards building a strong bond between you and all family members.

[saintorr]

The Most Beautiful Parts

by St.Orr c. 2017

             The most beautiful parts of myself glow when I have compassion for myself, for my pain, my joy and solitude; for the craters, bags and wrinkles that attach themselves to my face and body as I age. Along with these come the tears, smiles and feelings (stuffed and unstuffed) that constitute this lovely, divinely starborn (and sometimes stillborn) psycho-bionic being and oh so grounded human entity called myself. There are broken dreams and anger, the shadows of dark and the shadows of gold; both the ashes and the infinite parts of the pieces of the puzzle that make up the me, a man who thought he was a little girl, who then accepted the man he grew into, wrapped in all of the scars of that cocoon woven into a fleece of many colors, of many shadows, and seasons that make up a life.

            I can see the grace and beauty of those larger than life stars as they sit at their tables at the great awards shows, the Golden Globes, the Oscars, etc. I sit at home and watch and wonder at their flow, their luminosity, their electric energy broadcast through all the wireless waves and satellites and piped into my monitor; I feed on them, consume them and think to myself because I can see their beauty, their grace, that I have it too!  Because I can feel them glistening with unimaginable gentleness, grace, beauty and power, then I too must have those things in me. Or maybe some essence? Well, doesn’t every human being?

            When these luminous ones come together to make their art, they overshadow all the neurotic news of bombastic tyrants and terrorist statistics; they shine through the fear, bloodletting, violence and hatred of the current world, circa winter, 2017. But they shine their fake smiles on all the dreamers and poets who still scrawl, write, and scrounge through the bottom layers of silt seeking a chance at the glamour and the gold of this crap game called show business where beauty is elevated to an art form that can inspire and lift. Their beauty too can be a trap—for it is the A-list, in-crowd that the agents and managers feed on and fight over, the stars we worship and adore. For, let's face no one wants or cares to hear about the losers whose dreaming destroyed them.

            The only famous person I ever massaged was Clive Davis. Other writers have warned me never NEVER to use real names when I record my memoirs but here I go. My purpose is not to gossip or slander but simple illustrate how the high roads and pinnacles of great success can sometimes meet the everyday world of the common man and produce a strange concoction all its own. I was called to Davis’ black marble penthouse tower on Park Avenue late one Sunday evening. He was an elderly man, he owned his own massage table and after a very anti-climactic session he paid me partially in nickels and dimes. While I stood there, in his kitchen, receiving the coins in open palms, his sick, dying Cocker Spaniel had the audacity to throw-up on my shoe. I don’t think there were any pennies. Clive inspired me to write a song called “Park Avenue” which I later produced, recorded and played for him when he called me for a second massage. He didn’t seem impressed when he heard it. “Meh, it's not a killer” he said, shrugging his shoulders and curling his lips. So much for inspiration.

            There was one client who actually did pay me partially in pennies; a forgettable outcall in the West Village truly more deserving of the demeaning label of trick than that of massage client. Besides the backbreaking massage, this arrogant, cold-blooded white snake of a humanoid also demanded that I piss on him in his bathtub. I still recall the hideous, garish Kelly green and shiny silver wallpaper of that awful bathroom; and the urge to throw the carefully counted pennies that he doled out right back in his face as he paid me off, both of us standing by the door. God I so wish I had flung those pennies right back into his satiated, smirking face. This was after I rubbed him and worked him up to a sensual release as the bedside photo of his lover standing on some pristine Hamptons beach replete with foaming waves and pant legs rolled up in the sand looked on, a boyish smile sweetly singing into the camera.

            The little boy in me has followed the man to the places where touch replaced sanity as the ultimate actor's “Survival Job” and the worship of the ecstasy of the orgasm was all, was enough, was better, truer and more real than any other form of working in the mundane “real world” could ever be.

            Now, I am emerging from that cocoon. Emerging from all my years that are spread out like a long, murky dark night of the soul. Older, wiser, a bit slower and a bit less generous with my body and hands to the hungry, horny minions of men; for what choice does one have when the downtime waves come lasting for a week, two weeks, or two months? In years past, when I was younger, the downtime could be measured in hours or days, there was always an endless supply of male (and sometimes female) clients in and out and up and down the one flight of stairs leading to my one-bedroom East Village flat. Then I recall all the hours spent in spas, the Plaza, the Waldorf, the crème de la crème of the best hotels and spas in the city; those passive aggressive, peach and crème-colored torture chambers with their silken linen smells and serenely smiling blond aestheticians working the front desk, making bookings, taking payments, listening to the complaints of the rich and not-so-famous. How many times was I initiated into the true meaning of the embalmed slave-state of the so-called service industry mentality? The place where New age serenity smiles are glued in place like impenetrable plastic masks. Oh the ache of the pressure of hands on bodies, hour after hour, giving until there’s nothing left to give; to have to smile, to have to fight attitudinal managers over incorrect paychecks, explain yourself like a criminal when some cunt complains about something you did or didn’t do (“too much peppermint oil on my thigh, it started to burn!” "So sorry to rock your bliss lady, but the cap was loose and came off in my hand!” or “During the massage, his fingers felt much too close to my inner thigh;" or "he stole my Rolex watch”). Oh what joy to be jumping like a trained circus dog when the cruel but handsome, Latin bisexual manager snapped his fingers “Room 4-Go!” at the West Village “Nickel-Spa for men.” That was the summer of the blackout I remember. There, in a tiny massage room, in the dark, a client lay prone, waiting. And there, light from outside glowed through a slit in the door like some view into a World War II NAZI gas chamber that "Hector” would peep through to check up on you, his eyes searching and accusing, making sure you weren’t doing anything naughty! In the darkened room while you massaged, sometimes you fantasized about lunch, the end of the shift, fantasizing the clock speeding up so the hour would go faster. Also, sometimes there were mysterious energy shifts and exchanges. You would begin the massage with a sore wrist, back or an upset stomach and simply through the mindful meditation of touching--of giving--your malady would disappear. Miraculous. After many a massage too, the clients would reappear looking pleasantly-sleepy, refreshed and years younger. Healing hands are so underrated. There is a lovely Zen quality to simply touching and being paid for it. It’s a pure physical, intimate work on a much higher level than office 9-5 drudgery. I’m grateful too for all the joys the sexual release work have given me through the years. Talk about “sweet labors of love.” So it almost appears strange that after all this physicality and all this time I wonder why is it that now, when I find myself servicing a client’s sexual needs that an intense nausea rises in my gut and I’m forced to fight the almost overwhelming urge to vomit? Interesting that after what?--some thirty years of doing massage (I started in 1990) that this very ethereal thing called self-integrity that I thought I’d lost or abandoned years ago, (my lost soul perhaps?) has come back to own me with a vengeance. Or maybe I’m owning it, my dear, sweet self-soul, after all these years. Thank you, God. I guess there’s a point where every man grows into his skin and outgrows his tired, cock-heavy adolescence. It’s as if my gut is telling me “You HATE this.” But I ignore the feelings and my urge to puke when repulsion grips me. I know the hour will soon be done and this strange “stimulation/torture/meditation” meshing and merging of energies, fluids and fantasies called M4Mmassage will help me pay yet another month of my over-priced New York rent. In my new vision of this my “third ace,”  I see myself fleeing this inflated, over-hyped, hollow, over-populated and all-too-neurotic place called New York City. Please God, soon, I pray, just the vista of the ocean and a small garden and I’ll be fine. Oh, and no more massages please, unless he’s my lover and not a client.

[prevsapphism]

An Extremely Detailed Guide to Writing A Character In DC

hey what’s up its ur gal queen morgaine comin atcha live with another Extremely Detailed Guide!

in the wake of shows like veep and house of cards, tons of political and adjacent characters have sprung up round the rpc, many of whom live in Our Nation’s Capital™. i’ve seen guides for how to write characters that live in nyc, la, san francisco and lots of other places, but not for how to write characters that live in dc. but Fear Not! i live here! i’ve been living here for well over five years! i can’t wait to leave!

so here is a LONG-- and i DO mean LONG-- list of Spicy DC Shibboleths you can use to make your character realistic, straight from the mouth of a grudging native. ready?

IF YOUR CHARACTER’S IN DC, THEY SHOULD....

 use the metro. the metrorail, called ‘the metro’ by locals, is our version of the t ( boston, ) the tube ( london ) or the subway ( nyc, ) and most locals rely on it to get from point a to point b. much like the other commuter systems listed above, most people use a plastic card, called a SMARTRIP CARD, to pay for fare, which is anywhere from $2 to $6 depending on the time of day. ( the metro charges more for ‘peak hours,’ which is the afternoon / rush hour time period between four and eight pm. ) the metro has numerous stops all throughout washington dc proper, maryland and virginia, and we usually refer to the lines on it by their colour ( eg red, yellow, green. ) unless your character is the queen of sheba and gets carried by servants or has Nerves of Steel and drives everywhere, they probably use the metro to get where they need to go. 

.....complain about the metro. this is a huge one. however much your character currently complains about the metro? it’s not enough. they need to complain more. for a system supposed to make travelling easier, the metro sure is awful at working consistently. the metro is a dumpster fire on wheels. and there is always some Bulled Shite going on with it, i promise you. your character’s train is late. your character’s train stopped for no reason on the way to a station. some drunk frat bros from au just got on and they’re being loud and drunk. it’s late and the trains are only running every twenty minutes. your character’s metro track might Literally catch fire. the train your character thought was their train dumped them out at a certain stop and now they have to wait fifteen minutes for another one. the metro SUCKS and we ALL hate it, but we’re STILL Beholden to get on it every Focking day to try to go to work or school because Deep In Our Heart of Hearts, we know that driving here is way worse. so yeah, we accept our fates to get on the HellRail9000 every day, but we’re gonna bitch about it the whole time.

probably not live in dc proper. ‘but queen morgaine, my character is a sexy rich 54-year-old illustrious powerlez politician! she has to have the Best Pad around for miles!!’ i hear ya ( also, is she single? ) but The Fact of The Matter Is, it’s really hard to find somewhere to live in dc proper for a multitude of reasons. for one thing, it’s WICKED expensive. ( though that also means, of course, if your character is loaded, don’t worry about this part. ) for another, dc has succumbed to a terrible gentrification problem, which means that more and more regions in the city are being forcibly transformed in order to make them ‘nicer’ for young up-and-comers, displacing longtime residents in the process. it’s Not Unheard Of for your character to live in dc proper, but it would be more realistic for them to live in its outskirts instead ; and people who live in surrounding areas all say they live in dc anyway. popular areas ( especially for politicians or other well-off characters ) include:

bethesda, maryland. the $8 Coffee Snob Epicentre of the dc metro area. LOTS of rich people here. expensive to live in. tons of Chic Fancy Restaurants, lots of cutesy expensive boutique shops ( like sugarfina, lululemon, anthropologie and sweetgreen ) lots of wealthy older ladies walking dogs in Athleisure. very expensive and prestigious private schools here too, like stone ridge and sidwell friends school, but also a few very large public ones, such as bethesda-chevy chase ( bcc. ) the national institute of health headquarters are also here. probably your top-tier best bet for a rich or otherwise Well-Off character. about fifteen minutes into dc proper via metro.

chevy chase, maryland. super nice, though a little on the Pricey side. people here tend to be more Modest about their money, so this area is pretty affluent, it’s not as hoity-toity as bethesda. awesome shopping-- right next to friendship heights in dc, which has lots of high-end stores like jimmy choo, bloomingdale’s, whole foods, etc. about five to ten minutes to friendship heights, fifteen to twenty minutes via metro into downtown dc. ( it’s also right next to the region with the same name in dc. ) 

kensington and garett park, maryland. i used to live here!! quiet and VERY cute. kensington has an adorable historic district down a hill, with a tea room and 'antique row,’ a block of vintage shops. east of bethesda, about ten minutes there by car. beautiful brightly-coloured victorian houses here. has a Small Town Feel and lots of kid-friendly Wholesome activities, so lots of older people and families with young kids live in these areas. huge beautiful art and music venue, strathmore, is here as well. about thirty-five to forty minutes into dc proper via metro. 

arlington, virginia.  i don’t go here very often so i can’t Vouch for it as hard but my dad used to work here so i’ll try. probably the most Work-Focused and Capital-G Government area outside dc. mid-tier expensive, but not a whole lot to do other than work or go to school from the Overwhelming Presence of federal buildings, colleges, and businesses here which makes it a less popular choice. big area, proximity to dc ranges depending on what part of arlington you’re in-- anywhere from five or ten minutes or half an hour away via metro.

alexandria, virginia. sort of like arlington, but prettier. i don’t go here much either, but it’s also a popular choice for those working in dc but wanting to stay in virginia. its Main Hangout, old town alexandria, sits right on the potomac waterfront, and supplies most of the area’s non-work activities. has lots of ~Small Town Charm~, cute bars and restaurants and a couple niche museums, like the apothecary musuem. lots of bakeries here as well. also mid-tier expensive. about forty minutes away from dc via metro.

if your character isn’t a rich politician or is otherwise just Dead-Set on living IN dc, here are some popular areas in the city itself, from most to least expensive. 

georgetown. EASILY the Most Elite, Absolute Ritziest and overall Top-Tier Prestigious neighbourhood in the district. means most of its denizens are wealthy snobs, and the cost of living here is astronomical-- if bethesda has $8 coffee, georgetown’s are $8.50, before tax. georgetown is very hilly, full of townhouses and paved with cobblestones, so your character will probably do a lot of walking and stair-climbing. it’s always busy, and even though the snobby people irritate me every time i go, the shops ( lush!! sephora!! dr. martens!! ) and 700 bakeries with adorable treats ( sprinkles cupcakes!! baked and wired!! ) keep me from staying away completely.

 jinx proof, a wicked good tattoo parlour, is here as well!!

downtown dc.  probably what you think of when you think of ‘washington dc,’ because most of what makes dc dc is down here, as you might imagine. has the capitol building, most of the museums, chinatown, the white house and ford’s theatre. SUPER expensive because of this. 

dupont circle. my personal favourite area of dc, just a few minutes down the block from downtown. lots of great food and shopping-- fantom comics, my favourite comic book store, beefsteak, a vegan restaurant are some of my Usual Haunts here. mid-tier expensive.

 it’s also a historic Gaybourhood: one of the earliest lgbt protest marches and the first real dyke march Ever was held here in 1993! capital pride is also hosted here every year. 

capitol hill. despite the name, not the austere, cutthroat Essence of DC Politics you’d probably think. pretty quiet, lots of row houses ( something dc is famous for, see the ‘bits and bobs’ section at the end here. ) lots of ~Indie~ businesses and coffee shops. was home to phase 1, the area’s oldest lesbian bar, till it closed in 2016 ( rip mama!!!! ) mid-to-lower-tier expensive. 

u street / cardozo. ah, U Street, my Other Home. great food here, like sugar shack donuts and ben’s chilli bowl. but u street’s Star Attraction is most of dc’s music scene, most notably All Flavours of rock ( esp punk, ) indie and alternative--i spent almost all of my teenage years Cavorting About till the wee hours of the morning on school nights at concerts, parties and diy shows on u street. mid-to-lower-tier expensive.

adams morgan. also an Artsy Hangout in dc. lots of restaurants and bars, lots of Weird Shops, has the adam’s morgan festival every year. home to a gay bar, pitcher’s, and dc’s newest lesbian bar, a league of her own! mid-to-lower tier expensive. 

georgia avenue / petworth. most of my friends who live in dc proper live here. not a Designated Gaybourhood but lots of gay people, there’s a lesbian party at a bar here every month. lots of animal shelters. good bar scene and ample public transport. right next to howard university, so quite student-heavy, but pretty quiet. lower-tier expensive.

takoma park. i also love it here. ~Technically~ just called takoma, but since it’s mixed with the super-close town in maryland, takoma park, locals tend to just. call it that. quiet and relaxed HippieTown, called ‘the berkeley of the east’ and ‘the people’s republic of takoma park’ with good reason-- lots of Greenie Boutique Places, lots of hybrid cars and ~Progressive~ ally lawn signs. adorable food co-op and tons of bookstores. pretty inexpensive.

none of these Jive with your character and you Really wanna get Spicy, they could could always live in baltimore and get the marc train ( another lightrail serving the dc, maryland and west virginia areas ) every day for a half-hour commute to dc. 

have Opinions about food. greater dc has a very strong restaurant and food scene, made easily accessible by the metro. there’s ALWAYS something cool to eat in dc anywhere you go, and we love telling people about it. 

said Food Opinions are often very divisive, and people argue their side with as much Fervour as those debating pineapple on pizza. for example, one thing people fight about here is mumbo sauce: ‘are you for or against,’ ‘what exactly is it and what do you put it on,’ etc. the one i get dragged into is ‘georgetown cupcake vs baked and wired.’ my dad’s staunchly pro-baked and wired and anti-georgetown cupcake, i love ‘em both, but every time we’re in georgetown we bicker.

never fall short of things to do. like i said, dc is ALWAYS bustling on any given day. sure, a lot of it’s expensive and very often alcohol-focused ( like nyc, we do a lot of wine and beer tastings, cocktail parties and galas ) or otherwise geared towards adults, but if you hop on the metro or a bus, you’re almost guaranteed to find something. see the ‘places of note’ bullet here for some ideas.

have gone to a museum at least once. the area surrounding the national mall and capitol building also has our museums, which are owned by the smithsonian institution. they’re the first place i reach for when i want something to do, and i’ve been going to them so frequently and for so long that james smithson is practically my third parent lol. they are free, which is what makes them so hugely popular, and the Big Three are the national museum of natural history, the national air and space museum, and the national gallery of art. everyone who comes to dc goes to at least one, even if they never go again, and if your character lives here, they’ll probably go to several. ( they also make great date spots, fyi. )

have Opinions about the national cherry blossom festival. dc has lots of cherry blossom trees along the tidal basin and potomac river, given to us as a token of friendship by japan in march of 1912. to celebrate, the national cherry blossom festival is held every spring from late march to early april when the trees are in peak bloom. it isn’t so much a Hard and Fast Festival but more of a fourteen-day period with various cherry blossom- and japanese-themed events, like kite-flying, marathons and sake-tasting with a Great Big Street Fair at the end. people flock to dc every spring just for the cherry blossoms, and most locals either love it, take five billion photos and celebrate with thematic cupcakes and cocktails, or Loudly hate it and call it an overhyped tourist trap ( while still sneaking their annual cherry blossom pic for facebook On The Sly. ) your character should probably be one or the other, i don’t know a lot of neutrals. 

probably not call it ‘washington dc.’ if your character does call it that, it should be a defining trait and / or signify that they’re new or visiting. no one here calls it that, we either call it just ‘dc’ or ‘the district.’ it’s not Sacrilege, like calling boston ‘beantown’ ( yuck ) or san francisco ‘frisco,’ more like calling nyc ‘the big apple’-- we just think you sound like a dweeb.

complain a LOT. however much your character is complaining, it’s not enough. they need to complain more. dc locals are ALWAYS complaining about something, in a way similar to a cranky new yorker. i’ve never known a dc local, especially an office worker, who wasn’t complaining every five seconds about one thing or another, and this is largely attributed to its wealthy, ambitious and politically-driven population-- most of us here are Important Individuals, or think we are ; so unfortunately lots of people look down upon those who are not also doing Important People Things.......and end up acting like entitled brats as a result. the metro, like i said, is the biggest one, but other topics of District Annoyance include--

the president’s motorcade. not super common, but takes forever and holds up traffic.

the beltway. the interstate 495, typically just called the beltway, is a highway that makes a loop around dc, as well as the surrounding areas of maryland and virginia. almost always road construction, an accident or traffic no matter what time of day it is and it’s just Generally Terrible. if your character is driving, they’ll probably complain about the beltway.

interns. dc has TONS of interns, especially in the spring and summer. most of them are between the ages of twenty-two to twenty-five, and they come here to work in government buildings or for specific senators and representatives. the most popular place to intern is capitol hill, so ‘interning on the hill’ is something your character will hear or say a lot. most locals don’t like them because they’re super arrogant about what they’re doing and can’t go five seconds without bringing it up.

DC’S STREET SYSTEM AND THE QUADRANTS. 

the city of dc is shaped like a broken diamond, and split into four sections, called quadrants: northeast, northwest, southeast and southwest, with the capitol building marking the middle. 

maryland borders the north half of the quadrant, generally, and virginia the south. 

dc streets run three ways: east-west, north-south, and diagonally, and the streets are named with numbers, letters ( excluding j, x, and z, ) states or a combination. 

lettered streets go east-west, numbered streets go north-south, and diagonal streets have state names.

the national mall runs west and east, respectively, away from the capitol so all the east-west letter streets run next to or parallel to them.

starting with the capitol, the first east-west streets north and south of the capitol are called a st, the second east-west streets north and south of the capitol are called b st, the third is c st, etc.

because there are two of the same number or letter street, you should include the quadrant if you’re mailing something or giving an address. like ‘555 k street nw, washington dc 42069.’

if that sounds confusing, it is. here’s a diagram that might help.

now that i’m done with specific traits, here are some Places of Note in dc you can set your threads in and your character can frequent!!

the smithsonian museums. i can’t make this list without putting my Beloved smithsonian museums first, sorry! they’re all wicked sick, but i’m particularly fond of the natural history museum ( which recently got new ocean and fossil halls i’ve been obsessed with, ) all of the art galleries ( we have five ) and the brand new african-american museum!

politics and prose and kramerbooks. politics and prose is a dc-based bookstore with its Main Store in chevy chase, but has locations in a couple other parts of dc. it also has smaller satellite stores that are part of busboys and poets, a combination restaurant and spoken-word venue. kramerbooks is a single independent bookstore in dupont circle. it’s open super late and has a cafe, called afterwords, on top!!

georgetown cupcake. like i said, it’s a cupcake bakery headquartered in georgetown, with a bethesda location as well! known for its Cute Ass Pink Boxes.

the wharf. waterfront entertainment district in southwest, popular with rich people. awesome music venue, the anthem, where i’ve seen florence + the machine and kt tunstall but it’s primarily fancy restaurants, high-end shopping and cocktail bars, including a milk bar.

baked and wired. like i said, georgetown cupcake’s rival. REALLY BIG cupcakes, which it calls ‘cakecups,’ with flavours like ‘uniporn and rainhoes’ and ‘chocolate doom.’

the black cat. goth / punk music venue and entertainment space on u street. i went to my first ever Capital-G Goth Event here shortly after i turned fourteen!! i love this place a lot and i hung out here all the time in high school. lots of great diy or less-mainstream artists play here, like waxahatchee, ex hex and daughter, and i go to their smiths vs the cure and depeche mode-themed parties every year.

the 9.30 club. the black cat’s cleaner and slightly hipper older sister, just a few blocks away on u street. i also love this place dearly and saw most of the concerts i’ve been to here, including haim, kate nash, new politics, the vaccines and sleigh bells. this is where most big indie and alternative bands play when they come to dc. there’s a coffee bar on the topmost area!!

the satellite room. 1960s-themed diner right behind the 9.30 club. open really late, awesome food especially vegan milkshakes and really cool arcade games in the back!! been here after many a concert In My Day.

nellie’s sports bar. gay sports bar across the street from the 9.30 club. great food and awesome drag brunch!! can be really crowded on weekend evenings though, so proceed with caution.

pitchers / a league of her own. gay bar and lesbian bar in the basement of said gay bar respectively in adams morgan. i’ve not been yet, but i’ve heard it’s fantastic!

strathmore. art and music venue in bethesda / kensington. has a mansion, for small concerts and a tea room, and a huge beautiful concert hall that seats over a thousand people for symphonic and other bigger concerts.

eastern market. craft fair in capitol hill that sells handmade goods, artisan food and fresh produce from may to october, roughly. great Wares, but hot and miserable unless you go early.

fantom comics. adorable comic book store in dupont circle. i’ve also been coming here for ages!! it has mainstream comics and indie ones, and it hosts events as well!

bits and bobs / miscellaneous info--

montgomery county in maryland, where i live, has a five-cent charge for plastic bags in grocery stores. it’s really annoying and your character will probably lie to the self-checkout machines when they buy stuff or complain about it to cashiers.

the grocery stores here are giant ( litcherally just stop and shop with a different name, ) safeway, and wegmans. we also have smaller region-specific ones like mom’s organic market, magruders and yes!

ocean city in maryland, virginia beach in, Well, Virginia, and rehoboth, dewey, lewes and bethany beaches, which are all in delaware, are where most locals go for summer vacations.

almost everyone who says they live in dc, doesn’t actually live in dc. they usually live in a surrounding area, like bethesda or silver spring, and say ‘dc’ for brevity’s sake.

you can’t buy alcohol at a grocery store in maryland, but you can in dc and virginia.  

sometimes metro stops will Randomly shut down for maintenance, which means that sometimes you have to get off at that stop and wait for a ‘shuttle’ ( aka a free bus ) to take you to the next one. it’s the worst thing ever.

most of the houses in dc proper are row houses, which more closely resemble nyc’s brownstones than row houses elsewhere. maryland and virginia tend to have more Real Live Houses, townhouses and apartments.

marylanders LOVE their state flag for some reason, and because so many of them live and work in dc, you’re bound to see it there too. the maryland flag is absolutely FUCK-UGLY and they plaster it on EVERYTHING. bumper stickers, keychains, phone cases, you name it, even board shorts and tank tops. 

those cameras on traffic lights that take pix of you when you speed? everywhere. you WILL end up with a ticket from one eventually.

we have three international airports, reagan international, dulles international and bwi. dulles and reagan are metro accessible, but bwi is in baltimore, so it’s not. 

so there you have it!! a Comprehensive List of DC Shibboleths from a dc local!! have fun, and feel free to tag me in or tell me about your headcanons you use this post for, i’d love to see them!!

[bigskydreaming]

Something I always wish TW had explored more was the idea ‘the shape you take reflects the person you are.’ I don’t think the show put that much thought into it, but theoretically, every single thing about shapeshifters on the show could be explained by having almost complete control of their body down to a cellular level - but only subconsciously, stemming from their self-image.

For instance, werewolves had enhanced strength, speed, senses, in emulation of real wolves....but also superhuman healing, which has nothing to do with wolves. They don’t heal faster than any other animal. So its not a trait werewolves ‘borrow’ from the creatures they emulate. Really, werewolf healing is just shapeshifting. They reshape their body back into an uninjured state, because on a subconscious level they know and believe the only things that can really hurt them are wolfsbane and fire, because centuries of werewolf history have taught each later generation that it’s so.

Just like wounds from an alpha heal more slowly - because werewolves are all conditioned to believe on an instinctual level that alphas are physically and supernaturally on a higher level than the rest of them. Wounds from an alpha only heal more slowly because betas’ brains trick themselves into slowing their own healing - or shifting themselves back into an uninjured state. When Scott believed himself to be a beta or omega in S2, the wounds he got from Derek healed slowly. In 3A, the wounds from Ennis stopped healing entirely, and the others theorized it was psychosomatic, his guilt, his belief he didn’t deserve to heal because of what happened to Derek, was preventing him...and the second they snapped him out of it, he was almost completely fine, even though his wounds still had been from an Alpha. He didn’t resume healing at a slow rate, he was better by the end of the day. Because they were right, it WAS psychosomatic, its just all werewolf healing is. And the difference between S2 Scott and S3A Scott was his mindset, his subconscious sense that Alphas WEREN’T innately on a higher level than him. Then again in S5, when his chest wound took half a season to heal....he didn’t fully heal until his pack was all back together, because in his mind, his ability to heal, to be an alpha, to be who he was as a werewolf, was all linked to whether or not his pack was intact.

Then you’ve got the Alphas themselves...who all look different throughout the series. Peter’s Alpha form was monstrous, because he saw himself as a monster. He reveled in it. He WANTED to be fearsome. Derek never had a monstrous Alpha form because that was never what being an Alpha meant to him. It meant power, yes, but not being something terrifying. And when he eventually gained his mother’s ability to full-shift, he wasn’t even an Alpha, because you don’t have to be, to have the ability to reshape your body to that extent, they all have that capability, its about having the right mindset, the right spirit, on a primal level. He gained his full wolf form when he became as a person, the kind of person he thought honored his family, when he became like his mother before him, a werewolf in tune with nature, who was part of the natural order of things rather than something unnatural. We never saw Deucalion before Gerard’s ambush, but nobody treated him as though he were the kind of Alpha who had a shifted form like the Demon Wolf, he was respected, not feared....which suggests that when his personality underwent a dramatic shift after the events of Visionary, his Alpha shape shifted too. 

Because its not necessarily constant, as we saw with Scott...who normally looked no different as an Alpha than he had as a beta or omega, except for the color of his eyes...because as far as Scott was concerned, he’d always been the same person, he never changed, just became more confident in who and what he was. The exception was in S4, when he internally struggled with his fears of becoming more monstrous, and we saw him physically become more monstrous each time he shifted as well. Or Valet, whose Beast shape was like Peter’s Alpha shape on steroids, because Valet enjoyed being a creature of nightmare on a whole other level entirely. And Deucalion taught the twins to form their Voltron shape as Alphas, something distinct to them because they were so close they could feel each other’s pain, they saw themselves as two parts of the same whole....and they lost that power when they lost their Alpha status, which really only happened because they suffered such a blow to how they viewed their place on the food chain, they were dropped back down a level. After all, if its all just about the spirit YOU have, not what you get from anyone else, maybe all alphas other than a True Alpha are just werewolves able to tap into greater strength and shapeshifting capabilities after they kill an alpha, because subconsciously, doing so is proof to them that they are stronger than an alpha, thus they must be alpha-level themselves. With their eyes shifting color to show their altered self-image, just like werewolves’ eyes turn from gold to blue after they’ve killed someone, because whether they feel guilty about it or not, the mere act of killing affects how they view themselves one way or another.

Or with Jackson....the other kanima mentioned was apparently a jaguar, nothing like Jackson’s shape...because if a kanima is simply a shapeshifter who doesn’t have enough of a sense of self to pick their own identity, maybe they just reflect how others view them instead. Subconsciously, Jackson always knew people thought he was a snake, or cold-blooded, something like that. The kanima seeks a master because the kanima can’t define itself, it needs someone else to define it, give it purpose, literally shape it. That only changed when Lydia reaffirmed for Jackson that there was more to him than just a heartless snake, that he could be more, after Scott and the others trying to save him all season paved the way for him to want those connections on a subconscious level, to want a sense of belonging, of community, instead of just power, to want a pack. He still had kanima traits in S6 because even when we change radically, who we were is always still a part of us on some level.

Kate became a jaguar instead of a werewolf because she hated werewolves. She viewed them as dogs, she dedicated her whole life to hunting them, she didn’t view herself as a wolf on any level, and so when she shifted she became a cat instead. Feline, quick, stealthy, deadly, a solitary hunter instead of one who sought a pack. When she turned Derek back into his teenage self, maybe it wasn’t some complicated magical ritual that changed him...maybe it was just brainwashing, a variation of the techniques she used to make Scott a mindless berserker. All she needed from Derek was to take him back mentally to a time he knew her and trusted her, so he’d tell her where the triskelion was (a trinket that had nothing to do with controlling the shift, just tricking werewolves’ subconscious into believing this was an avenue of control when they didn’t have faith in their own self control). 

So maybe it was as simple as some kind of hypnosis to make him believe he was eighteen again...and then his shape shifted to match the person he was at eighteen. He reverted to his adult self when his mind snapped out of it, remembered who he really was....but his shape wavered all season as his character arc was all about going through an identity crisis after all that had happened to him. He’d been part of a pack, then he’d been a lone wolf, then he’d been an Alpha of his own pack, then he wasn’t an alpha, but not quite a beta, existing on the outskirts of Scott’s pack, an ally and mentor but not wholly convinced he belonged or there was a place for him. He literally didn’t know who he was anymore, and so his subconscious, perhaps weakened or made flexible by what Kate had done to him, reflected that, gradually shifting him over the course of the season to where he was more human, losing his ability to tap into his traits as a shifter, healing more slowly as he felt less and less like the werewolf he’d always been...even his eyes shifting back to gold because he didn’t know if he’d gotten a chance at a fresh start, or if that was even what he wanted...until eventually, he reaffirmed who he was as an individual, who he WANTED to be, had really wanted to be all along, and stabilized as a confident, experienced shapeshifter in tune with himself and nature to the extent he could convert fully into a wolf....with his eyes reverting back to blue because what had happened with Paige was a part of him, and always would be.

Basically, every little thing about shifters can be explained by that ‘the shape you take reflects the person you are’ line. It’s not a thing that can be consciously manipulated, because we’re talking about core self-image, the trappings of your personality, the stuff you can’t control but defines you all the same. Theoretically though, like what happened with Kate and Derek, brainwashing, mind control, hypnosis, etc, could be used to manipulate this, ensure the shape that shifters take by making them believe they are a certain thing or certain way. Just like the weird powers the show randomly gave shifters could be things that shifters of the past had found ways to alter themselves cellularly in order to make these feats possible...and later generations of shifters just looked at their example and instinctively found themselves capable of these things because to them it looked like this was part of what being a werewolf meant, and they were werewolves, ergo they could do it too. 

And that explains the ability to view and erase memories via claws in someone’s neck, forging a connection....or the ability to take pain, or in the case of Derek and Cora, transfer energy to help her heal (even if, according to this theory, really what did the trick there was the external boost from Derek gave Cora’s unconscious mind all it needed to believe it could heal her body all the way, just like it really only cost Derek his Alpha status because he believed that was a potential consequence, he was willing to give it up, and on some level, he WANTED to give it up, it was almost a relief). Just like the inability to cross mountain ash is psychosomatic, geared to their subconscious and perception of what the rules of being a werewolf are...with Scott able to break through the ash barrier that one time, out of a sheer refusal to accept being bound and limited by what everyone else was telling him he could and couldn’t do now that he was a werewolf....that refusal to let himself be shaped by anyone but his own sense of will and identity being what gave him his own self-image as an alpha.

[minutkomentalhealthclinic]

Living Alone: Tips for Adults with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

“Living alone” is coming out of the closet as more and more Aspergers adults find themselves alone. It can be tough to adjust to going solo. If you're an adult Aspie living alone there are a few things to keep in mind to ease the transition and remain connected to the world around you.

To live alone doesn't automatically mean you're lonely. In fact, you can learn to enjoy solitude just as much as spending time with other people. Here are some tips:

1. Connect to the people around you. Sometimes you just have to get yourself out there and say "hi." If you live alone in an apartment complex or condo, go to the sponsored events and talk to at least three new people before you go home.

2. Avoid convenience food. Convenience foods are expensive and rarely good for you. Plus cooking can be an expressive art form in itself, not to mention a rewarding skill to cultivate, as well as a pleasant way to fill up what might otherwise be an empty evening.

3. Exercise. The benefits (e.g., socialization, better sleep, better able to handle stress, etc.) make it even more valuable for people who have to deal with the stress of handling most every crisis alone. Regular exercise gives you a place to spend time being social and staying healthy, and having a workout friend (or just people who know you at the gym or on your running route) is yet another avenue of healthy, nourishing interaction.

4. Call friends and family back home when you feel down. Sometimes all you need is a pep talk from your friends or just to hear a family member's voice to remind you that you're not alone.

5. Don't forget healthy living. It is necessary to take proper care of your health when you are living alone. Try to keep your living place neat and clean.

6. Enjoy the perks of living alone. Decorate however you want to, leave dirty dishes in the sink, walk around in your underwear, make rude noises, or have a solo jam fest to your favorite music. You'll never have to share the remote or the bathroom, and you're free to do what you like.

7. Enjoy your entertainment. Listen to your music and read books of your choice. In the afternoon you can take a cup of tea or coffee staying in the balcony. Watch TV or movie and be relaxed. Extend the breadth of your world.

8. Get a pet. Rescue a cat or dog from a shelter. Having a furry friend to take care of will keep you on track. You will be surprised at the love you will feel for the animal you bring into your home, and the companionship and love it will provide.

9. Have a form of creative expression that is meaningful and fun to do. Whether you design homes, sew, build birdhouses, dance, sing or flip around on a pommel horse, try to find something yours to do, and explore it deeply and visit it often. Call what you do “art” and take it seriously.

10. Keep in touch with friends and family. You're not an island. Go to the movies, out to dinner, out with friends, or invite friends in. Don't forget to have fun.

11. Stick to a schedule. With no one else in the house, you’ll feel like you have greater freedom to sleep in, lie around, and do nothing. While this is hard to combat, keep your mind aware of it and try not to waste life in being slow and dull. Having a regular schedule of a time to wake, work out, eat, etc. helps keep time from getting away from you.

12. Surf the web for connections with others. The computer is a great means to chase the blues away and reach out to people you'll never even meet. Join newsgroups, chat rooms, and web forums to stay connected.

https://en.psyclinic-center.ru

[pantstomatch]

The Tuesday Chat on Wednesday

(1/24/18)

This almost didn’t happen, folks, because my husband is working night shift and I am super tired and I’m expecting my youngest to start crying any minute now. But. 

This week’s Chat is dedicated to Teen Wolf. Kind of. Mostly. I have some thoughts.

@slightestcomplication said:  Is Teen Wolf worth watching? I feel like the fic fandom has probably ruined me for the show, as the writing won't be as good and the characterization less consistent. Fair? Or am I being too harsh? TY! 

Okay, here’s the thing, I limped to the end of season 4 and then kind of half-assed the beginning of season 5 and literally could not watch it anymore, it was so painful, and there was no Derek. I couldn’t even bring myself to watch Derek come back in the farewell episodes. BUT:

The first season is kind of charming in how awkward and terrible it is? So I’d say that you could probably enjoy that for what it is, a mostly fun introduction to the characters, a baby-faced Stiles to stare at, Derek ACTUALLY lurking, like he just hangs on in dark places for real, it’s kind of hilarious. The plot is simplistic enough that it doesn’t seem too stupid.

Second season: SUPER BUFF ALPHA DEREK SHIRTLESS 90 PERCENT OF THE TIME FOR NO REAL REASON. Vamp Erica. Isaac crying over taking pain from a dog.  Boyd. I mean, there’s also the whole weird lizard Jackson thing but mostly it’s about Derek’s werewolf betas and how bad of an idea he had to turn a bunch of maladjusted outcasts.

First half of the third season, uh, weird alpha pack stuff, honestly not great in a sea of not great, but it kept my interest. It’s worth it to get this far just for:

The second half of the third season.  Look, DOB’s acting as the nogitsune is pretty phenomenal.

And then, THEN, you get Stiles actually going to Mexico to find Derek in the beginning of season 4.

The rest is… I mean, there are only really HIGHLIGHTS through-out the series, but while I did finish out season 4, I think I lasted maybe 2 episodes of 5 before crapping out. The writing is just so inconsistent and Scott’s self-righteousness gets SUPER old and if someone let them write another season I’m pretty sure aliens would have been involved, it just got too wild.

Conclusion: I wouldn’t discourage you from giving it a shot, but the fic is definitely one hundred percent better than the show.

Anonymous (definitely not @lissadiane) said:  What makes you decide to switch fandoms? What fandoms have you been involved in? What did you like best about each one? When will you write Winterhawk? 

I feel so attacked right now! Ha ha ha, no, okay, so while I do enjoy the wonder that is Bucky and Clint making out and falling in love, I’m just not into writing superheroes! I guess that could change (especially if a certain someone wants to jump onto that train and I just have to follow).  I don’t know, I don’t like to write anything off completely. Only time will tell. 

I’m not sure HOW I pick new fandom, it just kind of happens. I can’t even remember how I got into any fandom except for my first: I liked to peruse this one junk website, “Junk” was in the title but I can’t remember the actual name of the blog. Anyway, they’d linked to a random story, I think it was probably Harry/Ginny. I’d never even HEARD of fandom before, my first email address was from the college computer lab, and the internet confused me until I graduated and got a job at an internet start-up company (that tanked, as they all mostly did, 2 years later). ANYWHO. That aged me, right there.

So, quick fandom history: with a few crossover exceptions, basically I was in Harry Potter (03-05), then SGA (05-07), Bandslash (07-10), Brief Period of Time where I was Out of Fandom and Writing WHATEVER, and now Teen Wolf (12-present). As you can see, I’ve been in Teen Wolf the longest, even though I’ve written more Bandslash fic than anything else so far. I really think it’s the werewolves. I’ve always really really loved them, even before Teen Wolf.

Things that have drawn me to each are… 

Harry Potter: wizards and witches!

SGA: SPACE ADVENTURES IN ANOTHER GALAXY, also Rodney and John. Also Ronon. But mainly Rodney and John.

Bandslash: boys in bands? Patrick Stump? Ryan Ross’s rose vest? The Cobra? William Beckett’s legs? Maya Ivarssan’s legs? VickyT? There’s just so many characters to chose from and they all intersect at some point, it was amazing.

Teen Wolf: Stiles and werewolves.

I’d need to find something I really connect with to switch fandoms. I read in A LOT. I can read anything, honestly, as long as it’s well written and compelling, but I can’t write in everything. I’m still kind of settled in sterek for the time being.

Anonymous said: If you could choose any actors and writers in the industry, who would you pick to write and star in TW? (You don't have to recast every role. TH could still be Derek, DOB could still be Stiles). 

This is REALLY hard to imagine, mainly because I’ve had 5 years to hone these characters with certain specific faces in mind. For writers, basically anybody but Jeff Davis. Throw TWO OF MY THREE CATS at this show and they could write a better episode than Jeff Davis. It’d just be, like, an hour of Scott and Stiles eating at a diner and hissing at each other.

But, okay, for some reason I keep imagining Dan Radcliffe as Scott McCall, hapless teen wolf.  And he plays it like he’s Dan Radcliffe, not a character. I don’t know, that dude just amuses me to no end. I really want to see him accidentally bitten by a werewolf.

@booklady27 said:  This is more of a Teen Wolf comment than an ask, but whatever. There’s a city in Wisconsin (Holmen) whose street names have a peculiar amount of Teen Wolf references. The one that gets me the most is Hale Drive that turns into Wolfe Drive. NO JOKE! There’s also Hale Road, Hale Court, and Derek Avenue. It just makes me think that the Hale family founded the town and started naming the streets with their names (no Laura, Cora, etc., though; I checked.). [1/2]

It would be their own personal joke that Hale Drive turns into Wolfe Drive. What’s also funny is that there’s a Hunter Court. It makes me imagine that a Hunter family moved into a new subdivision in their town, so they decided to be funny and name the street Hunter Court. I can’t NOT drive through this city without snickering to myself that the Hale family owns it and are trolling everyone! Holmen, WI is legit the setting of a fanfic! [2/2]

I would definitely read an AU about this.  There should be super blatant werewolf references all over town too. And a kitchy monster-themed coffee shop that a oblivious Stiles frequents!

Thank you to all who sent me asks!! Please feel free to send me more for next week :))

[gospelmusic]

Our Daily Bread (ODB) Devotional + Insight: 28 October 2020 - Who's It For?

ODB Devotional for October 28 2020

Who’s It For?

By Mike Wittmer for ODB He poured it out before the Lord. 

2 Samuel 23:16 (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Read: 2 Samuel 23:13–17 Bible in a Year: Jeremiah 15–17; 2 Timothy 2 The picture made me laugh out loud. Crowds had lined a Mexican avenue, waving flags and throwing confetti as they waited for the pope. Down the middle of the street strolled a stray puppy, appearing to grin as if the cheering was entirely for him. Yes! Every dog should have its day, and it should look like this. It’s cute when a puppy “steals the show,” but hijacking another’s praise can destroy us. David knew this, and he refused to drink the water his mighty warriors had risked their lives to get. He had wistfully said it would be great if someone would fetch a drink from the well in Bethlehem. Three of his soldiers took him literally. They broke through enemy lines, drew the water, and carried it back. David was overwhelmed by their devotion, and he had to pass it on. He refused to drink the water, but “poured it out before the Lord” as a drink offering (2 Samuel 23:16). (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); How we respond to praise and honor says a lot about us. When praise is directed toward others, especially God, stay out of the way. The parade isn’t for us. When the honor is directed toward us, thank the person and then amplify that praise by giving all the glory to Jesus. The “water” isn’t for us either. Give thanks, then pour it out before God. What praise for yourself or others did you hear today? How did your heart respond? God, may words of praise to You be continually on my lips. You alone deserve the praise!

Insight

Second Samuel 21–24 can be seen as an epilogue to both books of Samuel. The epilogue is framed by stories of how both Saul and David failed as kings in ways that harmed others. Saul harmed the Gibeonites (21:1), and David’s failure caused harm to the Israelites (24:17). In between these failures, the epilogue recounts David’s vulnerability and dependence on his mighty warriors. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Two poems are at the center of the epilogue, in which David reflects back on his life, recounting God’s faithfulness as well as His promise to raise up a messianic, better king. The poems reinforce the central themes of the books of Samuel: that God exalts the humble and opposes the proud, and He’s faithful to His promises despite great human evil.

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Follow us on social media: Facebook: @hottestnaijadotcom Twitter: @wherehot Instagram: @hottest9jablog Disclaimer: This post contains links by our advertisers. Presence of such links does not warrant endorsements by HottestNaija. Your use of their services, is subject to their terms of service. Click here to take a look at our posts on gospel music download or click this link to see all posts that include gospel music lyrics You may also like our gospel worship songs page which contains, the best, coolest and hottest Nigerian Gospel Songs, and Foreign Gospel Songs. Whatsoever is the mood, we've got you covered. Do you feel like dancing, rejoicing, shouting, screaming, or you're filled with jubilation because of the Mighty things the Lord has done? Then look no further, cos our gospel praise songs page, containing the hottest Nigerian and foreign praise songs collection, was prepared specifically for you. Peradventure you need the lyrics of the songs you are downloading now, just downloaded, or have downloaded before, our lyrics page is the best place to look. What more could be more helpful and entertaining than seeing the lyrics of your most favourite song before you, as the music unfolds unto the climax. Hey we've been there before, and still encounter it from time to time when the vocals get lost in the cloud of heavy orchestration. Are You a Classical Music lover, our classical music page, contains the best of classical songs, composed and written by composers like G. F Handel, Bach, Joseph Haydn, etc. As you listen to your best gospel song, you may also want to get some more insight and knowledge about the word of God, from eBooks written by God's servants, or you may want to learn something new or build yourself up in some way. Then our eBook Page is the right place to look. You may be in need of entertainment, and probably want to watch a video too. We understand that as well. You can get entertaining music videos from our videos page.

[showmethemon3y]

What Black History Month means to me - guest post by Pauline Mayers

So it’s October,  and as usual I’m having a lot of thoughts about Black History Month. In advance of my conversation with the wonderful Pauline Mayers tonight for Real Talk, we got talking on the subject. When she told me about this piece she had written, I wanted to read it. And then when I read it, I wanted to pos it. So thank you Pauline for the gift of your words and experience. I will post the rest verbatim from her text here. 

----

What Black History Month Means To Me by Pauline Mayers

Originally written 1st March 2019

The furore over the apparent rebranding of Black History Month (BHM) to Diversity Month by some London boroughs last year (2018) is of no surprise to me.

I remember when the idea and subsequent rolling out of BHM across the UK began in 1987. The following year, I began my dance training at the internationally known dance conservatoire, the Rambert School of Ballet and Contemporary Dance. Being a young Hackney girl and just turning 18 at the end of the 1980’s this was a big deal for me. I decided to specifically audition for the school as I had watched the associated Rambert Dance company and noticed there were no dancers in the company that looked like me. Without really thinking about it, my audition and subsequent training at the school was a challenge to the status quo. Much like BHM in its very beginnings. 

BHM was a challenge to the UK perception that black people were muggers, thieves and rioters, not to trusted and certainly not to be tolerated. Not that I noticed any of this at the time. My awareness of BHM was consigned to a footnote accentuated by seeing Diane Abbott and Bernie Grant every so often on the news. My attention was very firmly placed on becoming a dancer.

In hindsight, my training was the real beginning of being othered. At the school, I wasn’t seen as a pioneer from Hackney, the first cockney girl (to my knowledge) to attend the school. I was viewed by some of the staff as simply a ‘black body’ who was attempting the impossible. ‘Black People don’t do ballet or dance’ was a mantra that was very definitely felt by me. It’s a mantra that Cassa Pancho MBE, creative director of British ballet company, Ballet Black has spoken of recently. And one that still exists today despite the presence of the extraordinary Dance Theatre of Harlem who were a company of twenty years standing at the point I was in training. This was a fact that school staff at the time seemed to have ignored. For teachers who in theory were experts in the ballet world, this omission is rather startling. Indeed, thirty years after I had begun my training, Ballet Black working with Freed of London have launched ballet shoes for darker skin tones. Which tells me by the omission happened.

Given I had begun my training at a local youth centre and went on to train at the Weekend Arts College I had up until this point always been around people who looked and sounded like me. Being a British black girl at a world renowned ballet school was not the ‘Fame’ experience I was expecting.

I never imagined for a second, the colour of my skin would have such a impact on my every day experience at the school. Born and raised in Hackney, it never occurred to me that being British and black would become a serious bone of contention. A couple of teachers seemed to take some sort of exception to my presence at the school. It certainly wasn’t ALL of the teachers... sounds familiar...

There were however, two teachers who made a massive difference to my experience at the school. With staff that had no POC representation, and students predominantly white European, with some students as far afield as Japan, Canada and the US, seeing examples of black excellence in dance was challenging. I needed to see people who looked like me succeed in the arena I had chosen to live my life, to keep going, to be inspired, so that I didn’t falter. Thankfully the director of the school had cottoned on to how I was feeling and gave me a gift, one I have treasured to this day. The biography of African American performer, activist and French resistance agent Josephine Baker called Jazz Cleopatra. It was about how she who took Europe by storm at a point when the idea of a famous black woman seemed impossible. I read the book until it fell apart. And then bought it several times more.

In much the same way, BHM was a way of celebrating Britain’s black community and its contributions to the U.K., which is a home from home. The reach of what was once the British Empire has morphed into the Commonwealth countries, extending to the Caribbean, where the British had ruled for centuries, leaving it’s mark through the Privy Council which various parts of the Caribbean still adhere to today. West Indian citizens had been told through their educational, legal, and political systems for 400 years that they were British. A fact seemingly denied upon independence from and entry into the U.K. during the 1960’s. The British decided that being black and from the Caribbean meant you were not of Britain but something else entirely, “no Blacks, no Irish, no dogs”. And this way of thinking remains to this day as we have seen with last year’s breaking of the Windrush Scandal. Make no mistake, the illegal deporting of Black British citizens had been going on for decades before The Guardian newspaper shed a light on it.

BHM came after the race riots of the beginning of the 1980’s when the black community railed against the overuse by the police of the SUS laws on young black men around the country. In my recollection BHM was a way to build bridges that had been burnt by shining a positive light on the contributions of the UK black community. The recent return of such rudimentary and abusive laws now come in the form of stop and search which has shown, yet again, to disproportionally target the black community… sounds familiar?

My awareness of BHM really came into being as my dance career took off. Cool Britannia was in, as was Suede, the Gallagher Brothers, etc. Soul to Soul, the Young Disciples and Mark Morrison were showing the world that black music didn’t only come from America it was a part of British culture, the MOBO’s were in its infancy and the U.K. perceived itself to be multi-cultural. Everyone was welcome and could be whoever they wanted to be. Britain was in effect was open to all.

My first offers of working on BHM projects came in 2001 at a point of unemployment. Theatres and venues I didn’t know somehow managed to find my details, making enquiries about my availability for October with a view to making collaborations with Black History as a focus. The only downside was there was very little preparation time (enquiries began in August) and not much money. However, I believed it was worth it, considering the opportunity to work with such established organisation could foster new lucrative relationships. I felt at the time the opportunity to work during BHM was a chance for organisations to see the way I worked and witness the success of my projects. They were opportunities that couldn’t be passed up…. or so I thought.

After three years of repeated promises to work in a more sustainable way across the year instead of the one month lead up to BHM and then working across the month for very little money, I decided this particular avenue was like a parasite. BHM was feeding off my very presence. It began to signal to me Whiteness’ attempt to validate its existence by delivering BHM as a means to an end. The idea to working longer term with me would literally disappear into the shadows for the following 10 months without even so much as a thank you for some of the frankly Herculean efforts I was making for such low wages. I know I’m not the only one, this was and is being replicated across the country. At the time, BHM seemed to be nothing more than a way to service the system and give the illusion of a non-existent cohesion. Besides, I was growing tired of the slave narrative that seemed to dominate BHM.

It’s the same slave narrative that keeps being brought up as ‘black history’. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not. It’s history. British history to be exact. 

The slave trade is the history of colonial white European domination inflicted on the world. It’s the story of how the British along with the French, Dutch, Spanish, Portuguese amongst many others fed and gorged themselves until bloated with gout upon the profits made from enforced “free’ labour entwined with the horrors of enslaving millions of africans for centuries, and how the accrued wealth turned turned Britain into a super power, gifting it an empire which ruled over 23% of the world’s population at it’s height. It’s the continuing narrative of how Britain’s educational, legal, political, financial and social systems were aided by the profits of the slave trade, indeed the rise of the industrial revolution could not have happened without the slave trade. None of this is ‘black history’.

The black history I want to understand speaks of kings and queens, education and empire on the African continent, a time before the europeans enslaved Africans on a mass scale. The black history I’ve come to understand speaks of Bussa, Nanny Maroon, the Haitian Revolution, as well as many other uprisings by the enslaved which continued throughout the entire period of the slave trade against the colonisers who refused to see human beings. It speaks of the British Civil Rights movement (not American) with events like the Bristol Bus Boycott, and hear the stories of activists like Olive Morris. This is the black history I want to see. Others agree with me, indeed Jeremy Corbyn’s announcement for Labour’s proposals to change the way Black history is taught in the U.K. shows there is indeed some sort of a will to do things differently. I want to see such history embedded in the British education system. But this I believe will never happen in my lifetime, not least because it disproves the notion of black people being knife-wielding, uneducated, service providers who should be grateful for being here in the UK. And if a black person doesn’t like how they are being treated then they, and I quote “have the means to leave the country’ as Piers Morgan told Dr. Kehinde Andrews. This insipid ‘othering’ is the thing whiteness always does to protect itself. And too many people racialised as white fall into this diatribe with wild abandonment when faced with accusations of racism. I say this with a vague hope that I’ll be proved wrong… although I doubt it.

But, I digress. 

As a black woman, I am constantly called to justify my presence in the U.K. to white people who literally don’t know the history of how the black community came to be in the U.K. Every single day, I’m faced with a continual barrage of micro aggressions, pictures and articles from a media hell bent on demonising people who look like me and constantly triggering of racial trauma. In order to navigate my daily existence, as well as having artistic expertise which is frankly outstanding (you can’t say that as a black woman… yeah, I can) I’ve had to become part historian, psychologist and social scientist simply so I can defend myself against the daily assaults of whiteness. Funny how I feel I have no choice but to become a sort of collector of facts whilst all whiteness needs to question my valid criticisms of the U.K.’s continuous attacks on blackness and the on-going racial injustice in general is a ferocity of opinion. I think it’s fair to say that in the thirty years since BHM came into being, the U.K.’s relationship with the black community has at this point fallen to an all time low. BHM has been become a silo, a mouthpiece to keep black people placated. And given the contexts I’ve given, my thinking is being born out by the facts.

The current and blatant attempts to rebrand BHM to Diversity Month seeks to both service whiteness’ wish to erase black people from the British historical canon and maintain the negative perception of the U.K. black community whilst at the same time, promoting through the back door a heightened sense of whiteness’ diversity as proof that we are ‘all in this together’. From the notion of White Jesus right up to the lack of acknowledgement by the U.K. of the West Indies effort in fighting in the armed forces in both World Wars on behalf of Britain, whiteness merely seeks to maintain itself as top of the food chain. White supremacy has been going on for at least three centuries.

My criticism of BHM is not about denigrating the efforts of the many in the black community who year in, year out are called upon to deliver a programme of work, and depending on where you are in the country, for not much money. Working BHM is a thankless task which is not seen as a very necessary and integral way to celebrating a community whose efforts over the centuries have directly contributed not only to the development of the U.K., but to the world. My criticism is about the response whiteness has to BHM. A response which I feel will always typify how the dominate white culture in the U.K will always see the black community. The systems in place demands there is no alternative to the fake narrative.

BHM to me has become a series of wasted opportunities for discussions around how UK society wishes to view itself in the 21st Century. In my experience, it’s a severely under-resourced month of a string of broken promises. And it serves as yet a further reminder that the system of whiteness will do anything it can to protect itself. U.K. Prime Minister Theresa May’s statement October 2018 about the importance of BHM to U.K. does nothing more than give lip service in a vain attempt to deflect criticism. 

My feeling is it’s time to do away with this farce. In the face of Brexit, Britain needs to face up to and confront it’s colonial past with honesty and bravery. 

I won’t be holding my breath.

[createdbyangels]

Big News!

I wrote a (very long winded) post back in April (mostly for myself) that eventually got into the details of how we got on the path to this big news we have to share.  You can find that here if you desire.

To summarize - the idea of adoption has been on the table for me and James since before we had Corbin.  James was adopted and once we starting dealing with infertility, it became an obvious part of our conversations. We both decided that it was something we’d still like to discuss in the future, even once we were able to get pregnant.  But every time it came up (a few times a year) there was a reason that it wasn’t the right time and it would get tabled.  Finally, last November(ish) we decided it was time to make the decision once and for all.  It was making me super anxious to think about adopting as a “maybe” or a “future” or an “abstract”.  Are we doing this or are we not??  I had a long list of reasons why we probably shouldn’t. 

James had a solution for each issue on my list.  So....we’re doing this?  Now what?  Adoption can be very expensive and there are about a billion different avenues/options/places to start.  But our conversation landed on exploring adoption from the foster care system.  I really wasn’t sure because there was no way my heart could handle foster-anything but I looked up some info for Wake County and found they held an informational meeting once a month. 

And then my back went out. And our dog had just died. And I ended up needing surgery. And even after surgery was worthless for a month. And let’s keep adding reasons why this just isn’t a good idea.  It’s too hard. But (as detailed in my April post), despite all of the things making it hard, it kept feeling like a thing we were supposed to pursue.  So, even though we missed the December and January info meetings, we were going to that Feb meeting - come hell or high water.  And the issues came even the day of the meeting - but we got there.  And spoke to someone with Children’s Home Society and decided that night to start the application process with them.  It was a slow start - and they asked SO.MANY.QUESTIONS.  But we sat and we discussed and I typed and we pulled out old documents and I typed some more and we joined live meetings via my laptop in our bedroom with the door closed while the kids ate dinner, and I typed some more.  Our preliminary application was accepted and we moved on to in person interviews (at their office off Six Forks which may as well be in NY as far as it is from our house), a RIDICULOUS amount of further questions and paperwork and an invitation to the June/July TIPS=MAPP classes since April was full.  So we spent the better part of March/April/May doing things like going down to the jail to be fingerprinted, requesting DMV records, marriage and divorce certificates (WITH SEALS...for them to keep), making doctor appointments ETC ETC ETC x infinity.

I also needed to arrange a very unique childcare situation because our classes were Tuesday and Thursday for 6 weeks from 6pm-9pm at the aforementioned Six Forks office.  James came straight from work (the church) and I came from home where I’d made dinner for everyone (including James...I packed his up and brought it with me), gotten the kids started at the table and prepped everything for bedtime by the time our preplanned sitter arrived at 5:15 so I could race out the door.  It was bonkers but we made it work from June 11-July 16 (and then had one more class on Saturday July 20).  We also took CPR/first aid training, prepped our house for a fire inspection (complete with mounted fire extinguishers upstairs and down, a fire ladder under Corbin’s bed and framed, hand drawn fire escape plans upstairs and down) and kept our life going at the same time.

I need to change gears here for a minute.  When we started these classes, our intent was to adopt a child out of foster care.  I didn’t think for a second my heart could handle fostering a child whom we might “lose” after developing a bond.  But, per the theme of this whole adventure, I’m not in control nor do I have any idea what is best for us or anyone else.  So, during these classes, James and I both realized that foster care is a beautiful and important thing.  As is reunification between a child and his/her biological family.  For a child to come up for adoption in the foster care system, a family has to be broken apart.  Irreparable damage must have been done in order for a child to not be able to return to his/her family.  So as heartbreaking as it would be to say goodbye to a child we’d developed a bond with, how much more heartbreaking would it be for them to not ever be able to return to their family?  So,  throughout our six weeks of classes, our conversations and our intentions shifted.  We are here to become a foster family.  Who will also be a family that has done the necessary work to adopt a child, should the need arise.  And we bought 2 new beds and changed my office into the “new kids room” as our kids like to call it. And bought a minivan (MUCH.TO.MY.CHAGRIN.) to accommodate new little people.

Back to June/July.  Lots of plates - all spinning at once.  But we made it through and on July 27th some incredible friends gathered at our house to help us celebrate the milestone of completing our classes.  They showered us with gift cards to use once we got a placement and prayed with us in the “new kids room”.  The prayer I wrote for that occasion will be at the end of this post. We thought that by September - MAYBE early October, we’d be certified.  But, once again, we hurried up to wait.  And wait. and wait.  Not sure why it took so long but our application was finally submitted for internal review the week of October 28th and sometime that week it was sent to the state for review.  And as of today, 11/18/19, the Driscolls are a licensed foster family in the state of NC for 1 or 2 children.  If 2, they will likely be same-sex siblings as they will share a room.

There is so much more to say but that is the details about this announcement. I’ve been saying for a long time that I feel a strong urge to DO SOMETHING.  To change things.  To be a better version of myself.  And this is us stepping up and doing something.  There are roughly 12,000 children in foster care in NC...IN NORTH CAROLINA.  ONE STATE. And the number of foster homes in NC is a fraction of that number.  So we are stepping out, trusting God’s plan, and opening our home to children who need a safe place to fall during the hardest days of their lives.  And, as with most things people do to help, we will likely gain just as much from these children as they do from us.

So while this part of our journey has reached its conclusion and we are FINALLY LICENSED - the journey itself is just beginning.

Here is the poem I wrote when we prayed over the “new kids room” Lord, bless this room, And those it will hold Send extra care For their tender souls. Catch every tear That falls from their eyes Hear every word They are brave enough to cry Remind them of who You made them to be Strong, smart, wonderful Fearlessly unique Everyone has a story Only You know it complete But for those days our stories intersect Whether many or few Lord help us to be a reflection of You. God bless this room And those it will hold May each day they stay here Make them a bit more bold. We pray they will feel The love You provide And know that they're special In so many eyes Lord bless this room And those it will hold Wrap them up in Your love Please don't ever let go.

[thisislizheather]

August Actions 2019

Words cannot express… the emotions going on inside me right now.

AUTUMN IS A FEW SHORT WEEKS AWAY. This is absolutely the start of the best time of the year because it’s basically autumn eve. That’s how I treat all of early September. Last year I went a little nuts in celebrating every single day of autumn and… I want to go even harder this year. I sort of winged it last year, but this year I’ve already started planning ways to celebrate the best time of the year. I have a problem. I know. But I’ve come to terms with that, so you should too. So let me tell you what went down last month so that we can fully move into the GREATEST, PUREST TIME OF YEAR.

I watched Why Do Fools Fall In Love on Netflix and jesus christ, the dog-being-thrown-out-the-window part? WHY DID NO ONE WARN ME. Will not watch again.

I love a good summer shark/alligator/dumb movie, so we obviously saw Crawl and it was very fun. The dog was the best part. (Are you seeing a pattern here? I’M NOT HARD TO PLEASE, HOLLYWOOD.)

I forced Maya to come to a sunflower farm with me and it was lovely. Why would a person with a bee allergy want to go to such a place? I’m not well.

I rewatched my favourite John Ritter movie Stay Tuned because it’s just something everyone should do once in awhile. Such a weird, perfect movie.

I attempted to read Samantha Irby’s book We Are Never Meeting In Real Life and I just couldn’t get into it, so I stopped. It’s weird ‘cause I really enjoyed Meaty, so I don’t know what happened here. Maybe ‘cause it’s summer and I think I hate reading in the summer? Haven’t picked up a book in months that I wanted to read.

I do not need to be the one who tells you how good hazelnut Kit Kats are, but I guess that’s what I’m doing at the moment - SO GOOD.

I watched part of the new 90210 reboot and ughhhh. It’s awful. In every way. Also, Luke Perry JUST died. They couldn’t have postponed or cancelled this trash?

I watched the first season of Tuca & Bertie and it’s so, so crazy good. Absolutely love it. Thank you to Harmeet for making me watch! I was so skeptical at first, but it’s incredible. So many similarities to Broad City in its goodness.

I went to the CNE with my Mom for the first time is yeeeears and it was so nice.

Above Photo: She did my braids, I can’t do nice braids on myself

Since Restaurant Week is always a big part of my life, I went to Park Avenue Summer for lunch earlier in the month and got the corn bread, corn gnocchi and corn creme brulee. YES, YOU’RE READING THAT RIGHT. Love a fucking cob. It was all very tasty, if not a little too corny (but that’s my fault, let’s be real). I also got the chicken and it was incredible. I’d love to be able to crisp a chicken skin as perfectly as they did.

Absolutely love this short piece about food and getting together with loved ones.

I got a Fanta Apple from the new section at Square One and holy shit, it was delicious.

I saw Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark with Layla and it was so good! I’ll have nightmares from this image.

And now you will too!

I made this hot honey salmon and if salmon weren’t such a disgusting fish, this would be a killer recipe. (And if you actually enjoy salmon, this really is great.)

I finally watched the rest of the new Black Mirror episodes and I stand by my thoughts that the Striking Vipers one was the best one of the season. Smithereens was okay and all, I’ll always love a Topher Grace. The main actor (Andrew Scott) did a great job, too. And the Miley Cyrus one was just okay? I don’t understand why that’s the common favourite of the season. It’s average, at best.

Favourite thing I’ve bought this summer: this jumpsuit with lace from Zara. 

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it before, but I love reading the (monthly?) Grub Street Diet columns from New York Magazine. They profile different (semi-known, sometimes-famous) people and what they eat in the span of a few days. I mostly love it for recommendations of good things to eat around New York, but also I love hearing about what people do for snacks and routine meals.

Someone buy me this Danny Meyer Chocolate Cream Pie. Please.

I watched all of On My Block on Netflix and it’s so, so good (thank you, Marla!). I’m an idiot for not watching it sooner. My favourite character is definitely Jamal, I love the florist with the gnomes, and the musical choices are phenomenal. Such a great show. If you haven’t seen it, I’d describe it as a modern day coming of age story set in South Central LA inspired by The Goonies. SO GOOD.

Did you know that eating tomatoes helps prevent colon cancer? Did not know. I’m forcing Nathan to eat them now, enough of this “I don’t like tomatoes” shit. Not standing for it anymore!

I went to two weddings this month, which were both beautiful. LOVE a wedding.

I tried the seasonal tomato gelato at Il Laboratorio Del Gelato and it was rough. I did taste the corn gelato and that one was actually pretty good, I should’ve gotten that one. This was my first time here and my main thought: it has a horrifying interior. Like if Patrick Bateman ran an ice cream shop.

Lately I’ve started shopping more at small businesses and less at chains. Partially because these places will disappear if I keep doing what I’m doing and I hate that idea. So no more writing/drinking at Starbucks. No more books from Amazon. No more crazy cheap dish soap at Dollar General. No more plants from Home Depot. Enough of this shit!

Nathan and I celebrated our ten year anniversary and went to Vermont (again, haha) and I did a full post on it, so take a look over here if you like. While we were away, we did rewatch the first It (still great), Sleeping With The Enemy (always a favourite of mine) and The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (which is even better than we remembered, SUCH a good movie). Also, if you enjoy Instagram stories of vacations as much as I do, I posted our whole Vermont one on my Instagram. 

This sounds like a broken record, but I did Nathan’s podcast again! We talked about our relationship and why we think it works, etc. etc. Very self-indulgent stuff here, guys.

So you know how I tried and loved that chocolate dessert hummus a few months ago? TRADER JOE’S IS RIPPING IT OFF & has made their own version. For two dollars. Now look, I know companies get ripped off all the time by bigger corporations who steal the idea and make their own… but fuck. This fucking sucks. I first heard and tried dessert hummus because of seeing it on Shark Tank (the company is Delighted By Hummus) and I want to say that they invented the idea, but I can’t say for sure. I hate this.

Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: I’m SO excited to see It: Chapter Two, possibly planning out details for a trip to Salem, finishing up the last of the summer things to do list, I’ve gotta find something new and good to read, there are so many photos that I love from visiting my family/friends this summer so I might do a photo post solely of my favourite ones, finalizing my AUTUMN THINGS TO DO list, and I’d really love to pack away all of my summer clothes at some point this month to make room for the gazillion sweaters I’m waiting to wear.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, go on over here!