#sorry for the mistakes and error

[thesunisatangerine]

playing for keeps – chapter four

alexia putellas x barçakeeper!childhoodfriend!reader

warning/s: coarse language; mentions of: grief, death, drowning; not proofread

(a/n in the tags) [chapters: one, two, three, four]

word count: 13.1k

[1]

‘Can you meet me at the playground?’ was Guille’s message the night after your graduation, casting a blue streak over a relatively warm summer night. The short hand of the clock hovered over eleven when you got it, and you had half a mind to ignore it–because how dared he do this now?–but you sent him a reply before heading out of the door.

The playground was less than ten minutes away but you took the corner; the one that led around the block. He could wait, you thought. After all, you’d been giving him just that: the luxury of time. But he never did anything with it did he, so why would you rush? And what could he possibly want now after months of ignoring you? Was this a final goodbye? After everything you’d been through together, was this really how it’s going to end? 

You sniffled and ran the back of your hand over your eyes as you walked the last few yards to the park.

Tap tap tap.

The distinct sound of football-to-shoe brought you back. Ahead under the yellow glow of the lone streetlamp that lit the playground, with his back turned to you, was Guille juggling a football. A breeze brushed your cheek and it carried the familiar sweetness of Guille’s body spray. You remembered when he started using it—it was around the time you’d complained to him about how you found the scent of guy’s deodorants repugnant, and that you could only stand the new scent that he bought. And after that, it was all he’d ever used. You couldn’t help but wonder if that was around the time he started liking you, and the thought made you recoil. 

The ball reached another high, this time going over Guille’s head, making him turn, but it never connected to a touch. Instead, it landed on the ground. Its momentum carried it to a stop just a few paces away from you but you made no move to kick it back. You dragged your eyes away from the ball and found his finally.

For a moment, it was as if the world stood still. You soaked in the state of him: there was a heaviness that swelled in the skin beneath his eyes which were devoid of their usual light; his arms sagged heavily by his sides, contorting the contours of his silhouette to a shape that displaced the confidence you’d seen him wear so easily growing up. Even in the low light, the jagged cut that interrupted the line of his left brow remained prominent, but it was gone from view when dark curls fell to cover it after Guille ran his fingers through his hair.

He cleared his throat before he spoke, yet his voice still broke over his words. 

“Hey. Uh–thank you for coming,” he smiled a little. “Can we talk?”

You eyed him carefully, letting a moment of silence settle in the air as you crossed your arms. Only after you noted a slight movement in Guille’s throat did you skim the sole of your foot over the ball, sending it his way. When you met his eyes again, something akin to relief shone in them––or maybe it was gratitude?––before he kicked the ball towards you again. That went on for a while; back and forth the ball went during which no one said a word. From the way Guille kept clenching and unclenching his hands, you doubted he knew what he even wanted to say, least of all how to say it.

Still, you waited. 

Another moment, he stopped the ball, wiped his hands on the sides of his shirt before stuffing them in his short pockets, his posture awkward and stiff. He opened his mouth and in the breath before he spoke his first word, your heart dropped to your stomach and you braced yourself.

This was it.

“I–I want to apologize!”

You blinked. That… was unexpected.

“I know it’s probably too late, but I don’t think I can live without saying it, you know?” He shrugged as he smiled, but it was too crooked, and his eyes shone. 

“I’m really sorry. For what I did, and what I said. Those hurt you… I hurt you.”

He released a shaky breath, bit his lower lip as he swiped a thumb at the corner of his eye.

“I’m not expecting to be forgiven and I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore. I just–I’m sorry. And I want you to know that I had the best time with you.” 

His lips curled up to a smile but the quiver of his chin broke the curve and his tears spilled. 

He looked so young then, so much like a lost little boy who looked nothing like the boy you met when you were eight: newly-transferred Guille who became the smallest out of all the boys in your class yet, with his quiet confidence, he towered over them with his head held high. You remembered him as he was then when he first introduced himself to you, his cheeks rosy from playing too much under the sun and just a little out of breath when he asked you to be in his team during recess. He did it too without any snide remarks, something you’d gotten used to from playing with the other boys in class. He never brought your being a girl up even when your team lost, and it was the first time you were treated as an equal on the field at school. 

And he just stuck with you, and you with him; all the shared lunches, the laughter, the late night banters… there was no way you could let this friendship go. 

This was so stupid. 

“This is stupid,” you choked as you hastily wiped a tear away but it was quickly followed by another. “Come here, you idiot!” 

You surged forward and wrapped your arms around him, the force of it nearly knocking the both of you over. It took him a second but when the weight of his arms settled on you––when his comforting warmth finally seeped in––you were hit by just how much you’d missed him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” were the strained words spoken against your ear as he hugged you tighter. 

“You’re an idiot,” you mumbled on his shoulder. “It’s going to take some time but we’ll be alright, I forgive you. And I want us to remain friends, under two conditions if you’re up for it.” 

He pulled away slightly to wipe his cheeks, and gave you a small smile. He was a bit breathless when he said, “Anything.” 

There was a light lilt in his tone and you understood he meant it, so you nodded, returning his smile. He followed you when you went to sit on one of the benches, situating himself so there was enough space between you for one person.

Looking him in the eye, you started, “I know it’s a lot to ask but if you have any plans to wait for me, I want you to forget about it. I love you and I care for you, but I need you to understand that a brother and a friend is all I will find in you.” 

His eyes strayed downwards and they clouded over. He closed them with a sigh and when they opened, he looked at you and you found a lightness in them that comforted you; his face bore a friendly warmth that you haven’t seen in a while.

“I understand, and you don’t have to apologise.” 

He scooted closer so he could bump his knee against yours, now grinning. His playfulness made you smile.

“And one more thing,” you added after a moment, and he nodded for you to continue. “You… you have to make amends with Alexia.” 

The grin fled from his face and you didn’t miss the way he flinched. His knuckles whitened and tension brewed in his muscles. And when his eyes darkened, you couldn’t help but frown at the change in his demeanor. You reached out to touch his shoulder.

“Guille––”

Then, like a spring, all the air of rigidness left him. He threw his head back and released a laugh that caught you off guard. When he regarded you again, the curve of his lips remained.

Then he said in a tone filled with mirth, “You know, if she hadn’t knocked some sense into me that night, I’d probably still be wallowing in self-pity like an entitled prick.”

At the reminder, your eyes wandered to the scar on his left brow but they lingered only for a second.

“And yes, done. She hates my guts,” you opened your mouth to protest otherwise but when Guille gave you a pointed look, you closed it immediately, “but I will patch things up with her. Besides, I need to thank her for straightening me out.”

You gaped at him.

“It’s that easy?”

He shrugged, still smiling.

“I mean, yeah? It’s either those or losing you, and I know I value you more than I do my pride and ego.”

There it was again, his quiet confidence. It diminished though when he brushed a finger over the bridge of his nose, eyes darting down to his feet briefly before meeting yours again. And when he spoke, there was more than a little uncertainty that bled into his tone, and maybe a little bit of hope. 

“Besides, we’re friends. Right?”

You scrunched your nose at him in answer as you grinned.

“Damn right,” you confirmed. Then you punched his shoulder for good measure. His jaw dropped open in an offended gasp. He sat there wide-eyed for a moment before he locked an arm around your neck, his free hand mussing up your hair in an instant, and you could only shriek and chortle at the action. 

In that moment, you felt as if a weight had finally been lifted off your shoulders. And there was no better way to truly feel the lightness of being than having somebody to laugh with. Then a comfortable pause washed over you both as you caught your breaths. In the silence that settled, you leaned back on your hands and kicked your feet up idly in the air. 

It was Guille who spoke first. 

“You don’t have to answer, but do you like someone?”

Your feet stilled. And then, without bidding, a series of images flashed through your mind of brown hair, freckles, hazel… Warmth coiled and gathered in your chest as if the ghost of a hand hovered over it. 

“It’s her, isn’t it?”

A distinct pop went off somewhere in your neck from the speed by which you gaped at him. Guille’s eyes remained trained ahead and his face was relaxed, void of any judgement… Surely, he didn’t say what you thought he said, right? 

You swallowed, throat dry, and choked, “What did you say?”

“Alexia.” He turned to you then, and smiled; small but not unkindly. “She’s the one, isn’t she?”

Blood thundered in your ears, and your heartbeat tripled. 

“No! I–That’s ridic–”

Warmth over your hand; Guille had taken yours into his, and the ice in your skin thawed instantly. Only when Guille tightened his grip to still your hand did you know just how badly you were shaking. 

“Hey, look at me. It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone, I swear,” his voice was soothing and he squeezed your hand for good measure. “I think, deep down, I’ve always known. Maybe that’s why I treated everything as a competition because I felt threatened by her. And I never understood why you always gravitated towards her like she’s your own Earth. But now I know. If… If I ever made it difficult to come to terms with your feelings for her, I’m sorry.” 

His words and their sincerity brought a calm with them, stopping the surge of panic in your veins. And, like a tide, it receded. Finally finding your voice again, you spoke. 

“You–you’re not angry?”

His brows rose.

“Why would I be?”

Then he gave you another smile. You understood it was meant to reassure you but you couldn’t help but notice that the corners of his lips were somewhat weighed down with sadness. Still, judgement made no home in his eyes. 

“I won’t tell anyone. I promise. And if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

A brief pause as his eyes wandered. 

“I–Maybe not for a while. It’s not that I want to, but I think some distance will do me some good. I want to respect your boundaries, and for me to do that, I need to get my feelings sorted out. I’m… I’ve made up my mind anyway. I’m leaving the city.” 

“What?” You choked. “When? Where are you going?”

Then a spark of anger went off. You jabbed at his shoulder. Guille yelped suddenly, his eyes became wide with surprise. 

“You jerk! Is that the reason why you’re finally saying sorry?!” 

“I–No, of course not! I mean, yeah, but no!” He gestured in the air. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m here because I want to make amends, not because I feel like I had to. Besides, I won’t be leaving for another two months.” 

Oh.

“Oh.” Your cheeks felt warm. 

“Yeah, ‘oh’.” He repeated with a sarcastic note but a playful spark lit up his eyes. 

You apologised sheepishly. Then, “Where are you headed? And what are you going to do?”

Guille shrugged, leaning back against his arms as he looked up at the night sky.

“I don’t know yet. I was thinking of travelling for a bit, maybe go around Europe first? Do you remember how Aunt Aloma lives in London? Yeah, she told me I could stay with her if I ever planned to go there for university.”

When he mentioned London, a lead sank into your gut. Logically, you knew it wasn’t too far away; the three-hour long flight would be a small price to pay to see Guille again. The fact that he wouldn’t be an arm’s reach away like he was right then—that childhood was departing—made your chest ache. You didn’t know you’d teared up until you felt Guille’s hand on your shoulder and the consequent squeeze there. 

“Don’t cry on me now, I haven’t even left yet.” He said lightly but his eyes were glazed over, too. “Hey, don’t worry, it won’t be for good. Before you know it, I’ll be back here to annoy you. And you know, maybe once I’ve settled in London you could even visit.”

You took his hand and squeezed it back, saying, “Just say the word and I’ll be there. 

[2]

“He’s studying what now?” 

“Sports Psychology. Pay attention.” You swatted at Alexia’s hand but she ignored you. She continued to pinch some more grass from beside where she was laying and let them get carried by the breeze as she threw them into the air. The blades of grass flew freely but some of them landed on her chest and stomach where a bunch of them had begun to pile up. Still, she continued her endeavor. She looked ridiculous but warmth filled you nonetheless, and you smiled as you leaned over to pick them off her jersey. 

Alexia hummed with a note of surprise, “He works fast. He’s only been away for four months?”

“Well, we are talking about Guille here.” 

“Hmm, I always thought Lover Boy would end up in physio–Hey!” 

Alexia yelped when you jerked your thigh that her head was resting on.

“Stop calling him that,” you reprimanded with a light flick to her forehead. At the reminder though, your cheeks warmed. 

She rubbed her forehead as she narrowed her eyes at you, then with a huff and a pout, “Fine, fine! No need to get defensive. Why is it such a big deal anyway?”

“Because, Alexia, we’re all trying to move on.”

“You make it sound like the two of you broke up or something.” She snickered before adding, “Which begs the question, why didn’t you ever go out with him? Minus the fact that he gave you a concussion, of course.” 

Her tone changed at the end, an inflection of something bitter—a bit of her protectiveness showing through—that you chose to ignore. Yet you found yourself unable to answer her anyway. 

You recalled the conversation you had with Guille that night, the way he figured out who held your heart so easily. Ever since, a question gnawed at the edge of your mind, the same one that whispered to you now: were your feelings so transparent? So obvious? 

A brush against your jaw pulled you back and, upon looking down, you were met with the question still in Alexia’s eyes. You shrugged, pulling away from her touch as nonchalantly as you could. 

“Guille is a friend and only that.”

“But you were so close,” she commented.

“Proximity doesn’t always mean intimacy, Alexia.” You were grasping for straws, you knew this. Your eyes wandered before you admitted with another shrug, “Besides, I can’t really see myself in a relationship. Not right now, anyway.”

“Oh.” The sound Alexia made was gentle, barely audible, that you thought it was the wind’s whisper. And then in a tone so soft, “Really? You don’t like anyone? Anyone at all?”

There was something in the way she asked that beckoned you to look back down at her. The scattered rays of the sun dappled her freckled cheeks with flushed amber, and her eyes that were normally a deep shade of ochre shone golden in the light. There was a softness in them that made your heart stutter, and another thing you couldn’t quite figure out, almost a plea, but about what?

You dragged your eyes away from her lips to meet her eyes.

“No, I don’t think it’s for me,” you murmured.

She stared at you for a long time. It felt like being swallowed into their depths and you could do nothing but be swept away, keep the contact somehow, lest she’d find something she shouldn’t see. So you stared right back. 

Eventually, she whispered, “Maybe you just haven’t found the right person yet.”

The lump in your throat remained even after you swallowed. Finally looking away, you hummed out in half-agreement.

“Yeah. Maybe you’re right.”

A pause.

“Do you miss him?” 

“I do. I really do.” You admitted with a sigh. 

After another moment of silence, Alexia continued.

“Would… would you join a club in England?” 

Your gaze flicked back down to her, frowning a little.

“It’s either Barça or Bayern for me, Alexia. You know this.” 

At that, Alexia averted her eyes, picked a fallen leaf, twirled it between her fingers, and then looked at it as if it held the mysteries of the world. 

Carding a finger through her hair, you prompted softly, “Why would you ask that?” 

She shrugged, quirking the corner of her lips downwards. Then she met your eyes with barely concealed vulnerability, voice hesitant when she asked, “So, you’re staying?”

“I am,” you said firmly, smiling at her. “Besides, we’re in this together, aren’t we? Wherever you go, I’ll follow.” 

Finally, her lips broke into a grin.

“I can’t wait to play with you when we get on the first team.” She said with such certainty you couldn’t help but grin back.

“Do you really think we’ll make it?”

“Yeah. We will, you’ll see.”

And you did.

There reflected in her eyes the vision of a future. That familiar splendor of passion—that unwavering resolve—shone untarnished, and the mere sight of it filled you with an overwhelming desire to kiss her. Instead, you leaned down and pressed your forehead to hers.

Alexia accepted the contact with a sigh, and then she whispered, “Sorry to say, but you’re stuck with me, too.”

[3]

You got into Barça’s first team—the both of you did. 

There was a moment where you thought it was too good to be true, and that surely the other shoe would drop any time soon. 

And it did.

Maybe deep down, you hoped otherwise; that the universe would prove you wrong. But the universe had a wicked sense of humor, and you would’ve laughed at the cruelty of the joke if anguish had not choked your laughter tight into tears. The taste of achievement was still fresh on your tongue, still on your way to relishing it, before that same sweetness quickly soured to bitter disappointment. 

Not a year after joining Barça’s first team ranks, the news reached you. Our funds were not enough, they said, and they were sorry they had to cut the women’s team. There was no other way, the club didn’t have enough money to keep the team in the league.

The fact that you got a taste of your dream only to have the rug pulled beneath you was maddening, and it made the pain from the fall all the more worse. The news hit you hard, but Alexia took it the worst.

There was a thin line between perseverance and obsession, and some would even go so far to say that the two were opposite sides to the same coin. You know this. And you also know that Alexia had tossed that coin so many times now that she’d probably forgotten what each of those faces meant, progressively confounding one for the other until they were now one and the same.

Looking back now, the signs were all there: you were blinded by your own loss and your admiration for Alexia that you failed to see it or what it really was—a festering obsession. The signs were there in your time with Espanyol, especially during the first few months after the news of Barça’s restructuring broke; they were present in the way Alexia behaved compulsively, always seething with barely concealed hunger, her tenacity both on and off the field magnified to the tens. It waned somewhat during the season but now with the both of you facing another move—to Levante this time—her obsession resurfaced with renewed vigor, corrupting each knot of her muscle to constrict to their breaking point.

“Ale, do you want to come over to mine?” You asked, leaning against the doorframe of Alexia’s bedroom, while Alexia remained hunched over a folder filled with formations, the same one she’d been studying since last match day.

“Why?” She threw over her shoulder, not even turning to look at you.

You picked at your thumb. 

“I don’t know. Just come and sleep over? Mamá and Papá have been asking about you, you know?”

Finally she turned and her eyes found you. They were flat and the skin under them looked darker than they were yesterday. A slight crease was present between her brows, and her lips drooped slightly at the corners, seemingly unimpressed.

“I just saw them yesterday.” 

Okay, maybe that was a lie.

You shrugged it off, “Doesn’t matter. Come visit anyway.”

“I have other things to worry about,” Alexia grumbled with annoyance, turning around to assume her previous position.

“That’s not going to run away from you, Alexia. Come on.”

 Without letting her get another word in, you took her wrist in a gentle grip and tugged her away from her table. Although you had to admit, it was difficult not to remain unfazed when Alexia got like this, especially considering what she’s going through. Another part of your brain was saying the opposite; that it was because of what she’s going through that you had to intervene like this.

“Hey, wait! What are you doing?!” Alexia protested halfway down the stairs.

“Dragging you to my place, of course.”

“What about my things?”

“You have clothes there. Or, you can just wear my stuff.”

“But we have training!”

“It’s only a light session tomorrow.” 

“But—”

“Alexia.” 

You fixed a stern eye at her over your shoulder and she opened her mouth, as if to say something, before she shut it, sighing in defeat.

The both of you just made it down the stairs to see the front door swing open. Eli entered first, Alba trailing in after. At the sight of her family, Alexia strode to where they were to greet them; she kissed Eli on her temple, and Alba on top of her head.

“How’s Papá?”

Eli gave her daughter a small smile, but the skin around her eyes remained taut, weighed down by something inexplicably heavy. 

“He’s stable, love. The same as when you saw him this morning.” Eli’s gaze flicked to you. “Are you girls heading out?”

You nodded.

“I’ll be stealing away Alexia for the night. Is that okay?”

Eli smiled at you, “Of course.”

“We made some food for dinner. They’re on the stove top.”

“Oh, thank you, my girls.” Eli said, hugging you goodbye after you’d put on your shoes. Then she whispered in your ear, “Thank you.”

In response, you only hugged her tighter. Without meaning to, your eyes fleeted over to Alexia who was having a hushed conversation with Alba. By the end of it, Alexia embraced her little sister, placing another kiss atop her head only this time, Alexia’s brows were deeply creased. 

When you pulled away, you said, squeezing Eli’s hands. “Get some rest, Má. I’ll bring her back first thing after practice tomorrow.” 

And with that, you and Alexia headed out. 

The transit to your place was punctuated with a vacuous silence. Alexia sat beside you, less than an arm’s reach away, but her eyes were trained at somewhere far on the horizon; and she, even farther. But you let her be, there was plenty of time to talk later after all. 

By the time you got home, the lights were already off save for the small night light in the hallway so the both of you climbed the stairs on your toes, making sure to avoid that one creaky spot by the corner.

“You can clean up here, I’ll use the other shower. “ You said, jutting your chin to the direction of the shower. 

Alexia only nodded.

When you returned to your room, the bathroom was empty, a fresh glass of water stood by your night stand, and Alexia was nowhere to be seen. You were just about to head downstairs when she padded into your room with a towel draped over her head and a damp spot from her hair on a shirt you recognised to be yours. 

She must’ve seen the question in your eyes because she muttered, “Double-checked the door lock.”

You hummed as she walked past you, back into the bathroom, and you heard the tap run. 

“Thanks for the water,” you said while taking a sip from the glass she put there.

A sound of recognition came from Alexia.

When Alexia finally finished her business in the bathroom, hair slightly ruffled and almost dry, you were already settled in bed, the sheets on her side pulled off in silent invitation. But Alexia remained standing there, by the golden cast of your night lamp, looking a bit lost for reasons you understood.

Softly, you coaxed, “Hey.”

Alexia’s eyes flicked to you and your heart ached at the sight of them so dulled and weary. It took her another moment but she finally slid in next to you, the warmth of her finally arriving home and seeping into your bones. When her feet brushed over your legs as she shifted beside you, you joked with a hushed giggle to lighten the mood, “Get your cold feet away from me.” 

It worked because her lips quirked up slightly, eyes rolling in jest, but not a second later, her eyes dimmed again, and she looked away. You propped yourself up on your elbow to see her clearly but she refused to meet your eyes. Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, you whispered, the words cracking under the weight of your emotion.

“Ale, talk to me.”

Silence.

A breath.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” came the hoarse reply.

Breathing deeply, you buried your fingers in her hair to try and soothe her. And again, you spoke in whispers. 

“You know, it’s okay to grieve about it, to be angry about it. You don’t have to be strong all the time, Alexia.”

Her eyes flashed with something red then and she growled.

“And what will grieving get me? The way through is forward and only forward. Do you think the world will stop to give you enough time to grieve? To be angry?”

She continued, each word exhaled with urgency. 

“No. The moment you stop, you will be left behind. And I can’t stop. Not now. Especially not now.”

“Having a moment for yourself isn’t stopping. You can’t expect yourself to go on like this forever. Sometimes, you have to do what’s good for yourself, Alexia.”

A scoff.

“It doesn’t matter what’s good for me. What I need is to get back to Barça. Then, and only then, will I feel at ease.”

“At the expense of what, then? Killing your passion for the sport by making it your duty?”

Alexia startled you when she ripped herself away from you, sitting up so abruptly that the headboard banged against the wall. And when she glared down at you, you found a look in her eyes similar to that of a desperate animal’s; a look where the distinction between fear and anger blurred into something wild. 

Then, through her teeth, she hissed in a low voice.

“It is my duty! It always has been. Don’t you see? It has always been more than a sport to me. It’s not the same for you and I don’t expect you to understand because you—”

She stopped herself, facing forward in an instant, pinching the bridge of her nose as she setted her arms over her folded knees. 

Slowly, you rose, and only the sound of sheets settling around your waist filled the air. This momentary reprieve was mainly for Alexia’s sake—she was overwhelmed, that was clear to see—but maybe you needed a moment yourself because what she said hurt you. Still, you soldiered on because this was for Alexia. 

She tensed upon your touch, her muscles rippled beneath your palm as you dragged it from the small of her back, tracing the contours of her spine to the nape of her neck, but by the time your hand finally settled on her opposite shoulder, some of the tension had melted away.

“No, you’re right, I don’t understand,” you began, voice strained. “I don’t understand why you’re so adamant in destroying yourself. This—this shutting your family out with what’s happening with you. Your mother is worried sick. She’s asking about how you are, Alexia, do you know that? Your own mother!” 

Alexia released a weary sigh and then said in an even wearier tone.

“She has no need to worry.”

You almost scoffed at that, but stopped yourself although you couldn’t help the severity that bled into your next words.

“How could she not when you’re working yourself to the bone? Tell me, how do you expect us not to worry?” 

Silence. Then the murmur of folding fabric when Alexia curled into herself, head buried in the arms folded over her knees. In that cavern of her own making, a ragged breath echoed, followed by the shuddering of muscles. You ached at the state of her, and there was a lump in your throat that you couldn’t swallow. 

And barely above a whisper, you breathed, “You cannot carry the whole weight of the world by yourself. You’re not Atlas, Alexia. Let your family in.”

“Ale,” you tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. Red eyes peered from the darkness of her arms and it broke you, but you had to plead, “Talk to me. Please…”

“I–I’m scared,” she choked out finally. “He’s getting worse. It’s the second attack this month and I—”

Her fingers dug into her arms when she tightened her grip.

“I thought winning the Copa de la Reina last year would give us enough exposure but it wasn’t enough. So, I wanted to do it again this season to prove that we belong in Barça but instead, we lost to them.” A ragged breath. “And now we’re going to Levante. I just–”

She looked up at you, lips quivering with a whimper, “I just want us to go home.”

“Oh, Alexia.” 

Without saying another word, you put your arms around her, forehead pressed close against her ear and the hitch in her breathing resounded loud and clear.

“It’s frustrating, isn’t it, how far we seem from getting back?” Alexia’s back tensed in answer but you only hugged tighter. “But that’s not true at all.”

You felt Alexia lift her head and you moved away just enough to see how she eyed you with confusion. You gave her a small smile as you grazed your knuckles over her tear-stained cheek.

“On top of your club activities, your national performance has been nothing short of exemplary. Those matter. And with all the articles they’ve been writing about you, it’s only a matter of time now.” Brightening your tone a little, you added with a playful smile, “you probably won’t finish your season with Levante before Barça gets their hands on you.”

A corner of her lips lifted up upon your remark so you pushed on.

“I know it’s not the same as being in Barça, but what you’ve achieved so far has got to count for something, Alexia. Your father… he’s so, so proud of you.” Your tone shifted, now firm. “And I doubt he’d be happy to know that his daughter is pushing her body past the point of injury to get into Barça. You know your mother and sister have been covering your ass, right? Uh-huh, yeah, I thought so.”

“You need to let yourself breathe,” you kissed her temple, then her shoulder. When your eyes met again, you found a soft look in hers that reminded you of when you were younger. Smoothing her hair again, you asked, “Can you do that, Alexia? Not for us, but for yourself?”

Alexia regarded you for a long, silent moment. Then she closed her eyes, opened them a breath later, and nodded, her lips curling up to a sincere smile. In response, you couldn’t help but grin back at her.

Sensing that her mood had elevated, you placed one last kiss on her temple before you reached over her, towards the lamp to turn it off, leaving your room illuminated by the blue glow of the moon. Alexia needed no guidance to rest her head against your chest and immediately, you wrapped your arms around her. She sighed deep in the crook of your neck and you were filled with a sense of belonging—of wholeness.

Your eyes fluttered shut to the rhythm of  Alexia’s heartbeat pressed against your side.

“I’m sorry”, came the whisper.

“What for?”

“I shouldn’t have said what I did, about you not understanding. That was wrong, and I know all of this means everything to you like the way it means everything to me.”

“I appreciate that, Alexia. Don’t worry about it.” 

“And I’m sorry for—”

“Ale,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss on her crown, “you don’t have to apologise for anything.”

A pause before a deep exhale heated up your neck.

“Thank you, then.”

You hummed, already halfway to dreaming. And with one last reassuring squeeze at her hip, you found yourself murmuring, “I got you. Good night, Ale.”

“Good night,” Alexia said with a kiss to your neck and you slept with a smile on your lips.

[4]

“Alexia! Can you please—Shit!” 

It was too late. 

The box on top of the one you were carrying slid and fell, and all you could do was cringe as it spilled all of your toiletries by the front door. 

“Oops, sorry.”

You turned to Alexia with a glare of slight annoyance, but when you saw her sheepish expression, with the corners of her mouth pulled down and an eye twisted to a flinch, you let it go. With a roll of your eyes and a slight shake of your head, you signaled for her to proceed ahead as you held the door open with your weight. Once inside, she settled her boxes down on the tiled floor, letting out a small grunt as she did so, before she took yours. 

You’d just finished picking up the toiletries when Alexia asked, “That’s the last of it, yes?”

Turning to face her, you saw her wipe the sweat off her temples before settling her hands on her hips. She scanned the would-be living room occupied by some stacks of boxes. Apart from the couch and mattresses, almost everything else needed to be unpacked and organised.

You placed the toiletries on the nearest counter and made a beeline for the couch. On your way, you patted her back and replied. 

“Yep. Just let me take five, and then we can open ‘em up.”

You face-planted on the couch with a groan, which then turned to a sigh not a second later. Those boxes took more from you than you’d anticipated, making the stiffness of the couch feel as soft as clouds to your bones. 

The strain from your eyes began to dissipate the moment your eyes fluttered shut, and you could feel the peace that awaited you in that velvet darkness when you were ripped back to wakefulness the moment a warm, crushing weight pressed onto your spine. 

Alexia had taken it upon herself to drape herself over you like you were the couch itself. 

“What—Alexia!” You yelped, “Get off me!” 

But of course, she did the exact opposite.

“Why? I was just getting comfortable,” Alexia deadpanned. 

She shifted on your back and she at least had the decency to prevent her elbows from digging into your back as she did. The next thing you knew, her front followed the curve of your back, blanketing you in her warmth, while her arms wrapped loosely around your waist.

Your heart thundered in your chest and you tried not to think too hard about it so you snorted out, “I hope you’re comfortable.”

“Since you asked, yes. I very much am, thank you.” 

“You’re so annoying.” 

“I carried those boxes for you.” 

“You didn’t have to if you didn’t make me drop the toiletries.”

“I told you to tape up the box, but you didn’t listen to me, so whose fault is it exactly?”

You rolled your eyes. She was right, but you weren’t about to tell her that. 

“You’re impossible.”

“Impossibly right, yes.”

See? You didn’t have to tell her. 

You scoffed, “Why do I even put up with you?”

“Because you love me,” Alexia said in a matter-of-fact tone that made your heart jump. “Now shush. Let’s nap for a bit and then unpack.”

Alexia yawned, snuggling closer into you. If she heard the way your heart pounded, she didn’t comment on it. As you drifted into a warm slumber, there was weight that pressed against your chest—a realization of some sort—but about what, you didn’t know. 

Only after you woke to find Alexia had unpacked the boxes containing essential items and ordered a bag-full of takeaways; only after the both of you finished dining on paper plates, crossed-legged on the tiled, living room floor, laughing with your mouths full when Alexia made a mess of her food because of her inability to use chopsticks; only after Alexia found her Polaroid camera and took photos of the two of you, her arm slung casually over your shoulder, her lips pressed against your cheek. Then, and only then, did you recognise what that weight was for what it was. 

You knew then: you were utterly and irrevocably gone.

You were in love.

And you could only pray that the heat from your cheeks wouldn’t sell you out. 

[5]

With all the changes that came with moving shelters and clubs, there was no time to think about home. Between getting used to your new club schedules, being acquainted with your new coaches and teammates, and familiarising yourself with the local area, your mind had no energy left to ruminate by the end of the day. And the difference between staying over at Alexia’s—or vice versa—for a few nights and living under the same roof together for the foreseeable future became increasingly obvious as you settled in your apartment in Buñol. 

It was all new but the both of you managed and even somehow established a sort of routine. While you did most of the cooking and half of the cleaning, Alexia did the groceries and, thanks to her natural affinity for the sun—her words, not yours—she insisted on doing the laundry. You teased her about it but more often than not, her weather predictions proved accurate to the forecast, saving the both of you the trouble of dealing with damp clothes. 

But as routine fell into place, so did the yearning for home.

The thing about missing home was that it brought on a different kind of longing. It was the kind that burrowed deep, the kind that dug a gaping hole in your chest and left you at a loss for how to fill it. It provoked the desire to turn back the hands of time, live in a memory, and step back into a moment already gone by. 

Yes, there was a sense of freedom that came with living apart from your family, and sure the distance between Buñol and Mollet was only a three-hour drive or a five-hour train ride away. All of those things are true, but you’d be lying if you said being away from home didn’t feel heavy. 

No more was the comforting presence of your parents at hand nor the jovial company of Alexia’s family nearby; it was just you and Alexia.

And the world never felt bigger than it was now. 

You were lucky, though, to have Alexia with you. She was a piece of home that you took with you, and just having her by your side helped ease the ache somehow. But you have to admit, living with her brought on a different kind of pain. 

Ever since you realized just how deep your feelings for her ran, being around her had only gotten more difficult. Everything and everywhere reminded you of her, and everything she did would send a jolt to your heart that left you breathless. Something as simple as her running her fingers through her hair, or a small smile; a brush against your cheek, a hand against the small of your back—you were sure you were this close to going mad.

The intensity and frequency of these… stutters had only seemed to increase by the day, and frankly, it was beginning to scare you. That, and the questions that had been nagging you lately.

What would Alexia do if she found out that you liked her way more than a friend should? That you liked women? Could Alexia like women? She probably didn’t. She would hate you for this, wouldn’t she? What about your parents? How would you even go about telling them? Would they still love you? What if—

The sound of the key being slotted into the lock, followed by the opening and closing of the door cut your thoughts short. And then came a soft sound, barely audible.

“Alexia?” 

You called out but there was no response so you padded over to the living room. Just before the end of the corridor a small movement caught your eye. You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped your lips even if you tried.

“What—”

The kitten mewled softly again, rubbing itself against the beige tone of the walls as it took you in with those large, yellow eyes. Its coat looked bright and pristine, nearly as white as the petals of the tree heath flowers that bloomed at home in spring. The same flowers that filled the garden of your home with their sweetness. 

“Hey, there. How did you get in here?” You cooed, crouching slowly, before you reached out your hand towards the kitten. It took a cautious step back but you waited patiently, keeping your hand where it was. A moment later, it seemed to have found the courage, stepping forward tentatively to sniff at your finger, before it licked your knuckle. Then it ducked down, nuzzling its head against your palm, its eyes closing from the contact. 

Warmth flooded your chest and you whispered, “Oh, you’re so adorable!”

“She’s yours.”

Your eyes flicked up to find Alexia leaning her weight against the wall, her arms crossed, head tilted slightly to the side; her eyes lidded with something you couldn’t quite recognise but you felt their warmth. The soft smile on her lips made her face look radiant and beneath her gaze, you couldn’t help the heat that rushed to your cheeks.

As an excuse to hide your face, you dipped down your chin to pick the kitten who only yawned in response. 

“Mine?” You asked as you stood up and walked over to where Alexia was, stopping just an arm’s length away.

Alexia only hummed in agreement, her smile still as soft as ever.

At that, you reached and draped your free arm around her neck, whispering against her ear, “Thank you.”

She moved, finally, wrapping her arms around your waist to pull you closer.

“You’re welcome.” Her words, murmured though as they were, curled through the smile you knew she still wore and made their home in your heart. 

“What are you going to name her?” Alexia asked.

“Nona.”

“Nona?”

You hummed in confirmation. You pulled away just enough to make space to look at Nona, and you tried hard not to focus too much on how Alexia had settled her hands on your hips. 

“Mamá, Papá, me” you began, putting up a digit on your free hand as you listed each one, “You, Alba, Eli, Jaume, Guille…”

“And Nona,” Alexia finished for you, smiling down at Nona. Alexia met your eyes again.

“Your family of nine?”

“Mine,” you nodded, “And yours, too.” 

Alexia beamed down at you but then she scrunched her nose. 

“Does Guille need to be there?”

“Alexia!” 

[6]

It was raining when Alexia told you.

On a damp Monday night, a few months following your move to Levante—after the both of you found an apartment in Buñol, and after that fateful day of realisation—she said something that changed everything. 

Throughout the day, you couldn’t help but notice how strange Alexia was behaving. She’d twisted and fiddled with the hem of her jersey during today’s practice enough that she’d torn a hole through one spot. She’d twirled that loose lock of her hair so many times that you’d already lost count, and on the drive home, more than once, sped through a yellow sign. Even now, she was silent beside you as she helped cook the meal for you two tonight when usually, she would have gone over what happened at practice twice at this point. 

And at the rate she was going, she’d end up gnawing off the skin of her lower lip. 

“Why don’t you go ahead and clean up first?” You said as casually as you could, taking both of your plates off the table and moving towards the sink.

Alexia eyed you. 

“Is everything alright?” She asked. You caught a sight of her over your shoulder, sitting up, more alert than a second ago. 

“No, nothing. Why do you ask that?”

A pregnant pause.

“Because you normally let me help with the dishes.”

You shrugged, turning back to the sink. “Seriously, Alexia. It’s nothing. You just look tired. Now go so I can shower. We can put on AHS after.”

Another pause and then finally, you heard the scrape of her chair against the tiles.

“Alright,” she mumbled before her footsteps receded.

Much later, when you’d finished cleaning up and showered, the two of you wounded up on the couch, wrapped in each other with an episode of American Horror Story playing in the background. Alexia’s head was tucked in the crook of your neck while you played with a loose lock of her hair when you finally asked her.

“Are you ready to tell me what you’ve been worrying about all day, or should I keep pretending that I haven’t noticed?” 

You kept your tone light, almost teasing, because you had a feeling that whatever Alexia was about to say had weight to it. And surely enough, as soon as the question had left your mouth did Alexia stiffen against you and her breathing stilled. It took her another moment to pull away, untangling herself from you, before she reclined against the couch. 

Without so much as looking at you, she countered, “Could you hate me?”

The question jarred you and you couldn’t help but frown in confusion. What kind of question was that? You looked at her—searching for answers as to why she would ask such a thing—but Alexia kept her eyes fixed to the TV while the flashing images made shadows play on the smooth neutrality of her forehead and cheeks. You found no answer, so you replied truthfully. 

“No. Disappointed maybe, but hate? I can’t think of anything that would make me hate you.”

At that, her shoulders curled forward, arms crossing over her chest, and her chin dipped down so low it almost looked uncomfortable. 

She said softly, “Just think about it.”

Silence settled—heavily. 

You gnawed your lip, turning over everything in your head, as you tried desperately to come up with something. But nothing.

“Honestly, Alexia, unless you killed someone, I really can’t think of anything else.”

“I—” Alexia started but a choke cut off the rest of it. 

The sound came out so suddenly that it seemed to reverberate, bouncing off the walls and resounded loud in your ears. You sat up, alert, fully facing Alexia who now had her hands over her face, shielding her eyes from your view. She drew in a breath, and what she released was something shaky. 

You’d never seen her like this before, and you’d faced more than a handful of adversities together. What could possibly be making her hurt like this? Your gut twisted at the sight of her and you were filled with an overwhelming urge to take her in your arms. Instead, you settled for a light touch to her knee.

“Alexia,” you began softly, “What is it?”

Under the shield of her hand, you saw her lips quiver. Then a tear ran down her chin.

You ached at the sight but you remained silent.

“I’m—” Her lips twisted to a grimace. “I—I don’t know how it happened I just—”

Another pause.

“I like women.”

For a moment, the air stilled; almost like a vacuum had swallowed up all sounds. And then something swelled: blood rushed into your ears, and, as if life had broken a shell, a flood washed over you, filling each and every bone; and it felt a lot like hope. 

The raw sob that escaped Alexia’s throat broke you from your epiphany. She must’ve misunderstood your silence because now, she’d curled even further into herself, palms digging into her sockets. You shook yourself, mentally scolding yourself for getting distracted, before you moved closer to her.

“Oh, Alexia.” She flinched away when she felt your arms around her but you only clung tighter. “Thank you, Alexia, for trusting me with this. I want you to know that you don’t have to hide from me, that this doesn’t change anything no matter how that voice in your head might tell you otherwise. You’re still Alexia, and I—I love you all the same. I don’t hate you, I promise, and I won’t. I’ll always be here.”

When you whispered those words into her ear, she finally sagged into your embrace, turning her head so it rested, again, in the crook of your neck where she released a sob. This time, it sounded more from relief than from grief. 

There, on the couch, you held her until she fell asleep. 

“You know,” you whispered in the dark, tucking a lock of Alexia’s hair behind her ear long after she’d fallen asleep. Alexia didn’t stir, and you continued to no one in particular, “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

And there with your whole world in your arms, you finally allowed yourself the luxury to hope.

[7]

When you were seven, just a few months before you met Alexia, an idea dawned on you. Sick and tired of the kid’s pool, with its small and, if you were being honest, slightly unkempt water, the large one next door offered freedom—a tantalizing concept for a child. You stood at one end of that pool and found a face of determination reflected back at you. You were going to do it; you would swim across the length of the pool and make it to the other side. 

And then, you jumped in.

It took about a minute or two before your muscles started burning, hardening to a cramp with every stroke, and yet the other side didn’t look any closer. That was when it sank in; the pool was far too large. There was a brief moment when you gasped for air and remembered to swim towards the nearest edge, just like your father taught you, but by that point it was already too late.

Water rushed into your nose and mouth, bringing stinging hopelessness in their wake, clogging your throat with a muffling silence that stifled your scream.

Your father barely caught you in time.

Yes, you remembered all too well that burn in your lungs. 

If that pool was a frozen lake, what would drowning feel like? 

In Barcelona, the lakes never froze in winter. Even the westerly winds that brought the Atlantic squalls slithering under each door in the city in cold February weren’t enough to make the chill settle in. The only time your bones truly felt the bitter meaning of winter was when you’d gone to Norway to attend a relative’s funeral, and the occasion did nothing to lessen the cold. It was also the first time you’d ever stepped foot on ice, and the fear that lanced through you at the sound of the first crack—seemingly almost like a thunder out of the blue—left you rooted to the spot, fearful that a breath could put you under.

Waiting for death felt just like that; like walking on a slate of ice. 

And the aftermath? 

A drowning of a different kind.

Every phone call was a step on that thin slate of ice; every step a space closer to certainty, each one a crack on that fragile surface, another moment closer to a falling in. The thing was, death was as true as the ice giving way but no matter how inevitable the end may be, or how slow the unfurling of that mortal coil may seem, the force of the fall was no less devastating. The ice would shatter and there would be a split-second when you’d feel suspended, held by a single thread of hope for one last miracle—the only miracle that mattered—but there was no saving you from the freezing waters. 

And nobody ever told you about how quickly you would sink under; about how the cold would bite their way down to the bones while your blood sang that familiar rhythm of life, a bitter reminder of the clear division between past and present—the antecedent and the aftermath; and just how painful it would be to be stuck in-between remembering what once was and what could have been.

In that space, in that frigid depth, no amount of screaming nor air could prevent you from drowning. Without the arms of a father to save you, how could you not drown?

And the worst part?

There was no bottom to grief; you either float or sink in that frozen lake.

And Alexia sank. 

[8]

Days passed, weeks, then months; the world kept turning. Life demanded you to be present and compelled you to move forward like everyone else. And yet still, even after changing everything in its wake, grief lingered as it always did. 

There were still times when you’d catch Alexia turn from every mirror, eyes casted down almost out of fear of what she’d see. How could you look at your reflection when every bit of skin there held the reminders of what you’d lost? Every reminder brought with it a memory, and what were memories if not a mouth full of teeth? It was a mouth that took every opportunity to bare its teeth, to gnaw at that hole in your chest until the edges were raw again—like they never healed to begin with. Again and again, it bit; its teeth, painting themselves red.

But if anything could transcend time itself, it was the resilience of the human spirit. Even if her father was never far from her mind, Alexia pressed forward; now for two hearts instead of one. 

Winter ended finally, and the sun rose again. And when summer arrived, so did the news. 

“Llorens spoke with me today,” Alexia spoke over the running of the tap. You looked at her over your shoulder, she was leaning against the frame of the kitchen door. She said the next part in a tone so soft that you barely caught it.

“He said… They asked me to rejoin Barça.”

Your eyes widened and it only took you a moment before you ran to her, wrapping your arms around Alexia’s neck, while Alexia returned the embrace by putting her arms around your waist. 

“Holy shit, Alexia! That’s amazing!” You practically screamed into her ear. Pulling away to look at her, you found pride shining in her eyes but for reasons you couldn’t quite understand, there was a weight that burdened the corners of her lips. You knew just how much this meant to her, getting back into Barça, and it worried you that she wasn’t celebrating like you’d expected her to.

You asked gently, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

At that, she sighed heavily, tightening her hold around your waist as she did. She gnawed at her lower lip, brows creasing.

“You haven’t heard anything from them?”

“No,” you admitted, ignoring the twinge in your chest. “It doesn’t matter, Alexia. This is your opportunity to go back. When are you due to leave?”

“I—I told them I’d get back to them tomorrow.”

Your eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

“What! Alexia, what’s gotten into you?”

“I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Finally, you recognised what it was that was casting its familiar shadows in her eyes: worry. Although you were grateful that she was, it was completely unnecessary and borderline irrational. She shouldn’t throw away what she worked hard for because you couldn’t perform at the same level, and no way in hell would you let her feel bad for your own inadequacy. 

You took her face into your hands, looking into her eyes as you enunciated each word slowly.

“Alexia, listen to me. You will meet with Llorens first thing tomorrow, and you will put that pen to paper, do you hear me? And then you will leave Levante without me—” when she opened her mouth, as if to protest, you pressed a finger to her lips. “You will leave Levante without me, and you will play for Barça come this season. There are no ‘buts’ here, Alexia. You have to do this. You owe yourself that much.”

Alexia remained quiet but she looked at you with large eyes that made your heart ache the way it always did for her. 

And then, “What about you?”

“I will work twice as hard. And I will meet you there,” you whispered, losing yourself in the depth of her eyes. “I promise.”

Alexia nodded and slowly, a smile made its way onto her lips.

“You better.” She mumbled. Then she added playfully, “Now get your hands off of my face, you’ve made it all wet.”

You flashed her a devilish grin before you wiped one of your hands down her face. 

[9]

It wasn’t until a month after your first game with Barça that you saw Diana again. 

With her line of work, it was no surprise that she was an incredibly busy person. That meant her stays in Barcelona were brief enough that she couldn’t make it to any friendly hangouts the way your other friends’ partners could, only ever having the time for Alexia which was the most important thing. So when Alexia messaged the group chat last night that she and Diana would be lunching with you, Patri, Tori, and Mapi today, everyone received the news with barely hidden enthusiasm. 

And this was how you found yourself sitting at the head of the table with Patri sitting on the other end, Alexia and Diana to your left with Alexia’s arm draped casually over the back of Diana’s chair, while Mapi and Tori sat to your right. As you all waited for your food to arrive, you engaged in a light and friendly conversation. Mapi and Tori were a lethal duo when it came to jokes, almost having all of you keel over from laughter, causing the eyes of the other patrons in the restaurant to flit to your table, and you were sure you saw barely hidden amusement on the face of the waiter that served you. 

Lunch was going well—for your part especially—with all things considered. So you took this time to appreciate Alexia and Diana together just like this because you never got the chance to. And it was clear that the both of them made quite the pair; so beautiful that they almost looked untouchable. They kept their displays of affection sparse and yet the smallest of gestures held a thousand words. In Diana’s presence, Alexia seemed so happy and she had an air about her so light she was almost like the sun. 

You couldn’t help it, you smiled at the sight. Seeing Alexia like this was enough for you, and you knew this. She deserved this. If only Patri could stop eyeing you with worry, you could keep pretending that twinge in your chest didn’t exist. 

Everything was going well, but the universe—as it seemed to become accustomed to lately—was adamant to prove you wrong. Or, maybe you should’ve just crushed your feelings under foot once and for all. It was when the food arrived that things took a turn for the worse. 

When the last dish was delivered by the waiter, Tori, Patri, and Diana fell in a conversation. Mapi, you spied, was not so subtly texting someone beneath the table—Ingrid, you guessed, by the way her eyes shone and her nose crinkled in delight. Alexia on the other hand was left to fend for herself… against her food. 

After all this time, Alexia still couldn’t eat properly with chopsticks. It was definitely the bulkness of her hands that made her clumsy with the delicate tools; you’d told her as much before. You bit your tongue before you could tell her that again. Instead, you teased her.

“Are you playing with your food?”

Alexia glared at you but still, color rose to her cheeks as she grumbled. 

“Shut up. You know using these things is difficult for me.”

“Stop sulking. Besides, I already taught you before.” You rolled your eyes. Then you instructed, “Open your palm.”

She pouted but she did what you asked anyway.

“Your hands are too big so you have to hold them at the very end. Let the bottom one rest in the crook of your thumb, yes, that’s it. And hold the top like you’re writing with a pen. Loosen up a bit, you’re too tense.”

You adjusted the placement of the chopsticks slightly, “Just close your thumb over the sticks and move your—That’s it! You got it, you got it.”

With a triumphant smile, Alexia finally succeeded at her attempt to pick up her food. And when her smile curled over the food she put in her mouth, a warmth flooded the cavity of your chest. The sparkle in her eyes just then somehow made you feel like a teenager again. 

You didn’t know what it was that drew your attention to her, but your gaze flitted over to Diana. You weren’t sure what you expected; maybe that she was still talking with Patri or Tori… only she wasn’t. She was staring at you with a face set in a stoicism so neutral—her lips drawn to a careful line—that you had this unsettling feeling that she was everything but impassive. Her eyes betrayed her the most: they were sharp, barely narrowed, and there was an attentiveness in them that made you feel transparent—exposed—as if she could see right through you; as if she’d found something. 

A chill ran through you, and you shuddered internally.

Quickly, you averted your eyes back down to your meal. Developing an excessive interest in your food, you receded into yourself and tried to school your face to what you hope was impartial nonchalance. A little later when you finally felt brave enough to chance a look at Diana, you saw her talking to Patri and Tori again, laughing and smiling as if the moment between the two of you never happened.

You relaxed and you found breathing easy again. 

Maybe you were just being paranoid.

But really, you should’ve known better.

[10]

Time, with its infamous predisposition to fly, had snuck up on you. 

A blink of an eye found you stepping out of a plane in the middle of August and the next thing you knew, December only had days to breathe. Ending the year at the top of La Liga, together with your clean sheets, was nothing short of a relief. It was a testament to how you’ve integrated yourself with the team so far, but you knew enough that this shouldn’t call for complacency. In fact, it demanded the opposite; you needed to work harder especially with the match against Lyon looming closer in the horizon. 

For now though, rest was due. 

Most of your teammates had either flown themselves home or somewhere far warmer than Barcelona’s dropping temperature. For those who stayed, like you, you needed to find a way to amuse yourselves without freezing. Tonight, it seemed that the club was the unanimous choice: what better way to stay warm and have fun than to get drunk and dance? 

That was how you found yourself under flashing lights nursing your own glass while you watched the rest of your team get their freaks on from the bar. You knew Patri was already four shots down—you all had only been here an hour; Mapi and Ingrid were getting a little too cozy in a secluded corner, which you couldn’t fault them for since it was Ingrid’s last day in the city before she had to go home; Alexia had vanished with Diana to do who knew what, while Aitana and Ona were losing it on the dance floor. 

Aitana and Ona spotted you hanging out at the bar so they began to wave you over with enthusiasm. You shook your head at the display, smiling, and made to move off the counter you were leaning on when a tap on your shoulder caught your attention. But before you could turn to see who it was, a familiar voice pierced through the music. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Standing behind you was a woman; the stewardess that ushered you off your plane. Out of her work clothes and the dull setting of a plane, her beauty shone through untarnished. Gone was the sleek hairdo and instead, she’d opted to leave her hair down. Her short hair barely grazed her collarbones, you noted, and as you traced their outline, you found the piercing in her sternum glinting in silent invitation. She was wearing a simple black dress that revealed just enough of her chest to entice, the thin fabric of it accentuating the curves of her waist, and it stopped just halfway down the length of her thighs to reveal the intricate lines of floral tattoos on her side. 

Finally catching yourself, you tore your eyes away and found her gaze. What you found reflected in them was amusement and you tried to stop your cheeks from burning. 

As casually as you could, you said, “Oh, hey, it’s you. I… actually never caught your name.”

“Micah,” she replied, extending out a hand. You took it as you told her yours. She leaned on the bar, waved the bartender over who gave her the drink she asked for, and took a sip. Then she turned back to you. 

“You know, I never expected to see you again. And in a gay club, of all places.”

“Why not a gay club?” You asked with a small laugh.

She shrugged, one corner of her mouth quirking up almost sheepishly.

“I may have searched your name up after I met you. No history of relationships, just multiple pictures of you with the same guy. I thought he’s your boyfriend, so.”

“Is it a guy with curly hair?”

“Yeah.”

At that you let out another small laugh.

“That’s Guille, my best friend. He’s like a brother.”

“Oh.” Micah’s cheeks flushed. 

You gave her a grin, “Yeah. But just to clarify, I am, in fact, into women. Exclusively.”

As if a switch has been flipped, Micah’s demeanour shifted, eyes now smouldering. The change affected you in ways you didn’t anticipate and with your slight height over her, it became difficult to keep your eyes where they should be, especially when the silver glint of her piercing tempted your eyes downwards. But just as the alcohol had thinned your blood, your self-control frayed all the same; your eyes roamed down to her cleavage which you admired briefly, before you met her gaze again.

That seemed to be the signal Micah was looking for because she stepped into your space, her drink now sitting forgotten on the counter. She dragged her fingers up your arm, all the way to your exposed collarbone where she traced the skin there while she watched you with dark eyes, her plump lip between her teeth. 

You shivered; she was so close now that the heat of her body washed over you. 

“Really? Prove it, then.” Micah whispered, ghosting her lips over yours.

You leaned forward when she pulled back slightly, as if magnetized to her lips. Then you asked, “How?”

“Dance with me.”

She dragged you to the dancefloor and you let yourself be swept away in the sea of bodies moving to the same rhythm. And then the both of you danced, her body against yours, your hands tracing her outlines as you pulled her closer as she did the same to you. 

Time blurred into a singularity after that but it existed again when, at one point, Micah took your cheek into her palm to pull you down for a kiss. Her lips were searing hot when they branded yours that you couldn’t help but gasp and moan into them, a sound which Micah gladly swallowed. 

It had been a while since you’d been touched and you didn’t realise just how much you missed it: the skim of skin over skin, the languidness of your blood turning to molten rush; how you missed the deprivation of air from your lungs and the delicious ache that came with it. And how you missed touching another. Your hands sought the exposed skin of her back, relishing the softness beneath your palms as you settled them there, respectfully just above her ass, to pull her in, flushed to your body.

She sighed and she looped her arms around your neck; deeper, hotter.

And in the heat, you lost yourself. 

You couldn’t remember how the both of you made it to your apartment, only that she ended up on top of you, head between your legs as you gasped out her name in the dark. And when she braced herself against her elbow, her other hand working you over the edge once more, you couldn’t help but note how beautiful she was with her curtain of brown hair, her lips slightly parted, eyes shining in the dark.

And when you came on her fingers with her lips on yours, you had a nagging feeling that this felt a lot like when you were nineteen. 

[11]

Clutching your head, you tried to soothe the remnants of your hangover as you headed over the door. You squinted at the light that shone through when you opened it and when the blob in front of you assumed a semblance of familiarity, you croaked out a question.

“Alexia? What’re you doing here?”

“Wow, you look like you’ve been hit by a truck.” Alexia teased but when you glared at her, she finally answered your question. She lifted her hand and that was when you noticed what she was holding. “Got your jacket. You left it at the club last night.”

You blinked at her, eyes still squinted, and enunciated each word slowly. “You drove all the way here. To drop off my jacket.”

She nodded.

“And you couldn’t have waited until dinner tonight?”

“Nope. The jacket was of utmost priority, obviously. Second priority, of course, is to check that you haven’t dropped dead yet. Third, to make sure you show up at dinner on time.” Alexia stepped back and gave you a once-over. “And by the looks of it, you need more than just a check up.” 

“Fuck you.” 

At that, her brows only creased as she threw her head back to laugh. 

“Rough morning, huh?” 

“I’m glad you find my hangover amusing.” You grunted, turning to shuffle back into the kitchen to make the coffee you were about to prepare before a clown interrupted you. “Close the door, you’re letting all the heat out.”

“Okay, Grumpy.” Alexia said behind you and you heard the door close. A rustle of fabric, and then, “Go drink some water and maybe then you can actually hold a conversation.”

You rolled your eyes even though she couldn’t see your face. 

“Shut up. I’ve only been awake for an hour.” 

“Sure.” Alexia dragged out her answer like she believed what you just said—she didn’t.

You turned on the coffee machine and pressed the button for a double shot. The sound of whirring filled the air.

“You want some coffee?” You asked, looking at Alexia over your shoulder who you found was not-so-subtly craning her neck to look down the hall. When she saw you looking at her, Alexia flashed you a questioning look.

“Are we alone or… ?” Alexia trailed off but before she could finish the question, you nodded. She walked to the counter and picked an apple from the fruit bowl.

“Oh, okay, good. And no, thanks, I already had a shot before I left home this morning.” 

You returned to your coffee, placing the cup aside so you could prepare the milk. 

Beside you, you heard the running of the tap and then a rustling of clothes followed by a slight thump. From the corner of your eye, you spied Alexia leaning against the counter. 

You just finished pouring the milk into your cup when you heard Alexia hum before the unmistakable bite to the flesh of an apple. Lifting the cup, you took a sip and welcomed the bitterness of caffeine on your tongue. 

“You know,” Alexia started, “you never told me you liked women.”

You froze. 

The lingering euphoria from last night—along with the excitement from Micah’s proposal for a next time when she left early this morning—immediately vanished. There was something about the nonchalant way that Alexia got you; it cut you deep. And the wounds you thought were long healed now bled through their stitches. A dot of coffee stained the white countertop, followed by another, and before your cup slipped from your grip, you put it down and pressed your shaking hands flat on the countertop. 

“What?” Your tone was tame but you were everything but. Pressure rose in your veins because how dared she. How dared she.

“I’m not mad or anything, I’m just surprised that’s all.” Alexia laughed lightly but the sound grated at your ears. 

“Was that a recent development? Did you find that out in the States?” Then she continued with a bit of guilt seeping through her voice. “If you found out before you moved to Angel City, I hope I never made you feel as though you couldn’t share that with me. And if I did, then I’m—”

“Please, don’t insult me, Alexia.”

As if finally detecting the ice in your tone, you saw her head turn towards you from the corner of your eye, but you made no move to look at her. 

 “I’m not insulting you. It’s just–I’m a terrible friend for never seeing the signs and that I couldn’t be there for you.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You scoffed but it sounded more like a choked sob than anything. The world blurred before you and you watched as your tears mixed with the coffee stains on the counter. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Came Alexia’s concerned voice before you heard a rustling of clothes, and then the touch to your shoulder. The reaction of your body was visceral: you stumbled back as you slapped her hand away as if she’d burnt you.

“Don’t touch me!” Heat pricked around the skin where she’d touch you, and you felt as if something was crawling beneath. “Get out.”

“What?”

Finally, you looked her in the eye and the force of the movement made your tears fall. Alexia stood there frozen, mouth agape, eyes wide and brows knotted in horror. You couldn’t care less; looking at her hurt and you wanted her out of your apartment—now. 

“I said leave.”

Alexia ran a frustrated hand through her hair and she pleaded, “Tell me what I did!”

“Get out, Alexia!” 

She opened her mouth, stopped midway, and finally shook her head. With one last look at you, she turned for the door but before she stepped out, she turned back to you. She sighed then said in a small voice.

“I don’t know what happened but I’m sorry anyway. I… I’ll see you tonight.”

With that, the door closed. At the click of the lock, you slid down to the floor; your back against the surface of the cabinets with Alexia’s half-eaten apple by your feet. 

She really did forget, didn’t she? And you were the only one who remembered because between the two of you, it was only you who cared enough to latch onto the memory. She didn’t care, and you doubted she ever did to begin with. Why did you think otherwise? Why?

Your face fell into your hands, and you sobbed. 

Stupid.

You were so fucking stupid. 

[arscorpii]

do you think about how the only two times (episodes 11 and 37) utena took her rose crest ring off (tried versus successfully) were due to the prince(s) of utena's past [touga (she believed him to be the prince from her past) versus akio], and both times, she secured the ring back on her finger due to anthy...

both scenes followed a similar sequence of events; utena was faced with a substantial realisation ⟶ utena tried giving up the pursuit of the princely ideals ⟶ utena shared a heart-to-heart moment with anthy ⟶ utena got herself together and resumed playing the role of a prince for anthy's sake.

in episode 11, touga successfully manipulated utena into believing he's the prince she met when she was younger. utena's aim was to reunite with her prince, and now that she had met "him," he challenged her to a duel. naturally, this would make her feel conflicted and wish she wasn't a part of the dueling game that had put her in this position. as utena tried removing her ring, anthy called out to her. i think it may have been intentional on anthy's part to call utena at that time, to prevent her from removing the rose crest ring and dropping out of the duels without fighting touga (although i don't have any proof to back this up; just a matter of a convenient interference time by anthy). i did ponder why anthy didn't let utena simply drop out of the duels; perhaps it had something to do with honing one's soul sword (touga's in this case [?]), and in a way, anthy wanted to teach utena a lesson/give her a reality check as with the cases of the other duelists in previous episodes.

after a little conversation with anthy, utena was resolute in going through with the duel for anthy's sake. the heart of the conversation was anthy admitting that she wished to have more friends. with the knowledge of later events in the series in mind, upon rewatch, this part could easily be interpreted as anthy's subtle manipulation of utena to ensure she continued participating in the dueling game. in my opinion, anthy was honest here and she used the honesty to manipulate utena, a situation of plausible deniability. i think both facts can be true at the same time. on the other hand, it's also possible that anthy detested the companionship of others and so, she simply lied to utena here to manipulate her. nevertheless, i'd like to think that it's realistic and possible for anthy to both hate and long for some normal human connections despite her loneliness. to me, anthy did have contradicting qualities coexisting within her.

i think it's interesting that she chose anthy over her "prince." i think this may indicate that utena cherished what she had with anthy at the moment more than what she had with her prince in the distant past and what she could have with him should she choose him. perhaps utena didn't dare to risk losing the security the bond with anthy provided her over something uncertain and possibly at odds with her own sense of self.

despite the unconventional ways things had played out, utena had begun to consider anthy her friend, like wakaba. however, what differentiated wakaba and anthy was the role anthy played. i believe performing the role of a prince alongside anthy as her rose bride truly affirmed utena's sense of self because she had molded a large part of her self around the ideals of a prince. this made her friendship with anthy more special than her friendship with wakaba. besides companionship, utena can also be more of herself with anthy compared with wakaba, or any other person.

utena assumed responsibility for protecting anthy, which is reasonable since she's engaged to anthy at the time. she added that she could "turn anthy back into a normal girl" and "wouldn't give her over to others, including her prince," who she surmised to be touga. while i'm sure utena meant well, her intention seemed rather naively misguided at best and patronising at worst. much like others, utena was also somewhat projecting her visions and ideals onto anthy, though utena herself wasn't aware of this yet. utena said all of those lines as she walked towards the phallic-shaped ohtori tower, which could serve as an imagery of how utena's pursuit and aims can easily spiral into her upholding and perpetuating the very system she strived to protect anthy from, a reenactment of the princely persona that had been hurting anthy for a long time.

in episode 37, it began with utena looking over the large window of her and anthy's room. she held the rose crest ring in her hand, and the accurate scenario of young utena and prince dios played in the background. utena echoed the end of prince dios' speech to herself and dropped the ring. the night before, she walked in on anthy and akio. it's possible that learning the true nature of their relationship brought back the correct version of utena's encounter with prince dios. at this point, she may have figured that akio was both prince dios and end of the world.

these parallels have been pointed out by other people before; i think the vague similarities between the two scenes could have reminded utena of the real sequence of events with regard to meeting prince dios; an unravelling of her repressed memories.

utena and anthy spent the episode somewhat avoiding each other, they weren't willing to broach the subject of that late night scene until near the end of the episode.

these three moments were when they gradually opened up to each other and talked about matters of their hearts. the moments of vulnerability reached a climax when anthy attempted suicide, which was stopped by utena, and in turn, led to one of the most vulnerable and honest moments the both of them shared with the other throughout the series.

compared to the moment they shared in episode 11, the post-suicide attempt moment (explored in episode 38) was genuine in that both utena and anthy laid their hearts bare to the other. by this time, utena had gained more perspective and understanding and was able to see and address her wrongs with regard to being complicit in worsening anthy's situation and pain. utena's care for anthy had also grown to be more earnest. her reason for playing the role of a prince was more sincere in episode 37 compared to episode 11. on the other hand, anthy was much more transparent here than in episode 11. she didn't hide her feelings "behind a thin veil" (something akio said in episode 19) or put on a facade. anthy opened her heart to utena, something that utena suggested to anthy in episode 11 so that anthy could make more friends. we could interpret that at this point (episode 37), anthy had accepted utena as someone she could rely on, someone she could turn to, someone who would allow her to be vulnerable: a friend. and of course, anthy had also come to sincerely and truly care for utena.

[rikusahoge]

"But be safe. No reckless stunts."

On Sora and Riku's respective recklessness as showcased in the series, and what it means for their relationship

Under readmore because i am going to talk a lot

As an aside: Im going to be pulling from the Japanese text, though I am not a native speaker or really any kind of speaker, so take what I say with a decent amount of scrutiny. I'm more than willing to be corrected on these conclusions!

One line that has stood out to me in kingdom hearts is the repetition of "no reckless stunts!" and similar phrases. If you examine the original text, three slightly different words have been used to mean "reckless", which I'll include below (pulled definitions from Jisho, mostly)

無謀 (mubou): reckless, foolhardy, rash, ill-advised, mad (scheme)

無茶 (mucha): reckless, absurd, unreasonable, ridiculous

無理 (muri): impossible, unreasonable, unjustifiable

Importantly for what i want to talk about is how "muri" is used in situations where a character wants to express that something is impossible (think of a character giving up all hope due to an insermountable obstacle in front of them, they may mutter something like "muri da...") keep a pin in this, it will matter toward the end.

Also note that each of these words starts with "無" (mu), which usually means nothingness or absence of something. The definition of this kanji isnt super important, it's more important that its presence ties these three phrases together in a really unique way as i hope to demonstrate.

what i propose is that both Sora and Riku are depicted as reckless characters, albeit in different ways. The established pattern I've noticed is that Sora: "mucha" & Riku: "muri". I will tentatively refer to "mucha" as "rash" and "muri" as "impossible" (despite that it does also mean other things in some cases! bare with me it'll make sense)

Dialing back a bit, we have seen countless moments of Sora acting rashly. It is one of his key character traits and it tends to get him in trouble. He has a big heart, and is quick to anger.

Sora's response to loved ones and helpless innocents that have been put in harm's way is to repetitively bash things with his keyblade (and ask questions later).

It's Sora's rashness that allows Org 13 to use him to complete kingdom hearts. The extreme end of his rashness is showcased when he stabs himself to release Kairi from his heart.

Tldr. I think it's pretty well established and easy to argue that Sora is one to leap before he looks.

Now, Riku might be a little harder to sell as reckless, because of how well he tends to hide it. He carries himself as a role model for Sora, and tries to be the responsible friend. But if we look at his patterns of behavior, despite how he carries himself, he is quite reckless!

Without thinking of the consequences, he rushes the open door when destiny islands falls to darkness, eventually succumbing to it himself. He lashes out several times at Sora, particularly dangerously when he fires off a dark firaga in Hollow Bastion. He closes the door to darkness with Sora without knowing what would happen to him if he was trapped in the realm of darkness. When Sora is asleep, he sacrifices his form to defeat Roxas, without any assurance that he would ever be able to get his old form back.

We see Riku's recklessness too in the fight against Xemnas. He recklessly throws himself in front of Xemnas twice, hurling Sora away from danger and taking a very nasty blow to the hip. I'd count his dive to save Sora in DDD among these, mostly due to his risk taking behavior when it comes to saving Sora. Finally of course we see it in KH3, with his ultimate sacrifice. (but i think importantly, this scene isn't just recklessness, but I'll explain in a bit)

So tldr. Despite Riku's mask of level headedness and resolve, he has been shown over and over to take massive risks without caring for the consequences. Which is pretty reckless, in my opinion!

Sora and Riku's recklessness, mind you, is also called into question by Yen Sid, who tells Riku the reason he kept Aqua's fate a secret was to keep Riku and Sora from staging a "half-baked attempt at rescue"

He says similar in Japanese, but i want to just note the word he uses when he describes the rescue attempt as reckless (highlighted for ur convenience):

(the highlighted word here is "mubou", it will come back later in an Important way, so keep it in mind)

he's *basically* saying that if Riku, or worse, Sora, knew about Aqua, they would have recklessly marched into the realm of darkness to rescue her. Because he knows they are both ... Like that.

I would be remiss to not mention that Sora's impulsivity and recklessness is something Riku admires! After Yen Sid tells riku not to be rash, and Riku excitedly tells Mickey he's ready to help save Aqua, Kairi observes that Riku has changed, and he's more like Sora. Riku asks if that's a compliment, but I think it's clear that he feels it is. He says it's more Fun to just follow his heart, which is sora-esque. (;_;) This is also something he brings up to Sora when they're on the dark margin together, that he's jealous of how Sora can just follow his heart. It's clear Riku has started to embrace his more impulsive side, to follow his heart like sora does. This is important later!

So now that I have my premise Mostly set up, I'd like to highlight a handful of scenes that I thought were really telling about how Sora and Riku relate to the terms "mucha" and "muri", respectively.

Let's start with Sora and "mucha".

The first instance i have found "mucha" used is in Olympus Colliseum.

lets recall How Herc initially loses his power in KH2, and compare it to the movie.

In KH2, Herc is tricked into leaving the colliseum unguarded by capturing Meg and hiding her in the underworld so that Herc and Sora must go to her rescue. Hades sends a hydra in to destroy the colliseum while Sora and Herc are busy fighting heartless and Pete and rescuing Meg.

Upon seeing the destruction in the colliseum, Herc falls to his knees, and you can visibly see his colors fade to a more ashen complexion, similar to his appearance without his powers in the movie. He calls himself a piece of shit basically and Meg helps him up to limp to safety, leaving Sora to defeat the Hydra (ahem sora helping riku walk in twtnw after xemnas fight anyone)

(Herc even has a second journal entry for his Desaturared form.)

You leave the world after defeating the hydra and jumping up on its back a few times, and after sora d & g are named true heros. Yay. But Herc doesn't have his power back yet, which will later be addressed in the second episode.

Herc's loss of power is much different from the movie. In the movie, he agrees to let Hades take his strength for a day in order to keep Meg from harm, and release her from the contract she had entered with Hades (iirc). This was all so Herc wouldn't get the chance to save Olympus from the titans that Hades revives in order to take Zeus' throne for himself.

Herc still tries to wonderboy his way into rescuing the town, and fights a giant cyclops. While he lacks physical strength and gets pretty much Pummeled, he ends up beating the cyclops with his wit - but in doing so, a pillar is knocked over. It is about to crush Herc, but Meg pushes him out of the way, and is crushed to death.

She gives her life to save him, which in turn returns strength to Herc, because the contract was only good if Meg remained unharmed.

What I'm mostly trying to say here on this tangent is Herc's loss of power in KH2 specifically is very reminiscent of Sora losing his keyblade in Hollow Bastion, which is later echoed in the keyblade graveyard when he feels he loses his strength to fight after losing his friends. I bring up the movie to show how bizarrely different it is from the Kh2 plot, perhaps precisely to make the parallel between Sora and Herc stronger (and the parallel between Herc and Riku, by the way - Herc falling to his knees, losing his power, and giving up, only for Meg to walk him to safety, is a parallel to Riku losing his will to fight and press on after the battle with Xemnas - Sora refuses to let him and in the same Exact way he helps Riku walk on)

So Hercules, when faced with the impossible wavers, and loses his strength and will to fight. This is important so keep it in mind. Impossible/Muri isn't stated here as far as i know, but it's important that he is feeling utterly defeated and unable to win.

The second visit to the world is when we first see the term "mucha"/reckless used as far as I was able to find. Hades casts Meg into the Soul Hole and Herc dives in to save her without hesitating (mechanically to write Herc out of the boss fight, but)

We later see Herc emerge with Meg, his godly aura restored (he is Radiant!) something that *should* have killed him. and should have been impossible. But his desire to save her was so great, he recklessly dives in, without knowing that he will succeed. Luckily, all he had to do to prove he was worthy of godhood and power in both the game and the movie was to use the strength of his Heart rather than his fists, as a true hero does:

Sora scolds him and tells him not to do anymore crazy stunts after this reckless dive to save Meg (screenshot makes it look like herc is saying it sorry lol) and that is where we can see the term "mucha" being used in Japanese:

instead of crazy stunts, Sora moreso says "but don't be reckless (mucha)":

to which herc responds:

"people always do stupid things when they're in love" (note he doesn't repeat reckless, he says "baka" lol)

so here we have a direct link between herc's sacrifice when he dove in to save Meg, the restoration of his power/Godhood, and acting recklessly (mucha), without Fear or Doubt, to save someone he is In Love With. put a pin in this because it's all connected.

Now moving onto KH2.9 and KH3. From the start of the game we are told Sora has lost the Power of Waking, and his Entire goal in the game is to regain it, wake Ventus, and prepare for the battle in the KBG with Xehanort.

The Power of Waking is already a very vague, disney-esque power, essentially the power to free sleeping hearts from slumber (and first introduced to us in DDD, particularly in terms of Riku waking Sora up in a sleeping beauty retelling but I'm getting ahead of myself)

Yen Sid suggests that Sora go to Olympus for clues to regain his power, as Just Like Sora, Hercules also lost his power, but was able to regain it.

It's pretty straightforward, but in the interest of not making this post a fucking novel ill try to keep it short. Herc tells Sora he's not sure just *how* he got his powers back, just that he wanted to save Meg with all his heart when he (recklessly) dove in to save her. The game is trying to tell Sora that it's the Power of Love that brought back Herc's strength, and that Love will be key in bringing Sora's PoW back, too.

Specifically, I think that Herc's story and the other worlds Sora visits are saying that it's True Love that will bring Sora's powers back. Acts of true love in KH3 are framed as courageous, selfless, and performed unconditionally.

Despite the visit to see Hercules, Sora still doesn't gain the PoW. He has an idea of what he needs to regain it, but he has to visit multiple Disney worlds to learn more about the power of true love and sacrifice (well also separation but thats not as important to this post) before he's ready to test it out for himself.

After Arendelle (i think) we get to another important cutscene where Riku, Sora, donald, goofy, & mickey meet up with Yen Sid to discuss the progress they've made on their respective journeys. Sora wants to go to the Realm of Darkness with Riku & Mickey because he's worried, but they Won't let him because he doesn't have the PoW. Riku does the fondest laugh known to man, eliciting a bit of anger from Sora, but explains it's because of what Yen Sid had told him earlier - that had Sora or Riku known about Aqua being trapped in the RoD, they would have recklessly gone in to save her.

he's pretty much directly quoting yen sid here, just like he does in English (saying half-baked instead of reckless too). So basically saying here Sora would have marched into (the dark world) recklessly (had he known where Aqua was) - again using "mubou" like master yen sid.

Interestingly, when we get to Sora telling Riku to not be reckless in the dark world to Riku, he's not repeating the same word for Reckless that Riku is using (Now this might be just a flow of the conversation thing, which i certainly cant confirm as a non-native speaker but i think it's still notable)

Sora says something similar to what is said in English; with a few distinctions. A rough translation would be "but don't overdo it, call me if anything happens" (need I gripe one more time that english localization cuts out sora telling Riku to call him; which is why he spends the rest of the time apart from Riku wanting a call, and why its so unhinged that Riku triangles for sora and basically summons him. I DIGRESS)

This line is translated as "but be safe, no reckless stunts" in English, which serves as a callback to what Sora tells to Hercules in KH2, (further solidifying a herc/riku parallel) but IMPORTANTLY, Sora is NOT even saying the same thing he said to Hercules in the Japanese script. He's saying something else - 無理しないで (muri shinai de), which is usually translated as don't overdo it - but literally means "don't do the impossible". This will be important later when I talk more about Riku so keep this in mind.

We immediately get Donald saying "Sora's the reckless (muri) one" (abbreviating for simplicity) but Jiminy disagrees. In English he says "He's not reckless, he just doesn't think!" but in Japanese he says this:

Which i know im going to butcher any translation I do, but Jiminy is basically saying "[Sora's] not muri he's mucha". That distinction is important enough for Jiminy to make a joke about it. That Riku might actually be the one who is overdoing it/trying to do the impossible (muri), while Sora is the one who runs headfirst into danger recklessly (mucha). Which, i think, is quite fitting, given the actions theyve done through the series.

Importantly we get one more instance of "mucha" which I think really ties Sora's trait "recklessness" together nicely, and puts into perspective what the repetition of these phrases is doing from a story telling perspective.

After Sora finishes up the remaining Disney world visits, S, D, & G find out that Chip & Dale have lost contact with Riku & Mickey. Sora is very upset at this, and is Determined to save them (Riku) (with all his heart). Sora has NOT GAINED THE POW at this point, and they don't know how to even get into the RoD, so Sora opts to "let his heart be his guiding key" to find his way to Riku and the RoD. (Recklessly I might add, he hasn't called or talked to Yen Sid or consulted anyone about it lol)

He arrives at Destiny Islands and mysteriously finds Master's Defender which happens to be the key to getting him into the RoD. Right? Well. We know from the glossary that the established method of reaching the RoD is with a keyblade of darkness, through dark corridors, or with the Power of Waking.

Others have argued this (see SRT) but it's heavily implied that Sora regained the PoW on his way to rescue Riku. That he used it explicitly to get into the RoD is where people tend to be a little caught up in the details, because it *does* seem like Master's Defender plays a role, which begs the questions - is it a keyblade of darkness? What the fuck was it doing there? etc. (literally saw on a kh wiki that sora got into the RoD because Masters defender was a keyblade of darkness, which is unconfirmed currently lol) It's also not traditionally what the PoW looks like. There's a huge door that appears, Sora isn't using the kingdom key, he doesn't burst out of Riku's chest. Etc.

HOWEVER. I think with the context of the narrative arc Sora is going through, the foreshadowing present in the game, and The Reckless Rescue angle can at least prove that he DID regain his power here, regardless of whether or not he explicitly used it to get into the RoD. I'll try to briefly summarize the points I've seen made before I add my own.

After the visit to Olympus, Sora explains to Yen sid that he didn't regain his power but he still learned a lot. Yen sid stresses again that sora needs the PoW, Sora gets pouty, and Goofy cheers him up by saying "maybe something will trigger it real soon". Shortly after a bit of banter, there is a knock at the door, and Riku and Mickey walk in. The camera kmakes a point to show Mickey off to the side, then pan up to Riku as he walks in to close the door, who is centered in the view (almost as if we are watching from Sora's POV, who is anticipating Riku's appearance in the door).

Putting this side by side is a little unfair, since it's not an immediate jump from Goofy saying this to Riku's entrance, but it's pretty in your face about just what (or who) might be key to reawakening sora's PoW.

We also get some heavy handed foreshadowing in the next visit to Yen Sid's tower, right before Sora tells Riku to not overdo it:

Yeah. and he does, importantly, get the power of waking, not BEFORE he comes to the rescue, but BECAUSE he comes to the rescue.

Now for my contribution since I stole the last two/three points from other posts. Just before Sora enters the RoD, he tells D & G to stay behind and that he has to go alone. (Sigh, yes, this scene is a parallel to Riku using the PoW to save Sora in DDD - it *has* to be him, and him alone) D& G protest, but eventually relent. But Donald doesn't let Sora go without saying this:

(In English, Donald says "you promise to be good?" inexplicably) but in Japanese he tells sora (basically) "Don't be reckless" - aka. No Reckless Stunts, complete with the use of "mucha" (recall Donald in the previous scene was the one to call Sora "muri" before being corrected by Jiminy). This is similar to what Sora tells to herc, so we are pretty much full circle on this scene being a callback to Herc rescuing Meg in KH2.

Like Herc, Sora does the reckless thing. Like Herc, he heroically dives into the abyss to rescue his loved one with all his heart.

Like Herc, Sora regains his power the moment he resolves to rescue Riku, even if it is not made explicitly clear to Sora OR the audience (perhaps the fact that he regained the PoW is why he is able to save aqua, too)

I could probably go on about this and what it means for Sora for a long time, but I think it's high time I actually wrote about "muri" and Riku's recklessness, so let's rewind a little.

I've already brought up how Riku relates to Herc in terms of his recklessness and heroics, but theres a few more things to add. of course. I'll recap with pictures of one of the parallels i've already discussed:

So here i think at least metaphorically, we can argue that Riku has lost a bit of his "power"- or rather, his drive. After everything is over, he just collapses, ready to die or be left behind. Sora WONT let that happen. So Riku asks Sora to lead. He confesses to some of the jealousy and superiority he'd been feeling over Sora for the past few years, and seems to be trying to find a new direction in his life, having now repented Quite a bit for the sins he committed in KH1.

Riku's entire purpose for fighting after KH CoM and KH2 was to wake Sora up, keep him safe while he does his keyblade weilder duties, reunite him with Kairi, and send him on his merry way. Sora refuses to let him leave, and demands that he comes home with him. So he does. but without his jealousy over his feelings toward Sora, or without his feelings of guilt and feeling he needs to make it up to Sora, what is left to drive him to keep fighting?

DDD gives him a pretty strong answer - it's where he both rediscovers his sense of purpose and gains the Power of Waking in the process. And his dream eater powers too. btw

Riku's journey in DDD is, simply put, not really about passing the mark of mastery exam and becoming a keyblade master. it's about remembering What he lives for. remembering his promise to Terra, and how those feelings have evolved - from wanting strength to protect the Stuff that matters as a child, to, in DDD, discovering that the "stuff that matters, like his friends" was Sora the Whole time, and that Sora is actually a "precious best friend" that he wants to protect. It's About recovering his strength, like Herc needs to do in KH2.

So how does Riku regain his "strength"? By Sora-style taking a reckless dive into the deep abyss of Sora's heart to wake him using the PoW.

(Not once was I able to find any mention of "recklessness" here, or any particular language that ties this moment together cleanly with what happens in Olympus Colliseum in KH2, but the repetition of diving down into an abyss to rescue someone (with all your heart. etc) is Enough of a parallel to make the connection between this scene and Herc's dive to save Meg)

It is within the deepest depth of Sora's heart where Riku is interrogated by three pieces of Sora's heart about what he's afraid of, what he cares about more than anything else, and what he wishes - All canon answers involve the mention of "precious" - "taisetsu" (sorry im not explaining this one im going to just assume you know what im talking about if you are a soriku that reads meta you should know.) - to lose something precious, my precious best friend (fuck da english localization for this one), to recover something precious that I lost. It is here that we see Riku's simple "protecting important stuff" become "protecting something precious/my precious best friend" (note that this hasn't quite become "taisetsu na hito"/precious person but hes getting there)

Ansem the wise is there i guess and he tells Riku that his 3 answers are what were the key to waking sora up, and I think, importantly, are what give Riku his "strength" back. He has rediscovered his purpose, which is, to him, protecting Sora (with all his heart)

Continuing into KH2.9 we have another couple scenes that will both complete Riku's development from protecting stuff that matters to protecting a precious person and also continue to make a strong connection between him and Hercules.

It's been pretty well established that these two scenes are deceptively mistranslated, but i'll go over it again

Herc here is saying "taisetsu na hito" which is translated to "person I love most"

The EXACT phrase Mickey uses to tell Riku why he's feeling more powerful and fearless in the RoD, in the literal next scene in 2.9. They were supposed to be VERY CLEAR hit you over the head parallels but, well. SENA said fuck gay people i guess.

Riku repeats what Mickey says into his hand ("strength to protect my precious person") and recalls his promise to Terra, to protect the things that matter. (again it's implied it's always been about protecting sora, he just didn't have the language or understanding of himself yet to know how to say it)

There is absolutely no room for nuance here. This is explicitly framing Riku's feelings for Sora on par with Herc's feelings for Meg eg. explicitly romantic. And that it's his ROMANTIC LOVE for Sora that is what gives him his strength - not just to protect Sora, but also to do THE IMPOSSIBLE

phase ??? of my argument will now commence hang on to your butts. (i wrote this all in one night im tired)

Now that ive Exhaustively set that up. lets actually get back into discussing what I initially set up - riku doing the impossible "muri" thing.

As a reminder, Sora tells Riku to not "attempt the impossible/overdo it" in the RoD. And to call him if he needs him.

So Riku, instead of attempting the impossible in the RoD by facing the demon tide, does call Sora, which ends up being what saves the day! Yay!

I have bad news though! Riku is terrible at listening to advice when Sora is in trouble.

Now recall what I mentioned earlier about the fall of the guardians in the KBG and Sora's subsequent breakdown being a parallel to Herc losing his power in KH2. Sora *fails* everyone here, and he explicitly states he is worthless, without strength, when he loses them. It's very in line with Herc losing his powers in KH2.

(just putting these in here to hurt you and myself)

So, we get the Herc parallel, but it stops here for Sora. He doesn't do some grand self sacrifice for Riku to prove his heroism and regain his "power", but i think theres a reason for that beyond it just being Riku's time for the spotlight but I am getting there.

In the english localization, Sora says "we've lost, it's over". It's a subtle change from the Japanese, where instead of "it's over", Sora simply utters "muri da--" ("its impossible") (in the wettest saddest voice you can imagine)

It's at this moment where I do truly think we're meant to make the connection between Sora saying "its impossible" and Sora telling Riku to not attempt the impossible. It fits in nicely with Sora telling Herc to not do reckless stunts, with the slight change in language from "reckless" to "impossible", and with the impending self sacrifice. Riku knows that beating back the demon tide is impossible. But he does it anyway (compare to how, when faced with a much smaller demon tide, and he was losing, he listened to Sora's advice and called Sora for help instead of attempting the impossible)

So we have Riku's ultimate true love sacrifice for Sora, which both takes his life and grants him a spot upon an alter in Olympus, perhaps symbolically giving him some sort of ascension for his heroic deed. And again tying his sacrifice intimately to Herc's.

Because Sora and Riku are both "herc" and "meg" here I am going to make a little bit of a reach. Recall that I went through the effort of recapping the climax of the hercules movie. for no reason. There is a connection though even if it's loose, and i would kick myself for not including it.

In the movie, Meg, like Riku, protects a powerless Hercules from impending danger in her own act of true loves sacrifice. Her death gives Hercules his strength back (partly due to contract BS but it's still a romantic moment). And her death is what drives Hercules to dive into the Soul Hole to rescue her soul at a potentially great cost, which is what ultimately restores his godhood (showing his strength of heart). Riku sacrificing himself for Sora can be seen to be more like the events of the Hercules movie, Riku standing in for Meg - Sora does have to restore Riku's heart after it's been taken by the Lich, after all, much like Hercules brings Meg's soul out from the Hole. And Riku's sacrifice is what gives Sora the resolve to keep fighting. (not arguing with anyone who thinks it was only kairi because it wasnt lol)

So Riku attempts the impossible here, and ultimately he is rewarded. An interesting nuance is that the phrase "attempting the impossible" isn't meant to be taken as a challenge. From what ive read from native speakers, the phrase Sora uses really is better translated as "don't overdo it" as it is less about proving yourself to be able to overcome crazy obstacles and more about keeping your expectations in check. But Riku is reckless, and following his heart, which he learned from Sora.

I hope I've properly illustrated how Sora and Riku are both painted as reckless in different ways, and how the language used in KH3 is making direct references to Herc's reckless heroics in KH2 and in the actual Disney movie. And how these reckless acts are showcasing how much these two love each other, because I still have one more point to make. Namely, how this ties into Cinderella, and ultimately KH4.

In Terra's route of Birth By Sleep, he happens upon a distraught Cinderella, who has had her dress torn up by her step sisters. She was planning to go to the ball, but cannot, because it is "impossible" (muri)

Terra tries to console her. It's all very reminiscent of the scenes of Herc's, Sora's, and Riku's defeats.

After Terra fights off the unversed summoned by Cinderella's negativity (toxic much..), Out of the blue, the fairy godmother appears and makes everything better. She fixes up Cinderella with a dress and a ride to the ball, and sends her on her merry way.

She explains to Terra that she appeared to Cinderella to show her that her dreams *can* come true and that she typically appears only to people that have a strong belief in their dreams. Terra says he believes in dreams but you have to work for them, to which FGM responds that simply believing in dreams is already a difficult thing on its own. (Ventus also compares Terra to Cinderella. btw. because of his strong dreams)

Now. Sigh. Im not the only person that has pointed this out. The FGM quite literally appears to Riku, but only after a year has passed and they have no leads on Sora, and after it's implied that Riku is starting to lose hope.

In the limit cut, you can see Riku's sad wet puppy dog face as he talks about how hard everyone is working, and how they haven't found anything at all. He says "if Sora is really out there, don't you think we would have found something by now?" - Again, he's losing faith in his dreams of Sora's return. This is important.

I do not have the strength to go through and find all the times Riku told everyone to believe in Sora in KH3. It's a lot. And the last thing we hear him say Near Sora, is to let him go on his suicide mission to save Kairi - to BELIEVE in Sora (#wish).

So one, we know the dream Riku believes in is Sora, and two, we know he is starting to lose his belief in his dreams, like Cinderella before the ball, when he dress is destroyed.

Right after it's clear their is no lead through the data from Org 13, FGM appears, just like she did for Cinderella. And she tells Riku that His Dreams Are Literally A Key To Find Sora (that hes quite literally been #dream drop distancing into sora's dreams while hes in unreality is already so much without the FGM being there to explain this to him but KH is crazy!)

One last thing to really drive this home. The FGM brings Riku and Kairi to the nameless star to bring the three keys together.

And what does she tell Riku, before he leaves?

"Be careful. Do not attempt to do the impossible."

---------

if you read this whole thing... well... im proud of you. I know i definitely missed stuff, because it would be so hard to go through all the games and really dig for the use of this term especially when I dont speak japanese at all. and because i wrote this all in one night. But dont hesitate to comment or reblog if you have anything to add. I freaking love kingdom hearts

[esosage]

I need a stobotnik fic where robotniks called to HR for "fraternizing" with his assistant. Because naturally, robotnik would be confused about it, because he and stone arnt dateing. But then HR come at him with an itemised list of all the freak shit he's done with stone, and i mean ALL of it. So while he does proves he and stone arnt fraternizing, haveing everything him and stone have done laid out like that, he cant help but wonder if he and stone ARE dateing. Or at least have feeling for one another.

Initially he dissmises the thought, blocking it out due to being a stubborn basterd who's terrified of the thought of being able to care for another person in the first placre. But then it starts to keep him up at night. Then he begins to notice the patterns when going throughout his day with stone. How much he relies on the other, how close they are.

Everything that he did mindlessly before: pinning stone to walls, sticking his fingers into stones mouth, putting a tracker watch on stone, how much he touches stone compared to other people, the innate trust he puts in stone every time he drinks one of his coffee's, he now notices it ALL. His brain takeing note of it, and graphing it all with horrible accuracy. And of course robotnik hates it, and tries to go back to the way things were before, but, he cant. He cant stop noticing it now that its been brought to his attention, and its eating him up alive.

So he begins to avoid stone in a vain attempt to stop whatevers going on with him. He doesnt pin stone up to walls anymore, he doesnt call stone in for late night at the lab anymore, he doesnt jab him in the gut anymore, hell he doesnt call stone in for latte's anymore. But to his horror, it makes whatevers happening to him worse. Every soft touch, every adoreing look, it makes him squirm. It makes his gut flutter with a feeling he isnt framilar with and terrifies him.

So he doubles down, going out of his way to push stone away, to get his agent to leave him so that whatever this feeling is will leave him aswell. And yet stone stays, refuses to go until robotnik says resolutely that robotnik says he doesnt want him anymore. And when robotnik does, stone leaves.

And thats what robotniks enemies had been waiting for. Because of him pushing away stone, it creates an opening for anyone who wants to get their hands on him. And so they take it. They shut down his badniks, tie him up, and hull him off to god knows where.

And robotnik begins to genuinlly regret pushing stone away. Of course, he had already regreted it the moment stone had left the lab, the moment he called for stone only for his assistant to never come, but now he's going to die alone and thats more painfull than anything else. Sure, he was content to die alone before, but its hard to have a taste of heaven and want to go back.

Thankfully for him though, he isnt going to die alone, as stone comes back to save him. And seeing stone do so warms something in robotniks cold heart. Because it confirm to him that stone really does care for him, that he likes him enough to put his life on the line for robotnik, and even if ivo has a hard time saying it outloud, that means the world to him.

Additionally, it also makes him unable to deny that stone cares about him. Like sure, stone had shown it before, but ivo was to enwrapped in his own self hatred to notice, too scared to admit that maybe he can be loves, and what that sentiment might imply about his life leading up to now, to ever do anything but dissmiss it. But now he cant dissmiss it, he cant ignore it, he is forced to admit that stone cares about him and that he cares about stone back. And that he hurt the only person who cares about him.. the only person who gave enough of a shit about him to actually look for him when he went missing. The only person who, despite not needing to anymore, went to save him not because he wanted his inteligence or his stature, but because he wanted him... because he wants and cares for ivo. And so its safe to say robotnik starts to feel very guilty about how he treated stone, if he hadnt before.

Oh and he also begins to let himself admit that he may have a slight attraction to stone, because god, watching his scyophant bash his enemies skulls open before carrying him out bridal style does something to him.

What?! He may be a geuise, but he's still a, ugh, PERSON at the end of the day. So as much as he hates to admit it, he has his own weaknesses. And one of them just so happens to be stone manhandling him around while soaked in their enemies blood.

Anyhow, i'd imagine when stone drops robotnik off at the lab and goes to leave again, is when ivo gives him an apology. Of course, its not a good one since this is probobly the firsr apology he's ever given out ever, but the fact that he's giving one out at all is what matters to stone. And so they make up, and stone stays. (Maybe even kiss, not sure. Ivo already had to admit that he cares about someone, and that someone is capable about careing about him, which is already big for him. He might not be ready for the kissing step yet.)

Not sure if they would date after that, but ivo would deffinetly be a lot more open to concider that he might have feelings for stone. So cue a million "how to know if i am in love" google searches, and quizes. Maybe in a fit of desperation he even vaugly asks walters after announceing his un-kidnapping to the old man too, since walters is like, the only person ivo kinda knows enough to feel comfortable asking that. He would still try to make it vauge enough that walters wouldnt suspect that its about himself, or that he might have feelings twards stone.. but, lets be honest, walters reads this man like a book, he knows exactly whats going on.

After a bit of robotnik figureing himself out, i'd imagine him and stone would start dateing. Of course, robotnik would have a time figureing out how to confess. Probobly cycling through and scrapping MANY ideas before he lands on one he's comfortable with. But even then he's still akward as hell trying to go through with it. Talking about emotioms isnt his strong suit, so neither is confessing, thankfully though, atone was thinking of confessing at the same time so ivos burden is lightened. He still cant say "i love you" yet, though he manages to get the message across regardless.

After that, theyre relationship would progress slowly, after all big changes are scary to ivo, aswell as emotional intamacy, but they manage. Getting their way through with light hand holding, gentle touches, and maybe even a forehead kiss or two if theyre lucky.

So yeah, thats all i have, feel free to pitch in any ideas if you want to though.

Also, sorry this is so long, i meant to make this breif but the ideas kept flowing as i wrote lol.

[youling-the-ghost]

I think a reason why I love sfth so much is that it strays so far from the mindset that I've developed as a musician.

as a guitarist, you must never make a mistake. oh, you missed a note? you played one note a little too loudly? your string buzzed on a chord change? your entire performance is now forever tainted. all practice is to mitigate mistakes. mistakes are the bane of your existence. and if you dare to make a mistake onstage? you better not show it. you must be graceful as a swan, hiding your desperately thrashing feet behind a facade of elegance.

but sfth? they embrace all of that. they don't shy away from making mistakes, in fact they embrace it. mistakes are repeatedly highlighted and become part of the sketch. for sfth, mistakes are the performance. and I think there's something beautiful about that.

[hhhhleb]

inspired by The Rebel by Albert Camus (just an excuse to draw Sci :D)

[violetlunette]

So, here’s a horrifying brain-vomit: If all the mirrors to the dorms broke, would all the students die? Or be trapped forever?

And if it's the latter, would time sort of freeze where everyone is stuck in time at their teenage years? Or would they continue to age? Either way, they'd only survive if they're able to start an agriculture to get what they need to survive.

I know all these places have washrooms, which indicates that water is magically made. So let’s pretend—for the sake of the horror—that the water suddenly stops appearing.

Pomefiore, Heartslabyul, and Octavinelle would do fine in the long run, as they all have an ecosystem to fulfill their needs.

Pomfiore has plenty of apples, and all the greenery suggests a good water system. They’d have to eat like sheep, eating only greens and fruits, but they’d live. (As far as I know.)

The same applies to Heartslabyul. Except for fruit they could breed the flamingo and hedgehogs for food and eat the former’s eggs. (Assuming the animals aren’t fixed.) Otherwise, they could survive on the greenery and roses that aren’t painted.

Octavinelle's merstudents would do swimmingly. They’d just have to breed the fish to survive as Octavinelle is underwater. The landfolk would struggle without clean water to drink, but Azul could come up with a way to turn saltwater into drinkable water. That said, it’d be hell for the landfolk, who would definitely get taken advantage of the merfolk. (Tis the nature of the dorm.)

Diasomnia would be okay if Malleus was trapped in the mirror when it broke, but otherwise screwed. (Note: For this horrible scenario we’re assuming his game-break powers can’t repair the mirrors. Nor can he just teleport out of pocket dimensions.) If Malleus was there, he could conjure water and food for his dorm. Otherwise, Diasomnia would only have moat water to drink and thorns to eat.

Scarabia would only survive if Kalim was there and there were cactuses and stuff to eat. And even then, the desert environment would not be easy to live in.

Savanaclaw would be screwed. If it’s anything like I know of the Savanna, there’s not a lot of places to grow food, and they have no animals to breed. On top of that, there would be little to no water in the area. And unlike Diasomnia or Scarabia, their house warden can’t magically conjure any. So, unless they get creative and find a miracle, they’re dead.

Ignihyde would also be dead as the underworld it takes influence from. The only food and water they have are in vending machines, except the lake, which doesn’t seem drinkable. They’d have to turn themselves into robots to survive.

But even if we pretend the water keeps appearing, that doesn’t change the fact that there’d be little to no food for 3-4 of the houses. (Again, depending on if Diasomnia had Malleus there.)

And even then, in time everyone would die eventually due to age, sickness, or something else. Meaning all the students would have to watch everyone around them die until they joined them.

Malleus, who’s a dragon, would outlive EVERYONE and, in the end, would be all alone with zero connection to the outside. Meaning, in time, he’d go insane. (Unless he, like some lizards, can shift genders to lay eggs, and he mated with all the boys to create babies to keep him company, which is a whole other can of worms.)

Ignhyde and Octavinelle would be the only houses to survive the passages of time in the long run if the mirrors were never fixed.

Ignhyde could become a robot world and create robo-children or make a Matrix society where everyone lived in their head. Meanwhile, Octavinelle could procreate by taking advantage of fish biology and shifting genders. (Providing merfolk have that ability.)

In conclusion, let’s hope the mirrors to the dorms never break and that if they do, they a) spit the students out or b) Crowley has a magic mirror repairman.

This is all just my quick-fire thought on all this. I'm curious to hear what everyone else thinks would happen in this scenario.

[sciderman]

Gwen Stacy was 100 gazillion percent not dead before Peter’s web reached her??? What killed her while she fell? THE AIR????

and here begins one of the more hotly debated topics in spider-man comics canon - what killed gwen stacy?

(i could make a video essay about this)

goblin says that the shock of the fall alone is enough to kill her

and honestly, i don't think that sounds fake. like i mean, i've never been thrown off a bridge before but like, the shock of that could probably kill me. i don't think that's fake at all. i'd have a fucking heart attack mid-air. yeah.

but there is the pointed. snap.

so, really, regardless of whether gwen was already dead or not, the snap is a reality. if she was alive or dead, it doesn't matter, so if the shock of the fall didn't kill her, the snap would've.

i kind of don't know why norman would say she was dead before the webbing reached her. it seems more in norman's diabolical brand to double down and tell peter that his webbing IS what killed gwen. but i think maybe this is another case of the writers and artists not being on the same page - same as how it's described as the george washington bridge

but the artists didn't get the memo. that bitch is not the george washington bridge.

that bitch is the brooklyn bridge!!

headcanon that i guess in 616 the brooklyn bridge is called the george washington bridge. sure. why not.

i figure the gwen "snap!" thing is another instance of the writers and artists just being on distinctly different pages. there's this very funny workflow in comics where they kind of give the artist a rough outline of the plot and the final dialogue isn't actually written until the comic is pencilled so there's always, always miscommunications between the writers and artists. where the artist draws the brooklyn bridge but the writer thinks it would be fun if actually it was the george washington bridge after the fact because get it. norman loves money. but in the synopsis it didn't actually matter what bridge it was so the artist just drew whatever the fuck bridge!!

so. i think it's the same with the snap. in the synopsis it probably says "gwen dies in the fall" - artist interprets it as whiplash, and draws it so. writer has the idea that actually, it's the shock that kills her. synopsis says "dies in the fall" and it doesn't actually matter how. point is she dies! however the fuck!

i'm honestly so obsessed with the running gag in spider-man comics where you know the writers and artists are on different pages. in two separate rooms doing two separate things. rereading the comics is so funny when you know that weird workflow and you see a scene where the art is saying one thing and the words are saying another. almost like a 4kids dub.

that's why you get such great moments such as the panel that has caused the most outrage in my activity feed. the brown/blue pants debate.

HIS PANTS ARE BLUE!!

[f1-the-real-housewives-of-monaco]

What I learnt abt Canada gp after reading articles on f1 app (for those still mentally living that weekend):-

acc to stella, in fp3, medium tires didn’t have an improvement on lap time, hence they stuck to softs for qualifying.

BUT thanks to track evolution, mediums responded better as the track cooled and improved grip so rip to mcl’s foresight

Lando worked used softs, oscar new; lando fastest in q1, close behind george in q2.

In q3 with new tires, lando glanced the turn 7 wall in his second run, which put him at p7.

Stella believes despite the disadvantage to Mercedes and redbull’s mediums, lando was on track for pole as the speed was there. But he tried too hard (remember spain🥲 quali), and lost the rhythm.

this being a circuit mcl struggles with, lando was impressive until the glance at turn 7. Again he was the fastest driver on sunday, catching up oscar until the crash.

THE NEW SUSPENSION- lando used it for quali + race, but oscar opted out

[So this year’s car has an ‘anti-dive’ front suspension, giving the car a flat aero platform. With less dive under braking, the ride height can be lower.

This anti- dive reduces the ‘feedback’ and feel received by the steering and brakes— Lando’s tools to get feedback from car and drive accordingly (hence his struggle this year). He describes this car as feeling numb to him.

So mcl brought a new front suspension which is so mildly tweaked, indistinguishable from its former and hidden from the car bodywork to make assumptions of it. ]

Tldr- it should improve the steering feel for lando but on interviews he said he didn’t help much and further improvements and tests on other tracks were needed. He described the friday as one of the worst ever in 2025 (maybe explains his sullen look on Saturday morning).

post race, lando said that he wasnt concerned after the crash because he was the fastest driver on Sunday (and basically looked v confident).

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

To the person who said that Mike probably knows that there’s a big chance Will likes him back and that’s exactly why he’s scared… KISS ME ON THE MOUTH RN I LOVE YOU AND ILL ONLY THINK ABOT THU S NOW RAIYARAURUGGGHHHXHSJJS /p

No but like, this explains the van scene to me, yk? Ever since i began properly analysing it myself and reading other people’s analysises I’ve been a firm believer that Mike *did* in fact see right through Will. He realised that the speech was from Will to him. He realised the painting was from Will and not from El. He’s not stupid folks, and to me the expressions on his face throughout the speech speak volumes. I could go on forever about his micro expressions arcshwhjshi might just make an analysis if i ever have the time and energy

ANYWAYS I’ve never figured out how that would make sense with any of the events that followed, and what that could mean for s5. But my eyes have been opened now guys!! I bet a huge part of his s5 arc is gonna be, not only battling with internalised homophobia, but battling with the fact that he could have exactly what he wanted… but he must be brave. He must take the step and ask Will out. He must take the risks if he wants to be with the person he loves and who loves him back!!

TAHSIKDDHOEJDLEJJR

[weirdghostcat]

"Tell me,

do you remember how we started? How our once precious time together, ended in misery? I could never forget those times, no matter how much pain, how much suffering they brought me. Even after years of wandering around, trying to find a place, a home, they never left."

"..."

"You know... There is one particular question I keep asking myself for quite a while. What if those villagers never showed up? Never interrupted our little world? Never harmed... It's quite a shame that we will never know."

"..."

"Eh~... After all this time, you can not even say something to me? Wasn't it you who wanted to bring me back so, so desperately?

"I... I never wanted... this."

"... It's too late for apologies. Be honest for once, brother. Wasn't this what you always wanted? Being the bright hero in everyone's eyes? The golden knight in shining armor..."

"... I don't... I..."

"Open your eyes, dear, it's time to wake up.

Let's see if history will repeat itself."

[mavavibora]

For some reason Greed gives me trickster god vibes. He challenges our ideas about desire, greed, and ownership by just existing and being himself. He is unpredictable and while he doesn't lie, that doesn't mean he doesn't deceive ("I don't lie" is a classic trickster trope). He can sound wise and childish at the same time. During the final battle, he turns the tide of the fight not once, but twice and plays a trick on Father while at it. The tragedy though, is that he deceives and even lies to himself the most.

Ooo!!! RAH I LOVE TALKING ABOUT GREED CHARACTER SORRY IF I GET RAMBLY ANYWAYS- That’s a good interpretation of his character but it’s funny you say that cause I kinda view him as opposite hehe

Personally I think the trickster trope would probably fit someone like Envy who enjoys manipulating peoples emotions by seeing them as a weakness while Greed sees such things as more of a strength (as he tells Wrath later on as a reason to side with humans). Greed definitely has his moments where he challenges peoples thoughts of greed itself but I think it’s important to understand that he’s not justifying the individual actions that comes with greed itself but more trying to help give an unbiased perspective on greed as a whole.

It’s not said in the anime but there’s a moment in the manga where he’s talking to Ed and makes a parallel between greed and hope- how he believes they’re one in the same and are only seen differently because of the positive/negative connotations associated with each word but in reality they’re no different. Like how wanting to save someone you love is no different of a desire than wanting a million dollars, they’re both forms of greed/can be seen as hopeful desires depending on context. No matter your good intentions your desire is all the same. To simplify it, he’s trying to say that greed itself is not bad but what you do with it can become either/or depending on perspective.

I think when It comes to the “no lying” thing I interpreted it as a sort of jab to the generic trope that all greedy characters are normally depicted as lying con artists and how Arakawa tends to kinda play against those tropes. Personally I think if Greed was really all along a trickster character it would erase that ironic charm his character has of being this prolific, power hungry, gang leader who’s driven by pure avarice but also is honest man at the end of the day. Also I think it’s funny that him being truthful can tie in with the fact that he tends to be pretty blunt so he physically CANT be a liar just purely based on the fact he’s so impulsive lmao.

I do believe Greed struggles with his emotions and understanding of them as shown in a jab in the manga when he confuses what Al said as him losing his brother and he turns to the nest to ask what’s the appropriate thing to do at the moment because he’s not emotional intelligent enough to know what to say. The interpretation that he lies to himself is something I definitely agree because again I don’t think he’s ever tried to expand or understand those feelings until there was a moment where his emotions reached an extremity and he was forced to process it and that’s where his character development starts as a journey of self discovery.

ANYWAYS thats my as short as I could make my interpretation of his character in regards of that topic I know many people have their individual opinions and thoughts on him since the topic of greed itself can be widely debated so I adore and love everyone’s personal opinions and thoughts! I do think at the end of the day Greed isn’t supposed to be portrayed strictly as bad or good he’s just someone who wants what he wants and how you view his actions can be debated and doesn’t have a strict perspective so I definitely see how you can view his character as manipulative and I can see it in some moments 100%!

[rwfeh]

The girls are fighting on the finals, hope nothing bad happens.

Vote Error!!!

[undistortedworld]

carefully crafting my outfit to look as sweet and innocent and unfireable as possible in hopes of making my boss feel too bad to fire me for breaking the work phone

[mossterunderthebed]

it has come to my attention that i havent seen Rise of the Guardians in Far Too Long. So. i decided to re-watch it (it really has been too long) Anyway! i had. A Lot of Reactions. so i thought id share!!!

be warned if you havent seen it: SO many spoilers ahead

Enjoy :)

literally from the very first moment this movie is SO nostalgic oh my gosh, when he hits that snowflake with his crook like the Feels are Feeling

okay the first lines of narraration have not left my head since i watched this movie the first time i need you to know that i need you to know how this movie has haunted me its so good okay im so hyped

oh my GOSH. the frost. the soundtrack. jack's delighted little reactions. his excitement. his boyish glee. oh my gosh im gonna CRY. do you have any idea how much i adored this sequence when i was younger. an unbelievable amount.

ohhhhh not the village. ouch. still hurts after all this time.

...i rlly hope north didnt get one of the licked cookies. ive always comforted myself that no they must have turned the plate to offer him the least slobbered on one cause they didnt wanna get in trouble either but in truth i have no way of knowing. why does this still haunt me.

ew ew no dont SPIT IT BACK OUT THATS EVEN WORSE

the sound the yeti makes back and forth with north lolllll

'the GLOBE???' love that.

'why are you always under-boot' lol i love wordplay :)

pitchhhhhhhhhh i hate you but as far as villains go hes a pretty good one and i loved his voice before i even knew who jude law was lol. hes a pretty standout character and even as a villain i think he was in like my top four favorites

Tooth's character designnnnnnnnnn it still slaps look at all her pretty feathersssss

SANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY i love him you have no idea

BUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OH MY GOSH i love his opening sequence SO MUCH he looks so cool and then-

'i cant feel my feet! i cant feel my FEET!' i LOVE HIM (also his accent SENDS me, Every Time)

'yeah you said it sandy' LOL i love how they all have their own unique relationship with sandy but like you can just tell they all love him and i mean valid cause how can you not hes literally the best

'i feel it. in my belly' iconic.

PRECIOUS NOSE SNIFFLES OUGH BUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

lol the elf trying to get at sandy's cup literally i love sandy so much and that elf oh my gosh he makes me wheeze

'im dealin' with PERISHABLES!' u tell him bunny LOL

i love how sandy's trying so get so hard to get their attention; his character design is really really good and i love how he has this system of communication based off his sand and how emotive he is and-

FORK NOT THE ELF LOLLLLLLLLLL SANDY!!!

*snort* and the elf just goes *plop teeter clank* lolllllll

he's so done fr 😂 sandy i love you

'uh, i take it back. the groundhog's fine' BUNNY! that is your future husband youre talking about! shame on you

'all he does is freeze water pipes and- and mess with my egg hunts!' my ship-hunting brain (locks in immediately): 👀 theres a story there. and you best BELIVE im gonna be headcanoning the SHEEP out of it.

bunny reading jack the ticket -> cuts to jack causing all sort of mischief me: ...you are really not selling your case here buddy (ofc part of his charm is that he doesnt sell his case but im ignoring that for the sake of this bit)

'oh hes real all right. real grumpy, real annoying and realllll full of himself' 30k enemies to lovers with a side of fluff and angst GO

'no one honey its just an expression' ouch

why all these headshots? like im all for a good snowball fight but like. y'all are literally giving each other brain damage.

CUPCAKEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

lol jack comin in with the save

admitedly that always bothered me. to what EXTENT can jack manipulate emotions exactly? (probably not excessively i just find this concept to be unfathomable creepy, esp when used on unconsenting parties... its just a kids movie moss, chill your teeth)

'and- and-' sofa: my time has come! i know exactly what i must do *BODYSLAM* jack: oops :) ROFL

oh my baby :((((( he looks so lonely and defeated. jackkkkkkkkkk TT

SANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! you guys i love him so much this sequence is so light-hearted and sweet it makes my heart just. UGH. i love them 🥺

oh ew its you *blarph* okay but no lie this sequence i hated this sequence when i was younger but it was really elegantly done like the tap and then the way the dark sand just SPREADS and the unicorn falls and curls up in pain and then cupcake does too *sobs*

*hears thumping jumps* me: YES

blizzard of '68 what was the blizzard of '68 what happened at the blizzard of '68 im so curious tell me tell me tell me tell me tell meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

the way bunny scratches at his fur. dude. dreamworks did not have to go that hard with the dilf vibes and yet. here we are.

LOLLLLL jacks face when he sees north and tooth AND sandy AND bunny: 'and it was then that he knew. he forked up'

jack (sarcastic): 'yeah i love being shoved in a sack and tossed through a magic portal' North (completely genuine, just Vibing): :D Good! That was my idea! jack: 😲 ☝️ -> 😐 ✊ LOL

'you know bunny obviously' 'obviously' VIBES YOU GUYS LOOK RIGHT THERE IM TELLING YOU THERE ARE VIBES

okay but when tooth gets up all in his grill (and his mouth, dude what is that about calm DOWN girl) the first thing jack does is glance off screen and FOLLOWING the trajectory of his gaze THATS WHERE BUNNY'S STANDINGGGGGGGG YOU GUYS HE GOT OVERWHELMED AND OUT OF HIS DEPTH IN A NEW SITUATION FOR ALL OF 0.1 SECOND AND THE FIRST THING HE DID WAS LOOK TO BUNNY FOR HELP AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

'lets not disgrace the uniform' what, FEATHERS???

love sandy's insomniac/narcoleptic tendencies so so so much i love that hes mute i love that he tries to 'talk'/sign too fast when he gets excited you guys you cannot comprehend how much i forking love The Sandman mr. Sanderson Mansnoozie you just cant its unreal

'little man' okay kinda rude hes literally so much older than you and you benefit from his dreams and its meant in affection so i wont hold it against you but still. giving u the side-eye for that one jackie 🤨

LOL do u see sandy's face he was SO excited when jack froze that little cookie-bearing elf ROFLLLLLLLLL why does he look so delighted i love sandy and jack's relationship theyre just so hilariously ride or die for each other sandy shouldve gotten more screen time fr smh

bunny just looks. So Unamused (*laughs at his suffering*)

THE TRUMPET ELF ROFL

he drops down and practically cuddles his staff and his voice goes all soft and cheeky and he just sits there like a forking koala being cute as all cuteness fork you jack frost you ruined my life *shoves bunny at him and grabs popcorn* NOW KISS

oh no not the Man In Moon thingggg not a good look Moons 😬 i mean look ghosting a guy for 300 years AFTER you take his memories and leave him for... whatever the magical mythical threshold between life and death is? yikessssss i feel jack is rightfully ticked in this one tbh

'no offense' 'how- how- how is that not offensive?' ROFL

okay bunny woah, thems fighin words oh my gosh but you guys you feel it too right the TENSION there IS tension i SWEAR i ship them i do and i ship them FOR A REASON they have the most interesting dynamic in this whole movie (except for my bb jamie but like come on thats unmatchable the family feels are strong with that one this is different okay)

'oh hey phil' first name basis with the yetis cracks me up every time

jack: 'i always thought the elves made the toys' north: 'we just let them believe that' *signals to nod with Eyes* *WHEEZE*

'theres... a tiny wooden baby' LOL the whole talk about centers was cool tho very sentimental

'everyone loves the sleigh' bro im in it for the reindeer are you kidding me i wanna ride one of THOSE things somebody get me a saddle that would be the sickest thing EVER

'where are the bloody seatbelts??' oh bunny you sweet summer child

'i hope you like carrots' LOL

sandy is so cute oh my forking gosh his little 'whee!' motion 🥺

saw someone point out once that jack saw bunny was super not happy to be on the sleigh and deliberately let himself 'blow away' and it did actually get him to loosen up and banter a bit and now i cant unsee it theyre SO and im soft for themmmmmm

'hey little baby tooth, you okay?' always remembered that, cannot tell you why. something striking about the imagery perhaps? very colorful curled up in a very pale hand. dunno.

north: gives reigns to jack jack: immediately makes the demon deer Go Faster me (watching and eating popcorn): u kno North that seems like perhaps not a good idea

bunny does Not Play with pitch like if you think about how he is with jack and then how he is with pitch its like, oh wow okay he really doesnt hate jack but he HATES pitch

'go suck an egg' in jude law's voice is actually unforgettable dont ask me why it just is

bro u cant steal sandy's Thing thats called plagiarism. Not Cool

ahhhhhhhhh the memoriesssssssss jackkkkkkkkkkkkkk

the TOOTH COLLECTING COMPETITION I LOVE THIS SEQUENCE SO MUCH I CANNOT EXPRESS AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH theyre so playful and cute and the BondingTM is SO *chefs kiss*

tooth: 'take it easy there champ, hes one of us! part of the european division. ca va?' mous: *angry squeaking and immediate resignation* LOL

BUNNY LIGHTING NORTH ON FIRE ROFL

THE LAUNDROMAT *LOSES IT*

okay dude the bit with the ENTIRE Christmas In A Room vs. sandy's one (1) quarter is just. i mean north some on thats just not fair. sandy's face is hilarious tho lollllll but srsly when i was younger i was always like. ????? for a TOOTH?? overkill.

NEVER UNDERSTOOD THIS. EVERYBODY 'STOPPED BELIEVING' (comes later) AND YET THIS LITTLE KID SAW THIS WHOLE THING??? WHY DID HE NOT BELIEVE? HE LITERALLY SAW THEM!!!! i dunno maybe they were trying to make a point about pure hearts and True Believers TM or some other bull but to younger me it just didnt make Any Sense zero logic *throws hands in air* (kid movie rules Moss remember? Kid. Movie.)

tooth i know youre cool and the only significant Female Presence in this movie but Please for the love of all STOP TOUCHING HIM i dont like how hard this movie pushes the one-sided crush agenda. like tooth could be SO much better than this narratively and shes not shes just not because they didnt care enough to make her be. thats a problem with the writing from the start and as a writer it makes me sad. boo.

bunny you are so proud and so cantankerous and i love you for that truly. never change

peter cottontail fdjksfhsk i love all the little nicknames

'he can see us' 'most of us' *sobs* i feel like this is kind of the first moment of genuine compassion bunny has for jack like yeah not nice to be the bearer of bad news but like. 1) hes so much gentler about it than he was even just ten minutes ago, not trying to twist the knife, just wanting to let jack down gently and 2) having the kind of compassion that will do the hard things and a) trust jack to be able to handle it and get back up because bunny does believe in him and have a high opinion of him even if he also has a low opinion on him you know what i mean? and b) not let jack keep hoping only to be crushed and have to swallow that bitterness on his own when he realizes that no, jamie cant see him

also why the fork didnt jamie realize 'hey thats a weird empty space, hey why do they keep looking at it, HEY there must be someone there, maybe i should ask about that' but no let the inquisitive kid who loves supernatural phenomena NOT pick on the obvious sure thats fine and keeps GREAT with the character! *grumbles over on the side* (im harsh with this i know i promise i do think its great fr and they did such a good job and im prone to many many mistakes in my own writing im not mad about any of this just kind of wish some of these details had been ironed out in production but anyway most ppl probably wouldnt think of this stuff or at least not enough ppl would care for it to be enough of an issue. anyway)

not sandy with the fists LOL 'with the dream sand ya gumby!' why is sandy so down for violence and why is BUNNY having to be the one to remind him to use his actual magic?? feel like this is just another example of bunny really not being just as hes presented but actually having a much softer and gentler outlook which is hilarious when put in contrast- which is probably of the point

sandy's so over ur sheep bunny just let him knock the dog out

oh jack. hes still sore from jamie not seeing him so ill let him have this but when bunny realizes what you did hes gonna whoop ur az also, so funny to me that jack rolls his eyes he knows bunnys full of sheep lol

the tapdancing carrot LOL

NO SANDY DONT GIVE IN TO THE IMPULSIVE TEENAGER'S OVERENTHUSIASTIC WHIMS- ARGHHHHH HE GAVE IN TO THE IMPULSIVE TEENAGER'S OVERENTHUSIASTIC WHIMS or maybe i should say dont give into YOUR impulsive whims bcoz for all that sandy's kind and supposedly floating above it all, literally hes like a rat trap, like the second you even breath on him hes doing something crazy or holding back from doing something crazy or no longer holding back from doing something crazy. he just always wants the crazy. why.

LOL love how sandy startles pitch lollllll he really is afraid of him frfr and you know i feel like thats another stroke of narrative genius, i love how sandys really unassuming, often overlooked, but clearly such a big personality and important part of the guardians even in those times when they forget about him and i love how hes the one who changes the tides and becomes such a huge deciding factor in the whole battle against pitch at the end i dunno it just gets my goat esp bcoz hes so different too you know? i dont know i just love him so much

OOHHHHHH THE WHIPS GET 'IM SANDY

lets be surrounded by demon horses with mama (my adoptive brother/mother figure (and i feel like it says something that sandy's a better 'mother figure' than tooth is when shes being NARRATIVELY PLACED that way for much of the film like shes a 'love interest' (vaguely/one-sidedly (*gag*)) AND a mother figure like pick one you cant have both and youre not doing either of them well))

okay that was a well-placed 'boo' gotta admit

FORK FORK FORK okay im sorry but HE GOES 'YOU MIGHT WANNA DUCK' AND THEN GRABS THE BOOMERANG???? HIS FORKING VOICE???? AND THE FORKING SMIRK????? THE FORKING EYEBROW RAISE?????????? HE SMIRKS AT JACK THAT WAS LIKE- THAT WAS- THATS AN EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED MUSCLE-HEAD'S VERSION OF FLIRTATION RIGHT HE WAS FLIRTING RIGHT??????? (he was ABSOLUTELY flirting- at the VERY least he was Showing Off and THAT my dears is MATERIAL) okay phew okay yea im good now *ahem* anyway wow gosh i love this forking movie i ship these two so hard fr fr go Bunny get yo man

OH MY GOSH SANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY NOOOOOOOOOO

JACK'S SCREAM?????

*the sound of my actual heart breaking*

he just LAUNCHES hims up there to get to him even tho its already too late im sobbing

BUNNY YELLS HIS NAME HE TRIES TO STOP HIM PITCH IS STILL UP THERE ITS DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE UGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

on the floor curled into the fetal position. like Pillbug

YOU DONT GET TO CALL SANDY LITTLE MAN YOU BEENCH THATS JACK'S CUTE LIL' NICKNAME FOR HIM AND ITS NICE WHEN HE SAYS IT ILL FIGHT YOU

go tooth tryna provide air support sorry our boy is so reckless hotheaded and dumb please bear with him and continue watching over him

oh SANDY. his FACE. hes so peaceful *sobs myself sick*

JACKIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *sobs MORE*

i just love how north and the others are all so Concerned for him. what support i love them and their dynamic *weeps but happily this time*

hehe go jack (srsly tho that looks painful its like he stuck his finger into an Ice-Flavoured Electrical Socket TM)

hehe get WRECKD pitch

oooh get wreckd jack (yikes)

i love how pitch just goes WHEEEEEEE off the other side of the screen like seriously im cackling

hey but at least someone helps jack, pitch just Falls. too bad he lives :/

ah yesssss be bewildered at the strength of your own power jackie boy yes yes a Good Trope indeed

okay creepy that pitch figured out your center before you did (not a good look for a Guardian jackie boy keep up here) but also what are you laughing about you overgrown sootball you literally just fell seven thousand feet and had to stumble up off the forest floor. binch.

oh not the funeralllllll

WHY does tooth set her candle down ON sandy's little memorial thing bro literally NO ONE ELSE did that. it was symmetrical before you. (when i tell you that literally ALWAYS bothered me as a kid, ouhhhhhhhhhgosh)

okay they should've animated bunny's ears down for this scene it wouldve made more sense to show his emotion (just my personal opinion)

oh NOOOOOOOOOOO JACK WHERE ARE YOU COME COMFORT YOUR MAN BUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TAT

dude the gentle hand-holding and the slow, solemn ringing of the elf-bells always Got Me when I was younger literally such a good scene

also the animation on this bell is really good

the number of times younger me replayed this sequence of the Frost Sandy i kid you not

'how can i know who i am until i find out who i was' okay first of all, phenomenal voice acting, that line is so heart-wrenching and beautifully delivered *applauds*

and second it is actually a thing that amnesia patients have a lot harder time picturing a 'future' and it has a lot of connotations about memory and such so this is actually a really good line in light of that (im p sure theres been more research about it but i havent gotten that deep into it i just know the thing about the future)

BUNNY COMIN' THROUGH WITH THE SAVE I LOVE MY HOPPY BOYYYYYYYYYY

i love him so much i know how this ends oh my gosh this hurts my heart so bad i cant continue

(i shall)

i love how jack is just. always Having Fun and everyone else is like 😵

THE SNIFFIES!!!! HIS WIGGLY LITOL NOSEEEEEEE!!!! bunny i adore you

broooooooo the things with sophie LOLLLLLLLL

'blood and gums???' ngl im with jackie think ur taking the L on this one Queen

love how bunny's like trying to corall the eggs elsewhere. poor babies. and poor bunny. hes so Stressed like All The Time bro needs an orgasm maybe that'll chill him out (ohhhhh JACKIEEEEEEEE)

'we dont have time! for children!' i LOVE how bunny just kinda Squinted like. a second before he finished like. 'uh. think for a second before you- and he said it. yeap he said it. *BIG sigh* yeah.' LOL

oh NO I LOVE THE LITTLE SNOWFLAKE SEQUENCE!!!! RIGHT ON BUNNY'S CUTE LITTLE NOSE *melts into puddle of JackRabbit loving goo*

okay ill be real bunny saying 'you wanna paint some eggs? yeah?' lived rent free in my head for YEARS. why? nobody knows it would just pop up at random times the voice acting in this movie is SO good i love the cast so much its unreal they all managed to hit every single decibel that makes my bones hum i dont know how it happened it just did this movie was tailor made for me i swear i literally dont know why i love it so much i just do

also the soundtrack slaps

all those Eggs- also remembered that sequence for a strangely long time

i love the Warren. i love Bunny. i Love. *plants a kiss on his sweet fuzzy muzzle but not on his nose cause thats Jack's territory*

also the bit where north waves at sophie- remembered that too. why did this movie just. imprint itself on my consciousness i can literally still quote half of these lines i have not missed a BEAT

'googie' *points* thats not a word

'okay thats little strange' says the one with the psycho elves and murderous deer shut up

'and im bringin' hope with me' i love him so much

oh my gosh my HEART stop its so sweet and peaceful

'not bad' 'not bad yourself' its such a sweet quiet moment between the two of them *wails*

awww theyre finally friends *heart eyes*

bro jackie i love you but settle down. overconfidence is not a good look on you sweetie. or anyone. thats why its called OVERconfidence

'which is why we need you here. with us (me)' UGHHHHHHHHHHH YES BUNNY his first time reaching out to jack why couldnt it have gone well *sobs* jackkkkkkkkkkkkkk

oh my gosh now they have bunny jokes thats so cute

*struggles to get kid on bed* *kid immediately falls off bed* buddy you are not as well-versed in this as you seem to think

*tosses blanket* yea real elegant solution guys

oh, no they followed it up with a sqeakie stuffie. fumble saved.

'we should get back' -_-

oh no this is just blinking heart wrenching

bro listen to baby tooth. PLEASE. (he wont and i know this and it HURTS. suddenly remembering why i stopped rewatching this movie. TAT)

okay no. stop. this is too brutal my HEART.

okay i cant do this im too weak. skipping.

~pls take a break while we fast forward through Agonies Untold. reminder to rest your eyes from your screen, use the bathroom, and drink some water! Mwah!~

oh my gosh i accidentally caught a glimpse of bunny's desperate expression STOP STOP IM ALREADY DEAD *curls into a ball and weeps* okay but WHY did that hit like getting punched in the solar plexus. Not Fair.

oh noooooooooo oh no oh no oh no oh no owwwwwwwwww

and theyre all gone *cries myself a whole forking river and floats away on it*

JAMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU JAMIE SWEEPING IN TO SAVE THIS WHOLE SHOW OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU FR FR NEVER LET ANYONE DIM YOUR SPARKLE SWEETUMS YOURE THE BEST

Jamie's poor friends. cupcakeeeeeeee. oh im gonna cry.

okay the one thing i dont get with this movie is the whole Belief system. like look i dont know about you but i pretty much always vaguely knew santa wasnt real and then when i walked in on my parents stuffing stocking that belief died and no it did not return the next year when i did not happen to see the same thing. it just didnt cause it doesnt work like that. like yea kids are fickle sometimes they dont exactly have long memories but theyre not stupid. and most of all kids require consistency. if you say one thing show them another and then say and show them yet another thing theyre not gonna 'Believe' theyre just gonna be confused. okay i think this is one of those moments where Moss is getting too investing in the tangential details of things and needs to take a step back for everyones sake. golden rule of fiction: Suspend Thine Belief

oh jackie. poor baby. all that and he still cant throw his memories. he just cant let go of that last sliver of- dare i say it?- Hope. *bawls*

fake-az voice with ur fake-az sympathy in ur own words why dont you go suck an egg pitch

'no theyll FEAR both of us. and thats not what i want' *goes BALLISTIC* FORK LITERALLY THE BEST LINE IN THIS MOVIE JACKIE MY BOY MY BABY IM SO PROUD OF YOU literally his Character Development makes me SWOON i love that line so much its literally such a banger stuck with me through all these years i have literally never forgotten it cause it IS it IS it really is its such a different and it means so much and its so true and im so proud of jack for LOOKING at what he wants most and turning away because no. no i may get what i want but itll come at their EXPENSE not their happiness and that not worth it thatll never be worth it and just. OUGH. theres something to be said for kindness and bravery and taking the hard road and making sacrifices you guys there really is there is its the truth. we go through such hard things but KINDNESS and LOVE they seem so juvenile but theyre the only thing that keeps us together because they keep us ALL together

HOW THE STAFF GOES DARK THE MOMENT PITCH GRABS HOLD OF IT FORK THATS SO GOOD TOP TIER VISUALS TOP FORKING TIER

'so BE alone!' FORK that is SUCH a good bad guy line forkkk okay dreamworks went off with that one

ohhhhhhhhh the stafffffff and jack's reaction and the way the angle changes and you can just TELL hes in such paralysing pain and confusion so much so that it even affects US the viewers ohhhhhhhh SO GOOD

the clicker-clack of the staff literally i REMEMBER that sound why is it so satisfying

jack (agonized, depressed, lamenting): pitch was right. i make a mess of everything. baby tooth: doo-dee-doodley-doo-*sneeze* oh, Pocket! Neato!

he had TWO SISTER and a BROTHER oh my gosh im sick IM SICK

oh my gosh his EYES. SO PRETTY. look white-haired blue-eyed jack is A Look but the brown hair and eyes combo slaps too

the look of absolute focus on his face when hes counting down for his sister oh my gosh. bro is NOT going to lose her *cries*

oh that girls got life-long trauma now. yikes.

jack (excited amazed wondering): 'did you- did you see that?' baby tooth (cold crinkly): 'uhhhhh. No. i can squeak enthusiastically for you tho' *squeak squeak squeak*

literally never realized that the reason the little wood sound happened was because jack was trying to put the staff back together wrong. like the pieces didnt fit so you got the crinkly wood sound. but then he lined them up right and it was fine. anyway. this is irrelevant.

YES baby you SLAM those halves of a stick together WHOOO no-one does it like you!!! (always thought he was a dork for that like bro. ur breaking the wood more. stop)

anyway epically cool scene. (the soundtrackkkkkkk) okay moving on.

'none of you can fly?' the way this line was read just. *gnaws on his voice* (except whyyyyy did it make me think of troy bolton? ughhh get that out of my head right now right now right this very instant)

moss: hey. hey pitch. no one likes a braggart. buzz off. and stop standing on peoples globes its rude. pitch: oh but its fine when JACK does it? moss: yea it is. it is fine when jack does it. yea i have double standards. biased and proud of it. binch.

(also rip that poor yeti lolllll)

okay gotta admit the sequence and sounds of pitch snuffing out the last lights was. that was pretty dang good.

dude pitch is SUCH a drama queen fr look at this thousand year old man just tiptapping his way to evil-dom. dweeb.

JAMIEEEEEEEE YOU RUINED HIS EVIL SHOWSTOPPING MOMENT HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU (bursts into cackles)

'you and i are obviously at what they call A Crossroads' LOLLLLLLL jamie you sweet adorable bun HOW did i forget this line i will never do you the injustice again

jack! bro! now is NOT the time for Watching!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE that BUNNY is the first one jack proved the existence of i just- i cant- UGHHHHHHHH

why does a lack of powers make north act like hes drunk

okay the developers/character book/whatever put tooth as having a small crush on jack but thats the biggest bull and i hate it so i fully refuse to acknowledge it. like. she loves teeth. he has nice teeth. shes professional enough to separate personal interest dont tell me shes not and ALSO jack has literally never acted anything special towards her at all why do i not want to see a girl whos legit older and more powerful than the teenage mischief man (who i love with all my heart but is absolutely still just A Dork who likes mcflurries and snowballs) have a crush on him when he's like -10% likely to reciprocate or be able to either even Realize or gently handle her feelings WOW who forking knows not like weve got PLENTIFUL material covering that ALREADY in the world *smiles so fakely the paint on my teeth chip*

'jack. he SEES you.' proud father moment OKAY SHOWS OVER. ITS DONE. EVERYBODY CAN GO HOME NOW *sobs in pillbug form*

jack and jamie are so big brother-little brother coded and obvs thats on purpose but it still gets me (hes so like his little sister im gonna cry)

BUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY (*coos at him liberally but silently cause i dont want a foot to the face*)

jack's reaction tho im in tears. i love how hes not satisfied or laughing or anything, just concerned and worried and UGH my BABIES. theyve come so far. (also the twinkly music LOL)

'NOW somebody sees me. i mean where were you about an hour ago mate' another line that lives rent free in moss' head

the freaking. the skritches. bunny's little foot. i cant. he is still JUST as ready to throw down tho make no mistake (LOLLL)

'he made you believe? in me?' UGHHHHHHH and the little hapy nose wiggle and jack's gentle smile UGHHHHHHHH AND THE TENDER BUDS OF ROMANCE BEGIN TO BLOOM (just ignore me all the goyuu has rotted my brain theres literally nothing left)

off into the fray!!!

you know as far as villains go, pitch IS highly adaptive

aaaaand face-first into the dumpster. smooth, jackie. smooth.

pitch just casually tossing murder into the equation like bro i didnt even know that was ALLOWED this is a kids move chill out youre gonna mess with our PG rating

'i cant tell you how happy it makes me to see you all like this. you look AWFUL' okay admittedly. thats a pretty banger line.

NOT THE 'jack. im scared' UGHHHHHHHHHHH

jack: that's it! thats my Center! jamie: *squint* *confusion intensifies* me: jack. not the time.

LOL FORK i love jamie's surprised little laugh and then like immediately after like, 'oops was i supposed to laugh at that? oh wait santa's laughing too its fine.' LOL

also the way the nightmares look at each other like 'oop thats our Evil Overlord that just got a snowball to the face we didnt go over THAT in Monologue Rehearsal #428 what do we do'

jack u are going to have to pay this city DAMAGES. that ICE babe

oh my gosh not bunny in his little. his Wok. thats so hilarious i cant

'merry Christmas!' 'happy Easter!' 'dont forget to floss!' wow they are. REALLY pushing that Overbearing Mother Agenda in this one huh. hahaha. *grinds my teeth like i have unlimited dental insurance*

the actual girls are pretty good. not tooth, no, but like, with pippa and her nervousness, you can tell she tries so hard to be brave and really loves her friends. and oh. my. gosh. I LOVE CUPCAKE. ngl this girl has my whole entire heart her freaking- her UNICORNS? and her pink and tutu and her floofy nightdress AND her black eyelines and grouchy grumpy attitude and cackling laughter oh my gosh i LOVE her

'I will' 'i will' 'i will' 'i will' 'and me' *bawls*

'i-iii-i'll try' literally? *squishes him* i love you little blond nerd

'i DO believe in you. im just not afraid of you' jamie bennet you have my whole heart i love you so much you precious bean

WHOOOOOO! i remember watching this for the first time this was such a good twist

i love how its little blond nerd whos the most hype about north getting his mojo back. like glasses -> NO, SWORDS

'im just a bunny!' *immediately kicks az* bunny i love you. never die.

'g'day mate' isnt it just

why is bunny so cool. its just not fair.

'lets get 'eeeeeem!' cupcake i want you to know i would follow you into battle any day of the week. Queen.

the elves' freaking. ankle launcher. *laughs so hard i expire*

'wrong roof' ROFL

'theres no place left to hide' jackie. sweetums. admittedly not the best line to use against the literal Boogeyman.

UGH bunny being the first one to jack's defense against pitch here UGHHHHHHHHHHHH

SANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

the hope on the guardians' faces!!!!! the fear on pitch's!!!!!! yea you know when youre beat you dollar-bin emo (too harsh? on emos who shop at dollar stores maybe. nothing against yall, promise)

lol get wrekd pitch

yooooo sandy's lil hattttttt

LOL pitch doing a full bounce in the background FORK

i love sandy. oh i LOVE sandy. WISH he had more screen time.

cupcake tapping a nightmare's nose. UGHHHH the dream sand. the soundtrackkkkkkk. younger me loved this sequence SO much. still do.

there really is just so much wonder in this movie its a celebration of childhood and even if its cliche and not quite the reality for most of us i still love it so much

more headshots. ouch.

bunny just got Bowled Over LOL

okay that is ABSOLUTELY tooth's best scene frfr. i can be a grown up and admit she has a couple good ones even if she kinda rubs me the wrong way. at the very least her character design is absolutely TOPS

personally i feel like what happens with pitch at the ending isnt entirely realistic and also leaves a lot of loose ends but hey its a movie for kids just let them have this one

its fair creepy though *shudders*

THE FORKING ELF WITH THE TRUMPET FORKKKKKK ROFL

okay one thing i will say. this whole thing wouldnt really have been possible without jack? but like the reason they won was cause of jamie but also cause of jacks DIFFERENCES. he could do things the others couldnt BECAUSE he wasnt a guardian and it made him invaluable. and he proved that he was a guardian in his heart no matter what oaths he had taken because he loved fun and mischief and wanted to protect and care for the kids. because he learned to put them before himself. but then like. i kinda feel like the ending kinda undoes all of that? like it was very off-putting and dissatisfying for me when i was younger because i was like. they literally took away the thing that made him special and the Difference that made him able to help them the most and Do The Things they needed; that they couldnt. so they kind of built up this whole 'you can work and do good even outside of the recognized and structured 'right way' and then it was just like but actually hes a part of the same system now haha' and just sort of took it all away and i was just like. what? anyway. whatever. good for jack hes a guardian now its official he cares about people and kids. whee.

and the kids got to watch. thats nice. tho why the eggs were there? ive never really known?

elf #1: *celebratory cheek kiss* elf #2: *did not like that* *punches elf #1's face in* me: LOL (also. GET 'EM ELFY EXERCISE YOUR RIGHTS (your right to Not Be Touched))

bro bunny mellowed SO MUCH over the course of this film. i love that for him. and jack. i love that for him and jack. theyre gonna need SO much patience with each other if theyre gonna stick together in the future but thats kinda a big part of what i love about their dynamic that theyre the kind of people who can bicker and argue a lot but still love each other and be the most vulnerable with each other than anyone else like being able to just fight with someone like that and have faith theyll stay with you and love you and stick around to work things out is. HUGE.

the fireworks were so Extra. completely unecessary. Sandman i love you

i love how forking soft bunny is with sophie oh my gosh their relationship KILLS me *sobbing*

OH THE HUG. OHHHHHHHHHH *SOBS*

the animation when the sleigh takes off UGH they did not have to be that aerodynamically correct and yet THEY WERE go dreamworks POP OFF

that snowflake. the last 'believe it' UGH

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SO GOOD SO GOOD SO GOOD HOW DID I GO SO LONG WITHOUT WATCHING THIS MOVIE NEVER AGAIN I LOVE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOSH NOBODY TOUCH ME PLEASE ILL CRY

~

so anyway thats my *tallies quickly and chokes* SEVENTEEN PAGES worth of cents about this film holy crap

kinda amazed at how much of this movie i could still quote word for word like fr i remembered it so much more clearly than i thought i would.

anyway. yeah. uh, i cared more about this than i thought i would? *eyes the SEVENTEEN PAGES* maybe too much.

it was fun though! so i hope you guys enjoyed yourself as much as i did :) thats all from Moss for now byeeeeee!!!!!!

~

(credit to @strangergraphics for the little snowflake divider isnt it cute!!!!)

[daisyofwaterdeep]

Hi again!🥰 I really like Dammon/Rolan or m!Tav(preferably dragonborn)/Emp, and I do like smut... Maybe you could write something about exploring each other, sensual slow touching?..😌 (I also can write smth for you in return, if you wish😚)

I'm gonna go with the Dammon/Rolan, I haven't played a dragonborn yet or read up on them </3 (and I've had a little idea for the two of the tieflings that's been kicking around since I saw this ask hghghg) (this perhaps isn't as sexy as you had wanted, but my feelings got in the way and it evolved into...this. gomen ;o;) ____ Dammon seems more reserved than usual. He's always so quick to smile, always so eager to help. But now, on this most important day, the tiefling seems reserved, almost skittish. Rolan tries to not let it bother him, but it does. A great deal, in fact.

Rolan ponders the odd behavior as he watches Dammon set out his selection of armor across the table, meticulous as he is with all things. "Don't bother with the chainmail," Rolan comments over Dammon's shoulder, "It will only serve to slow me down. And it chafes something fierce." Dammon looks as if he's going to say something, his tail flicking back in forth and his shoulders tense, but he reluctantly relents and forgoes any heavy armor in his selection. When everything is finally on display, Dammon takes a step to the side, a small, tight smile and an accompanying gesture welcoming Rolan to peruse. "Is this all you have?" Rolan frowns as he comes forward, the four pieces of leather armor not giving him much to look at.

"It is," Dammon wrings his hands in front of himself, watching as Rolan picks up a well worn chest plate and inspects it, "Many been getting ready for the trip, so there's not much left." A weighted silence draws between them before Dammon clears his throat. "So you...Cal and Lia as well..." "Yes," Rolan doesn't wait for him to finish the fumbled question, "We are leaving."

"Yes," Dammon says on a laugh, but it's short and humorless, "Yes of course you are." He shakes his head, as if dislodging a pesky thought, "I suppose if anyone would be able to lead the tieflings to safety, it would be you." Rolan feels an ugly curl of annoyance heat his stomach and knows that his face reflects it. He can understand how impromptu this whole situation is, but sitting idly by isn't going to fix anything. The druids are going to kick them out--that is, if the goblins don't come to slaughter them all first. And yet so many still sit around twiddling their thumbs, as if an answer to their problems will fall miraculously into their laps. The fact that Dammon is amongst this group is a surprise to him. But on top of that, Dammon has the gall to doubt Rolan. It pisses him off. "Speak your mind, Dammon," Rolan sets the armor down and purses his lips as he fights to maintain an even tone, "You obviously have something more you wish to say." Pale blue eyes zip over Rolan's face, fall to the ground, then reluctantly return. Dammon swallows thickly and speaks carefully, slowly, quietly. "I'm just worried. Not just for you, but for all of us." The annoyance building in Rolan's gut fizzles out entirely. There's a tremble in Dammon's voice that makes Rolan ache-- the familiar feeling of uncertainty, of a fear so encompassing that it risks consuming everything if left unchecked.

Rolan takes a quiet moment to rein in the feeling before squaring his shoulders and stepping towards the other tiefling, bringing Dammon's face close to his own. "Come with us," He matches Dammon's low tone, trying to convey some sense of comfort, of confidence, "I'll protect you. I'll protect all of us." Dammon clearly still has more to say, but the words don't come. Instead, warm, calloused hands rest on Rolan's shoulders. The touch is surprising. Rolan and Dammon have always had an amicable sort of relationship-- nods across the grove, light-hearted chats, an undiscussed but not overlooked discount on weapons. Rolan doesn't believe they've ever touched, though, as casual as their companionship has been.

But as those blue eyes look into his own, something seems to click into place for Rolan. There has been something more, hasn't there? Looks that lingered for a beat too long, smiles that turned bashful, tones that could certainly be more than just friendly.

Rolan had been too wrapped up in everything around him that it hadn't occured to him until this very moment.

There's something between them. At some point, Dammon had become his friend. And at some point, those fond feelings had deepened, so naturally and innocuously that Rolan hadn't realized.

Rolan cares for this man. And the heavy, warm feeling of the hands on his shoulders is like a deep, gasping breath, the relief of an ache in his body that he had grown so accustomed to that the pain had stopped registering long ago.

"Dammon," Rolan says it on a soft breath, and it sends a shiver down his spine that tingles into a pleasant heat.

There's a light in Dammon's eyes at that, and those big hands roam down, feeling over the curve of Rolan's chest. Rolan's revelation must be written across his face, because Dammon looks over the moon-- just how long had he waited for Rolan to realize? Far too long, it seems.

There's privacy to consider, and general decorum, but Rolan's been plunged into something so profound that for the first time in his life, he's not worried about appearances. If any of his fellow tieflings are watching his hands grab Dammon's waist, he isn't aware. Nor is he aware of their reactions when he places his forehead against Dammon's, eyes rolling closed as their horns seem to slot perfectly between each other, as if they were made to hold each other close like this.

Two sets of hands roam, over backs, sides, chests, slow and with no purpose other than to feel-- there is an intimacy to it, and though there are warm pulses of arousal that light Rolan's senses, it's not the goal. This gentle exploration is a greeting into their new feelings, wordlessly saying that they are finally, finally on the same page. That the body they are feeling wants to belong to the other-- that it does belong to them, and that it has for a long time.

A distant cry breaks the reverie, however, and Rolan is snapped back to the reality at hand.

"Goblins at the gate!"

There's that ugly fear again, cutting through their shared warmth and collapsing them back into the real world.

But now, Rolan's resolve is able to trample that fear. He's going to protect those important to him-- no matter what it takes.