#sometimes living forever ever after isn't the happy ending

[hydrachea]

Yknow I was also thinking... if Neuvi were to ask Furina to become immortal again for his sake, she might actually say yes. Which is exactly WHY he'd never ask her to do so, because as much as he dreads her inevitable absence, he won't condemn her to that fate again

You got it. Because when she took on that curse half a millennium ago, it was also a request she agreed to. For the sake of all of Fontaine and not just the sake of Focalors, but it's still all too similar. Even if she said yes to him because she actually wants it then, who's to say she'll always want it? Who's to say the decades, the centuries won't weigh heavier and heavier as they pass, just like before? Who's to say she won't have to ask him to make her mortal again? And that would be even more painful than simply letting her go when she's meant to. So instead he'll treasure the time she has, that she's more than earned, and he'll do everything he can for her to treasure it too.

[dixons-sunshine]

Daryl Dixon x Mom!Reader With Baby Headcannons

*GIF isn't mine*

Warnings: None, really.

Word count: 802

A/n: I'm in desperate need for some Scud Frohmeyer or Daryl requests. I have two requests that I'm working on right now but I have no idea where I want to go with them, so they're going to be on hold for now until I get the motivation to write them again. I'm so sorry, but I'm hoping that some new ideas might spark some motivation back into my mind, then I can go back to those stories and give it my all!

—

★ For Daryl Dixon, there were only three days in his entire life that meant the world to him—the day you became his, the day you told him that you were pregnant and the day your baby was born.

★ When he held his baby for the first time, he definitely teared up a little. The little being in his arms was so tiny but so perfect. He would die to protect his baby.

★ Daryl would have no problems with staying up late to take care of the baby while you slept. In fact, he would insist on it most of the time. He didn't want to be the type of guy who slept while the girl had to always take care of the baby. You and the baby were the most important people to Daryl, and if it meant offering up his sleep to ensure you both were okay and that you, the mother of his child was well rested, so be it.

★ Although Daryl took most of the night shifts with the baby, there were a lot of times when you'd refuse to go back to sleep and stubbornly stay up with him.

★ In those 3am times with the two of you taking care of your bundle of joy is when Daryl would wonder how he managed to get that lucky. Merle had told him once that people like him and Daryl weren't cut out to have families and that even if they did, it would bring them nothing but misery.

★ But there he was, holding both the love of his life and his baby, in his arms, and he was the happiest man in the world.

★ Daryl would be so affectionate with the baby that you wished that you had a video camera to record it.

★ He would tell the baby stories that he could vaguely remember Beth telling Judith back at the prison, and he would tell them in the softest voice ever. There was no doubt that he loved that baby with his whole heart.

★ He would definitely also be extremely affectionate with you. Cuddles, kisses, hugs, you name it. Mainly because he's happy with his little family, but also because he's relieved. He knew the risks of dying while giving birth were there, so to have you alive and well after the birth was a huge relief to him.

★ While the feelings of happiness and love overpower his other emotions most of the time, doubt and fear still creep up from time to time.

★ Daryl feared that something would happen to you and the baby. It was a dangerous world you lived in and anything could happen at any given moment. But Daryl swore to himself that he would die fighting to protect you and your little one.

★ Daryl also doubted sometimes if he was a good father. He never had a good example of one growing up and he feared that he would end up being like his father. But even as those thoughts plagued his mind, one look at his baby and he knew that he would never be able to be that cruel towards his little one. However, the fear still lingered, and it would probably be there forever.

★ You and the baby came first. Always. You thought Daryl was overprotective while you were pregnant? It would be nothing compared to when the baby is born. Everybody knew not to even look at you wrong or they would be food for the walkers.

★ His escapades beyond the walls would decrease significantly. He preferred to be by yours and the baby's sides as much as he could, and nobody would be able to tear him away.

★ Daryl has definitely snuck a picture of you holding the baby in your arms while the both of you were sleeping. He keeps it in his pocket at all times.

★ Daryl would definitely keep the baby in his arms at all times if you ever had to venture beyond the walls.

★ Yours and the baby's safety were his main priority, so he definitely wouldn't let you out of his sight until you're all back inside the walls again.

★ He loves you both with his whole heart, that much anyone could see.

[http-finnick]

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐫

finnick odiar x fem!reader

summary: after the war, your whereabouts are a mystery left with missing next to it. finnicks days are gloomy without his love as jealous friends burden him.

request: hi I love your finnick stories so much!! i really like reading them ♥️ i saw requests are open an was wondering if you could do a finnick x reader where its after the war and he thinks shes dead but later finds out she’s alive and he’s just happy and excited to plan their life together? thank you ♥️

I dont..miss her. it's strange. I- I want her here it's just..I feel like I've lost something..like I'll find it soon. It'll be in arms reach soon, just...wait. that's all. wait.

"you're grieving. It's denial" his head pops up to see a red-headed woman cross her legs, he almost forgot he was saying that all out loud

"she isn't missing, Finnick, she isn't at arms reach. She's dead." Annie moves her hair behind her ear before resting her head on her hand, staring at his expression, for a reaction to her statement

"some shrink you are." he scoffs, he hates how she's talking. she isn't dead. she cant be.

"...finnick" pity. her tone is pitiful and there's nothing he despises more. he struggles to find logic to support his calm as he fumbles from rage

"no body."

"what?" "no body. no proof. she could be alive" now he stares straight at her. her wide brown eyes flashing a sign of annoyance before being coated with a wave of seriousness.

"we went over this. you need to look at the facts-" "I am. no body." now he's getting defense, how could she say that? wheres her hope? she never gives up on anyone why would she give up on you so quickly?

"you called me a shrink. I'm not. I'm a friend and you need to listen to me as that. mourn her. do it now before you hold onto her forever"

.

she's gone. I know that now. I don't talk about her anymore, annie doesn't like the noise. mostly to myself when I want to reminisce on good memories that just end up with me crying in the bathroom like a pathetic wimp. sometimes I think to talk about her to annie but she just tells me to let go of her. but I can't.

the 5 stages of grief. Annie told me about that. is confusion one? I feel confused.

I sit on the island counter as I hear fabric on fabric, it's the dress of annie swiping against itself as she walks in to check on me.

"hey, you okay?" she leans against the wall, fiery red hair longer than ever as she awaits my answer

"uhh, yeah, yeah." brushing it off as I sit up, she isn't satisfied. he knows but it isn't the time.

"wanna talk about it?" seriously? he can? and to think she hated the noise

"it'd be nice" he answered sniffing slightly as he was already getting emotional

"what's the matter?" she sits down and motions for him to do as well, he hesitates, feeling more in control of the situation by standing and looking away, but, he sits.

"uh, I'm really am missing her a lot more" he watched her chew her cheek and he starts to feel claustrophobic. is he a burden? an annoyance to bring up the past? to dwell so heavily?

"what are you hanging onto so much?" her tone is soft but he knows spitfire when he hears it, he smiles and bites his bottom lip, he knew it was too good to be true.

"what?" shes clueless. utterly clueless and he's about to snap

"no it's just, wow."

"..wow?"

"you tell me to mourn but I'm never allowed to!" he smiles while sitting up, completely done. over her bullshit and looking for a fight

"well, mourning isn't clinging onto things fin." she hits right back, ready to get this over with and go to bed.

"what the hell is wrong with you? I- I have no one to fucking talk to!"

"you aren't here when you talk! you are somewhere else living in the past and you can't hear anyone when they tell you the truth!"

"oh- oh so what this truth?" he pushes her, ready for her to say, daring her to.

"that she's dead and you need to get over that." she strikes for the kill and it fucking hurts. he bites his tongue as she scoffs and tries to form a semi-redeemable apology that he knows he just bullshit

"no. I need you to get the fuck out." he waves his hand mindlessly towards the door as he stares at the floor, feeling blood pool into his mouth from biting his tongue a little too hard

.

two of the most important women are gone from his life and he only has a chance with one of them.

he wears dress pants and a button-up with flowers he picked this morning. he needs at least for this to work out.

he slides the bouquet onto the counter and lets his fingers run through his fluffy locks as he opens the fridge, trying to find some drinks they can have together as he scans the empty cold box.

he throws his head back at the sound of the rippling scream of his phone, he can't deal with post-capitol shit right now.

he swings his feet and grabs the telephone off the wall, stating his name and 'hi' as he waits

a woman chimes in on the other line stating herself and her authority as she starts to say things he doesn't really understand, numbers of times and dates, he doesn't do appointments or capitol press anymore

"wait- wait. I'm sorry, what?"

"for ms.l/n, when will you arrive for her?" he drops the phone as his throat closes up. they found her. they found her. they found her.

her body.

pickup. they want me to come to get her. his knees became weak and he slid to the floor, only now hearing her voice asking for him as it dangled next to his shaking body

he grabs it and puts it up to his ear, his voice cracking as he asks what date, time, and location to...pick her up.

he couldn't help but notice the way she talked about 'ms.l/n' in a slight past tense. he wanted confirmation for the longest time but it was bittersweet knowing she was actually gone. no fuck that. it's bitter it hurts like hell. it feels like the day he found out she was gone and panicked looking for her, though this time actually finding a body. he isn't gonna let Annie's "coping 101" infect his brain now. he is in pain. he feels like he is dying.

his love is gone. It's been months of her gone but now she's gone.

the train ride was silent as he just sat there in shock the whole time. he was lucky enough to get one today. he hopes they are wrong, hoping when he walks in it'll be someone else.

he stumbles into the hospital, telling the nurses about the call and about the woman on the other line. they tell him a room number and he floats there without question.

he notices how the room isn't leading to a morgue but rather a patient room. maybe it's full. maybe they found her with other missing troops.

and turns the door and cracks it open, he can't stop himself to shut his eyes tightly as he hopes shes is in a zipped body bag at least

he opens his eyes right when he walks in.

there. it's you. no doubt.

it's you sitting up. you're alive.

"y-y/n?"

"holy shit finnick..you're all dressed up for me?" how, how could you joke at this time? how can you joke at all? you were dead. he thought you died he-

he sprints towards you and hugs you tightly, tears flowing from his eyes as he smells you, feels you, loves you again

"I- I thought you died.."

"me too" you mumble feeling your own tears slip out as he weeps against you. you're safe.

"I love you, I love you so much" he cries out, not daring to pull away from you but you manage to lift him up just enough to be face-to-face with him. you kissed him softly, his lips familiar and warm

"I love you too"

you're thin and bruised. utterly beaten down by nature as your busted lip smiles at him, and he knows no matter how long you were lost you were the same old you deep down.

"let's get married. let's get married and move anywhere you want." he smiles, thinking of living with you in the meadow, alone, just the two of you.

"woah, next you're gonna say let's make a million babies" you giggle, pretending like you weren't about to say the same thing.

"not quite a million my love but close to it" he laughs and you fall into it as well. wiping your tears with your free hand had only now noticed how hard your other hand was gripping his

"I missed your laugh so much" he sniffs, tears still spilling out as he smiles at you

"I missed everything about you so much" you dip back in to kiss him and he goes right to it, hugging you deeply as he thinks about how soon you'll be his wife. soon he'll be your husband and soon you two will have a life. a real one.

an: I hope this is okay! I added Annie drama on accidentally lmao. I hope I didn't pace it weirdly and I hope I was able to catch how Finnick was feeling at least a little well. like he knew deep down she was alive but he was just mourning her absent presence. I hope you guys enjoyed it! mwah, love you so much!

[itsjusthockey]

Hughes Hatty - Jack Hughes

A/N: Hello friends, I'm back. This is for the many people who requested Jack’s hat trick. I combined a lot of them, so I hope you love it.

Also, don’t forget to send me some love. I love chatting and interacting. The more love I receive, the more I’m motivated to write. 😏😉

wc: 1,871 (credit to gif maker) (please don’t steal my work) (also slight suggestive material toward the end)

————————————-

There were two things in the world you currently knew. One, the soft pretzel you were devouring was the most delicious thing ever, and two, your boyfriend wasn’t human.

You held your breath and clutched the pretzel hard when Jack raised his stick, aiming for his third goal of the night. You waited about a millisecond, but it seemed like forever when the puck sailed through the air and smacked into the net. Everyone sat there for a second in disbelief, and then everything went crazy. The floor shook from the jumping fans, people were screaming so loud you would think that the decibel reader would break, and hats were flying on the ice. Just like everyone else, you were suddenly on your feet, cheering as loud as you could and pulling Luke in for a bone-crushing hug since he was the closest thing to your boyfriend you could get to

A hat trick. A fucking hat trick.

You watched as Jack hit the glass, surrounded by his teammates and your heart soared when you saw the pure glow of happiness that radiated off of him. His energy and the energy from the packed arena were contagious. You couldn’t help but laugh and continue to cheer as loud as your voice would let you.

It was a good game, scratch that, it was a great game, and you couldn’t wait to get ahold of your boyfriend. A game like this was enough to make you almost want to cry. You had been there for Jack during his rookie season, and he'd hated it. Everyone believed he would be a draft bust—a pretty boy who had confidence but couldn't back it up. However, you looked at him now and only saw his infinite potential. Yeah, you may be a little biased, but you knew Jack, and you knew he was a great fucking player.

The game ended with a devil's win, and the second the clock ran out, you and Luke headed down to the devil's tunnel, hoping to see the man of the hour.

As soon as you make it to the tunnel, you quickly realize that you should make yourself comfortable; Jack is going to be busy for a while. You immediately see him being swarmed with media cameras, and you can't help but shake your head at how cocky he looks.

"He's going to be insufferable, isn't he?" You stated, turning to Luke.

"He's bad after one goal, and plus, you're here."

"I'm here? What difference does that make?"

Luke rolls his eyes. "Oh please, Jack lives and breaths to impress you."

You shrug your shoulders, "As he should."

You turn your attention back on your boyfriend, who is making the many interviewers laugh with whatever he has just said.

"What do you think he's saying?" You ask Luke.

"Don't know."

You continue to watch as Jack talks; he’s gotten better recently in interviews. He’s better at acting suave and having good answers. Yet, after the “gato” incident a couple of weeks ago, you can't help but think there are sometimes no thoughts in his pretty little head.

You're staring hard again when suddenly you catch your boyfriend's sight, his eyes widen, and a bright smile takes over his features. He says something hurriedly, and you can tell he is trying to excuse himself from the interview in a polite way. You try to tell him to be patient telepathically. You’re not going anywhere.

He seems to finish a few minutes later, and the second he gets away from the mic, you see him make his move, trying to slide away. You can’t help but chuckle as you watch him try to sneak off toward you, but before he gets three feet, he is intercepted by another camera. Of course, you can’t blame everyone; the first hat trick of a career is a big deal. You’ll have to wait your turn.

You focus back on Luke, and you both busy yourself with aimless conversations about college, upcoming finals, and Luke being a bit nervous about the upcoming WJC. You're gassing him up and telling him you think he is going to get Captain when suddenly you’re pulled, quite literally, into someone’s arms.

You barely have time to react when you feel Jack's lips on yours. He tastes like Gatorade, desperately needs some chapstick, and smells like hockey. Yet, you find yourself melting into him anyway. You stay there for a second before you pull back, finally meeting him face to face.

“Hi J,” you whisper, “nice hatty.”

He doesn’t respond; he grabs your face and melts his lips against yours again. The kiss is easy, fun, and a little teasing, but it’s also sweet and gentle.

You stay like that for another second when you remember that you’re still in public and in front of Luke, so you break away from him, Jack chasing after your lips. You do everyone a favor and put some distance between you two, but Jack keeps stepping closer to you.

When Luke turns back to you two, he looks a little disgusted, but he moves to congratulate his older brother. They do an awkward little semi-hug, but it's a sweet moment.

When Jack finishes hugging Luke, he grabs back onto your waist and pulls you back in, lightly tugging on the Devil's top you're wearing. "Are you comfy in this?"

You nod, a little confused. "Yeah, Why?"

Jack smiles a wicked smile. "We're going out, we gotta celebrate."

You can't help but smile at Jack's words, and you nod your head toward the locker room. "Go grab me your keys and go shower."

He nods and places a quick peck on your lips before speeding off to the locker room.

"When he says celebrate, does that include me?" Luke asks from beside you.

You whip around to face him, "Duh, you're my partner in crime."

Luke looks relieved as Jack jogs back out of the locker room, throwing you his Range Rover keys.

"I'll be out in 10. If you don't want to stay in your jeans, I have an extra pair of clean sweats," Jack yells at you; you give him a thumbs up as you and Luke start toward the parking garage.

Half an hour later, you're at a bar in the middle of Jersey, surrounded by the entire devil's hockey team. Everyone is celebrating the win, as well as their star player, who is soaking up every ounce of attention.

Jack has never felt better. He feels like he is on top of the world after the game he just had. Even more, you're here. After not seeing each other for a month, he finally has you back. Even if it's just over your short break from school before finals, he still believes it's fate that you got to see him score his first hat trick.

"You okay, J?" You ask, searching Jack's eyes.

He dips his head down and meets your lips for a brief kiss, "Never better."

You smile up at him and turn your attention back to another player you are talking to. Jack watches as you smile and engage in the conversation. He loves how well you get along with his teammates, but suddenly he is overtaken by another feeling. He wants you all to himself. He wants to be alone with you in his apartment for the first time in a month.

You can tell he is thinking way too hard when Jack goes silent, and once again, you pull his attention to you. "Seriously, Jack, are you okay?"

He takes a beat before he answers, pulling in a big breath of air and letting it out. "I wanna celebrate with you."

"You are celebrating with me."

Jack shakes his head, "I want to celebrate with just you. I miss you."

Your heart cracks slightly with his admission, and you lock your hands behind his head. "Lukes here."

"I'll buy him a hotel."

You snort at his response and slightly push him away. "Come on, Jack."

He pulls you back in, and after a minute of sitting in his arms, you both are interrupted by Luke stumbling into you.

"Hey, I'm gonna stay with Nico tonight."

Immediately once the sentence leaves Luke's mouth, you turn to Jack.

"Did you really ask Nico to take Luke?" You're not mad, but you don't want Luke to feel like he isn't welcome.

Jack rapidly shakes his head, and Luke goes to defend him.

"Don't worry (Y/N), Jack didn't do anything. I asked Nico if I could stay with him so you two could be alone.

Jack has never loved his little brother more than at this moment. Soon, he’s handing Luke off to Nico and dragging you out of the bar.

It isn’t long before you’re at Jack’s apartment. It’s a nice place with a few decorations you picked out for him, and it has a great view of Jersey. You smile when you see it’s pretty clean, minus a few stray items, and you bust out laughing when the second you enter, Jack drops your bag in the middle of the floor, approaches the kitchen counter, and lights a candle.

“To set the mood.” He winks at you.

You roll your eyes at the boy in front of you, but you can’t lie, you’ve been missing being alone with him. So, you make your way into the bedroom to change, and in fifteen minutes, the two of you are cuddled up on the couch, watching something Jack swore was a great show.

You’re quite comfortable in the current position, with Jack lying directly on top of you, providing great warmth. He’s not even watching the TV, instead laying his head in the crook of your neck while you’re gently scratching his scalp. You’re a little afraid he’s fallen asleep on you, but he begins to rub his hands up and down the sides of your waist, dipping his fingers beneath the waistband of the sweats you're wearing.

You tense up a bit because his hands are a little chilly, and you can feel him smirk into your neck.

“You’re not watching the show.” You state.

Jack pulls his head from your neck to stare into your eyes. “I’ve seen it before.”

He goes back down but, this time places a few featherlight kisses on your neck that has you smiling. He pulls back again to look at you once more, his green eyes staring at you with so much love and adoration it has you melting further into the couch.

“So, now that we’re alone. Do you by chance, remember when you had a few drinks and explained, in graphic detail, what you would do if I ever got a hat trick?”

You pulled back from him, blushing a shade deeper. “Oh my god, Jack.”

“Well, it involved you and me, no clothing, and three of something.”

You shrieked when he squeezed your sides and pressed his hips hard into yours.

“So what do you say? Wanna have another Hughes Hatty?”

You didn’t answer him. You just pulled him down to meet you, suddenly remembering precisely what you’d said all those nights ago.

hi again, thanks for reading. You’re amazing and I love u.

[mswritingthings]

Big Prompt List

Instead of randomly putting out a few little lists here and there, I'll try to do a big one every 6 months or so. Yes, I did reuse a lot of my older prompts on this one, but the next one will be newer ones.

"It's always nights like this that I feel the loneliest."

"I can't be 'just friends' anymore!"

"This sort of thing was never meant to happen."

"Why don't you love me?"

"I have tried so hard for so long, and I'm just exhausted."

"There has got to be more to marriage than what we have."

"Please, just come back to me. I miss you."

"Don't cry, I hate it when you cry."

"I can't believe you'd do this to me."

"You were supposed to love and cherish me."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Just come back, we can fix this."

"I feel lost without you."

"This isn't about you anymore. It's my turn."

"What do you want from me?"

"There it is. There's that smile I love so much."

"I've never been happier with anybody else."

"You've shown me what it's like to be loved."

"Let's go do something, just the two of us."

"It's hard not to love you, I know that now."

"Love me or leave me here."

"If you call me baby, I'll always be yours."

"I want to taste her lips cause they taste like you."

"You looked at me like I was someone else."

"You're drunk, go home."

"I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did."

"I'll be anything you want. You love me more than you love yourself."

"Relax, there's no reason for you to be so wound up."

"I'd be willing to lose everything to make them happy."

"You're like an angel, my angel."

"We're in love, and I am actually happy for once."

"Please don't ruin this for us."

"We aren't together anymore, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you."

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that you're loveable?"

"I like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, it's cute."

"Everything always works out in the end because it's you."

"Wow, you look absolutely breathtaking."

"I don't have to keep changing because they love me for me."

"Come on now, let's have some fun."

"You're going to be the death of me."

"Talk dirty to me."

"You're ridiculous."

"Charming, you know just how to make a girl blush."

"What kind of trouble are you going to get me into?"

"If you're gonna cuff me, you might as well throw the gag in too."

"Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"

"A little flirting never hurt anybody."

"Just get over here and kiss me."

"God, you are so fucking hot sometimes."

"Do you believe in love?"

"I'm going to fight for what I want to be."

"Do you really love me underneath it all?"

"There's not much left of me."

"I want to drag you down with me."

"I love myself, I want you to love me."

"Do you think of me when you're with her?"

"You are a brick tied to me that's dragging me down."

"Don't you remember how you told me you loved me baby?"

"I was supposed to be a doctor before all this started."

"Death wasn't supposed to feel like a mercy."

"The stars look different down here."

"Believe me, I didn't want it to come to this."

"Don't go, it's not safe out there for you."

"Your job isn't to make sure I make it out alive, not anymore."

"I don't want to live forever."

"Where do you go when you feel like there's nowhere to run?"

"And everything you ever said now tears me all apart."

"I've seen the things you put me through and I wish I could die."

"I love it so much it just turns to hate."

"When they get what they want, they never want it again."

"You want it all, but you can't have it."

"After all the lies you told, who will save your soul?"

"Life is perfect, never better."

"Fuck you."

"Isn't it much more fun fucking than fighting?"

I know I said to get laid, but I didn't mean them."

"I hope this lasts forever."

"Don't go, I need you."

"It's ben a long time."

"Sit and drink with me."

"The pain always subsides eventually."

"I got used to this."

"Tell me it'll be okay."

"I can't say sorry anymore."

"Please come back to bed."

"It wasn't worth losing you."

"There's too much at stake for me to let you be so selfish."

"Sometimes I wish that I never met you."

"You're insufferable, but I love you."

"It's a nasty business, that's what they don't tell you about loving someone."

"I have lost everything, but I keep going because I have to."

"There's a whole world of poeple out there who will love you."

"I know I'm now who you wanted to spend the night with, but I am here."

"I give up, being loved isn't worth all this humiliation."

"If you look away from me again, I swear I'll stop."

"You can have me any way you want, just ask nicely."

"You've taken good care of me, now let me take care of you."

"You have got to stop distracting me so much while I'm trying to work."

"Hey, all I'm looking for tonight is a good time."

"There's not a lot a good kiss can't solve."

[bonny-kookoo]

Yoongi

𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖓𝖑𝖎𝖙 [Like A Secret] Short

Where have you gone? Why did you go? And most importantly- why didn't you take him with you, when you promised to always stay together?

Tags/Warnings: Werewolf AU, Alpha!Yoongi, Omega!Reader, Spin-Off, Angst, hurt no comfort sorry

!!! This is set prior to the main story !!!

Length: 1.5k words

There is no taglist for this fic!

A/N: Kids wake up it's time to cry. Basically I've gotten a lot of asks what Yoongi's problem is in Moonlit- maybe this clears it up a bit.

-> Masterlist

🌘.━━━━━━━━━━.🌕.━━━━━━━━━━━.🌒

"It's cold." Yoongi says, watching your wolf curled up, sleeping, waiting, just like him. Sometimes, in these dreams, it snows. Other times, it raind- just like this time, water drenching the soft coat of the animal laying in the grass. You don't answer, and he doesn't even expect you to anymore. You never do. Or at least- you haven't done that in a long time.

That's how his fated dreams always go, after all. That's what they look like, when your chosen mate isn't there any longer.

He sighs as he walks closer, even though he knows you won't move. It's still better than nothing, your sleeping wolf is much more comfort than what others might get. And yet, it's also a curse- confusing him to no ends, because if your wolf is still there, you can't be dead. So where are you?

Where have you gone?

And why didn't you take him with you?

You promised him, after all. You promised to always stay together. And maybe, in a way, you're keeping that by at least letting him keep those dreams, even if they're empty.

He'll wait for you.

And even if he waits for the rest of his life-

he'll wait.

🌘.━━━━━━━━━━.🌕.━━━━━━━━━━━.🌒

The pale blue moonlight looked beautiful on your skin.

You're from the mountains, where snow is typical and sun is rare. Maybe because you'd outshine it- maybe the sun simply won't show itself because it knows it would not stand a chance against your smile.

He knows he will forever be haunted by it.

"Now you're stuck with me." you'd grinned at him. He'd smiled down at you.

"what a cruel fate." he'd joked, forced a laugh out of you at his typical attitude even despite the clear happiness shown. He'd never admit to anyone how hard he'd fallen for you- your simple presence enough to brighten his day, and offer him comfort like nothing else ever would.

He remembers the traditional festival held during full moon.

He was young, not even leader back then. He didn't know that only two years later, his father would leave the pack entirely alone to work in the cities, no alpha in the pack ready to take on the leading role- leaving it to him, with the support of you, to somehow work it out.

And work out it did- until you left.

Vanished.

He should've been more attentive. He should've listened to you more- but god, there was so much going on around him, so many things changing and happening and weighing him down, that he just couldn't concentrate on your worries as much as he really should have.

He feels horrible for it. He remembers you waking up so many nights, terrified, basically panicking, unable to quite describe the dreams you were forced to live through night after night.

Maybe he never asked either. Why did he never ask?

Omegas aren't that common. Betas make up the majority of werewolves.

There's so many legends and rumors about omegas that it's hard to keep track of what's true and what's not. Some things are clearly fictional- but with others, it's not quite as clear. He remembers how some say omegas can dream in a way that might predict certain future events- and at this point, he grabs after any straw he can.

Maybe you dreamed of something. Of your own demise, maybe?

The night before you left is still heavy in his mind. It weighs him down, has turned into his own nightmare these days, replaying again and again and again and he wishes he could change just a single thing about the event. But he can't.

You had woken up, yet again. But this time, he didn't stir. Didn't move. He knew you were crying-

but he left you alone.

And when he woke up, you weren't there anymore.

Leaving him alone instead.

🌘.━━━━━━━━━━.🌕.━━━━━━━━━━━.🌒

"You're so cool, you know that?" you'd said, giggling at him as he'd pulled a shirt over his head to cover himself, having just returned from a playful hunt with other members of the pack present at the new moon festivities.

It's the second one he's spending with you. This year he'll take you with him.

"And you're a creep, not even waiting for me to change." he'd growled back, however with no bite in his tone whatsoever. He knows you can take his tone. You're a lot tougher than you look.

"heh, nothing I haven't seen already." you'd shrugged, jumped down from your little rock before you'd kissed his cheek. "Will you give me something pretty tonight?" you'd asked him, and he'd rolled his eyes.

"I don't have to court you." he'd complained, grumpy as always. "we already fucked."

"Yoongi!" you'd gasped scandalized, had hit him playfully- though he'd laughed at your embarrassment.

You were so cute. Bubbly and almost innocent. He hates how that had faded with time.

Was it his fault?

He should've protected your smile.

"...I'll think of something." he'd admitted, and you had grinned brightly, hugged him to kiss his cheek-

But he'd been quicker, had kissed you deeply, uncaring of anyone seeing you both together.

Back then, he was wild. Untamed. Without worries- nothing but a young werewolf, playing around, enjoying his youth.

Not even five years later, he would be sanded down to nothing but an overly serious young adult, leading a pack he never wanted, living a life forced upon him, without any guidance and without anyone at his side. Barely past his mid-twenties, and yet without any youth to enjoy any longer.

What did he do to deserve this?

He can't think of anything, neither can he find anyone to hate for it.

And maybe that's the worst part of it all.

"Yoongi.. you'll never be able to untie that knot." you'd laughed later that night of the festival under the full moon, the music and people moving on in the background while he'd led you out the woods for privacy.

"good." he'd said, had traced his fingers over the bracelet around your wrist, a single sanded bead of wood and simple leather string. "I don't plan on it." he'd told you- his own wrist wearing the same bracelet.

A symbol of your partnership. Bound to one another, for now and forever.

He wears it to this day, seven years later.

it was meant to last forever, after all.

🌘.━━━━━━━━━━.🌕.━━━━━━━━━━━.🌒

His first decision as an alpha had been, to grant an unfamiliar runaway omega from the woods a home in his pack, despite what everyone else told him.

He saw you in her. He still does, sometimes.

Now she's leaving.

Just like you did.

History repeats itself over and over it seems like, everyone he somehow cares about leaving him alone for one reason or another. It doesn't sting as much this time- mainly because jungkook is a capable young alpha, able to do what he himself couldn't for his own mate back then. This one will listen, this one will stay, protect, and fight.

He didn't.

He would, now.

But he knows himself that there's nothing to forgive when in the end, he would probably do it again anyways.

You're like a phantom limb at this point- gone, but still hurting, mind not comprehending that it can't even hurt without your presence there, three years not enough to heal him. But it does, the remnants of you around him constantly pushing salt into his wounds, never to scar over and at least let him rest.

No.

Because he's dreaming of your wolf again- and again, she's simply sleeping. Waiting.

Just like he does.

This time he's silent as he sits close to her, let's the rain hit his own body as well. he doesn't mind it. You liked the smell of it- before it would rain, and after it did. He himself didn't understand it. Not until you'd explained that it reminded you of him.

'Something that seems like a bad thing- but actually isn't.' you'd said.

if only you knew.

And in this dream too, no one moves. No one returns. No one talks to him.

And maybe that's fine, too. Or is it?

Suddenly, the rain starts to fall stronger than before. The wind stills, but the night darkens- just as the head of your wolf rises, the omega watching something in the distance he can't see. He wants to ask, but he's scared to-

he's terrified.

Especially when your wolf stands up, stretches, forces him to get up too as he walks with her- but she doesn't wait for him.

"no-" he breathes out, realizing what she's doing. She's leaving him.

She's leaving him.

And as he watches the wolf walk through the trees, slowly getting swallowed by the forest surrounding the meadow he dreams of every night, he's left alone. This time, truly so.

You're gone.

And all he can do is fall to his knees, forced to accept that.

[effervescentdragon]

Not one of the prompts you reblogged but one I’ve had in my notes for months that I think you could do something amazing and awful with!

“We’re never going to have a happy ending, remember that.” - whatever pairing sparks joy angst.

i love you. how about,, uh, all of them?

1994

"Ayrton, I don't know what you want from me," he says, head in his hand, the one that isn't holding the receiver. "I'm not coming back, I'm not your punching back, there is nothing -"

Ayrton interrupts him. He's never learned not to take what he wants. He's never learned not to stomp over everything he feels may be in the way.

'Do you think you can be happy, not racing me? I don't think you can.' He laughs, and Alain despises that laugh. It's derisive and it grates on his ears through the phone. He should hang up. 'I can't be happy racing without you. You can't be happy without me either, Alain, I am right about this.'

He says it like a declaration; there is no question to be found anywhere. Ayrton doesn't ask. He states, and he takes, and Alain shouldn't pick up the phone anymore.

"There will never be a happy ending for us, Ayrton." He presses the palm of his hand into his eye until he sees stars. "We made sure of it."

Ayrton says nothing. Alain tries to breathe.

Neither of them hang up for a long, long time after.

2001

"I won't stay," Mika says.

Michael scoffs. "I don't want you to stay."

There is nothing to do after such a blatant, shitty, petulant lie except to laugh. So Mika laughs and doesn't let himself hear the anger underneath it.

"You're full of shit, Michael," he says.

"And you're a coward who's leaving, Mika," Michael replies, his smile as sharp as a knife. "Can't take serious competition?"

Mika could say so many things then. He could say I hate you and Fuck you, you bastard and You were never competition to me and I don't care about this anymore and You were never important to me.

He's too tired to lie. His body hurts, and his head is pounding, and his heart... his heart is doing something too. Something he doesn't want to think about too much.

"This isn't a movie, Michael," he says in the end. "There is no 'happily ever after' in racing." He chuckles, rubs his fist over his sternum. "We either lose or die in the end." Sometimes both, he doesn't say. There's no need. He sees in Michael's face that he knows.

"Well," he says with that big, boyish smile Mika has loved since he first saw it a decade ago, and which he still loves as much as he loves being in the car on track, "I am going to live forever."

Mika shakes his head. "You will." He smiles; not a lie. "Of course you will."

Michael grins, and pushes at Mika's knee with his own, and they stay silent. There's no need to speak anymore.

There was rarely need for them to speak anyway. Some things, they just understood.

2016

Nico pushes Lewis away. "Just - fucking move," he says, because he feels like he could either kiss Lewis or break his fucking nose if he stays too close. "I decided, and it's over, Lewis, it's done." He swallows. "I'm done."

Lewis is furious. He's not even trying to hide it and that pissess Nico off majorly. He's been hiding his fucking heartbreak for ages. He's been smiling for the cameras and holding his hands in his pockets or in his lap so nobody wohld see them shake, and he's been meditating on what he would say so he doesn't come.off too broken and too tired and too defeated - and he won, he fucking won - and Lewis can't even do him the courtesy of pretending for a little bit? He can't even allow Nico the common cordiality after - after everything; no, of course not. He has to come in here with all his usually tightly hidden emotions on display and put them all on Nico, throw them all into Nico's face, like a reprimand, like a punishment. You won, now deal with this.

Fuck you, Lewis, he thinks, and says "Did you think I was going to stay?" He scoffs. "Did you think I'll come back to have you try and take away this from me through another year like this one has been?"

He watches Lewis' eyes widen in guilt. I know you, Nico thinks viciously. I know you better than anyone. Fuck you. Fuck you for fucking all of this up for me and for both of us.

"There will be no happy ending, victorious narrative where you 'regain your crown' or whatever the fuck next year." He smiles, and Lewis' nosteils flare. "You lose."

Lewis says nothing for a moment. When he laughs, it's the most awful sound Nico has ever heard in his life; metal scraping into a wall and head hitting concrete and suffocation of a too-tight cockpit when you can't get out because your belt is stuck, all together screaming in cacophony.

"You lose too," he says finally. "You lose. Coward."

Nico tries to smile but everything is too distorted and he doesn't know if he manages. "Yes, but I lose by default, and not to you. And you won't win against me."

Lewis breathes in sharply. Nico watches him tap his fingers on his thigh. One, two, three, he counts, like he knows Lewis does in his head, a long-ago learned technique that they both use.

"Fuck you, Nico," Lewis grits through his teeth, and when he moves, Nico is there to meet him halfway and shut him up with a kiss.

[gretavanfleetposts]

Fire in the Water: Chapter Ten - Part Two

Author's Note: I cannot believe the end is already here. The end of this chapter is very inspired by the song Better by SYML so give that a listen if you want to dive further into my brain. And thank you, thank you all for coming along on the journey with me. It has meant everything to me! And as always, thank you to @gretasmokerising and @earthlysorrows for everything Content Warnings: swearing, talk of the afterlife, death, talk of dead souls, killing (someone straight up turns to dust), penetrative sex (18+ minors do not interact) Word Count: 9.5k

It wasn't easy. You spent days sitting almost completely still in Jake's bed trying to decipher who in the room around you was there in physical form and who was a dead spirit walking. You spent your days tired as your physical form wasn't used to being, well, alive. You weren't meant for the world you were now in and it took its toll.

But even more difficult was the anger growing in your body like wildfire that would catch the moment you bound to Jake and your gifts returned. It was the reason you hadn't yet done it. You knew however much you struggled now, it would be nothing compared to that. And it scared you.

Jake was by your side every instant but without his own gifts, he was punished to sit at your side helplessly, watching the torment flare in your eyes and only ever being able to tell you who was in the corner, if anyone was there at all. It pained him being unable to put you out of your misery and you could guess that it pained him to be unable to put himself out of his misery too.

It was days that you spent wandering around his house silently, trying to remember who you had been, trying to decipher the things around you and the things inside of you. Days you spent trying to piece together memories with Jake’s help, though he couldn’t fill very many gaps for you given the stubbornness you’d lived with the first time you’d been alive. And the longer the days went on, the clearer it became to both of you, although it went unsaid: Sam was the one better suited to help you navigate the situation you now found yourself in. Sam could have given you more answers and more details of your life. Sam could have shut the voices up and cleared the room of all intruders.

The others kept their distance all the while, other than Josh. He was more than happy to recant your relationship and the months you had spent together before your meeting any of the others. His presence alone had warmed you, too, but when he left, the angry voices returned with a vengeance. You were forever connected to a world that you now didn't reside in, stuck in a world that you didn't belong to, and a bridge between the two for all things, evil and vile and sometimes, when you were lucky, benevolent, to pass through.

Endless. It was endless.

Until you overheard the twins speaking in low voices from just beyond Jake's French doors after a particularly bad day that you had spent sleeping through most of, intermittently waking with a scream as a breath that was cold and dead fanned over your face.

Endless.

“I called Sam,” you heard Josh say softly to his brother.

“What the fuck, Josh?”

Jake seemed to forget he was supposed to be quiet and his brother shushed him before explaining himself.

“He has a right to know. She has a right to see him. He was the last person she was with, Jake.”

“She isn't ready.”

“She needs him right now,” Josh answered, hushed but urgent. “We both know it. He was the one who taught her how to be a vampire. He's the one she needs now.”

“Don't you fucking say that. Please don't fucking-don't say that.”

Jake's voice cracked and you could hear the instant sigh it pulled from his twin, just as harrowed as Jake was when he let his brother see it.

“Jake, you're never going to lose me, no matter what. And no matter what happens, I will help you get through it. But you can't put this off. She is hurting and I can’t watch it go on much longer.”

“I can't do it.”

Those words chiseled away at you as did the voice that had squeaked out and said them.

“You promised me you would give her the choice. Rebecca is itching to leave. We need to do this now.”

“Josh, I-”

“I won't let you fall apart. But you have to trust me.”

You waited for one of them to speak again but a silence fell between them both for what felt like a long moment. It carried over to you as you contemplated your own feelings. You were angry with Jake over what he had done. It was undeniable and it was growing fierce inside you. But had the roles been reversed, you would have done the same thing.

Finally you watched the doors open and shut behind them both as each twin made their way over to where you sat in Jake's bed. But Jake seemed to distance himself in a way that Josh didn’t. Josh met you where you sat, standing at the end of the bed with a singular hand coming to grab the top of your foot where it rested beneath the covers. He’d formed a habit of giving you a physical cue that he was there in the flesh over the past few days you’d spent reaching for things that weren’t actually there.

Jake, on the other hand, propped himself up against the wall opposite his bed like he was afraid to get any closer. He seemed to be preparing himself for the hurt he must have suspected he would find in the conversation. And you understood that physical distance. It was an emotional wall he was already building.

But even so, Jake was the one to speak first despite the fact that his feet planted him farther away than Josh's did.

“We…we need to talk,” he began slowly.

He struggled to even say it. He struggled to even meet your eyes. And when he did speak, you could tell he was reluctant.

"Rebecca can break the tie," he whispered.

Maybe he hoped you wouldn't hear it.

You sat still for a moment before adjusting yourself and pulling your body into a more upright position, your eyes studying Jake's face all the while.

"What would happen to you?" you asked.

"It would be as if I'd never formed it. For the both of us. And our gifts would be restored."

Your eyes flickered over to Josh quickly before falling to your lap.

To break your tie. It would at least put Jake out of his misery, although you could see the damage it would do before you'd even done it. It practically sat in the room with you, like heavy, judgmental eyes casting shadows over everything.

"You would choose this?" you pressed, and Jake immediately shook his head.

"No. But it's not my choice to make; it's yours.”

His eyes sent a scalding glare toward the back of Josh's head who came to sit on the edge of the bed next to you, his hand now lying flat over yours.

"It isn't either of us that you would pick,” he said softly. “I think we all see that now.”

God, you had ached for Sam. You had tried not to dwell on it but it had become so obvious that even Jake felt it as you sat silently day after day. You burned for him. You needed him. And you were angry with yourself for all of it because the pain that wrote itself onto Jake’s features as his brother said it felt worse than the nightmare you now lived.

“How is she able to do it?”

“You died tied but unbound,” Jake answered, still not meeting your eyes. “Rebecca wasn't even sure we'd still be tied when you returned but seeing as I still don't have my gifts…”

“The tie is weaker now,” Josh continued where his brother left off. “It's vampire magic, apparently. And you're not entirely vampire anymore, are you?”

You weren't. You were even more of an abomination now and your fingers twitched with anger when you let your mind linger on it for too long.

“You keep resurrecting something that's supposed to be dead,” you whispered, keeping your eyes to your lap.

Although you hardly needed to have been staring at Jake to feel the weight of your words and what they did to him. Even Josh seemed to feel it given the way he glanced backward sympathetically at his brother before moving his eyes back to you.

He dipped his face down to try and catch your eyes. “If you bind with Jake, you'll live a happy life. Break it, and you can have whatever it is you want.” And then he sighed and pursed his lips. “We were wrong for trying to put you in a box before. No one is trying to do that now. The decision is yours and yours alone.”

He made it seem so easy when he said it that way, like it was a simple decision and all you had to do was reach out and pick a hand. The reality would be much more complicated, however, because by choosing one, you would give up the other. And if you were destined to walk the earth again, subjected to all that that now encompassed, the question was: who could you no longer live without?

"Can I speak with Jake alone please?” you asked Josh quietly.

He nodded quickly. “Yeah, absolutely. If you need me just…come find me. I'll be close.”

With a single squeeze to your hand, he left silently, pulling the doors shut with only a glance toward his brother before he was out of sight. And in his absence, you pulled yourself from Jake's bed, feet wobbling a little as you gained your balance.

Jake met your eyes silently, watching you stand and pull together what little strength you had left. And he looked just as beaten down as you felt.

“He tried to take himself after. Sam did. When you were…gone, he turned it in on himself but Cassius stopped him. I didn't understand why but maybe I do now. Cassius doesn't play short games.”

The replaying of the memory you didn't want burned into your mind ignited an anger within you, the likes of which you hadn't felt before. It came on suddenly but burned hot in your palms and in your ears.

“Why couldn't you just let me die a natural death? Why couldn't you just let me stay dead?” Your voice was quiet and calm but your fists clenched hard to reel yourself in before you unraveled.

Jake shook his head hard and swallowed, like he was mad at himself or maybe remembering someone else who had accused him of such atrocities.

“I'm selfish,” he whispered so lightly, even with your super hearing you barely hear it.

You were silent but it wasn’t your silence that put Jake on edge. It was your stillness. Your calm. It was somehow scarier to him than your anger. Much more resigned. It was like you had already chosen what it was you wanted.

“Tell me what you're feeling,” he pleaded quietly.

“I don't know,” you answered flatly.

“Don't hide from me-”

“I said I don't know!” you suddenly boomed. And when you glowered at him, he saw a darkness there that he had never seen before, a remnant of something he could never even understand.

“I feel different! I feel things for you that I don't trust! I feel like an abomination! Like-like a rag doll being jerked around by the will of others! I feel empty and I feel a hole in the middle of my chest knowing that Sam is gone and I feel so ashamed to stand here and tell you that he is the only one who makes me feel like I'm not just some grotesque product of your inability to let me go. He's the only one who makes me feel like I am something other than the consequences of your grief.”

His face sank and you could tell you had hurt him in a way that he had never really experienced before. If he'd had his gifts, he might have shielded himself from it. But this way, he had no choice but to feel it. He had no choice but to bleed out in front of you. And it gnawed at you to know that you were the cause, truthful as you had been.

“Then you should be with him. You should,” he said finally, clearing his throat to hide the way his voice threatened to break. “Because I will never be able to let you die. I will never be able to let you go willingly. Never.”

“No, you won't,” you answered meanly. “You couldn't even do it when we weren't tied.”

He shook his head, practically scoffing in frustration and incredulity.

“How could you have asked that of me?”

“It was peaceful, Jake!” you screamed back, your own voice hoarse and losing its tenacity. “I was at peace! He gave me that! And you ripped it from me so violently so that you didn't have to feel it! You feel everything and you face nothing!”

His face seemed to harden instantly.

“You're right,” he agreed, “Sam did something I never would have been able to do, not really. Not if I could have felt it.”

You said nothing but you felt the sigh as your lungs pulled it up and out of your body. It was an endless fight. He would never understand what he had done. He would never understand the things that had drawn you to Sam as you had gotten to know him. Jake had always been right out in front of you but Sam? Sam had always been at your back, practically holding you up as you went about life and navigated things that scared you, even when the thing that scared you was yourself.

“You know, I've held you dead in my arms twice now. I didn't think anything could ever hurt me like that again. But this? This somehow feels even worse.”

“That's not fair,” you whispered through clenched teeth. “I did that for you. I died for you. And I would do it a million times over if I had to.”

His eyes fell shut and he breathed deeply before opening them again to face you and the mess he had helped create.

“But you still wouldn't choose me,” was all he said.

You felt your anger turn to guilt so quickly it could have given you whiplash. And it rendered you speechless under his eyes.

“Josh was right. I have no business keeping you here, not like this. You're not mine to have,” he whispered.

You resisted the urge to turn away from him and cry. Actually, you resisted the urge to cry altogether. There was nothing to cry over. There was no reason the two of you had to torment one another any longer.

“You'll let me go?” you asked quietly, the calm returning to your voice even as your shoulders and body wanted to shake from the sudden cold you felt.

“Yes,” he answered just as calmly. “I won't condemn you to a life you don't want any more than I already have.”

It practically broke you in two and yet still, you fought the sobs that begged to wrack at your body.

The truth was, you did still love Jake. That was the trouble of it all.

He took a step forward finally, meeting you finally, and let his hands raise to grasp at your biceps.

“But I want you to know that even when it's over and the tie is broken, I'll still feel it. My body will remember it. And if you ever want to feel it again,” he sighed as you choked on a sob between his hands, “you need only ask.”

You felt the dam break as you pulled each other into a tight hug, one that didn't hide the anger you felt toward one another but one that made you realize the anger paled in comparison to the love that existed between you, despite the irreparable damage that had been done.

And there, in his hands, you fell apart just a little.

—

When you left Jake to his thoughts in the guesthouse, you found Josh outside at the treeline, staring out into the cold dark space between trees that had been growing tall for decades.

“There's someone in the greenhouse for you,” he said as you met him silently at his side.

You glanced back at the glass structure, the place you'd been carefully avoiding while fighting your own demons right under Jake's nose.

“One more loose end to tie up,” he added as he smiled softly over at you.

You didn’t need to ask. You knew who was waiting for you. And you knew you had Josh to thank for making that happen. Josh was the one who had done everything simply for you in the end. You saw that much better now. He loved you in a way you couldn’t quite comprehend and maybe never would. But what you did know was that you loved him back.

“Thank you,” you breathed out into the silence of the night air, earning a surprised look from the twin you had originally set out to start your life with before things had taken the turn that they had.

“For what?” he asked gently.

“For being you.”

He chuckled softly to himself but there was hardly any humor in it.

“I hope you don't regret letting me into your life. Genuinely.”

“Oh Josh,” you sighed with a simple shake of your head, “I could never regret loving you.”

He turned to pull you into an embrace, one you would remember for the rest of eternity, hopefully even after. At least the safety of his arms never changed. Josh was the most steadfast thing you knew. And despite everything that had happened in the time you'd known him, you knew you would do it all over again just to be with him one more time.

When you pulled away to avoid whatever breakdown would have come rather easily in his arms, he gave you that toothy grin that always soothed you.

“I'll take care of him,” he said unprompted. “I'm his twin, I've always carried a piece of his soul with me. We stitch each other back together. That's what we do.”

You gave him a gentle nod before you turned toward the greenhouse.

Jake was better off in his hands than yours anyway.

The lights in the greenhouse twinkled their usual star-like light, having been restrung so delicately around plants that had been repotted and glass that had been cleaned. It was a much more gentle reminder of how long you'd been gone.

And despite the things you had remembered him doing in the previous days, the whispers in your ears seemed to fade away when you saw him step out of the darkness and into those twinkling lights casting a golden glow on his high cheekbones and droopy brown eyes.

"Josh told me you were alive but I needed to see it for myself."

God, you had even missed his voice.

"Where have you been?" you asked him, resisting the immediate urge to run and jump into his arms.

"Traveling," was all he said.

"Traveling,” you scoffed. “I need a real answer.”

“I knew Jake was hunting down Rebecca. I was planning on ending things but Josh convinced me to wait. He had hope. I decided it was better that I kept my distance in the meantime.”

He took a step closer and you could see he looked just as desolate as the twins did. Just as tired as Jake did. Maybe moreso.

“I can hear what he's done to you,” he whispered. “I can hear the things that haunt you. Even if you don’t want me around anymore, I can help you. Only if you want.”

Fuck, he made it so hard. You deserved your answers, of course. You deserved to know why he had done what he had. But goddamnit, you wanted to beg him to touch you, to reach into your mind and hold things together the way you never seemed to be able to.

But instead of letting yourself long for him too desperately, you took your moment to question him instead, while you had him there. And you tried to remember your anger.

“You sold out your own brother. How could you have done that?"

"I had made a deal with Cassius. I was so careful. I was listening to him every step of the way. Every thought until just before you…”

You only stared at him as he trailed off into silence, studying you. It was the first time he'd seen you alive in longer than Jake had and it felt so unfair that they had kept him from you even for that long. You were both thinking it. You didn’t have to be a mind reader to see that.

“I never even heard it,” he started again when he finally snapped out of the trance your eyes had put him in. “I was so certain of it. Over and over, he just kept thinking it. He would see it through to the end. I thought that meant he would…” He shook his head as he recalled it. “I thought it meant he would keep our deal. I thought I-”

“What deal did you make?” you interrupted him.

“I'm the threat. I'm the one he fears the most. Or at least I was. I told him he could kill me once and for all if he let you live. I told him I'd go without a fight if he let Jake's poor judgment slide just one more time.”

“But you went there to betray him."

He shook his head like you didn’t see what was written so plainly in front of you as he took a single step forward.

"That day in the greenhouse when you said Josh would never deserve a monster like you? I realized it was his fault. He did that to you. He was the one who crashed the car, he was the one that turned you, he was the one that stole you from Josh and now he's the one that's turned you into this.”

You felt a sting pierce your heart as he gestured to you, the abomination that you now were that, truthfully, you didn’t want him to see.

“You were always proud of what I was,” you whispered, avoiding the sudden urge to cover yourself with your arms and hide from him.

“But you weren’t,” he argued back as he took another step. “I spent so long trying to convince you that there was nothing wrong with you but you never really believed it. It never did any good that I thought you were perfect because you never saw it yourself.”

He took yet another step toward you until he was only a foot away from you, and the proximity grew hard to ignore. Your bodies had practically become like magnets and the time you’d spent apart only served to strengthen those magnets.

“I have let myself become miserable because of the choices other people made,” he said with a pointed look that was as deadly serious as it was genuine. “Seeing you hate yourself? Hearing the way you’ve hated yourself? I was angry. So much self-torture on my part, so much wallowing in my own misery, but that day in the greenhouse, I stopped feeling so selfish for once. That day I stopped bleeding for myself and I bled for you."

This time you didn't make any attempt to hide your emotions as they wrote themselves plainly across your face in the form of tears, monstrous and ocean-like as they rolled down your cheeks and set a quiver in your chin.

"You always deserved a choice. You deserved to choose the type of person you wanted to be and you deserved to choose who to spend your life with. That is why I turned him in. He stole your decisions from you like it was nothing. I told Cassius he could have me in exchange for you. I told him I would get Jake to agree to stay on the council for a century. He agreed. I thought…I thought he agreed. He said he would see it to the end, our deal-”

“That's not what he meant,” you interjected. It had finally clicked for you. Cassius didn't play short games. And one day you’d probably learn what it was exactly he would want in return but you could hardly find any urge to care inside of you now. “It's the one I now have in my pocket that sees your soul as it truly is. That's what he said to me.”

You watched confusion flash across his face and it was your turn to shake your head furiously at the things he didn’t see that were laid so plainly before him.

“You think I would have just let you die for me?” you implored.

“You never even would have noticed. Your life with Jake would have continued after he did his time-”

“I don't have a life without you, Sam!” you bellowed finally, arms thrown out to your sides in exasperation that he still couldn't see it: that you had chosen him. “Why do you think Cassius wouldn't let you kill yourself too? If he saw this happening, Sam, why do you think he didn't want me to return to find you already dead?”

When you were met with only silence, you let out a frustrated sound.

“I mean, for fuck’s sake, why do you think I haven’t bound myself to Jake yet?”

“You haven't bound to him yet?” Sam asked, his voice suddenly low and urgent as he reached out and let his fingers graze ever so slightly against your forearm.

“No, I haven't!” you yelled out. “I can’t bring myself to do it!”

He looked stunned as he stood there, suddenly searching for air where he previously didn't need it.

“And now that I'm…this,” you gestured to yourself meanly as hot tears bubbled stronger, “the tie is weak. Rebecca can break it.”

“Why would you let her do that?” Sam questioned, his eyes unwavering on you so as not to miss anything you might do.

It almost made you laugh.

“I would do it for you!” you practically screamed at the glassy eyed boy standing in front of you that softened your tone and your emotions almost instantly. “You said you thought we should choose who we take with us to the end. You said that.” And then you stepped closer to him, practically choking on your tears as you struggled to get the stupid words out. “I would break it for you, Sam. I would break it to take you with me. To the end.”

His eyes were watery when he nodded, as if the only thing holding him back was hearing you say it at long last.

“To the end,” he agreed.

His lips were on yours not a second later, commanding your mouth against his and devouring you the way he had wanted to for so long, the way you had wanted him to for so long. And with his hands on your body pulling you into him with abandon, his mind intertwining with yours to shut out the voices that had haunted you every waking second, you found your peace once more.

He alone was where you belonged.

You melded into him that way, amongst the glass and the plants and the twinkling lights. You even felt, with his lips warming yours and his tongue sliding into your mouth to taste you and memorize you this way, that the two of you together transcended time and space together. And in many ways, you did.

You were desperate to have him right then and there. Frantic, even. Who cared who saw? Who cared who heard? You certainly didn't when you had gone so long without him. But the moment he understood what your hands meant to do, he took them both in one grip of his own and pried his mouth away.

“No, not like this. Not while you're still tied.”

You straightened almost instantly. He was right. That wasn't how you wanted him. You wanted to be focused on him when the time finally came. No one but him.

You had waited this long. Surely you could wait a little longer.

“Then let's fix that.”

—

Rebecca stood between you and Jake with some potion-looking liquid she had mixed up in a bowl and boiled over a fire in the backyard. It seemed rather primitive and it made you wonder how exactly she had brought you back but if you had to guess by the way your surroundings and your parents had melted right in front of your eyes, it had been fire that had brought you back so violently. And if you were honest with yourself, you didn’t want the details.

The others sat around quietly, waiting and watching while you kept your eyes squarely on Rebecca. You needed her for this but it did nothing to quell the loathing you felt for her having done what she had. Sam had had to free your mind in order for this magic to work and so it had left you out in the open once more, able to see her handiwork more easily.

“It should be easy. I've already spoken the incantation over it. You both need only drink it and your tie will be severed,” Rebecca explained.

You'd been avoiding Jake's eyes but when you met them now as he was being passed a tiny glass of dark liquid, you hoped he did see the sorrow in yours that things had come to this.

You wouldn't spend your life angry with him. You didn't want to. This was the only way to ensure it. And maybe you owed each other more words. Maybe you even owed each other a kiss or a hug or just some touch to remind one another that things wouldn't always feel this bad between you. But for once, he didn't seek you and you didn't seek him. There seemed to be a silent understanding between you that there was no amount of physical reassurance and no amount of words spoken that could undo what had been done. It would only be time that could remedy the mess you two had made of one another. At least that you had plenty of.

Rebecca handed you a tiny glass of your own and you took it between your fingers, staring down at the elixir that would change the path you were on so dramatically that it didn't even feel real.

You glanced over at Sam who wore an almost expressionless look on his face until he caught sight of your eyes. He gave you the smallest of smiles, one that he contained for his brother's sake, but it was enough to urge you to turn back to Jake and put glass to lips.

You each swallowed it down in one gulp with your eyes unwavering on one another. And as the liquid slid down your throat, its effects were practically instant.

All at once, you felt something within you sever, and suddenly the guilt you had felt for leaving Jake and the pull that tugged at you, digging its heels in and begging you to go to him, it was all gone, dwindling down into nothing more than a mere spark. And left in its wake was an anger that went unmatched.

You could feel your gifts returning to you, sweeping up through your toes and electrifying you on the journey toward your fingers and finally your head. You could tell Jake was experiencing the same thing, his head thrown back as he breathed deeply and tried to adjust to an assault of noise he had gone without and perhaps forgotten how to wrangle.

You, on the other hand, relished in it. For far too long you had felt weak. For far too long you had felt out of control, jostled around at the whims of others. In fact, you were here now because of choices that had been made that were out of your hands. It angered you beyond recognition. How dare he subject you to such a life of torment? How dare he bring you back to face it all like it was nothing?

The wind rustled the trees around you, conjuring up images of the days you had spent with Sam in the forest: the times you had killed and enjoyed it, the times you had hurt him and regretted it, the times you had been blinded by a rage you could neither control nor understand. But you didn’t fear yourself now. You didn’t fear the power that now flowed once more through your veins, made all the more strong thanks to your journey through death.

With your gifts finally intact, your mind no longer clouded by Jake to the extent that it had been, and your rage finally returned to your body, you reached out to take Rebecca's hand. You could feel all of the beings she had tormented before you. You could see them all as they clung angrily to her. And you were now one of them, thanks to Jake.

But in a way, so was he. Maybe he had even been the first.

She never even felt it. But Jake did. You made sure of that. Like both a punishment and a gift, he felt the instantaneous explosion of pain you sent through her that evaporated her where she stood without even an ounce of exertion from your body.

He doubled over in the same instant, gasping out in pain as he desperately gripped onto Josh's pant leg. Danny and Adele looked on in horror as nothing but remnants of Rebecca in the form of dust now floated in their vision.

Josh had crouched low instantly to ensure his twin was alright, his face out of your life of sight, but Jake? Jake had his eyes on you. He wore a similar expression of horror at what you had done, even as he gasped through the pain he had felt from her and fought to control it. But his eyes never faltered on yours.

And as he wilted there in front of you, the image of you in his vision suddenly morphing into someone he hardly even recognized, your eyes never shied from his either. You had nothing left to hide from him.

“An irresponsible use of power,” was all you said before you turned to leave them all where they stood, stunned and silent, like they had never even known you. And the truth was, they hadn’t. Not the you that you now were.

You weren’t even certain Sam would follow. You weren't certain you deserved him after it all. Actually, you felt quite certain that you didn't.

But he never even hesitated.

—

You didn’t know it as Sam drove you away from the house that you wouldn’t see them all again for several decades. Sam would make the trip a few times over the years without you until things eventually smoothed over, but for now, you left them behind willingly in favor of a house standing tall on a cliffside overlooking the ocean.

The constant swell of seawater beating against rocky cliff below you created a peaceful backdrop for you and Sam to begin your new lives together. And there overlooking the angry ocean, hardly a soul existed to torment you, not that Sam couldn’t handle it.

“I bought half the beach so we wouldn't have to worry about people,” you heard him say from behind you as you looked out the wide pane of glass in your fishbowl porch that painted a view so breathtaking before you.

But you turned on your heels to take in the even more breathtaking view that stood behind you.

“And the ocean here is always terrifying. Should drown those voices out, when they come.”

“There are hardly any here,” you said quietly.

It was funny; now that the two of you found yourselves truly alone for the first time, Sam looked incredibly nervous and you felt as such.

The two of you weren't used to such quiet.

It would be an adjustment, quelling the remnants of your anger alongside the confusion your body still felt at being alive. It would take some getting used to, having now returned to a being that needed sleep to get through the day. You were still changing in ways you didn’t understand, too. And it didn’t help that you no longer knew what exactly you were or what exactly it was that your body needed, that it hungered for. You still found yourself stumbling with fatigue every now and then despite your gifts having returned to you. You even found yourself fighting fits of visions, none from this world but from a world beyond, that always seemed to have you doubling over and screaming out for Sam. But each time you stumbled, he caught you. Each time you called out his name, he found you. And each time you hungered, he was there to satiate you.

You hadn’t lived in the house together for long before a particularly hard day found you. You’d slept late while the sun shined high in the sky warding off a storm brewing several miles away. You'd been kept awake the night before by a barrage of terrors that Sam had begged you to let him quiet. And you finally had let him after several hours. He’d lulled you into a peaceful sleep and ensured you would remain that way until you were more rested. And when you woke, you woke to a house with every curtain drawn tightly shut so as not to wake you. But Sam was no longer beside you.

You padded quietly through the house to find him standing in the large fishbowl porch just off the front of the home, drinking some thick, red blood from a purple mug he must have gotten when he’d decided to attend university some several decades earlier. And his eyes scanned the horizon where the storm drew closer.

Sam had been opting for blood bags from a local hospital since the move. You felt bad knowing how much he loved the fresh stuff but he had insisted upon a quicker method of dining. He hated leaving you even for the hour it took to acquire the stuff. When you had a better handle on things, you'd encourage him to feed the way you knew he needed to. But for you, blood no longer seemed necessary. It seemed that now what your body wanted more than anything was sleep. You were constantly running on empty.

Only once had you felt energized, on a night that Sam had had to shut out the world around you as you sat huddled in bed, shaking in fear at the thing staring at you from the corner of the room. He'd taken your face in his hands and made it all disappear. And then for good measure, he'd given you a memory to hold onto, one of his older ones from back when he was human with Danny. A happy one before their lives had changed. And it had seemed to wake you, like a jolt of caffeine injected directly into your veins. Sam had done some research in the days that had followed and came to the conclusion that you fed off the very same thing as the souls around you did: the living. The two of you just hadn't yet figured out exactly how to harness it.

“I'm sorry, I hope you didn't feel like you had to be quiet for my sake,” you said softly as you crept up behind him with the lavender-colored linen duvet from your bed draped over your shoulders.

That was the other thing you couldn't get used to: the cold. You were still cold to the touch but now it ran deeper, like it permeated your bones. Sam hated it. He hated feeling like he was only chilling you further every time he touched you. But you didn't mind it. It just seemed like a good excuse to rarely leave his bed or to stay bundled up in his sweaters.

“No, no, it’s okay. It kills me to watch you struggle but I know you want to learn to manage these things on your own,” he said just as quietly as he brushed your hair over your shoulder and smiled warmly down at you. “Are we still alone?” he asked.

It had become his new “stay with me”, a quick and easy question he could ask to judge where your mind was at without overstepping your own determination. Heaven forbid something happen to him and you couldn't even get through the first night alone, not that you would even want to.

“Yes, we’re still alone,” you answered before you inhaled a deep breath and tucked yourself under his arm to take in the view of the dark storm rolling across a marvelous expanse of sky. “It’s just going to take me some time to get the hang of things. Feel more normal again.”

He turned his body to face yours, setting his mug down on a wicker table so his hands were free to take either side of your face between them gently. Your eyes fell shut at the feeling, a feeling that was indescribable now that your heart wasn’t caught between him and someone else.

“Take all the time you need,” he whispered softly. “We have plenty of it.”

You let the weight of your head rest completely in his hands, lolling it to one side as you felt his face draw nearer to yours at the behest of your fingers working to find friction in his shirt.

“Actually, I don't think I need time,” you corrected yourself in a light murmur, your eyes still rocked closed.

“No?” he questioned.

You shook your head gently and opened your eyes, though they found themselves instantly fixed to his lips and far too intrigued to move.

“No. Your hands make me feel more normal than anything else.”

Your mouth willed him forward, lips parted and face angled up toward his, waiting, ever so patiently.

It felt like an eternity before his lips finally brushed against yours, just barely meeting yours where they yearned for him so desperately. But when you felt him there, grazing gently along your skin in an almost timid manner, as though he were testing the waters, you closed what little distance there still was keeping you apart, connecting your mouths more fully in a delicate kiss.

It was different having his mouth pressed to yours now, different than anything you had felt in the past. Your soul was no longer being pulled in two different directions, fighting to just feel him. Now, it was only him there with you, no fight needed. It was clarity in a world that seemed to lack that very thing.

When your lips parted briefly, his eyes met yours, staring down at you warmly while his thumbs memorized the skin pulled across your cheeks.

“I wish my hands could forget the last thing they did to you.” He spoke quietly but you could see very plainly the hurt in his eyes as he relived the very thing his brother had run from.

You took his hands in yours, pressing them between your palms and squeezing them tightly.

“The last thing they did was make me feel more alive than I have ever felt,” you assured him.

When his lips met yours again, they were no longer timid. They moved against yours fervently, like they had something they wanted to show you. And they did.

You and Sam hadn't done much in the way of physicality since you'd left for the cliffside. He had insisted it could wait until you had a better handle on things. But as the weeks passed, your need for him had only grown to immeasurable heights and now, you no longer cared if you were mentally unstable or not. You'd find yourself in an even more dire situation if you didn’t have him. And soon.

Sam smiled against your lips as he read your mind. “You already have me; didn’t you know that?”

You smiled back as his hands grew needy against your body, feeling the skin and the lines and the curves he was convinced he'd never get enough of. Thank God you had an eternity to spend together. No limit of time would ever be enough to truly get your fill of him.

It felt like your bodies found one another in slow motion, amongst an almost silent backdrop that only held in the air the sound of waves far beneath you and the trickle of rain that had started from above you, neither of which could touch you in the safety of your home and the safety of his arms.

Your body sought his in any way it could while he walked you through the house, each room quieter and more still than the last, until you blindly reached bed. And you didn't mind the cold as you went. In fact, your hands searched for it, fervently, that smooth, cold skin that they'd barely even been allowed to touch save for a much more shameful moment against a tree in a forest and covered in blood. It wasn't like that now, though. There was no shame to be found as you stripped him of his clothes so quickly, you knew he'd find tears in the fabric when this was long over.

Sam's hands acted with that same sense of urgency and desperation, a cartographer eager to map the planes of your body and how they belonged to him. How they existed for him. His movements to undress you were like silent little promises, each and every one, whispers of the way he felt for you, demonstrations of the way he'd care for you.

You could have remained that way forever and never felt anything but happiness, with Sam in front of you, bared to you and you to him, and your body pressed into his until every crack was sealed and no inch of space went untouched by him.

His hands rested flat against your back, drawing down along your shoulder blades until they reached the dimples at your lower back and the swell of your ass. And then he dipped them even lower to grab at your thighs and part them for him, lifting you high up around his waist to fit snugly between your legs. Even with your eyes closed and your mouth still claiming his, you memorized his body against yours. It would be your new calming memory, your new sense of peace, the thing you used to ground yourself when the nights got difficult.

You barely even registered the sea of plush that hit your back as he used the mattress stopping you to bring his body even closer to yours, pressing into you hard and hungry all while he devoured you.

You begged him with your body and your mind alike to let you feel him inside of you, the last form of connection you'd ever need. But as his mind searched yours, wading through the messy waters there to listen the way he usually did, he pulled his lips away finally, along with his body, until he only stood between your legs, gazing down at you lying ready for him on the bed.

“Are we still alone?” he asked, reaching down to trace lines along your thigh where he could still reach.

You didn't even need to check the way you sometimes did, when you'd fearfully set your eyes to turn about the room, looking for shadows, listening for voices. You could tell just by the silence that engulfed you that he was the only one there with you.

You lifted yourself up onto your elbows and then onto your palms until your torso raised parallel to his where he stood just beside the bed. And you brought your lips to his skin, the expanse around his navel first to let your tongue taste the saltiness there. You heard him let out a gasp above you as your cold fingers found him next, wrapping around his length as your mouth traveled up and down and along his torso that seemed to heave beneath your touch.

Those droopy, doughy eyes watched you carefully as you savored him. You felt indescribably lucky to be touching him this way. Even just to have him this way.

“There's no one here but you and me,” you whispered against his skin.

The way it was meant to be.

He worked a hand into your hair to pull your face away, enough to angle your head back to gaze up at him. And with your mouth vacant once more, he leaned down to connect your lips again, this time taking himself in his hand and angling his hips just right so that he could slide easily between your legs and thrust himself inside of you.

You gasped against his mouth as he stilled himself there, giving you both a moment to truly feel one another as you became one in an instant.

His eyes fell shut the way yours did and your lips hovered close to one another's, both parted and breathing deeply to steady the sudden desperate ache that grabbed at you, begging you to move at light speed to continue what you'd started.

“I don't know how I got this lucky,” he shook his head almost in disbelief just before he worked both of his hands up into your hair to steady himself against you once more, enough to draw his hips back slowly and thrust them forward again, sinking himself deeper into you. You both moaned at the feeling, the sounds mingling together and dancing in the air until it was impossible to tell where one noise ended and the other began.

You could hear nothing but the waves and the rain and the sounds he made as he lifted you just off the bed to position himself better, coming down to hover over you as his hips couldn't help but work themselves up into a rhythm.

God, you needed him. You needed this every waking second for the rest of eternity. It was the way his hands gripped your skin to pull you closer, the way his moans started deep in his chest and muffled themselves against your mouth, the way he felt filling you up and nudging the deepest parts of you, all of him really that conjured up happy tears in your eyes and the vacancy in your lungs.

His hand moved to your chest, slender fingers splaying out flat against your body to push you backward against the mattress again, giving himself a better view as he sent another sharp thrust through his hips, driving himself deeper inside of you until you could practically feel him in your stomach. And he moved slowly to savor his every movement but his pelvis drove into you hard, each thrust sending you scooting halfway up the bed as decency fell away and only an urgent hunger for one another remained.

His name, it was the only thing you knew as your back arched off the bed and your fingers reached out to grab at his chest or his arms or his hair, whatever they could find to grip and keep you tethered to him.

“I love you, Sam. Fuck, I love you. I love you,” you gasped from underneath him as the feelings overflowed in your chest, culminating in a prayer to him.

Sam dipped his head back down with a gentle curse and brought his lips to the skin just below your breasts. And you waited to feel fangs sink into your skin there. You waited for that piercing pleasure to send hot, sharp pain through your body. But it never came. Only his lips and tongue graced you, peppering you with lazy, sloppy kisses while his hips never even faltered.

“I have loved you for so long,” he answered between kisses and drags of his tongue against your icy skin. “And I'll love you to the end.”

You took his position as an opportunity to weave your hands into his long hair, letting them tangle themselves and pull as they pleased as your body sought his up and off the bed.

“And after or I'll haunt you, Samuel. Wherever you are in the afterlife, I'll find you-oh fuck!” A sharp gasp cut through your words as he nudged that beautiful spot inside of you.

He brought his face level with yours, showing off the smile that had spread on his lips.

“And after,” he promised with a nod, just before his brows furrowed and his mouth dropped open at the feeling of you squeezing tighter around him.

It was like its own little source of pleasure, knowing you could cause a reaction like that in him. It sparked something a bit more animalistic inside of you, prompting you to pull him down roughly and roll him over onto his back so you could begin to ride him at a much faster pace. But he quickly lifted his body up to meet yours, wrapping a strong arm around the small of your back to help guide your rhythm.

“Fuck,” he grunted, his face taking on a determined look as his hands worked with your hips to spur your movements on. Just a little harder, just a little faster.

You moaned out a loud sound as you wrapped your arm around his shoulders and dropped your forehead down onto him. Each raise and lowering of your hips brought him closer, brought you closer.

His hands worked hard to spread across every inch of your skin as your hips rolled against him, taking him as deeply as you could.

“I-I swear you saved me,” he stuttered out against the feeling, against your skin. “When we met, I was giving up.”

You squeezed your eyes shut at his words, moving faster and truthfully, feeling nothing but him and the blinding bliss his body created.

“Shit-” His words threatened to fail him as expletives began to drip from your own mouth like a chant now. But he seemed so determined to make you understand just exactly how he felt, as if you couldn’t feel it in the way his body clung to yours or in the way his eyes drooped just a little more with the heavy weight of his love for you.

“Everything inside of me burns with desire for you,” he grunted as he gripped your waist tighter and bounced you harder on his length.

“Oh fuck, Sam-” you choked out.

“I swear,” he breathed out, enraptured in your bliss almost more than his own, “you’ve made me better.”

It was his words that did it in the end, sending you crashing over the edge with his name burned into your throat as your walls clenched hard around him. And he followed not long after, spilling deep inside of you and clutching your body as close to his as he could manage.

The aftermath you had left took the shape of bed linens strewn across the floor along with clothing that may or may not have been wearable again in its current state. And in bed, your bodies entangled that same way, haphazard and draped wherever they had left off with one another. But even so, his lips strolled along your skin lazily, whatever he could reach as you fell back onto the mattress like he was reluctant to let the moment end.

You knew what he was doing. He was committing this very moment to memory, trying not to lose even a single detail.

“A new favorite.” It wasn’t so much a question but he nodded in confirmation.

“A new favorite.”

You couldn't help the smile that spread across your lips.

He seemed to be settling into the bed, likely to help you sleep, but you hardly felt tired. Actually, you'd never felt more alive than you did in that moment. So wearing only a mischievous smirk, you slipped off the mattress as he eyed you and your form carefully.

You waltzed across the room to his side of the bed as the confusion grew on his face. And when you stood next to him and took his hand gently in yours, you gave him a grin.

“I'll race you,” you teased just before you flew out the door behind you.

You could hear him yelling from behind you as you went.

“Where are you going? You're indecent!”

“Come find me beneath the water!” you yelled back, pushing through every door in your way until your feet had found solid ground.

Then you flung your body over the cliff's edge.

And when your body hit the water and began to sink into it like a rock, welcoming the vast darkness that existed below the bellowing surface, you again found yourself unable to contain the smile that formed at your lips when you felt the splash of him meeting you there.

Taglist: @gvfcinema @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @hippievanfleet @crossczeched48 @cassiesgreta @sunfl0wer-power @abby-gvf @joshkiszkasfoot @joshskittytickler @lightsofthe-living-gvf @i-choose-the-road @am-bam @alwaysdaydreamingoffiction @themoreyou-love @bumblebeewrites @coolmedown @sacredthesin @jonch-gvf @justdamnpeachy @fallenstar1708 @vanfleeter @laurengvf8 @allybtj @watching-over-hypegirl @hr33gvf @kaitburb @threadofstars @jennasometimesreads @samiiijones @jakekiszkasmommy @lallisonl @therobynsworld-blog @misshunnybee @sparrowofthedawnsworld @demonrat444 @malany-gvf @myownparadise96 @capturethechaos @st4rdust-ch0rds @montenegroisr @sacredjake @notthedroidz @sinarainbows @kissingthegoat @eraofstardustchords @cherryflo @blacksoul-27 @lyndz2names @earthgrlsreasy @gvfmarge @carlyfleet @thetroublegetssoloud71 @withlovegvf @suzi107 @gracev0609 @objectsinspvce @kissakiszka @amorlizette @stardustcatcher @notsostrangerthing @brokebellsgvf @sweet1squash @imleavingyoufornewyork @lipstickitty @mavvanfleet

[athenashaw]

Something I think we need more of are "human endings" in media.

Because sometimes the "will they/won't they" couple... Don't.

Sometimes stuff just doesn't work out.

Sometimes it may seem perfect on paper but shit just gets in the way.

Because sometimes you just don't get resolution or closure.

Sometimes "And they all lived" is a much more meaningful way to end than "And they all lived happily ever after". Because we know living happily ever after isn't actually achievable. Happy forever? Not humanly possible. So there's a sense of dissatisfaction. The resolution is not palatable. To allow characters to have story lines that just trail of unresolved or get forgotten, or who meet "The One" but it doesn't wor etc. is much more understandable. It's what happens. It's what we know. So the characters are allowed in our minds - if not eternal happiness - Life.

I'm not saying completely obliterate all of the tropes previously mentioned. Nor am I saying human endings aren't already in some media. And of course I'm not saying that media should be bland. Bring on the bizarre, the absurd, the wonderfully wacky! I'm just saying we need more of these impactful, personal, human endings.

[boyfhee]

help y tf was i not following u 😀 also hi lin gimme a niki hcs rn or forever be bald

mf and i was thinking why my hair fall increased should've known it was you . anw enjoy ur 'ki hcs 😒😒😒😒

ft · nrk

content : established relationship, bullet points

warnings : none that i noticed ( my fluff writing abilities have disappeared )

riki is the type of bf who eats your snacks, for two reasons, of course. first, he's hungry, and second, it gives him more opportunities to buy your favourite snacks and surprise you ( even though it's an old trick now ) sure, it's annoying at first but at some point, it isn't even surprising to see food disappearing from your refrigerator and shelves. you know it's going to be back by the evening, and in more amount.

has a habit of stealing your blanket while sleeping. never sleeps on his side of the bed, he has to turn to your side and hug you to sleep even in peak summers. no, you don't get to have your blanket back and complain. if you push him away, he'll roll back over to you, and in the morning, find him teasing you about how you can't even stay away from him even in sleep, how you're so in love that you always end up on his side of the bed.

riki likes to try new things with you, and even if they're not new, he'd like it if you try things that he likes, be it food, games, songs, dance, shows, just whatever. it makes him feel closer to you, makes him feel like with everything common between the two of you, the distance between you both is vanishing. he simply likes the idea of you enjoying the same things as him, to see you happy doing things that make him happy. it's one of the reasons why he's been excited to have you meet his friends and family. just the idea of you, who is very important to him, meet other people who are important to him as well. just makes him feel reassured, tells him that you're here to stay.

i think he has a habit of whispering in your ear. it doesn't matter if you're in public or by yourself. he will lean down and whisper in your ears if he could— and it's not a secret. his words are mostly about the usual things he notices are you, random compliments, a joke and you both would laugh about in your own little world.

likes to make things for you ! please, i cannot stress how riki-like this is. whether it's a sketch, a short lyric, matching bracelets, food, whatever— he likes to give you gifts and nothing is better than hand-crafting something and pouring every ounce of love he has into it. there's a mini showcase of all the gifts he has ever made for you, ranging from pots he made and painted himself, to the photo frame he made on your first birthday after getting together with him.

remembers every little thing about you, good or bad, embarrassing or not. you'd be surprised to know the things he remembers. sometimes, they're about stuff you'd have forgotten yourself. he'd be like, "i remember you wanted to buy this for so long," and he's referring to a conversation you had months ago. he's so observant, he notices every single thing do you, your preferences, the dress you like the most, your favourite chapstick, the perfume you're wearing. he knows you so well that if it came to a point where in some world, riki hasn't seen you, he would still know it's you.

good morning, good night, hello, good bye and hourly i love you kisses are must or he would be found unconscious on the living room floor.

[lurkinggirlie]

Sometimes I get annoyed

"If elriels are convinced Elain is happy with the IC, and she has the twins as friends and is secretly in love with Azriel why would she need a book if she's living her happily ever after" - this coming from an elucien is laughable....

that's why I'm forever convinced that people who ship Elain and Lucien don't like her as much as those who ship her with Az. We've seen her show interest in only one of them this far and that’s what we’re following. Like why are you against her feelings....why are you against the friends she made?

1- no one said Elain is living her happily ever after...since you know these are romances and she's single.

2- just because she found her friends already and has feelings for Azriel because it was HINTED in the actual books. doesn't mean she doesn't need a book.

Elain is a lot more than who she will end up with. There are her powers for instance that still need exploring, everything about her seems to have happened off the page, so yes we need to know more about that. I've never seen an Elriel saying Elain is content with where she is in life. ACOSF literally tells us she's willing to help in any way she can because she is a part of the night court. Elriels saying they want Elain with Az and that they like her friends isn't an attack on Elain...her friends are spies ffs, how is this limiting and putting her in a box??? We’re not saying everything we’re saying is canon, but these are things that were shown in the text.

3- Elain still has the mating bond that she does NOT want, hanging over her head. so, a book of hers will deal with that too. And of course, whatever adventure sjm will throw her way. Because yes, sjm will. These are fantasy books. Elain WILL do something. Even if you can’t envision her doing so doesn’t mean you’re right.

Being with Lucien isn't the only thing that’s going to give her the life of adventure. Because somehow, they think ONLY Lucien will do that and Azriel will stifle her…. lol as if SJM will ever do that, I need you guys to be serious for one second. Sjm is obsessed with Az she isn’t about to write a Tamlin 2.0.  

And somehow friendship only means the band of exile, I’m not going to say Elain will never meet them, or never be friendly with them. If sjm wanted that she could, nothing is wrong with having head canons. But we also can’t ignore the fact that Elain already has friends. Again, I'm not saying she will never have friends outside this circle but come on now. Mocking elriels for saying Elain already found her friends is just...not it, especially since canon text is telling us they're close. That her friends know her moods better than even Feyre does.

Why is this a fact that's hard to grasp, and is bothersome to people?

[hyperfixating-rn-brb]

I think i realized part of why I love good omens so much. because not every love story happens when people are young. and not every love story is fully realized.

aziraphale and crowley are thousands of years old, and they found love. we don't know how long they were angels before the invention of time, or how long they existed before they met. and they found each other and they found love. they may have denied it for 6000 years, but they felt they had no choice. Heaven and hell would destroy them, and it simply wasn't safe. when the time comes for them to be almost fully comfortable in their relationship, they're torn apart again. but they found love and they will reunite and have their happy ending.

gabriel and beelzebub found love after millenia of leading their separate sides, sticking resolutely to the idea of the great plan. until they stopped. what if there was no armaggedon? what if you said you liked this song and now its the only thing that will play here? what if I loved you? gabriel and beelzebub cut ties with heaven and hell, and dissappear together. we don't know where they went and its likely we'll never know, but they're happy and together. it took them millenia, but they found love.

nina and maggie probably still aren't together, but I personally believe they will once nina is in a better headspace. they've both been in relationships before, nina is presently in the process of a breakup with the emotionally abusive lindsey. but they are able to enjoy each others company and maybe someday have a beautiful and healthy relationship. they're both adults who have been in relationships and broken up, and they're finding love.

as much as i love many of the storyline, sometimes it hurts to see so many stories where all these people my own age are getting in their first relationships and are suddenly together forever. they find love almost immediately and live happily ever after. we never see what happens after the first few chapters, and most of the time we don't know if they ever break up or if every character ends up living a happy life with their high school sweetheart. that storyline is so much of what these books and shows tell us, but not everything is like that. people break up and deal with toxic and abusive situations and sometimes just don't work out. most people don't end up with the first person they like. they might not even fall in love with that person. as a teenager myself, so many adults tell me that high school relationships will never last and jts easier to wait until adulthood. but if that's what they tell us, why constantly tell this narrative of perfect young love? sometimes watching this same story makes me feel like I'm falling behind when I see these characters my age being so happy and in relationships while I'm stuck alone and anxious.

good omens is a wonderfully diverse show, but one of my favorite parts is how essentially every romantic storyline takes place well into the characters lives, with lives and past relationships. people can grow and change and not be made to feel as if they have to live happily ever after with the first person they like. they take their time figuring things out. they live close but barely interacting until they are drawn together later in life. they work nearby and come together during a chaotic time and bond over the stressful situations. and they find love, no matter where they are in life, what they've been through. they find love because love isn't just something limited to teenagers.

[larcenywrites]

hcs for tony wanting to ask you to marry him ❤️❤️ fem!reader

aaah yes 🥹 This one also became a little more than something so simple 💛

To Have You Forever

Warnings: nothing really except she/her pronouns and like one mild sexual reference

He never really found value in marriage. It was just something religious people did, or for people that seem to think a pretty piece of metal and a kiss somehow made a relationship more important. He gets you tons of pretty metals! Hell, he has one in his chest and flies around in it! He kisses you every day- he’s done it in 16 different countries! If that was all it took, then no wonder you were so smitten with him. Besides, he was far to busy for lawyers, and paperwork, and planning, and surely you didn't want to deal with all of that either, right? You seemed just as happy and relaxed that all of that wasn't taking up your time.

Every Christmas he raises an eyebrow at all those silly ads, one after another. You look at him just like that, and he's never proposed! And every Valentine's Day he has to politely decline his usual jeweler when he tries to direct him to that certain case. And sometimes when he sees that old wedding picture of his parents sitting on the bookcase in the living room, he can practically hear his mom pushing him. And the longer he looks, the more he wishes she were around to do just that. To maybe even help him understand.

Is it a reassurance? Sure, he used to think you'd eventually leave him- and he wouldn't even blame you if you did. But he knows better now. He knows as a fact you're with him until the end, and he doesn't need a paper with a ring when your voice wakes him up in the morning and your hand flies to his arm when you get startled.

Symbolic? Well, sure. Isn't that the whole point? Just a more tangible form of love, or whatever. But he doesn't need that either. Not when you hide silly little love letters in the form of sticky notes in his suitcase, and let him put on which necklace he thinks you should wear tonight because he's bought you far too many for you to decide, and that's all you'll be wearing for him later...

Surely not just for the legal benefits, right? What more could make your life any easier? Honestly, it might make things more complicated! Besides, you aren't here to make sure you can get all or half of everything he owns because you kind of already have that. Next!

He sighs. What else is there? Fun? To play dress up? That's like every other weekend. Couldn't be commitment. You already have that! How could there be more? You know he’s with you 100%, and god, if there is one, knows that you definitely prove it every day. But that's what finally sticks out to him. No, not the meaning of the word commitment, but your commitment. You’ve stuck around through a lot, huh? He wasn’t always the best during all of it, and yet here you were. Always there to hold him steady after a nightmare, always there to patch him up when he got home. You were still there even when he basically ignored you for days on end and still there even when he was being difficult for no reason. Even when the fridge was full of leftovers and even when he promised to be home days ago.

And for what? To be left alone when you needed him most? To be snapped at when he was in the middle of programming something that he's already fucked up three times and you've accidentally just made it four? To have something to new to worry about just about every week, or for him to start an argument over it even though he knows you're coming from a good place?

For him to be answering all these questions for you?

He's never asked you if you know he loves you, or if you feel like he could show it better than with expensive things and those occasional three words. He's never asked you if those Christmas ads seem just as cheesy to you. He's never asked you if ever wanted marriage. He's never asked you if you wanted kids. So not only have you stuck around through all of his bullshit, but he's never even asked you the important stuff that usually comes with a relationship. And you're still here, with I love you's and soft smiles, with warm baths and kisses. So devoted to a lost cause like him.

What does he even call you? Everyone just sort of knows who you are.

The more he's thinking down this path, the worse he feels. You do everything right to make him feel like he's at home forever, and he-

Suddenly, when he looks over at you sleeping next to him, like you always do, something finally clicks. Something he can’t quite explain but somehow it makes sense. Forever. A dreaded word in many contexts, but he's been living with it for... what feels like forever now. And the thought excites him. Because while you change out those necklaces every time, sometimes don’t even wear one at all, that ring would always be a part of your outfit. He’ll get to call you his forever every time he introduces you as his wife, and he’ll get to be your forever, too. He’ll get to read from a creased little list all the forevers he’s always been to shy to say out loud, but somehow he feels giddy about it knowing that you’ll be just as shy to tell him what he already knows. No matter what happens he won’t -he can’t- leave you behind, and you won’t leave him. And if… he does have to leave you behind, no one can take anything away from you.

He doesn’t know if he deserves it, but you seem to think he does. Why else would you have loved him for this long? You definitely deserve it. To know your love wasn’t wasted, and to know it will always be cherished. To be promised that. He can promise you all of this. Everything!

His too logical brain fights back as always. You already know it’s forever! You’ll still wake up by his side in five years just as you did yesterday. Nothing really changes but your last name. For once, though, his heart wins. He wants to see you walk towards him in one of those long white dresses, to giggle with him in some honeymoon suite on the other side of the world. To have a new reason to keep leaving him notes, and have something more meaningful to anxiously thumb at when he hasn’t called you back.

It’s funny. He never really thought about it, but suddenly (Y/N) Stark has a nice ring to it. He was the only Stark for so long so… well, maybe you wouldn’t mind helping him make more.

Now that his emotions are all over the place, he can’t go back to sleep. He’s planning it all out now! Right when that clock hits 10am he’s on the hunt at his usual haunt, his usual jeweler excited to show off the most popular engagement rings-

Most popular? That just means everyone has one. Your love is far too unique for that. But he can see why the least popular is what it is. Custom? That sounds romantic! Actually it seems harder with all these cuts, and stones, and bands… he’s no jeweler! How should he know? This is going to be harder than he thought.

He’s looking everywhere. Online, LA, New York, Paris. Nothing feels right, but you’d probably take anything, honestly, but he doesn’t want just anything for you, he wants perfect! If you comment on the way something looks while you’re out, he’s taking careful note of what sort of designs you like, but it seems all over the place, or there’s not anything that matches quite right. Maybe he could just take you to go look but that defeats the purpose in a way.

It’s not until he’s in a half destroyed little local shop in Austria- not even sure what town he’s in or if it’s even Austria. It’s not flashy, or big, or particularly stunning in terms of diamond engagement rings, but something about it keeps drawing his eyes back to it. Something about that diamond’s teardrop shape, how that braided band nestled around it so delicately. Or maybe his brain just subconsciously bound to it when it landed in front of his face after getting thrown into the now shattered display case. Shinily sitting at the tip of his nose and surprisingly unbroken. He couldn’t have come up with a better metaphor if he tried!

Either way, he’s taking it home with him, only a little bloody but you won’t have to know that after a quick wash in the hotel room. He’s done it! He found the one! He can’t wait to show you, to tell you! It’s a random Thursday at 3pm and he probably looks like shit, but he’s busting through the door like it’s Christmas Day. You deserve better than his spontaneity, a pretty plan on your anniversary or a gift with a nice bow. But you’re his pretty plan, his future, a gift he’s about to put a bow on.

“Tony?!” You yelp when he picks you up in the middle of the kitchen, tightly wrapped around him when spins you around. He seats you on the marble countertop, uncontrollably smiling. You smile with him, confused but always happy to be along for his antics.

“Be my forever, (Y/N),” he proclaims, taking your hand.

“What?” You ask him with a small laugh, still confused but accepting the kiss he suddenly plants on your lips anyway.

“I know I’m bad at keeping promises,” he starts, pulling away. Your daze is finally broken when you feel something slipping around your finger. You can’t decide where to look, your grip on his shirt quivering. He can get used to the feeling of the cold metal touching his neck when your hand wraps around him. You’re already nodding into his chest before he even got the chance to finish.

“But would you let me keep this one?”

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @captain-hen @anxieteandbiscuits @lemonzestywrites @forthewolves @king-buckley @hippolotamus @watchyourbuck @shitouttabuck @lover-of-mine @thewolvesof1998 @heartshapedvows @jesuisici33 @hoodie-buck @wikiangela @monsterrae1 @exhuastedpigeon

thank you all! sorry it took me so long to do this <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

582,638

3. What fandoms do you write for?

only 911 at first but now i have a fringe fic and a wolfsong fic in the works

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head (eddie comes out to buck and to be supportive buck buys eddie a very gay mug)

today i live for a single drop of you (5 times buck dreams about sucking eddie's cock and 1 time he actually gets to do it)

when the violence causes silence (set after 6x10, eddie dealing with the aftermath of the lightning strike and working out how to confess his feelings)

we live and breathe words (buck finds eddie's poetry and realizes eddie is in love with him and decides to do something about it)

slowly getting sober from the taste of your skin (pwp, threesome between buck, eddie, and evil doctor buck)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do! at least, i do my best, i know sometimes i get the notification and look away and completely forget asdfghjkll, but i love responding and weeping about my gratitude

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ummm all of my fics have happy endings sooooo i don't have an answer for this

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ummm maybe red life might stream again because eddie and buck went through a lot of shit in that fic so i made it my mission to give them the happiest and sappiest ending possible

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i have been very lucky in that i haven't

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

oh yes i do. and i suppose it's very emotional and sappy smut. i do try to balance filthy and sweet

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

never written one

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to me knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

me and @elvensorceress started writing a s2 rewrite where shannon lives that i absolutely adore, it's taken a bit of a backburner but it lives forever in my heart. also me and @spaceprincessem plan on writing one that im sure will be so very self-indulgent

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

gotta be buddie (though polivia from fringe is a close second)

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

im not sure. i plan on getting all of my wips done at some point and i don't really think there is one that i won't (at least not at this point)

16. What are your writing strengths?

descriptions i think. i can paint a pretty picture and definitely have flowery purple prose. and a lot of people have told me i am good at characterization which i always worry about but am glad to hear that's it's something im good at even if i doubt it

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i cannot shut up. everything i write is so lengthy even when it doesn't need to be. being succinct definitely isn't my strong suit. and uhh i struggle with writing dialogue because i will get lost in the character's headspace and forget people are supposed to be talking

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i absolutely love it though i don't do it often because i get nervous about it. thankfully i have friends that i can ask if i am unsure about something and im trying to get more comfortable doing it

19. First fandom you wrote for?

supernatural

20. Favourite fic you've written?

gotta be to you i'm just a man (to me you're all i am) because i put my heart and soul into that fic and i really loved delving into the 118's dynamic and everyone's relationship with buck and creating new circumstances for eddie and buck to fall in love

no pressure tagging (and sorry if you've already been tagged) @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @bvckandeddie @colonoscopys @housewifebuck @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @paranoidbean @911onabc @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @try-set-me-on-fire @bucks118 @devirnis @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @transboybuckley @rewritetheending @eddiediaztho @callaplums

[thedeviljudges]

hey

do you think that yohan and gaon will reunite again? Do you think it will be a post-canon happy ending?

this show has me in a chokehold and kang yohan is my comfort character

hi there! so i don't even have to speculate whether they would. writer moon himself has said they would end up working together again!!

Asked if he plans to write season 2, writer Moon Yoo-seok said, "If many people love 'Devil Judge', we can make a follow-up season." If such an opportunity arises, it will be fun to solve it in a more cheerful live tone like "Sherlock" and "Lupin" this time, he said. article here

and it's mentioned in this article, too:

Kang Yohan escaped from the Supreme Court through the escape route prepared in advance and went to Switzerland with Elijah, and he boldly appeared at the Judicial Reform Public Hearing Hall to see if Gaon was doing well. It’s not the end of Gaon’s fantasy, but there are viewers who misunderstand that. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you, but Yohan is doing well with Elijah, and we will see him again soon with Gaon. The world doesn’t change that easily. article here.

however, i have broken down my thoughts here and written a whole post about why the ending isn't sad with screencaps and me rambling about why they're not going to be able to stay away from each other if you'd like to read my thoughts outside of these articles.

i don't think the devil judge was ever meant to be a sad story for yohan and gaon. i think the ending opens up so much hope and possibility. i think what is sometimes failed to be recognized is that yohan and gaon really do need time away from each other after the events of the show. they need to heal and figure out who they are. what they both went through was traumatic.

and the great thing about it is yohan physically reminding gaon that he will always be there when he needs him. a temporary situation doesn't mean forever. they have each other's support, and yohan will go the distance for gaon.

tbh i don't think they could stay away from each other if they tried. gaon did, and he was so miserable. yohan was literally so sad when gaon left; we don't often see him that affected by things aside from isaac and elijah.

and lastly, my brain just refuses to accept it's a sad ending. one of the points of the devil judge is about hope. why end it with none?

[stillwinterair]

Howdy kids

My name is Dee! It's not the name I went by for most of my years on Tumblr, but it's the one everyone knows me as. You might remember my url as nyriad, visovari... I went by a bunch of others too, but those are the only two I seem to remember now 😅

The last time I was on Tumblr, I was in the middle of a very difficult period of my life that I didn't really have the tools or support to navigate. But sometimes you gotta go a lil wacky and make some fresh new regrets so you can grow up a lil bit wiser and sexier

I quit the internet pretty much cold turkey for a while and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I spent a year pretty much focusing on nothing but my immediate surroundings, living in my own skin, learning how to love myself. I've gotten a lot more comfortable being myself, and have grown a lot more connected to the earth.

In my time away, I was diagnosed with ADHD, which even just the diagnosis has significantly improved almost every facet of my life. I've gotten so many new tools and so much new language to express myself and my needs. I've stopped feeling like there is something wrong with me and let go of a lot of shame that I held around myself, my work flow, my ability to focus, my needs for rest, etc. As I've met more people with ADHD, I've grown a lot more empowered and confident. I'm still figuring out what medication works for me (Adderall and Concerta are hell incarnate; Ritalin and Vyvanse are the bee's knees). It's been revolutionary and healing, honestly. Reading the book "Driven to Distraction" was an important first step that I recommend to everyone who's ever thought they might have ADHD, or if you were like me, always felt stupid and slow and always wondered why you never could quite get around to doing all the things you want to do.

I am also currently pursuing a diagnosis for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, as per my doctor's suggestion. I won't get into it too much here, but it is a chronic illness that has made the last year pretty difficult. I have a lot of severe chronic joint pain and lethargy, and it's been... a lot. I'm starting physical therapy soon. This part isn't fun to talk about, but it's becoming an important part of my identity.

I've also met the love of my life, my soon-to-be fiancee, Nathalie! We were inseparable pretty much from the day we met, and spent a year as best friends. And then after that year the sexual tension became too much to handle, and now another year later, here we are, stupidly in love, utterly obsessed with each other, turning every single day into a fun, wacky, new adventure lmao. We've built the most beautiful, trusting, communicative, intimate relationship I've ever experienced and I am so filled with pride and joy and love and happiness every day. We're still best friends -- no force on this earth could ever get us to shut up when we're in the same room. She just fills me with butterflies and glee and light. Nat has this burning desire to create in whatever the most tactile medium she can find is. She loves mechanisms and fibers and all of the ways different materials interact with each other. She inspires me every day to be more open and honest and to pursue whatever creative venture has caught my interest, and I do the same for her. We dance together, create together, and share big emotions and life goals and it's just the most beautiful thing I've ever felt, and this paragraph could go on forever if I don't end it right now

I've also finally started to settle into my writing flow. I've got a space opera that's really beginning to take shape and I'm pretty proud of what it's turning into :) I also have a fantasy saga that's following a few steps behind. Both are things I've been working on for nearly a decade in fits and spurts, but I've done more work on them in the last year than in all previous years combined. I've gotten into more artistic mediums as well: oil painting, photography, beading, and so on. And very into fashion, kind of. Y'all should see my wardrobe these days -- bright colors, crazy patterns, wacky silhouettes. I feel like I finally look like myself. I'm currently rocking a purple mullet and a mustache, so... yeah, I'm having fun with it

I'm not sure how many of my old friends and mutuals are still hanging around, but I wanted to say hey, track a few of you down, and give a little update on how things are going for me post-Tumblr. I am alive, and I'm pretty happy these days. Some days I miss it here, and while I'll never come back in the same capacity as I used to, I wanted to reconnect with some of my old friends that I used to talk to and hang around with every day! I'm gonna poke around over the next while and see who's still around :) honestly I still think about some of y'all on the daily, and I got too curious about how my old friends were doing.

If you want to keep in touch, I'm on Instagram as deehollandaise. I'm on Discord much less often, but if you want to connect there, shoot me a message and I'll share the deets. Warning that I am just straight up not involved in any fandom stuff these days. It's just not for me anymore.

I will be retiring this blog in the new year, setting the whole dang thing to private and probably starting a new one with which to share some of my creative projects. I'll let y'all know about it before that happens.

I don't know, this is all kinda word vomit, I guess I just wanted to let all my old friends know that I'm still here and that I'm finally figuring myself out. I've got a lot to be proud of and grateful for and I've barely scratched the surface, so I'll leave off with some recent photos. Have a hot & sweaty 2024, you sexy things 😘

- Dee