#sometimes i have to remind myself that me being this way is also valid

[theriverdalereviewer]

YELLOWJACKET WATCHERS! What are your opinions on Jackie and Shauna

[venusoracle]

pac: winter wishes from your future spouse

this winter, what message does your future spouse have for you? pick a card for a message and chanelled christmas song from your future spouse <3

take only what resonates, this is a general reading

reblogs and likes would be really appreciated! :) i would love to hear which one you picked!

PILE 1

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡ come out and play - billie eilish

hi, my love. how are you? i wanted to let you know -  i wish you could see your full potential. your shyness is cute and i love that you’re introverted because we get along so well (and i actually keep imagining us going on dates and your cheeks being all flushed... so cute) but i wanna encourage you to be more confident sometimes. you are beautiful and strong and i love you. i understand that when you were younger, people were harsh to you when they spoke to you, but i want you to know that it’s okay to stand up for yourself. i’m proud of you and i’m proud of you for wanting to heal your inner child. i know it’s scary and it feels difficult to face your fears… but i promise that your life will change for the better. don’t be intimidated and don’t listen to other people, you’re stronger than you think. i love you, you’ve got this, hang in there, the cold will be over soon.

PILE 2

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡ santa tell me - ariana grande

hey darling!! you’ve been working so hard recently and been so focused, i really admire it. but baby, please don’t get too obsessive with academic / work validation - you are so much more than that, especially to me. i feel like you’re my soulmate and i know that it’s part of my destiny to meet you, do i sound cheesy? anyways, you inspire me to keep working on my goals and to be resilient when i want to give up. your kindness and loving heart already support me during tough times. i can’t wait to meet you, i’ve been waiting so long and i’m so excited to build a future together with you.

PILE 3

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡ love to keep me warm - laufey and dodie

oh baby, i’m sorry that people have betrayed you in the past. you don’t deserve that at all. you’ve been manifesting me and i’m glad that i’ve been helping you in a way… when we meet, i'm gonna feel complete because i know we’ll accept each other for who we are. have you been shutting yourself off from meeting people, love? i feel like you are for some reason :( i know it’s daunting to think that you might get treated badly again but you are a beautiful person who deserves to make meaningful connections. don’t hide away, you’ve got this. also this is hella random but you remind me of a princess :) do i sound creepy? possibly but whatever, don't forget to wear your scarf.

PILE 4

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡ christmas tree farm - taylor swift

i feel kinda shy tbh… hello, i hope you’re doing well. i’m normally not an emotional person but i’m learning how to communicate better recently. i want to change myself for the better cuz firstly, i wanna be successful and also cuz i’m probably gonna have to fight for you lol. anyways, i’m not giving up. take care and stay warm, don't get sick and i'll see you around.

[koirankusema666]

Sit down and listen cuz I’m gonna be so real rn. This is gonna be a long one. It’s a serious topic but it’s positive I promise.

When I first made this account I was quite unfamiliar with the therian community on tumblr but so far it’s been more than welcoming. In fact, at first I thought maybe it was a bit too welcoming. You see I have never seen a community be so accepting of physical therians (holotheres, physical nonhumans and such) and at first I was a little alarmed because I myself have psychosis and sometimes have delusions that people misunderstand and I always thought I should treat other people’s delusions the same way people treat mine. That is, with disbelief and ridicule.

When I started reading about physical therians instead of being understanding and happy for them I got mad. I was livid. I took the acceptance and love of people like me as an attack and I thought people were invading my experiences as a delusional therian and I realized there was a whole new discussion on here that I haven’t heard of. I decided, maybe if I ignore that part of the community, everything would go back to the way it was before. Because I hated that all my life people have brushed my identity off as a thing to “fix” when all I wanted was… acceptance.

I was reminded of a person, though. Anna Lappalainen, the princess of Kellokoski mental hospital. No matter how much they tried to “fix” her, her delusion of being a princess never went away. And it got me thinking. Why is it that we want to erase mentally ill people’s voices and identities and brush these delusions off as things to “fix”?

Why can’t we just accept these identities as they are? Why do we have to tell people how they can and can’t identify? When you tell a physical therian they’re just a mentally ill human, do you really think you are in the position to say that? Did you really think you fixed something there? What, you think they’re just gonna stop?

There’s also something to be said about the human experience not being what it seems and our identities being more than but also encompassing our physical selves. If someone wants to physically identify as something, it’s not going to hurt you to respect that. Just like you wouldn’t go around calling trans men physically female men, you wouldn’t go calling physical nonhumans something they don’t want to be called.

I’m more than welcoming of physical nonhumans now. Because if I’m not, I would forever ignore a part of myself I need to address. And with that, I also want to come out as a shapeshifter. I know I can physically shapeshift, people say that to me all the time too, and it’s freeing to finally admit that. I’m not insane for this and I hope people will accept that. I’m valid, and so is everyone else with nonhuman/therian/otherkin identities, physical or not.

[live-laugh-legolas]

Thanks for your headcannons! How about a sketch where Gandalf, for example, helps fem! reader to cope with anxiety/insomnia and how the rest of the fellowship react to it (but only if it's not difficult for you)

I’ve just focused on the anxiety part of this prompt because I have struggled with anxiety my whole life so I feel more comfortable writing about it

I feel like some of these just turned into me giving advice based on my own experiences so please remember I am a very unqualified unprofessional and I love my therapist and suggest everyone get themselves one (as a little treat, you deserve it 💕)

The Fellowship x reader w/anxiety

Aragorn:

-He is very understanding and patient

-Doesn’t let you be embarrassed about your worries

-If you brush off your worry by asking questions about something similar that feels more “reasonable” to you he will gently call you out

-“what are you actually worried about?”

-Your anxiety might not be rational to others but I feel lol anxiety rarely is; it’s still valid no matter what and he makes sure you know this

Legolas:

-He doesn’t fully understand it

-And by that I mean he doesn’t understand why some people’s brains just don’t work quite right

-Why would your brain trigger a fear response when there is no threat? Is that a mortal thing?

-Although he is confused a bit he will never judge you for being anxious

-He doesn’t even really think twice about what your anxiety is about; he just wants to help

-He quickly picks up on the fact that sometimes there isn’t really anything he can do except be there for you

-Awkwardly brings you water

-He will keep you company if you can’t sleep because he doesn’t sleep anyway

Gimli:

-He will tell you that he will fight any thing that worries you

-He kinda takes an approach of “I’m going to be over the top so they can see that it not something worth worrying over”

-This is not a mocking sort of thing; I want to make that clear; he is not going to tell you that there is nothing to worry about, he hopes you will come to that conclusion with his comedic support

-He will also give you pep talks like he gave himself before going into the Paths of the Dead (I think that was what it was called; the cave with the cursed ghosts)

-I love his softer moments and I think he would lean into this and be a teddy bear and a solid rock ya know?

-He suggests drinking ale if you can’t fall asleep but you have to tell him blacking out isn’t a healthy way to fall asleep (personally I don’t like the taste of alcohol but it does make me really sleepy. I am of age though; don’t underage drink even if Gimli offers it to you)

Boromir:

-“well what is the worst thing that will happen if (insert worry here)?”

-He takes the approach of “this is your worry and this is every way we will handle it should it come to fruition”

-I know this might not be a particularly great way to handle anxiety but I will say to myself “ok the worst thing that happens is you die. Welp if you die then at least you won’t be stressed anymore and don’t have to go to work in the morning”

-It has just allowed me to find some peace with things out of my control

-Basically he will help you find things you can control in your life and help you accept the things you can’t

Frodo:

-He is a really calm person in general and he is also super patient

-He will listen to any and every worry you have even if you have repeated the same worried question multiple times

-He will remind you to bring something of comfort with you; like your favorite hoodie; if you are going to do something out of your comfort zone or that might trigger your anxiety

-Sam is prone to anxiety at times and he has learned how to help him get out of his head a bit and he does the same for you

-I think he will just hand you something to fiddle with as a small distraction and to get a little energy out; and if nothing is available he will give you his hand or let you play with his hair

Sam:

-He takes a very hands on approach; and by that I mean he knows your common anxieties and helps you to avoid anything that will bring them on

-Will throw a heavy blanket on you if you start to panic

-He’s a little stressed while trying to calm you down just because he wants you to feel better

-He also has some anxiety so he sympathizes; you guys can reassure each other

-If you take meds he will make sure you take them even if he has to hold you down and pill you like a dog

Merry:

-My parents always told my sister and I that “they will tell us if there is something to worry about”

-Merry does this

-He tries to “train” you like a dog with a treat to come and ask him if you should be worried so he can tell you yes or no

-He obviously won’t do this if you don’t get a laugh out of it; he doesn’t want you to think he is making fun of you

-And he will be honest; if it he doesn’t know he will check it out before confirming if you should be worried about it or not

-He teaches you breathing techniques and grounding exercises

Pippin:

-This hobbit is super empathetic and will pick up on your anxiety really quick

-He’s subtle with his comfort though

-Will make excuses for you both to leave a situation without putting any attention on you

-He can be oblivious at times, but never to your emotions

-Does the “nose boop” or something silly to catch you off guard if you start to panic which can help pull you out of that headspace

Gandalf:

-Will tell you some wise shit about how everything experiences stress and how everything ends up working out

-“You are more than your fears. Don’t let your fear control you”

-I just think about the scene when he is talking to Frodo about wishing the ring didn’t come to him

-He will pass you his pipe because he smokes his troubles away; but how’s that going for ya Gandalf? *insert scene of him choking on the smoke but he keeps going despite Pippin looking like he thinks he will die any second*

———————————————————————

I have realized I talk a lot about myself and reference my parents and experiences when I’m writing these. Do y’all find that weird or annoying to read? I have found it sometimes is the easiest way to explain where the headcanon idea came from. But I also don’t want to bore anyone with my wordy explanations

[stilljuststardust]

"Married to misery" why it's so hard to let go of the old story.

Disclaimer: Nothing I'm saying is meant as a criticism. I am able to see this in other people because I've seen it in myself.

Before I get into any of this know that you don't have to constantly feel positive emotions in order to shift or manifest. This post is not asking you to magically cure yourself or anything of the sort. I am asking you to be open to the new story. You don't have to feel happy to do that.

Also see: "you don't need toxic positivity to manifest or to shift"

Stepping into the old story is uncomfortable because so many of us don't how to validate our emotions without telling ourselves that we're just "doomed to suffer" or that our suffering makes our journey special.

I am going to be sharing my own experience on this because I want people to know they aren't alone and other people have gone through it and come out the otherside.

I won't describe my exact mental state but know it would've required some trigger warnings. To anyone worried, no this wasn't recent, it was a while ago. Hopefully the insight I gained in myself can shed some light for you.

I was seriously mentally ill for years and what I realized coming out of it is that though I may have craved happiness, I rejected happiness as a concept, because it was uncomfortable, it didn't feel safe or familiar.

I would say that I wanted it all day long but in action I actively fought the idea that it didn't have to be this way. I was infuriated by the notion of change.

To make progress I realized that wanting had to be more than craving but the willingness to accept it as a possibility and the openness to change.

The hardest part of letting go of the old story was letting go of the ways I had used it to validate my personal pain because I didn't know how to without it. Being reminded that things could get better often felt invalidating because I was terrified of not being taken seriously for my suffering.

"I feel awful and I don't like how often I'm feeling it" often leads us into thinking "nothing is ever going to work for me", but it's important to ground ourselves and realize that feeling like shit is not divine undeniable proof that it isn't going to work.

I think it's hard to help people break free of negative mindsets because for many people it immediately leads to a sense of shame and therefore defensiveness.

So many people grow up in environments where their feelings are not validated or taken seriously and as a result do not know the difference between recognizing the role we play in our own suffering and blaming ourselves for said suffering.

The statements "Its not your fault" and "you have the power to change" can and DO coexist.

When you grow up being told your feelings are silly and meaningless you may fall into feeling as if you have to justify and defend your own suffering.

Recognizing the ways we ourselves have fed into it is often a painful experience because it reignites old feelings of shame and hurt.

What people want is to be seen and understood in their suffering. When they don't receive that from others they often default to romanticizing it, telling themselves their pain makes them better, or different, or that pain is in some way beautiful or important as a way to cope.

And honestly realizing that it's not beautiful or unique and that it isn't bettering you in any way can be hard because sometimes it's the only way we know to rationalize it.

But pain isn't inherently beautiful or virtuous, it's just pain.

You don't have to worsen your suffering to be witnessed in it. I see you, I recognize how much you're hurting. Your problems matter to me.

You don't have to prove your suffering for it to be real.

When I finally recognized this mindset within myself is when everything finally changed.

I am not "doomed by the narrative" I'm the fucking author and I will find happiness no matter what because I fucking said so.

Make no mistake, I don't have a good mindset because of luck I have it out of spite. I will have exactly what I want because fuck anyone who told me otherwise.

I promise you CAN manifest. Let go of the idea that you're fighting an uphill battle. You don't have to be.

This is the law of assumption, if you assume that your manifestation journey is long and treacherous, it will be.

[obae-me]

Omg Hi!!! It has been so long since I have seen you on my dash! How are you doing love? I hope you are doing super well ^.^ I recently saw your Mc with trauma post. I loved it so much, and it has also given me a lot to mull over the past few days lol.

Honestly I love the idea of a traumatized Mc and the brothers feeling like absolute shit for the way they treated them in the beginning... but yk another part of me wonders when I imagine my own traumas in that scenario... that for people (the bros- literal demons) who have faced so many things and traumas in their own lives, whether my feelings or pain is even comparable to that. Ik you can't compare things like that and the brothers would probably even be mad if I think of my feelings this way since it's the "Ohhhh someone always has it worse. It's not even that bad so just suck it up" self-deprecating part of me. Despite knowing ALL THAT I can't help but think that I am not traumatized enough to deserve empathy lmao (I realize how stupid it sounds saying it out loud).

So that is what REALLY got me thinking. What about an Mc that is genuinely terrified of scrutiny, being a nuisance and just basically inconveniencing anyone for things that are just basic needs. Idk if I am explaining it well enough oof and a mc like that (like me lmao) certainly won't bode well with Lucifer. Atleast not in the beginning. I could hate him (I could never but if I did) but still be terrified of disappointing him. This is what I mean when I say I love him but he reminds me too much of my father habits wise 🤢.

I am thinking a Mc who is afraid of asking even their basic needs at the beginning once Lucifer mumbled about them being too much trouble. Mc who feels so extremely guilty when the brothers get anything for them, cuz they feel like they have to work for it or they don't deserve it. Mc whose blood freezes over when they break something and try to replace it as quick as possible so no one blames them. Mc who never expresses their concerns so as to not add to the brothers' already full plates or worry them. It hurts to bottle it all up but seeing the brothers' concerned faces with so much PITY is a thousand times worse. Mc who never complains and adjusts to even unfair situations so as to not be a bother. Mc who just takes, takes and takes everything bad and doesn't say a word cuz they feel like they deserve it. Mc who tells little white lies to hide their flaws and be the perfect exchange student and avoid scoldings and criticisms ; only to stew in shame, disgust, self-loathing when someone eventually catches up on one of the lies (the person probably didn't even make a big deal of it/ was only mildly disappointed but Mc feels their heart breaking in two as they think they have broken their trust forever and would never be trusted again)

Gosh this got way longer than I was expecting >.< and a lot of signs like these aren't really obvious until you are close to that person. I think so many of us are so hard and rutheless to ourselves when sometimes the thing we need the most is a little compassion and understanding ;-;

Hi! I love seeing you in my inbox and thank you! I've been in recovery mode for the last few months but am finally coming back out of that cave and working on my hobbies again (seriously going too long without writing almost feels like going without food for me)! I hope you've been doing well too!

And oof, yes, I understand what you're saying completely. I'm like that too in a lot of ways, keeping certain details or complaints to myself because "Oh surely what I've been to is really nothing". And sometimes I let something slip and people get very concerned. Which is validating in a way, not that I need to be validated for it, everyone goes through their own pain and awful things SUCK no matter to what extent it is and I've had to learn that through my life.

(Wow that MC really is just me, huh? Calling me out are you? /j)

Honestly this type of MC is just canon to me. (I mean, the more pithy responses the MC has in original OM might just be due to writing but to me it just seems like the calm and general response of someone throwing out NPC answers as a survival tactic.)

They suck things up and soak up everything that's been said to them and work hard to remain a normal functioning being.

And of course Lucifer is an interesting character to think about with this MC because on one hand the human could absolutely despise him for the way he treats them. Or on the other hand (if you're like me I guess, which I realize is hella unhealthy, oops) the MC could look up to him and work extra hard to try to gain his validation, because getting praise from someone like that means you must not be a failure, right?

And just...the dynamic of that is so appealing to me, because Lucifer loves when people work hard and do what they're told, but then if he finally comes to the realization that they're burning out and actually almost putting themselves in more danger and harm because of HIM? And at the end of the day he's doing more damage than any of his chaotic brothers? (I like to have him spiral and be humbled just a bit)

Just all of the brothers doing some deep introspection once they come to care for MC and needing to sit down and realize that probably made their human feel so much worse and then spending the rest of eternity trying to fix that. And then the "I can fix him" mentality from MC turns into the "I can fix them" from every other character. A special Uno Reverse, if you will.

Oops, this turned into a fairly long ramble of my own...

Thanks for popping into my inbox with your thoughts! Traumatized MC deserves some extreme love

[magicaii]

The fact that when tsukasa tenma experiences something highly traumatic he instantly zeroes in on what he did wrong to end up in that situation, drills into his head how to avoid experiencing something like that again in the future, and immediately tries to forget the event ever happening because it’s not only a reminder of his failure but the memory would also cripple his self value enough to hinder his ability to be the person people expect him to and move forward with a new lesson learned to avoid being traumatized again. The problem with this is that you can’t forget your trauma, because then you’ll never be able to fully process what happened to you and recognize what effect it has on your life and outlook. Tsukasa is never able to do this because he does his damndest best to completely erase the memory. When someone has trauma, it’s a completely normal response to come up with a strategy or solution to deal with the damage you’ve been dealt, whether it’s simply withdrawing from those feelings inwardly or acting outwardly in a way to make sure it can’t hurt or affect you again. The problem is that these aren’t healthy patterns, and you’re supposed to get help so that you can acknowledge what happened and move PAST it. Tsukasa is so adamant to pretend shit never took place that he is stuck in this horribly unhealthy phase with terrible mechanisms to get through it all, and since he never processes his trauma has even taken it to the next level by piling it on and on every time something new happens. Saki forced herself to smile because of me? I can never disappoint someone again. The audience didn’t enjoy our play? I said I wouldn’t disappoint people anymore, so I can’t believe I did it again, I have to double down now. The troupe broke up and it’s my fault? I let them down as a leader, I need to take on every burden by myself so that I’m the one solely responsible for everything and I will make sure nothing goes wrong again. Thing is, all these feelings are valid to a certain extent, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to disappoint people and feeling remorseful when you make them upset. It’s just not good when you’re basing all your worth as a person on how well you live up to peoples standards. He’s so fixated on how well he “performs” that his behaviour becomes EXTREMELY erratic when he is faced with his own failure. Sometimes he straight up lashes out or retracts, both so different from his usual demeanour that people are utterly taken back to the point where even if they are concerned about tsukasa they find it hard to say anything because it’s almost like dealing with an entirely different person. I don’t know how to wrap this up but he’s so mentally ill and I feel that people overlook it a lot because he’s also a comedic character.

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

“And the relative simplicity of her music works with people who just want something mindlessly play in the background. It's also really easy for average people- who have no musical background- to sing along with. The lines are simple rhymes, and she never really uses any specialized vocal techniques like Vibrato. Basically, it's music for bland people who think salt is a spice.”

Some of your takes are valid and it’s healthy to critique anything that amasses such a large following in pop culture. However I would argue there is a way to do this without coming across as a pretentious undergraduate who read a few required and recommended readings from the syllabus and now sips their tea with a pinkie protruding. Let’s remember that tumblr is not inherently full of academics and defining anyone who hasn’t got a certain level of education as average or bland is such an Americanised, my way or the highway way of thinking.

It is possible to have differing opinions to others without insulting their intelligence or falsely presenting them in a certain way. Average people as a term in general, is quite elitist and classist. For example, I have a PHD in literature and am a classical musician. I work in publishing and academia.

That said, I still enjoy pop music, sometimes something can just be enjoyable and it’s not that deep.

Criticising Taylor Swift is low hanging fruit for a lit major who claims to be allied with as many causes as yourself. Or, if you do decide to continue with it, I hope you do it in a more articulated manner that focuses more on the quality of your arguments, and not just an assumption that those who oppose you are stupid or “bland” when I suspect the truth is much more complex than that, as it always is.

Best of luck with further studies. I hope to see more diverse content from you in the future, maybe some literary analysis of contemporary texts, or other artists who you deem intellectual enough to enjoy, or some recommendations.

Honestly- I do not know with which tone I should address this anon. I cannot tell if you are being hostile- but I certainly feel that you are being condescending.  

Thanks for at least direct quoting my words with which you draw issue. I appreciate it- some people send me critiques but fail to outline which of my posts is the problem.  

I can capitulate to exactly one of your points- and admit it is a good point- that I am overly sassy on occasion. The post you are angry about is just me chitchatting with someone about Swift’s live shows- it wasn’t a literary analysis. I cannot do an academic analysis of her live shows- but that does not mean I don’t have an opinion of them.  

Again- it was opinion not argument or analysis. Not a serious post. This is not a blog where I am going to speak like an academic all of the time. I’m here to have a little fun- and try to remind myself why I actually do love what I do for a living.

Generally speaking- I will try to make a more obvious, clear difference between what is just an opinion and what is a researched, literary argument on Taylor Swift in my future posting. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.  

There are some other things about your ask that I want to address, because it struck me as a bit unnecessary.  

You say that I’m “coming across as a pretentious undergraduate who read a few required and recommended readings from the syllabus and now sips their tea with a pinkie protruding” (para. 1). This is condescending. No, I did not simply “read a few required and recommended readings” to complete my education. You say you’ve got a PHd in the same discipline- and yet you want to tell me all I did for my degree was read a couple of books? You should know the kind of intellectual work that goes into real literary study. I am trying to show people with this blog, at least in some small way, that while literary study is not so straightforwardly quantifiably valuable like, for instance, physics- it is still a real discipline. With real requirements on argumentation and logic. It takes intellectual skill to wrestle with concepts in literary theory – but more so to apply them in synthesis and interpretation of textual evidence.   

SO, why are you essentially patting my head and saying “aw-cute she read some books and now thinks she’s smart?”   

To be clear- I am not in undergrad. I have finished two different degrees and am currently working on my third.

Why would you accuse me of classism and elitism predicated solely on a bad joke in a post wherein I am not even doing any real literary analysis? What prompted that? I made no effort to even pretend the post in question was little more than opinion- my real posts however, about literary analysis, I take great pains to research and edit those together with care.  

Also, “Americanized” what? Are you American? Because people ‘round here don’t care about what level of education you’ve got? The access to education varies remarkably state to state- and down into Latin American too- and we all know it. So, there is very much a culture of “help each other out when struggling” and not a culture of thinking that everyone of Earth needs to go through American University in order to matter. What are you talking about? Do you think American’s hold the monopoly on having Dogmatic views or “my way or the highway” thinking? That’s obviously not true- so what are you trying to say here?  

Did you miss the part of my Bio where I talk about being a teacher? I am a teacher in one of the poorest- most unfunded places in the country. My friend- I am repulsed by the idea of classism- I take my position in my community very seriously. Knowledge is not a stick with which I attempt to beat others down- Please understand that.  

Next, you say it is possible to critique without insulting people’s intelligence (para. 2). um, I did not insult anyone’s intelligence? I said their taste in music was bland, which does not correlate to an assumption on their intelligence. Um- I have also said many times that I like simple pop- music. Am I calling myself stupid because I’ve been listening to “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter on repeat? NOpe. It’s just a silly little song- and dancing to it makes me feel cute, young and free- but it’s still a bland song with no literary or moral value. What exactly is the problem here?  

Okay, within this same point you draw issue with my use of the word average, saying that “average people, as a term...is quite elitist and classist” (para.3). Okay, you misinterpreted my use of the word “average” here- as I was not referring to people as “average” because they have no education, or a different education compared to my own. I was only using the term in the most colloquial sense- meaning “in general” or “on average” as in the median percentage of people have no musical background- therefore they find simplistic pop music the easiest to digest and the simplest thing to play in the background or sing to on car trips. It’s pleasing to the ear because we don’t have too much “work” into understanding it- that's what I mean when I say it’s bland. 

If oatmeal was a type of music- it would be pop music. bland filler- but you know it can still be good.   

Okay, let’s talk about your final point “Taylor Swift is Low Hanging Fruit” (para. Whatever I can’t be bothered to count). Ummm? A billionaire musician who has massive worldwide acclaim and social impact is “low-hanging” to you? I mean yeah- she's clearly not worth study through the lens of poetical semiotics, or God forbid- Linguistic Morphology; however, there are several different ways a good analysis of her work could function- through feminist, Marxists, Post-colonialist, or anything under the umbrella of cultural studies. I also intend to do a rhetorical analysis on her use of “lower class” aesthetics and how that attracts the audience she wants. And, I’ve done a couple of syntactical analyses. However, I had to prop those up with a dichotomization of her work to someone with more impressive literary value, like Kendrick Lamar, because her work alone is not strong enough for that type of analysis.  

Apologies if I have written a return, you did not expect or want- perhaps, I should be less sensitive on the internet. I do often brush off people's condescension, especially when I notice that they are extremely young or just do not know anything at all about my field of study. Because why worry about uninformed opinions? I wanted to speak with you, however, because you do care. It is obvious, and I am glad that people do care. I admire you for caring about the integrity of the discipline- but I really wasn’t doing what you thought I was doing.  

 I admire anyone who also studies Literature, and you say you’re a classical musician, I think that’s so impressive! I love classical music! Rachmaninoff makes me feel insane! I love it! You know that one O’Hara poem? The one that is an ode to Rachmaninoff’s birthday that ends “you’ll never be mentally sober” because I feel that line in my bones. And don’t even get me started on Tchaikovsky- Truly, you might never hear the end of it. (CAnnoNS!!!!??? what a guy)

 I just wanted to clear up anything that you found offensive- but I also defended myself because you do know what I’m talking about when it comes to literary study- and so the conversation took priority over the other meaningless “hate” messages I get. And- boy howdy- I've been getting hate messages pretty much daily. 

Promise to no longer be condescending to me and I think we ought to be friends and not fight- let me start- what did you concentrate on for your PHd? 

 I, myself, focus on post-colonialism, feminist theory, and post-modernist thought in American Literature. I work mainly within US Multi-ethnic literature, though, outside of school, I have an intense fascination with medieval or ancient Literature- primarily, these days, classical Sanskrit poetry. Last year it was an obsession with old Norse literature- lol I like to switch things up. Have you ever read the Heliand? It’s about Viking Jesus- so cool and written in old Saxon! But, anyway, I think the unique prosody of Sanskrit is so neat-o. My other obsession is this one old french poem called "le roman de silence" what a crazy little gender-bending 13th century thing that is (haha). And this doesn't even get into my philosophical preoccupations- though I believe I will discuss those on my blog, too, at some point.

Anyway- perhaps I will talk about my more niche interests on this blog- all good things in time. I have no interest in solely focusing on Taylor Swift forever- but I do want to finish saying all the things I’ve been holding back for years. I think it’s important- because Swift holds such a massive influence over people. It’s healthy, as you said, to critique people like that.  

Okay- Sorry I talked soo long. Peace Out :)

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

i'm glad more people are pointing out the flaws and bad writing in spop, and the toxicity in c//a's relationship. however, i do want to remind y'all to not get too biased.

i've seen a few people victim blame catra when it comes to her relationship with shadow weaver, and that's a really shitty thing to do. catra was a terrible person but the way shadow weaver treated her wasn't her fault.

i know that a lot of us like shadow weaver as a character, myself included, but she was still an abuser. she still physically and emotionally tortured a child for no real reason, because abusers don't need a reason. it's all well and good to point out catra's abusive behaviour but what shadow weaver did to her was not her fault.

i've even seen people implying that catra deserved to get abused or that shadow weaver abused her because she was disrespectful or didn't try enough during training. this is a really fucked up take. catra being disrespectful doesn't justify shadow weaver's abuse, that's like saying that adora deserved to get abused because she stood her ground against catra sometimes.

and catra didn't have to attend the horde training, none of them deserved to be groomed into child soldiers. the horde wasn't an environment any of them chose to grow up in. of course, catra's inferiority complex can seem a little hypocritical considering the fact that she never tried to do better, but i can understand the idea of wanting to give up because you're a slow learner or not naturally gifted in something.

also, catra seeking out shadow weaver's validation isn't bad writing or catra being stupid. it's pretty common in abusive relationships, actually. take zuko, for example. he's the example of a well-written character that we all turn to so for once, i'm gonna compare him to catra in a positive light.

ozai was actively abusive towards zuko but he still desperately wanted ozai's validation and approval. this is the result of being raised by an abusive parent. you feel like you have to earn their love, even when you're upset or angry at them, you secretly feel like it might be your fault.

i have to admit, the light spinner episode still makes me feel really bad for catra. the way she asks shadow weaver why she got abused really resonated with me, because i feel like catra secretly blamed herself for the way she was treated by her mother.

she might have told adora that shadow weaver was a horrible, manipulative person but i think deep down, catra had the classic dilemma of hating shadow weaver but craving for her love at the same time. she wanted to believe that shadow weaver might see some potential in her, the same way she did with adora. it's easier said than done to be like “well if you know that your parent is abusive, why don't you just leave them?” or “why did you let them manipulate you again?”

basically what i'm saying is: let's be mature about this whole situation. of course none of this justifies catra's actions and of course she deserves to be held responsible for her abusive behaviour and her war crimes. but let's not cross the line and start being insensitive towards abuse victims. catra did a lot of shitty things but being abused by shadow weaver wasn't one of them.

[wxlfbites]

For at least as long as I’ve been involved in nonhuman communities, there’s always kind of been this emphasis on not just identifying as nonhuman but also being able to accurately label that identity under the massive amounts of terms that exist to describe every variation in personal experience one can have. Hearted identities were seemingly given the “middle child treatment” and experiences like flickers or links or even frequent cameo shifts were often harshly criticized. And while I’m glad to see much of that has changed now, there is still quite a bit of label pushing and a hierarchy of experiences.

Before I distanced myself from the therian community, I was a frantic mess trying to label everything and anything I experienced just to feel some validation among my peers. I lost sight of who I really was deep down because my focus was more on the labels and how to fit them than my actual lived experiences. Now though, I feel so much relief and confidence in my identities that I hardly ever question or doubt myself anymore. Not having a billion words to juggle around stresses you out a lot less, trust me.

All this is not to say I don’t sometimes like to have words to describe my experiences though! Specifically as of late, I’ve been questioning what the squirrel means to me. I sat with the possibility of being squirrelhearted for a bit, but that just doesn’t seem right; squirrels don’t feel anywhere near the same as bears, coyotes and Twilight for me. It occurred to me though that whenever I see squirrels, or objects and art depicting them, I immediately think of my daemon. Her tiny voice in the back of my mind squeaks with excitement at recognizing herself, the same way I do when I see a wolf. “It’s me”, she says, “it’s Philomena”, I say. I get this warm, aching feeling in my stomach like I just have to have the object, that I just have to be with my daemon in the physical.

So I wondered what I could call this feeling, an almost hearted adjacent experience. And I remembered the word I “coined” for such things as this - and many other types of feelings of being drawn to something -: Calling.

Squirrels call to me because of Philomena. I like them because they remind me of my squirrel-girl. I like watching their movements because it helps me visualize Philomena. I feel drawn to squirrels because they make me feel closer to her. They bring her to the front of my mind and briefly give us back some closeness to each other that we’ve lost recently. Without Philomena, squirrels don’t mean much to me. It’s only because she’s a red squirrel do I feel an affinity with them.

Calling definitely feels like a good fit

[borderlinereminders]

hi april, thank you so so much for this blog <33 about two years ago, I lost two favorite persons at once when they started dating and we cut contact, and it's been an uphill climb with my BPD ever since. In that time, though, I've started dating my wonderful boyfriend and I've made a lot of strides in communication and managing my feelings. No small part was due to your advice and insight, and I've come to understand my own feelings and urges a lot more rationally. That said, though, I did want to ask directly for your thoughts on something. I'm not sure if its a common experience for other borderline folks or if its just me, but a lot of times when I'm with my boyfriend/FP in person and I get mad about something, I turn away or leave the room to gather myself. However, almost every time I do, being alone (even while in the same room) lets my thoughts spiral out of control. I don't want to constantly rely on my boyfriend's presence because then I risk blowing up at him. But, I feel like I risk making myself more upset whenever I leave too. Do you have any tips on how to manage your feelings in a face-to-face conversation with your favorite person? Or, failing that, how to collect yourself when feeling isolated and abandoned? thank you so much!! <33

Hi anon,

I definitely feel similar when I walk away. I deal with this by distracting myself with something. For me, TikTok or my puzzle game are super distracting and give me something to focus on. ACCEPTS is a great skill for distraction. Sometimes I might need to start by using my Urge Surfing skill first though!

Things like self-care boxes, fidget items and grounding exercises can be good for calming down.

Once I’ve done that for a little, I look at a list of things my partner has done that made me feel loved or happy. Things like surprising me with flowers, or times he’s really been there for me. I might also read cards or letters he’s given me, or read screenshots I’ve saved. This part helps me with the black and white thinking. Reminding myself that there is so much good about him is important to me because of the black and white thinking. When I’m upset, it’s easy to forget.

Once I’m reminded of the good and how much I love my partner (lack of emotional permanence sucks) I think about the conflict and analyze it. I check the facts. Sometimes it’s my irrational thoughts creating a conflict, and in this case, I might challenge my irrational thoughts. Sometimes I need to talk it out with my partner but I do it in a way that is more me asking for reassurance.

Sometimes there’s an issue we need to resolve, so I figure out what that is and possible solutions or compromises.

Then I go back to my partner, and if he is also ready to talk, we talk. We both give each other a chance to have our feelings heard. We both validate each other’s feelings and remind each other we love each other. If there is something to take accountability for, we make sure we do that. Sometimes it’s one of us. Sometimes it’s both.

And then we discuss the problem with the intent of solving it together.

I may use things like DEAR MAN, GIVE and FAST or a combination of more than one of them to help me communicate. (I’d try and plan out a rough idea of this in my planning stage). But how I communicate largely depends on the situation and the goal.

For handling the conflict itself, I wrote a bit more about handling conflict in this post.

Make sure you don’t forget to give yourself credit for trying. And don’t beat yourself up if you mess up. I still sometimes mess up and have to apologize. It’s normal. And I think it’s amazing you’re aware of this and working on it.

[kojoty]

It's obviously a complex question and discussion and I'm certainly admitting to a level of blue-state privilege wherein my vote really only matters in so far as working towards getting funding for a third party, like green; not to mention the privilege of, being in such a blue swaddled state, my rights are not immediately at stake-- so I am including myself in this but.

I really, really, really, really wish people in blue states like Cali, new York, Illinois, etc-- heart of dem territory and the places where your rights are NOT at contest-- would sometimes shut the fuck up and listen to the extremely valid worries and fears and pleas of people in deep red states. I think saying 'it doesn't matter who is in office, they're basically two sides of the same coin', while true ideologically in the grand leftist scheme, it also does betray a certain level of handwaving to millions of Americans where who is in office DOES matter.

And I know this is the anti colonialism website, and so we don't really want to talk about domestic issues as much as foreign policies-- completely understandable given the current global conflict-- but consider America is a vile colonial project, that which we do to our domestic underclasses IS a colonial issue as well.

I am not going to say 'go vote!' because who am I, Hillary Clinton? But I guess I am trying to say... It is really frustrating as someone who does a lot of on-the-ground community resource work in his fairly privileged area and see how the difference in economic status between a democratic and a republican president really matters, and then come on here and see the ever present leftist issue of taking ideology over material. I cannot imagine the landscape of on the ground resource work in more impoverished areas.

(most Marxists in this website really obfuscate how much material work they actually do, and are, in fact, often pontificating on ideological castles in the sky, but that's another post)

The tldr here really is: the amount of deep red state southerners who are telling you with crystal clarity that someone like Harris in office is magnitudes safer than someone like Trump in office, and urging people in states where it matters to vote....... I mean. You don't have to listen to them (even though I think you should hear their perspective), but the least you could do is not completely ignore and shun the very real realities of millions of Americans who are with good reason scared shitless that one nominee will keep the liberal hegemony (also vile-- don't take this as me condoning it), and the other will systematically make their very existence illegal. That isn't to say it can't still happen-- roe v wade-- under a dem, but. You... You do realize that it does actually matter to some people in certain states whether the pres is red or blue, right? And that yes it sucks that we have to play by American rules to keep some folks safe but.

Idk. The amount of 'leftists' on this site who paradoxically care far more about their ideological purity than the actual people who need actual material work done is... Well, that's not my leftism tbh. The amount of condescension I see levied at people daily on here. It's not just a bad look. It's Imo betraying to me that your politics are more about signpostibg and being right than actual community and human care and connection . And it happens! Ideology is a tantalizing thing. I have to constantly divorce myself from it and reintegrate into the ground. But you can't make policy out of air. You can make policy out of soil. You have to remind yourself of the faces and the beating hearts your ideology is addressing. Even if you're RIGHT are you giving the infoemation in a way that actually cares?

Idk. I don't wanna tone police. But there's a very deep seated and real classism and privilege issue within the online left that is...... Distasteful to say the least. Idc if you go vote. But the least you could do is not bully people who are more scared for policy changes that will actively affect them. It is not betraying fear and outrage at what is happening outside of these borders-- the atrocity in Gaza-- to also be scared of your own living conditions. One can balance both.

[deadmomjokes]

as a teacher, hearing about the way you communicate so clearly and thoroughly with your child is so inspiring. I wish more people had resources on how to communicate with kids like you do.

I'm very bad at taking compliments, so I'll just say "Thank you" and also qualify that she makes it pretty easy. She's very smart and has always, from day one basically, needed to know the reasons behind everything. In other circumstances, she would probably be called "stubborn" or "defiant." But the thing is, I remember my own "stubbornness" growing up, and it was almost always the result of me not understanding why things were the way they were. From a young age, I hated with a burning passion the "Because I said so" thing. So I determined that I didn't want to do that when/if I had kids of my own.

My daughter is very bright and curious and makes that easy for me. Her "why" phase was/is pretty specific, which is helpful in keeping ahead of the frustration-induced rage-meltdowns. (Not all of them, of course, because some concepts are really hard to grasp even as an adult, let alone when you're 4 years old and everything Feels Too Big.)

But I also made a conscious effort to start practicing early, before she could talk or push back on a lot of stuff. It felt so weird and silly at first, but I basically narrated everything I did with/around her, and put a reason for it. So a trip to the store sounded like this:

"We made it to the store to get our groceries, so we have yummy food to eat. Let's go inside and get a buggy--that's where we'll put all the things we get, because we can't carry them all in just our hands. I'm going to put you in the buggy, too, right here in this seat, that way you can see what's going on but I have both my hands to push the buggy and grab the things we need. Here, look, some bananas! Let's get some of those because you love to eat them. Oh, no, sorry baby, we can't eat them right now. This stuff isn't ours until we pay for it at the very end-- that's the part with the beep-beeper and the bags. When we get home we can have some of the bananas, because then they are our bananas." Etc, etc, on and on.

People looked at me like I was nuts. It felt a little nuts at times, especially before she could respond verbally. But it worked. It built a habit for me to give a reason for why I'm doing things, or making her do things. More importantly, I feel like, it made me stop and question when I didn't have a good reason for my answers or behaviors. Like if she comes up and asks to blow bubbles outside, and I go, "No baby, not right now," she can be like "why not?" And I have to look at myself and my reasoning. Is it because I'm actually busy or we're genuinely about to do something else that precludes the 5 minutes it'd take to do bubbles? Or is it because I just don't feel like it? It's not fair for "I don't feel like it" to supersede her desires for connection and entertainment all the time. (Sometimes you're just worn out and don't have the bandwidth for it, and that's valid. Parents are people too! But it can't be all the time, yk?) So if I don't have a good reason why not, I let her know that I thought about it more and changed my mind, and off we go to blow bubbles.

I also heard the advice, idk where or when, that you need to practice on your children what you want from them. So if I want my child to be kind, I have to be kind to her, in ways that she can see and appreciate. If I want her to know it's okay to change your mind, I have to point out when that happens for me, like in the above bubbles example. If I want her to be a decent human being who respects others, is empathetic, appreciates the efforts of others, speaks kindly, thinks about how her actions impact those around her, etc... You get the idea. It starts with me. And I try to consciously remind myself of that fact.

It's not always easy, because kids aren't always rational (but to be fair, neither are adults lol). And what is rational to a 4 year old is not always the same as what is rational to me, the adult with almost 3 decades of experience more than her. So sometimes it's like explaining to the wind why it ought to blow in a different direction. But the longer I get to know her, the more I'm able to pick up on the way she sees things, her personal defaults, the way she talks around concepts she's not sure about, etc. It's part of what's cool about getting to be her parent. I get such a close-up view of this little person becoming a little person, and it makes me stop and think about things I have taken for granted for a long time.

I'm rambling again, but I have developed a lot of Strong Feelings about the way kids are treated and looked at in general, and a lot of determination to do better for the kids I get the privilege of loving.

[autismisaokay]

Something I’ve been trying to work on is lately is over sharing. I know I’m not the worst person I know of for it, but it really bothers me. I think part of it is the fact that while I can have a conversation I have trouble keeping it going. So the words slip out before I can catch them to keep the conversation going. I know it’s a matter of being a better person to myself and learning to self regulate better so I don’t do that. That way I don’t seek that validation and setting the reminder that, is the validation I seek now worth the anxiety I’m going to feel later for telling information I wasn’t 100 percent wanting out there in the first place? Unfortunately the whole my mouth beats my brain to it first continues to circle back to being a problem. I also have trouble gaging sometimes when the too personal has gone on for too long.

I will say it helps I have a circle of people who forgive me and understand. Or will change the subject in a way that doesn’t make me feel bad. I don’t always get when or why they are doing it but I do a good percent of the time. I’m proud of that growth.

[gemsofthegalaxy]

It really bothers me when people say "the internet is not real life". I can understand to some extent what people are trying to communicate with this, a lot of the interactions on the internet can be surface level, don't allow you to access much understanding of the people involved, that people often hide and lie on the internet due to the anonymity it affords so it's hard to get deep or know if you're getting the truth.

But even with that, the manipulation people experience from bad actors on the internet is very much real, first off. Not to get so serious and negative right off the bat, but, saying that "the internet isn't real life" and stuff that happens on the internet "doesn't matter" because you don't really know the people is just.. false? It really discredits the genuine emotions and experiences that people can have, good AND bad, with other real life human beings that happen to take place digitally.

One of my very best friends and I have been, for years, like ships passing in the night, moving across different provinces and cities such that we no longer live in the same place. Our friendship is as deep and real over the internet as it was when we first met in person. The worst friend breakup I've ever had from someone who was, at times, quite toxic towards me was someone I knew primarily online for a few years and only met once for 1 week. Even if we'd never met at all, the agony I felt when we were fighting would not have been any less real. My very first romantic relationship was with someone I never met in person, it was not an unreal or invalid relationship. People have had long distance relationships for ages, even before the internet people kept in contact with each other through letters when they could not be in the same place.

Again, I get that reminding people that short, vapid interactions that take place on the internet should be treated less seriously than they feel sometimes. It's like a stranger just yelling some rude comment which would be less likely to happen in "real" life and therefore should be disregarded. But the way it's phrased as a catch all "the internet is not real life" it's hard not to take that as as assertion that the genuine relationships that are developed and maintained on the internet are somehow less worthy, less valid, and not as important as ones that are in person.

And believe me. My biggest fantasy is teleportation, I would give so much to be able to instantly transport myself to another location where a friend might be, I don't devalue the importance and significance of having people physically nearby. It is important, and usually ideal, to be able to physically see one another. But it's also sometimes impossible, and the lack of physical interaction does not actually diminish the value and importance of a relationship, either.

[sotwk]

As a (still somewhat new) Silm writer I'd like to reassure you.

I did not manage to successfully read the entire Silm until 2 1/2 years ago. When I was 44. It is a tough book because it's not a novel, it's like a super zoomed out overview of a very long period of time.

It has A LOT of names (and I'm bad with names to begin with) and a lot of these names are unnecessarily similar. And everyone has at least 3. I could not keep track of anyone. I thought Feanor was the one who got hung by his wrist. I was so confused.

I still go back and re-read sections that pertain to whatever it is I'm writing to remind myself what is there and I still find new things or things I had forgotten or make new connections because despite being super zoomed out, it's also just jam-packed with details that can be an entire story in half a sentence.

The way I managed to finally get through the Silm was to watch youtube videos that went in depth into narrow categories that allowed me to understand the characters, story elements, or other things in smaller, more bite-sized approaches. That means when I finally read the Silm I was familiar with the stories that it was telling in a way that let me understand and enjoy it.

I actually started by reading The Children of Hurin, the "stand alone" published in... what '07? Which got me very, very excited for 1. that story and 2. the larger stories around it.

But the reason I actually even started that was... to properly understand the backstory of my 4th age Avari OC and his bestie, an unbegotten Elf. I have written over 50k of their story in the 4th age.

So getting into the Silm to write stories for your LotR characters is 100% Valid 💖

I apologize that it took me so long to get to this Ask or message, but I'm "answering" it now so that the rest of the Tolkien fandom can take inspiration and reassurance from your experience.

The Tolkien fandom on Tumblr has been generally toxic-free (at least compared to other fandoms). I hope we can try to make it gatekeeping free as well, and welcoming to fans from all backgrounds and levels of knowledge! We were all newbies once, and we all have varied interests in the vast world Tolkien has created. :)

PS. I can't even remember exactly when it was that I read the Silm--I just know it took years and that I started sometime during my early 20s. But I think I bought the book even before then, and it just took me time to finally pick it up and READ it! XD