#sorry if this is long the read more button wouldnt work

[bl4nchetts-lvr]

hi! would you ever be up to writing a fic/drabble based off your lydia tar headcanons? have a great day!

yes! hope you like it.

Lydia Tár smut fic

pairing: Lydia Tar x F!Reader

warnings: smut,lesbian sex,degradation (use of the word "slut"),sub!reader,dom!lydia,usage of a strap,toxic lydia (are we even surprised)

word count: ±1015

(not proof read/ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE,SORRY IN ADVANCE)

it's 23:41..

Lydia is sitting at her desk,working per usual. her pale blue eyes looking down at the papers,her veiny hand holding the black pen which was almost empty from all of the writting.

she hears you walk into the office,your slow footsteps which come closer and closer to the blond,but doesnt bat an eye. she looked at you only when she felt your body weight on her lap.

"can't you see i'm working?" she asks with her usual cold tone of the voice,her face expressionless per usual. but,if you looked closer,you could see the slightest discomfort on the woman's face,she doesn't like being interrupted while working.

you don't say anything,as you gently put the strand of her hair behind her ear which had no piercings,but had a tiny note tattoo behind it. you smiled at her a little.

"when will you be done,honey?" you ask a question,for which you do not get an immediate answer. you're used to it. Lydia is always like this: stoic,cold (even to you) and quiet. all you hear is a slight huff.

in reality,you knew the woman wouldnt be done for a long while,but you just needed her so,so badly. last time you two had sex was.. you can't even remember.

there is something about your wife that makes you want her more and more.. maybe it's the way she sits,manspreading and leaning back on her chair,or maybe it's the way she's dressed: a white button up shirt (which is not even halfway buttoned),her casual pants which hug her waist a little too good,her rolex watch which is concidered used only by "men",the way her collarbones are visible from the open shirt,the collarbones you love to bite and kiss so much whenever you two make love.

you were snapped out of your trance,when you realized that lydia has stopped you from riding her thigh by holding your waist tightly. it made you blush,as you realized you subconsciously started riding your wife.

"not now." you hear her sharp voice.

you were still flustered and embarrassed from this,so you couldn't say much. but the way her eyes were narrowed,her wrinkles on her forehead,under the eyes and near the mouth were showing..you wanted to kiss every one of those wrinkles while she scissors yo-

"can you not look at me so intensely?" you hear her voice yet again,the voice that makes you melt whenever she praises you,or even degrades you. you love her voice. you love her and you want her very,very much.

-------------------------------------------------------

as some time passed by,your constant whinning and begging finally made lydia snap and she looked so angry,but her anger turned you on even more.

you knew she was toxic,but,red is an attractive color,is it not?

you felt yourself being pinned down onto her desk,bent over. your right leg was now on the desk,as your wife grabbed your thigh harshly (it will definitely leave a slight mark).

lydia started taking off your panties,she put your skirt up (or,if you want imagine it being pants which she took off) and startes gently running her middle and index finger through your folds,which were already wet.

"so wet already? what a slut you are,it's amusing,really." she says with slight disgust in her voice,but she loves it. Lydia loves making you so wet,because she knows only she can make you wet.

lydia then uses your natural juices as a lube to push her fingers into you. she knows you love it rough,so,lydia goes all in with one push which leads to you moaning out her name. it feeds into her god complex..knowing that you,her little wife,is getting riled up by her,you moan because of her. she continues penetrating you with her slim and long fingers,as she looks at your face: the way your eyes roll back,the sweat that is slowly coming out and dripping down your forehead.

she then took her fingers out,leaving you feeling all empty,but not for long,because she unbuttons her pants where she had her black stap-on. she then slowly puts it at your entrance and goes in,this time she actually kissed your jaw,your earlobe and whispered praises.

"the pain will go away soon,princess,just take it like a good girl you are." you hear her raspy whisper.

the next thing you feel is lydia's hands on your thighs as she slowly picks up the pace while fucking you. she enjoys the feeling of being the superior one,the way you clench on her strap,the way you moan only for her,the way only she gets to make you feel like this.

"no one will make you feel as good as i do,remember that." she says coldly,as if spitting those harsh words onto your face. but you don't care,she is right,no one will ever make you feel so good. it's always lydia and only her.

as she continues fucking your wet cunt,you can feel the orgasm building up,about to come out. you gasp,which is an indicator (for lydia) that you're close. she grabs your hair in a fist,putting your head up,so she can see every little expression on your face.

"don't you dare to stay quiet,i want to hear you moan,slut." she said.

and that's what you did,you obeyed her yet again. as you felt the knot in your lower abdomen snap,your legs shook slightly and your teary eyes rolled back. you let out a gasp,then a raspy moan,which was followed by a loud moaning out of lydia's name.

she loved it. she had a smirk on her handsome face,as she looked down at you and the way your body reacted to her movements.

After all,lydia is the only one for you,no?

————————————————————————

Hope you like it,Anon,first time writting a smut fic! i'm open to take critisism and will try to get better.

[cloudysarts]

Hi there!!

I want to say that your “Mabel’s muse” Au concept has absolutely called my attention, Bill mentions multiple times (Dipper and Mabel’s guide to mystery and fun and TBOB) how he likes Mabel’s personality and wanted her to be his ally…sooo the idea of an alternative time where he decided to approach her and where she trusts him and considers him as her friend is absolutely full of potential

I just think about how many stuff would change and how bill would be a little more genuine with her as he for once isn’t pretending to be an all-wise being and having to constantly rise the ego of Genius minds…instead he just has to party with a teenager whose idea of fun is quite similar to his…he doesn’t have to be the “supreme being” for once just a silly fella in order to earn Mabel’s trust

Also about how some episodes would have to take a completely different route:

maybe “Mindscapers” wouldn’t even take place…because I doubt that Mabel would trust a Bill if he went inside Stan’s head

Bill possessing her during the “sock opera”episode instead of dipper

Also don’t get me started on “the last Mabelcorn” episode. All the angst and horror that Ford would feel when he finds out about the whole friendship with bill situation reflecting himself on Mabel and probably Dipper being the one who search for the unicorn hair while ford tries to convince her that Bill isn’t trustworthy

I apologize for my rant but I seriously love your idea and sorry if it’s a bit confusing English isn’t my first language

I hope you have a nice day and thank you for reading this silly thing!!

first of all, your english is great!! second of all, i am SO sorry it took me so long to respond to this ask, it just made me so happy that i wanted to take my time to craft a response!!!!!! :DDDD (context: for people who don't know what my 'mabels muse' au is, you can check it out over here!)

you are practically SPOT ON with my ideas for this au!!!!!! but i'm gonna briefly run through all the things you brought up!!

first of all, yes, absolutely!!!! for bill, partner-ing up with mabel was a very nice change of pace. he likes stroking the ego's of genius', just for his own amusement, but he doesnt get the THRILL of just getting to PLAY very often!! he's a very childish being, at the end of the day. he enables mabel's selfishness, while getting to indulge his own, silly passions right alongside her!! and obviously, mabel LOVES being enabled <3 i imagine most of the dreams he gives her would make any normal persons eyes bleed

as for your episode ideas, you're mostly right!!! :) mindscaperers does, in fact, NOT happen in this au. in my head, i imagine gideon trying to summon him, only for an 'I.O.U' to appear where bill should be. he's busy hanging out with his favorite pre-teen!!! so gideon skips straight to his backup plan, aka, gideon rises ^^

for sock opera, i'm still on the fence a little bit. one of the reasons bill is hanging out with her at all in this au is because, unlike in the regular timeline, this bill actively wants stanford to be brought home. the reason mabel is important to him, is because he can see timelines where she presses the button in not what he seems, and keeps him from returning. in his mind, he has the greatest shot of success if mabel doesn't press it. in this au, she doesnt even hesitate to trust stan, because she has another, trustworthy voice in her head, yelling DON'T PRESS THE BUTTON. its 2v1! ANYWAY, the reason any of that matters for sock opera, is because he wouldnt have any need to possess anyone, because he has no interest in smashing the laptop! BUT.....i can see him doing it anyway. i figure, most likely, he gets mabel to (willingly) let him use her body, so that she can work on her sock opera while her body sleeps. i just imagine a bill-possessed mabel up at 3 am, covered in hot glue and googly eyes as he tries to work it out shjdkfhjsdkf. but......honestly, he probably destroys the laptop in the process :) just to fuck with dipper <3 not that dipper ever finds out its her. he has no idea that mabel was ever possessed/has no reason to suspect her, because at this point, he still doesnt think bill is real. that is....until the last mabelcorn.

IN the last mabelcorn, mabel reveals to ford that she does recognize bill, and that he lives in her brain! she says it really excitedly, at the table, while dipper kind of just rolls his eyes about it. to her, its vindicating, because it's the first time anyone has ever acknowledged bills existence. but to ford, its HORRIFYING, because he knows it isn't just a coincidence. he knows he has to do something, but he doesn't know what, right away. this is where our ideas differ a little bit, because i think that mabel still WOULD be the one retrieving the unicorn hair! ford just didnt tell her what the hair was for. ford sends her off, because he wants to brainstorm a way to get him out of her head, preferably without hurting her/her memories. he also plans to bill-proof dippers mind in the process, just in case mabel is too far gone already. the events here happen basically the same (with minor tweaks), but instead of dipper suspecting that ford is evil/bill-possessed, this is where he finally learns that bill is real at all. ford tells him about his backstory, and explains the REAL reason he sent mabel out to get the unicorn hair, etc etc. he loves mabel a lot, but hes not sure how to go about dealing with this situation yet. its not HER fault she trusted bill, but he knew that if he just tries to tell her hes evil, she wont believe him. shes known 'her muse' longer, and as of right now, he's never lead her wrong. just like what happened to him in the past...

i wonder how mabel would feel if she only heard the end of that conversation...

[last-of-the-jaded]

After having willingly given the last month of my life over to MDZS and it’s Live Action counterpart I wanted to compile a list of my favorite aspects of both (including spoilers). Both the original Chinese Novel and it’s stunning 2019 Summer Release counterpart are breathtaking in different manners, but if you are looking for a quick recommendation, I do recommend going for the drama first as it will simplify the further consumption of content if you decide you want to partake in more.

What I love about THE UNTAMED:

The symbolism of the cliff at Nightless City, and how that entire scene marks a clear shift in Wuxian’s mental state as well as the overarching story. Similarly, how in the end it is Wuxian who throws himself off that precipice to sure death. This detail provides a direct comparison between his mental state at this moments and Cheng’s after his core was squashed, while also touching on an unique level of disparity and regret that is unrealized in the novel at this point (considering how this isn’t how Wuxian dies in the written version)

Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo. I’ve made posts about this already so I’ll spare you another essay (Here and Here)

Jiang Cheng’s entire character arc. Seeing him fully fleshed out, utilized, and properly human within the drama made it hard for me to swallow how shallow he often felt on paper, especially in the early chapters. I get that this is partially due to the youth sequences in the book being written completely from Wuxian’s POV, but for me there is something incredibly human and genuine just lacking from the version of Cheng on paper that stood out so gorgeously for me in terms of his drama counterpart. Wang Zhou Cheng did an amazing job bringing out his raw emotion and anger on screen, lines were delivered in a manner that truly solidified this characters growth and vulnerability to me. For such a new actor within his field he did a brilliant job, and is the reason I have so many damn emotions concerning Jiang Cheng’s character arc. (I have a million analysis pieces typed up on my blog if that interests you)

The sequential order for the flashbacks was incredibly easy to consume. It helped to keep events and motivations clear. I understand why the book was able to skip around in a more winding mysterious manner, but from a drama standpoint I massively appreciated being able to consume the events leading up to Wuxian’s demise in consecutive order. The first few episodes were initially extremely confusing to me as a new watcher, and it’s only when the flashbacks hit that the plot-line solidified as well.

The female leads! Yanli, Qing, and Mianmian having larger roles and development was absolutely a plus. Everyone had the same intentions and feel as they did in the original, just more fully fleshed out since they were given time to interact within the world. As a bonus note seeing Madam Yu and hearing her bullshit on screen, said out-loud in the bitchy tone her actress gave her, made her 10X worse and from an antagonist perspective I massively appreciate that they were able to make me despise her so damn much.

Everyone important to the past storyline being involved in the Gusulan Study Sessions under Lan Qiren. This was a simple and effective manner of introducing everyone and having characters feel involved and interactive from the get-go. I was honestly a little disappointed that not everyone was included when I went on to read the novel.

Ning and Wuxian’s interactions early on. Their dynamic in the show was given life, and felt genuine in how it shifted over the course of Wuxian’s trails and misfortune. I love how they included Ning in the early on portions of the series, especially the Caiyi Town waterborn abyss debacle where Wuxian saved his life. It just added more layers to an already intriguing dynamic that plays a massive role overall.

The wolf torture scene. This added a whole new layer to Wuxian’s fear of dogs, while still completing its job of giving Ning and Wuxian a reason to interact and grow. Not to mention the example of Wen Sect Torture Tactics really added to the inhumanity of the sect while sparking our main character’s growth and self-sacrificing nature.

The symbolism behind Yanli’s and Cheng’s dreams. These dream sequences give a glimpse into the heads of two complex character’s and honestly added so much background motivation to their storylines. I loved these details and how much analysis us all as viewers can put into them.

The rain scene. Wuxian telling Wangji he would prefer to die by his hands. The first tears watchers see from an incredibly strong and willful young man who has always appeared stoic. (I cannot express to you enough how sad I was that this scene didn’t take place in the novel)

Wuxian’s mask. I understand logistically why they had to do this from a filming perspective (I mean if you have someone as good looking and Xiao Zhan, damnit you are going to let him look like him as much as you can) but I honestly really enjoyed the smaller details they included to make it work plot-wise. I also appreciate how it was designed as a prop considering it actually altered Wuxian’s features in a manner that made him harder to recognize due to its bulky and carved nature.

The secret underground cave in Cloud Recess under the bathing pool. The whole meeting between Wangxian and the female sect leader. I enjoyed this detail and how they expanded upon it when it came to the burning of their sect home and the survival of their people.

Wangxian’s relationship. Their subtle, trusting, gentle way of showing love. On an additional note I appreciate how it never once felt like I needed to discuss consent with the characters (coughNOVELcough) because everything between them was healthy and playful.

The soundtrack, costuming, and bts. I understand that this was a low budget production (compared to the majority of traditional dramas) and honestly I appreciate what we were given taking that into account. They stayed true to the essence and message of the story. I love the manner in which the costumes became a part of the characters and everyone had a clear style. The soundtrack flowed amazingly well with the scene and tone shifts (this is disregarding how fake their instrument playing looked because I’m still not over how off the finger movements appeared at points). The behind the scenes content on its own could win an award - it made completing the show a million times more satisfying because I do believe that the people working on set had fun (somehow even while filming during the hottest time of the year)

The name of the drama. When you reach that moment when you understand why it is called such - it’s a tale of the rise and fall of Wuxian.

The ending scene. I know it’s not the ‘stereotypical happy ending’ fans wanted, but it perfectly fit the tone and message of the piece as a whole. I love the ending. It felt right.

What I love about MDZS (NOVEL):

The Yi City Arc. It’s worth reading for this part alone. Motivations, logic, and everything just hit so much harder. I do appreciate what the drama gave us, but like, once you’ve tasted this version it’s really hard to go back.

Empathy. In general seeing Wuxian use empathy within the novel just works so much smoother. His little anecdotes and analysis while in stasis reliving ghost’s lives gives it a realism that it’s lacking on camera.

Second Siege of the Burial Mounds. The way the novel sets up this part and actually makes it feel scary with hoard mentality makes it work so much better. It feels like there is a weight to this moment. The waves of corpses are terrifying, and the exhaustion of fighting for hours gives it a level of humanity that makes what Wuxian and Wangji selflessly do stand out even more. Not to mention, the leftovers of the Wen Sect fucked me up. I bawled. This is another detail that I would legitimately read the entire novel over for just to experience.

Wuxian being fucking terrifying at points. Playing with demonic energy and losing control is supposed to be scary. In the novel it honestly felt that way. Seeing him slowly get worse was heartbreaking. Watching how people’s opinions on him skewed, and how he dealt with looks, pressure, and weight on his shoulders, took this arc to a whole new level. The way demons and ghosts flocked to and around him in public added a level of horror that was unsettling and necessary.

Wuxian actually losing control. In the drama they added another flute player to sort of work around Wuxian having to accept the result of his failure. In the novel, there is no such thing -  and I love it. It’s another dowsing to the pain and suffering Wuxian has to accept and learn to overcome.  It makes him coming back a decade later - to live and achieve and get revenge - feel different.

Action scenes and gore. If something is called “The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation” you expect some blood, and damn do I appreciate that the author made stuff have impact. I wish the drama had a bigger budget so they could have done the wounds and cgi more justice.

Wangji rescuing Wuxian after the first raid on yiling, and choosing to suffer together, hated by the world, rather than lose the love of his life. I love the use of the cliff in the drama, especially the imagery of Wangji trying to hold Wei Ying up before ultimately falling, but the route the author took in the novel is so much fucking worse. Like I cannot even imagine the pain Wangji went through.

Lan Xichen opening Wuxian’s oblivious eyes. Best brother ever. This entire scene, leading up to the final battle, is like downing a shot and waiting for it to hit. It deserves a standing ovation.

The details in the Xuanyu of Slaughter cave sequence. Every little tell that Wangji gave - he really did fall in love young.

Mingjue’s corpse. The separated limbs, angry spirit, holding bags, and everything made sense because of description.

Wangji explaining how he got the brand mark over his heart. All of his scars. Fuck. There’s inferring, and then there is having it described to you from the person directly and feeling as your own heart dies.

Lan Zhan’s insane arm strength. This is a detail that deserves recognition.

Wuxian’s inner analysis of Nei Huaisang at the end. This was fully formed and actually had some payoff.

The clear comparisons between Mengyao’s fate and what happened to Wuxian himself. Once again you can infer in the drama, but having it clearly implied in the book hits different because when someone becomes a public pariah it’s easier to go with the public outcry than try and defend them. “Nobody knew with more clarity than Wei WuXian that nobody would care and nobody would believe”

Ning protecting Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng in a manner directly parallel to how he killed the people they cared for.

Jin Ling’s realization about being unable to hate anyone in the end. You feel for this kid. You want to see him grow up well.

The beginning set up chapter. Hearing what happened in the past vaguely through spreading rumors and small talk without seeing it for yourself adds a level of intrigue. It has greater mystery than just seeing the scene play-out and cutting away.

Everything making sense in general with no plot holes. It’s one of those things where in television no matter how well you do, you can’t possibly include all the needed details. With the drama you have to infer a lot, and sometimes you will get it wrong. In the novel it really is just much easier to make sense of. This also included the pacing as well. Timeskips make sense.

Kissing. Smut. Damn, it’s so nice to have actual payoff for the slow burn.

[fairestwriting]

PLEASE DO, MY GAY LIL HEART LOVES WOMEN-

referring to this post

ask and ye shall receive... this is just clothes/hair/acccessories notes. sorry for the brainrot in some of these but.. twst women go brr. also in this by short skirt i mean like miniskirt length, and long is nearing knee length. medium would be a midpoint between the two

also any of yall are free to share your headcanons with me jddjfjdfj i have a thing for character design

riddle: Listen i hate when people draw her with twintails. big pet peeve of mine its not riddle at all. shed have one of these really fancy braided buns, because she wants to look proper -- and for the same reason, her skirt is a bit longer and she wears black tights (we are keeping the heeled shoes tho)

ace: hmm not much should change i dont think? i imagine her looking sort of tomboyish. hair like male ace but maybe just a bit longer, maybe one or two red barettes because she still wants to be cute. short skirt and socks

deuce: "tomboy at heart but shes trying to be a proper lady" kind of look. had short hair in her delinquent days but shes growing it out so its juuust a little shorter than shoulder length. longer skirt but short socks. she rips all the tights she tries so she figured that would be easier

trey: god so shes the one i can never really figure out... i only ever see people drawing her w short hair but im not sure if i like it much the hairstyles they do are often just kinda ugly- i think that kinda works, though, maybe chin length hair for her. as long as her bangs are just a little different from her male counterpart. medium length skirt and under the knee socks.

cater: same hairstyle with the bangs pulled back i think but long hair.. though short would look good on her too! shed be very cute. maybe ties her jacket around her waist and shes definitely a short skirt gal. has painted nails and nice makeup on and her socks are thigh highs or the loose ones.

rest under the cut bc this is mad long-

leona: hnngghh hot lion lady i cant decide if i like her more with short hair or long hair... i can go either way i think. short skirt and she still wears those wack ass sandals. this goes without saying but she has male leonas undone buttons too

ruggie: certified tomboy. same hair as male ruggie pretty much, same rolled up sleeves. she wears a skirt bc its part of the uniform id imagine but if they had like, a shorts option shed take it. shed be a shorts kind of gal. really short socks

jack: shoulder length hair, still fluffy and kinda spiky! maybe up in a sporty ponytail or something. shes still Very buff (read this in a simp voice) and would probably wear pants if they had the option in the uniform. if they dont have that then just... medium skirt i think, but she probably wears some kind of shorts underneath it. short socks and her jacket is tied around her waist more often than not

azul: GOD do i have thoughts about her. i also have a pet peeve regarding her hair i think fem azul would 100% be the type to have long hair instead of just keeping male azuls cut... its chest length and wavy and she keeps most of it pushed over one shoulder. medium skirt, she cares about being proper but still wants to look cute, probably would wear black tights but boy do i wanna see her in thigh highs

jade: hair is a very neat bob, i think! not that much different from her male counterpart, she still keeps the classiness. Obvious tights wearer and any skirt length would work with her, i think. though i cant see her in a very short one because she does care about being proper

floyd: also bobbed hair, except its a huge mess and she would probably pull it into a ponytail whenever shes able to.... short skirt and socks, some undone buttons. rolled up sleeves more often than not.

kalim: hghghghhg i can never decide on what hair id go with for her ~_~ in the end i think long and fluffy would be the most fitting, its about chest length and she does a variety of different styles, sometimes twintails, sometimes ponytails, sometimes she just leaves it the way it is! short skirt and socks, probably even more accessories than her male counterpart + painted nails (that jamil painted for her)

jamil: oh i can only see her being very similar to male jamil. same hairstyle pretty much though i think shed be heavier with the makeup, like her eyeshadow would be a bit darker? keeps the hoodie, medium shirt and short socks just below the knee. she probably looks scarier than her regular counterpart

vil: so we officially are in “similar to their counterpart” territory... i dont think fem vil could even be very different tbh, what sets her apart is that she has actually long hair- maybe past chest length even but she keeps that variety between having her hair up and down that vil has. either medium or long skirts bc she wants to keep it classy, obvious tights wearer. she has acrylic nails she changes every now and then and theyre Sharp. makeup on point always including this really intense red lipstick

rook: continuing our travel through similar territory... same hair, same weird ass hat, very similar in general. i just feel like shed be vaguely masculine too? but not in that “rough” way, or at least thats not how she looks like usually. medium skirt and she keeps the boots so you dont see her socks really. another one that would very much prefer to wear pants. sometimes she has red lipstick on because vil does her makeup every now and then

epel: a tough one tbh! i think she could either have the same haircut as epel, or slightly longer but she keeps it in a slightly messy ponytail. medium skirt, wishes so much they had a pants option. socks are hidden by the boots. shes very cute

idia: HRHRGFHRHHG *TRIES CONTAINING MY BRAINROT* SHE HAS SHORT HAIR AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!!!!! keeps the jacket with short skirt and thigh highs. Does not think shes cute enough to wear a short skirt with thigh highs but all her waifus wear them so she has to. God i love my gamer gilfriend

ortho is just ortho but with little fire pigtails i care her

malleus: hnngh hot fae lady out with the mullet first of all it wouldnt fit her regal energy. she does have very long hair though, like way past chest length, and it does that thing thats like... when some parts are tied at the back and kept together with some sort of pin? That. long skirt and tights, high heels even though she doesnt need them, painted nails and dark eyeshadow. Queen

lilia: ...both lilias look the same and you cant convince me otherwise. if she wears a skirt its very short though and it has something underneath for volume so it looks ruffled and cute. would wear thigh highs too but not always

silver: either short hair or an updo of some kind... im thinking milk braids (different from riddles, you can see the bun in her hair but for silver its just the braids) to keep that royal ish energy. also decently proper, long skirt and alternates between tights and below the knee socks

sebek: i can only visualize her with long hair for some reason. its still very spiky and parted the same way her male counterpart does it, uniform absolutely on point and also mimicking malleus a little with the skirt and tights

[choco-exe]

Hi can I request, haikyuu boys (any of your choices) having a crush on their Classmate (y/n) and they tried to take a stolen picture during class hours. I tried this to my crush and I got caught by my teacher and classmate🙈

genre: fluff type: scenario status: proofread pronouns: gender fluid warnings: none author’s note: ack im sorry for being so late ;-; tumblr decided it would be fun to delete my work D: i hope you enjoy tho!! also e/c is eye color and f/n is friend’s name :>

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𝚔𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚘 . . .  🖉 [𝟹𝟽𝟼 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜]    ✦ alright so you two are in math class    ✦ kuroo got dared (by lev) to try and take a picture of you in class without anyone noticing    ✦ and for some reason he agreed?? eh who knows what goes through his rooster-haired mind   ✦ n e ways he’s just sitting back in his chair because he’s a bored captain since hes already smort enough to know what you were learning   ✦ then the dare popped up into head as he was thinking of volleyball   ✦ he considered not doing it but like you were sleeping peacefully beside him   ✦ so he was like “f it” and whipped out his phone   ✦ little did he know, your friend was watching out for you    ✦ and it just so happened that they glanced at kuroo the moment he snapped a photo of you..

Kuroo felt something kick the back of his chair just as he was about to slip his phone back into his pocket. He glanced behind him, and all color drained from his face as he met your friend’s gaze. “What the hell are you doing, snapping a picture of Y/N?!” They hissed quietly at him. “They’re sleeping, for goodness sake!” “I- it-” The captain couldn’t form proper words to respond. “You aren’t a creep, are you?!” Kuroo managed to put his brain back together. “Of course not! My teammate dared me to-” “And you actually agreed to it?!” They scoffed, their e/c eyes narrowing. “That’s invasion of privacy!” “Well..” The rooster-head struggled to come up with a counterargument. “You’re right, but I’m going to delete the picture after I show my teammates! It’s fine!” “It is certainly not fine, you a-” “Kuroo-san? F/N?” You mumbled, waking up by their heated conversation lord how does the sensei not realize yet “Y/N! Kuroo-san-” Your friend started to say. “YOU TWO IN THE BACK, STOP CHATTING WHILE A LESSON IS GOING ON.” The sensei yelled ah she finally realized “Tell me about it after school..” You said sleepily, nestling your head in your arms once more. Kuroo smirked his significant smirk as he watched you fall back asleep, but let’s just say a certain someone had to hurriedly confess before his crush thought of him as a perv.

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𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚊  . . .  🖉 [𝟺𝟸𝟾 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜]    ✒ ahahaha i bet all of you wouldnt have expected sugamama to be here right?    ✒ let’s not forget that he’s about as chaotic as tanaka, and he would be willing to break a few rules every now and again    ✒ and like you sit right next to the window and the sun just softly illuminating you?? with you looking so focused??    ✒ yeah that just made suga’s heart flutter    ✒ so OBVIOUSLY he had to take a photo to capture one of many moments that he’d forever treasure    ✒ unfortunately for him, you decided to glance at the clock that was to your right..    ✒ ..suga also being to your right You sighed as you chewed on the top of your pen. When will class be over, you thought, bored out of your mind. You glance at the clock, silently cussing when you saw that there was still a long way to go before school was let out, but your eyes were drawn to the male that was sitting right beside you. Sugawara widened his eyes in surprise as you both locked gazes, before your pupils traveled down to the camera in his hands, breaking eye contact. You noticed that his hand was right on button to snap a photo, and somehow, your bored mind managed to put two and two together. You opened your mouth, but before you could say anything, Suga put a finger to his lips. Miraculously, you obeyed his request as he scribbled something down on a note-card and folded it into a small square. He handed it to you and quickly looked away, very obviously trying to stare at anything but you. Curiosity eating away at you, you slowly unfolded the piece of paper. I’m trying my hand at photography, and since you looked absolutely stunning- with the sun kissing your silhouette -I thought I’d try to capture you first :) Your face reddened as you read what the setter wrote. You swiftly wrote a reply and quicky placed it on his desk, and then busied yourself with hiding your face with your hands, embarrassed. Suga flipped the note-card to the other side to see what you wrote. Maybe you should.. you know, take pictures after class ends? You two wrote on the note-card for a bit longer, before you both came to an agreement: since Suga took a picture of you without your permission, he owed you a date at the local cafe i have a soft spot for cafes ;> Turns out this worked in both of you guys’ favor.

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𝚘𝚒𝚔𝚊𝚠𝚊 . . .  🖉 [𝟺𝟷𝟼 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜]    ♔ lets be honest    ♔ crappykawa would absolutely love to flood his camera roll with photos of you    ♔ like even if it’s creepy as hell he would still do it because he adores you that much    ♔ for some inhumane reason you still hadn’t seemed to have not caught on    ♔ maybe its because you’re just super oblivious to what anyone around you does     ♔ like you just don’t care about anything that isn’t a danger to you    ♔ no surprise whatsoever when oikawa started to capture pictures of you in class    ♔ on one unlucky day, though, he just so happened to take out his phone to sneak a picture of your focused expression as the sensei was walking around    ♔ said sensei walked by you two, and it was just unfortunate that this specific sensei was the one with the hawk eye vision.. “What are you doing, Oikawa-san?” The sensei said sternly. Everyone turned to look at the brunette as he gulped, slowly looking up at his sensei. “My phone fell out of my pocket, and it turned on when I was putting it back.” He said with a straight face, although on the inside, he was dying inside. The sensei stretched out his hand. “Let me see your camera roll, please.” “What for, Sensei?” “I need to see if you have taken photos of a student without their permission.” Oikawa nervously gulped again as he took his phone out of his pocket. When he was just about to give it to the sensei, you suddenly spoke up. “Sensei, why would you think Oikawa-kun took pictures of someone?” You asked, tilting your head to the side. “He’s obviously a good student, so wouldn’t it be unusual for him to be doing that?” The sensei sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Y/N-san, thank you for your concern, but just because a student is good doesn’t mean they’re good all the time-” “But it would be strange, would it not?” You replied. “I’m sure Oikawa-kun hasn’t done anything wrong. Besides, you’re wasting precious class time. Shouldn’t we be learning at this very moment?” The setter held his breath in as the sensei considered what you said. “Very well, then. Let’s resume the lesson.” The sensei walked back to the chalkboard and resumed where he left off. Oikawa looked at you gratefully, but you had already looked back down at your schoolwork. He made a mental note to thank you after class got let out.

[myfeetkeepdancing]

Numb | Tom Holland x Male!Reader

Words: 9091

Warnings: Smut and negative thoughts?

A/N: Sit yourself down for this one. This is loooooong! It’s completely different from what I usually write. Still had an absolute blast writing it. 

Check out the request description below!

Requested by: @idwithoutthesuperego​:  Ok, but a fic where tom sells his body for money because he just needed the money and reasons. And male reader's friends buy a "night" with him without telling reader after a bad breakup. But they just click, and MR kinda falls in love n wants to do the "i'm gonna date you and get you out of that life". But tom is just like "i dont believe in people anymore and im destined to die in some alley being used". This is oddly especiffic, but is something i would just love to read about if u can, plz.

Oh, and if you consider being a good soul and wirtting a fic for my ask, PLEASE make a happy ending hahaha My heart wouldnt be able to handle that drama without the happiness

Tears dry up. Eventually. Suppressing the pain. Left with unanswered questions. For weeks they bothered your conscience. Hang around your neck like a millstone. A burden on your soul. Pondering. That’s what you’re left doing. Your day to day life slowing down to a grinding halt. Everything went on auto-pilot. While your mind pondered over every moment of what could have been. What if… And, if I…

 Circling in your mind forever. Sleep didn't come easy. Nor did any desire for anything. Friend and family kept summing up the logical steps of coping. Stages of grief. "It'll pass." Those little sentences stuck with you. “It’ll take time.” Each and everyone kept repeating it. But what value did it have? What lessons could you take from those words? For you are left with an empty house. An empty couch. An empty chair. And an empty place beside you. Alone. Trapped within your own mind.

 Pondering over every thought and every memory.

 That feeling of nothingness. It’s strange at first. You manage to go on with your life. Sleep returns at night. And waking up wasn’t at painful as it was at first. You couldn’t put your finger on it. But it could be described as numbness. Everything went on autopilot. And feelings were shut off. Barricaded behind layers of overthinking and mind-boggling thoughts. No sense of desire anywhere. The impact of a broken relationship was far worse then you imagined.

 Just comfortably numb.

 "This will do you good." Your friend tries to convince you again. Pushing the flyer into your hand. “For a moment, try to think ab-...” The words reach your ear in waves. Disturbed by sounds coming from somewhere close by. Ringing in your ears. Folding open the flyer, you see some sort of menu. You squint again, slightly intoxicated by the last few beers. This wasn’t some ordinary menu, like a Chinese take-out restaurant. You feel your blood boiling. Heart racing in your chest cavity. You peel your eyes from the fat printed letters. “Men of your choosing."

 “Give it a shot." Your friend nudges you against your shoulder. Seeing the fury in your eyes building, as you look up. "I choose this one for you." Pointing to a loosely attached picture. "He looks nice, doesn't he?"

 “Why would you…?" You mumble, shaking your head in disgust. “Get out.” Tossing everything his way. “Just get out…” Pushing yourself up from the couch. Pacing back and forth across the room, before turning into the kitchen. Raking your fingers through your hair. Letting the cold water from the tap, run across your face. Why do people keep meddling in your business? It's exhausting. A sudden burst of rage and anger courses through you, but it ebbs away as quickly as it came. Leaving you feeling defeated and numb again. Falling back into the kitchen chair. Gaze fixated on the moonlight illuminating the scenery in front of you —mind blank.

 Footsteps approach from behind you. You’ve heard the door open and close. You assumed your friend left. But an unknown voice calls to you. "Hey…"

 "You can go." You respond instantly; without looking,  waving him away. "Please." Releasing an unintended long sigh. Sinking deeper into the chair. Your gaze fixated on the endless void in front of you.

 "I can't." The voice says calm and controlled. "I'm booked for the entire night."

 "I don't care." Shrugging your shoulders. "Please just leave me be. Tip yourself on the way out, wallet is in my coat." You just sit there, sulking in your own misery.

 It's quiet for a good moment. You guess he's probably still there. Standing a few feet behind you.

“You’re awfully calm for a situation like this.”

 "Right…" You chuckle to yourself. “Thanks.”

 "Your friend told me." Hearing his footsteps approach instead of fading away, sending you an uneasy feeling down your spine. "It's ok…" You hear him right behind you. “He means well.” Your body jolts up in the chair, as his hands rest upon your shoulders. His hands just rest. Nothing more. Yet you feel every touch of his finger, every point of contact upon your body. A weird sensation. Even more, as his thumbs begin pressing and rolling around the lower part of your neck. Rubbing your skin. Slowly massaging your sore muscles. A sudden involuntary grunt escapes you.  "I know it's difficult."

 "I… I don't know if… I…" You try to shake the thought of it out of your mind. It conflicted deeply within you. Yet, his touch. So simple, yet strangely satisfying. A different kind of emotion began to rise. Something that had been locked away, far and deep.

 "Please…" He says with subtlety and kindness in his voice. And as he moves past you. The man came into view. Your eyes are somehow captivated by first sight. As he sinks down onto his knees. A thin smile cracked his wistful glance. "It's going to be okay."

 He looked so young, yet worn in a way you couldn't put your finger on. A sorrowful face you had never seen. Long, brown curls gracefully tumbled down his head. The contours of his face were absolutely stunningly shaped. The thin lips and sharp jawline. A work of art. A little imperfection on his right brow. Small hairs rebelling against the flow. Yet his face drained with a gaunt stare. The eyes didn't fool you. Set deep into his face. Small and brown, caramel-like of color. They showed little signs of life left in them. Hollow. Like a flame died out long ago. A spark long lost. A view into the past what once used to be. It lost its touch. It’s humanity...

 Yet, somehow you feel magically drawn to those sorrowful and silent features. Most fascinating, almost hypnotizing. The moment of eye contact was unexpected long. His touch sending you back reality.

 With both his hand on your inner thigh, slowly rubbing his way upwards. The touch of his fingers sends shudders through your systems. They felt so warm. You close your eyes for a moment, shielding your crotch. A moment of insecurity. You couldn't do this. This feeling. Your body, its sending signals you haven't felt in ages. "I… I… don't think I'm ready for this, I'm sorry…"  

 “I get that.” He says, while with one hand lifting your chin. You feel his soft fingers on your cheek. The first touch of a man in months. Your heart flutters excitingly.  And before you open your eyes to meet his. His lips tenderly grace yours. For a brief moment, they join each other. Soft as a cushion, and so warm. It happens quickly. But you want it to last forever. As he disconnects, his dark brown eyes stare at you with compassion. "Your body is, though." He smiles thinly, interlacing his fingers with yours. Gently rubbing down onto your growing bulge.

 “W-Wh …” You stutter and try to protest. But your hands pull back slowly, bit by bit.

 He seats himself back on the floor, spreading your legs apart. Positioning himself closer. With care, he begins to remove your belt. Halting at the first button of your pants. "Try to relax."

 You hesitantly look on. As the zipper opens up. Latching both fingers on the band of your underwear, he slowly pulls in down. Removing your pants, revealing your member, semi-hard. Waiting for the action.

 Leaning forward, he tilts his head and slowly begins working. One simple touch and you were gone. This soft, warm tongue, stroking gently along your length. In a matter of seconds, it's standing full mast. Wrapping his fingers along the base, he continues at a slow pace. Meanwhile, your heart was beating like crazy against your ribcage. You're breathing fastened and irregular.

 “W-What’s your name?” You interrupt. His eyes connect with yours as he looks up through his laces. But doesn’t respond. “P-Please…” You whimper softly.

 He stops, holding your length in one hand. “I’m Tom.” Wetting his lips as he watches you struggle. “You doing alright?”

 You nod quickly, struggling to get your words out. Swallowing the lump in your throat. “T-T-T…om”

 But before you manage to utter another word. He brings his tongue in contact with your tip. Keeping eye contact with you. With a few simple licks, slicking it wet with his saliva. The sensation of his tongue working his way round and round your tip was tantalizing. But the sudden, slide of your tip past his lips and down into his mouth was heavenly. Your body tenses up, hip bucking into his grasp. Moaning his name in response. With your hands clamped to the side of the chair, your fingers digging deep into the wood. Turning your knuckles white, the muscles in your arm cramping up as you can't hold up. You shudder from pure bliss. Only a few strokes up and down with his hands combined with his mouth made you groan deeper and deeper.

 Your eyes widen as he suddenly stops. He rises to his feet, keeps his gaze at you, and with both hands lifting the hoodie over his head. And as the hoodie came off, your eyes hunger for every bit of exposed skin you could possibly find. Giving you a glimpse of a well-trained body. A sneak-peek of a six-pack. Broad shoulders, pecks shining through the shirt. Leaving a much revealing, loosely hanging shirt on his figure. But you feel somewhat caught the moment you get eye contact with him again. His expression was painful to watch. You could almost sense his disappointment. His misery. It's only then you realize the shame. The realization hits you that you view him as an object. As lust.

 "It's ok." Seeing his eyes soften before you, followed by a small smile.

 But it's only a split second before he's back at you again. You can't help but peak past his face down into his shirt. Past his collarbone, onto his muscular torso. God…  

 You snap back to reality, feeling his hand reach for yours. Pulling it from your side. "Hold my hair."

 "W-What…?"

 "Fuck my throat." Sliding his mouth over your member again. Slowly picking up pace. "Go on." He gurgles. Keeping eye contact the whole time.

 “Why are you doing this, Tom?” You ask with a slight tone of disappointment. "You seem so out of place." Lifting his face from your member. "Terribly out of place."

 "Please don't (Y/N)." The mention of your name makes you blush.

 "No, Tom. This isn’t right." You point at his shirt. “Let me look at you.”

 "Wha…-" He sighs, hanging his head down in shame. "No, please don't."

 "Tom, I mean no wrong." You couldn’t help yourself. You could foreshadow what was beneath that shirt. Being in that sort of business took its toll. You caught a glimpse of it when he got rid of his hoodie.

 His gaze was stuck to the floor for a moment. Contemplating on his actions. Before taking to his feet. Slow and defeated. Averting your gaze before turning around. With crossed arms, he takes the corners of his shirt. And pulls it over his head. Waiting for your reaction. You swallow the lump in your throat once again. Seeing the small spots of discolored skin on his back. The bruises. Some larger than the other. Some bright red, the others darkened. The words stock in your throat, feeling the tears well in your eyes. The thought of him suffering by the hands of others made you sick. The poor thing.

 You rise to your feet, closing the distance between you and him. Gracing your fingers on the bruises. “Do they… hurt you?” Tracing your fingers down his side. Partly feeling the muscles under your fingers. But the fact that he didn’t answer your question made you more than worried.

 “Promise me one thing, (Y/N)…” He stops your hand from trailing along the side of his figure. Resting his hand on yours. He’s glowing. Warm to the touch. You can’t help but close the distance. Placing your other hand on his hip.

 With a thin smile, he turns around. Your eyes take in every inch, from his pecs to his abs. A breathtaking body stood in front of you. Strong and masculine. But not too big. "God…" You awe. "You're g-gorgeous-..." Your throat falls dry at the sight. You feel flutters deep down. “I… I’m sorry.”

 “It’s okay.”

 Small bruises dotted down his side. Dark from color, pain from long ago. "Tom…" You mutter worryingly. All the time you awed at his body, he averted his eyes. Looking aside. You now understand why. As your eyes sink lower and lower. You spot the bulge in his pants. Impossible to hide. "Are you…" Not finishing your question because of the obvious. The red rushing to his cheeks.

 He still nods in acknowledgment. "I…I… never had this happen before.”

 “Do you…” A finger on your lips silences your words. Stepping very close to you, spotting his watery eyes up close.

"Yes! Yes, I do!" He confessed, with tears welling in the corner of his eyes. Shaking as he struggles to get his words out. "But promise me…that when…” His nostrils flaring. “-This will never work (Y/N)…" Smashing his lips into yours. You didn’t want to listen to his words. None of it. His arms reach around you, pulling you in. Wrapping your own around him, feeling every part of his skin. Pressed tight against him. Ripping the remaining clothes off your body. You just wanted to feel that perfect body. And so did he, roving his hands all over yours.

 Every kiss has a raw intensity. There’s just too much skin and too few hands and tongues to worship it all. Both your bodies collide against each other completely naked. His firm and rigid cock pressing against your skin. It glides through your hand as wet as it can be. Tom jerking you off at the same time. Moans and grunts fill the room. Tom’s member too slippery to even get a hold of. The sight of it makes you weak in the knees. The chair behind you topples over from your vicious play. As you stumble out of the kitchen. Against the doorpost, over the couch. Towards the bedroom.

 Together you fall onto the mattress. Rolling back and forth. An intense play of hands and lips. Dry humping against each other. You both can't get enough of each other. His lips kissing every inch of skin. Forcing his weight onto you, making you lay flat on your back. He arches back, and sensually starts grinding his pelvis onto yours. Rubbing your balls and cock together into a soaking wet mess. He must have done this hundreds of times. It looked so smooth and sensual. Moaning softly as he held both of your members together. With gentle hands, but a firm grasp nonetheless. Thrusting both cocks through his hand. His fingers teasing the ridges along the lengths. Spreading the pre-cum with the pad of his thumb. Looking at his face, he's so concentrated that you once again get caught staring at him.

 Both moaning, the air is thick of pheromones, the smell seeping into your mind. Both wanting it badly. As he locks eyes again, he smoothly reaches round with one hand. He seemed really flexible, propped on his knees. Arching backward as he lifts his ass up, guiding your tip to his entrance. A slight resistance gave way, allowing you to slide far and deep into him. The moment you sheath yourself into him deeper and deeper, you watch on as he shudders. Contorting his face. Both hands cling to your chest. With both his hands resting on your torso, the fingers dig deep and hard into your skin. Feeling his shaking and shuddering throughout your body. He closes his eyes for a moment, moaning your name in pleasure. And sinks further forwards to your chest. Panting heavily. After regaining himself, he adjusts his hands on your shoulder. And locks lips with yours. "Y-You… f-feel amazing." Moaning into the kiss. The praise turning you on immensely. Growing impossibly large inside of him.

 And so he slowly begins grinding his hips back and forth with your shaft deep inside him. Feeling yourself widen him further and further. Tom’s moans become long and raw. Sitting up straight again, he takes one hand and forces your cock deeper into him. Reaching further and deeper. While trying to clench his cheeks around you. Hitting different and deeper spots. The sudden increase in pressure and warmth were becoming too much. Not only for you. You see Tom's mouth fall open, gasping for air, his eyes shut tight from ecstasy. His other hand caresses the skin of his neck.

 Your grunts become shorter and shallow. You’re a lost cause. Your mind is blank, completely lost at the sexual pleasure coursing through your body. Racing towards your climax. Both hands clinging to his hips, but your strength wasn’t helping much.

 Tom could feel it coming. Your balls churn. A pent up force, craving to be released. And all it takes is a look into each other’s eyes for you to fill him up. And before you tip the point of no return. He picks up the pace. Making sure to milk every drop by clenching his cheeks harder on you. A loud gasp follows. Shuddering your body to the very core. Your hands dig deep into the side of his hips. The splashing inside is intense as you cum, spilling all over. And Tom just keeps riding. Until you just turn limb. Gasping out his name.

 "Felt good?" He asks, breathing heavily, watching his chest heave up and down. A smile on his face. You again realize what a beautiful person he was. His body atop of yours, glistening with sweat. And a damn cute smile.

 “Out of this world.” You pant, laying your head to rest on the cushion. “You’re incredible.”

 "Good." Cupping your cheeks with both hands and kissing you. The smile on his face was larger than you'd ever seen. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." You notice a sudden sparkle flaring in his eyes. Something igniting deep within.

 "How about you…?" Eyeing his erection. "You didn't blow your load." Wrapping your arms around his neck. Pulling him towards you for a slow and passionate kiss.

 "Don't you worry, I did enjoy it very much." He smiled. "More then I should." Pushing strands of hair from your forehead. "I was close…" He confesses softly.

 "Then why didn't you keep going?"

 "Because that would hurt you…" He blushed.

 "How?"

 "You can't just keep going if you blow your load. At first, it's really sensitive, but then it becomes increasingly itchy, to a point it feels like it burns. Quite painful."

 You're both lost in each other’s gaze. As he falls beside you, curling up to cuddle. Tom resting on your chest. Your fingers playing with the brown silky smooth curls of his. "What can I do to make you feel good?" You whisper to him.

 "You already did." Pressing a soft kiss on your lips. You can't help but notice the way he smiled. It's wholesome. To the point of a complete cuteness.

 "Tom, I want you to feel good too." Slowly tracing your fingers up and down his spine. "Because that smile suits you."

 "But, I don't want to hurt you (Y/N)." He looks up with a growing expression of worry on his face.

 "It won't, Tom." Cupping his cheek. "I want to feel you."

Through all the glistening sweat and wetness on your bodies. You feel his length grow against your thigh. Yourself following along. "Give it to me, baby…" You whisper close to his ear.

 Tom helps himself on his knees. His member standing fully erect, ready for you. A jolt of excitement shoots through you at the sight. It's been forever since you've been pleasured since your break up. Something you actually look forward to now. So you roll onto your knees. "Wait…" You look back at Tom. "Turn over."

 On your back again, eager and waiting, Tom takes you by the hips. Reeling you in. Positioning himself behind you. And turns you on your side.  “This is most comfortable for you.” Kneading your ass cheeks with gentle hands. Captivated by your hole. “Alright?”

 You can’t help but chuckle at his carefulness. How soft and tenderly he was approaching you. Putting a cushion under your hips. Rearranging the sheets. Therefore receiving a semi frowned questioning look from Tom.

 “Sweety, I know what you’re going to do.” You give him a reassuring smile. “I’m ready.”

 “Trust me, if you do it wrong, it’ll hurt like hell.” Giving you a little kiss. “I wouldn’t want that to happen.” You stare at each other for half a second. You draw a deep breath, dizzy with anticipation.

 He moves one leg aside, revealing your entrance. A little gasp of excitement leaves, as you feel his tip slowly slide at your hole. “Please tell me if it hurts.” He asks. You nod eagerly. His hands grip onto your hips, the pressure on your entrance increasing. You lick your lips and suck in another deep breath.  You stifle a groan as you feel your sphincter grip the head of his cock. You’re legs feel numb. You close your eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling, releasing a silent moan.

 He holds the moment your face contorts even the slightest, waiting for you to adjust. Slowly accepting his length. Every inch he enters you, you hear his grunts become heavier. Your warmth and light wetness guiding him deeper. “Y-You’re tight.” He moans, trying to regain this breath. “Fuck…” Wiping the sweat from his face.

 Your dick is throbbing, there was no other way to describe it. Pressed against the sheets. No stimulation but only the motion of his thrusts. Stimulated by his presence. His looks. His thrusts. You're breathless, staring at his physique. He is masculine, but not too much. So complete. The view of his muscles tensing and relaxing. Utterly mesmerizing to watch. Even as he begins to move back and forth. Sweat breaks out all over your body at the first couple of thrusts. Very slow and lovingly.

 Stretching your further as he goes in. His breathing slow and ragged. He pushed deep. Reaching far inside you. Warming places you didn’t know you had. The feeling of his dick fully inside you was driving you to the point of an unexpected climax already. The rigidness of his cock, rubbing your insides. Making you shudder to your very core while praising his name. Your cock already leaking on the sheets.

 The pressure inside you rising faster than ever before. It’s impossible to think straight, his pace was slow and passionate. Yet, you only feel his cock hitting your insides. You grip your sheets, whimpering uncontrollably. You only manage to utter his name, squirming under his pressure. The cum just starts pouring out of you, uncontrollable amounts soaking the already wet area. Tom follows up with another thrust, making you squirt even further. You moan long and hard, feeling your entire body shudder from the release. “Holy s-shit… Tom.” You sputter.

 As you open your eyes, you watch Tom hunched forward. Panting heavily. Eyes clenched shut. "Tom…?" You ask. He holds his hand up to you. Signaling you to wait. After he regains himself again, he positions himself further above you. You hear his hot ragged breath, tightly hugging his hips against your ass cheeks. Cock buried deep inside you. “F-Fuck, (Y/N)…” He grunts. “That was hot…”

 He takes a moment to gather himself again. You do the same. Catching your breath and calming your senses. You wait for Tom to move again.  Before he does, he starts to pepper your body with wet, hot kisses. Moaning your name softly as he begins to roll his hips.

 Goosebumps shoot across your skin at the mention of your name. A sudden yelp escapes your lips, grabbing his attention immediately. To your surprise, you feel a moist sensation touching your cock. You gaze at your member, while it hardens without touch. Only by a few thrusts from his shaft.

 “Shit…” He grunts as he wraps his fingers around your length. An awkward position, but he manages. Stroking your cock, coated by your own cum, slow and steady. Completely captivated by it. You sense it's turning him on immensely, as you feel him thicken inside you.

 You release a silent moan as your mouth falls open. Feeling his girth stretch you even further. The ridges rubbing you in unexpected ways. After a few strokes, he loses his grip, licking the wetness from his fingers, one by one. You watch as he sucks each of his fingers dry in his mouth. “Fuckin’ hell...” He groans. “That’s really good." Leaning in, he lands his lips on yours. "I'm getting close, baby." He moans into the kiss.

 “Go for it.” You whisper into his ear. Holding him close. “Blow your load for me.” As he picks up pace. Desperate for release. His cock feeling incredibly hard inside you. Swelling even further at the mention of your dirty talk. “Blow it all inside me.”

 He grunts deep and hard into your ear. Rolling his hips faster and faster into you. “C’mon, baby.” You encourage him. Feeling his cock grow inside you. His breathing quickens, as does his momentum. Rutting into you faster than before. Not relentlessly, but with a comfortable pace.

 Already widened and stretched from before, you feel his cock hitting you deep again. Each time he hits your thrust back, hitting that same spot, you feel the sensation ache in your cock. Twitching from pleasure. “R-Right there, Tom.” You gasp again.

 He shoots a look at you, realization hitting him that you’re getting close again. “Keep going.” You moan out loud. Not a moment later, you feel him pulse inside you. With a cry, he thrust once more, deep and hard into you. You lift your ass to meet his thrust, his balls slap against your skin. The splashing inside you as he cums is so intense that you feel it spilling down your cheeks. Your mind goes blank. Watching him pump load after load into you. Your cock twitches, barely holding on. As your insides were coated.

 He just pulls out, like a plug of a bathtub. You gasp of relief, feeling the wetness seep outwards.  Drops of wetness fly from his still erect member as it bounces upward. Giving a quick tug on your legs, so you end on your back again. Spreading your legs.

 You’re out of breath for a moment. Not sure what he was going to do. Watching your own dick spring back into view again. All wet and swollen. With force, he pulls you to the side of the bed and kneels down. His fingers wrap around your member. As he suddenly starts suckling on your balls. It's strange ticklish feeling at first, but combined with his firm grasp on your length, and strokes, it became more than that. Your balls begin to churn. Gripping the sheets around you, your head falls back onto the mattress, overwhelmed by this quick handling.  

 “T-Tom!” You cry out. “God!” You plant both your feet on the mattress. You shut your eyes tight, pressing your head back into the mattress, thrusting your hips into his grasp. But he doesn’t slow down.

 “Tom!�� You burst out, not only in words. Your eyes widen, gasping out loud as he rubs down hard on your shaft. Cum jets from your swollen cock. Stroking you hard, milking every last possible drop.

 It's only hazy from thereon…

 You’re not sure if you passed out, but it felt like you sprayed the ceiling with your load. The next moment you open your eyes, you find Tom cuddled up against you. Just some sheets covering a few parts. “Did I pass out or…?”

 “You didn’t.” He chuckles, looking up at you with a smile on his face. “You dozed off very shortly after. I don’t blame you.” He sniffles while tracing a finger up and down your chest. You wrap your arm around him. Just living in the moment. "I'm so happy, your friend picked me." He whispered to you. That comment stuck with you.

 "Thank you, Tom." Pressing your lips on his forehead, tasting a taint of salt. Picking a few strands of hair from his forehead. Cuddling together in the safe comfort of each other. The sharing of interests you had in common. Followed by simple chatter about the things in life. Making each other laugh. Having a good time. For once, in a very long time, you felt whole again. His smile. His presence, something felt right. Something clicked.

 And it's that sort of thing you just can’t get enough of. Your eyes are glued to him. The heat rising in your system. That flutter in your stomach. It hurts. In a good way. He is everything you ever wanted in a man.

 You love him.

 All cuddled up against each other, it falls to you how sticky everything actually really his. His skin glistening with sweat and wetness.

 “How about we freshen up?” Rustling your fingers through his curls. “Shower is big enough for both of us.”

 “Good idea.” His lips meeting yours in agreement. "I'll gladly join you."

 Being close to together, naked, warm water, and soap. Things get heated again. You don't know how long you been in the shower. And you don't mind. Because for the time, you felt the rush of living again. Being alive. Receiving praise. Kind words whispered into your ear.

No denying that his smile was infectious. A smile that wouldn't disappear, you noticed. Tom was a whole different person to the one that stepped in earlier tonight. Deep down, you could feel that this version of him was the real him. Loving, caring, passionate.

 And no matter how dangerous shower sex was told to be. You did it. And more. Memories burned into your mind forever.

 You take a moment longer to rinse off the sweat and wetness under the steaming hot water. Recollecting those wonderful moments again. Tom already out. You can't seem to shake your smile. This was right. This is how life should be.

 Turning into the bedroom with your towel wrapped around your waist, your smile drops immediately. "Where you going?" He hastily pushes his phone back into his pocket. Tom was already dressed, ready to put on his jacket.

 "I have to go." He mumbled, avoiding your gaze. His smile nowhere to be seen.

 "Please, just stay."  This moment was bound to happen. But you weren’t going to give in. You’ve seen enough people leave through that door. "Stay with me."

 "I… I… can't… I need to go." Checking the time on his phone.

 "You don't have to do this, you know. I can-" But midsentence, you're cut off.

 "Don’t… (Y/N).” His voice skips a beat. You’re pretty sure you could see tears welling in his eyes. You have to fight to keep them back as well. “P-Please…” He stutters, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. “Don’t make this harder than it already is."

 "Tom, it's doesn't have to be this way."

 "I warned you. It can't be helped." He sobbed. An hour ago, the man standing in front of you was majestic, beautiful, and full of life. What remained now was nothing of that. Hunched shoulders and hands stuffed into his pockets. Eyes wet from tears.

 "I'll take a chance."

 "Please, stay out of it. Just leave me be. Forget about me."

 "Oh no, I can't. Not in a million years. I'll get you out whatever shithole you got yourself into." You’re just glad he didn’t walk right out. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to follow him. Something was holding him back.

 "It's not worth it. It can't be fixed."

 "Everything takes time to heal."

 "Not me, not me." He snickers. “I… I need to go.”

 You rush to your drawers, pulling fresh clothes out as fast as you can. "Wait, I'll bring you wherever you're going."

 "You'll get into trouble if they see you."

 "I don't care." You quip while jumping into a pair of pants.

 "But I do!" He cries. “I do!”

 "The feeling is mutual." You growled. With your shoes and jacket on, you interlace fingers with his. Dragging him outside. And as you open the door, the pizza delivery shows up. “P-… Pizza delivery?” The man hesitates, looking at the both of you weirded out. “Here.” You shove a bill of cash into his hands. "Now, go!" He instantly rushes off onto the street. With screeching tires, the little scooter darts back up the road. In a big arch, you toss the pizza inside, cheese, and all flying everywhere before you close the door behind you.

 The car ride was uneasy, to say the least. No music. Only darkness and the rain hitting the windshield. Sometimes a finger, pointing you in the right direction. You appeared mad. To say you weren't was a misconception. But not at him. And what kind of music was even appropriate at that moment? Your mind was conflicted. You could just drive the opposite direction. Away from it all. He would be save.

 Would he?

 You couldn’t judge if you didn’t know where he was living. What if they came after him? That would endanger you as well. No, this required a different approach. This needed planning. God, you were in a state to do anything.

 Breath in, breath out. Calm yourself down.

  Hope.

Was it misplaced hope

?

 Hope for a happy ending.

 But hope is the worst of all evils, for it prolongs the torment of men. Words from an old book. Spoken by wise old men as they say. But in the end, the truth runs from the first to the very last word. How naive could you be? Deep down, you knew this was impossible. His words spoken earlier that evening kept circling in the back of your mind. Yet, you cling to that glimmer of hope. Those words in the shower. Those moments together. This couldn't be it?

 You hoped not.

  “Stop here.” He says. “It’s down that alley.” Pointing to a small flickering light in the distance. You could only get a glimpse as the windscreen wipers came by to clear the pouring rain from your window. You spot the outline of a figure standing there. "Turn around the moment I enter that alley. Don't come near.”  

 “I need your number.” Pulling out your phone. But he had already opened the door. “Tom!” You hissed, leaning over to passenger’s seat. Barely in time to get a hold of his arm. “How can I find you?” The wind and rain washing into the car. You have to blink once or twice to keep the rain out of your eyes. “Tom?!”

 “T-Thank you for tonight, (Y/N).”

 "No! Tom!" Tears welling in the corner of your eyes. Awkwardly constrained by your seatbelt, struggling to get a firm grasp on his hand. "Don't do this!" Your fingers begin to lose their grip on his hand, the rain hitting you relentlessly. This sting of pain. You felt this moment before. Slowly slipping away from your fingers. "Not like this!"

 "I'm so sorry…" And with a tug, he pulls his arm free, slamming the door into your face.

 You scream from the top of your lungs. Tears rolling down your cheek, you fumble with the seatbelt. But it won't open. Tears cloud your vision, anger raging from deep within. Forcing you to watch him run through the rain towards that accursed alley. You let your fury loose on anything in range. Until you're deprived of energy. Resting your forehead against the steering wheel. Watching the tears fall from your cheeks. You lost.

 A knock on your window makes you jump. “G-Hello?” A thick accent calls out to you. Your eyes spot the contours of a man. His face closing in on the window. His features unpleasant to the eye, looking like a common fugitive. Not with the best intention. "You zhould not be ghere.”

 So many things raced through your mind. You could just mash the door against his burly, ugly set face. Giving you an advantage to whatever came next. But… What would you achieve with that?

You nod quickly and steer your car the way you came. Driving around mindlessly. Gaze fixated on the horizon.

 It’s been minutes, hours, and days. They’re as grueling as you could possibly imagine. Tormented by your own thoughts. How could you save Tom? You couldn't admit to yourself that you actually knew nothing. There's only a location. That's all.

 Taking a few days off only makes it worse. Sleep doesn’t come at all. Falling back on drinking makes no difference. It only forces out the anger. Until the tipping point of intoxicating takes over your senses.

 Until your eyes spot the flyer, you’re hands tremble as you gaze on the picture of Tom. In all fairness, there wasn’t even a name mentioned. Only a number, like a damn menu. You scramble for your phone, shaking with nervousness. It takes a moment for the number to connect, until you hear a lady’s voice call out the name of the business.

 “Ehm… Hello, I… want Tom, p-please." You stutter, sweat breaking out across your body. While your fingers play with the edges of the picture. Gaze stuck on the picture of Tom. It remains silent on the other end of the line.

 “He doesn’t work here.” That single comment makes your blood boil. The thought that some filthy businessman groping him was sickening.

 “I meant number 26.”

 “I don’t know either. Anyone else?”

 “JUST GIVE ME FUCKING TOM!” You scream from the top of your lungs. “How hard can it be!”

 "I'm afraid I can't help you, sir." And the line disconnects. You're fumingly mad. Realizing your failure.  Gritting your teeth, you barely able to control yourself. Your thoughts sink deeper, and deeper in desperation. You could pull each and every single hair out of your skull out of frustration. Kicking chairs over and destroying stuff didn't satisfy in any way. Only the pain halted you momentarily. This couldn't be the end. You wouldn't let it end this way. You can't.

 You can’t let him go.

  - - - - -

From around the corner, you watch the alleyway. It’s been days. You thought this through countless times. Overthinking is what they call it. Days on end. If Tom was there, you needed to take a shot. You have to do something. What else is there to live for anyway? That is one way to boost your morale you chuckle to yourself. You take one last sip from the bottle before putting in back in your car. Releasing a hiss as the strong liquor burns its way down your throat. In a weird way, it makes your head clearer. Calms the nerves. Brings peace to your mind. Boosts your confidence. If only for this moment. You double-check the surroundings. Everything's in place.

 With confidence in your step, you lock your car around the corner and make your way down the street. You straighten your collars before sheathing them in the pockets of your jacket.  It takes quite a few steps to get there. The man on the corner of the alleyway can’t help but notice you. Trying casually to walk towards you. And as you approach the man, you notice he’s definitely one size larger than you. It surely wasn't the man that warned you in your car. This one had a more pleasant and kinder look to him. "G-Hey you…" He nods at you. "You ghot businez here?” Speaking with the same Eastern European accent as the other.

 You halt in front of him. Taking a moment to answer him, trying to keep your nerves in check. While looking calm at the same time. “I’m here for this.” Revealing the flyer from your pocket. “Is the manager in?”

 “Da, but why zhould I let you through?”

 You sigh with discontent. Revealing a stack of money from your pocket. "Here." Handing him twenty or so bills. "Don't bother me anymore." And take the gamble by walking past him. You hear a whistle behind you. Just as you are about to turn into the dim-lit alleyway, another man halts you. An impressively large man. You weren’t small either. But he towered over you, by far.

 “Got any on ya?” Surprisingly, this man wasn’t Eastern European looking or sounding at all. Holding your hands up beside you, you shake no. But the man still searches you. Keeping an eye on you at all costs. Mumbling to himself a few things. "Follow me."

 Through the dark passage, you’re led towards a metal door. Only a dim light above it shows the entrance. The rest is barely visible. The man engages the locking mechanism and opens the door. Through a series of corridors and stairs, you get the impression of this operation. A series of rooms, followed by cells. Giving you an inside look of how dilapidated and horrifying the building actually is. Your worst nightmare just becomes a reality. It's beyond belief how Tom managed to survive in these conditions.

 You try to keep your gaze fixated on the man in front of you as you follow him. But you desperately hope to see Tom here somewhere. What if you don't get out of here… alive? You draw a deep breath and focus on what’s next. A sudden halt at a room, makes you jump a little. “In here.” Pointing inward to an older lady behind a desk. "Make your request." He grunts, crossing his arms as several other people in the room watching you enter.

 “How can I help you, sir?” The woman kindly asks you. You recognize her voice from the phone earlier this week.

 “Alright.” You say, unimpressed. “Cut the middleman.” Turning around to the large man. “Bring me to the manager.” His gaze far from friendly. From the corner of your eyes, you see the nearby, you guess guards, take a step closer. Some whispering to each other. As the large man takes a few steps towards you. Ending up so close to you, he’s literally looking down on you. The smell of smoke and sweat hinted at your nostrils. His warm, foul breath fanning onto your hair.

 “Why should we… little one?” He growled demeaningly. Not a smile in sight. “You walk into here with loads of cash, and demand to see the manager. What is so important you have that you need to see the manager?” Crackling his knuckles close to your face. His hands were large, fingers short but fatty. Stained by all kinds of things you rather wouldn’t know about. “For all I know, you were never here, to begin with…”

 “Excellent threat." You sniffle, revealing a stack from your pocket. As you do in the process, you hear guns being cocked. "Here." Stuffing the stack into his pocket. “Problem is, my burly friend…” You gaze up to him, forcing a grin on your face.  “I didn’t wander in here unprepared. You see, If I don’t return within… let’s say… the next two hours-…” Letting the moment sink in. Eyeing the people in the room. Everyone eager listening in on your little conversation. “-shits going down.”  

 “What did you call me?” His hand resting upon your shoulder, leaning down.

 “Do you call the shots for your boss?” You tilt your head slightly. Looking at him with a playful smile. “I don’t think he’ll appreciate the news I have regarding his ratline from Europe.”

 The man looks past you, nodding to the lady behind the desk. Returning his gaze to you.

 "Not willing to take the risk, hmmm?" You joke. Behind your back, you hear several whispers. The eyes of the man shot back and forth between the lady and you. Before pushing you down the hallway again. Again leading you through some corridors, down the staircase. Ending up in a luxurious room.

 Behind a desk sat a figure, so bulbous and fat, you’d never seen anything alike. Gold rings on his meaty fingers. The room decorated in some sort of Russian style. The left wall accommodating a series of monitors. Probably surveillance. But as you keep your eyes longer on the screens, you see the prostitutes. Man and women. You try to keep a straight face. “I heard interesting things about you, young man…” The blob of a man behind the desk mutters.

 “I always thought Russians started with a drink, before doing business.” Keeping a straight face.

 The flesh of its body bounces and flays around as it laughs loudly. Signaling the large man to pour the glasses. He couldn’t even do it himself anymore, his fat little arms limiting his movement. “Nasdrovia!” You both cheer and cling the glasses, chucking the content.

 “Let’s talk business.” The man says with a thick voice.

 "I have intel, concerning the safety of your cargo." You glance over to the guards. "Can we get the room to us.” Looking at the Russian for a confirmation.

 "Give him a minute." He waves at you with his fat fingers. "Continue." The large man that led you here hesitates. Keeping his eyes on you. "Go!" The Russian shouts again, waiting for the door to close.

 You take a deep breath. And focus on the conversation. The details are important. Focus.

“You need to relocate within the next… 24 hours.” Checking your watch. “They’re on to you.”

 “How do you know?” He burst out laughing. “Do you have any evidence? Because my business is at an all-time high. My man and woman are booked like never before. I even have a new shipment comin-”

 "Container #556121 on the SSE Georgia has been snitched." You say with a reassuring tone. "Go ahead. Tell me if I'm wrong." He has a distrusting look on his face, hesitant to believe you. But still goes ahead to unlock his drawer, revealing a sort of book and a laptop.

 Bluff. Neither the name of the ship or the number was anything close to what you were supposed to say. Through all the nerves, you just made something up. You just simply couldn't remember what the police told you. Your heart pounded in your chest. It's now or never. Everything depended on the next few minutes. On that little wire, you were carrying. The strength of your arms. Your will. And above all, the speed of the police. Your fingers tremble as you grab your watch. It's bound to happen at any moment.

 What happened next went so fast. It's all a blur. One distant gunshot set off a chain reaction. You jump over the desk as the door behind you swings open, blood splatters all across. The razor-thin wire detaches from your watch, and you swing it around the neck of the bulbous man. His fat little arms couldn’t reach around. Shielding behind his humongous chair and body, you restrain him. You watch the bullet impacts on the wall near you as the guard curses loudly. The fat man’s arms flap around.  “Tell me about Tom, you fat fuck!” You shout. “I need to know!” Tightening the wire. With your “Where is he!?” Bashing his head from behind. “WHERE IS HE?!”

 The man fights and struggles heavily, barely able to breathe—coughing and desperate for air. The giant oak chair the man sat in, shook and trembled on the floor by the man's panicking movements. Screeching back and forth. His spasming legs hit the desk to the floor. Sending loads of stuff flying. The man points his finger to the guard. “K-K-Kill T…Tom!” He gurgles to the guard. The words reach your ears moments later, processing what the man just said. You panic as the guards suddenly darts off, grabbing his phone.

 “Noooooo!” Storming off towards the door, fueled by rage. Blinded by anger. Falling over several items on the floor. You regain your footing and continue to run towards the door. Turning the corner without a second thought.

 A bright flash. A high pitched noise. A ringing in your ear. A wince of pain, tearing into you, forcing every thought out of your mind, paralyzing your body. Only by a deep groan. Your eyes are blurry, your vision doubles as you stagger on your feet. Trying to blink it away didn’t help. You feel the pain worsen. Deepen. Sharp pain lances at your abdomen. Another flash close by. Jerking your body around.  Excruciating pain. It all happens with such force. It sends you stumbling backward. Your hands reach for the doorpost, trying to remain afoot. Holding on for life. But strength ebbs away. Your limbs feel numb. Fingers shaking, losing its grip. Slumping down to the floor, onto your knees. Everything hurt. Sharp, deep, unstoppable pain. Each exhale of breath stings your insides. Chocking the breath from your lungs. Your vision blurs, slowly turning red—darkness pressing in.

 But it wasn’t your vision turning red. It’s the pool of crimson red blood forming under your hands. Warming your pale, cold hands, oozing from your wounds. Panic hits. You’re short of breath, experiencing extreme difficulty with breathing. The cold gripping you. Your words strangled by the welling of warm blood, filling your throat. “T-Tom…” You manage to bring out in faltering gasps. Draining the last bit of energy left in you. “T...o...m…” Before your arms give in. Your head slamming against the crimson tainted concrete.

 Then silence.

 Silence.

 …

 …

 ...

 Is death near?

 …

 …

 ...

 That ringing noise in your ear. Coming closer.  Your head felt heavy and painful. As you slowly regain consciousness. You blink a couple of times to readjust to the intense light blinding your eyes. After a moment, you notice the light that shines in your eyes are rays of sunlight. Your try uttering a few words. But your throat was as dry as the desert, and rough like sandpaper. Forcing out an awful cough. "Am... I in heaven?" Your voice sounding croaked and harsh. Followed by another coughing fit. Your lungs hurt. A sharp pain lancing in your chest. Contorting your insides. Everything hurts. Each movement you made, your bones and muscles ache in response.

 “Sir?” A calming voice of a woman called to you. “Sir, how are you feeling?”

 “Terrible.” You cough, struggling to breathe. “Where am I?”

 “The hospital.” A young woman in nursery clothing showed up in your field of view. “You’re in good hands.” Everything looked pale white. Painfully white to the eyes. “You’re going to be fine.”

You have difficulty in paying attention to her. Your vision doubles, sound dissipates. She was trying to say something, but you couldn’t follow it.

 “The man that saved you is here.” Shaking your arm. "Sir..." Trying to keep you from passing out. "Look.” Helping you up. Your eyes slowly adjusting to the light, taking in the room. Loads of flowers decorated the space. Accompanied by colorful cards on the wall. “He stayed by your side the moment you came in. We could-"

 Her words fall to deaf ears. You couldn't believe your eyes. Blinking repeatedly. You try to sharpen the image. The tears welling in your eyes, not helping a bit.

 “This is heaven.” You mumble. The woman stops and looks at you. Giggling at your comment. Sitting there beside you, resting his head against the side of your bed. Eyes shut, snoring softly with his coat wrapped around him. "T-To…m…"  You try to say, falling into a terrible cough.  

 He jumps a little in his seat by the touch of the nurse. Rubbing the sleepers from his eyes, taking a moment to gather his bearings. But that moment you make eye contact. “(Y/N)!” He cries out. You can’t believe your eyes.

 “It’s really you.” You cough while trying to sit up. Tears streaming freely down your cheeks. "T-Tom!"

 "I can't believe it!" He snickers. Diving onto you, his arms closing around you, sobbing against your neck. You remain like this for a while. Deep in his embrace. Tears, only tears. But tears of happiness. You couldn’t remember when you experienced those.

 “T-Tom…?” You’re afraid to ask but needed to know. “Is… is it over? Is it done? A-Are you free...?”

  “Yes…” He nods, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Yes, I am. You did it. It's over." Cupping your cheeks with both hands, kissing you like you never been before. Euphoria. Blessed. Relieved. You feel alive.

“I cried myself to sleep that night (Y/N). Thinking I would never see you again.”  

 You nod. "I felt so lost without you." Knowing precisely what he meant. "I was so scared, Tom. I… I… thought I… was d-dying." Your body shakes at the thought and recollection of that moment. "It all… happened-d… and… I… I… m-missed you… so m-m-much." The sobs turn into long wails of emotions running freely.

 "It's ok." His arms reach around you, hugging your fragile body close to him. Letting all the tears flow freely. Crying in each other’s arms. "We’re going to be fine.”

 You hold him close, not ever wanting him to go. Locking eyes with him again. The reality of him beside you was heartwarming. That wonderful smile. It filled you with joy and happiness. But the questions burned at the back of your mind. "The nurse said you were the one who saved me? How…?"

 "I found you..." Enveloping your hands in his, pressing kisses to your cold fingers. "-on the floor." His eyes turn red, the tears running down his cheek. Crying for a moment, before he continues.

"A-A-After I heard the first shots close by, everything went so fast. I... saw guards being shot, and I ran… I knew something was wrong. I heard more shots. And… that’s when I turned the corner… I found you..." He weeps. "One moment you were there…" His blood-red eyes look at you with terror. "-the other I realized you were… close to… d-dying in my arms."

 You can't help but kiss him, hold him close. Comfort him as he wailed softly.

"Poor thing." The tears rolling down your cheek. “It’s going to better from here on out. I promise, Tom. I promise you.”

 "I love you (Y/N)." He whispers. His watery eyes lock with yours. "I love you with all my heart."

[truthbehindthemysteries]

✨Yօʊ'ʀɛ Nօȶ Gօɨռɢ Aռʏաɦɛʀɛ✨

Dhawan!Master x Reader

Summary: Despite traveling through all of time and space with the Doctor's best enemy, you still can't escape the bad along with the good. Lucky for you, you're not alone... even if it is with one of the if not THE most dangerous being in all the cosmos.

Warnings: Angsty Fluff, Sickness and all that comes with that, Blood and Gore / Violence

A/N: This was a requested fic { I am so sorry it is late ; life has gotten busy and ofc wack } about an adventure going wrong near the end for the Reader and the Master showing a side to themselves that no one else see's, not even their old friend/enemy the Doctor."}

We got to go, this place is going to blow. Run!" , the Master said as he grabbed you by the arm and lead you into a sprint. You breathed in and out roughly, heart racing as you followed him, using all the strength you had to push you forward, you both getting as far away from the destruction as you could while being shot at with deadly lasers with equally deadly consequences from them. You and the timelord had gone to the planet Androkeyos after having heard a tip from an anonymous person that the place should be checked out. Something weird going on there involving people going missing, mutations going on from experiments, a rare object at the heart of it all. Now in the thick of it, you two were trying to escape. The people there were dying off and were trying to make their race survive. Gone twisted with desire and frustration, they started experimenting on their own people with dangerous fuels, toxins, and poisons to change them to be able to survive. But now the mutations had gone rogue, too powerful for their own leaders to control, killing them off and threatening other planets if they escaped off their planet and into the stars - wanting to make others like them and kill off the rest who they saw as useless. Ducking behind a pillar, you and the Master stayed quiet, his hand over your mouth and you felt him against your back as he surveyed both your surroundings, waiting for the right moment to start running again, his other hand holding the Securya {the rare object} tight in his grasp now hidden away safely in a pocket. Once the coast was clear, you two began running again. "This way, that corridor, up the stairs, take a left and third door on the right. " he whispered to you, taking your hand and you and him got faster in your speed, eager to get into the room where his Tardis was located. You and him were just about there when more of the Androkeyo mutations came into view, swiftly moving about as they shot at you and the Master. As he fiddled with the door to get it open, you saw a shot coming right towards the Master who had his back turned. Taking the chance to protect him as he often did with you, considering you were so fragile in comparison to him because you're human, you took the shot square in the chest right as the Master grabbed you roughly and pulling you into the Tardis at the same moment. You both could hear the ruckus of the enemies trying to get inside the ship but the timelord was too focused on you. You who had stupidly decided to take a shot that could either mutate or kill you if you didn't have the antidote. In a risk to save his life where he was much more likely to survive it. Pain racked through your body from where the shot originated. You could feel an intense burning shooting from your heart through every nerve in your body. It hurt to breathe and when you moved, you felt shaky. The Master not only felt an intense anger to go outside his ship and slaughter every single one of them on the planet until everything was drenched in blood aside from the fire, ash and smoke and dust. He also however, felt anger and frustration for you. Not surprised as this wasnt the first time you risked your life for him but also that you would put his life over yours when he was far more capable of surviving in comparison to you. Frustration when you didnt have to get shot and there could have been another way. Lucky for you, he had the Securya on him. Had he not found it, things may have gone downhill more than they already have. Seeing the look on his face, you grit out through your teeth as you tried to push him away to no avail, "Just focus on getting us out of here first." to remind him and he growled lowly under his breath, moving towards the console and pressing buttons and pushing the lever to get you both gone. The wheezing of the Tardis started along with the up and down motion of the main part of the console and you did your best to hold on from where you fell in front of the doors from the inside of the ship. Not knowing where you both were as his ship landed, all you could focus on was trying to pull yourself up by your hands. Having instantly heard footsteps coming your way, you would have fallen were it not for the Master catching you with an arm around your waist and pulling you to him. He could sense how bad it was for you and he couldn''t help but be worried. He would scold you later however. "Don't even bother trying to move on your own love, it's just going to be worse on you.", he remarked when you started to protest as he picked you up bridal style and started carrying you into the depths of his ship towards the medical bay. You were known to be rather stubborn when it came to things and you never wanted to be seen as weak. Too bad that when those moments come, trying to act as normal can be taxing and take out of you more. You frowned but slowly nodded as you buried your head in his chest. His arms like a safety net, you held on for as long as you could, not wanting to go anywhere. With him, it felt like home. With him, it felt safe. With him, you felt peace and happiness among all the chaos and the madness. Slightly jostled awake by him demanding you stay awake, you slowly opened your eyes and looked a little around, seeing yourself in the medical bay as the Master gently put you on the gurney table and got to work. Using something clearly alien and advanced tech, he moved it over your body in an up and down motion to get a reading. His jaw tightened as he released a breath, shaking his head. "What is it?" , he looked towards you then away as he continued, "Youre in the beginning stages of mutation. Thats why you're feeling that burning all inside you.. starting from your heart? " , he didnt need you to nod to get that confirmation. The look in your eyes said everything. "Its going from the start of how you live to all throughout your body because that change happens everywhere. It's trying to rewrite you from the inside out. From that, comes the poisons and the toxins, trying to wash out the old..." , he remarked as he got a needle and injection, taking the Securya out his pocket and hooking them both up together and extracting enough of the liquid that was in the rare object. You shivered, whether it was out of shakiness or the needle, you couldn't really tell.You didn't like either possibility.  As he spoke, he also brought out a weird looking thing that you could only assume was a stethescope mixed with a temperature monitor. He came over to you. "You won't be you anymore and you especially wouldnt be if i didnt take that damn rarity.", his voice went steely and scolding to you, a stark contrast from his gentle ministrations towards helping you sit up, the pillow behind your back supporting you up. "Now open your mouth and stay still. When i tell you to take deep breaths, you do so. Ok?", You nod and as he pressed a button, your mouth falls open in what could be considered a cute O face, but minds were not in the gutter, they were out in the open with clarity towards the given situation. Feeling part of the object under your tongue, you two waited a little bit before it popped out your mouth. Right after, the Master replied, "I need you to breathe now Y/N.", he instructed and you did as you were told, breathing deeply in and out a few times until he gave you the go ahead to stop. As he took notice of that and the readings from the temperature, you lied back down, albeit weakly. "You're burning up.. Well over 100 and your heart is pattering away like a hummingbird's wings.", he said as he put the stethoture monitor { ;) } down and came to you with the needle that held the Securyan liquid. You trembled, looking at the size of the needle. Couldn't be too bad right? You clearly dealt with worse on Planet Earth, anywhere else you traveled with the Master in the past and you would give anything to be rid of the pain overwhelming your entire body. By the look on his face towards you out the corner of his eye, you didn't need to express that you were starting to feel more than just burning. It was becoming much more harder to breathe as the Master put pressure on a perfect spot to put the needle in. The other side, he held onto your arm and one hand of yours overlapped his to hold on tight just in case. "This is going to hurt so if you need to, squeeze tight onto my hand.", the timelord told you, voice oozing with not only concentration and seriousness but a tint of worry as well. "Just put the damn thing in and get it over with." , you spit out, your other hand clutching at the table sheets under your back and as you did, he inserted the needle in. Almost instantaneously, the pain became unbearable as you tightened your hold both on the sheets and his hand until your knuckles turned wide. As you struggled slightly from where you lay, he laid his free hand over your chest to hold you down. "Try and stay still Love, this will only get worse if you don't." , You nodded despite the tears pooling out your eyes, vision going blurry and you almost barely felt the needle coming out of you. "Look at me Y/N", and you did so. You saw a flurry of emotions in his eyes, all of the same you have been seeing but more softer. "I know you feel sleepy but it will all be over, i promise. Try and get some rest. I'll be here when you wake.". Vaguely through the pain and the Securyan liquid going through out your body, you felt the burning go into a gentle cooling more as the time passed by BUT as well as the exhaustion, you slowly fluttered your eyes shut after you murmured out an "Okay." As you felt the embrace of sleep overtake you, the last thing you felt before you saw black was the brushing of lips on your forehead. -Sometime later- Opening your eyes, the first thing you saw was the med bay you were in, the Master right by your bed in a chair, eyes immediately turning towards you.The first thing you felt was much better. The pain was still there but the nap must have done you a universe of good if the negatives in your body was more dull and faint. Maybe this was more than one being not limited to the Master, but to overall that you should not over exert yourself and put yourself into things that could be avoided. To essentially 'cool it' and calm down. "How are you feeling?", he inquired and you were just about to turn to him and answered when he cut you off, "No. Scratch that, because i can pick up on everything about you, let alone your body more than anyone else can since i'm who you're around most if not all of the time.", his voice showed how steely and negative feeling he was earlier. Well , still technically and you bit your lip, knowing what was coming. Though it was sort of deserved, you wouldn't feel bad about that decision. You were protecting someone you loved, simple as that. "What the hell were you thinking? You could have die- no , you would have died were it not for me. You're human Y/N and I'm not, did you ever stop to think that maybe i don't need saving?" You frowned at him, equally letting out the frustration and worry and anger you felt. You understood where he was coming from because he was by all means fully able to take care of himself in anyway but if it werent for obvious moments in the past where even he was bested. You think he would know that not even he himself is truly invincible. "If you didn't need me, let alone anyone to save you, then you wouldn't have gotten into situations that required anyone to be your hero Master. Yes, you're a timelord but that doesn't make you inescapable to pain or death, you know that!" "I don't need you to save me Y/N. I'm not some damsel in distress that needs someone over his back and shoulder looking out for him." You reeled back from that, quiet for a few moments as he stared you down, trying to get you to see where he was coming from just as you were on your own end towards him. You never treated him like a child, you fully knew well enough that you're not him mother. Especially with how you feel towards him , how dare he insinuate that when it wasn't true. "You see it from your end and you try to make a point but you're not even considering where i was coming from it. You are the farthest thing from a child to me." Your voice broke as you tried to stand, being able to on your own now without the timelord's help. "Really, then what am I to you huh? , because from where i stand, you're a coward not admitting what you feel when it's obvious through your words and actions." Was he really that thick? Maybe not because by his words, he clearly knew and was hinting it to you just to get you to finally let it out. He is a stone cold brilliant genius as once said by his frenemy, the Doctor. Blood boiling over but in a mix of frustration and affection, you shouted, "I love you, you damn bastard. Why else do you think i risk my life for you, why i travel with you and chose you over the Doctor? Why do you think that i would clearly put myself into a position to get sick and infected, even die for you?!" By this point, he was within a few centimeters of your face, You continued before he could. Your voice softer now, "When you love someone, you don't walk away. When it's real, you dont walk away.. you run towards. You go through the good and the bad together. Yes, i'm going to suffer in sickness from a mistake, as you put it, that i made. I love you Master and maybe to others, that would be stupid and idiotic, dangerous and insane. But I care, so sue me for caring. Sue me for giving a da-" Hands pull you forward by the elbows and lips collide against yours. Cut off from speech, you gasp into the kiss he gives. It's all lips in a guided tango of love and passion, release of feelings and the frustrations starting to subside on both ends. You clutch on tightly to his collarbones, fisting the top of his waistcoat in your hands, moving your lips in synch with his. A sense of relief that you got the antidote, that you and him talked and expressed, that while you would be sick as an after effect of the mutation poison and the dose of Securyan to heal you, you would get better. You were with the Master, safe inside his ship. You were h o m e. Pulling apart, he rested his forehead against yours. Breath's mingling and getting breath's back, he spoke quietly to you. As if you two were the only ones inside the universe, let alone his ship which of course was true considering he didn't let anyone else in, unless it were the Doctor. You chuckled inwardly at the thought. He was your very own right now. "Just promise me, please. You have to take better care for yourself. You're worth so much more than an ending like that." He said. You wrapped your arms around him, despite the dull pain, coming of the sickness while at the same time being fought off to heal. "Don't want to get rid of me huh?", you teased lightly before biting your lip, starting to feel nauseous. Sensing it, he helped lead you to a nearby toilet, holding your hair back as you released your stomach of it's contents. "Oh love... you're not going anywhere if i have anything to say and do about it." ------------ The next week or two was more or so the same. Essentially confined to the ship because further adventuring while you were healing would prolong the process of you getting better. You would have a bruise where the shot had hit you, you would throw up occasionally, even with blood {which died down and stopped when you got another Securyan dose as needed.} , weak and dizzyness, even a back and forth of a stuffy nose and a runny one, a sore throat. Each in time became duller and then faint, followed by going away completely, even your breathing got better to the way it was before you got shot and sick. You chuckled as you got dressed for the day in your's and the Master's bedroom on the Tardis, the old girl fiercely protective and .loving/etc towards the both of you, especially him but you for how you are with him and how you are with her, the ship. You thought over some moments, now that you're in the third week. At the start of this third you had starting getting better to tip top shape. Now you just wanted to tell the Master. A smile comes to your face as you thought of moments before. No matter how gross of color and consistency the vomit was, added addition of blood occasionally. No matter how sick you got in different ways, he was there every step of the way now that you both had an understanding, especially more so than before. No matter how many times you fought him due to stubborness to see if you got your strength back or out of frustration of trying to get things done yourself out of not wanting to be seen as weak or an invalid. No matter how much you bleed, he took every bruise and hit and grossness and gore you tried to inflict on him because he knew that you didnt regret your decision persay but that you felt guilt at not taking things into account that you should have with him. He knew that it meant nothing too really, when you always apologized to him after. Sometimes we all need someone, even if we don't want to admit it to anyone , let alone ourselves. Coming out of your shared bedroom, you moved through the halls and corridors, the ship with ease, leading you to where the Master was, in the kitchen. You leaned against the door way, smiling at him as he seemed to be making breakfast. How charming. You almost would have moaned of how delicious he makes things but you wanted to surprise him. You didn't know how good this might go since he so quickly got onto things, especially with you but still, let you have some fun. In an instant, you jumped on his back, legs wrapping around his waist, hands at his shoulders and you whispered into his ear "Gotcha.", before you kissed his cheek and moved to jump off. "Now that was very rude Y/N", he remarked, instantly turning you around so that you were both on the floor, the wind out of you as he leaned over top of you, eyes burning into yours with happiness, amusement and mischief. You felt a mixer of eggs, herbs and cheese around your body as well as floor and the sweet exotic smell of something you couldn't identify. You wondered what it was. You giggled, looking up at him, seeing crumbles of buttered bread in his hair and little sausage links on the ground. Even when looking a mess, he still looked beautiful but with that expression, made it all the more funny. "Feeling better i see to cause a ruckus as usual." You smirked , "I can't help myself, you make it so easy." "Even when you're at my mercy now, underneath me with my body on top of yours?" , he hinted, his voice taking a coy tone. You narrowed your eyes, seeing what he was planning, "No.  you better not, i sw-" , you tried to get away, kicking out from underneath him to try and get him and move away but he caught you just as you moved to get up, sending you back down to the ground. "Master, come on!", you squealed as his hands trailed all over your body, sending you into a fit of laughter as he tickled you everywhere, his grin on his face knowing he won. At some point he stopped, he turned your face to his with a hand cupping your face. "Feeling better i see. You ruined the breakfast i made for us. What are you going to do about that?" , he threw at you as he hovered over you. "I don't know, i think you might have to just deal with the mess... I'm kidding, im kidding!", you laughed as he moved to tickle you again. "I'll help you clean it up and remake it, how about that?" "Sounds like a deal Love.", he remarked, helping you stand and you returned his mischievous smile before following through with getting the kitchen cleaned up as well as you two and then making the breakfast. Who knew that suffering from danger would lead to such an outcome? There was no where else you would rather be and as you shared a look with him, enjoying the start of another day together, you knew he felt the same.

[staysuki]

aaaaaa i finally read EHALOJ aaaaaa puchaaaaaaa

seungmin had those pogi typings going on lmao i love it v much huhu he was really an ass at the start but i still could bring myself to hate him 👁💧👄💧👁 idk if its automatic bc hes my bias or wut xd

moving on i honestly dont know who to ship y/n with :”> im debating on hyunjin and lee know. and yeji my queen uGh 🤨☹️😠😐 but whatever, INTEOTW yeji has my full heart. hyunjin is oblivious af but i still cant say much since i wouldnt really also believe if someone dearly close to me is a bitch irl even if the signs are 13628 inch by 28251 inch big, colored red with christmas lights.

aaaaa lee know and y/n has those history going on tHat makes me kilig ehe ehe but the typical and cliche ‘main character changed bad boy’ is 🥵 BTCH IDK WHO TO 🚢 ANYMORE 😠 sorry felix but ur bromance with jisung is more than fine already.

anyways the focus is BARELY on seungmin but i keep thinking about him ugh ✨ biaz tingz ✨ thankfully your seungmin smau already started xd

omg you re so good at antagonising people wtf 🤩 like literally all your works have the most detestable characters bc of how hurtful and toxic their dialogue sounds 😎 ur so very super duper amazing x9999 at writing, believe me 😭 you always incorporate the right amount of crack and dark thrilling shit in your stories uWu

BTW I THINK the dates. chapter link is broken on the masterlist and the next button on ch 19. i accidentally skipped ch 20 but thankfully i noticed it bc i got confused since lee know stated on ch 21 that y/n didnt answer him when he asked her on a date wHEN i didnt read anything abt him making a move. i got to the dates. chapter, ch 20, by clicking previous on chapter 21 though. hOPEFULLY U GOT WHAT I EXPLAINED 😭

im soooo excited for the next chapters huhu you did so well like di ako mapakali aYAN GANDANG GANDA AKO NAPA TAGALOG 💀 rly good job 👏

so i checked the playlist you shared and all the songs there are exactly my vibes 😭 they are the singers i listen to and i agree 100% that it hits home. OMG ZACKS VOICE IN BINIBINI SOUNDS SOOO SIMILAR TO HYUNJIN SHXHWHXHWHDHWHS IDK WHY BUT I THOUGHT ABT IT AND I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD HUHUHU 😭😭😭😭

huhuhu neways its 11 pm here, i might read a few more fics before heading to bed. hows ur day btw?

- bs

uy omg ok 👁

POGI TYPINGS PLS 💀. true, we can never hate seungmin 😤.

and yes hehe, the ships are ALL OVER THE PLACE one’s going to antartica while one’s going to florida or smth idk. but my goal is to just pull on everyone’s strings with that one since i don’t really plan to focus on the romance that much, it’s really more of a slice of life story with shitty people in the mix or smth. but there wILL be an endgoal boy. the key is that even i don’t know who it is 🥴❓ makes it more unpredictable, no? but it probably won’t be until long. i plan on focusing on every character and give them beautiful developments so that’s how many arcs(?) 😀, probs overambitious here but i’m excited to try and make a longer smau after rushing my previous ones + i have a lot of notes for EHALOJ from when i started planning it a long time ago so i already have a basis for season 2 once i start it in the VERY DISTANT FUTURE.

i made INTEOTW yeji the way she is to make up for the fact that she’s one of the antagonists in this story :,). that’s kind of like my own pattern, i want balance. also hyunjin being gaslit by his own sister 😔💔💔💔.

minho ship looking promising for you huh 🥴. felix kinda came out of left field but isn’t he such a cutie. literally everyone’s rooting for yongbokie but i don’t blame em, he’s not like INTEOTW felix huhu.

SECRETARY KIM is a busy man 😤 let him do his job. kim seungmin smau is indeed out and it’s a new character trope!! no more tsundere, confident, and/or snarky seungmin 😌 i’m moving out of the stereotypes here.

and also thank you!!! that means a lot. ngl, i feel like i overdo it(??) like, i want villains to be “real people” and not outright “people made to be villains” ifykwim, i don’t want them to be hated because “hey i’m obviously a shitty person!!!” but because they’re complex and not some 2d bond villain. but idk, maybe i didn’t really have a choice with EHALOJ yeji because SHE IS just like that 🤔. hyunjin is in mental turmoil even. probably my favorite “antagonist” moment would have to be dark seungmin in the earliest chapters. but thank you for the compliments, i love writing dialogue, even my editor irl (for my non-tumblr works) always compliments my dialogue dynamic writing so that’s why i stuck to smaus, it’s just dialogue all the time 🤪. i was a bit afraid the EHALOJ might be a bit too dark to garner any attention (bc nobody wants to see their faves antagonized, valid) but i’m glad i took the risk, it was hard to get through but it’s honestly one of my hate-favorite works and i’m glad others seem to enjoy the twists and turns too despite the obvious lack of focus in the romance.

AND YES I FIXED THE LINKS. SOMEBODY ELSE POINTED IT OUT. HOW EMBARRASSING. MY QUALITY CONTROL IS GETTING BAD 😭💔

and tHANK YOU huhu, i swear it’s finished na, just all queued up hehe, not gonna dump it no no no 👆👇👆, i will follow a fixed schedule of uploading every three days. i think there’s five chapters left in the good ol basement. one of my irks too is that i don’t want smau chapters to be released in succession bc i don’t want people to just see smaus when they scroll through my feed so like, if i already have a lot of buffer posts in between like asks or self updates then i might update early. if not, then imma post other randoms in between.

HWANG HYUNJIN AS FRAT BOY NA TAGA BGC SUPERIORITY. medyo napa 🤨🤨🤨 ako sa exbattallion, that group is such a meme (i remember when socmed was tRASHING pauwi nako for being cringe) but i just respect the vibes and listened to everything 😤. AND SEEEEEEEE. THEIR VOICES ARE SIMILAR OMFG I CANNOT.

my day went great! celebrated my mom’s birthday. out to get tattoos once again. hope you have a good sleep, i’ll always be making fics for you to read 😌♥️ how’s ur day.

[adavenhaikyuu]

If The World Could Stand Still

Summary: 

Painfully familiar green eyes stared at him from across the hall. For a moment, Oikawa felt like he was dreaming, like one of those nightmares that’d leave him waking up in a cold sweat even as he mourned losing them to the daylight. Why was Iwaizumi here? And why did he have to be Oikawa’s new roommate?

“Hi, I’m Daichi,” the words broke him out of the green-eyed spell he’d been under, Iwaizumi looking away.

“Iwaizumi,” he bowed his head in greeting, eyes sliding back to a still frozen Oikawa. Daichi shifted next to him, shoulder gently bumping into his. “Do you two know each other?”

“We’re childhood best-”

“Yeah, we used to live near each other,” Oikawa cut Iwaizumi off, ignoring the frown his words earned. It wasn’t a lie and it’d been too long for them to still consider each other their best friend. Even if Oikawa’s heart ached at the thought.

Pairing: Iwaizumi/Oikawa

Chapters: 1/~

Word Count: 2238

Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28072911/chapters/68776866#workskin 

“Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you meet again. And meeting again, after moments or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends.” - Richard Bach

*************************

“Iwa-chan?”

“Yeah, Tooru?”

“Why does the sun have to rise?”

*************************

Rain drizzled from a dreary sky, splattering against the foggy window panes. Oikawa’s head lolled against the slightly chilled glass, his eyes flickering open as the last tendrils of sleep slipped away. A fuzzy haze still clouded his mind, the hour-long bus nap not nearly enough to make up for two sleepless nights. He groaned and pushed himself upright, shuffling his feet until they hit the duffle bag on the ground.

It wasn’t like he’d meant to stay up for so long. How could he have known a new hero would move into town? And the bastard had been such a pain too…

Oikawa huffed and pulled out his phone, swiping through the series of texts and social media updates in his notification bar. Clicking on the one from Kuroo, Oikawa leaned his head back against the glass, ignoring the way his ribs ached.

[Kuroo:] Sure ya dont need me to come today? You took a beating last night so I wouldnt mind helping you move your stuff in

[Oikawa:] I know better than to let your mangey paws get on my stuff

[Oikawa:] I lost two hats last time! Two!

[Kuroo:] You said you didnt like them!? I was helping, you cant still be mad

[Oikawa:] I can and am.

Snapping the phone closed, Oikawa let his eyes slip shut. That alley cat was dumber than he looked if he thought Oikawa would fall for that trick again. They’d been partners in crime for too long for it to still work. Besides, it wasn’t like Kuroo had gotten away from their encounter with Anzen, or whatever he was called, injury-free.

The damn bastard had already joined up with another hero when he'd confronted their infamous selves in a jewelry shop, ruining two weeks' worth of planning and leaving them both roughed up. The whole incident was made worse because half his injuries were a result of Oikawa getting distracted by how hot the new hero was. It wasn’t fair!

The bus squealed to a stop, ending any hopes he had of getting more rest. It was a good thing he’d already lost his roommate for the semester so he could crash after getting all his stuff in the dorm. The school had attempted to make him room with someone, something he highly opposed.

Oikawa didn’t want anyone else sharing his space, especially not the rando the university initially tried to stick him with. One text conversation with the guy and Oikawa was convinced he’d only ever used three-in-one shampoo and body wash. That wasn’t the sort of environment Oikawa needed to be living in, it’d be bad for his skin.

Plus having a roommate wasn’t exactly conducive to keeping his nightly escapades a secret.

Convincing his no-longer roommate to request a room switch had been child’s play compared to what he usually convinced people to do. The next two roommates the university had tried to throw at him had been similarly dealt with. Thankfully, they’d stopped trying after the third person requested out within the month since room assignments were sent out.

Oikawa had already sent most of his items to the dorm and he hefted the one duffle bag he’d brought with him as he stood, waiting his turn to exit the bus. Fresh air from the open doors swirled around him, clearing the mild ache in his head as he breathed in the damp wind. Slipping into the aisle, Oikawa held his duffle close and shuffled off the bus.

Rain dripped onto his head and a shiver passed up his spine at the chill. It was far colder than it should be for the end of summer. Looking up, Oikawa narrowed his eyes and breathed out, daring any more rain to fall on his perfectly styled hair.

Naturally, the rain obeyed.

Campus bustled with activity despite the rain. Students huddled under umbrellas with maps while their mom hovered over their shoulders and their dad held the boxes, slowly getting soaked. He grinned at the girls he passed, catching their reddening faces as he threw them a wink and a wave before carrying on toward his dorm. It never hurt to start the fan club early. The suspicious glares from their fathers made it all the funnier. One last bit of family drama before the child and parent parted ways.

Coming to a stop outside his new home, Oikawa fished out his phone. Throwing up a peace sign, he smiled and snapped a photo. It needed a filter, but it’d work for today’s Insta post. Typing up a quick caption, Oikawa posted the photo and re-pocketed his phone as he turned back to the stairs.

A shoulder knocked into him and Oikawa stumbled forward, hissing as it jostled his bruised side but catching himself before he could hit the stairs. The other guy wasn’t so lucky. Books tumbled out of the box he’d been carrying and spilled onto the wet stairs.

“Sorry!” The other guy said, already scrambling to pick up his fallen items. Rain continued to fall on the books, soaking into their pages despite the guy’s best efforts. Crouching down, Oikawa picked up the books nearest him and let the faint breeze dancing around him ruffle the damp pages.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” the guy said, coming to a stop in front of Oikawa. He was kneeling on the wet pavement (wasn’t he worried about his pants?) with his unboxed books filling his arms, not an umbrella in sight. Water dripped off his dark brown hair into his matching brown eyes making him look quite similar to the many dads he’d passed on his way here. Instead of handing the books back, Oikawa took a few more off the precarious pile, earning him a confused look which he repaid with a dazzling smile as he stood.

“Need some help?” he asked as the other guy also got to his feet.

“Yeah, thanks. I’m Daichi,” the guy bobbed his head in greeting, his own smile lighting up his face. Oikawa tilted his head, eyes taking in the rest of the fairly plain-looking guy.

“Oikawa.”

“Thanks, Oikawa, but I can take it from here." He gestured to the books Oikawa was holding. Glancing down at the wet cardboard box on the ground, he raised a brow. He really doubted the guy could handle it all. Well, his mother had always said one good deed would be repaid with another.

"I'm on the top floor anyway, so I can carry them if you want," he shrugged and readjusted the books so they were easier to hold. Daichi's eyes widened.

"That's where I'm going too. Maybe we'll live near each other," Daichi grinned and started up the stairs again in lieu of accepting his offer, Oikawa trailing behind him. A drop of rain hit his shoulder, an icy shiver crawling across his skin. Breathing out, Oikawa let a few more drops of rain fall on his clothes, a warm breeze dancing around him to keep out the chill.

He couldn't exactly walk in completely dry, could he? That’d be suspicious now that someone was paying attention to him. He already regretted offering to help.

The rain still didn't dare touch his hair.

“So what’s your major?” Daichi asked as they entered the lobby and made for the elevator. Pushing the button, Oikawa leaned against the wall and shrugged.

“History, you?” It’d been his best subject in high school, something Kuroo always complained about, and it gave him plenty of time to dedicate to research without people getting suspicious about what he was looking up. Plus, it didn’t require a lot of math classes. Even thinking about that subject made Oikawa shiver.

“Biology, I want to get into Vet school in a few years,” he smiled and Oikawa realized many of the books they were holding had to do with animal anatomy. Maybe he could convince Daichi to get him some medical supplies. That might make getting his jacket wet worth it.

The elevator dinged and slid open, both of them shuffling inside along with three other students, pushing Oikawa to the back corner near the window. He watched as the ground slowly fell away, the elevator bringing them higher and higher. They stopped two times before reaching the seventh floor, Daichi and Oikawa stepping out into their new shared hall.

“What’s your room number?” Oikawa asked. Daichi fumbled for his key, nearly losing several books off the stack.

“Seven-twenty-nine,” He said, reading off the tag attached to the key and straightening out the pile. Oikawa’s eyes widened.

“I’m seven-thirty,” they wouldn’t be suitemates he noticed while walking down the hall, odds and evens were on opposite sides, but they’d still be across-the-way neighbors. What a coincidence.

Their rooms were at the far end of the hall next to the smallest of the three study/recreation rooms on this floor. Oikawa recognized his boxes piled next to the end door on the right. A door that was suspiciously open.

Kuroo wasn’t moving in until tomorrow and he hadn’t told the alley cat his room number. He could have asked someone for help figuring it out but something in his gut told Oikawa it wasn’t Kuroo he could faintly hear moving around in the room.

Had the University really given him another roommate? So much for good karma after helping Daichi.

“Looks like your roommate is already here,” Daichi commented. Oikawa hummed and set the books down next to Daichi’s door. Readjusting the strap of his duffle bag, Oikawa whirled around and came face to face with the absolute last person he’d ever expected to see again.

*************************

“What do you mean?”

“Why does the sun have to rise? Why can’t we stay out under the stars forever?”

“Aren’t you afraid of the dark?”

*************************

Painfully familiar green eyes stared at him from across the hall. For a moment, Oikawa felt like he was dreaming, like one of those nightmares that’d leave him waking up in a cold sweat even as he mourned losing them to the daylight. Why was Iwaizumi here? And why did he have to be Oikawa’s new roommate?

“Hi, I’m Daichi,” the words broke him out of the green-eyed spell he’d been under, Iwazumi looking away.

“Iwaizumi,” he bowed his head in greeting, eyes sliding back to a still frozen Oikawa. Daichi shifted next to him, shoulder gently bumping into his.

“Do you two know each other?”

“We’re childhood best-”

“Yeah, we used to live near each other,” Oikawa cut Iwaizumi off, ignoring the frown his words caused. It wasn’t a lie and it’d been too long for them to still consider each other their best friend. Even if Oikawa’s heart ached at the thought.

“Ok-ay, well, I’m going to let you two talk. Thanks again for helping with my books,” Daichi smiled at the both of them and escaped inside his room. That’s all Oikawa wanted to do right now.

So much for his plan to catch up on sleep.

Oikawa ignored Iwazumi and picked up one of his boxes, moving past the other boy to enter his new room. It was decent sized, nothing extravagant. Two twin beds sat against opposite walls, dressers situated at their ends and two desks nestled side-by-side between them in front of the double windows. To the left of the door was a closet and to the right, a sink next to the door leading to the bathroom.

Iwaizumi’s things were already scattered on the right side of the room, so Oikawa made his way to the left dresser and set his box and duffle on top. He’d have to reevaluate where to put his gear now that he had a roommate. Especially since he didn’t think Iwazumi would be as easy to run off as the other guys.

Turning around, Oikawa once again found himself face-to-face with Iwaizumi. His heart leaped to his throat. Two boxes of his stuff were in Iwazumi’s arms, something Oikawa tried very hard to not look at. He knew his type and he knew who his type was based on. No reason to torture himself. Brushing past Iwazumi, Oikawa went to pick up the remaining box and bring it inside.

“Too-” Iwaizumi paused at the glare Oikawa sent him, “Oikawa...how’ve you been?” The question came out rushed like it wasn’t what he really wanted to say. Not like Oikawa cared what he wanted to say, his mere presence was enough to bring back the memories he’d buried long ago.

It wasn’t fair. Was this karma for his extracurricular activities? Why couldn’t he separate Iwaizumi from those thoughts? Why did it have to hurt looking at him and remembering everything that’d passed?

“I’ve been great, how about you?” Oikawa said, setting the box next to the sink, a bright and oh so fake smile lighting up his face. The green of Iwaizumi’s eyes dimmed as he easily accepted the lie as truth.

Oikawa didn’t know if he should be relieved or cry.

*************************

“You make the nighttime safe, Iwa-chan.”

“But the sun still needs to rise, Tooru, you know that. Why don’t you want it to?”

“It’s not the dark I’m afraid of anymore…”

[katecarteir]

writing prompt masterlist #1

 Of course, there’s 75 million prompt lists out there but i figured there’s nothing wrong with making my own. Send me a category + a number + a pairing and i’ll write you a fic. Okay to reblog and use :) (x)

Fake/Secret/Etc Dating AUs:

my parents keep setting me up on blind dates but in reality I’m dating you and it’s so you help me get out of them

i hate commitment but my dad’s dying wish is to see me get married and you’re an old family friend i ran into at the airport on my way to visit him so hey let’s get engaged

you need a plus-one for your brother’s wedding so i’m going as a favor but there’s been a misunderstanding and now your whole family thinks we’re engaged

i’m mad at my parents so i ask you out because they wouldn’t approve of you and you’re well aware that i’m just using you but you agree because you find it funny but hey you’re actually super sweet

there’s this really creepy person hitting on me and i don’t know you but you pretending to be my partner completely saved my ass thanks how about i buy you a drink

we’re just really touchy friends and we get each other gifts all the time but everyone thinks we’re going out and we let them think that but why are you getting upset about me going on a date we’re not actually together? 

I’m sorry you always thought your love for me was unrequited but on to more important matters YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING SO YOU HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE YOU ASSHOLE!

Our mutual friend apparently has been waiting for us to get together and so they’re very angry/disappointed/upset when they find out that the reason we kissed last night was because we were black-out drunk

everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks 

when we were little I accidentally mentioned that I had a crush on you but I always thought you didn’t hear me because you just looked at me weird and never commented but now we’re in high school and omg you just introduced me as your boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate wtf we never discussed this

friends to lovers aus

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

 You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

Celebrity/Famous AUs

listen, you may be a famous (and extremely attractive) guitarist, but that gives you no right to practise on the electric at two a.m when we live right next to each other.

We broke up and I used my feelings to write songs and now I’m super popular and you want me back

we decided to make a fake vlog drama for our subscribers and they all think it’s real but jokes on us we end up actually liking each other

I run a prank channel and you were some innocent bystander I pranked for a video but then it turns out hey, you’re also famous online haha shit

we met and started talking but i didn’t know you were a rising star until i noticed cameras following me wtf

you’re a reporter and i think you’re super cute so i’ll only give you personal interviews to help your career and also get you to talk to me more

I’m a celebrity and I have a secret social media account and we started talking online and now we’re close friends but you want to meet up oh shit

I’m a celebrity and I may or may not be following your blog which is dedicated to me. reading your comments and tags are hilarious and very flattering and I’m somewhat smitten  

You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

wedding/kids/marriage/long term relationship AUs

we’ve been dating forever, and you just caught the bouquet at our friend’s wedding

remember when we were in high school and we swore that if we were still single at 30 we’d marry each other, well hey guess whose birthday it is

i’m a runaway bride/groom and you’re driving my getaway car

I suddenly bumped into you after years and wow you look good but holy crap is that a kid?? since when?

you had a breakdown because the baby wouldn’t stop crying and you kept saying how you weren’t ready and how you couldn’t do it

whenever my kid starts crying I just hand them to you and then they just stop and start smiling

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”

i always tease you because that’s just our thing we tease each other but for some reason you snapped at me and are you okay? what’s wrong?

my in-laws despise me GREAT but around you they’re super nice so you don’t believe me

neighbours AUs

You always complain about how loud I am (whether it be TV, video games or music/musical instrument is up to you) and this is the first time you’ve actually knocked on my apartment door and given me a lecture there rather than giving me a phone call, but I’m not really listening because I didn’t  realise I had such a cute neighbour

you never open your door for children on halloween so i always pay the kids to smear your door with shaving cream

my printer isnt printing anymore and my papers are due tomorrow so im on my knees in front of your door begging to use your printer when the old lady from above passes us and thinks im proposing to you

we always run into each other on the stairs but we’ve never said more than hello but when we found out that we both hate the other neighbours, we became friends

i came home drunk and wouldnt stop knocking on your door. when you open i keep telling you to get out of my apartment

after a rough party night i find you sleeping on the stairs but since im still a little asshole all i do is put a blanket over you and a pillow under your head

Please help me, I know you have a kid and my sibling just dropped their baby on me where’s the button to put them to sleep?

I’m stressed and sleep-deprived, please let me pet your cat. 

I have really weird dreams and you have really weird dreams so now we’re in this contest to see who has the weirdest dreams.

Strangers/Meet Cute (or meet very NOT cute) AUs 

We were sitting next to each other in a public place and I saw a mosquito on you and my instincts just acted before my mind.

We mixed up our clothes at the laundry service and I have nothing left to wear and every thing you wear is too big/small for me.

We’re at a comic book store and if you tell me your superhero is better than mine I’m gonna have to punch you in the teeth.

There are no table left at this restaurant and you let me sit at yours since you’re alone.

I’m a single grown-up with busy friends but I want to go to Disneyland so I drop a message on a forum to find someone like me to go wear silly Mickey ears headband and stuff ourselves with cotton candy.

My computer broke down so I called an IT and now I need to find a reason to call them back so I delete important files and download adwares and do all kinds of stupid things. 

I almost dropped something and in my fumbling attempts to stop it from hitting the floor I accidentally projectiled it at your face and it’s a really nice face I’m so sorry

first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

 Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

college/high school AUs:

i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked.

we’re in the same study group but we dont talk but you brought goldfish and im starving

we have the same notebook and we took the wrong ones home so i used your notes on my open book test

you were my elementary school crush but you moved away but somehow we end up miraculously going to the same college and i barely recognized you because holy hot damn you are more attractive than i remember?

I tripped over on my way to this party and I’m bleeding profusely from the grazes on my knees and you’re a complete stranger that pretty much jumped me the second I walked in the door to play nurse

ive had a crush on you for 3+ years and now youre going out with my best friend and i definitely havent locked myself in a toilet cubicle to cry

We’re in different debate classes and I was constructing a case on the board and I come in the next morning and you’ve replied to all my points really well?? But I don’t even know your name? And oh shit, we’re taking over the entire whiteboard, is that your phone number squeezed into the corner of the board there?

You have braces and I don’t and I keep forgetting you’re not allowed to have gum so every time I offer, you give this death glare

You sent me a text asking if I wanted to go to prom on the day of prom and I’m not in town

I’m a notorious goody two shoes and you look like you get into fights on a daily basis, so when you were in the library on the first day I was supposed to be a tutor, I assumed I’d be tutoring you. But, as it turns out, we’re both tutors, and the people we’re tutoring keep blowing us off to make out and we have to go round them up

we have a mutual best friend but they cannot find out how much i like you then they’ll tell you, but i need to find out if you’re single!

I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious 

You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close

soulmate aus

if one soulmate gets an injury, the other gets it as well.

Character A has a soulmate, but Character A died before they got to meet them. As Character A navigates the afterlife in their ghostly form, they discover that they can’t “move on” until they’ve met their soulmate.

 the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born

when you write something on your skin with pen/marker/whatever, it will show up on your soul mates skin as well.

You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or something

you have a compass on your wrist and it directs you to where your soulmate is

i usually think i’m having a conversation with myself in my head but it turns out we’re telepathically connected

everybody is born with a map “tattooed” on their forearm that’s centered on the exact location of where they’ll first meet their soul mate 

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Hey lovelies,

I wrote a Dewey Finn/reader fanfic again.

Bare with me... its LONG. Also angst ahead, followed by our fluffy rock-god, who is too sweet for this world 😍.

The reader has a panic-attack and dewey is there to save the day.

Hope you enjoy. 💕 Lots of love.

High anxiety.

You sat on the floor of your living room. Shaking. Breathing heavily, said breath squeeking with each breath as you inhaled. Dread and panic settling in your chest as you wrapped your arms around yourself in an attempt to get your shit together. You felt your breaths getting shorter. Havier. And you felt the panic in your chest rising.

It had been a while since your last panic attack. A part of you was glad that your boyfriend wasnt home right now. It would be pathetic if Dewey saw you like this. Another part of you however, was getting even more fear since he wasnt home with you.

You knew Dewey for years, and since the years of friendship you two had shared, before tumbling into a relationship, he knew just what to do to help you calm down during said panic attacks.

You felt your heart clenching at the thought of him helping you each time you suffered like this, feeling even more helpless since he wasnt home with you.

Between shallow squeeking breaths and your racing heartbeat you sobbed. Tears streaming down your face in sheer panic. Feeling incredibly alone and scared you hyperventilated even more. Knowing it would be a while untill Dewey would come home, since it was only 12am. And he had to teach the kids untill 3.

"Wel... fuck fuck fuckerdy fuck..."

You felt so stupid, worthless, scared, sad and really REALLY anxious. You closed your eyes and pulled your knees towards your chest, as a pile of panic on the floor. Still crying and hyperventilating you managed to grab your phone as you texted Dewey, with shaking hands typing the message: 'panic' as you struggled to send the message through your blurred vision if tears and shaking nerves.

"Please read my text. Please read my text. I need you Dew-drop."

-----

Dewey drove so fast he just knew he was gonna get in trouble for it. However, he didn't have a single fuck to give right now. When he saw your text he practically ran out the classroom, shouting to the kids he had to go home and tell summer to get miss Mullens in the meantime.

Dewey's mind was clouded with worry as he raced home to you.

He was glad that you thought about texting him before your attack got worse... if you waited too long doing he knew you wouldnt be capable of doing so. He anxiously watched the time... still 3 more minutes. He hoped you were doing okay...

-----

It felt like you were sitting on the floor for hours. Sobbing violently, now full on hyperventilating. Your face wet from the tears. Your vision blurry from the tears and the hyperventilating was starting to make you see black spots everywhere you looked.

At this the heaviness of your chest only grew, and you felt your panic starting to rise even more.

You closed your eyes, pulling your head between your knees in a last attempt to make yourself calmer. The only thought repeating in your brain was: "deweydeweydeweydewey..."

As you sat at the floor, in full on panic mode you didnt realise Dewey rushing through the front door, his eyes growing wild in terror as he saw your helpless form sitting on the floor. He had to remind himself to breath calmly himself... deciding that he needed to be calm and assuring in this situation. Instead of stressing his ass off. He ran a hand trough his hair, collecting himself for your sake, as he walked calmly towards you.

Your had eyes still closed tightly, clinging your own knees so hard it turned your knuckels white, with your head still pressed firmly between them. Blocking the outside world. Your breathing was a mess, squeeking and uneven and all over the place.

Dewey was slowly coming closer to you, his worry grew each time you took in a high pitched fast breath. He was calculating every step he made towards you, the last thing he wanted was to scare you even more.

He figured sneaking up at you like this wouldnt do you any good, but you haven't seen or heard him approach you yet. So he decided that the first thing to do was to make you notice that he was there with you, that you didnt had to face this alone.

He started crouching down so he was leveling with you as he slowly started to hum a song.

Through your ragged short breaths you distantly heard someting, something other than your own sobs. Your ears perked up slightly, trying to focus on the sound instead of the feeling of panic that was heavy in your chest. You slowly started to recognise the song that you heard. It was the first song that Dewey ever played for you on his guitar.

You opened your eyes, your head hesitantly moving up. Anxiety and panic still as heavy as your breathing.

You looked upward and saw the concerned face of Dewey. Your Dewey. Your breath still squeaking, it took you a lot of efford to focus on him. But just seeing Dewey grounded you a bit.

He spoke with the softest calmest voice he could manage: "Hey sweetheart, you back with me? Keep your eyes on me, okay love? Can you do that for me? Just look at me and focus on my voice. Your doing great. Your gonna be fine sweetheart. Im here with you, your not alone."

You conintued to look at him. Relieved that Dewey was with you now.

"Thats it love. Keep those pretty eyes on me. I am gonna move closer to you, is that okay?" It took you all your willpower to nod once. He smiled at that, glad you showed him you heard him.

He scooted closer to you, as he kept lulling in his soft voice: "thats it sweetheart. Your doing great y/n, just focus on my voice. Keep looking at me sweetheart.

As he reached the point across you he carefully touched your knees, making sure you were okay with him doing so. Holding intense eye contact to notice the slightest bit of worry on your face as he touched you.The said worry on your face never came.

Still hyperventilating you noticed his hand laying sofly on your knee. He was still staring intently at you, his eyes were calm and assuring. He asked: "is this okay love? Is it okay if i touch you?" Again it took you all the willpower you had to nod at him. He smiled a bit at that. He knew from previous attacks that telling you what he was doing helped you with your anxiety.

Dewey very gently moved his other hand on your knee too. And started to move them up and down in a soothing way. All the while speaking: "Your doing great sweetheart. Im here with you. Just focus on the sound of my voice, keep your pretty eyes on me and feel my hands on your knees. Your gonna be okay. Breath with me love. Breath in. Breath out. Thats it, your rocking it. In with me. Out with me..."

You breathed in and out with dewey together. You felt the fog in your mind clearing at his voice and the pressure on your chest was becoming less heavy with each stroke on your knee. Your breathing gently slowing down bit by bit.

Dewey noticed this and beamed at you, moving closer untill he could properly hold you.

The sight alone made your heart flutter, and you managed to smile a tiny smile back at him, as you welcomed his embrace. Still unable to move you two sat on the floor for a while. Dewey proceeded to guide your breathing and his voice and presence literally banned your anxiety slowly. "Thats it love. In.... Out.... in.... out...."

As minutes had passed and your breathing was back to normal you managed to scoot even closer to him, cuddling in his safe embrace.

He hold you tight in his arms, humming as he did so. You sighed, as he rocked your body back and forward... his voice humming your thoughts away. You were surrounded by the comfort and love Dewey provided. You inhaled deeply trough your nose, the scent of dewey making you feel safe. He smelled like cinnamon, coffee, and a little bit of sweat combined with... tea tree oil...? He must have used your shampoo this morning. You couldnt supress a smile creeping up your face. Gosh, you loved that man.

Dewey noticed your slight smile appearing, followed by some tears rolling down your cheeck. Your emotions crashing in with full force, you just realized Dewey had come home early... just because you had a stupid panic attack. You mumbled in the crook of his neck: "im sorry Dew... im so sorry..."

Deweys mind worked fast at this. The chance of you panicking again closing in, and he knew he had to stop it. Fast.

You were in the middle of mumbling apologies as you felt a hand stroking your hair, and calloused fingers wiping your tears away as Dewey pecked every inch of your tear-stained face. He tried to speak while kissing you: "sweetheart *kiss* not *kiss* your *kiss* fault *kiss*...."

You chuckled at his attempt to kiss and talk at the same time. His scruff tickeling your face with each kiss.

He pulled away from pecking your face slighty to look you in the eyes and stroke your cheeck as he spoke:

"Y/n... love... dont say that. Its okay. Im here. I always will be here. Its not your fault, you did a good job texting me before it got worse. Your doing great. Your gonna be okay now. I love you SO much..." To prove his piont he kissed your nose.

You nodded. Smiling and knowing you had the BEST boyfriend ever.

He pulled you even closer to him, you were almost sitting on his lap now. His strong arms holding onto your waist, as he lulled in your ear:

"Should i draw you a bath, love? It might be good for your tense muscles... I'll even put your favorite oil in it for you..." he sing-songed the last scentence and you snorted at that.

He chuckled as well, glad he'd made you laugh.

You felt him moving to get up, but you tensed at this whispering: "Dew...."

His hand now slowly moving his way across your belly as he replied: "hmmm?"

You whispered with a shaky voice: "would you... do you mind... uhm..."

Deweys thumb moved tiny circles around your belly button as he kissed your neck softly: "I'm coming with you if you like that... you don't have to be alone now... no worries, okay?"

You nodded again. Dewey helped you on your feet and held your hand as you two walked the stairs.

You stripped down your clothes as Dewey prepared the perfect bath for you both. He slipped in first, and you rested against his torso in the tub. His chin resting on your head, and his armes wrapped around your waist. You felt the falling and rising of his chest behind you calming you even more. You closed your eyes, reveling in the moment before you broke the silence: "Thankyou Dewey.... i love you"

After pressing a kiss on the top of your hair he replied: "Anytime sweetheart, i love you too."

You shifted lightly is his grasp, turning so you were with your head on his chest now, his grip around you never leaving. He started to comb his hands trough your hair while humming softly into your ear.

And at that moment, you felt calm and safe in Dewey's embrace.

[cruecifymesixx]

Love and Leather /part Sixxty Eight/

Word Count:10.9k

A/N: continuation from 67! Enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated

Warnings: language, extreme angst, intense therapy sessions, SMUT(bear with me. I haven't wrote smut in a hot minute)

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*Nikki's POV*

"Nikki, Vanity is in the hospital. She doesnt want you here but im not taking Arianna to the hospital because I dont waknow what kind of condition Van is in. So, I need you to be here for your daughter, or are you actually the asshole I think you are?"

I stared down at the desk, trying to Process waht was going on, "Nikki? Did you hear me?" My stomach was twisting into knots as my heart felt like it was stuck in a vise grip.

"The hospital? Is-is she okay?" I breathed out the words. You know when you have those moments where it feels as if all time is standing still and you are the only person in the univer? Thats how i was feeling.

"I dont know Nikki! All i know is Arianna wasnt picked up from school. I found her waitin ginside when I left. I tried calling Vanity but she didnt answer and I had a voicemail from the hospital saying she was there and im her only emergency contact she has."

I reached for my water, dowing it until the bottle was empty, "Uh...uh...it's gonna take me hours to get there regardless..."

Clementine scoffed, "Unbelievable, do you not fucking hear me? Vanity is in the hospital!! The mother of your child and so called loved of your life needed medical attention!"

"It's gonna take me hours to get there..." I repeated.

"I don't give a shit Nikki. You have the fancy jet, use it."

I shook my head, "Look, im the last person Vanity wants to see right now. Can't you just send Ari to one of her friends or something.? Can't someone else watch her while you go to the hospital? Clementine, I'm across the country..."

She laughed, "As if I would send her to stay with Jason. I'm her only friend here, Nikki."

I felt my bood boil and my body become tense, "Ja-Jason? She's talking to Jason?" My jaw was clenched as I galred at the doorway, seeing Brandi scowling against it.

"Well Nikki, if you had kept your promise Jason wouldnt be an option." I closed my eyes, breathing through my nose as I shook my head, "He's not a fucking option!!" I yelled back in defense, "He aint even a fucking blimp."

"Are you coming or not? Arianna has already been so upset and stressed out lately. I don't want her to be upset even more. Trust me, Vanity feels the same way."

I glared at Brandi, "Just give me a few hours." I watched as she threw her arms up and shook her head.

"You fucked up this time. I mean it. You can ignore Vanity, but you dont lie to your kid."

"I know! I know! I just...look I'll explain everything whenI get there, alright?" I retorted as I hung up the phone and looked at Brandi, "You! It's all your fucking fault!"

Brandi was appalled, "Me? I did nothing! You were the one who didnt call and kept saying you were too busy! Don't put that on me!"

"I did nothing." I mocked her voice, walking past her and to my bedroom, "As if you didn't fuckin use coke and your body to make stay with you."

I shook my head, quickly grabbing garments from the closet and throwing them on my bed, "Filled my head with bullshit!" I shouted as I threw the duffle bag on the bed next.

Brandi laughed, "Oh come on Nikki. You know who you really want."

I shook my head, trying to rid my ears of her nasaly voice, "Yeah, now I do! Now that I know my daughter has been crying over me and that Vanity is in the hospital! It takes her getting hurt to make me realize it!" I screamed, watching her flich at the loudness, "It always takes Vanity getting hurt to make me fucking realize how much of an asshole I am!!"

God, I fucking hope she's okay.

"Oh my god, she's probably being dramatic! Nikki, please don't go. I just got you back, stay here with me. Please baby?"

"Why?! So you can keep ruining my fucking life? So you can keep going on the lavish trips and shopping sprees?! Fuck you and fuck off! I'm done. If I get back and your shit is still here, I'm burning this fucking house to the ground with you and your shit in it!" I threatened, grabbing my bag and then my car keys right after.

"I'm serious, Brandi. I am done. I'm signing the papers and giving them back to the lawyers."

*A few hours later*

I got out of the rental car, slamming the door as I parked outside Vanit's apartment building. I went inside, repeatedly pushing the elevator button until it opened,. I stood in the elevator, pushing my hair out of my face as I tried collecting my thoughts. I had called Clementine on the plane and she said she was at Vans house waiting for me. I couldn't wait to see Arianna.

The door slid open on her floor as I speed walked down the hallway before I was face to face with her front door. I knocked and waited until it opened.

"Took you long enough." Clementine answered, a bitchy glare on her face as I sighed, "I'm sorry, okay! I am sorry!" I said, almost out of breath as I looked at her.

"I am not the one you need to apolgize too." She snapped at me as my eyes glanced over to Arianna who was staring at me from across the living room.

"Pumpkin.." I got down on one knee, smiling at her, "I've missed you."I frowned when she completely ignored me and walked straight to Clementine.

"I want Mommy." She whsipered, pulling on Clem's hand and looking up at her.

"I'm gonna go get her babe, okay?" I tried reassuring her, but all i got in return was mean glare.

Clementine smirked as I straightened back up, "Good luck, hope you come back in one piece."

*Vanity's POV*

I glared at the wall, sitting uncomfortable as ever with my arm in a sling, dried blood around my nose and six stitches on my forehead. My glare then went to the nurse who entered my hospital room. "Can I just fucking get something for pain?! I'm dying here!!" I yelled at her, they've ignored my requests three fucking times!!

"Hello! Are you fucking stupid or something?!" I groaned, pushing the bed side table towards the nurse as she was standing at the counter.

"And something other then god damn ice chips?!" I shouted grabbing the pink plastic cup and throwing  it out into the hallway.

The nurse turned towards me, "Ma'am, you need to behave. r I will get psych down here to take you to thier side of the hospital. You understand me?" She berated me like a fucking child as I looked away from her and out the window, "I will work on getting you something to drink. Buut I cannot give you any medications." I rolle dmy eyes, pulling my arm away from her touch as she tried to wrap the blood pressure cuff around my bicep.

"Do you have any recollection of what you have put into your system? cocaine and diamorphine were all found in your blood system."

"What the actual fuck is diamorphine?" I qustioned her, rubbing my temples as I felt myself becoming irritated even more.

"Plus, when you came in your blood alcohol contenet was at a point one five and thats three times the legal limit in the state of New York." I looked at the banana bag I was hooked up too, "Diamorhpine is heroin, Vanity."

"Jason..." I mentally cursed him out, "I don't do heroin." I told her as she looked at me with the same look she probably gives other druggies taht tell her the same exact thing.

"Well, we did have difficulty setting up an IV, your veins are shot in both your arms. Luckily, we were able to get the veins in your hands to cooperate or we would have had to do a pick line straight to your heart."

I shook my head, "I don't do heroin. The blow was probably mixed with the heroin. I wouldn't willingly touch heroin. I didn't- I wouldn't."

"You are very lucky the car accident wasn't your fault, but the police will be in touch with you later to get your statement. May I take your vitals now?" The nurse, whose name tag read Margie questioned as I nodded.

"Statement? I don't rember anything. When can I go home? I have a daughter-" I gasped, "I have... i have to call Clementine!" I tried getting out bed but the nused pushed me back gently by my other shoulder.

"Our charge nurse has already conta ted her, now please, relax. I'm sure your child is fine." I took some deep breaths as I relaxed into the stiff bed, "Now, since youre awake and coherent, you dislocated your shoulder and you have a concussion so no blood thinner or it could make it worse. You had a minor laceration on your forehead but the doctor took care of it."

"Sorry to interrupt you Margie, but your patients husband is here." Another female nurse stated.

"I don't have a husband." I told them and right on queue, the blood pressure monitor started beeping eratticaly when I saw Nikki.

"Get out!! I don't want him here!!" I picked up a cup of jello, chucking it as hard as I could at him but he ended up catching it in his hands.

"I thought you said you were her husband?"

"I'd rather fucking kill myself than be married to him!"I shouted at the nurse, her eyes widening at my statement.

"Margie, should I call psych?"

Nikki put the cup of lime green jello on the counter, taking hesitant steps towards me, "I am just here to take you home. Clem called me and I just flew on the jet all the way here. She's with Arianna, she didn't want her to worry."

"You're her ride home?" Nikki nodded, "No! I'm not going anywher with this psycho!" I motioned to Nikki as he frowned.

"Doll, please?"

I pointed my finger at him, "Don't do that to me, Nikki! Don't look at me like that and don't talk to me like that!"

He rolled his eyes, completely ignoring me as he started talking with the nurse, "Can i have her discharge papers, please? She'll be safe with me. She's just a little uh...pissed off at me at the moment. It's nothing new." Nikki tried to laugh as I glared at him and as the jurses looked a bit weary.

"Do you have another ride, Vanity?"

I exhaled in a defeated manenr, "No. I don't."

"Why don't you step outside with our charge nurse while wehelp her get dressed an situated with the sling." Margie explained to Nikki, motioning to the door as he nodded and stepped out.

I pulled up my jeans after they handed them to me followed by my booths. The nurses helped me put my shirt on, with minimal complaints from me about my shoulder hurtinbefore hanging my jacket off my shoulders.

"Van, look, I don't want to be here-"

"You should want to be here, Nikki!" I shouted at him in the middle of the hospital, feeling other doctors and nurses look at us.

"Stop it! Just let me finish! I meant here, in the hospital with you! Clem called and here I am! So i'll take you home and just fucking go back to California if thats's what you want, alright!?" Nikki raised his voice as I stared at him in disbelief.

I vocally let out a "Ugh!" before pushing him to the side, "I can't stand you!"

"Yeah, just keep it coming Vanity. Tell me how much you hate me!" Nikki followed with heavy footsteps as we evenutally made it outside of the hospital, "Fuckin telll me Van! Tell me how horrible I am and how much of an asshole I am! Let's get it out of the way now princess!"

I quickly turned around, shoving him with my free arm repeatedly, "Where were you?!" I yelled, "You bastard! I can't fucking believe you would do this!" I shoved his chest again, forcing him to lean back into the wall as I continued to do so, "i'm so fucking sorry wer're such a bruden to you and your wife!"

"She's not my wife! I was busy!" He defended himself as I shoved him again, "Vanity, knock it off!"

"Busy with what Nikki?! Tommy's been here so don't even tell me it's the band and I highly doubt divorce papers take three months to sign!"

"She tried getting me to stay and-"

"Tried?! Nikki, you did stay! You chose her over me, not even me but your fucking daughter!" I shoved him again, but this time he grabbed my arm and forced it to my side.

"Calm down, now!" He lowered his head, shouting in my face as I fought his grip, "She's getting her shit out while im here! My marriage to her is over! Alright?! Stop acting like a fucking bat out of hell!"

I forced my wrist away from his grasp, "Just take me to my daughter."

"I'm sorry, Vanity. I really am."

I rolled my eyes, opening up his car door before sitting down, "Fucking save it Nikki. You're always sorry."

When we arrived at my apartment door, I unlocked it and tried slamming it in Nikk's face but he stopped it from closing.

"Mommy!" I sighed, trying to keep my tears in check as I picked up Arianna and gave her a hug.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. Mom got into a little trouble and she had to go see the doctors, but im okay now." I smothered her cheeks in kisses, "Pizza and cookies? Wow! Did you tell Auntie Clem thank you?"

Arianna giggled, "We made them for you! And we saved some pizza. Auntie said you would be grumpy and hungry when you got home." I smiled, silently thanking Clementine.

"Boo boo?" Arianna frowned as she pulled on the swing a bit.

I nodded and brushed my finger over her cheek, "Yeah angel, a really big boo boo but i'll be better in no time." I smiled as she kissed my cheek. I saw her then look over my shoulder as I sighed and put her down on the floor, "You should go say hi to daddy while he's here..."

Arianna glared at him before she loooked up at me, "I saw him already."

"Nikki took a few steps before crouching down to her height, "I've missed you princess." He smiled at her and fixed a loose strand of her hair, "Dad's been busy.." Arianna wasn't buying his bullshit either as she walked away from him and went to play with the scattered toys in the living room.

Nikki, the six foot and buck seventy five man that he is, got on his hands and knees and crawled over to her, "You got new toys? Those are pretty cool."

"I want to play by myself." Arianna told him, moving all of her toys away from Nikki and putting them in front of her.

I felt Clementines glaring at me, "I am fine."

"Oh really now?" She laughed a bit, "What the hell even happened Vanity?"

I motioned her to come over to the table and sit down with me so our conversation would be out of earshot from both Nikki and Arianna.

"You cannot get mad, alright? But I maybe snorted a bit too much and drank a little, or a lot. I don't remember crashing, and I sure as hell don't remember getting to the hospital-" I laughed, "And get this, heroin was mixed in with the blow I got from Jason. Isn't that hilarious?"

"Vanity..."

"No worries! It's all good!" I reassured Clementine with a pat on the arm, "I'm fine, I mean kinda. My shoulders dislocated and I have a concussion. They flushed my system, I'm good! I'm great!" I shrugged it off like it was nothing as Clem wore an upset look on her face.

She took off her glasses, rubbing her temples before she looked at me, "Good/" Good until Jason gives you more drugs?"

"I'm not. I'm done. I finished off what he had gave me, I told myself that's all I would do. I'm sorry clem."

She scoffed, "Sorry?" Vanity, you could've been seriously injured or worse. You're wasting money on this crap!" Clementine raised her voice just a tad.

"Well, so what if I am? It's not like I'm broke or poor." i retorted, glancing over and seeing Nikki attempt to get into Arianna's good graces.

"Nice, real nice Vanity." I looked back at Clem, seeign her stone cold glare.

"What?!" I gave her a confused expression, "That was not a shot at you if that's what you are thinking. You're not broke or poor. Your paintings sell and I give you money for being her babysitter."

"I said I wanna play alone!!" We both turned our heads when Arianna had yelled at Nikki, "Give me my dolly!" She yelled again, snatching it out of his hands.

"Princess, I am sorry I've been gone." Nikki spoke with hurt in his voice as he stared at her in shock before he glanced at me for guidance.

"Arianna, c'mon. You can't just ignore me." Nikki smiled before ticking her sides.

I watched as she pushed his hands away from her, "Go away."

"She's as stubborn as you are." Clementine mumbled to me as I nodded.

"I don't want to play with you." Arianna muttered as she moved away from Nikki completely, taking her toys with her but he only followed after her.

"Daddy just has stuff to take care of in California, ya know?" Nikki spoke softly as he laid on his side and tinkered with one of her toys.

"Go back to 'fornia!"

Nikki sighed, narrowing his eyes at her, "Arianna, do not yell at me."

"You lied! Mommy said you lied!"

Remind me to stop gossiping with Clementine while Arianna is within the same vicinity.

Nikki side eyed me before turning his attention back to her, “Babe, I-I didn’t lie. I told you I’d be back and I’m here now.”

“You stutter!”

“Arianna, I didn’t lie to you! Stop yelling at me!” Nikki raised his voice, not necessarily yelling at her but he was stern.

“Liar!” Arianna shouted, throwing her doll at Nikki’s face before she ran down the hallway to her bedroom. I heard her attempt to slam her door but since little tiny fingers and door jams don’t mix well, I had put foam at the top of the wooden frame.

Nikki mumbled as he got off the floor, “Just like your mother.”

“I think maybe you should go…” I told him as his eyes darted over to me.

Nikki shook his head, “I flew all the way out here. She can be stubborn all she damn well pleases, but I’m not leaving.”

“Then you should have called. Kids aren’t stupid.”

I closed my eyes, wishing Clementine had not put her two cents in as I felt Nikki’s anger rise even more.

“Stay the fuck out of it! It isn’t any of your god damn business!” He snapped at her quickly as she rolled her eyes before she stood up and started grabbing her things.

“Clem..” I spoke softly as I watched her shake her head, probably plotting how to murder Nikki and get away with it.

“Not a single fucking thank you for making sure your kid doesn’t know you like to come home high and pass out. That she doesn’t know how much of a fucking asshole her father is.”

I glared at Nikki as he rolled his eyes at me and went to sit down on the couch, “Clementine, I’m sorry. But thank you for making sure Arianna is always safe. I love you?”

She sighed, glancing at me as she looked back at Nikki, “I love you too…just call if you need me okay? Maybe take your mutt to go get neutered, he likes pissing on everything.”

I tried to keep my laughter in, “Bye Clementine, Thank you.”

I closed the door, turning around and leaning against it as Nikki stood in the middle of my living room.

“Can we please talk now? Just you and me.” I watched as he fiddled with his thumbs as I went to the fridge and grabbed my bottle of wine and glass from the cupboard.

“I don’t think you should be drinking if you…” Nikki stopped talking as he was met with my death glare. I sat down on the couch as he sat down next to me.

“You were gone for months, Nikki. You didn’t even call! You barely called at first and then it just stopped. How is that suppose to make me feel? To make your daughter feel?” I expressed my grievances as I poured the sweet red into the glass.

“Vanity, I’m sorry.” He placed his hand on my knee, “I fucked up. I really fucked up. She…Brandi gave me coke and it had me going for a minute. I was an idiot.”

“Blow? She gave you blow? I introduced you to your fucking child and you just run back to la la land because of some fucking dust? Prioritize what’s important to you, Nikki!”

Nikki shook his head, “I thought…I just thought maybe you didn’t really want me back, that it was all just a one time thing.”

That alone sent a knife straight through my heart, “A one time thing?” I stared at him, “After the night we spent together before you left, you really thought that was a one time thing? I wouldn’t of said the things I said if it was just a one time thing.”

“Babe, I was just…she fucking cornered me and it was a moment of weakness.”

I laughed in his face, “More like a moment of stupidity. Let me guess, she offered a few lines to you with her mouth wrapped around your dick again?”

Nikki took the glass of wine out of my hand before pulling me towards him, “I am sorry, okay? I messed up. I listened to the wrong person. I made a horrible mistake. I promise darling, I’m not going anywhere. I’m done leaving. I should have never went back there to begin with, should’ve made the lawyers fly out here.”

I felt his hand wrap around mine as his thumb brushed over my bruised knuckles, “How do I know that Nikki? That you just won’t leave again? That I won’t have to think of some bullshit reason to tell Ari why you aren’t here.”

“Because I’m not going anywhere Van, I swear to god I’m not leaving again. I’m not leaving unless you and her come back home with me. Brandi’s gone, princess. It’s done. She used coke because she knows it’s one of my weaknesses right after you.”

“Why does she have such a hold on you Nikki? I saw the pictures in the magazine. You two looked so happy.” I felt my chest get heavy as tears started building up.

Nikki kissed the back of my palm, “Those pictures were a bunch of lies doll, you have to believe me Vanity. I had to stay at a hotel for a few days after cause I felt so…so fake and wrong. I just wanted to hide and disappear from the world.”

Nikki wiped my cheek with a finger, “Why didn’t you come back to me right after that? You could’ve came here Nikki.”

I saw tears in his hazel eyes, “I-I was scared. Scared that the weeks I spent here with you and her was too good to be true. That all of this was happening again. It’s us Vanity, when are the cards ever in our favor?”

“We have some pretty shitty cards dealt for us, huh?” I laugh as I wipe his tears from the corner of his eye, “Please stop hurting me.” I begged him as I cupped his jaw, feeling the muscle relax underneath, “I’d wait forever for you, Sixx. I’m stupid for doing it, but I would do it in every universe.”

Nikki frowned, “I know. I know. I won’t, I promise. Please…please don’t take me out of yours and her lives. I want to be apart of it.”

“Nikki, that’s all based on your behavior. Not mine.”

He nodded, “Okay, fine. Where…where can I start? What do you want me to do.” He was acting like an attentive puppy waiting for his next treat.

“Can you get Arianna ready for bed?”

Nikki laughed, “How hard could that even be?”

*Nikki’s POV*

I had chased Arianna round the house for the past hour, even tripping and almost falling over rugs and her toys that were every where. I chased Arianna into her room as she laughed her ass off. No, this wasn’t a fun game of chase.

“Arianna, time for bed. Now!” I grabbed her as she started laughing more. I carried her to her bedroom before pulling down her blankets and putting her in bed.

“You aren’t the boss of me!” She said, kicking the blankets off and attempting to get out of bed. I’d be willing to let her but it was already nine at night.

I lightly pressed on her shoulders, putting her Back down, “Arianna, do you want me to use my mean voice? Bed, now. Or you won’t like it when you don’t get any cookies or TV tomorrow.”

Her big brown eyes turned to saucers, “You’re being a poo poo head!” She shouted, tugging the blanket away from my hand.

“Yeah, and you’re being a brat. Go to sleep.” I realized that was too harsh when her bottom lip quivered.

“You’re being mean!” She pouted as she grabbed her stuffed animal and turned on her side and faced the wall.

“Goodnight angel.” I muttered before turning off her ceiling light and plugging in her night light, “Or demon.” I whispered as I stepped out of her room and closed the door.

I walked into the kitchen, seeing Vanity downing some whiskey. She had just taken her pain pills not even thirty minutes ago, “Maybe you need help. Rehab or something.” I told her softly as she shook her head and put the bottle back in the fridge

“Van, you got into a car accident. We’re lucky this wasn’t another Razzle incident….” I trailed off as she stared at me in disbelief.

“Nik, it was just a fluke accident. Plus, the person in front of me was driving like an idiot. I’m fine.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Fluke accident? Vanity, I ended up dying and coming back. If I had someone tell me then I wouldn’t have gone through all that. And you especially wouldn’t have had to find me in my closet after.”

Vanity rolled her eyes, “Literally everyone did tell you to slow down…”

“And did I listen? No, I was too late and I was lucky to come back from it. Don’t you get it doll?”

She huffed and puffed, “You’re being dramatic. I’m not going to die. I don’t over do it like you. Jason just had a bad batch that was mixed with…” I waited for her to say it, “He gave me blow that was mixed with smack.”

”Oh, speedballs. Next thing you know you’ll be freebasing.” I retorted as she let out a gasp, “I would never do that! Listening to you and reading those journals you had were scary.”

I chuckled, “Scary? Well, seems like you’ll be looking for something more intense soon enough. It’d be a shame to make Arianna go through what you went through with me.”

Vanity shook her head, “I would never go out looking for something stronger and I would never do that to Arianna.” She defended herself as this argument was now becoming amusing to me.

“That’s what I said too. You know, you act as if I was never a drug addict. She’s not gonna be able to tell you to stop, she’s a kid Van. I had to watch my mom do this shit.”

She glared at me, “Because I’m not an addict like you Nikki. I’m not hiding in closets and I never do this stuff around her. Yeah, Jason comes over but we don’t do drugs here.”

I shook my head, “A guy you shouldn’t even be associating with in the first place! He’s bad fucking news, Van.”

“What are you? My fucking dad?” Vanity snapped quickly as we stared at one another.

“Fine, do whatever the hell you want. I’m gonna go find a hotel and I’ll be back in the morning.” I grabbed my jacket off the chair as I walked past her, “Goodnight V.” I spat out hastily as I opened up the front door.

I felt her hand wrap around my wrist as I hung my head down low and exhaled, “What? We’re just pissing each other off. You’re on edge because you were forced to detox at the hospital and not thinking rationally. You really want to argue more, Vanity?”

She shook her head as her hand moved to mine, holding it tightly, “I want you to stay with me, please?”

My eyes met hers, seeing the pain and vulnerability in them, “I’ll relax, okay? I’m fine. I just want you to stay with us. You’ve been gone way to long.”

She pulled me inside, walking backwards as she played with the rings on my fingers, “You relax too. I can tell you’re upset.”

I pulled my hand away from her, “Van, why do you think I’m upset? Clementine called me saying you were in the hospital? Do you even have a clue what I thought was wrong? That maybe Arianna would be without a mother and I wouldn’t have you anymore? Do you know how terrifying that is for me? You’ve been the only constant, besides the band in my life. You’re all I have Vanity…and I already had to experience life without you and I don’t want to do it again.” I sat down on the couch as she sat down next to me, her back resting against the arm as she looked at me.

“I’m fine Nikki.” I shook my head, “No you are not. You aren’t fine and you haven’t been fine for a while. Is this…is this because of me? You doing this to yourself. The drugs? The drinking? Hanging around Jason?”

Vanity played with the ends of her hair, picking off dry blood as she looked at me, “I don’t know…” I rested my hand on her knee, brushing my thumb across her skin, “It’s…it’s not because of you. It’s because of the hurt and the pain you cause. I’m high and I don’t think or feel it. It numbs it..”

I laid my head against the back of the couch, “Have you gone to your therapist lately? If you don’t want to go to rehab then you need to be going to therapy.”

“No, I haven’t.” She mumbled as I groaned.

“Vanity, you need too! I’ll make an appointment for you.” I looked at her, seeing her staring down at her nails until I put my hand under her chin to make her look at me, “I think you need to come back home. You live where there’s a dealer around every corner and back alley. You’ll never get clean here.”

Her eyebrows tightened together, “I’m not leaving New York.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want too!” She quietly shouted, “Arianna was born here, this is all she’s known, Nikki.” She expressed her concerns as I listened.

“I understand that, but don’t you think she’d love to see the ocean? Be near me instead of only flying out when I can? She’s a kid Van, she can adjust. I think it’s only you who doesn’t want to come back home.” Vanity looked away from me, wiping her cheeks as I kissed the top of her knee before resting my chin against it.

“Then I’ll fly her out to see you or something. There’s an ocean here too, ya know? You moved around so many times as a kid and look what it did to you. I don’t want that for her.”

“I’m move here, then.”

Her lips parted, “You can’t move here. Everything for you is in Los Angeles, the band, the music. Not New York Nikki, no. I won’t let you do that.”

“Fuck the band, Vanity! I have enough money to not need the band for a while. I want you and I want our daughter, nothing else. I want you.” I told her as she wiped her tears away again and looked at me, “I want you the only way I know you. I want you to be okay again, to be a good mom and to be my best friend. If you don’t want to be my girl just yet, fine. Arianna can just take your place.”

Vanity broke out into a beautiful smile, “The only girl that’s ever allowed to to take my place.” She rested her hand against my jaw, thumb grazing over my cheek, “I still love you Nikki.”

“I still love you more.”

I let out a sigh, I guess we'll save the coming back home argument for another day.

*A few days later, Vanity’s POV*

“Mommy..” I opened up my eyes, glancing over at the clock and saw that it was seven in the morning, “Daddy’s making breakfast and I don’t want to eat it.”

I chuckled, sitting up carefully and resting my shoulder against the pillow, “And whys that?”

She shrugged, “Cause he’s a poo poo head and he’s being mean to me.”

I stared at her, brushing her messy hair out of her face “Quit calling him that Ari. You know, you’re probably hurting his feelings. He said he was sorry, you’re being stubborn like me.”

“I am not stu-stubborn!” She defended herself as she crossed her arms over her chest and gave me the stink eye.

I grabbed her and put her off to the side as I got out of bed, “Let’s go get ready for school and then you’re eating whatever your dad made.” Arianna crawled out of my bed as she started running to her room, “Am not!!” I followed her and went to her closet to pick out an outfit.

“Get dressed and I’ll do your hair after you eat breakfast.” I repeated myself, “No!!!” I chuckled as her tiny hands pushed me out of her bedroom.

I walked down the hallway and into the kitchen seeing Chef Sixx attempting to flip pancakes, “Ow! Fucking piece of shit!” He shouted as the bacon popped oil onto him as he turned it.

“Need some help?” I asked him as he turned around to look at me, laughing as he did so

“Ha! Yeah right! I’m not letting you anywhere near this until it’s done. I’m not eating burnt bacon or doughy pancakes.” He continued to laugh as he started cracking eggs in a bowl before whisking them.

“I’ve learned to cook.” I mumbled as I sat down on the barstool, Nikki handing me a cup of coffee right after.

“Two sugars and a lot of creamer, right?” He questioned a smile on his face as he held up the spatula. I nodded and took a sip.

“How was the couch?” My lips tugged in a crooked smile as he had an unamused expression on his face.

“It was fine. Would prefer to keep your bed warm. But…it was fine.” Nikki exasperated, “I had Arianna’s fairy blanket to keep me warm since you didn’t give me a blanket or a pillow.”

I looked at Nikki, taking another sip of coffee “You didn’t ask for anything last night. So how am I suppose to know?”

Nikki scoffed as he turned towards the stove and continued cooking, “Keep it up and you won’t get any of this.”

I shook my head, “Not hungry anyways.” I smiled when Arianna came out into the kitchen, glaring at Nikki as she climbed up on the barstool next to me.

“Well too bad, you’re gonna eat. You’re too skinny still.” Nikki stares as he put a plate of mini blueberry pancakes, eggs and bacon in front of Arianna.

“Am not.” I told him as I watched Arianna push the plate away from her, “Are too. Your ass is getting smaller.”

Jeez, thanks asshole. As if I can’t see the weight loss when I look in the mirror.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, “Eat your breakfast Ari so we can finish getting ready.”

She stuck her nose up, turning her head away, “I’m not eating that. It’s gross.”

I sighed, “How would you know that? You haven’t even taken a bite yet. Eat, now.”

“It’s gross cause he made it.” She spoke in a matter of fact type of tone, sticking her tongue out at Nikki, “Can I have cereal? I don’t want it.”

Nikki put a plate in front of me, “Look, I’ll eat mine if you eat yours.” I took a bite of the pancakes, moaning as they were good, “Holy crap.” I started shoveling them into my mouth. We’re they that good? Probably not. But I can’t remember the last time I ate something sufficient.

“Can I have yours?” I looked at Ari as she tried reaching for my bacon until I handed it to her, “Babe, you’re eating the same thing as me.” I chuckled as she took her own little pink fork and took a bite from my pancakes.

“I’m gonna go freshen up.” Nikki muttered as he tried smiling at Arianna who still returned a mean little glare towards him. He frowned before leaving the kitchen.

“You know…you can’t be mad at him forever.” I told Arianna as she started eating off her own plate.

“Yes I can.” She stared at me, “…not nice.” She said, mouth full of sugary syrup and pancakes as I shook my head.

“Daddy’s nice and you know it. You’re not being nice to him, calling daddy mean names and not talking to him. He loves you Ari and he’s sorry for what he did.”

“Fine. No more poo poo head.” She giggled before she continued eating. I kissed her forehead before hopping off the chair. I walked down the hallway, yawing as I headed to my bedroom to straighten up and get dressed for the day.

After the morning routine was over and Arianna was ready for the day, she wanted her hair braided with one of her pink bows at the end of it. I slipped on a pair of shoes and slipped a jacket over my shoulders, wincing at the discomfort of putting my arm back in the sling.

“You could ask for help..” Nikki said, watching me struggle before coming over and helping anyways.

“Thanks.” I muttered, “Ari, you ready to go?” I asked her as she climbed off the couch and grabbed her backpack.

Arianna looked up at me and Nikki, “Will you walk me to my class?” She asked Nikki as he smiled at her before patting the top of her head, “Of course I will.”

When we arrived at her school a little while later, Arianna gave me a big kiss goodbye handing her a pink lunchbox right after, “I’ll pick you up later, okay?” I told her as she nodded and grabbed Nikki’s hand, tugging him towards the doors. I got back in the car, sitting down as I listened to the radio.

I glanced over seeing Nikki’s wallet was dropped on the floorboard. I reached down and grabbed it. I looked towards the doors and chuckled to myself. His wallet was stuffed full of cash. He’s such a hypocrite sometimes. He use to give me crap for always carrying around a lot of loose bills. I looked through his credit cards, he’s gotten two new ones that were a nice shiny black. I smiled at his goofy identification card, seeing him try to force a half assed smile. Nikki also had a guitar pick tucked inside the folds. A piece of paper was sticking out, but I realized it wasn’t a paper it was a picture. A picture of me and Arianna that Nikki had took when we spent the day at the boardwalk.

Through the tinted windows, I saw him coming back outside as I quickly stuffed the picture back in and tossed his wallet onto the seat, “Oh there it is. Thought I forgot it at your place.” Nikki grinned as he put his wallet in his back pocket.

“We have some where to be.” Nikki explained as he started driving away from the school.

I briefly glanced over, “Oh yeah? Where are we going?”

Nikki smiled at me, “You, Vanity Blackwood, have an appointment with your therapist.”

The smile fell from my face, turning into a scowl as I contemplated opening the door and jumping out, “You’re joking, right? Nikki c’mon.” I whined as I slumped back into the chair.

“Told you I was making you an appointment sweets. Did you think I was lying? You’re going and I’m gonna sit in there with you.”

*a little while later*

We sat side by side, knees resting against each other as we waited for my therapist to come in. I had my elbow perched up on the arm of the leather couch as I rested my cheek against my fist, watching the clock tick by slowly.

Nikki’s arm was wrapped around the back of the couch, his hand lightly rubbing my shoulder, “What time does Ari get out of school?”

With a monotone voice, “Three.”

I could heard the deep breath of annoyance as he took his arm and hand away from me and places his hands on his knees as he leaned over and grabbed some candy.

My ears perked up when I heard the door open, “Oh! I didn’t know we’d be having guests today. I’m Dr. Lilian Watson. Vanity, it is so nice to see you.”

“Yep, I’m here.” My voice oozed sarcastic cheer as I rolled my eyes, “This is Nikki.” I motioned to him as they shook each other’s hands.

“Oh…the Nikki. Vanity, I see there’s been some progress. What brings you in? It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you.”

I rolled my eyes at both the therapist and at Nikki, “He’s forcing me to be here

“She needed to come and see you.” Nikki butted in as I shook my head, growing more and more irritated.

Dr Watson adjusted in her chair, pushing her glasses up her nose, “Well Nikki, can you tell me why you think she needs to be here?”

Nikki chuckled, “She dislocated her shoulder last week due to driving under the influence of booze and narcotics. Busted her head open and had a bloody nose as well which is why I’m in New York to help her out but she’s not being appreciative of it.”

“Yeah, I see the sling.” She wrote some things down as I side eyed Nikki, “So, were still using?”

I reached for the bowl of candy on the table, “Not since the accident.” I shrugged and stuffed some m&ms into my mouth, “Incase you can’t tell, I’m being watched like a hawk. But I did stop for a while before then and then continued once I started hanging out with Jason again.”

“Who you shouldn’t even be hanging out with after last time.” Nikki butted in as I glared at him.

“I’m sorry? Are you my fucking husband?” I snapped, watching his eyebrows raise in surprise before turning away from me with a light shake of the head in disbelief.

“What happened last time?”

I groaned, “This was a bad idea.” I mumbled, eyes rolling as I sighed, “Jason got physical with me at the bar and Nikki beat him up for it. But Nikki doesn’t have room to talk when he was off getting high with the wife he was suppose to be divorcing when he should have been with his daughter.”

“I’ve gone to meetings in my free time, Vanity. Unlike you who just sits on this guys dick and gets fucking high!” Nikki fought back as he glared at me.

“I don’t do that!” I yelled at Nikki, feeling myself get worked up and by the smirk on his face, he knew it too.

“Okay, okay. Let’s just relax?” Dr Watson took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I don’t specialize in couples therapy, so Nikki in your opinion, can you tell me where the issues root from?”

Before Nikki could respond, “We’re not a couple actually so you don’t need to use that phrase.” I pointed out, my tone was extremely bitchy as Nikki let out a hushed Wow.

“Oh yeah? So I’ve just been hanging out here and taking care of you and making sure you’re good for no reason?” Nikki looked at me, “Seriously, not a couple?!?”

“Well we aren’t!!!” I fought back, “How could you even think we’re together?! Because we almost fucked that night?! You aren’t my boyfriend and you for sure aren’t my damn husband!”

In a raucous tone, “You and your fucking ten million reasons why! I had to go back! How many times do I have to explain myself?! I didn’t want to go back!”

“Uh maybe you could of told her to fuck off like the countless times you’ve told me to fuck off!” I continued to argue, my voice becoming hoarse from all the yelling, “Cause it’s all about me and Arianna.” I mocked his voice before rolling my eyes

“Because it is!”

I scoffed, “What? For a few more weeks until you find some new ditzy playboy?!”

Dr Watson cleared her throat as I sunk back into the leather couch, “Okay, let’s take a few breaths to get rid of some of this anger.”

Nikki reached for a handful of candy, stuffing his cheeks until they turned pink, “I’m not angry.” He mumbled as I scooted away from him.

“How is Arianna?” The therapist exhaled deeply as she looked at us with a forced smile.

“She’s fine, trying to get used to someone-“ I glanced over at Nikki “being around again. She’s in kindergarten now and is doing wonderful.”

Nikki piped up, “She’s a great kid, takes after her mother so wonderfully well.” He shook his head as he glared at me. I attempted to speak but he continued, “Coke angry Vanity and all of her fuckin tantrums don’t need to show up when Arianna is around. I grew up with a mother who used so I know what it’s like.”

“Yeah Vanitys mentioned a thing or two about you and your own addictions.”

“I am still trying to over come them everyday. I go to meetings, talk to my sponsor. I actually try.”

“And here comes the sob story.”

If Nikki wasn’t angry before I said that, then he sure as hell was now, “Sob story?! Are you fucking kidding me!?” Nikki grabbed the pillow I was holding onto and flung it across the room, “Me almost killing myself is a god damn sob story to you?! Fuck you, Vanity! You should know better than that! Christ sake, you’re apart of that sob story!”

“Nikki, I didn’t-“

“Didn’t mean it?! You never mean anything because you never fuckin do anything wrong, right?! Little miss princess Vanity with all her millions and millions of oil money can do no harm because everything about you is so god damn perfect, right?!” Nikki shouted, making me flinch at his loudness.

“What have I ever done to you? Except fuck Tommy more than once? Fucked Slash? What have I ever done to hurt you?” I questioned him as he stared at me.

“More than once?!”

“You had intercourse with Slash?” Dr Watson seemed genuinely surprised.

Through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw, “You fucked Tommy? Again?! When! You said it was only one time!”

“I-I didnt… I didn’t…”

He arched an eyebrow, “Now you’re gonna lie about it?! Did you fuck him again or not? Tell me right now Vanity.”

“Vanity, it’s alright. Just be honest about it with Nikki. It’s always a smart thing to share your past sexual partners with your current one.”

“I’m not fucking him!” I pointed at Nikki, “I don’t want to touch him and I don’t want him touching me! He probably got some fucking disease from his little wife.”

Nikki was more outraged at the fact I would call him dirty then anything else I’ve been saying, “I am clean, Vanity! Unlike you since you like to hop from dick to fucking dick!”

I smacked his arm, “Don’t talk to me like that!”

“Hit me again Vanity. I promise you won’t like what I do.” Nikki threatened as I almost took him up on it.

“Okay! Okay, stop it!” Lillian raised her voice a tad before clearing her throat, “Vanity, just be honest with Nikki. Nobody is hitting anyone."

“I slept with Tommy when he first came to New York, when he found me. I was emotional and he was there for me. You should be happy he was there for me Nikki!”

He laughed, “Happy?! Happy that my best friend stuck his cock in you?! Why should I be happy that you opened your fucking legs for him again?!”

“So clearly the issues run deep..” The doctor mumbled as I stared at Nikki with tears in my eyes, “I am sorry!”

“Sorry for what exactly?! Sleeping with my best friend? Running from me because of what I did? Sticking a needle into your god damn arm? Or keeping Arianna from me out of spite?!”

“Out of spite? None of this is out of spite, Sixx! None of it!” I cried to him as he shook his head, running a ringed hand over this face.

“Really?! So five years you just couldn’t call or write or fuckin mention we have a kid! Had to find out from coming back here and bumping into you out of luck!”

I looked away from him and at the therapist, “It wouldn’t be hard if he stopped fucking up! Do you know how many times I’ve had to deal with his shit! To pick up the pieces of what he’s done!! Maybe instead of shoving shit up your nose and crying over me like Tommy said you were, you should’ve tried a bit harder!”

Nikki was at his wits end with me, “Tried?! I fucking called your mother every god damn day! I wrote a fucking letter to you only for it to be sent back to the house! Don’t tell me I didn’t try! I would’ve gotten on my god damn knees for you! You were the one that didn’t try! You say I tossed you to the side, no! You fucking tossed me to the side! You left me! You fucking left without a trace! Left everything behind! Everything we had together like I was fucking nothing to you!” I watched him as I saw tears falling down his reddened cheek as he continued yelling his frustrations at me.

“You left me, Vanity. I wanted to fix it. You said it would have been better for us if I had just fucking died when I overdosed. Do you have any clue how that made me felt? How that simple sentence ripped my heart to shreds. I would’ve been satisfied with just your siblings or your mom telling me I was going to be a father. You knew how bad I wanted to be a dad, to have a family with you, to watch you carry my child. You chose to be selfish, Vanity.”

Our eyes stayed locked on one another as we sat in a silence that was choking me, “I’m not selfish.”

“Bullshit Vanity.” Nikki croaked as his tongue stuck out to lick away salty tears at the corner of his lips, “It’s always about you and what you want. You wanted to keep her away from me, you said you could keep going as a single parent not that long ago but I’m sure you would just keep paying Clementine to babysit her.”

“I never wanted to keep her from you!” My soft expression quickly turned into a scowl, “Do not bring Clem into this! She’s done nothing but help me!”

“Clementine practically takes care of her half the time while you’re off doing god knows what, Van! Don’t you see that?! I’d love to see how to it would’ve went if you didn’t find anyone.”

My eyes narrowed at him, “I’d be able to do it by myself! I don’t need you or anyone.”

My eyes stayed glued to his before I looked away when Dr Watson had put her notebook down, “I think we might be done with this session…”

“Yeah. That’s enough.” Nikki muttered as he fixed his shirt and grabbed his jacket from the table.

“Like I said, I’m not a couples therapist. But I think there’s a lot that needs to be uh, mended.”

He laughed, “No shit.” I quickly swatted his side, “Don’t be a dick. Thank you Dr Watson."

“Yeah, Thanks Watson.” Nikki spoke gruffly as we both started walking to the door, the therapist closing it right after us.

Nikki quickly grabbed my hand as he pulled me down the hallway. I saw his head shaking as he mumbled my name and profanities under his breath, “Ow, Sixx.” I winced as his rings were pinching my skin, “You’re hurting my hand.” I attempted to pull away from his grasp, he looked at me before opening up a door and shoving me inside, “What the fuck is your issue?!” I yelled as he flipped on the switch and slammed the door shut, blocking me from leaving even if I wanted too.

Nikki stepped closer to me, “You have a lot of fucking nerve acting like that in there.” I took a step back and bumped into the trash can Before I grabbed the counter of the bathroom to balance myself, “Just sitting there talking shit about Nikki and all the bad things he’s done to you.”

“I wasn’t talking shit!” I argued back, “And you started it! I was ready to have a nice peaceful session but no, you had to go and open your fucking-“ I instantly stopped talking when he closed the distance between us, roughly grasping my chin in the palm of his hand.

“There you go again! Blaming everything on me! Maybe if you weren’t such a fucking bitch I wouldn’t have to be an asshole to you! You ever think of that one, princess!?” Nikki forcefully pressed his lips to mine causing me to wince against the friction. Teeth scraping against my skin as I soon tasted a drop of blood on our lips, with a breath being deprived from my lungs as Nikki wrapped his hand around my throat, lightly squeezing as he did so.

I tried reaching for a fistful of his hair, on instinct alone his free hand captured mine in his as he held it behind my back. My nails scratched and pinched at his hand only for him to tighten his grip around my neck. A shaky, girly moan escaped through my lips as he took a step back, hand still wrapped around my throat as he broke out in an arrogant grin. His thumb traced over my bottom lip, wiping away the blood before he took it away and sucked it off himself.

I wrapped my fingers into his hair, roughly yanking his head down to continue the heated kiss. My tongue ran over his lip, before gently tugging on it with pearly whites. Nikki groaned as he placed his hands on my hips before his fingers found the button and zipper of my jeans. I pulled away from him, shoving his hands from me as I attempted to push my pants down. I let out a yelp before slapping my hand over my mouth when Nikki roughly grabbed me by my hair and dragged me to him, holding brunette strands by the root as he tilted my head back and pressed soft simple pecks to the front of my neck, “Let’s see if you remember who the fuck you belong too.”

The deep baritone of his voice sent chills down my spine as well as heat straight to my core. I tried to kiss him again but he refused to let me. His hand found my throat again, needy whimpers escaping. I followed his lips, mere inches from one another as his nose brushed against mine, “Nikki…” a pleading moan came from me as he chuckled darkly in return. His sage colored eyes were making my skin crawl in the best kinda way, knowing he was planning, thinking some of the most dirtiest things. I let my hands wander, landing on a silver buckle as I undid it and let it hang loosely on his hips.

Nikki backed me up until I hit the sink counter. He towered over me. one hand at the base of my neck, forcing me to keep eyes on him. I felt cold rings running down my body as he pulled the thin blue fabric down from between my legs.. An attempt to squeeze my thighs together due to the coolness failed when Nikki brought an open palm down on my ass. I closed my eyes before looking back up at him.

“Look at those pretty eyes just begging for me. Thought you didn’t need me, Princess?” I frowned at his words only for him to let out a laugh. His middle finger traced over my lip as I welcomed it, letting my tongue roll over the rough pad before sucking on the tip. Nikki added another finger to the mix, middle and ring now as I gave it the same treatment, “Dirty fucking girl.” He smirked in my face as he took his fingers from my mouth and placed them between my legs. My head tried dropping to watch what he was doing only for him to yank me by my hair, “Eyes on me. Only me.”

My lips parted when his fingers skillfully invaded my body, knuckle fucking deep. It was abrupt and sudden when his fingers began moving at a fast pace inside of me, fingers curling at just the right spot. The vulgarity of the sound of his palm slapping against my body bounced off the tranquil and zen picture frames that hanged on the wall.

“O-oh my god.” My voice was reduced to a whimper as he finally let his lips meet mine. I rested my hand on his shoulder, fingers gripping the hem of his shirt as I broke the kiss, “Nikki!! Fu-fuck!” I cried out for him, feeling him push another finger inside of me as he poked and prodded at the bundle of nerves inside of me. My eyes screwed shut, feeling them roll into the back of my head behind closed lids as I felt myself fall off the edge of pleasure.

“That’s it baby. Come apart for me, let me get a fucking taste.” Nikki relentlessly abused my insides until his hand was drenched with sticky wetness. I attempted to regain composure, pushing hair out of my face as I watched him suck and lick his fingers clean. Tattooed fingers engulfed themselves around chocolate strands of hair as he pulled my face towards his, warm and soft lips finding mine.

“Still taste so god damn sweet baby girl.” Nikki moaned as he grabbed me by my hips, roughly pulling me away from him before bending me over the counter, hair tangled in a fist as my cheek laid against the cool tile.

I closed my eyes, attempting to catch my breath as I listened to the sound of a zipper being pulled down followed by a sickening slap against my skin. I chewed on my bottom lip as I brought my head up, “Watch me.” Nikki growled as he yanked my head up a bit more. His free hand was wrapped around the base of his cock, giving long and slow strokes to himself.

My lips parted with a silent moan that never tumbled out as I felt Nikki press the tip to my entrance before pushing in. I breathed out a sigh of relief as I felt him fill me, completely. I noticed his bangs covering his eyes, but I could tell he was looking down at the intrusion of my body.

“O-oh fuck, Van.” Nikki moaned, sliding his cock out slowly slowly before sliding back into me “Fuck me.” He groaned, taking his hand away from my hair and digging his fingers into my hip His pace started increasing as his hips smacked against my bottom, fucking me harder and deeper.

Tattooed fingers found themselves curled over my shoulder, nails roughly scraping at my skin. My hips naturally started rocking into each of his thrusts, feeling my insides clench around his throbbing length. I closed my eyes, moans of his names falling off my tongue. An arm of his snaked around my body with a hand dipping underneath my shirt as he grabbed my tits, finger tips pinching and twisting my nipples.

“You feel so good, Nikki.” I breathed out, feeling his hand twist into my hair again. My neck crained back, his lips press against my forehead as he thrusted into me hilt deep. He moved my hair to the side, pressing rough and wet opened mouth kisses to my shoulder before nipping at the soft and delicate skin.

“You still take my cock so well, Princess. So fucking tight and wet for me. So…fuckin perfect.” Nikki breathed into my ear, nibbling gently as he did so. I turned my head just a bit, letting my lips find his before he broke the kiss and pulled out of me.

Nikki dragged me into a stall, making the door bang against the hinges as he sat down and pulled me over his hips.

“This isn’t sanitary.” I mumbled, “Ow!” A rude and sharp slap against my ass cheek ended all complaints I had.

“…don’t give a fucking shit.” Nikki stated in a husky tone as he gripped my hips, fingers digging into the skin roughly. I wrapped my hand around his throbbing member as I hovered over him, slowly sliding down onto it before I gripped his shoulder.

Pornographic moans fell from both of our lips as he buried himself inside of me. I started grinding my hips into his, feeling Nikki accommodate himself in the most delicious way. Nikki Sixx being the only man to ever do so.

Nikki cupped my jaw, pulling my face towards his as our lips touched in a slow and deliberate kiss. His tongue found mine as I tasted the fruity gum he was chewing on. His hips started thrusting up into me at a slow pace, “You feel that baby?” Nikki broke the kiss, his bright green eyes borrowing holes into mine. I nodded my head in a sheepish manner, “That’s all yours.”

I wrapped my free arm around his shoulder, leaning into his chest as I focused on his movements inside of me. He reached between our bodies, fingers dancing around my clit at a rapid pace. I closed my eyes, feeling myself clench around him. I knew he was close too by the way he twitched inside of me.

“Go on baby, cum all over this fuckin cock. Let me have it.” Nikki’s voice was strained as he tried holding off to let me hit my peak first.

“Nik-“ I moaned loudly, only for Nikki to put his hand over my mouth when the bathroom door opened up. My eyes rolled as he continued to thrust into me at a slower pace, smirking at me when I felt myself cum as I moaned into his hand.

“Shit..” Nikki whispered as he pulled out of me, taking his cock into his hand and giving himself a few rough pumps before he hit his end. I sat in his lap still, watching him jack himself off for a few more minutes until he relaxed onto the toilet he was perched up on.

We both heard the water start running as whoever came into the bathroom was singing to themselves, “Look.” Nikki whispered as he wrote ‘V&N’ on the stall with his own cum. I covered my mouth to keep my laughter in as I shoved his shoulder playfully.

“So romantic.” I mouthed before getting off his lap and pulling up my jeans and panties. I stepped out of the stall, the other woman smiling at me through the mirror as I washed my hands and fixed my unruly hair, wincing when my fingers brushed past my scalp. The women was taking her sweet time as she started checking her make up and fixing her own hair so I decided to leave the bathroom and waited out in the hallway.

My eyes went wide when I heard yelling coming from the bathroom, “Sorry!” Nikki yelled back as he stepped out of the bathroom, glaring at me, “I thought she left! Not you!” He shook his head at me as he reached for my hand.

“So, you wanna grab some food?” He questioned as he held the office door open for me and we stepped outside.

I wrapped my hand around his bicep as we walked to my car, "Yeah, I would like that." I smiled up at him, Nikki lowering his head down to give me a quick peck on the lips.

Nikki helped me into the car, closing it as I was situated. He started driving to wherever he decided to take us. He rested his hand on my thigh as I intertwined our fingers together.

I hope this meant good things were coming for us.

[godrics]

NCT DREAM BEYOND LIVE CONCERT!RORY

gif made by x

NCT DREAM BEYOND LIVE CONCERT!RORY

UNDER READ MORE  (bc it’s actually really long now that im on tumblr)

okay so the concert started with the vcr/video from the dream show ..

rory's little scene was her as a teacher !!! so cute

OOH and then the transition into her into her teacher clothes into a suit .. thats my girl

her hair is still like this. much more vibrant than it was because she redyed it oops

first song was GO!! change ur ways

she was wearing this [ black cargo pants, a black crop top, belt, along with chains lmao idk how to describe. oh and black boots ] for go, drippin', we go up, and stronger performances!

it was kind of awkward at first but then she saw nctzens' faces so she was happy

"to the world, this is the nct! we are nct dream”

she clapped excitedly, jumping up and down

"beyond the dream show~"

when haechan asked the time where the fans were, she read the comments, squinting funnily at the screen before gasping

"one of the czennies said it was 3am!"

the other boys gasped in shock before clapping slightly

"thank you for watching us even though it's 3am!" rory said to the fans. "but go to bed as soon as this is over~ or whenever you're feeling tired, that's okay too!"

"for our global fans, we prepared something special, right?" haechan said and rory nodded, smiling

"so we prepared our greeting in various languages"

rory's greeting was in french! fans went crazy bc she sounded SO good and her pronounciation was good too

after that she says, "renjun took english from me" in english and playfully glared at the older boy who laughed.

she turned to the fans and said, "but um, wendy-unnie taught me that so .. if it sounds bad it's all her fault." she claps as the other boys laugh

when they were talking about how they felt, rory said "i watched superm and wayv's concerts so i was excited because i knew we'd hear from the fans just like they were here with us in person. they were really loud, too" and laughs

when renjun told them to scream, she hit him lightly and said "yah, don't you remember what i just said? some fans it's 3am there!"

"oh dont scream then," renjun laughed, making her laugh before she went back to waving at the fans as they waved their lightsticks

when the fans appeared behind them, her eyes widened and she immediately ran to the screen, waving in all directions

she noticed when she got close to a fan's screen, they'd start waving their hand/lighstick even harder and it made her laugh

"rory, come back!" jaemin laughed, tugging her with him back to where the other 5 were

"wow, pretty grass" rory mocked mark as she stared at the lightsticks where the audience were supposed to be and on the screens

haechan had to hide a laugh

then there was we go up performance

woo fun

then stronger! she loves that song is2g

okay for the next vcr

she was in a school uniform standing in between jeno and jaemin

"you guys suck," rory laughed, watching the boys try to succeed

when renjun comes over and succeeds in under one minute and one hand, she gasped in shock lightly before watching him walk away coolly and put his head back down on the desk

jaemin nudged her as she laughed, "you guys are just losers!"

and then it ends on her walking over to renjun and bending down to face him and tapping him on the shoulder

he jumps from how close she is and she laughs, grinning at him, "that was cool" before going back over to the boys and he watches her

next video of the vcr oo

she gets hit in the head by the basketball(she's after chenle) and luckily saves it before it falls to the ground and throws it towards the basket, renjun jumping up to hit it in

why is she always getting hit in the head rip rory's head

next performance is dunk shot!!!

she hated the outfits tho jfc

she was wearing white loose shorts that ended midthigh and a pink button up over a white t-shirt

yeah super plain im so sorry rory that the stylists did you dirty like that

(to be fair the boys looked bad too like what was that matching .. there was NONE)

NEXT IS CHEWING GUM!!

AND THERE WERE HOVERBOARDS

SHE MISSED THE HOVERBOARDS SO MUCH

she hyped up jisung so loud during his solo dance

and had a huge ass smile on her face during it

she was in the middle of renjun and chenle at the bottom

AND THEY LEFT A SPACE FOR MARK IN BETWEEN JAEMIN AND JISUNG SHE ALMOST CRIED

"i think chenle changed the most" rory laughed, talking about the difference from now and almost four years ago when they debuted

"you changed a lot, too" chenle poked her and she huffed out a laugh, choosing not to respond to him and shook her head

when it was time for the interactions, she had to hide her wince because since she watched wayv and superm's, she was worried about how it would go because some fans' wifi connections were bad(so were sm's but anyways--)

oh luckily the first fan spoke korean !!

"hi!" she waved excitedly at the fan

when the fan said her name, she quietly repeated it to herself but it was still heard from the mic

"there's a song called 7 days in your album. what do you guys mean to each other?"

rory's mouth went dry at that question as she rubbed her hands together, looking at the boys silently as they ahhed and oohed

she smiled slightly as she saw how big their smiles got at the question

chenle said that the members were his family. they're literally siblings

she laughed at that

hyuck said that the members were apart of himself and that he grew up with all of them

jisung said bc they're older than him, they're like his younger siblings

rory had to look away in order to not laugh at his answer LMFAO

she couldnt contain how big her smile got when jaemin said that he couldn't live without them

she literally almost cried from tears of laughter from jeno's answer "onion"

renjun said that the members are youth to him

and him bringing up the stupid bottle to his face . i s2g she quickly yanked that from him so quick while laughing

and then finally it was her turn

"um, thank you for the question, siyoung!" she clapped slightly before continuing. "to me, the members are .. my childhood" she nodded slightly as she spoke. "we all grew up together so each of them have a piece of my childhood that i dont want to leave"

renjun pulls her into a side hug as jeno says "cute~"

wolfies(rory's stans) cried

when the fan said she'd stick with nct dream seven days a week, she laughed from the sudden overwhelming feeling at her words and bowed towards the fan, keeping her eyes to the ground so the camera wouldn't catch her teary eyes

too bad the camera did once she looked back up

"nct dream have 8 members--" when haechan said that, rory smiled big and nodded her head

"infinity" rory cheered, the members following behind

the next caller was up!

"ooh, poland" rory smiled

the fans question was "what are your biggest dreams" which she translated for them

rory's answer was "i have no doubt that nct dream will stay together forever so ... i my biggest dream is nctzens staying with us forever. even when we all grow up and have our own lives, i hope nctzens will some day think of nct dream and smile"

jaemin literally walked over and pinched her cheek, cooing at how cute she was

rory rolled her eyes playfully but let him

ah yes to this day he's still the only one she'll allow to give her skinship in public

rip other boys

she felt so sad when the third caller's connection was bad

"ah ... difficult technicalities"

she put a thumbs down

anyways next was don't need your love!!!

she LOVES this song so much guys its unreal

her place at the start is right in between renjun and jisung again lmao

shes leaning against chenle and jaemin

she loves hearing the boys' english btw

also in this version she has more lines but im not gonna tell which ones that's too much work

and next is we young!!

watching the part when they take a pic .. made me cry so it made rory very nostalgic

rory's wearing a professional suit but like . with a skirt i forgot what its called rip

she's standing in between hyuck and jeno

when jaemin laughs she laughs

she has that pic in her phone case btw

along with an ot8 pic

when they're talking abt the 50 years later OO im gonna . cry again

"so we can see how we change"

"um, we're gonna look older" rory laughed

btw grandma rory literally still looks good as hell sorry i dont make the rules

rory: "chenle would look like steve jobs but like .. chinese"

chenle was so offended bye

rory: "jisung if you grow a mustache i will never forgive you"

"wHY DOES IT MATTER?????"

"bc you'd look stupid i cant be seen with someone looking stupid"

the other pic where renjun jumps .. her face is literally so genuinely shocked in that pic LMAO she didnt expect that

NEXT IS BEST FRIENDS OH MY GODD I LOVED IT SO DID SHE

SHE JUST WISHED MARK WAS THERE .. AND HE KINDA WAS

btw she was wearing a black blazer but it was shorter .. and another black skirt with a white crop top underneath rip

OKAY HYERI MADE NCTZENS CRY SO HARD

so theyre uneven rn right?

so instead of her being a third wheel(not really)

when it's her part, she's backstage and as she's doing her part, she reached into an open closet and .. pulls out a cutout board of mark :((

yeah she cried too when she thought of it and luckily sm let her!!

at the end of her part towards the end of the song, she smiles and says, "right, mark-oppa?" and forms half a heart up to the camera

(taeyong later sends her a video of mark reacting to her parts and when she does the heart he puts half a heart up next to hers <3)

next is candle light! they dont really have a choreo to this one either

anyway candle light wouldnt have been her first choice bc she'd prefer to perform dear dream .. BUT ANYWAY

next is PUZZLE PIECE and 7 DAYS!!

the camera catches her and jisung doing their little handshake . so cute

she then hugs chenle so he wouldnt feel left out

end posing of puzzle piece, she's in between chenle and jisung AGAIN SLDJDJL

they form a heart with her doing the bottom and chenle and jisung doing the top/sides

when they read the comments after performing jeno reads one that says "rory is so talented, her vocals are so good"

and then hyuck read "rory's parts in best friends was so cute"

she blushes so cute

when they talk abt the album

rory says in english, "thank you for supporting us and we hope you guys enjoyed listening to the album as much as we enjoyed making it .. think of it as our gift to you for always loving us!!" cute baby. and then gives a little finger heart

special guest is mark, jungwoo, and doyoung!!

she expected mark but was surprised about jungwoo and doyoung

she couldnt stop smiling the whole time because literally all she had to do was see 127 and smile immediately like they dont even got to do anything

the technical difficulties .. rory said in english again "i think you need to get your wifi checked, mark"

"no mark-oppa?" he teased and she laughed

when they were complimenting them, jungwoo said that mark really enjoyed rory's parts in best friends and she full out giggled from nervousness, blushing from embarrassment

doyoung complimented her vocals and rap and shes never been so proud of herself

compliments from 127? her greatest achievement

jungwoo then said she was so cute wow more blushing

she found the challenge boring and wouldve preferred if 127 picked the damn challenge themselves bc then it wouldve been funnier and more fun but alas .. sm >:(

she picked puzzle piece tho

THE FUCKING NEXT VCR .. so emotional when she watched over it

she literally just watched her and her friends grow up in literal seconds

there's a clip of her from chewing gum on mark's back while he's riding the hoverboard

.. also somehow they got a clip of her hugging jaemin when he came back sigh

emotional manipulation!! she was kinda pissed that was in there bc it was supposed to be private but what can she do .. it's sm

there's a video of her chasing jeno during we young era while on the mv set

and another one of renjun literally dragging her on the ground because she wouldnt let go of his legs in mfal era

in mfal era she's seen running over chenle when he's out of their little cars

its funny he almost fell if jeno didnt catch him LMAO

but its ok dont fret he was in the grass

mfal era where hyuck tries to make a basket but fails and she steals the ball from him and makes it in .. he pouted FOREVER after that

the video of them in chewing gum era and then goes to ridin' era ..

her clip is her smiling shyly at the camera WITH HER CUTE PIGTAILS OH MYGODDD SO SOFT SO BABY

and then it goes to her in ridin' era with her leaning against the car and a lollipop in her mouth, staring dead straight at the camera somehow intimidatingly

n then ofc the music changes and the videos go more recent

theres clips of her behind the scenes in we young, go, dnyl, and boom

also some of her at that dream show concert

the ridin' stage was prerecorded but anyway she's wearing the same outfit she does in the mv

she saw a clip of the car cg and she yelled at the members jokingly saying it almost ran her over

wearing same outfit for quiet down which was live

they had one more song after :( she was really sad and she made sure nctzens knew that

"i wish we could perform more songs for you guys but .. only one more :(" and then sighed really loudly

"i wish you guys were here in person as well but your health is way more important and until then .. well, hopefully we can see each other again in the future! i miss seeing all your pretty faces" she then pouted as the other members oohed loudly and she laughed

after the other members continue she then reminds them all to "wash their hands and wear their masks over their noses if they have to go out"

when renjun says bonjour her eyes widen and she says "wow, so you stole my english and now my french?" she jokingly raises her hand to hit him but all he does is laughs and grabs her hand to 'stop her'

last is boom!

they shouldve performed dear dream or mfal but i guess booms good too not like they havent had to hear that song for 9 months

anyways

at the end she sneakily gives the camera a finger heart

[cockbiteproductions]

multiples of 8, except in the misc section. all even numbers for the misc section

200: My crush’s name is: well well well this question again. you’re not getting anything out of me!!! they fucking use this website!!!

192: I am allergic to: nothing. but i found out like yesterday not everyone gets dermatographia and im kinda annoyed. what do you mean your skin doesnt get red and puffy the moment you touch it......

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox solely because of ah

176: Last YouTube video watched: my watch history says this, which is a scene from a show called billions. this scene in particular is about my favorite character asking about their introduction scene with their former mentor figure that they quickly outranked and asking why they were picked for the internship that lead them down this [entire shitpath].

168: Luck: [long sigh]. [puts on clown makeup].

[obi wan voice] im my experience there’s no such thing as luck. 

[rian voice] luck? there’s probability plausibility and actuality. luck is superstition. luck is lazy math. [winston voice] that’s what i always say.

160: Soul mates: again souls arent real..... nor do i believe that people are “meant for each other” on any sort of cosmic/larger level. you are more compatible with people based on your upbringing and your interests and your values and those are adaptable over time though some people are so different that they will never get along and other people match/complement each other incredibly well.

152: Phone or Online: lmaoooo this questionnaire once again showing its age. throwback to when these things weren’t synonymous. online for sure. what am i gonna do with a phone? talk to someone with my fucking voice? i think not.

144: Oranges or Apples: to eat by themselves? probably apples since they are easier and less of a mess. and apples are more consistently better than oranges. oranges, it’s easy to get a batch that just sucks. juiced? probably orange. i love me some fuckin orange juice. but i like apple cider more than orange juice.

136: Hillary or Obama: lmaoooo again.. the age of this. 2008 or 2012. going to guess 2008. obama but not like. enthusiastically. while he was certainly better than [what we got going on now] he still bombed the hell outta some countries......

128: Manicure or Pedicure: ive never had either but i would probably be more comfortable with a manicure. people touching my feet would make me ticklish.

120: Gay Marriage: the only type that should be allowed. sorry straights youre no longer allowed to get married. /s obviously.

112: Facebook: oh BOY are you fucking ready. are you???? im starting the readmore NOW because this is going to be something. i doubt anyone except robots maybe will actually read my deranged pro-privacy anti-facebook/social media/surveillance rant but im angry every time i think about it and if i were a more important person than a rando on the internet with a keyboard im sure facebook would hire someone to kill me one day.

FUCK FACEBOOK. FUCK THAT SHITTY ASS WEBSITE THAT AT EVERY TURN HAS BEEN REVEALED TO HAVE HORRIFYING PRACTICES OF DATA COLLECTION.

but before that, they need to pay some goddamn fucking taxes. they are profiting off the data of billions of people and getting away with paying SO LITTLE back. 

you ever hear about deepface? no this is not the beginning of a prequel meme. deepface is facebook’s facial recognition technology and facial recognition is fucking terrifying. that shit is as good as humans at facial recognition at this point. does that not scare you? that a bunch of computers can figure out if this photo contains you or not? it’s one thing if humans recognize each other, but another thing when computers who can process data almost infinitely faster than humans can are able to do it. the scale and speed at which these fucking nightmares operates is hard for us to imagine and so we are all not scared enough of what they can do. this kind of technology is so deeply privacy violating it’s hard for me to stress it enough. every image of you ever uploaded on the internet could possibly be put through facial recognition tech. and with the fact that there are cameras literally everywhere at all times now at this point it’s so fucking possible that if desired, someone could find out where you are at all times. and that gets SO scary when used by governments. are you comfortable with your government knowing where YOU are at all times? yes? what about if tomorrow your government is overthrown by a group of radicals you completely disagree with? you still comfortable with that? facial recognition is kind of a fucking pandoras box that we are opening and now that we have the technology available to us, unless we actively take steps back from it, it WILL eventually/already is being used in malicious, intensely privacy invasive ways.

and everything in that above bullet point goes for ALL DATA COLLECTED ON YOU, EVER. everything you’ve ever said on facebook is probably put through some multi layered neural network fucking robot who is learning how to understand what humans say on your input and also cataloging things about you as a person. it is doing SO MUCH more than reading the exact text of what you are saying and then picking up on keywords. neural networks are an attempt to copy how humans think by making an artificial version of a brain basically. in simple terms it’s a map of points and connections and you feed it data for a while and tell it what the desired outcome should be. it will adjust those connections and the weight of those points based on your data and expected outcome. that change in connections and weights is how it learns. then after a while it has fed on enough data that it will begin to expect what your desired outcome is. now imagine millions and millions of connections and points. it’s fucking huge. you ever hear about how we don’t know how machine learning/deep learning/neural networks works? this is that. it’s because they are so large and they have changed their weights and points so much that we no longer understand how it makes its decisions. ml is on a deeper level starting to understand what you mean when you say words. like a human. and can pick up nuances humans cannot because of its perfect memory. do you understand how scary this is? do you? i really do not know how to express this better how absolutely buckshit wild and terrifying the idea that everything i say online can be scraped and put through a robot and a profile on me and who i am and my ideals can be gathered almost instantly. how hard would it be to write a scraper that goes to my blog and grabs the text of every post in my talk tag? and then there’s free and open source nlp software (or you can pay for it) and you can feed in everything ive said on this blog ever. you can go to my facebook. you can go to my twitter. you can find my profiles on every online platform ive ever used and take everything ive ever said and determine what kind of person i am based on that. and then you can then make further distinctions based on that data. (sidenote: facebook wouldnt have to scrape the data on my profile, it’s all in their databases already. they have everything ive ever posted on public or private, on my old profile i’ve deactivated, every photo ive posted or been tagged in, everything ive ever uploaded to their servers or have been associated with.) and someone or robot can make decisions about me based on that data. it could just be am i likely to buy [this product] or it could be something much more like am i a threat? am i dangerous to you, the person using this data about me? what are my politics? what are my views on [this topic]? are they too extreme? should i be denied [real life thing] based on what this machine has determined about me from my data online? not to sound fucking crazy, but you ever watch that episode of black mirror? nosedive? and its system where you can rate interactions with people? how this one girl was trying to increase her ranking so she would qualify for a cheaper price on housing? how we’re already starting to see things like this in real life with china’s social credit system?

call me a fucking wack job but i think it’s so deeply creepy that we have digitized so many aspects of our lives and leave machines we no longer understand how they make their decisions to analyze every bit of data about ourselves.

by the fucking way facebook tracks data on people WHO DO NOT USE FACEBOOK. FACEBOOK TRACKS DATA ON PEOPLE. WHO. DO. NOT. USE. FACEBOOK. are you scared? i am.

i’ve been thinking about this tweet from @/malwaretech on twitter from a few days ago. text: On a serious note, social media tracking is more extensive than you may think. For example: those Facebook 'like' buttons you see on every website? They call home. If you're logged into your FB account, it records that you visited that web page, even if you don't click 'like'. doesn’t that sound a lil fucked up to anyone else? that facebook knows that i visited that webpage even though i did not tell it? that it will use that data to build a better profile on what my interests are and that it will use that data to better sell ads to me? i’ll be honest i am unsure of if facebook sells that information to other vendors. i think that might be not allowed but i wouldn’t be surprised if that data somehow got into the hands of people who arent facebook.

the fact that for the longest time you could NOT get your data deleted from facebook? that even if you deactivated your account facebook would still keep all of that in their shit ass servers forever? as far as i know, that’s changed now, but i would not at all be surprised if the next day it was revealed that facebook was Actually Keeping all that info anyways

the fact that by default facebook’s privacy settings are set to allow anyone to see most info about you? just this whole opt out culture is so fucking wack. it should be opt in. your privacy settings should default on the MOST PRIVATE and it should be up to you to ACTIVELY SEARCH OUT how to change them to public. it is ON FACEBOOK to actively cultivate privacy but of fucking course they don’t.

lmao cambridge analytica politics russia brexit trump. i don’t have the energy to even open this fucking can of worms but i will say that again, another layer of deeply fucked up that political campaigns can use that data to try to coerce or influence elections.

do you remember when in 2019. yes twenty. fucking. nineteen. 2019. two thousand and nineteen. 2019. i dont know how more to stress how recent but late this is. 2019. facebook admitted that it and instagram were still. STILL. STILL. S T I L L. storing passwords as plaintext? meaning your password that is “password123ilovedogs” is stored AS “password123ilovedogs” in their database. it is STANDARD AND EXPECTED PRACTICE that websites store SECURE hashes of passwords (not like fucking. md5 or something) meaning you do a bunch of fucking “irreversible” math on the password and store that instead of the actual password itself. so the db would be storing “298!79v@w8W#R;3,f9jf” instead of your actual password. anyways face. fucking. book. was storing passwords as plain text. which means if they ever have a data breach on their passwords db then all that data inside will just be your actual goddamn password. your actual goddamn password. what the fuck? what the fuck? and we still use this website? we? me? i use this website daily? i use this website on a daily fucking basis and allow it to continue to collect information on me? im so goddamn angry.

the fact that now in this day and age you are considered weird for not having any social media? super fucked up. the fact that employers will check your social media and if you don’t have one that is somehow a red flag? weird as hell. why must we participate in the world’s largest data collection scandal ever just to be a member of society? i cannot choose to opt out. facebook collects data on me even if i do not have an account. society expects me to have some form of social media and if i do not then that i am the weird one for it. if you choose to live a life of trying not to be tracked it is almost impossible. can you live your life in modern society without an email address? without a smartphone or laptop? there is an expectation that every person is available to communicate with digitally and if you find the practice of data collection abhorrent and don’t want to use websites that do so, then you’re the weird one who has a LOT of society’s services unavailable to you.

im not going to even touch on the psychological effects that facebook and social media have on people other than to ONCE AGAIN, say they are very real and deeply fucked up.

by the way check out haveibeenpwned. enter your email and it’ll check against databases to see if your email has been on recent dumps. i have been. lately there have been a few older accounts of mine that have been breached and it’s terrifying.

fuck jesse eisenberg man he fucked over spiderman crazy

fuck faang. fuck big tech. fuck data collection. btw edward snowden is a hero. fuck all of this.

104: The future: man we’re in for it. i am not optimistic about it at all. too much tech progression / not enough foresight / expansion/globalization of the world / global warming / political and economic issues are all coming to a head to make the world a fucking disaster.

96: Changed a diaper: never done it! i am not around children often.

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: having a vague idea of where things are locally. im very bad with directions.

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: answered already.

84: People call me: yeesa, apparently. i have a fair amount of nicknames but i just call myself teresa.

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: sure haven’t though i deserve one

80: The first person i talked to today was: soph​ because she wakes up at a normal goddamn time so i’ll sometimes have a text from her from a few hrs ago

76: Right now I am talking to: milo and a discord server im in for a group of friends i made when i was applying to college. though i havent responded in quite a while since i went on my angry facebook rant.

74: I have/will get a job: well i HAD a job for the beginning of the summer when i was a TA but i do not any more as that was first summer semester only. hopefully in the fall i’ll have a job as a TA again but who knows. and then after that when i graduate i hope hope hope hope hope i will have a job lined up.

72: Today: woke up. made a plum smoothie. played minecraft. took a nap. here i am. it’s all very riveting.

70: Next Weekend: it’ll happen for sure. odds are i will be waking up and eating food and coming on the internet and chatting with friends and doing a bit of writing and trying to learn a bit more html.

68: The worst sound in the world: answered already.

66: People that make you happy: will roland lmao. 

64: My friends are: well it’s basically the same people i tagged in my last post on people who make me happy.

62: My School: you tryin to doxx me? it’s alright. not the best for my major. and also stupidly trying to reopen for the fall because theyre greedy and idiots. it was like my 5th choice school but it is what it is.....

60: I lose all respect for people who: already answered

58: Your hair color is: black as fuck. im east asian.

56: Favorite web site: controversial but archive of our own dot org i guess. i believe in their mission and like how they have advocated for fans and have created a fan-owned space on the internet. they’re not perfect but i overall support them.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: answered already

52: My room is: a time capsule of what i liked in late middle school/early high school.

50: Where would you like to be: im fine where i am. maybe visiting friends though. i would like to Hang With Them and Do Fun Activities.

48: Ever been in love: who’s to say....... what is love? (baby don’t hurt me). but for real the concept of love is weird to me, especially romantic love. i don’t know. i’ve certainly obsessed over people. i’ve noticed i kind of “pick people” to have crushes on. i can’t really say why. but then it creates a feedback loop of i pay more attention to them -> i think more about them -> i like them more. so i’ve made conscious decisions that have lead to me obsessing over people.

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl but that’s just because people in fandom spaces tend to be women and most of my friends ive made through fandom.

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: kaity is coming to my town but we cant see each other because of a pandemic so im kinda fucking miffed about that. i didn’t get to see maria before she left my state so i’m also miffed about that.

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmaooooo no. i would just like to be satisfied with my life. would like to see friends. do fun things with them. 

40: Last person I got mad at: idk im not generally a mad person. mark zuckerberg probably.

38: I wish I was a professional: as in i suddenly have all the skills and talent needed to be a professional? i think a director &|| writer tbh. i would love to have the Creative Vision necessary to come up with dope ideas AND translate what i have in mind into real life. i would love the ability to be able to tell compelling stories that mean a lot to people.

32: Athlete: lmao if it was 2008 or 2012 i would ahve said ryan lochte but nevermind. idk. maybe katie ledecky.

24: Movie: am not much one for movies...... star trek 2009.

16: Book: i don’t know how to read.

8: Yankee candle scent: idk about yankee candle specifically but i love the smell of apple. 

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 8

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationship. When things take a turn foe the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, violence, abuse, language and torture. If youre triggered by any of this then i suggest you dont read.

An hour later we were back at the garage. Me and sam both worked up a sweat but we had fun. We even raced back to the bunker but i think he let me win.

I walked down the steps and found dean in the library with his feet propped up on the table. Sam said he was going to get a shower and disappeared down the hall.

"Have a good run?" Dean asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"I did, it was just what i needed. Fresh air and time to clear my head. I feel great, well i will after i get a shower. Im all sweaty." The last line made dean take a deep breath in and he closed his eyes. Seemingly battling with whatever was going on inside his head.

I took this time to mess with him a little. "My clothes are glued to me. Im going to have to peel them off." Dean growled and threw his head back, i couldnt help but giggle.

I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a drink. I tipped the bottle and a little bit of the water ran down my chest, down my clevage area and into my sports bra. I rubbed the water over my neck and down my chest, a small moan escaped my lips.

"Thats a good way to cool off." I opened my eyes to see dean watching me with that same flame in his eyes as earlier. I bit my lip and smiled as he ran a hand over his face. He pushed his chair back and walked over towards me.

He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me in close to him. "I know what youre fuckin doing. Its not funny."

I ducked my head, "im sorry, i dont know what it is. When youre near me i just get this feeling come over me. It wont happen again."

I pulled away from him and made my way down the hall towards my room. Before i got to my door i looked behind me to see dean sprinting towards me. He pushed me up against the wall as his lips covered mine. Our tongues danced with each other as my hands found their way into his hair.

"Youre driving me crazy, (Y/N). Dont you know that?" Dean said as his lips found the sensitive spot on my neck.

"Im sorry." I moaned against his shoulder.

"Dude, you both have rooms ya know." Sam said from the hallway beside of us. Dean pulled away from me just as sam walked towards his bedroom and shut the door.

Dean looked back at me, he laid his forehead against mine. "I cant do this."

I finally got the nerve to speak up, "why dean?"

He closed his eyes, "(Y/N), youve been through so much in such a short amount of time. I cant take advantage of you, cause thats what it would be. Youre confused right now. You are trying to heal from what parker has done to you. Give yourself some time."

I shook my head, "no dean, im thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. I want you and im not going to change my mind."

I took his hand and led him into my bedroom. I sat him down on the bed and i sat beside him. "Why do you think you would be taking advantage of me?" I asked placing my hand on his knee.

"Because thats what it would be." Dean said averting his eyes from mine.

"Youre not like that dean."

He shook his head, "you dont know anything about me."

I straddled him and took his face in my hands. "I know enough about you to know that you wouldnt do that to me. I trust you. I know you feel this whats going on between us, i can see it in your eyes."

"(Y/N), please." He tried to pull away from me but i wasnt having it.

"You have made me feel more alive in these past two weeks then i have my entire life. You calm me and excite me at the same time. I crave your touch dean." I whispered the last line against his lips.

I took his hand in mine and put it against my hip under my shirt. "Touch me dean." He screwed his eyes shut as his jaw muscle clench. "Please. Touch me, i need you." I whispered in his ear.

He closed his eyes tight and growled, "damn it." His hands were everywhere. He pulled my shirt over my head in a flash and threw it behind me. His lips found the right spot on my neck as he unclasped my bra, it fell to the floor as well. His hands cupped my breasts roughly, his mouth on one nipple as he pinched the other.

I threw my head back as a moan escaped my lips. I ripped his flannel from his shoulders and soon his shirt. At least we were skin to skin from the waist up. One of his hands were tangled in my hair gripping and pulling tight as his other was on the back of my neck.

"Oh dean." I whispered against his neck. He flipped us to where i was laying on the bed, i let out a small giggle as he smiled against my lips. He gripped the waist band of my shorts, he looked up into my eyes i guess asking for permission. Making sure that this is what i wanted. I raised my hips up and he took that as a yes. He pulled them down and gasped as he saw that i wasnt wearing underwear.

"Youre so fuckin beautiful." He said as he knelt down in front of me. He pushed my thighs open and didnt waste any time devouring me. His tongue flicking and making circles around my clit, i writhed beneath him clawing at his head. My fingers tangled in his hair and pulled lightly.

An animalistic growl came from him and it shook me to my core. I started to tense as i felt my orgasm building inside of me. "Dean, im so close." I whispered, trying to keep it down as to not disturb sam.

He then slid two fingers inside me and i couldnt keep quiet any longer. My orgasm rocked through me as dean pounded his fingers inside me and never let up on my clit.

"Oh....my......god.......yes!" I screamed out as i felt a warm gush running down and soaking the sheets. After i had quit shaking dean was on top of me. He had shed the rest of his clothing sometime while i was coming down from my high.

"You sure you want this?" Dean asked as i felt his dick pressing against my entrance. I nodded and he shook his head, "you gotta tell me sweetheart." I growled in frustration, "just shut up and fuck me winchester."

He smiled and slowly entered me. He was being gentle like he was trying not to break me. I pushed my hips up letting him know to go faster. He really started moving as another orgasm hit me.

"Thats it baby, cum all over my cock. Oh yeah baby, im cumming." Dean yelled as his veins protruded from his neck. After we came down from the bliss of finally becoming one dean slumped beside me on the bed. He rolled over on his side and pulled me close to him, "that was the best sex ive ever had." He said his breathing ragged.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he kissed the top of my head.

I nodded and placed a kiss in the middle of his chest. "Im better than okay, i dont know if there are words for the way im feeling right now." But in the back of my mind i knew one word that i almost let slip, love. I loved dean winchester but i couldnt tell him.

My eyes opened some time later, i didnt even realize i had fallen asleep. The bed was empty beside me, i ran my hand over the cold sheets he hadnt been there for a while. I stood up and found his flannel on the floor, wrapped it around me feeling secure wrapped in his masculine scent. I button a few buttons just enough to be decent if sam was around and made my way out to find dean.

I walked into the kitchen thinking he might be there but he wasnt. The clock on the coffee maker read 3:15 am. Theres no way he could be out at this hour, unless i wasnt enough for him and he went out to find something better.

I got a bottle of water from the fridge and walked into the library. I spied dean sitting at the table a bottle of whiskey and a half full glass which he downed when he saw me.

"Are you okay?" He asked gruffly

I nodded, "yeah, why wouldnt i be?"

He poured some more in his glass and drank half of it before speaking again. "Im so sorry, i should have controled myself more. After everything youve been through...." He stopped and downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass.

I walked over to him and before he could refill it i took the glass from him and placed it on the table. I sat on his knee and took his face in my hands. "Hey, why are you worrying about this so much. If i didnt want it and i wasnt ready i wouldve said so." His green eyes were red rimmed and i could see unshed tears in them. "I love you dean. I wanted to say it before but i was scared of your reaction. Im not scared anymore."

I smiled at him but he didnt return it. "You cant love me. Its to dangerous. Im sorry." With that he gently lifted me off his lap, then he walked up the stairs slamming the bunker door behind him. Not what i expected. After everything that had happened between us only a few hours ago i was sure he cared for me in some way. The way he just ran out on me proved otherwise. The tears fell that i didnt even know were coming, i sat there for an hour before i decided i no longer want to be here.

I made my way to sams door and began knocking. When he answered the door his hair was a mess and sleep clung heavy in his eyes.

"(Y/N). Whats wrong?" A tinge of worry in his voice.

"Im packing up and leaving. I just wanted to say goodbye and thank you for everything." I said tears still streaming down my face.

"Wait, what? Why? What happened, what brought this on?" He opened the door all the way bidding me to come in.

After i had explained everything to sam it was nearly dawn. "Im sorry sam but i cant stay here. I just wanted to let you know."

Sam nodded, "i understand but dean is very closed off. You have to understand that everyone hes ever loved hes lost them some way. He doesnt want to add more names to the list. Hes only protecting you so he cares, even if he didnt show you the way you thought he would."

I shook my head, "i still cant stay here. Not anymore, ive been a burden long enough."

Sam sighed and placed his hand on my knee. "Youve never been a burden. Thats all in your head, but if youre set on leaving do me a favor."

I looked up into his eyes for the first time. "What?"

"Dont go far. We have someone you can stay with until we figure this out about parker. Youll be safe there."

"Who is it?" I asked in a low voice. Hating to have to be a burden on yet another person.

Sam smiled, "another hunter, one of the best actually. His name is bobby singer. He will welcome you with open arms. Then after all this blows over and we end this you can go where ever you want to go if its still what you want."

"On one condition." I stood and walked to the door. "Dont tell dean where i am. Just tell him i left and that im okay."

Sam nodded, "okay, ill call bobby and work everything out."

I nodded then walked out the door. I had everything packed up in 10 minutes seeing that everything dean had bought me was still in the store bags and what wasnt i gathered up in just a few minutes. I changed my clothes and walked back down to sams door he was standing outside it waiting on me.

"Bobby said he would meet halfway and pick you up. You ready? You got everything?" Sam asked.

I nodded, "yeah just give me a minute ill meet you in the library."

Sam nodded and made his way to the library. I walked to deans door and opened it seeing the room bare. I laid my favorite shirt of his, the one that gave me so much comfort on his bed. I let a few tears spill down my cheeks but the memory of him walking out on me dried them up quickly. I shut the door silently and made my way to sam.

He had my bags in his hands and gave me a sad smile. I made my way up the stairs and to sams car. It wasnt like the impala but as long as it got me to bobby then thats all that matters. If the winchesters trusted him then so did i. I had heard stories about bobby how he was a second father to them.

We drove in silence for a few minutes but sam decided to break it. "You dont have to do this. You should still stay with us."

"I cant sam." Was all i said.

"You know dean will eventually find out where you are. Not by me of course, but he will eventually. Cas could find you easily." Sam said with a sigh.

I shook my head. "Tell cas not to tell dean. I dont want him to come look for me. He made it clear how he felt. Im not enough for him. Parker was right."

"(Y/N)..."

"No sam, dont try to make it out to be anything more than what it is. He doesnt care for me, not the way that i do for him. I was a fool to think he could." I tried to not let my voice shake but i failed at that. When sam opened his mouth to speak again i silenced him with holding my hand up.

We drove for three hours until sam pulled off the road beside a beat up blue car. A elder man stood outside the drivers side door with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the door.

Sam got out first and moved to the trunk to get my bags. I stepped out as the elder man opened his trunk.

After the bags were placed in the trunk bobby walked over to me. "You must be (Y/N), im bobby."

"Nice to meet you bobby." I shook his outstretched hand as he smiled at me. I turned back towards sam, my heart breaking all over again. I gave him a sad smile as a tear slid down my cheek.

He engulfed me in a hug, "if you ever need us, or me all you have to do is call."

I nodded not trusting myself to speak.

When he let me go i gave him a quick peck on the cheek and climbed into bobbys car. Knowing if i was to look back i would change my mind. Bobby climbed in soon after and sped off in the opposite direction from where me and sam came. I watched in the mirror as long as i could, until sams tail lights werent visible anymore.

"So, why are you runnin?" Bobby asked, surprising me.

"Sam didnt tell you?"

He nodded, "he told me, still doesnt answer the question. Why are you runnin?"

I sighed, "dean walked out on me after i told him how i felt. I thought he cared about me. I was wrong, parker was right. Ill never be good enough for anyone."

"Well darlin, im going to be blunt with you. Dean is a idjit when it comes to loving or caring for someone. I love him like he was my own but sometimes he can be a real pain in the ass."

"You can say that again." I sigh.

"But he has a good reason for being distant with people. The less people you love and are close to the less people you lose. Its just the way this life is." Bobby finally finished.

I understood where bobby was coming from. Still i wasnt enough for dean. So my choice still remained the same.

We pulled up in front of bobbys house a couple hours later. He carried my bags up the stairs as i followed behind him. He led me into im guessing a spare room that was used as a file room. There was a queen sized bed against the wall but other than that it was just files and file cabinets and books.

"Its not much, sorry about the mess ill have it cleaned up in a few days." He said placing my bags at the foot of the bed. "You have the whole top floor to yourself. My room and bathroom is downstairs."

I nodded and smiled "you dont need to rearrange your life for me. I wont be staying long."

Bobby turned towards me with a solem look on his face. "Now (Y/N), i promised sam i would look after you until parker was took care of."

"Look i intend to stay here until parker is dealt with, but in the meantime i want to learn how to hunt. I want to take him out myself. I want you to teach me everything you know."

Bobby was hesitant for the first few days but eventually he agreed. A week into my lessons and i was beat, but i was determined to be in this life. I was becoming stronger and it was also helping me deal with alot of issues. Never again would i be a victim.

@an-unhealthy-obsession

[hold-our-destiny]

if you cant breathe- chapter 6

sorry its been so long! this is a really short chapter because ive been really busy lately. ill try to get some more chapters out soon!!

read it here on ao3

feel free to comment

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Tony eyed the liquor cabinet for what seemed like the hundredth time today. The same thought flashed through his mind as all the other times. 

Peter wouldn't want-

No

Tony doesn't know what peter would want-

Because peter’s dead

Because tony couldn't find him

Tony stood up from where he was sitting at the kitchen counter and left the room, walking down the hallway towards the elevator to the lab. Tony had been spending a lot of time in the lab recently (steve says too much time (Tony doesn't think so)).

The bedroom door was only open slightly but it was enough to make Tony stop in his tracks. he didn't dare look at the door, staring straight ahead. He shook the thoughts out of his head and carried on walking to the elevator. 

The elevator doors opened to reveal none other than steve fucking rogers himself. Tony avoided eye contact and pressed the button to the lab, standing in silence with the captain.

“Tony-”

“Don't” he said it with such certainty steve hesitated on his next words.

“Tony. You know we’re all worried about you.” he sounded pleading- tony almost laughed

“Does it look like I have any fucks left to give?” Tony still didn't look at him.

“It's been three months.”

“I don't want to hear it”

“Peter wouldn't want thi-” in an instant, tony had pushed steve up against the wall of the elevator, he had his hands raised in surrender.

“Dont you fucking dare say he wouldnt want this, you dont know what he would want. No one knows what peter would want.”

“Im sorry” steve sounded almost genuine, tony would believe him if the rage wasn't clouding his judgement. The doors opened to the lab, Tony walked out in silence, not looking as the doors closed behind him. He waited a few seconds before he let the walls crumble.

Tony’s hands came to his mouth and throat, his breaths coming out in short gasps. His nails scratched his neck, begging for more oxygen but none would come. The same thoughts kept circling through his head. It's your fault, all your fault. You couldn't find him. And now he's dead. He was hurt. And you didn't save him. 

Tony was trying every calming exercise he knew to try and get through it, but none would work. He was still gasping, desperate for the air his body oh-so-dearly needed. He could distantly heard the sound of friday, trying to calm him down. Tony tried to drag himself to one of the work tables, desperately trying to ground himself, find a way back to reality.

--------

“Im really worried about him nat,”

“We all are- he knows this”

“But its been months” 

“Only he can find his way out of this, we just have to be there for him”

--------

The door to the cell slammed open, making peter jolt awake, eyes wide and body stiff.

“Wakey wakey petey pie” the doctor walked over to be in front of peter’s kneeling form, grinning as he saw the tension in his body.

“Are you ready, pet?”

“I-im ready sir” peter slowly stood, not lifting his head as he did so, not risking accidentally angering the doctor.

“Well come on then” the doctor lead peter out into the hallway and through another doorway, a small box sat in the middle of the room, just big enough to fit a person.

“Get in” the doctors voice suddenly got sharp and strict, peter immediately obeyed, crawling into the box and closing his eyes as the door closed and locked.

A few minutes of being cramped in the small room, the panic set in, his breaths came out in small gasps with long waits in between. Peter desperately don't want to use up all the air but his lungs begged for it. He wished he was back at the tower, or anywhere but here. He wished he was with Tony, why hasn't he come yet? 

You know why. Master told you. He doesn't care. He never did. He gave up after two weeks. You're nothing to him.

Silent tears slipped down peter’s face and he sniffled. He wanted to go home.

The door to the box opened with a click, the doctor’s face appeared in the opening.

“Well well. I thought I could treat you and let you out after 20 minutes today. You know my rules,” peter nodded, not meeting the doctors eyes, “what are my rules, pet?”

“Don't talk back. Don't look into anyone’s eyes. Don’t cry. Don’t make noise. Don’t move.” 

“Very good,” the doctor had a smile on his face, peter thought maybe he had done something right, “now it's another 20 minutes in here, make no noise and I'll let you out okay?” Peter nodded and the door locked with a click again. 

Peter rested his head against his knees, wishing to be anywhere else.