#sometimes a show just has to have a bitchy character ya know?

[tstain-is-an-idiot]

Dotty appreciation post bc she doesn't get enough love

[jade-it-queen]

Jade. The fate of female character in Mortal Kombat

It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog cause I’ve been busy with my life and rapid changes in it. During this time, I’ve watched the new 2021 Mortal Kombat movie as well as the new animation Battle of the realms and also rewatched the Story Mode of MK11 a few times. As you probably can tell, I have a lot to say.

JADE. MILEENA. KITANA. SONYA.

Skip this if you don’t want to read my very important (and long as sh*t) rant about female characters in MK.

DISCLAIMER. This thing is going to sound extremely feminist and women-supremacist or whatever. By saying things that I’m going to say, I by no means think that male characters should be weak or lacking. If anything, it would be nice to have some godforsaken EQUALITY. I’ll explain further later.

Part One: Mortal Kombat (2021)

There’s no Jade in this movie. 

The end. That should be the sole reason I dislike it.

However, it might be better this way since the Nitara and Mileena portrayals in this movie are... questionable to say the least. Okay, y’all been robbed. If MY JADE would be brought into this movie to BE THERE for like 4 minutes of screen time only to get absolutely brutal FATALITY I. would. be. pissed.

More than I already am and that means something.

Sure, there’s a possibility that she’s going to be present in some of the upcoming movies because this one is definitely not the only one they’re going to make. But do I want that? Yes. And no.

Mortal Kombat movies (and Mortal Kombat in general) have a problem with women portrayal in general. The target audience for them are MEN, potentially heterosexual men, who want nothing more than bloody gorey fighting scenes with occasional sex scene here and there. To achieve that, they need a female lead, an attractive, kinda kick-assish but not too much, to not overshadow the absolutely badass men characters. Girls tend to be “independent” (because God forbid they’d want to express interest in the male leads before the time is right), sarcastic, laid back and sometimes even bitchy. Because, you see, they are fighters. And they are Sonya Blade. They need NO MAN. They just need plot armor, bigger than America itself. And if they’re not Sonya Blade, they are... non existent. They are there, but they are never really there. Here, let me walk on screen for a couple seconds. Let me sit beside Very Important Male Character (aka Shang Tsung) for a couple of seconds, looking absolutely gorgeous. Let me have a fight scene in which I make choices so f*cking stupid there’s no potential explanation to it. I exist in this movie to make people that love me (this character) to come into theatres in hopes to see some good action and interesting plot.

Now, I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how the world works. It’S bEeN LiKe ThAt FoReVeR, gEt OvEr here iT. Yeah, it’s been like that forever and the result is a mediocre movie that pleases neither the casual viewer, nor the actual Mortal Kombat fan. I don’t know, there might be guys who just saw Kung Lao’s fatality on Nitara, thought to themselves “Neat” and went on with their lives. But I exited the cinema with a sour taste in my mouth, feeling like I’ve watched one of the “fighting genre” films based on video games that had nothing worth remembering. Well, besides Kano. He was my favourite part of this movie and I  normally can’t stand the guy :’D

Would it really help if they changed the way the women were portrayed? I mean - is that the ACTUAL problem of the movie? No, women being the eye candy and barely something else (if they’re not Sonya Blade) are not the only problem it suffers from. It’s that MK has been going the same route, retelling the same goddamn story for the millionth time. It’s always THE SAME. The only thing changing is who’s gonna get brutally killed. But - of course - out of the “disposable” character pool. It’s never Sonya (because you need our female lead or else there would be no female characters in the story), who ya know could be killed by Mileena but magically WASN’T. Because Mileena FOR SOME REASON was like: Ya know what? Naaah. Even though Sonya’s from Earthrealm and is actively trying to stop you. If anything, kill her because she annoys you. BUT NAH. It’s never Liu Kang because he’s the Chosen One. But killing Kung Lao is fine, he can die so Liu can awaken or smth. It’s not the main character because how else can you portray THE MAGIC OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP? Ya, that’s what I thought, don’t even think about it.

You have an amazing universe, filled to the brim with SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. Let go of the same boring plot line and show us Kombat from another perspective. Change something. F*ck, go all feminist route and make a story center around Mileena dominating the world. Try with different versions of the same story, making it center around different character each time. 

SURE, YOU’LL PROBABLY LOSE SOME VIEWERS BUT TIMES ARE CHANGING, AND MOST OF US ARE TIRED TO PAY FOR THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Part Two: Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms

Jesus f*cking Christ.

To say this film was rushed is an understatement. While I was watching it, I was like: TF? Everything happens all at once, we have Kuai Liang-Scorpion story line, we have Outworld’s attack, the tournament, not to mention the final fight that should be whole another movie. I felt like no story line was properly laid out, some of the characters died before I got to even know them and the battles were... disappointing. I believe they needed to push this movie out so they squished in everything they had and just went with it. 

But, again, this movie just repeats the same things as its live action version. Let me lay it down for you:

Kung Lao dies (because yes)

Sonya Blade lives (because yes)

Jade is just there (more of it later)

disposable characters are disposed of

Liu Kang is badass and always wins

You watch it and feel like you’ve already seen it before. Sure, gore is fine, human Raiden is precious and need to be protected at all costs and adrenaline is pumping (I guess).

BUT NOW.

You know what’s coming.

JADE.

JADE.

My f*cking piece of sunshine, the gorgeous goddess of beauty and kombat, the woman who owns my heart.

She’s there for like not even a minute.

Words can’t describe how f*cking PISSED I am by this portrayal. These motherfrickers put her in EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SNIPPET OF THIS MOVIE. HER BATTLE WAS IN THE TRAILER, ONE OF THE SNEAK PEEKS WAS A SCENE OF HER AND KITANA.

TURNS OUT EVERYTHING I SAW BEFORE THE MOVIE WAS RELEASED... WAS EVERYTHING I WAS ABOUT TO SEE OF HER!!!!

THEY MADE ME HYPED UP FOR NOTHING!!!!!!

I know I’m not the only one riding this trolley. Li Mei was there just to be killed. Kung Lao had a f*cking single dialogue line and then BAM, fatality, buh-bye. But I was watching everything of this movie, being so enormously happy that I will finally see Jade in the movies, FINALLY! Only for her to be present in a single scene, get her ass kicked by Liu Kang (what’s new) and then she’s never seen again, even when the whole f*cking world is breaking apart.

Again. She’s just there. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best Shao Kahn’s assassins, gets her ass kicked in fourty seconds. They NEVER let her speak ffs. She just spews some general villanous sh*t and proceeds to step on Johnny. Then, she just goes Observer mode as Kitana “betrays” Shao Kahn, gets tied to the column and then the world is ending. 

WHERE THE F*CK IS SHE?!

If you hype me up for her every chance you get, at least GIVE ME what you’re advertising. This is a scam. This is criminal offense. And homophobic. She is more than a revealing outfit and Liu Kang’s punching bag. I’m SO. F*CKING. TIRED. OF THIS. SH*T.

Kitana. The rebellious princess of Outworld... turned damsel in distress in this movie. Her role is so effing bad it hurts me to my core. You see her as a general being so badass and independent... oh right, we need Liu Kang to save her because he needs to maintain his hero look. And we need two kissing scenes. How do we get there? Oh, right, let him save her, because you know - that’s what makes wahmen kiss you. 

ARE YOU NUTS?!

The movie started just fine, with Kitana being in charge with her right hand, Jade. Then, obviously, they water her down and soon she is a princess in a tower (in this case, princess on a column) that needs her buffy sexy man to save her. Oh, and she can’t resist him - you know, every normal girl’s reaction to getting untied is to kiss a guy you’ve known for like a few hours but seen before and you’ve talked like three dialogue lines in total. Sure.

Kitana just gets the unfortunate role of a female main character. She’s Liu’s love interest and that makes her take the role of a strong (but surface level, only) woman who still needs her hero to free her. Classic damsel in distress story, with Kitana being the princess, Liu being the Prince charming and Shao Kahn as the dragon (lul). Of course, they try to cover this up by making Kitana a general, letting her win a few fights but it won’t matter in the end. Some say that women want to believe in fairy tales but the more I see fighting games’ lore, the more I say it’s the men who want to believe them. 

Is it necessarily bad? No. But it’s boring as fuk.

I would like to ask the directors to stop being so afraid of upsetting the target audience. Target audience can change and sometimes it comes out better than originally planned. My Little Pony was designed as a child’s cartoon but it was the creepy men who made it reach the top. Morally? Questionable at best. But business is booming, right? And that’s what they care for, right?

All I’m trying to say is these days women and gays are the future.

Thank you for today, more to come. I’m going to rant about the Story Mode.

[normal-thoughts-official]

I missed sassy Alec in later seasons. They treated his snark as closeted angst and mostly dropped it once malec were together. Call me caddy but I wanted scenes of magnus and Alec absolutely tearing people apart with their words, bantering back and forth like the acerbic kings they were born to be. We got a bit of it with Lorenzo but I wanted more!

He keeps it up a bit with Simon and there was that forced reconciliation with clary after Alec was possessed, which I hated because she is just the worst and also I would have loved Alec knocking Jace down a peg more often.

Plus, have you noticed that gay characters with attitude are always the effeminate ones? It was nice to see a buff badass be bitchy.

i read "call me caddy" as "call me daddy" and for a second i just. had no idea what was going on

i don't think i had ever noticed before that the gay characters with attitude are always the effeminate ones but you are absolutely right and honestly how did i not notice that before. it makes a lot of sense since "bitch" is seen as mostly a gendered insult and effeminate gay characters are seen as "more queer", which also means "more angry", but their anger and bitchiness is mostly used as a humor resort

but anyway yeah you are absolutely right, the way that they made alec's snark seem as a result of "in the closet angst" was just fucked up because it implied that his very justified anger at everyone's bullshit, entitlement, and homophobia was just him having his own issues to deal with. it almost seems as if clary was right with her "we have real problems" remark, as if dealing with homophobia is a problem of his psyche only, when it's really fucking not lol

like alec not only had the right to be angry but he was 100% right almost 100% of the time when he was arguing with jace and clary (the exception being when he wanted to hand meliorn to the clave. what the fuck even) and by acting as if it was just that he was repressed and Really Angry At Himself/His Situation or whatever and not at their shitty behavior is just fucked up in several ways

plus alec and magnus are bitchy queens and we deserved to see more of that. you can't tell me that most of their conversation when alec "slept over" at magnus' loft was dedicated to talking shit about jace and clary's attitude, because 1- they had just given a full display of their bullshit entitlement in full technicolor for at least a few hours to the both of them; 2- it just seems fitting considering the whole context for both of them; 3- it probably broke both of them out of their shells. let's be real, alec was always drawn to magnus when magnus made fun of the other shadowhunters and their ways because he KNOWS it's bullshit and albeit in a different way since alec is a white shadowhunter and is still very much privileged, he is also affected by their cultural bullshit, and also because he has a lot of repressed anger that he never found any echo in anyone before magnus, much less in such an openly mocking way (that magnus can get away with because he's powerful and a downworlder leader). and on magnus' side, seeing that alec is also seeing the bullshit in their behavior makes him feel more comfortable with the way he is starting to feel about a shadowhunter of all people. plus, alec is very real and unapologetically himself when he's being a bitch, and it was most of what we got to see of the real alec

so like what i am saying is basically that talking shit probably helped break the ice and break them both out of their carefully constructed shells (shallow and vaguely upbeat for magnus, closed off for alec) and express their actual opinions, find their points in common, and be themselves. with the extra bonus points that they totally made each other laugh because they are FUNNY bitchy bastards, building trust because they could express their similar opinions on the others and see that they were mostly on each other's side then (especially with the way alec cleaned magnus' couch and was so attentive towards him and his needs... inspired, talented, spectacular). so like... they were united by bitchiness and that is how a good, strong relationship starts lol /hj

we have a saying in brazil which is that "hatred brings people together faster than love" and i think this is a prime example. hating the same thing shows you have a lot in common. and it just worked for them

so like we deserved to see more of their mutually bitchy dynamics, especially towards the other shadowhunters as they continued to be assholes to them both, and then the mutual snark at lorenzo, etc. plus them making each other laugh <3 letting out well-deserved snarky remarks (cuz i don't think either of them, particularly magnus, is ever "mean" without reason lol. like they might be wrong sometimes - like with alec hating on simon, who was literally the only person who didn't warrant his hatred in that whole situation; i think he was wrong, but i also understand why he was fucking sick of him as he was around enabling clary all the time ya feel) while they pretend to sip wine and making otherwise unpleasant situations such as clave events way more bearable for them both, maybe even enjoyable as it becomes some sort of game. we use the coping mechanisms we can

in short bitch husbands for life

[cloveroctobers]

Opinions on Lottie/Kassam?

LOTTIE/KASSAM

If you asked me about them the first time I played season 2 I (MC) might have said something a little bit shady/bitter because I wanted Kassam to give MC a real chance but like?? Kassam wasn’t having it? Or impressed at all. At least not completely. He was set on Lottie and barely looked at MC or anyone else. The biggest thing we might have gotten was a small smile or glance of acknowledgment from him... Did we get a chance to pick him on our way back to the villa or is it always Arjun or Carl? (That was my gameplay) but that’s not the question!!!

I probably have to go back and download the game again + PLAY a third round? since you guys are being active and want to hear from me 🥺 (and I haven’t played in months/since the last time I did hcs/FACECLAIMs so there’s that!) ANYWAYS back to the point I do think aesthetically?? they’re cute as hell to look at. She’s got the whole goth? Punk? Witch? What are we defining her look as? Lol! Look going for her and then there’s Kassam who’s introverted, the moody or broody DJ guy? It just works on paper. Plus I think he has or either is slightly a emo boy.

Relationship wise? Idk. Lottie’s got a lot of growing to do and she’s shown that she’s capable of doing so towards the mid-end of the show. And I want to believe that it sticks outside of the show. That she wants to be better. I did HCs that eventually it doesn’t work out with Gary and they go their separate ways so I do think she could give it a go with Kassam if it is what he wanted. I think she had a complaint about him before she coupled up with Gary? I can’t remember what it was but it made it seem like it was a factor or possible issue in their relationship. OR it was just an excuse for her to further go forth with her feelings for Gary? Maybe so.

Besides liking the aesthetic of each other, we don’t know much of Kassam. Only by pure assumption and not all introverts are just surface level, we have layers okay?! So I do think Kassam has more to him than what meets the eye and he was drawn to Lottie because she’s always vocal (unless it was Gary, because girl code ya know? She’s a girls girl) and it would seem that she would say what was on her mind, keeping it honest. That’s what Kassam wants, someone to tell him like it is. Yet there is a thing as too vocal. And as introverts it gets exhausting always picking when or when not to retort or say something back. Meaning some people might find that as lacking conversation or back bone but that’s not really it? Lottie is probably one of those people. She can’t stand complete silence all the time.

I feel like Kassam seems unbothered but it’s really a social anxiety thing or having a million things circulating around in his mind but when he does have something to say, he means it and you’re gonna listen to him. Or want to listen, at least.

They have a balance and it works only if they want it to. Only if they find a understanding of each other. What makes them them. Lottie let’s her emotions get the best of her, clouding her judgement a lot of the time and it comes off as bitchy if you’re not following what she wants. She likes being in control and it’s a issue if you don’t let her have it. That’s something she needs to work on and not always be in attack mode. Like I brainstorm, I think she levels out but she’s not going to completely erase her character. She’s got fire elements in her and Kassam is chill. You have to do a lot to make him mad, he’ll be annoyed but mad Kassam is sinister. And he never wants to get to that point. He agreed not to. Ever again.

Lottie likes to push and all Kassam has to do is look at her. Really look at her, as if he’s seeing through her (flaws) to let her know exactly what he’s thinking. It’s weird and it’s got her reading her tea leaves because wtf is that? She never backs down from anyone. And sometimes she’ll push even further to get more than just a deep stare of a reaction and when Kassam actually says something with his words? She still doesn’t like it. It’s common knowledge, Lottie likes to be the dominant one...but is she really? Has she found the one to make her a bit submissive? To soothe her down? The calm to her storm?

There are some hcs that Lottie ultimately ends up with Hannah and anything is possible? I feel like Lottie fits into the Q of the LBGTQIA+ and I would like to see what could happen with her and Kassam. As of right now? I do think it’s a maybe. We didn’t get to see much. I’m not sure if they’ll make it long term but they could??

[spidernerdsblog]

I forgot that you existed : Chapter one

A/N: okay chapter one is here going a little slow with the storyline wanted to add a little bit of details to the lives of the characters. I can guarantee in next chapter our hero will be in full form and not just in flashbacks. Hope you like it. Feedbacks and suggestions are always welcome.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader

 Summary: It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realise you are still not done with each other.

 Warnings: none, flashbacks.

 Mini playlist: love story, ME! By Taylor Swift

We were both young when I first saw you

I close my eyes, and the flashback starts

I'm standing there

On a balcony in summer air

 Sounds of giggles and laughter " No! she is my best friend" Harrison exclaimed pulling you by grabbing your left hand towards him "No she is my best friend!" Tom said, pulling your right hand. You couldn't stop giggling as you were stuck between a tug of war between your two best friends who stated that you can only be best friend to any one of them not both. You were only 5 years old then Tom & Harrison both 3 years older than you but you loved hanging out with them.

Your parents shifted from LA to London for their work and coincidentally your house was in the same neighborhood as were of the boys. You all became friends through your mothers when they used to take you to the park when you were toddlers. You were the only girl of the whole boys gang consisting of Tom, Harrison, Harry and Sam and they were very protective about you. You used to boss them around.

 As Haz and Tom were quarrelling over whose best friend you were in the backyard of the Holland's house. Tom out of nowhere declared "if it's that so Y/N is my girlfriend" and gave a gentle peck on your lips, you stood there in shock and soon you started blushing as you covered your face with your hands and ran inside to your mother who was chatting with Nikki.

 You went up to your mom and asked innocently "Mom, Tom said that I'm his girlfriend and gave me a kissy like you give me every night before bed. Is he no more my best friend ?" Both the mothers started laughing as Nikki spoke  “no peanut he will always be your best friend and if you love bugs stay like this forever maybe he can be your husband too."

 You scrunched your face and said "eww!! I will not marry him"

 “why is that so? " your mother asked laughing

 "he always steals my chocolates" you said innocently “no I don't!! Tom said from behind as he entered the house with Haz, “yes you did yesterday only you took it from my bag at school” both of you now started arguing. Nikki and your mom burst into laughter after hearing it. That was the beginning of your love story.

 Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story baby just say "Yes"

 .........................................................

You loved to listen to songs as it helps to release your stress and this song of yours was very dear to you as it reminded you of some sweet memories. You were scrolling through the photographs that you had taken back when you were living in London together with the boys as you thought about that whole incident, your actual first kiss, you smiled and shook your head at the realization that you both had disappointed your mothers.

 You finally dialled Harrison's number he picked up instantly

 "Hey Y/N!"

 "Hello.. this is 911 what is your emergency?" You chuckled

 "You will never change will ya?"

 "That was the plan actually to never change"

 "Talking to you after a long time man missed your voice so much"

 "Me too Haz.. So how's everything going there?"

 "Yeah everything is fine here just wrapped up my new film."

 "Great!! How are the boys, Nikki and Dom?"

 "They are all fine. Harry is busy with his new film's plot, Sam as usual experimenting with new dishes."

 "An.. and how's he?" You hesitatedly asked

 "He's good too wrapped up Avengers 5 will be returning home tomorrow.

By the way congratulations for the success of your new album to be honest it's a badass album the lyrics are dope."

 You giggled.. "Thanks Haz"

 "So now are you free or still have any upcoming projects?"

 "I can never be free Haz I m always working, always thinking of lyrics for my next song. Leave all that, what was the emergency that you said to call so urgently?"

 "Ummm.. Y/N I want something from you."

"Anything for you Haz"

 "You have to promise me first Y/N that whatever I say you have to say yes"

 "When have I ever said you no anyways just tell me"

 "No! Y/N first promise me"

 "Uggh Okay Haz I promise now spit it out. Sometimes you really act childish." you rolled your eyes.

"I want you to come back home I mean back here at London I have planned a 10 days trip to Cornwall at my beach house which we all used to go every summer when we were kids it's a sort of reunion for the whole gang I have invited Z and Jacob too"

 "Haz you know I only go on Christmas every year to spend time with you guys because that is when I m free. And I'm pretty busy this month. I have a recording to be done next week for my upcoming single."

 "Y/N you promised you will not refuse me. I just want a little time from your busy life.”

 "But Haz…"

 "And also I'm gonna celebrate my 30th birthday there, your man is getting old love."

 "Umm... I don't know what to say Haz I'm confused"

 "If you're thinking about him I can assure you there will be no problem besides he is not single anymore so why worry?"

 That is the problem Haz you said in your mind.

 "Umm okay I'll give it a thought and let you know after confirming the availability of dates." You ended the call and fell back on your bed, your hands and legs spreading across the bed  like a starfish. You face palmed and groaned.

 You went into a deep thought, your brain still processing the whole conversation you had with Harrison. After a few minutes you heard your phone buzzing and you smiled as you looked to see who was calling. It was Zendaya, face timing you. You had seriously wished to talk to someone right now. You have very few close friends in the industry and Zendaya was one of them. You collaborated with her for your bad blood music video and you guys clicked instantly from that day you became really close. She was your 3am BFF and you both knew each other's darkest secrets. You picked up the call.

 "So Haz called you up didn't he?"

 "Bingo!! So what are you thinking?" Zendaya laughed

 "I don't know Z. I just feel scared. I know I have met him a couple of times during my Christmas visits after everything happened  but that was just a one day thing and this whole 10 day trip is freaking me out. I also don't want to disappoint Haz. I missed all of his birthdays for the past few years on purpose just to avoid Tom."

 " You are just over thinking babe everything will be fine and I will be there to cheer up your emotional ass. Besides as much as I know Tom is very chilled out he will not bother you."

 " I don't think so. He has a very cold attitude towards me even now whenever I go back home. "

 After you moved to NY you almost begged your parents to move here and stay with you but they were adamant of staying in London so once in a year you used to visit your family and friends during Christmas. The Christmas Dinner was always hosted by the Holland's after your break up you always panicked to go to their house. The first year when you went. The boys, Nikki, Dom welcomed you as if nothing had happened; they hugged you with joy. But when you went to give Tom a hug he just backed off and out of formality gave you a shoulder hug and you got your hint to stay away. He even brought his new girlfriend for the dinner which you thought he did on purpose to make you jealous or hurt you. And you were actually hurt at the thought that he really moved on so quickly. So you avoided family gatherings to prevent such awkward situations.

  "Babe your life doesn’t revolve around Tom he was a part of your life which is over. Start living your life. And we are in our early 30’s and still single don’t wanna die like that do you ??. Even if you want you can have your sweet little revenge by showing off that hot body on the beach and show that asshole what he missed." Z smirked.

 You quirked your eyebrows “So you're telling me to be a bitchy ex who doesn’t want to see her ex boyfriend happy”

 " Nooo!!! I didn’t mean that just show him how happy you are, that you are one of a kind, he will never find anyone like you in his life. We are gonna have a blast honey and you are coming so start packing."

 You had to finally give in with a deep sigh you said .."okay Z I ll go but if I jump off the cliff after all the mental stress I'm going to get in those 10 days you and Haz will be responsible for it." you laughed.

"Oh we won't want that. Besides you have handled more stressful moments than this you will be fine dramaqueen." Zendaya said.

 You talked to Alex about the whole trip to sort out the dates. He was a little sceptical at first about the whole reunion with ex trip , but he believed in you and gave you a nod for the trip. You informed the good news to Haz of your approval to the whole trip. Before you could leave for your unplanned vacation you had to finish recording and shooting for your new upcoming single featuring Breidon Urie.

 "I promise that you'll never find another like me

I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh

I know I never think before I jump

And you're the kind of guy the ladies want

(And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

I know that I went psycho on the phone

I never leave well enough alone

And trouble's gonna follow where I go

(And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

But one of these things is not like the others

Like a rainbow with all of the colors

Baby doll, when it comes to a lover

I promise that you'll never find another like

Me-e-e, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

I'm the only one of me

Baby, that's the fun of me

Eeh-eeh-eeh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You're the only one of you

Baby, that's the fun of you

And I promise that nobody's gonna love you like me-e-e"..............

 The song was soon officially released by the music company and the audience loved it and your work was done for the moment and now you could focus on the trip. All of a sudden you were really feeling excited about the whole thing. You and Z were constantly texting each other to plan about the journey.

 The day arrived and you met Z at the airport. "So ready for the battle?" she chuckled. You rolled your eyes and laughed "going on a battle would have been much easier compared to this I guess" but in your mind you were confident. Yes you had finally decided that you're ready to face Tom Holland to show him that you have also moved on. And to show him that he'll never find another like you.

 The nine hour flight was uneventful as both you and Z slept most of the time which proved that you both were in dire need of a vacation away from your hectic glamorous lives.

 It was around 5 ‘o’ clock in the morning in London when your plane landed. Both of you collected your check in luggages. Check out was hassle free as it was early morning with few people around and nobody recognised you as both of you were in your hoodies. As you came out of the exit door you started to look amongst the crowd and finally you saw those familiar icy blue eyes approaching towards you.

 “Ah!! Finally the star arrived” Harrison hugged you tight

“And all credit goes to you Z because our star has stopped listening to her best friend may be got someone else to replace me” he hugged zendaya and started laughing

“getting rid of you has been one of the failures of my life" you pouted

 "Ouch!" Harrison dramatically placed his hands on his chest as if hurt.

 "No one can ever replace you from my life you idiot" you lightly punched his arm.

 Harrison chuckled and said with a fake French accent "I m your chauffeur for the day, madame your car awaits at the parking lot."

 After you three put all your luggages in the car. Z and you sat at the back seat and Harrison sat on the driver's seat as he started the car. It was an approximate four hour ride to his beach house.

 " You know Haz I really missed the summer in London so glad I said yes to your plan."

 "The only thing I liked about London when I came for Spiderman:FFH shoot is the Harry Potter museum" Zendaya declared

 You noticed Harrison looked a little off today so you asked "you look a little bit stressed out Haz what's the matter bud?"

 "How do you read my mind so easily?" Harrison sighed.

 "I'm your best friend dumbo now tell me what is the thing that is bothering you so much?" you said with concern in your voice.

 "Okay I need to say you something, just don't be mad Tom will be bringing his fiancee too at the beach house. But don't worry everything will be fine I promise."

 Your face went expression less as you looked at Harrison then to Zendaya. You were starting to panic from inside. You let out a sigh and rolled your eyes as you leaned on Zendaya's shoulder. She rubbed your shoulder to comfort you as you thought in your mind "what a great start to this cursed trip."

..................................................................................

Taglists:If you want to be added send in an ask i will be happy to add you.

@sophs-library

[staysuki]

i m alive

read about 10 chapters of slc continuously and it messed up my brain in ways you cannot imagine because of the many many things going on 😤 i can see myself in jake for ordering a ratatouille for the movie's sake 💀 first of all, i honestly cannot understand why restaurants would go to such lengths to use fancy language in menus 👁️👄👁️ i mean yeah, it s because it s literally what it s called bUt plS i just want to eat my pasta with garlic and olive oil sauce in peace. at least put pictures or a short description :">> i m not rk, idk rk stuff so bear with me 👊

thanks to lovegame anon smort sexc brain, i already expected the wonbi (wonpil & bibi) scandal 😎 but if i were them, i would ve stayed just for the drama 💅 but ig they won t have any proper closure without privacy so eh. the waiter cutting them off is just hilarious lmfao i died there 💀 an innocent man got caught up in the mess but in their defense, homie didn t bother trying to read the mood. dasurv 1/2

my assumptions about lia is so wrong, kinda feel bad for not trusting her, not one bit 😭 instead of a fight between lia and y/n, it s with ryujin. but yeah, that was a bitchy move XD anyways, rip jake s face.

felix touching y/n without consent is weird and creepy af 🚩🚩🚩 i still love him not as much as i do to seungmin though 😌 when he straight up sent a selfie to hyunjin SJFJDSAJFJKDFKJFDKJFDKFKJFADSK NAUR. but hyunjin did really seem 😏thirsty 🥵 sneakily asking for pics 👀 still, bestie sent a pic LMFAO send me one too pls. if hyunjin really had the hots for felix, i wouldn t blame him. THIS IS FELIX WE RE TALKING ABOUT.

who tf is samuel? is it hyunjin s nickname or something? a new character? like THE kim samuel? or hwang s father is so much of an ass that he thought his son is named samuel?

i love seungmin s character here, no one can change my name ugh. oh dbuh lovegame anon approved him na :>> lakas talaga. the tiktok that lovegame anon shared OMGGG NO. seungmin is adorable periodt. no. true, slc really showed his character development omaygad. seungmin king. seungmin lang. seungmin lahat.

regarding the rat, i still don t know who tf lmfao. initially, i suspected jisung. plus the fact that he literally gave away a ticket that could probably serve me a whole year to hyunjin. AND Y/N ,, OMG HE HAS 2 OF THOSE, NOTE THAT. i thought that it s a way to steal hyunjin s art while he s gone and stuff like that ya know. bUT i remember that hyunjin stated that jisung is filthy rich so idk anymore. anyways, i STILL AND WILL FOREVER doubt it d be seungmin. i just feel it. it s not him guys lolololol

🍕 try listening to opm AAAAAAA kiyo, alisson shore. shortone are my :">>> used to listen to them during my sad gurl phase bc why not. the lyrics are in filo but the melody itself is chill so i feel like you ll vibe with it. missed u 👉👈

btw i saw someone with pp hair here idk lol

how are you ash :33 i missed u 2 <3333

- ���

WELCOME BACK 😭♥️ i missed you, hope you're alright and had a great long weekend or smth~ (sorry for the crazy updates and messy plotlines, i swear it'll all fall into place soon 😭)

JSHWJSHS true, i hate restaurants like that too (even though sometimes it's really just a name) i always look for descriptions or pictures too 😭. dw, i'm not rk either, i literally just searched up "fancy french menus" JSHWJSHWH—oh the things i research for fanfiction~

WONBI 💀💀. seungmin isn't chismoso 💔. but yeah, they needed that privacy and final confrontation, and i doubt it'd be comfortable to do with three other outsiders (even though they're all just family). THE WAITER PLS. I REALLY WANTED TO DO THAT BIT 🙈

yah, y'all always sus everyone in this fic, i'm used to it now.

PLS he wasn't asking for one but lmfao 😭 hyunlix ship then mayhaps~ would've been cute if felix isn't straight up backstabbing him— in fact, all of their friend group's interactions are lowkey cute if you don't think about the fact that there's some sneaky shit going on in the background 💔💔💔

p.s. !! samuel is hyunjin's english name irl!! 👁👁 from when he lived in the states for a bit as a child iirc. there's def gonna be some backstory as to why his dad calls him by his english name instead but i think you can already get the gist as to why.

pizza anon still susses out jisung 💀 so who knows, maybe one of y'all is right. YEAH HE'S FILTHY RICH, that's the newest jisung revelation, and he's so humble about it too, kinda, idk. like, according to jae's research, that's almost 20k dollars just for two people to look at "drawings in walls"— which, in our currency, is almost one million pesos 🥵🥵🥵🥵 bruh. this is some real rich rich people shit (p.s. i didn't mean to make it THAT expensive, i was just dumb LMFAO). also not your seungmin bias showing, there's still a chance it's him yk 😭

also for the record, the bangs already grew out, i don't have pp hair anymore 🤨🤨🤨, besides, i keep my hair tied up here cuz its so HoT pls.

i'm good uwu, glad to be back home~ we're in the same timezone na yehey, hope you're good too! glad you're able to send asks again, i missed ur wild thoughts 😙

[imagine-loki]

The Naughty Poltergeist

TITLE :The Naughty Poltergeist

CHAPTER: #1 of ?

AUTHOR'S: lokilover9 & velvetzybanshee

RATING: M

NOTES: This one shot is based on Loki having paid penance for ruining Thor's coronation. He never fell from the bifrost, nor attacked earth and is now free. Not to discount his true history, we just thought he deserved some happy. As for Felipe, he's based on the Spanish character Agador Spartacus, from the movie  The Birdcage and speaks in broken english. 

EXTRAS: Madre = mother  niña = girlfriend  panocha = pussy

Original Imagine  

Imagine thinking your new house is haunted. No one knows Loki lives there because he's always invisible and conjures furniture as needed. Disgruntled by your presence, he behaves like a poltergeist until one day you've had enough."I'm not leaving! Show yourself dammit!" Nothing happens for days and you think he's gone. Then while giving friends a tour, you find him naked on your bed drinking whiskey. "Cheers, darling. You did say show myself." Only you can see him and he follows you around like that for the remainder of their visit.

Loki was content residing on Midgard. With Thor King of Asgard remaining heavily influenced by Odin, he felt displaced as ever and decided to travel abroad. It was aloud providing he didn't hide from Heimdall and returned were the realm threatened, but that didn't mean he behaved. Midgard's continents teamed with beautiful maidens and Loki spent months at a time seducing them across the globe. Yet an introvert by nature, the constant socializing became exhausting. He needed intervals of solitude to rejuvenate his mind and cock. Indecisive of where, he conjured a world map, closed his eyes and randomly chose a location. 

First attempt. "A Frost Giant in the Amazon? I think not." 

Second. "Middle of the Bermuda Triangle? Know enough aliens already, thank you." 

Third. "Inside and active volcano? Fenrir's arsehole." He scoffed. 

Fourth. "Very well. Maine it is." 

The god settled in a vacant Victorian evicting its two following buyers with  'ghostly' shenanigans. Yet to the king of this miniature palace's annoyance the next didn't frighten so easily. 

Alexis was proud having bought her own house after a long divorce. Closer to friends and hours from meddling family, she'd thought herself free of troubles until sensing the place haunted. While unpacking, items started going missing and resurfacing in different places like her keys, clothing and once her vibrator after an evening of ménage à moi, disturbingly appeared in her dishwasher the next morning. Doors would slam, electricity short circuited, faucets unexpectedly ran, but most disconcerting was a voice randomly whispering 'mine' into her ear. Whether in the shower, her yard, doorways, the ghost didn't care. Alexis burned sage, had the house blessed, held a seance with a local paranormal group, but nothing helped. When returning after a long day at work to find half the main floor repacked, she angrily shouted into the air. 

"Ha ha, trickster! You don't scare me and I am 'not' leaving!" She held up a large envelope. "This is 'my' crib and here's the deed to prove it. Show yourself dammit!" Nothing happened so she put everything back, showered, grabbed her vibrator and stormed into the upstairs corridor. "And one more thing! See this? Touch it again and I'll summon your ass with a ouija board and douse you in holy water!" 

Loki inwardly chuckled. 'I'll be sure to bring a towel.' When she fell asleep reading in bed, he snuck a peek at what had intrigued her. 'Smutty fanfiction? Tisk, darling. Who could your heartthrob be? The name sounded familiar so he googled it. 'Ah, the actor from Crimson Peak. Good movie, but I'm much better looking. 'A wicked grin curled his lips when she moaned Tom's name. 'Maybe I need to play a little 'dirtier.'

With the next several days uneventful, Alexis thought she'd frightened the ghost off when in reality he was buying time. Since moving her in friends offered extra hands in their free time, but it was her befriended neighbor, a single gay man with a flamboyant, funloving personality who'd helped the most. They met one afternoon when she peered over his fence to complain about blaring Salsa music as he hosted a pool party. Felipe was sunbathing in a yellow thong, wearing sunglasses with enough bling to impress Liberace and choked on a shot of tequila when she whipped a pebble at his head. He invited her over with a promise to adorn shorts, they hit it off and became besties. 

Alexis planned to have other friends over for dinner one month after moving in, but with all the goings on had postponed twice. Now with a set date, Felipe was invited too and asked what she planned to cook.

"Who said anything about cooking? I suck at it Amigo and prefer no one hurling on my lawn." 

She waved a take out menu and he dramatically gasped. "Chinese food for eight people? Where you gonna put up you blow job booth to pay the mortgage after?"

Alexis smirked. "You're such a slut, Felipe."

He shrugged. "Happy whoopie stick makes a happy me."

"I think I've forgotten what they look like." 

"I show you mine, but no touchy touchy." She laughed, knowing he was kidding. "Too long without sex causes brain damage, niña. How long its been for you?" 

"Since my ex and I separated nineteen months ago."

"Ay dios mio. I lend you my Dustbuster for the cobwebs down there."

"Not funny, Felipe." 

"See. Abstinence makes everyone bitchy. My sister Maritza too. She was happy single before becoming a nun. Now she's Oscar the grouch with eyes like the chucky doll."

"How come you can pronounce words like 'abstinence' and 'cock' so well yet not others?" Alexis teased.

"Don't make me spank you. Come, we go shopping."

"For what?"

"I help you cook. We stay home and talk about cock, mine will curse me in Spanish. He's lonely too."

Alexis slipped on footwear. 

"Why you wearing those?" Asked Felipe.

"What's wrong with flip flops?" 

He stepped onto the porch. "You need something sexier, like bitch boots."

"It's ninety degrees in the shade today."

"So?"

Loki sighed when the door closed, relieved for some peace. He thought Felipe annoying enough as a neighbor yet worse as a guest who never stopped talking. So much so, he'd pondered concocting a tongue numbing spell, sneaking into his house and applying a heavy dose while he slept. But knowing his flair for drama, he'd run panicked to Alexis in the Boo from Monsters Inc. robe worn onto his deck every morning, carrying a note pleading to stay and until recovering, would hysterically sob each time he couldn't sing along to one of the show tunes on his phone. Loki opted to tolerate him for now. He'd be gone once Alexis left. 

The day of feasting came and while she handled finishing touches around the house, Felipe prepared guacamole dip and ingredients for fajitas while mixing margaritas. Hearing music, Alexis snuck to the kitchen and started recording him singing to Bad Girl, by Donna Summer while dancing like a hussy. 

"Toot toot, hey, beep beep

Toot toot, hey, beep beep

Hey mister, have you got a dime?

Hey mister, do you want to spend some time, ooh yeah

I got what you want, you got what I need

I’ll be your baby, come and spend it on me…"

He startled when noticing her.  "Girlfrien', you post that on social media, I kill you."

Alexis propped her phone on the counter and joined in wildly shaking her chest. 

Felipe tried the same. "No fair. I need big titties like yours to jiggle. Next time I bring tangerines and a bra."

Loki secretly watched on. 'Fucknuts.'

The three couples soon arrived. One, old neighbors of Alexis, Blake and Deidre, the others, her friends, Sage, Lisa and their newest flames Colby and Grant. She started a tour on the main floor then the upper leaving her bedroom for last. Excited to show it off, she was already opening the door as they shuffled out of the second.

"And this is my creme de la...eep!" She quietly squeaked once inside.

The resident spookster sat perched against her headboard sporting only what the Norn's delivered him to the universe in and winked pouring himself a whiskey. "You did say show myself, yes?"

She hurried out, slammed the door and her friends froze on approach. "Erm..wouldn't ya know I forgot to make my bed. Anyone for a drink?" 

Alexis passed them for the stairs and cringed when Deidre spoke. She was nice enough, but sometimes persistent when it wasn't welcome. "Nonsense, friends don't care. Right everyone?" 

Alexis continued down. "Enter at your risk then." 

Felipe watched her rush by into the pantry, close the door, followed and closed it too. "What you are doing?" 

"I can't go back out there."

"Why?" 

"He's upstairs naked on my bed." She anxiously whispered. 

"Which boyfriend? I take up the wooden spoon."

"No, the fucking ghost!" 

"It's a man? Is he hot and what do I tell your peeps? You afraid to come out of the closet?"

"Felipe!" 

"Sorry, it's the margaritas."

"I thought you the one person who believed my stories."

He eyed her sympathetically. "I do. You want I go bribe him to leave with a mcsqeezy?"

"Will you be serious? Ghosts aren't supposed to be naked. One look at him and everyone will think I invited them for an orgy." 

Blake and Grant came down first catching bits of their conversation and quietly conversed. 

"Can't believe she's still imagining this ghost." Blake wise cracked. "I always told Deidre she had a screw loose."

"Nah." Said Grant. "Lexi's a smart cookie. Sounds more like she needs a man. There's one inside with her. Maybe they'll shag, knock some shit off shelves." 

Felipe stuck his head out the door. "You not so quiet, cumquats. I gay. You want I show you my jolly green giant and shag 'you' inside against the creamed corn?"

Loki rubbed the back of his neck. 'I sacrificed prowling beaches of the French Riviera for this?'

Hearing the ladies coming, Alexis approached Blake and quietly inquired. "Still peeing in your wife's pond at night, murdering her koy? I'd see you through my bedroom blinds. Who's a few cans short of a six pack?" 

"Oooh snap." Said Felipe. 

Grant nudged the arse. "Let's chill in the dining room. There's a makeshift bar and appetizers."

The ladies entered the kitchen. "Who's a nincompoop?" Asked Deidre.

Felipe almost answered but pursed his lips together when Alexis loudly cleared her throat. "You know, just my ex."

"He sure is, honey." 

"Your bed's made, girl." Said Sage. "The room looks great." 

They all agreed passing through while thirty year old Lisa's younger boyfriend lingered. "Pretty awesome digs ya got here."

"Thanks." Replied Alexis.

Colby slid his hands into his pockets. "Soo..Lisa says you think it's haunted."

"Yep."

He spaced out for a second, staring at the floor. "I once thought a bat in our house was my dead uncle Howie haunting my parents for selling his mannequin of Vlad the Impaler. But hey, sometimes weird shit happens when you're stoned right?" Alexis and Felipe were saved when Lisa called him. "She misses me already. Laters." 

"He looks fresh from his madres panocha." Commented Felipe.

"That's the way Lisa likes them. Says the younger they are, the easier it is to train them."

Loki rolled his eyes. 'Age is irrelevant.'

Felipe feigned fright by playfully biting his nails. "She bad. Maybe Colby wear a leash and bark like a good doggy for her?" He goofily imitated one in a deep voice. "Woof, woof..woof. Or maybe he sound like an angry chihuahua?"

Alexis smirked. "I have my own problems. A streaking phantom who now makes unexpected appearances."

Felipe gave her a margarita. "Cheers. These make everything better." 

Alexis gulped down the beverage as he watched with raised brows. "Thanks. Next time that streaker appears, I'll just ignore him."

"Next time I give you smaller glass. Go enjoy you friends, niña"

She gave a thumbs up on her way out. "I got this. Easy peasy right?"

Loki mischievously grinned. 'Darling, I'm just getting started.

[benisalilbitch]

for the tw3 rating game: triss and/or keira?

Thank you!! Here you go with two very hot sorceresses

Triss Merigold

I hate her. I'm very sorry but it's the truth... Will still bang because I'm not blind and I have needs. 13/10

I'm sorry for being so harsh but I just dont like her. I will still rate her fairly because I'm a bisexual mess and my horny ass will still fuck this very hot sorceress. Now that that's out of the way, I will proceed to give Triss as much love as I can.

I do have a thing for redheads, you can ask my bae Olgierd. I don't understand her hairstyle very much, but damn doesn't she look hot in it? Triss is a very powerful sorceress and I do wonder what would be like to fuck with someone who has magic and even more someone as hot as her. Triss strikes me as more of a sub and I don't really think of myself as a dominant person in a relationship (maybe why we don't vibe... and she's also a bitch), so I know we just wouldn't work out, but we can still have hate sex and I wouldn't mind a single bit.

If you're into that though... Oh boy, do I have good news for you. Triss is definitely a people pleaser and if you manage to get in bed with her, you're in for a treat. She also seems like a very fun drunk and I'm very into that. I'm a fun drunk myself and I know we would just have a lot of fun in and outside the bedroom.

I'm also a huge fan of how she dresses because of two very important things... Her color scheme and the type of clothes she wears (her boobs). As I've mentioned before, I love people who know how to dress and Triss isn't the exception. Her clothes suit her a lot and she looks damn fine in a cloak. Anyone with a cloak gets bonus hot points from me. I don't particularly like her voice, but I know she indeed has a very nice voice, just not my type. Also, that power play when she makes fire balls rain? Hot as fuck (hehe). Love me some powerful women because I'm a slut for them.

I'm not saying I wouldn't mind if Triss wants to hit me up sometime so we can fuck or something... But I totally wouldn't mind. I'd just have to make sure to bring some wine first.

Keira Metz

She is so much fun, very classy and so bitchy. I love her. Would bang 13.5/10

Let's start by stating the obvious. If you don't like Keira's outfit, you're a hoe and you need to go back to your boring closet. Huge fan of women (and men) with cleavage. Keira is just so sarcastic, but also very smart and powerful. She was a lot of help in that surprise Wild Hunt mission that I died like 10 times in. Gavella glan or whatever, after you hear that 100 times, it just won't leave your head.

Keira is a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it. She made it pretty clear with our thot Geralt by making him a gigolo when he claimed he wasn't. What a slut, am I right? I definitely wasn't expecting a full nude Keira that was moaning like a porn star, but I'm not complaining at all.

She's also such a little shit. After fucking/tricking Geralt she stole his shoes (I know it's a mf glitch, but let me believe she's just petty like that) and I died. I vibe so hard with her because I, too, would have stolen something from the very hot man I just fucked. It was funny af watching Geralt run around shoeless.

My girl is also very soft and vulnerable, we also see that side of her when she fears for her life and has nowhere to go. Luckily, I invited her to Kaer Morhen to come with me so we could have some fun. Keira is definitely a sorceress you don't want to mess with. I would also gladly have a fairy tale dinner with her and some very hot sex under the stars because I'm romantic like that

I also digged that she was getting dolled up before fighting The Wild Hunt because you obviously need to look sexy af if you're gonna be fighting bad guys (and are gonna meet your future husband, which I totally ship). Yas, queen! Kill them with your hottness and show them who's boss.

Keira is one hot blonde and she is my princess now. I will make sure to provide romantic dinners for her whenever she wants and endless sex under the moonlight.

Send me The Witcher 3 characters and I'll rate them along with my thot thoughts.

[sixmorningsafter]

An Apology Letter, SMA Love Letter, & Gabi Appreciation Letter

Let me begin this review by apologizing. Not just for waiting almost a year to review this insanely awesome chapter (don’t even tell me I don’t have to; I’ll drive up state just to take you by the shoulders and shake you and that silly thought out of your head; it is an honor and privilege to tell you how awesome you are!), but also for the tone of this review feeling so haggard. 2018 was, as Damon told Kai, “not a good look”, and I feel like it’s digested all the gall and sass and shit-starting energy I usually dole out for these reviews, so here I am, a regurgitation, still holding to the fact that you’re a fabulous writer who deserves all the praise I can possibly muster for your efforts. Despite having a life (or not, considering, ya know, med school), you still post on this page; you’re clearly still carrying the headcanons and the plot and the characters with you. I know the feeling of having the desire to write but feeling too tired, physically and emotionally, or disinterested or unmotivated, or whatever so I can’t even sit in your inbox like “hey love sma! You write soooo good. You’re awesome! and uh when are you gonna update?” Of course, I’d love an update, but I also know you. You want to put out your best work, what you’re at least 95% proud of, and it’s so obvious in Chapter 17.

Side note: I reread Chapter 16 and my review to give myself context and bolster some pizazz just for you.

REPLY: Let me begin my response to this review by apologizing for MY TEARS. Cass, you’re just an absolute light in this bitchy eclipse of a world and your ridiculous kindness radiates off every sassy, stubborn, talented, vulnerable, open-hearted part of you and I’m so, so happy I get to call you a friend. The fact that you took the time to write all of this despite your ridiculously busy, full, grad student, WEDDING-PLANNING (at the time) life, largely because you knew it’d put an idiotic smile on my face? You’re just a gem of a human being. I don’t know what else to say. I’m trying to keep my responses as succinct as possible because I’m so eager to post this and share your insights and writing with everyone else, partly because they always make me and my dumb writing look smarter than it actually is, but mostly because it’s a crime to keep it from the world. Anyway, onward and upward:

Bamon + Kai + the Pig Cadaver

To remind the audience, Bamon had a pretty petty and deep-cutting fight last chapter; Damon got over himself, with the help of Kai (kinda), and now Bamon are on better terms. That being said, these two dumbies are so… nerve-wrackingly good at detaching themselves from conflict. Like, I feel like Steroline would have put up walls and ruminated hard on something as harsh as Damon’s mention of Bonnie’s shitty life, but Bamon are King and Queen of sweeping the bad shit under the rug.

REPLY: I think it’s so cool that you point that out because it made me realize that’s one of my favorite things about writing Bonnie and Damon: they’re ability to both deliver and take hits. They’ve both gone through some really dark, messed up stuff - the kind of stuff people with more traditional upbringings tend to tiptoe around because they don’t know how to talk about it - so it’s almost like to be accepted in their entirety, they need to be around people who are unafraid of that stuff. Unafraid to go there. Unafraid to bring it up, unafraid to cross lines sometimes, unafraid to make jokes about messed up experiences and accept them about each other without flinching. I think they can recover quickly from those kind of blows from each other because in a weird way, at least they’re being acknowledged. At least someone’s talking about it without getting that wincing, deer-in-the-headlights look and acting like it’s a forbidden topic. Obviously in the last chapter, Damon took it too far and was trying to actively alienate her with his comments, but in general I really enjoy writing their budding sense of familiarity with each other. Anyway, good thing I’m being succinct right the review hasn’t even really started GOOD LORD.

Damon jolting Bonnie like she’s being electrocuted is so unbearably cute to me. So domestic. So friendly but also playful but also coupley… I’m dead.

“Wow, you’re really going full nerd.”/”Oh… you sweet summer child, you haven’t even begun to see full nerd.” In my previous review, I (demanded) mentioned wanting more nerd!Bonnie, and you delivered. What an honor, truly.

“It was like he’d [Kai] never left, except now he was surrounded by a bunch of wires and a mini Tesla coil.” I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but I think it’s so funny and silly that you embedded some serious sci-fi shit in this romcom fic. Like, we’re really out here, considering is Kai an alien? Can Kai really teleport or “dissolve in and out of the time-space continuum as he pleases”? He’s not just creepy or socially inept. He’s also fucking extraterrestrial.

lmfao in chapter 16 or 15 or whichever it was where they explored Kai’s apartment while he went swan-hunting, I had to make a choice about whether to keep things semi-realistic or just go balls-to-the-wall cray re: Kai and I think we all know which route I decided to take 😂

“Still, it was a surprisingly appealing thought, the idea of having some kind of effect on him.”/ “Snagging the unsnaggable.”/ “Ruffling the unruffable.” We out here, making up words and shit; my Word doc spell-check is having a field day. But her observation about having dealt with guarded people kind of relates to what I was tryna say earlier on: both Damon and herself are very guarded, and her ability to see that nothing truly sticks to him is reflective of that same for her.

“It was like he was coated in oil, like his entire personality was adapted to glide through life without ever catching on anything around him.” / “Even the good things.” Talk about knife to the gut (why yes, this is a reference to the future Steroline conversation, which I am using to demonstrate how fucking enamored I am by this understanding of Damon’s character). I feel like Damon started as the kid thinking “if things are good, then something bad is gonna happen” to “good? bad? what are those and, more importantly, who fucking cares?”

Just another day of Cass making me feel like a far better writer than I am because she always gets exactly what I’m going for and then explains it better than I do. That’s precisely his trajectory, man. He went from a kid with no control of his own life, constantly bracing for impact, to a kid who realized nothing can control if you don’t give a fuck. If good things don’t make you happy and bad things don’t make you sad, you’re always at equilibrium. You’re always at a steady-state. And most importantly, you’re at a steady-state that no outside factor controls.

“Maybe the oil coat went more than skin-deep.” Foreshadowing! I like this conversation a lot though. Insight about Bonnie’s past (another gracious gift promised last review, thank you SMA goddess for such a blessing) and her PTSD and embarrassment about the shit show that is her parents.

Bonnie’s “I wish I could turn it off like that.” Speaking of shit shows, nice nod to canon.

😂😂😂

“Was that—vulnerability?” Yes baby, revel in it! Idk if you did this on purpose, but it’s like Damon is leaning into his previous realization of her cracking his “varnish” (just realizing his description of a glossy seal is an almost visual parallel to Bonnie’s description of him being slick with oil (I’m thinking like petroleum)… anyways). Like, “she’s already seen me lose my fucking mind in the cellar, being a little vulnerable about it won’t hurt, right?” I mean, yes, but also, Bonnie is a shit-starter too, babe.

“Were those—emotions?” / “I hate knowing you.” / “Are you okay? Do you need some water?” and later paired with “How does it feel to be a human being?” / “Stupid.” / “That means you’re doing it right.”

You know how I feel about Kai’s “Friends!” He is so weird, and I love it, but I’m also afraid that I love it. Thanks!

Yeeeesssss, I wanted to show him slowly starting to adjust to the fact that she’s seen things. Him.  And you know what, here they are anyway. The world’s still spinning. She’s still being her weirdo competitive self. So maybe it’s not the worst thing to have (albeit accidentally) let someone in a little. A big motivation for me re: Bamon in this chapter was getting them to the point where they eased into being comfortable sharing things with each other. Not everything, obviously, but way more than they share with the average person. Kind of like a ‘well we’re stuck in this ridiculous situation and we’re unexpectedly more alike than we think so maybe we just lean in a little’. So I’m really glad that’s what you got out of this, WOOT.

Kai’s everyone’s friendly neighborhood son/serial killer and I think it’s best to just let yourself adore him and hope for a minimal body count. 

The Matt Talk

I think I already told you I was so emotionally distraught this chapter. If you’re new to SMA, hi I’m Cassandra and I’m always an emotional mess when it comes to Gabi’s writing. But, this was some next level shit. You’ve said so many times you’re worried about how these emotional scenes go, but like fuck dude. You went hard, and it was so difficult for me not to be actually crying. Idk, I’ve never been in Caroline’s situation or known anyone to go through this, but the whole injustice of it, you know? The possibility that any woman could be going through this or has gone through this. I’m not belittling the men who have been abused in their relationships, of course. What I am saying is if I am taking this personally, having never experienced it, but as a female, knowing this could very well happen, that means your writing is fucking spot on.

Full-disclosure, your entire breakdown of this scene is just the most beyond fantastic thing that I don’t even want to break it up with shitty responses. I’m pretty sure reading your insights about it affected me more than the entire multi-week process of actually writing it, so idk how you did that but here we are. For the millionth time, your responses are the only reason I think maybe all my fumbling and exasperated editing is somehow producing something half-okay. I’m dying whale noises. Bye.

Setting the scene up with Steroline in the tub, for being their poetic selves tryna be symmetrical in their emotional moments and emphasizing how thick the silence around them is… oof dude. I know you have that “movie” mentality when you write, and idk how you fucking do it, but it definitely translates. Idk if you’ve ever been in a moment like this, where you need to say something of Importance to someone of Importance, but your voice has just gone on vacation for a minute, and you’re sitting there with an empty tongue, and, in my experience, the person tries to prompt you about what you’re trying to say, but I’ve been in moments like this. So, this set up was so poignant for me. Luckily, she’s talking to Stefan, the boy who listens to even Rebekah earnestly and wholeheartedly.

Caroline’s Gazania daisies metaphor: shit breaks my heart. How long did she think about this? The metaphor is like… a detachment. Like, how light bends in water. Her story is the light, the flower metaphor is the water, allowing the story to refract, to be that much more removed from the reality.

“A flicker of intimacy based not on things they’d experienced together, but rather things they’d experienced apart.” I think it loops back to Bamon too, whether neither are eloquent enough to make that seamless connection. I think that should be the tag line of each ship; these very different people are tied to one another by feeling what they’ve felt and relating it back to what the other(s) has (have) felt.

I think you’ve very skillfully woven canon and SMA for Matt’s story. TVD made him the human golden boy, and SMA has him resentful and dark… and it just goes to show how environment can really shape a character’s outcome. tvd!Matt saw the supernatural as the reason his life was so shitty and suddenly had a purpose; sma!Matt didn’t have that scapegoat, so without rhyme or reason for his shitty circumstance, he fabricated that it was somehow Caroline.

Fucker.

“Senior year was kind of a train wreck” to “We were still okay, though. Still us.” Rereading this part made me seriously think of like… a slingshot. Like, all of this is just leading up to the snap and the release of Matt’s true colors. And how devastatingly it was that Caroline didn’t know, honestly couldn’t know, that it was going to happen.

Shit like Matt being mad at Caroline for proudly blurting out she got accepted into NYU when Vicky had just OD’ed is so fucked up to me. To be actually mad about it. Bro, stay mad about it. But that’s the point, isn’t it? That this was the final straw for him, the last thing to tip him into batshit abusive fuck mode.

As a therapist, I could easily say, he is clearly shaped by his circumstances, he didn’t have enough support or self-esteem to fully develop the core values and strengths that he needed to not become this abusive piece of shit, that there might be some self-awareness by the way he tries to remedy a bad fight with a great breakfast (or a learned behavior to get approval again). Even if I do consider those things, irl and even with Matt, it’s in no way condonable, and I don’t think I could ever be able move from this point of view.

“She’d lived like that for months, a blur of turtlenecks and concealer, of overbright smiles and obsessive thoughts, of guilt and blame and normalizing the abnormal, of questioning if what she thought was happening was actually happening.” / “Could actually be happening.” Just reading this summarizes all the females who are in relationships like this, who question whether their partners’ could actually be raping them… ugh. It breaks my heart even now, writing this review.

(Honestly, I had to step away and resume the next day)

Caroline’s comeback: “He was staring at the old Caroline. The one he hadn’t broken in. The one that ran on gall and instincts, that didn’t dim herself for anyone, that’d jump in front of a bus for the people she loved… She’d grown back into her skin. Unshrunken till she was towering over him, a bright, brilliant light staring down at a meager lick of flames.” This whole bit was so good, so relieving, so satisfying. I know what Matt did still haunts her, but Caroline coming back and reclaiming who she is, even to present time, is so, so satisfying.

“Let’s be real, though, Bonnie could probably beat us both up.” / “Definitely.” – these were my thoughts when Caroline was defending her lol.

The Universe Speech: ilysm but also fuck you for being so good at this lol. I am so mad at how good you are at this, and you’re kinda like shruggy shoulders, I’m-just-trying-my-best. Get your humble ass out of here. “I think you’re a universe. I think you’re full of suns—and comets and black holes and everything in between. And when one sun burns out, you’ll just flare into a million more, unapologetic and infinite, because nothing… not pain, not heartbreak, not even the entire exec board of Emory apparently, can stop a universe from expanding.”

And Caroline immediately clicking with the metaphor? (rewriting her Gazania metaphor story I hope) And she runs with it like, “It couldn’t help but make her feel like maybe she hadn’t lost anything. /  Maybe she’d just outgrown it.” and “An infinite, chaotic expanse of dazzling light and annihilating dark… capable of anything but responsible for nothing outside of stretching out toward an invisible horizon fiercely, constantly, even in the face of billions of years of gravity pulling her back”. THIS IS MY SHIT DUDE. First off, this visual representation of a person is so beautiful and inspiring and so full of grace and forgiving, you know what I mean? It just shouts volumes to how okay it is to fail sometimes or to feel Feelings, and how it shouldn’t and couldn’t be used against her. It’s literally the expanded and improved version of “reach for the stars” – more like be the universe, among the stars, and reach for the unknown. BIG OOF.

“I can’t possibly follow that up with my dumb Elena drama” / “Hey, not a competition.” – someone recently quoted someone else to me, saying It’s not the suffering Olympics, and it’s resonated with me so hard, dude.

Steroline throwing back things the others have said, Stefan’s “Whatever nice thing you feel like you have to say, it’s okay” and Caroline’s “You can’t escape me! / I’m unapologetic and infinite!”

I don’t remember if its this chapter or last, but Stefan indulging in Caroline’s playful side, and Caroline recognizing Stefan’s sassypants is by far my favorite Steroline Thing ™ in this story. Parallelly, Bonnie’s Damon-ain’t-shit attitude, and Damon’s she’s-more-than-I-anticipated revelation is my favorite Bamon Thing ™.

I am overwhelm-sion. 

I am aegoifhjaeoeagidhy.

That scene took me weeks of editing to get in a remotely publishable place and even then I was like WELP SURE HOPE THIS ISN’T OFFENSIVE FLAMING GARBAGE LOL ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT *POST* so. Needless to say. This response means el mundo. I am in full turtle.

But real quick, exiting emotional turtle stance to say that I feel like you and I have always been super in sync about liking writing that celebrates messiness and imperfections and humanity in all it’s mistake-ridden earnestness so I’m not surprised you liked the universe metaphor as much as I did. Fuck suns and their one-dimensional asses. We stan universes in this bitch. Asteroids. Supernovas. Blow some things up. Crash into some planets. Sink into some really deep darknesses. It’s okay. There will always be bright, brilliant stars all around you, too. 

Bamon, Kai, Bonnie’s Feral Sweet Tooth, and The Food Fight

Speak of the devil: “She shook her head, lips curling into a droll ‘get over yourself’ of a smile, and for some reason, something about the look stuck out to him a bit.” AND, MY FAV: “For some reason, he liked it.” YES YES YES YES.

He’s hopeless.

The “Love It” arc (why yes I did use that word very specifically to refer to the sassy snap). On a tangent, Kai on Twitter, Kai on Pinterest… for an alien, he’s very adaptive.

He’s got his entire home planet hooked on snapchat. 

Oh, here it is again: “Now that he knew what a genuine fucking weirdo she was, he was a little curious about what she’d actually been thinking.” I know fluffy moments such as Never Have I Ever (before shit hit the fan) are most likely over, but if they were to return, I suggest Truth or Dare, and Damon asks Bonnie what she thought of him when he’d met Caroline (and her) at that club. Listen, both Damon and I want to know. I’m not saying make it happen, but I am.

There’s another dinner coming for their last snowed in night because I’m nothing if not repetitive and I think Truth or Dare is a trope I can definitely work in. I mean, I wouldn’t want it to feel left out given that I’ve used every other fanfic trope known to mankind.

“Wow!” Bonnie exclaimed, leaning forward to peer at the uncanny cake topper with a bewildered look. He even got her one earring right. – I’m cryinggg

He’s special.

“Can we just… go through what all of these heavenly things are, because I may look calm, but I’m actually losing my mind.”

“Absofruitely!” This is a mine of just so many fucking gems.

Kai Knowing: I feel like he’s just a mind-reader, because he already stated he can’t read people very well. But I absolutely love how both Bonnie and Damon are like, oh yeah totally super in love you betcha bud, and Kai’s like, I see it for realsies this time. Bamon 4 Eva bb. Love at first bicker, honestly.

lolololol I just loved the idea that their growing connection was so goddamn obvious that even the self-declared Worst Person Reader Ever was like ‘wowza so this is love huh?’

The Food Fight. I love the “She was glaring at him, eyelashes coated in frosting” line so much. It’s both cute and endearing, and the fact that Damon is paying that close attention.

“Cupcake Quidditch seems kind of fun.”

“It’s stupid dangerous, not to mention a giant waste of food.” Lol Bonnie.

Bonnie being on the shooting team—and Damon also being good at shooting. AU of an AU where SMA Bamon are spies or assassins (Mr. & Mrs. Smith). But only sma bamon. Fuck canon.

We don’t know her.

But also yes to this AU. @coraxes​ once wrote this awesome drabble where Bonnie and Damon met as teenagers and because of it I’ve always wanted to do some alternate timeline where they grew up in the same city, weaving in and out of the same seedy social circle as teens, flickering in and out of the periphery of each other’s lives, but always having this strange tension whenever their paths happened to cross, you know? Just these rare, vaguely loaded interactions where they both saw glimpses of the fact that the other was smarter than this, better than this, you know? That they both were. The point of this all being that I could imagine them both showing off whatever it is they know about guns, lololol. 

“It’s not very captain-y to bathe in the blood of my enemies either but hell if that’s going to stop me.”

She’s also special.

“Temporary timeout” leading to the “Truce” leading to “she suddenly hit him with the look, like Bambi and Tiny Tim and sixteen puppies and every Pixar character ever created had been thrown into one of those face-combining apps” which ultimately leads to Damon’s “fine” and his absolute bewilderment “He just blinked in confusion, unsure of what the hell had just happened.”

From “he held out his [launcher] and she stared at it for a beat before grudgingly taking it” to “in the split-second before she spoke, he suddenly knew exactly what was about to happen” STRAIGHT UP, UNFILTERED GOLD. Like, there’s no other explanation, really. You’re the Midas of Belvafore. I’m calling it, it has been declared, no take backsies or arguments from you, young lady.

I AM NO SUCH THING BUT I WILL TAKE IT ANYWAY.

The Elena Talk

Stefan’s safe space being Bonnie’s room – my heart. There are a lot of things I don’t like about canon, you know, but it would have made so much sense to have a stefonnie friendship (more than bamon, honestly). I didn’t know I needed it until SMA lol.

Listen, I was never into it until I wrote this. I don’t even know where it came from - I legit think the clips for the first trailer I made just worked out that way so I rolled with it, but once I started writing it it felt so natural? They just bounce off each other so easily, it’s one of my fave dynamics to write in a fic full of dynamics I love to write.

The glow-in-the-dark stars: I can totally imagine Stefan helping Bonnie move into every new place, and once all the boxes are in, he’s like, all right now for the real reason I helped you move in, and he rearranges the constellations by memory.

LMAO YES.

The fire escape call backs lol. I feel like every single person in this universe is a shit-starter—it just comes easier to Daroline lol.

The segue from the glow-in-the-dark stickers to “Bright things fade” in reference to the bright, warm, gooey-ness that was Stelena. You already know, I am impressed times a thousand, as always. I also think using this space theme between them is interesting and something to be explored. (I feel like an English teacher, and like maybe it was intentional, maybe it wasn’t. Either way, there is something there, and honestly, as the writer, it was your gut feeling to go with this theme, so maybe it was a subconscious effort, if not fully intentional). (Fight me).

We can go with me having complicated, writery instincts with layers and intricacies that are all very intentional or we can go with me not being creative enough to come up with another metaphor. 

The Meet-Cute has a quality that makes it perfect for Stelena. Yes, you are the author, and yes, you created what is ‘perfect’ for them, and yet? It could have easily been a different meet-cute, not Stefan’s speechlessness or her instant smitten-ness. God, he is such a Ted Mosby. But, at least, he’s learning from his Elena experience, that love may not exactly work like that. Maybe love-at-first-sight is a thing (hard maybe), but like Caroline soon alludes to, it’s more devastatingly impactful if love is grown as between two friends or even two people who don’t even like each other (both ships, honestly).

THE TED MOSBIEST. I honestly had trouble writing some of that scene because I was trying to walk the fine line between ‘this guy is sappy and unrealistic but ultimately earnest’ and ‘this guy has imposed wildly unrealistic ideals onto the world around him and it comes from a place of entitlement and privilege and neither the narrative nor the characters condone it’. I’m a big hater of the Ted Mosby’s of the world because I feel like they go through the motions of ‘growing’ but actually just keep doing the exact same thing and falling head over heels for girls that ‘disappoint them’ without ever seriously looking at themselves, so what I tried to do in the scene was show the side of Stefan that’s kind of messed up AND the side of him that realizes he’s kind of messed up. I wanted Caroline’s original dislike of him to make a little more sense, but also wanted to show you why he’s different from the prototypical Nice Guy. He knows that he was unrealistic. He knows that he purposefully turned a blind eye to red flags. He knows that he was putting too much weight on something that had a flimsy foundation at best. But he’s still human and admits that he’s never felt something that electric before, despite all that knowledge, and that’s why he hasn’t been able to shake this for two years. SO yeah, he’s an interesting one to pin down.

Sidenote about the Salvatores: I think it’s interesting that the first person Rebekah calls is Stefan, Stefan calls Lexi. Does that mean Lexi calls Freya? Freya probably doesn’t call a damn one of them lol. It’d be interesting if Lexi or Freya called Rebekah, for non-logical thinking, you know what I mean? I feel like Freya (even though it should be impossible to feel anything about her, considering she’s just a thought at this point) is very well-grounded, and she has a harder time thinking with her heart—and that’s why she might call someone like Rebekah. Omg, could you imagine that they all want to call Stefan, but if he’s busy, they call one another like, “Okay what would Stefan say? What would Stefan do?” Lol, headcanon.

Honestly this is perfect. And you’ve got Freya down to a T so idk how that happened. One of my fave things is getting headcanons about the Salvatores because they’ve basically had like one scene (two for Rebekah) on the phone and yet everyone just gets them. Every headcanon I get is spot-on. It’s delightful.

“Sounds like you and me”… “You said scowls and blizzards and vomit-inducing disdain, right?” lol oh Caroline. Allergic to a sincere moment, either reacting very, very violently or with a joke to help alleviate his discomfort.

She’s a syrupy little thing.

“Nothing could diminish the drug-rush feeling that’d flooded his veins”. I think it’s interesting that his reaction is “Nothing could ever make him forget that he was capable of feeling that much” and not that he wanted to feel that feeling again. It seems like him staying with Elena was him resupplying that feeling, but irl, it seems like people are more likely to relationship-hop, thinking that the relationship/the significant other was at fault, that love in its full drug-like capacity is worth it and they need, need, need it. It’s interesting that he turned inward and actively avoids feeling that way. He later says “It’s so hard not to want to feel it again” but what keeps him from feeling that way again? Is it Caroline’s fear of a person’s potential to ruin? Or maybe it’s just that he hadn’t found someone who is like that? Does Stefan even date around? I’m curious about your insight.

This actually took me a while to pin down in the story because canon was so all over the place with Stefan’s love life - I feel like he had a new love-of-his-life-from-the-past every season and if it wasn’t this random guest star, it was the other one, you know? He was kind of a serial monogamist in canon and yet still managed to have this distinct air of believing in a singular soulmate/’Elena’ lowkey being the be all, end all, you know? So I basically ignored that confusing shit and conceptualized him as a very picky person when it came to love. He doesn’t fall easily - or before Elena, ever. He mentions dating Valerie in high school and I’m sure he went on a few dates here and there in early college, but Elena was a punch in the face for him. He didn’t know what it was about her. He’d never felt that way about anyone before, not even close. Love wasn’t even really the drug-rush, it was her, specifically. That’s why he hasn’t felt it again, that’s why he’s scared he never will - it was entirely tied to Elena. If we wanted to analyze the ‘why’ of it all - why her, why would someone so picky just see someone and feel something they’d never felt before - I would probably say that Stefan grew up with a very specific picture of what he wanted in life, and for whatever reason, she looked exactly like what he’d imagined. The dark hair. The soft features. The romantic eyes. I think it also ties into canon a little, too, since in TVD he was immediately drawn to Elena because she looked exactly like Katherine. Immediate, visual enrapture. So yeah, long story short, I don’t see him as a guy who dates around a lot. I see him as a guy who, pre-Elena, thought he knew exactly what he wanted and never really compromised until he (thought) he found it. And now I see him as a guy who realizes that was an incredibly stupid way to think about love but worries it’s the only approach he’s capable of/that’ll make him feel that incredible feeling.

“But I’m scared I will anyways… And you’re scared you won’t.” Oof. Biggest oof.

I like how Stefan says he doesn’t want to sound like a cliché, but he’s a Disney prince. It only makes sense that he would feel that way, you know? It only makes sense that his life would play out that way. Who are this boys’ parents? How did they indoctrinate him? Or, rather, what thing made him this way?

He’s a mess. This is what happens when you’re the lone golden boy in a family of six and everyone indulges your unrealistic bullshit as cute/funny.

Your writing, for this movie montage of their love, is so perfect. Rude. The imagery! The word-choice! The whole thing reminds me of a caramel-candy commercial, where everything is warm and gooey and slow-motion. Clearly I’m not as cultured to compare to a Sundance film lol, but nonetheless, you did an excellent job describing that warm-toned, rose-colored-glasses kind of love.

Wow, I just realized how much Stefan sounds like the stereotypical ‘male author’. Except he has some decency not to describe the weight of her breasts or her aura during sex (eyeroll). Even his “and he was happy to be her anchor to that for the rest of their lives if she needed him to be”. Idr when, but Stefan shakes off some fairytale notion, saying ‘life doesn’t work that way’ or something – that is character development that we didn’t know we needed!

CAN YOU IMAGINE STEFAN DESCRIBING THE WEIGHT OF ELENA’S BREASTS now I need it

Yeah, honestly, I already said it but I’ll say it again - half the battle of writing that scene was giving Stefan just enough Ted Mosby/Male Author vibes to make him realistically flawed but not going too far as to making him someone you’re actively not rooting for anymore. I think you make a great point, though - he’s growing out of it and recognizing the role he played in his relationship failures and I think that’ll hopefully be what sets him apart.

Also, kudos for the Colorado trip call back. I think it’s very telling how invested and how thought out your process is for these characters by how you using some passing details like, Steroline skirting around their Matt and Elena stories, and then actually using them in their ‘origin’ stories… like, again, you didn’t have to, but you! went! there! and you did a phenomenal job, dude. Again, just a testament to how invested you are. Sure, you could say you wrote it out of order or something brush-off-y, but  to even consider, oh hey continuity is a thing, is great. We stan an Awesome Writer!

lmao I’m so happy you get as much enjoyment as I do from little details like that - I’m usually pretty terrible at it because updating within a normal time frame? Don’t know her. But anytime I see a chance to make a random detail I threw in years ago feel remotely deliberate, I’m all over that shit.

“He felt the barest flicker of defensiveness shoot through him… instead he thought back to the trip”. Hopefully, before I submit this, I would have submitted a list of headcanons I have. One of them is that Stefan’s so well-adjusted via his introspection, that I think one of this parents are a therapist of sorts. I’m just calling it.

oooo, I LIKE that. Largely because Therapist Parents would annoy the everloving hell out of Lexi, lmao - I feel like she’s the prototypical daughter of therapists who goes out of her way to be unpredictable just so her parents can’t psychoanalyze her/figure her out.

I wonder if Stefan still thinks he and Elena could have OTP. Like, he says “or, at least, as much sense as the idea of her and a guy like Liam will ever make to me”. Because if Liam is like canon Liam… she and Liam made total sense (aside from her still being a vampire). Oh but wait… Elena is an artist, not pre-med. Because Elena x Liam made sense in TVD, being pre-med kids, flirty and competitive and ambitious. If she’d never known about the supernatural world, it would make sense for her to be with a Liam, and not a Damon, because Liam is the human version of intense/consuming… Sorry about that canon tangent. Canon, I don’t know her?

Who is she? I think I went to high school with her but we weren’t friends. 

What’s SMA Liam like? Or is Stefan’s bitterness getting in the way of seeing, maybe, that Liam did make sense for Elena?

Re: Liam - it’s basically what you said above. Very different from canon Liam. Definitely played more of the canon Damon role re: this cocky, morally ambiguous bad boy that appealed to the darker/superficial/more selfish parts of Elena (that she felt she had to hide from Stefan). I think at the start of the story, there’s still a part of Stefan that thinks Stelena was OTP but the further it goes and the deeper he falls into this thing with Caroline, the more that part disappears. I think it’s really easy to idolize something when you have nothing to compare it to, and even more so when you have no closure so you stay stuck on it and time keeps passing it and making it more and more immortalized.  With Caroline in the picture now, though, I think it’s shifting his relationship with Elena into a different, more exposing light and revealing some of the insubstantiality of it all. 

Elena’s “it’s was like all those awful parts of me were allowed to exist again” speech is so heartbreaking. I know we’re here to cheer for Stefan, be on his ‘side’, and in no way am I saying cheating is condonable, but it’s another great example of how a writer can make you root for both sides of a broken-up couple. A mentor of mine once told me the sign of a good therapist is for each person in a couple to think you’re on their side. And I’m applying this to writing now. Not, in anyway, can I apply this to Matt (fuck that guy), but I get it for Elena. And it totally makes sense that Stefan was like that, or has a potential to be that way.

This was exactly what I was going for so I’m so happy that’s what your fancy talented therapist brain got out of it. 

I love how Caroline’s conversation of ‘you can be this way and the situation was not your fault’. Basically, to say to Stefan ‘you don’t know if you could have loved the real Elena’ and ‘you didn’t deserve what Elena did’ is such a good conversation to have. Because knowing this Soft Boy and knowing how most people feel when their partners cheat, it would make sense for him to blame himself. It seems he does that by the way he holds himself back from doing that to Caroline.

Wow, he even comes to this realization, “he hadn’t been able to reconcile the idea of both of them being a little right”. Don’t I look dumb lol… time to retreat….

NO because as I was writing that dialogue I kept getting it wrong and either making it sound like Caroline was blaming him completely or too much on his side and I was struggle-bussing to strike the exact balance you’re describing so NOT DUMB AT ALL. Exactly what I was flailingly going for.

Caroline’s “Okay, now, you’re just indulging.” Another headcanon, Steroline have made a rule to say, “do you need a moment” for any self-indulgent emotion in a conversation. But they only allow a moment. That’s it. ~feel and let go~

Wow, Caroline a combination of all the Salvatore Sisters? Works like a Freya, thinks like a Bekah, talks like a Lexi.

😂this just got vaguely Freudian but also, yes.

“I don’t want to be the guy who makes people feel like they have to pretend around him. That guy sucks.”/ “That guy does kind of suck” BUT ALSO “You may have a certain gooey idealism about you that makes people want to, I don’t know, believe in good things.” My fairly-new/just-for-SMA Steroline heart!

There’s hope for them yet.

The Knife Speech: yes. Wouldn’t it have been kinda funny if, instead of pretending to stab herself in the stomach, she pretended to stab him, a perfect foreshadowing. Also her “I’d imagine that’s when you’re really fucked, so… best is yet to come for you, Salvatore.” BUT WAIT. Perhaps the knife stabbing of oneself is the imagery of allowing one’s self to be stabbed, to be gutted, to be vulnerable enough to be in love. (Here goes English-teacher Cassandra again, please forgive her, she’s eager and truly a huge fan).

This is a perfect example of you making me sound like a hundred times better of a writer than I actually am because I legitimately do not remember who she pretended to stab in the gut and I also thought you were going to say ‘wouldn’t it have been kinda funny if she actually stabbed him and he died gurgling in shock’ and was ready to enthusiastically agree.

On a different note: “Wouldn’t you like to know.” / He’d very much like to know. How does one create such sexual tension in one small exchange? Big oof again.

Honestly this makes my life because I always feel like I’m SO BAD at getting these mood whiplash lines to pack enough punch. Like they always do in my head when I can see the delivery and the camera shot and whatnot, but when I write it I’m always like ‘eh. I mean. I guess’. TRUST YOURSELVES FRIENDS.

Bamon in the Bathroom

First off: “In my defense, you goaded me into playing” / “Yeah, well in my defense, I didn’t know I was releasing the fucking Kraken”. L O L

Bonnie’s winning – “But hey, a win was a win, right?” – I love it. Never underestimate Bonnie Cutthroat-Competition Bennett!

“You’re kind of a maniac, you know that?” paired so deliciously with “Didn’t say I wasn’t a maniac, too.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I think I forgot how much I loved bamon and all their goodness? Especially your version. Ahhhh!

“You know, for a doctor, you’re really bad for my health.” Bad for your heart! ‘Cause she’s got it racing! Oooo, burn!

That’s such a Kai line I’m dying.

Bonnie getting all defensive and going off about how she doesn’t mind “being the person that someone needs at the end of the day” (serious Stefan vibes, doesn’t he say this at one point also?), and Damon being all, like, heart-eyes and shit, calling her ‘surprising’ and stuff. Good content, yes, yes, please continue.

Ooo, didn’t even make that parallel between Stefan and Bonnie (because I am, in fact, a garbage author) but it’s so cool that you bring that up because on Stefan, that line can easily sound a little self-aggrandizing - it’s coming from (again) a place of privilege, of playing the hero because he’s had this charmed life and it’s the right thing to do, but from Bonnie, it’s almost the exact opposite. She didn’t have that growing up. She was the person without anyone in her corner. So with her, it’s not a hero complex, it’s a victim-turned-survivor motivation. I feel like I’m being really mean to Stefan in these responses lmao I gotta back off, I adore that kid. Just keepin’ it real. 

“Maybe I’ve handled enough” in a playfully dramatic way, and yet, Bonnie’s full realization that (the man of her dreams) Damon probably has been through enough, and she knew what that was like. Sad boy hours.

Sad boy days.

Bonnie avoiding tension by returning to tending to his wound, Damon avoiding tension by returning to his sexy-mysterious-guy vibes. I almost titled this “SMA and the Many, Many Ship Parallels”.

The whole scene that I shall call “I go by daddy, actually” which is just vague enough to make me laugh wildly in this library full of undergrads studying for finals—and because the scene is so ridiculous and hilarious and so, so Bamon, I will die cackling.

I’m brainstorming ways to bring more ‘daddy’ energy into chapter 18.

Belavafore

“Why are you like this?” / “We’re embracing the great outdoors!” Use what he loves against him, honey, you’re doing great.

“Okay, you’re right, I’m sorry.” / “No, you’re not.” / “No, I’m not.” / “Would it help if I said I’m proud of you? … I really am.”

I love how much lighter Steroline has become. Like Caroline just casually throwing the responsibility of “Go for it” / “Forgive yourself for something” to Stefan is so… unlike her. I feel like she’s the type that shows people up whenever they’re afraid to do something, like tell their waitress this is not what they ordered. Because that’s exactly it. This whole forgiving themselves thing was not what Caroline ordered- just a side of cheesy jokes on Stefan.

GIRL YOU AND ME BOTH, I was so tired of writing their tension oh my Gooooooodsicles. I basically spent sixteen chapters trying to earn the ability to write them this light and this comfortable and this open with each other so I SAW MY CHANCE AND TOOK IT.  

“I can’t believe we’re listening to happy4eva dot com.” / “We’re not, we’re listening to me” / “Is that any better?” I agree with Caroline and am fully happy to admit I am in love with Stefan’s sass.

“Some of us are capable of taking this seriously” / “What makes you think I wasn’t serious about the printer ink?”

Leash him.

Caroline’s “Here was all she needed to be” realization and acceptance is giving me so much life, I’m teeming with so much love and pride and straight up inspiration, dude, bless.

Caroline’s cathartic sobbing, and Stefan’s, “I think you might be forgiving yourself.” My whole heart is just FULL and maybe I TOO started crying, YOU CANNOT PROVE ANYTHING.

Filed under: scenes I wrote horribly the first few times and still was not convinced I got right by the time I finally posted it so thank God it made someone feel something because ya girl was skressed.

Bonnie going onto the fire escape without coat or shoes, despite hating the cold, just to be there for Caroline, to hug her and be happy for her forgiveness journey is the most Bonnie thing, and I am living for it.

Tag-line for Damon: “She could always count on Damon to be a shithead”.

Bonne saying her date was horrible, Damon mentioned Kai still being present – so mom and dad of them! Did I mention this in a previous review? Maybe. Ugh, I love them so much, I don’t mind if I ramble the same few things about it and your incredible writing of them.

Baroline deciding for the boys ‘this is something we are doing’. *arc snap* love it!

<3

“You jump, I jump, Jack.” I’ll be honest with ya, when I first read this, I was like, dude I love you madly but it feels a little too late to bring this friendship quirk up in here, but then I was like, who the fuck says? You did a great job explaining the context of it, and I love it! Please bring it back! You know, when you write more…

LMFAO no girl I thought the exact same thing, so much so that I went back and edited it into the chapter where Bonnie apologizes to Caroline after her bender. It was totally too late to introduce but I was like ‘I don’t really know what else to put here so we’re gonna pretend this has always been a thing, join me friends in this who cares revisionist approach to writing’.

Steroline being protective of Bonnie’s feelings paralleling with Damon’s protectiveness of Bonnie’s physical wellbeing. It’s just much like, ‘I’m not good at the emotions thing, may I offer you a blanket and some boots instead?” Very in-character of him, this is good, good stuff.

YES, exactly what I was going for! I feel like my entire reaction to your review is either going to be YES EXACTLY YOU WORDSMITH or ACTUALLY I AM FAR TOO DUMB TO HAVE DONE THAT ON PURPOSE BUT I LOVE IT LET’S GO WITH IT.

Bonnie using the ‘you were mean to me’ to get Damon to participate!!!

Caroline’s only known Damon for a month?????? This would make sense, a little, but also it feels like so much longer. (this isn’t me side-eyeing the author, she’s busy and doing important things, but also…)

😂😂😂😂

Bonnie’s prompting of Damon, “And?” felt very much like when you’re at the doctor’s office, and they’re listening to your heart, and they’re prompting you to take a deep breath “again” and quiet and waiting. Was this on purpose? Even his “how many do I have to do?” and her “Just one more.” Feels very much like when they’re in the bathroom, and he’s being a literal child under her medical care.

This definitely falls under the ‘not smart enough to have done that on purpose but I love it so let’s go with it’ category.

“Fuck you world, I’m perfect!” inspired by our resident sociopath (who has no regrets, naturally lol). LOVE. It really aligns with Caroline’s “here” realization, and later, Damon’s “okay, noted” response. It’s kinda messy of them, considering they’re clearly not, but the acceptance and willingness to say, fuck you world, I don’t need to conform to whatever, is so nice. So, so good. So much growth. And the title name-drop! And all of them cheering one another on (especially Stefan)!

“…Damon sasses, making Bonnie’s bright laugh even louder, and in that exact moment, with Damon’s hand caught in some kind of Z-snap and Bonnie gasping for air and Stefan’s eyes crinkled from the size of his grin, she felt something shift for her… And looking at the laughing faces surrounding her, their movements arrested in some kind of vibrant slow-motion, the glint of the flurrying snow around them like magic, she couldn’t help but think that it had to be something good.” (okay maybe now I will admit to more crying).

Kai vs the Neighbor and Caroline’s realization of ‘this guy is crazy I like him’. She doesn’t like a cat, but Kai, she’s here for. “That was amazing!” / “Thanks! I still don’t understand you.” love it!

I think I’ve edited this scene (what don’t I edit) since you read it but I think all the parts that stood out to you were ones I mostly kept the same, so that makes me really happy. I had a blast writing it, particularly Kai vs. The Neighbor and everyone just giving in to hedonistic self-acceptance for that one, sparkling minute. It felt needed and I’m so glad it seemed to trigger all the right emotions. 

Scrabble, Backstories, THE Kiss

I know this is not what I was supposed to take away from this, but I like Bonnie’s dark moments, lol. Like her joke about her mom not being around. Like, it makes her more real. Like Stefan’s sass makes him more real. No one is just the One Trait that ‘defines’ them, whatever the fuck that means.

I love writing those moments. I talked about this a few paragraphs up, but a big part of why I love writing Bonnie and Damon is exactly those moments - the ones where she can make a joke about her absentee mom and Damon can laugh at the idea of Kai assassinating them. They need that. They need to be able to do that. It doesn’t feel real to me otherwise. It doesn’t feel special, you know? Why are they so drawn to each other if not for precisely that? Their ability to be every part of themselves around each other - the hopeful parts, the selfish parts, the angry parts, the vulnerable parts - is what makes them tick the most, so I’m excited I’ve gotten to the point in their development where they can do that. There’s a scene pretty early in chapter 18 where they have another one of those moments, where Bonnie lets Damon get this sort of ugly/twisted glimpse at her that she’s hiding from everyone else, and she does it with this casualness that I really enjoyed writing. She’s not afraid of judgement. She’s not afraid of what he’s going to think. She knows he gets it, and he does, and it’s simple but I think it means so much more than grand gestures or big sex scenes do for them (but those are fun too lol).

Aw Damon wanting to know more about Bonnie. We see a lot of Bonnie’s curiosity about Mr. Enigma, but he’s embarking on this conversation without really knowing where it’d go or what he wants from it.

That’s a big shift that’s carrying into 18 - Damon’s officially starting to get hooked. It’s been so fun writing him in this shifting context of developing confusing feelings because he’s kind of a disaster about it - especially because Bonnie’s distracted by all the Steroline drama so she’s not even full cognizant of it. 

Wow, why am I just noticing this: “He thought about the fire escape, about the things she’d claimed to forgive herself for, and dwelled in the awareness that they’d all been just as performative as his” !!!! excuse me! NOT OKAY. I guess they haven’t had the chance to talk it out like Steroline did, and maybe that’s part of the reason it was more difficult to jump onto the forgiveness train right away.

Yeah, they still have a long way to go. Honestly, I don’t even know if forgiveness really fits what they need. Bamon strikes me more as just needing to accept themselves, and I think being able to accept each other so casually and completely will play a big role in that. 

“He wasn’t sure when she’d started taking up actual real estate in his thoughts, but it was kind of a disorienting realization.” !!!

“He used to let himself feel every last lick of it [his anger], blistering and white-hot… it’d bite and fester at the inside of his skin till it wore itself out slowly bled out of his pores” that’s good stuff there, dude, great description.

“That was all before he’d met Katherine, though. Before she’d shown him how to turn it all of instead.” Nice nod to that dumpster fire of canon. Datherine was such an interesting thing that could have been cool. The debauchery, honestly, instead of Damon desiring to be ‘good’ or some shit.

I honestly don’t even remember their canon dynamic and I think it’s probably better that way.

“She’d moved on from the question. He’d had an out. But for some reason, he had this weird, anxious feeling, like an opportunity was flashing past him and he didn’t want to just let it. So he kept going.” We stan character development and growth. You go, baby!

I wonder what it was like for Damon, to re-testify. Was he all shelled-up, the Damon who jokes his way through, who doesn’t give a single fuck about anything, or was he Lily’s scared son, traumatized and hurt, unable to make eye-contact or even lift his head during his testimony?

I think he was forcibly numb to the whole thing until he saw her. Probably being sarcastic under oath, acting like this was a waste of his time, but distinctly edgier than usual. I don’t think he was planning on seeing her and I don’t think he was even supposed to, given the whole witness protection thing, but knowing Lily, she probably dreamed up a way to make sure she was being transported at the exact moment she knew he’d be there, and seeing her and how entirely unchanged, unrepentant, undulled she was after seventeen years, daring to look at him like a project she was coolly proud of, just flipped him out a little. 

“She looked protective./ He wasn’t sure anyone had ever looked protective of him before.” AHHHHHHH.

Once you have a Gryffinpuff in your corner there’s no shaking them.

Damon’s “Here” paralleling to Caroline’s “Here”. Two sides of the same coin, though. Caroline’s “here” was liberating and existing meant so much for her, but Damon’s “here” is just existing, not feeling or holding on to anything.

Okay, I will admit this one I did on purpose.

“Kai could probably kill them both if we asked.” Dark!Bonnie, yas queen, slay!

“They didn’t just ‘happen’ / “I did them. I actively ruined those people’s lives.” I know it seems like I’m grasping here, but this just really seems to echo Caroline’s speech to Stefan, that Elena made choices. Bonnie made choices too. Does this mean Elena is just as redeemable as Bonnie is? Stay tuned to probably never find out.

Elena Redemption Arc 2029

Damon: “In fact, it’s [accepting the ‘bad’ parts of her] not going to change you at all—they’re already part of you, they’ve always been part of you. I’m not saying they’re shiny or pretty but honestly, fuck shiny and pretty.” Stefan’s rejection of Elena’s ‘darkness’, Damon’s acceptance of Bonnie’s ‘non-shiny, non-pretty’ elements. I’m just saying dude, conscious or subconscious—your Inner Writer is doing amazing, sweetie, please keep it up forever, thanks.

“Goodness wasn’t default coded into you but having some perfect life that never tempted you to be anything else.” / “To me, that’s a hell of a lot prettier and shinier than someone who never had ugly as an option.” *sings quietly* Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air? 

lmfaoooo why do your expressions always murder me

‘I’m too tired to be funny’ fuck you this entire review is either poignant af or hilarious I was ill-prepared I was MISLED

“Your desperation to paint me out as some kind of reluctant hero is your real flaw—in fact, that should be the part of yourself you’re ashamed of.” OKAY THEN STOP BEING ONE

He’s so dumb. And we haven’t even gone into the Tyler arc. 

Baroline quoting Defan to throw their own words back at them like ninja stars, pinning them to their words’ truths.

We love a good Pin The Truth Bomb on the Idiot game.

 “I’m just saying there’s a chance you aren’t a complete supervillain.” / “I’d be a great supervillain.”

(I just had an overwhelming sense of maybe, someone in this very library, could be a SMA fan also. How wild would that be???)

I wrote this HP fanfic a long time ago that got weirdly popular and someone once left a review saying they saw someone else reading the new update at the airport and they ended up talking about it together for a little while and it was the greatest moment of my entire life

“He wasn’t sure what made him do it. Wasn’t sure if it was a pride thing, a contrarian thing, or a product of whatever weird mindfuck of a thing had been brewing between them over the course of the night, but before he even knew what was happening, he slid his hands up her face and caught her mouth in a swift, deliberate counterargument.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damon’s analysis of Bonnie: more exclamation marks

“And that even without the varnish, even with all bitterness and fear and anxiety bursting through his cracks like light, he was worth seeing.” Actual tears in my actual eyes. I am not a crier, Gabi, what have you done

He’s a love-starved stray, LOVE HIM. PET HIM. 

Bonnie being all weirded out by the intimacy of the kiss, Damon apologizing about it, “He felt a flicker of resentment over the charm of her awkwardness.”

“If he didn’t know any better, he’d think it was the beginnings of another panic attack.” It’s the knife! (you know the Vine where the kid is running alongside a pool, and the woman behind the camera says, “what’cha got there?” and the kid is like “a knife!” and she’s like “no!” that’s this.)

I’M DEAD.

INEVITABLE. BOOM.

LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKENS

Steroline and the Case of the Heart-Eyes

“Laughing on that fire escape was the happiest he thought he’d ever seen her.”

Stefan being unable to deal with Caroline’s weirdo silence. Being nervous and worried about it, being super boyfriendy without actually noticing it. Him finally, full out, asking her what’s her deal.

“I’m out of reasons.” It’s so simple, yet so awwwww inducing.

Stefan going into straight up panic mode is so hilarious to me, even though it’s supposed to be more on the serious side lol. Like, I can just imagine Paul Wesley’s scrunched face, pushing away, avoiding any sort of physical interaction—and I’m cackling.

oh my God now I’m cackling

why is he like that

lmao I just see eyebrows I can’t

“I’m not that guy.” / “I’m the guy who can barely breathe right now because of the smell of your shampoo / who literally can’t open his eyes because if I look at you right now, I’m going to kiss you / who’s a few involuntary stares away from having the exact pattern of your freckles memorized—in fact, I honestly might already. Six on the right, six of the left, rebel freckle.” My heart. Gabi, stoppppp! I didn’t even ship this ship before SMA!

He writes his Boy Scout-ass self blame him.

“I’m pretty sure what makes me happy is you.” I cry so many tears. “I think I might finally be at the point where I’m more scared of missing out on that than I am of what letting it in might do.”

“His heart began humming in his throat at the way she was looking at him.”

“The hope in her eyes grabbed his stupid heart but its stupid heart throat and why the hell did he even pretend he had any actual choice in any of this?” There you go, buddy, finally getting with the program. A parallel to Bamon, and Damon’s wtf is happening to me caring about this cupcake of a person?

“No banning of the full spectrum of human emotion.” / “Do your worst, Disney prince.” / “Don’t know if you can handle that.”

Another artful sex scene. I know they’re not your Fav to write, but you do a real good job. Especially for these two and this moment of it being Real.

Bless, I just never know how they’re going to come across. So easy for them to feel cheesy. Glad this one didn’t tip too far into that territory. 

Caroline’s “No” and Stefan’s “a soundless projection of determination so palpable it bent the air into a word.”

“Her eyes were mosaics, art made out of jagged pieces – chipped trust and cracked pride glued together into something flawed and lovely.” Stefan has ruined every romantic thing for me. Thanks, bud.

He sucks.

Caroline’s ‘shift’ (which I am now just realizing she refers to as ‘a lock snapping undone’; giiiiiiiirl) and Stefan’s “and he felt the knife go straight through his gut.”

I can’t read that metaphor now without thinking about her legit stabbing him like a black widow and just completely 180ing this into a slasher fic.

Bonnie and the Contract

Short scene, yes. Bonnie’s absentmindedness, not just because of Damon, but because she doesn’t have eyes for this lol. It’s so casual how you described it too, “just some clothes, abandoned mugs, scatter of papers”, the usual, ya know, nothing to see here lol. Damon’s attempt to keep her from looking at the contract. Like, he was all mischief and trickery a few days ago, waiting for this very moment, and now, he’s all ‘oh uh you may wanna….’ tongue-tied. Short scene, yes. Great cliff-hanger, absolutely. Awesome way to close off what felt like whole movie worth of content? A million percent yes, sign me up for more!

Writing it def felt like a whole movie’s worth of content lmao so getting to that short, final, zippy cliffhanger scene was glorious. Felt like delivering a placenta. Like I’d already birthed the thankless succubus of a baby and all I needed now was the placenta I barely had to push to get out, you know? This metaphor got lowkey gross but fun fact one of the women whose placenta I delivered in OB wanted to keep it so her and her husband could eat it and I was like coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.

Okay, so this is a monster of a review for a masterpiece of a chapter (100+ pages, right?). Coupling happy and silly scenes with these intense confessions was amazing, and your fear of the emotional scenes not clicking is unwarranted! You’re truly a phenomenal writer, and I know I tell you all the time, but you need to hear it always and forever! I was recently telling my sister writing is my actual passion, and by the way in which you write, it seems like it’s, at least, one of your passions too. Like yeah, medicine is gonna be great, you’re gonna be awesome, and maybe I too will be successful as a therapist, but your passion and talent shines through your writing. YOU! ARE! GREAT! TRULY!

I will not apologize for such a long review, like I always do (13 pages babyyy), but I will apologize for basically rewriting the chapter in this review. I tried my best to simplify and summarize, but bro, so! many! good morsels of gorgeous similes and metaphors and descriptions and dialogue, and did I mention I am in love with your characters? your writing? your goddamn brain? Lol.

(Okay, I think I’m done. This took me almost three weeks to write.)

I truly hope you’re doing well, and if you’re writing, YAS, but if you’re not, you know what? You do you, girl, slay in whatever you’re doing. I am your support! I am your cheerleader! I’m here to bolster any sort of feeling you need! Love ya, toodles ;)

(If you’re new here and you got to the end of this review, hey I’m Cassandra, and you’ve made the best decision to read this fic. Gabi, look away, you’re not supposed to see my gushing about your story yet again. You, Reader, good on ya!)

Girl, I don’t even know what to say at this point. Your reviews are always just so lovely, so funny, so thoughtful, so insightful, so goddamn smart - I’m honored to have you as a reader, dude. Truly. Knowing you’re going to be reading challenges me to write better (and that’s actually true of a lot of you, if you’re reading this!). I adore having your therapist brain reading this, too, because it’s such a character-driven story and I’m writing about a lot of things I’ve never actually been through but have done my best to inhabit, and having your perspective is so wonderful. You find the motivations and you see the dimensionality and half the time your reviews actually give me ideas because you see things I don’t. So basically, all of this to say thank you. I adore you. You’re wonderful. And the one good thing about having taken so friggin’ long to post this response that I AM ACTUALLY WRITING lmao, and despite your busy life of saving people’s sanity and BEING FRIGGIN’ MARRIED, I hope you are, too! Love ya, babe. This was so kind. You’re a universe. 

[mild-lunacy]

Between the Rational, the Good and the Sentimental

Have you noticed how many times the 'good' character (often the female) is portrayed as 'good' by way of making irrational choices that seem selfless? That is to say, for ex., we have no resources to spare, but let's share them anyway! It's the right thing to do, so surely a good, rational person would want to do it, even if it puts everyone else's survival more at risk. Or, the oldie but goodie: we can save the world/the lives of hundreds or thousands later, or we can save these people right in front of us now. Guess which one 'good' people are inevitably drawn to? Regardless of which choice is made, you're clearly supposed to be very tempted to just rescue the first person who needs it, even or especially in an extreme, apocalyptic situation where all resources are limited. Which is fine. Maybe it's how most well-meaning people are, even. It just extra annoys me when this attitude is applied equally to rational/intellectual characters as to the bold, idealistic or naive ones. Like to do otherwise would be to go into 'gritty dark' territory rather than basic realism for rational thinking people's behavior.

Not like I'm against helping others, or disagree that being 'good' means acting out of concern for them, though I do believe that it should be a balance between selflessness and selfish behavior in a realistic character. You don't have to stop being rational to be good, though, even though that's usually what happens. The character inevitably suspends their critical thinking skills and rushes off half-cocked in honor of some ideal. Impulsivity and bravado is pretty much par the course for Gryffindors, for example, while the more rational types in Ravenclaw or Slytherin stay on the sidelines and barely seem to contribute (if the Slytherins aren't actually fighting the heroes). Any sort of calculation happening where other people's lives are on the line is overwhelmingly considered suspicious. This is fine-- it's just annoying how this translates into inevitable unrealistic breaks in the established persona for rational character types. I mean, a tendency towards calculation isn't really something that just... turns off when important or emotionally weighty decisions are to be made. Quite the opposite: we can know the things that drive a given character by how they make difficult decisions. If a person is primarily driven by rational thought, it would be *most* obvious under duress.

Inevitably, I believe part of this is genre, part gender. For example, I consider Sherlock (at least, in BBC Sherlock) to be both rational and good, but he certainly doesn't generally rush in without a plan where fools fear to tread. This is a somewhat Noir mystery with the protagonist's unsentimentality a huge part of the plot, though. Part of this is probably gender-related, too. A male rational type character could get away with a lot more insensitive behavior-- especially Sherlock, who gets extra leeway as an eccentric genius. Inevitably, it's the female character who's going to bring up doing the sentimental 'good' thing, such as rescuing extra people that could not be supported on a ship. With Sherlock, there was John to poke him about being 'a machine', but I'm not sure John wanted Sherlock to do anything irrational. Though I suppose you could argue that checking on Mrs. Hudson in TRF was irrational, since Sherlock knew this was a diversion and she was fine. However, I believe John wouldn't have left if Sherlock told him so. It is in part because Sherlock kept so many of his plans (let alone his feelings) to himself that John defaulted to acting on instinct.

I think what annoys me most is the seeming knee-jerk nature behind the sentimentality of female characters, especially the rational ones. It inevitably throws me out of the story and makes me wonder why this is always so. I also think this about how goodness and/or ethical behavior is widely perceived, and/or how it's gendered. A lot of books have ethics depicted as being about a sort of mindless selflessness. The only reason for selfishness usually present in women (outside of villains) is self-preservation, if then. I particularly think selflessness is gendered, because even in the most naive good guy character, I've never seen one who so *instinctively* cares for others without a care for himself as your average 'good' female protagonist, especially while blaming himself for others' issues. It just doesn't happen. I find it annoying, and it turns maddening when it appears male characters have room to be selfish or rational-- or both-- while remaining fundamentally good.

Even the 'not-so-good' or bitchy female protagonist will generally succumb to the writer's need to show goodness through sentimentality, though it may not be as overt. Like I said, this also depends on genre. In a more action-centric or literary narrative and/or one that's not written by a woman to start with, things tend to be different. If the whole shtick is that the female character is tough and capable, she may still choose the sentimental thing, but she'd make it work even if it shouldn't. That's really what makes it palatable to me when Aelin inevitably tries to take everything on her own shoulders and save others in the Throne of Glass YA series. That's fine, because she *plans*, she works for it, fights for it. Additionally, she's not selfless on a purely interpersonal level. She's a happy bitch who can be trusted to look out for her own survival, not to mention her creature comforts if at all possible. She's also judgey and frequently harsh. She tries to do the right thing, but it's impressive rather than pathetic or irrational, because she backs it up through hard work and strong problem-solving skills. Not to mention her magic and pure martial arts power. She's someone who has the wherewithal to back up almost any claims she makes. If she says she'll save someone (or everyone, as the case may be), the lack of resources or other apparent limits wouldn't matter, because you know she'll simply fix it. Or if not, then she'll organize the friends who will. First though, she'll be 100% *familiar* with those limits to overcome.

This is at least in part because it's epic fantasy, though. The protagonist is thus very strong, gifted and unusual. Like with Sherlock, you could (but probably wouldn't) call Aelin an eccentric genius. She has a different field of expertise, but they both have strengths well beyond the average human. In a genre romance, you're dealing with the same old righteously sentimental female protagonist but without the superhuman abilities. Those tend to be reserved for the male love interest. Sometimes, of course, the female protagonist has some special skills or powers, like being a xenobiologist, a hacker or an empath/telepath (or all of the above, even). But these skills aren't on a superhuman level, so limits certainly exist. The character just blithely ignores them, often leaving the rational, unsentimental thinking to the man whenever he's around. This is particularly maddening to me because the rational thinking often emerges alone, or in the company of other women. That said, the tendency to blame herself for others' issues remains consistent. I can't even claim it's unrealistic, though that doesn't make it any easier to tolerate, unfortunately.

[gh0stgurl]

Revenge is Calling: Part 1

Summary: Fighting in any relationship is normal, but sometimes it gets to be too much. Y/N and Dean have gotten to that point. Y/N decides enough is enough, and takes matters into her own hands.

Characters: Dean X Reader, Sam, Bobby, Cas

Word count:1607

Series WARNING:Angst, Language, Violence, Torture, PTSD, fluff (if you look really close)

A/N: So this is the 1st part in the series. This is my first series ever. Feedback wouldbe greatly appreciated. I hope you guys like it.

Series Masterlist / Tumblr Masterlist

You have been sitting on your bed for a few hours now just waiting for Dean to start his rant. You saved that little girls life, granted it almost cost you yours. Once you say that demon going for her, you had to do something. Dean would have done the same thing, but when it comes to you or Sam he wasn’t having it.

After you got back to the bunker, you went to your shared room. Sam and Dean went to the war room. You haven’t seen him since. He showed up around 10 pm. His face was unreadable. He wouldn’t looks at you. You got up to change into your pajama shorts and one of Dean’s flannels. When You both were laying down in bed he finally spoke.

“Y/N?”

“yeah” you turned to face him.

“ Please don’t do that again.”

“Do what? Save a little girls life? You do realize we save people right?”

“ You know what I meant.” He was starting to get frustrated, but he kept himself clam. “ I almost lost you today, because you decided to make a stupid decision. You don’t just run out in front of demons like that.”

“You would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes. Hell you actually have, so don’t give me that crap.”

“You know what, I can’t have this conversation right now.” He rolled away from you.

“Fine” you turned away frim him too. You love Dean but he can be a hypocrite sometimes.

When You woke up Dean was still facing away from you. This wasn’t normal for him. Dean was a natural cuddler, even when you guys would fight he would always cuddle with you in his sleep. For some reason this time was different.

You got up and went to make coffee. After you got a cup, you went to sit at the war table. Not knowing how Dean was going to act when he got up.

A few weeks went by, you and Dean have been fighting more and more. You didn’t go on the last hunt just to get some peace. Unfortunately that didn’t last very long. It was a quick salt and burn, so the boys were back in a few days.

You guys have been fighting over little things. Half the time neither of you know what you are fighting about. Both of you wished the fighting would stop. Then one of You would do something to set the other off and you were right back at each others throats.

“Ouch” you said as you got back on to your feet. Dean left his boots out again. Normally this wouldn’t bother you so much but he’s been getting on your last nerve lately.

You pick up his boots and walk to his stupid “man cave”. He was just sitting on the couch watching tv. You walked up behind him and dropped his boots in his lap. You weren’t aiming for his crotch but a tiny smile came up when you heard him groan.

“What the fuck Y/N? What’s your problem?” Dean had turned his head to face you while still holding himself.

“I’m sick and tired of tripping on your boots Every time I walk into our room.” You stared at him with your arms crossed. Dean got up and walked out.

A few minutes later you walked into your room, only to trip over his damn boots again. “Son of a Bitch!” When you looked around at the floor you saw all of Dean’s shoes scattered everywhere. “You have got to be kidding me!”

You left them on the floor as you got dressed to go running with Sam. Maneuvering your way around them so you didn’t trip again. When you got back, they were all still there. “I hope he trips over all of these.”

The next few days were Hell. You and dean were doing things to purposefully piss each other off. You need to get out. You needed to hunt. You even called Bobby to see if he had a case. Unfortunately he just finished one up.

You were in the war room looking for a case, when Dean came in with a plate of nachos and Sat down next to you. He started chewing super loud. You gave him a dirty look but he just continued. If You didn’t know any better you would say he got louder. Finally you were fed up. You packed up your laptop and notebook. Before you got up Dean started talking.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going somewhere else, so I can focus.”

“You can’t do that here?”

“NO, I Can’t! Not when your chewing louder than a damn cow. I can’t hear my own thoughts!”

“what’s your problem? I just wanted to hangout with you, now your leaving. You have been so bitchy lately I just wanted a nice quiet afternoon with you but apparently I don’t get that.”

“My problem? My problem right now is you.” You got up and grabbed your stuff. You walked to the doorway before turning back. “And I’m not the only one who has been bitchy. In case you forgot, YOU started this.”

Dean was up in your face as soon as you got the last word out. “I didn’t start this shit you did. Don’t try blaming this on me. This is all You sweetheart.”

Being the stubborn person You are. You weren’t going to back down.

“If You weren’t so wrapped up in that giant ego of your, you would realize that this started when you started acting like an ass to everyone after the last hunt. Then then refused to admit it even after Sammy and I said something.”

“I hate to brake it to you, but that’s just who I am.”

“ No, the normal you doesn’t yell or glare at everyone when you see them. He also was never an asshole to me, overprotective yes, asshole no. I don’t know what happened but I’m tired of it.” You turned and started walking away from him.

“Y/n, where are you going? We’re not done talking about this.“ He started following you to your room.

“Well I am. I’m going to my room.”

“ You realize I can just follow you into our room, I have a key if you lock it.”

You walked right past the room you have shared with Dean for the last four years. Earning a confused look from him.

“No, I said My room not yours.” You walked in closing the door behind you. Locking it so he couldn’t come after you. You put your back to the door, and slid down it. Tears started coming down your cheeks.

Dean walked up to the door, trying the knob. “Y/N, open the door.” You just ignored him, trying to keep your breath steady. “Sweetheart, please open the door.”

“Go Away Dean”.

Dean let out a big sigh, before you hear his footsteps retreating back down the hall.

That night you didn’t come out of your room for anyone. Dean tried to get you to come out a few times. Sam even came and knocked on your door. You ignored all of them. Cas even popped into your room to try to get you to come out. The book that hit him in the face was just a subtle hint that you wanted to be left alone.

You hated sleeping alone. You had gotten so used to sharing a bed with Dean, that you had a hard time falling asleep. You tossed and turned so much. You almost gave up but around 4 a.m. you finally fell asleep.

The next couple of days, you only came out of your room in the mornings to get food, water and snacks to last you through out the day. You only saw Sam, knowing Dean wouldn’t get up this early.

“Y/N, are you alright? You look like crap, no offense.”

“None taken. I’m fine Sam. I just haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

Sam nodded, he looked like he was trying to figure out what to say next. “Are you going to talk to him? He’s pretty messed up. He’s doing the same thing you are, only he looks worse and that’s saying something.”

You glared at him for a few seconds. “No I’m not. I just need time. He could talk to me ya know. There’s 2 people in this relationship not 1." You grabbed your stuff and walked back towards your room.

“I seriously need to find a hunt or something.” You said to yourself as you got back into your Winchester free room.

You found a hunt a few hours later. So you decided to pack your clothes. You were glad that you decided to keep your clothes in your old room, because with all the flannels Dean owns it was just a lot easier this way.

You wrote a couple of quick notes for the boys. You were letting them know you found a hunt and you would be back in a few days.

When You knew both boys were asleep, you snuck into the war room. You placed the notes In the middle of the table. You took a moment and looked around, then you walked towards Dean’s room. You quietly opened the door, so that you wouldn’t wake him. He had a sad look on his face. He was also cuddling with your pillow. Just looking at him, made a twinge of guilt run through your stomach. You slowly closed the door. You took a second to gather yourself again before heading out.

[askmyboys]

OC Descriptions!

Iver, Flynn, Finn, and Boop are the main four who’ll supposedly run this blog, however that doesn’t mean the rest in this list aren’t available for questioning!

Btw- some of these descriptions are old and I am too fuckin lazy to fix some of them, so basically a summary of most my characters: Some are bitchy, a bit narcissistic, a huge asshole, tol, monstrous, some are monstrous but very kind soft n sweet

Name: Warroch | Species: Giant | | Height: 120ft | | Age: N/A |  Gender: Male | Eye Color: Sapphire | Hair Color: Dirty Blonde | Goatee style/color: Dirty Blonde (Extended Goatee) | Appearance: Blue jeans and plain t-shirts, he's not a picky person with clothing. Of course he has pointy elf-like ears too. He also has vampire-esque fangs that seem very sharp and absolutely deadly. | Personality: Grouchy, grumbly, scruffy, etc. Honestly, its obvious who Iver takes after the most, sure Iver does have some traits from his mother too but he took after his father the most. The big grouch looks absolutely intimidating upon first meeting, which wouldn't be surprising considering what he did in the past (I'll get to that in side facts) he's actually just like a grumbly old giant now who wouldn't really harm anyone or destroy anything. | Side facts: Now, what I meant by the whole something he did in his past, he wasn't always just a relaxed and friendly giant, he used to be feared and ''respected'' which he still is of course, but... He doesn't do anything like he used to, he used to stomp around villages, snatching tinies up, devouring them, destroying they're homes, the entire villages they lived in. He was no protector, that was for sure... However, overtime he had met a woman named Rose, she was the only one that ever caught his eye... And she actually managed to tame the ornery brute believe it or not, but there will be more about Rose when I get to her side facts. Name: Rose | Species: Giantess | Gender: Female | Height: 115ft | Age: N/A | Eye Color: Forest Green | Hair Color: Light brown | Appearance: Light blue dress, she surprisingly has no fangs, she also has pointy elf-like ears as well (shh, pointy ears are best ears okay?) | Personality: Kind, sweet, nice, overall motherly. She is surprisingly one of the nicest and kindest giantesses you could ever meet, she has never harmed a fly, literally, she found a fly once and just let it go, it seems surprising that someone like Warroch would get together with her. | Side Facts: Yep, she's with one of the most feared giants in all the lands, she was the only one he ever loved, the only one he set eyes on, but of course... She didn't like the fact he destroyed the lands, so she tried to get him to change his ways... To stop harming innocent people, and destroying they're lands. He reluctantly agreed, it was for her... He'd do anything for Rose, even if it meant stopping his daily rampages, he loved her too much so he decided to try and change, of course the damage was already done with everyone... Everyone feared him, and that would never change but... At least he did, at least he's not rampaging anymore. Name: Boop | Gender: Male | Age 27 | Hair color: Brown | Eye color: Yellow and Blue | Model 2 | Version 2.0 | Company: Boop Inc. | Personality: Aggressive, he is an aggressive robot that does NOT like being used, he doesn’t care about what you want, he feels as though he’s just a toy, just another piece of machinery, he hates humanity for inventing him, he never asked to be created. He was a failed project due to him failing one of the most important rules, never harm a human, they pushed him aside, threw him away like scrap metal so he holds a grudge against his creators and remains elusive, if they find him they will destroy him, he had escaped after ‘The Incident’ and he never returned to that awful place since. | Objectives: {Primary} Search engine, which means he has to search up whatever the user wants, he can do many tasks and also can provide entertainment if needed. {Secondary} Revenge. Revenge against the company that created him, he wants to destroy them, every single one of them. (about Boop, he's mostly chill around people who aren't of his or a company or anything of the sort, he doesn't necessarily trust random humans right off the bat but if your kind to him then, most likely he won't just up and attack you) Name: Iver | Species: Giant | Gender: Male | Age: 30 | Height: 116 ft | Hair color: Dark brown | Eye color: Forest Green | Clothing: He usually wears plain t-shirts with some black pants | Facial hair: A goatee (Chin Puff style) |  Personality: Oddly sweet for a giant, he wouldn’t ever harm a tiny with malicious intent/on purpose, he has a tiny pal himself, (well ahem, pals~) he’s very overprotective of his tiny/tinies so be prepared to be scooped up by him if he feels there’s a threat around. He tries to act tough most of the time, but normally when he acts tough it winds up scaring his tiny friends and he immediately feels bad and tries to calm them down by any means. (he's changed a lot since this bio, he is sweet and has no malicious intent but he's ornery, sometimes a bit of a dick, and a t e a s e) | Side facts: His ears are pointed with some piercings in them, he has rows of razor bladed teeth which boosts his intimidation factor when he smiles, he uses his common sense/rationality more than his instincts which makes him quite reasonable.

True Name: Demetrius | Name he usually goes by: Flynn | Gender: Male | Age: N/A | Species/Race: Demon | Occupation: Unknown | Height: 20ft | Eye Color: His pupils are Red (the white's of his eyes are black however) | Appearance: His skin is red with brown fur that covers his chest, arms, and legs entirely (the only bits uncovered are his face, his stomach, and his tail which only has brown fur on the tip, that way you can see his skin color, the only hair/fur on his face is that of a goatee, the hair atop his head is extremely messy) He has hooves for feet like most demon entities and of course horns that are in the shape of a Indian Buffalo's, he also has razor sharp claws and teeth as well | Personality: Evil, cruel, and somewhat manipulative, he more so prefers to terrorize and traumatize humans rather than manipulate them into making deals with him or whatever it is most demons do, not to say he CAN'T be manipulative at all he just doesn't prefer to be, he does get annoyed with how very fragile human minds and bodies can be however, if he's in the middle of a game and they die or break completely, it just ruins the fun to him, sure that is his end goal 9 times outta 10 but dying or breaking in the MIDDLE of a game? Now that's just rude! | Side Facts: If you summon him, there is a 50% chance you will die in the end or break completely down, there are rare occasions he'll feel lazy and just pester and annoy the absolute hell out of you, that could prove to be worser than death itself in all honesty, this demon has a bit of a sweet tooth, now... He might be cruel and evil, but uh, sometimes his sweet tooth can get in the way of a game, maybe if your lucky he'd make a deal with ya involving that in some way. ...Be advised however, not only does the demon have a sweet tooth for actual sweets, but perhaps he has a bit of a sweet tooth for humans as well, he may wind up taking a chunk out of you if he gets hungry enough, its not TECHNICALLY cannibalism if he's a demon and your a human after all... 

Name: Finn | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Satyr | Age: ??? | Occupation: Supposed guardian of the forest, he guards the elders and the younglings (sometimes the occasional animal as well) | Height: 8ft | Appearance: His fur is black, he has fur covering almost all of his body except for the front of his arms and his face (the only fur on his face is on his chin which acts mostly as a beard, and his head which acts as hair) the skin he has that shows along his arms and face are both a pale grey color, along with his tail which is pale grey up until the tip which has more black fur on it, his horns are in the shape of a Kudu's and the claws extending from his hands also have a black coloring to them, he also has long pointed ears similar to an elf's. All of his teeth are also razor sharp, I can't help myself- the sharper the teeth the better, fangs are a bit overrated, give ya demons and other variations of beings- make ALL their teeth sharp | Eye Color: Forest Green (one of his eyes has a long scar over it, however it appears he can still see fine out of it) Personality: Cold but only when it comes to humans, he can be very cruel to humans, its mostly because the pain they have caused him and the scar(s) they gave him, both mentally and physically, he remembered the humans used to be so kind to him and his family, however something changed one day and suddenly, the humans decided it was time to end most of their kind, he watched as they killed and captured his family and friends, he had tried fighting back at one point however one of the humans lifted up their weapon and slashed at him (hence how he got the scar on his eye) He isn't very open about his past, not even to the other satyr's, only one of the elder's know about his past however they swore to him they wouldn't tell another soul, he isn't evil or at least he doesn't think so, he just doesn't trust humans and would prefer to kill any he comes across, he doesn't think they can be reasoned with, nor can they show kindness, not to a creature such as himself... And he won't risk it, he won't risk letting any more of his kind get hurt or worse. Side Facts: He patrols the entirety of the forest, it might take him hours but either way, he WILL make sure that NO humans enters these parts, he has put up a warning sign however that doesn't seem to stop some humans from coming through here, mostly hunters of course, even then, maybe they'll think twice about ignoring signs that say danger on them next time, if there even is a next time for them (spoiler, most likely their won't) He actually gets along very well with his own kind, the kids seem to love making flower crowns for him which he happily wears of course, he is actually the tallest of his kind even compared to some of the elders, the kids seem to love his height however, they try to climb on him most of them time which doesn't bother him much, he's got enough strength to hold them all up anyways, the kids know nothing of his hatred for humans, neither do the elders, if the elders knew, they would probably try to make him make peace with said humans ...Like hell he would e v e r trust another human again...

   Name: Zippy | Species/Race: Unknown | Gender: Male | Occupation: Jester | Age: ??? | Eye Color: (since I'm bad at explaining this, picture a Jester's makeup around the eyes but as their ACTUAL eyes, in a plus-like symbol, somethin like that) he has purple pupils in the middle | Height: 4in | Appearance: Wears a purple and green Jester's outfit along with the typical fool's hat, (underneath said hat are some horns), and his body is a plum color (along with the horns which is also plum colored), he also has a tail with the shape of a heart at the end of it (it is the same color as his body) | Personality: Sweet, a bit shy at times, but caring nonetheless... No harm, no foul, no dirty tricks from this kind little jester, he does love to play games however and entertain people as much as he can! He is extremely fast and claims to be the best at a game of tag, or 'chase', and especially hide and seek. He still loves his brother, even if his brother is a troublemaker and loves to cause people misfortune, and terrorize them, he wishes he could get the other jester to stop but he knows that's hopeless, so he'll just have to take over whenever someone comes and visits! | Side Facts: Zippy's name isn't just random coincidence, he has that name because of his speed, he rarely gets tired so if your going to play any games with him you had better have good stamina to keep up with this tiny but fast jester! His brother has and never WILL be mean to him, in fact- Zippy and Zeppy get along amazingly well, if anyone tries to hurt Zippy, his big brother will take care of them in a hurry, even if Zippy tries to talk him out of it. Zippy is a softie at heart, he could never hurt anyone, even if they hurt him or worse... He doesn't like hurting people unlike his brother who would honestly just do it for fun if he would allow it, however... Don't think Zippy is a pushover because of this, hurt his family, his friends, and his brother especially then you are in for one hell of a time, he doesn't like to fight, so if its possible... He will simply try to talk his way out of things, fighting is an absolute last resort. ------------------------ Name: Zeppy | Species/Race: Unknown | Gender: Male | Age: ??? | Occupation: Jester | Eye Color: He has the same eye pattern as Zippy, except his pupils are red instead of purple | Height: 7in | Appearance: Black and Red Jester's outfit, same goes for his hat except of course the bells on it, his skin is rather bloody red, same for the horns underneath his hat (which are a bit longer than his brother's), he has a normal-looking demon tail, with a shape of the very typical spear at the end (his tail is also the same color as his body) | Personality: He is definitely not as kind as his brother, the games he plays could be life-threatening even! ...For you that is, he's definitely the trickster time and it is wise you don't turn your back on him nor ever trust him, he absolutely loves to terrorize people and doesn't much get along with any humans or any other species really, the only one he truly cares about is his brother, sure, he has other family but his brother is more important than they are if the truth was told... Don't expect him to show you the same kindness and mercy as his brother does, even if you haven't even done anything wrong. | Side Facts: He does care for his brother immensely, he doesn't like it however with his brother befriending just EVERYBODY, he's afraid deep down... Afraid his brother will get hurt in some way if he 'befriends' the wrong type of person, he just wants to look out for him. Whenever he tries to play any of his games with well, virtually anybody, his brother always scolds and nags him about how his version of games are too dangerous, and he'll also scold him for scaring people, etc. So he of course tries not to play any games, or do anything too serious in front of Zippy.

Name: Oliver | Nicknames: Oli/Olive | Gender: Male | Height: 35ft | Species: ??? | Age: ??? | Eye(s) colors: From black to white, he has many eyes of many colors | Fur color: Black | Horn color: Dark red | Tail color: Dark green (devil-style) | Appearance: He has eyes all over his body, he has razor sharp teeth and claws as sharp as knives, a devil-style tail that looks like it could cut, and horns that look like they could cut through steel. | Personality: Despite looking purely like a demon spawn from the fiery pits of hell or a creature from your deepest darkest nightmares, he’s actually peaceful and docile. He doesn’t wanna harm anyone really, he just wants to make friends but its hard due to his appearance, the best thing to do is never piss him off or else your asking for trouble. | Side notes: No one knows what he exactly is, some say he’s a creature that comes to you in your nightmares but not to do harm. Others say he came from hell itself and that he is Satan, but the logical ones rationalize it and say he was an experiment that went horribly, horribly wrong. And, the logical ones would be correct. Experiment 05 was his “name” the scientists had deemed him, it was believed he had used to be human but… something happened one day, one of the scientists had scared the man, the man had thought they were going to cut into him, or stick him with a needle, something horrible, so he began panicking and swinging around violently. But, that was his mistake, he had ran into a shelf and tipped over all of its contents onto him. That is what had mutated him into this hellish beast you see now, that’s why he flees whenever he sees sharp objects (like knives, scalpels, etc) or needles, or even scientists in general. (( Well, correction, he flees when he sees MOST scientists, however he knows Artemis’s scent and is perfectly fine around him ))

(Boop’s has “brothers” btw- they would be just named after colors, there’s Red, Green, Purple, Black, (Boop himself is really yellow) annd a secret one known as Blue, not much to their bios and its old so I dont wanna show)

(Revi who you most likely won’t see bc god forbid that happens, he’s a really mean ornery boyo- I wont give his description bc it needs some tweaking, but all you need to know is he IS apart of Iver in a way, like a mirrored version of him, his eyes are a darker green, his hair would be black, and his voice much deeper)

Name: Kaijin | Species: Giant Troll | Gender: Male | Age: N/A | Height: 120ft | Fur color/Hair color: Dark brown | Eye color: Black sclera' with blue slit pupils | Appearance: His whole body is practically covered in dark brown fur, the top of his head has fur that acts as hair upon it, it is very messy due to how much he sleeps, he has two brown horns atop his head in the style of a Bighorn Ram's, he has claws as sharp as knives so be careful, teeth as sharp as scissors, and pawed feet that also have sharp claws adorning them, he also has a big fluffy and bushy tail. | Personality: Overall a real sweetheart, he loves to cuddle so you have been warned, he wouldn’t harm a fly let alone any humans, unless of course you mess with his food then he gets extremely grouchy. He also hates mornings so its best to let him sleep or your dealing with a very grouchy and upset troll, he can be very playful at times as well, but he knows to be careful with tiny humans, not that any really approach him, I mean… Wouldn’t you be scared of a giant troll at first sight? He’s a chubby baby who loves cuddles, playful fun and a whole lotta food. | Side facts: He got that cute chub tum, his teeth and claws however up his intimidation factor unintentionally, his eyes seem as though they can practically pierce the soul, he can tell when something’s wrong with someone so he’ll do his best to try and cheer them up. He also has big floofy and pointed ears and loves if you scratch or pet them, pulling them would result in an angery bby however.

Name: Rum | Nicknames: Rummy/Rummers/Rum-a-dum/Satan’s little helper (call him any of those and your as good as dead) | Gender: Male | Species: Demon/Shapeshifter | Height: (He can change his size if he wants honestly but his 'natural height’ is) 7'0 | Age: ??? | Eye color: Black Sclera', Grey-ish white pupils | Fur/Hair color: Black | Tail Style/Color: Devil style, Dark Grey | Horn Style/Color: Dirty Grey, Ram Style. | Appearance: (In his true form aka his demon form) He has fur on his belly, back, arms, and legs. He doesn’t wear clothes while in this form as he really doesn’t have anything that needs covered up in his true form. He also has razor sharp shark-like teeth along with black claws that can easily shred flesh in an instant. Personality: He can be mysterious with his words, you never know if his intentions are good or bad until its too late, he never reveals them until he’s finished messing with you, he treats things like a game when it comes to humans, interactions with them, its like one big game to him, he wants to find whatever way he can to fuck with them. He is very mischievous, he often gets himself and others into trouble because of his reckless actions, its not like he cares though, he’ll just be sitting there cackling after all is said and done. Side facts: He can be sarcastic, a bit of an asshole at times, other times unusually casual, calm and collected, however if you piss him off you are in for one HELL of a time, he can shapeshift into your worst nightmare, he can make your life an absolute living hell. He can be rather… manipulative in a way, if he wants something bad enough he’d do whatever it took to get it. He also has a large pitchfork he often carries around with him, if anyone saw him he’d say its for 'cosplay’ purposes most likely. (yes, cosplay purposes are a good excuse- I mean- to be fair its believable and more realistic, truth be told he's been updated personality wise too, he's a fucking assholes who'll torment you to ungodly ends) Name: Oconos | Species: Merman | Gender: Male (I know its obvious ^^’) | Height: 130ft long | Hair color: Aqua blue | Appearence: The lower half of his body is of course, like a fish tail, he has some fins almost like a shark, and the color of his lower half is blue mixed with teal, his upper half is completely human, he is pale (as fuck boyo), he has a beard (ducktail style: Yes I did look up references to beards/goatees haha) and he has really sharp and pointy fangs. | Personality: He is honestly the biggest sweetheart, sure he may appear terrifying due to how gigantic he is but he would never ever harm anyone, he loves humans a lot actually, he’s absolutely fascinated by them, but of course most are scared of him so he tries keeping his distance as to not spook the lil fellas. Although he may be a sweetheart and a kind spirit, but if you so much as dare to harm him or one of his friends then he will have no trouble with getting rid of you, sure he doesn’t care for killing in the slightest but he will do what he must to protect himself and his friends. | Side facts: He’s almost like a shark when he goes out to hunt for food, despite being so large he moves pretty fast and is very agile, sometimes he might stick his shark fin up as he’s swimming just to scare people for a moment, its all in good fun of course, no harm will be done. (maybe some more facts will be added later on) Name: Fritz | Gender: Male | Species: Drider | Age: ??? | Height: 4 inches | Hair color: Orange | Eye color: Red | Appearance His upper body is all human while his lower body is all spider, hence the whole half-spider half-human hybrid thing. He is actually a Redback spider, his colors being black with a red patch going down his back. | Personality: Despite being one of the most deadly spiders around, he is actually usually a pacifist, he is absolutely terrified of humans and is worried if they catch him they'll stomp on him, tear his legs off, etc. He had heard stories from his parents about humans, and what he heard made him never want to get around one... He is shy and timid anyways, so he does have a hard time approaching others, he doesn't like to kill prey either but he has to eat so even if he kills an insect or something its just 'I'm t-terribly... sor....s-so...sorry Mr/Mrs Insect!' Overall you don't have to worry about him being aggressive and biting you randomly. | Side Facts: If you approach him even without a weapon he will most likely run at first sight, especially if your a human, he does not want to be around you at all at first, if you can prove to him you won't rip his legs off or torture him in some horrible way then maybe he'll trust you and you can be friends, however it will take him awhile to trust and he takes awhile to speak as well so you must be patient with this precious spidey boi.

Name: Patches | Nicknames: Patchy/Patch | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Ventriloquist (Puppet) | Age: N/A | Height: 6'in | Hair Color: Black | Facial Hair: Black (Goatee) | Appearance: Surprisingly his hair looks to be well kept, even if a piece could stick out its doubtful it would as slick as his hair looks, he wears overalls that have a few patches here and there (that's not why he's named Patches tho) | Personality: He's actually quite docile compared to most puppets, despite what's happened to him he doesn't seek to harm just anyone, so long as they don't attack him or anything then they'll be just fine, he can even speak on his own, he is a sentient being (despite being a form of puppet) he can walk and talk all on his own. Side Facts: Unfortunately the reason he's called Patches is because he has patches sewn onto his eyes or well where his eyes would be, they are in the form of X's on each eye and underneath his clothing, he is pretty much covered in patches it was either to hide some imperfections or just as a very cruel joke, he does loathe the one who did this to him... He will always loathe them for doing this but there isn't much he can do, now whenever he sees sewing needles or anything of the sort he pretty much just runs and hides, he's absolutely terrified of that now. While he is blind he relies on his hearing immensely, as for walking around, he tends to either feel around or he merely uses something similar to a walking stick. Name: Pitch | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Shadow Puppet | Age: N/A | Height: 4'in | Body Color: Pitch Black (aside from his eyes and mouth which are white) | Appearance: His usual appearance is just like the shadow of a small male, he does have hair that sticks out in many places (its a mess), he does have his own limbs (arms, legs, etc) and overall he looks as if he's his own being, there is two notable features about this puppet and that's his mouth and eyes... His eyes are very swirly/squiggly, surprisingly they are very white, same goes for his mouth which is usually curled up into a rather unsettling grin. | Personality: A rather cheeky lil shit, he just loves to stir up trouble wherever he goes, he absolutely loves to cause chaos and scare people, since he is a shadow puppet he'll usually shift into another form (whatever he thinks would cause the most fear) but at this point he's learned that he could scare people without doing that, its just fun to spice things up every once in awhile. There's no use in trying to get him to change or stop, he'll continue doing it as much as he pleases, he's caused so much trouble, so much fear, to his own creator even and drove them to the point of insanity. I'd watch out around this puppet, you never know when he'll strike next. Side Facts: He can't speak, the most he can do is just giggle and grin, his mood is determined by his mouth since that's honestly the only way you could ever tell he's mad or anything, usually you'll just see that cheeky lil grin plastered onto his face, only occasionally will you ever see a frown. He can communicate if you give him something to write with, while his writing is rather sloppy it is intelligible enough to read. He doesn't need to eat or drink anything (hence being a puppet) BUT if you decide to put him in your house, well its your own funeral. 

(Basically, Pitch is a cheeky lil chaotic shit, Patches is a bit more calm and reserved in a way, their bio might get a bit tweaked)

  WARNING BEFORE YOU CONTINUE, ZORANDER IS A VERY NOT SO NICE CHARACTER AND THERE IS SOME GORE IN HIS DESC, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Name: Zorander | Alias: More well known a Doctor Zorander | Species/Race: Human | Gender: Male | Occupation: Dentist/Surgeon | Appearance: He wears a normal outfit that most doctor's wear, a lab coat with some scrubs underneath, when going into surgery he changes into the surgeon attire | Hair Color: Brown  | Eye Color: Grey | Facial Hair: Circle beard | Personality: Cold, cruel, and uncaring mostly... This dentist/surgeon is DEFINITELY N O T someone you want to operate on you or even be near, just know if you have him as your dentist and or surgeon, you are severely screwed. He has a fascination with teeth, flesh, and organs, and is admittedly a perfectionist when it comes to his 'work', nothing less than perfection will be tolerated when it comes to this man, he is actually very calm however when messing up a 'surgery' and or any dental work it can make him angry to ungodly amounts, other than that he is usually a calm man. | Side Facts: He surprisingly has little trouble when it comes to hiding his 'work' after its done... He's been doing this so long, honestly he has forgot the very reason for doing ANY of this in the first place. He is absolutely fascinated with teeth, flesh, organs and all of that, he has rows of jars with teeth in them on his shelves, some organs here and there as well but he cares more about the teeth he collects than any of it, he also tends to even eat some of the flesh and organs he gets from his vic- patients, its not often he eats a bit of them but sometimes he just can't help himself, there's always that one patient out there who not only has nice teeth but also has a rather intoxicating smell as well... He also tries to prolong the patient's life for as long as possible, he doesn't want them to die quickly, he takes pride in making them suffer, making sure they feel e v e r y incision he makes or every tooth he rips out, he has on occasion, given a patient or two some novocaine, that sounds somewhat generous but to those patients? Not really. He can also get a bit irritated when people pronounce his name wrong, he merely tries to shrug it off though, after all his name isn't common at all.

Name: ??? | Alias: Too many to keep track of, if only he could remember his true name | Gender: Male | Height: 6'9ft | Species/Race: Human | Occupation: Doctor/Surgeon | Hair Color: Black | Facial Hair: Stubble | Appearance: Typical doctor's appearance, the coat, the scrubs, etc- he does have a little pin on his coat that has a large smiley face on it. | Personality: He just seems overly happy at first glance but do not be fooled by his happy demeanor nor his positive attitude, once you get to know him... The madness deep down is unleashed, he wants you to be hap-hap-happy just like him!~ This doctor is completely out of his mind, he was never always like this... In fact he used to be normal, in his right mind even, he's always overexcited, overly happy, and overly positive, especially if he gets a new patient to play with~! ...Er... I mean operate on of course... | Side Facts: I mean what I say when he wants you to be hap-hap-happy like him... he WILL force you to be happy, whether it means sewing your lips into a smile, carving a smile into them, etc or even going as far as trying to create some form of happy pills, r e a l happy pills (kinda like joy in a way? I got a bit inspired by We Happy Few tbh), he's always excited to do some surgery or just even getting a patient in general! He's so far gone however that he doesn't even remember his own name at this point, he's went by so many names as of now... And to be honest, he thinks he's making his patients happy, he thinks he's doing good, he sees things differently from most... His vision would show him a much more happier person but in actuality, they aren't happy... They are terrified, crying, screaming, etc. He would prefer not to remember his past anyways, it wasn't the best one at all... So why worry and dwell on such? He shouldn't~! You'll never see this man cry or frown, if you do then you know something is horribly wrong... However, his vision might be different, he can still tell when your angry, frowning, etc- anything of that sort? Oh no no! That won't do haha! He must fix this problem... Let's turn that frown of yours upside down shall we?~! (I tried my best with this description?)

[ijustwant2write]

The Ideal Daughter-In Law-Jax Teller x Reader (Part 1)

(GIF credit to owner)

Masterlist

Part 2

Summary: After the kidnapping of Abel, Jax had a meltdown, his mind is too in shock to process anything around him. His oldest friend (Y/N), along with the rest of his family and the club, do everything they can to help him. However, his so-called girlfriend, Tara, isn’t doing her part. But for some reason, no one else can see that besides (Y/N).

Characters: Jax Teller x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)= Your name

Warnings: Swearing, fighting, bitchiness

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As I parked up in Teller Morrow, I turned off the engine and sat back for a few minutes. It had been an exhausting week. Some of the workers were outside fixing cars, there was not a Son in sight. No, they had much bigger problems on their hands. Abel had been kidnapped, no one had any idea where he could be, not even the police. He was so young, so fragile, so small; how could someone rip a baby from their parent’s arms? It was barbaric.

Breathing in and out slowly, I tried to remain calm. Everyone was under pressure, very stressed out. Although it was an extremely saddening time, some of us had to attempt to keep everyone sane. As I exited my car, Juice called out my name, jogging to my side. I hugged him as a greeting.

“Didn’t know you were swinging by today.” he commented.

“Well, I have nothing to do today, so I figured that I would come to help as much as I could.”

“Not sure what’s left to do. We’re at a dead end.”

We started to walk to the clubhouse.“Don’t speak like that! We are going to get him back.”

His eyes softened.“I know. I just can’t stand to see Jax like this.”

“No, me neither.” Entering the clubhouse together, we saw some of the members sat around, looking fed up. Cautious with my words, I slid on a bar stool next to Opie.

“Hi guys.” I started, only receiving a few answers.“Any news?”

They all shook their heads. It was clear to see that everyone felt the same about Abel. We were all very close to each other, blood or not.

Instead of speaking to everyone, I turned to Opie.“Hey, you seen Jax recently?”

“Yeah, the other day. But he doesn’t even speak anymore or awknowlawdge that you’re there.”

“I want to see him. But that bitch won’t let me in the house anymore.”

“Tara?”

“Who else? I get it, they’re together now, but he’s still my friend.”

“That was one of his biggest mistakes, choosing her over you.”

I had been the one to make a move on Jax. I wasn’t going to hide my feelings if they were there. Surprisingly he accepted it, and we were dating. Sort of. It wasn’t really official but we were always with each other, kissing, showing off with the PDA and also lots of sex. Having grown up with the club (my father was a mechanic before he passed away), I was already part of the family. Abel was also already born before any of this, making me his mother for those couple of months. I loved him, although he came out of a crackhead’s vagina, he was still perfect. But of course I couldn’t have this happy life for long.

Tara Knowles came sauntering back into town. She thought she could take back everything that used to be hers, including Jax; unfortunately for me, she was right. It was as if I no longer existed. As soon as she turned up at his house, he was practically on his knees begging her to come back. What happened to me? I wasn’t even sure myself. He just left me. Simple.

It took a few months for me to forgive him. I was a weak soul. I loved him too much to just kick him out my life. Opie and Gemma were the only ones who had the courage to tell me that I was an idiot. They had told me to stay and keep on fighting, as if I hadn’t already tried.

“Damn right it was.” Gemma appeared beside me, not waiting to give me a hug.

“Guys, this isn’t important right now.”

“That should be you in that house with him. Look, I’m going over later on, you wanna come?”

“I don’t-”

“I’ll make sure she lets you in. Come on, you haven’t seen him for ages.”

I sighed.“Thanks Gemma.”

As I drove Gemma and I to Jax’s house, my heart beat started to accelerate. It had been quite a few weeks since I saw him, only able to catch him once after Abel’s kidnapping. I prayed that Tara wouldn’t be there, I needed to see him, to comfort him. I almost hadn’t noticed that we were turning into his street, the route was engraved into my mind.

I trailed behind Gemma as she headed to the house, now feeling unsure of myself. What if Jax didn’t want to see me? What if Tara had convinced him not to see me anymore? Jax only ever listened to her now and he was vulnerable. Trying to push The negative thoughts away, I stood behind Gemma as she knocked on the door. When no one answered, she took out her spare key, calling out to her son as we entered. Looking around the house, everything seemed clean, if Tara hadn’t been living there I knew it would look like a junkyard. I waited for Gemma to find Jax first, figuring that it would be better than bombarding him with people. Their voices were muffled and I didn’t want to eavesdrop. Slowly making my way to the kitchen, I peeked in slightly, my heart breaking over Jax’s appearance as he say at the table; he had got worse, the bags under his eyes now even bigger, hair greasy and his beard unkept. For a moment I lost it, rushing over and hugging him tightly. It felt great when he wrapped one of his arms around me too, the other occupied with a cigarette.

I sat on the seat opposite him, still holding onto his hand.“When was the last time you showered?”

He didn’t look at me, shrugging his shoulders.

I tugged on his hand “Jax, get up off your arse and shower. You stink, it’ll help you feel better.” Just as I was about to pull him out of his chair, he surprised me by stunning out the cigarette and heading to the bathroom. Gemma and I glanced at each other, staying silent as we waited to hear the sound of running water. When we did, we shared a smile, relieved that he was doing something productive today.

“I couldn’t even get him out of bed, how the hell did you do that?” Gemma asked as she handed me a cup of coffee.

“I don’t even know myself. I was getting ready to drag him out of the room.”

“You two have something, I’m telling ya’.”

We made small talk as Jax showered, sometimes going quiet to listen out for him. He walked back in properly dress, no sweatpants and old shirt; he had his jeans and a SAMCRO hoodie, his hair still wet. He kissed his mom’s forhead before sitting beside me. As he went to speak, the front door opened and I tried not to groan as Tara appeared in the doorway.

She didn’t try to hide her disgust as she saw me.“Hi, I didn’t know you guys were coming.”

“Sorry, tried to book an appointment but your receptionist wasn’t picking up.” I mocked.

“I thought I told you to stay away.”

“I thought I told you to go fuck yourself.”

“Alright!” Gemma interrupted.“I brought (Y/N) with me. You can’t keep these guys apart.”

Tara said nothing, walking over to Jax and placing a long kiss to his lips, obviously trying to rub it in. I kept on staring at them, not showing any signs of weakness; if she thought I was going to back down, she had another thing coming. As she went to put her work things away, I rolled my eyes, already pissed off. How did Jax put up with her? Gemma decided to start up a conversation, wanting to forget what just happened.

Tara came back in, fixing herself a drink before sitting on the other side of Jax. We avoided each other’s gaze the whole time. Yes, we were very petty. The awkward tension was building up by the minute, everyone could feel it, so we were all secretly relieved when some of the Sons came walking through. Clay, Tig, Opie, Chibs and Juice made their presence known as they entered the house, knowing they needed to act like this in front of Jax.

“Jackie boy!” Chibs clapped him in the shoulders, shaking him slightly.“You’ve had a shower!”

“(Y/N) finally convinced him.” Gemma smiled.

“Nice one lass.” he came and kissed me on the forehead before doing the same with Gemma but completely missing Tara out. Ha.

“Hey Clay, can I speak to you please?” Tara asked. He nodded and walked out, leaving me to wonder.

Everyone helped themselves to anything they wanted, though that wasn’t unusual. I thought it was good for Jax to be surrounded by his family. He was starting to talk a little more now, I saw a hint of a smile coming through. However, the mood had to come to an end when Tig spoke up about the situation at hand.

“Jax, we’re heading to the docks today, see if we can get any more leads. You’re coming with us.” he said.

Jax didn’t respond for a second before slowly nodding.

“Great. We’re going now.”

As they started to discuss what was going to happen, I used the excuse to go to the bathroom when really I wanted to seek out Tara and Clay. They were stood in Abel’s room, the door slightly ajar, open enough for me to listen in.

“Tara, don’t worry. You’re doing a great job. It seems like he’s getting better.” I heard Clay say.

“You really think so?”

“Yeah. He’s lucky he’s got you right now. You’ve done so much for him, for all of us. I couldn’t imagine him with anyone else.”

My mouth hung open in shock. What the hell had she done?! Gemma had informed me that she was never there, always working and when Tara did come home, she was too tired to do anything. Her boyfriend’s son was kidnapped, surely she would be showing some sympathy? And what had she done for the club? Tara constantly bad mouthed the club, she had never liked it. It hurt that Clay had said that to her.

I walked away quickly, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping. Locking myself in the bathroom, I waited a few minutes before exiting. Rage filled my body, I couldn’t even hide it. As I snatched my handbag off the table, Gemma stood and followed me out of the room, trying to keep up as I stormed out of the house.

“(Y/N)! Where are you going?” she called out.

“Home. There was no point even coming here.” I unlocked my car and was about to get in when Gemma slammed the door shut.

“And why is that?”

Everyone was filing out of the house now. I usually didn’t want to cause scenes and have a huge outburst but today was an exception.

“I’m done with this Gemma. I can’t pussy foot around anymore.” I sternly said.

She waited for an explanation.

“I’ve been the one helping Jax. I was the one making sure he had enough food in the day, that he had company, a shoulder to cry on!”

“I know you and Tara don’t get along-”

“She’s getting all the praise! She’s not even comforting him anymore, he told me so.”

The Sons were at their bikes, Tara in the doorway. Clay decided to step in which was a bad mistake on his part.

“Now’s not the time for this. We’ve got more important matters.”

“No, now is the only time we’ll talk about this. I heard what you said to her. At first I thought they were all lies; you had always told me how much you hated her, only that she was useful when we got into major trouble. But you sounded so genuine-”

“(Y/N) enough-”

“I just want Jax to get better! But nothing is going to change if he stays cooped up in that house with her.”

I was getting myself worked up and I hated crying in front of anyone. Slightly shoving Gemma out of the way, I got in the car, driving away as fast as I could before I changed my mind. Some family.

[missanthropicprinciple]

Super-long rant-review post about Werewolf of London (1935) with images and spoilers...

I love Werewolf of London, this 83-year-old film. It’s got some problems typical of 1930s Hollywood, but I still find a lot of value in it. 

The setting, the moonlit hills of Tibet. Accuracy? not so much. 

Apparently the “Tibetans” are actually speaking Cantonese...and the white actors are clearly not speaking anything. 30 years before Star Wars and it honestly sounds like they’re speaking Ewok...but it’s just gibberish. I think the only realistic part of this scene is the fact that there actually are bactrian camels in Tibet. At least it’s quite well filmed. 

The sequence where Dr. Glendon (Henry Hull) is attacked by the werewolf is really eerie and holds up well.

The actual bite is so quick but if you screencap that second it’s creepy AF.

Despite the attack, Dr. Glendon gets his coveted “Mariphasa Lupina Lumina” flower (sadly, completely fictitious) and heads back to England.

In his lab, Dr. Glendon lives out his mad-scientist aesthetic surrounded by some high tech equipment. He even gets buzzed by his wife on what is basically an old-timey FaceTime device that lacks audio. Even though we know it’s superimposed footage it’s fairly seamless. 

Next we get a little portrait of a marriage. He’s working on an experiment with flowering and artificial light and his wife Lisa (Valerie Hobson) wants to know what the hell he’s up to. He’s secretive and she’s understandably annoyed. But she calls him “dear old bear” which is quite sweet but ironically hints at the animalistic transformation to follow. He says that after the experiment he will try to be more “human” but we know that ain’t gonna happen. 

Henry Hull’s accent. It needs its own paragraph. It’s not bad for someone from Louisville, Kentucky, and in fact sometimes it’s really amazing, but other moments it crosses your mind that the dialect coach was out sick that day of shooting. He enunciates very strongly. His jaws much have hurt him a bit. He’s fun to listen to though and you gotta give the guy credit because he doesn’t shy away from being über-Brit. 

Enter Lisa’s old childhood sweetheart Paul, played by the adorkable yet suave Lester Matthews. He and Lisa, whom he refers to as “Lee”, reminisce about their joint childhood exploits. 

Cue Dr. Glendon’s jealousy:

Understandably, Dr. Glendon is quietly dying inside because he hates all the socializing that comes with being a world-renowned botanist. Seeing another man making his wife smile does not help his mood.  

Lookit ‘em; holding hands for heaven’s sake. Aunt Ettie also likes to stir up trouble and add to Glendon’s jealously which isn’t very nice of her. 

Side note, Dr. Glendon has some tricked-out plants: 

Now we meet Dr. Yogami (Warner Oland).

Warner Oland, who was often cast as Asian characters because he “looked Asian”, was actually Swedish. (One would think that 80 years later this casting of white actors in non-white roles would have come to an end but we’re still dealing with this crap.) While Oland is a fairly good actor, he’s still NOT Asian and it would have been so much better if they had cast Sessue Hayakawa as Yogami as he was not only gorgeous but a better actor. 

However, Yogami is implied to be Chinese or Tibetan and Hayakawa is Japanese. Still, if the character was stated as Japanese it would have been perfect. Ironically, later on in the film Aunt Ettie keeps calling him Yokohama which is the second largest city in Japan. And I can’t find the surname Yogami anywhere. I can find Yagami and that’s a Japanese surname, not Chinese or Tibetan as far as I can tell. Oh, Old Hollywood and your stomach-churning whitewashing. 

Dr. Yogami says that they met before in Tibet...in the dark. He’s giving him a really big hint that he’s the one who bit him (...either that or he’s implying they met for an evening liaison). Dr. Glendon is trying to piece it together. 

Dr. Yogami says, “The medical term is ‘lycanthrophobia’.” WRONG. The medical term is lycanthropy, if being a werewolf was actually real. (The uncommon thing were people grow all the excess facial hair is hypertrichosis.) Clinical lycanthropy is a rare psychological condition that is linked to schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and/or clinical depression. (More on that later.) 

Here’s a cap of Dr. Yogami intimately stroking Dr. Glendon’s injured arm while making hella awkward eye contact. As modern viewers we may or may not have a strong impulse to read this as somewhat sexual, or maybe as an identification of repressed homosexual desire. Lycanthropy in literature and film mythology has occasionally been used or identified as a metaphor for homosexuality. 

In a world where stabbing yourself with a plant gets rid of monthly hair growth. I’m curious to know why it looks like his stabbing it into a dorsal metacarpal vein and not the palmar (inside) side of wrist....medical side of Tumblr help me out here. Maybe they just wanted to feature the hairy hand. 

Dr. Yogami essentially asks Dr. Glendon for a blossom of the glow-in-the-dark flower to save his soul (and his fellow botanist as well), albeit in a cryptic way. He says “But remember this Dr. Glendon, the werewolf instinctively seeks to kill the thing it loves best.” Sadly, Dr. Glendon thinks he’s full of crap and ignores his warnings despite knowing that stabbing himself with this rare flower magically makes his moon-grown hand-hair disappear. Dumb or in denial? 

So of course Dr. Yogami steals not one, but two flowers. For two of the four nights of the full moon. Technically there is only one night of full moon at any given time but I’m going to give this a pass. Maybe during the time that the moon is still almost full, though waning, it still have the power to change man into the “satanic creature.”

Meanwhile, skeptical Dr. Glendon does a little lycanthropic research: 

Lisa drops by and asks him to join her and Paul at a society party but he pegs out or course, and then adds a jibe about not wanting to hear anymore childhood memories. Is the werewolf infection making him bitchy or is he just like that? Hard to tell. 

Lisa is hurt. But he says she should go out and enjoy herself. She tries to show him this brocade he bought her but he flips out when she turns on the lights. Presumably being a werewolf makes you sensitive to light. 

He responds with the “I put some medicine in my eyes” routine and they clearly don’t buy it. 

Seems fake, but ok. 

I feel like this is one of many allusions to depression in this film: sensitive to light, wanting to be alone, disliking small-talk and society parties, general introversion and distrust of others. We get a sense that he’s kind of this way anyway at the core of his personality but the werewolf contamination has made that all worse. 

Dr. Glendon may be a jerk but it’s hard not to feel sympathy for him. He really does love her. She’s still too annoyed to reciprocate. 

Even his cat’s pissed at him.

When animals start rejecting you, ya know you got problems. 

And lo, he thought, “oh shit.” 

The moonlight transformation sequence is quite simple by today’s standards of physical and special effects, but it’s still effective. Using the shadows to break up the footage isn’t fooling anyone, especially nowadays, yet it has a kind of fluidity that makes it oddly very evocative. 

A word about Jack Pierce’s makeup. Believe it or not it was originally going to look like this: 

Oink oink. Thank heavens someone talked Jack into a more minimalist look. Jack Pierce, known for his incredible work on films like Frankenstein (1931), The Mummy (1932), and The Wolf Man (1941), to name but a few, appears to have been a tad stubborn depending on the actor he worked with. He had a great relationship with Boris Karloff as far as I’m aware but the harmony working with Hull didn’t last long. There was a rumor going around that Hull was super vain and didn’t want the makeup to obscure his face. The truth of it was there are a couple scenes when Lisa and Paul both recognize him and if the werewolf makeup was applied too heavily, this part of the plot just wouldn’t work. Apparently Hull went over Pierce’s stubborn head straight to Carl Laemmle to fix the problem. The book Universal Horrors: The Studio’s Classic Films, 1931–1946 by Tom Weaver and John Brunas has more on this. (And in the Svengoolie intro to the film featured on ME TV.) The incident paid off because the final makeup was stellar. 

That awkward moment when someone steals your flowers: 

Suddenly filled with jealous rage...

...but wait lemme just put my hat and coat on first. If he does that when he’s full-on werewolf can you imagine how much time it takes for him to get ready normally? Diva. 

The obligatory party scene...

...with a comic interlude from Aunt Ettie who drunkenly says to “Dr. Yokohama” as she calls him, pointing to a dodgy district visible from her flat, that people there would “knife you for a shilling.” But then they hear the howl of a “lost soul” which is the chilling call of Dr. Glendon and it’s time to go inside. 

Drunk lady trope scene. No point in rescuing her she already made a fool out of herself but off they run: 

There is a ring of sadness to Aunt Ettie’s drunk scene because she says “she gets so nervous.” Hello social anxiety. She is a tad obnoxious as a character but this part makes her seem so much more sympathetic. 

“A-woooooooooooo!” 

Ok, that’s not a dog. 

Dr. Yogami is quaking in his spats at this point. 

Even though you know that this is Dr. Glendon, this remains creepy. Who hasn’t thought of a monster clawing their way into your bedroom late at night? They really milk the suspense in this scene. 

Lisa is offended by Dr. Yogami’s seemingly sexist and controlling behavior but in reality he’s trying to save her life. He knows that Dr. Glendon is on the loose and can probably smell her and will likely kill her. But she goes up to comfort her friend anyway. 

Cue the “you just had a bad dream” scene. For once Ettie isn’t full of hogwash. 

Poor Ettie. Seeing a werewolf will sober you up pretty quick. 

Mr. Hyde? Oh wait, wrong movie. 

Apparently all young women of a lower class looked like Hollywood starlets back then. Pretty stylish. 

This is why I don’t have a Tinder. 

Dr. Yogami executes an A+ facepalm. His wrist-leaning skills are classic. 10/10:

I mean, what did he think was going to happen? You can’t blackmail a guy who’s in denial about being a werewolf, it doesn’t work. But then, if he left one flower there you wouldn’t have a second act. 

Paul says that it might be a werewolf attack. He’s almost joking but he makes the suggestion anyway. His uncle, head of Scotland Yard no less (now that’s convenient) thinks this is ridiculous.

Meanwhile Dr. Glendon reads about how he accidentally murdered a woman last night: 

“You’re being utterly hateful, Wilfred.” She sees that he’s not happy and we all know that he’s past the point of no return. Someone has already died. His bitterness at her relationship with Paul is exacerbated by this revelation. But he doesn’t storm from the room or hurt her. He actually acts like an adult, says he’s sorry, and says that he will go out horseback riding with her after all. A lot of reviewers don’t like his character but I find him continually sympathetic. 

Again, it’s a realistic portrayal of a marriage. Dr. Glendon “forbids” his wife to go out on a midnight horseback ride with her ex. As sexist as his I’m-the-man-putting-my-foot-down-with-the-wife routine is, he has a couple genuine reasons for acting this way. He’s worried about her safety cause he knows the moon is gonna make him crazy and he could unintentionally kill her in a fit of jealous rage. And of course he’s ticked off that Lisa is galavanting around with another man. She in turn is appropriately angry with his controlling remarks without having good reason for his concern...plus she wants to prove a point that he’s not making enough time for her in their marriage. 

Mrs. Moncaster explains how decking her “dearest friend” Mrs. Whack was an appropriate action to take in the sake of business.

Dr. Glendon calls himself “Singularly single, madam. More single than I ever realised it was possible for a human being to be...” Which seems to evoke qualities of his situation and depression. He feels so isolated. 

He prays that this transformation won’t happen again but it does.

“If I ran the zoo I'd let all the animals go”  - Dr. Seuss. This is Glendon’s way of causing a distraction so that he can attack another woman but it’s also symbolic of him releasing his inner animalistic nature. 

Ya gotta appreciate the special effects: 

Dr. Yogmai hails from the University of Carpathia. Here to represent.....an institution that I’m fairly certain doesn’t exist. Unless they mean Vasyl Stefanyk Precarpathian National University but that wasn’t established until 1940. Still, he’s a professor of botany so that’s cool. Kind of like Professor Lupin. 

Presumably, Dr. Yogami goes to Paul because he’s well connected and he wants to prevent Dr. Glendon from doing anymore damage. 

A+ usage of the scary uplighting effect. 

Dr. Glendon instructs a servant to lock him in until sunrise. Oh the upper-classes and their odd demands.

Paul still loves her. Duh. She can’t reciprocate because she’s married. 

Those bars are toast.

Henry Hull does a great job of prowling with just the right balance between animal and man.

Now that’s a scream:

Paul to the rescue. 

Paul recognizes Dr. Glendon. (Thanks, Mr. Hull.)

Dr. Yogami’s rooms “smelled like a kennel" when they found the mutilated maid. Yuck. Did he pee all over the room? Not something anyone likes to think about for too long. Especially the head of Scotland Yard. Just look at his face. 

Paul digs through the trash and finds the discarded flowers. 

Maybe Paul should work for Scotland Yard instead of his uncle. 

Hey how was your trip? So, Hawkins (J.M. Kerrigan) doesn’t think it’s odd that Dr. Glendon is hiding from the police? Does he even know why? Did Glendon tell him “hey I’m a werewolf and I accidentally killed people?” or does Hawkins just give him a pass like “it’s his life and none of my business.”? Well, as the scene suggests, Hawkins clearly does not know because he’s confused by how important this damn flower is to Dr. G.

I have to say, I get this excited about my sweet peas every year so I totally identify with his reaction. #humor

How does he even get into the lab?! Dr. Glendon needs better security or just, ya know, locks.

Somehow Glendon doesn’t see Yogami tip-toeing down the steps. How bad does your peripheral vision have to be?!

"You brought this on me that night in Tibet!” (You don’t say.)

The problem with stealing a plant that only blooms as the moon emerges is that the werewolf might kill you mid-transformation. Exhibit A:

They were both doomed anyway. 

Dr. Glendon goes looking for Lisa. 

Lycanthropy makes Dr. Glendon strong. Those chintz curtains and flimsy doors are no match for him.

Paul also lacks clear peripheral vision, apparently. Funny how ya don’t see a werewolf perched above a door you’re about to go into.

With all that jumping off buildings, werewolves must be prime candidates for knee replacement surgery. 

More great uplighting to do justice to some remarkable makeup:

“It’s Lisa!”

Who the hell is Lisa?

Maybe he remembers at this point. Hard to tell. 

A regular bullet does the job. The myth that a werewolf can only be killed by a silver bullet most likely dates back to the legend of the Beast of Gévaudan, in which a humungous wolf is killed by a hunter named "Argent" which is Latin for silver, who uses a gun loaded with silver bullets. The filmmakers clearly don’t feel that this is a necessary part of this movie’s mythology. And in a way, this is a good decision because it makes the werewolf more pitiable and certainly less mythological. If a werewolf has most of the same vulnerabilities as a human, most of the same human rules of existence apply because werewolves are not semi-indestructible. It also just makes werewolves more human and more sympathetic. Werewolf!Glendon is basically afflicted with a kind of disease that could hypothetically be explained by medical science; he isn’t some mythological beast.

We can presume his soul is saved. “Thanks...thanks for the bullet. It was the only way. In a few moments now, I shall know why all of this had to be.” 

“Good-bye, Lisa. Lisa – good-bye...I’m sorry...I couldn’t have made you...happier...” 

(This is immediately followed by the sound of my heart breaking.) Seriously, this isn’t a guilt trip like he thinks Lisa is some overly-needy wife. He knows that he’s not always equip to give Lisa what she needs out of a relationship. He genuinely feels bad. It isn’t because of the lycanthropy, he was like this before, as a scientist. Did he have depression anyway? He might have. He really does love her and they have an understanding. This is probably some of the best acting in the film, the way that Hull delivers his lines and the look on Valerie Hobson’s face tells you so much. 

Thankfully, his death means that he is free of lycanthropy. 

The sun comes up. 

A plane is in the air, presumably Paul and Lisa are off to California. 

And then we get a nice transition into the Universal Studios plane. 

What a trip. Hope you enjoyed my rambling. Until next time. 

[firefly-fez]

one of my friends @sweatiepiexx made the mistake of being self-deprecating in front of me (in our group discord) and I dramatically avowed to commit myself to the destruction of her self-hatred so here we go fam  She gets down on herself sometimes about her difficulty with time management and how she has trouble keeping up with out dnd games sometimes but honestly? She is by far the busiest of all of us and has a lot of responsibilities she manages and we all understand and accept and love her where she’s at ya know.

We miss her when she doesn’t have the time to play with us in our sessions - not because of the way it might affect the game but because we! enjoy! her! company! Honestly she’s amazing! She is a great conversationalist; which our little group of introverts needs very much because the rest of us have half the amount of social skills combined as she does on her own, tbh She is very bright and bubble and she brings a warm happy energy into the room as a result -- of course she gets stressed and tired and sad too but overall she is just very lively and she will make fun of herself for being a bitch which is just! plain! false! You know who identifies themselves as a bitch, when all is said and done? You know where this perception of ‘bitchiness’ comes from, truly?  Women who have absolutely 0% tolerance for bullshit and aren’t afraid to call it out when they see it! and we label these badasses ‘bitch’ as if it’s derogatory :(  Look, people like me are patient and listen to others and sometimes that means we give waaaaay to much of our time and attention to people who will disrespect it. People like her are awesome, because they smite the bullshitters with Power Work Kill and then their little soft smol friends are protected from the Bullshit Leeches who drain their time and energy (seriously, she will talk back to anyone and it is awesome because the instant there is a whiff of bullshitty behaviour in the air it’s one epic bard’s ballad of Bullshit-targeting desruction) SO please do not refer to yourself as a bitch my friend because this is really just punishing strong and independent women for not being ‘ladylike’ and ‘polite’ because they go ahead and tell it like it is, which is stupid patriachal bullshit really and we want to burn all the stupid patriachal bullshit and not give it credence by agreesng to the labels it forces upon us no when it comes to stupid patriachal bullshit we. do. not. give. one. inch She’s very sociable and warm too, she’s cursed with introverts for friends because she’ll be like ‘hey guys do you want to X’ and get crickets in response i swear im sorry we do love you we just don’t like to come out of our lil burrows that often friend BUT I WILL DO IT FOR YOU FRINED. We should go on that picnic!  DID I MENTION SHE GIVES FANATSTIC HUGS, NO REALLY  I’m worried this is getting too long and that she won’t read it all.... TLDR: - we don’t mind when you show up late to dnd, we just love having you there! - being there is enough, don’t stress about fancy character builds or personalities or whatever  - sorry if we don’t show enough enthusiasm at doing non-dnd activities, it is a comment on our introversion not a comment on you - You’re not a bitch, you are a badass BULSHIT DESTROYER and it is fantastic ahhhhh that’s all i guess i hope this made you smile and isn’t too much of an invasion into your privacy/inner psyche LOVE URSELF

<3 <3 <3 <3

[centerofstupidity]

Twilight Chapter 3 Snark

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Chapter Summary: Bella is saved by sparkledouche. And Tyler's van is the best character in this craptastic series.

In the event that this gets flagged, here is another place to read the chapter snark.

When I opened my eyes in the morning, something was different.

"My entire bedroom was covered with sticky notes."

I jumped up to look outside, and then groaned in horror.

Did Bella see demons emerging from the netherworld to rape and pillage? Nope.

Did Bella see an alien invasion? Nope.

Did Bella see Cthulu? Nope.

What did Bella see that is so horrifying? It is snow!

Bella complains that the driveway is a "deadly ice slick."

And since Bella is so clumsy, she thinks "it might be safer for me to go back to bed."

Charlie has left for work and Bella has some breakfast.

I felt excited to go to school, and that scared me.

"I can't lose my weirdo status! That would be terrible!"

I knew it wasn't the stimulating learning environment I was anticipating, or seeing my new set of friends.

Well, duh.

Bella doesn't have any friends and thinks she is smarter than everyone else.

If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen. And that was very, very stupid.

Most people would be turned off by a guy who acts like a bipolar psycho. But Bella?

She thinks he is a hunk and wants to be near him.

I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday.

Bella being brainless? Let me think... Yes!

But she didn't babble to Edward. Bella whined about how her life sucks then got all prickly when Edward started asking her questions.

If I were her, I would be embarrassed that I bitched and moaned to a perfect stranger then acted rudely.

And I was suspicious of him; why should he lie about his eyes?

Did it ever occur to you that perhaps his eyes never changed color and you only imagined it?

I was still frightened of the hostility I sometimes felt emanating from him, and I was still tongue tied whenever I pictured his perfect face.

"A guy who acts like a douchebag gets me all hot and bothered."

Bella whines about her perilous journey to walk down the driveway and get inside her car.

Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish.

For the reader, each chapter is always a nightmare.

And on the way to school, Bella becomes a classic Sue trait: she is the most attractive woman in the universe but she is unaware of her beauty. And the Sue gets the attention of all the men and the envy of all the women.

I was sure I looked exactly the same as I had in Phoenix. Maybe it was just that the boys back home had watched me pass slowly through all the awkward phases of adolescence and still thought of me that way.

Because of course Bella has met all the guys in Phoenix and they ALL viewed her as a gawky teenager. 

Wait a tick... She is STILL a gawky teenager.

And no, guys do not forever think of a girl as an ugly duckling. 

The very moment said duckling becomes slightly attractive, guys will forget any past blemishes.

It's likely that the guys in Phoenix had more girls to choose from and ignored the antisocial surly weirdo.

Perhaps it was because I was a novelty here, where novelties were few and far between.

Because Forks is so dull that they would view Bella as a positive addition to their town.

Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress.

Riiight. Because guys would think a weirdo who trips over air molecules to be adorable.

Bella, you ARE a damsel in distress.

Whatever the reason, Mike's puppy dog behavior and Eric's apparent rivalry with him were disconcerting. I wasn't sure if I didn't prefer being ignored.

"It's so awful having icky guys fighting over me! If I can't be Edward's wife, then I want to be ignored!"

And Mike having "puppy dog behavior"?

Bella has no problem with driving her truck and drives slowly so she doesn't "carve a path of destruction."

She arrives at school and realizes that Charlie put snow chains on her truck.

If I was Charlie, I would have cut Bella's brake lines. Bella is standing by the back of the truck when she hears a loud and high-pitched screech.

It's Tyler's Van and it is on a mission from God.

Nothing was moving in slow motion, the way it does in the movies.

Ya know, I think that comment sounded wittier in Stephenie Meyer's head than it does on paper.

Instead, the adrenaline rush seemed to make my brain work much faster, and I was able to absorb in clear detail several things at once.

For someone who is supposed to be the smartest person in the world, Bella is just standing there while a van is careening towards her.

Edward is staring at Bella "in horror."

His face stood out from a sea of faces, all frozen in the same mask of shock.

Edward Cullen is the only person that matters! Everybody else is filthy peasants.

But of more immediate importance was the dark blue van that was skidding, tires locked and squealing against the brakes, spinning wildly across the ice of the parking lot.

Why is Bella still alive? The van should have crushed her by now.

It is almost as if Satan is trying to prevent the death of a Mary Sue...

Well, that explains a lot...

It was going to hit the back corner of my truck, and I was standing between them. I didn't even have time to close my eyes.

Before Bella Swan can be vanquished, someone saves her. I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

My head cracked against the icy blacktop, and I felt something solid and cold pinning me to the ground.

Don't worry having any brain damage, Bella. 

You need to have a brain before it can be injured.

"Take me like a kleptomaniac, you perfect and sparkling Adonis!"  

Bella is lying on the pavement. The van is determined to vanquish Bella  and is about "to collide with me again."

A low oath made me aware that someone was with me, and the voice was impossible not to recognize.

Who is making an oath?

Is she talking about someone swearing? The horror!

So Sparkledouche protects Bella (boo hiss!) and kills Tyler's van.

Rest in peace, Tyler's van. You are going to see the Spirit in the Sky.

It was absolutely silent for one long second before the screaming began. In the abrupt bedlam, I could hear more than one person shouting my name.

Nobody gives a damn about the driver. Tyler isn't the Sue so he doesn't matter.

Instead, everyone is fretting about Bella Swan, Emo Bitch Extraordinaire and the Queen of Phoenix.

Of course, Edward is worried about Bella who bumped her head.

Bella says "ow."  

"That's what I thought." His voice, amazingly, sounded like he was suppressing laughter.

Bella wonders how Edward got over to her so quickly and he tells her that "I was standing right next to you, Bella."

And then they found us, a crowd of people with tears streaming down their faces, shouting at each other, shouting at us.

It is only logical that everyone cares about a sullen and psycho bitch.

Everyone is panicking and Bella tries to get up. Like a perfect gentleman, Edward pushes her down.

He also orders her to "stay put." Charming.

Bella whines about it being cold. Edward laughs but he is not happy.

She insists that Edward was standing next to his car. Edward then says that he "wasn't".

The adults finally show up.

But I obstinately held on to our argument; I was right, and he was going to admit it.

"I'm the Author Sue! So that means that I'm always right!"

Edward tells Bella that he was standing with her and pulled her out of the way. 

Bella gets pissed off and tells him "no." Edward pleads with her and Bella demands "why?"

Edward tells her to "trust me" and promises to explain everything to her later.

They are both pissed off at each other.

It takes six EMTs and two teachers to move the van so they can bring the stretchers in.

Edward vehemently refused his, and I tried to do the same, but the traitor told them I'd hit my head and probably had a concussion.

How is Edward a "traitor"?  

He promised Bella that he would explain everything.

But he didn't promise that Bella won't be going to the hospital. 

I almost died of humiliation when they put on the neck brace.

"OMG! It's like so embarrassing to like almost die and have all the common sheep staring at me!"

It looked like the entire school was there, watching soberly as they loaded me in the back of the ambulance. Edward got to ride in the front. It was maddening.

Bella wants to be the center of attention...

But once people notice her, she bitches and moans because "OMG! The peasants are gawking at me!"

You can't have it both ways, bitch.

And in real life, no one would give a damn about a sullen and bitchy weirdo.

To make matters worse, Chief Swan arrived before they could get me safely away.

It's odd that Bella is informal with a guy who has "stalker" written all over him than her own FATHER. 

She calls him "Chief Swan". 

Charlie is concerned and this annoys Bella. She tunes him out and thinks about what happened.

When they'd lifted me away from the car, I had seen the deep dent in the tan car's bumper — a very distinct dent that fit the contours of Edward's shoulders… as if he had braced himself against the car with enough force to damage the metal frame…

Stephenie Meyer doesn't know that metal in a car crash does not neatly bend into the shape of whatever it hits. 

It usually dents inwards. 

So Bella should be seeing only a dent.

She shouldn't be able to tell that Sparkle Douche jammed his shoulder against the car. 

And then there was his family, looking on from the distance, with expressions that ranged from disapproval to fury but held no hint of concern for their brother's safety.

Because they despise a Mary Sue.

I tried to think of a logical solution that could explain what I had just seen — a solution that excluded the assumption that I was insane.

AndI love the idea that the entire series is told from the perspective of a horny mental patient.

Naturally, the ambulance got a police escort to the county hospital.

Because Bella is so awesome, she can't say that her dad followed the ambulance.

Instead, she makes it sound like the entire police department escorted her to the hospital.

Bella whines about being in the ambulance.

What made it worse was that Edward simply glided through the hospital doors under his own power.

"It's so unfair. The filthy peasants are paying ATTENTION to me! It's like so EMBARRASSING!"

Bella is in the emergency room. A nurse puts on a "pressure cuff" and takes her temperature before walking away.

Which is strange because the nurse didn't take Bella's blood pressure.

Bella calls the neck brace "stupid-looking" before getting rid of it.

Thank God the hospital staff no longer gives a damn about the Queen of Phoenix.

Tyler is brought in. He has a nasty head wound and has cuts all over his body.

But since Bella is a Mary Sue, Tyler is groveling. Because Heaven forbid, a Sue is inconvenienced.

He ignored me. "I thought I was going to kill you! I was going too fast, and I hit the ice wrong…" He winced as one nurse started dabbing at his face.

"Don't worry about it; you missed me."

"How did you get out of the way so fast? You were there, and then you were gone…"

That doesn't make a lot of sense.

Tyler's van was skidding and spinning on the ice at a high speed.

It would be hard to focus on anything and see EXACTLY what is happening.

But he was able to SEE Bella and RECOGNIZE her. 

Bella tries to explain that it was sparkledouche who saved her. But Tyler is surprised to hear this because he didn't see Edward.

I knew I wasn't crazy. What had happened? There was no way to explain away what I'd seen.

Four words: You knocked your head.

But since Bella Swan is a Sue, she can't have a head injury. What she says must be taken as gospel.

Bella doesn't have a concussion (how shocking!). But she can't leave until she talks to a doctor.

So I was trapped in the ER, waiting, harassed by Tyler 's constant apologies and promises to make it up to me. No matter how many times I tried to convince him I was fine, he continued to torment himself. He kept up a remorseful mumbling.

It's annoying that Bella Swan constantly sneering at everyone.

I still can't believe that some people think Bella Swan is a great and likable character.

So Bella ignores Tyler and closes her eyes. Then, Sparkledouche shows up and asks if she is sleeping.

I glared at him. It wasn't easy — it would have been more natural to ogle.

Because when a guy is a smug douchebag, you should be undressing him with your eyes.

Bella whines that she isn't allowed to leave and then asks him why isn't he "strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?"

Edward explains that he has connections and he is here to get her out of the hospital.

A handsome blond doctor shows up. Of course, Bella has a massive lady boner.

For some strange reason, Bella is surprised that the doctor looks tired and has dark bags under his eyes.

From Charlie's description, this had to be Edward's father.

Charlie only described Edward's father as being a handsome doctor who is happily married.

He didn't say that the doctor had blond hair.

For someone who is supposedly the smartest person in the universe, she is a moron.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen and Bella make polite conversation. He looks at Bella's X-rays and examines her head.

Edward is snickering and smiling.

Why is Edward the love interest? He is acting like douche. Even Bella thinks so.

Carlisle tells Bella that she can go home but she can come back to the hospital if she starts having any problems.

Bella wants to go back to school because she doesn't want to be home with her father. She is pissed that Edward can go to school.

"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," Edward said smugly.

"Somebody has to collect the bets. The majority of the student body wagered that you were roadkill."

"Actually," Dr. Cullen corrected, "most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."

A Mary Sue can't be ignored!

Only an evil blasphemer would do such a thing.

If she breaks a nail, somebody must call the National Guard!

If the Sue has a boo-boo, the entire country flocks to her to present their condolences and offer her gifts. 

And why should anyone care about Tyler?

He isn't the Gary Stu or friends with the Sue. He's a filthy peasant who nearly killed the Queen of Phoenix. 

Bella covers her face with her hands and moans "Oh no." Carlisle says that she can stay in the hospital if she wants.

Bella tries to leave quickly. But since she is such a klutz, she falls. Unfortunately, Carlisle catches her.

She assures him that she is fine. Carlisle signs her chart with a "flourish."

Bella tells Carlisle that Edward was standing next to her. He mumbles an agreement and then starts treating Tyler.

My intuition flickered; the doctor was in on it.

Bella wants to speak with Edward alone. Edward walks away but she runs after him.

He demands to know what Bella wants. Bella insists that "You owe me an explanation."

"I saved your life — I don't owe you anything."

I hate to say it but Sparkledouche has a point. 

He doesn't owe her anything. 

Edward didn't do anything wrong, he saved her life.

Usually, you owe someone an explanation if you did something wrong to someone else.

If you save someone's life, you don't.

Let's say that I punched someone in the face for no reason, I owe them an explanation. 

But if I saved someone from being hit by an oncoming train, I would not. 

Bella whines that he "promised." Edward is pissed off and tells her to quit bothering him.

Since Bella is right, she wants to know "the truth" and "why I'm lying for you."

Edward demands that she tells him what she thinks has happened. Bella blurts out this:

"All I know is that you weren't anywhere near me —Tyler didn't see you, either, so don't tell me I hit my head too hard. That van was going to crush us both — and it didn't, and your hands left dents in the side of it — and you left a dent in the other car, and you're not hurt at all — and the van should have smashed my legs, but you were holding it up…"

This is EXACTLY the type of babbling that a concussion victim would be spewing. 

But since Bella is the Author Sue, she is 100% correct. 

And previously, Bella claimed that Edward stopped the car with his shoulder. 

NOW she is saying that Edward used his hands. 

'Ello continuity error! 

Edward gives her a look like "bitch be crazy" and this angers Bella.

"You think I lifted a van off you?" His tone questioned my sanity, but it only made me more suspicious. It was like a perfectly delivered line by a skilled actor.

If this was a line perfectly delivered by a talented actor, it would be hard to determine if it was the truth. 

Bella is obviously fishing for evidence that people are lying to her.

Because if no one believes her crazy story, then they MUST be liars!

"Nobody will believe that, you know." His voice held an edge of derision now.

Smooth move. You totally didn't blow your cover.

"I'm not going to tell anybody." I said each word slowly, carefully controlling my anger.

Minus the people, she has already told.

Bella keeps harassing Edward for the truth because she claims that she doesn't "like to lie."

Bella also tells him that she isn't going to "let it go."

This isn't shocking since Bella is obsessed with Edward. They glare at each other for a bit and Bella is the first person to speak.

I was in danger of being distracted by his livid, glorious face. It was like trying to stare down a destroying angel.

We get, S. Meyer.

Edward Cullen is the most handsome guy in the universe.

Stop reminding us every five seconds. 

BTW: a destroying angel is a deadly white mushroom. 

"Why did you even bother?" I asked frigidly. He paused, and for a brief moment his stunning face was unexpectedly vulnerable. "I don't know," he whispered.

Because nothing says tru luv when the designated love interest doesn't know why he saved the "heroine" in the first place.

Edward walks away and Bella storms off in a huff.

The waiting room was more unpleasant than I'd feared. It seemed like every face I knew in Forks was there, staring at me.

"It's so icky that the filthy peasants are staring at me. Guards, send them away!"

Charlie rushes over to Bella and asks if she is okay.

"There's nothing wrong with me," I assured him sullenly. I was still aggravated, not in the mood for chitchat.

Bella NEVER wants to chat with the filthy peasants. 

She will only be a chatty Cathy with the sparklepires.

And fuck you Bella! 

Bella tells Dad that the doctor says that she is fine and that she can go home.

Charlie and Bella start walking towards the hospital doors.

She annoyed that Mike, Jessica, and Eric are there and complains that they began "to converge on us."

Bella reluctantly waves at her friends and she is relieved to be inside the cruiser.

Charlie drives in silence and for some reason doesn't put the stereo on.

And Bella is so obsessed about Edward that she "barely knew that Charlie was there."

I was positive that Edward's defensive behavior in the hall was a confirmation of the bizarre things I still could hardly believe I'd witnessed.

It couldn't possibly be that Bella hallucinated everything after hitting her head!

No! The Sue is always right!

They arrive at the house and Charlie says something.

"Um… you'll need to call Renée." He hung his head, guilty.

I was appalled. "You told Mom!"

"Sorry."

I slammed the cruiser's door a little harder than necessary on my way out.

How dreadful!

Bella was almost killed and Charlie dared to tell her mother! 

The insolence!

Even though it would be disrespectful and rude for Charlie not to tell his ex-wife.

And for a character who is supposedly wise beyond her years, she loves throwing temper tantrums.  

My mom was in hysterics, of course. I had to tell her I felt fine at least thirty times before she would calm down.

Bella's mom "begged" her to come home. But Bella has no intentions of leaving Forks.

I was consumed by the mystery Edward presented. And more than a little obsessed by Edward himself.

Bella thinks about Edward 24/7 and called him "mean" when he didn't pay attention to her.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I wasn't as eager to escape Forks as I should be, as any normal, sane person would be.

Bella, you are abby normal and insane. Get that through your thick skull.

Bella decides to go to bed early. She complains that Charlie kept an eye on her and how it is "getting on my nerves."

Then she takes some Tylenol and goes to bed.

That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.

She has been obsessing about Edward since day 1.

And I bet Bella has doodled "B + E", "Mrs. Bella Cullen", "Bella Cullen", "I heart Eddy", "Bedward" and "Bella + Edward = tru luv" all over her notebooks.